#it’s obsessive and concerning
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zoeywades-spouse · 2 years ago
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So… I’ve been receiving anon hate, being harassed and stalked by someone from the RC fandom for months now all because of my criticisms of Niall and Ursa. Now unfortunately I found out that this same harasser has now been into the inboxes of several mutuals of mine harassing them about me.
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve blocked so many people, I report each anon hate I receive, and I even left the RC fandom. Yet someone has such a sick and unhealthy obsession with me that they have been stalking and harassing me since I left the RC fandom in June. This has been going on for seven months.
I have received homophobic and misogynistic hate (calling me a whore, slut, bitch, etc.) and have been stalked by someone who very well is aware I don’t want them interacting with me at all. I was stalked by accounts I had blocked in the RC fandom who even went as far as to have their mutuals screenshot my posts and send them to them (they even admitted to doing that themselves). I made several posts begging those accounts (without ever giving names) to please leave me alone. They did not listen.
So I left. And for seven months I have been harassed and stalked by someone who either is in or was in the RC fandom. I was able to handle that. Because it wasn’t daily and because I get so much joy out of being on here and interacting with so many lovely people.
But now I’ve had to find out that this harasser/stalker has been into the inboxes of several of my mutuals trying to turn them against me and make up claims that I’m a bully all because I criticized a fictional character and an author who writes incest, grooming, and racist things in their books.
This is an increase in an already concerning pattern of behavior. I have made posts in the past begging people to stop harassing and stalking me. I have contacted Tumblr before and I have now been forced to contact Tumblr again. But I’m now in fear that my mutuals, who are good people, could get harassed because of me or that I could get doxxed or my safety in any way at threat. I have no idea.
This isn’t healthy. This isn’t normal.
This is unhealthy. This is obsessive. And this is concerning.
Because I don’t know what else to do and because I am genuinely afraid right now, I’m going to have to unfortunately take a step back once again.
All I can say is that if someone blocks you for the love of god please do not find ways to circumvent that block to view their account and do not send anon hate.
Be the better person because not everyone is.
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everythingmcu · 3 months ago
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“THANK YOU RYAN REYNOLDS” WE ALL SHOUT IN UNISON
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fiftypiercings · 4 months ago
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I can't believe I decided to read orv on a whim because I just wanted a good manhwa with no romance subplot and here I am knees deep into the novel questioning my whole life because whatever these mfs have got going on is much more nastier and visceral than any romance.
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emacrow · 6 months ago
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Um.. Superman.. what that thing stuck on your cape?
Clark's brain short circuit for a moment as he just got back of flying at great speed in the middle of deep space to thrown one of Lex's giants bombs destroy the city and come back in record time.
He turn a bit to look at his cape to see a tiny humanoid starlight dust covered child with white hair, glowing full green that look like white specks stars were implanted themselves into his big ol eyes, nawing on a handful of stardust with inhumanly sharp itsy bitsy fangs.
A small yet floating crown that look similar to one of Nasa pictures of far out space.
Did he just accidentally abducted an royal alien child/teen?
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intermundia · 1 year ago
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i just read about the "narcissism of small differences," aka the idea that the more a community has in common, the more likely the people in it are to engage in interpersonal feuds and mutual ridicule because of hypersensitivity to minor differences perceived in each other, and i knew there was a reason my time in academia and fandom felt oddly similar lmao
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dclovesdanny · 3 months ago
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Dead Serious
2/4
Damian loved his soulmate fiercely. Even if they hadn’t met, even if he only knew a few things about his soulmate, he loved them more than anything else in the world. He already had a space set up for stargazing, as his soulmate loved space, and had almost bought another animal shelter after finding out his soulmate had a dog named Cujo.
But as the newest fact sunk in, Damian could feel his world tilting on its axis. He could barely pay attention to his family crowding around him, couldn’t process their words, as he continued to stare at the fact with disbelief and protective rage.
“My parents want to rip me apart molecule by molecule.”
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decarbry · 5 months ago
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heroes always stop
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lothris · 4 months ago
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those hips do not lie
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mobius-m-mobius · 1 year ago
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Hey, Loki’s back. Well, I guess you two are ready to go.
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fullmoonfireball · 9 months ago
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i'm so glad that the Plasm Wraith is becoming a recurring character in the comics, even if it's at Olimar's expense-
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nextstopparis · 11 months ago
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obsessed with the scene in 5.02 where they’re crawling up that sewer or whatever thing. merlin is fighting for his life gagging every 3 seconds and arthurs just laughing at him
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LIKE??????
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sciderman · 6 months ago
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fairyhaos · 1 month ago
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cruelest thing that kpop has ever done is impose a "you can't eat anything" rule on their idols in the country that says "have you eaten today?" as a way of showing love
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pondslime · 1 year ago
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Kurt Russell as R.J. MacReady THE THING (1982) dir. John Carpenter
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mutable-manifestation · 21 days ago
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Ghost Chirps AU Part 5
Part 1 & 2
Part 3
Part 4
***
While “Jason” (i.e. Alfred with an empty jet that Jason will meet up with later in order to “arrive” in Amity) hops a private jet, Red Hood is busy searching the Fenton home from top to bottom.
The local police move slowly, and by the time they arrive Jack and Maddie Fenton are both tied up and disarmed in their living room under heavy guard.
They hadn’t been restrained immediately, Batman talking him into giving them a chance to implicate themselves first.
Hood let him take the lead, but he didn’t even get a chance to ask a question, being cut off at the first indication he might want to talk about their “work.” Less than 60 seconds in, and the pair had outright confessed to violating the meta protection acts - and in tedious detail.
The questioning didn’t suffer any from them being tied up.
Far from the mulish silence or crocodile-tear laden denial of most criminals, they instead doubled down, insisting that nothing they had done was illegal, then jumping to the assumption that they were “possessed” - and boy had it been a nasty surprise when the whole house came alive trying to attack them with a quick verbal command.
Well, trying to attack Hood. And only him, for some reason.
One laser also freed the Fentons, who turned out to have even more weapons built into their suits. 
Somehow. 
Despite them being skintight.
That had been a pain, but Red Robin was able to hack the system using one of the couples’ own devices while Hood dodged - and kept the stray fire away from the others - leaving everyone else to recapture the pair. A blessedly simple task once they found out the lasers would splash harmlessly off of their armor (save for a gross film of green goop left wherever they grazed).
They take turns knocking each unconscious to change them in order to properly disarm them - Batman and Nightwing taking Jack first, followed by Orphan and Spoiler dealing with Maddie. 
The only non-weapon laden clothing they own turns out to be pajamas. 
This is around when the police show up, looking hesitant.
They, too, cite the “Anti-Ecto Acts.”
Oracle had debriefed them on the supposed Acts and “Ghost Investigation Ward” on their short drive over. Both were utterly bogus - the Acts had never even been proposed, let alone been approved as law, and the so-called “GIW” had no ties to the government.
The Fentons had been furious and denied the information intensely when told, but the cops mostly just looked relieved.
Apparently there’d been a lot of property damage by the GIW and Fentons both that had supposedly been dismissed under the Acts as “necessary in the pursuit of ecto-scum.”
For the Fentons, half of this damage was in the form of broken fire hydrants, cracked sidewalks, and totaled cars - they’d never been good drivers, before, the cops disclosed, but they’d become even more negligent since the ghosts began appearing, to the point they had to have a news segment warning when they would be on the road.
The lack of fatalities thus far had been nothing short of a miracle, they claimed.
“Of course there haven’t been any fatalities!” Mrs Fenton defends. “Our work is to protect people from those things, not make more! Officers, listen to reason-” Hood snorts disdainfully -”The Red Hood is clearly a ghost! All our systems targeted him the moment they came online - and they only target ecto-entities. He’s clearly taken these heroes under his sway - why else would they be working with a murderer!? You have to do something before he starts up his killing here in Amity!”
The officers look at him a bit hesitantly, but Batman is unmoved and gives the cover story Hood had outlined back in the alley.
Any concerns the locals have are quickly assuaged.
But for the whole explanation, Jason is trying not to shake even as he falls apart in place.
Their little website called them ghost-hunters, making it pretty clear what “ecto-entities” meant. 
Their system supposedly only targets ecto-entities.
The system had only targeted him.
The system only targets ghosts.
Jason had died.
A lot of his family members had died, too, granted. 
But Jason was the only one who seemed to come back wrong - anger sticking in his throat and never quite fading, an inclination towards violence even when he wasn’t angry well beyond what he’d ever felt before, and a sea of other emotions (that he would never acknowledge aloud) and triggers for those emotions that he always struggled to make heads or tails of.
He doesn’t have the meta gene. He knows that. He knew that.
He just assumed that the test missed it, because he knows he doesn’t know magic - the All Blades being the only exception - and he couldn’t think of another explanation at the time.
But he came back wrong.
And as he stands there, he wonders if he came back at all, mind on Solomon Grundy.
Wonders if he isn’t just some ghost, wandering around possessing his own corpse.
He jolts, as the thought strikes him: what about Danny?
If he’s a ghost and chirping is a ghost thing then what about his KID!?
Absently, he notes that Bruce has started interrogating the cops on what they meant by “ghost attacks.” 
He ignores the discussion, hustling for the door in the kitchen down to the lab.
He slams and locks the door behind him - in Red Robin’s face - as he descends, making a b-line for the computer he’d seen when the Fentons had dragged them all down there to start bragging about their crimes.
The only thing Oracle could get out of the whole building was things that were openly available online; direct connections were impossible.
Opening up the screen, he gets to cracking.
Going for the surface level files first, it turns out he doesn’t even need so much as a password to find what he wants.
One of the video game sub-files has an unrelated file in it: ghost notes.
There are plenty of other notes, of course, but he’d only been skimming to start, looking for anything hidden.
The Fenton parents were too open to bother, of course, with plenty of more obvious files strewn haphazardly across the home screen, but it’s always better to check. That there is a hidden file means it was likely made by either Danny or Jazz.
And it’s a treasure trove.
Sub-files for rogues, allies, conditional allies, and “halfas” were what greeted him.
The last being the only term he didn’t recognize, he clicked.
6 files: Clones, Danny, Dani, Dan, Vlad, and Red Hood.
He clicks his own file.
What greets him is a picture of himself 4 days ago, looking just to the left of the lens in an alley that he distinctly remembers searching for the kid in.
Just below is text.
~~~
??? Name: Red Hood
Species: probably a halfa
Status: Nnnneutral? I think? I know, I know, heads in bags. But Valerie tries to kill me all the time! And we’re allies sometimes! Hood- uh- looked for me? Okay I guess I can’t really judge this yet but please read the first met section before you judge please you guys?
First met: Aug 17, 2005, was in Gotham to bother Batman, stopped to think a bit on some fire escape - decide on the first prank yknow - but then my ghost sense went off. It felt like a halfa so I thought “oh cool, must be Dani” so I chirped, but then Red Hood - who was chasing some guy down an alley at the time - froze and looked around. I dropped visibility and chirped again and yeah, he definitely heard it. Humans can’t so he’s definitely a halfa - no glow so he can’t be a full ghost and it felt nothing like an overshadowing. 
Ended up following Hood around the rest of week - forgot to prank Batman, damn - and playing hide-and-seek with the chirps. It was really funny. But he very obviously doesn’t know he’s a halfa. But the guy is, like, scary levels of smart, so I’m sure he’ll figure it out on his own now that the chirp thing made it clear that something is up. Hopefully.
I figure I can go back in winter break - he should have it figured out and let his emotions process enough by then to at least hear me out when I explain the AEA and GIW and everything, then it won’t matter so much if he can, like, track me by voice or something if I talk since we’ll have MAD by then.
Despite his reputation, the people living in his haunt seem to love the guy. I can see why. On top of the whole smart he’s actually really nice to people he’s not shooting in the knees (which only even happened one time in the week I was there? It was actually pretty relaxing - most quiet week I’ve had since the portal opened THANK YOU TUCKER for hacking the portal hatch to be inoperable for a week). 
Where was I? Oh yeah, he’s actually surprisingly nice to people? So like, I think he’ll probably hear me out if I go back and be polite? I hope. Hate to leave the guy in the dark and him end up on the GIWs dissection table for “lots and lots of painful experiments.”
Not that those guys could even catch the Box Ghost. But uh, Hood doesn’t seem to have powers either? Or if he does he doesn’t know about them I don’t think - he only used the chirp the whole time I was their - not even to cheat with moving around.
Seriously. That guy's acrobatics could make Freakshow’s contortionist green - er, red??? - with envy. Actually wait, aren’t contortionists and acrobats different things?
SAM NOTE: help^?
Powers: 
?
~~~
Jason leans back, breathing deeply.
“Not a full ghost,” “not 'overshadowed'” - a term that sounds likke some kind of cousin to possesision - “definitely a halfa,” “humans can’t hear chirps.”
Halfa. 
Half. 
Ghost. 
Half Ghost.
It should sound absurd - you can’t be half alive and half dead.
But Jason has seen the Lazarus pits, has met Solomon Grundy, has met aliens and bullshit magic and can pull magical swords out of his own damn chest.
Half alive. Half dead.
Hopefully not just a fancy way to say possessing his own corpse.
He doesn’t have time to deal with every file - he’ll “confiscate” one of their USBs with a copy of everything for himself before leaving the rest to Batman & co, of course, minus the halfa files (a small part of him wants to shove his condition in Bruce’s face and demand he kill the clown again even though he knows it’s a futile hope, but the rest - the same part that snapped and denied and refused to say he was a meta less that a day ago now - cannot stomach the thought of even more rejection. Of a Bruce that believes he’s a monster. Of a Bruce that mourns him even while he’s right there. Or at least, more than he already does.) - but while the files copy he take the time to look at Danny’s.
The image has two people, Danny Fenton on one side and a version of the kid in a black hazmat suit with white hair, tanned skin, and painfully familiar green eyes. And floating.
~~~
Human Name: Danny Fenton
Ghost Name: Danny Phantom
Species: Halfa (half-human, half ghost)
~~~
It’s the section after that that makes Jason’s breath catch in his throat.
~~~
Death: The Portal Accident
So like, there was no audio (thank GOD I do not want to hear myself screaming) so. Details: When the portal didn’t work when they plugged it in mom and dad left for fudge, Jazz went to try and talk them into a more realistic career choice than ghosts. Sam and Tucker came over and Sam dared me to climb in and check it out - it was broken anyway so no harm. Except it wasn’t broken, just that my parents put the on button inside. Which I caught myself on when I tripped on a wire.
Anyway, electrocution! 
(T - Danny for the love of god be more serious, the cheerful tone is creepy)
(D - Hey! I’m the one who died! Shouldn’t I at least get to write my own epitaph)
(S - …Danny this is not an epitaph. You don’t even HAVE a grave)
(D - wow way to rub it in Sam)
(T - yeah Sam)
(S - ugh! Whatever, just stop with the chatting in official files)
(T - “official”)
(S - Tucker.)
(T - shutting up now)
Electrocution! I got zapped to death, but the ectoplasm from the portal was also opening up on top of me and a lot got bonded to me I guess (S - probably because of the electricity with how you ended up with some of Vortex' powers for a little while) at the same time said electricity was reviving me? - probably getting my heart beating again or something, I was a little busy screaming to pay attention (T - yeah okay we're going to Nasty Burger after this. And playing Doomed) - not that it would’ve mattered without the ghostification preventing me from melting me all the way to death.
Status: Me!
Powers:
Chirps! (ghost echolocation of some kind! humans can't hear em - halfas can, of course, in either form)
Form Change (really Sam? This barely counts)
Human form
Ghost form (no need to breathe)
Flight (last clock speed 210mph) (T - and climbing. Dang dude)
Invisibility (S - don’t forget shareable.) (Shareable. sigh)
Intangibility (Shareable)
Ecto Rays (eyes & hands) (T - and butt) (D - dude! I’m deleting that. Tucker why can't I delete it. TUCKER) (T - bow down in awe of my ksill) (S - ksill) (D - ksill) (T - yeah okay it’s permanent now) (D - aw man!)
Ghost Sense (S - why do we never test your range?) (D - no need? They always make themselves obvious or are being sneaky specifically to annoy me so *shrug*) (S - I still think we should test it)
Power Absorption (that time with Vortex’s weather powers)
Cryokinesis (Wayyyyy to much ice. NOT testing max output on that) (T - yeah frozen city was enough, let’s not cause an ice age. Tech needs some cool but too much is still bad and I just upgraded Patricia)
Ghostly Wail (cone of destruction, very exhausting - always at max output. Not to be used)
GHOST FORM ONLY (but really just never)
Cartoon Body (D - what???) (S - Freakshow literally turned you into a puddle and you just turned back and were fine. I don’t know what else to call that) (D - okay fair. but:)
GHOST FORM ONLY
Physical Enhancement (better strength, speed, stamina, durability, reflexes, balance, etc much better than human) (T - why does this look like dnd knockoff stats haha)
GHOST FORM ONLY (S - obviously mr last place in PE)
Resistances (pretty solid on the overshadowing, avoided being taken in by Ember until targeted, didn’t get turned to stone during the Medusa thing) (S - which was pure luck! Be careful!)
Ecto Electricity (ghost stinger, but I really don’t think this counts Sam. I mean I just. Make my ecto zappy. But it’s still just ecto) (S - so is your ICE and you don’t just call that "just cold ecto") (D - fine, but it feels overly specific) (S - maybe writing it all down will make you stop. Forgetting. POWERS!) (D - come on Sam that was a lucky hit! I was distracted! And it turned out fine!) (S - Fenton…) (D - oop okay doing fire now)
Ecto Fire (made Dash’s shoes melty that one time by make the ecto hot) (T - really needs more testing)
Tech possession (chasing Technus into computers, not very tested)
Ghost form only, i guess?
Overshadowing (control people, copy their voice, invade dreams - the control one erases the person’s memory so they don’t know they were overshadowed just lost time. I hate Walker. SO much) (T - rip Danny’s reputation, you’ll be missed)
Probably ghost form only
Duplication (T - That’s optimistic) (D - I’M WORKING ON IT OKAY!?) (S - pretty sure it just falls under cartoon body until you can actually separate) (D - :( betrayal)
Probably ghost form only
More? (D - ugh I hope not) (T - hey don’t say that, maybe you’ll get a power to make the JL give a crap about Amity) (D - honestly I’m getting pretty close to letting Boxy loose in Gotham) (S - Danny, don’t stoop to their level!) (D - it's only box ghost!) (T - I mean he has a point)
~~~
Jason changes his mind, seeing the commentary, and deletes the entire hidden file from the computer as soon as his copy is made. He can go over everything and bring any important info to Bruce separately, the bat’s can just chew on the parents’ files for now.
Once the original files are thoroughly and irretrievably removed he pockets his shiny new USB, makes a second one with all the official files, and heads back up and out - carelessly brushing past a thoroughly irate Red Robin with a pair of firemen and broken jaws of life. And not a scratch on the door; impressive - just in time to get Oracle’s text that he’s got 2 hours and 16 minutes to be at the location on his HUD so he can “arrive” to Amity.
And a fresh set of civilian clothes will be waiting in the plane, Alfred as reliable as ever.
“Files,” he says, tossing the safe USB to Batman and interrupting his interrogation of the police officer.
He catches it effortlessly of course, but the officer stops paying attention to him to jolt at Hood’s reappearance - even outside of Gotham his reputation is fierce.
“I sent a copy to myself. I’ll review them and give you an overview, but other than that consider this the end of my involvement in this little shitshow,” he says, continuing smoothly to the door. “I’m heading back to Gotham.”
Now, he has a little over two hours before Jason Todd needs to arrive in Amity Park. He only needs to lay hands on a laptop that he can isolate from Babs’ influence and he should be able to review the Halfa files in full before he "lands" - after he figures out just why the kid has a grudge against the JL.
#The defenses only attacked jason because the others are liminal#But not quite liminal enough for the Fenton House to pick up on#He’s the only one who died and had it really *stick* thus why he’s the only halfa#Sure the others died but they were all revived fully#Death left a stain#Not a chain#Jason has one foot in the grave#The others bat’s just have some graveyard dirt smudged on their pants cuffs#I can keep going with the metaphors#lol#Anyway#Their contamination is. Like. not worse than the average person living on the opposite side of the city as the Fentons#(which is a lot compared to everyone else in the whole world#but not much in terms of “will the house shoot me”#Fenton ghost detecting devices aren’t that precise yet)#The “files” aren’t super professional because like. They’re 14.#It’s organized sure but it’s not gonna be scientific paper levels (& they’d feel uncomfy making it too scientific sounding)#There’s powers missing on purpose (not thinking of thing as a power. All 3 forgot about it. Etc)#So why did the JL ignore Amity you ask?#Info blackout#One does not simply ignore the Meta Protection Acts and pretend to be a gov’t agency without taking precautions#Everything out of Amity Park is sanitized as hell. (ha#and doesn’t that just fit the GIW clean-obsession)#“But Mutable!” I hear you cry “What about Undergrowth & Vortex!”#I don’t remember Undergrowth’s radius of effect but I’m saying my AU he was Amity-only and the GIW set up a blockade to intimidate witnesse#Same deal with Pariah town-knapping the place (GIW base was JUST out of the town-knapping radius. Lucky them)#As for Vortex#the storms themselves made it impossible to track anything through normal means#(ie no cams caught Sam & Tucker’s jet taunting Vortex except some people with cells on the street. But wind killed all the audio)#So as far as the world is concerned there was a freak storm and it went away
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lesbianwyllravengard · 3 months ago
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i still have yet to play bg3 so i still dont go here yet but Wyll seems literally like one of the most compelling characters of all time and im not even joking. I havent even played the GAME but his character arc haunts me /pos. people are literally just racist to say that he isn't compelling
LITERALLY. He's utterly fascinating. He is a folk hero, a legend, the fantasy equivalent of superman. He's a warlock who is secretly pacted to a devil. He hates devils. He's an incredible liar. He's incredibly sincere. He's silly. He unironically enjoys puns and clowns. He over-exaggerates his Blade personality because it amuses him. He sometimes doesn't know where The Blade ends and Wyll begins. His hero-ness is a performance; not to hide ill intent, but to hide a broken man, to hide weaknesses and fears. It's who he is. It's always been a distant thing, a mask. It's who he thinks he must be. He loves freely and openly and will let anyone know it. He's only ever wanted to know he's loved. He still thinks his father's inability to trust or believe in him was all his fault. He still thinks that every bit of suffering he's ever experienced was all his fault. He thinks admitting to suffering would be disrespectful to the lives he's saved. He thinks he has to suffer or else his sacrifices were worthless. He thinks it couldn't be a sacrifice if he didn't suffer for it. He would take any suffering if it meant lessening someone else's. He is the first person to stand up for someone's life and safety, the first person to defend someone's worth and autonomy. He is the last person to do so for himself. He is of the least importance to himself.
He needs to be needed, because if he's not needed then what good is his power and the soul he sacrificed for the pact to get it? And if he can't be needed then he throws himself into the fray without hesitation because his purpose has always been to sacrifice himself so others may live. His life has always been one of sacrifice. His life has been recompense since the second he was born and his mother passed as a result. He saves lives to make up for it. It will never be enough to him. It will always be everything to those he saves. He just wants to be seen for who he truly is. He thinks if no one can see him for who he is then maybe it isn't who he is, and maybe he's fooled them all, fooled himself into thinking he can be a better person, be the hero they need. He wants to be known by someone. He's terrified of someone looking deeper. He sees others for who they are. He's a monster hunter who does not hunt the typical definition of "monster", who knows that monsters are not the ones with fangs and horns in his group of friends but the men who look harmless yet cause endless death and suffering to others. Not even the threat of his life was enough to get him to harm an innocent.
He wants to be chosen. He cannot fathom that someone would choose him. He chooses others over himself every time. He has so much love for others. He thinks he must constantly earn love. He is shocked when someone simply loves him. He thinks he cannot love and lead at the same time. His only role model was a father who could never put his son before his city. He is capable of immense anger. He is capable of immense kindness. He purposefully chooses the latter; he works hard to not let his anger consume him. He's still angry over things that happened a near decade ago. He thinks feeling hurt is the same as being angry and so he can't be hurt. He's always hurting. He takes pride in his achievements and he does not underestimate himself. He's not religious. He devotes himself to his cause with the dedication of the most pious believer. He stands by his friends in any battle, against any struggle. He stands against them if they choose to threaten lives. He holds on to those he cares about with bloody knuckles and teeth bared because loss has always been the hardest pain for him to bear. He has lost everything. He gives every part of himself to others. He cannot lose anyone else. He thinks he can do anything because he refuses to believe any alternative. Because he could not survive any alternative. He thinks his intent is as important as his actions, and so he must always intend to do the right thing.
He does not tolerate his boundaries being pushed or his father being disrespected. He tolerates any judgment because he thinks he deserves it. He defends his status as the Blade of Frontiers. He thinks the fear caused by his devil form is a fault of his own that he must work to fix. He hates the patriars and their farce diplomacy, their lethal hypocrisy. He thinks his father is infallible. He does not hold himself to the same regard as he holds everyone else. He thinks its okay if it only hurts him. Anything is okay as long as it only hurts him. He has to keep fighting to prove he can be a hero. He is so, so tired. He cannot for one second admit to wanting for anything, because once he starts he might not be able to stop wanting. He cannot accept that he deserves to not suffer, too, because if he does he might not be strong enough to continue suffering so others might suffer less. He might not want to suffer. He thinks he cannot regret any decision he's made, he cannot regret his pact, because it would be a dishonour to the good he's done with it. He thinks that saying he regrets his pact would be saying he regrets every life he's saved with it and he would never regret saving lives so he cannot regret his pact. He's accepted that his freedom will always be the cost of saving lives. He desperately wants to be free. His life has never been his own, to him. He thinks every choice he's ever made was his own, alone.
He is very complex. He simplifies himself to be easily accepted by others. People fall for it easily. He just needs one person to look closer. He's afraid of what they'll find if they do. He doesn't keep his cards close to his chest, he meticulously chooses which cards to hold at all. Which parts of himself are worth losing if need be. How much of himself he has to keep close in order to keep being himself. He has seen the worst that the world has to offer. He chooses every day to be kind, to see the best in things, in others. He chooses to care. He holds onto his pain because it's proof that he cares. There are several pathways that don't connect quite right in his brain which you'll notice after a few conversations with him. He is wise beyond his years. He is my favourite guy ever
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