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ladyhistorypod · 4 years

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Episode 4: Let’s Ms. Behave

Sources:

Charlotte Corday

The British Museum

Brooklyn Museum

Find A Grave

History Channel

UCL Art Museum

Encyclopedia Womannica (Podcast)

The Blonding of Charlotte Corday

Giulia Tofana

Wut. (Podcast)

History Collection

Historical Post

Medium

Mike Dash

Virginia Hill

The Mob Museum

Encyclopedia of Chicago

Alabama

Further reading/watching: The Damned Don’t Cry (1950 film), Bugsy's Baby: The Secret Life of Mob Queen Virginia Hill (eye roll from Alana), Virginia Hill (1974 film)

Click below for a full transcript of the episode!

Lexi: A brief warning about the following episode of Lady History: this episode contains sensitive topics, such as suicide and murder. If you or someone you know needs help, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. To learn more, visit suicidepreventionhotline.org

Alana: I think my therapist is listening to our podcast.

Haley: Wait what really?

Alana: Yeah. Because I was looking at like our dem– like our listenership and it said a bunch of people in Arlington and I don't know that many people in Arlington. I know like my mom's... my parents’ like family friend from… my dad like went to high school with them and then they introduced my parents and we call her my Arlington mom and so I was like oh maybe it's her but that's too many people to just be her and I think my therapist lives in Arlington and I told her about this so shout out Dr. Sterman.

Haley: I would love–

Alana: If you’re listening.

Haley: –Your next session she's like ‘by the way I don't listen to your podcast’ even though... and just like out herself from… not super listening but also listening we just had…

Alana: I might bring it up. I'm seeing her on Tuesday, virtually obviously, but I’m seeing her on Tuesday.

Haley: ‘Just wondering, do you listen to my podcast?’

Alana: Well I'm going to talk about how like ‘oh I started my podcast and it's doing this this and this for my mental health’ and then be like… just see if she says she’s listening.

Haley: I feel like she wouldn’t though. I feel like she wouldn’t just to…

Alana: I don’t know if she would.

Lexi: Does that cross the like professional boundary?

Haley: Yeah…

Alana: Is that a HIPAA violation?

Lexi: Is it though? It’s only a podcast

Haley: Well none of us are in the medical field.

Lexi: No. We are not.

Alana: Let us know.

Haley: So we can’t have a definitive answer. But I can see someone–

Lexi: Hey if you're in the medical field or are a certified therapist please email us at [email protected] and let us know if listening to your patient’s podcast violates HIPAA.

(Alana laughing)

Lexi: Thank you. You can also email other stuff there. Don't, don't– you don't have to be a doctor to email us.

Alana: No. I also I have a– because you can do asks on Tumblr, and I have our ask page for the Tumblr– Lady History pod dot tumblr dot com– I have… you can suggest a lady.

Lexi: Please, suggest ladies.

Haley: I would love that.

Lexi: Please suggest ladies to us at Lady History pod dot tumblr dot com.

Alana: You can also DM us, and as previously mentioned if you DM the Instagram that's Lexi and if you DM the Twitter that's me and they're both at LadyHistoryPod. We're gonna plug that again at the end so it's just a constant cycle.

Haley: No one can slide into my DMs. I'll just use one of… if you want to slide into my DMs, use like, the Twitter and just be like this is for Sprinklebear McPuss-n-Boots and they’ll know it’s for me.

Lexi: Okay if you DM or email any of the accounts, if you need the message to go to Haley, please use that name only. Any messages directed to Haley will not be given to her.

Alana: We’ll be like ‘who’s Haley?’

Lexi: So go back–

Haley: I don’t even know what I said. I forgot.

Lexi: No, so go back–

Alana: Sprinklebear McPuss-n-Boots and I will never forget it.

Lexi: Just go back, listen to that however many times you need to to get it in your brain, and then use that when you address Haley in any of your communication to our general inbox.

Alana: Hang on, my light went away because I have to go change Haley’s contact info in my phone.

(Lexi and Alana laughing)

Haley: I really hate if like I am interviewed for a job and they’re like… ‘so… Twinklebear McPuss-n-Boots…

(Lexi laughing)

Alana: It was Sprinklebear

Lexi: You didn’t even get it right. She can’t even–

Alana: Sprinkle… Sprinklebear…

(Lexi laughing)

Haley: I used to have a crush on Puss-n-Boots when Shrek first came out.

[INTRO MUSIC]

Alana: Hello and welcome to Lady History, the good, the bad, and the ugly ladies you missed in history class. I’m the next best thing to being in the same room as Lexi. Lexi, what's the name of your favorite plant?

Lexi: My favorite plant is probably a pothos. Just really cute, a cute plant, a good plant, grows well, grows well in my climate, has not failed me, has not died, so that is why I love the pothos.

Alana: And also in the virtual studio is Haley. Haley, how’s the weather?

Haley: It's quite gloomy. I am in San Francisco so we're still dealing with the wildfires. But I think it's just Karl the fog today.

Alana: Karl the fog?

Haley: Yeah the San Francisco like fog that just like looms over this bay area is called Karl. He even has a Twitter, a whole kids’ picture book. Karl the fog.

Alana: That's giving me An Absolutely Remarkable Thing by Hank Green vibes.

Haley: And also, oh, the SF MOMA… the new building of it is Karl the fog. It doesn't– it looks kind of like a… like an old time steam iron, like on an ironing board. But it's like meant to be Karl the fog. Or like blend in. Karl just mushes his way through San Francisco.

Alana: Oh my god that's incredible.

Haley: Yes.

Alana: And I'm Alana and I theme my canvas tote bags based on event.

Lexi Nice. Solid.

Alana: Thank you.

Haley: So can I tickle your tastebuds with a fun fact?

Lexi: Oh… oh, tickle away.

Alana (whispering): Tickle your tastebuds…

Speaker 1: This is either going to be like the best thing I've ever created because like– let me just give you a side note: I thought of this joke while taking shower and was cracking up for ten minutes.

(Alana laughing)

Haley: It's either– it's probably gonna flop. But, with this fun fact– it’s kind of setting the mood for our crime theme and it's about the guillotine and the family of the guillotine, Dr. Joseph– I think his name’s like Ignace? It looks like Ignatio, but it’s like Ignace Guillotin– was so horrified that like their family member invented such like a horrible thing, and if you don't know what the guillotine is, it is basically a big sharp knife that comes down from a pulley, will slice your head off, used in many executions– that they appeal to the French government to change the name and the French government just took it to a step higher and was like no we won't change the name but we will make it one of like the official ways of executing people. more s– to the point that the last execution was like in the 1970s. And this is like across Europe and at least for France it was in 1977. So this is where it gets to my cringy joke because I've used this before. If you want a sick burn while your parents are talking about their childhood and they grew up in like the 60s, 70s, you can just go ‘Pft, the land and time of the guillotine. Such heathens.’ And I like this more than the… the burn that goes like ‘when the dinosaurs roamed’ because dinos just like didn't live when humans lived and it always made me so mad where it’s like I learned that the dinosaurs were born millions of years ago but we have this like iconic just… execution machine that was used for so so long and no one realizes that this was just used until the 70s as a humane way of execution, which like I won't even get into that whole argument. There's so much of a rabbit hole of whether the like guillotine was humane or not. But it's just– it's almost funnier because like it did happen this was an ironic like ‘oh you’re so old you’re like a dinosaur’ this is like ‘you were born when the guillotine was used!’

Alana: Because that's like a burn but it's also true.

Lexi: Yeah. That's the worst kind of burn, I– I mean the best kind of burn because it hurts the worst.

Haley: I once said it to my dad because he was like talking about something when he was like younger and I was like the guillotine just looked at me and was like ‘excuse me?’ I was like ‘you lived during the time of the guillotine, heathen.’ And he was like ‘well…”

Alana: It's true!

Haley: Because he was like ‘no that's like the Middle Ages’ and I was like ‘let me school you on some facts. And that actually is a great segue into my first gal.

Alana: Alright, let's go Haley.

Haley: Uh, so my gal, like Artemisia, we have another one with her own movie. It's an unfortunate movie because I couldn't find it anywhere, but who am I talking about… Charlotte Corday. And other names include… side note, I don’t speak French, I speak Spanish. Please don’t come after me, with my horrible horrible French pronunciations, I had my boyfriend, who speaks some French, pronounce them to me… probably didn't remember anything that he said to me. Her other names are Corday d’Armont, Marie-Anne Charlotte, and now her like more modern name is Charlotte Corday the Assassin. So I love Charlotte as a topic, because other podcasts, like crime, history, women's studies, have covered her to an extent. Like I– you'll see in the show notes I like I've even used her– thanks, Encyclopedia Womannica. But on the other hand, not many people know about her. And they don't even know like her influence with the French Revolution because I've been in like many discussions about like history of crime or what like– the world history that we had to take, and I asked like about her and my even like my history teachers like ‘I don't know who that is’ and everyone just gave me that blank face and it's like wait a minute, this is weird, why isn't this covered. So of course, I'm going to cover it. And let's crack this case wide open before we do a deep dive and go over just like some historical background and some of the people be talking about because I don't want you guys to be lost in this whole mumbo jumbo. So Charlotte was a Girondin sympathizer– again, my French is not good– she came from a family of impoverished aristocrats from a little town outside of Paris, France. And as a noble family she was given the opportunity to go to a formal education, but really this formal education came because her mother and one of her sisters died. And her father was just so grief-stricken and also just couldn't handle the now need to raise two daughters, so he sent them to a Roman Catholic convent so they could get a formal education. During this formal education of hers, she learned about French politics, history of France, and was able to mold her own theories and just ideas about the world around her. Thus, she became a French moderate Republican party member during 1791 and 1793 and this is during the French Revolution.

Alana: I'm guessing that moderate Republican back then doesn't mean the same thing that moderate Republican means now.

Haley: No, not at all. I'll explain more. So that's– this is exactly why I wanted to do our whole kind of let's see the players let's name some names and let's go over some history because just looking at her based on just the woman it's very hard to understand why she's one, seen as a hero; two, seen as a murderous assassin which both are correct in a way.

Lexi: I mean, goals. No I’m just kidding. I’m not condoning murder.

Haley: No so that's basically where she's at in the scope of where she grew up and what role she’ll play in the French Revolution, or what side she was on. And she's also mainly known for murdering Jordian Jean-Paul Marat, and he was on the other side he was Jordian so she was very opposed to his ideals. So again like Alana said is this kind of like what our U. S. politics is like? No, this isn't the Republican Party. However we have two extreme sides and people on one extreme, people on another extreme. That is very much similar. And he was an outspoken leader of the French Revolution to the point where he was the founder of a popular journal, deputy of Paris to the convention, opposed legislation that would hurt the other side, empower him and to Charlotte and other Girondan followers. So now that we cover the big picture ideas and we know the players and we know how extreme both these sides are, let's do our deep dive. She was committed to fighting the Girondist side of the revolution, posing the radical Jacobin faction. So this was right before the Reign of Terror, and why I mention this is because all her actions were to stop a civil war; and the Reign of Terror was a part of the French Revolution that kind of like started the first French Republic and culminated in a series of massacres and like many many public executions. So this is what she tried to stop from happening in French society. However, her whole story and what role she played in the revolution actually caused the Reign of Terror. So that's why for me as– in high school was like why aren't we talking about her and now we're gonna talk about her now. So, we come to the point where our victim Marat was continuing his train of like bloodshed, and was responsible for utter catastrophe, and putting a lot of lives in danger of like the French– like the French people were just terrified of him, to an extent. And that’s why Charlotte just hated him. He was seen as definitely one of the leaders of this one extreme side that had to be taken out. So that's exactly what she kind of planned to do. And she was not in Paris, she was still in another city outside of Paris, France. So, Charlotte stabbed him while he was taking a bath; and that's really the punch line of like her whole story. If you do like a quick Google search you'll get a lot of stuff for her and even in some textbooks that I tried to look at it was just like Charlotte Corday assassin… stabbed Marat in the heart. Really, she stabbed him in a planned assassin while he was taking a bath. I'm gonna just go through the accounts of this whole story because they're not really pieced together in one area and I'm going to piece them together now so you can understand why he was like in a bathtub, why she stabbed him, and so on. Because this just sounds so strange and it's really strange to see this as your history. So the planned assassin started because she wanted, like I said, to stop from a civil war happening in France, and she truly believed that to do this you have to kill one of the leaders; and also to an extent make the other side seem strong in that way. Like if you kill one of the leaders, you prove that the other side is just as strong or stronger. So she originally planned to kill him at a Bastille Day parade to make a huge show of it and this was on July 14th 1793. Unfortunately, or fortunately for her plans in a sense the event was just like it either didn't happen or it became apparent that Marat was not going to be at that public event. So she quickly had to say okay what else can I do, how can… what will be the next step to kill him. On July 13th, so the day before this event was supposed to happen, she was able to get a meet and greet with him or just gain access to him by saying and promising to betray her political side and give some insider secrets– like name names, basically become a traitor. And Marat was like cool you're definitely high up in the Girondin side of it, let you like, come into our area, we’ll hold– like we’ll basically keep you hostage, in a sense, like that's the feel I got… like Marat was also like come to our side because if anything happens you'll be on our turf; and she did. She was like cool, great. You don't know I'm gonna kill you, you think I'm gonna come and like give you all my secrets and then you'll protect me in a way. So Marat was having this meeting in the bathtub, but this was a very normal occurrence for him because he had a terrible skin disease or infection that he would just be in the bath all the time, like the water soothed him. So he was just very vulnerable, but that was his normal state– like nothing was wrong with him taking a meeting in the tub… so like she could be alone with him. It would be more weird if they were just walking around in the streets together. And instead of having this whole conversation that Charlotte said she would, she took this knife out of her bodice that she was just like hiding there and stabbed him in the chest.

Haley: He died almost immediately; and she actually waited for the police to come. She did not run away– she waited and confessed, essentially. She was proud of what she did, she wanted this assassination like the public assassin– assassination to still have some sort of effect on the public to show that her side did it to the other side, she is responsible for ma–Marat, and she did it as this political leader, in a sense. So at the trial, she allegedly proclaimed ‘I killed one man to save a hundred thousand’ and she kept reiterating that this was in fact a planned assassination, this wasn't out of passion. She took some thought, even wrote down like accounts and like had this whole… I saw like some people called it a journal or like statement– different written statements basically on her thoughts of an upcoming civil war and what she thought she was doing to help prevent that. She was also able, before the trial she was able to write down like write a letter and write her thoughts, feelings, concerns to her father. So her father was still alive and was able to get this kinda like last testimony of hers. And of course during this trial because she did essentially plead guilty… she was ordered to be executed via guillotine just four days after the murder; so July 17th 1793. And another quote from a lawyer from all this whole trial came from I think this was a man named Vergniaud, but I couldn't find this quote as in from like a reputable source as yes this was him, so could have been just another lawyer and not this guy. However, someone as a witness to this whole trial on this whole ordeal said ‘She is leading us to our death, but she is showing us how to die’ and it was because he, as a lawyer, saw this whole thing, saw her whole plan, and knew okay this is going to become a massive shit show. Like this won't end well. She is not preventing a civil war; she actually just started a whole other battle. However, she is showing us how to die with dignity, and showing how to like own up to the actions and just just die. Essentially die because a lot of people through the Reign of Terror did die. So you thought I'd be done– and I know this is gonna be my longest but this is such a great great story– because now we get into her overall death legacy, and we do know a lot of things, unlike Amelia Earhart where we just don't know what happened to her after death. A lot of this we still have artifacts and evidence of. She overall became this French savior, like the savior of French society in her circle. Months after her death, there are just so many portraits of her in different scenarios; short hair, long hair– like I needed to go back and make sure these were the same Charlotte Corday and if there could have been multiple Charlotte's just to make sure that these images looked so vastly different. And it was because people wanted to show that she was just this holy woman and ladies now weren't the ones who are supposed to be stuck in the kitchen with raising the kids. They had the power to do something in life and in society, but they also had a spin on it, so like– like I said, she was seen as a savior, this holy woman, goddess… like they even used her Christian name so Marie-Anne Charlotte, which she– to my knowledge, and to my research didn't necessarily go by that name. But there are definitely images of that name and her with very fair skin, white, brunette hair, looking very womanly and accentuating her womanly features. So that really pissed off the other side. Like all Marat’s supporters, they were absolutely flabbergasted that she was getting such a reputation. They thought this can't be happening; she just murdered one of our political leaders, and she was executed for it, why is everyone trying to kind of put this holy cap on her. And yes, that worked to an extent, like their outcry, because like yes she did murder someone. But it didn't help enough, and there were women in French society who did try to distance themselves from her and just for ideas of what women should be like. But, Charlotte did such a good job at like the legend of her as a woman, even before she died, that it didn't matter. Like I read an article about whether she had blonde hair or chestnut brown hair from a 2004 academic article; like this is still being discussed. And she had a part of her reputation– like she knew that whether it started a civil war or not she needed to form her own reputation. And there's even accounts that she witnessed the paintings and drawings of her that would be published and printed post-execution, and she gave comments. She was like no no no no, make me look more like a schoolgirl; or like make me more with curly hair. I don't really know the specifics but it was documented that she would give kind of suggestions on how she would look like. So while she did it, she tried so hard to like make herself look like this holy woman, and yes it did work. Marat, when he died, one of his very close friends, Jacques-Louis David painted the classic portrait or classic image, not portrait The Death of Marat, which is capturing the scene of his death and that is still considered like a classic image and the classic picture from– especially from the French Revolution. So I don't– I don't want to go as far as saying either Charlotte's portrayed as this holy one or this heinous, murderous, like scoundrel because both of them have lasted to this point in history that no one can make up their mind whether this was like a good thing that happened or a bad thing that happened. And I don’t even– I don’t even want to put out like in the universe whether we should have the discussion; if we should say like yes or no. I just wanna give you the facts and let you kind of like decide but that is Charlotte Corday.

Lexi: She is very interesting.

Alana: Yeah that's real cool. That's fun. That was a good transition for… from the guillotine to…

Lexi: Yes, good choice.

Alana: Charlotte Corday. I’m glad we let you go first.

Lexi: Alana hit us. Hit us with it. Don't hit us please don't hit me.

Alana: I won’t hit you. Okay so I will be talking about Giulia Tofana. Um.. Ooooh Haley's face, I'm so excited. I feel like– I hope I do this justice. Oh no. She is Giulia but it’s spelled G-I-U because she's Italian. Okay. So. I like to give credit as we've seen in the past like where I have first found out about my stories. And so I first found out about Ms. Tofana– I should I should call her Giulia not Ms. Tofana because there’s another Tofana, her mother’s name is also Tofana. I heard about this for the first time on Wut. W-U-T which is another great edutainment podcast by women. I'm gonna promo them without needing a sponsorship or a collab because women supporting women. So if you like us, go check them out. That was fun. They're not specifically women's history they're just kind of fun facts in general so not as niche as us but still pretty cool. And then I heard about that podcast from my friend Jesse on Twitter… I think we're friends I don't know I think we're friends… so shout out to Jesse. So Giulia Tofana, G-I-U because she's Italian, lived in the seventeenth century. Exact dates are kind of weird because she was a woman and not highborn. Best guess she was born in Palermo in Sicily. Her mother was executed for poisoning her father, possibly because he was abusive. This is a thing– like a running theme that we’ll see it later. Also later, Giulia's husband died mysteriously, probably also poisoned, probably also abusive. So she moved to Rome at some point in the 1630s-ish, probably, as a widow with her daughter to sell cosmetics and be apothecaries and poison people. Dun dun dun…

Alana: So women in the seventeenth century have so many options. They can be sex workers, they can be essentially auctioned off to almost always abuse of older men and then later if their husbands died become respected widows. Those are your options. So many! So many options! What– how are you going to pick, so many things.

Lexi: The amount of choices is staggering.

Alana: Paralyzed by choice, really. My sources call these women ‘aspiring windows’ as if they are gold diggers and not battered women with no escape. I love– I love that like my running theme is criticizing my sources. That's my thing. Giulia crafted essentially her own poison. Created her own poison, or what by all accounts… she was the one who came up with this. Between like her and her mother and her daughter they came up with this poison called aqua tofana, named after her. It's a combination of arsenic and belladonna and lead, which are things that are already in cosmetics at the time but not quite lethal, still have problems, but not lethal unless they're ingested. And so having these things on a vanity looks totally normal. And so Giulia, as someone who experienced abuse, who had watched her mother get executed for defending herself, essentially… I am not condoning murder, and I know it's never good to say something at the beginning of a sentence like ‘I'm not condoning murder’ and then doing ‘but’... I feel like… there are no options.

Lexi: Self defense.

Alana: Self defense.

Lexi: And it seems very clear– again, we don't know the whole situation but it seems very clear that she was in a bad situation.

Alana: A bad situation. Yeah

Lexi: We are not the judge, jury, or the executioner so we can't say.

Alana: So she, having probably been abused and having watched her mother probably been abused and watched her mother get executed for essentially defending herself… she's going to help these other women get out of their marriages in such a way that it can't be traced. Because this poisoning with this mixture of belladonna and arsenic and lead, it takes really long for someone to die. Really long is like two to three days, but it also looks like natural causes or another illness which always happened in the 1600s. People got sick and died and that was just normal. And it gave these men time to get their affairs in order and to confess their sins and in a very Catholic area at a very Catholic time you like automatically got into heaven as long as you confessed your sins. So since these people had time to confess their sins, our murderess wouldn't have to feel so guilty that she was condemning her husband to hell even though he was probably hurting her. It only takes four to six drops to kill someone, depending on their size and all of that other stuff. And another side fact, side fun fact: Mozart, who nobody knows how Mozart died, Mozart wholeheartedly believed that he was poisoned with aqua tofana, but nobody knows. I feel so good that Haley is just nodding fervently. I feel like I'm doing a good job. Thank you for that.

Haley: I've awkwardly read so much on arsenic poisoning. Just so much so, but yes you are correct. There are probably just so many people who died of arsenic poison in the 1600s because autopsies weren’t like what we have today where you can do a toxicology, so so many people would seem like they were getting ill, because a lot of the times it just looks like a common cold or flu-like symptoms, they just weren't feeling good. But then they would die so now people do toxicology because it's a thirty year old man with no pre-existing conditions. But when you're talking about it in the 1600s it's like ‘oh they got sick we don't have modern medicine to help out.’

Alana: Nobody knows what's happening, essentially. It's like ‘oh no another person got sick.’ So Giulia Tofana sold this with her daughter and some employees at this family business, essentially, which is a weird way to think about it– that the family business is murder. They operated like this for about fifty years, for decades. And… at least the estimated number is something like six hundred plus people died because she sold their wives poison. But she got caught, and legend has it– and there are so many foggy details but this seems way too specific so I think like somebody exaggerated but, one of her clients who had bought the aqua tofana to poison her husband had poisoned a bowl of soup but decided, ‘no, I can’t. I can’t kill someone’ and dramatically knocked it out of his hand. And that's where I am thinking this… somebody exaggerated. Somebody made this up because that's way too specific. But she stopped her husband from eating the soup and confessed her crimes and turned in Giulia Tofana and her daughter and their three employees at the business. And all of them were executed. Under torture, of course, it's the seventeenth century, she turned on a bunch of her clients as well. So a bunch of her clients were also executed. Some of them were not executed, because they claimed that they didn't know that it was poison and it was just ‘oh no, I spilled some of my lotion in my husband’s soup… Oops. Oopsie poopsies I’m only like fourteen I don't know any better.’ I made myself laugh with that one I’m sorry. But those people were spared. So there is something to… was Giulia a hero, was she a murderess, could both of those things be true…

Lexi: Was she an anti-hero?

Alana: She's kind of an anti-hero. I think that's what we’re going for.

Haley: I like that, I like anti-hero.

Alana: I think– I also think like–

Lexi: Like a Robin Hood, but murder.

Alana: Batman, but murder. Does Batman kill people?

Lexi: Robin Hood stole things, he didn't kill anyone. This is like the Robin Hood of murdering people.

Alana: Sure.

Lexi: It's like murder the rich, give to the wife?

Alana: Vigilante!

Lexi: I don't know. Vigilante murder, yeah.

Haley: So far we’re on the track of like ‘our criminals are good, question mark?’

(Alana laughing)

Lexi: Mine was definitely a criminal, but we'll get in that.

Alana: Well, I am done. So, Lexi let’s get into that.

Lexi: What a segue! Okay. So my lady, though definitely also had a lot of background trauma as it seems that a lot of these ladies had definitely did crime. So we'll just jump in. Have you guys ever heard of the queen of the mob?

Haley: Yes. I'm so excited that you're doing this one.

Alana: Maybe. You'll have to tell me her name.

Lexi: Okay.

Haley: This is truly like my favorite episodes so far, and I like hate when people like get really into criminals like some people, like for Jeffrey Dahmer, people love him, think he's like the most beautiful man, same with Ted Bundy, and that's not where my head is at.

Lexi: That’s creepy.

Haley: I have a true fascination with the history of crime, death, medicine, and how our society perceives it now. When I say I love these people or I love these stories that is not where I'm going.

Lexi: You're not doing the whole crime fandom crush thing.

Haley: No.

Alana: I have seen people get like Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer's signatures tattooed on themselves.

Lexi: That’s creepy.

Haley: Yeah

Lexi: And I don't condone that.

Alana: No we don't like that.

Lexi: But you can be interested in crime especially because as someone who has taken courses in the forensic realm… and who likes bones, and likes that kind of thing, I think you can be interested in the human phenomenon.

Alana: As academics.

Haley: That’s where we’re at for me.

Alana: Not as fanatics.

Lexi: Yes, yes.

Haley: I was listening to like you guys speak and kind of like going back in my head like oh, I seem like such a psycho when I’m like ‘I love Charlotte’ like she is just a fascinating human.

(Alana laughing)

Lexi: Well now we’ve clarified which is good.

Haley: She assassinated someone. And assassinations aren’t swell.

Lexi: But like when you think about like what is interesting on TV, or like what is interesting in our fiction, it's because humans have a general interest. So–

Haley: I wanna write a whole paper on that. Just truly that whole concept.

Lexi: So the queen of the mob, Virginia Hill. You can learn about her at the Mob Museum, people are really really fascinated with her and her story is really interesting. And she was born on August 26, 1916 in a place called Lipscomb, Alabama. I might have said that wrong, you know general– general reminder I say things wrong sometimes. She was born on her father's horse farm. Her father was abusive and he actually beat her and her siblings when they were children and one day she got really fed up with him attacking her and her little siblings so she hit him with a hot skillet in self defense. At the age of fourteen, Virginia married a man named George and three years later the couple moved to Chicago. When they got there she dumped him because you realize the world is a lot bigger than her hometown in Alabama, and so seventeen year old Virginia wanted to start her life anew. At the time, the 1933 Chicago Century of Progress Exposition, which is a World's Fair style event, and it was conceived to bring hope in the wake of the Great Depression that was happening. So Virginia took a job dancing, like as a shimmy dancer, so she had a really unique–

Alana: What– what does shimmy dancer mean? Like a go-go dancer? Like a str– like what?

Lexi: I think you dance shimmy like you shake back and forth and you wear tassels, I believe.

Alana: Dream job.

Lexi: But someone feel free to correct me.

Haley: Yeah, I was thinking one of those 1920s cigarette girls.

Lexi: Yeah that could probably be it because this is a similar era.

Haley: Like they would have like the thing that went over them holding a plate platter like tray that they would just like walk around, dance around, and you can buy stuff from them.

Lexi: Yeah. It could possibly be akin to that. When the fair ended, Virginia became a waitress at one of Al Capone's old haunts the San Carlo Italian Village, which is a restaurant not a town. I had to Google that. Though Capone was at that time in prison, he went to prison in 1931, the community of criminals that he had built was still thriving, and it was– it was in this role as a waitress serving tables of America’s mobsters that Virginia met the man who would change her life. His name was Joe Epstein. He was an accountant and bookkeeper for Capone's crime family, and he took a liking to Virginia’s style, and that doesn't mean like her physical attractiveness… she had a certain style of a way that she talked to the mobsters, and she seemed to really have like a no-nonsense kind of ability to deal with the mobsters, which is really unique in a girl so young. So he felt he could trust her, and he took her on as a money launderer for his racketeering. She laundered the money by placing large bets on horses in Chicago's racetracks. She later moved into betting scams which is basically when she learned how from Joe to collect bets on fixed boxing matches. So the matches will be predetermined, but she would encourage people to bet the losing side. Virginia didn't just launder money. Joe taught her how to dress and act like a rich woman, and used her to cross state lines with stolen furs, jewels, and other items, because of course no one would suspect a nice, rich lady of stealing things and crossing state lines with them. The craziest part is that this all happened before Virginia even turned twenty. So by the age of twenty she was wearing really wealthy clothes, working really wealthy circles, and basically was a part of the mob. Over time, Hill became a trusted cash carrier, money launderer, and information gatherer for Joe and the rest of Capone's crew. She had many rich boyfriends and often used these relationships to benefit her mob family. In one instance she dated an oil tycoon named Major Riddle. No, you cannot make up this name, and yes, I wrote in my script to pause for insane laughter but no one is laughing. I think his name is hilarious.

Haley: I think that’s the best name ever.

Alana: We're on meat. We're on mute. Lexi that's why we're not laughing you didn't... they won’t be able to see the face that I made.

Lexi: Yeah. That's true. I forgot. Well anyway she dated this oil tycoon Mr. Riddle and she convinced him to give her money for investments that were like completely fake and she took that money back to her boy Joe. And Hill used her womanly charm, and by that I mean she seduced men. And through these methods she was able to obtain valuable information for her mob bros. Joe encourage Virginia to move out east to build connections between Chicago and New York crime syndicates. In New York, she laundered money and met many more men including a Mexican night club dancer named excuse my pronunciation, if this is wrong, Miguelito Valdez. At some point Virginia marriedValdez to help him maintain his residence in the United States. And then Virginia, at the same time as this marriage, had an on and off affair with Benjamin “Bugsy” Siegel who is a really famous leader in organized crime.The pair is well known to have real chemistry so this wasn't just considered to be a case of her seducing someone. They think that she genuinely liked him And unfortunately at the time Bugsy was married to another woman. In 1940, he was sent to jail on a murder charge. While Bugsy was in jail, Virginia tricked Valdez into signing divorce papers. And it was all very “90 day fiance” of her if you ask me. It is unclear if it was through her marriage or not but at some point Virginia had become very fluent in Spanish. She used her newfound language skills to begin trafficking drugs particularly heroin from Mexico to Chicago. In the 1940s, she attempted to start a career acting in Hollywood while transferring cash from New York to Chicago to LA. Meanwhile, Bugsy was setting up his new crime life in Las Vegas which he believed was the new up and coming resort destination for Americans and in hindsight he was probably right. He wanted Virginia to join him and she did but mainly only to spy on his activities and report back to her other mob leaders like Joe. Unfortunately, Bugsy’s biggest dreams were dashed when his resort project the “Flamingo” failed. He had drowned too much money into elabore improvements to the resort and lost cash when lucky winners struck it big in his casino. In a desperate attempt to save the business, he closed the casino and reopened the Flamingo as a hotel only, which sadly was unsuccessful, because we all know how Vegas went. Hill received orders to leave Las Vegas, so she did. 12 days later, someone shot Bugsy dead in their home. In 1950, Virginia went to a ski resort in Idaho, which I didn’t know you could ski in Idaho, but apparently you can. And she fell in love with an instructor named Hans Hauser. Again, very “90 Day Fiance” of her. Though she was still laundering money and Hauser was not a criminal, he still wanted to marry her. The couple eloped and had a son named Peter. Later that year, Virginia was subpoenaed to appear in a trial on organized crime which would be shown on National TV. She arrived like a star, dressed from head to toe in expensive clothing and jewelry. As a witness, she served her crime family well, evading details and giving vague, basic answers to in depth questions. She used creative lies to explain away all the cash she had laundered, explaining how she had bet money on horses to win her initial cash. She also insisted that most of her wealth came from gifts of suitors, or as we would probably call them today her sugar daddies. Now quick side note- this kinda gives me vibes of the musical Chicago and that song about the main character’s testimony, where she basically used her charm and virtue as a woman to get out of murder. “Well I can’t help it sir, I am just so beautiful men flock to me and give me free things.” On the stand, Virinigia denied that her male friends and lovers were racketeers. When the investigators caught her in her lies, she simply denied knowledge of the nature of their work. “But I never knew anything about their business” she would say. She denied her ability to have any financial knowledge, you know, because she was a lady, and ladies don’t do money things.

Alana: Ladies don’t money.

Lexi: Ladies never money.

Alana: Women be shopping but women don’t be money.

Haley: I love the comparison, like this whole story cuz this is so much like Charlotte. Both of these ladies are trying to be like, “Oh women do this, this is how women look, look how beautiful we are.

Lexi: That’s the vibe. That’s the vibe she was going for. The investigators were still suspicious, it did not work. Because, you know, it was about to be the sixties I mean it was the fifties but was about to be the sixties and so women were going to be liberated. As Virginia left the trial, she cursed out the press and she punched a reporter in the face. Then as she got her car she told reporters she hoped an atomic bomb would be dropped on them, which I think is a timely thing to say. This was right after World War II. That- That’s a big insult. That’s really mean. Virginia and Hans then realized that they needed to leave America so they moved to Europe. The IRS was still on Virginia's tail and she knew she could not return to the States ever again. She met up with her old boyfriends and colleagues while they were in Europe and it was clear she still received money from her life's consistent characters like Joe. In the nineteen sixties Virginia and her family settled in Austria and her mental health rapidly declined.

Viriginia had suffered with her mental health through most of her adult life, getting hooked on sleeping pills and almost dying from a sleeping pill overdose on at least one occasion. Her life was turbulent, her trauma was intense, and she survived at least three separate suicide attempts. On cold, winter’s day, March 24th, 1966, in Austria, Virginia took her own life. Pedestrians taking a walk along the water found her body, laying in the snow, along with a note stating the reason for her death, “I am tired of life”. Her husband Hans also took his own life, passing in 1974. Their son Peter, who would go on to become an American soldier and veterean of the Vietnam War, died in a car accident 20 years later. The family is buried together, in Salzburg, Austria. To this day, some crime enthusiasts believe Virginia may have been murdered, force fed pills as a method to hide a murder as suicide of someone with a history of mental illness. Though her apparent struggles with her mental health throughout her life really suggest this theory is unlikely. I think Virginia can teach us a lot, for starters I think the importance of mental health help is something her legacy can teach us. Virginia had a horrible childhood and instead of getting help she needed, she was married off and eventually she was convinced to do crime. She spent a lot of her life struggling, and it's possible some for mental health issues stem from that early trauma. I think Virginia can teach us a lot, for starters I think the importance of mental health help is something her legacy can teach us. Virginia had a horrible childhood, and instead of getting the help she needed, she was married off. She spent a lot of her life struggling, and it is possible some of her mental health issues stemmed from that early trauma. I think Virginia also teaches us that it took more than men to make the Mobs of early and mid century America function. Virginia was often called the mistress of the mob, but that’s not fair- she wasn’t a mistress of the mob, she was a member of the mob. Women, both those whose stories are recorded and those whose stories were forgotten, played central roles in organized crime. So maybe next time you think about famous figures like Al Capone, think of the women like Virginia Hill who supported the crimes too. And that’s why we cover the good, the bad, and the ugly of women’s history, because there are so many stories that go untold.

Alana: That was so beautiful.

Haley: That was mind blowing.

Lexi: Thank you! I am gonna leave in you guys calling it beautiful too!

Alana: That was incredible.

Lexi: I really thought about that really hard.

Alana: Holy shit!

Haley: I truly love that like all our stories had a moral like that the ending for Alana was also just like you have to face that you're a killer that's a no no and like Lexi here with mental health and then me being like it's not all black and white you’re both bad people!

Alana: Nuance and context is like my mantra these days.

Lexi: That’s academics.

Haley: Yes.

Alana: Nuance and context as academics.

Lexi As people who studied at a university. Oh my.

Alana: I have a bachelor's degree.

Lexi: Mhmm. Is this podcast just proof to your parents that you got a bachelor's degree?

Alana: No, they paid for it.

Lexi: They know.

Alana: They know.

Lexi: They suffered.

(Alana laughing)

Lexi: You can find this podcast on Twitter and Instagram at LadyHistoryPod. Our show notes and a transcript of this episode will be on lady history pod dot tumblr dot com. If you like the show, leave us a review or tell your friends, and if you don’t like the show, keep it to yourself.

Alana: Our logo is by Alexia Ibarra you can find her on Instagram and Twitter at LexiBDraws. Our theme music is by me, Garageband, and Amelia Earhart. Lexi is doing the editing. You will not see us, and we will not see you, but you will hear us, next time on Lady History.

[OUTRO MUSIC]

Haley: Next week on Lady History: we're going to be in the kitchen cooking up some great stories about famous women chefs and cooks alike.

Alana: WHERE WE BELONG.

Lexi: In the kitchen.

Alana: /s.

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koalas-koalas-everywhere · 5 years

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Live blogging the Hobbit pt.7

Flies And Spiders

I’ve been looking forward to this one.

“There were black squirrels in the wood. As Bilbo’s sharp inquisitive eyes got used to seeing things he could catch glimpses of them whisking off the path and scuttling behinf tree-trunks.” I should write a fic about this myself, but I think it would be a funny scene to have Bilbo, with his sharper eyesight, mention the squirrels and the dwarves just. Have absolutely no idea what he’s talking about? What squirrels?? Bilbo: … the squirrels. Dwarves: wut. B:The squirrels that run around every once in a while. And him trying to point them out but being unable to because of their speed and their black colour. Eventually, after they’ve been in the woods a while, becoming irritable and kinda muddled and just really freaked out, Bilbo snaps and out of nowhere throws a rock at one of them, only stunning it, but effectively bringing it down. The dwarves are all like, Bilbo wtf, both because it was very sudden and because they didn’t know he had that good of an aim, but he just goes “you see it? you see it? oh thank heavens I was starting to think I was going crazy and just imagining it.” That’s when they decide to try to shoot them and eat them and when they realise… well, I’ll keep it for that bulletpoint.

“Even the dwarves felt it, who were used to tunneling, and lived at times for long whiles without the light of the sun; but the hobbit, who liked holes to make a house in but not to spend summer days in, felt that he was being slowly suffocated.”

Lmao why does he always get the worst of it? Tolkien, I’ll see you in hell.

“They tried shooting the squirrels, and they wasted many arrows before they managed to bring one down on the path. But when they roasted it, it proved horrible to taste, and they shot no more squirrels.”

Here it is, back to the story, they hunt the squirrels, realise they’re gross, and are like, “Bilbo, you’re the most weirdly skillful yet useless person we’ve ever met.”

‘Dori is the strongest, but Fili is the youngest and still has the best sight.” Fili is the what

“All the time he was wondering whether there were spiders in the tree, and how he was going to get down again (except by falling).”

why not

“They did not care tuppence about the butterflies, and ere only made more angry when he told them of the beautiful breeze, which they were too heavy to climb up and feel.” It is kind of tacky, Bilbo

Double fuck, my bookmark fell off and the spine got cracked. This has literally never happened to me before D:<

In theory, leaving a mark that something’s been used and loved is a concept I like. In practice? This is bothering me.

“That night they ate the last scraps and crumbs of food; and next morning when they woke the first thing they noticed was that they were still gnawingly hungry, and the nest thing was that it was raining and that here and there the drip of it was dropping heavily on the forest floor.” I mean, they’ve eaten the last of the food and they’re still hungry — chances are that even if they’d known they were almost out of the woods, they wouldn’t have made it anyway. (So certain authors can stow it.)

“There were many people there, elvish-looking folk, all dressed in green and brown and sitting on sawn rings of the felled trees in a great circle.” Why elvish-looking and not just elves?

“They were lost in a completely lightless dark and they could not even find one another, not for a long time at any rate. After blundering frantically in the gloom, falling over logs, bumping crash into trees, and shouting and calling till they must have waked everything in the forest for miles, at last they managed to gather themselves in a bundle and count themselves by touch.” First off, I want to serve this as an example of and proof that Tolkien, while not going quite so low as to make scatological and fart jokes, used plenty of slapstick comedy. Second, oh my god you guys, that is not the way to find each other in the dark!

“Thorin said: ‘No rushing forward this time! No one is to stir from hiding till I say. I shall send Mr. Baggins alone first to talk to them. They won’t be frightened of him--(‘What about me of them?’ thought Bilbo)-- and any way I hope they won’t do anything nasty to him.’” All praise the fearless and generous leader!

It reminds me of a fanfic I really like, still in progress, where the fanon dynamic for Bagginshield (and indeed, most common tropes of romance) gets subverted by having Thorin trust and rely on Bilbo to protect him instead of being overprotective. It was started after the first movie but before the others, and I can really see it in the book. (Of course, that probably has something to do with the fact that Tolkien didn’t write it to be romantic.)

“‘They are the best I am likely to get in this beastly place,’ he mutteres, ad he lay down beside the dwarves and tried to go back to sleep and find his dream again.” Dwarf(and hobbit)pile!

“He was deep in thoughts of bacon and eggs and toast and butter when he felt something touch him. Something like a strong sticky string was against his left hand, and when he tried to move he found that his legs were already wrapped in the same stuff, so that when he got up he fell over.

Then the great spider, who had been busy tying him up while he dozed, came from behind him and came at him.” Almost executed for daydreaming about breakfast in the middle of Mirkwood at night crimes.

“He beat the creature off with his hands--it was trying to poison him to keep him quiet, as small spiders do to flies--until he remembered his sword and drew it out.”

Bilbo: *balls up fists and swings them like cartoon boxer* Let’s do this Shire style!

But also, I want to point out that it says he beat it off not tried to beat it off. That implies success.

Also, I’m kind of freaked out at the implication that that’s a small spider.

“Then it went mad and leaped and danced and flung out its legs in horrible jerks, until he killed it with another stroke; and then he fell down and remembered nothing more for a long while.

There was the usual dim grey light of the forest-day about him when he came to his senses.” Fair.

“Bilbo was a pretty fair shot with a stone, and it did not take him long to find a nice smooth egg-shaped one that fitted his hand cosily. As a boy he used to practise throwing stones at things, until rabbits and squirrels, and even birds, got out of his was as quick as lightning if they saw him stoop; and even grow--up he had still spent a deal of his time at quoits, dart-throwing, shooting at the wand, bowls, ninepins and other quiet games of the aiming and throwing sort--indeed he could do lots of things, besides blowing smoke-rings, asking riddles and cooking, that I haven’t had time to tell you about. There is no time now.” There are so many levels of hilarity here, like

1- Bilbo used to be a fucking menace. And he didn’t quite get over it either!

2- They only ran away when he stooped? This just makes me think that he might have done nice things to make them at least tolerate him otherwise, instead of outright avoiding him or attacking him. Like, “ah, it’s that little boy, who’ll either feed us, he’s so nice and- uh oh he stooped, time to go boys.” Alternatively, it’s genetic memory warning them away from Bilbo. I was thinking maybe it was about all hobbits, but it does say “until they got out of his way”, meaning there was a time when they didn’t.

3- That’s such a hilariously late time in the story to introduce us to the fact that the main character has not only good aim but a strong enough arm to throw a stone right through a giant spider’s web, which would be thicker and probably more durable than the normal variety, already stronger than steel. And then kill the spider on the other side.

4- “Other quiet games of the aiming and throwing sort.” Idk man, other games of the sort, figure it out yourself.

5- I want to know about the other stuff Bilbo can do.

“This is what he sang:

Old fat spider spinning in a tree!

Old fat spider can’t see me!

Attercop! Attercop!

Won’t you stop,

Stop your spinning and look for me?

Old Tomnoddy, all big body.

Old Tomnoddy can’t spy me!

Attercop! Attercop!

Down you drop!

You’ll never catch me up your tree!

Not very good perhaps, but then you must remember that he had to make it up himself, on the spur of a very awkward moment.” Tolkien, shut up, it’s beautiful.

Also, lol, about to be eaten by spiders, how awks.

“Standing now in the middle of the hunting and spinning insects Bilbo plucked up his courage and began a new song.” Bilbo: If I’m gonna die, it’s gonna be as annoyingly as possible.

Honestly, though, this is my favourite song in the book.

“Bilbo’s next job was to loose a dwarf.” Very different from losing a dwarf, which he’s already done x14 (Thorin counts twice, especially considering he hasn’t even realized he’s lost him yet).

“Suddenly Bilbo noticed that some of the spiders had gathered round old Bombur on the floor, and had tied him up again and were dragging him away. He gave a shout and slashed at the spiders in front of him. They quickly gave way, and he scrambled and fell down the tree right into the middle of those on the ground. His little sword was something new in the way of stings for them. How it darted to and fro! It shone with delight as he stabbed at them. Half a dozen were killed before the rest drew off and left Bombur to Bilbo.” Bilbo’s gone berserk.

Also, Sting shone with delight? What a bloodthirsty blade.

“Away behind them now the shouting and singing suddenly stopped.” DUN DUN DUUUUUN

“Things were looking pretty bad again, when suddenly Bilbo reappeared, and charged into the astonished spiders unexpectedly from the side.

‘Go on! Go on!” he shouted. “I will do the stinging!”

And he did. He darted backwards and forwards, slashing at spider-threads, hacking at their legs, and stabbing at their fat bodies if they came too near. The spiders swelled with rage, and spluttered and frothed, and hissed out horrible curses; but they had become mortally afraid of Sting, and dared not come very near, now that it had come back. So curse as they would, their prey moved slowly but steadily away. It was a most terrible business, and seemed to take hours.” Love this part. All very heroic.

“They knew only too well that they would soon all have been dead if it had not been for the hobbit; and they thanked him many times. Some of them even got up and bowed right to the ground before him, though they fell over with the effort, and could not get on their legs again for some time.” I can imagine Bilbo all flustered, going “good. Hope you’ve learned your lesson and won’t be doing that again. Limit yourself to fawning.”

“All of a sudden Dwalin opened an eye, and looked round at them. ‘Where is Thorin?’ he asked.”Lmao, finally!

“They differed from the High Elves of the West, and were more dangerous and less wise.” Feral.

“All this was well known to every dwarf, though Thorin’s family had had nothing to do with the old quarrel I have spoken of. Consequently Thorin was angry at their treatment of him, when they took their spell off and he came to his senses.” Another change done for the movie: Thorin’s family wasn’t involved in the feud.

Also lmao this weapon, a prisoner and all “how dare you”.

I’m not going to talk about the conversation between Thorin and Thranduil bc it’s probably been done to death.

Definitely my favourite chapter this far. Main character’s skills and learned courage begins to show? Check. He uses them in a fight that gives him extra confidence? Check. Heroics mixed with witty commentary and one-liners? Check. Team begins to see them in a new, more positive light? Check. Elves being made fun of and painted as kinda ridiculous? Check. (This one’s very subjective ig.)

#The Hobbit #liveblogging #Bilbo Baggins #Thorin Oakenshield III #dwarves #hobbits #The Company of Thorin Oakenshield #Gandalf #Elves #Mirkwood #Spiders

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neverwatchedonepiece · 6 years

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461: The Beginning of the War! Ace and Whitebeard's Past!

Yeah, I can see why Ace crumbled and joined him.

Really enjoyed the reveal of Ace’s past and how he achieved his infamy. And it turns out Ace was an infamous, powerful pirate in his own right before he joined Whitebeard. That, I was not expecting.

Loved that part at the start of 461 when Luffy was chatting to Ivankov and pulled a Hagrid. Ivankov was wondering if Dragon would show up to the execution because he was certain, absolutely certain that Dragon would not allow the WG to kill his own son.

Luffy, the oblivious rubber child, said within earshot of the entire breakout crew: “Wut? No, Dragon is MY dad. Ace’s dad is Gol D. Roger. He got the cool one, eh? Wait... I shouldn’t have said that. I really should not have said that.”

Oh, Luffy.

Whitebeard

Then, finally, after I don’t know how many episodes of waiting, the main event arrived.

@mrkashkiet asked if I had any predictions on Whitebeard’s powers. I said my first predictions were for a fruit power. Then, when I learned about Shanks and his lack of fruit, I figured maybe Whitebeard would be one of those guys who is so strong he doesn’t need a fruit. If Whitebeard did have a fruit, since he is a big, physically powerful guy, I guessed he would have earth or earthquake powers to compliment the muscles.

Argh, I was so close!

Whitebeard’s entrance was understated but even that showed his supreme confidence in his power. The other two ships popped up beside his, revealing he had brought all fourteen of his commanders with him. Then, in deathly silence, came the chink, chink, chink of someone slowly, deliberately ascending a flight of stairs (there’s those stairs again. Might start shipping Oda x Stairs).

Of course it was Whitebeard. I cheered.

I loved the casual threats he sent Sengoku’s way. “It’s been a while. You’d better be telling me that my adorable, fiery son is alright?” Sengoku was sweat dropping like he was out at Nandos with the lads and regretted slathering on all the Vusa sauce to show off.

Then Whitebeard turned to Ace and was like, “Yeah, just gimme a sec, son.”

I thought, such bravado from the whitest of beards. But it was not mere bravado.

Whitebeard built up power and (this was so badass I’m still not over it) punched the air so hard it cracked. I wasn’t sure what was going on at first. I figured it was lightning (but then that had already been done with Enel) but Sengoku kindly explained the technique. Whitebeard has eaten the Tremor Tremor Fruit (not sure I got that right). It causes sea quakes! Not earthquakes. Argh, I was so close.

Then the action cut to flashback.

I have never welcomed a flashback as much. Come to think of it, I always enjoy One Piece flashbacks. Up until now, they’ve always served a plot purpose or as a reminder to a viewer (like remember when Luffy beat this guy two hundred episodes ago?) This is in contrast to something like Naruto. If you’ve seen it, how many times did you see Naruto having that sad day on the swings? Exactly.

The flashbacks revealed that Ace has ticked off some awesome boxes, just like Luffy.

Ace’s Past

The flashback opened with a young, fresh-faced Ace, waving goodbye to little Luffy. Almost immediately, Ace was causing chaos. He founded the Spades Pirates (I see what you did there, Oda) and tore the place up to the point he got himself into the OP News.

Garp was mad. He wanted Ace to become an accountant.

Whitebeard also read the OP News. Sage old man that he is, he shook his head. These young whippersnappers are too hasty. Whitebeard revealed that Ace even refused a request to join the Shichibukai (now that’s really something. I wonder if Sengoku had his suspicions about who Ace was. Maybe Garp was behind the request, subtly prompting the Marines to enlist Ace because it would keep him safe?)

But that wasn’t all. Foolhardy young Ace went to visit Shanks.

He dragged his crew with him up Caradhras a snowy mountain. Spade Crew expressed doubts because this was The Shanks they were crashing in on, uninvited. But Ace was like, “It’ll be fine, stop bitching!”

Ace rocks up with his crew and Shanks was not in Saving Tiny Children Mode, but in Badass Mode. He wasn’t too keen on Ace impinging on his chill time until Ace said, “Nah, I’m not here to fight. I want to say thanks for saving my little bro.” It’s amazing what mentioning Luffy’s name does to Shanks. He thawed immediately and it was party time.

The reveal that Ace wanted to become Pirate King when he was younger was unexpected. I totally assumed that he had grown up hating Roger and everything he stood for, so that when Whitebeard came along as a substitute father, he latched on.

The reality was different. It took a long time for Ace to come around. Now that I think about it, I like that much better. Ace gave up his dream to be the Pirate King but it took a long time, a lot of convincing and it was his own decision, taken after a great deal of thought and only when trust, mutual respect and a real relationship was established. Good.

I love that Ace fought Jimbei for five days. No idea why Jimbei felt obligated to screen Whitebeard’s appointments like his secretary, but it was cool to get a feel for how tough Jimbei is as an opponent.

I felt sorry for Ace when after he collapsed, done with Jimbei, Whitebeard sailed up out of the mist and was like, “So I heard one of you was looking for a fight?”

Exhaused, Ace said, “Yes, that would be me. Run, crew!” But Whitebeard was just too strong. Luckily, Whitebeard had taken a liking to Ace (maybe he saw Roger in Ace and suspected?). He extended a massive hand and said, “I like you. You are cheeky. You are valuable. Become my fiery son.”

It was a hard pass from Ace, but he woke up on the Moby Dick. He was not happy. Ace tried (hilariously) to assassinate Whitebeard over a hundred times and got reckt.

He met Thatch, the 4th Division Commander who came a cropper courtesy of Blackbeard (rip, Thatch). Thatch was nice. He gave Ace some good advice: “You can either get off this ship and start again, or stay and wear Whitebeard’s mark.”

Ace stayed. He made such a name for himself that the Whitebeards started talking about making him 2nd Division Commander. Ace was like, “Who, me? But there are people there who’ve been around longer.”

One of those people was Blackbeard!

That was another interesting thing to learn, that Teach was one of the original Whitebeard crew members. It makes his betrayal all the more disturbing. Ace was sitting casually, with him, worrying if BB would be offended if he went for 2nd Division commander. Blackbeard said: “Don’t worry...

Technically true, but also a such a huge, bare-faced omission of truth it’s equivalent to a lie. Sneaky, evil Teach.

The moment Whitebeard finally won over Ace fully was when Ace knocked at his door one night and told him about his heritage. Instead of being angry that his old rival’s son had infiltrated his crew, Whitebeard was cool about it. “That doesn’t matter. We’re all family.” Whitebeard didn’t care that Ace was Roger’s son. He cared that Ace was his son. Excuse me while I dab my eyes with a nearby handkerchief.

Then Thatch found the Yami Yami no Mi and it all went to shit, complete with black and white “is that a dagger I see before me” flashback with Teach looking demonic and pleased.

Ace was distraught when he found out. He took Teach’s betrayal personally. As Teach’s commander, Teach was his responsibility. Worst of all, Teach had disgraced Whitebeard, Ace’s father’s, name. Whitebeard tried to stop him, said, “This is an exception. I have a bad feeling about this,” probably knowing what fruit Teach had stolen. But Ace was too wrapped up in grief and anger to listen.

Ace knows that now. He admitted to causing the omnishambles that is about to kick off. He should have listened. Why did they come?

But Whitebeard said he told Ace to go? Wtf? I don’t get that yet, but I hope he will explain himself in 462.

Good episode, though. 10/10 would watch again.

During a late night father-son chat, Whitebeard reveals the secret of how he sculpts his facial hair.

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pparkchimin · 7 years

Note

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ 👀

wow get ready for 28!!!!!!1111!! look @ wut u made me d o

1. Super Bass by Nicki MInaj

Excuse me, you’re a hell of a guy you know I really got a thing for American guysI mean, sigh, sickenin’ eyesI can tell that you’re in touch with your feminine side

2. How to Be a Heartbreaker by Marina and The Diamonds

Girls, we do, whatever it will takeCause girls don’t wantWe don’t want our hearts to break, in twoSo it’s better to be fakeCan’t risk losing in love again, babe

3. Miss Murder by AFI

Simply a look can break your heartThe stars that pierce the skyHe left them all behindWe’re left to wonder whyHe left us all behind

4. Do Ya Think I’m Sexy? (Cover) by Glee Cast

If you want my body and you think I’m sexyCome on, sugar, tell me soIf you really need me, just reach out and touch meCome on, honey, tell me so

5. Close ft. Tove Lo by Nick Jonas

I am not really known for ever being speechlessBut now, but now somehowMy words roll off my tongue right onto your lips, ohI’m keeping cool while you keep smilingSaying all the things I’m thinking

6. Check Yes Juliet by We The Kings

Don’t sell your heartDon’t say we’re not meant to beRun, baby, runForever we’ll beYou and me

7. We Built This City by Starship

Knee deep in the hoopla sinking in your fightToo many runaways eating up the nightMarconi plays the mamba, listen to the radio, don’t you rememberWe built this city, we built this city on rock and roll

8. Primadonna by Marina and The Diamonds

Would you get down on your knees for me?Pop the pretty question right now, babyBeauty queen on a silver screenLiving life like I’m in a dreamI know I’ve got a big egoI really don’t know why it’s such a big deal, though

9.Heaven by DJ Sammy

Baby, you’re all that I wantWhen you’re lyin’ here in my armsI’m findin’ it hard to believeWe’re in heaven

10. Oh by Ciara

Trunk-rattlin’ what’s happenin’, huh?I don’t even think I need to speedBass-travelin’, face-crackilin’ huh?Turn it up and make the speakers bleed

11. Get Higher by Paper Tongues

I don’t wanna wake up from thisI cannot afford to forgetThe feeling of your arms, they hold meThe power of your skin, it’s lovelyYou provoke a man to bow downAnd I get on my knees and cry outEverything I have is yours now

12. Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Mayer

I was the one you always dreamed ofYou were the one I tried to drawHow dare you say it’s nothing to meBaby, you’re the only light I ever saw

13. Paint It, Black by Rolling Stones

I look inside myself and see my heart is blackI see my red door, I must have it painted blackMaybe then I’ll fade away and not have to face the factsIt’s not easy facing up when your whole world is black

14. The River Has Run Wild by Mads Langer

The river has run wild tonightIt hurts to see you burning, burning oh so brightSee throughMy looking glassI sell the pastIt’s still oh so quiet

15. Papa Don’t Preach by Madonna

You always taught me right from wrong I need your help, daddy please be strong I may be young at heart But I know what I’m saying

16. Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance

Sometimes I get the feeling she’s watching over meAnd other times I feel like I should goAnd through it all, the rise and fall, the bodies in the streetsAnd when you’re gone, we want you all to knowWe’ll carry on

17. Stacy’s Mom by Fountains Of Wayne

She’s all I want and I’ve waited for so longStacy, can’t you see? You’re just not the girl for meI know it might be wrong, but I’m in love with Stacy’s mom

18. Same Love by Macklemore

“Man, that’s gay” gets dropped on the dailyWe’ve become so numb to what we’re sayingOur culture founded from oppressionYet we don’t have acceptance for ‘em

19. Dog Days Are Over by Florence and The Machine

Run fast for your mother, run fast for your fatherRun for your children, for your sisters and brothersLeave all your love and your longing behindYou can’t carry it with you if you want to survive

20. Rush Rush by Paula Abdul

I’m gonna run, I’m gonna tryI’m gonna take this love right to yaAll my heart, all the joyOh, baby, baby, please

21. How Far We’ve Come by Matchbox Twenty

I’m waking up at the start of the end of the world,But its feeling just like every other morning before,Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it’s gone,The cars are moving like a half a mile an hourAnd I started staring at the passengers who’re waving goodbyeCan you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?

22. Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood

Use the sleeves of my sweaterLet’s have an adventureHead in the clouds but my gravity’s centeredTouch my neck and I’ll touch yours

23. Holiday by Madonna

You can turn this world aroundAnd bring back all of those happy daysPut your troubles downIt’s time to celebrateLet love shine

24. Havana by Camila Cabello

Havana, ooh na-na Half of my heart is in Havana, ooh-na-naHe took me back to East Atlanta, na-na-naAll of my heart is in Havana My heart is in Havana

25. Eye of the Tiger by Survivor

So many times it happens too fastYou trade your passion for gloryDon’t lose your grip on the dreams of the pastYou must fight just to keep them alive

26. Popular by The Original Wicked Cast

Don’t be offended by my frank analysisThink of it as personality dialysisNow that I’ve chosen to become a pal, a sis-Ter and adviserThere’s nobody wiser

27. So Sick by Ne-yo

I’m so fed up with my thoughts of youAnd your memoryAnd how every song reminds meOf what used to be

28. Love Addict by Family Force 5

Doctor, doctor, I’ve got an emergencyIt seems I’m head over heels, a case of L-O-V-EIt’s like I’m glowing insideYeah, a light I can’t hideAnd if this feeling is bad then I don’t wanna be rightWhat I’ve got in my soul gives me the highest delightOh yeah it’s better than drugsIn fact it’s sent from above

29. Fuckin’ Perfect by P!nk

You’re so mean, when you talk, about yourself you were wrongChange the voices in your head, make them like you insteadSo complicated, look how big, you’ll make itFilled with so much hatred, such a tired game

30. 心臓を捧げよ by Linked Horizon

Offer up your hearts!All your sacrifices were for this moment!

捧げよ　捧げよ　心臓を捧げよ全ての犠牲は今この瞬間のために捧げよ　捧げよ　心臓を捧げよ進むべき未来をその手で切り拓け

31. Young And Beautiful by Lana Del Ray

Dear lord, when I get to heavenPlease let me bring my manWhen he comes tell me that you’ll let him inFather tell me if you canAll that grace, all that bodyAll that face, makes me wanna partyHe’s my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds

32. Faithfully by Journey

Restless heartsSleep alone tonightSending all my love along the wire

33. I Want You Back by Jackson 5

Trying to live without your love is one long sleepless nightLet me show you, girl, that I know wrong from rightEvery street you walk on, I leave tear stains on the groundFollowing the girl I didn’t even want around

#B I T C H YOU thoUGHt i wouldnt do it. IMM LAUGHING I THOUGHT IT WAS 38 AND WENT UP TO 33 OOPS #MY MOM DIDNT RAISE NO QUITTER #kousseii #Ask

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verdigrisprowl · 7 years

Text

Nov 30 Blurr’s Horror Stream - Sleight

Prowl showed up for the first time in ages, at Bonecrusher’s request, to show Buzzsaw the finished avatar that Bonecrusher was working on. Buzzsaw thinks it should be in a gallery, and is prepared to arrange it. Prowl isn’t going to admit that he’s proud of Bonecrusher, but he told everyone whose attention he attracted for more than three seconds that Bonecrusher is going to be in an art gallery.

Except Whirl. Prowl’s mad at Whirl. Whirl killed Imperius Drax.

The movie was good, not that Prowl would know, because he didn’t pay attention to it. Whirl did though. Whirl shouldn’t have.

Welcome to the 'speedxstealer' room. The chat room has been cleared by the moderator. B l u r r: / yes he is here. Skids in on pedes / B l u r r: [[ brb! ]] B l u r r: [[ im back! ]] B l u r r: [[ y'all lemme know when you ready! ]] FakeProwl: ((CRO ARE U HERE i asked you a question on skype)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((YES sorry moment of distraction I AM HERE)) FakeProwl: ((o7)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((and generally ready)) B l u r r: [[ okie. ]] Bevel: ((also ready B l u r r: [[ i shall wait for everyone yes ]] Bevel: ((it is cold in my room but the heater makes horrible annoying noises so I am distracted B l u r r: [[ rude. ]] B l u r r: [[ of the heater, i mean ]] FakeProwl: ((I'm here and ready)) B l u r r: [[ okie. After this song, we start. ]] B l u r r: [[ >>;; cause i like this song ]] FakeProwl: *a Very Extremely Majorly Uncomfortable-Looking Nova Prime appears* FakeProwl: ((it's a Good song)) B l u r r: [[ its my favorite part ;A; ] Bevel: *bulky tank bot Bevel has arrived* B l u r r: / He is here and throwing himself on his couch / ItsyBitsySpyers: Soundwave trudges in looking a little bit dusty for once and... and seeing Bonecrusher, immediately moves to the opposite end of the room. THEN drops down.* B l u r r: / waves at everyone / Whirl: *BUSTS IN* Whirl: TEACH B l u r r: ... Yes? Whirl: You're alive. Bevel: Hi, Whirl B l u r r: ... For the moment. Whirl: 'Sup, Shovel? ItsyBitsySpyers: *Rumble and Ravage follow a couple of minutes behind, one sitting near Bevel and the other about to stop at Blurr's feet when SUDDENLY WHIRL and there is a startled cat hissing and spitting-- ItsyBitsySpyers: and jumping into the air* B l u r r: / sits up a little and pats Ravage. It okay / B l u r r: / wiggles claws at Whirl / Whirl: *he trots on over to his hammock--oh my GOD THAT RAVAGE REACTION WAS HILARIOUS BUT. BUT. Whirl's wrestling with a deep internal struggle* Bevel: Lots! 'Sup with you? Whirl: *he..... ignores it and merely ascends his hammock throne. For your sake, ravage* B l u r r: You're one to talk, Whirl. I haven't seen you in a while. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Ravage will lick the hell out of a front leg to hide his embarrassment.* Whirl: *clicks his claws right back at Blurr* I've been busy, and stranded, and someone hit me with a spaceship, and you know. All that good stuff. Unable to make it. B l u r r: Sounds like fun. Whirl: A laugh and a half, I assure you. FakeProwl: *"Bonecrusher" looks over at Soundwave—and gives him a greeting/permission ping. Not Bonecrusher, just Prowl wearing Bonecrusher's costume.* B l u r r: Indeed. K-Kyehehehe. Bevel: What happened to the spaceship? *waves to Rumble* B l u r r: I haven't been doing much, personally. Robbing people. FakeProwl: *He tries to shuffle across the room to Soundwave's seat. It's difficlt. He's big. He might bump into one or two people.* Whirl: Right now I've got it. I'm getting my revenge by *huge claw air-quotes* "renovating" it. ItsyBitsySpyers: //Ew. What's in his shoulder?// B l u r r: Oh? Well, if you need help. I've got a few mechs in my ship that can help. B l u r r: / snarls / Excuse you, mech. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave is a little confused by the permission. He's more confused by the shuffling. There's some looking around in confusion.* Whirl: *sticks that legy out and rocks his hammock* I might take you up on that, Teach. ItsyBitsySpyers: *In general, a lot of "wut".* B l u r r: Mmhm. Don't hesitate to ask. Bevel: Renovating? Whirl: Gutting it, mostly. FakeProwl: Sorry. *tries to move out of he way and nearly falls over an empty couch. Damn this stupid body.* Bevel: Sounds fun! Whirl: I might be able to use it, but... too early to tell. It's a fixer-upper. Bevel: Do you want any help? Whirl: It's somethin' to do. *bobs his head; he'd offer you a seat Bevel, but you're too big to share the hammock* B l u r r: / snorts at the fall / Walk much? Whirl: ...*tilts his head; he seems genuinely taken aback by the offer* Oh. Uh. Whirl: Sure, if you want. *TWO PEOPLE offering to help in like. the span of ten minutes. Amazin* Bevel: *way too big for that hammock* FakeProwl: *Mutters.* Not in this frame I don't. *Okay. Mission accomplished. He sits by Soundwave.* Bevel: I do. Whirl: But it's good to see you, Teach. *very casual. Exceedingly casual. Whirl might have missed his friend* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Catches the mutter and tilts his helm. What frame would - oh. But why is he wearing THAT?* B l u r r: Good to see you, too. Naturally. Whirl: Then, yeah. I'm not really... doing anything, except for ripping it up, so you can just ping me when you wanna come over. Nowhere else to be. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[...Greetings.]] ItsyBitsySpyers: =Does it have files?= Whirl: ((GUS IS THAT U)) B l u r r: (( IT IS )) Whirl: (OMG)) FakeProwl: ... Hi. Whirl: ...*does Prowl still smell like prowl or* Bevel: Ok! FakeProwl: *well. he smells like a hologram.* FakeProwl: *which is what prowl usually smells like, so.* ItsyBitsySpyers: [[...Why are you wearing that?]] Is this because of what he did? Some weird Autobot-style punishment? Whirl: ((PFFT)) FakeProwl: *although what he LOOKS like is a half-rusted zombie Nova Prime.* Whirl: ((pardon, I am unsure of Prowl's in-person privileges as I am out of the loop)) FakeProwl: ... Bonecrusher wanted Buzzsaw to see the final result. FakeProwl: ((he's still locked up, still visiting people in hologram. NO CHANGE, BASICALLY.)) Whirl: ((ALAS, POOR PROWL)) FakeProwl: ((but we have a Plan now)) Whirl: ((good)) Whirl: ((u need someone to smuggle u out..... i might have a ship u can use...... maybe)) FakeProwl: ((no no, he's getting out legally.)) B l u r r: ... /mumbles / That date looked boring anyway. Whirl: *ping ping* @Blurr: Oh, second question. You seem like the sort of guy who'd know where to find one-a these--you know any good taxidermists? B l u r r: / outright cackles / FakeProwl: ((... by which i mean by punching a cop and under-the-table bargaining with starscream.)) B l u r r: / sorry, whirl / Bevel: ((close enough Whirl: ((y'know, i think whirl might approve. Depending)) B l u r r: @Whirl: Your favorite mech on my ship. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Ah. Give him a moment.]] And a literal moment it is. Buzzsaw zips in and perches on the tip of Soundwave's shoulder, peering down. B l u r r: / where is ravage. He will pet / Whirl: *stares into space. Cycles a long, long sigh. REALLY long. Gradually sinks out of siight at the bottom of the hammock as he does this. It's like watching a deflating balloon made of elbows* B l u r r: / oh my god whirl / ItsyBitsySpyers: *Ravage is at Blurr's feet, lightly dozing. He makes the Cat Activation Noise, then settles back under the pets. Buzzsaw turns his head this way and that, examining the holo work.* B l u r r: / pet pets. Respectable pets / Whirl: @Blurr: I'll consider it. B l u r r: @Whirl: He'll do it if I tell him to. Whirl: @Blurr: I mean I',m sure he WILL I was just enjoying a nice, long, Piston-free period of my life. ItsyBitsySpyers: }}This... this is marvelous. Axle grease in the face of every Senator's ego. Such meaning! The textures and details--{{ Beak clack. Thinking. B l u r r: @Whirl: Oh, he's not so bad. B l u r r: @Whirl: He's been rather nice lately. FakeProwl: And he added tiny people, too. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Buzzsaw's optic band blinks. He floats over to the holo's shoulder and perches there, peering even closer.* Whirl: *head pops back up to peer at Blurr* @Blurr: I don't trust him. FakeProwl: *He lifts up an arm to point at tiny people swimming/flailing in a rust wound along Sentinel's right chest and under his arm.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Buzzsaw chatters to himself, clicking and beeping. This is good. This is so good.* }}Gallery.{{ B l u r r: @Whirl: I know you don't, but he'll listen to me if I give him strict rules and orders. FakeProwl: ... They are extremely uncomfortable to feel through. FakeProwl: What? Whirl: @Blurr: maybe. I'll consider it. It's kind of a big deal. Whirl: @Blurr: I got this huge dead snake, and I at LEAST want the head mounted. B l u r r: @Whirl: Oh? Hnnh... Piston would be willing to do that. So long as you let him keep a piece. Whirl: @Blurr: Nope. Whirl: @Blurr: This was a gift, it's all mine. B l u r r: @Whirl: Then you're going to have to let me order him. ItsyBitsySpyers: }}A gallery, sir. An exhibit. It belongs in one!{{ ItsyBitsySpyers: *Rumble's audio receptors are burning. He's not sure why. He'll look at Bevel and squint.* B l u r r: @Whirl: He'll probably be sulky, but he'll work. FakeProwl: ... You really think—? Is that a recommendation or an offer? B l u r r: [[ ugh is it dropping? ]] Whirl: @Blurr: ...I'll consider it. I mean, I don't know any OTHER taxidermists, but yeah. I'll get back with you. Whirl: ((not on my end!)) Bevel: *looks back, she did nothing* B l u r r: @Whirl: sure. Just let me know. He's been needing work lately. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Rumble motions from his visor to her and nods. He knows you're talking to the Boss about him. Aren't you.* Whirl: *bobs his head; the pact is sealed. The "maybe" pact. He flops back into the hammock* ItsyBitsySpyers: }}Both. I have... contacts.{{ Sunstreaker's turned out to be a bit of all right, and Buzzsaw's pretty sure he can get the other two in on this if he sends them a shot. B l u r r: ... Whirl /waves claw / Whirl: *waves claw back* B l u r r: Question about your ship. Whirl: Yes, that's me. B l u r r: Is it big or small? B l u r r: / is going to distract whirl / Whirl: iT'S... hmm. It's not nearly as big as your ship. B l u r r: Does it have a lot of weapons? Was it a war ship or cargo ship? ItsyBitsySpyers: *Rumble gets ready to throw food at Ravage, just in case.* Whirl: Probably comparable to like... uh. Whirl: It'll have some. Rooms. B l u r r: [[ it keeps telling me it's dropping. B( ]] B l u r r: [[ but i don't know if it is or not ]] B l u r r: Rooms? Whirl: *very quietly shrivels up in the hammock* B l u r r: You running a hotel in there? Bevel: *she isn't talking to anyone. she shrugs in confusion at Rumble* B l u r r: A literal Air B&B? Whirl: *a valiant effort, but damn that scene was drawn out* Whirl: Probably not. Uh. Whirl: Be RIGHT back. Whirl: *going to untangle himself and hop out into the hall for a sec* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Right. That's a whole pack of rust sticks hurled at Ravage, who startles and snaps at the nearest object. Sorry, Blurr's leg.* FakeProwl: I'm—I'll tell Bonecrusher you said so. I'm sure he'll be pleased. B l u r r: / YELPS loud which is more like a snarl and a monstrous yipe/ ItsyBitsySpyers: *THAT was a mistake. Ravage zooms away from Blurr and toward Soundwave, using "Nova Prime" like a bridge and everything on the way.* B l u r r: / snarls and rubs his leg. Rude. / B l u r r: [[ i totally haven't eaten dinner. I'll be back ]] Bevel: *jumps at all the noise* FakeProwl: *starts. why cat* Whirl: *he stops pacing in the hall long enough to peer in because what the hell is all this yowling* ItsyBitsySpyers: *It's a Distraction From Whirl's Exit is what it is.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave gently scratches Ravage's shoulders while he listens to Buzzsaw talk.* }}Good. I must get back - but see that you do!{{ Whirl: *it will be appreciated when he puts two and two together later* B l u r r: ... I'll bite you back. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Hisssss.* =No.= B l u r r: What the frag did you bite me for? boomtank: what did I miss?)) ItsyBitsySpyers: =You dropped fuel on me.= B l u r r: I did no such thing! ItsyBitsySpyers: *STARE at the rust sticks on the floor where he was. What's all that, then.* B l u r r: ...Ravage, do you honestly think I'd drop rust sticks? They're my favorite. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Squint. Sloooooow look over to Rumble. Rumble quickly darts out of the room.* B l u r r: ... I can catch him. ItsyBitsySpyers: =I live with him.= Or, "I'll catch him myself later." B l u r r: ... Mmm. It's better to know where they live. Whirl: *is very careful not to step on the fleeing minicon* Bevel: *bye Rumble* Whirl: Sins found you out, eh? ItsyBitsySpyers: *Buzzsaw floats up and leaves the room, snorting at Rumble on the way out.* //Lil bit. Shoulda used crunchers. Heh.// FakeProwl: *nods toward Buzzsaw as he leaves.* Whirl: Mayeb next time. *snorts. After a moment he peeks momentarily in the room, then looks at Rumble, then looks away* But, hey. ...thanks. Whirl: ((! did it just go offline for anyone else or.....)) boomtank: cut off here)) FakeProwl: ((yeah it's offline)) Bevel: ((it did, so glad it wasn't just me B l u r r: [[ is it back now? ]] B l u r r: [[ omg comcast really? ]] boomtank: still down on my end)) Bevel: ((still down Whirl: ((down here too >8V COMCAAAST)) B l u r r: [[ i paused it. B( ]] B l u r r: [[ I don't have time for it to be doing this ]] boomtank: comcast you bum!)) ItsyBitsySpyers: *Rumble nods.* //No prob.// ItsyBitsySpyers: ((definitely offline)) Tara: (( yeah, down :c (says the lurker in the background) B l u r r: i reset it. Did it work? ]] Whirl: ((I see a pause screen!)) Tara: (( same - pause screen B l u r r: okay. ]] B l u r r: [[ I wait for the rest of u ]] Bevel: ((looks like it's back boomtank: yup!)) FakeProwl: ((yep!)) Bevel: ((*waves to lurker* ItsyBitsySpyers: ((there it goes)) Whirl: ((ye! o/ )) Whirl: *bobs his helm again and looks to the doorway* Safe for you to go back in yet, mech? B l u r r: / tilts helm and relaxes again, slouching on his couch. Getting bit and crap. How rude. / ItsyBitsySpyers: //The Boss scratchin' him?// Whirl: *pokes his head in, peering* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Yep. Scratching a murder cat while sitting next to a zombie Senator, nbd.* Whirl: *withdraws* Yep. Coast clear. I'll cover you. ItsyBitsySpyers: //Cool. Hammock?// Whirl: But of course. *nods graciously and trots back into the room* Okay. Where was I? Rooms, right. B l u r r: Rooms. B l u r r: omfg COMCAST. B l u r r: ]] FakeProwl: *... you know what. There's no reason for Prowl to still be in this body.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Trotting right alongside. Not that it's hard to see him, spindly as Whirl's legs are, but it's the principle of the thing.* Whirl: *swings ab ck up in his hammock and pauses to give Blurr what he thinks is a meaningful look. Or he hopes is, he's not good with faces, but he wants to say, "thank you."* I have to finish gutting-- Whirl: --the ship before I know EXACTLY how much room I'll have but probbaly enough for one deck, about eight rooms or so. Whirl: No crew, though, just me. FakeProwl: *Nova Prime flickers out and Prowl appears in his place.* ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Thank you. That was... closer to a senator than he prefers getting.]] B l u r r: Ahh, I see. Sounds entertaining. Bevel: *...that was definitely not a transformation* B l u r r: Well, like I said. I just remodeled mine. FakeProwl: It wasn't any more pleasant to wear. B l u r r: So, I'm willing to help ItsyBitsySpyers: *It wasn't. Bevel should ask about it.* Whirl: *salutes* Well, consider yourself invited. B l u r r: / smirks and salutes back . B l u r r: / Bevel: *she is going to as soon as she finds words* Prowl? *ok one word down* FakeProwl: Imagine growing a bunch of little... cilia-fingers-people out of your side. And feeling through all of them. FakeProwl: *shudders* Whirl: ((it went down again on my end D: )) FakeProwl: *oh wait that was his name.* Yes? Bevel: ((same :( FakeProwl: ((same)) ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Like when he first got his feelers, then.]] *Amused. He'll be quiet for a moment so Bevel can talk, gesturing to her. Yes, go on.* ItsyBitsySpyers: ((damnation it's down)) B l u r r: oh my god im getting annoyed ]] B l u r r: [ Comcast is doing the thing again ]] B l u r r: [[ the slow down thing ]] B l u r r: is it back?? ]] Whirl: ((got a black screen so far :|a)) Bevel: Is that a holoavatar? Whirl: ((ok! Got a pause screen!)) Bevel: ((it is back FakeProwl: ((ye)) FakeProwl: Yes, it is. I don't come to these things in person. Bevel: That is really cool. You can look however you want. Even like an organic! Whirl: *out goes the legy. Rockin time* Bevel: *which is something she can't do!* FakeProwl: ... To be clear, Nova Prime isn't my choice. It's a— hm. An art piece, that Bonecrusher made. FakeProwl: ...... I'm his model. Bevel: It looked really neat. Is it supposed to be someone? FakeProwl: Yes—it's Nova Prime, as he looks in our universe. Whirl: Heheh. Bevel: Nova Prime was the other bad Prime, right? Whirl: Dead as hell, and the world's a better place for it. Whirl: There aren't any good Primes, Shovel. Trust me on this. Bevel: *...thank you Whirl that answered her question some* B l u r r: / scoffs/ FakeProwl: Yes. Right. It'sssss... symbolic ooof... *give him a second.* B l u r r: Theres one good prime /mumble / Bevel: Which one? B l u r r: Mine, of course. Whirl: Okay, wee-ell... fair, your Prime never did anything to *** me off. B l u r r: See? Whirl: But I only knew him for a few minutes. Whirl: ...and he was. Weird. FakeProwl: ... The way that theee... corrupt actions of the senate, protected the Prime, and concealed the... oppression of the people? Or something like that. Bevel: I do not know your Prime and mine... *shrugs uncomfortably* He left. And he did not come back like the others do. Whirl: You're probably better off. Tara: *slides in l8 but w/o starbucks, is just gonna stand in the back of the room for a mo* B l u r r: My Prime was the best. The most capable. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave nods to Tarantulas.* Bevel: *nods vaguely and focuses back on Prowl before she gets distracted by horrible feelings* It looked really neat. I hope Bonecrusher does more work like it. If you do not mind modelling for it. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[He will not be Prime if he does come back.]] *Soundwave's made certain of that. But he won't say anything else. Touchy subject.* Whirl: *twists his head around like an owl, looks briefly at Tarantulas, and returns his attention to the screen. ...and Rumble, if he needs a claw up* FakeProwl: If it feels like that, I hope not to model again if I can avoid it. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Rumble's been chilling under the hammock, but now he'll take that claw.* Bevel: So you can feel stuff through an avatar? *general you but yeah* Whirl: *hoisted up like a claw machine; you are now Absolutely Safe from feline retribution* FakeProwl: Yes, yes. It takes an extra patch to be able to feel more than heavy pressure and no pressure. The avatar wasn't designed to work with that patch. FakeProwl: ... It's apparently good enough to be in a gallery. ItsyBitsySpyers: *If Whirl thinks that, he hasn't spent enough time around Ravage. But the sentiment's nice.* Whirl: *...hmm. He feels like he should... do something. Galcnes about. Raises a claw... then puts it down. Then raises again, uncertainly. Then turns the motion into scratching his head* Whirl: *Raises his claw again. Hesitates... and then, with very careful slowness, as slow as if he were trying to sneak up on a fly, rests that claw on Rumble. Just on him. Wherever it falls. Pap.* Whirl: *he's very bad at this* Bevel: That is really cool, Prowl. Tara: You're welcome for that patch, hyeh. *has come over to prowl now, touchtouch just to emphasize his point* FakeProwl: It is, yes. It's... very cool. Bevel: Oh! You did it? Awesome! ItsyBitsySpyers: *Rumble tries not to snort and just pats the arm that is, apparently, covering him sorta blanket-like because WHIRL IS WAY BIGGER THAN HIM* FakeProwl: *puts a hand over whatever paw is touching him.* Whirl: *VERY VERY MUCH SO* Tara: *to bevel* Only the patch, not whatever else it is you're speaking of. Tara: *puts another paw on top of hand on paw* ItsyBitsySpyers: =Primes.= Yawwwwn. Ravage is an aft. FakeProwl: *looks up at Tarantulas* Bonecrusher made an art piece out of a holomatter avatar. It's going to— it MIGHT be getting displayed in a gallery. Bevel: Just the patch. Avatars are neat. I want one someday. Bevel: *all the transformation power bwahaha* ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Why? You already shapeshift?]] Glance to Prowl. [[He was quite serious. The others will be planetside again within a month.]] Bevel: I could blend in more on Earth and go into places I am too big for! FakeProwl: ... Within a month. Hm. Whirl: Heh. Nice. ItsyBitsySpyers: //Oh, hey. He's all like that Matrix human.// Whirl: *nods* Pretty sick. ItsyBitsySpyers: =Why Earth.= Bevel: Lord of the Rings, duh! But other places that are too small would be cool too. *but mostly it's about that Tolkien stuff* FakeProwl: ((the screen's black ;;)) FakeProwl: ((oh there it is)) FakeProwl: ((what did they applaud at)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((i have no idea)) B l u r r: [[ idk i walked away ]] B l u r r: [[ i had to go burn my head ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((WHAT)) Tara: (( ????? speedy?? B l u r r: migraine. ]] Bevel: ((the screen was black here, maybe it was supposed to be vague like he is still performing magic? Whirl: ((SPEDDY...)) B l u r r: so i put hot water ]] B l u r r: [[ on my head ]] Whirl: ((GOTCHA. I'm sorry bout your head dude D: get thee some CAFFEINE)) B l u r r: [[ i caaan't ]] Bevel: ((oh that kinda burn Tara: (( dun scare us like that speedy B l u r r: IM SORRY. ]] B l u r r: [[ I forgot you guys don't know what I mean ]] B l u r r: [[ also, for an indie film that wasn't so bad ]] Whirl: ((ye i enjoyed it! edsp. main dude's performance, he was good)) B l u r r: yeee ]] Bevel: ((that was really excellent ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave stretches a little.* [[You hum. Why?]] Whirl: Not bad, Teach, not bad. B l u r r: ... Thanks. Bevel: That was cool. B l u r r: I've still got it. /smirks/ FakeProwl: Just thinking. Whirl: That you do. B l u r r: Well, thanks. B l u r r: I know I've got good picks. Whirl: Dunno how often I'm gonna be able to make these anymore. Depends on, y'know. Where I do or don't get stranded. *gradually lifts his claw, glancing questioningly to Rumble; he is Released from Prison* ItsyBitsySpyers: [[About?]] Whirl: And-or what ships do or don't hit me. B l u r r: / waves claw / Sometimes I don't really make my own. B l u r r: I've been rather busy mysekf. B l u r r: *myself. Bevel: Are you pirating now too? FakeProwl: *shakes head* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Rumble grunts. He was enjoying that, but he'll stretch and sit up, looking pretty pleased.* Whirl: ...was that for me or for Teach? Cos Teach is existing in a perpetual state of pirating right now. Bevel: You! Bevel: I know what Blurr is doing. Sometimes. ItsyBitsySpyers: *He'll take that as an "unimportant" or "not your business". Fair, given what he did to Bonecrusher. He'll just nod.* Whirl: Ah, gotcha. And, no. Law-abiding citizen, that's me. *drapes a claw over his chest* Just touring the galaxy. ItsyBitsySpyers: *NOW Rumble snorts.* Whirl: ...okay. Fine. *shoots Rumble an amused look* i don't have citizenship. B l u r r: No one ever knows what I'm doing. B l u r r: Except me. Whirl: ...and I have a really, tremendously huge bounty on my head right now, but honestly, that's SORT OF working in my favor, so... Tara: Are you quite sure YOU always know what you're doing, Blurr dear? B l u r r: ... /snort/ Nope. Whirl: I was about to say... B l u r r: No idea what I'm doing half the time. Bevel: I saw you walking down a hallway once. *that counts?* B l u r r: That's a mystery B l u r r: Don't even remember where I was going. Bevel: I have never checked if I have a bounty on my head. Maybe in other universes but I do not think so. Technically mercenaries are legal in most places and a totally valid part of warfare. *or something* ItsyBitsySpyers: [[...Now he is curious.]] They don't really have a parade of aliens who hate their guts on the same level as Whirl and Prowl's timelines do, but still. Whirl: You should. It's a hoot. You'd be surprised how long the collective galactic memory is, for creatures with such short lifespans. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Perhaps he should be grateful most of his work was of the hidden variety.]] FakeProwl: *... Now there's a question. Did Starscream put a bounty on Prowl's head? If so, Prowl's entitled to it. He turned himself in.* Whirl: Well, I'd also guess a lot of your work was against your own kind, right? Bevel: *he should check and collect* Whirl: Aliens tend to get... moody if you mess with THEM. Apparently. B l u r r: My bounty is high. /smirks/ Very high. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Yes. We did not destroy nearly as many organic planets as he is told your universes did.]] Whirl: Amazing, what we managed to accomplish in such a relatively short amount of time. ItsyBitsySpyers: //Like how high?// Whirl: And yeah, Teach--spill. B l u r r: Like very high. B l u r r: / pulls out datapad to search it / It's worth is in credits, though... B l u r r: not sure how that trades in currency Bevel: It depends on the universe. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[He wouldn't know.]] Whirl: Last time I checked--and this is what a dog told me--I'm sitting around five million galactic standard Whirl: But SOMEONE told me I was worth more dead--which seems like a lie, usually it's worth more to bring someone in alive. Whirl: But I did... sort of make a big Oops. Recently. B l u r r: Wh? B l u r r: *Eh? Whirl: Before I came here and met all of you guys, I mean. ItsyBitsySpyers: //Whadja do?// Whirl: Apparently, assassinated a beloved politician. Whirl: Well, okay, I know he's DEAD but I didn't know he was important. FakeProwl: ... WHICH beloved politician. Whirl: ...I thought you knew. Whirl: *peers* Not important. He's very dead. ItsyBitsySpyers: //Ain't Ratbat, is it?// Whirl: No, no. Not one of ours. FakeProwl: No, he said beloved. Whirl: *snrks* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave trembles with the strain of holding back a laugh; Rumble explodes with one for him.* FakeProwl: Would it be the beloved politician I spent the last four thousand years courting an alliance with before he was unexpectly killed by a "wandering, malfunctioning cyclops" on Hedonia? Is it that one? Whirl: *shrugs* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Drama and gossip senses tingling. Soundwave stops trembling to listen.* Whirl: I mean, doesn't SOUND like me. I'm functioning perfectly normally, after all. Bevel: *giggles into her hand* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Rumble offers the Boss a listening snack. He waves it away.* FakeProwl: I THINK they were referring to the fact that said cyclops wandered out of a bar, MURDERED someone, and wandered back in. Whirl: Hmm... also doesn't sound like me. When have you ever heard of me ever WILLINGLY leaving a bar? FakeProwl: Four thousand years! I was on a reduced fraction basis with half of his preferred gestalts! All wasted! Whirl: Man. Yeah, that sounds frustrating. Hope you catch the guy. Bevel: *welp now seems like a good time to leave huh* FakeProwl: You—! FakeProwl: .... RRGH! *shoves his face in his hands. FOUR THOUSAND YEARS. FOUR THOUSAND.* FakeProwl: *FOUR THOUSAND YEARS OF /SOCIALIZING/.* Whirl: *tilts his head. The Most Innocent Face* Bevel: *wave to SW and co. bye!* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave just. Gently pats his shoulder. What the hell else do you do other than a There, There to something like that? ANd a nod to Bevel.* B l u r r: [[ welp, i gotta open so yall have fun! ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((byeeeee)) FakeProwl: ((gnight~ sleep well)) Tara: (( i gotta peace out too, night guys <3 B l u r r: / waves claw and just tells people not to break stuff / Whirl: ((GNIGHT)) Whirl: Seeya, Teach! FakeProwl: *grabs soundwave's knee for stability. soundwave. four thousand years.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Oh, there we go. He'll cover the hand with his other hand. He knows. Not this specific thing, but many things like it, and enough to know that four thousand years of socialization is awful.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Rumble pings Whirl.* @W: //Okay but how'd ya do it?// Whirl: @R: I just shot him. Didn't seem to see it coming. ItsyBitsySpyers: @W: //Psh. Swear to Primus politicians don't never go down tough.// Whirl: *nods* @R: Too pampered, most of them. Whirl: All right! I can sense our good pal Prowl needs... a moment, he seems kinda verklempt. So I'm out. Whirl: Catch you guys later--probably at Dancitron. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Very well. Consider bringing some tinsel.]] ItsyBitsySpyers: *Rumble squints at Prowl. He doesn't look very clamped at all.* Whirl: *nods* I'll see what I can scare up. *going to carefully extricate himself so Rumble doesn't get dumped out--and nudge him one last time, in thanks. He tried* FakeProwl: *he's extremely clamped* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Bops Whirl goodnight and grins. Seeya Monday.* Whirl: *and with a final bob good-night, he is gone* ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Would you prefer company while you process this data or should he return you to the Constructicons?]] FakeProwl: ... Mrgh. Doesn't make a difference. *he's moving through the stages of grief. he's already hopped from Anger straight to Depression.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *...He will try not to be insulted by that somehow.* ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Come with him, then. He will distract you with details of his last project.]] FakeProwl: *will soundwave's presence or lack thereof bring Imperius Drax back from the dead?* FakeProwl: ... Sure. ItsyBitsySpyers: *...Well, he got several minicons back...* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Anyway, it's the best he's got as far as comfort goes. He'll nod and withdraw his hand so he can leave the ship and go back home. Prowl's welcome to follow or not as he wants.* FakeProwl: *he waits for Soundwave to leave, then flickers out to go join him.*

#chat

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seonnho · 7 years

Note

Your thoughts on the official members of Wanna One?

first off their group name makes me sknfdjksknjds but what can we do !!

daniel - i’m quite neutral towards him, i think he’s a great dude and talented but i’m not gonna scream over him or anything. was a bit miffed at emoji gate and how after open up won some of his fans were like…. super happy over the fact that he still won in the end…lowkey glorifying cheating…uh ok….also got kinda tired of mnet milking the lil woojin/daniel relationship when they kept showing daniel’s reactions to everything single thing woojin did but that’s not his fault at all and CONGRATS ON FIRST PLACE FOR HIM !! …..just very neutral i’m not over the moon or anything

jihoon - also very neutral…i watched the nayana performance when it first came out and i had a very adverse reaction to his wink oOPS so i was kinda like wut. @ his popularity. he can dance !!! not too sure about his singing/rapping since all that comes to mind is that blasted high note in boy in luv. he’s reeeeally cute but again i’m not gonna scream over him i’m so jealous of his eye shape? it’s so pretty and his jeojang makes me laugh and he’s a smart kid!! like wearing neon shoelaces so ppl can spot him better and all that stuff

daehwi - i rlly liked daehwi’s energy in his intro vids (THE BOX AHHH) cause he seemed so confident and stuff but i have to admit i got pretty pissed at the whole avengers thing, i know he got evil edited and it’s a competition so of course you’d want to win but i just didn’t like how everyone targeted the team with F’s and D’s :/ that was everyone’s mentality tho so not his fault !! i’m over that though and i’m glad he made it !!! he’s a rlly fast learner and his dancing is so good!! and singing too and that english pronunciation !!! his friendship with somi is so wonderful too

jaehwan - vocal god kim jaehwan !!! i like him a lot and i’m shocked he ranked 4th but he deserves it !!!! i’m really happy that he got to debut with minhyun but i’m sad about sewoon :^(( their relationship is so nice and he’s rlly quirky and i his psychopathic laughter skjfkndknjsd. i think he’s a much needed addition to the group vocally…he works rlly hard at dance too and he pulled off sorry sorry and never rlly well….OFFICIAL GOAT OF THE SHOW THAT LETTUCE GIF I’M CRYING

seongwoo - ong deserves it !!!!! what else can i say LOL i’m rlly happy he gets to debut !! he dances well and doesn’t he like….rank real high with male fans WHICH IS !!!!! also super funny sdfgnkds pLS i look forward to seeing more of him and i rlly like his stage presence !!

woojin - my dude……he went from like 75th place to 6th i’m banging pots n pans outside my house rn i thought he was rlly good looking (wHEW) during the audition and i liked his rapping? SO HE WAS ON MY RADAR SINCE THEN and that center performance !!!!! sealed the deal i rlly like his rapping voice and dancing and he’s so cute fdnkjskdnfjs also his dark past i’m screaming i hope that side of him comes out more !!! he performed never with shingles i’m just……..u deserve everything woojin….aLSO SNAGGLETOOTH….ALL I’M GONNA SAY..

guanlin - i love swaggy rapper guanlin a lot and when his gummy smile comes out i’m just like awWWW !!! tbh cube trainees were so precious and endearing? u can make the argument that he’s not talented, only 6 months of training but i just really enjoyed seeing his growth throughout the show. i was scared bc he seemed to have given up during practice for nayana when he was in D class but i think everything turned out ok! he surprised me when he made so many suggestions for the fear performance with the rest of the team i was like !!! yeah! go guanlin!!! and i think he could use some work on enunciation during rapping, esp english (when boa pointed that out i was like :O me too) he’s a curious kid and willing to learn i think that’s one of his really good qualities and also his drop to 20th sdknkfjskndjs i was like hey…..if ur gonna keep him in the top 11 for the majority of the show LET HIM STAY THERE TF…i love guanlin i’m glad he made it :’)

jisung - i’m glad jisung made it !!! when i heard the ranking announcement i was like hey!! u made it !!! CONGRATS!!!!!!!!! and when his dad did the circle clap thing i drowned in my tears but i’m looking forward to seeing him on variety shows!! his singing is also rlly nice and maybe he has the best chance of being leader? i’m glad he made it.

minhyun - uM THE ENTIRE REASON I WATCHED THIS SHITFEST WAS FOR NU’EST AND MINHYUN IS MY BIAS AND WHEN HE MADE IT I STARTED BAWLING IT WAS NOT OK my mentality was i’d be happy if minhyun and jonghyun made it but that….did not….happen fuckgnfjdsfdks he looked so sad when everything ended idek what to think but !!! i’ll be supporting him wholeheartedly during his time with wanna one. he has a rlly good eye? he formed the iconic justice league and basically predicted the exact order of the never team n his voice is so soft n nice and i think god blessed him with long legs and good physique anyways i love minhyun a lot i hope i get to see him happy again

jinyoung - uh…………….being very honest here not one of my choices for top 11 so i wasn’t cheering when 10th place was announced :’(( i don’t hate him and every trainee has worked hard but….ok he gained confidence throughout the show!!! that’s real good to hear but i do not like his singing? sounds more like screaming to me idk why the vocal trainers were praising him sjkdkfnds it’s not like i’m qualified to analyze singing but i’m not a big fan of it…..at this point u can prob tell i have something against previous avenger team members…can’t exactly pinpoint what…i guess i don’t get the hype around them/their looks but i will try to warm up to him!! he also bit jihoon tf and his friendship with daehwi is so pure

sungwoon - i like sungwoon!! i had this dream about him n it was horror related and very gruesome and just ???? why tf but after that i was like ok….ha sungwoon…..ok……i see u…..i felt bad for him getting kicked out of never when he did the dance perfectly PLUS HE CAN SING and pure cinnamon roll !!! i don’t have much to say LOL i’m not mad over him being 11th it’s just at that point i was devastated over jonghyun’s rank so i basically tuned out most of top 2 and 11th place reveals :///

THIS IS SO LONG LOL i’m still sad about jonghyun and samuel and i was rlly hoping seonho and hyungseob could make it but THIS IS REALITY AND I’M GOING TO ACCEPT IT AND SUPPORT THEM

#i hope i was respectful to an extent....#not putting this under a read more bc i want ppl to actually read it #sorry if i came off as a jinyoung anti I'M NOT I'M GOING TO TRY MY BEST TO WARM UP TO THE MEMBERS I'M NEUTRAL ABOUT #and i'm honestly very happy about the majority of the line up

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napalmmanexe · 6 years

Text

Fits of Random 9.5

Narrator: Another day. Another cold wintery day. Another cold, wintery, lousy, gloomy, overcast, yucky, poopy....

Matt: ( In his room, lying on his bed with his laptop ) We get it! >3 Today's weather stinks! ( Playing a game ) I gotta do something else....( Starts watching an abridged anime, stops part way ) I don't wanna do that either...( Opens his BIOS coding program ).....I can't concentrate. Why can't I do something productive?? XC ( Flailing his arms )

Rahbie: ( Walks into Matt's room ) A lot of people have been restless. ^_^; The weather keeps everyone indoors, so people are getting bored easily.

Matt: I don't feel like doing....Anything. 8C Nothing at all.

Rahbie: Well, there's one thing...:3 ( Giving him a sly grin, posing lewdly )

Matt: Its not that I don't appreciate the offer, but I'm not doing that kind of content anymore.

Rahbie: But our love making is always so good. <83

Matt: It is, but not every written or drawn piece that tells a story has to have sex in it in order to be good. I want to focus on work that draws people in for adventure, drama, and humor.

Rahbie: Oh good for you master. ^_^ ( Sitting with him ) You think people will go for it?

Matt: I'm not feeding the internet its junk food anymore. I make good quality work as best as I can. |3

Rahbie: Funny, the way you talk; it sounds as if you expect someone to hear it. ^-^

Matt: Very very true. ^-^

Matt and Rahbie: ( Both of them staring at whoever reads this ) PG only folks. :3

( The scene changes to the title screen with Neko fairies swarming all over it )

Neko Fairies: Nyaaaaaaaaaaaaa! 83c ( Covering the opening scene with confetti and silly faces drawn with crayon )

( A static scene change shows Shift training in the household dojo, practicing his Metamorph skill set )

Shift: Shape Shift!! ( Trying to think of something )

Azure: ( Behind Shift, whispering ) A Life Sized Glow in Dark Teddy Bear! :3

Shift: A Life Sized Glow In the Dark Teddy Bear...wut? |3 ( Changes into the exact thing ) Whhhhuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaat? <83 OOoffff!!!

Azure: ( Tackle hugs Shift at full speed ) Nyeeeoooooooooooooh! X3c

Shift: Oh bother....<:3 ( Getting adorably huggled by Azure )

( Scene changes to....Scene changes to...?? )

Narrator: Where's the next skit?

Matt: Next skit? /3

Rahbie: Master don't we have something for the next scene? <:3

Matt: ( Back to being dispondent and playing a video game ) Don't ask me, I don't know. |3

Napalm: ( Still in the form of a life sized glow in the dark teddy bear ) Buddy, what happened to that schedule from the previous episode?

Azure: ( Huggling Napalm, clinging to his back. Nuzzling and purring ) Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. X3c

Matt: Schedule? ( Trying to think )

Rahbie: Master you promised...( Showing him video footage of the last Fits of Random )

Matt: Oh yeah...that....( Looking at them with a blank stare ) ....( Goes back to his game )

Rahbie: Alright you've left us little choice, master. ( Sounding stern )

Matt: Do any of you work my job?

Napalm and Rahbie: ...No? O_o

Matt: Good, matter settled. That job has done nothing but bring grief, stress, and it eats a person's soul from the inside. If I could I'd flatten the place....

Napalm: Robot Masters already tried that.

Matt: What? ( Blinking, somewhat surprised )

Azure: Nyan, because its fourth wall related all that happened was... :3

( The sound of humorous piano key banging signaled a cutaway scene with Bass and the other Robot Masters standing on a ship on the east coast of the States )

GutsMan: Throw a Rock at it!! ( Stomps his foot and gets a random boulder. Tossing it at the shore )

Boulder: ( Reaches the shore line and vanishes with a poof-fart effect ) Frrtt!~

GutsMan: Well....shucks!

( The scene ends with the piano banging effect played in reverse )

Napalm: What we're getting at is your job is turning into a bad excuse and the video games are turning into a distraction.

Matt: And what're you all gonna do? F3 Hijack the episode? ( Turns his head. Within seconds gets jumped on ) Gah! What the heck?? D:

Mayreen: ( In a tight fitting police girl outfit ) Keep your arms and legs spread out where I can see them. Anything you say will be used against you by the cord of this game controller. >3

Matt: Kitten this is unecessarriiiiiiiiie where are we going? <83 ( Being carried off, hands held together by zip ties. Flung over Mayreen's shoulder )

Mayreen: To Adventure! >83

Azure: And a half decent plot. :3 Cue the goofy cutaway effects!

( The scene changes to the group standing at the entrence of the Alpha ruins where all the aggressive monsters and things spawned from )

Matt: A treasure dig against the island's baddies?

Napalm: Nope, we're inspecting a thing. ( Now back to normal ) Someone turned something loose and its been stealing trinkets from the citizens.

Azure: And we know who it is. :3

Matt: Not much of an inspection if we already know who the perp is. |3

Mayreen: We needed your mental powers to get answers from the perps. Trust me you'll know why when you see them. ^-^

Matt: ( Watches as Napalm pulls out Saya and Sheath. The two top agents from Ouma. Both of them hand cuffed ) Yep I see why you need me. O_o

Sheath: Is bright boy desu. :3

Saya: You want to know what we turned loose? ^-^ ( Calmly smiling ) We'll never tell.

Sheath: The lips of bunny desu are of sealed and shut. :3

Matt: Ya don't say? XD ( Placing a hand on each of their heads, starts getting into their memories )

( All Matt saw in Saya's head was a blank fog. Sheath's was a jumble of awful American and Japanese words, with every other second a desu went off with a chibi form of Sheath running around carefree and acting adorable and hilarious. )

Matt: That....didn't get us far guys and gals. O_o

Rahbie: But that always works. D:

Matt: Saya is so deeply Zenned I can't get through. Sheath is a coloring book of botched American and Japanese words. o_o

Saya: Hmmmhmhmhm. ^-^ You will have to get us to talk another way. ;3

Sheath: Hmmhmmhmhmhmm desu desu. ;3

Matt:....I said I'm keeping it PG. >3 And I'm sticking by it.

Saya: Well I...( Looks behind her ) Excuse me but where are my weapons? ^-^

Sheath: Sheath's banger and slicer desu is also of not being the here. :3

Napalm: ( Looks where he put their gear ) I could have sworn I put them right here. O_o ( Sees the shadow of something big, with feathers, and had Saya and Sheath's weapons in its beak )

Mayreen: Its....a huge crow....o_o

Saya: Oh....Oh my thats our little project we turned loose. ^-^

Matt: You freed a giant crow to do what with it? F3

Sheath: Fun and giggles. :3 And is not a corn field crow of crowing.

???: ( Lets out a terrible scream ) SkEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiich!!!

Mayreen and Azure: Nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa our ears!!! <XC

Napalm: What? I can't hear! >3 ( Both ears bleeding )

Matt: That....is ....not a crow. O_O

Saya: Its a Shrieker. ^-^

Rahbie: The same Shrieker that terrorizes towns and steals shiny things and is super dangerous to take on? O_o

Sheath: ( Nodding her head yes, making a rattling noise ) Yup yup yup yup. ^w^

Saya: You see, there is a place hidden deep. I'd say...at least 20 levels down. Its a gateway to madness and the creepiest creatures you ever saw. I even had to leave because the madness was just a bit too much. ^-^

Sheath: Sheath was hearing bad voices desu. <:3

Matt: Well....who's up for a tough boss fight? >3

Napalm, Rahbie, Mayreen, and Azure: You bet! >83

Saya: We can tell you where its nesting....if you turn us loose. ^-^

Napalm: On a tree near the Tree of Life in Mon Bush? XD

Saya:.....Why yes. ^-^ But there's still one thing we know and we won't tell you unless you let us go.

Matt: Hits like a truck, cries do damage to people's sanity, doesn't stay long once aggravated? XD

Saya: Now you're just taking the fun out of it. <:3 ( Pouting )

Sheath: Oh but the other thing....:3

Saya: Sheath, shush. ^-^

Matt: What other thing? O_o ( Looking at Sheath )

Sheath: Desu thing. Saya do remembering? :3

Saya: Sheath I'm going to punish you if you bring it up again. ^-^

Sheath: No! <83 Desu Saya said to be having Desu Sheath remind desu!

Mayreen: Yes Sheath, what is the thing? ^-^

Sheath: No telling non desu's! >3 Oh shoot! <83 Sheath wasn't being whispery much.

Saya: I'm going really teach you a lesson later, Sheath.....

Sheath: But hurts and ouchies....<:3

Saya: Say one more word and your behind will be so red it will glow in the dark. Now, shut it. ^-^

Rahbie: Now thats just mean. |3

Saya: You don't run my rail road darling. ^-^

Napalm: I got an idea....how about we string Saya up with a bunch of trinkets and when the Shrieker comes by it'll pick her apart?

Saya:....I wouldn't. ^-^

Matt: No no we can punish them both later for their antics. We have a Shrieker to hunt and some kind of thing to deal with....right Sheath? :3

Sheath:...No punish....be nice desu? <:3

Narrator: Back at the Boarding House where our heroes threw on their gear and happily skipped tralala to the Shrieker's nest!~

Shift: Dude are you on something? |3

Narrator: Who me? Noooooo of course not! ( Whispering to someone ) Behind my booth, tonight. I'm low and I....

Shift: ( Glaring at the Narrator ) >3

Narrator: Crap they can hear me!! ( Footsteps heard running out of the booth and down a bunch of stairs )

Shift: I'll deal with him later. ( Flying along on his energy disc while Rahbie provided a magic carpet for Matt, Mayreen, Saya, and Sheath )

Saya: Darlings, why are we going along?

Mayreen: You turned that creepy thing loose, you're helping us take it out.

Sheath: Desu bird likes dodge. :3

Rahbie: ....Honey you need to work on your English. That made no sense. <_<

Sheath: Dodgy dodgy desu. :3 Sheath telling the important stuff! <:3

Matt: She means its very agile so landing a hit on it might prove challenging. ( Looks ahead ) There's the nest and the bird is home. Everyone ready?

Saya: ( She and Sheath having some spare weapons from the house armory ) Not my favorite gear but it will do. ^-^

Mayreen: ( Also has her merc armor on ) I'm ready Matty. ^w^

Rahbie: I'll provide support if anything goes wrong. ^-^

Myffle: ( On Shift's right shoulder ) And I'll do my usual cute neko fairy stuff! :3c

Shift: Good girl ! :D Lets go! >3

French Narrator: Zey all landed on a large branch nearest zee nest.

Sheath: Desu Narrator of Sponges and Bobs? /:3

French Narrator: First one got busted for zee drugs. I am how you say, one out of many.

Saya: That booth must be busy. ^-^

Shrieker: Skeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! ( Landing in front of the nest )

Rahbie: That's way too many eyes for a bird! <8C

Matt: There's all the trinkets in the nest! ( Pointing )

Mayreen: And a lot of dead bodies too. <:3

Shift: Hit it and hit it hard! >3 ( Summons his lazer light bo staff, running at top speed, swinging and missing ) Someone follow up! >3

Mayreen: I got it! >3 ( Throwing six flash bangs from under her trench coat )

Shrieker: SKiIIIiiiiieeeeee??!! ( Wings flailing and flapping )

Matt: ( Using pure BIOS energy to grab and strike at the bird ) Man this thing has got some muscle on it! >3

Shift, Saya, Sheath: ( All of them slashing and stabbing it ) Hyaaaaaaaaah! >3

Mayreen: ( Shooting at the bird's head when she got a clean shot, using her sniper rifle ) Grrrrrr, this isn't doing enough damage! >3

Rahbie: Watch out!! D: ( Watching the Shrieker puff up )

Shrieker: Skaaaaaaaaaaw skaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw skaaaaaaaaaaw!!

Matt, Shift, Mayreen, Rahbie, Saya, Sheath, Myffle: ( All of them holding their ears in pain ) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrgghh!! XC

Shrieker: ( Lifting off and performs a dive at the group, its super sharp beak gleaming as it rocketed at them )

Shift: S-shape Shift....!! ( Trying to concentrate )

Azure: ( Suddenly shows up ) Hai sorry got distracted by candy! <:3 Nyan thats a big bird. And its headed for my Nappy?! >3 ( Using her Speed Skill Set to get near the shrieker and grabbing its beak with her claws ) You're going THIS way! >83 ( Using leverage and speed to force the Shrieker off its path and into a thick branch of the tree )

Shift: Azure, where have you been?? D:

Myffle: I smell candy. :3

Azure: Sorry hope I didn't miss too much. <:3c

Shift: Honey your timing is perfect. :D Now...lets hit this sucker with something....splodey. >:)

Mayreen: I second that idea! >:3 ( Tossing some C4 on the Shrieker's bum )

Shift: Shape Shift Crash Man! ( Changes to the robot master Crash Man, fires numerous Crash Bombs, latching onto the birds bum )

Saya and Sheath: ( Quickly tying grenades to the monster's feathers ) Count us in. :D

Matt: ( Pulls out his Modded 3DS, summons a rocket launcher ) Everyone clear!

French Narrator: Meanwhile.~

Nappa: ( At the boarding house, has a camera recording Vegeta stacking a sizable card castle ) Aaaaaalmost done, Vegeta.

Vegeta: Shush. Even the smallest noises will undo this priceless piece of work...ever so....carefully...quietly... ( Places the last card ) Finally. Hah, who said I couldn't do something artsie and peaceful!

SFX: Fragaboomff!

Nappa: Did something explode, Vegeta? ( Looks from behind the camera ) Vegetaaaaaa?

Vegeta: ( Under a huge mound of scattered cards ) Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff....Fudge Pops!!! Gah when did we go PG??

French Narrator: Back to ze tree.~

Matt: ( He and the others covered in Shrieker feathers ) Didn't think that would happen....O_o

Mayreen: Ptooey! >3p ( Spitting out some feathers ) Bleh, no idea where that thing's been. >XC

Saya and Sheath: ( Yanking their weapons out of the Shrieker's nest ) There we go. ^-^

Rahbie: ( Using her magic to clean everyone off ) Alright, everyone's safe and uninjured?

Saya: Hmmmm I suppose there is one little, tiny detail I should share with since you allowed Sheath and myself to tag along this far. ^-^

Shift:....What did you do? F3

Sheath: Crazydoor of mad stuff. <:3 Desu me and Saya desu might have left open for things to very many much walk out?

Matt: You loosed a bunch of more of that unholy nonsense into the Alpha Ruins?? >3

Saya: In so many words, yes. ^-^

Mayreen and Azure: Why...? <:3

Saya:...Hmmmm call it curiosity. ^-^

Sheath: Definitely not cursed blood-orb thingy for Ouma. :3 Never that.

Matt: ....Saya...Sheath....come here. |3

Saya: I know that tone and no we will not. ^-^

Matt: Come here. |3 ( Walking toward them )

Sheath: Scary face. <:3

Mayreen: Oh dear. <:3

Rahbie: He's gonna give them an earful. <:3

French Narrator: 15 minutes later.~

Matt: Now you're gonna come with us, and fix this mess. Is that understood? >3

Saya: ( Rubbing her behind ) Ow...Oh dear...Mm yes, understood. ^-^;

Sheath: Owie....<:'3 ( Crying a little ) Okay will help desu.

Shift: Alright, lets bust up this nest and return the trinkets.

French Narrator: Later, back at ze boarding house.

???: I'm not crazy, you're crazy!! D8

Matt: ( Standing at the front porch of the boarding house ) The heck is this? <:3

Myffle: ( Pops up in the front of the scene ) More to come in the next episode! :3 Stuff happens, hilarity will ensue! Stay tuned!

#short story #fan fiction #humor #neko fairies #gemstone warrior #genie girl #cat girls #project x zone 2 #saya #Sheath #desu #Darkest Dungeon #Shrieker

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