#it’s like when i was growing up and saw a butch woman

[genderqueerdykes]

This isnt necessarily "old" queers, but my godfathers and godmother are queer! I havent been very in touch recently, but my godfathers run an improv troupe together, and my godmother got married a year or two ago! Growing up and visiting their houses was always so much fun. My godfathers always have this huge collection of board games that almost require their own room, and my godmother always loved leopard print everything. Shes not with her anymore but she had a butch girlfriend when I was young, one of the first butches I ever met. I think about her a lot now that I'm settling into my own identity as a butch. I dont actually remember how old they are, but they're all in their 40s at the youngest!

oh, how wonderful! i love that they're enthusiastic about board games, that's so sweet. i think they're highly underappreciated nowadays, i love when people have a welcoming home environment like that. also, i'm glad you had some exposure to a butch when you were that young, it's so crucial. for me, my butch exposure was my mom. she was closeted, though she would tell me constantly that she wished she could date, live with, marry, and sleep with women. she was very butch, she was the reason i felt comfortable not wearing makeup or wearing women's clothing. i never saw my mom wear makeup or femme clothing. she basically only wore men's clothing or women's clothing that was androgynous.

she had a lot of internalized lesbophobia as a result of being terrified to come out, and she did end up saying nasty shit to me as a result, but it was still extremely important for me to have an older butch woman in my life. as much as my mom was shitty to me about being butch, she also. showed me that women and people can be butch and it's not an issue. part of me wishes i could've had a talk with her to tell her that it was okay that she was a butch lesbian, but unfortunately, i lost that opportunity 2 years ago, so it is what it is.

i'm really glad to hear you have those people in your life! queerness is so beautiful i love hearing how it manifests differently for everyone!

[t4tstarvingdog]

that moment when you see a feminine presenting person with a beard in public and immediately feel more at ease

[genderkoolaid]

Examples of transandrophobia: i've seen sections of Leslie Feinberg's piece "Sisterhood: Make it Real" passed around this site for literally years, and TODAY was the first time that I saw the whole thing and learned that ze called out cisfeminists in it for getting rid of trans men the second they started transitioning. Like I always thought it was a good piece but I had literally NO IDEA that it talked about trans men because that part was never included in posts about it, even when those posts were calling out cisfeminism for being transphobic. I'm just gobsmacked tbh

This is a great point!

Honestly more people need to read that full chapter. There's a lot of really good points.

Amongst other things, Leslie talks about how "women good men bad" is poor feminism:

Of course, as a result of the oppression women face growing up in such a violently anti-woman environment, some women draw a line between women as allies and men as enemies. While it’s understandable that an individual might do so out of fear, this approach fails as theory. It lumps John Brown and John D. Rockefeller together as enemies and Sojourner Truth and Margaret Thatcher together as allies. This view of who to trust and who to dread will not keep women safe or keep the movement on course.

How feminine men are victims of gender oppression:

The oppression of feminine men is an important one to me, since I consider drag queens to be my sisters. I’ve heard women criticize drag queens for “mocking women’s oppression” by imitating femininity to an extreme, just as I’ve been told that I am imitating men. Feminists are justifiably angry at women’s oppression - so am I! I believe, however, that those who denounce drag queens aim their criticism at the wrong people. This misunderstanding doesn’t take gender oppression into account. For instance, to criticize male-to-female drag performers, but leave out a discussion of gender oppression, lumps drag queen RuPaul together with men like actor John Wayne! RuPaul is a victim of gender oppression, as well as of racism.

How masculine women are assumed to know less about gender oppression:

But I grew up very masculine, so the complex and powerful set of skills that feminine girls developed to walk safely through the world were useless to me. I had to learn a very different set of skills, many of them martial. While we both grew up as girls, our experiences were dissimilar because our gender expressions were very different. Masculine girls and women face terrible condemnation and brutality including sexual violence - for crossing the boundary of what is “acceptable” female expression. But masculine women are not assumed to have a very high consciousness about fighting women’s oppression, since we are thought to be imitating men.

And as you said, how trans men deserve access to women's and lesbian's spaces without having their transmasculinity ignored or seen as being butch-in-denial:

And our female-to-male transsexual brothers have a right to feel welcome at women’s movement events or lesbian bars. However, that shouldn’t feed into to misconception that all female-to-male transsexuals were butches who just couldn’t deal with their oppression as lesbians. If that were true, then why does a large percentage of post-transition transsexual men identify as gay and bisexual, which may have placed them in a heterosexual or bisexual status before their transition? There are transsexual men who did help build the women’s and lesbian communities, and still have a large base of friends there. They should enjoy the support of women on their journey. Doesn’t everyone want their friends around them at a time of great change? And women could learn a great deal about what it means to be a man or a woman from sharing the lessons of transition.

Not that "trans women belong in feminism" wouldn't be a good point on its own, but people's selectivity with which parts of that chapter they share definitely warrant scrutiny.

[lesbianpuppygirl]

Yandere Butch Lesbian Boss x Fem Reader

You work a part time job at a small pet supply store, tidying the products and cleaning the animal's cages.

Your manager Dahlia (or Dahl) is an irritable woman. She tends to be short with your coworkers and obtuse customers. However, she has never once yelled at you.

Dahl has an imposing frame. She stands just above 6' and has a true bodybuilder's figure; her muscles softened by a good layer of fat. Dahl is an older butch lesbian with dark eyes, short curly hair, and an elegant hooked nose.

Early in your employment at the pet shop, you'd been warned by your coworkers, in a light-hearted manner, to be careful of getting on Dahl's bad side.

In spite of this, Dahl treats you like a beloved lap dog. Your mistakes are never as severe as others, and she even takes the time to reassure you when you become upset at yourself.

Dahl holds obvious favoritism towards you. Praising you for simple tasks and calling you her good girl.

Dahl first became enamored with you in your first week. You'd coo and talk to the mice while changing their bedding, make sure to tell Dahl good morning/evening, and smile to yourself whenever a dog walked into the store.

The catalyst of her obsession was at the end of your first workweek; you'd brought her homemade cookies to thank her for the job.

Although this certainly wasn't her first experience with hospitality, something about you- you standing there with wide, hopeful eyes as you handed her that still warm container, nervously telling her how she seems like a good boss and how thankful you are.

She saw you as a delicate thing, someone she must protect and praise. She just couldn't find it in herself to be upset at you in the way she would be at your coworkers. If you made a mess it didn't matter. In Dahl's mind, you should be pampered and relaxing all day- anything more difficult than that was an accomplishment in her eyes, and she'd never blame you for falling short.

When you told Dahl that you were attracted to women as well, her heart swelled with hope. And thus her plan to whisk you away began.

You're just a sweet little thing, someone who needs a big strong butch to take care of you.

Every time you smiled at her, rushed to her aid, or asked for her help, she fantasized about swooping you into her arms and taking you home.

One windy day, when it was too dangerous for you to bike or walk home, she offered you a ride. As you sat in her passenger seat, calmly looking out the window, she stuck you quickly with a needle, causing you to pass out.

You wake up with your ankles tied down to her bed, her anxiously sitting at your side.

Dahl? Why is she here? And where are you? Why don't you remember going into this bed? You wipe the sleep from your eyes and go to sit up, only noticing the ropes when you feel their resistance against you.

Still groggy from the sedative, you whimper out in confusion and growing fear.

"Wha-where am I? Dahl, what's-what's this?"

You tug on the ropes for emphasis, looking up at her for help. She makes no move to untie you, instead dropping to her knees beside you and grabbing your hands.

Her expression- hopeful and scared- makes you scramble away.

"Da-Dahl? Did you - why aren't you untying these? Please tell me you didn't- Dahl-"

Tears fill your eyes as you frantically search her face.

Dahl stands up and pulls you into her arms, petting your hair and holding you tight.

"Shh .... shh ... It's alright, sweet girl. I know, I know, it's okay,"

Dahl pulls back, her hands framing your tear streaked face.

"I know it's sudden, sweetheart, I know. I'll take good care of you. I won't keep you trapped here, I promise. I just- I just need you here, alright?"

You sniffle, and decide, in the haze of overstimulation and stress, to nod.

Her face lights up. Dahl sits on the bed and pulls you into her lap, laying you against her muscular chest.

"Oh! Oh, I'm so glad! I was so scared, sweet girl. I'm sorry for doing it this way, but I'll make you happy, I promise."

Maybe, you think, this wouldn't be so awful. Dahl has always been kind to you, being cared for by her, being loved by her, must feel as nice as her kindness does.

You rest your cheek against her chest.

"You promise I won't be here forever? I can see my family and friends?"

Dahl's expression softens, she presses a kiss to your forehead before speaking.

"Of course, sweet girl. Oh, my sweet girl, you can do whatever you want as long as you're with me."

-------

thank you for reading!! I hope other people like this and that it isn't too self indulgent lol. this is my first time actually creating a character so I hope it's not too bad

[bitethehnd]

softbutch!julien x highfemme!reader hcs ♡

cw : sfw, afabfem!reader, petnames, butchfemme dynamics, disustingly cute fluff, musician!reader, curly hair!reader, pre-relationship and established relationship :) heavily inspired by this fic, go read it!

a/n : i realize this isn't for everyone, i love all my gnc / non-femme babies! if this dynamic doesn't apply to you, go ahead and skip! this is very self-indulgent and i didn't really think i'd every publish this, but you guys requested it in my poll! for all my butches and femmes, ily ♡

✧ from the moment julien's eyes locked with yours, she knew she had to meet you

˖ the day you two met was around four years ago. you were a small, nashville-born artist performing with your band in a local lesbian bar. the crowd wasn't huge, and the pay wasn't great, but you loved performing to people that shared that same connection with you. the feeling of growing up different and the alienation that came with it

˖ you were on the small stage in the back of the bar, singing your heart out to the small crowd. the people around were dancing and drinking, enjoying one of the only places they felt comfortable in. julien was amongst them, but she was alone. she had come to this small bar to get inspiration for her new album. she thanked the heavens above that she made that decision. she got to see you for the first time. you were the prettiest thing she had ever seen. she knew she would kick herself for the rest of her life if she didn't talk to you after your performance

˖ the deep red dress you wore was lacy and frilly, matching the pattern of your stockings. your hair was tied half back with a bow the same shade of crimson. you bounced around on stage like you had trained your whole life for it. the flawlessness and perfection of the way you sung pulled julien in, becoming mesmerized by your siren-like voice

˖ your eyes full of excitement scanned across the room curiously, observing everyone with interest as you sung into the microphone. as soon as your eyes connected with julien's, you felt a jitter in your lungs. she stood on the side of the stage, a glass of water in hand, just silently observing you with curiosity. she was beautiful. utterly handsome. she wore a white button down tucked into a pair of baggy blue jeans, black oxfords on her feet, and simple jewelry scarcely scattered around her body. you quickly took your eyes off her and to a random point around the room, feeling your face heat up. julien smiled at the sight and immediately knew she had to know you

˖ after your band finished the small show, you all headed into the back room of the bar. you all stored away your instruments to pick up later, as you all decided to mingle about the crowd and stay for a while. you grabbed your purse, put on a fresh coat of lip gloss and made your way back to the front. you stayed close to your guitarist, daisy, at the bar, feeling a bit overwhelmed in the presence of all the people there. you ordered a simple cherry coke, not feeling like being hungover tomorrow when you had to go back to your day job

˖ soon enough, daisy left you alone to go talk to a woman that caught her eye. you took small sips of your drink as you sat at the bar, doe eyes gazing around you. in that moment, you saw the handsome woman from before. she was engaged in a simple conversation with one of the other bartenders farther down from you. she turned her head, and you locked eyes again. she seemed to have a conflicting look on her face before excusing herself from the bartender and making her way over to where you sat. your eyes widened as she walked over, not expecting her to actually come and talk to you

˖ julien strolled over and stood next to you, setting her glass of water down on the bar top. she had a small smile on her face, almost a smirk, as she looked up at you. “hi, sweetheart. can i sit?” you quickly nodded your head in confirmation. you turned your body to the side to face her as she sat, a shy smile on your face. she was even prettier up close. “i’m y/n! it’s nice to meet you,” you said gently. “i’m julien, nice to meet you too, sweetheart. your performance was wonderful,” she said softly, her confidence slowly deteriorating. she could hardly think when all she smelled was your vanilla perfume. “oh god, thank you! i’m glad someone was listening. usually, my band only plays small shows so it’s hard to get people engaged.” god, you were adorable. “of course. it would be hard not to listen, your voice is so beautiful. i’m in a band myself, actually.”

˖ thus began the meaningful conversation about music and your own bands. julien told you she was a part of boygenius. you revealed that you knew of the band’s ep released two years prior and loved the music. you even knew a couple of her solo songs and told her your favorites. this made julien smile brightly and the connection deepened

˖ eventually, your other bands members came up to you and said they were leaving after about 30 minutes of conversing with julien. you were disappointed but bid her goodbye. before you could make an exit, she grabbed your bicep gently to hold you back. "could i... get your number?" she asked with hope. you immediately nodded your head with an excited smile, typing your number in her phone, putting a little heart by your name. she grinned at your cuteness. just before you left, you pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. she touched the spot absentmindedly as she walked to her car, a red print of lips stuck to the apple of her cheek

✧ julien courting you

˖ your meeting at the bar was the first, but definitely not the last time you saw julien. the next day, she quickly texted you as she woke up. she wanted to text you as soon as you left her sight the night before but didn't want to seem too eager. she shot you a message to let you know it was her before asking how you slept, ever the gentleman. you two quickly got caught in another conversation, both smiling on separate ends of the phone. she asked all about your hobbies. she learned that you didn't just have an affinity for music, but also for art and history. she decided then and there that she had to take you to an art museum

˖ your text conversations went on like this for a few days. all you could do when chatting with her was lay on your stomach on your bed, kicking your feet and feeling your face heat up. you felt like a high schooler all over again. you constantly felt yourself biting the inside of your cheeks to stop the grin from spreading on your face every time a message from her popped up on the screen

˖ thus begun the start of your dates. julien followed through with taking you to an art museum, loving the way your face lit up with joy at all the paintings and sculptures. some frequent spots for the two of you were homey coffee shops (julien's favorite, obviously), magical gardens, taking hikes among beautiful trees, and just sitting and talking. it didn't matter what you two did, it just mattered that you were together

˖ julien adored the way you wrapped your arm around her bicep, when you let her drape her coat over your shoulders, the sweet kisses you pressed to her cheek. the smirk never fell from her face for hours after you did anything affectionate. you felt giddy every time she called you 'sweetheart' or 'pretty,' when she protectivly wrapped her arm around your waist in crowded spaces, or when brought you small gifts. she never came to get you empty handed. she always came to pick you up from your apartment complex, open the car door for you, and always had a gift waiting for you on the seat. some common ones were records you had talked about, flowers, books, or a new one of your favorite foods that changed every week. julien never missed the little things you said, always storing them into her memory for a later use

˖ you loved getting to know her. nights spent sitting on the roof of your apartment, gazing at the stars were your favorites. every little single thing about her was interesting to you, and vice versa. you loved hearing about the bands that inspired her to make music, her favorite tattoos, or funny stories from her childhood. she loved when you talked about your favorite stuffed animal you religiously slept with as a little girl, your ramblings about the pros and cons of lipgloss brands, or just how pretty the sky looked at a particular moment

˖ after about three weeks of seeing each other almost every day, she asked you to be her girlfriend. a little slow compared to most lesbian relationships, but julien wanted to find the perfect time to ask. she didn't wat this to be a whirlwind romance, she wanted seriousness and commitment. you were both willing to give it to each other. she took you to that art museum she remembered you saying you liked. you looked utterly gorgeous strolling around and gazing at all the paintings, curly hair tied with a bow swinging behind you. you two walked around for about an hour, her arm wrapped firmly around your waist. every time you commented about how pretty an art piece was, she'd reply with "not as pretty as you." it never failed to leave you more infatuated with her

˖ after the museum date, she took you to a beautiful park filled with the blooming flowers of spring. you gazed around in wonder, eyes taking in the pretty sight. julien sat you down on a park bench, turning to face you, clasping your hands into her own. you were a bit confused and the anxiety of her telling you she didn't want to see you anymore crept up. before you could voice your thoughts, she asked the question, "can i be your girlfriend?" you answered immediately with a loving kiss to her lips, which she took as a yes. after the moment of passion was over, she pulled out a small box from the pocket of her leather jacket. she handed it to you with a small, nervous smile on her face, telling you to open it. inside the red velvet box was a heart shaped necklace with the letter 'j' on it. she pulled up the sleeve of her jacket to reveal a matching bracelet, the heart having your initial on it instead

✧ when you’re dating, julien never stops falling in love with you, and you fall right with her

˖ even after you two get together, the dates never come to a stop. at least once a week, either you or julien plan something together. whether it be a cooking class, sitting in a field and sketching, or playing each other your new music

˖ after about two months of dating, she asks you to move in with her. lucy warned her it might be “too quick,” but julien wasn’t hearing any of it. she wanted to be around you all the time, completely infatuated. you weren’t much better. you joke that if she could crawl inside your skin and live there, she would. she doesn’t disagree, but she wasn’t going to tell you that

˖ now, as a butch, moving in is julien’s thing. she’s anxious and over-prepared when she shows up to your house the day of the move. she refused to hire moving men because she insisted she could “do everything a man could do and better.” she’s not wrong there, so you don’t protest. she disassembles all your furniture that you’re taking with you to her house with ease. she wasn’t lying when she said she was handy. and she refuses to even let you carry the lightest box, smirking and saying, “don’t want you to chip a nail.” you smack her on the back of the head and plop down on the ground, just watching her. you do sneak a couple boxes though…

˖ after you got all of your belongings loaded into the u-haul truck (ironic, i know), you set off to her house. during the whole drive, she rambled about where to put all the new furniture and how exciting it was going to be to live together. you just stared at her with loving eyes and a soft smile, nodding alone to whatever random thought popped in her head

˖ when you got to her apartment, she got all of your essential things in and decided she'd get the rest in the morning. while she did that, you rummaged through her cabinets to find something to cook for dinner. you picked a simple meal of spaghetti and meatballs. as she placed the last box down, you served the pasta at the dining table. she wiped the sweat from her face with the bottom of her shirt while you tried so hard to not stare at her abs, you failed. she gave you a cocky smile when she caught you but said nothing. you two sat and ate your first dinner in your shared apartment, basking in the glow of love

˖ the longer you two lived together, the more accustomed you guys got to a routine. you'd be the one to get up first in the morning, julien still snoring like a middle-aged dad, while you made breakfast. you'd gently shake her awake and lead her to the kitchen, tempting her with the aroma of coffee and bacon. she always swore you made coffee "better than dunkin,'" but you knew that was a lie. never get in the way of that woman and her dunkin' donuts. after breakfast, julien would go on a jog. while she did that, you read a favorite book of yours or plan out some new songs

˖ the list of pet names she called you lengthened every day. there was a rang of sweet ones, like baby, babe, princess, angel, sweetheart, honey, doll, etc. but she also called you ones you figured she pulled out of her ass, no idea where she even got the idea from. you knew they were all a joke and it made you laugh with disgust ever time. some are pookie (phoebe's idea, of course), snookums, the wife (your favorite), boss, the missus, sugar tits and punk. you have some for her too, but she defiantly wins in the pet name category

˖ dancing in the kitchen in the middle of the night, illuminated by the refrigerator light ♡♡♡ she puts on some records from the 50's and you slow dance until the sun comes up. she keeps a firm hand on your waist and yours on the shoulders, her twirling and dipping you just to hear you giggle in delight

˖ let me tell you, this woman cannot keep her hands off of you, especially when in public. she always has a hand on the small of your back, leading you through crowds. or her fingers interlaced with your while doing mundane things, like getting groceries or walking through the park. it intensifies even more when at your apartment. her hand acts like its glued to your thigh during movie nights or her hands around your waist, standing behind you while you're doing the dishes

˖ she loves loves lovesss watching you do your hair or makeup, even offering to help sometimes. you look so focused applying your mascara or gliding on lip gloss. she even lets you give her makeovers sometimes, but only with the premise of no pictures (you do sneak a few though). she especially loves doing your hair. she's as careful as possible, understanding your hair is hard to deal with and can be knotty at times. she knows by heart to "only brush it when it's wet!!!" she has straight hair, so she does extensive research on what products and techniques are best for your hair type. she adores putting little bows all over your curls

˖ overall, the relationship is healthy and so full of love. you and julien fit so well together, it's almost like you were crafted to be each other's soulmate

© bitethehnd ୨ ♡ ୧ let me know if you guys want more parts to this! i also wanna do highfemme!gf reader for all munagenius members so give me some ideasss

[vaspider]

Reposting because I absolutely cannot and will not reblog a post made by someone who tags things 'q slur.' For fuck's sake, grow up.

And since I'm reposting, let's made the post better by including a source link to the entire article.

Kanegson, Jared. (1998, June.) After the Butch/FTM Conference, Why Not to Give Up on Butch/FTM/Trannyboy Coalition Building. FTM International, 5.

After the Butch/FTM Conference Why Not to Give Up on Butch/FTM/Trannyboy Coalition Building by Jaron Kanegson

I'm a transgendered person who identifies as both Butch and FTM. A faggy "Butch" who typically dates Butches/boy-dykes/FTMs, an FTM cross-dresser who responds to a range of pronouns, a bio-female who frequently passes, and partially identifies, as male, I can't squeeze my gender iden-tity into one category. As such. I felt excited, even relieved, when I first heard about the Butch/FTM Conference. Finally, I thought. a forum that would logically include genders which, like mine, incorporate elements from both the categories of Butch and FTM. And, I was happy that a spectrum of people from communities that sometimes overlap—more, I think, than many would like to admit--would be coming together to work towards change. I figured we'd have a lot to talk about regarding discrimination from the larger society, identity questions, health care, employment, sexuality, racism, etc. I am saddened to report that while some bridges were built, others were broken, particularly during the "Betrayal—What Makes It Hard To Trust Each Other" workshop. I believe that structural aspects of the conference contributed to the conflict in that workshop, and detracted from the progress that might otherwise have been made that day. Though I had briefly worked on planning the conference, I quit because I was convinced that the conference was not being planned in a constructive way. During the six-week period that I was involved in planning the conference, I attended both a general meeting and panel-planning subcommittee meetings. I also took part in conversations with various conference organizers, potential panelists, curious friends, etc. In my circle of friends, Butch and FTM describe not only categories that at times blur, but also groups that, along with femmes, MTFs, bio-fags and others, often relate as friends, lovers, roommates and members of a larger community. So, I expected the Butch/FTM Conference to build on the base of shared community that already exists, to a certain extent, in San Francisco. Instead, I found that some of the other organizers seemed to see Butch and FTM as two inherently separate, distinct, and perhaps even naturally hostile identities. One area where I saw this mindset demonstrated was in the planning of the morning panel. I thought that, of the five or six panelists, at least one should be a person with an identity specifically incorporating aspects of both Butchness and FTMhood. I suggested a number of boy-dykes and dyke-fags, all of whom identified as transgender. In response, one organizer, a Butch woman, expressed her frustration that I was "muddying" things. She stated that I was "Not respecting that the conference (was) supposed to be about Butches and FTMs." That conversation marked the end of my involvement. Ultimately, although some gender ambiguity certainly crept into the panel, no panelists with the type of gender identity I had lobbied for was included. Transfags and people younger than their mid-thirties were also absent as panelists, and all of the FTMs seemed to be former Butches. That unfortunately reinforced the idea that every FTM "gained" is a Butch "lost" and the misconception that all FTMs are straight. As well, though I know gender-flexible people of all ages, my personal experience is that younger queers are more used to the idea of alliances between dykes, fags, trannies, etc. There were other aspects of the conference that did not seem to be designed to bring people together. One example was the wording of the Harvey Milk Institute catalog course description. Originally, it described Butches and FTMs as

Butch and FTM describe not only categories that at times blur, but also groups that (along with femmes, MTFs, bio-fags and others) often relate as friends, lovers, roommates and members of a larger community. "competing for dwindling resources!" While this and other potentially inflammatory language was ultimately removed, other revisions aimed at making the language more inclusive did not stick. For example, I suggested at the general planning meeting, along with others, that we list a wider range of relevant gender identities—including a more culturally diverse range—in the course description. That way, people who identified only with certain aspects of "Butch" and/or "FTM" would know that the conference was about them, too. Five of us spent half an hour at that meeting's end rewriting the course description to specify that the conference was not strictly about "Butches" and "FTMs," but also about boy-dykes, transfags, bull-daggers, cross-dressers, anabes, marimachas, etc. While the line "All genders are welcome" stayed in the course description, the idea that the focus of the conference was about a range of gender identities was excised. Finally, while the course description set the tone for the conference, as well as drawing a particular audience, the workshop topics themselves were not conducive to alliance building. In particular, the smallest of the three after-noon discussion groups,

"Betrayal: What Makes It Hard To Trust Each Other?," ended in an emotional explosion that I fear may have left many hurt, bitter, and, worst of all. convinced that conflict between Butches and FTM is inevitable. Unfortunately, the title of the workshop alone virtually guaranteed it would be painful. The focus was negative, and on difference. I am not suggesting that there arc no under-lying tensions, nor that these tensions should not be talked about. However, I think a more positive context—such as a workshop focusing on the oppression Butches and FTMs face from larger society, including some discussion of the pain we cause each other—would have been more likely to lead to a sense of a community. Obviously I have a difference of opinion with many of the conference organizers about just who should be included in the categories of Butch and VIM, and how the conference should have been structured and focused. I do not want, however, to discount the hard work they did, nor do I want to gloss over the fact that I have heard hateful remarks about FTMs from dykes, and sexist remarks about dykes from FTMs. However, I believe that as people our society labels queer, and as people (usually) born in "female" bodies expressing masculinity, maleness and/or gender non-conformity, we have a lot in common. We also have a lot of work to do togeth-er and a lot of fun to have together. Despite my critiques, the Butch/FTM conference was an historic first effort towards community building. As someone with a foot—and friends—in each community, I hope that process will keep going.

[ventbloglite]

Some of you really need to step back a little bit and acknowledge how ignorant you are towards how misogyny affects trans mascs and how you yourself may be perpetrating said misogyny when speaking ill of trans mascs.

Which is not something you should be doing at all, fyi. You can talk about individual shitty trans mascs and certain community issues you dislike which involve or are perpetrated by trans mascs without just being transphobic towards trans mascs in general.

So many times I've seen the sentient of 'AFAB's have it really easy, everyone accepts AFAB's as trans, everyone loves AFAB trans people, the world caters to you, there is basically no problems for you if you're AFAB unlike AMAB folk' shown in a variety of ways from a variety of people including just outright saying it. Not to mention the belitting of trans masc experiences with transphobia and misogyny + the way those interact because they identify as men even though transphobes still consider them to be women and don't give a shit about their actual gender.

A main crux of transphobia (though many other factors which result in hating us come into play, too many to go into now) is that trans people are seen as and treated as their AGAB and punished for not identifying as it or portraying it 'correctly' by society. So tell me why so many seem to 'forget' about how misogyny impacts trans masculine people. Could it be because you believe that advocating for trans women and trans femmes and fighting transmisogyny somehow must involve being transphobic towards trans men due to that radfem influence you've absorbed? The world will never reach gender equality of any kind if everything is 'men versus women' so can we just fucking not bring that into trans spaces please.

Examples!

I saw recently a post which perfectly pointed out the potential risks associated with someone considered 'male' growing out her hair but OP clearly knew absolutely nothing about the same risks associated with someone deemed 'female' cutting his hair. Instead of not making that post or doing some research, OP thus assumed there weren't really any risks likely due to already believing that AFAB trans people have it easy.

The ignorance! Misogyny heavily impacts the way hair is treated on those perceived as women (including body hair) and women/those perceived as women have no end of people policing what they can and can't do with their bodies often taking things to the absolute extreme to do so. Short hair on woman may seem 'more accepted' but AFAB people of any gender could quickly tell you multiple situations where it's not and results in the same violence, abuse, homo(lesbo/butch)phobia and yes possibly even death depending on the situation even if you still identify as a woman. Pretending this doesn't happen is straight up misogyny btw.

'AFAB's pass easily by doing basically nothing' is another frequent one which makes me laugh. 'Passing' for most trans people is so situational and so dependent on what you do or don't do to strictly conform to gender stereotypes if you're even able to do that at all. To suggest that the world ignores feminine gender markers the moment someone's hair is short and their chest appears mostly flat ignores both the complexity of how humans perceive gender and how misogyny comes into play whenever a woman/perceived woman shows any masculinity let alone maleness. Considering the same misogyny comes into play frequently against trans women you'd think it'd be easy to remember.

This general sentiment of 'Being born with a vagina means your life is easy and everything you do will be loved and supported because society adores you. You don't and will never have any real problems, not like anyone born with a penis.' isn't magically okay and absolutely super different to when misogynists say it about cis women because you're using AGAB language and cite 'because you're men and blah blah patriarchy' as the actual reason you're saying it. It's very clearly same shit different coat of paint. The pool is there, your toes are in, stop preparing to dive for Gods sake.

[mimikyuno]

i was just talking with my wife about this over breakfast but i rly hope this whole transvestigation paranoia becomes a breaking point because it’s insane? like i hope it snaps some people out of their transmisogynystic daze bc what are you saying? where is the limit?? are you demanding any woman who looks vaguely “masculine” take a chromosome test?!

like first their credo was that “a woman must have a vagina and uterus” but that’s not enough anymore for them, now u need to be born a woman “the right way” or you’re a man. never mind that a huge argument they have used against trans women is that they were “socialized as men” (ridiculous take btw, let’s not even get there) and as such can never understand womanhood and really be a woman okay then why are u saying that even if imane was afab and raised a girl she’s still not enough of a woman?! they’re always like “misogyny is sex-based” and it doesnt matter how a woman presents bc it’s her Biology that primes her for abuse (real takes i have seen!!!) but then say that a cis woman who was assigned female at birth is not Actually a woman bc some corrupt organisation that was accused of malpractice Maybe said she might have XY chromosomes. HELLO?! like do YOU know your chromosomes? do YOU know your testosterone levels? it’s so absurd it feels like im in the twilight zone.

also can we talk about how antifeminist it is to argue that someone is just too good at a sport to be a woman. what is wrong with you. hmm i wonder why men tend to be stronger overall? is it really just their “biology”? bc actually studies have shown that parents underestimate their daughters’ strength and do stuff for them and overall dont let them play rough while little boys are expected to be stronger and tumble. which child do you think will grow up with more muscle mass. which will grow up stronger and faster. i saw some altright men and terfs argue that it is Biologically True that men are Stronger and Faster and Better than women bc “look at the football league, the men are better”. like i wonder why?? could it be that the women’s league overall gets less funding, less intense trainings, and overall there’s less athletes to choose the best from bc on average more men pursue sports than women (for social reasons) etc.????

like how are terfs out there thinking they’re feminists. when they posts a picture of a woman of color and call her too ugly to be a “real woman”. do you see how racist that is?! i also saw them transvestigate the butch-looking polish contestant (for judo iirc) like?! “her hair is short and her face looks masculine” have u ever seen a butch woman irl. you stupid ass. and what if they’re trans btw?? ultimately it does not MATTER. olympic athletes are freaks of nature. usually they’re the best at a sport because they’re literally BUILT for it. they often have a natural advantage as well as years or practice. like what even is your argument anymore?! it’s a stupid sport competition to see who’s the best at certain sports how are u gonna determine which physical/biological advantages are okay and which arent?! y’all are one step away from requesting muscle fibers exam for black people to see if they have more type 2 fibers bc that makes them more likely to be fast. put a height limit for basketball players bc being too tall is rare and therefore unfair to shorter basketball players. banning women with PCOS from competing bc they have elevated testosterone. LIKE PLEASE TELL ME WHERE THE LIMIT FOR BIOLOGICAL ADVANTAGES IS. IM WAITING.

i think the insanity of the current situation truly is the culmination of all these phrenology-adjacent trends (like mewing and the rest of the “rate me” 4chan standards, look it up), white supremacy being allowed on mainstream platforms and transphobic panic all converging into this mass hysteria. it’s genuinely fascinating from a sociological perspective but jesus christ. the fact that if imane really was trans they could have gotten her jailed or worse. WAKE UP.

terfs love to call themselves feminists yet are using racist phrenology-like standards to determine who’s a “real” woman. being hairy? big nose? strong jaw? short hair? not a real woman :). please STOP. y’all are literally one step away from saying only white women are “real women” LMAO. trans women have been saying for years that transmisogyny IS misogyny (on steroids) and it WOULD bite cis women in the ass too but y’all didnt believe them till it Actually started affecting cis women.

i am hoping this is the peak of transphobia (specifically transmisogyny) and it’s downhill from here and society progresses 🙏🏻 like let’s move ON. enough is enough

[velvetvexations]

(trigger warning: terf bullshit, sexual assault, cis people fetishizing detransition)

i really can’t abide by people who say terfs treat trans men “better” when i’ve literally seen terf comics eroticizing a trans man’s detransition. like, actively drawing how “beautiful” they think it is when a trans guy goes off T and feminizes his face and breasts start growing in again over top surgery scars. talking about how that’s how trans guys are “truly meant to be.” saw this years ago and it still makes me completely sick thinking about it. they’re only “nice” to trans men they want to forcibly detransition so they can fuck us. we’re not people to them, just a piece of meat for them to enact their transphobic fantasies onto. and imagine if we’re *not* fuckable? then what, y’know? it’s really horrible. it genuinely makes me sick.

(also to be clear, nothing wrong with people who detransition of their own volition, their choice is theirs and i respect that, but this definitely was not about that.)

In addition, if I may add on, it paints an extremely gross picture of how they view even cis women - how DO they feel about "not fuckable" women, anyway? I can imagine them lamenting that someone's transitioned away from beautiful elfin femininity only to be told that person is actually just a cis butch woman. For all they talk about trans women fetishizing cultural ideas of women they sure seem like they want to be surrounded by anime waifus.

But! What TERFs do wasn't even really the main point of this ask anyway, I don't think - I think the main issue you're bringing up here is that people will see what TERFs do and then still have the gall to act like that's just...what? A little condescending? It's so, so frustrating to see even second-hand, it sucks seeing people get told to suck these things up or to be grateful for how much better they have it, further driving them into the arms of people who are pleased as punch seeing trans people do half the work gaslighting transmascs into thinking TERFs have nothing but the loviest-doviest of intentions towards them.

[kirkwallguy]

one thing i have never understood about aveline is that i have seen her appearance after i lurked in the wikifandom and looked at the party banters.

with the way she's talked about i was expecting a butch, but like, STONE STONE BUTCH type.

after i saw her i was shocked, she's just a regular woman with braided hair in armour. which iss uhh wearing armor and using swords isn't a very foreign concept in thedas, even the game lets you be like that. also isabela is literally *fighting* and is a pirate herself.

the fact that aveline is tall doesn't help it either; there's a lot of tall women made to grow insecure about their femininity due to their height, which is ridiculous on society's behalf.

so what's her "masculinity" is about, really? if I'm going to talk about facial features it'll go to a whole different topics, even including racism by the idea of femininity knit with how racially white women *commonly* facially look like, lol. because writers are human beings and a piece of their writing can contain their subconscious even for a made-up fantasy world. it's just how writing goes. i am really trying to see what dialogue writers trying to give to us about her lol.

i'm not really sure what the writers were having in their mind, but it comes across as an unfortunate piece of writing to me.

make such a difference between dialogue and character and then turn to qunari and be like "they don't believe women can become warriors"

honestly i think it was just like that in 2010, women who were considered 'tomboys' in mainstream media (especially genres / mediums that were more geared towards cishet men) were usually actually pretty feminine. it was more of a vibes-based situation, aveline is forceful and tough and has a pretty dominant personality, when we see her with wesley she's the one protecting/saving him. she also wears armour that covers most of her body, her hair is long but styled more practically, and she (obvi) never wears makeup. she's also not sexually available to the player which probably plays a role in it. idk it was only 10ish years ago but gender politics in games were soooo different it's kind of funny to look back at it

[astridellejo]

I wanted to have a TDOV Easter egg cracking story ready for today, but my ADHD won. So here's something I hastily put together at the last minute (like I always do).

My personal trans lore below the cut:

I grew up as a child of the 1980s and had absolutely no idea that trans was a thing. All I knew is that the body I had was not the body I wanted. Those thoughts started around 1983 when I was nine years old. I thought it was just a normal part of growing up, and that everyone in the world felt like that. Even in my senior year of high school when I was eighteen years old, I was still having thoughts like, "I wish this wanting to be a different sex and gender than the one I'm stuck with part of puberty would hurry up and finish, because it's getting really old now."

[egg emoji (not actually an egg emoji)]

Again, I didn't know trans was a thing. It was about 1995 when I would finally see actual trans people for the first time on some daytime trash television talk show. At which point I was like, "Wait, what? Oh no. I'm gonna be really bad at that, then. Because I just don't have it in me to be that ostentatious." I just wanted to wear black and sit in a dark corner of a café and draw in my sketchbook.

Now because it was the 1990s, your average cishet didn't grasp the difference between sex, gender, and sexual orientation. (It's 2024 now and most still don't.) So everybody thought I was gay. And I was all, "Well, technically yes. But not in the way you think."

See, my crushes in the early 90s were Winona Ryder, and Laura Dern, and Gillian Anderson. And who I wanted to look like was Gina Gershon in Bound, or Ally Sheedy in High Art. But back in the day, the idea of a butch lesbian trans woman just blew everyone's minds. The idiot gender headshrink (the person I had to get a 'permission slip' from to begin my transition) just couldn't wrap that around his brain. Which is why I only saw him three times before demanding my letter.

Then finally in summer of 2002, I began my transition (after almost five years of roadbumps and occasional self-doubt). I began second puberty and went through the really awkward teenage girl phase of transition figuring out my new self expression while my body slowly morphed into a shape that I was much more comfortable having.

It has now been 22 years since I began my transition and I'm happy to report that now I look more or less how I wanted to look in 1998, but with hair that is almost three feet long. (Ooo! Long haired butch!) Plus that hair has streaks of silver in it now, making it so much hotter!

I'm going to be 50 in September, which just short-circuits my headmeats. Does that make me a trans elder yet? Or do I need another decade? Whatever. It'll be interesting to see how my midlife crisis plays out.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Happy Transgender Day of Visibility!

(The selfie is from three years ago because I'm too lazy to go take one now.)

[titaniumtsar]

I had therapy today, and showed my therapist my recent pencil/pen art on camera. She instantly thought Dr Schrei (the character I made to represent myself, or "sona," as the kids call that) was a guy/man, calling her a he. I told her she's a woman, just an androgynous looking one.

I was not offended in the slightest, however. If anything, I was oddly flattered/happy. I consider myself mostly a woman, the most "trans" I'd probably be is demiwoman or woman-leaning nonbinary. I call myself a "genderqueer woman" on occasion, as my relationship with womanhood feels queer. As a lesbian with PCOS who is now mostly masc/androgynous in gender expression, and has had a rather... "unique" experience growing up as a tall girl with hairy arms who obviously wasn't into men, while I know the trans label depends on gender assigned at birth and not necessarily sex, the way I see it, I consider myself to be what some in the butch lesbian community have proudly reclaimed as "incorrectly female." My PCOS makes my body feel "mostly female," but with some slightly "masculine" quirks. I see my gender identity as being about the same as that. With my gender expression, I'm androgynous, but leaning towards the masc side. With my gender identity, it's the opposite, as in androgynous, but leaning towards the woman side, similar to how my body feels, so for that reason, I don't consider myself trans. I still identify a lot with womanhood and don't want to stop being one, but I would still love to be a woman in a more masc/androgynous kind of way than the cishet norm. That feels the most like me, being a "handsome woman" or "gentlewoman."

Anyway, the way I see it is Dr Schrei is a representation of myself, so even though I don't think of myself as a man (I personally love being a woman who loves other woman), her being mistaken as a man tells me that people can see my masculinity/androgyny, which is nice. Even with them just being a fictional character, lol.

My art so far of my OC Dr Schrei, for reference. In order from newest to oldest. My therapist saw the last one when she referred to her with he/him pronouns, stating "He looks like he's up to no good" and giggling. My therapist is great.

Yeah, today was an okay day. 🩵💚🏳️‍🌈

[poisonandpages]

Gender and style ramblings ahoy!

Growing up I was never really "girly", and by that I mean I love pretty things, elegant things, stereo-typically "feminine" things, but more...more as a bystander than a participant, if that makes any sense? So in my teens while I was figuring out what I liked, I preferred sort of masculine-androgynous styles... and I was made to feel like absolute crap about it. Constantly facing sneers and frowns even from people I loved and trusted, and the pressure to change got 10x worse when I started working and suddenly found myself meeting hundreds of strangers daily.

It was weird because I grew up in a fairly progressive place with relatively progressive people and saw loads of women one might describe as "butch", so I never really understood why they could get to be themselves but I was heavily discouraged from the same. So I guess I rationalised it in my head by thinking that butch was a style for women who were either very handsome or very confident and capable, and neither of those described me. I wasn't "good enough" to be masc so I'd instead have to put in a lot of work to be more feminine (something I'd never say about another person, but I've always been much more cruel to myself than I am to others).

I think in part this was to do with my undiagnosed autism as well - maybe people thought that if I looked more like their idea of a woman I'd stick out less as a weirdo.

So for the past decade or so I've tried to fit myself into a shape that prioritised what other people would like to see instead of who I'd like to be. And I thought "ok, if I can be feminine but kind of edgy, everybody wins! Funky haircuts and punk or retro clothing but with a shedload of makeup and holding myself in a way that makes me look smaller, that'll do, right?" I trimmed myself down and covered myself up until I could be palatable to those around me.

But over this past year or so I've learned a lot of things about myself, and I've been deconstructing a lot of things about the way I view myself that I had already dealt with years ago about how I view others, and I came to the conclusion that all that wasn't making me happy. There were elements that I liked, I still love my dangly kooky earrings and sometimes playing around with makeup can be fun, but altogether the femme identity started to feel like a jacket that fit me really badly to begin with and was getting worse with each passing year, to the point it was squishing in my ribcage and giving me breathing problems.

In recent months I've been experimenting with more masculine/neutral clothing, wearing makeup way less, and had a barber cut my hair shorter than it's ever been before (which was a whole revelation because previously I've paid upward of ��35 to have hairdressers ignore my instructions, and this lad did a perfect job for £12 in my living room). I was so scared that I'd look ugly or stupid but instead, I'm happier than I've ever been. I'm still 90-something percent sure that I'm cis, but as an autistic lesbian I feel like I have a more unique relationship with gender as a concept and it feels so freeing to now be able to express it. I'm getting much more comfortable with my natural face (not completely as you can see, I am still a recovering victim of 90s eyebrow trends, but we'll get there.) I accentuate my naturally broad shoulders and square jaw instead of trying to hide them. I wear shirts bought from the men's section of thrift shops. And when I look in the mirror I see me, and not the masquerade version of myself that others might want me to be.

I'm really happy, but I wish I had figured out all this sooner.

[erigold13261]

Any opinions on she/her, it/its user Eve?

Your ask immediately made me think of this shirt for some reason. I have no idea if I made it up or saw it at some point, but I can see Eve relaxing in it lol.

Anyway! My opinions! (there is a lot more than I thought lol)

I personally like Eve using just she/her pronouns (and for now I will use she/her until I get to the it/its pronouns) but she has a very complicated relationship with her gender (which also encapsulates her sexuality).

Like I even want to start drawing her with top surgery scars thinking she either got a breast reduction or fully got rid of her breasts. Maybe she took some testosterone at some point but also leaned very far into the feminine aesthetic.

Sometimes wears butch or masc clothing, or makes her hair very short. Her entire display is just supposed to be experimental and all over the gender spectrum but also leaning a lot into the feminine even when playing around in the masc area.

And because she plays with her gender and expression in this way, she also always wants to exclusively use she/her. Those are what works but can also confused others when she is going into a more masc appearance. Even when she got her top surgery she had to be adamant to the people around her to keep using only she/her, not he/him or they/them which some people tried doing.

That is what I personally prefer for Eve.

However! I guess it/its pronouns could make Eve feel differently! (and now I will start using she/it for Eve).

All of what I said above would probably still be true, except that over time Eve might lean more into using it/its pronouns. It would be like reclaiming a part of itself that it never knew it lost.

I'm sure there were some people in Eve's life that made it feel less than human, even her own thoughts probably did that. Made her feel like an object (which is why it will sometimes present as a literal object like the chair) and so over time it just... ran with the idea of being an object but one with life.

At least that is what Eve would eventually come to think of herself. After the revolution, getting closure from Zuke, growing more into itself, all of that would need to happen before it would be able to see itself as an object with life instead of an object with purpose.

Let me try to explain what I mean by that.

Eve would see itself as a combination of a woman and natural phenomenon or object that needs a use to be important. Disguising herself as a chair, or comparing herself to tectonic plates, both of those instances were Eve is trying to reclaim what it means to be an object, but they were objects with purposes, easily forgotten about until they are needed or make some kind of dramatic act.

"A chair without a sitter is left with no purpose to exist." Without the direct purpose of a sitter (or another person) then a chair has no reason to exist (Eve has no reason to exist). This mindset shows Eve's co-dependency, but also shows how it sees itself. How it is an object, but it's usefulness and reason to live is defined by what others need of it or of how others see it.

Eve realizes she is a tool, that the only way that it has a reason to live is if it is helping others, or fulfilling other people's needs. She is not fulfilling her own needs, her own idea of who she is. No, instead Eve is acting as an object for others to use, which is why it started going by it/its pronouns.

"Remember when I was the tectonic plates and you were the sea?" This line is another reason why Eve would have started using it/its pronouns. In this aspect, it is still an object, but one that most people forget about until it does something dramatic like causing a tsunami with the sea or earthquakes on land.

Unless you are actively looking at tectonic plates, learning about them, then you really wouldn't care about them until they affect your life. That is how Eve feels. Unseen and forgotten about until it is seen as important.

Being a megastar is kinda like being a constant earthquake, where people can see her all the time and have her on their minds, but over time they get used to this life and what Eve is offering which makes Eve chase a new dramatic flare, a new music style, a new purpose in life to be seen by anyone around her.

When it can find a researcher who cares deeply about the beauty and importance of tectonic plates and is willing to learn more about them to understand them (so someone like Zuke who took time to learn more about Eve and understand it), then she feels seen and loved. Loved as the object that it perceives itself as, that it thinks everyone had forgotten about except for one person. It can start loving itself because of that one person who loves it (and when that person goes away, that love goes away too).

However, ones the revolution takes place and Eve gets closure from Zuke and starts to work on itself, I can see it questioning why it started using it/its pronouns in the first place. Even if it was always just personal use that only a select few people knew about (Zuke and Tatiana definitely knew) and not public knowledge, Eve would still start to question why she started using those pronouns and wonders what it is about that specific set that called out to her.

I can see Eve figuring out all this from above, or at least the general gist of it through therapy and self reflection. Maybe this would make it upset that it was using these pronouns in this way. Feeling cheap or fake for using them (even if it was only known by like 2 other people). There would always be this questioning that Eve has if she truly wants to go by she/it pronouns, and if its reasoning is good enough justification to continue to use them.

Honestly, I love the idea that Eve always kept this mainly to herself. This questioning aspect. I'm sure Zuke and Tatiana would have still used she/it for Eve only when talking with Eve (never outing her since she never said she was okay with that). Mayday and Haym definitely do not know about this. I can see Purl maybe figuring something out about this, or knowing of the it/its pronouns from one of their late nights together, but they never used those for Eve as she never explicitly asked for that to happen.

All that comes to a head when Rin starts going by it/its pronouns. Rin's whole reasoning for going exclusively by it/its at first was to piss off haters and to have fun with its gender. There was never a big deal about it, and soon those pronouns just truly grew onto Rin and stuck.

This was something entirely different to how Eve saw itself using those pronouns. But it also didn't like that justification really at all. Just doing something to piss people off felt too similar to what she was doing before, having pronouns based on how people would or have reacted to a part of the person.

Eve wanted something more internal. Not related to other people, something she could see in herself with these pronouns.

And honestly, if you want to keep this related to the NSpidR AU (or even my Eriverse in general), Hobie and Lizze Natividad would be the perfect people to have Eve realize it is an object with life and not an object with purpose kind of it/its user.

Hobie is in the same boat as Rin, using they/it pronouns to piss people off but to also break free from gender constructs and confinement. It is about being rebellious and messing with people, but also having freedom and power over your own identity.

Similar to Eve, Hobie's gender performance is like literally a performance. Although Hobie performs for themself while Eve performs for other people. That is a thing that Eve will have to learn to change over time.

Lizzie at this point in life is probably still a Psychonaut, same with Raz, and since Eve knew Raz and they reconnected together after the revolution, I can see Eve getting to know Lizzie a bit.

Lizzie going by It/They pronouns with he/him sprinkled in (very rarely she/her) is something that Eve would take interest in. Especially for the reasoning as to why Lizzie would add it/its to they/he/she pronouns.

That is when I can see Lizzie using an example I love, where it tells Eve that using "it" isn't always derogatory and has a lot of built in love and admiration into the pronoun. It's just hard to see if you aren't looking for it.

When someone talks about the sunset or moon saying 'It's beautiful" or that people will talk about a stuffed animal or childhood home they loved and use "it" as a default shows that even though those things are being described by it/its pronouns, the love is still there.

Those things are more than just objects, they are moments of love, cherished memories. Not all of them are that. Sometimes they are just a part of time that happened, but it helped shaped who you are even if you don't realize it. They have no real purpose but to make life full of... well, life.

Lizzie would tell Eve about how the smalls things can seem big, and the big things seem small. They shift and change, sometimes they don't have any purpose to life, but you can just make up a purpose for them to be important. It doesn't matter, as long as it is something that makes you happy, confident, safe, anything positive really.

All of this, seeing so many different reasons as to why some people would use it/its pronouns or a combination set, would allow Eve to figure out her own reason for using them.

I'm not sure exactly what its reasons would be. Probably reclaiming its own identity again but this time in a positive way that is built on introspection and not built on other people's potential view of it.

There is definitely something a lot more complex going on underneath everything. Stuff that Eve might never be able to truly get into words, so it would be hard for me to put it into words (which is how I get when I have to explain my own use of it/its pronouns sometimes), but no matter what, Eve is using these pronouns because they make it happy and more comfortable with itself.

I can even see Eve coming out to the public as using she/it pronouns. Maybe it would be another performance, but a performance that Eve would want to see herself, and not one made specifically for other people. This performance wouldn't be trying to get people onto its level, or trying to get down to people's level, it's not one to make them understand, but one for people to see it as it is.

Otherwise, I see Eve at least letting its friends, family, and loved ones using she/it for her like how Zuke and Tatiana were using them. It would at least no longer be a hidden aspect of her personality when it comes to the people it cares about, and once it sees the acceptance it got (especially from Mayday and Haym), it would feel even more comfortable and confident in its choice to come out fully.

Because I'll be honest, it's one thing to dress in a way different from your gender than it is to be referred to as different from your gender. At least for me it is. I primarily present femininely, but I like trying to go by any pronouns, especially they/it pronouns.

I can see Eve being the opposite, where she does not feel any dysphoria or apprehension when it comes to its visual expression, but there is always a slightly weird feeling when verbally being called something you don't think you truly are. Even if you do think you are truly they/them, it/its, she/her, anything, hearing it is different from seeing it, which is different from visually showing it, to just acting in a different manner.

All of this is complex stuff that Eve has definitely had to go through. Some things easier than others (like her visual self), and it still has lots to work on, but at least it is on the right track for progress.

Anyway, thanks for making me think of this! I love that I was blatantly for she/her exclusive Eve at first, but now I think I changed my own mind lol. I might start referring to Eve with she/it pronouns. Love it when I can make propaganda for my own mind hehe (it always happens too! Because I try to make someone else's view of a character valid, even if it isn't my own cup of tea, and then I just love what I came up with and just start using it too lol :3)

[cowboyjen68]

hi jen! a while ago i started iding as a butch lesbian (tho i've known i was a lesbian most of my life) and i feel like its the closest thing ive gotten to feeling myself. but i always have a nagging feeling that im "not butch" enough since i was pretty feminine for a couple years before (but i was a tomboy when i was young), and im really scrawny and short compared to most butches i see.. im 17 so i know theres time, i just want to know if im not alone on this, or if you have advice in general!

I am not a big fan of the "butch enough" scale. It is one thing to joke among lesbians about a friend being "more butch" or the Alpha butch but jokes aside, in my opinion, we are either butch or we are not. Body size, abilities and strength don't really have anything to do with it. I am 5'3 at 140 lbs, so not very big myself.

At 17 I was working out a lot for volleyball and was working a manual labor job as well as mowing and helping Dad around the acreage but I was still pretty small. Before I hit puberty I was very skinny and short. Dad said we would "have to tie my legs in a knot to know where my knees were".

Being butch, to me, is more of an energy. The space we occupy coupled with the impressions of others as a secondary indicator. We don't fit the normal energy of a woman so people automatically assume "Man" instead of a masculine woman.

There is not shame nor harm in trying it out. If it doesn't fit someday, you can switch it up. Just don't get "I'm Butch" tattooed on your arm and you will be none the worse for wear if butch isn't a long term fit for you.

I definitley attempted to be more feminine breifly in high school, most to fit in and please my mom but i was so awkward I think it acutally made others feel as uncomfortable as I was going against my grain. I settled on gender neutral 1980's clothes like sweatshirts and jeans. Putting on a dress, getting my hair permed and trying to be less "boyish" (in my mom's words) did not change anything about my butchness or really even the way people saw me. They could tell I felt weird in more feminine clothing.

IF you feel a connection and relate to other women you see, like me, on the internet or in real life that means something and you should not discount that. If butch feels right and you are connected to the word by your interactions with the world and other women and your shared experience with other butches then embrace it. Allow yourself to embrace the word butch and seek a community of butches of all ages.

I just want to emphasize, being wrong and someday realizing you are not connected to the word is also okay. You aren't lying or stealing an "identity" or "faking it". You are just learning and growing and figuring it all out. Normal parts of growing up and growing older.

[ro-presents-under-the-nola-stars]

In this AU, we see a butch JJ, who allows herself to live relatively open as a lesbian. She doesn't seem to have ever been with men or anything, and she doesn't seem to mind being affectionate with Shy in public. She doesn't let herself be openly butch, though. She was even kind of femme presenting when she met Shy, but Shy still treats her like she's butch and sees her as such. I guess I was just wondering if you can provide insight into what informs the way Shy treats her and interacts with her. I was also wondering if Shy realizes the weight of importance of her treating JJ this way.

jasira is a fan of traditional of masculine/feminine roles in relationships. she's always noticed those dynamics in the relationships she saw modeled for her growing up. a part of the way she treats jj comes from how she saw the women she looked up to treat their partners. and, so, she grew w the image of when u like/love someone, u tend to them in ur ways and they tend to u in theirs, and it's a balanced give and take but the roles/responsibilities are different. so, that's a third of it.

another third of it is her past relationship. continuing the cycle of how the women she looked up to treated their partners within that relationship taught her how it could take the edge off of her ex's brutality. it is partially a survival tactic, too, not just a show of care/like/love. the survival part of it is the part of her that feels like it's a bit of an obligation. over time, the safer she gets w jj, the more lax she becomes about certain things, and the more we see her lean into the pure desire part of the way she treats jj.

the other part of it -- the jennifer jareau specifics of it -- is that she is really is responding to the energy she gets from jj and to the jj she knows. jj is butch, but not openly so; she presents the way she feels in her home, fully and unabashedly. so, a huge huge huge portion of their relationship/connection happens over skype. all that means is that jasira is used to seeing jj at her most comfortable, she's used to seeing herself be her most masculine, most un-repressed self. so, when she calls her things like "sir" or "daddy" or allows people to refer to jj as her "boyfriend" or caters to her in a way that would b considered "submissive" or whatever, all of those things, she does because she's responding to energy and the version of jj she's most familiar with. also, the version of jj she is most attracted to. she's aware that jj isn't as open about that part of herself, because she didn't present that way when they first met, but jasira felt the energy. it was softer then, but she still felt that masculine energy in her, and even then, she was responding to that.

as far as whether or not she understands the weight that her constant, unrequested affirmation carries, the is no? she doesn't really understand the weight of it, but she couldn't ever really get it. she has her hopes. she hopes it makes jj feel good. she hopes it makes her feel empowered. but, despite the fact that she grew up familiar w the existence of studs/butches, it's not like she's ever had anyone talk to her about them. they were jus around them. she doesn't really understand the complexities of the butch identity and what it would b like to navigate the world as a gender nonconforming woman. not jus that, but jj's own journey w her queerness and her unprocessed childhood trauma is a whole other thing that shy has no insight to. so, she doesn't realize that when she treats jj the way she treats her or when she calls her those little nicknames or uses those honorifics that she's slowly healing a lot of deeply rooted past hurts. she doesn't understand that the constant, unrequested affirmation she gives jj makes jj feel less wrong about how she sees herself and how she feels about her identity and her body and the way she wants to b loved/treated in her relationships. she's got the basic surface level idea of trying to help jj feel more confident in her own skin, but she doesn't understand the why behind why she doesn't. so, yeah, the true weight of importance is lost on her.