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#it’s so real rn ngl
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Please DFO is so real rn.
Like… everything’s pointing to it. Everything. It’s just… I’m so excited to finally see it fruit into tuition after so many years of buildup.
The time has come
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apathyfairy · 7 months
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last year i found a wii at goodwill for 25 dollars and it came with everything except a wiimote but it was in such good condition i was like hell yeah ill take it how hard can it be to find a wiimote. the answer is it's nearly impossible to find them at thrift stores now so i've spent like 8 months looking for ones in thrift stores but there wasn't a single one and then online but i just couldn't bring myself to spend 30 dollars on one single wiimote so i waited so. patiently. and then 2 weeks ago i finally found one at goodwill for 9 dollars but it was absolutely disgusting and the battery cover was missing and the compartment was all corroded so i put it back and regretted it the whole week but then this last weekend i went to savers and there was an absolutely perfect wiimote just sitting there with no corrosion and a jacket and the wrist strap and motion plus and the nunchuck was there too and i got it all for 10 dollars so the moral of the story is that sometimes things seem right for you in the moment but you have to recognize that they aren't and leave them behind so the things that are meant for you will in fact find you when the time is right. peace and love <3
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noirrelite · 1 year
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The many ways I've drawn Sierra's eyes since Feb 2022, in rough chronological order (oldest to newest)
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cowboy-robooty · 2 months
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Regarding like Itager like in your mind what kind of dates do they go on
Like are they the kind of couple to go on like extravegant ass dates to like fancy restraunts and stuff or do they just like sit around in their house and like watch random movies
BOTH! I think because of germanys inexperience in his brain a date is only a date if its like "Take to dinner. Watch Movie. Wear something nice. Escort Home and if youre a slut get a kiss on the cheek." yknow the textbook definition, and because of that maybe once a month or something he will plan a date like that and be like Italy. Lets Go..... on a Date. and ofc italy is like hell yes bro me when i dont have to plan and hell pay for my meal n ticket 😍😍 I think even sometimes he borrows Japans shoujo manga (since he canonically in draws in a manga-like artstyle.. thats crazy) and studies it with sticky notes and shit to get ideas for new dates. so i think if you asked them theyd say thats what their dates are, but really theyre having casual dates like every fuckin day. Because theyre also best bros and Italy will shoot himself in the head if germany cant attend daily movie night with him (never forget when germany hung out with greece for four hours and italy went *cries* YOUVE BEEN SPENDING ALL YOUR TIME WITH GREECE LATELY....) They go on adventures together all the time like Harold and Kumars quest for white castle and i think something like that can be considered a date, since a date is just doing shit together yes? If anything I think they get equally romantic together on a fancy date and daily best bro adventures, bc on a fancy date its not like germany suddenly gets all gay, hes still normal its more like theyre just hanging out doing fancier things because germany doesnt really know how act romantic (besides being classic germany flustered... actually i think the only difference in their pda together is that as bros germany is like whatever. ill hug you its a bro thing. but when hes on a date hes like PDA IS COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE. PLEASE WAIT UNTIL WE ARE IN A PRIVATE AREA. >///< and italy goes PLEASEE PLEASEEE GERMANY KISS KISS KISS IT ISNT A DATE WITHOUT A KISS PLEASEEEE and germany goes eugh.... fine. *blushes* and does it because germany will do anything for italy if he asks twice) and italy doesnt really change his behavior either cuz if anything he already constantly acts like a clingy affectionate amoeba so its actually all the same...? The only difference i suppose is that ironically at the end of the date they usually part ways because in germanys head thats what a gentleman doss after escorting someone home and italy is like whatever lol bc either way that night he breaks into germanys house, crawls into his bed naked + uninvited, and well.... *looks around* did anybody else see that? And when theyre at home chilling the only difference is that Italy already has step one done (infiltrating germanys home) so... it always ends the same practically everyday! What a wonderful date!
*NOTE: i do think that Italy has learned that he can only try macking out on Germany inbetween episodes/movies because bro locks in hard and will go BITCH GET OFF ME IM INVESTED RN if he tried mid show. And even when germany says fine ok after Italy asks twice hell be distracted bc he was so locked in so Italy has learned its better to just wait until his brain is released from the screen. In general thats how Germany is if hes doing a task so thats why one time they got hospitalized for 2 weeks because Italy tried to give road head while also being the driver! A man has to do what a man has to do
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s-ccaam-era-crepe · 4 months
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Wearing a cowboy hat today and honestly I get it. Michael Walters has the right idea
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wilting-fl0wer · 22 days
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back muscle practice/study w Sol
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iexistapparantly · 1 year
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decreased quality bc i had to move it to a smaller file. sad. BUT THAT DOESNT MATTER. LOOK AT THIS MAN. He looks like the type of person Id trust my life with, even if that would be a very bad idea that would end with my death
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semiferalstreetcoyote · 7 months
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studying cú chullain and thinking about how one crime committed as a youth can steer the direction of your life forever. the dehumanization of being called a dog to replace the one you slaughtered yet wearing it like a badge of honor. the achillean knowledge of your fate and the bold race to meet it. the final taboo to commit, the blood of the hound, not being so far off from what began it all in the first place. also my personal opinion that he’s a werewolf given his thematic ties to dogs and the gaelic emphasis on shapeshifting and the fact that sometimes in battle he turns into a horrible ghoul but mostly the other stuff i said before
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ghastigiggles · 1 month
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have you ever considered writing fanfiction for pressure, or are you gonna stick to art ?? /genq
hnnn this is a good question
Genuinely I feel like my wife is the better authour and we balance better when I work in visual arts and they work in literary arts
Having said that I do write! I've actually started three fics so far & finished 1 for Pressure, but they're not... Content fics
& even then I'm on the fence about posting them bc it's a lot of personal AU development and lorebuilding with Audie and Cephei vis a vis the Pressure worldspace (including their relationships with Sebastian, p.AI.nter, Eyefestation, other beasties and even Urbanshade as a company) that I pass back and forth with them
If ppl are interested in that I might? Post the ones I write? As I finish them??? So let me know?
I can promise no written Content from me for now though lmao - just for now! Maybe that'll change in the future.
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forestlion · 2 months
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anyone else had insane pain in the legs bc of, one assumes, growth spurts as a child?
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blackjackkent · 3 months
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Followup to the headcanon-intensive drama from this post:
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"Sister," Rakha mutters, crouching next to Z'rell's fallen body. Her head lifts; her eyes bore into Wyll, watching her. "What did she mean, sister?"
Wyll shifts uncomfortably. "I don't know," he mutters. There's a long, strained silence. Then he adds awkwardly, "I wasn't-- I mean, I thought I must be... wrong..."
She looks down at the dead woman again. "You knew this. And you didn't tell me."
"I knew you looked similar," he says, somewhat defensively. "That's all. What good to tell you a guess with no weight, and hurt you for no cause?"
She flicks her glare towards Lae'zel. "And you? You knew this?"
"I noticed nothing," Lae'zel growls. "She was an enemy. Why should I see anything of you in her?"
Rakhya ignores this sentiment just as she ignored Wyll's. "And you?" This to Minthara now, who is standing some distance from the others, watching silently.
For a long time, Minthara doesn't answer, just looks back at her steadily. Then she grunts with a slight shrug. "That you are related? Obvious in retrospect, though I did not look for it. But did I know it? No. She never spoke of a sister." She takes a step forward, kicking aside the body of one of the cultists that stands in her way. "Z'rell and I spoke only a handful of times. She considered herself superior to all she spoke to, save Ketheric himself. I am sure she would have thought it far beneath her notice to be bound by blood to anyone."
Another long silence. Then she steps forward again, to Rakha's side, and rests a hand on her shoulder. "I see it troubles you. But you are not the first to kill kin, if kin she is," she says gravely.
Is that what I am? Troubled? Rakha looks down again at the dead woman with the face so like her own, and tries to parse some comprehensible thought out of the mess of emotions swirling in her head. "I do not remember her," she mutters. "I do not think she remembered me, until just at the last. But she knew me. Had I let her live... perhaps she might have finally given me answers."
"Had she lived," Minthara says bluntly, "it would be her knife in your throat instead. Do not fool yourself with impossibilities." She looks down at Rakha keenly. "You are stronger than that."
Rakha shrugs. She feels empty, drained to the dregs, a shell for the beast to live in. "Who am I?" she asks the unmoving corpse before her in a low mutter. Then, louder, "Who am I?"
A sudden shout, bursting from her like an explosion. "WHO AM I, DAMN YOU!? WHO AM I?!"
The corpse does not answer.
She remembers the spell He Who Was cast out in the darkness, the spell that dragged the soul back into the body to answer questions.(*) She starts to her feet abruptly, her hands lifting, dragging at the Weave, forcing it into the shape she remembers.
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Her eyes glow pale green and the energy surges out of her into Z'rell's body. The corpse lurches into the air, its back arching as if suspended at the waist by a rope. Its eyes open, blank and staring in its slack face.
"Who am I?" Rakha demands.
"Interloper. Returned exile..." rasps Z'rell's corpse.
Not good enough. "Who am I?" Rakha demands again.
"Tables turned..." whispers Z'rell. "Under my boot at last..."
"Who am I?" Rakha growls between her teeth.
"The chosen... the worthy..." The corpse's death-whine is mocking. "Always the first in line..."
Rakha's breath is quickening with agitation and rage. "Who am I?!" she demands, and it's half a shout now.
"My sister!" wails Z'rell; her head spasms to one side. "Twin but not equal--"
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"WHO AM I?!" Rakha bellows, and the green fire in her eyes glows brighter still.
"Child of... murder..." wheezes the corpse.
The light fades. The body sags down out of the magical grip and hits the floor with a heavy thump.
Silence. Rakha stares down at the dead woman's body, her shoulders heaving, her fists clenched white-knuckled at her sides. No one moves - not Rakha, not her companions, not the two or three frightened-looking Harpers who have been watching this scene unfold.
"RrrrrraaaaaaRRRGHHHHHH!" Rakha lashes out abruptly with a kick at Z'rell's head. The corpse's head snaps to the side with a visceral crack. "Damn you. Damn you. Damn you!"
She hisses out a heavy breath through a clenched jaw and turns away. "We press on."
"Rakha..." Wyll takes a cautious step towards her, reaching out a hand towards her arm, but she jerks away.
"We press on," she repeats sharply. "Ketheric must die too before I'm satisfied."
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(*) Rakha actually has Speak With Dead as a slotless ritual spell as a result of having turned some pages in the Necromancy of Thay, months ago. But the business with He Who Was is much fresher in her mind. Tragically, Z'rell is not actually available for Speak With Dead in-game for me to get screenshots of her corpse in it; I tried, all the way to the point of sending Rakha back to camp for a respec so she could disguise herself while doing it. But it's my story and I do what I want.
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averlym · 1 year
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HI I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE INTO ADAMANDI HOLY SHIT. Can’t believe so few people know about this masterpiece of a musical
:OOOOO hai i agree it is criminally (haha yknow bc there are crimes..) underrated!! and really brilliant!!! discovered it literally midway through the week and akdfjgsjhdsjhjgdf
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have a doodle of the saints :3
#this is kinda because on someone's insta i saw one of the saints doing a peace sign dksajh have smth silly#adamandi#ask me stuff???#realising i have to put my tags at the beginning before rambles or tumblr won't catch it#i am into adamandi. now. this is terrible timing because exam season but hMM the academic grindset really resonates now huh#the moment i caught myself in the ao3 tag i was like ''oh.''#i have so many thoughts. so many many thoughts. im so insane about this musical actually. also the fandom so far seems so nice#also yeah! the number of people who know about it is quite small huh.. it makes me kinda feel like im infiltrating the group... ?#late to the party as ever. but it's. so so good. such a musical ever the brainrot is real#also the way the creators themselves are active on tumblr :OO rly cool. ngl the tags they left under my posts had me#giggling screaming kicking my feet etcetera... and bc apparently i thrive off positive reinforcement that sparked the whole cut fruit art..#i am itching to know about the track thing with portia. also portrix real the lesbians keep winning!! also also i may have spent half a day#internet stalking ><. secret pinterest boards where :O#anyway thank you for the ask anon idk how to answer concisely but yes. adamandi. oh my god.#miscellany: can we appreciate ambrose's high notes.. also i was on wiki reading about ''apollonian vs dionysian'' it's insane#on yet another note. im entering my lin era rn i think. what a time. where can i run so true + vincent's surname my beloved. forest imagery#side note? tiny little detail i'd love to do smth about in the future: in word to the wise there's smth about “appraising your rings” and i#the one who pulls the strings beatrix mentions “bought my classmates rings” like. kjdfhsgjkhd???? thinks.#.. but new fav musical unlocked is all#between this and watt i am maybe into my murder musical era. confession that i don't do horror much because i have an overactive imaginatio#but like those two hit the spot. and i think organic imagery.. blood visuals.. is very cool// and the moment you start looking at literal#life and death situations then the dramaticness especially comes in and that's fun!! // also i read smth today about tragedy making you#appreciate irl stuff more. like ''wow thats messed up im sure glad that isnt me i love life''. and lowkey?? yeah
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deus-ex-mona · 5 months
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yurusanta: the ✨gift✨ that keeps on ✨giving✨
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angelpuns · 11 months
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Having one of those weeks where I'm so busy/so consumed by so many things I'm having trouble remembering to talk to people/remembering WHEN I talked to people so posting is gonna be way way way slowed down ( other than Kid Leo update today I mean )
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yallwildinrn · 11 months
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Snake in the Grass: Chapter 1
For @ckhalloween23's catch-all prompt: An Empty Grave
This is a horror fic I've been working on since May or June. Given my current pace, it probably won't be out until the latter half of next year, butttt since I have this first chapter done (and I wanted it to be done in time for Halloween of this year), I figured I'd go ahead and post this as a preview and a treat! Well, treat for you guys and me haha.
Content warning for alcohol, bars, and general spookiness.
Pool balls whizz & clack against one another, but the sound is mostly drowned out. The bar, while not packed, is bustling with life, as is typical for a Friday evening; the sounds of yelling, laughter, and glasses clinking fill the already cramped space. It’s the victory cry of men who have been itching for the work week to finally, finally, end.
Dim, warm lights mask dirty floors and mysterious stains of unknown origin that seem to infect any and every upholstered seat. The single TV crammed into the back corner behind the bar top has caught the attention of several men, all shouting and celebrating – or complaining – at every pitch of the game with gnashing teeth. The bartender scrambles to sling out drink after drink of who-knows-what for the night’s customers.
Johnny himself is seated at a round, wooden table shoved near the back of the room. It’s almost uncomfortably close to the billiards tables, and each shrill hit against the pool balls becomes harder to ignore as the night wears on. He’s got some good distraction, though.
He lounges in his chair with a Coors in hand, surrounded by his friends. Bobby sits at his right, sipping his bourbon, while counterclockwise from there are Jimmy, Dutch, and Tommy. It’s tight, mostly because they had to steal a seat for Jimmy, but Johnny doesn’t mind. Not a damn bit.
He takes a long, slow sip from his drink. He still can’t believe they graduated from West Valley six whole years ago, and yet here they are, still thick as thieves. It’s not the same as it was back in high school (images of late-night, high-speed rides on their Hondas and getting plastered on the beach come to mind), but given how damn busy they all are, it’s an impressive amount of effort to keep traditions & meet-ups alive – like these monthly get-togethers at the bar, for example.
Johnny half-listens to a light-hearted argument between Tommy & Jimmy about baseball players he doesn’t give a shit about. Dutch, caught in the middle, has decided to antagonize the two of them by playing devil’s advocate for both sides. Things are getting heated, but it’s nothing Johnny finds worth worrying about. A nudge to Johnny’s arm snatches his attention away, and he turns to see Bobby with an expectant gaze and a soft, tipsy smile on his lips. Johnny reciprocates the smile without even thinking; he can thank the fact that he’s at least a few drinks in for that.
Bobby’s eyes sparkle as he leans towards Johnny. His cheeks are flushed, and his breath is rich and yeasty, laced with just a hint of sweetness. He smirks at Johnny and says, “I’ve been meaning to ask. How’s your back doing, old man?”
Anddd there it is. Johnny rolls his eyes good-naturedly as he answers, “Well, I’m no longer bed-ridden, so there’s that. I think I’ll be good to go back in a week or two once Dr. Gates gives me the green-light. I’m not supposed to see her for another two weeks, but if I feel better before then, I’m gonna see if she can squeeze me in, see if I can get back to work sooner.”
Bobby raises his brows in a look of mock shock, but it’s accompanied by a wry smile. “Did I just hear Johnny Lawrence say he’s trying to get back to work sooner? Thought you had worker’s comp to fall back on?”
“I do,” Johnny explains, snatching the neck of his Coors. The glass is smothered with wet drops of condensation that leave watery rings on the tabletop. “Just turns out that worker’s comp isn’t nearly as good as a roofing job. Pays the bills, but man.”
Johnny shakes his head and takes a swig of his beer. The icy cold liquid feels like a blessing, and he sighs as the bottle leaves his lips.
Bobby shrugs a little awkwardly. He tries to reassure Johnny as best he can by reminding him, “Hey, at least you’re getting comp this time.”
Johnny frowns harshly and shuts his eyes for a moment like he’s trying to will away a headache. He sets his beer down with a soft thunk, and the moisture clinging to the glass is already dripping back onto the table. He glares at a nearby wall and mutters, “Don’t remind me.”
“I’m just saying,” Bobby starts with a warm smile, swishing the alcohol in his glass with one hand. “Not working under the table has its perks.”
Another round of loud cheers fills the room. Sounds like someone finally hit the damn ball. “Yeah, but the government also takes half my damn paycheck. Jimmy still hasn’t helped me figure out how to deduct all my taxes yet,” Johnny says, loudly pulling Jimmy into the conversation.
Jimmy turns away from his own conversation with Tommy & Dutch. He leans onto an elbow and smiles at Johnny, but it’s certainly not genuine; if anything, there’s a bite to it. He answers, “Just because I’m an accountant doesn’t mean I can magically fix your taxes, Johnny. Become a business, then we can talk.”
Johnny flips him off, earning a round of chuckles around the table as Jimmy rolls his eyes and relaxes back into his seat. Dutch points at Jimmy with his beer bottle and asks the accountant, “Speaking of, have you finally been let out of your cage? First time we’ve seen you in, what? Months?”
Jimmy sighs, and Johnny realizes that the polo Jimmy’s wearing is probably the most casual thing he’s worn out and about in a while. “Tax season is finally over. Thank god for that,” Jimmy trails off, and he takes a long swig from his glass.
Tommy eyes his friends and pipes up, “Too late for another round of shots?”
Another round sounds fucking amazing. Johnny instead answers, “I’d love to, but my wallet says no.”
Bobby chimes in, “My liver also says no. That first round was enough for me.”
Dutch’s face crinkles into disappointment as he boos Bobby from across the table. His chair tips back an almost dangerous amount while he does. He shakes his head and laments, “Ya think you know a guy, but then he goes to priest school and becomes a damn prude.”
Bobby glares at him as his grip tightens on his glass. “It’s called seminary, and I’m becoming a pastor, not a priest.”
Tommy snickers & nudges Dutch, giving him a mischievous look. He points out, “Didn’t say he wasn’t a prude.”
Johnny snorts, earning himself a Bobby-patented glare, which then sends him into a laughing fit. Sometimes it can genuinely be scary to be on the receiving end of that gaze, but most of the time (especially after all these years,) it’s become damn hilarious. There’s another vicious clack of the pool balls; the start of a new game.
“I hate all of you,” Bobby huffs. He crosses his arms and leans back into his chair, dragging his gaze across the figures of his (almost) drunk friends, who are still much more sober than half of the room. “Why do I even hang out with you assholes? What did I do to deserve this?”
Jimmy sips on his glass and looks at Bobby. His lips curl into a wry smile. “Be a prude?”
Johnny thinks he can see a vein bulge in Bobby’s forehead, and he has to stifle another snort. Bobby’s lips pull into a tight, frustrated line across his face. He finishes the last of his bourbon with a small gulp and slaps his palm onto the table so he can push himself out of his chair. “I fucking hate you. All of you. I’m getting another drink.”
He pushes his chair back in with his foot and starts to weave through the maze of people & tables, and Tommy smiles like a Cheshire cat and calls out, “Can you-?”
“No,” Bobby yells back as he crosses the bustling room. Tommy cackles in his seat, and Dutch follows suit, clapping a hand on Tommy’s shoulder and howling beside him. Johnny simply shakes his head and leans onto the table, resting on his forearms.
The wood sticks to his skin. He can only imagine how much dust is trapped under layers of sticky god-knows-what. Probably more than he realizes. It’s kind of gross to think about, but it doesn’t really faze him, especially when everything about this bar fits that bill. Not much about this place is great: the bartender’s a dick, the bowls of pretzels are stale as shit and few & far between, it’s impossible to find a seat without a weird stain on it, and there’s never more than two beers on tap.
That doesn’t mean it’s all bad, though. Johnny never has to worry about them running out of Coors. It’s a pretty good distance between all their places. The prices aren’t half bad, and hell, it doesn’t even come close to gracing their top ten list of “Shittiest Bars This Side of California!” So yeah, really not all bad, at least if you ask him.
Tommy’s hyena-like cackle grabs Johnny’s attention and pulls him back into whatever conversations he’s missed. “No, no,” Tommy starts, smiling wide. “I’m just- can you believe any of us actually graduated?”
Jimmy levies Tommy with a self-satisfied smile. “No, I actually can’t believe any of you guys graduated,” he teases. Tommy rolls his eyes.
Dutch scowls. “Yes, yes, we know. You made an A once and got into a big boy college, keep it in your pants,” He replies gruffly, finishing his statement with a swig.
“That’s not what I meant,” Tommy elaborates dryly while gesturing with his drink. “You’re not wrong, but think about it. Our senior year was such a shitshow.”
Dutch smirks and looks Johnny’s way. “I blame Romeo over here. Had no idea a breakup would lead to all that bullshit with LaRusso.”
Johnny stifles at the comment, and his cheeks flush – now red from more than just the alcohol – as he glares at Dutch. He’s about to bark out a comeback, but Bobby cuts him off when he comes sauntering back, freshly filled glass in hand, and retorts, “Oh please, we’re all to blame. We escalated it when we should’ve just left things alone.”
Bobby slides into his chair a little ungracefully, wood scraping against the floor, while Dutch shifts uncomfortably in his seat. He nods his head down a little sheepishly because… yeah. Bobby’s right, as much Johnny hates to admit it. Back at West Valley, they were all chomping at the bit to put the twerp in his place, but none of that needed to happen or even should have happened. They saw red, and LaRusso got caught in the crossfire. It was like they didn’t even see him. Just a conveniently placed punching bag.
The table’s air stills; the rest of the bar continues to thrum with activity while the atmosphere of their little corner slowly ices over. Johnny purses his lips and sips at his beer. Guilt gnaws his ribcage. Even after all these years, after the apologies and many, many steps to make things right, he’s still stuck with bitter memories that choke him up. He opts to study the many dings & scratches on the table rather than meet any of his friends’ eyes.
Jimmy’s the first to break the tense silence. “You know, if we have anyone to blame, it’s Kreese,” he spits out. It hits Johnny like a jab to the chest. He’s taken aback as Jimmy says this, but the man continues, “He put so much bullshit in our heads! All that punch first, think second nonsense. Like, come on-”
“Wait, wait,” Johnny interrupts while waving his hand to stop Jimmy in his tracks. How can he just say that? “Look, he was a total douchebag – I should fucking know – but we’re the ones who took what he said too far. We were still the ones who fucked with LaRusso. He didn’t tell us to do any of that shit.”
Tommy shifts beside him and stumbles over his words. “Yeah, like- but- Look, okay, you’re right, it’s totally on us for taking shit way too far, but Johnny,” Tommy says, and he turns to Johnny with pleading eyes. “He literally taught us to have no mercy. Literally. That’s not an exaggeration.”
Johnny frowns. “Yeah, but we took it out of context. He obviously meant to not take no for an answer, to- to keep pushing on despite the circumstances,” he explains. Are they seriously saying this shit? Even after all these years? After everything Kreese did for them? For fuck’s sake…
Dutch is next to speak. He throws Johnny an odd look as he adds, “Did we go to the same Cobra Kai? Because the one I went to taught us to do fucking everything to the extreme. Including the no mercy shit. Hell, he even had us do karate to the extreme. All those extra goddamn practices…”
“Yeah, and they were good for us. We needed some discipline!” Johnny snaps back defensively. His blood is starting to boil with every bullshit argument that his friends make.
He starts to bounce his leg. The sounds of laughter pouring out from a nearby table makes him want to snarl. He doesn’t get it, how can his friends just- just pass the blame onto Kreese? The guy at least tried to help them and make them into better people (before his sensei lost his mind, that is.)
Johnny turns to Bobby, who’s worrying his lip and squirming like he’s sitting on an anthill. “Come on,” Johnny says. “Back me up here.”
Bobby looks away from Johnny, jaw tense, but he turns back. He lets out a breath, look Johnny square on with a worrying level of sincerity, and says, “Johnny. Kreese worked us so hard once that you forget it was Ali’s birthday. She broke up with you over that.”
Johnny’s skin buzzes. He’s all too aware of the overpowering noise of the room. Hell, he feels like he can feel the next table over breathing on him. His stomach rolls. “That is not what happened,” Johnny insists with a hard stare. “Practice that day was not that bad. I remember it. It was fine.”
Tommy scoffs, “Then why were you so quick to go out drinking with us?”
Johnny’s more tense than a stretched-out rubber band, and he feels like he’s going to snap like one, too. He scowls and answers, “I forgot because…”
Johnny blinks and turns his gaze down. Sweat collects at the back of his neck while his chest tightens.
“No, I-I forgot because…”
His mouth is a cotton ball. He’s reaching into his mind, searching for the memory, but he just… it’s not right. It’s there, but somehow, it also isn’t. He remembers being brought in for an extra practice with his cobras, Twig being brought in to watch & help, the end of practice, getting ready to leave, and then…
His temples throb as tries harder to remember, but he can’t. There’s a gap, a void where something should be. It’s not like he’s just forgotten the details, god no. He’s actively reaching into his mind, searching and grasping for what should be there, sandwiched between the sparring and the night at the bar, but he just… He can’t. He can’t get there. Every time he thinks he’s brushing against what might be the memory in question, a pulsing throb shakes his skull, and it rattles his train of thought loose.
His eyes dart between his friends. His heart pounds furiously against his vice of a ribcage, and he wipes his sweaty palms against the thighs of his pants. Their faces are a varied array of distress and confusion. Why do they look like that? Are they trying – and failing – to remember, just like him? Shit, why can’t he remember?
A chill threatens to run down his spine. Could he ever remember?
When he was fresh off the breakup with Ali, he would spend hours torturing himself with all the ways he screwed things up; it was his way of trying to nail down exactly what he did wrong. Except… he always left that practice turned night-on-the-town alone. He never touched it, to his knowledge. Is- Is this why? Every time he tried to play the events over in his mind, would he get to this downright anomaly of a gap in his memory, and did it make him feel- well, make him feel like he does now? Sick and shaken?
Is that why he never, never thinks about the inciting incident that led Ali to yell at him and tell him things were done? Did the avoidance become muscle memory at some point so he would never try to recall that night & the memories associated with it?
He knows the answer. He doesn’t like it.
It doesn’t even feel natural. It’s not like he just forgot; no, it’s more like something was ripped out unceremoniously or maybe strangled and hidden in an unreachable corner of his mind. Does it matter what type of wrong it is? He wipes the sweat from his brow; the heat from the crowd of the bar tonight has finally caught up to him, it seems.
His mind circles back. Why can’t he remember? Why is there a gap? How long has it been there? Has- has it always been there? And not just any gap. No, a gap that, when he tries to recall upon what should be there, snaps up & bites him like a cornered animal. His head is throbbing. He fumbles for his beer and takes a long drink.
He looks again to his friends. He can only imagine the expression on his own face given theirs. He takes a chance and says, “Please tell me I-I’m not the only one who…”
Bobby slowly shakes his head, eyebrows knit, but he doesn’t meet Johnny’s gaze. Jimmy and Dutch don’t move; they simply squirm and keep their eyes down. Tommy’s chest is heaving as he sits up straight and looks ahead with a mix of fear and uncertainty. Johnny knows they must be in the same boat as him. They have to be.
Tommy answers with a shaky voice, “Who what?” Johnny almost drops his mouth wide open. Tommy’s asking that even though the man isn’t meeting anyone’s eyes and looks like he wants to run out of the room?
“Who what? What do you mean who what?” Johnny asks incredulously. “Who- who can’t fucking remember what happened that night!”
Tommy’s smiling, but it’s strained. He answers, voice as tight as his lips, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Johnny grips his Coors so hard he thinks it’s going to shatter in his hands. “What do you mean what I’m-? You know exactly what I mean. Look at us! Look at yourself! Something’s not right.”
“Johnny,” Bobby pleads. At some point he rested his forehead in his hands, elbows on the table. “You’re- you’re not wrong, but Christ-”
Johnny turns to face Bobby with an eager gaze. He cuts him off, saying, “You can’t remember, either. It’s not just me. Something’s wrong.”
Bobby sighs through his nose. He’s getting frustrated; it’s a tell Johnny knows well. “No, Johnny,” Bobby says shortly. “I can’t remember. But I don’t want to. God, I just… I think I can speak for all of us when I say let’s just drop it. Please. I don’t want to think about-”
Bobby’s practically pleading, but Johnny doesn’t care. What’s more fucking important: a little bit of discomfort or the fact none of them remember the same exact damn thing?
Johnny cuts him off again and snarls, “About the fact there’s a fucking gap in our memories? The same gap for all of us, I’m willing to bet? One we’ve probably had since that night?”
Bobby shuts his eyes, and Johnny’s not sure if the man is going to cry or punch him, but given their shared history at Cobra Kai, it’s probably the latter. Dutch speaks up next, snapping, “Johnny! Just drop it! Yes, our memories are fucked, big whoop. I don’t care! I don’t want to think about it either! I don’t know about you, but I don’t like trying to remember and feeling my skin try to crawl off my body.”
Johnny drums his fingers against his bottle. He can’t fight the scowl on his lips. “Seriously? You’re just going to ignore this? Just like that?”
Dutch laughs bitterly. “Seems like we’ve been doing that for years, man,” he says with a shake of the head, but he pauses and looks Johnny straight on. “You know what? Hold on, let me ask you something. Let’s say we do talk about this shit. Have a little pow-wow and Agatha Christie our way through this bullshit. What the hell would we even do? Seriously, how in the fuck would you even recommend we- we try to fix this? Please, share with the class!”
Johnny opens his mouth to answer but shuts it tight in that same instant. His cheeks flush again. He genuinely has no idea where to start, actually. He does know that if they work together, they might have a shot, but Dutch writing him off with that cruel smile makes Johnny want to scream.
“Exactly,” Dutch says like the self-assured bastard he is, gesturing at Johnny with his drink in hand. “We can’t do shit, and since we’ve gone this long without thinking about it, why stop now? Sounds like none of us want to think about it, for christ’s sake.”
Johnny’s throat is tight. He can hardly believe what Dutch is saying. What Tommy and Bobby have been fucking saying. His blood pulses under his skin, and he turns to Jimmy, almost begging, “Jimmy. Come on, back me up. We can’t just pretend this never happened.”
Jimmy doesn’t look him in the eye, and it’s enough to make Johnny’s heart sink. The brunette swallows, lips turned downward ever so slightly, and he hesitantly answers, “Look, I-I’m sorry Johnny. I can’t. Why don’t we just… let sleeping dogs lie? All remembering does is hurt, and we can’t do anything about it, so why can’t we just…”
Johnny screws his eyes shut tight and flexes a hand in and out of a fist a few times. He brings his Coors to his lips, takes a healthy gulp, and slams the bottle back onto the table with enough force to make his friends jump a little. He glares at them all. He can hardly believe all the bullshit he’s heard tonight.
“Why can’t I just what? Drop it? Why aren’t you pussies willing to do anything about this?! It’s not right! Something is fucking wrong, and you just want to act like nothing happened!” Johnny says. His voice is starting to raise, and he’s getting the attention of a few nearby patrons, but quite frankly, he doesn’t give a shit. Fuck ‘em. “What is wrong with you guys? Who gives a fuck if it hurts to think about it! Something is wrong, and it sure as hell wasn’t just forgotten. It’s gone. Or- or it’s there and we just can’t reach it but- Who cares! It’s still weird as shit, and you’re all just pretending like nothing fucking happened like a bunch of pussies!”
Bobby attempts to soothe him by saying, “Johnny, please, I don’t think this is as bad as you’re saying.”
Johnny feels his muscles tense, and he swears to god, he might break a tooth from how hard his jaw is clenched. He gets tunnel vision for a moment, only able to focus on the traitorous words that just came out of Bobby’s mouth, and when his vision clears, everything is suddenly too much again – screeching pool balls, wails & shouts from the crowd around them, the way his body is vibrating under his skin. He has to fight against the urge to throw & shatter his beer bottle on the ground (likely only because he’s not done quite with it yet).
He can’t believe that Bobby of all people would say that to him. Talk down to him like that. That simple sentence rubs him raw like coarse sandpaper dragged his skin. It conjures up painful memories of his mom brushing aside his pleas for help and, on occasion, Kreese asking him through a sneer if he’s a loser. And worst of all, Bobby knows this, better than anyone else. He’s been the one to listen to Johnny rant and rage about being brushed off and ignored. He knows how that phrase sets Johnny’s blood alight.
Johnny chugs the rest of his beer in one fell swoop and steps out of his chair so fast & hard it tumbles. He doesn’t even bother picking it up. He bites out, “Fuck this. I’m going home. I don’t give a fuck what you do. Pretend for all I care! Don’t come crying to me when this shit blows up in all of our faces.”
Johnny ignores Bobby’s protests as he begins to chase after the taller man, trying to get Johnny to talk to him or whatever. Johnny can’t talk to him, won’t. He can’t even look at him right now. He grits his teeth as he weaves between people, and the longer Bobby follows, the more certain Johnny becomes that he really might start swinging.
Johnny has to shoulder his way into an open spot and wait for the bartender to slide by, but flashing some cash is all it takes to grab his attention. He feels like his skin is going to vibrate right off his body, and he snaps at some asshole sitting beside him who tells him to watch it.
Bobby catches up to Johnny as he’s trying to pay the bartender, worthless platitudes tumbling out of his mouth, and Johnny hisses through clenched teeth, “If you don’t lay off, I’m gonna knock your teeth out, I swear to god.”
It works as intended. Bobby steps back, startled and wide-eyed. Johnny knows he looks a little wild right now, but he just does not care. He feels like he’s one wrong word or move away from snapping, from saying & doing shit he’s going to regret. He just wants to get out of this fucking bar and away from his shithead friends.
Johnny breathes a small sigh of relief when Bobby accepts defeat and slinks back to the table stuffed in the back of the room. He always was the smartest of the five of them. He knew when it was time to leave things be before it blew up in their faces. Johnny thinks of Daniel, and he feels a little sick, but it’s replaced with another wave of hot, tepid anger again, the same kind that haunted him all through high school.
With his tab paid, Johnny shoves his way out of the bar, other patrons throwing protests, swears, & a few obscene gestures at him, but Johnny makes himself ignore it and pushes on. If he starts to pay attention and care right now, even a little, he’s probably gonna get the cops called on his ass, and he just- he can’t deal with that on top of everything else tonight.
He opens the bar door with a hard shove, and the chill night air washes over him. While the streets are neither silent nor empty, it’s still much better than the bar, and he feels his chest loosen enough that he can breathe again. He stomps over to his Avanti, and halfway through sticking his key into the door’s lock, he decides that he doesn’t have enough beer at home to deal with this night.
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ciderjacks · 8 months
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I love being a freshman in college it’s awesome
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