#it’s sticky but I know I’m a damn good researcher and writer and I can still email them

[mysterious-prophetess]

Some BnHA Thoughts I’ve had recently

Warning: this gets long and rambly and is a personal opinion.

I know I’m probably not the only person who’s thought this but the whole Hero System of BnHA/MHA is just kind of...weird. 

The origins are explained in the spin-off, I think. IDK I don’t read Illegals. 

Nothing against Illegals I just don’t want to read it. What I’ve seen is ok, but anyway, back to my point.

Heroes working legit and for money is just very.....weird for someone like me who has grown up with the older Western comic hero canon where superheroes were, and still are, vigilantes who don’t get paid and don’t get to really enjoy any sort of public accolades, unless you’re particular heroes in the DC or Marvel universes. 

Even then, someone like my favorite hero of all time—Superman—doesn’t get to really be Superman 24/7. He still has to be Clark Kent and live Clark Kent’s life. Honestly, it’s what makes an alien with OP godlike powers relatable. That is if writers actually take the time to write his relationships with his family/friends and not jettison off the other characters in stupid OOC ways that previous characterizations of Clark wouldn’t have tolerated.

Sure, Clark can do all that super-powered stuff but it doesn’t get his articles in on time or his bills paid. He has to still participate in society and keep his lives relatively separate. 

My second favorite hero of all time—and my love for Superman is pretty unshakable so this second place has a decent gap—is Spider-Man. Specifically Peter Parker the original. The others are ok too but Peter is the one I grew up with, so he’s the one to which I’m most attached.

Peter Parker’s life—in a proper adaptation—always is full of struggle between being Spider-Man and being Peter Parker. 

Even after he comes out as Spider-Man during the proper Civil War story arc (nope, still not over what the MCU did to it especially when they gave my favorite Cap quote to a glorified extra and made it so IRON-MAN WAS IN THE RIGHT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME) Peter’s life is still a struggle, it’s just now a public one like the Fantastic Four who, probably, are the only group close to a sort of BnHA/MHA style of heroics for their whole existence (even Tony had a secret identity for a while in early Iron-Man. Look it up). And their lives were a struggle. Plus, I’m also pretty sure they didn’t get paid for their heroics? I’d have to do research to verify that because I’m not actually a Fantastic Four fan.

My point is, I’m just much more used to heroes who have to do heroics as a side job(more like a calling) but still have a day job (unless you’re Bruce Wayne but he’s got other stuff to balance that out). 

The Illegals, though I don’t read their manga, are a bit more like traditional superheroes, but they also sort of don’t remind me of them because they live in a society where there are legit vs illegal heroes. Unlike all of the western canon superheroes who are, by legal definition, committing a crime by stopping crimes. It’s an aspect that Marvel for a long time had better than DC because the cops were treating some of the heroes like Spider-Man like the vigilantes they actually were. 

I think that Horikoshi will explore stuff about this system later but I can’t help but feel that the system he created within his universe is ripe for exploitation by the wrong sort of people.

Look at the reviled purple one. His superpower is actually excellent. His spheres can easily contain a criminal until they need to be processed and if he’s paired up with someone like Sero, their combo as a capture team is amplified. Stick some of the spheres onto a strip of Sero’s tape and it’s an instant sticky bola. 

If his life had progressed without being an ancillary background character who keeps being shoved into shit to keep him in the story artificially by authorial bias, Mineta would have graduated and become a hero and would have been doing it for all the wrong reasons and (if he kept his nose clean of scandals) been able to live a decent life while also using his position to be a total piece of garbage.

See Captain Celebrity from Illegals for the adult version of this motivation taken to its extreme.

People rag on Endeavor for being a hero for the wrong reasons, but actually, he still does do a lot of good even if he’s a flaming jerk and he’s still popular enough to be the eternal number 2 prior to All Might’s retirement. 

Then there’s Mount Lady who swooped in and sniped Kamui Woods’s villain for the attention. And snake lady, Uwabumi, who seems more into being an idol of sorts than being a hero. The point is, the heroes of the BnHA/MHA universe aren’t actually incentivized to be heroes for justice or the general good. I personally blame the popularity aspect for a lot of the exploitation I see potentially within this system.

With that popularity aspect, the hero system has become tainted by people who are just in it to be idols and make money off of side hustles/brand deals/commercials/toys. There are enough in the system like Izuku—who genuinely wants to save people— that keep it from being overrun by people who are just in it for themselves, but as it is, the BnHA/MHA system is just so weird and ripe for twisting (which I as a fic writer & reader appreciate for the fertile ground it provides).

We flip back to the Western Canon and we have maybe a handful of characters at best I can point to that fit this “hero for popularity reasons” mould, with DC character Booster Gold the time-traveling con-man being the only one I can name off the top of my head. 

This is because Western Canon heroes are, usually, in heroics/vigilantism for personal reasons that tend to be motivated by justice, vengeance, or some mix of the two. 

Or, as quoted to death in most every adaptation of Spider-Man, Uncle Ben’s immortal words,

“With great power comes great responsibility.”

Plus, popularity and merchandizing is next-to-impossible for the Western canon hero because they actually have secret identities and don’t compete in highly publicized school festivals as minors that are said to be more popular than the Olympics where their real names are on display (sorry, the more you look at the UA Sports Festival, the less it makes any damn sense from a security standpoint). 

So, a character could go into heroics within the western canon wanting to be popular but unless they want to be a public hero (which is technically illegal) they can never profit from said-heroics directly. Again, we have Booster Gold who tried it and the other superheroes of the DC universe despised him.

He’s had a moment where he realized being in it for fame and glory is not a good thing and has turned over a new leaf, I think, so again heroes in it for themselves are generally not a major thing in the Western canon universes. 

Horikoshi has been using the system and its flaws for some great story moments and will likely continue to do so. 

It still doesn’t stop me from looking at it like the beautiful piece of weirdness that it is. I may never stop thinking it’s weird but that’s ok. 

Note 1: I know The Incredibles showed heroes being heroes without it being vigilantism but they were also employed/protected by the government and still had to maintain secret identities and when told to stop by the government, did. That, in and of itself, was explored by the movie to being a bit of an issue somewhat. 2 did an ok job of also exploring it but neither played the angle as well as they could have.

Note 2: Sky High’s heroes might have a hero school but they still have secret identities and day jobs.

[ollieofthebeholder]

leaves too high to touch (roots too strong to fall): a TMA fanfic

Tumblr tag || Also on AO3

Chapter 31: Jon

Fortunately for Jon’s nerves, Halloween week means Research is inundated with statements, mostly false ones, so the first week following Tim’s ill-advised adventure means they’re all helping out with disproving piles of utter nonsense, which in turn means none of his assistants putting themselves in harm’s way. They do get a live statement midway through the week, in the form of the exterminator who handled Jane Prentiss’ body, but as there’s nothing to really investigate regarding his statement, that’s harmless enough. Tim insists on sitting in on the statement, and against his better judgment, Jon agrees.

It’s probably a mistake, though, as over the course of the following week Tim begins having frequent headaches. They seem to pass quickly, at least at first, but they get progressively worse. Martin adds a box of ginger tea to their stash; Sasha keeps a giant bottle of paracetamol at her desk; Jon tries to reduce Tim’s workload as much as possible. Tim only accepts the first two. It worries Jon how hard Tim is throwing himself into the research, regardless of how much the others tell him he doesn’t have to make up for lost time. Even Jon Prime expresses concern, in a careful, hesitant way.

Martin Prime, on the other hand, is a lot less careful and a lot more blunt, telling Tim not to be a self-sacrificing idiot and to stop tearing himself apart trying to draw attention away from the others, because it won’t help anyone if he gets hurt, or worse. Tim laughs, but the look on his face and especially on Jon Prime’s face makes Jon hold onto Tim extra tightly that night.

In the long run, and even in the short run, it doesn’t help. Three weeks into November, Martin finds Tim crumpled in a ball on the floor in the depths of the shelves, clutching his temples and barely conscious. The mental image of Martin, pale and frightened, cradling Tim in his arms like an infant and striding across the Archives as if he weighs nothing isn’t going to leave Jon in a hurry. The doctor at the clinic can’t find any obvious cause for the headaches, but he recommends Tim go home and rest and Jon is only too happy to sign off on that.

He makes him stay home the next morning, too. Tim doesn’t argue, which tells Jon he probably really isn’t feeling all that great. He does promise to get rest, not strain his eyes, and definitely not go off on any unauthorized field trips—all of which Martin is very emphatic about. (Jon’s never actually seen Martin in full mother bear mode, and he decides it’s best for his sanity not to admit that he finds it weirdly attractive.) Martin makes him a cup of tea before they leave and reports, when he comes back to join Jon, that Tim’s fallen back asleep again.

The morning is fairly straightforward. Sasha and Martin work on their usual research work; Jon has a stack of statements to record. Mostly these days he only does the ones that are going to end up on the Discredited shelf, the ones he can record on his laptop, tending to leave the real ones for Jon Prime. Still, there are literally thousands of statements in the Archives, and Jon is prepared to bet even money that no more than ten percent of them are actually real. While that’s still probably enough to sustain both him and Jon Prime for the rest of their natural lives, even if they never get another live statement in, he does still have to record the others. He’d grumble about him and his stupid ideas if he didn’t now have seventeen months’ worth of examples of ideas far stupider than suggesting to his boss that he make audio recordings of the statements in the Archives, and not just his own.

Jon powers through about a dozen statements, narrating them into his laptop and supplementing with his team’s research. He’s just finishing a scathing indictment of a would-be writer who claims to have stayed in a cottage with a haunted lamp when the door cracks open and Martin pops his head in. He catches Jon’s eye and smiles, then waits until Jon signs off the recording before speaking. “Hey. Lunch?”

“Thank you, but I think I’ll do a couple more of these first.” Jon gestures to the rapidly-diminishing stack on the right side of his desk. “I’m on a roll.”

“Better than being on a sesame-seed bun. I’m going to call and check on Tim while I’m at it, unless you’d rather?”

“Go ahead. Ask him if he wants us to bring anything home tonight.” Jon offers Martin a smile. “Enjoy your lunch.”

Martin smiles back, his cheeks turning faintly pink. He nods and withdraws from Jon’s office.

Jon finishes two more digital statements and then pulls over the next one and begins to dictate it. Even before he gets done with the introduction, however, he can feel the static on his tongue and stops. Playback confirms his suspicion—this is a real one. Somehow, they missed it.

He skims the file. He remembers this one now—a claim of a still-living mummy in a tomb containing ancient dice and nothing else. Sasha, who, in her own words, “went through an Egyptology phase like every other girl in the nineties”, wrote out a list of every reason she could think of that the description of the tomb didn’t make sense. Even Tim’s charm wasn’t enough to get any help from the Egyptian government, and since all the names were fake except the statement giver’s, all Martin has been able to find out is that she’s currently training to be a teacher. Even with everything they know, it seems…unrealistic.

But as he flips a page over, it dislodges a sticky note from the back of the folder. Jon catches it as it flutters through the air. It’s Tim’s handwriting, and it glitters faintly, which makes Jon frown—not because he objects to glitter ink (although if they use it on anything official he doesn’t want to imagine what Elias will have to say), but because Tim’s only been using these pens for a couple of weeks, since he traded Charlie one of his old fountain pens for the pack. Which means Tim went back and added something recently.

Jon studies the note. The first words are scratched out, but the rest is easily legible: I think this one is real.

For a moment, Jon considers leaving the statement for Jon Prime to read, but he finds he can’t. Now that he’s started speaking it aloud, he has to finished. Damn it. With a sigh, he sets up the tape recorder, then checks to make sure his secondary recorder has a tape in it. He depresses the RECORD button on both and picks up the paper again.

“Statement of Donna Gwynne, regarding an unlicensed archaeological dig near the Red Sea in Egypt,” he begins.

He always sinks into the statements, at least when they’re real—which is good, because once he finishes, it’s hard for him to keep his contempt for Ms. Gwynne out of his voice as he dictates the results, such as they are, on the follow-up. Certainly he has no qualms admitting that he’s somewhat satisfied the woman is being forced into a job she’s stated repeatedly she hates the idea of.

“I feel anyone who brings me a statement about mummies deserves everything they get,” he concludes. “I’m just glad she doesn’t live in London. End recording.”

He presses the STOP button on both recorders, then hesitates. He started recording secondary back-up tapes after Michael’s visit, partly out of growing paranoia and partly so that he would have a record in case anything happened, and he’s never really stopped. He needs to let the others know about it, he just…hasn’t yet.

Sighing, he pops out the official tape and labels it, then sets it with the file before drawing the second recorder towards himself and pressing RECORD.

“Supplemental,” he says. “I’m…worried about Tim. His headaches have grown so severe over the last week that I actually had to make him stay home today. I’m sure they have something to do with these statements, with the research and all of it, but I don’t know how to prove it. And I don’t know why he’s looking into statements we’ve theoretically finished the research on. I’m…grateful, of course, that he spotted that this one was probably real, although I wish he’d left the note in a more obvious place, but I don’t know why he was even looking, let alone how he figured it out. There’s no supplemental research, no notes other than the single sticky note he put in the back. I can’t quite make out the first word, as it’s been heavily scratched out, except that it starts with a V or a W. The next two are also scratched out, but it’s a little easier to make out: The End, with a question mark. He wasn’t sure, but—of course, it’s fairly obvious. What else would mummies be? And there’s a parallel to—”

The door to his office opens abruptly, and a voice that does not belong to one of his assistants says, “Excuse me, do you have a moment?”

Jon almost topples his chair over backwards, despite the fact that the small part of his brain hanging onto rationality points out that an entity of fear likely wouldn’t be so (relatively) polite about interrupting him. A second later, the rest of his brain catches onto the magenta-tipped brown asymmetrical pixie cut, the string of black stars dangling from one ear, and the expression that manages to be somehow disdainful, sheepish, and concerned all at the same time.

“Miss King—uh—how did you get in here?” he manages, hoping he doesn’t sound like she almost gave him a heart attack.

“Sasha let me in.” Melanie King steps fully into his office and lets the door close behind her. “Are you all right?”

“Hmm? Sorry?” Jon tries to look nonchalant as he shuffles Ms. Gwynne’s statement to the bottom of the stack.

“You look like hell,” Melanie tells him.

“It’s been a rough few months.” Jon feels his old prickliness rising up in him, feels the need to puff up and bluster, but then he stops, collects himself, and really looks at Melanie. There’s a slump to her shoulders, a weariness in her bearing, and dark circles like bruises under her eyes, which look…well, haunted. “And if I look like hell, you must be in a far lower circle than I am. Are you all right?”

Melanie seems surprised that he asked, which, fair enough. “Fine. I—um—I actually need your help.”

Dread creeps up Jon’s spine, but all he says is, “Interesting.”

“All right, can you not be an arsehole about it?” Melanie snaps, visibly bristling. “I just need access to your library.”

“So talk to Diana. She runs the place,” Jon points out.

“Yeah, I don’t exactly have the academic credentials you guys demand, so apparently I need someone to vouch for me,” Melanie says. Jon sighs in annoyance, not at Melanie or her tone, but at the generations of stuffy, upper-class white men who equate university degrees with value. “And you’re basically the closest thing I have to a friend here.”

Jon can’t help but laugh at that. “We’ve spoken once, and we ended up screaming at each other—”

“Yes! And that’s more than I have with anyone else here.” Melanie tugs at her hair in frustration, hard enough that Jon’s afraid she might actually yank it out of her scalp by the roots. “Also, uh, Georgie actually has some nice things to say about you. That came as a surprise. You didn’t even tell me you knew her.”

It surprises Jon, too, enough that he blurts out the honest truth without thinking. “It was a long time ago—before she started doing What the Ghost. I didn’t think she would have anything nice to say about me, to be honest. We didn’t exactly part on the best of terms.”

Melanie hums skeptically at him. Jon almost tells her everything, but catches himself. “Look, what exactly do you need from us, anyway? Can’t your showbiz friends help you?”

“No,” Melanie snaps. “I’m, uh—most of them won’t talk to me anymore.”

“What happened? Did word get round you’d talked to us ‘credulous idiots’?”

“Not exactly. In my business, your reputation is all that you have. The industry is full of skeptics pretending to be believers pretending to be skeptics.”

Jon almost snipes at her that the word she wants is charlatans, but one look at her expression and his heart isn’t in it anymore. He thinks about the Primes’ description of her as an Archival assistant, the “painting” from Martin Prime’s statement about his journey back in time, the slightly wistful look in Jon Prime’s eye when he talked about her resignation. And then he looks at her now, determined and angry and despairing all at once, and he resolves, then and there, not to ever let her get to that point.

He’s the closest thing she has to a friend? Fair enough. They’re going to get closer to that even if he has to do all the work himself.

“And none of them are helpful,” he guesses.

Melanie starts to bristle at him, then sighs heavily. “Look, Ghost Hunt UK split up. I mean, not formally, but, you know, Pete was always a flake, and the others just…drifted away.”

“I’m sorry,” Jon says, as gently as he can. “I did notice you weren’t updating anymore.” It’s a bit of a white lie—the Primes told him that—but she doesn’t need to know, not now.

Melanie continues, rambling a bit about her attempts to get a new crew together, then her solo expeditions ending in disaster. Jon can’t help the noise of shock and concern that slips out of his throat when she mentions getting arrested; she evidently takes it as interest and gives him the whole story. “After that…”

“Your reputation went with it,” Jon concludes.

Melanie looks away. The set of her jaw suggests she’s trying to hang onto her resentment, but also trying not to cry. “Yes,” she says tightly. “Look, I have leads that I really need to follow up on, and as far as my colleagues are concerned these days, I’m the ghost.”

Jon nods. “All right. Come on, then.”

Melanie looks back at him, obviously startled. “What?”

“Come on,” Jon repeats. “I’ll take you up to the library and vouch for you. If all else fails, I can claim we’re borrowing you as an adjunct for a few weeks or something. U-unless you’d rather wait?”

“Oh,” Melanie says, sounding taken aback. “No, the sooner the better. I—just expected a bit more of a fight, to be honest.”

“Yes, well, I know what it’s like to be itching to follow up on a lead and have your every effort frustrated. And I believe I owe you for being…dismissive of you before.” Jon suddenly realizes he hasn’t turned off his tape recorder. “Uh, end supplemental.” He presses the STOP button and stows the recorder in his desk, then gestures for Melanie to head out of the office.

Martin is just hanging his jacket on the back of his chair when they emerge; he looks up and offers Jon a slight smile, which freezes when he sees Melanie. “Uh…heading to lunch?”

“Eventually, but I’m going to see if I can convince Diana to let Miss King here use the library,” Jon tells him. “Unless you’d rather.”

Martin laughs nervously. “That would have the opposite effect, trust me. Besides, I, uh, talked to Tim.”

Jon bites back the hot words he wants to unleash in Diana’s direction. “How is he?”

“Fine, he says, and I believe him, but he asked if I would—” Martin hesitates for no more than a split second, then flicks a finger very quickly in the direction of the trapdoor “—run something down for him?”

In other words, Tim has a question he thinks the Primes can answer. Jon nods slowly. “All right. Just be…cautious. I don’t want a repeat of last month’s incident.”

Martin shakes his head vigorously. “Nope. No incidents. Nope. I’ll be back up before you get back from lunch.”

“Right.” Jon offers Martin a warm smile, which Martin returns, before leading Melanie over to the stairs.

Melanie, for a wonder, stays silent until they’re back up on the main floor, then says, “Does ‘last month’s incident’ have anything to do with all those scars he’s got?”

Jon bristles at the implied criticism of Martin’s appearance. “Those are months old. Did you not see the worms when you were here last time? We had an…infestation. It came to a head a couple weeks after your last visit. He was badly injured.” His voice shakes slightly as he says it. Even close to seven months later, he still has trouble sometimes shaking the memories of the black terror of that night.

“I’m sorry.” Melanie actually seems to mean it. “He seems all right now, though.”

“As I said, it was some time ago and he’s had time to heal. Last month’s incident was…it didn’t leave physical scars, but one of my other assistants looked into something he oughtn’t have.” Jon pauses. They’re just rounding the landing towards the first floor—the library actually spans the entire height of the building, save the basement, but for reasons he’s never understood the only way in or out is in the middle—and it’s deserted this time of day. Sound has a way of carrying, but they should be safe enough here if he speaks honestly, as long as he keeps his voice down. “He ran into your Sarah Baldwin.”

Melanie stiffens, but when she speaks, she manages to sound derisive. “You were just looking into my statement?”

“I contacted you when we initially did the research,” Jon reminds her. She grunts, either in acknowledgment or impatience. “This was a completely unrelated incident. I told you, I owe you for being dismissive before. You were right.”

“I wish I was recording this.”

“All right, no need to be—” Jon checks his temper. “Look. She’s dangerous. Or at least she belongs to something dangerous. You were extremely lucky to walk away in one piece.”

Something in Melanie’s face shifts. “Related to…whatever was at the CMH?”

“I—I don’t know. I don’t think so. I think they’re separate, but…there were things we know now that we didn’t know then. We may have to revisit your case.”

“Just so you don’t ask me more questions. I’m still having nightmares about it.” Melanie shoots him a glare. “You’re in them now, too, so thanks for that.”

Jon winces. “Ah…yes. I didn’t know about that at the time, either. I suppose I owe you an apology.”

“What?”

“Look, do you want to do the library today, or come back to the Archives and interrogate me? I can explain more, but it’s not something I want to do on the stairwell,” Jon says impatiently. Elias Bouchard’s office is on the first floor as well, and the last thing he wants is Elias actually listening to this conversation.

Melanie stares at him for a minute, then sighs. “Library. The less I have to talk to you, the better.”

Which is fair enough, Jon supposes. “All right, then. This way.”

Rosie’s office, door open, is just at the top of the stairs; from the way she peers over her computer monitor at them, Jon guesses she at least heard their voices, if not what they were actually saying. Melanie glances over her shoulder as they pass. “Why is she staring at us?”

“That’s Rosie.” Just about anyone who has reason to pass her door calls her “Nosy Rosie”, actually, but Jon isn’t going to mention that in earshot; despite all appearances, he’s not a complete arse. “She’s Elias Bouchard’s personal assistant. It…behooves her to keep her finger on the Institute’s pulse, I suppose.”

“She’s a snoop, in other words.”

Jon can’t help a small, humorless chuckle. “Aren’t we all.”

Between the door to Elias’s office and the library, at the end of the corridor, there’s a room with an incredibly solid door, firmly shut. It’s one of only two interior doors original to the Institute, the other being the library’s, and as such it’s windowless. It’s also unlabeled. Melanie eyeballs it. “What’s in there?”

“Artifact Storage.”

“So…what, haunted dolls, cursed music boxes, weapons belonging to serial killers…”

Jon stops and shoots Melanie a look. She shrugs, completely unrepentant. “All right, so I’m curious. Sue me. Not like I’m going to ask to go in.”

“Good, because I wouldn’t let you,” Jon tells her firmly. “It’s not a museum. It’s more of a…science lab, I suppose. They keep artifacts in there, yes, but they also study them, attempt to replicate their effects or discover why they do things.”

“Hmm.” Melanie studies the door for a second. Jon’s about a step away from grabbing her by the elbow and dragging her away when she falls into step with him. “You go in there a lot, do you?”

“Not if I can help it.” Jon leads Melanie to the end of the hall and the ornate double doors of the library, then pushes one open and ushers her inside.

Melanie’s jaw drops, which is the usual reaction among employees seeing it for the first time, from what Jon’s been told and what little he’s experienced. Three stories high, with balconies ringing the upper two, it’s near floor-to-ceiling shelves, every one packed with books. Tables and chairs litter the ground floor, and here and there on the upper levels are smaller rooms for private study. A bored-looking junior clerk sits behind a curved, ornate wooden desk with her back to the dizzying drop, filing her nails; elsewhere, other library assistants sort, stack, and shelve books from carts and precarious stacks.

“I always thought it looked like the library from Beauty and the Beast,” Jon admits in a low voice. From the startled look Melanie shoots him, she was thinking the same thing. “Come on. I’ll try and track down Diana.”

“What can I do for you?”

Jon and Melanie both jump at the boisterous, barely-contained voice from behind them. Whirling around, Jon takes a deep, steadying breath. “Diana. I…didn’t see you there.”

“That’s unusual.” Diana smiles—almost leers—down at Jon. In height and in breadth, she can give Martin a run for his money, and she towers over the two of them. Melanie nips smartly behind Jon, and he throws her a look. “What can I do for you? New assistant?”

“Ah—no. Diana Caxton, Melanie King.”

“The ghost hunter?” Diana raises one impeccably sculpted eyebrow almost into her hairline.

“Y-yes,” Melanie manages to choke out.

Jon takes a half-step back so he isn’t looking up Diana’s nose. “Miss King needs to use the library for some research. I know she’s not the…usual student type, but I’m willing to vouch for her seriousness, as well as her right to be here. I’m certain she will treat the books with the respect and care they deserve. And the subject matter, of course.”

Diana’s eyebrow raises higher. “You’re not going to put this in your show, are you?”

She says this at a normal volume, and a number of nearby heads snap towards them. Jon fights the instinctive urge to shrink into himself and hide. Melanie, on the other hand, folds her arms over her chest and manages to meet Diana’s eyes. “No, ma’am. I just need to follow up on some leads to make sure I’m informed enough on my end to go places safely.”

She’s lying. Jon knows intuitively she’s lying, but he keeps his face carefully blank. Diana studies Melanie from her great height, then finally nods. “Have to run it by Mr. Bouchard first, but I’m sure he’ll agree. I’ll have a ninety-day pass set up for you at the front desk. Come by tomorrow morning and we’ll get you started.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

“Oh, Jon,” Diana says as Jon starts to turn away and lead Melanie back to the front. “Do tell Martin hello, will you? I hope he brightens your Archives as much as he brightened our library. We miss his smiling face up here. Tell him he’s welcome any time.”

“I—of course,” Jon says, not sure what else to say.

Melanie waits until they hit the landing to ask in an undertone, “Is Martin the one who said—?”

“Yes,” Jon says shortly. He’s going to have a talk with Martin about his self-esteem issues, not that he can really be throwing stones. But Diana seemed to genuinely mean it.

He bids Melanie farewell at the front door, then ducks into the canteen to grab a sandwich before heading down to the Archives again. Sasha’s there, making herself a cup of tea. She looks up and smiles when she sees Jon, but her expression turns puzzled. “Hi. I thought you’d be at lunch with Martin or something.”

“He’s…running something down for Tim,” Jon says carefully. Worry churns at his gut.

Before Sasha can respond, though, the trapdoor opens and Martin comes out. His face is pale and he looks shaken, which doesn’t help Jon’s worry. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing. I don’t know.” Martin carefully shuts the door and comes back over. “Tell you later.”

They don’t say anything else about it. Not then. But at the end of the day when they lock up the Archives, Sasha loops one arm through Jon’s and the other through Martin’s. “Mind if I invite myself over?”

“Yes, we can’t stand you and we’re thoroughly glad to get rid of you at the end of the day,” Jon deadpans, eliciting a tiny smile out of her. “Thank God you don’t live with us or we’d be constantly miserable. Oh—Martin, I forgot to ask, did Tim want us to bring anything home?”

“He said he’d put in an order at that takeaway place for us to pick up on the way.” Martin’s voice is unusually soft, and it makes Jon’s worry compound.

Tim looks a lot better when they get in the door, white boxes in hand. He greets them with a smile, which vanishes instantly when he sees Martin. “Oh, God, what? What happened? What is it?”

Martin shrugs out of his jacket. “Well, I asked them.”

“And?” Tim prompts, voice full of dread.

Martin sighs. “And they didn’t know.”

Tim blinks. “What?”

“They didn’t know. Had no idea what I was talking about. I’ve never seen Jon Prime look that confused.” Martin reaches for Sasha’s jacket, but she takes his instead and hangs them both up. “They were considering coming over tonight, but Martin Prime thought you might want to talk to us first.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s…probably not a bad idea.” Tim runs a hand through his hair. “Fuck.”

“Let’s eat. Then you can explain,” Sasha suggests.

Dinner is largely silent, except for the scrape of fork on plate. Jon does explain the purpose of Melanie’s visit to the others, and Martin frowns slightly when he repeats Diana’s words, but doesn’t say anything. Once they’ve all eaten and cleaned up, they head back into the living room to talk.

Tim sits on the edge of the loveseat, elbows resting on his thighs and hands clasped beneath his chin. “Where do we start?”

Sasha nudges Martin’s ankle with her foot. “What were you asking the Primes about?”

“Tim told me to ask them about ‘the color of fears’,” Martin replies. “They didn’t know what I meant. I didn’t know what I meant, except…” He looks up at Tim. “Except I think it has to do with your headaches.”

“It does,” Tim confirms. He takes a deep breath. “It’s…something I’ve been noticing lately. Since the Trophy Room, really. When I was there…when Daniel Rawlings looked me in the eye? His eyes were glowing. Like there was a light inside them. Right proper spooky. And when I got back to the Archives that day…I thought you’d put special bulbs in or something, at first, but I blinked and it went away. Then I was talking to you, Jon, and your eyes were glowing, too.”

“My what?” Jon touches the corner of his eye gingerly, like he can feel the luminescence.

Tim manages a small grin. “It’s not…it went away when I blinked, too, and I thought I was just imagining things. But it’s been getting…worse. Random flashes at first, but when the exterminator came in…he glowed for a second, too. After I sat in on that, it started getting stronger.”

“Hence the headaches,” Jon says. “Tim, why didn’t you—”

“I wasn’t sure. And…well, I wanted to experiment a bit. Because, see, here’s the thing. Rawlings’ eyes—when they glowed, they were this deep indigo, but the Archives, and your eyes and Sasha’s—and Martin’s lips once or twice—they glowed green. The exterminator was kind of green, too, but it was kind of a greenish-yellow, really, and the next day I—” Tim flushes and looks up at Martin. “I was watching you, and—your scars started glowing. Same color as the exterminator did, but your mouth was still the darker green, it’s how I could tell they were different colors. So…I started thinking, maybe that meant something?”

“Oh, God,” Martin says softly. “The marks.”

“Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking,” Tim says. “I—I’ve been sort of trying with some of the statements. It’s hard to see with them, really, because everything in the Archives glows green just about, and if I try too hard I get the headaches. But sometimes I could…pick out different colors in them, kind of. Sort of. Mostly. I-I thought maybe if I could look at them and see the fears’ marks…”

“You’d know which ones were real,” Jon completes. Tim nods. “You still shouldn’t have done that without telling us.”

“I know. Especially…well, I thought I could handle it. I’ve been getting better at only seeing them when I try to, and I thought I’d—give it a shot. I walked back into the shelves yesterday and just…let loose with my eyes. I tried to See what was on the couple of shelves nearest.” Tim sighs heavily. “But it was—it was overwhelming. There was just so much. It was like—like standing in the middle of a room made out of mirrors, and someone was shining all sorts of different colored lasers at them, and they were just bouncing off and refracting and amplifying and going everywhere. Like I was drowning in color, or like it was screaming at me. I can’t really explain it, but it was too much and, well, that’s when you found me.”

Martin exhales heavily. “Christ, Tim, that scared the hell out of me.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have tried that without warning you all. I-I really didn’t think it would be that bad.”

Jon bites his lip. “Is that how you knew—that statement, Ms. Gwynne’s, about the mummy?”

Sasha frowns. “The one that reads like the plot of a knockoff of a Brendan Fraser film?”

“Yes. I went to record it today and—it came out distorted. I didn’t see the note until after I realized it didn’t work on the laptop, but…Tim thought it might be real.”

Tim nods. “Yeah. I looked back over some of them. Started off with the ones we knew were real, and then I started looking at a couple that we weren’t sure of. That one…I wasn’t sure, but I think it’s the End?”

“Makes sense. Mummies. Death,” Martin murmurs.

“It was white. I mean—when I looked at it hard enough, it glowed white. Or at least I think it did,” Tim says. “Made the green kind of…pale, anyway. The other ones we’ve marked as being Terminus statements were the same color. But the problem is that the green of the Eye is so strong, it’s hard to really be sure what other colors there are, except if I’m looking at a person who’s been marked. That’s why I was asking about the color of fears. I-I was kind of hoping the Primes would be able to confirm what I’m thinking, but—”

“But they had no idea,” Martin completes. “Which means that, unless I just explained it very badly, Jon Prime can’t see those colors. Can’t see the marks.”

Jon rubs his temples. “I suppose it’s good to know that I don’t have to consider that, but…why? Why can you see the marks when the rest of us can’t?”

Sasha gets a faraway look in her eyes, and there’s a faint sound of static as she says, “Because that’s what’s important to Tim. Knowing when danger is coming, what danger is coming. You said yourself, Tim, you’re going to help and you’re going to do whatever you can to protect us. The Eye gave you the ability to Know what entities are around, or have got hold of someone or something, because it knows you’ll lean into that and use it for good as long as you can, up until it’s got a tight enough hold on you that you can’t get away, even if you want to.” She blinks hard, and the static fades as she puts a hand over her mouth. “Oh—oh, God, sorry, I—”

“It’s fine.” Tim manages a smile for her, but there’s a look of distress in his eyes. “It’s good to know.”

Jon’s distressed, too. “Tim you should have told us. Jon Prime’s been working with us on control, if we’d known you had powers already we’d have—he should be helping you, too. You can’t—” He takes a deep breath. “Promise me you won’t keep this sort of thing to yourself anymore.”

Tim reaches over and squeezes Jon’s hand. “I promise. No more unauthorized research, of any kind. I won’t even check books out of the library without telling you what I’m after first.”

“I appreciate that.” Jon smiles and squeezes Tim’s hand back. “Now then. Someone get a notebook and pen. We need to write down as much of this as we can.”

[rowankingsleyy]

Like this if you want to plot with Rowan and I’ll come ramble

NAME: ROWAN JESSAMINE KINGSLEY

NICKNAMES: Ro, Winnie (close friends only)

AGE: 28

PRONOUNS: She/Her

OCCUPATION: Published Author/Freelance Baker

HEIGHT: 5′1

BIRTHDAY: May 11th, 1992

ZODIAC SIGN: Taurus

PARENTS: Cassandra and Tony Kingsley

SIBLINGS: Damien Kingsley

ALIGNMENT: Neutral Good

MBTI: ISFJ

MORE UNDER THE READ MORE =)

TW: domestic violence, sexual assault, anxiety, eating disorders, mention of death, illness, drugs

SEQUENCE OF EVENTS

Rowan was born to Cassandra and Tony Kingsley in the early summer of 1992, at which point things were already strained between the two-some because of Tony’s alcohol problem and Cassie’s generally meek personality.

Rowan’s brother took a leading role in her care from a very young age, not just because her dad was useless, but also because their mother was so distracted by her need to please Tony that she dropped the ball often.

Both her brother and her saw things they certainly shouldn’t have, were told things that no children should be told, and occasionally went without for no reason other than Tony liking control, but he never hurt them physically.  However, he did hurt their mother.  

Less than a year after her brother turned 18 and moved out of the house, their mother died of an aneurysm suddenly and unexpectedly.

Despite how Rowan’s father treated her mother, the loss of her broke him and send him on a 3 month bender that only ended because he was booked with vehicular manslaughter and his 3rd DWI.

Luckily, Rowan only spent a few weeks in foster care before the court allowed her brother to assume custody over her.

From the moment her brother joined, the Valencia became her family.  The women, wives and daughters of the organization were the people who taught her everything she knows about being a girl, doing make up, doing her hair, navigating boys.  (This is probably why she went through a blue eyeshadow phase at 17)

Rowan is a textbook overachiever and perfectionist, she always had all As, was always in 6 clubs, and held officer positions in every single one including the dance team.  While she did hold officer positions, she never really was one to take front and center--she prefers the positions of the people behind the scenes keeping things together.  (secretary, treasurer, anything that has to do with organizational skills.

While over her high school years she wrote a lot, and even published one of her short stories in a local newspaper, she didn’t write her first full novel until she went away to college at 18.  No one ever read that novel, it hit the trash during its 5th round of editing.

At 18 she received a full scholarship to the University of Nevada--Reno and left Red Ridge for the first time to go to school first time.  She lived in the dorms all 4.5 years and graduated with a degree in English, minoring in Psychology.

If you ever ask Rowan what she’s afraid of, she’ll tell you losing control again.  She notes two prominent times of completely losing control over her life, one fairly recent, and the other while she was away at college.  While she was away, she went out fairly often with her friends and one night someone slipped something into her drink.  Nothing happened, she made it home without incident, but the way it made her feel, the way she felt victimized or the potential of being so set her off.  She had two drop three of her classes and extend her time in college an extra semester because of how hard she spun out, trying to control things that she wouldn’t typically even think about.  She started her senior year 20 pounds lighter with 0% of the friends she had started her Junior year with.

While she was away at college her brother became a father, which meant frequent trips home to visit and help out with her niece who quickly meant enough to her to be her own.    

She returned home from school at 23 and worked in a bakery until she could live off of her cookie business (at 25 her cookie business was self sufficient).  

While she was growing her bakery cookie business, she began writing her first professional novel and completed it at 26.  She sold it that very same year, and published it at 27.

While it changed her life or the better and got her foot in the door with the publishing world, publishing her book also led to the the single most traumatizing thing she has ever experienced.  

While she was marketing her book, the marketing manager became very demanding of Rowan and her time, which often led to them being together very late at night.  One night, while out of town for a book reading, he pushed himself on Rowan.  This assault led to the second occurrence of Rowan losing complete control and her life suffering because of it.

After the assault, Rowan threatened to blow the whistle, and in return he threatened her career so she is still with that publishing company with him as her marketing manager.  

As of now, Rowan is in the process of getting her second book published, filling in as mom as best she can for her niece, running her cookie business and holding cookie classes, and trying to make amends for the bonds she broke when she spun out last.

TENDENCIES

Because of how contentious Rowan’s early childhood was, she has a pretty anxious mind that is always running on 100.  Her thoughts come a mile a minute and they can be pretty difficult to stop.  Melatonin is her best friend.  

When she loses control over things in her life (hELLO we meet again control-less childhood) she controls everything she can, and that manifests differently every time.  Controlling what she eats to the point of malnourishment, controlling every single word of what she’s writing, putting herself on lockdown until whatever she’s working on is      p e r f e c t.  

She fixates on her mistakes, in high school if she answered to the wrong name during roll she would be thinking about it for the rest of the day.

She bakes in excess when she’s trying to think through something, the measurements and muscle memory movements help calm her brain into being able to process whatever is on her mind.

She’s always been a writer, from the very first time she had to write in her 4th grade ELA class.  That only grew through Middle and High School creative writing classes.  She’s always loved exploring the stories and that it was something that she could perfect through six or seven round of editing.

Sticky notes cover her bedroom walls because of how quickly her thoughts come and go, her ideas for books do NOT come in order and she can often be found starring at her walls with her little scribbles trying to figure out what order they should go in.

For someone who would be considered the ‘bright & shiny’ type, she has a thing for researching and watching shows about serial killers.  She can rattle off facts like its her day job.  

Because of how quiet she can be, sometimes folks assume she’s innocent or that she doesn’t know anything, but in reality the opposite is true.  She’s spent so much time watching and analyzing everyone and everything that she knows much more that she lets on or that any civilian should.

She learned how to play guitar in college (not very well) and is a pretty damn good singer, but she’d never be the type to want to be front and center in front of a crowd.  She mostly uses these talents as a means to an end in writing mini stories with lyrics.  It appeases her in the in between period of having finished a book and being able to start a new one.

All floral, all the time.  Enough said.

GENUINELY afraid of birds and giant frogs

I’ll probably add to this it’s 1am and I’m tired.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

**ex boyfriend, who she really fucked up with.  message for more**

high school friends/enemies

someone who works in the bakery with her

women who influenced her growing up within Valencia

Valencia members who are like family

someone who mentored her in her baking

friends she lost when she spun out during college

literally anything

ESTABLISHED CONNECTIONS

wherever i go, you bring me home Damien Kingsley// her brother.  her parent.  rowan is extremely close to her brother, as kids they were all each other had.  he’s done everything he could to give her a normal childhood, to make up for her parents’ lapses.  she would do just about anything for him or his daughter.  

can't stop staring, at those oceans eyes, burning cities, and napalm skies. fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes Lev Yegorov// no title.  but he’s the only man who has ever quieted her brain long enough for her to both lose her breath and catch it.  they’ve kissed a few times and have something comparable to a magnetic field between them, but lev broke it off out of respect for her brother.

i'll stand up with you forever, i'll be there for you through it all Natalie Cassadaga// her sister.  they may not have grown up together, they bonded to an extent that would have been unfathomable had she not experienced it.  barring childhood, they’re sisters, no buts.

i’m a mess, i’m a loser, i’m a hater, i’m a user Freddie Dawson// her confidant.  this is the only person outside of nat who gets to see rowan admit to being a mess.  freddie gets the 100% honest version of rowan, usually with a little bit of liquid courage.

you can leave me in the dark if that's all I get from you ??????? OPEN // her ex.  they dated in secret for 8 months before her assault.  when she spun out after the assault, she didn’t tell him and she pushed him away.  she fucked up the relationship, but she’s a little bitter about how easily he gave up on her.  

'cause they’re gonna tell you all the rules to break, to take away that light OPEN // her roommate.  the boldness to rowan’s softness.  how different they are makes them work, they bring balance to each other (and rationalize the one another when they go too far).  

If you’ve made it this far, you deserve a baby Rowan picture, here.

[theliberaltony]

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

Welcome to FiveThirtyEight’s weekly politics chat. The transcript below has been lightly edited.

sarahf (Sarah Frostenson, politics editor): This is the first debate of 2020 and the last debate before the voting starts in Iowa in less than three weeks. There are six candidates (the smallest debate stage yet), and we’ve finally published our primary forecast (!!!), which shows the field (especially in Iowa) is pretty wide open.

So how are you thinking about tonight’s debate? Do you think it has the potential to really shake things up?

clare.malone (Clare Malone, senior political writer): I think the big story on Monday — and potentially the big story of the debate — is what’s going on with the rivalry between Sens. Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders. First, there is the Sanders campaign’s talking points that reportedly had volunteers paint Warren as “the candidate of the elite.” And then a story leaked on Monday that’s pretty damn unflattering to Sanders, claiming he told Warren he didn’t think a woman could win the presidency. So … I would say there’s some jostling on the progressive end of the spectrum that could play out tonight!

ameliatd (Amelia Thomson-DeVeaux, senior writer): Definitely. One thing I’ll be watching for is whether some of the tacit alliances we’ve seen between the candidates start to break down. That story really did not reflect well on Sanders. On the other hand, it’s generally risky for women to go on the offensive in debates like these, so it might be a little tricky for Warren to turn that to her advantage.

natesilver (Nate Silver, editor in chief): Yeah, it seems like the theme of this debate is somewhat inevitably going to be SANDERS-WARREN BATTLE. Unless they really do decide to turn the other cheek.

clare.malone: I mean, I do think the Warren people have been savvier about dropping opposition research like this.

natesilver: That’s a pretty serious oppo drop.

clare.malone: Sanders’s defense is generally “the mainstream media is stirring up conflict.”

Which is true, partially, in the sense that the media is the one publishing this stuff, but there are, indeed, real tensions between those two campaigns!

natesilver: Like, 95 percent of these oppo drops are dumb as fuck, concerning things that ordinarily voters couldn’t possibly care about. But this would be a big deal if it’s somehow confirmed or if Warren repeats the accusation herself.

sarahf: Yeah, it’s amazing how fast the news cycle moves, I had thought the situation with Iran would be the dominant thread of conversation tonight, but agree that between the Selzer & Co. Iowa poll that put Sanders in first in Iowa, and now the breakdown of Warren and Sanders’s truce to not attack each other, that will be a big part of tonight’s debate. And going in, it doesn’t seem great for Sanders …

ameliatd: Warren could really benefit from getting some more support from lefty Democrats who might be undecided or mostly seem to be sticking with Sanders. But if this accusation comes off as a cheap shot from Warren, I think that could hurt her. Or at least, not endear her further to those on the left.

clare.malone: Sanders’s support is pretty sticky, though, so it’s hard for me to see her winning over any of his supporters. Honestly, at this point, I think she has to worry about losing her supporters to Sanders or Pete Buttigieg — or even Joe Biden.

natesilver: Part of the dynamic is that Sanders hasn’t really been considered a front-runner. But now the media is covering him like one, even though it’s not really clear how much has actually changed in his candidacy. (If you look at the odds in our primary model — where we ran older forecasts retroactively before we launched — Sanders’s chances of winning the majority of pledged delegates have been pretty steady since November.)

sarahf: So let’s say tonight is the Sanders “wine cave” edition, where he’s at the center of attacks like Buttigieg was in the December debate. That debate seemed to have actually dampened some enthusiasm for Buttigieg — for instance, he fell pretty substantially in that Selzer poll from where he was in November. Do we see Sanders as the candidate tonight who has the most at stake? What about Biden? He is after all, the front-runner in our model even if he’s not the clear favorite to win; i.e., he’s still an underdog relative to the rest of the field.

natesilver: So on the one hand, I agree that Sanders’s support is likely to be pretty sticky, as Clare puts it. There’s evidence from polls that his supporters are the most firmly committed to any one candidate. But on the other hand, he hasn’t really gotten the same front-runner-type scrutiny that Warren DID get at some points this fall. So whether he holds up, once that level of scrutiny is applied, is very much up in the air.

ameliatd: And it’s not a low-stakes debate for Warren either, because she’s been actively trying to revitalize her campaign. When I was in Iowa on a reporting trip a few weeks ago, she was kind of trying to hit the “reset” button by hammering her core message on corruption and the economy. And of course, she’s now campaigning with Julián Castro.

clare.malone: I mean, we’ll just have to wait and see what the attacks are. I’m not entirely sure Warren, for instance, would go for “Bernie is sexist” on stage. That just doesn’t seem like her temperament. I would expect more of an attack on Sanders from Warren to be like, “his plans are implausible and therefore, bad for the general election.” But then again, he could also push back (as he’s been doing on the campaign trail), saying that HE is actually the most electable in a general. And there’s some truth to it, especially in comparison to Warren. Our polling with Ipsos shows the same thing — voters generally rate Sanders next after Biden in terms of his ability to defeat Trump.

Also, Sanders benefits from everyone kinda knowing what his thing is — socialism, baby! — which takes some of the sting out of “he’s too far out there!!” attacks. The brand is strong, as the kids say.

sarahf: Right, but to Amelia’s point, tonight could be a big night for Warren. She was only 3 points behind Sanders in that Selzer poll, which is a good sign for her considering her national numbers had dipped in late November and through December. And you can already see the slightest of upticks already in our national polling average:

geoffrey.skelley (Geoffrey Skelley, elections analyst): Yeah, that Selzer poll had Sanders in the lead in Iowa as we’ve discussed, but then that Monmouth poll out on Monday showed Biden in the lead with 24 percent in Iowa and Sanders in second at 18 percent, suggesting that Iowa is very wide open and very difficult to predict.

clare.malone: Like the state itself!

sarahf: Right, Biden is either in first or fourth, depending on which poll you look at.

geoffrey.skelley: So far, the debates haven’t seemed to have affected the polls all that much, at least not since Sen. Kamala Harris’s surge after the June debate.

The first Democratic debate shifted polls the most

Average change* in national polls and the candidates who moved the most after the first four Democratic primary debates

Debate Avg. Change Biggest gainer Biggest loser June 26-27 +/- 2.4 Harris +8.3 Biden -6.5 July 30-31 0.9 Warren +3.0 Harris -3.0 Sept. 12 1.1 Warren +4.4 Sanders -2.0 Oct. 15 1.0 Buttigieg +1.6 Warren -3.5

*Average change in national polls evaluates the average absolute change in polling averages before and after each debate across the 10 candidates with the highest post-debate polling average. Polling averages were calculated using national polls conducted during the two weeks before and two weeks after each debate.

Source: Polls

Although I haven’t run the numbers the same way for the November and December debates, one look at the polls suggests there wasn’t a dramatic shakeup after those events, either. Now, tonight’s debate could be different since there are fewer candidates and voting is right around the corner. But then again, maybe not.

clare.malone: My spidey sense is that this debate will matter, especially to Iowans. These people are tuned in to a deranged degree!

natesilver: And polls also find that a high proportion of Iowans haven’t yet made their final decision.

clare.malone: Right.

sarahf: So if many Iowans haven’t made their final decision … how many do you think are actively considering Amy Klobuchar or Tom Steyer?

Klobuchar didn’t do as well in that Selzer poll as I thought she might, given how respondents in our poll with Ipsos rated her December debate performance. Granted, a lot of time has passed since Dec. 19, but there also haven’t been that many polls.

And then Steyer had a kind of weird surge in South Carolina and Nevada? It’s too soon to really make sense of what’s happening there (although he has spent a ton of money on TV ads).

natesilver: Klobuchar is actually in a pretty weird place. She’s at 6.6 percent in our Iowa polling average, but usually candidates either rise up to at least ~15 percent in Iowa — which matters, given how the caucus process itself works — or fall back into the low single digits.

clare.malone: The Steyer stuff is interesting in the sense that yes, he’s doing well in polls, probably because of advertising in those two states that have fewer ads in general than, say, Iowa or New Hampshire. But other candidates are going to start to get into that media-market scrum. Let’s see how much those numbers stick for him.

What I will say, though, is that the ads themselves cannily talk about the economy, not impeachment or climate change, subjects with which Steyer is more closely associated.

ameliatd: Steyer has been kind of defensive, too, about the fact that he made the debate at all — the implication being that he’s only there because he spent a ton of money on ads. That makes him a potential target, particularly for someone like Sanders or Warren. But attacking him also runs the risk of making him look like a more serious threat, so it’s somewhat complicated.

clare.malone: I think he won’t really be a big factor, tbh.

natesilver: I just don’t think Steyer is very interesting.

ameliatd: Right, maybe the other candidates won’t think it’s worth their time to question why he’s even there.

natesilver: So long as he’s at 3 percent in Iowa and New Hampshire, I don’t really care where he is in Nevada and South Carolina.

clare.malone: I mean, I don’t think he’s half bad in debates! I just think the scrum will go a little more the Sanders/Warren and the Buttigieg/Klobuchar.

perry (Perry Bacon Jr., senior writer): We touched on this a bit earlier, but Biden is currently winning the race for the nomination. And I think, as a result, you are seeing blunter criticism of him. Buttigieg and Sanders have both taken Biden to task for his vote for the Iraq War, and Sanders has also criticized Biden’s record on issues of racial justice.

I’m not sure his rivals will attack Biden on Tuesday, but that’s the thing I’m watching most closely: Does anyone decide this is the last real chance to take on the person mostly likely to win? I have been confused by how much Warren’s allies are attacking Buttigieg, and now it seems like Warren is attacking Sanders — but Biden is winning!

It feels like 2016 a bit — Christie attacking Rubio instead of Trump — what is the point?

natesilver: If somehow Biden gets through the debate, and all the focus is on Sanders vs. Warren, Buttigieg, etc. — that seems like a very fortunate outcome for the former vice president.

ameliatd: Yes, Biden clearly benefited from being able to float above the fray in the December debate. And the other candidates mostly let him do that, which was a little weird.

natesilver: Biden does have a tendency to cause trouble for himself, of course.

It’s also probably worth noting that his relatively smooth debate in December has been followed up by quite a few endorsements, etc. Party elites seem to have fewer concerns than they once did about his steadiness as a candidate.

perry: Harris was kind of limited in taking on Biden, in my view, since she will be high on the VP list. But I don’t think Biden is going to pick Buttigieg, Warren or Sanders for VP, so they have very little incentive to hold back. Buttigieg, in particular, has been very good at attacking people — it would be interesting to see if one was the one to push the Iraq issue, because Biden seems, at times, unwilling to concede he voted for the war.

clare.malone: Yeah, I gotta say, that whole thing is really weird.

John Kerry, a Biden surrogate, was trying to say that other candidates were misrepresenting his record, but it’s clear as day that Biden voted for the Iraq War. If you want to complicate the narrative and say it was a mistake, and you were misled — fine. But that whole talking point is weak sauce, in my opinion.

sarahf: OK, this is our last debate before the voting starts in Iowa, and as I said at the outset of the chat — it’s pretty much a four-way race with Biden, Sanders, Warren and Buttigieg all projected to get some delegates. Biden is in the lead in our forecast, but as we’ve said in our chat, a lot of Iowans are still on the fence. What will you be keeping a close eye on tonight to see if it moves the needle at all?

perry: Biden seems poised to win the nomination — perhaps even Iowa. I’ll be watching to see whether any of the other top three really take him on — and if they do, on what issues?

ameliatd: I will be interested to see, as Perry mentioned, if Biden’s Iraq war vote — and his strange unwillingness to admit to it — gets turned against him, or if he can turn the general foreign policy conversation/discussion of what’s happening with Iran in his favor. Because in general, that’s an issue where he has a clear advantage over the other candidates.

clare.malone: I mean, it’s trite, but I’ll be curious to see what Warren and Sanders do on stage, given the conflict they’ve had. And I’ll be curious to see if Sanders, in particular, challenges Biden on a general-election electability front.

natesilver: Repeating myself a bit, but it feels to me like Sanders is liable to play a central role in this debate with perceptions that he’s now a front-runner, and those sorts of debates tend to be pretty high stakes.

ameliatd: Basically, tonight comes down to who’s taking the gloves off, and who are they going after?

[cupidmarwani-archive]

Roaring (1/?) [Cabenson]

Summary: Things were supposed to be better after Olivia came home, but they aren’t. (1920s AU)

Warnings: alcoholism, implied past sexual assault, ptsd, military/war mentions, period typical homophobia

WC This Chapter: 2151

There are certain customs Olivia has been able to abandon by now, living off her husband’s money and the two of them content to pursue their own passions. Their marriage is one of convenience and social expectation. No one would dare harass the most powerful couple on the eastern seaboard, although most know the rumors by now. It’s hard to conceal when she walks out into the party wearing a fitted pink suit. Women don’t wear pants. But Olivia does what she wants, and no one can stop her. Nothing can truly ruin her unless she’s explicitly seen “corrupting” another woman, something which she would never be so obvious about.

But her heels, her little white kitten heels she had made specifically for this party, give a commanding click to every step across the patio. Champagne bubbles drool up the sides of clear flutes, bubbly enough to imply soda should one of the clean cut new cops drop by and mention the recent ban no one follows anyways. If Olivia’s going to be arrested, it damn well better be for homosexuality and not something as petty as a glass to knock the edge off the nightmares left over from serving on the front lines.

People step aside for her. No one speaks first as far as she’s concerned. They wait for her to initiate, and if they’re lucky, maybe they’ll get longer than a few brief seconds of greeting and a tip on which bar won’t kick them out for hands wondering up the wrong skirts. Few powerful people come to these parties; they know this isn’t for them. Rafael and Olivia Barba do not host these parties for anyone but those deemed just as unruly. These years are a new era, albeit one which may not last.

It’s only Alex who Olivia cares to search for. Alex, leaning against one of the hedges in her short skirt and boxy jacket, hair tucked beneath a bucket hat Olivia bought because she knew how beautiful it would look on her. Moonlight bows before her, as pristine and yet hazy as the lamps keeping the party illuminated enough to see each other’s faces, but not enough to make it obvious the way Olivia’s husband’s hand is pressed between the legs of the newspaper delivery boy and his lips will undoubtedly leave dark marks. Those two belong to each other, as Alex and Olivia do.

“Lovely night,” Olivia says, holding out her champagne for Alex to sip from, to leave a mark of dark sticky lipstick all over. It smears easily. Beautifully. “Didn’t know if you’d make it. You have to be tired from all the marching, doll.”

“I’m never too tired for you.”

Alex leans forward for a kiss, one which provides a coating of her rouge on Olivia’s lips too, not that she necessarily minds. It’s a mark of being alive and unafraid, a mark of the freedom their nation claims to offer and yet neglects to most of its citizens. Even here, in the golden era after the Great War, things are not the way so many say they must be. In this yard, with others like them, they’re free to kiss and do more, so long as it stays hidden beneath the guise of plausible deniability. Maybe they’re a little drunk. Maybe they’re confused. They can say so with kissing and maybe a stray hand, but more, like Rafael does, cannot be ignored. Rafael is braver; he has the means to get out of this. But Olivia corrupting the sweet little woman she led to the suffragettes of all places even further will discredit the cause. She can’t afford to steal their right before all the states have even finished ratification.

Olivia fondly remembers her homecoming from overseas, her once white nursing uniform a rusty color and her eyes far away with things no human being should have ever seen. But Alex was waiting for her, with Rafael. The doting husband whose money kept him out of the draft and the best friend who picked up the bad habit of suffrage in the space between Olivia’s volunteering to help her country and her return in mid-winter of 1918. She wanted to put her medical training to use. She wanted to help- President Wilson was on the radio, telling women how important they were for the first time in her life, and so she went. Maybe she wishes she hadn’t. The war was bloody and endless and not a single battle felt like a victory. But she returned to a warm bed, clean clothes, and a supply of booze to keep the nightmares at bay until the temperance movement won their battle. Enforced or not, the law has made her life hell since it went into effect at the turn of the year. Six months of sneaking, and still, she has managed to put herself into a dreamless coma most nights, provided she doesn’t have Alex to warm the other half of the bed.

The air is too warm for New York, she thinks, pulling at her own suit jacket. The look is crisp, but even without the sun the world is sweltering and Alex has to be sweating beneath that coat of her own. Fashion may be the pinnacle of life and these parties nowadays, but comfort has always been one of the most important things. And so, off comes the jacket, revealing the silky undershirt tailored to hide the dip in her waist and keep sleeves off her arms. She is covered too much, Olivia thinks. If one must hide, they cannot hide it all.

“Casey’s fixing to come home next week.”

“What about her husband?” Olivia asks.

Last she heard, Casey stopped showing up to parties in early spring. Her father got around to marrying her off, and that husband of hers dragged her to the west. He’s a writer, or something, for the pictures, and was only in the big city for a little while. Research for some project. He wanted to make it “authentic.” Or maybe he came to steal away a pretty little suffragette and tame her into an obedient housewife who bears a litter of crying children who will take and take until Casey passes into an early grave from pure exhaustion.

“He thinks she’s visiting. You’ve got a spare room, though.”

“A spare room I wouldn’t check in on, even if I heard something moving in there. And there’s a house key under the doormat.”

If she was told as a little girl she would spend most of her time breaking laws and pretending not to know or see the things she does, she wouldn’t believe it, but such is the life she leads nowadays. Every night, she drowns herself in liquid gold. Most nights she spends with the company of Alex, or another woman who may take her occasional place when Olivia is lonely and Alex is busy fighting for what they may never get. And now, now she’s helping a woman run away from her husband and start over here. Casey can get back to her pursuance of women like them, as opposed to a forced union with the likes of sleazy Hollywood writers who are scarcely human around their over-inflated egos. They can give her a life again here like she had all those months ago. Or, with Rafael’s help, they can smuggle Casey to a new beginning, where her husband will never find her. They have connections in London, but the country is in ruins. Most of Europe is. But there are places in the world left outside of the United States, particularly the big city, where people might come looking.

“Wanna show me that room?”

Olivia catches the insinuation. She always does. But this time, it doesn’t feel right with the question of Casey hanging over their heads like rain clouds, and someone has to keep alert because Raf has completely lost himself in the music and the boy’s curls and the way their bodies stick together. The delivery boy throws his head back in what might be a laugh or a moan; Olivia can’t hear it at this distance. But he does look happy, as Rafael takes the chance to kiss his neck and probably leave damning marks that could get both of them arrested. Olivia needs to keep things under control for the two of them to have the time together they’re both often to shy to take.

“Not tonight.”

Alex pouts and throws her arms up to wrap around Olivia’s shoulders, play with the short hair at the base of her neck, barely longer than Rafael’s. She presses closer, her loose clothing doing nothing to stop the warmth that seeps through. For a moment, all Olivia can think about is the way Alex’s body feels without the layers between them. Beneath her hands, beneath her lips. The pitch to her voice when everything is so good the world narrows to their little heaven.

But she snaps out of it, because she always does, and the next thing Olivia knows, Rafael is leading the delivery boy inside, most of the guests are buried in each other, and Alex pulls away because she can see the storm brewing behind Olivia’s eyes.

“You look like you need it.”

Olivia shakes her head goes back to drinking her champagne. It isn’t strong enough for the memories that are chasing her, and the ever growing fear of the cops, and the knowledge that Casey is trying to escape the fate she was forced into by their society that couldn’t give less of a damn about its women, any of them. This feeling, this sudden plunge from ready to bury her face in the crook of Alex’s neck to wanting to crawl into bed until the world ends around her in a hail of imaginary bullets.

“I’ll be honest with you, doll. Something just doesn’t sit right around here.”

“Something, or everything? We all know this won’t last forever.” Alex glances around the party, then, and Olivia wonders if she means the safe haven or the post-war uplift, all shiny new things and criminals wearing hundred dollar suits and corruption on every street corner because the rules hardly apply anymore. There’s no point. “Shouldn’t we do what we want with the time we have?”

The time they have could end at any moment, something Olivia knows deep down. People look the other way for now, even though she’s clearly dirty with her men’s suit, but there will come a day when they don’t. Ups and downs happen now. Only five years ago, any grand party would be nearly unheard of, but now they’re on every street. Illicit affairs happen, and not just Olivia’s kind. Who can begin to say whether or not this will be just as over as the past now in five years? She could easily find herself, Alex, Rafael, and everyone they see at these parties in prison before she gets her first grey hairs, and that hurts the most of anything.

Olivia chooses not to answer her and ducks out of Alex’s arms. She’s dizzy with the paranoia, and the voices around her don’t feel as friendly as they used to. “I’m just not up for it tonight. Maybe someone else here will take care of you.”

The thought makes her want to vomit, and Alex can’t feel too differently when the two of them have kept whatever’s going on between them exclusive for what feels like an eternity, but she says it for lack of a better dismissal. At least this way, Alex won’t keep pestering her- even if it means she’s filled to the brim with justifiable anger and frustration at the way she’s been refused. It’s not the refusal itself- they’re not men, and neither would truly push beyond limits- but the way Olivia chose to act as if they have nothing between them worth protecting or keeping sacred.

Nonetheless, Alex wanders off with her coat loose around her shoulders, and Olivia watches her go with writhing snakes eating away at her stomach as if to remind her how much she hates the way her temper turns at the slightest shift of the breeze. At least alone, she doesn’t cause as much pain every time she opens her mouth. More champagne down her throat, more sway to her step, she surveys her party and nods at the lack of strangers. They’re safe here.

She does not have the police to inspect her glass, or strangers to gawk at her suit, or reporters to notice the couplings at her party. No one will blame her, let alone turn her in, for finding a seat on the porch swing and relaxing there in a curled up ball until Rafael and his delivery boy come back outside with a flush to their cheeks and their fingers interlocked.

[bookenders]

11/11/11 Tag Game: Round... uh... 5, 6, & 7?

I got tagged by a bunch of people ( @quilloftheclouds is this how your 77 question one felt??) so here are a bunch of answers! I think this is the most I’ve ever talked about myself in my life. 

Good gracious, you’re all so nice and have such good questions.

Tagged by: @surroundedbypearls, @waterfallwritings, @bigmoodword, @sundaynightnovels

Rules: answer 11 questions, tag 11 people, give them 11 new questions!

[I’ve done this enough to be able to break the tag rules. Fight me.]

44 questions and answers below the cut!

But I’ll be nice and put my questions right here:

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

When do you title your WIPs? It is the first thing you do? The last? Does it come to you during drafting?

How many inside jokes do you put in your WIP(s)?

Your WIP’s antagonist is now The Riddler. How do your OCs handle that?

Do you use sticky notes?

Laptop or desktop?

Your OC is a wrestler. What’s their hype music?

Do you own any craft books/books on writing?

What’s your favorite book cover?

How many unread books do you have sitting around right now? Which are you most excited to maybe get to eventually some time?

How committed are you to your outline(s)?

Bilbo Taggins: Literally anyone, but also @francestroublr, @sahados-shadow, @a-story-im-writing, @bethkerring, @citruschickadee, @bos-ingit

If I’ve tagged you before, you can totally ignore this. In fact, I encourage you to.

From @surroundedbypearls:

What’s your favourite genre to write in and why? Literary fiction! It’s what I learned in university and the one that fits my themes best. Sci-fi is hard, I’m just getting into writing fantasy stuff, I can’t do thrillers, romance is hard for me, and historical is too much work.

Do you think you have a style/voice that you use more often in your writing? When did you develop that style? If you’ve read one of my stories, you know exactly how my writing voice sounds. It doesn’t change too much. I write like I talk, but if I had a lot more gravitas and charisma. Honestly, I’ve always had that kind of style, but it really developed in high school. It’s been getting stronger since then. It’s one of the things I always got comments about from my teachers and fellow workshop writers. “Your voice is so strong!” Yep. It’s mah thang.

Do you play video games? What’s your favourite? YES I DO. It’s hard to pick faves, but I’ve played Dragon Age: Origins too many times. 

If you were going to do a WIP crossover, which OCs would be most interesting together? (If you’ve only got one WIP crossover with something else) A crossover between H2H and AOPC? Interesting. I think Mel and Keema would get along the best, Oz would have some fightin’ words for Elder Sanga, and Gemma and Teva would be a force to be reckoned with, my god. Two stubborn nerds who believe totally different things but are also very determined to be very good at what they want to do and love their communities to a fault? Fear them.

Do you prefer to plan WIPs in a document or through handwritten notes? I used to do it by hand but I couldn’t read it because my handwriting is terrible and I kept losing papers. I do it in docs now. Much easier to organize and incredibly legible.

Do you multiple languages exist in your WIP? If so how do you address that in the story? H2H is set in the “real world,” so yep. It hasn’t been addressed too much yet, but I have a way for tackling languages. I’ve written multilingual-ish stories before. I never write phonetically and use hella context clues so the reader knows the gist of what was said if another character doesn’t translate.

What’s your favourite animated film that’s not Disney or Pixar? AN AMERICAN TAIL. All of them. It’s on Netflix go watch it and marvel at the way a kids movie talks about Jewish immigration, poverty, and cultural oppression via mice. As a young Jewish child, this movie was my jam. It’s very dark, though.

Do your real-life surroundings influence your WIP’s settings? Nope! One time I tried to write a story set in the same area where I lived and I couldn’t do it. Too weird. Sometimes I’ll write in an item I see near me, or like, a painting or poster on the wall if I need some set decoration, but that’s about it.

Which OCs would be most likely to break the fourth wall? Oz. Lookin’ at the camera like he’s in The Office.

How do you work out your OCs’ personalities? Hm. I look at the story I’m trying to write and make a protagonist that would have the most interesting experience in that narrative. For H2H, I wanted someone who would be loyal as heck to the people they loved while still being experimental enough to try new things and get into shenanigans. The story called for someone like that, and there she was. Mel came about my thinking of someone who would compliment other characters in the story while still being their own person. If that makes sense. I think of dynamics and interactions with the story world in relation to the theme(s). Most of the time they just happen, though.

Do you prefer worldbuilding or character building? Character building! As much as I like making stories about places, making characters is more fun for me, and more interesting. You should see all the DnD character sheets I have. 

From @waterfallwritings:

1. How do you come up with ideas for your WIPs?

At random. Seriously. It’s like my brain has to be running something in the background to function normally, and usually that something is whatever story I happen to be working on. Or I’ll look at a thing and go “huh.” My brain also likes to twist normal things to be a little bit different.

2. How do you get past gaps in the plot?

No idea, man. It’s like throwing spaghetti at a wall. I like to work backwards. If this is what I want to happen, what needs to happen before that to ensure that it occurs? I look at all the elements currently in the story and see if one can be manipulated to fill in the hole.

3. What motivates you to keep writing?

If I don’t, my brain gets all constipated and angry until I write something down. Like, seriously, I get grumpy and frustrated like I’m hangry or something. Aside from physical need, I love writing. I love word puzzles and feelings puzzles and figuring them out. Sometimes I think of how my stories could help someone, or make them feel something that they enjoy. 

4. Do you do any other kind of creative writing?

Oh, man, I’ve done it all. Screenwriting, playwriting, poetry, video game-ish writing, interactive storytelling, short stories, flash fiction, proposals, essays, DnD campaigns, monologues... You name it, I’ve probably tried it. I tend to stick to prose and poetry these days.

5. Do you have any other creative hobbies besides writing?

I’ve gotten into graphic design a little bit. I kind of wanna learn how to knit again. I’m not really very crafty. 

6. What do you do when you’re stuck on a scene and don’t know how to get it out / write it?

Write a different scene, stare at the screen in frustration until I give up and go to sleep, meditate for a few minutes, go do something else to get my mind off of it, clean, work on a different project.

7. How do you decide how to end your WIP?

I mean, see the next question for part of my answer. How did I decide to end H2H? My friend, that’s a big ‘ole spoiler. But I decided to end it at a place where everything, and everyone, comes together.

8. When in the process of writing do you decide how its going to end? Or do you kind of just wait til you get there?

Right at the beginning. If I don’t know where it’ll end, I have a hard time writing the arc. I work backwards: start with the idea, then think of where I want it to end up, then work back to the beginning until I know where its going, then start writing.

9. Why did you decide to join writeblr?

My reasons are pretty personal, but the least personal is that I needed some accountability and motivation. And I missed being in a good writing community.

10. What’s your favourite food?

Pasta! I’m eating spaghetti right now.

11. If you had to kill off a character in your WIP, who would it be and why?

Oz would be the most tragic. Treena would be the most logical. 

From @bigmoodword:

1. using one sentence summaries, can you tell me about your wips?

Nerdy potion woman meets cute odd stranger who helps her solve magic mysteries in their quirky small town.

2. what inspired them?

I saw a zine accepting submissions for magic stories, then an open call for queer shifter stories, and thought “what if wholesome magical lesbians?”

3. which of your ocs do you most identify with?

Gemma!

4. if you’ve ever cried while reading, which book cued the waterworks?

THE SONG OF ACHILLES.  My God, my soul was weeping. Honestly, it still is. Doesn’t matter that I knew the story from the Iliad. Madeline Miller is a feelings wizard.

5. how do you conduct research for your wips and what’s the most interesting thing you’ve discovered in said research?

On an as-needed basis. I used to do way too much research to avoid actually writing the damn thing, so now I only do it when I actually run into a problem that can be solved by Google.

6. thus far, which scene has been the most difficult to write?

The ones that aren’t hugely emotional. Which is... unfortunate.

7. which of your ocs do you like the least?

Rude. On a personal level, Jill. I love her, but I would not be friends with her. We wouldn’t mesh at all.

8. which pov and tense do you prefer to write in?

Third person limited present tense! To the bane of everyone who’s ever edited my work.

9. do you write poetry?

I do! Not often, though.

10. who is your writing role model?

My freakin’ writing professor from college. He is crazy disciplined.

11. if you could give your younger writer self some advice, what would it be?

Hey, you know those people who say your writing is too dark? Yeah, they suck and they’re wrong. They just want kids to live up to their expectations and write happy sunshiny stories about unicorns and dinosaurs having ice cream. And you’re not depressed because you wrote that one sad poem one time and someone asked if you were depressed. What you have is called feelings and they’re very useful for a writer, nay, a human, to have.

From @sundaynightnovels:

Who is your biggest role model? Okay, so I got crap all the time in grade school for never having a role model, and I still don’t have one. The teachers were concerned about me. But my reasoning was, “why should I want to live someone else’s life?” Yeah. They didn’t really know what to do with that...

What are your OCs favorite foods? Sort of answered here!

Which OC is most afraid of the dark? Oz and Mary!

What made you want to start a writing blog/participate in the writeblr community? Answered above!

Did you sleep with a stuffed animal as a kid? Do you still? I did, indeed. I don’t anymore, but I have two that I shuffle around my room when they get in the way. One is a highland cow I got in Scotland (he has a plaid hat), the other is a blue whale I got at the Museum of Natural History in NY.

Do you like donuts? I love donuts. Especially jelly filled ones. Mmm.

Do/would your OCs like donuts? All of my OCs like donuts. I don’t think Mel has ever had a modern one, though.

What is your least favorite food? Cauliflower? I’m the household taste-tester, so there’s been a lot of stuff I don’t like.  ( @sundaynightnovels I hate sparkling water, too, you’re not alone!)

What is your ideal writing environment? Comfy seating, a chair with no arms (stupid elbows), alone, plenty of chosen beverage within reach, headphones.

Favorite line from your WIP? So far, it’s this one!

Favorite quote from a book? Oh, man. There are so many. From recent memory, here are a few: “’Give it time,’ she replies. ‘It won’t be a story forever.’“  and “Everyone has heard stories of women like us, and now we will make more of them.” (both from The Ladies Guide to Petticoats and Piracy) “When he smiled, the skin at the corners of his eyes crinkled like a leaf held to flame.” and “I lean forward and our lips land clumsily on each other. They are like the fat bodies of bees, soft and round and giddy with pollen.” (I could write a goddamn essay about the imagery in this scene.) (It is quite possibly my favorite description of a kiss ever. And the metaphor extends through the rest of the scene so artfully ugh.) (both from The Song of Achilles) “The thing about a story is that you dream it as you tell it, hoping that others might then dream along with you, and in this way memory and imagination and language combine to make spirits in the head.” (from The Things They Carried)

[durenjtmusings]

The Great SPN Meta Scavenger Hunt: Round 2  - The Exclamatories, Expletives and Key Words/Phrases Listicle

(or TL;DR - “Suck as it may, our perky nipples are defcon screwed with signs of douchery, so shut your cakehole, you whackjob, before I make your posh spice ass have a code brown moment and use you for an angel condom. Asshat.”)

[No abstract here because writing them is hard and f*ck that sh*t it is 4 am.]

Introduction:

Thanks to @elizabethrobertajones​ for kickstarting my “SPN Character Voice Database” project with this challenge. The verbal creativity and qualities of each character’s “voice’ has always been one of the things that has greatly entertained me about Supernatural. So, in attempting to write SPN fanfic, I am pretty obsessed about making character’s dialogue *sound* right. @chiisana-sukima​  and I were chatting recently about our struggles to 'write’ the boys swearing convincingly (I make then swear lamely and she has to take swears out) and BOTH of us are struggling with making Sam swear right (tip – turns out, that’s because he doesn’t very much). [I think this is the presenting problem or sorta the research question, but again, 4 am and not getting paid so ;P]

In the spirit of scientific investigation, I have begun to address this problem in a typically “academic” way – I collected and analyzed unique character language patterns data for all 12 of the initial SPN episodes (using Excel and everything). Analysis consisted of *highly subjective* qualitative and quantitative methodologies using the rubric below (thanks to @k-vichan​ for the rubric framework from their “Dean the Action Hero” entry)

Review of Existing Research:

As far as I know – this research is unique in fandom – if someone has already done this, PLEASE let me know so I can do something ELSE with my time.

Definitions of Key Terms:

Exclamatory – ‘throw-away’ words which, if removed from the sentence, have no real effect – they are there for punctuation, character flavor, etc. and often start or end a sentence. Includes ‘pet words’ for people like son, boy, douche, Giraffe, etc. For my purposes, I did NOT count ah, well, alright or OK, because EVERYONE USES THEM ALL THE TIME in this show. Some words counted in this category ONLY if they were NOT used ‘correctly’ in context – examples (correct usage in brackets):  Hell (the place), God (the person/entity), hey (to get you to turn around), c’mon (to get you to come with someone) and man (to indicate a male person).

Expletive – swears, substitute swears and blasphemes (technically all exclamatories, but in a class by themselves). These were casually assigned ‘strength’ by how much I got in trouble for saying them when a kid (words like friggin’ were counted for strength as if they were the swear they replaced). We were not a religious family so blasphemes were all counted as lamer than more scatological swears.

Key Words and Phrases – Crack stuff said by characters that ‘define their voice’ – things that make them uniquely them. Fun phrases and sayings. Includes innocuous stuff like “Seriously?”, “You’ve gotta be kidding me,” and chick. Sometimes a colloquialism was counted, like ‘ain’t been’ because it seemed unique to the character. NOTE: Cas is a special case here – his entries tended to be overly formal words no one else ever really says OR cases where he starts to use human idioms at ALL.

Method:

Re-watched all initial episodes over the course of 5 days and recorded all entries in the above 3 categories by character, with extras grouped as a block. Then grouped all recurring characters of note in a “friends and family” group for easier analysis, creating 4 main groups: Dean, Sam, F&F and Xtras. These four groups were then analyzed in the following categories and assigned scores by one completely biased reviewer.

Quantity - actual # of items recorded across ALL characters. Repetitions were counted individually.

Variety - (scale of 1-5) measures how unique and interesting items are for this episode, as well as ‘strength’ of expletives.

Originality - 5 points per item that made me chuckle or raised my eyebrow the 1st time I watched the episode

Sam vs Dean - % of Sam items to Dean items as an integer. Sam hardly swears, so we want to give him lots of credit for when he DOES do so. This also serves as a measure of ‘balance’ in verbal creativity for the episode.

Family & Friends - (scale of 1-5) QVO (see above) across other core characters (+1 bonus point if Cas had ANY)

Xtras - (scale of 0-5) QVO across any Xtras

Impress me – 5 points per character whose performance REALLY stood out to me (purely subjective, don’t argue with the researcher)

Controlling for Bias: @chiisana-sukima and I also discussed how the writer for each episode had a lot to do with language, so we’ve included that data in the results. Other items that may affect the data include a) how much silence there was built into the script, b) how MANY characters appeared in the episode, and c) how plot affected the character (Demon!Dean, Demon!Bobby, Leviathan!Cas, dead-hallucination Bobby-in-Sam’s-head, etc.). For my purposes, if they LOOKED and tried to ACT like the character, their words were categorized for that character. But, essentially, I didn’t sweat this stuff and did whatever I wanted, because no one is paying me, so there.

Results:

SO – no surprise this is stupidly long and full of illustrative screencaps. Read below the cut for the Fun stuff! {Oh, and pre-emptively: “Screw you, my math is perfect.”}

1.1 Pilot (Kripke)

Dean: Whoa; easy tiger, are you kidding me?; hell, gig, dude, not bad, scored (got); do some digging (research), cakehole, check it out, c'mon, I betcha, here's the deal; dude, took a swan dive, "what the...", I'm super, chick, what a bitch (she is), I don't get it, no chick flick moments, bitch, hey man, dude, five-o, take off, crap, boobs, nice work (well done), saved your ass, screwed up, shag ass, whatever, helluva,

Sam: crap, hell, hey, c'mon, the damn thing, working overtime on a Millertime shift; man, dean; jim, jack and jose; I swear, man; kinda, hey, genius (deprecating), hey, jerk, hell, we got work to do.

F&F: John –hell, (sports reference) ; Mary - oh my God

Xtras: hell, smartass, hell, Hell

Quantity – 60    

Variety – 4    

Originality – 20  [cakehole; no chick flick moments; working overtime on a Millertime shift; jim, jack and jose]

Sam vs Dean – 18/35  or 51

Family & Friends – 1

Xtras – 1

Impress me – 10 [Dean, of course, made a strong first impression in this pilot episode, but comparatively this is one of Sam’s strongest episodes as well.]

          Total = 142

2.1 In My Time of Dying (Kripke)

Dean: man, c'mon, gimme, thank god, screw you, c'mon, lay some mojo on me, c'mon, what the hell kinda, hey, frickin', man, dude, full on Swazy'd that mother. What the…, get the hell away, now what?, sorta, you gotta be kiddin' me, god, I'll be damned, damn straight, I'm screwed, son of a bitch (angry), chick, far too laid back, hell, cut me a break, I'll pass, not into (x) chicks, what the hell, ditch it,  c'mon, c'mon,

Sam: I swear to god, you wanna bet, lay some mojo on, thumbs up our asses, I got it covered, hey, aw man, pissed (mad), what's going on?, go to hell,  hey, man, hey, c'mon, man,

F&F: John - our only card, meet up with, hey, pick it up (for me), hey, dude, buttin' heads, I seen; Bobby – you got it (yes), damn; Tessa - freaked, I'm dealing, flipped out; YED - get the hell out

Xtras: oh my god

Quantity –   64  

Variety –    2.5  

Originality –  5 [full on Swazy'd that mother]

Sam vs Dean – 15/34  or 44

Family & Friends – 2

Xtras – 0

Impress me – 0  [Really kinda banal, noting major happened verbally in this episode. Dean was lively, but not really inventive.]

         Total = 117.5

3.1 The Magnificent Seven (Kripke)

Dean: freaky, weirdo, bupkiss, drivin' me crazy, I aint sweatin' it, get this, spiffy, whackjob, stupidx3 (in one sentence), showtime!, sit here with our junk in our hands, send [him] packing, hell warmed over, poor bastards, chick, whatever it takes to get you through the night, goose chase, welch out of it, so help me god, tuff, whatever, sons of bitches, raise hell,

Sam: ah, god; beats me, man, my god, what the hell, good bet, stark raving psycho, bustin' my ass,  

F&F: Bobby - (double negative), pack it up, damn it, half-cocked, this joker, son (at Dean),

Xtras: "Hell's Bells", Hell, bastards, damn fools, man, rat's ass, piss poor, damn

Quantity –   47 

Variety –    3 [very little repetition, several new words by several characters]

Originality – 15  [whackjob, sit here with our junk in our hands, stark raving psycho]

Sam vs Dean – 8/25  or 32

Family & Friends – 1

Xtras – 2 [more quantity and variety than previously]

Impress me –  0 [ solid performances, but no one really stood out]

          Total = 100

4.1 Lazarus Rising (Kripke)

Dean: Preachin' to the choir, dammit, bad mojo, some [one's] bitch boy, badass, hell yes, damn,  douche her up, bit it (die), freaky, weirdo, crap, I'm game, bring it,  work him over, perky nipples, cut me loose (from Hell), tell you squat, "don't come crawling to me when they show up on your doorstep with vaseline and a firehose", whatever had the juice to, bad mofo, peachy, (serious) as a heart attack, bigtime [knife], get caught with pants down, helluva, "ring the dinner bell" (call up bad guy), get the hell out, I'm not buying (it - belief),

Sam: hell, they booked up here, thank god, what the hell's goin' on, hell,

F&F: Bobby - dead set on it, took off, what in the hell, aint been, sticky question, damn thing (2 x), kid (at Sam), you can't be serious; Pamela - Grumpy (at Sam); ruby: getting pretty slick

Xtras: damn, gotah Hell

 Quantity – 47    

Variety –   4 [Dean’s range alone here pulls this up from a 3]  

Originality – 20  [douche her up ; perky nipples; don't come crawling to me … vaseline and a firehose;  Grumpy]

Sam vs Dean – 5/29  or 17

Family & Friends – 2.5 [about avg quantity and variety]

Xtras – 1 [pretty lame]

Impress me – 5 [Dean really lit this episode up – back from the dead and spittin’ words!]

          Total = 96.5

5.1 Sympathy for the Devil (Kripke)

Dean:  What the hell, keep our heads down, whatever, hey, stupid bastard, asshat, sons of bitches, cram it with walnuts, ugly; two-faced douche, jack squat, you dicks, son of a bitch, hey, bitch blood, yeah, right wavy gravy; thank god, angel condom (vessel), son of a bitch, eat me, big dicks, what the hell, screw him, screw [them], crap (adj), give 'em hell, crap, a snowball's chance, hell, man,

Sam:  Jeeze, hey, ass, meatsuit (posessed human), hey,

F&F: Bobby - Romeo (at Sam), ass, kid (at Sam), damn, snot-nosed son of a bitch, kick your friggin' ass, we're boned, nine kinds of crazy, boy x2 (at Dean and at Sam), damn (adj); Chuck - x the crap out of him, oh God; oh crap, sucks ass; Nick (pre-Luci) - man, why the hell; Meg (dark) - pain in the ass; Zachariah - Chucklehead, screwing around

Xtras: holy crap

Quantity –  55  

Variety –   4 [nice range from both Dean and F&F]  

Originality – 25  [asshat; cram it with walnuts, right wavy gravy, angel condom, nine kinds of crazy]

Sam vs Dean – 5/30  or 17

Family & Friends – 4 [nice quantity and variety, with some originality and group participation as well]

Xtras – 0 [boring really]

Impress me – 15  [Dean, of course, stood out again, but also this was a standout episode for Bobby, and Chuck because like 50% of his total episode lines counted]

         Total = 110

6.1 Exile on Main Street (Gamble)

Dean: crap (adj), chicks, dig (like), man, freakin', how the hell, [?] what the hell, c'mon x2, you gotta be kidding me, god knows why, sue me, damn, sons of bitches, stick my neck out, whatever, you bet,

Sam: Hey, crap, go gunnin' for (hunt), that's nasty,

F&F:   Bobby - dammit, mi casa es su casa, damn  

Xtras: thank god, what the hell, my god, shook loose, helluva, oh my god, you son of a bitch

Quantity –   30  

Variety –  2 [softer curses, common, some repetition – generally blah]    

Originality –  0 [not an danged thing new]

Sam vs Dean – 4/16  or 25

Family & Friends – 1 [only Bobby and lame showing]

Xtras – 3 [Better quantity than everyone but Dean, decent quality]

Impress me –  0 [for obvious reasons]

          Total = 61

 7.1 Meet the New Boss (Gamble)

Dean: this is nuts, c'mon x2, ah well; stick your neck out, figure it out, off the deep end, pissed, pray to god, kicked in the daddy pills, scuzzy, piece of…, thingy, hear us out, (X) is our bitch, both of you put your junk away, really?, crap, piehole, out of the cards, hey x2,

Sam: I guess (yes), seriously?, hey, friggin', crap, hey,  

F&F:  Bobby - diddly, c'mon, kid (Sam), sport (Sam), son of a bitch, Jenga (eureka); Cas - genitals, cannot abide, atone, unpleasant; Crowley - bollocks, jig is up, bend them right over, come on, giraffe (at Sam), mash us like peas; Death - you're joking, shut up; Lucifer - long time no spooning, right on, yank the wool off of your eyes

Xtras: heck, oh my god,

 Quantity –  49  

Variety –      3  [pulled up by some Dean inventiveness and the variety in F&F]

Originality – 10  [kicked in the daddy pills; long time no spooning ]

Sam vs Dean – 6/20 or 30

Family & Friends – 4 +1 [more than DEAN! And. Of course, Crowley’s imaginativeness, And Cas HAD some!]]

Xtras – 0 [Frickin’ BOring]

Impress me – 0  [Crowley was a near thing, but not really]

          Total = 97

8.1 We Need to Talk About Kevin (Carver)

Dean: you son of a bitch, you bastard, keep your nose clean, dammit, my ass, things got hairy towards the end, in the wind, turned tail on, knee deep in god's armpit, bully for you, damn, no signs of douchery, So what? You dropped your peanut butter in her chocolate?; 31 flavors of bottom-dwelling nasties, dental apocalypse (vamp), lookin' for a soul train, hey, wow, come sniffing around, I got bupkiss, sweet mother of god, come again?, wipe the slate clean, bastard, Spanky, by a long shot, jackass, hitting the head, helluva lot, beat a dead horse,

Sam: what the.., frickin', right, I did not have a roadmap (no clue), hey, throw a bitchfit, check this out, dude, it sucks, might suck, what the hell,

F&F: Crowley - Heavens no, sky's the limit, throw me a bone, hullo boys, moose (Sam), last time we danced (met), chop chop (hurry), meatsuit; Benny - what the hell, jackass, hump my soul (carry), howya holdin'up?,  keep your nose clean; Kevin - hell, eat me x2, what the hell,

Xtras: dude, bitch, dumbass

Quantity –    62

Variety –      5 [avg to strong performances from ALL involved, even the xtras]

Originality –  25 [knee deep in god's armpit; no signs of douchery; 31 flavors of bottom-dwelling nasties, dental apocalypse; hump my soul]

Sam vs Dean – 11/31  or 35

Family & Friends – 4 [good quantity variety and strength.]

Xtras – 1 [pretty basic]

Impress me – 10 [Dean, absolutely on this one; & Kevin – for eat me x2 said with absolute conviction]

          Total = 142

9.1 I Think I’m Gonna Like It Here (Carver)

Dean: whatever the hell, pissed at, we'll work it out, man, screw it, with ears on (listening), jimmied ourselves out, man, all due respect, don't be a pouter (speak up), son of a bitch, what the hell, hey, pissed, what the hell, dammit, whoa, give a damn, bite me, what the hell, you kidding me?, no way in hell, what the hell, dammit, dudn't mean squat, hell, hell no, angelic pacemaker, whoa, handsy, hell,

Sam: seriously? friggin' crapfest, shuttup (no/negative), the thing is, I bet you get off on this, what the hell, crap, we got work to do

F&F: Bobby - hell yes, you didn't do jack, suck as that may, idjits, basackwards crazy, son (Sam) x2; Cas – devote; Death - not my bag;

Xtras: what the hell x2

Quantity – 51    

Variety –  3 [lotta repetitive hell in this one, most not terribly strong, either]    

Originality –  15  [angelic pacemaker; friggin' crapfest; suck as that may]

Sam vs Dean – 9/31  or 29

Family & Friends – 3 [on the strength of Bobby alone, really]

Xtras – 0 [dull, dull, dull]

Impress me – 5 [Bobby (or Sam, however you want to think about it) for a dead guy with a small part, he was pretty verbally lively]

         Total = 106

10.1 Black (Carver)

Dean: oops, bitch, douche, you sold me out, you all suck, two-bit skank, sure as hell, knock yourself out, whatever jam he's in, damn sure,

Sam: you got it (yes), get this, jumped the gun, kick his butt, son of a bitch, meatsuit, what the hell, look buddy, turn tail, army recruiting ad that spit you out

F&F: Cas - I'm sensing awkardness, like a million dollars, put up much of a fight?; Crowley - you're budgin' it, moose x3, what's eating you up, out of your depth, what tickles me, what makes you lose your chickens, good luck with that, demon chum, does the tin man have a sheet metal willie?, fetid petri dish of broken dreams and beer, out with the club circuit and in with the stadium tour, my bad, midwifing you back to life; Cole - chicken wing (arm in sling), ass over teakettle, hurt like son of a bitch, I'm karma,

Xtras: eat me, jackass, douche, code brown moment, your funeral, screwed up

Quantity –  58

Variety –      4.5 [only because I’d like to see the variety more balanced among characters]

Originality –  25  [army recruiting ad that spit you out; what makes you lose your chickens; does the tin man have a sheet metal willie?; fetid petri dish of broken dreams and beer, code brown moment]

Sam vs Dean – 10/10  or 100

Family & Friends – 5+1  [Crowley, oh dear lord, was masterful, plus Cole was fun too. And Cas HAD some!]

Xtras – 4 [the Gas and Sip counter guy Rocked]

Impress me – 15 [Crowley OMG; the Gas and Sip counter guy xtra OMG, Sam – for EQUALING Demon!Dean in verbal skills this episode]

         Total = 212.5

11.1 Out of the Darkness and into the Fire (Carver)

Dean: What the hell, easy buddy, stay cool, heyx3, is this like a Magic Mike moment?, whoa, take it easy, everybody goes '28 days later'?, hell, like a sunnofa bitch, dudn't it, sumpin' straight, untenable, bite us in the ass, horse sense, we broke it we bought it, where the hell, defcon screwed, shove x up his ass, hell yes, farting sawdust, frickin', no way, c'mon x2, godspeed (good luck), screwy, kick her ass,

Sam: seriously? we know jack, you were on a roll, these things have a shelf life, hey, our crap, only half of the bumper sticker, hey, sons of bitches

F&F: Cas – transgressions; Crowley - you excrement, old school it is, daddy's home;

Xtras:  freaking out

Quantity –  43

Variety –    4 [actually quite a creative episode, verbally, with little repetition and not a lot of boring exclamations]  

Originality – 30  [is this like a Magic Mike moment; everybody goes '28 days later'; untenable;  defcon screwed ; farting sawdust ; only half of the bumper sticker]

Sam vs Dean – 9/29  or 31

Family & Friends – 1+1 [Because Cas]

Xtras – 0  [I mean, really]

Impress me – 5 [Dean kicked it for me this episode]

         Total = 115

12.1 Keep Calm and Carry On (Dabb)

Dean: flat on his ass, be pissed (mad), c'mon, new duds, whoa x7, hell yeah, what’s his face, bitch, (freak),

Sam: screw you, accent in a pantsuit, screw you, Screw.You., go to hell, screw you

F&F:  Mary - come again?,  sweetheart,

Xtras: Holy Mother…, hold up (wait), no way, were a bitch, chick, psycho, fricking, (demons): busted bitch, dude, gross,  posh spice ass

Quantity – 24

Variety –  3 [and not a 2 purely due to the xtras]    

Originality –  10 [accent in a pantsuit, posh spice ass]

Sam vs Dean – 6/15  or 40

Family & Friends – 1 [and not a 0 only because the way Mary says sweetheart to Baby melts me]

Xtras – 4 [good solid showing here]

Impress me – 10  [Sam – because, well Duh, Screw. You.  And the xtras]

          Total = 92

Conclusions:

In general, it looks like writers wanted to keep to at LEAST above 100 on the “@Durenjtmusings Verbal Inventiveness Rubric” for decent verbal variety in a script. Both Carver and Kripke were pretty good at this. Dabb should take note.

Ranking of episodes:

Worst - 6.1 Gamble – 61  (note that both Gamble’s scores were low – not judging, just holding it up for ridicule)

12.1 Dabb - 92

4.1 Kripke - 96.5

7.1 Gamble - 97

3.1 Kripke - 100

9.1 Carver - 106

5.1 Kripke - 110

11.1 Carver - 115

2.1 Kripke - 117.5

8.1 Carver & 1.1 Kripke – 142  (Both good showings, although I like 8.1 better, personally.)

Best - 10.1 Carver - 212.5 (Aaaaannd, Crowley wins this episode the trophy – who is surprised? Plus someone hire that Gas and Sip counter guy - comedy timing gold. Also, of note, Demon!Dean talked less, and less creatively -  letting his sneering and violence say everything for him, evidently. Because of this, however, Sam EQUALLED Dean for verbal inventiveness this episode, for perfect brother balance. Yea for the Mark.)

Bonus: Results Presented Chronologically – in case you care:

1.1 Kripke - 142

2.1 Kripke - 117.5

3.1 Kripke - 100

4.1 Kripke - 96.5

5.1 Kripke - 110

6.1 Gamble - 61

7.1 Gamble - 97

8.1 Carver - 142

9.1 Carver - 106

10.1 Carver - 212.5

11.1 Carver - 115

12.1 Dabb - 92

Final Thoughts: I have begun to note a number of fun cross-episode meta things – like Sam tends to echo expletives that someone else has already said in an episode, Angels are REALLY boring verbally except for Zachariah, and Dean is way more verbally creative when he’s just come back from exile (hell, purgatory, etc.) – but I’m holding on to this until I have more data on the 250+ episodes I have left to analyze.

Extra Credit for the Obsessed Experts: Go back over JUST Dean’s collected words and see how much of the episode you can visualize from his verbal creativeness alone.

Also - this was fun and I am clearly a compulsive academic…someone please stop me before it is too late.

[rowankingsleyy]

Like this if you want to plot with Rowan (we know we’re not new but we could always use new connections) =)

NAME: ROWAN JESSAMINE KINGSLEY

NICKNAMES: Ro, Winnie (close friends only)

AGE: 28

PRONOUNS: She/Her

OCCUPATION: Published Author/Freelance Baker

HEIGHT: 5′1

BIRTHDAY: May 11th, 1992

ZODIAC SIGN: Taurus

PARENTS: Cassandra and Tony Kingsley

SIBLINGS: Rett Kahale (half sibling)

ALIGNMENT: Neutral Good

MBTI: ISFJ

MORE UNDER THE READ MORE =)

TW: domestic violence, sexual assault, anxiety, eating disorders, mention of death, illness, drugs

SEQUENCE OF EVENTS

Rowan was born to Cassandra and Tony Kingsley in the early summer of 1992, at which point things were already strained between the two-some because of Tony’s alcohol problem and Cassie’s generally meek personality.

Rowan’s half-brother took a leading role in her care from a very young age, not just because her dad was useless, but also because their mother was so distracted by her need to please Tony that she dropped the ball often.

Both her brother and her saw things they certainly shouldn’t have, were told things that no children should be told, and occasionally went without for no reason other than Tony liking control, but he never hurt them physically.  However, he did hurt their mother.  

Less than a year after her brother turned 18 and moved out of the house, their mother died of an aneurysm suddenly and unexpectedly.

Despite how Rowan’s father treated her mother, the loss of her broke him and send him on a 3 month bender that only ended because he was booked with vehicular manslaughter and his 3rd DWI.

Luckily, Rowan only spent a few weeks in foster care before the court allowed her brother to assume custody over her.

From the moment her brother joined, the club became her family.  The wives and daughters of the club were the people who taught her everything she knows about being a girl, doing make up, doing her hair, navigating boys.  (This is probably why she went through a blue eyeshadow phase at 17)

Rowan is a textbook overachiever and perfectionist, she always had all As, was always in 6 clubs, and held officer positions in every single one including the dance team.  While she did hold officer positions, she never really was one to take front and center--she prefers the positions of the people behind the scenes keeping things together.  (secretary, treasurer, anything that has to do with organizational skills.

While over her high school years she wrote a lot, and even published one of her short stories in a local newspaper, she didn’t write her first full novel until she went away to college at 18.  No one ever read that novel, it hit the trash during its 5th round of editing. 

At 18 she received a full scholarship to UC Berkley and left Charming for the first time to go to school first time.  She lived in the dorms all 4.5 years and graduated with a degree in English, minoring in Psychology.

If you ever ask Rowan what she’s afraid of, she’ll tell you losing control again.  She notes two prominent times of completely losing control over her life, one fairly recent, and the other while she was away at college.  While she was away, she went out fairly often with her friends and one night someone slipped something into her drink.  Nothing happened, she made it home without incident, but the way it made her feel, the way she felt victimized or the potential of being so set her off.  She had two drop three of her classes and extend her time in college an extra semester because of how hard she spun out, trying to control things that she wouldn’t typically even think about.  She started her senior year 20 pounds lighter with 0% of the friends she had started her Junior year with.

While she was away at college her brother became a father, which meant frequent trips home to visit and help out with her niece who quickly meant enough to her to be her own.    

She returned home from school at 23 and worked in a bakery until she could live off of her cookie business (at 25 her cookie business was self sufficient).  

While she was growing her cookie business, she began writing her first professional novel and completed it at 26.  She sold it that very same year, and published it at 27.

While it changed her life or the better and got her foot in the door with the publishing world, publishing her book also led to the the single most traumatizing thing she has ever experienced.  

While she was marketing her book, the marketing manager became very demanding of Rowan and her time, which often led to them being together very late at night.  One night, while out of town for a book reading, he pushed himself on Rowan.  This assault led to the second occurance of Rowan losing complete control and her life suffering because of it.

After the assault, Rowan threatened to blow the whistle, and in return he threatened her career so she is still with that publishing company with him as her marketing manager.  

As of now, Rowan is in the process of getting her second book published, filling in as mom as best she can for her niece, running her cookie business and holding cookie classes, and trying to make amends for the bonds she broke when she spun out last.

TENDENCIES

Because of how contentious Rowan’s early childhood was, she has a pretty anxious mind that is always running on 100.  Her thoughts come a mile a minute and they can be pretty difficult to stop.  Melatonin is her best friend.  

When she loses control over things in her life (hELLO we meet again control-less childhood) she controls everything she can, and that manifests differently every time.  Controlling what she eats to the point of malnourishment, controlling every single word of what she’s writing, putting herself on lockdown until whatever she’s working on is      p e r f e c t.  

She fixates on her mistakes, in high school if she answered to the wrong name during roll she would be thinking about it for the rest of the day.

She bakes in excess when she’s trying to think through something, the measurements and muscle memory movements help calm her brain into being able to process whatever is on her mind.

She’s always been a writer, from the very first time she had to write in her 4th grade ELA class.  That only grew through Middle and High School creative writing classes.  She’s always loved exploring the stories and that it was something that she could perfect through six or seven round of editing.

Sticky notes cover her bedroom walls because of how quickly her thoughts come and go, her ideas for books do NOT come in order and she can often be found starring at her walls with her little scribbles trying to figure out what order they should go in.

For someone who would be considered the ‘bright & shiny’ type, she has a thing for researching and watching shows about serial killers.  She can rattle off facts like its her day job.  

Because of how quiet she can be, sometimes folks assume she’s innocent or that she doesn’t know anything, but in reality the opposite is true.  She’s spent so much time watching and analyzing everyone and everything that she knows much more that she lets on or that any civilian should.

She learned how to play guitar in college (not very well) and is a pretty damn good singer, but she’d never be the type to want to be front and center in front of a crowd.  She mostly uses these talents as a means to an end in writing mini stories with lyrics.  It appeases her in the in between period of having finished a book and being able to start a new one.

All floral, all the time.  Enough said.

GENUINELY afraid of birds and giant frogs

I’ll probably add to this it’s 1am and I’m tired.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

high school friends/enemies

someone who delivers cookies for her

women who influenced her growing up within the club

club members who are like family

someone who mentored her in her baking

friends she lost when she spun out during college

literally anything

ESTABLISHED CONNECTIONS

wherever i go, you bring me home Rett Kahale// her brother.  her parent.  rowan is extremely close to her brother, as kids they were all each other had.  he’s done everything he could to give her a normal childhood, to make up for her parents’ lapses.  she would do just about anything for him or his daughter.  

can't stop staring, at those oceans eyes, burning cities, and napalm skies. fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes Lev Finnerty// no title.  but he’s the only man who has ever quieted her brain long enough for her to both lose her breath and catch it.  they’ve kissed a few times and have something comparable to a magnetic field between them, but lev broke it off out of respect for her brother.

i'll stand up with you forever, i'll be there for you through it all Natalie Cassadaga// her sister.  they may not have grown up together, but because of how her brother took Nat in the very same way he did her they bonded to an extent that would have been unfathomable had she not experienced it.  barring childhood, they’re sisters, no buts.

i’m a mess, i’m a loser, i’m a hater, i’m a user Freddie Dawson// her confidant.  this is the only person outside of nat who gets to see rowan admit to being a mess.  freddie gets the 100% honest version of rowan, usually with a little bit of liquid courage.

you can leave me in the dark if that's all I get from you Maximo Sanchez // her ex.  they dated in secret for 8 months before her assault.  when she spun out after the assault, she didn’t tell him and she pushed him away.  she fucked up the relationship, but she’s a little bitter about how easily he gave up on her.  

you're ripped at every edge but you're a masterpiece Angela Hunter // the best friend.  an unlikely pair given their age difference.  regardless of the time that’s passed since angie left, they picked right back up like no time had lapsed. they did so without judgement or awkward pauses.  they eat, they drink, they gossip.  they support each other when needed.  rowan is considered an aunt to Lily.  lots of cookies and weed cupcakes to be had.

'cause they’re gonna tell you all the rules to break, to take away that light Leyla Aslan // her roommate.  the boldness to rowan’s softness.  how different they are makes them work, they bring balance to each other (and rationalize the one another when they go too far).  

If you’ve made it this far, you deserve a baby Rowan picture, here.