#it’s so much funnier now though because I understand all the jokes. because I’m a grownup

[local-queer-classicist]

Pssst, hey guys… Netflix has all 6 seasons of hit 2000s sitcom Reba. Do with this information what you will.

[luffyvace]

Izuku x male reader

This is fluff so it’s gonna be sweet but don’t expect only “cute baby Izuku 🥺” bc I’m writing accurate to canon him/manga him 😜

(Your a UA student in class 1A for these<3)

Izuku’s Love languages are acts of service and quality time

even though quality time sometimes get scarce because class A is hectic

its called quality time not quantity time

Its about how you spend your time together, not always how much

although I will say you make as much time for each other as possible

you guys train, eat, nap, jog, watch tv/videos together

And of course make lots and lots of jokes

you two have so many inside jokes class A doesn’t understand 😂

It fine you don’t explain it, it’s funnier that way

he does you lots of favors for acts of service

you really don’t even have to tell him!

its the little stuff like, cleaning up a mess for you, getting your jacket when he knows your going out, reminding you about tests and to study!

which on that topic you two study together when you can

but izuku is really busy and spends a lot of energy in the day

As we saw in some episodes he goes to sleep as soon as he makes it in his room

but he does his best!

your likely busy too! Like I said UA is pretty hectic

Even though he has a lot on his plate, he makes time for you

he does lots of little things for your relationship

weekly mental check ins where you sit down and talk/vent or chatter if the week has gone good

video game marathons/competitions

going out to events together likes pop up festivals

buying each other clothes spontaneously

(oops this is coming off really gn let’s switch it up<3)

when izuku realized he was in love with a male..

it made no difference

No fr mha is modern enough to have the clock app why wouldn’t this kinda thing be normal

he might not have realized he was bi before you though

originally he thought he was straight bc he always got flustered around girls

but when you came around and made him feel way more nervous than any girl ever had??

yeah you know that bi panic meme?

he got a slap of that

💥💥

Homophobes is not the worst he’s run into tbh so now that he stands up for himself, he will stand up for you and your relationship as well!

he doesn’t really have the best roasts or whatever but he certainly doesn’t let them get away with it!

forget them tbh let’s move on to a more wholesome topic 💗

Meeting inko!!

when she found out you were a guy she raised her eyebrows then slowly smiled

she was 100% supportive!!

izuku wasn’t really hesitant about telling her or anything because he knew his mother isnt judgemental

when she meets you she’s ecstatic!

she makes a savory dinner and probably shares way too many adorable stories about izuku’s past

Which he gets really embarrassed and you guys end up in his room after so she can’t keep rambling

random but I also feel you and izuku also read manga together

If you like it :)

training with him is..harsh to say the least 😀

like fr no holding back for either of you

If you don’t have a combat compatible quirk this is basically a one-sided beating

only playing!

but seriously he’s letting loose

”what if this was a real battle and you were in danger?!”

”ok but..your punching me like IM the villain”

you’ll be aight 🙂

He told you about his quirk depending on how soon you two met

If you met in middle school or before he likely told you like straight away

mb all might he couldn’t keep it in

if you met in UA, However, he probably either waited a few months after you became friends or started dating

he tells you when your friends if your instant best friends but if your just the occasional “hi m/n!” Then it’s likely after you two get together

pranks.

Yes they happen.

him to you, you to him

you still teenagers after all why not?

if your feeling a silly goofy mood what better to do than surprise your partner? 😋

oddly enough, once you get close enough in the relationship, I feel he’s the one that initiated them!

you guys only do innocent little things that don’t hurt anybody, of course

annoying each other also happens

not in the actual annoyed sense

just the type where your like “BRO STOP!!” But your still smiling 😂

like idk putting one putting their feet next to the others face typa thing

again still harmless

your never really mad at each other and you always make jokes and laugh it off in the end

heroes.

how could I not talk about this?

they’re his favs!!

not to mention I hope your fav hero all might..

bc one, his room.

and two, his rants.

like you’d have to explicitly state you either have a diff fav or are just tired of the rants bc…..bro will go ON.

If I’m gonna talk about heroes gotta talk about villains too right?

so izuku tells you that he wants to save the villains

and that he sees children in them

unhealed, scarred, children.

he rants to you about this on mental check in days

and you listen, he appreciates that.

he gets the feeling no one gets him in that sense, and even if you don’t at least you hear him out!

izuku so so so loves you!

it’s super sweet that you so so so love him too 💝

Writing for izuku is so easy! I love writing for my favs bc thoughts pop out like poop :)

(LOL). No seriously I wrote this faster than expected. Hopefully I clear drafts soon so I can open requests :^

[thechaoticfanartist]

Ooh for the ask game…Obi-Wan and Grim’s first meeting from Obi-Wan’s POV?

Send me "POV" and I'll write a scene from one of my fics/wips in another character's POV.

Please, I've always joked that their first interactions would be even funnier from Obi-Wan's perspective and you have proved me right.

Originally from Chapter 1 of TCWGANV.

Word Count: 939

The battle was going smoothly. Obi-Wan led the 212th against the droid army. Everything was normal - and then there was a shift in the Force. A powerful one. He could not place it - he had never felt anything like this before.

Then he noticed a young girl hiding behind a rock, but it wasn’t as much cover as she thought it was. He ran in front of her and deflected a droid’s blaster bolt. Then he turned around, she couldn’t be any older than fourteen. “Are you alright?” He asked her.

She blinked. “Holy shit. You’re fucking Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

He elected to ignore her profanity. She was in shock - clearly. How had she even ended up in the middle of this battle without anyone realizing? “Are you alright?” Obi-Wan asked again.

She blinked again. This time he could tell she was registering his question. “Yeah, thanks to you, you saved me, thanks,” she replied, clearly shaken.

“You should get to a safer area, it’s dangerous for you to be here,” he told her.

She nodded. “Okay, yeah, I’ll do that. Do you know where a safer area is?”

Obi-Wan gave her instructions on where she could go to avoid being in the middle of an active warzone. She nodded, and he hoped she was paying attention, her life might depend on it. Once she started to follow his directions he ran off back to the battle, hoping the child would be okay.

He had dropped his lightsaber. Before he could pick it up - the girl from before used the Force to do so. She ignited his weapon and ran in front of him before he was hit by a blaster bolt. Obi-Wan was taken completely by surprise.

She turned around and handed him back his lightsaber. “You dropped something,” she informed him, casually. He wondered if she had any idea of what she had done.

Now he was the one left in shock. It almost took him a moment to register what had happened. Although he didn’t let it show - he was the Jedi Master here after all. “Thank you,” he said, slightly embarrassed. Keeping a calm composure he then said: “Though I believed I told you to get someplace safe?”

She blinked. Clearly only now registering what she had done. “Right! I’ll, uh, I’ll go do that now.” With that she awkardly ran off.

How strange. He thought. He would have to talk to her after the battle about her clear ablity to use the Force. But first, of course, he had to win the battle.

When the battle finally came to an ending however, it was not Obi-Wan who found the girl, but rather she who had found him. She approached him, and he could tell she seemed a little nervous. “Hello, do you think you could help me?”

“What do you need help with?” Obi-Wan asked.

“Okay so, first let me introduce myself, I’m Grim Kennet, and I’m from another universe where all of this is fictional, anyways I’ve seen a lot of this universe and I don’t really like the ending. It’s super upsetting and a lot of people die, and I don’t want that to happen. And I think, because I’m from another universe and all, I can prevent that from ever happening, I mean it’s going to be hard, but I have to try! I can’t let people die if I can stop it! I know it’s crazy, and you probably don’t believe me, and I understand! But do you think maybe you can help me?”

He blinked. She was right, it was crazy. Another universe? Did that mean the multiverse existed? He had a hard time believing her, but he wasn’t going to outright tell Grim that. “Well, you seem like an ah…spirtited young person, and you’ve already demonstrated your….potentional today.” It was true, at least. He placed a hand on her shoulder. “I believe we’ll be seeing much more of each other in the future, but I also believe we’d better figure out where you’ll be staying before I can bring you to the Council. Shall we?”

She grinned ear to ear. “Alright!”

“What does your home look like, young one? Perhaps I can help you find it.”

She frowned. Oops. “You don’t believe me. How can I prove it? I’m being honest with you. How can I prove to you I’m from another universe and know about this one?”

She was certianly smart. He had an idea for her. “Perhaps inform me of something you wouldn’t be able to know otherwise.”

She smiled. “Alright.” She thought about it for a moment. “How long has the war been going on?” She asked. “Just so I don’t spoil the future.”

A smart idea. He was about to tell her when she answered the question for herself. “Know what never mind it’s still season one territory you’re wearing armor, possibly season two, but I feel like it’s season one.” He wanted to ask how she figured that out from his armor and what it implied but didn’t get the chance to. “Okay, something before The Clone Wars show…”

Show? This war was a TV show in her universe?

Grim continued to think for a moment before she settled on something. “This is something you said to Qui-Gon many years ago: ‘you were right Master, the negotiations were short,’ or is that not enough proof?”

Obi-Wan was left speechless. There was no way she could have known that. She was indeed telling the truth. “Alright,” he said at last. “You’ve made your point.”

This was perhaps the strangest day in his life.

Tag List (let me know if you want to be added or removed) : @padme--amygdala @soclonely @mrfandomwars @jgvfhl @starlonkedd @milfspectre1 @togrutanduin @jedi-valjean @one-real-imonkey @traygaming @aiylasdrawings @keoxus  @dykerebel @veiled-in-stars @sentineljedi @spicysucculentz @amelia-song-pond @it-was-rose @saturnsokas @thejediprincessqueenofnaboo @veradragonjedi @arrthurpendragon @shrinkthisviolet

[ingravinoveritas]

Hey, it’s me again.. I took a little time off to elaborate all of this, I went through various stages of disappointment, sadness and anger, but now I’m feeling better (even though it left a bitter taste in my mouth).

I did read all of the comments and reblogs to your posts, they made me cry (in a good way!) and I started to feel less alone indeed, a heartfelt thanks goes to them, definitely ❤️ this is what a fandom should be, whether it is Good Omens’ fandom or Neil Gaiman’s fandom (well I hardly see myself becoming part of his fandom now, even though I like some of his works, i.e. The Sandman).

The fact that he’s a writer is the reason why I weighed his words so much, otherwise I would have thought “okay maybe it was a poor choice of words and didn’t mean that”.. He knows exactly what he did instead, he used his skill with words against someone who barely speaks his language. This was unfair and unnecessary on so many levels imo.

About my ask, in my mind this was a point of view that maybe could’ve been useful for him to consider. I asked that in his interest, I mean, at the end of the day it’s his series, not mine. He didn’t even try to understand, instead. The point he’s missing with Staged is that Staged is not any series, it’s a series where the main characters (the two couples, but there’s also Ty in the third season) are supposed to be the actors’ real personalities and relationships (“supposed to”: I know they’re still fictional), so seeing all of them together in a scene of any series (not only Good Omens) would feel like breaking the fourth wall to me. I know it’s not something that everybody would experience, but definitely some people would. The nepotism thing is kind of connected to this, but mostly I’m really concerned about David Tennant being accused of that (the first “joke” was already there at Basingstoke). I mean, if Georgia had accepted the role and Olive had passed the audition, there would have been four members of his family involved (I know Peter Davison is an accomplished actor, but he’s also part of the Tennants family portrait, especially talking about Doctor Who), they’re just two for now, but the fact that Neil said that in a hypothetical season three, he would like to offer Georgia and Anna a part… The risk was there again. Maybe he thought that it would please the fans who always idolise them no matter what; this part of fans is really loud, but that doesn’t mean that they’re the actual majority. Also, this doesn’t mean that I hate them either, I would never do something like this out of hate, I’m not so miserable.

In summary, I just wanted him to read and consider that, I wasn’t really interested in an answer, tbh. It’s not like I was expecting something like “yeah, this is nepotism on my part! Thanks for asking xx” (though… That would’ve been a funnier response). As I said previously, this might have been an impulsive decision, and even a naïve one.

(1/2)

Hello, Anon. I'm back from my work trip and finally not entirely exhausted, so now I can answer your Ask and all of the other Anons still waiting in my inbox.

I'm glad to hear from you again, and that you are feeling better. I very much relate to what you said about having a tendency to blame yourself for everything, because I do the exact same thing. But there is a difference between blame and responsibility, and while you are responsible for choosing to ask Neil that question, you are not to blame for how he chose to respond to it.

You mentioned not being sure what to do now, and thinking about sending him Crowley's line about asking questions (which is also something that I thought of when this whole thing happened). My personal suggestion would be not to message him at all, as there really isn't anything else that can be said and I think it would probably just give you more anxiety worrying about if/how he'd respond again.

The thing to keep in mind is that Neil is who he is. Being a writer does not automatically make someone better or smarter than anyone else--Ernest Hemingway was an abuser and a drunk; Hunter S. Thompson was, well..."LSD-soaked madman" is putting it generously; F. Scott Fitzgerald's relationship with Zelda made Kanye and Kim K. look Amish, and the list goes on--but what I think has happened with Neil is that there is such a hype around who fans perceive him to be...the "image" of Neil Gaiman as opposed to the actual human Neil Gaiman. What we have now had a glimpse of is the actual human, and that for as calm and cool as Neil always seems to come across, there are clearly things that can still ruffle his metaphorical feathers.

I don't know if you've visited Neil's blog again, by the way, but just a few days ago, he responded to this Ask which I and everyone else who read it would most definitely categorize as "creepy"...and yet he answered it and did not call that person out the way he did with you. What that tells me is that what happened with you was not because of anything you did, but because Neil read it the way he did. And there could be so many other factors at play as well--the fact that he is in the middle of a divorce, the effects of the Writers' Strike and what that will potentially mean for GO 2--that ultimately contributed to his mindset while answering.

The other thing I will say is that I've already seen part of your concerns come to life, as following the release of the GO 2 opening credits, some fans were insisting that the order of David and Michael's names in the sequence and David's name supposedly appearing first (as opposed to Michael's in the S1 credits) was a reference to Staged:

In actuality, both David and Michael's names appear at the same time (but Michael's is less visible due to being in the sky). Neil even seemed to confirm this when someone recently asked about it. Not only that, he did not mention anything about Staged at all, which in all likelihood means it was probably not a specific reference. But seeing fans rush to this conclusion seemingly validates what we've been saying all along, and when I saw it, I immediately felt annoyed. For me, Good Omens and Staged are two very different things, as well as entirely separate things, and I categorically do not like the feeling of looking at anything related to GO and thinking of Staged. Only my opinion, of course, but there it is.

Finally, regarding the nepotism situation, one thing I've also noticed is people saying that this is somehow brand new, or that no one cared before GO 2. As I've mentioned previously, I became a fan of Michael's and "got into" him before I did David, so I will fully admit to being less knowledgeable around the nepotism issues there (Ty in ATWI80D, Georgia getting a part in DW because of Peter, then producing YM&H). But I can say with absolute certainty that concerns of nepotism with Anna were being voiced years ago, as far back as the first season of Staged and then right through to her being in Last Train to Christmas in 2021. So this is not remotely anything new, nor related only to GO, but to every role AL has had (Staged, LTTC, and Sandman), all of which she has gotten because of Michael.

I would also encourage people to read this post from last year on @invisibleicewands' blog for some very insightful tea about nepotism. One commenter is a former actor and shared some extremely interesting information in the notes in particular, of which I'd like to share a few:

I'm very willing to bet that all of the above--especially the part about casting directors and casting practices--are things Neil already knows, and are at least part of what caused his disproportionate response to your question. Because if this is something well-known and common to the industry, you are very likely not at all the first person who has brought this up to him, as well as the fact that four members of the same family (David, Ty, Peter, Georgia) nearly ended up in the same season of one show (GO season 2).

Could Neil have had enough and just snapped? Sure. We all have our limits, our quota of what we can handle at any given time, in any given day. And he would have absolutely been well within his rights to ignore your question entirely. That he read it as being "not in good faith" tells me this is a subject that's come up before, and has led to him being on the defensive. Which, again...also understandable. But the fact that Neil--who is a writer, who has spent an untold amount of his life writing about all sorts of things in painstakingly detail-- couldn't parse a fan asking a genuine question or distinguish it from an attack is not okay, and neither was his choice to respond so condescendingly and set you up as a target for the larger fandom.

But you already know all this, Anon, so let me stop before I repeat myself too much. I am just glad that you decided to write to me again, and that you took such comfort from both my words and the folks who commented on my post. I am sorry that the whole thing has left such a bitter taste in your mouth (though understandably so), but with all the wonderful new things we've gotten in the last few days (opening credits, the new poster), that thankfully gives us happy things to focus on instead.

Sending you lots of love again and the hope that you will continue to feel better and not let this take away your excitement for GO 2 entirely. Thanks for writing in! x

[ryutarotakedown]

magnus archives! for the ask game

[ask game link] YAYYYYYYYYY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK this got horrifically long so under the cut!

Favorite character: i’d love to say basira but it’s probably melanie. or martin. oh little moth…

Least Favorite character: uhhhh i love all the characters as *characters* but i love to hate elias of course. what a fucking creep they did such a wonderful job with him. 106 and 117 live in my brain constantly & forever

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): FIVE? THERE AREN’T ENOUGH IN HERE FOR FIVE but it’d be what the girlfriends, jonmartin, daisira, basira/melanie, and. hm. hmmm. gertrudeagnes

— oh crap wait i keep forgetting platonic relationships are ships too, okay okay add jon & basira and jon & melanie and jon & georgie in there. not in any particular order but still

Character I find most attractive: im not even attracted to women but. daisy. i didn’t understand the fan reaction until i listened to her voice for the first time (i consumed this podcast almost entirely through transcripts) and went Oh I Get It Now

Character I would marry: georgie easily

Character I would be best friends with: jon or melanie because i love befriending haters you are all so fun

A random thought: i miss them so much. i kept expecting the transcripts to switch to “archive” for jon at some point but they never did which is probably for the best for accessibility reasons but can you imagine. i miss them so much. basira is funnier than people give her credit for. georgie is less funny than people give her credit for and i appreciate her so much for it (don’t be a Stranger!). i miss them so much

An unpopular opinion: hey did you know basira hussain is in the third most episodes total and actually has the second most scenes with jon (she had The Most, period, before martin dethroned her in s5)? did you know? anyway she should be in more stuff and i love her deeply. i also don’t think she actually had double standards for jon versus daisy per se, i think her problem was thinking that guilty people deserve punishment and therefore that daisy’s victims (criminals) were fine while jon’s victims (random people off the street) were not

— this is also why she stops daisy from killing jon in 091, because she’d met him before, he was a human being who cracked jokes, he *couldn’t* be guilty; rather than because killing people is bad

— i also think she knew deep down she was wrong for this considering how she says in the unknowing: i don’t want to hurt you. i don’t want to hurt anyone. and then in s5: of course i care! …that’s the problem

— she had to force down her compassion in order to function well as a police officer and forced herself to believe that it was the right thing to arrest people who did bad things

— reader she was incorrect

— have i mentioned i love her

My canon OTP: jonmartin and what the girlfriends

Non-canon OTP: you cannot tell me basira and melanie didn’t have something going on while jon was in his coma you simply can’t

— melanie was strong and violent and necessary and basira needed someone strong to rely on after daisy even though she could see how miserable melanie was. basira stuffed down all her emotions and became a stone figure and melanie feeling herself being overtaken by rage both aspired to that and hated her for it. they are anchors for each other but false because their usual anchors (daisy, georgie) aren’t here or wouldn’t get it. do you understand.

Most badass character: the admiral

Pairing I am not a fan of: sorry to jon.elias fans i do understand that exploring the Power Dynamics could be fun but i genuinely cannot see any romance in there whatsoever. can’t jon just hate a man in peace

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): hmmmmmmm. not anyone in particular? i think basira’s s5 arc was kind of rushed but i’m not super mad about it. also obviously the racist stereotypes in there (the haans. i mean the haans) but in terms of main cast i can’t think of anyone

Favourite friendship: tim & sasha because i haven’t mentioned them anywhere in this ask and that is a travesty. they’re fun i hope they are kayaking happily together somewhere

[villain-in-love]

@canarycurse Oh boy, now that you mentioned your other s/is, I'm curious about Azalea and Madeline and their relationship with their respective f/os. And maybe some more information about Kojiro and Tauro themselves since, unlike with Musashi, I don't know much about them.

Anyways, in return to Zeroes' statement about their Halloween "costumes", Nico would obviously be the one to bring up Addams family and others would have to censure him because of the copyright again.

Your Zero suddenly stopping answering Kiji's questions during the school event and everyone realizing that where she was sitting just now is already an empty space sounds very much like a canonical joke for Nanbaka. And it sure is unfortunate that she can’t dress up like everyone else, since it’s one of the rare instances in canon where characters had a chance to wear something different from their usual outfits. I’m still curious what you Zero would have worn if she could change clothes, though.

Finding other "emotion ghosts" of the same person is a sensible suggestion, especially if your Zero wants to get more knowledge about her existence, but I don’t think tracking them down would be an easy task. Obviously, she would need to find the original source first and question her, and then she would have to take on a role of a detective and go investigating all the places where others first appeared... Or maybe you already have better ideas on how to find them?

I think your idea of your Zero’s introduction to the plot is a solid one (ha), she would do well getting established as a reoccurring character from the start and something of a local myth that is very much the truth. And with her knowing other characters that would make appearances later, she could easily drop some “easter eggs” here and there.

By the way, since he’s also one of the main characters, what does Hajime thinks about your Zero and her hanging out around his building?

Okay, giving my answers to your questions (which include some of my own questions):

About Trois, Honey, and their favourite underwear question:

For a few seconds Zero looked genuinely thoughtful. The next thing she said was: “You know, in a neighbourhood I was taught that I can and should beat people up for questions like these…” After hearing this, all characters who were near rushed in to save Trois and Honey, asking if they have a death wish.

Obviously, Zero couldn’t be actually bothered by questions like these, she was just wondering about the implications and what it says about Honey’s and Trois’s personalities. Though she still considered the option of beating them up for fun and then using their question as a justification. Really, she’s always just waiting for a good excuse to get violent.

About extra chapters with school event:

Zero does have some academic knowledge and there are subjects she’s genuinely good at – literature, biology, math, psychology, even history, when it comes to the culture and not political dates and events. But it would be objectively funnier to see her answer questions she’s not qualified to answer.

There’s an idea of her giving ridiculous answers when talking about geography. Because she wasn’t planning on travelling abroad any time soon (well, she kinda did anyway, but getting transported to jail doesn’t count), she didn’t bother to learn much about geography and only has some vague understanding based on someone’s personal stories or mentions from books. And once again, outdated information. “Ah yes, the Ottoman Empire, I remember it was there.” “And this must be Речь Посполитая – my old friend used to live there…” “Wait, Singapore is actually a country and not a city? It's so tiny, why is this a country and not a city?”

OR she might give disturbingly accurate answers in anatomy. I imagine, when asked about how organs work as a system, she will give a very detailed answer, even starting to draw a scheme on a blackboard. Then she realizes that she’s bad at drawing, so she will drag someone (for some reason I imagine it either being Honey or Nico) from their desk and in front of the “class”, swiftly ripping the shirt off them and putting a claw to their abdomen, being like: “It can get a little bloody and I can only show this once, so look carefully.” At this point she would have to get dragged away by guards who are responsible for her.

I also jumped on the opportunity to give her some new outfits, because I love giving my OCs extensive wardrobes:

She could have rocked that black-and-red sailor uniform look. Might even paint the tips of her claws red.

Or she could have gone another route and dressed up in classic "white top, black bottoms" look. Thought if she was to wear a short skirt Kiji would have to remind her to sit "properly" every so often.

"I know you said it doesn’t really fill her up but does she have a favourite human food?"

Here's the biggest difference between me and Zero: she’s not a picky eater. So even if she does have some preferences, she can eat almost anything, and I mean it. Anything.

But I guess her favourite food is pancakes with meat – as in regular thin pancakes with meat wrapped into it. Her Grandma used to make pancakes with human meat, so those were obviously the best, but animal meat is fine too. (In reality I hate pancakes that aren't sweet, but I figured that Zero would like it)

Zero also likes aforementioned sushi rolls and always throws absolutely ungodly amounts of wasabi into the soy sauce. She’s quite fond of desserts as well, for example, some belgian waffles with ice cream and several other toppings sound good.

I must note that Zero generally prefers bigger and heartier dishes – I mean, she's capable of consuming several adult human bodies in one sitting, so if it’s some light snack she might not even notice eating it.

As a bonus: Her favourite human body parts to eat are hearts and the meat from the thighs, and the spinal column is the best to crunch on. Her least favourite part is intestine – she can eat a human whole, but she often leaves those untouched, which used to really confuse police at some point.

"Could I ask her impressions of any other members of the cast?"

When it comes to other Nanbaka characters who aren’t Jyugo or Liang, Zero doesn’t hold any particularly strong opinions. She’s fine with almost everyone, as long as they provide a good show for her. But I can comment on several character specifically:

Uno – she quickly identified him as the brain, the leader, and the mom of the group. He obviously cares about Jyugo a lot, and for that she’s somewhat thankful to him. She finds his obsession with being the prettiest and most popular with girls laughable, but overall he left a good impression. (Uno himself is still trying to recover from the sight of Zero eating the guards)

Much to Liang’s and Upa’s confusion, Zero genuinely likes and admires Qi. She sees him as an intelligent and sensible person with whom they can easily understand each other, and while she finds the situation of Liang and Upa constantly berating and blaming him for everything wrong with the world funny in its ridiculousness, she majorly disagrees with their opinion. Qi is also the reason she finally took interest and started learning chemistry.

I think that Zero is likely to get along well with Man with the Scar aka Mashiro in the future and get invested in experiments his organisation conducts. She also would be highly impressed by the schemes his team pulled, like the way they sabotaged Enki or set up other people to confront Jyugo and Zakuro to make the two stronger (while putting Elf inside them as a the kind of "safety catch" to ensure that they use their powers when needed and don't die)

Out of the staff she likes Mitsuru the most – he’s chill and easy-going, brings lively and chaotic atmosphere everywhere he goes, and while it could have been easy to view him as another moron, she gets an impression that despite his eccentric behaviour, this guy always knows exactly what he’s doing. So I think they would be on pretty good terms.

Zero doesn't have anything against Kiji, but as someone who does (surprisingly) take interest and is somewhat knowledgeable about fashion herself, she doesn't quite understand Kiji's decisions when it comes to the colour scheme of his outfits. (And makeup. And hair.)

Hajime reminds Zero a bit of russian gopniks, which is funny. While Hajime dislikes Zero for several reasons, she herself couldn’t care less about it – she’s fond of him simply because he’s very fun to observe, especially when Cell 13 is involved.

Yamato and Seitaro are labelled as "Idiot No.1" and "Idiot No.2" in her mind. Not that she actually dislikes them, but they make her question the quality of the guard selection for this prison.

It’s incredibly rare for Zero to actively dislike someone, but she would have preferred to stay away from Ahato. She happened to visit Building 3 once, for educational purposes, and she does not want to deal with cosmetics and restrictive clothes again – it’s impractical and you can’t possibly expect her to care about not ruining her makeup or be careful to not tear clothes. He almost makes her regret agreeing to never use any force against staff members again. (And she's not pleased with Kiji for supporting all of this.)

When it comes to other people who didn't leave the best of impressions, she would have loved to pick apart Honey’s brain. It’s one of the rare instances when someone’s peculiar temper doesn’t entertain her, but instead makes her question “what is his problem”. She would also prefer if he dropped the act of being a gentleman, she can already smell acting from miles away. Though she is curious about those threads/strings of his, it’s mechanics and techniques of using them. Well, there's at least one thing Honey is good for, and it's making Liang lose his temper – Zero finds their squabbles to be awfully fun to watch.

She’s not impressed with Shin at all and she found it amusing to spoil his mood whenever she had to deal with him.

Also Zero and Dread tried to kill each other several times. Dread is highly irritated by Zero as a person, while Zero considers her to be a nuisance and can't for the life of her understand Dread's devotion to Shin.

[fandomchill]

Oh oh! I know this.

So meme has a meaning that is more of an official meaning in my field.

Meme: an element of a culture or system of behavior passed from one individual to another by imitation or other nongenetic means.

So the original “if I had a nickel” saying was a meme from a while ago that basically was a humorous way of saying “if I got paid to deal with this crap I’d have so much money.” And it was passed down by people hearing it and contextually understanding the meaning.

Now, memes can go through a sort of evolution as they are used. Eggcorns for instance come from common phrases being misheard but effectively holding the same meaning when the change (fascinating subject but I want to keep this short)

Mondegreens though are its opposite, the misinterpretation and use of a whole or part of a saying to mean something different. For instance “Jack of all trades master of none.” is only half the saying and makes it derogatory. The other half is “but still better than a master of one.” Which makes being a Jack of all trades a good thing. But through a memetic evolution the meaning has shifted towards the former meaning.

Now returning to “if I had a nickel….” We are experiencing a mondegreen effect. The meaning of “I’m so done with this repetitive cycle nonsense” has shifted to “I’m confused this exact same thing happened at least twice?” The original use of Dr. doofen’s phrase was a joke but now it’s basically overtaken the original meaning.

But you say how did it propagate so quickly? Well probably 3 reasons:

1) it’s a meme and funny and our brain tends to cling to the funnier version of something. Because we can hear the funny accent and connect it short cut style to the world around us the phrase has staying power, more so than the more “traditional” exasperated version (which itself was funny at the time but has lost its punch through over use)

2) it found its way into popular culture through a younger generation, one that might’ve never heard the original phrase. So it is possible for it to not have to fight for the brain space with the original version. This makes it easier for it to stick around.

3) finally : the internet is incredibly fertile ground for these type of things. Because memes propagate through contextual learning of the phrase , and the internet is basically a giant series of contextual information exchange in the social media world. Places like tumblr, Twitter facebook and tiktok blast memes to millions of people constantly , and even if you don’t seek out P+F memes you will see it, because it’s a popular kids cartoon.

So…. That’s why I figure it has blown up like this and become short hand for “this weird right guys?”

Thank you for coming to my ted talk I guess?

It's still kinda wild how Phineas and Ferb managed to completely hijack an idiom. Now whenever someone hears a sentence leading with "If I had a nickel for everytime [...]", odds are their brain auto fills with "I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice," rather than "I'd be rich," or "I could [action that requires purchasing something requiring an obscene amount of money]". Y'know, what the idiom originally was

[therealvinelle]

Ok I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I'm just now copying your Norwegian Bella AU into a text translator, and if you don't already have 50 people in your inbox demanding a translation then shame on ALL OF US because this is glorious! And while Google Translate does have a certain charm (it translated "piper hun ut" as "she beeps") I'm curious to see how you'd put it in English.

Troquantary is referring to this post. In which Bella doesn't speak English.

Fun fact, you're the only one who's gone into my inbox to request this. I was so sad, had the translation half-written and everything, but I was too proud to beg. So thank you, Troquantary, for popping this ask.

As for the dictionary fuckups, sounds about right. I made a few typos, too, that made Google Translate suffer even more. (Such as managing to mix up "henne" (her) and "hendene" (hands), resulting in Aro patting Bella instead of clapping his hands. Poor Google.)

Also, there are a few cultural references and language things that would be lost in the translation, in an attempt to keep them I included notes clarifying things.

Some things, like Aro and Carlisle's very old man way of speaking, are easier said than done to translate, you'll have to bear with me there.

Additional notes are that I added a few things to this version, many of them because translating is hard, but a few because while translating I thought "oh you know what would be much funnier-" and then wrote that.

Alright, without further ado:

When Renée left Charlie she did not go to Florida, she went to Oslo. And she went all in to make her daughter a true Norwegian, hiring Norwegian nannies and making sure never to speak English around the child. Since transatlantic flights are expensive, little Bella Swan rarely got to visit her father, and as such she never did learn what should have been her native language.

She quickly forgot what English she did have in favor of Norwegian, with the exception of words like “Yes”, “No”, and “I’m Bella”.

The few trips she took to visit her father were all the more awkward than in canon since she couldn’t play with the Black kids. Let not the blame fall upon Charlie: he took Norwegian classes and speaks conversational Norwegian. He can’t speak to Renée, because her Norwenglish is incomprehensible even to Norwegians, but he can communicate with Bella.

Not that he’s had a lot of chances to do so.

Bella makes it to seventeen years old, she’s in second grade at Handels* and is a major outsider among the preps there, and then Renée marries a handsome skier**. Together they shall travel the continent all winter to participate in as many skiing races as they can, and in the summer they’ll take gigs at Hurtigruta to see the coast.

*“Handels” is the nickname for an Oslo high school infamous for its pupils being rich and beautiful blonds who are going to be CEOs when they grow up.

**Skiing as a sport is huge in Norway

***Hurtigruta is a famous ferry that travels across the Norwegian West coast

Bella, who sucks at skiing and is too young to work at Hurtigruten, takes the hint.

With dread in her stomach and dictionary in hand she goes to her father in America.

Where she doesn’t speak the language.

Faen.

Charlie gives her a car, and I wish this meta was set in the present because I could have joked about electric cars and the automat only driver’s license*, but Twilight is set in 2005 so I can’t. The car part proceeds without drama.

*An increasing number of Norwegian youth take the driver’s license for automatic cars only, and we’re the country in the world with the highest percentage of electric car purchases.

School is worse than in canon, because she is now a thousand times more sensational than if she was merely the new student. She is from another country! All of Forks keels over with excitement.

To make matters even worse, our girl doesn’t understand a word of what people are saying.

She is too awkward to let them know she doesn’t know English. It’d become a thing, and they might think she’s dumb. To be fair, it’s not good that she’s been through primary, secondary, and now a year and a half of high school and still sucks at English.

So she nods, smiles, mumbles “Hi, I’m Bella” to the new faces, and blushes heavily when anybody says anything.

People assume she’s shy. That’s a bit boring, but oh well.

She has her biology class with the redhead hottie she noticed during lunch. She watched him and his family, they were fascinatingly pretty, but she doesn’t know anything more about them. Sure would have been great if she could have asked the tiny girl (was it Jess?) about them.

Biology proceeds as in canon - Edward badly wants to eat the delicious girl, but fortunately doesn’t.

She runs into him in the office when he tries to switch to another biology lesson, but she has no idea what he’s saying so she only has the suspicion that this somehow concerns her. Which is still uncomfortable, but Bella is probably the problem here. The hottie surely can’t be.

He’s missing from school for a week, Bella finds that weird.

He returns, and to her great horror he starts talking to her.

“Hello”, he says.

Bella dies inside. He’s too handsome!

"I'm Edward Cullen," he continues, and ok, she got that. The hottie is called Edward, that’s good to know. She’s not sure she caught that last name, though, Köln?

He says something else, it’s gibberish to Bella even though she’s concentrating, and at the end there he says “Bella Swan”.

She gulps.

"I'm Bella Swan," she confirms and nods. That should be correct. God, she hopes it’s correct.

He smiles a crooked, boyish smile. She’s awed. She didn’t think it was possible to be so beautiful.

He says something else.

Bella didn’t catch it.

She blushes even harder, she hasn’t been more embarrassed in her life. Here he is, the most handsome guy in all the world, and she has nothing to say to him. Literally, they don’t speak the same language.

She should tell him.

It’s one thing to chicken out of telling the town she doesn’t speak English, but there’s something different about Edward Cullen. He deserves the truth.

But...

He’s the most beautiful person she has seen in her life. He is American, too, so the odds of him knowing Norwegian are microscopical. If he finds out she doesn’t understand a word he says he’ll stop talking to her, and selfish as she is she doesn’t want that.

So with a slightly guilty conscience (but not enough to fess up) she contributes to the conversation with enough words and smiles to pull through. "Yes", "No", "Thank you", and "That's nice".

He is surprised by several of these answers, but instead of giving her odd looks and losing interest he grows more invested in the conversation.

Class ends.

The next day the near accident happens, and he saves her. She is stunned - dear god, did he just pick up a whole car? After teleporting across the parking lot..?

Soon she’s in the ER, and more than a little bit stressed about that fact since she knows the Americans have a terrible healthcare system.

She hopes Charlie has an insurance.

An insanely beautiful man walks into the ER, and Bella is shocked. He is just as handsome as Edward and Edward’s lunch friends!

He introduces himself as Carlisle Cullen, and Bella can only assume this is someone’s older brother. Possibly related to the blonde girl.

He smiles at her, says something, and she answers, "I'm Bella Swan."

He frowns.

That must have been the wrong answer, then.

His hands return to investigating her scalp, and to her great surprise he switches to perfect Norwegian, "kjenner De* noe ubehag når jeg holder her?" Do you feel any discomfort when I touch here?

*De is the Norwegian polite pronoun for “you”. Du = thou = the French tu, and De = you = the French vous. These polite pronouns went out of use in the 1980’s, save for when addressing royal persons, and would be considered antiquated in 2005.

He hurries to add, "Norsk lærte jeg i... fjor sommer. Det var et nettkurs." I learned Norwegian… last year. Online class.

"Hvilket da?" Which one? Bella asks, because Charlie needs to hear about this. The doctor has beautiful, if slightly outdated, pronunciation.

The doctor’s smile turns uncertain. She gets the feeling there’s something he doesn’t want to say. "Husker ikke," I don’t remember, sier han etter en litt vel lang pause.

That’s a shame. And weird.

"De hadde hellet med Dem i dag, som ikke ble truffet av den bilen." You were lucky today, not getting hit by that car. he then says, noticeably changing the subject.

"Det var ikke hell, det var Edward," It wasn’t luck, it was Edward, she replies sharply.

The doctor definitely looks uncomfortable.

She continues, "Han krysset skolegården på et blunk, og plukket opp hele bilen. Jeg så det," He crossed the schoolyard in a moment, and picked up the whole car. I saw it,

The doctor laughs. "Om han kunne det hadde nok gymkarakteren hans vært meget bedre. Nei, frøken Swan*, jeg beklager å si at det høres ut som at De er litt omtåket. Det er helt normalt ved hjernerystelse." If he could do that, his PE grade would be a lot better. No, Miss Swan, I’m sorry to say you seem confused. That’s normal with concussions.

*Addressing a young woman as “frøken” is even more outdated than using polite pronouns.

Why does Bella get the feeling he’s lying?

She’s discharged.

We’ll jump ahead to her trip to La Push - that trip uneventful, since Jacob knows she doesn’t speak English. They stick their hands in their pockets and stare at the sea.

The next day she’s shanghaied to Port Angeles, because apparently she said “Yes” at the wrong time when talking to Jessica (Turns out Jess’s name was Jessica!) and accidentally said yes to a day trip to Port Angeles.

Like in canon she wanders away from the others, and as in canon she is nearly gang raped. And again as in canon she is saved at the last moment by Edward.

He buys her dinner, and she can’t believe her own luck- and misfortune. A date with the most handsome guy on the planet (hence the luck) and she can’t say a word to him (hence the misfortune)!

He says things to her, lends her his jacket, and really this is it for Bella, she’s peaked, life can’t get better than this.

(That’s a lie, it would be better if she spoke English.)

He’s so amazing.

She’s gotten pretty good at navigating conversations with him, so she nods and aha’s her way through.

In his car on the way home the tone takes a more serious turn.

He asks her about something, and it’s a serious question, that much she’s gathered. She answers in the confirmative.

He is silent.

Did she say anything wrong?

(Edward, on his end, just asked if she knows what he is. She said yes, so calmly, not even a trace of fear in her.)

A few days later he takes her out on a walk in the woods.

He shows her a meadow in the woods, and when he steps into it he lights up in the sunlight.

Bella is in shock.

She knew there was something different about him, but- holy cow. This guy isn’t human.

Is she dating a god?

She stumbles into the clearing after him, and they spend a day together where he says things, and she can barely hear any of it (nevermind understand it) because she’s so distracted by how pretty he is.

The next day he takes her to a house in the middle of nowhere. She doesn’t want to guess that this can be where he lives. Surely gods don’t live in houses?

He shows her inside the house, and introduces her for Dr. Cullen and a lady with a name she doesn’t catch.

Bit weird that these two are acting like a couple of parents, they’re far too young and divine for that.

Edward shows her around in an old-fashioned office, and she doesn’t know what to make of i when she sees a painting of Carlisle. Edward launches into a long story when he sees her watching it, unfortunately she doesn’t catch any dates or artist names. At one point she heard the word “suicide”, though, and that’s not good.

She doesn’t get much out of the story.

The baseball game doesn’t happen because Bella didn’t pick up on what Edward wanted and didn’t realize she was being invited to a thing. They spend the afternoon watching a movie instead.

The relationship continues, impeded slightly by communication problems, but she’s mostly able to cover those up.

Until her birthday comes around.

She gets a papercut.

Jasper lunges at her. Edward throws her into a glass table, and then everyone is leaving.

Carlisle is kind enough to switch to Norwegian when he’s stitching up her arm, perhaps remembering the last time she was his patient. "Jasper har ikke vært på dietten vår så veldig lenge." Jasper hasn’t been on our diet for very long.

"Diett?"she asks. She’s never seen Edward eat anything. She wasn’t clear on what the Cullens ate, honestly she thought they were above such things. She was thinking maybe photosynthesis. The knowledge that they apparently eat food astounds her, but diets?

"Dyreblod istedenfor menneskeblod," Animal blood in stead of human blood, Carlisle clarifies.

Whachasay?

Carlisle gives a slight smile. “Jaspers liv som vampyr fikk en brutal start." Jasper’s life as a vampire got off to a brutal start.

...

Vampire?!

Bella’s missed something here.

Oh dear lord, oh fy faen, she has missed something.

“Åja”, uh huh, is all she can say, and suddenly she’s very aware of the fact that she’s sitting there with a bleeding arm.

And Carlisle.

Who is a vampire.

Over the course of the following conversation Bella makes a host of discoveries.

Edward has been a vampire this whole time, and he’s a telepathic vampire. Whether Bella should be a vampire too or not has been a matter of hot debate, but due to religious reasons Edward doesn’t want that.

Carlisle also brings up how Edward died of the Spanish flu.

"Jeg var under den oppfatning at Edward fortalte deg bakhistorien min?" I was under the impression Edward told you my back story? Carlisle asks at one point, and Bella just has to ask very nicely if he’d be so kind as to repeat it.

Turns out the guy is nearly four hundred years old.

Jaha.

Jahahaha jaa ha.

That’s… a lot.

She wanders out of the house in shock, and hardly notices Edward’s strange behavior over the next couple of days.

One day he picks her up at school, and takes her behind the house.

That works out.

He’s a vampire, but he never hurt her. He is endlessly beautiful, perhaps easier to love now that she knows he’s not a god. He’s her Edward, and that’s suddenly easier now that she knows.

They can still be together.

But now that she knows this about him, it’s about time he knows something about her as well.

It’s time to finally be honest with him.

So when he opens his mouth, she opens her mouth as well, but she doesn’t get any further than to “Edward-” before he launches into a monologue.

She’ll have to wait until he’s done before saying her piece. It’s a bit embarrassing, but it doesn’t seem like he intends to stop talking anyway.

And what he’s saying seems to be serious, so it’s probably best to let him finish.

Edward concludes his monologue by kissing her forehead. Then he disappears.

Where did he go?

A big unsure, Bella goes back to the house. She’ll just have to wait until he gets back.

She doesn’t know what to think when Charlie returns from work and tells her the Cullens have all left.

Oh, god.

Edward must have found out she doesn’t speak English.

She made a mockery of him.

He has every right to leave.

Knowing this doesn’t make it any easier to live with.

Bella sinks into a depression.

The hallucinations begin, as in canon, though Hallusinward speaks Norwegian. Thank god for small mercies.

The friendship with Jacob (dictionary in hand) blooms, as someone has to help her see those hallucinations.

The cliff diving happens, and Alice shows up. Bella’s not sure what this is about, but she has gotten good enough at English to know that something bad happened, and Alice wants them to do something.

She’s a bit surprised to find herself on a plane to Italy, though.

Alice tells her to “Run to Edward” and ok, she got that, actually.

So she saves Edward.

After that she’s taken into the sewer, which turns out to house dozens of vampires.

Bella, Edward, and Alice are received in some kind of hall, where an unusual vampire has quite a bit to say. She understands some of what he’s saying, at least the part about “la tua cantante”. She knows a bit about Italian, see, so she knows that he’s talking about a song now.

She wishes she knew the context.

At one point he takes her hand, and appears fascinated by it. She wonders if he’s a palmreader. Not very vampirey, but what does she know.

He asks her a question.

"Yes," she says.

Saying yes has gotten her this far, after all.

But when he lights up and claps his hands together, and Edward and Alice stare at her in shock and betrayal, she knows she must have said the wrong thing.

The two are dismissed from the room before Bella can do or say anything, she’s just listening to Edward make a racket outside in the hallway.

Not good.

The unusual vampire brings her further down in his sewer palace to a basement, and she is given comfortable clothes to wear.

This is getting terrifying.

The vampire leans towards her - and she chickens out.

"Jeg snakker ikke engelsk!" she squeaks. "Non habla ingles!" I don’t speak English.

Han stanser, og ser forvirret ut. "Que- Hva behager*?" I beg your pardon? spør han etter et øyeblikk.

*A very formal, and slightly outdated (you can use it, but people will think you’re putting on airs. And they will be right) way of saying “excuse me?”

Sobbing, Bella tells him the whole story, from how she didn’t want to be the weird kid in school to how she’s now somehow in Italy without knowing why nor what she just agreed to.

When she’s done the vampire starts laughing.

"Dette forklarer jo en hel del," This explains quite a bit, ler han. "Men, kjære Bella, jeg er redd det ikke endrer noe." But, my dear Bella, I’m afraid it changes nothing.

He tells her that she has agreed to serve him and his army of undead warriors into eternity.

Well fuck.

"Du skal få slippe det, når du ikke visste hva du samtykket til - men skjebnen din forblir den samme. Loven er loven." You’re released from that promise, as you didn’t know what you agreed to - but your fate remains the same. The law is the law.

After a moment of silence, during which she looks terrified, he hurries to add, "Vi har en lov. Du må bli en av oss." We have a law. You must become one of us.

A law that Bella Swan has to become a vampire?

People are finally speaking Norwegian, and Bella is still lost. And it’s too embarrassing to keep pestering this poor, polite man with questions.

So she nods.

He gives her a glittering smile, and bites her.

When she wakes, Aro offers her an English course. A language course that, naturally, leads to her staying in Volterra. Why not learn a few more languages while we’re at it, dearest Bella?

Some time later Edward breaks into Volterra to save his Rapunzel, only to barely recognize her now that she’s a vampire who says things. Lots of things, she talks all the time now. WHAT DID ARO DO TO HER.

Too mortified to admit that she never spoke English, Bella claims she’s been brainwashed.

Aro is having too much fun to correct her, and the whole sad affair sets off a regrettable flood of rumors.

[postingjustwhatever]

Well here’s how it’s going so far. I am so technologically inept it’s a miracle I got this to work at all. Context to how this started.

It’s being reviewed and waiting approval on the site. Hopefully they approve it.

This is just a work in progress version for now. I haven’t made the clothes yet. I’ll make another version when I have everything finished.

I was just clicking the randomized button on this so that’s why it kept looking so goofy. It seems to really like the bald option.

I left it so you will be able to choose ears, nose, and freckles that don’t match the same skin tone because it allows for some funnier options.

Here’s some ones I made after playing around with it for a few minutes. I’m really wondering if I should link the skin tones together because every time I want to change the skin I have to go and change everything to match it too.

But at the same time leaving them separate gives so many more combination options and also gives some fun and interesting results. So idk 🤷‍♀️

Hopefully the website approves it. This has been a pain so far to make but I absolutely love how it’s turning out. I had to learn to use photopea, and I kept switching between gimp, sai, and photopia while making this. I mostly use sai and had to put it into photopia to save it properly.

There are definitely a lot of problems I need to fix, and I wish I would have done some things differently. I wish I would have done the ears separately in different folders, so one could go in front of the hair and one behind. I just didn’t know what I was doing at first. I’ve never tried to make any like this but I’ve got the hang of it better now so hopefully I can make it faster now. I made all the assets the first day and had to spend the next two aligning them, putting them in folders, and naming them lol. I didn’t do that while I was making them because I wasn’t sure what I was doing at first.

Now that I better understand how it works I want to add a lot more to it. There’s just a lot of possibilities with this and I think it’ll be a lot of fun in the end.

This was way too much work for what was just supposed to be a morbid joke though 🤣🤣🤣

[tuttifuckinfruttifriday]

All slashers with a S/O who counts on their fingers:

For @iloveslasher ;) since asked! idk when I’ll open my requests (inbox)

Warnings: teasing, some cuteness, lots of confusion, referring to Pennywise as “they”, ooc Doom Head

I’ll probably forget some since I’ve got lots on my list :,)

It’s the longest thing I’ve ever written!

I’m SO, SO sorry it took me so long D:

Sorry if I made some mistakes or missed some things!

Michael Myers

He probably doesn’t even see it at first, not until he sees you at the table with a sheet full of your month expenses and your fingers moving up and down while you look down at the scribbled numbers.

If he cares, he sure doesn’t show it. He’ll just look at you from the doorway and maybe tilt his head before walking away. If you do that again though, he’ll stare at you and wait until you notice him before he walks over and finally understands that you’re just counting, which makes him almost facepalm.

I don’t think he ever did it, and he never will.

Jason Voorheese

The first time he’ll see you counting will probably make him smile as you’re looking at the ceiling, your lips moving a little as you put your fingers up then back down.

He did that when he was a kid and still does it sometimes, but only rarely though! So he understands how it can help you and will only smile whenever he sees you doing that. He finds it so cute coming from you! He’s happy he isn’t the only one who did and does that.

He’ll be less self conscious to do that because you do it.

Charles Lee Ray/Chucky

He’ll laugh when he sees you focused on something and moving your fingers, a shit-eating grin on his face. “What tf are you doing?”

If he startles you he’ll laugh even more as you try to explain it helps you counting. He’ll then tease you about it, seeming like a big meany, when he‘s just really curious ,even if he would never dare admit it.

When you see him at the kitchen table trying to count while moving his fingers, don’t tell him you saw. He’s got too much pride to be caught doing something so “stupid” like he told you when he saw you at first.

Tiffany Valentine

You’ll probably laugh at how big her smile will become when she sees you. She’ll probably squeal like a fangirl too.

What can she say? It’s so cute! So whenever she sees you, she’ll hug you from behind and if she sees that you lost your count, she’ll feel guilty and help you count back, trying the trick with her fingers.

If we’re talking about your concentrated face as you do that, oh boyy.. She will stare at you with a smile on her face, but will look away when you’re about to catch her. She’ll try it behind your back one time, but won’t really do it after.

Brahms Heelshire

He’s really happy when he sees you doing it. You count on your fingers?! He does that too!

He’ll help you if you need some help and will compliment you and tell you about how you’re twinsies for doing that.

Everything you do is cute (y/n)... So be prepared for him to be amazed by your cuteness, even if like I said multiples times earlier, he does that too.

He’s pretty childish though, so he might tease you when he’s feeling like it. Don’t hesitate to tell him if he offends you or if he’s being a brat, he’ll immediately stop.

If you’re too concentrated, he WILL try to make you pay more attention to him.

Freddy Krueger

Wanna talk about teasing? He’s going to tease the HELL out of you when he sees you. He’ll act confused, even a little disgusted as he call out your childish behaviour, but it’s all obviously a big joke to him.

If you’re offended, he’ll just laugh in your face and roll his eyes, smirking if you frown or become mad at him.

He’ll be so smug as he looks at you deep in thoughts, your fingers moving as you try to keep count of whatever you’re counting, before he scares the bejesus outta you.

He’ll probably try it once and like it, which will result in him doing it without you noticing.

Thomas Hewitt

If he comes up and sees you sitting at the table, your fingers moving up and down as you’re trying to count whatever you’re counting, he’ll be curious.

He knows you’re counting, he just didn’t thought you would do it like that! When he was younger, he used to do that to help himself too.

He’ll probably sit and watch you for some time, a small smile on his face. If he distracts you, he’ll feel so sorry! He’ll fidget and probably get up to get back down, but if you stop him he’ll stay reluctantly.

Bubba Sawyer

What?? What are you doing??

He’s clueless at first and only watches, his eyes following the movement of your fingers before they stray to your concentrated face as he tries to be quiet.

Lots of happy noises and cute babbles when you tell him it’s to help you count. He never really had to count, but he did it sometimes too! He definitely will always do that now<3

If his brothers make fun of it, he won’t hesitate to let them know his mind with the threat of a hammer.

Nubbins Sawyer (since I count him as a slasher)

When he sees you, he’ll tilt his head and come closer, sitting beside you and trying to keep silent to not make you loose your counting.

He can take the guess that you’re counting, he probably knows it, but he finds it cute that you do it with your fingers.

He’ll probably goofs about it, doing the same as you do whenever he needs to count, even if it’s to count to three.

Prepare yourself for some camera flashes! He will shamelessly try to capture you in pictures and put them on his wall, and he’ll talk about it like it’s normal if you ask him hehe

Chop Top Sawyer

He’s like his twin, but even more goofier.

But he’s a nuisance too.

When he sees you counting, he won’t even think about it and make you loose your count, then he will apologies and try to hug you even if you don’t want to. He feels bad!

Definitely trying, though. More to make you laugh and joke than to really count <3

ChromeSkull/Jesse Cromeans

It couldn’t be funnier to see his massive frame stop in the doorway, his eyes fixated on your smaller form as you’re trying to count something. He’ll only stare at you, like Michael, but will probably go see what you’re doing.

Whenever you do that, he’s going to tease you to hell and back, but it’s only because he finds you really cute!

His smoll S/O is counting on their fingers! Aww!

It’s only playfully though, he doesn’t (kinda does) wants to be mean or anything.

He doesn’t do that, but doesn’t have anything against it so he’ll try.

The Collector/Asa Emory

Oh... Okay?

He’s probably the one that acts the most normal about it at first. Like, you do you.

He sure will find it childish and a little bit funny, but he won’t say anything about it.

After that, there’s two ways it can go, one: he can go in with his day and just forget about it or two: he can just stare and silently wonder how cute it is you’re doing that.

He doesn’t do it, but he might try ONE time, feeling like it’s kind of ridiculous.

Pin Head

He won’t see you and won’t say anything about it— Or maybe he will, you never know what this guy will say or sees.

He’ll probably lift one of his non existent brows and will go away, leaving you to count. If you see him, he’ll maybe say something or like I said just go away without a word.

He doesn’t have time for this, so he probably won’t try.

Doom Head

As soon as his eyes land on you, a grin will escape him.

He’ll definitely distract you, chuckling if you become mad. But he’ll tickle you to make you forget about it! Even if you’re not ticklish.

He might cuddle for some time with you if you’re mad enough, reluctantly as he would seem grumpy.

He won’t try, but he’s got nothing against watching you.

Carry White(NEW!)

She’ll be the normal one probably, smiling if she sees you at first.

She’ll let you do it, and might even try it if you feel insecure about that^^

Scratch that, she WILL do it.

She’s SO nice about it too🥺!

CandyMan

A deep chuckle will escape him when he sees you sitting, your fingers moving as you look deep in thoughts. He might even try to capture this moment with a little sketch!

He’ll look at you lovingly as you pout your lips as they move, your brows furrowing as you finish counting.

If you’re not finished and you see him, he’ll only shake his head and murmur a “don’t mind me” with one of his charming smiles.

He’ll try counting on his fingers if it makes you happy!

The Creeper

What...??

Super confused at first, until he hears you mumbling some numbers.

After that, he finds it really cute like most of the slashers <3 he’ll definitely tease you about it with some purrs in between, just to make you loose what you were counting and pay attention to him. He might feel a little left out if you take too long.

You want some help? He’ll just pop up randomly and start counting with you, a little smirk as he counts on his fingers too.

Jig Saw/John Kramer

He’ll chuckle at first, seeing you so concentrated with your back to him.

He’ll watch you for some time, but he’ll sit beside you and probably will help you if you need some help.

He’s got nothing against trying, if it makes you happy<3

Amanda Young

She’ll just smile when sees you, walking back towards what she’s doing if she’s doing anything. If not, she’ll just watch you and wait for you to finish.

She’ll make some comments here and then, but she isn’t mean about it.

Probably tries!

Mark Hoffman

Okay, first thing... why can’t you use the calculator before you?

Well, he’ll smile tho when he sees you so concentrated bit won’t bother you. He’ll make some small comments that you probably won’t put together, but he won’t say much about it.

He won’t try, maybe just one tiny time.

Poly!Ghostface/Billy&Stu

Billy will be more chill about it, but Stu will try not to giggle to loud as he stops him in the doorway, his hands on his face.

It’s cute! It reminds him too much of a kid<3 you’re precious

The two of them will laugh/chuckle when they see you’ve caught them, but they won’t look away and Stu will even ask if you need some help!

They will both try, but Billy prefers sticking to paper.

Norman Bates

He’ll be kind of confused for 1 second, just to realize when he hears your small mutters.

“O-Oh! You’re counting? Let me help you!-“

Even if you tell him you don’t need help, he’ll insist and you two will probably be counting on your fingers, even if he prefers paper. His mother might say it’s too childish, but he won’t even care.

He’ll try it, but only when he’s with you.

Otis Driftwood

He’ll be hella confused, maybe chuckle a bit.

“You back in kindergarten or something?”

If you’re downstairs and Baby is near, she’ll smack the back of his head and send him a little glare.

Immediately feels bad if he sees you slouching! He’ll give you a head pat or a hug, trying to not seem too lovey-dovey.

When you’re alone together, he’ll probably tell you he didn’t mean it in a bad way.

He won’t really try it, except if you really want him to,

Captain Spaulding

Of course he’ll probably laugh at first when he sees you.

“What the hell are you doing?”

If he scares you, he’ll feel a little bad and ask the same thing, a small smile on his face.

When you tell him, he’ll laugh like it a joke, but stops once he sees you aren’t laughing.

Why... Why are you counting like that?? How can that help you??

He’s confused, but he’ll still smile and joke a lot about it if he sees he made you sad or feel insecure.

He’ll definitely try!

Vincent Sinclair

He acts pretty normal about it, if as-soon as-he-sees-you-he-tries-to-capture-the-moment counts as normal. But if somewhere throughout your relationship you’ve made comments about him not taking moments out of sketches, he’ll just stare in awe.

He sure does find it kind of funny tho!

He’ll look at you and smile softly behind his mask, blushing madly and turning away if he sees you’ve caught him.

He’s the first to try it, but he’ll do shyly<3

Bo Sinclair

When he sees you, he’ll do some jokes about it and tease you, because we all know that he’s the Queen of teasing (😂)

But seriously tho, it’s just because he finds you really cute. Like, who does that anymore?? He did that when he was a kid!

He’ll tell you it’s childish and all, but you might catch him trying to count on his fingers at the end of the day

Jack Torrance

That’s cute! He’ll definitely smirk each time he sees you doing that.

He’ll act goofy about it... But it’s just to hide the fact that Danny did that.

If you ever tell him that because you see through him, he’ll probably just frown or have a full breakdown while hugging you tight. Just don’t talk about that when he’s finished...

He might try, but probably only to be funny.

Art The Clown

He obviously won’t say anything about it and watch you, mimicking you for fun and grinning as soon as you see him.

If he’s in the mood, he might sit beside you and count on his fingers too, for what? We’ll never know.

He acts like it’s one of the cutest things, you might even see him framing his face with his hands, or maybe you won’t if he wants to be sneaky.

Is it a question? He’ll definitely do that now!

Pennywise(1990/2017)

What are you doing, human?

IT will be the only one who doesn’t understand one bit, having no idea what tf you would do that for.

They will just tilt their head, maybe try it^^

But they’re definitely the one who made fun of you for it, kinda playfully

Leslie Vernon

He’ll stop what he’s doing just to watch you, a smile on his face. But when you’ll look towards him, you’ll see him looking at his things like nothing happened 👀

He’s so sneaky about it you won’t even notice each time he’s looking at you.

It might slip sometime later tho, he’ll tell you with a big goofy smile before acting shocked and smirking at your face.

He’ll try!

Leprechaun/Lubdan

This guy will smirk about it, probably will scare you with a little magic too.

If you loose your count, he’ll have it counted in one second, so please try not kill him 😂

He honestly finds it really cute, not that he would say it (except if you’re cuddling he might hehe)

He’s got nothing against trying it, but he’ll probably be really confused.

The Moaner/Billy Lenz

He does it mostly all the time, but he’ll still tilt his head when he sees you sitting peacefully, a piece of papier and a pencil before you as you’re concentrated on counting.

If he’s feeling it today, he might just sit and stare at you, or he’ll mumble some filthy words under his breath as he bounces his leg, random impatience going through him.

If you see him and try to tell him he’s distracting you, then he’ll be even more of a nuisance

Or he’ll simply just walk away with a blank face, so please consider your options carefully, because that’s not a good sign.

You should probably pay attention to him if you don’t want something in the house broken tho, what do you need counting for anyway?

The Man(Hush)

He finds it funny at first, but he’ll still watch you silently, he might even scare you, like he’ll just sneak and jump before you to make you loose your count

He’ll have a good laugh, but after that he’ll apologies and give you kisses before he sits down and continue to watch you. He won’t do anything after that until you’re finished.

He’ll try! He’ll say he feels silly, but he just finds it cute hehe

Mayor Buckman

Aww! Cute^

As soon as he sees you, he’ll stop what he’s doing and a smile will appear on his face as he watches you so focused in what you’re doing. When he’ll ask you why, his smile becomes bigger and a chuckle might escape him.

He’ll let you do it, might even try it^^ but he’ll insist that you ask him for help whenever you want to count, because he doesn’t want you to take too long.

Herbert West(Dk if he’s a slasher but hehe)

He probably never saw it since he’s so into his work, but he’ll frown when he sees you.

What are you doing? It’s so childish!

Personally, he’s got nothing against counting on your fingers, but he’ll still wonder why?? Why can’t you just use your head??

He’ll be confused even if you say it helps you.

He won’t try.

Patrick Bateman

He might just stare at you blankly or make a “supposed to be funny” comment about it, even though he finds it kinda.. cute

He’s got other things to do, but if you ask him, because he won’t do it if you don’t, he might try counting on his fingers, or maybe he’ll just say an excuse because he don’t want to.

But other than that, yes he might try, just might.

[lord-of-the-ducks]

I’m so glad that people on tumblr are reading Dracula and making memes about it because I’ve been STARVED for Dracula memes for literal years. I have to scour the internet for groups specifically dedicated to the book (and not the god awful 1992 movie, I’ll rant about that another time though) and when I do find these groups and find memes, they’re usually really broad and frankly not very funny. Like, impact font “JONATHAN AT THE CASTLE BE LIKE” sort of thing. I laugh, because my standards are low and I’ve occasionally found some really funny stuff, but I had to actively search for this stuff.

Now hundreds of strangers on tumblr who are infinitely funnier than I am are making memes about Jonathan being a recipe blogger and no joke, I haven’t laughed this hard in years. I also feel like the biggest fucking nerd on the planet because as soon as I see a joke/meme that is specific enough that it shows that the OP actually read Dracula and knows what they’re talking about, I’m on the floor cackling so much that I can’t breathe. It’s like that one post about chefs going nuts for memes about working at a restaurant. . I’m taking so many screenshots just because I want to have more Dracula memes to show people.

Anyway, apologies for the incoming rant, but I vaguely heard that there was someone throwing a fit over people making Dracula memes and not treating the book seriously, and I’m not sure if that’s true or if it’s just a case of the internet being the internet, but let me make something VERY clear as someone who owns 13 books related to Dracula and even more about vampires in general, and has been doing research on Bram Stoker for pretty much my entire high school career, and will probably be doing so years into the future:

This book is fucking ridiculous.

I’ll talk later this month about why I’m so passionate about it (I already scheduled posts for days I think tumblr is going to go crazy) but anyone who tells you that Dracula is a serious gothic horror novel is lying through their teeth. It’s not. People didn’t start taking it seriously until after Bram Stoker died and the book started getting adaptations. Most of the people I’ve seen call Dracula a literary masterpiece don’t seem to actually have read Dracula, they’re just projecting all their feelings about the most well known monster in western fiction onto the book that created him.

I’ve definitely said this before, but if I accomplish anything in my life, I want it to be making classic literature more accessible. I’m the most anti-gatekeeping anyone could possibly be. But if I see any supposed Dracula veterans being pretentious about it, I am going to gatekeep the FUCK out of them because I firmly believe that anyone who has actually read the book should know that it is fucking ridiculous. I’ll be the first to tell you that this book has massive flaws, from the racism and misogyny and internalized homophobia, to the fact that there are just some bad writing choices like describing exactly how the protagonists found all 50 of Dracula’s boxes in way too much detail. Seriously, I was talking to my uncle a couple months back and he told me that he’s reading Dracula since I like it so much, and first thing I did was reassure him that *yes, that part of the book is boring as hell, it could have been a couple sentences, I promise it goes back to being cool*.

Don’t let ANYONE tell you that you’re enjoying this book wrong. I’ve been making some of the jokes about Jonathan having queer dreams from paprika and being the world’s biggest wife guy for years, and it warms my heart to see people who are also finding those things funny. Even if it’s not high brow or whatever, you’re still engaging with the text. And if you are having trouble understanding the 125 year old language, there is no shame in looking things up. There’s a sparknotes study guide with a summary for each chapter, along with character descriptions and analysis, and if you think that would help you, go for it! If you think an audiobook would help you, there’s a bunch of free ones on YouTube since Dracula is in the public domain, and I’m sure you could also find some on other platforms. There’s also an excellent summary done by Overly Sarcastic Productions over on YouTube, and while I do have a couple nitpicks, it’s really funny and engaging and FUN FACT! THE ENTIRE REASON I READ DRACULA WAS BECAUSE THAT VIDEO MADE ME WANT TO! I read this book for the first time already knowing what happens because it’s much easier for me to read older texts when I don’t need to worry about figuring out what the hell is going on!

(Side Note: I didn’t name myself after Red on purpose, but when I realized that I had given myself the same name as the youtuber who introduced me to my favorite book ever and made me fall in love with literature in general, it made my name so much more meaningful)

I know I’m not the only Dracula veteran who feels this way too. I’ve seen so many people who this book means a lot to expressing excitement at the fact that so many people are reading and genuinely enjoying it, and I’m sure if any of them saw someone being an asshole about it, they would not hesitate to drag them through the mud.

This post was longer than I expected, but I just wanted to express how much I love all the memes and that I’m going to unleash my full fury on anyone who has the audacity to suggest that it’s not the “correct” way to enjoy Dracula. Also, if it isn’t clear, I also have a lot of pent up rage at people who shame others who need audiobooks or study guides

[s1st3r]

Soo... how would the Bad Batch react to a S/O that has a very snarky/dry sense of humor? Just always cracking jokes and finding humor in everything? (Love ur content btw <3)

Thank you for your request!!! And THANK YOU IM GLAD U LIKEY!!!!

Ok I have seen this but knew it would take me hours to write so I was waiting for the write moment! (get it? write = right? teehee) talk about a terribly dry sense of humour my goodness.

How Would The Bad Batch React to a Snarky/Witty/Dry Sense of Humour Significant Other (s/o)

Factz: Not even kidding, I feel like the boys would kill for a hella sassy partner in crime.

Hunter

Oh my gosh they are literally best friends!!! They speak in a very similar style to each other.

Hunter expects a little bit of snark from Cross, sarcasm from Echo, and quips from Tech, but when his s/o just dishes his dry humour right back at him the first time they meet, he's like "Why was that so... hot???"

So from then on, most of the dialogue exchanged between the two of them are like super sassy comments and witty replies, until it unintentionally gradually morphs into really heavy flirting. They get so into teasing each other, the whole batch can feel the tension in the air.

Of course both are oblivious of this for the longest time.

But when eventually they do figure it out and get together, the whole batch sigh in relief thinking "finally this intense pining is over"... But it actually just gets worse?

So now during missions, the two of you verbally dance around each other like you're in some comeback war.

In the middle of a serious mission:

Hunter: "I need you here now!"

S/O: "wow wow Hunter. babe. cool your jets. i know we haven't really done it in a while but we're in the middle of a mission and-"

Hunter: "As much as I love how you think mesh'la, I think you're misreading the situation."

His s/o also keeps ruining his *tough guy* persona. During briefs, his s/o keeps making him crack his skillfully honed poker face.

The teasing through dry humour is just a really fun and goofy way to connect to each other and is their common ground of affection.

Tech

We all know Tech is a witty boi, and man do we love him for it!

Tech finds his s/o's attitude quite entertaining.

He does like it when they use their snarkiness to defend him from people that give him a hard time, but he like his s/o's humour best when it's just the two of them having fun.

I feel like Tech would find it 10x funnier if his s/o was also really smart and able to understand his technical language, because they just pass these really witty/funny quips back and forth to each other that are actually hilarious but no one understands. It's like their own hidden language.

Now we've seen Tech smile and m a y b e chuckle a little before?? But so far, we've yet to see Tech actually laugh and I headcanon that Tech snorts when he laughs. (Has anybody seen the live action TMNT?? Kinda like how Donnie laughs in those). So ohmiGOSH it's so WhOlEsOmE when his s/o makes Tech laugh!! He's so CUTE!

The rest of the batch will be out getting supplies while Echo works of the exterior hull of the ship and Tech and his s/o fix up the systems inside.

Tech laying under a panel: "Hm, this wire seems to be adhered to a far less efficient arrangement." Tech's s/o wordlessly shuffles over from their panel to analyse the problem. Their shoulders touch as they lie side by side.

S/o: "Mm, I think you're right, but see here? It looks like it's been manually transfigured. Probably by Echo in one of our many quick fixes. It looks like he's done it so he can easily access and program the flight module."

Tech: "I'm going to rewire it to-"

S/o: "To that one right?" His s/o says, suppressing a smile as they point to clearly the wrong wiring. Tech's eyes narrow and his brow furrows.

Tech: "Of course not! That would compromise the-" He catches a glimpse of his s/o's cheeky grin, "oh you're joking." His s/o bursts out laughing and he can't help the smile that stretches over his face as he shakes his head.

By the end of the repairs, the batch come back to find you both practically rolling on the ground in snorting fits of laughter.

Their humour paired with their competence makes them super attractive to him.

Wrecker

Wrecker finds his s/o's dry humour the funniest thing in the galaxy. He is one of those blessings that will always laugh at your jokes.

Which is a relief cuz I have dry humour and almost no one ever laughs at my jokes rip.

I mean, you guys saw how he reacted in ep 1 when Omega DeStRoYeD those regs in the mess hall. He was so proud and supportive of her.

So yeah he's pretty much his s/o's hype man.

He loves that his s/o's humour means that they quite enjoy playful competition and games. So they're always playing random games together, even going so far as to arm wrestle (S/o: "But we both already know who's going to win... Me. Obviously.")

And sometimes he will let his s/o win, just because he thinks it's so cute when they start flexing their arms and boasting about how strong and amazing they are.

He knows they're joking. He knows they know he let them win. But even though they've never really beaten him, he still thinks they're strong and amazing.

There is always friendly banter between the two but what Wrecker loves the most is how easy his s/o makes things for him.

He's not a natural at romance, and often finds himself making mistakes or he might do something a little awkwardly. But instead of being mad, disappointed, or judgmental, his s/o just smiles or laughs it off and walks him through things.

He feels like he can always be himself around his s/o.

Crosshair

Again, it's canon and fanon that Cross is a bit of a grumpy pants so he obviously finds his s/o's wit irritating at first. Which his s/o finds annoying, so his s/o just does it more just to get under his skin.

Totally enemies to lovers trope. I see it no other way. FiGhT me.

His s/o would make jokes all the time but I see that one day, his s/o makes a dry joke and he gives them crap for it, and they've just had enough and so they absolutely *slam* him with snark, sass, and wit that cannot be rivalled by Crosshair himself. They get right up into his face; tension as thick as s o u p.

And then he just grabs their face and makes out with them.

His s/o's like "ok" and totally rolls with it.

The Bad Batch wonder why they don't fight as much anymore (not that they're complaining).

Now they both use their sass to bully the regs.

They kinda become this unbeatable pair of unrivalled attitude. Unlike Hunter and his s/o who use it to tease each other, while Cross and his s/o do that a little too, they mostly direct their humour and sarcasm outward. Cross's s/o is a little more good natured than him though and will pull him in when he goes a bit too far.

He generally finds his s/o's humour quite funny now (though he'll never admit it), and the fact that he smiles a little more doesn't go unnoticed by his brothers.

Echo

Ok while Hunter is master of the dry humour, Echo is KING of sarcasm.

Having said that, I feel like Echo would actually far more appreciate light humour over sass/snark/wit/etc.

I think after being through the crap he's been through, echo baby just needs a light hearted, positive beam of sunshine in his life and his s/o is it.

He loves that his s/o always has a way of making others laugh and smile, even on really hard missions and in rough times.

I think his s/o having a lighter humour also makes him feel safer. Like there's no chance of miscommunication whereby this s/o accidently hits a sensitive topic. His s/o sticks to surface level humour which makes it easy to digest.

They are also absolutely fantastic at telling funny stories which is a real treat when his s/o will retell stories about some of the missions the Bad Batch has done and they just execute the story perfectly.

Echo is in love with his s/o's laugh and thinks it's so cute when they giggle at their own jokes.

He'll never say it, but his s/o's humour sometimes reminds Echo of Fives and Cutup, which is a bit bittersweet for him.

They say that "a joyful heart is good medicine" and for Echo that couldn't be more true. His s/o's joyful heart and nature revive and heal him. He is so much happier because of them and will tell them so in between little kisses as his s/o giggles playfully at his gentle yet eager ministrations.

~ Sister

Tag list: @damerondala @imalovernotahater

@kaorikoizumi @xlittlemissydjx @in-the-crosshairs @dionysuskid21

@littlemisscare-all

[hoziersong]

for @emeraldcas follower celebration!

day 1 - prompt: words unspoken

1.3k words

read below or on ao3

Tonight, Dean's brain has decided it's the perfect time for a little screening of Everything I Regret Saying (Or Not Saying) To The Love Of My Life.

Dean's not good with words. Never has been. Sometimes when he was a kid, he'd spend days without talking. By now, he's figured he just has to show instead of tell, otherwise he'll send every relationship he has flying off a cliff simply because he doesn't know how to say what he's thinking.

With Sammy it got easier eventually. He's learned to understand him without words, to know what he's thinking, how he's feeling. Dean's sure Sam knows how much he loves him, even if he rarely tells him. He's very grateful for that.

With Cas, though, things are different. It's not that he's better with words, it's actually the opposite. He wants to tell him so much stuff that he ends up not saying anything he truly wants to. And then they end up hurting each other, because neither of them knows their way with words. If there was a prize for miscommunication, they'd certainly win first place.

So, every time Dean says something wrong, he feels like a teenager with an embarrassing crush, mulling over his own words, regretting them even years after having said them. It's like an endless cycle of self-loathing, which he's an expert on.

Sometimes it's not even his long, big speeches that have the most meaning behind them, but the little sarcastic quips here and there, or the small, quiet sentences spoken in moments of uncertainty. Those are the ones that rewrite themselves in his heart, like lines of a poem carved in stone.

"Cas, we've talked about this. Personal space." I want you to be close to me all the time but I'm scared you'll just want to walk away.

"Morning, sunshine. Want some coffee?" I love that you're here. This is your home.

"I'd rather have you. Cursed or not." There is nothing that could ever change the fact that I love you.

"I need you." I love you no matter what.

"Of course I forgive you." I never wanted you to leave.

Then there's a look of sorrow, or a hug, a pat on the shoulder, a mixtape...

There's always something, and yet that something never seems to be the words that have been lodged in his throat all through the past decade.

Holding the weight of his regrets, Dean lays back on his memory foam mattress and stares at the ceiling. He pictures Cas' eyes from memory. The way they droop when he's tired, and sparkle when he's curious. The way they squint when he's angry or thoughtful, almost cartoonish. I love him, he thinks, with an ironic chuckle. I love him, and I'm never gonna be able to tell him.

Just as he's about to start round two of his self-loathing ritual, there's a knock on the door.

"Yeah, come in."

Cas walks in, wearing a pair of Dean's plaid pajama pants and a Zepp t-shirt. He's holding two steaming mugs that carry the smell of ginger, and his hair is all over the place.

"What's so funny?" Cas asks when Dean starts laughing.

"Dude, you look like a hedgehog."

Cas does not seem to be happy about Dean's comparison, judging by the squint of his eyes. But that just makes it funnier, so Dean smiles deviously at him until the angry facade is gone, replaced by soft, ocean-blue eyes.

"Dean, it's four in the morning. Why are you not sleeping?"

"Well, I could ask you the same thing."

Cas sighs. "I was making some tea." He says, handing one of the mugs to Dean. It warms up his hands when he holds it.

"At the crack of dawn? Sounds like someone's got a bad case of insomnia." He says it like it's a joke, but he's worried. Again, not good with words.

"Yeah. Maybe I do." Cas says in a raspy voice.

Before regretting it, Dean pats the spot beside him two times, signaling for Cas to sit down. Cas walks the short steps towards the bed and sits down slowly, careful not to spill his scalding tea mug on himself. Then, he lays his head back against the headboard and closes his eyes.

Because Dean has no self-control, he scoots closer to the former angel and stares. His eyes trace the slope of his nose and the curve of his eyelashes, and the way his jawline is pointing upwards. He suddenly gets the urge to trace it with his fingers, to feel the stubble growing there. A wave of longing hits him like it's done a thousand times before, and he does nothing to stop it.

A second later, Cas' breath startles Dean out of his internal thinking. That's when he realizes how close their faces actually are. His first instinct is to move away, maybe say some joke about personal space, but he finds himself unable to move an inch. Cas is just watching him intently and shamelessly, and it occurs to Dean that maybe he's not the only one who likes to observe his best friend like he's a renaissance painting.

Since his body has decided to become a full-time statue, all Dean can do is stare at the wooden headboard next to Cas' face. Then he clears his throat quietly and replaces what he wants to say with something else, the way he always does.

"Maybe you could, um, stay here. Y'know, to help with your sleeping problems. A different mattress might, um. It might help."

Cas takes a little while to answer, long enough for Dean to start panicking. But when he's about deflect his offer with a joke or a change of topic, Cas nods. They're still close enough that his hair tickles Dean's forehead when he moves his head.

"Yeah. It might help." Cas says, matching Dean's small, tense tone of voice.

Dean's brain stopped working the minute Cas sat on his bed, but the rest of his body doesn't seem to have gotten the memo. It's moving on its own, and a second later, his forehead is touching Cas'. He feels electricity run through it, like his skin is made of lightning. If Cas weren't human now, Dean wouldn't dismiss that possibility. Dean does his best work to assess the situation, but all he's coming up with is a repetitive whisper of Cas' name inside his otherwise empty head. He does the one thing he's never been able to do, which is voice his exact thoughts out loud.

"Cas..." he whispers, feeling their breaths mix together.

Cas has always been braver than him, so he's the one who closes the gap. He presses his lips against Dean's, so ghost-like and soft that he's not sure it's real. To test that theory, Dean's brain finally restarts with a jolt, and then he's pushing forward, deepening the kiss, which he's now sure is actually happening.

Cas returns the kiss like he's been drowning for ages and can finally breathe again. The electricity Dean felt when their foreheads touched is dialed up to a hundred where their lips are sliding against each other, like tiny little fireworks exploding against his skin. Despite the surreal feeling of kissing the man he's been in love with for ages, it also feels like home. Cas tastes like ginger and honey, and that cherry chapstick Dean bought for him at the grocery store.

Dean traces Cas' jawline with his thumb the way he was imagining just a few minutes earlier, which pulls a sigh out of him. The stubble tickles his skin, and it feels so good he thinks he might explode. A million words unspoken fly through Dean's mind, but he doesn't need any of them at the moment.

They break the kiss to take air, but their foreheads stay in place, aligned with each other perfectly. Cas smiles, and it's nearly blinding. I love you, Dean thinks, except this time, he's sure he'll be able to tell him in the future.

[distopea]

As he felt the strong palm on his brother, his soothing and joking voice, Mads slowly understood that a limit had been crossed. He could feel that Mika’s hand wouldn’t leave him, and despite the lack of strength, it was also a way to anchor him to the ground. He couldn’t believe that he had snapped once more, his mind broken and the cracks full of demons that were whispering awful things. He couldn’t if it had been five minutes or two hours, and suddenly, there was nothing but a large pit of despair under his feet. When… When would he be free from this torment? Would it ever stop? If Mika wasn’t here… He could have… 

“I’m definitely the one ladies talk about in my village.” Mika bragged again, and Mads could feel that he was analyzing the whole scene too. “Got a few wedding proposals, but I thought that running away from all responsibilities with that big head of my brother was funnier.” He had to lower the tension in the room so he would be able to get back to sleep, his voice definitely weaker than usual. Mads felt guilty to force his brother into a state of consciousness just because he couldn’t control himself, and at some point, he began to pat his hand laid on his shoulder. It was fine… He had to rest. He didn’t need to parade like this; he had to heal first. 

And then, Nezumi showed a rather brave behavior by squatting in front of him. Surely, it would require Mads to wiggle a tad to ever reach him, but still, he had just faced a form of danger and threat and it was admirable or foolish on his side to be so close. Mads looked back at him, the expression of his face perhaps betraying his own fear. He had never been compared to those horses before, but a part of him could definitely understand why. They had put down so many of them after the war; they were running erratically, terrified by everything, sometimes neighing in the middle of the night, their hoofs kicking the air as if there was something in their box. 

The soothing tone of Nezumi was reaching back his ears as well. He was glad that his attitude was forgiven, but now that he was out of the pot, he didn’t know how he could accept his presence either. Mika was certainly ill, but there was no reason Mads could stay around like this while he was one of those soldiers possessed by the demons of war. He tried to offer a smile, but it was only a bit mechanical. He was responding to Mika’s laughter behind his back, cut off with a few heavy coughs. This one would probably brag in the future that he was the smart brother and he had always known it for sure. 

“I’m alright.” He managed to answer, while he massaged his face for a second. “I’m sorry you had to witness that, though. I’m really sorry…” He paused for a second, his eyes falling back on the reassuring features of Nezumi. “I have been to war myself. I guess… She made it home with me as well.” 

He sighed before he eventually sensed that Mika had removed his hand. He slowly started to get himself back up, stretching his long legs before he eventually had a look on his brother. “This one is chatting way too much for his own good.” Mika rolled his eyes, his curly hair falling back onto the pillow, as he offered a tired wink. Mads made sure to smooth his black hair over his skull, looking back at Nezumi, as he noticed he was still wearing the same skirt. Oh… He felt embarrassed now. He seriously hoped his brother hadn’t been awake during the entire morning… 

“If we stay… Can you show me around?” Mads eventually asked, as he was certain that a bit of fresh air could do good right now. 

distopea​:

The discomfort within Mads was growing to an extent he had never experienced before. It wasn’t because he was ashamed of who he was, nor the fact he had practically touched another man a few seconds before and lost himself there, but it was the whole context. Since yesterday evening, he had been chased by the police for ugly crimes, rescued among new folks who were so eager to protect them that he felt utterly and profoundly unshaken. Why? Why would they all act like this? He had perhaps committed murders; he was perhaps a deviant – he quickly brushed that thought off his mind – he was… nothing but a threat. A man who had stormed in with weapons, and yet, whether it was Safou and Nezumi, they kept demanding him to stay.

He was aware of people’s animosity growing over time, and their ugly schemes when safety and money was at stake. Wary, he thought that they might use the upcoming offered reward to gain better life conditions. They had probably smelled a good opportunity. Who would be able to blame them after all? Two men were dragging both mud and problems into their homes, it wasn’t physically and mentally possible for Mads to ever believe the fact they wouldn’t have bad intentions in the end. It was anxiety talking for sure. A deceived and wounded soldier was always on his guard, even more when the damages were invisible to the eyes. He felt suffocating, all of a sudden, putting himself right in front of his brother.

Protection, action, protection, safety, PROTECTION, ACTION, DANGER…

He gazed at Safou yelling at him with a blank expression, his eyes deeply lifeless despite the genuine atmosphere beneath her venom. Nezumi was laughing, mocking her harsh words and her attitude, but Mads felt that laughter piercing his skin and mind like a ring. No, no… He couldn’t believe this. It was a trap and the two of them were in danger. He looked at Mika, watched how his brother was sweating and hardly breathing. It was a trap. It was just a scam. Nezumi had lured him in, and now… Now Mika couldn’t leave. After all, his conditions had suddenly become so bad when they had entered this trailer.

Mads watched Safou scolding the two of them while his heartbeat was erratic. Flashes were clouding his vision while he stared at the various items around the room. The hints were right there! Divination, tarot cards… He had seen those gypsies when he was a kid. They could curse people. It was a trap! Mads inhaled harder, clenching his fist to the point it became colorless. He could carry Mika. They would run away and find another place, far from people… Far from their schemes. He watched Safou’s back – exposed. He remembered he had a knife in his boot.

He breathed harder and harder, and when she slammed the door, he thought it was his timing. “Nezumi… You…” You lied to me, he wanted to say. He wasn’t even thinking there – he was just acting. Like an enraged beast following its instincts, and the voices whispering in his head. But before he could do something regrettable, he felt the wet palm of his brother strongly – if he ever could – catching his sleeve.

“No… Mads… Calm down… We’re fine.” Mika muttered. Mads felt his foot stumbling. He shuddered and looked aside, only to be caught by the piercing color of Mika’s sapphire eyes. He was losing his mind again. He was… He wasn’t himself again. The demons were awake. Mads swallowed thick and slowly sat down, right on the ground, near his brother.

“I heard what the lady said.” Mika chuckled from his bed, and waved at Nezumi, yes, he was alive. Mads was staring at the ground, trembling. Mika had pressed his hand upon his shoulder. “Mads… He’s just not familiar with people’s kindness, forgive him. He’s a bit of a bear I think.” Mika was clearly distracting them both. He was still strongly holding Mads. “I’m too comfortable here to go anywhere, so we’ll accept the offer.” Mika coughed, and offered a reassuring smile to Nezumi. “I don’t believe Mads will ever chase after whores… But I can’t make the same promise on my side.” He joked.

Mads looked up, his expression still blank, but colors were back on his cheeks. He looked at Nezumi, swallowed again. Now, he was shameful.

The mood shifted in tandem with Safu’s hasty and loud departure.

Nezumi hadn’t paid enough attention until the signs were glaringly in his face. He had his guard down, drunk on success and a false sense of safety, and it would have been his own lack of awareness if Mads had attacked him unexpectedly.

The signs had been there, Nezumi knew. The signs always were. It was his responsibility to pick them up. He was the one who brought Mads to the camp, and thus he was the one who ought to answer for Mads’ actions and behaviour. He understood that Mads was dangerous. He would be arrogant to think that a dangerous man was no danger to his people if he felt threatened. He wasn’t a fool enough to think that Mads was incapable of hurting others—especially in a high-stress situation. He didn’t think Mads was violent, but he knew better than to disregard his ability.

Sensing the aggression, Nezumi’s shoulders tensed and then relaxed into an easy combat stance. He readied himself for defence—and defence only. In a split of a second, he was ready to react to Mads’ attack. He felt a cool wave of vigilance wash over him. He knew where the knives were stored in the trailer. He knew where he had a stash of itching powder. He didn’t intend to hurt Mads, but he wouldn’t hold himself back if it came to subduing him.

He was ready. His mind cleared out.

There was no success or failure—only this moment.

The momentary tension broke when another, hoarse and exhausted, voice spoke up. Mika had reached out from the bed and held his brother’s sleeve.

Nezumi looked at Mads, then at Mika again, gauging whether the soothing worked, and when he saw that Mads eased and his hostility ebbed, he let himself follow suit.

“Ah, so you’re the ladies’ man between the two of you. I’ll remember that,” Nezumi joined in on the jokes, quick to let the momentary lapse in his and Mads’ judgement slide. It had been a long night, too long to hold grudges against a frazzled man.

Seeing the palm on Mads’ shoulder, Nezumi decided to give him space. Surely, it was fine for his brother to touch him, but the two of them were still strangers———despite the heated embrace in which they were mere minutes ago.

Nezumi shook his head. “There is nothing to forgive.” He shifted and squatted in front of Mads. Just about the length of Mads’ arm. He would be able to brush his fingertips over Nezumi if he reached out but would have to move if he wanted to seize him.

A smile and Nezumi held eye contact. “We have horses who are like you. They had been cast aside by war generals and labelled as useless. Sometimes they are sold for meat, but we don’t eat them. They’re young and have a good soul. Lots of love to give, too, if one knows how to approach them.”

“I’m sorry that we frightened you,” Nezumi amended and offered his bare wrists, showing that he held nothing in his hands but the honest truth. He spoke in a soft, soothing tone he would use for rage-tormented animals. “You needn’t feel shame for wanting to protect your brother. I won’t fault you for having your guard up. It’s clearly the way you’ve lived, and it would be unfair to ask you to change that overnight. I will only request you follow your heart and trust your instincts—,” he paused and smirked. “And maybe listen to your brother; he seems to be good at hearing even when he sleeps.”

Nezumi withdrew his hands and glanced Mads over.

“How is it now? Better?”

[maddogofshimano]

A Man’s Promise: Daigo Scratcher Event

Daigo time! Look at these fancy new cards (and karaoke Akiyama, who is the scratcher prize for some reason)

This one ended up being much longer and funnier than I expected, and we get to see Daigo being kind of cool!

Summary: Daigo goes to investigate rumors of Omi Alliance remnants in the outskirts of Kamurocho. He bumps into an old friend turned enemy and gets tangled up in the unintended difficulties the Tojo-Omi war has caused for a local elementary school.

<a certain day in 2006>

With the conflict between the Tojo and the Omi coming to an end, on the outskirts of Kamurocho, the root of the conflict between east and west is still smoldering.

Daigo: The remnants of the Omi Alliance are still around Kamurocho? Is that true?

Yayoi: Yes, that's the current situation as far as we've been able to tell. Even though things are finished, one group has rallied and refuses to accept the outcome. Daigo: Tch, those asshole...! Kashiwagi: Just to be safe, I've informed the clan members to be ready to move out war at any time--at least until this dispute is settled. I'd like to avoid further burdening our members with this.

Daigo: ....Then let's see how those assholes like dealing with me. Yayoi: Daigo, what are you planning on doing? Daigo: I'm going to smoke out those Omi remnants and drive them back to kansai. Kashiwagi: We need to avoid getting into a second conflict with the Omi. Daigo: Yeah... I got that. <Daigo heads out> Daigo: (Well, talking about hunting down the Omi remnants is all well and good, and they're supposed to be in Kamurocho's outskirts) Daigo: (But how the hell am I supposed to find the bastards...)

???: Aniki. Daigo: You're... Shitamura? (Tl note: could also be Shimomura or Shikukira or probably a bunch of other readings but that's what I'm going with. No clue if he’s been in anything else, I don’t recognize the name!)

Shitamura: You really remember me? Shitamura: When I heard my aniki had gone and become the head of the whole Tojo Clan, I figured you'd have forgotten all about me. Daigo: When you conspired with the other side, I was crushed. I haven't forgotten you at all. Shitamura: Haha, you remember stuff from that long ago? Shitamura: By the way aniki, do you think ya could put in a good word for me to join the Tojo Clan? Shitamura: I'm sure you can see that I'd be useful to you. Daigo: You better think carefully before making jokes like that. Daigo: Do you think I'd deal with a double-crossing man like that? Shitamura: Oh, is that so. Well if the Tojo Clan doesn't take me, won't that mean I have no choice but to work with the Omi? Shitamura: You understand the situation, right? Shitamura: There's still a considerable number of Omi remnants hangin' around Kamurocho. Shitamura: I'm holdin' my breath until the Tojo Clan gets tripped up by it. Daigo: What do you know about the Omi remnants? Shitamura: Who can say? Daigo: So that's how it is. If you want to join the Omi, that's fine. Shitamura: What? Daigo: Go join whatever organization you please. I don't have any right to stop you. Daigo: However, if you join the Tojo and betray them in favor of the Omi... Daigo: I'm destroy you with every ounce of my strength. Shitamura: Oooh, scary. Seems that you're the one tellin' jokes now. Daigo: It's fine if you think it's a joke... but it's not. Shitamura: Wait, where are ya going? We're not done talkin', right?

Daigo: I have to investigate the Omi remnants. I don't have time to deal with you. <Daigo leaves> Shitamura: Shit. I gotta get back on the right track! (Tl note: struggling here. 調子に乗りおってからに!) Daigo: (I've been talking to people for a long time, but no one seems to know anything about the Omi remnants.) Daigo: (Is it already that late? I'll have to make another try tomorrow, then. Hm? That's....) Daigo: Hey, what are you doing out this late? (Tl note: I very briefly thought this was the same kid as in Haruka's scratcher lmao)

Takashi: ...Who are you, old man? Daigo: You can call me Daigo. And you are? Takashi: ....Takashi. Daigo: I see.... Hey, Takashi, you should hurry up and go home, won't your parents get worried? Takashi: Leave me alone. Daigo: Well that's not going to happen. It isn't good for a kid like you to be out this late--especially when loitering by yourself, this street is hard to call safe. Daigo: So go home, I'm sure you have homework to do. Takashi: ...But, I don't want to go to school anymore. Daigo: Do you get bullied at school? Takashi: That's not it. Daigo: Well then, will you tell me why you don't want to go to school? Takashi: The event I planned just got cancelled. Daigo: Event? Takashi: It's a scratch card event, you could even win a prize. Takashi: I went and handed out scratch cards to all the old folks on this street. Takashi: If someone won, they'd get one of the rings or necklaces we all made as a prize. Daigo: So why did it get cancelled? Takashi: Because a bunch of scary old men are having a big fight in Kamurocho. Daigo: ....................... Takashi: If we held the event, we'd all get dragged into their fighting... Takashi: So, we had to cancel it. Daigo: So that's what happened. Takashi: All that planning we did? It ended up being for nothing... Takashi: We spent all of our free time after school doing our best making those scratchers... Daigo: ...But, the fighting is already over. If you held it now, there shouldn't be an issue, right? Takashi: We can't. Those scary old guys are still loitering around our school. Daigo: What? Takashi: They lost the fight but they said that even then they won't run away. Daigo: ....Takashi, which school do you go to? Takashi: Ochiyama Elementary. (Tl note: Literally "falling mountain" which is a really funny name for an elementary school) Daigo: (Ochiyama... that is a little bit outside of Kamurocho) Daigo: (Kashiwagi-san did say they were on the outskirts of Kamurocho, so are the Omi remnants hiding out at Ochiyama.....?) Takashi: Since the event I planned was cancelled... After all of our hard work........ Takashi: Everyone tells me that these things can't be helped.... but that just makes me feel worse.... Takashi: So that's why I want to stop going to school...... Daigo: (This kid.... I can't help but feel responsible for this.....) Daigo: ....Go on home for tonight. I'm sure your parents are worried. Takashi: But! Daigo: It'll be okay if you go home. Takashi: If you keep saying that I'll just go somewhere else. There's a lot of other places I can hang out.... Daigo: That's, uhh... Takashi: See ya. Thanks for worrying about me. But, I'm not going to go home. Daigo: ....If I go talk to your school and get them to run the event, will that make you go home? Takashi: Eh! Really? You'll talk to the old guys there so the event can happen!? Daigo: Yes, I promise. Takashi: Sure, I'll go home then! But don't you forget your promise, okay? Daigo: A real man isn't a backstabber. <the following day> Teacher: Principal, there's a guest here to see you. (Tl note: oh my god Daigo. imagine being this poor principal and the chairman of the local yakuza shows up like "hey you gotta run this scratcher event the kids worked really hard on it :(" I would die)

Daigo: Pardon the intrusion, Principal. 

Principal: So, which student are you here about? Daigo: I'm... a member of the Tojo Clan's Dojima Family.  Principal: T-Tojo clan...!? Daigo: I've come here today to make a request. Daigo: The event that the children thought of, can I get your approval on it being run? Principal: The... event? Daigo: The scratcher event. We've heard that it was cancelled. Principal: It's true that the event was cancelled.... But why are you interested? Principal: I think people like you have meddled with the children's event more than enough. Daigo: There's no deep meaning behind it. Really, we just can't forgive ourselves if we disadvantage children like this. Principal: Oh... So you're sticking to your own principles. Principal: You should know that the event was cancelled because of a yakuza attack in the vicinity. Principal: Do you think that by doing this you will end up causing us more trouble? Daigo: (There shouldn't be anybody on the turf around here. So that means it is the Omi remnants...) Daigo: .....I promise the children will be safe. So please, allow the event to happen. Principal: I can't trust in the promise of a yakuza. Principal: I can't stand to see a school become so noisy anyways. I was only doing the event for the board of education. Principal: Now, even if I run such an event, my evaluation won't get any better... Daigo: Oi, Principal... Daigo: Didn't you hear me? Principal: Huh? What? Daigo: I'm telling you that if there's any problem at all I'm here to clean it up. So there's no problem from you, right? Principal: O-Oh, right, that's what you said, sir. H-Ha ha... Daigo: Of course, Principal. I'm glad we're understanding each other.

Daigo: Well, I'm off. I look forward to working with you after this. <Daigo leaves> Principal: Hoo... What the hell, why me..... Why do I have to suffer through meeting someone like that...!

<A few days later>

Takashi: Mister!

Daigo: Ah, Takashi. Takashi: We're going to have our event! You really did keep your promise! Daigo: It's like I said. A real man never double crosses. Takashi: You're right. Thank you! Well, I gotta go prepare! <Takashi leaves> Daigo: Heh... I can hardly believe he was so depressed before. <Daigo's phone rings> Daigo: Hm? My phone is... This is Daigo. Principal: I-It's me. The principal at Uchiyama Elementary. Daigo: Ah, you. Have you decided to open the event? Daigo: I'll owe you one for this. As thanks. Principal: A-About that, just now a bunch of mean looking men just entered the school. Principal: They came in here to ask about you, and what we talked about. Daigo: What? What do you mean? Principal: I told them why you were here, and they stole all of the scratchers for the event tomorrow... (Tl note: rggo actually fucked up on this and marked this as Daigo dialogue when it clearly isn't lol) Daigo: All the scratchers were stolen? What the hell, who does something like that... Principal: The man, he was named Shitamura. Daigo: Shitamura huh.... And he took all of the scratchers? Principal: That's correct..... every single scratch card the children made, they're all gone, so the event won't be able to happen... Daigo: Shitamura, that bastard... What is he playing at...... Principal: That person did ask me to pass along a message.... Daigo: A message? Principal: He said he'll be waiting at Kamurocho's Batting Center... Daigo: Got it. I'll head there right away. <Daigo goes> Shitamura: Yo, aniki. Ya kept me waitin'.

Daigo: Shitamura, why the hell did you steal all the scratchers those kids mad? Shitamura: Why, to lure you here... I knew you'd have no choice. Daigo: What? Shitamura: There's a lotta people that have a grudge against ya. Omi Member: Hehe. It's about time we repaid the favor. Daigo-san.

Daigo: Seriously, you're... Shitamura: Yep. A buncha Omi men. Me, I actually decided that the Omi was the better deal. Daigo: Shitamura, you fucker... Shitamura: C'mon, I saw ya goin' into that Ochiyama Elementary school. Shitamura: And I got to wonderin' what that was about, and boy was I surprised when I got the story from the principal. Shitamura: My aniki, who's got a glare that could scare a cryin' kid into silence, is off doin' all this cause of a brat. Shitamura: Everyone's been sayin' ya lost your edge when ya went back to the Tojo Clan. Daigo: It doesn't matter what you think of me. Just hand over the scratch cards already. Daigo: Those kids worked real hard making them. Shitamura: Do you think bein' told soft shit like that will make me hand 'em over? Daigo: What are you hoping for, asshole? Shitamura: You're so cold to me. You really gotta let go of that grudge. Shitamura: For now the good people of the Omi want to get some payback. Shitamura: Of course, not even you can handle this number of people. Daigo: ....Well, we'll see. Shitamura: I'll let you in on something, as a final gift to take to your grave. Shitamura: That rumor about the Omi remnants hiding out around Kamurocho, I was the one who planted that. Daigo: What? Shitamura: That's why ya didn't find any Omi sniffin' around Ochiyama. Daigo: Then why is the Omi wandering around Ochiyama Elementary? Shitamura: That's just to extort cash from the principal. Shitamura: That principal is neck deep in gamblin' debt with the Omi. Daigo: So, the only one lurking around the school was you? Shitamura: Exactly. The remnants of the Omi was just a hoax to catch you off guard--and it seems like you, soon-to-be chairman, have fallen for the bait. Shitamura: Once I kill ya, my cred with the Omi will go through the roof. Daigo: So when you approached me about joining the Tojo, that was a ruse too? Shitamura: Yep, if I could get closer to you, I could get more info on the Tojo. Shitamura: The Omi pays top dollar for that kinda stuff. Daigo: Seems your backstabbing is alive and well. Honestly, I'm relieved to hear that. Shitamura: Why's that? Daigo: Since it was only a rumor that remnants were hiding, the Tojo can stand down from it's war preparations. Daigo: One more thing, none of you fuckers understand a damn thing about why I went into that elementary school. Daigo: So don't trust in your own power so much. Shitamura: ....Is that so. Shitamura: Though if the next chairmen died here, that would be a big problem for the Tojo, right? Daigo: Me, die? I already told you to think before you say stupid shit. Shitamura: Oh, well ain't you full of yourself? Shitamura: The Omi has a big grudge over the war. Think they're gonna be happy with a settlement? Daigo: I understand... It's on me to remind them about why the Tojo Clan is feared. Shitamura: Excellent, let's fuck this bastard up!

<EVENT START>

Shitamura: H-How the hell'dya win against that many people!

Daigo: It doesn't matter how many weaklings you gather. It's pretty sloppy of you if you're only noticing that now.

Shitamura: Shit! Daigo: With that out of the way, hand over the scratchers. Shitamura: What the hell.... Why's a guy like you want to help some elementary school event...... Daigo: I made a promise to a kid. I'm going to make sure that event happens. Shitamura: Th-That's it....? Daigo: I told that kid I was making a promise to him as a man. That's plenty of reason. Shitamura: Ha, hahaha.....! Daigo: What's so funny? Shitamura: ......I was small-minded in hinderin' ya, I think. There couldn't be more difference in the kind of man you 'n' I are. Shitamura: I wanna stop bein' a yakuza. Daigo: That's a good idea. Shitamura: The scratchers are stashed in this locker. ...Well, I'm off for good. Enjoy yourself, aniki. Daigo: Sure... <cut away> Kashiwagi: Pardon the intrusion.

Principal: A-And you are? Kashiwagi: Greetings, I'm Kashiwagi, member of the Tojo Clan. Principal: A-Another from the Tojo Clan... What do you want this time? Kashiwagi: I have something to deliver to you. <a soft thump of paper hitting the table> Principal: Th-This is...? Kashiwagi: 3,000,000 yen. Please accept it. Principal: Eh!? W-Why are you giving this to me...? Kashiwagi: Our next chairman is indebted to you for your assistance. Principal: Next... chairman? Kashiwagi: A young man by the name of Daigo Dojima. He came here, right? Principal: That fucker- ah, I mean, that gentleman, he's going to be the Tojo Clan's chairman..... Principal: Wow. I had no idea who visited me.... or that I'd get so much money........ Kashiwagi: Please don't trouble yourself with that. This money has no strings attached. Please continue on exactly as you were before. Principal: I-I just don't understand this... Kashiwagi: You listened to our soon to be chairman's request. This is the reward. Principal: Th-That was really worth 3 million yen? Kashiwagi: The next chairman, for some reason he really enjoyed that event for the children. Kashiwagi: Without you, he wouldn't have been as enthusiastic about starting out..... You understand, right? Principal: Uh-.... right, I got it! Absolutely, I pushed through anyone who voiced opposition! Kashiwagi: The next time you hold an event, the next chairman would be thrilled to take part. You have the gratitude of all of us, Principal. Principal: Ha, haha... Th-That sounds great! How could I ever refuse something like that... ha ha ha............. Kashiwagi: ......Around here, Omi remnants have been appearing frequently--which is your fault. <Music cuts out> Principal: ..................Eh? <Music gets ominous> Kashiwagi: You know they've been coming by wanting to collect on the money you blew on gambling and playing around. Kashiwagi: That's why, in order to collect that money, Omi have been loitering around the vicinity... Kashiwagi: Therefore, the real reason the children's event was cancelled, is you. Principal: Well.... that's.... Kashiwagi: Furthermore, you've been hiding this fact--hoping that the Tojo Clan might wipe out the Omi around the school before the cause of it ever came to light... Kashiwagi: But it didn't, and I think you've made this very difficult for us. Did I miss anything? Principal: ..................... Kashiwagi: ........Come now, to hold the children's event a dangerous group like the Omi was wiped out.... Kashiwagi: So it's all done and dusted... wouldn't you say, principal? Principal: Y-Y-Yes sir....? Kashiwagi: If something like this happens again... We'll have no choice but to bring down the hammer. Do you understand what I'm saying? Principal: O-Of course.... Something like this will never, ever, ever happen again, I swear..... Kashiwagi: Well, I'm thankful you understand things now. Coming here today was a good idea after all. Principal: Y-Yes sir... From now on I'm going to be on the straight and narrow.... Absolutely..... Kashiwagi: Haha, no need to go that far. ....Just make sure you don't cause problems for people again and you'll keep living just fine, Principal. Principal: Y-Yes sir... Of course....! Kashiwagi: If you'll excuse me then. I'll drop by to visit some other time. <Kashiwagi leaves> Principal: Hahahaha.... haaa....... I'm.... going to stop gambling..... <cut to the park> Takashi's friend: Takashi-kun. The scratcher event was a huge success! All the old men and ladies on this street loved it! Takashi: Yeah. Did everyone have fun?

Takashi's friend: Yeah, of course! Takashi: Nice! I better get thinking of how to make the next event even more interesting, it'll be so fun! Daigo: ...............

Man in black: Daigo-san, are we going to continue watching these children? (Tl note: BRO your own bodyguard calls you by first name???) Daigo: No, there doesn't seem to be any more Omi in this area. There's no need for further observation. Man in black: Understood. <Man leaves, Daigo gets a phone call> Daigo: Kashiwagi-san, what is it? Kashiwagi: I've just received information that a foreign mafia group is trying to expand into Kamurocho. Kashiwagi: Daigo, we need you back at HQ to start developing counter measures. Daigo: Got it, I'll be there shortly. <hangs up> Daigo: (It's just one thing after another huh... Well, this is the responsibility that comes with my position....) Daigo: (The job of the Tojo Clan's 6th Chairman, a role I'm starting to step up to)

<END>

Bonus time: 

can you imagine what that principal is going through. I know he’s a shit head and kind of deserved it but it’s just so so so funny to see Daigo and Kashiwagi bullying this guy

the most important thing about the entire event is that the scratchers looked like this

please enjoy a faceapp by @majimemegoro​ as well that made me wheeze

finally he can smile and not look like it’s hurting him immensely to do so

[opheliawillowbrook]

How the Cookie Crumbles

To say his brothers fought would be an understatement: They warred. That. That was the better word. However, it was Dick who was the peacemaker among them. The mediator extraordinaire, translating all his brothers’ woes and misunderstandings into less doom-pending transgressions. But to say this unofficial, yet very necessary part he played was tasking was yet another understatement of unspeakable proportions. It was a FUCKING LOT.

“I swear to God, Drake. You and Brown are a special kind of stupid.”

“Shut up, Damian! It’s a good idea!” Tim grumbled in reply.

“Yeah! You’re just mad you didn’t think of it first!”

Dick’s face fell upon hearing the argument and considered turning the other way, but he’d learned the hard way that his lack of interference could result in bloodshed. Damian did have a history of stabbing Tim, and Robin had an impressive body count, according to Jason. I’d better  make sure he doesn’t add two more.

“Well, fuck me and my  entire life,” Dick droned in frustration. “What are you three bitching about now?”

“Damian keeps saying our idea is stupid,” Stephanie tattled.

“Yeah!” Tim added with crossed arms. “He says we lack the fortitude for good ideas!”

“You do!” the current robin exclaimed.

“Damian?”

The youngest batboy rolled his eyes and reasoned, “Listen, I know these two brain donors barely have two brain cells to rub between them—”

“That’s not the only thing they rub!” Jason called from the other room.

Damian again rolled his eyes in contempt and continued, “And I’ve accepted, as a member of this family, that everyone gets to act a little stupid from time to time. However, as much as I would like to respect their commitment to their shared stupidity, I feel as if they are abusing the privilege and it needs to stop before one of them gets hurt.”

“Wow, he actually cares,” Jason added from still in another room.

“Have you been sitting there listening the whole time?” Dick asked, near facepalm.

“Affirmative,” Jason confirmed, entering from the hall.

“And you did nothing to stop them fighting?”

“It’s funnier this way.”

“Do I always have to be the responsible one?”

“Affirmative,” all four said with little thought.

“Okay then,” Dick sighed with reluctance. “Damian, I know you find it hard to accept the choices of others, but you need to understand that free choice and expression is about accepting that others may not make the same choices as you, and that’s okay. It’s the same as you choosing not to take my dating advice and ask Raven out because you’re afraid of rejection—”

“Shut up, Grayson! This isn’t about me!!!” Damian spat.

“Damian has the hots for Raven?” Jason teased. “You have good taste, Mighty Mouse. She got a great—”

“Don’t even finish that sentence, Todd!” Dick and Damian ordered in unison.

“I was gonna say personality,” Jason droned. “Get your minds out of the gutter. I mean for fuck’ sake.”

“Sure you were,” Tim replied with a glower.

“Yeah Tim, cause you never stare at her tits while you talk to her,” Jason added, throwing him doubly under the bus.

“Dude, are you trying to get me killed?” Tim said, shooting an elbow into his brother’s ribs as Damian and Stephanie both glared. Spurring Dick into a further mood for murder.

“My point being is, just because you don’t like other peoples’ ideas, doesn’t mean they’re stupid.”

“Tell them the idea, guys!” Jason urged, stirring the pot.

Stephanie and Tim looked at each other and nodded, as though they’d discovered the holy grail itself. “We’re gonna write a series of YA novels and sell them on the web!” Steph sang optimistically.

“Yeah, it’s a huge and diverse market,” Tim added.

“And with established characters, we’ll make a killing.”

Dick’s brow furrowed. “That sounds like fanfiction?”

“It sounds like utter bullshit,” Damian sneered, not single fuck given.

“It’s not bullshit,” Tim snapped. “YA novels make up a huge portion of the market. People love those things.”

“Then name one YA novel that has sold more than a manga in the last 10 years?”

Tim shrugged. “I can’t think of one at the top of my head, but there they definitely exist and sell.”

“Yeah, so does my fanfiction based on this family,” Jason added under his breath.

“What?” Everyone asked.

“Nothing. Continue.”

“So anyway, I told Damian it’s a foolproof plan.”

Dick rolled his eyes with a bit of doubt, but who was he to judge or discourage their creativity. I mean, he dropped out of college after all? “I’m not saying I believe it’s bulletproof, because frankly, nothing is. But I’m curious why you would consider telling Damian? I mean, he hates most things.”

“And Drake. I hate Drake.”

“We’re all very aware, Dami,” Dick drawled in annoyance. “But yeah, why would you tell him anything important to you? Especially that?”

“Well, we kinda needed a loan. I knew Bruce would undoubtedly say no and, well, Damian has money.”

“Because I make good business decisions.”

“I don’t know why I thought of asking you?”

“You didn’t, Jason told you to,” Stephanie confessed, recalling an earlier conversation.

“Jason, really?” Dick tsked.

“Hey, Damian does make good business decisions. Who do you think cleans and invests money? It’s certainly not Alfred.”

“Because Alfred would have nothing to do with your blood money, Jason. And Damian, I’m very disappointed in you!”

“Grayson, I don’t know what high horse you are riding on today, but you better come off it. Father told me if I wanted money, that I needed to earn it and that I should get a job. So I got one.”

“Laundering money for Red Hood’s criminal Enterprise is not a job!”

“Actually it is. Mighty Mouse made us an LLC and everything. I own several Wash & Folds, all legitimate! Thanks to Hell Spawn here! I’m actually considering making him a partner.”

“So will your LLC fund our YA Novels?”

“Oh fuck no!”

“Come on, Jay! We have a solid business plan,” Stephanie pleased.

“You’re business plan is a bunch of meaningless numbers written on the back of a napkin and poorly illustrated versions of us,” Damian said, holding up the napkin in question.

“Okay, so it’s not the final draft, but we’re working on it!” Tim said pointedly.

“Yeah, as tempting as this all sounds, I didn’t make my money making half baked business decisions,” Jason reasoned

“No, you made it by taking over Gotham’s drug trade,” Dick clarified with disapproval.

“Which was a solid business decision.”

“Why do I even talk to you?”

“I don’t know why I talk to any of you,” Damian scowled, arms crossed, grateful there was no shared genetics between him and his adoptive kin. “I don’t understand what father saw in any of you.

“I can’t answer that,” Jason replied. “However, I can tell you, from personal experience, what he saw in your mom.”

“Do you wanna die, Todd?”

“Do you wanna not have a job?” Jason wanted. “Also, been there done that. But hey, if I died twice then I’d have buffy status so don’t threaten me with a good time, kid.”

“On that note, I’m leaving,” Damian grimaced. “I have to meet Raven, anyway.”

“Oh,” Dick sang. “You have a date!”

“It’s not a date.”

“Bet you wish it was a date,” Stephanie teased. “Y’know, if you just stopped acting like a dick all the time, I bet she’d go out with you.”

“Shut up, Brown.”

“Oh no,” Dick smiled. “I know it’s hard to believe, but he’s nice to Raven.”

“Hey keep that shit up,” Jason added. “If you’re nice to her, she’d be nice to you!”

“I hate all of you,” Damian proclaimed and stormed away.

“Fuck you too! See you at work Monday! Jason called, earning a tiger middle finger.

“He might be an asshole, but he’s a good kid,” Jason nodded with a sense of pride, causing to Dick to silently scoff. “Still needs to get laid though.”

“Bruce is gonna be so pissed when he finds out you pulled Dami into your bullshit.”

“You’re using Raven’s pet name for him now?” Jason mocked. “And fucker’s gonna have to prove it first; there’s a reason I hired ‘Dami’ for that job.”

“Dude, fuck you; dig your grave,” Dick lamented. “And don’t come at me with one of your tired ass death jokes, they’re getting old.”

“Suit yourself,” the Outlaw glowered as silence set in.

“So Dick,” Tim dared sheepishly. “You, um, wanna invest in--”

“Absolutely not,” the elder hero replied.

Leaving Jason to chuckle. “And that’s the way the cookie crumbled.”

If you enjoyed that feel free to leave me kudos 👉 here on Ao3 lol. If you have any remdom prompts send them my way; maybe I’ll feel inspired 😘