#it’s not even always for something serious but like a self soothing behavior it brings him comfort and that’s so funny

[10thmusemoon]

My favorite QiJiuism is when a writer briefly adds in Shen Jiu fantasizing about killing Yue Qingyuan or reaching inside his chest. The fact that this is so common is just the 10/10 hive mind understanding of the character

[thewritetofreespeech]

Could you do the brothers + undateables comforting or helping an MC that deals which chronic pain. Chronic hip pain if you really wanna feed my projecting self. Please don’t feel any pressure, I know some people aren’t comfortable writing stuff like this! Thanks 💕✨

As someone with several friends with chronic pain issues, I would be happy to do this. I know I can never capture the true understanding and agony of a patient of chronic pain, but I hope this helps someone with CP reading this and also promote more understanding.

Obey Me Boys + Chronic Pain Reader

Lucifer

Not the best with it at first

Doesn’t have a concept or gauge for human pain. Initially thinks all humans are just weak when it comes to pain

He is aware he can come off gruff and has a ‘suck it up’ attitude. Which doesn’t help.

Will write you a note or let you stay home from class if you need to

Working on bettering himself and understanding of your condition

Mammon

Scared

He doesn’t know what to do or how to be a ‘nurturer’

Seems every time he touches you or comes near you it just makes it worse

Which just makes him feel bad, when all he wants to do it help

Goes on Akuzon and buys you all the fluffy soft things he can find to make you feel better. He’ll take the heat from Lucifer later

Levi

Worried. Why are you crying??? Why are you in a ball on the floor???

Understand, a little, when you explain to him what’s going on

Makes you the best nest possible with his beanbag, noise cancelling headphones, and soothing anxiety reducing puzzle games to relax to

Torn between wanting to help more and leaving you alone. But he can’t leave you alone.

Satan

Reads every book, article, and paper on the subject of CP and your condition

Knowledge is power. That is how we’re going to overcome this thing. (Not how it works but cute)

Researches different stretches and exercises that can help with the pain. It hurts to move but sometimes that is the best solution

Let’s you pet his secret cat he keeps in his closet to help soothe you. Animal therapy is also a good solution for pain therapy.

Asmo

In pain that you are in pain

Say what you will about Asmo, but for those that are important to him he’s very empathetic

Would let you use his tub and fancy floral soaps any time you wanted to soak the pain out of your muscles

Back rubs anytime you want too

Tries to keep it down, between himself and the others, so you can rest and recuperate in peace

Beel

Devastated your in pain

The most empathetic out of the bunch. He worries for all his brothers, and especially you

Also, his body is very important to him. He can’t imagine your body ‘betraying you’ like that

Would literally pick you up and carry you anywhere you need to go

Comfort food for days if you want it

Belphie

Feels sad for you

Not pity. Just sad that you’re feeling bad

Initially thinks it has something to do with him, but comes to realize that it’s just a thing your body does

Your bed is his whenever you need it. He’ll even give you his prized pillow to snuggle with

Also snuggle with him. Yes. Do that.

Solomon

Tries to remain calm and practical

Obviously, being as old as he is, he’s seen people in pain. It just hasn’t affected him this much before 

Looks into magical cures to heal your CP

When he can’t cure it, he looks into more pain management options with potions and salves

Has a killer sleep point that lets you conk out (finally) when you need to sleep

Simeon

Obviously upset, but tries to keep a brave face

Worrying will only upset you. And he knows you’re self-conscious about your condition

Wonders why God would create such a beautiful creature, only to give it such pain

Tries to help by reading to you and spending time with you

Runs his fingers through your hair because you seem to like it when your head hurts

Luke

Obviously upset, and totally shows it

He’s very naïve when it comes to human. As well as pain.

He’s literally lived in heaven where there is no pain. So to see you doubled over, out of the blue, is scary and a shock to him

Questions of faith over why this is happening to such a good person like you

Bakes a lot of sweets to hopefully make you feel better

Diavolo

Concerned for your condition

Humans are weak, but he knows you wouldn’t make a fuss unless it was really serious

Summons the finest doctors in all the Devildom to try and help with your CP

School is cancelled for you until you feel better. You’re not to get out of bed except to pee until you feel up to it

Comes to see you, and check on your condition, every free moment he gets. Why did he have to be so fond of a weak little human.....

Barbatos

His calm, serene presence is actually really soothing

Doesn’t change his behavior much, but does seem to ‘drop in’ frequently when you are having bad days

Always seems to know for some reason. *wink wink*

Will sit with you. Bring you rose hip tea and fennel biscuits

Provides an update to Lucifer and Lord Diavolo so they will leave you alone

[shingia]

Heya. I know this is very angsty of a request, but I saw the fic of characters reacting to their s/o who [tw] relapsed into self harm and was wondering if you would do some for asahi, ushijima, and oikawa?

[𝐓𝐖] 𝐒/𝐎 𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅-𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐌 𝐩𝐭.𝟐

hi ! ofc you can honey <3 i hope these will bring you as much comfort as you need, and plz don’t hesitate to dm me if you need to talk to someone, or to reach out for help in any way. here’s a hug for you bcs you deserve it, love you 💗 

also im sorry but i really couldn’t imagine asahi ever arguing with his s/o so i didn’t include this in his fic (he really is too precious)

warnings : mentions of self harm, one mention of blood, some self-depreciating thoughts. please do not read if any of these might trigger something, stay safe everyone <3

➾ 𝐚𝐬𝐚𝐡𝐢

asahi trusted you blindly. and everyday, he had to make an effort to persuade himself that you trusted him in return. you did of course, how could you not trust the one that had helped you through so much ?

but this wasn’t about trust ; it was about shame. because the last thing you wanted was to find in his eyes the anguish and fear as they were a few months ago. you couldn’t do that to him, yet you kept doing that to yourself.

however, you had the misfortune - which was more of a blessing really - to have a very observant boyfriend who cared about you. and he cared enough to gather the courage to finally ask you about what he had hoped you’d come to him for. sat next to you on the couch, he took the plunge. 

« do you… do you remember when you promised to always come to me if you needed help ? ». there, he had said it. and from the way that his arm tightened encouragingly around your waist, you understood what he meant by this innocent question. he kept speaking : « you know i trust you, right ? i really do. but something tells me that maybe you forgot about this promise recently ».

each of his words was carefully chosen, more than usual. because even if he didn’t show you, he was terrified of messing up. the fact that you were reluctant to answer was enough for him to understand that he had guessed right. but what confirmed it was the single tear that slowly streamed down your cheek.

« oh angel, no, come here. come, you’re ok now… » he spoke in a tone that was more comforting that anything you had ever heard. his arms were wide open for you to snuggle in, and when they wrapped around you, his words replayed once again in your head. i’m ok now, i’m ok now… you repeated internally. and you were, asahi was a man of his words after all.

« i’m sorry for being weak » you finally said after a few seconds of silence, voice half-muffled by his embrace. his warm fingers traced the outline of your face, encouraging you to look up to him. not because he needed to see your face, he already knew it by heart, but because you needed to see his. « weak ? y-you’re the furthest thing from weak. how can i even put it..? you are one of the strongest person i know, and i wouldn’t be half the man i am today if it weren’t for you. 

you wanted to thank him, but exhaustion took hold of your body before any word could leave your tight throat. and when you woke up - two hours later according to the clock - asahi was still there, holding you tight against his heart like a promise to never let go of you anymore.

➾ 𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐚

ushijima hated to waste time and energy on ‘petty fights’, as he liked to call them. but it was really frustrating to always feel like he avoided confrontation ; arguments were necessary in a relationship, and he didn’t seem to understand that.

whenever you got into fights, you were always the only one to get angry, which never failed to make you feel guilty afterwards. and eventually, this feeling of guilt started to become permanent, taking so much place in your brain that you had to sacrifice a part of the self-confidence you had built up the past months. but you didn’t know how much longer you could conceal it.

tonight was the first time you were sleeping together since your most recent fight, the one that had damaged you so badly. and you couldn’t lie, feeling his warmth next to you after about three days spent ignoring him almost felt like a reward. but a reward for what ? you were certainly not proud of what you had done, and you were terrified at the thought that he’d ever notice it. but unfortunately, your efforts to pretend like everything was ok were put to an end in the middle of the night, at about 3 am. something silly, really : ushijima had just turned around in his sleep, and his shoulder accidentally weighed on your wrist, making you hiss in pain. he immediately opened his eyes at the sound, his hand immediately finding its way to your side - he was always a light sleeper with you.

« are you ok ? » he asked, propping himself on an elbow, barely distinguishing your silhouette in the dark. « yeah, just my wrist. come on, let’s go back to sl- ». oh… that wasn’t supposed to be said out loud. it was hard to gauge his reaction since you could not properly see his face, but since he sat on the bed as soon as you interrupted yourself, you understood that it had not fallen on deaf ears. « are you comfortable with me turning on the lights ? » he asked, obvious concern in his voice. saying yes was tempting, because you knew this was a serious matter, but you couldn’t bring yourself to let him see you like this, vulnerable and ashamed.

ushijima accepted it of course, he knew he was not the best with words, so the least he could do was to make sure you were comfortable with whatever he decided to do. « is it ok if i hold you ? » he asked once again, his tone a bit more hesitant. the muscles in your jaw tensed at his words, it was more than ok, or at least you wanted to give it a try, but the worry you had caused him was bringing you back to the familiar feeling of guilt.

however, when he carefully made you rest on top of him like he had always done, something inside you felt healed to know that whatever you were going through did not impact every aspect of your life. his embrace felt the same, so did his heaving chest that rocked your body to sleep every night. surprisingly enough, you did not shed a tear. because the comfort finally felt stronger than the pain, you refused to let anything trouble this moment.

« are you ready to talk about it ? » he questioned, his voice rumbling like a soothing storm in his chest « or do you prefer to wait until tomorrow ? ».

ushijima might have avoided many discussions with you, but this one ? he simply refused to. and if he was more than ready to help you overcome your pain, he also knew not to pressure you into talking. words would come, eventually. but actions were always first.

➾ 𝐨𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚

despite his usually confident behavior, oikawa knew he had a tendency to second-guess each and every one of his actions, and to beat himself up quite often.

he could not remember the last time he had felt so utterly disgusted by himself, he was usually more careful with his words. but all it took was one angry outburst from him for you to withdraw into yourself - and he had to fix this as soon as possible.

luckily for him, your relationship was strong enough not to be too affected by this argument - which had not been your first, but definitely the biggest one. however, you had been affected. a lot actually. but you knew better than to talk to him about this, knowing that he would obviously take the blame for your relapse.

but oikawa was attentive, and, clever as he was, it did not take long for him to guess what you were going through when he saw the red-stained tissues in the bathroom trash. it had been two weeks since your fight, and just the thought that he had left you alone with your struggles for so long made him want to throw up.

without wasting any more second, he burst out of the bathroom and made his way to the living room where you were absent-mindedly watching a movie. he would have preferred to have a discussion with you with a clear head, but the sight of the tissues kept spiraling in his head and he was incapable of doing anything else but to pull you in for a hug whose suddenness made you gasp.

oikawa’s hugs were usually soft, with little kisses here and there and a few compliments chuckled in your ear. but today had nothing to do with those. his arms were engulfing your figure in a desperate need to feel you against him, like he was trying to make up for all the time he had left you alone. « i’m so sorry, so sorry baby… can you forgive me ? » he breathed out, his voice cracking with emotion. obviously you knew what he was referring to, how could you not know ? and just like him, the thousand words on your mind only transcribed in your arms wrapping around him, closing the last few millimeters that separated you as you frantically nodded your head yes. 

you did not think he had anything to be forgiven for, and sadly, you also knew that he would continue to blame himself no matter what your answer had been. that was actually your biggest motivation to begin your recovery journey. oikawa needed to know that, from now on, you’d turn to him instead of your old habits. and you wanted nothing more than to make him happy, so, since his happiness seemed to depend on yours, it could be considered a package deal towards a better future, together.

before you leave, here are links to two mental health support apps that i hope will help you deal what you are going through right now. i know it’s not much but i’ll be the happiest girl if this helped someone in the tiniest way. take care of yourselves ❤️

Calm Harm - Play Store | App Store

Wysa - Play Store | App Store

@toworuu @catwithangerissues

[heloflor]

Fun facts to notice about Cavendish and Dakota’s personalities

So most of this is probably stuff that a lot of people already noticed but I still wanted to compile it. And this list is way longer than I thought it would (did this post accidentally became a character analysis/deconstruction ? Maybe ?). One last thing : “fun” is a very loose term here.

- When he’s excited/very happy about something, Cavendish becomes touchy. For example, you have the last minute of “Time Out”, the scene with Professor Time near the end of the PnF crossover and the resolution of “Managing Murphy’s Law” (the episode where they discover the memory eraser machine). On the same vein as “Time Out”, there’s the beginning of “Abducting Murphy’s Law”.

He also seems to be touchy when he’s nervous, as we see in “Snow Way Out”, though he seems more to bite his nails or hold his hands a certain way when nervous. Also, Dakota never really reacts when Cavendish grabs him (which I find hilarious and adorable; it’s like it was a normal thing for him).

Finally, one could argue that he can get touchy when sad, given the last minute of “Snow Way Out” (Cavendish be like “Sir this is my emotional support husband” everytime he feels a strong emotion that isn’t anger/annoyance), but it only happens once, or Dakota is the one reaching out when Cavendish’s feeling down.

- On a related note to that first point; and though it goes without saying because everyone in the fandom already knows it : Cavendish and Dakota basically have no physical boundaries when it comes to each other. They constantly get into each other’s personal space without warning, with the other not being bothered in the slightest. Like their first physical contact is literally Dakota putting his hand over Cavendish’s (“Smooth Opera-tor”) and none of them seem to care about it, as if it was normal.

They also seem to be the characters who hug and get into each other’s arms the most and, if we were to put every character in pairs (and by pair I mean that for the main trio, it would be three pairs in total) and count how many physical contact every pair had, Dakota and Cavendish would either be the ones with the most contact or very close to the first (since they don’t show up in every episode but when they do appear, they touch at least once in almost every episode).

- Another thing that everybody already noticed but still : that whole gimmick with Dakota explaining something/a joke until he’s cut by Cavendish saying “I get it” (gimmick that they kind of lost in season 2).

- While Cavendish acts in a way that makes him seem very self-centered, every time he and Dakota find themselves in a dangerous situation, Cavendish’s thoughts are first and foremost on Dakota’s wellbeing. Examples : at the beginning of “The Island of Lost Dakotas”, when Cavendish sees the construction site thing fall, the first thing he says is “You [Dakota] could’ve been hurt !”; in “Fungus Among Us”, he calls out for Dakota when the latter tries to run away after eating the small pistachions; in the PnF crossover, he keeps saying “be careful” when Dakota tries to get a ‘time clock’ but most importantly he puts himself in front of Dakota when attacked by a Pistachion, with his facial expression clearly showing that he expects to die, and when Dakota scolds him for it, Cavendish defense shows that he would have no hesitation going back in time to protect Dakota. Finally, in “Disco Do-Over”, he shows concern when Dakota’s being beaten by the old lady; during this season he ghosts Dakota with the excuse of wishing to protect him; and in the last episode of season 2, right before the “I fall down” song, Milo comments on the team’s looks, which brings Cavendish to say “Prepared and Protected”. And as he says “protected”, Cavendish knocks on Dakota’s helmet, as if, when he says “protected”, he’s mostly thinking about Dakota being protected.

- Cavendish and Dakota act differently in public and in private. When in public, Cavendish has that ‘serious’ and ‘done with your shit’ attitude, almost acting all-mighty. But when in private, he’s shown to be much nicer but also drops the confident façade and shows his fears and insecurities. For example, his panic in “Snow Way Out”. As for him being nicer, there’s the fact that he calls Dakota a ‘meanie’ in the Halloween episode, which is an improvement over “We’re Going to the Zoo”. In general, it also feels like he sees Dakota as an equal, compared to how he treated him at the beginning of the show.

As for Dakota, he acts lazy and laid-back in public (to the point where he sometimes reminds me a bit of Sans. Seriously) but, in private, he’s grumpier and talks about what bothers him.

The best example for this dynamic is at the beginning of “Perchance to Sleepwalk”, with Dakota complaining about Block not believing them about the Pistachions and Cavendish actually trying to comfort Dakota.

You know, this difference of dynamic is actually pretty sweet. As I said, Cavendish has a tendency to act like some villain who bosses around his underdog, especially during the first episodes. But the way they act in private shows that their relationship is actually much healthier than that. Also, the way Cavendish expresses his insecurities and Dakota vents to him shows that there’s a lot of communication between them, which can explain how they were able to keep up such a strong relationship for so long. The two of them trust each other, care for each other and view each other as equals. Though, I have to admit, this difference in behavior also really fuel my headcanon that the two had been married for years but had to get used to hide their relationship due to travelling in the past (and the reason why they call each other by their last name is because Cavendish noticed that people used to do that in the 18th century with people who aren’t family, so he convinced Dakota that they should try doing that to hide their relationship better; because let’s be honest, if there’s something between them, they are really bad at keeping it a secret).

- A short one, but Cavendish softens as the first season progresses. At the beginning, he mostly has that ‘all-mighty know-it-all’ attitude and acts like Dakota was his underdog, though there were some signs that Dakota wasn’t letting himself being walked over, the best example being “Murphy’s Lard”.

Then, after “Time Out”, Cavendish starts being nicer, showing more appreciation for Dakota and even showing some amusement about the bet in “We’re Going to the Zoo”. Finally, after “Missing Milo”, Cavendish completely softens up and becomes the character we’re used to see.

- Dakota seems to act laid-back as a counter point to Cavendish’s irritation. When you think about it, the times when Dakota is the most laid back are the times when Cavendish is the most irritated. The best example for this has to be “Abducting Murphy’s Law”. At the beginning of the episode, Cavendish goes on a rant about their job and you can see Dakota, who was frustrated two seconds ago, close his eyes for a few seconds. And when he reopens them, he starts talking about eating lunch. Then, when Cavendish calls him out on his attitude, Dakota becomes serious again to give Cavendish a reality check, only to then ask Cavendish if he wants food. In a way, it feels like Dakota uses his laid-back personality as a way to soothe Cavendish, to try to make his less tense.

- Cavendish seems to have a pretty low self-esteem. This is something that I’m pretty sure everyone has already picked on, but I still feel the need to mention it for one reason. First off, for those who haven’t noticed, basically Cavendish is borderline obsessed with saving the world and being someone important, and the fact that Dakota seems to be a better time-traveler than him probably doesn’t help (“Time Out”). This would also explain his need to give Dakota orders while on mission.

But one thing I want to mention about Cavendish’s desperation to be important is the PnF crossover. Indeed, in this episode, there’s a moment when Cavendish is ready to get himself killed to save Dakota (as mentioned earlier). But thing is, Cavendish’s facial expression bothers me in this scene. He looks resigned, as if knowing that he’s going to die, but at the same time, I feel like his action is some kind of cry for help or cry for attention.

But why would he suddenly feel this way ? Simple : the island of lost Dakotas. As I said, Dakota is a better time agent than Cavendish, which is something Cavendish seemed to have learned to accept, probably helped by Dakota letting him be the boss. But when he discovered the island, Cavendish also discovered just how much of a better person Dakota was. And yes, Cavendish was genuinely touched by what Dakota did, it clearly made him happy. But at the same time, it could’ve created some strong insecurities. After all, he just discovered that Dakota was willing to sacrifice his life hundred of times for him, while all he did was being an ass while on the job. So with that in mind, it’s possible that Cavendish wanted to prove himself to be a protector too and prove it to/repay Dakota, using the first opportunity he could to try showing that; being willing to give his life to show he can be great as well.

But hey, all this is just speculation from someone who almost only writes angst so what do I know.

- Dakota’s a mess during the second half of season 2, but it’s pretty justified given the circumstances. First off, when I say that he’s a mess, I mean that for a guy who’s always chill and in a funny mood, he has no patience whatsoever when interacting with Heinz (though you could argue that he already found Heinz annoying; and there might still be some disappointment regarding the whole ‘Professor Time’ situation). There’s also the episode “Escape” in which Dakota keeps switching between being sad to angry to hopeful (the hope in his eyes when Heinz starts the clone machine…) to miserable/hopeless. We also see him get up quickly, accidentally knocking Cavenpuss in the process and not giving a single shit about it. But yeah, someone please give this poor man his husband back (and I could say “someone please give him a hug” but he does get one in the next episode so…).

I swear you could make a drinking game out of all the times Cavendish’s name is said in this episode alone.

As for the justification of him being a mess, reminder that Cavendish has a track record of dying and Dakota not only has no idea where the guy is but he can’t go back in time as well, meaning that, if Cavendish dies, it will be permanent.

- In “Picture Day”, there’s that scene with Cavendish and Dakota ‘cuddling’ for warmth after arriving in the wrong place. During this small moment, Dakota has a face as if he was chattering his teeth but his teeth doesn’t actually move, giving him a borderline panicked expression. Two interpretations here : 1. It’s an animation error. 2. It’s probably the first time the two are in a dangerous place since their lost their job. In other words, this might be the first time Cavendish could potentially die since they lost the ability to time travel. So what if Dakota’s expression is from realizing just how mortal Cavendish now is, and how powerless he is to stop death ?

- Dakota doesn’t seem to follow a dream or want much from his life. As said before, most of the time, Dakota is pretty laid-back and lazy. The only time he mentions a life goal is in “Time Out” with the Mississippi purchase. But overall, Dakota just acts like he was satisfied with his life, despite not liking his job in season 2 and despite the small ‘apartment’, and seems like he just wants to have fun and be with Cavendish. Heck, in “School Dance”, he admits that he has no idea what the plan is, he’s just following Cavendish around. On that note, he also seems lazy regarding his job as a time agent because he knows that what he does doesn’t really matters when you can just go back in time and fix it (the Sans vibes are coming back !). So yeah, Dakota feels like a guy who accomplished what he wanted to do with his life and is now just want to enjoy his time and be with his husband Cavendish.

- Finally, I know everyone already noticed this, but Dakota has that tendency to just stare at Cavendish with a smile or a smirk while Cavendish is ranting. I’m just mentioning it because it’s adorable.

[echo-of-sounds]

adhd pt.2

How Fatgum, Gang Orca, and Midnight would help and support their s/o who has ADHD. Midnight’s are a little shorter than the others. I had a hard time thinking of more headcanons for her.

Warnings: nothing incredibly explicit, but a couple of these talk about sex

Toyomitsu Taishiro

Tai is a friendly guy. He talks to everyone when you're out and about. Sometimes it's fine. Sometimes it's a lot to handle. He wants you to immediately tell him when you’re starting to feel overstimulated or anxious. Before it gets too bad, he’ll carry you to a safe space. And it doesn’t matter where you are, his sweatshirts are yours. Weight can be very grounding and with his size, they’re very heavy. He’ll hold you close and talk you through the emotions.

Any time you lash out, he might try to ease the tension by making a joke. If you’ve ever been angry, you know jokes just make it worse. He’ll give you time to gather yourself when he realizes you’re actually angry. He won’t snap back. Fighting isn’t what he wants to do. Take some time to cool down. You’ll find him waiting for you with a smile. It’s hard to get him angry and it doesn't hurt his feelings when you lash out, but you should still apologize. He would appreciate it.

Feelings overwhelmed can erupt suddenly. When you sit down at your desk and there are five notebooks, scattered pens and pencils, loose papers, and just useless junk everywhere, you feel completely engulfed under them. It’s almost like you can’t breathe. You don’t know where to start or what to do. Tai will set some time aside to help you sort through your stuff. He may not know exactly where everything goes, but he really wants to help. He hates the look on your face when you’re overwhelmed and he’ll do anything to make it go away.

Lack of restraint and risk-taking behaviors are the most concerning to him. Sure, impulsively buying a dumb stuffed animal is one thing. But buying a new gaming system and four video games is another. The costs add up quickly. Or maybe you take another shot at the bar because screw it, you only live once. Then you do that over and over. ‘Just another shot’ turns into ten more. Your safety is always his number one priority and he worries himself sick thinking you’re going to damage your finances, career, or worse, yourself.

If you didn’t catch what he said, he has no problem repeating himself. Though he worries you aren’t paying attention while you’re in public or when something important is happening. He doesn’t want you mindlessly agreeing to something that you don’t actually want to do or potentially getting hurt. Like how you fling your arms out when you’re talking and hit someone or a wall. To ease his anxiety about you, he’ll hold your hand a lot and offer to give you piggyback rides.

He has a little trouble focusing on smaller tasks as well. He would much rather be doing fun activities out in the world. So he understands your trouble. He also understands how you forget to vacuum even though you promised you would. He isn’t annoyed. He’ll remind you when you’re home to do it. 

Since Tai is such a big guy he taught himself to be gentle early on in his life, particularly when it comes to sex, therefore he isn’t worried if you have sexual hypersensitivities. He's also great at communication and loves talking. He’ll ask what positions you can’t do and where you don’t like to be touched to ensure your comfort is at its max. During sex, if your attention starts drifting, he’ll let you take over to help keep you focused.

Gang Orca

Kugo’s a clean, organized man. To him, it’s helpful knowing that everything has its place. If you leave bowls and books around or are an overall cluttered person, he’ll pick up after you. Eventually, when your clutter gets to be too much, he’ll create a routine and a to-do list. Before bed, look at the list and look around the room if there are any pillows to put back on the couch or papers to straighten out.

Having physical sensitives is something Kugo can understand. While it’s not to the point he’s overstimulated like people with ADHD have, his skin is still quite sensitive- more than your ‘average’ human skin because of his mutant-type quirk. Whatever you need for self-soothing, he can bring to you when you’re starting to feel overstimulated. Your favorite heavy quilt will be wrapped around your shoulders and he’ll light some vanilla candles.

He’s utterly unbothered by tapping, fidgeting, or restlessness. However, he’s deeply concerned when he notices blood on your lip or fingers. It’s mindless. You don’t hurt yourself on purpose. No matter how many times you explain, it won’t quell his worries. He just really hates seeing you bleed. Out in public, he’ll hold your hand to stop your picking. At home, he keeps a close eye on you and points out your unhealthy habit so you can find a fidget toy or a pen to click. He hopes if he does it enough times it’ll become a subconscious reaction for you to grab a toy to play with instead of your body.

High mood swings and anger are easy for him to take. Your quick snaps go in one ear and out the other- mainly because he knows it's not about him. While he understands the frustration comes at the flip of a switch, he strongly urges you to find ways to deal with your emotions in a healthy way. He’s willing to listen if you want to talk it out. He’s willing to go to the gym if you need to exercise it out. And (if you’re at that point in the relationship), he’s willing to have sex if you need to fuck it out. 

Kugo loves listening to your interests. He supports any and all of your studies. Are you currently into a new TV series? He’ll buy you posters and action figures for surprises on your bad days. Or is the Viking culture suddenly fascinating and you need to learn everything about it? He scoops up some obscure book from that bookstore he passes every day. Even though his presents might not be exactly what you’re looking for, his excitement and passion to support you is really cute.

Focusing on smaller tasks is incredibly difficult. You strain yourself then get frustrated then give up. Seriously, that one piece of paperwork should take ten minutes tops to complete. But it ends up taking over two hours because you just can’t sit and do it. Whenever he notices you fussing at the table, he’ll sit down with you so you can go through the paperwork together. Having someone next to you is helpful. They keep you on track and guide the way through the long passages of words and seemingly confusing questions.

He's uneasy when it comes to any sexual sensitivities. It takes him a while to be ready for sex in general, but if you’re hypersensitive, it’ll take him a hell of a lot longer. He’s so scared of hurting you, especially since his fingers are more like claws and his teeth are sharp. He tries his damnedest to be gentle because he’s always scared that he’ll overstimulate you to the point you’re crying. Your sexual relationship will start with oral and fingering, plateauing at that for a while until he convinces himself he won’t hurt you.

Kayama Nemuri

Thoughts that bubble up and instantly spout from your mouth are common. Half the time you don’t even realize you spoke. Nemuri will be a little miffed if you keep interrupting her. She doesn’t want to forget her train of thought. She knows you have difficulty controlling it but she would appreciate it if you let her finish her sentence so she can fully listen to and understand yours.

Fidgeting and squirming don’t annoy her. She’s a Hero and a teacher. She’s become desensitized to all sorts of restlessness. Though she is in the same boat as Aizawa in that, if you’re a clicker or tapper, she’ll ask if you could find something else to fidget with. But she won’t snap at you as he may. She has a serious soft spot for her partner and rarely raises her voice.

However, those times when your anger gets sparked because your lotion bottle broke or you thought you had more of your favorite chips and you lash out when she asks what’s wrong, she’ll get defensive from time to time and might snap back. It depends on how long her day was and how tired/stressed she is. Most of the time she can reel herself back, realizing you’re not angry at her. But if she had a hard day, her retort comes quickly and sharply. It’s enough to make you pause, recognizing how you reacted to her simple question. When you apologize, she will too, wanting to make up as soon as possible.

Her quirk is quite convenient for overstimulation. If you give your consent, she can emit a tiny amount of her aroma to relax you. If you need serious instant relief, she can put you to sleep. But she won’t rely on her quirk every single time. She doesn’t like completely knocking you out. Any self-soothing techniques you use, she’ll read about and work out ways she can provide you with what you need.

Nemuri will have to change her outlook on sex a little bit. She’s very dominant, loves being the active partner, and dips (more than a little) into sadism. But she’s experienced. She’s aware her kinks aren’t always liked. Before you’re ever intimate, she’ll sit down with you to set clear and defined boundaries about what you can take. If pain is something you can’t handle or just don’t want, she’s fine without it. Her love for you is more important than her kinks. 

[eleanorfenyxwrites]

You Are Of Their Ilk - Sequel to 'You Need Tending'

[1]

Part 2

[Masterpost]

--

The rest of the morning that’s spent in Lotus Pier is, thankfully, undisturbed. A servant brings Wangji and Xichen their neatly packed belongings, which Lan Qiren tucks into his already-packed qiankun pouch next to Wei Ying’s old clothes and the letters that are the boy’s only birthright; the healers go about their business around them as they eat breakfast in silence; and when everything’s finished and they officially have no business left in Yunmeng, Lan Qiren gathers up the children to leave.

They do so with no fanfare, but as they pass through the main courtyard to the doors just as the Jiang sect is beginning to stir for the day, Lan Qiren spots a small, curious face peeking at them from behind the safety of a nearby building. He pauses just long enough for the young Jiang heir to realize he’s been spotted and hurry to hide again before he turns his attention back to the task at hand.

When they reach the city, it’s still relatively quiet. People are beginning to open their shops for the day and fishermen down on the docks are calling to each other, bringing in the first catch of the day, but other than that there’s not too much bustle. He glances back at Wangji to gauge how he’s doing with that level of noise - they’re still trying to feel out how much is too much for him to handle in the hopes of avoiding any further incidents where he goes running off to protect himself - and he’s startled to see that Wei Ying has plastered himself to Wangji’s side to hold his hand and talk and giggle at him from behind the shield of his free hand. Lan Qiren turns a questioning look on Xichen but finds that his older nephew is watching the pair with a little smile, something akin to joy lighting up his features. It’s been a very long time - too long - since he’s seen his nephew smile like that.

Lan Qiren shakes his head a bit but decides not to comment, rather he focuses on getting the children safely to the docks and onto the boat that will take them up the river towards Caiyi. Wei Ying spends the first few li of their journey darting up and down the boat exclaiming over this and that - there isn’t a thing he sees that doesn’t meet his eager approval, something which his three companions..aren’t quite sure how to handle. Even the boatman at the rudder can’t seem to do more than chuckle quietly at the boy’s antics as he leans over the edge of the boat to watch the oar cut through the water or track the glimmer of scales under the water as fish dart around them.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Qiren cautions sharply when the boy leans so far out of the boat Lan Qiren’s heart threatens to jump up into his throat. The last thing he wants is to have to fish the boy out of the water, especially since he doesn’t know if he can swim or not. And though he means the simple caution to be just that, a reminder to be careful, Wei Ying suddenly jerks back from the water and sits down so quickly there’s a thunk as his rump meets the wood, eyes wide and guilty in the second their gazes meet before he drops his eyes to his hands in his lap. Lan Qiren clears his throat a little and tries not to feel guilty as Wei Ying folds in on himself instantly, becoming so self-contained he almost looks like a different child. “It is not safe to lean so far out of the boat, you could fall. You must be more careful.”

“Yes, Master Lan,” he replies dutifully, earnestly, and Lan Qiren’s heart - surprisingly active today - breaks a little for the naked emotions in the boy’s voice. He sounds far guiltier than the situation demands as well as eager to agree with what he’s being told, eager to obey, and while Lan Qiren thoroughly appreciates obedience and carefully cultivates it in his nephews, his stomach turns a little as he thinks about just how and why Wei Ying, as a half-feral street child, has learned to behave similarly. He thinks about Wei Ying doing whatever he’s told by adults in exchange for a few scraps of food, or to protect himself from being hit, or to avoid being chased down by dogs, or any number of other unsavory reactions people may have had to a young boy who is simply the same sort of carefree and high-spirited person his mother had once been.

And he thinks about how if the circumstances were only slightly different he may have one day become one of the adults in the boy’s life demanding this crushing obedience of him.

“A-Ying,” Xichen calls, his voice kind where Lan Qiren’s had been cutting, and Wei Ying glances up at him through his lashes. “Would you like to come sit with A-Zhan?” The change is instantaneous - Wei Ying’s entire face lights up in a smile (though it is still perhaps a bit dimmer than the grin he’d just worn as he had been jumping around) and he stands immediately to walk carefully back down the length of the boat where he can settle into the space next to Wangji.

The rest of the day’s trip on the river is thankfully relatively uneventful, which Lan Qiren is inclined to privately thank Wangji’s unnaturally quick reflexes for. Wei Ying doesn’t run up and down the length of the boat again, but he does eventually open up enough to return to eagerly watching the fish, and though he doesn’t always remember not to lean too far out of the boat Wangji is always quick to grab the back of his shirt when he leans too far, his little face concerned and serious each time he keeps Wei Ying upright. Lan Qiren actually begins to wonder if asking Wangji to keep an eye on the other boy is perhaps too much to ask of a seven year old, but he’s pretty sure the tantrum Wangji would throw if told to part from Wei Ying would be..quite a sight, and he’ll admit that he doesn’t want to deal with that. Wangji’s biting phase has only just ended, after all, and he’s not exactly keen on giving him a reason to pick the habit up again.

They eat their afternoon meal on the water and Lan Qiren keeps a careful eye on Wei Ying. He knows that they’ll have to do something about his table manners sooner rather than later, particularly before he’ll be expected to eat with the rest of the students his age, but for now he’s just pleased to see him eating his fill.

They stop for the night in a small town from which they’ll continue on foot in the morning. They’re close enough to Cloud Recesses now that the journey won’t take too long, and Lan Qiren would like to use the bit of extra time they’ll spend on the road to begin teaching Wei Ying the things he’ll need to know to begin living in their home.

Barring the unintentional discipline incident, Lan Qiren has seen little of the behavioral differences Healer Xingfu had warned him to watch for. That all changes almost as soon as they step foot on the docks of the town they’re stopping in.

It’s not so different from the docks in Yunmeng at first glance, but it’s still somewhere new, and while Xichen and Wangji are accustomed to traveling by now - and have in fact seen this town once or twice whether or not they remember it - and are therefore fine in new places as long as they’re not left alone too long, it’s immediately clear that Wei Ying doesn’t have the same ability to be at ease somewhere he doesn’t know like the back of his hand like he does Yunmeng.

It’s equally clear, however, that he’s not used to being soothed when he’s afraid.

That he is afraid isn’t even a question - he keeps his hands tucked under his arms and his shoulders hunched as he walks at Wangji’s side, darting furtive glances around at every person who passes them by. But though he seems perfectly eager to hold Wangji’s hand whenever necessary to offer him his support and comfort, he makes no move to reach out and receive the same treatment in return. It’s not until Lan Qiren himself steps forward to rest a hand on the back of his head that Wei Ying relaxes enough to stand up straight and tip his head back to look up at him with those wide, shockingly silver eyes of his.

“We will not linger here long,” Lan Qiren informs him steadily. “We are resting here through the night so we may continue our travel in the morning. You do not need to be afraid.”

Wei Ying nods and faces forward again, and after a long moment Lan Qiren feels his tiny hand curl into a fist in the skirt of his outer robe, keeping him at the boy’s side. A minor victory, but the situation on the whole only worsens when they reach the inn. They’re met almost immediately by the innkeeper - the town is small enough that three Lan cultivators passing through creates something of a stir so the man is already waiting for them as they approach - and Wei Ying bodily flinches back from the man’s attention when it turns to him. Lan Qiren says nothing, mostly because he’s suddenly realizing he may be out of his depth with this after all, and just gathers Wei Ying closer to his side so the boy can bury his face in the side of his thigh. He spends roughly three seconds trying to figure out how he’s going to walk like that before he relents and bends down to just scoop Wei Ying up into his arms again like he had the previous night on the way back to Lotus Pier. Wei Ying promptly burrows in and clings, trembling like the most delicate of flower blossoms in a spring storm.

Lan Qiren doesn’t know exactly what happened to make him so afraid of being spoken to by an innkeeper, but he doesn’t have to. He can make enough inferences and assumptions from what little he knows of Wei Ying’s life to piece together a few possibilities, and none of them are reassuring. He instructs the innkeeper that they’ll be taking their evening meal in their room rather than in the main dining area, and if Wangji and Xichen are confused by the change in their usual pattern of eating amongst others when they travel, then they’re tactful enough not to mention it in public.

The three of them troop upstairs - with Wei Ying still hiding in Lan Qiren’s shoulder - and retire to a room outfitted simply and economically with a pair of beds, a table, and little else. Lan Qiren sits on the edge of one of the beds to try to coax Wei Ying out, but in the end it takes Wangji stepping forward to reach out and curl his fingers around Wei Ying’s tightly-clenched fist to get him to let go, and even then it’s still the work of a few more minutes of quiet encouragements from both Lan Qiren and Xichen paired with Wangji’s steady presence to get Wei Ying calmed down enough to stand on his own two feet.

Another small victory, for which Lan Qiren is grateful.

After their dinner is finished and extra blankets and pillows have been brought, Lan Qiren decides he’s going to have to stop trying to count the victories where socializing Wei Ying is concerned, or at least stop letting his guard down after each one.

As Xichen and Wangji remove their ribbons with their usual care and begin coming their hair for bed, he watches Wei Ying look around the space and promptly snag the pillow nearest him and dart over to lie down on the floor in the corner of the room diagonally opposite from the door.

“Wei Ying,” he calls, this time careful to keep his voice perfectly neutral to hopefully avoid making the boy feel that he’s being chastised. “What are you doing?”

“Xichen-gege said it’s time for sleep,” he replies, sounding nonplussed. “Oh...Right,” he adds guiltily, taking the pillow out from under his head and going up on his knees to place it back on the bed he’d snatched it from - and then he returns to his corner with nothing but a pout that he seems to be trying to hide.

“A-Ying, you’re sharing one of the beds with A-Zhan,” Xichen says gently. “You do not have to sleep on the floor.”

Lan Qiren takes a slow, silent deep breath in to help him attempt to tamp down the confusing whirl of emotions in his chest. Wei Ying looks shocked to be told such a thing, as if the idea that he would be expected - allowed - to sleep in a bed is so unbelievable that he hadn’t even considered it as a possibility, let alone the reality. Add to that the fact that rather than asking he had immediately assigned himself to the floor, and had resigned himself to doing it without pillow or blanket to soften the hardwood, and Lan Qiren is not alright.

He’s not alright.

He has to tuck it away for the children’s sake and he will, of course he will - but the weight of the last few years suddenly seems so heavy on his shoulders, and somehow it’s seeing Wei Ying attempting to navigate a world that has been nothing but cruel to him that has suddenly made him realize just how tired he is.

He watches Wangji - who has been utterly silent and solemn ever since the day he was informed he would no longer be able to visit his mother; who doesn’t yet understand death but understands that people he trusts can leave him forever - walk over and take gentle hold of Wei Ying’s arm to usher him over to the bed further from the door. And he watches Xichen, as kindly and gently as ever, pile their bed with all the extra blankets and pillows that had been brought in for them and watch attentively until Wei Ying sinks into the soft pile of it like he can hardly believe what he’s feeling.

And if, after the candles are blown out and the night is quiet, a few tears slide down his temples just before he follows the children into sleep, at least none of the boys are awake to see him.

----

When Lan Qiren wakes the following morning in the deep blue of pre-dawn, he glances over at the bed on the other side of the room only to frown in confusion. Something about it doesn’t look quite right, but it takes a moment for his waking mind to catch up to what it is. There’s only one figure in the bed, and it’s Wangji.

He has a few breathless moments to hope that he’ll be able to find Wei Ying before either of the other boys wake up, but they’re just as good about their sleep schedules as he could ever hope for and within moments Wangji is sitting up to scrub at his eyes while Xichen is doing the same beside him. Lan Qiren watches as Wangji pauses and then glances down at Wei Ying’s empty spot beside him and he’s already standing by the time Wangji begins frantically pawing through the blankets as if he’ll find Wei Ying hiding in the pile of them.

As Lan Qiren begins lighting the candles around the room again to aid in their search, he decides that when they get back to Cloud Recesses none of them are leaving it again for a long, long time. He’s had quite enough of losing children in unfamiliar places for a while, and Wei Ying will need time to acclimate to life on the mountain anyway. There’s nothing that Xichen needs to know about running the sect and diplomacy with the other sect leaders that he can’t learn just as well from books and careful study of discussion conferences that are held in their home. There’s no need to keep trotting him around to the various cities, and certainly no need for Wangji and Wei Ying to come along. No more misplacing children, he’s had enough.

“Xichen, keep Wangji here, I will go look for Wei Ying and return soon,” he instructs as he puts on his outer robes more quickly than he thinks he ever has before. He’s out the door immediately after, heading downstairs to search for an innkeeper or a servant or anyone who could possibly be of help. The place is absolutely silent and still at this time of morning and he sighs, the only outward sign of frustration that he’s willing to allow in public even if he is utterly alone. He looks quickly around the public space of the inn but finds neither head nor tail of Wei Ying and so he steps outside next into the back courtyard containing the stables. A quick scan of the stables themselves as well as all the possible hiding spaces around the exterior of the building yield him nothing, and a more thorough check reveals the same - nothing.

The world comes awake around him as he searches, the dawn filling the sky with streaks of pink and gold and a lovely powdery blue. Mist drifts up from the dew-jeweled grass, and birds begin twittering in the trees. It’s a beautiful morning, the sort that always sets his heart and mind at ease, but Lan Qiren has never felt less capable of appreciating it than he does now. He’s only glad of the golden light of the sun in that it will help him find Wei Ying in case he’s trying to hide in one of the deep shadows that are quickly lightening into shades of blue-gray rather than deep black where it would be far too easy for a small child to hide.

He’s aware of each minute that passes as he searches and it’s doubly stressful in that he needs to find Wei Ying but he can’t abandon Wangji and Xichen to their own devices for too long, not in a strange town in an inn full of people they don’t know. It’s the thought of either of them venturing downstairs and finding further trouble that spurs him to return to the inn, his eyes seeking out every little flash of movement he sees in the hopes that it’s Wei Ying as he goes.

He makes it all the way back to their room without even a hint of success, but when he opens the door all the fight goes out of him. In the new sunlight streaming through the windows at the back of the room he can see, clearly silhouetted, a huddled form under the bed on which Wangji and Xichen are stiffly perched in a poor imitation of meditation.

“Xichen, Wangji,” he says and the boys give up on their pretense instantly to hurry to their feet and join him, their nearly identical gazes frightened as they look up at him. “He is under the bed you shared with him, Wangji,” Lan Qiren says with a gesture that Wangji immediately follows, eyes wide as he turns. “Go check on him to make sure he is unharmed.”

Lan Qiren lifts his arm to wrap it around Xichen’s shoulders when the boy tentatively wraps his arms around his waist and he holds him steady as Wangji approaches the bed to kneel down (Lan Qiren tries and fails not to let it remind him of how many times he’s caught the boy kneeling outside the empty Jingshi) and then bend further to reach one small arm beneath the bed and poke at Wei Ying’s huddled form.

There’s a bit of sleepy mumbling and then a quick rustle followed by a thud that makes even Lan Qiren wince slightly.

“Oh dear,” Xichen tuts in quiet sympathy.

“Ow,” Wei Ying whines from the shadowed hollow under the bed and Wangji leans further in to keep reaching for him. “A-Zhan? Are you okay? What’s wrong? You look scared again! Did you have nightmares last night too?”

Lan Qiren can’t quite resist raising his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose in a rare show of emotion, his eyes shut as Wei Ying keeps tossing yes or no questions at Wangji to try to figure out what’s going on. Xichen finally takes pity on them both and steps away from Lan Qiren’s side to join Wangji in coaxing Wei Ying out from under the bed and informing him - very kindly - that they were worried for him and that that’s why Wangji looks so scared.

And Wei Ying laughs. Lan Qiren opens his eyes again to find that his nephews have finally succeeded in getting Wei Ying out into the open, where he stands hunched in on himself and laughing, but it only takes one glance at his face to see that he doesn’t think it’s funny. He’s nervous, and Lan Qiren realizes abruptly that he must have inherited his mother’s tendency to laugh at anything and everything, whether it was appropriate for the situation or not.

Thankfully the laughter is cut off abruptly by Wangji locking his arms around Wei Ying’s bony frame in a vice grip, clearly relieved to have found him again, and once again Lan Qiren is viscerally reminded that at just seven years old both of these boys know far too much about what it means to be left behind. Forever.

The vague notions he had been entertaining of having Wei Ying taken care of by another family upon reaching Cloud Recesses are immediately set quietly aside to make room for his new acceptance that he will be raising three children, none of whom are his own but all of whom he’s prepared to love as if they were. Of course he’s had much longer with his nephews and so he already has plenty of practice in this, but it’s not difficult at all to imagine folding Wei Ying into their strange unit as well.

The elders are going to have a field day.

[z00r0p4]

Do you have any episode ideas where they could bring up Eugene possibly being on the spectrum?

I’d go with same general idea I had for Cate’s story. But it doesn’t have to be Cate, per se.

Besides, I’m getting the jist that Eugene and Katrina will foster or adopt another child besides Buck. That’s what they’ve hinted at. So, while it pains me to leave Cate out of the equation, here’s the concept:

Eugene and Katrina look into fostering/adopting another child and eventually find a candidate. The kid is probably much younger than Buck. Maybe 5 or 6. Social services (or whatever) had warned that it was a tough case, but Eugene and Katrina (Katrina especially) felt compelled/called to help this kid in particular.

So they bring the kid home, and things go surprisingly well for a little while. The kid’s got some quirks, of course, but nothing Eugene and Katrina don’t know how to handle. They’re especially tickled at how precocious the child is in the language department (who does that remind you of?). Ofc, it’s not entirely smooth sailing from the get-go, either, as it’s clear that this kid has a lot of trust and abandonment issues going on. And while the kid is clearly very intelligent, there are a host of developmental delays elsewhere. More or less, however, that was to be expected. E & K had done research into it well before they agreed to take on fostering the kid.

So then the kid inevitably has some sort of meltdown. I’m not saying it has to be on the same level as the classical, extremely clichéd “autistic meltdown”, but it’s definitely a meltdown of sorts. Maybe it’s the way something feels, or they become overstimulated in a certain environment and completely shut down. Either way, it’s kind of a big deal— at least, it is for Katrina. Eugene is... oddly unfazed by the whole ordeal, and basically reassures Katrina by saying this was what they signed up for. And he’s not wrong, of course. There’s no doubt about that in Katrina’s mind, but the situation left her searching for some sort of answer.

So, naturally, she goes back to her research. She was well aware of the typical abandonment and attachment disorders often found in children growing up in foster care or neglectful households, etc, but this... felt different. After having the kid stay with them for however many months at that point, there were a variety of things that simply could not be chalked up to an abandonment or attachment disorder. Some of those things would probably include a seemingly ever-increasing amount of physical sensory issues/overstimulation, repetitive self-soothing behaviors (and repetitive behavior in general), and a need for rigid routine (signaling some mental inflexibility).

Katrina’s a teacher at this point (right?), so she’s no dummy. She knows what autism is; she’s probably had autistic students in some of her classes, but even so, so she doesn’t begin to connect the dots until she stumbles across something comparing some of the symptoms of reactive attachment disorder to common traits of autism. So she diverts some of her research into that area, and starts to observe the kid according to those diagnostics. Things start to make sense then.

But something else also becomes apparent.

As she’s making all of these observations and mental notes, she’s referring to Eugene, naturally. “Doesn’t that seem a little odd?” She says to him, after pointing out one of the kid’s repetitive motions or behaviors. He chuckles and responds, in essence: “Don’t be coy, Katrina. Have you not seen me do that before?”

And she realizes that, yes, she has. But it was always written off as one of his many idiosyncrasies.

So she goes back to observing the kid, but she can’t help but notice all of these strange parallels. Eugene’s mannerisms, things he says and does; things he professes to hate, bear a lot of resemblance to the kid’s behaviors and preferences.

One day, she goes on a research rabbit trail about Autism and its relationship to savantism. And she is absolutely shocked at what she finds. Eugene is practically the poster boy for autistic savantism. It’s clear as the light of day; how had she never noticed this before? Furthermore, how had he never noticed this about himself? And what about his foster parents? Teachers? Doctors?

All the while, Katrina is becoming convinced that there’s a good basis for getting the kid tested, so she goes ahead and schedules an appointment. She wants to talk to Eugene about him potentially getting tested as well, but she’s unsure of how to bring it up— especially because, at that point, Eugene is completely unaware that there may be more to himself than meets the eye. He sees the basis for getting the kid tested; there’s evidence to suggest it. But him? He didn’t have meltdowns.

...or didn’t he?

Y’all remember when Eugene experimented on himself and ended up with a serious case of amnesia because the funding for his project was cut? He had to have been absolutely incensed in order to do something like that. Incensed enough to do something that batshit insane.

Yeah. That’s a meltdown, babes.

We didn’t actually get the privilege of hearing what happened the night he experimented on himself, since our knowledge of it comes from secondary sources, but we can imagine how he must’ve felt when we later hear him begging Mr. Whittaker to use everything in his arsenal to try and get his memory back. Katrina literally had to corral him back before he devolved into a nervous wreck. You can argue that he was just emotionally compromised from trying to navigate a life he couldn’t remember, but his response is, in my opinion, directly related to what drove him to act so carelessly in the first place. It’s in his nature to react so strongly to something like that.

Of course, Eugene doesn’t recognize that. And how could he? That is and always has been his reality. He assumes it must be similar for everyone else. And since his meltdowns, or “moments,” as I’d like to call them, don’t involve kicking and screaming or completely shutting down, he doesn’t think there’s any reason to suspect that he may be autistic, but Katrina is only more and more convinced as time goes on.

So from here I’ve got two ideas; Katrina schedules an appointment for him right around same time that their kid gets tested, so they show up to the office, and the psychiatrist (?) calls up a very confused Eugene. Or , the psychiatrist they’re seeing for the kid straight up reccommends he get tested. I could probably go into more detail about that, but this is already literally SOOO long so I won’t be subjecting y’all to any more.

[iris-westallen1]

The Happiest Day Of Our Life

‘’Well today was the worst day ever’’ iris said as she dove right on the couch. Barry just sat there staring at his beautiful wife so mesmerized he didn’t even realize she was talking to him but he couldn’t help it he was married to the most gorgeous woman on the planet he still doesn’t know how he got this lucky to have her in his life… ‘’ BARRY!!’’ he was immediately withdrawn from his thought blushing and rubbing his neck a habit he had formed since he was little.    ‘’ are you even listening to me’’ iris said with a slightly annoyed face mixed with concern.

‘’ sorry honey but it’s your fault I wasn’t paying attention’’ Barry cheekily replied.

‘Look at him looking so smug with that cocky smile ugh I could just slap him and fuck him at the same time, gosh why is he so hot making my ovaries explode’’ iris thought to herself.

‘’ you know honey cocky is not a good look on you’’ said a smiling iris

‘’oh, you love it and me’’

‘’ well, I supposed that is true’’ iris slaps his knee as she get’s up from where she was laying on the couch to come snuggle into Barry’s side ‘’ hmmm I missed you today’’ iris said as she coos into Barry

‘’ babe I am sorry your day didn’t go as you wanted it to.’’ Barry strokes her arm and side ‘’ do you want to tell me what was going on’’

‘’ I know it might sound petty or whatever but its team citizen if I can even call it that Kamilla’s gone and Allegra she’s never there she’s always at star labs and I get that she ha powers and whatever but I would like her to take her job more seriously and not for her personal gain, I feel bad for what happened to her cousin I seriously geniounly do but the only time you hear her talk about the citizen is if she needs something from us and its making me seriously regret promoting her.’’ Iris took a deep breath she knows how this might sound and it might just be her hormones but she is seriously tired of Allegra’s behavior.

Barry saw how distressed his wife was about this so he decided not to say anything until she has gotten it all out her chest.

After taking a deep breath iris continued ‘’ so today I was in the office getting ready to go investigate karma, Kramer whatever the fuck her name is and I find myself missing and employee so I called her just to learn she is hanging around frost and Caitlin for what reason I do not know I’m her mentor not them I’m not paying her to hang out with them and I was just like you know what its fine so I just left her and went about my way to go investigate Kramer in doing that surprise surprise my dad is investigating her with Cecil when I was the one who brought this case to him and he brushed me off like it was nothing. And that’s another thing I am so fed up with my dad.’’ At this point iris is bawling her eyes and all Barry wants to do it take that pain away from her.

‘’ my dad hasn’t been acting like my dad for a while now and it took me getting stuck in a mirror to realize it. You know he never once asked me how I was doing when I came out of the mirror, he just brushed it aside like I wasn’t gone for 3 months he could at least show some emotions.’’ Her voice was cracking at this point ‘’ h- ho- how I- is it * sniff sniff* that his more of a father to you than he is to meeeeeeee’’ her chest and shoulder moving frantically.

Barry finally goes in soothing her ‘’ I am so so sorry you feel this way, how long have you been holding this in and I didn’t even notice, I am so sorry baby, just let it all out’’ Barry said as he rubs his hands in soothing circles on her back ‘’ just let it out I’m here’’

When she is calm enough she continues ‘’ I just feel so neglected as a daughter by him and Cecil Cecil doesn’t even try to bond with me, she’s been with my dad for so long and I don’t even know anything about her and when we do talk she always uses her powers to invade my privacy and when she does that she can’t even be subtle about it she always has to my extra and do to much’’ by this time iris is finished crying now what she feels is rage towards these people. ‘’ she is literally everywhere when there was still  a team citizen was still a thing she became our ‘lawyer’ and no one even asked her to no offence to her but she suck as a lawyer’’ Barry starts laughing and nodding his head because it the truth. ‘’ I’m serious hahaha but it’s funny though but seriously I don’t even know why we hired her as your lawyer for your trial she couldn’t even win it she had to use ralph pretend to be devoe for her to win and I thought she was the best Caitlin and frost are dumb to hire her as a lawyer she couldn’t even win their case and if she cant win any of our case what is her use at star labs her powers are useless there no offense she could be home with Jenna and speaking of Jenna it sucks that we never see her they never talk about her unless its to say they are talking to their babysitter so instead of her to go take care of her child she’d over here acting like a child and sticking her nose in everyone’s business. I am so sick of her.’’ Barry just sat there looking at iris and after hearing all she said he can’t help but see the truth in what she’s saying, how could he have been so blind to this. As he continues to rub her back iris gathers even more courage to finally let this all off her chest ‘’ after cisco left the one person at star labs besides you I could stand was gone he was my sunshine twin he would always try to cheer me up when we lost Nora and even when I lost you to the speed force he was always there for me and I miss him and I miss Kamilla because she understood me we where becoming close friends before we got stuck in the mirror together and now we have an unbreakable bond because of that experience and now she’s gone too not only did I lose my best worker but I lost my best friend too. All of a sudden Iris seemed to get angrier Barry didn’t know why but his about to.

‘’ Caitlin and frost’’ she said their names with as much annoyance as she could muster up ‘’ they are the biggest entitled people I have ever met before frost was a thing it was the way Caitlin always looked at me like I was beneath her or something like she couldn’t get rid of me fast enough then frost came and bitch tried to kill me because she wanted dick and some other issues I had never did anything to her never spoke to her but all of a sudden she wants to kill me why I have no idea and what pisses me of is the way we just forgive her just because she did the right thing in the end and blasted Savitar she came to h.r funeral and she left to go find herself or whatever you went into the speed force and she abandoned me, Wally, cisco, and dad to fend of the bad guys on our own. Then Caitlin came up in her in her high horse to bring you out of the speed force like she’s been here all along, then she lost frost with the whole devoe thing Caitlin literally put your life and gypsy’s life in danger all because she wanted frost back and despite my better judgment I went up to her during the baby shower we threw for Cecile to offer up my help to find the bitch frost for her and she was just snarky with me saying no she will find her I just gave up on that hoe what still confusing is how she can perform all this surgery’s she’s doing since she hasn’t done them since med school like isn’t she a bio scientist or whatever like how did she become team doctor she literally has no experience in that field all she does is just stitch you up with pretty much all of us can do now and she acts like she has the most important job there dragging Allegra and Cecile along with her.’’ Iris shakes her head ‘’ you know what’s do funny’’ iris asked Barry ‘’ what’’ Barry genuinely curious ‘’ that whole frost trial and how Caitlin was like we have to get her out she’s my sister, since when though, anyways they arrested frost for a crime that she actually committed its not like she didn’t commit them she literally tried to kill me and she wanted her to go Scot free when you went to prison for a crime you actually didn’t commit it just pissed me of and instead of dumb bitch to just take the cure she volunteered her self for life in prison thinking she was doing sum, I might not like Kramer but what she did to frost was not a bad thing she all she did was try to make frost take responsibility for her actions. But she never does like always she literally gets out of prison after like two days.’’

‘’ and another thing that pisses me off is the way they treat Chester that boy is so sweet and deserves to be treated with kindness so that why it irritates and makes me so angry to hear that Caitlin was yelling at him for getting hit even sue warned Allegra not to pursue after her cousin but she did anyways and brought her to star labs without our permission knowing she’s a dangerous criminal when her and Allegra get into it she blast Chester who was just there to bring them snacks and somehow Caitlin made it Chester’s fault? Like how does that even make sense. I am just sick and tired of all of this. I am supposed to be happy right now basking in love with my husband trying to conceive our daughter and we can’t even have the privacy of knowing if were pregnant or not because of Cecile invading your thoughts once again the negative result you got was meant to be shared with me not her and I know this is wrong but I am glad that the test came negative because it would be so unfair of her to know that I am pregnant before I know all because she’s nosy.’’ Iris finally finished her rant with a deep breath, she looks up at Barry and all she finds in his eyes are adoration, understanding, anger, disappointment, and love.

‘’what?’’ iris asked

‘’ you are the strongest person that I know’’ Barry whispers to her ‘’I don’t know how you let this in for this long because one thing I know for sure is that I certainly would have burst long ago.’’

‘’ I am so sorry that you’ve had to keep this all in for this long’’ Barry said caressing her cheeks ‘’ and I’m sorry If you felt like you couldn’t tell me, thank you for bringing it to my attention and after listening to you things need to change for one our personal life needs to stop being discussed at star labs where everyone can hear and the second is that Caitlin needs to not be our doctor and she is certainly not going to be delivering our baby and most importantly we need to set boundaries for Cecile’’

‘’ thank you, babe, for listening to me and letting me get this rant of my chest, I feel so much lighter.’’

‘’ its my job iris there is no need to thank me I will always be on your side ALWAYS.’’

[windbournefree]

AARON SORKIN'S "WOMAN PROBLEM" AND THE NEWSROOM

After binging on The Newsroom (and loving it) created by Aaron Sorkin I got to thinking about his reputed "woman problem" when some YouTube commenter described all the female characters on the show as "twits." That's a characterization I strongly disagree with, and will show why, but also can't shake the intuitive sense that his portrayal is rightly controversial. By that I mean it is right that it should be a matter of discussion, not that it is necessarily wrong. The people holding the discussion need to decide that for themselves.

First the bald facts. Women in this drama hold power: Leona founded and still owns the company, Mackenzie is the Executive Producer of the network's flagship news program with a male second-in-command and many male staff, Sloan is the acknowledged smartest person in the company with far more lucrative prospects awaiting her should she choose them, Maggie is promoted instantly from a personal aide to an associate producer by a woman despite her youth and inexperience. Women are in leadership roles with real power that they do exercise.

In their relationships to men, the women in The Newsroom engage in give and take.

Mackenzie may look at Will like a doe-eyed schoolgirl at times but she's in love with him and is self-recriminating about previous behaviors. She isn't like that with any other male characters. Even with Will she frequently takes charge and makes him follow her direction, which he does. Mac exercises real power in her relationship with Will from episode one on. When Will doles out his "punishments" she only takes them to the degree that she believes she should. She holds the power at any time to say, "That's enough!" which she does in regards to the engagement ring. When she does that he realizes he's gone too far and changes his behavior.

Maggie coddles Don in most of the scenes we see of them and breaks up with him mostly in scenes we don't see. I'd venture to guess that the early breakups happen because the relationship has no room for her passion and she gets tired of soothing his ego to make things work. In contrast, Maggie's drawn to Jim because he awakens and allows room for her passion. Most employees who confront and yell at their bosses as much as she does with Jim would be suspended and/or fired. He lets her get away with it to a degree because he recognizes that that same passion drives her to become an excellent journalist. And because he likes her. Both are true. Every once in awhile he has to reprimand her in public to assert authority over his team or it gives permission to his other staff to behave the same way. Maggie is no shrinking violet. She is strong and self-directed and refuses to allow a man to control her. Most of her errors come from inexperience and human frailty. None of them occur because she's a woman.

Sloan clearly wears the pants in her relationship to Don which, to his surprise, he doesn't mind. Ever once in awhile, though, they switch roles or just relate as equals. Don goes from dating the young intern who part of him wants to dominate to dating the highly intelligent, self-directed professional who no man can dominate and becomes a better version of himself as a result. Sloan's errors in her first broadcast about Fukushima occur not because she is scared by Will as a man but because she's scared by him as respected professional. His gender doesn't matter to her. When Charlie yells at her about it she tells him strongly, "Do not call me 'girl,' sir!" And that's to the head of the News Division.

Leona clearly rules the roost and fights with Charlie as an equal or as a subordinate, never as a superior. They fight the way old friends do.

In no respect are women as a class portrayed as inferior or subordinate to the power of men. So why do I get that intuitive itch that there's something old-fashioned about Sorkin's writing on gender relations?

I think it's that some of the male characters in The Newsroom tend to be the carriers of logic and reasoning while the female characters tend to be the carriers of emotional expression. This isn't always true: Sloan is highly logical (while also passionate) and Charlie is highly emotional (while also reasonable) and Neal carries both in balance. It's certainly true, however, of the Jim & Maggie relationship which is intended as a reflection of the older Will & Mackenzie one. Remember how, in episode one, Mackenzie points out Maggie to Jim and tells him that she's a younger version of her before she grew into herself and got hotter with age? And why has Jim long been Mackenzie's choice for supervising producer? Could it be because he reminds her of Will? I think so. I also think it's fair to assume that Sorkin does not intend for that rational/emotional dichotomy to typify all gender relations since he gives us alternate examples. More likely it's because Sorkin is a brainy guy who prefers an emotionally expressive woman to bring balance into his life. When he writes romance it comes out of who he is, what he likes. That's how he connects to the material at a feeling level. Some viewers may prefer a flip on those traditional associations and the Don & Sloan relationship may have been his attempt to provide that. It's not where Sorkin feels at his strongest or most natural, though, so he writes what he knows.

There ARE problems with The Newsroom, though, that I think if addressed would have reduced criticism. In no way should bosses be allowed to date subordinates over whose careers they have an influence. The producers decide what stories are aired. The career of a journalist rises and falls with the number and quality of stories they get aired. Dating a subordinate in this environment is a breach of ethics and most professional workplace standards. To be fair, Maggie was first an intern then a personal aide and only became an associate producer (journalist) as Don was on his way out so it wasn't a total breach; definitely in the gray area, though. The sexual tension between Jim and Maggie, obvious to everyone (as Sloan pointed out in the finale), often broke out into open conflict. Mackenzie should have addressed this conflict as their supervisor but instead encouraged it. As Jim points out it was Mac's idea for him to get together with Maggie in the first place. Again, it was Mac's advice to Jim to "gather ye rosebuds while ye may" that led to his and Maggie's first kiss and then Jim deciding this was wrong. Mackenzie's regrets about her relationship with Will colored her judgment and led her to offer advice that may have been okay coming from a friend but was inappropriate coming from a supervisor. She could have been rightly disciplined or even fired by HR if found out. Jim does decide that he can't date a subordinate however he feels but Mac should have intervened and threatened to move one of them out if they couldn't handle the tension in a professional manner. In the series finale Jim offers the Supervising Producer position to the woman he's in love with. How is that not an HR violation? How would Maggie's career not be dogged by rumors of "sleeping her way to the top" if she accepts it?

The other thing is the way emotional conflicts between several of the characters break out into office wide battles. Talk about an unsafe working environment! I can't see how the entire management staff wasn't fired on an almost weekly basis. And when Mackenzie commends Maggie for her loyalty by saying she wouldn't complain to HR if her hair was on fire I cringed. Is that the message you want to send out in a #MeToo world?

Aaron Sorkin says he likes to write "very romantically, very idealistically." The chaos in the newsroom is intended for laughs, not to be taken as a serious reflection of a workplace. The characters are flawed and frequently do not do what they should. The lack of HR supervision is even mentioned by a character in season one so there's awareness that liberties are being taken. I don't think there's an inherent woman problem here, just a production not as sensitive as it might be to the struggles women face in the workplace. There are good reasons why "no dating" policies are in place, why it's unprofessional to carry your personal life into the workplace. Workplace comedies routinely feature HR nightmares for the sake of laughs: Brooklyn 99 is a good example. We don't take them seriously. It's the sheer intelligence of The Newsroom and the realistic setting that may make the comedy part seem more serious than it is. Personally I see the show as a kind of joyful fantasy; Sports Night without the canned laughter. If you can separate the fantastic from the realistic I think you'll find that The Newsroom is actually very empowering for women.

[detroitbydark]

Fox and Mouse Finale 1/2

Characters: Commander Fox x Mouse (reader), and more Jedi/clones/politicians than you can shake a stick at.

Summary: Fox makes plans and then remakes them...

A/N: Ladies and Lads this is it! A chapter so stupid long it required it be split in two pieces. I'm not going to make you wait and I'll be posting both this evening. I'm feeling really sentimental because this is the longest thing I've ever written and completed. I couldn't have done it without y’all. Your support and comments have helped me get through the tough periods of writing and the stress in my life as of late. This is for you guys! Thank you. I love you! 

Special thanks as always to @skdubbs and @crimson-dxwn for being there to listen to me and help me every step of the way. You are both absolutely amazing!

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The crick in his neck is the least of Fox’s worries when he wakes. It wasn’t like he could call the tossing and turning he’d done for the last six standard hours much of a rest. After returning to his room, tail tucked between his legs, Fox hadn’t been able to unwind. He couldn’t lay his head down without a million thoughts racing through his head.

He loved her. 

Yes, it was something he’d known for a while, maybe even longer than he was willing to admit. He loved her more than he loved himself. For a long time he’d thought that’s how love was supposed to work. You sacrificed yourself for the things you loved. Now he’s not sure.

Mouse loved him. It was something he hadn’t hoped for, but after being near her, feeling her lips against his own, seeing the depth of emotion in her sad eyes as she’d kicked him out of her room - he didn’t question it. The issue he finds himself struggling with is hard to put into words. If he couldn’t love himself, if he didn’t think he was worthy, could he truly love her? Mouse was willing to accept him at his most broken, for his flaws and his lingering self doubt. If he couldn’t do the same for himself-

The thoughts kept him up the better of the night. He’d lost count of the times he’d walked to his door intent on barging into her room… and doing what? That’s where the plan got dicey and inevitably where he decided against any further action until first light.

Of course, by the time he’d fallen asleep he’d been so exhausted that he’d missed first light. It wasn’t until a pair of noisy male tik-tak birds jostled for the affections of a female outside his window that Fox woke.

His first thoughts were of Mouse as he shooed the noisy creatures from his open window.

He didn’t enjoy the smell of failure -or sweat - that permeated the air around him. He took a sonic shower so fast he would have set a record back on Kamino. 

He focused on the words he’d say to her. The words that would make her see that he was sorry. That his shabla behavior was a fluke that he could and would correct. That he would spend the rest of his life making it up to her if she’d just give him one more chance.

 He pauses as he slips into his armor.

The rest of his life.

He didn’t want her for a moment in time. He wanted her for all time, at his side through whatever life would throw at them. Resolve settles over him, the kind that a lifetime training for battle honed. There’s a certain peace to it.

Darasuum.

Like any good soldier he makes a plan. When she fails to answer her door when he knocks, he goes to plan B. He knocks again. Louder.

When that doesn’t work, he moves on to plan C.

There’s a small cadre of Jedi and Clones eating a quiet breakfast on the veranda. The sun is just peeking over the waterfalls in the distance. Cody and General Secura are speaking in quiet tones over two cups of caf. General Kenobi sits nursing a cup of tea staring out over the placid lake. Like, a sore thumb, Bly sticks out, devouring whatever pastry and fruit had been piled on his plate like he was a cadet late for morning exercises. He looks up in time to see Fox and give him an encouraging smile and a wave over before taking a bite of some sort of plump sausage even Fox found to be too large.

“Vod!” The golden yellow hues of Bly’s facial tattoos seem to glow brighter in the sun. “Su cuy’gar!” he greets happily.

Fox pauses, then pulls out a chair, grabbing a cheese filled pastry from his batch mate’s plate. “Su cuy’gar,” he greets in return. “After the sounds I was hearing last night I wasn’t sure I’d see you in one piece this morning.”

“Don’t be fooled. I’m held together by the Force and a prayer. My Aayl’ika does nothing in halves.”

Fox, even with the pressure of his impending conversation with his own love weighing on his shoulders, can’t help but chuckle as he steals the other Commander’s mug of caf. 

“Oya!”

Bly snatches the mug back and hot caf sloshes over the edges. The commander of the 327th makes a grunt of discomfort before leaning in and sucking the drops of spilt caf from the space between his thumb and index finger.

Fox smothers a laugh with a large bite of pastry. Bly raises an eyebrow before his eyes narrow in on Fox’s mouth.

“I know red is your color,” Bly grabs a napkin and tosses it to Fox, who catches it easily, “but I didn’t believe you were a lipstick man, regardless of color.”

One swipe across his mouth brings back a small smear of star cherry red lipstick. Mouse’s lipstick. He must have missed it in the shower.

“Since I don’t see the lovely dal I’m taking it either went very well or very poorly.”

Fox takes another swipe and places the napkin down when it comes back clean. “It’s a work in progress”

Bly gives him a serious look, the easy going manner from a moment ago pushed to the back burner.

“Tell me, vod. How do you and General Secura-“ Aayla glances up when she hears her name. Fox offers a tight smile. Bly shoots her a wink. “How do you do it?”

“Well you see Fox’ika, when a clone loves a Jedi-“

“Fierfek! Bly I’m being serious!”

“We’re honest with one another” Aayla’s smooth Ryl accent interrupts whatever comment Bly was getting ready to make. She moves gracefully over from her previous spot near Cody. The Marshal Commander has now joined his Jedi staring peacefully out across the water. Fox doesn’t doubt he’s listening in.

He isn’t sure whether he should be thankful for Secura’s intervention or not. Never having had a Jedi of his own, he still has moments where he finds their presence overwhelming. Aayla looks about as intimidating as a loth kitten this morning in leggings and a loose tunic, somehow looking incredibly chic and supremely comfortable all at once. Her eyes find his, searching for something as she sits down next to her Commander. “We’ve had to learn the finer points of communication.” She looks to Bly. Adoration is written across her delicate features as her lekku twitch happily. “We have to be able to trust each other.”

“It’s work,” Bly says, taking Aayla’s hand and placing a soft kiss along her knuckles ,“but we make it work.”

“And after the war?”

Aayla sighs. “We will cross that bridge when we come to it, but I don’t know if my loyalty can remain with the order alone. Once the Force has shown you something-“ she pauses and smiles softly at Fox, “The Force works in mysterious ways, would you agree?”

“General Secura.” Cody’s voice comes from across the veranda because - of course - he was listening, “I believe you forgot to mention respect.”

Aayla smothers a smile. “Oh yes, respect is quite important.”

Fox is very quickly beginning to feel the nonexistent walls close in around him. “Yes. Yes. “ he grumbles, “I’m a lousy di’kut.”

“You said that - not us - Commander,” General Kenobi chimes in without turning his head away from the lake spread out before him.

“Beg your pardon Generals, Commanders, but I don’t need the Force to tell me that I made a fool of myself last night.” He pushes up from his seat, stealing the caf back from Bly and finishing off the dregs. The other Commander makes a disgruntled sound. “Now, if just one of you could point me in the correct direction I have some-

“Groveling?”

“Pleading?”

“Apologizing?”

The voices all mingle together as they chime in and Fox sighs, rubbing his temple.

“Yes, all of that and then some. Just-“ he lets out an exasperated sound “-has anyone seen her?”

——-

Mouse hadn’t meant to fall asleep. Really, she’d just hoped to get away for a bit. She needed to separate herself from the faces that looked so much like his and the sad looks they’d given her as she’d picked at her breakfast.

She needed to know that Fox wasn’t just a few easy steps across the hall. She’d stood with her hands flat against the door too many times for her liking last night. It was only a few steps and she could be wrapped up in him, repercussions be damned.

Mouse wanted to pretend that her ultimatum may not end with a choice she wasn’t happy with. If Fox decided he couldn’t - or wouldn’t - do what she’d asked, well, she wasn’t sure how she’d handle it.

The field, nearly half a klik from the estate, had become a favorite over the last few months. Close enough to the waterfalls to hear the rush of water over the edge - and catch some mist on a windy day - but rarely visited by locals. It was peaceful. 

The summer grasses had easily surpassed the height of her knees weeks ago and - with a little more rain and sunshine - would soon be at her waist. For now it was just long enough to make a makeshift nest when she lay a blanket down. The green stems stood proudly around their brothers and sisters squashed by the worn quilt she spread out. 

The sun shone softly through a sea of gossamer clouds, its rays warm and soothing as she lay down with a datapad to review Padmé’s personhood bill in its entirety. Mouse couldn’t help the pull of sleep. The legalese of the document and warm kiss of sun paired with the sleeplessness from the night before had her first drowsing then, finally, blessedly sleeping sheltered from the world and her problems that lay outside her ring of softly swaying pastoral grass and millaflowers.

Her dreams begin as nothing in particular. Another blessing in disguise. Nothing bad troubles her sleep, though nothing good brings tenderness either. Instead she catches glimpses of Coruscant, of Fox and the other boys of the Guard, of a tiny green-skinned twi’lek girl. Images of Luke and Leia older and toddling around with their mother and father laughing and following behind them. Slowly, the boys are filtered out, then the Amidala-Skywalker clan, even little Me’kar fades away. All of it is gone and Mouse finds herself alone in front of a tiny cottage. It has a vegetable garden along one side and rows of flowers along the other. She hears her name whispered softly, the warm rumble of it so familiar.

“Mouse.”

“Mouse”

“Mouse.”

Her eyes flutter open, and she squints into sun spilling around a vaguely humanoid shape while her eyes attempt to adjust to the sudden change. 

“I’ve been looking all over for you.” 

Fox.

She’d know his voice anywhere. Hope springs to life in her chest. He’d come to find her. Surely that had to be a good thing, right? She moves to stand, getting as far as sitting before he makes a disgruntled sound and angles himself down and onto her blanket. She watches him look around, his head barely above the tall grasses surrounding them. His gaze moves to her discarded shoes and bare feet, slowly traveling up over her calves where her dress has ridden up in her sleep. She blinks, trying to push the residual fog of sleep from her head. Fox’s gloved hand reaches out and skims over her ankle. That electric spark she’d felt at his touch last night is still there.

“Fox?” He won’t look her in the eyes. The feeling of his touch is missed when he pulls his hand away. “Fox-“ she tries again, hiding and failing to hide the slight quiver in her voice.

He holds his hand up. “I have things to say and I need you to listen to every one. I’m- I’m not sure if you’re going to like what I have to say.”

Mouse nods slowly. He’s more his namesake now, more animal than she’s ever seen him. She moves slowly to rise to her knees, afraid the wrong move, a sudden quick one, will see him breaking away.

“I can do that,” she offers slowly. Fear at what he has to say leaves a thick knot in her stomach. “If we’re going to do this, though, I need to see your eyes. Ok?”

Fox makes another sound, a small grunt of assent as she rises on her knees and puts her hands to either side of his bucket. She releases the locks, hears the gentle hiss of release. His features are schooled when she lifts it off, but she knows her Fox. Whatever he has to say is eating at him. She can see it in the dark circles that rest underneath his eyes, the exhaustion that looks almost permanent in the soft brown eyes she adores so much. Always the caregiver, she fights the urge to pull him down, make him lay his head in her lap. She wants to card her fingers through the new growth of hair, brush through the locks that were just beginning to curl and swirl at the ends until he falls asleep. 

But she also needs to know what he has to say. She needs her answer so her heart can shatter or mend because whatever it is, there will be no in between. Not with him. Not with them.

She watches him swallow, look at the sky and the soft clouds above them before bringing his attention back to her.

“I’ve made mistakes in my life,” he begins, “Some of them widely known. You- you are the mistake I regret the most.”

Mouse attempts to turn away, but she can’t. His words- it feels like she’s watching a hover train come off the rails in slow motion. Fox glances down at his hands, squeezes them into fists.

“I-“ his eyes travel back to hers, pinning her in place “I’ve called you my precious girl more times than I can remember, because to me you are the most precious gift the maker has ever deemed fit to give me. But you're not a girl. You’re a woman,. A smart, strong, caring woman and I called you a girl. When things got hard, I treated you like one, like I had never made a mistake, like I knew what was best for the both of us.”

Mouse can see it in the little ways he moves, the clench of his fingers and the way his eyes trail to her shoulder, the scar covered by the thin summer dress, that it is taking everything for him to muscle through this.

“Fox, why are you saying this?”

“Because I need you to know.” His jaw is set in a sharp line. “I need you to know that I’ve thought about you every day since you left Coruscant, that I dream about you every night. I need you to know that I’m afraid to be around you, that even with the chip gone and that- that hut’uun,” spitting the word out as if it tastes bad in his mouth, “dead, I’m scared that it’s not enough, that someone is going to say the wrong thing and I’m going to do something you won’t come back from - and there’ll be no field of wildflowers for me to find you sleeping in, because you’ll be dead and it will be my fault”

Mouse grabs his hand, forces her fingers between his until he relents and lets her hold it. Her other reaches up, strokes along his right temple and feels the telltale ridge of scar under her fingers.

“Listen to me.” It’s a firm order and his eyes go a little wide. “You are not a bad man. You never have been. You never will be. You are the reason I’m alive. Your will, your strength kept you from making a shot I know for a fact you could make in your sleep. The scars I bear are your love brought to life.”

Fox shakes his head quickly. “That is sick, cyar’ika, you were-“ 

It’s Mouse’s turn to make a sound of discontentment as she pulls at the collar of her dress, stretching it out and down around her shoulder. “Look at it,” she demands. When he hesitates, she places his hand on it, holds it down with her own. “It’s just skin, just flesh over bone. Do you think Palpatine would have allowed me to live even if you hadn’t been the one to do it?”

Her hand slides his down to her chest where she holds it high on her left breast. “This has always been yours. Do you feel it?”

Fox’s fingers twitch over her racing heart. She had to make him see. Even if this was the last moment they were ever together, he had to leave without the guilt. “This has always been yours,” she repeats again, “You protected it and I’m alive because of it.”

Fox pulls away from her with a rough exhale, shaking his head. Mouse lowers herself, sitting on her feet, pretending she doesn’t feel the pins and needles building in them. He won’t look at her as she adjusts the neck of her dress back. She’s failed. The sudden realization hits with such certainty. She was going to lose him for good.

“You are so warm. You draw people to you and take them in, claim them as yours and care for them. You’ve never seen myself or any of the other Guard as just clones. From day one you spoke to each and every trooper you met as an individual. You’ve always tried to help and for some reason I was the one lucky enough to have you helping me. Even when I was acting like osik. Even when I was gruff and dismissive. You dealt with me-“

“-And I loved you” 

Love her head screams at her to correct but she doesn’t. Fox nods.

“Someone else will come along and they’ll love you with everything they have to give.”

Mouse feels a sharp pain in her chest and tries to turn away. Fox’s curled finger catches under her chin and brings her eyes back up to his. Mouse sees something steely in their warm depths.

“They’ll give you the world. Everything I can’t. But you know what?” He lets the question hang in the air for a moment. “I don’t want anyone else to love you. That’s my job. I don’t want to lose you and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I ever put you in a position to think otherwise.”

Relief, warm and fluid fills her veins as tears threaten at the corners of her eyes. Fox watches with slow building panic.

“I- please don’t cry.”

Mouse laughs then and leans up, capturing his lips in a chaste kiss that he doesn’t respond to immediately. When she pulls back, he looks pleasantly bewildered.

“I’m not sad.” She wipes aggressively at a tear rolling down her cheek. “These are happy.”

Fox’s hands cup her cheeks, his thumb brushing away another stray tears. “Well if that’s all…”

 He leans in and captures her mouth in another sweet, delicate kiss, pours his love into it until it’s spilling over and Mouse thinks she could happily drown in the feel of it. 

When she attempts to deepen the kiss, he pulls back. Mouse bites the inside of her cheek to stop a whine from escaping.

“My self control is negligible at this point.” Fox manages a strained laugh while he cradles her face. “I don’t want to rush-“

Mouse presses forward and kisses him hard, sharp teeth nipping just this side of painful along his lower lip. The growl she’s missed over the last few months rumbles in his chest.

When she pulls back, letting his lip slip between her teeth, she can’t help but appreciate the way his eyes have darkened. His hands fall down to her hips and he stares. Just stares into her eyes, searching for something. Mouse doesn’t look away.

“You want to do this right here?” His voice is thick with the familiar gravel of lust and Mouse feels a wave of heat ripple through her body. Right here, on the blanket in the warm sun where anyone could see. There’s a certain thrill to that thought. She swallows thickly. 

“We need to slow down,” Fox repeats.

“Are you saying that for you or me? Because I’ve been waiting months to touch you,” she admits. If possible, Fox’s eyes darken more at the admission. She’s always loved his durasteel will, but right now Mouse found it more than a little irritating. 

“Cyar’ika.” His tone is warm, but the warning underneath is very clear. Ok. Fine. She could go a bit longer. 

“Can I show you something?”

A smile pulls at the corner of his mouth as his thumbs brush small light circles over her dress. 

“I suppose it depends on what you're trying to show me.” 

Mouse leans forward and the pair meet in a slow kiss, just a soft press of their mouths that neither can seem to deny. She murmurs against his lips when she pulls back. 

“Come with me.”

——-

Link to part 2/2 here

[akvtsuki-ari]

Sweetheart (Ch.2)

Warnings: smut!, choking, uhh insecuity maybe??, sub!spencer, dom!reader, talks of bdsm protocol

Length: 4.2k 

Authors Note: heyyy yall. i feel like i haven’t uploaded in DAYS idk why. another chapter of this fic bc i love it a lot but my next fic will be a dom!spence oneshot that i can’t get out of my head lol. this chapter is kinda open conversation

Plot Summary: Spencer can’t stop thinking of you but he’s too nervous to do anything about it. You’ve got doubts that only he can fix and he has questions only you can answer. Spencer really likes being choked, apparently. 

Ch. 1

Look at you baby, your lashes are so long, aren't they? Such a pretty boy," your voice rings out softly in Spencer's ears. A light sheen of sweat coats his chest as he feels your fingers around his dick, his throat caught - words disappearing from him.

"Fuck - please, Miss I'm gonna -," Spencer's voice is broken when he feels an orgasm wash over him.

Then of course, Spencer wakes up. Sunlight hitting his eyes as he blinks himself awake. He can feel it in his pajama pants, still not having registered the content of his dream before he looks down to see the massive mess. It's managed to happen a 3rd time, and its only been a week. Spencer shuts his eye in disdain as he stands up, pulling his pants off and tossing them in a hamper before he heads into the shower.

Spencer hates cold showers, he remember this fact as the water beats down on his back as he washes himself up. He washes his hair while he tries to compartmentalize the situation.

Like Spencer mentions, it's the 3rd time he's had a dream that wakes him up in such a pleasant way. You two had been dating for 2 ish months now, but Spencer chokes everytime you try and take things further. You never give him shit for it, which is more than relieving to him. You always reassure him that the two of you can take your time and that it's okay if he doesn't want it right away.

You were an angel, he knew that for sure but Spencer did want it. He was just, well - as nervous as a person could be. He still hasn't really talked to you about any of that, not about how it would work the first time the two of you did.. it. He didn't even know if you still wanted that - he'd been too petrified to ask if you still wanted to dominate him or if maybe that'd change now that you actually knew him. He didn't even know how to bring it up, or if there was a time for him to do just that. The whole thing filled him with such intense anxiety, he just didn't bring it up at all.

But, he wants to go further with you. He likes you so fucking much - of course he wanted to go further with you. He figured you knew that.

You didn't, really. You figured Spencer found you unattractive to some extent so he just kept putting off sleeping with you. It felt like a juvenile insecurity to have but well - he always reacts so poorly anytime you take this further. You knew he was anxious but there was always that self-loathing voice that told you that it was your fault, that he just didn't find you attractive enough. You pretended it didn't hurt since you like him so much, but it was starting to take it's toll.

On both ends, it was a fucking mess. Neither of you really knew why it was a mess for the other person, but it sure was one.

Spencer gets out of the shower when he hears a knock on the door. His eyes flit up to his analog clock on the wall, you were here right in time, Spencer thinks. He throws on an oversized sweater and some jeans that you bought for him. He liked them but he only really wore them cause you like them so much.

Spencer can't help the butterflies that fill his stomach when he sees you. Your eyes are dolled up in this pretty dark eye shadow, and red lipstick. You're pretty, dark and pretty but still pretty. The makeup was just new. Spencer feels like he's choking as he looks at your smiling expression Spencer shuts the door behind you as he lets you in.

"You ready to get brunch?," you ask Spencer. He dries his hair off and finds something to style it with as he walks back into the bathroom. All stuff that's new that you've introduced him too. He likes using the stuff that you told him to use though cause it makes his hair look less greasy.

"Yeah, but we've got some time before then - right?," Spencer ask. You smile and nod your head as you walk up behind Spencer, wrapping your arms around his waist. He feels small - your actual size unimportant to the way you make him feel. You pat his sweater down, hands dangerously close to his waist as you look at him, eyes gleaming. You give him a small grin when you peak over, as Spencer's eyes meet yours in a small blush. Your hands find themselves underneath his sweater, brushing his waist as you sway into him. Spencer focuses so much on doing his hair, just trying not to get hard.

"What should we do in that time?," you ask, mostly to yourself. You know Spencer probably won't do what you were thinking of doing. Spencer just blushes before shrugging, finished fixing up his hair as he moves away from your touch. You're a little hurt, not tryng to let it show as he walks back out into his living room, you following suit.

"I think they're playing some animal planet re-reruns," Spencer suggests. You give Spencer a small, half-hearted smile.

"Yeah sure," you say softly. You don't mean to be disappointed because you really do respect Spencer boundaries. You don't ever wanna do something that he's not a 100% down for and you just like him so much it doesn't matter. You had to admit though - god, you wanted to fuck his brains out and the fact that he may not return those feelings hurt a little more than your ego wanted to admit. Spencer seems to sense your disheartened demeanor, and with trying to ignore his immediate panic he looks over to you as you lean into him on the couch. He moves away from you for a few moments to look at you, and you turn to him confused.

"Are you okay?," Spencer asks concern. You give him a small smile and nod, taking his hands in yours and playing with his fingers. Spencer looks at you for a while longer before you begin to talk.

"It's nothing serious - it's kinda silly actually, so we don't -,"

"Hey," Spencer pauses. You look up at him, his eyes so full of concern. You can't help the way your heart melts, leaning up to meet Spencer's lips for a second. You look at the clock, still a good hour before the two of you have your plans. You sigh, looking down into your lap before you speak.

"I just wanna say first, that I totally respect any and all of your boundaries regarding sex - and I would never, ever pressure you into something you don't wanna do," you say slowly. Spencers nerves crawl up his back but he waits for you to continue.

"But uhm, well - I don't know, I guess I just wanna know if you still, well or if you ever wanted to sleep with me. Like ah, you know, maybe you found me unattractive. I mean, I get it - I guess I'd uhm, just wanna know beforehand," you trail off, unsure of how to say your comments. Spencers a little incredulous - did you genuinely think the reason he'd been avoiding sex was because you weren't attractive to him? Spencer just shakes his head violently, wanting to say so much but not wanting to scare you away with his words.

"Well, uhm - no it's not that at all. I think you're super attractive, and I defintely want to.. you know - with you I mean," Spencer starts, feeling the way your hand tightens around his instinctevely. This the most vunerable you've been with Spencer in your relationship so he wants to make sure you know how much he cares

"I have dreams about it, like all the time recently. I really like you, and I really do think you're very beautiful, I guess I'm just - nervous, you know? I don't know what to do, especially since we've never done that before and we met under such.. interesting circumstances. I don't know how to approach it,"

"You have wet dreams about me?," you say, a little too excited for your own good. Spencer blushes before nodding.

"Huh, I just openly admitted that didn't I? To answer your question, yes - I had one before you came over," Spencer remembers. You give him a cheeky grin and he hides his face in his head, groaning. You only laugh, pull them away before kissing his knuckles. You were more than pleased to hear this info. You stand and sit down in Spencers lap, hands on the side of his face. He gives you a small, gentle smile.

"It's okay if you're not ready to talk about sex at all, but it may help if we cover general BDSM code and standard. Nothing has to be decided or talked about if you don't want, but maybe just going over it will ease your mind up," you say softly to Spencer. His nerves settles as you continue to reassure him - your behavior is so perfectly soothing. The hand on his back, the softness in your voice and your reassurance, Spencer knew you were experienced but he was still impressed. Spencer just nods, letting you pepper kisses all over his face that made his expression scrunch up. Cute. Spencer was so cute.

"Yeah, that sounds good," Spencer manages to push out. You give him a warm smile. You move away to sit next to him, still maintaining physical contact but clearly becoming more serious.

"The most important thing to know is that everyone practices BDSM differently. There are two common standard procedures that people use, however - safe, sane, and consensual is the most common. It's just saying that both parties are participating in something that is just as it implies, and it prioritizes safety. Knowing you, I'm sure you've read up on most of this, but it doesn't hurt to explain," you say softly. Spencer nods, he did already know a lot of what you were talking about.

"The other is 'Risk-Aware Consensual Kink,' which is where both parties are participating in something they knew could have consequences that are harmful. In both situations - both parties need to be aware and understand the lengths of whatever they're participating in. It's the core of all BDSM practice, and since this is all new for you - let me be clear that your safety and sanity come first to me always. BDSM is a psychological thing at heart so making sure you're okay is firs priority," you clarify. Spencer is in awe by how.. well-spoken you were about it. He knew you were experienced but it was more than you let on. Spencer just nods, unsure of what to say.

"You've actually done this before, but the same goes for me - you know," Spencer adds. You give him a sweet kiss which he returns.

"Thank you, love. With all that, the way you assure someone's safety is obviously having discussions about limits but also by developing a safeword and system to make sure that a scene can stop at any point. It's especially important to make sure that those words are a out of place. You shouldn't use words like "Stop," or "No," as safewords because in some peoples play they refuse something as a part of foreplay or a part of the scene. Maybe a submissive whose being bratty is refusing something but they're okay with it happening - thats when a safeword can come in. If a partner at any point wants to tap out, they use that word," you explain.

Spencer nods in understanding, he didn't even think about people using those words for the purposes of foreplay or whatever else. He gives you a curious look, as you lean back. Instinctively, Spencer moves himself to lay his head on your lap which you'd sorta pavloved onto him. You'd always pat your lap when you wanted Spencer to do it, and at first it was so embarrassing but you'd do it so much he just sorta got used to it. You run your hands through his hair, the other one on his chest. His face is a little hot.

"For me, I like the stoplight system - Red meaning stop completely, yellow meaning slow down and let's talk about this, and green meaning go, I'm totally down for this. I like that system because it's a lot easier to get a sense of how the other person wants the scene to go, and if I want to try something, I can ask my submissive 'Color?,' and they can respond however they like. If they say yellow, I can break character and ask them whats up which can give them some real reassurance. Every submissive is different, but this sytem is really universal and easy to keep up with, " you say lovingly, patting Spencers chest rhythmically. You look down at his expression with serious eyes.

"Listen to me carefully when I say this my love - if we participate in a scene and there is a single doubt about what's happening, you use one of your safewords no questions asked. Using your words with me or any other signals may discuss is so important and it doesn't make you a bad submissive - okay? We are equals, always. Even if you want me to step on you, or call you pathetic - we are still equals and always will be, okay pretty boy?," you say in a stern, but loving voice. Spencer just nods, softly - so far he doesn't have many questions though he's sure that'll change at some point. Spencer nods, leaning his face into your hand as you cup his cheek. You lean down and place a kiss on his lips.

"I know I've been talking a lot, but lemme hear your thoughts, yeah? Anything," you ask Spencer.

"It's weird - I've done so much research on safe BDSM practices and understand all this stuff in theory but it seems so different in practice," Spencer comments lightly. You nod, letting him continue.

"One thing that I did notice was that you use If/When scenarios about you dominating me and I wasn't really sure what that was about. We are girlfriend and boyfriend, doesn't that sorta just imply you are my dom?," Spencer asks. You give him a pat on the chest before you go into explanation.

"It certainly helps that we're dating but you and your submission is something to be earned. We've never discussed in length until today, but of course - I was hoping that you'd want that from me. It's really just like an everyday relationship, but a lot more involved in trust and respect. We have a strong romantic connection which is really lovely, because it builds a lot of that trust and respect that you need to practice BDSM healthily and safely. I wanna lead you so I can see you grow, and hopefully, you wanna submit to me out of respect - those sorts of things,"  you say, playing with Spencer's hands. Spencer just nods, looking up at you.

"Will you be my dom, then? I want you to be. I don't think I could really imagine it being anyone else," Spencer asks out of the blue. You weren't expecting the question so suddenly, or the way your heart rips through your chest hearing it. It's so simple and innocent when Spencer asks.

"I mean, I'd love too but are you really sure? I mean -," you try to think of a reason for Spencer to say no but you really cant. Spencer just smiles at you, sitting up to look at you completely.

"I trust you so much because I know you'd never do anything to hurt me on purpose - I mean unless I asked but, you know what I mean. I'm more sure than I was about asking you to be my girlfriend because you're just a trustworthy person. You're smart and kind and lovely all around. I know I'm new to this but theres no one I trust more than you to teach me. I really like you," Spencer says warmly. You wrap your arms around him, avoiding the tears in your eyes. Spencer is so sweet, reassuring by nature and it makes your heart yearn.

"Well, then - yes, I'd love to be your dom. And to answer your question about what we do for the first time, it'll be rather purely vanilla. No hijinks, just regular sex - since it's your first time partaking in BDSM with someone else, we gotta go really slowly so you don't have to worry. It might make you a little impatient but have faith in the process," you explain softly. Spencer is relishing in the fact that you know so much - you seem to have such a tight grasp on what you were doing he had no urges to question you. You lead so naturally, you don't demand anything from him but still, Spencer follows you. Spencer would follow you into the darkness if you kept speaking to him like that.

"We'll discuss things slowly and we'll make it really easy, okay? Once I get to know you a little more in bed, we can plan and talk about our first scene. It takes time to figure this stuff out, you know," You play with Spencers hair as you look over to the clock. 27 ish minutes before you two went out for brunch. Spencer sits up, face flush as he opens his mouth to try and ask you for what he wanted - now that he knew what was on the table his mind was thinking of everything he was missing. All the touches he was aching for you to give him. Spencers eyes were a little lost as he tries to explain to you.

"Can we -? I mean, would you, you know - uhm," Spencer voice can't get the words out. You give Spencer a small smile as he leans back into the couch. You pull your dress up, straddling Spencer's lap, and Spencer's throat dries up. He can't speak as he feels your heat up against his jeans. He's hard nearly immediately, a painful feeling for his dick up against the tight denim. Spencer stares up at you startled, a playful smile on your face. You place your hands on Spencers chest, feeling him up before settling your hands on the side of his face base of his neck. You lean in slowly, breath brushing Spencers ears as he heart pounds against his chest. His body felt a little out of control, and you just seemed to be so comfortable Spencer didn't know how to deal. He's so aware of the where your fingers seem to linger around his neck - he wants to blurt out "Choke me, please," but the words seems to disappear when he opens his mouth.

"You want me to touch you, Spencer?," you ask softly. Spencer nods violently and you can't help but laugh, maintaining eye contact for a few agonizing seconds. You lean in to kiss Spencer as your hands work the zipper of his jeans, your fingers making indirect contact with Spencer's cock. He whines aloud - he's sensitive, apparently. You can't help your pleased reaction as you pull his erection of his boxers - the tip is swollen, you can feel it ache under your touch. Spencer's eyes roll up in the back of his head, despite you having barely done anything for him at all.

"How fast do you think you can get off, baby?,"

Baby. Fuck, Spencer liked when you called him that. It was so natural to you, and Spencer just sighs.

"Fast," Spencer admits, a little embarrassed. He'd never needed to cum that quickly before in his life, yet here you were making him feel like he'd break at any second if you touch him too long. He was an adult but the thought of having sex with his girlfriend made him feel like he was gonna fucking combust.

"I cum first today, hope that's okay with you," you tell Spencer warmly. He gives you a nod, he's more than okay with that. You guide his wrist under your dress, feeling his hands palm through your panties. You moan quietly, and Spencers pleased with himself. It's hard for you to not just tell him to lay back so you can sit on his face - because god did you wanna do that.

"You lead the way," you joke to Spencer, more just telling him that he has permission to do his thing. Spencer just nods, as you lean into his neck to bite hickies into it. Spencers hands are careful with you, two fingers pressed against your clit as he rubs circular motions, his other hand holding your waist steady.

"A little faster, love," you ask Spencer. He just nods as he hears your voice, soft sighs falling from your lips as you feel your orgasm build in your core. Spencer likes you so much, he's so eager to please you in every way so when you finally reach your orgasm, Spencer doesn't hesitate on letting you ride out your high. His dick is pulsating against your thigh, as you finish up and flutter your eyes open to look at him. Spencer gives you a small smile, eyes looking for your approval as you give him a lazy smile.

Spencer watches you pick your bag up from the couch, laughing as he sees you pull out a condom. He gives you a look of surprise and you just shrug, rolling it on for him.

Your lipsticks mostly on but smudged a bit as you kiss Spencer, lifting your hips up before settling back around Spencer's cock. You feel so good around him, the feeling of your lingering orgasm gripping him tight makes him choke. You ride Spencer with ease, hands around the base of his neck. Fuck - Spencer wants you to choke him so bad.

"Choke me, please," Spencer spits out. You give Spencer a look.

"Are you sure, love?,"

Spencer strains for a second, feeling his orgasm coming at him full speed before squeezing out another "please". You debate for a second, but you figure non-kinky couples do this all the time and you tighten your hands around the base of his neck.

Spencer relishes the way the air leaves his lungs and doesn't return. He loves the way you look at him when you do it, the way you adore how much he's under control. He tries to calm down but before he can think, his orgasm shoots up his spine as he looks at you pleadingly. You purposefully clench around him and Spencer's leg twitches underneath you. Your grip on his neck releases immediately and he misses the feeling of you around his neck, cumming into the condom with a heavy sigh.

"I really like you," Spencer breathes out as you cum. You bubble up with laughter as you kiss his cheek, a little red pair of lips sitting on it. He goes to wipe it off but you stop his hand, grabbing his wrist.

"Leave it," you say, an edge to your voice. Spencer can't help but nod, touching it carefully as you slip off of him. You pull off the condom for Spencer, throwing it in the trashcan of his bathroom before heading to his bathroom with your bad. Spencer follows suit, wiping himself clean with a wet-wipe before tucking himself back into his jeans. Spencer watches you fix your makeup in the mirror, as he clings onto you in the mirror.  You turn to him, wetting your lips before kissing that same spot, then using your little brush to put powder on it. You smile, leaning up to kiss him on the lips. He wraps his arms around your waist instinctively.

"Now it'll stay put. And, I really like you too," you say, rubbing his back as he hugs you. He may have been tall but he clings to you like a big baby. It was so damn endearing.

Spencer's heart beats so loudly in his chest. You were so lovely, you smelled good, and tasted nice and were so sweet to Spencer. Spencer liked you so fucking much, he just wanted to stay like this forever and the best part was you liked Spencer too. The way you rubbed his back, soothing him and humming as you gave him the affection he always dreamed of made him feel more happy than he could imagine. When he pulls away and you look at him, you place your hands on the side of his face and smile.

"You're so pretty, doc," you say. Doc - you only called him that when you felt affectionate. Spencer blushes.

"So are you,"

If you two didn't have a brunch reservation, Spencer was sure the two of you would stay like this forever. Not that he really minded, anyway.

[heartthrummed-a]

@executefaces​ asked: door .  hold a door open for my muse. (hey so imagine after a double face performance...)

Loud & Deafening Silence // Accepting!

You have the decency to feel ashamed for the twinge of fear that settles in your gut― not that you’re scared of Mikejima, though (you hope). Rather, you’re fearful of that all too familiar aura clinging to him, which you had noticed since today’s performance as a member of “Double Face” began (and likely existed before it started, too). It’s unsettling, too reminiscent of the War and even his time with the Shinkai Cult (both as a member and as its enemy). In fact, you’d call it downright sinister. Far from the loving, caring, protective “Mama” you knew. Not that even that was his true self... But as much as that mask annoys you, this feels like far too much of an extreme as well. A far more dangerous one too, both to himself and to others. This is that rogue you were taught to hate for so long, and even if you no longer harbor such resentment... You don’t want this. Where has your beloved gone?

...How long has he been gone? 

Oh, but you still follow, even if you are afraid and uncertain. You meet him after his show is finished, watching him part ways with that child that reeks of the same aura (much less the upbeat kind of unnerving, though) after what seems like an all too serious conversation of whispers that you fear you could guess the subject of. You allow him to wrap an arm around your waist after he hugs you in greeting which you try not to think of as a mere farce to soothe the worry and suspicion undoubtedly etched into your features now, guiding (half dragging, because you seem to have forgotten how to work your feet in your stupor) you toward the exit. He only means to take you home, you hear him tell you as much even through your current daze, and you think nothing of it. But when he parts from you just to open the door for you, you suddenly feel like you can think and breathe again. It all comes rushing back to you in an instant, and when it does, you back away rather than come any closer. 

No, if you let him take you home and leave you there, you miss the chance to talk about this. If you leave it for another time, he’d just find some way to excuse it or maybe even tell you were just imagining things, even if likely everyone could call his strange behavior in these performances. And you simply can’t let this opportunity slip away, especially if it might help him (depending on how he takes it, anyway). After all, he has nowhere to run while you’re both still here. It’s the perfect chance to confront him in the act, is it not? Cruel as it might be... This is the only way to get through to Mikejima, you think. So you plant your feet firmly, refusing to budge. You know he won’t make you, though, even if he is more than capable of doing so. And you’re counting on him not having the heart to simply leave you behind to get out of this, too.

❝Close it. We’re not going anywhere yet.❞ Firm is your tone as you cross your arms over your chest, eyes narrowed into a glare at the stranger man before you. ❝It is just the two of us here now, after all. The perfect opportunity to talk, don’t you think so?❞

❝So talk, rogue. What are you planning? You reek of that same terrible feeling you did back during the ‘war’, yet somehow worse if you’re letting it alter even your work as an idol. Why? What’s going on? Does that child have something to do with it? What are you really doing here?❞ You want to ask, too, why he’s gone back to this. Were you wrong in thinking the both of you were making progress in improving yourselves...? You know he’s a jaded and wartorn man, but is this not excessive? This has to be an extreme, a result of wandering too far, but how do you bring him back? Can you bring him back?

...Don’t think on that, actually. You know the kind of answer he’d give you for that, and you refuse to believe it. A hero always finds a way, after all. So you will do exactly that. But first...

❝...I just need you to be honest with me, Mikejima. Just for once. Or are you that determined to remain in your web of lies? And to what end? To protect me? To protect everyone? You must be stupid if you think that’s what you’re achieving here. So spill it. What’s going on...?❞

[jae-canikeepyou]

| serenity in us | j.jh | ch. one

word count: 2.9k+ ( putting this now yay :3 )

a/n: hey hi hello~ i’m back with another series! i was gonna wait until my semester’s done but my patience’s killing me and i don’t wanna keep you all waiting so here you go! ♡ enjoy! ~j

“serenity is found somewhere between the sky and the sand.” you read the font words on the minimalist frame. it was a quote you heard in an ongoing, constant dream that you thought was needed to be drawn and remembered. in it, the quote was a voice as if a narrator spoke those words to begin something new. the scenery you ask? every place was different but there was always a horizon. the dream was vague and raised a lot of question marks in your mind the moment you wake up.

you hung the item on the wall, marking the end of unpacking your things since moving in days ago. the mess was finally cleared out and the boxes were emptied and folded briefly, lined on one side of the wall. you slouched low in exhaustion, sliding your home slippers across the white marbled floor. it was squeaking even, that only explained how much of a neat freak you were. a new apartment, simple furniture and man oh man, you have an automatic vacuum with a sensor that you didn’t have to worry about the dirt at the annoying, impossible corners.

independence was something you were blessed with despite being an orphan as early as two. uncle caleb; a friend of your father’s and aunt jenn; your mother’s half-sister, gladly took you in as their own.

honestly the mention of your beloved felt like they were still alive and just working abroad, because they were always reminded and talked about from your uncle and aunt. you had a striking resemblance with your mother, but the ways were your father’s. ‘a perfect combination of the two’, was how they described the child they never wanted to leave behind.

the door bell rang and the small screen showed your childhood— and best friend, eunha. she waved at the super tiny camera and had some flowers and bento boxes with her, all packed and nicely decorated. you pressed the button for her to enter. whilst you waited, you played an hour long track list of soothing, chill, instrumental songs to make the apartment a little noisy. one thing’s for sure, silent cleaning was not a good habit since you tend to procrastinate, oops. 

eunha greeted you a hug so tight, placing down the things she brought with her. “y/n! i’m so glad we’re living so close to each other!” she hugged you and fanned herself as if that would stop her eyes from welling. “how’s everything with you? you should’ve called me honey! you know i’ll be coming straight away to help! i have a hotline like the powerpuff girls has.” she winked.

“i’m great! i crossed out the things i completed and now free from the stress. i’m ready for the new semester.” you gestured her to sit, inviting her for the meal you prepared. “well i am the bubbles to your blossom~ but it’s really okay! i managed and here we are talking freely without stressing over things.”

her hands held yours and swung them with excitement. “after we eat, do you want me to bring you around town? there’s a vinyl record store i think you’ll like.” her voice beaming as she singsonged, chewing on the pancake with whipped cream and blueberries.

“it’s still 9 a.m. we have loads of time in the world.” you showed your watch.

the leaves began to fall and you twirled around the sidewalk’s lamppost. eunha took pictures of you, happiness written on your face. you both entered the said shop. records displayed and hung on the wall, posters of legendary artists and worldwide singers encouraging customers to come in.

your hands trailed along the shelf that had new and limited turntables. as much as you were itching to pull out your wallet, there were other important things you needed to worry about and independence meant discipline too. your fingers curled and hesitated, just inches left before you could touch the surface of the one thing you’ve always wanted to purchase.

eunha giggled at your whiney, surrendered self. your back turning away from the product and walking towards her. “y/n.” she called your name, but this certain tone was serious and was more of a reminder.

“i know.” you smiled as you wiggled your phone with the ever precious wallpaper of yours.

“oh! your aunt’s calling you.” she hopped and pointed at the device, making you sliding fingers on the screen a second later. she gestured that she’d head out and wait for you.

“hi aunt jenn.” you greeted on the phone, only to extend your arm slightly at the baby’s cry on the other line. “aw he’s crying again?”

“yes y/n. i’ll be heading to work soon. can you come here?” she chuckled, though it was obvious she had the baby in her arms.

you exited the store and pulled eunha, crossing the pedestrian. “alright, i’ll be on my way.”

the office was dead silent and not one soul dared to speak. three figures stood in front of the angered woman; their continuous fiddles of the fingers and tapping of the toes became faster as they tried to come up with a reason to tell. just one. only the ticking of the clock on the table was heard. it was getting harder and harder to breathe even in a hundred square meter room.

“where is he?!” she yelled. the three flinched and were taken aback, hands either behind them or wrapped around an arm. the door then flung opened, revealing the said guy.

“young man, how can you be so inconsiderate?!” the woman asked again, this time it was in an annoying range of decibel that the listeners had to endure the volume. 

jaehyun brushed past the ‘meeting’ and sat in one of the leather chairs. his legs rested on the centered table, obviously not bothering to listen. “so, being a minute late concludes my actions in general?” he chuckled bitterly, spinning the chair around before standing up again.

“i couldn’t care less,” he now glared at the woman. “about this damn meeting. what is it for, anyway?! wasting my time!”

he left the room and the woman rubbed her temples, swinging her palms to tell the rest of the three to follow the young man. “jaehyun.” yunho called his brother, reaching a hand out to grab him, successfully turning the lad around.

“what?” jaehyun snapped, removing the grip onto his body.

krystal rolled her eyes, the pungent smell entering her nostrils. “you reek, jae.”

“you went drinking again, didn’t you? i could smell the moment you came into the office.” yunho asked, pressing the button of the lift to head down.

“when will you learn, honestly?” jessica fixed her bag on her arm. “grow up.”

jaehyun clapped his hands, applauding the expected words that woman instructed his siblings to do. “me? learn? i already did. i just won’t follow orders from that silver digger.”

“gold*.” they corrected him.

“see you’re still drunk.” krystal meddled with her new manicure, earning a nudge from jessica.

“whatever, noona. you get my point either way.” jaehyun fished out his car keys to toss them up high, whistling his heart out at his favourite tune.

they exited the building and got on the car. he dropped off his sisters at the blanc and eclare flagship headquarters, then drove to a nearby restaurant for lunch with yunho. they entered the place and went to the reserved table. jaehyun sat and loosened the buttons of his polo, removing the neck tie and sat back.

yunho stared at his carefree little brother, he put the menu down so he could maybe give him a little serious talk. he understood why jaehyun acted the way he did earlier. even he himself could do the same but given the circumstances of his standing in the family, of course he’d be the mature one. he was the first child anyway.

“got anything you want?” yunho asked, removing his sunglasses then placing them in its case. “i’ll pay.”

“nah, let me pay for my own meal, hyung.” he flashed a small smile. “i got my pay check.”

“so you still do have a heart.” yunho jokingly stated the overseen fact.

“c’mon you’re smarter than that doctor jung.” jaehyun said the occupation title in a childlike tone. “you should know why i’m filled with hatred towards the woman.”

“hatred is such a strong word, offensive even. but seriously jae, how long are you going to keep up with this behavior? the next thing you know it, you’re out of the penthouse.”

yunho raised his hands to order. the young lad didn’t dare to answer and he sighed at the usual unresponsive manner whenever they hit this certain topic. “look i know for the longest time she treated us like how captain george von trapp did to his kids. i get it. you hated how she uses out-of-the-world discipline and i totally understand that-”

jaehyun scoffed, disbelief clearly written on his face. “i was six when she entered our lives. a kid that age couldn’t handle being shoved around just because he thought there was no difference between boxers and pajama shorts. the sound of music is cool reference by the way.”

“you did have confused mind back then. and what else can i compare it with? she probably took the idea from there.” yunho laughed as he handed the utensils and handkerchief. “but still though, i suggest you man up and act like you do with dad. just be yourself.”

“easier said than done.” jaehyun began slicing his steak and popping one bit into his mouth.

“what makes you so stone cold towards her anyway?” he asked, fixing the handkerchief by his lap.

“simple.” jaehyun stated the obvious even if he knew that yunho knew the answer.

“she’s not mom.”

eunha brought you to the restaurant that opened not long ago. the interior was eye-catching yet even with its simplicity, it was able to attract customers from outside. the smell of dishes that were yet to be served was luring and probably the reason why eunha chose the place. the waiters led you to the a table and soon came back with a baby chair. you placed the little un in it and he smiled with pearls trying to peek out.

you fixed the bib around him and booped his nose. gurgles of his hoarse laughs made everyone at your area turn to him. “ooh you sure are the spotlight stealer, aren’t you? these people are already taking a picture of you.”

“gosh he has the cutest smile.” eunha melted at the sight of him grabbing the tissue. “looky here!” she aimed her camera at him. “y/n, what’re you getting?”

you pondered for a while before your eyes landed at the name your stomach was craving for the past week. moving apartments had a toll on you— that resulted in you unable to cook your favourite meal. up until this morning were you finally found the time to do that. hence the breakfast eunha devoured within seconds.

“i’m getting fish & chips, and the classic steak.” your stomach growled at the picture beside it.

“alright, i guess i’m getting the same as yours.” eunha raised her hand.

the waiter came to your table to kindly ask for your orders. when you did so and thanked the man, a wallet fell from your right side. picking it up to give it to the owner, a large hand lightly touched yours and you looked up to see two men smiling softly.

“thank you.” the man in a suit said, taking the wallet from you.

“you’re welcome.” you answered. the man looked awfully familiar, as if he was on every commercial the screen had offered to show.

you and eunha shared a look. the telepathic words exchanged between the both of you had your eyes agreeing with what you saw, confirming his identity.

“he’s that celebrity doctor.” eunha mouthed. “dr. jung yunho, a paediatrician.”

“he seems a happy child. how old is he if i may ask?” he waved at him.

“this little guy here, just turned one few days ago.” you said, wiping off the drool with the bib.

“oh precious. belated happy birthday buddy.” he greeted.

you turned to the little one and carried him in your arms, waving his hands to thank the man. as you continued have your lunch and taking turns in feeding him and yourself, you noticed some movement where other children would approach the child on your lap. they would pinch his cheeks lightly and made faces they thought would make him laugh.

then the two men beside you stood. but before they left, yunho took a something out of his pockets and handed it to you.

it was a business card of his own practice office with an address and contact information. “if there’s anything you need help with, just give me a call and this guy-” he pointed at jaehyun and pat his back. “-will pick you and birthday boy up and head to my office.”

“hyung!” jaehyun gasped loudly, later covering his hands at the volume of his complaint. “sorry, i don’t mean it in a negative way.” he smiled awkwardly at you.

“no worries.” you gave him a sincere smile and he swore he felt like the world slowed down. everything else blurred where the only focus was you; how your hair length waved below your shoulders and your eyes sparkled with the sun’s reflection.

this young fine man though, whom you thought wasn’t paying attention or interest to, was now staring at you like he had a thousands of questions to ask to fill in his curiosity. “see you around.” yunho bid you goodbye, and the other trailed from behind.

eunha poked your shoulder with an intention of a tease. she grinned and you knew where she would go from there. “i know what you’re gonna say.” you rolled your eyes, yet a faint smile was evident in your lips.

“really?” her tone was very challenging. “i’ll test you. go ahead.”

“‘dr. jung yunho is so handsome! he’s so dreamy in real life! i should’ve asked for his photograph and boast it to my friends!’ yeah, i guess it’s somewhere along those lines.” you mimicked her voice and expression, not to mention gestures as well, especially the hands.

“yah i don’t act like that!” she defended, but there wasn’t any denial as she said that. “well, maybe. you’re not wrong though.”

“hmpf. and here you went ‘test me’.” you giggled, giving another piece of fish fillet to the one-year old. “and for the record, i’m always right whenever i’m proving you wrong.”

“fine you win.” she sipped her juice from a straw. “oh! hey, the guy he’s with is also handsome.”

you nodded in agreement at the obvious fact, although he did have tiny temperment. but that was only due to dr. yunho’s sudden suggestion. “he looked young. maybe his younger brother perhaps?” you wondered.

“hm. i haven’t seen him before. not on screen at least.” eunha chewed on her food. you raised a brow since you have no idea what she was talking about. “that doctor we conversed with, is from a family of good looking people. he has two younger sisters; jessica and krystal jung. the older one is the founder and endorser of blanc and eclare, while the younger one is an nationwide actress.”

“wow.” your eyes grew at the far/fetched level of these people. “sounds like an ideal family out of a manhwa.”

“egg-xactly.” she pointed at you with a hard boiled egg by her fork.

“that guy called him ‘hyung’ though. looked like to me they know each other. plus they have resemblance too.” you wiped your lips clean from the possible stain.

“oh dear ms. y/n.” eunha called you, her palms touching her chest as if she was surprised. “you have the hots for guys like him, which was why you-”

“ah-ah.” you glared at her, making her shush and zipping the imagination by her lips. “don’t talk about that.”

“bummer, i wasn’t even gonna.” eunha pouted but held your hand anyway. “i’ll always be here for you, y/n.”

“thank you.” you gave her a warm smile.

jaehyun waited by the entrance while his brother paid their meal. although he was bummed out that he wasn’t able to pay for his, he was somehow relieved. because once that cash was out of his pockets, he’d be broke the next time he goes to drink again.

at the corners of his eyes, he could still see you and your friend, as well as the adorable child seated on your lap. you were giving him a spoonfuls for airplane feeding.

yunho gestured jaehyun that they were leaving the restaurant. “hyung, why did you say that i’d pick her up?” he asked as he took a quick glance at you.

“c’mon i’m just playing around.” he nudged jaehyun.

“by matchmaking me to some random girl?” he scoffed. “you sure got a lot of time in your hands.”

“don’t take it too seriously jae.” yunho went ahead, leaving his brother flabbergasted.

he then shrugged it off and looked at you before stepping out. his ears perked up at the three second long conversation exchanged between you and the child.

“jaewon, look! mommy’s got an airplane~”

jaehyun stopped in his tracks by the entrance. his head quickly turning to you again. your lips mouthed the one word that shock hit his entire body. you weren’t just some random girl,

you were the mother of that child.

[itachis-hoe]

aha, I literally love tobirama so much and yet all I do is write angst for him lol anyways...yeah, I might continue this one maybe

inspired by the rain

thoughts of you just linger in my head

“I just don’t love you, Tobirama, y-you have to understand, okay? Let me go. Just let me go!”

§

It rained for an entire week in Konoha when she broke her own heart.

One week had passed since she’d told the love of her life that he was nothing but a passing fancy. That his place couldn’t be at her side or that her love had been something out of convenience.

It was all a lie.

She loved him more than she would dare admit. It had been a little crush that existed from the start of their youthful friendship. She’d tease him more than the other boys she’d ever met, toyed with the ends of his hair when they sat close, leaned into him when they walked and blushed when he looked at her directly. Her crush blossomed like she had when her days were filled with etiquette, and more delicate tasks. She’d grown to be an exceptional beauty and he’d grown into the advisor for the leader of Konoha.

She’d only ever bat an eye at Tobirama when parties or celebrations were held. Innocent touches had melted away into something more intimate. Starlight was the only witness to the first time she’d dared to kiss him—a small confession unspoken in the brush of her lips on his. He’d been unable to let her go that night having spent most of the better part of the night kissing her in the shadows of the party. Pressed up against the walls of a dark hallway, absolute putty in his arms. How she’d love nothing more than to die in those secret moments of romance.

And when the war ended and Konoha had established itself, she saw the way the village looked at the Senju brothers. They were heroes among men. They’d catapulted into the heights of the social world and she could never keep up. She held out hopes that it could last. Her heart hoped against hope.

Tobirama would still seek her hand out in a crowded room, holding it with naught a change of his own expression. He’d hold it ever so sweetly, a soft rhythmic stroke of his thumb on the back of her hand soothed her nerves. Hashirama had married an Uzumaki woman—a way to strengthen their village and suddenly it was obvious that Tobirama would just follow suit. So, her little infatuation with him just could not persist. She had asked him once, offhandedly, if he’d ever marry someone for the village and just like the levelheaded advisor he was trained to be, Tobirama said yes.

It had hurt her more than she thought. How could he have known his answer sealed their fate?

The next week, she’d stood before him in the drizzle of rain and had told him she no longer wished to be his someone. That she had never wished to be his someone.

She had no family. There was nothing that she could bring to the table that could help the village—she was just one woman. It was a selfish reason. Or, maybe she was just frightened that she’d hear Tobirama let her go first. She needed her heart shielded from that rejection. Not from him. He could handle it. She couldn’t.

That’s what she kept telling herself.

§

§

It rained for an entire week in Konoha when she broke Tobirama’s heart.

Not even Hashirama had been able to console his usually calm brother. He had seen his fair share of rare outbursts but this was unlike any of the others. This behavior wasn’t induced by rage or frustration, but by something he could never hope to heal. He hadn’t realized how much his brother actually loved her until she stood before him and told Tobirama he was nothing to her.

And this godforsaken rain wouldn’t let up.

Tobirama had loved her probably before he even knew it. Their youth had brought them together—her parents were still alive, allied with his clan and her presence seemed natural at his side. She’d been kind to everyone. She had a tender heart, a soft edge where Tobirama was rough. Strange that he should let this girl get so close when others had attempted it and had been shunned or scared away. She seemed unbothered by his permanent glare or the way he hardly spoke at all.

Hashirama remembered her when she was young—the times when he would watch her play with his little brothers, indulging in their fantasies. She had been shy at first, a little hesitant, but once she’d warmed up to them, they couldn’t stop her. She was bright and lively and everything worth fighting for in a person. 

However, she latched onto Tobirama like a leech to flesh. She said she liked how quiet and serious he was for someone their age. It made him seem mature. Hashirama used to tease her about it all, but she didn’t seem to mind. His brother had been reluctant but something happened between the two of them that they’d not told a soul and had become inseparable ever since. And when her family died for his, she was provided all she needed. She was a friend in need and one he’d never turn his back on. (Tobirama had made sure to personally oversee the construction to her liking—of course, this was just another thing to tease.)

Her out of the blue confession came as a kunai in the dark. No one could have seen it coming after all the signs pointed to her and his brother tying the proverbial knot. His brother was not receiving it well, either. If he was any tougher on the shinobi training under him, Hashirama would have to completely step in and shut it down. (They were already getting complaints from the Medic Ninja at the hospital...)

§

§

She scratched at the wood of her bed frame, the rain pounded against her window. She’d been in bed all day—the bookstore she ran was “closed due to her health” besides the fact that she simply didn’t wish to open the doors and see people. She missed her mother at times like these. She wished she could ask her what to do. How could she be so dumb? Was it worth the pain? She wanted to say in confidence that she did the right thing, letting him go, but with the weather in it’s current state, all she could do was cry.

She had wanted to kiss him that day.

§

§

“Is that what you really want?” Tobirama held his hands at his sides, drops of rain peppered his pale face. His crimson eyes narrowed in their skepticism, searching her face for the truth. His snow white mane dyed grey in the rain as the strands wilted against his scalp and forehead.

They stood outside the front of the Senju compound, inches apart, electric air between them as she confessed how she wanted nothing to do with him anymore.

She clenched her eyes closed and shook her head, “Don’t try and fill my head with doubt!” He reached for her arm, but she dodged him with a step back. The betrayal was in his eyes was a subtle twitch in his brows, before he straightened out and composed himself, the rain pelting against their scene.

His tone was resolute. Tobirama would never beg someone. “If you can’t tell me the truth then perhaps it’s best that this ends here. If this is what you’re going to do I will let you do it. Just know that I had loved you the whole time.”

§

§

She figured she deserved this kind of suffering, or at least, she welcomed the company of her own misery to an extent. It was easier to wallow in her self pity than to face the reality of her own regrets. Tobirama was not a man who would give chase, she knew. He didn’t play games with people—she had loved that about him. She just couldn’t picture Tobirama choosing her over the sake of the village. She didn’t resent him for it. She loved that he was willing to fight for Konoha—to fight for future generations.

She loved him so much it hurt to think about.

She rolled around in her bed, a hand pressed against the ache beneath her skin. Tears pricked in the corners of her eyes as images of a life she had always dreamed of with Tobirama flashed before her. She had loved him wholeheartedly for the moments he had stolen away for her. A fact she kept reminding herself—that he stole those moments, that he could up and leave at any moment and she was subject to wait for him. She didn’t want to love a man who would choose someone or something else over her.

She knew Tobirama loved her, but he just loved the village more.

[maruzzewrites]

Every breath you take. - 2

Against your deepest wishes and prayers, the situation didn’t get better after your first encounter. You were too afraid to say anything to the person you were in contact with for the job in that house, so you shut up about the introduction between you and one of the residents. You feared they’d point their fingers to you and sink your life, letting you deal with the debris of a broken existence. So, you just kept quiet and accepted to go exactly a week after, hoping it would be an isolated incident. Someone really didn’t like to listen to your supplications, apparently.

Starting that week, for all the subsequent visits to your workplace, you were visited almost every time by some member. Only seven seemed to have any ounce of interest in you and in varying degrees, but you didn’t appreciate the mental stress of looking around the house before setting down and deciding to do your job. They were inconsiderate enough to sneak up on you anyway, always with some little request about what you could do for them and what you could improve in the way you did the chores. In a way, you appreciated the feedback so that you could tune off and go on autopilot while they stood there, either awkwardly, interested or stoically. You started to bring your own music with you so that you wouldn’t have to stand the silence lingering in the rooms or the idle, unheard chatter of the most social ones.

The most interested one seemed to be a man with purple hair and a slim build, his face almost always covered by a mask. He would bother you with odd questions, going as far as taking your headphones off when you were distracted. You really hated when he was around due to the lack of personal space and consideration for your comfort as he goes on and on about something related to compatibility, blood type or other weird stuff he’d babble about. When he was around, he’d make you clean up his living space quite deeply: your hands ended up on the pits of his desk and drawers, handling peculiar documents and his own underwear. He wouldn’t act bashful or reserved, just laying on the bed at your side as you rearranged for the third time since you met him his clothes.

“Have you bought your red panties yet?” He would ask once the New Year’s Eve approached and you just clumsily gave a halfhearted response, without disclosing the true answer. He did continue to ask, cooing and whining about not being so shy. He thought that offering to buy you some would allow you to relax, as if you were embarrassed about forgetting. You just gave him an underwhelming reaction and hoped he’d just forget about this affair as you moved on from his part of the room to turn your attention to something else. You could feel his lecherous eyes on you all the time as you moved around, never stepping over the line enough to make you react aggressively, but creeping you out enough to curl up on yourself the moment you came back at home.

There was another man rather interested in you, but he was nicer to be near than the purple haired one. He was tan, lazy and you barely felt intimidated by him beyond the knowledge of his affiliations with the mafia. He would hang out in his room or the sofa most of the times you saw him, cracking jokes at you every now and then. Some were simple examples of witticism that made you consider relaxing around him and assume you’d enjoy his company outside the circumstances you were in, but some were so deeply morbid and disturbing you’d pretend not to hear him as he waited for your reaction.

He actually took the time to introduce himself and you were faced with the fact these men had rather odd names. He was Formaggio and he started to list the names of the others, without knowing you didn’t have most faces to associate with those names. You supposed they weren’t their actual names and used nicknames in order to keep their identities secret. You didn’t mind the wall between yourself and their true selves, so you just mentally adopted the labels you were given and moved on with a simple mention of your own nickname. This seemed to please the guy in front of you, before his face fell as he understood you weren’t opening up to him about your first name. He made a little joke with your nickname and you mostly ignored it, answering with a simple and short laugh.

You met the blonde man (who you now knew was called Prosciutto, supposedly), but he was accompanied by an odd-looking guy, with green hair and a self-doubting behavior. You almost felt bad for him before turning your back to the pair to go on with your duties. Prosciutto and Pesci would often be together when you saw them, with the blonde man harshly reassuring the other to voice his requests to you before sighing deeply and proclaiming his wishes to you with a severe voice. Pesci seemed like a calm young man and his timid nature made your spirit rest from the incessant tension you felt between the walls of that house. Prosciutto, on the other hand, was still the serious and hardened professional you met the first time who would almost order you to do simple, trivial tasks that would make you work in close proximity to his part of the room. Together, those two men were quiet, silent and you appreciated the possibility to ignore them with more ease than the others.

Pesci also seemed to be the most grateful for the little gestures of kindness you’d still perform out of anxiety they’d complain in some way after they got used to it. He started to explicitly thank you at times, complimenting specific aspects of the food you cooked or the way you arranged furniture or his belongings. You had to admit those words did soothe your mind when they came, they were proof you were doing good enough and they wouldn’t toss you out to face their superiors in case of a little misbehavior. You soon learnt that Prosciutto was an unusually supportive person, who would praise your job when he deemed it was necessary, encouraging you to keep up the way you were doing. All in all, they were the nicest to deal with and you would lower your guard around them.

Illuso was another story. Despite not being nosy or loud, he was annoyingly devious, and he would take a great deal of joy in appearing out of thin air. You had no idea how he would sneak up on you when you least expected it, walking up to you from behind just to rest a hand on your shoulder and ask for something. You jumped more times than you could count when in his presence, the first few times lulled in the false pretense you’d finally get a day without those men walking around. With no idea of how he could hide so well even after a throughout inspection of each room, you never felt quite confident in that house with the impeding feeling of his presence around you. Even when there were days where the residents were away and the house was empty, the nagging feeling of Illuso lurking and watching you despite the silence reigning was enough to keep your alert and ruin your mood.

You hated how the knowledge of his stealth made you ease up when around the other men, as they noticed your slight shift in behavior and took advantage to linger around you a bit more. You hated even more when he would come around you despite the presence of other people and sour their mood enough to make your shoulders tense and your heartbeat way too fast to be healthy. Aside his admirable and creepy agility, he was mostly calm and contemplating, but he carried a smug confidence that made him more annoying than actual fearful once you got used to his eyes on you. He’d just smirk, look away to occupy himself with something else just to return his eyes on you from time to time to grin haughtily without uttering a word to you.

You started to get considerably tired of those guys once you met Ghiaccio. He was loud, arrogant and easy to anger. He always found a way to criticize your work or the way you talked or another aspect your yourself, never with an inside voice. He’d yell and berate you like there was no tomorrow; the first few times you even feared for your life as he ranted about some inflection that your dialect made you do. Despite being from Naples himself, he was smugly proud of talking in perfect standard Italian and you thought more than once to empty your dustpan on his head, just reconsidering because you’d like to keep your own on your neck for the time being.

Unlike the others, he wouldn’t stick around much and would get out after an hour at most. You were grateful for his little patience over the ordeal of keeping an eye on you, so you just gritted your teeth and listened to his yelling and his demands just to return to your duties when you would hear the front door close with a muffled click. His temper was nothing you couldn’t forget with the help of your cheerful friends or the comforting words of your partner once you would come home to sleep away the stress. Days when Ghiaccio was around were the less nerve-racking because he'd either leave you alone after he got tired to straining his voice with screams or he’d direct his irritation to anyone who would intrude in your meetings, leaving them to argue while you finished and excused yourself or they’d get tired of bickering, leaving you alone and in peace. In the intimacy of your room, you’d often thank whoever decided to make that man part of his team just for the little moment of relief he would provide you during this job.

However, if Ghiaccio was a surprising break from the stress brought to you by the residents of that house, their boss was enough to compensate. Risotto Nero was imposing and terrifying, with an aura of dread following in his wake. He was the last of the team you saw and you, admittedly, didn’t know much about him besides how he looked and his voice. He’d keep silent, horrifically silent, while you busied yourself around the place. When you first saw him, he was sitting down in the living room with some files in hand and he turned around just to look you in the eyes (were those natural? Did a man truly be born with eyes like that?). Where his men looked you up and down with different degrees of curiosity and diverse intentions, Risotto rested his gaze exclusively on your face and then turned back, continuing to read.

You decided to keep peace with Risotto because he was the boos of this team and your destiny would be decided by his opinion of you. Before even starting with cleaning, you turned on the stove and prepared some good espresso. The type of coffee that would make your mother proud and your Neapolitan origins evident. Pouring a cup for the man, you left the remaining in the kitchen so the others could enjoy it when they decided to come back. A few minutes later and you were propping a tray with the cup, some sugar and even milk in front of the man, right on the little table by the sofa. He looked at the coffee and then at you, silent as before.

Just then you noticed how massive he was. Maybe he wasn’t the tallest man you’ve ever seen, but he far surpassed the average and the amount of unconcealed muscles made your palms sweat out of fear. You were even about to disregard his words because of your focus on his colossal body, almost missing his low thank you that found a quick response from you. You then added that he could simply leave the tray there and you’d think about it later. When you came back to the living room, you didn’t find the tray on the table, but you noticed it was in the sink when you stepped in the kitchen. Risotto didn’t seem to have budged from his spot and you didn’t hear him move around the rooms despite his size, but you shrugged it off and continued to busy yourself with whatever you could find to do.

The following encounter with Risotto went just as silently, but you were still nervous around him in spite of his apparent disinterest in you unlike his fellow mobsters. You decided not to use headphones when he was around to stay aware of your surroundings and any request he would have of you. You thanked yourself for that idea when he approached you and asked to pay a little more attention to the office on the upper floor. You just nodded and took time to dust a bit more around, moving the objects and the files from the shelves so that you would make a good impression. All the while, Risotto was sitting behind the heavy, huge desk at the back of the room. The thought that he may have been in that room once or twice before, when you decided not to bother with cleaning it up, made you feel cold sweat run down your neck and sneak furtive glances at him while you both worked in complete, oppressing silence. You caught him stare back a few times, but while you seemed to be considerate enough to look away when your eyes met, he didn’t seem to care enough to avert his eyes.

In between your various encounters, with some rare occurrences of a completely free house or as close as you could consider it free when some of these guys could hide in the shadows like no business, you met the eighth and ninth members of the team. It happened just once, and they seemed open with their curiosity rather than hiding it behind a wall of demands like the others. Sorbet and Gelato introduced himself attached to the hip and just observed you with contemplative looks, whispering to each other and snickering once or twice while you were sweating bullets. When you asked if they had any special request for you, they just shrugged and told you they’d let you know if they needed anything, even adding that they may make their colleagues deliver the message while scoffing at you.

“Are you sure you want to stay here?” Gelato asked you after you displayed your dissatisfaction with their answer. Your confused reaction just served to pull his lips into a mocking grin, but he didn’t expand on his question further until you pressed to know why you should consider leaving.

“You’re quite brave.” He said to you and you couldn’t help rolling your eyes at the cryptic response, just before carefully considering the tone and the implications of those words. Brave wasn’t the adjective you’d use to describe yourself in this situation as you were simply hired to help them with housework. What did you need to be brave for?

“Or utterly naive.” Sorbet spoke up, making Gelato chuckle darkly at the worry painted on your features. Your eyes darted between the two, but they just stared at you with an air of amusement and malice surrounding them. That was the moment dread of your stay in that house really set in your heart and soul, dragging your body into a spiral of stress. All the while the two men just stood up and warned you to stay on your toes with the same lighthearted tone you’d reserve for a child playing around. They ignored you and your doubts about their words as they walked out of the house, saying their goodbyes with cheerful and calm voices. They never seemed interested in meeting you again and just left you at the mercy of the other six men who lived in that building, the threat in their words hanging over your head to weight you down.

Even before meeting Sorbet and Gelato, you were nervous around the others and worried about meeting the ones you never encountered before. But the suspicions they planted in your brain with few, simple words made you pierce together the fragments of every meeting with those men. You weren’t an idiot; you could understand the fact they started to stay behind their duties coincidentally the days you were called in was way too suspicious to happen nine times out of ten. You didn’t have a reason for this happening, of their motives, but you were pretty sure they wanted to keep an eye on you and be sure you didn’t mess with their jobs too much. You just kept quiet about all of it because you were told since you were a child that you could do nothing against the mafia and they had terrible, horrible way of dealing with those who displeased them.

You just took it and never voiced your concerns with your contact. Every time they called you, you would just accept and take anything they threw at you. It was no big deal, you’d have to endure their eyes and their voices and their presences once a week, at times once every two weeks. When they were supposed to be out of the house. You’d have to deal with one or, at worst, two at the time and you’d just gulp down the fear. Your fiance noticed your anxiety spiking up around the time you knew you’d be called, but you assured him you were fine and that it was just a demanding job to keep up with such a big house all alone. He’d frown and never drop it, bringing you close to comfort you when you refused to talk to him about it. If you could avoid involving him, you’d be glad, but you could never reject his calming touches and words when he wanted to pamper and cheer you.

“No partner of mine should feel this way,” he told you one evening. You sighed against his shoulder and just caressed his arm absentmindedly while his hand traveled up and down your back. “This doesn’t seem like the type of life you can keep up with.”

You frowned at his words and raised your head, putting a big of distance between your bodies. You silently asked him what he meant, your eyes searching in his own an answer. He smiled at you, reassuring, and pressed his hand a bit until you took the hint and rested your head back on his shoulder. He assured you he meant nothing by it, it was just a little thought that would swirl in his head from time to time.

“You know, going back to school was such a rewarding experience,” he started, and you giggled at the memory of him expressing the will to go back and get a degree. In that moment he was finishing his fourth and last year of study and he’d soon be able to get a job. He took a minute or two before continuing to speak, settling a certain curiosity. “Would you like that too? When I get a job, maybe you can enroll in University. You told me you admired me for my decision and I’d love for you to feel proud of yourself.”

You shot up, staring at him with surprise written all over you. Before you could even speak, he placed his hands on your arms and beamed at you. He talked and talked, about how he’d find a job and support you through your education. You two would find a nice, little house – not overwhelming at all. You’d make a career for yourself or just take pride in your future title, he didn’t mind either, he just wanted for you to get out of the necessity of stressful, underpaid jobs just to get by and allow the two of you to enjoy your lives. Maybe getting out of jobs without social security too, he said with a chuckle.

“Can you imagine? Both of us, calling each other doctors.” You smiled at his enthusiasm and his encouragement. Your mind wandered away from your worries, from the dread that would live on in the back of your mind. You just wept a bit, under the soothing gaze of your significant other, and reassured him that you thought it was a nice idea. You’d love that, you’d love to build a secure life with him.

You heard the distant buzzing of your cellphone as it sprung to life to warn you of the incoming call. As the cold grip of terror started to grip your brain, you leaned in and kissed your beloved to chase it away.

[igotyouniverse]

Only Love || Part I

but what if the sky above rans out of schooting stars

Pairing: Taeyong x Oc (fem)

Words: 1.8k

Story:   Taeyong and Jia were best friends for half of their lives, never seeing something more in each other, but after Jia starts to develop feelings for her already taken male friend she relaizes that falling for her best friend was the worst thing which ever happened to her.

Genre:  romance, angst (!), college au

Warnings (this chapter):

Note: this came out of a short blurp I wrote a while ago. This is gonna be a short story (max 4-5 parts). And it’s gonna be angsty! I hope you’ll enjoy the first part of this AU! ♥

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The brown-haired girl sat down on her beloved couch when someone opened the door to her room without even knocking.

“Can't you knock?”, she asked without looking up, as she knew exactly who entered her room.

“Why should I? Who else would visit you anyway.”, the boy teased her and closed the door behind him. She heard a rustling sound and turned her head towards him, curious about the the noise.

“What if I was having a date?”, she asked and tried to sneak a peek on the small plastic bag the boy carried with him.

“Yeah, sure.”, he answered sarcastically. The boy smiled as he noticed her curious gaze. He rummaged in his bag and held up a can with her favorite lemonade.

“For me?”, she asked and clapped her hands. The boy nodded and threw the can towards her. She caught it and was surprised that she didn't let it fall down.

“Thanks, Taeyong. Did you bring snacks, too?”, she asked her friend as he casually sat down next to her.

“No, sorry. I was too lazy to go to the store so I had to go to the vending machine but I only had money for the lemonade.”, he answered and put his head back to let it rest on one of the big cushions.

“You hungry?”, he asked her as he noticed her pouty face.

“Yeah, I didn't really eat anything besides breakfast and it's almost 8pm. I'm starving!”, she exclaimed and put her hand on her stomach dramatically as if the hunger was killing her.

“Man, Jia, I already told you that you need to take better care of yourself.”, Taeyong said with a tiny bit of anger in his voice. The girl sighed, rolling her eyes. Sure, mom, she thought and opened the can.

“Let's order something.”, she suggested and saw how Taeyong grinned.

“I knew you'd say that. I'm in. What do you want? Pizza?” Jia nodded in agreement and already looked up a delivery service on her smartphone.

After sending her order she eyeballed her friend. She noticed how he looked at his phone every two seconds, waiting for something to happen. She narrowed her eyebrows and cocked her head. It wasn't the first time this week  Taeyong seemed unusually interested in his phone. Normally, he didn't care much about it, especially when the two of them were hanging out.

“Is everything alright? Are you waiting for a call or something?”, Jia asked but all she got was a mild chuckle and a denying hand gesture towards her. She rolled her eyes in annoyance. Of course there was more to his behavior and she didn't quite understand why he wouldn't talk to her. They knew each other half of their lives and grew up next to each others house, joined the same Middle and High School and even managed to enroll into the same University to stay together.

When they were younger people were often questioning their uncommonly close relationship for two people from the opposite gender but they never cared. Taeyong was her best friend and basically knew everything about her and she always thought it was the same with him but it changed when he met his current girlfriend, Minji, in their freshman year. Now, one-and-a-half years later they were still a couple. Jia actually thought they would break up as fast as they got together but Taeyong seemed to be serious about that girl so as his best friend she tried to be as supportive as she was able to.

But she never really liked that girl. For no particular reason, though. There was just this antipathy against her when they first met and it never went away so she just dealt with it. In her opinion that girl didn't fit with Taeyong's personality, but whatever. As long as he was happy, she was, too. But that last week seemed to be the opposite of happy for him, which worried her. He usually behaved like that when he had a fight with Minji – which was quite often for Jia's opinion.

“I don't want to push you or something, but you can talk to me. You know that, right? We're best friends.”, she said and put the can down on the table after she drank a small amount of the delicious substance.

“I know. You probably know what's up, don't you? I really can't keep any secrets from you anyway.” he chuckled lightly but his small smile was fastly gone and a sad shadow placed over his face when his smartphone vibrated in his hands. “It's Minji.”, he mumbled and opened the message.

Jia tried to get a look at the message but she also didn't want to interfere with his privacy. If he didn't want to talk with her about whatever problems they had, she had to find her peace with it, even though it annoyed her and even hurt her a tiny bit. The girl wasn't in a relationship since she started university. She remembered that she dated some guys once in a while for a month or two but that didn't really count as a real relationship for her as she didn't even have deeper feelings for any of them anyway. She just didn't want to miss out on something and tried herself out a bit until she decided that this whole concept of romance and love just wasn't her thing. She didn't understand how people would change their whole personality and life because of some partner, with whim they won't end up anyway.

“We had a stupid fight a couple days ago.”, she heard Taeyong saying and looked at him, snapping out of her thoughts.

“She said, she doesn't want to miss out on something and wants to meet new people and stuff.”, she heard the bitterness in his voice. Jia avoided his gaze for a moment. He knew that Jia probably understood his girlfriend as she thought the same when she started university.

“And now?”, Jia asked, trying to be as nice as she could. Taeyong sighed deeply, putting his phone down to put his head in his hands.

“I don't know. It sounds like she wants to break up, I guess. She just texted that she wanted to talk to me as soon as possible. But I don't know if I can handle that now.”, his otherwise strong and confident voice was filling with anxiety and sadness. It broke Jia's heart.

Seeing her best friend hurt made her feel bad, too. She moved closer to him and put an arm around his back, resting her head against his shoulder. Jia felt how his muscles relaxed and listened to his uneasy breath.

“It's okay. You don't know of she wants to break up. And if she does, she's a stupid bitch. Especially if she's ditching someone like you for some dumb ugly guy.”, she said to calm her friend down and for a second she even heard him chuckle quietly. “Try to stay positive, okay? Maybe she just wants to talk and tell you that she said something absolutely stupid.”, she continued. “And if she really wants to break up, just call me, okay?”, Jia caught herself in a dark thought which she tried to shake off as fast as it appeared.

“Thanks. Ah, I'm so glad that you're my best friend.”, Taeyong said and looked at her, smiling softly.

“Me too.”, Jia answered and hugged him tightly, softly patting his back to soothe him. She was always surprised when Taeyong behaved so fragile. It was the complete opposite of his usual nonchalant and self-confident which he showed to the public. Sometimes she thought if Minji even knew how soft and deep he actually was.

“Umm, sorry if I'm interrupting anything. I just wanted to give Jia her notes back.”, both of them flinched and moved away from each other only to see a friend of Jia standing in the door.

“Seriously, is nobody aware of knocking before entering a private room?”, Jia asked in annoyance.

“Sorry, didn't know you were busy.”, the friend answered and put some papers on Jia's desk. The girl eyeballed both of them and raised one of her eyebrows.

“Good timing, Hwayoung. We ordered pizza but I won't be able to eat mine, you can have it.”, Taeyong said and stood up, stretching his arms.

“I gotta go.”, he forced a smile and waved at them before he left.

“Well, I'm all in for pizza.”, Hwayoung said and took Taeyongs place next to Jia.

Jia sighed, knowing that her friend was about to ask her some annoying questions, like always when she saw Taeyong and her spending time together

“I know you two are just friends but that kinda looked …-”,

“Seriously, I've known him for half of my life. We're best friends, okay? He's like a brother to me so please, drop it.”, Jia cut her friend off and rolled her eyes which made Hwayoung pursing her lips.

“I guess he's fighting with that girlfriend of his, again?”, Hwayoung asked and Jia nodded.

“Yep, but it seems serious this time. He's really scared that she'll break up for real this time.”, she answered and took a look on the clock on her wall. She was really hungry.

“Poor him. He seems to genuinely love her.”, her friend sighed but Jia only shrugged her shoulders.

“I guess he really does.”, she thought about how sad and lost he looked and felt bad for her dark thought before but she just couldn't shake it off. She closed her eyes for a second, asking herself why she was thinking about it over and over again. Jia felt how Hwayoung examined her face, sensing that something was bothering her friend but she didn't dare to ask, which was for the best. Jia wasn't ready to talk about her thoughts. She groaned loudly before she took another sip from her lemonade.

“How can you let someone control your emotions and your life like that? It's stupid. He would do everything for her. He probably would even jump off a cliff if she told him.”, Jia sighed.

“Well, that's love.”, Hwayoung answered and laughed. Jia looked at her friend. She wore her long, thick black hair in a ponytail and looked at something on her phone. Jia noticed that she put on some light make up and wore a pair of her contact lenses which made her eyes appear in a darker shade of blue instead of the typical dark brown eyes everyone here had.

“Falling in love sucks.”, Jia said, standing up to search for her wallet, as she was sure that her food will appear soon. Hopefully.

“One day you'll fall in love too.”, Hwayoung said with a small chuckle, shaking her head lightly while listening to Jia.

“Trust me, that won't happen in the near future.”

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