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alllgator-blood · 3 hours ago

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FINISHED THAT ONE COMIC I POSTED ABOUT ALMOST 30 FULL DAYS AGO?? I FINALLY REMEMBERED IT EXISTED AND FINISHED IT. I HAVE SO MUCH I WANT TO SAY ABOUT MY LAMB NOW THAT THEY'RE FINALLY THE MAIN CHARACTER IN A LONG COMIC, BUT it went on forever so I put it below the cut.

While we're above the cut, I have a bunch of REALLy good asks I'll be trying to draw for soon. But keep an eye out for a poll coming up soon...cause now that this is out of the way, I want another big project to have in the background and I have Big Ideas for Big Angst Comics........

OH YOU CLICKED THE THING, NICE. OKAY. SO:

Have I ever talked about how my lamb works?? I need to do more with them but I'm a bishop enjoyer to an obsessive degree. The lamb operates on the same kind of level as kallamar did during the breakdown comic, but on a more permanent, more stable level. After being told to hide for their whole life, to never show their face and not even being given a name......being beheaded by four gods and recruited by a fifth forgotten one who claims they're the Chosen One just made the lamb think "OH! None of this is real. My brain wanted me to feel important before I died, and this is my dying vision. Okay, I'll play along >:)" and now they're the equivalent of when you beat a game and replay it while picking the funniest/worst options to see what'd happen.

USUALLY their decisions are clouded by the assumption that nothing they do actually matters, but they're still......a person who held things dear and had standards while they were alive. So they love hijinx, but aren't like leshy who launches people out of catapults for fun, or kallamar who sees mortals more as lab rats than people living their own lives. They'll do some things for the lolz but their humanity definitely shows through when dealing with someone like shamura.

I think they went into the bishop slaying quest wanting to hate shamura, assuming they were an irredeemable antagonist that deserved to be vanquished. They were told by narinder that shamura was the big bad, so they figured there was nothing to it beyond that. But then they actually MET shamura, who wasn't at all what they were expected to be. Every other bishop is just like "RAHH I'LL KILL YOU" when you meet them, and then shamura is the only person who actually tells you about what happened, speaks to you like a person and not an obstacle, and doesn't seem bothered about the fact they're going to die. So that got them thinking....hmm...perhaps these people are slightly more realistic than I anticipated. Still gonna kill them tho

I'm not sure the lamb hates the bishops, especially after the realization that they're a fucked up family acting out in desperation rather than logic. When you're born into circumstances you know will eventually doom you (like being a sacrificial lamb destined for slaughter) you kinda...lose the ability to care after a while. They don't really *forgive* the bishops for the slaughter of their people, and definitely enjoy bullying them and kicking them around now that they're powerless mortals- but the initial horror of being born to die has subsided. Now that they're presumably in some kind of afterlife, and have better, more fun things to move onto now that they're the ruler of everything- it's not worth it to hate those five forever.

I think *because* the lamb has only been a god very briefly and still remembers mortality well, that's why they're the one god who does things "because they're funny" but also is respectful of people like shamura. It's like when you're playing GTA V and you accidentally drive over a dog while trying to pull over and look at it closer. Is it a real dog?? No but you're still gonna feel bad!! So like I said, in the lamb's mind they have NO reason to care about any of these people or show them mercy, but the fact that they're not as detached from mortality as the bishops were makes them a benevolent god. I'll be doing a comic about this very subject in the future and it WILL be depressing >:)

Also. Unrelated. But if you read this far, I feel the need to justify why heket and leshy suddenly have boobs in this comic. I'm sure it's obvious that I headcanon the gods don't have sex characteristics cause like...why would they need those. I don't want to draw that. But as MORTALS they would probably need to have all their organs intact to function properly, so pour one out for shamura + leshy who probably completely forgot they were transgender until they woke up in mortal bodies. NOT SURE HOW KALLAMAR WOULD REACT, I think they're more just horrified they lost all their tentacles

I debated doing another silly comic about the concept but I don't want this blog to get too raunchy, so instead have this epic ms paint art (I CAN MAKE THESE JOKES, I'M AFAB TRANS I DESERVE THIS ONE THING)

#cult of the lamb #cotl bishops #lambert #leshy #heket #narinder #shamura #kallamar #comic

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mythalism · 3 days ago

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in my rook hating mindset now after that post this morning and cannot stop thinking about how they are literally the worst protagonist maybe in any story i have ever experienced JRHGKJERHGJERG. and like if you love your rook i am not saying you shouldn't. if you love your rook i am so so happy for you genuinely but you are also probably brilliant and have a huge brain because what the game gives you to build off of is so abysmal.

i literally cannot stop thinking about how insane it is that rook literally causes a double blight and worldwide catastrophe on a scale which thedas has not seen probably since the creation of the veil itself and just. experiences no remorse. and the story tries to tell us thats a good thing and makes them better than the villain/their foil. JHREGJKHERGJKHERG. HELLO?!!??!?!?! literally no one ever goes "hey maybe you shouldnt have done that" except solas and hes framed as the VILLAIN!!! WHAT!!!!!!!!!! hawke blames themselves for not putting the pieces together fast enough when a bouquet of white lilies arrived at their door? the narrative gleefully condemn anders with the immediate opportunity to kill him for his crimes. nearly every single character in origins immediately puts the entirety of the responsibility for the fifth blight on loghain's shoulders, regardless of the CLEAR SUGGESTION that the battle at ostagar could never have been won. and all of these makes sense for the world and characters!!!!! of course hawke would blame themselves for their families deaths when they were given the role of protector by leandra after malcom dies. of course the city of kirkwall is going to want anders dead for his extreme act of violence rather than start the uncomfortable process of acknowledging the beloved chantry's complicity in large scale abuse happening in the mage circles!!!! of course alistair and the warden are going to blame loghain for the blight and cailan's death!!!! it doesnt matter if they are right or wrong, it makes sense for their perspective and worldview to feel this way!!!!

have yall gotten the low approval conversations in inquisition????? solas's "Inquisitor. Tell me. How does it feel? Being you. Are you blissfully unaware or, deep inside, is some part of you banging on the walls, screaming?" cassandra getting drunk and practically spitting in your face how she regrets raising you up to such power? blackwalls' "Are you proud of yourself, of what you’ve built here? How about the lives you’ve destroyed along the way? Given much thought to those lately? Is this Inquisition all you wanted it to be? Because I’m disappointed. All I see is a gang of thugs led by a self-serving tyrant." and these SCATHING comments from those who once believed in the inquisitor enough to join their cause come from decisions that affect a fraction of the population that dies under the southern double blight. people will rip the inquisitior to fucking shreds when they fuck up. THATS THE ENTIRE POINT OF THE TRESPASSER DLC EHRGKJHERGKJHERG. like holy shit every decision carries the weight of "oh my god whos gonna hate me. who is going to die because of my choice. how is this going to come back to bite me." have we forgotten what its like to return to varric after leaving hawke in the fade and confess what we did? the call we just made? to look him in the eye and tell him that we sacrificed his best friend? WHY IS ROOK NEVER ASKED TO PARTICIPATE IN ANY OF THIS INTROSPECTION?????????? TO EVALUATE HOW THEIR DECISIONS AFFECT THOSE AROUND THEM BOTH PERSONALLY AND SOCIETY AS A WHOLE????? OH MY GODDDDD

the regret prison scene is so insane. first its insane because its solas at his best and most cunty. but secondly it makes no fucking sense even if im largely distracted by pookie being fun and villainous. solas tries desperately to play up rook's regrets during their conversations and we are supposed to believe that it was that manipulation that allowed him to swap with them in the prison. how does this actually work? blood magic? dont worry about it, kitten. but then when we get into the prison.... the only two regrets that manifest are things that just happened within the last 3 hours - your two party sacrifices. lets be clear that these are not even real sacrifices because literally all of these people volunteer to go and then argue about why they should go. this is so fucking stupid. then rook looks at the statues and says "i dont regret this because this was your choice". YEAH????? OF COURSE YOU DONT FUCKING REGRET IT WHY WOULD YOU. HELLO???? THIS WAS NOT ROOKS CHOICE THIS WAS ROOK JUST SAYING "SURE I GUESS". AND THEN THATS ENOUGH! THEY JUST LEAVE BC THEY CONQUERED THEIR REGRETS!?!?!?!?!??! WHAT!!!!!! there is no discussion of rook being responsible for the blight in the south that we find out via ooc inquisitior letter has KILLED LITERALLY EVERYONE. no suggestion that their recklessness and willingness to act WITHOUT ALL THE INFORMATION at the ritual is the reason for every single thing the evanuris do following their release.

and let me be very clear bc i know this was causing drama on twitter last week. i am not saying the double blights is rook's fault. i actually dont think it is their fault, although i do think they are stupid and reckless and shouldn't have acted so carelessly. but although rook is responsible for ghilly and edgar breaking free, rook is not responsible for the their actions following that freedom, and rook is not at fault for being put into an impossible situation (the need to stop solas's ritual) without all of the information on what the ritual was and what stopping it might incur. however, the double blight is rook's fault in the same way that the veil, the fall of the elvhen empire, elven mortality, and every demon's existence is solas's fault; which is to say, it is and it is not. solas was backed into a corner, in a desperate situation without knowledge of the potential consequences, and was forced to make a decision for the good of the world when he imprisoned the evanuris and blight with the veil. rook was backed into a corner, in a desperate situation without knowledge of the potential consequences, and was forced to make a decision for what they thought was the good of the world when they interrupted solas's ritual. but while solas feels immense guilt and responsibility for the choice he made, rook feels.... absolutely none. and the game tells us that... they're right? people should just not take accountability for anything? i will give credit where it's due here that varric's contribution to this scene is quite good and his line where rook tries to take responsibility for his death and varric says smth like "no, that was my own choice and you dont get to take that from me" is B A N G E R. WHERE WAS THAT ENERGY IN THE REST OF THIS FUCKING GAME!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

THAT was the lesson solas needed to learn, not that his regret was wrong but that it was MISPLACED!!!!!!!!! and that is why it is mythal acknowledging that their burden is shared and not his alone is the culmination of his entire story and what finally allows him to move on. pride stands alone, wisdom seeks out the input of others to make an informed and wise decision. this is also why he leaves such breadcrumbs for the inquisitor (a high approval one, at least) because he respects their opinion and their input and their existence and the way they treat him turns him back into wisdom from pride. this is why a romanced inquisitor mentions his name being pride and how its possible that hes not even CAPABLE of changing his mind because it would be so against his nature, and he needs someone whose opinion he values to show him the way. his flaw is his SELF INFLICTED LONELINESS!!!!! NOT HIS REGRET. varric even fucking says this in some random banter you get with his ghost in the infirmary but im too lazy to go find it on my desktop. its something about how he sees attachments as a weakness rather than a strength. his pride causes him to take on responsibility that is not his, his wisdom -> pride corruption has led him to believe he is the only one capable of fixing the world's problems and he will destroy both himself and those he loves in the process. he asserts that he is just a man but is unable to stop making decisions for the world like a god.

THIS is the solas/rook foil that should have been: rook relies on their friends and that reliance is ESSENTIAL; after all, the neve/bellara and davrin/harding sacrifice is essential to win. in contrast solas refuses to rely on anyone, and this isolation makes him increasingly cruel. when he has no one to mirror the way a spirit should, he becomes Pride, too proud and too god-like. his attachments make him more human. he is terrified of depending on others and will kill them rather than risk the vulnerability of dependence after what it has done to him (mythal, felassan). he has to unlearn this avoidance and fear, he has to admit that there "could have been a better way" that someone else saw and he did not. he must learn that he does not have all the answers. he is not Pride. its NOT that rook doesnt experience regret and doesn't take accountability for mistakes while solas is trapped by his own regrets. the message we got instead is so incoherent. but it was SO CLOSE TO BEING GOOD. the bones of this are littered everywhere in both the game and in the datamined content and for some reason it just could not be brought together in a way that makes sense.

the message that rook is "right" and better for not having regrets is genuinely insane, especially when the "regrets" they have to conquer are literally just. other peoples decisions. the fact that rook has the audacity to say to solas that he could never escape the prison while they could so easily because he is trapped by his own regret as if rook is better than him is genuinely so fucking dumb it makes me want to claw my eyes out for having been forced to read it. rook sacrifices nothing and learns nothing. the sacrifices within the game belong to the characters that make them, rook does not order people to their deaths in the same way that solas or even THE INQUISITOR do. rook never is asked to grapple with the fact that they ACCIDENTALLY unleashed a double blight, no matter how good their intentions. WHY DOES NO ONE BLAME THEM FOR THIS???? regardless of if it is their fault or not, the objective truth of fault does not matter, what matters is that you make decisions and PEOPLE JUDGE YOU FOR THEM!!!!!!!!! THIS IS LIKE FOUNDATIONAL TO THESE GAMES JEHRGJKREHGJKRHG. this is what the entire game is about doing to solas. judging him. based on his choices. and the game clearly wants you to have empathy for him in the end. but its so OBVIOUS that the vessel for building up that empathy should have been ROOK EXPERIENCING THE SAME THING!!! THE SAME JUDGEMENT!!! THE SAME GROWTH!!!!! FEELING THE BURDEN OF THE WORLD ON THEIR SHOULDERS. FEELING THE DREAD OF GUILT AND SHAME AND REGRET. TRYING TO DEFEND THEIR INTENTIONS!!! I DIDNT MEAN TO I DIDNT MEAN TO IT WAS A MISTAKE!!!! LEARNING THAT THEY HAVE TO OWN UP TO IT BUT THEY ALSO HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO MOVE FORWARD!!!!!! HELLO!??!?!?!?! they BARELY even express remorse for the treviso/minrathous sacrifice, even when faced with neve/lucanis's anger they just go "a decision had to be made and i made it". well. YEAH? LIKE YEAH THATS RIGHT BUT HUMANS HAVE FEELINGS??? YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A PERSON, NOT A BLANK SLATE VIDEO GAME PROTAGONIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS OKAY TO FEEL BAD!!!! YOU MADE A DECISION THAT RESULTED IN PEOPLE DYING. ANY HUMAN BEING WOULD FEEL BAD ABOUT THIS. ITS KIND OF FUCKING WEIRD THAT YOU DO NOT. HOW IS ROOK JUST BORN BEING OK WITH THIS. ITS SO ROBOTIC AND ARTIFICIAL LOL

rooks actions are such a clear, perfect parallel to solas putting up the veil and the guilt that haunts him afterwards that i KNOW it was intended that way and somehow it just got completely shafted. it literally feels like they did have a coherent parallel going and for some reason were forced to change directions last minute and thus we got some mish mashed barely cobbled together incoherent nonsense with clear echoes of its former self. instead rook has no flaws, makes perfect judgements at all time, has unconditional support from all of their friends who also make perfect judgements, are immune to making mistakes, and the message is its actually just really easy to not have regrets if you just choose right every time and refuse to take responsibility for anything as long as you had good intentions :D

#wow this just pissed me off so bad out of nowhere lMAO #dont leak this to twitter they'll flay me alive #datv critical #mine.txt #character analysis

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 2 days ago

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Meet the Family 8

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your boss needs a last-minute favour for the holidays.(petite!reader)

Characters: Lloyd Hansen

Note: I'm going to be starting my advent drabbles for December today so enjoy.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Asking for more or putting ‘part 2?’ is not feedback.

Love you all. You are appreciated and your are worthy. Treat yourself with care. 💖

You moan at the firm swirl of fingertips against your temples. Lloyd’s hands are so big and warm that they soothe the virulent pulsing, just enough. Your toes curl and you push your skull into his grasp as you sink into the bed.

“See, Pixie, not too bad, huh?” He purrs. You groan. He needs to just shut up. “I’ve been told I have very skilled hands, you know?”

“Lloyd, please,” you mutter.

“Please what? You want more?” He taunts and rocks his hips so his crotch rubs against your stomach.

You try to shake your head but can’t in his grip. You swat his knee and grumble, “not that.”

“Ah, come on, pixie, I can be quick but efficient,” grazes his nails over your scalp and you shudder at the cool sensation it sends through your hot skull. “You got goosebumps. I’m getting you there.”

“No...” you murmur.

“Mmm, yes. You don’t gotta do nothing. I’ll lick you like popsicle and you’ll melt--’

You flick your eyes open as a twinge pinches in your core. That’s not because of him. It’s just your biology responding to the physical stimulation. A dollar store massage pad could do the same thing. You grab his wrists and narrow your eyes.

“Stop. I’m too tired and miserable--” you whimper at the effort it takes to speak, “to keep arguing with you.”

“So don’t. Just let daddy Lloyd take over, baby cakes.”

“Daddy Lloyd?” You hiss and wince at the rattle in your skull. “You’re disgusting.”

“And you’re just like jelly in my hands. How about this, pixie dust, you just try to stop me. I think that will be fun.” He slackens his hold on your head and caresses your cheeks. Another shiver rolls over you.

Your hands brush over his as he glides past easily. He tickles your neck and you squirm as he moves back slightly. He walks his fingers along your shoulders then grips them tightly, pushing his thumbs into your muscles. You nearly choke as you feel the tension dislodge as he kneads.

You put your hand on his stomach and let out a wispy noise. Oh. No. It’s not that good. Oh but it is.

“See, baby, just a toy for good boy Lloyd,” he slithers.

You take and breath and curl your fingertips in the muscles of his torso. You’re no virgin, not some untouched nun, but it’s been as while and the feel of warm flesh plucks something deep in you. That tugging is just as much an adversary as the man who has you pinned to the bed.

Lloyd’s fingertips continue to rub, and roll, and raze your skin. He shifts his hands along your chest and drags them over the rise of your tits. He gropes you through your bra. You bare your teeth and latch onto his middle fingers as you try to peel him away.

“No, Lloyd--”

“Shhhh,” he hushes you.

He raises himself slightly on his knees and slips his hands away from your doughy flesh. He puts his elbows on either side of you, using them to support his weight as he spreads himself over you. Panic swells as you’re trapped under his tall figure. He slips his hands free and frames your sides instead, dipping his head down to bury between your cleavage.

“Nope!” Your adrenaline spikes, and the yelp reverberates in your head like the clang of a bell. “Lloyd, no! You’re not—Ayeeeee.”

He bites into the meat of your tit and you hit the top his head. He doesn’t react, only sinking his teeth deeper with a growl. You grab the longer strands of his hair and yank meanly. He grunts and recoils, leaving a throbbing imprint on you.

“Ow! Don’t fuck with my hair, Pix--”

“I’m telling you to stop--” You push yourself up on one elbow.

“You’re moaning like a neglected housewife while you’re doing it. It’s a bit confusing--”

“Is the word no that unclear to—you,” you put your hand to your forehead at the tick above your eye. You grit your teeth and snarl.

“I’m trying to help you. Can’t you see that?” He shoves you back down. “I’m not going to put it in, promise. I just want a taste of the pixie pie--”

He moves back to kneel between your legs. As he grips your hips and holds you down, your anger overwhelms that worrying tingle in your thighs. He bends as his fingertips curl under your panties and you bring your knee up into his ribcage.

He coughs and pushes himself away. He touches his side and hisses, “Goddamnit.”

“My head’s about to split and you’re trying to--” you gulp back the words as your cloudy dismay clears to horror. What was he going to do? How far was he going to go?

“Babe, my balls are about to split open,” he whines. “I was only going to be nice. Get you a little O before the big flight.”

You stare at him. Who the hell is this man? This isn’t Mr. Hansen and his curt emails and short commands. This isn’t the man who wanted his coffee with a single cream and his daily calendar colour coded. This is an animal.

Ugh, you knew better than to blur the line of personal and professional. Too bad, he doesn’t. Two million dollars. That little chant is not as encouraging the further you get into this, especially as you realise, this is only the beginning.

“Come on, baby, we can do it all over the clothes--”

“Get away from me,” you sit up with a huff, your whole body rebelling at the effort. “I have enough to worry about without you all over me.”

“Aw, please,” his eyes fall to your chest and flicker. You look down and sigh, one of your nipples peeking out above the bra cup. You fix it and shove him again. “Even the girls are tryna get out--”

“Sleep on the floor,” you sneer as you turn your legs over the edge of the bed. You stand and go to your bag, unzipping it as you nearly topple over. Your head is a maelstrom. You take out a loose tee and leggings and quickly dress.

As you turn back, Lloyd watches you with a pout. It’s disarming how he can go from pathetic to putrid and predatory. You near the bed and go around the other side. You take a pillow and throw it at his back. He sighs and stands up. He ignores the pillow and pulls back the blanket.

“No--”

“Hey, promise, I’ll keep my hands to myself,” he snaps. “I’m not sleeping on the damn floor. I’m still your boss, Pixie, remember that.”

You don’t say anything. That’s the Mr. Hansen you know. Demanding. Stubborn. You turn your back to him and stretch out on your side. You cling to the corner of the pillow and close your eyes.

His weight jostles behind you. He groans and the bed shifts as he leans over. The light shuts off and you nearly sigh at the relief.

He lays back but doesn’t relax. He fidgets. Tossing and turning, one way then the other. Adjusting the pillows, tugging on the blanket, bouncing the springs. You chew on the urge to bark at him to stop.

Finally, he stops. You exhale and try to ease your muscles. The tension only feeds the migraine. You focus on your breathing as you try to coax yourself back to sleep. You feel yourself slipping, further and further. A soft drone rises in your ears, rhythmic but harried.

“Mmm,” the hum breaks through your bubble and frustration sparks in your chest. You were almost asleep. “Mm, yeah, that’s....” Lloyd raspy voice drawls into the darkness between shallow grunts, “fuck--”

The shaking of the bed spikes your heartbeat. You open your eyes and frown. What is he doing? Is he--”

“Lloyd!” You spin onto your back and sit up, “Lloyd, stop that--”

“Fuck yeah, say my name,” he strokes himself furiously. You can vaguely see how the blanket jumps around his frantic motion. “Come on, I’m almost there.”

“You’re--”

“Told you,” he groans and pushes his feet into his bed, his knees bend under the blanket, “keeping my hands--- to myself.”

“Oh, god!” You turn and leap out of bed, stumbling. “Lloyd, you’re disgusting. Nasty--”

“Keep it coming, pix, it’s helping--”

“Ew!” You grab the pillow and twist away, stomping out, “absolutely gross!”

“Ah, yeah, fuck, baby! Thank you....” he voice peters out as you slam the bathroom door, flicking the lock into place.

You wince at the impact against the frame and sway in the dark. You throw the pillow into the tub and grab the robe hung on the back of the door. Fuck it. You give up. You don’t even want to sleep anymore, you just want to be left alone.

❄️

Your alarm wakes you through the wall. You’re stiff and sore, but your migraine has relented. The few hours were enough to push it back to a tenuous shadow. One wrong move and it’ll be back.

You climb out of the tub and turn on the shower. You wash quickly, minding the time, and get ready in the mirror, wearing the same robe you slept under. You emerge to the rocky snoring. You turn on all the lights but Lloyd remains unbothered.

You grab clothes, a black turtleneck and the same shade of cigarette pants. You dress in the bathroom then zip up your toiletry pouch. You come out to shove it into your suitcase and scour the room for anything forgotten.

As a final touch, you return to the bathroom and take one of the paper cups and fill it. You go quietly to the bed and tip it over Lloyd’s naked back, exposed above above the messy blankets. He squeals and bounces to life, flipping over as the rest of him is revealed to the room. You avert your eyes at his nakedness.

“What the fuck?” He snarls sleepily, “what are you doing?”

“Time to get up, Lloydy poo,” you clap at him. “We got a plane to catch.”

“Why the fuck would you do that?”

“What? I'm helping you wake up. Like a good wife, right?”

He goes to argue then hesitates. He moves the blankets and coughs. He blinks and rubs his eyes. “What time is it?”

“Well, it’s time enough. You have thirty minutes to get it together, babykins.”

He winces at your tone. He stares at you as you grin. He moves cautiously toward the edge of the bed.

“What’s... you did something?”

“No,” you answer flatly.

“But...” he eyes you suspiciously.

“I’m just playing my part,” you say. “Like we agreed. Not everyone is morally debunked like you, my beloved.”

“Stop it,” he says.

“Stop what, my manly man. The twinkle in my eye. My other half.”

“All of that. I don’t like how you’re saying it,” he stands and hides his crotch with his hands.

“Stop? Oh, teddy bear, we don’t know that word, do we? Stop? What could that possibly mean?”

“Alright, I get it. You’re mad about last night--”

“I’m not mad, sweetie, I’m concerned because if you don’t get yourself together, we’re going to miss another flight and if I miss this flight, well, I think I might just lose my mind,” you smile, “you don’t want that now, do you, snookums.”

“You...” he turns back to you, “you’re a bit deranged sometimes.”

“Speak for yourself, sugar,” you march up to him, your anger fuming like smog in your nostrils, and you pinch his naked ass. “Get into gear,” your voice deepens, “now.”

He yelps and pulls away. He looks at you like he’s been splashed with cold water a second time and he swallows tightly. His brows arch as he gapes at you. He keeps one hand over his pelvis and reaches back to rub his ass.

“Damn, Pixie,” he finally backs off, “you’re something else.”

“I’m exhausted and I’m annoyed, so don’t push me.” You warn him.

“Yeah, well, better get this all out now. I’m sure the family doesn’t need you spoiling the holiday cheer.”

“Me?” You hiss.

He blanches, “I meant... er...”

“Go,” you snap your fingers and put your back to him. “I gotta get all this in the car.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he says and you listen to him retreat into the bathroom.

You get your bags to the door then grab your boots and jacket. Your agitation buzzes just under your skin. You have the flight to rein it in. It won’t be easy like Lloyd’s family. They don’t know you, so you can pretend with them. But your family, well, you are related to them. You share quite a few traits.

And Lloyd. You can’t have him running round like some goblin wreaking havoc. This whole thing is his idea and yet he doesn’t seem to know the script. He’s unpredictable and uncontrollable. He’s not the type your family would expect. That’s because he isn’t your type. Never in a million years would you choose him.

You take your bags down to the car and return to the hotel room. Lloyd is half-dressed. A pair of lamb grey pants on as he pulls on a white turtleneck with a silver emblem on the left side of his chest. The clothes won’t help the theatrics.

You gather up his clothes from the day before. You shove them into his large suitcase. “Is that everything?”

“I think, I just have my essentials,” he says. “Gotta style the love stache.”

“Go,” you wave him away.

“Thank you, honey boo, I know. I do look handsome in this, don’t I?” He taunts. You look at him with all the lack of sleep and rage festering in you from the last two days. He recoils and puts his palms up, “right, I’ll doll myself up.”

You wait for him to disappear back into the bathroom before you drag his bags to the door. You’ll leave them there so he can pack away whatever else he has out. You go to the bed and sit, running your hands over your face.

This isn’t just about getting through today. After the bullshit he promised his family, this is going to be months of torment. You don’t know if you have the willpower to put up with him for that long.

#lloyd hansen #dark lloyd hansen #dark!lloyd hansen #lloyd hansen x reader #the gray man #fic #meet the family #dark fic #dark!fic #series

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sheeezu · 2 days ago

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Yes, this is a new account, I just made this. I don't care if people question the authenticity of my post, my experience as a shifter, or whatever I'm about to say.

I don't know how to use Tumblr, nor do I know how to make my post reach people who need it, nor would I be a narcissist and say "you're lucky if you found my post!" I don't mind if this reaches an audience or not, I'm glad to get everything off my chest.

Yes. I've shifted.

I have shifted realities, more times than I can count on my fingers, and that is for a very specific reason, which I'll explain later.

I'm writing this because I'm about to permashift, and no, I won't hear out any antishifters or people who don't like permashifting in general, I don't care about your opinion so don't waste my time.

Before I start, I'd like to say one thing:

I was irrational minded, I lacked belief in myself and shifting. Shifting often times felt like a chore more than a fun activity, and i have to admit, it became an unhealthy habit.

So? Why did I mention this?

Because I had been lurking around shifting communities and I realised everyone feels like this, a very (mentally) painful feeling where the lack of shifts starts acting as your biggest enemy, and the phrase:

"Shifting needs practice!"

Sounds like poison when it comes from an experienced shifter.

Though, is the phrase actually true?

No, not at all.

Shifting does not need practice!!

Here's why:

(BTW, I will explain my "method", no matter if I have time or not. Also, I don't call this reality "Current Reality", instead I call it Void reality, so don't get confused.)

The "practice" you're doing is only affecting your void reality (taking time out of your day, making you constantly think you're in your learning phase, so it doesn't exactly lead to your desired reality, does it?)

Of course, if you view it as a skill, it will in some way act like that, it'll become a skill for you, and you can never succeed on your first, second, third, hundredth try, because in your brain you have registered the fact that shifting is this grand, universal task, and that it is very difficult (because its common sense that you practice difficult things to get good at them)

Practice is a very humane and earthly act, if people have succeeded doing just practice, then good for then, they're right in their own way, but it didn't work for me, and in my opinion it's the worst way to view shifting, and often times it is demotivating, and you'll mess up you're entire journey.

Shifting is not a skill, shifting is a universal law.

I'll become more clear as I explain my journey:

My journey:

I found shifting from a random YouTube video 3 years ago. I might have only said cool and moved along.

A year later something traumatic happened in my life, which shook me so badly I needed an escape.

First of all, I chose astral projecting, but I realised I was too much of a coward to do so.

Then I came towards shifting, first DR was very typical, it was Hogwarts.

Having no knowledge whatsoever in the topics of spirituality, meditation, I went straight to methods, because they were like guides for me, I was very inexperienced, of course, and looked at other people and what they were doing for guidance.

Alice in wonderland method didn't do much, raven method was too uncomfortable (side note, all this raven method does is make you too focused on your void reality, cmon, in your DR are you laying down like a starfish?) And I was having terrible trouble with my intrusive thoughts (which made the floor disappear from under my feet, made the stairs for the stairs method too short to climb or straight up made them dissappear as well)

I didn't have any luck that year, no mini shifts, no lucid dreams, or sleep paralysis. And my DRs never remained constant. They always changed on a daily basis.

I was big on methods, I couldn't realize they never worked for me.

Although, this year of failure led me to finally figure out where I belonged.

A DR made out of scratch, which I spend much effort in putting the pieces of it together.

The DR, which was called "Home reality" really made me feel settled in my journey.

LOA, and the consciousness theory were the leading factors which made me shift.

And don't worry, it isn't what you're tired of being told, I didn't just apply any orthodox definition of LOA and succeeded.

Background to my first shift:

It was a particularly stressful day, I really missed my home.

I was studying at my college (I still am, but...) and I was dreading giving a chemistry test, I did not prepare. In my mind, one thing was constantly looping in my head.

The scenario of the chemistry teacher coming in, and taking the test, and the next day I get it handed back with a big fat zero.

But then I stopped and wondered, having already known about the consciousness theory, so according to it:

"I am constantly letting this thought run in my mind, and constantly letting this reality dictate what happens next."

Basically, I realized what was about to happen next was indirectly in my control, but with my line of thinking, I was letting this reality control it directly.

I stopped, like actually stopped thinking.

And with a blank mind I thought.

"I won't have to take any test today."

And went around telling my classmates this with a confident tone.

The teacher came in, said we'll instead do some practicals in lab.

So the test got cancelled.

Going home, I got excited, i felt powerful.

I decided to apply this to shifting.

Before shifting, I took a nap during the day, (if you're tired your body insists on sleeping, so your mind will get hazy and you will start acting lazy towards your goal)

And after living how I normally would, before bedtime, I listened to some songs, and look at a Pinterest board which reminded me of my home reality.

My method and what happened next:

First phase of shifting:

When I laid down on the bed to start shifting, I first got comfy (for me, if I feel sleepy for some reason, I laid on my back, I can't fall asleep in that position, but if I think ill stay awake until I reach a "detached state" then I sleep on my side, it's comfortable)

I obviously wasn't checking the time, but I spent about 10 minutes getting relaxed, all I do to relax is:

a) look at the blackness (closed eyes, looks like starry skies) and try to believe I'm looking at the milky way.

b) think about my home reality, just faces of my loved ones, and nostalgia inducing images.

c) Affirm, but don't focus entirely on affirming, usually in the back of my mind I'm repeating "I have shifted to my home reality" "I have shifted my senses to my home reality" "I have stopped sensing the void reality" "I am smelling, tasting, feeling, hearing and seeing my home reality" no other fancy affirmations required. (Now that I think about it, you need to affirm NOW because this method has two phases, one where you are shifting, and one where you have shifted, and you are in the 3D, where you are occupying your DR self, their thoughts, and memories, and popular method usually only have one phase, either you are shifting, or have shifted. So my point is if you affirm later and you'll be affirming when you're supposed to be in your DR, and obviously, your DR self won't be spouting out affirmations about shifting to a random reality for no reason.)

During this time, you'll feel tingly all over. It's a good sign.

And you'll feel a certain detachment, like you aren't exactly here, you have no idea what position you're lying in, and where your feet are. (Please, for the love of God do not start counting your feet or get freaked out that you can't feel your leg, you'll come back to the void reality.)

So you can start the next phase.

Middle phase (optional):

To prepare for the next and last phase, you can do this to get ready, or don't (First read the third phase)

This is all about connection to your DR.

Think about memories from your DR, focus on the faces of your loved ones, the way you act, talk, your mannerisms in your DR, or you can simply say affirmations like these one:

My name is ___.

I work as a ___.

My age is ___.

Don't try to imagine vividly or anything, lightly touch upon the basic details of your DR, the construction and foundation of any reality and the person, who has existed there for their entire life.

(That's you!)

Phase three:

Take a sudden, abrupt stop from your stream of thoughts. (Yes intrusive thoughts will still pop up but don't give any importance to them) when you're in a blank state of mind, not longer than 30 seconds, you need to build up to the last step of your shifting method, and journey.

a) start imagining hearing the voices of your loved ones or just any voice, calling your DR name, your nicknames, with different tones. (For example, i heard my name in an angry tone from my father when he was scolding me, I heard my name followed by a laughter when my S/O teased me.)

OK, for me, I started feeling intense, groundshaking symptoms at this moment. Sudden flashing of lights, extreme feeling of floating, and ofcourse, feeling tingliness so much that it felt like pins and needle on my entire body. (I did ignore the symptoms)

b) plan the rest of your day in your DR, which you will be spending.

AGAIN, PLEASE DON'T SAY IT LIKE THIS.

❌️When I reach my DR ❌️ I will have to go to that eye specialist for that appointment.

Instead: (and the more you personalize it, the better)

Ughhh, I have to go to that appointment- this day will suck.

(Don't mind my example, that was the only thing I could think of at the moment)

c) in this reality, you are constantly thinking of something, your thoughts are definitely what constructs this reality, and your current thoughts are affecting your subconscious. (By this point, your subconscious is grounded in your DR, so don't worry about that bastard.)

Now, you're going to start thinking, thoughts which are going on in your DR self's mind, start with one sentence, with which you'll be able to start consciously thinking like your DR self.

And think in the style, tone, and mood of your DR self, and keep the thoughts strictly related to your DR.

Thats it, but what happens afterwards? And what happened to me?

So for me, I started feeling weird while I was thinking.

And I remember I thought this:

"Ugh, I don't want eggs for breakfast."

(I'm not saying this is the key to shifting, at this point, I had covered various topics, including, weather, my upcoming work assignment, and praised my S/O for a good 5 minutes.)

And I started panting, like suddenly I was trying to catch my breath, the room felt bright, so I opened my eyes, and well, I was in my home reality :)

I was delirious for a few second, my S/O was looking at me worriedly, but surprisingly, it didn't even take me a minute to adjust, it felt all so natural and I wasn't scared.

I didn't even feel emotional, at all, and didn't hug my S/O with tears in my eyes, I straight up asked to be served breakfast, incase anyone was wondering.

So that's it.

Although i have much to say, I'm tired of writing, but I'm more than willing to answer each and every one of your questions, although I only have 7 hours left till I permashift, I'll remain mostly active till then.

And no, I'm not rereading this to fix my grammar, so just ask if anything confused you.

Ask away.

I'm still not sure if this'll reach anyone or not.

#shifting community #reality shifting #shifting motivation #shifting blog #shifting antis dni #shifting #shiftblr #shifters #permashifting #respawning #shifting methods #shifting stories #shifting success

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visenyaism · 2 days ago

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sorry man but i just gotta point out some people (like me) have actual, serious trauma from attending private school- mine manifests as severe ptsd and agoraphobia; my time in private education literally left me disabled. I had no choice in the matter, i did not want to attend that school, but i was raised by awful abusive parents who ignored the absolute hell i was experiencing and my multiple suicide attempts. If you’re gonna post derisive things about private school kids needing to be mocked, please at least tag or something so i can block it bc ngl reading first thing i the morning that i deserve to be made fun of for my abuse is extremely triggering. I don’t think it’s wrong to make fun of ALL people who went to private schools; but please, please take those of us who’ve experienced extensive abuse into account. We have been through enough and don’t deserve to be clowned on for being forced to the attend schools we were abused at? Sorry if im taking this personally (like i said, i have ptsd and this just happened to be a trigger i am not upset with you i just feel like you need to know this going forward), i would just really love if the abuse kids (especially queer disabled and otherwise marginalized kids) face at private school was taken seriously. especially because all of your other education takes are so good. Like i said there are private school kids that SHOULD be made fun of (the kids who participated in my abuse and got away with it come to mind for example), but for those of us with struggling with trauma PLEASE do not put us in the same category as our tormenters, thank you! 🫶

It sounds like you went through a whole lot and I’m sorry that happened. I hope you are talking to someone that is not me a random stranger on tumblr about it. However if you read this:

And interpreted that as me making fun of your specific personal situation and not the broader context of like lightly making fun of the wealthy I do not think that is fair. Do not put that on me.

#I could tell you my personal context for making that joke but I don’t feel like I have to defend this one #obviously there are abusive private schools. that is also unfortunately not unique to the private system

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lucehe · 20 hours ago

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Omg this looks cool let's goooo

Yuki

1) Animal Crossing music

2) Grim! Simba and Gino too! :D

3) Yuno is like a dad to her, even she sometimes feels guilty because she still loves her biological mom and dad even they did something wrong before

Yuki is also somehow close to Malleus, she can tell he is happy to be with her, even a lot of people seems to be scared of him a little, she can feel he seems a little.... lonely, she doesn't know why, but she will be nice to Mr. Horns

4) She is scared of being watched by a lot of people

5) Yuki likes to make potions, so alchemy (Don't worry Yuno will keep her safe and guides her)

6) History (she falls asleep sometimes)

7) No club! She needs to nap after classes, but sometimes she will let Yuno takes her to visit different clubs to play

8) Rook, she is kinda scared of him (but not she dislikes it's just Rook is like the uncle who always scares you when you are still small)

9) Mr. Trein! He got a cat too, and he sometimes will bring cute dresses to Yuki. He is also patient and nice to her, not minding that Yuki slept in his class (she make him reminded his daughters)

10) Pomefiore! She really respects Vil and wants to be as pretty as him, he is like a queen to her

11) Gino (even he is the taller and older one, Yuki will protect him!)

12) Stitch, she loves that blue alien, and that's the first time she goes to the beach

13) She will call her dad or Grim to help her, and Yuno will just spawned /hj

She can't really fight with anyone, so she will run if someone wants to fight or hurt her

14) She doesn't really take tests since she is too young, but she got A on the small test Yuno gave her (ABC, some vocabs, and simple math problems)

15) She used to be a little lack of confidence since she got freckles on her face, but she slowly got more comfortable, because noone will talk about how different she is

She isn't really scared of Rook that much anymore after Rook shows his freckles to her, and told her she is still beautiful with it

16) It's scary because many people are watching them, but it's cool because she got a new cat and the mirror can talk

17) They look like floating marshmallows

18) Everyone is older, which made Yuki feels anxious first, but she got used to it slowly, she feels more comfortable when she became friends with Simba and Geno

Also a new environment did make Yuki a little nervous too, but she is also excited about having a new life in magic world

19) She trusts Crowley

20) Chapter 7, she will grow a lot, however, on different chapters, she will learn a little from experiences, and slowly changing herself

Yuno

1) Headlock - by Imogen Heap

2) Grim, Ace, Deuce

3) He wants to make sure Yuki grow up healthy and safe, even she isn't related to him. He doesn't know what gives him the will to help her, maybe it's just responsibility or sympathy. No matter what it is, he will try his best

4) He hates medicines that taste bitter

5) History

6) None

7) No clubs, as a prefect in NRC, he often will work for Crowley, assist the other staffs, arrange the events and guides the guests when they visit the academy. Sometimes he will spend time with Yuki to visit different clubs, which he can let Yuki try different activities to let her discover her interest, while also check how every clubs are doing

8) Yuno is neutral and friendly most, but sometimes he is cautious towards dorm leaders who overblot since these people had cause harm to the others, which nearly made them criminals if something worse happened. He feels odd how Crowley handed the results. Maybe it's just how this world is.

9) Trein, he is a good father, and sometimes he gives Yuno advises about taking care of kids and cats, it worked a lot. Yuno respects him.

10) Savanaclaw, it seems to have a lot of freedom, and the training is alright to him. Besides, Yuki loves the animal people there too

11) Ace and Deuce, they are still young, but they did bring a lot of fun to Yuno, he enjoys their company, it's something he hadn't felt for a long time before getting here

12) Beanfest, even rook is weird, but they are a good team when it comes with hunting (?)

13) He did want to fight Crowley sometimes

He won't fight with the people in school if there is no reason too, instead of fighting, he prefers suppress when it comes with actually harming Yuki and the others safety

14) A+ the most, even being in the magical world, he somehow managed to learn things quickly

15) He is terrible on singing

16) Is this H@rry Pøtter

17) They looked more friendly then he imagined (reference: Japanese ghosts stories and urban legends)

18) Everything is different from the original world, meaning they have no connection here and needs to start everything over, learning the rules here, and stay cautious most of the time

Gladly they had a home now, and most people here are friendly

19) Yuno remained neutral, but he did thank Crowley from giving them a place to stay and paying money to him for working in NRC

20) Chapter 5, he saw how much everyone grow up after seeing them shine on stage (especially Deuce)

He will also have a development after chapter 7

That's it! :D

Twisted Wonderland OC Questions:

Do you have a song that represents your OC, if so why?

Who is your OC’s closest platonic friend?

Tell us about a complicated relationship your OC has with another character?

What are your OC’s minor fears?

What is your OCs best class?

What is their worst class?

Why did they join their clubs?

Is there a character your OC doesn’t like, if so why?

Who is their favorite staff member? Why?

What dorm would your OC be sorted into besides their current one?

Is there a character your OC sees as a sibling?

What is your OC’s favorite event(s), what was their role?

If your OC could physically fight another character, who would it be and would they win?

What are your OC’s grades like?

What is a secret not many characters know about your OC?

How would your OC describe their entrance ceremony from their POV?

What does your OC think of the Ramshackle ghosts?

What is the hardest thing to adjust to at NRC? The magic? Being away from their family? Ect.

Do they trust Crowely?

What chapter does your OC get the most personal character development?

#twst ask game #twisted wonderland #twst #cheekinrambles #twst family au #ディズニーツイステッドワンダーランド #ディズニー #twst yuu #twst oc

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eternalera · 20 hours ago

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i love everyone saying how if ekko stayed everyone would understand his choice and not blame him for it but he left anyways and that makes him the best character. and while yes i kinda wanna dig deeper into this, the fact is that if ekko stayed i doubt that he ever wouldve been able to forgive himself, he never wouldve been truly happy, why? because he had everything that he wanted. he was flung into another dimension by chance and it just happened to be the best one where everything went right and he's dating his childhood crush (aka jinx/powder although im gonna use powder since its technically powder).

throughout ekko's character we've learned a few things and one of them being that he's not selfish by any means. he's built an entire commune for the greater good, he doesn't charge people anything and he lets them stay, he created a utopia in a dystopian world so that people can grow up normally and live a life that he and a lot of others never lived at his age. he doesnt force the people into labor he lets them have fun and i highly suspect that the people in the firelights are there because they went to support him and his endeavors and he doesn't want to let them down.

he has people relying on him because of this thing that he created so what does he do when there's a problem? he finds it and goes to fix it, and when he does that its then when he gets flung into this alternate reality and has to try and get back even though he has everything. why?

because his people need him. the tree is still dying, and if that tree dies everyone's lives who live there will be utterly destroyed. because he created that commune/utopia he is responsible for it's survival and while he has everything in this universe it's not his universe it's not his to have. what is his though is once again his society and he cant just throw that all away not with everyone counting on him. so he needs to go back.

not only that but in the end powder was right, he gave them the tip, he started off the chain of reactions he was the one who introduced everyone to hextech and while it's not his fault of how everything plays out he played his rule as much as the next person, as much as powder or vi. he started the chair reaction and while he can't control what happens after it what does matter is that he started it, he knocked over the domino's and for that he has to live with his decision and how it played out.

in this universe everything turned out fine, in his though is an entirely different story and he has to own up to that, while he didn't control it he still started all of this kinda like jayce with creating hextech, he didnt want everything to go out of hand or for viktor to basically become god and emotionless but regardless of the fact that's what happened and maybe in a different reality that doesnt happen but it still happened and because of that he has to own up to that mistake.

when vi slaps powder and runs off she couldn't have predicted that silco would take her in or that powder would become jinx but she still has to take some sort of responsibility for it.

ekko has to face what his decision caused in the end, maybe there it turned out for the better but in his universe it didnt and i think thats what makes his character truly mature in a sense. now am i saying that everything is ekko's fault? no, it's not but just like everyone else he had his part to play and even if it's not his fault arcane does make it clear that he's not entirely innocent just like powder says

"you gave us the tip"

you introduced us to this, you made us go on this mission. you're not innocent. and this fucking works it acknowledges the part that ekko had to play in everything which... lets be honest some people were NOT (and still arent) talking about. so that makes him going back and fixing everything so much better even if most of it wasnt his fault he still sees the harm that he caused and wants to fix it.

thats why he's the boy savior, and that's why he cant stay.

#timebomb #ekko arcane #ekkojinx #ekko #ekko lol #ekko league of legends #powder #arcane #arcane s2 #arcane s2 spoilers #arcane season 2 #arcane season 2 spoilers

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lunarsilver · 3 days ago

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What awaits you in December?

Used: Moonology Oracle Cards

The pictures are from a Genshin Impact fanart by DSmile (also DSmile9 and DSマイル).

REMEMBER

I’m not a doctor, a psychiatrist, a therapist nor a psychologist. Divination will never replace meetings with them.

It’s a general reading, so not everything will resonate.

If you can’t choose between two piles, probably both of them have some messages for you. You can also not identify with any of them, and that’s okay, too.

Readings can help you make a decision, but they shouldn’t be the main reason for making it.

1 ~ 2

3 ~ 4

PILE 1

Full Moon in Virgo - Full Moon in Leo - North Node - Back of the Deck: New Moon in Sagittarius

The messages on the cards are: “You are good enough”, “Don’t let pride get in your way”, “Step out of your comfort zone” and “Luck is on your side”.

In December, you’ll struggle with being not too humble, not too prideful; with finding the right balance between the needs of you and the needs of people you care about. There’s a difference between self-esteem and arrogance. Some of you, once you stop second-guessing yourself, will do something creative. Others may need to apologize for mean comments, or a friendship ends. After you deal with the problems with your self-esteem, you’ll be ready to leave the past behind and do what feels right. It’s time to explore, to have fun and to widen your horizons. Do this project you’re thinking about.

PILE 2

Disseminating Moon - Full Moon in Aquarius - New Moon in Cancer - Back of the Deck: Mutable Moon

The messages on the cards are: “Take time to breathe out”, “Show the world the real you”, “You and your loved ones are safe”, “Nothing is yet set in stone”.

Here, it looks like something big already happened to you in November, and December is the time for seeing its consequences. A time of reflection is coming, of assessing your position. You may feel like everything is slowing down, but that’s okay, that’s needed! Then, as December progresses, you’ll experience more emotional matters. It’s never good to spend too much time only in your head, staying in touch with your emotions is important too, after all. Someone who was distant earlier can now be more communicative. At the end of December, there will be some new start in your private life, most likely related to your family or people you live with. Maybe you’ll move to a new place. Just make sure to not neglect yourself while having so much attention on other people. The card at the back suggests that December for you is about a change that you can influence.

PILE 3

Gibbous Moon - Full Moon in Virgo - New Moon in Virgo - Back of the Deck: New Moon in Leo

The messages on the cards are: “You’re very close to achieving your goal”, “You are good enough”, “A time to give rather than take”, “Confidence is your key to success”.

Two Virgos next to each other, huh. Okay, pile three, don’t get distracted, you’re really close to achieving what you want! Starting December, you’ll be finishing the work on whatever you started earlier. Don’t worry too much, just keep what you’re doing, hard work brings results. Yes, you’re good enough. Yes, your project will work out if only you commit to it to the end. After that, you’ll think about what you want to do next, so the end of December is the time of planning for you. For some of you, health may be important - you’ll start reinforcing good health habits at the start of the month, and you’ll see a positive change by the end of it. The card on the back only reinforces what I’ve said before: it’s about success in a creative project, feeling prettier and more confident (maybe thanks to your better health habits?), and getting the attention you want. It won’t just materialize by itself, of course - again, do what you’re doing and be proud of what you bring to the table.

PILE 4

Gibbous Moon - North Node - New Moon - Back of the Deck: Supermoon

The messages on the cards are: “You’re very close to achieving your goal”, “Step out of your comfort zone”, “A new start is coming!”, “Emotions are running high!”.

This reading is pretty straightforward, pile four (before I realized it, I already pulled out two out of four cards lol, the cards didn’t have to think too much about what to say). At the start of December, you’ll work on something and be so close to a satisfying conclusion, so don’t get distracted! Literally both North Node and New Moon talk about leaving the past behind, so it’s time to live more in the present. You’ll move in the right direction and start something new, exciting and definitely positive. And the card at the back? It’s about a big success, about having a lot of energy, about positive outcomes and good things. This may be quite an emotional month as well. You don’t have opportunities like these everyday, so take action! Sorry for not having more specifics, but the cards are just hyping you up and encouraging you to take the chances you’ll see.

#divination #pick a picture #cartomancy #pick a card #pick a card reading #general reading #tarot reading #free tarot reading #pick a pile #oracle cards #moonology #astrology #monthly divination reading

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mrsbuckybarnes1917 · 1 day ago

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1. A Soldier's Christmas Wish

Masterlist > Soldier in Ice

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Summary: Bucky is feeling a little down, haunted by the ghosts of his past. He writes a letter to Santa expressing his feelings.

Word Count: 4.1k

Bucky stood sullenly outside the store, his arms crossed tightly over his chest as he leaned against the frosted glass enclosing the front of the store. There was a bright warm glow that shone on him from the ocean of twinkling Christmas lights which had been strung across the ceiling of the mall, making the shadows in the crevices of his mind seem even darker than usual. Early Christmas shoppers bustled past him, their arms laden with bags of shopping, their faces lit with laughter and the warmth of their festive surroundings.

And then there was him.

Despite sincere attempts to conceal their gaze, Bucky could feel the weight of their stares on him. The way they would cast furtive, poorly hidden glances in his direction. He didn’t miss the way parents would usher their children across to the opposite side of the walkway. A group of teenagers, clearly high, whispered loudly and pointed at his left hand, their eyes wide as if they couldn’t quite believe what they were seeing. Some people tried to act natural but skirted around him with the kind of wariness you’d expect to be reserved for a caged polar bear, only there were no bars between them.

Bucky popped the collar of his coat to hide his face, before stuffing his hands into his pockets, but it didn’t matter how hard he tried to hide, they all knew who he was… what he was. It didn’t matter that he had cut his hair or shaved his beard, the glint of vibranium always gave him away. It was almost like people could sense it, his obscure past, the stain of blood that he couldn’t quite wash away. The weight hung over him like a dark cloud. No matter how many times Bucky told himself he was different now, he wasn’t that man anymore, to them, he would always be the Winter Soldier.

Inside the store, you were still perusing the shelves, selecting various items of clothing. He would make out your silhouette through the glass as you held up items of clothing in front of you and inspected them in the mirror. Your melodic voice carried through the large doors, your sweet and lilting laugh echoed in his ears as you chatted with the sales assistant. The sound grounded him, like a lifeline that tethered him to the present.

He pushed himself off the wall, walking up and down the length of the store a couple of times to relieve the feeling of restlessness. He had only come because you had insisted.

“Come on, Bucky. You’ve been cooped up for days. We can get everyone’s Christmas gifts before everyone goes crazy. We’ll grab lunch. It’ll be fun!”

Fun, yeah right! He almost laughed out loud at the thought, but there was no humor in it. His fists curled inside his coat pockets, the thick wool stretching as his grip widened. He wasn’t angry at them, not really. They were only human… just as he had once been, before everything. Before the war, before HYDRA, before… the soldier.

“Bucky?”

Your voice cut through the cacophony in his mind, pulling him out of his brooding thoughts. He turned to see you standing in the ugliest Christmas sweater he had ever laid his eyes on, it was far too big and far too festive for his tastes. But you tilted your head and greeted him with a sheepish smile, holding out your arms, inviting his opinion.

“What do you think? Too much? Or just cozy enough?”

As he stared at you, the harsh whispers, the frightened stares, the way the world saw him, seemed to fade away. The way you looked at him, warmth in your eyes, completely unfazed by the weight he carried, he only saw you. He cleared the frog from his throat, and shrugged lightly, trying to hide the smirk that was forming on his lips.

“Looks good. You can pull off anything.”

You laughed lightly, rolling your eyes and shaking your head. “Flattery won’t get you out of carrying my bags, you know?”

The second you turned your head, he dropped his smile, the dark cloud descending back over his brow. Unfortunately, as you went back into the store, you looked back over your shoulder, catching the tightness in his expression and your smile faltered. “Hey, you okay out here?” you asked, gently.

He hesitated. The honest answer was no, but he didn’t want to weigh you down with his ghosts. So instead, he nodded. “Yeah. I’m good.”

But as you vanished into the store again, he found himself wondering if he would ever really mean it. Bucky shifted from one foot to the other, trying to ignore the stares and glances which wafted over him like cold drafts. His eyes wandered, searching for anything to distract himself, and landed on a young boy tugging at his mother’s hand a few feet away.

“Mom, I wanna see Santa!” the boy declared, his high-pitched voice carrying over the clamor of the mall shoppers.

With a weary expression, his mother crouched down in front of her son. “I'm sorry, sweetie,” she said softly, “but we can't do that right now. The line's too long, and we're running really late.”

The boy frowned, his lower lip jutting in a pronounced pout. “How will Santa know what I want if I don't tell him?” he whined.

His mother gently brushed a strand of blonde hair from his eyes and smiled. “How about we write a letter to Santa when we get home? You can tell him everything you want, and we'll make sure he gets it, okay?”

The boy's pout softened as he contemplated her words. “A letter?” he asked. “What is this? The dark ages?”

She laughed and rolled her eyes. “You write it all down on a piece of paper, and he’ll know. I’ve got some nice stationery you can use. Come on.” His mother held out her hand to him.

The boy still didn’t look convinced, but he gave a disgruntled nod and let his mother take his hand again. As they walked away, their voices faded into the background of holiday music and gregarious shoppers. Bucky watched the pair as they merged into the crowd, his heart filled with a sinking feeling that he couldn’t quite name. He huffed a small laugh under his breath… a letter to Santa. An idea so innocent and filled with hope! He had done that once… a lifetime ago. Back when he was just a kid with wide eyes, scraped knees, and fantastic dreams. He had a vague memory of sitting at the kitchen table with his little sister, Becca. Their mother would allow them both one sheet of paper each for the special occasion and they had been told to make the most of it. They would scribble furiously together, comparing gift ideas before settling on their final choices.

Dear Santa, his letters had started, I’ve been good this year. Please bring Becca a doll, and I’d really like a baseball glove. Thank you!

The memory stung far more than he expected it to. It felt like there was a shard of glass buried deep in his soul. Had there really been a time where he had believed in magic? That little boy was now long gone, buried beneath decades of blood and regret.

What would Santa say if he got a letter from him now? Dear Santa, I’ve been... trying.

He shook his head, forcing himself out of the snowballing of dark thoughts. He wasn’t that kid anymore. He wasn’t sure who he even was anymore. At the end of the day, letters to Santa were for people who still believed in miracles. The sight of you stepping out of the store, holding a small shopping bag in one hand and giving him a dramatic twirl sent a wave of warm washing over him, pulling him out of his reverie.

“Well? How does this look? Or do I have no fashion sense at all?” you teased, a playful grin tugging at your lips.

Bucky blinked before his eyes snapped up to meet your gaze. For a moment, he just stared, your beauty making the heaviness in his chest lift, ever so slightly.

“It’s fine,” he said, his voice soft as he shrugged noncommittally.

“Fine?” you asked, raising an eyebrow and smirking. “That’s high praise coming from you,” you joked.

When you got no response, you edged closer, peering at his face. “What’s wrong?”

You had that look… the one that said you knew something was wrong even though he wouldn’t say what it was.

He hesitated, looking back over his shoulder to where the mother and son had been standing not long before. “Nothing,” he muttered, stuffing his hands in his pockets again. “Just... thinking.”

“Thinking, huh?” you echoed, tilting your head slightly. “About?”

He wasn’t sure if he knew the words to explain how he felt or that they were lodged so far down his throat that you would need to perform the Heimlich maneuver to get them out. So instead of answering, he gestured toward the crowd with a small nod. “Let’s just get out of here.”

As you strolled beside him, your arm entwined with his, he couldn't help but wonder if you had somehow seen through his facade, despite your unspoken questions.

*************************

Your living room of your apartment was filled with the soft glow of fairy lights and the scent of pine from the Christmas tree you and Bucky had been decorating all evening. You had ended your shopping trip by insisting Bucky drive you to the local Christmas tree farm so you could pick out a real tree for your apartment. This had perked up his mood slightly, being outdoors and away from judging eyes. It had been a challenge sneaking the tree up to your place on the third floor, but Bucky had no problems handling the conifer, while you played lookout for the landlord.

It was the first time since your childhood you’d had a real tree, but you wanted your first Christmas with Bucky to be special. Now boxes of ornaments sat open on the floor, their contents scattered as you both carefully picked and chose which ones to hang. The hum of a Christmas playlist filled the air, cheerful and warm, even as Bucky grumbled under his breath about “having to hear Jingle Bell Rock one more time.”

“Okay, I think we’re almost done,” you said, stepping back to admire your handiwork. The tree looked beautiful. Well, as beautiful as it could be with your slightly mismatched decorations and Bucky’s deliberate placement of a gaudy silver reindeer ornament right at eye level. “Just need to add the star.”

You picked up the golden tree topper, cradling it carefully as you stepped toward the tree. But as you tried to reach up to the very top, you quickly realized one glaring problem - the tree was taller than you anticipated.

“Oh, come on,” you grumbled under your breath. You stood on your tiptoes, but to no avail.

Bucky stood behind you, you heard a deep rumble in his chest as he chuckled. “Need some help, squirt?”

“I’m not short,” you shot at him, glaring over your shoulder. “The tree’s just... tall.”

“Sure, that’s what it is,” he teased, stepping closer. Before you could stop him, he grabbed the star from your hands, holding it above his head.

“Buckyyyy,” you whined, your tone filled with exasperation.

“What?” he asked, his lips twitching into a smirk. “I’m just trying to help.”

“No, you’re just being mean!” You jumped up, trying to grab it, but he just raised his arm higher, the star glinting teasingly in the light.

“Hey, you’re the one who insisted on a big tree,” he said, looking entirely too pleased with himself.

“Bucky!” You glaring up at him.

“Alright, alright,” he finally relented, though the smirk never left his face. He lowered his arm so you could take back the star. But instead of stepping back, he came even closer, both his hands coming to rest around your waist. “Here,” he said, his voice softening.

Before you could ask what he was doing, he was lifting you up, his strength making the act seem effortless.

“Go on,” he said, tilting his head toward the tree.

You froze for a moment, caught off guard by how close you suddenly were to him, the strength of his hands steadying you. You shook your head a fraction, shaking off the surprise so you could focus on the task at hand. Reaching out, you carefully placed the star at the top of the tree, adjusting it until it sat perfectly.

“There,” you said, smiling as you admired it. “Perfect.”

Bucky set you down on the floor gently, his fingertips lingering at your waist, slipping under your shirt for the briefest moment, before he stepped away. “Looks good,” he said, his voice quieter now as he admired your handiwork.

You looked up at him, catching the faintest hint of a smile on his face as he looked at the tree. The lines on his face didn’t seem as deep as they had been, as though the Christmas spirit had crept in to share the burden he carried. There was a softness in his expression that you hadn’t seen all day.

“Thanks for the help,” you said, nudging him lightly with your elbow.

“Anytime,” he replied, his gaze lingering on you for just a beat longer before he looked back at the tree.

*************************

The apartment was quiet, the kind of peaceful silence that only came late at night when the world outside was asleep and the falling snow absorbed the sounds of far away traffic. The faint glow of the Christmas tree lights spilled into the bedroom through a crack in the door, painting soft shadows on the walls. In the bedroom, you were fast asleep, your breathing steady as you curled into Bucky’s side. Normally having you beside him was enough to calm the storm that raged in his mind every night, plaguing his dreams. Your presence anchoring him to the present and pulling him out of the void that threatened to consume him.

Not tonight.

The darkness crept in like an old adversary, slipping through the cracks in his carefully constructed castle. It wove itself around him, heavy and suffocating, dragging him down into those memories that he desperately wished to forget. He could see the faces of the people he’d hurt, clear as day they flashed through his mind — all the faces, all those lives. He could still hear their screams, still smell the blood, still feel the weight of the weapon in his hands.

Bucky sighed, rolling away from you, slowly as not to wake you. He sat up, running a hand through his hair. The room felt small, too small as the shadows pressed in from all sides despite the glow coming from the living room and the streetlights in the window. He tried to focus on the good things in his life, on you, on Sam. He envisioned the way you smiled at him in the mall, the way you laughed when he teased you about the tree, the way you’d kissed him goodnight and whispered, “I love you.”

But tonight, for some unknown reason, even your light wasn’t enough to chase away the shadows. He stared out of the window, his eyes trying to make out the outline of the windows in the building across the street. They were black, of course, everyone would be asleep. You had stopped closing the curtains because you knew how overwhelming he found the darkness. He clenched his fists, his jaw tightening as he fought against the darkness of the night. And then, out of nowhere, the image of the little boy from the mall popped into his mind. The boy’s hopeful face as he asked his mother how Santa would know what he wanted.

The idea of writing a letter to Santa was absurd. The idea of a grown man, sitting down to write a letter to a mythical figure, now that was laughable. But for some reason the idea was stuck, like a stubborn flame refusing to be snuffed out.

It was probably ridiculous, but wasn’t his entire life lately built on impossible second chances? Maybe... maybe writing it down could help. Not to Santa, exactly… he wasn’t naive enough to think some Christmas miracle could erase everything he’d done. But possibly a confession… maybe the first step was to admit to his crimes. A way to unburden himself of the weight he carried, even if no one else would ever read it.

Would it hurt? No. Could it help? Maybe…

Moving carefully, he slipped out of bed, silently pulling on a hoodie to ward off the draft. He grabbed the journal he kept in the dresser on his side of the bed. The first few volumes contained notes he had jotted down before the Wakandans had removed HYDRA’s programming from his mind. The last two held memories of life after his pardon. Before Steve had left, he had handed Bucky a journal and Bucky had used it, scribbling down his thoughts and memories, his feelings and worries. For his birthday that year, you had gifted him another and he was already half way through it.

He sank into the armchair in the corner of the room by the windows, pulling the blanket you kept on the arm rest over his legs before resting the notebook on his lap. For a moment, he just stared at the blank page, the pen poised in his hand.

Then, slowly, he began to write.

Dear Santa,

I don’t know why I’m even writing this. I’m not sure I even believe you’re out there. Even if you were, I’m not sure you’re listening to people like me… murderers. Maybe this is stupid, but I saw this kid at the mall today, and he was so sure that you would hear him. I remember that there was a time that I believed too.

So I guess that’s why I’m here, writing to someone who probably doesn’t exist… asking for something I don’t deserve.

I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say. I’ve been a good boy? That would be a lie now, wouldn’t it? I’ve been trying though, you can see that right? And I hoped that would count for something at least, right? Maybe not. Maybe it doesn’t do anything to erase all the things I’ve done.

I was something else for so long. Something awful. A weapon they aimed and fired. I did those things, Santa. They weren’t just mistakes or bad decisions. They were unspeakable things. My dreams won’t let me forget, their blood on my hands, their screams, their faces. They haunt me every night. Everyone keeps telling me I wasn’t in control, that someone else was pulling the strings. But does it matter? It was still me. It was always me.

Do you believe in forgiveness, Santa? Some things just feel too big to forgive. But I want to… to believe that I’m more than those things… more than the worst things that I’ve done. Maybe there’s a way to make up for some of it, even just a little?

So I guess this is what I’m asking for. No gift, no miracle, just a chance. A chance to keep trying. A chance to figure out if I can be someone good, someone who doesn’t hurt people anymore. I’m not asking you to take away my past. I know that’s not how this works. I just want to stop feeling like the weight of everything crushing me every time I close my eyes.

Maybe it is too late for me. I don’t know. But if there’s even the smallest bit of hope left, I’m asking for it. Not just for me… but for the people I care about. They deserve better than the broken thing I am.

I want to believe in something again. In people, in hope, in myself. If you’re out there, if you can hear this... that’s all I want. Please.

Yours,

Bucky

His hand holding the pen hovered above the page where he had just signed his name. Bucky stared at the words, the letters blurring as his eyes burned with unshed tears. He let out a shaky breath and closed the journal, setting it aside. And for the first time in what felt like years, the darkness didn’t seem so suffocating. It was still there, lingering at the edges, but the act of putting his thoughts into words had lit a beacon, albeit only a small one.

Bucky slipped back into bed beside you, pulling you into his arms. Instinctively you nestled closer to him, murmuring something in your sleep. He let himself smile, believing just for a moment, that maybe his wish wasn’t entirely impossible.

*************************

The first rays of dawn flooded through the window, casting a soft golden glow over the bedroom. You stirred, blinking sleepily as you felt the warmth of Bucky’s arm draped over your waist, his face buried in the pillow beside yours. His breathing was deep and steady, but there was a tension in his posture, even in sleep you could see a tightness in his brow, the faint lines of worry etched into his face.

You could tell he’d had a rough night. Carefully, you wriggled out of his grasp, pausing when he stirred slightly. You froze as he took a deep breath before settling again. You tucked the blanket around him, pressing a soft kiss to his temple before slipping out of bed. Pulling on your dressing gown, you padded out of the bedroom, your fluffy slippers muffling your steps. The apartment was quiet, save for the hum of the hot water running through the pipes. You decided to let Bucky sleep a little longer. He needed it. Maybe you’d make him pancakes and that chicory coffee he liked so much. Sam had introduced him to it the last time you’d visited his family in Louisiana.

You wandered into the living room, reaching for the plug at the base of the Christmas tree to turn off the lights. As you crouched down, something caught your eye: Bucky’s notebook, lying open on the floor next to the armchair. Normally, he was meticulous about putting his notebooks away, tucking them into the bedside drawer you kept empty for him. But this one had been left out, open on the last page he had written on with the pen nestled between the sheets he had been writing on.

You hesitated. You never invaded Bucky’s privacy, it was a line you’d promised yourself you wouldn’t cross. But the notebook was open, and your gaze caught on the words scrawled across the page in his familiar, slightly jagged handwriting.

“Dear Santa…”

Curiosity tugged at you, and before you could stop yourself, you reached for the notebook, lifting it reverently. You settled back into the armchair, the early morning sun illuminating the page as you began to read. As your eyes raked over the page, your heart ached. Every word was like a window into the parts of Bucky he tried so hard to keep hidden from you; the guilt he carried, the longing for redemption, the fragile hope that maybe, just maybe, he could find a way to believe in something good again.

His words were raw, a confession that felt like it had been ripped straight from his soul. He hadn’t written to ask for presents or material things. He’d written to ask for forgiveness. For a chance to keep trying. For hope. You blinked rapidly, your chest tightening as tears pricked at the corners of your eyes. You knew Bucky struggled with his past, he’d opened up to you about some of it, though never in such detail. But seeing it laid bare like this, seeing how deeply he felt the weight of his actions, broke your heart.

You closed the notebook gently, running your fingers over the worn cover as you sat in silence for a moment. What could you do? How could you help him see that he was already so much more than the sum of his past?

An idea began to form in your mind.

You glanced toward the bedroom, where Bucky was still sleeping, and set the notebook aside. If there was ever a time to show him that miracles (big or small) were possible, it was now.

You rose from the armchair, wiping at your eyes as you headed to the kitchen. Pancakes and coffee were just the beginning of your plan.

Masterlist > Soldier in Ice

@lives-in-midgard @baw1066

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x f!reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fan fiction #a soldier's second chance

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summertimesadnessirl · 23 hours ago

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Nah. I don't think anyone will care when I die. I want to die because the same dumb shit keeps happening. Everyone else gets to have a stable life and build themselves out of poverty and all that. I wind up back at rock bottom every few years. I keep having to restart the way most people only do maybe once in their lives. I don't want to build myself a life again and have someone destroy it.

And the last time someone did it, they did it on purpose. The did it in an insane way no one would ever belive. A way I could not have prepared for. Then they gloated. Then they tried to claim I need to be "humbled." For finally believing I was allowed to have what everyone else is born into or allowed to build once and and I built 6 times. For not wanting to be poor my whole life. Then they gloated, told me I was crazy, then told me I need to be pushed to go after what I really want. What I want is revenge on a global scale. Like what I really want is for everyone who ever did this to anyone to literally instantly confess to all their crimes and die. Then I still want to die. I don't have a backup dream. I built the life I wanted. A life that also worked for the type of person I am and the type of lifestyle I can actually live- some fun. Some regular treats. Some things other people don't need that made things easier for me and compensated for a lot of my flaws and weaknesses. Some other things I did because I liked the people I did them with or for. I lost it. I don't want a backup life. I want to die. I am not getting tricked into building another life.

The truth is, there is no way that I could ever defend against what happened happening again every time my life makes me happy and works for me forever. So I am going to just allow the people attacking me... yeah. They are still attacking me... to kill me.

I know there's no explanation for why they are doing it other than sadism. They have made no demands other than many conflicting things that only seem to be whatever would be something someone else would want but would make me equally miserable as I am now even though it sounds like a reasonable demand if you don't know me...

Imagine if you were idk... diabetic and someone said they would stop bullying you if you ate a dozen cookies. And if anyone else did that, it would be a prank. Or if you have red wine triggered migraines and they say if you drink a glass of wine with dinner every day they'll stop. But you have to do it forever.

So I'm gonna let this destroy me completely and then kill me. I will not accept any other outcome. There is nothing I could be bribed with or convinced to take as a consolation prize.

I don't care anymore. 🤷 nothing will ever make me want to live now that this happened.

I know when it kills me, there's a billion to one shot that anyone believes I'm being gangstalked by a bunch of?? It doesn't matter. Everyone is going to assume I'm having a 4 year long psychotic break with the same delusions over and over and trying to f figure out or rationalize what's going on. If it wasn't happening to me, I would, too. None of the proof sounds real, all of it sounds like the crap you would hear in a shitty paranormal case, or a ufo investigation. Rokos basilisk. Indrid Cold is doing Havana Syndrome on me. The creature from Nope. Someone made a fake episode of last podcast on the left and added a bunch of additional information on Ester Cox. Bro idk. Dinky Earnshaw and Light Yagami are sending the world's slowest Tigers to constantly meow at me for 4 years. I don't give a shit, dude. It's happening. Good cops don't exist. No one is gonna solve the case. Even if some dead whore turns up, nobody will care but my imaginary boyfriend from when I was 15. I started imagining talking to him again because like? Whatever. Everyone thinks I'm nuts. Talking to a fake guy you made up as a thought exercise is actually normal. Lots of people do that. I know it's just a little game. I just stopped because I had friends. Highly unlikely that's going to solve my murder. So I literally do not know who is doing this. So I literally can't stop them or look for proof. They are never going to get into trouble either way. So instead, I'm gonna endure it til it kills me. Either they'll kill enough people that eventually someone will notice or they don't. But I don't wanna live anymore. Even if they quit right now and someone showed up at my door with like, a uhaul filled with 20 billion dollars and a litter of kittens, or full communism was declared, I will still want to die. So if they have to murder someone, it might as well be me.

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spotlightlowlife · 2 days ago

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hella decent vs hella descent

The satan character is decent.

A judge and a reasonable one at that who it seems is well respected among his peers, all the sins but sadboy showed to his court, there was plenty of room to speak and this court session was abruptly held because of one little snitch (with a good case) so we get the impression that he is a stickler for rules and justice.

No idea how powerful he is but he showed us something that this series has been lacking which is a hierarchy. A stickler for the rules but clearly had some favouritism and affection for Stolas who sits high as royalty, was Stolas spared by satan or is there a known and accepted exception to the rules when it comes to royalty? That was left open.

Stolas's punishment, if it's committed to could actually something excellent for his characters growth, the opportunity to genuinely slum it and gain empathy and appreciation for what is a lifetime to the average person.

I like how the moment Stolas lost his position the general public would turn on him, again, finally establishing that these titles stand for something.

We're definitely not missing out on sadboy Lucifer over at the hangout hotel, he truly isn't needed.

Stella can love her daughter and loathe her husband who loathed her right back. No proof that's she's the incompetent parent. Nothing hard to understand here. The Octavia scene could have made Stella look more of a villain had this all been her plan but no, her brother pulls the strings.

Still, Stella remains interesting .

I appreciate that Mammon was tediously bored, unbothered and was looking forward to taking a break to eat, like many people forced to be at meetings, this further told us that these meetings are something that must be attended like it or not.

They really laid it on thick that nobody likes this guy and were so petty about it, reminding us that he's gross, fat, glutinous, stupid, unfocused, childlike and doesn't get that those who aren't snapping at him don't like him either.

Were we supposed to find a grownup playing with toys that ranged from fidgit to toddler an annoyance or amusing, since the whole direction of this character is that he's offputting and wrong in every way possible?

Mammon had no time for Stolas's song yet Stolas would approach him briefly and knock over his building blocks, is his lack of interest in 'emotional' song and dance another reason we should be disliking him, who didn't have a song to sing in his episode where he additionally broke the mould of 'no fun'?

Why does Bee have issue with him? Wasn't she a fun, dismissive and shallow, binge eating and drinking pushing party girl when we last saw her? Couldn't these two easily be close?

What exactly is ancient Ozzie's issue with ancient Mammon outside of the past 10 years with 30 something Fizz?

Bee and Ozzie being attached at the hip and practically sharing lines is so tacky. They're reduced to cheering on Blitzø despite their few exchanges with him, exchanges which involved unresolved critique, these two are truly the worst, they got worst, Ozzie heckled Blitzø on before he got neutered, but after neutering he knows that Stolas had been lending out his grimore, Blitzø no longer has Stolas's book but now has Ozzie's crystal, so he's unser his jurisdiction now, a deal Stolas and Ozzie made behind Blitzø's back, how about talking about that? Bee on the other hand got neutered during her introduction, when she all of a sudden saw Blitzø as a huge problem that was ruining her party and killing a vibe though we saw no NPC walking out, now she's arguing that he's harmless? We don't get much of them but the brief moments we do get just dump on their credibility further but hey, what matters is they're both dating on Blitzø and co. level so they're 'nice guys'.

Two sides of the same coin is what they are. Though their opening lines were to cape for Blitzø things soon turned to Bee sex shaming Mammon, yes Queen Bee, the prince gluttony who sat cringing at Mammon's gluttonous display, makes the sex remark. I repeat, coin, two sides.

Really gives more credence to critism of fat phobia and acephobia (because asexual means nobody wants you, it's just another word for incel) that I've seen, there may be room to throw neuro divergence ignorance in there too.

#helluva boss critical #helluva boss critique #helluva boss satan #helluva boss mammon #helluva boss mastermind #helluva boss asmodeus #helluva boss beelzebub

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revenantghost · 1 day ago

Note

Hey, I’m just here to say you’re extremely missed and that, even though there’s probably not much I could say to make any of the bad things less awful, I’m hoping for an easier and gentler future for you soon. Take care, ok?

Oh man, thank you so much for sending this, and I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond (and to the other person who sent me an ask, too—I'm not sure when I'll get to it but please know it was seen and means so much). It has just been. So awful. I won't dump on the public at large everything that's happened, you don't need that novel, but it feels like every day life's falling apart more and more.

Just, seriously, thank you for sending this, and to the couple of people who checked in with chats (again, I'm sorry if I haven't responded yet, spoons are just very limited). There have been a lot of times throughout this where I get overwhelmed by everything going on and some truly horrific people I've met in the fandom and I've considered deleting everything permanently! Very often!!! Tbh I'm still struggling with that VERY intense urge while writing this. I feel so unsafe, and scared, and run down.

And tbh, it's really hard to believe anyone could care about me when I feel so awful and worthless, I feel like it must be an obligation, or I somehow accidentally manipulated people, but I'm trying to cling to that being the brain demons talking. Because I really appreciate the time and effort anyone's taken with me. And I really miss fandom and fun, even if it's weighed down with some significant trauma—I still love the stories and the characters and, most importantly, the amazing people I've met here. Outside of any fandom I've poked around in, the wonderful people I've met matter the most, and I'm trying to cling to that.

I really enjoy talking with everyone, running little projects/events, and for the first time in years actually writing again. (I've been slowly plucking away at that AU I mentioned a few times and I want to start posting for an event this month but! Ahhh!!!) I would like to try and be active again, and I'm so sorry for just being such an absolute goddamn mess. I feel like this is all too much to even say, but I do want to just be honest about all of it. Still, again, thank you so much for reaching out <3 And I'm sorry this is so ridiculously long even though I don't feel like I'm saying much and nothing important, I didn't intend for this answer to be a word-vomit update, just. Things suck, but you guys are good, and I hope things are as okay as you can be on your side of the screen <3

#Ask #shiromouse #Yadda yadda #I feel really bad for even saying all this honestly kasjndkasjdn #I'm really so sorry if this is too much #The guilt has been especially bad since I was... uh baited let's say #A very very bad incident #Done by a 'friend' in the fandom maybe about a year ago now #It's just been so hard to trust and feel okay and exist man #Because you can't forget #It makes it so hard to want to exist #And my house is falling apart my animals keep getting sick #I swear it's something new every day #ANYWAY time to stop rambling #I'm gonna try to restart the queue in the next few days I just still feel... overwhelmed #That's why I stopped it #I just couldn't stand existing #BUT YEAH #GOTTA STOP RAMBLING

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weirdsht · 2 days ago

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hellooo^^!! i really like the totcf fanfic that you made and i thank you for it. Can i request something? i found a lot of fanfics about cale x f reader who are a married couple, but i never found a fanfic about their wedding. so can you make one? like from cale proposing to her, the preparation for their wedding day, or the reaction of cale's family and when he was on their wedding day. i really appreciate it if you are willing to make it, and sorry if i ask too much. stay healthy^^

Eternity Has Started Before We Even Knew - Cale/Fem!Reader

a/n: i don't know much about weddings but i tried my best huhu

tags: female reader, wedding preparations, proposals, fluff, suggestive ending

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

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It's been roughly a month since Cale proposed to you. Now, it has also been roughly a month since the stressful wedding preparation started. Despite the stress, you still managed to find some fun in doing it.

Especially when the people around you ask how your now fiance proposed to you.

“Did the young master really turn the Henituse garden into a fairy-esc wonderland and set up a dream-like dinner by the pond Miss [Name]? I never pegged him to be such a romantic!”

“Right? I was surprised too, especially since they said he planned it for months and I never noticed a thing. Cale, while he was never outwardly sweet, has always taken into consideration what my likes and tastes are. I think that consideration and love he has for me shined through his proposal.”

As you and the boutique owner chatted about the proposal and wedding preparations, you found yourself reminiscing about your beloved’s sweet preparation a month ago.

You could still feel the light breeze in your hair as the kids dragged you towards the garden. Still see the light, warm lights that made it seem as though fairies were emitting them. Could still savour how Cale stood in the middle of it all, holding a bouquet of your favourite flowers while wearing an extravagant outfit he usually would throw a tantrum about.

You could still hear how everyone congratulated you once you got back inside the manor. Could still feel the hug from Deruth and Violan as they welcomed you to the family. Could still see Basen and Lily’s shining eyes as they rejoiced once Cale told them that you said yes.

Of course, while wedding preparations can bring joy and excitement, they can also cause distress. Your betrothed being such an important figure did not help in the slightest.

“Sweetheart, my dear you know you have to go. His Highness cannot ward them off alone.”

“He's a grown man, he can handle himself. Plus you told me that you’ve been having problems with one of the vendors…”

You cupped Cale’s cheeks and looked into his eyes. While you understand that he wants to help you prepare for the wedding, you also know that the kingdom needs him right now.

“Ron and I can handle the wedding matters for now. You’ve been trying to juggle our wedding and the kingdom for a week now and it’s time for you to solely on one of them.”

“You’re right, that’s why I’m foregoing the kingdom so I can focus on you instead.”

“Baby…“

Cale Henituse grumbled in annoyance before kissing you and muttering that his going to cause havoc so no one would call him for a while. As if on cue, Raon enters the room telling him that Alberu is calling him and it seems to be urgent.

“If he doesn’t give me at least 5 golden plaques and a new villa as our wedding gift I’m going to blackmail him for at least 3 months and tell everyone to not give him dead mana.”

The new upgraded status of going from Cale’s girlfriend to fiance has its own perks… much to Cale’s dismay.

“Miss [Name] it’s good to see you again. Are you and your boyfriend still going strong?”

Cage greets from beside Marquis Stan. They were in your home to visit Cale after so long and it just so happened that you were near the entrance so you greeted them.

“Cale? Oh! His my ex now!”

“[Name], for the last time, saying that I’m your ex is not a good way to say that we’re engaged”

You heard your lover’s dismayed sigh before you could feel his arms warp themselves around your waist, exactly where they belonged. In front of you Cage and Taylor can be seen laughing with the former pulling out alcohol from her sleeves to celebrate the occasion.

Wedding planning has its own ups and downs. Sometimes, some things are really just bound to go wrong while planning. There are times when you would feel frustrated because nothing seems to be going your way. Still, whenever you remember that the end of this is you and Cale getting married… everything doesn’t seem as frustrating anymore.

And oh was it worth the excessive planning and stress.

Because now you are walking down the aisle, surrounded by people you love. Walking towards the man you would spend eternity with, the man who is both your best friend and the love of your life.

The ceremony was elegant and emotional. You and Cale spared no effort in making everything to be the way you envisioned it. It was like the wedding of the century, it could rival royal weddings. Still, despite the extravagance, it was still intimate as the only people invited were the people the both of you love and trust.

Every single soul witnessing this union are people who has seen how everything developed between you two. People who witnessed how you and Cale slowly fell for the other. People who lost sleep because of frustration because both of you were so dense. People who may or may not have cried tears of joy when you got together. People who supported one of you when the other one was injured or unconscious. People who fought tooth and nail with other people because they kept accusing Cale of cheating simply because he used to have a trash reputation.

They were there for everything, and now they could see how Cale ever-so-slightly stumble on his words when reciting his vows. While his face looks composed, his eyes look so emotional. Looking at you as if you had hung the moon and stars.

You were his world, and everyone could see that in his eyes.

Everyone could also see how their commander’s hands trembled when he was slipping your wedding ring. It’s such a sight to see their Cale, famous for being calm, composed and unwavering, act like a newborn deer.

And of course, everyone could see that lone tear of happiness that slid down the redhead’s cheeks as he kissed you. No one will ever mention it though, for the sake of their emotionally constipated young master.

The reception had a more humorous vibe compared to the ceremony. Everyone let loose and embarrassing stories were thrown during the speeches.

“Cale, my lovely sworn brother, I love you, I really do, but I didn’t enjoy the times you barged into my room in the middle of the night to share your fears of having a chronic heart condition when it was just you being in love with [Name].”

Alberu shared during his speech and it made everyone laugh.

“You think that’s bad? Try living with him nya!”

Someone heckled from the crowd and it insinuated another round of laughter.

The rest of the night was fun. Everyone forgot their duties for a while and was solely focused on having a good time. Some people danced, others took this time to catch up with friends they hadn’t talked to much, and there were even people who started an eating contest.

It was the wedding night of your dreams.

But that doesn’t seem to be the case for Cale.

“Cale Henituse! We haven’t even said goodbye to our guests yet!”

You scolded your now-husband as he kissed you while trying to pull you away from the party.

“Don’t care, I haven’t had you to myself for a whole week. Plus it’s our wedding night and honeymoon, they’d understand.”

Cale argued as he brought you to the teleportation circle that was prepared beforehand to take you to your honeymoon destination. Being the starved man he is, Cale Henituse kept kissing you in between talks. His impatience shows as he tries to hastily unzip your dress while activating the circle at the same time.

“But- hmn- Cale-!”

You tried to pull away, but it’s been a week since you properly kissed your beloved so you eventually melted into the kiss. Cale took this as a chance to tear the magic scroll that would activate the teleportation circle.

“Now how about spending a wonderful first night as Mrs. Henituse? Hmm?”

#le asks #cale x reader #cale henituse x reader #lcf fic #tcf fic #x reader #x female reader #trash of the count's family #lout of the count’s family #tcf #lcf #cale henituse

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luciferanalyzestar · 3 days ago

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After Sinsmas I’m fuckin done with Helluva Boss. What could’ve have been a fun premise with compelling themes of socialism and classism sprinkled in between has become a melodramatic sobfest for the creator’s pet who everyone in the narrative must bend over to no matter what

I just made a post feeling the same way.

Helluva's premise could have been simple here is just rewrite of it:

Blitz, an imp who is at bottom of the social hierarchy wants to make a name for himself. He gets the idea of becoming an assassin who kills humans for sinners. He meets Moxxie and Millie and they joined him, Moxxie wants to get away from his toxic past and Millie wants to prove herself to her family. Blitz does not have the ability to go to Earth and fails at getting a crystal from Ozzie (Unknown to Blitz. he is ex-crush/friend Fizz is Ozzie's boyfriend), he learns an Ars Goetia named Stolas has a book that allows demons to travel to Earth. To make his dream a reality, he makes a deal with the sex repressed prince. Blitz has to be Stolas' escort and have sex with him once a month. Blitz does not tell his co-workers about this deal. After spending time with Stolas, he learns how much of a self-absorbed classist he really is. He gets creeped out when Stolas says fetishizing stuff about him being an imp. Blitz hates being around Stolas but does not want to disappoint his co-workers or his adopted daughter. Stolas develops a twisted crush on Blitz, viewing him as a form of escapism from his doomed from the started marriage. He does not care for Blitz as a person but as a sex object to fill his sexual desires. (If I wanted to rewrite Helluva, I would make Loona younger so we can see them bound more as a single father with a young child) Imps around him have tried to start businesses, but they never go far. Failure is not an option for him. Stella finds out about the deal Stolas made with Blitz and uses it as blackmail against him. She knows he will loss his title if it is found out that he has playing around with the lower class. She never loved Stolas but stays in the marriage to protect Octvia meeting the same fate as her (being a baby making machine) and if she divorces Stolas, she will be left with nothing.

I feel like a decent writer should have made this show's premise work and still being entertaining without becoming melodramatic. Like I mention in the post I linked, Blitz and Stolas are the main reason I am losing interest. I know stans go "IT IS CALLED HELLUVA BOSS!! OF COURSE BLITZ GETS MOST OF THE FOCUS!!!" Other franchises that are named after a character still give the other characters chances to shine like Sonic, Bluey, SpongeBob, and etc.

I highlighted the episodes of season two where Blitz and Stolas' relationship is a part of the plot.

Out of eleven episodes, only four is not about those two. If their relationship was spaced out more, giving other relationships and dynamics the spotlight, I would not have a problem with it.

The narrative doing backflips to make their relationship work grinds my gears. There is nothing romantic about it, the relationship's foundation is built off of sex and at worst, sexual coercion. I keep asking this question but what does Stolas see in Blitz outside of "being good in bed"? Same goes for Blitz. Blitz is a damaged person; the last thing he needs is to get into a relationship. I fear that the show will go in the direction that all of Blitz will heal from his trauma once he marries Stolas or some shit. Getting into a relationship will not solve your problems. People are not Band-Aids.

It is pure melodrama. We all know that Blitz and Stolas are going to get together. Seeing them lukewarm trials and tribulations so they can be together is wasting our time.

They should have gotten together in at the end of season 1. and maybe season two should have been about the hardships of their relationship of a prince falling in love with someone who lower status. I think their relationship would have worked if Stolas was not an imp fetishizer and got called out more on his classism and if Blitz is less of an unpleasant jerk and was just someone who always have their guards up due to being hurt by others in the past.

Helluva seems like an easy show to write about, why are Viv, Brandon, and Adam fumbling the bag so hard???

Off topic under the cut:

I wonder if someone reworked the show into being about humans.

Brad, man of color becomes a hit man to support himself and his adopted daughter. He wants his young daughter to have a better life than he said growing up. He gets anonymously hire to kill a wealthy higher class White man named Seth. (The anonymous person was Seth's wife, Stella). Brad gets caught by Seth but instead of reporting him to the police, Seth makes a deal with Brad that he will be his personal hit man, killing all of his business rivals. The downside is that he must do sexual favors for/on Seth.

#ask #helluva boss critique #helluva boss critical #helluva boss criticism #vivziepop critique #vivziepop criticism #vivziepop critical

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