#it’s like having an ant farm except I only see one of them at a time whbehebuehjeb

[chaotic-minds-think-alike]

Something so bad happened to me I’m riding my bike again and cleaning my room and drawing what happened here

[wolvebonez]

please do dump about your watcher au as much as you want!! I'd love to hear about it!!

YAYYYY THANKS FOR ASKING its autism time Basically um. You know how most the watcher!grian hcs/interpretations have him as an unwilling participant in all this ? Uh, yeah ! Not this grian:3 Well. Kinda. But. Im a TMA Fan and I love FUCKED UP guys so !!!! Watchers feed off emotions. All emotions, but they're especially known for finding fear or grief or other negative emotions the most nutritionally filling/benefital to their health. However: They can't just sit there around someone whos very happy, sad, angry, ect, and then get fed from that. They have to- uh, for lack of better word- latch onto a players "soul," and tear chunks of that from them, dig into their mind and bite into whatever makes them feel and then tear that away. Sometimes, a feeding will cause the victim to be unable to feel anything at all after the feeding, if a Watcher gorges themself solely on them. Most often, when they use restraint while feeding, the victim will loose all feelings they'd had about the previous days, weeks, or even months, and might feel like everythings "dulled down" for some time while they recover. (Younger Watchers usually have to have physical contact with the victim to feed, older or more powerful Watchers can feed without even being on the same plane of existence as their victim, only needing to be able to See them.) Now, that's all kind of similar to a lot of headcanons about Watchers already, and I pulled the "eating emotions" thing from Martyns Eyes & Ears AU (altho in that its JUST fear), but uh... Heres where it differs: The Watchers aren't sentient. Not really, anyway. They're...predators, beings that know they need to feed and will go to great lengths to do so, survival their greatest worry above all else. Think of them like... Smart animals. Corvids, for example, crows especially- they will investigate their own dead to figure out what killed the other bird so they can avoid it, and are extremely good puzzle solvers. Prairie dogs have an incredibly advanced verbal communication system- able to even denote the speed of which a predator is approaching their den (probably the closest we could get to an ""language"" in the animal kingdom). But neither of those animals, as smart as they may be, are considered sentient. Its the same with Watchers. Watchers CAN communicate, they can understand eachother, they can achieve a certain amount of planning, like how squirrels can count what nuts they have & deduce how many they need, or how whales and other marine life are especially prone to being able to plan & use logical reasoning... They can understand the concept of death and... the concept of keeping their food alive for delayed gratification and a continued food source, instead of just going out and feeding on someone until theyre a husk of themselves, unable to provide more food. How, exactly, they got all the players into the life series/how they made the games IS something im working on, but the point im getting at here is that theyre basically like ants farming aphids, except the aphids are sentient people..? yay..? Ah, and Watcher cant reproduce normally. They have incredibly long lifespans, but when a Watcher does come to its end, they... Well, theyll find an player to bite into the soul of, and instead of feeding, they basically do the reverse- shoving all their energy into that being and becoming a parasite that will eventually take over the host and make them a Watcher, similarly without much sentience. Thats what happens to Grian. :3 The exact process of turning is also in the works but basically it starts by becoming unable to eat regular food, slowly focusing all the players willpower into wanting to eat, before they develop the ability to feed from other players. At this stage they might still be able to feel themself, however after feeding from another you tend to loose your own emotions amongst the ones youre feeding off of, and at some point, any remaining emotions the "player" has, is consumed by them for extra nutrition, and in turn they officially become a Watcher.

UMMMM YEAH!!!! Thats all the worldbuilding I have :3333 Theres uh- a story in my mind, but its not as fleshed out? I also MIGHT make it a fic (heavy on the might) so idk how much i'd wanna spoil. But uh, yeah, Grian'll be a bit of a special case in that his turning takes... a lot longer than normal. ^_^ I put him in the torture world sorry

[crusty-chronicles]

The Moon and Sun (Big Sib Reader x Gon/Killua)

Ch 11: From Bad To Worse

Synopsis: Things just keep getting worse and worse the further you descend into the NGL. And one final push from an unrelenting group of Chimera Ants finally causes Y/n to lose it. Will they be able to keep going after this slip up.

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"Hurry, this way!" Your voice was commanding as you made a sharp turn to the left. The others skidded behind you at the sudden change in direction before following suit. Your pace was decent enough for the three of them to keep up.

It felt akin to following a bloodhound when it caught the scent it was looking for.

Except the trail you were following was one of fear and malice.

The deeper you descended into the NGL, the stronger those emotions were felt. You were trying to follow the most recent ones in the hopes of coming across a Chimera Ant.

So far, no luck.

"It's safe for us to assume that the Chimera Ants have taken full control of the NGL'S interior," Kite said, En picking up the same things your ability had.

"The only question now is whether we can reach the nest before the queen has a chance to give birth to the king."

"If we're lucky, we'll find an ant that'll take us right to her. We just need to time it right." You had once again changed directions. A new feeling of bloodlust showing up on your radar a few miles away.

If you were all quick enough, you'd probably get there before sundown. And hopefully, whatever that thing was would stay there.

You never really showcased your ability like this before, so seeing it in action was something completely different. It felt a little strange to the two boys trailing behind you. You, who had always hung back and offered the occasional guidance, were more serious than ever. More focused than they'd ever seen you.

It made them realize they hadn't known you as well as they thought.

--------------------------

Ghost towns

That would probably be the best descriptor for what you were seeing.

Every village you all stumbled upon was deserted. Signs of a struggle evident, but no blood. It was like they'd been abandoned for years. Or like something scared them out.

No people

Not even any farm animals.

Not a single trace of life.

The current village you entered was no different. You'd been so sure that something was here. That you'd stumble across what was causing all these people to vanish. The bloodlust here had been brand-new, so to find nothing......

You let the boys investigate further with Kite, but you already knew they wouldn't find a damn thing. At least nothing living. Seems this village got hit harder than the others, though.

Windows and doors smashed to pieces. Houses collapsed and the rubble from them scattered.

"Nobody's in here." Gon observed from outside a broken home.

"Anything, Y/n?" Kite called out. Perhaps you'd sensed something he hadn't.

"No. I can't feel anyone. We must've missed it by a few hours." You responded.

Damnit. At this rate, you'd never reach the queen.

"We should still keep searching. Maybe someone left behind a clue?" Gon suggested.

"Be my guest, but there's nothing here." No point in giving false hope. So you waited in the center of the village for them to finish.

But you were wrong about them finding something. Gon, with his enhanced five senses, had picked up on a repulsive scent.

"Hey, something smells bad." He pointed in the direction of a stable a good meter away.

"It's coming from over there."

Begrudgingly, you followed after them towards the smell.

Oh

You knew this one.

The unmistakable stench of rot and decay.

You tensed up at the sight of dried blood leading from each stable towards the forest. It was a rusty brown, meaning that it had been a few hours since the attack.

You didn't need your ability to tell you that everyone was now on edge. Worried about what would be found at the end of this bloody trail.

As long as it was dried, it wouldn't soak into your paper-thin shoes. It wouldn't stick to your skin. It wouldn't shake you up as much. But that didn't mean you were fine.

You don't quite remember how you became this squeamish. There had been a time where it didn't bother you. A time where you were desensitized to the splatters that littered your body.

That kid was long gone now. Their innocence towards the world was gone.

In their place, a coward who couldn't even stand the sight of a drop of blood. Who knew that this much caked onto the floor meant death.

No, you were not at all fine.

But you would push through.

For them.

For her.

---------------------------

You were an idiot for not closing your eyes this time. You supposed it had to do with the stress of everything intensifying. The pressure to find the queen before any more people died. The choice of using your senses instead of eyes to guide you was forgotten.

As you reached the end of the trail, and the scent of rot became its strongest, you were met with several horses skewered on the tops of trees. Blood leaking down and pooling underneath.

A feeling of shock from the others before you doubled over gagging. Coughing and clutching at your mouth, willing the vile building up not to spew out.

Drip

Drip

Drip

The stench of copper mixing with decay. Filling your nose and reaching down to strangle your throat.

What monster would do this?

Deface the dead and use them as trophies.

The beating of your heart in your ears was too loud for you to hear anything else. Your previous focus completely gone.

You made the mistake of looking up again and couldn't stop your body's visceral reaction. Your stomach finally spilling its contents onto the forest floor.

You weren't the only one disturbed by the sight in front of you. You also weren't the only one grossed out by the smell either.

But you were the only one who had reacted so strongly to it. You were more kept together than you had been on Greed Island, but it was enough to cause concern for both boys.

Killua being the one to try and stabilize you when you started wobbling on your feet.

"Why'd you look at it if you know you can't handle blood, you idiot!?!"

You could only continue to dry heave in response. The trembling of your body increasing.

It was a damn shame. You were not prepared mentally for this. And as much as Kite didn't want to admit it, you'd only slow them down if you continued.

Useful as your ability was, there was no point in forcing you to use it if something as tame as this was enough to make you crumble. You wouldn't be able to handle what was in store for the future.

You would get hurt.

And those boys would be reckless on your behalf.

"Think happy thoughts, yeah? Oh! Your best friend. The one with the bullet that never misses. Tell us about him." Gon was on your other side, trying to come up with anything that would distract you from the sight.

"We're not friends. Don't get it twisted. We're rivals, ya hear!"

"Whatever you say Deshin... BestFriendSaysWhat?"

"What? Dang it!"

"He was *cough* a total tool. And he *cough cough* could never-" you froze as your senses momentarily returned to you.

There was something lurking.

Watching the three of you.

And there was two of them.

You turned around quickly, clutching your stomach for dear life. You hobbled one step closer to the underbrush and pointed.

"Quit hiding *cough* like a coward and come *gag* out!"

You were hanging on by a thread at this point. But if you could prevent an ambush, then your limits would just have to hear it.

Gon and Killua tensed next to you, glaring as a figure neared the edge of the clearing.

"Hey!" The being rumbled.

But it wasn't a human that emerged from the forest. Far from it. The creature looked like an amalgamation of animals pieced together.

Phagogenesis was it?

You could faintly feel shock from the others. You shouldn't have let this thing fly past your radar. You shouldn't have let it get this close, presence concealed or not. And if you hadn't been so discombobulated, you'd have sensed it sooner. Both of them that is, but you weren't in any condition to warm them of the other one at the moment. Your poor stomach was still queasy.

"What?" Pure confusion in Gon's tone, trying to figure out just what this creature was.

"What the hell is that thing!?!" Killua exclaimed right after.

Both of them taking a protective stance from besides you. The hostility from their aura growing. All while a certain silver haired hunter watched on, analysing the unfolding situation at hand.

It's presence had been concealed, and yet...

You were able to sense it. You were struggling to stand, but you were able to pinpoint the Chimera Ant's location whereas Kite couldn't feel a thing.

What would have happened if you didn't sense this creature when you did?

Your ability was precise. Practiced to a T. Whatever training you had undergone was either incredibly harsh or incredibly time consuming. Perhaps both. His thoughts were cut short by the ant speaking up.

"Filthy scum! Keep away from my damn prey!" It bellowed before charging forward. Bloodlust oozing from its aura.

You didn't have any time to react, your brain and body still lagging behind. All you could do was stare with unfocused eyes as the ant set it's sights on you.

A fist making harsh contact against your abdomen. The force sending you back against one of the trees. With a final choked out gasp, you were able to regain some of your focus. The pain temporarily grounding you from the gore above.

Your eyes widened as you saw the creature lunge for Gon next. He stood still, shaking at the thought that you hadn't been fast enough this time.

You'd actually gotten hit.

But that was quickly proven to be a fluke as you rebounded with a speed so fast, it looked like you'd never been knocked back in the first place.

The arm extending towards him stood no chance against your instantaneous reaction. Your leg lifted up, then slammed down with a force that shook the ground.

A sickening crack reverberating throughout the forest.

You stumbled back as the pain processed in the Ants head, a screech ringing out a few moments later.

"Damn, didn't mean to do that." You'd meant to stop that thing from attacking your kid, but not to break its arm. Its very splintered and purpling arm.

Even if you did mean to kick the appendage away, you never meant to use that much force. You were never supposed to use that much. But you weren't exactly all here right now. A slip up was bound to happen with the way your mental state had just deteriorated.

Still, you felt bad for the poor thing.

"YOU BASTARD! I'LL KILL YOU!!!"

The Chimera Ant once again changed towards you. A scream of your name from the two boys before you were enveloped in another protective presence.

Kite stood in front of you, effectively blocking off the Ant's access. His aura was strong, tougher or just as tough as Razor's. The stance he took left no openings for an attack. His entire demeanor intense and intimidating.

Silently challenging the creature to make its move.

It all disappeared in an instant as he turned slightly to address you.

"Are you hurt?"

You shook your head.

"No, this thing is weak. I was just caught off guard is all."

You didn't really feel the punch from earlier. You've had much, much worse. If anything, you were just a smidge sore. These things probably had body armor.

"Can you walk?"

"Yeah. I'm fine... Physically I'm fine."

"Good. Follow me."

Your face scrunched up at his instruction, but you trailed behind nonetheless. You figured he must've had an idea. For what exactly, you couldn't tell.

At least not until he led you towards the area where Gon and Killua had grouped up. Both relieved to see you were okay. The ant, however, was getting impatient.

Good, your ability was working again.

"Now Gon and Killua, this one is all yours. Take care of him."

So that was his plan.

You turned and gave him a small glare, opening your mouth and then closing it. Right, he was supposed to be mentoring them. But was now really the best time?

Sure the ant was barley an inconvenience, but c'mon. Your boys were shell shocked. They were probably just as discombobulated as you had been.

Sensing the apprehension in your aura start to rise, Kite explained his reasoning for the suggestion.

"That's a Chimera Ant soldier. There are bound to be plenty more like him from here on out. I won't be able to rescue you during combat like Y/n did. If you can't defeat him, go home."

It was harsh, but like always, Kite was right. If they couldn't beat something as weak as this, they'd be in immense danger here. You were already stumbling around as it was. Hell, you'd probably have to leave soon yourself.

"You'll just be in my way."

But that part was a little unnecessary. Don't baby them Y/n.

You could sense determination and confidence once again surge through them. As if they had just gotten a newfound purpose. There was a spark of defiance too. And if you knew your boys.....

A surge of aura poured out from them, strong and assured. The strength combining with the sheer amount of power made them visible without using your ability.

"I've already told you Kite-" Gon started.

"We're both professionals, too." Killua finished for him.

Their resolve became unbreakable as they approached the ant.

"So don't treat us like kids!"

You elbowed the taller male next to you, expression smug as he met your gaze. You threw a wink before shouting after them.

"C'mon boys, this thing's chump change! You can beat it easy without breaking a sweat! And if you can't, then I'll be very disappointed!"

Their aura seemed to grow stronger at your words.

"Right, we won't let you down, Y/n." Gon assured.

"Yeah, so just sit tight and focus on getting better, eye bags." Killua added.

You'd get him back for that one. For now, you were content to sit back and watch what happened. You had no doubt in your mind that they would win. Your own wave of confidence radiating from you.

And the reaction was a little amusing for Kite despite the circumstances.

The boys didn't want to be treated like kids, and yet they had let you baby them without much complaint. Wanting you to pick them up and coddle them. Thriving at your words of affirmation.

They loved you, that much was obvious. They also seemed to hold the highest level of respect for you. Trusting in your abilities and fully aware of your limits. Deathly protective too, as he was starting to learn from the little glares Killua would give when he thought Kite wasn't looking.

Then there was you who had temporarily caught him off guard twice now.

You'd broken that creature's arm like it was nothing. Not an ounce of nen coating your leg. It was just pure strength. And Kite was briefly reminded of when he had hit both boys away from the smaller ant nest.

You could have done that to him.

You probably could have done worse.

But you held back. You were still holding back. For whatever reason, you were restricting yourself physically. Like you were afraid.

'I didn't mean to do that.' What did you mean to do? What were you capable of doing?

Seems he was wrong about his previous assessment though. You could hold your own perfectly fine. However, he was unsure if letting you push yourself over your limits was the right call.

The battle began soon after, with Gon and Killua charging forward towards the Chimera Ant. Their first round of blows deflected and useless against its body armor. Both being tossed to the side like nothing.

But you had a feeling the tables would turn soon. Afterall, a creature this weak could never cause them any real damage. Not like Razor's spike and sure as hell not like Genthru's Little Flower ability.

You were quickly proven correct as Gon went in for another punch. The ant dodged and slammed its good arm against his back, temporarily winding him. Killua used its distracted attention to his advantage, jumping above the ant and summoning his nen into his hand.

Aura spiking impossibly strong as now lightning enveloped his palm. The ant looked up in shock before being electrocuted by Killua's attack.

"Thunderbolt!" Killua shouted as the electricity made contact with the Chimera Ant. The sky lighting up in a blue hue while the creature itself was unable to move. Shocks coursing through its body and leaving it dazed when all was said and done.

A feeling of amazement from Kite while you were practically beaming with pride. So much so you gripped onto the taller male's shoulders and shook him around in excitement.

"THAT'S MY BOY!" Your words of praise causing the small assassin to turn his head towards you and beam right back.

"Show me rock!" The sound of Gon's voice had you looking over in his direction.

A familiar spike of aura covering his fist. The fiery nen building up to its strongest before he struck the still dazed ant.

"Jan-Ken-Rock!"

The force from his punch sent the Chimera Ant flying in the air. Your feeling of pride swelling even more.

"THAT'S MY OTHER BOY!" You exclaimed shaking Kite again, all while pointing excitedly towards Gon.

The boy in question ducked his head down with a sheepish smile. You really were starting to sound like a parent now, and it felt nice for a change. He supposed if it was you, then being babied wouldn't be all that embarrassing.

All four of you were caught off guard as a second Chimera Ant dashed from the tree line after the first. Picking it up with its talons and taking off.

"Crap. Forgot about that one." You mumbled.

"You sensed that one too?" Kite asked, eyeing the two ants soaring away.

"Yeah, but I kinda forgot about it with everything going on."

That and there was clearly a difference between the two of them. The first ant had oozed bloodlust. The hostility radiating off made it a priority. The other ant had felt neutral. No outward desire of hurting you four. No intention of protecting its friend either.

It was just a spectator. And it didn't seem to be very strong either. It probably could have attacked when you were distracted, but it didn't. Something felt off about that one. Your thoughts were cut short by a screech so powerful, it created turbulence.

"YOU LITTLE BASTARDS! I'M GONNA EAT YOU!!!"

You quickly moved in front of the boys, shielding them from the force of its shrieks. The ant noticed you and seemed to get angrier.

"YOU!!! I'M GONNA TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB AND SKIN YOU WHILE YOU'RE STILL ALIVE FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME!"

You glared back at it, unwavering. Your expression unamused. Not only was this thing weak, but so were its threats. You'd definitely heard worse than that.

"I SWEAR ON MY LIFE, YOU'RE ALL DEAD! YOU HEAR MEEEEE!"

It may have been an insect, but it was more human than you had anticipated. And while you were sure killing one of these things didn't go against your previous oath, it still didn't feel right. They could think and feel, albeit evil thoughts and emotions, like people. Blood was blood, and you wouldn't be spilling any if you could help it.

You directed your attention back to the boys who you could feel starting to panic. Eyes never leaving the sky the ants had fled away in. Defeat was also radiating from them. Like they had failed.

They did fine, at least in your book. And before you could reassure them, Kite spoke up.

"It's because that one's smart." It was as if he knew exactly what they were thinking because as soon as the words left his lips, they both started to relax.

"He just let his lackey in to fight so that we would tip our hand."

They may have let the enemy get away, but you were right all along. These boys were strong. Inexperienced, but strong. They would get a chance to hone in their abilities here. It was no wonder you had so much faith in them. You weren't a pushover either, but something was holding you back.

What interesting company he had found himself in the midst of.

"Are you coming?"

He could feel surprise from the two boys and relief from you.

"See? You two did okay, so don't worry about it," You reassured.

Killua relaxed completely from your words while Gon looked back at Kite unsure. It seemed to catch the silver haired hunter off guard for a second. Expectant honey colored eyes wanting a bit of praise. You were a little grateful it wasn't you on the opposite end of that stare for once.

However, the reason why it wasn't had your expression softening a bit. Kite was someone who'd known Ging personally. Who had his full respect. And Gon had made it very clear the last thing he wanted was to disappoint his father. Which meant he also didn't want to disappoint Kite, because while he wasn't him, he was the closest thing Gon had at the moment.

You knew Killua would take a while to get there. To accept another person into his small circle yet again. But it was only a matter of time before he would give his trust too.

"Hey, don't be so disappointed. Your attacks just now, they weren't that bad," Kite assured, effectively making the boy in green beam up at him. He really did look a lot like his father.

He could feel slight irritation bubble up from your aura. If he knew you, there was a retort going something like, 'Not bad? My boys were incredible. Did you see how far they sent that thing in the air,' on the tip of your tongue.

He wouldn't admit it, at least not here, but he found your protectiveness towards them endearing. So willing to defend them, even over words. Yes, they loved you, but you absolutely cherished them. And before you could give the retort itching to chew him out, he quickly made his point. Maybe he was starting to find that temper of yours endearing too.

"You just need a bit more experience, that's all. If you wanna get stronger, this is a perfect opportunity."

And once again the thought of something bad happening to your little family went through his mind. The boys could get stronger here, yes, but they could also get hurt. You could get hurt protecting them, or from being distracted by your 'condition.'

How many times had he already asked to make sure you three wanted to go through with this?

Did it matter if he asked once more?

"If you aren't prepared, you won't be able to endure the ordeal. From here on out, in victory or defeat, it'll be hell."

And it completely blindsighted him, what happened next.

"Language!" The duo scolded.

It was as if they completely disregarded his warning. Did they really not care, or perhaps...

At the sound of your laughter he turned his head. You were clutching your stomach and wiping away a stray tear.

"I have never been more proud in my life!"

Oh

It made sense now.

You and your habits were starting to rub off. And it once again cemented the idea that the boys really were just kids. Tough as hell, but kids nonetheless.

He could see why you were deathly attached to those boys. And why they had clung to you so effortlessly.

You were doing a great job raising them so far.

"Oh and you bet your sweet bippy we're still in! You're stuck with us, so don't bother trying to scare us off now!" You looked triumphant as you spoke.

A certain confidence radiating off you. Looking at the boys besides you, he could tell they felt the exact same.

Where one went, the other two were bound to follow.

Your bright smile faltered at a jest from Killua.

"You say the most bizarre things. Are you sure you're twenty something? You sound like you're eighty-five."

"I do not, you little ghoul! It's called an 'expression.' Maybe you just need to spice up your vocabulary."

"I've got a few words in mind."

"What was that?"

"Guys stop. You're gonna scare Kite," Gon lectured, stepping between you and the small assassin.

"He's a big boy, he can take it. Ain't that right, Cinderella?" Your tone was teasing as you addressed him.

"Whatever this is," he made a gesture between you and Killua. "Do not rope me into."

You threw your head back and let out another bark of laughter while Killua stuck his tongue out at Kite.

The boy in green quickly bonking the back of his head with a "Be nice!"

It was then that Kite realized he was slowly being integrated into your small family.

For better or worse, he couldn't say yet.

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"Hey, Y/n. I thought you said you weren't a fighter," Gon said after a bit of walking.

You all decided to tread a bit more carefully after the encounter with those Chimera Ants. Which unfortunately meant going a little slower.

"I said I didn't fight, not that I couldn't." You responded.

"Why don't you? It'd be a lot more helpful if you did," Killua asked.

"It's complicated..." You hesitated for a moment.

Was now really the time to talk about it? You couldn't sense any incoming danger. The feeling of malice not as intense in this area.

Maybe just this once.

You couldn't hide things from them forever.

"...When you make a promise to a friend, you keep it. No matter what. And when I was little, I swore I would never fight or kill another human being again."

An alarm bell rang out in Killua's head. 'Again.' What did you mean by that? Why did you say 'again?' Like you had done it before. It didn't make sense, you hated blood. Hell you were freaking out 30 minutes ago.

But why was it starting to make sense. Your ability was tracking, people specifically. Why had you needed to learn that?

You'd mentioned something about perfecting your nen at five years old. Were you killing that young? It would explain why you never made a noise while you slept.

Was that why you were unfazed when he told you he was an assassin?

Because you knew what it was like?

No. You couldn't be. Assassins killed for money to make a living. And you had nothing as far as he knew. They were also raised to be heartless.

You were not heartless.

Even if you were like him, did it really matter?

No

No it did not.

Because who you were now was the person who kept him and Gon safe. Who fussed over the little things but never underestimated them. And whatever you were at five or even a little older than that shouldn't have mattered.

You were Y/n with nothing after or any of those messy labels in front.

However, the promise you made was against humans, not ants. You didn't have to hold back against these things. You didn't have to worry about an actual person.

"But the Chimera Ants aren't human."

"But they act human. They feel human."

Right, because you could sense them. It was hard to remember sometimes that you could feel everything around you. Could you feel his earlier apprehension?

"You defended Gon, though." Killua argued. He just couldn't see the issue when you had already 'fought.'

"It goes a little something like this, okay? If I need to step in, I'll step in to protect the ones closest to me. Which at the moment is you two." Your eyes momentarily softened as you turned around to face everybody.

You were never a fan of leading.

"But promise or not, I don't like hurting people or anything that resembles a person. I don't like fighting and the damage that comes with it. I don't like spilling blood or feeling it on me. I despise taking lives and those who enjoy doing so."

More things were starting to fall in place for Kite as he listened to you. It made a little more sense now why you were holding back. Why you had sworn on your nen. It made him respect you that much more. To make such a meaningful promise at such a young age and to keep it well into adulthood. To value your morals regardless of what the limits you placed on yourself dictated.

He didn't like killing either, not doing so unless absolutely necessary. And even when his hand was forced, most were pointless. Only happening because of the fault of someone else. Like the foxbear that had attacked Gon all those years ago.

The boy didn't know, but it was something that should have been avoided.

Now you and your morals were different. You didn't fight, which was news to him. He thought you hung back because you trusted in the boys' strength. And when you'd broken that creature's arm, it looked very much intentional. But now it made sense.

'I didn't mean to do that.'

You didn't mean to engage like that. You did not mean to break its arm. To cause that much damage. You probably meant to stop it the same way you stopped him back in the Aizan Continent.

Give a warning with no real bite to it.

You didn't kill, or at least hadn't in some while. Meaning you'd disarmed people successfully and either knocked them out or stopped flights from happening altogether.

And his instincts told him it was the latter.

Your resolve and cold glare made a lot more sense now. Your uninterested but intimidating demeanor made sense.

You were done fighting in the NGL. You'd proven enough, so long as you could find the Chimera Ant queen, Kite and the boys would do all the heavy lifting. He wouldn't force you to add another pointless kill to your credit.

But as noble as your words sounded, you knew they were from a place of selfishness. If you fought, you would lose your nen, which was why it was a last resort. If you saw blood, you would panic and become useless. If you killed, it meant you were just like them.

Fear was why you didn't fight. A fear to save your own skin and keep the consequences from it at bay.

You were not a good person.

And if you had said that out loud, the one who would disagree the most would be Gon.

Because right now, he was staring up at you with nothing but admiration. The cause for it wasn't just your stance on fighting, it was your reasoning for doing so.

He loved you for keeping your word to your friend. To potentially value it over your life. No matter the disadvantage it put you in.

And he was sure you loved him and Killua back from the way you went against it to keep them safe.

It meant you valued them just as much as you valued that promise you've probably kept for years. They were just as important.

Gon didn't like it either, when people would kill and feel no remorse for it. He also didn't like when others had no compassion for their friends in battle. He didn't like death to be what determined the end of a fight. A life should never be what settled it.

However, these things weren't human. They most likely wouldn't have the same values. But you held them to the same ones regardless. And he admired you for that.

You didn't need to push yourself anymore. He and Killua would take care of the ants. And if they couldn't, then they would get Kite to help. He did seem to really like you after all. He said he wouldn't help any of you, but the moment you were in danger, he had stepped up without hesitation.

It was funny in a way, how Killua thought you wouldn't care about them just because of a small crush. If the way you had been so proud of them was anything to go by, then they would be just fine.

You deserved to have someone look after you the same way you did them. You deserved someone who could make you just as happy as you made them.

And by Gon's standards, Kite was a decent fit. At least for now, but he'd be watching. Not with as much scrutiny as Killua, but watching nonetheless.

----------------

Your steps faltered as the stench of decay once again reached your nose. It must've been the fifth massacre you've come across today. After the third time you emptied your stomach's contents, you opted for wandering around with your eyes closed. Meaning, Kite was the one now leading with you and the boys following. Occasionally asking for your input when he wasn't sure which trail to go after.

He was also surprisingly understanding and sweet during the ordeal. You figured after his 'You'll just be in my way' comment he would have pushed for you to leave.

Instead he had offered you water.

"You'll dehydrate at this rate. And right now, we need you focused. We can't risk being caught off guard again. Take small sips, we'll refill at the next lake."

He had let you take breaks and gather yourself before moving on. An air of professionalism and worry combined was the way you would describe it.

You were sure the sun had long set by now. Everything was quiet. Eerily so now that you couldn't feel any people. The silence being interrupted by an out loud observation from Kite.

"This is horrible...We could have found them by the stench."

The question of 'why' rang out in your head.

Why kill all these people and leave them there?

You thought the ants only killed for food. To feed the queen.

So why were they just leaving the bodies here?

No

Why were they mutilating them?

You'd given up on using your little spy glass to see. It was all the same anyways. Broken homes, blood, and Chimera Ant tracks that ended up leading to nowhere. And now that bodies were in the mix, the things that would potentially be highlighted would take an even bigger mental toll on whoever saw it. You were sure of that.

The boys were becoming desensitized as it was. No more shock or anger from them anymore. Just dread as the number of casualties increased. This new group of deceased certainly wasn't helping their case.

And by the smell of it, this might've been the worst all four of you had come across.

"Look at this," Killua called out.

There was a sound of something clanky being picked up. Guns if you had to guess. Loaded ones at that.

"So I guess this is the hidden side of the NGL, huh?"

"That's right," Kite confirmed.

It was just as you predicted: crime bosses. Or at least their guards. You hoped their death was quick and not as barbaric as the first body you came across.

"Scratch that one off the bingo card," you muttered.

Knowing your luck, you would indeed come across drugged up ants wielding weapons.

How fun.

"Guys!" Gon's voice snapped you from your thoughts.

You faced the direction his voice was coming from. He seemed further up than the rest of you. Distant but not out of reach. There was probably a sturdy cliff in front.

"You're gonna want to see this."

Sure enough, you were met with rock. Goddamnit. Climbing would be a struggle in your current condition.

But you had scaled up a crater before. It shouldn't be that bad as long as you focused your nen towards your feet and hands.

"You need help?" Killua's voice sounded from next to you.

"I should be fine as long as I'm not caught off guard. Don't worry about me, okay?"

You could feel uncertainty from him despite your reassurance.

"Okay. But you should know, there's a few bodies on the way up."

Your mood soured instantly.

"Of course there is. Damn," you grumbled.

Nothing was going to go your way today, was it?

When you got out of here, the first thing you would do is drown away your sorrows with a pile of sweets and take the longest nap of your life. You deserved that much for all the shit the NGL was putting you through.

"We unfortunately don't have much time to spare."

It was a brief warning from the silver haired hunter before you felt yourself being hoisted up.

You flailed slightly at the unexpected contact. Almost opening your eyes from the shock. You could faintly hear a 'Hey! You can't just pick them up like that!!!' from Killua as hands guided your arms around something.

Was that his neck???

"What're you doing?" There was a slight panic in your tone.

He wouldn't.

There's no way.

"Assisting you up. The way you are now, you won't even make it halfway without slipping. The last thing we need right now is for someone to get injured."

Crass as his words were, there was no denying the concern that littered his aura. Whether it was for you or about completing the expedition, you couldn't really tell.

You tensed once more feeling him move. The wind hitting your face let you know he was moving up quickly. Killua's aura trailing behind as Gon's became closer.

"Relax. If you let go, I won't pick you back up."

It was a warning with no real intention to follow through. And you were briefly reminded that he could once again see you. That he could probably sense just about everything going on in your head.

Your disgust. Your panic. Your ever growing hatred for the NGL. But most of all-

How drained you'd become since that first body.

How your focus started wavering until you just about lost it completely.

And you hated how small it made you feel. The position he'd chosen to carry you in didn't help. Bridal style like you were some fragile little thing. Both of those combined had caused you to verbalize your frustrations.

"I'm not a baby, you ass. I could have made my way up by myself."

But despite your aggravation, Kite's demeanor shifted into something a little softer.

"Like I said, we can't afford to waste anymore time if we can help it. Besides, you're struggling enough as it is."

All of your frustrations seemed to have vanished for a minute, surprised by the softness of his tone.

Why did he care?

Why was he worried about you?

Why had he gone through the trouble of helping you so much?

And why did it have your heart beating a little faster in your chest because of it?

No

Nononono

You were not

You couldn't be

You weren't

You weren't

You refused to believe

But the tightness in your chest and the longing in your aura begged to differ.

You liked Kite

A lot more than you should've.

And the second he set you down, you put a bit of distance between you. Now was not the time to be having these kinds of revelations. The ants came first.

The boys safety came first.

You felt Killua's aura join shortly after. A small hand gripped yours tightly. And if your eyes had been open, you would have seen the upset expression on the small assassin's face. You also would have seen a brow raise at your sudden discomfort from Gon.

He temporarily brushed it off. He'd ask you about it later, for now...

He pointed towards a group of buildings made of rock. Dozens of little lit up windows scattered throughout.

"Is this the place where the Chimera Ants nest?" He asked.

"No, it's not. They don't normally dig holes like this. They build their nests with mud and droppings."

You had forgotten Kite was Beast Hunter. He was in his complete element here, being able to use his previous knowledge to his complete advantage.

So whatever these structures were, (that you could not see at the moment) they were probably manmade. And since you couldn't feel any people...

You shook your head as to rid the thought from your brain. If you kept thinking like that you were gonna break down.

"Let's go, we'll see when we're inside." Kite instructed.

For the first time in years, a feeling of dread washed over you.

Something bad was going to happen. Something so horrible that your body was struggling to prepare you for it.

----------------------

You let your eyes adjust to the dimness of the building before continuing forward. You figured most of the henchmen had been killed outside, meaning there shouldn't be any bodies for you to worry about here.

You should be able to focus for now.

Lacking your previous drive, you were left trailing behind the boys. Your mind justifying it was better this way. Kite would be able to sense any danger in front and you would sense what was in back.

But even that did little to soothe your growing anxiety towards the situation.

Your previous 100 meter radius had dwindled down to around 60 with your mental and physical fatigue. It was okay, but not good enough.

"Now, we don't know when or from where they'll strike, so don't let your guard down. And try not to let what you may see affect you."

You knew that warning was meant for the boys, however, it felt like that last part was directed towards you. Which you appreciated, but it wouldn't really help all that much.

Especially not with goosebumps rising on your arms. And why exactly? You didn't know. Maybe it had something to do with why the air was suddenly thicker in here. Why the atmosphere felt a little more sinister than it should've.

"Yeah, you don't have to worry. We understand," Killua assured.

"The other Chimera Ant completely concealed his presence."

And the small assassin quickly remembered that you sensed that one too. You could see what they couldn't and if you weren't so freaked out by blood, you would have been able to warn them.

So this might be their only chance to search for anything before you caught sight of another bloodied body.

"Can you feel anyone, Y/n?" Killua asked.

You stood still for a second and allowed your ability to search. There were three blimps of life right next to you. One jittery, one dark, and another calm. All being overcome by a feeling of unease.

You focused your eyes a little further than that. Five more little sparks standing still. As if waiting.

"I'm getting five. But I can't tell if they're people or ants." You answered at last.

They were also far enough that you couldn't get a proper read on their strength. However, you could still read what they were feeling.

"Just five? Are you sure?" Gon questioned, instinctively inching towards you.

You nodded.

"Two of them are extremely scared. They feel...."

Broken

Like they had their humanity stripped away from them. An emptiness with a carnal fear. A want for the pain to stop.

You did not like this feeling. It felt icky and dark. So incredibly gross it made you want to turn around.

Could it be possible the ants were torturing people?

But why?

The potential reason made a sick feeling settle in your stomach.

"Y/n?" A worried call of your name before a small hand reached for yours.

You looked down and were met with honey colored eyes full of concern. It would do no good scaring him with what you just sensed. The best thing right now was to keep moving forward and hope you'd made a faulty assessment. (But you've never been wrong before.)

"We should get moving... Just remember whatever happens here, it's not your fault."

'It's not your fault if you can't save everyone' was what you meant to say. Because while you could physically help those two people, you couldn't help them live past what they'd already experienced. And the more you stood in one place, the harder it was to keep your mind from coming up with gruesome scenarios of what was about to happen.

So you moved forward, two pairs of worried eyes following you. Both trying to take in your words.

"It's not your fault."

A statement usually meant for comfort that had somehow sounded more foreboding than anything. Rather than relax them, one felt panicked. The other anxious.

"Keep moving." Kite instructed, having sensed the duo starting to lag behind.

Although harsh, the words gave them the encouragement to snap out of it and rush after you. Yet they both couldn't shake the same question from their minds.

What exactly had you sensed?

------------------------

You entered what you assumed was the center of the large structure. Various boxes and broken chemical vats scattered throughout. Safe to assume this was the drug factory. Maybe the two auras you sensed were just druggies on a bad trip?

There was also dried blood splattered here and there. You tried to ignore the queasy feeling once again building up in your stomach. You thought you would have desensitized some by now. Guess you overestimated yourself.

"Wait a minute, is this-" Gon started. Having realized just what the giant vats might've been used for.

"Yes. This is the dark underbelly of the NGL," Kite answered.

On the bright side, the ants had gotten rid of a major crime boss.

Yeah, no. There was no bright side. This country was just a terrible mess from the beginning and you were starting to doubt even coming at all.

"It's a drug factory," Killua surmised.

"Yeah, so don't be picking up what you're not supposed to. Got it, gremlin?" You warned.

The last thing you wanted for your boys to get sick messing around with what they shouldn't have.

And while Killua normally would have given you pushback to get on your nerves, right now he was relieved. You were still looking after them. Still fussing over them and making a big deal out of nothing.

You were still okay, or as okay as you could be right now. You were still here.

"I won't. Geez, you'd think me and Gon were babies from the way you treat us." He mumbled out the last part, but he could tell you heard it from the small flick you gave to his forehead.

"What type of drug did you say was manufactured here? It's not like crack is it?" You addressed the silver haired hunter who almost lost his composure from your bluntness.

"It's a type of pill called DD and it's mass produced right here," Kite started to explain before elaborating further.

"The hottest new drug on the mainland. It's made from bira trees. There must be a field close by. Ironic given their status as conservationist, right?"

"Not surprising considering how they ran things back at the border. The people in charge don't give a damn what happens here as long as it makes them money." You responded.

It was just the way things were. The rich and powerful taking advantage of the unaware poor and weak. You had known the minute you stepped foot here what things would be like.

"They're making more than just drugs. Look," Killua called out.

"They're the same ones from earlier." He picked up what looked like another automatic. The sight made you frown as another unwanted memory bubbled up to the surface.

"So how does that ability of yours work, cookies and cream?"

"Quit calling me that, gap tooth! And it works by my nen locking onto a target before I fire. Then I manipulate the ammo to follow after. The result: a bullet that never misses!"

"So how come there's holes everywhere except the bullseye?"

"Shut up!"

You hadn't thought about him in a long time. But considering his entire ability revolved around guns, it made perfect sense.

You hoped he was doing well.

"If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say only the leaders of the NGL know the truth," Kite speculated.

"The other community members probably genuinely identify with the environmental message."

"To a cultish degree if they were so willing to execute people over it," you added.

Again, execute, if you may emphasize. Not give a warning or arrest. Execution.

You blamed it on a mob mentality. Of which had ostracized you as a child.

Didn't mean you couldn't respect them for living this way though. It truly was admirable to willingly live isolated from the world.

"This facility, it's the core of the NGL underground, isn't it? So if there isn't anybody in here besides those five 'people' then..." Killua started.

"That would suggest that the Chimera Ants have completely wiped out the underground, excluding a few stragglers. And that a bunch of amateurs with guns didn't stand a chance against them." Kite answered.

It was at that moment you started to sense movement. The five blips of aura slowly starting to approach.

"But what about their boss?" Gon asked.

"He either escaped or was eaten. Either way this is bad news." Kite shrugged off before tensing.

Something was coming this way.

Something that reeked of both bloodlust and fear.

Was this what you sensed when the four of you first arrived? It was no wonder why all your energy had drained in one go.

He held a hand up to signal silence from the boys as the enemy approached.

You also brought your guard back up, meeting his eye and nodding. A silent confirmation that you'd both sensed whatever heading this way wasn't good.

"They're slowly approaching through the middle tunnel." Kite's voice was low as he spoke. Trying not to alert the enemy to your presence just yet.

You stalked forward, footsteps so silent it was like you weren't there. Try as you might though, you couldn't slow your rapidly beating heart. You were too consumed in the ickiness of those auras to try.

You couldn't help but notice they were more spread out than you had originally thought. Three in the middle with the other two separated on either side.

Your mouth grew dry as the anxiety from the presences besides you flared.

"There are more in the left and right tunnels." Kite informed the boys.

And you were very much grateful for it because right now, you didn't think you could speak through your focus. Your eyes searching the darkness for any potential attack. Not wanting to be unguarded again like with the first ant.

"What's your approximate search radius? Is it as good as Y/n's?" Killua questioned Kite.

If there was a chance, even a small one that you'd get a break, it was best to take it. He didn't like seeing you so drained and fidgety.

He didn't want you to keep forcing yourself.

"Unfortunately not. My radius is everything within 45 meters." The silver haired hunter answered.

"Forty-five? So a little less than half of theirs." Gon concluded.

To be fair, you were working with about 60 right now. It would probably dwindle down to zero by the end of the night.

"But depending on my mental and physical state, I'm able to increase that by a few meters... Here they come."

On cue, a sort of rattling sound filled the space. Along with whimpers and cries. The feeling of fear skyrocketing as a figure made its way into the light.

You couldn't tell if you verbalized your horror or not. If you'd let out a gasp or noise of terror. But you did know that you immediately extended your arm outward to prevent the boys from moving forward.

To try and shield them from the sight.

The auras that had been so broken, so devoid of humanity, so driven to the brink of insanity, belonged to humans. Two humans stripped of everything but the skin on their backs.

Two humans being treated like slaves.

Like animals.

Bound by their necks to another monster trailing behind them.

You could tell you were shaking as they inched forward on their hands and knees. You own eyes wide and panicked. Trying to wake you from whatever nightmare your mind conjured up this time.

Because this

This couldn't be real.

"Keep it down you two!" The Chimera Ant lectured before yanking the chain that bound two humans up, effectively choking them.

You needed to get out of here.

You needed to leave.

This was a mistake.

"Who the hell are you?"

Had that thing barley noticed you four?

"How dare you intrude on my turf!"

Your unoccupied hand clenched.

"Help us!!! You gotta help us!!!" One of the men begged.

"Shut your damn mouth, Spot! You're a dog remember!?!?"

You saw the ant lifting it's front hoove up. You turned your head and covered your ears as fast as you could.

The resounding 'crunch' being muffled for you.

This was a mistake.

You felt Gon's aura spike with a horrified disbelief. He shouldn't have to see this.

They both shouldn't be here.

"Oops. I didn't mean to do that." It chuckled out. Shaking its leg to rid it of the gore.

Its words mirroring your earlier ones.

The only difference was, this thing felt no remorse at all for its actions. It felt proud.

"Well whatever. I was getting bored with them anyway. Guess I'll get rid of Rover here, too."

At that you snapped your head up, unable to do anything but watch as the other man tried to plead for his life. To play desperately the part he was given in the hopes he would be spared.

"When you beg like that... It just makes me wanna kill you even more."

The ant went to raise it's hoove up once more. And knowing what was about to happen, both you and Gon tried to jump forward.

"NO DONT!"

"STOP!"

But the both of you were pulled back by Kite. Who admittedly had to use a little more force with you to keep you from leaving.

"Let me go!" Gon struggled against the grip on his wrist.

You, however, had kept still the moment he touched you. You'd been a fool just now. And like always, Kite had made the right decision. You shouldn't have been so careless. You didn't know what these new ants were capable of, and you weren't in any state to do anything about the current situation.

Your judgement had been clouded by your own fear. Your own desperation to prevent another death from happening in front of you.

You were such a disgrace.

"Don't move carelessly. There's more than one enemy here. And they want you to rush toward them." Kite lectured.

If you were in your right state of mind, you would have thanked him for being so levelheaded. For being able to step in before you and Gon had gotten hurt acting recklessly. For being able to explain 'why' and effectively stopping Gon's struggling.

But before you could start calming yourself down, you heard something.

Laughter.

Joyous, sinister laughter.

So loud and boisterous it bounced off the cave walls.

Your head hung low, but even though you couldn't see them, you could feel two more auras approach. Both as evil as the first.

"Now, bye-bye," The first ant cooed down to its captive.

"HELP ME!"

You flinched at the sound of bone breaking. The force being too much for the skull under it, sending specks of blood your way.

"Don't look away!" Kite's harsh words were directed at Gon, who was also having trouble stomaching the sight in front of him.

"If they shoot, you won't be able to see the projectile."

And even though you agreed with his reasoning, you disagreed about it being applied to the boys.

They shouldn't have to be forced to see this.

They were just kids.

They shouldn't have to be desensitized to dead bodies. They shouldn't be used to feeling nothing at the sight in front of them.

Your entire body had started shaking. But something about your reaction was different this time. It wasn't nausea coursing through your veins, but anger.

So much disgust riddled with rage that you trembled to keep your body at bay.

You promised.

You promised.

But all your sympathy and restraint had vanished along with the man's life in front of you.

Don't do it.

Because if you did, then it was all over.

If you lost control of your aura again, this new life you were starting to live would be over.

Endure it.

Endure the neverending feeling of bloodlust.

Endure the fact that this was all real and these monsters had committed an irredeemable act of violence.

Endure the pain from your palms being inflicted by your own nails in an attempt to keep your last shred of sanity.

"Why can't we let them live? Why can't we just leave?"

"Because Father said so. You know better than anyone else we can't hesitate. We have to finish the job we were given."

A harsh stomp combined with a booming crunch as blood poured from what once was someone's head.

"You've become soft, Y/n."

But all the young child could focus on was the never ending stream of crimson that inched towards them. Briefly touching the tips of their boots before they jumped back. As if touched by fire.

You remembered now.

Why you despised the sight of blood.

Your shaky figure did not go unnoticed by the silver haired hunter.

Who felt every bit of your inner turmoil radiate off you.

Unfortunately, there was nothing any of you could do to save that man. He was a goner from the start. And now that you had completely lost all your focus, he would need to step up for the boys. Just while you were temporarily out of commission.

And then you would need to leave. This was clearly too much for you. You'd done enough. You'd gotten them this far.

"I've decided," The head ant started.

"From now on, you four are all gonna be my new dogs."

It was at that moment you finally broke. All warmth, all barriers that had been broken down were gone. The tired circles under your eyes worse than they had ever been.

But it was your eyes themselves that had changed drastically. They were cold. So unbelievably dark and devoid of the brightness they once possessed.

So numb and empty.

"They've always been aggressive, but consuming malicious humans has had an effect on them. And it's made them even more evil." Kite explained.

And while both boys tensed even more at the news, you didn't react. Didn't nod in agreement or move. Just stared down with that empty look and hands clenched by your side.

"What do you mean?" Gon asked.

"Phagogenesis, right?" Killua responded.

"If we don't deal with them here, there's no telling how many more people will be killed."

The three auras next to you increased in output, becoming defensive.

They were going to fight, weren't they?

"Go! Capture them!" The head ant commanded its lackies.

You shouldn't be here.

It was dangerous.

"I'll take the one in the back. The ones rushing at us will go to you two. Y/n, it's best you stay back for now." Kite ordered.

The thought crossed your mind that he was doing a great job stepping into the mentor role. But it was drowned out by your more panicky thoughts. The ones that were begging you to leave while you still had some semblance of control.

But you couldn't just leave Gon and Killua here. You couldn't just run away and hope for the best. You couldn't be a coward.

You had to see this through.

Just for a little while longer.

Both boys spared a worried glance towards you. Wanting to stay by your side until they were sure you were okay. However, the Chimera Ants charging towards them made that idea impossible.

So reluctantly, both agreed to Kite's terms.

"Okay. Make sure nothing happens to them."

It was a light warning from Gon. Because while he trusted the silver haired hunter, he didn't trust the ants. They didn't play fair, and right now, you weren't all there to see their tricks. He didn't want to see you get hurt.

"Right, but you better keep them safe."

And Killua decided this would be his test. If Kite could protect you, then he would stop heckling him. Your happiness meant a lot, but your safety meant even more. If this guy could do that much, then he was alright in the small assassin's book.

"Don't hesitate. Fight to kill." A last warning from Kite as the boys charged forward and lead the ants away.

At that, you finally raised your head up to assess the situation. Killua had moved to the left, a mosquito type creature following after him. Gon was to the right alongside what you guessed was a different type of bug Chimera Ant. Most likely a centipede given all the arms it had. In front of you was some centaur-esque creature. Glaring you and Kite down with anticipation. (Your mind creating a mental blockage around the two broken bodies.)

You needed a distraction right now. Watching the boys fight should do the trick. It should be able to help ground you. So you took a deep breath and got into a comfortable crouching position. One that helped clear your head when you were smaller.

The taller male eyed you from his peripheral but said nothing. You were standing down, but not letting up your guard. You should be fine.

You directed your attention to Gon. Watching as the ant gave a barrage of punches, each being blocked by a more skilled Gon. And when the creature went to give its signature attack, it was left confused as the boy vanished. Only for him to reappear and give a punch of his own to its spine.

And like Kite instructed, Gon didn't hesitate. He summoned nen into his fist, charging up his attack.

A shriek of laughter grabbed your attention from the other side of the factory. The mosquito ant was taking dives around Killua, using the ability to fly to its advantage.

You felt Killua's aura darken. Becoming intense and threatening as the ant went to charge in again. Its arms being ripped to shreds by his quick movements and augmented hand.

Killua kept at it, destroying it's limbs up to the shoulder. His speed and precision causing a visual distortion that made his arms resemble snakes.

You would have been proud if you were in the right state of mind.

The ant retaliated by shooting out a stinger from its mouth. Killua dodged it easily, but wasn't in the clear quite yet. With him distracted, the ant shot out a second stinger from behind, piercing his back.

The ant cheered triumphantly as he fell.

But you still felt Killua's aura going strong. And you knew he was immune to poison thanks to his batshit crazy family.

So it didn't surprise you when he leapt back up and twisted the Ant's neck around. You flinched at the sound. It surprised you momentarily when the ant kept talking. Like it didn't just have its neck snapped.

These things really weren't human, were they?

Making sure to finish what he started, Killua once again manipulated his hand and made one slash towards the Ant's head.

Blue blood sprayed out this time.

You might be able to stomach that.

Killua turned to you, expecting a 'Good job, gremlin!' Instead he was met with cold eyes that shifted direction back towards Gon.

You always praised them after a fight.

You always cheered them on.

So what was this?

This emptiness in your eyes that felt a little too similar to the ones on Greed Island when he asked about that girl.

You needed space and time to think. Then you'd be back to your old self.

Right?

The centaur ant taunted its living subordinate, making a feeling of unease consume it. The ant stood still, as if in thought. Then a new feeling of confidence came from it.

Your view quickly became obscure by the head ant who radiated the most bloodlust. Kite's aura shifted into something protective from next to you as the ant approached.

"Hey, we should get this started soon, huh? Since clearly one of you has nothing better to do."

Seems you were also sensing cockiness.

"Wait a little longer," Kite dismissed. You figured he was also invested in how the fights between the boys would go.

"Screw that! It's not like either of you have a choice anyway!" It bellowed.

"You're in my way. Move...or I'll make you suffer." You at last lifted your head up to address the ant. Your warning causing the creature to meet your glare.

And in your eyes he saw himself die a thousand times over. A thousand ways you would torture him before letting him perish. The eyes of a killer, of a predator that knew its prey stood no chance.

But the thing that scared him the most was your scent. Imbedded in your very being was the stench of blood. He had heard his comrade, Hagya, say once that a true predator, a true threat would have killed so much that the stench of blood would have stained their very soul.

If Hagya was right, then you were a very dangerous Rare. But Yuunju was not a feeble weakling. He would defeat you and make you his new dog. Maybe sick you on your friends for even putting the thought that he should be scared of you in his head.

"You don't scare me!"

"Would you like me to?"

Your cold eyes pierced its very soul. It took a step back as you stood up. You disappeared and reappeared behind the creature, situating yourself back down between the starting fight and Gon's.

He held his breath as you spoke.

"Don't get in my way again. You're not worth breaking the promise I've kept for 13 years."

Yuunju could not beat you. He knew that now. You were too dangerous for even the strongest squadron leaders. But-

If he could kill one of your companions, that might scare you enough to let down your guard. He might be able to have an opening. The question was, who should he kill?

The answer was obvious and right in front of him.

"You," The creature pointed its finger at Kite.

"Will be my opponent. Now, let me see what you've got!"

Kite had watched your exchange with the Chimera Ant with a small frown on his face. He knew you could be intimidating. He witnessed it firsthand along with the cold resolve in your eyes.

But this...

This was not you.

Your presence had never been this cruel. It had never felt so dark.

You were not a malicious person, but right now your demeanor alone had put the fear of god into that Chimera Ant.

He didn't like this.

He thought he didn't like it when you were upset, but right now... He would take that over whatever this was. He would take your snarky comments and cold shoulder any day if it meant he'd never get to see your eyes so devoid of their usual fire and mirth.

"Hurry up before I change my mind!"

Kite let out a tired sigh of his own at this Chimera Ant's persistence. He took a familiar fighting stance. The one he used during your first encounter with a Chimera Ant. Aura becoming something a little more intimidating.

"If you insist."

And you couldn't help but shift your attention towards them, especially when the ant started to radiate weariness. Besides, the other one was the weakest you'd come across today. Gon would be able to beat it easily.

If this was the best the Chimera Ants had, taking down the queen would be a walk in the park.

"Tell me, why are you here?" Kite questioned.

It probably was a good idea to probe these guys for answers. However, you doubt he would be able to get anything out of it. This thing seemed very stubborn and hotheaded. Not a great candidate for answers.

"Huh? This is my castle. A king doesn't need to have a reason to be in his own castle," The ant answered.

Some king it was. Being a little bitch and using brute force to steal a drug factory. Too weak to build up its own empire from scratch. Or perhaps lazy from the way it sent its lackeys to battle first.

"There are many chemicals here that emit strong odors. I would expect you'd want to avoid this place."

A fair point actually. Why would this thing stay in a place that was filled with hazardous materials? Risk inhaling something it shouldn't just for cover.

But if you were being realistic, it was probably because this place was abandoned before these ants got here. It probably let the others do all the work before taking over.

"Shut up! I happen to like it here!" The ant argued.

Liar

"Where's the leader of the NGL? What happened?"

"Beats me. I figure he's probably already inside the queen's belly."

The creature then let out amused laughter.

This thing was lucky it wasn't you who it was fighting.

"I'll build my own kingdom starting here. Then I'll take over the whole world!" The creature monologued.

How pathetic.

How funny actually. This thing couldn't even stare you in the eye, but it planned to take over the world?

Seems Kite was also fed up with this ant, judging by his next words.

"That's impossible for a vulgar bastard who likes to amuse himself by making humans into dogs."

Was that anger slowly rising to the surface? You didn't know he could get mad.

"Is that so?" The ant started.

"Well, you're right! I can't wait to strip you and your friend down and put collars around your necks!"

The creature rushed towards Kite, aiming a punch that was quickly dodged. The silver haired hunter jumping to the side. Taking precise steps back, looking completely unfazed by the ant's attempt.

"BASTARD!" The creature let out a growl before charging forward again.

This time using its hooves to attack. And like before, Kite easily evaded them. Dodging with a spin that gave him momentum to slam his leg against the Ant's head.

It caught you off guard how pretty he looked. How elegant and swift his movements were. Each step being calculated in such a way it almost looked like he was dancing. Silver hair swaying with his movements, making the sight all the more ethereal. It was such a stark contrast to the uncoordinated way the boys fought.

He truly was a beautiful fighter. His posture relaxed and yet it left no room for any openings. This ant was clearly no match for him. But it didn't seem to get that.

It tried to go in for another punch, only for Kite to use the extended arm to tip himself over. Landing directly on the centaur ant's back. It looked back at him dumbfounded. The shock being replaced by anger as Kite finally summoned his ability.

"Hey! Get down here!" Snapping out of its thoughts, the ant tried to swing once again.

It would never learn.

Kite stepped down and skidded slightly back. The little clown summoned from his nen glared at him.

"What is the deal!?!? You only summon me when you're in trouble! You'd better watch it!"

The way it moved around was almost cartoon-ish. Moving side to side and spinning in the air. It reminded you of the little trick you learned for her when you were smaller.

"I don't have time for idle chit chat. Just hurry it up," Kite dismissed. Like he was arguing with a child.

"You know what your problem is? You're too impatient!" Crazy Slots chastised before the numbers started rolling in its mouth.

"Are you messing with me!?!" The ant had grown tired of waiting around. Of seeing this mockery being thrown in his face during combat.

"Forget about making you my dog, I'm gonna kill you!" The ant charged forward one last time, intending to make it count.

"Four!"

"Really? That's a bad spin."

"What did you just say!?! I don't have any bad spins, ungrateful bastard!!!"

For the first time that night, you cracked a small smile. It was a little amusing that his own ability gave him shit. And that he argued back with it. No wonder he put up with you so well.

But your enjoyment had quickly ended as the ant closed in.

"YOU'RE DEAD!"

Kite aimed the carbine up and fired. The singular shot ringing through the cave. That was all it took as the Chimera Ant collapsed, a bullet going right through its skull.

You shuffled to the side to avoid the small droplets of blue blood that came your way.

It was just ink. Just squid ink. Nothing more, nothing less.

You looked up, meeting a very concerned look from Kite. You ignored it. You didn't need any sympathy. You turned your head back in Gon's direction who still hadn't made his move yet.

But he wasn't stalling. He was waiting for the ant to attack first. And attack it did. Leaping towards him with its arms outstretched before tucking the right side in.

But whatever it had planned, it couldn't have predicted Gon's next attack.

"Jan-Ken-Scissors!"

The nen bottled up in his fist outstretched into what looked like a sword. He clutched his wrist and slashed down, cutting the ant in half at an angle.

Your eyes widened at the new move. The furthest he got on Greed Island was paper. And even then, he couldn't seem to get it down. He must've barley thought to try this one out.

God what was he thinking!?!

What if it didn't work!!?!

Never one to stick to certainties, was he? But you'd throw him a bone. You were too tired to lecture right now. You were also dreading what came next. But it was for their own good.

You couldn't stay here any longer.

Like Killua, Gon was expecting you to jump up and either say how proud you were, or completely chew him out for trying a new attack in the middle of a fight.

He was expecting you to be you. What he was not expecting was for you to simply stand up and cross your arms. To look right past instead of at him. It was like you didn't care anymore.

He froze as he sensed movement from behind him.

It all happened so fast. The ordeal only lasting a minute. A minute that stretched into an eternity.

A loud shriek filled the air before it was cut short. The atmosphere in the air became impossibly thick. There was a 'thud' and the sound of the cement breaking before he mustered the courage to turn around.

Never had you looked so wrong. So not like yourself. But that wasn't the issue. You see, the problem was your aura that had been suppressed for so long, was finally pouring out.

The ant that tried to kill Gon just now, was under the heel of your shoe. It didn't even see you move towards it. Couldn't even fathom that the pain coursing through its body had been from you kicking it down with an unrestrained force. It was sure whatever was left of its spine was gone. Its head pinned beneath your foot, choking on whatever this feeling was that radiated off of you.

It was like nothing Gon and Killua had ever felt before. Worse than Hisoka during the Hunter Exam. Worse than anything Illumi could produce. Worse than the nen Razor summoned on Greed Island.

And it was coming from you.

This wasn't you.

This couldn't be you.

The person looking down at the Chimera Ant like it was beneath them. Like it was nothing. The cruelty behind your eyes made it impossible to tell it was you.

The force of your aura causing Gon to fall over and Killua to clutch at his neck. Both unable to fend off your Ren.

So evil it was actually suffocating them.

So dark that even with his own aura guarding him, Kite couldn't avoid the paralyzing effects.

And then you'd spoke.

Voice so harsh and unforgiving. Like you were mocking the creature beneath you.

"Would you like to see what your god looks like?"

'S M A S H'

Blue blood splattered all the way up to your knee. The warm liquid seeping into the thin fabric of your shoe. Touching your skin and pooling underneath the rest of the Ant's body as your aura swelled with an indescribable dark feeling.

"Don't pretend you don't enjoy it. I've seen you covered head to toe in crimson. You enjoy the feeling of blood on your skin. The way it seeps into your clothing and stains your hair. Having it caked onto you while presenting Father with your prize. Who are you trying to kid, little one?

You don't believe in mercy."

All at once the feeling disappeared. You looked down shakily at what you'd just done. The sound of your heart pounding in your ears the only thing you could hear as the ant twitched two more times before stilling. Dark blue spreading on the bottoms of your pant legs.

You fell back in a panic. Shuffling away on your hands and desperately kicking around your 'tainted' foot in the attempts to rid it of the soaked through shoe. Scooching back in a panic and mumbling 'Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!' like a mantra.

The blood wouldn't go away. It was stuck to you. Marking you and reminding you of what you just did. Staining your skin and following you in a murky trail.

A sick feeling settled in your stomach. Rising up and threatening to choke you. Your hands reached up and covered your mouth, tears brimming at the corners of your eyes as you willed the vile to go away. Pleading with your body to wake up. You'd seen enough.

Please just let this nightmare end already.

Please.

"Y/n?" Gon called out as he struggled to feet, finally being able to breathe after your Ren disappeared. Who didn't know what happened, but knew that you were not okay.

But even though you were looking directly at him, you didn't see him. All you could see was her. Brown eyes so light, they were almost gold. But they were filled with fear and uncertainty.

Having just witnessed you do the one thing you swore you'd never do again. Having felt the monsters you'd kept away from her. Because she wasn't like you. She shouldn't have seen you do that.

You didn't want her to stare at you with such disappointment and betrayal. A frown that told you she would never forgive you for this.

The eyes on your back were scorching. All of them watching you. Watching you crumble and disgrace their namesake.

Her figure approached you slowly and your mind went into a panic. You were not safe to be around. You'd hurt her. They would hurt her for being here when she wasn't supposed to.

"STAY AWAY!"

You'd made a swipe with your hand to stop her. To keep her back. But even though the darkness of your aura was gone, it was pouring out at an unregulated rate. Unable to stop it from applying to your movements.

Gon stood still in shock as the power from your unintentional slash approached. But before it could reach him, he was picked up and moved out of the way.

Kite had barely made it.

The ceiling and wall being sliced clean through. You would kill somebody at this rate. Somebody human. He realized now why you had been so adamant about holding back. About being scared of letting loose.

Because this was the result. Tonight had been too much for you. You'd finally reached your breaking point. He took a second to analyze your state.

You were breathing frantically with a purple hue covering your eyes. Your nen must've activated during your panic. Showing you something that they could not see. Perhaps altering your reality a bit.

That would explain why you lashed out at Gon. Because he knew that you would never attack either of those boys. You'd sooner die than do something like that.

But you weren't you right now.

"You two need to leave, now."

Both boys stared at him like they hadn't heard correctly. That what he just proposed was inconceivable.

"Are you kidding me!?!? No!!! We're not leaving them like this!!!" Killua protested.

Because even though he was scared, even though you had reminded him of his brother in that moment, he still loved you. And he wouldn't just abandon you because Kite said so.

"I don't care what you say! Y/n needs-!"

"Now!" It was the closest Kite had come to actually yelling at them.

And Gon hesitated before pulling Killua away. He wanted to help you, too. But the way you had looked at him, like you didn't recognize him, told him there was nothing they could do.

They needed to leave before you accidentally hurt them. But it wasn't because he was afraid of you. He would never fault you for something you had no control of at the moment. However, he knew that you would. You would never forgive yourself if you hurt them, even if it wasn't on purpose.

"Are you actually siding with him!?!" Killua struggled in Gon's grip, trying to turn around.

"Think. They don't recognize us right now. We're helping by not being in the way. How do you think they would feel if they accidentally hurt us?"

The small assassin had stopped struggling at once. Mulling over his best friend's words and knowing he was right. He gave one last look back before letting Gon guide him outside.

"Okay... But if he hurts them, I'll-"

"He won't. Believe it or not, Y/n isn't only important to us."

------------------------------------

The second the boys were out of ear shot, Kite turned to face you properly. You were going through some form of shock judging by the way you shook and backed yourself into a corner. This new side to you was also unrecognizable. Your fear came off from you in waves. Something you had never been up until now.

But just what was it that had frightened you to this point? The Chimera Ant almost getting Gon? No, that didn't seem likely with the way you were after restraining it.

Was it blood? Maybe seeing too much and actually feeling it on you had done it?

He'd give just about anything to know what was going on in that head of yours. For any clue that would help calm you down.

Unfortunately for you, Kite was not the best with these things.

Whenever one of his students was upset, it was usually the others that soothed them. His words could be cruel sometimes. Not coming out the way he would have liked, and they knew that. So he was never really sought after for comfort if something happened.

And the one time he tried, he ended up making it worse. Being nurturing was never really a necessity growing up, and living in that sewer for so many years only further stunted his emotional growth.

It was an understatement to say he had no idea how to approach you now. But he would try. It was better him than either of those boys who were more at risk of being accidentally hurt.

He took slow, heavy steps towards you. Trying his best to alert you to his presence to avoid frightening you more. But you didn't seem to hear them. And as he stood directly in front of you, you didn't seem to see him either.

Eyes still engulfed in your nen.

Touch might snap you out of it. Something real that you could focus on. Slowly, he started to extend his arm out to you. Willing you to take it and finally let your guard down.

However, the moment he reached out his hand to you, you flinched away and curled into yourself. Putting your arms in front of your face as if to shield yourself.

Like he was going to hit you.

"IM SORRY! I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I PROMISE!"

His heart broke for you in that moment. The action reminding him of his time out on the streets. Fending off blows from angry vendors just to be able to eat. Body so used to being beaten down it naturally contorted into a position that would leave it the least injured.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO! I SWEAR! I SWEAR! PLEASE BELIEVE ME!"

But it was the frantic way you apologized that lead him to believe a very different conclusion about what happened to you.

Trying desperately to appease and look small.

Avoiding a punishment that would never happen.

So many broken pieces that just couldn't be put back together anymore. But he would try. And he sincerely hoped whoever did that to you was dead.

He crouched down to meet your huddled up form. Your eyes tightly closed and hands still up for protection. There were about two ways this could go. He would either successfully calm you down or be seriously injured trying.

He could make peace with both.

So as carefully as he could, he engulfed you in what he hoped was a comforting embrace. Immediately you had stilled. Your body tensing up but not lashing out.

Warmth was the first thing you were able to decipher. A warmth and light pressure that was overriding the fear little by little. Making your body start to lean into whatever had been wrapped around you. Craving the feeling and wanting more of it.

The next thing that hit you was a familiar scent you couldn't put your finger on just yet. The calming scent of a forest. Of pine and something a little sweeter. Something reminiscent of lilac. Your senses being flooded by the pleasant smell. One that your mind had perceived as comforting.

You took a deep breath twice before the nen around your eyes at last dispersed.

You were in the NGL. You were in the middle of a drug factory fighting ants. And one had almost killed your little brother. But you saved him.

And then you had gotten mad. So very mad at the fact that these things didn't have any sympathy. That they lacked feeling remorseful for their actions and how even though they were beat, still insisted on causing harm. Their bloodlust so unrelenting it had drained you of everything you had.

Then you'd broken your promise to her. The one set in stone with the exception to anything that wasn't human. The one that you would apply to any living thing because the two of you couldn't have perceived creatures like these to exist.

But she wasn't here.

They weren't here.

Your own nen visualization had tricked your already frantic mind. And now that it had been unsummoned, you could start to think clearly.

She hadn't been real. You knew she was gone. That there was no way for her to be here with you. But your mind loved to play the cruelest of tricks on you.

This feeling though, this exchange of warmth and the comforting scent that surrounded your very being, was real.

It only just occurred to you now that your vision was obscured by something.

No, someone.

And it finally clicked for you where the source of this comfort came from.

"Kite?" Your laxed hands against his chest had started to grip the fabric of his shirt.

"Yeah... Welcome back." His body had become more relaxed against yours, but the arms around you unconsciously pulled you a little closer.

He was here.

He was real.

A momentary relief before you started trembling again. Your boys weren't here. They had seen you be just as ruthless as those Chimera Ants. They'd felt the darkness of your aura that was never supposed to be out in the open again. That they probably thought was yours all the time. But it wasn't.

That wasn't your default and you'd swear it over and over until your throat was raw.

But you knew it wouldn't make much of a difference. They'd seen you at your worst. As a monster.

And then another horrific thought struck you. For those few moments you lost yourself, you'd become a beacon. A beacon for them.

You were such a fuckup.

Your fault your fault your fault your fault your fault your fault your fault your fault your fault your fault your fault your fault your fault your fault your fault your fault your fault your fault your fault your fault

You clutched desperately at the being in front of you. Eyes brimming with a wetness that you would not let fall. You didn't deserve to cry. You were the one who messed up. The one who deserved to suffer. You shouldn't even be accepting the kindness being offered to you right now. You didn't deserve it.

Kite frowned as your condition started to worsen again. You were more present, but your aura was still engulfed in an immense feeling of guilt. Eating away at your mental state. Your resolve keeping you from letting out your frustrations. Still trying to keep yourself together while you were rapidly unraveling.

You were shaking, but you weren't crying. Clutching his shirt so hard he was sure there would be small holes when you let go. And that was probably what you needed most right now.

To let everything go. Everything you've felt since you got here. Everything you'd been bottling up since before.

"It's okay. I've got you." He rested his head on top of yours. Voice as soft and encouraging as he could muster. Knowing you'd heard him from the way your trembling ceased.

"You don't have to hold it in any more, so do me a favor and let go. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?"

It must've been the way he said it, with such a fondness, with so much assurance. Like it was really okay for you to take this opportunity and just be small for once. To have someone help lighten the burdens you carried.

Or perhaps it had been the way his entire being engulfed yours. Creating a little bubble of safety where it was just the two of you. Where nobody else could see you finally break down.

And all at once the damn bursts. Your cries were silent, but they were still there. Clutching Kite impossibly closer. Wanting to be enveloped in his presence. Wanting the feeling of him to drown everything else out. All the terrors this night had shown you.

Letting him move a hand up to cradle your head forwards. Resting between the junction of his neck and shoulder as your tears flowed unrestrained for the first time in years.

The rational part of your brain screaming at you to pull yourself together and toughen up. That being this weak in front of others was bad.

But you couldn't help ignoring it. Instead, focusing on the fingers running through your hair in an attempt to soothe you. Letting you know that it truly was okay.

That the mental toll tonight had given you was justified. And you wanted to believe that, too. But you just couldn't. You could never justify putting everyone at risk because you were too stubborn to leave. Too stubborn to listen to the cues your body was giving you.

Your voice filled with mirth had never sounded as broken as it did when you finally spoke.

"I'm such a failure. I thought- I thought I could make it work. That things would be fine here. But I'm such a screw up. I never should have-"

The shakes coursing through your body were violent as you took a second to let out another silent sob.

Why had you still insisted on hiding.

"I never should have left that stupid game. I never should have come here. I never should have lost control like that."

But you wanted to foolishly believe you could rebuild your life up. That a life worth living with people worth living for was still possible.

"Now they're in danger and it's all my fault. I put them in danger because I was too stupid to just back out when I had the chance! What kind of idiot just ignores their own limits!"

And then your voice had quieted down once more. So low that if he wasn't right next to you, Kite wouldn't have heard it.

"They probably hate me."

There were so many things he could have said in that moment. So many things he wanted to say, but he settled on the one that you probably needed to hear most. The one that was undeniably true no matter what way you looked at it.

"They don't hate you. Those kids love you more than anything. They wanted to stay, you know? To make sure you were okay."

Did they really? 

You doubted it. Not after seeing you that way. There was no way they could still view you as someone worth loving, of trusting after that.

"You're lying."

It was the only defense you had.

"Am I?"

You couldn't sense any deceit from him. Only worry that was starting to swell with something else. 

Longing.

The same feeling reflecting in your own aura the longer he held you.

"Can you look at me for a second?"

You didn't want to. You wanted to stay covered. Stay wrapped up in this feeling that had you spilling your secrets without a second thought. But you didn't resist against him slightly pulling away from you and coaxing your head up. You didn't avert your eyes when they finally met his.

"They care about you, don't ever doubt that. If they didn't, they wouldn't be picking up on your habits to accommodate you. They wouldn't look back over at you, waiting for your attention. They wouldn't have let you come if they didn't want you around them. And if you still don't believe that, then just wait until they see you. I have a hunch they'll tell you so themselves. Okay?"

And you couldn't do anything except nod. Letting yourself believe he was right. He had never been wrong before.

"And about you putting them in danger…you didn't. You protected Gon, didn't you? You reacted quickly and neutralized the threat. What happened after was an accident. You went over your limits, which was foolish, but you didn't have a choice. So for however long you decide to stay, don't use your ability anymore. Let me take care of everything from here on out. I'll protect all three of you."

Even though he said he wouldn't. That if any of you couldn't protect yourselves, you'd need to leave. But he supposed he could make an exception for you. Give you a break from everything you experienced so far. Because truthfully, he wasn't so keen on sending you back anymore. 

"I don't want to just sit back and be a burden. I already can't fight. If I can't use my ability to sense what's ahead, then what am I even good for?" You were completely useless without your nen. And now that you verbalized it, the feeling only intensified. 

You were nothing if you couldn't even do the one thing you were good at.

"You're not a burden. If anything, those boys are going to need you more than ever for what lies ahead. Your comfort, specifically. They're going to need a rock to help them get through this. They've already seen things most wouldn't have been able to stomach. Witnessed inhumane atrocities that most grown men would have crumbled at the sight of. And it's only going to get worse the closer we get to the nest. If you left now, do you think the same words coming from me would mean as much as if they came from you?"

You didn't know when you had moved your head back into his neck, but you were grateful you did. Because right now, you were crying again. You couldn't have been that important, could you? You couldn't have mattered that much to them. But it made sense, what Kite was saying. 

They were kids who shouldn't have to bear the brunt of this night by themselves. Who kept together better than you did, but were still very much affected by what they saw.

"I don't wanna hold them back…But I don't want to push them too far either." You leaned further into him. Wanting his presence to engulf you once more because it was safe. It let you succumb to the ever-growing guilt and regret bubbling under the surface without judgment. Without prying eyes. 

"You won't. You're doing just fine so far." 

And you felt your head being once again cradled. So gently, so lovingly.

Was that what this feeling was? The one that had your heart beating in overdrive. The one that made you feel so safe and protected. The one that made you tease and embarrass him.

A type of love so very special you couldn’t really put it into words.

You loved the boys, yes. But not like this. You had a family once. A clan. And you had loved them once upon a time.

So why did this feel different? Stronger. Why did it make you wanna stay by his side just for the opportunity to be held so tenderly again?

"You smell nice. It helps in a way. Being able to relax, I mean." You said after a while. Your mouth running faster than your brain, unable to catch yourself from saying things you probably shouldn't.

But instead of pushing you away, Kite had rested his head on yours. Relieved that you were finally starting to be yourself again. The tiredness from your aura was still present, but everything negative from before had quelled back down.

"I'm glad." He responded.

And truthfully, he liked your scent, too. The scent of fresh rain that was unfortunately tainted with undertones of copper now. But he had no doubt it would return to normal in time. It would be just as wonderful as it had been when you'd given him back his cloak.

"You know, I think I like you. Is that bad?"

Your sudden confession had him tensing up. He hadn’t expected your forwardness. It caught him so off guard he was sure he turned a bright red. And he had to remind himself that this was still a job, regardless of if he returned your feelings or not. You two would have time to sort it out later.

When he could take you out on a proper date.

But just this once, he would let his professionalism slip.

"No...Not at all."

“Okay.”

He was surprised when you said nothing after that. He expected you to ask him where he stood regarding his feelings towards you. And when you didn't, he didn't quite know what to make of it. 

The way you confessed, though, had clued him in a little. You didn't seem to know what to make of your own feelings. Had you never done this before? Never felt a connection to someone else? It hadn't occurred to him someone could be new to this. New to the very idea of being in love.

And maybe it did endear you all the more to him that you didn’t know how these things worked. 

But time was ticking, and Gon and Killua were probably worried sick. Wondering what was taking so long. 

"We should get going." He released his grip on you and went to get up.

But you pulled him back down into you.

"Can we stay like this a little longer. Please."

You were proving to be a distraction. And maybe that wasn't so bad after all.

"Okay. But just for a few more minutes. We can't stall forever."

"I know."

You just wanted this small comfort to last a little while longer.

—-----------------------

An impatient foot tapped on the ground, getting faster with each passing minute. The feeling of anxiety growing the longer it took.

"Maybe we should go check on them?" Gon suggested. His fidgeting stopping for just a moment.

"You were the one who insisted we wait outside. So deal with it." Killua argued back. His own hands fidgeting as he tried not to get up and go in there himself. 

"I know but they've been gone a long time. I'm just worried." The boy in green looked back at the factory entrance.

"I'm worried, too." 

Because you hadn't been yourself. The warmth that had drawn them to you disappeared. In its place something dark.

Something that Killua couldn't help but associate with his brother. The feeling that left him paralyzed and weak. Except this time, it had been strong enough to actually strangle him. 

For the first time, he didn't feel safe around you. 

But there had been signs leading up to your breakdown. Signs that both of them had ignored in favor of having you here. The most telling one, however, was the fact that you didn't seem to care after their battles. 

You didn't worry, didn't cheer them on, didn't even have a spark of pride behind those tired eyes. You'd always, always told them they had done a good job. 

And when you practically ignored him after his fight, it hurt. 

It hurt to see you turn away with that blank expression. 

It hurt because he didn't want you to be like the rest of his family. He wanted you to be you. To get all pissy when he pushed your buttons. To scold him and bonk the back of his head. To fuss over him like he was a baby and curse out whoever had hurt him or Gon.

He wasn't used to giving unconditional love, but if you came out of that factory like yourself again, then it was already decided he would forgive you. 

"Does it bother you?" He asked Gon after a few minutes.

"Does what bother me?"

"That they didn't recognize you? That their Ren was so heavy and gross?" 

And it took the boy in green a while to think of his answer. 

"I don't think so. I mean, I didn't like them seeing me but not seeing who I was. I think they thought I was someone else. But it wasn't something they could help, so no. That doesn't bother me. And as for their aura…"

If he would have just finished off the ant like Kite said, then you wouldn't have lost control in the first place. You wouldn't be panicking right now.

"It's my fault they got that way. They wouldn't have been so angry if I had just done what I was supposed to. And Master Wing said Ren is a projection of your emotions. We knew they weren't doing so well before we even started fighting. They probably pushed themselves too far trying to keep up with us."

So no, Gon wasn't bothered by either of those things. He chose not to be, so long as you walked out back to normal.

"So you're blaming yourself? You idiot. Don't you remember what Y/n said. 'No matter what happens, it's not your fault.'" Killua scolded. 

Because right now, that was the only thing he could think to say. He should've known Gon's affection for you wouldn't have swayed. To be fair, he stuck around with this ex-assassin even after learning about who he truly was.

"I don't think that applies to this situation. They jumped in to protect me. Because I wasn't thorough enough." Gon argued.

You weren't a fighter, but you went against that for him. You'd been exposed to your phobia full force to protect him.

"Because they love you, you idiot!"

And the words temporarily shocked him. Hearing them said out in the open. You did love them, didn't you? 

You did.

And the thought had him beaming. Temporarily distracting him from his previous feeling of guilt.

"Hey! What's got you all smiley all of a sudden!?!"

"Y/n loves us." 

Killua had quickly turned his face away, embarrassment bubbling up.

"Dummy. Gahh! What's taking them so long!?!" He tried to change the subject, hoping Gon would take the bait.

"I don't know. They have been gone for about thirty minutes. Why are you worrying? Does something about it bother you?" The boy in green taking on a teasing tone, catching on to what Killua was trying to do.

"Of course it does! I don't want lover boy putting his hands on our big sibling! Are you not bothered by it!?!" The small assassin crossed his arms and huffed.

"Not really. I'll admit it's a little weird because Kite was my dad's student. And Y/n is our big sibling. It's like two different worlds colliding, but I trust him. He's super tough too, so Y/n's in good hands." Gon assured.

"Well I haven't seen enough! He needs both of our approvals or else the answer is no." 

He really was being stubborn about this, wasn't he? And it was very amusing to the boy in green.

"What'll you do if they end up together anyway? You can't be upset with him forever. You know what that means right? It means he's officially one of us. Like Leorio and Kurapika. Zushi and Master Wing, too."

But Killua was still not having it. 

"You don't get it. You've never had siblings before. You don't know what it's like to finally have somebody who doesn't want to use you. Who doesn't push you to be something you don't want to." All at once the conversation had shifted into something a little more somber.

"...You're right, I've never had a brother or a sister. But that doesn't mean I love Y/n any less than you do. You know, the one thing I've learned trying to find Ging is that you meet all sorts of people. You make all sorts of friends no matter where you go. And you keep moving forward because no matter what, you'll always see them again."

This time Gon met Killua's eyes with a resolve just as strong as yours.

"You're worried about them not wanting to come with us anymore, right? Well if they do decide to stay with Kite after this, then that's fine. We'll always get to see them again. It's a promise. I don't know why you get so upset when it's clear as day they love us no matter what."

It was like magic the way he could convince Killua of almost anything when he sounded that confident. The way he could get him to believe in everything that came out of his mouth.

"How are you always so sure about these things? I just-I just don't want to let go yet. I know Kite's a good guy. I know he's important to you because he was important to Ging. And I know that he makes Y/n so happy when they talk to him. I know but…It's hard."

"Of course it's hard. It's not easy to let go of someone you care about. But think of it this way- we get another big sibling if things work out." Gon had made it over to where Killua sat, giving him a light nudge to the shoulder.

A small smile made its way to the mini assassin's face.

"Yeah, I guess you're right…But if he breaks their heart, we're gonna give him hell for it, right?"

"Duh. Nobody's allowed to make Y/n upset. It could be Isaac Netero himself and I still wouldn't take it."

---------------

Fun Fact #12: Y/n smells like rain, even though they absolutely despise the murky weather. 

MASTERLIST

Tags: @fandomhoe101 @justxiao @bekahtaylorgriggs

If you'd like to be tagged all you need to do is ask 🥰

---------------------------------

An: A doozy of a chapter with 18k words!!! Y'all are being spoiled, but honestly this chapter could have been longer if my mobile tumblr hadn't kept dying after i reached around 12k words. Legit kicking me out and not letting me edit, so i had to finish in google docs and copy and paste from my laptop.

Unfortunately, there was a cut kiss scene. It just didn't fit right, if that makes sense? I just don't think Kite would've kissed reader after crying. He's a gentleman and I refuse to believe otherwise. 😤😤😤

That's all, uploading is gonna be inconsistent as always, but I'm back baby 🤌🤌🤌

[analogskullerosis]

Looking at Jane and Larry's developing relationships with Shelley Byron and Rama/Mr. 104 and one key difference I'm seeing between them is that they explore romance and connection in two completely different ways, ways that suit what Jane and Larry have been needing to find.

Jane's relationship with Shelley so far this season has been overtly sexual and wonderfully sensual. Jane getting pleasured by the fog in "Nostalgia Patrol" and now the scene with her exploring her own body and masturbating in "Youth Patrol" are beautiful scenes that depict a broken woman finding someone that makes them comfortable with the idea of sex again and brings them a certain joy that they previously thought impossible. Their first encounter last season was fantastic and the two of them have been having a slow and very natural build up to something that I think is going to have a lot of payoff with the next episode. For Jane and Shelley, theirs is sexual pleasure in the weirdest and most beautiful way that a show like Doom Patrol could depict. Besides Cliff, Shelley is the only one that has gotten Jane to drop her guard completely, and it's great that she has Cliff there for her supporting her new sexual endeavors, because if anybody was going to tell Jane what the joys of sex and love/lovemaking can do for you, it's the robot man who hasn't been able to enjoy any of those things for a long time and, sadly, no longer can.

Larry's relationship with Rama is different because I don't really get sexuality from them at all, at least not as overtly as Jane and Shelley's. For Larry, I think he's struck by finally finding someone who can touch him without getting hurt (literally) and struck by the fact that he's finally found someone who went through the same experiences as him. He found someone who truly understands him in a way that nobody else in the Doom Patrol or beyond has been able to. Rita is a best friend to him and can sympathize with all that Larry has endured, but only Rama can empathize with him. They both went through the same amount of hell in the Ant Farm and if I had to take a guess, I think Larry's relationship with Rama will be less focused on romance/sexual pleasure and more focused on Larry being able to fully connect with someone, quite possibly for the first time in his life. Rama provides Larry with the exact same level of safety and comfort that Shelley gives to Jane. Nobody could make Jane vulnerable in a good way except for Shelley (or maybe Cliff) and likewise, nobody has been able to make Larry drop his guard and truly let him be safely exposed beyond the bandages except for Rama. I fully get why people want him and Larry to fuck because there are shots that are absolutely dripping with sexual chemistry between them. Their first scene together in Rita's movies, the scene where Rama tells Larry that he can turn his skin into lead and that Larry can't hurt him, that shot of their fingers touching, Keeg moving from inside Rama back into Larry, the way they're looking at each other when properly introducing themselves, it's all there and then some. The same sensuality that we're seeing with Jane and Shelley. I think that chemistry is also heightened by the fact that Sendhil Ramamurthy is an incredibly sexy man and just radiates that charm, that charisma, that energy that just makes you say, "I need him to take me NOW."

This is something I've always admired Doom Patrol for: it's ability to show queer romance and queer characters finding love and connection through unorthodox means and through means other than "they're gay and have sex with each other." There's so much depth with these two relationships and I'm so incredibly excited to see Jane and Shelley reunite next week. The build up to it has been utterly electric and I highly doubt it will disappoint. I'm also very curious to see where Larry and Rama end up going after this episode.

All of the comedic stuff with the teenage Doom Patrol letting loose (Cliff quoting Riverdale???) was fun to see, but at the end of the day, the deeper relationships between these characters has been the thing that's been keeping me coming back week after week. I fucking love this show.

[julietashton]

it’s hard to be anywhere these days (when all i want is you) - five

part one. // part two. // part three. // part four.

five.

Sophia didn’t return for a whole month, and Peter’s despair grew.

She had always been hard to read. In that sense, she was unpredictable like Tony, but Tony was more emotional than the man himself would ever admit. Sophia, on the contrary, had a control of her emotions that made Peter absolutely clueless as to what she could be feeling.

Objectively, she cared about him—she had told him so. But what did that entail? Was she in love with him too or did she only see him as a friend? Had she broken off her engagement because of him? Had she kissed him because she loved him, or had it been an impulse she was regretting now? Was she avoiding Peter because he deserved it after everything he’d done or because she didn’t want him to get any strange ideas?

It was driving him insane, especially because, part of him, had already started imagining what it would be like for them to be together. He had never allowed himself to think about that before—it had always seemed impossible. But now, he’d gotten a taste of what it could be like, and he believed he would die if he spent another day without her.

“I’m throwing a party,” Tony commented as he observed the bots tidying up the workshop—or, really, making more of a mess of it.

He had finally decided to move back to his penthouse in the Upper East Side because ‘it was closer to Pepper’s work’ and ‘that hippie era of his life where he lived in a farm was over now that he was as recovered as he would ever be’.

Or that was what he’d told Peter. After what Sophia had said, he knew that he was doing it to be closer to Peter now that he was ‘done with his rebellious era’, as Tony also liked to call it.

It made him incredibly happy and cherished. He didn’t even try to hide his tears when Tony had told him he wasn’t moving to LA after all.

“A party?” Peter echoed, confused. “What for?”

“To christen the penthouse, of course.”

“But you’ve already lived here before.”

“Let’s start celebrating the little things in life, kid,” Tony said, rolling his eyes. “Besides, Pepper has remodelled the whole thing. It’s practically a new place.”

Peter couldn’t help but smile. “Okay. When is the party going to be?”

“Well, it’s just a fancy dinner.” Then, as an afterthought, he added: “Sophia’s coming too.”

His brain short-circuited. “What?”

Tony shrugged as if he hadn’t just dropped a bomb on him. Peter knew him too well not to have seen the devious glint in his eyes though.

“Shall I expect you and May too?” he asked instead, cocking an eyebrow the same way Sophia did.

Peter could only nod, his cheeks on fire.

***

Every superhero and/or enhanced being was there.

Iron Man. Thor. Captain America. The Falcon. Hawkeye. Doctor Strange. Quill. His fellow insect people, Ant-Man and the Wasp. The chick with the antennas. The Hulk—was he even still the Hulk? Didn’t matter. There were some Peter had never even heard of.

Even Miss Potts had come to fight, which had surprised him beyond belief, wearing a suit Peter hoped she would let him check out later—if they survived, that was.

After seeing her, he thought he’d seen everything and everyone—until the Valkyrie dropped him on the ground after taking the gauntlet and one of those gigantic monsters tried to cut him in half.

Except someone blasted it off before Peter could get hurt.

At first, he thought it was Pepper. The suit had a similar colour at first glance, and the shape was different than Tony’s, more feminine. When it landed at his feet—he was all sprawled out on the ground—and the helmet showed the person inside, Peter’s jaw dropped.

It was Sophia.

“Holy shit,” he gasped, widening his eyes. “He made you a suit?! That’s so freaking cool and—”

But Peter’s excitement died in his throat when he saw her expression.

He’d seen that expression before. It was similar to the one Tony had had when he’d seen Peter just a while ago—hope, disbelief, amazement, pain, sorrow; all in one look. Before opening the portal that took them off Titan, Doctor Strange had mentioned Thanos’ success in his genocidal plan and how they’d been dead for six months, but everything had happened too fast for him to process what that meant.

It hit him then. He’d been dead for six months and—thank God—Sophia hadn’t. She’d had to mourn him.

He took off his mask but, before he could say anything, Sophia jumped on him, hugging him tightly as her body shook.

“You’re back,” she sobbed, the sound coming out muffled by the way she was sinking her face on his neck. “You’re really back.”

She was still in her suit but that didn’t stop Peter from surrounding her with his arms, closing his eyes to tune out the mayhem and brutality of the battle and appreciate her presence. He breathed her in, his heart taking off at the feeling of her.

For him, it had only been two days since he’d last seen her, not six months, but it might as well have been. She had been in his mind all the time while he’d been on his spontaneous space quest, wondering if he would ever see her again.

“Yeah… yeah, I am. I’m here,” Peter mumbled, pressing his mouth on the crown of her head without thinking. “I’m sorry I couldn’t fight it.”

She let out another sob that also sounded like a laugh, hugging him even tighter. “Only you would apologise for dying.”

He smiled. “Well, I did keep you waiting for a while.”

Sophia drew away slightly, probably to get mad at him, but an explosion coming from nearby startled them.

“A LITTLE HELP, LOVEBIRDS?” The Falcon shouted as he flew over them, firing his whole arsenal like a madman.

Peter quickly put his mask back on; more to hide his blush than anything else. Sophia, on the other hand, rolled her eyes and blasted something off over Peter’s shoulder.

“I thought you were the bird here, pigeon,” she shouted back.

“What did you just call me, young lady?”

Sophia shot Peter a cheeky grin before her face was covered by her helmet and she took off to assist Sam.

“I can see those heart-eyes even with your mask on, Queens,” Captain America’s voice said through the intercom. “Get your arse over here.”

***

Peter had been avoiding people for over two years, so it was a bit overwhelming when he arrived with May at Tony’s penthouse and he found it so crowded.

Pepper and Happy were there. So was Colonel Rhodes and some of the Avengers, but he couldn’t really focus on anyone except on the girl he’d been missing for a month—the girl he’d been missing his whole life, actually.

Sophia looked breath-taking in a dark green dress, with her long hair down in natural waves and her huge eyes standing out even more because of the subtle make-up she was wearing. Her smile was blinding as she talked to people, and Peter felt a stab in his chest, wishing he could be on the receiving end of one of those smiles.

“We should go and say hi,” May said, giving him a pointed look before looking in Sophia’s direction.

Peter nodded, feeling like a small kid again as he followed behind his aunt with hunched shoulders.

“May!” Sophia exclaimed when she saw them approaching. Her eyes found Peter’s briefly and her smile faltered for a second before she plastered it back on. “I’m so glad you came!”

The two of them hugged as he stood there awkwardly.

“It’s so good to see you, sweetie.”

“You too. How are you feeling?”

“Oh, I’m as good as new.”

They started to chit-chat and exchange pleasantries, completely ignoring his presence, particularly Sophia.

“She was faking,” Peter blurted out because his social skills had never been the best. He blushed when both of them looked at him. “May did know who I was.”

His aunt bit back a smile as Sophia arched an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, I know,” she dead-panned.

Peter blinked. “What? You did? But you said—” he trailed off, and realisation dawned on him. “You were only trying to make me go see her.”

She shrugged. “Yep, but it still didn’t work. I guess you only needed a near-death experience to make you realise you were being an idiot,” she bit with a sharp smile. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go say hi to the new arrivals.”

And with that, she shot May a smile and left without giving Peter another glance. He watched her go, motionless on his spot, his stomach churning unpleasantly.

“She hates me,” he whispered.

His aunt gave him a pity look. “She doesn’t hate you, sweetie. She’s just—angry. It’ll take time.”

“How much time?” he asked hopelessly.

“It’s proportional to how much you’ve screwed up—which isn’t exactly little,” his aunt tried to joke, but it didn’t help.

Pepper came over them, probably sensing Peter hadn’t been very welcomed by Sophia, and tried to smooth things down. Soon enough, however, Peter was forgotten again as May and Pepper began catching up, so he sneaked away from them.

Peter didn’t want to look so desperate or make her feel uncomfortable, but he couldn’t help but follow her around like a lost puppy. He kept his distance, never getting close enough to be in the same circle of people she was chatting with, but he was always around—and he could tell that it bothered her.

At first, Sophia was doing a wonderful job at pretending he didn’t exist, but as time passed and he didn’t relent, her eye began to twitch, and her shoulders tensed. By the time Tony called everyone to the huge fancy table he—well, Pepper—had set up and she found out that they would be sitting next to each other, her irritation was palpable.

However, dinner went by pleasantly. Mostly everyone participated in the conversation and the food was so good it kept everyone distracted. Besides, it was a time for celebration—things would never go back to being the same as they used to be, but they were finding peace and happiness in what they were rebuilding together after so much loss and pain.

Sophia was in a good mood. She was clearly happy to see her father doing so well and spending time with people he loved. But Peter could easily notice the three moments that drove her to explode—and they all had to do with him.

The first one was truly an accident. He noticed her glass was empty and he wanted to have a nice gesture, so he attempted to fill it with more wine. It was just bad timing he chose to do it at the exact same moment she went to reach for the bottle, making their hands brush.

It felt like touching a livewire; his whole body reacting to that simple touch as if it had been electrocuted. Sophia quickly drew away, the only sign that she had realised it had happened being the tight clench of her jaw.

“Sorry,” he mumbled sheepishly.

She didn’t try to reach for her glass again.

The second moment was kind of his fault. He heard her phone vibrate before she felt it, so when she pulled it out to look at it under the table, Peter was already paying attention.

Brad, the ID caller said. With a heart emoji.

It was Peter who tensed then, albeit involuntarily, and she noticed him looking down at her phone as well. She declined the call and glared at him.

“Don’t be such a busybody,” she snapped under her breath.

He blushed but couldn’t find it in himself to let it go.

“I thought—I thought you’d broken it off,” Peter stuttered, conscious of how lame he sounded. “The engagement.”

She looked away, fixing her gaze on Rhodey, who was telling one of his anecdotes, even though it was clear she wasn’t really listening.

“Who told you that?”

Peter’s heart fell. “Tony and May. Were they wrong?”

She didn’t answer immediately, and he felt like he was choking, until:

“No,” she said quietly. “No, they weren’t wrong.”

“Then why was he calling you?” he insisted. “Are you—Are you still together?”

Sophia finally looked at him, her expression harsh. “That’s none of your business, Peter.”

He wanted to argue and say something like you made it my business when you kissed me, but he didn’t want her to get more mad. It wasn’t the right time or place to discuss it either, with Tony just two seats away and half of the Avengers sitting at the same table.

“Please,” he whispered instead. “Just say yes or no.”

He held her gaze with begging eyes and, ultimately, it was her who looked away again. She filled her glass with more wine and took a large sip before she obliged him.

“No,” she ground out.

He was so relieved he could have laughed hysterically, but he was already walking on a thin line. Even so, he couldn’t stop the smile that broke out on his face and she clearly noticed it.

“Stop talking to me,” Sophia bit, shooting him a glare. “You already have practice on that. Put it to good use.”

Peter ignored the jab, even if it hurt, and shook his head.

“No,” he said stubbornly and determinedly. “I’m not doing that any more.”

She huffed. “Until I get kidnapped or something and you make it all about you again.”

Ouch.

“You are too smart to get kidnapped,” Peter shrugged. “And I’m sure they would beg us to take you back in only a matter of hours. You’re a pain in the ass.”

Her eyes widened at his reply, not having expected it, which made him feel incredibly smug—especially when he caught her lips twitching, as if she wanted to smile but was trying hard not to.

The third moment happened later, while they were having dessert. It was brief and he had nothing to do with it, but it was the last straw. Sophia was, after all, known to be short-tempered.

“We should do this more often,” Sam commented. “When’s the wedding again?” he asked Sophia innocently.

“There’s not going to be a wedding,” she replied with a tight smile. “But what makes you think you would get invited to it anyway?”

“What?” Sam blinked, genuinely surprised. And, to Peter’s horror—or delight—, the Falcon looked at him. “Did you get cold feet or something?”

A silence so tense it could be cut with a knife fell on those nearby them. Sophia turned as white as Peter’s face was red. Bucky, who was sitting next to Sam, shook his head imperceptibly, as if his friend was a lost cause. Rhodey winced visibly and Bruce pretended to be enthralled by his cake. But it was Tony, out of all people, who raised the bet.

“Nah, I still have hopes for that wedding,” he said nonchalantly. “But in a few more years.”

Sam looked so confused that it was tempting for Peter to laugh and tease him the way he would have done in other circumstances. The fact that Tony had said something like that wasn’t to be taken lightly either, as one of his biggest concerns had always been the man’s reaction to Peter’s not-at-all-platonic feelings for his one and only precious daughter.

He looked at Sophia, but she was already throwing her napkin unceremoniously on the table and walking away.

It took Peter five whole seconds to hastily get up and follow her.

“What the fuck?” he heard Sam ask. “Will someone explain to me what’s going on?”

six.

[nettlestingsoup]

they might be uncharismatic organisms to OTHER PEOPLE. to me they are my husband and my wife and my best friend and the love of my life <3

(do you have a top ten uncharismatic organisms? i'd LOVE to know)

GOD you're so right. and i have MANY uncharismatic organisms that i would love to share with you!!! this list will not be in order of preference it's just gonna be Cool Things.

1: naked mole rats!!! it's kind of in the name! they're naked rats that live underground! a lot of people think they're really gross but they have an absolutely fascinating and very complex social structure that's almost similar to bees, are the only cold-blooded (or mostly cold-blooded) mammal, and are resistant to cancer. it's insane.

2: the suriname toad! the female rears her young in hollows in her back! it's extraordinary, but don't google it if you have trypophobia.

3: earthworms. i think it would be an honour to be reborn as an earthworm. they're fantastic ecosystem engineers, and so much of the soil depends on their ability to break down leaf litter and aerate the earth. they are humble, but mighty, and i think they're very beautiful.

4: vespa vulgaris, the common wasp. i know people hate wasps, i do, but if you stay still they will not sting you, and they're capable of wonderful feats of architecture. they're also incredibly important for maintaining and managing populations of other invertebrates. i think the key theme of a lot of uncharismatic species is that people underestimate their importance within an ecosystem, and vespa vulgaris is certainly one of those.

5: woodlice! i'm very familiar with these little beasts, and i think of them as friends. i grew up in a very old house, and it was very common to see them in corners or behind furniture. they're actually crustaceans, not insects, and they can only survive in damp or submerged areas (except for one species, which lives in the desert!!!)

i'll stop here for now with detail because i have things to do but i also adore vultures (beautiful, beautiful creatures that, like earthworms, do their ecosystem and incredible service by breaking down the dead), hagfish (which have a skull but no spine and are slimy beyond belief), great crested newts, aye-ayes, and ants (again, fascinating social structure, and some species such as leafcutters actively farm fungi that can't be found in the wild)!

i hope that was educational!!! they are all my nearest and dearest, especially the earthworms and the woodlice <3

[bam-monsterhospital]

more bugtalk

warning title for those who don't like bugs. I'm waiting for paint to dry, my adhd has latched on to the topic of 'bugs' and has ran with it, so here we go (an inside look into the adhd train):

yeah termites are cool, like ants, and i personally love the spires they build, but fuck termites. Really it only comes down to aesthetics: ants are cool, segmented, armoured, while termites are grotesque monstrosities with silky-pearly-squishy-looking bits. Nah. No thank you. Very cool, but ugly.

Do i have a favourite species of ant? Hmmm. I have a love-hate relationship with carpenter ants, so not them. Bulldog ants can be used as sutures and I adore that. Leafcutter ants farm fungi. Honeypot ants are adorable and silly-looking... so yeah there we go, those three.

I really shouldn't blame kait for hating ants, considering all the bullshit she's been through with them over the years. Oh also, if you hate ants? Don't move to Nova Scotia... certain areas of that province are just pure anthill. ALL the anthills. No unexcavated earth to be found. Let's just say living there has reprogramed our brains to be hypervigilant of ants... especially carpenter ants.

Honestly, and past-me would think I'm nuts but, I prefer Newfoundland's abundance of wolf spiders to living in ant-central. Wolf spiders don't form colonies, being solitary hunters, they take care of any and all other pests (except for mosquitos and blackflies >:I ), and instead of being a constant presence they only really pop up for specific reasons: high moisture attracts their prey and thus brings them out, etc. All in all, easier to control.

I still hate wolf spiders though. give me garden spoods any day: they at least stay in one place and don't roam... I do love all the zebra jumping spiders in this province though. I haven't seen so many jumping spiders since living in ottawa ouo

I do miss nova scotia's moths though. That's one thing NS has over other provinces: you wanna see a bunch of different LARGE moth species? Visit nova scotia. Here in nfld we get large versions of like, every other bug (flies, wasps, bees, DRAGONFLIES, beetles, butterflies, true-bugs, also non-insect other arthropods: many myriapods, kreb-adjacent boogs like allllll sorts of woodlice aka isopods, etc) but I haven't seen nearly as many moths as in ns.

spring is here, the bugs are coming back! YEEEEE!

[hops-hunny]

Stories That Are Told

Pairing: Tarrant “Hatter” Hightopp x Reader

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 2.2k

Summary: (Y/n)’s so used to being the background character in everyone’s story that she forget she can be the main character in her own.

Warnings: Slight angst but majority fluff!

A/N: I love this man with my whole being omg pls

Stumbling into Wonderland with Alice had been a wonderful thing for not only Alice, but (Y/n) as well. For Alice it was an escape from all the things she didn’t wanna do and would never wanna do. She wasn’t forced to marry some sod of a guy who’d make her miserable for the rest of her life or to be the proper lady she was expected to be, but instead she got a taste of freedom. And although it was an escape for (Y/n) as well, it was an escape of a different kind.

In the other world, with it’s dreary skies and monotonous patterns and cycles, (Y/n) lived a very humdrum life. Her family had never been as fortunate as Alice in any ways of the sorts, it was a miracle that they were friends to begin with. Alice’s father had been friends with (Y/n)’s since boyhood and because of that, he always made sure they knew they were welcome to anything of his that they wished. And while (Y/n)’s father had never taken advantage of that from the way Alice’s mother treated (Y/n) and her family, it wouldn’t be hard to think otherwise.

When Charles was still around, she hadn’t done anything out of line. The older woman always kept to herself, occasionally having an afternoon cup of tea with her own mom. However, her true colors and feelings came to light after the passing of her husband. During the next few months after her husband’s absence, the (L/n)s were there for Kingsleighs. Although they didn’t have the funds to help them monetarily (for they also didn’t need it), they offered their labor and services to the two as much as they needed. Farm work, house cleaning, garden maintenance. Anything you could think they had done. But as soon as Helen was well (as well as you could be after losing someone so dear) , she had forbid them from coming to their property. She didn’t believe her and Alice should associate with people of “such low stature” because it didn’t “align with their image”. But that had never stopped Alice.

Anywhere Alice went, (Y/n) was always there by her side right along with her. They practically went everywhere together and that hadn’t changed since they arrived in Wonderland. (Y/n) was grateful that she had chased after her friend. It was like she knew something would happen. Afterall, crazy things always happen when you put two curious girls together for more than a moment. The friends they had made since they arrived were nothing short of lovely. She knew her sister would describe them as odd characters and disturbing individuals. Telling her to stay far away from them and to not associate herself with those types. But what was wrong with being odd or even disturbing? The only things worth doing in life were a bit odd and disturbing and if that made her peculiar than so be it. 

For the first time in her life, she felt as though she belonged. Sure, it wasn’t her story nor her destiny to be here as it was Alice but that did not mean she did not appreciate Wonderland for what it was. The story had never been her story, not here, and certainly not where they were from. Alice was the main chat and she was the topic that would get trickled in after. 

“Everyone has a part to play, (Y/n). Even if it is not large or as set in stone, each person’s role is necessary for the story to progress, even yours. You’ll see.” the words of that tricky caterpillar replayed in her head over and over again whenever she had a moment to think. What had he meant by that? Was her story not more than to be here in support of her dearest friend and the latest edition to their friends? Was she not just a tool in the scheme of things? (Y/n) had never known people of lesser importance as herself to contribute much of anything big to a legacy as large as Alice’s! 

From her end of the table, she watched as Hatter threw his hat high into the air before it landed on his head causing everyone to erupt in a jostled mess of laughter and cheering. She smiled fondly from a far. Tarrant was a kind man. No matter what was going on or where they were, he always had a way of making her feel included. That’s just who he was. He had known what it was like to feel excluded from things and the last thing he’d wanna do is be the cause of that for someone else. But it was nothing more than his nature, that’s it.

“You know, you should just tell him how you feel.” a velvety voice sounded from beside her ear causing her to jump. The (h/c) haired girl glared at the purple cat, reaching a hand to swat him away but he disappeared once more before appearing on her other side. “He watches you often, even when there is not many around to see. But I always do of course.” The Cheshire cat said in a sure tell tone. The girl scoffed at him, shoving another small pastry into her mouth.

“I’m not in the mood for one of your jokes today, cat. So if you’ve come to mock my feelings during my 2nd to last day in Wonderland, I wish you well and send you off.” she huffed out, crossing her arms across her chest, turning her gaze away from him back to Tarrant who was already looking at her. The Hatter gave her a secret wink and a smile before turning back to the March Hare who seemed rather frazzled about something. Or perhaps excited. But once again, the grinning cat appeared in front of her face once more.

“Silly girl, you ignore the plain truth in front of you? I can see why you and Alice get along so well, both of you can be quite foolish. Oh well, the story isn’t over yet after all.” and with that he was gone. What did he mean by that? The story was clearly over. Alice had done what she set out to do. The Jabberwocky had been slain, the White Queen ruled once again, and all had been made well. And what was with everyone with stories? Not everything you can do will always be a story and not every story comes to an end. She decided not to dwell much on it. This was her last night she’d ever spend in Wonderland and she’d rather like to keep it in good memory.

So when the White Queen offered her a hand to dance she took it, their dresses swaying in the wind in oppositional unison. They all danced with one another, twirling, laughing, and having a grand time. The entire time the smile never once left (Y/n)’s face which a certain hatted man enjoyed with all his being.

--------------------------------------------

“I can’t believe you’re leaving today. It seems as if it was only yesterday when you arrived.” the girl swiveled around to see the red head there, a bittersweet smile on his face. His smile grew once she turned to face him. Removing his hat, he bowed as he grabbed one of her hands placing a delicate kiss to the top of it. “I am delighted to have known a woman as graceful as you.” hot tears sprung into her eyes which she quickly got rid of before he stood up. Giggling some she hopped onto the large sit swing, motioning for him to join her.

“Don’t get sad yet, Hatter. I’ve still got a few hours left. You can’t rid of me that easily.” he joined her on the swing, a wide grin still on his face. Although it was partly real, she could tell there was some sadness lingering behind it. (Y/n) turned her gaze to the sight in front of them. From the large benched swing, you could see just about all of wonderland over the edge of the cliff. “Besides, there’s not much to miss. I’m just me.”

“And ‘just you’ is a lot! I’ll miss everything about you. The way you mimic the bird calls you hear, the way you get excited when the rock you skipped across the water goes further than you imagined,” she looked at him in shock as he continued to speak, “E-even the smaller things like how you leave the crust of your sandwich for last and give your crumbs to the ants. But I think more importantly I’ll...I’ll just miss your presence.” he said the last part softly, staring off the edge of the cliff to avoid her gaze. A million thoughts raced through her heads as he spoke. Could it really be? Could he really share the same feelings as she did? (Y/n) reached a shaky (s/c) hand to lay on top of Hatter’s pale one, intertwining their fingers.

“Hatter, I've got something to tell you. During my time here in Wonderland, I’ve enjoyed every second I’ve had with everyone. But more importantly, I’ve enjoyed my time so much with you and I believe it’s only fair to share with you that my feelings I have for you go beyond those of normal friendship. I guess you can say I’ve grown...quite mad for you.” his head whipped to face her as he stared into her eyes, tears welling within his own. He flashed her another smile except this one was genuine, filled with the love and warmth he had shown her the entirety of her time in Wonderland.

“(Y/n)! Alice sent me to fetch you. I’m afraid it’s time for the two of you to head back.”

-----------------------------

After a lot of shedded tears, heartfelt speeches, and goodbyes that were nothing short of wholesome, it was time for the two to head home. Alice patted (Y/n)’s shoulder before holding her arm out for her to grab. As they neared the portal, (Y/n) turned around once more to stare at her friends but when she got to Tarrant, her heart began to break. The gaze they held with one another was long until she simply couldn’t take it. Without thinking she ran up to him once more, grabbing his shoulders tightly.

“Hatter, Tarrant, I need to know how you feel. I couldn’t live with myself if I left and never knew.” he shook his head, looking away from her as he tried to stop the waterworks that were withheld behind the dam. Hot tears streamed down the delicate skin of the girl’s face. “Hatter...please.” her voice was broken as she begged.

“I believe I wasn’t honest myself either. I am completely enamored by you, my dear. I wish I had said something sooner but even though I couldn’t, I’ll always hold a special place for you in here.” he said, placing a hand over his heart. Standing on the tips of her toes, she leaned forward placing a quick peck to his cheek.

“What if it isn’t too late? What if I stayed?” she started, watching as he shook his head, “Hatter listen! You may think I’d regret if I stay but I think I would regret even more not following my heart the first time it’s ever tried to tell me something. Nothing would make me happier than staying here with you...that is if you’d allow it.” a silence fell over as everyone awaited his answer. Without another thought Hatter leaned down, pressing his lips to hers. The kiss was soft and sweet. Filled with a silent promise, a silent vow to care for her as deeply as his heart will allow. 

“I do not know what I did to get so lucky, but I would do it again if needed.” she felt herself grow flustered at his words. A quick peck was placed on his lips before walking over to Alice once again. The blonde had tears of her own in her eyes. She was glad her friend had found something to fight for, something to call her own. But also for the first time in many years, they would not see each other everyday as they once did. They both stared at each other before throwing themselves into each other's arms, laughing in unison as bittersweet tears fell.

“Good luck. Make sure you put your foot down. You’re Alice! You listen to no one and march to no one’s drum but your own.” Alice gave her a curt nod.

“Take care. We’ll meet again, do not doubt it.” 

Although Alice’s story had seemingly come to an end, it seemed as though (Y/n)’s story was just beginning. For once she wasn’t the side character in someone’s tale, but the main character in her own.

TAGSLIST: @de4ds0up @pink-hufflepuff​ @redpanda-poetry​

[navstuffs]

Double Life (part 1?)

Pairing: Adrian Chase x gn!reader

Summary: Your younger brother's dangerous lifestyle risks Adrian's secret identity to be revealed.

Warning: angst-ish, swearing, blood.

Authors note: i love the idea of Adrian's thirst for justice to be messed up by/for the reader cause he needs to protect them. this might turn into a long fanfic of max 4 chapters

It was the tenth time you were trying to call Preston that day. Your little brother was always with the wrong crew in high school but never got so bad as it was now. Adrian Chase, your boyfriend, had his car parked in front of your house while you anxiously waited for your brother to pick up the phone.

"Come on, Preston, pick this shit up!"

The call went to voice mail again, your frustration making you punch the car's panel, immediately apologizing.

"Sorry, sorry."

"It is alright. Did Preston pick up?"

"No. He is trying to get into my nerves today!"

Adrian rubbed your back and you thanked him when your phone finally buzzed.

"Preston, where are you? I have been trying to call you the whole day! Did you come home at all?"

"Almost home, chill."

"Preston, listen to me."

He had already hanged up. You stared at your phone in disbelief, thinking what did you do to deserve this. Preston had always been the troubled child. Your parents lost your oldest brother when Preston was a baby in an accident and everyone, including you, spoiled him too much. Now he was eighteen, your parents both passed away and he was your only family left. He thought the whole world always needed to bend for him, no matter the consequences.

"Is he coming?"

"Yeah. I will wait for him inside the house. I am sorry that I ruined our date night."

"It's cool. Tell him next time I see him I will kick his ass."

"Not before I do it."

You two kissed goodbye and Adrian watched you get in. He wondered if he should put his suit on and look for Preston but he saw Preston's tall figure turn on the street, walking slowly towards the house smoking a cigarette. Adrian almost decided to stay to help you, but he knew you wanted to have this conversation one on one with your brother, so he turned on the car and drove away.

-x-

You had the biggest headache when you woke up the next morning. When Preston arrived you two got into a horrible fight about his behavior. He was eighteen, didn't have a job, didn't seem to care about anyone except himself, how he smelled like alcohol and weed. Preston decided he was tired of listening to you, going to sleep in the middle of the fight, hitting his bedroom door on your face. You texted Adrian letting him know Preston was home and went to bed.

You took some pills for your headache that morning, getting ready for work. The discussion with your brother last night was exhausting, Preston was bad before but never that bad. Before leaving, you checked on your brother and he was splattered on his bed. At least he changed his clothing. You needed to have a serious conversation with him later.

At work, things didn't get any better. Your boss was worried about a project and said everyone was gonna work extra if they didn't finish today. And not to help, you were very unfocused, worried about your little brother. Preston texted saying he was home, he needed to get out super fast but he was gonna be back in time for dinner. You were gonna argue when Adrian's name appeared on your phone's screen. You walked fast towards the bathroom, ignoring the ugly looks you got from your coworkers.

"Hey, sweet cheeks!" His voice sounded so excited and you couldn't help to smile.

"Hey, sweet ass!"

"So mhm, bad news. They have me working double today."

"Whaaat? How?"

"Mark is sick and Patrick's mom is sick and Laura's dog is sick. Even Andrew's ant's farm is sick today."

"Everyone gets sick on a Friday, even ants I guess" you replied, rolling your eyes. "I am also working until later today"

"What?! Why?!"

"Fucking boss wants all the project done by today. We have a timeline or something. "

"Boo! I am sorry, baby! I will make it up to you, I promise! Saturday Adrian will be all yours. And Sunday. We all know how much you love Adrian weekend."

"You better. I love Saturday Adrian."

"What about Preston? Is he fine?"

"Yeah. We fought last night but I will try to talk with him later today."

"If you need me, you know you can call."

"It is fine, he is my brother. My responsibility."

"You know, I was thinking. I have a friend he could talk with. He helped me a lot. So maybe he could help him?"

"Is it a good friend?"

"My best friend, babe. He is gonna put Preston on the right track in two seconds. Like he did to me."

"If you trust him, I trust him. Set up a meeting. Maybe he could talk some sense on him."

"On it! I have to go babe. Place is busy and so close to lunch. I will talk to you later. Love you!"

"Okay. Love you, too.?"

-x-

You left work at 7 pm texting Preston you were buying some Chinese food so you two could talk, to no reply back. You arrived home, to all lights off wondering where he was. Now it was passing 9:30 pm, food was cold, and no signal from your stupid brother. You were almost calling him for the fifth time when an unknown ID appeared.

"Hello?"

It was your brother's panicked voice, whispering your name. There were noises in the back that looked like screams and shots being fired.

"Preston? What is wrong?"

"Fucked it up,...,'m sorry."

"Preston, what is wrong? Where are you?"

You started grabbing your car keys and putting on shoes, frantically running towards the door.

"Send me your location, Preston!"

The call dropped and you waited for three seconds frozen in your spot when a text message appeared with a location. You put it into GPS and sprinted towards your car.

-x-

You parked near the abandoned warehouse with your heart jumping. It took you around 7 minutes and you thanked for not finding any police cars on the way. The more distant you got, the more sketchy the neighborhood was looking. You checked your car's compartment for your old bottle of pepper spray, shaking it. You never used it and you hoped you didn't have to.

You started walking to the abandoned warehouse and saw a body laying down on the floor. You held back a scream, putting your hand over your mouth. The body seemed to have been mauled to death. You entered the building, sneaking behind boxes, seeing the number of bodies get more. They all seemed to have been sliced or shot somehow.

With your heart pumping in your chest you decided to go follow the bloodied path and heard a few screams and shots in close distance. You saw a guy with a helmet, red shirt, and khaki pants shooting into a group that was shooting back. You tried to call the unknown number with no answer. Fuck fuck fuck. If Preston decided to die and take you with him, you were gonna kick his ass so hard when you got in hell.

Trying to get away from the helmet guy that was screaming obscenities, you walked the other way, between the huge boxes to a more quiet area, keeping a safe distance and listening for any movements around, pepper spray bottle high ready to be used. You got to an open area and heard some movements behind you like someone running, lifting the bottle up. Preston appeared limping between the boxes, in your direction and he had a balaclava lifted above his face. He seemed to be bleeding. There was another guy behind him running that soon got hit by a knife in his eyes.

You ran towards your brother that looked at you shocked, falling in your arms. He had cuts on his arms, legs but the worse was on his belly which was bleeding.

"There is this ninja. We need to get out of here." He tried to pull you away, tripping over his limping leg "They killed a lot of them, we need to get out of here!"

Before he could try to get up again, a knife almost hit him, flying towards another box. Your brother put his body over yours to protect you when you saw a guy wearing a black, green and blue outfit. He had a mask on, with orange vizor and he had his gun pointed towards your brother. He didn't seem to have seen you yet since Preston was serving as a shield.

"NO!"

You went in front of Preston that immediately tried to put you behind him again, but you stood your ground, protecting your brother with your body, arms open. The ninja seemed to freeze, his gun pointing towards you for a second before he put the gun away. Your brother was pleading for him to be killed, not you, but the ninja's eyes were on you the whole time. He seemed stuck since you appeared, unsure what to do and a sense of familiarity run in your body. You assumed the adrenaline pumping in your veins was the reason you weren't scared.

"You done in there, Vigilante?"

Helmet guy appeared behind the boxes, getting to ninja's side. Vigilante. His name was Vigilante. Helmet guy looked back at you two and Vigilante, with expectation.

"What are you waiting for? The cops are gonna appear soon. We have to go!"

Vigilante didn't answer the man, shaking his head, giving a good look towards you before tapping his partner on the arm, signaling to the opposite side, and disappearing behind the boxes. Helmet guy seemed confused but followed without a question.

You turned to your brother and he seemed shocked and confused. The police sirens were getting close so you grabbed him by his side and dragged him to your car.

"I don't get it. They were killing everyone around here."

You didn't answer focusing on taking your younger brother to a hospital as fast as you could.

-x-

Adrian entered the hospital, rushing to the emergency room. You were holding your legs with your arms, staring at the floor, your mind somewhere else. Adrian ran towards you, kneeling to hug you.

"Is he okay? Is Preston okay?"

"Yeah. Cuts aren't as bad, not even the one in his belly, and seem someone gave him a good black eye. But he is expected to survive."

Adrian sighed, throwing himself on the chair to your side. You had called Adrian when you were driving, sobbing that Preston got himself into a bad situation again, asking for him to meet you at ER. Adrian still had the Fennel Fields uniform on him and seemed that he came running from there.

"You gotta talk with Preston." Adrian stated, slowly.

"I fucking know it. He calls me in the middle of the night and he is helping a drug-dealing scheme? Like, he doesn't care about himself at all. I don't want to think what could have happened if I wasn't there."

"The Vigilante dude?"

"Yeah. Preston said he attacked a front and helmet guy, named Peacemaker, attacked them on another front. I think they were working together."

"I see."

Adrian got unusually quiet, rubbing your back. You rubbed your eyes, nestling close to Adrian.

"I don't even want to think what could have happened if I wasn't there."

"Babe..."

"It is true! Vigilante was about to kill him. He was gonna kill him, then he saw me and he just froze, for some reason. It is like we knew each other! Then all of sudden he left and this Peacemaker followed!"

The realization finally kicked in how close you got to your death. You were thanking whatever was the reason for Vigilante to back off or else you would have been killed.

"I am sure I looked like I didn't belong there and he thought well, this is one is protecting the other one. Has something noble on it."

"Mhm."

"Adrian, are you listening to me?"

"Yes, I am. It is just...you should have messaged me as soon as you got the call. You should have told me!"

"I wasn't thinking. My brother was in danger and I went on commando, I guess. Sibling instinct?"

"I am just glad you are safe." He whispered, kissing the top of your head multiple times.

"Me too. And I hope I never see that Vigilante guy again."

Adrian kept holding you until a doctor came out to say your brother was okay and he was going to be discharged soon. Adrian helped put your brother in the car and went to the other window to talk with you.

"I gotta go back to work. Give information to why I ran in the middle of the shift."

"I am sorry, bro."

"You should be, Preston. Just don't get into any more troubles tonight, or I gotta kill you, you heard me?"

"Loud and clear."

Adrian rubbed your cheek, affectionately. You seemed so lost and alone and he had to leave you alone that night.

"Call me if you need anything. I love you."

"Love you too."

They both drove away, with you watching Adrian through your rear mirror until you turned right. Adrian sighed, walking towards Chris Smith's car. Chris was watching the whole situation unfold, baffled, not wearing his helmet any more.

"So you got someone Adrian Chase and only now I know this? Fuck, wait until Economos hears this."

"It is their brother. Their brother probably has it, if they couldn't find it."

Chris has never seen Adrian like this. Usually, he was the silly one, making light of the situation. Now his body was all tense and there was no trace of goofiness on him. All his Vigilante stuff was in the back and even Eagly was very quiet, feeling the tension in the air.

"Fuck, dude. What do you want to do, then?"

"I have no idea. Fucking shitty shit thing!"

Chris started driving in direction of Adrian's house while he grabbed his phone, thinking if he shouldn't text Leota for help.

"What you are doing?"

"Begging Leota to ask her mom to not send any killer to my lover's house?"

"I am sure none of them know it yet. We were the only ones there! We will think of something. Trust me on this."

Adrian pondered, putting his phone back in the pocket. He trusted Peacemaker with his life, but you and Preston were on another level. He was sure he was the one cutting Preston and lucky that Preston decided to run away. He could have killed the boy. It was already hard enough to hide his double life, looking out for Preston when he could and now, you were also in the middle of this shit. He would have to find a way to take you out of this mess.

[redorich]

(Hermit Canyon AU)

Eventually, the Hermit seems to get attached to Puffy. It makes sense- it's been trading gifts with her for months now, and has even shown itself to her a few times, albeit while invisible.

The other SMPers don't think much of it at first. The more curious members ask Puffy questions about The Hermit sometimes, but she knows little, so they quickly give up. Occasionally someone will try to explore the ridiculously trapped town, but they give up once it's obvious they're not getting in.

The trades grow more and more valuable, and one day Puffy opens her barrel to find a beacon, and enough iron to fully power it. She's stunned, naturally. To think the Hermit is so capable it can kill a Wither just to give a beacon away- she can barely believe it.

(In actuality, they cheesed it on the Nether roof, but she doesn't know that)

She does try to hide it, but word gets around, and after another few failed raids on the town (and some rumours that the Hermit can teleport), things settle down again, as much as they can on the SMP.

Then someone steals Puffy's beacon. {You decide who, because I. don't actually watch DSMP, admittedly.}

Puffy, naturally, is devestated- she can't imagine the work the Hermit put into getting it for her in the first place (the most time-consuming thing was getting the Wither skulls, and it wasn't even that bad). But there's not really much she can do, so she carries on.

Except, the next day, the thief wakes up to find their house full of chickens, Puffy's beacon missing, and every single empty space in their chests filled with strategically renamed light grey stained glass panes.

They go outside to find the entire contents of a cave spider spawner on their front lawn. Alongside a ravager. With speed potions. Renamed Pamela's Revenge.

(Cue half the SMP trying to find out who Pamela is)

Puffy, meanwhile, wakes to find her beacon back in its rightful place, and a beautifully terraformed garden outside her house (Scar accidentally detonated a creeper and naturally had to fix the hole...and then went a little overboard. But it's fine.)

op i want you to know that i considered just posting your ask, because it’s already So Good and practically a fic on its own, but i really wanted even more content so i wrote it myself. ANYWAY here’s sapnap’s terrible horrible no good very bad day xD

It’s risky, doing anything on the wide open Nether roof where anyone can see. Hell, using a beacon at all is risky for the Hermits. Still, they’ve got all sorts of farms and copious amounts of materials at their fingertips. They’re past early game, stuck in mid-game while they wait for Etho to scope out more locations, while they build the second Upside Down (which Grian has named the Upside-ier Down), while they build their joint bases miles out from civilization. 

Having a beacon would make the process faster, they reason to themselves. They certainly aren’t risking being discovered just because they’re bored and getting a beacon is an excuse to do something. And hell, Tango made that giant, super-efficient wither skeleton skull farm right next to his double blaze spawner farm, so they might as well mass-produce Nether stars by killing multiple Withers. It’s not that difficult.

On another note, it’s after they gift Puffy one of their many beacons, in addition to a kit of iron blocks for powering the beacon that the Hermits realize that while their gifts are increasing in expense, Puffy’s are... not. So, if Puffy’s around average in the Dream SMP economy, they’ve figured out where most players meet their limit. She hasn’t stopped dropping by, though, which is nice. Her gifts become increasingly handmade, in lieu of upping the ante on material wealth. The Hermits suppose that hand-crafted items have a value that extends past money. Each and every one of them has something that she’s made for them, whether it be a shawl, a blanket, a set of earrings, a bracelet, or a pair of socks.

Apparently the beacon is more of a Big Deal than the Hermits thought. After all, the rainbow castle has several. However, the Hermits realize that they’ve been shortsighted. While it is true that the rainbow castle has several beacons, the castle is the only place that they’ve seen any beacons.

Sapnap steals the beacon. He doesn’t particularly need it, but he wants it, and stealing is fun. Maybe if he’s lucky, he’ll even start another minor war over it. He hasn’t fought Puffy very much. He wonders if she can put up a good fight.

Puffy’s-- not distraught, but she’s upset. That was a gift from the Hermit, a friend who she’s been pulling out of its shell. She doesn’t have much use for a beacon, but then again, neither does Sapnap; he’s just a dick. Just in case, Puffy leaves a note with the rest of the items she leaves in her barrel:

Dear Hermit,

I’m very sorry for losing the beacon you gave me. I made the mistake of keeping it in a normal chest instead of an Ender chest, so Sapnap stole it. I should have seen that coming. I’ll try to get it back, but if I don’t, please know that I didn’t throw it away.

Thank you,

Puffy.

Sapnap wakes up in the middle of a lake. His mattress is floating, and when he tries to paddle back to shore (once he’s done screaming), the mattress tips over and he receives an unpleasant fishy wakeup call. He trudges into his house for a shower, and finds that the showerhead, as well as all his faucets, have been stuffed with ramen noodle seasoning. 

He looks in his chests for a bucket of water. The first chest he checks is not only full of light gray glass, but also trapped. When he opens it, pufferfish fall out of the ceiling and bounce around. He dies to their poison twice before they finally die. The next chest he opens also has light gray glass, no water buckets, and a trap. This one, though, only releases a metric fuckton of chickens into his house. It’s fine. This is fine.

As he looks through his chests, he realizes something. They’ve got glass in them, sure, and they’ve been raided of water buckets, but... the beacon is gone. None of his other items, like enchanted netherite tools or literal diamond blocks, have been stolen. Just Puffy’s beacon.

Whoever pranked him missed a bucket, so he promptly dumps it over his head in an effort to smell less like pond scum and spicy chicken noodles. It takes the whole day to get his base back in order: he’s got to clean out all the faucets, empty all the glass from his chests, throw out all the dead pufferfish, and slaughter chickens by the dozens.

He can’t sleep. Are you fucking kidding. He can’t sleep. A soft hiss catches his attention, only audible now that the quiet of night has fallen. Is there somehow an unlit cave under his base?

Nope. As he steps outside onto his front lawn, he sees a daylight detector near the door that he missed when he came inside this morning. The daylight detector seems to have released approximately fifteen bajillion cave spiders onto his lawn, and they’re all angry, so he shuts the front door in their faces and goes back inside. That’s a problem for tomorrow’s him.

Horns spear the wall right next to where Sapnap was standing five seconds ago. He yelps. What the fuck is a ravager doing on his front porch? And why the FUCK does it have speed potion particles?!

<Sapnap was slain by Pamela’s Revenge>

<Sapnap was slain by Pamela’s Revenge>

<Sapnap hit the ground too hard whilst trying to escape Pamela’s Revenge>

<Sapnap was slain by Cave Spider>

<Sapnap was slain by Pamela’s Revenge>

<Georgenotfound> who is pamela’s revenge

<Sapnap> ;RVAER

<Sapnap> HELP

<Sapnap> RAVEAGER

<Sapnap was slain by Pamela’s Revenge>

<Georgenotfound> good night sapnap :)

<Sapnap> GEORGE OYU BITCH HLEP ME

<Sapnap was slain by Pamela’s Revenge>

<Georgenotfound> zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

-------

Puffy sees a whole lot of nonsense in the chat when she wakes up in the morning, and promptly decides to ignore it. She goes about her morning as usual, heading out to her front porch to sip a cup of coffee in peace. 

She... has a garden now. Hm. That wasn’t there before. And come to think of it, neither was the beacon she lost.

“Thanks, Hermit,” she says with a smile.

-------

Stress sips a cup of tea, having breakfast in Grian’s rustic sitting room with a few of her fellow Hermits.

“D’ya think we went overboard?” she says.

“...Nah,” Cub says.

[findingjoynweirdstuff]

Dream SMP Recap (February 21/2021) - Tommy’s Visit, Guard Training Day

It’s the day for Tommy’s final prison visit, one last visit to see Dream and gain closure. Things don’t go exactly to plan, though, and the situation takes a turn for the worse...

Jack Manifold and Quackity discuss business plans, Eret returns to start collecting taxes, and Sam decides it’s about time to get some helping hands, getting Bad and Antfrost on the job.

A summary of the week’s total events can be found at the end of the post.

---

VOD LINKS:

Foolish

HBomb94

Tommy

Tommy (Again)

Jack Manifold

Eret

Awesamdude

Foolish (Again)

Ranboo

---

- Foolish works on building HBomb a giant mansion in the savannah village.

- HBomb and Niki build a Bellsprout Pokemon head attached to Ponk’s tree in Lemon City.

-

--- Tommy’s Prison Visit ---

-

- Tommy comes online to visit Dream one last time in prison, for closure. Even though Dream is locked up and out of sight, he still feels miserable, a little bit empty.

“I think it’s because I haven’t shut the book. He’s still in my life, y’know?”

- He heads over to the prison. He is greeted by photos of BBH and Rat. The pictures George put on the entrance are still there.

- Tommy comes through to the lobby and greets Sam. Sam asks the questions.

“When was the last time you visited the prison?” 

“A bit ago...like a while back. A month. A month ago.”

“Where is your place of residence currently located?”

“My home over there, down yonder. The hotel. The Big Innit Hotel, Sam.”

“Do you believe that the prisoner is deserving of being locked up?”

“Yes, yeah, I absolutely do. I think he’s a wrongen. I don’t think he deserves death, though. I should make that very clear. I don’t think he deserves death.”

“What are your prior relations with the prisoner?” 

“I think he’s a bastard, he’s ugly, and um...I’d say...We manipulated one another. He...he manipulated me, kind of a bit of the villain, kind of an evil guy, kind of the ‘Dr. Octopus’ of the Dream SMP universe.”

- Tommy puts his items in the locker and they go through.

- Tommy comments on how every traumatic place he’s been in has been made of blackstone.

- Tommy doesn’t need to see Dream, “Unless one of my close friends dies...”

- They make it to the lava wall. The lava descends, and Tommy enters the cell.

- They greet each other. Dream’s lost his clock since the last time Tommy visited, and Tommy cracks a joke.

Dream: “That’s the Tommy I know...”

Dream throws Tommy some potatoes to regen health.

- Dream says he’s happy that Tommy came to visit. It’s been a while. Tommy tells him that it’s his last time visiting. Dream asks why, and insists that he’ll get out eventually.

- Tommy asks about the crying obsidian. Dream explains that it’s a security measure, and he likes to watch it drip.

- Tommy says it’s his last visit again, and the conversation grows more tense as they argue about exile, and Tommy says that he can’t even go into plains biomes now without trembling.

- Tommy then asks about the books he asked Dream to write, to which Dream replies that he burned them.

- Tommy opens the chest and sees the thank you letters. Tommy asks if Dream knows anything about the Egg. Dream doesn’t know much about it.

- The subject of it being Tommy’s final visit comes up again, and Tommy tells Dream that he doesn’t want him in his life anymore, that he ruined L’manburg and almost killed Tubbo.

Dream: “I did bad things, but...everybody thinks they’re right from their perspective.”

Tommy: “That’s not true. That’s not true!”

Dream: “I think I’m right. I did bad things but I did them for good reasons, but I’ve learned, I’ve...I did bad things and I’ve learned that I shouldn’t have done them.”

Tommy: “What good reasons? No, please, enlighten us.”

Dream: “I just wanted a...I just wanted to bring the server together, have it be...a happy family, y’know?”

Tommy: “Bring the server t-- you f-- Dream, you blew up L’manburg, Dream. You tried killing me! You tried killing everyone! You tried hurting people’s loved ones, man, it’s like what the fuck! You’re delusional, man, and I’m fucking sick of it. And I...but I don’t need to go through any of this stress anymore, alright? Because this is me doing this to me now, not you. You’re fine now, you’re locked up now, you’re a bitch. I’m the one that’s giving me the stress here now...but I’m better than that! I’m better than you, alright? So I’m done here.”

“You ruined my past, Dream, but you will NOT ruin my future.”

- Dream continues to insist that he’s changing. All of a sudden, Tommy hears TNT explosions.

Dream: “Sounds like a security issue.”

- Sam disappears. Tommy calls to be let out.

Tommy: “Dream, it hasn’t been an honor knowing you, but it will be an honor forgetting you.”

- The explosions continue.

- Dream says he wrote the 7-days waiver and thinks this might be a security issue, but he doesn’t know what’s going on.

- Dream and Tommy continue to argue.

Tommy: “I KNOW YOU. You haven’t changed! You’re the fuckin’ monster of this server, alright!? Not the Egg, not anything like this, YOU ARE!”

- Tommy only has one life left, so if he dies in here, then he dies for good. 

(Dying by the lava wall to get out would be a canon death)

- Tommy panics and starts burning Dream’s books in the lava. And the item frame. Dream takes the rest of the books into his inventory.

- Dream hands him a book and says he could write a story.

- Dream continually insists that he’s changed, and that he didn’t have anything to do with the TNT.

Tommy: “You’ve not changed, you’re the same old...you’re evil. You’re just evil.”

- Sam messages saying the prison is on lockdown, and to hang tight.

- Dream hands Tommy more potatoes, but he doesn’t have many left. They’ll have to wait for the automated refill.

- Tommy asks how long it’ll be. Dream guesses up to a week, like the waiver says.

“Oh no...”

Tommy ends his stream there.

---

- Jack logs on to check on the hotel and is confused by where Tommy is. He checks Twitter and finds out that Tommy has been locked in prison. He asks Sam to confirm. Sam tells him that there’s been a security issue and no one is to approach the prison.

- At first, Jack is outraged that his plans have been foiled again. But then he realizes that, with Tommy in prison, he’s now gained ownership of the hotel! He rebrands it to the Big Jack Manifold Hotel.

- Jack goes to rebrand and Sam Nook greets him at the hotel. Sam argues with Jack, not wanting Jack to take ownership.

- Jack speaks with Quackity, telling him that Tommy’s in jail. Quackity talks about how there’s soon to be an established currency: the diamond. Jack agrees to pay two diamonds for leather.

- Eret comes over to the hotel and Quackity and Jack speak with them. They tell Eret about Tommy being in jail. Eret calls it a “hostile takeover of Tommy’s hotel,” but Jack tries to convince him that it was bad for branding for Tommy’s name to be on the hotel.

- Quackity tells Eret that he’s setting up a big gathering for the opening of his business soon.

- Jack and Eret argue about hotel pricing.

- Quackity tells Jack to not be intimidated by competition, and also describes a plan to create a network of easily-accessible roads. He doesn’t like the wooden path, and says that Jack’s hotel would be a good destination for business. 

- Quackity questions what Jack will do when Tommy gets out of prison. Jack insists it will be fine.

- Jack works on rebranding.

- He then speaks with Badboyhalo. Bad finds out about Tommy being in jail and is surprised. Jack theorizes that maybe he tried to break Dream out.

- Bad discusses having a room in the hotel. Jack asks for payment.

- Eret comes up with a plan to tax the shit out of everyone.

- Sam starts stream at the prison. He doesn’t know what the explosions were.

- He calls for Bad and Ant, as he’s going to make them guards. They’re part of the Badlands and he trusts them.

- The two arrive. Sam fills them in: Tommy came to visit Dream, as he had already 2 or 3 times, and there was TNT going off near the prison. He needs to figure out what’s happening, but he can’t leave the prison and he can’t be in every place at once, which is where the guards come in.

- He opens Locker 2 since Locker 1 still has Tommy’s stuff in it. Sam then starts filling them in on what each lever does.

- Sam walks them through navigating the prison and then shows them the guard-specific areas like the locker room and stasis chamber.

- Sam then shows them the spawn traps. Ant and Bad set their spawns. Each guard gets three full sets of Netherite, three chances to stop whatever security issue may arise.

- At the end of the next tunnel is something top secret that can’t be showed on-stream. 

- He also shows the chest with the waivers, including Ranboo’s in Enderman.

- Sam declares Ant and Bad officially guards. They are happy to finally be employed. Sam says he’s not paying them anything except the satisfaction of knowing they’ll be helping to keep Dream in there.

- Sam, Bad and Ant find Eret’s tax request.

- Ranboo works on building a farm, starting his farmer arc.

- There’s a secret message spelled out in his inventory that reads: “HE IS IN CON(T)ROL.”

Upcoming Events:

- Quackity’s business reveal

- Whatever is going to happen in the prison now...

END OF WEEK RECAP:

2/15 - Ranboo finds his wall signs changed

2/16 - Tommy’s hotel opening, Karl and Sapnap name Kinoko Kingdom

2/17 - Foolish, Ponk and HBomb’s lore, Bad confronts Puffy about the propaganda

2/18 - Bad and Antfrost confront Puffy about the propaganda

2/19 - George vandalizes the prison, Captain Puffy’s Prank Wars

2/20 - Nothing much happens.

2/21 - Tommy gets trapped in prison, Jack and Quackity speak, Eret returns

[roachliquid]

Insect Facts: Differences between Ants and Termites

As y'all probably know, ants and termites have a lot in common. They live in eusocial colonies, they have queens who rule the nest and produce children, and they can be a real problem when humans try to live too close to them. But when you scratch the surface of these amazing, wonderful insects, there are a lot of little differences that make each of them special. Let's take a look!

1. Ants and termites aren't related to each other.

I've mentioned this before, but it's one of my favorite facts. While ants and termites are both insects, they're otherwise not closely related at all! Ants are a part of the order Hymenoptera, which of course includes bees, wasps, and sawflies. Termites, on the other hand, are part of the order Blattodea - the cockroaches! Aside from the obvious information that termites aren't ants, this also tells us that these insects developed eusociality completely separate from each other. It's just so successful as a survival mechanism that it developed twice!

2. Ant colonies are considered all-female, while termite colonies have both male and female members.

Ants are well-known for their all-female colonies, where the only males are drones who die after mating and leave all the work to the queen and her daughters. Termite colonies, on the other hand, have both male and female members - and not just on the reproductive level. The most obvious example are the primary reproductives (the official term for the queen and king), but any termite no matter their role might be either male or female. Good luck telling the difference, though - workers, soldiers, and auxiliary reproductives are prevented from fully maturing by the king and queen's pheromones, so they never develop that dramatic sexual dimorphism that you see in the primary pair.

And that leads into our next fact!

3. Ant colonies have just one queen, while a termite colony can have several.

While ant colonies have just one queen who lays tons of eggs, termite queens aren't quite as efficient at having babies. So if the king and queen aren't making enough offspring to meet the needs of the nest, they might allow the development of auxiliary reproductives - kings and queens who develop to the point where they're able to breed and lay eggs, but not grow to the size of the original pair or produce royal pheromones. Auxiliary reproductives are bigger than workers or soldiers, but smaller and much paler than kings, so they're really easy to spot! A single auxiliary queen doesn't produce as many eggs as the primary queen, but a nest can end up with quite a lot of them - and if the main queen dies, or a group of auxiliaries ends up cut off from the nest, they can carry on as a colony with just the eggs from those smaller queens.

4. Ants and termites have very different diets.

Ants, like their close relative the wasps, are omnivores. Their diets are usually meat and sugary things, like fruit, honeydew, or even spilled soda. The main exception is leafcutter ants, who farm fungus in order to eat the enzymes the fungus produces.

Meanwhile, termites take after their cockroach cousins by being detrivores. Many kinds of termite eat dead leaves, decaying wood, and other plant waste that could use some insect help in getting broken down. Naturally, this causes problems when humans build houses in termite territory - what you see as a handy building material, they see as one of their favorite foods! Not all termites eat wood directly, though. Many species instead use wood and leaf pulp as a medium to grow their real food, fungus.

5. Ants are one of the primary predators of termites.

Remember how ants are omnivores? Well, for some species of ants, their favorite meat is termites! These ants will send hunting parties into termite nests, where they'll attack anyone they can find and haul the bodies back to feed their colony. They stop well short of destroying the colony, but I can't imagine the termites enjoy this process at all.

So that's some of the big differences between ants and termites. As a fun bonus, here's something they have in common that you might not know about:

If you see a mound, they're underground.

Both ants and termites have species that build nests below ground, with visible mounds on top of the earth that can help you find where they are. While ants' mounds are basically just piles of rubble that they dug up from below, termite mounds are deliberate structures made from pulp - but they're not as full of termites as you might imagine! Only the bottom third will actually be used by the termites, whose colony is liable to extend far into the dirt beneath; the rest of the mound is built to help regulate air for the termites living underneath. (How cool is that, BTW? Termites construct their own air conditioning!)

[weaselle]

Ant Cthulhu

Tumblr ate my story! Goodbye to. just. so many thousands of notes. This was one of my first stories that people on tumblr liked. So I’m making it a new post, so that people can find it. Plus, of all the thousands who read the first one or two installments, not nearly as many discovered that I had written a third and final installment that ends the story, so here is a chance at that. 

The story was inspired by a pair of observations on Tumblr, where users probablybadrpgideas and 20thcenturyvole said, respectively 

“if Cthulhu can be summoned by humans who are so far beneath it, why can’t humans be summoned by ants? The answer is they should be.” and “Well if a bunch of ants formed a circle in my house I’d certainly notice, try to figure out where they’d all come from, and possibly wreak destruction there.“

It gets just a little dark, but any story named for Cthulhu surely must have some death and destruction, right?

ANT CTHULHU

That’s why knowing and correctly pronouncing the true name is so important to the ritual. Imagine how impossible it would be to not go take a look if the circle of ants started chanting your name. And they’re like, you can’t leave because we drew a line made of tiny crystals - now you have to do us a favor. And you’re like, let’s just see where this goes “yup, you got me… what’s the favor?” and usually the favor is like, “kill this one ant for us” or “give me a pile of sugar” and you’re like… okay? and you do, because why not, it isn’t hard for you and boy is this going to be a fucking story to tell, these fucking ants chanting your name and wanting a spoonful of sugar or whatever. And SOMEtimes you get asked for things you can’t really do, one of them, she’s like, “I love this ant but she won’t pay any attention to me, make me important to her” and you’re like… um? how? So you just kill every ant in the colony except the two of them, ta-da! problem solved! and the first ant is like *horrified whisper* “what have I done” …. _____________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile another colony of ants invades your house, and evidently that last ant has gotten some of them to join her in a circle and taught them the ritual because you’re coming out of the bathroom one day and you hear the ants singing your name. Sure enough it’s that ant, but she’s dark and fucked up now, and she’s like, “kill the queen. I will rule this colony” and you’re like, sure, I guess I kinda owe her, and you do it. And she manages to become queen, and they worship you. Which is cool, you’re not, you know, very important in the human world, but to these ants you’re practically all-powerful.

Your beloved Naya doesn’t understand your fascination with the ants at all, but you easily train her to leave them alone. She’s such a good dog. The ants are horrified that you command such a beast.

You begin to realize can’t be just, doing everything a bunch of ants tell you to all the time. When would you watch Netflx? So you tend to only show up for super important ants; you teach them some extra words and when hear them you go see what’s up. Usually. Also though, you’ll show up to just your name, if you’re bored and you hear it. And, sometimes some of the ants are like, tell us more human names, and you’re kind of jealous of the idea of some other human diluting your private godhood, so you refuse. Your roommate Greg is like, yo, that’s fucking awesome, I want ant worshipers! But whenever he approaches any, they run away, because it turns out that the illusion of control from the named summoning is what makes them feel safe around you. That’s great, because Greg is a dick who never does the dishes, and one day you decide to teach Greg a lesson. So you show up at the colony, and you’re like, “yo, witch queen, did you think there would be no price for all these things? Your colony must do something for me, go to the Room of the Housemate, I will meet you there.” And you go sit on the couch and play Overwatch for a while. You’re like, right there, you can clearly see the ants all marching along the wall to Greg’s room, but to them you’re not even there, you’re so far away they can’t see you. It takes them, like, an ant week to make the journey. They have to figure out ways to get over and around things. Some of them drown, or get stepped on by the dog, or whatever. You win a game, you lose a game, you look over, and they’re trying to get through some cobwebs… looks like they’re mostly going to live, you keep playing, you look over, okay they’re all in there, and you stand up and walk over and by the time they’ve chanted your name once, you’re there. “right, hold on” and you look around and you see a twelve-pack of Greg’s precious fucking soda, that he keeps in his room and refuses to ever share, even though it’s a communal food household and you share your hot chocolate with him all the time. So you gather the ants unto you, and you poke a little hole in each of the sodas and you leave the room to the sound of the ants rejoicing. Greg will suspect of course, but he’ll never be able to prove the ants didn’t chew holes in the plastic and steal his stupid drinks.

He actually tries to blame it on Naya. What a prick. You insist with wide eyes that the ants must have found it somehow — maybe he shouldn’t leave soda pop laying around his room. But later, while you’re at work, Greg destroys most of the colony in a rage, and you come home to find the witch queen gasping her last. “The Dew of the Mountain, which you had us steal, was cursed - and so I lay my curse on you” she manages, and then she dies. Well first of all, you don’t really believe in curses, but last month you didn’t believe ants could know your name, so that’s unsettling. And second of all, you feel kind of bad. You know, not SUPER bad, cause she’s like, an ant. But still. And most importantly, third of all, Greg must pay. Like some kind of movie villain, you pet your loving Naya and say out loud “Oh yes, and pay he will.”

But Greg has done more than kill a bunch of the colony. As you wait for eggs and pupae to replenish the ant population, you discover he has found some ants that didn’t go on the Mountain Dew raid, and he’s spared them, told them his name.

He’s made himself a good sized cult in YOUR fucking ant queendom. Greg has started locking his door. So now you NEED the ants. Once again you direct the ants loyal to you to journey to Greg’s room. You meet them at the door. A locked door means nothing to the ants, they don’t even know there is a door, and can barely perceive the difference between it being open and shut - either passing the threshold on the floor regardless, or being on its surface no matter the position. But you need them to get inside. You’re going to put itching powder in his underwear drawer and leave a raw fish under his bed. So you instruct the leading party of ants how to go into the Cave of Keyhole, and position the Magic Megaliths inside just right to enable the opening of the Great Door and allow you to pass into the Realm of Housemate. Crouched by the door, you can hear when your ants are met by a party of Greg Cultists, who insist that if the Great Door is opened, the colony will be doomed. There is fighting. Your ants prevail, the lock tumblers are moved into place, and you swing the door open… To find Greg! In his room all along! It’s a trap! His cultists attack you! I mean, they can’t do much real harm, but it kind of hurts and it’s super annoying. You order your ants to attack him, and they do, but he storms over and pours bleach down the colony entrance.

It’s the end of their world. Now you and Greg are at war, and you both understand the unspoken rules to your fight. You can’t do things directly to each other, why, that would be assault. But anything you can get your ants to do is fine, because “she told the ants to do it to me” isn’t going to get very far with any authority figures that get involved. Later, nursing your anger, you confer with your few remaining ants and stare moodily at your new prize, the ant farm that came in the mail. It will take time to integrate them- your ants have to get access to the new ants’ scent marker chemicals and go undercover. Meanwhile, you’ve got a laptop schematic to go over with your high priestess. It’s finals week, and if you time it right, he’ll lose everything. … You look down into the summoning ritual. The current high priestess, Zé, is an ant of great influence and personality - you quite like her, inso far as a human can be friends with an ant that worships them. You thought the new queen would become the next high priestess, but according to Zé the queens don’t like to come out of the colony after they shed their wings. Plus they are very busy laying eggs and supervising the care of their ant larvae. Zé says it’s a better deal for you, this way your high priestess can have the time and energy to really serve your interests, and wield an authority among the colony that is purely yours - no conflict of interest, and no baby making duties. It’s really just what’s best for both you and the colony queen to have her as high priestess, she informs you, making you laugh at her flattery-wrapped ambition. There’s no laughing this evening though. It’s serious business on the docket tonight. “O wise and ancient entity of power, you grace us with your presence!” and for formality’s sake, she intones the additional ritual greeting from their holy books “You Look Fantastic, Have You Done Something New With Your Hair?” Ants don’t really understand hair. You respond as you have become accustomed “Thank You, Yes.” It’s just easier. They mean well. Mystic greeting complete, Zé and the rest of the dark clergy move straight to business. Several 10s of them line up in formation, creating a diagram of the apartment complex. You had to coach them into how to make it, as far as they are concerned it’s a complex sigil that conveys knowledge to you - for creatures that traverse the building in long journeys along the pipes in the walls and in the spaces between the lower ceiling and upper floor, it looks nothing like the apartment complex as they know it. Zé claims to understand it, but secretly you suspect she’s just mostly cementing her authority among the clergy. She has, usefully, memorized which parts of the sigil correspond with what parts of the building, and that’s good enough for your purposes. “O mighty being, we have done as instructed. Our scouts had to search wide for them, but we have left the corpses of many termites in all the locations you specified, every night this week. “Very good,” you assure them, “and the Greggorites?” “Our spies among them have learned of their next attack. We should be able to influence their timing somewhat.” “Good. And..” your eyes narrow, “the other thing?” “Ah, yes.” Zé’s antennae wave and dip in that way you know means she is uncomfortable. “to the best of our ability to find out, the… Antifreeze initiative was entirely conceived of by the Demon Lord Greg.” “Just Greg,” you tell Zé with bitter hatred as tears threaten to spill down your cheeks. “Greg is not a lord, just a fucking prick who’s going to get what’s coming to him. I swear by all of creation he will.” “Is there…” Zé trailed off and tried again. “O Deity of my heart, far be it from me to question Your Exaltedness, but help your poor servant to understand… your plans have become, ah, they seem perhaps, I am sure I am wrong, but they seem, overly audacious? Your recent change in demeanor has made some of us nervous - not me! - but some of the less devout among my sistren, have become… concerned.” Your fists clench. “I don’t expect you to get it. I’m pretty certain none of you could possibly understand.” Your voice breaks. You clench your teeth. You won’t, you won’t cry in front of your ant worshipers. You lean down and say in the strangled half whisper that is the only way you can force the words past the lump in your throat, “He killed my dog, Zé…” The ants flee the sound of your terrible wailing. The great Finals Erasure had worked to more devastating effect than you had anticipated, and things had… escalated. Then Greg proved himself to be less human than the ants , who themselves had turned out to be such surprising little beings. So. The orders for the heinous deed did in fact come from him. Now, there are things that have to be done. You call the ants back out of hiding and get to work. In the end, it was easier than you thought it would be. You talk to all the neighbors, without Greg. You hide the relevant pieces of mail. You have the scuba gear and the stuff from the sex shop shipped to a friend’s house. You ensure your spies among the Greggorites have escape plans, though Zé assures you they are ready to sacrifice themselves to the cause. “I’m not that kind of Deity,” you tell her. The night before, your ants slip a double dose of tylenol p.m. into Greg’s milkshake. You almost laugh; all your efforts to make sure there is only soup to make for dinner, and he comes home with Burger King. He sleeps so soundly that he never comes close to waking the whole time you are attaching the padded bondage equipment to his limbs and hiding with him in the closet. The walk through by the company inspectors that morning is a tense moment, but as you suspect, they don’t open the closets. After they leave to do their work outside, you finish your work inside, tying Greg to his bed. By the time he starts to wake up, you are sitting in a chair in the doorway to his bedroom, with your mask on. The air is beginning to thicken and discolor. Greg coughs around his ball gag and opens his eyes. You feel curiously calm and empty. “Hi, Greg.” Your voice is muffled, “You like my dive mask?” Greg makes an angry questioning noise, spread eagled to the full extension of his limbs. “Oh, yeah, that must be uncomfortable. Can’t give you enough slack to jerk against the ropes, though, or you might leave tell-tale bruises through the padding.” More angry noises, coughing. “Hhhmm? Oh, did I forget to tell you? It’s termite day, Greg, they’ve tented the house. That’s Sulfuryl Fluoride you’re breathing. You’ll cough for a bit, you’ll throw up, and your heart will stop.” He’s thrashing around as much as the ropes will allow, which isn’t a lot. He’s pretty energetic about it, though; maybe he can’t hear you over his efforts. “You shouldn’t have meddled around with godhood, it didn’t suit you. Power compromised your judgement. You definitely shouldn’t have fucking killed my dog, Greg” You’re suddenly filled with rage. You need to know he hears you. You stride over to the bed and grab him by the throat. Not too hard, you try to remember through your anger, no bruises. The grip is enough to make Greg stop thrashing and look at you with wide wide eyes. “YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE FUCKING KILLED NAYA YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT! WHY? WHY? HOW COULD YOU!? SHE NEVER DID ANYTHING TO YOU!” Just as suddenly, your anger is gone. You feel tired. You look down at him and shake your head.”Time to die, Greg.” You cross the room and sit back down in your chair in the doorway. Watching him die isn’t easy, but it’s not as hard as watching Naya suffer through acute kidney failure. Afterwards, you take off all the bondage gear, throw it in a duffel bag. You leave through the back, rolling out from under the fumigation tent against the back fence, and packing the scuba gear into the duffel before you climb into the neighbors yard. A month later, you’re moving from town to town. The colony has become so large you’re going to need a bigger truck full of clay for them to live in. Maybe an old Uhaul. The ants bring you a newspaper. They bring you everything now, food, money, information. Word of how you value the life of each individual ant has spread through the colony, and reports brought back from the apartment by scouts confirming your status as a godslayer has …elevated… their worship of you. You open the newspaper to find Greg’s death has made the papers. No suspicion of foul play despite the exterminator company lawyers insisting on an autopsy. Tylenol p.m. in his system accounted for his presence in the building, it was decided, and the failure of the inspectors to notice Greg in bed during their walk through was settled out of court, paid off by their insurance. The ants bring you a conga line of grapes, peeling them for you while you stare off into space. A small line of ants brings the peels back to the colony larder. You’re going to have to teach them how to disable cameras - the leaked security footage of hundred dollar bills slipping themselves out under the bank doors has caused a bit of a stir on some parts of the internet… you eat another grape, and count your money. As usual you put half of it in an envelope, uncapping a sharpie to write “From Naya” on it. The ants will slip it under the door of the local animal shelter for you tonight. END

_____________________________________________________________________

so, looking back, I feel I should tell you that when I wrote the final chapter of this I had just become homeless and had to leave my dog in a better home than I could provide. It’s cool, we still see each other a lot these days, I was just real sad about it and it effected what I wrote. Anyway, that’s the Ant Cthulhu story

[writing-of-a-british-bitch]

Blame Me - Chapter 1

Fandom: The Walking Dead

Specified gender: Female

Word Count: 4.3K

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x reader, 

TW: canon typical violence, canon divergence, gore, mention of past major  character death, zombies, a lot of time skips

Genre: Horror ig? 

Series: Blame Me

Requests: CLOSED

Masterlist

A/N: (Y/N) isn’t in this chapter much but she will be soon! This is my first time writing for the walking dead, so I know Daryl is probably out of character. Constructive criticism is always appreciated :) Send me a DM or an ask if you want to be tagged! Enjoy!

When Daryl found out about what they'd done to Merle on that rooftop - left him for dead- he was livid. Merle was no angel, that was for damn sure, but that was still his brother, and they just left him there. And when they got there, and Merle was gone, with nothing left but a hand he'd had to hack off himself? It felt like his world was crashing around him. He couldn't do this. Not again. Then this new sheriff asshole had the nerve to tell him to calm down. Fuck that. He couldn't lose his brother, not him too. But Daryl couldn't seem to catch a break, and suddenly they'd lost half their camp, taken a failed trip to the CDC (that almost cost them their lives - again), and Sophia had gone missing. He was sick and fucking tired of losing people. Maybe that's why he was so hellbent on finding a little girl that wasn't even his. They'd set up a little camp on the edge of some old guy called Hershel's farm, but Daryl didn't want to get too close. He had this awful feeling creeping up his spine, something was gonna go wrong. Someone was gonna die. He couldn't take the blame again. So he stayed away. Set up his own tent, his own fire, Merle's bike parked up against a tree, animals on a line. Just like the old hunting trips he used to take with his brother. Sometimes she'd come, but it wasn't her thing. She'd been keeping him company so far. Even if she wasn't really here. Daryl was so focused on skinning a squirrel that he didn't even hear Carol creeping over. She still had remnants of tears tracked down her face, but they'd been long dried.

"Daryl?" Carol's meek voice broke through the silence, and Daryl looked up briefly a grunt of recognition leaving his throat. She sat down next to him on the log he was perched on "Thank you for everything you've done for Sophia. Her own daddy would have never done the same."

She'd thanked him twice already. He found her doll, not Sophia. As much as he wishes he had. Damn near died for it too, since the throbbing pain in his side liked to remind him

"Only found her doll," He mumbled, glancing over quickly. Carol nodded and gave him a small smile.

"Well, that's just one step closer isn't it?" She replied but she got no response except the famous Dixon stare. He wasn't much of a talker. He was just glad she understood that. They sat there for a few minutes, watching the fire, surrounded by the comfortable silence until Carol looked over to watch as Daryl skinned another squirrel, and a little glimmer on his hand caught her eye. "Hey, what's that?"

"What're you talkin' 'bout?" He huffed out, putting the squirrel to one side, and stabbing the knife into the log beside him, finally giving her the proper response she'd been asking for. Carol reached out and took Daryl's hand, examining it, ignoring the blood on his hands. He'd be surprised if she wasn't used to it by now. But she was right. On his ring finger was a silver band. Just plain and simple. Very Daryl. He snatched his hand back the second he realised what she was talking about. Carol was grinning at him, a tender look in her eyes. God damn that woman for being so observant. Though truly, they'd been in the same group for months and none of them ever noticed, so how observant could she really be? "Shut up."

"You're married?" Carol still had that grin on her face, and though her look was tender, there was a hint of sadness in her eyes. His girl wasn't with him. And while he hadn't fully accepted the fact she could be dead, he had accepted the fact that his chances of ever seeing her again were slim. Especially since it'd been so long.

"Worn ma ring whole time and you ain't never noticed?" Daryl shot back, more defensive than he'd like to have been. He didn't like being snappy with Carol, but, as anyone would have assumed, the topic was a touchy one.

"You and Merle were always off somewhere, or sitting miles away from us. Can't blame me for that," She replied, and to be fair, she wasn't exactly wrong. There was a pregnant pause, where Carol was trying to figure out what she should say. Could he even tell her? He didn't want no pity, but damn, talking about his girl, the memories? Talking to someone who wasn't Merle about her. Maybe it'd be nice. Or maybe not. "What happened to her?"

There was that silence again. The pause weighed heavy on both of them. Daryl took a deep breath and looked over at her. Fuck it. If there was anyone he could tell, anyone he could trust, it was Carol.

"Weren't nothin' bad. Didn't feel it then. Merle and me, we was goin' on 'nother huntin' trip. Ma girl only came sometimes. Weren't her thing. She was goin' to visit her ma, gave me this damn thang," He picked up a battery-powered video recorder from by his foot that Carol hadn't even seen. Yeah, maybe he was wrong about the whole observant thing. The corner of his lips twitched upwards as he opened it. "Said, 'just so you don't forget me'. I told her we'd only be gone two weeks," his fingers fiddled with the buttons, and he grew quiet, clicking onto one of the videos, but not playing yet. "Dead started risin' a week later. The ring and these dumb videos are all I have left right now."

Carol watched him as he talked, seeing the blank expression on his face warp into sadness, as he played with the video recorder, the way his eyes flickered over to his ring every now and again. He didn't think he'd been this vulnerable since he'd last seen his girl.

"She must have been really special to put up with someone like you," She teased, trying to make him a little more comfortable, nudging his shoulder. He smirked, finally looking away from the recorder.

"Yeah, she was," Daryl stated simply, before pressing play on the video.

"The hell you doin', woman?" Daryl's gruff voice sounded from behind the camera, as it spun around to reveal Daryl and a girl, maybe a year younger than him, with (H/C) loose and wild, as she danced around a kitchen. There was loud laughter behind the camera, Merle had been a dick when he found the recorder and kept filming them (he knew Daryl hated it). Lord knows he was thanking that asshole for filming it now. Merle said something in his southern drawl that Carol couldn't quite understand, but by the scowl that appeared on Daryl's face in the video, he clearly heard it. The girl beside him let out a chuckle and suddenly launched at Daryl, clinging to his arm as she bounced on her toes. Daryl lowered his glare to her, but Carol saw his eyes soften slightly. Merle spun the camera around to face him and made some raucous comment about christening the new house while he was away before the camera spun back around. It ended a second later, with Daryl swearing at Merle and using his hand to block the camera, and the girl let out a loud laugh.

Carol was smiling at the camera until she looked over at Daryl and saw a hardened look on his face. Damn those emotions of his.

"What was her name?" She whispered, scared if she spoke too loud, he'd crack.

"(Y/N)" were Daryl's final words, before he picked up the recorder, crossbow, his knife and his half skinned squirrel and moved into his tent, zipping it behind it.

His girl always knew what to do. Knew how to help. She was a leader, even if she liked to deny it. She'd know exactly what to do. Shane was a damn idiot, and Daryl knew she would have dealt with him already, rather than fucking about as Rick had. When Shane threw the barn doors open, letting all them damn walkers out, despite the whole groups' protests, he knew right there that his girl would have dealt with him. And when Sophia came trailing out, pale and cold, white-eyed, dirty with a bloody chunk missing from her shoulder, she would have known exactly what to do. But instead, he was the one catching Carol and watching as Rick put a bullet between her eyes. Daryl's girl would have known exactly what to do. But she wasn't there. As much as he wished she was. He was the one who comforted Carol and tried to help. But, equally, he was also the one who threw blame in her face and screamed at her. She didn't deserve that. No way in hell. But, he didn't know what to do. His girl would've.

"There ain't nothing out here but mosquitoes and ants," They'd only left Rick, Glenn and Maggie two hours ago, but Daryl was already starting to question his decision. He forgot how much his brother liked to run his mouth, and his hunger didn't help calm the situation much either.

"Patience, little brother. Sooner or later, a squirrel is bound to scurry across your path," Merle responded, stood over by the tree to have a piss.

"Even so, that ain't much food," Daryl kept his eyes trained on his surroundings. There'd been more than a few walkers sneaking up on them recently, and he was starting to get paranoid that it was the beginning of a herd.

"More than nothing," That asshole really have to choose now to go all quiet? All his damn brother did was talk.

"I'd have better luck going through one of them houses we passed back on the turnoff," Daryl observed, looking over in the direction of the turnoff as Merle zipped himself up and walked over. He had that shit-eating, condescending look on his face. Great.

"Is that what your new friends taught you? Hmm? How to loot for booty? You gotten real quiet since y'all left me on that dead infested rooftop in Atlanta. Them prison pussies soften you up?" Merle teased, looking over at his little brother with an amused look in his eyes. Daryl just snarled slightly, looking back in the direction of the street. "Oh, cmon now, can't be givin' ol' Merle the cold shoulder after all the shit we just went through."

"Man, fuck off," Daryl hissed back, glaring up at his brother. His side was throbbing with what he suspected was a broken rib, or at the very least bruised, after Merle's kicking and punching back in the arena. Merle narrowed his eyes in response, walking over and giving Daryl a light shove.

"What? Ya forget about how I took care of ya? Now ya spent some time with Officer Friendly and you're suddenly too good for ya brother?" He snapped, raising his eyebrows. Daryl huffed and straightened his back.

"Just lay off, Merle. There are walkers crawlin' 'round and ya runnin' ya mouth like a damn fool," he shot back, making a point to keep his voice low. Merle only let out one of his loud raucous laughs, causing Daryl to advance quickly.

"Easy, little brother. Ya lookin' like ya might pop a vein if ya keep gettin' pissed like that," Daryl didn't say anything, just stared back at him, the famous Dixon glare returning. "It's the Dixon's back together again, ain't it a good thang?"

"Not all the Dixons," The younger Dixon grumbled, pulling his crossbow up as a familiar growling filled the air, and a walker stumbled out from behind a tree. A quick pull of the trigger and the damn thing was on the floor, bolt between his eyes. Merle watched him for a second, watched the flash of anger and sadness in his eyes.

"Ya ever find 'er?" He asked quietly, as his brother walked over and pulled the bolt from the fuckers head. Daryl glanced up at him, holding his gaze for a minute before starting to walk again.

"Man, we've been at it for hours. Why don't we find a stream, try to look for some fish?"

"I think you're just trying to lead me back to the road, man. Get me over to that prison," Merle scoffed. Damn it. He knew his brother'd put up a fight but he didn't think he'd pick it up so quickly. Then again, his brother was an idiot, but he wasn't stupid.

"They got shelter. Food. A pot to piss in. Might not be a bad idea," Yeah, and the rest of his family. And his video recorder.

"If ya gonna try and lead me back to that prison, you could at least answer my damn question, baby brother," Merle stated, noticing how Daryl's shoulders tensed slightly. There was silence, apart from the occasional rustling of trees, which made the brothers look around, never letting their guard down despite the conversation.

"Naw. She was up in South Carolina before these bastards starting comin'. Knew I weren't gonna find her here. Doubt she came back," Was his response, but apparently, that was enough for Merle. For now at least.

"C'mon let's go hook some fish," And with that Merle was steaming ahead, leaving Daryl in place. He let out a sigh and spat on the ground before trailing after the elder Dixon.

But of course, they had to save someone else's asses, nearly getting themselves killed in the process. And of course, Merle wanted to rob this poor family. They had a baby for Christ's sake! "The shit you doing, pointing that thing at me?" Merle raged, once they got a good distance from the group they'd just rescued.

"They were scared, man," Daryl reasoned, narrowing his eyes for what felt like the millionth time.

"They were rude is what they were. Rude and they owed us a token of gratitude," God, if his girl were here, she would have knocked his teeth out by now. She loved Merle and cared about him, but they clashed heads more than he and Daryl did. And damn that was a high number.

"They didn't owe us nothing," he shot back, looking back in that direction, even though the red car the group had been in were long gone

"You helpin' people out of the goodness of your heart? Even though you might die doing it? Is that something your Sheriff Rick taught you?" Merle said with a cold laugh, interrupted halfway through with Daryl's comment of "There was a baby!". Merle couldn't help but think that his brother had gone soft. "Oh, otherwise you would have just left them to the biters, then"

"Man, I went back for you. You weren't there. I didn't cut off your hand, neither. You did that. Way before they locked you up on that roof. You asked for it!"

"You know-- you know what's funny to me? You and Sheriff Rick are like this now. Right?" Merle crossed his fingers in front of Daryl's face, only aggravating the hunter further. " I bet you a penny and a fiddle of gold that you never told him that we were planning on robbing that camp blind. I told you that that woman had made you soft. Hell, ya got married just ta make her happy. Dixons don't need no one but each other!"

"Ya leave ma girl out of this, ya hear? Besides, it didn't happen," Daryl growled, voice dangerously low to the point that even Merle knew he truly should drop his sister-in-law out of the discussion.

"Yeah, it didn't 'cause I wasn't there to help you."

"What, like when we were kids, huh? Who left who then?" Daryl hadn't really meant to say it. He hadn't. But once it was out, the air set on fire, and both brothers were seeing red.

"What? Huh? Is that why I lost my hand?"Merle retaliated, pointing and getting right into Daryl's face, knowing how much it got under his skin.

"You lost your hand 'cause you're a simpleminded piece of shit!" Daryl turned his back, moving to pick up his backpack from the floor when Merle lunged forward, gripping the fabric off his shoulders.

"Yeah? You don't know-!" A sharp tug, and a loud rip and Merle's words caught in his throat. Silence filled the air, as the raised and discoloured markings down Daryl's back presented themselves to the world. Some of them were from hunts, or from accidents in the apocalypse, but some, Merle recognised them too damn well from his own time spent with their daddy. Once Daryl had fully clocked what had just happened, he pulled the shirt back up as much as he could and slung his bag over the top. That was it. He'd had enough. " I- I didn't know he was-"

"Yeah, he did. He did the same to you. That's why ya left first," Daryl answered sharply, not turning back to look at him. Merle just shook his head.

"I had to, man. I would have killed him otherwise," Daryl only chuckled humourlessly, and set off in the opposite direction, only turning back when Merle added, "Where you going?"

"Back where I belong," Was Daryl's reply, not even noticing he'd started to spin his ring with his thumb at his side. Old habits.

"I can't go with you. I tried to kill that black bitch. Damn near killed the Chinese kid," Merle tried to reason, but Daryl could only scoff in response. Classic Merle.

"He's Korean," He stated simply.

"Whatever. Doesn't matter, man. I just can't go with you, "Merle pulled a face, and for a split second, Daryl felt guilty. But he was an asshole. If he decided to come, then so be it, but if he decided to stay behind, good riddance.

"You know, I may be the one walking away... but you're the one that's leaving- again."

"What's goin' on that brain baby brother?" Merle asked, leaning in the doorway to the cellblock, slightly alarmed to be sat quietly at the top of the stairway, where his sleeping bag was, spaced out. Normally, he'd be pacing or cleaning that stupid crossbow for the thousandth time. But no, he was dead still. Dead quiet. The others were out and about. Most of them were in the yard, clearing out the walkers that Axel had stupidly let in when he opened the gate. Michonne, Rick and Carl had gone out on a run to their home town for weapons against the governor fucker. And Daryl, Merle and Little Asskicker (who Daryl had found out had been named Judith, but Little Asskicker seemed more appropriate) had been left alone in the cellblock. Rick trusted Daryl enough to keep her safe from Merle.

"Ya really think she made me soft?" Daryl pondered out loud, holding Little Asskicker close to him, as he started rocking her slightly. Merle laughed, waving his metal attachment around dramatically.

"This place's 'bout to go crashin' to the ground, and you're thinkin' about your lady?"Merle wasn't a man of affection, Daryl knew that pretty well, but he also knew when he was deflecting. Merle talked about (Y/N) sure, but only briefly. Since the brothers and his girl got separated in the beginning, they both steered clear of long conversations about her. Daryl just stared Merle down, until he let out a huff, and took a few slow steps into the cellblock. "She made ya soft, ain't gonna lie ta ya. Even you can't deny that, little brother. Never said it was an entirely bad thing."

"She made me better. Never really know what she saw in me, but whatever it was, I'm glad she did," Daryl's lips twitched upwards, as he looked down at Little Asskicker. His girl would love her. She'd love Carl too. Hell, she would love everyone. She would've kept things calm.

"Look, I'm an old redneck asshole, but that girl o' yours is the best damn thing that ever happened to ya. Ya ever find her again, you don't let her go, hear me?" He didn't miss the commanding tone in Merle's voice and part of him wanted to laugh at it. Been a long time since he'd heard that tone. Daryl just nodded. "Ya still got that video recorder witcha?"

Daryl nodded, before jerking his head towards the little pile of stuff besides his sleeping bag. Merle climbed past him, careful not to knock the baby, and picked it up. He sat next to his brother, and for a second it was awkward. They hadn't been this close in years. Not like this. But when Merle opened up the camera and clicked on one of the videos, the awkwardness dissipated.

It took a second for the camera to come into focus, as the blazing Georgia sun reflected off the lens. Once it came into focus, Merle was once again filming the couple. Daryl and (Y/N) were stood in a little lake and both of them were just washing dirt and dried animal blood from their arms and legs, chatting too quietly for the camera to pick up. Merle mumbled something behind the camera about "being too fuckin' absorbed in their own world", when suddenly a laughter-filled scream tore through the peace, as Daryl sent a massive splash in (Y/N)'s direction. She was giggling but giving him a playful glare, the famous Dixon glare. He let out a loud laugh as she tried to push him into the water with little success, until he stepped back and lost his footing, pulling them both under the water. The camera shook as Merle let out a roar of a laugh, stumbling forward towards the water, as the pair came up, both sat on their asses in the shallow water. (Y/N) looked over to Merle, beaming with that smile that made Daryl's heartache, but flipped him the bird when she realised he was filming, shouting "asshole" at him. Daryl just chuckled and pulled her into him, no longer giving a shit about the camera, and kissed her, which they were both smiling into. Merle then said something childish like "horny kids" or something before the video ended, with Daryl and (Y/N)'s foreheads pressed together.

"She's something special ain't she?" Daryl said, through a voice that was thicker than he wished it to be, looking down at Little Asskicker with a sad smile.

"Hell yeah, she was."

Daryl didn't know how much more he could take. The prison had fallen, and they'd taken Beth. He swore he'd protect her. Swore to himself, swore to the memory of Hershel, swore to Maggie. And he still lost her. And when the group of assholes found him sat in the middle of the street, practically walker bait, he was starting to get desperate. He'd do almost anything at this point, he was so lost. His brother was gone now too. He couldn't even rely on that asshole. The one and only thing he'd been able to grab to remember his family was that fucking video recorder. But he'd found Rick, Carl, Michonne. And while he wished he could've found everyone, he was more than happy to have found the kid most of all. Though, he couldn't deny the anguish that filled him when he saw no sign of Little Asskicker and a sombre look on their faces when he asked I think it was safe to say that Rick was going off the deep end again. The man ripped a guys jugular out with his fucking teeth! After everything, Daryl honestly couldn't blame him, but last time Carl nearly lost who he was because of it. That couldn't happen again. Despite it all, they kept walking, and walking and walking, along the train tracks to this place Terminus. 'Sanctuary for all'. Somehow he found that hard to believe. But maybe he would be surprised. Maybe it would be a sanctuary. Maybe they could take a break for once. Yeah. As far as Daryl was concerned, it wasn't damn likely.

TAGS: OPEN

Tags (for this series):

Tags(Daryl Dixon):

[peninkwrites]

love is violence - ch 4 of ?

Ponk loses again. Maybe that's a good thing, but they're tired of losing parts of themself.

(TW: eldritch horror, things under people's skin, Egg arc stuff. It gets gore-y!)

crossposted to ao3

Ch 1

Ch 2

Ch 3

Ch 5

~

Narrow winding tunnels close in and Ponk can still hear the distant barking of snarling dogs left to pursue them.  The vines fade out, and so does the presence in the back of their mind.  They can only focus on Bad in front of them, running ahead, weaving through tunnels, trying to lose whatever pursuers remain.  Ponk is breathless, gasping and panicked and as Bad disappears they feel a moment of coldblooded terror, then they can see the sky again.

The tunnel lets out away enough from the spider farm that they can no longer see it, Bad is gasping, just as breathless as they are, Hannah not far behind, with her sword still at the ready if anyone should follow.

“W-What the hell?!” Ponk asks the moment they have enough air to speak.

“We– We need to separate, lie low,” Bad looks to each of them.  Then he looks for Ant.  He winces.

“No– Bad, what was that?!” They get in his face, their one hand grabbing on to the collar of his shirt.  “Y-You told me we were gonna try and get them to help the Egg too, you never said anything about killing people!”

“That’s all they have left to do to help!” Bad snarls.  “I thought you knew we invited Sam for a reason.  And you weren’t exactly pressed about the idea when you had a sword on Eret!”

Ponk has no retort.  That pressure, that weight of the Egg is no longer as blinding.  The vines growing out of their left arm seem passive, dormant.  It still moves at their command, but even this close to the Egg, it’s sluggish, wary.  Why had they gone along with it?

“Have your little cat fight later,” Hannah reminds them of their priorities.  “I don’t exactly feel like trying to fight Technoblade tonight.”  She looks at Bad for a moment, giving him one more chance to piece together a plan.  He says nothing.

“Good luck,” with a sharp nod, Hannah leaves them, running off into the dark in the opposite direction of her home.

Bad and Ponk stare at each other for another moment, Bad’s grey eyes piercing Ponk’s brown ones.  Maybe they’re not brown anymore.  They’re tainted with red.  Ponk leaves first.  Turning and taking off at a sprint in the direction of Niki’s secret city.  They surely won’t be welcome there anymore, but it’s the only direction they can think of.

They’re still holding a sword.

Ponk has made it to the flower forests outside the city, and they look down and stare at that sword.  They’d picked it up so easily.  They hadn’t brought it down on anyone, but they’d been a part of it as much as any of them.  A hand made of blood holding tight to Eret’s arm, dragging him forward, his resistance weak and shocked but Ponk didn’t stop.  That they could pin on the Egg.

Spewing that biting comment about trust, though.  That was all them.  That they could not bury.  They had jabbed at Eret for his legacy as a traitor, it rings hollow knowing what they are now complicit in as well.

Ponk stops running, leaning against a tree and gasping for breath, chest heaving, not just from the running but from sheer panic too.  Everyone left who had helped them, and they had threatened them all.

Oh god– Niki.

She wasn’t there as a mere witness, she was on the list as much as any of the other guests.  Would they have led her up to the chopping block too?

Except Niki didn’t die.  Niki made it out.

Instead a face radiant and golden somehow pales with fear, firm words deteriorate into confused panic.  Ponk is told to let Eret go.

His last words not cold or harsh or any demand for justice, Foolish just smiles at his dad, and promises her,

“It’s okay.  It’s okay.”

Even as Ant forces him to his knees, even as he raises a blade, even as it comes down on Foolish’s neck and Puffy screams–

He’s not fighting back.  He’s on his knees because he believed he could save us.  He believed that we were not too far gone.  That we wouldn’t go that far.  Foolish is on the ground and he’s smiling and then there’s golden inchor pooled over the altar and Foolish’s body is gone but that blood shines in the harsh light and you can’t move even as Puffy screams–

Then they were running.  Now they’re here.

Ponk struggles to stay grounded, the clearing illuminated by moonlight and the heady scent of the flowers makes their head spin.

They push onward.  They do not return to the city.  They stumble into the first cave they find, breathing still labored.  This horror is so unyielding.

They see him.  Over and over and over again, they see Foolish smiling even as the sword cuts down on his neck.

It’s okay.  It’s okay.

Ponk throws the sword across the cave, wincing as it clatters against rough stone, they bite down on their knuckles, stifling a sob.

Foolish who trusted them, Foolish who was kind.  Who came to the Banquet with hopes for peace and even when it turned towards blood, Foolish held nothing against them.  Foolish aimed to destroy the Egg and the Egg alone.  The surprise when there is no lightning, Ponk has never seen fear in his eyes.  Not like that.

It’s okay.  It’s okay.

Ideally, they will never leave this cave again.  No more experiencing harm or witnessing it.  They can leave their relationships scattered and broken and stay here in the cool dark.  It’s a coward’s plan.

They care enough about Foolish to be brave.

Maybe a part of it is defiance.  Sam is the best coward they know, and Ponk is never going to be like him again.

Or maybe their first destination is a mistake.

They have nowhere else to go.

Fear feels like an understatement.  It’s been days.  They know for a fact Sam is in the prison and Quackity in Las Nevadas.  No one should be there.  No one except the one who caused this most recent bout of bloodshed.  The one who had given them a precious gift.  The one who had killed Foolish, or rather gotten him killed.  Ponk hadn’t seen Antfrost yet, but they weren’t exactly inclined to pity him.  Care for him, yes, they would always care for him, but Puffy…

They understood her.  In some bitter way they weren’t inclined to agree with, but nonetheless.  Getting even, justice, revenge, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a life for a life.  That wasn’t Ponk’s nature.  At least they hoped it wasn’t.  Although, nature doesn’t give much hope.  They could argue nature stated that Sam wouldn’t hurt someone he loved.

The alternative is admitting he didn’t– maybe never– love them.

At least this new monster never gave them such an illusion.

The vines are still there, innocent and passive, as they leave the spider farm and travel deeper into the tunnels.  Their right hand is balled into a tight fist at their side, their left hangs limp and unmoving.  Ponk doesn’t know what they’ll find here.  They’re not sure if they care.  Someone has to pay, and how can they turn this rage on Bad?  On Ant, on Hannah?

No, this particular dread has one source, roots spread far and deep.

The Egg is no longer visible.  That is why even as they enter the main chamber they cannot hear its voice.  A layer of obsidian keeps it smothered and contained, but once Ponk is beside it, that voice returns, soft but no less ancient, no less violent.

Healer.  You fail me and have the courage to return.  My curiosity is why you are still alive.  Why have you come?

If Ponk didn’t know any better, they’d say the Egg sounded bitter, gloomy and rueful like a child looking for attention.

“Thought it’d be obvious,” Ponk speaks loudly, unsure if the Egg can hear them through the rock, just as much as they want to sound stronger.  “Why did you do this?”

This?

“You know what- the Red Banquet, I was there, I went along with it, no one said anything about killing anyone!” Ponk wishes there was only anger, not this guilt, not this grief, not this shame.

You promised to feed me, Healer.  You are naive to regret the orchard where I pick my fruits.

Ponk shivers.  The room is still warm, the air feels less thick.  The heat radiates from the floor, not from the air itself.  The Egg doesn’t hold every part of the cavern in its grasp, not anymore.  The sound of patches of lava still bubbling sets their teeth on edge.

“I didn’t know what I signed up for!  What was I- Why did you-  You know it was wrong!  Otherwise you would’ve told me from the beginning!” Ponk knows their excuse is feeble.  But it’s not like they can tear apart this monster with some shears, angry words were all they had.

Your comrades didn’t tell you.  They made that choice, not me.  Do you not see I gave you an opportunity, doctor?  I gave you the Warden and the means to destroy him.  He was at your mercy.  You did not strike him down.  You scorned my gift.

“Maybe I don’t want your stupid gift!” Ponk feels bitter loathing rise up.  This thing didn’t get to threaten Sam.  It didn’t get to imply that they would hurt him, that they were no better than the Warden or whatever it was he had become.  “You’re sick!  And I won’t have any part of this, not anymore, do you hear me?!”  Ponk cannot reach the Egg itself, only offer a haphazard kick at the vines trailing along the floor.

Tread carefully, doctor.  This is not a betrayal you can easily take back.

There’s more than judgement in that rasping voice, there is unease, there is fury.  The heat in the room thickens.  Ponk thinks of burning.

“I am treading carefully!  And I know you’re just gonna hurt more people!  I don’t want this.  Have fun rotting down here!” Ponk feels their point has been made, and they’re growing more jumpy, like their exit is growing narrower as the Egg’s rage grows and festers.  They’ll leave this monster behind.  They have more important things to worry about now.

They turn to leave, but something tugs at their left side.

Cold dread.

They look down.

The red vines that made up their left arm has an iron grip on one of the thicker vines coming from the ceiling.

You have every right to leave, doctor.  You owe me something first.

Before Ponk can make a sharp retort, their left arm lunges for their throat, squeezing tighter.  They can’t breathe, they have no control as it holds tighter, enough to break something, vines should never be so strong.  They can’t– They need it out, they need to get it out–

Ponk does not have shears.

They do have a sword.

They are the one to cut off their arm a second time.  It’s hard to get a grip, but they slice the vines through the middle, each one springing back.  The tension lifts the moment they cut through them all.  Ponk takes desperate gulps of air as the vines wrapped around their throat lose the attachment to their host.

It gets worse.

No longer with the length to reach Ponk’s throat, the vines have turned around, burrowing deeper under their skin, they manage a hoarse scream, clawing at them with their right arm, tearing the vines from under their skin with horrified terror.  It’s a grotesque sight, long strands ripping out from under their skin, fighting them all the while, a dozen snakes, writhing and boiling with hatred.  Ponk digs into open wounds, the agony blending together with the vines themselves, they grab at whatever moves and pull, not caring what skin tears with it.

The feeling of something crawling underneath their skin finally fades, the pain does not.  The remains of their left arm yet again a bloodied wound, lines torn through skin like a loose thread from a sweater.  Ponk gags, still struggling to breathe.

The Egg does not speak again.

If the Egg hadn’t been weakened, Ponk realizes with a softer sort of horror, it would’ve strangled them easily.  Worse– as they look at that layer of stone, the Egg silent and the other vines unmoving, they realize the Egg is only weakened because Sam covered it in obsidian.  They don’t want any mercy from Sam.  Never again.

Ponk flees, a tightening sense of grief in their chest.  They had wanted belonging, people to trust, and all they have received is more blood, looking down at this new wound, it’s like they’ve lost hope all over again.  Ponk has nowhere to go.  The last place they had felt safe was Niki’s city.  They can’t go back there.  Not yet, they can’t do that to her.  Although, maybe meeting her on her terms might be better.

You whisper to Nihachu: Niki, can I talk to you?  I will come to your city if you want.

You whisper to Nihachu:  It’s ok if you don’t want to.

It takes time.  They know Niki is active on the server, they see her name, but she doesn’t reply at first, an hour passes.

Nihachu whispers to you: you can come to the city.  Don’t wear armor.  I will meet you outside.

Fair conditions.  Better than they deserve.

Ponk paces outside, waiting.  They don’t like feeling defenseless, but they weren’t much for armor anyway.  They still jump at Niki’s arrival.

Niki has her armor on, she has a sword in hand and for a moment Ponk is filled with cold panic.  This was a mistake.  You trust her so she’s going to kill you.

They stumble back, their one hand raised to try and keep her away.

You should hope she only kills you.

“Whoa, whoa, please don’t, I– I’ll leave,” Ponk is considering booking it back out of here, but Niki’s cool distrust turns sharply to concern.  She puts away her sword.

“I wasn’t going to attack you, Ponk,” she folds her arms over her chest, like she’s remembered to be wary.  “I think I have more reason to think you’ll attack me instead.”

“No, that’s not–” Ponk calms, trying to reorder their thoughts.  “That’s not why I’m here at all.  I came here to apologize.”

Niki narrows her eyes at them.  “You are?”

“Yes, Niki, I am.  I know that I… I don’t deserve your forgiveness, and I wish I could explain, but…” Ponk shrugs.  It’s all they have to give.

Niki stares at them.  More specifically, at the bloody bandage around the remains of their left arm.  Ponk turns, wishing they could hide that side of their body behind a tree or something. They're just grateful their mask and hoodie cover the bruises on their neck.

“Was it the Egg?” Niki asks.  She looks them in the eye again.

“Yes,” Ponk puts a hand over the bandages, feeling vulnerable.  “I mean, it didn’t take the arm away.  I did that myself.”

Niki nods, until the full meaning of their words catch up to her.  She shudders.  “Oh.  Why would…”  She looks less skeptical now, more curious.

“I didn’t know, okay?  I didn’t know that they were planning– that we were going to– no one was supposed to die, okay?  And when it came to that, it was like, it was already too late, you know?  My head was too fogged up to stop it.  Or maybe it wasn’t, it’s all mixed up now it’s hard to tell.  The vines, Niki, they dig in, it’s like this pressure in the back of your head and then you can’t ignore it anymore,” they wince, the wound on their left arm twinges painfully.  Ponk isn’t trying to make excuses, but it’s the truth.  Best they understand it at least.

Niki looks so tired, like she doesn’t have the anger left in her for them.  “Why’d you let it in, Ponk?”  It’s like she already knows the answer, or she knows the answer won’t make a difference, but she has to ask.

Ponk isn’t sure if they have an answer.  Not one that feels worth anything.

“What else was I supposed to do?” Ponk hates feeling helpless, but that’s where they are again.  With nothing, no power, no control, and no one left they can trust.  This time it’s more their fault than someone else’s.

Niki sighs, staring at the ground between them.  “You can stay.”

“What?” Ponk’s eyebrows furrow, genuine confusion now.

“You can stay, Ponk,” Niki repeats it, slow and steady.  “Part of why I even went was because I knew… all of you weren’t quite right.  I don’t know if that means you’re free of blame, but I know you, Ponk.  I know you enough, at least.  And that wasn’t you.”

Ponk is relieved in a way they hadn’t known was an option.  They had hoped for forgiveness, they hadn’t expected it, and they definitely hadn’t thought that invitation was still a possibility.

“Thank you, Niki.  Really, thank you,” they laugh.  “I didn’t think– That wasn’t why I was here, just so you know, I didn’t think you’d want me to live here after all that.”

Niki shrugs, weary and almost endeared.  “My city is for people who need help.  When I made it I said it was for everyone and I meant everyone, so.  I know you’re not going to hurt anyone here.  I trust you, Ponk.  Whatever happened that night, maybe I shouldn’t trust you, but when you say you felt out of control?  I’d believe that before I’d believe you’d execute someone.”

Ponk feels a pang of guilt.  It did feel all strange and distorted in their mind, what was their will and what wasn’t, not enough to feel free of blame, but also not enough to feel like they’d been in full control of their actions then.  They were tired of feeling like they didn’t belong to themself.  First their arm taken by Sam, then the rest of them taken by the Egg.

“I thought… I thought we were trying to get you to join the Egg, like a… a sales pitch, you know?” Ponk offers feebly.

Niki raises an eyebrow at them.  “That’s better?  A multilevel marketing scheme?”

Ponk laughs weakly.  “Well, better than feeding you all to a giant parasite.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” Niki smiles.  She looks down to their left side again, growing sympathetic and somber.  “I’m sorry about your arm, Ponk.  Again.”

Ponk shrugs, “eh, it’s fine.  I got to do it myself this time, so.  Yay... ha.”  They grimace.

Niki winces on their behalf.  “Wait here just a second, or you could follow me down,” she turns and heads off back into her city, Ponk following.

They wait uncertainly outside her storage room while she searches for something.

“Got it!” She climbs down, looking proud of herself.  She holds something with a familiar pattern.  A wooden arm covered in cloth to match their mask.  “You can use this now!  Well, maybe after you heal a little more so it doesn’t hurt you, but here.”

Ponk knows their eyes are watering, swallowing thickly.  They clear their throat, trying to ward off tears enough to speak.  Ponk can’t break down over a little kindness.  A little.  It’s more than that.  It’s so much more and Ponk can’t find the words to tell Niki how much.

“Can I hug you, Niki?” Ponk manages that.

Niki melts into fondness.  “Yeah, yeah of course you can.”

They pull her in close, hoping they can show some modicum of what this means in how tightly they’re holding onto her.  “Thank you, Niki.”

She hugs back, steady and strong.  “I know you’re a good person, Ponk.  I’m sorry that it’s been so hard for you to stay that way.”

“Yeah,” they sigh, like somehow that can remove the weight of grief and hurt from their chest.  “Me too.”  They can’t stay in this misery, not when Niki is still kind.  “I’m glad I have you as a friend.”

“Aw, Ponk,” Niki pulls away first, cupping their cheek.  “I’m lucky to have you.”  She laughs  “Murder attempts aside, you’re a really good friend to have.”

“I’m gonna make it up to you, okay?  I promise,” Ponk hasn’t felt very lucky.  Not for a long time, but this is so much more than they had hoped for.

Foolish is next.  If anyone has been hurt by this, if anyone has lost something, it’s him.  Ponk needs to atone, if not for Foolish, for their own sake of mind.  They won’t be able to move on otherwise.

[boxboysandotherwhump]

Ready or not, here they come!

Taglist: @salamancialilypad @whumpfigure @albino-whumpee @comfy-whumpee @ashintheairlikesnow @haro-whumps @vickytokio @yet-another-heathen @orchidscript @finder-of-rings

Chapter 11

The polished surface of Kaida‘s prosthetic fist shimmered silver in the early morning sun, suspended mere centimeters from Gideon‘s face. A bead of sweat trickled down Gideon‘s cheekbone as he froze in his halfhearted attempt to block her punch. His eyes were fixed on the entrance gate to their training field instead of her, and Kaida‘s expression crumbled into a disappointed pout.

“Forgot your reflexes in bed today?“ She dropped her fist and shook her head in disbelief. Wisps of black hair stuck to her sweaty forehead. “C‘mon Gideon, what‘s up with you this week?��

Gideon didn‘t respond. He was too focused on the tuft of brown hair that appeared on the top of the staircase, where everyone who wished to enter the academy grounds had to ascend. The giant gate framing the entrance dwarfed Sahar as he lingered next to one of its red painted wooden pillars, unsure if he should cross the threshold onto the training field. His large eyes scouted the area, hopping over their teacher and the other students, most of them already in the midst of exchanging punches or jabbing the air with their spears, until they found Gideon.

Sahar‘s lips played around a hesitant smile as he mouthed a silent hello, while his fingers tapped a symphony of nerves over his pant leg. Gideon watched their gentle movement, the contrast of soft olive brown skin brushing over black linen. There was no trace of Sahar‘s mutation to be found. The only hint of what had happened in the woods was the flash of white bandages that poked out from under his shirt sleeve.

Kaida‘s eyebrows raised in surprise as she followed Gideon‘s gaze. “Isn‘t that the farm-boy? What was his name again?“

“Sahar,“ Gideon breathed, disbelief prickling down his legs like an agitated ant swarm. He stomped past his classmates, dodging still sheathed spear heads and ignoring Kaida‘s exasperated protest. What the hell was Sahar thinking, coming here during training hours? If a stray spear jab or accidental punch hit his still wounded arm hard enough to make him mutate again, all the secrecy and sacrifice would have been for nothing.

“The hell are you doing here?“ The words came out harsher than intended, and Gideon winced at the sharpness of his own tongue.

Sahar‘s tentative smile fell and his green eyes grew impossibly larger but held Gideon‘s gaze with an almost defiant kind of determination. “A a a a applying. As, as a scout.“

“You- Have you lost your mind?“

“You didn‘t strike me as someone scared of competition.“

Both boys jumped at the familiar voice sparkling with teasing self-assurance. Gideon‘s heart plummeted somewhere to his knees.

Sahar‘s smile returned ten fold. All sparkling sincerity.

“Charlotte.“

A gust of morning breeze chilled Gideon‘s sweat damp skin as he faced Charlotte fully. Some of his classmates had stopped their warm-ups, curiosity written large across their faces while they turned to them. Even the teacher glanced over as he placed the wooden basket with slingshots and practice ammunition next to the target posts he had been setting up.

“I‘m no snitch. Didn‘t tell anything to anyone-“ Gideon hissed, whisper silent.

“Calm down.“ Charlotte chuckled, blue eyes glittering amused. “I‘m here to enroll as a student myself.“

He bristled. “What?“

Gideon‘s jaw tightened, thoughts working a mile a minute, as he tried to see through her intention. There was no way she would enlist just to make sure he kept his mouth shut. “The semester has just begun. You guys know that, right? Next registration is five months from now.“

Charlotte's lips twitched around a wry grin. “He who doesn‘t fight has already lost. But-“ White teeth nipped at pink lips and left small indentations in the wake of her uncertainty. “Sahar are you sure you want to do this? If you get hurt and-“ Blue eyes wandered to his right arm, lingered, flitted back up to his face. “...-the entire village could find out.“

“I- I I I-“ Sahar inhaled deeply, fingers fisting in the fabric of his shorts. “I‘m tired of hiding. You just, just said it. He who doesn‘t fight- I don‘t want to to to to lose the life I could have because I, I‘m,- because I‘m too scared to to to to go and live it.“

Determination burned under Sahar‘s gentleness, like fire hidden in a tree-trunk, simmering just underneath the surface. Gideon‘s heart hammered against his ribs. He felt hot, burned under the same determined gaze his brother had worn on the day of his death. The shadow of a ghost flickering to life in someone else‘s eyes.

The long sleeves of Sahar‘s moss green shirt covered the scar the spider's tooth must have carved deep inside his flesh, and Gideon‘s stomach flipped at the memory. It had taken forever to wash Sahar‘s blood from his skin, out of his clothes.Warm crimson red was still smeared on the inner walls of his head like a cave painting, illustrating his own future in violent shades of doubt and hope.

“Who do you think you are?“ Dillan‘s sharp voice cut through the breeze and Gideon’s thoughts snapped back like a rubber band. Dillan‘s pale blue eyes narrowed as he marched across the training ground, blond hair flopping over his wide forehead and narrow shoulders squared. “Wanting to apply in the middle of term? There are rules here!“

“Who do we think we are?“ Charlotte‘s lips curled. “Let me shoot that question right back at you-“ Cold blue eyes dropped to the red stripes embroidered to the sleeves of every first year‘s uniform. “Neophyte.“

Dillan reminded Gideon of a particularly offended fish with his wide watery eyes and small mouth, opening and closing to gulp in air.

Sahar glanced at Charlotte, full of disbelief as he said exactly what Gideon was thinking. “Cha, Charlotte we, we, we aren‘t even students-“

“But-“ she cut him off, voice gentling a fraction, before her tone sharpened once more. “We grew up here. This village is our home and we nearly died protecting it. I won‘t let a little incomer from the city lecture me about how things work in my own village.“

The color of Dillan‘s face resembled a fire bug more than human skin and neither Gideon nor Sahar could hold back their grins. If you could call the soft bashful twitch of Sahar‘s lips that.

Just as Dillan got ready to retaliate, brows drawn tight and hands balled into tight fists, their teacher strode over. Gravel crunched under the man's heavy steps until he came to a halt just behind Dillan, casting his student in the shadow of his wide shoulders. His black beard shifted with the quirk of his lips. Dark eyes twinkled, bemused.

“We teachers were already wondering if you two troublemakers would end up here. Well, I guess I owe Sybil dinner now.“

Gideon‘s brows raised nearly to his hairline. “What‘s that supposed to mean?“

“I would like to know that as well, Mister Bassam.“ Dillan protested.

“Well,“ Bassam chuckled, relishing the confused faces all around him. “C‘mon guys, did you really think we wouldn‘t talk about you three saving a bunch of children and fighting off a spider. Even if you said you weren‘t the ones to strike it down, that's still a huge feat. You should be proud of yourselves. Especially you, young man.“

Bassam‘s large hand clapped Sahar on his right shoulder and made all three of them wince. Sahar‘s fingers began to frantically tap his thigh, but nothing else happened. If Bassam had noticed anything he graciously ignored Sahar‘s display of nerves.

“Jumping that monster with nothing but an old firewood axe. The kids won‘t shut up about it down at the tea house, let me tell you.“

“Oh oh oh, yeah?“ Sahar flushed.

Charlotte sighed. “And I told them to keep it down.“

“Well, be glad they didn‘t, or we wouldn‘t consider giving two penniless orphans the chance to join nearly a month late into term.“

“Wait.“ Gideon burst out, gesturing wildly at Sahar and Charlotte. A cocktail of worry and apprehension pumped through his veins. “You mean they‘re in? Just like that?“

“No, no. Not quite. You two still have to pass our entrance exam. We do have standards here, after all.“ Bassam, whose hand still rested on Sahar‘s shoulder, began to gently push him forward. “C‘mon you two. We‘ll talk in detail in the principal's office. And the rest of you, five rounds around the field. Hade, hade, there is never too much warm up.“

Everyone groaned in frustration except for Kaida who jogged towards Gideon with a wide grin, black bowl cut shining in the sun. He turned around and started running.