#the utamed fanfic

[eleanorfenyxwrites]

You Are Of Their Ilk - Sequel to 'You Need Tending'

[1]

Part 2

[Masterpost]

--

The rest of the morning that’s spent in Lotus Pier is, thankfully, undisturbed. A servant brings Wangji and Xichen their neatly packed belongings, which Lan Qiren tucks into his already-packed qiankun pouch next to Wei Ying’s old clothes and the letters that are the boy’s only birthright; the healers go about their business around them as they eat breakfast in silence; and when everything’s finished and they officially have no business left in Yunmeng, Lan Qiren gathers up the children to leave.

They do so with no fanfare, but as they pass through the main courtyard to the doors just as the Jiang sect is beginning to stir for the day, Lan Qiren spots a small, curious face peeking at them from behind the safety of a nearby building. He pauses just long enough for the young Jiang heir to realize he’s been spotted and hurry to hide again before he turns his attention back to the task at hand.

When they reach the city, it’s still relatively quiet. People are beginning to open their shops for the day and fishermen down on the docks are calling to each other, bringing in the first catch of the day, but other than that there’s not too much bustle. He glances back at Wangji to gauge how he’s doing with that level of noise - they’re still trying to feel out how much is too much for him to handle in the hopes of avoiding any further incidents where he goes running off to protect himself - and he’s startled to see that Wei Ying has plastered himself to Wangji’s side to hold his hand and talk and giggle at him from behind the shield of his free hand. Lan Qiren turns a questioning look on Xichen but finds that his older nephew is watching the pair with a little smile, something akin to joy lighting up his features. It’s been a very long time - too long - since he’s seen his nephew smile like that.

Lan Qiren shakes his head a bit but decides not to comment, rather he focuses on getting the children safely to the docks and onto the boat that will take them up the river towards Caiyi. Wei Ying spends the first few li of their journey darting up and down the boat exclaiming over this and that - there isn’t a thing he sees that doesn’t meet his eager approval, something which his three companions..aren’t quite sure how to handle. Even the boatman at the rudder can’t seem to do more than chuckle quietly at the boy’s antics as he leans over the edge of the boat to watch the oar cut through the water or track the glimmer of scales under the water as fish dart around them.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Qiren cautions sharply when the boy leans so far out of the boat Lan Qiren’s heart threatens to jump up into his throat. The last thing he wants is to have to fish the boy out of the water, especially since he doesn’t know if he can swim or not. And though he means the simple caution to be just that, a reminder to be careful, Wei Ying suddenly jerks back from the water and sits down so quickly there’s a thunk as his rump meets the wood, eyes wide and guilty in the second their gazes meet before he drops his eyes to his hands in his lap. Lan Qiren clears his throat a little and tries not to feel guilty as Wei Ying folds in on himself instantly, becoming so self-contained he almost looks like a different child. “It is not safe to lean so far out of the boat, you could fall. You must be more careful.”

“Yes, Master Lan,” he replies dutifully, earnestly, and Lan Qiren’s heart - surprisingly active today - breaks a little for the naked emotions in the boy’s voice. He sounds far guiltier than the situation demands as well as eager to agree with what he’s being told, eager to obey, and while Lan Qiren thoroughly appreciates obedience and carefully cultivates it in his nephews, his stomach turns a little as he thinks about just how and why Wei Ying, as a half-feral street child, has learned to behave similarly. He thinks about Wei Ying doing whatever he’s told by adults in exchange for a few scraps of food, or to protect himself from being hit, or to avoid being chased down by dogs, or any number of other unsavory reactions people may have had to a young boy who is simply the same sort of carefree and high-spirited person his mother had once been.

And he thinks about how if the circumstances were only slightly different he may have one day become one of the adults in the boy’s life demanding this crushing obedience of him.

“A-Ying,” Xichen calls, his voice kind where Lan Qiren’s had been cutting, and Wei Ying glances up at him through his lashes. “Would you like to come sit with A-Zhan?” The change is instantaneous - Wei Ying’s entire face lights up in a smile (though it is still perhaps a bit dimmer than the grin he’d just worn as he had been jumping around) and he stands immediately to walk carefully back down the length of the boat where he can settle into the space next to Wangji.

The rest of the day’s trip on the river is thankfully relatively uneventful, which Lan Qiren is inclined to privately thank Wangji’s unnaturally quick reflexes for. Wei Ying doesn’t run up and down the length of the boat again, but he does eventually open up enough to return to eagerly watching the fish, and though he doesn’t always remember not to lean too far out of the boat Wangji is always quick to grab the back of his shirt when he leans too far, his little face concerned and serious each time he keeps Wei Ying upright. Lan Qiren actually begins to wonder if asking Wangji to keep an eye on the other boy is perhaps too much to ask of a seven year old, but he’s pretty sure the tantrum Wangji would throw if told to part from Wei Ying would be..quite a sight, and he’ll admit that he doesn’t want to deal with that. Wangji’s biting phase has only just ended, after all, and he’s not exactly keen on giving him a reason to pick the habit up again.

They eat their afternoon meal on the water and Lan Qiren keeps a careful eye on Wei Ying. He knows that they’ll have to do something about his table manners sooner rather than later, particularly before he’ll be expected to eat with the rest of the students his age, but for now he’s just pleased to see him eating his fill.

They stop for the night in a small town from which they’ll continue on foot in the morning. They’re close enough to Cloud Recesses now that the journey won’t take too long, and Lan Qiren would like to use the bit of extra time they’ll spend on the road to begin teaching Wei Ying the things he’ll need to know to begin living in their home.

Barring the unintentional discipline incident, Lan Qiren has seen little of the behavioral differences Healer Xingfu had warned him to watch for. That all changes almost as soon as they step foot on the docks of the town they’re stopping in.

It’s not so different from the docks in Yunmeng at first glance, but it’s still somewhere new, and while Xichen and Wangji are accustomed to traveling by now - and have in fact seen this town once or twice whether or not they remember it - and are therefore fine in new places as long as they’re not left alone too long, it’s immediately clear that Wei Ying doesn’t have the same ability to be at ease somewhere he doesn’t know like the back of his hand like he does Yunmeng.

It’s equally clear, however, that he’s not used to being soothed when he’s afraid.

That he is afraid isn’t even a question - he keeps his hands tucked under his arms and his shoulders hunched as he walks at Wangji’s side, darting furtive glances around at every person who passes them by. But though he seems perfectly eager to hold Wangji’s hand whenever necessary to offer him his support and comfort, he makes no move to reach out and receive the same treatment in return. It’s not until Lan Qiren himself steps forward to rest a hand on the back of his head that Wei Ying relaxes enough to stand up straight and tip his head back to look up at him with those wide, shockingly silver eyes of his.

“We will not linger here long,” Lan Qiren informs him steadily. “We are resting here through the night so we may continue our travel in the morning. You do not need to be afraid.”

Wei Ying nods and faces forward again, and after a long moment Lan Qiren feels his tiny hand curl into a fist in the skirt of his outer robe, keeping him at the boy’s side. A minor victory, but the situation on the whole only worsens when they reach the inn. They’re met almost immediately by the innkeeper - the town is small enough that three Lan cultivators passing through creates something of a stir so the man is already waiting for them as they approach - and Wei Ying bodily flinches back from the man’s attention when it turns to him. Lan Qiren says nothing, mostly because he’s suddenly realizing he may be out of his depth with this after all, and just gathers Wei Ying closer to his side so the boy can bury his face in the side of his thigh. He spends roughly three seconds trying to figure out how he’s going to walk like that before he relents and bends down to just scoop Wei Ying up into his arms again like he had the previous night on the way back to Lotus Pier. Wei Ying promptly burrows in and clings, trembling like the most delicate of flower blossoms in a spring storm.

Lan Qiren doesn’t know exactly what happened to make him so afraid of being spoken to by an innkeeper, but he doesn’t have to. He can make enough inferences and assumptions from what little he knows of Wei Ying’s life to piece together a few possibilities, and none of them are reassuring. He instructs the innkeeper that they’ll be taking their evening meal in their room rather than in the main dining area, and if Wangji and Xichen are confused by the change in their usual pattern of eating amongst others when they travel, then they’re tactful enough not to mention it in public.

The three of them troop upstairs - with Wei Ying still hiding in Lan Qiren’s shoulder - and retire to a room outfitted simply and economically with a pair of beds, a table, and little else. Lan Qiren sits on the edge of one of the beds to try to coax Wei Ying out, but in the end it takes Wangji stepping forward to reach out and curl his fingers around Wei Ying’s tightly-clenched fist to get him to let go, and even then it’s still the work of a few more minutes of quiet encouragements from both Lan Qiren and Xichen paired with Wangji’s steady presence to get Wei Ying calmed down enough to stand on his own two feet.

Another small victory, for which Lan Qiren is grateful.

After their dinner is finished and extra blankets and pillows have been brought, Lan Qiren decides he’s going to have to stop trying to count the victories where socializing Wei Ying is concerned, or at least stop letting his guard down after each one.

As Xichen and Wangji remove their ribbons with their usual care and begin coming their hair for bed, he watches Wei Ying look around the space and promptly snag the pillow nearest him and dart over to lie down on the floor in the corner of the room diagonally opposite from the door.

“Wei Ying,” he calls, this time careful to keep his voice perfectly neutral to hopefully avoid making the boy feel that he’s being chastised. “What are you doing?”

“Xichen-gege said it’s time for sleep,” he replies, sounding nonplussed. “Oh...Right,” he adds guiltily, taking the pillow out from under his head and going up on his knees to place it back on the bed he’d snatched it from - and then he returns to his corner with nothing but a pout that he seems to be trying to hide.

“A-Ying, you’re sharing one of the beds with A-Zhan,” Xichen says gently. “You do not have to sleep on the floor.”

Lan Qiren takes a slow, silent deep breath in to help him attempt to tamp down the confusing whirl of emotions in his chest. Wei Ying looks shocked to be told such a thing, as if the idea that he would be expected - allowed - to sleep in a bed is so unbelievable that he hadn’t even considered it as a possibility, let alone the reality. Add to that the fact that rather than asking he had immediately assigned himself to the floor, and had resigned himself to doing it without pillow or blanket to soften the hardwood, and Lan Qiren is not alright.

He’s not alright.

He has to tuck it away for the children’s sake and he will, of course he will - but the weight of the last few years suddenly seems so heavy on his shoulders, and somehow it’s seeing Wei Ying attempting to navigate a world that has been nothing but cruel to him that has suddenly made him realize just how tired he is.

He watches Wangji - who has been utterly silent and solemn ever since the day he was informed he would no longer be able to visit his mother; who doesn’t yet understand death but understands that people he trusts can leave him forever - walk over and take gentle hold of Wei Ying’s arm to usher him over to the bed further from the door. And he watches Xichen, as kindly and gently as ever, pile their bed with all the extra blankets and pillows that had been brought in for them and watch attentively until Wei Ying sinks into the soft pile of it like he can hardly believe what he’s feeling.

And if, after the candles are blown out and the night is quiet, a few tears slide down his temples just before he follows the children into sleep, at least none of the boys are awake to see him.

----

When Lan Qiren wakes the following morning in the deep blue of pre-dawn, he glances over at the bed on the other side of the room only to frown in confusion. Something about it doesn’t look quite right, but it takes a moment for his waking mind to catch up to what it is. There’s only one figure in the bed, and it’s Wangji.

He has a few breathless moments to hope that he’ll be able to find Wei Ying before either of the other boys wake up, but they’re just as good about their sleep schedules as he could ever hope for and within moments Wangji is sitting up to scrub at his eyes while Xichen is doing the same beside him. Lan Qiren watches as Wangji pauses and then glances down at Wei Ying’s empty spot beside him and he’s already standing by the time Wangji begins frantically pawing through the blankets as if he’ll find Wei Ying hiding in the pile of them.

As Lan Qiren begins lighting the candles around the room again to aid in their search, he decides that when they get back to Cloud Recesses none of them are leaving it again for a long, long time. He’s had quite enough of losing children in unfamiliar places for a while, and Wei Ying will need time to acclimate to life on the mountain anyway. There’s nothing that Xichen needs to know about running the sect and diplomacy with the other sect leaders that he can’t learn just as well from books and careful study of discussion conferences that are held in their home. There’s no need to keep trotting him around to the various cities, and certainly no need for Wangji and Wei Ying to come along. No more misplacing children, he’s had enough.

“Xichen, keep Wangji here, I will go look for Wei Ying and return soon,” he instructs as he puts on his outer robes more quickly than he thinks he ever has before. He’s out the door immediately after, heading downstairs to search for an innkeeper or a servant or anyone who could possibly be of help. The place is absolutely silent and still at this time of morning and he sighs, the only outward sign of frustration that he’s willing to allow in public even if he is utterly alone. He looks quickly around the public space of the inn but finds neither head nor tail of Wei Ying and so he steps outside next into the back courtyard containing the stables. A quick scan of the stables themselves as well as all the possible hiding spaces around the exterior of the building yield him nothing, and a more thorough check reveals the same - nothing.

The world comes awake around him as he searches, the dawn filling the sky with streaks of pink and gold and a lovely powdery blue. Mist drifts up from the dew-jeweled grass, and birds begin twittering in the trees. It’s a beautiful morning, the sort that always sets his heart and mind at ease, but Lan Qiren has never felt less capable of appreciating it than he does now. He’s only glad of the golden light of the sun in that it will help him find Wei Ying in case he’s trying to hide in one of the deep shadows that are quickly lightening into shades of blue-gray rather than deep black where it would be far too easy for a small child to hide.

He’s aware of each minute that passes as he searches and it’s doubly stressful in that he needs to find Wei Ying but he can’t abandon Wangji and Xichen to their own devices for too long, not in a strange town in an inn full of people they don’t know. It’s the thought of either of them venturing downstairs and finding further trouble that spurs him to return to the inn, his eyes seeking out every little flash of movement he sees in the hopes that it’s Wei Ying as he goes.

He makes it all the way back to their room without even a hint of success, but when he opens the door all the fight goes out of him. In the new sunlight streaming through the windows at the back of the room he can see, clearly silhouetted, a huddled form under the bed on which Wangji and Xichen are stiffly perched in a poor imitation of meditation.

“Xichen, Wangji,” he says and the boys give up on their pretense instantly to hurry to their feet and join him, their nearly identical gazes frightened as they look up at him. “He is under the bed you shared with him, Wangji,” Lan Qiren says with a gesture that Wangji immediately follows, eyes wide as he turns. “Go check on him to make sure he is unharmed.”

Lan Qiren lifts his arm to wrap it around Xichen’s shoulders when the boy tentatively wraps his arms around his waist and he holds him steady as Wangji approaches the bed to kneel down (Lan Qiren tries and fails not to let it remind him of how many times he’s caught the boy kneeling outside the empty Jingshi) and then bend further to reach one small arm beneath the bed and poke at Wei Ying’s huddled form.

There’s a bit of sleepy mumbling and then a quick rustle followed by a thud that makes even Lan Qiren wince slightly.

“Oh dear,” Xichen tuts in quiet sympathy.

“Ow,” Wei Ying whines from the shadowed hollow under the bed and Wangji leans further in to keep reaching for him. “A-Zhan? Are you okay? What’s wrong? You look scared again! Did you have nightmares last night too?”

Lan Qiren can’t quite resist raising his hand to pinch the bridge of his nose in a rare show of emotion, his eyes shut as Wei Ying keeps tossing yes or no questions at Wangji to try to figure out what’s going on. Xichen finally takes pity on them both and steps away from Lan Qiren’s side to join Wangji in coaxing Wei Ying out from under the bed and informing him - very kindly - that they were worried for him and that that’s why Wangji looks so scared.

And Wei Ying laughs. Lan Qiren opens his eyes again to find that his nephews have finally succeeded in getting Wei Ying out into the open, where he stands hunched in on himself and laughing, but it only takes one glance at his face to see that he doesn’t think it’s funny. He’s nervous, and Lan Qiren realizes abruptly that he must have inherited his mother’s tendency to laugh at anything and everything, whether it was appropriate for the situation or not.

Thankfully the laughter is cut off abruptly by Wangji locking his arms around Wei Ying’s bony frame in a vice grip, clearly relieved to have found him again, and once again Lan Qiren is viscerally reminded that at just seven years old both of these boys know far too much about what it means to be left behind. Forever.

The vague notions he had been entertaining of having Wei Ying taken care of by another family upon reaching Cloud Recesses are immediately set quietly aside to make room for his new acceptance that he will be raising three children, none of whom are his own but all of whom he’s prepared to love as if they were. Of course he’s had much longer with his nephews and so he already has plenty of practice in this, but it’s not difficult at all to imagine folding Wei Ying into their strange unit as well.

The elders are going to have a field day.