#it’s not perfect anyway idk nothing feels like me
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Wanted to paint some of my favorite characters, nothing more nothing less
[COMMISSIONS]
Way too much yapping like an embarrassing amount, the individual portraits and the template I used below vvv
I shouldn't be allowed to talk about my favorite characters- especially to people who (presumably) don't know them xjfkdk apart from the very popular ones ofc
ILLYA KURYAKIN (The man from U.N.C.L.E)
gay ass little Russian spy I love him he is so *dramatic* and a huge nerd and a Beatles fan and into fashion design- perfect pocket size blorbo ;w; also seeing a Russian character being given a positive leading role in an American tvshow from the 60s ?? Yes he lives in New York and works for UNCLE America.... But he is still a communist ?? Incredible ! Also I really like the fact he isn't given the cliché personality traits often given to Russian characters i e anger issues drinks a lot violent ect (looking at you shitty(imo) modern remake... What did you do to my little guy ;;). In a close contest with Spock for the "gayest man from tvshow" of the 60s..... And in my heart he is winning djdkd for me the gay subtext of muncle hits so much more because it's not a scifi show- it's closer to home, Napoleon and Illya were *like that* in the present day of the 60s, they were both human, and no alien fuckery made them go to the village more than once or play house in the suburbs or get attached ass up to get pegged on a regular basis... Truly a show that feels written by an old queen and a guy with the biggest fem dom fetish jkvjjkb (don't get me wrong tho I adore star trek tos and spirk too <3)
KUROO HAZAMA and PINOKO (Black Jack)
sometimes I rewatch some of the oavs from the 90s when I'm sad :) I had a huge phase a couple years back when I read nearly all the manga (should really finish it... Or reread the whole thing frankly), watched *all* the shows (bar young black jack, hated that shit) and idk I just love this venal bitch so much- him and his daughter and his conflicted feelings for his tboy ex that he still loves kfkfkf btw I'm dying for a modern take on this like please please please I'd love to see Kei Kisaragi's story rewritten a bit (trans character in the 70s sure was progressive but oh boy-), because him and black jack's relationship makes me so *weak*.... And maybe see him a bit more than in one story- anyway ! When it comes to his daughter Pinoko, it's very hit or miss- when the writers lean on the cute father adoptive daughter relationship it's great, when they lean more on the whole "she has a crush on him" (very much like a child in most case, and he *never* reciprocate thank god) and bring up the fact she is technically 18 a lot (she was an evil tumor trapped in her sister before he created a body for her- black jack shit dw), and she gets jealous of other women.... Well it's terrible and I'm uncomfy :(
EVA KANT (Diabolik)
Look.... You just can't show me danger diabolik 1968 and not expect me to become insane djdkdkdk she is so cool ;; !!! Her and her devious eel of a man (here as a panther, because even tho I haven't read the comic yet, I'm taking an educated guess that all the panther imagery is here to represent him, the lethal twunk always in the all black gimp suit... And if it's not then fuck my entire life ig fjfkkd), the cuntiest het couple you've ever seen, such freaks I love them ! Partners in crime that will blow up the tax offices of the whole country if you try to put a bounty on them <3 they are in the guilty faves category only because I'm this invested in these characters after 1 (one) movie fkfkf watched the first two remakes and was hmmm let's say underwhelmed, could have been worse but going after the 60s one ie peak cinema was hard... I went in fully invested in these heterosexuals and they still fucked up their romance and relationship ;; (don't spoil me the third one btw haven't seen it yet ! I know it's the yaoi one- which doesn't give me much hope for Eva tbh...) I'll soon start reading the comics tho ! Managed to find all twelve volumes of "Il grande Diabolik" in french for pretty cheap so I'm excited for that :D (might scan them and upload them online because omg I tried finding scans in *any* language and only found a dubious website that sold digital copies for 7€ a volume ??? What is this)
UTA (The Void / Тургор / Turgor / Tension)
Apathy girlyyyyy she just like me for real for real nfkfk what absolutely charmed me about her is yes her design, but more importantly her chamber's design (if you've never played the void, a sister's chamber is a space that represent her. You get a sense of who she is by exploring her chamber before finding her and talking to her soul it's great). The lonely island out at sea, her laying down on a suspended steel boat in a grotto, looking passively at the moon by a crack on the ceiling.... And the moon is looking back. Incredible ! I love this game so much
KIM KITSURAGI (Disco Elysium)
Do I really have to explain this one ? When I played the game with quiji I remember I kept saying "when Kim talks, we *listen*" djkdk we did get a good grade in Kim Kitsuragi and got him to dance in the church <3 this fucking centrist cop wormed it's way into my heart and many others because of course he did. The only Kim K in my eyes. Also funny anecdote : before I played Disco Elysium, I had one concept art masterclass where a kinda famous concept artist came to give advice, make us really stressed then give us a shitty grade.... And when I tell you this man looked so much like Kim ??? Same haircut, glasses, face with a scar *exactly* where Kim's portrait has a stark shadow on his cheek and he was dressed in an orange top- truly uncanny. Anyway, Kim is so fucking cool how does he do it
DARK VADOR (La guerre des étoiles)
*sight* not surprising if you know me... and to be clear when I say Vader I don't mean Anakin Skywalker, post barbecue only zouz here. I refuse to yap about this man djdkdk I already do that way to much in ao3 comment sections
And here is the template I used ! Don't know who made it tho sorry...
PS : all these where made in 2-3 hours each :D wanted to challenge myself by painting quickly, and I mostly (looking at the Eva Kant one that gave me trouble) succeeded !
#I FORGOT HIS SHITTY LITTLE MUSTACHE OMFG if you saw a clean shaven Kim for a second there no you did not#My favs are the Illya and Vader ones fuivbfd so proud of them#illya kuryakin#tmfu tv#the man from uncle#kuroo hazama#pinoko#black jack#eva kant#danger: diabolik#diabolik#the void#Тургор#turgor#tension#ice pick lodge#uta#kim kitsuragi#disco elysium#darth vader#star wars#star wars original trilogy#artists on tumblr#fanart#digital painting#portrait painting#art#my art#digital art#art template
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I think I want to change my name but I can’t think of anything that suits me / feels right. I feel like it has to be a cute boyish name but kind of unusual
#diary#I briefly tried neo but idk I didn’t feel attached to it even though it’s cool#I recently heard the name Claude and thought that was pretty cool like a vampire but I can’t use that bc it would make a friend uncomfy#it’s not perfect anyway idk nothing feels like me#I was gonna upload a selfie with this and ask for suggestions but then I realised I haven’t taken any pics of myself in a while#too depressed#I’ve been slug for like 3 years now but idk if I wanna commit to it for life#idk if anyone wants to throw some names they think are cool out there I am so open to suggestions rn
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I don't think Jayce and Viktor literally died. They were kind of pulled into another dimension/astral plane/whatever you call it. We see older Viktor, and while it could be another Viktor, I think it would be more meaningful if it was our Viktor, finally free from the arcane, going through the universe with Jayce, fixing timelines together. Kind of like a cosmic mission.
#jayvik#arcane spoilers#arcane season 2#arcane#the yaoi isn't as doomed as it seems#i mean arcane s2 wasn't perfect#and jayvik left me feeling colder than expected#they played a huge role in the end and they barely had screentime this season????#i will always love jayvik tho#otp otp i adore them#jayvik screentime isn't the only issue I have with season 2 tho#the way piltover vs zaun was treated.........#“omg if we work together we can solve our differences” what differences tho there was a clear power imbalance and police brutality I'm????#plus jink's “death” was kinda forced and weak?? so last minute??? like I know she isn't actually dead but yeah#and sevika????? where's my wife?????? she did NOTHING on act 3???? did she even talk????#also mel has never been my favourite bc they mainly used her as a plot device and a romantic interest to a male character which suckss#but in s1 she started to show vulnerability in the end??? even early s2??? like girl where is all of that??#that's WAY more interesting than the “tough serious warrior” character she's become#anyway everything happened too quickly#too much time spent on noxus shit#ooooh i wonder what the next show is going to be about hmmmm#and so many things weren't explained#everything surrounding viktor and the arcane and what happened to jayce and viktor was kinda foggy#also wtf is sky doing there???? it should have been little viktor or something idk#plus where are caitlyn's dictator arc and vi's boxer arc?? they barely lasted???#and maddie should have been more prominent if she was working with ambessa? we barely saw her (or ambessa) manipulate caitlyn#also ambessa's plan wasn't 100% clear either so I'm guessing that plot line (and singed's???) will appear again sometime
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Soooo. Was Poppy Playtime Chapter 3 a fluke or
#because tell me why they're releasing a bunch of new “nightmare critter” designs#so nothing different or new first of all just a rerun of what worked and was appealing in the last chapter apparently#plus they've all got this. mediocrity to them#the smiling critters weren't perfect but they had a simple charm and a sense of uniformity#they felt plausible as a brand#these new guys feel like designs a brand would pick from a roster of fan entries#and incorporate (poorly) into the original show's style#the posing is worse the line weight is worse#it's. eugh#my exact reaction as each new design comes out “😬😬😬”#maybe I'm just being a hater but i have literally no one to rant to about this soooo fellow haters interact#anyways. my expectations for chapter 4 have dropped significantly but who knows maybe it'll defy expectations.#knowing Mob Entertainment's track record tho literally none of this comes as a surprise 🤷🏾♀️#words#poppy playtime#is there a neg tag. uh. idk#this is all tags anyway
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something about being told im 'the leading person at this whole academy when it comes to interpretation and stage intelligence' by the husband of the woman im trying (not really. but i mean. who knows) to seduce... ok boy you got me. lets make it a polycule.
#im playing it all cool and funny now but atm i legit burst into tears lol#like he said i have a 'good voice too of course' but i know realistically that is not my strongest asset#and even if i were technically perfect. which im NOT lol. the voice itself is just nothing special. it's there ig but that's about it#but its nice to know i may not be 100% useless after all#(just 90%)#also apparently the most feared and respected professor who came to the concert said. again. that he likes me the most.#which again. crying real actual tears about this all rn this means literally the world to me this is everything i have#and i have no one to share this with because im not gonna say it to my uni friend cause i dont want her to feel like im boasting or sth#(even tho she has no such qualms herself but probably because i know how. not great. it feels when someone keeps talking about themselves#and about how great they are and how easy everything is for them. i dont wanna do it back at her.#well there's also the fact that i dont think im great and this is not fucking easy to me at all lol#but idk i think the difference between us is that she actually admitted she sees no point in singing if she cant show off (thus she hates#the duet we're singing because she sings the lower part and cant show off her high notes or coloratura.#which is like. an insane take to me. i mean it i get it. kinda. if i had a voice like hers maybe id be like that too fuck knows.#but that just feels so. idk. sad to me. so self obsessed and empty. like you dont care about the music itself? about you being a part of it?#also immediately made singing with her not fun anymore. i thought we were creating something TOGETHER. but thanks for the confirmation#that you only really care about being 'better than'. yikes.#like idk this behaviour is funny and iconic in old school opera legends like yes go bite each others dicks off.#but it hits completely different when it's your own colleague let alone your friend. like damn girl. damn)#) anyway. the husband is kinda hot too now that i think of it. i really should seduce them both.#except its realistically not possible since they've both seen me cry now (she saw it like a hundred times lol)#so ive lost the hot and mysterious card alas. no uni professors romance for me
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going to war to watch the Barbie movie was SO WORTH IT ACTUALLY 🩷🩷🩷🩷
#I HAD SO MUCH FUN I'M LITERALLY SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!#i seriously had to fight for my life. i waited a week for my cousins. we couldn't get tickts. i waited another week. none of them wanted to#try again. i went with cousins i never hang out with. they were so nice and they paid for my ticket and we bought the barbie promo thing!!#big popcorn! this cool chocolate i love that comes with a pink wrapper!!! and a barbie cup thing that i got to keep!!!!!!#and it's all so silly but god i feel like nothing ever reaches this country let alone this small city but#i get to feel part of a fun silly trend for once!!!! i wore a pink tshirt and i've been wearing this pink nail polish for three weeks hsgjd#BUT ANYWAY THOUGHTS#idk if it's as groundbreaking and judging by the critics i thought it would be more... more and it was definitely too much ken for my likin#but you know i always prefer to focus on the things i loved! it is what it is and I LOVED WHAT IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!#IT SO MUCH FUN AND I LOVE WOMEN SO MUCH AND MARGOT ROBBIE IS PERFECT AND GLORIA IS SO SPECIAL TO ME AND IT'S JUST SOOOOOO <33333#I TEARED UP THREE TIMES WHEN SHE CALLED THE OLD LADY BEAUTIFUL WHEN SHE HAD THE GLORIA VISION AND BEFORE TURNING HUMAN WITH THE OLD LADY#THE SONGS ARE FUN I LOVED THE CHASE SCENE SO MUCH??????#i'll never stop laughing at the fascist joke and the margot robbie joke and and and#gloria's husband doesn't exist. i love happy endings <3
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I love pavloving myself with music for writing I've done it twice now and it has made it so easy to pick things up. First with the Roses and Revolutions coffee shop playlist for Angel Collective, now with The Cure's Disintegration for The Same Deep Water as You. It is like a cheat code to productivity, but it only works if the music fits my writing and that is not something I can just conjure up every time.
#i also usually cant write with lyrics going on unless the sound is very very low. but there seems to be exceptions.#-pers#anyways im having my fave chard and trying to write for the next two hours and resist the urge to go to bed too early then toss and turn#and wake up too early#i have accomplished nothing today except edit and publish that chapter. and i just want it to be tomorrow already so i can get it over with#i think it is this nerve wracking this time because every other time i have walked into situations like this is below my capability and#they are underpaying me off the bat. i dont even want to be in this state. i dont want to be here. i hate all of you fucks and i havent eve#met you because im miserable already and you wont prove me wrong (i have to admit despite the bullshit at my last place they kinda did#in some ways. but were worse in other ways. a mixed bag)#but this time those things dont apply. i want to make a good impression. i want this to work. they arent underpaying me for the role#(though eventually i really need to make more to afford my loans and bills)#they seem like a decent org and the job seems interesting as heck. in my wheelhouse in terms of skill with only a couple downsides#but the downsides will keep me busy. idk. the hours are perfect to if i must work 40 hours then this is the best schedule for me to#not have my career make my sleep issues any worse#than they already are. and the commute is negligible#so of course i am more nervous i guess.#i just want it to be bed time. blah#i feel like i am in stasis but at least i can write
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“He is not to them what he is to me,” I thought: “he is not of their kind. I believe he is of mine;—I am sure he is—I feel akin to him—I understand the language of his countenance and movements: though rank and wealth sever us widely, I have something in my brain and heart, in my blood and nerves, that assimilates me mentally to him.” Jane Eyre, XVII.
18 / 139 / 91 / 78 / 2 / 12 / 75 / 80 / 75
#''we are very much alike‚ you and I. I and you. us.'' ''oh‚ except for a sense of honour‚ and decency‚ and a moral centre.''#➤ roger collins & victoria winters. ┊ pain sometimes precedes pleasure,miss winters.#➤ edits & art. ┊ the evans cottage art gallery.#compilation tag#this is. well idk if it's anything. it's not nothing.#but ... man. i happened upon that line of david's and i simply. yelling. in context... does it mean much? not really.#other than .. partially gesturing to the shared evolution in their relationship with david — from david's hatred and wanting them dead#to open affection and protection. but anyway … their parallelism compels me. their matching outfits!#as though they were … not perfect mirrors to each other‚ but contorted ones. not quite foils‚ less than doubles.#a reflection in water — not silver.#Roger’s likeness to Vicki doesn’t feel as immediately obvious (at least to me) as the parallels drawn between he and Carolyn#(who is a collins formed in his own image — physically as well as emotionally; mentally)#Vicki though: outwardly quite different. where roger is callous‚ selfish‚ tempestuous‚ hedonistic;#Vicki is ingenuous‚ compassionate‚ stoic‚ temperate#but they find in each other more of themselves than they’d like to. roger who sees in her not only the imagined weakness of her alliance#with Burke‚ but the weakness (so perceived) of authentic affection‚ of curiosity‚ loneliness‚ even love for his own family. For his son.#the interest in collinwood's ghosts that he would like so well to ignore.#and Vicki who finds herself always with ''a potentiality for corruption.''#she’d like to believe she remains here selflessly — out of love for David and wanting to help him — but it is her own self interest that#keeps her here: wanting to know her past‚ wanting to know these people‚ to be involved with them (no matter how fervently she denies it)#she who typically is calm as still water in suffering their wrongs but can lose her temper as well as roger if pressed.#who begins as almost pure truth but begins to lie — first via omission‚ then conscious untruths.#who — not without good reason — falls into paranoid suspicion of him just as he had her.#Vicki who is an auditory and visual echo — repeating dialogue; repeating clothing; repeating his haunts of the cliffs and the beach.#anyways. I just think they’re neat :) I love a gothic almost-couple
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I've never heard of emts working only at events? What's that like for you if you don't mind my asking?
Yeah, there are ambulance companies that staff certain events, but there's some event specific companies out there lmao. For me specifically, it's almost entirely college events, whether it's happening on a campus or not. It's not great, usually pretty boring, but it's better than being on an ambulance or in a hospital. We do get actual emergencies sometimes, but usually it's just getting drunk people to the tent or giving out water and bandaids lmao. Again, boring as fuck, but I chose this over working on a 911 rig, so that's on me 😔 if I'm being so real tho, other than my coworkers, the best part of the job is the food lmaoooo it's so good and all the food trucks/food booths give discounts or free food to us depending on the location and event. And there's almost always a ton of downtime, so I basically just get paid to sit there and vibe for the most part
#not snz#when i say i love my job i mean i love very specific parts of it lmao#idk if I've said it here before or not and this is gonna sound so bad coming from someone working in healthcare#but i don't like patients lmao#i love the book stuff and i love everything in theory and i know how everything works and I'm very enthusiastic about it#but man do i not like patients ahskaksk#there are exceptions obviously but those are few and far between#it's why i love being an emt at my fire station bc we don't reslond to medical calls#like I've done medical calls there for the public but very rarely bc people either approach us or we stumble upon them#so i really only do my emt things on the people i know and i love that#i love my coworkers so I'm always happy to make sure they're okay and help them out when they're not#but i feel nothing for the public and i didn't realize i genuinely couldn't care less about them until i started doing my clinicals#it's just awkward and I'm not invested in them i just like figuring out what's wrong with them and interact with them as little as possible#again there are exceptions and i do like some of the patients but generally I'm just trying to hand them off asap#so yeah i do like working events bc the alternative is being confined to a tiny box or trapped in a hospital#i like being outside and being able to walk around the place and do things if i want to#and obviously i adore my partner#and even on the rare occasions i work with someone else all day i love my other coworkers too#and i mean yeah this might be more boring than working on an emergency rig However#it pays so much better#like why do y'all think my medic partner works there lmao he's actually good with patients and prefers the ambulance#but the pay in the field is shit so he gets paid way more working events than he would at the three letter company#insane actually that he makes over ten dollars more an hour working chill events than he would being overworked on a rig#anyway i digress#I'm looking into pathology assistant school rn bc there's like no patient interaction there but i still get to be nosy#so that's perfect for me lmao#everyone keeps saying i missed my calling as a vet tho like i don't cry when a dog dies in a movie lmao i wouldn't survive#working with animals would be amazing but the only thing that really gets you money is being a vet#so that can be a hobby
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Agh man rip glass animals for me, I don't even have a desire to touch their newest album bcs I don't want it to ruin my opinion on them as a whole lmao. I will stick to the first two albums for the rest of time and pretend they arent making music anymore fhfjkg 😔
#idk if i can say theyre my fav band anymore if i dont like the vibe of half their albums#dreamland is okay but all the songs that got popular off it are my least fav#and i feel like it pushed them into making more generic music bcs thats whats popular#nothing will ever be zaba#ik music evolves right? so its not like im like they should forever stick w zaba vibes#bcs that album is contained within itself and perfect#but like. zaba and htbahb are completely different but equally good#but dreamland is eh. and the newest one i dont even want to touch lol#for example i think mgmt has completely different vibes every album#but i like all their sounds and it never felt like they sold out or anything#i mean considering all their most well known songs are from the beginning of their career#i think though yeah they're a good example to me of a band evolving +#but not losing their uniqueness#ill try playing a song from the new ga album and its just 😬 to me. so pop and generic#Anyways. salty.#the smiths will be my fav forever i guess#idk theres smth nice abt being into a defunct band bcs you know they cant ruin their image anymore LOL#though i guess morrissey is certainly trying....#catie.rambling.txt
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thinking abt like. if you introduce someone to something you're into and they're like, wow, that's so awesome, you're probably tickled that they dig it and are seemingly a kindred spirit at least that far; if you then introduce them to another thing you're into and they're again like, wow, that's so awesome, you're probably still pleased but also perhaps guiltily wondering whether they know any other adjectives; and if you introduce them to a third thing and yet again they're like, wow, that's so awesome, you're probably asking yourself, was any of that affirmation actually real or is this person just so reflexively accommodating that they've been turning off whatever independent critical faculties they possess in order to play a better yes-man???
(for values of 'you' that primarily mean 'me' obviously)
#just thinking a lot this week abt like. on the one hand i SO deeply need people to be kind and exhibit a readiness to be pleased#and i'm so relieved and grateful when i encounter that energy#but like. on the other hand i need to feel like i actually meet your standards‚ not like you don't HAVE any?#like. if a golden retriever wants to be pals it means nothing. if a cat wants to be pals it means everything#and like. if we're being honest i'm very very very picky abt. everything. i was going to specify areas but. it's all of them.#i just try not to actively be a dick abt it to anyone's face bc i think that's really important#(and like. i did a slightly less good job of hiding that in certain ways this week than i probably endorse so i'm thinking abt that)#(like i think the problem is that it always feels v important to be clear abt my tastes/Who I Am bc i want to be Understood)#(but like. sometimes ppl just aren't the sort of people who are going to Understand me and i need to get better abt cutting bait)#(and prioritizing courtesy abt their tastes over clarity abt mine in those cases)#idk. have very extremely not resolved the tension between my various values here#basically like goldilocks i need everything to be juuuuuust right which like. perfect IS the enemy of good and i know it!!#but at the same time like. it IS better to be alone than to be with people who chafe you raw.#but maybe eventually if you let them sand you into a new shape it'll be good? but. feels bad to be sanded.#anyway. strongly suspect this is not actually a coherent post i'm very sleepytired#this week was really really challenging and left me with a lot of food for thought. also some pie
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Henrow blorbo
first off, ohmyfuckinggodyouaresocoolllllllllllllllll
secondly, what ya workin' on currently? <- is deathly interested, yes please please please info dump if you have the spoons
- Ryan
Bonjour my furry friend. At the moment i'm mostly working on getting a job so that i can afford rent, but when i'm not doing that, i'm working on designing some new N-substituted 5MeO-tryptamines (in order to avoid being banned for breaking tumblr TOS, i can't say exactly what for, but if you look up 5MeO-tryptamines, you should see). So far i've only managed to make things that make me super sleepy (and maybe a tiny bit inebriated), so presumably my body is mainly metabolizing them into melatonin. I also have been working on working through the details of making a rocket engine which relies on both muon catalyzed fusion and z-pinch fusion (mostly because even though i know it's way above what i'm probably capable of, i just love space so much i desperately need to see it for myself and i figure that since rockets are so absurdly expensive, the only way i'll end up in space is if we can get a whole new generation of ultra-efficient rockets (for example, given p-N14 fusion, if we manage to get 1% or more (i don't really expect more than 0.1% max, but still) of the hydrogen fusing with nitrogen, we'd be able to put 150 tons on the moon from earth with only using about enough fuel to fill a small car (instead of needing a skyscraper sized rocket to send maybe 30 tons)). Now, if it were as easy as my calculations show it to be, i can't imagine how there are any rockets flown that aren't fusion, but seeing as i haven't even made a working proof of concept yet, i'm not in a position to criticize the thousands of aerospace engineers who are working on conventional chemical rockets. I love fusion because it's simultaneously so easy (i live pretty close to an old uranium mine where i can actually pan some uranium out of the creek near me, then use that uranium to make a neutron source (B10(α,n)) which is really just fusion between helium and boron, happening at room temperature because of how high energy the α particles released by uranium are) and so absurdly difficult (without catalysts like muons, it requires absurdly high temperatures and pressures that almost always take more energy put in than they can give out). Anyway, i've also been sorta working on studying a material that a while back i got way too excited over and may have called a room temperature superconductor (almost certainly not the case), but in an attempt to make it more pure and study it for real i've been trying to work on the exact calculations of its composition and finding a better way to heat it up to high temperatures (i might just put it in a flat-bottomed flask, especially since it finally warmed up enough for me to go back outside where the fumes released by its production won't make folks mad).
And then there's the biological experiments, currently with electroceutical tissue modifications since most of the other projects i have planned require me to have a gene printer capable of reliably printing genes thousands of base pairs long and i'm not sure when i'll be able to build that. The most recent thing i've been working on is really exciting because if it works it means that i've successfully done something that has never been done before to a human body (and given the long lasting pain in that part of my thigh, it seems very possible it is working), but i'm hesitant about sharing what the project is because i don't really want folks putting gap junction blockers, calcium channel blockers, and sodium channel blockers into open wounds without knowing how to do it safely and correctly to get the desired results and not just a really messed up wound. If/when this experiment turns out well, i might give directions in private, but i'm still somewhat hesitant due to the risks inherent in this (the biggest and most likely is literally giving yourself a form of cancer, something i'm not eager for others to risk). Soon i might try chemical dedifferentiation of skin cells (thinking on my back or upper arms) followed by some mildly dangerous experiments to test how reliably i can make it turn into other cell types. And while i haven't made good work on it in a while, i've also been trying to make something similar to shimmer from arcane (ideally not addictive or harmful to the user, but most importantly the quick energy burst, decreased pain, and increased regenerative abilities (obviously it won't be anywhere near as dramatic as in the show, so calling it shimmer may not really make sense, but it is where i got the inspiration)).
Then i suppose there's the battery project i was talking about in my last post, and i'm also trying to learn how to make alcohol under my desk (i mean, it's super easy, it just doesn't taste great). There might be a few more things i'm working on but rn i'm super eepy and have talked about a lot already. If this seems like i'm doing a lot or impressive, also note that i'm actively failing out of college (for my own pride: the material is super easy and mostly i already know it, i just can't stand wasting so much of my time doing homework that doesn't help anyone or anything) and not yet working a job, so i have a lot of time and so much free brainspace to think about and do all this. I also work very slowly on each thing because i keep bouncing back and forth between all of them and almost always end up adding new projects before i've finished the old ones and so i almost never see a project all the way through to completion (at least some of the bio projects are just sitting in my body and i am just waiting to see how they turn out in the next 2-3 months, so those necessarily will see completion, even if it's failure). I really hope i see the fusion rocket to completion because if i don't think i'll ever be able to see the earth from afar or the moon from up close.
#idk#answer to your ask#i hope this is mostly complete#also wow this is long#that's what she said#i'm kinda surprised how many projects i have#i don't often count them#but yeah here they are#i promise i'm not trying to use this for evil#also college kinda sucks because everyone assumes you know nothing and are incapable of learning#not saying you shouldn't go but just that in my experience it ain't worth it#you can learn so much more from the internet and free courses offered online (oer and mit opencourseware are good starting places)#also now that i've shared these projects i hope that makes me feel more accountable and have more need to actually finish all of them#i have so much schoolwork i gotta do and probably won't#1.37 gpa first semester was impressively bad#legitimately went into college thinking i would be challenged and enjoy it but now it's like#“wow i know all of this and yet i am required to spend 8+ hours on homework each day in order to pass even with perfect test scores”#anyway sorry that probably sounds like i'm being super annoying#these tags are getting super long#byeeeeee
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genshin player’s switch up on sumeru characters will haunt me forever honestly i’ve never seen such a large amnt of people act so utterly fake in such a small period of time😭
#everyone really pretended they cared abt the colourism and racism HNDBDJXBXXJ#sumeru as a whole still makes me feel so uncomfy to this day with the weird ass storyline and colourism and whitening of several characters#but now everyone is just fawning over how sexy al haitham and kaveh are or how cute nahida is like#😭 idk man i can’t stand it#it annoys me soooooooooooo much#even worse how sumeru characters are plastered all over my social media everywhere#the switch up of how big of a deal everyone made the sumeru design reveal to be at the start only for their banners and character popularity#to be some of the highest ones#like . likeeeeee …………..#feels so gross#anyways rant over i’m gonna stay in my lil mondstadt liyue bubble forever lol#not that those nations are perfect either but at least it isn’t tinged with the feeling of disgust towards fans 😭#also the amount of racism and colourism i saw people blatantly show with the release of sumeru was so crazy it makes my skin crawl#anyways i rly hate like 99% of sumeru ships and i don’t get how everyone can just brainlessly enjoy this region’s characters at all#esp when they are all SO white it bugs me to no end in hate it i hateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee#still so disappointed with kaveh’s design especially i think he was my last straw#i was hoping so bad he wouldn’t be some basic white bitch but he came out looking like btec howl PLEASE 🤨#and the way everyone loves him just makes me hate him more lmfaooo#the most basic and boring design in the whole world it makes me feel Nothing at all
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Not otherkin but I believe in their beliefs almost solely bcos describing tender actions as 'human' ticks me off. 'The act of impulsive communal creation is so human' ywah well I bet some lizards could do that. And pretty well too
#yes i am an aromantic autist why do you ask#like idk migjt be making a fuss out of nothing but like. dont like 'human' being an adjective for gentle/cute#bcos 1. there are human pricks 2. there are nonhumans who are tender/gentle#n ive never felt like. particularly included in humanity for (looks at autism and aromanticism) a variety of reasons#n going 'tender = human' implies 2 me some sort of universal drive to be tender that ive never felt#n like 'tender' isnt a perfect synonum gor how ppl use 'human' but like#u guys have seen posrs of ppl going googoo-eyed over historical stories u get what it means u get what I mean#idk idk idk. i feel a spiritual connection with that one meme thats like#'dont get a lizard as a pet bcos rhey cant love u like a dog can' i dont need it to love me i just need it to be a cool beast in my house#except like. as the lizard. yknow#like human connection is grand n all but i rlly do just wanna chill#anyway these are some words that u csn maybe find mwaning from#*THROWS HANDFUL OF 'SAND THAT ENDS TAG RANTS' ANS VANISHES*
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hmm I really want to change my name
#i have since high school but i just dont know. what to do bc nothing feels right or really stands out#my current one doesnt vibe with me and there are people who i am genuinely very wary of who know me by it so i just want to distance myself#from any association..#but then what do i do w my real social medias. like do i just change it and not tell anyone.#anyway since im moving to a new state its perfect bc No One there will have any idea who i am and theres no chance to run into someone who#knows me by my current one..#idk ive tried some and theyre fine but they dont click. sometimes i think ive found it and later its just like eehhh#and i would rather die than name myself some shit like sock or other infantilizing thing. and all the people i can think to name myself#after either have the most boring monosyllable or something way too fkin cool for me#cant win! its hard to ask people Well What Do You Think Fits Me bc thats a big ask lmao and ultimately i would have to rly think about#it. sm f h......#that being said if ur reading this 1st of all damn 2nd of all u could suggest a name. could use the help lol
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