#it’s very possible that I’m incredibly dependent on him but that’s almost certainly just because living with my parents has made me lose

[albedobeheading]

guys I am. So horribly emotionally unwell

[random-autie-fangirl]

The idea of Frisk and Chara being opposites (and providing opposite choices)

You know, back when I wasn't really sure what to do with Frisk, trying to define them in opposition to Chara helped a lot.

If Chara is serious, then Frisk is silly

If Chara's a bit of an edgelord then Frisk is bubbly and cheerful. (Remember Frisk making a smiley face with the punchcards and Chara saying “happiness is fleeting” when you take them out.

If Chara is impatient and tries to be as efficient as possible, then Frisk is more willing to "waste time", having fun and hanging out with their new underground friends.

(It's easy to imagine some of what Frisk can do as almost deliberate antagonism, the Narrator is harsh and cold and snobby so Frisk starts having fun trying to rile them up. I mean why else would they start checking literally everything in sight when they know the Narrator’s so impatient lol)

If Chara is strict and bossy, Frisk is perhaps a little rebellious, a little contrarian, and employs the philosophy of "you can do whatever you want forever" even if it annoys spoilsports like Chara…especially if it annoys spoilsports like Chara.

If Chara tries to be formal and polite, calm and distant, perhaps has internalised the idea that "children should be seen and not heard" from the surface, then Frisk is more rowdy, teasing and loud, but undeniably warm and friendly.

If Chara is hypervigilant and perhaps a little cowardly (with the running away text), then Frisk is the stupidly fearless one.

If I’m right about Chara not really wanting to forgive him, then that means forgiving Asriel was always Frisk’s preferred choice.

If Chara is the academically gifted one and the teacher's pet(because of the wordiness), then Frisk struggles with school and is easily bored by it and thus spends schooltime goofing off and making trouble with Flowey (or coming up with ways to skip…with Flowey).

Chara’s a voracious reader but Frisk can’t read very well at all, and they certainly don’t enjoy it, they see anything longer than a paragraph or two and check out. Since I think that Chara is both pretty proud of both their role in the prophecy and their status as royalty (but keeping up their high self esteem is incredibly dependent on others validation lest they crash down to nothing), to me that means Frisk is much more naturally and stably self confident. …If Chara is easily embarrassed, and cares far too much about everyone seeing them as perfect then it's Frisk who is shameless, and doesn't care what others really think… which is why they can dance in public, and flirt with strangers, and dress like a human rainbow.

And we know that Chara apparently hated the power of determination and wanted to get rid of it "that power… that's the power you were trying to stop, isn't it?" and had a save file they never used, which probably means they could have reset after the buttercup plan and saved both themselves and Asriel and just…chose not to… But Frisk, on the other hand is the most determined child in the Underground and the only one not to eventually willingly give up against Asgore (since every human could reset)

It’s because of this that I can pretend those few moments of Frisk seemingly showing annoyance with our actions is actually Chara being annoyed with Frisk. Because Frisk chooses the soda that Chara describes as “sickly” and CHARA scrunches up their nose or Chara making Frisk drag their feet when Frisk WANTS to look at stuff in the creepy lab. It's probably Frisk telling Chara not to be such a scaredy cat in that moment.

So yeah…defined in opposition, it helps with characterization, and works as an alternative to player theory (even if that's canon now)

[theveryconfusedartistsart-blog]

You know, back when I wasn't really sure what to do with Frisk, trying to define them in opposition to Chara helped a lot.

If Chara is serious, then Frisk is silly

If Chara's a bit of an edgelord then Frisk is bubbly and cheerful. (Remember Frisk making a smiley face with the punchcards and Chara saying “happiness is fleeting” when you take them out.)

If Chara is impatient and tries to be as efficient as possible, then Frisk is more willing to "waste time", having fun and hanging out with their new underground friends.

(It's easy to imagine some of what Frisk can do as almost deliberate antagonism, the Narrator is harsh and cold and snobby so Frisk starts having fun trying to rile them up. I mean why else would they start checking literally everything in sight when they know the Narrator’s so impatient lol)

If Chara is strict and bossy, Frisk is perhaps a little rebellious, a little contrarian, and employs the philosophy of "you can do whatever you want forever" even if it annoys spoilsports like Chara...especially if it annoys spoilsports like Chara.

If Chara tries to be formal and polite, calm and distant, perhaps has internalised the idea that "children should be seen and not heard" from the surface, then Frisk is more rowdy, teasing and loud, but undeniably warm and friendly.

If Chara is hypervigilant and perhaps a little cowardly (with the running away text), then Frisk is the stupidly fearless one.

If I’m right about Chara not really wanting to forgive him, then that means forgiving Asriel was always Frisk’s preferred choice.

If Chara is the academically gifted one and the teacher's pet(because of the wordiness), then Frisk struggles with school and is easily bored by it and thus spends schooltime goofing off and making trouble with Flowey (or coming up with ways to skip…with Flowey).

Chara’s a voracious reader but Frisk can’t read very well at all, and they certainly don’t enjoy it, they see anything longer than a paragraph or two and check out.

Since I think that Chara is both pretty proud of both their role in the prophecy and their status as royalty (but keeping up their high self esteem is incredibly dependent on others validation lest they crash down to nothing), to me that means Frisk is much more naturally and stably self confident.

...If Chara is easily embarrassed, and cares far too much about everyone seeing them as perfect then it's Frisk who is shameless, and doesn't care what others really think... which is why they can dance in public, and flirt with strangers, and dress like a human rainbow.

And we know that Chara apparently hated the power of determination and wanted to get rid of it "that power... that's the power you were trying to stop, isn't it?" and had a save file they never used, which probably means they could have reset after the buttercup plan and saved both themselves and Asriel and just…chose not to… But Frisk, on the other hand is the most determined child in the Underground and the only one not to eventually willingly give up against Asgore (since every human could reset)

It’s because of this that I can pretend those few moments of Frisk seemingly showing annoyance with our actions is actually Chara being annoyed with Frisk. Because Frisk chooses the soda they describe as “sickly” and CHARA scrunches up their nose or Chara making Frisk drag their feet when Frisk WANTS to look at stuff in the creepy lab. It's probably Frisk telling Chara not to be such a scaredy cat in that moment. 

So yeah…defined in opposition, it helps with characterization, and works as an alternative to player theory (even if that's canon now)

(I am so sorry I sent you this lol, It's yet another text wall and it's not even Friskriel but…I like to hear your thoughts and I was talking about Kris and Red in opposition and it got me thinking)

Interesting, this is mostly how I imagined their personalities when I started writing my fanfics! I took a lot of what I got from the Pacifist route and applied it to Frisk, and took the things that Chara says around the end of the Genocide route, there a lot of clashing personality differences between them.

Although, I always thought it was Frisk digging their heels when they went through True Labs, it kinda added to my thought process of them being a softie like Papyrus and being put off by the creepy atmosphere and amalgamates, they hadn't really been in an area quite like that one before. But I can also see Chara being put off by it too at some points, and being set off by the old recordings... either way, no matter how creepy it is, I'm not sure either of them can deny their curiosities.

Unrelated, but there's also the funny thing you can do at the dump where you just keep looking at the garbage, and the Narration (Chara) gets kind of annoyed (if I remember right?) and it gave me the headcannon that Frisk (or at least my version) enjoys looking through piles of stuff/junk and thrift shopping, if they could go visit a dump on the surface, they would, it's their Weird Kid Thing.

I'm not sure if you're interested in this, but I've considered the player theory as a continuing concept in fanfiction (or specifically my fanfiction??)

Technically the player/me(the writer) becoming a watcher of the world (instead of controlling) who narrates the story as it happens... combined with the main character's POV. Like, for example, when the character drops into a panic attack- the narration will start to freak out with them.

(Alternatively, I've definitely also considered the narrator of the story also being Chara (instead of me) but without really flat out admitting it)

And I say 'watcher' specifically because I've never liked the idea of controlling the characters as if 'I'm possessing' them like a ghost, or as if they have no free will in the story, and it's why I'll never be completely comfortable with the Player theory, canon or not. (Pretty sure it's a side effect of becoming emotionally attached to the characters, oops.)

But other than that, I've tried my best to combine the game with the world I created for it my fanfics and it's become an AU that I've found myself preferring to think it about more.

I have also long ago considered, that when Asriel became Flowey, he went through many noticeable personality changes, and I realized that he likely adopted a lot of Chara's personality traits because he was trying to be strong like them. (There could also be an argument that this also happened naturally due to them sharing his body when Asriel died, Chara left a mark on him)

[paradisetemporarilymisplaced]

So I was being a basic bitch the other day and listening to my true crime podcasts when it occurred to me just how suspicious Nile’s “death” would look to everyone not in the Guard, leading me to a train of thought that, 2200 words later, absolutely got away from me but I can’t let go so I’m inflicting it on all of you!

To set the stage, we know the movie takes place over approximately a week. Here’s what happens to Nile from the military’s point of view:

She dies is very seriously injured

She heals without a scratch

Just before she’s supposed to be shipped out to Germany, she vanishes, leaving two men concussed (and presumably reporting being knocked out by a woman with short hair wearing civilian clothes)

She goes AWOL for several days

They get word from the CIA that she is to be reported killed in action (details unclear)

So, at the beginning of this very weird week, the USMC has to tell Nile’s family of her death critical injury. What her family was told depends on how long she was dead – a Google search tells me that family will be notified in person within 8 hours of a soldier’s death, but we don’t know how long her first death lasted. For an injury, however, they’d get a phone call to notify them and the unit would arrange for them to visit as soon as the soldier is transferred out of a combat zone. Like I remember when I was in high school, a guy from my church who was a Marine was really seriously injured in a helicopter crash in Iraq and from what I could tell, his parents were told immediately and were flown out to Germany to see him, so it stands to reason that Nile’s family would have been informed relatively quickly after her throat was slashed, one way or another.

And then, she goes AWOL. Her family would be notified while the USMC tried to figure out where she went, not least because the military would want to know if she’s contacted them. (And it’s possible that her family may have been on the way to Germany to see her since we know that’s where she was supposed to go!) So for several days:

Nile’s mom and brother have no idea where she is

They know she was seriously injured and most certainly should not have been moving around on her own

They can’t get a hold of her

The military can’t tell them anything

And the next thing they know for sure is that she was “killed in action.” After being injured and vanishing into thin air. And they presumably cannot produce her body or any concrete evidence of her death. In any case, something sketchy is going on, so they’re like. SMELLS LIKE A MILITARY COVERUP.

In a surprise to probably no one, there is a well-documented legacy of mysterious US military deaths, particularly of women of color (TW for sexual assault in these links). The cases of LaVena Johnson and Vanessa Guillenin particular have made national news because of their families’ persistence in seeking justice. Likewise, Nile is a Black woman, and her mom and brother are most certainly hypercognizant of (a) state violence against Black people and (b) these high-profile cases of suspicious military deaths. So her family are seriously side-eyeing the situation, knowing that (a) the military has a serious incentive (and a documented history) of covering up things that make them look bad and (b) nothing about Nile’s disappearance and supposed death are adding up.

And Andy’s right. Nile does come from warriors. And you know who else does? Her brother.

Don’t get me wrong. Nile’s mom would absolutely not back down. She’d know something was up and want to get to the bottom of it. But based on what I know about Gen X parents (mine), they’re not the most technologically savvy. Like they can use the internet, but they didn’t grow up with it the way we young millennials and Gen Z did. So Nile’s brother takes the lead. And what do zillennials do best?

Social media.

Nile’s brother starts going hard on any site he can, trying to get the word out to see if anyone knows what happened to his sister. He starts a Reddit thread. He starts a Facebook group. He reaches out to the media and true crime bloggers and podcasters à la Sarah Turney, getting loud and being a general nuisance in hopes of getting some answers. He gets his friends and Nile’s friends involved. Maybe eventually Dizzy, Jay, and others from Nile’s unit hear about it and reach out, telling him what they saw and how weird it all was. He’s drumming up interest, and soon “Nile Freeman” becomes a household name (at least among the true crime fans).

Copley is, of course, trying his best, but at this point there is just so much that it’s impossible for him to scrub everything. Sure, he can erase new footage of Nile and the Guard, but what can he do about Reddit threads and podcast episodes that are speculating something weird has happened? Maybe he could hack the sites and shut those things down, but honestly, that’s the last thing he’d want to do, because that only adds weight to the theory that Nile’s disappearance is a military coverup. So eventually he has to tell Andy what’s going on.

Andy, obviously, does not take the news well. However, she is also completely computer illiterate, because that’s Booker’s job and he’s the only one who ever bothered to learn what the internet is in any meaningful way. (She probably calls Booker for advice, and for the record, I think Booker would have no qualms about shutting down conspiracy threads, tinhats be damned, but Copley is too concerned about the consequences. He’s ex-CIA for crying out loud, he knows how it’ll look if they scrub every mention of Nile’s name from the internet.) Maybe she confers with Joe and Nicky but, let’s be honest, they’d be equally unhelpful. So at this point, she knows they have to bring in Nile.

But the thing about Nile is that she, too, knows how to use the internet (duh). Aside from her being a young millennial/digital native, we know from the cave scene where she’s giving Booker suggestions on how to track Copley that she clearly is even more computer savvy than the average person. And for that reason she almost definitely took over the day-to-day tech stuff after Booker’s exile. So I think it would be foolish to expect her to be unaware of what’s happening. She’s not contacting her family or posting on the message boards or anything, but she knows what’s up. So Copley and the team probably sit her down to “break the news,” but we know the girl does not have a poker face (see: literally shooting herself in the foot and not being able to play it cool whatsoever) and cracks immediately, telling them she’s seen everything about her case – she’s not interacting with any of it, she certainly didn’t instigate anything, but she knows. (And she is so goddamn proud of her brother.)

At this point, I’d like to pause and consider Nile’s role in the overall narrative of this movie. She’s set up as a foil to Andy, obviously, but she’s also a foil to Booker. Booker, who, like Andy, is a serious pessimist, but who, unlike Andy, still has very fresh memories and trauma associated with being the new kid, which have destroyed him. In his mind (and Andy’s), if Nile communicates with her family, she’ll become just like him in a century or two – bitter, alone, and stuck with her grief and memories of watching her family die and knowing they died resenting her. It’s a small sample size, but this is the only experience they have to go off of.

But it doesn’t have to be like that.

There’s been a lot of discussion of TOG being a fundamentally queer movie – a group of people brought together because of something inherent about themselves that is different, that must be hidden, that causes others to hate, fear, and reject them. Booker’s backstory is the archetypal traumatic “coming out” story – his family learns who he is, hate him for it, and attempt to cast him out of their lives. He’s stuck with his trauma, his pain, his loss, and it consumes him.

But what if Nile’s family would be the opposite? What if her “coming out” to them as immortal is met with acceptance, love, celebration? What if her family is just overjoyed to have her back, and they don’t care what the circumstances are? I'm reminded of this incredible post from @shitty-old-guard-deaths a while back, where Nile’s mother hits Booker with a frying pan because “my baby let me believe she was dead for FIVE YEARS based on your bad advice???” (which may or may not have inspired this whole tangent). Nile takes the advice of someone who did the same thing she wants to do because she doesn’t want to risk her family’s rejection. She wants the good memories with her family and is afraid that showing them her true self will bring her unbearable pain, forever replacing those memories. But, with high risk comes high reward.

Anyway. Nile and the team are trying to come up with a plan for how to handle this whole thing, but she’s not really participating because she’s too afraid to hope. Until finally, quickly, so she doesn’t lose her nerve, she suggests she reach out to them, knowing that, realistically, that’s the only solution before things snowball even further out of control. The team is shocked, but realize that she has a point. They decide that Copley should actually be the first point of contact, posing as a US government official to talk with them and test the waters.

So Copley goes to Nile’s family’s house to talk with her mom and brother. They’re probably distrustful and apprehensive, but nonetheless secretly ecstatic that their work has paid off. They talk and review all of the information that they’ve collected, including testimonials from the people on Nile’s base and recent sightings (along with photos) of Nile (with the same three people) over the last few years that people have sent them but they haven’t posted publicly. At this point, Copley’s like, yeah this is about to blow up, we gotta put our cards on the table. He convinces them to come with him to some safe house/black site/whatever he can get that is technologically impenetrable (I’m picturing them in like, an interrogation room at a police station kind of deal), takes their phones, locks the doors, and brings in Nile.

What follows is the most delightful reunion scene of all time, bringing Joe, Nicky, and even Andy to tears as they watch and listen from outside the room. With Copley’s help, Nile tells her mom and brother about her immortality and what’s been going on since she died (within reason, of course), and they are thrilled. They don’t understand why (because no one does) but they don’t question it and they see it as a gift from God – she’s been resurrected, she will live, and she has a purpose. Her mother and brother are so happy to see her again and are willing to agree with pretty much anything to stay in her life as long as they can.

So. They set up some complicated agreement (they bring in the other three for support/intimidation as needed) setting the terms of their relationship. They swear Nile’s family to secrecy, maybe bringing up the lab to show how high the stakes are, and they readily agree. They come up with some cover story for Nile’s brother to share on the message boards (maybe that the government has opened an investigation but because it’s an open case he has to shut it all down? Tells people to direct their tips somewhere else? Something to that effect). There’s still speculation, of course, but without Nile’s brother at the helm providing the energy, the hype dies down as news stories are wont to do without any movement. And Nile’s family goes to work for the team. The experience has taught them that Copley can’t possibly do everything himself, especially when it comes to social media, so Nile’s brother takes the lead on the day-to-day tracking/social media while Copley and her mom focus on finding jobs and scrubbing their traces afterward.

So there you have it: Nile gets to integrate her biological family into her found family and spend the rest of their lives with them as it should be, Copley gets some badly needed help managing the reality of social media, the team finally has a positive narrative surrounding outsiders Knowing About Them AND about interacting with people from their previous life, and the audience gets the happy ending to this very lovely and very queer story to counteract the pain associated with Booker’s family.

Plus, you know, I’m a sucker for both a good government conspiracy theory and for Nile getting every good thing she deserves.

[notnctu]

push & pull | kim doyoung

❀ slytherin!doyoung x hufflepuff!femreader ❀ genre - SLOW BURN, smut, fluff, a bit of humor (idk not rlly) ❀ details -  hogwarts!au, fwb to lovers?, y/n is a player lol, jealous doyoung, mutual pining, doyoung is a lil mean ❀ word count - 9.7k ❀ warnings - explicit language, possessiveness (a concept of marking), dom!doyoung, angry sex?, slight dirty talk, penetration, fingering, praise kink ❀ synopsis - in which a prideful slytherin and an oblivious hufflepuff play a clueless emotion game of tug of war.

❝I thought Hufflepuffs are to be loyal, so why do you sleep with other men?❞  

❝People say Slytherins are ambitious, so why didn’t you pursue me?❞ ❀ a/n - i changed the plot a little bit as i was writing lol but hopefully it still fits everything! i said this in the teaser, but i want to preface and say that the magic/marking is not canon to harry potter, and that the only thing im using are the sectional houses/subjects. besides that, everything is made up LMAO also pls b lenient with me, i read hogwarts!au but writing it is very out of my comfort zone and am very bad at creating anything magical 

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Kim Doyoung, the Slytherin boy of your dreams, mindlessly and imperfectly steals glances your way across the dining tables and under several hundred floating lit candles. He sits huddled with his few posh friends that wear the same green and silver tie situated so tightly underneath their necks. And you, just looking as dazzling as ever, with your yellow and black tie hanging loose and a few buttons undone from your dress shirt.

He hates how easily you catch his attention and his ability to spot your figure in a dense crowd. You barely even look his way in public now, often distracted by a broad Gryffindor that tries to make flirtatious advantages at you. And when he thinks it can’t get any worse, it does… as you’re flashing your bright beautiful smile back at him and the shift in your body language.

“You’re staring again.” Yuta flickers between his friend and the subject of his focus.

Doyoung clears his throat, smooths his tie and physically turns his body away from the horrendous scene. “It’s very hard not to stare when she’s flirting with other men in front of me.”

“Does she do it on purpose?” The silver haired boy raises a questionable eyebrow and Doyoung reacts before he can speak.

He perks up and narrows his eyes at Yuta. “Purpose? Like to make me jealous?” Doyoung scoffs, laughs almost at the ridiculous thought. “The answer is no. We’re not exclusive, we’re nothing.”

“If you two are nothing, then why are you acting like you two are something? Get a grip, it’s practically sickening watching you fume over a ditzy Hufflepuff.” As Yuta prepares to bite into his delicious soft bread roll, it flies out of his grip, down the long table and onto another person’s plate.

Both boys are quick to stand to their feet and face each other chest to chest. Neither one of them is intimidated by the other, but their other friends around them are rather shocked by the sudden discrepancy.

Doyoung forcibly brushes off an imaginary dust off his good friend’s shoulders and draws a perfectly strained fake smile, knowing that others may be watching and he is a Prefect after all. But most importantly, you could be watching. “Call her that again, and your dinner won’t be the only thing that’s thrown across the table.” His threat is loud enough solely for Yuta to hear.

Yuta, with glaring eyes, picks up his dinner tray and walks off with his chin held high and a brisk in his stride. Doyoung clears his throat in the midst of the brief silence and out of habit, fixes his tie back in place. He takes a seat back down and the chatter at the table resumes, but he’s beyond embarrassed and disappointed at his loss of temper that everything drowns out.

Almost everything. He feels a light tap on his shoulder and out of annoyance, he spins around hastily and sharply snarls, “what?” But his eyes land on your fearful wide eyes and the slight cower in your stance, knowing that you caught onto his bad mood. And he’s half in disbelief that you’re approaching him right in the center of the Great Hall, that you’re standing so beautiful a foot away from him.

Instant regret and guilt fills his chest, his sharp eyes soften at your pout and the concerned furrow in between your brows. Nonetheless, he doesn’t have any words to say… he can’t get himself to apologize for his behavior.

“Do you want to walk to Herbology with me?” The quiver in your voice made you seem so small, so desperate for him, that he can hear the reactions of his friends. They’re laughing, at him, at you, at the whole scene that’s unfolding. He feels mocked, being a laughing stock isn’t something he’s very fond of.

His lips form a tight line, and in a snarky tone, “you don’t know your own way, Puff? Mind you ask your own Prefect to guide you.” Fuck. He tried to find the nicest way possible to brush you off, but his friends laugh a bit louder and intensely. And you didn’t like that one bit.

Your lips part slightly in a frown, an eyebrow raised and a hand on your hip. You look as if you’re ready to attack him, to jinx him, to probably pinch at his skin. But he knows you, and you’d do none of the above. Instead, you say the one threat that causes his heart to sink into the pit of his stomach, “don’t talk to me in class.” You’re slipping away from him as you pick up your pace, exiting all the commotion in the Great Hall.

He tries to hide the disappointment that stems from his chest, and his heart beats with an inexplicable dull pain. All he can think about is the twist of your expression and he’s gathering his things rather quickly to follow after you, without even a bid goodbye to his clique.

Without any knowledge of what you two do behind closed doors and the complex history that you two share, one may view your relationship as practically nonexistent; you two are strangers, barely passing acquaintances. 

Doyoung does not approach you in the halls, in anywhere that necessarily has many witnesses. You smile at him, maybe even a wave depending on your mood, but no one questions it … as you wave at almost everyone who passes by you.

Classmates might see interaction during the one class you two share, if they pay attention close enough. However, you and Doyoung are much more to each other than passing acquaintances. Although he’s starting to see himself as another name on your list of individuals you sleep with, you are much more to him than you could ever know.

He’ll never forget the first time you two met. He was patrolling the halls for anyone lurking past curfew with his nose dug deep in his heavy book on magical creatures, when you walked right into him and caused the both of you to fall to the granite.

He was beyond ready to dock off points for whoever the rule breaker may be, but you took his breath away when you hovered above him and clasped your palm over his mouth before he can scold anyone. You looked a bit frazzled as your hair was all over the place and he noticed your minimal amount of clothing in the middle of a cold winter night.

He saw the signature Hufflepuff badge on your thin sweater and the sound of your voice completely threw him off his tracks.

“I’m so sorry.” You whisper at the stunned Prefect underneath you, whose body feels warm against your own. But your eyes remain frantically on the lookout for anyone else passing, despite the lack of light in the cobblestone hallway. You most definitely do not belong in this wing of the castle and knocking down a Prefect caused more of a problem in your escape route.

Quickly standing up, you lend your hand out for him to take. His long fingers accept your hold as he pulls himself up and dusts the dirt off his robe. His green emblem glows in the dim light and you’re internally screaming at the mess you just made for yourself. But you recognize his features: the sharpness in his eyes, the small curves of the corners of his lips, his neatly parted black hair.

“You’re in some deep---”

“---Kim Doyoung.” The boy freezes at the sound of his name and he blinks at you, curious as to where you know of him. Being a Prefect has its small perks of popularity, but he didn’t expect for it to go this far. “Y/N, we had brooms together.”

As he repeats your name and examines your pretty features, a light bulb goes off in his head. “The clumsy Hufflepuff that fell off her broom in the highest altitude?”

“If that’s how you remember me by.” You smile proudly, and he scoffs at how someone could possibly hold pride in something so silly. “It’s nice to see you around, you’re a Prefect! Wow! That’s incredible.”

“And you’re still as clumsy as you were a year ago. Falling all over the place.”

“Unfortunately, some things don’t change! But you certainly have.” Doyoung looks at you with hooded eyes and a cautious gaze, but you’re so outlandishly bold despite swaying with your hands behind your back. “Please, don’t take that the wrong way. I meant it as a compliment! I used to have a tiny crush on you, baseless, but you helped me catch my broomstick and I’ll never be able to forget that.”

Doyoung, unknowingly, lights up at your shameless confession and takes another good look at you. You're much more mature now, and if he stared into your alluring gaze any longer, he’d be completely mesmerized without the need of a love potion. “So you liked me over a meaningless chivalrous act?”

“I liked you because you were charming and yes, perhaps I am someone who finds attractiveness in men who are chivalrous. There’s nothing wrong with that.” You bat your sweet eyelashes at him so endearingly, and he’s a blushing mess all over the place.

Doyoung has had anonymous love letters passed on from his friends, but they were all Slytherins who yearned greedily to be associated with his status. So knowing that a Hufflepuff, with an innocent youthful approach to love, festered some form of infatuation with him does flatter him quite well. “I’ll let you go.”

You’re about to exhale an exasperated sigh of relief until Doyoung continues, “under one condition.”

“Okay, I’ll do anything.” Your gleaming eyes sparkle like stars paired with the night sky.

He rolls his eyes at you, “don’t be so quick to jump at conditions without hearing them first.” Doyoung groans and you passively brush off his comment.

“If it’s harmless, I’ll do it.”

And in the dead of the night, where only you two stand in the middle of an empty cobblestone hallway, Doyoung requests, “I want to see you again.”

Although that night marked the beginning of your friendship, public interactions were still scarce and this was mainly on the fault of Doyoung. The times you met were late nights past curfew where he was stationed at and he grew to enjoy your wondrous personality. This boy grew up in a Slytherin bubble his whole life, no one outside of his house ever dared approached him … at least, not with the warmest smile as yours.

You were everything he was not, but he liked it so much. You were a half that completed his whole, and there were growing pains he couldn’t confide in anyone else. Surprisingly, you knew his imperfections more than he did himself and yet, you still wanted to be around him to encourage him. Not to mention, you had a sudden growth in other parts of your body and formed into your features very beautifully.

He wasn’t the only one who noticed, as there were more male counterparts who smiled at you, talked about you, fawned over you. And he felt something heighten inside of him along with his existing romantic feelings, and that he began seeing you in a new light.

With you experiencing new things, like hand holding and being showered by love letters on Valentine’s Day, it was wrong of him to fester such envy over the ones who publicly adorned you. He was so blinded by his hot headed rage that he completely missed the fact that you never accepted anyone who confessed, maybe the hand holding, but everyone else was a complete rejection.

All this time, you had been waiting for him and when you two shared your first kiss together, you had an assumption that Doyoung was going to finally confess that he felt the same way. But he never did. You two did, however, further your relationship into something more intimate and taking each other’s virginities opened a whole pathway of possibilities --- none being one where you two end up officially together.

He was the first to sleep with someone else, that was his first of many mistakes that he was going to make in his relationship with you. It also became the drop of the needle for you to start seeing other people as well, to explore what Doyoung couldn’t offer, to rid yourself of the feelings you had for a boy that didn’t seem like he wanted anything more.

Chivalry was dead and Doyoung believed that the innocent youthful Hufflepuff love had disappeared from within you.

As his present day runs after you, you’re abruptly stopped by a Ravenclaw for a small chat. Damn you Hufflepuffs for being friendly and social. So, he rushes past the two of you and into the classroom to await for your arrival. The quick shade of green flashes by your side and you’re fuming incredibly at how Doyoung continues to play you like a harp.

When you slide into your assigned seat next to him, he goes off like a canon. Doyoung starts spewing backhanded excuses and endless shameless rambles about his behavior. “I told you. Don’t talk to me during class or I will jinx you. Won’t be able to talk with your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth.”

“You’re not going to jinx me.” With a subtle flick of his wrist, your chair is pulled closer to his. “And if you were to do so, you wouldn’t do something so cynical.” Yelping at the abrupt usage of his magic, you’re irritably pressing your ink into your journal with a newfound annoyance.

“You’re right. I’d turn you into a duck, so at least, you’re still cute to look at.” The mindless scribbles on the paper make no sense in your head, as you’re primarily zoned in on the disrupted energy you have about your Slytherin companion. These ill feelings make you almost sick, wanting to shut out any bad replay of the moments before and forgetting about the attention you seek so much from Doyoung.

“For you to successfully cast a jinx on me, you must make eye contact first.” His finger lifts your chin and you’re eye to eye with his lustful dark stare. Doyoung licks his lips, a shine shimmers from his saliva, and he’s tempted to bring you into his chambers for an intimacy he’s been craving. “My, oh my. You’re looking very charmed today.” A grin curves up and taunts you, and you’re blinking away down at the table.

“Doyoung, we’re in class. Please, focus.” Your desperate whisper turns into a whine once his cold hand slyly smooths over your bare knee.

“Are you free later tonight?” Doyoung peers over at your side profile and your skin feels soft at his fingertips. He’s imagining your intoxicating scent mixing with his sheets, your light playful kisses along his neck, and gripping onto every naked part of you. For a whole minute, he’s forgotten that he’s in class with other no name individuals and a boring professor. He has tunnel vision whenever he’s with you.

“I have an arrangement.” The grip on your knee tightens at your quiet answer. An arrangement.

“The Gryffindor who had leafy greens in between his teeth?” Doyoung treads lightly, because you’re both well aware he’s made harsher insults than that. He retrieves his hand and picks up his pen as if he’s never touched you.

He sees your head shake out of the corner of his eye, you’re rolling your lips together sheepishly. There’s something odd about your stance and he’s growing a bit more curious…. A bit more spiteful at how closed off you are being. There’s something you’re hiding from him. “Then, who?”

“Is there something you’d like to discuss with the class, Mr. Kim? If not, I’d like for everyone to head over to the greenhouse.” As the class slightly snickers and the classroom empties, you and Doyoung are stopped by your professor.

Professor Sprout, wearing her worn out Dragon hide gloves and a thin lined smile, shoves a potted plant into Doyoung’s hands, “behave, you two. Your conversations are never very secret when spoken aloud.” She gives both of you a warning before proceeding out along with the rest of the class.

Doyoung scoffs at the absurd encounter and rolls his eyes. “Ah, you’re getting me in trouble with you now.”

“I’m sorry, Doyoung. It’s better that you don’t know.” You say this every time, when will you realize that keeping your hookups a secret only causes him more agony? He catches your wrist as you both exit the corridors, he barely ever has you alone now. And to say the least, he fucking misses you.

“Spare me some of your time after class.” He’s disgusted by himself, knowing that his eyes are begging for you to say yes. Him, a highly admired Slytherin, has settled for scraps and if anyone knew, they’d never let him live.

Your hand gently clasps over his and when you look up with your starry eyes, something inside him feels at peace. “Did you miss me?” He gulps at your question and blinks at you like a deer in headlights. If said by anyone else, he would not hesitate to snap his fingers into a malicious spell. But you ask the million dollar question so sweetly, there’s no taunt… there’s no mockery in your tone. It’s full of genuine curiosity.

So, he answers you with part of his heart that you know too well. “Unfortunately.” His body falls slightly in defeat, and suddenly the potted plant is alive in his hands. It’s wailing a dangerous and annoying loud cry, completely ruining the moment.

Doyoung quizzically ponders the monstrous green plant and its magical capabilities puzzle him, possibly reminding him to pay more attention to the actual curriculum than on your unbuttoned shirt.

Moreover, your giggle surprisingly calms him in this stressful situation and you lightly pat his hand that’s still gripping your wrist. “I’m all yours after class.” 

Taking the wretched plant, you hurry off toward the greenhouse to find someone to diffuse the crying creature. Doyoung laughs in disbelief at your comical animated figure running around with a pot over your head and shouting for any student to help you. So you’re not paying attention in class either?

Doyoung takes you to your favorite place, despite the rule that you’re not allowed access to it. The Prefect Bathroom remains spotlessly clean and fresh paired with an immediate scent of rosewater and wild honeysuckle. The white polished marble gleams prettily under the twinkling diamond chandeliers and you’re twirling enthusiastically in the center of the large undressing area.

He observes and smiles widely to himself at the sight of your happiness and cute giggles. It’s always a risk to have you use their bathroom, but he is always abusing his privilege to seek your enjoyment that he truly doesn’t care about anything else. Your morality has beaten him enough and he’s heard plenty about his wrongdoings, yet here you are… sweetly dancing in the one place that’s absolutely wrong. Perhaps, you two have rubbed off a little too much on one another.

“I can never get sick of this place.” As you plead to Doyoung to cast a bubble bath, you’re already stripping out of your skirt. He shields his eyes to give you some privacy and recites the charm to run hot dazzling water in the ginormous pool. A nice soothing bath is exactly what you two need after a stressful day playing in the dirt.

“This is your favorite place.” says Doyoung with a matter of fact edge to this tone.

“It’s my favorite place because I only get to come here with you.” You jump on his back and he hoists you up by your thighs. His heart skips a happy tune. “I refuse for you to tell me the password, even if you do wish for me to enjoy the simple pleasures of a bubble bath.”

“You and your right and wrongs.” With eager hands, you’re loosening his tie from around his neck. “You stripped so fast that you’re going to get a cold.”

“It’s going to get steamy really soon. Plus, I know you like me best without any clothes on.” Your hot breath tickles the shell of his ear and a blush scatters across Doyoung’s cheek. Button after button, his open shirt exposes his toned build. He sets you on the edge of the elevated step before the bath.

Doyoung smirks at your nakedness and your hot lustful expression. Leaning in until he’s practically breathing against your lips, he stares straight into your eyes. “My Puff knows me best.” And dives into you with all his soul. Fruitful drags of his lips along yours, his long tongue enters your mouth. His large hand carefully caresses your cheek to pull you further into the kiss, noses pressing into skin and with a desire to never part.

His heart swells lovingly, kissing you feels like the best thing in the world. There are no tricks, no spells, no recited charms, but you are more than magical. The same surge of energy runs through his veins, but unlike his impressive ability as a notable wizard, he can’t control it. You make him lose control. As meticulous and cautious as he is, you’re the first thing he doesn’t think through.

Your needy hands push off his dress shirt and he hurriedly unbuckles his belt. When you break the kiss, he automatically pouts and pulls you back in for one more lingering peck. “Are you going to scrub my back for me?” You smile, dragging him closer to the overflowing bathtub.

Large puffs of white bubbles spill from the rims and disappear with your every step. It reminds you of sea foam that washes upon the shore, with a floral fragrant that fills your lungs. “That’s quite an intimate gesture, but yes.”

After removing all his garments, he joins you in the large pool of glossy bubbles and the clouds of steam that rises from the water suffocates him warmly. He sits with his back against the wall and eyes unwavering on your alluring expression. 

The bubbles do a great job at covering your breasts, but his sneaky hands snake under the water to grip them. Doyoung grabs a full tit and thumbs over your erect nipple, all while he holds the most sensual gaze with you. Slowly, you naturally end up in his hold and your wet back relaxes against his chest.

The beating of his heart is too loud and surely, you can feel the way it jumps out of his chest. Doyoung attaches his lips on your skin and as you’re melting at his harsh suckling. However, you perk up and snap out of your dazed arousal at the realization of his purposeful licks. “You’re trying to mark me?”

His hand continues to rub and twist your aching nipples. The sensation stimulating the growth of pleasure to sprout below and your mind to wander. 

“Possibly.”

A lovers’ mark is the ultimate testament of mutual love. Engraving the skin with your beloved’s Patronus, wherever the giver chooses to mark. Love emblems are meant to be something sacred to the couple, a way to make someone completely untouchable to everyone else. Not only does the symbol glow with an iridescent shine whenever love is felt, it also numbs any romantic feelings for all others besides the partner.

Besides the use of possessiveness, it’s a beautiful way to discover one true love since the engraving of their Patronus shows up on the skin under the conditions that both individuals must be madly in love with one another. And if it doesn’t end up forming, the receiver is left with a bright, sparkling star hue in its place before fading away completely. If it does appear, it fades when both fall out of love.

“Doyoung--” His name falls from your lips as a moan and he’s running down to explore the beauty between your legs. “--can’t do that unless you actually want to commit to me.”

“I am committed to you.” The more your neck cranes off to the side and exposed to him, the more he wishes to etch the symbol of his love for everyone to see. A hand is hooked under your thigh to keep your legs spread open and you’re gasping at the slight pressure from the water.

“Romantically committed to me.” You remind him, but your train of thought is cut fairly short as Doyoung begins rubbing circles on your needy clit.

“You’re afraid of it showing up?” He’s lathering your breasts with bubbles and dragging his long finger along your slit. His greediness overtakes him and with wandering hands, he’s gripping every part of you that they can reach. Doyoung’s guilty pleasure is always going to any form of physical affection from you specifically. When he finally gets ahold of you, it’s hard for him to let go.

Your warm skin is delicate and smooth beneath the very tips of his fingers and every exploration of your terrain makes him feel inexplicable explosions of fondness. Perhaps, you’ve captivated him and although he believed it would take something as extreme as the Amortentia to have him falling for someone, you did it as easily as being yourself. His better half.

So, he’s impressed by your genuineness and how he’s willing to give up parts of his reputation to unapologetically be himself around you. No one else matters, nothing else matters, but why must it be so difficult to tell you that?

“I’m afraid of it not showing up.” You’re more than convinced that Doyoung has confused his strong sense of lust with love and there would be no possible way his Patronus would appear. It’s better to save the embarrassment for the both of you.

Spinning in his arms, the water twirls to the curves of your body and he’s admiring parts that expose above the surface. He’s matched with your beauty before him, resemblance to the stained glass window that situates above the large bathroom.

However, the doubt in your statement finally reaches his ears and he’s grabbing your ass as you settle over his thighs again. His furrowed eyebrows bring together a rather upset expression --- lip pout and all.

“Why wouldn’t it show up?” Doyoung puzzles, bringing your arms to wrap around his neck. Leaning into him, your pruney fingers trace his smooth chin and he notices your quick flicker between his eyes and his lips.

While your gentle kiss reassures him of your subtle endearment, your next words do the opposite. “You tell me.” All you do is push him away with your vague doubtfulness, like you’re constantly testing him and using his poor guessing skills to your own advantage. He can pull you close after any altercation he wants, but you push him away in any emotionally romantic sense.

“You’re rather mischievous and mysterious today,” Doyoung squeezes your ass and smacks it lightly, causing ripples in the water. “I liked it better when you told me everything you felt.”

Suddenly, his fingers poke at your entrance and his other hand drops in between your legs again. Your mouth opens in shock when his long fingers enter slowly and he enjoys the pleasurable contour of your reactions. “Like this, for example.” The pad of his fingers working rapid flicks against your sensitive bud. “How does this feel?” His whisper dances across your shoulder, landing a kiss at the end of his question.

Your moans echo in the lavish bathroom, bouncing off the marble walls and encouraging Doyoung to keep a steady pace. There’s no worry about how loud you may be, Doyoung charms every room before every lustful encounter. This allows you to let go, let free, let him know how he makes you feel.

He curves his fingers into you, pumping and dragging into your tightness until you’re practically screaming. He only has one thought, as his eyes trail down your intoxicated needy figure, how beautiful you are as a moaning mess under his control. Your head is thrown back, eyes are squeezed shut and opening them to see nothing but tiny yellow starlight.

Dainty kisses line your exposed neck line and his ego swells with so much pride. Doyoung has mastered every flick of his wrist to have you under his trance, spewing nonsensical words and forgetting anyone else that exists. He gives your erect nipples harsh licks and with a faint drag of teeth, the sensation pushes you to your end.

Sporadic pleasurable convulsions cause your legs to close around Doyoung’s hands, but the strength of his knee keeps them apart. “Doyoung… I’m going to free fall.”

Leave it up to you to beautifully announce your climax. He snickers, applying more pressure on your clit and a rubbing motion against your walls. “I’ll catch you.”

Moon crescents embed into his skin as you’re holding onto him with your whole life. As your scream hits every octave, the massive collection of bubbles that cover the surface of the bath fly and splatter every corner of the pristine room. 

White and wet bubbles drip down from the walls, falling from the diamond chandeliers, and coating every steamy mirror. Doyoung’s eyes light up from the chaos, making sure you’re riding out your high for as long as he can provide.

Your body trembles with euphoria, falling forward into Doyoung’s chest and squeezing around his lazily pumping fingers. For a brief second, your mind is wiped and nothing in the world feels better than being in this perfect moment with the one person who’s Patronus you hoped would etch your skin.

If one possesses feelings that are practically unbearable to contain, one should confess… right? For all your life, you’ve lived by this statement. Friends do not hear the end of it and most surely, one should follow their own advice… right?

So why do you yearn for Doyoung in your gaze as he stands across the Great Hall as if he doesn’t know of your existence? As if he wasn’t kissing you in the Prefect bathroom a few days prior?

It’s not an understatement to say that you catch the attention of almost every person in the room, but the one head that refuses to turn your way… the one who’s looks you wish to steal… is the one person who looks right through you.

Feelings have become a nuisance ever since the first time you confessed to him and it was worse than landing on cobblestone after falling off your broom. The reason why you’ve buried them deeper than any chamber is that you’re positive that the prized Slytherin would rather be with another, preferably one from his own house.

While you try to remain optimistic and playful for the time being, you’re simply replaceable to him. He can barely care to acknowledge you in public when Gryffindors boast about you in their arms like winning a trophy. You’ve kept good relations with every Ravenclaw you’ve slept with. You’ve kindly rejected every romantic gesture another Hufflepuff has offered.

But if there is one thing you’ve learned about him is that he’s lived in his Slytherin circle for as long as he lives. And it will stay that way. You’re his sweet Hufflepuff that he’ll push away at no cost, then pull you back in secrecy.

Now if one feels as if they’re wasting their time, one should leave… right? Wrong. Kim Doyoung has skewed with your morality… and your feelings remain loyal to him since the day he confessed to see you again.

“Lemon-drop, I’ve been looking all over for you.” An arm slings around your shoulders and the notable red and gold tie is the first thing you see. Jung Jaehyun, Captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, flashes his deep dimples at you. “Walk with me.”

He extends his palm out for you to take and your friends painfully elbow your sides to wake you from your hesitation. Taking his hand, you get up from the dining table and follow him out the Great Hall.

Doyoung sees the scene unfold before him and rolls his eyes at how Jaehyun’s dimples are all it takes to have you wandering off with him. Despite every wicked intent to follow you two, he heads out in the direction of the dormitories to fume in his room.

“It’s such a nice and sunny day today.” Jaehyun runs a hand through his luscious brown locks. You both exit into the front courtyard as other students are scattered on the lawns mingling with one another. When you peer up at the sky, the sun is barely seen past the layers of clouds.

“Jaehyun, is there something you needed to speak with me about?” His laughter roars, full of hefty song and amusement.

“Listen, lemon-drop. I like you and I have a feeling you feel the same way. I want to mark you if you’d let me.” Jaehyun smirks and just as he brings your hand up for a kiss, you gently let go. “Am I coming off too strong? We don’t have to do it today, I just wanted to see if it would show.”

“Jaehyun, you’re going to find an extravagant person one day. A person who is going to know all your favorite castle balconies to swing from and how you like to be kissed on the nose.” His ears grow a bright red and for once, his gaze drops to the ground. “I am, unfortunately, not that person for you so I must kindly reject your confession.”

As you turn on your toes, Jaehyun lightly holds your wrist to stop you. “But, you know all those things about me. Is there anything I can do to prove that we belong together?”

“I know them because I care enough to remember things you tell me, not because I loved you enough to observe these things about you. I give you my word that there is nothing you can do to prove me otherwise.” The corners of his lips dip downward and you’re running to the one person that will erase this sad rejection from your memory.

When you’re scanning the Great Hall for any sign of him, he’s not there and it leads you to his only hiding place. Doyoung loves to shut himself out from the rest of the school whenever he gets the chance. However, a lost Hufflepuff wandering outside the entrance of the Slytherin dormitories is rather an odd sight to see and you haven’t had the chance to form many connections from this house.

The sparse amount of Slytherins you know aren’t going to be passing by, unless with some stroke of luck, someone will be kind enough to open the door for you. Every person passes by you with questionable stares until a silver haired boy blinks at you with wide eyes.

“Who is it that you’re trying to see?” He asks abrasively, but softens his tone when he realizes that you mean no harm.

You bid him a small grin, “your Prefect.”

“And what for?”

“There is an urgent matter that involves him and he’s practically unreachable when he’s hiding away in his private room.” The boy narrows his eyes at you, but beckons you to follow him down to the Slytherin dungeon.

Excitedly, you hurry behind him and whisper over his shoulder, “what’s your name?”

“Nakamoto Yuta. No need to tell me yours, I’ll doubt he’d want me to know.” He spits and then, mutters the enchanted password to reveal the large green common room. “Come this way.” He leads up the boys’ dorms and walks briskly. Although you never mentioned a name, Yuta seems to already know who you’re here to see and it makes you wonder how he must know.

“Open up.” Yuta stops and knocks at the wooden door, Kim Doyoung written in a fancy penmanship on the center. “You have a guest.” He looks your way before rolling his eyes at Doyoung’s irritated tone through the other side.

“Tell them to leave.”

“He wants you to leave.” Yuta repeats, mostly to satisfy Doyoung’s nag.

“That’s fine. Thank you for bring---” The door swings open abruptly and Yuta almost loses his balance. Doyoung frantically turns his head side to side to comprehend what he is seeing. His ears felt deceived, hearing your voice through the door, he had to make sure it wasn’t you.

But you stand before him and Yuta. Here you are approaching him whenever he least expects it. “What are you doing here?”

“I came by to see you. I’ve been here plenty of times.”

“What are you doing bringing her in?” scolds Doyoung and the other boy shrugs carelessly.

“What was I supposed to do? Let her bat puppy eyes at several other Slytherins and have her telling everyone who passes her that she came here to see our Prefect? It was also getting cold out.” Yuta mumbles, but finds great entertainment at seeing how frazzled Doyoung has gotten by your presence.

“It was a bit chilly.” You admit and Doyoung groans, pulling you into his room and shutting the door on Yuta. “Thank you, Yuta.” You whisper through the crack between the door frame.

“It’s too risky for you to be searching for me around other Slytherins.” Doyoung paces the room and you notice his tie is loose and shirt is unbuttoned around his neck. “Why are you here?”

“A Gryffindor blew me off. I thought I’d come and see you with all the free time I can get.” Taking a seat at the end of his neatly made bed, your legs swing adorably and Doyoung almost doesn’t hear you.

“Jaehyun? Does he think he’s too good for you or something? That cocky dimple Gryffindor, with the draw of my wand---” Doyoung whips out his intricately customized Dragon Heartstring, and you’re on your feet to calm his temper down.

“Will you put that thing away? I’m here for you.” Your giggle warms his tight chest and puts out the fueling flame for anyone who dares to hurt you in any way. “It’s not a big deal and it’s not the first time it has happened.”

Doyoung uncomfortably clears his throat and withdraws his wand. Buttoning up his shirt, he fixes his tie back in place. To say the least, your words erupted his festering jealousy and this may have been a small tipping point.

Before you had entered, he was so frustrated with himself and you. You can just walk away with another man without a second thought, in front of him too. He remembered the soft feeling of your body and how he’s not the only one who’s needy hands ran their course over you. That may be the one pain he can never get rid of.

“I never understood why you give other men the time of your day when they just brush you off undeservingly.” He stings and you’re slightly surprised at his sudden attack. When you respond in silence, he continues.“I thought Hufflepuffs are to be loyal, so why do you sleep with other men?”

Crossing your arms, your weight is barred on your left leg and there is a shift in your overall mood. With an eyebrow raised, you sass him back, “People say Slytherins are ambitious, so why didn’t you chase after me?”

Doyoung swallows hard and blinks at you speechless. A clammy hand runs through his black strands as he tries to find any possible explanation without confessing his feelings. If he had a plan to confess, it would never be in the middle of an inquisition with you.

“I guess you didn’t think before acting on your desires.” And how he hated how correct that statement is. He doesn’t ever think whenever he’s around you. All his actions are conducted with his emotions and the feelings that overtake him.

Doyoung scoffs, rolling his eyes at your rash comment. “Aren’t you supposed to have the strongest morality among all the houses?”

“Sleeping with multiple men isn’t morally wrong. There’s nothing wrong with it…” The slight hurt from his question is difficult to ignore, but you must remember one thing if you want to protect your heart on your sleeve. This is nothing serious to be bickering over. You two aren’t anything serious, so why feel the need to squabble over nonsense? “... it would only be wrong if someone liked me and wished to commit to me.”

Your eyes meet and Doyoung blinks at you with wide eyes. His Adam’s Apple bobs as he gulps again, completely whiplashed at how the conversation has turned. “And if that’s the case and you like me, would that make you jealous, Doyoung? That’s why you’re trying to poorly attack my character?” He’s never heard such a strong taunt in your tone and he’s baffled by it, slightly aroused, but shocked.

“I don’t like you.” His voice is small and he pouts his lips at you. Doyoung crosses his arms and perhaps, his sad expression reveals a little more than it should have. Your heart softens at his ridiculously cute response, had you expected something much more angry and vindictive.

“Then this conversation is over, right? I’ll be on my way now. I have herbology.”

“We have the same class.” He grumbles, grabbing his robe from his desk chair.

You open the door to make your exit, “but since you don’t want to be seen with a Hufflepuff, I’ll go ahead first.” When you stumble out into the hallway, a recognizable face brightens at your appearance.

“Haechan! Hello, I haven’t seen you in a while.” You’re cheering and Doyoung chews the inside of his cheek. His pride is left at the door and along with all the things that hold him back from you, he doesn’t want to push you away anymore.

“My favorite Hufflepuff, are you just leaving?” Haechan walks up to open his arms, wishing to embrace you in the longest hug. However, Doyoung quickly takes you by your hand and rushes past him.

“She came to walk with me to class. Bye Haechan.” And Haechan is left standing in the middle of the hallway, confused and watching your backs as you’re both briskly walking out the common room.

Doyoung looks back at you, “you think I’m going to let you walk out of my room and have another Slytherin walk you to class? Don’t be so foolish.”

But you are foolish. Your heart beats foolishly and loudly for Kim Doyoung. And may you be foolish enough to wonder if his heart does the same for you.

And it does. Foolishly. Loudly. Lovingly.

You both wonder if this vicious cycle will ever meet its end. Doyoung pushes you away by ignoring your existing relationship, but pulls you back into his embrace as if it never happened. You push him away by running off with other men, but come back to him as if he’s the one person you’re loyal to.

But on this particular night, after mass circulation of rumors reaches the ears of the lovesick Slytherin, Doyoung is pulling you away from your huddled group of friends in the middle of the long corridor hallways. Without any greeting, any spoken words, he’s dragging you to his room right in front of everyone to see. His hand around yours like it was two days prior, but with an expression so grave on his sullen face.

The silence between you two brings no comfort, but you don’t dare say the first words. Doyoung, finally, approached you first in public and it is possibly for a greater reason. Perhaps you’ve done something horribly wrong, and the moment you two step into his room that you’ll hear a mouthful.

However when he closes the door to his room, your hand immediately drops from his embrace and he turns to face you. There is a darkness in his eyes, one that light cannot touch, and his lips are tight in a line.

There is an eerie silence that fills the dark room and the murky windows paint the area an ominous green. Doyoung focuses on your confused, yet adorable expression. “Why did you lie to me?”

The door catches your slight stumble and you’re blinking cluelessly at him. “About what?”

“Jaehyun.” He breathes the name in spite and aggressively loosens his tie. “He didn’t blow you off. You rejected him and he’s telling everyone it's because you’re in love with someone else.”

You scorn at such a ridiculous rumor and for the fact that it’s even made its way around to Doyoung. Another realization hits you. All it took for him to approach you in public is a meaningless rumor.

So in response, you laugh and it mocks him further. “This is not a laughing matter, y/n.”

“I’m sorry, but why are you so upset at that? Fine. I did lie to you, but I never told Jaehyun I was in love with anyone else.”

“Are you in love with someone else?” Doyoung says with balled fists at his side. There is a mixture of anger and sadness running through his veins and he’s so sick of feeling this way.

Your hesitation speaks for you, “It’s better that you don’t know.”

“You say this every time and it does nothing to ease my conscience.” Doyoung throws his hands in the air and stares at you with sharp eyes. “Is that why you were afraid that my emblem wouldn’t show up? Because your heart belongs to another. Yeah, I heard Jaehyun wanted to mark you too.”

Men and their constant want to prove something to themselves with their marks. Everyone has a twisted reality of markings now. There have been many others who have tried to mark you, feeling as if lust would be enough to suffice its appearance. As one's Patronus is special to their own protection, a beloved’s Patronus mark holds the same value.

You’re quite at a loss for words, “I was afraid that it wouldn’t show up, not because of myself, but because of you.”

Doyoung points at himself in disbelief. Him? He loves you more than anyone he’s ever encountered, even if you didn’t know it. “I wouldn’t have almost tried it if I wasn’t sure of myself.”

“You don’t love me, Doyoung. I don’t even know if I can even say you romantically like me.” Those words hurt the both of you and it lingers in the room for longer than you’d like.

“Do you think I fuck you meaninglessly like all those other losers you sleep with?” Doyoung steps forward, pulling you into his chest and admiring everything he’s fallen in love with. A pain spreads across his heart as he thinks of you with another person, of someone else kissing you, of someone else making you happy.

“You really don’t feel it in the way I kiss you?” He asks once more and your own stare drops to his shoulder, a bit ashamed to maintain eye contact with such pained eyes.

“And if I did? How would you explain that? That you are actually in love with me?” Your questions pelt him like rocks. As he pushes you on his bed, you pull him down with his tie.

Doyoung drinks you up like fresh water, a crisp and refreshing love that encourages him to reach heights. His hand cups your face and his feather touches reminds you of his gentleness. Your lips taste like sweet honey, dripping and coating him with a sticky sugar.

He’s happier with you and he’s the happiest kissing you. Perhaps, it’s hard for him to express with words, but he’d always hope his actions speak louder. So, his lips press against yours with a whirl of passion and every good feeling that grows in his chest.

The collar of his shirt is wrinkled in your fist and you’re holding him as if you’re afraid of him letting go. Doyoung runs a hand down your torso and lifts the end of your skirt up. A warm hand pushes your legs apart and a finger presses your clit through your cotton panties.

Your mouth opens into a moan and he takes this opportunity to shove his long tongue inside, lapping with your own. As a wet spot forms on your panties, he pulls them to the side and gathers the slick to gently rub your erect clit. His name is lost and muffled in the kiss, but you tap at his chest.

When he breaks away and halts all movement, he looks down over you with a fire burning in his dark orbs. And a confession falls from his swollen lips, “may I mark you?”

“And if it doesn’t show up?” Though, you’re wishing to the most powerful wizards that it does or else your heart would shatter into a million pieces beyond repair.

He bites his lip and every possible outcome scatters his thoughts. It’s too hard to concentrate, so he doesn’t at all. He focuses on your pretty lips and the way you look at him like he’s the only person that matters. “Then, we’ll deal with the consequences later.”

With your quick nod, Doyoung attaches his lips to your neck and harshly sucks at your skin. For the most part, it’s a pleasurable feeling and sends a shiver down your spine. So, he licks and nibbles until he can barely breathe. Your faint scent of patchouli and ginger intoxicates him, wraps him up in a fuzzy coziness that is unmatched.

Your hands unbutton his shirt and a final gentle bite seals his mark. If the love is reciprocated, the emblem would take a moment to form. Doyoung is rather hopeful and excited, as he’s never seen his Patronus before. “You look beautiful.”

“And you look dazed as if someone charmed you.” You giggle and kiss his red lips.

“You’re quite the powerful one, my Puff.” He smiles against your jaw before proceeding to your mess down below. He gives your aching clit a few licks, which cause your body to twist and turn at the sensitive sensation.

“Please, I haven’t felt you in so long.” Whining and tugging at his hair, Doyoung leaves a lasting kiss and gets up to remove his pants.

“Did you miss me?” Doyoung raises a suggestive eyebrow and cocks his head to the side in mockery, a smirk growing on his face.

You reply with a silly response that only he knows and causes him to chuckle, “unfortunately.” And he’s finding every way not to confess his endearments for you.

His dick stands tall and proud against his abdomen, giving it a few jerks as he watches you strip out of your own clothes. You turn around and sit on your knees, with a slight tilt forward and the arch in your back to accentuate your ass.

Doyoung rolls on the protection as quickly as he can. His hands lightly smack your cheeks and slowly enters your dripping hole. His hands grip your hips as he slides deeper into you, both being moaning messes at the delicious feeling.

“Have you always been this big?” You look back at him and to which he devilishly smiles at you.

“You know just the way to fuel my ego,” when his length is fully buried inside of your tight walls, he wraps an arm around your waist and a hand on your tit. “After all the times you’ve been fucked, your pussy is still as tight as ever.”

Doyoung slams hard into you, showing no mercy and causing you to jolt up. He takes every frustration, every feeling of anger, every ounce of jealousy into his thrusts. “But you take me so well, darling. I’ve never seen someone as pretty as you.”

His compliments cause your heart to soar, despite the soreness you’re beginning to feel in your pussy. He’s relentless, bottoming out until his tip is practically in your guts. “Just like that, baby. You’re the only one who fucks me this good.”

He blushes under the low light and leans forward to kiss the top of your head. “My Puff, you’re so sweet to me.” The loud squelch of your tight pussy gripping his dick fills the hot room, “and so wet.”

You’re shamelessly dripping on his green velvet blanket and Doyoung picks up his speed. Your knees give out as you fall face forward into the mattress, hands in fists from the incredible pleasure of every hit. Your ass now in his full view and every tingle of magic lights up in his veins.

Your throat is raw from screaming and moaning, Doyoung holds your hips steady to thrust into a new angle. Automatically, your body twitches as his tip hits your special spot and he’s well aware that you’re close to releasing.

And with his fast thrusts, he asks you an intimate question that is fueled by envy and rage. “If I fuck you the best, then why do you sleep with other men?”

There are no thoughts in your mind to even give him a white lie, to mask the truth of your actions. He’s fucking you into an oblivion that it’s hard to even focus on anything besides pleasure. The books on his shelf begin to tremble as you’re crying out, “I- I don’t know! Fuck, please… ! I’m tipping over.”

“Answer the question or I will stop.” He’s absolutely cynical and you have every reason to believe his threat. Doyoung lifts your limp body upright, against his torso and an arm secured around your middle as before. His hand snakes to your clit, rubbing feathering circles over the neglected bud.

Nonetheless, his single action paired with his tip grazing harshly against the particular spot causes your legs to tremble. “Do you want me to stop?” His threat rings in your ears when you still left him without an answer.

You’re so close, you’re starting to see white. So, you say what your heart tells you and the truth falls from your lips in a loud confession. “Because I wanted you to love me instead! I fucked them to forget about my love for you… fuck, I’m--”

“I’ve got you. Let go of yourself, baby.” Doyoung slows his hips when your walls squeeze around him sporadically. Every book flies out and hits the opposite wall, clattering the floor with heavy academia. However, he repeats your proclamation endlessly in his mind and his heart surges with the most intense romantic desires.

“I do love you, y/n.” He whispers, cumming into his rubber and simply holding you tightly. He lets go of every prideful arrogance in his body, tossing the lame reputation he always tried to hold onto. He didn’t need that if it meant losing you. Doyoung chuckles to himself for being an obvious cliché, announcing one’s love in the midst of a lustful act. He pulls out and gently tucks you into the covers.

Breathless, you’re finally realizing his confession. “You do? Are you sure?” Any subtle movements has your aching lower half in pain, so you settle with resting on his plush pillows and await for him to join you in bed.

All this time, from beginning to now, you’ve been oblivious to his yearning looks across the Great Hall. The intensity of his kisses had been lost upon you completely as you had convinced yourself that he was incompatibly of loving you back. Even now, as you lay in slight doubt, you’re wondering how you managed to have everything fly over your head. 

When he discards his used protection and with a quick flick of his wrist, every book finds its original place on the shelf again, he enters the warm covers. Your arms wrap around his neck and you’re admiring each other’s expressions in the low light. He spots the notable twinkle in your eyes and his thumb lightly rubs your cheek.

“If the symbol of my Patronus doesn’t show, I promise to love you harder until it does.” Doyoung leaves the softest, most loving kiss on your lips. He’s more than thankful for the lack of light as he’s bashfully red all over his cheeks.

“Usually, people just give up.” Your voice is harsh, possibly from the deafening screaming of pleasure prior.

Doyoung shakes his head. He’s made too many mistakes in this relationship with you. Sleeping with another. Ignoring your existence. Being too prideful to be seen with another house. All these incidents have made him feel nothing but ugliness and distraught, and pushed you away further than how much he is able to pull you back.

He loves you. He’s in love with you. He’s fallen for you recklessly as you did off your broom the first encounter. You’re everything he’s never been and never will be, yet you don’t care. You’re by his side, despite his spitefulness and you never miss a beat. That innocent youth approach to love, oh how he wishes it never faded, and though he thought it did, it didn’t. You remain true to your character when he fights with himself internally.

“That would be a mistake and I can’t afford to keep making them.” A glossy sheen over Doyoung’s regretful eyes, but you pull him closer and you refuse to let his eyes wander.

A tired harmless sigh escapes your lips and a dreamy haze overcomes you. Besides the reminder of needing to use the bathroom flashing in your mind, there is nothing else you want to dissect. Feelings are too complex to discuss at the moment and the resolve has already passed.

Regardless of the marks appearing, you’re content with the night and for the rest of your days. Kim Doyoung, the Slytherin boy of your dreams, loves you back and the power of that alone beats any spell in those dusty old textbooks.

“Why can’t we lay here forever?” Your heavy eyelids fall slowly and your voice grows small.

Doyoung kisses your shoulder, then your neck. “That’s impossible. I can’t give you forever.” He mumbles against your skin, sending vibrations across your throat.

“You are my forever.” Doyoung halts and is left speechless as a white glowing entity catches his eye. And the absolute perfect outline of his Patronus sits underneath your jaw, brightly shining with iridescent brilliance --- he makes out the outline: a White Swan, representing his love for you. Doyoung smiles to himself and hopes for it to never fade. Perhaps, he can give you forever.

some fun critical questions to think about hehe -

why do you think y/n lied to doyoung about jaehyun confessing? why do you think yuta helped y/n enter the Slytherin dormitories? what is the meaning behind the White Swan Patronus? Why do you think y/n continued to like doyoung after all this time?

there are no right or wrong answers, just something fun to have you thinking a little more about the fic haha if you want, you can send me an ask about it :) but overall, no pressure and thank you for reading! please leave me some feedback if you can! happy new year!

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[cinnamonest]

Zhongli (Genshin Impact) - Yandere Profile

This man's voice has a POWER over me I SWEAR

tws: yandere, mentions of n/sfw

tws (under the cut): very ddlg-esque vibes, sorta? infantilization, noncon

I'm sorry I get such strong daddy vibes it unintentionally went in this direction, hope that isn't too bad lmao

I’m working on all the prompts I’ve gotten in! I’ve gotten a few so I’ll be working on those.

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What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

He's one that might be likely to misunderstand his feelings at first, think that he sees himself as a mentor or maybe even an authority figure, someone to guide you and teach you and serve as a dependable partner to your travels. As time goes on, and he begins to recognize how utterly flustered he gets around you, he's forced to acknowledge the actual feelings he has.

While some yanderes with a slight aloofness or pride to them get worse when in love, such as Childe or Kaeya, his drops completely. You bring out a softer side of him, really, one that's protective and tender and loving, so very loving, wanting to be around you, with you. He's certainly an obsessive, protective type, ultimately allowing his protective nature to get the better of him as he demands to know everything you've done, account for your location at every moment, constantly keep track of your habits, inquire about very personal details of your life. If he realizes you're bothered by it, he might draw back a bit, but he's convinced that that's just your perception, that it's necessary, truly, and not at all unusual.

Pet names. Particularly fond of love, darling, and angel. Sweet things that represent what you mean to him -- something precious, something to represent his adoration and idolization.

The primary form of delusion comes from a perception of you. He's obsessive, and idolizes you to an extent. He perceives you as pure, innocent, angelic. The thing is, this applies regardless of whether or not you actually are. If you are, it will solidify the idea, but even if you're not, he will find a way to see you so, anyway. No matter how wise you are, no, you're naive. No matter how capable you are, no, you're weak and fragile. No matter how experienced you may be, no, you're pure. He can always keep this delusion running by bringing into account age and comparison - you'll never be as strong as him, so you might as well be frail and weak. You'll never have lived as long as him, so really, do you think there's that much difference between you and a child, when compared to someone like himself?

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

Actually highly likely, and pretty quickly. As he observes you, it becomes very clear to him how very fragile you are, how naive you are, you are quite literally too pure, too angelic, to be living in this world with such beings as humans. Fragile, beautiful little things have a place where they belong - protected. Where do we put fragile, beautiful things? We put them behind glass, behind ropes, in pretty cages, in secluded rooms. It's only natural that you, too, need a similar environment.

He's one of the ones that will... Elegantly kidnap you, as odd as it sounds. He's not a brute that would do something horrendous like knocking you out or drugging you, no, he'll find an excuse for you to come to his abode, invite you in, and you'll walk in none the wiser. Only after your in, and the doors close, does he guide you to your new room, calmly explaining that he's come to the realization that you're too fragile to continue your journey, and ought to simply give up on your travels. He knows you'll be upset at first. Like a child being denied, you'll get pouty, moody, you might cry, you might lash out at him. It's predictable. He'll dry your eyes and calm you down, brushing off any harsh words you may have, holding your wrists in his hands when you try to push him away, softly reassuring you that it will all be alright, that you're safe now, and you'll learn to accept this with time.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape? 

He would want something... elaborate. He's a man with taste for the most beautiful of things, including yourself, and he won't settle for something as simple as a chain or ropes. No, that would be too simple and brutish, and you, one of the finest things in his life, deserve something equally beautiful and delicate.

He's one of the ones that would go to a great deal of preparation for your arrival. He'd have a room prepared just for you, very ornate, beautifully tailored to you -- the walls your favorite color, the bed made of the same material as your old one, and the whole room completely filled with things you're certain you never even told him you liked. Clothes that fit perfectly to your body. It's frightening how perfect it is, because you know he had to go out of his way to acquire the information to achieve such perfection, but you have no idea how.

Everything about it elegant and detailed, right down to the series of ornate locks on the door. They're some of the sturdiest available, made with essentially unbreakable metal alloys and the most intricate lock systems to date. The windows don't open, and he'd certainly find some way to ensure escape through them isn't an option -- perhaps metal bars, perhaps an unbreakable glass substitute, perhaps merely locating your new home right on the edge of one of Liyue's most beautiful mountains, so that if you were to go out the window you'd plummet to the earth below. He's a bit delusional, but he's not stupid, and he will think through every possibility. Every little detail he needs to keep you safe and confined.

He's certain that, perfect as it is, this room is all you will ever need to be happy. Should you desire anything else, he can bring it to you. You'll never have to leave.

So it goes without saying that it would be exceptionally difficult to escape him. You'd have to find a way through the locks, for which your best bet would be to get some hair pins or tiny writing utensils. Even if you managed it, though, which would frankly be a very difficult feat, you'll have to deal with staying free. Zhongli has ties to the people of Liyue as a whole, and needless to say, he has eyes everywhere. You can't risk appearing in the harbor area, there will be far too many people who would immediately report you, and you'd just be walking right to him anyhow. The surrounding areas also have ties to him, so you'd want to try and reach Mondstadt, as far as it is, which is a difficult travel by foot all alone. You won't get far. He's faster, he's wiser, and he will find you long before you could ever hope to make it there.

However, he's not quite as angry as some yanderes would be about it. He doesn't take your escape personally, no, he blames himself, only calculating his own mistakes as to how it happened. He sees you as something like... a little runaway pet, so naive and dull that you don't know any better than to go wandering off. Or perhaps like a child, just sheepishly curious and wanting to explore, not knowing the dangers of the world. Or, perhaps...

"I haven't been giving you enough attention, have I? That's why you pulled this little act of rebellion... you're hurt by my negligence and wanted to be reassured of my care for you. I'm so sorry... I understand now, love. This was my fault. I've been so caught up with work... I'll delegate some tasks to my workers, and I'll be able to spend more time with you from now on, alright? Don't worry, I'm not angry, I'll take full responsibility. I'll be sure to make it up to you... now, let's go home."

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

Much like Childe or Venti or anyone who has been around as long as he has, you really don't stand a chance. He's an incredibly perceptive man. There's not much to say on the matter, as any attempts will be quickly shut down.

He'd find it amusing, really. Like a child trying to lie, but the evidence is all over their face and hands - it's that obvious to him. It's cute enough that he almost hates having to discipline you for it, but, you have to learn.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

He wants his little angel to be safe - and unfortunately, you, being so naive and empty headed, don't always know what's best for you. He knows rules can be hard to follow perfectly, but they're there to keep you safe.

Extremely strict, will want to monitor every moment of your life, every little movement you take, and will insist on watching over you in every task. He'll pick out everything you wear, everything you eat.

Occasionally, if you ask very sweetly, he may take you out for walks in Liyue. Honestly, he'd be lying if he said he didn't enjoy taking you to what he knows are the finest locations, shops with the highest level of craftsmanship, restaurants with a high price tag and reputable food. He enjoys showing off his refined tastes and discerning selective abilities. And honestly? There's a certain... Powerful feeling to knowing you're made aware of the costs when he makes high purchases in front of you... even if you don't realize he's not always actually the one paying for it, or that he forgot mora again but promises the owner to pay later - but he'll make sure you don't know that. You hear the numbers, and your eyebrows raise, your eyes widen. You'd nearly faint if that total was on your responsibility, and he knows that. Which is why he'll simply smile at you, and tell you you're worth every last Mora. He'll buy you nearly anything you may desire. It seems like leniency, but in reality, it's his subtle way of locking control and dependency over you, making you respect him, making you love him.

"Don't worry, love. It's not a lot... Not to me, at least. Even if it were, my angel only deserves the best, no?"

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

Oh dear. Again, he's very strict, and wants to monitor everything you do, every little aspect of your life. He decides what you eat, portioning your meals to make sure you're eating enough, he worries about you going hungry during your travels, but luckily you'll never have to worry about that again. If you have a sweet tooth, he'll sigh and worry about your teeth and health, but he'll make sure to account for a little bit of sugar in your day, and will even pick up little treats from some of the most reputable places in Liyue.

He picks out clothes for you with each day. They're not... Normal clothes, per se. Certainly not what you'd normally wear on your travels. And it's not like anyone will see you except him - which is exactly why you'll have clothes he would never want anyone else to see you in. Frilly, lacey things, somehow both highly sexualized but also incredibly infantile, soft pinks, baby blues, gentle off-whites. They accentuate the curves of your body so perfectly, while just barely letting him see the parts of you normally kept hidden.

You'll have a schedule - a bath time, a bedtime, a wake-up time. He's weak to your requests, though, and may let you stay up a little late every now and then, or sleep in just a bit, if you make that soft pouting face and beg. He'll insist on bathing you, dressing you, so that you don't have to - and can't even if you wanted to - lift a finger even to wash yourself or put your clothes on.

He has a set of rules for you, very simple ones he hopes you can easily follow. No trying to leave. No doing anything dangerous. No talking to strangers when you go out. You must hold his hand whenever you're walking together, don't go wandering off.

He'll feel ashamed of the thought for a while, but eventually he'll cave and give into the desire, no, the security precaution, of a nice little collar for you. It's not too embarrassing, no, he went out of his way to find one that was delicate, almost like a necklace, made with fine materials, the engraving only visible up close. If you look closely, though, it clearly bears his name.

Breaking the rules is expected, he anticipates it. You're not the brightest, he might even view it as a mistake. A benefit is that you can easily pass it off as simply forgotten, or an accident. Hence, he's not too harsh - normally. He'll sigh, forgive you, and pat your head, contemplating how to prevent your access in the future.

Perhaps you wriggled out of his hand and ran off while walking? You were just excited, distracted, like a child. He might be able to procure a small leash, one that wouldn't be immediately obvious or embarrassing, to attach to your collar. Perhaps some cuff-like links to latch your arm to his.

You forgot the rule about not handling the kitchen knives and cut yourself? He'll have to get some kind of lock and simply keep them safely away from you. No big deal. Any measures are worth your safety.

If you push the limits, or have a defiant attitude, he might reach the point of punishment. As for not-unwholesome things, this would usually include taking away privileges, such as walks or sweets, but overall, punishment will mostly come in more impure forms.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

Not too much to say here - he has connections. He doesn't need to dirty his own hands. For all his supposed humility, if he truly dislikes someone, they're no more significant than an insect to him. He has no reservations about ridding the world of people who, in his mind, are obviously trying to deceive you, abuse you, corrupt you.

Thankfully, he is very capable of keeping a neutral face, even when he feels laughter building up. It would probably look strange if he were smiling over the newest body to come into his parlor.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

It's a slow buildup. He views restraint as a virtue, and looks down upon those who lack control over their own tempers. He's a man who strives to meet his own standards of character, and that very much applies to self control and ability to maintain a controlled demeanor, even when he feels a bit of frustration due to you being intentionally and deliberately defiant.

It's his responsibility to be a good role model for you and make sure you understand how to behave. However, in the end, he's very keen on properness and rules. If you have a tendency towards brattiness and pushing your limits, you may drive him to a boiling point.

However, even when expressing his anger, he's remarkably controlled. It's very mature, really. Nonetheless, he will have you shivering and tearful with his voice alone, booming with that depth that reverberates off the walls, that vibrates against your very core. His true anger is one that can strike fear even in the most courageous individuals - he's terrifying when he wants to be, fierce and intimidating, a sort of power just eminates from him.

Nonetheless, it's quick, he calms down very quickly, wipes the tears from your eyes, and sighs.

"I do hate having to be firm with you... but I can't have you thinking you can just act however you want. You understand that, don't you?"

So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

Both? It's difficult to describe. You're an angel to him. You're the finest work of art, the most intricate creation, the kind of person whose body and likeness deserves to be preserved in art and tradition, one of those women who should be renowned for beauty even centuries long after you're gone from the earth. It's almost goddess-like. At the same time, there's a beautiful, tragic duality to your essence, he thinks. A fragility and a dependency that leaves you in need, but an inherent status of perfection that makes you deserve the utmost perfect of care. You need to be coddled, cared for, protected, but you deserve it. Like a deity incarnated into a mere fragile human form, a queen that needs support to retain her grace.

Unlike some, he doesn't view his care and protection as some kind of favor that should be repaid with your gratitude, no, really, he is grateful that he is the one who is even deserving of being your caretaker, your provider, your lover.

Even if he is the one who determined that he deserves that role.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

He's convinced that he can show you that he is your protector, your lover, that it's fate itself that has locked you together, not just his own will.

And he is, above all else, patient. One of the most patient you could encounter. You think a year is a long time? It's nothing to him. A century for you? More than a lifetime. For him? Nothing. He can and will wait, as long as it takes, and he will never falter in his continual care. He'll remind you frequently, he'll shower you in affection, but if you don't return it? It's not that bad. He has all the time in the world to fix you.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Moraless Sugar daddy

But in all seriousness, he is definitely of the gift-giving love language. He sees beautiful things, and beautiful things make him think of you! It's sweet, he thinks. So many little things he sees throughout his day make him think of you, and he has to have all of them, see your face when he gives them to you. He likes making you happy, for one, but he'd be lying if he said there wasn't a sort of satisfactory pride he gets from the power dynamic of it all. He wants to be the sole source of provision in your life, he wants your dependency.

If we're talking prior to the events of the game, it will be even more extreme. He treats it like it's truly nothing, throwing around massive purchases, seemingly as if he's not thinking about it at all. But he is - rest assured, he's taking it into consideration, at least, that is, how it will affect your attitude and perception of him.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

On the reserved side. He'd never conduct himself improperly in public, of course. It's out of the question. He cares about proper behavior and public image, and he'd never behave in a vulgar manner.

Even in private, he's certainly one of the ones that struggles with a certain guilt. To some degree, he would feel like you're so innocent and pure that he doesn't want to corrupt you. He goes through stages. First, he'll lie to himself, telling himself that the feelings he has for you are simply protective, platonic, a natural sense of responsibility for you. That becomes more and more difficult to convince himself of, the more excited he becomes around you, the more he finds his eyes drawn to whatever bits of skin are exposed on your body, finding himself drifting off to impure thoughts, trying to push them away. 

Second, once he's forced to acknowledge the true nature of these feelings, he'll simply practice restraint, something he's rather good at in this area. He tries, he really does. He tells himself he can't do something so impure, that it would violate you, that he should be ashamed of himself for it. It becomes more and more and more difficult to restrain himself with time, the feelings rising and the thoughts become more difficult to push away, eventually entertaining the fantasies in his head in an attempt to rid himself of the urge in real life. It doesn't work, no, it only makes the urges worse, and he can't be around you without his body nearly commanding him to do something. And finally, he'll take a different stance entirely, telling himself that, no, it's not going to corrupt you, rather, it's taking care of you. If he really wants to love you, really wants to care for all of your needs, then surely that would include your physical needs, and therefore, really, it would be wrong of him not to help you.

As that shift in viewpoints goes on, he'll become more and more bold, hands lingering just a little longer, face coming just a little closer. It's a slow build of tension, just waiting to boil over. 

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

He understands you're nervous. Again, no matter how experienced you are, somehow in his head he makes it out to be insignificant. Even if you've had other relationships, he convinces himself - and tries to convince you - that they were inadequate, they didn't care about you, not like he does. And he'll treat it as that -- any resistance you put up is nervousness, nothing more, nothing less. He'll reassure you a million times that you won't feel pain, that he'll be gentle, that you'll feel good, even if his size and strength frankly is rather intimidating regardless of experience. He'll keep cooing in your ear, softly whispering reassurance, softly running hands over your skin, holding you in place as the last inch stretches you apart. 

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

Infantilization

Again, no matter how smart, experienced, and capable you may be, you're none of those things to him. You're a fragile, little thing. He has to take care of you at all times. It may not be evident at first, and he himself likely doesn't fully realize it, but there is something highly sexual to this for him. Caring for you puts him in a position of dominance, control. It gives him access to your privacy, dressing you up, fingers running over your skin, bathing you, watching your skin glisten. He'll talk to you in this way, too, often softly, remarking every little way in which you need him, and even condescendingly so. He wants you to be his, not only in a sense of love, but of possession.

Oral

Primarily giving. Even on its own, he loves the taste, but the effect it has on you makes it that much better. He loves anything that forces you to depend on him entirely for pleasure, that puts you at his mercy. And he'll be torturous about it too, restraining your arms and legs so you can't control anything, hold your hips down so you can't roll into him, so that only he can determine exactly how much pressure and speed you get. And he won't rush it, no, he'll go so slowly it's torturous, and telling you very simply that if you want any more, you'll have to beg.

Edging

For a variety of reasons. The power trip is as exhilarating as it is pleasurable, but he also loves watching your body writhe. Each little muscle that moves under the flesh when your arms strain against his hand holding your wrists together, the convulsing of your stomach muscles, the way your toes curl and legs spasm and the sweet little whimpers you make when he draws back just short of your high. He's mastered watching your reactions, knowing exactly when to stop, even if you try to mask it. He'll want you to tell him, though, nonetheless, tell him when you're close, if for nothing else but the sense of you obeying his commands.

Collaring

Similarly to infantilization, it gives him something of a sense of control, of possession. He loves seeing his name engraved on it, marking the whole of your being with his ownership. In his somewhat rare moments of roughness, he'll want to pull on it, use it to draw you towards him, in a moment of your defiance, in particular. If you're being mouthy, whiny, disobedient, and you finally make him snap, especially if you try to walk away from him, he'll yank you back with force, pulling you close to him, and when the force of it shuts you up, changes your demeanor, forces you to acknowledge your submission - the satisfaction he'll get from that is incomparable.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

As much as he likes the idea, to him, you're already like a child, naive and fragile. Could your body even handle a pregnancy, a birth? He'd likely try to avoid it, but in the end, if it happened by accident anyway, rest assured you'd be getting the best care of any woman to ever be pregnant in Teyvat, and he'd do everything in his power to ensure you were always comfortable, taking his caretaking to another level, almost never even letting you get up, insisting you stay still and calm and needy.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

He'd be one to pull the "it doesn't hurt you as much as it does me" line, but really, even if he refuses to admit it to his own self, having you bent over his lap is just as much for his own enjoyment as it is a disciplinary measure. It's more humiliating than it is painful -- he'd hold back, afraid of hurting you with his strength, but taking in every little flinch and whimper you make as he brings his hand down on your ass, keeping your head pressed down, kneading at the flesh. He'd insist it's the most effective punishment measure, but you can feel the hard-on digging into your stomach. The worse the behavior, the worse the beating, but every time, after it's over, he'll hold you upright, wiping the tears from your eyes and asking you if you learned you lesson, if you intend to do it again, and smiling when you insist you won't.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

Your skin. It's beautiful, and he loves the way that light from the moon and sun look on your naked form. He loves the way your skin feels, soft and delicate, smooth, so paper thin and fragile, and so, so deliciously prone to showing marks from the slightest of harm - a simple smack can make the plump flesh darkened and reddened, the lightest suckling will leave beautiful hickeys all down your neck and chest. There are so many ways to mark his property, to stake a visible claim all over you, it's irresistible.

He also will go out of his way, when picking out all the things he wants you to wear, to find colors that best go with your skin tone, in a contrasting sense - particularly lacey, sheer things that contrast very well, so he can see your soft flesh perfectly defined against the little lace patterns.

[reidscanehand]

“hey… Is everything ok? I didn't mean to pry, but I saw your recent google searches when I was using the computer after you and..."

tw: body dysmorphia, mentions of past eating disorders and potential relapse

~~~

"Hey," a soft voice says from the door. You turn to see Derek Morgan standing in the doorway to your office.

"Hey," you reply, smiling, "what's up?"

"Can I, um..." He trails off, one hand reaching up to rub the back of his head, his eyes gazing to the ceiling for a moment. "Could I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure," you reply, eyes narrowing, curious about what this could possibly be about. "Is everything okay?"

Derek stares at you for a moment before shutting the door behind himself, crossing to your desk in the deafening silence that follows. He rests his knuckles on the edge of your desk and leans forward to you, "That really depends on what you tell me."

"What do you mean?" You run through the events of the past few days wondering what possibly could’ve made Derek this upset. Derek is one of your best friends. He’s confident and funny, far smoother than you, really. He’s the best man you know: strong and patient and incredibly noble. Truly, honestly, you have feelings for him. Feelings beyond the friendship you two share. And you’re now worried that you’ve done something to mess up that ever so precious friendship. 

“So...I’ve been noticing some things,” he begins very quietly. 

When he doesn’t continue you clear your throat, “Things?”

“It’s...it’s...fuck, I don’t know how to do this,” he whispers, clearly upset. 

“Derek, is it...have I done something-”

“No, no,” he corrects, walking around your desk to kneel next to you, taking your hands in his. “No...I’m just very worried about you.”

“Why?” You’re still staring at him, wide-eyed and confused. 

Derek looks up at you and smiles softly, almost like he can’t help it, “Did you know that you’re my favorite person in the world?” 

Your heart starts to race and you’re sure he can feel the reverberations of your pulse through your hands. You swallow, taking a second to gather the strength to say, “You’re certainly mine.” 

He smiles again, tears forming in his eyes. One of them rolls down his cheeks. 

“Derek,” you whisper, squeezing his hands tighter, “what’s wrong?”

“I’m just...I...is everything okay?” he asks this so quietly, tears pouring down his cheeks. 

“Why do you-”

“I didn’t mean to pry, but I saw your recent Google searches when I was using the computer after you and...” he drifts off as your hands tense in his. “Y/N?” 

He stares up at you as you tense, your body becoming aware of the panic in your brain. Because now Derek knows what you’ve tried so desperately to keep a secret for so long. 

“You know, then,” you rasp, tears of your own pooling in your eyes. 

“About...about your eating disorder?” he asks carefully. At your very slight nod he pulls your hands closer to his chest, pressing a kiss against them. He begins to rub soothing circles into them, “How long did you have it?”

“About four years,” you whisper, “on and off. I never went into treatment or rehab or anything.”

“And...and how long has it been...how long have you been relapsing?” he asks, ever so cautiously. 

You sniffle, finally meeting his eyes again, “A little over a month.” 

“Was there...was there any specific reason why? Like, like a trigger or something?” 

“I just...I felt huge one day. My body dysmorphia is still a bitch and one day I just...” you trail off, getting annoyed with your own self. “Why do you even want to know?”

“Because, Y/N,” Derek sighs deeply. He stands abruptly, pulling you up with him, clutching you to his chest like he’s scared you’ll float away. He breathes into your hair, pressing a small kiss atop your head, “I’m...I’m in love with you.” 

You pull back, eyes wide, incapable of speech. 

“Hey,” Derek whispers, still clinging to your arms, “I totally understand if you don’t feel the same way...but I couldn’t watch someone I care about...” A large tear rolls down his cheek and Derek sniffles, “deteriorate like this. I had my suspicions and I figured you’d tell me in your own time, but then I saw your search history and-”

“You love me?” you finally manage to ask. 

“Of course I do,” he replies, pulling you back into his chest. “You’re my favorite person in the world.” 

“Derek,” you whisper into him, “I love you, too.” 

He pulls away for a moment, only to look down into your eyes and smile. He presses another kiss to your forehead. 

“Now,” he says, quietly, your face now cupped in his hands, “what’s say you and I set up an appointment with your therapist to talk about your relapse?” 

You nod, your hands covering his over your cheeks, a giggle your incapable of stopping chasing the smile that grows over your face. 

Derek smiles down at you, “And then, once you get to feeling a bit better, we can set up a dinner to talk about you and me. Sound good, honey?”

You nod as he presses another kiss, a kiss of love, safety, and protection, into your forehead, “It might take a while.”

Derek just nods at you, still smiling, “I’d wait forever for you.”

~~~

Thank you for this request - I hope you liked it! I’ve never written for Derek like this, so I hope this is enjoyable! xx  

[candychronicles]

heavens // t. keigo/hawks

A/N: my take on the roommates theme for the bnharem collab! honestly didn’t know where i was going with this one and it seems a bit random/rushed so i apologize in advance but hope you enjoy nonetheless! 

CHARACTER PAIRING: Takami Keigo/Hawks x F!Reader

WORD COUNT: 3,491

WARNINGS: oral (f!receiving), some language 

SYNOPSIS: despite his growing popularity, you two remained steady roommates, which confused you to no end. what was his true motive in keeping you around? 

And they were roommates! Click here to read more!

Hawks was an interesting character to say the least. when you first moved in, you weren’t all too sure what to expect. he was, at the time, a fairly popular hero, but nowhere near the status he held today. he was charming, suave, friendly and it seemed genuine at the time. things went downhill quick though as his popularity rose and along with it, his annoying, god-like tendencies. 

what you didn’t understand was why he kept you around after all this time. you didn’t necessarily need to live with him still, but as he got more popular and therefore gained more money, the areas he lived in grew nicer and nicer until you were on a gorgeous top floor penthouse with a stunning view, all for the price of your original, dingy apartment. what you could afford on your own would be nowhere near the luxury that he was offering. that’s why you stayed, but you weren’t sure why he offered to let you continue to stay with him after all this time.

sure, you were friends, got along for the most part and when you didn’t, stayed out of each other’s hair, but he didn’t owe you anything and you certainly didn’t want to feel like you were in his debt. yet something attracted the two of you together continuously despite it all. 

what you didn’t know was that Hawks very much enjoyed having you around. you’d deny it until you were blue in the face but he heard one too many times you touching yourself in your bedroom, muffled moans matching those of the girl or guy he was fucking that night. he often did his best to give you a show, cursing, spitting, hitting, anything he could do to rile you up, get you to hear the lewd sounds coming from the apartment. you acted like you didn’t know what he was talking about, scoffed when he invited you to join him or give you his own private show and acted like you didn’t know he was doing that all on purpose just to tease you. 

truth be told, you pushed all those thoughts aside when it came to him. he was attractive, very much so, and also very unattainable, in your eyes anyways. his god-like complex was annoying at times but also very warranted. he was popular with everyone he met-children, women, men, the elderly, hell, you don’t think he ever met a dog that didn’t like him. he was strong, powerful, commanding of the quirk he weld so well. his personality was nothing short of smooth, like honey over ice cream melting on your tongue. you felt so incredibly drawn to him that your brain absolutely shut out any idea of it, giving yourself no hope that he would ever reciprocate the pure feelings of desire you felt towards him. after awhile, your convincing became reality and you began to question everything, desperate to detach yourself from his enigmatic ways. 

hey sweetheart, will be gone for most of the day. left some money for groceries and a little extra for whatever you want. don’t miss me too much

-H

you scoffed at the note pasted to your refrigerator, neon pink glaring at you in the morning sun trickling from the balcony window. he had been gone a lot lately, sometimes bringing home people at night, mostly crashing straight on the couch before he had even gotten a chance to change clothes. you acted like you didn’t miss him, miss his presence, the lingering touches that you swore were just him being an ass and making fun of you, but in reality, you missed the hell out of him. the domesticity that he showed when it was just you two vulnerable late at night, tired from a hard day of work, it made you realize that he wasn’t a god all the time after all.

that thought didn’t change your mind about his attainability, however. in fact, it only seemed to spur your ideals on more, convincing yourself that a man who could be so vulnerable and yet so strong was one who deserved more than what you could give. it would never be you and you were content with that fact, or so you thought.

your day was long and grueling, working patrols and small missions as a pro hero. you were likeable enough but when it came down to it, you didn’t care to be popular, didn’t care to make a ton of money or be interviewed by dozens of people a month. you just wanted to do your job and keep people safe and at the end of the day, that was what you accomplished. 

it was nearly midnight when you returned home, the elevator dinging closed behind you as you walked into the penthouse. the lights were still off, everything in place from this morning, which meant that Hawks had not arrived home yet despite him being gone for nearly the whole day. anger bubbled up underneath your skin. you knew he didn’t owe you anything, you knew you were nothing more than roommates, but sometimes feeling so isolated and alone in this big space with no one to talk to or do anything with left you antsy and annoyed. in simple frustration and retaliation, you locked the balcony window, forcing him to come up the elevator like a dignified man, bringing his nightly fuck in through the lobby instead of sneaking them inside like he often did.

it was nearly six am before you were woken up to a loud thud, the door smacking against the wall. you sighed, allowing yourself to calm down before you tried to go back to bed, but before you got a chance, a knock sounded at your door.

“what?” you asked irately, not in the mood to entertain him and his antics.

“why’d you lock the balcony window?” he asked simply, arms crossed. 

as you sat up to answer, you noticed his calm demeanor not so calm anymore. his chest was flaring up and down, body wobbly, and he reeked of alcohol.

“so much for a calm night,” you muttered. “i locked the door because i didn’t want to hear you fucking any of your whores while i was trying to sleep.”

“oh baby, you know you like it, like the sounds i make, the words i say. all you have to do is admit it and i can be all yours.”

“you wish bird brain,” you spat back at him, done with the conversation as you shimmied yourself back into bed, pulling the covers up to your chin and promptly shutting your eyes, ignoring the feeling of his stare burning into your brain.

“i do wish. i wish it were you i was fucking. i’ve wished that since the day i met you, all excited and doe eyed, ready to take on the world and all of its challenges. you never let my fame get in the way, never treat me any differently. you’ve been by my side throughout it all and yet you won’t let me get too close to you. why is that? afraid i’ll break your heart little one?”

you sat back up again quickly only to realize that he had moved to the foot of your bed. he sat down, taking off his boots and shucking them on the floor only to crawl practically into your lap, snuggling into your thigh.

“i won’t break your heart. i’ll only hurt you if you want me to, which i know you do, at least a little bit. but i’d n-never hurt your heart. you’re too precious for that princess, so sweet to me, so so angelic. and yet i can hear your moans through the walls, practically feel you arching off your bed as you chased your high, desperate for a release, wishing it were me who was touching you instead of your own fingers. i can do that you know. all you need to do is say the magic word and i’m yours. no more fucking other people, just me and you. i’ll spoil you rotten, anything you could possibly want and it’s all yours. you’d never have to worry about a thing again, yeah? what do you say?”

your heart hitched into your throat at his babbling confession. surely he wasn’t serious, right? it must’ve been the alcohol talking. you knew that if you said yes he was just going to tease you and tell you that he was joking and never wanted to see you ever again. you were just sure of it… but, in the off case that he was being serious… you couldn’t mess this up.

“yeah, okay,” you replied, voice hitching in your throat as you agreed with him.

you waited a few seconds for the harsh sting of a reply but nothing came. you cast your eyes down to see Hawks passed out, clinging to you as if his life depended on it. sighing, you flopped back down onto the bed, heels of your palms pressed into your eye sockets, brain full of thoughts as you tried to sift through your feelings. eventually you just gave up and passed out against the cool sheets of your bed, too tired to deal with the emotional turmoil you were putting yourself through.

when you woke up the next morning, Hawks was no longer against your thigh but rather plastered to your side. you weren’t sure how you ended up being spooned by the lanky man but it wasn’t necessarily the first time you had cuddled. your brain began working against you almost immediately, convincing yourself that the previous night's events were nothing more than a drunken spur from your roommate and that he did not, in fact, want to be with you.

with those thoughts in mind, you began to wiggle your way out of his grasp, nearly making it out of bed before you felt a hand shoot out and grab you by the wrist. 

“where are you going beautiful? sleep with a man and then ditch him before he even gets a chance to wake up? how heartless of you.”

“oh shut up, you know damn well that we did not sleep together. in fact, you came in here at six in the morning just to simply annoy the hell out of me. now that’s what i call heartless.”

“we didn’t sleep together but we could’ve,” he teased, fingers rubbing gently up and down your arm as he attempted to coax you back into bed, but your mind worked on overdrive, simply not believing that he was interested in you at all. 

“why do you always like to make fun of me, huh? does it give you some sick satisfaction to dangle hope like that in front of my face only to snatch it away from me if i ever say yes?” you spat, getting sick and tired of his games.

“princess, i’m not lying to you, nor am i making fun of you. i would never offer something like this if i wasn’t serious. i want to take care of you in any way i can-emotionally, sexually, financially, anything you need, i want to give it to you. i was trying to drop you hints, give you the space to come to your own conclusions but it seems that i miscalculated how that pretty little brain of yours works. instead of believing that i was seriously flirting with you, it seems as if you thought that i was making fun of you instead. how funny that the mind works like that sometimes. i must admit i was a fool for not seeing it sooner, but now it makes so much sense.”

“what are you rambling on about?” you asked, furrowing your brow in confusion as you tried to make sense of the fact that he was not only dead serious about wanting to be with you but also psychoanalyzing your thoughts at the same time.

“how you would always get mad when i brought people home but never said anything to me, how you always scoffed at my sweet words, would never take money from me despite me leaving it very clearly for you, never getting too close to me despite living together for years. i’m honestly dumbfounded that i didn’t realize sooner. you’ve been in love with me for a long time too, huh? except, unlike me, you truly never thought you had a chance.”

“u-uh, yeah, i-i just, Keigo, what are you really trying to say to me?”

“sweetheart, be mine, wholly and fully in every way possible. let me take care of you like i’ve always wanted, always tried to do. this isn’t some joke or elaborate ruse, i’m not lying to you or trying to hurt you in any way. i really, truly want to be with you.”

you exhaled heavily, not realizing you had been holding your breath the whole time, searching his eyes for any sign of a lie, not finding anything except sincerity and hope.

“okay,” you relented, nodding your head. “yeah, if you say you’re not lying to me, i’ll trust you. i just, i don’t know. i never realized that you actually liked me back. i never would’ve guessed it in a million years. never would’ve thought i would hear any words like that come out of your mouth let alone so sincerely.”

you looked down, twiddling your thumbs as you contemplated the situation once more, but before you could let your brain get the best of you, Hawks placed his slender fingers underneath your chin, lifting your face up so that you could peer at him. he leaned forward slowly, foreheads pressed together.

“is it okay if i kiss you?”

you nodded your head, squeaking out a quiet “yes” before surging forward to place your lips on his, desperate to feel him, desperate to quiet the negative voices in your head and surround yourself with him instead.

he matched your pace eagerly, wrapping his hand around the back of your neck to pull you forward even more, his own desperation leaking through the kiss. he was so enamored with you, the way you smelt, your mussy hair, the sparkle in your eyes, the feeling of your soft lips against his own. it was almost too much to handle. he hadn’t been with anyone in awhile, preferring to wait it out and confront you when he had the courage to do so, and he felt himself getting more and more antsy as time went on. he wanted to respect you, treat you with the dignity and honor that you deserved, but in that moment, all he wanted to do was ruin you and mark you as his own.

“baby, you need to tell me if i go to far, yeah? i just want to make you feel good, never uncomfortable. let me take care of you like you deserve,” he panted, adjusting himself closer to you.

“i trust you Keigo. i’m yours.”

he groaned at the sound of you, of how pathetic and weak you were towards him, how you trusted to be vulnerable around him, trusted that he would take care of you. he had never wanted to ruin anything so badly in his life and he was going to do his best to make sure you knew you were his.

the kisses turned more sensual, tongues dipping in and around each other, exploring one another for what felt like the first time ever. for you, it had been awhile, telling yourself that you were too busy to be sexual with someone else when in actuality you had been craving a certain blonde all along. for him, this was something entirely new and special. he never got the chance to be truly intimate with anyone, let his guard down, want to please his partner more than himself, but you were different, special in the fact that you loved him for him and no other reason than that. 

“please Keigo, i need more,” you whined, fisting at his shirt as you tried to pull him impossibly closer to your body. 

“anything for you princess.” 

his shirt came off first, a delicate process he mastered years ago. he reached for your own shirt, fingers playing at the hem as he once again asked permission. you replied by pulling it off yourself, exposing your breasts to him. he immediately latched onto your left nipple, hand coming up to pinch the right, gently coaxing you to lay back down on the bed as he followed, hands and mouth never leaving your body. he laved you with his tongue, leaving a trail of cool moisture in its wake, sucking and biting at every soft spot he could think of, wanting so hard to hear you moan. 

“that’s it baby, don’t be shy. i want to hear you moan, say my name.”

you responded with a groan as his hand came to rest on your clothed cunt, feeling the wetness through your shorts. he smirked at the realization that you did truly want him as bad as he wanted you and the thought had his cock straining in his pants. it wasn’t long before he had freed himself from his confines, watching the way your eyes drank up the sight of him through the filtered light. 

gently, you reached out your hand to paw at his cock, marveling in the way it twitched at the slightest touch. you were enamored by him, all of him. before you kneeled a greek god willing to worship you, a mere mortal. you didn’t know what you did to deserve this but you figured you’d spend the rest of your life thanking the heavens.

“don’t worry about me right now, yeah? let’s just focus on making you feel good,” he cooed, reaching down to gently tug at your shorts.

you lifted your hips up without question, allowing him to pull the fabric down your body, your underwear coming along with it. he greedily watched as your slick stringed against the fabric before snapping. he was amazed that he could make someone so wet just by kissing them and was more than curious to see how soaked he could get you by the end of the morning.

he slowly dropped himself down to the edge of the bed, positioning himself between your thighs. kisses were placed to the soft flesh on your legs, pinching and nipping along the way, relishing in the squeals and moans you let out of your mouth. experimentally, he licked up your slit, watching how your breath hitched and your hands grasped the sheets below you, desperate to hold onto something. he licked again, this time using one of his hands to hold you down and the other to come and open you up. you responded immediately, back attempting to arch off the bed at the already intense situation.

he started up a steady pace, watching each little movement, breath, moan, grasp of the blanket to analyze what you liked best. he was enraptured with you, everything about you. you were so strong, fighting crime like it was nothing, doing anything you could to keep citizens safe and yet here you were, putty in his hands, baring your heart for him, trusting that he would take care of you.

the pressure inside of you slowly built up. it was like an intense heat you had never felt before, white hot and pulsing inside your abdomen. you clutched the sheets, your thighs, his hair, anything you could to purchase yourself to this earth as he brought you closer and closer to the promised land. finally, with one final lick, you came, crying out his name in a symphony of praises, singing to the high heavens.

he watched as you came done around his tongue, how your breath labored, eyes screwed shut, face flush and face twisted in pure pleasure. it was a magnificent sight to see, you so relaxed and carefree, enjoying every feeling that flooded over you.

when you had finally come down and your breathing began to even out, you opened your eyes to find Keigo still nestled between your thighs, head resting gently on you.

“how are you feeling love?” he asked, pressing a kiss to your hip.

“like i just left this world and came back,” you answered truthfully, laughing at his proud expression.

“are you okay? is there anything i can get for you?”

“no, Keigo, i think i’m okay,” you answered truthfully.

for the first time in a long time, you felt at ease. your body was relaxed, your mind foggy from the pleasure and you had the man you loved staring up at you like you were the only thing in this world that mattered.

“good, i’m glad you’re okay because we’re not done here. lay back down baby bird, let me make you feel good.”

[early2000smovieimagines]

Meeting and Dating Ron Weasley

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

- Technically, you and Ron didn’t meet until fourth year but the redheaded boy had been in love with you since the moment he saw you, which was during first year at the magical school. 

- While he was certainly too shy to approach you, he did do quite a bit of staring and talking to Harry about you; though he tried to pretend as though he couldn’t care less every time he realized how in love he sounded. 

- So fourth year comes around and he’s still just as infatuated with you; and just as emotionally stunted about it, as ever. But then, it happens.  

“Hey Ginny.” 

- You waved at the redheaded girl as you passed with a few of your friends, causing her older brother to stare at her as though she’d suddenly sprouted another head. 

“How do you know y/n y/l/n?!” Ron immediately asked after you were far away enough not to hear. 

- He spent the rest of their walk questioning her as to how she knew you and how you met and if you were close and blah, blah, blah. Ginny only got him to lay off after she started teasing him for being in love with you, but even then he still sent a few hesitant questions her way, all the while insisting he wasn’t all that interested. 

- Ginny is very pleased with her newfound power. It was like the cat who got the canary the first time she brought you over and introduced you to her blushing brother. Ron could have killed her yet “kissed” her at the same time; not literally.

- Even though you now know each other and are on friendlier terms, he’s still nervous and awkward around you. He’s always messing up his words, stuttering, tripping over things, staring, etc. He’s awful with women if you weren’t aware.

- And yet, you still seem to like him, and over time he does start to relax, even though he still has his moments.

- Ron never actually asks you out, you just sort of have a silent agreement. You start to spend more alone time together, you don’t date anyone else, you share awkward yet almost tender moments, etc. Your relationship status is later solidified with a; long awaited, kiss and a kiss alone.

- Ron is very much so a spontaneous “I’m just gonna kiss her and deal with the consequences later” type of person. He’s bad at expressing his feelings with words so he’ll do it with his actions, and he’ll do it quickly before he has the chance to stop himself; usually after a surge of emotions.

- So, in typical Ron fashion, he heard some guy mention how he was thinking about asking you out, and realized that you never did establish that the two of you were an item. He immediately started to think about how much he’d hate to see you with another guy and how much he cared about you.

- Because of that, he was quite distracted when he finally saw you again. He fidgeted and seemed to be lost in his own thoughts as you walked together but just as you were thinking about saying something to him, he turned and laid one on you.

- Although you were a bit flustered and certainly very surprised, you kissed back and smiled at him as the two of you pulled away.

“I’ve been waiting to do that.” He admitted, his less confident personality returning as a blush creeped its way onto his cheeks.

- It’s in that moment that you’ve realized that you’ve fallen in love with a dork. A wonderful, beautiful dork.

- Though it tends to make him flustered, Ron is definitely a fan of pda. In the beginning of your relationship, he’s a bit defensive about it, like when his friends chuckle at you kissing his cheek or make faces at him while he’s got his arm wrapped around you, but he learns to ignore it and just brush them off. 

- Handholding. 

- Leaning your head on his shoulder. Perhaps it’s because it’s you initiating a type of affection or because it shows that you’re comfortable with him, but either way, he loves it. 

- Hugs. That’s all this boy wants. Just wrap your arms around him and let him hold you close goddamnit!

- You giving him kisses on the cheek; or anywhere else? Unparalleled. Never stop. 

- Abrupt, passionate kisses. 

- Snogging. He’s certainly a bit clumsy at first but you don’t mind; you probably are too. 

- He has a few select terms of endearment that he likes to use: darling, sweetheart, woman, my girlfriend. He doesn’t mind pet names but please stick to a simple “babe” or “honey” and not something like “won won” (shudders). 

- Ron sleeps on his back most of the time so you’ll just usually lay your head on his chest while he wraps his arms around you. That being said, he isn’t particular about the position, and since he has a habit of snoring, you may want to try spooning. 

- Do you know how long he’s waited to brush your hair behind your ear or wipe something off your face? That little action is so important to him and even he doesn’t really know why.

- Bridal carrying and piggyback rides. Ron’s a strong boy and he likes showing it off, and feeling you holding onto him.

- Getting your food stolen.

- Playing chess. 

- Dates at Hogsmeade. Sometimes the two of you just wander around and get yourselves a little privacy from every bodies prying eyes; and third wheeling.

- Going to the three broomsticks. If Ginny is there, he will immediately ask to leave and you oftentimes find it too amusing to be annoyed.

- Obviously, Ron doesn’t have a ton of pocket money so the two of you don’t do anything too expensive. A lot of your dates consist of roaming around the castle and the grounds together, finding somewhere to sit and just enjoying each other’s company.

- Sitting in the courtyard together.

- Cheering Harry on at Quidditch together and later cheering him, Ginny and Harry on with Hermione.

- Exaggerated stories. He’s always trying to impress you and make himself or what he’s done seem cooler than it really is.

- You’re constantly making jabs at each other and lovingly laughing at the other person. How can you not tease him for being in love with Viktor Krum, it’s the only way you can make yourself feel better about his obsession.

- You can practically see the hearts in his eyes when you laugh. He loves seeing and hearing it so much.

- Compliments and flattery. Is it so you’ll do his homework? Is it genuine? The world may never know.

- Making sure he actually does his work and does it well. He would be lost without you.

- You and Hermione talking about your mutual struggles with the boys. Ron and Harry watch from afar, agreeing that your little gathering makes them nervous and wondering what you’re saying.

- He likes when you try to teach him things, it gives him an excuse to be close to and watch you.

- He’s always encouraging you and reassuring you that you’ll do great and that you can do it. He’s so sure of you that you almost feel sure of yourself.

- Although he tries to not let you know just how much he is, he’s very impressed and proud of you at just about any given moment. He’s never met someone as amazing as you.

- Sometimes he surprises you with just how much he listens. Oftentimes at random, he’ll mention something that you once said and surprise you with just how much he’s taken to remembering; sometimes purely because it came out of your mouth.

- He’s always a bit speechless when you give him a gift. Once he’s over the shock, he’ll give you a “bloody hell, thank you” and a kiss on the cheek.

- Ron’s taken on Voldemort and countless other dangers and yet you’ll still have to be the one to kill the spiders in your relationship.

- Showing him muggle stuff. Oh Godric, the amount of time his father spent asking you about the muggle world when you first visited....

- Spending summers at the burrow and writing to each other; even though he teasingly pretends that he won’t.

- Ron is the youngest Weasley boy and Molly’s a momma bear so expect to be sweetly scrutinized and then made into a part of the family.

- The twins and Ginny teasing the two of you; though they do tease him more when they’re alone with him.

- You should probably apologize to Harry I’m advance because this boy never shuts up about you to him.

- Lightly touching and checking on each other’s injuries. He’s very gentle with you when you’re hurt, he treats you like you’re made of glass.

- Ron has always sort of felt like he was second best to Harry and most of his brothers so he loves when you pay special attention to him. Listening to his stories, praising him, having eyes only for him, it all makes him feel so much better about himself.

- Trying to help him smooth things over with people; especially when it comes to Harry and Hermione. It’s awkward to not be able to talk to them because your boyfriend keeps you right by his side so you try to fix things as soon as possible.

- As we all know, Ron is an incredibly jealous person and when he gets jealous, he can get a bit nasty. He’ll most likely interrupt you and make you choose between him or the guy, wanting you to prove that he’s more important to you than them by going with him. 

- Afterwards, he insults the person he’s jealous of, maybe accidentally somewhat insulting you in the process, and tries his best to make you think the other person is a git. 

- Ron is constantly jumping to defend your honor and is always ready to fight someone to do it. He may act like an ass to you at times but he really does love you and your safety is his top priority. Nothing is going to mess with his girlfriend. 

- The two of you have quite a few fights, all of them varying in intensity. Ron isn’t good at expressing his feelings so that’s usually what leads to fighting: him just not being able to communicate properly. Sometimes you have quick, hushed arguments, leaning in close to each others faces. Other times, you’ll be having loud and harsh ones filled with insinuations and insults you don’t mean. 

- You usually give each other space, whether it’s out of respect or because you both refuse to speak to the other one first depends on the situation. He asks Harry how long he thinks you’ll stay mad at him and oftentimes asks the boy to talk to you for him, mainly to see if you’re still mad. His apologies are stilted but he does give them and knowing how he is, you usually accept them. 

- There aren’t a ton of I love you’s in your relationship, given how awkward he is most of the time; particularly when you’re younger, but he will occasionally blurt it out without thinking. 

“Bloody hell,” he’ll say in awe. “Godric I love you.”

- While times certainly get tough in the future, he’s been in love with you since he was eleven and there’s no sign of it stopping any time soon. You’ll stick by each others sides and when the dust settles, you’ll start to build that life he’s been fantasizing about. 

[starshine583]

New Girl on the Block (21)

(Sorry for the late update, guys! Yesterday was CRAZY for me. Actually, this whole MONTH has been crazy! I haven’t been able to write in weeks :’( but thankfully, I’ve pre-written a few chapters so I can still post an update today. I hope you all are doing well and don’t forget to check out the mini series connected to this called Journal Entries!)

Ch. 1 / Ch. 20 / Ch. 22 (ao3)

Chapter 21: Elementary

Felix eyed the Dupain-Cheng bakery as he stepped out of his limo and onto the pavement. The open sign hung neatly on the front door, and behind it, the lights shined brightly inside. M Dupain-Cheng was manning the register from the looks of it, which meant Marinette either wasn’t home or wasn’t working. Both scenarios would suit him fine.

After a swift ‘thank you’ to his driver, Felix walked over and pushed open the bakery door. The entrance was noticeably different from the first time he visited- no mulling or fussing over manners and such -but the warmth that came with the charming patisserie was the same. Scents of cinnamon and vanilla wafted through the air, and the bright chattering of M. Sabine was as light as the customer bell that rang above his head when he came in. 

A usual Sunday for the Dupain-Cheng household, he mused.

M. Sabine caught his eye in an instant, her smile brightening as she shooed off her current customer. The customer didn’t appear to be happy about it, but she clearly didn’t mind, because she continued beckoning Felix over to the register with a wave of her hand.

Felix strolled over as requested and managed not to tense too much when M. Sabine pulled him into a hug.

“Felix, it’s so good to see you!” She trilled. “What can I get for you? A croissant? A cupcake? Or are you here to see Marinette?”

Felix offered a small smile. “The last one. Is she home?”

“She is! Just take those stairs up- oh, but you know how to get up there already. You’ll find her in her room, but I advise you to tread lightly. She’s been working on some projects non-stop for the last two days.”

Felix hummed. Has she now?

“Thank you very much. I’ll be sure to buy some sweets for my mother on the way out.”

“Oh, don’t be silly! Tom and I can get a bag ready for you while you’re up there. No charge necessary!”

Felix chuckled softly and shook his head. Marinette truly did inherit her generosity. 

“That’s quite alright. I have plenty of money.”

“As do we. Now go on up before Tom finds you and gives you another bear hug.”

The comment was enough to send Felix scurrying up the stairs (in a dignified fashion, of course). Tom was a wonderful man, but his bear hugs were.. not exactly something Felix would actively seek out.

He glided through the familiar hallways of the apartment complex until he found Marinette’s, then quietly walked inside towards the attic stairs, taking care not to bump or touch anything that would alarm her. If Marinette became aware of his presence, she might find time to panic.

Or hide things.

Felix climbed that attic stairs and lightly knocked on the trapdoor, waiting for an absent invitation to enter. Hopefully, her parents knocked when they came to her room too, or she was going to guess rather quickly that he wasn’t her father or mother.

“Come in!” A muffled voice called, to his relief. She didn’t suspect a thing.

He pushed open the trapdoor and climbed inside quickly, his eyes darting around the room before anything could be touched. Various things were scattered across her floorboards and furniture, namely things like unrolled fabrics or loose spindles of thread. She’d clearly been working on something, but what? How was he supposed to find anything in this explosion of colors?

Thanks, Claude.

Marinette gasped, bringing his gaze back to her.

“Felix!” She yelped, that predictable panic washing over her features. She shot up from her rolling chair and snapped her gaze from left to right as her hands flailed a bit behind her. It was almost like she couldn’t decide what to protect or where to escape. Did that mean the entire room was somehow a clue or only part of it?

Felix straightened, giving her a small, innocent smile. “Good afternoon. I hope I’m not.. interrupting anything.”

“Uh- No, no! I was just-” Marinette’s gaze flicked over her shoulder “-You know. Working on Claude’s.. Suit. What are you doing here?”

“You haven’t been responding to my texts,” He said idly, scanning the room again for good measure, “so I thought I’d come check on you.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched Marinette’s surprise melt into annoyance.

“You mean your texts about the surprise?” she asked flatly.

Felix held back a smirk. 

“Hm? You mean the surprise you mentioned offhand two days ago? Yes, I suppose some of them were about that.”

“You know this is cheating, right?”

“Cheating?” Felix nearly gasped. “I don’t recall setting any rules.”

“I thought it was a given!” Marinette huffed, though he caught the corners of her lips twitching upwards.

“Clearly not,” He replied with a smirk, “but by all means, if you have rules, I would be delighted to know them. I want to win knowing you had all of the advantages.”

Marinette scoffed, giving him a playful eye roll. “Well, first off, you can’t ambush me like this. If you come in while I’m working on the surprise, then of course you’re going to know what it is.”

“Are you working on the surprise?” Felix inquired, tilting his head to see what was on the desk behind her.

“No, but that’s not the point.” Marinette said, blocking his view from her desk anyway.

“Alright, then what should I depend on for my guess?” He asked in turn. “You’re words? You could be lying or giving misleading information, and if you did tell the truth, I highly doubt you’d give me any clues that you thought would help me.”

“True,” Marinette agreed, “but the bet was to have you guess the surprise.”

“An educated guess is a guess all the same.”

“An educated guess is an assumption based on prior knowledge and experiences.” She pointed out. “If you see my surprise, you won’t be guessing what it is from things you saw beforehand. You’ll just know what it is because you saw it directly.”

Felix hummed. That was a good loophole. 

“So are you saying that the surprise is easy to make out once you see it?”

“No, that’s not what I’m saying.”

“Oh, so it’s not easy to make out?”

“Felix!”

Felix laughed. “So you want me to make a deduction based on what I already know about you? Is that correct?”

Marinette eyed him for a moment, seeming to search for a trick in his words, then sat down in her rolling chair again. “Yes.”

Felix nodded thoughtfully and walked over to the chaise, gingerly moving scraps of cloth and a stray, bush pin holder aside so he could sit down as well.

“Alright, let’s see.. What do I know about Mlle Marinette Dupain-Cheng? I know you are creative.. Thoughtful.. Clever.. Minorly obsessed with giving gifts.. And work mostly in the clothes district, though that doesn’t mean you can’t make other things such as dolls or fake jewelry.”

Marinette snorted, an amused smile crossing her lips. “Go on.”

“You’re also empathetic and incredibly intuitive, picking up on the things around you without a second thought while also managing to run into a pole that’s directly in front of your face.”

“Hey!”

“My point is,” Felix continued slyly, “you’re clumsy in your walk, but not your work. If you made this bet with me, you’ve no doubt guessed where I would look and tried to counter that already. The gift is either hidden where you know I won’t look for sake of privacy or out in plain sight where you don’t believe I’ll see it as odd.”

“How do you know it’s even in this room?”

He smiled. “Your anxiety. Putting the box in any other place would have you fretting constantly over who’s touching it or whether it’s been moved. Your bedroom is the one place you can hide it while also watching over it unceasingly.”

Marinette raised her eyebrows ever so slightly, apparently impressed, and it only made his smile widen. He’d been spot on, hadn’t he? The surprise was in her room!

“That’s very cute and all, but you still haven’t guessed what the surprise is,” She retorted, crossing her arms, “or who it’s for.”

Felix tilted his head in a nod. “Alright, let’s go through the possibilities. You have Claude, Allegra, Allan, and myself. Anyone else wouldn’t make sense as a surprise.”

“And why’s that?”

“Because otherwise you wouldn’t feel the need to keep it a secret.” He pointed out. “You’re keeping this a surprise because you don’t want the person being surprised to find out prematurely, yes? So telling me would only jeopardize that if it were myself or someone I’m with regularly, which is Claude, Allan, Allegra, and you, and you can’t exactly surprise yourself-”

“I could. You never know.” Marinette joked.

Felix chuckled. “Sure, but it would be highly unlikely. Moving on, I don’t think it would be Claude, Allan, or Allegra either, because, as you know, I don’t enjoy blabbing my mouth to others. If you were surprising one of them, you most likely wouldn’t have hesitated to tell me what the surprise was. There is the possibility that you’re just being extra careful, but I highly doubt it.”

“Therefore, in conclusion, you’re left with me.” He finished.

Marinette hummed, setting her elbow on her desk and leaning her head on her palm. “So you think the surprise is for you?”

“It’s my leading theory.”

“I see. Might I ask why I would make a surprise for you?”

“That wasn’t part of the bet.”

Marinette snorted. “What if I don’t want to tell you because I don’t feel like it? I don’t have to tell you everything about my life, Felix.”

“No,” he agreed, though a part of him would like her to, “but you wouldn’t have made the bet if you didn’t want me prying, now, would you?”

“Maybe I’m just a poor planner.”

Felix simply raised an eyebrow. Marinette’s plans might not work out the way she wants them to on occasion, but she certainly wasn’t a poor planner. 

Her smile widened, clearly catching onto what he was thinking. “It could always be a possibility.”

Felix lightly scoffed and leaned back on his palms, his gaze sweeping over Marinette’s bed up top. It was neatly made, with nothing else surrounding it but a stray glass of water. That probably meant the surprise was on the lower portion of her room, since it would be hard to keep something hidden in a clean space. Could it be in one of her chests, perhaps? Or was he going to have to unravel one of her fabric rolls to find it?

“Perhaps I’m putting too much faith in you, but-” 

A yawn cut off Felix’s remark, and he blinked at Marinette as she stretched out her free arm. Her posture was practically slumped against the desk, her cheek sagging against her palm as she slid further into it. Was she.. tired? 

“Are you alright?” He asked, leaning forward to get a better look at her. Had those bags under her eyes been there this whole time?

“Hm? Oh, yeah.” She pulled herself back into a sitting-up position, attempting to rub the grogginess off of her expression. “I just hadn’t realized how tired I was until I stopped working.”

Felix frowned. “When did you last sleep?”

“Uh.. What day is it again?” She glanced down at her computer. “Saturday.. I think I got some sleep yesterday morning.”

“Yesterday Morning?” He repeated, flabbergasted. M. Sabine had mentioned Marinette working non-stop on her projects, but he didn’t think she meant it literally. “Why haven’t you been sleeping?”

She offered him a half shrug. “I didn’t mean to stay up this long. I just keep getting into the zone with Claude’s suit, and it makes time fly by.. Plus, my insomnia was getting to me again. So, I figured: Why roll around in bed relentlessly when you can do something productive?”

“You need to rest.”

Marinette tossed her hand in his direction. “Nah. What I need is to go get one of my mocha frappuccinos. Actually, can you get it for me? It’s downstairs in the fridge.”

“I’m not getting you a frappuccino,” Felix stated flatly, “but I’ll get you some water. Have you eaten anything today?”

“Uh.. I think I ate a macaron sometime this morning?”

Felix sighed and stood up from the chaise. Why was he not surprised?

“I’ll find something for you to eat then as well.”

“Felix, you really don’t have to do that.”

“No, but I’m going to. You can’t work on a project while you’re half-dead, after all. It’ll only lead to mistakes.”

“What are you talking about?” Marinette drawled. “Being half-dead is when most of my inspirations come to life!”

Felix pinched the bridge of his nose, though a small smile tugged at his lips. Sometimes he forgot how much of a mess Marinette could be.

“I’ll be right back.” He said, pulling open the trapdoor. 

Since Tom and Sabine were still working, the main housing area was empty, so Felix was able to slip down into the kitchen without a problem. 

He went to the fridge first, though he wasn’t entirely sure what to give her. M. Sabine told him to ask her for snacks if they needed any, but she would probably only bring them sweet treats. Marinette hasn’t eaten anything but a macaron since this morning, so she needed something healthy. Would fruit work? What kind of fruits did she like? He’s seen an orange in her pre-made lunch every now and then, but did they have any oranges here?

He closed the fridge and glanced at the counters. They were mostly covered with kitchen utensils, but he did spot a bowl of apples and oranges on the island, along with a few bananas on a hook nearby. 

Perfect.

He snatched one of each fruit, then got a cup from the cabinet and filled it with as much water as he could. Hopefully it wouldn’t spill on his way back up.

With food and water in hand, Felix carefully trudged back up the stairs to the trapdoor. He switched all of his fruit over to one arm and pushed the trapdoor open, keeping a watchful eye on the water while doing so.

“Marinette, do you like oranges more or..” Felix trailed off as his eyes landed on Marinette again. She was slumping in her chair now, and her eyes were completely closed while her head was tilted to the side at an odd angle. If that didn’t bring him to the realization that she was sleeping, the snore that came a few seconds later certainly did.

Felix almost laughed as he continued into the bedroom. She fell asleep? Within the two seconds that he was gone?? 

“Marinette, you truly are incredible.” He whispered to himself, setting the water and fruit on her desk. Should he wake her up? She’ll probably be embarrassed if she finds out she fell asleep while he was there, especially after claiming she wasn’t that tired. 

..On the other hand, leaving her be might give him a bit of an advantage..

Felix smirked, carefully tip-toeing away from her sleeping figure. Where was she looking when he mentioned the surprise again?

~~~~~~~

Marinette squirmed under her blanket, twisting herself to become more comfortable on the fluffy material underneath her. She’d forgotten how soft her chaise was, or how the memory foam helped her sink into it just right.. Maybe she should try sleeping on this more ofte-

Wait a minute.

Marinette cracked an eye open, glancing around her room with a frown. Since when was she lying down on the chaise? Hadn’t she been sitting in her rolling chair a moment ago? With-

“Felix!” she gasped, lurching upwards. Where was he? Did she fall asleep while he was in her room? Why didn’t he wake her up? Was he still in the house?

Marinette threw off her blanket and stood. She didn’t see him anywhere in her room, but that didn’t necessarily mean he wasn’t there. He could be downstairs in the living room, or talking with her parents in the bakery. Did he see anything while she was asleep? What if he found the small cans of paint behind her fabrics? Would he be able to figure out the surprise from that? What if he found the surprise itself?!

Seized with panic, Marinette raced up the ladder that led to her bed, then scaled the next ladder that led to her balcony. She threw open the trapdoor and poked her head outside, glancing around again. 

The platform was empty, thankfully. No Felix in sight. And the little pot in the corner next to her beach chair looked to be untouched as well.

Marinette let out a relieved sigh and walked over to the pot, carefully picking up the fake plant that she’d placed on top of it. Inside, past the plastic that covered the top in case of rain, she saw her package sitting snugly, right where she’d left it. Thank goodness she decided to hide it the night before, otherwise Felix would have won their bet as soon as he stepped inside her bedroom.

Marinette put the fake plant back where it was supposed to be, making sure the plastic wasn’t visible anymore, and stood up to scan the road. Felix’s car wasn’t on her street, which probably meant he went home, but that didn’t mean she was safe just yet.

“Tikki!” She called as she climbed back down into her room. It was a nasty trick he played, visiting her home unannounced, but in hindsight, she probably should have expected it. If Felix was going to guess the surprise, he needed more information on it, and how else was he going to get information (aside from herself, who was currently ignoring his messages)? Her house, where the surprise- and any clues pertaining to it -would naturally be. 

Tikki zipped up to Marinette almost immediately. “Yes, Marinette?”

“Do you know how long I was asleep?” 

Her kwami hummed, briefly turning to find a clock. “I’d say about.. Two hours?”

“Two hours?” Marinette repeated, horrified. Imagine what Felix could have done in that amount of time! 

“Did Felix find anything about the surprise?” 

“Not that I know of,” Tikki answered, to Marinette’s relief, “He started to look around for a bit, then decided against it, I guess, and left you a note before leaving himself.”

Marinette’s eyebrows knitted together slightly. “A note?”

Tikki nodded. “It’s on your desk.”

Marinette turned around to scan the bottom of her room again, indeed spotting a piece of paper on the corner of her desk. She must have been too worried about the surprise to notice it.

She climbed down her second ladder and walked over to the desk, picking up the small piece of paper. Felix’s letters curled across the page, beautiful and delicate, and to her surprise, she found something tucked underneath the note as well: A string of hearts. The same hearts she’d made for the Valentine’s Day party.

Dear Marinette,

You fell asleep before I could mention it, but the real reason I stopped by was to give you the decoration we talked about while cleaning up last Thursday. I noticed you forgot to ask Allegra about it, or perhaps you simply didn’t want to in the end. If the latter is the case, feel free to throw the decoration away. 

I left fruit on your desk, along with a glass of water. Please eat and hydrate yourself so you don’t collapse later.

Signed,

Felix

A soft warmth bloomed in Marinette’s chest as she glanced at the group of fruits on her desk. It was a bit embarrassing that he remembered her stupid ‘reminiscing-over-the-hearts’ excuse, but also sweet that he took the time to ask Allegra about them after Marinette left. He always seemed to pay more attention to her than she realized. 

“Hey, how did I get on the chaise?” Marinette asked Tikki curiously. “Felix didn’t.. You know.. carry me or anything, did he?”

The very thought nearly made her blush, but she tried to push it aside as best she could.

“Oh, he thought about it,” Her kwami confirmed, a certain amusement to her tone, “but in the end, he decided to wake you up just enough to have you walk over to the chaise yourself.”

Marinette nodded thoughtfully. She didn’t remember any of the moving process, but the neat piles next to her chaise proved that Felix put a lot of effort into cleaning the furniture off and making it comfortable. He even found a stray blanket for her to use.. With such gentle treatment coming from him, she almost wondered what she could have done to deserve it.

“Did he.. By any chance.. Do anything else while I was sleeping?” She asked hesitantly.

Tikki furrowed her eyebrows, confused. “Like what?”

Marinette flushed, flailing her arms as she replied a bit too loudly, “O-Oh, nothing! Nothing at all! I mean, if you didn’t notice anything then clearly nothing happened- hahaha! Anyway-”

She turned away from Tikki and put her hands over her face, almost groaning from embarrassment. Why would Felix even do anything to her while she was asleep? He didn’t like her that way! In fact, he didn’t like touching people at all! He wouldn’t be the type to longingly gaze at her sleeping face or maybe gently brush her bangs to the side with a smile.. It just wasn’t realistic. She needed to quit hoping for these fantasies before she fell too deeply into them.

A sigh passed Marinette’s lips, and she lowered her hands to look at Felix’s note again.

At least he cared for her in general. That’s better than nothing, right? She was happy just being his friend. 

Even if she might be starting to see him as something more.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Devotion: Hey guys! Thanks for coming back for another end-of-chapter devotion! I really appreciate all of those who read this, and I am very excited to share more of the Bible with you! Today we’re going to talk about the beginnings of Hell, why it exists, and why it’s now our problem today. 

People often like to question God’s goodness and grace by pointing out the existence of Hell. They say that if He is truly loving and truly as great as we say, then putting someone into Hell- or making it in the first place -should be too grievous of a task for Him. He shouldn’t want to create a situation where any of His other wonderful creations will suffer. I will agree that is a good question, but it is also a question that can be perfectly explained. (or as perfect as I myself can explain it anyway lol)

The first thing we need to understand is that Hell was not originally made for us. Hell was made for Lucifer and his followers. For background, Lucifer is an angel of light that used to be known as one of God’s chiefest angels. He had six wings, was beautiful beyond imagination, and (some believe) served at the right hand of Jesus Christ himself. Despite all of these magnificent gifts, however, Lucifer became unsatisfied with his position. As he looked at the things around him and thought about the incredible powers he’d been bestowed, he started to believe that he was above God. That instead of serving the one who made him, he should be the one on top, the one served and glorified. Pride and envy snaked through his chest like weeds, and soon, he was convincing other angels that he should be in charge too. This blasphemy continued until Lucifer felt he’d rallied enough angels together- or perhaps God called him prematurely -and He attacked God with one third of Heaven’s angels. As you can imagine, the fight didn’t last long. God won with an overwhelming victory, and for their insolence, God banished Lucifer and his followers to the place we now know as Hell. It is a place that God does not touch with any of his mercies or graces or light, a place a complete darkness where you can’t even see your hand in front of your face and your soul is tormented with an excruciating, unsoothable pain for the rest of eternity, where the only sounds you’ll hear is wailing and screaming and crying and gnashing of teeth. This was the place of punishment that God created for Lucifer and his followers, but it wasn’t supposed to be a place of punishment for us. 

Now this brings us to the beginning of creation and earth, where Hell suddenly became a problem of our own as well. See, Hell is the place where people who do not want to serve God or give their hearts to Him go. It is not a direct punishment or forced suffering, per se. It is more like getting all of the privileges that come with serving Him taken away from us. If we are rejecting God, then we are rejecting the kindness and gifts that He gives us for accepting Him, such as peace, love, happiness, protection, light, and all of those great things. In the beginning, God created Adam and Eve, and He gave them the choice of following Him or rejecting Him and going their own way. He put them in a ginormous, beautiful garden, where they had everything they could ever need, and in the midst of the garden, He put a tree called the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. God told them that they could eat of every fruit in the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they could not eat. It was a simple rule, just one: Don’t eat the fruit of that tree, but you can have everything else. For a while, Adam and Eve followed that rule. The Bible doesn’t specify how long before they broke it, but one day, as Eve was eating in the garden, a serpent came to her. It’s unclear as to how many animals could speak during this time on earth, or if the snake itself was an exception, but the snake did speak to her.

“Yea, hath God said, ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?” The serpent hissed.

Eve, I can imagine, shook her head. “We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: but the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, ‘Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die’.”

“Ye shall not surely die,” the snake said, “for God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.”

Now, this is the tricky part of how the devil works. He likes to throw in a little bit of the truth to cover up big lies. The fruit on the tree of the knowledge of good and evil did have the power to open our eyes to sin and wickedness, but it also was definitely going to kill Eve if she ate it. With the honeyed words of satan, however, and the tempting thought of becoming something better than she was now, Eve didn’t consider that he might be lying, and she didn’t consult God on the matter either. Instead, she took the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil hesitantly in her hands and, with one final breath of courage, took a bite of it. 

In that moment, she chose to go her own way instead of God’s

.Eve didn’t die physically as she’d expected to, but that wasn’t because God lied. It was because He was talking about a different kind of death, which was a spiritual death. Her body may have remained after she sinned, but her soul was shriveled up inside itself, now separated from God’s touch of everlasting life. She rejected God and His graces, and in doing so, sent herself in the direction of a place where God’s light does not shine. What’s worse is that since “nothing happened” when she ate the fruit, she brought the fruit to Adam as well. Adam, seeing that his lovely wife was still alive and well, came to the conclusion that God had lied too and also ate the fruit he was specifically told not to eat. They’d both chosen a life without God now.

Of course, since God sees everything, it wasn’t long before He came down to talk with them. Just like with Lucifer, God punished them for their insolence and disobedience. He cursed Adam’s seed, so that anyone born by him (or any man) would have their eyes opened to sin as well, and He cursed the ground so that weeds and thorns and such would sprout from the ground, making it ten times harder for Adam to work in the fields. For Eve, he cursed the way she gave birth, multiplying the pain and sorrow of it, and said that she now had to submit to her husband and that it would even become her main desire to please him. On top of those curses, He made the animals to be carnivores from then on, eating meat and growing wild from the curse of the ground, and also banished Adam and Eve from the Garden of Eden. And at the very end of that, we know that they were on their way to Hell for their disobedience.

“That’s not fair!” You might say. “They only ate one little fruit! Isn’t that punishment a bit excessive?” Well, no. Sin is a big deal. It is direct disobedience of God, and God’s rules that He gives us are not there without reason. He knew the importance of not eating the fruit and warned us ahead of time that the punishment for eating it would be severe, yet we ate it anyway. Any punishment we were given was completely deserved. You cannot say that God is merciless and cruel for not holding back on a punishment that He told us beforehand that He would give if we did something we weren’t supposed to.

“What about the rest of us? None of us were the ones to eat of the tree. Why do we have to pay for it?” You may not have sinned by eating of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, but you have sinned in your life regardless. At some point, you did something wrong and turned your back on God’s influence and grace. We are all deserving of the punishment that we are heading towards.

“Why not stop us? Why let us choose sin over Him? Why even give us the opportunity to do wrong at all?” Free will. God loves us all dearly, so He wanted to give us the choice to love Him, not just force us to because we are His own creation. Isn’t that amazing? He loves us so much that He created us knowing we wouldn’t love Him the same way He loves us, and He continues to give grace to those who reject Him and essentially spit in his face. I can’t imagine having that much love or patience for somebody, can you? He even gave us another chance to spend paradise with Him by sending Jesus Christ down to save us! Think about it: You know somebody who’s rejected you. You’ve given them good advice, and they’ve spit curses at you while deciding that they know better. They’ve shaken their fist at you and refused to talk to you, called you awful names for giving them the best things they could have, and yet, despite all of that, you decide to send your only son, your prime possession, to go down and take an incredible punishment for them, to die for them. That person who rejected you doesn’t deserve it. They haven’t asked for forgiveness. There is no guarantee that they will even acknowledge the fact that you saved them, but you do it anyway. God did it anyway, and He did it on a much larger scale than that little metaphor.

Hell was not meant for us, but we are headed there now because of our poor choices. God has given us a way to reconcile, to change the choices that we’ve made, because He loves us. He’s calling out to you now. I pray that you are listening. Thanks for reading, and I hope you all have a blessed day! If you have any questions about God, please message me and let me know! <3)

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[kittydemon9000]

Alright so I know Literally Nobody asked for this but the idea of leaguers having differnt armor types, speeds, and strengths is so fascinating to me so here’s an entire post about my headcanons about it, staring the Main 7 since they’re the ones we see most and have the most evidence for. 

Also, please keep in mind that this is completely made based on memory alone and it’s been a bit since I last saw the show. If I missed something or remembered something wrong feel free to correct me or add your own thoughts.

Also also, I made a chart (the chart is based on the strongest for the leaguer, not out of all of them, ex: Top Joy’s strongest is different from GZ’s strongest)

First off, the leader of Silver Castle himself, Magnum Ace, a Baseball Leaguer. Right off the bat(hah puns) I immediately knew his arms would be the strongest points. He seems to have been created with him being a pitcher in mind and his 44 Sonic has clearly been shown to posses a lot of power which he would need the strength to handle. There’s also how he was shown to be a decent hitter in Gold Arm’s flashback, sending every ball into the outfield. As for his weakest points, they were also pretty easy. The joints are a bit of a constant with all of the leaguers I showed, but the fins are because they seem to be rather thin and probably can’t hold up very well under pressure. There’s also the shoulder joints, which I wasn’t able to put on the diagram, since as shown during the end of the series, if Magnum repeatedly pitches his 44 Sonic without rest the stress on his shoulders start to cause them to break down, to the point where he was forced to sit out for the next few days for repairs. Speed wise Magnum is nothing special and in my eyes pretty average amongst the team.

Next up, we have Mach Windy, a Soccer Leaguer. Similar to Magnum, I knew almost immediately his strongest point would be his legs since, y’know, soccer. Everything(physical) we see coming from Windy is almost always centered around his leg strength and speed. This is outright said when Silver Castle is resting after some baseball training and Magnum tells Windy(I shit you not) “We believe in your leg.” There’s also his Mach Spin which depends entirely on his ability to kick to ball at an extremely high speed. There’s also a scene when trying to help Gold Foot during the Forced Retirement Arc where his kicks a ball of solid rock without any issues. The scene also brings me to why his head is a strong point. Heading is also something Windy has been shown to be able to do, and referencing the Forced Retirement Arc again where he head butts the aforementioned ball of rock. For speed, as mentioned before, when it comes to running Windy seems to be the fastest amongst Silver Castle. The weakness I feel is pretty self explanatory since soccer doesn’t really require use of your arms unless you’re a goalie. There’s also how in the Jet Setter episode Bull sees Windy loose an arm wrestle almost immediatly with Ryuuken, but that might just be since Ryuuken is ridiculously powerful. As for durability, he seems to be not very strong, instead having lighter armor for more speed.

Speaking of Ryuuken, let’s talk about the Karate Leaguer. As you can see, his strongest part is his armor, aka almost all of him. As a karate leaguer, Ryuuken was probably created with the intent of being able to take a lot of hits. There’s also the running joke of a member of another team attacking him with all their power and him not budging and saying something along the lines of “I feel nothing.” Strength wise, we get a taste of his crazy power is during his first spotlight episode where he was practicing kicking with Windy, to which he accidentally broke the stone wall surrounding the field. He then unlocks more of his power when rescuing Ruri from the factory, but we don’t see his real power until the Forced Retirment arc. There we got to see when going to rescue Magnum, Windy, and the Gold Bros how he opened a literal chasm into the ground with a single punch, though I can’t remember if it was rock, metal, or both, but that’s still pretty impressive, and that was before he unlocked his Heart Kit in the Death Football Arc which only increased his power. And then during the OVA when the Fighter Brothers try to fight Windy’s new team and they use their pitch, a pitch that nobody had been able to hit before, Ryuuken straight up punches it with seemingly no backlash and getting a home run all because they made him mad.….maybe it’s a good thing Ryuuken is so innocent and calm. Speed wise, Ryuuken seems to be on the slower side of the team, however I do think Ryuuken(alongside Juurouta) would have the best reflexes. This one is completely headcanon and I don’t have much proof, it just makes sense to me.

Next up, we have Bull Armor, a Football Leaguer. His armor and helmet are easily his strongest parts, for mostly obvious reasons. Multiple times throughout the series he is seen tanking blows that would normally knock another leaguer to the ground, most notably when he’s Silver Castle’s goalkeeper in soccer and catcher in baseball. However, his durability seems to be different from Ryuuken’s since he is still moved by the attacks but can bounce back from more. His durability seems to be pretty tied to his strength too since he is one of the only leaguers who has been shown to catch Magnum’s 44 Sonic. There’s also how when he was first introduced he stopped and lifted a truck much larger than himself with relative ease in order to stop it from hitting a young boy. His speed however is admittedly a bit harder to figure out. He seems to be much larger and heavier, however as shown when he lost control in his past he still has the ability to charge down opponents at a speed in which they can’t properly evade, though it’s up for debate whether they were trying to properly evade or trying to reason with him.

Juurouta, a Kendo Leaguer, is next. His durability is more basic compared to the others, mostly focusing around his Armor Armor(no that was not a typo). Said Armor Armor also seems to be protecting the joints which may or may not be intentional, but I’m going with it. His fins share the same logic with Magnum, as do his joints with everyone else. His strength mostly seems to be localized in his arms, which makes sense since he is a kendo leaguer. His strength was first shown in comparison to the others when he was the first person to hit Gold Arm’s Genocide Screw with a hit(discounting Bull since he technically kicked it). There’s also how in the Arctic he was able to cut down the  blizzard machine, however that spent all his energy. Speed wise I think he’s in a similar i boat to Ryuuken: slow overall, but incredible reflexes.

Now, Top Joy, a Basketball Leaguer, was a fun one to do for no reason more than I like the character. Strength wise, nothing very impressive, he show much. Durability though….it’s not the best. The only points that seemed to be able to hold up were his arms(sort of) and feet, and they’re less based on actual proof and more on logical thinking but I digress. Hand and arms because he’ll need to be able to catch balls thrown his way, but they’re still relatively weak compared to other members of Silver Castle. I highlighted his feet because they would probably be needed to make they don’t break once Top Joy lands after jumping high. If they were weak the repeated slamming into the ground would cause them to break and then Top Joy(and any other basketball leaguer) would be relatively stuck. But where I think Top Joy shines is his speed and maneuverability. As he has demonstrated many times throughout baseball and soccer games alike, his spring legs can be used in a variety of situations, from avoiding attacking players to catching balls that would normally be too far out of reach. And there’s also the possibility of using the force from the spring to propel himself faster when running, thought it’s unclear if he does this already. However, they are not without weakness. As shown in the episode with Gebara, they are easily damaged when seemingly a single coil is damaged and prevents him from walking without assistance from his teammates. There’s also his recording equipment and speakers which, while functional, seem like they would also be damaged rather easily since as someone who has worked with recording/video equipment, I am all too aware of how fragile it can be. Also another note, Top Joy also seems to have an incredibly high pain tolerance. When the members of Section X give him a warning shock with the shock circuit, he pleads with them and says how he “doesn’t like punishment,” implying this has happened before. There’s also his questionable relationship with his past team and much later in the Death Football Arc when he flat out says “I’m used to pain,” which in concerning to say the least.

And finally, last but most certainly not least, we have GZ, a Hockey Leaguer. Similar to Ryuuken, GZ has been shown to be incredibly powerful and being able to take a lot. There are three times where his power is shown. First is barely a day after he joins their team when he defends his teammates from attacks that would normally knock them off their feet(sans Ryuuken). The second time is when he’s babysitting the kids and survives an avalanche that took out another group of hockey(?) leaguers with barely a scratch. And then in the OVA where he’s able to deflect almost all of Garret’s dive bomb attacks without took much trouble. This is undoubtedly a combination of some hockey leaguers being incredibly defensive(like Thunderbolt) and his reformatting which led him to be a mercenary. We don’t seem too much from GZ in terms of strength, so I’m going to say he’s just a little weaker than Magnum. Speed though, that one was a bit hard to figure out. Main because of his boosters. His boosters give him an enormous speed boost, fast enough to get ahead of Garret who was literally flying and dive bombing, and on the ice without as much friction it only increases his speed. However, the few times we see him running, he seems to be slower than the other Silver Castle members, likely because of his weight and how he was meant for ice, not land. 

TL:DR, From most to least

Durability: GZ, Ryuuken, Bull Armor, Juurouta, Magnum, Windy, Top Joy

Strength: Ryuuken, Bull Armor, Juurouta, Magnum, GZ, Top Joy, Windy

Speed: GZ(with boosters/on ice), Windy, Top Joy, Magnum, Bull Armor, Ryuuken, Juurouta, GZ(running), but Juurouta and Ryuuken have the best reflexes

[coconutstars]

Right people at the wrong time p.II

Part I Part III Part IV

Pairing: Stiles + reader   Prompt: Perhaps, we were the right people at the wrong time Summary: Two years has passed and reader is back in Beacon Hill. She has neither spoken nor seen Stiles (or Scott for that matter) since the huge fight. But we all know Beacon Hills is a small town and BH high is an even smaller school so yeah, shit’s about to go down.  A/N: Sooo...This fic is going to be so much longer than I'd initially anticipated. There’s so much I want to squeeze in. I love writing it though and hopefully y’all love reading it. I’m thinking there’s probably going to be 1? possibly 2? more parts. We’ll see. Depends if you guys want a continuation. Enjoy, and as always, I  appreciate constructive criticism on my work so... yeah feel free to message me. Also those of you who know me know I'm the master of mixing past and present tense, just roll with it :’) 

[ :: ]

You weren’t sure if it was fate or coincidence that had brought your family back to Beacon Hills. At this point it didn’t really matter. You were here, regardless if you wanted to or not. You were panicking in the front seat of your car, mentally preparing yourself to get out and walk through those double doors to Beacon Hills high. ‘You’ve got this’ you mumbled under your breath. ‘You can do this. Just breath’. You were gripping the steering wheel so tightly your knuckles were beginning to whiten. ‘it’s a big school. He’s not…” you quickly dismissed the thought brewing in your mind. You’d been trying to convince yourself all morning that your nerves had absolutely nothing to do with the brown eyed boy you’d once loved. They boy you’d gotten into a huge fight with and not seen or spoken to in two years. The boy who’d explicitly explained he hated you. Oh no. Your nerves had absolutely nothing to do with him. 

You leaned forward and rested your head against the steering wheel.

‘Get. Your. Shit. Together.’ You whispered.

You knew you looked like an idiot. But who cared? You had bigger things to worry about than kids passing by thinking you were crazy. Worries like accidently running into Sti… NO. You scolded yourself. You refused to even think of his name. He was a closed chapter. A done deal. Besides, you hadn’t thought of him in almost two years and you certainly weren’t going to start now. It’s just…things had ended so incredibly bad between you. Stiles had hurt you. Like, really hurt you. His words had stuck with you for longer than you cared to admit. He’d made you insecure and to this very day you still couldn’t be yourself around friends without his words echoing in your head. “You’re needy, clingy and just a charity case Scott and I have been trying to shake since 8th grade” It hurt.

Exhaling a breath, you sat back up and cast a glance at the watch around your wrist. Shit. You really needed to get out of the car, or you’d be forced to walk into class late. Everyone would notice and the teacher would most likely force you to stand in front of the class and introduce yourself. You’d stutter and get all flushed and… sigh. It just wasn’t an option. Mustering your strength, you got out of the car and, with an anxious moan, walked through the doors to BH high.

Ten minutes later and you were making your way to your first class of the day. It’d been a while since you last walked the halls of beacon hills high, but you seemed to still be able to find your way around. With one arm gripping your textbooks, you used your free hand to bring your travel coffee cup to your lips. You weren’t sure if it was the caffeine or nerves that were making your hands shake, most likely a mix of both. Looking at the plaque beside the door you made sure it was the right classroom before stepping in. You were just about to walk to an empty seat when you stopped dead in your tracks.

Oh god.

Oh god.

Oh.

God.

For a moment it was like you completely forgot how to function.

Your heart was racing. You had this panicky feeling of not know what to do because right in front of you, propped up on a worn-out desk across the room was him. Stiles. For a moment your eyes met, and it was like the air was sucked out of the room. The only thing you could focus on was the sensation of utter panic coursing through your veins.

Instantly you shifted your gaze and slid into a desk in the back of the room as far away from him as you could possibly get. This was literally the one thing. The. One. Thing. you’d prayed wouldn’t happen. But hey, when had things ever gone your way?

It was impossible to focus during class. You were on edge the entire time. Every part of your body was tense. Even your hands. You’d hid a balled up fists in your lap while the other held on to the coffee cup for dear life. Thank god it was made of hard plastic and not paper. It would have crimpled in your hand like wet clay. When the bell finally rang you were out of your seat before anyone even had time to pack up their things.

Second period was way better. You ended up talking to the girl seated next to you in class. She offered you to sit with her and her friends during lunch and you’d gladly agreed. “They’re dorks but I love them” she said with a bubbly laugh as you made your way across the courtyard. “aren’t we all” you replied with a small smile. There was something so genuine about this girl. So kind and good. “Oh, there they are!” she raised her hand to wave just as a familiar voice called her name. “Kira!” ‘ARE YOU KIDDING ME’ you screamed internally. Instant panic. Scott was sitting on one of the metal benches smiling widely at Kira. Beside him sat a short, blonde guy in lacrosse gear and Stiles. Stiles. God damn Stiles.

Seriously. Who had you killed in your previous life to deserve this kind of hell? “Come on” Kira smiled, nudging you forward. You hadn’t realized you’d stop moving. “Uh…I’m going to…” you began pointing backwards but Kira had already hooked her arm in yours and forcing you forward. “They’re really nice” she said cheerfully. Scott had raised his hand to wave back at Kira but lowered it as he saw you. He looked thoughtful for a minute but then his face shone up in a smile. All you could think was “a charity case Scott and I have been trying to shake since 8th grade” “a charity case Scott and I…” The distance was closing in and your pulse and nerves were going absolutely haywire.

To make matters worse, walking in from the opposite side of the yard, strawberry blonde hair moving slightly as she moved, was Lydia Martin.

Her green eyes searched across the yard until finally finding her target. Oh. OH. Your eyes widened in shock. With determined steps Lydia walked down the pathway, a grin curving her lips, right to Stiles.

[twistedtummies2]

Well, you've done DC. How about Marvel?

Okay, this one was REALLY tricky. XD The issue with Marvel is that while there is one character who is consistently one I adore, the rest of the characters I can have kink crushes on tend to be in flux, so to speak. Like, sometimes I'll like them a whole lot, sometimes I'll only like them a small bit, sometimes I'll like certain designs or portrayals and not others, etc. So there are NUMEROUS Marvel characters I wouldn't mind writing for and can fantasize about, but how much those levels stand is forever fluctuating. Having said that, this won't REALLY be a Top 5 of favorites, but more...a Top 5 of consistency. Because aside from my number one (and maybe my number two), the other characters here fluctuate in terms of how much I like them compared to others. HOWEVER, they are ALL characters I CONSISTENTLY enjoy to some degree or another in a pred/big eater role. (Mostly pred, if you haven't guessed from previous answers.) Now, let's get into them...

5. Galactus.

Ah, yes, the Eater of Worlds himself. In point of fact, Galactus' literally cosmic appetite is both his biggest pro AND his biggest con. Galactus is a veritable god of destruction; a nigh-omnipotent being whose entire existence REVOLVES around consumption on a massive scale. Galactus literally eats worlds; he absorbs all energy the planet has into his being, and his hunger is neverending. Time and again he's come after Earth, but every time, he's outsmarted by the heroes and left to find some other place to gorge himself. On the one hand, God-level predators are freaking AWESOME, and that level of sheer hunger is INTENSELY squeak-and-blush-inducing. On the other hand, however, it doesn't leave much room for intimacy or for writing that will present an especially great amount of conflict. As a result, Galactus' appetite is both incredibly appealing and yet slightly off-putting for me.

4. Fin Fang Foom.

While his name is pretty silly, this giant dragon is actually one of Marvel's most underrated and intensely powerful antagonists. Originally imagined as a sort of unlikely cross between Godzilla and Fu Manchu - a monstrous distillation of all things that terrified people during the Yellow Scare - Fin Fang Foom has evolved with the times and, much like the Mandarin, still has a steady home at Marvel in the comics and in animation. He's not very well known, however, I think mostly because he hasn't appeared in any movies. As you know, I love dragons, and Fin Fang Foom is a dandy of a beast: a regularly rampaging monster who is, indeed, a canon pred. The image used here is actually from a defective clone of Fin Fang Foom, which had much of his power but little of his intelligence; the REAL Fin Fang Foom is actually highly intellectual...but this does not make him any less ravenous than the version depicted above. (Plus...come on, with imagery and writing like that, I HAD to make this the image I shared.) He's pretty much perfect for macro/micro type stuff, if you're into dragons.

3. Nightcrawler.

There are several X-Men characters I have had crushes on: Beast, Blob, Toad, and Sabretooth are the chief ones. However, in all four of these cases, how much I like them tends to fluctuate, as I've said before: it depends on a LOT of factors. However, the one X-Men character I seem to consistently want to stuff full of food or end up feeding myself to is, ironically, one of the least likely options: Kurt Wagner, a.k.a. Nightcrawler. I WOULD say this is because he's my favorite X-Men character (which is true), but I don't really think that's the reason. There's not much evidence of Kurt being an ESPECIALLY big eater, and certainly no evidence of him being of a predatory mindset...yet he has developed a niche group of vore-loving or belly-loving fans who really love the thought of feeding him one way or another, and I am in that niche. I think it's a mixture of his design and his personality: Kurt looks like a fanged, fuzzy demon, but his soul is actually that of a very fine fellow. He's an impish mischief maker, a charismatic and chivalrous gentleman, and a kind, charitable, religiously devout sweetheart, all at the same time. You can imagine Nightcrawler being a big tease to someone who has certain kinks, but you can also imagine him being very docile or very comforting. He's pretty much a tailor made character for the softer, safer, more playful sides of these interests almost without trying.

2. Tiger Shark.

I've only come to know Tiger Shark fairly recently, and I haven't READ much of him...but with what I have seen of him and learned of him, he's definitely worthy of the number two spot. Remember how I said in a previous thing of these sorts that Killer Croc was sort of "King Shark done right"? Yeah, I think Tiger Shark is an even more accurate example of that. In the comics, this rogue's story goes like this: Todd Arliss was once an Olympic swimmer who lost his abilities in an accident: desperate to regain his athletic capabilities, he gave himself over to experimentation, and his DNA was fused with that of a tiger shark, and also of the mythical Sub-Mariner, Prince Namor. The resulting mutation turned Arliss into a predatory monster, with superhuman strength and a savage appetite. Over the years, Arliss has been depicted less and less human and more and more animalistic by various artists; whether this is a canon show of his worsening mutation or just artistic license is anyone's guess. Tiger Shark has a more consistent personality than King Shark, and while his design has changed over the years, he's at least retained the basic concepts, as well as his hunger. I have to admit that I actually prefer a version OUTSIDE of the comics for my interests: the version that appears in the series "Avengers Assemble," which gives him a whole new backstory and a decidedly beastly design. If I were to write for the guy, I'd likely follow that one more closely. Still, the comic version definitely has some merits, too.

1. Venom.

Now, I'm specifically talking about the original Eddie Brock Venom; other versions just don't interest me as much. With that out of the way...Venom didn't START OUT as a predatory beast, but quite quickly, as time went on, the character became more and more focused on that aspect of things. Just looking at the guy, it's easy to see why. The Jekyll-and-Hyde-esque relationship between Eddie Brock and the ravenous Symbiote that controls him is one that can be used for both comedy and tragedy, and Venom's gluttonous, aggressive, and at times delightfully witty personality makes him a very fun character to imagine. He can devour massive amounts, has a canonical love of chocolate (as well as human flesh), and has more appealing dialogue than you can shake a stick at throughout his long history. He's right up there with Killer Croc as one of my favorite predator crushes in comics, and possibly the only Marvel character I can consistently say I adore above ALL others.

[nepenthendline]

Heyyy, could you do a headcannon post for tsukki, kenma, suga, Kageyama, and kurro, and how they would go about proposing to their s/o. I love your writing btw!!! 💜

proposal hcs make me so sOFT, and thank you so much 🥺🥺🥺 It means a lot! I’m going to bury myself in these hcs to get rid of the stress my uni are giving me rn also kageyama’s is so long omg i got a little carried away

slight timeskip spoilers (kenma, sugawara, kageyama, kuroo)

Requests are open!

Proposal Headcanons - Tsukishima, Kenma, Sugawara, Kageyama and Kuroo

Tsukishima:

Tsukishima wasn’t one for extravagant publics displays of love and affection, so his proposal wouldn’t be either

he wanted it to be natural, not some crazy, over-the-top event that had everyone in the neighbourhood witnessing

it would be around 5-10 years (depending on how old you were when you started dating) of being together when Tsukishima decided he wanted to marry you, it’s not that he never thought about it, he just wanted to be sure this was the right decision for both of you

he had mentioned marriage to you one night a few months before proposing to test the waters and see your opinion so that he could gauge whether you would say yes or not

he took Yamaguchi with him to pick out a ring, he was great friends with you too so he knew your style and preferences well to help out Tsukishima

the proposal itself what somewhat planned, he knew the day he was going to do it but, other than that, he left it open to change

the two of you had gone for an evening walk across a pathway that overlooked the town, something you two do often to wind down

you two hadn’t spoke much, a comfortable, warm silence surrounding you besides pointing out the odd squirrel or brief check-ups on each others day

both of you had stopped at a railing on your walk, leaning against it to watch the sun set over the tall buildings

his hand was in yours, brushing his thumb over the back of it as he looked out to the view

“I love you (Y/N),” his voice was quiet but it seemed certain

he wasn’t the kind of man that told you he loved you multiple times a day, it was reserved for special moments and the times where he couldn’t get how lucky he was to have you out of his mind

“I love you too Kei,” you didn’t need to be loud, or shout your confession to the world to know that you both meant it deeply

“Marry me,” it sounded more like a instruction than a question and his gaze hadn’t left the sky

“W-what?” had you heard him wrong? was this a joke?

he turned his eyes to you, locking them with yours - this was the most serious and sincere you had ever seen him

“Marry me,” he repeated

you stood with your mouth slightly open, eyes wide as he pulled out a box from his pocket, opening it to display a simple, yet stunning ring

“I always thought that if you went for what you truly wanted, it would just end in pain and disappointment, that all the effort and sentiment would be for nothing, but with you it’s so easy. I might never be, but I want to become the best man for you, that you deserve, so marry me.”

Kenma:

gets married for tax purposes

marriage was not something Kenma had ever though about in his life growing up

he never thought he would get married or find someone he had a connection with and, honestly, he was fine with that

he didn’t really see the appeal of it in the first place

it wasn’t until many years down the line of being with you and his friends around him getting into relationships when he started to consider the possibility

the first time it came into his head was at Kuroo’s wedding

he spent most of the time wishing he could go home and get out of this uncomfortable suit, but there were times when he say Kuroo’s beaming smile that he was glad he came

some of the ex-nekoma team members had poked at him with questions of when he was going to get ‘hitched’, which he responded to with a sigh

he certainly wasn’t going to propose because others told him he needed to

the next time it crossed his mind was when he started a new game that his fans had recommended he play

it was a romance game which wasn’t his usual go-to genre, but it had incredible reviews and created a storm in the gaming world so he thought he might as well check it out

through the game he got to witness an endearing story of a couple that went at odds to be together

the story delved into their married life and all the little things they enjoyed together through the years

he didn’t really want to admit it, but it did make him feel a little emotional

he saw himself and you in the characters, as if he was watching his own life play out on his screen

every now and then you and Kenma played some games together so you could spend time with him and he could show you want had been interesting him lately, so he decided to show you this game

you thought it was adorable, so heartwarming yet a little sad at points, but you had always been a little more outwardly emotional then Kenma

“imagine if we got married haha, how cute would that be!” you gushed out in the moment without thinking as you played

“eh...I guess” it wasn’t really the answer you were hoping for, but at least he didn’t sound utterly disgusted by the thought

you continued to play with him for a while, tucked into his side and making comments every now and then

a particular endearing part was plating on the screen and your eyes shone as they fixated on the characters

he could tell by the glassy look that you were getting a little affected by the story, but you looked so cute

the way your lip pouted ever so slightly, and how you gripped at his hoodie, as if to steady yourself

he had a sudden rush of adoration for you, he really did love you and the last couple years of you living together had been wonderful, how he got to wake up beside you, do daily chores with you, how you supported him in his many careers

“Maybe we should get married,” he blurted out, you whipped your head towards him so fast you almost got whiplash

“Are you...proposing?” you questioned, with somewhat of a laugh in your voice

“huh...looks like I am.”

Sugawara:

Sugawara was sensible, mature, a little bit of a tease and sometimes chaotic if Daichi wasn’t watching but also traditional

he had often thought about what it would be like to grow up, get married and have a family

it wouldn’t take long before he knew he wanted to marry you, even throughout the 3 years you had already been together he had daydreamed about marrying you more times than he could count

from all the memories you had together, all the times you helped enough other in rough patches and the learning the two of you wanted to continue in the future had him certain that he wanted you beside him forever

so he set out his plan

he took his old teammates, Daichi and Asahi with him on a hunt to find the perfect ring

Daichi was there to keep him in check and calm his nerves, although Asahi was probably the most nervous and Asahi had a great eye for stylish, beautiful pieces due to his designing career

now it was time to plan

he didn’t want it to be crazy, but he wanted it to be something, a whole event in itself

so he scheduled a meal for the two of you and some of your friends

it was at quite a fancy restaurant in the evening and your group had its own secluded table at the back, surrounded with dividers from the rest of the restaurant

all of you spent the meal catching up and laughing, but Sugawara seemed a little quieter than usual

you had asked him if he was ok, but he just replied with an ‘of course!’ and a smile, so you let it be

Asahi was shaking but you put that off to general anxiety

you guys had ordered desserts and everyone had gotten theirs first

as the waiter brought yours over, the table went silent

the waiter came from your left, Sugawara on your right, so you had looked over as he came

as he set the plate down, you noticed the words spelled out in chocolate sauce 

“Will you marry me?” 

you gasped and turned towards Sugawara, who was now on one knee next to you, holding out an open ring box

“I have known for so long that I wanted to marry you. You’re beautiful, smart, courageous and so loving, and I want to have you by my side forever. I promise I will continue to grow as your partner and take care of you every step of the way, so, will you marry me?”

Kageyama:

the only thing in this boy’s brain is you and volleyball, its all his one braincell can cope with

that being said, he has never once thought about marriage

his whole life he has spend all his energy and focus on becoming a better player, the best setter he possibly can and standing on the court longer

but you were the first person to get him, to understand him and accept him as is while helping him improve and grow

you helped him to open up and communicate with people better

you helped him whenever he was frustrated with volleyball and a certain play he was working tirelessly on

you never once turned your back on him when he struggled or lost his temper

you were his partner, but it was different from a volleyball partner

he cared for you, every part of you, and always wanted to know if you were ok or spend time with you

you made him genuinely smile everyday and he knew that he wanted to be your partner for life

it came about when he was hanging out with Hinata on one of their rare days off to catch up

he had been talking about you constantly, expressing how much he loved you and adored you

“Why don’t you just marry them?” Hinata questioned with his held tilted, as if it was obvious

“w-what? Hinata boke!” he shouted as his face grew red and pushed Hinata aside

the two talked about it and Kageyama decided, very bashfully, that yeah, he should just marry you

but how does he ask you that?

he knew nothing about marriage or proposals, so he spend the next few weeks asking his friends, teammates, even his coach on how to propose to you

“Take them to an expensive restaurant!”

“Wouldn’t it be cute to propose in Disneyland??”

“Well, I proposed to my partner by sending them on a scavenger hunt”

he was bombarded with ideas, but none of them seemed right

none of them seemed like him

he was getting frustrated with the pressure of coming up with a good way to ask you to be his forever, it had to be perfect, it had to be special and it had to fit with your relationship

you noticed he was getting agitated a lot more recently, he was quieter and snapped more often, he stayed back later at the gym to train and he rarely ate dinner with you anymore

whenever you asked what the problem was, he replied with an ‘it’s nothing’ and stormed off

his teammates had noticed too and were less than pleased with his attitude as it affected their gameplay

one of his teammates had begged you to come to the gym and talk some sense into him when he started continuously overworking himself

it was 7pm when you set off from your house to the gym where he was still training

as you entered, you noticed that he was the only one here, hitting serve after serve that never seemed to land right

“Tobio,” you called out

“Baby,” you tried again but you couldn’t catch his attention from his deep focus on the ball

you walked over to him and lightly grabbed his arm, stopping him from serving the ball again

“Tobio, what’s wrong? Everyone is worried about you. Are you having trouble with a play? Because we can sort that out with your coach-”

he cut you off by mumbling something under his breath, much too quiet for you to hear

“What was that?” 

“I want to ask you to marry me and I don’t know how,” he said louder this time, his eyes staring at the ball in his hand as he gripped it tightly

“O-oh, right...” you were stunned, speechless, this wasn’t something you thought you would hear from him

“Everyone’s been telling me how to do it, but none of them seem right,” his voice was low and his gaze still hadn’t let the ball

you put a finger under his chin and lifted his face towards you

“It doesn’t need to be what everyone else tells you, we can do things our own way,” you tried to comfort him with a smile and he simply stared back at you

“So go on then,” you were beaming at him by now, yet his face got even tighter with confusion

“Go on, ask me to marry you.”

his jaw hung wide open, his eyes seemed to be staring into your skull like he had seen a ghost, this is certainly not what he expected

he tried to speak a couple times, stumbling on his words as they got caught in his throat

“It’s ok, take your time,” you brushed your thumb over the back of his hand as you held it, encouraging him to continue

“w-will you....will...willyoumarryme?”

BONUS: you two picked out a ring together afterwards, this boy has no sense of style, don’t trust him by himself

Kuroo:

Kuroo had jokingly asked you to marry time multiple times throughout your relationship

the first couple times ended with you being a blushing mess while he teased you

but by now you just tell him to shut up go off sis

marrying you had always been part of the plan for him, just a natural progression of your relationship

while Kuroo can be quite the tease, he was extremely serious of his relationship with you and your future

he started off his plan by asking your dad if he would like to spend the day together, you know, father-son-in-law bonding time

what your dad wasn’t prepared for was Kuroo to turn up in a shirt, suit trousers and confess how he wanted to marry you

he had a whole speech prepared about how he would be the best husband for you, how he would be sure to take good care of you and, possibly, be the best father in the future if you planned to have children

you dad had to eventually shut him up as Kuroo kept going, saying how he would be delighted to have you marry the man

step one: check

now he needed to find the right ring

he had a look around at multiple stores but he couldn’t find anything that was unique enough to be called yours and that captured you or your relationship

since Kuroo had quite the high-paying job plus a little backing from a certain famous youtuber so the cost wasn’t an issue and he wanted to spoil you

so he got one custom made

he sat with a designer for hours creating the most stunning, distinctive ring that he knew you would love

step two: check

over the next couple days he planned a meet-up evening with your family and his where he would pop the question

you both had spent the day cooking and preparing for the evening before they all come to your house

you had all finished dinner and moved over to the living room to chat

Amidst all the chatter, Kuroo stood up and cleared his throat, grabbing everyone’s attention

“I have something I’d like to say,” he said with confidence, then turning to you with a grin

“The last few years with you have been perfect. We’ve had some ups and downs, but we have made so many amazing memories together. You really are my other half and I think everyday about how truly lucky I am to call you mine. You know me better than anyone else. I know I’ve asked you this a couple times in the past when we’re laughing together, but this time I’m serious,”

he got down on one knee, holding one of your hands while presenting the custom ring in the other

“will you do me the honour of marrying me?”

and the crowd goes wild

Tagging @togasknifes so she can read Kageyama ty ly

[naughtyneganjdm]

The Guest - Chapter 28

Summary: As the world turns to chaos, Joel & Y/N desperately try to get to Negan while Negan is dealing with everything that is going on with Lucille.

Characters: Negan, the reader (OC), Joel, Lucille, etc.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, blood, killing, etc. 

Notes:  Please make sure to read the notes at the end of this chapter. It's kind of important for the ending, so once you're done be sure to read those!

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20333263/chapters/70098489

“I really would rather you let me go with you,” Joel proclaimed walking into the bathroom as Y/N got ready to go see Negan. It was almost noon and that was the time she had agreed to meet Negan today at the home they shared together before Lucille had gotten sick. “I know that this is something that he asked you to do and you want to do it alone, but after what happened the other day…I don’t think you should be alone. I can wait in the car or something.”

“Joel, I’m going to the house and then I am coming straight home. I promise you that,” Y/N muttered, setting her brush down while looking at him in the mirror. His green-hazel eyes were locked on hers and it was clear that he was uncomfortable with this. “I will text you when I’m there and I will text you when I’m leaving. Just finish packing everything up for tomorrow. Soon, we’ll be at your cabin and everything will be fine. It will just be the four of us and we won’t have to worry about everyone else.”  

“I know. I just can’t help, but worry about you,” Joel moved in behind her while she stood in front of the mirror. The warmth of him near her caused her to smile and she leaned back into his chest when she felt his arms wrapping loosely around her. Joel’s hands slid carefully in over the small swell of her abdomen and she lowered her hands to caress over his. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you or the baby.”

“We’ll be okay,” she promised with a sigh when the sensation of his lips teasing over the side of her neck was felt. Closing her eyes tightly, she took in the warmth of him and giggled when the roughness of his short beard teased over her skin. “I’m tough as nails.”

“You certainly are,” Joel agreed with a laugh. “Are you ready to tell him about the baby?”

“It’s time,” she insisted with a nod, knowing that she had beat around the bush more than she should have. It was obvious she was pregnant at this point and Negan would be living with them now. It would be extremely hard for her to continue to hide it. It would also be wrong not to tell him. She already felt bad enough about everything. If she didn’t have Joel to help her through all of this, she was certain that the world would have swallowed her whole. “I love you Joel.”

“I love you too sweetheart,” Joel assured her, nuzzling his nose against the inside of her neck before pulling back slowly. Y/N turned in his arms to face him and reached out to cup his face. “Just keep me updated. I’ll make sure to close things up here and finish getting all that we need.”

“Sounds good,” she tipped up on her toes to kiss over Joel’s lips. She took her time, knowing that it was nice to have someone who worried about her like Joel did. Even if she may have thought he was a little too nervous about everything that was going on, she appreciated the gesture that he wanted to keep both her and Negan safe. “I’ll be back soon.”

“And I’ll be waiting,” Joel muttered moving out of the restroom. When they made it to the living room, she watched him turn on the television to put the news on.

“You probably shouldn’t be watching that because you are already nervous enough,” she reminded him and Joel gave her a worried expression. The last few days she had managed to convince him to leave the television off. Grudgingly, he agreed to it, but it was clear that it didn’t help him calm down. “If it makes you feel better, that’s one thing, but I think the news has you tense since the thing with Negan happened.”

“Well, I promise as soon as we make it to the cabin tomorrow…I’ll ease up on the news,” Joel took a seat on the arm of the couch to watch what they were saying. “It’s almost noon. You should probably get going.”

“Love you,” she brushed her fingers through his hair before sliding her palm down the side of his face to tease her fingertips through the rough hair covering his face. Stealing another kiss from him, she sighed heavily and shrugged her shoulders. “I’d be lost without you.”

“The feeling is mutual honey,” Joel whispered against her lips, closing his eyes while she slowly kissed him over and over again.

“I’ll be back,” she squeezed at his hands in a supportive grasp and backed away slowly. Giving him a wink, she headed for the door and left for the house she had been living with Negan in previously.

There was an incredible amount of pressure she felt on the way over to the house. Guilt was the number one thing she was feeling. For so long she kept the pregnancy from Negan because of what Lucille asked of her. Undoubtedly, she thought Negan would be mad at her for not telling him. It was something he deserved to know and now she knew that. She just wondered if it would be something she would blurt out immediately or something she would wait to say. It scared her to know what his response to it would be. It was either going to go really bad or really good depending on how he was probably feeling.

When she got to the house it was disappointing to see that Negan wasn’t there yet, but the best thing she could do was go in and start grabbing the things that she thought they may need at the cabin. She also pulled some boxes from the garage and began to pack up some of the things she was certain that they could just put into storage. Knowing that she was pregnant, she wasn’t trying to pack anything too heavy just in case. It was best that she could help any way that she could though. There was no reason to put all of the moving on Negan’s shoulders after everything he had gone through.

When she made it to the mantle, she reached for the photo that was on top of it of the two of them together. Dragging her thumb over the side of the picture frame, she couldn’t help feeling an incredible amount of sadness while looking at it. There were genuine smiles and happiness in the picture making her think about what they had before it all fell to shit. The way she felt about Negan was so pure and so real in the past. She would have done anything for him then because he was her everything. In her life, Y/N would probably never feel the kind of love she had for Negan again. He was her first and it had felt like it would be the end of the world if she had lost him. There was no doubt that Negan was her world back then. Everything back then seemed easier and as close to perfect as possible. It took some bad things happening for her to realize that her relationship with Negan wasn’t as perfect as she always thought it was. Waking up to reality hurt, but she knew that she loved Negan and that was never going to leave her.

Reaching for the bag she brought with her, she put the frame in there. She knew that wasn’t something she absolutely needed to bring with her, but she wanted it. Having something that showed their original happiness together was something she felt she needed and wanted. Having proof that something was perfect for them would serve as a good reminder.

After a while of going through things she started to notice that it was quite a while past noon and she wasn’t hearing from Negan. Pulling out her phone, she tried calling Negan to see if he would be coming soon and didn’t get a response. Instead of worrying, she just imagined that Negan was still preparing to leave with Lucille and sent him a text as well.

Taking her time, she grabbed some of the things she knew she wanted from the house. When she stepped outside the sound of someone screaming caught her attention and she looked across the street to see that the neighbors seemed to be in a fight. It seemed to be a very physical fight and she didn’t know how to react to seeing it. The husband had the wife pinned down to the grass. It was strange because in all the time living there, they didn’t seem like those kind of people.

“Hey,” Y/N called out, clutching to her bag that was beside her. Keeping her mouth shut and moving on may have been the better choice in this whole situation due to her being pregnant, but she couldn’t just let this continue to happen. “That’s enough, let her go.”

The neighbor continued to ignore her and she could hear the wife pleading for help before making a strange sound, “Let her go! I’m going to call the cops if you…”

Y/N found herself going silent when she saw the man lift his head and turn to look over his shoulder at her. What she saw caused Y/N to stop dead in her tracks. The man’s lower face was covered in blood and it made her stomach immediately turn. Looking beneath him, she could see that it looked like the husband had been biting on the woman’s face.

“What the hell?” she backstepped away from him, reaching for her cellphone that was in her pocket. Slowly the man began to rise and she held her hand up in the air as if warning him to stay back. “I’m calling the police.”

An overwhelming sense of fear flooded through her as a long line of blood dripped from the man’s lips and there seemed to be pieces of flesh hanging from his mouth. This was a man she had met several times in the past and she was absolutely certain that his eyes were brown, but there was a blue-white tint to his eyes that made her nervous.

In the distance something sounded like an explosion and it made her jump. It pulled her attention away from the man for only a second when she saw the smoke. Moving backwards, she noticed the neighbor making his way toward her and she headed slowly toward the car.

“Stay back,” she muttered again, but her warnings did nothing as he continued to advance her. Attempting to grab the keys, Y/N watched the man lunge at her and she moved quick enough toward the other end of the car so she could use the car to her advantage. “Listen, I don’t know what’s wrong with you…”

A growl erupted from the man’s throat and she quickly moved around the car when he moved for her again. Bracing her hand against the car she now noticed at the corner of her eye that the woman the man had been attacking started rising to her feet. There were large amounts of flesh missing from her face to the point that she could see her teeth from the gaps in flesh.

“Fuck me…” Y/N scrambled back toward the house when the woman began making her way over toward the house where she was. Just when she reached the door a gasp fell from her throat when she felt a force grabbing a hold of her ankle making her fall to the ground. Thankfully she was able to brace her fall on her hands so the fall didn’t affect her body. Just beyond her, there was a small shovel that she had been using to garden the last time she was living at the house. Reaching for it, she felt the weight of the man moving over her and she swung her hand back managing to hit the man in the face with the small shovel. It caused the man to jolt back, but almost immediately he turned to look at her and she could see she caused a massive gash over the side of his face, but it didn’t affect him at all.

“Hey!” she heard the next-door neighbor scream out when Y/N braced her hand firmly over the center of the man’s chest when he attempted to pin her down and his wife was approaching. Was this the virus that Joel had heard about on the news? The man next door had drawn the attention of the wife and she watched the wife take off after the man. What the hell was happening? “Get off!”

Trying to use all the power she had in her body, she pushed as hard as she could into the center of the man’s chest, but he was overpowering her. The blood from his lips was dripping onto her clothes and his mouth snapped over and over again. He was trying to bite her just like he had done his wife. If she reached for the shovel again, she wouldn’t be able to brace him away from her so she felt like she was stuck in this position. Desperately she wanted to overpower him, but no matter how hard she tried, she felt him continue to lower in closer to her.

In the distance she could hear the neighbor that attempted to help her screaming. Obviously, he was being attacked just as she was, but it didn’t sound like he was better off. The man was getting exceedingly close to her and there was nothing she could do to stop him. The sound of him snapping his teeth together every time he attempted to bite her caused her to flinch.

“Stop!” Y/N attempted to scream out and just when it seemed like the man was going to overpower her completely the sound of loud clank filled the air. The power of the man above her weakened and she managed to shove him off of her and to the ground. Immediately someone was reaching for her and pulled her quickly to her feet.

“Get behind me,” Joel’s thick southern accent filled the air as he clung tightly to the tire iron that he had hit the man in the head with to get him off of her. Y/N grasped tightly to Joel as the man he had hit with the tire iron slowly began to get up. There were growls coming from his throat and when the man lunged at them again Joel swung the tire iron once more bashing the man upside the head. It caused the man to hit the ground hard and Joel’s chest was rising and falling heavily when he looked down at the man.

“Joel,” she called out to him seeing him looking to the man he had just attacked. The tire iron he had used to hit the man was covered in flesh and blood from the strength of the hit that Joel had delivered. There was a sense of shock over Joel’s face because it was clear he had just killed the man that had attempted attacking her. “Joel!”

“We uh…” Joel lifted his head, finally clearing his throat when he took notice in the distance that multiple people now seemed to be being attacked. Joel moved before her in a protective stance and he nodded toward the house. “Where is Negan?”

“He’s not here,” she answered with a worried breath and Joel reached for her hand. Desperately she reached for the bag she had dropped as Joel began to lead her toward the SUV he had brought while still clinging tightly to the tire iron in his other hand. “Joel, we have to wait for Negan.”

“Sweetheart, the only reason I’m here is because there is some really bad shit going on and the news is what told me about it. All you have to do is look around right now to see how bad it is. We can’t sit here and wait for Negan,” Joel insisted moving her to the passenger’s side of the SUV while hurriedly moving and trying to pay attention to the environment around them. When he got her in the car, he immediately closed the door and ran to the driver’s side. Looking in the back, she saw that Joel had put Ghost there when he left the house. Once Joel was in the car, he set the tire iron down by her feet and then began to fumble with his seatbelt. There was no doubt that he was panicked, but he was doing his best to stay calm, likely for her. “We need to get the fuck out of here right now Y/N. People are being attacked everywhere; they are saying people are sick. That this disease is causing people to come back from the dead.”

“What?” she blurt out with a confused sound. The idea of that was ridiculous, but Joel threw his bloody hand up in the air. “They are dead? How is that possible.”

“You know, I really didn’t stick around to listen to the how. I just got my ass over here and I reckon it was great that I did,” Joel’s nervous southern twang made her realize how all along Joel was right to be scared and nervous. There was nothing but regret when it hit her how wrong she was to make him feel like it was ridiculous for his worries and fears.

The sound of something hitting the side of the SUV was heard and Joel looked to see the woman from across the street hitting at the door over and over again. Loud barks and growls were heard from the back seat from Ghost as it scared him and it made their dog go immediately into protective mode. Blood was smearing over the window as Joel fumbled with the keys to get the SUV started up.

“Ghost,” Joel reached out to try and touch the dog to keep him calm while working with getting the hell out of there. Ghost instead focused on the immediate threat and continued to growl at the woman outside the car. Y/N’s heart was pounding inside of her chest, reaching to clasp to the tire iron that Joel had thrown beside her feet. If someone were to get in, she would have to think fast, but a breath of relief filled the air when Joel got the engine started.

“We need to find Negan,” she demanded taking in the scenery around her. With seeing so many people getting attacked, her first thought was how unprotected he would be while being at the hospital.

“Baby, this is happening everywhere,” Joel informed her, recalling the information that he did manage to catch from the news. Immediately, he put the SUV in reverse and pulled out of the driveway so fast that it caused the woman to drag while she was grasping to the car. When Joel slammed on the breaks, it was enough for the woman’s grip to release on the door and she rolled into the middle of the street. Joel stopped long enough to see the woman slowly rise in the middle of the street. The fact that half her face was just about missing, yet she still kept coming made this feel like a horrible nightmare. Something you would only see from the movies. Joel slammed on the gas and plowed through the woman which caused Y/N to let out nervous yelp when the car bounced as they rolled over the woman. Joel tried to keep a straight face while he drove down the street, but she could see that his arms were shaking. “I’m getting you and the baby to that cabin. This is happening everywhere. As soon as I heard what was happening, I got in the SUV to come and find you. I almost didn’t make it to you Y/N. I left the address on the refrigerator door with his name on a note. If he comes looking for us, he’ll probably see the note.”

“We’re getting Negan,” Y/N repeated her words making Joel glance over at her from the driver’s seat. There was a sense of panic flooding his body and a look in his eyes that she had never seen before. Joel was always her strength, so the fact that he was scared meant something big. While she knew he was scared, she couldn’t just leave Negan. Not after everything that happened. “We can’t just leave him Joel. I don’t know what’s going on, but this…this is…”

“Feels a whole hell of a lot like a horrible fucking movie,” Joel answered, clinging tightly to the steering wheel. “People are eating people Y/N! We need to get to the cabin immediately. No on is there. It will be safe and we can lock ourselves in until someone gets this all figured out. You were almost killed.”

“Joel, I love you, but I’m not letting Negan stay here,” Y/N reiterated reaching for her phone again to attempt to call Negan.

“Y/N, he’s at the hospital. If he’s not here and he’s not answering his phone, there is a good chance that…” Joel cleared his throat uneasily and he let out a nervous sound. “I don’t want to think like this Y/N, but there is a strong change he’s not here anymore.”

“Don’t say that. Negan is alive and we’ll find him. You need to go to the hospital,” she felt her heart pounding inside of her chest at the very suggestion that Negan might be dead. “We can’t leave without him.”

“The hospital is probably the most dangerous place to go right now,” Joel tried to insist again giving her a quick look before returning his eyes to the road. There was panic and worry in her eyes. Her whole body was tense and he knew that she was worried about Negan. More than anything, he wanted to put her first. She was what was important. While he loved and cared for Negan, he knew that going to the hospital would put Y/N in danger, but she was hearing none of it. His jaw flexed and he slammed his eyes shut. There was no way she was going to let him leave without then trying to find Negan.  “Okay…okay. We’ll go get Lucille and Negan, but as soon as we get them…we’re leaving.”

“As long as we have them,” Y/N felt her bottom lip trembling as she continued to try to call Negan over and over again. With him not answering his phone, she found herself scared. Scared that something actually did happen to him. Joel was right. If he wasn’t at the house and he wasn’t answering his phone, there was a big chance that he wasn’t here anymore. God, she hoped that wasn’t the case.

Taking notice of the mayhem that was going on around them, Joel wasn’t wrong. It looked like the world was ending. How had she been this completely oblivious to the world around them? While she hadn’t left the house in a while until today, she never took the time to even acknowledge what might be happening.

This whole time she thought Joel was kind of being ridiculous with how nervous he had been, but outside the SUV seemed like a horror movie that was taking place. Had she been so stuck inside of herself that she was actually missing that all of this was happening?

Clasping tightly to her phone, she looked to Joel and saw that he was still tremoring. The expression on his face looked like he was mortified and she reached out to place her hand over his thigh to give it a firm squeeze, “Are you okay?”

“I just killed a man Y/N and I’m sure I killed the woman I ran over,” Joel retorted with a nervous look, taking notice of the blood splatter that was over his hands and arms. “I mean…I’d do it all over again to keep you safe, but…I don’t know what to think. I killed two people.”

“They were going to kill me Joel,” she reminded him, reaching across the SUV to caress over the side of his face. Joel’s face was pale and he let out a shuddering exhale. “You did what you had to in order to keep me safe. You also just said these people were dead Joel. I know that’s hard to understand because I don’t even get it, but maybe they were already dead.”

“I know, I know…” Joel nodded trying to shake the feeling that he had from killing the person that had attempted to hurt Y/N. “I’ve just seen three people die recently and two at my own hands. This is just…a lot to take in.”

“Baby, I’m not sure that we could consider them alive in the first place,” she repeated trying to keep him in the right headspace so he didn’t have a meltdown over what he had done. Right now, they had to find Lucille and Negan. Negan was the father of her baby and even though she was head over heels for Joel, she still loved Negan too. They couldn’t leave him. They had to at least try to find him. “We’ll get Lucille and Negan. After we find them, we’ll go to the cabin and we will stay there for however long this needs to pass over. Everything is going to be okay.”

There was a fear that what she was saying was wrong. She wasn’t sure what she was going to find when they got to the hospital. All she knew is that she needed to find Negan and he needed to be okay. She had to convince herself that everything would be fine on their ride over to the hospital. Over and over again, she thought it to herself. They would get to the hospital, grab Lucille and Negan, then go to the cabin. That’s just had to be how it was going to be. If she thought anything else, she may have fallen apart and that’s not what they needed to happen.

----

Leaning forward in the hard-plastic seat he was in; Negan had his eyes locked on Lucille. The hospital had her on a ventilator to help her keep breathing after she had ended up in a coma. When she became unresponsive the day before, Negan had thought the worst. He felt blessed to still have her here with him but having her like this broke him. It seemed like the hospital thought there wasn’t much hope to have in Lucille waking up, but Negan didn’t want to believe it.

“Hey beautiful,” Negan spoke, reaching out to grab a soft hold of Lucille’s hand thinking back to the conversation they were having before she became unresponsive. Swallowing down hard, he prayed that she would wake up. That somehow, she would manage to be able to pull through and be able to live just a bit longer to be with him. He wasn’t ready to say goodbye to her yet. It was too soon. “You gotta open those beautiful green eyes for me. I love you so much.”

Getting choked up in the moment, Negan had his eyes hooked closely on Lucille hoping that maybe talking to God would actually help him. At least this once. He didn’t get to say goodbye. He didn’t get to do so many things that he wanted to with Lucille and this was so extremely hard. Lifting up enough, he pressed a kiss over her temple and felt tears burning at his eyes.

“I need you to know that you are everything to me,” Negan whispered in her ear, squeezing his hand firmly around hers. “I’m not perfect…I never was. Fuck, I’m a piece of dog shit in comparison to the rest of the world. You deserved so much better than me…so much better than this.”

Negan caressed his rough hand over her bald head feeling the warmth of his tears sliding down the side of his face. His body was shaking uncontrollably and he was at a complete loss of how to handle everything going on. For so long he tried to coach himself for a moment like this, but when it actually happened, he found himself losing control. Nothing could ever prepare someone for something like this.

“Did I do this to you? Is this my fault? Did God do this to me to punish me for all the wrongs I’ve done?” Negan almost whispered, pulling her hand up to his lips so he could deposit a kiss over the back of her hand. “If I would have been with you and not off screwing around, could we have found this cancer sooner? Would we have been able to catch it so it didn’t come to this? If I hadn’t upset you so damn much with my actions would you have been strong enough to fight this?”

Negan let the what ifs swallow him whole in his thoughts. More than anything he blamed himself for all of this. This was everything Lucille asked him not to do in blaming himself, but he couldn’t help it, “Baby, you have to beat this. Please…”

There were sounds of crashing outside the hospital room and Negan looked over his shoulder toward the door that was closed. People were being loud and Negan swallowed down hard while keeping Lucille’s hand still firmly in his. Truthfully, Negan didn’t care what was going on out there, but it sounded like a warzone. Whatever was going on, he had to drown it out and keep his focus on Lucille.

Turning his attention back to Lucille, it didn’t take long before the hospital door slammed open and a young male nurse was standing at the door breathing heavily. Negan looked over at the man, seeing the panic that was flooding his features.

“Sir! We’ve evacuated the hospital. This area is not safe! You need to come with me so we can get you out of here,” the nurse was breathless and Negan let out a disgusted breath, looking to Lucille who was still in the same state she was before.

“What? Why the hell would you do that?” Negan snapped, sliding in closer to Lucille’s hospital bed and he shook his head. If they needed to evacuate, what could be done to help Lucille? Why weren’t there more people to help them get Lucille out of there? “What can we do to help get her out of here?”

“You don’t understand mister! Have you not seen what’s going on out there?” the nurse desperately reached for Negan’s wrist and Negan powerfully pulled himself away from the man. “She is too sick to move. We can’t take her with us. There is nothing we can do for her.”

“Fuck that! What kind of hospital suggests leaving their sickest patients behind?” Negan snapped with a scowl pulling himself away from the younger man as the man tried to get Negan to come with him. What exactly was going on anyways that made the male nurse want to pull Negan away and leave behind Lucille anyways? “I’m not fucking leaving my wife.”

“You have to understand this is very serious. You could die!” the man blurt out in desperation trying to draw Negan toward him. Swatting the man’s hand away from him, Negan was having none of it.

“Get your fucking hands off of me! I’m staying here with Lucille. I’m not leaving her; do you understand me?” Negan snapped and the younger man stepped back from Negan with a disappointed, yet terrified look. “She needs me. More than ever and I’m not going to abandon her.”

“Fine, but I am telling you, it’s not safe here anymore sir,” the nurse explained with a shake of his head and he looked back into the hallway where there was still clearly drama happening by the loud sounds filling the air, but Negan wasn’t even sure what was happening. “Save yourself.”

The sound of an explosion went off as soon as the nurse left and Negan flinched looking toward the window of the hospital to see that there was smoke outside of the window. Immediately the smell filled the air and Negan let out a tense breath. Getting up slowly, he moved over toward the window and saw that one of the cars outside the hospital had been set on fire.

“Fuck…” Negan swallowed down seeing the large groups of people seemingly chasing after those that were outside the hospital. There were roars, screams and growling that suddenly reminded him of what he had seen with Joel the other day. From below one of the people looked up toward the window he was at and their eyes connected with Negan’s. They were pale blue-white and Negan could feel his heart pounding inside of his chest. “Those people…there is something wrong with them just like the other day.”

Another loud crashing sound was heard and Negan jumped looking to see that the door was left open from when the nurse had left. People were running down the hallways and Negan could see blood actually staining the floors from some that were running. Stepping closer to the door, he could see a teenage boy stopping when he spotted Negan there.

“Run man! Run,” the boy suggested and Negan grasped tightly to the door. Slamming the door shut, Negan braced his body in front of the door and felt his heart pounding. The adrenaline was flooding through his body and he didn’t know what the hell was happening.

“Fuck? What the fuck?” Negan surveyed the hospital room and knew that he had to keep both him and Lucille safe. Scrambling to the dresser they had in the hospital room, he pushed it in front of the door. It caused the television that was on top of the dresser to fall over and shatter against the floor, but he didn’t care. He had to keep them safe and that’s exactly what he was going to do.

----

Glancing over at Joel, Y/N watched him fumbling with the radio and when he fell upon a news channel, she could hear that the newscaster was talking about the dead coming back to life. They mentioned people who got bit were turning into these angry mobs that were attacking others. This had to be a bad dream. This was too much to comprehend.

Letting out an overwhelmed breath, she lowered her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. Joel noticed her discomfort and reached out to squeeze over her knee supportively. Joel was fucking terrified and it was clear by the expression over his features. He didn’t know how to respond to all of this happening, but he was trying to be strong for her.

As the newscaster spoke over the radio, Y/N felt the world spinning around her. This all sounded like a joke, but as she lifted her head to see their surroundings, she knew this was real. This wasn’t some elaborate joke; the world was falling apart and some strange infection had caused all of this to be happening from what it sounded like.

When the name of the hospital that Negan was at with Lucille was mentioned, Joel quickly turned the radio up. They announced that it was being evacuated because of the immense amounts of people being infected and attacked. Joel swallowed down hard, his eyes lowering as he tried to take in that kind of information.

“If he was being evacuated, he would have told me, right?” Y/N tried to reason with Joel and Joel nodded. Instead of letting his fear eat away at him, Joel continued to drive toward the hospital knowing that he thought this would lead to a poor discovery, but he was going to do what he could to help get Negan. “He has to still be there.”

Joel said nothing, just continued to speed to the hospital and avoid the traffic accidents as well as the people that were clearly infected trying to get to them. When they finally pulled before the hospital, Joel stopped the car seeing all of the dead bodies that covered the front lawn. The fear that flooded Y/N’s face upon seeing it made Joel tense up. This was already not looking good.

“Keep your eyes open, let me know if you see him,” Joel prayed to God that Negan wasn’t one of the bodies out there. Continuing on their trail, Joel pulled further into the parking lot, but spotted a group of what he assumed to be the infected and he slowed down. There was another car making its way through the parking lot which seemed to catch the groups attention. Immediately the mob made an attack on the car, jumping on top of it to try and get the person that was inside. “Fuck, fuck…”

“Joel, what are we going to do?” she was desperate for an answer as Joel pulled off onto the grass and they heard the sound of another explosion. In the rearview mirror they could see a fire and Joel drove around the hospital until he found a smoking entrance where the workers would go out back. Joel took a look around, thankful to see that this was a place that didn’t seem to have many people near it. “Joel?”

“Listen to me,” Joel reached for the tire iron that by Y/N’s feet and he grabbed a hold of it. “I’m going to go in there. I’m going to take the stairs to try and see if I can find Lucille and Negan. If I find them, I’m going to bring them back with me. If I don’t come back and someone comes after you, you take the car and you get the hell out of here. Do you hear me?”

“I’m not going to let you go alone,” she refused his suggestion as he leaned over her and popped the glove compartment open. When he opened it, she saw a handgun there and Joel reached for it to give it to her. “What the hell?”

“Do you know how to use this?” Joel reached for the gun knowing that the safety was still on and he undid it to make sure it would be ready to use in case she needed it. Nodding toward the gun, he needed to know her answer and he could see that she was turning pale. “It’s pretty simple, it’s just kind of a point and shoot thing.”

“Joel, I’m not leaving you go in there alone,” she refused, lowering the gun down while reaching with her other hand to hook it around the back of his neck. Urging him in closer to her, she met his lips in a desperate kiss and heard Joel let out a frustrated sound. “I’m coming with you.”

“I can’t let you do that Y/N. If someone bites you or someone hurts you…” Joel refused her offer, his voice coming out scared and shaken. “I have to do this on my own. I will find him for you. I promise. If he is in there, I will find him, but if I don’t come back…”

“Joel, don’t say that,” she shook her head trying to hush him and Joel bit down firmly on his bottom lip. “We’re doing this together.”

“We can’t Y/N! You are pregnant and we have to keep that baby safe,” Joel insisted with a firm tone and she threw her hands up in the air.

“If I can’t defend myself and my baby now, then I never will be able to,” she pointed out with an angered breath, looking around to make sure that the two of them were still okay at this point. “You need me, I need you. The best thing we can do is stick together. Separating puts the two of us at a greater risk.”

“But with the car…” Joel responded with a loud exhale and she threw her hands up, still keeping her fingers tightly grasped to the gun. Swiftly Joel reached out to get her to lower hand that the gun was in and he gave her nervous head tilt. “Watch where you wave that sweetheart. I took the safety off.”

“Joel, we just saw someone get attacked in their car. It didn’t help. I wouldn’t leave you…” she muttered, her eyes tearing over while she looked out at him. “I can’t lose both of the men I have in my life. Please…”

“But Ghost,” Joel looked back over his shoulder to see their young dog in a state of discomfort himself while he kept himself on watch. Ghost was moving from window to window to make sure they were alone and Joel shook his head. “He needs you.”

“Pull into the bushes over there,” Y/N directed and Joel looked over his shoulder to see the area she was talking about near the door. There was a garden there and he couldn’t believe that he was actually going to listen to her, but he did. Turning the SUV back on, he pulled the car where she directed him, hoping to keep it covered enough until they got back. ���Are you ready?”

“Fuck no,” Joel’s southern drawl was higher pitched than normal to show how truly nervous he actually was. “Listen to me before we do this. You stay on my ass. Do you hear me?”

“On your ass,” she repeated with a nod and he shook his head.

“No matter what happens or what you see, do not run ahead of me and do not stay behind,” he continued his rules and she felt her heart pounding. Her pulse was felt in her temple and the world felt like it was spinning around them. “We’re going to take the direct route we did the last time we were here. We’re going to go up the stairs and directly to Lucille’s hospital room. You keep that gun up, you stay on alert. If you see someone, you let me know. Do you understand?”

“I understand,” she immediately responded and Joel closed his eyes. It almost seemed like he was doing a prayer before they went and that was kind of against everything that Joel was. Joel never was big on God and praying after he lost his daughter, but now he clearly thought they needed it.

“Let me get out of the car first, then I will come around for you. Do you understand me?” Joel ordered and she nodded. She wasn’t going to fight him on this. They were doing this to come and get Negan. Joel had a plan and she was going to follow it without bickering. It was better than anything she could have came up with.

Joel looked around the area to make sure they were alone before he quickly pulled himself from the car. Cautiously Joel walked around the SUV and looked around the area while grasping tightly to the tire iron at his side. When Joel began moving toward her side, she pulled her seatbelt off and looked behind her to see Ghost watching them.

“We’ll be back baby, I promise,” she muttered reaching out to brush her hand in over the side of Ghost’s face. When Joel opened her door, she quickly moved out and kept quiet when Joel raised his hand up to hold a finger over his mouth to tell her to stay silent. When she was out, Joel closed the door behind her and made sure to the lock the doors hoping to keep Ghost safe inside.

Swiftly moving toward the exit that went toward the stairwell, she gasped when they moved into the door to see multiple bodies before them at their feet. They were torn apart and there was blood everywhere. Joel reached out to cover her mouth with his hand when they heard the sound of feet not too far off in the distance. Things were broken, lights were flickering and the halls seemed to be destroyed. How did this all happen so fast?

----

“Jesus,” Negan heard the sounds of the all-out destruction that was clearly going on around them and he kept his head down. With having the dresser in front of the door, he hoped that would be enough to keep him and Lucille safe. Lowering his gaze to Lucille, he felt his chest ache while staring down at her. “I guess it’s probably for the best that you are sleeping through this.”

Looking over his shoulder he thought about the movies he had seen over things like this. There had to be some truth in them, right? Maybe the government would be coming to help. That’s what always happened, right? Negan didn’t even know what he would consider was happening, but this had to be something the military would come in and fix. They would likely end the terror that these people were causing and fix what was going on.

“This should all be over by the time you wake up,” Negan began to mutter when he looked to the heart monitor to see that it was flat lining and he felt his heart skip in his chest. Pulling himself forward, he prayed this was just a malfunction with the machine because of what was happening at the hospital. Scrambling to his feet, he reached out to place his fingertips over the side of her neck in search of her pulse. When he felt nothing, Negan let out a shuddering whimper and he stared down at her Lucille. “No…please…no…”

Negan tried touching Lucille, attempting to shake her awake. When nothing happened and he touched over the side of her neck again he knew that she was gone. She had died.

“No…no…” Negan shook his head over and over again, the pure agony filling his entire body as he began to cry uncontrollably. The overwhelming emotions that he was feeling made him let out a wail. A flush of warmth flooded his body and he felt like in that moment he could die right there. “Lucille…”

Lowering down over her, Negan rest his head against her chest, his fingers grasping tightly to the blanket that was over her body. Sobbing over her, Negan felt his body shaking and he wished like hell this was the worst possible nightmare his mind could come up with…that any moment he would wake up and this would all be fake, but the longer he cried the more he realized that this was reality.

“I’m so…so…fucking sorry,” Negan whimpered lifting his head, reaching out to grab a hold of her hand. It was becoming cool to the touch and Negan felt his bottom lip tremoring while he stared down at the woman he loved. Regret flooded through his body as he stood up, reaching with one of his hands to caress over her forehead. “I love you so much. So very much. I am so sorry…”

Negan didn’t know what to do with himself. What could he do at this point? His world was ending around him, “I promise I will always love you. You didn’t deserve this. You never deserved this. Damn it…I am so sorry…”

Over and over again Negan tried to pull himself from his emotions, but he just felt himself breaking more and more, “You were the answer to my prayers Lucille when I was younger. My dreams came true when I got with you…”

Negan heard the sounds of more screaming outside his window and he let out a sound of dread, “I would give anything for me to be in that position Lucille. I swear I will always love you…I don’t…I don’t know what I’m gonna do. You are my…everything.”

A loud explosion was heard and it drew Negan’s attention as he looked over his shoulder toward the window again that was at the front of the hospital. Moving toward it after releasing Lucille’s hand, Negan saw someone was inside of a car and large mob of the people that had something wrong with them were attacking the car. Watching them pretty much tear the person apart as soon as they got them out of the car, Negan could feel his stomach turning. They tore that car apart like it was nothing and the person they tore through like butter. What the hell was happening?

“Fucking shit…” Negan had his eyes locked on the window as he watched what was happening. Seeing them tearing apart the person had Negan thinking about the other night. Would that have happened to him if Joel wouldn’t have saved his life?

Watching the scene, Negan saw the mob start to eat the parts they pulled apart from the person and Negan let out a disgusted breath. Gagging, Negan reached up to cover his mouth with his hand in an attempt to stop himself from getting sick.

The sound of movement happening behind him drew Negan’s attention away from the window and he looked over his shoulder to see that Lucille’s body was moving. Standing there, his body was frozen in the moment as she reached up for the ventilator to rip it from her mouth and her throat. Blood began to pour from her mouth and her nose and Negan felt the room spinning around him. She struggled in the bed and Negan watched her pull herself too far. The struggle had caused her to fall over the side of the bed, hitting face first against the ground. With how hard she hit, it made Negan jump and immediately stepped forward.

“Lucille?” Negan muttered her name and slowly moved around the bed to see Lucille on the floor before him still seemingly trying to move. There was blood on the floor and instinctively Negan lowered himself attempting to help her. “Lucille? Are you okay? I thought you were—I swore you were—I thought you died.”

Reaching out for her back, Negan caressed his hand in over the center of her back helping to try to get her to her feet. There was a sense of relief that was flooding his body knowing that she was moving, but at the same time he didn’t understand what the fuck was happening.

“Lucille?” he repeated her name and almost immediately her head snapped back to look at him over her shoulder. He could hear her gurgling while almost growling. Stumbling backwards, Negan saw that her eyes were exactly like those that were down in the parking lot that were attacking people as well as just like the man that had attacked him the other day when he was with Joel. Blood covered the lower half of her face and she had chipped a few teeth in the fall. “No…”

Falling on his bottom, Negan was just out of Lucille’s reach as she attempted to reach for his ankle. She was growling, her pale colored eyes staring out at him as she clawed for his ankle. Negan watched from where he was knowing that she couldn’t move her legs since she had been bed bound for weeks. Negan sat sprawled out on the floor motionless while he watched her trying to pull herself toward him.

Turning his body, Negan reached out again for her throat to attempt to feel for a pulse. Her hand grasped at his arm, trying to pull it to her and he still felt no pulse.

“This can’t be real,” Negan refused when he realized there was still no heartbeat. How was she animated while being…dead? “That’s not possible.”

Pulling his hand away, he attempted to move her again, but she snapped her jaws at him making him gasp when she had just missed him, “Lucille, do you remember me? Honey? It’s me…Negan. Your husband.”

Another terrifying growl fell from her throat and Negan realized in that moment this was no longer his wife. She had become whatever everyone else was out there. Tears slid down his face as he watched her like this. This was cruel to do. She deserved so much more than this. She couldn’t even die peacefully. Whatever was happening affected her too and it killed him that this had to happen to her.

Negan reached out to place his hand in over the side of her face and she still attempted to try to bite him. Leaning in, Negan pressed a lingeringt kiss over her forehead and felt his heart broken over what happened, “I am so sorry this happened to you…”

Getting up slowly, Negan continued to watch Lucille attempt to pull herself to him. Tilting his head to the side, Negan didn’t know what to do. Hearing the sound of a vibration, Negan looked beyond Lucille to see that she had knocked his cellphone off the area he had it charging. There was no point in trying to reach for it because if he did Lucille would undoubtedly bite him and get a good chunk out of him.

Throwing his head back, Negan let out a long shallow breath. What was he supposed to do now? When the vibrating continued, Negan looked down to see the phone again and upon seeing Y/N’s name flashing, he realized where he was supposed to be right now.

“Shit…” Negan swallowed hard knowing that he had just lost Lucille and he lowered his head knowing that he was supposed to be meeting Y/N quite some time ago. Back stepping away from Lucille, he felt his heart breaking knowing that this was going to be his goodbye. Having this be his last memory of Lucille was going to stick with him forever and not in a good way. “I love you Lucille. I always will.”

Watching the woman he loved become some sort of monster would haunt his memories for life. Lucille was the last person that deserved something like this and he had no idea what was causing this to happen to people, but he damned the world for letting it happen to her.

Backstepping toward the door, he knew that he had to leave, but it was so hard to say goodbye. Take in a shallow breath, Negan tried to coach him to getting the nerve to leave the room. Turning toward the door, he reached for the dresser knowing that it was now or never. Managing to shove the dresser away that he had pulled in front of the door in the first place, Negan knew he had to make a run for it. Pulling the door open enough, he made it out into the hallway to see that it was covered in blood. It was torn apart and things were absolutely destroyed. In a matter of hours this all seemed to happen and he couldn’t believe it ended up like this.

“Help!” Negan heard the sound of someone screaming out and he looked down the hallway to see the boy he had seen earlier. The boy had managed to bury himself behind one of the gurneys while a woman and a man were attempting to attack him. They reached out for the boy try to claw and scratch their way to him while growling. “Please help!”

“Fucking hell…” Negan dropped his head back knowing that he should have just made a quick escape, but he couldn’t leave the boy. Clutching tightly to the wall he could see that the boy’s eyes were hooked on him, desperate for some kind of escape. Quickly moving for the boy, he reached to grab at the shirt of the woman that was dressed like a nurse. Yanking her back, he shoved her aside and watched her hit the floor hard. The man’s pale eyes hooked on Negan and Negan felt the power of the man shoving him against the wall making him grunt. “Son of a bitch.”

“You have to aim for their heads!” the boy screamed watching Negan attempt to punch the man, but it just kept him coming. “You gotta bust their heads open or they just keep on coming. I’ve seen one get shot five times. It’s the only way!”

“What?” Negan snapped bracing his right arm over the man’s chest letting out an aggravated sound. This all sounded so fucking ridiculous, but he took advantage of what the boy was saying. Using enough strength, he shoved the man forward and reached for the fire extinguisher that was beside him. Quickly whipping it out, he heard the clink it made when it connected with the man’s head. “Fuck!”

Hitting the man over and over again in the head, Negan watched the blood and the guts spray around them. In those moments, he didn’t think about what he was doing. He just did it. It was only when it was over that it hit him what he truly had done. His body was shaking when he carefully pulled himself up from the floor. Before he could even acknowledge what he had done, Negan noticed the nurse begin to approach him again. When she started lunging herself at him, Negan used the power he had to swing the fire extinguisher at her too using the same strength until her body was completely lifeless.

Negan stood there frozen, his breathing heavy finding himself completely mortified. He couldn’t catch his breath. This was all happening so fast and Negan didn’t know what to do. What had he just done to protect this young boy?

“Thanks mister. Are you okay?” the boy called out and Negan looked to his hands seeing that they were covered in blood. His body shook when he realized what he had done and Negan shook his head.

“No, I’m not fucking okay,” Negan snapped feeling his jaw flexing while he thought about what he had done. “I just fucking murdered two people. I’m a fucking murderer…I can’t believe…I don’t…”

“You can’t be a murderer when you killed someone who was already dead man,” the boy spoke up and Negan looked to the boy confused after he had slid down the wall and dropped down to the floor. His body couldn’t comprehend what he had just done and he was absolutely mortified with himself. “These two were dead on the ground when I showed up. You did nothing wrong.”

“I don’t understand,” Negan stammered, his eyes searching the boy’s trying to find rhyme or reason to what was happening. “So, they’re all dead? Their just…mindless monsters now? Not living people that are just sick? They are trying to…”

“Eat us man,” the boy interrupted him with a disgusted sound. “This has been all over the news for days. Hell, weeks if we would have listened to them about the virus and the riots. The dead are taking over mister. Where the hell have you been?”

“I’ve been a little preoccupied,” Negan thought about the weeks upon weeks he spent beside Lucille’s bed with her sick. Sitting there with the boy staring down at him, Negan cleared his throat and let out a tense breath. Thinking about Lucille made Negan let out a saddened breath. He couldn’t just leave her as one of those mindless monsters, but there was nothing he could do about it. There was no way he could end her. He didn’t have the strength. “Hey kid? There is a room a little ways away. It’s right across from the elevator. There is another one of them on the floor next to the bed in their room. Do you think you could…handle that for me? I’m just…a little beat.”

“I mean…yeah, sure,” the boy gave Negan a weird side eye glance before nodding slowly. The boy reached for the fire extinguisher and Negan pressed his back against the wall. He lowered his head when the boy moved down the hallway and Negan felt his heart breaking. Part of him wanted the boy to stop, hoping that somehow they could fix Lucille, but she was dead already and Negan knew it. So, the best he could do was put his head down and just let it happen.

Minutes passed before he heard footsteps returning and the boy had the fire extinguisher at his side, “Was she your wife?”

“What?” Negan lifted his head and he could see that there was as sense of sadness over the boy’s face.

“The same thing happened to my mom today. There was something wrong with her heart and when she died, the same thing happened. I was like you, I just…I couldn’t do it,” the boy explained and Negan felt his fists clenching when he thought about what happened with Lucille. “I figured that the woman in there, that was your wife.”

“Listen…” Negan felt the urge to scream at the kid, but he pulled himself up slowly and let out a frustrated grunt. “We’re all having a shitty fucking day here. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

“I think the main stairway was clear. That was how I got up here,” the boy informed Negan quickly following Negan not far behind while he tried to keep up with him.

“Well then we better get fucking moving,” Negan knew that he had to leave Lucille and make sure that everything was okay with Y/N. The fear that both the women he loved turned into one of those things flooded his mind. “So, move it along.”

----

Continuing to stay quiet, Y/N carefully followed Joel up the steps of the stairway. Joel was being cautious as they tried to avoid stepping on the bodies that were in the stairway. She couldn’t believe that it had gotten to this and that so much had been happening. Maybe she shouldn’t have told Joel to stop watching the news because then maybe this could have been avoided instead of them walking right into this. Joel was right when he said something was going on, but she had refused to listen to him because she just didn’t want to believe it. Now she regretted it.

Surprisingly they seemed to make it up the stairway fine, but by the time they got to the floor Lucille was on, they could hear screaming and things being tossed on the floor above them. Not taking a chance, they both quickly moved out of the stairway and into the hallway.

Clinging to Joel, she could see that before him there was a woman and a man with their heads bashed in and it made her gag at the sight. A fire extinguisher was thrown to the side and Joel clutched tightly to Y/N.

“Stay close to me,” he instructed once more and she listened. Her body was pretty much pressed up against his back as Joel led her toward the room he knew that Lucille was in with Negan. When Joel reached the door, he held his hand out and pushed it slightly open with his palm. When he saw something, he immediately turned to her and attempted to block her from seeing. “No…don’t…”

“What is it? Is it Negan? Joel?” she attempted to push through Joel and he tried to keep her from going into the room. When she managed to get around him what she saw made her heart break when she saw the bloody mess of what she knew to be Lucille beside the bed. The sight caused her body to go weak and just drop, but Joel had managed to catch her in his arms when it happened.

“Baby, baby…” Joel attempted to reach out to touch Y/N seeing that she was crying from what she had seen with Lucille. Pressing Y/N against the wall, he attempted to keep her on her feet and he shook his head. “Sweetheart, I know…it’s awful, but you can’t…we can’t have you pass out and lose yourself here. We have to get through this.”

“But it’s…” Y/N felt tears sliding down her face seeing what had become of Negan’s wife and she felt her heart breaking not only for Negan, but for Lucille. It caused flashes of memories of the beautiful woman that she had interreacted with in the past to flood through her mind. “It’s Lucille.”

“I know baby, I know,” Joel reached out to pull her head in against his chest and he attempted to try to comfort her in a way that was somewhat quiet. “It’s awful and I promise we will talk about this when we are out of here, but right now…we have to focus, okay?”

Joel reached out to caress over her face when she pulled back enough to look up at him and she looked at the opposite end of the bed, “Is Negan…?”

“I’ll look, okay?” Joel hushed her, moving over toward the other end of the bed thankful to see that nothing was there. When he moved back around the bed, he could see that Negan’s phone was underneath Lucille’s body and he carefully reached for it. Holding it up, he showed Y/N that was why Negan wasn’t answering her calls. “He doesn’t appear to be in here sweetheart.”

“Then he could be alive?” she tried to reason and Joel shrugged his shoulders. Sliding her hand in over her abdomen, she thought about the baby and how far they had come in their relationship with Negan. “We have to find him.”

“Okay…” Joel looked down to see that she was touching her stomach and he leaned forward to press a loving kiss over her forehead. “Come on…”

Walking through the hallway, Joel felt Y/N following him closely and they looked in the common areas that they would find someone in the hospital. Heading for the vending area, Joel was about the turn the corner when he felt the power of someone plowing into him making him hit the ground hard.

“Jesus!” Joel heard the sound of the tire iron hitting the ground and sliding out away from him. Reaching his hand up, he pressed his palm in over the center of the person’s throat that was trying to attack him seeing that they were clearly infected while blood dripped down Joel’s arm from the person’s mouth. The sound of things knocking over was heard and Joel lifted his head to see that more of them were approaching down the hall. “Y/N, get the hell out of here!”

“No,” she shook her head scrambling to try and get Joel’s tire iron so they could save bullets. Joel let out a frustrated grunt as he attempted to get keep the distance between him and the infected man over him. When she went for the tire iron, one of the infected pulled themselves out from under the vending machine and it caused her to fall back onto her bottom. Their lower half was missing, but somehow, they were still managing to pull themselves toward her and Joel. There was no way she could reach the tire iron now with that thing near it.

“I said get the hell out of here,” Joel let out a roar and she contemplated what he was saying before pulling up the gun that Joel had given her. Joel took notice that the other infected was directed right for him and he tried doing his best to turn the one that was over him in that direction. “Y/N! Get out of here.”

Pulling the trigger after aiming, she felt her body jolt and watched the torso that was crawling toward Joel immediately stop when she had managed to shoot it in the head. Scrambling to her feet, she moved swiftly beside Joel and shot once at the one struggling with Joel. It missed and hit it in the neck making her let out a frustrated sound, but it knocked it back enough for Joel to shove it aside. Joel reached for the tire iron and began to beat it in the head over and over again making her let out a shocked sound with how easily Joel had been able to fall into the violence of it all.

When he was done, she could hear him letting out a shaken breath and he dropped his upper half letting out a strained sound while he rest his forehead down against the ground, “God, what have I done?”

“Joel, they aren’t…alive,” she tried to reach for him seeing that there were more of the dead approaching them. There was no time for him to have a meltdown with more coming after them. Grasping tightly to his shoulder, she attempted to pull him up. “Joel?”

“I’ve killed two people…fucking maybe three after hitting that woman with the car,” Joel felt his body shaking while he slid back on the ground taking note of the blood that was covering him. “I…I don’t know…”

“Joel! I just killed one that was half a body. There is no way that a human being could live through that! You heard the news. They are saying they are the dead coming back to life,” Y/N tried to assure Joel seeing that he was having a melt down over the fact that he had to kill several of them. “I know we are both going to have a lot to talk about, but we need to find Negan or else we’re going to get killed. We need to move, I’m sure the gunshots will attract some of them.”

Joel said nothing, just swallowed down hard and pulled himself up from the ground. Reaching for the tire iron again, Joel almost threw up seeing the brain matter that was on it. Shaking it, he tried to get some of it off before nodding toward the main staircase.

“Let’s go that way,” Joel suggested, quickly grabbing her hand and leading her down the stairs. They did their best to make their way through as much of the hospital as possible, but they were coming up short. “Baby…I don’t think he’s here.”

“Joel, then maybe he went to the house,” she thought back to where Negan was supposed to meet her. “Maybe he went back to the home to look for me or maybe he’s at his home.”

“I want to look for him baby, but we’ve almost died…” Joel began knowing that he was upset that they weren’t able to find Negan too, but he didn’t want her or him to die while doing it. The desperation in her eyes made him nod and he swallowed down hard. “Okay sweetheart. Let’s get out of here and go to those places to see if we can find him.”

They moved back toward the entrance they came through, but when they saw people standing by the entrance, Joel let out a frustrated noise and led her in another direction. He was doing his best to keep the both of them alive without getting attacked. Heading for the front entrance, Joel could see that were tons of what seemed to be infected toward the front along with a few people near the doors.

While Joel was surveying the area, Y/N looked over her shoulder to see that the pharmacy door was opened. Yes, they needed to get out of there, but seeing all the medicine and the supplies in there made an idea pop into her head.

“Joel, we should grab some things,” she reached for his arm and watched him look back to see what she was talking about. “I know you packed things, but we never know if we find Negan what kind of shape he will be in. If we’re in that cabin for a long time, it’s probably for the best if we grab more supplies.”

“That’s a good idea,” Joel recognized that she was right. He only had one first aid kit that he packed. It was better for them to get some things just in case. Checking the hallways, he made sure they were safe before moving into the pharmacy. Surveying the area, Joel noticed that there was a pile of pillowcases on the shelves. Grabbing one, he tossed it to Y/N and took one for himself. “Grab whatever you think we’ll need.”

Hopping over the counter of the pharmacy where the pharmaceuticals were, Joel went for the pain medicine and hooked his arm around the bottles. Making sure the pillowcase was open wide enough, Joel swiped his arm forward and dropped them inside. Looking things over, he dumped some antibiotics into the pillowcase as well. Before he knew it, the pillowcase was full of things that Joel thought would be able to help them. About to hop back over the counter, Joel noticed a group of prenatal vitamins before him and his gaze lifted to Y/N. Watching her gather multiple things, he swallowed down hard and shoved all of the vitamins he could into the pillowcase. If they were going to be stuck in the cabin for a long time, these were something that she would definitely need.

“I feel bad robbing a pharmacy at a hospital,” she announced when Joel set his pillowcase on the counter. The clanking of the pill bottles caused her to look back and she watched him hop over the counter to get back to her. “Are we awful for this?”

“Baby, I’m not sure that’s something we should worry about,” Joel hushed her when he heard the sound of feet shuffling in the hallways. “Did you grab what you wanted?”

Looking, Joel noticed that she had grabbed an extra pillowcase where she had filled two of them instead of just the one, “I’ll take that as a yes?”

“All of this seems useful Joel,” she knew that she had grabbed so many different kinds of things, but it all seemed necessary.

“No, you’re right. I wish we could take more,” Joel moved toward the entrance of the pharmacy and eyed things over to make sure that they would be safe when they went to find another exit. “Come on sweetheart.”

Grabbing the two pillowcases full of supplies, she stayed close to Joel and could sense that he was trying to come up with what to do next.

“We have to go toward the parking garage,” Joel led her eagerly out of the building, but the moment that Joel pushed the door open the sound of a large explosion went off making Joel’s body slam into the brick wall of the hospital. With how hard he hit the wall; Y/N immediately knew that was something was wrong. A pained roar fell from his lips as he lifted his head once he hit the cement ground. “Fuck…”

“Joel,” she scrambled to him looking over her shoulder to see that two cars had clearly hit each other in the distance. When the explosion went off after one of the cars set fire, the power from it had thrown Joel back. Joel lifted his head to look at his ribs. “What happened? Is something wrong?”

“I think,” Joel went to pull himself up and he let out a long wail, dropping back on the ground. His face turned red and his neck was straining. Setting the pillowcases down, she tried to tend to him, but he was in agony. “I think I fucking broke my ribs.”

“Let me see,” she lifted the bottom of his shirt to see the bruising over Joel’s ribs and Joel let out a wince when he breathed. There was no doubt that he was injured and badly. It was hard, but she was going to need him to move. “Let’s get you back to the car.”

“Okay,” Joel nodded letting out another wince when they managed to get him to his feet. Just breathing hurt incredibly much as they made their way back to the SUV that they had hidden in the back after grabbing the pillowcases of supplies. They had to be quick, but when they returned Ghost was eager to see them. Even with clearly broken ribs Joel had moved to the driver’s side after getting her safely inside. His arm was wrapped firmly around his ribs while the other worked to get the car started. “Where are we going first to look for him?”

----

“Kid?” Negan saw the boy going to walk off out the front and he waved him down when he noticed the mob of people in the distance. “Where do you think you are going? I don’t really think it is safe for you to be going anywhere on your own.”

“I have to get home mister. It isn’t safe to be out here anymore,” the kid stammered with a grunt and Negan threw his hands up in the air.

“In case you haven’t noticed, these fuckers are everywhere,” Negan nodded toward the parking garage and he waved the kid toward him. “I don’t know how far away your home is.”

“Are you offering me a ride?” the boy stammered and Negan nodded his head dramatically.

“Yeah, why the fuck do you think I’m mentioning it?” Negan grunted feeling his attitude getting the best of him. “You stupid or something?”

“I could use a ride,” the boy followed Negan toward the area Negan had parked when he had first gotten to the hospital in the parking garage. Just as they rounded the corner the loud boom of an explosion knocked them both onto the grass making Negan let out a tight groan when it happened.

“You okay kid?” Negan blurt out, looking to see the boy slowly pulling himself up from where he landed. Negan turned on his side and looked beyond them to see that it had drawn attention of some of the dead that had gathered together in the front of the hospital. Cussing to himself, Negan pulled himself up and let out a tense breath. “Fuck, that hurt.”

“What was that?” the boy looked as he followed Negan around the corner. Staring out at the parking garage, Negan saw that two cars had hit and one of them had clearly started on fire which is why the explosion happened. “Can we still get in and out of the parking garage?”

“Yeah,” Negan waved the kid on when a few of the dead had walked by. Attempting to get to the know the boy, Negan started a conversation with him. It was better than thinking about what he had lost in Lucille. When the boy noticed Negan was cracking jokes, he had asked Negan if he was okay since his wife had died. Yeah, Negan was acting weird, but if he didn’t…he wouldn’t be able to make it through. “The car is over here.”

Just as they turned the corner to get to Negan’s car, Negan heard the sound of the boy yelping and Negan turned on his heel to see that one of the dead had grabbed the boy and was biting his wrist. Quickly moving forward, Negan saw another one come out of nowhere, pulling the boy between two cars.

“Fuck,” Negan tried to move between the cars, but when he stepped forward, he could see that the two had absolutely torn into the boy and Negan knew that it was no point. There was no way that he could save him at this point. “Damn it.”

Getting into his car, Negan turned it on and looked at the time knowing it was hours after he had promised to meet up with Y/N, but hopefully she was still at their home and hopefully she was safe.

----

“Are you okay?” Y/N watched Joel as his face twisted in agony while they drove back to the home she had shared with Negan. Instead of being honest, Joel simply nodded and continued to drive. “You’re so full of shit.”

“I’m fine,” Joel grumbled and she reached into the back knowing that she had seen Joel pack the first aid kit he had bought for the trip. Quickly pulling it open, she pulled out the icepack that was inside. Squeezing it, she heard it pop and then began to shake it to activate the icepack. Placing it over Joel’s abdomen made him growl out in pain and he leaned forward trying to clearly still focus while he drove. “Son of a bitch…”

“Joel, you’re really hurt,” Y/N pointed out, reaching for the pillowcase full of medicine that was inside. Digging around, she found some of the pain medicine and quickly pulled it out. Popping open the lid, she deposited two in her hand and held them out for Joel. “Take these.”

“What are they?” his nose wrinkled while looking down at them and she held her hand out further. Instead of questioning things, he took the medicine and threw them into his mouth. Swallowing down the pills was hard to do, but he managed and let out a hesitant sound.  

“They were pain pills Joel. Should I be driving?” she inquired looking him over while he was clearly in tons of pain. “Is it safe for you to be driving?”

“I’ll be fine,” Joel assured her when he pulled onto the street that he had originally found her earlier. A nervous breath fell from his throat when he saw how much the street had already gone to shit since they had left earlier. “We have to be quick going to look for him.”

“Joel, I don’t think you should go in there…” she looked over at him and she shook her head. “I’ll take the gun, I’ll do a quick sweep and then come back to the car.”

“I can’t let you do that,” Joel pulled into the driveway, his eyes connecting with the body of the man he had killed earlier and his face turned a pale shade of white.

“Raise the tire iron Joel,” she ordered and Joel gave her a glare knowing that he had definitely broken at least a few ribs. Breathing and talking were hard, so he knew that moving would be hard too. “We’ll be fine. This one let me quickly run through and if he’s not in there, I will run back out and we will go to his home with Lucille. There we can both go together.”

“Fine,” Joel grunted looking around the area. “Be fast.”

“I’ll be right back,” she ran into the home after quickly getting out of the SUV. Moving through the first floor she heard nothing and heard the sound of something upstairs. “Negan?”

Moving back toward the stairs she could see that one of the infected had made it into their home and made it up the stairs. Waiting for him to come down the stairs, she led him around the couch before taking advantage and running up the stairs. Upstairs she found absolutely nothing and let out a tense breath. Looking on the dresser, she saw the camera that Negan had used with them several times and she reached for it. Grabbing it, she knew that it was impossible that Negan was there. Heading back down the stairs she was able to slip past the man and made it back to the SUV.

“You scared the fuck out of me,” Joel announced when she got back into the car and he was breathing uneasily. “I thought something happened.”

“I’m alright sweetheart,” she reached out to brush her fingers through his short hair and she shrugged her shoulders. “Negan has to be at his home. That’s the only other place I can think of him being.”

“Guide me and I’ll get us there,” Joel went to pull out of the driveway, but he took notice of the car she had originally driven there in the driveway. “Is there anything from your car that you need before we leave because I think this will be the last time we come here.”

“Everything I need is right here in this bag,” she looked down at the bag she originally brought with her that was at her feet. Opening the bag, she put the camera she grabbed in the bag and then looked at the picture she had snagged earlier in the day of her and Negan. “Let’s go.”

----

As Negan drove to his home that he shared with Y/N, the image of that kid dying replayed in his head over and over again. Part of him felt responsible for that boy dying. He should have kept the kid closer to him, so he was really focused and upset. It took him a while to leave the hospital after it happened because it was hard to get his car through the parking garage without getting jumped by the group of dead that had developed at the hospital.

“Jesus Christ,” Negan knew that he had been stuck in that hospital for a very long time, but he never realized how bad this would truly be. How did everything fall to shit like this in such a short amount of time and he had no idea? When he pulled onto the street he had the home with Y/N, he could feel his heart pounding inside of his chest over and over again. It looked like a riot had taken place on that street and he began to panic.

Pulling up to their house, he saw that her car was in the driveway. The most worrying thing was that the front door of their home was open. His adrenaline spiked wondering if she was inside and hurt. Reaching in the backseat he grabbed his bag that he had left there from work that he had never taken out. Pulling it open, he grabbed the baseball bat that was inside and clung tightly to it. Getting out of the car, he closed the door and took notice of the body that was in their front yard. The head was smashed in and Negan hoped deep down that she would have known how to protect herself and this was her work.

“Y/N!” Negan called out her name heading inside of the house. Listening he could hear some rustling near the laundry room and he headed in that direction. A shocked sound fell from his throat when he saw one of the dead turning to look back at him in the hallway. Taking his bat, Negan began beating the guy until he was completely static in movement. Blood was splattered all over their hallways and Negan was breathless from what he had done. Hopefully the blood that was on the infected man’s face was not Y/N’s. Wiping the back of his hand over his face, Negan let out a grunt and pulled back away from the scene. “Y/N?”

Hearing nothing in return, Negan ran up the stairs toward their bedroom. A frustrated breath fell from his throat when he realized that she wasn’t there. He hoped that was a good sign, but after all the destruction he had seen, he didn’t know if he should be positive about it yet.

Getting down the stairs, he double checked the entire house and took notice that a few things were missing and he didn’t know if that meant that she had grabbed things or someone had came into their home to steal things, but they were more so personal things so he was hoping that it was her that was here.

There was a gap on the mantle above their fireplace and he moved to it to see one of their photos was missing. Reaching for one of the photos that were left, Negan tilted his head to the side and saw it was one they took on the beach together. He was kissing over the side of her cheek and she was laughing. Smashing the frame, Negan heard it shatter and he reached for the photo to shove it into his back pocket. If he was going to leave the house, he wanted to have something to remind him of a happy past that he once had.

Thinking of something, Negan moved over toward the phone and decided to try to call her on the cell phone he knew she had. He didn’t have his phone, but if he called her from their home maybe she would answer. At least he hoped so. Attempting to try to call her, he noticed there was a dead dial tone and he let out a frustrated grunt. Throwing the phone aside, his anger was flooding through him. Of course, the fucking phones weren’t working. How else was he supposed to get ahold of her? There was only one other place that he knew he would likely find her.

Heading back to his car, he stopped when he saw her car. Reaching for the door to check if it was open, he noticed that it was locked. Lifting the bat and swinging, he shattered the window and reached inside to grab the hoodie that she had left in the car. Pulling it out of the car, he lifted it to his face and took in the smell of her. It made him scared to think that she might not be around anymore and he decided he was going to take this in memory of her just in case. Setting it in the passenger seat when he got in the car, he made sure to drive up and down the street a few times to make sure she wasn’t there before heading over to Joel’s home.

When he arrived at Joel’s home, it was shocking because the street had been known for having good homes, yet now most of the homes were on fire and Negan found himself nervous. He didn’t want anything to be wrong with either Joel or Y/N. Pulling into the driveway, Negan took notice of the fact that car he had been in with Joel previously was in the driveway still. Heading up the walkway toward Joel’s home, he realized that the house had already been broken into and Negan grunted. Clinging to the baseball bat at his side, he pushed the front door open and stepped in.

“Y/N?” Negan called out her name, hearing nothing on the other end. “Joel? Ghost?”

Negan tried screaming out loud enough to get some kind of response, but when there wasn’t anything in return, he felt an ache in the center of his chest. God, he hoped so badly that he would be able to find them here. The fact there was no sign of any of them made him feel better in the sense that he hoped they were all together and alive, but it was still terrifying. Joel’s car was still in the driveway and so was Y/N’s at the other home? How would they get away without their cars? In a way he was happy to not find their bodies, but he was still terrified as to where they could be.

Knowing that there was a chance they were upstairs, Negan moved swiftly through the hallways to push open the doors. Every single room was empty and he thanked God for that. Then again, he wished he would have found them hiding and waiting for him. Needing him to help them in their escape, but each room had him come up empty. Going to open the door to the last room, Negan heard the sound of something downstairs falling over and he felt his adrenaline kick in. Was it them?

When he got downstairs, he noticed that it was one of the dead that had probably found its way inside and Negan let out a frustrated sound knowing it was probably his screaming that drawn it to him. Using the bat, Negan did what he had to do before going back outside onto Joel’s porch. Dropping down, he reached up to pinch at the bridge of his nose.

How could both of their cars still be around, but neither one of them were? He had been certain that he would be able to find them, but now that he was here, he realized that was far from the case and it upset him. What was he going to do if he lost both the women he had loved in his life all in one day?

----

“Sweetheart,” Joel groaned moving through the upstairs of Negan’s home he shared with Lucille while Y/N was downstairs looking through things. Joel moved out of the bedroom and his arm was still firmly wrapped around his ribs. “I don’t think he’s here.”

“Joel, he just…we…” she began and Joel could tell that she was starting to break down from all of this. Earlier in the day she was hopeful that they would be able to find Negan, but now that they were here, it was clear that she thought he was gone. They couldn’t find Negan and her mind was lingering to the idea that he was dead. “He can’t be dead Joel.”

“Baby, I know…” Joel moved down the stairs toward her. Joel reached his arms out enough to hug her, a pained sound escaping his throat when it clearly hurt him doing it. “I wanted to find him too. I wanted everything to be fine and I wanted us to be able to run off with him and be safe at the cabin.”

“I never even got to say goodbye,” she felt her heart breaking realizing that there were no answers to her question as to what happened with Negan and she could feel her heart breaking. There were so many things that she wanted to say to Negan and so many things he deserved to know. Yet here there were and they were likely never going to see him again. When she began to cry, she felt Joel cupping her face in his hands while trying to comfort her. “This is so fucked up Joel. Everyone I know is likely dead now. My parents, my friends…the father of my child.”

“I’m so sorry,” Joel frowned, his own eyes tearing over when he thought about how he had gotten Negan to agree to come with him tomorrow. Maybe if he would have picked a sooner time, they wouldn’t have been in this situation. It was eating him alive to know that he could have potentially stopped this from happening. “I should have just grabbed you guys that day Negan was attacked. I knew something was wrong.”

“There is no way you could have known that this would have happened,” she tried to reason with Joel seeing that he was angry at himself for what clearly happened. “You would have never known this was going to happen Joel.”

“Yeah, but if I just convinced him that day to come we would be together and we wouldn’t be without him,” Joel frowned, lowering his head and she could tell that he was upset like she was about not being able to find Negan. “I wanted to save him too Y/N, so fucking much. I never wanted to go through what it would feel like to lose someone I cared about again and yet here we are. There was nothing I could do to save Negan for you and I am…so sorry. It hurts knowing that I saved him the other day only for this to happen. I wish this wasn’t the case, but…”

“Joel,” they both cried together when they realized that they had both lost someone that had meant something to them. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“The only thing I think we can do is go to the cabin. I left the address on my refrigerator. I told Negan the area it would be in. I would think if he went to my home, maybe if he is still here, he will find it,” Joel shrugged his shoulders and he threw his hands up in the air. “We can’t keep waiting because the longer we wait…”

“The more likely we are to end up dead,” she lowered her hand to slide it in over her abdomen. The last thing she wanted was her baby to end up dead. Not after everything she went through. This really wasn’t the life that she wanted a child to grow up in, but she didn’t have a choice at this point. “We should go.”

“I am so sorry we couldn’t find him,” Joel apologized and he lowered his head letting out an uneven breath. “I cared about him too, very much.”

“I know,” Y/N acknowledged feeling Joel swiping at her tears with his thumb when they took a minute to themselves. Everything ached and Y/N felt miserable knowing that she likely lost the first love of her life. The one thing that she was completely scared of having and coming to terms with at the end of the day. “We should go.”

“I love you,” Joel frowned, tipping forward to press a loving kiss against her temple before brushing her hair away from her face. “I promise, whatever happens from here on out…I will do whatever I have to in order to take care of the both of you. Nothing…nothing will ever hurt you. You have my word…as long as I’m alive, I will always fight for you. I love you Y/N and I will do everything in my power to protect you.”

----

Pulling into the driveway to his home at the end of the night, Negan had spent the last few hours looking for any kind of sign of Y/N and Joel, but there was nothing. His hope had completely been drained of him and when he got home, he didn’t care at this point how things were. In his mind he had lost everything that had meant anything to him today and it was the worst day of his life.

Moving up his driveway he could hear the sound of something scrambling around outside beside him, but his baseball bat hung down at his side and the last thing any person alive or dead wanted to do with him was fuck with him right now.

Once he got inside of the house he shared with Lucille, he covered the doors of his home and the entrances to make sure that no one could get in. The blood on his body made him uncomfortable and he headed for the bathroom. Pulling his clothes from his body, Negan dropped each piece down the hallway and by the time he got to the bathroom he was completely naked.

When he got a look at himself in the mirror, the blood that was covering his body and staining at his flesh from soaking through his clothes caused him to let out a shuddering breath. Negan’s head tilted to the side when he looked at himself. Flashes of Lucille filled his mind and he winced. He thought of all the blood, all the people he had killed and all those he had seen killed. It was like a nightmare come to life and he didn’t want to believe it was real, but it was.

Reaching out, he ran his fingers over the mirror dragging them down it, staining the mirror with the blood that was still covering his fingers. All the frustrations of today built up inside of him and he swung his fist out hitting the mirror with all the power he had. The mirror shattered and immediately Negan could see that there was blood dripping down his hand from what he had done.

Instead of caring, Negan moved for the shower and pulled the door open. He turned the shower on and stepped in under the warm stream of water. It was almost so hot that it was burning at his skin, but he didn’t care. He needed that pain. After everything he had been through today and over the last few weeks, he wanted to experience the pain. He wanted to know that he was alive and this all was real.

Taking the longest shower he had in a very long time, Negan was very observant of the blood that swirled around the drain from his body. It made him think of all the blood that he had dealt with and how easy at the end of the day it was for him to kill the dead. Originally, he was mortified, but after everything that happened…after what happened to Lucille, Negan just found himself full of rage.

Once he was done with the shower, he moved for the medicine cabinet and pulled it open to gather a few things to clean up his hand that he had cut when punching the mirror. After that, he moved through the house naked without a care in the world until he stopped at his closet. Reaching inside he grabbed a pair of gray pants and pulled them up his long slender legs before reaching for white t-shirt. Once he was dressed, Negan moved back down the stairs and headed for the kitchen.

Pushing through the drawers, he pulled out a US Map and headed for the kitchen table. Opening the map, he spread it all out. Making sure that New York was his main focus, Negan surveyed the cities before heading for the fridge. Grabbing the marker on the top it, he moved back to the kitchen table and circled New York.  

Looking at the cities, he fingered over the map until he found the city that Joel had told him the hospital was in. Circling the city, he took a minute to look for the water areas that were near the city. Circling each area, he knew that Joel told him his cabin was on the water and figured if he could find the bodies of water, if Y/N and Joel were still alive that would be where he would find them. Hopefully they escaped and got away from this hell. That was what he had to think. It was the only way to help him keep going. The idea of them alive would be the only thing that would keep the survivor instinct alive inside of him.

After marking all the areas, Negan folded the map up and put it in his back pocket. When he was satisfied with what he had done, Negan moved back into the hallway where he had deposited his bloody clothes from earlier. Bending down to pick up his pants, Negan searched his pockets to pull out the photo that he had snagged earlier of him and Y/N. Moving around the bottom floor of his home, Negan surveyed the photos of him and Lucille together before grabbing one of those as well.

Negan gathered what was important for him to survive on a journey as well as the two photos to keep the memory of those he loved alive inside of him. Heading to the garage, Negan put his things in his car and then pulled the car out of the garage into the driveway. Gathering all the wood that was left in his garage from pervious projects that he had never finished, Negan went to each opening to his house and began to board it up. He didn’t want anyone breaking into his home and stealing things that meant something for him and Lucille.

Once he had everything boarded up and all the stuff he wanted to bring with him, Negan packed up the car and got in it. Reaching for the map he had marked off, Negan set it up so he could see it and let out a tense breath. He was heading to New York in attempts to find Y/N and Joel with hopes that everything would turn out okay. Reaching for the hoodie that he had grabbed earlier from Y/N’s car, he pulled it to him. When he did, he watched a piece of clothing fall from the pocket in it and he reached out for it. Grabbing a hold of it, he saw that it was red scarf and he let out a tense sound. At least he had these things to keep him going. There had to still be something to fight for and right now, that was finding Y/N and Joel.

With nothing else to live for, Negan vowed that he was going to search all the areas of New York that were by the hospital Joel told him about in order to find Y/N if it was the last thing he did because damn it, he wasn’t ready to believe that she was dead too. Not now. Not ever.

----

PLEASE REASE --  SO! Here is the deal. I have had SUCH strong opinions about this story from EVERYONE. There are some people that love Joel & Negan with the character. There are those that only like Joel or Negan with the character. I've decided that because so many people love this story and it means so much to certain people that this story is going to be a choose your own ending story. You will have the choice to pick from three different endings. You can read them all. You can read one or two. Whatever floats your boat. When I post the endings, I will post all three endings at once and it will be labeled clearly for you to chose from. Make sure to read the name of the chapter and the summary so you pick the ending that you want. this is a weird thing to do, but I wanted to make everyone happy to the best of my abilities. Thank you so much for reading this story and the next time I will be posting will be the end (s) of this story. Thank you so much for sticking with me this long.

----

Tags: @slutlanna976  @nubbinrobin @oreostars  @fuckthis-and-fuckthat @jennydehavilland @felicity291 @de-gabyconamor @ibelongtonegan @smallsadjellyfish @labyrinthofheartagrams  @msjamesmarch @thebeautysurrounds @hotfornegan @redmercysugar @caprithebunny @iluvneganandjamie @ninamarietwd​ @tuttifuckinfruitty @emoryhemsworth @a-girl-interupted @akumune @stoneyggirl @xsarcasticwriterx

[thevibraniumveterans]

I'M STARTING WITH THE MAN IN THE MIRROR...

I'm asking him to change his ways And no message could have been any clearer If you want to make the world a better place Take a look at yourself, and then make a change

-

A couple of points to make.

1. Loki and identity

According to head writer Michael Waldron, "in a series that, to me, is ultimately about self-love, self-reflection, and forgiving yourself, it just felt right that that would be Loki's first real love story." 

Loki learning to love himself, reflecting on who he really is as a person, and forgiving his past misdeeds, is the ultimate character growth, something that the TVA was hell-bent on preventing because it did not line up with how they saw Loki to be. Loki seeing himself in his mirror and realizing that he needs to change? Yeah. That's the big thing going on here.

According to Tom Hiddleston, "I don't think Loki's relationship with himself has been very healthy. Trying to accept those aspects of himself, which he's been on the run from, was a way of thinking about that in a really interesting way."

Think about how Loki praised Sylvie for being amazing because she's been running rings around the TVA. Again, it's a metaphor, because Loki has never in his entire life, honestly praised himself and talked about himself in a good and honest way. I will talk about how Sylvie is Loki's mirror and metaphor later, because this is important. It's also the reason why I started this post off with the chorus of Michael Jackson's "Man in the Mirror". It's relevant, okay?

According to director Kate Herron, "The whole show is about identity. It's about him, and he is on a very different path, and he is on a different journey." And it is! It's kind of how the saying goes, when one reaches rock bottom, there's nowhere to go but up, right?

2. "Love is a dagger."

Terrible metaphor it may be, according to Tom Hiddleston of what Loki says to Sylvie in Ep3, "They were having a talk about love and trusting other people, and not being able to either love or trust for whatever reason." The dagger, then, would represent "Loki's experience of love, I suppose. He certainly feels like it's not been something he's been close to. It has been some sort of illusion that he has trusted and been let down by."

(https://www.marvel.com/articles/tv-shows/loki-love-is-a-dagger-sylvie)

3. "Love is… uh, something I might have to have another drink to think about."

Interestingly enough, I've had several thoughts on the relationship dynamic between Loki and Sylvie.

Yes, Mobius did describe it as "Two Variants of the same being, especially you, forming this kind of sick, twisted, romantic relationship", but even I'm having opinions that would start to contradict each other.

At first I went around saying that the dynamic between Loki and Sylvie are strictly platonic, and I pointed out that to me, the Nexus Event might've been honesty and truth, because according to the "Sacred Timeline", those are two things that nobody associates with Loki, and the fact that in that short amount of time, Loki realizing that he needs to be honest with himself throws the entirety of TVA into disarray. It's a chance for Loki to be honest with himself and really come to terms with who he is as a person.

Now where does Sylvie fit into all of this?

In my opinion, even from Episode 3, I saw Sylvie as a mirror, Loki's perfect metaphor. Why do I say this? Remember in Ep2 when she told Loki, "If anyone's anyone, you're me"?

I had jokingly thought to myself that Loki was just about to tell Sylvie how he feels about her and himself (because Loki talking about his feelings is rare, as he himself said, “this is new to me”), but then I thought a little deeper and went, “hmm, this doesn’t have to be taken in a romantic way at all, Sylvie is not a love interest (because to me that’s just weird, no offense, unless the circumstances were super different, under which I think it might’ve been okay then and depending on the situation, but not here in these circumstances) it’s just Loki admitting what kind of a person he is, and if he can be better, it’s just Loki figuring himself out.” (I'll talk about why I have conflicting thoughts later.)

Even Tom Hiddleston, in a recent interview with ComicBook.com, had specifically stated about his character: "It will be interesting to see what happened when Loki can't talk his way out of a situation, as is his dominant strategy in most encounters. I am most excited for fans to see what happens to Loki when he has nowhere left to run, when he can't delude himself anymore." That last bit with Sylvie? Yeah, Loki coming to terms with himself, being honest, not being able to delude himself anymore. He had nowhere left to run.

I know I did say that at first I did not see Loki and Sylvie as having any romantic tension between them, but please, hear me out first. 

According to Classical Mythology, PSYCHE is "a personification of the soul", which is exactly what Sylvie is to Loki. It would make the "if anyone's anyone, you're me" comment make way more sense. Remember how I said Sylvie is Loki's mirror? Loki getting this close to talking about his (what I see as non-romantic) feelings about himself, how he sees his own person, talking about himself in an emotional way, really admitting to his mirror that reflects the deepest parts of himself who he really was, and then just STOPPED before he could do so was so heartbreaking.

I had said that he was not gonna tell her he loved her because that’s so messed up (I get that narcissism is loving yourself but Sylvie is NOT Loki, nor is Loki Sylvie, they’re two different individuals), but Loki was just about to reveal his true feelings, his real emotions that he’s been trying to hide from himself all along. Loki can no longer run away (remember this comment from one of the interviews?), from himself, his emotions, there’s nowhere for him to run, it was time to be honest with himself.

Somewhere I made a comment that went like this:

Loki finally finding a connection with someone who is so much like him, yet so much unlike him is rare. ("Sylvie's not Loki. Sylvie is Sylvie" and "while they're the same, they're not the same" - Hiddleston / "She is him, but she's not him." - Herron) In that Loki has always been alone, and everything that he did was a cry for help that he never received, while Sylvie had been alone for so many years she's had to rely on herself to survive.

It makes sense then, that both Loki and Sylvie see themselves in each other ("I see a scheme, and in that scheme I see myself" from Ep2) and acknowledge that they are both lonely survivors who made it through so much, that they had each other for even that short amount of time.

That connection they had, that emotional attachment that they came to share, was not romantic in any way. (I'll get to why I’m conflicted about this, and why I may come to be okay with it, in a bit.) I read somewhere that the Nexus Event was not as Mobius described it, but was that Loki finally knowing that he'll never be alone, that he's honest with himself, which is something that goes against the TVA's dictates. THAT's the Nexus Event!

According to the TVA and Ravonna, Loki can't be caring! He can't change from being a homicidal maniac! He can't change! But we know Loki can. Loki himself knows that he can change. This knowledge and acceptance was enough to cause the damn Nexus Event, because the Timekeepers did not decree it! Even in Ep1, Loki declared that he would not let the TVA dictate how his story ends. It's clear that Loki's story is nt over yet.

Two lonely survivors find each other, so it's not surprising that Loki himself was THIS close to finally admitting the truth about himself, admitting and being honest with himself... until Ravonna pruned him.

Ravonna has always been pro-TVA and anti-Loki, so it's not surprising that earlier when she was speaking to Mobius, he's like, "Loki can change" but she's like "no because the TVA said so", so therefore when she hears that Loki is finally being honest with himself (through almost revealing his feelings to Sylvie), Ravonna cannot take it and obliterates him herself. According to her, which says that according to the TVA, Loki having an honest and real change of heart is the real Nexus Event and as such, must be prevented.

Now, about love, I guess, new to Loki as it may be. 

(Talking points from https://www.marvel.com/articles/tv-shows/loki-sylvie-in-love)

Here's where I think I can explain why though I'm not 100% on board with Loki being romantically involved with Sylvie I might warm up to the idea, the possibility of them being kind of a thing. I'm a little divided on it myself, but here goes.

First and foremost, here's something that head writer Michael Waldron says about the possibility of a romance: "That was one of the cruxes of my pitch [for the series], that there was going to be a love story. We went back and forth for a little bit about, like do we really want to have this guy fall in love with another version of himself? Is that too crazy?" Maybe, maybe not.

You see, as you know, Sylvie is a version of Loki, but is not Loki. Mobius describes them as "Two Variants of the same being." Director Kate Herron notes, however, saying of Sylvie about Loki that "she is him, but she's not him. They've had such different life experiences." Tom Hiddleston chimes in with "Sylvie's not Loki. Sylvie is Sylvie. I think he realizes, and she realizes, that while they're the same, they're not the same."

But what about the love story?

Mobius concludes through context clues that Loki is "an incredible seismic narcissist! You fell for yourself!" He taunts Loki, "You like her! Does she like you?"

Here's where it gets interesting. Loki had reassured Sylvie that people like them don't die so easily, they survive. He had praised her for running circles around the TVA, calling her amazing (again, another metaphor, but I think I've covered that), after which she had placed her hand on Loki's arm. Notice his reaction - he looks down at where her hand had made contact with his arm, shifts in a way that suggests his surprise. He's like, 'Is this warmth I'm feeling? I've never felt someone's gentle touch before. I think she cares for me, is that even possible for someone like me?'

He looks up at her, and though his story differs from Sylvie's, he recognizes that though he may have suffered, she had been physically on the run her entire life, whereas Loki had been mentally and metaphorically on the run from himself. We see from the look on his face that though Loki and Sylvie had spent less than 12 hours in each other's presence, he's come to respect her and her courage to do what he could never have. "You're amazing," he says.

Michael Waldron continues, "The look that they share, that moment, [it started as] a blossoming friendship. Then for the first time, they both feel that twinge of, ‘Oh, could this be something more? What is this I'm feeling?’ These are two beings of pure chaos that are the same person falling in love with one another. That's a straight-up and down branch, and exactly the sort of thing that would terrify the TVA."

Sylvie's not sure if she's got any sort of feelings for Loki, but she does ask if he's okay after they reach the golden elevators that would take them to the Timekeepers. Anyway, after the time loop punishment on Asgard, during which Lady Sif tells him, "You deserve to be alone and you always will be", Loki realizes that he's scared of being alone. He hopes that there might be someone out there with whom he can connect on a deeper level.

Director Kate Herron points out, "Who's a better match for Loki than himself?" Or Sylvie, for that matter. But because "but she's not him. They've had such different life experiences," it would make so much sense and would totally be in character for Loki to connect with someone he sees himself in, again, metaphorically speaking.

This is the ultimate journey of "self-love, self-reflection, and forgiving yourself", as Waldron puts it, so for Loki to come to terms that he might possibly love Sylvie is a metaphor for accepting himself as he truly is, not what or who he projects himself to be. It's about being kind to himself, because as he reflects on this new feeling about Sylvie, he's also reflecting upon himself and whether or not he can keep running from his emotions, as Tom Hiddleston says. The answer is no, he cannot run any longer from his acknowledgment that he's got feelings for Sylvie than he can run from his own realizations about himself. He forgives Sylvie as a metaphorical way of forgiving himself for his past misdeeds, like admitting that cutting off Sif's hair was not funny at all. It would make sense then, according to Waldron, that "that would be Loki's first real love story." Not a story about a narcissist, but a story of identity and self-acceptance and honesty.

The fact that Loki and Sylvie are two COMPLETELY different people who are so dissimilar except for the fact that they're two lonely survivors, could possibly result in them having a relationship.

Hear me out on why.

You know how Loki had said to Sylvie at the end, "this is new to me"? He means that he has never before known how to express love and care because he's never received any of either. For all of his life, he had been treated badly by all except perhaps his mother, but as in Ep3, he agrees that though he's had courtships before, none of those relationships, none of it included any type of love that felt tangentially real to him. Loki doesn't know what real love is... until Sylvie comes along. She does not make him know what love is, because he comes to terms to his feelings all on his own.

Tom Hiddleston says, "When Loki meets Sylvie, he's inspired solely by curiosity." Herron adds, about the relationship, "It was just about giving it the space to breathe and digging into it in a way that felt earned." And I think that I might come to accept that it is earned, in some way.

Two lonely survivors who quite literally run into each other, who recognize each other for who they really are, who accept each other and themselves, and who can finally be truthful and honest with themselves and each other. It's not always a game of checkers or chess. Sometimes, it's a maze of metaphors and mirrors.

I understand that this relationship between Sylvie and Loki is controversial for some, cute for others. If I hadn't already made myself clear, I was never really against the pairing, just that I was never 100% sure I'd board that train myself. I was initially of the opinion that their dynamic was strictly platonic, but because I'm open to different interpretations, I decided to have a look at why people saw the relationship between Loki and Sylvie as a beautiful one.

The conclusion I came to, is that there definitely is more than one interpretation of Loki and Sylvie's dynamic, and that I'm okay with both. We've got two episodes left, so I'm curious to see how Sylvie and Loki's dynamic plays itself out.

Ultimately, this story is about Loki.

Loki has to start with the man in the mirror. The person he metaphorically sees himself in is Sylvie, his perfect mirror, and he's asking himself to change his ways. No message, no relationship, no reflection, no realization, no feeling could have been any clearer. So, if Loki wants to be a better person, which we know he can and will be, he will take a look at himself in his mirror and make that change.