#it’s official: im gonna love this live-action forever

[purplemoonabove]

Best way to start of Pride Month? Watch The Little Mermaid.

You know, that story about a girl who wants to know more about a world that she’s forbidden to be a part of, but when after rescuing a life opposite to hers and wanting to take the chance to go further lengths in becoming part of the new world, she would do anything to get it, even for a price?

Kind of familiar to you? In a personal sense?

It should. Since this story, from what I gathered by an outside source, was based of an idea, a love between two men. One who fell in love with another, but have a forbidden, one-sided love — separated by two worlds. (Hint. Hint.) Hence the mermaid idea – or in this case, merman.

Not to mention that composers of the community were actually placing their own emotions into the songs here in the film, as well in Beauty and the Beast from what I gathered from a previous video, increasing the point. (I forgot the title but I know it involves an analyzation of the Webtoons comic, Boyfriends, on how it sucked.)

But it’s a lot more than that.

At least to me, personally — it’s not just learning of a new world, it’s also learning a new world of yourself:

Being stuck “under the sea” (your comfort zone) all your life.

Wanting to be “part of that world” (doing things that benefits you than for others).

Going out to do anything for your “poor unfortunate soul” (taking a dead-end job for payments; dealing with declines and loss; stressing out to be perfect which can also take a lot of your health)…

Funny how I realized the latter point after seeing it again today.

No wonder I cried during Halle’s Part of Your World. It wasn’t just the voice, which I totally admire and love, mind you.

Being a writer means I need to read. Choosing to read expands my mind. Expanding my mind helps me understand things quicker, not just in vocabulary. And from listening to the lyrics, it wasn’t just Ariel’s story wanting to be in the human world — it’s for all of us, wanting to live the lives we want.

I love the animated film, as it is the reason why this life-action happened. But the live-action went a lot deep. For everyone, not just the children of today.

I went to the movies after work to see again, just to fulfill my happiness on loving it so much. Now, it gave me purpose. Realization. Understanding for myself and what I want now that I’m an adult.

I’m truly thankful for this film.

I’m gonna cry twice every time I watch it—no lie. Happened the first time; happened again today, and at the same moments 😂

And it’s just became a new inspiration for me: I want to be part of my world – the world of becoming a writer, an author, to my own storytelling, to share and love with others no matter how big or small. And despite how much it would cost me, I know it’ll be worth it in the end.

I hope the same feelings goes out to anyone reading this. Happy Pride Month, and I hope you’ll be part of your own worlds, too 😊❤️

[abigail-nicole]

tgcf liveread 11

being part 11 of live-readthrough of TGCF Tian Guan Ci Fu Heaven Official's Blessing, officially licensed in english translation here, buy it. the twitter thread I kept returning to because keeping memories of the first time you read something you love is important! You never get the chance to read a book for the first time except once. this is a tautology but also like, savor it, which I did with this livetweet. originally tweeted 4/2/2020:

bring down the tax brackets of the whole Neighborhood he xuan. Lolol

I love Ruoye so much

I have very little to say a lot the action scenes here except it’s so lovely to see hualian supporting each other in battle

Ahhhhh I had feelings about qi rong is he finally gone?????? No?????????!!!!!

Im so invested but so sleepy anyway TOMORROW with Chapter 229 Adroit Dice. I also love reading things in translation because when’s the last time you read the word adroit? Translating is fascinating for word choice & authorial intent. Anyway hualian forever gnite

But in general, in tgcf: xie lian is like *shocked emoji* and hua cheng is like *smirk emoji*

A) hua cheng dragging all the martial gods followed Immediately by B) shi qingxuan dragging pei ming specifically

Boyfriend & Uncle united in dislike of blockhead friend

this IS ominous, especially since it’s the first time in 878990000000 words that hua cheng ever rolled poorly, and a very clever way to signal to the audience that Shit’s About To Get Real

The phrase: “Mu Qing was certainly behaving oddly”

my brains: RED ALERT: PROB JUN WU INDISGUISE DO NOT TRUST!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is another great signifier that Shit’s About To Go Down, & emotionally, because all our associations of E’ming (& therefore Hua Cheng) being upset are emotional not physical danger. because there is so little that could physically endanger Hua Cheng

also everytime xie lian pets e’ming im subconsciously screaming BUT EVERYONES WATCHING ARE YOU REALLY GONNA TIUCH HIS DICK RIGHT HERE LOLOL “strokes the hilt” mxtx did this on purpose

Feng Xin being like “ugh stop being so in love ugh gross”

wait....the 33 heavenly officials who mocked xie lian in book 4... SAME 33 HUA CHENG DEFEATED??? He takes carrying petty grudges to a new level i LOVE it

Hua Cheng shattering a sword with one hand: sexy

Everyone blaming mu qing immediately: hilarious

Xie Lian deciding not to solve all his problems with self harm & suicide: that’s GROWTH

also lol @ feng xin here

Using dead bodies as surfboards on a river of lava: creative, structually unsound, implausible, & also a hilarious visual

Hua Cheng and unconditionally supporting his partner I’m melting into the floor

An endless broken bridge over a river of lava is both metaphorically & literally doing a lot of heavy lifting here

Lolol @ xie lian roasting mu qing TWICE here

This is an interesting bit of insight. Most of this is very Shown Not Told in the text and this is the first time Xie Lian has acknowledged these things aloud to us. the Xian Le trio relationship taking on all cadences and nuances over a thousand years, every friend/enemy/annoyance/worship/dislike permutation

oh no n I’m having Feelings about Mu Qing!!

feeeeeelings !!!!!! also the phrase “bones dissolving into air” v cool

Ruoye, who before had been able to stretch exactly as long as needed.... still stretches exactly as long as needed to CREATE DRAMATIC TENSION Lololol

I really thought there’d be more sex in this book. Like........any sex

Inner sailor scouts here 600% mu qing & feng xin as mars & venus

soft <3<3<3 melting

HEART IN THROAT

HUA CHENG MISSING???? IN DANGER???? INJURED????

Xie Lian holding his breath so he won’t have to hear how close he is to crying oh my god my tiny heart cant take it

Mu Qing & Feng Xin commenting offhand about how much xie lian loves hua cheng makes me explode into silver butterflies

ANIME FIGHT ANIME FIGHT WHAT A BEAUTIFUL ANIME FIGHT!!!

Hua Cheng, the only one who could’ve been a god & chose to be a ghost king. What a hipster. Heaven is too mainstream, too country club for Our Goth King

Literally they got the final boss down to 50% health and it changed forms & restored its HP

well OKAY FINE EXCUSE ME WHILE I GO PICK MY HEART OUT OF THE SHREDDER

"The one basking in infinite glory is you; the one fallen from grace is also you. What matter is 'you', and not the state of you. No matter what's happened in the past, I will never leave you. You can tell me anything." .... "You told me this yourself."

A LOT OF WORK DONE BY THESE TWO SENTENCES HERE!!!!

IVE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED FOR A CHAPTER TITLE

my BABY my CHILD my FAVORITE WEAPON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUOYE!!!!!!!!!

This is the best anime series finale I’ve ever seen

BIG tw cw for abusive dad jun wu

.......continued next time on tgcf liveread part 12

[aymethyst]

Ok ashoka series premiere thoghtsTM

-ashoka is a not a jedi knight. Not sure why it says in the scroll title but im glad she even mentions she left as a padawan and never officially finished training, and that makes sense others still call her otherwise bc even in Clone Wars series many still called her a jedi either out of habit or respect or simply not knowing better and bayalan doesnt seem to know better (but interesting that he feels some way about having to end her)

-def think sabine is Not a jedi and glad they didnt have her be force sensitive, shes an apprentice not a padawan unlike Shin (who even has the braid) sabine has a lot of skills but could still use some guidance ig is the point

-def all the characters felt off but that could just be casting(why does ezra look so old, just me?)/live action/not the same voices after seeing the animation for so long. Tho i admit some acting was uh a little flat (the fake sleep twitching oh my god im sorry what was that) not sure if its also growing pains of just the show starting up and finding jt place too or something else

-LOVE that they brought back the dathomir sisters tho that might save the plot tbh?? Bc sabine pretending she didnt solve the jedi temple cave painting with the three figures and like it was all something knew kinda had me reeling tho now knowing its a witches artifact kinda helps

-plot wise im trying rlly hrd to get behind everyone being so separate now tho technically i can see how losing TWO family members jn such a short time can push people apart i hope when theyre all together again they have that same chemistry that they did in Rebels bv the plot itself is very mediocre bc obviously we want ezra back but why is that gonna be a big part of Ashoka’s journey and not just rebels s5? Guess well have to see

-ill just say it but they better not overplay out thrawn like fucking palpatine living forever and pls make him just as evil and devious in the same ways bc thats what makes him interesting…

-where the owl at

-honestly only thinf standing out still is the whole dathomir sister plot and mystery of shin the padawan(?) but I hope it brings a lot more

[raspbeyes]

Ignorance Is Bliss: Gonta's Tragic Fall To Killer

edit: THIS IS VERY LONG I'M VERY SORRY I DID NOT INTEND FOR IT TO BE THIS LONG LMAOOO (ig i really like talking about gonta)

i suggest reading it in parts if it helps im so sorry -___-;;

Some of my own biases first

Before I get into anything, I’ll just state my biases here hehe. I freaking love Gonta and I’m not writing this to bash him, I sobbed and still sob over trial 4 of Danganronpa V3 and it is by far one of my favorite trials in the franchise. He is such an amazing character who I adored every moment he was on screen and DAMMIT I WISH HE WAS ALIVE HE DESERVED NONE OF THIS (i’m gonna go cry in the corner now)

BUT … Kokichi is also my favorite character of the series. I can ramble on forever about why I love this character, but just know that I think he is both a fascinating and entertaining character throughout the game who I can spend hours trying to analyze. 

However, I do not at all defend this little bastard’s actions in the game … Well no more than I think is necessary (For example, I do believe his emotional response during the trial and before Gonta’s execution, as well as his hatred for the killing game were all genuine). But it may be possible that I can be biased so sorry if some conclusions I draw may be due to Kokichi being my favorite character coloring my perception. But don’t take this as me tryna push the blame all off Kokichi and onto Gonta. More like tipping the scales a bit more to the middle (Though it is more leaning as Kokichi to being the guilty party lol) to shed light on the gray area that I feel went untouched in the story and fanbase. Moreover, I really want to go in-depth about how Gonta's character arc is set up and how taking in all of Gonta's actions leading up chapter four, it makes full sense why he agreed to Kokichi's plan.

Now onto this essay (Idk how long this is even gonna be … im worried) (update from future me … oh dear … I have created a monstrosity -___-;;)

A little refresher and me babbling about why I love this trial

So … One of the most deciding chapters in the game, trial 4 by far is one of my favorite chapters on an emotional level, spiraling the story into the craziness of chapter 5 with the amount of pressure it puts onto everyone involved. Yes, there is Gonta and Kokichi - I’ll get to them ofc - but it also officially causes the schism between the workout trio’s dynamic, with Shuichi taking a reluctant stand against the extreme belief Kaito has been peddling all game, siding with the asshole of this whole situation. It is the make-it-or-break-it chapter for a whole lot of people for so many reasons, with the rivalry of Kaito and Kokichi - and their respective ideals - ramping up to a toxic level as the fanbase itself will grow decisive over the justifications of both characters. You will get Kaito haters saying how he is stubbornly ignorant throughout the trial, hindering and in a sense, endangering the lives of everyone by fighting for Gonta’s behalf. Meanwhile Kokichi haters will point out the contradictory actions Kokichi takes along with the millions of loathsome things he spews out by the end, all onto of making Gonta the patsy. (Though, at the end of the day, I love both of these characters a lot … ughhh liking Kaito and Kokichi at the same time is painful) 

Then there’s the dramatic reveal of Kaito’s illness to the rest of the group, breaking a sense of security in the group after already being dealt a blow to morale. Then there is the hint of the horrors of the outside world that pushed Gonta to kill. With prior knowledge of the games, more clues to the endgame revealed is dropped here in chapter four.

Not to mention the emotional gut punch of just .. Gonta, the gentle giant who only wants to protect everyone, who is forced into a situation where he must come to terms with something so heinous for him that he does not even have memory of doing. Major props to the voice of Gonta (both English and Japanese) to bringing me to tears everytime, as well as Kokichi and Kaito’s VAs delivering extreme performances as the two characters clash. By the end of the chapter, the characters and audience are distraught as the comedic relief of Miu and Gonta have their lives ended in tragic ways. The contrast between the group’s unity after Kiyo’s trial to the end of Gonta’s trial is night and day. All in all, this chapter juggles so many dramatic beats excellently and AHHH RIGHT RIGHT I’M MEANT TO ANALYZE THIS NOT RECAP WHOOPS THIS CHAPTER IS SO GOOD

I: Why ‘Personality Change’ Inherently Makes This Trial Dumber

However, my issue lies in how even the story seems to simplify the complexity of Gonta’s actions. The prime example of the story watering down Gonta’s actions is during Shuichi’s closing argument segment in which he theorizes that Gonta may have had his personality changed during the avatar error to explain his actions. 

“Maybe the cord affected the avatar’s personality … because I still can’t believe that such a kindhearted person willingly killed someone” 

Now, yes, there is reason to doubt this conclusion in the text itself: With Shuichi having his own biases, the group not knowing of the motive yet, and this personality change never being brought before during the trial, it can be assumed it’s only Shuichi’s speculation and not factual. 

BUT WHY DID THE WRITERS/CREATORS LEAVE THE LINE IN? Personally, as much as there should be doubt put on the statement, Shuichi is the protagonist, so what he says will be taken as the truth as players would assume that is what the writers want you to believe. So, I will be arguing under the pretense that this line is meant to be taken seriously, as I am sure that a good chunk of people came away from this trial under the impression that Gonta killed due to a personality alteration. 

We don’t get to see a lot of Gonta in the virtual world - well no more than the others - so whatever few lines there are must count for a lot. 

(Though I’d say one actual plausible shred of evidence pointing to a personality change is the fact Gonta is the last one to speak upon entering the virtual world, being oddly silent for the first 3-ish minutes of the start of the virtual world segment. But I think I can dispel that with just the avatar error causing memory issues or Gonta getting acquainted with the world.)

Now Gonta’s first concern upon entering is his lack of strength, saying the following when he is told strength is equalized: 

“N-no! If Gonta not strong, Gonta no can protect everyone!” 

So far, it is in line with Gonta’s personality, with the first thing he thinks of is his ability to protect others. Of course he would be concerned if he cannot help them with his strength. I believe if you choose to chat Gonta up for the optional dialogue during these scenes, he would be upset he wouldn’t be able to protect everyone. All of which are in line with his character up to that point (I’ll get into that later), so him exhibiting that great anxiety is not OOC for him. Gonta’s first priority is to help and to believe he is stripped of that already makes him nervous. Not because of a personality change, but because that is how he is as a character.

Ah, let’s get to the moment Gonta officially screwed himself over. When Kokichi is about to leave for the forest, Gonta volunteers to follow Kokichi:

“Gonta not understand what’s going on. Gonta not sure how helpful he can be … But Gonta can watch Kokichi so he not do anything weird!” 

And as Gonta is about to leave, he assures the group: 

“It’s okay! Leave it to Gonta! Gonta keep eye on Kokichi!”

Once again, I do believe this is not Gonta acting out of character either. As I said earlier, Gonta now believes he has nothing to help his friends, so first thing he will do is find a way to help everyone that is not regarding his strength. So he offers himself up to do the ‘dirty’ work of keeping an eye on the brat, Kokichi. So in these scenes where Gonta is under no influence such as despair, he acts completely like the Gonta we know and love. Anything after this will be disqualified as he would be in despair (“A despair that makes you want to die” as Kokichi explains) so his morose sprites can be explained away by that.  In the Danganronpa universe, despair can be such an intense feeling that it can change the way a person acts. We see that with Kokichi after he swiped the key card (Acting even more antagonistic) and with Gonta, acting more reserved and nervous. And hey, can you blame them? They did just recall the memory that everything they have been fighting for is a lie and everybody they love is dead :))

But hey, "a personality change can’t be too apparent during these early scenes. Otherwise the clue to who had the avatar error would be given away very easily." So … What about the times the audience/characters are not privy to? Surely that is the time to demonstrate Gonta acting out of character to prove the personality change. Hmm … If only there was a flashback to something like that - OH RIGHT WE GET A FLASHBACK TO THE MOMENT OF THE CRIME DURING THE POST-TRIAL. Let’s see what ‘alter-ego’ Gonta says as he does the unthinkable. 

First thing Gonta says as he ambushes Miu is: 

“S-Sorry …! Gonta so sorry …!”

Gonta does not take any uncharacteristic joy or apathy from this action, instead apologizing first thing without hesitation. If there was a personality change, have him be silent, not saying anything to Miu as she dies. But no, during a scene in which the audience only sees after the verdict, Gonta acts like how Gonta would in this situation, spluttering out apologies right away. 

Of course, Kokichi, wanting to distance himself away from the violence, turns away and explains: 

“Don’t be sorry, Gonta. She was trying to kill me, too. She said it was for the world or whatever, but that was just a poor excuse. We’re doing this to stop the vicious cycle of misery! So you don’t need to apologize.”

Kokichi and Gonta should be on a similar enough wavelength here, since Gonta agreed to Kokichi’s plan after all. And here Kokichi is, giving Gonta the justification he would need to explain away the deed (and probably something Gonta agrees with). 

Except, even as Miu falls to the ground, Gonta weakly still tries to object: 

“B-But … but …! Ergh … nrgh …! Gonta sorry! Gonta so sorry, Miu!”

This final bit dialogue here is the nail in the coffin to the possibility of Gonta not having a personality change to me. Even though he is partnering up with Kokichi here and should agree with what Kokichi is saying, Gonta still defies Kokichi’s command to not apologize, continuing to do so in distress. He felt no joy, only misery, even when he did agree to this plan. (And as I will argue later, Gonta did willingly choose to do this.) But like normal Gonta, Gonta in the virtual world is extremely torn, even after the deed is done. 

Once again, the writers had the opportunity here to write Gonta acting differently to demonstrate the personality change. Have him explain to Miu about how “Gonta needs to do this. Gonta no can let Miu to continue this violence.” (So essentially, what Kokichi is saying). If they chose that as his dialogue instead, that would be OOC for him. It would come across off as if Gonta believes he knows better than Miu, similar to how Kokichi views himself in this situation. It would make this ‘alter-ego’ Gonta think he knows better than others, solidifying the supposed personality change.

But the writers don’t do that. Because Gonta never thinks he is smarter than the others. Gonta is unsure of himself to the very end of the line, and even after committing the crime, he kneels on the ground and weeps. This decision pains Gonta greatly and not something he took lightly. He completely ignores Kokichi’s reasoning here, choosing to apologize nevertheless, knowing he is in the wrong. Yes, I am sure he believed he was doing the ‘right’ thing and agreed with Kokichi on a conceptual level to the plan. But in that moment, Gonta is aware of how wrong his action is. Just like normal Gonta. As such, there is literally zero evidence to Gonta acting OOC to elicit the possibility of a personality change during any part of the virtual world. 

So then why? 

Why put this contradictory line in there? It can be said that it was just a theory Shuichi made up, and it doesn’t matter anymore since the motive is explained post-trial. But it is still just unnecessary and muddies Gonta’s character in the long run. Personally, my theory is that it is there as a safeguard measure to dispel any doubt in the player’s mind of Gonta’s actions. Once again, I will explain why I think Gonta is totally capable to killing, but upon first viewing, I’m pretty sure a good amount of players (including me!) would see this as an extreme heel-face turn for Gonta’s character (Cue Kaito saying “I STILL BELIEVE IN GONTA” lol). So to alleviate that criticism, the writers snuck in the possibility that Gonta was under some external influence to explain it away. Is it backed up by the story? No … Does it overall weaken the trial with its inclusion? Yes … But it does quickly offer an easy explanation to skeptics of Gonta being the killer. 

But it only ruins the trial. The purpose of the avatar error/memory loss is solely for Gonta to have a ‘defense’ (Let’s be honest, if Gonta remembered, he’d be so obvious unfortunately) and twists the knife for the reveal.

And why does this error occur? All cuz Gonta is left-handed and doesn’t know his left and right apart. I … don’t love this (Since it once again casts Gonta as someone who is incompetant to not know his left and right) but I am willing to accept it since the effect of this mistake is dramatic and heartbreaking for everyone (Kokichi’s outburst, Gonta’s denial and realization, Kaito’s stubborn defense, etc etc). 

But when you add the personality change layer to it, it drags the entire trial down with it. If Gonta took the plunge due to this ‘personality change’, then that would mean it is all because he switched up the cords. So … if what Shuichi believes is true, THE WHOLE REASON MIU DIED WAS CUZ GONTA WAS LEFT-HANDED AUGHHH. It makes this whole entire thing become ten times stupider. Not only does it make this trial shallower and the death more preventable, it ruins Gonta’s character, making him look both idiotic for making such a silly mistake and diminishes his agency in his morally dubious actions during the chapter. Instead of allowing Gonta actually challenge the viewers’ perception of him as completely pure, the writers take the easier route of writing it off as ‘personality change’. Yes, it is tragic but a whole lot less compelling. I dislike that it makes Gonta become a one-dimensional character who is the pinnacle of good. And I’m saying this as someone who adores Gonta! But I want Gonta to be treated like a human, and I want to have my perception of him challenged, flaws and all. I feel like chapter 4 had the chance to do so, but could not fully commit to it, leaving a good chunk of the fanbase shoving all the blame onto Kokichi and making Gonta lack any of the agency in his own dang story. So when analyzing chapter 4, I will look at it under the reasoning that Gonta is acting completely like himself, even under the influence of despair. 

II: Gonta’s Character: A Tragic Fall 

“Gonta Idiot”

I’m just gonna say it: Gonta is smart as shit, or at the very least, he’s on par with most people in his class in terms of cognitive thought. As much as I do love Gonta’s caveman talk in the localization (Idk, I personally find it endearing and adorable), it does him dirty in terms of how general English speaking audiences will view him. It makes him come across as considerably ‘behind’ everyone compared to his portrayal in the Japanese version of the game (Where he speaks normally, just in third person like some other characters in the franchise i.e Tenko and Ibuki). Even though he literally was able to grasp language and become an Ultimate after being isolated from humanity for 10 years! It is impressive how quickly Gonta must’ve adapted to get to where he is now.  However, being isolated for so long has its negative effects, stunting Gonta in terms of language and his gullibility. 

To get language out of the way first, I feel like just because Gonta cannot fully communicate the extent of his thinking, it does not make him inferior to others in terms of reasoning. He is shown during trial 1 to be capable of making logical arguments about why he cannot be the culprit (After the joke about finding an alibi, Gonta reasons how he should have been spotted if he left the AV room). Then during trial 2, he was able to determine Kirumi’s rope trick regarding how she constructed the ropeway. I don’t think people should take Gonta’s inability to communicate fully as a reflection of his intelligence. He is shown to be competent like everyone else and grasps the situation he is in … outside of a few gags stemming from his gullibility. Speaking of which …

Guilbility does not equate to incompetence, but it is something Gonta falls short on. Most definitely from his many years of isolation in the forest (And judging from what he said about his childhood, he likely was isolated from children his age from the very start), Gonta does not have the experience to fully grasp the motivation behind what others tell him, leading him to get roped into Kokichi and Angie’s schemes. However, I don’t think his gullibility plays as much of a factor in any of the things he supposedly gets ‘tricked’ into doing via Kokichi. With a less severe example, the Insect Meet and Greet is usually the incident most people point to as Gonta’s gullibility leading to disaster. But if you go to either Kokichi or Gonta’s second free time event, Shuichi would be interrupting their little ‘strategy meeting’.

When prompted in the second FTE in chapter 2, Gonta will say:

“Oh! Shuichi! You here to help Gonta think of way to get everyone to trade motives?”

(Also, I find it so funny how Shuichi interrupts their meetings together during chapter 2 twice, so whenever you want to hang out with one of them during chapter 2, you gotta shove yourself into their discussion. idk I’m such a sucker for Gonta and Kokichi being friends … ugh chapter 4 emotionally wrecks me everytimeeee …) 

It is interesting that Gonta is well aware of why Kokichi wanted Gonta’s help, and shows that, even before chapter 4, he has been on board with Kokichi’s plans of his own volition. Without the FTE, the story makes it appear Gonta was completely strung along blindly by Kokichi. Yes, it is likely that Kokichi realized that the best way to get everyone in a group is to tell Gonta they all hate bugs. But it seemed Gonta was thinking hard of some plans with Kokichi beforehand with the goal of showing everyone the motive videos.

And yet, even though Gonta demonstrates having the same understanding as everybody else, how come everyone is convinced that he is too incompetent to make his own decisions? Well, it definitely doesn’t help that Gonta is usually the first one to criticize his intelligence before anyone else, having been completely convinced of his inferiority even before entering the Ultimate Academy. 

Idk but to me, I feel like Gonta’s constant over-critical view of himself is often overlooked and never fully addressed by anybody else in the cast. It is depressing to me that nobody had ever truly noticed how these thoughts influence Gonta’s actions, and the longer they were left unaddressed, the more they festered. I believe that it is this feeling of incompetence that pushed Gonta to kill. Not some personality change, but Gonta’s own character flaw finally coming into fruition. Where characters like Shuichi and Maki have developed over the course of the game into better characters, there are tragic characters like Gonta who fall due to their tragic flaw. It is his self-loathing that I think is the cause of his descent and drive to enact the plan in chapter 4.

I mean, his final line in the whole game is:

“Gonta is so sorry … for being stupid!”

Ughhh … It hurts smmmmm he deserved none of this, especially that brutal execution :(

(The disrespect of the writers paying off Monophanie’s weird incest baby side plot during Gonta’s exectuion smh … the disrespect makes me so upset … at least his execution music is a bop) 

Yes, technically that is Alter Ego Gonta’s final line, but like I argued previously, I believe that is essentially Gonta. And in Gonta’s final moments, he believes he has truly failed everyone due to his persistent feelings of inadequacy. He feels both stupid for the plan forcing him past a moral breaking point in killing Miu and that he could not even complete the plan correctly. (I’m sobbing over the fact this is the final line for him T___T)

However, these final words almost parallels Gonta’s introduction during the prologue, showing that this descent in his character had hints dropped from the start.

As Kaede walks up to Gonta for the first time, she mentions feeling a bit unnerved, and the first-time players may also have the expectation that Gonta would be an intimidating musclehead judging from his huge physique. Maybe like a Nekomaru/Sakura kind of character.

Until…

“... Hm? Oh! Thank you!”

[Kaede] “Huh? Thank you?”

“Oh! Sorry for scaring! Gonta scary-looking. Most people not wanna talk to Gonta when meeting for first time. So, like gentleman, Gonta say thank you! Thank you for talking to Gonta!”

AHHHH MY HEART MY GUY IS LITERALLY THANKING KAEDE FOR EVEN TALKING TO HIM WHY IS HE SO SWEET (sorry sorry, I’m already distracted)!!

But right away, Gonta’s first act is to apologize for his appearance - Almost like he comes full circle, Gonta’s first bit of dialogue is him apologizing for scaring Kaede and the last thing he says is an apology for failing everyone. 

Anyway, Gonta apologizes based on his perception that he looks scary, something he (accurately) assumed Kaede felt. So apologetic that he even thanks Kaede for even talking to him. As explained later during his introduction, Gonta has always been called scary at a young age, so his negative concept of himself is already well in-grained into him. So Gonta from the start has a very poor self-image of himself. It is why he constructs the goal of being a ‘gentleman’ something he reflects his ideals onto. 

As stated in third FTE:

“Gentleman behave like like a gentleman! Kind, earnest, refined, polite … Oh, and gentleman always treat lady with respect. That very important”

He does go on to list some other attributes, which are more so based on the people he looks up to than the definition of gentleman, but his goal remains the same. Gonta is constantly striving for a perfect standard, which for anyone, is impossible. Gonta has this pillar of perfection (Which he already is ofc >///<) that he constantly compares himself to. Though played off as a joke, during this same free time event, when he mentions other ‘traits’ of a gentleman, such as saying clever things and solving mysteries, that are clearly based around his classmates. It shows how Gonta looks up to his classmates, believing that he should be able to do all the things they can do as well. Gonta believes his friends are all closer to being the standard of “gentleman” more than he is, deepening his inadequacy. 

As revealed in his fourth FTE, his rich and esteemed human family flat out rejected him after being raised 10 years in the wild:

“So they get mad at Gonta. Say Gonta not worthy of family name. They blame Gonta’s forest family. Say it their fault.”

Gonta’s upbringing is rough man, with being isolated as a kid only to be dismissed by your human family once he returned. Once again, Gonta brings up not being ‘worthy’ of the family name, showing how Gonta is demeaned for who he is, likely regarding his intelligence and ignorance to social life. As such, he makes the resolve to be a gentleman to satisfy his human family. So not only does he think himself below others, he is constantly striving for an impossible goal. 

With his low view of himself, it is seen throughout the entire game that Gonta is constantly apologizing, even when he is unknowingly helping the group (For example, finding the manhole in chapter 1). He doesn’t believe himself to ever be intelligent enough to help, constantly striving for it but believing he is always coming up short. Out of everyone in the cast, Gonta points out his stupidity the most, and honestly, I can’t put every example here because we’ll be here all day. But it is disheartening watching Gonta never be willing to accept himself as competent, choosing to apologize first as he believes anything bad that happens (and this game sure does have a lot of bad things happening) is due to his own failings as a person. 

For him, his first priority when the killing game starts is to protect everyone. And I want to emphasize the word protect. Gonta believes himself to have very little that he can offer to the group, but with whatever he is able to do, he is more than willing to throw himself and give it his all if it means helping everyone. At any opportunity where he believes he can help, Gonta will take that action. He does it because he doesn’t believe he would be able to help out any other way because of his perceived ‘stupidity’, so Gonta always attempts to take the initiative and do what he is told. And when he fails in that action, something he believes is the only thing he would be able to do to help, he believes he is a failure and it is his fault when something he couldn’t prevent occurs. 

Another point I would like to mention is his emotional outbursts. Likely due to growing up with no social convention put in place, Gonta gets emotional quickly, as seen in his introduction when he believed Shuichi may not like bugs. Paired with his great empathy and he is likely the student who takes each death to heart the most. 

Sorry about this getting into a Gonta character analysis. I wanna make sure I get across how I believe this character is written and I wanna stress Gonta is not by any means intellectually challenged, but rather suffers from a very critical view of himself. This is the fatal flaw that ends up pushing him over. So with this disaster in the process, let’s see how it spirals >:)

The Downward Spiral

That’s right, baby >:D 

I’m going to go through all the chapters until the virtual world and highlight key points that I believe show the mental state Gonta was in to commit the crime. So strap in, folks, this is gonna get long :)) 

… 

Though this is small in the grand scheme of things, during chapter 1, Gonta shows dismay since he wasn’t able to stop the fight between Ryoma and Rantaro in the dining hall. 

“O-oh … Sorry. Gonta not where he needed most …”

Yeah this is minute, but establishes Gonta is quick to blame himself for the issues between others. 

During the strategy meeting set up by Kaito in the Game Room, Gonta was one of the participants. I think it only makes sense that Gonta will be a part of something if it means he can help. But during the investigation for Rantaro’s death, Kaede asks why Gonta was alone in the AV room, with Gonta explaining:

“Gonta happy to be invited to meeting. But Gonta think he not be much help, cuz he not smart … So Gonta in here alone, watching bug movie!”

I totally believe I am looking too deep into what essentially was a red herring, but it is the first example in a pattern I notice with Gonta. Gonta did join the strategy meeting. Yet due to believing he would be useless, he strikes out on his own (To watch the most inspiring movie of them all, Bee Movie starring Jerry Seinfeld lol). Gonta decided to be alone for his own plan to help because he believes he would fail the others. This could connect with him growing up isolated in the forest, being cast out by kids his age for who he was. Gonta is used to sticking to himself when stressed, thinking he would fail people in a group setting. That anxiety overpowers him, so he while he takes a proactive step, he usually does so by himself. However, this ended up screwing him over in the end in making him appear more suspicious. So yes, this really is just a fun joke in the game to pad out the first class trial’s time, it is indicative to the actions Gonta will take later on as in the next chapters. 

Also during his interrogation in the AV room, Gonta says this when trying to prove his innocence to the group:

“But … you guys not gonna believe Gonta, huh!? Cuz Gonta so big and scary-looking, huh!?”

[Kaito] “C-Calm down … You’re making a really scary face!”

“Cuz … Gonta feel so useless!”

Even though Rantaro’s death was nothing to do with Gonta, he still blames himself for the tragedy. He thinks it is because he wasn’t present during the strategy meeting, he caused this to unhold :(((

But I think this shows that Gonta wished he actually collaborated with everyone else instead of being alone. And we will see this new drive to help others in their plans in chapter 2 and 3, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.  

One last thing in chapter one, when Kaede is about to be wheeled off to her execution, Gonta is one of the three who at least attempt to stop it and face off against the Exisals. We see that Gonta is willing to put himself in danger for the sake of others, and he does value his strength greatly as an asset to make him useful. Once again, Gonta will take action whenever he can, unflinching of what it could do to him. 

After chapter one, the killing game has officially begun, and in Gonta’s eyes, he believes he has already failed to protect two of his friends. 

Ahh chapter two … hmmm now what did Gonta do in chapter two - THAT’S RIGHT, LET’S GO, INSECT MEET AND GREET TIME WHOOOO (random titbit - the lie bullet for “Insect Meet and Greet” is called “Insect Flee and Plead” HONESTLY THE LIE IS MORE ACCURATE THAN THE TRUTH)

Gonta took the deaths of Rantaro and Kaede with a lot of guilt and sadness, and in some part, believed he should have been able to prevent it. Though Kokichi does rope Gonta into listening to his schemes at the start of the chapter, I do think Gonta agreed with the motive video sharing idea. As I stated previously, in the FTE for Gonta, Gonta acknowledges Kokichi’s goal and is helping Kokichi brainstorm. In my eyes, I see it as Gonta again trying to take initiative to protect his friends (like watching the bug movie to motivate himself to fight), agreeing with Kokichi’s plan as he wants to be useful with someone else this time. Last time, he went at it alone, so this time, he will make sure he follows along with Kokichi to stop the motive together.  

After torturing getting Kokichi to like bugs for a night, we arrive to the morning of Himiko’s magic show. As everybody watches in tense anticipation for Himiko to get out - The red flags waving like crazy - Gonta says:

“Uhh … Gonta starting to worry. Should we do something?”

When the timer hits 20, Gonta then leaps out of his chair and rushes over to the tank to save Himiko. Against Angie’s protests, Gonta argues:

“B-But … If Gonta do nothing, Himiko get eaten by piranhas -”

As this plays an instrumental role later as a clue to the piranha tank trick, it makes sense out of anyone for Gonta to be rushing ahead to stop the act. Notice how Gonta shouts about how if he does nothing, Himiko would be killed. It is another prime example of Gonta taking action to stop a death, believing it would be his fault if he did nothing (Even though, once again, Gonta couldn’t have done anything in this situation). Gonta never is a bystander during the killing game. He is always, in his own ways, trying to take steps to protect his friends.  

But it is all in vain, with Ryoma’s body being found in the tank instead. 

During the investigation, when asking Gonta, you are met with his crying sprite with him saying: 

“Gonta coulda saved him … No, Gonta shoulda saved him!”

Where last time during Rantaro’s body discovery, Gonta was more in shock. However, the fact that it happened again is deeply upsetting to Gonta. The whole reason he agreed to Kokichi’s plan and also interrupted Himiko’s show was to prevent something like this to happen again, only for Ryoma’s body to be found dead. Here, not only does he think he was somehow capable of preventing Ryoma’s death, he corrects himself to say that he was also responsible for stopping it.  Even if that meant putting his life in danger (Jumping into piranha-filled water), Gonta believed he should have done so anyway, apologizing to Shuichi and Kaito for being a coward. Gonta puts a heavy pressure on himself for things outside of his control, which definitely does not help alleviate any of the stress in a killing game, only doubling it for Gonta. Not only does he deal with the pain of losing his friends, Gonta’s high standards of himself make him feel even more guilty. 

Out of everyone in the cast, Gonta appeared to be the most affected by Kirumi’s reveal as the culprit (I mean, Gonta did want Kirumi to be his mom lol). When Shuichi accuses Kirumi, Gonta is the first to react in shock. He agrees with everyone else as they start to doubt Shuichi’s accusations. But once it is confirmed and we arrive at post-trial, Gonta asks Monokuma:

“Can Gonta be blackened instead of Kirumi?”

[Shuichi] “What?”

“Gonta … Not smart boy, but even Gonta understand what everyone is saying. Kirumi should live, not Gonta! World needs her!”

Though it goes unaddressed in the chapter, it is a recurring toxic trait of Gonta to constantly use himself as the shield to protect others. And here, he quite literally believes he has less worth than Kirumi, which is why he should die instead. Gonta clearly is fond of Kirumi, and his protective nature is sparking him to act, pushing him to ask the question. He wants to save Kirumi and everyone else, and because he believes he is stupid, he is convinced the action he must take action now is to die in Kirumi’s stead. It is Gonta who instigates the other students to surrender their lives, and though Kokichi points out that Kirumi steered the group in that direction, Gonta is the one who brought it up first. Because that is Gonta’s character. Yes, Kirumi may have relied on the knowledge that Gonta would be willing to do anything to help everyone else, but Gonta is not gullible for falling for it. It is just how he thinks unfortunately, which Kirumi only could hope would get him to make such a request.

To Gonta, his life only has value if it is to protect others, and he seems willing to throw it away now, especially under the extreme stresses of the killing game. That is quite a drastic measure under normal circumstances, but Gonta is starting to become desperate due to his attempts earlier this chapter have failed in stopping anything. Though it is his own life, it shows Gonta is willing to risk a life if it means protecting everybody he loves. 

But … unfortunately, Kirumi is executed, regardless of Gonta’s push to change the outcome, leading to now four deaths Gonta believes he should have stopped. Despite all of his actions in this chapter, nothing stopped his friends from being killed horrifically, and the pressure is only further mounting on Gonta. 

Chapter three rolls, and though I will get to Gonta and the student council, I would like to point out some dialogue during the exploring segments of the game. 

[Gonta] “Anyway, if you find dangerous area, come get Gonta. Gonta will protect you!”

Though he offers it with a wide smile, Gonta wants to be always present in case something dangerous could happen to everyone, willing to risk his life if it means helping others. 

After receiving the Necronomicon as the fresh, new motive, Gonta is quick to wonder if that means all the deceased are actually alive, citing the courtyard message as a connection. And ofc Gonta would make the connection, since he truly wants to believe that all his friends are alive and he hasn't failed them yet. This prompts Angie to thank him since he provided a plausible evidence to justify Angie using the book:

[Angie] “Nyahaha! You’re so smart for telling us, Gonta. You’re a savior to those four people.”

Angie had perfectly pinpointed what Gonta would want to hear in that moment, being told he is smart (The one thing he has said time and time again that he isn’t) and that he is a savior (affirming that all of his actions were not in vain). 

Ignoring the logistics of how Angie managed to hug Gonta (I would like to believe the student council all volunteered to be Angie’s step stool lol), Angie says the precise things to win Gonta over. 

[Angie] “You work so hard, Gonta. You’re always trying to keep everyone safe. Even when you go berserk, you’re still considerate of everyone else, aren’t you? I know this … because Atua is always watching you.”

It may seem that Gonta fell for this because Gonta is just gullible and would fall for anything Angie would say. But in my opinion, Angie does tactfully alleviate the exact concerns Gonta has been worried about throughout the whole game. No, Gonta doesn’t want to hear praise or recognition for his efforts. But he does want to have confirmation that he is on the right track. And Angie says exactly what Gonta would want to hear due to her ability to manipulate, not because Gonta is naive. When Angie says that there is Atua, a god that is watching over Gonta, it provides Gonta with some relief from his own guilt. He is provided a safety net that if he follows Angie’s commands, he can prevent more suffering once again. Though he does mainly abides by Angie’s wishes throughout chapter three’s daily life, he does so because he believes he finally has a set purpose. He even asks when given the offer to join student council: 

“... You need Gonta? Okay! Gonta join student council too!” 

Gonta is actually in disbelief that Angie has found him useful enough to join the student council. And since he looks up to Angie like he does with everyone else around him, he wants to go along because Angie/Atua must know what is best for Gonta, right?    

The next morning, Gonta covers up the manhole, all in attempt to stop more misery. Yes, he is brainwashed just like everyone else in Angie’s little cult (aside from Tenko) but I believe this stems from Angie knowing what Gonta needed to hear in his state rather than Gonta just being ‘dumb’.

Gonta finally found some stability and a voice that can guide him to help everyone until whoopsie daisies, look turned out to be dead the next day :D

I’m getting a bit repetitive here, but once again, another pillar for safety, one that Gonta really had hope for, is ripped away from him in an instant. He is seen crying over Angie’s body, weeping at the prospect of her death being a murder: 

“B-but … why would someone do such awful thing!?”

“Well, duh Gonta, you are in a killing game, what do you expect by now?” … Except Gonta truly believed that helping out the student council will be able to set everything right again. But again, his genuine, whole-hearted efforts turn out fruitless. To him, he once again failed to save a friend. 

“If so … Gonta could saved her! If only Gonta saw! But Gonta was sleeping … Sorry, Angie … Gonta no could save you!”

I could only imagine this stung more for Gonta since he went to bed properly to enforce student council rules. But since Angie died at night, Gonta would likely see himself as slacking off in his duty to protect everyone, ending up blaming himself all over again. Just like Ryoma’s death, Gonta blames himself. The mindset Gonta continues to hold on to is extremely debilitating for him to handle, further adding to Gonta’s already poor self-image. (It could explain why he decided not to join the seance, since usually Gonta would be proactive and do anything to help his friends. Angie’s death must have been hard for him to swallow.) 

And just as they all process Angie’s death, Kiyo swoops in with his majestic see-saw murder tric and takes Tenko down with the rest of his remaining braincells. During the body discovery, Gonta straight up just weeps and spouts apologies. He only just enters the room, but already he blames himself for Tenko’s death. 

Surprisingly, where chapter one and two provided sympathetic murders, chapter three throws Gonta for a loop, it being the one time Gonta actually is angered by the killer. 

“Th-that right … Killing two friends for your dead sister!? That … wrong! That so wrong!”

Yeah, you tell Kiyo off, Gonta >:D

Where trial 1 and 2 had Gonta see people he loves die, Gonta always could sympathize for the killer. Yet, at least in my interpurtation, I think Kiyo’s trial showed Gonta the murderous intent hiding amongst his peers. Though, I might just be reading too much into it. But if I am correct, Gonta would be disheartened that someone he could trust like Kiyo would kill with such little remorse. 

And here we are, chapter four. 

A little recap of Gonta’s state leading up to this chapter: Gonta shows time and time again to make attempts to help everyone, either alone or following a leader like Angie or Kokichi. He takes proactive steps to protect the people he cherishes, but because of factors of his control, nothing he has been able to do can stop his friends from dying. However, due to his low self-esteem, he instead blames himself for everyone’s deaths and grieves the loss of the seven students (Well … idk about Kiyo lol) greatly. So like a cycle, Gonta feels ever more useless as more and more people die around him without him being able to control or stop it. 

Okay, chapter 4 time let’s go (sobs)

After Kokichi swipes the card key and Kaito bolts after him, the conversation between the seven remaining students continues. When everyone takes turns to praise Shuichi, Gonta says: 

[Gonta] “Shuichi is so amazing. Gonta wanna be useful to everyone too.”

[Maki] “Don’t worry. When the time comes, we’ll use your body as a meat shield.”

[Gonta] “Okay! Gonta hope time come soon!”

Oh buddy … You really don’t want to hope that …

It seems ever since Kirumi’s trial, Gonta has been more and more willing to use his life to protect the others, this being the second time he has been fine with being used a meat shield (The other time being chapter 3, during the exploration segment). Being that Gonta thinks he’s useless (Admitting in the dialogue above that he strives to be useful to everyone), he is beginning to value what little he does have to help the others. And yet, it barely goes addressed amongst the students how much Gonta is okay with throwing his life away. 

In his final FTE in chapter four, when approaching Gonta in the AV room, he will say:

“What can Gonta do …  to be useful for everyone? Gonta think he could protect everyone … in underground passage. [...] Gonta … no can take it anymore! Gonta not wanna lose anyone else!”

As mentioned in the dining hall scene earlier, Gonta did open up the manhole once again, believing he could be used as a meat shield in the underground passage. Similar to how Kaito becomes desperate in the next chapter, Gonta is now ready to do anything because he swears he will not lose anyone else. Right now, his goal to have everyone escape due to Angie’s plans of staying idly in the academy only led to her death. So in Gonta’s eyes, escape is the only option he has to save everybody, not keeping them trapped in a killing game where murderous intent can fester, like Kiyo. By chapter four, after the loss of three people in the last chapter, Gonta has reached his breaking point in how many deaths he can deal with.

I do love his final FTE, even though with what we know happens in this chapter, it is clear that with Shuichi’s words or not, Gonta is dead set on his self-destructive goal. 

(But something I just love in the final FTE is that Shuichi affirms to Gonta that he already is helpful 

[Shuichi] “I don’t think you need to work so hard to be a gentleman. You’re already incredible.”

[Gonta] “B-but, Shuichi! Gonta must become gentleman! For forest family”

[...]

[Gonta] “But … Gonta no help to anyone right now.”

[Shuichi] “You are! You saved me before, remember? I almost fell down the staircase!” (referring to first FTE where Gonta catches Shuichi from falling down some stairs)

[Gonta] “Oh!”

[Shuichi] “Gonta … you’re a more amazing person than you think you are.”

[Gonta w/ a crying sprite] “Sh-Shuichi!”

Ughh this entire interaction just warms my heart, especially now sifting through how much grief Gonta goes through the game and how often he self-deprecates. And the fact he grows emotional when Shuichi motivates him, maaan he really needs a hug. I just needed to show this.)

Moving along, when Shuichi heads out to meet up with Kaito and Maki at night time later, Gonta does intercept him before he goes:

[Gonta] “Oh, Shuichi? You should go back to room. It’s nighttime.”

[Shuichi] “Ah, it’s just that … I promised to meet up with Kaito and Maki …”

[Gonta] “O-oh … Um, Angie’s gone, and student council not around anymore … But Gonta still think it best to not go out at nighttime. Cuz Ryoma got killed at nighttime. And Angie, too.”

[Shuichi] “That’s true … But the promise I made to Kaito is really important to me. I can’t break it. I promise, I’ll go right back afterwards. And I’ll make sure we stick together.”

[Gonta] “... Gonta careless just now. Gonta not know you make such important promise to Kaito. Gonta … so useless.”

[Shuichi] “No, no! Not at all, Gonta. Don’t worry about it. We all know how much you care about us.”

[Gonta] “...”

[Shuichi] “Gonta?”

[Gonta] “Shuichi, Gonta come to decision!”

[Shuichi] “Huh? What have you decided …?”

[Gonta] “Um … well … Hmm, actually … Gonta will tell everyone tomorrow, when everyone together.”

Now this alludes to Gonta’s plan the next morning, but let’s break this conversation down. At first, Gonta still brings up Angie’s idea of prohibiting people from walking around at nighttime, a line of reasoning which makes total sense, especially since Angie proceeded to die at nighttime as well. How come nobody in the student council other than Gonta bring up and try to enforce the rule after Angie died? Because out of anybody there, Gonta truly wanted to take initiative and saw the student council as an avenue of doing so. He saw the logic behind Angie’s rule and followed through with it because she isn’t exactly wrong (Having everybody forced to sleep at the same time could decrease a killer being able to freely roam). 

But after Shuichi mentions his promise to Kaito, Gonta grows despondent, calling himself useless for somehow failing to notice that Shuichi went to see a friend (Again, not his fault in the slightest). When Shuichi assures him that Gonta shouldn’t worry, Gonta becomes silent, contemplating, and judging by the fact Shuichi has to ask Gonta’s name, he must have grown quiet for a good while.

I think this is the key moment where Gonta shifts slightly as a character. Where before he wanted to have more cooperative solutions like joining Kaito and Kokichi’s strategy meetings in chapter 1 and 2, and then joining student council in chapter 3, he has realized that he must stop the game alone. He realizes quietly to himself that he alone has to stop the killing game, and with his self-destructive tendencies having been built up for the past chapters, he will make his own plan. He has come to a decision where he will end this by himself, no matter what.   

Now let’s see what Gonta’s decision is . The next morning, the dining hall is in uproar: 

[Gonta] “But we gotta do it! If not now, then when!?”

[Tsumugi] “L-Like I said before, it’s reckless! There are still two Exisals, right!?”

[Gonta] “Gonta know that … but … Watching friends disappear … Seeing everyone get weaker … Gonta no can take this anymore! That’s why Gonta go fight Monokuma!”

Just like Tsumugi said, this is beyond reckless for Gonta to do. But Gonta illustrates his thought process clearly: He can’t stand being useless anymore, not for a second longer. The build-up from the chapters have been clear from the start, with every action Gonta takes failing in the end, more bodies are piling up. And ofc, Gonta blames himself. 

When Himiko explains further that it is reckless, Gonta acknowledges it:

“Gonta know it reckless … but it only way to save everyone. Waiting around, doing nothing just make more victims … That why Gonta risk his life! Real gentleman would risk life! Gonta gladly give up life to save everyone!”

Gonta really can’t take it anymore. He needs to act. Now. He will do something, even if it is on his own. For someone so gullible, Gonta has become ironclad in his resolve, not succumbing to any of his self-doubt in his plan nor is he relying on someone else anymore. This is the clear set-up to his actions in the chapter, Notice how he fully acknowledges what he is doing is reckless. But he believes it is all he can do. His decreased value of himself and his inferiority to everyone else around him makes him fully willing to take his own life if it means he will do the right thing in his eyes.   

But thankfully (or un-thankfully if you really think about it) Miu intervenes before Gonta can go through with his plan with her own brilliant idea: The Virtual World. So with all of this recap and build-up underway, it is all about to crumble when Gonta is exposed to the truth.

III: 'Stupidity' is Bliss, After All 

During his time in Virtual World after being exposed to the flashback light, Gonta almost never speaks, and when he does, it is usually one phrase and some ellipses with a sad looking sprite. He is seen following along with Kokichi, rushing ahead with Kokichi in silence towards the chapel. When deciding on splitting up in the chapel, Gonta says nothing, just agreeing when Kokichi recommends coming along to the mansion. He uncharacteristically lacks any of his usual questioning nor enthusiasm. Though when they are about to split off in the mansion, Gonta is about to take his leave:

[Gonta] “... Gonta go now.”

[Tsumugi] “It’s surprisingly cold out there, so be careful. You should come back here to warm up.”

[Gonta] “Thank you … but Gonta okay. Gonta not smart enough to get sick.”

[Kaito] “Someone who isn’t smart wouldn’t want to save everyone … They’d only think of themselves.”

[Gonta] “Oh … thank you.”

Ouch ... looking back at this knowing it is the last interaction Gonta had with the group while his hands still were clean … maaan. This seems like the one time, at least to me, where Gonta accepts the compliment of his intelligence rather than denying it. He appears shocked, especially with how much Kaito’s words ring true for what Gonta is about to do. In some ironic way, it affirms to Gonta that he has to be doing the right thing … right? He is doing this to save everyone. He doesn’t want to kill Miu for himself, he’s doing it for everyone else. After all, Miu is the one who is killing for themselves. She will be forced to know the truth if she doesn't get caught. (Hell, during Alter Ego Gonta’s confession post-trial, he literally says “Gonta just … want to … save everyone.”)

Upon first playthrough, I barely even noticed how weird Gonta was acting, since the characters of interest were Kaito, Kokichi, and Miu for me so far. So Gonta being bossed around by Kokichi didn’t strike me as anything unusual. However, now that I look back at it, Gonta being this reserved is actually jarring from what I expect from him. But this is not a personality change, this is the effect the despair from learning of the outside world had on him. 

During the flashback to Kokichi and Gonta out in the woods, Gonta wanted to tell everyone about the flashback light first. But Kokichi asks the weighted question of whether Gonta should trust Kokichi’s assumption that the flashback light holds the secret. 

Now yes, that is manipulation on Kokichi’s part, taking advantage of Gonta here to expose himself to it. However, Gonta was susceptible to it for the same reasons he wanted to fight Monokuma earlier in chapter 4: He has made the resolve to stop the killing on his own. It is not like Gonta mistrusts others, but he wants to rely on himself now. He can’t just stall for time and round everyone up. He has grown desperate and if what Kokichi has been saying is a lie, Gonta does not want to waste time gathering everyone for something that would turn out useless? So Gonta acts, choosing to expose himself to the truth first because he can’t wait around. He has to end this killing game and protect everyone now. 

Unfortunately, he recalled the end of the world and the destruction of humanity. And as Monokuma mentions later, the flashback light simulates a ‘deja-vu’ feeling, so it tricks the brain to think that it experienced the memory before. So it is not like Gonta was just told that the world ended. No, he recalls bearing witness to it with his own eyes. The effect of such knowledge is completely devastating, which we see with Kokichi and everyone else in Chapter 5. 

I think Alter Ego Gonta put his conflict into words best:

“Inside is hell! Outside is hell! What should Gonta and friends live for!?”

Gonta has put so much effort and energy into getting everyone out of the killing game, willing to throw his life away at the sight of danger many times. But it now is all completely pointless, because even if Gonta succeeded in his plan, he would just be sending his friends to an outside that will hurt them all. People like Kirumi and Kaede killed to go outside, and yet in the end, all the deaths were even more meaningless. Their hopes, efforts, and suffering has all been rendered meaningless to Gonta in a matter of seconds.  

Gonta’s sole motivation, his plan, everything he pushed himself to do were all based on his ignorance to the truth. And now that he knows, he can only feel stupider for trying. 

The flashback light puts Gonta through so much pain, and now he realizes that if his friends learned of such a truth, they would all suffer like him. But the last thing he wants is for his friends to feel that pain. He is more than willing to be their shield and protect them. But while before it was the killing game, now Gonta will become their shield and protect them from the despair-inducing truth. 

It is then Kokichi proposes his plan: A mercy kill. A plan that involved Gonta taking the life of everyone else and bearing the brunt of the outside world by himself. In some ways, it parallels Gonta’s decision to take on Monokuma earlier in the chapter, with Gonta recklessly risking his life to the sake of others’ safety. Yes, Gonta may be alone in the end, but at least he finally would be useful to his friends in protecting them. Except with Kokichi’s mercy kill plan, it has twisted to become the inverse, where Gonta protects everyone by having them be killed while he sacrifices himself by living his life in an apocalyptic Earth alone. Just like much of his life, Gonta will end up alone and isolated from the others. Something he unfortunately is used to. 

Throughout this essay, I have been emphasizing the word “act” and “proactive”, because that is what Gonta has been doing. He is constantly shoving himself into plans. He doesn’t want to sit back until he is finally ‘useful’. He wants to be constantly of use to someone, to prove that he can be relied on. Because that is what gentleman does. 

So here Kokichi is, relying on Gonta to commit an action to save everyone. And Gonta in chapter four has mentioned that he is at a breaking point, that he can’t take any of this anymore. He had tried to act before, but they all failed. So, with the weight of the despair heavy on his shoulders, he fully accepts after Kokichi explains his plan. Kokichi did rely on knowing how Gonta functions to get him to agree, but it could only be Gonta who would have agreed to it. 

But not because Kokichi thinks Gonta is dumb. 

During the fourth trial, after Kokichi finally name drops Gonta as the culprit, Himiko is about to argue that Gonta is not smart enough to commit a murder, only to be interrupted by Kokichi the moment she is about to say the word smart. How come out of any of the points Kokichi could have interjected, it was Himiko’s?  

It is because Kokichi knows that out of anybody there, Gonta wants to end the killing game, and unlike Kaito, Gonta has shown to be desperate enough to act on that goal whenever he can. Kaito constantly talks the talk but he sure as hell never walks it. Kaito says what is inspiring to the group, but when it comes to a concrete plan to end the killing game, Kaito is too straightforward to think of something. Meanwhile Kokichi has noticed Gonta’s attempts before, especially with his decision in chapter four. So when Himiko is about to call Gonta stupid, Kokichi interjects due to that be completely false. Gonta has thought through so many ideas and plans throughout the entire game. Yet, everyone else fails to recognize that because of their poor understanding of Gonta. 

(Personally, I think Kokichi could notice such a thing due to his distrusting nature. With him being a foil to Kaito's belief, he must doubt everyone and everything - It is what allowed him to learn more, at the expense of being the asshole of the group. Whenever Gonta claimed he was dumb, Kokichi's first instinct is to doubt that, possibly thinking Gonta might be trying to lower Kokichi's guard. So Kokichi keeps careful watch of Gonta, realizing Gonta is not what he claims he is)

He is a fully capable student nor was he tricked into this. There is nothing naive about Gonta’s intentions here: This is completely his volition in taking part in the plan. 

To provide a crappy analogy of how I think Kokichi’s manipulation went, I’d say think of it more like Gonta is walking down a road and has reached a fork in the road, one left and one right. And say Kokichi, for some odd reason, really wants Gonta to go down the left side. Now, if Kokichi were to somehow directly shove Gonta down the left path, you can’t say that it is Gonta’s decision to go left. That was directly Kokichi involving himself and forcing Gonta to make a decision. This kind of like what Kokichi does in chapter 5 with Kaito, blackmailing and forcing Kaito’s hand at the prospect of Maki becoming the blackened (Though I do think Kaito did end up agreeing with Kokichi’s plan to end the killing game, but he needed an extra push into that direction). 

Rather, it is far more indirect. Like as if Kokichi just built a huge, shiny sign at the intersection that says to go left. Now people could look at that sign and choose to ignore it (Probably Kaito, who only goes right out of spite for the sign lmaoo). But just because Gonta is the kind of person who would likely follow the sign’s direction, he decides to go left. See, Kokichi did set up the decision for Gonta to make, but Gonta, at the end of the day, made that choice because of who he is as a character. 

Then again, that is a gross simplification but that is how I see Kokichi’s extent of manipulation. He provided the plan and Gonta agreed with it because he wanted to act. The events of the killing game have slowly been chipping away at Gonta, so now that the opportunity has provided itself, Gonta takes it willingly. Yes, this action may be to kill Miu, but it is something Gonta can do at this point. He needs to have control to protect everyone.

Gonta killed because of his own tragic flaws of constantly looking down on himself. This constant inadequacy forced him to need to prove himself as useful. Coupled with his strong sense of selflessness, it becomes clear that Gonta killing is fully in character for him. It is built up from the start, and the stresses of the killing game fostered an unhealthy mindset that everybody’s deaths are his fault. So he grows the most desperate to put an end to everyone’s misery, no matter what becomes of him. 

Almost similar to Kaede, if only Gonta had been a bit more selfish, he wouldn’t have done this. He wouldn’t feel the need to protect everyone from the truth. It may seem like Gonta would never hurt anyone, something he claims during the trial, but Gonta’s main goal is to protect them all from danger. So if that means he has to hurt something to protect the people he cares about, then he will do it. 

Where the fanbase fails Gonta

So why did I do this? Why did I … checks word count … WRITE 10K WORDS (holy crap I rambled a bit too much) JUST TO ARGUE THAT GONTA WORKS AS A KILLER. 

Well, I think it is because the fanbase overall has been guilty of simplifying and dumbing down Gonta’s agency. Now, that’s common enough. I mean fanonized characters are only natural, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I suppose my issue lies in the overlooked aspect of how much Gonta had a say in his decision.

Yes, Kokichi plays a major factor in this, and I am biased to not place all the blame on Kokichi. But the reason I wanted to prove Gonta’s motivations is because I dislike the notion of Gonta being treated like he is solely a gullible person, who just was under some kind of influence (Whether that be Kokichi or the personality change or despair) to commit such an action. Gonta is like everyone else as in he is fully capable of committing a crime when the right pressures are applied. And like most killers in this franchise, Gonta inevitably fell victim to his most toxic tendencies: His self-loathing and selflessness culminating to a self-destructive level. 

I like Danganronpa for how it twists my understanding and perception of characters. So having trial four counter my belief that Gonta as this sweet character and reveals the deep guilt and pain Gonta has been harboring throughout the game is fascinating to explore, it makes me love him all the more for being a three-dimensional character with a complex motive built from his own flaws. As much as argued why Gonta did the mercy kill, and as I do understand the motivation behind it, I still think it is not the correct thing to do in this case. By no means am I condoning Kokichi and Gonta’s actions, only understanding why they agreed to the mercy kill plan.

But much of the discussion around this case is “I will never forgive what Kokichi did to Gonta”. As if Kokichi did something so drastic that it pushed Gonta like this. No, Gonta’s fall was set up from the start slowly. Kokichi didn’t trick Gonta, but he did initiate the plan for Gonta to carry out

But Kokichi has more blame since he instigated and thought of the plan, with the meeting the Monokuma, luring Gonta out, and introducing him into the plan. But Gonta chose to go with the plan because he believed that was the right thing to do, he also has some fault in this. It is not solely Kokichi’s fault just as it is not solely Gonta’s fault. In my eyes, both played a part and agreed in Kokichi’s morally dubious plan.  

But at the end of the day, trial four was just an emotional trainwreck for everyone involved. We see Alter Ego Gonta fully accepting his punishment, saying;

“It’s okay, Kokichi. Please let Gonta sacrifice himself … for everyone’s sake. That’s all … Gonta can do anymore …”

Like always, Gonta is concerned about what he can do for others, and now, with nothing, he will give up his life. He can no longer fight the killing game, he’s given up fully into despair. And thinking that the others may try to interfere and get killed, Gonta takes the punishment willingly, guilty of his actions and deciding to succumb to the rules of the killing game if it means the least amount of suffering overall. During his final moments, Gonta admits he is not scared, he only hates himself for not being enough. 

“Gonta love you all …!”

“Gonta is so sorry … for being stupid!”

[unruly-sun]

9: explain why your favorite song is your favorite song 16: favorite album artwork?

hey!! sorry 4 putting this off forever

putting it under a cut cause it got rlly long

uh so my favorite songs currently are it's not a fashion statement its a deathwish by mcr, fresh concrete by bears in trees, and coeur d'alene by the head and the heart. these aren't necessarily my favorite songs of all time or even by these bands cause i don't have the brainpower to rank every song ive ever heard in my head and honestly i don't think that's how love of a piece of art works but off the top of my head it's these. i could add more but im cutting it short for brevity

starting with the outlier: the head and the heart was my mom's favorite band for a long time, so the band in general has a lot of nostalgia attached, and this song in particular i like because it really captures how difficult it is to maintain relationships with people you care about, which is definitely something i and a lot of other people can relate to. i really like the bit that goes "you're in my soul now, you've gotta waste away with me." i feel like it's probably not the healthiest attitude towards a relationship but it's really useful when you just wanna cut ties with everyone you care about and disappear off the face of the earth, y'know? like yeah loving is work and it's hard but you're a part of my soul now so it's not like i could remove myself from you even if i tried. with the caveat that if the relationship is toxic or unhealthy and not being in each other's live truly is the best course of action than that's. what should happen. but like in general it's like. yeah. also you gotta listen to this song right after cats and dogs its the rule. real autumn vibes as a song

fresh concrete by bears in trees is. a song. personally the reason i first found myself drawn to it is because it coincidentally mirrored a particular significant event of my life pretty much exactly, and because i was just getting out of (or maybe into? i don't rlly remember) a bears in trees hyperfixation around when if first came out. the combo of the coincidence and the hyperfixation kinda immediately rocketed it into favorite bears in trees song, which then rocketed it into favorite song territory by virtue of bears in trees being one of my favorite bands. also it was (more or less i think) the band's first fancy official music video and i thought that was so cool. i watched that video over and over again. i wouldn't say it's the best bears in trees song, but i do think it's the best at being what it is. what fresh concrete is to me, at its core, is a song that almost perfectly sums up my feelings about a specific time in my life, and that predictably means a lot to me. it makes me feel seen, y'know? also it is the most late spring early summer song to ever exist.

lastly: deathwish. this one also reminds me of a specific time of my life, but mostly it hits me in the adhd. i particularly like the line "you told me this gets harder well it did!" cause it resonates with the realization that it's just going to keep getting harder, and it's never going to stop, and all you're just gonna have to keep on failing at the same things forever. it's realizing that if life and your reactions to it stay on the same course then you're not gonna make it more than a couple years. it's realizing that you've got a life that you're failing at, that you won't never succeed at doing anything with. and it's like what's stopping you y'know? there must be something intrinsically wrong with you but also there can't be anything intrinsically wrong with you cause that would take the blame off you for failing your life and it's definitely all your own fault. there was also a specific phenomena that occurred when i came to terms with being suicidal where i stopped being afraid of anything cause it's like. what's the worst you can do. kill me? jokes on you that's what i want. which is a kinda arrogant point of view and definitely telling about me and my experiences as a person but. that's what this song feels like. but it definitely does hit in the adhd. late fall early winter vibes

honorable mention: the only hope for me is you mcr

favorite album artwork is probably the bullets cover mcr. purple and orange and yellow and harry houdini on a hook :)

[fuzzy-melonlord]

all of them with frozen fruit <3

okay so just like with dr wrath this is gonna be under a cut. gods this took forever but i fucking love Frozen Fruit just as much as i do Dr. Wrath so let's fuckin go!

also @bruh-im-aggro and @ofthecosmos i know y'all enjoy Xavier/Honeydew so here ya go

Pre-Relationship

1. How did they first meet? - they met at D.A.M.N, Honeydew is actually a part of the Campus newspaper team and so after a particularly awesome winning game. They reached out to get an interview with some members of the team (before Xavier became captain)

2. What was their first impression of each other? - oh gods, Xavier was intimidated. they seemed so serious when asking their questions in the interview. He admired their work ethic though. Honeydew thought he was a good player, but other than that they didn't think much else.

3. Did any of their friends or family want them to get together? - Using another OC, Xavier's best friend, Gemma, was hesitant to accept him getting with Honeydew. They're worried that Honeydew is just gonna hurt him. Meanwhile, Honeydew's best friends were practically shoving them at him at parties.

4. Who felt romantic feelings first? - Xavier. He fell, surprisingly quick, and he did get teased about it once they did start dating. but He hung out with them a few times by chance after that first interview and he was just smitten.

5. Did either of them try to resist their feelings? - surprisingly no. When Honeydew realized they were crushing, they walked straight up to him and told him. and then they started dating.

6. If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think? - Honeydew doesn't believe in soulmates, but they do think that there is a connection between the two of them. They believe that it formed because of their own actions though, not because of divine intervention. Xavier on the other hand would be a blushing mess, boy is a hopeless romantic and would love that.

7. What would their lives be like if they had never met? - ....we've seen Xavier's. Honeydew would have gone through school without much trouble. maybe have gotten an s/o or maybe they would have focused on their writing, but either way it wouldn't have been the same.

General

1. Who initiated the relationship? - Honeydew~ as stated before. when they realized they had feelings for him. they just went up to him and asked him to date.

2. Did they have an official first date? if so what was it like? - Oh my gods yes they did. Xavier planned everything. like i said in another response, he is such a romantic. So he legit took them out to dinner, and he took them a movie they had mentioned wanting to see. and then they went and sat under the stars on the hood of his car. he also 1000% bought them flowers. but not roses. those are overplayed so he bought them Sunflowers because sunflowers can represent longevity, adoration, and pure love.

3. What was their first kiss like? i actually answered this in one of the last night prompts. so ill copy paste it here. " So it was actually an accident. They had been dating for a bit and they were taking things slow, testing the waters. And Xavier goes to leave and goes to give them a kiss on the cheek but he taps their shoulder first and so instead of kissing their cheek he kisses their lips. He apologized profusely after, but Honeydew cut him off by kissing him again."

4. Were they each other's first anything? - Yes, Xavier had his first time with Honeydew and it was Honeydew's first serious relationship.

5. What's their height difference? Age difference? - I think Honeydew is the older one. Maybe by like a year or so. But Xavier is taller, only by a few inches though.

6. What's their relationship with each other's families? Do they share a friend group? - Xavier's Mom loves Honeydew, they consider them their own kid already. Honeydew's Mom and Dads (2), started off a little wary of Xavier but ended up caring dearly for him.

7. Who takes the lead in social situations? - Xavier. Yes, Honeydew is a reporter but they like watching and listening. Sure they know their way with words but they do prefer to listen.

8. Who gets jealous easier? - Honeydew. Xavier might be the more insecure one of the two but he is super secure with his feelings for Honeydew and their feelings for him. But Honeydew is a little less secure. Sure they know he's popular, and extremely handsome, and has a winning personality and sometimes the little voice in their head tells them that they aren't good enough for him. So when other people flirt with him, they do in fact get pretty jealous. they never say anything about it to the person flirting, but they will make physical contact with Xavier in some way. He always knows, and makes sure to provide the comfort he knows his partner needs.

9. Who whispers inappropriate things in the other's ear? - this one was a hard one, both usually are pretty tame around other people. But when emotions are high (say after a particularly great match where the team wins) It'll be Honeydew, whispering in his ear while the team celebrates. letting him know exactly how they're going to congratulate him.

Love

1. Who said "I Love you" First? - i actually did this one in a previous set of headcanons. so i'll copy paste here. "Honeydew. It was actually again on accident. Just like their first kiss. It was before they moved in together, and Honeydew had stayed the night again. It was a weekend and Xavier had to leave for like one of those weekend all day practice things that sports people do. and when he kisses them goodbye they just sleepily mutter that they love him. Xavier was the happiest that day that any of his team had seen, ever."

2. What are their primary love languages? - Honeydew's is 100% physical touch. They love being held and holding others. Xavier's is gift giving, with a strong second being physical touch.

3. Who uses cheesy pick-up lines? - Xavier has actually used "are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see." On Honeydew. So yeah.

4. How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA? - oh my gods so often. but not in like an uncomfortable way. Like when they see each other in between classes, or if Honeydew sits in on practice, they'll usually share a kiss. Or if they're out with friend's they'll hold hands. it's very light. they don't go wild while in public.

5. Who initiates kisses? - this is honestly pretty even, but imma give it to Xavier because our romantic boy loves kissing more than just about anything. He will take any chance he can to kiss his precious Honeydew.

6. Who's the big and little spoon? - LITTLE SPOON XAVIER! LITTLE SPOON XAVIER! It makes him feel safe <3

7. What are their favorite things to do together? - So it's really cute, they actually have an old record player (Honeydew collects records) and they'll sometimes just put one on and dance to the songs in their living room.

8. Who's better at comforting the other? - Honeydew. Xavier has said it before, but they always seem to know exactly what to say to help calm him down or make him feel better. Not to say Xavier is bad, he just don't have them magic words.

9. Who's more protective? - Gemma/j honestly Honeydew. they worry that Xavier will try too hard to prove himself and get himself hurt. He cares too much about helping others even at the expensive of his own health and safety. Honeydew knows this.

10. Do they prefer verbal or physical affection? - honestly, both prefer Physical. They can say they love each other til their blue in the face. but nothing is better than a soft touch or a sweet kiss.

11. What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in universe or otherwise? - I actually just made a playlist for them! So here it is! https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0eI3atYKPD3SxhwAj8qIdd?si=ee21c99de1f648f4

12. What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

Xavier - Honeydew, hun, baby, babe, sweetie, my love

Honeydew - Snowflake, snow angel, ice cube, vanilla ice, do you get the trend? if there is an ice themed nickname then Honeydew will 1000% use it. Xavier thinks it's cute.

13. Who remembers the little things? - Honeydew. and it's less they remember and more they write it down. They don't want to ever forget the little things and the best way for them to remember and keep track is if they write it down. So they'll always have him with them.

Domestic Life

1. If they get married, who proposes? - OKAY SO Story time. Xavier gets a ring and spends MONTHS planning to propose, literal months because our romantic boy wants this to be perfect. Then one night they're just cuddling at the apartment and Honeydew takes his hand in theirs and presses a kiss to his ring finger and just mutters under their breath, asking if he would marry them. Xavier can't even be mad about his plans being for nothing because he gets to marry the love of his life.

2. What's the wedding like? Who attends? - It's pretty small, just their closest friends and family. they want it to be personal not some wild large wedding. It's a beautiful little event. Xavier cries.

3. How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like? - Their kids are dogs, they have 3. A Corgi named Drei, A Bernese mountain dog named Buzz, and a Shiba Inu named Chili.

4. Do they have any pets? - see above

5. Who's the stricter parent? - Xavier actually. Honeydew lets a lot of shit slide when it comes to the dogs lol.

6. Who worries the most? - Xavier! Dog daddy is a big worry wart about his precious dogs.

7. Who kills the bugs in the house? - both actually. and they don't kill spiders, because the spiders are good at keeping other pests away from Xavier's plants (he is a plant dad too) and keeping them out of the house in general

8. How do the celebrate holidays? - They usually alternate which family they visit during the day. They'll go see one side of the family during the day and one at night.

9. Who's more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning? - Xavier will practically DRAG Honeydew back to bed to make them sleep more, because he knows how much they over work theirself.

10. Who's the better cook? - Honeydew. Xavier isn't bad at cooking but the man knows how to cook bachelor food. He does cook with Honeydew though, so he can learn and make foods that they like.

11. Who likes to dance? - both of them, they love dancing. especially dancing together.

[mgsdays]

Thank u for always being so sweet and insightful with your asks!!! i love you 🥰

AnYWAYSs, I wanted to ask you a question particular to the timeline of 19days. We have about 300+ chaps of current flashbacks and present time. Do you think, little by little, we will see more present time dynamics? I know this is the SLOWEST of slow burns and I’m wondering that maybe this is how OX wanted to write; maybe they wanted to show that the past is a reflection of their current present selves? Idk im just rambling here but I think that the past connects to their future selves; it explains to us WHY ZZX and JY have that dynamic in the current time, why MGS and HT still banter, etc. i think OX shows us flashbacks from the past to let us understand how these characters really FEEL about their love interest. its a very interesting way to show character development. I think all these flashbacks are building up to something- I don’t know what but they seem really important and we still dont know HOW JY and HT left so yah thats my theory. What do you think? Another question; how do you think MGS and ZZX will realize their feelings in the future time? A lot of the OX art, as you said, shows these boys comfortably loving their partners so Im wondering as well 🤔 We even see HT and MGS with the couple rings so will we see that too?? I hope we do :(( I think it makes sense that we’ll see them as partners eventually- I mean, we have seen a lot of character development till now with only 300 chaps. Little by little, I think we’re gonna get the end product ☺️

I just hope Im alive to see it happen!

Hey love! Thank you for the message, you were so sweet 😊

I am… more pessimistic about future chapters. More than you, in either case haha

I believe we are building up to the boys leaving, but I do not believe we will see much of a future where the couples have figured things out. I’d love to be proven wrong, just to make it clear, but I don’t think so.

I love your point about the past being a reflection of their futures selves. My theory is that the past chapters serve as a way for Old Xian to give us enough info to presume what happens in the future. Kind of a ‘fill in the blanks’ kind of thing. The past chapters show us the boys’ desires and fears and they explain the motivation behind the boys’ actions. The little snippets into their lives allow us to understand a lot about the characters.

They also give Old Xian a way to write a BL without ever really going there.

Chinese censorship is strong. I don’t think we understand the extent of it from the outside. Some BL authors have been sent to jail. There’s a news story from Nov. 2020 that Mo Xiang Tong Xiu, author of the novel for The Untamed, has been sentenced to 3 years. The details of the case, if true, were not disclosed and we don’t know if they were found guilty or not. A woman who wrote a gay themed novel was sentenced to ten years, that one we know for a fact. China allegedly decided to pull The Untamed from streaming services and to halt production of shows that were being made based on BL books.

This is serious deal. Nothing even happens in those stories. The Untamed is based in a romance novel but it completely removed all explicit romance references for the show. Nothing happens it was still pulled! (after it was done! You make zero yuans by censoring a show that already exists. And yet…).

It really sounds like China is cracking down on content that goes against their morality code. Imagine you’re an artist there. Would you risk everything to make your characters date?

For Old Xian, their art is their livelihood. They make 19 days for the exposure and then use their official platforms to post ads that they draw through Mosspaca Advertising Company. If Old Xian explicitly drew the boys in relationships they’d be risking that platform and could even be putting themselves in danger. (Sometimes Old Xian draws relatively tame art and still deletes and reposts an even tamer version. Old Xian is impacted by censorship. The exposure they have doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll be safe. Imagine them drawing two explicit relationships.)

TL; DR:

Or, TL;DR: HT and JY leave before the boys have enough time to figure things out. The past gives Old Xian plenty of room to write a beautiful story without crossing censorship laws, and leave us to fill in the blanks about their future.

About how I think it happens, I answered earlier today about zhanyi. For tianshan, I think they get together without Mo ever confessing, exactly. In the future Mo has been aware of He Tian’s feeling for forever. Mo knows. I’ll die on this hill. He knows. When Mo really goes through puberty, really starts experiencing desire himself, I think all of his wants unavoidably circle back to HT. Mo would be somewhat aware of his own feelings for years. 

After HT comes back, one day Mo is just so tired of the frustration, the tension between them, He Tian’s years apart, everything, that Mo just kisses He Tian.

He Tian’s surprised for five seconds. 

Then he catches up. 

He pushes in until he has Mo pressed against a wall. Mo’s gasping, a filthy sound echoing low in the space between them, Mo’s fingers sink into He Tian’s hair for the trouble, pulling tight against He Tian’s scalp. It only spurs He Tian on, He Tian groans against Mo’s lips and presses in even harder- rest is history. Mo allows their dynamic to shift from there. 

I think the sexual part may be easier for Mo to deal with in the future than his own feelings. They stay in this kind of relationship for a long time. 

I imagine X many years into it Mo blurts out his love like it’s obvious, like they both have know about it for forever. I loved this text post. I imagine something like this, Mo says he loves He Tian while cursing He Tian out for whatever and saying a million other things. He Tian freezes in the doorway. He knew but still. Hearing it out loud makes his heart race in his chest. Mo loves him, Mo loves him, Mo loves him. He Tian would be whistling to himself the rest of the year. Mo would find it the most annoying thing ever.

(But, secretly, he’d like it. Mo would like being able to make He Tian feel this way, a warmth blossoming on Mo’s chest at the thought.)

[anonil88]

Wandavision Ep. 9 (series finale) liveblog

Obviously there are spoilers below read at your own wishes im including a gif to give you more time to scroll away

The picture is the family together in fight stance omg omg let me hit play

We back right where we left off.

Yea she wants to absorb your power sis, nah fuck that Agatha you can fuck right off.

I can see the cgi in the window and car.

Oh fuck this white mother fucker. Vision please come save your wife. Ayyy my guy!

I mean is he her ex? Or just her exes body.

Multi boss battle time!

This has to be Peter from X-men just being manipulated.

Wanda really did create an entire man the only thing missing is the body.

Um we are missing a few scenes here. When did they capture Jimmy?

You handcuffed a magician? Stupid.

Cliff? Who's that?

So they are about to have a boss battle amongst civilians lmfao. They probably won't even notice what's happening.

On the nose entry of the Darkhold.

It's not her destiny to destroy the world at all. Even in the comics she fights and fights that destiny time and time again.

Oh no, angry puppets. Run Wanda run!

Mrs? Ralph is that you?

Oh it is Ralph they casted Evan Peters to tease us all about x-men im guessing.

That is fucked up to tease us with that.... I'm just saying that is fucked up.

She doesn't even know how she has done this, she really thought she was doing the right thing.

Ugh this feels like when grief gets overwhelming.

No WANDA NOOO, oh shit she really doesn't know how to control it fully at all.

Get out everyone get out!

Wtf is Agatha planning?

Oh no Vis! His soul, if only he gets closer to her.

No the boys....if only she could find a way to tether them to her and not the world she created.

She is going to try and suck wanda dry oh my lord.

Haha family stance too cute. A family that fights together, stays together? Maybe.

Ooo are together gonna fuse?

She is a hero and learning very very fast.

Ayyy boys

Monica lets goo! Take that Hayward.

Hayward is an entire bitch. Fuck him.

Oh they are gonna have a logic battle or a battle of the brains. Exactly you are both vision now kith.

Who will this new vision be? Not quite how I expected it to happen with an awakening but yay, the rebirth of vision!

But, will he stay alive at the end of this? This new vision not Wanda's remade husband.

Let's go red wiggly woos and nightmares. Destroy you with your worst fears or your regrets.

Dammit.

A witchhunt really?

No wanda not like this. Agatha is a liar and has shown that why would you trust her?

We all thought vision would die but what if it's Wanda? Oh no.

Me to Agatha Harkness:

Oh? Did she unknowingly cast another spell?

Ah ha that's why she was hitting the barrier so wanda is a visual learner.

I hope she gets that Darkhold book and reads it.

She is writing her own damn story. I know that's right.

COME ON CROWN

COME THROUGH OUTFIT

Ngl you can see they ran out if cgi budget this episode BUT I love this cute redone style of the comic book outfit. The new ones not the old ones.

Also she doesn't need you, she has a guy named Dr. Strange that she can call.

Awe this is so sweet but I know that this will end. I love that we see her vision and her boys happy all together because we do not get to see that in the comics really like all at the same time.

They are now friends in the comics that share kids, yaknow divorced parents that stay friends but can't make a relationship work.

At least for a couple moments we get a happy power family in house 2800, that get some last sweet beautiful moments.

They will live forever in her heart.....and cough eventually reincarnated cough. Their sound are very real.

I hope she saves that photo at least.

She healed and found out more about herself and who she loved, thats beautiful.

So he's not gonna tell her that he gave her vision the other back?

Awwww they are so in love and marvel doesn't even let them be happy in the comics.

I mean you literally will say hello again his body with his memories is flying outside right now.

Aww vision.

Emo wanda has returned in aesthetic. Starts playing BMTH or PTV

She's like I'm sorry, oh and she said it.

Oooo with the hood and cape on yesss. She is pretty much a rejected member of society and "herodom" now who runs off to discover herself after a really fucked up situation and then a messy engagement similar to comics. Kind of like how Peter is set up to be in the mid credit scene at the end of far from home.

Wanda really said:

Midcredit scene reaction!!

Is Jimmy gonna be director?

Coronet?

Yes a skrull! Talos heard? How? Yay Monica is going to space like she always wanted!!

AN END CREDIT SCENE!!!!!

Thats the lake from the other movie right? Uh all these wait is Thor around? Oh wonderful I love this oh yes give me Wanda educating herself with this book. And she has learned sustained working projections without creating another hex, I love that for her. Two places at once. WE GOING TO THE MULTIVERSE, which i don't think she will be a villain for.

For a finale this was just okay like not great but good enough to pass because after all this is Marvel not Starz or HBO (GOT aside). I understand now why the executive or was it director said this would be a dissapointment. A lot of people had so many theories running but even with my own theories i haven't been conflating them as definites. The only one i did was Monica's scientist and now Pietro being just Ralph revealed. After seeing last weeks episode I just said imma just fully enjoy this last episode and didn't pay mind to many of the new theories.

Anyways I'm not super disappointed this was just an okay finale. So was Legends of Tomorrow's last season finale which I still found some enjoyment in. But, I'm not as excited for Falcon and the Winter Soldier because I can tell from this episode we are going back into movie marvel action with little depth.

I really enjoy the non-officially but official MCU shows like Jessica Jones or Agents of Shield because they often do both. The depth and the action which this show did with a much larger budget. I get there are probably plot holes in this episode for time or filming restriction reasons but still like dang it. Well this has been fun thanks for whoever reads these haha.

[seijorhi]

asks :)

y’all know the drill (also y’all need to stop being so nice about settle or i’m gonna cry)

i wonder how long oikawa stared at you and satori when he caught you two sleeping. im sure he was urtterly enamored with the sight 😭😭

👀i like to think of that as the turning point, the moment he decides he’s going to take what he wants

“cradled tenderly as a steady heartbeat drowns out all else and your vision starts to darken” you’re so talented, this line is everything

i love you.

oh my GOD Settle! is officially my favorite fic ever. i’ve read it multiple times by now, i can’t get enough of it 🤧 may i ask some questions? when did oikawa start to fall for the reader/devise a plan to get her pregnant and his forever? also, im assuming Oiks forces you to live with him and his son after everything goes down. Does he take months off work to stay with you at home to take care of you while you’re pregnant? How will he make sure you don’t try to do anything stupid? 🤭 anyways, BRILLIANT work as always ❤️

it’s kind of a slow burn thing. he never hired her with the intention of breeding her - it was just so that he could have somebody watch hatori while he was busy. but he sees how good she is with him, how naturally she seem to fit into their little life - it’s the little things, the way hatori clings to her, how sweet she is when he comes home. she plays the role of mother/wife so perfectly, is it his fault that he starts imagining how it would feel to make that a reality?

and if she fell pregnant during the off season he’d absolutely spend every second hovering over her, but he can’t afford to take the time off if it’s during the volleyball season - he’ll just have to fiddle with his home security system. it’s top of the line, the very best at keeping people out, it shouldn’t be too hard to alter it so that nobody gets in or out. and thank you!!

RHI THAT WAS SO GOOD OML THSNK YOU SO MUCH FOR FEEDING US 🤰🏻🤰🏻💛

ahh thank you, bby!

Settle was sooo good! i can’t verbalize how fantastic it is. When Hatori grows up, will Oikawa convince him that you’re his real mom? next, I’m guessing darling will hate Oikawa for forcing her to become his wife and bear his kids, but how does she feel about your kid (or kids in the future)? will she love them and pretend like youre a normal family? or will she try to run away post birth?

i actually think that oikawa would be honest with hatori (at least about who his birth mother is) you’re his mum, the one who raised him, who loves him, the only one who really matters, but if he asked oikawa would tell him about the fling, about how he was abandoned, how she didn’t want anything to do with him. 

as far as the reader’s feelings regarding hatori and her own future kids go, it’s hard to say. i don’t think she’d ever outright hate or resent them, even if she never wanted them, but they are what ties her to oikawa, so it’s complicated. i don’t think she’d ever be able to hold it against them, and with oikawa manipulating and isolating her, they’re all she has. they’re family, after all

ugh rhi that was delicious. i have some maybe thought provoking questions 😋 what would oikawa do if Hatori’s morher showed back up in the scene? also, does Oikawa genuinely love the reader? or is he doing this for the sake of Hatori to have a mother? as always, thanks for the food bby!

oikawa has absolutely no feelings (at least not positive ones) towards hatori’s birth mother. if she ever showed up wanting to be involved in his life, oikawa’d kick her to the curb. she had her chance, she gave him up and walked away, he won’t let her stroll back into the picture and fuck with the picture perfect family he has. and yes, oikawa genuinely loves the reader - not in a healthy way, but it’s selfishness that drives him to take her

shsisbsish head empty. only oikawa forcing me to bear his kids and become his pretty little housewife

the dream tbh

i’d like to personally thank and say i love you to 🐦 anon for sending in that genius prompt, and thank you miss rhi for so elegnatly executing it 🥰

birdie is a gift and deserves all the praise 

hello!! that recent fic was AMAZING! did the reader not suspect anything when oikawa set a picture of her and his son sleeping as his wallpaper? im sure he was already picturing a family with her by then

she definitely took it to be more of a teasing thing than anything else - caught in a compromising - albeit kinda cute - position by her employer. of course he’d want to embarrass her by making the pic his lock screen. if anything, she likely thought that he’d delete it later, or crop it so that it was just hatori. and thank you, bby!!

oh lord imagine how the pregnancy would be? oikawa as your overly doting and protective soon-to-be-husband and having to still care for his son WHILE dealing with your stomach expanding to accommodate his child and breasts filling with milk? please thats all i want 🤡

oikawa’d be sure to take care of his pretty, pregnant girl - whether she wants him to or not 👀

Settle was amazing!!! I love the way you write oikawa so much!!!

thank you so much, sweetheart!!

idk how to explain it but for me, your writing has a really good balance of dialogue, action, and introspection into the characters' thoughts. it makes it flow really well/ compelling to read!

hhhhh are you trying to make me cry, bby?? 

[misterbitches]

some thots. having a bad time so this is rougher than usual. oh well

....

i guess he really does know hiim best cos if that was my mans (man specifically cos if anyone else did that id take it more srsly) i would be like oh my god ur singing me a love song? i would love it but i woudl SCREAM in embarrassment. UNLESS it was a really deep love song that's about us dying together.

like i want to eat ur skin type of thing (drain u nirvana) lmaoa but i really like this song it reminds me of that velvet underground song (the only one i know cos of juno lmao) and nico or whatever 'i'm sticking with you)

my adhd would be out of fucking control i had to spend my time listening to this looking around i kept getting distracted by a tissue and thinking "wow this song is nice but i wish it would end bc i am getting distracted" and lo and behold i paused it and i have to pee and i know it's gonna take forever to undo this

ok about 12m later i turned it back on and they kissed and then he bit the corn then that night li chen also lost his virgin teas after watching gay porn and being like "hm interesting" and he'll be like "i see, ur dick is not medium sized"

i'm honestly gagging i cannot at this 12 year old marrying his mom

beautiful theyre beautiful

ayea you fucking psycho we do too because he was 17 and we had to witness it (or well, other people did cos i didnt watch the show even tho wayne song is [BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEP] and i want him to [BEEEEEEEP] and ppl even liked it which is fine like i get it in theory but they put this in my eyeballs so i'm gonna make fun of it bc it's fuckin DUMB lmao like i can't I CANNOT and he said "u were so persistent" BITCH UR 30??!?!???!?!?!?)capi hve it on mute and i tried to get a screencap of li chen and mu ren like together and not just his face but i cant find the timestamp and seeing their faces as they get married is literalyl traumattizing i'm like scremaing at my screen going "HE'S 5 HE'S 5 HE'S 5" and every time theyre like "we acn live forever together" like no bitch ur bones rae creaking

also is the officiator white? if anyone knows why or if that's common i'd love to know more. EDIT: HE ISN'T I JUST THOUGHT HE LOOKED LIKE MOBY FROM THAT ANGLE

anyway here

i'm almost done with this fucking bullshit and i am in a really ould mood and usu they make it a bit better but imo it's kind of....annoying i guess balancing all these story elements and introducin gother couples (even in the periphery) since the story in itself can't focus. i feel like all in all the time spent with these two is a lot more limited and we get the feel for the rship because of their chemistry as actors, irl chemistry as friends and colleagues, and hopefully being happy and working on a good set. so it isn't the strength of the writing or production.

for some reason they get like less dynamic ways of being together which i think is part of their charm, they do things their own way, but the writers really should have substantiated this more. it's really just the way everyone in the show has managed to deliver these AWFUL story lines and production decisions (like seriously who the fuck was on costume? lighting?)

like maybe hot take but all the moments that are cringe and insane in the show are not pleasant, per se, because they aren't thought out clearly. so they're not a joy to watch in the normal sense but the actors are good enough to pull it off. i didn't cringe at the talks they had because it felt like actors like acting these lines out instead of us being embarrassed for it and you CAN TELL theyre embarrassed.

this is a huge kudos to the casting director and the actors and whatever crew that actually did a good job. i don't particularly like watching bo xiang and his grandfather husband not because of the content but because i feel like, to me, they're so awkward even though they have chemistry. i don't have that issue with xing si and his rapist brother boyfriend because watching them is actually really pleasant, it's intimate. this isn't to do with the story though because when it hits you how devoid this other person is and how stupid the situation is it changes (for me, for me, for me, this is all my opinion think whateverrrr u want im not telling u 2 ok!)

so truly kudos to this cast. idk if i'm misremembering here but imo the most cast appropriate series in this was crossing the line and close to you. one is a decent atmosphere and execution (yes even with that brother story line, notice the major key differences though because that's a sincere false equivalence. they try to execute power imbalances soooo badly and then fail every time but here's one meant to shock too and it was just likelmao ok girl?)

it may not make sense to say either in a writing way or for the character to do it but i believe that whoever the characters these people are supposed to be especially those super not well written on the page still get that message aacross (yong jie's actor is a good ex. not sure if i should ccongratulate him for having the worst job on earth and the worst character and his character is flat but. ostensibly they should let their actions speak for themselevs but what they do is they back themselves into a ccorner with unsuretyabout their characters or a dilemma that pops up they just want to excuse it. well guess hwat u couldnt do enough legwork. but to some extent the disposable side couple works here on a um "our eyes see them and get it" way

also to me it seems like they chose this story just to have this specific wedding. like it's a timely topic and i'm pretty sure like another provision? (correction? idk) was made WRT taiwanese same-sex marriage so it's topical but it isn't like a "papa and daddy" situation where they're interacting in it and there (for ex: the pride parade) and there being like real life terms and consequences. here it seems like they were like ah yes wedding ah yes dumb couple from modc bc we kiled off the other one sooooo (then outsource them to life love on the line u__u) then hamfisting in some fucking message which is funny bc

- despite the hints peppered in and the clear attraction they both acknowledge ur like ~not gay just him~ even tho...i mean i just. again they dont read over what they write i don't think considering. but wahtever.

- the only gay dude (verbally said) is with his rapist brother with an awful power dynamic oh or IS a rapist (gao) (or his brother but i think it was just a "im a psycho so it's him" thing unless they said it. in which case idc cos i wasnt paying attn but that's also not great) or i guess the wedding but like....that's also a ridiculously inappropriate and dumb relationship taht it's built on. i mean i don't really see much respect her so i dont particularly want to hear abt gay weddings being important when they didn't even utilize it in the story beforehand and have we ever. this is a huge indication to me that it was a reverse engineered chosen story beforehand (if it was one) or thought of

soooooo

so reversal of that....it didnt give us enough time to breathe with these two at all but for both of the actors they can capitalize what's on the page and the writers didn't. like their dynamic is very i give/you give like taking car eof each other etc that's why

again, no artist worth their salt will ever say their work meant nothing. that's a cover up. i'm sick of lazy production and then getting away with it claiming being subversive or attacking an issue by not doing anything. we show crazy shit all the time but it has a POINT and ur point is "i like the gays" then girl.....i mean it's not great

but the acting really carried it. i have a feeling if this series continues it might continue to use more experienced actors cos maybe the budget goes up but they also have less inhibitions now when it comes to acting. i like the way li chen expresss himself and teng teng too. i like anson a lot and there's some angles that did not do any favors and i think eh has to get more control of his body movements (bc he's SO LARGE and thin) but he wasn't bad at all and there were real human tears. of course i, personally, favor charles tu. he has more control over his body because he has...less to work with and he's a bit bigger and he was really great in this role. he's a himbo a bit of a meathead but you like him. you like them. there's some things i think they had them say and do that they wouldn't let happen if they stuck to the characters and the story (mainly liking that dumb idiot rapist)

what i notice is that the reprehensible actions people criticize others for in the show and in real human life lalways gets turned around. teng teng being surprised that this boy's grandfather boyfriend met him when he was a junior in high school and he's 12 years older and him apologizing for being shocked and then whatshisface going "ur better at it than most people" and then the convo about gao with whatshisface and then rapist brother comes to pick him up. they are admonishing gao but thinking that rapist brother is noble for doin gwhat he did (and oh rapist brother shows up) like the hypocrisy and the decisions are immense. so now it's like "guys see he's a great guy" like girl STICK TO SOMETHING but whatever so i live in this universe where muren and li chen do everything right and have lots of different interesting fun seex with all their friends. i would write this but i cannot i am dying

[teentitanimals]

im working on a BIG Batfamily project, and WOW have i realized how much harder this is gonna be than i first thought it was... for now, have an excerpt- or, rather, Selina Kyle’s information card of the project :) im pretty proud of this! information and story subject to change

Selina Kyle-Wayne

birth name: Selina Calabrese

Main Alias: Catwoman

Other Aliases: Catbird (in Gothtopia), The Cat, The Cat Burglar, Irena Dubrovna

Current Age: ~46 (When first CW; 21. When had HK; 36. Retires CW; ~55. At death; ~70.)

Birthdate: March 14th (Alternatively; March 31st)

Hair Color: Black

Hair Length: Short

Eye Color: Green

Race/Ethnic/Skin Color: Half-Cuban; Possibly Italian, Scottish, and/or Latina descendant (White)

Sexuality: Bisexual

Gender: Female (She/her)

Height: ~5’11” (Tall)

Weight: ~146lbs (Sorta Heavy)

Build: Slender, Curvy

Biological Parents: Maria Kyle, Rex Calabrese

Step-Father: Brian Kyle

Alleged Father: Carmine Falcone

Biological Sister: Magdalene “Maggie” Kyle-Burton

Biological Half-Brother: Aiden Mason

Brother-in-Law: Simon Burton

Biological Cousins: Nick Calabrese, Antonia Calabrese

Alleged Siblings: Sofia Falcone, Alberto Falcone, Mario Falcone

Surrogative Sister: Holly Robinson

Ex-Lovers: Sam Bradley Jr., Eiko Hasigawa, Moreland McShane

Husband: Bruce Wayne

Parents-in-Law: Thomas Wayne, Martha Wayne

Siblings-in-Law: Thomas Wayne Jr. (On Earth-3), Rochelle Wayne (in Elseworlds: Reign of Terror)

Surrogative Father-in-Law: Alfred Pennyworth

Surrogative Sister-in-Law: Julia Pennyworth

Cousins-in-Law: Kate Kane, Beth Kane, Bette Kane

Surrogate Daughter: Arizona

Biological Children: Helena Kyle, Helena Wayne (from Earth-2)*, “Aion” Wayne (In Batman in Bethlehem)

*(HC; Helena is legally her adopted daughter on Earth-1.)

Step-Children: Damian Wayne, Athanasia al Ghul, The Heretic (clone of DW), Tallant Wayne (clone of DW), Alina Wayne (maybe), Bruce Wayne Jr. (On Earth-3839), Dick Grayson, Lance Bruner, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Cass Cain, Duke Thomas (maybe), Terry McGinnis, Matt McGinnis

Daughters-in-Law: Koriand’r, Dana Tan

Step-Grandchildren: Mar'i Grayson, Jake Grayson, John Grayson II (On Earth-2), Sasha Todd, Clark Wayne (On Earth-3839)

Step-Great-Granddaughters: Lois Wayne (On Earth-3839), Lara Wayne (On Earth-3839)

Catwoman Run: ~34 years

Succeeded By: Eiko Hasigawa, Holly Robinson, (First Name N/A) Black

Wikipedia. Batman Wiki. DC Database. DCAMU. Animated Series. Comic Vine.

(tw; self-harm, suicide, child abuse, illegal prostitution, drug addiction, sexual abuse, death)

Selina Calabrese was born to Rex Calabrese and Maria Calabrese with a sister two years older than her named Magdalene Calabrese. When Selina was very young, her mother escaped from Rex, also known as The Lion, leader of the Calabrese Crime Family, and became the husband to Brian Kyle, legally changing all their names to Maria Kyle, Maggie Kyle, and Selina Kyle. Maria had a son with him, Aiden Kyle. Their relationship was not healthy, with Maria being very suicidal and Brian being drunk and abusive. He would often yell at and harm Maria and her kids, and Maria, although she loved her kids, was distant, more often spending time with her cats. One day, Selina came home from school to find her mother dead in the tub, having cut her wrists until she bled out. A year later, Brian died from alcohol poisoning, and Selina called the police, packed her bags and ran away. Maggie and Aiden were taken to the orphanage, and Aiden, being fairly young, was almost immediately adopted by a family, where his name was changed to Aiden Mason. His contact with his half-sisters was cut off, although he would eventually seek them out as an older teen and young adult. Maggie was adopted after a few months, and was raised very religiously. She kept in contact with Selina best she could.

On the streets, Selina would steal food, clothing and other material from grocery stores. She was eventually caught and put in the orphanage. She acted out a lot, causing her to be sent to Juvenile Hall. When she turned age 13, she was sent back to the orphanage. There, she realized the place was embezzling money. To make sure she never told anyone, they put her in a bag and dropped her in a river. Selina managed to escape, and then stole documentary proof of their embezzlement to give to the police, some money for herself, and her own files in hopes of reuniting with her brother or sister. Instead, she found out that Brian was not her birth father, and that her father was an unknown mobster man. Selina continued living on the streets, stealing food and jewelry to meet her own, as the money she stole would not last forever. She would be taken in by an old thief gang leader named Mama Fortuna, who treated the kids under her care like slaves. Eventually, Selina would run away with a friend from the gang named Sylvia. They could not survive on their own and always had a shortage of money, and Sylvia took up prostitution to support them both, and grew to hate Selina for it. They parted ways.

When Selina was 17, she began illegally working as a prostitute under an abusive pimp named Stan. She stumbled upon a 13-year-old Holly Robinson who was being sexually abused by a cop. Selina beat the cop up, inspiring Holly who said that was the first time anybody had shown her she could fight back. The two became roommates. To pay for living expenses and food, Selina continued stealing, and Holly eventually became an illegal prostitute too when she was 16, despite Selina being against it. Her underage status resulted in Stan getting into a fight with a drifter, who, unbeknownst to them, was Bruce Wayne in disguise. A few weeks later, Holly would wake Selina up to show her Batman, still new and fresh, beating up corrupt police officer and former Commissioner Branden. Selina, inspired by how someone can don a costume and have everyone either be happy or terrified to see him that she can do the same too, would confront and fight Stan about his abuse, officially having her and Holly quit prostitution. She spent money to buy an expensive costume- her first Catwoman costume. She robbed a local store, and one of the security guards called her “Catwoman”, which she liked and chose to be her name. Stan, wanting revenge on Selina and Holly for quitting, kidnaps Maggie. After a few days, Selina locates him, saves her sister, and beats him to death in a rage as Catwoman. Selina informs Maggie of her new persona, who disagrees heavily, especially seeing as she killed a man, but promises to keep quiet.

The police investigate Selina and Holly, and one police officer sexually harasses Holly. Enraged, Selina went out as Catwoman with intent to kill him, but Batman intervened and made her see how her anger blinded her. Terrified she was a danger to Holly, she sent Holly to live in a convent with Maggie, who was a nun (although she would later give up her nunage to marry her husband, Simon Burton). Catwoman would begin her crime life properly, crossing paths with the likes of the Joker, the Riddler, Poison Ivy, and others, and flirting with Batman, of course. While Selina continued on to be a thief as Catwoman for the next few years, Holly felt she did not fit in the convent, and eventually found herself back on the streets. She got addicted to drugs and went back into prostitution.

While Holly was away, Selina temporarily got a new roommate, a young blonde girl nicknamed Arizona who reminded Selina a lot of Holly. She took her under her wing, and Arizona acted like her sidekick for a while, before she eventually found her own feeting and started a life on her own. She still kept close contact with Selina, though.

After five years, a gang leader named Bone killed a close friend of Selina’s named Lola MacIntire, who knew Selina was Catwoman and let her crash at her place after her apartment was destroyed. Bone wanted revenge after Catwoman had stolen from him. This devastated Selina, who viewed it as completely her fault. At Lola’s funeral, Selina encountered her old friend, Gwen Altamont, and the two began working together. Catwoman stole cars for Gwen, and encountered a metahuman thief named Spark while on the job. Catwoman convinces Gwen to let her work with Spark, and the two plan to rob Penguin of the fifth dagger they need to complete a set of valuable knives. Catwoman stakes out at the restaurant Penguin likes to eat at a day before he would be there, which Spark questions why they are doing so a day before. Catwoman notices a young hooker getting tranquilized and dragged into a van. Catwoman leaps into action, Spark soon following. They save the girl, and, after questioning local prostitutes, find out there have been multiple kidnappings and murders like this. Catwoman investigates and plans to defeat the kidnappers. After failing to stop a kidnapper in the act, Catwoman contacts Detective Carlos Alvarez, a detective who has been chasing her tail but that she knows is a genuinely good cop, for help. They track the kidnapper, Matilda Mathis aka Dollhouse, the daughter of Dollmaker, to a mansion. Catwoman fights Dollhouse, but Batman interrupts their fight, allowing both to escape. Catwoman questions her ability to be a vigilante, knowing she’s a better thief.

After those series of murders to other prostitutes, Holly quits being a prostitute and heads to her and Selina’s old apartment. She is pleasantly surprised to find Selina lived there after the destruction of her other apartment, and the two reunited. Holly began working as a spy of sorts for Catwoman, gathering information of what was happening on the streets of East End. Although she eventually stopped taking drugs after living with Selina for a few months, she felt concerned that she was still looking at the world through the eyes of a junkie to gather intel. During this time period, the Scarecrow releases a gas that makes everyone believe they are in a utopia- Gothtopia. There, Selina believed she was Catbird, partner to Batman. Where Batman could see glimpses of reality, Catbird just thought him delusional. While people who could see through the illusion questioned their sanity and committed suicide, Catbird began investigating a criminal named Steeljacket, who was also convinced their reality was an illusion. Steeljacket explained that the suit he was wearing kept him alive and he needed her thievery skills to get him the money to repair it. Catbird helped him, and the familiar adrenaline rush of a robbery made her remember her real identity of Catwoman. After Batman freed the city from Scarecrow’s toxin, Catwoman reminded him of how they shared both a partnership and a true romantic relationship in Gothtopia. Batman denied the extent of his romantic feelings, even though the toxin showed them both what they wanted to see.

A few years later, Black Mask, who held a vendetta against Catwoman, kidnapped her sister Maggie and Simon, killed Simon, and then forced Maggie to eat her husband’s eyes, driving her insane. Black Mask also kidnapped and beat Holly with the help of an old childhood friend of Catwoman, Sylvia. Catwoman kills Black Mask, Holly kills Sylvia, and they save Maggie, who is put in a psychiatric institute. Holly isolated herself and nearly fell back onto old habits. Selina decided Holly needed time to heal outside of Gotham City and needed proper training, so she sent Holly to a rural safehouse where she trained in hand-to-hand combat with Ted Grant. Selina and Slam Bradley, a detective friend of Selina’s, located Holly’s long lost brother Davey, and the two reunited.

Eventually, Black Mask was revived by a Black Lantern, and immediately sought out Maggie, threatening to kill her and anyone else Catwoman cared about. Catwoman, with the help of Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy, defeated Black Mask again. Maggie escaped, and no longer wanted anything to do with Selina, blaming her for her insane condition and Simon’s death, and believing Selina was possessed by a cat demon. Maggie sought out Sister Agatha to exorcise her sister, but when Maggie saw Agatha’s cat, she snapped and killed Agatha’s cat and then Agatha because she believed Agatha was in league with Selina’s cat demon. Maggie then searched through Agatha’s relics and tools, stumbling upon a supernatural substance in a container that warped Maggie’s sense of reality further. To Maggie, an angel was released and claimed it would help her destroy Selina’s cat demon. Maggie finds Selina and Harley Quinn and attacks them with heightened abilities. Harley refers to Maggie as “Sister Zero”, and then becomes possessed by the “angel”’s influence. Catwoman manages to get through to Harley, confusing her enough to escape Maggie’s control. Selina forces Maggie to escape, who starts to formulate a new plan to save her sister’s soul. The angel told her to team up with Azrael and Crusader during Gotham’s Judgement Day, which she does. Maggie believes she is her sister’s test of faith, which means either Selina will get cleansed of her cat demon, or Maggie will die. But in the end, when Maggie has a chance to end Selina’s life, she can’t bring herself to do it. Maggie ends up back in a psychiatric institute and starts to slowly heal, although sometimes Sister Zero breaks out.

Holly begins a relationship with a girl named Karon, who she moves into the apartment of. She also becomes the supervisor of a group of street kids known as the Alleytown Gang, training them to act like the spies and informants of Catwoman’s network. Unbeknownst to Holly, Selina had grown tired of seeing her role as Catwoman ruin her life over and over. Selina burned her suit, but would be forced to don it again after a woman named Roulette contacted her about a competition between thieves that threatened the lives of children. Catwoman got a new suit and raced to save the lives of the children. After competing in several rounds, she realized that there never were any real children in danger. Roulette had actually been hired by a man named Hunt Stone who wanted any evidence that connected his ancestors to a famous murder stolen and erased. Selina began sabotaging every aspect of her strictly regimented and planned out days, until Roulette was forced to declare her the winner of the Race of Thieves to make her stop. During this time where Selina went missing, Holly acted as Catwoman to keep other criminals at bay.

With Catwoman I back in action, Oracle asks Catwoman, Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn to keep an eye on Vicki Vale, who has evidence on the members of the Batfamily that need to be destroyed. Selina notices an artifact in Vicki’s possession that she had once stolen. It reminds her of the days when Batman used to chase her, and she reminisces on them. Her flashback is interrupted as Harley breaks into the room they were monitoring, wanting to get her hyenas back because they had stolen them from her. Vicki bolts out of the room, and they lose her trail, but Selina managed to get her phone number. She planted a fake call to lead Vicki out of her apartment, allowing Selina to break in and take pictures of her Batwall, which Batman and Oracle needed. Selina reminisces about her crime life.

When a mysterious malefactor came to Gotham with a yearlong plan to ruin Batman’s life, Catwoman began investigating into the turf war between the Penguin and newly returned mobster Carmine Falcone. She was captured by Falcone for causing him grief years ago and he nearly killed her, but Professor Pyg attacked Falcone, having a vendetta against him. Catwoman plans to kill Falcone, who she suspects might be her biological father, but before she can, Batman intervenes. She leaves Falcone and his mob to Batman, but sometime later while trying and failing to stop a deal to sell a baby snow leopard for its fur, a young girl locates Selina. She tells Selina that her father wanted her to attend a meeting in Blackgate Penitentiary. Her real father was Rex Calabrese, the crime boss from whom Falcone had taken power. Selina declined the request at first, but a street kid named Jade came to find her next, informing her the girl before her was killed by gang violence. Selina asked Rex for his guidance in becoming a mob boss herself to keep the mobsters in check from killing any other kids. The leadership of the Calabrese Family and the ownership of the Egyptian Nightclub were passed onto her as the legal heir. Catwoman, wanting to make sure Batman knew she was still on the side of good despite becoming the head of a crime family, told Batman everything she knew about the group of Arkham escapees still on the loose. After she got invited to a secret weapons sale that were actually weapons stolen from Batman’s own supply, Catwoman began to research high bounties in Gotham, and was tipped onto Stephanie Brown. Catwoman kidnapped her without realizing she was the current Batgirl. She was rescued by Batman and the situation was resolved. Soon Batman got captured by Lincoln March, and rioting broke out across the city. Selina forced her people to help prevent the riots while also secretly making strategic thefts to further her causes. During this time, Selina gave up her Catwoman mantle to Eiko Hasigawa, a heir to the rival Hasigawa crime family, and a love interest of Selina’s.

Eiko’s time as Catwoman was short-lived, though, as Eiko and Selina merged the Hasigawa and Calabrese families, leaving Eiko as their leader while Selina went back to her normal life… Sort of. She realized she was pregnant from a one-night stand with Sam Bradley Jr., and Holly Robinson took on the mantle of Catwoman at Selina’s request. Selina made up a fake identity, Irena Dubrovna, to peacefully give birth to her daughter, legally known as Helena Dubrovna. Sam Jr. had died by the time Selina realized she was pregnant, but his father, Slam Bradley, wanted to provide for his new granddaughter. Selina could not resist the thrill of Catwoman, and donned the suit alongside Holly a few times. Unfortunately, Film Freak and Angle Man had deduced where Selina lived after catching the two Catwomen on film, and kidnapped Helena. Selina easily rescued her daughter, and then had Zatanna Zatarra mindwipe the two villains of Selina’s identities. With Batman’s help, she faked “Irena” and Helena’s deaths, putting Helena up for adoption. She asked Zatanna to wipe her mind of knowledge about Helena so she wouldn’t put her in danger again, but Zatanna refused.

After returning to her solo role as Catwoman for nearly a year, Selina allowed herself to be arrested and sent to death row at Arkham Asylum for the murders of over two hundred terrorists. It was her friend, Holly, who had really committed the crime, but she trusted Batman would prove her innocence, therefore saving her and Holly’s lives. Nearly a year later, Helena Wayne, biological daughter of Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle, from Earth Never-Two passes into Earth Never-One and gets trapped. Helena meets this world’s Selina Kyle. The two become close, with Helena still mourning the death of her mother in her universe and Selina missing her daughter. Selina was worried that being too close to her alternate universe daughter might lead her to the same fate as her Helena Kyle, but this Helena was an experienced adult who had lived through an Apokoliptian war. She was a capable vigilante who could hold her own perhaps even better than Selina herself, and Selina felt her concerns fade away. After another year passes, Selina asks if she can adopt Helena Wayne, despite Helena being 21-years-old. Helena, surprised, agrees. Almost a year after that, Bruce proposes to Selina and she accepts, becoming his wife.

Selina Kyle is, in general, highly flirtatious, seductive, and willing to use her looks and her charms to get what she wants- in fact she’s even proud of it. She’s also, much like her namesake, graceful, sly and light-footed, known as one of the greatest thieves out there. Despite her past of being an abused victim, she stands with her head high since she first donned the Catwoman suit (it can be quite enconfidating, that anonymity). She was never one to sit back and let herself or others get abused, and she sympathizes heavily with abused children, young women and sex workers especially. While her career as Catwoman started out to support herself and her friends, it eventually became an addictive adrenaline rush she couldn’t give up. Even though she’s ‘reformed’, she still has sticky fingers and loves the thrill of getting away with small robberies, especially when her husband is the Batman. She enjoys getting under his skin. She isn’t too big on black and white morality, instead choosing to do whatever is necessary for the situation. She’s not ‘above’ killing, but she’s no homicidal murderer, and it’s never her first option, although attacking her loved ones is a sure way to push her closer to the edge. Although admittedly in her earlier days, the empowerment of being Catwoman got to her head, and she let rage cloud her judgement, leading to her being more willing to brutally harm and kill. She’s very willing to take risks, enjoying the danger even, and she’s incredibly stubborn and persistent. She never had much of a villainous ego, nor does she have a superhero complex. She walks the line between the both with confidence, never worrying about being in the gray. Sometimes it ticks her off when Bruce and others think she should commit completely to one or the other, when she’s perfectly fine where she is.

Reblogs appreciated! Stay tuned for the finished project, which is this... but for every Batfam member ever

[horansqueen]

AM Conversations : chapter 33

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- you can send me questions and theories and comments. tbh they all make me SO SO SO SOOOO HAPPY! and make me want to write more! you can also tell me if there are things you WANT to happen. you never know, i may add it :P

- note for this chapter: sooo uhm, im not getting many comments these days sooo is this story still good? also, keep sending ideas for this story! i’ll try to add as many as i can. ALSO: if you guys know about things Niall did in 2016 and when he did it, MESSAGE ME! i really need a timeline, thanks!

Chapter 33 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

The pub was not too crowded and as soon as I sat at a table, Niall sent me a smile and bent down slightly to kiss me. Every single time, it made my whole body throb. I think the fact that we were together now hadn't sunk in yet and when he kissed me, it still felt unreal, like I was imagining it or simply hoping for it. But it was true, and every time it hit me, I felt a wave of excitement wash over me.

"I'll get us beer, just find a table."

I frowned as he left until I realized he meant a pool table. I got up again, happy that I left my purse in the car, and grabbed two sticks and a rack. Niall came back and handed me my beer before taking one of the sticks. I put my mug on the nearest table and tilted my head as I looked at him apply chalk to the tip. Just looking at him doing that made me realize I was going to lose, there was no doubt about it.

"So, you're gonna show me how to play?" I asked, feeling my lips curl as he looked up at me.

"Yeah." he smirked, grabbing the rack before looking up at me. "Just so I can put my arms around you."

"And feel my ass against your crotch." I added, rolling my eyes with a smile. "I've seen those movies, too."

This time, he laughed and handed me the chalk and I did exactly what he did with it only a few seconds ago. He placed the balls in the rack and took it off, leaning against the table with his stick, ready to start. I stared at him as he licked his lips before looking up at me and raising his eyebrows.

"It doesn't matter." he just started, giving a short and quick hit on the balls. "All that matters is that i'm gonna win."

My eyes followed the balls and I raised my nose up, biting my bottom lip. Of course he was going to win, there was no doubt about it, but I would definitely try my best. It was not until he put himself behind me and moved his arms around me that I finally relaxed and decided that victory wasn't that important, after all.

"Okay, place your hands like that."

I felt my eyes flutter at the feeling of his breath on the skin of my neck while his hands grabbed mine ti place them on the stick and my lips curled before I turned my head slightly to look at him. He noticed my gaze and moved his head slightly my way, sending me back my smile. Our lips were almost touching and I liked it.

"Liv, focus." he insisted, raising his eyebrows but still smiling.

"I am." I argued low. "I'm focusing on the most important thing in this room."

His eyes dropped to my lips and without thinking I licked them quickly. To say I loved Niall was an understatement and to say I lusted him was an euphemism. I needed to get rid of those fears as soon as I could to live this relationship the only way it should be lived : intensely and plenty.

"How about you do like those movies you just talked about?"

This time, it made me chuckle and slowly, I pushed my ass against him. I watched as he closed his eyes and it made me chuckle again. He groaned and I did all I could to stop myself from kissing him.

"I'm buying a pool table tomorrow." he just pointed out, pushing himself against me and making me raise my eyebrows.

"Why?"

"Just so I can fuck you on it."

I let out a laughter and put the sticks away on the table, turning in his arms to face him and wrapping my arms around his neck. His face expression changed and I noticed fondness in the way he was looking at me. I wanted him to kiss me and somehow, I felt like he wanted it too, but he glanced around and finally took a step back, grabbing his stick back.

"Too much pda always turns into way too many online articles." he pointed out with a weird smile. "Trust me."

I couldn't hide the hurt on my face but at the same time, I understood. I knew that by dating Niall, it would never be a 'normal' relationship. Of course, it was a bit harder for me to understand because I was not a celebrity and that's probably why Niall dated girls who knew exactly what it meant, even if sometimes, they didn't feel the same way about how to handle things, like with Maya and that instagram picture. I almost wanted to go back home now so I wouldn't have to check every single action i would do but I decided it was not worth ruining our first official date.

We finished the game and although I lost, I realized how much fun it was to be with him, just like it was when we were just best friends. it made me think that we would never be just best friends anymore, that time was over. We would either always stay together as lovers, or break up and become ex lovers and maybe even stop talking completely. That thought made my heart twist in my chest but I quickly shook my head to get rid of it. Niall and I had been dating for about 24 hours, it was ridiculous to be afraid of something like this for now.

We quickly finished our drinks and walked back in the cold weather of winter. It started snowing though and the cold wasn't as rough as it was a few hours earlier. I felt his fingers grip mine as we walked back to the car and I squeezed them quickly.

"I'm sorry." he let out after a few minutes of silence. "I didn't want to ruin this date."

I felt my heart melt and my traits softened as I turned my head to send him a smile. It was so futile, so unimportant, and I didn't want to put energy into analyzing it.

"You didn't."

He stopped right in front of his car and turned to me, his hands reaching for my face and I tilted my chin up, waiting for his lips to meet mine. His mouth was warm and it was a great contrast with the rest of my body. The kiss was slow but deep and I just decided to enjoy this pda he was not supposed to give me.

"Come on, let's go back home." he whispered, his lips brushing against mine.

"Which one?" I asked with a grin, making him chuckle and smile too.

"I was thinking mine, but I can bring you back to yours if you prefer."

We stared at each other for a few seconds and I finally shook my head, making him peck my lips again. The ride home was silent, but not an awkward silence, and when he parked in his driveway, we both got out and walked to the door. He searched through his pockets and groaned before sighing.

"Just a second, I think I forgot my keys in my car."

I nodded and watched him leave but finally leaned on the door as I grabbed my cellphone to check the notifications I could have received. I didn't really have time to see anything and I jumped in surprise when a snowball hit me on the arm. My jaw dropped and I frowned, half-shocked and half insulted, and my eyes moved up only to see my boyfriend smirking at me and raising his eyebrows.

"Bet you didn't see that coming, did ya?"

Slowly, I put my phone back in my purse and left it next to the door before walking down the few stairs and closer to him, but still remaining at a fair distance.

"You planned this, didn't you?"

He chuckled and smirked even more.

"Oh ya, the minute I proposed that date." he confessed without shame. "I know you, you're proud enough to play the game."

I pressed my lips together and my nose raised up, a bit annoyed that he was right. I bent down to grab snow in my hand, molding it into a ball with both my hands and just shrugged.

"I am." I just admitted. "This game though, you're gonna lose."

I threw my ball as fast as I could but he started running and without thinking, I ran after him as he laughed.

"Wow, Liv!" he let out sarcastically with an other laughter. "You only missed by like, a mile!"

"Shut up, Niall!" I let out a bit too loud, grabbing more snow quickly as I kept running before throwing it at him.

He laughed again and I dodged one of his snowballs with my elbow, feeling my heart jump in my chest knowing how close it was to my face.

"You're gonna pay for that!"

This time, I caught his chest and he looked so surprised that I had time to throw him an other snowball that hit his right leg. I don't know how long it lasted but I ended up tripping on my own feet and grabbing myself on the back of his coat, making us both fall on the ground. I could hear him pant in-between laughs and I did too with a big smile on my lips. I stared up at the sky, watching the snowflakes fall from the black sky and came to the conclusion that I was happy. I had never felt happier in all my life.

Niall rolled around and ended up on top of me, hiding a big part of the sky from me, but my lips curled in a fond smile. The sight of him with snowflakes falling around his head was incredible and I wanted to remember it forever.

"I love you, Niall." I let out without thinking.

His face softened and his eyes roamed on my face before he moved closer and kissed me again. His lips were cold now but he tasted just as good. I could feel his nose rub gently against mine as he moved his head to kiss me from a different angle. I didn't move. I didn't even bring my arms around him. I just took it all in, all the love and affection he was giving me. It was like a tank I needed to fill and it had been almost empty for so long that I felt like It would never overflow.

"I love you too, Olivia."

I kept my eyes closed as he talked and after a while, he moved off of me and got up. I opened my eyes but didn't move and finally just started moving my arms and legs to make an angel in the snow. It made him laugh and when I was done, he held his hands out for me to help me up, making sure the angel I made remained intact.

"Cold?"

I chuckled but nodded frenetically.

"Okay, how about cuddling inside?"

                                                         ---

It took us about fifteen minutes to get inside, get changed, get prepared, and end up in his bed. I stared at the ceiling as I waited for him and when he got out of the bathroom, I expected him to turn the light off but instead, he walked up to me and pulled the covers off me to lay on top of me.

"I'm better than blankets to keep you warm." he just pointed out, making me smile.

His smile reached mine and he kissed me again, holding himself on his elbows on each side of my head. It always felt incredible when we kissed and I didn't care how cheesy and eye-rolling it could sound. I wanted to feel my heart jump in my chest every time his lips touched mine for the rest of my life.

"You know what you asked me when we were eating?" I let out in a low tone, making him frown and back away slightly.

"Maybe we could do that now." I proposed after he nodded.

His eyes traveled from my eyes to my lips and back to my eyes.

"You don't have to if you're not ready, no pressure, you know that, right?"

His voice was soft and it made a shiver run in my back, making my lips curl into a fond smile.

"I really want to."

This time, his smile changed into an amused and happy one and he moved off of me to sit in bed. I did the same, leaning against the headboard, and started nibbling on my bottom lip. I was scared, a bit embarrassed, too, and I could feel my whole body throb due to how nervous I was suddenly. I swallowed and breathed in but when he put his hand on my knee, I felt my body relax a bit.

"Take your time."

It was ridiculous to be so stressed for something to normal, right? Was it normal to be scared that my own boyfriend wouldn't find me attractive? To be scared that I would look stupid? Was it normal to be scared that I wouldn't turn him on?

I squirmed a bit to take my pants off and let them fall on the floor, next to his bed, and spread my legs a bit. His eyes immediately fell down as I slipped my hand over my panties, making him look up at me.

"Last time you did that, you were thinking about me." he reminded me. "Are you gonna think about me this time, too?"

I let out a low chuckle and nodded, licking my lips and leaning my head on the headboard too. I slid two fingers on my slit and my legs tensed a bit. The way he was looking at me was turning me on and I couldn't stop thinking about how good it would feel to finally make love with him, to feel him deep inside me for the very first time. I was getting horny and I could feel myself get wet as I pressed my fingers against my panties more.

"Petal, please." he let out in a very low tone. "Take your panties off."

"Do it yourself."

Without waiting, he slid his fingers in the hem of my panties and I moved my ass up to help him before he dropped them on top of my pants, on the floor. Both his hands reached for my knees and he spread them as I held my breath. I knew he had seen me naked only a few hours before but I couldn't help but be nervous about it.

"Fuck..."

He was staring between my legs and i brought my hand back over my pussy, sliding a finger on my slit and biting my bottom lip hard. I pushed two fingers inside me and his lips parted. I brought my other hand, using two fingers to rub my clit too as I fucked myself slowly and gently and I heard him groan. He moved closer and reached for the bottom of my shirt, moving it up over my breasts and running his fingertips gently on them. I felt my eye roll back at the feeling it brought me and I let out a soft whimper. I started finger fucking myself harder, bringing myself closer to an orgasm, and when I opened my eyes, I saw my boyfriend palming himself through his sweatpants.

"Do it." I just said, waiting patiently until he took his dick out and my legs tenses again.

I looked at him stroking his cock while looking at me masturbating and I didn't know if the sight or the thought was more exciting.

"I can literally hear how wet you are, fuck."

He groaned again and it brought a rush inside me, making me close my legs and stop touching myself.

"No, no please."

With his free hand, he pulled on one of my knees and stared again between my legs, his hand still around his cock, and I could barely believe it was happening.

"Don't stop, just cum." he let out in a low but firm tone. "I want to watch you cum."

I did as I was told, biting my lip harder than before as I kept touching myself. My eyes kept traveling from his face to his hand and it only took a few minutes for me to reach an orgasm.

"Niall, i'm cumming..."

I didn't need to tell him. I started shaking and moaning louder as my eyes fluttered close. I kept touching myself through my orgasm and all the nervousness and stress suddenly left my body. I felt lighter and my lips curled before I opened my eyes again. The way his hand moved harder on his cock made my heart jump in my chest. Without thinking, I dropped down on the floor and put myself between his legs, looking up in his eyes.

"You really don't have-"

I didn't let him finish, I just took his dick in my mouth, feeling it slide on my tongue, and started sucking on it. He let out a curse word and I started going quicker and harder on him. I felt his fingers slide in my hair and grip it, holding my head down for a few seconds as he moaned a bit louder.

"Fuck, you're gonna make me cum."

The thought made me feel dizzy again and I brought one of my hands on his cock to stroke him at the same time while the other one reached for his balls. His hand grabbed my hair tighter and he stopped moving as he came. I felt the taste of his cum invade my mouth and tried to swallow what I could, feeling some slip out of my lips. He finally let go of my hair and I pulled away, wiping my mouth quickly and sitting on my legs. My knees hurt despite the carpet on the floor and I felt embarrassed for a reason I ignored.

I felt his hand under my chin and looked up as his thumb started brushing against my cheek. He sent me a satisfied and fond smile and I grinned back softly at him.

"You didn't have to, but thank you." he whispered, his eyes never leaving mine. "I love you."

I moved back up on my knees and he bent down to kiss me. I was a bit surprised when he deepened the kiss but I didn't say anything and let him taste himself for a while. When he pulled away, he smiled again and made a quick head movement before laying down in bed. I got up and walked to the door to turn the lights off before joining him in bed. We remained silent for a few minutes and I finally turned my head his way.

"Was it okay?"

He turned his head to look at me and I blinked a few times as I tried to get used to the darkness.

"Which part?"

"Everything." I just shrugged.

"It was perfect." he quickly answered, now turning his whole body my way and bringing his hand on my cheek. "Everything was perfect. You're perfect."

I chuckled a bit and shook my head but decided not to argue with him.

"Thank you for trusting me."

His words hit me hard and I realized he seemed to know exactly how I felt and how tough it could be for me. I didn't think he could understand but he was proving me the opposite and it made my heart melt. I have loved Niall my whole life but I knew I had never loved him more than now that we were together. I was seeing him in a different way, a way I never thought i'd get to live... a way I desperately needed. I was the luckiest person in the world and I knew it.

                                                       --

When Niall decided we would decorate his tree a few days later, it made me roll my eyes. We did it every year, it was true, but it was the first time we did it as a couple. I knew how anal Niall could be though and I knew how perfect his tree had to be.

"Ditch the white lights, let's add colors this year!"

He turned to me and glared at me, making me roll my eyes as he placed a box of decorations on the floor.

"You need to make concessions sometimes, Niall, you know?"

He opened the box and grabbed the boring white lights before raising his eyebrows at me.

"Babe, I love you, but this is my tree, and i'll decorate it the way I want to."

I pouted jokingly and shrugged, grabbing the lights with him as we started placing them around the tree.

"I thought it was our tree, now."

He stopped moving for a few seconds before letting out a short chuckle.

"Nice try." he let out, making me laugh.

We finished the tree and as I was looking at it with a smile, I felt something around touch me and laughed again when I saw Niall putting a tinsel around my neck before pulling on it to bring me closer.

"You're crazy!"

"Mmhm." he just replied, bringing his lips on mine and kissing me gently. "Thanks for helping me with the tree."

I didn't answer but kissed him deeper, closing my eyes as butterflies started hitting the inside of my stomach again. The kiss was slow and good, and when he pulled away, he smiled at me again.

"You remember we're leaving tomorrow?"

I nodded quickly and licked my lips. I hadn't prepared my stuff yet and I knew I would probably rush in the morning and forget a few things but It was one of the things I hated the most doing when it came to traveling. I also knew Niall's bags were ready and had been for a while and although I should follow his example, I was a lazy ass who didn't really care about it.

"You should pack your stuff." he added as if he could read my mind.

I chuckled and nodded, raising my nose in a grimace.

"I knoooow, I just don't feel like it."

He laughed and his eyes roamed on my face before he raised his eyebrows and sighed.

"If you do it, i'll give you one of your presents tonight." he suggested, making me hold my breath. "If you don't then you'll have to open all your gifts at my mom's."

My eyes seemed to illuminate and my smile got as big as it was humanly possible.

"Okay! I'll do it I promise!"

"Nuh-huh!" he shook his head with an other chuckle. "You think I don't know you? You pack and then i'll give you your present."

"Unfair!"

"Very fair!" he argued with a chuckle. "Besides, if I give it to you first, you'll find a million excuses not to pack."

I groaned low and grimaced again. We both knew he was right and I just sighed and rushed to our room to pack. I tried to bring only a few pieces of clothing but ended up with too much and I had to put some back in Niall's drawers. I also added a lot of 'just in case' stuff knowing perfectly well that I wouldn't use them and when I was finally done, I walked back to the living room. I thought Niall would be sitting on the couch but he was actually sitting in front of the tree with a beer, staring at it. I sat on my knees next to him and slowly, he turned to look my way and handed me his beer. I grabbed it and took a sip before handing it back to him.

"All set?"

I smiled and nodded and without a word, he handed me a box. It was about the size of a pocket book and I pressed my lips together, taking it slowly. I had no idea what it was but I knew Niall made the best gifts.

"It's literally nothing." he shrugged, putting his beer away. "But I know your romantic ass likes meaningful things like that, and I wanted you to have it anyway."

I frowned a bit but unwrapped the box before opening it, now extremely curious on what was hidden in it. My heart skipped a beat when I noticed a napkin laying in top of red silk papers and took it off before unfolding it. My eyes roamed on the words written and I recognized the song... my song.

"I was at a bar when I thought about this song." he started, licking his lips. "It's only the first draft, and it was all I had to write it down but I kept it, just in case I couldn't remember the lyrics the next day I mean, I was a bit hammered." he laughed a bit but became serious again. "I couldn't stop thinking about you, Olivia. And honestly, I haven't stopped thinking about you since then either."

I looked up at me, feeling my heart beat all over my body and finally moved closer to press my lips softly against his.

"No matter what else you give me, nothing will top this." I whispered against his mouth. "Thank you."

[ohlukcs]

( alex wolff, male ) did you hear how LUKAS TOZER is applying to columbia university as a FILM & MEDIA STUDIES major ?! the 19 year old is living in the WALLACH HALL. i heard that they got in because they are + PASSIONATE and +THOUGHTFUL, but honestly i think HE can be -ASSUMING and -CYNICAL. they’re a real MAVERICK. oh well, only time will tell if the SOPHOMORE will make it til the end.

about the mun !!

hi hello my name is sam (she/her), im 22, and im a big fat mess at all times :) um but a lil more about me is that i’m australian and a recently graduated film student lmao. i’ve been rping for like ten years now i think idk but i am a NERVOUS BITCH !!!!!!! and it sometimes takes me forever to reply to things (ic and ooc) bc of that so pls be patient with me lmao. anyway, happy 2 be here !! if u like this post i’m gonna assume u wanna plot with me and my idiot and hit u up !!! lets mcfreakin lose it !!!!

about lukas !!

full name: lukas joshua tozer

nickname(s): luk-ass idk whatever u can come up with lmao

age: nineteen

gender: cis male

pronouns: he/him

hometown: jackson, new jersey

date of birth: nov 4th

occupation: student ( film and media studies, sophomore ), cook/server at a nearby 24hr pizza joint

relationship status: single

drink / smoke / drugs: yes / yes / yes

faceclaim: alex wolff

positive traits: passionate, thoughtful, creative, ambitious, untethered, humorous

negative traits: assuming, cynical, insensitive, rebellious, resentful, irresponsible

if he was in a hogwarts house: slytherin

now some more dot points that are just me talking about lukas !!

was born in fort lauderdale florida but there is a vERY low chance he will ever admit that, he’ll just say he’s from new jersey. as far as he’s concerned, he’s always been from new jersey even if his family did move there after he turned twelve

speaking of things lukas probably wont ever tell u but i’m including them anyway: his family is kind of messy. not majorly but like a little bit more than average. he had two brothers, now he only has one. i’m not gonna include a whole lot of nitty gritty here i’ll save it for when i write the real bio and can actually do it justice but its the reason they moved from florida and it has had a pretty major effect on lukas over time obviously

he’s the baby of the family and he’s pretty much always been treated like one. it has left him pretty immature and irresponsible. still learning that his actions have consequences and that he cant just be a total dick all the time. he’s improved in those areas a fair bit since he started at columbia a year ago but he still has a long way to go

he didn’t ever really expect to go to columbia, he’s from a middle class family and his dad didn’t even go to college. he applied for columbia just as a might as well give it a go thing. like maybe it will happen. they had a film course and although the course itself isn’t really great, the connections to the industry available at columbia were valuable enough for him to try. he was wait listed up until basically the last minute, preparing to go to a college in boston instead but when he was accepted he knew he had to go. for himself, for his family, and for his lost brother.

obviously irresponsible attitude has led to some Bad Decision Making including but not limited to partying and drugs. he doesn’t prioritise that lifestyle over his school work (bc he knows how lucky he is to be at columbia at all) but he is a big believer that you need to experience things to be a great artist and he plans on being the greatest artist so bad decision town here we come !!!!

he has a pet goldfish named michael bublé pls dont nark

for more info on him click here to check his about page, no bio there yet but hopefully soon

wanted connections babey !!

course friends/rivals/anything: i am writing these before acceptances happen so i have no good god damn idea if any other characters are film majors but hit me the hell up if they are bc i would love to plot some stuff out

old roommate(s) : lukas was probably an entertaining roommate but probably verged on annoying pretty easily. he’s messy, gross, probably didn’t respect the do ur fucking dishes rule in first year ( probs still doesnt tbh ). but he also has a password to every streaming account plus a phat hard drive full of movies and shows that he is absolutely willing to share with u so just depends what ur into i guess. maybe this connection led to friendship or maybe they hate each other now. im down for either/both 

dealer: hi welcome back to bad decision town. lukas isn’t into any hard stuff but is a big weed smoker (to my understanding medicinal cannabis is allowed but lukas def doesn’t have a prescription), then after that it’s kind of just experimenting. will chat more details if u wanna take this connection

booze leachers: so yes lukas is 19 but he has four, thats right, four fake ids. he is not willing to give u his contact for fake ids but he is willing to buy u booze if u pay him. dont hate the player hate the game

gang gang: pretty much just a close group of friends. i imagine all pretty relaxed, all pretty chill. idk what to say here except i want people to care about him and let him put on dumb movies and watch them with him and probably have dumb matching stick and poke tattoos and hog a communal tv to play mario kart but lets talk about it

fast food workers deserve respect too: as mentioned, lukas works at a 24hr pizza joint near campus which means he’s seen some shit. one of the things he’s seen multiple times is drunk student trashing the place. whether it be vomit, forgetting how to hold a cup, or bet try at a food fight lukas has seen it and he’s cleaned it up too. this connection could be that maybe he helped someone out and cleaned them up and got them back to campus when their friends ditched and now they look out for lukas too and its a positive connection. or maybe lukas hates their guts and spits on their food whenever they show up ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who’s to say

hot girl bummer by blackbear: now listen here’s an angsty connection i want, and i def want to plot it out way more with whoever takes it on but basic outline of what i have in mind: they’ve kind of sort of been dating for a while but they’re just falling out of whatever they had to begin with. they were never official, they probs def fucked around with other people while they were ““““together”””””, lots of oh sorry ur taking it so seriously i thought we were just chilling bullshit. all of this girls friends probs hate lukas and he definitely hates them back. were probably once really good friends and had a really good time together but they’ve lost it. will they find it again or will it fizzle out? lets find out together xoxo

new girl(s) : i hate the connection title too but i couldnt think of anything better. we’re in bad decision town and now we’re going to thot street babey. since things have been falling apart with hot girl bummer and even before that lukas a little bit of a thottie. this doesnt mean he’s good at it, please also feel free for a part of this to be that they rejected lukas and he got butt hurt about it idk lukas being attracted to them is basically this whole idea and i would wanna plot the rest of it more depending on specific characters wooo

lukas is a bad influence: if u have gotten this far u may have noticed that lukas is not a very good influence at all. this is someone probs his age or younger that wants to loosen up and have a good time and lukas completely encourages that. bonus points if this connection is a combo with the above connection bc lukas is a gross boi and would be like wow listening to my bad ideas thats so sexy and cool of u ya know. but also doesnt have to be that ! could just be lukas thinks its funny and thinks that someone listening to him is just like good content that could get him on barstool

lukas is badly influenced: this is basic as hell but someone that tells him to leave his impluse control at the door and encourages him to be trash. probs older than him and i def see this as more of a masc connection than a fem but like all my plot ideas: lets talk about it. this one probs v much depends on ur character so gonna leave this one nice and short

lukas is good-ly (??????) influenced: also basic as hell and p much just the opposite of above. someone who is a good influence on lukas. encourages creativity and ambition instead of straight up recklessness. again, i see it as an older character but no gender seen here. a lot of this would be based around ur character so lets chat

michael bublé’s co parents: lukas has a goldfish named michael bublé (or just michael), i picture him having got it while high as heck during the day and just being like This Is A Good Idea. maybe ur character was with him and they were co parents from the start or maybbe they came into the picture later ??? i’m honestly down for whichever just give michael the love he deserves pls

and probably just about anything else these are just some ideas, i totally wanna plot further and brainstorm so please still hmu if none of these fit ur character we’ll plot something up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[cloneslugs]

oh fuck u sent me multiple so demo/engie/medic/scout and also u can do the one i already sent

ty i love you

Demo

favorite thing about them

he’s super fun!!! but also really smart and caring and just an all around cool dude he’s like B) !

least favorite thing about them

this isnt about him personally lol but like official stuff(comics) lighten the fuck out of his skin and its like. dont

favorite line

i didnt even see this question when i first did this wtf but uh all his “i love you” esque lines are really excellent

brOTP

exclusing soldier lol!!! probably sniper or engie!!

OTP

soldier :’)

nOTP

besides scout & pyro & just like. looking at just the mercs no one really demo deserves love

random headcanon

he likes turtles a lot & just reptiles/amphibians in general just in a kinda neat/favorite animal type way nothing special, he gets around with engie and sniper and they all get drunk and they talk about cryptids, he has a super big heart he loves love, outside of the battlefield he’s pretty apprehensive and cautious moreso than lots of the others at least, he doesnt push himself to be it often just bc he doesnt like leaderly positions but he defo has one of the more valid voices of reason amongst all of them, he loves to help and just listen to people he’s always ready to offer you a drink and take a load off and just talk things out & he’s super chill and easy to talk to anyway, he comes off as really lazy but he can jump up and make do when he needs to

unpopular opinion

idk whats considered popular or not on here lol but like!! he’s not just stupid silly drunk man he’s actually got heart and is pretty intelligent & like probably one of the better off mercs if he wanted himself to be

song i associate with them (this is literally the worst question im so bad at this if i dont have lots n lots of searching time and also i forget all music ever)

cheap thrills - sia

favorite picture of them (sorry 4 bg edits im doing what i have on hand lol)

hes so fucking happy i love you!!!

Engie

favorite thing about them

he’s my fucking husband he makes my heart fucking soar!!! he’s a quiet little sweetheart and he’s just really smart and nice and has morals iusdahui

least favorite thing about them

fucking nothing you animals 

favorite line

all his fucking nerdy engineering lines are so fucking good ;____; he’s so smart and passionate god“i love engines! pinion shafts! flanges. mitigating shock loads. but most of all: i love winnin’!” “they won’t know what hit ‘em! though it’ll likely to be bullets. statistically speaking” theres more but im like ;___; just thinking about him ah

brOTP

medic babey!!!!!! i have a thing for shitty best friends that tire each other out (especially on one side) but love each other at the end of the day and are just ride or diepyro also but for completely different reasons :-)

OTP

spy is fucking excellent -.- dont @ me

nOTP

soldier lol (excluding pyro & scout)

random headcanon

i think all the mercs are autsitic but engie is one of my fucking fav ahhhhh, he and medic info dump for hours especially where their special interests overlap and it gets really boring if youre not one of them lol, he loves learning but he hated school so much ):, he has pretty bad anxiety but only under certain circumstance, he’s kinda jealous that spy gets to automatically be seen as a paternal figure bc of scout and he kinda wishes he could settle in like that but he also doesnt think he’d be very good at it for a very prolonged amount of time, he loves math!!!! he loves numbers a lot he associates it with lots of fun and colors and just !!!!! wow wow!!, he has really really really high empathy when it comes to machines and stuff, he loves dogs especially smaller ones, he really loves to fidget w/ tools and stuff bc he always has one on hand and theres lots you can do with some of them, he’s really lazy and has a hard time applying himself sometimes

unpopular opinion

the comics really brush him aside i need to see him more please for the love of god he’s just as interesting as anyone else also fat engie is the only valid engie & also soldier/engie is fucking forced and weird idk where it comes from except they wear hats lol & also people call engie short but if you dont make him 5′00 give or take 3 inches youre doing it wrong and i cant stand by it

song i associate with them

this is like. also a soldier song for me lol but Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect - the decemberists

favorite picture of them

ms pauling and medic!! his buddies :) also i just love the shadowboxers art

his fly costume makes me so ;___; i love you little man

also i hate to default to beard engie but this is literally the sexiest man alive

Medic

favorite thing about them

i have a thing for shitty men with halfway decent hearts but are trying(sometimes) okay like okay he’s so chaotic and bad but ;___; i love you

least favorite thing about them

this mostly applies to his Meet the vid but he comes off as really apathetic and cruel? i think in everything else he comes off as a bit nicer if not absentminded and not too socially aware which is :)

favorite line

bro when he warns heavy about that gun in the comix? gay rights U__U also the like “you can take the brain out of the criminal and put it in a pumpkin, but you cant take the criminal out of the brain in the pumpkin” or whatever shit sir i love you

brOTP

engie baby!!!! i also really like spy & sniper bc im weak for shitty support relationships i think med just works really good w/ everyone really in some way

OTP

heavy baby!!!

nOTP

all of the mercs are fine (excluding the usual lol) but like cHeavymed people are freaks die

random headcanon

he has really poor eating & sleeping habits he almost relies on everyone else to keep him alive, he’s autistic & he’s jewish but not really practicing, he pulls & tugs on things when he’s stressed, he’s actually really smart medically he just doesn’t like showing it/messing w/ people (it makes some of the smarter mercs nervous lol), when he gets bored & has nothing to play with he digs for drama he loves to start unnecessary arguments that have no value whatssoever, he’s scared of dogs, he only trusts sniper & maybe heavy to handle his birds if he were to die, heavy & archimedes are like mega comfort objects(?) for him !!, he’s kinda really bad at showing he likes/cares for people, this goes especially hard on engie ):, he has a really big sweet tooth, he cant cook, he doesnt ever censor himself and can be pretty rude, he’s an open book and has no sense of integrity, he got super attached to heavy right off the bat for seemingly no reason and it was just super awkward lol, he gets distracted really easily and drops projects too often when he gets bored/forgets, his room is a mess he doesnt know how to do chores, he’s trans and hasnt done anything to medically transition but he handles everyone on team who is 

unpopular opinion

he’s not a fucking sociopath lol like he has a heart and cares he just has a hard time differentiating right from wrong and doesnt think things out i love you

song i associate with them

this is my emo music time i keep changing this but im gonna go It Was A Swift Not A Swallow - Crywank

favorite picture of them

i cant pick between these two he’s saving his fucking boyfriends life & also the 2nd he just looks so peaceful and :)

Scout

favorite thing about them

he’s a sweet boy!!! he just wants friends and he’s stuck with a bunch of middle aged men we have to love his endurance also he’s a little baby faced menace i love you

least favorite thing about them

in the canon i ignore lol.. too straight we cant have that

favorite line

all his lines talking about how the group of them are all best friends and stuff??? i love that

brOTP

sniper !!!! also spy also everyone

OTP

no one really lol pyro is like. the only one im comfy w/

nOTP

sniper lol if we’re talking popular things & all the rest of the mercs really

random headcanon

he’s a super sweet boy who loves everyone on the team, he warmed up the fastest out of all of them and became super attached!!, he really wants a base dog, he really likes to spend time with everyone and listen to them talk like he loves sitting with engie and having him explain nerdy engineering nonsense that he’ll never get but he tries to but its just fun seeing how excited the other person is!!!, he became super close to sniper right off the bat for some reason which is weird bc scout can talk forever and sniper doesn’t know how to hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes but they like hanging out even if it gets tiring, he lives off of sugary drinks medic keeps telling him to stop, he loves to hang out w/ spy and they get on each others nerves but really enjoy it at the end of the day, he has little to no sense of boundaries, he loves to give hugs!!, he really tries to engage with everyone’s interests like i said he just loves making/seeing other people happy, he loves being part of big groups it always just feels like a big family to him

unpopular opinion

he gay :)

song i associate with them

the calculation - regina spektor

favorite picture of them

trans rights!!!

Soldier

favorite thing about them

he is a sweetheart he is my big stupid husband and we both love raccoons =.=

least favorite thing about them

the patriotism……  we arent having that

favorite line

he’s literally so fucking funny especially all his things w/ merasmus and just. everything

brOTP

excluding demo uh !!! SPY!!!! :D

OTP

demo :)

nOTP

engie x.x

random headcanon

he’s super sweet !!! he loves his friends so much, he loves to show off his raccoons to everyone :), he bonds w/ sniper over wildlife(raccoons), everyone has a lot of patience w/ him bc he struggles to communicate things a lot and kinda needs his time to get points across, he’s actually really observant and it would be really good if he just didnt jump to wild conclusions based off of it all the time, he’s really conscious of his actions and how they affect others like he’s kinda violent impulsively but hes taken note of who is and isnt okay with it or who’s okay w/ him saying what in front of them, he’s really protective of his friends!!! he knows theyre capable but he loves looking out for them, he loves to drag them off on fitness expeditions/training but he tires out before a good number of them/gets bored, he wakes up the earlies he loves the mornings, he can cook but nobody knows it, like scout he loves to indulge in what other people like but he’s more handson he loves to screw in screws for engie or hand medic tools or read out loud to spy or heavy or show sniper things he catches/turn over rocks with him, he loves medics birds but doc wont let him touch them ):, he wants to get a base dog too, he has no volume or tone control, probably the best hugger, he’s kinda shy about personal things like himself in general or being trans & liking guys he’s actually pretty decent at keeping personal things to himself not that he wouldnt share it just feels weird, 

unpopular opinion

he’s not just like shouty mean stupid man,,, he’s actually really sweet 

song i associate with them

rejoice- AJJ 

favorite picture of them

i have worse naked honey pics but this is fucking it lads gay rights

[whatdreams-may-come]

Thoughts during Ep 11 “Uncharted”

SPOILERS AHEAD READ AT YOUR OWN RISK - how the heck is she gonna survive walking around an island just hoping people live there like I would have a nervous breakdown and die you go Claire - okay we get it, she’s walking, she’s thirsty, sunburnt, etc. but like did we need a whole 15 min of that? - also she’s like in her 50s. This chick could totally survive Naked and Afraid. - Father Fogden is giving me such weird vibes. He’s like too nice. - this dude is talking to a coconut. #coco #islandfever - mamacita is my fave. “You stink” is my favorite line of the season - I figured it out, Fogden reminds me of Slughorn from HP6. Don’t know why. - Mamacita is such a straight up bitch I love her. She and the goat lady from last ep are amazing minor characters - Aw now I feel bad for this dude. Like Claire can relate. But also let her go tomorrow man!! God this is stressing me out. - also we are halfway through the episode and she’s still stuck there how are we gonna fit in everything else??? - Claire and Coco: a relationship I didn’t know I needed but I’m glad I got it. - Okay did anyone else feel like that cave could be related to the skull Joe Abernathy said was found in a cave??? I’m probably onto something but I haven’t gotten to this book yet so idk???? - what are the odds that Jamie and the gang all have to stop on that same island? Like wow how perfectly planned was that 🙃 - NO THEY ARE LEAVING BUT SHE’S STILL RUNNING I HAVE SO MUCH ANXIETY RN. CLAIRE GO FASTER. - I don’t remember why she took the mirror in the first place but I’m glad she did. - I know like the mirror reflecting the sunlight actually works but would it really work when they are that far away? Things are just falling together too easily here. - okay I KNOW the second reunion is dramatic but I could not stop laughing at Jamie thrashing through the water. Like he started running from somewhere that wasn’t even close to the row boat. I just keep picturing them yelling action and he’s just running from behind the camera lmao. - I’m still crying tho cuz I’m a sap and I’m glad they are back together. - “ever notice how Mac Dub’s wife just shows up in the strangest places?” I’m cackling - every time Willoughby is on screen I get so happy. That’s my dude right there - aw wait they are gonna do the wedding now how cute! - I love Marsali so much she is so like Claire but she is so blunt and confident in her own way. And C has someone around Bree’s age to kinda fill that void a bit it’s so sweet. - every single thing about this wedding scene is comedy gold. - OKAY IM ABOUT TO GET SUPER EMOTIONAL CUZ JAMIE NEVER GOT TO RAISE ONE OF HIS OWN CHILDREN FULLY AND NOW HE GETS TO SEE FERGUS ALL GROWN UP AND GET MARRIED AND HE GETS TO SEE IT WITH CLAIRE WHO IS LIKE A MOTHER TO HIM AND ITS LIKE WE FINALLY SEE THAT HE REALLY DID RAISE A CHILD AND WHEN HE “ADOPTS” HIM WITH THE LAST NAME IM CRYING SO MUCH. - Fergus Claudel Fraser and Marsali Jane McKimmie saying those quick I love you’s made my heart swell so much - everything about this turtle soup scene is brilliant - drunk Claire is the best Claire it’s official - I love that they are just having sex because of pure fun and spontaneity like they did after they were first married it’s not like I’m leaving you forever sex or angry makeup sex it’s just sex cuz they are honey and can and I’m so happy to see that kind of joy in them again.

[thisisasupergoodidea]

alright, this took forever because i kept getting sidetracked, but here it is. the universe ive slowly been building up. it took so long to write. its so ridiculously lengthy. i almost want to apologize to you if you read it oh my god 
the main story in this universe is project four, in which four people meet Death and tag along on its quest to convince a space wyrm not to eat the world. the death figure, kymoyef, evades capture for nearly 1000 years following the event that takes place in the four cities, observing people and steadily learning about the world as it stores energy for the big confrontation. as an energy being in the form of an object, kymoyef struggles with applying the concept of personhood to itself, but the four people who insert themselves into its business help it understand who it wants to be
kymoyef’s companions love to ask questions and tell stories, one of which is an old folk tale about morality that they know as the four cities. in it, a godlike character asks kymoyef to visit four corrupt cities and raze them to the ground should their corruption be confirmed, so that the seeds of new civilization can be sown in their place. kymoyef goes to the first three places and, finding vanity, enmity, and apathy, destroys them without question. but upon reaching the fourth city and encountering suffering and hopelessness, kymoyef begins to question whether any of these people truly deserved erasure. it refuses to complete its task and instead goes into hiding to plot against the godlike character. kymoyef reveals that this tale is (generally) true 
then i began fussing over details and ended up developing a plot within Sorrowstone, the city of suffering and hopelessness, where i show up close just how depressing it is through the perspective of a newcomer named rin. he joins the camp (which has no name historically since no one remembers it really existed) to escape his past and soon realizes that his stay would be permanent. the endless labor, the bleak and isolated environment, the meager food and supplies, the rampant depression of every other person in the camp - all of this combined prevented anyone from being of sound mind enough to leave. rin sees one death and promptly decides he has a duty to write down everything he observed, whether anyone would ever see it or not. that is the sorrowstone account 
ok. back to the top. one of the four protagonists, caforleh, absolutely loves hearing stories and using them as inspiration for his own grand tales. i really wanted to feel justified in brainstorming for a completely separate project that had nothing to do with project four, so i clapped my hands together and declared that caforleh occasionally works on a piece of fiction that is my project inheritance, in which generation after generation of a particular lineage of siblings are all cursed to the same fate. in their lives, only and always two children will be born, quite often twins, and one will die by the actions of the other at some point. the most recent siblings are separated at a very young age after the murder of their mother, but years later one dies all too suddenly and the adults involved are sent into a panic trying to hide it from the other sibling. magic shit happens and basically you have the dead ones consciousness in the body of their sibling, not realizing theyre dead yet technically alive again, and the living ones consciousness is bound to a piece of paper in a wizard’s pocket. and everyone’s trying to run away from a cult faction that wants their leader back, but surprise, the living sibling was their leader. its a convoluted mess 
in the background of this mess i found a nice little home for the magic pendant, a story that is literally just my 11th grade spanish project. a guy has a cool magic pendant. some magic dude steals it. the guy and his friend get a magic knife from a magic squirrel and kick magic dudes ass. so magical. i took that and pumped in extra details that made me happy, and now its officially enough of a story to be included 
once more to the top. within the world of project four, one of the regions is plagued by a deep rift that scarred the land when scientist daiah’s experiment went horribly wrong. it swallowed several cities and poisoned the people and land around it. the survivors call that area daiah’s shame and send excommunicated criminals there to die as punishment. what they have yet to discover is that the rift is truthfully a tear upon their plane of existence, acting as an opening into an adjacent plane where pure energy resides. the land and people lost in the experiment fell into this other plane perfectly intact, but being that the two planes were never meant to interact in this way, were shortly infected with unknowable ailments. people slowly lost their sanity, their agency, anything that made them who they were. they either became husks or sought violence to distract themselves from their own pain. and the only freedom was to be killed, for time affected nothing in this plane. no one could grow old. the sky never moved. plants absorbed strange air and gnarled into bloated bastardizations 
this is the reality that the protagonists of project dark souls ripoff fell into. wayrain had been traveling with a known criminal through daiah’s shame in the hopes of reaching a region beyond it, and his friend cadmor was secretly a member of law enforcement tasked with making sure the criminal died there. when this was revealed, the three fought and all of them stumbled into the rift to be spat out in the desolate climate of the lost region. i was heavily inspired by dark souls in creating all of this, so honestly just imagine the opening scene of whichever dark souls game and you’ve got the idea of it. wayrain and cadmor have to navigate this sickly area that theyve hardly even heard stories of while also dealing with dangerous people, feeling betrayed by one another, and creeping afflictions. much like rin and caforleh, wayrain takes to learning as much as he possibly can about the surroundings and compiling it all into journals. he travels ceaselessly and does his best to uncover every last mystery, from lost libraries to unmarked graves. cadmor battles his imitation morality as he eases into another role of leadership. the two will clash several times but ultimately reconcile before kymoyef shows up to assess the condition of the rift 
and project fire girl is kinda out of place because it feels entirely standalone, but its actually the origin of most of this stuff, so im hoping i can find a way to squeeze it in somehow. its about a person who wakes up in a fire with no knowledge of how she got there and wanders around aimlessly dealing with the destructive repercussions of her mysterious fire powers, which she can barely control. i know. its sort of like frozen but with fire. but hey spoiler alert: she’s actually a wizard scientist (you can tell i really like my wizards and scientists) that, alongside her cousin, did awful experiments on people in the name of magic science, imbuing them with different forms of magic just to see what happens. and she gave herself fire powers because why the hell not. but the internal flame was so painful that the trauma of it elicited amnesia. she regains these memories in time by meeting the people plagued by the consequences of her actions. not knowing shes the one that did this to them, they work together with her and carry out a plan to expose the other wizard scientist. in the final confrontation, she admits that she regrets what shes done even if the academic community learned a lot from it, and allows herself to be imprisoned 
yeah. like i said, project fire girl was the first narrative in this universe, which came from a dream where she was taken in by an old couple and their adopted daughter and awoke in a bed of bright petals, only to realize that she accidentally set the house on fire in her sleep, killing the whole family. the imagery was so vivid that it stuck with me. project four originated from one of my old minecraft worlds that i unfortunately deleted by mistake and then tried to rebuild. but i couldnt remember what the old build was called so i called it arenos, and that became the first region. once i decided that fire girl was gonna be set in some mountains and that those mountains bordered arenos, i was officially on my way to creating what is now this world. and then more detail happened and kymoyef happened and the concept of the four cities being parallels to the four regions in the world sounded neat but i got carried away and wanted to try to recreate the four cities in minecraft, and only did sorrowstone, so i started to think of what depressing shit went on in that place and wrote a little bit about it 
the dark souls ripoff is, of course, a blatant ripoff of dark souls, but its also a combination of A) another neat dream i had that was just two people traveling on horseback through cold morning fog and being ambushed - one was killed and the other crawled to a nearby basement and hid for an eternity, until the landscape had entirely changed hundreds of years later - and B) a totally separate dream where two people were traveling on horseback through cold evening fog, trying to reach some uncertain destination after having to leave their entire lives behind because they were magic. i was like “i’ve just added two more regions to my world. what if this region has a big rift in it - oh, what if this person hid through the rift incident that sent them to an alternate plane - no wait, what if these other characters were traveling through the rift area and fell in?” 
project inheritance was first called dark souls ripoff 2 because it deals with souls being portable and consumable and the two siblings have to deal with increasing insatiability for souls to keep themselves alive after having their consciousnesses ripped from their bodies. but this story was originally gonna be a text adventure game with like seven hundred endings (im exaggerating a little) testing your ability to forgive and manage your bloodlust. i know. its like a bootleg undertale. i cant have an original thought even if that thought happened two years before the popular thing happened 
thats about it i guess. thats the beginners guide to my utterly incomplete creative endeavors. i have some other ideas that would be neat to pursue but they dont belong in this particular universe as of right now. i might find a way to make them fit. i might not