#it��s just. weird to think back to dancing and crying my childhood bedroom while I chronically avoided my homework

[shhh-go-to-sleep]

Bella Swan: [voice over] Childhood is not from birth to a certain age. And at a certain age the child is grown and puts away childish things. Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies.

[as Renee gets Bella’s wedding invitation]

Renee: Phil! It’s happening!

[Bella is trying on her wedding shoes]

Alice Cullen: Um…you just have to break them in.

Bella Swan: I’ve been breaking them in, for three days. Can I just go bare foot?

Alice Cullen: No! Absolutely not!

Bella Swan: I’m just thinking it’s a little much, you know? The dress and the shoes and all of this.

[she looks at the Cullens setting up the wedding decorations in the backyard]

Alice Cullen: No, it’s exactly enough. Tomorrow will be perfect.

[as they are setting up the wedding decorations in the backyard]

Emmett Cullen: Where do you want ’em boss?

Alice Cullen: On either side of the isle.

Rosalie Hale: What isle?

Alice Cullen: Does no one have Vision?!

[Bella is in her bedroom looking at her dreamcatcher when she suddenly feels Edward behind her, she turns to face him]

Edward Cullen: I’m just checking for cold feet.

Bella Swan: Mine are toasty warm.

Edward Cullen: It’s not too late to change your mind.

Bella Swan: What, now you’re having second thoughts?

[Edwards looks down]

Bella Swan: You are.

Edward Cullen: I’ve been waiting a century to marry you, Miss Swan.

Bella Swan: But?

[Edward looks down again]

Bella Swan: But?

Edward Cullen: I haven’t told you everything about myself.

Bella Swan: What? You’re not a virgin?

[Edward laughs]

Bella Swan: Look, you can’t scare me away now.

Edward Cullen: A few years after Carlisle created me, I rebelled against him. I resented him for curbing my appetite. So for a while I went off on my own. I wanted to know how it felt to hunt, to taste human blood.

[flash back to 1920’s when Edward bites and kills a man following a woman leaving a movie theater]

Edward Cullen: All the men I’ve killed were monsters. And so was I.

[referring to the men Edward had killed in the past]

Bella Swan: Edward they were all murderers. You probably saved more lives than you took.

Edward Cullen: Bella, that’s what I told myself. But they’re all human beings. I looked into their eyes as they died and I saw who I was and what I was capable of.

Bella Swan: And what I’ll be capable of. Why are you telling me this tonight? Did you really think this was going to change my mind about you?

Edward Cullen: I just wondered if it would change your mind about yourself and who you wanna see when you look in the mirror a year from now.

Bella Swan: I know I can do this. Let me tell you why, because you did. You should give yourself some credit for that. And hopefully a year from now I’m gonna look in the mirror and see someone like you. Someone capable of courage, sacrifice and love.

[Edwards leans in and kisses Bella]

[hearing Emmett shouting from outside her window]

Bella Swan: What is that?

Edward Cullen: I’m late for my bachelor party.

[suddenly Emmett jumps leaps up to Bella’s window]

Emmett Cullen: Send him out, Bella, or we’re coming in after him.

Bella Swan: So this party, will there be strippers?

Edward Cullen: No, just a couple of mountain lions, maybe a few bears.

[suddenly Jasper leaps up to Bella’s window]

Jasper Hale: Don’t worry, Bella, we’ll get him back in plenty of time

Bella Swan: Okay, go. Before they break my house.

Edward Cullen: I’ll meet you at the alter.

Bella Swan: I’ll be the one in white.

Edward Cullen: That’s very convincing.

[he leaps out of her window and joins Emmett and Jasper]

[as she’s putting on Bella’s make-up]

Alice Cullen: What did I say about beauty sleep?

Bella Swan: Sorry. Bad dream. Maybe it’s wedding jitters.

[to Alice as she’s helping Bella get prepared for the wedding]

Rosalie Hale: Do you need some help? I could do her hair.

Bella Swan: Really?

Rosalie Hale: Please. I’m not offended by your choice of groom.

Bella Swan: Just my blatant lack of respect for mortality.

Rosalie Hale: Essentially.

Alice Cullen: Weddings! They bring everyone together.

[as Charlie is looking at the Cullen’s wall of graduation caps with curiosity]

Renee: Hey, so did you find your daughter?

Charlie Swan: Are those graduation caps?

[Renee turns and looks at the caps]

Renee: Hah! How creative!

Charlie Swan: Or weird.

[as she sees Bella all made up]

Renee: Oh, my gosh! You’re so beautiful. Oh, honey.

[she starts crying]

Renee: Crap! My mascara.

[Alice gives her a handkerchief]

Renee: Thanks. Charlie, get in here!

Charlie Swan: You sure? I don’t wanna…

[Charlie walks into the room wearing his wedding tux]

Charlie Swan: I know, I look awful.

[Bella and the others laugh]

Renee: We thought you needed something blue.

[Charlie opens the gift box containing a jeweled hair comb]

Charlie Swan: And something old, besides your mother.

Renee: Nice!

Charlie Swan: It was grandma Swan’s.

[Bells picks up the comb]

Renee: But we added the sapphires.

Bella Swan: It’s beautiful you guys. Wow! Thank you so much.

[Bella gives it to Alice to put in her hair]

Renee: It’s your first family heirloom. Pass it on to your daughter, and her daughter.

[Renee starts to cry again]

Bella Swan: Um…I love it.

[as she goes to kiss her parents Alice stops her]

Alice Cullen: No! No smudging my masterpiece.

Renee: Oh, she’s right.

Alice Cullen: Okay, time for the dress!

[as they are waiting for the wedding to begin]

Jessica: So um…do you think Bella’s going to be showing?

Angela: Jess, she’s not pregnant!

Jessica: Okay. Who else gets married at eighteen?

[Bella is very nervous as they are about to walk down the isle]

Charlie Swan: You ready?

Bella Swan: Just don’t let me fall down.

Charlie Swan: Never.

Minister Webber: Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here on this glorious day to witness the union of Edward Cullen and Bella Swan.

[turning to Edward]

Minister Webber: Please, repeat after me. I, Edward Cullen.

Edward Cullen: I, Edward Cullen.

Minister Webber: Take you, Bella Swan.

Edward Cullen: Take you, Bella Swan.

Minister Webber: To have and to hold.

[the voice of the minister fades out and we only hear Edward and Bella say their vows]

Edward Cullen: To have and to hold.

Bella Swan: For better, for worse.

Edward Cullen: For richer, for poorer.

Bella Swan: In sickness and in health.

Edward Cullen: To love.

Bella Swan: To cherish as long as we both shall live.

Edward Cullen: I do.

Bella Swan: I do.

Edward Cullen: I love you.

Bella Swan: I love you too.

[they kiss and everyone stands and claps]

[after the reception, Jessica and the others are staring at the gigantic wedding cake]

Jessica: I just thought it’d be bigger.

Eric: Yeah.

[Alice walks over to them]

Jessica: Hi!

Alice Cullen: Hi guys.

Jessica: We were just saying how pretty everything is. We were all just saying.

Alice Cullen: Thanks so much. You don’t think it’s too much?

Eric: No!

Jessica: No.

Kate Denali: We’ve heard so much about you.

Eleazar Denalir: Welcome to the family.

Bella Swan: Thank you.

Carmen Denali: Irina, come meet Bella.

[Irina is staring at Billy and Seth, she turns walks over to Carmen]

Irina Denali: I can’t do this.

Tanya Denali: You promised.

[referring to Seth being a werewolf]

Irina Denali: They invited one.

Edward Cullen: Irina, he’s our friend.

Irina Denali: They killed Laurent.

Edward Cullen: He tried to kill Bella.

Irina Denali: I don’t believe that! He wanted to be like us. To live in peace with humans, with me.

Edward Cullen: I’m sorry.

[Irina walks away]

Carmen Denali: Irina!

Eleazar Denalir: Um…let’s not monopolize the bride. Congratulations.

Bella Swan: Thank you.

Tanya Denali: Sorry.

[they walk away]

Edward Cullen: Well, what’s a wedding without some family drama?

Bella Swan: Yeah.

[giving his wedding toast]

Emmett Cullen: I’d like to propose a toast, to my new sister. Bella I hope you’ve got enough sleep these last eighteen years, cause you won’t be getting anymore for a while.

[he laughs and everyone looks at him awkwardly]

[giving her wedding toast]

Jessica: Well Bella was just like everybody else, totally mesmerized my Edward, or the hair, as I call him. Um…and then suddenly, Edward is all about Bella. Even though she’s not the captain of the volleyball team.

[she laughs]

Jessica: I’m just kidding. I’m just kidding. Or the president of the Student Council.

[giving his father of the bride speech to the guests]

Charlie Swan: Edward will be a good husband. I know this because…because I’m a cop, I know things. Like how to hunt somebody to the ends of the earth.

[giving her wedding toast]

Alice Cullen: Now that you’re my sister, you’ll have to get over your aversion to fashion.

[continuation of Charlie’s wedding speech]

Charlie Swan: And I know how to use a gun.

[giving her wedding toast]

Esme Cullen: I’d like to thank, Renee and Charlie for bringing such a wonderful person into the world and into our lives. We will cherish and protect her forever.

[giving his wedding toast]

Edward Cullen: It’s an extraordinary thing to meet someone who you can bare your soul to and accept you for what you are. I’ve been waiting, for what seems like a very long time, to get beyond what I am. With Bella I feel like I can finally begin. So I’d like to propose a toast to my beautiful bride. No measure of time with you will be long enough. But let’s start with forever.

[after Edward has told Bella another wedding gift has arrived, he walks her away from the crowd]

Bella Swan: What’s a wedding present doing out here?

Edward Cullen: Just a little more private.

[suddenly Jacob appears ahead of them]

Jacob Black: The best man didn’t have time to get a tux.

Bella Swan: Jacob! Jacob!

[she runs towards him and jumps into his arms to hug him]

Bella Swan: Hey.

Edward Cullen: This is kind of you.

Jacob Black: Kind is my middle name. I’m sorry I’m late.

Bella Swan: It doesn’t matter. Everything’s perfect now.

Jacob Black: Dance with me?

[she steps closer to him and he picks her up to twirl her and then they start dancing]

Bella Swan: Where have you been? We were gonna put your face on a milk carton.

Jacob Black: I was in Northern Canada. I think. It’s so weird to be back on two legs again and clothes. I fell out of practice with the whole human thing.

Bella Swan: Well are you okay? Being here?

Jacob Black: Why? Afraid I’ll trash the party? You’re not the only one.

[as they continue to dance]

I'm convinced that you're high 😟

[this-life-so-far]

Title 1

Growing Up: The Early Years  

The earliest memory I have of growing up is being in the back of my dad’s white GMC truck and hearing the opening guitar riff of “Sweet Child O’ Mine” being blared on the cheap speakers that were in the back seat with me and my sister. I’ll never forget just looking out the window and being “happy” when hearing the music and not having to care about what was going on in my family. In this memory I have, I vividly remember my father driving down the mountain heading towards Marion NC. In my eyes, the window was the perfect frame for a stage and every blade of grass that was outside the window were dying fans wanting to meet me. It’s odd that I’ve recently just started thinking about this memory lately, however it seems to be one of the few memories I can think of from my childhood that actually aren’t filled with some kind of dread. Whether that’s good or bad, it’s honest. There’s a certain innocence behind the memory and I think that’s why I cherish it so dearly. Within the innocence is something magical and I think I’ve always carried that feeling with me throughout my life.  

Growing up, my family was poor. We lived in an old run-down trailer that had holes in the floors and busted-out windows that had plastic put over them to makeshift a window. We never had money, sometimes no food and sometimes no love. I know my parents tried their hardest and I’m just grateful that they provided a roof over our heads. The trailer would decline in shape over the years, but growing up in it, I never noticed how poor we were at certain times. I had toys, I had video games, but sometimes I wouldn’t have food. The necessity that any child shouldn’t have to worry about; however, one thing that I had was music. Music would become, and still is, the foundation of how I view the world in many different ways. One of my fondest memories was when my mother surprised my sister one Christmas with a CD/Cassette player. The CD player was the nicest thing in our trailer for the longest time. Along with the CD player, my mother bought her a bunch of CDs from one of those weird subscription services that were in the back of magazines in the late 90s. My mother and dad had picked out a bunch of 80s hair -metal CDs from the 20 something CDs you got from this subscription service. After seeing all of the Def Leppard, ZZ Top, and Guns N Roses CDs that were littered through the box, my sister came across her portion of the CDs. My sister’s portion of the CDs consisted of Spice Girls, NSYNC, Jordan Knight, Britney Spears, and a CD that she quickly tossed away that would later become one of my most prized possessions which was a Backstreet Boys CD.  

After my sister neglected the CD for some time, I would slowly start listening to it and getting that feeling I had looking out the window of my dad’s truck and pretending there was an arena of people out there waiting for me. When I would hear songs like “As Long As You Love Me” or “Quit Playing Games with my Heart” I would dance and sing in my home and people would notice me. I never had that much attention growing up, so imagine what was going through the mind of a six-year-old performing in front of his family and them actually noticing. It was an escape and one that I was proud of. If I got sad (which happened a lot during my childhood) I would put on songs like “All I Have to Give” or “I’ll Never Break Your Heart” and just sit back and think about how it felt like I lost something. I was a six-year-old kid at the time who couldn’t have lost too much besides a Power Rangers toy or a Pokémon card, however, I remember hearing these ballads and becoming sad. I knew there was some emotion of love coming from the songs, but I didn’t know what it meant to me. I’m not even sure how to describe the feeling now, I just knew if things were bad in the home; I could put on the slow songs and hideaway crying while singing the chorus and if things were good, I could put on the “funky” songs and dance and be the center of attention. It was the music that helped me escape the chaos of everyday life. Even at this young age, I was ready to “woo” the girl of my dreams into  

My mother was always my biggest fan. When she was in her right mind, there was no one else in the world that could make me feel as special as she could make me feel. I loved more than my mother, but when she was on one of her binges, she quickly became my biggest enemy. I can remember so many nights watching my mom pass out on the floor, in a restaurant, or even falling asleep standing upright while cooking for me and my sister. I would find out later in my life that my mother used substances to keep her away from her past. Thankfully instead of turning to substances like my mother to hide from the ugly past, I turned to music and that helped keep me straight through a lot of rough times in my life. My mother did love me with everything she had in her. I have no doubts about that. I just wish that I could’ve had the mother I knew she could be all the time. She was someone who is special. I believe that if she didn’t have an addiction that she would’ve turned out to be someone who could’ve made a difference in the world. She was kind, beautiful, intelligent, and everything that I strive to be to this day still, however, she carried around a burden that never got any easier to carry.  

Even as a child, I wanted to help my mom carry that burden, no matter the cost. I remember being young and my mother asking me to help her look for my father’s pain pills. I knew that if I found them and she took some of them, she would play with me and be the “super-mom” I knew she was capable of being. Needless to say, many days when my dad was at work and my sister was at my grandparent’s home, me and my mother would spend the entire day tearing up our small little trailer apart looking for that magical little orange bottle of pills. I knew every time she would find them. You would hear a little giggle that was followed by the sounds of pills shaking back and forth in the bottle. I’ll always remember those giggles and the little smiles. I knew my mother was happy finding the pills and I was just happy that she was happy. I wanted a playmate during this time. I never had friends over because even at the age of 6ish I was embarrassed by our house and the conditions we lived in, so I needed a playmate and someone to watch me sing and dance for them.

I was always afraid of my dad. I’m not sure exactly why. He never was intentionally mean to me or my sister, he was just never really involved either. My father would come home from work and go straight to his bedroom and shut the door. It seemed like the only time he was up; he was fussing with my mother about the pills she had found and taken. I never appreciated that from my father in the younger part of childhood. I thought he was trying to make my mother not love me any more by not letting her have the pills that transformed her into “super-mom.” I really wish I had more to say about my father during this part of my childhood, however, it just seems like he wasn’t involved with me or my sister until a little later in our lives. I just know that if you made him mad and he came at you with the belt, he would be the s#!t out of you (there’s no nicer way to put it.) If that ever happened, it was time to cuddle up to the speaker of my sister’s CD player and cut on a ballad by Backstreet Boys. I used music to self-heal myself even back then. By the time we would get our whippings from our father, my mother could be found passed out somewhere. No one was there for us.  

My sister was gone a lot during this time. She spent a lot of time with my grandparents during the summer days and almost every weekend with them during school time. I always loved my sister. I still love her and miss her like crazy. I know that with all of my heart. I’m just not sure how I felt about her growing up during this part of my childhood. My sister was made out to be a “golden child” of the entire family. She was pretty, nice, very smart, and she could actually sing too. She even had her own glamour shots done during this time and was deemed to be “destined for greatness” according to our peers. This left me estranged. How could I have any attention on me when she was that damn good? It wasn’t fair. She was better than me on all levels. I just felt like a forgotten puppy that someone left behind because they couldn’t care for it anymore. All I needed now was for someone to throw me in a van and take me away from my home and put me in a strange place (that would happen a little later.) I honestly don’t know if my sister ever knew how I felt about her growing up around this time. She would later protect me from a lot of evil caused by my parents, but during this time period of my childhood, she was my biggest enemy.  

That never seemed to deter me from finding new ways to find attention. I know it sounds selfish, but as a kid, I craved love and affection. I needed it so I could build a solid foundation for my future self. I remember being younger and drawing a cartoon. I’m honestly not sure what the cartoon was but my mother was blown away by the ability I had to draw at a young age. After I amazed her with one of my cartoons, I just kept drawing. I remember vividly drawing pictures of Pokémon, SpongeBob, and even members of Backstreet Boys just hoping for her approval. I would spend hours on these drawings and once I completed them, I would rush to my parents to show them off. Years later when going through their things after a move, I would find where they saved some pictures I drew of Link from Legend of Zelda and that’s always meant a lot to me. They were quick to dismiss them, but they never threw them away to my knowledge. It was a weird dynamic, getting behind the scenes love, just give it to me now like they were with my sister damn it.  I needed it to be stable because all around there were constant moments of doubt.  

Within times of doubt, there was always something that kept me going. Just the tiniest little thing that would make me feel an endless amount of love. One night I remember vividly was my mother driving me around looking for Pokémon cards. She didn’t have a license and didn’t really drive often, but she knew how much I wanted them after getting my first Arcanine card from a girl in 1st grade and she took the risk to drive me around Spruce Pine looking for them. I was scared because looking now it’s questionable whether she was even sober when driving around with me in the front seat, but I just remember so vividly using passing lights from the neighborhood and town to light the card up so I could continue to look at the card. The card is long gone in my collection, but that memory is priceless because it just reminds me that my mother and father did have pure hearts despite the substance abuse issues.  

There substance abuse issues would later lead to domestic discord and violence. One of the earliest encounters I remember from this time in my youth was when me and my father went to a yard sale. At the yard sale, I found some Mario Kart toys. The toys were of Bowser and Yoshi inside their karts if you were wondering. I was just in awe because Mario Kart 64 was a game my family always played together and to have toys based on the game, seemed like a foreign concept to me for some reason. I was eager to get back home to show my mother the toys, and when me and my father arrived home, I ran in to show off the toys. My mother acted like she cared but as soon as my father walked in, they started arguing. The arguing went on for some time, but I didn’t pay attention to it. I took my toys in the hallway and began playing with them. The stretch of hallway connecting my parent’s room to the living room was Rainbow Road and I was insisting on playing on this makeshift track for as long as possible.  

After some time of arguing in the living room, my father decided he had enough and took off to his bedroom. Within moments my mother was chasing behind him and berating him to the fullest of her lung capacity. After my father slammed the door in my mother’s face, my mother went off and ran and got a butcher’s knife out of the kitchen and started charging at the door. My father had opened the door to see what my mother was doing and the next thing I know; she’s charging at him yelling “I’m going to slit your goddamn throat Pat.” I feared for my father and began screaming and crying. My father shut the door and locked it and after minutes of my mother kicking at the door, then finally she started stabbing the door with the knife. This was after my father had put his body up against the door to hold it shut so my mother couldn’t get into the room. I was crying and running away leaving my precious Mario Kart toys in the floor and after some time my mother quit stabbing the door and left the area. I don’t remember anything after that hardly other than my father putting up stickers and Pokémon poster on the bedroom door so DSS wouldn’t see the stab marks on the door. It’s so bizarre how you can remember the confrontation but can’t remember hardly anything about the cool-down period.  

Thankfully no Mario Kart toys were harmed during this incident, only a child’s sanity. Times like these were the reason I truly hated my sister while we were growing up. She got to be away at my grandparent’s home, and I was stuck in the middle of the chaos. Don’t get me wrong, there were weekends that were perfect for a child to enjoy, but those weekends would get drowned out by the weekends I just mentioned in this incident. I had no protection during these incidents, but somehow, I was the one going to each parent to try and cheer them up. It’s just so cruel and unfair that I felt I had to be a support for both parents and try to pretend that everything was okay, especially while my sister was taking her weekend trips to Wal-Mart and restaurants with my grandparents. She was also getting NSYNC shirts too from them, where the hell was my Backstreet Boys shirt.   

[lilacsandorangeblossoms]

Him and I chapter 3

This is a what if when Hope and Clarke went into the pit instead of darkness they ended up in a prison world.

Xxx

It has been a couple days since their honest 20 questions in the pool, other then a few kisses here and there things were normal. They would sleep in separate homes have breakfast at the mikaelson home and hangout at the mikaelson home.

Ryan rolls over in the room he choose at the Salvatore boarding house. That first night when he choose the house he was looking at the rooms and when he got to the bedrooms the first one he went in even though it was nice, big and had a balcony he just got a weird vibe from it. He goes into another room and its huge, big bed, big bathroom. He had gone into another room it was not as giant as the first two home, it had a homey feel to it.

That’s why he choice to sleep in the third room it still does have an en-suite bathroom. When he is passing the living room with the two couches with a table in the middle. Something catches his eye that makes him stop and go further into the room he stands at the end of the couch against the drink table and there laying on the couch is Hope.

He smirks down at her, every morning since they got here he usually is the one going to her home this morning she came to his, but she fell asleep waiting for him to come down. He gently slides his arms under picking her up from the couch in her sleep she puts her arms around his neck and snuggles into his neck, he smiles down at her as he carries her upstairs and places her on his bed.

Two hours later Hope wakes up and when she looks around she recognizes the room, as she is getting off the bed she sees Ryan at the desk his head in his hand he had fallen back sleep. She goes into the en-suite bathroom she makes sure her hair is still straight with some waves and her makeup is not smudged. When she comes out Ryan is awake.

“Morning.”

‘Morning.”

Hope sits back down on the bed and he turns in the chair to face her. “Why did you choose this room?”

Ryan looks around the room, its nice but there are bigger rooms, bigger beds. “ It called to me, when I stepped in i felt at home i had never felt like that before.”

Hope looks down at the ground and smiles. “This is my bedroom when this place is a school.”

Ryan looks away now ashamed that he said he feels at home in her future bedroom.

Xxx

They settle on the couch opposite to the one hope fell asleep on both have an arm extending on the back of the couch their fingers playing with each other. “Stop avoiding the question, I want to know more about you. All I know is your Landon’s half brother, your father is a bottle less pit, you care for your Jeep...”

Hope stops herself from going further. Ryan notices and tries to get out of the question again. “Continue your thought.”

Hope shakes her head while a smile is across her face. Ryan relents her smile warming him. “I never had a childhood when he made me he created me like this. I was never the villain I’m scared of him and tried getting away from him tried to stay away from the darkness.”

“And I pulled you back in. I’m sorry.”

Ryan looks down at Hope’s sad face and it breaks his heart, he would never admit this not even through the truth spell but when he is around Hope he doesn’t feel like a mud man he just feels like a normal human guy. He lifts her chin and leaves a peck on her lips. “ I’d rather be here with you then alone in the darkness.”

That makes Hope feel a little better.

Xxx

About an hour later Hope comes up behind him on the couch and kisses him on the cheek. “What was that for?”

“I want you to experience some semblance of a childhood. I have an idea lets go for a drive.”

As he is following her out to his Jeep he says. “Hope.”

“We are in this place because of me, I want to make it up to you by giving you a childhood memory.”

He smiles over at her but she doesn’t see since she is busy putting her seatbelt on. He follows her directions and the ends up at mystic falls high school. “You took us to a high school?”

“Everyone has memories of going to school, why shouldn’t you. Now since we are alone it will be different but still.”

Hope shows him around the school, while in the gym Hope mentions. “The school dances were held in here and some were attended by my dad he fancied lizzie and Josie’s mom when she went here and would crash the dance to dance with her. It was a 20’s decade dance he crashed and then he and the rest of the supernaturals were trapped in here by my grandmother. My aunt Rebekah was invited to a 80’s decade dance which had been canceled but her and Stefan Salvatore still attended they were the only ones in attendance but it was all a distraction so Stefan and his friends could find a weapon to kill my uncle Kol.”

“How do you know all this?”

“In the Stefan Salvatore library at school they have his journals and he wrote it all down he also wrote that while trying to get the barrier down my dad was threatening everyone except lizzie and Josie’s mom.”

When they are walking on the football field Hope tells him. “It said in the journal behind the bleachers of the football field my dad beheaded the head witch of a coven to save Lizzie and Josie’s mom and her friends with a graduation cap the witches were brought back with my uncle Kol who had already died.”

Ryan looks over at her and she’s wondering behind the bleachers he follows her and she is just standing behind the bleachers in the spot her father stood when he beheaded the witches. “I miss him so much.”

As Hope begins to breakdown Ryan pulls her into a hug and she cries into his chest. Through sobs he hears. “I’m sorry I ruined your teenage afternoon.”

He lifts her chin up off his chest and she’s still crying. “You didn’t ruin it, thank you for sharing this with me.”

Xxx

The next morning Hope is awaken early that morning by Ryan nudging her. In her sleepy daze she asks. “Ryan? What are you doing here?”

“Yesterday got me thinking you were open with me to understand my past we need to leave mystic falls.”

“Can I sleep on our way to your memories.”

“Yes.”

Hope rubs her eyes and sleepily puts on a pair of jeans and a red short sleeve shirt. They are not even out of mystic falls before hope is asleep again.

Xxx

They pull into the parking lot of triad industries and Ryan nudges her awake. “Hope we are here.”

Hope stretches awake and looks around when she sees where they are she looks over at him. “Why are we here?”

“I created triad.”

They walk in but instead of going to the room they awoke in they instead go to a room full of files. After a couple minutes Ryan hands hope a photo of him in suspenders in a lab with other people. When she looks up at him he explains. “When he made me he was trying to make a progeny but since I can’t have children i was used as a failure and abandoned he kept trying to make other child but every one was discarded like i was until Landon. I was mad he made me and deemed me a failure so i gathered up the descendants of the people that made him and talked them into making him sludge. It worked but the descendants grew power hungry and deemed everything that did not agree with them wrong and would throw them into him. I didn’t like what i created so I tried to make amends to my father but instead he left me in the darkness for decades. It wasn’t until Landon was born was i spit out and told to watch over him as he was the son my father has been waiting for.”

Hope looks up at him and knows that was hard for him as they both don’t let people in. She feels comfortable with Ryan and she hope’s he feels comfortable around her. Being made and then tossed aside like garbage she can’t imagine what that feels like, her parents loved her. Even when her father would go on murder sprees he still loved her but no one has ever shown Ryan any affection. Hope declares right there in that moment she will show Ryan affection, Even though its because of Ryan's father they are in this place and Ryan himself hunted and held Landon hostage she can't help feel something for the as broken as her mud man next to her.

[ladyanatui]

The Seduction of Motomiya Daisuke, Ch. 6 *A Daiken Fic*

Daisuke’s friendship with Ken has always come easily. It’s the lusting after your best friend part that’s hard.

He just didn’t realize how hard until Ken starts acting weird.

Now, Daisuke isn’t sure how long he can handle his BFF and roommate’s sudden attentions. At least, not without potentially ruining a 12-year friendship.

AO3 | FF.Net

Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17

DAISUKE

Saturday, 2 a.m.

"Aaaahh…"

My eyes ache, but I force them open and eye the digital clock on the kitchen counter.

Fuck, it's only been an hour since I last looked at the time. Haven't done more than doze for the last few hours. Didn't even bother going to bed.

"Mmmmm…no, no…"

But Ken's having a nightmare, and even miserable and half-dead, I can't let him suffer. At least not alone.

I move on autopilot, staggering down the hallway, hand clutching the wall for support.

Ken's trembling when I crawl into his bed. Only when I wrap him in my arms and pull him tight against me, his face buried in my chest, do the spasms start to settle.

"Shhhh," I murmur, running my fingers through his silky hair, then down his back in slow deliberate motions. "It's okay now."

He shivers in my arms and presses closer.

I pull back enough to wipe away a couple tears glistening on his cheek and frown at how pink and puffy his eyes are—a sure sign he cried himself to sleep a few hours ago.

My eyes clamp shut; my jaw clenches. "I'm sorry." I'm not sure what exactly I fucked up and I know he's too out of it to hear the apology, but I'm sorry. "I never meant to make you cry."

I take a long breath and tuck his head under my chin. "Everything's okay, I promise. I'll make sure of it." My fingers rub circles down his back until his breathing evens out.

After that, I can finally relax.

*

Saturday, 7 a.m.

Thump, thump, thump…

A heart throbs deep through my ribs, and it takes a long moment to register it isn't mine. Admittedly, my heart beats to the same rhythm, so it's an easy mistake to make.

I inhale deeply and rub the sleep from my eyes. The world smells like jasmine and rose and sandalwood, and I would know that combination anywhere.

My eyes flash open.

Ken's head rests on my chest, an ear to my heart, his hand under my shirt, fingers grazing my ribs. His body clings to my side, one leg slung over mine.

I hold him tighter, enjoying the unabashed closeness. On the few nights we've shared a bed in the past, Ken has always been pressed firmly against the wall in the morning, as far out of reach as possible. If I woke up every morning with Ken snuggled up to me, I'm pretty sure I could die happy.

For now, nothing will prevent me from enjoying this moment.

My stomach grumbles.

Ugh, I guess I do require food. As much as I want to, I can't stay in bed forever.

Besides, who knows what kind of mood Ken will be in when he wakes up. He probably doesn't even know I'm here, and based on last night, I doubt he'd be too pleased to find me in his bed.

I close my eyes one last time, enjoying a final moment of cuddling before this has to end. Before I have to go back to the reality of being best friends and nothing more.

He releases a deep sigh—

And I take that as my cue to leave before he wakes up.

It takes some skillful maneuvers and finesse—meaning I fall on my ass and nearly drag the sheets and Ken down with me—before I can slip from the bedroom, and after a quick stop in the bathroom, I study the contents of our fridge and pantry.

Maybe if I make breakfast, he'll be in a better mood. He always likes it when I cook breakfast.

I turn on the radio and bounce around the kitchen, gathering ingredients. I start the rice and throw some chicken stock in a pot while chopping up the nori and tofu, then toss the nori in the simmering stock.

There's no sound from Ken's bedroom—odd in itself since he's usually up by now, even on the weekends—but when AKB48's latest single comes on, I twist the knob hard and dance around the kitchen, no longer concerned about the noise.

I shuffle from side to side while whipping together the egg, soy sauce, and mirin, then move on to prep the miso.

The steps and movements are simple, easy, memorized, and my eyes dart across the peninsula to where the living room is still a mess from last night.

Well, as messy as Ken ever allows it. Such a neat freak.

I frown as I study the vacant living room. The table is pushed to the side and the television is still pulled out to the middle of the room for easy viewing.

Honestly, I don't know what the hell happened last night. Or really any of yesterday. Why was Ken acting so weird? He kept switching from strangely, openly affectionate to more distant than normal, and I don't know how I'm supposed to make heads or tails of that.

Don't get me wrong, the guy can be moody as fuck, but yesterday was a special case. I just don't know why.

I slide the tofu and green onions into the broth and stir it together before leaving it to cook more, pausing by the counter.

My mouth tightens into a firm purse.

Something doesn't sit right. Like there's something obvious and important I'm missing, but I can't put my finger on it.

I heave a sigh and turn back to the food.

If it's important, I'll figure it out eventually.

The rice is done now, and I spoon it into bowls and stir in the egg mixture, then leave it to thicken. The miso soup should be about done too.

I pause to study the countertop, then begin to put away all the ingredients.

You know what's funny?

Last night, during that stupid movie neither of us paid attention to after the midway point, I used judo skills he taught me to get out of that painfully awkward mounted position, but Ken didn't use any grappling moves on me once. He definitely could have.

Judo was one of the few activities he continued after he was no longer the Kaiser. Yeah, he had to work his skill level back up to where it had been under the influence of the Dark Seed, but he did—or at least pretty damn close. And once he regained his confidence, he added jiu jitsu to his many talents.

What little I know is from watching all his matches like the amazing friend I am and from us goofing off. I kept getting pissed off when he won our every wrestling game, so he took it upon himself to teach me some throws and escapes. I managed to win a few after that, though I'm still convinced he was just stroking my ego.

His skill is far beyond my level, and we're both well aware of that fact. He could have escaped that mount easily, even with his hands pinned.

Wait.

That means he chose not to. Did he want me to hold him down like that, to straddle him? Why?

Unease settles in my stomach.

Because I can only come up with one reason:

He wanted me to kiss him.

I fan myself, suddenly overheated from working at the stove.

Okay, yeah, if that's not what he wanted, kissing him would've been a huge, awkward, embarrassing mess, but if it is…fuck, I missed a perfectly good opportunity to kiss Ken and I should be kicking myself.

I've liked him so long I stopped considering any of this possible. The idea that childhood celebrity Ichijouji Ken, even if he's been my best friend for years, could reciprocate my feelings is laughable.

But I don't feel like laughing anymore.

I close my eyes, hands clenched, and struggle to breathe.

"Motomi—"

I jump, suddenly grateful my hands are clamped on the counter's edge instead of holding any of the food.

Behind me, he hesitates, then says, "Daisuke, why is the music so loud?"

I turn my attention to the radio instead of Ken and move over to turn it down. At some point, the station switched songs, probably a few times, but I was far too inside my own head to notice.

"Sorry," I say when it's quieter, finally glancing over my shoulder.

On the opposite side of the peninsula, Ken leans against a nearby wall, heavy eyes watching me, his black hair mussed up on one side in a way that screams nothing short of fucking adorable. Or you know, adorably fuckable. Thankfully, he doesn't look angry or upset, but I'm not taking any chances.

I clear my throat and slide two bowls toward him. "I made breakfast."

He eyes them carefully, then scoots closer to examine the contents: one bowl of miso soup and one of tamago kake gohan. "Thank you," he murmurs, not meeting my gaze, but he accepts the chopsticks and soup spoon with a soft smile and sits on the stool there. He looks oddly peaceful.

I stay in the kitchen while I eat, keeping the distance between us.

For a while, we eat in silence, both picking at the food. Ken always eats slowly, especially in the morning, but I still can't quiet my mind—all I can think are the words kiss and Ken over and over. God, if I keep this up, my brain is going to explode.

Ken takes a quiet spoonful of his miso, then assesses me with freakishly piercing eyes. "You alright, Motomiya? You look shaken."

My reaction is somewhere between shrugging and shaking my head. Yeah, that's real fucking convincing.

But he doesn't push the matter. "Are you still going to show me how to cook today?"

I pause mid-bite, having completely forgotten. "Uh, yeah, sure. We need to go shopping then."

He nods and offers me one of those perfectly sweet Ken smiles that's made me think I'm having a heart attack on multiple occasions.

There aren't many people who earn that particular smile, and like always, I'm honored and pleased to be one of the select few. But unlike every other time, my brain is now going to spend the next twenty minutes dissecting what exactly that smile means.

[karaokeadvice]

Meaningless Time

It’s a...Tuesday? I think? In the summer? I do know that it’s August, because I moved back to the States on August 1st. So I’m also completely jet lagged and I don’t have any sense of the time of day. To add to my confusion/displacement, I’m staying in my childhood bedroom at my mom’s house which has remained relatively unchanged since the mid-90s. (Case in point, my sister and I still refer to one of the bathrooms as “the new bathroom” although it was renovated in 1995.) So every day I wake up at about 5am craving enchiladas, and unsure about what decade it is, and where I am in my life. But I don’t think this is a unique problem. I assume that most of you are feeling aimless, unsure of the day of the week, and perhaps craving enchiladas at whatever hour you awaken. All of the “normal” markers of life are gone. Seems like a good moment to do a deep (medium?) dive into songs about time. 

Time (Clock of the Heart) - Culture Club 

[This is Karen’s only entry because not only is time meaningless, but I can’t remember any songs I have ever heard at all over the last 44 years.] 

I go through periods every few years where all I want to do is listen to this song on repeat and start crying a little bit when actual chiming reminiscent of a beautiful yet merciless clock gently starts up during the chorus, and if that’s not something you can relate to, I guess you probably didn’t grow up waiting to just get to the part when you’re an older yet wiser divorcee in a peignoir with a high rise apartment featuring large windows to knowingly gaze out of over a twinkling cityscape as a saxophone solo wails in the background. 

Well, some of that has come true for me, but not most of it, but luckily there’s always SOPHISTI-POP to help me cut to that feeling. According to Wikipedia, this is a term applied retrospectively to music “that emerged during the mid-1980s in the UK which incorporated elements of jazz, soul, and pop.” To me it’s songs that came on Top 40 radio after my mid-1980s bedtime of 8:00 pm so I had to listen to them on my clock radio stashed under my pillow and fantasize as detailed above and also something about impatiently taking off a large clip-on earring to answer the phone. 

This feels like a love song but it’s actually a giant dis and a meditation on the sunk-cost fallacy of long-term relationships that are dead in the water. “Time won’t give me time / And time makes lovers feel / like they got something real / but you and me we know we got nothiiiiiiiiiiin’ but time.” At first it feels romantic--we’ve got nothing but time, baby, time to spend together in this beautiful partnership. But wait a minute. Time makes lovers feel like they have something real, but in this case the lovers have...nothing but time. That’s it. Time and nothing else is what’s keeping them together. The charming chiming is actually signalling the death knell of a relationship. “Time won’t give me time.” Isn’t that the truth? Also: an excellent saxophone solo.

Time Passages - Al Stewart

I always get Al Stewart and Dave Stewart of The Eurythmics mixed up. (I know, I know.) This song is actually pretty boring: a perfect fit for this period of ongoing malaise. The experience of listening to it is the equivalent of not listening to anything. It also seems to go on forever, clocking in at 6 minutes and 40 seconds. 

There’s a seemingly endless youtube video someone made which pairs the song with just pictures of sunsets and skies. It’s exhausting and somehow irritating to watch. I think it’s supposed to be relaxing? 

There’s also a weird screaming instrument (or person) at just about the halfway point. So, it turns out I hate this song. I didn’t know until I started this entry. I learned something new about myself today. If you want everyone to die of boredom, you could sing this at karaoke. Actually, that would be a great idea for a room full of drunk kickball players. Please someone take me up on this challenge when and if we can ever safely gather again.

Breathe (2 AM) - Anna Nalick

I don’t know where Anna Nalick came from or where she went after she wisely cautioned us all to “just breathe” at 2am when we are waking up in a cold sweat and calling her for advice. Actually, at 2am I haven’t gone to sleep yet. I’m likely doing one of the following: having a debate with myself in my head about whether or not I should just give up sleeping and start a movie; deciding if it actually matters if I brush my teeth; wondering what things are plugged in that shouldn’t be; and/or mentally cataloging every boy I ever kissed. Also if someone called me at 2am I would scream. I’m calling BS on Anna Nalick actually picking up. At any rate, she is a really good friend to even consider answering the phone at that hour. Also maybe put your phone on vibrate?

Chicago - Does Anybody Really Know What Time It Is?

This is truly the question for RIGHT NOW. It’s also a really really dumb song. It seems like a filler song, like truly stream-of-consciousness writing (no shade; I’m doing the same thing right now!). But I’m envisioning the producer of Chicago’s album saying kind of last minute, “guys, we need one more song on this record. Literally anything.” I mean, look at the lyrics:

As I was walking down the street one day / A man came up to me and asked me what the time was that was on my watch / And I said / Does anybody really know what time it is 

I mean, maybe I’m not giving the songwriter (Robert Lamm!) enough credit. I guess he’s having the same existential crisis that we all are? But I just find the whole thing so irritating. Who wants to listen to a play-by-play of his day and the people he encounters while on his ambling stroll? TL/dr: one guy wants to know what time it is, some lady feels the need to inform him that her watch has stopped, and then there’s a lot of pushing and shoving (?!) as people are going to and from work. But not our narrator! He’s just walking around, waiting to be approached, so he can NOT ANSWER the question he is asked, and instead ponder the meaning of life. It’s so annoying! And also completely confusing how this was a HIT SINGLE?!! The 70’s, man. (More about this soon.)

Time in a Bottle - Jim Croce

When I lived in England (the first time, as a kid) I had my first BEST best friend, Judith. (Hi Pudes, if you’re reading this.) Like the first person outside my family who actually totally *got* me. I guess we got each other? It was actually how I always imagined friendship to be, but it had never happened like that for me before. 

We hung out every day after school and spent most weekends together. We’d stay up late listening to music in her room and just talking, talking, talking deep into the night. It was just before either of us had discovered boys, so all the energy that would later be used for crushes and romance was channeled into this amazing friendship. 

When we moved back to the US, I was devastated. 

We wrote long, newsy letters to each other faithfully for years. We saw each other every summer. I think it was the first summer we were reunited (her family came to the US to visit) that we sunk a lot of hours listening to “Time in a Bottle” and feeling sad about our fleeting moments together. We took the unusual step of writing the lyrics out on belts (?!!) for each other, and that belt with her handwriting and Jim’s lyrics hung on my closet door for all of high school. 

But there never seems to be enough time / To do the things you want to do / Once you find them / I've looked around enough to know / That you're the one I want to go / Through time with.

The bitter irony here, of course, is I lived in England again until last Saturday, and there still wasn’t enough time to see her. Not that we were allowed to for much of the past several months, anyway. But regardless, we have families and busy lives of our own now, and that brief fleeting moment when friendship is your only responsibility has long passed. 

Time After Time - Cyndi Lauper

I get a Strong Emotional Reaction from the opening chords of this song; do you? Flashback, warm nights!

This is one of three CL songs that I mix up. I always wonder, is this the one that makes me sad and I also think might be good to sing at karaoke? So I start here. Then, I realize, no, the one I’m thinking of has a longer title and something to do with night.

Oh! It must be “I Drove All Night.” So I move on to that one but it’s too upbeat.

Finally, I realize I must be thinking about “All Through the Night” and get the gut-punch nostalgia hit I was seeking from the opening keyboard twinkle. (Twinkle?!)  Hope you enjoyed this tour of my brain.

Anyway, back to this song. Time after time, Cyndi helps me sift through the suitcase of memories, dreaming about my bright future as Mrs. Corey Feldman. Like Karen’s SOPHISTI-POP entry, this is another ten-year-old under-the-covers listening experience. With no baseline for actual relationships, I pictured this as a treatise on Adult Love. A series of gauzy-hued Missed Connections, punctuated by consent issues (you say, go slow).

Upon grown-up relistening, it is a strikingly accurate portrayal of Relationships. She’ll be waiting for her lover, time after time, no matter what; but also literally waiting--what with the clock ticking and the second hand unwinding. I’ll wait for you forever but also it’s 7:35 WHERE ARE YOU.

(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life - Bill Medley / Jennifer Warren

This is not the best song on the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. That honor OBVIOUSLY belongs to “Hungry Eyes” by Eric Carmen. I don’t think you need to hear any more details about my ten-year old fantasies though, so I will spare you. 

“(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life” made a recent reappearance in my life when it was played at a Halloween party. I had a drunken miscommunication with my friend Nelson where I stood at one end of the dance floor and ran towards him at full speed, thinking he would somehow instinctively do “the lift”. But instead I just crashed into him and almost broke his glasses and nose. So, this is really just a word of warning. 

Also, Patrick Swayze is SO MUCH OLDER then Jennifer Grey; how did we not notice/care? Just so busy stanning Baby and Johnny Castle. Better or worse than the glaring age gap between David Bowie and Jennifer Connolly in Labyrinth? EVERYTHING IS RUINED.

All My Life - K-Ci & JoJo

Luckily, the YouTube comments have written this entry for us. 

Y.N. 2 months ago

Who’s listening during quarantine?  😁

O.S. 3 weeks ago

If you are also randomly playing old music. Hit like

JO 1 month ago (edited) 0% Butt shaking  0% Drugs 0% Lambos 0% Strippers 0% Cursing 100% TALENT

J.C. 2 weeks ago (edited)

TIMELESS!!!

[welovekpopscenarios]

Match Made in Heaven (Wonwoo x Reader)

Admin: Mimi

Prompt/ask: Could I have a scenario where SEVENTEEN's Wonwoo and you like each other and pretty much everyone knows but the two of you so the other boys plan to get you two together? Thanks! (:

Fandom: SEVENTEEN

Genre: Fluff

Pairing: Wonwoo x Reader (female)

Warnings: danger? I guess, but other than that, none!

Word Count: 5494 (got a bit carried away lol)

Authors note: Ahh thank you so much for the request! My first one! And for my bias from Seventeen, no less! I really hope you enjoy this ^^ I got a bit carried away writing this, but I hope you like it. Feedback is appreciated, so don’t be afraid to talk to us! This is quite long so it’s under the cut!

When you thought of Wonwoo, the prominent emotion you feel is happiness. A happiness that can described in many different ways: respect, fondness, adoration, giddiness, love. There was not one thing you didn’t love about Wonwoo. Whether it was his seemingly cold exterior that was a façade to the warm-hearted individual he really was, the stony resting face he wore that turned into the most beautiful nose crinkling smile you’ve ever seen, or even his calm and collected nature that switched to the dorky personality when he was having fun, you knew you loved every bit of him. His good looks, adorable and goofy disposition, his love for reading, and his passion for music and writing, there was simply nothing to not like about Jeon Wonwoo.

Unbeknownst to you, Wonwoo felt the same way about you. The boy who prefers to keep to himself can’t help but be drawn to you when you’re in the same room, his cool façade crumbling when speaking to you. He feels dull in comparison to your bright and beautiful exterior, feels like he shouldn’t even have the chance to speak with you because you’re just so amazing, so perfect, so you. Whatever he did in his past life certainly payed off in this one, blessed to know you and see you and love you. And he does, oh god, he does. There’s no controlling the swarm of butterflies in his stomach when you laugh, the redness of his cheeks when you lock eyes with him from across the room, the sweaty palms when you talk and joke with him. You fit him perfectly, like a puzzle piece he didn’t know he needed. He finds he needs you like the air he breathes, and you need him like a plant needs light.

A match made in heaven, isn’t it? Two individuals who adore and love each and every perfection and flaw of the other. One can find no better pair to be together.

Well, it would be a match made in heaven, if you were actually together. The two of you had been dancing around each other for years, since you were introduced to the rest of the members by your childhood friend Seungkwan when they had still been trainees. It had practically been love at first sight, and since then, your friendship had blossomed and you became closer than ever, knowing the ins and outs of one another better than your own. The two of you are oblivious to your feelings with each other, too afraid to make a move for fear of ruining a sacred friendship due to one stupid move. So, for years, longing glances tossed across rooms, horrible pining and denial about feelings was what both of you dealt with.

Everyone else, however, are completely aware of the blatant feelings you both have for one another, and they’re sick of it. Especially, Lee Jihoon.

He loves the both of you with all his heart, even if he’d never admit it, and just wants the best for both of you. The two of you are like family to him. He treats you like a sister. But he’s sick of watching all this stupid, lovey dovey pining. Makes him sick, to be honest. Which is why he calls the rest of the members with the help of Seungkwan (a fellow sufferer who just wants to see his closest friend happy with another one of his friends) to the living area of their dorm, Wonwoo conveniently hanging out with you (as he usually does on Friday nights, watching movies and talking) and was out of the dorm while Jihoon addressed the other boys.

“Yah, why are we all here? I was about to go for my shower,” Hoshi complains, giving Jihoon a pout. Jihoon rolls his eyes and glances at Seungkwan sitting beside him.

“Well, we’re here to talk about Wonwoo,” Seungkwan supplies, staring at each of the boys in turn. Joshua perks up at this.

“What? Did something happen to him? Is he ok?” Joshua fires off question after question, concerned for the silent boy. The other boys also look concerned for their bandmate, exchanging glances and biting lips.

“Well, yes. There’s no easy way to say this, but something is wrong with Wonwoo. He’s sick,” Seungkwan replies, brows furrowed and a devastated look on his face. The group panics, some rising to their feet and pulling out their phones, ready to contact Wonwoo and freak out. They stop, however, when Jihoon gives Seungkwan a shove that topples the boy over from his seated position on the floor and shoots him a glare. Seungkwan straightens, sighs, and turns back to the boys.

“Wonwoo is sick, He’s been bitten by the lovebug. For a few years, actually.”

A chorus of shouts and groans fill the room as the band members shout at Seungkwan, who grins in response.

“Why do you have to be so dramatic?” Vernon groans, throwing a pillow at Seungkwan’s head.

“Yeah, we were really worried! Don’t do that again,” Seungcheol warns.

“Alright, alright, everyone shut up! Now, we brought you here today, because I want something done about Wonwoo and Y/N. It’s been years, this has gone on for too long. They need a push, and we’re going to help them,” Jihoon explains, his intentions clear with the group now.

“Aww, how sweet Jihoon. I never took you to be so selfless,” Minghao croons, flashing a smirk at Jihoon, who returns it with a scowl.

“I’m just tired of looking at the puppy dog eyes they get every time they even think about each other. They need to get together, for my sanity and theirs.”

“I agree,” Jeonghan pipes up, “they clearly have feelings for each other, but they’re too scared to do anything. We need to help them.”

“So, how are we going to do this? Do we lock them in a bedroom together with candles and rose petals and let fate do the rest?” Jun wiggles his eyebrows, ready to say more but was cut off by Mingyu ‘s outraged cry.

“No! We are not corrupting Wonwoo like that! He’s too pure!” Mingyu cries, feeling anxious to protect his friend’s dignity for a bit longer.

“So, what’s the plan? How are we gonna get them together?” Seokmin beams, excited to be helping young love blossom.

“Well, we just wanted to bring up the idea to everyone and get everyone’s input so far. Any ideas?” Jihoon asks, eyes expectant as he scans the group.

A few ridiculous ideas were thrown out (“no, Vernon, you can’t rap about their love to them. And no, Hoshi, you can’t dance about their love either. Those are just weird.”), but none of them were working so far.

Chan, who has been quiet since everyone was gathered in living area, clears his throat, everyone turning to look at him.

“Uhm…why don’t you invite her to watch us during dance practice?”

He glances around wearily at the boys, gaining confused and deadpans stares from them.

“But Y/N comes to our, dance practices a lot. How would this be any different?” Mingyu inquires.

“Well, the rest of us could leave early, and let them have some alone time, give them some space to confess.” Chan replies.

It’s silent for a beat, and then “Yeah! We can lock them in so they have to confess to each other, or we won’t let them out! Good idea, Chan!”, that was Seokmin, and that wasn’t what Chan intended at all.

“Wait, no. That’s not what I meant,” but poor Chans attempts at rectifying the situation were futile, as surprisingly everyone agreed to this stupid idea, claiming it was ‘fool proof’, and ‘sure to work’.

Oh, how wrong they were.

-

The day started like any other. It was a Monday, you dragged yourself out of bed to head to your morning classes in college, did some work when you went home and were about to settle down for a bit of rest when around 3pm you received a text from Seungkwan, inviting you to attend another one of their dance practices. Not one to pass up on watching their dance practices (or seeing Wonwoo), you quickly sent a text back agreeing to come and got ready, oblivious to the scheming happening in the studio.

Wonwoo could tell something was off, he wasn’t stupid. Mingyu avoiding eye contact, sly smiles from the china line and Vernon stuttering whenever he spoke to him was a definite tip off if he didn’t feel like something was up to begin with. A smile too innocent directed at him from Seungkwan really set him off, and as he was about to ask what was wrong, you walked in the door with Jeonghan at your side and his throat closed up. God, you were just so beautiful. Great, now he was going to be distracted with you here during his practice and probably fall on his ass. Again. He supposes he could live with it like the last time it happened. Anything to have you fawning over him and giggling softly at his clumsiness again.

Your eyes searched the crowd of boys, each greeting you with a smile or a hug, when your eyes found his, and your heart burst. Seeing him just brightens up your day. He sends you a smile, the prettiest one, and you return it in kind, moving to settle by the side so you can watch the boys safely.

After a few dances, the boys are well and truly sweaty and exhausted. Some start to migrate out of the room, a few stragglers remaining. Wonwoo walks over to you and grins, moving to give you a hug but you step back, aware of the state he’s in.

“You’re sweating buckets, Woo, I’m not going near you,” you laugh, watching as he narrows his eyes and steps closer. You immediately catch on to his challenge and run towards the opposite end of the studio, away from the door, as Wonwoo follows and tries to catch you. You both don’t notice the other members left in the room make their quick escape out of the studio, leaving you and Wonwoo alone. You’re too busy laughing and running away.

Wonwoo catches up to you, wrapping you up in his arms and rubbing his sweaty head against yours, laughing amiably as he does. You squeal and try to escape, longing for his arms to be wrapped around you in a different, dryer, situation.

“Wonwoo, let go! You smell,” you laugh, trying to push out of his hold. He releases soon, when he realises the two of you are alone. He looks around in bewilderment.

“Wow. They left fast,” he muses out loud, walking towards his stuff to pack up. “Want to grab some food? My treat, I’m starving.”

“Well, since it’s your treat I guess I’ll come. I’m not one to pass up free food,” you grin cheekily, and Wonwoo scoffs.

Walking towards the door, Wonwoo puts his hand on the knob, ready to pull when he encounters a problem. It doesn’t budge. He frowns in confusion.

“Everything ok there? I can feel myself fading away from the hunger. Or maybe it’s your smell. Either way, I’m dying,” you speak from behind him.

“Uhm,” he begins, “the door won’t open.”

“What?” You push past him, reaching for the handle yourself and pulling. Nothing. What the hell is wrong with the door?  

Meanwhile, on the other side, the rest of the band are crowding around the door, craning their ears to try and hear what’s going on inside. They’re hopeful for proclamations of love. Unfortunately, that’s not what’s happening at the moment.

“I can’t hear anything!” Jun exclaims, elbowing Mingyu to get closer to the door.

“Well if you shut up, maybe we could hear something!” Jihoon snapped back at him, nearly squished against the door.

Chan stands to the side with Joshua, both feeling apprehensive about the plan now that it’s actually happening.

“Hey, uh, maybe we should unlock the door and leave. I don’t think this is going to work, it just seems really dumb now,” Joshua tries to reason with the group, but his hopes are dashed.

“Nah, it’ll work! It’s simple, they’ve no choice but to confess now! They can thank us later,” Hoshi replies, aiming to slip in between Seungcheol and Minghao.

Back on your side, Wonwoo is trying to calm you down.

“Oh god, Woo, I had so much to live for. I’m too young to die. I was gonna buy a goldfish this week and try to be a responsible person. I’ll never see the light of day again. I’m going to die in this sweaty, smelly practice room, aren’t I? I can already see the headlines. ‘Girl dies in dance studio, tragic, had no achievements. Leaves behind no legacy.’”

Wonwoo has his hand on your back, rubbing up and down in soothing motions while simultaneously trying to rip the door open and stop you from breaking down.

“Y/N, please calm down, the doors probably just jammed. I’ll get it open for us, ok? Just, deep breaths for me,” Wonwoo replies to your babbling. “Also, you are a responsible person, and you do have achievements, ok? So, don’t sell yourself short. You’re amazing.”

At this, you look up from where your head had taken refuge in your hands, and meet Wonwoo’s eyes. The two of you stare at each other with shy smiles before you’re interrupted by a thud on the other side of them door, both of your eyes snapping towards the sound at once.

Wonwoo clears his throat. “Hey, maybe the guys are outside. Hey! Can anyone hear us? The door is locked, or something. We can’t get out!”

On the other side, Seungkwan is clutching his forehead in pain.

“Ow! What the hell, Seokmin?” he glares at said boy, who accidentally pushed him face first into the door.

“Sorry, Kwan, I just can’t hear anything,” he grins guiltily.

“Yeah, well, watch it. Or else I’ll-“

“Shut up, I hear something!” Minghao exclaims, and all falls silent as they hear a muffled voice through the door.

“…the boat is docked?” Hoshi asks, relaying what he heard to the other boys. Suddenly, he gasps, “he’s taking her on a BOAT?!”

Seungcheol whistles. “Wow. He works fast. Who knew he was smooth?”

Jeonghan looks dubious. “Uh, I don’t think that’s what he said, to be honest. Where would he get a boat?” he looks around, and no one can give him answer. “Wait, I think I hear more.”

A beat of silence, and then-

“…we’ll plant it out?” Vernon wonders, scratching his head. “Plant out what?”

“The seeds of love!”

“Shut up, Hoshi,” Jihoon says, exasperated.

Chan talks above the rest of the boys’ bickering, garnering their attention.

“I think we should let them out now. They’re probably freaked out right now.”

Joshua agrees. “Yeah, I don’t think this was the best way to get them to confess. And… isn’t Y/N a bit of a panicker? She could be seriously scared in there!”

All at once, the boys’ eyes go as wide as saucers, realisation dawning on each of the members faces before they scramble to open the door up, desperate to save you from breaking down.

However, on your side, you just so happen to be pulling furiously on the knob.

“God! Just open already! I want to leave!”, you whine, pulling harder at the door.

A faint clicking sound can be heard, along with shuffling. Wonwoo picks up on it, and moves to stop you, but he’s too late.

“Uh, Y/n-“

BANG

The door was opened, at least. Shame that hit you full force in the face, knocking you backwards onto your butt.

Wonwoo is quick to rush to your side, and the other boys file in the door, faces plastered in shock and guilt.

“Oh my god, are you ok? Can you see me? God, what if we need to bring her to the hospital?” Wonwoo panics uncharacteristically, concerned for your wellbeing after what just happened.

“Oh my gosh, Y/N, we’re so sorry, we didn’t think you were on the other side!”, Hoshi apologises, and the rest murmur in agreement, looking shame-faced for the trouble the caused. You vaguely hear someone say to get an ice pack, but everything is hazy to you right now. This hurts so much.

You looked up with a groan. “This really hurts. Does it look bad?”

Some members let out horrified gasps before being promptly smacked and glared at by Jihoon.

“Oh, uh, no Y/N, it doesn’t look bad at all,” Mingyu laughs uneasily, “that big red mark on the side of your face will be gone in no time!”

You give an alarmed sound at that, and cover your face with your hands once more.

Wonwoo shoots a deadly glare at the group, causing their blood to go cold. He accepts the ice pack that Chan hands him and places it gently on your face, careful to not press too hard.

“C’mon, let’s get you home. I’ll order some food for us, ok?”

You nod, and with his help, you stand and walk out of the room after grabbing your things, Wonwoo’s arms wrapped around your form. He points one last stare at the group before leaving with you.

“Well, that failed,” Vernon announces, and everyone collectively groans.

-

It’s a few days after the ‘Door Disaster’, as Minghao put it and the guys are gathered in the living area of their dorm once again. After sending various texts with apologies and chocolates to make you feel better, you told the boys that you were cool with what happened. It was just an accident anyway, so you weren’t worked up about it. Pity about the giant bruise on your face.

Wonwoo has barely left your side since the accident, doting on you and your injury as if you were a child. While bothered at the babying, you certainly weren’t going to complain about all the attention he’s giving you, spending nearly every waking moment he can with you.

The boys apologised profusely to Wonwoo, who just ignored them and warned them to be more careful next time.

Which brings them to their current position, deciding what ‘Plan B’ was going to be.

“Look, I don’t think we should try anything anymore. Half of Y/N’s face is purple, thanks to us. Maybe we should just call it quits and let them sort things out themselves,” Joshua offers, glancing hopefully about the room.

“See if we do that, it’ll never get sorted. We just need to come up with a more obvious plan. One that screams ‘I’m in love with you and this is a confession’,” Jihoon replies. “The first plan was dumb.”

“That was technically Chan’s fault,” Jun supplies, ignoring the youngers yells of ‘excuse me?!’.

“Look,” Jeonghan sighs, “it doesn’t matter who’s fault it was,” (‘but it wasn’t me!’), “what matters is creating a better plan than the last. That failed miserably. We need to add a bit of romance. Which is why I propose a romantic candle lit dinner at our dorm.”

“Won’t it kinda defeat the purpose if we’re all there, too?” Seokmin asks, and Jeonghan fixes him with a deadpan stare.

“We’re not going to be there. We’re going to make them think it’s a group dinner, as an apology, but then we’ll leave at the last minute.”

“That’s a great idea! It’ll work perfectly,” Seungkwan agrees, elated at having a plan already.

“That’s what we said last time, and look what happened…” Minghao mumbles.

“Ok, so Mingyu will cook a nice dinner, Joshua and Jeonghan can help him, and the rest can help set up the room,” Seungcheol announces.

“Well, maybe let only some set up the room. Like Jun, Minghao, Chan and you, specifically,” Jihoon answers back. The room erupts in shouts, the other boys indignant and wanting to help. “I don’t want you messing anything up.”

“Yah! We won’t! We want to help!”, Seungkwan complains, desperate to be a part of the plan.

“Look, you can help clean and set up. Everyone gets a part. Everyone helps,” Seungcheol answers, and his word is final.

-

Fast forward to Saturday evening, Seungkwan receiving a text from you saying that you were getting ready before coming over. Wonwoo was ‘sent out’ to get a specific brand of cheesecake for dessert, and was told to not come home until he gets it. Good luck finding a cheesecake that doesn’t exist, Wonwoo.

The boys were excited, days of planning this meal to perfection. ‘It’s foolproof!’ ‘Great, now we’re jinxed.’ This was going to work, they were sure of it. Everything looks perfect. The boys had scrubbed the place down, top to bottom, and the dining was transformed. Candles were strewn about the room, a lavender scent wafted around the room, and a vase of roses was set on the table. They really went all out. Mingyu was in the kitchen with the others, preparing a delicious meal he knows both you and Wonwoo love, and everything was going perfect.

Until Mingyu’s phone started ringing.

He answered the call quickly, hoping to get out of it as soon as possible, when his face dropped. It was his aunt, and once she started talking, she did not stop. Mingyu tried to tell her he was busy, oh god he did, but she was having none of it. She wanted to talk to her favourite nephew, after all. Throwing an apologetic look towards the others, he ran out of the room. And then there were 11.

This wouldn’t be a problem, everything was set up. If only the rest knew Mingyu’s recipe. Deep breaths, Joshua, this shouldn’t be too hard. Seungkwan popped his head in to tell them Y/N was on her way, and deep breaths turned into quick pants. He started to panic. This wasn’t going to be finished, no one else knows how to cook this, it’s going to ruin the plan-

“Joshua, breathe. We’ll get this, it doesn’t seem like too hard a recipe,” Jeonghan tries to relax Joshua, feeling nervous himself. It’ll be fine. Yeah.

Hopefully.

“Hey, I’m texting Wonwoo and telling him to come back now,” Jihoon announces, looking around the kitchen. “Where’s Mingyu?”

“He got a call from his aunt, so he had to leave.”

“Are you serious? Ugh, of course something like that would happen. Just our luck. You two know how to cook the dinner, at least?”

Silence.

Jihoon narrows his eyes. “You do know how to cook the dinner, don’t you?”

“Uh…kind of?” Joshua laughs awkwardly.

“You know what, I don’t even want to know. Just cook the dinner, put it on their plates, and get out of here.” And with that, Jihoon leaves the kitchen.

Okay, stay calm. Everything will be fine, right? Just season it, turn the food over, and add some sauce. They hear the doorbell ring shortly after cooking the food some more. Wow you were fast. No need to fret, nearly finished. Just time to add the sauce. Joshua picks up the bottle closest to him, turning it over and gets ready to shake the bottle in the direction of the pot.

Jeonghan looks over at him as he’s about to do, and his eyes grow wide.

“Wait, don’t! That’s the-

WHOOSH

-OIL!”

The pot goes up in flames and both boys jump back in time to miss the eruption. The fire alarm rings above them, and the screaming starts.

“What is that?!” “What the hell is happening?” “I’m gonna die! I’m too pretty to die!” “Shut up and call the fire department! Where’s the fire extinguisher?” “Somebody blow out the candles in the dining room, we don’t need more fires.”

You’re frozen in your spot, watching the chaos unfold before your eyes. The boys are running around the dorm in a rush, panicking and screaming and you were almost sure you heard someone wailing. You almost didn’t hear Wonwoo come up behind you, having ran up the stairs, hearing the commotion from basically a mile away.

“What’s going on here? What happened?” he asks, bewildered beyond belief. He left for an hour, and he came home to this?

“I-I don’t know? I just got here and next thing everyone started freaking out when the fire alarm went off,” you reply, finding it hard to tear your eyes away from the scene.

Mingyu runs out of his bedroom, and towards the centre of the disarray.

“What did you do to my food? It’s ruined!”

“Mingyu, we have more pressing matters at the moment than burnt food!” someone replies.

The fire department came in record time, stopping the flames before they could expand throughout the dorm. The lot of you stood in the kitchen after the firemen left, staring at the black stains along the wall. At least nobody got hurt.

Except for pride.

“So,” you speak up after a bout of solemn silence, and glance around at the band, “anyone up for pizza at mine?”

-

“This is getting ridiculous. And incredibly dangerous,” Seungcheol says, fed up with everything at this point. Everyone was still reeling after the ‘Fire Fiasco’ (“Minghao stop doing that”), and everyone was starting to give up on helping you and Wonwoo get together. But Seungkwan was not having it.

“We’re so close though, I can feel it! They just need one more push,” he reasons, and while some agree, others are apprehensive.

“Haven’t we cause enough damage? First, we bashed her face against the door, then we nearly set fire to our apartment. I think we should just leave it for a while, don’t you? Just let them relax after everything that’s happened,” Seungcheol speaks out. Quite frankly, they could all do with a break. Speaking of…

“Aren’t we supposed to have a weekend off next week? Let’s just chill and have fun! It’s rare we get days off, anyway. Let’s live it up while we can.”

Being reminded of the weekend off, everyone agrees to give the matchmaking a rest for a while.

“What are we doing for it?” Chan asks.

“I think we’re going to the beach,” Jihoon answers.

“I haven’t been to the beach in forever,” Vernon muses. The boys talk about past experience with beaches for a while, reminiscing on memories, when Jun gets and idea.

“Hey, how about we invite Y/N with us? It’ll be fun,” he offers, “plus, Wonwoo will get to see her in a swimsuit,” Jun smirks.

Hoshi nudges him, but agrees with the notion of you tagging along. “It wouldn’t hurt to try one more time, would it?”

The group looks doubtful, but figures it might not be a bad idea.

And so here you are a week later, lying down on a towel, soaking up the summer sun with Wonwoo at your side. When you had received the invitation off Seungkwan, you were uncertain (“A tsunami isn’t going to come, is it?” “Ha ha. Very funny, Y/N”), but decided to go when Wonwoo insisted you came along as well (how could you ever resist him?).

The day had been fun, the car ride to the beach filled with singing, jokes and laughter. The beach was even better, playing volleyball with the boys and getting ice cream, the trip was nothing but entertaining. But it came to a stop when Seokmin decided to start dragging you into the sea with him when Wonwoo went to use the bathroom. Now, it’s not that you don’t like swimming, it’s just that you can’t. Well, not very well. So, when he started to drag you out towards the big blue with him and a few others, you tried your hardest to stop him, but he just picked you up over his shoulder and carried you towards the group. You can’t really fault him for anything, he didn’t know about your lack of swimming abilities, only Wonwoo and Seungkwan knew (who was nowhere in sight, probably buying souvenirs at the local shops).

To say you were scared when you were thrown into the water would be an understatement. You were terrified, terrified of drowning, of getting hurt, of looking dumb for not having a basic ability. When the water rushed around you, you panicked and started to throw a fit in the water, frantic to find the surface so you could breathe again. But it never came, and all you could see around you was blue and bubbles. Your chest tightened, becoming so uncomfortable, and you really believed this was the end. Until a pair of arms wrapped around your waist and hauled you out of the water.

You gasped and tried to suck in as much air as possible into your lungs. You couldn’t hear much other than the ringing in your ears, but you could feel yourself being carried to the sand, saw Wonwoo shouting at the others who’s faces were full of shame and fright, felt a towel being wrapped around your shivering frame and your body being encased by a larger one, whispering soothingly in your ear.

“Y/N, we couldn’t be more sorry, I didn’t know you can’t swim, I’m so, so, so sorry,” Seokmin was devastated, this was the last thing he wanted to happen.

“You should have thought of that before dragging her out!” Wonwoo was furious. He never felt so scared in his life when he came back from the bathroom to see you missing from the towel and instead struggling to breach the surface of the water as the others messed around you.

“W-Wonwoo, it’s fine…” you began but he cut you off.

“No, you could’ve drowned or gotten seriously hurt. It’s not ok,” he concluded, and rounded on the others, still covering your shivering body. “What is up with you guys lately? You’ve all been acting weird lately, and you’re all acting so suspicious. It seems like whenever we’re around you, something goes wrong.”

You nod from beside him, and everyone shifts awkwardly on their feet, careful to avoid eye contact with you and Wonwoo. Jihoon groans and rubs his forehead, his shoulders sagging. He feels a headache coming on.

“I can’t do this anymore. This is happening now, I’m done with trying to ‘help’ them any more.”

Wonwoo fixes his stare on Jihoon, choosing to ignore the shocked and anxious faces from the others. “What do you mean?”

Jihoon sighs, and look at the two of you. Before anyone can stop him, he opens his mouth:

“Y/N, Wonwoo likes you. A lot.”

You freeze underneath Wonwoo’s arms, and it’s his worst nightmare. No no no please, don’t do this. He doesn’t want to face rejection from the one person who never fails to make his day better, who makes him smile like no other, who is always there for him, who-

“Wonwoo, Y/N likes you a lot, too,” Seungkwan adds.

What?

“What?” he questions out loud, turning to stare at you as you look back at him with confusion, but your eyes hold a glimmer of hope to them.

You swallow, and ask “is that true, Wonwoo?”

His chest tightens, his hands are probably shaking, but I guess it’s now or never.

“Yes…,” he clears his throat, building his courage, “yes, it is. I do like you, Y/N, I like you a lot more than just ‘like’. I have since I met you years ago when Seungkwan brought you in to meet us. I love every piece of you, every curve and edge, and I’m head over heels for you,” he laughs at that, and goes to continue, but you interrupt him by pressing your lips to his.

Despite the cheering of the boys around you, it feels as if it’s just you and him, so wrapped up in each other. You feel light headed in the best way, stomach erupting in butterflies that never fully went away in the years you’ve known him, and you honestly can’t picture a happier moment in your life than right now, feeling his lips on yours and his hand around your waist, pulling you even closer to him.

You pull back with a grin full of love, and whisper “I’m head over heels for you too, Jeon Wonwoo.”

He grins the brightest grin you’ve ever seen him make, clutches you as you laugh and run your fingers through his hair, the boys still cheering the both of you on.

You loved absolutely everything about Wonwoo, from the little things to the big things. Everything that makes him, him, you appreciate and adore with all your being. And Wonwoo loves everything about you, every inch of you and your soul, and he couldn’t imagine a more perfect half to his being.

A match made in heaven.

-

“Well, ‘Beach Bust’ ended up being the most successful plan, who would have thought.”

“Minghao, stop!”

“You still have to answer for all the weird stuff that’s been happening.”

“But Wonwoo!”

[tonguetiedmag]

music: weekly roundup (our favorite submissions of the week)

Suns Up - Just Because

Suns Up’s latest single “Just Because” finds the perfect blend of indie pop ballad and lyrical lovesickness. This song wants you to dance in your bedroom or scream its lyrics on the freeway while also remembering your first high school romance. Lead singer is stuck “sipping on the words that [he] meant,” and we’re stuck sipping on this infectious melody. Addictive and nostalgic, you’ll be playing this song on repeat on those days you just feel like reminiscing.

Keelan Mak - Warm Blooded

Dark, mysterious, and ethereal, Keelan Mak’s “Warm Blooded” enters as delicate as a moth but leaves a heavy feeling on your chest. Synth pop beats move to the singer’s warm and heady vocals, as he contemplates people who think they’re good at heart but leave you intentionally hurt. The singer asks “why have you done these things to me?” wanting to believe that people are good yet acknowledging very few people are. This song broods and bleeds and yet tastes delicious, and we love the mood this song creates for its listener.

Habits, pt. 2 - Pedro DaSilva

Pedro DaSilva’s “Habits, pt. 2” makes you feel sentimental like waiting for a text back lying in your childhood bedroom. DaSilva’s vocals move from nostalgic to soft and heavy as he talks about all the reasons the relationship can’t seem to last. Wanting to hold onto something real, “Habits, pt. 2” ends with the speaker admitting he’s “still in love with a ghost,” a truth that anyone who gets stuck in the past can understand. With emotional vocals and sentimental guitar to match, DaSilva has us reminiscing on all the ways a relationship can be great and still fragile.

Tatum Gale - Crocodilian

Tatum Gale’s quirky single “Crocodilian” lingers on the simple and joyous things. Gale’s vocals are fun and laid back, and the music for this track samples piano, synth, and simple drumbeats, making a song that’s easy to listen to and effortless to enjoy. Even so, Gale considers his own indecisiveness and his desire to have someone “play along” with his silliness, as he thinks about a future with labradoodles and “matching haircuts like a couple of fools.” All of us want someone we can be our imperfect and quirky selves around, and Gale’s deceptively easy music betrays a deeper desire that all of us can relate to.

nicopop. And Tyler Mann - Lover Lover

Raspy, emotive vocals come in to infectious guitar chords in nicopop.’s “Lover Lover.” Putting elements of electric and Spanish guitar and synth beats with Mann’s smooth and sultry vocals, this song leaves us feeling both warm and wanting. Mann struggles to persevere in this relationship as he sings “trying to call out your name but there’s still blood on my tongue.” This song struggles with wanting more, and we certainly want to hear more of nicopop. and Tyler Mann’s addictive collaboration.

Jake Wesley Rogers - Little Queen

Jake Wesley Rogers’ “Little Queen” hurts right from the start. Lamenting a relationship that’s passed its prime, Rogers’ emotive vocals lilt with the pain of wanting to fix something that seems irreparably broken. Rogers believes his partner’s lies, tries to help fix his partner’s appearance, and lets himself be called a “little queen” as a background chorus chants “doesn’t it seem so spiritual?” The poetry of Rogers’ lyrics is accented wonderfully through his emotional vocals, and this song has us crying cathartically.

Glossii - Jank (This Dirty Broken Town)

Glossii’s “Jank” has us reliving our teenage punk rock days. With the whole gamut of electric guitars, infectious drumbeats, and playful vocals, “Jank” wants you to dance alone in your bedroom and scream at your hometown. Loud, wild, and in your face, Glossii’s chorus of “this dirty broken town / will end up burning down” is an homage to teenage angst. We love feeling young again and recommend this as our pump up jam of the week.

Angela Aux - Killer Kid

Quirky yet homey, Angela Aux’s “Killer Kid” has a low-key bedroom pop vibe that keeps us in for the night. A full ensemble of seemingly mismatched instrumentation - acoustic guitar with background horns and an eerie opening synth line - makes this song unique to say the least, and it’s wonderfully set against the lead singer’s humbly emotive lyrics. This song is about simply living and being the best at whoever you are, even if it means being “a killer kid / [who] can’t get away with it.” We love how touching and emotive this song sounds and recommend it for anyone who needs a little more tenderness.

Driveaway - Sitcom

Driveaway’s “Sitcom” has us living inside an 80’s movie. Funky guitars and cymbal crashes come together in a modern synth pop sound that moves to the lead singer’s moving indie pop vocals. Still, this song has its share of poeticism, as the lead singer admits “before I trusted other people… [you] hung up the phone and cut the chord,” adding that “anachronistic lullabies won’t save us.” Nostalgia tinged and vibrant, we love the way this song moves us.

Ishan - Closer by the Chainsmokers

Ishan’s “Closer by the Chainsmokers” is wonderfully weird, and has nothing to do with the song it references. Blending synth rhythms with vocal samples from Bollywood, elements of hip hop and synth pop come together in this infectious dance beat. We love the landscape this song creates, how, without lyrics, it seems to straddle the borders of Ishan’s Indian-American identity. This song wraps up our weekly round up with something fun, interesting, and infectious.

Listen to all of these songs on our playlist! 

Article by: Sean Glatch

[lesoleilxjulien]

life in pink: the aftermath.

TBH Jerome probably tries to tell him that they should stop in a small moment of clarity. Against his lips would he murmur "we shouldn't-" but the words die in the back of his throat when Juliens hips move and their tongues brush together, his mind turning hazy again. and oh my god. He'd realize and Jerome is still asleep but on the verge of waking up- the sun melts through the window panes and into the bedroom and it dances in front of his eyelids forcing him to awaken. Jerome's vision is all blurry with the aftermath of intoxication burning the edges of his brain and it takes a while for him to realize Julien lays next to him. And that Julien lays next to him /naked/. It dawns on him that something happened as he looks at him and it happened in a drunken haze when self control was at a minimum. He'd tense, instant regret settling right in the pit of his stomach. Like he tries so hard to keep Julien just that bit distant. He already treats him like someone he loves, he already allows him to get so close, the lack of physical intimacy kept him from giving the full package without saying I love you. Because he knows how he gets when he is intimate with someone he loves. He knows he gets talkative. He knows he pours everything in it. And he never wanted to touch Julien like this because he knows things would shift. The teasing and tension behind their friendship wouldn't be just friendly anymore, or, be pushed to friendly skinship, it would mean something then, something different. He'd be faced with the dilemma of not being able to tell him he loves him but also unable to assure Julien is not just another name in a sea of many, that he's special. He'd be faced with the question if Julien wanted him, just his body, or he regrets this mistake. But now it happened and everything he wanted lays far forgotten in the moments of blissful intimacy his drunken self experienced as now everything unwanted hits him like a stack of bricks. He can't remember much in the moment. He doesn't remember how far they went, what he said, why Julien allowed it to happen. He just feels the sting of scratches on his skin, tastes the flavours of liquor and /Julien/ on his tongue and it gives him the questions his hungover head is not able to handle. Oh my god. Jerome would want to bolt out of the bedroom so fast. Like his hand would slide off Juliens stomach after they'd have this staring contest that wordlessly says /this shouldn't have happened/. And he throws on some boxerbriefs, wanting to escape. But either Julien calls out his name or he just turns around and he stops. Freezing just three steps away from the edge of the bed. And he looks at Julien. "What did we do." WOWWW. ok OK. I FEEL PAIN. (also sorry not sorry but i thought. during it jerome tells him he loves him but its against his skin and its muffled and julien is too consumed in rolling his hips and he's way too drunk to hear. jerome forgets he even said it as a groan rips from his throat and sORRY nOT sORRY) and wow. Jerome leaves for Indonesia a few days later and if Julien watches the honeymoon episode he just gets greeted with a Jerome who looks totally out of it. He's not himself. Or, well, he's not his public self. And it's strange. During the days in Indonesia he pieces together parts of what happened that night too and even though he can't place everything, he remembers how he felt. He remembers how Julien felt. Scenes of the night flashes through his mind during the honeymoon, leaving him breathless. And oh catch him zoning out during activities and Jiyong having to pull him out of it. MULTIPLE TIMES. And Yoonah was there too and she's known Jerome since before debut and he's acting really weird and wow? He seems a bit emotionally charged. But omg yes. Marie is that extra scoop. It gets their feelings going. The fact that Julien got upset he went home with her makes him wonder but his mind immediately tries to get rid of those thoughts. He gets scared and defensive. They almost end up fighting because no answers are being told. (also extra. during the talk with Marie something happens eye emoji and.. he compares Marie to Julien. WHICH FUCKS HIM UP SO MUCH because Marie was always the source of his comparisons, always having others not being good enough, not being /her/. and now /she wasn't him/ HEAVES Jerome almost breaks down in her hotelroom then.) Oh and would the last day of Tokyo sleeping together thing still happen? Because that would fuck with Jerome even more. Its a different kind of intimacy and because he can't admit to himself Julien might want him too, he doesn't know what to think of it. He just knows his mind goes to the negatives. Jerome just wants to tell Julien to stop doing this to him bUT HE CANT? BECAUSE IF HE DOES HE'D ADMIT THINGS. and then Indonesia and Julien wants to talk about it and Jerome doesn't. He wants to avoid like he did around the phone call but they are forced together by their companies, they have the song together, their hotelrooms are probably small spaces apart and Jerome gets frustrated. And omg. what if it slips out. Jerome gets heated. Julien pulls and pulls because he wants to talk it out and "Julien, don't do this to me." omg. and oh it just dives into ANGST and thEY JUST HURT EACH OTHER. BECAUSE ONE CANT ADMIT SHIT AND THE OTHER IS STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HE FEELS AND WOW IM CRYING. also ok literally the ash/jerome thread got me so upset bc it's all so intertwined. Jerome pushes Ash to hang out with Julien more, Ash questions Jerome how he could be so sure Julien doesnt want to be his. Meanwhile Julien is just wakes up at 3am /ouo my spidey senses are tingling./ no but honestly. If they ever find out from each other that Jerome is Zhiwu and Ash is Taki RIPPP bc if i look from Jerome's perspective he really goes IN on his descriptions of Julien. Plus the pronoun dropped. He doesn't have many friends to begin with and no one is as close as Julien. ITS ALSO FUNNY THOUGH. bc Julien is someone who brings him back to old Jerome sometimes because he's in love but feels comfortable. And Julien is ALSO someone who brings Ash back to his childhood and those old memories like damn Julien is a time machine. also. look. Lena. imagine if Julien ever stayed over and they are fast asleep but Julien awakes from the buzzing of Jeromes phone bc Ash is texting him and the screen of the phone just says something vague about Jerome's love life and its gone before you know it because the screen locks again and darkens the room once more. omg.

That sounds about right. Julien would hear that and wouldn't even pay attention to it, he's too far gone already. If there was any part of him that was coherent, that part would have told him to stop before he ends up making a big mess, which is what he's already doing. But that next morning... Julien feels horrible, to say the least. The liquor left him with a gnarly hangover, his head spinning a little and the light slipping in through the windows too bright for him right now. He feels like his limbs are heavy, and his lower back has a dull throb to it that he hasn't felt in a really long time. He's had one of these mornings before, usually a signifier of a really great night, but this time around, he's feeling dread pool into the depths of his stomach. He's hoping that the gaze he's going to meet isn't one of pure regret, and that alone worries him to the core. Julien's frustrated, because he's wanted Jerome this whole time, but not like this. He regrets it, but only in the sense that he did it before even letting his feelings be known to Jerome. And he starts to project all these things, especially from their first meeting and the way Jerome said he'd have to try something extra special. He shouldn't think that far, but it makes an appearance in his mind, and he tosses it aside before it festers. And looking at jerome, he sobered up quickly. He'd be speechless, tongue tied, his dizzying mind trying to get his mouth to open but no words are coming out. They both believe it shouldn't have happened, but they both think that the other has that feeling for a different reason. And Julien tries to say something, but Jerome is already clambering out of the bed, and that's enough to have him so afraid that /okay. Jerome regrets it. This isn't what he wanted./ he'd try to salvage it, sitting up in bed as the sheets pool at his hips and he has such a scared and anxious look on his face. Jerome sees the disheveled hair, the bloodshot eyes, the marks and bites scattered all over Julien's neck and collarbones and chest. "...what does it look like we did?" And his voice is hoarse and he looks... there's a look of disbelief and regret clear on his face but it's aimed toward himself more than Jerome and UGHFJJFJFJFJ. (wow okay fuck me up. Julien also drunkenly tells Jerome how much he's wanted him but how he doesn't want to fuck it all up) Julien would probably hole himself up in his apartment with miso and edi. When it comes to things, Jerome is Julien's confidant, but what happens when the situation is about Jerome? Who does he talk to then? Cue Julien calling Jisoo and crying his eyes out about it while Jerome is in Indonesia. He'd watch the episode after Jerome gets back and he'd pick up on it, but he's not sure if it's bc there's a shift in his head or if Jerome is actually affected by it. He'd probably text Jiyoung and ask her to keep an eye on him. He's a mess the next few days and probably even cries to the cats. Yep. Marie is the one that ends up being the catalyst. Julien and Jerome really end up nearly fighting because Julien is crying and not explaining everything and Jerome is crying and not explaining everything either. Julien isn't asking the right questions either. Instead of asking if Jerome and Marie are together and the rumors are true, he asks if Jerome went home with Marie (to which Jerome's answer is not the answer Julien wants). When Jerome answers him, Julien doesn't even want to talk at this point ("why does it matter what happens with me at this point? You have a girlfriend now, don't you?") which of course sets off Jerome because Julien doesn't know what he's talking about, but it's also not completely Julien's fault either. And they either they argue or sort out enough of the mess that it puts them on speaking terms again. (BIIIITCH I'm screaming over Jerome rn my poor son) Also for that last day, it can still happen but we'd have to switch things around. The calendar for the event had everyone heading back to Korea at night right after the concert on a red eye. So they could have slept together beforehand and went to the concert then slept on the plane or they could have ended up at the airport together and on the plane and after landing in Korea one of them goes home with the other to sleep. But we could go either way! And the next few weeks after that Julien is just throwing himself into work. He's released a song with sooyeon, and then there's the song with Jerome (but for plot's sake we can say they worked on this song beforehand? Unless we plot something out with it), and he's releasing another song with jisoo soon too. But Indonesia is going to be a mess. With just the two of them, there's a lack of buffer, which frustrates the hell out of Julien and he just wants things to be okay between them. He misses Jerome so much, and if Jerome doesn't answer the door, best believe Julien is going to sit outside and threaten to make a scene unless Jerome lets him in. IM ALREADY SAD IN ANTICIPATION OF THIS. UGH OK BUT I READ IT AND I AGREE. Julien wakes up at 3am and those big ass ears of his are ringing ok. He just looks around and blinks wearily before curling back up in bed next to miso. But tbh Julien just makes an off-handed comment like "wow Ash is someone making you hang out with me or do you just miss me?" bc he sees ash more. Oh god. And also from Ash's perspective he doesn't have many friends from childhood and Julien is the only one really. And then you have Julien sitting there all ouo/ Julien is forever a time machine ok he likes to bring people back to how they were when they were happiest. It's his little skill uwu omg RIGHT. Julien just blinks and looks at it. Or if instead of Taki, the phone number shows up and he's just blinking like /why is Jerome texting Ashton?/ but he's half asleep and it disappears and he sighs before flopping back in bed and /I'll tell him in the morning/

Oh my god. I just thought about it. And Jerome basically chooses this. Julien gets drunker quicker and normally when he gets a bit handsy Jerome always stops him, has self restraint. Even when Julien is on his lap moving slightly and Jerome feels like he’s about to break, he just quiets him down with arms wrapped around his waist and chin on his shoulder, telling him to stay put. He always keeps his resolve. He always stops drinking when he’s metaphorically half way through the door, even if Julien continues. And now, he doesn’t. After the blurring of lines he hears no inner voice telling him he should stop anymore. Instead of staying just that bit sober his lips find the rim of the bottle with the auburn liquor that knocks the sense out of him. Depending on who it is that initiates the kiss, Jerome could’ve stopped either of them. He could’ve turned his head if it was himself leaning in, he could’ve leaned back. If the heat of the moment already had their lips touching Jerome could’ve still stopped it, bask in the sweet taste of them but stop nonetheless. If Julien leaned in and pressed their lips together he, with every fibre in his body telling him to relax against the pillowy lips, could’ve stopped it. But instead he licks into his mouth, his hand curls into his shirt on the small of his back just so he could instinctively press him closer and they seal their fate. Jerome might later on think he took advantage of the situation, something he didn’t want to do. He should’ve been responsible. He should’ve stopped. Julien already drank himself into a hiccuping mess on his wedding day and that same tension carried over when he entered his home. He should’ve known. He should’ve carried him to his bedroom when Julien neared his undressing phase, he should’ve laughed when Julien tells him he’s not tired and that the blankets are too hot, he should’ve pressed a kiss to his forehead before leaving him to fall asleep on the couch. He should’ve done what he normally did. But he didn’t. And the repercussions are imminent. 

It was a rhetorical question. Or maybe just a question to himself. /What did they do?/ They crossed /that/ line. Jerome still can’t wrap his head around it. He still can’t pinpoint when rationality got thrown out of the window. He just knows he regrets it. So much.   And now with him standing he feels so cold. He misses the blissful warmth he felt when he was not yet awaken. With his arm slung around Juliens waist and his nose nuzzled up against his shoulder like he belonged to be in his arms, his scent being everything he wants to be engulfed with, but he couldn’t return now. He couldn’t climb back, be pressed up against the warm nude body again because things are different now. They woke up. So he just stands there, looking so vulnerable half naked in the boxers he grabbed haphazardly to cover himself the most he could as before sliding out of the bed. He just stares at Julien when the question gets thrown back at him, the hoarseness of his voice sending a deadly shiver down his spine. /what does it look like we did?/ His eyes slide over his neck, the marks on his skin contrasting so beautifully like they’re meant to be there. And normally he’d feel pride. Though he doesn’t mark easily, he sometimes does it to tease the girls he’s with, to know they have to walk in embarrassment to the make up chair and have the artist cover it up. But as his eyes trail down his neck it looks like he had a purpose, like he wanted to claim him, like he wanted to remember what its like for Julien to be his. And his hazy brain shows him, shows him how aggressive he had been with his kisses and his biting, like every mark on the softly tanned skin was him proclaiming “You’re mine.” without verbally saying it. He remembers the way Julien had been gripping on his hair then, allowing him to leave the red and purple bruises on his skin whilst the elegant fingers uncurled from his hair, slipping over his neck only to end up digging half moons into his broad shoulders. He almost chokes, a faint noise heard from the back of his throat as he stared so intensely, a stare that would leave anyone selfconcious. He says nothing in that moment, just stands there looking like a mess himself post intimacy. It’s a rare sight, the morning after, not many people getting the chance to see it but it’s beautiful. The sunrays pouring through the window melt like honey on his olive complexion, showing the signs of love making clear on his skin. Somewhere in the depths of his mind where the romantic and the hedonist meet, he gets told to bath in what had happened. Their true nature comes out when they get drunk. Filters disappear when they get drunk. Julien was his when they got drunk. It was real. It was raw. But he’s too terrified. Eyes fall onto Julien expression and they mirror each other so well, both regretful, both scared, both so uncertain. But the fact is that both of them can’t know what the other is thinking. And false truths get formed. He reads his expression wrongly, and it breaks him.

Blanching, the subtle red hue that stays on his skin after alcohol and sex drains completely. The regret that lingers on the visage, that normally blossomed flowers in his chest, feels like it’s knives digging straight in his heart. Why is he regretful? Is it because he got drunk and slept with his best friend? Is it because the endless flirting ended up in disappointment? Was he not good enough? The uncertainty throws him in the negatives. Strange was it, that if Julien was looking at him with nothing but love and adoration, he’d be just as scared. Just for another reason. “It looks like-” As soon as he starts talking the words die in the back of his throat. He can’t say it. He can’t say what’s on the tip of his tongue. His aching head isn’t letting him. Eyes tear away from Juliens face, but not before they flashed with something Julien was unfamiliar with. Fingers run through the dark brown locks atop his head as he looked at anything that wasn’t the source of his affection and his troubles, his Adams apple bopping up and down to swallow away the rest of the sentence he couldn’t vocalize, replacing it with a harsher one. “-Like something we shouldn’t have done.” It hurts to say, but wasn’t it true? They shouldn’t have. And the sentence contrast so much with the way he was last night. When every fibre in his body said he should do it. When he was so sure of pouring everything into it, into loving him and having him and making him shout his name. So hungrily, so needy, like he’d been deprived from it for too long. With their mouths bruising from rough kisses that would betray if they could watch it back, their bodies molding together like they’d belong against each other, their voices vocalizing their most inner desires and hidden truths about one another and it all felt so right. But now..

Jerome turns around when the words left his lips and the pretty red lines that ran down his back in fives where still so vibrant after the nights sleep, connecting all the unique moles that kissed his skin with one another. He’s distraught. He remembers telling Julien to be his special someone, he remembers Julien suggesting to be his, to marry him even, but just for a song. He remembers slowdancing through the livingroom with Julien, head on his shoulder and fingers intertwined as he sang, just to him. He remembers the kiss, pressed so unexpectedly but so welcomed and needed and the second their mouths connected all he wanted was to keep tasting, like he had nectar on his lips. And Jerome lets his tongue swipe across his lips nervously, breath almost hitching when he did, like he still tasted Julien on them. He feels like he’s suffocating in the room, even with his body turned away from Julien he could feel him and it breaks him apart. He feels stupid. He feels scared. He feels like he betrayed himself again. Don’t fall in love. He finds Julien. Don’t let people get too close. He has Julien. Don’t do anything stupid. He touches Julien. Don’t get intimate with him. He kisses Julien. Don’t love him. He loves him. Oh, he needs to breathe. “I-I’m getting you some aspirins and water. Stay here.” He tells him, genuine care mixed with excuses to leave the room heavy with tension and regret. As he walks to the door that leads outside of his bedroom, Julien has the chance to say something if he so pleases, the month younger male stumbling to the door with a way too clouded mind. What he wanted to vocalize was left unsaid but it rang more true than the words of regret that escaped his lips after observing Juliens skin. /It looks like… like I loved you/ W O O P S. WELL. WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT. I REGRET. I REGRET. AS MUCH AS JEROME AND JULIEN. I’M CRYING. (but- ohmygod. Catch Jerome’s hips stuttering or his teeth just biting down a bit harder onto his skin when Julien says that, admits that. Because he has this weird thing with being wanted and being unwanted because of everything that happened in his life and to have Julien tell him that he’s wanted him, ohmygod Jerome almost comes right there and then lbr here. It’s canon that Julien can break him by either telling him he loves him or telling him how much he wants him btw. Like it’s powerful. BUT OHMYGOD THOUGH Jerome remembers this when they are arguing together and Julien just says something with the word /want/ in his sentence and the night hits him like a stack of bricks. He hears Julien tell him that he wanted him between the heavy breathing and the sounds and oh shit Jerome ends up kicking Julien out of his hotel room)

Oh my god. I’m in so much pain. Would Julien name drop? I don’t think he would but I gotta ask because wow if he did that would be messy. Like. Jisoo is Jerome’s company mate they see each other often and it would be.. oh lord. The visual of Julien crying w the cats though I’m so pained. The only person in Korea he could talk to would be Ash and he’d probably blow up the poor boys phone with it. Freddy is also someone he could talk to be he suspects too much already. If he comes online saying a friend had sex with a friend he’d just “So you finally had sex with the love of your life huh?” and he cant have that. But, in Indonesia he’d have this odd conversation with Yoonah who thinks he’s trying to hit on her again after years of him not doing so but he’s just needs advice. He asks her something along the lines of /what if we got really drunk and fucked right now. how would we fix it./ and he knows whatever answer he gets wont help because Yoonah isn’t Julien but he needs to talk without explicitly stating he made love to Julien in a drunken haze and now he feels hopeless. They don’t talk for a few days, maybe Yo. I’d feel like they’d argue. Like. A lot. Because neither of them are that smart when heated. And all this tension just builds up and up with the moments of not speaking to the avoiding to Jerome going home with a way too pretty French girl (from Dax’s descriptions “He totally scored. She was eyeing him the whole night. He even ditched me to talk to her privately somewhere and lord knows what they did there.” and the photos of them walking almost hand in hand to the pictures from a disheveled Jerome leaving the hotel like an hour later) after proclaiming their night together was something they shouldn’t have done and wow. They need a cooling period. And that cooling period are the last few days. But then. THE AIRPORT. (also. YES. IM WRITING IT NOW AND I WANT TO CRY 1000000 TEARS)

Ok. But. They are both exhausted after Tokyo, physically and emotionally because damn these poor boys. They half avoid each other with silent glances during rehearsal and the concert. They bump into each other at the airport and even though they’ve seen each other, it feel like they haven’t. Both look so drained Jerome doesn’t fall asleep on the plane in this scenario. He stays awake and Julien tries to read his book whilst glancing at Jerome sometimes whilst Jerome has his earbuds in listening to an album (literally if it was out it wouldve been Joji’s In Tongues but XXXTentacion’s 17 is angst af too.) whilst looking out of the window. And if they sit next to their managers they just glance at each other sometimes, gaining eyecontact before breaking it because emotions spill. But if they sit next to each other their arms bump sometimes, their hands do too, and these subtle touches are accidental. or maybe not. And it allows them to look at each other with reasons. Jerome mumbles a sorry. Or Julien does. But their hands don’t migrate. They stay put. Their fingers crawl together until at the end of the plane ride and they are even more tired than before, their fingers are intertwined. They are too exhausted to think clearly when they get off the plane and end up driving home together only for Jerome to crash at Juliens (Jerome’s bedroom is tainted now. cries. Let’s taint Juliens.) and because they’re so tired it’s all so soft. They don’t have the energy to be angsty or frustrated against each other. Jerome suggests he can fall asleep on the couch, or Julien offers his bed to Jerome. Just- they sleep apart first. But they miss each other. They can’t fall asleep. And Julien ends up crawling next to him on the couch or the bed because he misses him and he can’t sleep. Jerome couldn’t sleep either even if exhaustion is pulling his eyelids shut, he wants to be hold by Julien. They lay there nose to nose and in the moment it’s all so innocent. so serene. Julien mumbles stuff in his sleepy state and Jerome listens. He’s so calm listening to the voice. His hands rest against Juliens chest and Juliens arms are around his waist. With a single kiss on the forehead followed by their noses brushing together, they fall asleep. WOW And Jerome wakes up first hours later when the sun melts through the blinds. He notices he’s not in his own bedroom, he notices two arms slung around his waist holding him tightly against the warm frame the arms belonged to, he feels the warmth of breathing against the nape of his neck and its Julien. Alarmed he goes to check under the blankets, it can’t happen twice right? Not drunk on alcohol but drunk on exhaustion. But he relaxes when he sees the sweatpants hugging his waist but tenses at the sight of Juliens hands locking just on his abdomen. He turns his head, barely able to see Julien but he catches a glimpse. And he looks heart-achingly beautiful, all disheveled hair and calm expression with still the faint tan that carried over from the summer months when life was good and Jerome lets out a quiet gasp before turning to face head on again. He swallows, squeezing his eyes shut and decided not to wake Julien, not to remove the arms around his waist and slide out of bed. He decides to stay put, pretend to be asleep until Julien would wake up. Because, that morning after the drunken night, he regretted waking up. The warmth had been so nice, even if the dull pulsing of a massive headache made itself known in his dreams. It was so nice. And even if it’ll hurt so much if Julien regrets having him sleep over, he is listening to his romantic side now. Bath in it. This serene ethereal moment undisturbed by real life problems. RIP i’m SO SORRY.

But.. what if they worked on it beforehand (because Jerome wrote part of the song and came to Julien originally for him to sing it and it ended in “Let’s sing it together.”) but had to record it afterwards- and its tension city in the recording studio because the topic of the song, and everything happening, and them unable to speak to one another normally. BUT ITS RAW AS FUCK. LIKE. LOOK. THE CONTENTS OF THE SONG. Jerome messes up way too many times when he looks at Julien, his voice breaking, but then, one take goes flawless. Because in that take he realizes he’s still clawing at the sun. He still lets it melt his wax wings. He still falls but wont give up because he fell in love with the sun. NO IM REALLY SORRY. looks at the live version of Icarus and sobs because JB looks like he’s in his own world and JEROME. BUT. Jerome is busy with his new album and he goes so far into it. (im so interested whats its about bc it has Revenge in the title and im eye emoji x100 dean pls give my son something i can work with) they don’t see each other at all (#rip birthday headcanon ur safe in our hearts) and then indonesia. just them. they have to talk. And okay Jerome is like being stabbed in the heart from all sides but deep down he just wants Julien to make it better, like he always does even if he doesn’t realizes it. Oh my god though. Cue Jerome anxiously watching the door like /i cant talk about this NO/ and daring him to say anything but when julien takes him up on his dare he just opens the door and pulls him inside ohmygod iM CRYING. I CANT. OUR BOYS. OUR BEAUTIFUL BOYS. BIG ASS EARS. BIGGER THAN THE SUN. I love this sm. Like. Ash influencing Jerome to snatch Julien up and Jerome influencing Ash to hang out with Julien more whilst Julien is just o3o hello and they are just oblivious that its them doing it and im crying.

AGAIN. ok but. cue the slow motion Ash and Rome turning to Julien before looking at each other and back at julien like “holy shit.” the day. It’s funny too that Jerome lit hates Daeun for NO REASON other than her sounding like Marie (is he the worst or nah?) and kind of being friends with Hansol after a rough start of him basically insulting Origin after his smtm thing. jfc. It’s all connected. and look. can you feel my love from across the oceans for julien rn. because im radiating. He’s my soft lil son in law and idk what to do with myself. When Julien is actually the sun because sunshine makes you happy. Julien Shin, Korea’s personal vitamine D supplement ;u; oh my god though. if he not yet knows its Ash and Julien sees the number and asks Jerome. Jerome just. “Ash texted me?” and checks but he still has Ash’s old number saved as Ashton and he never calls him anyway so he just doesn’t put two and two together when he sees the texts from Taki. “Getting my hopes up for a text from THE Taeyong and I get disappointed. Tsk Tsk Tsk.” He says as he messes up Juliens hair-

oh god this hurts me. this hurts me so much holy shit. And there have been times that julien gets like that when he’s drunk. those times where he plops himself in jerome’s lap and “don’t you want to kiss me?” mumbling while his hands clumsily card through jerome’s locks and jerome has to just rest his chin on his shoulder and hold him. julien challenges him too often, but there’s a playfulness to it that’s different from this time around. this time, he’s clear about his desire instead of teasing. he’s drunk but he’s wrapped up in jerome’s arms and in the moment and “i’m your special someone, aren’t i?” murmuring while leaning in closer until they’re barely millimeters apart. “won’t you remind me just how special i am?” he’d breathe out, breathy words against jerome’s mouth before julien moves in to continue the kiss. and jerome doesn’t stop him, but julien wouldn’t have wanted him to stop. julien wants jerome to be his, has wanted it for longer than he’d like to admit. he’d love to blame his lack of sleep and intoxication for his actions but he really can’t, because at the end of the day this is what he wanted, even if it wasn’t the way he wanted it to happen. and even at jerome’s wedding day just having jerome close to him like that had julien drinking himself into jisoo’s car to get him home. all these times that julien flirted with him while drunk, every time that julien hinted at wanting jerome. that one time that jerome finally didn’t push him away, with arms wrapping around him and guiding him toward the bedroom, there’s a part of julien that for a moment wonders if jerome will still want him after that night. all the senseless flirting and lingering touches and eye contact… would jerome still want julien when they wake up? a drunk julien is a genuine one, brutally honest and doing things that julien has wanted to do but never had the courage to do so.

as they stare at each other from across the room, there’s a lot that’s going on in both of their heads. julien’s gaze runs from the way jerome’s hair is disheveled and sticking out in different directions, down to the way his skin looks in the morning light, and at that moment julien is already worried about what jerome’s back is going to look like the second he sees it. julien doesn’t even realize just how marked up he is, but he can feel that his lips are sore, possibly bruised from the way they were kissing the night before. while julien can’t remember minute details from the night before, he can remember enough to know what happened. the way he asked jerome to be his, the way they danced in the living room, the way he dared jerome to kiss him, and how one thing happened after another. julien can even remember moments in the middle of it; the way he let his head fall back against the pillows to bare his neck at the other to mark up to his heart’s content, the way his fingers clawed at the other’s back with each thrust and mark on his skin, even the way jerome’s mouth was right up next to his ear, nibbling and breathing hotly in his ear between words. as much as julien regrets this happening in a way that he didn’t have any control over, he also regrets that he can’t remember every touch and kiss. but he waits, wondering how jerome is going to answer him. he’s not quite happy to hear jerome’s response. /like something we shouldn’t have done/. it’s one thing for julien to think about it, but for him to hear the other say it has him feeling some type of way. “…yeah. something we shouldn’t have done.” he’d reply in a soft murmur, fingers absentmindedly playing with the sheets in his lap.

it feels like there’s poison in julien’s system, making it’s way to his stomach and working into his system. those words that jerome spoke felt like daggers piercing through him but he can’t figure out why he’s so hurt. he thinks the same thing, right? that it was something they shouldn’t have done, but then again for jerome to say that implies that jerome regretted it. that in itself has julien’s breathing getting harder to do. his heart seizes, his breath catches, and his head drops down for him to stare at his fingers in his lap. he sits wordlessly, trying to fight the tears from welling up in his eyes as he realizes just how badly this turned out. with jerome out of the room, julien finally works on climbing out of bed, feet hitting the floor and room starting to spin but he just wants to get out of there. he can’t stand to see jerome looking at him like that, saying they did something they shouldn’t have done. it doesn’t help that his clothes are scattered all over the place, and he exits the room wearing his briefs and the first shirt on the floor, probably jerome’s. he haphazardly buttons it up as he exits the bedroom, the buttons not even aligning with the openings on the shirt, but it’s a shirt and it’s something he can walk out with. he makes it far enough to pass the bathroom where jerome emerges, and julien is mumbling quickly and “i-i have to go… just drop edith off on your way to the airport,” he’d crack out, voice hoarse still from the night before. “have fun on your honeymoon.” and he’s saying this while avoiding eye contact but he just needs to get out of there. (oh god. when julien actually confesses that, he truly means it. he can’t quite figure out when the moment was that he realized he loves jerome, but he can say that the moment he first wanted jerome was when they first met. while yes, he’s wanted jerome in a physical way from the get-go, a simple attraction to someone, it’s only been recently that julien’s wanted all of jerome. he’s drunk and doesn’t quite articulate it more than saying he wants him, but when he’s sober and he finally realizes that his words truly affect jerome, he starts to be more vocal about it. he’d go into detail about how much he loves and wants jerome, talk about what he’d give up just to have jerome to himself, how selfish he wants to be with jerome because he loves and wants him so much. but they’d be arguing in japan in jerome’s hotel room about the situation and jerome won’t tell him anything but tell julien he’s misunderstanding the situation and julien just “what do you want from me, jerome? what do you want?” and it stops jerome dead in his tracks, the sound of julien’s voice resonating in his head and BREATHES.)

nah, julien wouldn’t name drop. he’d probably cry to jisoo and he wouldn’t be specific but just “i fucked up so badly, i don’t know what to do;;;;” and he’d try to keep it as vague as possible. ofc he’d probably just lie in bed with the two cats and looking at edi and “i’m sorry i took your spot in your dad’s bed last night… i really shouldn’t have bc now i feel like shit.” but omg imagine julien ended up crying to ash instead and ash is just somehow getting both sides of the story OH GOD. but tbh julien just needs to try and talk himself through it and as great as the cats are, they don’t exactly provide advice, they just listen to him. and julien already knew that they weren’t going to talk much while jerome was gone bc he would be filming, but even after he returns there’s only a super brief conversation between them when jerome comes and picks up edi from julien’s place. and since then it’s just small talk between them bc they’re best friends but they’re also in this strange territory with their relationship. they’ll message each other once in a while to say hello but that’s about it; they don’t go into their deep conversations like they used to, don’t spend nearly an hour on the phone talking about everything and nothing at the same time. it’s as if they do’t know how to talk to each other anymore. and it’s the japan trip that nearly breaks them because of marie. the marie situation provides both a trainwreck but also a way to salvage the relationship. there’s so much arguing in tokyo, especially with julien losing it over the fact that jerome left with marie but also jerome refusing to explain anything to julien.

by the end of the trip, julien is so exhausted, both physically, mentally, and emotionally. they didn’t speak for the entire day, and even during the rehearsals julien just went and did his performance, then got off the stage. when jerome passed julien just backstage, julien looked at jerome with his facade in full force. usually, he saves his genuine expressions and smiles for jerome, leaves his polite public image behind for the other, but this time around it’s just a simple, polite smile. the smile looks perfect, but that’s exactly what julien doesn’t do with jerome. and it happens again when he gets off stage during the concert, only keeping the expression on his face in case anyone else is looking at them; he has to keep up appearances, despite his current mood and situation. but at the end of the concert, they’re already en route to the airport and julien probably hopped in with the other soloists or with element or something, too lost in his own world. there’s his facade up again, a black mask on his face and tired eyes behind his spectacles. and the entire plane ride is tense to say the least. they end up sitting next to each other, their managers suggesting they do because they’re best friends and also promotes the bc/gold star partnership that everyone wants so badly. but they sit there, jerome with his mask and headphones while julien is curled up in his seat trying to read. he can’t seem to focus though, his eyes are skimming over the pages but he’s not comprehending any of the words. at one point, he just closes the book and rests it in his lap before turning off the overhead light and staring out the window, not caring that it’s pitch black outside. the thing with the red eye flights is that most people are sleeping on the flight, but julien can’t seem to sleep, even though he’s so tired. when their fingers gravitate toward each other, julien lets out a sigh before dropping his head to gently rest on jerome’s shoulder. as their fingers intertwine, julien can’t help but give the other’s hand a squeeze. it’s a faint squeeze, but it speaks volumes. despite the fact that they aren’t talking, julien still cares for jerome more than ever. when the plane lands, julien lifts his head from jerome’s shoulder, giving his hand one more squeeze before unraveling his fingers and rubbing his eyes. they end up at julien’s place instead, simply because it’s closer to the airport, and jerome’s had his own toothbrush and clothes at julien’s place after spending a lot of nights there in the first place. jerome insists that julien sleeps in his bed (”it’s your bed. the best feeling after coming back from a work trip is sleeping in your bed.”) while jerome sleeps on the couch. but twenty minutes pass before julien emerges from the room, turning on one of the lamps in his living room and heading toward the couch. approaching where jerome is lying, julien lowers himself to the floor at the spot in front of the couch, folding his arms on the kitchen and resting his chin on his forearms to look at him. he’d reach a hand out, fingers gently running through jerome’s hair “there’s room for two people on the bed… please?” mumbling softly. he wants to continue, to say that he sleeps best with jerome next to him, but it’s one of those things that can remain unspoken for now. they end up under the covers in julien’s bed, arms wrapped around each other and julien’s sleepily mumbling about how much he misses jerome and his eyes are just watery from exhaustion. “i’m tired of fighting… i just want to be with you, why is that so hard?” and he’s nearly asleep to the point that he becomes way too honest just like when he’s drunk, but it’s the last thing he says really, before he ends up falling asleep. when julien finally wakes up the next morning, eyes fluttering open, it takes him a few moments to remember what happened the night before. despite it being late fall, it’s late enough in the morning that the sun is filtering through the window, rays falling upon jerome’s dark locks. with a soft sigh, julien would lean in, lips gently pressing to the nape of jerome’s neck in a soft kiss, before pressing one more kiss and closing his eyes once more. he just wants to relax and recover from the past week of events, and it feels like he’s just waking up from a nightmare.

i like this idea. like jerome brought it up to him before the whole mess that was life in pink. like maybe over the summer before they did the we got married thing. because i’d imagine them to still be happy and affectionate as ever but before they started to cross the line. because life in pink happened right after the wedding and they definitely had that cool down period between jerome’s honeymoon and the triple fantasy concert in japan. maybe they started working on it a little between the honeymoon and concert in japan because it’s still tension and the hookup after life in pink is still pretty fresh in their minds. and it takes so long to get the song recorded bc they both are trying to avoid the other especially since it hurts too much for both of them to continue acting like nothing happened that night and that their feelings aren’t obvious. jerome messes up and julien has a hard time focusing because of the lyrics behind it and he seriously wants to just confront the situation but neither of them are in the condition to do so just yet. and in one moment, julien begins to sing his part, fingers clutching to keep the headphones snug over his ears as he stares at jerome head on from in the recording area. like he’s staring at jerome so hard while he sings his lines, daring jerome to break the eye contact as he continues to sing. but when they finally finish recording the song, it’s super awkward and quiet between them and julien packs up his things before “…are you okay getting home?” he asks, voice unsure as if he was searching for a reason to speak to jerome. (ALSO PLS I ALREADY KNOW THIS NEW ALBUM IS GONNA BE LIT AF BUT ALSO @ ERIC NAM WHERE IS THE NEW ALBUM??) julien probably gets really fucked up on halloween and sleeps through half of his birthday bc he’s not really feeling it this year and wants to stay home. BUT. indonesia is going to be a m e s s. at that point, it’s been radio silence from jerome for a long time and julien is actually hitting his breaking point. he couldn’t stand jerome not talking to him when the phone call thing happened, and this is so much worse than that. julien misses jerome terribly, and while they ended up just going home together after triple fantasy just to sleep, their relationship is in a state of flux and there’s a lot of push and pull. there’s the cover that they do for the mbc song festival, which is already tension bc it’s after triple fantasy and they’re not exactly great yet bc of the marie thing. but indonesia happens literally those next few days and it’s after icarus releases and they haven’t even talked since then and julien’s just beyond frustrated. jerome finally yanks julien into the hotel room and when the door closes julien looks at him while breathing and he lets out a sigh before plopping down on the floor. “i just want to talk to you. please. i’m tired of this, jerome.”

MY BABY’S BIG EARS. when julien sees cute little edi he gets smitten with her because her ears are big too;;;;; okay tbh though? jerome would come over to julien’s and julien and ash are sprawled out watching ‘your name’ and jerome plops down on the couch with them and ofc jerome is curious and asks who chose the movie and julien just “ouo this is ash’s favorite movie.” and they’re continuing to watch but jerome is just like /ok interesting/ and later on when the movie is over jerome asks them how they know each other and “us? ash and i have known each other since we were kids, actually. we still try to hang out, even though ash here has the busiest schedule ever” and jerome is starting to piece it together. julien just “let’s hang out again sometime? i’ll start a group text ouo” and right as he sends the messages the pair just stop and look at the group chat and who’s in it and “……….” IDK I STARTED THINKING ABOUT THIS BUT IT’S HELLA CUTE ; W ;