#it’s probably better for me that I don’t have insane Kieran friends

[overbearingstruggles]

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[blue-eyed-korra]

Lauren and Kieran’s Relationship: Action not Words

*Mini rant before the actual post:

So apparently someone shared my post about Kieran to the Purple Hyacinth group on Band (shoutout to @lanxyuu​​ for showing me this) and a bunch of people there liked it including Sophism herself which is crazy because this comic has become my life??? And the work she and Eph do is amazing??? And she said she liked my brain!?!?!? AHHHHHHH- sorry I’m still shook but I honestly can’t believe that she actually liked my work just... AHHHHHHHH!

*Mini rant ended here*

Anyways, seeing as how I’m currently a broke, unemployed, soon-to-be-grad student under quarantine, I have no coins to fastpass the last episodes of PH. Believe me it is the greatest tragedy of my life. But I still wanna write more about PH so what should I do? Well I decided to write about how we can learn more about Lauren and Kieran’s relationship through their non-verbal interactions. By looking at how they act around each other rather than just what they say, we can get a better sense for what their relationship was like before episode 43, and where it may go from there. Now I’m not gonna talk about every single time they interact with each other because some are irrelevant, it would take way too long to write and this post would become even more of a mess than it already is. 

Now you might be thinking this is just an excuse to discuss one of my favourite ships because their relationship in the comic isn’t the greatest rn and I don’t want to/can’t accept that they may not get together (in the foreseeable future), and you’d be right. Let me have this. 

Ok so the first scene I wanna talk about is the very first physical interaction they have where they’re not actively attacking/trying to kill each other. I’m talking of course about when they make the deal to work together in episode 11.

What I like about this is that it’s both impersonal and intimate, because they’re both doing this for their own reasons and they both see the other as a means to an end, but it’s also a blood pact. Kieran cuts his hand and offers it to her, and Lauren accepts in kind. They’re becoming bound to each other, but all in the common interest to take down the Leader.

The same can also be said for when they go dancing; it’s just an act. A way to blend in and find Anslow. They tango and banter and get all close and we all lived for it (hell I’m still living for it), because it’s hot and the sexual tension is insane but to them it’s just apart of the operation and doesn’t really mean anything. Like when she later seduces Anslow to get him alone. It’s all a part of the plan

I’d say the moment we see the biggest shift is after the whole Blakelsey situation. They’re back at the cave and Lauren is pretty shook because not only did Kieran save her life, but he showed her that he really does try to avoid killing when given the choice. So when she sees he’s injured and struggling with his bandages, she goes to help him.

Sidenote: This is completely unrelated to anything in this post but I just wanted to say that I never realised how attractive a back could be until I saw Kieran’s so thank you Soph for giving this to us🙏🏻

You can see this is part of her way of thanking him for saving her before she actually tells him. You can see that she’s beginning to reevaluate the idea of him that she has in her head, because his actions that night contradict everything she assumed about him. This is the moment she begins to see his humanity. And he’s pretty shocked too because he’s accustomed to doing everything alone and her of all people offering her help and thanks is wild to him, but more about how Kieran feels later.

Things change the most for Lauren after the whole Grim Goblin incident. She’s jumped out of a hotel window, into a tree and fell several storeys to the ground. Kieran finds her injured and trying to play it off as nothing because 1) She’s a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man, and 2) Because she’d rather not get the help of this man in particular. But he calls bullshit and scoops her up bridal style. Again, she’s shook because the Purple Hyacinth is carrying her bridal style, but it wears off quickly and she begins struggling out of his grip. The piggyback is clearly a compromise where he can still carry her but it’s less intimate and, dare I say, ‘damsel-like’ than before. I also think Lauren was ok with the piggyback because it made her taller than Kieran and therefore more in control lol.

Then they get to his apartment and she one again tries to brush off her injuries but the the turn tables and Kieran is the one helping patch her up. He picks her up, puts her on the table and rips her sleeve off to get a better look at her cut.

One thing I wanna point out is her reaction to him being so close.

She’s clenching her fist on the edge of the table because he is way into her personal space. You can practically feel his breath on her neck. He’s being very clinical about everything and probably can’t feel her discomfort, but we as readers can feel just how uncomfortable and anxious she is. This man just carried her to his home and is checking her wounds and is gonna patch her up and it’s breaking every preconceived notion she had of him in her head. He’s not some murderous monster *wink wink* whose sole purpose is to spread misery and pain. He’s just a man who lives in an apartment and likes to read and draw and eats and breaths just like any other person. Logically, she knows that he’s a human, but actually seeing it is another thing entirely. And her realizing this now only makes everything that goes down in episode 43 hurt that much more.

I realize that most of this word vomit essay is about how Lauren feels, but what about Kieran? What can we lean about how he feels about Lauren? Well, that’s gonna be a bit trickier. For one thing, Lauren is the main character, therefore we spend way more time in head than his by a long shot. We know less about his motivations and personality than we do about hers. All of this contributes to the mystery that is Kieran White. But there are moments we can learn things about him, especially when his true feelings shine through.

One thing that demonstrates this a lot is when Lauren surprises him. There are times when Lauren says or does something and for just a second, it throws Kieran off and has him really think about the mystery that is Lauren Sinclair.

We see this happen a few times: First when they’re preparing to go get Anslow and he sees her disguise and the gun strapped to her thigh, Next when she’s thanking him for saving her life and finally when he sees her the morning after she sleeps over.

With the first one he’s more pleasantly surprised than anything, seeing officer goodie-twoshoes being this resourceful and sneaky. He expected her to be more of a straight-lace killjoy, but now he’s seeing more of her ‘bad girl’ side and it’s interesting.

He’s more shocked than surprised when she thanks him for saving her. Like I said before, he’s an assassin. When do you think the last time he was thanked for saving a life rather than taking one? Probably never honestly. And now this woman, who he knows doesn’t like him very much, is helping him with his bandages and offering him gratitude and he’s kind of in awe of it all. Of course we see him try to brush it off by being a jackass (and we love him for it) but still, I see you Kieran👀.

I think the final scene is the most interesting tho. Because he comes back from getting her stuff at the cave and just sees her standing there. She doesn’t do anything or say anything out of the ordinary. She’s just standing there... in one of his shirts and basically nothing else... in his apartment... the morning after sleeping in his bed. 

He was confused as to why he brought her there the night before and he’s never brought anyone to his home before, so I think seeing her like this, all casual in his space despite everything, is really driving home just how close they’ve become and how he hasn’t had anything remotely close to a friend or companion or whatever they are in years.

But once again, this was all before episode 43, which still hurts my soul. I know things are gonna be different after everything, but I hope that Lauren and Kieran are able to express themselves more with each other as the story continues.

So yeah, this is a mess. If you’ve made it this far, congrats! Now this post was more of a labour of love than I initially thought because it took literally a whole day to write and then got deleted the next day! So this is the rewrite. Lowkey happy it got deleted because this is far less rambling than before. Take a moment to let that sink in. As I’m writing this episode 48 is only a couple hours from being made free for everyone. Watch me come back on here and post another essay about it lol. Looking forward to doing more of these though! Thanks for all the feedback and remember to send the creators some love!

[faewhump]

Unseelie Pet: 1. Prologue

While involuntarily attending a ball at the Unseelie Court the human Alex meets Lord Malachi. Charmed by the beautiful and alluring Fae, Alex only realises his true intentions when it’s already way too late...

Masterlist Next

Warnings for this part: mentions of torture, drugging (faerie food)

The moment the Unseelie Fae smiled at him across the room Alex knew he that was in deep, deep trouble. Of course he’d been in trouble before already, it was impossible to deny that with the lesser faerie that cornered him, but in truth it had started even before he’d come to the Unseelie Court. After how horrible his experiences with the Unseelie Lord Rían had been, he’d sworn himself to never seek out the fair folk ever again and to just stay out of the woods all together for good measure. Following his escape from the Court, he had tried his best to stay hidden, and for about ten years the faerie world seemed to have forgotten about him. But of course it hadn’t stayed this way.

About a week ago an old acquaintance of his had delivered a message from the Seelie Court which they served, offering him a favour in exchange of his services as a spy at the upcoming equinox festivities at one of the Unseelie Courts. Apparently, they had feared that any faerie spy of theirs would be detected immediately, and so they needed a human who already knew their way around and therefore wouldn’t attract attention. Of course Alex had declined, no favour they offered was big enough to make him consider ever setting a foot near such a place again, but eventually the thinly veiled threats against his family and friends had convinced him.

Despite how jarring it was to be surrounded by faeries again, at first everything seemed to be going well. He had snuck into the beautiful palace without any problems, and due to his purposeful walk all faeries simply assumed that he was nothing but a servant running an errand for his master and paid him no mind. He had successfully infiltrated the main ballroom, where he inconspicuously listened in on the conversations around, trying to find out where and when an attack on the Seelie Court was supposed to take place – in case such a plan even existed. Everything had been going so well, he had even managed not to think too much of the human pets some of the faeries held by their sides, but of course it couldn’t have been that easy.

No, the part where this awful experience had truly deteriorated was when Darerca recognised him. The lesser faerie had been one of Rían’s vassals and was quite intrigued to see her Lord’s escaped human sneaking around at this Court, promptly deciding to confront him - and so Alex had suddenly found himself cornered by one of the faces that still haunted his nightmares. He’d tried his best to bargain with her, but Darerca seemed quite set in her objective to punish him for his escape by torturing him to death. The faeries that had overheard their exchange curiously turned towards them, excited for the prospects of a promising entertainment. That was when the Unseelie Fae joined them.

“Excuse me,” he said, elegantly sliding up to Alex as the surrounding faeries moved out of his way. The man’s immaculate glamour clearly marked him as High Fae, not a single of the many faerie traits he surely possessed showed, making him look almost perfectly human.

“Lord Malachi,” Darerca said, standing up a little straighter.

“Darerca,” Malachi greeted, his cultured voice and easy smile sending shivers over Alex’s back. “What is going on here?”

“Nothing,” Darerca replied a bit to quickly. “This human belongs to Lord Rían, so I wanted to have some fun with it, give everyone a show.”

“I don’t belong to anyone!” Alex protested. He immediately regretted his outbreak when the High Fae’s dark eyes turned on him, the intensity of their gaze almost palpable on Alex’s skin.

“Hmm, it seems to disagree,” Malachi remarked, and Alex bristled at being referred to as an ‘it’. “Besides, Rían has been gone for a decade now, so any claim of ownership he might have had doesn’t hold much weight if he isn’t here to defend it.”

Darerca looked like she wanted to object but didn’t dare to disagree with Malachi. All the faeries that had waited excitedly for Alex to get tortured had dispersed again, clearly afraid to get involved in the argument. Alex swallowed, this Lord Malachi must be a very, very powerful and high-ranking Fae to evoke such strong respect.

“Come with me, human,” Malachi said in a tone that brooked no resistance and turned to leave.

“No!” Darerca called and stepped forward to block Alex’s way.

Malachi turned back slowly. “Is there a problem, Darerca?” he asked and raised a perfect eyebrow.

“Of course not, Lord Malachi,” Darerca pressed out, grinding her teeth in anger, but didn’t move again when Alex walked around her to follow the High Fae.

Throwing a nervous look back at Darerca Alex quickly followed Malachi through the ballroom, faeries moving out of the Fae Lord’s way respectfully, and on along the entwined corridors of the palace. Alex’s stomach churned with nervosity, although Malachi had saved his life he knew better than to assume that his intentions were good. For all he knew, the Fae Lord simply wanted to torture him in private instead of allowing Darerca to do it in public, but he couldn’t stop the quiet hope that he merely wanted to cause mischief and would let him go just to annoy the other faeries.

After walking in silence for a while they came to a halt in front of an ornate gate, which Malachi unlocked with a golden key.

“After you,” he said politely and held the door for Alex.  

Wary, but unwilling to antagonise the Fae, Alex entered a spacious sitting room. There were comfortable looking couches and armchairs strewn around with a low table holing all sorts of delicacies in their middle. As all rooms in the palace, this one also seemed strangely alive, the wood of the walls and furniture looked organically grown, and Alex could even see greened twigs sprouting in a corner.

“Please, take a seat,” Malachi said, settling himself in a high-backed armchair. Alex gingerly sat down on the couch across him, muscles wound tight and ready to jump up any time.

“You must be horribly hungry,” Malachi stated. “Please, eat.”

He gestured towards the richly laid meal between them, flashing the frightened human a charming smile, and Alex suddenly was overwhelmed with how breathtakingly beautiful the Fae was. He had jet-black hair and equally dark eyebrows, his unnaturally pale skin almost gleamed in contrast, and he wore some of the most elegant and noble clothes Alex had ever seen. His face was smooth and ethereally handsome, looking to be about Alex’s age, but Alex knew with certainty that in truth it was closer to 300 than to 30. Of course his insane beauty was probably only due to his strong glamour, hidden underneath it there would be inhuman Fae traits of unknown horrors.

“Come on, eat,” Malachi repeated, his pose open and suggesting hospitality.

Alex hesitated, he had experienced the bewitching effect faerie food had on humans first-hand already and knew that he shouldn’t take the risk of it dulling his senses. But he couldn’t deny that he was quite hungry, and the food just looked so good. Besides, refusing Malachi’s hospitality would be extremely impolite and a clear affront, especially after he’d saved his life.

Slowly Alex reached out and picked up a small bread roll from a basket, carefully taking a tiny bite. He closed his eyes as the explosion of flavour hit his tongue, the bread roll was perfectly crisp and fluffy, the warm grounding taste of the dough complemented perfectly by the mixture of spices. He must have forgotten how irresistible faerie food was, everything tasted so much more intense and delicious, from the bread and meats to the fruits and cheese, even the water was cooler and more refreshing than it had any right to be. At first he tried to eat only as little as possible, but soon found himself unable stop and didn’t even pay much attention to the Fae watching him with a slight smile.

“What is your name?” Malachi asked, breaking the spell of the food for a moment.

“A- Kieran,” Alex said, his mind thankfully still quick enough to remember to give his fake name. He had felt so smart and invincible when he’d come to the fair folk a decade ago, just because he’d thought of a fake name to use, but had quickly learned that even without the absolute control real names gave them, faeries were incredibly dangerous.

“Pleased to make your acquaintance, Kieran.” The Fae inclined his head. “You may call me Malachi, for now.”

Alex smiled back, the effect of the faerie food was finally sinking in, calming him and making everything seem even more intense and pretty. His initial fear and anxiety had all but passed, he felt warm and safe, only a small voice nagging at the back of his mind told him to resist and stay alert, but why would he listen to it? There was nothing to worry about, Malachi had saved him and was so nice to him, and he was so beautiful…

“You’re so beautiful,” Alex mumbled, looking away embarrassed when he realised what he’d said.

Malachi’s smile widened. “Why, thank you. You are an extraordinarily adorable human as well.”

Alex blushed shyly, only vaguely registering that maybe it wasn’t a good thing to have so much attention from a powerful Fae.

“Is that why you saved me?”

Malachi chuckled. “Partially, yes.”

“What will happen now?” Alex asked. “Will you just let me leave or bring me back to the human world? Or do you want to make a deal?”

“You want to leave already?” Malachi acted surprised. “Why that? Have I not been an accommodating host? Wouldn’t I deserve some more of your company?”

Alex licked his lips, nervosity starting to bubble up under the faerie food induced calmness. “Thank you for your offer, Lord Malachi, but I really should go.”

Malachi clicked his tongue and stood up. “The way outside is such a labyrinth, a little human like you could get lost easily.” He slowly walked around the table towards Alex. “And I would be quite sad if you left so soon. After all, I haven’t had a sweet human pet in such a long time.” With that he leaned over Alex and brushed a thumb over his cheek, still smiling.

Alex froze, the Fae’s touch felt almost electrifying, and he gradually began to realise the scale of the mess he was in.

“No, no, I have to – I want to go,” Alex stuttered.

Malachi gently placed his index finger upon Alex’s lips and said, “You can't always get what you want, little human.”

Alex was locked into place, unable to move, and he knew that he’d be panicking right now if it wasn’t for the faerie food he’d made the mistake to eat.

“Don’t worry, Kieran,” Malachi said. “I will take good care of you.”

The Fae’s unwavering smile was the last thing Alex saw before everything went dark.

[sammysreelreviews]

Counting Down My Top 20 Films Of The Decade: Part 2

Here we are y’all, the last decade list. I can’t believe I actually finished this list. This list took fucking forever and I can’t believe I’m finally sharing it! All my decade lists are listed here in my intro to the first part of my top 20! Okay so some of these choices may be crazy, I know, but I picked the movies that have made me feel things and movies that I have watched over and over and over again. I’m so glad I got to reminisce on all these wonderful films and I’m so happy to share this with the world! My next post won’t be until 2020 and the topic is still to be determined but it will be a list of television shows cause I know how much y’all love that. This past year has been a roller coaster for me but one positive is that my blog really grew! I appreciate anyone who reads or shares or likes any of my posts it means the world to me. Even when I was at my absolute worst I kept up with this blog and everyone who interacts with it helps keep me going. I hope everyone has a happy and healthy New Years! Before I forget ***THERE WILL BE SPOILERS!!!*** Mwah!

10. Upgrade (2018)

This past year I realized that I may like sci-fi movies more than I thought. My friend Kelsey raved about this and after I watched I 100% saw why. This action packed film about a technophobe looking for revenge is absolutely insane!!! I don’t wanna give it away cause I highly recommend you watch this so if you wanna hear more about it click here!

9. Drive (2011)

Ugh, I don’t have much to say about this BRILLIANT film cause words are not enough but that elevator scene alone deserves an Oscar. The 80’s themed soundtrack, and neon lights started a revolution in 2010 indie cinema and I stand by that.

8. La La Land (2016)

I wrote a review on this movie that you can read here so I’ll keep this brief. When I watched this in theaters I sobbed at the end because it just reminded me of how much I loved film and writing screenplays. Anytime I feel like I can’t do anything or that I’m not progressing I put La La Land on and remember a career in film is what I’m meant to do.

7. Happy Death Day (2017)

I’m really going to try to not talk about this movie in 2020 but I can not make any promises. If you follow me I am so sorry you have to see me mention this movie for the 7000th time. If you’re new here first of all, welcome! Second of all, you can read all about it here, here, and here. I love Happy Death Day so much and the sequel is just as good so please rent it or stream it! I want a 3rd movie! I need it!!!

6. Nocturnal Animals (2016)

This is one of the most underrated films ever. Like where was the Oscar nomination?! I wrote an entire review about it so you can read more about it here! All I’m gonna say is, that scene where she’s getting an abortion and Jake Gyllenhaal is waiting outside in he fucking rain for her?!?! I literally gasped in theaters. 

5. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (2010)

Let me start by saying that this is the funniest movie ever created. I know every single line to this film and every time I watch it I still laugh which is impressive because I’ve literally been watching this movie for almost a decade now. I’m kind of out of words to say because there are so many things worth mentioning but I’ll try! Let’s start with the how insane this cast is. Can you believe that this movie has Superman, Captain America, and Captain Marvel!? The best Avengers movie is this one if you ask me! Michael Cera is always hysterical but Kieran Culkin is one of my favorite parts of this movie. When this movie came out I had a crush on Jonny Simmons so he was one of the reasons I saw it but he’s underrated as Young Neil. Anna Kendrick and Aubrey Plaza have small parts but they make quite the impact. Alison Pill deserves a damn Oscar already! She’s honestly one of the best actresses of our generation. Ellen Wong as Knives Chau kills me and I was so excited when she was a main cast member on The Carrie Diaries. Lastly, Mae Whitman says one of my favorite lines ever and although she’s in the movie for like 3 scenes she certainly makes the most of the little time she’s given. The comedic timing of this film is perfection and it’s one of the only movies where every single scene is entertaining! There are so many things I quote from this movie it’d be unfair to only pick one honestly but “Alright this next song goes out to the guy who keeps yelling from the balcony. It’s called We Hate You, Please Die.” And that song title is exactly what I think of anyone who does not enjoy this PERFECT film.

4. Like Crazy (2011)

If you know me you know how much I love this movie, movies about love, and how much I loved Anton Yelchin so this movie is a firm sucker punch to the gut. I haven’t watched it since Anton passed but it’s one of the most emotional films I’ve ever seen. A couple with an ocean between them is probably the decade’s best romance. Felicity and Anton had insane chemistry and improvised most of the movie. I would write more but I’m tearing up thinking about Anton *insert every sad and crying emoji*.

3. Call Me By Your Name (2017)

When I first saw this movie I left the theater asking myself why this movie was such a big deal. Then I got in my car and started bawling my eyes out. What I love about CMBYM is how optimistic it makes you feel about love the whole time Elio (Timothée Chalamet) and Oliver (Armie Hammer) were falling in love I had puppy dog eyes. I’m a Pisces so I’m all about deep and fleeting love and every time I watch this movie it gets me in my fucking feels! When Elio cried on the car ride home after saying bye to Oliver but they couldn’t give each other a proper goodbye cause they’re gay and it was the 80’s!!! HeartBREAKING! Not only did this movie make me wanna runaway to Italy but It’s also one of the sexiest movies of the decade and I haven’t looked at peaches the same since.

2. Gone Girl (2014)

I read Gone Girl before I saw the movie and I’ve regretted it everyday since. The book took me three days to finish, which is a lot for me, and I felt like it was too detailed. In the book you read a lot of Amy’s (Rosamund Pike) journal entries which makes it pretty obvious that she’s alive and well. I hate Ben Affleck but honestly he was the perfect choice to play Nick. This movie is one of the only movies that is better than the book. When this was on HBO I literally watched it every time it was on tv for months. The cinematography is phenomenal and the acting is even better. Fincher is a genius and in my eyes, Gone Girl is his best work.

1. Black Swan (2010)

The flavor this film has... I mean it’s immaculate. Growing up I studied at Boston Ballet School and it was very intense! Those ten years helped shape me into the woman I am today. While I did ballet I used to always go see ballets cause we got discounted tickets and my favorite was Swan Lake. The music, the story, the costumes, it’s all so beautiful and timeless. When the film came out I was so excited. I had no idea what to expect but if it’s about ballet I am in. I love this movie so much it’s dark, the acting is superb, and nothing is better than Tchaikovsky’s music blaring in the background during the most climatic scenes. Black Swan might be my third favorite movie of all time but it’s 100% my favorite movie of the 2010’s. I have no idea not know why it didn’t win best picture.

[spiltscribbles]

All The Lights Are Sparkling For You  |  Part I

~*~

“So a sixteen ounce almond latte with a pump of lavender and honey?” The barista chortles, flipping her pretty ginger hair and batting her lashes.

“Precisely gorgeous,” Kit says with a smile that makes her flush. 

“Cool, that’ll be right up.”

“Brilliant!” Kit gives two quick wraps of his knuckles against the countertop before pivoting around and sliding into the seat across from Ty, pretending as if his chest doesn’t seize at the sight of his insanely intense sea glass eyes and the pedal soft curve of his cheek.

“She likes you,” he says in that stripped down way of his before taking a bite of his sub, a bit of mayo getting on his cupids bow, and thanking Kit when he passes over a napkin.

“You flatter me Tiberius,” Kit snorts before snatching the other half and eating it himself, only partially curious of how much it might look like a date from the outside, and entirely ignoring how much he wouldn’t mind if it was.

“Everyone likes you,” Ty shrugs, blasé.

“They tell me it’s the smile.”

That makes it so Ty lets out a breathy, little laugh, and Kit can’t help but liken it to the most beautiful instrument. He’s always so proud whenever he can make it so Ty’s eyes go incandescent and there’s the slightest dimple right on the apple of his cheek, when Ty looks effortlessly beautiful and happy to be here.

Kit knows that this sleepy Oregon town on the coast is as far away from LA— where Ty was brought up— as anything could be. He knows that Ty choosing to go here for University was a way for him to strike out on his own, apart from the huge Blackthorn clan that Kit’s only ever seen pictures of, but has been exceedingly jealous of ever since. Kit knows that Ty has never really fit into his own skin here, that if it wasn’t for Kit’s constant insistence that they spend days on days together at the start of their freshman year that Ty would’ve been perfectly content keeping to hisself for the four years he’s here until he could go back home. But still, Kit also knows that they were meant to be in each others lives, in some major capacity.

He thinks back to his mother— her pale gold hair and the twinkle in her eyes— She use to always croon that the stars were set out for us, that kismet and providence would lead us to the people we’re meant to be. Kit was a little boy then, one who was to busy making a ruckus wherever he went to spare any of his time to understanding what she meant with those sort of proclamations. Even now, so many years divorced from her death, Kit doesn’t think any of his decisions were chosen before he ever knew the options, but a small part of him does like the idea that some peoples stars were lined up in the exact right breath that they were destined to cross paths and to create an entirely knew one for just the pair of them. One that was glowing and glimmering and perfect.

Kit’s sure that Ty’s one of those people— maybe the only person save for Tessa and Jem— And if he could make Ty even slightly happier than he was, then Kit considers it a job well done.

“Order up,” the barista from before chimes as she slides across the coffee and a slice of the lemon loaf. “On the house handsome,” she winks before strutting back to her post.

“I’ll take that,” Ty says before plucking the dessert from Kit’s non suspecting hand.

“Rude.”

“Life can be like that,” Ty just reasons before picking up his chirping phone, face grimacing at the sight of the text.

“Everything’s okay?” Kit asks, tentative.

“’s just Livvy.”

Kit can feel his face scrunch up in confusion. Every time Ty even alludes to his twin sister— a pixie sized, beautiful brunette with eyes that are a mirror of Ty’s own— he’s only ever beaming with light and glee and it’s probably the only times Kit looks at Ty and he seems totally whole.

“Is she alright?”

“Wonderful.” Ty intones, tossing the device to the side and sinking his teeth into his bottom lip, delicate hands beginning to tap and flutter around the table in a nervous sort of tension.

Kit’s becoming even more nervous than before.

“Don’t leave me in suspense Tiberius, what’s going on?”

“Nothing… Erm ah, nothing really.” Kit levels him with his patented are you shitting me grimace. “It’s just, my older brother…”

“Mark or Julian?”

“Julian, he’s getting married.” The locomotive sized weight on Kit’s chest suddenly dissipated and he swats Ty on the forearm.

“Hey! What’s with the frown you ass! That’s great news! It’s with that pretty blonde right? Emma?”

Ty nods, still impossibly glum looking.

“Ok Tiberius, I’m really confused to the whole woe with me thing you’ve got going on right now.”

“Livvy’s designated herself the head wedding planner.”

“Alright… and the problem?”

“I just know that Dru’s bringing her boyfriend Jamie, and Helen’s bringing her wife Aline, and of course Mark’s got his Kieran and Christina-“

“Okay man, i’m seriously not following any of this but we’re going back to the bit where Mark’s got two partners apparently? Which I personally find unfair and a bit elitist.”

Ty ignores him and just continues rattling off these names that Kit only slightly recognizes.

“Magnus and Alec are gonna be there and like just stand around being better than everyone! And Jace and Clary! Definitely Isabell and Simon too!”

“Am I having a stroke? Ty as my best friend you’re obligated to tell me if I’m having a stroke.”

“You know this’s all just a big ploy by Livvy, right?” Ty charges, mouth curled.

“This wedding… The one between your brother Julian and his long time girlfriend Emma, is a ploy? A ploy by Livvy?”

“She’s worried about me! She’s always worried about me! She thinks that I’m sequestering myself here, was mad when I came home over the summer and told her I hadn’t gone out with anyone all year.”

Kit spreads out his hands, very narrowly misses toppling over his drink. “Sisters am I right?… Actually am I right, I was an only child growing up and Nian has only just begun learning her shapes so I doubt she’d be much of a comparison.”

Ty’s expression goes very, very flat.

“You’re so ridiculous.”

“And you’re so serious.”

“Look, I know Livvy, okay. This’s just part of her grand plan to finally pair me up with someone!”

“A grand plan… Kit repeats, slow and confused.

“She’s worried about me, she thinks that everyone needs like a boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever to be happy.”

“I see.”

“She’s gonna try and pair me up with like somebody I don’t even know for the entire wedding! Like some way worse version of a blind date. Just you watch!”

“Aren’t weddings like only a few hours?”

“Not in Blackthorn standards,” Ty bristles, begins to spin his phone with the pop socket Kit had gotten him a couple weeks ago because it had his initials and it was a cheap version of getting something actually monogrammed, which in all his dorkitude Ty actually loves to have, has got all his pencils imprinted with his first and last names, and middle initial. It’d all be infuriating if it wasn’t so cute.

“Yo man I’m sorry, but Livvy’s got your best interest at heart, you know that.”

“I know,” Ty sighs, runs a hand through his dark hair . “I just wish she didn’t feel like responsible for me all the time.”

Kit purses his lip in discomfort, suddenly feels an intense kinship with Ty’s twin whom he’s never met. He’d like to tell Ty that it’s not a feeling of responsibility but a gesture of love. She wants to make sure he’s taken care of because her heart wouldn’t feel complete if she wasn’t doing that. Kit wants to tell him it’s not because he’s a weight on her shoulders but because he’s the first person to look at him and make Kit feel like he’s being seen. The first person to touch him softly instead of automatically assuming he’s been cut from metal and steel and brimstone. The first person to have caught and effortlessly kept Kit’s attention, the only one who’s ever made it so Kit’s skin feels like it’s been lit on fire with every surreptitious glance.

Oh, erm— Ah, but that’s all completely from livvi’s hypothetic perspective, not from Kit’s. Not at all, not even slightly.

“Mmm,” Kit clears his throat, trying to clear his head of all those sorts of thoughts, less he risk the best friendship he’s ever known. “Well Livvy obviously just wants to make sure you’re happy, I bet if you just told her that you’ve already found a date for the wedding she won’t bother to try and play matchmaker.”

Kit’s taken aback when he sees an all too familiar gleam in Ty’s gorgeous eyes and his head popping up in sudden, acute excitement.

“Yes! Brilliant! Totally! Watson you’re a genius!”

Kit can’t help but preen, feels a warmth coiling deep inside him at the sparks Ty’s quite literally radiating.

“I’m glad you’ve finally came to the light Tiberius.”

“You’ll come then?”

“Oh, ah, what?”

“To the wedding! You’ll pretend to be my date, in a romantic sense I mean.”

“Ahh,” Kit feels like he’s been succor punched, is especially confused to this parody of what he’s been privately wishing to hear for over a year now. “Run that by me again?”

“you’re a genius!” Ty crows, fists clenched and smile bright. “It’s not even that large of a leap! You’re the only person I tell them about and I bet if I tell her now that we’ve begun dating she wouldn’t even prod when I bring you to the wedding in January!”

Kit still feels very much so out of the loop.

“THey’d probably want you to spend Christmas with us too, would that be alright with you? You guys don’t really celebrate right? Jem’s a Buddhist and you said Tessa is atheist right?”

“Ah… yeah?”

“Oh awesome! I’ll call her and tell her now!” Ty leaps out of his chair, gathers Kit in for a tight hug before scurrying off to a quieter corner of the union to chat with Livvy.

“Wait, what just happened?” is all Kit can manage out, blinking owlish in Ty’s wake.

[transkieran]

anyway, guarma & colm-odriscoll-is-my-daddy (& friends) think abusive ships are a funny way to get under someone’s skin

JUST FYI: I woulda had this conversation in private, but @guarma keeps calling Erin a bitch with a god-complex, even though everything she accuses Erin of is something I did, and she refuses to acknowledge me. So no more private, she called me a pussy for not confronting her. Well here's the confront ig!

background context: people decided to start shitting on the Yehaw Function server again in another server (let’s say ‘A’ bc I do not wish to drag the owner into this, they were rarely online). @ssupeck21 thought it was perfectly fine to mock the gender and race of a two-spirited native trans guy. nice transphobia and racism there! 

considering i remarked on it, they realized i knew him and suspected me of leaking the above screenshot to the YF server. i had already left this server at the end of february over several reasons, including erin’s server becoming my main one. i’m also reasonably sure i have mentioned no longer being in YF at some point. damage done: kate (guarma) and pongo ( @colm-odriscoll-is-my-daddy ) now think i’m “a spy” for YF. (ironic because @ssupeck21 let @jennyxbeans into erin’s server bc she was spying for jenn. and more irony later)

as proven in DM to someone later (oh no, a spied image?), they had the amazing idea to bait me and erin with something that is a massive trigger for me (bully/victim ships). some weirdness: by that time, i’d only made about 2 b/k posts on my blog, neither of which mentioned my trauma i’m pretty sure. erin meanwhile, wasn’t even in the original convi from the first screenshot, though she has mentioned she finds b/k gross. 

so whilst this in its entirety is already immature in itself (really? you think someone is sending screenshots and wanna get ‘revenge’ when you constantly rely on getting screenshots yourself? yes i know someone leaked you screenshots of YF, kate). but also: for someone who talked about being abused and having anxiety, she should know better than use an abusive ship to get back at someone. because i’m 99% sure she knows b/k is a trigger for me; whilst not on my blog, i have had plenty of rants and vents in servers about how b/k is not good for my mental health and that it will make me panic. 

conversation #1 (i do not have screenshots of this): someone asked what everyone’s ships are in rdr2. bill/kieran gets mentioned, at some point i put rooWut (a disgusted looking emote) and remark something about abusive gay ships being cute to them. it gets glossed over, i leave. 

conversation #2. the conversation moves to the nsfw channel, where they pin the message in the above screenshot. ha ha , bully/victim ships are a funny joke! conversation moves on to arthur and other things until Pongo clearly feels like she wants to force a reaction out of me and/or erin. (living dead girl is erin, i am dan’s achy breaky heart).

at this point, my anxiety spikes and i put something along the lines of “my fist up your ass would look cute” in the vent chat of Erin’s server. NSFW with b/k is not good for me, at all. it made me flashback to something, i’m basically just trying to not have a panic attack. but ! ofc , why stop now. 

pongo makes another comment, now not under a spoiler tag and clearly with the context of the DM to get another reaction out of me. erin puts a completely unrelated image to try and divert the conversation, because i’m like entirely losing it at this point---but kate and pongo think it’s hilarious to talk about actually shipping it and kate (micah bell’s dumb hair in the screenshots) is all “omg i wanna write a smut now for them”. 

also: my nickname in this server includes ‘trans kieran’ at this point , either as just my url or like “lion ♡ trans kieran”. they all know i am a gay trans guy, even if some of them currently like to pretend they don’t know me. (hi, @morlawny who doesn’t even wanna say my name at this point despite being all nice in erin’s server.)

i can’t entirely remember my own message, nor do i have screenshots of it because i send it and left and they deleted it like straight after it seems (because an older screenshot, from the day itself, also didn’t have my message anymore). i left because at that point, i lost all ability to think straight. because someone can remark on b/k before and they’ll still be all “ha ha funny!”

at this point, in erin’s server, two things happen. one friend of kate, who isn’t in the server this happened in, asks if she ships bill/kieran and kate admits her plan to just trigger me. because of this, kate starts acting like the victim and making me out like the bad guy who’s shittalking her and refuses to talk to her--which, during a panic attack and with my feelings very clear, i don’t need to. 

secondly, another friend of kate decides my trauma is funny and starts to send kate (on request) screenshots of the vent conversation in erin’s server, starting from the goddamn my fist up your ass comment. the conversation also includes details of my trauma. my trauma is being send around like gossip. 

also this happens in the server i left and i get send it: 

i dunno what planet anyone is living on but, apparently my melt down was only good for one thing: getting mocked. “kieran’s coochie” is transphobic as fuck when you’re laughing at a trans guy getting upset over bill/kieran. especially when it’s very clear i hc kieran as trans. yet, pongo, wolfy ( @soulheartthewolf ) and kate seem to think it’s fucking hilarious. 

kate and pongo then try to play the “we were just joking!” card. when everyone i’ve had read those screenshots agrees nothing about it reads as a joke, and we’re now very sure they weren’t joking about, they were being vile and malicious. (but hey, what’s to expect from someone who says they’d fuck a fictional racist if he was real! that’s ... excusing racism, kate).  

(guarma is micah bell? you mean my husband ;; pongo is arthur morgan is an incel. the other person is the artist who drew young micah, idk their url anymore)

“my mocking of the Bill/Kieran ship” I’m so sorry, Kate, but nothing about nsfw b/k and wanting to write a fic about it, reads as mocking. This entire “it’s just a joke!” doesn’t diminish the fact that you triggered a panic attack. Yes, I shittalked you, because I felt like it was goddamn deserved for "joking” about an abusive ship in a way that didn’t read as a joke. because after I left neither of you got the damn hint and just went straight for the transphobia. It’s not get together and hate guarma, it’s “lion has a panic attack and will actually react insanely aggressively about the things that upset him”. You can turn and twist this into you being the victim all you want, but you ain’t. You’re a pathetic example of a 19 year old who thinks it’s funny to trigger flashbacks and panic attacks. I didn’t talk to you, because at the time the only thing I would’ve probably said, which is also what I’m saying now, is: go shove an entire cactus up your ass, you pathetic cunt of a human being. 

Leave Erin out of this, it’s goddamn hilarious you keep going after a cis bi woman instead of after me, a gay trans guy, and god I fucking wonder why. 

You interact with people who think they can just be racist and transphobic towards anyone they like ( @ssupeck21 ), with people who’ll willing send you all the screenshots you want, with people who send anon hate ( @jennyxbeans ), you’re treating trauma and abuse like a joke and then have the gal to be all “i’d never because i have anxiety!” No. Own up to your shit. 

(I could go on in this post about how she’s just as bad a shittalking, leaked screenshot-wanting piece of shit but hey, the post is very long already so whatever). 

edit: i have deleted screenshot leaking accusations towards morlawny bc i can’t actually prove them but i’m keeping up the thing where you decided to be all nice to me in servers, but then turned around and were all “idk kate didn’t say any of that” (i literally know u were there for those conversations, your name in screenshots!) and tried to defend her constantly in a DM with someone. 

[chocolatecarstairs]

qoaad theories

 i’ve had these theories for so long but i never got around to sharing them. talk about doing stuff at the last minute! (minor spoilers if you haven’t read the leaked first 3 chapters of queen/tmi spoilers) 

also a disclaimer: i know that some people have gotten their copies early and might be able to confirm/deny these rumors, but i am not one of those people. these are all theories i’ve had written down and dated in a notebook for varying amounts of time. if you are one of the people who got their copies early (you lucky, lucky bastards) please, please, please don’t confirm or deny any of these theories or correct them or spoil anything about the book for me and everyone else who is still waiting for their copy. (at the end of this post i’ll explain how i’ll tag spoilers for those of you who wish to not see them to be able to block and avoid)

the parabatai curse has something to do with heavenly fire: basically jules and emma have both described burning sensations and extreme heat so many times in the series. (ex; emma always notes that julians skin feels hot to the touch, in lm the day after emma heals jules from the posion arrow he applies runes to her and she notices that they burn and sting which is the opposite of what is supposed to happen when your parabatai gives you runes) and in the leaked first three chapters after julian and emma almost frick-frack julian rushes off and looks at his parabatai rune in the mirror and its like glowing and has flecks in it? which is exactly how jace’s eye are describe in cohf when he still doesn’t have the heavenly fire under control and he loses control kissing clary in the alley. we’ve actually never really seen what the heavenly fire does longterm. clary traps the heavenly fire in the morgernstern sword just days after jace got it so it could reason that the heavenly fire drives people insane after a while because they’re not equipped to handle something so divine and powerful. it also could do it quicker to people who don’t have extra angel blood. i also think that this could have something to do with the snippet cassie released about emma’s marks (we all assumed it meant her marks disappeared but i have a feeling that’s not the case.). the snippet was entirely out of context and i think cassie posted it that way on purpose. she wanted us to believe that emma’s marks had disappeared but maybe they were actually glowing like julian’s parabatai mark had been (which could be one of the physical changes cassie mentioned.) and this is how the curse and the heavenly fire will take affect.

diego is going to die: i hate to even type this one out bc over the course of the series i’ve actually grown to like diego as a character, but i think he’s going to die in qooad. jaime will (presumably) be living in la for twp as he is an important character in that series, and i don’t think he’d leave the mexico institute if he hadn’t experienced some great tragedy that made it too painful for him to stay. i know that’s a stretch, but it isn’t my only reason for thinking perfect diego is kicking the bucket. he is currently in a marriage contract w zara and i don’t see the dearborns letting him out of it that easily. even if he can’t give them the heirloom i could see zara and horace forcing him to marry into the family as punishment and as security that if the heirloom ever does turn up zara will be able to use it to invade faerie. not to mention, he is harboring kieran at the sholomance which at the very least would be frowned upon by the clave and considered abominable by the cohort, but it also quite probably illegal. with horace as the new inquisitor and the mortal sword out of commision the cohort will probably spin a tale of treason and faerie-sympathizing on the part of diego and his friends that helped him hide away kieran. this will probably make him a target for everyone in the cohort. not to mention i feel like his storyline will wrap up at some point in qoaad and i could even see him dying in some way to save cristina and repay this debt he feels he owes her for breaking her heart (not to mention he is obviously still in love with her.).

we’re not going to see too much of ty actually mourning, but what we do see is gonna be heart-wrenching: we all know ty is going to try to use necromancy to bring livvy back from the dead (which was one of my earlier theories about qooad) and that the only reason ty isn’t a mess over her death is because he thinks she’ll be back with him soon enough. obviously, almost none of us believe this is going to work and we’re fully prepared for livvy to stay dead. i don’t think ty is going to realize that there is no way to bring her back until way later if not the very end of the book and watching him come to that realization is going to be an incredibly emotional experience for not just us as readers, but for kit and dru, and especially for ty himself. livvy and ty had a bond that i think was even closer than the parabatai bond and so watching him go through the stages of grief and finally accept the fact that his twin and partner and best friend (who as it had been mentioned before he has literally never gone without her a day in his life and has never been in a world she wasn’t in) is dead is going to be one of the most tragic losses/parts of not just the dark artifices but the entire shadowhunter chronicles.

zara dies, horace lives: kind of a simple theory but i’m 50/50 about zara making it out of this series alive. i have nothing to base this on but a gut feeling. i just really feel like one of the dearborns is going to die and think it would be a better death if it was zara. it’s kind of dark and twisted but zara dying would be an amazing cosmic punishment for horace. he would be going on in a world where the only person he had in life (it’s been mentioned his wife is dead and so far they haven’t mentioned any other family) is gone. 

the cohort isn’t going anywhere just yet: in fact, i think whatever happens in qoaad will just give them more power. livia’s watch will (hopefully) give them a run for their money, but at the end of the day i don’t see them being disbanded or falling apart. cassie has even said that at the end of the book things will be “not great for a lot of people”. i think she meant downworlders and non-racist nephilim. people like alec, jocelyn, and aline (and presumably cristina and diana) who have fallen in love with and been involved in serious relationships with downworlders or part downworlders. people like helen, mark, and kit who have downworlder/faerie blood. and finally for allies to the nephilim like maia, lily, magnus, luke, kieran, gwyn and so on who will likely bear the brunt of whatever the cohort has planned.

ragnor fell is shade: not a very original or well thought out theory. just the only person i can think of that we’ve seen before who is green and could possibly have a relationship with church. (he was very good friends with magnus in basically every series of tsc. church was taken care of by magnus for some time after jem became a silent brother which could explain how he and ragnor would know each other.)

kieran is heading back to faerie: i wanna see the hot faerie threesome last just as much if not more than everyone else out there but i have a feeling it’ll be a one and done type of thing. i see kieran either heading back to the unseelie court as king or a prince (hopefully the unseelie king dies) or being reclaimed into the wild hunt. if adaon takes the kings place i think he would welcome kieran back into the court as a prince and kieran would have some sort of gentry responsibility. if kieran is king then as it's been stated before “a king of faerie can have no human consort.” cassie even replied with that quote to a since-deleted tweet that i believe was about keirark or kieraktina. if kieran isn’t brought back to the unseelie court and the unseelie king dies gwyn will probably take kieran back into the hunt. the only reason kieran isn’t with them right now is bc the unseelie king wants him dead, so it stands to reason that, if the king is dead and the courts don’t claim kieran, gwyn will take him back to the wild hunt.

julian will sever the parabatai bonds (parabatai theory #1): we already know that the parabatai curse will be resolved “one way or the other” and right now the only substantial and viable option we’ve been given (besides jules or emma dying which is a fat NOPE) is the severing of all parabatai bonds using the black volume. it’s been heavily hinted at, if not flat-out stated, that julian is more than willing to sever the bonds if it means keeping emma and his family safe. julian and emma will be sent on a quest to faerie seemingly to retrieve the black volume and return it to horace/ the clave. according to one of the snippets, they apparently bring it to the seelie queen and she will only tell julian how to break the bonds. i personally don’t think cassie would have done it this way if julian was just going to tell emma right after. either she won't want to know or he’ll refuse to tell her, so i don't think she’ll even be able to break the parabatai bond. (unless they have to do it together which would be super cool) and i’ve mentioned it before, but cassie has said that the shadowhunter world will be changed forever in and leading up to twp and that the storyline would deal with how the protagonists and other characters adapt to those changes. i really feel like one of those changes could be the breaking of the parabatai bonds.

cortana is the key to breaking emma and julian’s parabatai bond (parabatai theory #2):  throughout the series, there have been multiple references made to the fact that cortana can cut through anything (ex; using cortana emma killed a rider of manaan which was previously thought to be impossible, emma also destroyed the mortal sword in combat using cortana). if cortana can truly cut anything then surely it should be able to cut the bond between emma and julian. i don’t know exactly how that would work, but this could also tie in with the severing of all parabatai bonds. maybe you need a blade made by wayland the smith to severe them. anything is possible.

that’s basically it on my theories for qoaad. i don’t know if any of them will come true, but i had a lot of fun theorizing over the past year and a half while i waited for queen. in the past couple weeks i’ve reread cohf, lady midnight, and lord of shadows in preparation for queen of air and darkness, so i only posted the theories i thought were relevant or most likely based on the proof i had from those previous books. maybe once i’m done with queen i’ll make a separate post of all the theories i had that were correct or partially correct.

since queen comes out tomorrow (technically today since it’s 5 AM) i wanted to make this long overdue announcement. i know i don't have a ton of followers (100 as of just recently!! thank you guys sm!), but many of you guys are tda or shadowhunter fans, so from now until sometime in january (likely january 4, but possibly later as i know some people will be getting the book for christmas) i will be tagging nearly all queen of air and darkness posts with the tags #qoaadspoilers, #qoaad spoilers, #queen of air and darkness spoilers (with the exception of things we already know like stuff from snippets or non-spoilery pictures). if you don’t wish to see any spoilers from me you can block these tags. that way posts tagged as such won’t show up on your news feed. i know a lot of other blogs are doing the same, so it’s a pretty great way to block spoilers all across the board (even cassie recommended it)! if any of you want to know anything specific about the book feel free to pm me, i've literally been talking about this book for weeks so once i know what its actually about i’ll be more than happy to rant about it with any of you!

[bramble-and-blood]

TDA asks!

I was tagged by @forget-me-not-james-hrndle, the sweetest pal you will ever have the pleasure of knowing! Thanks so much for thinking of me, Deena❤️

1. Are you excited for the TID TV show? Why or why not?

Hmmm I’m just going to be diplomatic and say that I’m looking forward to seeing how it will play it out, but if they make one wrong move with it, I might die.

2. What’s your favorite quote from tsc:

“We fear things because we value them. We fear losing people because we love them. We fear dying because we value being alive. Don’t wish you didn’t fear anything. All that would mean is that you didn’t feel anything.” - Julian Blackthorn, Lord of Shadows

3. Which character is most like you and why? (Physical appearance or personality)

I relate so insanely much to Emma, which is probably why I’ve gotten so attached to her and the series. We have generally similar looks: light hair, brown eyes; though I must admit I am not nearly as beautiful! But most of all we have eerily identical personalities and we both are hopelessly in love with Julian Blackthorn so there’s that.

4. Any theories on what will happen in Queen of Air and Darkness?

No one I love dies, Zara and her racist pals are imprisoned indefinitely, Julian finally takes a nap, and Julian and Emma live happily ever after.

God I wish. But in all seriousness, I loooove the theories that the parabatai curse isn’t actually a curse but will eventually turn Julian and Emma into angels. But that’s mostly wishful thinking.

5. Any theories on The Wicked Powers?

Okay so I’m hella excited for TWP, but since it’s such a long wait, I try not to read too many theories because I’m hype enough as it is. I’m just lit that Dru will have a bigger role and that Kit will be there, because Ive absolutely adored him since we got to know him a little better in Lord of Shadows. I do have a feeling though that the clave and the shadowhunter government structures are going to be in complete shambles by the end of QoAAD. So, I’m thinking there is going to be a lot of repair going on in TWP, and hopefully a less authoritarian structure will arise and maybe the Blackthorns can be a part of making that happen. Lex malla, no malla!

6. If you were going to get a shadowhunter chronicles tattoo, what would you get?

I don’t see myself getting a tattoo, mostly because I’m scared of commitment, but if I did I’d like one of the runes. Maybe prosperity, strength, or loyalty. Something with a positive meaning!

7. Shadowhunters tv show fan or not?

I watched the first season and I have to admit I am not the biggest fan. I don’t like how it deviated from the series and portrayed some of my favorite TMI characters (though in complete honesty, I am definitely in love with Matthew Daddario.) But I certainly don’t look down upon people who do like the show! I think it’s important to respect what makes other people happy!

8. How long have you been a fan of CC’s books and have you been in the Tumblr fandom as long as you’ve been a fan?

I read the first couple of TMI books in 8th grade, as a recommendation from one of my friends. I was really fascinated by it and stayed up all night reading them, but at the same time I was slightly weirded out by the incest and demon stuff. I picked them up again in 10th grade, and read all 5? TMI books in less than a week and got so into them. Since then, I’ve read the other TSC books, which I enjoyed even more! I’ve been browsing the TSC tumblr posts pretty much since I started reading them, but I didn’t actually start my own blog until earlier this summer.

9. Favorite ship, brotp, and notp:

-Favorite ship: Jemma Blackstairs (though I’m sure y’all have figured that out by now)

-Brotp: Kieran and Julian! I actually think they’d be really great friends for eachother if not for their circumstances.

-Notp: Sebastian and Clary. Seriously guys, I try not to be judgement but this was wrong on so many levels. First and foremost, he tried to rape her. Need I say more?

10. Which characters do you think are underapppreciated and why?

Julian gets some serious hate but honestly everything potentially morally gray that he has done has been done out of love and kindness, for the protection of his family. He’s been through so much and yeah maybe he doesn’t always make the right choices, but when do any of us?

11. Three things you associate with/ love about your favorite season:

I love winter time, though I might not have the same opinion if I didn’t live in such a hot and humid climate! But I love warm spices (allspice, ginger, nutmeg, cinnamon, cloves), Christmas trees and lights, and chilly air!

12. What’s your Hogwarts house, Ilvermony House, and Patronus?

Gryffindor/Thunderbird/Crow

13. What’s your favorite song, lyrics, or band/singer:

I adore Tom Odell. Literally everyone of his songs, but particularly Hold Me, Magnetized, If you Wanna Love Somebody, Long Way Down, Here I Am. Please check him out and talk to me about how great he is!

14. If you’re in high school and you want to go to uni, what do you want to study?

I am thinking that I want to study architecture! I’ll be applying to colleges this fall, so if someone rich out there is reading this: please send money for school I’m so broke.

15. Coffee, tea, water, or soda:

The only thing I drink on a regular basis is water but I have tea quite often too!

16. What’s your favorite mythical creature?

Hmm centaur maybe? I like Chiron from Percy Jackson and Firenze from Harry Potter!

17. What tv show/ movie do you refuse to watch?

I tried so hard to like Riverdale since everyone is obsessed with it (I watched 2 whole seasons) but it’s not my thing and I stopped watching.

18. What could you do a 40 minute presentation on with no presentation:

Any of Donna Tartt’s books, my cat, The Dark Artifices, and any social political issue.

19. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you move to:

The UK, Belgium, Stockholm, or Helsinki. Basically anywhere in Northern Europe that will take me.

20. What dumb accomplishment are you proud of:

As of now, I have a 4.0 GPA; also I have solved a rubix cube!

21. What’s your name:

Katie! But you can call me whatever you like!

So I am officially tagging: the person reading this, @booksandmentalbreakdowns, @daisyrose97, @blxckburn, @halzleeforever ,@pancakegoddess, and @sockmonstergotstyle

Please don’t feel like you have to do this if I tag you, just know I’m thinking of you! ❤️❤️❤️

[davidmann95]

Top 10 Comics Alliance articles?

That is a scale of searching and winnowing down that’s beyond me, though along with those Superman pieces and a bunch of Sims’ stuff on Batman that would probably increase the size of this damn thing by half over again, some favorites that come to mind after a search include: 

* Andrew Wheeler’s Where Have All The Good Men Gone And Where Are All The Gods? Reflections On The Rifts In Superhero Fandom; The Straightwashing Of Hercules And How Marvel Keeps Failing LGBTQ Readers; ‘If You Don’t Like It, Make Your Own’ Is Terrible Advice, But A Great Idea; Super: The Inhumans And The Sinister Gentrification Of Otherness; Revival, Reinvention, Resurrection: The Power Of Great Superhero Costume Design; and Is Frank Cho The Last Champion Of Straight Men’s Boners In This Hellish Feminist Wasteland We Live In? 

* Kieran Shiach’s This Magazine Kills Fascists series; Understanding Hawkman: How A Simple Concept Became The DC Universe’s Most Confusing Character; The Importance Of LQBTQ Representation In All-Ages Comic Books; Rebirth Anxiety: Our Hopes And Fears For DC’s Latest Not-Reboot; How Comic Books Helped Me Come Out As Bisexual; and Crisis Management: How Do You Solve A Problem Like Continuity? 

* Juliet Kahn’s Who Is Wonder Woman? The Diamonds And Dinged Plastic Of Azzarello & Chiang’s Amazon Princess; Smart, Nice And Sassy: ‘Good Girl’ Role Models Make Boring Heroes; and Emma Frost’s Wardrobe Is Malfunctioning

* David Uzumeri’s various annotations; Alan Moore X Hideaki Anno: Their Failed Assassinations Of Their Genres; and The Geoff Johns Literalism Method: A Primer

* Kate Leth’s Kate Or Die strips

* David Brothers’ The Originals and I’m David series; 50 Years Later: Growth And Maturity In Amazing Spider-Man 1-50; and Frank Miller’s Holy Terror: A Propaganda Comic That Fights Faith Instead Of Evil

* Charlotte Finn’s Lost in Transition and Preacher, Ma’am series along with Unpacking The Transphobia In Airboy #2 and It Will Never Love You Back: Marvel, Ike Perlmutter, And Why The Corporation Cannot Be Your Friend 

* Elle Collins’ Give ‘Em Elle series 

* Chris Sims’ Funkywatch and Bizarro Back Issues along with various TV/movie co-reviews; The Racial Politics Of Regressive Storytelling; Time And Time Again: The Complete History Of DC’s Retcons And Reboots; The Rise And Fall Of Chuck Austen; The Ask Chris Halloween Special!; Worst Of The Worst: ‘Justice League: The Rise Of Arsenal #3′; Building A Better Superhero Costume; Which Superhero Could Replace Santa Claus?; Batman Vs. ‘Twilight’ (and indeed any time he was called upon to take a look at either Twilight or the Transformers movies); The Great Santa Fight; How I Learned To Love ‘Achewood’; The Weirdest Part Of ‘Achewood’; I Hate You So Much Lucy Lane; Why Spider-Man Is The Best Character Ever (Yes, Even Better Than Batman); Bob Kane Is Just The Worst; Stan Lee, The Man And The Myth; DC, Marvel And ‘The Problem’; and any time he was asked to review fast food/Halloween costumes/Valentine cards/happy meal toys/etc., along with plenty of other Ask Chris’s I’m forgetting about at the moment to be sure (but I feel fair in saying I’ve done a deep enough dive for the evening)

* Laura Hudson’s The Big Sexy Problem With Superheroines And Their ‘Liberated Sexuality’; Sexual Harassment In Comics: The Tipping Point; and the The Complete And Utter Insanity Of ‘Batman: Odyssey’ series with David Wolkin

* Tuesdays & Wednesdays: The Comicsalliance Roundtable On Politics And Comics; ‘Rebirth’ Roundtable: Comics Alliance Takes On DC’s Latest Announcements; and Why We Love Comics

[yuzuka-rei]

The Dark Affices: Lord of Shadows Analysis

(Unpopular opinions sorry+mostly criticism but the book is good, its just Imm irked by these points GAH ) I loved this book while reading it, the plot flowed well, the characters were quite lovable, but once I finished it- it felt like I had read nothing at all. The only feelings I had came from the whole situation with Kieran and Mark and Cristina, and that was just because I'm a total sucker for sad romances where one loves the other way more than they are loved back but ANYWAYS. (THE KIERARKTINA ANALYSIS IS NEAR THE END) Plot Villians Unseelie King Isn't even half as threatening or formidable of an archenemy as Sebastian Morgenstern, and that makes the whole story quite weak already Seelie Queen She's going to do something that will bite the shadowhunters in their arse the moment Julian gives him the Black Book. Predictable. She could've done way more manipulation on the others as well. Zara and the Cohort Everyone who fought in the way againt the Circle/Valentine is still alive. There is no way that within 10 years people who go back to wanting to brand downworlders and such. They remember the last time someone wanted to do that a massive war broke out and their relatives died. Also Zara is a two-dimensional character: her goal is weak, and she doesn't seem to have any human/likeable qualities. So she's a Regina-George-type character, made to be hated, but the Unseelie King has already taken that role. Repeat: Sebastian Morgenstern was a way better villian, since he had a single human quality: he wanted to be with his family, his sister and his brother. This brings us onto my next point Characters Both the villians and the heros both had very single-trait, non in-depth personalities, probably due to the amount of characters and arcs. Emma: too unflawed. Her emotions are quite simple throughout the book (there could've been great inner turmoil about whether she could give up being shadowhunter to love/protect Julian). She killed a rider too easily- making her seem to powerful. Julian: He was a pretty horrible person in this bk but in terms of character depth he's not too bad. He loves his family and would do anything for them and it's shown in a variety of ways. I've been comparing him to Cersei, since he's on the whole "family is most important" and "manipulation" thing. However, considering that he's practically been running the family, he should definitely sound less whiny and more mature. Cristina: I don't even know what to say. I can't even remember what you did apart from sing lullabies and be attached to Mark. Her lack of more personality sucks because Kieran keeps saying she's really nice and kind and stuff, but it's not that supported really. She could've contributed way more to the fantastic love triangle, by trying to actively push Mark away because she's seen how much Kieran loves him. Her selfishness here doesn't lone up with her wanting to end the Cold Peace for both faeries and shadowhunter's gain. Mark: I hate him and love him. Cassie made a good decision in making him quite the douchebag, not quite loving Kieran as much as he loves him and not caring enough about Kieran's feelings. But that makes him the most realistic of all characters: he feels regret since he's practically ditched Kieran the minute he didnt need him (I mean there's the whole "you made my brother and sister get tortured but you saved my other brother" thing which should've been Mark's excuse to himself about why he's not choosing Kieran, but he's doesn't and runs around with Cristina anyways. Interesting. Kieran: I love him to much to make any judgement. Also he's a faerie- they aren't exactly "humans" and their emotions are more 2D so... Ty: Better character compared to some others, and we now understand mildly how the twins and Kit work together as a team (since Kit needs to become one of the only people that understand Ty due to Liv's death) . Also his loyalty to family as seen by the letter to Annabel. Cassie has laid great groundwork for him. Can't wait for him to be a main character. Kit: He and Ty need potential to evolve in the next series so I'm giving them some slack. I'll do more analysis on their relationship later. Liv: She loves her brother and is curious about Kit and she's a generally more "realistic" character. Really thats it. I wish I felt tears for her death. I dont. Cassie could've developed her even more as a character, but then that would make her death more painful so. But her importance to Ty and the rest of the family is written enough that it would justify the changes that will happen due to her death. Dru: TBH Cassie could've not spread the characters out so much that we're kinda at a lost. Time spent writing about Dru could've been used on main-er characters, but Jaime needed an introduction. So did she. Looking forward to reading more about her in TWP. Diego: A character with multiple loyalties! Yay! Diana: It would've been way more influential if she had been forced by Julian to explain why she couldn't apply for the institute instead of dropping it like a "bonus" story which makes her seem like then token LGBT character. It's a great plot twist that couldn't have seemed even more forced. It's kinda sad that a brilliant character reveal was ruined Gywp: He's leader of the Wild Hunt and I know he's in love with Diana but he's not Magnus, who's always had nothing better to do than help hot shadowhunters. (Jkjk) Magnus/Alec/Jace/Clary: domestically cute and cameos that contribute to the main arcs. Now, onto the more controversial topics: THE ROMANCE Julian/Emma: This entire book is supposed to be about them balancing dealing for their love of each other with saving the world. It's written in a whiny way and not nearly enough character (If you've read the Throne of Glass series, then you'll understand- they needed the long-ass training scene between Aelin and Rowan). We never read about how they fall in love and that makes the emotions quite plastic...? It would've been fantastic to read more about how they fell in love instead of how they are insanely tortured now. It doesn't emotionally appeal to me at all. Cristina/Mark/Kieran: Words cannot express how much I fucking love this romance arc. It gives me so many feels, and half of them make me cry. I'll analyse Kierark first. When it first debuted it felt like the "token hot gay ship thats thrown in for the fangirls to get off to", but then as time passes we slowly learn how toxic this relationship really is. Kieran doesn't love anything else in this world apart from Mark, having no family, no friends to love him. Whereas with Mark, he's always been surrounded with love, with his half-brothers and sisters, Emma, Helen... etc. He doesn't understand how much he means to Kieran, and Kieran definitely loves Mark more. In the Wild Hunt, it's shown just how much Mark depended on Kieran to stay sane, which suggests, as Cristina says, that Mark owes a debt to Kieran. But it is not nearly that simple. Kieran's love for Mark is what kept him sane, and love is unconditional in most cases, including this. It is undeniable that Mark, despite him having the possibility of not being in love with Kieran when they first become lovers, due to it merely being what he needed, it is certain that Mark does feel for Kieran. Even when Kieran betrays Mark, Kieran believes it to only bring Mark back to him. I see someone so broken that they'd do anything to have their lover back, not a selfish bastard who doesn't cate about Mark at all. Kieran doesn't understand "Family", and in his defence the Blackthorns are a large enough family to survive without Mark. I'm not saying Kieran is entirely blameless, but its a totally understandable thing to want things to go back to how they used to be, and that is extremely human and ("I betcha you would have done the same"). Their love is insanely primitive and raw, and it is more of a "need" to both of them. Kieran needs someone to give him love, Mark needed someone to keep him sane. Then we move onto Mark. For some reason, the faerie-blooded characters seem to act the most human in this series. Mark is a bloody douche for stringing Kieran on, while pursuing Cristina, but then that's exactly what he craves. He needs someone to love him, in a simple way. He craves normality, and that comes in the form of Cristina, whom he finds himself attracted to, originally physical (he says he wants Cristina and that Kieran wouldn't mind: he was not emotionally attracted to Cristina. But now that he's spent time and realised how easy she is to love, he loves her). Kieran and Mark's relationship is not just sexual, or romantic, or friendship, or brotherhood- it's insanely complex and dependent and its toxic but they will never be able to remove the bond between them. They've experienced life and death together. But Mark doesn't want to be burdened by such a heavy emotional relationship anymore, and that's understandable, so he turns to Cristina. Kieran cannot bring himself to hate Cristina, since she wants the Cold Peace to end and that shows how much she cares for everyone and how she uncharacteristically wants to protect faerie rights despite being a shadowhunter. Cristina also oddly finds their relationship arousing instead of being jealous of Kieran, which leads to some of the fandom wishing for a polyamorous relationship. (Including me to an extent). On one hand Cristina could neutralise the toxicity of Kierark and also slowly teach Kieran to love other people, which would result in him not requiring the entirety of Mark's love. (Cuz currently, Kieran love mark with 100% of his heart and wants Mark to do the same. If Kieran loved other people it would be less toxic, since Mark does HAVE to share his love with his family even if Cristina is out of the picture ) On the other hand, it would be great for Kieran to find someone who will love him as much or even more than he loves them. The smol deserves more love in his life, don't you think? Also, I forgot to mention that Kieran does need to go back to the Wild Hunt, or he might become Unseelie King, and then Kierkark could actually be impossible, but I firmly believe they'll always love each other, maybe not as much as before, but they've left quite the imprint on each other's lives (The stars will go out before I forget you, Mark Blackthorn) Ty/Kit: LIKE THEY COMPLEMENT EACH OTHER SO WELL TY DOESN'T OPEN UP EASILY WHEREAS KIT DOES (he's already attached to the Blackthorns) And Kit is so much more outgoing and cool and GAH its a great ship looking SO forward to TWP. (Srsly I have so much hopes for TWP cuz in my opinion TDA is a bit of a weak arc and the only redeeming characters seem to be Mark's drama (I don't think we're going to see this in TWP I'm sad) Gwyp/Diana: super cute and deserves more love In conclusion: I love Cassandra Clare's style and how she can make character relationships insanely lovable. The fact that she always protects the characters all of us love from dying is great too. But @cassandraclare if you see this, please do consider these points made by a fangirl who is nitpicking a bit (I hope this series ends up as good as TID) for the greater good😂 (Also Diego/Kieran ain't too bad of a ship either😏😂) If you disagree with any of these, I am open to dicussions:) Just please don't blindly hate on this: all of us are entitled to opinions, you have yours and I have mine. Let's respect each other, okay?

[survivorathena-motunui]

Ep. 8:  Jury Duty and Lower Andes are the Real Threats ~ Drew

Anyway it flopped and backfired and Kevin went home and I hope he still likes me.

Here are my parting words. Fuck Ashley and Keegan (probably). The only people I can trust are Jay and my goddamn dog. Kevin out

Okay so I was at work all day and while that was going on Ashley caught on to Jay and Kevin possibly feeding info to Drew. Or at least that's what JD and LA said. So, they switched their votes to Kevin. Which after a quick discussion with Ashley 5 minutes before the votes were due, we agreed it's probably for the best. So Ashley, JD, LA and myself all voted for Kevin. And Jay got a self vote. So with that, Kevin went home. And he said he had an idol in his pocket. Moving forward, it looks like Ashley, JD, LA and myself are now working together, rather than the Wholesome Happening. Is this a good thing? That remains to be seen. But at the moment I'm safely in the majority. And LA, Drews highest target is still in the game, providing me with a bit of a meat shield. This is a crazy game and so much is going on .

That.... Was not exactly what I thought was going to happen tonight but another potential number for Drew is gone. Hopefully, if we can get him to NOT BE IMMUNE, then we could MAYBE get him out. We still need to be weary of the idols and whatever. RIP Kevin. Poor baby. 

I swear to God. In this game I am Spiderman.... You know. My spider senses are tingling.... Or Deadpool, he's Canadian and he had a moment of "my common sense is ringing" 

I am truly amazed that we made it through that round. Am I happy with the way that is upset Jay? Hell no. Do I care? In the game no I don't care, in real life yeah I care. I'm not kidding when I say that I adore Jay, I'm just hoping that she doesn't hold it against me. But I would like to add that one the flip side of that, after tribal, Ashley told me that that herself, Keegan, Jay and Kevin were all working together and they were planing on taking out LA so, that is a huge reason why I don't care (in game) that she's upset. She ended up self voting because she had a headache, fare. If I have a headache I don't want to be anywhere where I have to think. If nothing else she knew almost all day that I was looking at voting Kevin and her only argument agent it was that it was a bad idea. I don't wanna say that she staged her headache, but it came at a very perfect time to keep herself natural. if it was a plan it was a good one really, I mean me and Lori don't look at her any different. She was always a number for me rather or not I was going to go to the end with her. Anyway, I tried to get Drew to give me the Rainbow Idol today, I think I almost had it too but I think in the end he felt that LA was going to go home anyway and I was going to be bitter and I wouldn't have given it back. The real question was if I was actually going to give it back or not. IDK! Probably, unless he won the next challenge, then I would have held it hostage so I didn't get sent home with it. Or I would have tried to use it to send him home, I don't really know what it does so I'm also unsure what I would have done with it. So other then my big melt down that I am surprised didn't send me home, like why did they still vote for LA? If that was my group I would of had them switch the votes. like the first time Drew does not win immunity, I probs wont vote for him, might go for Jack instead. I really do need to send Lori home though, I can't go to the final with her other wise (if Jay is not with me) I can hear her question already and I don't think it would be good... Probably me to Lydia in my season. I was not the nicest person ever. I think that at this point everyone knows that I have an idol, I think that Kevin went home with one and Jack has the other one? Maybe, if I heard him right. Anyway, it wouldn't have mattered if Kevin had the idol or not, it really came down to Keegan and Ashley on that one, the only way that Kevin would have been comfortable enough  not to play it was if he knew he had the numbers. BTW AMANDA! That was a very long pause at tribal! Whos gonna play it... Probs because I ranted in the host chat about my metal struggles. Anyway.... I'm obsessed with this face so have another one: 

You wanna know how I feel about tonight? About my biggest ally and only real friend going home because of MY stupid ass plan? About being totally out of the loop with my allies? About everybody being angry at me and yelling at me in pm about how stupid and frustrating I am? About BEING as stupid and frustrating as I am? About spending two hours making a spreadsheet for the challenge and then fucking up after ten minutes even though I'm literally gonna go home without immunity?

I just fucked up in the challenge, I feel like I didn't make it high enough to win which sucks cause I'm pretty sure I needed to win this one. 

Kevin was voted out, and it's a good thing because it seems like he flipped which is what we were worried about.

Jay is upset though? I get it seems like we've all paired off but I can't go to ftc with JD and apparently she was using my name last round, its only a matter of time before one of us actually goes for the other.

I'm also unsure if Jay is really upset or playing us, which sounds terrible but people say she's a really good player and this would be a good move. I DON'T KNOW. I like Jay and don't want her upset but I also don't wanna be played, the struggle of this game.

The last thing is JD claims to have an idol now. Kevin said he had one too and someone already used an idol ? so I don't know.

Only thing I know is Drew needs to stop coming at me every tribal. 

I'm so sad. I miss Kevin. I don't trust JD and LA and I don't trust Drew even though he's being nice to me and Jack hates me and I'm assuming Keegan and Ashley don't like me because they never talk to me. I know I'm objectively in an okay position because I'm still in the middle, but I'm tired of the middle. I'm mad at the initials and I'm sad. 

So Lori said she flipped this challenge with 40 bundles. I'm hoping this turns out like post every ten minutes challenge cus she thought she flipped that one too. I've got 61 so if she flipped then I really didn't do that great ether. 

Okay 110th confession today. Time for a classic Jay B confession. Anyone who's hosted me knows. It's the confession where I decide it's time to go balls to the wall. To really go for it in the game and stop giving a fuck. So that's the plan. Drew has one of the most crackedt plans I've ever heard up his sleeve, and I live for it. Everyone who's wronged me can vote for me at the end. Everyone left in the game (besides Jack hi) has done better than me in any game I've ever played. I deserve better. Fuck everyone except me. Villain Jay is coming out to play. She's back. She's in. She's going to kill everyone. I don't care. Goodbye.

Still unsure about where Jay really stands and JD needs to go, jfc. At this point it feels like she's running the game, along with Keegan and Ashley. I don't wanna suggest blindsiding Keegan right now because I think Jay will flip when we do but idk. I also have to work soon so I can't plot for long. fsdghriuhdfgdf. 

So! Here's the tea! The tea, besides the fact that I'm going to win, is that I'm with Jack and Drew. Basically, I really really feel like the initials have been playing me this entire game. Love them to death, really, but. Well. JD put my position into perspective when she told me the plan for tonight (hers is 3 on jack, 2 on drew, supposedly) and said "Ashley and Keegan are already on board with it." Look JD, if ashland and kegels are your f4, you need to be way more subtle. If you're making me choose between being #5 in one alliance and #3 in another, it's probably better for me to be #3. I'm the only person who doesn't have an f2, so all I have is to pray that this season is an f3 and stick with the people who can get me there. If I could get the initials to go for Keegan or Ashley tonight instead of drack, that would be ideal, but if they won't, then I'm definitely done voting with them. So there's what's happening, confessional gods. ________________________________________________________________ Update I just had the ugliest realization of my life. My best chance to win. Is. To go with. Keegan and Ashley.

I'm dying tonight. Or rather, I truly hope I am not dying tonight, but I am more than willing to put myself at risk to follow my gut. I've been holding onto the hope that one day Alley and Kieran would see reason. That Jury Duty and Lower Andes are the real threats, they're the only ones who can beat each other. And every time, both of them have turned against me, Ashland especially. Jack-O-Lantern Designs literally has immunity and a hidden immunity idol, and a best friend in Legal Analysis. On the flip side, Laser Attention has the battered player syndrome of having to survive being targeted so long to get to the end. IT'S INSANE TO STICK WITH THEM. And yet Geaken and Halsey seem to be perfectly fine with either 2nd and 3rd, or 3rd and 4th, or 4th and 5th. So I've given up on them. Tonight, Jay has been told in her alliance chat with Jefferson Davis and Lily Aldrin that the vote is going to split 3-2-2, to prepare for my idol. She says they're leaning toward 3 on Jack and 2 on me, because the majority of idol possibilities, minus the topaz idol, would still leave them with some form of revote possibilities. I do have the topaz idol, but I feel like that's completely irrelevant. I'm not playing it on myself. They lied to Jay about voting for Kumquat after Steven, and then they lied again to send Kevin home. I don't trust this plan is real, I can't for even a second, because I don't think they're gonna go with a plan that leaves them that vulnerable. So the topaz idol is being played on Jay B tonight. She doesn't know it. Jack doesn't know it. No one knows it but me. And I suppose now you as well, dear readers. But I genuinely believe that their four are going to vote for Jay and blindside her and get me to flush my idol, and they'll all be fine. They'd still have to contend with me, but they'd have four strong. Anyway I guess if this is my last episode, it's a really good bookend to my Athena journey. My first game, I got sent home because of an idol, because I didn't follow my gut and got it played on the wrong person. This season, if I go, it's not because I sat here trying to protect my own interests. It's because I followed my gut to its logical conclusion and gave myself the potential for keeping my best chance of making it to the end. I hope I'm right, I hope I'm not buying myself 7th place, I hope I'm still here tomorrow, but I'm okay with this. This feels right.

Apparently JD/LA/Keegan/Ashley are splitting votes on me and Drew? Unless they're lying, then probably they're all voting Jay. We're gonna try to vote for Ashley I think? My only chance at making ftc is to look confused, which... isn't very hard.

So it's a double tribal sort of tonight. Tribal, challenge, tribal. All within a single night. RIP. So JD is spewing out all these scenarios and ideas for how we should vote and I guess it's fallen into 3 votes for Drew and 2 votes for Jack. Honestly though I think that's a waste. Drew has that rainbow idol and I can 100% guarantee he's playing it tonight, so why throw so many votes on him when we know they'll be negated? But it's JD's plan so when it fails and LA is likely voted out, we can push the blame onto her. Which is fine. I think Ashley and I are in a pretty good spot. We've got LA and JD as one alliance and then another with Jay. As long we don't get votes sent towards us for either of these tribals we'll be golden. If we vote out Drew or Jack at the first tribal, it could be best for Ashley and myself to then flip it around and vote out LA or JD. We need to keep ourselves on the top. 

So this day has been interesting. I'm now at the point where I'm betting my idol to people that I'm not sure if I even want to go into the end with. I'm so unsure if I want Ashley and Keegan with me or not because I feel like they just know more people and those people could very easily asssume that they did all the stuff and I just came along for a ride. I would be the 3ed, there is no way around that but I don't wanna be the 3ed. But I can't make a move on then yet because without them I don't have the numbers. Okay so the day started with me at work going over ..... Wait maybe I should go back a little father. Like day before yesterday, when Kevin got voted out the 'i killed and eel, I buried it's guts' alliance started but I wasn't a huge fan of it cus I like Kevin and I feel like he was the eel. I want to say that maybe we shouldn't have voted him out but there was no other way, during that vote it was clear that he had flipped on us so he had to go. So anyway, I told them I'd go to the final with them. I mean if everyone thinks i have finals with everyone else then I might as well do it. Can't have people thinking that I do t want to go with them but that is go with the rest of the tribe. Earlier me and Keegan had worked out a plan to vote 3votes for drew, 2 votes for Jack and 2 votes for whoever they vote for. I worked though 4 possibilities. And only 1 has any real negative on them because of the possibility of all vote to Drew turning into votes for the person Drew votes for. So whoever him and Jack vote for will end up with like... Enough votes to go home. In my mind that is LA, the only reason he would have to change his vote is of he knows I have the idol and that I am playing it on her. Which I'm not and jay say she didn't tell him so there should be no reason to change the vote. And I louse my alliance member. 2. Top two votes are safe and in a 2-2-3 with LA, Jack, and Drew. They are all save and then we would have a re-vote (or maybe Amanda will take us right to rocks to save time but I didn't tell them that one) 3. Drew's idol can be played after the vote which, as far as I know has not been done before so idk if Amanda would put it in a second chance season. But if that's a thing then there would be a toe and a re-vote and goodbye jack 4. Most unlikely and now near impossible. Jack and drew uses idols and LA goes home. But Jack said he hasn't been to the reef I a long time. That being said I don't think he'd have been able to get the idol, the rainbow idol. He's just too.... Not into it I guess. But what better what to hide it then to to have your alliance member say they have it and then play dumb. Anyway, me and Keegan bother got the beginning idols, Kevin might have gotten the one after merge andif jack hasn't been to the reef in a wheelchair he wouldn't have gotten the one Keegan had used. So it was set that we would do a 3drew, 2jack vote. But now it's all kinds of fucked up. In 100% sure that Keegan and Ashley are flipping while I am saying this. They are probs gonna promise not to vote for drew and they will probs vote for jay. Because they don't trust her and if they find out that drew isn't using her then why keep her and I have immunity and an idol. I could use my idol on jay, assuming that my gut is telling the truth and they are flipping. My guy has very rarely been wrong and if that is all the case then idoling Jay is the best move. But at the same time I'm just like... Jay thinks that drew is convinced that she is with him. But ready... If he took jay over Keegan and Ashley then he wouldn't really have the numbers. It's going to be one hell of a night and we'll see what happens.