#it’s no longer a scary cloud that depends on others to notice me and tell me what to do

[nohoney]

Eyes lit

notes: Artist Keigo is something I did not know I needed until I made my own dumb paintings lol. Title credit from Crimewave by Crystal Castles 

characters: Hawks/Keigo Takami

warnings: 18+, artist!Hawks, drug use, minor choking

summary:

You see swirls of purples and greens forming spirals that you’ve never thought of before, dancing like glitter being blown in the wind and then suddenly you see white. You’re thinking in tones of purples and pinks, they pulse and shine against a wall of white and now you’re thinking of Valentine’s day.

The blanket is pulled from over your head and you look up into golden honey eyes, they look even brighter and you swear that they glow as you look up into them. “You having fun under there babe?”

I’m not an artist, I don’t know how to paint. You told him, intimidated initially when you walked into his apartment and saw a box of paints along with two small easels. The only painting you’ve done was just with your fingers back in elementary school when you were a child, how were you supposed to paint alongside someone who’s a fucking art major who’s got a whole portfolio to backup his experience? But Keigo eased your worries, told you that there’s no need to be intimidated at all.

“You don’t have to worry at all about being good or anything like that dove. The trip will tell you what to paint.”

“It’s gonna look like shit when the trip is over Keigo.”

“Don’t say that dove, art is subjective. Trust me, when you’re on you won’t care as much.” He touches the small of your back and leads you towards the dinner table, “And besides, you might really like what you make in the end.”

“I don’t know what I want to paint.”

“The trip will tell you what to paint, you’ll see.”

Keigo has you sit down to eat first, just takeout pizza from a nearby restaurant along with some breadsticks. Barbecue chicken with a side of ranch, he doesn’t like pepperoni pizza at all. His first choice was fried chicken or wings but that’s damn near what you eat with him almost all the time so this is his compromise. He’s got a little basket of snacks and candy on his kitchen countertop, prepared ahead of time for tonight along with a plastic container of red and green grapes already washed.

“I don’t like grapes Keigo.”

“Trust me, you’ll be grateful to those grapes when you’re on dove.”

He brought out a plastic baggie from his fridge and set out the contents of it onto a wooden chopping board, watching as he broke up the small pieces carefully with a knife. You heard that acid comes in forms of little blotter paper or that people put a drop of it into sugar cubes and dissolve it in water to micro dose someone. Keigo cuts two pieces of what look like little window panes, very small fragments and when you inspect them closer, it almost looks as if there’s little gold flakes inside the gelatin.

“When will I know it’s kicking in?” you ask him, looking down at the tiny piece that sits in the palm of your hand. Such a small little thing that’s apparently a strong hallucinogenic, Keigo’s told you before that he’s felt his sensations cross over like hearing colors or seeing sounds. You had no idea what he spoke of but the best way to find out is to give it a try. “How long will it take?”

Keigo’s fixing up the easels in front of the couch, has blankets ready and is putting a video playlist up on his television. “Depends on the person but most of the time it tends to kick in after half an hour or so. You’ll know when you’re on, you’ll see it.” he explains.

You look around Keigo’s apartment, paintings he made himself hung up on the walls of his home. Most of his paintings were done sober but he’s got a few framed up that he’s particularly proud of that he made when he went on acid trips. He’s already such an amazing artist, certain pictures on his walls capturing your attention and invoking particular emotions from you. You’ve seen Keigo color match your sweater in just a mere manner of seconds, sampling little bits of paints and combining them until the hues matched exactly what you were wearing. And there’s you, just a mere amateur when it came to the arts. But Keigo assures you again that it’s not about making something ‘good’, it’s just there for you to have fun with it. He’s got canvases of all shapes and sizes for you to work with and that even though he’ll be on too, he’s definitely going to take care of you for your first trip.

You trust Keigo, it’s just the canvases and the paints that make you nervous.

He stands in front of you, smiling gently before leaning down to kiss you. His lips are soft, just a hint of vanilla you taste off his mouth because you let him borrow your chapstick earlier, and it’s so tender the way he holds your cheek in his hand that your heart flutters in your chest and butterflies tickle the inside of your tummy. You feel a little flustered when he pulls back, blonde hair swept back stylishly and a lazy grin on his face as he holds his own tab in between his fingertips.

“Cheers!”

The little tab goes underneath your tongue and you’re just supposed to wait for it to dissolve.

So Keigo puts on the playlist and the two of you talk for a little bit before moving to the art stations. “Choose whatever colors you want dove, choose the colors that you think will speak to you.”

You squeeze certain colors you think you want to work with into your little plastic palette, making sure to shake the bottles first and filling all the little spaces that’s meant to hold the paint. Keigo easily chooses the paints he knows he’s going to work with to start himself off and sets himself in front of his easel. He wears a simple red hoodie and gray sweats, comfortable loungewear for the next few hours and you’d be lying if you said that you didn’t notice the print of his cock sometimes when he swiveled his hips a certain way. You wear pajamas pants and one of your soft sweaters, a gentle shade of lilac, perfect for keeping you warm on this rainy night.

You know you’ll be exhausted by the end of it, deciding to take acid for the first time overnight but at least you’ll have the next two days to recover.

And you’ll have Keigo as well.

He makes easy conversation with you, talking about how his week was and in turn asking how yours was. You look down at the paints in your palette as you talk back and forth with him, forcing yourself to not wonder how much time has passed. Your phone is by the kitchen table, placed face down so that you don’t obsess over the time so you try to measure the amount of time has passed based on the time of the videos playing on the television. Yet you start to care less about the time as you actually start to get caught up in the paints in front of you, experimenting and pleasantly surprised with how you came up with such a pretty violet color. You point it out to Keigo, stupidly excited over it but he smiles and agrees with you. “Such a pretty color dove, but not as pretty as you.”

His words make the butterflies flutter in your stomach again but you say nothing, turning back to your canvas and picking up a brush. For a few minutes you just stare back and forth between the paint and the white canvas, wondering how you should start off. Keigo obviously sees you concentrating too hard and reminds you, “Don’t think about it too hard, just paint and see what happens.”

Okay... so in other words, just do it.

So you take a deep breath, dip your brush in the paint, and make a single stripe at the very top edge of the canvas.

“See? Not so scary.”

“Y-Yeah, it’s not!” You squeak out, still embarrassed but a little less intimidated now that you actually started it. You’re not exactly sure what you’ll do with it but there’s no harm in just winging it.

Hm... wings...

You glance over to Keigo, one of his sleeves rolled up and his tattoo visible on his forearm. It’s a detailed wing on his forearm inked in only black, the very tip of it extended towards his elbow and he’s got a matching one on his other forearm as well. You remember the first time you saw them and how Keigo let you run your fingers over his tattoo, watching in amusement over how fascinated you were.

Back to your canvas, you see the sheen of the fresh paint on the white canvas and decide to add more to it. Maybe you’ll get inspired the more you add to it, thinking what colors compliment violet and what exactly you could create. Over the next few minutes you just continue painting the violet further onto the surface of the canvas, looking down briefly at the black paint that’s also in your palette and wonder if you could try painting a mountain. You recall plenty of times looking up at the sky when you were done hiking and just in awe of the colors of the sunset, hues of purples and reds and orange that invoked a certain feeling in your chest.

A sunset... a sunset!

Easy enough yeah?

You just have to add red, orange, yellow, probably a touch of blue... some clouds would be nice too.

So you spread more of the purple across the canvas, concentrating hard at first before realizing something. “Keigo?”

“Yes dove?”

“I think my painting is breathing.”

Keigo laughs from his side and you feel his hand ruffle your hair affectionately.

You look hard at your canvas and swear that you can see the paint inhale and exhale, the veins of the paint pulse in the painting. Wait... veins? You don’t remember painting anything like that, all you did was just cover part of the canvas to get you started. The longer you stare at the canvas, you swear that you can see the paint drip down slightly, the canvas inflating and deflating, and hidden designs on the untouched parts of the white canvas.

The acid had finally hit.

“Keigo... I think I’m on.” you say as you dip your brush into the water cup to wash off the violet, this time into the yellow paint and haphazardly brushing it onto the canvas before switching over to the bright red without washing off the yellow. You think how powerful the color red is, how strong and overpowering it is on the canvas and you tell Keigo, “I think you’d look gorgeous with red wings Keigo.”

Keigo is concentrated on his own canvas but he does glance over to you and smiles how you’re suddenly so into painting when you were so reluctant at first when you walked into his studio. He watches you blend the red into the yellow, wondering what exactly is inspiring you and what your finished product will be. “Ah how interesting dove, you comparing me to an angel?”

“Angel wings are white, I said your wings would be red.”

“Why red?”

You shrug your shoulders as you brush some blue onto the violet on the top of the canvas, blending the blue and violet together. “I don’t know, just suits you a lot... I wore wings last year, I was an angel last year for Halloween.”

“You dressed like an angel last year for Halloween, you certainly didn’t act like one.”

Suddenly the memory of last year’s Halloween comes rushing to the front of your memory and you begin to giggle, needing to set your brush down and have your little giggle fit; he was very right, drunk shenanigans in your angelic costume while holding White Russians with your friends surfacing to your mind. You don’t know why you’re so amused but you are, leaning back against the couch and curling yourself into a ball. You pull the blanket over your shoulders, pulling the bottom corners into your lap and you look down in awe. You swear that even though you’re sitting still, the blanket looks like it’s pulsing as well and you can see the small fibers of it sticking out from the surface. You can’t help but pick at one and hold it in between your fingertips, staring for a few seconds before releasing it.

Moving to lie on your side, you press your cheek into the couch cushion and stare at the painting you just started. It looks weird right now, purple on top with yellow and red in the middle but you’re determined that you’re going to paint that sunset!

You look over towards Keigo, seeing that he started off his canvas a golden yellow at first and is brushing a crimson red on top of it as well. It sort of reminds you of fire and you wonder what he’s seeing. You pull the blanket over your head, sheltering you from the bright lights of the room and you stare at your own hands right in front of your face. Every line and wrinkle is moving, like they’re switching places on you and you ‘ooh’ quietly. When you shut your eyes, it’s not a straight darkness you see like when you close your eyes and go to bed. You see swirls of purples and greens forming spirals that you’ve never thought of before, dancing like glitter being blown in the wind and then suddenly you see white. You’re thinking in tones of purples and pinks, they pulse and shine against a wall of white and now you’re thinking of Valentine’s day.

The blanket is pulled from over your head and you look up into golden honey eyes, they look even brighter and you swear that they glow as you look up into them. “You having fun under there babe?” Keigo asks you, clearly amused to have looked back and saw you as just a lump under his blanket. “Yeah, looks like you’re having fun.”

“Hehehe... yeah.” you smile up at him, pushing some of your hair back from your face. You look as he presents a single red grape to you, drops of water still on it to let you know that it had just been washed and while grapes weren’t your favorite fruit to eat, somehow they looked so appetizing in that moment. You open your mouth and Keigo places the fruit into your mouth, chomping down and it’s so juicy and firm and crunches so loud in your head that you moan as you chew.

Delicious, it’s delicious!

Keigo feeds you grapes every so often, whether you’re sitting in front of your canvas to continue painting, looking at the television and the visuals presented along with the music, get up to look at his other paintings that you think are whispering or waving to you, or when you decide to just stare at the tapestry he hung up in front of his balcony. You understand why tie dye is so appealing to look at now, you know for sure it’s not the wind making the tapestry move, the colors waving at you and you try to reach into the tapestry, your fingertips just barely grasping the colors in front of you.

“How long has it been Keigo?” you ask as you continue to look at the tapestry.

“It’s almost eleven, so it’s been three hours since we took it.”

Wow, three hours...

You’re not sure how the passage of time is feeling for you, everything is looking warped and you suppose that your sense of time is included in that as well.

You feel hands under your armpits and your lifted up to your feet, leaning back and touching the arms that hold you securely. The tattooed wings on Keigo’s forearm, the feathers look as if they’re rustled, they look like they need to be preened. It’s important for birds to preen their feathers so that their wings look presentable. “Okay dove, time for a bathroom break. Think you’ll need my help?”

No, you’re a big girl, of course you can go to the bathroom yourself.

Though you do have to ask Keigo to hold your hand, looking down at the floor and not trusting your own feet. It’s like you’re looking through a fish eye lens, like the floor seems so much wider and closer to you. Keigo says something to you when he drops you off at the bathroom but you don’t hear him, humming absently and you close the door. You do your business and wash your hands, using the nearby hand towel to dry off your hands and then you look up at the mirror.

You lean forward and inspect your pupils, they’re blown up and you think you can see shifting colors in your iris. You really are on, pulling back and inspecting your reflection. Now you feel like you’re caught, not sure if you recognize the person who’s looking back at you and... and... is the shower curtain moving towards you? Is that really you in the mirror? Your hair is never this mussed up and the color of your shirt you always liked before but why did it look so weird on you now?

“Dove, I’m coming in.” Keigo announces and slowly pushes open the door so that he doesn’t catch you in any indecent state. But he sees you just staring intently at your reflection and just comes up behind you, pressing his front to your back and tilting your head back to look at him. “Ah got caught looking at yourself in the mirror huh? S’alright, the first time I did acid apparently I spent a half hour just looking at my own reflection too.”

His eyes are the color of honey and you think you can suddenly taste it in your mouth, you imagine it. “Your eyes are pretty.”

“You’re pretty.”

But you shake your head at the compliment and ask, “Did I always look so weird Keigo?” you ask him, reaching one hand up and brushing the tips of your fingers along his stubble.

“No you never look weird, you’re always so cute.” he reassures you, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose. “Go back to the living room, lemme have my bathroom break and I’ll join you in a hot minute.”

“Don’t fall in the mirror.” you say absently as you walk out the bathroom and shut the door. You hold onto anything you can to help balance you, the floorboards beneath your feet look as if they’re trying to trip you up but you manage on your own to make your way back to your spot on the couch, staring at your unfinished painting.

What... what was I making again?

Violet, blue, red, yellow... oh yeah, the sunset.

Keigo really was right when he said that trip would decide what you would paint.

You don’t hear the bathroom door open but you look up as Keigo comes into your vision and ask, “How do I make clouds?”

“How do you mean? Like how clouds are made in the sky? Well you see clouds are made of water droplets that are so small that they’re able to stay in the air. You see the water vapor-” Keigo starts on what you know is a very educational lecture on clouds but you stop him with a whine, pointing to your canvas. “Oh... oh! You want to know how to paint clouds. Haha, sorry dove!”

Keigo makes himself comfortable right behind you, your bodies once again pressed to one another as he hands you the palette of paint and picks up a different paint brush has you hold it in your own hand but he covers it with his own; you’ll hold the brush while he controls your movements. So he dips the paint brush in the white paint, also adding in a touch of red that almost makes it pink and you gasp. It’s not gonna go together! you think but Keigo hushes you, tells you to just trust him. And although you’re watching how he dabs the paintbrush onto your canvas, you’re not really perceiving the process. One minute it’s a messy slate of purple, yellow and red and then boom suddenly there are clouds that actually create a picture. “Ah you were trying to make a sunset, I can see why you wanted to paint clouds. Very creative, I’m proud of you!”

“I did that?”

“You did!”

He praises you as if you were a child doing it for the first time... though you actually are painting for the first time and honestly it actually is coming out pretty nice, though it’s only thanks to the help of Keigo. So you look back at him, pressing your lips against briefly and whisper out, “Thank you.”

Returning back to his canvas, you decide that you can continue painting on your own. You close your eyes and try to remember any memory that contains a sunset, whether it was through your own eyes or perhaps looking at images on the internet. You try your hardest, your mind producing more interesting shapes and patterns of colors that almost distract you but you’re going to pain that sunset damn it! So you blend the colors on the canvas, adding in more tones of violet and purple towards the bottom to cover up the blank spots. You thought about adding in a mountain or some trees but you feel that’s much too advanced for you to attempt, though you know that you can ask Keigo again but he already helped you once. Now you were determined to do another by yourself.

You ask if you can have another canvas and Keigo gets up to the little pile of untouched ones. When he hands you one and ask if it’s a good size, it’s a question you can really answer because the way he holds it out to you makes it seem to long. And realizing that your perception is altering the way you look at the canvas, he holds it upright for you and you ask for something a little bigger.

Carefully setting aside the sunset painting... whoa it’s like the clouds are really moving!

Focus.

You set up the new blank canvas in front of you, wondering what to make next.

“Ah I almost forgot, I got this for you too while I was at the craft store.” Keigo tells you as he brings up the box paints, holding out a tube of-

“Ooooh... glitter.” you awe at the opalescent colors, holding it against the light to see sheens of white and pink and purple. You’re not sure if it’s the acid or not but it looks extra pretty and you shake the little tube in your hand.

“Have fun with it just uh... make sure to not get too messy.”

You could imagine such pretty colors like the stars and them falling into your eyes... oh, you could make a starry night for your next painting. So you enthusiastically brush more violet and blue onto the new canvas along with a touch of black to make a dark sky. The canvas breathes at you and you think that the more color you add to it, you think you can hear it sigh in relief. You blend it all together and wonder what else you could add to it. You drift to the palette and zero in on the white paint, exchanging your current paint brush for a smaller one, dipping it into the white paint and just making little dots here and there to represent the stars. Then you open the tube of fine glitter and you’re particularly giddy; your painting is going to be amazing, it’s going to look exactly like the night sky... no even better! It’ll be like the cosmos!

You must have been a little overzealous with the glitter on your painting because Keigo nudges a towel just right underneath your easel and you feel him pat down your feet.

Careful with the edges of the painting since it’s still wet, you gently shake off any of the excess glitter and then lean back to really inspect it. In the moment it really looks like a beautiful starry sky and you think that you can literally see shooting stars in it, so sparkly and pretty in the moment. You pull the blanket back over your body and crawl your way to Keigo’s side of the couch, sitting behind him and perching your chin atop his shoulder. Weird, you could have sworn that when he first started painting he started off with yellow and red, he’s painting over it with blue and green now. “Keigo, what are you painting?”

“I don’t know. I started off thinking about fire at first and then all of a sudden I just started putting green and blue together... I think I might have been either thinking about the ocean or the forest... I forget.” Keigo explains, still not stopping his paint brush over the surface. You guess that even artists start off sometimes nonsensical too and that they don’t always have a clear idea how their end product might come out. But you still admire it anyway, reaching your hand out and loosely holding onto his wrist. His arms look even longer from where you’re looking and yet he’s sitting so close to his painting at the same time.

Perception sure is a strange thing when you’re on.

He smells nice, pressing your nose into his neck and breathing in his cologne, humming in delight and pressing yourself even closer to him.

Now you’re not exactly the bold type, every once in a while you’ve decided to make the first move but most of the time you let others give you the signal first before you flirt back. Already you and Keigo have been seeing each other for a few weeks, a few dates here and there but you’ve yet to progress anything spicier than a few make outs and maybe some teasing touches. So it comes as a surprise to him when you drag a hand down from his chest and let it rest in between his spread legs, groaning when you lick the shell of his ear and nibble on it. “B-Babe... we’re supposed to be... to be...”

“Painting? That canvas isn’t the only thing you can paint Keigo.” you whisper in his ear, feeling for his cock in his gray sweats and pleased that you can feel that he’s getting hard. You form your hand over his cock and stroke it through the sweats while your other hand drags over his arm, still stretched out towards the painting but now his arm is tense. “For example... you can paint me with your cum. Inside or out, I’ll let the artist decide.”

Keigo sets down his paint brush and his palette before tugging you to his bed.

It’s dark in his room when he shuts the door but you’re quickly put on the surface of his bed. You can hear him fiddling around somewhere in the corner of the room and then red light fills the room, it’s pretty basic of him to own those strip lights seeing as you’ve had more than a few friends decorate their room with it too but now isn’t the time to critique the mood lighting. You do have to wonder why the color red, why not just put on the regular ceiling lights?

He’s on you once the lights are on, pulling off your pajama bottoms and setting them to the side for the time being. Spreading your legs open, Keigo starts off with kissing the inside of your thighs and slowly goes up higher. Your panties are still on but you moan softly when he kisses your pussy through the cotton, then it’s up to your belly button, pushing your sweater up along with the soft bra you decided to wear tonight as stops to pay attention to your breasts, nipples perked up to the cold air along with the way Keigo flicks his tongue over them. While he sucks hickies onto your breasts, you run your hand through his hair and look up at the ceiling, you think you can hear the flap of a bird’s wings and think something flutters from the corner of your eye. “K-Keigo... is it okay for us to do this while we’re on?”

“You’re safe babe, I’m here.” he assures you as he helps tug off your sweater over your head. “Just focus on me, I’ve done this before.”

Oh great, he didn’t just allude that he’s fucked other people on acid before did he?

Keigo seems to catch his choice of words and grinds his clothed cock against your panties and gives you an apologetic smile. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I just mean that sometimes sex on acid can be a precarious thing to engage in, I just wanna let you know that I got you.” he presses the pad of his thumb where he guesses your clit is. “You trust me yeah?”

Yeah, I do.

“How about a little art lesson for ya? That’ll help get you in the mood and you’ll learn something interesting.” Keigo takes off his sweats and his underwear, leaving you the only one who’s almost naked in the room. The music still plays from the living room, smooth guitar and easy beats still reach your ears. “You wanna know why I made the lights red? Red provokes the strongest emotion and is considered the warmest and most contradictory of the colors. Can you tell me some things you think of when you think of the color red?”

Apples, firetrucks, blood.

“Red is one of the most visible colors in the spectrum, its the kind of color that’s an attention grabber which is why it’s used to warn people of danger. Red can convey a sense of danger,” Keigo explains this while he pets you through your panties, it’s almost leisurely the way he does it but he can see how you quiver underneath his touch. “but it’s also associated with excitement, that even sometimes just being exposed to the color can cause elevated blood pressure and heart rate.”

Your heart rate is certainly up right now and it’s not just because of the acid.

You feel Keigo pull your panties to the side and easily glide a finger in but he wants something in return as well, “Spit in your hand and stroke my cock.”

As you stroke Keigo and he gently fingers you, he continues on about his lesson on the color red. “So along with danger, excitement, there’s also aggression and dominance. There’s not exactly a clear reason why red is associated with dominance, maybe it just goes hand in hand with feeling aggressive, perhaps also representing power as well.”

“K-Kei... please get to the point!” you whine, sitting up with one hand braced on the bed while the other continues to stroke him. He’s added another finger and you notice that he’s put a little bit more vigor in his actions. “Please won’t you just-”

“Most of all though, my little bird,” Keigo continues over you but you can take a guess where this ‘art lesson’ is going by the way his lips quirk up and how is voice drops. “red is also linked to passion, love, and desire, that it’s apparently a very attractive color. You remember what color you wore the first time we met?”

“You... you saying that you only liked me ‘cause I was wearing red?” you ask, a breathy laugh leaving your lips but then whine as Keigo strokes your g-spot and you almost dropped back onto the bed but he’s quick to catch you. He quickly pulls his fingers out of you and winds it around your waist to pull you flush against him and settles you in his lap, your hand trapped between your bodies but you continue to jerk his cock despite the limited space.

Keigo chuckles along with you, leaning down to press a kiss to your neck and give you a gentle bite. “Aha I’m just teasing you dove, it was your cute face I saw first and besides, you weren’t wearing a red shirt when we first met... You were wearing red panties, I remember seeing them when you bent over in that short little black dress.”

“You’re embarrassing.” you mumble, adjusting yourself so that you hover over his cock, slapping the head of it against your clit. “And that wasn’t an art lesson, that was more like color psychology.”

“You still learned something, did you not?”

You cup Keigo’s cheeks in your hands, kissing him briefly and pull back to tell him, “I’m not looking to learn anything except how your cock feels inside me.”

So you brace your arms around Keigo’s shoulders, sighing as he eases himself into you slowly. His hands hold your ass, gently lifting you off his cock and then easing you down again to take him further, repeating the process until his girth was sheathed all the way inside you. You gasp together, you at his size and him at your tightness, hands all over each other and you’re wondering where his body begins and yours ends. Whatever other cocks you had inside you before, they’ve never felt like this when they first entered you.

And then the two of you are moving in sync with one another, holding each other’s gaze, just barely able to see the reflection of each other in your blown out pupils. You can’t really see the honey gold of his eyes thanks to the lights but you you think you can taste it still, every time you just taste that sweet nectar when you look into Keigo’s eyes. It must mean how sweet he is, that must be why his eyes are colored like that.

He’s sweet like honey.

Again, you hear the flap of a bird’s wings even though you know the bedroom window isn’t open.

It’s slow and sensual at first, sex on acid is something more heightened, something indescribable behind the sensations as you lean back slightly to roll your hips while you meet Keigo’s thrusts. Your hands locked behind his neck and your head lolling back, a sensual sigh from you when you feel a hand go to your throat. A breathy ‘yes’ spills from your lips as the pads of the fingers carefully press at the sides of your neck; feels good, feels so good...

Suddenly you’re pushed onto your back, gasping in surprise at first and then uninhibited moans as he viciously fucks you. And what can you do but take it, take all of it, peering at him through the haze of pleasure and the peak of your high when you see it.

Bright red wings spreading from Keigo’s back, brighter than the lights, the feathers ruffle and seem to groan alongside him, he’s losing himself in this carnal moment, bracing himself over you and the wings coming forward as well. You feel floaty, almost as if the wings are carrying you themselves, you think you can feel feathers tickle your skin while Keigo’s hands have your hands pinned above your head, your ankles locking just right above his buttocks.

It feels like the sex is lasting forever, that as fast and hard Keigo pumps into you it feels never ending. In truth you don’t know how much time has actually passed, just that the passage of time seems longer. But it feels good, you feel one with Keigo and even just the slightest clench of your fingers intertwined with his feels even more intimate. His panting, your whimpers, the music, the lights, the flapping of the wings, and you crying out his name.

Even as you clench your eyes shut, swirling patterns of hues of red dance behind your eyelids. They seem to move in time with Keigo’s tempo, every slap of his hips connecting with your body, they respond accordingly. You feel one of his hands drawn down from your neck, past your breasts, giggling when he goes over your belly button, and groan when he plays with your clit.

He praises you, tells you how good you’re doing even though you’re just lying there and taking it, you try to participate by rolling your hips up to meet his but his power is just too overwhelming. “Kei... Kei... go, it feels so good...!”

You wriggle your other hand free from his and pull him down, practically hugging him and bringing him even closer, eyes shut hard as he goes into double time. His face is pushed into your neck, breathing hard into it and you think you can hear his wings flapping even harder. His hands hold your waist, just lifting you up slightly so that your back slightly arches.

Soft skin against rough hands.

“Where you going to paint your cum Keigo?” you ask, your lips just barely brushing against the shell of his ear. “All over my face? My tits? Maybe... even turn me around and blow it all over my back?”

“Fuck! Keep talking like that! ’M gonna cum dove... I’m gon’a cum!”

You push him back just enough and once again cup his face in your hands, “Look at me when you cum.”

Jittery nods of his head, he’ll absolutely obey anything you want as long as you don’t let him leave inside of you. All over your face would be so nice, your tits even nicer, he hasn’t pulled out to cum on someone’s back in months but fuck when you mention it, it’s so fucking enticing. But nothing beats when it’s oozing out, like ice cream melting on a hot day as it drips so he has to ask you if it’s okay. “Babe... can I paint you inside babe?”

Does an artist even have to ask permission to paint their canvas?

“Yeah... paint me white inside.”

And that’s all permission he needs, a few harsh thrusts and he cums with you, his cum shooting inside you while you gush around him, almost like it’s trying to push him out. But he stays inside you, his visit isn’t over quite yet, he doesn’t want to leave, not when he feels so connected with you.

You catch your breath, blinking your bleary eyes and see all of those red feathers slowly leave Keigo’s back. You don’t know how many there are, maybe two hundred or something like that, but you watch them leave one by one, almost as if they’re each being controlled individually. You think Keigo is the one that’s dismissing the feathers and you reach out towards them; you never got the chance to touch them.

Hands sliding down his back, you express a mild disgust over how sweaty Keigo is, “Ew... take a shower.”

“Only if you come with me.” Keigo chuckles pushing himself off you but wiping at your forehead as well. Geez, you hadn’t even realized you sweated too.

So the two of you stand under the warm shower spray, he lathers his shampoo and conditioner into your hair first, washing it out for you before you return the favor for him. You note how even more intimate this is compared to the sex before, looking up into his eyes and you give each other an endearing smile. The peak has been passed and now the acid will ease off, already things look a little less distorted and the intense distortions don’t feel like they used to when you first started.

“How are my eyes dove? Getting lost in them?” Keigo chuckles but he doesn’t give you a chance to answer, choosing to kiss you instead. “Did you mind that our first time was on acid?”

“No, it was good.” you tell him as you draw a single line on his collarbone with the tip of your finger. “I can’t wait to have regular, sober sex with you.”

“Hehe, I hope it compares well to my first performance.”

“I don’t know,” you singsong to him, “maybe you set the bar too high having first time on acid.”

“Well don’t say that now.”

The two of you laugh together, he playfully pushes your head but pulls you back in for another kiss. The water runs down both of your bodies and you pull back, looking down at the ground. Keigo thinks that you’re looking down at his cock and that you might be up for another round but you look back up at him and ask, “My feet are like a million miles away... have I always been this tall?”

You dry up together and change into clean clothes, returning to the easels and you’re surprised that the television still is playing music from the playlist. After so long without having your phone, you check the time to see that it’s well into two in the morning and it’s no wonder that you feel tired, not just from the sex but how late it was as well.

You curl up onto the couch while Keigo still works on his painting, the last thing you see were your sunset painting alongside the starry night one, the clouds shifting on one and the other still sparkles with shooting stars.

━━━━✧

“Ugh, I told you that they’d look like shit when the trip is over.”

“Don’t say that, they look fantastic.”

You hold up both of their canvases and each hand, looking deadpan at him with tired eyes. “This one looks like I just puked glitter on it and the only part of this one that is good are the clouds that you helped me paint!” you sigh out and look down at each of the paintings. You knew it, you weren’t an artist after all and you had thought that you did such a good job last night.

Keigo takes your starry night painting and brings it over to the sink, banging the edge of it gently a few times to shake off any glitter that didn’t dry on the paint before handing it back to you. “See, now it looks a little less like glitter puke and I have to tell you this dove, but you painted those clouds yourself.”

Huffing at him, you set down the starry night painting and look down at your sunset painting. “Keigo, I know I was on last night but you for sure helped me paint the clouds. I remember that part pretty clearly, don’t try to treat me like I’m a kid and say some bullshit to make me feel better.”

“I helped you get started but I saw that you picked it up on your own and you painted the rest of it yourself, I swear.”

“Keigo-”

He stops you with a soft call of your name and even though the two of you are tired as hell and feel disassociated from your own bodies and personalities, something tugs in your heart that way he says your name. “I’m serious, I helped you start making the clouds but you actually got the hang of it and watched you do it yourself. I told you the trip would tell you what to paint and you did it!”

You still look disbelieving at him, swearing that you thought you felt his hand help you paint last night. But then again, you also thought you saw one of his paintings of a balloon flying away too so maybe he might be telling the truth. It’s a little hard to discern what were your actions that actually happened versus what was in your mind. Much like the wings you thought he sprouted when the two of you had sex.

“Can you just show me yours? I fell asleep before I could see what you made.” He hands you his own canvas and you stare hard at it, looking back and forth between him and the painting in your hands. “Did you make another one last night?”

“Nope, I used that one canvas the entire night.”

“Didn’t you start off painting it with yellow and red? How did you end up with,” you turn the painting around to show him, “painting this?”

Delicate pinks and purples dotted just right to look like wisteria flowers and a big tree trunk in the very center of it. It just wasn’t fair that he was so good at conceptualizing these kinds of things. You have to wonder if he just had a natural talent for it or if it was something he honed over time. Either way, you know he didn’t get that art degree for nothing.

Keigo chuckles and sets aside his painting. “I looked at your sweater last night and thought I saw wisteria flowers sprouting out, I got my inspiration from you. Also you seemed really into the color purple last night so that helped too. Although you did also give me an idea last night too.” he takes your hand in his, pulling you close to him and reaches one hand underneath your shirt, his palm resting on the small of your back. “That whole ‘paint me thing’ you said yesterday... I was wondering if one day you’d let me paint on you?”

You tilt your head to the side, “What do you mean?”

“Like... just let me paint on your body one day. I can get those body friendly paints and just make a picture on you.” Keigo explains with a sheepish smile coming onto his face despite how tired he looks. “It kinda turned on me on last night when you said you wanted me to paint you inside and I just thought ‘well what if I actually did?’ But not with my cum I mean, though I wouldn’t mind that either.“

The thought of laying down for Keigo while he does such a thing, it sounds quite intimate. You look into his eyes, his pupils still a little wide but it’s only a few more hours for the acid to exit your bodies. It was intense last night but you were glad to have done it with Keigo and even though you think the art you did last night is sort of crap now, you can’t deny that it was sort of fun to do it still. 

Your paintings lay to the side, his own stupidly good wisteria painting sitting alongside your glittered starry night and sunset painting. Strange how your eyes perceived everything last night from elongated lengths, the dynamically changing colors you saw when you shut your eyes, you felt everything alive around rather than thinking of the furniture as mere static objects, the red wings and feather you swore you felt against your skin when Keigo fucked his cock into you, everything was beautiful and you couldn’t have asked for a better first time.

You’d like to do it again.

“Can I dove? Can I paint on you one day?”

“... Yeah, I’d like that.”

[jessie-writes-things]

From the Darkness | Part 1

This is a commission from the lovely @grogusmum! I'm so so so sorry for how late this is love! Life got in the way a bit. Originally I was gonna do this as one giant piece, but you've been waiting too long and so I just needed to get something out. This ended up being a bit more soft-angst rather than fluff but I tried my best to balance it out. The next part will be full-on found family fluff though! 🥰

This whole thing stemmed from that throwaway line 'I've spent much time on Tatooine' from The Marshall. Basically, I just liked the idea of Din having a somewhat secret life hidden away there. It gets explained a bit more in the second part, but that's really all the context you need right now. 😅🥰

Pairing: Din Djarin x Neutral Reader

Words: 2.5k

Genre: Found family, fluff, soft angst

Warnings: Star Wars level violence, vague mentions of PTSD/Trauma, nightmares

Summary: Din comes home to Tattooine and you spend the night on the Razor Crest.

You always heard the Razor Crest before you saw it. The loud hum of the clunky engine made you jump every single time and you had always wondered how long it would be until the ship just dropped out the sky.

Your answer came quicker than you thought. It was around midnight when the first signs came, snippets of voices fluttered by like quiet, sleep-laced whispers on the wind.

See you we do! Coming home we are!

Then came the ship barrelling onto the landing pad, and you weren’t dramatic in saying you thought the planet was about to explode; walls rumbling, ground vibrating. Peli had been prompted to spew out a few choice words, stepping outside just as you did to watch the slivers of silver moonlight spring off the ship as it finally settled down.

The landing had been…less than graceful to say the least. The engine sounded worse than you’ve ever heard. One of her feet had been ripped clear off, making her tilt to the side at an unnerving angle and you didn’t even want to think about the number of outer plates there were to replace.

What worried you more was the look of annoyance on your boss’s face, pinched and red, and you just had enough time to convince her to head back to bed, promising to deal with The Mandalorian until morning. And thank every planet in the galaxy she listened because if the Crest hadn’t woken up the neighbourhood, you knew she sure as hell would of.

There was an etiquette, you learned through years of working on the hanger; you should never enter a person’s ship first. To regulars, it was like walking into someone’s home without being invited. But so early in the morning you weren’t for niceties.

You walked up that ramp like pray on a hunt, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes and you may have stumbled a bit, but it was a hunt.

The Mandalorian was clearly waiting for you, sitting in the cockpit, the baby asleep in his pod although you had no doubt he was listening to every word.

Very out of character, he was the first to speak, ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.’

‘It’s okay.’ It wasn’t…well, it was. You were just grumpy and tired and wanted to go back to bed, ‘She looks a mess.’

‘Can you fix her?’

You had assumed her mess from the work of another bounty gone wrong, maybe Mar again but you weren’t in the right mind to ask. ‘Depends.’

‘On?’

‘What you’re about to ask me to do next.’

There was a silence, a comfortable one but silence, nevertheless. Eyes heavy, you were fading fast, head resting against the passenger seat you had claimed as your own. You weren’t too sure if you had fallen asleep or not. You closed your eyes for what felt like a moment too long and when they opened again, Din had shifted his seat to look at you.

‘We need to stay for a few days.’ His head tilted like a little puppy dog. Helmet still on, you were left trying to imagine how he looked in that moment; eyes squinted, crinkled around the sides in admiration.

Not the exact words you wanted to hear, but not surprising in the slightest.

You decided to push again, ‘Anything else?’

He was smiling, at least you were sure he was, his voice sounding a little lighter despite the artificial muffle of the modulator, ‘Come to bed?’

---

I caught a frog today. Very big frog. I wanted to show you. But ManDad was not very happy with the frog in the big ship. So I ate it, I did. Miss you lots, I did. And so did ManDad. Smiles when he thinks about you, he does. I feel the happiness. Thank you for making him happy.

---

Turns out it hadn’t been Mar that took a hit at his ship.

There had been an incident, Din told you in the quiet of darkness, arms wrapped around you, his head buried safely. Long tufts of hair tickled your jaw and chin whenever he moved or talked, about due for a haircut but that was a battle for another day.

‘Moff Gideon is dead.’ But so was Kuill, the kind Ugnaught who had helped at the start of all this mess. Whatever was left of the Empire was still after the kid and Din still needed to find the Jedi. ‘Karga’s still alive.’

‘I thought he double-crossed you?’ At some point his head had moved onto your chest, letting your fingers card through his hair. You could just about see his face in the small cracks of light, not that he needed to hide anymore, sometimes you think the dark was comforting for him.

The smallest of smiles tugging at the corners of his lips and you really hoped it was because of your touch and not the thought of the Guild agent. Small wins and all that, you guessed. Better to have Greef around than no one at all.

‘I can’t stay long.’ His voice wavered, ever so slightly. You had become accustomed to the bittersweetness of it all, stroking the back of his neck as your heavy eyes began to droop again.

‘That’s okay.’ While it felt like a brick being thrown at your chest, you understood. Truly. The entire Empire was after the kid and, subsequently, him. Not to mention the constant battle against other hunters who had it out for his head.

Because while you knew time was finite with him, at least you had something.

---

Happy to be home we are. ManDad gets lonely sometimes. Feel it I do. I try my best to make him smile but sometimes it does not work. Make him happy, you do. A man should not be lonely for too long, he must not, for loneliness can be deadly. When I am gone, look after him you must. Promise?

---

Quiet moments in the dark were always the loudest for Grogu. Like father like son, you guessed. Neither of them liked the stillness much, both of their minds racing faster than the speed of light. It was always easier to read them in these moments. Flashes of images blended into a mosaic behind your eyes as you tried to hold down a specific part of a memory or a dream.

Some nights it was easier than others. There were times Grogu would sense you in his mind and would purposefully push an image forward, always something he thought was silly like a particularly funny looking frog or a memory of Din singing to some cheesy eighties song you had left behind on a CD during their last visit.

The colourful rhythm and syncopated beats making the walls of the Razor Crest dance along with them and you did everything not to burst out laughing in the still night, biting your lip only for a small snort to escape. Din caught on, barely opening his eyes a crack to mumble out some half-arsed are you okay before rolling over and heading back to sleep again.

It was easier to read Din when he was asleep. Not that you did it much or even intended to in the first place. But sleep tore down the walls he had spent years building up, subconsciously pushing the dreams into your mind. If Grogu’s thoughts were a lulled whisper, Din’s were white noise. Fuzzy static took up most of the space, at times slipping to let through blips of voices or a grainy picture of long past memories. They were too quick to get a full idea of what he was dreaming about.

A boy.

The pop of blasters.

A woman screaming.

One deep breath and the image faded. Din would wake for a moment, eyes closed and he’d turn back to face you. His chest shook, barely and nothing noticeable normally, but you caught it, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, and mumbling a soft it’s okay as he settled back into you.

---

Today was not so bad, it was not. But sometimes I still think about the dark place. Scary and lonely was I. For a long, long time. Then there’s light and I see ManDad for the first time. And then everything is better, it is! No longer do I need to fear the dark.

---

Like always, Grogu climbed out of his pod early morning and forced the doors of the sleeping pad open, giving him room to wiggle his way between Din and you. These were the times you’d feel the tug of his mind at the doors of yours, asking permission to be allowed in.

If your consciousness was awake enough, you’d let him, letting the Green Bean explore the distorted images of Earth and your past life. You would find him standing next to you, present you, in the middle of the dirtied street, dark and damp as rain pounded on the concrete around you, drowning out the screams of the people as they rushed by.

He’d hold his arms up, a quiet hold me please passing by and you’d take him in your arms, holding him close. Sparks of fear rolled through you, weighed down by dread and it was hard to tell if it was coming from Grogu or your past self.

Clouds filled the sky like grey shadows. It had taken you a long time to realise they weren’t normal, that the clouds were too big, were floating by too quick to be anything natural.

That had been the first time you saw them. Aliens. Or what people on Earth would think of as aliens. Tall, grey, slimy, the stuff you had only ever seen on TV and they were now shooting from the skies in streaks of red light. Streets pathed in dust that smelt like ash and day-old water.

The two of you walked through the mess like ghosts, people running left and right and through you, some in slow motion while some were ungodly in their speed. They all died in the end. Zapped out of existence by a singular lazar.

Someone yelled about children. Save the children. Spare the children. Collect the children. Round them up near the hanger, discard the ones we don’t need, you know the ones I mean, don’t talk back to me. Their voice washed over you in cold chills, sounding so far underwater that they might as well not be there at all.

A man stopped in front of you. Tall dressed in all black. A human man staring right at you. He didn’t look panicked like the rest, was calm and collected as he pulled out his gun and aimed so perfectly right at your head. You didn’t move, didn’t duck for cover as he pulled the trigger.

You should know better than to look.

There’s a woman behind you. Was a woman behind you. She’s dead when you turn around, a pile of smoking ash on the cobbled path, already being washed away by the rain.

Then there was the child, arms still stretched out to hold their mother’s hand, eyes wide in fear but they don’t cry. No matter how much their heart is racing. No matter how much they want to scream as the man grabs their arm and drags them away, throwing them in line with the rest of them, waiting for their turn to be scanned and thrown in the hanger.

They don’t scream, even when the doors slam shut and darkness is all that’s left.

---

Awake, are you? Sleep I cannot. Wonder if ManDad knows how much I love him, I do. ManDad is amazing he is. He saved me from the dark and keeps me safe, he does. Let’s me eat cookies, he does. Such lovely cookies. Try some, you must. But ManDad hurts, I feel. Feel his heavy heart, I do. So much pain and loss cause a man to be sad. Want him to be sad I do not. When I am gone, please tell him all the time that he is special, he is. Always be my buir, he will.

---

‘Buir.’ Grogu sat on your stomach, watching with wide, curious eyes as he followed your finger to where Din moved back and forth getting ready to head out. It was just some low-level bounty, armature work really, but that didn’t stop the anxiety from budding in the pit of your stomach. Distractions curved the nausea, curled up with the pod door open, blanket tucked under your chin with the residual warmth of his body still hugging you, ‘He’s your buir.’

Din hadn’t put his helmet back on yet, the roll of his eyes contrasted with the small half-smile on his lips. In the light, it was easier to see the damage he had taken during his last fight. There was only so much an ex-bounty-turned-nursing droid and some bacta spray could do. The large gash across his forehead looked painful and you made a mental note to check it over when he returned.

‘Don’t teach him that.’

‘Why not?’

There was a pause. You caught the way the small smile faltered, wavering with doubt and uncertainty and maybe a hint of sadness although that last part was hard to tell. And while the wall Din had built around himself was thick, sadness was strong enough to creep through the cracks. Even Grogu noticed, large ears pricking, head tilting in ManDad’s direction with a small coo.

‘Aliit ori'shya tal'din.’

‘You’ve been practicing.’ The words were light, a brow quirked in your direction and you knew what it meant; you’re adorable. Thank you for trying. At least he was smiling, finishing up the last buckle on his holster ‘Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum.’

Maybe you should have been more surprised by the slip of his tongue. The way he carried on getting dressed, not even pausing once at his mistake.

You had heard him say those words before a hundrad times or more. But you wondered how long he had meant those words. Months? Years? Was it a new development? Was it something he had always known?

But there was no surprise. Instead, a warmth planted itself in your chest, and it grew, branches stretching to fill every ounce of your being until it was all you could feel.

‘Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum.’ His eyes widened at your mimicked words. The pronunciation was still a bit off and sometimes the emphasis was stressed on the wrong bits, but it was nice to know you were close enough that he understood you, ‘I know what it means now. You can’t trick me anymore.’

Din picked up the helmet and put it on before you had the chance to see the full smile that bloomed, but you heard it, the hints of pure happiness shining through the modulated, ‘I was never trying to trick you.’

You fought back your own smile. The heat spreading across your cheeks told a different story though, serving as a reminder of years old built-up emotions neither of you had time to unpack at that moment.

So, you did what you both did best. You quickly changed the topic, shifting your attention back to the Green Bean plopped on your stomach, happily teething on the small silver ball he sneakily snatched from the controls. A few seconds later and his attention found yours, giving you a gleeful smile as he held out the ball as a peace offering.

‘Ba'buir.’ You pointed back at Din and Grogu laughed, ‘He’s your Ba'buir.’

But Din was already out of sight, halfway to the door when he called back, ‘He’s older than me!’

Older, I surely am. And wiser. Yet know, you do not. Be careful ManDad For space can be dark and dangerous.

The lock hissed as it opened, seemingly louder in the suddenly quiet Razor Crest, ‘Be careful.’

‘Always.’

---

buir = parent

Aliit ori'shya tal'din = "Family is more than blood."

Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum ="I love you."; literally: "I will know you forever."

Ba'buir = grandparent

[queen-scribbles]

Kaira

I figured Father’s Day would be a good day to let Tel unleashed his Dad Energy, so have the fic where he finally gets to meet Kaira. :D

---

Tel’s glance at the wall chrono showed the same exact time as the last three checks and he dropped onto the couch with a loud, disgruntled huff. His knee started bouncing the second he braced his feet against the low table and he let his head fall back to stare at the ceiling.

Elara’s face filled his view, upside down, as she leaned over. “Soon, love.”

“Soon isn’t soon enough,” Tel grumbled. He cracked his knuckles and his knee bounced faster.

“I know.” She kissed his forehead, a faint smile curing her lips when she pulled back. “This is about the state I thought you’d be in today,” she said softly, and kissed his nose.

“I see what you’re doing, Els,” Tel murmured, reaching up to rub her arm with one hand.

“Mm, do you?”

He smiled at the mischief in her voice. “You’re tryin’ to distract me by bein’ all... you.”

Elara laughed softly. “Only temporarily. So you don’t go stir-crazy.” She pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. “Is it working?”

“Sort of.” His hand slid up to cup the back of her neck and he craned upward for a more serious kiss. “You know I love you, sweetheart, but I’m also really lookin’ forward to meeting her.”

Elara’s smile widened. “Understandable.” She kissed his forehead again, then circled the couch to sit next to him. “I’m glad you’re so looking forward to it, dearest. According to Aleksei, Kaira’s been bouncing off the walls and counting down days since we made arrangements.”

“Sounds about right,” Tel said with a chuckle. “She is my daughter, which means enthusiasm is in her blood. And she’s yours, which means orderliness is, as well.”

She laughed and rubbed his arm. “Only time will tell which she gravitates toward more.”

He was just opening his mouth to reply when his comm beeped, followed shortly by the fuzzy blue holo of Hylo grinning ear to ear. “Shuttle on approach, Commander. Thought you’d want to know.”

“You thought right,” Tel said, already pushing off the couch. “Thanks, we’ll be right there.” He closed the connection and offered Elara a hand up. “They’re early.”

She smiled. “You’re complaining?”

Tel grinned and started tugging her toward the door. “Hell, no.”

---

Tel, with Elara close behind him, made it down to the hanger bay before the shuttle even docked. It took everything in him to keep from bouncing like an impatient child as he watched the small craft ease into the hanger with a near-perfect landing. Elara interlaced her fingers with his and he held tight.

The shuttle’s small size meant it held no more than four or five passengers, so at least it wouldn’t be a long wait for the anticipated parties--

The door was barely open when a short, dark-haired figure came streaking down the ramp and darted across the tarmac. She skidded to a halt in front of Tel and surveyed him with eager curiosity. (An inspection that mattered more to him than any drill instructor or CO’s ever had.) 

“You’re my dad?” she asked, shoving hair out of her eyes, back toward her slipping-loose ponytail.

Tel went to one knee, putting them almost eye-level(she was tall for her age). “That’s me-”

Kaira barely let him get the words out before she flung her arms around his neck in a ferociously tight hug driven by so much enthusiasm it almost knocked him over. Her complete lack of hesitation made his heart swell and he tried in vain to swallow the lump in his throat as he hugged her back.

“Mom’s told me all about you,” she said, pulling back just enough to grin at him, displaying the gaps from three lost baby teeth.

“There’s a scary thought,” Tel joked, voice rough, and shot Elara a smirk.

She rolled her eyes and lightly bopped the back of his head. “I promise I painted you in a flattering light, dearest. Hence her excitement.”

“Good point,” Tel relented, and Elara smiled.

“Now” --she turned to Kaira, arms held out-- “do I get one of those hugs as well, darling?”

“Oh. Yeah!” Kaira released her grip on Tel and pivoted to wrap an almost as enthusiastic hug around her mother’s waist. “Missed you, Mom.”

Tel pushed to his feet and turned to the other figure, who had followed Kaira down the ramp and been watching the meeting/reunion with a quiet smile.  “Aleksei, good to see you.”

“You as well.” Aleksei grasped the hand Tel held out to shake, his smile turning wry as he nodded at their joined hands. “And with no barriers this time.”

Tel laughed as they released the handshake. “Yeah, Elara told me you managed to earn the brass’ trust.” The scarring Elara had mentioned was obvious as well; up the right side of Aleksei’s neck and climbing over his jaw to stop just shy of his cheekbone, a small divot in his eyebrow, permanently red and rough skin on the back of his hand.

Aleksei chuckled. “Yes, though I do wish it had taken slightly less than getting myself blown up to do so.”

Tel snorted. “Word of warning; they only give you medals for the first couple times you do that. Then it’s more likely they’ll grouse about your medical expenses than commend your braver-- Ow!” He laughed and rubbed his arm where Elara had whacked him.

“Don’t be encouraging my brother to follow in your footsteps, dearest,” she admonished, fighting a smile. “Worrying about one of you is quite enough.”

“I was warning him not to, Els,” Tel protested.

“And he made a very compelling case,” Aleksei chipped in.

“Thank you.” Tel gave his arm another exaggerated rub. “Now, can I spend some more time with Kaira without being assaulted, please?”

“Oh, very well,” Elara said with feigned reluctance, letting her arm slip from Kaira’s shoulders. “I’m certain Aleksei and I will find something to discuss. You two have fun, and don’t cause trouble.”

“I wasn’t gonna,” Kaira protested, looking offended at the warning.

“I was talking to your father,” Elara said, smiling as she shot Tel a meaningful look.

“Oh, fine,” he sighed, grinning. “I’ll have to come up with a different father-daughter bonding activity.”

Elara rolled her eyes and laughed, then moved to talk to her brother.

“Do you like causin’ trouble?” Kaira asked as they headed through the base toward the elevator.

“Yeah,” Tel admitted with a laugh, examining the narrow braid around her ponytail. It currently appeared to be the only thing holding it in place. “But it has to be the right kind of trouble, in the right place, to be the most fun. We’ll manage some while you’re here, but for now let’s listen to Mom, huh?”

“Okay.” Kaira nodded, furthering the precarious state of her ponytail. “Mom’s smart.”

“Very,” Tel agreed, grinning.

“Can you tell me stories about her?” Kaira asked as they rode the elevator up to the base entrance. “Mom’s told me a lot about you, but not really about her.”

Of course not, that would be bragging, he thought glibly. “Sure thing, kiddo. One condition: for every story about your mom being awesome, I wanna learn somethin’ about you back. It can be somethin’ little,” he clarified when her nose scrunched. “Like your favorite color or ice cream flavor, or stuff you like to do with your best friend, that kinda thing. Deal?”

“Deal,” Kaira said with a grin wide enough to show off her missing teeth again as they shook on it.

---

They made their way to one of the wide expanses of field and forest that surrounded the base, and spent the next hour or two talking while they looked at the clouds, caught bugs, and (occasionally) climbed things.

Tel told Kaira as many stories about Elara as he could recall(a lot) and was gratified to learn she found her mother every bit as amazing as he did. (”Even when she makes you eat your vegetables?” “I like vegetables. ‘Cept peas. Peas are gross.” “K, I don’t think there’s a kid in the galaxy who likes peas right off the bat.”)

He learned in return that Kaira’s favorite color was purple--and red, she liked them both--she liked Corellian puff-pastries so much she’d once eaten a whole batch and given herself a tummy-ache, her favorite thing was to play spaceships with her friend Elodie, she thought explosions were cool, and she really, really  wanted a pet nexu even though Mom said they were too dangerous.

“Well, I dunno bout a nexu, ‘cause I think your mom has a point there,” Tel said with a laugh, swishing a hand through the tall grass around them, “but we can see about a pet.”

Kaira’s eyes lit up. “Really?”

He nodded. “Really.” If they had a bit longer til her birthday, he might’ve set that as the deadline, but Elara would--rightly--strangle him for promising something with only three days to discuss it. “I’ll have to talk to your mom, and it’ll sort of depend whether it lives here or on Coruscant with you...”

Her shoulders noticeably drooped. “Okay.”

Even with his limited childcare experience, Tel knew dejection when he saw it. And he had a pretty good guess as to the cause. “What?”

Kaira shrugged, staring at the ground as she yanked up a clump of grass and let the breeze carry it out of her hand. “Nothin’.”

“Kaira.”

She looked up at him with huge, sad brown eyes he didn’t think he’d have the heart to refuse if she asked him for anything. “I just... I thought I was gonna live here now. With you an’ Mom. “

“Ah.” Tel wrapped an arm around her shoulders to pull her into a hug.  “Sweetheart, I would love nothing more than to have you and your mom here every day. But that’s another thing we have to talk about, ‘cause this is a military base. So if someone gets p- mad at me, or the Alliance, they might attack. And I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Coruscant got hurt,” she muttered, dragging her boot heel through the dirt in a clumsy line. “A whole bunch.”

Tel laughed and rubbed her arm. “That is a very good point, sweetheart. Like I said, we’ll talk about it, okay?”

“...Okay.” She snuggled closer. “But I still wanna live with you. Even if Uncle Lesky’s really cool.”

“Noted,” Tel smiled and ruffled her hair. The ponytail had fallen out five minutes into their adventure and he hadn’t bothered to help her redo it.

They sat for a moment in silence, then Kaira pulled away and sat back on her knees. “Dad?”

That damn lump was back(and would be, he suspected, every time she called him that for the foreseeable future). “Yeah, K?”

She cocked her head, frowning slightly as she studied his face. “What happ’ned to your eye?”

He snorted a laugh and reached up to tap the cybernetic patch. “Oh, I got that a long time ago, sweetheart. Back when I first became a soldier, before I even met your mom-”

“‘Cause she’d’a fixed it?”

Tel laughed even louder and hugged her again. He wondered if Elara’s ears were burning wherever she and Aleksei were. Best damn medic in the galaxy. “I’ll bet she could’ve. Anyway, me and my squad were scouting, and we stumbled on a group of bad guys we didn’t think would be there. I put myself between my squad and the incoming fire, part of that incoming fire was a rocket, and ” --he gestured at the eyepatch, the implant that curved around it, and the general scarring on the left side of his face. (He didn’t mention all the shrapnel they’d had to pull from his chest, stomach, arm; she was six and the kolto had healed all that with nary a scar.)

“Wow.” Kaira leaned closer and ran her fingers over the cybernetics that curved around his eye socket. “Does it still hurt?”

“No. Hasn’t for a long time,” he assured her, then grinned. “Now it just looks cool. Though it does mean I can’t really wink.”

She giggled and sat back next to him. “But winking’s fun.”

“That it is. You’ll just hafta do it for me.”

Another giggle. “Okay.” She wiggled closer, resting her head on his shoulder as they looked out over Odessen’s forests. “’M glad I finally got to meet you, Dad.”

His grin widened until his face hurt, even as emotion prickled in his good eye.  “Me, too, sweetheart. You’re pretty awesome.”

Kaira tipped her head back to smile at him. “So’re you.”

Those two words were worth more than every commendation he’d ever won combined. “Thanks, K. “ He kissed her forehead, tucked wayward black hair behind her ears. “Think we should head back? Find Mom and Uncle Aleksei?”

“Yeah, prob’ly a good idea,” Kaira agreed, though she sounded more than a tad reluctant.

“We can keep hanging out,” Tel promised. “We’ll just be addin’ them to the fun.”

She smiled brightly and jumped to her feet. “Okay.”

Tel matched the smile, pleased both that he’d guessed what bothered her about the suggestion and that she wanted to spend more time with him. “Alright, let’s go.”

They’d only been walking a few minutes when Kaira gave a dramatic groan. “It’s so farrrrr.”

“Yeah, we did cover a lot of ground.” Tel had not been paying attention to the distance they’d ranged and did have to admit, for a six year old, it would be a long trek back.”Want a lift?”

Her face screwed into a pout. “M notta baby, Dad.”

“Not what I meant,” he laughed, and crouched down on one knee. “Piggyback?”

The pout disappeared into an eye-crinkling grin. “YES!” Kaira bellowed as she scrambled to wrap her arms around his neck and legs around his waist. She was lighter than she looked with her height, but still plenty strong enough to strangle him.

“Easy, kiddo,” Tel laughed, tugging her wrist so she’d loosen her grip. “I’ll hold you up, don’t be tryin’ to kill me.”

“Sorry.” Kaira shifted to instead hold fistfuls of his shirt. “Go, go, go!”

They were both laughing as they set out for the Alliance base, where Elara greeted them each with a kiss on the cheek before helping Kaira down so they could go get lunch.

As a family.

[mayasshitposts]

The Magical Man of Wonderland (Ikemen Revolution AU)

Title: The Magical Man of Wonderland Game: Ikemen Revolution Details: Ikemen Revolution AU/Alternate Folktale, An almost Wizard of Oz kinda story Characters: Harr Silver, Loki Genetta, Oliver Knight Prompt: Write a short story where a Joker, Cat, and a Doll are the main characters Notes: Fantasy, Unrealistic, fairytale-like, with magic and stuff, an ikerev AU, Wizard of Oz,

Characters: Harr- Joker, Loki- Cat, Oliver- Doll

It was a stormy night in Cradle. Dark clouds hung over the dimly lit streets. Rain poured from the clouds. Lightning struck the earth as thunder roared. However, most citizens of Cradle were either asleep or seeking shelter at the bar near the civic center. In one of the houses, a young boy lay awake, flinching at every loud noise. After a particularly loud clap of thunder, the boy shot out of bed and ran straight to his mother's room. His mother was awake, reading a book. She noticed the boy and smiled softly as she patted the spot on the bed beside her. The boy climbed onto the bed and clung to her as lightning struck again. The woman sighed, "Can't sleep?" She asked. The boy nodded, "The storm is too scary!" He whimpered. The woman smiled as she held the boy close to her. "Would you like me to tell you a story?"

The boy nodded eagerly, "Oh yes please mother!"

The woman laughed a little as she shut her eyes, "Then how about the story of The Magical Man of Wonderland?" She asked. The boy looked at her as she started to speak.

 In a land far far away called wonderland, lived a young man named Harr Silver. He was a fugitive of sorts, always on the run from the law, and the preferred to live alone. He was nicknamed the Joker, as he possessed strong magic in his left eye. This magic would turn him into a dark beast of sorts, and if it spiraled out of control- like it often did- it would kill everything in his surroundings. Many people feared the joker, although he was often a hot topic for speculation and gossip.

 Harr Silver lived in the depths of the forbidden forest, tucked away from civilization. However, he was not alone. He lived with his prized student, Loki Genetta. Loki Genetta was young, energetic, and admired the joker as his teacher and parental figure. Harr had met Loki while traveling and found out that he was cursed like himself. Loki's curse gave him feline features, including ears, a tail, enhanced agility and a strong dislike for water. This was why people nicknamed him the Cheshire cat. Loki too was a hot topic for gossip in Cradle, and people often made fun of him, making him feel isolated from society. Loki was ecstatic when he met Harr, and started to depend on him for survival.

 Loki and Harr would often fish for food every few days. As fish were abundant in the lake near their home. It was on one of their fishing trips that they met the doll-like Mad Hatter, Oliver Knight. Oliver had come to Wonderland from the Land of Reason, taken by the Disciples of Magic, been experimented on and cursed to live in the body of a child. Despite his childlike appearance, he possessed a temper as short as himself and wit as sharp as a knife.

The Mad Hatter told his two new acquaintances that he was on his way to see the Magical Man of Wonderland in the Tower of Magic, to find a cure for his condition.

Loki was excited to hear about the possibility of a cure for their curses, but Harr was skeptical. With much pleading from the Cheshire Cat, the Joker agreed, as they joined the Mad Hatter on his quest. Before long, the three men had become close friends. They found comfort and joy in this newfound friendship as they traveled day and night to reach the Tower.

 Upon reaching the tower, they were greeted with a sign that said, "Welcome travelers. You are permitted to meet the Magical Man of Wonderland by climbing up the invisible staircase one by one, and he shall fulfill any and all of your wishes." The three friends look at each other wondering who should go first when Harr speaks up. "Oliver, you should go up first," He said. Loki nodded in agreement, "Go ahead Oliver, fulfill your wish."

 Oliver thanked his friends before going up to the tower and about twenty minutes later, he walked back down to where Harr and Loki were waiting, except, he was still a child. Loki's eyes widened as he asked, "What happened? Why are you still a child?" Oliver shrugged and said, "The Magical Man said to wait for nightfall."

Harr was about to question Oliver but bit his tongue. He was curious who the Magical Man was. Almost as if he read his mind, Loki asked, "What did the Man look like? Was he scary?" He asked. Oliver scoffed and said, "He wasn't as much a man as he was a small ball of fire."

"Now I really want to go up there to meet the Man," Whined Loki. Harr smiled softly for a moment before returning to his usual stoic expression. He nodded, "Alright Loki, you may go to see the Magical Man next. Remember, if anything feels wrong, send me a signal." He said. Loki winked at Harr, "Of course I will Harr, you know I will!" Loki then scampered up the invisible staircase to the top of the tower.

 After what seemed like an eternity, Loki returned, with a big grin on his face.  He skipped over to his friends and twirled, "Look! I have no tail or ears anymore!" He said. In a moment of carelessness, Loki's eyes glowed red, sending Harr and Oliver flying back. Harr managed to bring Loki's power under control. He frowned since Loki's power was now stronger than before. "Loki, what did you see in the tower?" asked Harr. "Just a giant magic crystal," He said, tilting his head to one side.

 Without any further words, Harr used his magic to teleport himself to the tower, furious. "Amon! Show yourself you coward!" He bellowed.

"Well well, if it isn't the joker," Said the man, Amon. "Harr Silver, what is your wish?"

Harr gritted his teeth at the man's voice as he looked around the large room, only to spot the familiar robed man. His long white hair and sharp features only added to the fearful nature of his menacing grin. "What have you done to Loki and Oliver?" Harr asked. Amon laughed, "Well, I granted their wishes, each with their own consequences. Oliver will be a child by day and adult by night, while the cat will have magic power even stronger than yours." He cackled as Harr watched on.

 It turned out that Harr was an old student of Amon, and left the tower after learning about Amon's plans for destruction. Amon looked at Harr as he pulled out a magic crystal, "How about I grant your wish now, you wanted an end to the magic in your left eye didn't you?" He asked as he crushed the crystal. Harr cried out in pain as his left eye burned, tears streaming down his face. His eyes were glowing red. Unable to bear the pain any longer, Harr fell unconscious.  

When he awoke, he was outside, Loki and Oliver on either side. "Amon? Where's the Magical Man of the Tower?" He asked frantically. "And my eye, why can't I see out of it?"

Loki looked at Harr as he placed a hand on his shoulder. "Harr, you just appeared here, the man is probably still in his tower. And Your left eye, Oliver says the injury was too severe, you won't be able to see out of it."

Harr shut his eyes and sighed heavily. He decided not to tell Loki and Oliver about the tower, instead, he said that his wish was granted. Oliver returns to the central quarter afterward, as Loki and Harr return to their house near the Lake of Tears.

 The boy looked up at his mother as she finished her story, "And what happened next mother? Where did the Man in the Tower go?" She shrugged as she smiled. "I don't know about that my son. But we don't need to worry about that yet. Now. Go to bed, it's getting late."

[mhdiaries]

Wave 4 Venus McFlytrap Diary

9*9

Today I got in trouble for not paying attention in class. It’s not like I wasn’t interested in what Mr. Hackington was saying but after a week of clouds and rain the sun was calling my name. Shouting it actually - “HEY VENUS - YEAH YOU MCFLYTRAP! DON’T JUST SIT THERE LIKE A POTTED PLANT GET OUT HERE!” I HATE IT WHEN THE SUN SHOUTS AT ME; SO RUDE AND STISTRTACTING. Plus Mr. Hack’s classroom is so cold and dank. Not exactly the kind of place where a ghoul wants to put down roots. Good thing I knew I knew the answer to the question Mr. Hack was asking, even if I didn’t hear it the first time he asked me. “Photosynthesis!” “That’s correct Ms. McFlytrap… did you know or guess?” What I wanted to say was, “Oh, was that the answer?” I though I was placing my lunch order.” Instead I just pointed to my notes, which seemed to satisfy him for the moment. Mom always says, “Be a flower not a weed.” Of course the difference between a flower and a weed depends on the gardener. Whoa. I’m not even sure what that means but next time mom tells me not to be a weed I’m going try it out on her and see what happens.

9*15

I went outside to eat lunch today and saw Operetta sitting under a tree playing her guitar. I walked over to ask if she minded me sitting down to listen and she immediately stopped playing. She looked up at me and wrapped her arms around her guitar like she thought I was going to try and take it from her, “This guitar was made for me by my best friend out of ah hard rock maple tree that blew down in a storm and I ain’t about to apologize or give her up for one made from recycled plastic bottles so you can just save your speeches.” She really hurt my feelings but I wasn’t about to let her see me wilt so I yelled back, “I don’t care what your dumb old guitar is made of I was just going to ask if I could sit here and listen to you play!” She looked surprised at first then she threw her head back and laughed! “All right, all right pull in your thorns ghoul friend and have a seat.” I sat down and she played. She is scary good. I told her being a plant monster means I get all my nourishment from the soil, air and water around me so living in a clean environment is important. I know it may seem selfish but I bet if other monsters saw garbage being dumped into something they were about to eat they’d be all up in claws too and it’s not like I want to build a big fence around the outdoors so no other  monsters can enjoy it cause that wouldn’t be fair either. But I don’t think it’s too much to ask for monsters to throw something that can be recycled into the recycling bin and not treat the environment like their own personal trash  can. Operetta said, “I reckon I see your point but I’ve also seen you do that pollen think to monsters who don’t agree with you an no monster wants to feel like they’re being manipulated into doing something even if it’s something good and that’s why some of ‘em run whey they see you coming.” Whoa. Then she told me why she doesn’t sing in front of audiences. “Monsters who hear me sing live will believe and do whatever I tell ‘em to just like they do for you – only they’ll keep doing it till I tell them to stop.” I almost laughed but I realized she was dead serious. “Now I reckon I could be the biggest music star in the monster world with that ability but I’d rather my music be listened to cause it really is the best not just because I tell monsters it is.” I guess I see her point too.

9*19

I guess I’m getting adjusted to Monster High but it hasn’t exactly been easy. Probably cause I’m really not very good at going along just to get along. Even when I was just a little sprout I wanted to do things my own way. Like one time these monster aphids infested my whole class but instead of using that nasty shampoo or letting my mom comb them out of my hair I totally pruned my head. I looked like a dandelion that had lost its seeds for a while, but at least I didn’t have aphids anymore. I even decided the pruned look was scary cool so I kept it that way on the one side. At my old school all the classes were taught outside so that we were always in our element so to speak. Being indoors all day was really making me droopy but I didn’t want any monster to think that I was some kind of fainting violet cause I’m not. Lagoona must have noticed though cause she told me that I should go talk to Headmistress Bloodgood and let her know I was having a problem. I was like, whoa. I didn’t really want to cause the last time I had to go see her was when she caught me using my pollens of persuasion to make Meowlody and Purrsephone pull aluminum cans from the regular trash and put them in the recycling bin. I got a very long lecture on the need for self-control, and assignment for an even longer paper on the ends not justifying the means, and I had to apologize. Lagoona kept bugging me until I finally made an appointment with the Headmistress. She told me her old assistant was a plant monster and she turned a supply cabinet into a special grow room with lights that mimicked the sun . Headless Headmistress gave me the key and said I could use it any time I was feeling droopy. Amazing,… just amazing.

10*2

I had my meeting with Mr. D’eath, the school guidance counselor today. He wasn’t there when I got there so I had to wait for him. I wasn’t really looking forward to it at all. He always seems to be sighing about something and he cracks his knuckles… a lot. It sounds like dry branches snapping which is like claws on a chalkboard to me. The other day I overheard Miss Kindergrubber telling Mr. Hackington that unlife had not been very kind to Mr. D’eath this year and that lately he was looking more gaunt than usual. I’m not sure how that could even be possible. Of course Miss. K. is always telling some monster to eat cause they’re just “skin and bones”. Guess it must be a prerequisite for her job. Anyway, Mr. D’eath’ss office always smells like herbal tea… can’t really even think about that… and his walls are covered with motivational posters. There’s one with this troll sitting on top of a bridge instead of underneath it that says, “Don’t be afraid of a new perspective.” Whoa. Deep. I’m sure they’re supposed to be profound and encouraging but they’re really not my kind of fertilizer. There was also a picture of him and some other teachers white water rafting down the River Styx. It would take a pretty penny for me to do that. He finally came in with my records, sat down and started flipping through them:

Hmm… okay… I see… oh ho! Well Miss Yelps I think you have a bright future and, if I may confide in you for a moment, over the years a job like mine can make one rather brittle. It gets so discouraging when students don’t listen to my advice especially after all my years of education and seminars which I am beginning to suspect are taught by monsters whose last interaction with students was back in the day of the quill and inkwell. You mention something as simple as an iCoffin and they look at you like you’re speaking zombie… no offense.

He went on about how according to my permanent file I, (Ghoulia), could go to any poison ivy league school that I wanted. He said some other really nice things about me (her.) and then gave me a bunch of college brochures. He told me it had been a real pleasure and that I could come back any time. I didn’t have the heart to correct his error so I just moaned and shuffled out. I’ll probably get in trouble for it later but I’ll sit on that bridge when I come out from under it.

10*15

I got some new art pencils today so I did some sketches of Chewlian who wasn’t being very cooperative. I think he was mad that I closed my window when I went to school. He likes me to leave it open in hopes that lunch will come creeping, crawling or flying into my room. I don’t like bugs nearly as much as he does though and sometimes I forget and close it. I finally had to tell him that I’d let him spend the day out by the compost heap if he’d be still. He was pretty good after that and I was happy with the results.

11*15

When I got called into Headmistress Bloodgood’s office, last week, I was thinking it was because she found out about my appointment with Mr. D’eath but it turned out to be an “opportunity for growth” that would involve me rooting myself in a face painting booth at the middle school carnival. So today I sat in a booth with Draculaura turning werewolves into zombies, vampires into skeletons, zombies into Dead Fast… okay that was just Ghoulia… and cute little ghouls into “scary” normies. Draculaura was happy to do all the kittens, bats with pink bows and the occasional full on mini-makeover although it was mostly the moms who requested those. It also gave me a perfect audience to talk about the importance of keeping the world around us clean. Then we got to watch Robecca, who is a wonder of sustainability, do an amazing stunt. Whoa. It was really scary cool. I think every monster from that time on wanted me to turn them into a robot. Lagoona and Gil even came by and Gil let me paint his helmet to make it look al steam punkish. Not sure I did any growing but I got to spend time in the sun with my beasties, use my art skills and maybe plant some seeds about taking better care of the world around us.

[evabellasworld]

Acing it with Love

For Star Wars POC Week 2020

Day 4: Sexuality

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Summary: Commander Tori of the 101st Battalion, who is an asexual, took Ava Lira and Eva Bella Young to the park when they have a deep discussion with an old lady, who shares the same sexuality as the clone commander

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Laying on her bed with a datapad in her hands, Tori was reading over her reports that she made earlier to Admiral Sallis about the Battle of Reza. The casualties counts were less compared to the other battalions, but many of her brothers and sisters were receiving treatment in the med bay, hoping to get back into action.

Her head began to hurt as her eyelids felt heavy, forcing her to put down her datapad beside her. Goodness, I need to get myself some fresh air, she said to herself, rubbing between her eyebrows. I'll go mad if I stay here any longer now.

Lifting herself off from her bunk, she looked in a mirror and adjusted her curly, black locks. Like all the clone troopers that were cloned from Krystal Mereel, Tori had dark skin, buttoned nose and earth-coloured, round eyes, along with a full lips and puffy cheeks, that are often squished by her brothers like Cody as a way to annoy her.

Clones of Jango Fett, on the other hand, have tanned skin and a nose slightly sharper than their sisters, but their sibling-like bonds are much stronger than the pillars that hold every part of the building. Due to Jango and Krystal being siblings through adoption, both male and female soldiers were put together by the Kaminoans to help them get along with each other.

They may tease each other, they may bicker and argue, but they love each other, no matter what. Tori gets along with Cody, who is a few months older than her. From their days as clone cadets, Cody guides Tori and accompanies her whenever she gets sent to the med bay, due to her accident-prone nature. She had lost count of how many casts she has ever worn in her lifetime.

From arm injury to head concussion to even a pelvic fracture that almost cost her service as a commander of the 101st Battalion, somehow, like both her Jedi Generals Ava Lira and Eva Bella Young, who were only 10 years old, Tori had avoided the angel of Death many, many times.

Another brother Tori is close to is Rex, who is much younger than her. She basically acts bossy to him and orders him to do whatever she pleases just for fun, despite his irritation. Ironically though, Rex himself had made Tori wish she could murder him in his sleep and even thought about selling him to the black market just for a pack of two fours.

Of course, Tori does love him dearly, but at the same time, she would roast him with her crude humour and make sarcastic comments about his stupidity and rigidness towards everything, if he understands her perfectly well.

Passing by her comrades underneath her command, they give her a respectful salute, which Tori gestured to them back as she headed outside of the clone barrack and hopped onto her speeder that is parked in her designated spot.

The sky was still bright, with the hot, afternoon sun shining in the horizon, along with the thick, white clouds that resembled cotton candies that Lira and Eva indulged in at a local carnival on Coruscant. 

From what she recalled, there were carousels that has horses spun around with a machine, there was a Ferris wheel that took them high above the ground, like a ship, and there were games that could let them win all sorts of prizes, like a black ring that Tori wore on her middle finger, which gives away to everyone that she’s an asexual.

Like her sisters, Tori does have a preference for dark-skinned men who are also tall and handsome, but she doesn’t think about sleeping with them, ever. Instead, she thinks of her man in a romantic way, such as taking her on a picnic beside a lake, or swimming together on a sandy beach.

But that doesn’t stop her from reading erotic literature that Odd Eye recommended to her, though. She enjoys reading from authors such as Vanka Pollak, who wrote Devilish Love, which was about a woman who has an intense love affair with a sex demon that she summoned from hell. 

The book was quality writing for her, but in real life, Tori couldn’t feel lust towards strangers she just met at a bar, or even men and women that she knew very well. Her siblings don't insult her or belittle her for lacking sexual attractions, but that doesn’t make her immune to creeps, who don't seem to understand her boundaries she had set.

Stopping in front of the Jedi Temple, Tori stepped inside and took the elevator to the Jedi’s quarters. Noticing drawings of flowers in front of the door, the clone commander gave a knock. “Come in,” a child’s voice replied.

She walked in and found both her Jedi General, Ava Lira and Eva Bella Young, sitting on the floor, playing with their toys. “Tori,” Lira smiled and jumped onto her, prompting her to hold her with both arms. 

“Hey, girls,” she greeted, putting Lira down. “How are you?”

“I’m okay,” Eva answered, hugging both of her dolls. “We’re just playing with each other, that’s all.”

“Is that so? Well, I was thinking I could go out with you both, if you’re okay with it,of course.”

“I want to,” Lira cheered, grabbing her backpack on Eva’s bed. “Where are we going?”

"I was thinking maybe we could go together, you know," shrugged Tori.

"Can Buttercup and Stripes come with us?" Eva asked, referring to her stuffed toys.

"Of course, sweetie. Your friends can come with us as well."

The redheaded twins with blue-green, almond-shaped eyes and fair skin yelled happily as they followed Tori to her speeder, sitting beside her.

"I hope both your masters are okay with this,” Tori informed them, driving through the smooth, Coruscanti traffic. “You know how protective they tend to be towards you.”

“They’re both at war right now,” Lira said. 

“Oh,” one of her eyebrows raised. “What about General Skywalker and Commander Tano?”

“Same thing.”

Well, that explains why I didn’t see Codes or Rexster this morning. I thought they were hanging out together without me. Then again, I don’t blame them for wanting a guys only hangout. After all, even we ladies do the same as well.

As they arrived at the large public park that is located in the heart of the city, Lira and Eva rushed out of the vehicle and dashed towards the playground, causing Tori to chase after those troublesome twins. “Girls, wait up,” she laughed. “I’m not as fast as you both.”

That was a huge, fat lie. Tori is pretty fast, but only if her life heavily depends on it. Otherwise, she’ll have to catch up with Cody, Rex, and Mayyah whenever they’re on shore leave. Back on Kamino, Tori is the slowest among her batchmates, which was one of the reasons why she’s always in bandages every week.

She reached the playground's bench and saw Lira and Eva playing in the sandbox with their toys while building a sandcastle. Tori felt that the girls were lucky that they got to act like a child. Meanwhile, she had to train from 5 a.m. to 10 p.m. in Kamino when she's their age.

The playground was full of kids their age, with some of them playing on the swings, some hanging on the monkey bar, and the rest of them were just scattered everywhere.

Tori noticed their parents were sitting beside her, observing their kid's antics. "Conny, don't stand on that slide," one of the mothers yelled. "You're gonna fall, young man."

Must be one of the overbearing mothers, the commander rolled her eyes as she saw the twins sharing their toys with a little girl, who had purple skin and lekkus. "This is Buttercup," Lira introduced her rag doll. "She is very huggable."

She could only smile as the Twi'lek girl shook hands with Lira, who then introduced her to Eva, who was holding her sister's hand with fear in her eyes. 

"Don't worry, Evie," Lira assured her. "She won't bite."

As Eva shook hands with the Twi'lek girl, Tori's lips curved upwards. That is sweet of Lira to introduce her new friends to Evie.

She recalled a time on Kamino when her comrade, Odd Eye, joined her class and was extremely timid and quiet to interact with her batchmates. It was Gowon, who was close to Odd Eye, helped her introduce her to Tori and Wollfe, who wanted to get to know Odd Eye very well. Odd Eye wasn’t an ace like Tori, but she validated her for her sexuality and her cheerful personality. 

“I hardly see you around,” a dark, old lady with glasses spoke to her, holding her cane. “Do you always go here?”

Tori has never seen that old lady before, but regardless whether she’s a complete stranger or an old friend from the past, she wouldn’t mind some company anyhow. Though she was warned not to interact with someone she doesn’t know, she felt safe if a woman twice her age decided to talk to her.

“I come here sometimes,” she answered politely. “Usually, I would be fighting in another part of the galaxy or I would hang out with my brothers and sisters.”

“Is it scary for you to be out there, fighting and seeing your own siblings dying around you?”

Tori nodded, frowning. “Yes, ma’am. It is brutal, but we can’t do anything to bring them back, no matter how much you tried to protect them.”

“Do you cry when they die?”

“I do, but I try my best to be strong for the sake of others’, you know.”

“There is nothing with crying,” the old lady gave her the softest smile, which melts Tori’s gentle heart. “You are a person, after all. We all run on emotions and empathy.”

The clone commander was surprised. No one, except for her siblings and Lira and Eva, had ever called her a person, ever. She and the rest of her vods were just properties of the Republic. They were bred on Kamino to fight and die. They weren’t meant to have their own interest outside of war, or even bond with people they met. It shocks her whenever people like Lira and Eva and the old lady tell her that she is a sentient being.

“Is something wrong, sweetie?” the old lady asked, noticing her distress.

“My apologies, ma’am,” Tori replied. “But we clones aren’t people. We were meant to be expendable and replaceable, that’s all.”

“Not to me,” she squeezed her warm hand onto hers, making Tori blinked twice. “You and your comrades risked your lives to protect us from danger. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

She stuttered for a moment, before she was able to answer. “I’m not fishing for compliments, ma’am. We were just bred that way.”

“You may look the same as the rest of them, but your own personality and quirks is what stands you out. Like for instance, I saw you running with your kids in the park an hour ago.”

Tori chuckled. “I’m not their mother, ma’am. I’m just looking after Lira and Eva while their parents are away for war.”

By Lira and Eva’s parents, she meant General Doyvesky and General Kenobi. She was aware about the twin’s biological mother from what they told her. According to Eva, their mother resembled the twins, but with black, silky hair. The father, on the other hand, was not in the picture at all.

“Doesn’t matter whether you’re related or not,” the old lady laughed. “What matters is the bond that you and the kids had formed together and from what I can tell, they seemed to look at you as their mother figure.”

I would be surprised if that’s the case, Tori said to herself. I’m not as close to them as General Doyvesky and General Kenobi.

“Right, of course, ma’am.”

“You know, I didn’t get your name earlier,” she slapped her own forehead. “What do you call yourself, child?”

“I’m Tori,” the clone introduced herself. “Those girls you were referring to are Lira and Eva Young. It’s a pleasure to meet you, ma’am.”

“You can just call me Grandma, Tori,” the old woman glanced at Tori with her deep, dark eyes, as if she has seen a lot through her whole life. “You have such a beautiful name.”

Before Tori could say something, Lira and Eva ran up to her, holding their toys. “Tori, we’ve made a new friend,” said Lira, pointing at the Twi’lek child, who was with her mother. “Her name is Leta.”

“Well, that’s great,” Tori grinned, turning to the grandma. “Well, it’s been a pleasure to talk to you.”

“Of course, dearie. Let me know if you need anything.”

As Tori bobbed her head and stood up, she noticed the exact same black ring on her wrinkly finger, sparking a curiosity in Tori’s head. “Grandma, where did you get this ring?”

“This ring was given to me by a friend of mine when I came out as an asexual many years ago,” she narrated her story. “It was a proud moment in my life to gain my confidence in my sexuality. I saw that ring on you as well, my dear. Are you proud to be an ace as well?”

Tori smiled, realizing that she isn’t the only one who lacks sexual attraction towards others.All these while, the public sees asexuals as less than a person, causing Tori to doubt herself. But now, she’s not alone, and she felt validated.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Commander Tori: 

Ava Lira and Eva Bella Young: 

[keelywolfe]

FIC: The Elephant in the Room ch.2 (baon)

Summary: Jeff has started working at the Embassy. He’s got a new job, a new car, and a new place to live. Now if only the rest of his life could fall into order, that’d be great. Any time now…any time at all…

Tags: Spicyhoney, Kustard, Established Relationships, Prejudice Against Monsters, Angst,  Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Past Suicidal Thoughts,  Mental Health Issues, Friendship

Notes: Stretch quitting smoking? Going swell. Jeff quitting the bookstore? Super duper. Red is a creeper? Well, everyone knows that! Except Jeff, it seems, but hey, he can be taught!

Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

~~*~~

Read it on AO3

or

Read it here!

~~*~~

There wasn’t much parking downtown at that time of day, the best spots taken by day workers and college students. Jeff was forced to park on the street a couple blocks from the bookstore. It wasn’t much further than they would have gone from the bus stop and Stretch didn’t offer any complaint.

He did hop out of the car the moment it was in park, before Jeff even had a chance to turn it off. Jeff only shrugged mentally and gathered up his keys and bag. At least he didn’t shortcut out, the sound of it could be painfully loud in an enclosed space.

When he got out, he saw that Stretch hadn’t run ahead. Instead, he was lingering on the sidewalk with a vape pen in hand, already exhaling a cloud of vapor. From his scrunched expression, it wasn’t as satisfying as a cigarette.

“Not so good, huh?” Jeff asked with amused sympathy.

Stretch grimaced. “it’s not the same. you’d think i’d like the tasty flavors and you’d be wrong. i wasn’t smoking ciggies because i so enjoy the tanginess of chemicals and tar.” He grinned then and nudged Jeff with a sharp elbow. “but it’s better for the baby, am i right?“

Jeff groaned, but he snickered helplessly, ”I said I was sorry.”

“oh, you did,” Stretch agreed. He started down the sidewalk and Jeff fell into step beside him, “but i’ve still got a little mileage left on that joke before i run it into the ground.”

From the way he was determinedly using the little vape, Jeff got the idea that the whole quitting thing might not be going so well. He didn’t put it away until they got to the store, tucking into his hoodie pocket as he held the door open for Jeff. The bell jangled above the door as they walked in and an unfamiliar face looked up at them from behind the counter. “Good after…noon.”

The faint hiccough in his speech was barely noticeable, as was the way his smile faltered. Stretch certainly didn’t seem to notice on his beeline directly to the recently acquired shelf.

“Hi,” Jeff said, just this side of too loud. The guy jerked and turned back to him. “Is Thomas in?”

Before he could gather himself enough for a reply, a full head of salt and pepper hair poked out from the office, followed by the rest of his former boss. “Jeffery, my boy! And Stretch, schön dich zu sehen! What brings you, you have a new order to place?”

“nah, i’m just here with the troublemaker today,” Stretch grinned and jerked his head in Jeff’s direction. “don’t worry, though, i’m working on a new list. you’ll be sherlock holmsing around for me in no time.”

“Ah, but I also have a new detective!” He stepped around the counter and gave the young man a firm clap on the shoulder. “This is Steven, it is his second day.”

“Hi, again,” Steven said obediently. It sounded friendly enough but Jeff didn’t miss the way he kept glancing away from Stretch, who nodded a greeting before going back to perusing the shelves.

Thomas didn’t notice, only came back around and transferred that firm grip to Jeff, leading him away like a lost sheep. “Come now, Jeffery, we can go over the last orders you were working on in my office.”

“Sure,“ Jeff murmured. But he left the door open and stood in a way he could watch the main room.

Every glance out made him worry a little more. Not about Stretch, he was only poking through the books, setting a few off to the side in a neat pile. He never even glanced at Steven, much less bothered him. But the guy was watching him like a mall security guard, not even pretending to be doing anything else.

There was something about that look, the visible discomfort in it, that had Jeff frowning mentally. Monsters had been aboveground for several years now, long enough that anyone who lived in Ebott should’ve bumped into one at least every few days around town. Considering how young this guy was, he should’ve been on campus a few times or in the local coffee shops. No one should be that freaked about seeing a Monster, no one with manners, anyway.

Especially seeing Stretch, who was easily one of the most recognizable, only below Asgore and the diplomat group when it came to fame. Plus, the skeleton Monsters tended to look more Human than some of the other species out there. They wore clothes and shoes, and when Stretch had his hood up, he could easily be mistaken for human from behind.

Besides, his sweatshirt had a dinosaur with Mickey Mouse ears on it and a speech bubble that said ‘wrong park’, for crying out loud. How was that remotely threatening?

Next to him, Thomas was two finger typing his way through the list of orders that Jeff had been working on, humming beneath his breath. “Thomas,” Jeff said, low. “Yes, my boy?” When Jeff nodded towards the front counter, Thomas stood and leaned over the desk to see. He frowned, his eyes narrowing, as they both watched Stretch walk over to another shelf of books. Steven moved as he did, unsubtly shifting over to the far side of the counter, his eyes never leaving Stretch as he backed away. “Bah,” Thomas muttered irritably. “That one, he’s not going to be staying.”

Jeff nodded. Definitely for the best. Even if someone unfairly thought Stretch was scary, he was hardly the only Monster who came in hankering for books. Moms brought in their kids all the time, elderly Monsters searched for books they remembered from the Underground. The cheery sticker on the front door inviting Monsters in would tell anybody that much, before they took a single step inside much less submitted a resume. Why the hell would someone who was so visibly uncomfortable around Monsters want to work someplace that was blatantly Monster-friendly?

Jeff didn’t really care for any of the reasons his brain was offering him and suddenly, he didn’t really want to leave Stretch out there alone with a guy who was eying him the same way he would a serial killer. “Would you mind if I came back this weekend to go over this?” Jeff asked softly.

“Not at all. Come, let’s go out together. I think maybe I should ring up Stretch’s purchases for him.” Thomas sighed and shook his head. “Such a shame, he had a good resume. A worse shame I will have to pay him for today.”

“Send him home at lunch,” Jeff said sourly, “save some money.”

“A very good idea.”

~~*~~

They were walking back to the car, both of them with bags in hand when Stretch finally asked him, “okay, what’s the matter?”

“Why do you think anything is the matter?” Jeff asked lightly. It wasn’t going to work, he knew that, and Stretch only tutted in exaggerated disappointment.

“because your smile fell so far its sitting on top of your shoes. so before you trip over it, what’s wrong?”

“That guy, the new guy. He seemed…” Jeff hesitated, trying to think of a way to phrase it that was better than, ‘he was a dick,’. “He seemed really Monster unfriendly.” “yeah. i noticed.” Stretch pulled out his vape and used it, exhaling a sweet-smelling cloud. It was a decent distraction but Jeff knew him too well now to miss the fleeting unhappiness that crossed his face before it was hidden beneath easy carelessness. “he didn’t say anything to me, but—“ “No, because he was too busy trying to blend into the furniture,” Jeff gritted out. He should’ve known Stretch noticed, he was weirdly observant like that. Maybe Monsters had to be when their HP was in the single digits. And to have to deal with that in one of his safe places had to be doubly upsetting. “Thomas already said he was getting rid of him, but seriously, what an asshole. He was acting like you were gonna rip his throat out with your teeth.” Stretch made a face, “nasty. i love the old monster movies but man, the creature from the black lagoon sure didn’t do us any publicity favors.” “Good movie, though.”

“yeah.” The faint melancholy that had settled over Stretch faded as he suddenly smirked. “wanna go watch it?”

“Hell, yes.”

The trip back home was a lot shorter when they didn’t have to depend on the bus, and soon enough they were settled on the sofa with snacks. But even the campy black and white classic couldn’t hold his attention, and Jeff found his thoughts picking irritably at the events of the day.

That Steven applied at Classic Books at all was rubbing him in all kinds of wrong ways. There was literally no chance anyone would miss that it was a Monster-friendly business, and even if Thomas was going to fire that prick, well…maybe he should let someone in Security know. Like Red, Jeff had a feeling this was definitely something he’d want to know about. Edge probably would too, but he and Stretch had enough to worry about lately.

Better to have it checked out first before starting any panics or holy wars or anything.

So after the movie, Jeff regretfully turned down an offer to head over to Grillby’s and instead drove down to the Embassy.

Instead of politely greeting the security guard and heading right to the elevator like he usually did, Jeff stopped and asked, “If I needed to talk to Red, where would I find him?”

The guard’s floppy ears perked high as he looked up from his sudoku book, eying Jeff warily. “You actually want to see Red?”

“Um. Yes?” Well, he had before that.

“Huh.” The guard looked at him a moment longer, doubtfully, then shook his head and picked up his pen again. “Just wander around. You don’t really find Red so much as he finds you.”

Well, that wasn’t at all ominous or terrifying. “Thank you.”

Even worse, it wasn’t really helpful. It was close to five and most of the staff was getting ready to go home for the day. The cafeteria was closed, the chairs already atop the tables, and none the departments seemed likely. It wasn’t like there were any signs pointing towards ‘creepy skeletons this way’ like a damn Target store.

Jeff was ready to surrender and almost convinced himself that he was overreacting. And yet, if he didn’t say anything and someone got hurt? Yeah, better to overreact and feel stupid, times a thousand.

An email, then? That’d be something, and Jeff made his way down to the PR sector where his office was. It was about a step above a closet, but he didn’t care, it was his, and he should be able to check the email listings from there.

The main office was already deserted, the lights dimmed. Jeff walked on to his door, trying not to feel like an intruder as he unlocked it and switched on the light. Only to nearly scream at the sight of Red sitting casually in his chair, his boots propped up on the desktop.

That grin of his was so similar to Edge’s and yet not at all, and neither was the way he ran his tongue over the jagged points. His eye lights glowing with crimson ferocity that gave lie to his tone as he said easily, “wellie, well, well, if it isn’t handy andy. heard you were looking for me. what can i do for you, sweets?”

Yeah…he was starting to think the guard had the right idea. Seemed like no sane person went looking for Red. Except now Jeff had him and so he got to deal with him.

Jeff wet his own lips nervously, wondering how the hell he was going to coax this genie back into the bottle. Somehow, he didn’t think flattery was the right option.

~~*~~

TBC

[memoriashell]

to you, who i write for

Characters / Pairing: Soriku; though it really just reads as Riku angst / pining. 

crossposted on ao3

Notes: This was the first thing I wrote post KH3 and I think I’m okay with putting it out at this point. So yes, warning for KH3 spoilers.

The formatting of this fic is a little weird quite frankly, because it’s a ( mostly ) texting based fic. I used strikethrough at points to indicate messages that were deleted / unsent, but since I know strikethrough can be finicky on some devices ( tumblr mobile ), so I’ve gone ahead and also italicized those parts as well.

There are also some obvious typos! Mostly for a touch of realism because Riku absolutely accidentally typos shit. There are other reasons that I hope are obvious when reading it!

Summary: Riku keeps sending messages because he doesn’t know how else to cope.

( somehow, i hope these words reach you )

[ Text : Sora ] I’m sorry I haven’t texted back in a while.

[ Text : Sora ] We’ve been busy. Not that that’s any excuse.

I’m sure you’ve been too busy to notice.

[ Text : Sora ] Mickey said to tell you he sends his best wishes.

Let me knwo if you need anything.

It’s an admittedly bad habit he’s gotten into, writing up messages that he won’t send. Riku means to cut off the urge before it become a habit, but here he is, still typing up messages for him and him alone.

It’s kind of therapeutic, to write up the things that he can’t really find the words to say aloud— and one would say he should invest in a journal before he accidentally sends a text he does not mean to, but he doesn’t think it’d be quite the same. Doesn’t simulate the same kind of conversation, even if that means a few things that he doesn’t mean to say slip through.

( If it were just anyone he was sending these messages to, Riku knows he might have more than a few reservations— but it’s Sora, who never judges him, even if there are more than a few things he would like to keep secret for him ).

So he continues typing up messages to get things off his chest, and if Sora finds it annoying that he spends more time typing up theoretical conversations than actually having them, he never says anything about it. Probably because Sora only understands how to use their gummiphones half the time to begin with.

Of course, he does send actual messages too, even if perhaps less frequently. Short little blurbs when he can tell that by the increasing frequency in his messages that Sora is worried ( and as bad as Riku is at saying what he wants, he can at least make sure he isn’t worrying for no good reason ).

Notifications of social media updates, text messages that were a litany of errors between them; the buildup of numbers bring some form of comfort.

Until they don’t.

[ Text : Sora ] It’s not like it’s nothing new. Being separated from you two.

We’ve done it before in worse circumstances.

[ Text : Sora ] It hurts?

Is this what it was like for you?

I think I understand your pain now. Srry.

[ Text : Sora ] Are you coming home soon?

[ Text : Sora ] It’s still weird to not wake up to you clogging up my notifications.

[ Text : Sora ] I guess I can return that favor for once.

I’ll try to keep you updated on hwo everyone’s doing.

[ MESSAGE UNREAD ]

If he had been dependent on his phone before, then it was most certainly his lifeline afterwards.

Old notifications are left alone, a flashing number remains constant—as if the moment Riku checks it, it will disappear ( and some of the hope that he clings onto will go with it ).

He sends messages when he needs someone to talk to, so, nothing has really changed in that regard. He thinks about it a little more like writing letters than a journal. Sora will see them eventually, he hopes—thinks he would laugh at how many messages he sends and what kind of things Riku chooses to talk about.

It’s better than thinking of the alternative—

( The illusion is jarring and broken more quickly than he would like to admit because Sora has almost always been quick to check his messages, regardless of situation, the fact that the device will remind him of the fact that his messages continue to go unread is jarring and hard to get used to.

He willingly clings to the hope that something might change )

[ Text : Kairi ] Why.

[ Text : Kairi ] Why was it you?

Why was it him?

[ Text : Kairi ] Was it all pointless?

I think it’s my fault.

[ Text : Kairi ] For not doing something.

Sooner.

Better.

Whatevr.

[ Text : Kairi ] It should have been me, not you.

[ Text : Kairi ] I want to see you two come back.

[ Text : Kairi ] We should talk when you both are safe again.

[ Text : Sora ] It’s weird.

[ Text : Sora ] Sometimes it feels like you two are dead or something.

I mean.

You kind of are?

[ Text : Sora ] But you promised. You’d come bcak.

I’m holding you to that.

[ Text : Sora ] Sometimes it just.

Feels like we can’t talk about you for some reason.

Guess everyone’s still hurting.

[ Text : Sora ] They miss you, though. I can tell.

They miss both of you.

[ Text : Sora ] I miss you both.

[ Text : Sora ] Come home soon.

[ Text : Sora ] You promised.

[ Text : Sora ] If I called, would you answer?

[ Text : Sora ] I guess not.

There are some miracles evn you can’t pull off.

[ Text : Sora ] I’m trying to act like it’s okay.

[ Text : Sora ] You can probably tell otherwise though. You’ve always been good at that.

Even if you can’t pick up on other things.

[ Text : Sora ] Srory.

About everything.

I’ll try harder.

[ Text : Sora ] I know you’d want me to.

[ Text : Sora ] I can’t

I haven’t been seleep?

Sleeping.

[ Text : Sora ] I keep.

[ Text : Sora ] Dreaming.

[ Text : Sora ] About yyou? I think?

Thats not really somehting new, though.

[ Text : Sora ] But it’s dffrnet this time?

I think

I know?

I’m seeing hwat you’re doing?

[ Text : Sora ] Im.

[ Text : Sora ] I’m nnot sure?

[ Text : Sora ] I’m worr

[ Text : Sora ] Im scared.

[ Text : Sora ] I’m scared for yuou.

[ Text : Sora ] I haven’t mentioned it too anyone.

I’ll have to eventually because I’m not sleeping enough

Can barely make sense of what I’m writing.

Pretty sure Aqua’s going to start casting sheep spells on me soon.

[ Text : Sora ] I’m sure you would agree with her.

Probably would have beeen the one to fall asleep instead.

[ Text : Sora ] But.

I can’t tell them?

Not yet,

[ Text : Sora ] I don’t wwant them to have to hurt more.

[ Text : Sora ] I know you’d want me to rely on them but.

Trust me on htis one?

[ Text : Sora ] I 

I think

I know Im asking too much

[ Text : Sora ] I’m being selfish agian?

Sorry.  

[ Text : Sora ] Pleaes come back soon.

[ Text : Kairi ] I hate you.

[ Text : Kairi ] No.

I don’t.

I 

[ Text : Kairi ] I hate me.

I think you knew that already, though.

I’m sorry.

[ Text : Kairi ] I wish you were here.

I think you’d know how to handle thsi better than I do.

I miss being able to talk to you.

Both of you.

[ Text : Kairi ] I’ll make it up to you both.

Soon.

[ Text : Kairi ] I promise.

[ Text : Sora ] I miss you.

[ Text : Sora ] I’m sorry.

[ Text : Sora ] You two have been gone for a year now.

It’s weird.

I guess we can officially hold a funeral?

[ Text : Sora ] I’m joking. Kind of.

It was a serious consideration, I think. By someone.

[ Text : Sora ] Probably Lea.

[ Text : Sora ] Still having dreams but.

Less frequently lately.

I’m worried. Is everything okay?

[ Text : Sora ] Before, I could always tell you were alright.

Just a feeling in my heart that told me so.

I’m starting to wonder if I can actually tell that you’re alive still

Or if I’m just being hopefull.

[ Text : Sora ] We miss you.

[ Text : Sora ] We haven’t given up on you two.

[ Text : Sora ] So you better come back.

I think they’ll cry if you don’t.

[ Text : Sora ] Because you.

[ Text : Sora ] For them.

[ Text : Sora ] We just.

[ Text : Sora ] Aynways.

[ Text : Sora ] Just hang on a little longer. Please.

[ Text : Sora ] I sthis my fault for not doing anything.

[ Text : Sora ] For not saying anything?

[ Text : Sora ] Im

I 

It’s too late now, I guess.

[ Text : Sora ] I wish I could hcange things.

[ Text : Sora ] It wasn’t supposed to be you.

[ Text : Sora ] I’m sorry.

[ Text : Sora ] I miss you.

I wish I didnt.

I know it’s not weak to feel like this but.

[ Text : Sora ] I wish I ccould be stronger. For both of you.

[ Text : Sora ] Srory

[ Text : Sora ] Sorry

[ Text : Sora ] I love you.

[ Text : Sora ] It’s kind of weird.

Scary weird.

[ Text : Sora ] Sometimes it feels like everyone else has forgotten about you two.

[ Text : Sora ] I guess they’ve started moving on and I haven’t.

I always hold onto things too long.

[ Text : Sora ] Somehow it doesn’t feel that simple.

[ Text : Sora ] Don’t tell them, but

I’m scared they’re forgetting?

[ Text : Sora ] It’s happened before. Not tht you remember.

[ Text : Sora ] That’s why I have to keep sending you messages.

Even on the bad days. When I can’t

Dont know what to say.

[ Text : Sora ] So I won’t forget.

[ Text : Sora ] Sometimes I think I’m being irrational, though.

[ Text : Sora ] I know they still remember you.

[ Text : Sora ] They have to.

[ Text : Sora ] You haven’t forgotten about us either, right?

[ Text : Sora ] I can’t

[ Text : Sora ] Im trying

[ Text : Sora ] It’s.

[ Text : Sora ] Bad.

Feels bbad. Brken.

[ Text : Sora ] Haven’t written in a hwile.

While.

Sorry.

[ Text : Sora ] Cant figure out what I want to say.

[ Text : Sora ] Trying to be better.

[ Text : Sora ] Cloud be worse?

[ Text : Sora ] That’s not. Saying mcuh.

[ Text : Sora ] Sorry.

[ Text : Sora ] I’ll try to ttalk to you again soon.

[ Text : Sora ] Kairi came home today.

[ Text : Sora ] I’m sure you knew that.

[ Text : Sora ] We talked for a bit.

She couldn’t talk about you.

Can’t blame her.

[ Text : Sora ] You’re worrying me again.

What happened?

[ Text : Sora ] I think it’s been almost two years now?

Not srue.

Stopped keeping track.

Days keep blurring together.

[ Text : Sora ] I did a year before

So this shouldn’t be that much worse.

But it’s so much harder ths time?

[ Text : Sora ] Probably because I at least knew you were safe last time.

[ Text : Sora ] We’re trying.

[ Text : Sora ] Im try

We want you back home. Safe.

[ Text : Sora ] I’ll try harder.

[ Text : Sora ] Are you waiting for me?

[ Text : Sora ] I hpoe you’re just slaking off again.

[ Text : Sora ] Sora, I 

We

It’s so bad without uyou.

[ Text : Sora ] Please.

[ Text : Sora ] Come home.

[ Text : Sora ] We ccan’t.

[ Text : Sora ] I cant

Do this? Without you

I

[ Text : Sora ] We’re all still waiting on you.

His phone has become a definitive lifeline to keeping himself sane. Which isn’t saying much when he is haunted by another lifetime in his dreams, but—

He’s never cared for conventional, healthy methods, anyways. He takes too much care into making sure nothing happens to his phone because, well ( he doesn’t want to imagine what would happened if something happened— but he clings to the hope of a sign, anyways ).

The feeling of something distant in his soul, something missing— something rips at his soul and in the same moment something comes up on his phone—

He must have voiced some sort of anguish because he’s distantly aware of someone asking if he’s okay, but—

He can’t respond, eyes focused on the pop-up on his phone

[ ERROR: MESSAGE COULD NOT BE SENT TO RECIPIENT ]

[ Text : Sora ] I guess these aren’t getting to you?

[ Text : Sora ] That’s fine.

It was foolish for me to hope any of these messages could reach you.

[ Text : Sora ] I still haven’t looked at any of your old messages.

[ Text : Sora ] I like to think you were answering my messages.

Silly, but it helped sometimes.

[ Text : Sora ] Bfeore I could feel you. Knew you were okay.

But not today. What happened?

I know you can’t tell me but.

Wish you could.

[ Text : Sora ] Is this why Kairi couldn’t tell us?

[ Text : Sora ] I think the others can tell too.

That something is different.

[ Text : Sora ] I know I can’t call you, but can you call me?

[ Text : Sora ] It’s important.

[ Text : Sora ] Because I know

If you call, I’ll be able to find you.

[ Text : Sora ] Nothing could stop me from finding you.

Nothing.

[ Text : Sora ] So call for me?

[ Text : Sora ] I’ll see you soon, Sora

Promise.

[ ERROR: MESSAGE COULD NOT BE SENT TO RECIPIENT ]

[sherrybaby14]

Who Am I? Part 8

Summary:  A conversation, some information

Warnings:  A/B/O None (This is a bit of an explanatory chapter)  More smut to come 

Tags: @divadinag @ariwolff14 @mrssgtjamesbuckybarnes @marauderice @el-bucky @kellyn1604 @negan--is--god @theariel85

A/N:  I’m going to alternate between this one and Negan’s Pet, so the updates for this might slow a little (sorry or yay!  depending on which story you like more)

                 James’ clothes hung off of you.  There was a full length mirror in the closet and you twisted to your side.  It seemed like the shape of your body was changing, but it was hard to tell in men’s clothing.  You didn’t have many personal belongings, almost all of your clothing was black, loose, non-descript, never wanting anyone to notice it or you.  While the items themselves were not important you would like some clothes that actually fit.  

                 A huge breath escaped your lungs.  You wished you had a book, or a television.  Really anything to distract you.  Maybe you would ask one of your Alphas to take you back to your apartment?  There was a tablet Dr. Banner had leant you that you would like back.  You glanced towards the door, hoping to see it open to three men smiling and laughing with each other, not fighting about something as minor as yourself.  

                 With little else to do you went back to the bed and plopped down. A yawn broke free and you wished the fatigue phase of whatever your body was going through would speed up.  Your sense of time was so off that it was impossible to tell what time of the day it was.  In fact, all of your senses were off.  You couldn’t see the sun so thought you were facing east, but wouldn’t it be the opposite? You wanted the brain cloud to lift.  It seemed like the closer you were physically to Steve or James the better you could comprehend.  

                 The door to the room opened and you rose from the bed, your heart lurched forward as Steve stepped inside.  The need to hug him was too much and you ran over to him, slamming into him and hugging him as a safe feeling settled into your body.

                  “I’m sorry.”  You felt like tears were going to fall.

                  “Hey,” Steve rubbed your back. “You have nothing to be sorry about. I’m the one who should apologize.  You shouldn’t have seen Bruce and I fight like that.”

                  “For last night.”  You remembered calling him those names again and disgust at yourself settled afterwards.  

                 “No.”  His hand went up and down. “Don’t you worry about that. You didn’t do anything wrong. This will pass sooner than you know it and you will feel like this all the time.”

                  “STEVE?”  Dr. Banner’s voice came from downstairs.

                 “Bruce wants to speak to you for a little bit.” Steve moved his hands down your arms. “Do you want to talk to him?”  

                 The instinct to ask Steve for permission or what he thought came forward, but you knew that wasn’t the right answer.  You thought about it and wouldn’t mind speaking to your mentor, besides, he did sound concerned and if Steve or James had an issue with it they would have sent him away.  You nodded your head and released your Alpha.  He folded your hand into his and led you out of the room.  

                 Both James and Dr. Banner were at the bottom of the stairs.  You didn’t like the eyes on you and tried to position yourself behind Steve.  When you reached the bottom you wanted to cling to Steve’s arm, but Dr. Banner wasn’t scary or a threat.  He was your friend.

                 “I’ll walk you guys to the couch.”  Steve led the way to the back left of the giant open space that was the first floor.   The couch was built into the floor and you had to take a step down.  

                  Steve walked you to a corner and you took a seat on the plush fabric.  You had never been to this part of the apartment before.  It was below Steve’s room and the ceiling was much lower here than the kitchen.  Bruce took a seat on the other side of the circular couch.  You would have a perfect view of the kitchen while he got the skyline.

                  “We’ll be right over there.  Call if you need anything.”  Steve gave your hand a kiss.  

                 Your eyes went wide.  You didn’t expect him to leave, but James was already in the kitchen and you assumed Steve was joining him.  They wouldn’t be far and at least you could see them.  It was so sweet of your Alphas to let you have some privacy with your old friend, even though he was a man and you knew they blamed him for hiding you.  They were always putting your needs first.  You felt a warmth in your heart and a smile spread across your face.

                  “How are you?” Dr. Banner asked, snapping your attention back to him.  His mouth hung open and his eyes looked a little droopy.

                  “Don’t worry about me Dr. Banner.”  You nodded your head. “I’m doing great.  Probably feeling the best I’ve ever felt in my life.”

                 “For the millionth time, drop the Dr. Banner and please call me Bruce.”  He glanced over his shoulder at your two Alphas.  They looked deep in conversation and you realized you would rather be with them. “I’m so sorry.  This is all my fault.”

                 “What are you talking about?”  Your attention went back to Bruce.

                 “I made a promise to you, that I would protect your secret, that you would be safe here.”  Bruce ran his hands across his face. “I broke that promise before the first month was up.  I want to make it up to you.  I snuck some of your pills.”

                 He reached into his pocket and you started shaking your head.  Steve would be so angry if he heard that and you did not want the two men to fight anymore.

                 “I don’t want them.”  Your stomach turned at the idea of anything but water anyway.

                 How long had you been off of them?  Three? Maybe five days? Maybe a week?  With all your sleeping you had no idea.  

                 “Y/N.” Bruce leaned forward. “You don’t have to do this.  I can find a way to get you out of here.  I’ll take you wherever you want, get you back on your regime.”

                 “So I can live alone? Focus on nothing but my job that I can’t even excel at or publish too many papers or I will get shut down or found out again?  I wasn’t even living.  I was going through the motions.”  You let out a sigh, he was a beta he couldn’t understand. Then it triggered, maybe he could. “What does it feel like when your other half takes over?”

                 “Like I’m trapped in a body watching a movie about my life that I can’t take part of.” Bruce fidgeted on the couch. “Or sometimes like nothing.  When he’s gone it’s like I had a dream that I can only remember pieces of.”

                 “Not as extreme, but that is how I feel when I think back to all those years on the pills.” You swallowed before continuing. “I was trying to fight my nature and create my own that I never realized what it was that I wanted.  I couldn’t even bother to ask myself that.”

                 “No.”  Bruce moved closer to you.  “That’s not true.  A week ago you were a confident scientist who didn’t depend on her emotions.  Now you’re letting two guys share you and dictate your life.  I can see you watching them Y/N, like you don’t even want to have a conversation with me, like you’re a devoted Omega.”

                 “What’s wrong with being devoted?  What’s wrong with being an omega?” You tried to control your emotions, ignoring the more insulting parts of his statement.  

                 “Look at this from an objective point of view. You had control over your life and now you’re being controlled by your nature…” Bruce started counting down his fingers.

                 “So what?” You didn’t want to hear what he had to say on the topic. “I’m happy now.  They’ll take care of me.  Soon they will claim me and we’ll…”

                 “Can two Alphas lay claim to a single Omega?” Bruce interrupted.

                 You frowned and looked away, regretting not maintaining that information.  

                 “We will figure something out.” You folded your arms. “Trust me, I’m happy.  This is for the best.”

                 “Oh my God.”  Bruce’s eyes went wide. “You don’t know anything about Alphas and Omegas, do you?”

                 “I cared more about the science behind genetics.” You shook your head. “This is all foreign to me. The last thing I remember learning about them was in high school, and then when I didn’t present there was no need to remember.  I dedicated the brain space to other knowledge.”

                 “Phew.”  Bruce let out a breath and leaned back against the couch. “I think you have it wrong Y/N.  I think this version of you, the omega version, is me as the Hulk.”

                 “I’m not two separate entities.” You shook your head. “It’s just me, and this version of me is what I should be.  By stopping those pills my Hulk disappeared.”

                 Bruce looked sad, but he nodded his head.  What you said finally seemed to sink in for him.

                 “You won’t be able to help in the lab, not in this state.” Bruce eyed you up and down. “Once you’ve been claimed, will you come back?”

                 “Of course.” You smiled, stopping yourself from adding the limitation of Steve and James’ approval. “My brains didn’t go to moosh. I still know how to analyze data and create compounds. None of that went away.  I’m not some stupid little girl.”

                 “I never said you were.” Bruce went to stand up. “If you’re truly happy, I’m happy for you, but the second you want your pills back, snap and I will come running.”

                 You gave a small smile as confirmation, hiding the eye roll.  Bruce thought you were a moron all of a sudden?  He didn’t even realize that your formula was based on predictive blood patterns. If you wanted go back on them you would have to retool the ingredients.  What he had in his pocket would no longer work for you.  Bruce had your formulas and knew the research that you were preforming for him, you didn’t understand how he could not grasp such a rudimentary concept.

                  “I am.”  You grinned. “Truly, don’t worry about me.”

                 Bruce led the way off of the couches and towards the kitchen.  James wore a blank look, but you thought he was trying to hide a bit of smugness while Steve looked more nervous.  You didn’t like that look on him and went to his side, sliding under his strong arm and wrapping your hands around his waist.  The movement seemed to calm him down and he gave you a light squeeze.

                 “I promised I’d back off.”  Bruce held his hands in the air as he walked towards the elevator. “Y/N let me know if you need anything.  I’ll try to calm Tony down, but take care of the claiming ASAP, what you’re doing is still illegal.”

                 Steve seemed to lighten up and James had a smile cross his face.  Illegal, you didn’t like the idea of that.  You were the one who had misbehaved, not either of your Alphas. The elevator arrived and Bruce waved as he left.  You hated to admit it, but you felt some relief at his absence.  

                 “Are you alright Doll?”  James walked around the counter towards you and Steve. “Did he upset you?”

                 “No…I mean yes…I mean I’m alright, no he did not upset me.”  You relaxed your grip on Steve. “I don’t want to get you two in trouble.”

                 “We’re not in trouble.”  Steve squeezed you again. “Don’t worry about us. It’s our job to worry about you.”

                 “I don’t think it’s so one sided.” You couldn’t help but smile, making sure they knew you did care about them. “I wish that I never took those stupid pills, that I was a normal Omega.  That you could mark me right now and we could move on with our lives, together.”

                 “It hasn’t even been a full week yet.”  Steve let out a calming purr, making his chest vibrate.  Your body relaxed against his. “You’ve already made great progress.  Down from four and a half hours to six hours.”  

                 Six hours.  One of them had to love you every six hours or the insanity would come back. No wonder you were so sore.  Sore, but grateful.  James must have seen your discomfort.

                 “How about that bath Doll?”  James held out a hand. “I want to get to know you a little better.”

                 You looked up at Steve who nodded, as you grabbed James’ hand and let him pull you into his arms.  

                 “What if you don’t like me?”  You locked eyes with James.  

                 His blue eyes sparkled as he laughed and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

                 “What if you don’t like me?”  He grinned down at you.

                 “I don’t think that’s possible.”  He started walking towards the stairs. “Tell me everything.”  

                 “Everything?” You let him lead you away.

                 “Your entire life.”  He started up a step.

                 You weren’t one to over share, but the way he guided you up the steps, watching you while watching out for you at the same time made you melt and at that moment you would do anything to make this man happy.

[journalxxx]

An Epilogue of Sorts

Inspired by this idea I had some time ago.

After finishing his shower, Stan went back to the bedroom to find Ford napping on the bottom bunk, hands resting on his stomach and one leg dangling over the side of the bed. He was still wearing the mask, as he had promised he would - with the obnoxious tone and expression of a patient parent indulging a petulant child - after Stan had threatened to spray the whole air tank on his face and flash-freeze his sideburns. Stan walked up to the bed as he finished drying his hair, his vague, remaining worries duly subdued by the sight of a thin veil of condensation rhytmically clouding and vanishing from the inner side of the mouthpiece. Nevertheless, he bent down to squeeze his brother's shoulder. Ford's eyes opened almost immediately.

"...Mh?" "Hey. Bathroom's free. You good?" "...Yes, yes. I was just resting for a moment." He yawned, took off the mouthpiece and reached out to turn off the air nozzle, countering Stan's annoyed glance with a challenging glare of his own. Stan didn't comment on it, gauging that that was as much as he could hope to get away with. "You sure?" "Yes. Just a mild headache. It's to be expected, I'll be as good as new by tomorrow morning." Stan grumbled some semblance of agreement. His spine gave a painful twinge and he straightened himself up, massaging his lower back. There would be hell to pay the following day for all that emergency weight-lifting, he could already tell. He sat down on the bed tiredly, waving away Ford's offer to get up and leave the bed free for its rightful owner. He didn't mind the appropriation at all; in fact, in any other occasion, the sight of his brother casually borrowing his sleeping space would have sparked some very questionable trains of thoughts in his head. That entire day had entailed a level of physical closeness that he would have otherwise found very suggestive, but near-death experiences had their way of stripping all the fun from the little joys life bestowed. Stan kept brushing the towel on his head in silence, the unfortunate accidents of the day playing in the back of his head. Ford appeared to be lost in a similar contemplation as he stared intently at the bunk above. It was him who broke the silence, a few minutes later. "Did you run into any forks while you were carrying me out?" "No, there was only one path to follow. At least there was no risk of getting lost." "No strange holes or secondary routes that you couldn't reach?" "I don't think so." Ford hummed pensively. "Curious. We didn't see any in the first half of the cavern either. Creatures like the one that attacked us usually hunt rather close to their nest, but we didn't run into it while exploring, nor did we notice any alcoves that could lead to a hidden colony in the cave." "And how isn't that very good news?" "There may be one outside. We'll have to scout the outer area surrounding the cave to make sure we eradicate all of them. Or I may be wrong, and there may be no colony at all. I'm not sure, I couldn't get a good look at the creature during all that ruckus." Stan groaned, glaring at Ford in annoyance. "Dammit, we just barely got out of that hellhole, and you're already planning another trip?" "Well, of course. We came here to look for anomalies, and that's exactly what we found. There wouldn't be any point in leaving before getting to the bottom of it." "Well, not dying, for one. That's always a good starting point." Ford rolled his eyes. "Of course, we're not going to rush in there again without due preparation. Judging by the locals' tales, I was expecting some sort of magic curse against curious tomb raiders. The kind of threat we found involves a much more physical brand of aggression. We'll need to reconsider our weaponry and set up the biological scanner-" "Yeah, yeah, but honestly this looks a bit too big for the two of us. If you are right and there is a nest, there might be hundreds of those face-huggers, and I don't feel like playing pest control with a swarm of flesh-eating aliens." "I don't think their number should be too exaggerated. The local fauna seems to be numerous and varied, while a large amount of such vicious predators would have practically exterminated it in a very short time." "...Right." Stan sighed, chiding himself for even trying to oppose his brother with logical reasoning. He never came out on top on that field. "How about we just... go back to the village and report instead? We tell them there's a scary carnivorous monster in the cave and that they should stay very, very far from it, which they already kind of do, and that's it." "That may make them more cautious, but it wouldn't solve the problem. Need I remind you that that thing or its relatives have already claimed victims in the past? And that most of those victims- " Ford's tone raised slightly, cutting off Stan as he opened his mouth to reply, "were curious kids who knew perfectly of the legends and decided to explore it anyway out of sheer curiosity? That sounds familiar to you too, I bet." Stan's mouth snapped closed and he shoot an irritated glance at his brother, who always seemed to know exactly which heartstrings to pull. He shook his head, raising his hands in mock surrender. "Fine! Fine, we're dealing with the man-eating octopus. But we need to set some serious ground rules first." Ford raised an eyebrow, becoming the very embodiment of skeptical surprise. "Ground rules?" "Yeah. First and foremost-" Stan continued testily, pointing a warning finger at his brother, "no more self-sacrificing bullshit talk. For any reason. Seriously Ford, what the hell was that about? Even people in horror movies know that splitting up in dangerous situations is an incredibly stupid idea." Ford frowned and crossed his arms, somehow managing to look down on his brother even while lying on the bed. "That depends entirely on the circumstances. If two people are stuck in a dire situation with no escape route, then yes, teaming up grants the highest chance of survival. But if one of them is somewhat incapacitated, and the other has the chance to reach out for help, then-" "Are you fucking nuts? What did you want me to do, dump your unconscious ass in a corner and stroll out while the octopus was busy munching your face?" "Of course not, you knucklehead!" Ford's tone and expression was getting increasingly aggravated, but Stan couldn't really bring himself to care about that, not with the kind of idiocies his brother was suggesting. "I mean that I should have stopped earlier, when I first suggested it! If you hadn't been so goddamn insistent on dragging me along-" "Oh right, sorry! You had everything under control, didn't you? No matter if you couldn't string two sentences together without gasping for air, totally a minor and insignificant inconvenience that one-" "In fact yes, it was, because I wouldn't have needed to do anything but remaining very still and very quiet, measuring my breaths and blasting whatever tried to approach me - all things that I'm very proficient in, in case you haven't noticed. But no, you just had to waste both our time, air, and energy by forcing me to march onwards! If the tunnel had been longer-" "If the tunnel had been longer- "Stan burst out loudly, positively seething, "I would have run out of air, collapsed and been eaten alongside you by the stupid alien. And you know what? I find that possibility infinitely preferable than making my way out, coming back with your precious help, and finding where I left you only a goddamn pair of glasses, or a bloody piece of cloth, or fucking nothing whatsoever. Because I've already lost track of you twice by mistake, and it took me no less than a goddamn decade to have a single shot at finding you again after each time, and I have the strong suspicion that the next time it happens, it will be the last. So please excuse me if I try to stave off the possibility for as long as I can!" Ford blinked up at him in shock, and it was only after silence fell that Stan realized that his tone had grown way past the conversational level. He huffed in frustration, throwing the towel on his head again, more to block Ford out of his visual field than to do anything else. He felt his brother shift on the bed, moving to sit up beside him on its edge. When Ford spoke again, his tone held none of the anger of their previous argument. "In all honesty, you're the last person who should be telling anyone off about self-sacrifice, don't you think?" It took Stan a frankly embarassing amount of time to catch onto the meaning of his brother's words. He shook his head grimly. "That was different. He would have never kept his word if you had given him what he wanted, and everyone was going on about apocalypses, end of the world, and all that magic balderdash... That was really desperate." "True." Ford's gaze dropped to the floor as he absently rubbed his palm on his knee. "Is that where you draw the line? Is immolation only justified in exchange for the safety of the universe?" Stan snorted, barely managing to avoid bursting out laughing in his brother's face. "I don't give a fuck about the universe, Ford." "...No, I suppose you wouldn't. You did spend thirty years trying to figure out how to tear it apart, and almost succedeed, after all." Stan rolled his eyes. "You just have to keep bringing that up, do you?" Ford chuckled, raising his hand apologetically. "I'm just trying to say that there are some blatant double-standards in your moral code, you'll surely agree." "First off, I'm simply offended by the fact that you think I have one. Second, what's so difficult to understand? I just don't like problems in my family." He shrugged, genuinely amused by Ford's surprised expression. "You fell into a wormhole, so I had to bring you back, the rest of the universe be damned. And the triangle was going to wreck your head, and- and he was after the kids. A right hook to the eye was the least he should have expected." Ford frowned slightly, and he seemed to pick his next words with an uncharacteristic slowness. "I thought I didn't fit in that particular group at that point in time. You said so yourself." "And you believed it?" Stan sighed, looking at Ford in exasperation. "God, now I see how you got in such deep shit with that demon. You shouldn't believe everything sketchy conmen whisper in your ear, you know." "I'm pretty sure you didn't whisper anything. You barked it in my face in the middle of the hallway. Loudly. Jabbing me with your finger." "And here I thought you'd appreciate the figure of speech." The corners of Ford's mouth turned upwards for a brief moment, then they fell back to a somewhat somber expression. He kept staring at the floor, his tone dropping lower still as he spoke again. "...I did mean it though. When I told you to pack your stuff and leave. Not that it didn't start weighing on my mind within the next two days, but... mostly I regretted the tone of our reunion, and my rather aggressive behavior. Not my position, nor the correctness of my judgement." "...Look, if this is some convoluted way to make me bail out on you the next time something tries to eat you, I guess you may be onto something, but-" Ford shook his head and continued, barely acknowledging Stan's interruption. "As to what happened in the Fearamid... It was our only chance to get an advantage on him. The stakes were too high not to give it a shot. It just... made perfect sense to try, so I took your idea in stride as promptly as I would have if my own life had been on the line. I... must say though... that if I had imagined how sour such a victory would have felt, I wouldn't have been so resolute." Stan didn't quite know what to make of that bizarre set of declarations, which seemed to warrant a mixed bag of comforting and punching. He reached some sort of compromise with an awkward pat on his brother's forearm, but that didn't stop that unexpected burst of sincerity. "I thought it was the right move. I still do. The safety of the kids, the destruction of a vicious and powerful entity, the very existence of an entire universe... This is worth more than any single person's life, for sure. Although, as of now, I wouldn't even consider trading yours for anything less. So... I suppose I can see your point in this whole thing." Stan blinked, his confusion turning in mild disbelief. The whole point of that long-winded speech, which included a few heartfelt confessions and a couple of backhanded appreciations, was a simple agreement. Apparently Ford hadn't lost his knack for ill-timed and unfortunate wording. Yet, Ford's words held a kind of honest affection than Stan had only dreamt of hearing for longer than he could remember, and it was more than enough to make him smile in return. "...Good. We have a deal then." "Yes. And it goes both ways, obviously." "I can work with that." They both smiled, and Stan felt the tension of the earlier argument finally vanishing. Only to be replaced by a different kind of tension, one that was both new and familiar. It had been happening for quite some time, without warning, whenever they happened to look at each for few seconds too long, or to stand a bit too close in the cramped spaces of the ship, or for no discernible reason at all. Stan had long since acknowledged the nature of that tension, and whether Ford had recognised it or not, there was doubt on the fact that he was aware of it too, to some degree. "Well, I really need a shower too. Do you mind fixing dinner in the meantime?" Like almost every time, Ford gracefully shattered the atmosphere and stood up almost immediately, clearing his throat and heading to the opposite side of the room to rummage in his drawers. Like almost everytime, Stan didn't have the balls not to roll with it. "Sure. I'll try frying that weird eel the people at the village love so much." "Sounds good." Ford piled a few clean clothes on one arm and strode to the door, but he stopped and hesitated on the threshold. He turned to look at his brother for a moment, his tone suddenly softer and more throughtful. "Thank you." Stan smiled. That, at least, had no awkward nuances or hidden meanings that he couldn't see upfront. "Any time, Sixer."

[asimlishpixel]

Kichirou’s interview for @futurecarrie‘s DRSE 2!

1.)    What is the most important thing to them? (meaning a person or thing specifically i.e. friends/family)

Himself. He can’t count on anything to stay except himself, so he tries to not bond with people or things. That also means that he won’t end up hurting anyone because they got caught in his bad luck. It’s just easier to be a lone wolf.

(his family is actually incredibly important to him, and that is exactly why he cuts them off; so he won’t hurt them. More on that later in the interview)

2.)    Do they have any deep, dark secrets? What are they? Is their biggest secret the fact they killed someone, or is it more like they wet the bed until they were 8?

His personality is mostly just a facade. He tries to seem like he doesn’t care, and hates everyone, but he does care. A lot too. He just doesn’t wanna hurt anyone and doesn’t wanna hurt himself, by getting attached to something he could lose. He keeps this a secret from everyone, and he has a hard time admitting it to himself, too. 

Other than that, he can’t swim. He has tried to learn it, but he still just slowly sinks.

3.)    If something bad happened (i.e. their mum was killed), are they more likely to cry or get angry?

Angry. He stopped crying a long time ago, now he mostly bottle it up, and eventually let it all out in a burst of blinding rage. When he is angry, he makes even rasher decisions than normally. 

4.)    What’s one of their favourite generic items (meaning something that isn’t special to them in any way, but if someone gave it them they’d be very happy)?

Rings. He loves rings, and always wears some! And sour candy too, he prefers it over anything sweet, really.

5.)    What is one of their least favourite generic items (again meaning something that isn’t special/unique to them (like a chocolate bar or something))?

Fridge magnets. Small boxes. What do you do with them? They just take up space, and he can’t ever find any good use for them.

6.)    What’s their relationship like with their parents?

His parents loves him, no matter what. But like everyone else in his life, he shuts them out. He does love them, he truly does, but he is too scared to realize that. Because if he does, eventually they will either a. see how horrible he really is, and how skewed his morals often can be, or b. his bad luck will appear in the form of hurting them. He always does this if he cares about someone. Ignore them, avoid them, anything to let them at least be safe from him. It’s easier if they dislike him because he left, than if they dislike him for thing that he can’t change about himself. 

7.)    Do they have any fans (if their talent permits them to have fans)? Do they like said fans?

He doesn’t have any, but if he had, he wouldn’t like it. Too much attention. Besides, he knows how some fans can put their idol on a pedestal, and he doesn’t belong on one.

8.)    Do they have any siblings? How do they feel about said siblings?

Nope, only child. When he was still small, he badly wanted a sibling, but not any longer. 

9.)    What three words would they use to describe themselves?

Clever, brave, chaotic. He know that he is both clever and brave, and would use both to describe himself to others. The chaotic is more of a warning, if people don’t know him. He tries to tell people what they can expect. But there will always be that little inside voice, saying lonely as the third word. He would never tell others that though. 

10.)  What three words would others use to describe them?

Strange is a popular one, that he has gotten used to hearing whispers of. wherever he goes. Lucky or unlucky are also what people quickly notice about him. He also often leaves an impression of being slightly scary, or just intimidating.

11.) Any fears?

He has a fear of birds, and especially hates it when they fly up, or towards him. He doesn’t mind if they’re just walking around or flying far away, though he will still keep an eye out for them. Other than that, flying. He has never flown before, but he is sure that if he did, his luck could very well make the plane crash.

12.) If they were offered 1,000,000 of their currency to do something immoral, would they do it?

Without a second thought. He is used to doing “wrong” things all the time anyways, and of course it would bring bad luck, but he likes the thrill. Besides his money situation is... always changing from extreme wealth to nearly nothing. It’s one of the classics for his luck to change.

13.)  What’s their stance on religion?

He doesn’t follow any religion. Kichirou also don’t believe that there’s any gods or higher beings. Except he have always felt like his luck was a... ‘thing’? it has the ability to judge him, so it must be some kind of thing, even if he doesn’t really know what that would be. 

14.) What’s their stance on the supernatural?

Again, he don’t believe in that kind of stuff, except for the constant feeling that his luck might be more that just luck, but an actual thing that can judge what is good and bad. Of course he would never tell anyone about this, but keep his ‘The supernatural is a bunch of nonsense’ attitude.

15.)  If they had one day left to live, what would they do?

Constantly switching between freezing up and just thinking about death and his life, not being able to do anything out of sheer panic, and running around trying to do everything he wants to do before dying. He would want to contact his parents, but also he wouldn’t wanna hurt them, and reconnecting a day before dying would be cruel. He would definitely be very split.

16.)  What makes the earth turn according to them: Money or love (or is it because when the earth was a gas cloud it started to spin and hasn’t quite grown out of that phase yet) ?

According to Kichirou, the world goes around because of money. He knows that it is super important, but he doesn’t care much for it. himself. He wished that love would make the earth turn, but he just doesn’t think that it’s really true.

17.)  Knowledge, power or relationships: what’s the most important?

Knowledge. Power is boring, and so unlike everything he has ever experienced, with so little control in his life. And he has proved relationships to be unnecessary, living his life with few relationships. But knowledge will always be important to him, and he values it greatly. 

18.)  Do they like animals? What’s their favourite?

He do like animals. Sheeps are oddly cute and his favourite too. He just can’t explain why, but their fluffy wool is adorable. Fluffy big dogs are good too. He also had a Norwegian Forest cat, when he was younger, that he loved to bits. It ran away at one point though. He also once saved a cat from a tree.

19.)  Any weird talents (besides their ultimate/shsl) that they’re secretly proud of (like rapping for example)?

Parkour. He loves the thrill from jumping and running fast between buildings. It’s also a great way to let out anger and energy. 

20.)  Tell me a random story about them!

This one is recent, actually from the day when he won the lottery to become SHSL Lucky Student. 

Kichirou had a weak moment, after having an especially rough day, and decided to ignore everything he had been doing for years... to visit his parents. It was a very quick and sudden choice, but he finally showed up at their doorstep after not having seen them in several years. Needless to say, his poor mother nearly fainted from seeing her dear son again. He got invited in, and though it was kind of awkward talking with his parents again, he enjoyed it. Nothing bad happened either! Almost regretting his temporary weakness on his way home, he got a phone call from Hope’s Peak, telling him, that he had won the spot as Lucky Student. What incredible good luck! What he thought was just a selfish wish to see his parents again, turned out to make them incredibly happy, and reward him with good luck.

21.) Do they have any illnesses or disabilities?

He doesn’t have anything lasting, but he tends to have some illnesses that comes and goes, some more serious than others. Nothing ever really stays for long though, it’s another luck-aftereffect. He also doesn’t have any disabilities. 

22.)  Left handed or right handed?

Right handed. you could say he got lucky with that one huh

23.)  How would they react to being locked up in a school with no foreseeable time of leaving?

Blame his luck, but try to find a way out. He would not be the type to just give up and accept his fate, but instead use his wits to find clues as to what is going on.

24.) Will they miss their old high school? Why?

Not at all. There isn’t really any amazing memories related to it, so instead Kichirou is happy to turn a page and start over. He hopes that the new school will be better, and that he will be happier and more accepted there.

25.) Do they like the outdoors? If so, what’s their favourite outdoor activity and any memories linked to that?

He do like being outside. Walks are nice, especially for thinking, which he does a lot of, but his favourite is doing parkour. Forgetting all of those damn thoughts and just living in the moment. Sometimes he needs to think, and sometimes he needs to not think at all. Depends on his mood. 

26.) How important is their talent to them? Does it not mean much or would they die for it?

It’s not really easy to think about life without his luck. Of course, not much would be different if he just lost the title as Lucky Student, but his luck altogether? He would be a completely different person altogether, not having to constant think about actions and what would happen to him, and everyone around him. So of course it means a ton to him, but maybe... he would be happier without it. The daring and brave side of him would miss it, but he would also be able to be much more social and live a normal life. 

[thecrystalauthor]

For All of Us [Part 3]

Jane might not’ve mined Chao's fumble if the name hadn't been so familiar.

“Summoner, summoner, what is a summoner?” She murmured as she grabbed her laptop and typed it in. She was bombarded with nothing but lore and scary stories.

A summoner is a person born with that innate ability to bridge the gap between our world and the spirit world, releasing any demons or monsters that lie within.

Jane stared at the wiki page she'd opened. No wonder these monsters are so rare. She thought, I just happen to be one of a few that can summon them. Jane spent all night looking at the legends of summoners, and hardly even noticed when her alarm went off for work.

“Hmm?” She turned to her phone, “shit.”

She stood and got dressed, rushing into the living room.

“Hey Chao.” Jane looked at the chiseled monster sitting on her couch eating plain toast. She cringed internally at this, but said nothing due to the nature of her next question.

“Can you, uh, make me a millionaire?” She looked away at the obvious wish, and Chao simply continued eating as he replied.

“Of course I could,” he started, “but money is a finite object, even to me, so to give you millions, is completely unfair by what you've given me.” Jane frowned and looked at the floor.

“I don't really need millions, it was just an example I guess. I don't wanna live in a big house or anything, hell I'll stay in my apartment here, I just don’t want to go back to work.”

Chao snorted.

“You don't need me for that, just get another job.”

“I'm not really qualified for much, and my appearance makes me,” Jane paused “a little less than desirable,” she admitted. Chao simply grinned.

“What if I got you a job?”

Jane looked up at him, confused.

“You work with me as a summoner and I'll pay you handsomely. You can quit your job, and I'll have some extra help.”

As perfect as the deal sounded, Jane hesitated. Deals with the devil, were generally bad ideas after all. On one hand, she felt like she could trust Chao, on the other, that's often what monsters intend. As if reading her thoughts, or perhaps the look of panic and shock on her face, Chao spoke.

“Y'know it's just a job, you can even quit whenever you want. Not that you'll want to.” He grinned and Jane relaxed slightly.

“How'd you know I looked it up?” Jane asked, Chao had seemed all but willing to talk about her being a summoner last night.

“I keep a few spare pieces in your bedroom so I can spy on you.”

Jane's face went pale.

“Yeah don't do that.”

“Hmm?”

“I change in there! You can't watch me!”

“I believe were gone over the fact I don't care already”

“Well I do, take your stupid wood and get it out of my bedroom!” Jane glared at Chao, who simply tried not to laugh at the unintentional joke Jane had made, “oh you don't understand privacy, but you understand that.”

“Alright,” Chao relented, “if it bothers you that much I'll leave your room alone.” Chao stepped into Jane's bedroom to her mild discomfort, and stepped back out with an arm full of his pieces. Jane watched as he set them on a table and they crawled off into hiding spots like little bugs.

“The hell, Chao?” Was all Jane could manage

“Well I need to keep them somewhere, and I watch you here all the time, you shouldn't have a problem with it.”

Jane finally gave in and just picked up the phone.

“So I work for you now?”

Chao nodded and watched as Jane typed in a number.

“‘Eyy boss

Yeah

Yeah, I know I'm supposed to call in 2 hours early if I wanna call out sick

Yeah

Yeah I'm terribly sick

Sick of your garbage! I quit you protein shake infused, cat hating bastard!”

Jane slammed down the phone, terribly pleased with herself.

“Now for your first job I want you to go and kill him. Take his soul and bring it to me.” Chao insisted.

“What?! No!” Jane jumped back, and once again Chao laughed at her.

“You really think I'm a cold blooded monster don't you?”

“I uh,” Jane looked away guiltily.

“Look here Jane, to be a summoner you need to know only one thing. We aren't your enemies, I'm not your enemy. A demon's difference from a human is purely physical, occasionally magical.” He admitted.

“Then why were you all banished?” Jane asked, and Chao snorted.

“Why were we banished,” Chao repeated mockingly, “because we could be dangerous. We're not, and we have no intentions of being destructive, but our looks are too panic inducing, so we were banished.” Jane took a moment to think about this, but Chao kept going. “Humans fear what they don't understand, tell me summoner how many times you've ran from me, assumed I'm going to hurt you.”

“A couple,”Jane admitted, “but to be fair, I summoned you for-”

“And how many times have I done anything to deserve your fear. Tell me aside from my looks, how different I am from a human.”

“Well,” Jane tried to lighten the mood, “Nothing, but I've never been a fan of humans either.”

The intense look Chao had fixed on her suddenly faded. Chao howled with laughter, he had to sit down as his pieces shook.

“Was it really that funny?” Jane asked.

“No, I guess not,” Chao managed, “but now I know you’ll be great at your job.”

“Jane I need to tell you something.”

Jane looked up at her beast companion, who was donning several layers of human clothes in order to conceal himself. She didn't quite understand what was going on. Chao had simply told her they were going to the art museum, and dressed himself up to disguise. Seeing as any knowledge was welcome at the moment, she gazed at him expectantly.

“You are no longer Jane Cadamy, and I want you to act as such,” his response made her regret asking, even if it was non verbally, but he continued anyway, “you are a summoner. Everyone in the world depends on you now, so no matter what, stay safe. Anyone you lose is nothing compared to the risk of losing you.” Chao stared at her intensely, in a way that made Jane nervous, she hadn't seen him look this way before, and it seemed off compared to how he'd been the past few days.

“Even you?” Jane asked, sure the cocky demon would admit he was an exception.

“Even me.”

Jane paused, simply watching Chao continue towards the museum. Dark clouds coated the sky, silhouetting Chao in it’s dark light.

“Come on summoner, we have to get there before it starts storming.”

Jane’s voice was caught in her throat. She wanted to tell him to use her name, that she wasn’t only what her job deemed her to be, that he was being ridiculous, that this storm seemed awfully purple compared to most. She couldn’t say anything though, and Chao simply took her hand and nudged her along.

“Stay close to me, she can sense us.”

Jane stopped, confused and scared. This couldn’t be the same Chao from this morning, had he really tricked her, did it matter? When Chao turned around to grab her again, He saw the fear glued to Jane’s face. She was like a little girl again, hiding behind her father’s leg from the monsters in the closet. Chao sighed and took her hand once more, but he didn’t pull.

“Sometimes it’s hard to remember summoner’s don’t keep their memories,” Chao tried to hold Jane with his second arm, but she stepped away, “I get it you’re scared. Who wouldn’t be? But you’re ok.” Jane looked away from him until his third arm cupped her face and pointed it towards his own. “Jane. You’re ok.” Jane felt slightly calmed, enough to walk, enough to question.

“I’ll go with you when you explain why we’re here.” Jane stated.

Chao paused, before answering.

“Because she needs help.”

“Who?”

“Giuliana. Another monster.”

“Are there other summoners?”

“Not now, they’re all dead except you.”

“How’d she get here?”

“The last one trapped her.”

“Are summoners reincarnated?”

Chao froze at that last one, causing Jane to bump into him. She would’ve questioned him, if not for the fact they were at their destination. Jane gazed up at the swirling, thundering cloud that circled the museum like a shark waiting to strike. She held Chao’s hand. Jane didn’t want to be with her alone.

[new-face-of-fear]

Ritual

The incident with Randy on Tuesday had left most of the family feeling a bit better than they had been since the fire. They felt like their message had been sent. They felt like the man who had come to their home and violated the sanctity of Abigail’s gravesite had come to realize just who he had messed with. They believed that Bray would go to war for them, and carry the family into greater glory and strength than ever before.

Isabella though, noticed that not everything was totally well. Bray’s mental state was still on the unhinged side. And the new….thing he was carrying around had people worried. Erick and Catrina had been exchanging more and more nervous glances between them. The appearance of it had made Isaac visibly uncomfortable, though he hadn’t really spoken as to why. Isabella had tried to ask Bray what it was, but even she hadn’t been able to get a good answer out of him. He had just said she could think of it as his scepter and then walked away, humming under his breath.

It was with these things weighing on her that she found herself following him and Elijah out to the burned remains of the shack resting over Abigail’s grave. Bray hadn’t wanted to be around Isaac for some reason (it had to do with a fight he had with Luke before Smackdown, but that was all she had been able to hear before Cat realized she was eavesdropping and told Erick they would talk about it later), and Elijah had said he would help out in his place. She felt fairly certain Erick and Cat didn’t know that this was part of his “helping”, because they surely wouldn’t have allowed it. Especially not Cat. She didn’t like it when Bray tried to go anywhere near the grave. She had been heard telling Erick that she thought it made him worse, and Isabella was pretty sure she agreed.

She had nearly caught up to them when she realized she wasn’t the only one following them. Braun was on their trail as well, and when they both saw each other, they paused and glared, each one trying to get the other to go away without saying a word. Braun didn’t think she should be anywhere near there because she was a kid, and Erick had told him to help keep her away. She meanwhile, thought she had more of a reason than anyone to know what was going on because Bray was her daddy. She was tired of always being kept in the dark. She loved Bray just as much as any of them. She loved him even more than all of them. She was going to know what was going on whether they liked it or not.

The sound of thunder rumbling brought their staredown to a screeching halt. They looked up at the sky, which had been perfectly clear up until now. Now heavy clouds had formed, blocking out the sun and making it look like it was about to start storming heavily. They looked back at each other, the confusion on their faces completely mutual.

Bray’s voice carried out, his words ones that Isabella was sure weren’t real. The sound of them made her and Braun’s decision for them, and they went into the remains of the shed together, finding Bray on his knees, one hand braced in the dirt while the other held his scepter thing in his other. He had his back to where the door once stood, so he didn’t see Isabella and Braun approaching. Elijah however, who was standing not very far from where the door to the shed once stood, did. He glared at the both of them, the look in his eyes clearly meaning for them to get out. Braun merely glared back at him, while Isabella walked up to him, tugging on his pant leg until he looked down at her.

“What’s Daddy doing?” she whispered the question, taking a glance over at Bray to see if she was disturbing him. He hadn’t so much as paused his muttering in the slightest bit.

“Ritual,” Elijah replied, his voice gruff even as he whispered.

“What kind of ritual?”

For a moment, it didn’t seem like Elijah was going to answer. It wasn’t until Braun stepped closer to him, the threat on his face going unspoken that the other man sighed and relented. “Saw Abigail do this a couple times. Only when she needed it. Needed….power. Reinforcement. Before war.”

“War?” Braun’s voice was nowhere near a whisper, and Isabella turned around and smacked him in the gut. If Bray had noticed all this going on, he sure as hell wasn’t acting like it. He was still on his knees, muttering faster in tongues than he had been before.

“Last time it was when a law man coming for us. He was relentless. Corrupt even for them. She did this before we went to his house–her, me, Isaac, Bray….he wasn’t ever a problem for us ever again after that.”

“….So it’s gonna make him stronger?” Isabella frowned, not fully understanding all this.

“Or it’s summoning something that will.” Elijah shrugged at the looks they gave him. “I know she found it before the family existed. I know she felt a reason to keep it locked away, and I know he ain’t ever busted it out himself until now. I don’t pretend to understand what the hell this thing even is, because I don’t want to know. That’s for him to worry about, not me.”

That was all very far away from reassuring. Isabella moved so she could go stand in front of Bray, ignoring Elijah and Braun’s words for her to stay back. She didn’t want to stay back. This was her daddy. She wanted to be right there. She shivered as she stared at him. His eyes were closed, his words falling down to a hoarse whisper. She still didn’t understand a single one he was saying. She really didn’t like that. “Daddy?” She swallowed hard and started to reach a hand out to touch him.

“Isabella.” Braun came around to stand next to her, shaking his head. “Leave him. We’re going back to the house.”

Isabella ignored him, instead putting her hand on Bray’s shoulder. “Daddy?”

Bray finally opened his eyes, and the sight of large, black orbs staring back at her instead of his normal blue ones made her scream and jump back. Even Braun, who wasn’t a man who scared easily at all, let out a startled string of curse words. There was still a complete lack of awareness from Bray though. He was staring right at them, but it was like he wasn’t seeing them at all. He stuck his stick thing in the ground and stripped himself of his shirt, his movements almost robotic like. His hand was going in his pocket now, pulling out  his switchblade.

“Daddy?” Isabella shook her head, already trying to move towards him. She was barely aware of Elijah grabbing her while also trying to hold back Braun, his plea for them to not go too close when he was like this on deaf ears. “Daddy? Da–DADDY!”

Bray dragged the blade against his chest, creating a deep cut over where his heart was. Blood poured from the wound, though he hardly seemed to notice. He grabbed the stupid stick of his–the stick Isabella hated now because it was making him be scary like this. This wasn’t like her daddy. She wanted to shake him and make him stop this right now. She tried to fight off Elijah, but he wasn’t letting her go. All she could do was watch as Bray grabbed his thing again, his chanting getting louder again. He pressed the symbol on it–she still didn’t know if it was an X or a cross because it looked like both depending on which way he held it–against his bloody chest. It wasn’t an action Isabella thought much of at first. It wasn’t until a moment later, when she heard a sizzling sound that she took another look. The thing was turning a brighter and brighter red the longer he held it against him, and now she could smell burning flesh–it was burning him, he was burning himself.

“What the FUCK?” Braun’s voice boomed loudly, startling Isabella. She barely had time to turn to face him before he was shoving Elijah completely off to the side, and nearly trampling her as he went to Bray. His instinctive actions were one of violence, backhanding Bray so hard he toppled over, the stick dropping from his hands in the process.

“Daddy!” Isabella scrambled over to Bray, skidding to a stop by him on her knees, leaning over him protectively as she glared at Braun. “You IDIOT! Don’t you ever hit my daddy again!”

“It made him stop, didn’t it?” Braun snapped back.

“But you hurt him!”

“He was already hurting himself!”

Well there was no arguing that point. Isabella looked down at Bray, who was blinking rapidly, his eyes slowly returning to their normal color. The burn mark of the symbol on his chest was already fading, becoming just another scar on his skin. The bleeding of his cut was slowing down, the wound cauterized by his last actions. How that thing got hot enough to do that without any presence of a flame she didn’t know. She didn’t want to know. She suddenly understood Luke and Braun’s aversion to this kind of thing a lot better now. “Daddy?”

Bray’s blinking stopped as he looked at her, a lazy smile crossing his face.

“Daddy are you okay?”

There wasn’t an immediate answer that. He pushed himself back up to his knees, taking a minute to trace his fingers over his chest–and then he was lurching forward, his hands going into the dirt, heaving and gagging wildly.

“DADDY!”

“Jesus fuck–go get Isaac!” Braun was all but hurling Elijah again, panic making his anger more pronounced.

“Daddy it’s okay.” Isabella rubbed Bray’s back, unable to hide the fact that she was crying. “It’s okay, it’s–” Her words halted as what he was trying to puke up started to come out. It wasn’t vomit like she expected. No. She had to blink several times to even believe what she was seeing, but no matter how many times she did it, the vision didn’t change.

Snake. It was a god damn snake.

It came out head first, its eyes as black as his had been just a little bit ago. It was just over a half a foot in length, the scales shiny even in the dimly lit area they were in. When it was finally free it slithered away, leaving Bray to collapse face first in the dirt, unable to hold himself up anymore. Isabella tried to turn him over, only succeeding when Braun knelt down to help her.

“What the shit god damn fuck was that shit?” Braun slapped Bray’s face repeatedly, trying to get him to come to. “Bray? BRAY!”

Bray didn’t respond. His chest was rising and falling, indicating life, but he was completely unconscious. Isabella wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into his chest, her sobs coming out uncontrollably.

“Fucking getting rid of that goddamn devil stick,” Braun growled. “Don’t care what he says.

Isabella couldn’t have agreed more if she tried.

[perfectackeracy]

considering what you've already written on the topic of eren's behavior during chapter 84 up until recently; what do you think of him as a character in general?

Eh, I’ll give my judgement when the story will be over. He is the main character after all and I feel like giving a judgement now would be too premature, despite us nearing the end of the manga. I’ve got the beginning but the end is absolutely necessary for me to answer your question properly.

Still, if you want something partial, but still long, follow me under the cut (too bad for mobile users because screw the interface right).

It truly depends of how Isayama writes him at the end, if he really intended him to be some normie who tried to be a hero and change things, but failed, or… something else. Indeed, the end heavily relies of what’s presented to us at the beginning:

“No… But I feel like I just had the longest dream.. What was it? Now I can’t remember…” - Ch.1

Flashback? Future vision? We all thought till chapter 89 came that future vision was bull. It took a whole chapter to suddenly invert the perspective. While there isn’t many chapters left, there’s still facts that are going to pop up that might suddenly change our perception of the characters forever.

…Just like mine with Eren in chapter 84.

I’d actually like the normie one because it would fit what Eren did at the beginning: joining the Survey Corps on a whim because he hates being confined and ended up inheriting a power considered absolute, realizing he made a huge mistake from the start.

It seems Isayama, who previously had a vague idea of what he wanted to do with him, found something more defined. If I recall correctly he felt inspired by Yuki Kaiji, the voice actor from Eren. He even told Araki to make him more pathetic than in the original manga, implying Eren was never meant to be the literal version of a hero, a character with admirable traits.

Usually, the typical shônen protagonist is a character who has a dream, since they were little and do almost anything in order to accomplish it, whether it is becoming the strongest, becoming somebody important, solving a mystery, finding somebody from your life who has gone missing, etc… Their personality vary from manga to manga, but it’s often the cheerful teenager, naive or hot-blooded, capable of being a simpleton due to his lack of experience but also the one who motivates people, is surrounded by his nakama and clashes with rivals and enemies.

The vengeful protagonist also exists, but they’re mostly present in dark shônen or shônen trying to deal with more mature themes without being labeled as a seinen. Eren registers in this category, while building the development of a typical shônen protagonist without exhibiting its qualities: he’s not full of dream and ambition, something a shônen MC should inspire in the heart of young boys. Instead, he’s described as being selfish, having a complex or no ambition at all.

As extra evidence, his highschool AU describes him as the frustrated normie who’s annoyed “in one way or another”. The fake preview from volume 22 describes him as neither belonging to the nerds or the jocks nor having any dreams or interests (it’s interesting how the formulation here ends in “もない” on the three sentences of the description, almost as if Eren meant nothing), despite the wannabe’s reputation being neutral. That’s kinda sad when you think about it actually, because at his core, he really needs to fuel his blank state.

Still, Isayama doesn’t make him wander around aimlessly in the canon storyline and managed to give him a purpose. He strangely carries themes like the Chosen One because people, specifically Grisha imposed that on him. Carla called her son special for the sole reason he was born into this world, that every human who sees the light of the day is considered special. 

Because he was frustrated about “Humanity’s submission against the titans”, that’s what prompted him to step out and defy the “imposed slavery” on him. He wasn’t always like that, though. Meeting and knowing Armin triggered that complex about him lacking ambition.

Eren and Armin meeting for the first time - Ch. 83

When he first met Armin, he befriended him fairly quickly because of their status as outcasts. Eren already showed signs of not belonging to the other kids, probably because he had trouble sharing the same interests as them and also because he gets irritated quickly and gets into fights to shut them up. Funnily enough, those panels show the first signs of Eren’s prevalent traits: fighting back and beating them or else you’re a loser.

“I had never thought about what was beyond the walls until then… I’d only spent my days looking at the clouds in the sky. Not that it’s anything strange for a kid eight or nine years old to not be thinking about anything… but then you came running to me with a book. Both of us were outcasts, not able to get along with the other kids in town. That’s all we were back then. But when I heard you telling me those things… and I saw the look in your eyes. That’s when I knew for the first time. I wasn’t free. I noticed that I had been living in a birdcage for all this time. And that these freakish things had taken my freedom. The world was so big, but they’d forced me into a tiny cage. And when I realized that… I knew I could never forgive them.” - Ch.73

It wasn’t so much about the ocean or the contents of the outside world Eren was motivated for. Because he was aimlessly starting at the sky, he couldn’t believe someone like Armin could conceive something like… ambition. That’s why Eren was intrigued by the look in his eyes. And because the titans were actually obstacles to his personal space, he held a grudge against them. They were in the way, they were giant-sized bullies, they have to be removed.

Eren’s character song actually fist up nicely with his character: “男はロマンだぜ！たけだ君っ“ by Shinsei Kamattechan (lyrics and translation here) illustrates somebody talking to a certain Takeda, who prompts him to disobey his parents and do whatever they want because they’re free, despite them being children (the song talks about spending money carelessly and buying cigarettes). Eren being either one of the kids, wants his taste of freedom without having any authority telling him not to do it.

“From the day we’re born, there was something special about all of us: we’re free” - Ch. 73

Needless to say, I think that attitude and that grudge against the titans pushed him to idolize the Survey Corps and eventually join them. Because they went as far as destroying his district, making him swear extermination on every person responsible.

Then there was his meeting with Mikasa.

“You see Eren, that attitude is why you only have one friend.” - Ch. 5

Here we have yet Eren’s “normie” attitude demonstrated when it comes to Grisha asking him to get familiar with Mikasa. But then, he certainly wans’t expecting corpses.

Eren ready to begin the chase - Ch. 5

I tend to see this chapter as Eren being triggered by seeing dead bodies on the floor. Him seeing Mikasa’s parents being brutally murdered tingled his sense of justice and frustration: “How dare they kill people? This if worthy of the death penalty and I’m going to inflict that to them!”. The way he got close to these bandits is almost as scary as what they were planning to do with Mikasa: he’s approaching the first one by acting like an innocent child with clear murder intent (He’s supposed to be 9!!!). He then proceeds to pin down the second one before repeatedly stabbing himself over and over.

“I stopped dangerous beasts!! They only happened to resemble humans!! If you hadn’t come here, they would have been gone by the time the military police brigade had arrived!! The MPs wouldn’t have made it in time!!” - Ch. 5

Notice how the justification he brings to kill them is because they reduced themselves to low beasts who kill people, and as beasts, it’s “only natural” they deserve a death penalty. Besides, Eren is motivating Mikasa using the same logic he used for Armin: fight or you’re a complete loser.

Eren “teaching” Mikasa - Ch. 5

Needless to say that Eren wasn’t opposed to let Mikasa live in his house. He came to realize years later his attitude towards the bandits was pure impulse, as he gets lectured by Reiner about the meaning of being a soldier in chapter 17.

In the very first chapter of the series, every trait I’ve mentioned till there transpires into his motivation into joining the Survey Corps, so he wouldn’t live as a “caged animal” any longer. He gets upset when people are talking trash about them because he truly believed they were doing it for great justice. And that day, when the wall has been breached, it just so happens that Eren had a weird dream when he was crying and it was finally the day where Grisha showed him the basement. That day truly changed his life, for the best or the worst.

“I hate the idea of spending my whole life… inside the wall, ignorant of what’s happening in the world outside!!” - Ch. 1

But of course, this “outside” serves mostly as an excuse to give him more space. As he declared later: “They’re our lives! we can do whatever we want with them, right?”

When Shiganshina fell, Eren made his vow to kill every single titan left. During that time, he punched Hannes for preventing him from saving his mom. What was interesting is that piece of flashback before scrolling back to present.

“I’ll never be able… to go home again. Up to the end, all I could do was argue and be stubborn! Mom’s gone!! I’m never gonna see her again… Why is this happening to us? Is it because humans are weak? Is crying the only thing the weak can do?! I’m gonna destroy them!! Every last one… of those animals… that’s on this Earth!” - Ch. 2

The night when Shiganshina has fallen was the night where Grisha passed his titan power to Eren. The part where Grisha stated two contradictory statements in relation with chapter 89.

“Eren, get revenge for your mother. You can do it.” - Ch. 71

“Eren… never let this key… out of your sight. And everytime you look at it… remember… that you have to go to the basement room. The injection will cause damage to your memory… That’s why I can’t explain this to you now… but when you go to the basement room someday, you’ll learn the truth… it will be a hard and merciless road… but you have to recapture Wall Maria and get to that room. The power I’m giving you will be useful then. Their memories will teach you how to use it… if you want to save Mikasa… Armin… and everyone else… you’ll have to… control this power!” - Ch. 10

“Dad… Stop it! Dad! What are you doing?! You’ve been acting crazy since mom died!!”, “Eren!! Hold out your arm!” - Ch. 3

“You will be the one… to avenge your mother!!”, “Okay“ - Ch. 63

This moment was really hard to piece out together because what was thought as a contradiction became a succession of events where Grisha scared his son with the shifter power talk, but riled back him for a short while by settling him as one one who will avenge his mom. Earlier, Grisha made his mind and picked him as the legitimate successor of the Attack Titan. Thanks to chapter 89, it may have been inevitable. In this scene, he went from a sorrowful expression to an angry one, almost swapping memories for a brief instant like what happened with Kruger. In any case he burdened Eren with his shifter power and the Coordinate, thus making him bare probably the biggest sin going by Ymir’s curse. 

Because of that, his whole life changed. So did Eldians’.

The next segment is about Eren joining the military, two years after working in a settlement. This is the time where his attitude sort of... changed.

Eren trying to let his will of dominance pushing him forward - Ch. 15

Chronologically, starting from that point, Eren uses “we” when talking about Humanity. Mostly because, as stated by his dialogue in chapter, he believes in unity against a common enemy. He settled the titans as the enemy “humanity” was supposed to defeat, despite him quickly meeting, and clashing with people who didn’t agree with that notion: it started with Hannes not taking his job seriously, then Jean who outright admitted he’d rather live a comfy life inside the walls. Even much later in chapter 72, when Eren mentions that spirit of unity, Armin internally disagrees by thinking about his bullies. 

Eren’s world was mostly an ideal one, where you loop the first opening of the anime and have humanity fighting against the titans, forgetting not every single human is motivated by rage: Mikasa is fine with living with Eren in a quaint place, Levi “the hero” is mostly motivated by Erwin, Jean wanted and comfy life among the MP, people have a very negative opinion of the SC in general, Ymir doesn’t mind living her life for herself despite knowing much more about what’s happening than Eren does...

His biggest obstacle was the first step for 3DMG training, where Keith sabotaged the equipment on purpose. For the first time, Eren felt like his goal just evaporated in the air, with everybody mocking him for it, followed by an argument with Mikasa, who’s trying to dissuade him:

“You shouldn’t set your sights on that anyway. If you’re not cut for it, what can you do? Because at this rate, you’re just going to die in vain. And all your dreams and efforts will be for nothing. I’m saying you shouldn’t aim to be a soldier. You can always support the human race by being a producer. Laying down your life isn’t the only way to fight. [...] ...Your resolve has nothing to do with it. It’s not your decision whether you get to be a soldier, Eren...” - Ch. 16

Eventually, nothing worked. Eren still wants to pass the 3DMG exam. While talking to Reiner and Bertolt, he declares his will to kill the titans is a need he personally feels: becoming a soldier is a way to achieve this. I’m sure he’d find another way out if he can’t pass the exams, mostly because he has nothing left to make him move.

Parts of his personality have been shaped later by Reiner and Annie: Reiner about the solider mumbo-jumbo, Annie because of her techniques aiming to defeat people quickly. He demonstrated these two aspects during his fight with Jean (with Annie and Reiner even looking!). 

“...I see... he was... just venting his feelings. Like I did before... but I’m different now... I’m... a soldier! [...] I’ll use my skills to finish this.” - Ch. 17

The most important part of his training is reserved for hand-to-hand techniques, skills proving themselves to be really useful once Eren shifts to a titan. Seems Annie was really insistent on teaching Eren these techniques as soon as he reminded her of her father, because Eren’s reality was just as misplaced as his. You can see that insistence if you connect chapter 17 and chapter 44 together.

I think I’d rather break this analysis into several parts because it’s getting way too long. Eren faced different trials in Trost, during the FT arc and so on, where he had to deal with huge losses, traitors, the hard truth and eventually, the coordinate settling in.

[cedarrrun]

Our on-the-go culture places value on striving, but if you don’t accept who you are, you’re cheating yourself out of health, happiness, and feeling whole. Here, learn how to find refuge from judgment. (Hint: It’s closer than you think.)

When you were growing up, I bet you had a special place of refuge you could go to for comfort. I had a favorite swing in my backyard that I would settle into when I felt the need for solitude. There, I found sanctuary in the fluid act of swaying back and forth, the cool breeze on my face as I floated through the air—up and down, back and forth.

When we take up the practice of yoga, becoming deliberately self-reflective, it eventually becomes apparent that taking refuge—from busyness and stress—is not about running away, but rather it is about deciding what you want to move toward. Refuge is not dependent upon a location at all. Rather, it is actually an intention we can choose. What do I mean? We can always opt to focus on that part of ourselves that is not made of thoughts, feelings, or bodily sensations. We can choose to focus on that space behind our thoughts—on the silence from which we observe ourselves and the world and the space that we keep forgetting to notice.

See also An Intention-Setting Practice to Nourish the Soul

When you stepped on the mat in the first days of your yoga practice, you were likely still associating refuge with a specific place: the mat or the meditation cushion. Many practitioners believe that the sense of stillness they feel from their yoga is something that must come from what they have done rather than from who they are.

But Patanjali writes in his most famous Yoga Sutra (1:2): “Yoga is a state in which the agitations of the mind are resolved.” This means that through yoga, we can stop identifying with fear and anxiety, for example, and begin to settle into the now—into an internal silence. Perhaps you have had a glimpse of this state on the mat, walking in the woods, or while worshipping or praying. This deep state of silence Patanjali describes is the residue of our practice but not the asana or meditation practices themselves. We miss the real practice when we are attached to the techniques instead of the residue, or the aftertaste of the practice. When we start to understand that the asana is not the yoga, we realize that the afterglow the asana leaves in our nervous system is the true yoga. This can lead to the radical awareness that refuge can be experienced anywhere, anytime, because it can truly be a choice.

Yoga practices help us get there. By helping to change what we are focused on, asana can become the foundation for us to find the courage and awareness to turn toward our lives with curiosity and presence—to take refuge in the moment. When we try a new, sometimes scary, pose, we are practicing courage, and when we are present to bodily sensations on the mat, we create a new habit of awareness. Restorative Yoga poses are particularly helpful. For example, time spent reposing in a supported Savasana (Corpse Pose) can reinforce that you are “enough” and have value simply because you exist. That’s because Savasana tells your nervous system that it is OK to let go: that you do not have to be doing and producing all of the time in order to feel full and content with who you are. The Savasana practice here helps foster the unimaginably important and radical understanding that you are not your thoughts. As you lie still with your eyes closed and nothing to do, all you have to focus on are your thoughts. You can learn to watch your thoughts rise and fall like clouds in the distant sky. The ability to be even slightly free from the tyranny of one’s thoughts is the beginning of moksha, or the only true freedom.

Pranayama can offer us a way into a state of even deeper contentment. Besides inhalations, exhalations, and breath retention, there is something else that you can contemplate during your breath practice: the utter silence that presents itself between the inhalations and exhalations. Focusing on the moments when you are not inhaling, exhaling, or holding your breath (the natural state of suspension in between the inhalation and exhalation) can have a profound effect on your mind and nervous system. When I practice this focus, it verifies for me that true refuge can only be found within myself and does not come from outside sources. When I’m in this state, I have no worries; I’m totally content with what is.

See also How to Practice Sama Vritti Pranayama (Box Breathing)

Finding Acceptance

Perhaps the type of refuge you’ve most longed for is that from the tyranny of your mind. If you meditate, you know too well how powerful the constant barrage of arising thoughts can be. But meditation can help you create refuge in the midst of your mind. Here are three ways it can work:

During meditation, cultivate the habit of accepting things as they are. You may not like the noise outside your window right now, but you can stop fighting it with your mind. 

Cultivate the willingness to love your judging mind instead of fighting it. This is very powerful. Taking time to be quiet and aware can help us see clearly that we live with a constant and unremitting critical mind. We judge ourselves with ferocity, and we judge others without surcease. It’s a radical practice to notice this and actually contemplate the opposite—loving the humanness of our judging mind. This is a form of self-care that is especially liberating. 

Simply be present. Wrap yourself in the mantle of the present moment. When you sit to meditate, allow yourself to feel the moment, hear the moment, and be the moment.

Acceptance is the key to a peaceful existence. Creating a deep mental state of being that rejects nothing is the best form of refuge there is. This means you allow yourself to be as you are. This does not mean complacency. It means actively cultivating the ability to allow yourself to receive the grace of being.

A friend of mine once said, “The worst mistake we make in spiritual practice is to believe we have to be different.” This shocked me and made me realize that changing who I am was what I thought I was supposed to be doing with my yoga practice. I thought I was supposed to become more advanced in my practice and more spiritual in my being.

Constantly striving to make ourselves different is at the heart of human suffering. I am not suggesting we just lie on the couch all day being busy accepting ourselves. I’m suggesting, however, that we choose to act from who we are with compassion and kindness.

See also Yoga and the Power of Compassion

The ultimate self-care is recognizing that you are more than your surface self and remembering to act from this realization. When you do this, you may feel a spontaneous and sometimes surprising upwelling of kindness, compassion, and joy. And when you practice from this place of love, you cannot harm yourself by thought or deed. You give up harsh judgments and needless worrying. You eventually no longer need to seek refuge so ambitiously because you have become your own refuge—you will be able to take refuge in your True Self. This is a deep-Self remembering that, even in minute doses, will change your perception about who you think you are. You are paradoxically “changed” back into who you have always been.

This is the point of yoga.

About the author

Judith Hanson Lasater, PhD, has taught yoga since 1971 and is the author of nine books on yoga. Find her at judith.yoga.