#it’s just kinda been here for a while sorta like reddit

[sentientgopro]

If there's one thing I wanna bring with me from Reddit, It's r/legoguns.

Now that I'm getting off reddit, there's one thing I wanna bring with me and it's this subreddit and idea, it doesn't seem to really exist on Tumblr. Here's some of my designs, and some of the best of other people's, with credit. All of mine can be realistically built with full functionality (mag release, charging handle, etc.)

MK18 of mine

Okay, when i first posted i forgot a "keep reading" button lmao. Heres 1 image as an eyecatcher though. 29 more to go.

Different kinda M4 built on same reciever

PPSH41.

Onto other people's far superior stuff.

"3rd version of my AUG" by u/vipeDoesStuff

"Messed around with the idea of a Nine- Tailed Fox issued M4 rifle" By u/Foxlegofirearms

"glOwOck" by u/VipeDoesStuff. Pure perfection.

"Lego AWM!" By u/JimsLegoGuns. Also on YT under the same name, has some tutorials that are a great place to start when learning the general conventions of designing these things.

"The Stoner Family" by u/FoxsLegoFirearms

"My custom UMP-45 haven't posted the irl version" By u/_xMr__

"4 generations of Aks" By u/FoxsLegoFirearms

"Sig Sauer M18" By u/VipeDoesStuff

"Finally made my 3a1 Carbine IRL" by u/JimsLegoGuns

"Glock 17" by u/VipeDoesStuff

"Glock 19 gen 5 MOS and a custom knife. Kinda EDC- ish." By u/jacqo_B

"Family photo (yes I like John Wick)" By u/FrostTGA

"TTI Pit Viper" By u/FrostTGA

"Contractor .308 from Payday 2" By u/VipeDoesStuff

"You want to see what 4 years of researching, time, effort, learning and pain looks like? Here you go." by u/FoxsLegoFirearms

"Lego P90" by u/edups2

"Some BO2 builds from a while ago" By u/edups2

"The 7 Gun" By u/BallsHD4K60fps

"Cock 19, sadly no balls" By u/BallsHD4K60fps.

"LEGO M4 MW SKELETONIZED" By u/edups2

"Lego Call Of Duty Zombies Ray Gun" by u/NickBrick

Aand thats image limit. Damn, I got carried away with that. Ive been picking very specifically too, there's ALOT of better stuff than just this that ive missed. Just take a little look through the r/legoguns sub. Anyway, I'm hoping these are gonna get some new people interested in this sorta thing, or increase the amount they're being posted on Tumblr. Lego guns sounds ridiculous but once you see how good they can be, it starts making more sense. So, I'm gonna tag this with #Lego guns in the hopes that it catches on. Thanks for reading. Including all Migration tags too, and 196 bc why not.

[pandasan-power]

Zeke is my favourite fictional character. He's just so... fascinating. He's initially presented as weird and mysterious but he turns out to be a giant dork and a huge loser with the most severe daddy issues I've ever seen.

I love him so much. Here's a very long ramble that's kinda sorta a character analysis (it's bad though).

He gives off Reddit mod energy (then again, Eren has Discord mod energy (disclaimer: I love Eren too)), has the sense of humour of a 12 year old, hangs around people who are quite a bit younger than him (granted, his only other option is creepy old military men), has smoked since he was probably like 15 and spends his life "pretending" to be stupid.

And yet he genuinely cares about other people in his own way. He really did just want to make it so that Eldians didn't have to suffer. He assumed that because he had a shit life and was treated terribly (as were his parents), everyone else was in the same boat. It never occured to him that other Eldians were happy, because, like, why would they be?

He's willing to go to the ends of the earth and beyond to fulfill his mission, which he's held on to since he was a teenager. Even though Ksaver did plant the seeds for Zeke, Zeke came up with his plan himself. Ksaver never mentioned anything about reproduction, just that the Founder could be used to alter Eldian biology.

He's devasted when Eren goes "lol jk bro" and betrays him, because he finally found someone he thought he could trust (his first mistake was trusting Eren of all people). He couldn't understand why Eren went against his plan, or what Eren was even trying to accomplish in the first place.

Also, I think it's worth mentioning that Zeke's euthanasia plan undermines everything Ymir Fritz went through. She suffered severely, but I like to imagine that she really did love her daughters to the best of her ability. Zeke saying that Eldians would be better off not existing in the first place and that he's going to get rid of them is telling Ymir Fritz that all her suffering was for absolutely fucking nothing. Whereas Eren wants Eldians to live on, because that way, Ymir can be freed, and she can see that there is beauty in the world (which she did via Mikasa, as badly explained as it was lol).

Zeke never saw that beauty. He was brainwashed and abused and taken advantage of his entire life. By his parents, by Marley (yes, even Ksaver), and, later, by Eren. To him, there was nothing redeeming about the world.

Hence his final line where he talks about what a lovely day it is and how nice/clear the sky is, but that it ultimately is too late to realise that (? I haven't read the chapter in a while, I don't remember the exact wording). That's him acknowledging that he was wrong about the world lacking beauty.

Yes, Ksaver did care for him and did love him, but he did also use Zeke for his own gain. He was projecting his son onto Zeke, as he said so himself in canon, and he was also hoping that Zeke could accomplish what he (Ksaver) wasn't able to. Zeke may not have been as determined to save the Eldians (in his own way) if he hadn't spent time with Ksaver.

Zeke and Eren are fascinating to me, because Eren threw away his humanity in order to save the world/his loved ones, yet was very upset that he had to do so (given his paths convo with Armin), yet Zeke... was stripped of most of his humanity before he had a chance to even embrace it. My personal interpretation is that he never realised he was lacking humanity (which is something Levi kept trying to point out, especially in the forest with reminding Zeke about his Rakago crime) because death and killing were so normalised to him (and to him, his enemies weren't human because they were mostly Eldians and he, as an Eldian, wasn't considered human -- or at least he may have used that as a justification for his actions), and it wasn't until the very end that it hit him.

Lastly, part of why I love the dynamic between Zeke and Levi is that they're two sides of the same coin. They're both admired and feared by people (for different reasons), are traumatised in every possible way, and are similar yet also very different.

When they're interacting, neither of them give a shit about the other's status or powers or whatever. They fight like equals on par with each other and don't hold back. Warchief Zeke? Captain Levi? Nope. They're just Zeke and Levi to each other. (And they'd be friends if they were on the same side, maybe.)

ANYWAY Zeke Yeager is a great character and I love my monkeyman so much. He had such good character development and his backstory is really well done. The "I love you, Zeke" paths scene is my favourite since in all of SnK just for how much that means for both Grisha and Zeke.

[bohemian-nights]

Nettles Casting Speculation

Since HBO won’t announce the casting for Nettles(understandably), and because we are all going mad due to a lack of official news for her, I thought I would compose a list of all the actresses who could potentially be her.

(Shout out to @nettlesdefensesquad cause she found a lot of these actresses).

Take this whole list with a massive grain of salt because my criteria for this was Black(ish) British/Black(ish) actresses in British productions between the ages of 26-33 (according to some guy on Reddit, Nettles actress is 32, so I thought I’d be lenient with the age) who’s side profile sorta matches this picture of Nettles presumed actress in costume:

Keeping all that in mind, here’s our list:

1. Gabrielle Brooks

While her side profile does not really match the woman in the blurry photo, Gabrielle just turned 33, I believe she’s following/being followed by some of the HOTD cast, and she doesn’t appear to be working on any projects at the moment so we can’t rule her out 🤷🏽‍♀️

2. Yohanna Ephrem

Can’t find her exact age, but based on the side profiles it looks as if she could be a match and she appears not to be working on anything right now. She also doesn’t appear to have any social media so bonus points?

3. Marilyn Nnadebe

Marilyn is 32 and it appears like she is not working on any projects right now.

4. Jordan Loughran

People have been fan-casting her for years, but since she was used in a recent fancast, I decided to look her up, and lo and behold she’s 31! Jordan was already on a HBO show, Raised by Wolves, which also happens to be the same show Alyn’s actor(Abubakar Salim) was on so bonus points.

5. Lois Chimimba

The side profile isn’t that great of a match, but she is 31, about to be 32, and she doesn’t appear to be working on anything at the moment.

6. Tamaira Hesson

I can’t find a decent side profile pick and I can’t find Tamaira’s exact age, but under her playing age, it lists 20-30. She doesn’t appear to be working on any projects at the moment and besides LinkedIn, she doesn’t appear to have any social media.

7. Ronke Adekoluejo

Ronke is 31 and her side profile is kinda a match.

8. Meesha Turner

The side profiles aren’t that much of a match, but for the people who speculate that Nettles actress is tall, Meesha is 5’9.” She’s 32 and she’s not working on anything at the moment. (In fact back in October she left her role as Catherine Parr in the production Six the Musical).

9. Jasmine Rachelle

Can’t find her exact age, but she’s I don’t think she’s older than 25/26. Jasmine is 5’9.”

10. Sherelle Johnson

I can’t find her exact age(or a side profile pic), but her playing age range is between 18-28. I also don’t think she’s working on anything at the moment.

11. Crystal Clarke

Crystal’s last show Sanditon just ended and for the time being it does not look as if she has any other projects in the works. She is around 30.

(I would literally jump for joy if she was playing Nettles).

12. Gleanne Purcell-Brown

The profile isn’t dead on, but Glenne’s playing age is between 20-30. She doesn’t appear to be working on anything and she is 5’8.”

13. Lebogang Fisher

Her playing age is between 18-28. She doesn’t appear to be working on any projects at the moment.

14. Casey Al-Shaqsy

Casey’s playing age is between 19-25. She doesn’t appear to be working on any projects at the moment.

15. Lydia Fraser

Not a side profile picture, but Lydia’s playing age is between 20-35. She is currently working on a stage play though.

16. Yazzmin Newell

Her playing range is between 20-30. It doesn’t look as if she’s working on anything at the moment(her last series was canceled earlier this year). Steve Touissaint is also following her.

17. Madeleine Mantock

She was gearing up for a play back in June, but she’s 33 and 5’9.”

18. Tia Bannon

Not sure about her exact age, but she graduated with a BA back in 2015 so she fits the age range.

19. Danielle Vitalis

Honestly, this is another case of the side profile not really matching, but she fits the age range(play range is 16-30) so I’m adding her just to cover all our bases🤷🏽‍♀️

20. Karla Simone-Spence

Listen my behind knows she’s not going to play Nettles, but she follows Bethany on Instagram and she’s 27. Let me dream 😭

21. Natalie Simpson

Her playing age is 23-33(I think she’s in her early 30s).

22. Leah Haile

According to her Spotlight, she’s currently working on the Snow White movie that comes out next year, but I just thought I might include her. Her playing age is between 16-25.

23. Jessica Allain

Do the side profiles match? Probably not, but she’s 26 and pretty tall so I’m including her.

24. Thalissa Teixeira

Shes been fancasted as Nettles in the past and she’s in her early 30s and it doesn't look like she's really working on anything🤷🏽‍♀️

25. Shantol Jackson

Are the side profiles matching? Nope, but she is 31.

26. Sophia Brown

She's tall 5’ 8” and 31. I really couldn’t find a good side profile pic of Sophia, but I wouldn’t rule her out.

27. Zaraah Abrahams

She’s 36 so she’s a little out of the age range, but she looks young, again, we are covering all of our bases.

28. Razan Nassar

She’s on the young side(25), but she’s been in a show with Bethany Antonia(Get Even), hence the inclusion.

29. Simona Brown

She’s 29 and she doesn’t appear to be working on anything.

There are some actresses who are a bit too young so I didn’t include them, but in case Reddit guy was all the way off, Corinna Brown(who follows Bethany) and Coco Rebecca Edogamhe are good contenders.

This list is not extensive, so anyone with any suggestions feel free to add them 😊(please add them because your girl is desperate 😭).

[professoruber]

Theory on Meridian | Birds of Prey (2023-)

Spoilers ahead for Birds of Prey (2023-) #5 - Along with general spoilers for the series as a whole

So Birds of Prey (2023-) #5 released; and so I am writing this post both as a follow-up to my pre-release speculation but also to discuss a specific theory on Meridian. While I may be focusing on this one specific character a bit much; I think its worth considering how she's kinda been a major driving force of the plot despite her limited appearance and revealed motivation. So there is plenty of potential for some discussion here.

Namely; what is Meridian's true nature and motives?

So far we have not seen a direct detailed explanation from Meridian regarding her motives or why she has specifically excluded who she excluded. We do however get a bit of a hint at some stuff, which in turn also supports the idea that she is indeed from the future as she claims...

"Where the final battle always is" - Meridian.

Quite the intriguing word choice, which Cass also picked up on as being concerning. This does imply that this is not the first time Meridian has gone through this; and that in turn implies the Birds of Prey have failed in previous timelines. This could be used to explain why she did things the way she did; perhaps telling the Diana or Barbara has backfired in some manner before.

I still would like some specific reasoning for her information security choices and why she didn't provide more information apparently, but it'd still be a decent handwave at least on the part of the writers. Assuming Meridian is on the up and up of course, because...

Meridian might be evil (possibly)

I have seen it pointed out on Reddit that Meridian's speech bubbles...

Have the same reversed (black background & white text vs the typical white background & black text) colouring as Megaera...

Granted; the reversed text for Meridian appears to be a sign of her voice getting distorted by the mask (her speech is coloured normally both when her helmet is off and occasionally even when it's still on), and her speech bubbles' edges are not drawn the same as Megaera... but it's still an interesting coincidence.

And that comparison got me noticing another strange similarity in their colouring.

Both appear to have a sort of black/green/yellowish colour scheme, especially in the cover art. Those controlled by Megaera are also depicted with green eyes...

So overall it is a strange series of coincidences I think.

These panels do have Meridian helping out Cass and Zealot by fighting the mind controlled Wonder Woman, which could go against the idea she herself is under control.. but on the other hand, she's also doing it to get Cass and Zealot to go where she's telling them to; so if she does have ulterior motives this may be orchestrated to push them in the direction she wants?

Hard to say; especially since the mind controlled Wonder Woman is also shown with the reversed colouring in her text bubble as Meriden (albeit still with rougher edges) and Megaera. Her little comments like "Crap. That felt less scary in my head" also do provide support to her being genuine ("Crap" was also something of a signature expletive for Maps in Gotham Academy for that matter).

Still, I can't deny the odd coincidences. Especially since they chose to design Meridian's costume and 'aura' in a way which is oddly similar to the main villain despite the fact that I don't think think Maps has been associated with such a theme before. And if Meridian is evil or being controlled, then it could better explain why she excluded Diana and Barbara and also why things have gotten so out of control despite her foreknowledge and implied previous attempts.

All very interesting stuff.

Or maybe I'm overanalysing all this stuff and Meridian's just time travelling hero and Future Maps.

(Imagine though if this ended up being a sorta 'backdoor pilot' kinda thing for Robin!Maps; introducing her a villain the form of an evil future her? Maybe not but still).

In conclusion

I got some mixed feelings about Meridian. On one hand, scattered comments by her do admittedly point to her seeming genuine and not being controlled. And the fact her bubbles are drawn without the rough edges of Megaera and those controlled by her, and also are coloured normally when her helmet is off, could point towards it just being a coincidence; they might've just used the same technique to depict 'distorted' speech for both.

But still... this is quite the number of coincidences; between the colouring of both her costume and speech bubbles, as well as the oddly sparse information we've gotten from her and her limited appearances. The possibility of some kind of twist regarding her is something worth considering I think.

Still do hope for Present!Maps getting involved in the Birds of Prey though, that would be cool. And hopefully more Cass and Maps interactions, those are cute.

[sleeplesslark]

Under the cut because of mentions of horror and horrifying situations

I enjoy reading those scary ask reddit stories. Like "what's the creepiest thing to happen to you while canping". Something about them makes my brain buzz with happy chemicals. I know most of them are probably fake and if they aren't they're peoples real stories and shouldn't probably be analyzed like fiction but I've had this idea in my brain for a while.

I kinda feel like there's a difference in some of them, something being terrifying vs creepy or even unnerving. I feel like, creepy is a step before real fear. Something is wrong and potentially there's a threat but your brain can't quite tell yet. Puts you on edge.

Like. Human footprints found in the morning circling your tent as you slept is creepy, unsettling, its an encounter that will stick with you for all the what ifs. Nothing happened so there was no threat. Or was there? You'll never get to know.

Creepy lives in that sorta space I feel like. This has probably been put more eloquently, but to me creepy is also worse than scary. Scary is like the relief of the threat making itself know, the tent being torn open with you in it is scary, horrifying, traumatizing. I don't mean to downplay it. In horror stories though creepy just. Sticks under my skin more. There's no catharsis, no ending to the buildup sometimes. Just you and some footprints circling your tent out in the middle of nowhere.

I feel like there's some writing advice in here somewhere. In college another student did this super well. I won't say the scene or what happened but it was this well timed, beautifully crafted scene where a piece of the environment got altered in a space of time it shouldn't have been able to. The main character blows it off but as a reader you know that shouldn't have happened. Thus the main character isn't alone, is being watched, carefully. But nothing happens in scene. Just a lot of buildup to an unsettling realization. I think about that scene all the goddamn time I hope that student publishes the book so people do analysis on it.

[smudged-red-ink]

A VERY LONG AND RAMBLING BOY AND THE HERON POST

I saw Boy and the Heron a month ago and have been processing since then.

Here's the thing: I wanted to love this movie. I really really did. I loved the trailer, I loved the snarky little heron, I loved Mahito's hair on the posters. So I went to the theater and payed my twenty dollars (still money well spent) and then...

Well. It took a while for things to get going. Maybe that's just my short attention span, but I felt like there were a few more scenes in the set up than there needed to be. There were a few points to get across (Mahito is a struggling kid, he has complexated feelings about his dad's new wife, he misses his mom) and these points were communicated, but more times than they needed to be.

Then the heron finally showed up. And then he disapears. He shows up, he disapears, he shows up he disapears... again, one time more than he needed to. We all saw the trailer, we know Mahito goes with him, but damn it took a while.

Okay, okay. Natsuko disapears, Mahito follows her. And he goes to the tower with this random old lady in tow. And as much as I love Kiriko, I feel like this is the movie's biggest problem right here. Lemme explain.

Miyazaki's best worlds and characters feel so magical because they are secrets. It's Chihiro walking into the bathhouse alone. It's Ashitaka watching the forest spirit across the lake. These moments are so powerful because they are so personal. It's just a kid against the world. And even if it's not explicitly a secret, it feels like one.

But everyone and their aunt knows about the tower in the woods. A random lady gets to venture into the other world with Mahito. It isn't something personal that Mahito discovers. It just sorta happens.

Anyway, the Heron gets pronounced Mahito's guide. But then he just kinda...dips. For a movie called the boy and the heron, the heron was conspicuosly absent for a lot of it. I wanted more banter. I wanted more of a journey between these two. Mahito tried to kill him, so why are they allies at the end? It makes sense, but it could've been a lot deeper emotionally.

The world that Mahito gets dumped in is set up really well, as sort of an oceanic underworld populated by spirits and birds. But halfway through it just kinda switched gears and became a canibalistic-but-somehow-still-light-hearted parrot kingdom. Now I have nothing against canibal parrots, I liked them quite a lot actually, but it felt like such a shift. After the eloquently thwarted pelicans and the watawata, the parrots were a hard left. It might've been fine, but we never went back to the world's original tone, and I was sad about that.

Also Himi-- the movie was set up as Mahito's emotional journey as he grieves his mother, but they baredly even say goodbye at the end. I wanted more here.

Anyhow. It was good. I just didn't think it was great. I like Miyazaki's dream logic as much as the next person, but this felt less like dream and more like a repeated "and then what if we forgot about most of what we just spent so much time setting up and completely switched gears."

TLDR (to borrow a little reddit phraseology): Less set up, more Heron, and more "secrecy" = A perfect movie.

[zumpietoo]

Umm....Okayyy...

Why do you object to this and why is it “worse” than MLK (both instances were horrifying...)? It actually sorta explains why they chose 1955 versus 1953.....

Is it because, LBR, you hate black people being focused on? And I do say this while thinking it IS kinda icky that Slizzy’s involved, but there it is....

No, it isn’t kettle-bullshit, but thanks for confirming yourself as a Cole-hater, too...

And, LBR, what Racist is REALLY pressed about here? That it turns out Tabi’s gonna have moar screen time. (and, again, stuff about black people).

OML....yes, Racist, reddit is such a reliable source....especially when it’s all, already been entirely disproven. Plus Cole and PP haven’t had many scenes together (and lots of those were split screen!) for over 2 years, dumbasses....and it’s WHY they cast a new LI for Jughead.....

Also, he’s the fucking NARRATOR and remains their biggest draw....so, nooo....but there wasn’t gonna be moar jizzy again, anyway....

Additionally,

A) cuz, yeah, Izzy, you’re ALWAYS right.....

B) he also is entitled, by contract and his civil rights to a harassment-free workplace, so, again, your argument is shit.

I mean, see above, you ignorant piece of trash. Plus, again, you’ve been wrong about everything now for over two seasons.

Ummm....dude, bullshit, you’ve been insisting you’d be getting everything you ever wanted, wrapped in a big fat bow, for the past two seasons. Additionally, OFC, why do you even want this? You hate Cole and have opted to make that crystal clear (and then some), so why do you want this? You don’t even like Jughead.

Is it cuz black lady and you hate Barfies? Cuz that’s all I’ve got....

I’m also laughing because while, yes, it IS possible there’s jizzy endgame in the last 2 minutes of the show, essentially offscreen, to boot....even that is looking increasingly unlike. And time was, you insisted that would be the worst ever.

Now sad crumbs at the end would be enough? Ummm....okayyyy....

Oh good lord.....while, yes, it’s clearly show promo (cuz duh), no it wasn’t “Cole ignoring his Pee Arr team”.....cuz why TF would he? Especially to do something kinda uncomfortable for himself, that he didn’t have to do?

OML.....where to even fucking start?

Ummm.....no, the writers don’t care what the actors want, now or ever....they also DGAF what YOU want....

Meanwhile, ummm....if the network didn’t want a full final season, they wouldn’t have ordered one. From BERLANTI....who would be the entity negotiating this (and seemed fine with their much moar popular show, The Flash, getting a much shorter final season)....and literally, again, every show on the CW is looking at the ax soon enough, because the entire network is essentially no moar/soon to be no moar....

And no, while the network retains final approval, it does NOT work that way, either....plus, again, there are other networks, etc....this anon’s ignorance is just utterly and spectacularly breathtaking.

Additionally, again.....Netflix pays for the show, they’re fine with it, etc....

And I thought RAS was gonna save the show from Babyman???

Errmm.....I think, again, the cast cares about working in a hostile environment/getting to sexually harass their targets. A LOT....and maybe peeps think that cuz it’s what the cast endlessly pretends?

Again....nope. Paley was fine, had the same attendance (a bit better, in fact) than other shows. Also, if it’s such lost shit, why are YOU here talking about it?

I always love your endless doom and gloom scenarios, as well....plus, my recent (and still not quite resolved) provider switching gives me some further insight, here:

It’s actually kinda a big pain in the ass now to watch the CW live....

USGOTV (or USTVNOW, whichever one is free) has shut down.....the other one wants $29 per month to have access to the CW’s live east coast stream...

Nobody wants to pay for DirecTV (stream) or Hughesnet, YoutubeTV (which I’ll be cancelling post free trial, for this express reason) doesn’t have agreements in all (or many) markets for live CW---so you’re stuck simply streaming the app the next day....which you can do for free, anyway. But doesn’t track for live ratings.

I’ll personally be switching to HuluLive, but they REALLY limit how many screens and locations you can watch from....

The other option I could gather is going waaayyyyy old skool and putting in an antenna (who knew?), but not really so wanting to do so...

(she has many other posts, but I shall pause with this for the moment....)

[callsignbaphomet]

So on the 10th we're going to see Lich King. We haven't been to any concert in years. Last band we saw was Lacuna Coil and that was while I was still working at the airport so... it's been a while lol.

There's reasons for it. When Slayer was gonna come here this producer assbag got greedy and demanded more money or some such shit. So bands sorta stopped coming. At least that's what I remember, this happened years ago. Second was that during the hurricane Maria thing Richard, C's best friend, moved to Texas and he was our only communication for all things concerts.

Recently C was on Reddit and found out that bands had been coming around again for a few years now and found a store that sells band merch AND has info on bands coming over and they sell tickets. We went there today, it's called Odin's Court btw and I love that to bits, to get tickets for Lich King.

Lady that owns the store is like around her late 40s early 50s if I had to guess. She showed us one of her battle vests she started back in 1986. It's in great condition and looked badass.

C got himself a Bathory shirt and got me a shirt, sticker, necklace and pins :3

I already had a really nicely done Thor's hammer but it's heavy and it's kind of a pain to wear it so I told C I would trade mine for one of the ones in the store so we traded. I already had this shirt from when Iron Maiden came here but it doesn't fit. I picked the right size but it absolutely was not the size it was labeled as. I like loose fitting clothes unless I'm crossdressing so I haven't used the shirt in long ass years and I wanted one I could comfortably wear.

Found an Amon Amarth shirt and got super excited but it was small 😞

The sticker and the pins were for a super dorky lame reason ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Jelani.

His code name is baphomet (points to url of main blog and art blog).

I also associate him with goats so as soon as I saw those pins I just HAD to have 'em.

All I need now is a wolf pin to go with the goat one and I'll have myself a little Jelani/Angelus kinda for lack of a better word tribute sorta thing to that couple. Wanna find one of a buck and a fox (best if sable) for Uthorim/Loke.

So yeah, that was my day. Looking forward to destroying my hearing at the concert next, next week. Also C let me dork out by letting me talk his ear off about n s f w stuff concerning Jela and Angelus because despite how short yesterday's post was I wanna keep indulging 🤭

[dzpenumbra]

8/13/23

This is gonna have to be short tonight, for several reasons. The biggest being that I've been fucking typing all goddamn day for two days straight and my right forearm is gonna get worn out because I still type completely wrong. I type normally with my left hand, but with my right hand, I use pointer and middle for letters, thumb for space and pinky for backspace/enter. It ends up putting all the strain on my pointer and middle fingers, rather than distributing it across four fingers. So... that arm gets worn out, and I really need to be cautious of injury, because I've definitely hurt it before.

I've been typing a lot because I've been active on reddit, posting in support groups. I've been doing it basically all day.

I... I am really fucking frustrated with how much difficulty I have with just... cold-calling people and shit. Like... okay... there is a listing active for Part Time faculty in Art and Art History (probably religion classes too) at the Community College up the road from me. Walking/skating distance. I went to this college for 2 semesters in 2007. It's a community college. It's a part-time position. And I'm not applying because... they say on the listing that you need a Master's degree - requirement. I only have a Bachelor's.

I can't get myself to just fucking walk up there and talk to someone there and say "hey, I used to go to school here, I actually took Comparative Religions and Science and Spirituality at this school while you were building this facility. I have a degree in Art. I've been active as a freelance artist for 13 years. I study ancient history, religion and art every day. You need an Art and Art History teacher. ... ... Pay me?" And then I can just hold out my palm and just sorta nod and gesture my head towards my hand in a coy, inviting manner.

Or... I could just fucking call and ask to talk to someone who knows about hiring stuff, and just... tell them my situation and that I'd love to help out. But I just get hit by a fucking brick wall. Every damn time.

"What if I don't actually want to teach?" "Why bother, I'm not qualified, I'm clearly not qualified. It says very clearly that you need a Master's, why would I waste their time asking... 'but are you suuuure?'" "Will I really be able to emotionally handle going from complete isolation to standing in front of like 20+ students and having them stare at me for an hour without having a panic attack?" "Am I even going to get paid anything for doing this?"

I just feel like... a sense of looming regret. Like doing this is going to be something I regret having done in the future. And I don't know if there's something I'm picking up on that is right on the money, but I can't see it yet? Or if I'm just self-sabotaging. They feel the goddamn same. The whole "it's not paranoid if there really is someone out to get you" thing.

So I really have to actively push back and say, "would it hurt to try?" Hell, maybe if I can get a meeting with someone there who does hiring and they turn out to be a really nice person, I can actually explain my situation a bit (without getting too personal) and maybe we can come up with a custom plan that works for everyone. Who knows.

I spent some time looking up places to cold-call today, because despite how much I'd love a more comfortable arrangement? It's going to be cold-calling no matter what I do. I listed the solo-artist tattoo shop that is in my building. It's a guy who runs the place himself. I have no idea how the fuck this guy can afford to rent an entire commercial space in this building to run a solo shop. That has to be expensive. I can drop an email and say I live in the building, I'm an artist but really... I'm not looking for an apprenticeship, I'm kinda just looking to be an artist's assistant right now? Just hang out and help with some of the leg work, maybe draw up stencils for him, help clean and organize, inventory, reorder stock, shit like that. I know most of the ins and outs of tattooing from my past experience, it was just... a while ago... It might be more incentive for him to hire me if I'm actively not trying to apprentice, which I'm not. I think tattooing is behind me. No promises, but it's most definitely not a goal. I'm much more concerned with just... getting myself around other artists. Making friends who know the business, know the art world and can help mentor me and guide me to the right place to get my art around people who appreciate it.

The second one on the list was the art collective. They're doing another nude model drawing thing on the 23rd. I am going. I've decided. I'm even going to buy a ticket this time. I don't care if I'm sitting in the back the whole time. I'll just order a ticket and shoot an email to them and say "I'm new to the area and I'm looking to meet art friends, I'm planning on coming to this drawing session. Does this tend to turn into a social thing after the drawing or would there be other times that would be better to come by and meet people as well? P.S. I live a block away and I'm free all the time and I would rent a studio with you but my apartment is criminally expensive right now."

The third one was a new place I found downtown. It's... it's a hike. It's a 4.5 mile trip on the ol' hybrid board. I could always just take the community car thing for it, but... if I were to get a job here... yeah, that'd be super expensive. They take a spiritual approach to artwork, in a way that's... it has hints of art therapy to it... but it's less diagnostic and treatment focused and more narrative focused. Which is definitely appealing. And I really do feel like those kinds of people would understand a creature like myself, and vice versa. They have an open studio Thursdays from 12:30-2:30... so I'd have to get up early for that, but I could definitely reserve the car for that one. The con side to this one? The position they were hiring for was... graphic design and social media management. Fuck that. And... if I were to manage to get some kind of position there, getting there reliably (especially in the winter) would be rough.

So, those made the list, but then the next place I clicked was... a gallery. And... I started to implode a bit. Not hugely, just a little at first... then more and more... like cracks spreading on a windshield or something. And then it just started getting super loud. "You don't have enough similar coherent pieces to have your own exhibit." "None of this stuff looks anything like any of your stuff." "This looks like art you'd see in a gallery, and your art doesn't look like this... so... fill in the blank..."

It was a contemporary art gallery, so that might be part of it, but... idk. I just don't know where my shit will fit. Once I really started thinking about my work being on display in a gallery, the walls just started closing in. It's really upsetting. I don't even fully know why, I just... I struggle to believe it will ever happen or something? And I'm not even sure I want it to happen? I mean... The Path... shit like that? My concept piece videos? I could absolutely see that playing in a gallery. 100%. My bird illustrations, maybe. Even my abstract pieces. My mandalas? I don't know. But all of them together? ... I feel like they're going to see it as an incoherent mess.

Because I am an incoherent mess. XD DUH. It's the same problem with social anxiety, it's the same problem with posting on social media, it's the same problem with my art shit. I have too many interests, too much to say, too many things I want to do. I am like 5 people living in one body. I want to draw and paint and sculpt and skate and make videos and explore the woods and garden and take care of animals, I want to do it all! And I refuse to settle for one thing, because every new thing I explore and learn how to do contributes new insight that benefits all my other work.

Comparing it to music - I started with guitar, then vocals/lyrics, then added in composition, then piano, then drums, then bass. And when I say "then", I mean I went through a phase where that was my primary instrument. I still play all of them. After doing vocals, my lead guitar became much more lyrical, much more inspired by the melodies I wanted to make with my voice. After doing drums, my rhythm guitar was much more informed by what the experience of playing that song on drums was like, and could adjust accordingly. After doing bass, my composition changed completely, I started thinking about tone and resonance and space in completely different ways. Every piece helped inform every other one, and my understanding of music as a whole started to expand dramatically. Not just from an academic standpoint of sitting and studying music theory, but from first-hand experience. From... empathy, compassion, perspective.

So... my diversity in artwork has provided me great gifts, and helped me reach ideas I never dreamed of. But I've feared for so long that the artifacts of this intellectual journey of art... the relics of my process... just don't really demonstrate how profound my creative insights are.

To use an analogy - the polished stones that I made when my cat was sick and died. Every day I would polish these stones by hand with diamond and ceramic sanding pads. Every day. For hours. The entire process was a... coming to terms with death process. A meditation. My grief literally eroded those stones. My pain, my suffering, my sadness, my despair... in watching my beautiful lovely girl waste away in the end of her days. And those emotions, that horrifically painful experience of having Death himself as a roommate for weeks on end, wondering if this is the day he takes my surrogate daughter... All of those emotions transformed these normal everyday pieces of driveway gravel into stunningly gorgeous faceted stones. I don't even know what kind of stone it is, I just know it looks like there are flecks of silver in it. But if you just walk by and look at it? It's a handful of polished rocks in weird shapes.

I guess what I'm saying is... I feel like my art doesn't speak for itself sometimes... and since no one has ever asked me what my art is about... Okay, I'm going to correct myself here. ONE TIME I was asked what a piece was about, and it was at my senior show in college, and it was my bandmate who asked me. That's it. So... I really do fear that I'm going to send in a proposal to a gallery, and they're just going to look at the piece... and just go... "yeah, we'll pass". Or... the ever-so-common, "this isn't my thing".

Is that a reason to not try? ... Jury's out. But I'm leaning more towards, no. I should still try. Same with the college teaching position, even if I get denied, at least I tried.

I played a bunch of Rimworld today. It was storming off and on all day. And I finally started sketching designs for my black jeans. It's getting weird and I'm loving it. First, I want to do celtic knots down the seams on the sides of the jeans, running vertically. I want to do black outlined in white on one side, and the same thing inverted... white outlined in black on the other side. I learned how to make celtic knots and it was really cool, I had never done that before and it's a very interesting process. I came up with a repeating design that I'm happy with, so I'm set to start working on that, that should be cool. I decided I want to go with a sorta... Duality theme. With Light on the left side and Dark on the right. And my starting concepts are... to do the bubble/membrane concept at the bottom. The idea is to do the same type of texture drawing the connective tissue as black on the Dark side and leaving the jean underneath as a fill, and do the bubbles as white on the Light side and leave the jean as connective fill. I don't know if it's going to look good or not, I've never done it before... but fuck it, right? I think the narrowing pattern of big circles descending down into smaller and smaller bubbles tends to be the most compelling, and I think it would work well at the bottom of the pants. Then... above it, I want a narrative piece on each leg - the left I want to have a woman kneeling with her back arched and hands in Anjali mudra at their heart, head back, chin lifted, heart lifted to the sky. And she is praying up to the sun in solar eclipse, with the dark circle of the moon in the middle and the glowing rays of the sun shining behind. In the same spot on the other leg, (I think) I want a man in extended child pose, a more traditional submissive prayer pose, with the moon in lunar eclipse above, with the dark shadow of the earth over a glowing crescent moon. This is subject to change, the genders I might swap, the pose on the Dark side I might change for symmetry's sake.

I've been watching a ton of these videos of this guy who clearly knows a shit ton about archeology and old religious art, and he compares it to Elden Ring, which is like... entirely based on old religious/spiritual artwork and architecture and mythology. It's fucking so goddamn interesting, I really can't put into words how compelling this is for me, and how much of a new love I have for this game now. It belongs in a fucking museum. I want so badly to go replay it now! I have to hold myself back!

I kept seeing a trend popping up, from Babylonian carvings, and Greek, and it reminded me of Egyptian art... this idea of telling a story sequentially through artwork in a stela. Like telling a mythological story through a series of pictures carved vertically from top to bottom, or as the papyri I was remembering depicted, from right to left on a scroll. I am tempted to take the same approach with these pants... and sorta... get narrative with it. And tell a story for each leg, going scene by scene from top to bottom. And tell mirroring stories, with similar themes, similar composition, but different narratives.

It's crazy how one drawing, one concept can unlock that. It was just this idea of Duality, dark and light, left is light/right is dark. Then... the duality of down and up... one person submitting their heart down to the earth in prayer, the other lifting their heart to the sky in prayer. And a unified cohesion being... the composition, the mirroring, and somewhat the narrative. What's the narrative? Fuck if I know. I think eclipses are incredibly powerful and iconic and worship inspiring, so I drew the parallel. Where I go with it? We'll just have to find out tomorrow, I guess.

I'm cutting myself off, I want a shower before bed and it's super late. Bye!

[girlvinland]

I saw a comment on a post that was like “I can’t believe people over 30 use this app!!!” and I’m like 🤔 ???

[noco7]

ch. 10 ramblings

My thoughts on Cody-Sierra, and how the writers and the fans treat them

1) Establish the Cody-Sierra parallel

I’ve been hinting at it for a while, and while obviously, yes, Cody is not as Bad as Sierra.... that doesn’t mean he’s a saint. He’s just less of a creep. They both ignore their object of affection’s rejections. It’s just Sierra goes overboard. And I find that really interesting for some reason. A lot of people say that during World Tour Cody should have used, nay, it was terrible writing and derailment that he DIDN’T use Sierra as character development to have him realize how creepy he was. And I’m guess I’m doing that here, tho I don’t quite agree with the statement that it was completely terrible writing. I hate to defend Fresh, but I find it very plausible that Cody would use Sierra as an excuse to defend his own actions. Oh I took pictures of Gwen sleeping? Well Sierra tickles my feet when I’m sleeping, so at least I’m not as bad as her.

Speaking of that comparison... I feel like that’s what the total drama fandom does with Cody. (Not specifically talking about the tumblr fandom, mostly the reddit fandom). When you bring up Cody’s misdeeds, it’s always “What about Sierra?” like bro 💀.

Also, I feel like there’s an element of ... racism to this. Not all from the audience, but also the writers. Cody is this small adorable white guy, and whenever he’s creepy we’re supposed to go “lmao pathetic,” and not take it seriously. But Sierra is this like... overgrown, super-strong black girl, with no table manners, out of touch with reality, sorta feral. Gets creepy music playing whenever she speaks. It feels... racist, like it rlly does. Add to it the fact that she’s basically “serving” Cody and doing whatever he wants, thinks he’s the ultimate human being that’s better than her. It’s just... really odd. I don’t know for sure how purposeful it was, but it’s rlly off in hindsight. That’s why in Ch.8 I made such a big deal about the annoying/aggressive cop. Not just because ACAB but also in a way to remark on Sierra’s own racist writing. Because it does bother me.

But back to Cody. In Ch.10 I played with the idea that he’s like... innocent. He’s not obviously, he just committed perjury. He has own motives and goals. But he’s better, he *looks* better. He looks like a defenseless young guy, a son. A little brother.

I always found it weird how Cody was written in Island. It’s like yeah he won’t leave this girl alone, yeah he keeps following her despite her requests, yeah he sniffs her hair randomly. But also he’s a really nice guy 🥺. And it’s not like I’m not doing the same in my fic, but I’m trying to take his actions a little more seriously.

I got into Total Drama when I was 20. Not when I was 13, not when I was a teenager. When I was 20 and had been on tumblr for years and had watched hour long video essays about misogny and the romanticization of stalking in media. So I always say Cody as kinda off, and I hate to say this but... Total Drama’s depiction of him definitely fits those videos. The joke is that Cody is rlly bad at flirting, that he’s pathetic. The focus is never on “wow that must be terrible for Gwen.” And this is so true, because at the end of Island when he does his heroic action and his quote unquote character development and sets up Gwen with Trent, he doesn’t apologize to Gwen. He never reflects on the fact that he was annoying and creepy. He just pats himself on the back for getting Trent and Gwen together.

And to my recollection, the way he got them together was ... letting Trent be on the boat with Gwen instead of him. Like wooow big sacrifice amirite? And even worse.. Trent would have been on that boat with Gwen from the BEGINNING if Cody hadn’t butted in. Literally his gift to Gwen is removing himself from her presence. Lmao. Like it was doing the thing he should have done since episode one. The normal thing. And I find it hard to be impressed, especially when it doesn’t feel like he changed as a Character. 

Think about what would have happened if Trent wasn’t there? If Gwen just didn’t have a crush on anybody. Like... would Cody have stopped? No. Because he never saw himself as in the wrong. Cody saw his problem as not being “the one,” not being “the annoying creepy one.”

Anyway. We see that in ch.10 - even though Noah repeatedly told Cody to back the fuck off, Cody is not doing that. Cody’s still stuck in the mindset of “if you don’t succeed, try try again!” And so uhh. He needs to stop that and this will be explored more in the coming arc.

This just turned into a Cody diss track... lol. I like Cody. I find him intriguing. But anyway, this is why I wrote the talk with Trent, the attempt at poetry to bring Noah back, the whole thing about him looking cute and harmless and like a “son.”

[lacrimosathedark]

Hamilton Inaccuracies/Corrections (because why not?)

Okay so, I saw a post on reddit that was like, “what’s some inaccuracies in Hamilton off the top of your head?” and I got a whole bunch...and then I had to double check to make sure if I was right...and I’m pretty long-winded...and  now I have this 5,000ish word monstrosity. And apparently you can only post 1000 characters at a time on reddit. Laaaaame. So here’s some Hamilton facts I’ve gathered in my brain. Since it was kinda off the top of my head despite being so long, it’s kinda vague in some places, so if anyone wants to expand on anything (or correct me if I oopsed somewhere) please do! Though nicely please.

Also I am also awful at citing things, but I know I learned some of this from @john-laurens and @ciceroprofacto so thank you.

LET’S BEGIN!

Act 1

Rachel Faucette was not a prostitute, but she was a “whore” in the sense that she did what she fucking wanted with her body. During her first marriage she may or may not have been sleeping around, but she refused to stay with John Lavien, her husband, anymore. So he had her arrested. And he could do that. Because patriarchy and theocracy. And she was essentially put in solitary confinement. You can see why she tried to leave, right? She tried to get their marriage annulled or get a divorce. I forget what the issue was but she couldn’t and eventually she just moved to another island where she met James Hamilton.

The intro song makes it seem like Alexander was an only child. He actually had an older brother, James Jr., but he kinda fucked off after their mother died, working and taking care of himself. They also had an older half-brother Peter Lavien, but I don’t think they really knew him other than as the son of their mother’s abusive ex who took everything from them when she died. John Lavien was able to do that because when Rachel was with James Hamilton, she had not been able to get legally divorced from him so she wasn’t really married to James Hamilton, so James Jr. and Alexander were illegitimate ie bastards. He was an asshole. I don't think Peter had anything against the Hamiltons, but I think he grew up to be a Loyalist so. He actually made some trouble in South Carolina for Henry Laurens, John's dad! But I think I read somewhere he also left money for Alex and James Jr. In his will, which is sweet.

This is more visual since it’s not specified in the song, but in the show, Hamilton’s cousin mimes hanging himself. Peter Lytton’s cause of death if I recall was inconclusive, but he was in his bed and there was a lot of blood. So, yeah, he didn’t hang himself.

Alexander did not punch the bursar. However he did return to Princeton later during the war and blew a canon through the school and apparently decapitated a painting of King George lololol. He was under orders, but yknow. Probably felt pretty good after he was rejected for accelerated courses. He wasn’t the only bastard rejected, though! Ben Franklin’s bastard son was too. The guy in charge of admissions, Witherspoon, hated bastards as a concept and Princeton was a very religious school at the time I believe.

It may have been the plan by Aaron and Esther Burr for Aaron Jr to graduate Princeton, but like, he couldn’t really be sure of that? He was like 2 years old when they died, and his older sister Sally was 4 I believe, maybe 5.

Hercules Mulligan met Alex in 1772. His older brother Hugh knew Alex’s old employer in St. Croix and helped him get to mainland America. Alex and Hercules lived together for a long while, and Hercules is actually who got him interested in the revolution.

John Laurens was in England in 1776. He wouldn’t meet Hamilton and Lafayette until he accepted his post as Washington’s aide-de-camp upon his return in August of 1777.

Lafayette couldn’t have met Hamilton before August 1777 because that’s when he met Washington, and he was appointed as a volunteer to the Continental Army only a week prior, and before that he had been in France. But Lafayette later declared their relationship to be like that of brothers, Alexander his closest connection in the states besides Washington.

Lafayette admired and absolutely adored Laurens and they were besties, but neither of them knew Mulligan. They may have met in passing, or heard about him from Hamilton, but nothing more.

“Lafayette” was actually a nickname based on his title of “Marquis de la Fayette”. In his autobiography, he wrote: “It’s not my fault I was baptized like a Spaniard, with the name of every conceivable saint who might offer me more protection in battle.” I’m glad he thought it was funny at least. His name is Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de la Fayette.

Hercules Mulligan is not known to fuck horses.

The Revolution had already sorta started. Actually, Hercules and Alexander had been part of local militias before 1776.

This is more of a miscommunication since the actors are close in age, though the lyrics try to get it across. There’s a reason Mulligan says he’s got the others “in loco parentis”. In 1776 Hamilton and Lafayette would have been 19, Laurens would have been 22, and Mulligan would have been 36.

I think we all know “Laurens, I like you a lot” does not cover the scope of their relationship but that’s rather self explanatory so unless someone asks I’ll leave it at that. And for other clarifications. But at the very least I’ll share this: Anyone who saw them knew they were like attached at the hip (without knowing how attached *winkwonk*) and you could almost always contact one through the other. Laurens was notoriously bad at answering letters, to Hamilton too (and Alex did bitch about it because he is insecure and needs love), but it became quickly known he got back to Hamilton fastest so people would be like “Tell Laurens I said hi!” or “Hey, I need to get these to Laurens, you send them to him.” Which is hilarious. I just imagine Alexander going, “Why me?”

While all of them are Revolutionaries, Laurens is the only one you could solidly call an abolitionist, and Mulligan’s even shaky on the manumission part. He was supposedly part of the Manumission Society Hamilton helped start, but Mulligan also personally owned slaves and was never known to have freed them (One helped him with spy shit. His name was Cato!). In fairness, Hamilton and Lafayette wholeheartedly agreed with Laurens, and Hamilton was the biggest supporter of his battalion plan, and both of them did try to continue working towards equality after the war, but it was never the top priority for either of them and their lives kinda went to hell, so it fell to the wayside. Lafayette actually did some nifty stuff worth looking at, and Hamilton might have tried to keep one of John Lauren’s freed men from Henry Laurens! But as slavery stuck around for a while, it clearly wasn’t anything significant.

Angelica would meet and befriend Thomas Jefferson in Europe, but she would never manage to convince him to put women in a sequel because he’s a huge misogynist and told her in multiple letters that politics isn’t for women and I think he deserves a shoe up his southern backside. Side note, it always bothered me that Lin played up the misogyny in the musical. I mean, yeah, all of them would be misogynists compared to us, but for their time, Hamilton wasn’t so bad. If there was anyone to play up misogyny with, it was Jefferson, because he would tell Angelica for years and years that politics could never make women happy, and that the women in France were foolish for trying etc.. Hamilton would actually discuss politics with Angelica frequently and openly. And there’s a proto-feminist in the cast that was never recognized—Aaron Burr! He respected Theodosia Sr. as an equal and she was his most valuable political ally, and he made sure Theodosia Jr. got the same education any boy of her time would have. He actually respected women to a decent degree. Not to say he wasn't as much of a ho as Hamilton cuz yeah that's accurate (but they were both disaster bisexuals more on Burr's sexuality later)

Farmer Refuted was an essay Hamilton wrote arguing against Samuel Seabury's posts. They weren't shouting in the public square(but Lin got the sass right. I love his face when Hamilton and Seabury are fighting over the podium). Seabury was also really really old, not young and cute like Thayne, hence the line about "mange". Blech.

General Montgomery didn’t take a bullet in the neck, it was a grapeshot from a canon in his head (and his thighs), but close enough I guess. Side note: Burr actually served a short interim on Washington’s staff, but only for like 10 days because they hated each other lolol.

Alexander didn’t bring Laurens, Mulligan, or Lafayette to Washington. Lafayette joined up with the Continental Army in 1777 and quickly convinced them he wasn’t like the other French nobles; he was a glory-seeking kid with a boner for America (for some reason???). Laurens was requested by Washington to join his military family and he arrived also in August 1777 just after Lafayette. Like previously stated, Mulligan was doing shit even before Hamilton did.

Alexander would not have been in charge of spy shit (though may have been somewhat involved). Washington had people like Mulligan for that, who actually saved Washington a few times. But also, the "King’s men who might let some things slide" was the tactic Mulligan used. He was actually very charming, and his wife was very high in British society and he was a skilled tailor, so they were thought of well among the redcoats, and he got a lot of information through chatting with his customers. He also could usually smooth-talk his way out of trouble. Actually, Mulligan blended in so well, when the war was over, people in the city wanted him out cuz they thought he was a Loyalist. So George fucking Washington paid him a visit and commissioned I think a coat from him, and that cleared that up. He got a LOT of business after that.

Alexander would not be Washington’s right hand man, or at least, not his only one if Lin was using that to mean aide-de-camp. In that case, Laurens would also be Washington’s right hand man, along with many men not named in the musical.

John Laurens may have been reliable with the ladies (comes with the territory of being hot, rich, and a perfect gentleman), but he most certainly didn’t want to be. His father noted, rather proudly at the time, that as a young teenager he expressed no interest in girls. John was also married by 1780, and at least Alexander knew. (he told John he'd found out in the well-known April 1779 letter. You know... “Cold in my professions...find me a wife...the length of my nose...” That one.) Because John apparently didn't tell people he was married. Laurens. Sweetheart. Get. Your. Shit. Together.

John also would not be at this ball. February 1779 to March 1780 he is fighting down south, and this ball was early 1780.

The tomcat thing may be half true. Martha Washington did supposedly name a cat Hamilton, but it was an affectionate thing. The slang tomcat meaning ho wasn’t a thing at that time, so it couldn’t be named to tease Alex for his promiscuity. I believe this was one of the many things John Adams made up to slander Hamilton.

Hamilton and Eliza had met before 1780. They had met once two years prior at a dinner her father had hosted. Also, Hamilton had been courting her friend Kitty Livingston, and his friend and fellow aide Tench Tilghman had been attempting to court Eliza, and they’d actually done at least one sort-of double date (which is adorable). So this shouldn’t have been the first time they’d seen each other. Could still be when they fell in love, though, since they started courting after this. Which is cute to think about.

Speaking of Tench and Eliza! I don't remember when this took place but Tilghman journaled it, he went out on something of a hike with a few ladies and they got to a cliff. Of course, he had to help the girls climb up. Except Eliza who started climbing by herself like a natural to the bewilderment and likely horror of the other ladies. Elizabeth Schuyler was a bamf okay?

Of course everyone knows by now, Angelica was married before Eliza. During the Winter’s Ball, she’d already eloped with Jack Carter aka John Barker Church and run away to Boston.

Their courtship was not that fast. Not like, weeks. More like months. Fun fact, Eliza is the only of the five (yes FIVE) Schuyler sisters who didn’t elope and actually got her parents permission! But here’s a heartbreaking fun fact: while Alex was courting Eliza, Laurens was taken prisoner and then on probation. He wasn’t allowed to leave the state of Pennsylvania. He was mentally in a very dark place. Alex kind of procrastinated telling Laurens about Eliza, didn’t say he was courting anyone until they were already engaged.

I can't leave this alone if I'm sad you have to be too. Alex was hella depressed during this time too. Of course he was a soldier so he couldn't see Eliza as much as he'd have liked. On top of that, he kept pushing for an exchange for John and kept getting rejected because they couldn't show preference for him. And then Laurens was sending him very few letters, of course, and the ones he did send were very depressed, even suicidal sounding. He had to work while dealing with that. He had to keep begging Eliza to write to him to be reassured that she still liked him.

No one could show up for Hamilton for the wedding. Some sources say fellow aide James McHenry showed up, but he’s the only one. Alexander even invited his deadbeat dad, offered to pay all his travel expenses and everything, guess how that turned out. So Eliza’s side of the hall was packed and his was empty. God, can you imagine how sad that is?

Another heartbreaking fun fact! John Laurens was out of probation and could have made it to the wedding, was invited (Hamilton, I kid you not, jokingly invited him to a threesome with his new wife in a letter: “I wish you were at liberty to transgress the bounds of Pensylvania. I would invite you after the fall to Albany to be witness to the final consummation.” (emphasis is original to Hamilton. As is the misspelling of Pennsylvania. Yes, seriously.)) and John did not go. Instead he went back to work trying to talk his way out of getting sent as an envoy to France and suggesting Alexander to take his place. You know. His boyfriend who just got married. Sure, he was right that Hamilton was better equipped for the job, but yknow. Another fun fact, one of the guys who voted for John to be the one to go to France was John’s ex-boyfriend Francis Kinloch. Who was a turncoat, and had been a royalist when he and Laurens split. How’s that for some twisty bullshit.

Sorry, this one isn’t about the musical, it’s a tangent, I just got excited about that quote. Both that style of innuendo and the misspelling of Pennsylvania are consistent in Hamilton’s writing. Listening to john-lauren’s podcast about the April 1779 letter can really help you understand how Hammy uses innuendo but also I just love listening to it it’s insightful and hilarious and I love John Laurens but y u do this and my heart hurts for Hamilton but he is also a ho but aNYWAY. As for Pensylvania...well, he kinda made that mistake on an important document. ...It’s The Constitution. He misspelled Pennsylvania on The Constitution. No big deal. Not like something that could haunt his legacy forever. Oh my god I’m so sorry.

Philip Schuyler did have sons. Five in fact. Two of them died pretty young though I think, considering there are three kids in a row named John Bradstreet Schuyler. The other two were named Philip Jeremiah and Rensselaer.

Laurens, Lafayette, and Mulligan were all married before Hamilton. Hercules Mulligan married Elizabeth Sanders in 1773. Lafayette married his beloved Adrienne in 1774. John Laurens was regretfully obliged to marry Martha Manning in 1776.

Sigh. Again with the misogyny. Anyway, I wanted to comment on the marriage as a loss of freedom. From what I can tell, Elizabeth helped Hercules with his spy work at home. John was literally fighting a war across the ocean from his wife, and probably having an illegal affair with Alexander (though to be fair to him, he was kind of running away from Martha because he didn't marry her for love, gosh, there are no winners here). Lafayette absolutely adored his wife but still was also fighting a war an ocean away, and had multiple affairs, at least one with his wife’s blessing. So yeah, losing your freedom with marriage? Bullshit.

Despite where it is in the musical and Eliza singing the beginning, Stay Alive is roughly about Valley Forge, which would be December of 1777 through June of 78. So before the ball and wedding. (Fun fact! A lot of people theorize Valley Forge as when Hamilton and Laurens’ relationship may have escalated into romantic and/or sexual territory. They may have had more privacy, as small temporary buildings were being made to better withstand the cold, and Hamilton was sick a lot during that time and did need tending a lot. West Indian boi did not like Northern winter.) But yeah, Congress being stupid and the army resorting to eating their horses sometimes and not being able to buy food and equipment? All true. It was a real bad winter.

Mulligan wouldn’t have to go back to New York, he never would have left. He remained there as a tailor and a spy throughout the war. He wouldn’t have been traveling with Washington.

Hamilton and Laurens didn't write essays so much as start working out John's battalion plan and writing letters trying to push for it.

This duel happened in 1778, so like. This timeline is so fucky.

Stay Alive makes it seem like Hamilton was the one who wanted to duel Lee, but it was 100% Laurens from the start. The off-Broadway version demonstrates it a bit better. Hamilton was Lauren's second to save his ass. Hamilton had a rough relationship with Washington, but Laurens admired him greatly and would have willingly defended his commander’s honor. John was a Good Boy who always bowed his head to his asshole father, even at first for his battalion plan, but John wouldn’t let even his father talk shit about Washington. Fun fact about this duel, Alex and John were late to the duel because they “got lost in the woods”. Oooookay. Suuuuuuure. And Baron von Steuben was straight. (Fact: Steuben was very gay and pretty much pushed out of Europe for it. And he actually also had challenged Lee! They talked things out before this.)

Aaron Burr was not Charles Lee’s second. His second was a Major Evan Edwards. Lin wanted a parallel with the final duel. To be fair, that was a really cool way to do it and I like it better that way.

Alexander Hamilton could NOT agree that duels are dumb and immature. He was in 10 duel challenges as a participant in his lifetime, 9 of which he was the challenger. One time he challenged two people at once. One time he challenged an entire politcal party apparently. No, I am not kidding. He had a bad day. And I think you know the one time he wasn’t the challenger.

Lee did not yield on the first shot, nor was Laurens satisfied. Lee was pretty much like, “It’s just a flesh wound!” and wanted to go another round and Laurens agreed, but Hamilton and Edwards managed to talk them down. Yes he was shot in the side. But that wasn’t all because Laurens absolutely roasted Lee at his court martial. 

Lee: Were you ever in an action before?

Laurens: I have been in several actions; I did not call that an action, as there was no action previous to the retreat. 

I love this man. So much. The sass of this man.

We don’t know if Washington was angry about the duel with Lee. We do know that Laurens, and probably Hamilton, had Christmas dinner with him two days later. When Hamilton left, it was because Washington had snapped over a misunderstanding (caused by Lafayette actually, and he really tried to make it better because Lafayette is a sweetheart), and then continued to deny Hamilton the command he requested, and he resigned. It was entirely unrelated to the duel and Laurens. However, the daddy issues are real.

I don’t know if Lafayette went to France for more funds and came back with more guns, but Laurens certainly did! Ben Franklin told him to chill, but he actually got super impatient and ended up supposedly disrespecting and maybe kinda threatening the court, demanding what he needed, and walking out. They were were kind of shocked and impressed into giving more than had been requested. Any existing deities bless John Laurens. I love him.

Lafayette actually nominated his own aide to lead the charge and Hamilton appealed for himself and Washington finally gave in to Hamilton.

Laurens was not in South Carolina. When he finally got back from France, he was sent to Yorktown. He actually was commanding the group Alexander led. (Power couple lol) He also helped with negotiations after the battle. Also, supposedly making the British play ‘The World Turned Upside Down’ on their way out was Laurens’ idea because boy is made of sass and spite.

Henry Laurens would not have sent a letter to Hamilton about John’s death. Even if he would have, he couldn’t. At that time, he’d been locked up in the Tower of London as a prisoner. We have no idea when or how Alexander found out, or who might have told him. We know he wrote to Nathanael Greene on October 25 and Lafayette on November 3 (literally 2 months after Laurens' death), and the mentions of Laurens were very short. It’s thought that he really couldn’t talk about Laurens. People have compared it to the stories of how Benjamin Tallmadge apparently couldn’t hear Nathan Hale’s name without crying.

After Yorktown Alexander resigned and John went down south to flush British troops out of the southern states. His group was ambushed at Combahee River and he decided to charge instead of wait for backup and he died. Many people think it was a combination of his usual recklessness, suicidality, and glory-seeking mixed with a desperation with the war coming to an end. It was such a small skirmish. He deserved better. He left his daughter, Frances, whom he had never met, orphaned, as her mother had died months earlier from sickness. She was adopted by John’s oldest younger sister, also coincidentally Martha Laurens (though married was Martha Laurens Ramsay).

The Levi Weeks case was years later than that, in 1800, though it was alongside Burr. Hamilton actually lost his first trial as a defense lawyer and was not with Burr.

The whole conversation where Hamilton proposes Burr help him write the Federalist Papers is fake. Lin made that up entirely.

John Church’s wealth kinda...varies. He was a gambler. At first, he was actually in quite a bit of debt. He did make it big eventually and he and Angelica moved to Europe. He really didn’t seem to be a lot of fun to most people, but Angelica eloped with him. She chose him against her father’s wishes. I don’t get why Lin kept writing lines saying she didn’t love him, at least at first. He also does this in the cut song Congratulations where she says “I languished in a loveless marriage” bish you eloped wat She also lived as a socialite and was adored by anyone who met her apparently, so like???? da fuq Lin. Didja really do Laurens dirty for these lies or at the very least uncertanties? Could you not prop up that romance without making her say she hates her husband?

Act 2

More of a personality miscommunication. Irl Thomas Jefferson was shy, quiet, and hypersensitive, nothing like how Daveed plays him. If you knew a guy like the real Jefferson in real life you might be endeared to him out of pity or because he seems sweet, but in the short time of a musical that would immediately be read as cold and unlikable. So the best way to portray “this guy is a likable asshole” is to make him loud and made of sass which is what Daveed does magnificently. So, not at all accurate to real Jefferson, but gets the concept of him across.

Thomas was not off getting high with the French. Probably. He was making negotiations for the Revolution. And abusing Sally Hemings (his, at the time, 14 year old slave, who was also his sister-in-law, and 30 years his junior, and was brought along to entertain his daughter). And actually probably chatting up with Angelica!

By the time Philip was 9, he had two sisters, Angelica (7) and his foster/adopted sister Frances Antill (6), but he also had two brothers already, Alexander Jr. (5) and James Alexander (3), with maybe another one on the way since William Stephen would be born next year.

The whole comma thing is backwards. It was Angelica who made the initial mistake. Hamilton pointedly and flirtatiously teased her about it before closing it with “Adieu ma chere, soeur” French for “Goodbye my dear, sister”. So it’s more playful and less lovey dovey in context, so the tone is all wrong. It’s not romantic, it’s teasing and snarky.

Say No To This feels like it’s over quick. The affair lasted a year, not just the summer Eliza was away.

Clermont Street wasn’t renamed until many years later.

I don’t know that Alex has always considered Burr a friend. Irl they weren’t as close, and Hamilton was keenly aware of how slimy Burr could be.

Lafayette was NOT fine. He was imprisoned a lot during the French Revolution, the poor man, and many members of his wife’s family were killed. HOWEVER! Hamilton was not just sitting by. Angelica and her husband did make an attempt to rescue Lafayette, and the Hamiltons fostered Lafayette’s son Georges Washington Lafayette (yes that was his actual name). So Hamilton also did not forget Lafayette.

Not all his defendants got acquitted, obviously. Stop being cocky, Ham.

People comment on how Jefferson whines about Hamilton’s fashion sense while literally dressed in violet velvet. The original plan was to have him in browns, but Daveed is just such a friggin star that they just had to give him something brighter and decided to go with a Prince-inspired look. Originally the browns were going to be representative of his supposed representation of farmers. Though note here: Jefferson’s agricultural representation is much the same as modern Republicans’ rural representation. More for show.

Actually, let's get political for a sec. I've done some research in my hyperfixation and in searches for Hamilton shiz I've ended up stumbling into far-right nonsense and I know how to recognize the degrees of nonsense from years of actually paying attention to it now because this is what I do apparently. Which is weird, right? Lin kinda portrays him like a lefty. Well, here's the thing. Any proud historically educated Republican will tell you that their roots are in the Federalist Party. Which is technically true. What they will neglect to mention is the flip between parties that happened when the Republicans decided to use southerners racism to their advantage in elections. Being subtly racist can get the racists and the non-racists on your side! Yeah, it's gross. Federalists are more like Democrats. The corporatists. They clearly care more about companies and Wall Street, but they put actual action into social progress on rare occasion. Democratic-Republicans are like Republicans, conservatives who don't want social change and rail against it and pretend they aren't for corporate interests while being just as bad as the other guys. But Republicans have a tendency to rewrite history to paint themselves as the good guys, or reclaim things that aren't theirs as their own. Just look at the Civil War! Or...literally just...America I guess. Yikes. But yeah, here's your warning. Don't just go looking at and trusting things labelled Federalist. It likely won't be friendly.

John Adams didn’t fire Hamilton, Hamilton left. Eventually. And this is not the only time this kind of verbal confrontation happens, and not the one that destroys the Federalist Party. That actually happens after the Reynolds Pamphlet. But John Adams hates Alexander Hamilton with the burning passion of a thousand suns and really kinda earns this.

I’m not sure if he specifically called Alex a Creole bastard but I wouldn’t be surprised, there were other similar racist and bastard-related insults. You know the tomcat thing mentioned above. He started the rumor of the affair with Angelica. He accused him of being a rake (male version of whore at the time). He also may have behind closed doors accused him of being a sodomite. His (probably gay) son Charles helped with that one, bringing back rumors from a dinner he had with Hamilton (who he was working for) and John Church because Church joked about Alex being fond of a guy. Adams probably thought working for Hamilton was what made his son gay and alcoholic (Charles was an alcoholic and may have died in part because of that; Hamilton was not an alcoholic, but he supposedly could not hold his drink. He was smol).

Jefferson, Madison, and Burr didn’t accuse Hamilton of speculation. It was James Monroe, Abraham Venable, and Frederick Muhlenberg. Lin wanted to keep consistent representation of the Democratic-Republican party. But anyway, the whole thing went to hell because Monroe sent the letters to Jefferson (or I’ve also heard Monroe gave them to Madison who sent them to Jefferson) who, the spiteful gangly fucker, started spreading rumors because fuck Hamilton, amirite? Hamilton challenged Monroe to a duel over that. And who stopped this duel? Aaron Burr. He gets to be the good guy now and then.

It wasn’t just total strangers that got Alex off the island. He was sponsored by his cousin Ann Lytton and his teacher Reverend Hugh Knox. Also, he was kind of expected to get an education and come back and help out the island...guess what he never did. Oops.

This one I may be wrong, but I’m pretty sure. I think Eliza was upstate with her family when the Reynolds Pamphlet was released, away from Alex. I also know she had recently given birth to their son, William Stephen. A lot of people think Alexander had been keeping that in mind. Eliza had had a miscarriage once before, when she was under a lot of stress and alone and with the kids and he had to be away (Whiskey Rebellion), so some people think he made sure she was surrounded by her family and waited until the child was born to drop this on her, and gave her distance from him if she needed it. At least he knew he fucked up, and he really did love her.

Those weren’t Alexander’s guns. They belonged to John Church.

It was quite some time between Philip’s challenge and the actual duel.

Another age miscommunication; Eacker was 27ish and Philip was 19 when the duel happened. There was a whole 8 years between them! 

Eacker didn’t shoot early. Actually, both of them stood staring at each other for a really long time doing nothing. But Philip went to make a move and Eacker shot him.

Alex and Eliza had made up from the Reynolds Pamphlet bullshit before Philip died. When he passed, Eliza was already pregnant with the son they would also name Philip in honor of his older brother.

Hamilton wasn’t really the deciding factor in the election of 1800. But he did say that about Burr and it did help swing the vote somewhat. But also, this was before Philip died. Philip died in 1801.

If a vote is that close, you can’t win in a landslide??? That’s not how words work???? Mister Miranda????? You are a writer??????? Sir???????

Burr actually held a term as Jefferson’s Vice President.

The Burr vs Hamilton Duel was in 1804 and was actually about another election and other things Hamilton was saying about him. Burr was running to be governor of New York and lost but heard about Alexander telling people the things he listed Alexander saying in Your Obedient Servant.

Thayne should not have played Alexander’s doctor. Sydney should have played Alexander’s doctor. Do you know why? Philip and Alexander had the same doctor when they died. Alexander took that doctor with him to the duel. His name was David Hosack.

While there’s evidence to suggest Burr experienced immediate regret (he stepped forward as if wanting to see if Hamilton was okay and supposedly asked after him and wished him well before Alexander passed) in the years that followed, until he was on his death bed, he expressed nothing but neutrality or even pride for having shot Hamilton. The ‘the world was wide enough’ comment could plausibly be entirely made up, and even if it were true, it was supposedly said toward the end of Burr’s life. Burr's life was quite a ride after Alex. He tried to make like his own empire out of Texas, and then of course was tried for treason, but he got out of that, but then everyone hated him for that ON TOP OF already hating him for killing Hamilton, so he had some crazy journey around Europe for a while. He kept a journal, writing entries like letters to Theo. The most notable things I think he writes he'd "been amused for an hour with a very handsome young Dane. Don't smile. It is a male!" which implies maybe Theodosia knew her dad was bi and was at least amused by it? And he spent a while living with Jeremy Bentham, who is generally accepted to have been gay (if you want more Burr gayness look into Jonathan Bellamy and Robert Troup. Troup knew Hamilton too!). Unrelated to his sexuality but I find it important, Burr spent, in modern cash, $40 on a coconut, in his own words, "like an ass." He returned to America eventually. I dont remember if it was before or after his foreign adventures, but his beloved grandson (also named Aaron Burr) died, and then not long after, Theodosia was lost at sea on her way to visit her dad. No one knows what happened to her. It's so sad. Anyway he married a wealthy widow named Eliza, spent all her money on charity, and died the day their divorce was finalized. And Eliza Jumel's divorce lawyer was Alexander Hamilton Jr..

Poor Eliza couldn’t go through all of her husband’s papers. Her son, John Church Hamilton, finished the work for her when she no longer could and put together the biography that inspired Chernow’s that inspired Lin’s musical. (He named a son Alexander and a daughter Elizabeth. He even named one of his sons Laurens! Aw.) And we have come full circle.

The End :33

There’s probably more but that’s what I’ve got. Thanks for reading!

[stories-about-cheating-women]

Reddit gf leaves dead bedroom

Going to write this while it’s still etched in my mind, just gonna be straight up honest here. I’m writing this for masturbation material so it’s gonna be pretty explicit. Fair warning, this is long.

Small bit of context. Boyfriend has low test levels. Refused for nearly 5 years to change it, I haven’t had an orgasm in two years and after getting desperate I asked if I could see other men. Matched with this guy on bumble and met up with him a few times, got a small crush on him and I wanted him to have sex with me badly so as soon as we swapped STD test results we went for it. In short.

It was incredible. Like it was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had and by far my best sexual experience.

Before getting into this I talked to the bumble guy and told him my situation so he’s aware, he told me tonight he knows I’ve only had sex with one man and I’m in a serious relationship etc and if I want to back out or just watch a movie we can do that. I said no, I was determined to follow through. I was actually a little offended that he was talking to me like I was innocent so I began to feel up his crotch and I straddled him.

We went at it for a few minutes before he put his hands on my ass and picked me up, taking me in his arms and walking me to the bedroom. I loved it, I felt like a princess as he held me, it was borderline romantic. He put me down on the bed and began to stroke my thighs as we made out further, it wasn’t long until we were both wearing nothing but our underwear. He ran his fingers gently over my boobs and grinned, I pushed his hands off playfully and told him to take his pants off. He was quick to comply.

Now I’d seen photos of his dick before but seeing it in person was something else, it was very, VERY intimidating to say the least. He said he’s a bit over 8 inches and that’s certainly believable, his thickness was what scared me the most, he was almost as thick as my wrist. He looked at me quizzically so I quickly took my bra off and crawled over the mattress towards him. Hopefully I didn’t appear to be too awkward as I started to jack him off, my boyfriend is about 5 inches so that’s what I’m primarily used to and working with a penis this size was a real process. This guy was also uncut so that was another new toolset I had to work with.

I put my mouth over his dick and slowly began to blow him. I don’t think I did a great job as I was out of practice, nervous and I wasn’t used to deal with one that thick but he seemed to enjoy himself regardless. I couldn’t get it very far down but I kept flicking my tongue on the tip while slowly moving up and down until I had about half of it in my mouth and judging by his moans, it was much appreciated.

After about 5 minutes of that he put his hands on my face, kissed me and moved my body so I was on my back looking up at him. He looked at me questioningly and I nodded as he began to pull my panties down my legs and removed them from my body. He smiled at me reassuringly before gently slipping a finger inside me, by this point I was very wet and knew I could take more so I told him as much. He put two fingers in then three, he started to move his fingers around and I just weakly smiled and closed my eyes as I took in the feeling. He continued with that for a few minutes, stretching me out with his finger to prepare me. After a while I heard him open a plastic container, he began to coat his hands in lube. The aching feeling I had when I felt the coldness of the lube on his fingers enter me was indescribable, my mouth was actually watering as he worked away to coat my insides with it. Once he pulled his hands from me and began to apply lube to himself, that’s when I really started to get nervous, the reality of the situation finally hitting me. I was about to let a man I’d known for a few weeks fuck me. I was honestly pretty tempted to back down but I couldn’t find the words, I stayed quiet and he got back on the bed and positioned himself over me. I brushed my thoughts aside and began to make out with him again.

As we were kissing I began to feel tugging feeling on my clit, his hands were still all over my hips feeling me up so I realised that had to be his dick pressed against my crotch. It felt so wrong but so good too, I felt like I was doing something wrong and it was a huge turn on.

After a few minutes of kissing and groping he pulled away, I smiled and shakily said I was ready. He kissed me softly once more before putting a hand on his penis and pushing it inside me. I don’t know why but I shivered slightly when he entered me, I wasn’t cold at all but it just happened. He started slow, barely putting the tip in to gauge how I’d react, I smiled and he pushed a bit more before stopping, after that I lost patience, wrapped my hands round his neck and pulled his face to mine, driving his dick into me in the process. He pushed a little more and I felt my vagina stretch to accommodate him, he was fully in, as far as he could go. I had a mini panic attack and took several deep breaths as I adjusted. Having him in me was quite the experience. It was... tight, not painful thankfully but very tight. I panicked a little but he pressed a hand gently over my mouth before I could say anything and told me just to be still for a couple of minutes. We did that and it was surprisingly intimate. We didn’t kiss, we just looked each other in the eye as his dick sat motionless inside me.

After what felt like forever but was probably only a few minutes he looked at me with a cute little smile and asked me if I was okay, I sorta nodded and he asked me again more assertively and I told him I was. He called me a “good girl” which drove me nuts for some reasons, he began to slowly move out, the head of his penis stopped right at the entrance to my vagina, we smirked at each other for a moment before he pushed himself back inside me with a sigh.

As he thrusted into me gently I stretched my arm down the length of our bodies and began to softly stroke his balls as he began to pick up the pace, it felt incredible. Before long I lost my focus and just gave into the moment, wrapping my legs around him as I did my best to just hold on. I’m pretty awkward with noises so I usually try and stay quiet beyond some soft moaning but with this I was pretty much panting as he worked on me. It felt incredible. I enjoy sex but I’m usually more of an oral kinda girl but this was just so much better. I don’t know if it was due to his size or the length of time since I’d last gotten laid but I felt everything so much more here. It was quite literally orgasmic.

He also kept deliberately making his dick twitch while it was in me and oh my god it feels so good, it’s only a minor physical sensation but there was something so nice about it that just sets me off and really gets me going.

Now as I said, I’m not much of a moaner but the warmth, sensation and the moment got to me. I wasn’t conscious, not really, I was just there as he was laying into me. I made noises I never knew I could make without trying to make them. I think I even giggled at one point, there wasn’t anything funny going on I was just so high on emotions and lost control of my inhibitions and let loose.

Soon enough I felt a warmth began to fester in my feet before working its way up my legs, I giggled slightly and shivered again as I had my first orgasm of the night. It was lovely, in that moment I felt so close to him and honestly it’s the happiest I’ve felt in a good while, it was very liberating to just be there with another person so close to me and feel that good.

The emotions definitely were there as I actually started to cry after cumming. I think it was a mixture of pleasure and feeling overwhelmed. I’d never kissed another man let alone this and I felt guilty that had just orgasmed to another man thrusting inside me. I kept thinking about my boyfriend and how he would feel if he knew about this, I know I had his permission but still it was a lot to process. I’d always assumed we’d be happily married by now, not him being at home and me being in a strange man’s bed. Life’s weird. The worst part was as guilty as I felt my priority was still what I had in front of me and the event at hand, I’d come here for sex and that’s what I needed.

He told me we could stop if I wanted to but I just shook my head and asked him if we could please continue. He wiped some tears from my cheek and started to kiss me passionately, cuddling me as he pressed his weight onto me, pushing me down into the mattress. I just pressed my face to his neck and closed my eyes as I felt his dick begin to move about inside of me once more. What followed next was the longest orgasm I’ve ever experienced. I don’t know how long it was exactly but it was damn close to 10 minutes of fairly consistent pleasure. It was honestly so good I thought I might faint. It was blissful.

Before long my sighs were met with his, his pace intensified and lost its tempo as he got more wild and he began to pretty much thrash about inside me, he was literally pounding me me so hard he had to hold my shoulders to stop me from hitting my head against the backboard. He growled slightly in my ear as he came inside me, it felt great. His cock kept twitching uncontrollably and I fucking loved it. To me having a guy cum inside you is one of the highest praises you can get.

Afterwards he went out to pick us up some food, when he got back we ate and chatted before deciding to go for another round. This time I rode him on the couch until we both came. I’m no longer intimidated by his size, I definitely couldn’t take it without being warmed up but I now know I can take it and at quite a pace. I’m actually quite proud of myself for taking such a big dick without much struggle, definitely underestimated myself on that front.

It’s been a few hours since our last session and surprisingly, I’m not too sore, there wasn’t any blood and other than a little discomfort early on I was fine. I have quite a deep vagina and I practised with toys around his size beforehand so I was pretty well prepared for it. He’s asleep right now and I’m just in his bed watching Netflix with subtitles on, hopefully we can go another round or two in the morning before I go home.

This has definitely been a fun short term things and I definitely plan on doing this again. Long term I really don’t know what I want, I just know I can’t stay in a sexless relationship anymore. I talked with this guy about all of this and he’s obviously willing to fuck me as much as I want him too so I can at least get laid but the reality is I’m not happy in my relationship. I thought I was but I’m just not. I love my boyfriend so much but just from doing this I developed a connection with this guy that I haven’t had with my boyfriend in literal years. He’s not willing to put in any effort for our sex life so it’s just become my sex life and I have to do what I need to do.

Anyway, that’s my confession I guess Feel free to PM me if you want to chat! Just don’t be too weird please.

[partyinthemysterymachine]

Do you have music headcanons for silent hill protagonists?

I feel like Harry Mason likes 50’ -70’ songs, specially jazz and blues (maybe he likes Sinatra idk) while James likes Reddit sad man music, there’s no way this dude doesn’t like at least one Radiohead song.

I don’t have more headcanons </3

i'm actually straight up cackling, my hc are the OPPOSITE! (well, sorta.)

i've tagged James to like a lot of oldies with a cutoff of maybe around mid-80s? he can be a liiiiittle bit of a "new music is trash >:(" kind of person. Frank influenced his music tastes a lot, always had the oldies station on in the car, would turn it on at home, and well, all the vinyls at home, too.

For Reasons*, James has a particular fondness for Sherry Baby by Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons ( https://youtu.be/Uybtn6ebG0I ) (SORRY, THE NEW TUMBLR POST MECHANIC DOESN'T LET ME PROPERLY FUCKIN ADD LINKS TO TEXT DGLKDGFLKFGLKG), and is just a Four Seasons fan in general; as well as The Ink Spots, Billy Joel, Carole King, Linda Ronstadt, The Carpenters, The Beach Boys, Four Tops, Otis Redding, big band stuff, Marvin Gaye, Aretha Franklin, The Eagles (sorta), Frank Sinatra (to an extent, he liked The Rat Pack stuff better), Nat King Cole, The Beatles (it’s complicated), Bobby Darin, a smattering of other crooners and types of artists, etc etc…….

.. but he’s not much a fan of Barry White LOL. (sorry Mary :\ ) he really doesn’t like baritone or bass voices in general, though. he finds them eerie. (loser’s missing out tbh) tho i think too you're right about jazz! he's just..... kinda picky about what kind, i think. dude's pretty picky :\ i also think blues are a hit or miss with him. now, HARRY..

Harry is also an oldies appreciator, can appreciate the blues quite a bit, and his music tastes can goes way back and all OVER the place! he and James share a few favorite artists, but uh……. our boy Harry here likes to rock the fuck out!! LOL

Harry’s been a HUGE fan of Rancid since he started listening to them probably around 1995?? big fan of jam bands too, including Counting Crows (yeah) and CBDB! other artists he likes are Neil Diamond, Jonathan Coulton, The Grateful Dead, Meat Loaf, Brown Bird, Tom Rosenthal, Selena (it’s complicated……), Cyndi Lauper, Scorpions, Celine Dion (it’s complicated), Stealers Wheel, Seals and Crofts (it’s complicated), Jimi Hendrix, Jim Croce, Electric Light Orchestra, 16 Horsepower, Dio, Motley Crue, Motorhead, Fleetwood Mac, Cher, Sonny & Cher..

.. among others! he likes some Motown (and honestly, James does too!! Motown fucks) and a few Spanish artists, like Gloria Estefan, Celia Cruz, Mercedes Sosa, Antonio Aguilar.. aaaand some others he can’t name. (thanks, Jodi and family!)

quite a few artists are Complicated Relationships for various reasons (such as Jodi..) and others, eh.. Life Experiences.

Harry IS a car-jammer and lip sync-er. catch that fuckin weirdo drumming the steering wheel and air guitaring. catch Heather trying to jimmy the child lock on the door and leap out into traffic

Harry actually really loves karaoke as well! .. watching more than singing. you’d have to get him a liiiiiittle blitzed to encourage him to get up there. there’s a 70/30 chance he’d just want to sing something completely stupid tho, like Re: Your Brains by Jonathan Coulton. ( https://youtu.be/IIlITc1nkk8 ) his singing voice/style is awfully fucking cute of him; i sure will say that….. (because idiot writing brain might not like me giving some fine details away to the general public yet.. 

.. and if you know, then you know, and SSSHHHHHHH.)

it has to be said, tho: for as extroverted as this man is, and how much everyone - as well as he - jokes that he should’ve been an actor, he the MASSIVE amounts of stage fright can really hold a person back….. and besides. it would’ve disrupted the timeline; he’d’ve just been so good, he’d’ve put Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise; hell, even Georgie Clooney! out of work.. ssssssoooooooo he was just being courteous. that’s all. .. yeah.

JAMES and karaoke, tho….. heahsdfhehrhghdgh IT’S COMPLICATED DON’T FUCKING LOOK AT HIM [drives into a large body of water]

i think he had a wee little fantasy about being in a barbershop quartet :| that’s what growing up on oldies/big bands/crooners will do to a person. it’s unknown if he can sing, or much less understand how to keep a beat. it wasn’t anything big enough to actually want to pursue, per say.. just one of those types of little daydreams :)

i’m actually working on playlists for them!! they’re intended to be their “mixtapes” - what you’d typically find them listening to in the car. i’d actually kind of forgotten about them until this ask……….. ahah oops…. well shit i’ll just have to get back to it huh??

thank you so much for the ask!!!! :)!!! that was such a sweet little morning surprise, bless, hope u have a good one and stay healthy and safe!! xoxo 💖🙏🥚🥚💖🥚💖🥚

*GOOMT

[thejudgingtrash]

would you class percy as a morally grey character? i’m really interested to hear your input

Anon 2: Would u class percy as an Morally Gray character?

Hey there! Let me write that essay for you about morally gray Percy ^^

It’s not about whether Percy is a morally gray character or not, it’s about he has to be otherwise the story doesn’t make any sense. At least for me it wouldn’t.

Ashley (@gr33kg0ds) said in the tags of my dark!Percy post something along the line of people diminishing Percy’s character because they need him to be pure and fluffy and I wholeheartedly agree with that!

Just because Percy’s twelve doesn’t mean he’s pure and didn’t do unproblematic things. I’ll mostly refer to The Lightning Thief because that book is the Magnus Opus for Riordan and perfectly stands for Percy as a morally gray character from the very beginning of the saga. (Also the only book I’ve recently re-read)

As much as I love fanon with all the amazing artworks, debates, memes and jokes, analysis, cool edits and wonderful fanfics, projecting your version of Percy doesn’t make the image in your head real. Percy in canon is not the fun and fluffy boy you imagine him to be or which social media sites (Reddit, Twitter, Instagram and yes, also Tumblr) tend to make him to be. He’s a scrawny little sarcastic twerp that was the unpopular kid. He isn’t that cringy dude Tony Lopez doing that fucking weird TikTok dance (side note: I don’t even know who this person is and I don't care, I saw the video and immediately wanted to delete every social media app on my phone, so thanks Tony?), kissing his Yeezys goodnight, vibing to our lord and gay icon Taylord “T. Swizzle” Swift song and flexing them iPhone 11 Max Pros. Percy literally said that going to Burger King with his mother once in a while would be considered a luxury. He’s a poor bastard in literal sense.

Part of the problem with the distinction of Percy’s character and his motives stem from the fact that Percy is a sneaky unreliable narrator and we as the audience (especially if you’re younger) don’t question most of his behavior if you even question some (pretty sure that most of us only picked up weird stuff as adults). Everything seems plausible to you. But does it mean that his behavior is necessarily good? Something that would paint his character as good?

Like I’ve said, let’s take a look at TLT. The very beginning of everything and the wonderful line that gets quoted everywhere: “Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood”. 

The very first line that quoted everywhere or used as in moodboard and edits but its meaning and significance get brushed off for the most part. It immediately sets the tone and the atmosphere for the book and for Percy as a character. A(n in my opinion) morally gray character. The very first thing we hear from Percy is that he doesn’t want to be in this world. He’s an involuntary participant who has been (upon further reading) blackmailed and forced into this world and is only cooperating to get his mother back and said in regards to his father (who also stands for the Greek pantheon) ”well yeah, would be nice to know about my dad but I’ve survived without him the past twelve years so I don’t know, he wouldn’t be missed necessarily I guess?“ That pretty much tells you, it foreshadows, that we will be dealing with someone with grit, someone that fights back, someone that went through shit, someone that isn’t a goody two-shoed character. Does it mean he’s a terrible (in the sense of evil or bad) character from the get go? Not really, but it tells you in nuances that he won’t be the white shining knight you might expect from a fairy tale.

There is so much that little Perseus Jackson has to offer you directly in the first book. So much that paints him as a morally gray character. From the illegal candy stash all the way to tricking Procrustes into his own trap. He knows right from wrong and isn’t innocent by any means. He wants you to think he’s innocent. Yes, he hunts monsters and the book also tells you that some adults (Gabe) can also be monsters, but Percy’s personality is so interesting and full of facets which I love! He’s misleading you on purpose. Deflects, plays events down. He lies in front of you to others but you don’t really doubt it. Instead of questioning it, you understand it.

What distinguishes Percy from other male protagonists in that notion that the author doesn’t try to paint him as particularly good (the reader connects the dots, in reality) is pretty much that. Percy is neither inherently good or bad. He’s in the middle. He does lots of questionable things and his personality adds to it. Something that immediately comes to my mind is his lack of fear of consequences. He thinks in the short term and not in the long term. Of course, he’s caring about those that are close and important to him (Grover, Annabeth and his mother of course. And well. The world not getting destroyed by his weird father and fucking crazy uncle would be a plus). But Percy isn’t really a strategist (yet). Look at the Medusa head thingy. Annabeth and Grover warn him, that he’s gonna get his ass beat and he doesn’t care. That these gods could squish him in the end didn’t matter to him.

The Olympian gods are painted as these unpenetrable huge mighty force and some fuzzy annoyed twelve year old dipshit sends them the severed head of a monster - but not any monster, the monster his father had a role in creating (well, Athena for the most part, but you know what I mean). (Also, I know this kinda reckless behavior gets sorta rewarded but at first, everyone was like ‘NO, NO, NO!’ before Percy was glorious with his attempt). Percy essentially tells these ancient forces that drive the way of his new cosmos how shit‘s gonna work from now on.

Percy isn’t fear riddled and doesn’t think about the possible outcome. He manipulates, he lies, he persuades and all of this as soon as he hits twelve. But probably earlier. Pretty sure he had to become a believable lier in order to trick (survive being around) Gabe. Perseus is angry, he’s agitated. Had Riordan written Percy as a soft spoken, frightened, goody two-shoed kid, almost nothing in TLT and the follow-ups would have made sense. He’s the outcast, but slowly blossoms into the strength and muscles of the group. Of the entire camp. Someone that outsmarts opponents and wins battles. But he didn’t do that by playing nice and being a bootlicker.

TLT would’ve been a perfect standalone book that would have emphasized that Percy is an involuntary person sive) if you skip Kronos, leave a little bit foreshadowing with the prophecy out, tweak the talks with the gods and Annabeth’s first meeting and skip Luke and the scorpion at the end. The ending would’ve been “and so Percy had a first awesome summer vacation and found a group of friends for life” or so (aka PJO movie 1 in less shitty and more cohesive).

The morally gray character shrinks a little bit in the SOM because there lie straighter dangers ahead which dive more into the bigger picture and Percy grows more into the character who takes care of friends and but he does come back with TTC, and definitely BOTL and the St. Helens explosion.

Consequences of Percy’s interactions had people partially dying. There is doubt, there is guilt. But the show must go on. There are battles that have to be won. There is no big giving up, no big overturn for the bad guys.

Also... isn’t it interesting that we start with Percy saying ”look, I don’t want to be in this world“ in TLT and it ends with TLO where he says ”for once I didn’t look back“? The full circle? The way that accepting his fate took five books? To change Percy from being an involuntary participant to becoming voluntary? He didn’t want to be a half-blood, he didn’t want to be the kid in the prophecy, but he actively chose to be in the end. He went from a darker shade of gray to a mayhaps lighter, if you want to say so.

To conclude, I repeat myself again: it’s not about whether Percy is a morally gray character or not, it’s that he has to be.

Thanks for asking me about some meta stuff I really do like diving into these things here and there. Tumblr’s sorta glitchy, I do get notifications but I really don’t see asks, so I’m sorry if my response is mad late ^^

[kolbisneat]

MONTHLY MEDIA: March 2021

Hey March was a weird month what with all the pandemic anniversaries and such but here we are. It’s March. Goodbye March.

……….FILM……….

Attack the Block (2011) After about 20 minutes my partner asked if this was basically a British episode of Goosebumps and....she’s not wrong? I liked it back when it came out but it’s aged really well. Tight script and casual class politics along with the very good space stuff.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit (1988) It turns out I’d remembered so little of this movie that it was essentially a fresh viewing. The artistry and ambition still holds up today plus a noir set in L.A. is always good time. But then you add cartoon hijinks and it’s all just that much better.

The New York Times Presents: Framing Britney Spears  (2021) So we watched the ep on Britney Spears and...it didn’t really seem to cover all that much. It kept feeling like it was about to start and then after an hour and a half of that it just sorta wraps with a small legal victory. I know this isn’t fiction so I’m not expecting a happy ending, but I don’t know what it wanted to say.

CBS presents Oprah with Meghan and Harry  (2021) I mean I don’t think anything said or shared was surprising anyone. Though I appreciate Oprah not letting either of them sidestep a question. Either answer or say you won’t; none of this fancy poetry.

……….TELEVISION……….

Great British Bake Off (Episode 9.01 to 9.04) This is our first season without Mary Berry, Sue, and Mel and it’s a real shift! But despite all the new faces, it still feels very much like the good-natured GBBO I’ve come to love. Great stuff.

City of Ghosts (Episode 1.01 to 1.06) I hope all that I’m seeing about this means that Netflix will greenlight another season and more television like this. The artistry is fantastic, the concept allows for both whimsy and poignancy, and it’s casually funny in a way that I can’t fully describe. Great stuff.

WandaVision (Episode 1.09) So this didn’t quite stick the landing for me. I figured there’d be some blasts and magic and zooming around in the sky, but I also assumed we’d get some resolution (maybe even consequences) for what Wanda did to the town. Sure, she’s not the villain and it wasn’t intentional, but the show appeared to be built around this theme of denial and acceptance yet abandoned that in the end. But I will give it this: it really has sold me on the relationship between Wanda and Vision.

The Night Manager (Episode 1.05 to 1.06) You know I think I’ve been so primed by Bond films and action set pieces that, while I won’t spoil the ending, I was pleasantly surprised by how it wrapped up. It was a nice change of pace. 

The Bachelor (Episode 25.09 to 25.12) What a season. It was a mess, sure, but I also think it was the uncomfortable mix of stagnation and progress. The show needs to evolve and I feel like the finale and aftershow really highlighted that the change has to happen. Maybe it’s starting to happen already or in future seasons it’ll change whether production likes it or not.

……….READING……….

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (Complete) Really fantastic read and such an effortless blend of science fiction and...necromantic fantasy! Dark and gross and light and funny all at the same time. 100% recommend and am very excited for the next entry despite this feeling whole and complete on its own.

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum (Complete) I want to work my way through the series (or at least the original 14 written by Baum) so we gotta start at the beginning! There’s such a light air about the book that everyone kinda just rolls with everything. Sentient objects and talking animals and lots of murder are just met with a “Great! on to the next adventure!” and I love it.

The Marvelous Land of Oz by L. Frank Baum (Complete) It’s really great that the second book has a lot of the same core components (human child meets a bunch of wacky sidekicks while on a very small adventure) yet casually expands the mythos and world. It even builds on the plot established by the first book (the main conflict revolving around Scarecrow being overthrown as leader of Oz ever since the Wizard disappeared). Great stuff.

Ozma of Oz by L. Frank Baum (Complete) Bringing back Dorothy and it’s really a merging of characters from book 1 and 2. If anything, this series is shaping up to be about making friends and the genial conflict resolution is really heartwarming. Now i’m keen to watch Return to Oz.

Dorothy and the Wizard in Oz by L. Frank Baum (Complete) This might just be me but I find a mostly human cast (outside of Jim the Cab Horse) to be far less interesting than the diverse adventuring parties of the first three books. Lots of fun stuff in here and playing fast and loose with the world-building works well; highlight the fun parts of a land made of wood and then continue on to the next location! Great stuff.

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 9 by Ryoko Kui (Complete) It feels like everything is starting to come together and wrap up and I’m totally here for a story that knows what it wants to do. And while there doesn’t seem to be as much room cooking with the overarching plot that is driving the story, it never feels like it’s moved away from the heart of the characters and for that I can’t recommend it enough. Excellent world-building, excellent cast, and really great humor.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The IDW Collection Volume 9 by Kevin Eastman, Tom Waltz, Mateus Santolouco, Dave Wachter, Pablo Tunica, Sophie Campbell, and many more! (Complete) The human/secret agent stuff will always be boring to me (even if they’re hunting the turtles) cause that’s not what I want in a comic. I don’t want Batman hunting burglars, I want bright colourful villains for our bright and colorful heroes. Luckily we get into a pocket dimension for a toad god and his relatives during the second half of the volume. Overall, still my favourite ooze series.

……….AUDIO……….

Musicalsplaining (Podcast) Great host dynamics and hot dang I love a good musical.

……….GAMING……….

Neverland: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The group has taken a break from the infected giant colony to sort out some Pirate drama! Further session breakdowns are over here on Reddit!

Dungeons & Designers (Podcast) I had the rare chance to play in a D&D campaign instead of run it and it’s even up online! They also air the sessions through their podcast!

And that’s it! As always, let me know anything you think I should check out and thanks for reading.

Happy Wednesday.