#it’s so cold in england i want to cry

[soaps-mohawk]

Cherry Red, Crimson Blood

Chapter 36: To The Sea

Summary: It's time to move on. You're not sure where you're going exactly, but anywhere is better than Texas

Pairing: Poly 141 x reader

Word Count: 7,811 words

Warnings: ANGST, injuries, medical stuff, descriptions of pain and injuries, brief discussion about strangulation, mentions of PTSD and nightmares, so much crying, Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, Alternate Universe, angst, a very little sprinkle of comfort, language, mentions of medications, still very heavy emotionally

A/N: Not actually a lot of warnings for this one. It's a lot of dialogue and inner monologues. Not a lot happens, just mostly setting the scene for the next chunk of the story. Bring tissues though, the last part of the chapter emotionally wrecked me but also might be the best thing I've ever written.

11/30/24: **This Chapter has been edited and rewritten from its original version**

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It’s warm outside. 

Not even the shade from the building can completely shield you from the dome of heat that seems to surround the base. It seeps into the concrete and asphalt that lock it into place, trapping everyone in a bubble that may as well be an oven. It’s always hot in Texas, though. You hate it. You’ve been spoiled by the cold, rainy seasons in England. You’d gladly take that over Texas. 

You’d take anything over Texas. 

The heat prickles at your skin, your arm starting to get sweaty in the sling. It had been Dr. Keller’s idea to keep your shoulder as still as possible so you don’t continue to cause yourself pain when you move. It still hurts, but at least you won’t instinctively try to use your left arm now.

Despite the warmth, there’s still a chill deep in your bones. The warmth of the pain medicine has worn off and you’ve been left with the perpetual ice that has seemed to coat your insides. Dr. Keller says it's the stress giving you a fever. Every nightmare, every flashback sends your body temperature spiking, your heart beating right out of your chest. You’re not out of the woods yet. It can take a long time to recover from that level of distress and the omega taking over. You almost regret it, but there was no guarantee you would have lived either way at that time. You did what you had to do, and it did work out in the end. 

But at what cost? 

Dr. Keller’s phone buzzes in her pocket and she pulls it out, staring down at the screen for a moment. “Kyle wants to come by.” 

You don’t want to see him. You don’t want to see any of them. 

“I think you should see him. Even if it’s just for a moment.” She squeezes your hand. “I’ll be right here.” 

It’s a predicament. Dr. Keller supports your decision to keep them away, putting some distance between all of you for the time being. Yet, she also says being close to your pack will help your healing. Having your pack around will help your omega settle once again. She needs that safety, that security before she finally lets go completely. 

You don’t want to be close to them, but you may not have any other choice. 

You sit there in silence, picking at the fabric of your sweatpants as you wait for Kyle’s arrival. Sweat has started to bead on your back, the day only getting warmer and warmer as the sun moves higher in the sky. You want to go back inside, back into the cool air conditioned building. You want to crawl back onto the hospital bed and lay there for the next few hours. 

You can’t. 

Footsteps approach, but you don’t look up. You know who it is. You don’t want to see him. 

“Kyle.” Dr. Keller greets. 

“Christine.” He says back. It still throws you off, hearing Dr. Keller's first name. She'll always be Dr. Keller to you. Kyle turns his attention to you, still standing a few steps from the bench you're perched on. “Hi, love.” He says. The affectionate nickname almost makes you wince. You don't look up at him. You don’t want to see his face. “I wanted to stop by and see how you’re doing.” 

You don't move, don't give an answer. You don't have an answer to give anyway. You shouldn't have to give an answer. 

He lowers himself onto the bench, sitting as far away from you as he can. “It’s hot today.” He says, adjusting his hat. Always wearing a hat. Maybe that's why he and Price work so well together. 

He stares at you for a long moment but you don't bother moving, your gaze still on your sweatpants. They're starting to get a bit warm, even with your perpetual chill. 

“I’m not here to apologize.” He says, breaking the silence. “You’ve probably heard enough apologies to last you a lifetime.” He shakes his head. “Words can’t fix what we did. Nothing can fix what we did. All we can do is give you what you need, try and make you as comfortable as possible.” 

Tears burn your eyes as you listen to him. He's not wrong, an apology won't fix what happened. No words will ever be able to fix what they put you through. You're not sure there's anything they could do that would make up for it. An apology still would have been nice, despite the fact you know how guilty he is. Their avoidance of you, their willingness to give you such space in an unknown place just proves how guilty they all are. 

That doesn't make things hurt any less. 

You slowly turn away from Kyle, angling yourself towards Dr. Keller. 

He doesn't say anything further in that regard, taking your movement as an answer to his non-apology. He leans forward instead, resting his elbows on his knees. “I just wanted to let you know that we’re getting ready to leave soon. We’ll be heading somewhere safe, somewhere quiet and secluded. I think you’ll like it.” 

Dr. Keller had informed you of that earlier after she went to speak to them. They've decided what to do, what's best for the pack again. You might have protested, except for the fact it meant you were getting to leave Texas. Where exactly they're taking you, you're not sure. You just know it's not Texas. 

“I want you to know that we’re here if you need us.” He stares at you for a moment longer before pushing himself up to stand. 

If, not when. 

Maybe they're finally getting the message. 

Dr. Keller stands, touching your right shoulder gently before she steps away with Kyle, speaking quietly with him, but you can still hear every word in the nearly silent space around you. 

“In an attempt to remain a neutral, professional party in this situation, I feel it would be appropriate for me to tell you not to beat yourself up too much about this.” Dr. Keller says. “The unprofessional side of me has many words I’d like to say to all of you.” She clears her throat. “That being said, on a positive note I can say you’re all doing the right thing for once, prioritizing your omega and fulfilling her needs, even if her needs require you to leave her alone for now. I know it’s hard, I know every instinct is screaming at you to help her, but just take comfort in knowing you are helping her. You’re doing the best thing you can do for her at this time.” Dr. Keller puts a hand on his arm, squeezing it gently. “Even if it is tearing you up inside.” 

“Thanks, Doc.” He says. 

“I’ll see you soon.” She says, patting his arm before she heads back towards your bench. 

You turn your head just slightly, not missing the way Gaz lingers for a brief moment before he turns his back on you, walking back down the sidewalk. 

It hurts. 

You want to cry with every swallow. No matter how much you chew, it doesn’t ease the pain of trying to swallow solid food. Even the worst sore throat you’ve ever had pales in comparison to this pain. Tears burn in your eyes as you eat, unable to refuse this time in favor of choking down some liquid nutrients. Even liquids make your throat ache, but they are easy to chug to get it over with at once. 

This feels like torture. 

Dr. Keller looks guilty as she spoon-feeds you the soup. Chicken noodle, something simple and easy but still something with some substance. It makes you think back to when you were sick as a child, your mother dutifully feeding you homemade chicken noodle soup until you reached the age you could feed yourself. 

You do feel like a child again, unable to even hold the spoon. Well, you could hold it, but it would have come at the expense of some burns from how badly your hand was shaking. 

So instead you sit here, being spoon-fed soup you can barely stand eating. 

“I know.” She says as a tear finally falls, your inhale shaky from the ache in your throat. “You need something in your system for the sedative. It’s a long flight and you’ll be sick when you wake up if you don’t have anything in your stomach. That’s going to hurt a lot worse than eating now.” 

Yeah. You’ve already figured that out. 

“Strangulation is a tough thing to survive.” She says, dragging the bottom of the spoon against the edge of the bowl to wipe off any soup that might drip on you. “Then again, so is getting shot, and distressing to the point of your omega taking over.” She holds the spoon up to your lips, and you’re tempted to refuse. “You’ve survived a lot, more than most could. And to look this good after...” 

You blink up at her, teary eyed and sickly looking, exhausted and bruised. Your left eye is still almost swollen shut, and your hair is tangled perhaps beyond saving, tied up in a bun at the top of your head. All just reminders of what you survived, all reminders of what happened to you. Of what was allowed to happen to you. 

You’re not quite sure when the last time you had a real shower was either. 

“I know.” She says, spooning more soup into your mouth. “You might not feel like it, right now.” 

“I want a shower.” You say, your voice still hoarse and cracking through your throat. A real shower might solve a lot of problems for you right now. It won’t fix much, but being truly clean would make a lot of things feel better. 

“I wholeheartedly agree.” Dr. Keller says. 

You give her a look. You don't smell that bad. She should know, she’s the one that cleaned the blood off of you and the one who gave you the sponge bath this morning. 

She gives you a look back. “I meant it would be nice to take a real shower. Once we get where we’re going, we can work on the logistics of a shower.” 

Right. You can’t exactly stand for a long time on your own, not to mention the problem of only being able to use one arm without bringing blinding pain upon yourself. That’s where the pack would come in handy. 

The thought of one of them seeing you vulnerable like that, putting their hands on you right now makes your skin crawl. 

A shiver runs down your spine, your body shuddering uncontrollably. You grunt as your shoulder screams in pain, another electric jolt burning straight through your nerves and down through your feet. Fuck. You mouth the word, squeezing your eyes shut. It makes your stomach churn, the soup starting to burn a path back up through your esophagus.

“Breathe for me.” Dr. Keller says, putting a gentle hand on your right shoulder. 

In and out. You focus on your breath, the only thing you can do without feeling like you’re going to go insane from the pain. It’s all you can do in this situation. It’s the only thing you can do at all. Breathe. Just keep breathing. 

Sometimes you don’t want to. 

The pain passes as it always does, leaving behind a subtle ache that will linger until the next flare of pain. It’s a constant, never-ending cycle that you can’t escape from. Weeks, Dr. Keller had said. It can take weeks to heal. You’ll be stuck in this cycle for weeks and weeks. What if it never heals? That is a possibility. It’s always a risk with any injury. 

What if the rest of your life is like this? 

You’re crying again, hot tears blazing a path down your cheeks. They won’t stop, they never stop. There’s a constant stream down your face, even in your sleep. You’ve woken to find your face and neck damp from the never ceasing flood of tears. 

How you can’t wait for the time to come when you have none left.

You’d welcome the numbness at this point, greet it like an old friend and invite it in for tea. Anything over the pain and tears that won’t stop. The depression-fueled numbness that had filled you when Price and Gaz left, then Soap and Ghost would be a welcome relief at this point. Anything would be better than the pain. 

You almost wish you were in a coma right now. Then you wouldn’t feel anything at all. 

Dr. Keller puts the spoon back into the soup bowl before rolling the table to the side. She puts a hand on your head, gently stroking your hair as you cry. The room is silent aside from your sniffles, Dr. Keller not having to say a single word. The silence is almost a blessing. You’re tired of hearing words, of hearing people speak. There’s nothing anyone can say that will do anything to help you, to comfort you, to make it better. 

There’s nothing anyone can do to make it better. 

You’re so tired of being like this. 

The sedative is kicking in before you even reach the airfield. She can see the way your head is drooping further and further forward in the car, your body jostling without any complaint. It had started kicking in before you even got into the car, as you offered very little resistance when Kyle helped her mauver you into the front seat. She chose Kyle out of everyone to help her in hopes it would be easiest on you. Your claimed alpha’s beta is a good place to start in rebuilding the bonds within the pack, and his calm demeanor certainly helps. He is a caretaker through and through, that beta trait prominent above the others in him. He would have made a good medic, had he gone that route. 

Your chin drops to your chest as the car comes to a stop in front of the plane, your body slumping to the side against the door. 

“She’s out.” Christine says, unbuckling her seatbelt. 

“Makes this easier.” Kyle says, getting out of the car. 

They maneuver you into the wheelchair, Christine easing your head onto your right shoulder to avoid aggravating the left. The less pain you’re in when you come out of it, the better, though pain will be unavoidable. Kyle pushes the wheelchair up the ramp of the plane, Christine following close behind. She’s glad she gave you the sedative before you left the med center to avoid as much pain as possible. She almost wishes she had given it to you earlier, as getting you into a sweatshirt had been a battle of its own. Though, the longer it stays in your system, the longer you’ll sleep through the flight. The longer you sleep through the flight, the longer they can delay the inevitable emotional storm of being enclosed in a tight space with your pack. 

If you’re lucky, you’ll be out of it long enough for them to reach the cottage without incident. 

John is waiting near the front of the aircraft, his eyes watching carefully as Kyle helps maneuver you into a seat. Even with the turmoil in the pack bonds, an alpha will always feel protective over their omega. There’s some things that can’t be undone, even in such a fragile state. Some instincts can’t be unlearned, no matter what. 

“I gave her a sedative.” Christine explains as she gets you as comfortable as possible in the seat. “It won’t last the whole flight, but it’ll take a while to wear off regardless.” 

“Is that more for her or for us?” John asks. 

“Both.” Christine says. “Mostly for her. It helps with the pain of moving around, but it will also keep her calm in close quarters like this.” 

“Here.” John says, handing her something. It’s a blanket, brand new by the feel of it. “Johnny made a store run this morning. It’s going to get cold in here, so he got the warmest one he could find.” 

Christine takes the blanket, the fabric thick and soft in her hands. It’s a touching gesture, speaking volumes of their desire to still care for you despite everything, their willingness to do what they have to, to keep the pack together. “Perfect.” She says, carefully draping it over you and tucking it around you before John gets you secured in the seat. 

“It’s going to be a long flight.” John says, taking a step back. 

“It is.” Christine says, pulling out her thermometer. She takes your temperature, letting out a hum at the number that pops up on screen. “I need to monitor her temperature.” She explains as John gives her a look. “It’s been spiking when she gets stressed.” 

“She's not quite out of it yet, is she?” John asks.

“Not quite.” She says, putting the thermometer back in her bag. “I’ve only seen two omegas successfully come back from that point, and I know the number across the board isn’t very high. It takes a long time for the body and the brain to get back to normal.” 

“And on top of everything that happened...” 

She stares up at him for a long moment. “She’s very strong. I knew she was a fighter, but to come out the other side even where she is now...” Christine shakes her head. “I didn’t want to say this at the time, but I was expecting the worst. When that call came in about what state she was in...” She bites her lip, holding the emotions back. “Her resilience and fortitude is what kept her alive. That and Simon’s courage to do what needed to be done.” 

“I know.” John says, looking past her. “We all owe a lot to him.” 

Christine puts a gentle hand on his arm. “You’re doing what’s best for her. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how much it goes against every instinct you have, it’s what she needs.” 

“That’s all that matters to us right now.” John says, staring down at her hand for a moment. “There’s nothing else we can do, so it’s time we start putting our priorities where they should have been the whole time.” 

Christine gives him a small smile. “I’m proud of you for that. It takes a lot to unlearn the things you’ve been told since the beginning.” 

The corner of John’s lips twitch before his face falls into the emotionless mask he’s been wearing for the last few days. “It’s about time we get our heads out of our arses.” 

“I can’t blame you totally.” She shrugs. “We were all just doing what the initiative was telling us to do. We couldn’t have known. There wasn’t any room to question it.” 

“I wish we would have figured it out sooner.” He sighs. 

“Things might have been worse if the truth did come out sooner. If you started digging into the initiative too soon, Shepherd might have gotten antsy and taken more drastic measures to stop the truth from coming out entirely.” She glances down at you. “I think this was all inevitable.” She turns her gaze back to John. “What happened, happened. None of us can change that. All we can do is keep moving forward with what we have right now.” 

He stares at her for a long moment. “The more time passes, the more I’ve come to realize why Kate chose you for this position.” 

The corner of her lips turns up in a smile. “Well, I am rather good at my job, which, among other things, involves advocating on behalf of omegas.” 

John huffs. “Wish we would have listened sooner.” 

“You can’t change the past.” She repeats, looking down at you again. “But you can change the future.” 

You woke from your sedation about four hours from Helston. 

Well, ’woke’ might have been too strong of a word for it. Your eyes opened, but you were still hazy, movements sluggish and entirely unaware of the world around you. You floated between sleep and awareness for an hour before finally gaining consciousness completely. Awareness took quite a while to return, though. Not until they were moving you to the car from the plane. 

Even still you’re groggy, slumped against the door in the back seat of the car. You blink slowly, eyes unfocused as you stare out the window at the blur of green passing by. 

“How is she?” John asks from the driver's seat, glancing up at the rearview mirror. 

“Cow.” You say, blinking slowly as the car passes a field of cows. 

“Still out of it.” Christine answers from the back seat where she's sitting next to you. Your response might have been enough to answer that. “Better than being in pain, though.” 

“How long will it take for her to get out of it?” Kyle asks. 

“Hopefully she’ll be more lucid by the time we get there, but it could take a few hours for it to completely wear off.” Christine says, wiping a bit of drool from your chin. “Probably not a bad thing. This is a big change, and with everything that’s happened, it’s going to take some time to settle in.” 

“Things are going to be rough.” Kyle says. 

“Yes.” She agrees. “Being enclosed in a small space with the people you want to see the least in the world isn’t an ideal situation. It’ll be an adjustment for everyone. I trust all of your abilities to adapt, though. Just don't go in expecting things to be the way they were.”

John's hands tighten around the steering wheel, his knuckles going white. Kyle cracks his window open, prepared for the thickening of John's scent in the air. Christine knows she hit a nerve, but it needed to be said. Even if you were open to forgiveness right now, even if they had chosen to go after you right away, things still wouldn't be the same. Things won't ever be the same. It is their fault deep at the root of it. Those cameras were put up because of them, you were taken because of them. You were chosen for the “initiative” because of them, because Kate thought you'd fit in well with them. Their decisions shaped your life, and will continue to shape your life. 

Can you ever come to forgive them? Christine likes to think so. She has the hope that they can put in the work and regain your trust and earn eventual forgiveness. She knows you'll allow them to try once the initial hurt and emotions begin to fade, once the two of you put in enough work to start processing the trauma around the events that happened. It will take time. Probably a long time. 

She'll be there every step of the way. 

“Ashley did some shopping for us, picked up some stuff to get us until we can get into town.” Kyle says, looking at his phone. 

“Good.” John says, his shoulders starting to relax. “Should wait a couple days before going. Get settled in.”

“She's still working on cleaning up. Probably still be there when we get there.” Kyle says, putting his phone back in his pocket. 

“That's fine. We’ll probably have to utilize her a bit.” 

“Doubt she'll complain.” Kyle says, looking out the window. “Be thrilled to have something to do besides work.” 

You let out a quiet groan, shifting against the door. “Hurts.” 

“I know, honey.” Christine says, carefully adjusting your left arm. “I’ll give you more pain meds once we get to the cottage.” 

“We’ll be there in half an hour.” John says, glancing up at the rearview mirror again before turning his eyes back to the road. 

The half hour seems to take the longest as you continue to become more and more lucid and aware. The pain sets in first, your brain picking up on those signals before anything else. John’s knuckles are white around the steering wheel as you begin to whine and whimper around every bend in the road and turn he has to make, every jostle of the car. Every instinct in his body tells him to pull over and comfort you, but he can’t. It’s more important to get to the cottage, and there’s no guarantee you’d even let him. It might make things worse. 

The last thing you need right now is for things to get worse. 

Christine breathes a sigh of relief as they pull up to the cottage, glad she can finally get you somewhere more comfortable. You’ve been in far too many uncomfortable positions today, moved around too much. She would have liked to keep you in Texas a couple more days, but she knew as soon as you were able to travel, the better. The sooner they could get off the grid, the better. 

The sooner they could get out of Texas, the better. 

Kyle is getting the wheelchair out of the trunk when Johnny and Simon pull up, not having been far behind. They likely took a turn around the back roads to ensure no one was following and to keep things from looking too suspicious. 

Christine keeps you from slumping out of the car as she carefully opens the door on your side. You’re more awake than you were, blinking up at her with almost startlingly aware eyes.

“Crutch.” You pout when she pulls the wheelchair closer. 

She gives you a look. “Honey I'm not sure you could even stand right now.” You may be more aware, but that doesn’t mean your body is working as it should.

You let out a defiant noise as you attempt to get your legs out of the car, trying to hide your grunts of pain and discomfort. 

She's tempted to stand there and let you try, but she knows all hell will break loose if she lets you fall. She's not willing to take that risk, not to mention it will cause you more pain to get you up off the ground. 

“Come on,” She says, stopping you before you can get your feet under you. “Nice and slow.” 

You let out a quiet growl of indignation but you allow her to help you, your legs trembling as she eases you up. Kyle is there with the wheelchair, getting it as close to you as possible so she can sit you down quickly. 

“Ow.” You breathe, eyes pinched closed as you breathe through the pain. 

“I know.” She says, patting your good shoulder lightly. She's glad she put you in the sweatshirt before you left Texas. It's chilly outside, chillier than it was further inland a few days ago. 

It's hard to believe it's only been a few days since you were taken. Barely even a week. So much happened in such a short period of time. It feels like it’s been weeks since everything started, but then again, it had been weeks since John and Kyle first left. It had been weeks since you had been around your whole pack together by the time you were taken. The deep depression you sunk into before the events of the last week had been draining you slowly for weeks before this. It had started before John and Kyle were deployed, back to that day when you revealed the cameras and the secret you had been hiding from them. 

How long you’ve gone in such turmoil. 

How far you still have to go. 

The path up to the door is rocky and uneven, the wheelchair jostling as she pushes it up towards the door. She can picture your face, the way it has to be screwed up in pain. You're silent though, holding it all in. She almost wishes you weren't being silent about it. 

The door is already open, light shining from inside as she approaches. Kyle is in the house already, having gone ahead to greet his sister. John is right behind the two of you as Christine turns to wheel you up the steps into the house. His eyes are on you, focused and ready should you fall.  

Christine would never let you fall, and from the way your hand is gripping the arm of the chair for dear life, you probably couldn't anyway. 

She wheels you through the entryway, the inside warmer thanks to a fire that's burning. It's a nice cottage, far nicer than she had been expecting judging from the outside. 

Johnny lets out a low whistle as he enters behind John, looking around. “Yer parents own this?” 

“It was given to our mum by our grandparents. They did some...renovations before they passed it on.” Kyle says. 

“Yer tellin’ me.” Johnny says. 

It looks new inside. New wood floors, freshly painted walls. The furniture looks like she would expect to find in an English seaside cottage, though. Kyle’s parents went to France for summer vacation instead of utilizing the cottage, and none of his siblings had wanted to use it, he told them. It looks almost perfect, like it came right out of a home renovation show. Kyle’s sister must have worked some sort of magic to get it this clean. 

It is a very nice cottage. It’s small, the door opening right to the main area. There’s two couches and a chair in the middle of the room around a coffee table. To the left of the couches is a fireplace, the fire already lit and crackling. It looks original, likely having been untouched in the renovations. There’s a door to the left of the fireplace closer to the main entryway. A bedroom maybe? To the right of the front door are two doors, one on the far wall and one facing the front door. 

The stairs are in the middle of the house, leading up to the second floor where there’s likely more bedrooms. On the far side of the main area is the dining area and beyond that is a sliding glass door. Around the corner on the far side of the stairs is likely the kitchen. She can see the fridge from where she’s standing. It’s new. Very new. Makes her wonder just how long ago it had been renovated. 

“Everyone, this is my sister Ashley.” Kyle says, introducing the other woman in the room. 

“Hello,” she says, giving everyone a wave and a dazzling smile. 

She’s dressed simply in jeans and a t-shirt, her medium box braids pulled up into a bun on top of her head. They look a lot alike, her and Kyle. Tall and slender and stunning. They have the same smile and the same soft brown eyes. She's wearing scent blockers, but Christine can imagine her having a soft scent like lavender or something fresh like mint. 

“There's two rooms down here, and two upstairs.” Kyle says. “The main bedroom is through there.” He points towards a door to their left. “I figure we'll give that to our omega. The bathroom in there has a walk-in shower.” 

“Perfect.” Christine says. That will make getting you in and out of the shower easier at least, and you won’t have to go far to use the bathroom.

“You should take the other room down here.” John says, looking at Christine. “So you can be close in case of an emergency.”

And so you don't have to be too close to them, so you won’t feel like they’re hovering.

He doesn't have to say that part out loud. 

“I put new sheets on all the beds.” Ashley says. “I also picked up everything Kyle sent on the list. Food, some clothes, some other necessities.”

You let out a quiet groan, Christine patting your head gently. You have to be exhausted and sore after the day. She should give you another dose of pain medicine like she said she would. You’re going to need it tonight. 

“Let's get you laying down for a bit.” She says, wheeling you towards the door. 

Kyle opens it for her, revealing a spacious room with a big window looking out towards the sea. You're going to spend a lot of time in front of that window, she thinks. The bed is in the middle of the room, and there’s two chairs facing the window. She’s almost tempted to sit you in one of the chairs, but laying down will be more comfortable for you right now. 

You're still too out of it now to care much as she wheels you to the double bed. With Kyle's help they get you horizontal, Christine draping the blanket at the end of the bed over you. It’s not very soft, but it will do for now. She’ll have to get the guys to pick up some soft blankets for you when they go to town. She has a whole list of things starting in her head she needs them to pick up.

She leans your crutch against the end of the bed just in case you might need it for an emergency. She hopes you’ll yell first, but you always have been stubborn. Being mostly bed-bound has only made that worse. 

“I’m going to go look through the things Ashley picked up.” She says, patting your leg gently. “Get some rest.” 

Christine leaves the door open a crack as she exits, wanting to give you a little privacy as you nap, or at least she hopes you’ll nap. It’s going to be a rough adjustment, and you’re going to need as much rest as you can get. 

“I’m assuming you’re Christine.” Ashley says, walking up to her. 

“I am.” She says, giving Ashley a smile. 

She can’t help but get lost in Ashley’s soft gaze for a moment. The Garrick siblings seem to share the same magnetic energy. There’s something almost ethereal about them. She could easily imagine them with glowing halos and angel wings. It’s almost like she’s being blessed with the opportunity to look upon her. She could spend an hour staring at Ashley’s face and not grow tired of looking at her.

“I picked up the items Kyle said you needed.” She says, motioning to the bags on the coffee table, pulling Christine out of her daze. “I couldn’t find the exact nutrient powder you asked for, so I got one that was as close as I could find.” 

Christine glances through the bags. She was thorough, getting at least two of everything. 

“I got warmer clothes for her too, since it can get chilly out here this time of year. Just some simple things for now until you guys get into town.” Ashley says. “I did some research too and I read that omegas like comforting things so I picked up some extra blankets and pillows” Ashley says, motioning to a couple bags sitting on the couch. “I also picked up this,” She pulls a stuffed dog from one of the bags, holding it up. “It was the softest one I could find. I thought it might help.” 

A small smile forms on Christine’s face, her heart fluttering in her chest from the sweet, thoughtful gesture. Ashley doesn’t even know you, nor did she know exactly what happened to you, and yet she went so far as to pick up some comfort items for you. You have nothing right now, only the borrowed clothes on your back. All of your belongings are still on base, all of the things that you had built to make your perfect nest. Would you want any of them still? Or have they been tainted by the events of the last few weeks? 

That Ashley thought to do this has warmth flooding Christine’s body. You can have some comfort now without having to wait for their trip to town. She almost feels the urge to cry. She wants to hug Ashley, thank her over and over for her kindness. Ashley has no idea how much her small act of kindness means, how much it's going to mean. 

A smile forms on Christine’s face as she stares at the stuffed dog. “It’s perfect.” 

You can hear it. 

In the distance, the quiet roar reaches your ears as you’re dragged from the sweet arms of sleep. It must be a dream, or perhaps the sedative is still clinging to your mind, making you imagine things. 

No. 

You’d know that sound anywhere. 

The effort to push yourself up to sit is a momentous one, every cell in your body protesting after a day of being moved and jostled. The last thing you want is to move right now, but you have to. 

The pain meds have done little to help.

The crutch at the end of your bed must be a thousand miles away as you sit there and stare at it. The ache in your body only increases as you become more and more aware of the pain, almost as if it can tell what it is your mind is planning. 

The door is cracked open, letting in a slit of light from outside. It’s dark in the room, the curtains pulled over the window. It’s a blessing compared to the bright yellow light outside the door. You welcome the darkness as your head begins to throb. You could call for assistance. You’d get more help than you needed. More help than you want. 

No. 

You need to do this. 

The effort it takes to get standing nearly sends you back onto the bed. The pain nearly blinds you as your feet touch the floor, your body leaning against the side of the mattress out of desperation. If you fall, you’ll never be alone again. You can’t afford that. You don’t want that. 

If you fall, you’ll never get up again. 

The breaths out of your nose are short and sharp as you reach for the crutch, fingers trembling in the effort to fight the pain threatening to blind you. You’re trembling like a leaf in a storm as your fingers finally wrap around the cool metal. The rubber bottom drags across the floor as you tug it over to you, holding it against your chest for a moment. 

Breathe. That’s what you need to do. Breathe. 

In and out. 

Nice and slow. 

The pain is only a memory. The pain is nothing. The memories forming at the edges of your mind will take over and wipe out the pain and the misery. You just have to be sure. You just have to be certain.

You push yourself upright using the crutch, tucking it under your arm. You should go back to bed. You should rest. 

No. 

You need to know. 

You need to be certain.

The first step you take nearly makes you sick. 

It’s like watching a baby deer walk for the first time, knees wobbling, feet shaking. You lean heavily on the crutch, your determination the only thing keeping you from tumbling to the floor in a heap. That might almost hurt worse than forcing yourself to stand upright. 

If you fall, you’ll never get up again. 

Inch by inch you move across the floor, silently grateful for the socks on your feet. They allow you to slide across the hardwood, but they also pose a threat. Slide too far and you’ll lose your feet. 

If you fall, you’ll never get up again. 

The determination and your desire for certainty is what keeps you sliding inch by inch across the floor towards that strip of blinding light in front of you. It’s hovering before you, threatening you. How do you know there’s not one of them standing guard, waiting for you to try and leave? You can’t know. You don’t have a clue what’s waiting on the other side of that door. It could be nothing. It could be your entire pack. 

Breathe. 

In and out. 

You take a moment at the door, resting your aching feet. Your body is throbbing from the effort to keep yourself upright, the sedative still numbing your brain and your movements. It’s like treading through honey, everything twice as hard as it should be. You can walk. You’ve done it before. You did it in the medical center. 

You can do it here. 

You use the crutch to push the door open more, your free arm still tucked in a sling to keep you from moving it. Reaching for it with that arm would have put you on the floor, would have caused more pain than you needed, would have made you fall. 

If you fall, you’ll never get up again. 

Breathe. 

The light burns. Explosions of yellows and whites erupt behind your eyelids as you screw them tight against the sudden onslaught. The sun is in the room, shining its rays directly into your sensitive eyes. Your stomach churns, your fingers tightening around the crutch so tight your knuckles begin to ache. The oppressive light makes you want to recede back into the darkness of the room behind you like a vampire shying away from the light of day. 

No. 

You won’t be defeated by the harsh artificial lighting. You need to know. 

You need to be certain.

The others are moving around. You can hear voices around the corner, voices upstairs with thudding footsteps. The air is thick with a mesh of scents, cleaning chemicals, and the burn of scent blocker. Your nose wrinkles at the sudden onslaught against your senses, your sedated brain making it all seem so much worse. 

You need to know. 

The hardwood floors continue and you use them to your advantage as you shuffle your way across the main area. The fire crackles as you pass, the popping of a log making you startle. Your feet slide again, your body pushing up against the crutch to hold yourself steady. 

If you fall, you’ll never get up again. 

Your target is dead ahead, a mile away but so close you can almost taste it. Just past the dining table and straight on till morning. 

Despite your snail’s pace, no one seems to notice you shuffling your way across the house. It should make you upset, the fact that none of them notice you moving around, but instead it makes you glad. They’d try to stop you if they noticed you, turn you around and shuffle you back to bed. Or worse, they’d carry you. 

How easily you could slip away, though. 

Well...in theory. 

Perhaps that’s why they ‘re not paying you any mind. How far could you really go in your current state? 

Why would you want to stray from the only safe space you have? 

The world outside is more dangerous with the state you’re in. Not just because of your injuries and your status, but also because you know Shepherd is still out there, and for all you know Graves is as well. 

He could be waiting right outside the door. 

No. 

They’d know. 

They’d protect you. 

They failed. 

You push past the fear in favor of certainty as you push forward, passing the dining table in your slow crawl towards the sliding glass door. 

It poses an entirely new threat as you stand before it, staring out the darkened glass. You have to get it open. Getting it open takes strength and you’re down to one hand that’s trying to keep you upright. 

You have to know. 

You have to be certain. 

You lean your weight on the crutch, ignoring the way it digs into your armpit as you reach for the handle. You click the lock, wrapping your fingers around the plastic before pulling. Your body screams with pain as you tug, the door sliding in the track as slowly as you had moved across the small living area. It’s almost as if it's mocking you. 

It’s open only as wide as you need to crutch your way through, doing your best not to knock your left shoulder against the frame. 

If you fall, you’ll never get up again. 

Breathe. 

You can smell it. 

The salty sea air invades your senses, slipping up through your nose and straight into your brain. Memories come flooding back of childhood vacations back when things were simpler. Back when nothing mattered but the sand and the water and avoiding getting chased by your brothers carrying the piece of seaweed they found. 

Polkadot bathing suits, bright red to be seen easily. Toes in the water, sand everywhere. The nap in the silent car home. 

How simple life was back then. How easy life was. 

Your heart aches for those days again. The days when you could exist without a care in the world, trusting your pack would keep you safe, trusting your family would care for you. Your mind yearns for that sense of safety and security again. 

The world is grey as you hobble across the porch, the grey seeming to go on forever. You missed it, the chill in the air, the gloomy grey overhead. How you yearned for the gloom of England while stuck in the heat of Texas. 

Anything is better than Texas. 

Your forward shuffle pauses at the edge of the deck, your eyes looking out into the grey. Your breath catches in your throat as you stare out into the distance, the ache in your chest intensifying. It blocks out the pain in your body, numbing you to everything else as you stand there, legs trembling from the effort of going the short distance from your room to the end of the porch. 

You can see it. 

Emotions swirl inside of you like a hurricane as you stare out where the grey water meets the grey sky in the line of the horizon. Those emotions threaten to choke you as you stand there trembling at the edge of the porch. There’s a breeze, a cold one that bites through the fabric of your sweatshirt and into the skin below, but you don’t care. 

You can’t care. 

Your legs shake from the exertion, the neverending exhaustion that’s settled deep into your bones. It’s not just a physical exhaustion, but a mental one as well. It’s been a long week. 

Only a week. 

So much has happened in a week. 

You want to sit. You want to sink down onto the porch and rest. 

If you fall, you’ll never get up again. 

There’s a pain in your chest as your breath catches in your throat. The emotions are whirling, tightening around your chest, squeezing your lungs until they feel like they might pop. 

Breathe. 

In and out. 

You needed certainty. You needed to know. 

You can hear it. You can smell it. You can see it. 

A single tear rolls down your cheek as you stare out at the sea. 

NEXT ->

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[madamechrissy]

Silent Serenades

♔ An arranged Marriage with Duke Gojo ♔

�� Pairings: Duke Satoru Gojo x Duchess Reader

♔ Content/Warnings: TW: period sex scene, I'll mark if you wanna skip- angsty asf always but more fluff, A LOT OF SMUT THIS CHAP, cunnilingus, fingering, blow jobs, rough sex, dirty talk, name calling, low key breed kink, mentions of past cheating

♔ Word count: this chap: 12.2k

♔ Summary: you are the diamond of the season, he is the charming Duke, it’s the marriage of the decade. Prominent families joining, and it so happens that Duke Gojo is gorgeous. But, he doesn't want you at all, leaving you a crying mess on your wedding night, alone. Now you're trapped in a loveless arranged marriage that destroys you from within. Royal AU, Cruel Duke Gojo x reader. OOC Set in 1800s England. Gojo is awful in this. You'll hate Satoru, warning you now. HEAVY angst Basically- Gojo is a royal dick and doesn't wanna marry you

Comments and Reblogs appreciated if you enjoyyy <3

Part Eleven ♔ Masterlist ♔ Playlist

Part Twelve

“Please, don’t fight. Especially here.” You say softly, and the two of them look down at you, Satoru’s blue eyes are furious and Nanami’s hazel ones seem devastated, filling you with so much guilt you can’t stand.

“There are many people looking already.” Hiromi says, worried expression on his face.

“Then we’ll go somewhere else.” Satoru says through gritted teeth.

“Absolutely.” Nanami agrees, cracking his knuckles, your stomach feels sick as they start walking out, you follow them, gently pulling on Satoru’s hand, he grips yours in his, eyes now glassy as he scowls at Nanami, jaw clenched so hard you see a blue vein under his pale skin popping up.

“Satoru…” He clutches your hand then, looking at you, and you tense, preparing for a blow. Surely he’ll down you for what you’ve caused, surely he’s furious…

“I’m not mad at you.” He says softly, shocking you then, your jaw is dropped open, he’s letting you go though now that you all are literally in an alleyway, hidden from others. It’s dark and cold as he lets you go, walking up chest to chest with Nanami, leaving Hiromi to look back nervously behind you all.

“Nanami…” He begins again.

“How do you think you have any right to walk up on me and my wife, shouldn’t you be baking fucking cookies?” Satoru shoves him then, and Nanami laughs without humor, rolling up his sleeves to reveal the strong forearms. He’s way bigger than Satoru is, even though Satoru is very muscular, and you instantly fear for him.

“I do a lot more than bake cookies, your Grace.” Nanami says, shoving Satoru back now, but he barely moves, looming taller over him, rolling his own sleeves up now to reveal his veined forearms and clenched fists.

“Like trying to steal wives?”

“Steal, you didn’t even want her!”

You feel tears prick your eyes at the words, at the memories, and Satoru pauses for a moment now, brows together. “I always wanted her.”

“Sure you did, remember I was at that masquerade, and I was right next to your chambers.” His eyes dart to you now. “You had no problem having women scream, how do you have a right to act like some doting husband now? Having her afraid to eat a fucking cookie.”

Satoru pauses again, raking a hand through his hair, your heart is racing as you watch them, unable to speak. “I was terrible, but it gives you no excuse to literally take what’s mine. Do you know I can duel you for what you did to her?”

“It was her choice. She asked me.” Satoru looks at you now, and you want to sink into a fucking hole. “Several times. Over and-”

Satoru punches him then, right in the jaw, Nanami grunts, only to punch Satoru, instantly splitting his lip. Satoru licks the blood, laughing. “And she was an innocent girl, she didn’t even know what it was.”

“She saw you plenty.” Nanami punches again, Satoru ducks, you’re fighting the urge to throw up as Satoru pins him to the wall. “What, now you want her? Because I was going to marry her?”

“You never had a chance, baker boy. She never loved you.”

“And you think she loves you? She’s just young and naive.”

“She’s not naive, she knows what she wants, and it isn’t you. Unh…” Nanami punches Satoru right in the stomach, making him hunch over, only for you to run between them now, holding your arms out, glaring up at Nanami, whose strong chest is huffing up and down.

“Get out of the way, Duchess. I have more to say.” Nanami says, and you shake your head now. “You’ll protect him after what he did? He almost broke you.”

“I know he did, and I know you helped me, and Nanami I thank you for being there, but… I ended things.” You say quietly, he shakes his head, scowling over you, when Satoru’s hands come to your waist possessively, making him furious.

“So what you immediately did what I said you would?” He demands, eyeing you and raising a brow, you tremble now, feeling emotions overwhelm you.

“You don’t get to judge her. Mr. Fucks Married Women.” Satoru has you behind him now, shoving Nanami again.

“You hadn’t even fucked her yet, you mad I was first?”

“Really, stop!” You are pressed aside as Nanami is punched in the stomach by Satoru again, he punches Satoru so hard you hear a sickening crack, panicking. “Will you two-”

“Nanami, you can’t do this.” Hiromi says. “He’s a Duke.”

“And he’s a fucking piece of shit, who slaps women and downs them.” Nanami wipes blood off his lip, and Satoru’s furious, literally shaking.

“Yeah I was a piece of shit, but guess what, you’re no knight in shining armor, you took advantage.”

“Me!? I’m nothing like you.” Satoru pins Nanami to the wall now, as you and Hiromi look at each other.

“Can you get through to him?” You whisper, and he sighs, shaking his head as he looks down.

“He’s in love with you, how do you fix that?” You feel the guilt clawing at your heart as you look on with horror at them, at the man you couldn’t love enough, and the man you can’t stop loving.

“You are more like me than you think, I heard you, I saw you with her, and instead of killing you like you fucking deserve, I let you go. Now you’re coming up to me like this? Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“Someone who actually loves her, who cares, who wants to beat you to a pulp for how much you broke her. Do you know how far down she was? How she hated herself because of you? I knew her before you ruined her.”

“Ruined me…” You whisper, choking back tears, but of course they can’t hear with their own blood pumping in their ears.

“She’s not ruined, despite my efforts, she’s strong, and yes I was shit for it, but it’s not you who gets to come at me. She can.”

“She won’t, she’s too sweet and caring, she cares about you when she sure fucking shouldn’t.”

“Nanami, please just… talk to me.” You ask then, and he glances at you, clear hurt all over his chiseled features.

“You can’t truly want this.” He says, and you sigh.

“I do want to be with him, I’m sorry… but I do.”

Nanami tenses, glaring. “What have you done to her so quickly?” Nanami asks, and Satoru smirks then, leaning close.

“I don’t know, had her cumming all over-” Nanami punches him again, now Satoru’s stumbling into a wall, earning your glare.

“Satoru, really?” You demand with a hiss.

“You’re mad I had her first, aren’t you?”

“Nanami!” You glare now, Satoru’s enraged at him.

“You’re bragging about taking my wife’s virginity? When she was hurt and vulnerable-”

“Hurt by you. By you. Can’t admit it?” Nanami has him snatched up by his suit now, crumbling the bright blue fabric, clenching his fist again as Satoru struggles out of his hold.

“I admit it, time for you to admit your fault.”

“I don’t have any fault in falling in love with her, when you threw her away like she was nothing. Why wouldn’t I fall for her?” You hear the emotions in his voice, usually so composed, Satoru is quiet for a moment, stopping the struggle.

“You don’t even know her, of course you think you’re in love, she’s everything… she’s beautiful, she’s amazing, she’s sweet… she’s also a fucking mess, she’s reckless, feisty and short tempered. She cusses like a man, and she’s most importantly her own person. She didn’t choose you.”

“She’s too blinded by you, by your manipulation. Is this what you do, treat her like shit until you almost lose her?”

“I’ll never forgive myself for what I did to her.” Satoru says then, voice breaking, you can barely look at them, breasts heaving with your breaths, tears falling hot and sticky down your cheeks.

“And she’s forgiven you already.”

“She has, but I won’t forgive myself. And I won’t forgive you, for taking what was never yours, you call me manipulative when you did worse. You would sleep with a virgin-”

“Please stop!” You beg, but it falls on deaf ears.

Satoru grins psychotically now. “She didn’t like it, baker.”

“Oh, she came on my-”

“Now!” You shove at them both again, huffing and turning to Nanami. “Don’t, no more please.”

Nanami’s brows lower. “How can you defend him?”

“He’s… I… I love him. I do.”

Nanami is quiet now, as is Satoru, so quiet you can hear the blood rushing through your veins. You know this will hurt him more, but it’s going too far. “You don’t know what you feel.”

“Stop speaking for her, she can speak for her fucking self just fine.” You glare at Satoru now.

“That’s enough out of you, both of you. Acting like children, fighting over their favorite toy. Nanami, I know you’re hurt, let us talk. Stop this.”

“Stop fighting for your honor?” He demands, leaning down now.

“She doesn’t need you to fight for her goddamn honor, she’s no damsel in distress. She was happy this morning, for once.”

“As if you could truly make her happy. And no, no one should treat women like you do.” Nanami shoves at Satoru again.

“So is it your knight tendencies or did you really love her?” He asks, raising a brow, and Nanami’s seething now.

“Don’t pretend to know anything about me. How much has she cried over you, and your endless cruelty?”

Satoru blinks, white lashes trembling over his gaze. “Well I’m not cruel now, and I’m fucking trying. She is my wife.”

“For now.”

“Jesus christ. Nanami… come talk to me.” Satoru grabs your arm then, glaring at you. “Let me talk to him.”

“Touch her again and I’ll fucking end you.” Satoru says, and Nanami smirks, tilting his head.

“Oh will you now?”

“Enough!” You drag Nanami further down the alleyway, as he’s brushing himself off, and Satoru’s stomping away, Hiromi turns around to give you both privacy. “This is too much, you must stop this, I’m not worth your efforts.”

“That’s where you’re wrong.” Nanami cups your face, bending low.

“You mean to get killed!?”

“You deserve someone to fight for you, for what he did, it wasn’t right and you know it.”

You grip his wrists now, and something feels so wrong about this, about his hands on you, when just days ago you welcomed them. “I appreciate you, I truly do, but I don’t need you to fight my fights. I am capable.”

“Capable of being manipulated?”

You glare now, taking his hands off. “You’re hurt.”

“Yes I am hurt, how can you be…” He leans close now. “How can you be cumming all over my cock, how can I have taken your innocence, and then you just… you just…”

You feel sick now, barely able to stand the thoughts of what you’ve done, and how deeply he was affected. The memories feel so long ago when they just were days ago. “I shouldn’t have slept with you. I’m so sorry for it.”

“What!? No…”

“No I never should have. You’re right, I asked for it, and I never should have done it. I shouldn’t have kissed you that day, I should have been friendly and moved on. Because I’ve destroyed you, and I care for you so much. Watching you… like this… I can’t…” You’re sobbing now, covering your mouth and shaking, Nanami gulps, Adam's apple bobbing in his throat.

“I can’t regret being with you. How could I?”

“You should! You should.”

“All I can think of is you, and to see you kissing him. Happy? How the fuck can I be all right with this!?” He’s gripping your shoulders now. “I’ve never felt what I felt with you.”

“I don’t feel the same.” You’re speaking between sobs now, shaking your head as you hurt him more. “I never did, Nanami. I enjoyed you, I respect you… you’re handsome and perfect, I wanted to. I did. Wanted to love you like you love me, but what I feel isn’t enough for you.”

“How do you even know-”

“I’m in love with him, the undying love you think you feel. The need to constantly be with him, the consuming need in my heart. It’s for him, Nanami. I didn’t want you to be hurt more, but it’s true. I do.” Nanami’s eyes glimmer, and you hate yourself. “You deserve to be chosen. You do.”

“You’re foolish.”

“Maybe I am. But I love him. Despite it all, despite every terrible thing he did, I fall deeper every moment. I didn’t feel it for you, I felt… I felt affection, desire.”

“Just affection and desire?” He repeats, raising a brow.

“You’ll make someone happy. Someone who deserves all the love you have, and Nanami… you have to let me go.”

“Let you go?” His voice is broken, his handsome face just falling and you feel it like a punch in your stomach, the ties of your bodice tighter now, as if they’re strangling you. “Did this mean nothing to you?”

You shake your head, gloved fingers swiping at the hot sticky tears that fall. “No, it meant so very much to me, your kindness, your care… what we did however, I think I acted on impulse, I didn’t think it through. I was hurt. I should have never taken it as far as we did.”

He sighs now, emotions glimmering in his own gaze, cupping your face with one of those rough hands, thumb brushing a tear. “He is correct on one thing, I had a fault in this, I carried on with you. I let my desire cloud my judgement.”

“You have no fault here. He is merely upset, I’ve upset you both, hurt you both. I told you, it’s what I do.” Your shoulders shake with your cries, and he is tense now, shaking his head.

“No, I was at fault, you were so upset that day. I should have told you no, but I wanted you so badly. Then I wanted to make it right somehow, what I did. Do you know I would have given you everything? Anything you wanted?” You just nod, eyes closing, more tears falling. “It’s not what he can give but-”

“It is not about that, it never has been. I know you would.” You take his hand now, kissing it and resting your forehead on it. “It’s that I am not your person. Deep down, I think you already know.”

Nanami pauses, hand clutching your tightly, you feel his hurt through his every breath, and it stabs you and twists you in your heart. “I can’t just fall out of love with you. You can’t expect that.”

“I know. I know. But please, let it go. Please open your heart to someone who will not crush it. I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you.” Nanami gulps now, blinking rapidly, easing his hand down finally, still entwined with yours.

“You deserve better than him, I don’t care what you’ve done. I will let you live your life, you won’t see me again.” Your heart shatters into pieces as he backs away, knowing that someone you cared so much for is gone forever, but you know it’s what is best for him, you know you finally have done the right thing, ending it so he can move on.

But it hurts, fuck it hurts.

“Did you ever even care, I’m curious? Or was I just for amusement?” You sense his voice, he is more terse with how he speaks, and who can blame him?

“How can you say that! Yes I cared. But it wasn’t enough.”

“Just enough until he wanted you? Was it to get him to want you?” You’re shattering more at his words.

“You’re unexpectedly cruel right now.” You whisper, and he looks away now, hands clenching at his sides.

“I am curious about your motives, I mean no cruelty. Before I never see you again I’d like to know. If you used me to get him.”

“If anything I assumed it would make him hate me more, but no, I did it because you made me feel beautiful, desired, when I felt so unwanted. You made me feel special, seen and heard. You are a sweet, loving person, and of course I wanted to feel loved. But it shouldn’t have been at your expense. Why did you do it? Since we’re asking.” You say softly, his eyes lock back on you.

“Because I felt something for you, even that night we met.” His voice drops an octave. “Also, because I wanted to save you, to fix you somehow, you seem so very broken.”

“Fix me?” You sigh now, shaking your head. “I fear I’m no easy fix.”

“You certainly are not.” He takes your hand once more, you notice the blood on the backs of his knuckles. “I wanted to do right by you, I never meant to dishonor you, to just sleep with you on a whim.”

“I know you did. I never expect you to forgive me, but I hope you find happiness, I hope you find everything you deserve.” You say, and he has two tears fall, as he brings your hand higher towards his lips.

“I wanted you.” He kisses the backs of your fingers now, you can feel the gaze of Satoru behind you, Nanami’s eyes lock with his over your head now.

“I’m honored you did, I’m honored I knew you Nanami Kento.” You say softly, in between sniffles and cries. He tilts his head, a little softer, a little less angry, sandy blond hair falling just a bit over his furrowed brow.

 “I will let you go, and wish you whatever happiness you wish in life. You deserve happiness, whether you think so or not, Duchess.”

“Th-thank you, I wish the same for you Mr. Nanami. Truly, with everything in me, I hope for your happiness.” Your voice is hoarse as you hold back further tears, and Mr. Nanami bows his head, finally stepping away.

“Farewell, Duchess.” He tips his hat to you, surprisingly still on his head after the fight with Satoru, and he walks away, past Satoru now, who is glaring at him with unbridled fury. “You don’t deserve her.” He says tersely.

“I know I don’t.” Satoru says, his own voice broken completely, and Nanami’s shoulders relax just a bit. “But I’ll do everything to keep her.”

“Then do good by her.” Nanami looks at you one more time, and there’s no soft smile, no sweet eyes, they’ve gone cold, emotionless, ending you further when he leaves with his friend. Satoru’s eyes catch yours, and he’s on you in mere moments, as you nearly collapse.

“I’m horrible, I’m terrible, I’m-”

“You’re just a girl. You’re just a human being. Stop it.” Satoru cups your face, and his hands feel so calming, his presence somehow soothes everything inside you, and it had for longer than you care to admit.

Even when he caused your panic attack, you loved his soothing touch, his words. Being held by him even when you hated him, despised him. Now he comforts you for losing your lover, something he should hate you for, but there is understanding in his gaze, in his eyes, blue and glimmering, a cheek swollen, blood on his perfect lips, which you caress softly.

“Do you hate me?” You whisper, and he shakes his had.

“No, how could I ever? How could I ever hate you for doing what I did, for being pushed to. Even when I said I did… I do not hold anything against you. Him though?” Satoru’s eyes narrow. “He’s so clearly wanting what I have.”

“He will move on. And be better for it.”

“No one is better without you, Princess.” His words melt you, then you’re assessing him, seeing the injuries.

“You’re hurt. We need to go home.” You say, and he grins suddenly, an insanely huge grin, splitting his lip further. “Be careful!”

“You said home.” He whispers, pulling you flush against him now. You laugh softly, shaking your head, arms wrapped around his neck.

“Aren’t you furious at me!? In this situation?”

“Oh I’m furious at him, I want to kill him with my bare fucking hands, but you saying that it’s your home? That overtakes damn near anything.” He picks you up in his arms, as you cling to him, dangling like you’re nothing, his madness fucking infectious, you start to smile yourself.

“I need to take care of these cuts, so yes, let’s go home.”

“You’re so oddly calm, Satoru.” You murmur later, delicately cleaning the wound on his lip, on his eyebrow with a little cloth. Satoru’s sitting on a chair in the living room, there is no longer a table, Satoru’s gotten rid of it and ordered another, a pleasant and amusing surprise earlier.

“I’m getting nursed by this sexy Princess right now. I’m content.” You snort, shaking your head, beginning to tape his slice on his forehead closed, he flinches just a bit, so you blow on it soothingly, earning his hands pressing against the nip of your waist, squeezing, eyes on your decolletage.

“Are you staring at my breasts!?”

“They’re in my face. Yes.” You roll your eyes. “Are you all right?”

“Yes, I am. I feel terrible for what I caused…”

“He’s not innocent, he is a grown man, and knows what he got into. I think you put too much guilt upon yourself.” Satoru’s tongue laps out at your skin, right against your collarbone, you feel your body tense at it, tummy clenching in desire.

“I hurt him.”

“I hurt you.” You look down at his perfect face, his brows together, lips pursed just so, and his endless stormy blue eyes. Every moment makes you ache, every second he stares at you, you feel yourself falling impossibly deeper.

“You did hurt me. I think I hurt you in response, however, at his expense. He brought up that I used him.”

“He clearly was in love with you, I saw it all over his face.” Satoru says, hands sliding down further, until his hands are on your outer thighs, fingers pressing in under the satin skirts. “I don’t blame him for punching me, I’m furious because I hate that he touched you, but I can’t blame him. I’d have done it too.”

“You would not have!”

“I would have for you. Why did you have to lose your virginity to a boxer, do you know how bad my ribs hurt?” He says with a glare, and suddenly you burst into laughter, as does he, hand raking through his silken white locks.

“Oh, Satoru… at least you have not slept with a boxer.”

“Or have I?” He’s grinning deviously.

“You’re ridiculous. If it makes you feel better, I regret it very much.” You get on your knees now, gently unbuttoning his tunic, checking his bruised abdomen, he winces a bit as your fingers brush against his rib cage.

“Do you regret him being your first? I thought you did not.” He’s brushing your hair now, as you press a cool patch against him, he exhales in relief.

“I regret it, even if I still do not think you deserved to be my first. I still hurt another person, and I… looking back I don’t believe I enjoyed it much.”

“Interesting take, considering you let me know how much you loved sex.” You flush now, looking back up at his gaze.

“I embellished, to rub it in. I wanted to hurt you. Like you hurt me. You brought a darkness out in me…”

“I know I did. I know.” Satoru takes the cold cloth from your hand, setting it down now, bending in his seat as you kneel between his spread thighs, brushing your hair back delicately. “I still hate him for touching you, for having you first. I only did not kill him because I love you so fucking much. I know you care for him.”

“I do care. He is not a bad person, Satoru, he’s a good person.”

“Perhaps he is, but do you know what I realized?” Satoru’s thumb traces your lip now, swollen from biting it so much.

“What is that?”

“He’s not in your heart.”

“No, he is not. It’s got a rather slutty and whorish Duke overtaking it.” Satoru raises a brow at that, your fingers are caressing delicately where he is bruised, over his perfect muscles, flexing as he sucks in a breath.

“Perhaps you should make it up, your former lover punching my pretty face.” You snort then. “You think I’m jesting, bratty girl?”

“Indeed, you are. You deserved a hit for being terrible.” Satoru reaches down now, unbuttoning his trousers, his hard, thick length slapping his belly button, and you feel heat pooling between your thighs.

“Open your mean little mouth.” He orders softly, you shift on your knees as he sits up, obediently opening your mouth, for him to grab your hair, shoving his cock inside of it. “Oh fuck… your mouth is so…”

“Mmm…” You’re moaning as he is, sucking on his cock and looking right into his eyes, the most heady thing, his huge hands enwrapping in your locks as you suck him greedily, feeling him hitting the back of your throat.

“Take all of it, Princess.” He whispers now, and you pull back with a pop, saliva dripping in strings from his pretty tip.

“All of it!?”

“Relax that throat, you can do it.” You struggle to breathe through your nose now, taking more and more of him with every sloppy stroke, now he’s fucking your face and throat, and you can’t stand how good it feels. He hisses then as you sink all the way down, throat bulging with him, his hand touches it now. “That’s it, slutty throat, she can take me.”

You press even deeper, feeling him stretch and burn your throat now, nose flush against the thin white patch of his hair, he’s whimpering now, your eyes are watering, but you continue, sucking him, over and over, cunt dripping wet as your hands brace on his thighs for stability. You feel him thickening now, as he bucks up into your throat, rougher and rougher.

“Th-that’s it… Princess you… s’good, f-fuck…” He's falling apart, using your throat to bring himself closer and closer. “Bet he didn’t use you like this, bet he was all sweet, hmm?”

You glare and he’s lost it, cupping your face and moving more and more, mumbling incoherently.

“I’ll use your bratty fucking mouth, so you can’t talk, what do you think?” He slaps your cheek gently, you’re moaning more against him now, urging him on. “Fuck every memory out of your pretty head.”

You want to tell him, they’re already long gone, that all there is now is him, even when he’s speaking like this, it just makes you want him more, the duality of him, so dirty but sweet. Fucking you so brutally one moment to worship your entire body the next, calling you a beautiful Princess then a slutty brat. You want it all, you want every bit of the Duke.

“Going to drink up all my seed, aren’t you? Greedy little whore.” He mutters now, fucking your throat harder, you gasp for breath as he pummels it, reaching down to touch yourself, you’re so wet and needy. “No.”

Satoru yanks your fingers up like he did last time, leaving you to whine out, as he sucks on them greedily, continuing to pump your mouth.

“She is mine, only I touch her, unless I tell you to.” Satoru moans louder now, hips stuttering. “You’re so wet already I bet. Think I should touch you?”

You shake your head, sucking harder, saliva and precum dripping down his veiny cock, and his eyes are dilated, so dark, eyes lidded as he watches you suck him, throat hurting so bad tears are pouring. But you’re wetter now, grinding against nothing, wanting him so badly you can’t think, like he is fucking your brain, like he has been since you first kissed him truly.

“If you take all this cum and swallow I’ll touch you, greedy little Princess. Can you do it?” You simply suck harder, glaring, and he smirks. “Such a good- fuck!”

Satoru’s pumping now, all his hot gooey cum pouring down your throat, you swallow it hungrily. His cock slows now, backing away, throbbing as you swirl your tongue around it, looking into his eyes as you take him all. You’re gulping all of his seed down, lapping more and more up out of the little hole on his tip, now he’s panting, hands shaking.

“Oh my… you…” Satoru pulls out with a suctioned pop, his cock glistening with all of your spit. “Open up.”

You eagerly do, tongue out, and he moans.

“Fuck you took it all. Perfect, pretty, slutty Princess.” He picks you up off your knees now, bringing you against him, between his legs, cock still semi hard as it falls against his pelvis, nestled against his white pubic hair.

“Did I make it up to you, Duke?” You tease softly, coughing just a bit and rubbing your now sore throat.

“Oh you did. Took me so good, you’re so good for me. I want to be all you ever think about, I want to consume your fucking mind.” He whispers now, standing and looming so tall over you now, his shirt half opened, his pants undone, hair falling so messy.

“You stupid man.” He glares, as you do. “You think you don’t already consume me!? You think you’re not my every waking thought? You think you’re not my madness, my obsession?”

He gasps now, eyes darting back and forth across your face, hands squeezing your head so tight you wince. “You feel it too? The… insanity?”

“I feel it, Satoru. I’m insane for you, insane to be with you. You are all that is here.” You put his hand on your head. “And all that is here.” Now you put his hand on your heart. “And… all that is here.” You take it and press it lower, your lower tummy now, earning his molten gaze, slender nostrils flaring. “All I ever want is you.”

“You’re all I will ever want. You’re everything to me. Please, please stay, please…” He’s tearing up now, and you nod, feeling his every emotion.

“I’m not going anywhere, foolish Duke.”

“God I love you.” He slams his lips on yours finally, and you feel it, the blood pouring from his lips, you back away carefully.

“Your wound-”

“Look at you, covered with me.” He moans now, swiping the blood across your lips, you feel it so warm and you taste it, like copper.

“You’re fucking insane.” He smirks now, leaning forward again.

“I am, but so are you, Princess. Aren’t you?” You just nod weakly, and he’s kissing you again, taking over every part of your body and soul, you tremble as his tongue entwines with yours, tasting himself off your lips, now mixed with the bit of blood still falling. “You’re mine, all mine. Say it, Princess.”

“You just fucked my throat is that not enough?” He laughs, picking you up, wincing. “You should not, you’re hurt.”

“Fuck all that, I care not, I just want you to say it.” Satoru is now carrying you over to the chaise lounge in the room, laying you down, sliding up your skirts inch by inch, making you tremble. “Say that you’re mine.”

“I am yours.” You whisper, earning his two fingers sinking easily into your slick cunt, he moans at it, as you cry out weakly, hips arching up for him.

“Feel her, soaked from sucking me. Has anyone got you this wet?” He leans over you, fucking your gummy walls with his fingers, in and out, bringing you to the brink of pleasure so quickly, goosebumps scatter across every inch of your skin. You cling to his open shirt, shaking your head. “Only me, then say it.”

“Only you… and you… have you cum so hard… for anyone?” You demand, yanking him down and glaring, he shakes his head now, blue eyes on fire, touching you as much as those long fingers do.

“Never, no one compares to you. They are nothing. Nothing.” You cry now, as his words overtake you, words you need, words you crave. He’s slamming his lips back down your cheek, your neck, as his elbow bends and he fucks you with his fingers, loud in the manor with the squelching wetness of your cunt.

“I love you, Satoru.” You say between tears, he moans at that, forehead resting on yours, one hand cupping your face as his other presses up, hitting your spot, your back arches and you scream out.

“Beautiful, fucking love you. Love how you feel. Cum on my fingers, slutty Princess, please. Soak them.” He whispers against your lips, and his thumb hits your neglected clit, you shatter. “That’s it, good girl, good girl.”

“Satoru!” You scream now, burying your head against his chest as his fingers ease, you’re spasming around them, gushing arousal everywhere, body on fire with pleasure, so intense you feel like you’re floating. He sucks on his fingers, moaning now, before unlacing your bodice, revealing your breasts, which bounce out for his hungry eyes.

“All mine, every bit of you.” He says, and you descend further into the madness that is Duke Satoru Gojo, when he is suckking on a peak of your breast, looking at you under lowered lashes, mouth latched on tightly as he flicks his tongue, fingers curling up on your spot and hitting again, again, again.

You’re a mess as he’s sliding up your skirts, fingers circling your engorged clitoris now, your hands cling to his broad shoulders as he’s pressing you into the chaise lounge, firm cushions against your back, his hot mouth on your neck, suckling hard, leaving a mark that’ll be there for days. He’s taking you over now, all of you, and you never want him to let go.

Your breathing is erratic, and your eyes are rolling back as his hand works you, you’re so wet his fingers slip, while his teeth are sharp, grazing your skin and bruising, leaving a trail of his marks. “Want to mark you everywhere.”

“Mnh!”

“Everywhere. Your body belongs to me.” He says then, you feel him hard and hot against your thigh, and fuck you’re lost in him, lost in the feeling of his hand, lost in the sound of his moans in your ear, the breath tickling you and just serving to make your desire more and more intense.

Satoru kisses your cheek now, so sweetly, before he heads down to your collarbone, his hand moving faster as it works you so well, his thumb pressing harder, biting the thin skin over your chest, hurting and bruising you instantly. You’re so close, so close to the edge, your toes curling in your delicate slippers, fingers clinging now in his silky hair.

“Cum again for me, Princess, let me feel it, let me hear it, I want it all for myself.” He whispers, and you do, of course you do. Your orgasm hits so hard your hips buck back, getting so overstimulated, mouth wide open in a scream.

As your orgasm subsides, his hand slows, and he kisses you deeply, his tongue dancing with yours, cupping your face. “Satoru, please…”

“Please what, slutty girl?” He hums those words, taking his fingers off you and sucking on them, cheeks hollowing.

“Fuck me. Please.” You’re begging, but you truly do not care, you crave him so badly.

“Fuck you, hmm?” He teases, you pout. “You’re cute.”

“Satoru! I sucked you off so good, you promised.”

“You’re impatient.” Satoru’s stripping you of your dress now, then your undergarments and chemise, even your slippers, leaving you bare for his hungry gaze. “Let me take my time with you.”

You obey, when he’s looking at you like that, when his hands are trailing down your body, every inch, then you gasp as he flips and bends you over, pulling you up on your knees, making you tremble. You’ve not been on your knees like this, though the desk was quite similar, you peer back at him, he’s kneeling on the lounge, head low, huge hands spreading your ass apart.

“Satoru we haven’t… um…”

“I can see all of your pretty cunt like this.” He whispers, now spreading the puffy lips of your pussy, and the softness of his kisses up your thighs turn to something more urgent as he moves up to your inner thigh, and you feel his hot breath against your entrance, making you jerk and him chuckle. “So pretty.”

“Ngh!” You cry out when he kisses the slit of your cunt, his tongue darting out to taste you, making you jolt. His mouth kisses down to your clit, his tongue circling and flicking, making you gasp and whine out. “Toru!”

“That’s it, let me taste you, Princess. Let me taste how much you loved swallowing me.” He whispers, your eyes roll back at how good he feels, at what his fucking words do to you. Now Satoru’s huge hands hold your thighs open as you try to clamp them shut from the intensity.

You're so sensitive from his earlier ministrations you can barely stand his little teasing flicks, each one sends sparks through your body, you’re so weak you damn near fall apart from just a few, then when he’s burying his face into your cunt you’re shattering, back arching, ass pressing against his face.

“Oh, that’s it, arch f’me.”

"S’too much!” You cry out, but he just smiles against you, you feel the upturn of his lips.

“Just getting started, Princess. Let me reward you, you took my cock in that throat so good.” Satoru doesn't relent, no his tongue working you faster, his teeth grazing your sensitive flesh, when he bites down on your clit, the pain and pleasure so fucking blinding you cum right then.

“F-fuck!” You scream out, gushing arousal all down his face, you can hear him drinking you up, hear him slurping you as if he needs every damn drop.

You're on the edge again, and he knows it. He takes your clit into his mouth, sucking hard as his fingers slide into your wetness. You're so close, you can feel it building, and just when you think you can't handle anymore, he slams his fingers into you, curling them just so, and you're falling over the edge again, three of them stretching you beyond your limits.

“Please, please, please!”

“So desperate for my cock, hmm? Needy, slutty girl.” You just whimper, arching your ass out for more.

“Please!”

“Cum once more, I’ll give it to you.” He says softly, teeth nipping an ass cheek as he curls those three fingers, making your pussy gush when the orgasm hits, and you’re shaking violently, pussy pulsing around him. “Oh, you’re so ready.”

“Will you fuck me Satoru!? Or will you keep running your- ah!” Duke Gojo shoves his long cock in you then, curved tip smashing your cervix, making you shatter, cumming all over his cock so quickly, he laughs softly, hands pressing into the dimples of your back.

“Fuck you’re easy.”

“Just… just… fuck me.” Satoru moans then, slamming his cock into you, in this position it’s so deep you can hardly stand it, you’re already drooling when his tall body leans over you, overtaking you, long fingers of one hand wrapping your little throat as he fucks you so deep. “T-Toru…”

“Love that name from your perfect fucking mouth.” Satoru shoves two fingers in your mouth now, two that had been so deep in your cunt, you suck yourself off him, as he fucks into you harder, long, slow, powerful strokes that wreck you.

Satoru raises a knee now, planting a foot on the floor as leverage to fuck your pussy deeper, so deep it hurts, but you crave it, you need it, drooling all over his long fingers as his cock wrecks you. Your walls flutter all around his thick cock, dripping down his length, his balls smacking that overstimulated clit as he wrecks you, stretches you, fills you.

There’s nothing but him, you cannot even fathom that there ever was anything but this, as badly as you want to resent him, to feel hurt, it’s all too good, you with him, you around him, him inside you. And he’s not just inside your pussy, no he’s in you completely, feel him in your stomach, in your throat damn near, stroking your entire body with each thrust.

Your breasts are shaking with each one, jiggling just so, as your ass jiggles when his pelvis smashes against it, and now he removes his fingers, bringing you to your knees, choking your throat tighter. He’s looking right at you as you’re close again, squeezing the oxygen out of your throat, but Satoru has always done that, he’s always taken your fucking breath away.

“Feel s’fucking perfect, perfect pussy, perfect body.” He grips your tit with his other hand, squishing it now before smacking it, you cry out in pleasure. “You like it, me ruining you, don’t you?”

You can’t answer, you just arch up for more, raising and lowering your thighs, sinking your pussy down onto his cock, while his hands explore every inch of you. Your head falls back against his chest, hair splaying softly across it, Satoru should be sore, he’s been hit, but he’s fucking into you without a grunt of pain, only groans of pleasure while your slick pools.

You’re a sticky, sloppy little mess for him, and he relishes in it, quiet chuckles and then soft cries in each of your ears when he presses you back to your knees, pulling your hips up so he can fuck you better, harder, deeper. Impossibly deep, you hear the smacks of his skin while he does, while he relentlessly fucks you, tip dragging against that spongy spot in your walls.

“Fuck look at you.” Satoru smacks your ass cheeks, each one, over and over, marking them with his hand prints, thickening in your cunt now. “This won’t do, I need to see your face when you cum.”

Satoru has you flipped on your back so quickly you’re breathless, he’s laying over you, sweat dripping on his face, his blood dried against his pretty pink lips, eyes mad as they stare at you. He grabs your thigh, sliding it over his broad shoulder, the sole of your foot pressing into his collar bone, your legs are too fucking short for his long body.

“You are mine. Say it, Princess.” He says now, tip brushing your swollen clit, you gasp at it, hands sliding up to cup his face.

“I am yours, my Duke. Yours.” He moans, shoving his cock in your aching little hole again, even slicker and easier entry, his head thrown back, you watch the strong muscles of his throat and shoulders as he works over you, moaning. “You are mine, say it.”

His eyes lock, his expression serious, leaning lower, cock rocking against just that spot, making you tremble, jaw locking in pleasure. “Oh, I am yours, Princess, all fucking yours. I’ll do anything to keep you.”

“Oh… I want to stay…” You blink back your emotion when he lays firm over you, your breasts squished under his firm chest.

“If you did not, I’d chain you up in my dungeon. Keep you.” You scowl, and he grins, taking a breath. “What, I’d still fuck you all the time.”

“Y-you’re…stupid… ah!” Satoru fucks you so deep and hard you can’t tell where he ends and you begin, it’s all too heady and overwhelming, when his eyes lock on yours, and you’re moaning so loud with him.

“Keep your attitude and find out.” You clamp your cunt down now, laughing breathless as he lets out a strangled moan, pulling back. “Slutty brat.”

“Arrogant manwhore. C’mere.” You yank his mouth down to yours, and you kiss so sloppy, tongues entwined as you clutch his white hair, as he rolls his hips and groans into your mouth.

“Where do you want me to cum, Princess? Want me to fill your greedy little cunt up again?” You nod shyly, he smirks, even as his cock wrecks you, this motherfucker just smirks. “Fill your stomach up?”

He presses it now. “Yes, yes, yes.”

Satoru exhales now, pressing your leg up high and pounding your cunt so good, over and over, stretching you to fit him. “Made f’me, made… say it.”

“For you.” You finish weakly, finally he’s pulsing inside you, thickening and pouring all that hot gooey cum that had been in your throat in your cunt instead, he’s crying out as he does, mouth wide open in an O, as you cum just from feeling his hot seed coat your walls, shaking as you grind up against him.

“Feel so good around me, god you’re… I’ve never…” Satoru’s murmuring little nonsensical words in your ear, brushing your hair back as he bites your neck and groans, pumping his cum further and further in your sore cunt, that’s milking him for everything.

“I… I… love you.” You whisper now, breathy and weak, and he exhales, tickling your skin with it, leaning up just a bit and cupping your face, feeling your aftershocks gripping him.

“I will never deserve you, Princess. But guess what?”

“Wh-what?”

“I’ll fuck you so good you forget.” He smirks now, pushing his cum deeper, but your cunt is already making most of his cum drip back down his cock, his balls, down on this fancy chaise lounge.

“Conceited…”

“Can’t even finish your sentence. You love my cock too much.” You snort now, rolling your hips, watching him gasp.

“You love my pussy too much.” You counter.

“Oh I do.” He kisses you again, deeply, over and over, brushing his hands down your skin softly, he exhales now, easing as he studies you. “Does it scare you?”

“What, Satoru? The feelings we share?”

“No… if you’re with child… Do you think I’ll be a terrible father?” He’s emotional, you feel it, radiating off him. You shake your head, swallowing carefully.

“No, not at all. Satoru, if you do not wish to have children yet, we can stop that part, there are things I’ve heard I can take… to not become pregnant.”

He shakes his head, stroking your cheek, still nestled inside you, softer now, your body is wrapped around him. “I’m just terrified. I want to give you anything you wish for, anything at all.”

“But do not go against everything to do so.” You say softly, your hands caressing up and down his strong back. “You need not sacrifice everything for me, because of your guilt.”

“It is not my guilt that craves this.” He presses a hand on your tummy, hot and burning against your slick skin. “It’s something far more primal. But when I have a moment to think, I am still in fear.”

“Then we can stop for now-”

“But do you want children?”

“Yes, but… I can wait. This is new, and we are still young.”

“You sacrificed too much already.” Satoru’s voice is hoarse and emotional when he eases out of you, fluids dripping down between you both.

“I know you will be an amazing father, but I can wait. Do you want to give it time and see if we…”

“Could we?” You nod. “How soon would you know?”

“I will get my monthlies in a few days time, so soon we will know. We can be careful until then. I do not want you to be a father before you’re ready.”

“I just don’t deserve any of you.” Satoru whispers, kissing your forehead now, over and over. “I will be the best father I can be if you are. But I want to become better before I father a child.”

“You already are becoming better.” You smile up at him now, and he sighs, kissing your lips over and over gently, as you daydream about it, about a baby with him, it’s too soon surely, but it make you ache.

The next week

Opera house

“Satoru, stop!” You hiss out a whisper as you both are sitting in a box seat, up high watching the opera below. Satoru’s hand is slipping up your thigh under your skirts as you’re staring into the little binoculars, watching the depiction of Hamlet, your thighs clench with desire as he brushes up and down your skin.

He leans in close, mouth brushing your ear. “Then why are you so hot for me, hmm, Princess?”

His hand slips up higher, making you flush in the dark theater, you feel yourself gushing and he’s not even near you, so much it’s inane. You actually pause just a bit, as your tummy clenches, and you feel some twinge of pain, all while your husband, the Duke Gojo, has his fingers slipping higher and higher. You all had this box practically alone, aside from your parents and Satoru’s, and Suguru and Shoko.

Suguru and Shoko were actually courting now, which made you so happy, though Satoru had been so disturbed by the idea. Eventually he came to, since he no longer has to worry about his friend kissing you of course. They are leaning close, whispering and laughing softly, no one is really paying attention to the quiet movements Satoru is making.

But…

“I must… excuse me.” You whisper, earning a concerned glint in his bright blue eyes, you rush out of the box as you start to feel it, something pouring from you now, and it’s a tell tale sign.

You rush into a room, feeling Satoru’s steps behind you, cursing as you lift up your skirts and see it then, the stain of blood dripping, indicating you were indeed not with child. Satoru and you had been careful all week, as you both truly want to make it work, you want to bring a child into your home when Satoru feels ready. So why then, are you devastated!?

Why are you sobbing now, frantically grabbing several handkerchiefs, pressing them against you as you hunch over, tears pouring down your cheeks. You should be relieved, as this was too soon, Satoru and you were just now finally being good together, open and loving, and you know he was apprehensive, so you should be happy right?

You can’t stop the sobs as Satoru enters the quiet room, looking at you with concern, locking the door behind him when he sees you. His thin white brows go together now, striding in long steps to you, holding you by your shoulders and looking down at you now, realization hitting his face.

“Are you alright?” He asks softly, stormy blue eyes searching your face, eyes that you fall deeper into every moment you breathe. You quietly look down now, where your hand still presses.

“I am not with child. That is good… right?” You whisper, tears hot and burning your eyes as they fall more and more. Satoru sighs now, shaking his head, cupping your face with one of his hands.

“I would have been happy either way. Terrified but happy.” He murmurs, instantly relieving you, the tension in your shoulders dropping as you lean against him, crying on his dark blue vest as he strokes your back. “You wanted to be.”

“I guess I did, I did not truly know until now. Satoru I’m sorry-”

“No, no. Of course you want this, everything about you wants to be a mother, it is I who am afraid, it’s I who should give you it.”

“No, it’s fine, I swear. I just need a moment.” Satoru kisses you then, passionately, over and over, even as you’re holding the cloths against you, he’s tracing his hands down your waist, over the burgundy evening gown you’re in.

“I’m really just enjoying you for now, all of you. Maybe I’m a little selfish for wanting just you longer.” He murmurs against your lips.

“You’re selfish alright, whore of a man.” You tease, sniffling, and he laughs then, nodding a bit.

“Indeed I was planning to finger you right in the theater. You’re so dramatic, ruining my fun.”

“Oh!” You shove at him playfully, the cloths dropping, you panic as he picks them up, pressing them back against you, his lips parted now. “I’m so sorry! It’s so very embarrassing.”

“It is not at all. Let’s go home.”

“But-”

“Home.” His husky voice orders. “You are not merely just upset, you’re clearly uncomfortable, I’ll not have you sitting for another two hours. Now agree or I’m carrying you out and causing a spectacle.”

The thought of him carrying you in front of everyone just makes you smile, and he snorts, rolling his eyes.

“You’ve hurt your ankle, go along with it.” He says now, picking you up in his arms, and just as the intermission is started, Shoko comes up with concern, as does Suguru, and Satoru’s mom.

“What is wrong dear?” Satoru’s mom asks softly.

“She hurt her ankle, Mama. I’m taking her back home.” Satoru’s hands tighten just a bit as your mother walks up now, she has said nothing to you since he told her to leave you be, a blissful reprieve.

Your hands clutch his suit nervously, he feels it, the tension in you, as he holds you close against his chest. She says nothing however, turning her attention elsewhere. Of course she doesn’t care, but it’s better than what would previously occur. Your dad frowns. “Does she need a doctor?”

“No need, I inspected it, she’s just clumsy.” Suguru and Shoko share a look, then raise their brows at you as everyone says their farewells to you both.

“Clumsy hmm?” Suguru suggests, and Shoko laughs behind her hand.

“An excuse for you two to go back to your chambers.” Shoko says, and Satoru feigns a gasp.

“How dare you, scandalous woman! Sugu, get your betrothed under control.”

“Not his betrothed yet.” Shoko nudges Suguru with her shoulder playfully, her brown eyes assessing your face carefully. “Are you alright? You look as if you’ve been crying…” She gets serious then.

“I promise I’m fine. Um… feminine things.” You whisper now, and she nods quickly, Suguru smiles at you both.

“And Satoru’s being a gentleman? Never thought I’d see the day.” Suguru pats you on the head affectionately with a little smile. “All right we will see you two for dinner later this week, yes?”

“I can’t wait!” You say with a grin.

“Take good care of her.” Shoko says, and they head back to the show, Satoru’s nuzzling your cheek as he holds you so close to him, against his chest.

You catch a glimpse then, of Satoru’s old mistress Catherine, and she smiles at you nervously, looking at you both, she’s with a Lord that you cannot remember the name of. Satoru tenses, looking away and walking quickly, but you give her a little wave that she returns, as Satoru carries you to the carriage that is sitting out front of the opera house.

You shiver a bit in the cool night as he brings you in the carriage, sitting you sideways on his lap, making you tense. “Satoru…”

“How can you wave to her?” He asks, his voice hoarse, your eyes catch his in the night as the carriage gently rocks you both, his big hands pressing on your back and tummy as he holds you firm.

“She is a sweet girl.”

He laughs darkly then. “After how I carried on with her? How on earth can you just act so calm.”

You glare now, pulling off him, only for him to yank you back. “Because I will not let our past issues define us.”

“You should hate her. You should hate me!” You glare once more now, continuing to try to pull off him. “Do you remember? That dinner…”

“Yes, of course I do. But I don't want to!” You feel the tears start again, and he gulps, shaking his head, wracking a hand through his hair, making it all disheveled as it gleams in the night.

“You want a baby with someone like me? How!”

“You’re more than your past!”

“Stop being so fucking forgiving, so fucking nice. Will you… be angrier!? Punish me!” He’s shaking you gently, you see it then, the two streaks on his cheeks. “I hate me so much right now, seeing her. I could almost forget how horrible I was, the things I did, things you don’t even know.”

Your chest heaves with your emotions, taking you over. “I don’t need to know more than I do. What, Satoru, positions you two were in!? I care not, we were not in love with each other then. We are now.”

“I can’t forgive myself yet. Not for those cruel words, not for flaunting her around and saying you were adequate when you were so beautiful.” You cup his face now, struggling to control the sobs that are escaping, as you remember the pain. “Do not comfort me, damned brat.”

“You comforted me when my former lover punched you. Satoru we are both not perfect, fuck you’re far from it.”

“You have one lover, I can’t escape all of mine.” He leans his head back against the carriage seat, you try once more to pull away, earning his icy glare. “Stop trying to move, brat.”

“Your brooding is annoying.” He laughs then, even through his emotion, you smile tremulously. “You’re feeling so sorry for yourself.”

“No, sorry for you.” His hands yank at your hair, bobby pins falling every which way, making it bounce out of its coif, as his lips are barely against yours, you feel his every breath, shifting against him now. “You saw us, I remember.”

“I did.” You whisper back, and he lets out a breath, clinging to you, hand enwrapped in your hair, your own gloved hands cling to him.

“Even then, you were all I could think of, imagining your perfect body, your perfect pussy, how your face would look as I pleased you. Fuck I wanted you even then, and I never told you. I told you lies.” He presses his lips against yours, you’re thrown even further against him as the carriage jostles on a patch of dirt outside, soon you’re hearing the pattering of light rain.

It’s just you and Satoru, a man who did those things, they still hurt you, but you’re trying to move past it, but you see it now, it tortures him more than it tortures you, the pain of hurting you, of hurting someone he loves. You watch the toll it’s taking when he pulls back, caressing your face gently with long fingers.

“You wanted me then?” You ask, and he laughs without humor, nodding, pressing his lips against each cheek, sticky from your drying tears.

“I wanted you then, but I didn’t deserve you, I still don’t. I don’t deserve you being so kind, so sweet to me. I don’t deserve to look at your pretty face every morning, as if I’m in some goddamn dream.”

“I’ll decide what you deserve. I want you Satoru, I chose you.” He rests his head against your collarbone now.

“There will be more obstacles, more women. More… problems. I am not worth-”

“You’re worth everything to me. Now shut your mouth.” He glares, earning your grin now.

“Excuse me?”

“Shut your bloody mouth. Whiny man.” His hands press deep on your waist, and you’re giggling through your tears.

“You insolent brat. If not on your monthlies I’d beat your backside.” You smile now, snuggling against him, feeling desire hot and heavy.

“If not for them I’d love to be punished. I’m afraid I’m still very…”

“Slutty.” He finishes, with a grin finally, you scoff, shaking your head. “You want to be fucked even now, don’t you?”

“N-no! That would be scandalous. I could always please you though.” You suggest, hand trailing down his abdomen, as the carriage comes to a stop, and now you’re both kissing, tongues entwining, just the thought of pleasing him makes you undeniably sensitive, throbbing even.

Satoru has you inside and undressing you before you can think, inside his bed chambers now, you’re blushing then, shaking your head. “You can’t see me right now…”

“Hush, wife.” Satoru lays you down on the bed, on your back, naked now, caressing your bare breasts as he kisses down your neck. You gasp as his thumbs brush over a nipple, bringing it taut.

“Satoru, what are you thinking?”

“Thinking my wife is a wanton little brat, who wants my cock even now.” His whisper just edges you on, and you’re arching your back.

🩸Period Scene Begins- scroll down if you don't like🩸

“Do not tease me so! Let me just suck you off- Mmm!” Satoru’s kissing down your neck, sliding his jacket off as he does, you hastily unbutton his dress shirt, looking at him nervously, curiously, flush decorating your cheeks and neck, while he peppers you with kisses all over your breasts, your collarbone, your neck, his hands slipping down your thighs.

“Do you want me, Princess?” He asks huskily, lidded gaze when he pulls back, undoing his trousers, and you bite your lip nervously, sitting up, only for him to press you back down. “Not sucking me, do you want me inside you?”

“That’s… not what is done and madness… and…” Satoru has slid a towel from his nightstand now, lifting your ass and propping it right under you, smirking down as he leans up on his arms, you gasp when you feel his mushroomed tip kissing your soaking wet entrance. “Mmm!”

“She’s so hot for me, fuck.” He groans now, leaning on one elbow, putting your leg over his hip, your heel pressing into the strong muscles of his lower back. “Do you want me to fuck you, yes or no Princess?”

“But I’m…” You look down, squeaking, seeing the bright red blood on his cock, on your inner thighs. “I…” You cling to his bare skin, arching up now, eyes locking, watching his cheeks dust pink with desire for you. “I want you.”

He moans now, kissing, pressing into you, without any play it would hurt but you’re so wet with all the blood and desire he sinks in, gasping as he fills you, the warm liquid acting as lubricant, coating Satoru’s cock in red. He pulls back and you look at it, but his eyes just watch your face, caressing it, shoving his cock back inside you, your back arches.

“You’re so tight… holy…” He’s slipping further inside you as it starts to feel so good, you can’t even be embarrassed, by the blood mixing with his precum dripping on this towel, not when it feels so good. Not when the tension in your tummy is easing with every stroke, and he’s kissing you, crying out into your lips.

You cry out back, clinging to him as he’s working his cock inside your tight entrance, she’s greedy and hungry for more of him, and when his tip starts hitting your cervix, you fall apart, gushing cum all over him, mixing with the bright red. His tongue devours your mouth as he fucks into you so slow, so good, deep strokes, fucking you through your orgasm and pushing into another.

“Satoru!” You cry out, desperately, your hands slipping down to his strong muscles of his back to grip his ass, sinking him in more and more. “It feels so good, oh my-ah!”

His eyes are dilated now, as he’s fucking into you, slamming your cervix, you hear the squishing sounds as the blood flows, pooling between you both, but he doesn’t care at all, and neither do you. You can’t remember even hurting now, your tummy has relaxed so much, being filled with him. He eases back on his knees, hands on your hips, watching his bulge move your tummy.

You watch with him, seeing the creamy ring at the base of his cock mix with you, watching Satoru’s perfect abdomen coated with light trickles of your blood, his strong hand presses your tummy now, giving you so much pressure you scream out.

“Look at me inside you. Filling you.” Satoru’s eyes are mad now, sweat dripping down his perfect chin as he presses your thigh up high, feeling his cock deep in your pelvis.

“It’s s’good… th-thank you…” You whisper, eyes rolling back, as he grabs your waist, bringing your cunt down harder on his length.

“I don’t want you to be sad. I want… you… cumming…” He’s huffing now, tip dragging on that spot, and you do just that, screaming out your pleasure, as he fucks you harder, faster, overtaking your every sense.

“L-love you… sorry I… was… wish you…” You’re nonsensical, he’s tensing a bit, but he nods now, as he works over you, pumping even deeper, face resting an inch from yours.

“No saying sorry. Oh my God I wanna fill you up with me.” He whispers, and you crave it, desire it more than anything.

“Fill me then.” You beg now. “Please, Toru, please…”

He slams his lips on yours, pumping your pussy full of him, and you’re so full, with his cum, with your arousal, the blood dripping and mixing, you’re a trembling mess as he does, as you feel him release in you after a week of not. “God it feels so good, fuck you feel so… fuck I love this…”

Satoru’s crying out now, clinging to your body so tightly you can barely breathe, and you’re trembling from aftershocks, dizzy and weak, as you gently brush his shoulders with your hands. He leans up, eyes dark now, tracing the line of your jaw with his fingertips. You both stare at each other carefully.

“I’m terrified, but I want it. Want you round with me.” He murmurs, only making your pussy throb again, earning his hiss, as he pushes in once more. “You’re maddening, intoxicating, like some drug.”

“Me a drug!? You are the drug.” You kiss him deeply, over and over, and he smiles now as he looks at you. “What is it?”

“You’re so pretty like this. All cock drunk.” You glare and he chuckles. “It’s quite fetching on you, slutty bride.”

“Oh you’re so annoying! And perverted!”

“Says the woman with cum and blood dripping down her thighs.” His hushed words make you tremble, as he eases out finally, and you squeak, earning his laugh. “It does not bother me, Princess.”

“Are you sure?” You ask softly, touching your tummy. “My cramps are all but gone somehow.”

“They are?” You nod shyly. “Then we must always do it whenever you cramp, to help, you know.”

“Oh my… as if you couldn’t get freakier. Slutty Duke.” He snorts, cleaning up your mess now, but it’s truly too much of a mess. “I’m afraid I need to bathe…”

“I’ll have them draw a bath for us.”

🩸Period scene OVER 🩸

Soon you’re in Satoru’s arms, in the scalding hot water, his hands are dripping wet as they slip up and down your skin, kissing your neck gently, making you laugh as it tickles. You feel such a bliss, even knowing you’re not with child yet, there is much time and you are enjoying him far, far too much. He’s humming something softly, making you a little curious.

“What’s that song?” You ask.

“Something I’m composing. About a demonic little succubus.”

“Oh, I’m jealous!”

“Mmm, you know it’s you. No one else would make me compose a song.” Satoru’s hands rest on your tummy gently. “You addle my mind.”

“You have fucked my mind away I’m afraid.” He snorts in laughter, burying his head against your neck, his soaking white hair dripping against your cheek. “It’s fine if I’m not with child for a while, I’m sorry I reacted like that. I don’t want to pressure you into this.”

“There’s no pressure, I’ll second guess myself until it happens, and when it happens, I’ll worry I’m not enough.” You exhale, turning and looking up at him, reaching behind you to cup his face.

“You are enough. I promise.” Satoru moans softly, kissing you over and over.

“We could have had this, from the beginning, and not have had… others interfere with it. It’s all my fault.” You cannot find the proper words to soothe him, you just kiss him again.

“Just enjoy the moment.” He nods then, hand taking your face over, shoving his tongue deeper and deeper into your mouth, more passionate with every stroke.

“He could have never handled you. Too freaky.” He says against your lips, wiggling his brows.

“Me!?”

“Yes you. Imagine, he’d probably run in fright.”

“Oh you’re ridiculous, it was your idea!”

“Mmm, and I wanna go again.” He nips your shoulder. “I can never, ever get enough of you, I swear.”

“I cannot either, Toru.”

Three days Later

The Royal Palace

“I can’t believe we’re meeting the King!” You whisper to Satoru now, and he just smiles at you, as you all wait in the decadent hall to be introduced. King Sukuna had just taken over for his twin brother who had passed away, and not much was known about him yet.

“I hear he’s a dick.” Satoru mentions, you laugh but then quickly quiet as others around you both stare at you. “So improper.”

“Oh hush, you! I can’t believe he’s granting us an audience.”

“I’m a Duke, you’re a Duchess, of course he is. Now relax, or I’ll get very jealous, you so excited for another.” You glare up at him, and he’s grinning so big, it warms your heart, it warms everything, to see him so happy, so lit up.

You adore him so much.

It’s quiet now as the King walks in, he’s joined by his younger sister, Princess Uraume, who has short white hair and is lovely in an ethereal sort of way that’s entrancing. King Sukuna himself is tall and broad, with a giant smirk and shocking light pink hair. He’s so big it’s intimidating, his sister is so tiny next to him, but then you notice who is with her, as a lady-in-waiting.

Your heart stops right in your chest, Satoru’s hand grips you so tightly you can scarcely breathe, as King Sukuna looks at you, up and down, taking his time with each inch, making you almost forget who is with his sister. She looks at you, her eyes, your eyes almost, in shock as she meets your gaze.

It’s like looking in a goddamn mirror.

“Duchess, it’s an honor to drink in your beauty, as beautiful as everyone has said across the land.” King Sukuna says, and you rip your eyes off her, as she and Satoru glare at each other. King Sukuna kisses the back of your hand, breath hot on your skin, looking up at you with dark brown eyes, almost crimson.

“Your Grace, it is my honor.” You manage to whisper back, curtseying low over his hand, earning his chuckle.

“No need for such formalities.” He does not let go of your hand, lewdly staring at you with a brow raised, then looking at Satoru, who’s frozen like a statue in shock, as he can’t rip his angry gaze off the woman who looks just like you. “Ah, the resemblance is uncanny, is it not? There must be a relation?”

“There must be. Hello there.” You say to her now, and she smirks, cruelly in fact, assessing you.

“Adelia. Hello your Grace.” She says, her voice is nothing like yours, it’s cold, it’s calculated, as is her entire demeanor.

“And Princess Uraume, hello.” You curtsey to her, she nods just a bit, staring at you curiously as well.

“Greetings, Duchess.” She says softly, and you finally look at Satoru, who squeezes the glass in his hand so hard it shatters, making the room go quiet.

Your heart is breaking as you watch him, as you feel his tension, and suddenly it’s as if everything could go wrong, your short found happiness. What if he still loves her!? What if he’ll hate you again!? What if…

What if…

Suddenly it’s as if you cannot breathe, you feel it, overtaking your chest, tightening your throat, and King Sukuna holds you carefully, concern in his formerly amused gaze as he looks at your face.

You can’t breathe.

A/N: This chap was a fkn DOOZY, Say hi to King Sukuna and bitch ass Adelia lol <3 Did you think we were done w/this story yet!? No lol. Please leave a comment if you enjoyed, or a reblog, they help so much. Ty for reading this one!!!!

Taglist: @kalopsia-flaneur @bunheadusa @7thsthings @disilluzions  @antisocialinlw @Sukunassfinger @lelsforlino @heeknow @muvasuperior @prince-wyiilder @lavender-hvze @ssetsuka  @labelt-san  @sadmonke @philiatothephobia @ambiguouslady42 @stromynight @dreamygirli3 @jazlenekasi @victoriaaaa00 @wuvnada @valleydoli @nanasukii28 @sw3etnena @dark-agate @tamaki-simp @yuuuumii @givluv2tyy @airandyeah @chiyokoemilia @webshooterrr9 @miizuzu @thikcems @erensblackwife @murayamayoshiki-lovergurl @blue-musingss @huuuhwhaat @makingtimemine @saccharinesatoru @sunnyviewsblog

Part Thirteen

[woso-dreamzzz]

Gone VI

Pernille Harder x Teen!Reader

Part of The Big Adventures Universe:

Summary: Your first night alone in London

You don't go with your mothers back to the airport.

Their flight is late in the evening and they don't want to interrupt your sleep schedule.

So, after dinner, they say their goodbyes and leave.

Your apartment, which was once welcoming and warm, goes cold in an instant, like Magda and Pernille leaving has sucked all the warmth and sun out with them.

You just sit on your sofa in silence, unsure of what to do with yourself now.

You try to watch a bit of tv but it's all in English and makes you miss the familiar Swedish back home. You try to play a few games on your phone but you've been stuck on this one level for a few weeks now and get frustrated easily, throwing your phone down on the cushions next to you.

You think about reorganising everything but it's only recently been unpacked and you don't want to ruin all of Momma and Morsa's hard work.

You sigh, trying to relax back against the sofa but you just can't get comfortable, shifting around anxiously whenever you feel a hint of comfort. You back is ramrod straight and you keep glancing around like you expect someone to be in the room with you.

You get up, sighing. You don't know why you're suddenly so restless but you pace the length of the room before dipping into the kitchen. You've already eaten dinner and you're not actually that hungry but you still poke around in your now full stocked cupboards and fridge for something even mildly interesting.

In the end, you end up right back on the sofa, knee bouncing.

You reach for your phone again, just as in incoming call comes in.

"Hi, Momma."

Pernille's face fills the screen, happy and smiling. You can hear the hustle and bustle of the airport around her but you don't really care either way, even if you have to lean closer to the phone to fully hear what she's saying.

"We just got through security and everything," She says," Magda's around here somewhere trying to get some food. I told her that it's all overpriced but, you know her, she'll do what she thinks is best."

It's completely normal, the words she's saying, the almost teasing bite to her voice but it still makes your throat close up a little.

It makes you want to cry.

It makes you want to sob down the phone and beg her to come back. it makes you want to bow out of your contract with Arsenal and go home and quit football all together so you can stay with Momma and Morsa forever and never leave their sides.

But you don't do that because, deep down, you know you don't want to quit football and you know you want to play for Arsenal.

So, you force yourself to just look at Pernille's face, to memorise every line and angle and the shape of her features because you know that it'll be a while until you see her in person again.

"Well," You say, forcing your voice to remain unchanged, to not give away just how close you are to bursting into tears," You know Morsa. She'll try and swindle a discount somehow."

Pernille laughs, a fond eye roll appearing on her face that you memorise too. "I keep telling her if we just go to the lounge then we get complimentary food but she says that stuff is just fancy for no reason." She shakes her head. "Honestly, sometimes I think she likes spending money for the sake of spending money."

"She's got you to keep her in line though," You say and Pernille smiles.

"I suppose so." There's silence for a moment and then," Well, I just called to let you know that we're all checked in. Boarding won't be for another few hours and you should be in bed by that point."

"Are you giving me a bedtime?" You tease. You have to force yourself to tease because the thought of your mothers getting on that plane and leaving you in England by yourself is enough to rip your heart to shreds.

"Well," Pernille says," If that's what you think then I can't stop you."

You smile at her. "That's exactly what you're doing."

She smiles back. "I love you and we'll come and visit soon, okay?"

"I love you too, Momma."

You go through the motions of getting ready for bed. You shower. You change. You pull back the covers and slip in. You put your phone on charge.

Then...

You just kind of lay there, unmoving as you stare up at your dark ceiling. There's no other sounds in your apartment.

At home, there was always some kind of sound. Sometimes Momma clearing stuff away or Morsa talking on the phone. There was always something but now there's nothing.

You've never felt so alone in your life.

Some sort of foreign wounded sound spills out from your throat as the tears finally roll down your cheeks.

You don't think you can do this.

[cassie48]

𝗛𝗶𝘀 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝗲𝗻

King Hal x fem reader.

A/N: In which the king isn’t happy with how his wife, the queen is treated.

(O.O)(O.O)(O.O)(O.O)(O.O)(O.O)(O.O)(O.O)(O.O)(

You were chosen to be queen. Hal himself wanted you. But, in some ways, a lot of ways actually, you felt you weren’t meant to be a queen. You were very quiet and innocent, to scared to correct someone or stand up for yourself.

Now, Hal was always there to stand up for you, he was really very protective of you. He threatened men that mocked you, and declared to the people of England that you were his wife, and that they must accept that.

On this particular day, you were sat on a bench in a secluded area of the gardens, hiding from everyone, crying. Earlier that day there had been an incident, leading you to hide away from your husband and those he would send to look for you.

You had been on a stroll, earlier that day. You often went on strolls when Hal would have meetings. On this particular morning, you bumped into a man that served Paul. He was a sort of advisor and helped him stay in order. George, was his name.

You had never really warmed to him, as he constantly made you uncomfortable. He would send you odd looks, when Hal wasn’t looking, sometimes in places that no man but Hal should be looking.

“Sorry George” You said looking at the ground.

“Oh it’s fine your majesty, it’s my fault” he said with a disgusting smirk.

“Do you know where Hal is?” Your sweet voice said, wanting to see your husband.

“He’s busy right now” he told you.

You nodded turning to continue on your walk, when his voice continued.

“I could accompany you, you know” George said not even bothering to address you respectfully.

“Oh, it’s fine, really” you said going to turn.

“Are you sure, I’d like to” he said, clearly wanting you to agree to go with him.

“No really, it would be…improper” you said, with a polite smile, trying to leave.

But, to your shock, he grabbed your upper arm roughly, tracing his finger over your body.

“From what I’ve heard, you’re quite the improper girl” he whispered, his fingers sickly travelling all over you.

“W-What?” You said your voice trembling, pulling back slightly, but it didn’t work.

“The men talk, say that you’ve been quite 𝘐𝘮𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘳” he said with a menacing smile.

This was when you lost it, you stared to ball your eyes out, ripping yourself away from his hold, running off to hide in the gardens, crying as you did, that’s where you found the little bench.

(O.O)(O.O)(O.O)(O.O)(O.O)(O.O)(O.O)(O.O)(O.O)(O.

At that same time, Paul was leaving his meeting room, going to see you in your chambers. This was a daily routine for him, he truly loved him.

But a scowl made its way on his face when you weren’t there. “Where is the queen?” He yelled at the servants in the room.

“We, aren’t sure, your majesty” a man answered staring at the ground in fear.

“Is it not your job to take care of her when I’m not?” He yelled rage dripping from his voice as he grew more worried.

“Find her” he demanded with a cold voice.

They all scrambled, running in all directions to search for you, fearing for their lives if they didn’t.

Around an hour later, there was still no sign of you, Hal was getting very impatient. So he went to look for you himself.

He knew your favourite places in the castle and he knew one of which was the gardens, so he made his way there. He had searched almost all the gardens, until her heard a soft crying.

Hal eventually found you on that bench, as soon as he saw you, he was 𝘔𝘢𝘥.

“My love? What’s wrong?” He asked as he sat on the bench too, placing you on his lap.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, continuing to cry loudly into his chest.

“Are you hurt?” He asked with a concerned look on his face.

You nodded your head no and hugged onto him tighter, as the tears fell down your face.

“Love, you have to tell me what’s wrong, so I can fix it” he said kissing your head.

“It was…g-george” you cried.

“What about 𝘎𝘦𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦?” He said, his face suddenly becoming cold.

“He, he said I was an improper lady! And h-he was touching me Hal” you hiccuped.

Hals phase froze in anger and shock. George was in the room when Hal first threatened everyone about going near his wife. He made it very clear she was to be shown respect. George was one of his most trusted men. 𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦.

“I’ll deal with him, this won’t happen again” he said kissing your hand.

You eventually lifted your head from his chest, as he wiped your tears from your cheeks.

“C-Can we go for a walk?” Your gentle voice asked.

“Of course, anything for you” Hal answered lifting her off his lap onto the ground, and taking her hand in his.

They walked the grounds talking about everything and anything, happy to be in each others company.

You hugged his side, yawning, suddenly becoming very tired.

“Do you want to retire” he said, his arm around your waist.

You only nodded in response, and you both headed back to your chambers.

He ordered the maids to run a bath for you, before kissing you softly, telling you he had something to take care of, and he’d be back later.

Around one hour later, you lay in the bath, the bubbles covering your naked body, and your eyes closed, enjoying the heat.

The door swung open to reveal your husband once more, but this time with blood on his hands.

“Hal?” Your little voice squeaked.

“It’s not my blood, I only took care of something that needed to be handled” he said sitting beside you, and giving you a kiss on the forehead.

You nodded, your eyes heavy as you leaned into his touch. You yearned to be in bed.

Hal caught onto this, and ordered the maids to help you prepare for bed, and get into your nightdress.

“What did you do to him, George I mean” you whispered, playing with your fingers.

Hal smiled before saying “I taught him a lesson” and giving you a long kiss, and bidding you goodnight.

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘭𝘭,

𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘦𝘯.

A/n

I hope you all enjoyed, I’ve been wanting to write for Hal for some time now so finally I did!!

[futfemfantasies]

Her name // Alessia Russo ~ Lionesses!reader

Italics = flashbacks

TW: spain not winning the wc, disgusting pregnancy cravings, pure Lessi girl fluff

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“But baby can’t you just tell me what it starts with?” Alessia whined as she laid her head in your lap, kissing your heavily pregnant bump in the process. 

“You said it was my choice since you got the last name. You’ll know in three weeks. Now, your daughter wants a pickle and peanut butter sandwich. Can you make her one?”

“You and your weird cravings mia ragazza (my girl)” She mumbles into your bump before getting up, kissing you on the way out. While Alessia makes your daughter her weird sandwich, your mind drifts off to how you got to this position. 

You transferred from Barcelona at 25, wanting to have a little bit more of a challenge in your league career. Alessia joined two years prior to your arrival and was smitten from the moment she met you. Kyra, Lotte and Emily gave her so much shit for not acting on her feelings. It wasn’t until an impressive half a season that you went to your second Lionesses camp, which is surprisingly the World Cup. 

Sitting alone on a little secluded beach next to the hotel got you thinking about many things. A few of your teammates were playing beach football and you watched, even though they attempted many times to play. You snuggle into your hoodie more as the sun sets and cold temperature appears for the night. A crunch of a branch makes you turn to see the blue eyed, blonde haired beauty you’ve grown to love. Alessia sits next to you in the little cave and drapes the blanket over the both of you, making her close to you. 

“I saw you out here in just your hoodie and shorts so I thought you could use this”

“That’s so thoughtful, thank you Lessi”

You two talk for hours and hours, you missed the texts and calls from your teammates. It wasn’t until you see flashlights that you know it’s late. You both get up and walk with Rachel and Millie back to the hotel. 

A few weeks later is the final of the world cup and you and Alessia are starting up front. The Spanish are putting up a good fight after scoring in the 29th minute, courtesy of Olga. Hemp scores early in the second half, levelling the score. England have a corner in what could be the last play of the game and you and Alessia are standing next to each other.

“You have this, go for it”

The hand is raised. Focus is on the ball. You can see it’s headed straight for you so you time your jump perfectly and head the ball towards the goal. You couldn’t believe it. You might have won the world cup for your country. The familiar swoosh of the net was heard and you ran to the corner post doing a salsa dance celebration before the team dogpile you. The ref blows her whistle to restart and tears are forming in your eyes as you look at the screen that shows 95:00. There was only six minutes of added time. England hold off the Spanish for another minute and then the final whistle is blown.

You are a world champion.

You won it for your country. 

Falling to the ground, you start crying until you feel arms around your shoulders.

“You’ve done well Y/N. Go celebrate with your friends” Sarina pulls you up and into a hug before you run off to the one person you want to celebrate with. 

You see Alessia in the distance hugging it out with Ella and on your way over, you are stopped by multiple Barcelona and English players congratulating you. Alessia catches your eye and runs over to you, hugging you tightly. 

“We did it!” You say with all the adrenaline running through your veins. 

“I could kiss you right now”

“I dare you”

Alessia smashes her lips on yours and you don’t regret it one bit. 

“Best day ever”

“Baby, princess, anyone home?” Alessia asks as she taps your temple gently with her pointer finger.

“Sorry, thanks my love” You give her a soft kiss as she sits next to you and pulls you in between her legs. 

“What were you thinking about?”

“The world cup final” Alessia smiles at that memory, one of her favourites.

Three and a half weeks later at 2:30 in the morning, you went into labour. You immediately started to freak out but Alessia calmed you down with some breathing exercises and words of encouragement. A short 14 hours later, your baby girl came out screaming her little lungs away. Alessia cuts the cord and the nurses asks her if she wants to hold her. Alessia whispers that she wants you to hold her first. The nurse takes her over to you and you move the gown for skin to skin contact. 

You hold your little girl and you fall in love immediately. Alessia falls in love with you all over again and shares that love to your little girl you are yet to name. You move over and gesture Alessia to sit next to you. She puts her arm behind you and runs her finger ever so gently down your princess’ small cheek.

“Hi my little Aria. I love you so much and so does your Mama. You have so many aunties that love you and two crazy but sweet uncles that can’t wait to play with you” You look at Alessia and she’s crying at the sound of her name.   

“Aria Mia Russo, meet your mama” 

You place Aria in Alessia’s arms and you lean on her upper arm. For what feels like hours, you are just staring at your bundle of joy. You give Aria a quick feed before Alessia puts her in the cot and cuddles up to you. 

“What do you think of her name?” You say tiredly.

“I think it’s beautiful, just like her mummy”

You give Alessia a kiss before the both of you get a quick nap in before the family comes to visit Aria.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

liked by alessia, ellatoone, leahwilliamson, stephcatley and 56,396 others...

ynyln: Aria Mia Russo you are our whole world 🥺❤️

view all 10,430 comments:

alessia: i love you both so much ❤️ ynyln: we love you too!

ellatoone: no way my best friends are mums 😭 alessia: you've literally know about this for 9 and a half months ...

alexiaputellas: La tía Ale necesita venir a visitarnos pronto. (Aunt Ale needs to come visit soon) ynyln: si, Aria necesita conocer a su tía española favorita 😉 (yes, Aria needs to meet her favourite Spanish aunt) albapts: hey!! 🥺😕🥲

[blackbirdswillsing]

On Gothic

a cute helpful guide on the gothic subculture that no one asked for <3

goth music springing from the late 1970s after the post punk movement was a subculture heavily inspired by the themes found in victorian gothic literature

gothic literature:

frankenstein - mary shelley

dracula - bram stoker

jekyll and hyde - robert stevenson

wuthering heights - emily bronte

rebecca - daphne du maurier

edgar allen poe <3

some keywords that come from gothic literature that can help you spot a goth song:

'dark' 'death' 'black' 'cold' 'heaven' 'hell' 'witches 'bats' 'night' 'roses' 'blood' 'church' 'forest' 'jesus' 'grey' 'horror' 'shadow' 'sacrifice' 'tears' 'ghost' 'spells' 'cry' 'love' 'haunted' 'funeral' 'cathedral'

Some other themes in a song that can help you to decide if it goth or not can be:

heavy bass

synth sounds (the song sounds like it was recorded in an empty church)

mysterious and whimsical vocals

deep vocals

lack of a (electric) guitar

The 1980's and 90's were the peak for the gothic subculture, especially in camden market, london, england

Some bands that were prominent at the time were...

Bauhaus

The Cure

Sisters of Mercy

Siouxsie and the Banshees

Christian Death

Clan of Xymox

The Cramps

Depeche Mode

New Order

Joy Division

Alien Sex Fiend

Fields of the Nephilim

Killing Joke

The Damned

Nick Cave

Softcell

Some other goth band recs:

Boy Harsher

Children on Stun

Earth Calling Angela

Molchat Doma

Forever Grey

Horror Vacui

Lebanon Hanover

London After Midnight

Male Tears

The March Violets

The Merry Thoughts

Paradise Lost

Paralysed Age

Plastique Noir

Rendez Vous

Rosetta Stone

Selofan

She Wants Revenge

Skinny Puppy

Specimen

This Cold Night

Tragic Black

Traitrs

Type O Negative

Twin Tribes

ULTRA SUNN

Xmal Deutschland

Your Funeral

The 69 Eyes

Please let me know which ones i've missed because these are just ones that I have taken from my own playlist!

The music is the number one most important part of goth subculture and you don't have to dress goth to be goth... but it sure is fun to do so! Goth fashion holds its roots in thrifting, upcycling and sustainable fashion (buying 'goth' clothes from shein, dollskill and killstar is a big no no).

Anyone can style their gothic outfits however they like but here are some examples of different styles:

Trad(itional) Goth:

Romantic Goth:

Victorian Goth:

The styles can get very similar so let me know if i’ve mixed any up!

I’ve reached the limit on the number of pictures i can add so here are some more examples of goth styles:

Corporate goth

Gothabilly

Mall Goth

Cyber Goth

J-Goth

Baby Bat

Mopey Goth

Vampire Goth

Steam punk

To end the post i'm circling back to gothic literature by listing some films too (which are often based on the books)

Everyone's beloved: Bela Lugosi in the first adaptation of Bram Stoker's Dracula in 1931

The Crow 1994 which comes with a song from The Cure

Interview with the Vampire 1994

The Rocky Horror Picture Show 1975

Edward Scissor Hands 1990

The Addams family 1991 (if he's not like gomez then i don't want him)

The Craft 1996

That's all I have for now and if you made it this far thank you so much for reading and have a nice day <3

current goth song on repeat:

[httpspedri26]

Hi can you do one with Jude with your losing me by Taylor swift like the one you did with pedri?

Your losing me- JB

Jude x reader

Angst

Send requests!

“I don’t understand what’s your problem. Y/N, it was just a party,” Jude said, rolling his eyes and taking off his jacket. “Jude, I don’t care about the party. I care that you didn’t tell me where you were going. You had me worried all night, not sleeping, waiting for you to come home,” Y/N sighed. “You don’t even answer my messages anymore, Jude!”

Jude's tone grew more frustrated. "Can't you see I need some space?" he snapped. He picked up his jacket again and turned around to leave the room.

“Jude, where are you going?” Y/n rubbed her eyes and sighed as she got out of bed.

“I’m leaving y/n I’m going to a friends house” he said as he slammed the door.

She for the first time in months y/n didn’t feel her heart break anymore. Because she was so used to him leaving the house now.

And he was losing her.

As Y/N looked around the room, she remembered why she and Jude had chosen this house - because of this exact room. They loved it cause of the light.

But now she sits in the dark and wonders if it’s time. Does she throw out everything they built of keep it?

She’s getting tired even for the little things now.

The next morning, Y/N woke up with her eyes puffy and red. She reached out, hoping to find Jude beside her, but all she felt was the cold emptiness of the bed. As she sat up, a heavy sigh escaped her lips.

She quickly got up and went through her morning routine. As she finished her breakfast, the sound of the front door opening caught her attention. "Hey," Jude greeted, making his way into the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Hey, where were you?" Y/n asked, her gaze fixed on her plate.

"Y/n I don't really want to do this right now," Jude sighed, shutting the fridge door. Y/n furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"I just asked a simple question, Jude."

"Yeah, well, I don't want to talk. What part of that don't you understand?"

Taking a deep breath, she set down her fork and stood up, walking over to him. “Jude, we can’t keep avoiding this. Whatever’s going on, we need to talk about it.”

Jude’s shoulders tensed, his gaze fixed on the floor. “I just need some space, Y/n. Can’t you respect that?”

"Jude, I am! I've been giving you space for months. I'm tired, Jude, months!" Y/n snapped, as she glared at him.

"Jude, you're losing me. It feels like you've stopped trying in this relationship. I'm tired of being the only one putting in any effort here," Y/n admitted, her heart heavy. The once-quickened pulse she used to feel around Jude had now turned into a dull ache of frustration and disappointment.

"I try, Y/n. Everything I do is try," Jude whispered, tears streaking down his cheeks. He quickly wiped them away with the back of his hand.

"Yeah, well, you don't show it, Jude. You go out to meet your friends and vanish for hours without a single text. Last time, you didn't even come back home. Do you think I slept that night, Jude? I was worried sick, thinking something had happened to you," Y/n's voice cracked, she was trying to not cry she didn’t want Jude to see her cry, not for him.

“Jude I’ve been sending you signals every single day that I was falling out of love with you, and you just sent them away”

Did she really fall out of love? That was the only thing running through Jude’s mind, that was all he could think about.

“I gave you everything I could Jude, I moved to Spain with you, I left my family behind, I gave you more than I thought I could ever give someone” Jude finally found the courage to look at her in the eyes, Big mistake.

he saw his favorite honey colored eyes bloodshot, he could see the sadness in them, and that tore him apart.

“Don’t ignore me Bellingham”.

“I think it’s best if you just go back to England y/n/n”

And that’s what she did.

[reminiscingtonight]

Make It Better

Leah Williamson x Reign!Reader

Word Count: 591

A/N: Just a short blurb because I'm sad and apparently I like writing when I'm sad

[WOSO Masterlist]

You’re sitting on mahogany seats when she calls. 

Your head’s dropped down against your hands, a duffle bag thrown on the floor underneath your feet.

You’re tired and cold and just so fucking sad when she calls.

“I just saw what happened. What can I do to help?”

What can I do to help. Not are you okay or any attempts at consoling you. 

What can I do to help.

Because Leah’s a footballer just like you. She knows exactly how it feels to lose a championship game. To be so close to achieving your dreams and then having them crumble to dust right in front of you.

You wipe roughly at the tear trekking down your cheek. Your face hurts from the number of times you’ve wiped at your face the past couple hours.

You know Leah can hear you silently crying over the phone. You try to keep it quiet, but your girlfriend knows you almost better than you know yourself.

The people around you pretend not to stare but you can still feel their gaze occasionally sweeping past you. You must be a sight to see, red eyes, stuffy nose, oversized t-shirt and sweatpants on, traces of grass still sticking to your arms from where you missed them earlier.

“Can you give me a hug?”

There’s only one thing that would make you feel better. Spending the majority of the year away from your girlfriend sucks, but not being able to feel her arms around you, breath tickling your skin as she murmurs how much she loves you, especially after a hard fought lost like today, just makes the distance hit even worse.

“I’ll give you as many hugs as I can when I see you next.”

Tipping your head back, you finally let the headrest do its job and let the chair support your body. You all but sink into the chair, hand tightening its grip against the phone pressed to your ear.

“I miss you,” you murmur, trying to focus on the sounds you can hear through the phone.

There’s some rustling as you assume Leah is settling back against her bed. You feel guilty that she’s calling you with how early it is in England, but the selfish part of you doesn’t want her to go.

Leah also doesn’t seem like she’s in any rush to leave, as you hear her soft hum over the line. “I miss you too. When is your flight out?”

A soft smile rises to your lips at the knowledge that Leah still thinks you’re in San Diego. You slip open an eye, taking note of the various conditions of the passengers around you, many having earplugs and eye masks over their eyes as they brave the late-night flight over to London.

“I’ll be home for dinner.”

You can practically hear how wide Leah’s smile gets. God you couldn’t wait until you could see that gorgeous smile in person. 

“You might have to settle for confectionery stand hotdogs, darling.”

You can already picture it. You wrapped in Arsenal red, Leah’s arms snug tight around you. A small hotdog and drink in hand as you watch her team play in their own league game.

So similar to how your first date went.

As well as many others that followed.

“I can’t wait. It’s a date.”

And when the clock strikes 7 in Leicester, the sting from your championship loss hasn’t faded yet, but wrapped up in the arms of Leah Williamson, finally home at last, you know everything will be alright.

[shakespeareanwannabe]

As You Wish, Chapter 17

Summary: When arriving at Camp Silver Star, Abby Floyd was anticipating a summer of adventure with an ocean separating her from the three people she loved most: her mom, her Uncle Bob and her Aunt Natasha. But after a run in with Charlie Seresin, an extremely familiar looking and irritating camper in a different cabin, her summer plans take a turn that neither girl ever could have expected.

Trigger Warnings: reader's children are described as being blond with green eyes because genetics are wild and Jake's genes are strong, reader is canonically Bob's sister (but biological relation is never discussed), reader goes by Buttercup and is tattooed, angst (so much angst I made myself cry), panic attack, drinking, sadness, reference to divorce, kids breaking your heart, references to babies, swearing, references to the military, fighting and marital strife, PPD, references to sex (but nothing explicit)

Seresin Residence, Miramar, 12 years ago

Jake sighed as he pulled his truck into the driveway of the little beach bungalow he had scrimped and saved to buy for his family. Normally, he was excited to get home after a long day of training, but lately? Lately, it seemed like all they did was fight. Some days, it was him fighting and Buttercup sitting there, taking it. Others, it was all out warfare, each of them screaming at each other. And after the fight they had had that morning, Jake wasn’t too pleased to be home.

The fight had worn on him all day. He had been absolute shit in the cockpit because of it, and he’d already had a verbal dressing down by just about everyone. Cyclone and Warlock had ripped into him pretty good. Rooster and Phoenix had taken pleasure in seeing him knocked down a peg or five. Maverick had only shaken his head at him in disappointment, and that had probably hurt the most.

With a groan, Jake got out of his truck and grabbed his duffle, heading to the front door. Three months ago, he would have kicked his boots off with a playful, “Honey, I’m home!” before racing to snuggle his daughters, pecking his wife on the lips as he went. But not today. Today, he toed his boots off and tossed his duffle into the laundry room.

It was quiet. Too quiet. Maybe they were all asleep. He wouldn’t be mad about it if they were. Maybe if Buttercup got some quality sleep, she’d be in a better mood.

Jake sighed and flipped on the light in the living room, startled when he spotted Buttercup sitting in her preferred armchair.

“Hey,” he drawled. “You surprised me. I thought you were asleep. Where are the girls?”

“Asleep,” she murmured, eyes tracking him as he grabbed a beer from the kitchen.

“Good. They eat okay today?”

“Charlie doesn’t like not breastfeeding, but she’s getting used to it. Abby’s still not eating enough.”

Jake ignored her cold, indifferent tone. “She’ll get there.” He flopped onto the couch and reached for the remote.

“Jake…”

“Buttercup, it’s been a long day,” he groaned. “I really don’t want to fight tonight. The girls are asleep. Go have a bath or something, let me watch TV, and I’ll order us a pizza for dinner. Okay?”

“So, that’s it then?” Finally, her voice had a touch of a bite to it. “No comment, no nothing from you? You said no and that’s that? Your word is law?”

Jake groaned and let his hand flop back onto the sofa. “I don’t know what else you expected me to say. I’m part of the U.S. Navy. Meaning I have to be in the United States. I can’t move to England just because you got a job interview for a publishing job. There are dozens of publishers that are stateside. Why not go for one of them? I’m sure they’d let you work remotely. I don’t see why you want to move to a different continent.”

“They’re the only ones who have offered to take a look at my writing on top of my publishing responsibilities,” she hissed. “Which you would know if you paid any attention to me.”

“Okay, so you can do your whole writing thing from anywhere, can’t you? Skip the whole publisher thing and focus on writing! When you’re done writing or whatever, you can send it to a publisher! You’d at least get to stay with me that way!”

“How am I supposed to focus on my writing, Jake? I barely get a chance to breathe, let alone sit down at a computer and write!” Buttercup’s voice was weak and desperate, and grating on Jake’s nerves. He hated it when she sounded like that, and she’d been sounding like it more and more. He would’ve done anything to make it better, but he was too tired to try. “You’re not around during the day, so you don’t know what its like! One of them always needs me, and Charlie is fussy, and Abby’s not eating enough, and I can barely breathe! And you want me to what? Follow you around from base to base, taking care of our daughters on my own while you’re on deployment after deployment?”

“That is what you signed up for when you married me!” Jake shouted, his frustration and exhaustion finally bubbling over. “I thought you would’ve known that based on how often your brother gets to go home! This is what it means to be in a military family! This is what you signed up for!”

“I signed up for you!” she shouted. “I signed up for a man who loves me, who is home to share the load with me! Not a man who has his head shoved so far up Uncle Sam’s ass that he can’t see the sun!”

“Don’t you dare!” Jake stood. “Everything I do is for the safety of this country and for you and our daughters. Don’t you want our girls to grow up in a country that is safe?”

“I would rather our daughters grow up knowing their father! They barely see you anymore! And it’s only going to get worse as they get older!”

“I’ll be promoted by the time that they’re older! That means less time deployed!”

Buttercup was shaking her head, shrinking back in her seat. “You’ll never give up flying, Jake. You wouldn’t take a promotion that meant you were grounded. It’s not who you are.” Buttercup’s voice shook. “Just like sitting at home, waiting for my husband to come back while I take care of our home and children isn’t who I am. I need more.”

Jake scoffed, red creeping into the edges of his vision. He felt like he was running on autopilot, unable to stop himself or control his anger. “So, what? We’re not enough for you?”

“Don’t do that!” Buttercup snapped. “Our family is everything to me, but I need more! I need something outside of just being a mom and your wife!”

“Okay, so London is that then? Will London be enough for you?” Jake was wrangling every ounce of his strength to pull himself back, to not do this. They were both tired, both stressed. She hadn’t been herself since the babies were born, and it didn’t help that he had been deployed when they had sworn to him that he would be grounded for his first few months of fatherhood. If they could just get on the same page again, everything would be okay. But that would only happen if he could get Hangman to take a backseat and let Jake handle this.

Buttercup’s eyes flooded at his mocking tone. “Fuck you, Jake.”

Loud cries echoed through the house and Jake huffed before heading down the hall. “Go take a bath, Buttercup. I’ll take care of the girls.”

In the nursery, Jake pulled Charlie into his arms and sighed, rocking his red-faced baby girl in his arms. It would all be okay. The first year was always going to be the hardest. If they could make it through that, they would be stronger than ever.

It didn’t hit Jake that it was too late until a few days later, when he came home to find a teary-eyed Buttercup standing in the kitchen, handing him a pile of divorce papers.

Seresin Ranch, Clifton, Texas, Now

Early morning sunshine danced across her eyelids, and she tried to bury her face in the pillow beside her. It was way too freaking early to be conscious after the night she’d had, she was bone tired, and she was sore in a deeply satisfying way. The dull ache in her muscles and the muted throbbing between her thighs were better than any soreness she had ever gotten from an extended workout. It was an ache that she hadn’t felt in years.

Stretching like a cat, Buttercup slowly sat up against the headboard and blinked against the sun streaming through the grey curtains, and three things hit her in quick succession.

She was not in her bedroom. Her curtains were not grey, and her window did not face east.

She was naked. Her usual t-shirt and shorts were absent as the cool cotton sheets kissed her skin.

The soreness she was feeling was accompanied by a series of hickies and bruises that decorated her body like confetti. Her neck, her chest, her breasts, her stomach, and her inner thighs were littered with the dark purple marks, leaving her feeling like a teenager the night after prom.

Buttercup felt her stomach roil as the memories from the previous night washed over her like a tidal wave. The barbecue, fighting with Jake, dancing with Jake, having 3 a.m. grilled cheese with Jake and splitting a beer with him before giving him permission to kiss her…Jake carrying her to his bedroom and making love to her sweetly and gently, then rolling her over and fucking her hard, then taking her again in the softest, tenderest way as the sun slowly began to rise.

What had she done? What had she done? This wasn’t who she was. She had never been the type of person who just fell into bed with a guy, and certainly not when that guy was her ex-husband. But then, she had always been helpless against him. Back before things had soured between them, she had been almost as good as Maverick at keeping all of the Daggers in line, but one flash of those bright green eyes and those dimples, and she was basically Jello. She had never been able to tell him ‘no’, except for once.

Buttercup pulled her legs up tight against her chest and pressed the heels of her palms into her closed eyes until she saw stars. She was so stupid. So weak. She had put in over a decade of work to make herself stronger, strong enough to withstand being alone, strong enough to be a single mother, strong enough to hold her ground against him. And yet, like a teenage girl, she caved at the sight of gleaming abs and a cocky grin, and the sound of sweet nothings he had whispered in her ear.

What would the girls think if they found out? Would they think they were getting back together? Of course they would, that had been their plan since the beginning. But a one-night stand did not a relationship make, and neither did attraction. Attraction and chemistry had never been their problem. Communication had been, and, though they had clearly gotten better at it over the past decade, it didn’t solve all the problems that still remained between them. Past hurts and past histories and words that had been said that couldn’t be taken back.

God, how she wished she could take them back. She had been sick in the head and sick in the heart when she had uttered those poisoned words to him, wanting him to feel like she did in the most toxic way. She was toxic to him, not the other way around like so many had thought would happen. Her own brother had warned her away from Jake Seresin the minute they met, cautioning her that he would ruin her life, but he hadn’t. He had given her the greatest year and a half of her life and two daughters that she wouldn’t trade for the world. She was the one who ruined him. Just like her nickname, she was a poison, and she would only destroy him more if she stuck around.

Tears began to well in her eyes, but Buttercup quickly dashed them away as she scrambled from Jake’s bed and began searching for her clothes, which she found neatly folded on the antique wingback chair in the corner of the room. Her heart ached at the sweetness of this man, who had opened his home to her for a week so they could both get quality time with their daughters, who had ended his engagement because his fiancée had been cruel to their girls. He didn’t deserve this. Maybe the old Hangman had been cocky and brash and bold, maybe Hangman had left a trail of broken hearts behind him, but her Jake didn’t deserve to have his heart broken because she was so weak and selfish. Her heart ached at the thought of leaving him, of only seeing him at events for the girls, of eventually seeing him engaged to a woman who did deserve him. But she didn’t deserve him. She wasn’t strong enough to be his reason for living once the girls graduated.

The realization had her slowly pulling her clothes on, choking back sobs and dashing her tears away. He needed more than her. He needed someone who was strong enough to hold him up while he figured out what he wanted to do with his life once the girls had moved on. He needed someone who wouldn’t panic at the very suggestion of him going back to the Navy. She needed to walk away so that he could find that person. Despite the pain lancing through her heart and the heaviness in her limbs, she had to. She wouldn’t poison him anymore. Not when she…

More tears streamed down her face as she stumbled into his ensuite and desperately tried to make herself look like less of a heartbroken mess. He would be okay and, eventually, so would she. The girls would struggle, but she would fight like hell to make sure her girls still had so much love and support from both of their parents, even if they lived on opposite sides of the globe. They wouldn’t suffer just because their mother was toxic.

A deep wash of her face and multiple splashes of cool water later, Buttercup, resolved and heartbroken, strolled out of the bedroom and made her way back to the kitchen, finding her daughters sitting at the island while Jake flipped pancakes.

“Morning, Mom!”

“Morning, Mum!”

“Hey, darlin’,” Jake followed up the sweet chorus of their daughters’ voices with a shy grin, so unlike him but still so fitting that it made the ache in her chest deepen. “Did you sleep okay?”

Buttercup fought to keep her face straight as she regarded him with as much cool indifference as she could muster. “Yes, thank you. And good thing too. We’ve got a busy day tomorrow.”

Plates clattered as Charlie set the island for breakfast. “What are we doing tomorrow?”

Buttercup fought the pain and panic rising in her throat as she looked at the smiling figures of her broken family. “A-Abby and I are going home tomorrow,” she croaked out. “Our flight leaves at 9 p.m.”

Silence fell like a heavy, suffocating fog over the kitchen. Abby had frozen in her seat, a juicy red grape dangling almost comically from her fingers halfway between the bowl and her mouth. Charlie wasn’t doing much better, a plate suspended in midair while her face flushed. And Jake? She couldn’t bring herself to look at him, to see the anger or pity or fury that was undoubtedly marring his handsome features.

It was Charlie who broke the silence first. “What?”

The question was so simple, but Buttercup had to brace herself before answering. “We promised you a week together, and it’s been a week. Our flight has always been leaving tomorrow.” She managed a weak smile at her daughters. “I guess time really does fly when you’re having fun.”

“Mum…” Buttercup’s heart nearly shattered at the broken, pleading sound of her baby’s voice. “Couldn’t we stay? Please?”

For the time being, Buttercup was winning the losing battle against the tears that were clogging her throat and flooding her eyes. “I’m sorry, sweetheart, but we can’t. You start school next week and I have deadlines to meet. Uncle Bob and Auntie Nat have to go back to work too. But your dad and I have figured out a good schedule for visiting. You get more school vacation than Charlie does, so you’ll get to come here for a few breaks, and Charlie will get to come visit us when she has breaks, and then we’re going to split the summer in half, okay? I—” Buttercup’s voice cracked, and she turned her eyes skyward to prevent the tears from falling again. “I know it’s not what you want, but it’s the best we can do.”

“That’s BULLSHIT!” Charlie’s cry was loud and harsh. “That’s complete bullshit! You could both stay! Everyone should stay!”

Buttercup’s breath stuttered in her chest as she looked at her daughter, so full of pain and anger. “I know that you wish we could, sweetheart, but we can’t. I’m sorry!”

“You’re sorry?” Charlie was crying now, hot tears running down her red cheeks. “I only get two weeks with you after 12 years and now you’re leaving and you’re sorry? That’s bullshit!”

“Charlie…” Jake’s voice was a soft warning.

“What?” She whirled on her dad. “It is! She could stay here if she really wanted to! But she doesn’t! She doesn’t care. Not about you or me or anyone! If she cared, she wouldn’t have left us in the first place!”

“Charlie…” Buttercup couldn’t stand the way her voice crackled with tears. “Charlie, I—”

“I hate you!” Charlie turned on her, green eyes full of anguish. “I hate you!”

“That’s enough!” Jake didn’t yell, but his voice held that military tone that immediately silenced everyone in the kitchen, save for Charlie’s ragged breathing and Abby’s soft sniffles. “You do not get to talk to your mother that way. You can be angry all you want, but this is a joint decision between your mother and I, so if you hate her then you hate me too. And no matter how you feel about us, I know that I taught you respect. We do not lash out at other people because of the way we are feeling in this family. We talk it out, and if we can’t manage how we’re feeling then we take a beat before we have a calm conversation. So, go take a beat. Take a lap of the ranch and cool off, Charlie.” Jake’s tone was no-nonsense and left no room for argument. Chest heaving, Charlie stomped away and let the door slam behind her. Jake sighed and looked at his oldest daughter, sniffling quietly in her seat. “Why don’t you go with her, Abby?” His voice was gentler now. “I think maybe some fresh air and a walk will do you both some good.”

Not saying anything, Abby nodded meekly and shuffled out of the kitchen, the front door barely clicking shut in comparison to the slam that had rocked everyone to their very foundations.

Buttercup stood stock still in the kitchen doorway, hand wrapped around her throat as she fought the tears that were falling slowly.

“Buttercup…” She flinched violently away from Jake’s gentle hand on her elbow, and he held his hands up. “Buttercup, it’s alright. It’s all gonna be alright.”

She shook her head, clutching at her throat to get the words out. “She’s right. It’s all my fault.”

“Now, I thought I told you I didn’t want to hear any of that anymore,” Jake said, gently but with a hint of stern resolve. “Now, why don’t we sit down and talk about this?”

“There’s really nothing to talk about, Jake.” Buttercup’s sigh was bone-weary as she sank into one of the island stools. “We have to go home. Abby’s got school, Bob and Nat have work, I have deadlines that I’m already behind on and signings I promised to do months ago and they want me to do edits for a script for one of my novels…We promised them a week together, and that’s what they got.” She shrugged helplessly. “There’s nothing we can do to change that.”

“I get where you’re coming from, darlin’, I do…” Jake leaned against the island across from her. “But…it wouldn’t be too difficult to get Abby signed up for school here, and Bob and Phoenix are grown ups, they don’t need you to take them home. And you…” He sighed heavily. “You can write from anywhere, so why can’t you write here with us?”

Buttercup’s heart cracked wide open, years of heartbreak and loneliness and anger pouring out of her like hot lava. “I can’t believe you’re asking me that again! What about the life I’ve built for myself? My professional reputation? My friends? Abby’s friends? I have a life in London! I like my life in London!”

“I know that.” Jake kept his voice even and calm, even as he wanted to reach out and calm her. “I know I fucked it up the first time. I know I didn’t get it the first time, how much the job and the move and everything meant to you back then. But you’re an award-winning author now, Buttercup. You’re like…number one draft pick in the NFL. You would have dozens of publishers falling all over themselves and each other to publish your stories now. Hell, with the way technology has improved in the last decade, nothing would stop you from keeping your publisher in London and Zooming into meetings with them from here. Isn’t it at least an option?”

Everything he was saying made perfect sense. It was all logical and well thought out, and, for a moment, she could picture it. Staying in Clifton, on the ranch. Turning the guest bedroom into an office for her to write out of while staring out at the pretty scenery, waking every morning in the cradle of Jake’s arms and cuddling with him until their daughters dragged them from bed. Giving them a real shot.

But a real shot meant the possibility of real pain. Pain that she had barely healed from the first time. Pain that she had put him through. Pain that he didn’t deserve. He didn’t deserve any of it, but to protect him, she would have to hurt him.

“I can’t just give up my job, my life because of a one-night stand.” Her voice was cold, belying the white-hot pain that was shooting through her heart, her very soul.

“I thought I meant more to you than that?”

She could hear the pain in his voice and ducked her head, refusing to meet his eyes. “You do…” she whispered, so quiet that he wouldn’t be able to hear her. The words “You did” came at a louder volume. “But I worked too hard to get to where I am now, and so did you.” She gulped down air, feeling like the walls were closing in on her. “I…I finally healed from everything we put each other through, and we can’t just fall back together again because it’s easy.”

Jake scrubbed a hand over his face. He knew what she was talking about. They had put each other through a lot, and it had taken over a decade to even start to heal from that, but they had healed. Wasn’t he worth giving it another go? Weren’t the girls worth trying for? He tamped down the anger he felt growing in his gut and asked, “When have we ever been easy?”

“You know what I mean, Jake.” Her sigh was heavy, bowing her shoulders like she was carrying the weight of the world. “We’re familiar. We’ve been living in the same house for a week, and, in a moment of weakness, we let ourselves fall back into old habits. And it felt good. But we’ve been down this road before. We know what lies at the end of it.” Tears pricked her eyes again and she blinked them back. “Besides, you were just engaged to another woman. You were planning on going back to the Navy. I…I can’t be the thing you hold onto just because you’re afraid of what your life will look like in six years.”

Jake felt the anger within him rise, and he relied on every ounce of his military training to remain composed, to not let the anger seep into his voice. “I don’t think I’m the one who is afraid here. You’re running.”

“Jake—”

Despite the way she was shaking her head, hands covering her face, Jake moved around the island and gently put his hands on her shoulders, turning her to face him. “I know you felt something last night. I felt it too. Just because we didn’t work out the first time, doesn’t mean we won’t work out this time. You don’t have to be afraid of what might happen either, sweetheart.” His voice was filled with so much warmth and passion that Buttercup felt the tears fall faster and harder down her cheeks. This sweet man. She had never deserved him. His hands stroked her upper arms as he continued. “You’ve done such a good job on your own. Abby is incredible and your books…” Jake shook his head in amazement. “You’re incredible. But you don’t have to be strong and do it all on your own anymore. I know you can, but you don’t have to. Let me help. Just stay and let me help.” He was begging and he knew it, but he couldn’t help the tightness in his chest that told him that he had to convince her to stay. That he couldn’t lose her again. “I know you felt it last night,” he ended in a murmur.

Buttercup buried her head in her hands and sobbed. He was saying all the right words and she could feel the warmth and kindness pouring out of him, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she would ruin it all again. “I…I can’t,” she cried. “We have to be the adults here. I can’t just leave my life behind and stay with you. Not again. We tried that once and it didn’t work, and we owe it to our girls to be better this time. We have to be better this time. For them. What we want doesn’t matter.”

Breath whooshed out of Jake’s lungs as he took her in. His Buttercup looked so small and broken, sobbing at his kitchen island. He had done that to her. He had broken his strong, independent, fiercely loyal and kind woman. No matter how badly he wanted to keep her, he couldn’t hold her back again. “This…this is really what you want?”

With doubt clogging her throat, she murmured, “It is.”

Jake’s shoulders bowed, and he grunted to clear the tingling in his throat and in the bridge of his nose. “Then…as you wish, I guess.”

Buttercup nearly ran down the path towards the dude ranch cabins. After a tense breakfast, one where no one said anything to each other, Buttercup got changed and got out of the ranch house as quickly as she possibly could. She felt like she couldn’t breathe with the weight of Jake’s disappointed gaze upon her and Charlie’s hate-filled words hanging in the air around them. Not even her sweet Abby had been able to look her in the eye, so she fled the moment it was acceptable to do so.

Now, she was marching to her brother’s cabin to talk to him and his best friend, to get some sort of reassurance that she was doing the right thing. She quickly climbed the two steps up and came up short when the door swung open, Javy emerging in his jeans, carrying his shirt from last night.

“Oh…” They both froze and stared at each other. “Hey Buttercup.”

“Hey Javy…”

“You, uh…” Javy shuffled his feet. “You good?”

“Not really,” she admitted, staring down at her toes. “Is Nat in there? Or Bob?”

“Bob spent the night in Mickey’s cabin with him and Yale. But Nat…” A shy smile pulled at Javy’s lips as he shrugged. “She’s asleep upstairs. I’ve gotta run to practice though. Can you tell her I said goodbye? And that I’ll see her for dinner tonight?”

Despite her own broken heart, Buttercup found herself smiling. “I’m glad you two were able to work it out. I’ll let her know.”

“Thanks, Buttercup.” He grinned and placed a light jab against her shoulder as he passed. “And hey? I’m sure whatever’s bugging you will work itself out in the end.”

“I don’t think so, Javy. But thanks.”

Buttercup let herself into the quaint little cabin and headed straight for the bedroom, where her friend was just waking up. Buttercup thanked whatever not-completely-evil god that was out there that her friend was wearing a t-shirt. After the morning she’d had, the last thing she wanted was to have her friend flash her by accident.

“Hey…” Natasha yawned as she stretched her arms over her head. “What’re you doin’ here? Where’s—” Natasha cut herself off, looking away from Buttercup.

“Javy had football practice. He says he’ll see you for dinner.” That was all Buttercup managed to get out before flopping onto the bed and sobbing.

“Jesus Christ, B!” Natasha scrambled up and pulled her crying friend into her lap. “What the hell?” A gentle hand ran up and down the length of Buttercup’s spine. “You’re alright, girl. C’mon.”

“J-Jake and I hooked up last night,” Buttercup blubbered, burying her face into the plaid comforter that covered her friend’s lap.

“And…was it…not good?” Try as she might, Natasha was struggling to see the problem.

“It was great!”

Both ladies were surprised at the strength of Buttercup’s sobs. It was unlike her to cry so much, but clearly, she had to exorcise some demons, and crying seemed to be the best way to get them out.

Natasha sighed and patted her friend on the back. “Then I am confused.”

“Join the fucking club…” Buttercup muttered, wiping her face on the bedspread before sitting up, her tear ducts seemingly empty. “We…we’re going home tomorrow. I can’t believe I was so stupid as to hook up with my ex-husband right before we’re going back home.”

“Not gonna lie, lady, but you were basically eye-fucking him all night. I’m not surprised that you two fell into bed together. The sexual tension was too great.” Natasha propped herself up against the oak headboard and stared at her friend. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of, you know. Lots of couples do one last fuck fest after a breakup or divorce.”

“Is that what you and Javy were doing last night?” Buttercup bit out, no malice in her voice, only exhaustion.

Natasha bit her lip. “Actually…it was more of a ‘lets try this thing again’ than a ‘lets get this thing out of our systems’.”

Buttercup blinked her bloodshot eyes. “How are you two going to try it again when our flight leaves tomorrow?”

One of Natasha’s calloused fingers gently traced the scar that ran over her eye, something that she only did on the rare occasion that she was nervous. “That’s the thing…I’m not getting on that flight. Bob said that he could get me a refund with the airline since it’s, y’know, his airline.”

“You’re staying?” Of all the things she expected her best friend to say, it certainly wasn’t that. “What about your classes? Your friends?”

Natasha shrugged. “One of the other instructors can take over until they hire someone else. And there’s a gym in town that needs a new female personal trainer. Javy’s pretty sure they’d take me on the spot. And honestly, B? What friends? I had work friends that I only hung out with occasionally off the clock, and I had you and Bob. I lived in your home, ate your food, and hung out with you. No offence, because you know I love you, but not going back isn’t that big of a deal to me.”

Buttercup nodded as she looked at her friend. “I hate that you’re leaving me,” she mumbled, pulling Natasha into a fierce hug. “But I’m proud of you for giving him another shot. You just make sure he knows that if he hurts you, I’m only one transatlantic flight away from kicking his ass.”

“Or…you could always stay too and be just a walk down the road away from kicking his ass.” Natasha’s voice was gentle and kind, but Buttercup was already shaking her head. “Why not?”

“Because we tried, and we failed.”

“So did me and Javy,” Natasha nudged her.

“But you don’t have kids who will suffer if you try again and it still falls apart.”

“Fair point…” Natasha hummed and turned towards her. “What if it doesn’t fall apart?”

“I can’t risk it, Nat,” Buttercup murmured, tears welling in her eyes again. “I can’t hurt Abby and Charlie like that. They have to come first.”

“I get that.” Natasha reached out and squeezed her friend’s hand comfortingly. “But you have spent over a decade putting Abby first. You have been an amazing mother to that girl. Maybe it’s time to start putting yourself first instead.”

Buttercup squeezed back, snuggling down in her friend’s bed and sighing. If only it was that easy.

The next 24 hours passed in a blur of emotion. Charlie still wasn’t speaking to Buttercup, despite Jake’s private talk with her when she returned to the ranch house after her walk. Abby wasn’t faring much better, quiet but not angry the way her sister was. More…resigned. And Jake…well, Jake did what Jake always did. He walled up everything he was feeling behind thick, military issue shields and pretended. It was what he was trained to do. Compartmentalize and prioritize. His priority was making sure that his girls didn’t leave the ranch sad.

Buttercup’s eyes remained bloodshot for the rest of the day, and it broke Jake’s heart to see his girl so distraught. Part of him wanted to ask her to reconsider, to ask if her decision to leave was what was making her so miserable, but he didn’t. His Buttercup had only made one rash decision in her entire life: staying with him in Miramar. Every other decision had been meticulously thought out, including going to London to start over. He couldn’t blame her for that, and he couldn’t blame her for wanting to return to her life abroad, no matter how much it felt like it was killing him to let her go again.

So, Jake pushed it all down and tried to make it the best 24 hours he possibly could. He took his three girls on a trail ride after having a small goodbye lunch for their remaining guests. Fanboy, Yale, Payback and his family all enjoyed a small gathering despite the tense atmosphere. That atmosphere remained throughout the trail ride, though Jake had hoped it would help cool Charlie down. Dinner was similarly quiet, the five of them eating their spaghetti and meatballs in relative silence, though it seemed that both Rooster and Charlie were cheered to hear that Phoenix would be staying. Jake couldn’t help the glance he spared at Buttercup when that news was shared before Javy swept Phoenix out the door to keep their dinner reservation in town. He knew he couldn’t question why Phoenix was brave enough to stay and try to work things out, not when he knew why Buttercup was doing the brave thing by leaving. She was doing it so that the girls wouldn’t suffer from the fallout if they couldn’t keep their shit together a second time, and Jake couldn’t blame her. He would do anything to make sure Charlie was happy. Problem was that this decision didn’t seem to be making anyone happy.

Nobody got much sleep that night, the tension growing over the house like a big black storm cloud, what ifs and maybes swirling like a tornado. Day dawned without sun; the metaphorical storm having grown into a real one that had rain lashing at the windows. Breakfast was a silent affair, and Jake could barely choke down any lunch, one final meal before he had to say goodbye to his girls.

Bags were piled at the front door, waiting for the airport limo Bob had called for, complimentary because of his position with the airline. Six adults and two children stood in the doorway of the ranch house, waiting for the telltale sound of tire on gravel to signal the end. When Jake caught sight of headlights bouncing through the darkened sky, he sighed and gathered Abby into his arms.

“I love you, baby,” he murmured into her hair, and his heart broke as she clutched him tighter. “I’ll see you at Thanksgiving, okay?”

“I love you too, daddy.”

Jake opened his eyes and saw Buttercup ringing her hands as she approached Charlie, who had her arms crossed stiffly across her chest.

“I…I’m sorry, Charlie,” he heard her soft words and his chest ached for her. For both of them. His two girls were so strong and so stubborn, and they were both in so much pain. “I love you, sweet girl. I hope you remember that.” When it became clear that Charlie was not going to embrace her mother, Buttercup sighed and pressed a kiss to her hair instead. “I love you, darling.”

Buttercup turned to Rooster, who wrapped her in a tight hug. “You take care of yourself, alright, Buttercup?” he gravelled.

“I will. You take care of them for me, okay?”

“You know I will.”

A similar exchange happened with Javy, though Jake was sure that it included some sort of threat about treating Phoenix well, based on the slight grimace on Javy’s face as Buttercup turned and hugged her friend.

It was at that point that the car pulled up to the front door and Jake forced himself to release his daughter.

“Go say goodbye to everyone while I take your bags out,” he whispered to her, trying his best not to crumble at her tear-stained face.

She nodded and ran over to Phoenix, almost knocking her over. “I love you, Auntie Nat.”

“I love you too, kid.”

She squeezed Rooster next, the two of them having a whispered conversation as Jake passed, taking the bags out to the limo. He didn’t care that his white t-shirt was becoming see-through. He didn’t much care for anything at the moment. He was completely numb, just like he had been when he watched Buttercup and Abby walk out his front door the first time. He took his time loading the bags into the trunk before heading back into the house, feeling like he was walking to his execution.

When he stepped into the foyer, his eyes went straight to Abby and Charlie, embracing by the stairs. He sighed and turned to Bob, shaking his ex-brother-in-law’s hand before turning to Buttercup, who was watching her daughters with a sad sort of smile.

A gentle hand on her shoulder pulled her attention to him right as he pulled her into a hug. She folded into him the same way she always had, like she belonged there. Jake told himself that her trembling was because he was soaked to the bone, and if he felt moisture soaking into the front of his shirt, he told himself that was just the rain too.

She pulled away a few moments later, surreptitiously wiping at her eyes as she murmured, “It’s time to go, Abby.” She met his eyes for a fleeting second. “Thank you, Jake.”

“As you wish, sweetheart,” he murmured and escorted them onto the covered porch, where he gave Abby one more hug before pulling Charlie into his arms as they watched Bob, Buttercup and Abby make a run for the limo.

Bob held the door open as Abby slid in. Buttercup glanced over her shoulder at Jake and Charlie, standing like statues on the porch. She waved a sad goodbye before sliding in beside her daughter. Bob gave him an understanding nod before joining them and slamming the door shut. The limo roared to life and started down the dirt drive, rain and wind whipping at the windshield as they went. Abby and Buttercup huddled together on the leather seats as Bob gave instructions to the driver, and then they were silent.

Jake’s chest heaved as he watched them go, watched two-thirds of his heart walk away from him again.

“Wait!” Charlie cried, throwing off his hold and taking off down the wet and muddy driveway. “Mom, wait!” Jake lunged after her, grabbing her up in a hug as the limo disappeared between the trees, the falling rain too loud for them to hear her pleas.

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[madridfangirl]

Star crossed lovers (Jude Bellingham fic)

Chapter 17

(Series Link)

Jude * female reader. Mature Language in parts.

Synopsis: A chance encounter in a tiny Madrid cafe with the newest superstar of her fav club. The two couldn't be more different, yet both feel the pull toward the other. Would this girl be the one he finally falls for? Or would life come in the way of these star-crossed lovers?

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There he was. Looking like a million bucks. Effortlessly so.

The black beanie, sweater and all-black attire suiting him in ways she couldn’t even articulate. The pimples & face-marks adding to his rugged, manly charm. The tinge of red on his nose & lips from the cold increasing the adorableness quotient by 1000. His eyes, well, she refused to even go there.

And there she was. Dressed in her plain ruffled night-suit. Hair messier than a bird’s nest. And her face/eyes giving away the state she had been in all day.

She has asked for some space. But the Prince of Madrid and all of England had decided that wasn’t to be the case. He would strip her of her dignity too, the impact of this on her all too visible to him now. No matter how hard she had tried to keep her poise on the phone, in-person would be a different ball game. And he knew that, yet he was here. Typical. When he wanted something, he would just go for it immediately. Waiting or thinking through didn’t exist in his book. Absolute entitled prick. 

Giving him the building code was not such a great idea after all. 

Would you rather he had stayed away? Would you rather he hadn’t bothered to try at all?

Ananya stifled the tiny voice inside her immediately. While Jude just looked at her expectantly as she dealt with her inner monologue. He knew it would be terribly unwise to say anything right now. It would likely harm his case more instead of aiding it. So he stayed mum while she arrived at the crucial decision of letting him in or slamming the door in his face.

She wanted to do the latter, so badly. But it was very busy in her building these days, given the holiday get-togethers. Anyone seeing him outside her door right now would be a fiasco she couldn’t possibly handle. In fact, these last few seconds of him standing at her door were quite dangerous already.

She quietly moved to the side, giving him a sign to come in. After he stepped inside, she quickly looked around to see if anyone was in the stairway or passage.

‘There’s no one. I had asked Agnes to check before I got out of the car.’

‘Oh how kind of you. I wonder what tomorrow’s headlines would have been otherwise. “After reuniting with his one true soulmate, Jude Bellingham finds a side-squeeze in Madrid”. That sounds apt, no?’

Jude sighed inwardly while she locked the door and told him to wait in the hall.

She quickly walked into her room, hid his jersey that she was snuggling with for comfort and went into the washroom to fix herself. 

He stood awkwardly in the hall, holding on to the bouquet. She hadn’t even looked at the flowers once. He found the usual vase and placed the white tulips there, hoping she would spare them a look sometime soon. Then, he somehow dragged himself to her room. He had been here countless times but today he felt particularly unwelcome in her cozy space, as if he were an intruding stranger. He had faced many hostile stadiums before but what was radiating from her right now was something else. 

Ananya looked at herself in the mirror, her face a bigger mess than she expected. Ofcourse. 

But this wasn’t the time to crib. She had to go outside and face this uninvited guest and everything he would throw her way. She had to stay strong. Composed. After washing her face & doing a quick touch-up, she emerged from the washroom. 

Jude was sitting on her desk-chair, and watched her closely as she walked to her bed, settling on the edge of it.

‘Why are you here?’

‘Because I hurt you & made you cry.’

She cocked her head to the side; he took it as a signal to continue.

‘And this distance thing you mentioned just scared the crap out of me. Couldn’t stand you gone like this….hurt. And for god knows how long. I…wanted to tell you that I’m…so sorry and I want you back.’

‘And what about what I want?’

‘Walking away from me is not what you want, not really.’

‘So you’re going to decide that for me now? I’m just a dumb little girl who doesn’t know what she wants?’

‘Please you could never be dumb even if you tried. And no I’m not deciding for you. You’re angry and hurt and rightly so but….this can’t be it. Pls dove, pls believe me.’

He implored and walked towards her with his arms open. Wanting nothing more but to pull her into a tight hug. Letting his heartbeat tell her how much she meant to him. But she scooted away and raised a hand towards him, stopping him in his tracks.

‘I have a name. And pls don’t touch me.’

Admonished & frustrated, he slumped back into the chair.

This was not helping. This couldn’t continue. He’d either need to break through this cold wall she had created around herself or beat her in her own game of logic. Either way would hurt her immensely, but at least now he would be here to pick up the pieces. Otherwise he would lose her, that much was clear to him.

‘If I am the way you think I am, then why am I here?’

She looked at him oddly, trying to understand where he was going with this. He realised he needed to be more crude. Well, if that’s what it took.

‘If some fun is what I wanted with you, then I’d say I got it. Enough number of times. Why am I trying to get you back then?’

The mask fell from her face for a split second, disgust & hurt showing at this line of conversation. But she recovered quickly to meet his challenge head on.

‘Maybe you want more. Maybe I was some kind of a sick bet.’

‘Two months is quite enough for such arrangements. Fuckboys don’t want more, it complicates things. Believe me.’

She narrowed her eyes at him. He was obviously speaking from experience. A ton of experience.

‘Ok. Ego then. Or maybe a bit of guilt. My money’s on ego though. You wanted to be the one to walk away when you wanted, not the other way around.’

‘Technically, if I acted deliberately and my intention was to get back with her, then it was still me that walked away, no? Why should I care then?’

Her stare turned more piercingly cold, if that was even possible.

‘Are you enjoying this?’

Oh, it was making him sick to his bones. But he had to hurt her to eventually heal her, that was the only feasible option his mind could muster.

‘I’m trying to show you that if I were the dog you think I am, I won’t be here right now. It doesn’t make any sense.’

‘Unbelievable. You want me to let this go because this doesn’t fall into the typical fuckboy pattern? Who the hell knows how you guys think huh? Maybe it’s all a game to you. Maybe you want some entertainment in both cities. Heck, maybe there are more. Maybe there are things you get from one of us that you don’t get from the other. Maybe you never meant for ANY OF THIS TO COME OUT but sadly it did.’

It was working. Her facade of staying stoic was dissipating. But at what cost? Jude wasn’t sure if this was causing irreparable damage to their relationship. 

Is this what she thought of him subconsciously, all this while when they were together? Were all his efforts in vain? 

But he fought valiantly against this loss of hope and tried a different, more pacifying approach.

‘I know you don’t mean it. Deep down in your heart, you know that’s not true.’

‘Stop talking about my heart. You know nothing of it.’

‘I know enough to know I’m in it.’

The truth in his words irked her. Frustrated her to bits. Ananya picked up a cushion and threw it at him. He let it hit him in the face & fall to the floor. 

Then he stood up, and for a moment she was unsure what he’d do next.

Jude just paced around the narrow space in her room, in circles, then pulled out his phone and threw it next to her on the bed.

‘Since you won’t believe what I say - check my phone. Anything you want - apps, texts, photos. Anything. See for yourself - I haven’t done anything since we’ve been together.’

Her look of confusion turned into disgust. She scooted further away from the phone, as if it was repelling in some way.

‘If I ever have to stoop to that, then what hope is left for us anyway?’

If Jude was worried earlier, he was terrified now. He froze in a spot, then started pacing again pointlessly. 

‘What do I do? You won’t believe my side, won’t talk to my friends who were with me last night, won’t look at my phone. What do I do to get you to trust me again?’

She looked away; her voice a near whisper when she spoke next.

‘That’s the thing - I don’t trust you right now. Can’t….can’t forget those…images. Maybe the previous article was also true…you & that girl…in your house..…and I was the fool believing you readily..’

Her voice cracked, and he was immediately by her side, kneeling in front of her, as she kept looking away.

Slowly, Jude reached for her hands, covering them with his. She didn’t react while his thumbs caressed her hands softly.

But when he bent down to kiss her palms, she pulled away, crossing her arms, hugging herself.

The apartment was temperature controlled, but he saw the goosebumps on her exposed forearms. Jude fetched a stole from her cupboard and covered her with it. Resuming his position around her knees, resting his head on her thighs, hugging her legs.

Both stayed like that for god knows how long.

‘Because of one instance, pls don’t discard everything you feel about me, everything you know about me. It was all real. What we have is real, that’s the only truth.’

He mumbled in her lap, hiding his face in it.

‘It was not just one instance.’

Jude looked up then, mouth slightly parted open, eyes bigger than she had ever seen before, blinking at her in confusion. His expression chipping away at her resolve; she quickly looked away.

‘You’ve liked pics of other women on insta.’

It was like a ketchup bottle upturned - everything was coming out now. Things she had consciously / subconsciously felt all this while.

‘So? I know many of them. Some are fellow athletes.’

‘And many are not. You can’t deny that.’

‘Does being in a relationship mean I can’t like anyone’s photo? Am seriously asking. Haven’t you done that too with many celebs? And the ones I liked are all harmless photos.’

‘It’s different when you do it.’

‘How? Why?’

She shook her head in exasperation. Why couldn’t anything be easy with him?

‘Because I’m just one of millions liking a photo. But when you do it, it becomes an event. Your fanpages jump on it & start pairing you with the girl. Heck even for that girl it can be a signal. It is a signal. Who are you kidding here, Jude?’

He went back to pacing around the room, hands on his hips.

‘Ananya - I’m a human being. A very extroverted, social human being. Who likes to talk to people and the feeling is quite mutual. That’s all there is to it. Social interactions can’t stop because of one’s relationship status. How is that healthy?’

She looked at him for a long while - trying to decipher if he was really that thick or pretending to be so. Then she walked to where he was, standing 2 feet away, arms still crossed in front of her.

‘So you’re saying the girls never take it as a sign of your interest? Never DM you back? Never send other pictures?’

His mouth opened and closed like a fish, trying to articulate a suitable response, which came out as a jumbled mumble.

‘Well I don’t engage with them if they do. It’s not my fault there are some exceptions who misunderst….’

‘Misunderstand, yeah? Like your ex misunderstood you last night? It’s always their fault, isn’t it? You do NOTHING to lead them on, yet they just jump all over you.’

‘In most cases, yes.’

‘How convenient. How utterly convenient. Poor irresistible boy.’

She turned around abruptly to head back to bed but Jude grabbed her arm, turning her again to face him.

Ananya looked at his grip on her, then glared back at him fiercely, but he was in no mood of letting go.

‘If it bothered you so much, why didn’t you say anything earlier? Aren’t we supposed to talk about these things?’

‘I’d be labeled a nagging, suffocating bitch then.’

Jude flinched.

‘ENOUGH. Whatever’s gotten into you, and something clearly has, I still won’t have you using such words for my girlfriend.’

The following staring contest was won by Jude when she eventually looked away. He continued his rant.

‘You bottle and bottle things up - and then they come out like this. So nastily. How is this any better than speaking up then & there?’ 

‘I shouldn’t have to spell out everything. You’re not a child, Jude.’

‘Well darling, newsflash. I’m not a mind-reader either. Men aren’t good at these things. We need to be told in bold, caps and underlined letters when it comes to such deep EQ related matters.’

‘Not all men are like that. Some are attentive.’

Jude took a deep breath to restrain himself, while his other hand grabbed her other arm, keeping her in place.

‘Can you honestly say I haven’t been attentive to you? Tell me.’

She wanted to retort with something mean, like ‘there’s more to it than knowing my measurements so you can buy me lingerie’ but decided against it, thinking it unfair.

‘Just…let me go.’

He ignored that completely.

‘I’m OBSESSED with you. Can’t you see it? I feel this absolute right over you to tell you how I feel, what I want, what I don’t like, to try things with you. Whenever I feel strongly about anything, which I know is a lot, I blurt it out to your face. Might look like a bumbling idiot doing so but I can’t I don’t bottle it in. But you, have to peel the layer with you on everything - what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling about us, what you like or don’t like in bed, whether you still had feelings for your ex. Yes, for the longest time I thought that’s why you won’t let me have you, because a part of you was holding on to him. But that night in my house, when you thought I was passed out and you told me you didn’t love him anymore, I heard that. I remember the giddiness like yesterday. I remember EVERYTHING about you - what you wore in that cafe when we first met, which wine you like, that there are never supposed to be mushrooms on your pizza or you’d get grumpy, the ways you like your eggs done, our first night together, the different ways you say my name and what they mean, how you bite your lip when you’re confused / nervous, how you hold me when I need it badly. EVERY SINGLE THING ANANYA. Heck I even googled your name because you once said Indian names have meanings. That’s how gone I am. Jobe even called me whipped. Can’t stop thinking about you. Can’t have you away from me for too long. Why would I throw this away? How could I? I don’t want anyone else. Please, just pls come back to me.’

The fight left her body, as his words / voice / face / eyes reeled her back in. The emotional roller coaster took its toll, and Jude immediately wiped the building tears from the side of her eyes. Slowly and carefully, he pulled her close, resting her face on his chest, wrapping his arms around her tired frame.

She went without protest, his warmth a soothing balm to her paining heart. The comfort, safety and assurance of his arms too tempting to deny. Her brain waved a red flag but when he placed his cheek on the top of her head the red flag turned into a blurry dot. Jude swayed her lightly in his arms, while gently stroking her back. She closed her eyes and let his care wash over her aching self.

He kissed the top of her head.

‘You’re so special.’

Then angled his head down to find her cheek, letting his lips linger against it.

‘My baby.’

His lips moved up & down her cheek, his beard tickling her skin in a familiar fashion.

‘It’s only you.’

She wanted to believe him so badly. She nearly did.

His lips moved further in to find hers. And that’s when she gasped - the kiss from last night flashing in front of her eyes. Him & that girl. Like she could see the two of them live. Like she could feel that girl’s scent on him right now. Like she was the intruder, not that girl. Like she could hear Jude whispering in that girl’s ears the same things that he had just said to her.

She felt sick. 

Ananya struggled to break free of his hold, her sudden desperation alarming him. 

‘LET ME GO.’

Her arms flailed wildly and instinctively, his grip tightened around her in a protective hold.

‘Baby what happen..’

‘I am NOT YOUR BABY. What part of don’t touch me did you not understand?’

She kept struggling and Jude was worried she’d end up hurting herself.

‘Okay. Okay. Just take three deep breaths and I’ll let you go then.’

Desperately needing to get away from him, she did just that and he finally freed her.

Ananya turned her back to him, as her nails dug into her arms, wanting to claw out the other woman’s scent. Or maybe she was the other woman.

Jude didn’t know what hit him. After 2 mins of hope, despair had taken over again.

He could see her half-trembling, holding on to the bed-side table to steady herself, and he couldn’t even comfort her. He felt crippled without his love language of physical touch. It was all so fucked up.

‘I would have told you. Swear to god I would have.’

No response from her. That flustered his nerves even more.

‘When the same thing happened to you, I believed you didn’t I?’

She whipped around with such force that he nearly tumbled back, despite standing a few feet away.

‘What did you just say?’

‘I…when you didn’t tell me…that guy…well, I believed you, yeah?’

Ananya couldn’t believe her ears. And Jude suddenly wished he had never broached this topic.

‘You accused me of secretly harbouring feelings for him. Wanting him as an alternative option. That I was deciding between the two of you for the whole week. Talking about that?’

‘I…eventually I believed you.’

‘Are you implying the two situations are same? ARE YOU?’

She managed to choke out through gritted teeth. Rage and sheer disbelief taking over.

‘I…maybe a bit different.’

‘BIT DIFFERENT? Let’s see. This was your EX. Your fucking FIRST in everything. While Arjun…’

She took his name on purpose, knowing fully well Jude had banned her from ever saying it in front of him. 

’….is just a colleague. Someone I only met 6 months ago. BIG DIFFERENCE.’

‘I hear you…let’s drop this, ok?’

She completely disregarded that.

‘And most importantly - Arjun never touched me. While you kissed your ex YOU FUCKING BASTARD.’

Jude raised both his hands in surrender.

‘I’m sorry ok - let’s forget I said that.’

He was ready to beg to not let her line of thought continue.

‘Unless..’

Dread set deep inside him.

‘No Ananya. Please, no.’

‘Unless you’re saying you would have been ok if Arjun had ‘accidentally’ kissed me that night…coz he really REALLY wanted to.’

PAIN. 

Burning pain seared through him. Fists clenched at his sides, nails cutting through the skin, the sting imperceptible yet welcome. 

She wasn’t done yet.

‘Would you have gotten past that? Forgiven me for it? Especially if I hadn’t told you and you found out how I did? TELL ME.’

The image was drilling a hole in his head. He would rather jump in front of a high-speed train than deal with this thought. Bile rose in his throat and his stomach churned with disgust.

But Jude knew this was make or break. So he summoned all his poise & composure, putting on a brave face.

‘Yes. Because the alternative would have been to let you go, and that is not an option.’

Ananya scoffed derisively, not buying his bullshit for a second. Time to call his bluff and give him a taste of his own medicine.

‘So, you would have gotten over the thought of his lips covering mine, my body pressed into his,  one hand on the back of my neck while the other slid around my waist, wandering lower, pulling me closer to….’

‘STOPPPP!’

Jude was on his knees. Literally. 

Half-bent over the floor. Both hands covering his ears. Face writhing in pain. 

That got her out of her trance. His pain was too much for her to bear, and once again, all fight left her body.

He reached out blindly with one arm, and pulled her close, wrapped his arms around her waist, buried his face in her belly.

Despite herself, her hands went to his shoulders first, and then to his head. When he felt her fingers in his hair, he looked up, chin resting on her belly. The otherwise sparkling eyes were shattered now, moist - imploring and beseeching her to believe him. To become his again.

He tugged at her arm to pull her down to her knees, then crushed her torso to his, holding her like a rare prized possession. 

‘You’re right. I’m a hypocrite, coz I don’t know what all I would have done if the roles were reversed. Would have gone mad maybe. I’m also an asshole coz I know it would never happen no matter how drunk or vulnerable you are. You always know what to do, to say, to do the right thing, and you’d just never let it happen. I’m a gigantic idiot to not read the situation right, should have never ever allowed it to play out like this yet it did and I’m so terribly sorry. Been feeling shitty ever since. I’d do better I promise. But I’m not a cheat Ananya, not with you.’

He broke the hug to cup her face with both hands, slowly pressing their foreheads together.

‘All I know is you’re mine. And I don’t like anything coming in the way of that. Won’t let it. Want you to be as obsessed with me as I am with you. As open with me about your feelings. Tell me if you feel I’m too possessive. Tell me what you don’t want me to do and I won’t do it. Please, can’t we just go back to how we were?’

She looked at his hopeful face. Clearly, life hadn’t taught him the things it had taught her. 

Her naiveté was long gone yet his was so evident. This was someone who was used to things falling in his lap - sooner or later, mostly ahead of time. Unaccustomed to the complexities of relationships. To not having any control when it came to matters of the heart. 

‘Life doesn’t work that way, Jude. Actions have consequences. These things…they…chip away at trust.’

‘But we are stronger than that, I know we are. Hit me, be mad at me, yell at me, punish me however you like but don’t become indifferent. Don’t be cold to me I won’t know what to do with myself.’

Jude grabbed her arms, kissing the length of them, then did the same with her shoulders. 

‘Mine. All of this.’

He kept mumbling in between kisses. She let him - no will or energy left to fight anymore.

But Ananya wasn’t at peace still. She didn’t know what to do or where to go from here. The feeling of her heart breaking into a million pieces this morning was still too fresh.

Jude’s phone buzzed and it looked like he was expecting this one. After typing a quick response, he helped her get up from the floor and settled her on the bed, against the pillows.

Then he went to the door and returned with a bag from their cafe, along with 2 plates. She figured it was Agnes who pinged him.

He put one plate next to her with one egg sandwich and a chocolate muffin. Her favourite.

Taking the other egg sandwich himself, he sat back in her desk chair again, watching her.

Jude didn’t need to ask whether she had eaten anything all day today. So he had sent Agnes away immediately after he dropped him here.

She had no appetite, but she knew he’d be stubborn right now and won’t eat till she does. So, for his sake only, she took one bite and then finished the whole thing quickly. He followed suit, eyes on her throughout.

They sat in silence for a while after that. It was already 11 pm.

‘I need time.’

‘Can see that now.’

‘Can’t magically heal immediately just because you want me to.’

‘Yup can see that too.’

‘If you wanna go back home now it’s fine.’

‘Still moving up the trip to India?’

‘It’s booked & it’s expensive, can’t change that.’

Jude didn’t dare to utter that he could take care of it.

‘Then I’m not going anywhere tonight, unless you kick me out.’

‘Fine. You can sleep in Roma’s room.’

‘It’s ok I’ll take the couch.’

‘You don’t fit on it and you know that.’

‘Roma’s room it is then.’

He stood up awkwardly, not knowing what to do with himself. 

‘There are cookies in the bag.’

She nodded in acknowledgment.

He didn’t know what else to say. Neither did she. So, after a few more stolen looks, he dragged himself away to Roma’s room.

And called Jobe.

She also dialled Roma after he left.

Both sharing their dilemmas in adjoining rooms.

Roma’s advice was to follow her heart. But her heart was treacherous - it wanted to believe him when he said he only went to the private club for the sake of some privacy for his friends, coz the fan attention this time was unlike anything they had seen before. That he had no idea she would show up there. That they were always in a group, never alone together. That the photos and the angles were misleading. 

However, wouldn’t everyone in his position say that? How was she to forget what she had seen with her own eyes? She could tell Jude was having a good time with her, she knew that look.

Ananya tried to sleep. She hadn’t shut her eyes since 8 am today, and it was already 1 am now. Usually, when she was this exhausted, she would pass out in under 2 mins. But tonight, sleep eluded her. Peace eluded her. Clarity eluded her.

So she started walking around the room, watching random cooking reels to distract herself. Something on her desk caught her attention. Next to his wallet was an envelope and a tiny box. He must have kept it there when he emptied his pockets while sitting down.

She moved closer, turning the envelope around. On the front was a line.

‘Merry Christmas Ananya.’

It was Jude’s handwriting. Intrigued, she picked it up. There was a hand-written letter inside. Front & back.

She thought of putting it back, unsure of whether she was supposed to see it now. But curiosity got the better of her. Plus, it was addressed to her after all. She sat on the bed & started reading.

‘My Sweet Dove,

You maybe wondering what this is. Every Christmas, the four of us in my family write letters to each other. Been doing it since forever. Mom says it’s a good way of expressing our feelings to the people who mean the most to us. This year, instead of three letters, I’m writing four. 

Now, I’m not very good at this. Jobe kills it every time (don’t know how, I believe he plagiarises!). Followed by Mum. Dad & I are bang-average but Mum says it’s the thought that counts. 

You maybe wondering why I’m making you read this while sitting in front of you. You’ll see. But for starters, you are not allowed to laugh at my handwriting. I’m trying my best here. Now, here goes.

There is one thing you don’t know about the day we first met. I wasn’t going to come in myself, usually Agnes picks up my order to avoid any attention. But that day, when we parked outside, I saw you from the window. Sitting alone in that tiny cafe, so focused yet so content. Completely at peace with your surroundings. A breath of fresh air. I was drawn to you from that moment itself. So I decided to come in but you know that? I wasn’t sure how to talk to you. And that doesn’t happen with me. (Don’t roll your eyes, I’m not bragging, just stating facts!). 

Thankfully, my poor Spanish skills made you come to my rescue. See, being bad at things can also pay dividends sometimes!

Anyway, we got talking and I could see what a diehard Madridista you were. That just made you extra sexy not gonna lie :)

Since then, the pull just got stronger. Now, if you ask me what draws me to you, I won’t be able to articulate as well as you can. (Used to think I was good with words, then I met you, and now I feel like a fraud, but don’t tell others yeah?)

There’s just something about you. I feel like I’ve manifested you. 

I am aware I’m far from the ideal man you would have imagined, and that I’m not perfect for you by any means but know this - you are perfect for me! Uncannily so. Like it freaks me out sometimes, seriously. 

I know being with me is not easy. I see it taking a toll of my family every day, mostly my Mum. But she is battle-hardened by now. 

In some ways, it’d be hardest for you, especially when we decide to go public. You may not know it yet, but I can see you will handle it beautifully. You’re so like my Mum that way - strong, smart, articulate, and sometimes a little scary (in a sweet way, don’t make a face!).

Time for your gift now :)

Context: I bought this exact same thing for my Mum from my first serious football pay-check. Wanted to show her how much she means to me. How much I appreciate what she does for me. It’s been 6 years, and I’ve bought her a ton of stuff, but she still wears this almost everyday. Will you wear it for me too?

Go on, open it now. And read what’s written at the back also. Then come back to the letter. I’m waiting :)’

In a pool of tears and sobs by now, Ananya somehow grabbed the tiny box, fumbling with it before finding the button to open it.

Inside was a gold plated necklace, in the shape of a heart. At the back, the inscription read - I Love you.

She wailed like someone had died. Tears staining her t-shirt but she didn’t let a single one fall on the letter, coming back to it for the final para.

‘Now you see why I made you do this in front of me? Wanted to see your reaction :)

But I’m sure it’s no surprise. Jobe says he saw it in 20 mins. So you must know it too, yeah? Must have felt it? Because dove, feels like I’ve been in love with you since forever.

P.S - This is under 100 Euros so I didn’t break the rule. Kinda outdid myself with this one, don’t you think? Quite proud of it not gonna lie. Let’s see if you can beat this with yours :)

P.P.S - I know you can and you will!

P.P.P.S - This was my 15th version of the letter, you’d laugh if you see the prior ones.

Your lover boy,

Jude’

Ananya read and re-read the letter over & over. While clutching the pendant to her chest.

Yes she had decided to be dispassionate and listen to her brain more but how could she? When every fibre of her being wanted to run to him right now?

She had to follow her heart. She had to. No one could pretend this much and she wasn’t such a fool to not be able to see through it. Surely he meant this, and everything else that had happened between them. 

Wiping the tears away, she ran to the next room.

Jude was in a restless half-sleep, face-down on the mattress, when he heard her footsteps and woke up alarmed.

He sat on the edge of the bed, as she stood near the door, crying. Clutching the pendant in her hand.

‘Heyy, what’s wrong?’

Jude opened his arms and she ran into them. He lifted her on to his lap, her hands wrapped around his neck, her legs around his waist. Their typical koala hug.

‘Shhhhhh.’

He ran his fingers through her hair, swaying her slightly in his hold. Her tears cutting through him.

Eventually, her sobbing subsided and she pulled away a bit to look at his worried face.

‘Say it again.’

‘I’m so sorry.’

She shook her head.

‘Not that. What you said in the letter - say that.’

In a different situation, he would have teased her endlessly, saying the letter was very long and he wasn’t sure which part she was talking about. But this was not the time for it. 

‘I love you!’

‘Again.’

‘I LOVE YOU!’

‘One more time.’

‘My sweet dove - I love you so much.’

She looked like she could cry again. So he cradled her face in both hands, pressing their foreheads together.

‘Is…love enough?’

‘How could it not be?’

‘Because…failing in love is easier….but staying in love, honouring that commitment is…is where things….’

‘Ananya - I’m not him.’

Speechless, she looked at him with wide eyes.

‘We are different. And you know what? It doesn’t make sense but you & I are stronger. You need to believe in us a little more. You need to stop waiting for it to fail.’

‘Jude…if this…happens again I won’t be able to…’

‘It won’t. I’m never letting anything happen that threatens us like this.’

‘Promise?’

‘Swear on my family!’

‘No, don’t do that. Not your family. Nothing can be worth that. Never swear on your family.’

‘Ok - then I swear on football. That works?’

‘Yes.’

‘Baby, are we ok?’

‘I- I guess so.’

He pulled her into a bone-breaking hug.

‘Ouch….Jude…’

Letting her go, he kissed all over her face, neck and shoulders, letting the feeling seep into his bones. Letting him believe she was here, with him.

When he was still restless after it, Ananya cupped his jaw and kissed his cheeks softly. That did wonders. And he smiled, the shine returning to his eyes. Making her heart ache with fondness.

‘I’m never letting you cry again.’

‘Yeah, you see to that.’

‘Most definitely will.’

‘What if they are happy tears though? Or the ones while watching a movie or something?’

‘You’ll still need my permission, and I’ll say no.’

‘Ok.’

‘Can I put this on you?’

She handed over the pendant to him, pulling her hair to one side so he could clasp it around her neck. Admiring the feel of it once he had put it on.

‘It’s beautiful.’

‘Told you its like you, didn’t I?’

‘Since when have you been planning…’

‘Hit me after talking to Jobe that night, when the three of us were together.’

‘Hmmm.’

Jude pulled her into a soft kiss then, grazing her lips with his, as if re-discovering the feeling all over again. Both sighing at the sensation.

Then, without warning, he lifted her into his arms and stood up.

‘What are you doing?’

‘This room feels weird.’

He carried her back to her room, laying her on the bed, getting in next to her. Immediately, they reached for each other, holding on tightly, limbs intertwined. Air couldn’t pass between them.

‘I wanna see the other versions of the letter.’

‘They are no good.’

‘They are to me. Wanna see everything you wrote.’

‘Ok.’

Two minutes of soft kisses ensued.

‘Dove?’

‘Yeah?’

‘I was terrified today.’

‘Me too.’

‘Say you’re mine.’

‘I’m yours.’

‘Again.’

‘I’m yours.’

‘One more time.’

‘I’ll do you one better.’

‘How?’

She stroked his cheek with the pad of her fingers.

‘I love you.’

‘FINALLY. Was wondering how long you’d go without saying it back. GOSH!’

‘You’re so dramatic.’

‘You bring out the drama in me. All you.’

‘Nonsense. I’m a saint.’

‘Yeah, I disagree!’

‘You need to go home.’

‘Not going anywhere.’

‘It’s Christmas Eve tomorrow. You need to be home for Christmas Eve.’

‘I’d go tomorrow afternoon, will be home late evening. It’s fine.’

‘Sure?’

‘Yes. You can’t make me move from your side for the next 12 hours.’

‘Ok.’

Another minute of soft kisses.

‘You know what would make us feel better right now?’

She craned her neck to look at him suspiciously. 

‘Jude, I can’t….need some time…’

‘For once, I wasn’t talking about that.’

‘Then what?’

‘Sleep. Let’s just sleep.’

‘Great idea. Also, there’s another pillow you know.’

He was laying on her pillow, faces mushed together.

‘I know.’

‘We can use it.’

‘Nope.’

‘Ok.’

‘Goodnight, my love.’

‘Goodnight, baby!’

...................................................................................................

Here you go. 6.4k words.

Folks, this drained the life out of me. Phew!

As always, would love to hear your thoughts / comments / messages. That's what kept me going this time - I was close to giving up mid-way a few times!

[katiemccabeswife]

12 Weeks

Matildas x Aussie!Reader || 12 weeks of recovery and you're back on the pitch in your hometown.

12 weeks. After 3 months of recovery, you were back on the pitch and playing for your country. A knee dislocation may not be the worst injury ever, but the torn ligaments that come with it sure do make the recovery longer than it could be.

Whilst recovery is always more a mental game than physical, it's always worth it when you get to be back on the pitch with your national team in front of a sold-out, record-breaking crowd, in your hometown. You originally weren't sure if you were even going to be selected for the squad after missing the Conti Cup Final with Arsenal and the remaining games of the season, but Tony was assured by the physios over in England that you would be fit for the final games in front of an Aussie crowd before the Olympics, so here you were.

Tony was still cautious with your knee, and left you to warm the bench for the Adelaide game but substituted you on for the second half of the game. There was yet to be a goal when you came on, but the atmosphere surrounding the stadium only begged for one to come soon.

China was full of tough competitors and made for a lot of back and forth, sprinkled with some promising chances which only made Clare's goal in the 48th minute all the more sweeter.

The second goal came from a combination of an easy interception from Viney and Raso's speed making for another celebration when the ball hit the back of the net.

Sitting comfortably ahead relaxed the crowd but the team's constant want for more goals never did. After a close call near China's goal, Macca booted the ball up the pitch and met Steph's head who then controlled the touch and dribbled past the loose defenders. A moment of distraction left you unattended and gave you room to bolt for the incoming cross from your captain.

The ever-so-perfect timing of Steph met your foot perfectly leaving you one-on-one with the goalkeeper. A quick fake to one side had her falling the wrong way, leaving the goal wide open for you.

The sound of the crowd was deafening when the net rippled from the force of the ball and you were quick to run with your arms spread wide, cutting through the harsh cold air of the Aussie winter night.

A quick pivot is all it took for your back to meet the ground. A groan left not only your lips but those watching the big screen which was currently zoomed in on your celebration that was ruined by your knee slipping out of place.

"No, no, no" You cried out and were quick to stand back up and shake your leg around.

"Oi, no sit back down, babe," Ellie was the first one to you and forced you back to the ground.

"I'm fine Els, I swear, I promise," The tears that were flowing from your eyes spoke differently, "Just let me get up, I can walk, I swear!" When the medics made their way to you, you tried to push them away and convince them that you were alright. "It doesn't even hurt!" You shouted at them. Embarrassment filled you as your teammates and 76,998 other people watched you cry on the pitch.

Steph was there right next to you in seconds, soothing your hair and whispering gentle words, "It's alright, y/n/n, if nothing really is wrong, you can get back up and play, if not you'll also be ok, yeah? We're all here for you, you'll be alright," She kissed your sweaty head but her comfort was doing little to help. The Olympics were right around the corner, you didn't have another 12 weeks to heal and even if you did, there was no way Tony would choose you over a completely healthy player like Hayley or Caitlin.

You looked up at Steph with dread written all over your face, you knew you had re-dislocated your knee and that you wouldn't be fit for the Olympics but admitting that was going to be a hard pill to swallow. By looking at Steph's face, you knew she knew as well that you weren't going to be able to get up and play the remaining 20 minutes of the game. She took your face between her hands and looked you dead in the eye, "It's ok, chook, you being ok is the main priority right now, try not to worry about anything else, ok?" You nodded solemnly and looked towards the medics who were pushing painfully around your knee.

"I dislocated it again," You spoke softly to the woman looking at your face, gauging your reaction to her prodding. She nodded in agreement before asking if you could walk and with the help of her and Steph you were up on your feet, thanking the crowd surrounding you as they clapped you off.

While you weren't going to be playing the rest of the game, there was no way you were going to miss watching it so you sat down next to Lydia and rested your head on her shoulder as the medic strapped an ice pack around you knee. The tightening of the strap brought another round of tears to your eyes and Lydia rubbed your arm comfortingly with her hand that was slung around your shoulders, "It'll be ok, chick," She spoke, so similarly to Steph.

"Thanks, Lyds," The phrase had been thrown around a lot the past few days but her actions proved just how much she deserved all the thanks she was receiving, not only for being an exceptional footballer but also an exceptional person and friend.

The ball was being passed around aimlessly in the centre of the pitch, giving Tony a moment to step away from the sideline to find you and squat down in front you you, his hand resting on your good knee, "How does it feel?" He asked with a cringe.

You shrugged miserably, "It doesn't hurt as much as the first time, it kind of just aches," You looked down at it and frowned at the apparent swelling already rising.

Tony ruffled your hair lightly as he rose, "You're strong kid, remember we're all here for you, even me," He winked jokingly, "If you ever need someone to call, any one of us will be happy to answer, isn't that right?" He shouted down the bench to Caitlin who nodded obliviously making you and Tony laugh. He pointed at you sternly, "If you ever, ever, need anything, I'm just a phone call away, kid," He patted your shoulder once you had nodded in understanding before walking back to the sideline.

"I'm proud of you chicky," Lydia mumbled to you.

"Thanks, Lyds"

It's been a while!! Sorry for not writing, just haven't really felt like it, and guess what... dislocated my knee for the second time in three months just before the tillies game on monday!! you best believe i still went and hobbled in on my crutches though.

[arsenal-womens-1]

In the blink of an eye

People often use the saying "your life can change in the blink of an eye" a lot. Six weeks ago, you understood what the saying meant. One day, you were taking a silly DNA test for fun with your friends. The next thing you know, you find out your whole life is a lie when you get the DNA results back. It turns out the people who said they were your birth parents are not, in fact, your biological parents; they kidnapped you.

For six weeks, you've kept a huge secret. It's eating at you. Leah Williamson is your sister. For six weeks, you've been going to training, playing, eating, and talking with your biological sister, and she has no clue about your secret. How were you supposed to tell someone they're your sister when you were kidnapped at six months old? You can't even look at her. People have started to notice that you can't look at her and that you are avoiding her as much as possible.

You have been staying with Beth and Viv for about five weeks now. You couldn't go back to that house, not after what you found out. Beth and Viv don't know the real reason; they just think that your mum and dad went back to live in Spain. Your head is a mess, questioning who you are, why did they take you. Would your life have been different? Would you have gotten into football? All these "what ifs," you would never get the answers to any of them.

It hurts, knowing that you would never get the answers to why they took you and stuff like that. Hearing a knock at your door, you get up. Standing in front of you was the one person that you didn't want to see. “Hey, you ready to go? Beth and Viv are waiting in the living room.” Nodding your head, you walk past her and into the living room where you see a bunch of footballers walking over to where all the shoes are kept. You pick a random pair.

After you put them on, you walk over to where Beth and Viv are, giving a weak smile to Viv. She looks at you; it's clear you had been crying at some point. “You ok, kid?” Giving her another weak smile, you nod your head. Hearing Kim shout, “We will all meet at the restaurant, everyone drive safe,” as all the footballers pile out of the tiny apartment. You, Viv, Beth, Leah, and Jordan are the last to pile out. Walking to the car, Beth and Leah were whispering to each other about something.

Pulling out your phone, you take a picture of your outfit, posting it on your Insta and Snap stories. You stop at the car, waiting for Viv to open it. When she does, you get in; Jordan was in the middle, and Leah was on the other side. The car ride was quiet for the most part. Getting out of the car, you walk into the restaurant. Beth, Viv, Leah, and Jordan weren't that far behind. Alessia and Ella come over; you know them from England.

You got your first call-up two months before the Euros, and I guess Sarina liked the way you play, as you got the call to join the team for the Euros. It's now November 1st; life has been crazy since you won. Walking to the table, you sit more away from your Arsenal teammates. The night went well; everyone was happy and talking to each other. It's now the next day; you had a game today, so you need to get there at 5 am because it's a 12:30 kick-off.

Getting up, you slip on a hoodie and joggers, trying to shake off the weight of your secret. As you head out the door, you walk to the kitchen where some of the Arsenal girls are; some stayed over last night. Beth passes you a coffee. "Hey," she says, her voice soft and it has a hint of tiredness in it. "Are you okay? You seemed a bit off last night." You force a smile, hoping to deflect her worry. "Yeah, just tired, I guess. Big day ahead."

Giving another forced smile, you walk over to the couch and flop down next to Jen. The news was on the TV; nothing interesting, so you just go on TikTok and watch some fan edits showing Jen. A few here and there were of to the training center; it's cold as it's like -4. As you arrive at the training center, each step you take is heavier than the last, burdened by the weight of your secret. Your mind is a whirlwind of conflicting emotions.

Jen's concerned gaze follows you, her eyes silently pleading for you to confide in her, but you just can't bring yourself to do it. Not yet. Inside the training center, the familiar sights and sounds offer little comfort. Your mind keeps drifting back to Leah. How do you face her knowing what you know? The guilt threatens to consume you whole. As the bus parks up, you catch Leah's eyes. For a moment, it feels like she can see right through you, like she knows the truth.

You quickly look away, unable to bear the weight of her gaze. She was just a teammate six weeks ago, and now she is your sister. Well, I guess she always has been, but you didn't know. Getting on the coach, you sit next to Katie, Catlin, Steph; you don't really talk to them. The game was a blur; yous won 2-0. After taking photos with fans, you walk down the tunnel where Leah, Beth, Katie, and Georgia Stanway are.

Leah walks over to you; as you try to walk away, she gently grabs your arm. “Hey, can we talk?” You just shake your head, and you try to pull your hand away. “What have I done to you to make you hate me?” You shake your head. “I don't hate you, Leah.” She still has your hand in her grasp. “You can't look at me; you don't talk to me, and you won't tell anyone what's going on.”

You do the only thing you can think to get her to let go of you. The connection of your hand connects to her face echoes through the tunnel. The girls come over and quickly separate you. Beth comes up to you and pulls you around the corner. “What's going on? Leah just wanted to know if she did something; why did you slap her?” Looking at Beth, the concern for you and a bit of anger for slapping Leah, you couldn't bear it any longer.

You let all the emotions out, letting a sob rip through you. Beth steps forward and gently pulls you into a hug so your head is resting on her shoulder. “She-I'm-” She tries to calm you down. “She's my sister.” Letting another sob rip through your body, you feel Beth tense under you. “What are you talking about?” Wiping your head around, you see Leah standing there.

[carlottawllms]

The Night I Nearly Lost You

Mason Mount x Reader Angst / Fluff Word Count: 6.7K TW: mentions of accident and injuries (nothing descriptive or too bad)

I really hope you’ll like this one! Enjoy <3 As always, feedback is very much appreciated.

With the way you’d already gotten up on the wrong side of the bed, you should’ve known that staying in the warm heaven would’ve probably been the best solution for everyone.

Not only had you woken up in a cold sweat after a terrifying nightmare, but then the water in the much-needed shower just wouldn’t get warm and as if that hadn’t been enough bad news already, on top of all that your coffee machine had failed.

You should’ve just called it a day, but with the responsibilities adult life brought, it just wasn’t that simple.

Technically, it was your day off today, but as a paediatric nurse in the PICU in a London hospital that was understaffed and impaired by several sick colleagues, you never really had a day off – unless you weren’t home.

But since you’d nothing planned for today anyway, you’d agreed to being on standby in case someone was needed. Especially as the sick children shouldn’t suffer just because the health care sector was barely supported by the country’s politics.

And apart from that, you really loved your job. Sure, it was a challenging one – mentally and physically – and it could leave you crying in the on-call-room every once in a while, because the moments when there was nothing that could be done for a sick child anymore were far too devastating.

But then there were also the wonderful moments when children, cured of their illnesses, were able to leave the hospital. And seeing the children running down the hall, healthy and with grins on their faces and their relieved families, knowing you’d played a small part in that too, made it all worthwhile.

Just as you’d sat down on the sofa, your coffee ready for a relaxed afternoon on the sofa, your phone rang: Jessy. The deputy head of care service.

“Hi Jessy.”

“y/n, I’m very sorry to call this early, but Mary just called in sick and without her Helen would be on her own.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m on my way, I should be there in 15.”

You knew the drill, having done it countless of times already so at this point putting your shoes and jacket on, grabbing your bag and some snack within less than 3 minutes was second nature to you.

Traffic in London was always bad and especially in the late afternoons so with going some rather unconventional routes you hoped to beat the worst parts of the traffic so it wouldn’t take you too long to arrive.

And apparently for the first time today luck seemed to be on your side, as all the traffic lights turned green just in time for you to avoid having to stop altogether, but it left you the moment you crossed the last set of lights as the last thing you heard was a very loud horn and then everything went dark.

*

“Nah seriously mate, he’s jokes.”, Mason laughed, as he patted Luke on the back.

After a fairly draining training session, that had left his legs aching and burning, all Mason had wanted was to go home and flop down on his sofa with as little movement as possible, but instead he was now sat between Luke and Licha in one of the restaurants not far from Carrington.

The guys had talked about grabbing some early dinner together after the session and when they’d asked him to join, he’d not been able to refuse. They’d happily accepted him as part of the family, so who was he to say no to an invitation.

“Honestly though, I know him from the England squad like, Rashy can confirm that an-“, Mason interrupted himself when a name he’d not expected to see ever again flash up on his phone. “Hang on for a sec, I need to take this.”

He grabbed his phone as he left the table quickly, his heart beating out of his chest. After everything that had happened and not being on speaking terms for about 8 months, he hadn’t expected to ever hear from you again and seeing your name now brough feelings to the surface he’d buried six feet under.

After taking a deep, but shaky breath, he answered the phone. “y/n?”

“This is Elizabeth Brown from St. Thomas Hospital London, am I speaking to Mr. Mason Mount?”

“Yes, that’s me.”, he answered, his body suddenly feeling all cold. The hospital?

He knew he should be more careful with things like that. After years of being in the football business he knew that fans went down questionable paths to get information, but the moment the woman mentioned the hospital – the one you didn’t work at – his mind went blank.

“Erm…you said hospital? Is…is she okay?” Mason tried to stay calm although his heart was beating out of his chest. It was never a good sign when the hospital called and judging by the sick feeling in his gut, this wouldn’t be a good call either.

“Mr. Mount, I’m sorry, but Ms. y/l/n was involved in an accident and brought in a couple of minutes ago, she was rushed into surgery for treatment on several injuries, that’s all I can tell you right now. She had you saved as her emergency contact, is there any way you could come?”

There was a bit of a pause as he was too shocked to say anything. He tried to take steady and even breaths, but they just came out faltering, only adding to the lightheaded feeling.

“I erm…” Mason grabbed a hold of the railing close by. His legs were shaking, and he felt like he was going to faint any second. The accident…the surgery…you injured… “I’m actually not…we erm…we broke up 8 months ago and erm…I’m not in London…I-“

“You’re her only emergency contact.”, the woman explained kindly. “You can call family and ask them to come, but we’re not allowed to just call someone else.”

Running his hand over his face, he took a deep breath, trying not to panic as he thought about the options he had.

Unfortunately, there weren’t very many. You didn't have a very good relationship with your family – something that had always been hard for you - so he couldn't notify any of them. Your friends in London were not well disposed towards him since the break-up so apart from driving himself, he only had the option of asking Ben.

But you’d still saved him as your emergency contact so maybe he should actually go? Was it just because you’d forgotten to change it? Or had you meant for it to stay the same? But that wouldn’t make any sense, would it?

“Mr. Mount?”

“Yeah, sorry.”, he mumbled, running his hand through his hair. “I erm…I’ll see what I can do. I’ll either come down myself, which would take a couple of hours, or I’ll send Benjamin Chilwell. Can you erm…can you put that down somewhere, so he’s allowed to come in?”

“Yes, of course, no problem at all.”

“Thank you, Mrs. erm?”

“Brown.”

“Right, sorry. Thank you, Mrs. Brown.”  

“That’s okay.”, she told him. “Our doctors will do everything to make sure she’s alright. The surgery will require some time and then Ms. y/l/n will still be out due to the anaesthesia. So please don’t rush.”  

After the call ended, Mason took a moment. He leaned his head against the wall, eyes closed and willing to hold back the tears. His heart was beating out of his chest and with the sick feeling rising in his stomach he was afraid he was gonna vomit any second.

He knew there was only one right thing to do, but for some reason he didn’t think he should actually go. Your relationship hadn’t necessarily ended on good terms and as he’d been the one who’d fucked it up, surely you wouldn’t want to see him out of all people. Maybe he really should call Ben and ask him to go?

“I thought you go- Hey, Mase, is everything okay? What’s wrong?”

“I erm…the hospital called me, y/n was in an accident and…I don’t know if she’ll make it.”

Mason couldn’t explain it, but it was the moment he said it out loud that he truly realised it, that it became real. You’d been in an accident, the person he still cared so deeply about had been in an accident and rushed into surgery, and there was nothing he could do.

“y/n as in your ex?”, Luke asked, and Mason nodded as tears sprung into his eyes.

“Luke, what if the last thing I ever told her was that I couldn’t see a future with her? What if I never get to tell her just how sorry I am for everything I said and that I never meant it? That I was just scared and-“

“Hey, stop. Mase, you need to breathe.” Luke grabbed him by the shoulders as Mason was slowly starting to panic. “This is y/n we’re talking about. She’s a fighter, okay? She’ll make it and then you get to tell her you’re sorry and all that, okay? But right now I need you not to panic.”

Mason took a couple of deep breaths to get himself back under control and once his erratic breathing had calmed down a little, Luke let go of him. He was right, you’d always been a fighter and there was no way you’d stop being one now.

“Is there anything I can do?”

“No, I…they asked me to come down to London. Apparently, y/n has still saved me as her emergency contact, but erm…I don’t think I should go, you know?” Mason ran his hand through his hair again. “Things ended so badly, like I fucked up so much and I don’t think I should go…I just don’t think she would want to see me out of all people…it’s just that…she’s alone and…I should ask Ben to go and see her. I think they still talk and-“

“No, Mase.”, Luke shook his head. “I understand that there’s a lot going on for you right now and yes, maybe she just forgot to change it, but we don’t know that. Maybe this is your chance to make it all right, you know? I get you’re scared, but you should go and see her. Be there for her when she wakes up.”

“What if it just makes things worse? Luke, I hurt her so much and pushed her away when I should’ve just…I don’t know.”

“Okay.”, Luke sighed. “I do understand what you mean and why you’re scared, but Mase the moment she wakes up in hospital with wires attached to her body, she’ll be shocked and scared with hundreds of things on her mind, but your break-up won’t be one of those things. She’ll just be relieved to have someone by her side. You really should go.”  

A few minutes, in which Mason thought about his friend's words, passed. Luke was probably right, and he worried unnecessarily, but what if you really didn't want to see him? What if you just sent him away the moment you saw him?

“C’mon Mase, you and I we both know what the right thing is. Don’t be a coward and send Ben. I don’t know what really happened between you and her, but if she actually meant to keep you as her emergency contact, waking up with the realisation that you rejected her and instead sent Ben would break her heart all over again.”

Mason sighed and nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll erm…I’ll grab myself a coffee and head down to London.”

“Call the gaffer on the way, tell him about the family emergency and he’ll understand. Just be there for her okay?”

-

Without any preparation Mason jumped into the car, leaving Luke to explain why he’d just left so suddenly and made his way down to London.

After calling the gaffer and him unsurprisingly being very understanding of the whole situation, Mason’s thoughts kept travelling around one thing.

You.

You’d been the best thing that had ever happened to him and until today, he couldn’t believe he’d so royally fucked it up and lost you.

First, he’d sworn to himself he’d make it right and fight for you, but then he’d waited too long and too much time had passed. He’d convinced himself you didn’t want him to fight anymore. And he’d tried to convince himself that he didn’t love you anymore, that he’d just move on and find someone else.

But now that he was faced with the terrifying truth that he might not even get to see you ever again, he regretted everything even more. He knew he should’ve at least told you how sorry he was, and that the problem had never been you. What if you’d just left this world without knowing just how loved you’d truly been? What if all he was left with from now on was knowing you as a memory?

The four hours to London passed more quickly than he’d expected, and he found himself in front of the hospital. Just like Luke had asked, Mason shot him a quick message, letting him know he’d arrived safely and with one last deep breath he made his way into the building.

He tried to cross the hall quickly in an attempt to draw as little attention as possible, but when more people turned and stared, he realised he probably should’ve worn a cap and swapped his training gear for a dark hoodie and sweatpants.

“Hi, I’m looking fo-“

“Holy shit, you’re Mason Mount.” The way the receptionist gasped and stared at him with wide eyes made Mason feel incredibly uncomfortable. He buried his hands in his pockets and dropped his head as more people now turned to look at what was happening.

“Listen, I’m looking for someone. I was called for y/n y/l/n. Where can I find her?”

“I can’t believe it’s Mason Mount right in front of me. I’ll have a look in a minute, can we just quickly take a photo?”

The audacity this woman had was beyond him and it took him a lot to stay calm and level-headed when all he wanted was to scream at her to let him know where he could find you. He was in the right mind to push her off the chair and search through the system himself.

“I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I really don’t have any intention of taking photos with anyone here right now. And if you don’t want me knocking on every single door in this hospital, I kindly ask you again to let me know where I can find Ms. y/l/n.”

The woman looked a little shocked, probably not expecting him to put his foot down like that and depending on how butthurt she was, he could imagine her posting shit about him on social media in a bit, but in this moment, he simply didn’t give a shit about his own reputation. All he wanted was to go and see you.

“Oh erm…yes of course. It’s erm…” She clicked a couple of times, seemingly stressed as she looked for your information, before she nodded. “There it is. Floor 5, room 129.”

“Thank you.”, Mason smiled tightly before rushing off towards the elevators. There were three of them and the scoreboard of all of them showed 8. “Fuck.”, he muttered as he quickly decided to take the stairs.

Whilst running up the 5 stories, he prayed you weren’t out of anaesthesia yet as he desperately didn’t want you to wake up alone with no one by your side.

It hadn't been that long since he’d had his own surgery and he knew how relieving it was to have someone sitting by the bedside. He couldn't imagine how much worse it had to be for you, since yours hadn’t been a scheduled one and you were just thrown into this situation. 

Barely out of breath – a perk of being a professional athlete – he took the very last step and opened the huge door. Against his expectations he wasn’t met with the ward, but a regular room, equipped with a desk and sealed stacks of hospital gowns and masks.

A young nurse stood up the moment he entered. It was clear from her reaction that she’d recognised him too, but unlike the receptionist, she pulled herself together after a millisecond.

“Mr. Mount.”, the woman smiled. “Visiting hours are over, is there anything I can help you with?”

“Yes, I was called for y/n y/l/n. She had an accident and I’m the emergency contact.”

“Oh yes, okay. My colleague left me a notification saying that someone would come to see Ms. y/l/n.”

“How is she?” Mason noticed how his voice was a little shaky, the stifling atmosphere only a hospital could create and the burning fear you couldn’t make it through eventually taking a toll on him.

“She came out of surgery about 10 minutes ago and she’s stable. She’s made it through the hard part, Mr. Mount.”, the nurse explained kindly. “When you put these on, you can go and see her. It’s always better for patients to have someone by their side when they wake up.”

As quickly as possible, Mason pulled the blue visitors gown over his clothes before the nurse helped him with the mask.

“It’s room 129. She should be asleep for a while longer, but once she wakes up press the call button, please? I’ll have to check a couple of things.”

“Yeah, sure. Thank you.”

„Oh and you can take the mask off once you’re in the room. It’s just important to wear it on the corridor as there’s critical patients on this floor.“

With a key and a smile, she opened the door that sported ICU in big white letters on the frosted glass. It was 9.30pm and accordingly the corridor was quiet and empty, as Mason made his way to the room the nurse had pointed out.

His legs felt like jello and the way his heart was thundering in his chest, made him wonder if it could burst a ribcage. He couldn’t remember ever having felt this sick, but when he opened the door and saw you, his heart dropped to his stomach.

“y/n.”, he whispered as he felt his heart breaking in his chest.

There you were, asleep in bed with wires and tubes attached to your body. You looked fragile, your face pale. There was a huge gash across your eyebrow, several scratches on the parts of your arms he could see and as his eyes travelled lower, he spotted the cast around your hand and wrist.

The even beeping of the machines, monitoring your heartrate were as reassuring as upsetting, reminding him that it could be over in any moment. As the door fell closed with a gentle thud and he was finally alone with you, tears welled up in his eyes, quickly falling down his cheeks whilst he walked closer to your bed.  

“You need to be okay. Please, y/n.”

Never before had he felt this helpless and lost, this broken and all he wanted was to make you feel better, but looking at you, he didn’t know how. He didn’t know how to be the strong person when it had always been you who’d guided him through every storm.

Hesitantly, Mason reached out and grabbed your good hand in his as he sat down as close to your bed as possible, his eyes trained on the way your chest rose and fell evenly and the movements alone calmed him down a little. You’d be okay. You had to be.

He sat there for what felt like forever, holding your hand and stroking your skin whilst watching over every breath you took and the longer he stared at you the more he realised just how much he’ missed you and how much of an idiot he’d been.

He’d tried to keep it buried six feet under, but now that you’d nearly slipped through his fingers forever, it was like a slap across his face. He still loved you with everything he had.

“I’m so fucking sorry.” Mason lowered his head until he could place a soft kiss to the back of your hand. “Please wake up, y/n. I need one chance to tell you that I miss you and that I love you and that I wish I was yours again.”

For the next hour and half, Mason never left your side. The nurse came in once and reassured him, that you still sleeping was totally normal. She updated him on your injuries and told him that he could stay for as long as he wanted to, but he was sure that even if she’d called the security to remove him, he would’ve fought them and stayed.

Mason couldn’t remember when he’d placed his head on the mattress next to your leg and closed his eyes, but he must’ve fallen asleep a little and it was only when the beeping of the machines changed that he shot up from his position. His neck felt a little stiff, but he didn’t really pay any attention to it as your heart rate had suddenly picked up.

Unsure, if it was a good or a bad sign and if she should press the call button for the nurse, he observed you a little while longer. The cute little crease he used to kiss away appeared between your brows and in a flash, memories of better times rushed past him. Memories in which you woke up from a nap in his arms, tired eyes and a small smile on your face.

The light in the room seemed to be too bright for your liking as it took you a couple of attempts to open your eyes properly, but when you eventually did, he could easily spot the confusion on your features.

Frantically, your gaze flickered around the room, your bed, the cast on your arm and eventually to Mason’s hand still firmly clasped around yours. He could feel his insecurity skyrocketing and blushed deeply. He’d overstepped, hadn’t he?

But as he attempted to pull his hand away, you just tightened your hold on his.

Panic and fear, that’s what Mason saw in your usually so warm and gentle eyes when you raised your head and looked at him. It broke his heart to see you like this and whilst he really wanted to help, he didn’t know how.

“It’s okay.”, he whispered. “I’m right here.”

You had no idea what had happened, why you were in what looked like a hospital and why Mason of all people was sitting by your bed holding your hand but you knew one thing for sure: You didn’t want him to let go.  

Because despite your past, right now he was all you knew and the only familiar thing that gave you some sort of comfort and reassurance in the midst of panic.

The constant beeping around you, the unfamiliar surroundings and most of all the fact you couldn’t remember what had happened scared you. You felt restrained, your head pounded, and everything hurt and when the door suddenly opened flinched.

“Hey, it’s okay, yeah?” Mason squeezed your hand gently. “You’re okay.”

“My name is Ally.”, the young nurse smiled. “I know you must be very confused right now, but I need to ask you a couple of questions, okay?”

You looked at Mason, unsure if you wanted to speak to her, but when he just nodded and smiled you focused back on the nurse. “Okay.”

Your voice was raspy as you attempted to speak, your sore throat making it somewhat impossible, but before you could even ask for some water, Mason held the cup with the straw out for you to take a sip.

The nurse waited for you to finish before starting with a series of questions about yourself and how you’d ended up here and you tried your best to answer them, but as much as you tried to remember, the memory of what had happened didn’t come back.

“An accident is a traumatic experience, so it is quite normal that your brain tries to protect you and hold back the disturbing memories. Please do not worry about this. The surgery went well and if your condition remains the same, we can move you to the normal ward as early as tomorrow.”

She carefully removed some of the wires from your body, leaving you with just the clip on your finger that observed your heart rate.

“I’ll be outside whenever you need me.”, she smiled. “You can use the free bed, Mr. Mount. Sleeping in a chair isn’t the most comfortable.”

And with that you and Mason were back to yourselves. It was quiet for a moment as neither of you really knew what to do or say and as much as you’d love to ask why he was here, you didn’t think you were strong enough to have any kind of conversation right now. You were exhausted, still shocked from what the nurse had told you and above all, you were confused.

A couple of months ago, Mason had broken your heart and left you on your own to pick up the pieces. You should hate him and tell him to go, but you couldn’t. This feeling of comfort and safety only he could provide enveloped you as you focused back on him.

But you were aware he had responsibilities and probably needed to leave soon.

“You don’t have to stay.”, you mumbled, eyes dropping to where your hand was still tightly held by his. “I know you have training and-“

“Do you want me to go, y/n?”, Mason asked quietly, desperately hoping you’d say no. He didn’t want to leave you, but he knew he had no right to just stay. Not after having broken your heart and left you behind like something unimportant.

“I erm…” A shy smile flickered over your face, and you squeezed Mason’s hand. “I’d actually like you to stay.”

“Okay then. I’ll stay.”, he whispered, voice full of emotions. He felt as if he was 10 pounds lighter and the relief rushing through his veins gave him a little high as he got up from the chair and let you know he’d grab the bag of clothes he always kept in his car for emergencies.

“I’ll grab some things from my car, but I promise I’ll be back in a bit, yeah?”

With a fond smile on your face you nodded and you expected him to leave, but to your and probably his surprise, he leaned down and kissed you softly on your forehead. “I’m so glad you’re okay, y/n.”

Mason practically ran to his car and then back up as he didn’t want to leave you alone for too long and once, he was back and had changed into a t-shirt and shorts, he moved the bed the nurse had pointed out for him to use, as close to yours as possible.

You were still pretty exhausted and the lingering pain obvious on your features, but you seemed to fight the sleep trying to catch up with you. Your eyes constantly looked for Mason and it wasn’t long until he figured out why.

“Hey, I’ll still be here in the morning, okay? I won’t leave you alone, I promise.”, he told you softly before shuffling closer to you and turning onto his side so he could face you properly. “Go to sleep y/n. I’ll stay awake, yeah?”

Instead of answering, you straightened your arm until your hand was on his bed, palm up and only when Mason wrapped his hand around your smaller one did you close your eyes.

Mason’s heart squeezed in his chest. The moment a perfect reminder of that one hot summer night, he’d convinced you to sleep outside in his garden on nothing but thin mattresses. You’d both been lying on your backs, staring at the beautiful night sky. Whilst counting the stars, you’d absentmindedly reached your hand out and grabbed his and the moment had burned itself into his brain.

Whilst he watched you fall asleep peacefully, the tip of his finger just about caressed your warm skin. It was something he loved doing. Your skin was always so soft and warm and welcoming and whilst he knew you loved his touch, it was also an action that never failed to calm himself down.

Once he knew you were fast asleep, he settled down himself, body angled towards you and hand still wrapped around yours, but although he knew you were okay, sleep wouldn’t take over as he constantly needed to check you were still breathing fine.

But at some point he must’ve fallen into a light slumber, as he was awoken by your quiet whimpering. Mason shot up into a sitting position and wiped over his face in an attempt to wake up properly.

You were still asleep, but there were tears rolling down your cheeks and the way your body shook had Mason terrified you’d hurt yourself even more.

“Hey, y/n. Wake up, love.” He shuffled over and into your bed. Mindful of your injured body, he carefully pulled you against his chest as best as he could, arms wrapping tightly around your shaking frame. “C’mon, y/n. Wake up, it’s just a nightmare.”

He tapped your cheek lightly in an attempt to wake you up and get you out of that horrendous dream that was torturing your poor soul and the moment you gasped and opened your eyes, he let go of a deep breath.

“Mase!”, you choked, the images of your dream still burned into your mind, but the way he held you close to him helped you calm down slowly but surely and when you felt him pressing his lips to the top of your head as he gently rocked your body from side to side whilst whispering reassuring words, you relaxed into his chest.  

For a while you just stayed there, calming your rapid breathing with the help of his even heartbeat right under your ear and in that moment, you realised how easy it was to just ignore your past and just feel safe in his hold.

“Why did you come here?”

Your question hit him out of the blue and Mason was confused for a second what you were referring to, but then he realised.

“You’ve still saved me as your emergency contact.”, he explained quietly. “The hospital called me and told me about your condition and asked me to come see you. I wanted to send Ben first cause I didn’t think you’d want to see me, but then I just…I don’t know, I just couldn’t live with the thought of rejecting you and not coming to help you, you know?”

You didn’t say anything, too overwhelmed by the fact that despite not speaking for about 8 months, he’d made his way down to London to be there for you.

Maybe the two of you still had a chance? When he was willing to drop just everything and drive 4 hours for you, then why should you stay stuck in the past yourself?

“Can you please stay?”, you whispered, face pressing a little more into his chest as you felt your cheeks heating up.

“Of course.”

“No, I mean with me here…like…in my bed and…hold me?”

“I’ll hold you for as long as you want me to.”

“Forever then.”, was what you thought, but you knew you couldn’t say it out loud. Not yet at least. Instead, you sighed deeply. “Thank you, Mase. Also, for coming here.”

“Anything for you, love.”

It was the second time the pet name slipped out, but this time you could hear it and whilst Mason’s heart dropped to his stomach in fear of having overstepped, yours warmed in your chest.

The way his hand was running through your hair and up and down your spine relaxed you like nothing else ever could and it wasn’t long until you were back asleep in his arms.

“I’ll fight for you, y/n.”, he whispered as he watched you sleeping peacefully on his chest, something he didn’t think he’d ever get to see again. “I promise I’ll never leave you again unless you send me away.”

Mason dropped a gentle kiss to the top of his head before he closed his eyes and let himself drift off as well.

-

When the gentle rays of the morning sun had woken up both of you, you’d stayed cuddled up with each other for a while, simply enjoying a moment neither of you were sure would happen again.

He’d meant to speak to you about everything straight away, but the doctor and nurse came to do their rounds shortly after he’d gotten up and brushed his teeth, so he had to postpone the inevitable for a little while longer.

They explained what they’d done in surgery, that everything had gone well, and you would be transferred to the normal ward before lunch. You asked a couple of questions about recovery times and what kind of support you’d need and to Mason’s relief you seemed to be a lot better than what he’d expected.

And then, the both of you were back on your own.

The atmosphere was a little tense, the events of the night before hanging above you both and whilst you felt a little lighter about the whole situation, you still needed some sort of explanation for closure.

“I think we should talk.”, you mumbled, heart beating out of your chest. The night before had felt as if everything was okay and whilst you’d loved being back in his arms there was still this deep settled worry gnawing on your insides.

You patted the edge of your bed, signalling him that despite the serious conversation ahead, you wanted him to be somewhat close.   

“Why did you do it?”, you asked once Mason had sat down.

“I was scared.”, he admitted quietly, not needing you to be more specific with your question. “I fell so bloody hard for you that the thought of you ever leaving me…it just…it just messed with me. I already knew I’d most likely move to Manchester, and you’d just started that new job and…god I’m so fucking sorry I was such a coward.”

Ashamed, Mason dropped his head, fingers playing with the white bedsheets. He felt like shit and like the biggest idiot in the world. Instead of talking to you, he’d made up his mind that you’d break up with him anyway and to save himself from the pain, he’d done it first and ruined both of your lives in the process.

“There’s no excuse for what I did, but I need you to know that I am incredibly sorry. Ever since I left your flat that night, I haven’t stopped regretting the things I said and how I made you feel, how much I hurt you.”

Mason ran his shaking hand through his hair, heart beating out of his chest as he tried to keep himself together.

“I should’ve talked to you, I know, but I’d somehow made up my mind already, convinced you’d end things and let me go on my own because…we’re both not made for a long-distance relationship and…I just…the way I felt for you was so special and so rare and I just got so scared.”

“Felt?” Your voice was small and hesitant and when Mason looked up and saw the tears rolling down your cheeks, his heart broke all over again. He hated himself for how much pain he’d caused you in the past and how now it was happening again.

“Feel.”, he whispered, terrified of admitting it as chances were you didn’t feel the same anymore, but he needed to get it all off his chest to keep the tiny hope you’d take him back alive.

“I still love you, y/n. The truth is, I love you so much it scares the shit out of me because I know I’ll never be able to love anyone the way I love you. From the moment I met you, I knew you were special and that’s why it still hurts so much. I had the best person ever in my life and I fucked it up.”

“Mase.”, you sniffled, trying to hold your own tears back as you whipped Mason’s off his reddened cheeks. “Please don’t cry.”

“It’s ridiculous I know. I am the one who ruined the best thing ever and now I’m sitting here crying whilst you were the one I put through so much, but when they called yesterday, I thought I’d never get to tell you how sorry I am and how much you mean to me and I realised that I might never get the chance to hold you again and to tell you how much I love you and…I’m just such an idiot for pushing you away when all I ever wanted was to be with you”

His sobs and words were breaking your heart. Yeah, he’d hurt you, but it was obvious that he’d hurt himself too. Very much so and whilst you’d always wondered what it would take to heal fully from your break-up, you now realised that there was no way you’d ever get over it unless you faced the challenge and gave him a second chance.

A chance you knew he deserved. He’d dropped everything in Manchester, probably even went through the horror moment of calling his new manager and telling him he wouldn’t be able to attend training, only to then drive four hours to the capital to be here for you.

If he hadn’t cared, he would’ve sent Ben. But he hadn’t. And you appreciated it more than you could ever explain.

“I understand, Mase.”, you mumbled, pulling him into your chest and holding him close whilst you both cried in each other’s embrace.

“It’s not okay and it will take a while to be okay because you’ve hurt me a lot, but I accept your apology.”, you managed to say after a while, causing him to cry a little more and you gently ran your hand through his hair, scratching his scull in an attempt to calm him down. “Look at me please?”

When he pulled his face out of your neck and his bloodshot eyes found yours, you smiled at him softly.

“Yeah, you hurt me a lot and those last 8 months have been hell, but you’re here now and yes it will take a while to come to terms with it all, but Mase, I still love you too. I love you to bits and although I’ve really tried, I couldn’t get over you. There’s always been this pathetic hope to get you back someday.”, you sniffled as you sent him a teary smile. “Being without you was terrible and I don’t want to go through that again. You’re here now and we need to work on a lot of things and talk a little more, but I do want you back – if you’ll have me that is.”

Mason pulled his trembling bottom lip between his teeth as fresh tears fell. There was no way you’d just said that.

“Of course, I’ll have you.”, he sobbed. “There’s nothing else I want more.”

You gently cupped his face with your hands, thumbs brushing away the still falling tears and when he smiled at you, really smiled at you, your heart melted.

“I’ve missed you so much.”, he mumbled. “God, I’ve missed you so much you have no idea.”

“I do.”, you nodded. “Mase, I’ve missed you just as much.”

And before you could chicken out, you leaned in and pressed your lips to his in a hesitant, gentle kiss.  

—————

I genuinely hope you enjoyed reading this. You would make my day if you left a little feedback so I can see what you liked and what I can improve on 🩷

[woso-dreamzzz]

Gone V

Hardersson x Child!Reader

Part of The Big Adventures Universe

Summary: Morsa has to go

Things have been a little weird in the house.

Momma and Morsa...They're not quite arguing but they've been having a lot of what Frido says are 'heated discussions'. You don't quite understand what that means but you know it's the reason why they're a bit huffy and puffy with each other.

They're still happy with you though and that's all that matters.

They have their silly little heated discussions but still give you big smiles and big kisses and big cuddles together at bedtime.

You glance behind you, at where they're snuggled up on the sofa together and nod.

Good.

They're being nice to each other again and you turn to look back at your show with a little smirk.

Pernille smiles at you as you turn back around, watching as you wiggle your little toes happily while watching your cartoon.

She knows you've noticed the underlying tension between her and Magda. She knows you've picked up on it, a little bit confused by all the hushed conversations and cold shoulders between your mothers.

Pernille's future has been a load of question marks for a while. Chelsea's been knocking on her door, banging on it really. They were practically frothing at the mouth to sign her but she's been pushing them back for a while now.

Not for herself.

She knows that Chelsea would be good for her. Time in the English league would develop her skills further and Chelsea have been on the up and up for a while now.

But you're the only thing keeping Pernille from signing on the dotted line.

Your life is in Germany and at Wolfsburg where you insist on wearing the shirt to every practice and speak German like you were born to do it.

Pernille isn't sure how you would cope with such a big move so suddenly and so early on in your life.

You're happy in Germany with her and this little apartment where you know the exact route to training and your favourite park is two minutes down the road.

Germany is all you know.

Magda's on the side of coming to Chelsea, of uprooting your whole life to move to England where the three of you can finally all live together.

Pernille wants that too but not at the expense of your happiness.

The conversation has been tabled though, at least for today because it's Magda's last before she gets back on a flight to leave again this evening.

You're content on the floor in front of them until Magda gets up off the sofa to grab her suitcase. You watch closely as she unzips it and goes to retrieve some of her clothes from the laundry.

You frown, toddling over to sit yourself in the bag.

You give Pernille a triumphant look as you wiggle around to get comfortable, throwing out some of Magda's t-shirts and trousers.

"What are you doing?" Pernille laughs, getting up to refold the clothes so they can all fit again.

"Morsa not goin'," You answer," Big bag for when she goes. Can't use big bag if I'm in it."

Pernille chuckles, lifting you up easily and setting you down further away. "You know Morsa needs to go," She says," She plays in London."

You stick your tongue out. "Nu-uh!"

Pernille sticks her tongue out right back at you. "Uh-huh! You know she does."

"Morsa not goin' now," You insist," Won't let her!"

"She doesn't need your permission, Princesse. She's got to leave to play with her team."

At that, you burst into tears - full, chest rattling, heartbreaking sobs as fat tears roll down your chubby cheeks and splash onto the floor.

"No!" You whine," No Morsa go!"

"Yes Morsa go," Pernille says to you," You know she has to leave. She does it every time."

You shake your head furiously and kick your legs in outrage. "No! No let Morsa leave!"

"Hey, hey," Magda says when she comes pick into the room," What's with all the tears, huh? Why are we crying?"

"No leave!" You screech at her, sobbing even harder now that you realise she's packing her clean laundry into the suitcase. "I not let you!"

"I have to leave, princesse," Magda tells you," You know that. How am I going to make enough money to give you all the nice toys you want if I don't go back to my job?"

"No job!" You insist," Momma has job! Stay here!"

You cling to her leg, wrapped up tightly around her in a way that makes you difficult to extract. You sob and you sob and you sob even as Magda pulls you into her arms and rocks you.

"I'm sorry," She says," I'm so sorry. I really want to stay but I can't. Soon though. Me and your Momma are going to work something out. Maybe I'll come here, huh?"

It's in that moment that Pernille knows she's going to call the Chelsea representatives back. She's been putting it off for days now, wanting to discuss it all with Magda first but she knows now that she'll have to talk to them about a contract.

She can't let Magda give up Chelsea, not when she's captain, not when she's put her blood, sweat and tears into the team to make it great, not when Magda leaving Chelsea would be a big hit to her career, at least right now.

Pernille doesn't have much tying her to Wolfsburg and Germany apart from you and you're making it very clear now that your little heart is breaking over the fact that Magda is leaving again.

You want her to stay or, rather, you want to be with Magda and Pernille does too.

She wants shared breakfast and dinners, shared bathtime and shared bedtime and nights where you sleep between them in bed and days going out to the markets together and matches where you get to walk out as Magda's mascot too.

Magda has to leave now, despite your obvious heartbreak, but Pernille's certain that this separation won't be for too long.

[joonieskinks]

previous simon riley x princess!reader here: 1 2

-

Your smile falls as he avoids your eyes, his body distancing himself from yours and panic, the dire need to flee and escape fills him.

“Simon?” You ask, your voice daring to break, vision ever so slightly becoming blurry.

He can barely look up at you before he’s moving to the door, leaving you naked, alone. Cold, heartbroken.

Does he not want you? The real you or is it the title? Both?

“Simon, please-“

“Princess, I- I can’t. You have to understand that. We’re not compatible.” You frantically shake your head, wrapping a blanket over you and rushing to his side.

“Yes we are, you know we are. I love you and I want you, why won’t you fight for me? Us?” Simon’s crying eyes finally meet your own, a hand coming up to tuck your hair behind your ear gently.

“‘M not good enough for you, ‘m broken and you’re meant to be Queen, for Gods sake. Who’m I to believe I could ever be with someone like you? Let alone, who would even let me?”

You move to throw your arms around Simon desperately but he halts you in your stride. Your hurt and rejected expression nearly bringing him to his knees.

Who was he to be with the next Queen of England?

He could foresee the media and their gossip, the pressure, the hate, the criticism and the unwanted attention. You were utterly perfect and adored as princess, could the people really adore him too?

No. He didn't think so.

And so it broke his heart to walk away from the only woman who truly understood, cared and adored him for all he is.

The love of his life, his strength and his stay.

His princess and one day, his Queen.

Gone.

[fandomnerd9602]

Midnight

Stepsister!Wanda x Reader

For @lifespectator and @aloneodi

It all started the day your mom brought home her new boyfriend, Django, and with him came his daughter: Wanda Maximoff.

You could feel something stir within you the moment her eyes met yours and she gave you a shy smile. You could practically feel your heart beating out of your chest.

You and her were 12 at the time. You get like you weren’t old enough to like girls yet.

That was roughly seven years ago. Django and your mom married, making you and Wanda step siblings. You thought that being siblings now would’ve made your heart not look at her in that way anymore. And yet it persisted. No other girl in middle school or high school could compare to her.

Wanda, for the most part, didn’t date either. She was an introvert to the highest degree. She opened up to only two people in her life: you and her best friend Natasha.

Well she did start to date when you and her got to college. Her boyfriend was Vis, a foreign exchange student from England. He seemed proper enough but you hated him for taking Wanda away from you. The only times you ever saw Wanda was on weekends and in between college classes but he was always on her hip.

And so that brings you to New Years Eve. You promised your mom that you, Wanda, and Vis, who had never met your folks, would be home for the New Year. That didn’t mean that the three of you couldn’t stop off at a little college get together for the night first.

The party was loud, you couldn’t see or hear much over the mixture of music and voices. You tried to stay close to Wanda. This really wasn’t her forte.

“Come on Wanda,” Vis’ English accent tried to entice her. “It’s new years, what other way is there to celebrate?”

You turned and saw Vis trying to get Wanda up the stairs to one of the bedrooms. You gritted your teeth as one of your friends dragged you off for a split second.

The next thing you knew, you lost sight of both Wanda and Vis. Your heart broke to think that Wanda could’ve really been with someone else.

And then you caught sight of Wanda, tears streaming down her cheeks as she bolted out the door and into the cold. You turned to see Vis already making out with some other random chick.

You ran out into the blistering cold. That Vis was a jerk, making out with some other gal that wasn’t his date. You wanted to sock him in the jaw but Wanda was your bigger concern.

“Wanda?” You nearly shouted into the cold December air. You found her a few feet in front of you, crying her eyes out.

“Hey Red” you gently approach your stepsister and wrap an arm around her. She immediately turns around and buries her face in the crook of your neck.

“Take me home” she mutters against your skin.

You nod and guide her to your car. The ride home was quiet and somber. Wanda tried to wipe away a few fresh tears.

“I wouldn’t give it to him” she muttered.

“Huh?”

“He wanted to-and I wouldn’t.” She tries to say through her tears. “So he went off with another girl.”

“You did good” you reassured her. “Vis was a jerk”

“Papa would’ve hated him”

“I hated him from the moment I met the guy. Accent or not, Vis was no gentleman” you muttered. You even did a mocking accent earning a giggle from your step sister.

You guide her back into your family home. The clock on the mantle read ten minutes to midnight. Wanda settled onto the couch. You went and brewed some tea for her.

You brought in two mugs of piping hot tea. Wanda blew on hers a little. “Sorry I ruined your New Year’s party” she whispers.

“I’d rather be with you than let you suffer alone” you take a sip.

“Almost midnight” Wanda gives you a shy smile, “sorry you didn’t have someone to kiss”

“None of the gals there interest me” you shrug.

“What? You need to find yourself a girlfriend. You’ve never had one. Middle school. High school. Now college? Why?”

You take a deep breath, “because no girl can compare to the one who loves Florence and the Machine, Harry Potter, and old black and white sitcoms…”

Wanda gasps and then begins to tear up as you continue.

“The girl who gave my darkest days hope. The one whose smile lights up my world. The girl I’ve been in love with since I wasn’t supposed to like girls”

Wanda wipes away a few tears, “Vis wasn’t the one I loved. You are. I just thought it was too crazy…you and me…but we’re older now and…and…”

You gently wipe away a tear from her eye with your thumb and pull her into your arms. “Wanna be my New Years kiss?”

“We’ll” she giggles, “there’s no one else around so…five…”

You laugh, “four”

Her pupils dilate. Her eyes show only adoration for you. “Three”

“Two” you pull her closer.

“One” she whispers as you pull one another into a gentle kiss.

The sound of distant fireworks ring in the new year. But it didn’t matter for you and Wanda. You finally had the love of your life in your arms.

“My detka,” she sighs as she pulls back. She looks at you, you look at her. She giggles before immediately kissing you again. Her lips were like the sweetest thing you’ve ever tasted.

What would her father or your mother think? It didn’t matter right now. You’ll take it one day at a time.

But for now, it was a new year. Full of new possibilities and new adventures awaiting for you and Wanda Maximoff, the little witch who always had your heart.