#it’s like… ok. 🤠 like i just want to scream a little bit that’s all. im so burned out that im a crumb of soot rn

[pepprs]

if i could just get like 3 more hours of sleep every night. maybe even 2. i would be so powerful

[thatonekotlcgirlie]

love your broken foster

Shit.

I did it agin Keefe,

Fell for a guy who betrayed me.

Of course, the fall wasn’t accidental, Cornelio pushed me off a cliff and you weren’t there to catch me. I hung off the cliff as I waited in suspense of his home coming, predictably, he never came back to me. Sound familiar? 

Should’ve learnt from you not to do it but I was trying to losen up a bit, that’s what Biana tells me to do. She says, “ losen up a little Sophie, you only live once!” Bullshit. Then again I could die any day knowing me so maybe she’s right, that’s why I asked him out. I didn’t really care when he left me, his hair wasn’t blonde, his eyes weren’t ice blue, his parents weren’t bustards, he hadn’t got a good sense of humour. His name wasn’t Keefe. He left me the old fashioned way, he ran away with a note signed “love, whatever that fuckers name was“ a bit out dated if you ask me, but I’ve never had good taste in things. No matter what I do my life always ends up in a shit storm.

Did y’all get the cliff hanger joke🙉🙈🙊🐵🤠🤠

Oh, and before I forget, it’s the 451st day since you packed your bags and left me with a note wich overflows with lies coated in denial.

Love your overly descriptive Foster

Day 452,

“Hate is a very strong word”

In case you couldn’t tell I’m quoting Edaline Rewen there, yet here I am disobeying my mother as I tell you this. 

I hate you.

I hate you so much that I love you.

Ok maybe I don’t hate you I just hate myself for letting you leave. Every time you leave my heart feels more heavy, heavy with the need of you skin against mine. Please come back.

Love your pessimistic foster.

Day 453,

Keefe,

All I ask is one more second with you just a quick hug. I want to see our future written in the stars agin. I want to kiss in the rain and spend hours laughing our heads off. I want you to paint pictures of us and capture very second together while it lasts. But it’s too late for it, All of it. Even if you come back (god I hope you do) things will never be the same. We’ll both be broken shells of the lively kids we used to be. You didn’t deserve that Keefe, you were just a kid. You didn’t do anything wrong, you had good morals and a great personality but they destroyed it. Your parents I hate their guts and I hate everything they did to you. I would trade my whole life plus my soul just to feel that gentle breeze go through me again whilst your fingers intertwined with mine.

Love your sympathetic Foster.

Day 454,

Keefe, Are you there?

those are the four words I have been repeating for what seems like an eternity, wishing with every fibre of my body that you’re okay and that you’ll come home to me. But you won’t . I’ll have to find you, I know it. That is if you’re even alive, i’m beginning to think you’re dead. Please don’t be dead. I’ll kill you if you’re dead keefe, what if you’re just a bed of atoms in the shape of the boy I once loved ? What the hell am I supposed to do? I didn’t even say goodbye.

Love your grieving Foster.

Day 455

Dear Keefe,

Tired. Tired. Tired. 

Remember telling me that? Remember me screaming your name at the top of my lungs trying to wake you up trying to bring you back, the real you, not the mind numbingly eccedentesiast guy you turned into, not the Keefe who lost himself after years of being lead into the dark , my keefe the keefe who understands all the misleading shit I say, the keefe who heals invisible wounds and saves live with a few meaningless words wich you say so perfectly that they begin to actually make sense. Please give him back, please return him. Broken or not I want him back. I need him back I will sit there with a needle and thread and sew all the broken seems back together agin if I could just have you back.

Love your impatient foster

456

Yesterday I invited Biana over to hang out for a couple of hours. I went to use the bathroom and when I came back she was clutching my letter Journal, she was on page 2 I ran to her and snatched it off her I  don’t know why, I guess it’s because a part of me is still hoping you’ll come back and I won’t ever have to show anyone any of them because I won’t have any reasons to be sad. Or maybe it’s because if you ever did come back and I wanted to show you these it could be just between us, either way she read at least two of them and I totally freaked out. The only thing she said was, “ the cover is ice blue”. It was a statement that I didn’t know how to react to so I told her to leave and I still haven’t tried to reach out of her.

Love your unforgetting foster (yes I know that’s not a word)

Day 457

Dear Keefe,

Hey, I miss you. Respond if you’re alive.o

Love, foster.

Day 458

Dear Keefe,

oh my gosh. 

Teirgan, Fitz and I have been working together trying to find you telepathically. Whilst Dex and mr. 🍽️ are trying to do all the techy information stuff to find out where you actually are but I don’t know much about it. Anyways, I was looking for a signal by repeating your name over and over agin and somehow I found one, it was faint and subtle, but I heard it deep in the back of my mind, the voice was strained, desperate almost I focused all my attention on it. It was saying one word and one word only, “ foster?”. 

Love, your hopeful foster.

Guys, that was the last one for now but thank you all so much, I hope you liked them!!🫶🏻I might do more letters set before day 451 but y’all can tell me if you want that or not. There is a continuing fan fiction I wrote which is about Sophie finding Keefe and it’s Basically what I wanted to happen in stellarlune so sorry if it’s a little cringey but when I was waiting for book 9 I decided to write it because I was bored. Also I’m still yet to add it to Ao3 but I will soon. I’ll go into more detail about my head canons in the actual fic but thank y’all so much for reading all of this💗💗💗