#it’s way easier for me to dump things on tumblr than on twitter lol

[cloudcastor]

congratulations!!!!

[mikazukikannagisjourney]

Spiritual Log August 26 2019

DISCLAIMER: Please seek help from professionals when dealing with ANY kind of disorder, physical or mental. I just happened to choose not to and I am not blaming any entity or anyone for the results of that choice as well as my current situation. You can take my own personal experiences here as SPIRITUAL ADVICE and I am more than happy to assist, but if symptoms persist, please consult medical professionals. My info here is not liable in any way if any kind of physical or mental harm happens to the end user. Thank you for understanding.

*Before I start this entry, let us all collectively focus our high-vibrational intentions to the healing and recovery of the Amazon rainforest. Feel free to channel energy towards healing not just the Amazonas but also the mass consciousness expressing the disturbance in this world. Thank you.*

I was gonna log so much stuff but for some reason, I got into a depression *a very dangerous one* since the start of this month, and instead of spreading my low vibes I just chose not to blog about it and just transmute. It was a very disturbing time because no matter how much I cleared my energy fields, my subconscious, cords and attachments, anything I thought of clearing, the depression just persisted. I wasn't on meds and I don't have a shrink but so far, I have been managing it OK. Even more so once I have come to terms with the fact that my depression stems from the Spiritual Awakening process, and that I just have to face my demons and learn how to reintegrate my shadow aspects back into my self, along with a lot of other healing methods. But this time around, it felt so scary. The need to kill myself just grew stronger everyday. It was so dark that I was doubting if it was even mine. 100% gloom and doom there. But then last week Wednesday I just found out that the Amazon rainforest has been suffering from wildfires for 3 weeks already. AND I WASN'T EVEN INFORMED. Not here on tumblr nor twitter or even Youtube. Not on the telly. Nada. And that was very disappointing, I have never felt so much lack of care or disappointment since the day when the presidential candidate I voted (RIP MDS) lost and was almost at the last part of the race. And it was very disturbing that nobody gave a crap in the planet's lungs. No wonder so many people, apart from myself who got so depressed this month. They probably don't know why, and probably won't know why until they started opening their eyes to the truth. Especially geomantic empaths *cough, like me, cough* 😆 I mean, a large portion of the earth was in pain, in suffering, and go barely any attention, so she just directly contacted empaths everywhere. And that's where the stuff about empaths start to get tricky. Because despite numerous posts, the info are mostly too-general to be digested, and cannot give answers to those who have more needs than others.

I have been on this conscious awakening process for 3 years now, and I haven't gotten the hang of being an empath. Mainly because most of the stuff I read or watch have no specifics on how or why empaths are able to feel the energies and emotions of others, as well as being unable to distinguish if these emotions and thoughts are their own. For once and for all, I will give my 2 cents on this topic because I personally had some disturbing yet enlightening experiences on what empaths experience and why some of them are just so full of angst. Also because this might help at least someone out there and help them be at ease.

WHY EMPATHS INTERNALIZE AND EXPERIENCE THE EMOTIONS AND THOUGHTS OF OTHERS

To find out what needs to be healed in an unwell person - e.g. You suddenly felt heartbroken and sad, and flashes of your past breakups kept rushing into your head. You thought you were over them all already, and you were, because they were years ago. But then suddenly everything comes back to you. The pain, the trauma, the endless nights of rollercoastering between paranoia on why you were dumped and hope that your dumper will evetually come around. Turns out one of your friends/mates was unceremoniously dumped and has been suffering in silence for the past week.

To fine-tune the healing process for each person to be healed - e.g. using different strategies of healing two friends who were both fatigued, but one is emotionally-drained due to being friends with a toxic colleague and the other one has been overly anxious over the resuls of their DNA test because it will determine their fate (relax it's just a scenario, that can happen.lol)

HOW EMPATHS INTERNALIZE AND EXPERIENCE THE EMOTIONS AND THOUGHTS OF OTHERS

Basically, all of your inner demons will come back to haunt you, with gusto and fervor. All vibrations, low or high, will be at their extreme levels. Things you thought were already cleared will rush back with even greater intensity and pain. And you can't help wondering why or if these are even your own. (Hint: 90% probably not yours)

E.g. In the 1st 2 weeks of August, all of my memories of being sexually-harrassed while I was drunk and broken-hearted kept rushing back to me. Randomly. No warning whatsoever. My hate was filled to the brim. I easily got mad, and upset, and I could've cried at a drop of a hat. Everything made no sense to me, I just finished my full-moon clearing and everything felt even more horrible. I felt trapped, hopeless, in extreme despair, and very much suicidal. Fast forward to 2 nights ago when I hit up an old friend and had some catch-up, turns out this person had been dealing with workplace issues as well as harrassment by an older person for the same time period that I had been experiencing shit. So yeah, turns out it wasn't really mine, but to be able to relate to this friend, I had to relive my own experiences so I can enter the friend's energy field. Because I had a similar experience with my friend's. Similar experiences create resonance with empaths so they can detect emotions, feelings, or thoughts by others, especially their loved ones. I just decided to heal us both before I ended the call, to clear our energy fields. It turned out to be a very enlightening experience for us both. *Fun fact: Empaths can bunch together, get individually attached to narcs, or both. It sucks*

WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO CLEAR ENERGY FIELDS AFTER EVERY INTERACTION

See above. Because if not cleared, the inner demons will just keep popping up. Like having light on a mirror. No matter what happens, as long as there is light, things will always get reflected on mirrors. Also, a clearer energy field means less resonance with others having a bad day. Besides, it's easier to detect happy energies that way.

HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS ANNOYING SITUATION - STEP BY STEP

If a negative emotion is felt:

Step 1 - Ask this emotion if it is yours. If yes, go to step 5. If no, proceed to next step.

Step 2 - Send this emotion back to where it came from, or send it directly to Source. Tell it to leave you because it has no business with you, as it is not yours. Bring in your full intent of sending this emotion away. With love.

Step 3 - Ground and check to see if your emotions calmed down or disappeared. If yes, go to next step. If no, repeat 1st step.

Step 4 - Relax, drink some water, and pat yourself in the back. Then make a high-vibrational shield around you to keep other people's emotions out. *Some make mirrors, some make golden egg-shaped ones, some use invisibility cloaks, some use white light. For me, I encase myself in a lovely nata de coco sphere. Low vibes stay out, light goes in, plus it's delicious. Yes my energy shield is food, lol it works for me so why not.* The End.

Step 5 - Meditate on why this emotion is appearing to you now. Ask what needs to be healed so it can be released. You can also do emotion code in this step. Crying or emotional release is definitely recommended.

Step 6 - Once the reason/s was/were identified, go to Step 2.

Repeat entire process as needed.

If a positive emotion is felt:

JUST ENJOY THE WHOLE RIDE, DUH. 😆 At least take advantage of being an empath by enjoying and dwelling in other people's happiness too. It also amplifies the energies and helps raise the earth's vibrations.

Well, I hope this journal entry helps you, especially during these chaotic times. Thank you very much, and may you find the healing you seek. Love and hugs from Source above. ♡

Mikazuki

三日月

[vico-stardust]

Ta ta for now.

Ok. So after visiting my ex to get my stuff back. I've decided to go back to my better self and to improve on me. The breakup crushed me so hard, 'cause amongst all the bad things that were happening in my life that was the last thing I expected. I was hurt and so angry and I took that out on my ex, I would say such horrible things. And I'm a nice person -or I'd like to think so- and after saying those things, I felt even more horrible cause I just wanted to hurt her like she hurt me. But I didn't want that...I was so resentful of her because she was moving on and it was easier for her than it was for me. I felt betrayed, abandoned and worthless. My self esteem and confidence were are down in the dumps, and I thought the best way to do that was to throw myself into dating apps to find a new girlfriend, or at least a friend. As that was my first relationship I felt like I needed to get someone else to keep me happy. Lol me. I currently don't have a lot of friends excluding my family, I have my best friend and my ex (but she doesn't really count as it's a slow mending friendship). Also an ig friend that I speak to from time to time, but he's miles away, lol. My life rn is at a point where I have completely no source of income, unless I ask someone for money which is a bit embarrassing. The last 2 years have just left me with nothing to do, it felt like I had nothing to live for most of the times. I was self harming and feeling so suicidal. But the Lord has kept me going.

Anyway, I've decided to take a break from my Tumblr, Twitter and the dating apps again, cause being on them made me feel I'm even more isolated and lonely; 'cause even though I'd push myself out of the comfort zone to talk to people it didn't go anywhere which made me feel very uninteresting and undateable. But their loss, lol. I'm amazing and lovely, genuine and funny, loving and lovable, and I'm saying those with confidence because it's damn time I stop beating myself up and putting myself down. Which leads me to these actions I want to carry out.

Fighting harder to get the help I need for my mental health, and boy I hope it doesn't take too long as I'm drained.

Actually commit to start exercising.

Drink more water!

Read more, focus on my new novel.

Continue my crochet collection to sell.

Start meditating in the morning to improve my relationship with and my belief in God (important to me)

Be positive.

Encourage myself.

Just start doing everything that will make me better. Cause ain't nobody else gonna do that for me!

Also imma do more stuff with my niece and nephew so I'm the greatest gay aunt!

For anyone who reads all of this thanks! I hope that youre having a good day, or even better a fantastic day. And if not I hope that this post encourages you to be a better you and to starting caring for yourself as well. And I love you! Keep strong, you've come a long way.

Before I forget, I want to share that a month ago, I attempted to end my life...sometimes the thought still resides on my really bad days. But days like these I'm grateful to be alive so that I can improve myself. And I'm thankful that God didn't let that happen. And whatever your reason is that youre still alive hold on to that and keep fighting for you. Reach out to someone so that they can share your burdens. You might not believe in God, but there's a text that says "Cast your burdens unto Jesus for he cares for you." If not Jesus that someone who you know who cares for you, or those who you even think don't. I'm rambling but I just want to spread love today to those who need it, want it and to those who don't even want it. I love you. Spread the love.

[valeriemperez]

Why do you dislike Ralph so much? I personally don’t like the character because of his powers, he’s exactly what another superhero is only with a different name. Other than that he’s ok, I get where they’re going with it and I doubt that he’ll be a permanent fixture on the show. I can see him make guest appearances but not much else.

I dislike that he was clearly created for and by a sexual harassing misogynist. And then when they dropped that side of him, he still took over the show in both tone (juvenile body humor rather than character-driven heart) and plot. If he remains alive and only makes occasional appearances in the future, that’s one thing. But I won’t know that’s the case - he’s a guest star this season, after all - until several episodes have gone by.

You don’t think these writers are trying to make Iris into the strong black woman trope who doesn’t need an apology, do you? She has a lot going for her such as beauty, brains, a loving family, leader/co-leader with her husband, who just happens to be the lead character. But, no apology from Caitlin for s3 and so far, not one from Barry. That part may come later, but she’s always the forgiving rock to everyone else. Is her rock in the cut scenes?

I don’t think they’re trying to, but that may be the unintentional result given the make-up of their writers’ room. This is why they need more black women behind the scenes.

That being said, Iris has gotten to speak her piece more this season than in previous ones, and Barry did apologize to her at the start of the season over his leaving her. She expressed her pain there, and he responded accordingly. I wish he had explicitly apologized for 4.18 & 4.19, but I don’t know if his scheduling the therapy session was meant to be an implicit apology or if the writers just didn’t see those two scenes as a big deal.

Caitlin not apologizing is bullshit, though, and the writers are never gonna live that one down.

I have a feeling Ralph will be back next season if only because today Hartley was hinting at the the unexplored friendship between him and CS lol. For real tho we don’t know if off the bat Hartley signed a two year contract thus they are obligated to keep him in the show. Todd might not get to choose what he does. I will say since Todd took control he didn’t let Ralph dominate the whole show which I think will be the same in season 5.

I’m hoping that’s him reminiscing and wishing he could be around longer, lol. I’m going off Todd saying that his story is done, as well as the casting call saying it was one season with the possibility of becoming a regular later, but you are right that we don’t know which way it went.

I know people have latched on to that interview, but It’s not like he could come out and say R is coming back tho. That aside, don’t leaaaave uuuuus! You wouldn’t stay even for Dawn? :( Maybe if people stopped dumping all the negativity in your inbox? (but I get it. There r things I don’t like about this season, but the echo chamber of this is the wooooorst here makes everything worse)

You’re sweet, but my inbox isn’t the issue. Y’all are pretty understanding of the kinds of messages I respond to and the kinds I don’t, lol. I meant more the general unhappiness in fandom, which everyone has a right to feel, but which I need to step back from.

I’ve seen another blogger who got lots of asks do this, and I thought it might help: Only have your inbox open on certain days and tell people which days those are. That way you can partially control and you don’t have all of the negativity (when it’s there) the entire week.

It’s not about what comes to me, it’s about what I seek out. Following fellow fans on twitter and tumblr, looking through tags, etc. The latter is way easier to stop doing, as I’m already not checking the tags on Twitter and only checking the Tumblr ones if I need to reblog/post something for Candice. As for the former, I gotta set up my muted terms or whatever you call it, haha. 

If you’re struggling with returning for s5 then i know it’s bad. The season has been poor. so poor.

It’s funny, because I feel the need to defend parts of the season. It’s really only 4B that I want to throw out, with the exception of the excellent 4.15 & 4.16. And it wasn’t until 17-19 that things started feeling really hopeless. But yeah, the over-emphasis on Ralph and the total lack of progression with Devoe is really killing my show spirits.

I’m over CS/KF/DP and her unimaginative fans. They want everything that IWA has. The latest thing I saw - she should get her hair cut (like Iris 🙄). IMO, she’s served no real purpose past S1. Both Barry and Wally have speed healing. SB is never happening and the shows ambivalence towards KF is annoying af. S3 was all about getting rid of her cold powers. Supposedly that’s why she teamed up with Savitar and tried to help him kill Iris. Now she misses them. Miss me with all that. Girl, Bye! ½2/2 Watch S5 be her full blown KF evil, and the return of RF. S4 is almost over, yet they’ve never addressed Two-face apologizing to WA for her BS in S3. Only Joe (not even Cecile) in a half-ass way. Harry needs to go too. Every version of him!!

It seems like they’ve finally found a direction for Caitlin, so we’ll see if it works out. I have a feeling they like all their actors too much to willingly let them go.

[serenagaywaterford]

Have you seen Amanda Brugel's last instagram post? I'm beginning to worry Serena doesn't survive the season

HEY ANON! SERIOUS QUESTION: ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK LOL?! Now, cue me frantically pouring over the post!

I’m curious. What makes you think that it’s ominous? It could be my wishful thinking, but nothing screamed out at me from it? Am I blind, lol? I mean, of course, there’s Ever waxing all FOMO over it, but that’s expected cos she’s not in the show all that much as it is. And the photo, if I’m reading Amanda right, is from S1. Is that why?

Maybe it’s wishful thinking but I don’t think they’ll kill off Serena–yet. Mainly, she’s one of the central characters, and certainly the central (human) antagonist to June specifically. (We all know the real villain is Gilead and male power. Fred is a secondary antagonist imo, and more like a stand-in for Gilead itself to make it easier to see the true evil.) There is a great deal of focus on her thus far, to develop her and weave her into a story that, if we’re all being real, the Waterfords should have been gone from already and certainly by the end of S2 but we know there’s going to be even more about both of them. And there is quite QUITE a lot of potential to move Serena across the “villainy spectrum” towards neutral or even true anti-hero without it being a deus ex machina/jump the shark sort of thing. And that sort of story is pure gold for a writer. It can be milked for a long time and works easily with drama, and the feminist themes of the show. I don’t want to say “redemption arc” cos that would require A LOT of work and I think most viewers are still stuck on 210 (once again–that was a HORRIBLE MISSTEP FOR THE CREATIVE TEAM the way it was written. I’ll say that forever because so many, many people missed the underlying point about it), but movement is possible.

Also, Miller seems to really enjoy the character/actress, and Yvonne’s got a LOT of hype on social media/critics circles. I think even if you hate Serena, you recognise how stellar Yvonne’s doing. Like, that’s why Serena is so hated (other than people not understanding Serena)–Yvonne plays her so exceptionally well.

I have NO idea what the contract situation is like, but I’d suspect she has a 5-year deal, like most. Quite frankly, the only reason I can see for killing Serena off is that Yvonne wants out, to be with her new baby. It must be dreadful to have a newborn and be working 6 months on such a dark, cold show about the oppression of women and horrible things about children. But she is a professional so we’ll see.

Or, I suppose, if they want SHOCK VALUE. Cos, who really expects Serena to die? I know a lot of vocal idiots online cream themselves over her dying a painful death and wish her horrible death constantly, but those are just loud online idiots – and if I’ve learnt anything from decades of fandom, it’s that showrunners rarely give a shit about those fans or take them seriously. They’ll pander to a degree, but they deep down don’t care. (Obvs there are exceptions but most showrunners and writers have a goal and view and it doesn’t change based on the whims of rabid fans on Twitter and Tumblr. There was a time in my life that I believed they cared. They do not, lol.)

But hey, this is complete wishful thinking cos she’s my babe and I don’t want THT without her. So I live in denial that they’ll kill her off. She’s honestly the most complex and second most developed character in the entire series. It would seem short-sighted to dump a character like that.

Honestly? I think it’s far more likely that Rita will leave the show than Serena, if we’re looking at Amanda & Yvonne. Which is a shame too cos she’s the only Canadian in the main cast and a good character. It all depends I suppose on the direction they go with the Resistance/Mayday and the Waterfords. Rita and Serena could BOTH go by the end of the season.

I’m gonna rant now about the characters that SHOULD go…

In terms of characters that have run their course, I vote for the main males. Both Fred and Nick are totally redundant to me now–and this has nothing to do with my dislike of Nick, I swear. Just on a narrative level, he no longer serves much purpose if we’re supposed to be watching a show about women fighting back against a repressive patriarchal fascist regime. (I don’t need some cutsey romance subplot, thanks. And I don’t think June requires it either, not when she’s on a mission to get HANNAH back and make to Canada to reunite with her HUSBAND and bff, all whilst saving ALL the children and women of Gilead. She’s got quite enough going on. The story is supposed to be less depressing this season so the argument that the N/J thing brings “lightness” and “hope” to a bleak story is also outdated too.) He’s just redundant. Served his purpose, and it was an important purpose, don’t get me wrong! I understand his very integral role especially in S1 but it’s just run its course, imo. I think even Nick stans seem to recognise this on some level cos they’re always terrified he’s going to be killed off almost every episode lol.

I may not care for Luke either, but he actually will remain important to the story, I think and I can’t see any good reason to get rid of him. He needs to remain alive. I think it would kill June to find out he’s dead.

Fred is just… a cartoon now and needs to go. How many more Evil TM things can he do? Yawn. We don’t need the personification of Gilead anymore I don’t think. We get it. Both Nick and Fred have dodged certain death now and it’s just like, OKAY, with June I get it cos she’s the protag, but them? Give me a break. Lazy. The only reason I don’t think they’ll kill off Nick is pure fanservice. I can’t see any rational reason other than that. Those LOUD fangirls will have a fucking meltdown. (I’ll say that when I speak to non-fandom people offline about the show, the vast majority don’t really care about the N*ck/June storyline nearly as much. Most people I’ve spoken with care much more about the larger issues–and it was crazy cos I was talking to a friend that I hadn’t seen in like 4 months about THT, and I know isn’t a fan of THT–like she watches it but isn’t in fandom. Just casual. And I brought up Serena (of course I did) but I was very critical of her, and she (who knows ZERO about my true feelings for Serena lol) was defensive of the character. It blew my mind cos she’s really not the type to defend problematic characters or villains. (I honestly thought she’d be a Nick fan, N/J fan, and Serena hater. But she’s a JUNE fan first and foremost, doesn’t really care for N/J but thought it was cute at the time, and doesn’t hate Serena.) She even brought up points that we Serena fans say, completely unprompted by me. So, I think in terms of casual fans, they’re a little more perceptive than the vocal majority of N*ck/June fangirls that dominate fandom. God, it’s such a relief to talk to offline people sometimes. By and large, they seem far more reasonable when it comes to this show and where the focus should be. (I should probably mention that almost all of the people I’ve spoken to about THT have been over the age of 25 (many over 30), which probably has something to do with it tbh.)

Both Fred and Nick are props for the female characters, and I think June and Serena are developed enough at this point to stand on their own without the need for either of those dudes. I don’t need men to help tell a story about women, thanks.

But again, I’m just some online voice. The producers and showrunners don’t give a shit what I think. They don’t even know I exist. And that’s probably a good thing (considering my obsession with having June/Serena fuck, lol. I’m gonna wager they don’t wanna see that.).

I’m just gonna pretend I am not now freaking out about Serena being killed off in S3. As much as I think it may be a terrible idea, I honestly don’t put it past this show…