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joy2paris · 1 year ago

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Preempting the big move...

So - I am a born and raised Londoner. I have had two years at university in the midlands and I am about to head to live in Paris for a year in 4 days for my year abroad! It was not compulsory for my course. I decided to opt into doing it. Prepare for a lengthy post: I just want to get all my thoughts and feelings about it out there.

It is truly surreal to say that I will be leaving so soon. To be honest, this whole pre-leaving process has been so stressful to say the least.

Making life-altering decisions that change the course of my future have always had the ability to send me spiralling haha. It happened to me in Year 13 deciding which universities to apply to, what course I was going to do, whether to do a gap year, whether to do an art foundation or not...I have no idea what I want to do career wise and committing to anything specific was too scary.

Also at that period, it just felt like childhood was truly slipping away. Contrary to what I feel is the majority of people's desires, I never ever desired to grow up (its giving Wendy from Peter Pan). I still have this diary entry where I expressed my deep sadness for turning 14. I never even wanted to leave primary school (I loved that place so much). Disclaimer: it is not that I just want to be babied by my parents forever, or anything like that. I am actually a very independent person and very happy being apart from them, as well as being an adaptable person to different surroundings. They also cultivated a space for me to be that way, especially as they are super independent people in their own rights. I don't know, I guess I am just a massive nostalgia merchant. Preserving time constantly spent with friends and the responsibility-free lifestyle was always something I revelled in, which sadly the post-uni life does not allow in the same capacity :( my friends are kind of my life. i love them with all of my heart and spending time with them makes me so so happy. constant laughter but also real sisterhood. we understand each other, look out for each other, uplift each other and have the most meaningful and vulnerable conversations. my friends are my girlfriends man!

Making these decisions also make me think very heavily about my life, my situation, how I see myself etc. I don't want to make the wrong decision. Maybe there is no such thing. It is just important for me to create a life that is at its optimum for me and my wants. For example, I didn't want to randomly pick a uni that only had one element that I liked about it. It was important for me to go somewhere that holistically met my needs - a place that is good for my course, that reflected the urban metropolis energy I love of London without it being London, that had a campus student feel but did not isolate you in an unrealistic student bubble 24/7, that was racially diverse, that would push me but also be a place where I could have fun with people. I considered my decision very carefully.

I also wanted to take a year out before rushing in (postponing graduating was always appealing) and I am so happy I did. I also realised that I would never get the opportunity to do an art foundation for free unless I did it there and then (it's free for 18 year olds), and the feeling of regret is a sore one. My meticulous decision making also went into deciding which art foundation to pick. I asked previous students all of my burning questions, to know what is was REALLY like. And I thank myself for doing that.

I decided to take the plunge and go for the intensive Kingston Art Foundation course over Camberwell at UAL or Ravensbourne. That course also began during 2020, a horrible year I am sure in many people's lives. Mine included. Not only did the course distract me from everything bad that was going on, I felt so excited by all the projects and briefs we were set; I was inspired and pushed creatively in ways I did not know was possible. I feel I also came more into myself with that year out - I loved the restaurant I worked in so much, and by the time I was set to go to uni, I felt ready (covid uni also just sounded awful if you didn't gel with your flatmates).

I loved doing Graphic Design so much. I got emotional making my final project on my foundation because I felt so passionate about it and I was so desperate for it to communicate the way I wanted it to. I've started realising I want to have a career that continues to bring out that kind of emotion in me. I want to move people and create change. This does not even have to be in a humungous way, just still a change that creates an impact or feeling in any way. I feel the same way with English and Philosophy when I come across passages I love (Eng and Phil is my degree. I did English Literature, Art and Psychology for A levels). Recently, A return to my Native Land by Aime Cesaire and Jamaica Kincaid's A Small Place really did this for me, I was blown away. I love the stimulating conversation about the work we are set in my seminars. Maybe a critic is the life for me. Conversations in crits (times where we would review our work with our tutors and peers) on foundation always really thrilled me. Either way, I need to understand this love of mine will happen for me career wise, I just need to keep trying and failing but importantly trying. Not just thinking about these things I love, but continuing to engage with them and understand doing something semi career related is not committing yourself to do that for life.

So, for the most part, I always back myself in the decisions I make, even though it is a harrowing process getting there. This is because, every big decision I have made has turned out to be the best thing for me and represent exactly what I want out of that decision. Most times, I feel, because of the meticulous researching and debating.

That tormenting, debating experience also returned when deciding to do a year abroad, but in its fullest force. Retrospectively, I wrongly avoided thinking about it at all over first year summer. I kept putting it off, as the weight of even the thought of it was too much to withstand. Second year of university began, and I was soon overwhelmed by the joys of an amazing second year house experience and other feelings this new year brought. Yet, the deadline for a year abroad was fast approaching.

As stated, I am a nostalgia merchant, so the idea of parting with my amazing uni friends was hard to swallow. Luckily, two of some of my closest friends will still be there when I return, but even the FOMO I was preempting to experience over the year I would be away was enough to make me reconsider. Second year I didn't even clean my teeth alone: we were always together and it was great (to clarify, we still individually cleaned our own teeth but were just in the bathroom at the same time LOL). Whereas, I will be lodging on the outskirts of central Paris in an airbnb, before living alone in a studio in Paris - I am sure this will be a fun experience in itself, however, still a massive contrast to the very communal second year uni experience I really enjoyed.

In addition, as stated, growing up was something I never wanted to partake in. So, graduating and entering the "real world", a world that I did not know which path to take in, was TERRIFYING. Most people do internships the summer before graduating to have some experience under their belts. Even deciding what to do for this stressed me, as it felt like committing to something for my career. Writing this out now, it all seems a bit silly, as I know there are many people who do not know what they want to do and feel this way, just like me. That is okay. I don't know, these decisions felt worse than the other ones I have previously encountered, because those decisions were not tied to the next step of education, a system I (and others in my boat) have only known. Instead, the world of scary work loomed. This whole thing also made me deep that I am probably more of a perfectionist than I realise, and a commitment-phobe more than I realise.

There were other personal factors too that I felt made me spiral in this time. So all in all, I was in a big crisis about it. I decided to make a pros and cons list. The underlying theme for essentially all of the cons was purely fear. If that was the only thing holding me back, why not just feel the fear and do it anyway?

So, unlike the usual planner me, I decided to take the plunge and not think about all the details. I didn't really have the time to extensively research into every country and every university as I had left it all so late, and also a lot of the time there is bias as to why people like or do not like certain things about a place and what it has to offer. There was no guarantee I was going to get a certain country or anything like that too.

Paris was not intended to be where I ended up. Amsterdam was my first pick, and I initially put Toulouse second as it seemed more appealing place to be as a student. However, I only found out right before I submitted my year abroad application that it was not available for my course. So, last minute, I changed Paris from being 5/6 on my list to 2nd. Although I am a true city girl, for similar reasons for not wanting to stay in London, I felt the same with Paris. I think there are also a lot of opinions about Paris as a place and the people.

Since telling people I am going, all I have heard is, "Parisians are so rude to non-French speakers", "the place smells and it is dangerous". Not to mention, there are very serious issues in the city. Recently, there have been many riots due to the killing of an innocent 17 year old at the hands of the police. It is not a campus university unlike my English one and I will be living alone, not even within university accommodation which is what I am used to. The Guardian also just reported that for the first time ever, the French government are having to fumigate the majority of Paris to prevent the swarm of large mosquitos that are carrying deadly fevers that are taking over LMAO! So it feels scary and new on all levels. I think also, Paris is a place that connotes many images in people's minds just on its mention (city of love etc). However, I have never been someone who romanticises much, or has expectations for much. I know Paris is going to visually be a hybrid of things, which I am used to and also something I will embrace.

The admin trials and tribulations I have endured with the process so far have been a lot. I have had to change universities and courses within the process (now doing law over there!), believed I had a house situation sorted, only for it to fall through and stressfully find somewhere else. As I was scared before doing it, these issues just made me more nervous. I have never felt nerves on this scale before. But I am equally really excited for what is to come, for the people I will meet and the experiences I will have. The growth that I will acquire. As I have grown older, I have loved more and more the experience of meeting new people and finding out about them, talking with them. My extroversion has really increased haha.

I think my main fear is the speaking French thing. I would still be nervous if I was going to an English speaking country, but less so, as I know I would be able to communicate with anyone and everyone. Or even say, with Amsterdam, where everyone speaks English and is happy to do so. As someone who doesn't enjoy the feeling of not being good at something straight away, I am sure living in Paris will teach me a lot. I did French at GCSE, but the way languages are taught in the UK as well as the way we are taught to see languages, is rubbish. All I can say is "Je suis allé au parc avec mes amis" and most Brits expect every country they go to accommodate to English. So, although France is in no way a perfect place or dissimilar to Britain when thinking of its colonial history, I kind of don't blame the French for not adhering to the accommodation of English.

It's weird, France is so close to us geographically that it is probably the foreign country Brits are most exposed to. I have been to France quite a few times - twice with my secondary school, twice to Limoges (Central France) when I was 9 with family friends, Lille for the fleamarkets with Dad, near Normandy and Nice with family and this year I visited a friend doing her year abroad in Grenoble. We also visited Annecy and and a bit of Lyon in that time. Yet funnily, I have only been to Paris once and for less than 24 hours haha. I was 16 with my family embarking on a chaotic inter-railing trip. Paris was our first stop! The place we stayed in was lovely, but the Louvre was shut on the day we were there and everywhere was so expensive for food so we ended up getting Mcdonald's. We did go to a cute funfair and a boat tour along the Seine, as well as seeing some fat rats. So essentially, Paris will feel novel to me on this year as my brief experience with it was interesting to say the least.

I really want to meet warm, genuine and meaningful friends. I am very grateful to say I have encountered that at my current university and before I began uni too. It is a special, special feeling. I believe I am good at discerning the kinds of people who I rate and want to spend my time with versus those who are not.

It feels weird being this level of nervous. But I am proud of myself for taking this step. It really really is out of my comfort zone.

I am excited to experience the art, music, film and general culture there a lot. There are a couple people who I know who have lived out there for a year (mainly friends of friends) and have asked them all for their recommendations. Places like Silencio and Caveau de la huchette are 100% seeing me. I will upload my list on here! I had a radio show over my time at university, which was extremely rewarding. Perhaps I can continue something similar out there. I really want to improve on my decks.

French films are a genre that I love dearly. There is many more for me to see, but currently on my Letterboxd 'Je t'aime' playlist, I have: Girlhood, La Haine, The World Is Yours, The Illusionist, The Intouchables, Portrait of a Lady on Fire etc.

To my comfort, my mum also reminded me that through a lot of this experience I will be externalising a lot - processing the language and the new surroundings, therefore not much time for internalising.

Ahhh, so many emotions! I will miss my dear friends dearly. University has been such an amazing experience so far. However, as my dad said, I cannot compare the experiences as this is an entirely different thing altogether.

I have already learned a lot about myself through this pre-leaving process. Often I feel the need to prove myself to people (when debating for weeks about whether to do it, I felt I could not back down after speaking so extensively to my friends about it, which is not the case. My brother felt I did not have the guts to do it, and I wanted to prove him wrong - but I don't need to). Change is inevitable and you just have to roll with it. Doing something does not commit you to that thing.

Crazy that I will be doing law there too - I feel the country is an interesting place from that law perspective. It was through the recent riots that I discovered that France does not monitor any ethnicity data under the guise that this upholds racial equality. That truly shocked me. All that is new awaits me! Proud of myself! Will report back on here as much as I can.

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samnyangie · 3 years ago

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IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

Hi! I have something to announce, since it’s going to be rsl’s birthday in few weeks time (on 28th), I’ve been working on a fansite to celebrate his birthday!

Tbh because I have no exprience of creating a website, there were some struggle which made me question what I was doing but thanks to @aedan-mills with her help and advice, I was able complete at the most of the things though its being under construction. Even after his birthday the site will be remained as archive room and I’ll add some more stuff like articles etc.

The fansite features five sections: [About], [Evolution of robert sean leonard], [Archive], [Fan edits and creations] and [Birthday messages and letters]...

[About] is basically brief biography and career path description of rsl and info about the fansite.

[Evolution of robert sean leonard] is a collection of rsl from his childhood to now.

[Archive] is where bunch of articles and interviews are stored, I’ll be continued to add ones in the future.

[Fan edits and creations] is where all the beautiful creations made by the fans are displayed, fanarts, photo/video edits (tho the video needs to be from youtube:((), gifs, memes anything’s welcomed! So please if you’re willing please dont hesitate submit your works-it doesn’t have to do with his birthday, it could be fanart about him in general or his movies or shows- by sending them to me by message or email: [email protected]

At the moment most of the things there’re done by me and it makes me kind of embarrassed haha Please feel free to joinnnnn! +You’ll be obviously credited the ones that aren’t are by me haha

[Birthday messages and letters] is where you can write him a birthday messages! Though I have to give a head up, I don’t know what’s the problem, but with some people there was an error where the message doesn’t go up or leads into some random site, so if that happens to you please message me and I’ll see what I can do. Sorry about it in advance;;

But yes, it doesn’t necessarily be restricted to his birthday, you can write a letter to him in general, or just about dps, house md haha or just random messages(not too random thoooo!) But of course if the messages are toxic or harmful, they’ll be deleted straight away and if you keep on doing that you’ll potentially be banned, I dont know its possible but I’ll see haha

So this is the site:

Don’t except too much tho haha since it’s created only by myself, it’s a wonky little site with flaws hahaha

I’ll tag some few who might be interested:D @scarletblakeney @imnobodysbaby @deelaundry @soophelia

Lastly, although I don’t like to say this but I’ll highly appreciate it if you reblog this post especially you’re dps blog or any of some sorts, because I have to say, I want it to be known to many ppl in the fandom as possible. I’ll be really happy and appreciate that so much.

And on his b-day, I’ll make a post again of this site in a final form and tag everybody if I can who participated either writing in a message board or submit their works:))

That’s it thank you so much for reading. Hope you have a great day!

-Samnyangie

+p.s

Imagine getting roasted like that when all you did was asking your sibling to try out the message function

But there’re all facts th-

#therell be like 000000.1% of possiblity of him seeing it so don’t shyyy #it’s just a fun project I randomly decided to do haha #robert sean leonard #rsl #dead poets society #dps #neil perry #todd anderson #dps fandom #house md #swing kids #swing kids 1993 #birthday projects

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chasingpj · 3 years ago

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𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

pairing: leo valdez x gn reader

summary: five ways he says i love you through his actions

warnings: implied nudity and s*x, discusses food and eating and nothing else, i think. oh, and maybe some typos

category: headcanons

love letters/notes

leo is a busy boy

he's always picking up new projects so he can spend all day in his workshop or the forges with his siblings

when you guys live together, he leaves small notes on the refrigerator for you

they're always short, saying simple things like "i love you" and "i miss you already"

for the love letters, he'll leave them in random places for you to find

if you're a big reader, i can see him hiding it between the pages of your book

one day, you pick up your book to read, and the note falls on your lap

it's a love letter written on a piece of blueprint paper; there’s a little bit of oil smudged on the side of it

he got distracted while he was working on something because you were the only thing he could think about

his love letters never fail to make your heart flutter

sometimes they make you cry

he's quite sentimental

leo always tells you he does better writing down his feelings than he is saying it out loud because he can organize his thoughts better

you know that leo has a hard time with that because of how he grew up

when you guys have an argument, which isn't very often, he writes his feelings down on paper

he's always quick to apologize if he did something wrong, and the notes help him form the apology that you deserve, and you're quick to forgive him

once, you were super angry after an argument, so you locked yourself in your shared bedroom

you needed to calm yourself down

the both of you much too angry and stubborn to make a compromise

as your recollecting yourself, 40 minutes in, a folded piece of paper slips from under the door

the letter has teardrop stains, and the ink is slightly smudged

on the paper, it's all his thoughts written out in the best way he can explain them

after reading what he wrote, you quickly deemed that whatever you were fighting about was silly, and you guys made up

you love his spontaneous notes so much that you do them back

you guys have a game of who can find the most creative hiding spot for your notes

one time you found one tapped to the inside of the toilet cover

you found it hilarious

you throw folded post-its with messages in his tool belt

he finds them during the day while he's working on something

after you joined in on the fun, he scatters notes in random places, and every few days, you find a new message hidden somewhere randomly

they're just so sweet; there’s never a time where they don't make you smile

gifts

this is a given

it's not a leo headcanon if gift-giving isn't included

he would make you things like roses from scrap metal to literal furniture

if you have a lot of jewelry, he will make you a cute jewelry box

if you're a big book reader, he'll make you bookcases to support your book collection

he's always giving you little trinkets that he made with leftover materials from projects

he loves making things for you and gets upset when you decide to buy something from ikea instead of asking him

"babe, why would you buy that? I could have just made it for you!"

when he's on his way from returning on his quest, sometimes he'll find something that reminds him of you in a store, and he'll buy it

when he has the money for it, he'd buy you a star :(

says that he spent even more money to buy an extra bright star

because "you're the sun in my universe"

brb gonna cry

also, he'd gift you a bond bracelet

you know, those bracelets where every time you tap on it, it makes the other person's bracelet vibrate

the both of you get anxious when one of you goes on quests, so the bracelets bring the other person who's at home comfort

because when you tap back, at least he knows you're alive and vice versa

one of the best gifts you've ever received from him was your engagement ring

he made it himself

he took so much care and effort into making it

imagine leo forging your wedding ring himself??? i'm in spain with no s

he was so nervous that you wouldn't like the style, so he had piper casually bring it up to you

piper was so nonchalant about it that you didn't even think twice about the question

the ring has the prettiest gemstone or diamond (whatever you prefer)

you cried so hard when he told you he made it himself that you couldn't even say yes to his proposal clearly

he makes both of your wedding bands too

he carves a saying that's dear to the both of you on the inside

this is nothing to do with anything but imagine when you guys have kids, he makes animals out of pipe cleaners for them i'm gonna cry, brb pt 2

overall, whether he makes the present himself or not, he puts a lot of effort and care into it

every gift has a meaning and a place dear to your heart

cooking for you

leo is canoningly a good cook

he loves cooking for you

and you love eating what he makes

he's usually busy on the weekdays, so he cooks on the weekends

you guys always joke that he'd be the cutest househusband

you got him an apron for Christmas as a joke gift one year, and he wears it all the time

there's something so charming about him wearing an apron with a funny saying like "Mr. Good Lookin is Cookin" or with like a ripped out shirtless guy in front of it

you giggle every time you see him wearing it

oh, no matter how many times you've seen it, it's still so bizarre when he takes out hot trays from the oven with his BARE hands

everything he makes tastes amazing

he makes all kinds of food and is always trying something new

if you tell him what you’re craving, he’ll cook it for you

once he woke you up to ask if you wanted ribs… it was 3 am but like, of course, you wanted some

unless you're vegetarian or vegan, sorry, HAHA

often though, he does make Mexican food

it reminds him of when his mom was alive

he always has some story to share

every time he makes caldo de pollo (chicken soup), he always talks about how his mother would make it in the summer and that when he was little, he would always complain about eating hot soup in hot weather

you know he doesn't notice his constant telling of this story, but you don't mind

it's so bittersweet when he talks about his mom

through the cooking of his traditional food, you feel closer to him and his late mother

the memories he shares with you makes your eyes sting with tears

especially when leo says how much he wishes that esperanza could have met you

sorry, that was a little emo

also, leo usually wakes up earlier than you

he knows you're a sleepyhead, so he'll cook breakfast for you

so that when you're running around in the morning trying to get dressed and your things together

you never leave the house hungry because there's always a tupperware filled with breakfast, and if he has enough time, he'll fix you something to take for lunch too

if you come home late from work or school, he'll make dinner even if he's tired to surprise you

so many times you've come home from a shitty day at work or school, and the small table where you guys eat your meals is all set up with your favorite food

leo greets you by peeking his head into the hallway from the kitchen, tossed curls, cheerful brown eyes, and a bright grin

"I hope you're hungry," he says, despite knowing that you are hungry

and then you guys talk and laugh together over a delicious meal

compliments

leo's really observant

he notices when you’re in a bad mood, even if you try not to show it

he also notices when you change little things about your appearance

if you get a haircut or you get your nails done, he'll comment on it right away

especially outfits

if you buy something new, he'll complement it

imagine standing in front of the mirror, looking at yourself in your new outfit

leo comes behind you, his hands coming around your waist

he'll pepper kisses on your neck, a soft hum leaving his lips as he meets your eyes in the mirror

"is this new, mi amor?" he asks, hands running up your sides

once you affirm that it is a new dress or shirt, he'll smile and tell you how beautiful you look in it

maybe says he'd rather see it off of you wink wink

there's never a day where he doesn't compliment you

he thinks you're the prettiest person in the world

you've caught him staring at you lovingly plenty of times

he's just asking himself how did he manage to get someone as beautiful and amazing as you

you always squirm under his gaze and playfully ask what is he looking at

"you're so pretty, mi amor. I can't help it."

AHHH!!!!

alongside the endearment of mi amor, he'd always call you bonita and hermosa

you're so sweet to him, and he can't help but tell you how much you mean to him every chance he gets

surprises

leo is an acts of service kind of guy

i think he'll spontaneously do things to make you happy

if you've been busy studying for finals or just beat up from a day at work

he'll draw you a bath

or he'll cut up some fruit for you and leave it at your desk

he randomly buys you flowers

he never needs an occasion to buy your flowers

it'll be a regular tuesday, leo just happened to walk past a store with flowers displayed in the front, and he thought about how bright your smile would be if he showed up with a bouquet

I feel like he's pretty introverted, enjoys being at home with you

the both of you are pretty broke for a while, so a lot of dates were at home

leo made the most of it

you guys will have nice dinners at home

he'll set the table nicely, set the mood with candles

he'll redecorate the space so well you feel like you're at an actual restaurant

and of course, his food is amazing

breakfast in bed is another thing he'd do for you unsolicited

especially if you guys had a looong night wink wink

you're woken up by his still groggy voice, fluttering kisses on your cheeks

you open your eyes to see he's set a tray with your favorite breakfast on top of the bed

the two of you will eat breakfast together, which usually leads to you staying in bed for the rest of the day

just enjoying the warm cocoon your sheets create around the both of you

overall, he's super observant and caring, and he goes the extra mile to make sure you're happy because he knows you do the same

anyways, does anyone know where I can get a leo?

masterlists taglist: @nct127bee @minamisulemisa @yanfeisluvr @cartocns @Slytherclaw-kitten @idk-bye-no @percysbluehairbrush @Hermioneswifeee @quteez @drayshadow @ashookykooky

#my writing #leo valdez #leo valdez x reader #leo valdez x you #heroes of olympus #heroes of olympus fanfic #heroes of olympus fanfiction #leo valdez imagine #leo valdez one shot #leo valdez fanfic #leo valdez fluff #leo valdez drabble #leo valdez headcanon

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coffeeandcalligraphy · 4 years ago

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A chatty writing update | novels, short fiction, etc!

Hi folks!

It’s been a while since I last wrote an update on this blog! I thought it’d be fun to go back to basics, and just talk about writing. This post chats about: new plans for Feeding Habits, my newest novel, my short story goals & growing collection, along with process reflections.

(image description: a photo of green leaves with the text “writing update” in a white font written on top. /end image description)

Post starts under the cut!

General taglist (please ask to be added or removed)

@if-one-of-us-falls, @qatarcookie, @chloeswords, @alicewestwater, @laughtracksonata, @shylawrites, @ev–writes, @jaydewritesfiction, @jennawritesstories @eowynandfaramir, @august-iswriting, @aetherwrites, @avakrahn, @maisulli

What have I been up to?

For starters, I finished my second year of my Writing undergrad last week and got two of my final grades back today (A+ baby)! For anyone who has taken online university, y’all already KNOW, but this year was so difficult. Would not recommend! Really proud of myself to have gotten through this absolute rollercoaster of a school term and am excited to get into some writing. That leads us to:

What have I been up to (writing edition)?

2021 started off so fast. By the time January hit, I was so consumed in my new semester that I did not have time to write Feeding Habits (my novel). In the first few days of the term, I managed to write between class, until I could no longer keep up! Essentially, I did not write any of that novel until exam season (last week), where I did manage to get in about 3k words in ~4 days.

Feeding Habits

I’m currently drafting what I believe will be the last chapter of this book (chapter 10: Swan Song). This chapter is so bizarre for a few reasons. It begins the book’s third part and also marks the shift back into Lonan’s head from Harrison’s. I originally thought this part would be much, much longer, with at least another five chapters to go, but quickly realized the book’s content was nearly completed. In my 4 day 3k palooza, I hit 50k in the book (the word count goal), and couldn’t see myself extending past 60k. Since then, I’ve made the loose decision to write this final chapter as a ~novella. Here are a few reasons why:

1. This chapter is structurally very strange.

I unashamedly shift from present to past to present to past past, and so much more every 12 words. I mapped out the timeline on a sheet of paper, and there were over 20 shifts in scenes (the chapter is only about 4400 words at the moment). The fictive past is incredibly important to this chapter, more important than the present, and I thought it would make more sense to not break randomly for a chapter so I could upkeep the consistent inconsistency of the chapter.

2. The chapter is very abstract

This stems from the structural changes, but there are paragraphs in this chapter of the fictive present that are loosely based in reality. They’re more poems than they are factual paragraphs, and keeping them all contained in one place (so a mega chapter/ novella) would reduce the most confusion!

3. There’s not much left to cover

Like I said above, Feeding Habits is on its last leg, lol! I know exactly where the book needs to end up, which is very, very soon from where I’m currently at on the timeline. Swan Song should cover what 2-4 chapters would cover in terms of arcs.

Feeding Habits and I have a really weird relationship, tbh! When I realized a few weeks ago that it’d been over a year since I started the book, I realized I just needed to finish it. Not that I want to rush (because I’ve taken longer than a year to write a book in the past), but that in order to move onto another project, I’d like to put this one behind first. This book has been the hardest thing I’ve ever written, and has reminded me there’s always a time to let go. This sort of scrounges up a conversation about letting this entire series go, which is certainly something I’ve been contemplating doing soon(ish). If this spinoff series gets a third book, that may or may not be the last Fostered book for a very long time (or ever)! There are many complex reasons to move on, but the main one is that I have other projects I’d like to focus on. This is not a definitive decision, but something I’ve certainly been thinking about!

Here are a few excerpts I wrote recently:

(TW: death, gore)

Dying feels like being a trout dangled out of water. Clinging to a hook. Mouth open. Scales iridescent in a final death cry. It’s like blood spurting up the knuckles, drowning out the flesh. It’s that moment on the long fall down when the clouds cup the body. Easy drifting. The sound a skull makes when it cracks is really just the afterthought.

(TW: death, gore)

Kill shot. Death blow. Coup de grace. Right in the heart. He feels it. The blood swelling, slicking his palms. He can do it. Reach into the cavity. Feel for the ribs. Part each bone. Then cup the humming heart. Stay there. Right. It’s never been easier.

Look at this PURE moment of Lonan holding a baby I CANNOT:

The grocery store was a fifteen-minute walk away. With Olivia clinging to his shoulder, Lonan was acutely aware that she could feel his heartbeat. Open valve. Close. Repeat. Hers pulsed right above his, a miniature drumming. The sky had bruised purple, misted with clouds. The evening air nipped his cheeks, so he made sure Olivia was securely fastened between him and his jacket. With wide eyes, she absorbed the drowsy suburbia, all its family cars pulling into driveways, all its couples heading back home after a sunset walk. When Lonan passed a young boy walking two golden retrievers, Olivia giggled, and didn’t stop, even after he’d spent fifty dollars on groceries and nearly the rest on a red Corolla marked with a MUST GO NOW sign outside a convenience store.

Let’s move on!

Mandy and Cora

I said I wouldn’t talk too much about this project, but I just love it so much?? I wanted to share my SUPER early thoughts on drafting a novel, especially one that is SO different from what I’ve been writing recently. I talked about this before in THIS post, but the summary about this project is that it’s a YA contemporary novel! Can’t believe I’m writing YA again, it’s been so long, but I also think it’s going so well. Everything I’ve learned as a literary fiction writer has been a fantastic primer for transferring back to the genre. Admittedly, I have not written much, but I’m having a lot of fun diving back into a lighter project. This is the summary:

Cora and Mandy are identical twins who’ve always done everything together. But when Mandy decides to go to university out of province after graduation and Cora doesn’t, Cora takes this as an opportunity to “test run” life apart from her sister for the first time by spending the summer at her aunt’s house across the country.

I have come up with a few ~things since I last talked about this project, mostly how I’d like to structure it. As of now, I’d like the book to be structured super loosely. I’m really pulling on a lot of inspo from “We Are Okay” by Nina LaCour (which is SO good), particularly how “nothing happens-y” that book is. This project (which I still need a title for!!) will be structured in short chapters that cover something Cora does on her own for the first time (without Mandy). For example, a few ideas are “Flight”, “Lunch”, and “Groceries”. “Flight” is the first “chapter” (they’re really kind of vignettes) where Cora flies to her aunt’s house. I still can’t determine if this book will take place in Canada. On one hand, I feel like there will be a wider audience if it takes place in the US (is that just an assumption??? maybe?? someone let me know!), but also: don’t really care too much about an audience at the moment! It could also take place in Canada (So Ontario and British Columbia). But if it does take place in the US, I think it may take place in NYC and San Francisco. The problem is: I really don’t like researching lol, and while I’ve been to NYC many times, I will definitely write it wrong! Does this really matter on a first draft?? absolutely not lol, but of course I am already overthinking!

But back to structure: I am looking forward to seeing what this looser structure will do. This is a story that is solely around one half of a set of twins learning to be her own person (and ultimately that she doesn’t have to completely forget her sister in order to do that), and as a twin who KNOWS this feeling, I think this structure of her doing things for the first time is SUPER relatable.

I was worried it might sound silly/worrying to others who are not twins that Cora hadn’t done things like “lunch” or “groceries” on her own, but I feel this so much as an identical twin myself! Not that she hasn’t done anything at all by herself, but as a twin, when you do something without your twin for the first few times, at least in my experience, you notice. If any twins are reading this--weigh in!

This story is the most personal thing I’ve ever written. It definitely is an OwnVoices book! Usually, I avoid details that are remotely similar to me because they make me uncomfortable haha, but with this book, it’s all me, lol! The characters are all Guyanese, which is SO fun because I’ve been planning what they eat (my fellow Caribbean peeps know: the FOOD!), which is so fun (yes they have pumpkin and shrimp, yes they have roti, yes they have pera, yes they have mithai). Every time I’ve gone to dabble at this book, or even think about it, I get incredibly emotional for this reason? I don’t exactly know why. I think this is a story I just so want to tell, with the culture I love SO much that I definitely struggled to love as a child. This is reclamation bitchessss!

Not going to lie tho: the prospect of writing ~a book~ is kind of freaky! I’m going to make the minimum word count for this book pretty short (50k) and see where it goes from there. I think I will focus on this project this summer! Originally I was going to write a literary novel this summer, but I think this one’s calling my name!

Here’s a pretty rough excerpt:

Try. I remind myself that’s what I’m doing after the flight attendant fills me a disposable cup of Coca Cola and all I can think of is Mandy and I shoving Mentos into a bottle of the stuff when we were twelve. Just me, wedged in the middle seat between an exchange student heading out for summer break and a middle-aged woman sipping a cocktail, thinking of Mandy and I bursting whole oranges in a blender when we were bored one Winter break as the plane dips through a wave of turbulence. Mandy and I dying our hair neon green with highlighters (didn’t work—our hair is too dark) as the plane lands on the tarmac. Mandy and I arguing so loud last month, we both lost our voices as I lug my carry-on out of the overhead compartment and shuffle off the plane and through the airport, searching for Aunt Vel.

Short Fiction

I’ve written so much short fiction this year! I have a goal to write a short story a month (they can range in length, as long as 1 is “complete”), so my short story brain has seriously been soaking it all up lately. Let’s chat my month to month breakdown so far:

January:

I wrote four stories in January! The first is a flash fiction piece called “Shark Swimming” that follows a young woman who attends a shark swimming class after breaking up with her girlfriend. I wrote this story for a “test” workshop for my fiction class, and it was based off the prompt “think about something you’re afraid to do and make the character do that thing”. I’m not particularly afraid of sharks, but had been wanting to use the title “Shark Swimming” for AGES (literally since 2018).

This story is one of my favourites. It’s only about 900 words, but I think there’s something profound in how mundanely specific it is. The entire story doesn’t even see the narrator swim with sharks once; it actually takes place fully in the sanctuary’s lobby. But I really love this narrator. This is the first story I’ve written in second person in a while, though I felt really connected to the unnamed narrator. She struggles with accepting that she truly is a “boring” person, and there’s something about the final image that really gets me!

I’ve been submitting this around, though it’s been rejected a handful of times. Hoping I can secure it at a magazine one day because I really love it!

The second story is “Joanne, I’ll Pray for You” which is actually a rewrite of one of my very first short stories (the first story I did not write for a class haha), “NYC in Your Apartment”. I LOVE this rewrite a lot, and also learned the original is not a very good short story! Revising this story taught me just how much I’ve learned in the 2 years I’ve been writing short fiction. Seeing the 2019 version versus the 2021 version side by side is fascinating because I essentially “gutted’ the 2019 version of its beginning and end until all that was left was the middle of the story (aka the actual story). AKA: this is the only story I’ve ever written with a hopeful ending and I cut out all the happy bits lol I am SO sorry (that arc is more for a novel or novella). That’s how this went from a 5k word story to an 1800 word story (my Submittable thanks me for this lol). A lot of details and scenes I included were more pertinent to a 3 act structure/novel, which of course short stories don’t often have because of their brevity. I love rambling about writing theory, and seeing that actually pay off is so fascinating!

(TW: trauma)

Like the original, this story follows Joanne, a woman in her early twenties, who spontaneously breaks up with her boyfriend. She claims the poltergeist haunting her drove her to this decision. The original draft focused a lot more on the traumatic events Joanne survives, but this draft really loosens them up. It focuses less so on the events themselves, and more on how Joanne’s life is affected. I found the details of these events were less important, and even sort of contradicted Joanne’s insistence she is being haunted. Instead, the poltergeist really takes more precedence in the new draft as a force Joanne doesn’t understand. That ambiguity, I think, is what the story truly needed.

I also centralized Joanne’s relationship with her boyfriend, Julian, here. Now don’t get me wrong, I really didn’t add anything to this draft. It was a matter of trimming the fat around it to leave the lean “meat” in the centre. But by removing that fat, I was able to emphasize what was most important here, and that was her relationship. Julian always played a really big role in the original draft, but I feel like his role as both a friend and partner to Joanne is much more emphasized since this draft literally is only two scenes now. Because there is less, there is more room for Joanne to reflect, which I’m happy about!

A final change I made was the setting and therefore the title. The original, which was “NYC in Your Apartment,” I couldn’t keep because I shifted the setting to Toronto (this is how I originally saw it, but in 2019 I just?? couldn’t?? write?? canlit??), and “Toronto in Your Apartment” sounded sort of gross LOL. The new title comes from a line in the story which I think is more relevant to the themes!

The next short story I wrote in January was “How to Spell Alpaca.” This one is super fun because I wrote it SO fast (in about 15 minutes or so). THIS is the writing update if you’re interested in learning more. I talked extensively about this one in that update, but some developments are that I dove into an edit a few weeks ago to really understand the core of the story. I’m still not quite there (this is just an intuitive feeling; I know not everything has “clicked), but I am really intrigued by the two mothers in the story, the narrator, and her newfound acquaintance, Violet. Both really struggle to understand their place as mothers (the narrator even declares she isn’t a mother anymore). The narrator, who is in her 50s, sees herself in Violet, who is much younger (~20s), and so she views Violet’s relationship with her daughter in a cautionary, yet mournful way, like she can see it will end up like her own relationship with her daughter, despite wanting the opposite. This is a really subtle story. I feel like if you blink, you’ll miss the message. But I think it’s compelling for that reason. It’s really a portrait of parenting and how to grapple with mistakes you may make that inevitably affect your children. Wow just unlocked the theme writing this lol.

The final story I wrote in January is “The Party,” which may be in my top 3 faves I’ve ever written. This story follows Aida, a recent divorcee in her ~40s. The day her divorce turns official, she moves into a new house and receives a party invitation addressed to the previous homeowner, yet RSVP’s anyway. At this party, she’s hoping to find some sense of noticeability, having struggled with being nondescript her whole life. Things seem quite normal at the party, until it gets bizarre.

I LOVE this story, y’all. Like “How to Spell Alpaca” it really delves into motherhood. Aida, our narrator, is incredibly hurt after her divorce. She now lives farther from her children she struggled to feel connected to in the first place, and doesn’t really know how to reignite her life. This party is a means to do that. This is the first story I’ve written that contains a “twist” which is strange because I really prefer stories that give us as much info as possible upfront, but yes, this one sort of twists.

February

I wrote one story in February, and that was “Protect the Young.” This title is SO changing when I think of a new one because it’s thematically incorrect, haha, but this story follows a woman in her late 40s whose daughter, Lindy, announces she is married the same day all their backyard chickens turn up dead. The discovery of dead chickens prompts our narrator to recall her ex-husband’s murder and the role her daughter may have played in his death.

I love this story so much! I think this would make a great closing for my short story collection. It just has that vibe! I wrote this for my second fiction workshop. I thought I had to hand in the story a week earlier than I had to, so I panicked and wrote this in one sitting! Little did I know, I did not need to do that lol but I’m very happy because this story is so fun. We get to learn more about Arnold (her ex), his relationship with Lindy, and how that translates to Lindy’s relationship with her new husband, Malcolm. I LOVE true crime (I listen to about 3-4 hours of case coverage daily), and this is my first “true crime” story. Because of that, I’m very sus of a few details that probably wouldn’t slide in actual investigatory work, so I’ll also be working on that in a revision. My professor also gave me a great suggestion that may alter the story’s structure a bit, though I look forward to toggling with it in the future.

March

In March, I was really on a Criminal Minds kick lol. I’ve been watching this show since I was seven (oops), and dove into a rewatch since it hit Disney+! This story, “Where to Run When the Lamb Roars,” is very clearly Rachel watching 5 episodes of CM a day. Oops! We follow 14-year-old Astrid as she and her older half brother kidnap a young girl to sacrifice for their yearly ritual.

I knew a few things going into this story, but the main thing was that I did NOT want to show any details of a potential murder (if one even occurs). I really wanted to keep all of those elements off the page because this story is not about those events, but about Astrid’s relationship with her brother. They are a murderous duo, with Astrid actually being the dominant partner. I wanted to explore that. I knew her brother, Fox, was more of a submissive partner in their team, even when he used to do this same thing with his father when he was much younger (chilling!), and so it was a task to explore how this young girl’s desire for violence works. The end actually comes right before the story starts, one could say, but I like it for this reason. It really made me contemplate the story by the time I finished it, and helped me examine what it really was about versus what it appeared to be about.

April

(TW: sexual content, non explicit)

I was so busy this month! Who knows if I’ll write a story last minute, but I did write one story this month called “Five Times Fast.” I wrote this during a “writing sprint” that was being hosted at a flash fiction workshop I recently took with one of my favourite writers ever, K-Ming Chang. I learned so much from this class, and am so happy I came out of it with a draft! This story is just over 300 words, so the shortest flash I’ve ever written, but I’m really happy with it. It was based off the prompt “describe the last time you or your character was naked.” In this case, the narrator has a “friends with benefits” relationship with Ricky who works at a laundromat. This story highlights a moment in this relationship (and also Ricky’s goofy personality lol). I really like it! Hopefully I’ll submit it to some magazines soon.

My short story collection

Very briefly I wanted to touch on my short story collection which I’ve titled “She is Also Dead.” I’ve been meaning to make a blog post on this, so look out for that in the coming months, but this collection is already at around 35k words (about 14 stories so far). The collection also surprisingly has a solid amount of flash fiction which is kind of fun! There’s definitely a range here, which is what I personally love in short story collections.

I feel very professional now that I have a ~collection chart. This is her:

(image description: A chart with the title “She is Also Dead.” It is broken into four columns: Story, Status, Word Count, and Published. Entry 1 - Story: Slaughter the Animal. Status: Revisions, Word Count, 3982, Published: N/A. Entry 2 - Story: Joanne, I’ll Pray for You, Status: Polished, Word Count: 1809, Published: N/A. Entry 3 - Story: Primary Organs, Status: Published, Word Count: 2342, Published: The Malahat Review. Entry 4 - Story: Faberge, Status, Polished, Word Count: 619, Published: N/A. Entry 5 - Story: The Wolf-Antelope Will Not Come for Us, Status, Polished, Word Count: 1556, Published: filling Station (forthcoming). Entry 6 - Story: How to Spell Alpaca, Status: revisions, Word Count: 1327, Published: N/A. Entry 7 - Story: Blink Twice for Final Judgement, Status: Polished, Word Count: 6572, Published: N/A. Entry 8 - Story: The Species is Dead, Status: Published, Word Count: 1208, Published: Minola Review. Entry 9 - Story: Shark Swimming, Status: Polished, Word Count: 907, Published: N/A. Entry 10 - Story: The Party, Status, Polished, Word Count 2339, Published: N/A. Entry 11 - Story: Fig, Status: Polished, Word Counter: 947, Published: N/A. Entry 12 - Story: Protect the Young, Status: Revisions, Word Count: 4128, Published: N/A. Entry 13 - Story: Where to Run When the Lamb Roars, Status: Revisions, Word Count: 2174, Published: N/A. Entry 14 - Story: Phantom Limbs, Status: Revisions, Word Count: 4844, Published: N/A.) /end image description.

This order is DEFINITELY not permanent (at this point whenever I write a story, I just fit it randomly into this chart lol), and some of the info is outdated (for example, Slaughter the Animal is now polished!!! thank god!!!). But just an idea of what I’m thinking of including.

This is the summary so far:

In SHE IS ALSO DEAD, characters are pushed to act on their gravest impulses. A small town turns murderous when their local invasive species, the Janices, begin dying. A child struggles to understand her mother’s suicide. A college dropout who insists she’s being haunted by a poltergeist unexpectedly breaks up with her boyfriend. A mother acknowledges her daughter’s murderous tendencies after her backyard chickens mysteriously die. A young girl caters the funeral of a girl rumored to be killed by a wolf-antelope. A newly-divorced mother RSVP’s to a bizarre party she was not invited to, and a murderous brother and sister upkeep their yearly tradition of abducting a young girl. These stories follow characters who navigate death, violent desires, womanhood, and loss, both self-imposed and otherwise.

This is also so subject to change as I may pull and add stories to the collection!

I think I’m going to leave this update here for now! I’ve written TONS of poetry too, but I honestly ~hate my poetry right now lol, so! Hope you enjoyed this chill rambly update. Hope writing has going well for you all! All the best!

--Rachel

#writing #writeblr #writerblr #amwriting #writingupdates

57 notes · View notes

smortbokuto · 4 years ago

Text

Paper love.

warnings: utter and absolute tooth rotting fluff crack.

pairings: Bokuto x Akaashi.

a/n: here to bless you with soft bokuaka <3 AKAASHI HAD HIS HANDS ON HIS THIGHS JSOIWDEDW BYE

summary: if asked "how did you both meet?" it was simple for them to smile and say "i left my notes in a library and he left a note for me." that's all.

word count: 3.3k

Late afternoon of autumn season. a weather just as the liking of the ravenette who shuffled through the busy streets of the Tokyo with a fixed motto to reach the city library before the dusk paints the already orange yellow tinted sky. his gunmetal eyes landing on every moving figure, every breathing soul, every sign board all through the way till they bored holes into the brown, heavy gates of the library.

a breathy sigh left escaped past his lips at the contact with the antique handles stuck on the wooden doors as he pushed open the doors. thick cool gust of heavy temperature air conditioner fell over his, leaving his tousled hair to fall over his winter evening eyes.

pushing his hair back, slender, calloused fingers carding through the hair as he squinted taking a while to adjust to the dimness of the library which he was not acquainted with after being under the blood- orange sun.

two receptionist sat there behind a huge table, a glass wall over the table that reached the ceiling. to the opposite was huge tables, all dark brown with lit candles and lanterns in the middle of them, were standing on all fours side to side with equal distance. the shelves behind the tables. books and books, sea of books were stacked in a proper order. step stools randomly near every shelves. people balancing themselves on those stools to reach the destined choice of books. level two of the library was just the same, a curvy staircase going from either side of the receptionist table.

the blue and ocher yellow tinted windows all over the huge huge walls allowed the drowning sunlight let into the dim place. walls, painted in a pleasing aesthetic colors, paintings of ancient wars and other artefacts from different places hanging around them with their circa and details.

a perfect place for his anthropology studies.

walking towards the reception table he took the pen that rested between the crease of the entry book which already had listed numerous numbers of visitors.

'#762 Akaashi Keiji.'

padding his way towards a table of his liking, a table just beside the window with tinted shades on the upper level of the library. sitting down he allowed all his required material to spill out from his bag on the table. his journal, pointers already jotted down before hand, different loose sheets from his classes stacked under the journal, written in his pristine sharp writing. books open in front of him allowing him to soak in all the words of knowledge while he took notes and pointers in a fresh page. writing staying constant and neat even with the speed of writing them down.

slowly the minutes slipped into hours and he didn't realize when the already drowning sun had been reigned over by the full moon and stars hanging all around it.

sighing he looked at the analog watch wrapped around his lean wrist.

08:47 pm

picking up all his material he bolted out from the library, not before bowing slightly in front of the already leaving receptionist who returned his gratitude with a humble smile.

walk to the college next day was as monotonous as ever. reaching the class felt like slow drags of tired legs but alas, it all about the attendance. a must. ought to be done.

god, he hates it. but it can't be helped.

settling in his seat on the front row of the class he sipped on his warm coffee. the warmth seeping down his throat and heat blooming into the pits of stomach. a tired sigh left his throat.

all the chatters from the students nearby him felt distant as he closed his eyes to take in the reality and prepare mentally for all the upcoming long and slow classes.

"hey, Akaashi." a low voice, a little hesitant, came up from behind him making him open his eyes to turn around and face the owner of the voice. a blond, lean man stood in front of me.

'god, his eye bags can hold water without a miss...'

the male looked in distress.

"what is it?" the ravenette cringed internally at how deep his voice came out and how much sleep was still mixed with it.

"do you, perhaps, have the sub- headings for Human Evolution? i can't really figure them out.." his words turned into a whisper to himself by the end of the sentence. his hands scratching nape in anxiety and his eyes boring holes into everything and everyone but akaashi.

after a silence of fraction of seconds akaashi nodded reaching out to his bag as he felt the gloomy aura tune into a flowery pink aura of gratitude for the helping male.

a life saver, indeed.

for a second, Akaashi thought he had his life in control, his homework and notes on him but to his dismay it wasn't.

what a fucking joke.

disappointed with the lemons life kept giving him he retracted back his hands and rested it on his thighs as he turned back to face the confused male.

"uhh Akinori- san? looks like i have left it in the library i visited yesterday." he apologized telling the blond that he would click the picture of the lone sheet and send it to the male.

the whole day continued in a constant restlessness. he left an important somewhere in a public place. questions flooded his brain to the brim and no one could answer them but him.

no way in the living hell he is ready to make those sub- headings again. he felt like he would loose his last straw of humanity and sanity if he didn't find the page.

cursing internally he ran like a mad dog was let loose after him, ready to pounce and tear him apart. skidding slightly he stopped at the library entry. a chill went down his spine as he opened the door, dread settling in the pits of his stomach at the thought of him loosing the sheet.

oh, he really didn't want that.

writing his name on the entry book hastily he ran upstairs, skipping 3 steps at a time in a thought to reach fast. his lungs and calves burned to give them a rest from all the running without to which he ignored, too determined to find the sheet.

reaching the seat he had been siting yesterday he felt his heart pang within the captive of his ribs.

the sheet was still there. safe and sound.

but?

his eyes squinted at the small sticky note sticking on the sheet that's dear to his life. walking towards the page he collected it into his hands. reading the note a smile creeped up on his lips.

//hey! your name is really pretty. i found this sheet today and i kinda took notes from it. thanks for it!!//

thanking the person for the nth time he took out a sticky note from his bag and wrote a small thanks.

//hello, thanks for leaving the note. this sheet is important to me. and it's fine if you took notes, haha. what's your name?//

if he was honesty, he was not expecting any reply from the said person who had left the note.

but when the next day he came with Akinori to issue some books for the upcoming projects.

//oh!! my bad, sorry i thought i really did mention my name in the end. it's Bokuto Koutarou!! 22, going professional in volleyball and i have to study history as a side subject...

oh!! you seem nice. here: #xxxx xxx xxx. you can text me if you feel comfortable!!//

carefully folding the piece of yellow sticky note he kept it in his jean pocket.

later that day he sat there on his comforters of his bed, conflicted between texting the number or not.

what if it's a sick prank? someone else's number? perhaps a random number?? should he even take the risk?? scam??

ignoring all the thoughts he decided to take the risk. something about the name and the way the chits were written made this said man 'Bokuto Koutarou' very magnetic in nature.

texting a simple 'hello' and his name he threw his phone on the other end of the bed, groaning. he seemed desperate about this.

but he can't help! this guy Bokuto seemed really nice and he could be more, he guessed????

after what felt like godly slow centuries he felt his phone buzz, muffled by the covers around it. reaching the phone he checked the time, eyes widening.

03:05 am

he saw the text from a contact name from 'Bokuto?'. wasting not a single minute he saw the reply as smile tugging over his soft pink lips.

[oh! hey hey hey!!]

[i didn't expect you to reply.]

why was he even awake? well he was being a hypocrite to think like that when he was wide awake too knowing he has to reach college for classes. he was sure he would look dead.

but anyways he didn't mind the time and texted back the number. texts going back and forth. getting to know each other. it was basically Bokuto telling jokes, bitching about his teachers and everything he had experienced till now while Akaashi went along with the conversation, laughing at his antics and his bubbly nature.

ah, it felt nice. refreshing. even though he barely had slept in days.

god knows when the foggy night dipped low for the new autumn morning. the sunrays bleeding into his room from the partially open blinds, falling onto his study table. the clock reflecting the light onto the wall that fell on its cover glass.

he was still wide awake. fingers still typing continuously the keys of the keyboard of his phone. smiling every now and then at the replies he got from the other male.

fun indeed.

weeks passed with the continuous talking and sharing everyday stuff with each other and soon the autumn took its exit letting winters slide in for next few months.

chits were occasionally exchanged. the secluded corner of the second level of the chit exchange without showing themselves to each other became a habit they adjusted it into their busy schedule.

//ooo i came here today and i thought of leaving a chit for you to read. we should meet someday!!!!//

few days.

//we should, indeed. lets find a right time to meet.//

it was so comfortable.

Akaashi would be lying if he said he haven't sneaked to Bokuto's game.

oh god, it was a mess.

not only this man is fun to talk to and so polite and all but how can he be this good looking?!

"what the actual fuck." akaashi had muttered under his breath as he saw bokuto walk into the arena, chest puffing with pride. the ravenette felt his cheeks burn with a red tint paint purely over his cheekbones.

he could only think of one thing as he watched the pepper salt haired man play the whole match and win it.

'am i gay??????' god it sounded so scandalous.

but looking at him play. his muscles ripple with each moment he took. the way he ruffled his hair to wipe out the sweat, hair messy. the way his jersey rode up as he went in for a powerful spike. everything.

'god, i am so gay. what the fuck.'

akaashi decided he would never tell this to the other male. about him going to his matches only to fall more and more for him with every passing moment. the conversation, the antics, the looks, the nature. everything.

he won't admit that he practically got hard as the first thing in the morning when Bokuto had sent him a voice message of him saying a simple 'good morning'. the problem was not the good morning message but his fucking deep, heavy sleep laced voice.

god, he was down bad for the man.

the early winters slowly turned into mid winters with the call of snow. November slowly turned December and new year approached. a day where they both decided to meet. well for akaashi, he would see him for the nth time now. for bokuto.... first time.

akaashi decided to not tell this to bokuto. jesus, he felt like a damn stalker.

tapping on the shoulder of the man with pepper salt hair, who had his god sculptured back faced to the ravenette.

'i don't mind watching his back for the rest of my lif- jesus christ, shut the fuck up please. don't mess this up.' he mentally cursed as he saw the said man turn to face his gunmetal eyes. his grey eyebrows cocking up in a questioning look.

"how can i help you?"

"i am akaashi keiji..." he mumbled. lips parting slightly as he saw the other man grin ear to ear at the slip of the name.

the night went smoothly. they indulged in all the games that were available in the fair. ate every possible dish not having mercy on their hurting pockets.

ending the night at the river bank side, sitting comfortably on the mats that were set up for the viewers to witness the fireworks for the arrival of the new year.

but something for bokuto made it hard to look at the sky. he couldn't help but watch the man beside him from the corner of his eyes. he just looked so ethereal. skin so clear and pristine, basically reflecting all the colors painting the sky by the crackers. his eyes, blue, but shining so bright even under the dark sky.

he made sure to ask Akaashi for a pic together before he dropped him off. setting it as his lockscreen and homescreen.

'god have mercy, i am so gay.' he screamed in his head. mind not moving on from the burned image he he had drawn in his head of Akaashi. how can someone be this beautiful??

he has to keep it low- key. but, can he?

after the new year meet up. they met frequently. akaashi watching his matches while bokuto used to study, more like complain, with him at the library.

they were down bad for each other. but won't speak about it. just because.

time passes quick. seasons changes. winters came to an end. all the dried up trees showing a sign of life again. pink petals decorating every second tree so beautifully. the snow had melted away from the pleasant warmth of spring painting the whole land in fresh green and spots of pink from all the blossom leaves leaving the home of the trees.

feelings that were supposed to stay small and bottled up, filled up to the brim. it wasn't just a crush anymore. the seasons had changed but feelings remained the same within themselves for each other. and it kept building up till it was over flowing.

each glance, each action, each word and each conversation made them fall deeper into the suffocating feeling of love.

the thing is, akaashi is patient and he knows how to showcase his emotions. he knows what to show and what to not. but bokuto? oh honey no. he doesn't think twice before doing or saying something. he is... impatient.

an impatient person in love? disastrous.

he didn't think twice as he wrote a letter on a pale page. a letter on how much beautiful he finds Akaashi. he didn't think twice as he made his way to the library. he didn't think twice as he kept the letter there on their secluded seat of conversation.

he didn't think about the rejection that could come.

he just wished for the best. like he always does.

he waits. patiently, for once.

but again, for how long?

three days had passed but it seemed like akaashi hadn't even visited the awaited library. he had told bokuto about his upcoming project for the end of the semester. he had already issued books for the project a day before bokuto had kept the letter.

so close.

he decided: he can't wait anymore. he jolt up from his bed, hair hanging low over his forehead. he picked his phone typing away to the person he is so desperate for.

[hey!! can we meet at the library real quick?? its urgent.]

he wrote as he threw on a sweatshirt over his shirtless body. reaching the porch of his house his phone buzzed.

[its pretty late rn??? but sure.]

god, at last. but then the dread he had been ignoring settled in. what if he rejects? what if i ruin what we have? no no, he doesn't want this.

panicking he put on his shoes, sprinting out from his apartment. not wanting to wait for the elevator he took the stairs. 12 floors down from stairs... he ran, not giving his lungs the needed break from one block to another. the roads empty with only few passer by walking back home maybe and the light lamps only illuminating the empty sidewalk and roads.

he just wished for akaashi to not have reached before him as he stood on front of the library doors. he pushed them open taking a deep breath as he padded slowly up the stairs.

taking a turn to the place he had to reach his eyes widened at the figure he wanted to see after he reached but no. he was tad bit late.

akaashi stood there, teal sweatshirt hanging over his lean figure. letter, open and probably read by now, between his slender fingers. his head whipped up to see bokuto, mouth gapped, wanting to say something but nothing came out.

"i- i can explain." bokuto never thought his voice could come out so small. "its okay if you will reject me. i mean it will hurt like a bitch but its fair... you have your own choices and i was selfish to write it i guess... i don't wanna ruin what we both have!! i cherish it a lot."

he was rambling at this point trying his best to explain his emotions that where all over the place. he was so messed with his words he didn't hear the multiple times akaashi had uttered his name. it was until akaashi had to practically yelp out his name in a dead silent library.

"Bokuto!! what the hell??"

"wha- what?" oh god, he sounds so upset...

"can you let me speak now? there is nothing for you to explain. the letter did its job already." the shorter man commented.

there was a heavy silence between them as akaashi busied himself in folding the letter back and putting it in the envelop. bokuto couldn't hear the paper rustling as it was being folded but his heart shattering at the due rejection.

the taller man didn't look up from the ground. he didn't have the balls to look into those gunmetal eyes. he figured it would be filled with anger and hatred.

he was so ready to hear the rejection now.

but nothing came.

slowly he lifted his head, taking the risk to look at the man in front of him. he took a step back when he saw akaashi smiling, face flushed in shades of pink and red under the light of lanterns that were lit all around the library for the starry night.

"won't you speak anything now?" he whispered. "aren't you going to reject me?"

"no? why would i?" akaashi answered with a question. smile never faltering.

huh?

"wait- you like me??" his words came out chocked at the realization. maybe it was mutual. maybe it wasn't as scandalous as it looked like. i was a new bloom of love.

"no, i like you too." he drawled out walking towards Bokuto. "like a lot. pretty desperate you can say. i just thought that it would never be mutual so i kept it in."

to say that bokuto was happy was an understatement. all these months together with him as friends was all something he always had wished but now? lovers? yes. how can he ask for anything more than this?

his hands reached out to the male walking towards him, pulling him into a hug he craved to give him so desperately.

"i love you so much."

#bokuto #koutarou #bokuto koutarou #bokuto fluff #akaashi #keiji #akaashi keiji #akaashi fluff #bokuaka #bokuaka fluff #bokuaka angst #bokuaka oneshot #haikyuu #haikyuu!! fluff #hq fluff #fluff #haikyuu fluff

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holycow99 · 3 years ago

Text

石田お寿司 12/9/21 stream translation Part 8

This is not the full translation of the stream. I only translated the parts I could understand & interpret or parts I found interesting/important. I’m still a beginner in Japanese, so the translations may not be accurate. If you want to repost, please repost at your own risk.

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(t/n: ** means translation may not be accurate.)

*He started drawing choujin X.

I: I’m gonna do my work. It’s gonna be a work streaming onwards. Whoever is sleepy can sleep.

*Showing the screen.

I: This is the 2nd chapter. I’m doing this for the magazine. Even though I’ve done this chapter before, I’m still drawing it. This is what I’ve been doing. Pitiful, isn’t it? I’m doing this because I want to though. Then, I’m gonna casually draw this for a bit.

C: Looks tough.

I: Not at all. Which page should I do? So exciting!

I: The bgm is called Cry by Queen Bee.

I: I wasn’t told to do this by Young Jump or anything. I voluntarily wanted to do it. I asked them to let me do it.

C: Tell us your favourite panel.

I: Hmm…I wonder. I don’t know.

I: I’ve been doing the manuscript by myself, along with the background as a challenge. When I was able draw the background pretty well, I thought, surprisingly, working this way was better. So, I got carried away and had fun drawing them. I drew too much to the point the pages piled up. It didn’t need these many pages. You can’t have these many pages for the comic, so it’s difficult. The 70 something pages for chapter 2 is gonna be compressed to fit the magazine. I feel embarrassed. I was like “what is this super big spread?!”

I: My goal is to update 3 chapters this month while creating chapter 2 ver 2, and there are coloured parts in between the pages for the magazine. I’m not supposed to do that either… It’s troublesome.

*Someone commented there’s a weird URL. (t/n: the highlight of the stream.)

I: There’s a weird URL? Should I delete it? Which one? Oh, it’s an R-18 URL. “Hot Girls and Boys”. This is definitely an adult URL! Maybe I should check out. Hahaha! I’ll pin this message! What should I do with it? Then…I’m blocking it.

C: Sensei, check it out for us.

I: I’ll take a look at it for a bit later. The virus might corrupt my manuscripts.

C: That’ll be a problem.

I: Do you mean me pinning the message? Oh, you mean my manuscript getting corrupted. That’s okay. It’ll be a corrupted version of chapter 2. The virus version. I have to quickly make ver.3 if that happens. Choujin X adult ver. Adult sites often put X in their URL. That kind of info came out when I searched about the letter ‘X’. Therefore, I wanna do that kind of collaboration, please. I’ll be waiting for it. To shueisha, To Ninohara Matsuo, please make it happen. I’m looking forward to your cooperation.

*Someone commented for him to try get his files corrupted by adult site’s virus for the 30,000 commemoration.

I: That’s a good idea! Try getting corrupted by pc virus. Let’s do it, by all means. Don’t hesitate to tell me any sites filled with virus.

*People commented they can see the comment being pinned.

I: It’s because it’s being pinned. Really? I can’t even unpin it! Why? Amazing. The comment is strong. How about If I randomly pin another comment? Is there any interesting comment? MM, comment something interesting.

*The comments had already been unpinned.

I: I don’t know whether MM is still here or not. They must use the word ‘On the contrary’ in the comment. Something like, “On the contrary, adult sites are…” That person only comment contradictory stuffs.

C: MM’s syntax.

I: That’s a nice one. “On the contrary,…” even though it isn’t. Has MM gone? I’m curious. Maybe he’s thinking of what “on the contrary” stuff to comment. “On the contrary, open the URL.” Haha. “On the contrary, try getting corrupted by the virus.” On the contrary, how about I spread the virus to you guys? You’ll see adult stuffs if you open it.

*Someone commented Ishida would be on Yahoo News if that happened.

I: That’s good. Let’s do it. I’ll add trying to spread the virus into the 30,000 subscribers’ commemoration proposal.

C: I can’t handle the virus.

I: That’s right. The pc will be heavy if there’s virus.

*Someone asked why he wanted to be a mangaka.

I: I’ve told this before, but because I didn’t wanna get a job. I thought it’d be easy being a mangaka. Then, I thought of retiring when I was in my 30s after I’ve earned enough money. Haha. I thought of having an easy life. These were my thoughts when I was 19. But reality is…how do I put it? There’s still more to life.

C: Is it as what you’ve planned?

I: Is it? I did become a mangaka. I’m amazed by that fact. I wondered whether I was gonna be one when I was aiming for it. I thought of being a mangaka and I really did become one.

C: What anime did you obsessed with lately?

I: I don’t have one. I’ve been watching movies only. I watch them if the anime is the laid-back, calming type.

*Ishida mentioned that Goubaru started doing something so passionately, but he couldn’t understand why Goubaru’s doing it. Goubaru tried to explain to Ishida but he was unable to understand what he’s doing anymore in the end. Ishida ended up giving advice to Goubaru.

(t/n: I couldn’t translate the part above properly, so I just summarized it.)

* The adult websites comment came back in the chat.

I: It’s here again. This thing is super famous. I’ve blocked them though. Should I block it? How should I do it? Report it or using moderator? What is moderator? Something like a management or some sort? Would it disappear if I report it?

C: Moderator is someone who’d ban it for you.

I: I see. A guard. That’s good. But if the moderator is a nasty person, like S******, they’ll ban stuffs randomly. They’ll be playing around with it.

*Talking about the weird comment again.

I: Erotic websites also appear in my stream. Isn’t it amazing? The only thing I’ve got before was a URL for a ramen blog. I should’ve taken a look at the site secretly after that. It was a ramen blog, but the name of the blog was something related to excretion.

*Ishida imitating the ramen blog’s comment.

I: “I’ve written reviews about ramen that I ate.” The content is okay, but the blog name is…, but he might’ve been a good person. But he’s probably not if he put out his url there. Like what are you trying to promote? I’m still regretting not taking a look at it.

*Ishida finding page to draw.

I: I’ll draw this. It looks fun. Is it okay for me to show these drawings? Well, you’re gonna read this in Tonari Young Jump in the end. I’ve drawn it, so it’s okay.

C: Until what time are you gonna stream?

I: I haven’t decided it.

C: You’ve been streaming for almost 4 hours.

I: That’s nice. This can be a record.

*Someone asked if he’s day and night became reverse when working at home.

I: Yes, definitely. That’s basically what’s happening now. I’m currently a nocturnal maybe. I wake up at wrong hours.

*Searching for bgm

C: Please play something that wouldn’t get you banned.

I: I won’t be banned, but I’ll get a copyright notice, just like Juuzou’s video. I got a notice saying I wasn’t allowed to monetise the video. I wasn’t going to. I can’t play songs I usually play because of the copyright.

C: Try getting your account banned for the commemoration project.

C: Copyright is bothersome.

I: You can’t help it. Everyone is protected that way.

*Ishida forgetting Chandra/Chandler’s outfit.

I: Did he wear a tie? He does, doesn’t he? Ah, he does.

C: It looks like Animal Rap at a glance.

I: Quite a while ago, I forgot if it was the drawing stream or not, I was drawing while animal rap videos were playing, right? During the night of the day chapter 2 was released probably, I did a streaming with animal rap videos playing on the screen. I said I wanted to see the final battle. I thought of uploading animal rap video after the stream. Now, I can start uploading them. I’ll upload animal rap video while drawing Choujin X. Need to see the conclusion of it. Are you guys anticipating it? Haha. I’m the one who anticipates it the most.

C: I wan you to bring back the Vtuber.

I: That thing? It’s a nuisance. Hahaha.

C: Is the name of the smoke guy supposed to be Chandra or it is translation error?

I: Is there translation error? I don’t know though.

I: I’ve drawn until B Block’s match for Animal Rap. The 2nd match is over, so another 4 matches to go? Or 3 matches? Huh? Let me scribble (the matches’ chart) , since I’m dumb. It’s like this, right? Until which match did I draw? I’ve drawn the B Block’s matches but I haven’t uploaded them yet. So, I have another 3 matches. So fast! The first match was super long.

*Someone wanted Animal Rap to continue forever.

I: That’s tough. Endless stuffs are tough. It’s good because it ends.

Part 9

#ishida sui #tokyo ghoul #jack jeanne #choujin x #chojin x #ishida sushi channel

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prismarine-blocks · 4 years ago

Text

modpacks we've played

doubles as a handy list for ourselves and for our followers that want to check out modpacks

(not intended to be listed from most to least favorite but it accidentally ended up that way so uhh oops)

stoneblock / sb2

general thoughts: second one is much more polished and better. definitely good for multiple people to work on at once as a team. random rewards are actually useful and can give you good stuff early on!

thoughts on mods: thaumcraft is useless but is actually pretty cool if you choose to get into it. draconic is *chef's kiss* so fucking sexy, along with tinkers construct. resource chickens are GREAT. fluid cows need some polishing and take a stupid amount of wheat and time to get places with. anything past draconic (project E and so on) terrifies me so we haven't done much with it

thermal expansion is GREAT, the little machines make the best noises (esp. the pulverizer. ahhhh). flux networks is also great and i love the interface! ae2 is a pain but arguably fun to work with. i don't use immersive engineering for much tbh but it's good for making cloches :3

other mods are also useful but these are the ones i know off the top of my head by name

tips:

start chickens early on! they are great for getting loads of resources in the beginning of the game- most resources can be obtained through chickens. also, you can stack up to 16 chickens and breed them up to 10/10/10 in stats- if you do that, they'll give you 3 of their item about every second ago

yes, chicken boxes (nesting & breeding) are affected by the acceleration wand. NO they are NOT affected by imaginary time blocks. sorry lads

DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT CURSED EARTH UNLESS YOU ARE READY. enclose that shit in obsidian and have water buckets ready to turn it off in case something goes wrong. also, a little goes a very, very long way

have at least one cloche for wheat. you'll need both the seeds and the wheat itself (if you have too much wheat and not enough seeds, you can get one seed from 2 wheat in your crafting panel)

don't worry about the inventory crafting extension. it's cool and all but if you're anything like me you'll either forget you have it or hate it because it doesn't use the same interface as crafting tables/stations

the ME system (computer) is super time consuming to build but also extremely fucking useful. do yourself a favor and build that before any mob farms. your storage space will thank you

don't forget to add in optifine if you like to use it, and also be sure to slap this mod (not the rewritten version! that one may not work) in there so you can grow top tier inferium + nether star seeds in the cloches. note that you CAN'T grow neutronium in there, sorry :(

challenge ideas:

actually use thaumcraft lol

don't use the mining dimension. for this you'll need to do a LOT of hammering and sieving- luckily there are autohammers/sieves just for this! :)

---

skyfactory 4

general thoughts: hehe skyblock

really though, fun pack! great for working on as a team. in fact i'd honestly recommend it

thoughts on mods: sky orchards is time consuming but it's a nice way to gather resources! haven't used resource hogs at all, honestly not sure if they're necessary. tinkers is here and i LOVE the porcelain smeltery. very compact, very cute. can't remember a lot of other mods right now but the pack is generally pretty nice™

tips:

you can't smelt cobble in the porcelain smeltery to get seared stone, so try to use petrified resin blocks instead

get hopping bonsais asap! also remember that they need to be on a chest to deposit their contents

slab chests aren't really worth it. slab furnaces and tables though..... Slightly more worth it. i still wouldn't really recommend them except for the achievement tbh

if you don't want a super horizontal base, build up! you have a LOT of room to build upwards, and you have the ability to climb walls (jump, shift + w, then tap shift while holding w to get to the top)

if you're in a snowy biome, put something above your smeltery. snow will break it if it starts building up layers on the inside

slime boots are your best friend! great for if you accidentally fall off. easiest way to get them is building a smeltery and then standing in it for the congealed blood

nether portals don't work, don't spend time on making one! check out the cakes instead (just make sure you aren't making xl food mod ones)

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compact claustrophobia

general thoughts: literal actual hell in a cube. fun! not the best for multiple people to work on as a team; there are certain places where the quest trees kinda bottleneck and it's difficult for people to work on the same thing. don't recommend if playing in tight spaces actually affects your claustrophobia

and yes. the fart sounds stop being funny after a while. like the second time tbh

thoughts on mods: i don't know most of the mods in here by name- or at least, ones that aren't also in sb2- so i can't give much in specifics. that said, whatever gives you the thermoelectric generators is great and really useful for power. also the autoclickers are 👌

tips:

do yourself a favor and grind for more tiny compact machines. you'll need some later and you'll also want to use them for extra space

autoclickers + vacuumulator + hopper and chest setup works Great, def recommend. also as a note, try to avoid standing in front of autoclickers that are left clicking- they DO hurt you

save your poop and work on getting a farm asap. you can use it as fuel that smelts up to 32 items if you just mix it with wheat

(i haven't played this as much as sb2 so unfortunately i don't have much to say)

challenge idea: only use one room of each size at a time. this is going to be nearly impossible given the size of a lot of machines, but trust me, it's (probably) possible

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sevtech ages

general thoughts: bullshit. not in a fun way. it's really just complex for the sake of being complex tbfh. you want a challenge that's actually just hours upon hours of suffering? congrats here you go

the only thing that makes this better than rlcraft is the fact that it has an actual quest/achievement line and doesn't absolutely hate its players

thoughts on mods: the only cool one is whatever you build the totem pole and do dances for, that's it. maybe the dark forest place too bc it looks cool even if it IS a pain in the ass as well. tombstones are kinda useful too tbh

tips:

don't play this

if you still want to play this, don't

really though: the saw is useful

the watermill is arguably better than the windmill

try to set your base somewhere close to an ocean or river biome; those are the only places with unlimited water until you get aqueducts

get an autoclicker for grinding stuff with the lever. trust me your fingers will thank you

backpacks will be your new best friends. embrace this

getting through each age takes a LOT of time. don't feel bad for taking breaks

challenge ideas: honestly the game is hard enough on its own, i can't really think of anything that would make stuff harder... outside of maybe smth like "only do things manually, don't use horsepower" or whatever, which is just plain mean at this point

---

rlcraft

general thoughts: don't

thoughts on mods: just don't

tips:

love yourself

do not play this

don't even think about it

i know it's all haha fun youtube right now

but please don't do this to yourself

challenge idea: don't touch this ever

actually serious thoughts: super overrated. incredibly frustrating. another pack that isn't challenging so much as just fucking horrible. it's mean! it hates you! you'll eventually hate it too! i've sunk so much time into this and honestly? it's just not worth it. it really just isn't. nothing you do will ever please the gods of rlcraft and if you're lucky you'll build a nice sexy base that will be gone the next time you die because the game decided your bed wasn't valid :)

if you want an actual challenge, play compact claustrophobia. play packs that limit you in terms of space or resource gathering. don't play packs like this that are only hard because they spawn big fuckoff dragons that burn everything all the time constantly, or that respawn you fuck knows where bc somehow your bed unloaded or """got obstructed""", or that have mobs that will literally go through walls just to commit murder. oh and half the time you can't even sleep because it just randomly spawns a mob that can kill you!! just don't do it, man. your time and energy are worth more than that

#minecraft #modpacks #mc mods #mc modpacks #minecraft modpacks #not blocks #musings #how tf do people tag mod stuff again

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colorseeingchick · 3 years ago

Note

Hello, colorseeingchick, I hope you’re having a nice day, and congrats on reaching 200 followers! I wanted to say I really like your Kuroko no Basket posts. I was recently looking for some small fanfics of Kuroko no Basket and I am glad I’ve found yours. I am also looking forward to reading your “Oh! Baby Series” of Tsukishima.

For the 200 Follower event, I would like to request a Kuroko no Basket matchup. I’d prefer to be matched with a male and my pronouns are she/her. I am currently 16 years old, I have brown skin and dark brown eyes. My hair is a dark brown color(almost black), very curly, and it reaches toward my mid-back. I’m 5’2” in height and I am an Aquarius(For Midorima).

I usually like to watch anime and read in my free time. I really love chocolate and exercising. I dislike people that lie a lot, peanuts, peanut butter, pecans, almonds, avocados, and onions. My hobbies are writing, drawing, reading, watching tv, singing, and playing the Piano. I think I’m particularly talented at writing since everyone seems to like my writing very much and right now I’m practicing my creative writing skills.

Personality: When I first meet someone, I tend to be quiet and just observe everyone. If anyone comes up to me, I usually just introduce myself, and depending on who the person is I may strike up a conversation. If I don’t then the person that’s talking to me will usually make conversation and I will quietly listen. I would usually just nod or say things like (yea, right, mhm) to show that I am listening. If I begin to feel comfortable I will give my opinion on the subject or try to strike up my own topic. But once I get really comfortable with that person I can become very goofy. I’ll start randomly dancing in the hallways and make weird sounds when I’m with that person. And depending on the person this can either increase or decrease in weirdness. I’m very good at listening to people especially when it comes to a person talking about their passions. My friends and family tend to laugh at a few things I say. They’re never really jokes there just situations I’ve been in and Apparently, they’re funny. I don’t tend to touch people, the most I really do regularly is either is put my hand/elbow on the person’s shoulder(Doesn’t matter if they’re tall or short) or begin poking them in odd places.

Negative Things: If someone is sad or insecure about something, I don’t know how to react, I usually just stare at them while they cry to themselves. I would not suggest that any of my friends come to me for emotional support. Unless they just want someone to listen to them. I don’t know how to take compliments. Once someone compliments me I usually just stare at the person or say thank you very slowly.

Additional: Since me and my friends were in chorus, we would usually just begin singing our chorus songs very loudly. It didn’t matter where we were, we would just begin singing. There was a time where my friend called me super sweet because I was checking up on them during the pandemic. My friends also said I give the best presents and truthfully I struggle trying to find presents. I want to give my friends something they can use or they really like. For example, I gave my friend a drawing notebook and some art supplies since they like to do art. I’ve been told that I have a mean resting face and that I act more mature for my age. I also asked my friends to describe me and they said, “Beautifully, Creative, Loving, Silly, Writer, Fashionable, Pretty, Innocent, and Nice Hairstyles.”

I swear I don’t where they’re getting these nice compliments. Hopefully, this is not too long.

Hello noodleman!!!! This was perfect do not worry. They compliment you because you're amazing haha. I always see you in my notifications and it makes me so happy :) I’m very excited to do both your matchups! For KNB, I’ve matched you with…

Akashi Seijuro!

We all know Akashi is a powerful man who’s been through a lot. As a girlfriend, you would be the one to both compliment his power and balance out his emotional state, even if you don’t intend to. And that would be the source of the beauty of your relationship with him.

You were a student at Rakuzan who would mind her own business. Akashi was in your class (ranking at the top) for the new school year, and you two sat next to each other. Akashi (this is the OG Akashi- the nice one) would introduce himself to you, and you would do the same. You observed Akashi quietly. The way he was so put together. His calm demeanor. His pretty eyes and how they were keenly watching everything. You didn’t realize he was observing you as well. While you both were just normal acquaintances at that point, things were about to change.

One day, you heard Akashi talking about basketball next to you. You could hear how passionate he was about it from the way he talked. The person he was talking to walked away, but you couldn’t help but ask him about basketball. Watching him talk that way was so enticing.

He looked at you for a second before smiling kindly and asking, “would you like to learn about basketball?” From there, you two would have a very engaged conversation with Akashi fanboying in a way that was as classy as fanboying could get, while you were listening attentively. You had to leave for the end of the day, but you left with a smiling Akashi out the door of the classroom.

The next major interaction between you two happened a few days later. You were doodling in your notebook when you heard him speak. “You’re very talented at drawing.”

You smiled awkwardly at the compliment, unsure of how to respond, so you just looked at him. He didn’t mind though. He just smiled back. “If you draw again, I’d like to see.” He then left soon after.

While you didn’t doodle again, you decided that maybe you were comfortable around Akashi, more than you thought you were.

A major shift in your dynamic happened one day when you were writing down intensely into a journal, stopping only when your hand hurt, taking time to think about your next words when you felt a light tap on your arm.

“Excuse me, if you don’t mind me asking, what are you writing?” He genuinely looked interested, which caught you by surprise.

And so you explained the short story you were writing. Akashi asked questions about the characters, the plot, where you got the idea from- all sorts of things. You both didn’t realize everyone else had already emptied out. “If you would like to share your story with me sometime, I would love to read it. And if you’d like to come by and watch my basketball team play, let me know.”

He was surprisingly easy to talk to. And that was the point where you both got closer. As you got closer, talking and learning more about each other, you both started to fall bit by bit. You both had a long list of hobbies and talents, much of which overlapped. Akashi was mesmerized by your singing, though he knew you wouldn’t like to hear the compliment if he gave it to you. Instead, he just asked you to always sing and gave you his full attention when you did. It went without say he loved your writing. He was a talented musician himself, and you found his game pretty entertaining- the way he dominated on the court.

He asked you out after Rakuzan had taken a big victory before the winter cup. You’d come to watch the game.

“Will you celebrate with me?” He asked you.

“With your team?”

“No, actually.” He’d smile at you and step closer, but had not invaded your personal space. “I’d like to actually get some time with you, on a date.”

He was pleased you said yes. The date went well. He’d learned you were mature, which is what he was looking for in a partner. He already knew you were talented and a good listener. It wasn’t long before he asked you to be his girlfriend officially.

Your dynamic with Akashi was well tailored. Being the captain of Rakuzan, he had an image to maintain- one of power. And having a girlfriend who he knew to be intimidating as well (your resting face was intense) was a fitting situation. He knew you observed and listened well, which is why he could trust that you would be thoughtful- something that was also very important to him. You also cared for efficiency and purpose. But what he didn’t realize he needed so badly was your goofiness. After you two had gotten as close as you were, he learned how funny your stories were and saw you in your most comfortable states. He loved your fun goofy side. It helped him live a little, too. He enjoyed elbowing you back when you did it to him (it was the most innocent playful thing he’d done). It didn’t bother Akashi all that much that you didn’t know how to deal with other people being emotional. He wasn’t one to show negative emotions all that much and didn’t project that expectation onto you, which made it a bit easier. He knew that if he needed to talk it out and have someone listen, he could always go to you.

Overall you and Akashi managed to balance out on a lot of your ideologies, world views, hobbies, and life practices. While some were the same, others were different- but in a complimentary way. It’s quite a beautiful dynamic, really.

~~~

Ahhh I really hope you like it! Lemme know what you think hehe. I'm excited to do your MHA one too!

#knb #knb matchup #csc hits 200 #colorseeingchick milestone

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painted-crow · 4 years ago

Text

Submission Time #9

Hi, Paint! Thank you so much for letting your inbox available and taking time out of your day to read this <3 I’ll try my best to make it as short as possible, but I do tend to talk too much, so I’m sorry if this turns out a bit long. Also, sorry about my English hehe.

No way, this is really clear and well-written! You've made things easy for me here ^^

Well, guess I’ll start with what I do know sorting wise! I’m a Snake Primary with a Lion model and one thing I’m very aware of about my secondary is a Bird model that I use for basically everything lol. I think my actual secondary burned sometime around my teens and I’ve been living in this model ever since. I like it, it’s very fun and incredibly useful, but doesn’t really feel like me, you know? Getting things done can end up a bit frustrating at times, especially when I’m overthinking everything and making some half-assed planning I'll most likely end up throwing away at some point.

Okay, so leaning towards one of the Improvisational secondaries. Cool :)

When looking at other secondaries tho, I relate to some aspects of them, but not the core thing about them, if it makes any sense. I mean, I understand that as complex humans we won't relate to our sortings 100% all the time, but it seems like the key characteristic is always missing.

Like Lion, for example. I’ve been told I can give some pretty inspirational speeches and a few times after project presentations classmates told me I should probably get into theater or become a coach lmao. I’ve always been a bit of an improviser, too? I don’t tend to think much before presentations, usually there's just a guideline and then I come up with all the nice words on the spot. I seem to be able to do and learn things rather intuitively too, like getting high scores on essays about books I didn’t read or on tests I barely studied for, if at all. And still have no idea how I did that...

Almost certainly an Improvisational secondary, then. Not sure which. Either that or you have two models happening.

But the actual Lion thing, the need for integrity and being myself at all times? I don’t have it. That "inspirational" bit people mention is probably more related to me being rather good with words and voice intonation, it doesn’t necessarily come from a place of genuineness. It does feel more like a performance, I'm actively trying to be entertaining and catch people's attention while explaining the subject. Guess I also prefer to take more indirect approaches to solve problems, rather than charging.

So it sounds like Lion is less of a thing for you. Let's think about Snake instead.

As for Badger, I think there’s at least some performance going on. The thing about getting unprompted confessions and having people randomly asking for favors? Happens pretty often. I consider myself more fluid too, and I relate more to the Badger description of “mirroring” than the Snake thing of becoming someone that’s “charming” for a certain person. Especially because social cues aren’t exactly my forte haha. So it’s easier to go along with and reciprocate whatever vibe the person is giving off. I’m definitely not a community builder tho. Relying on people makes me anxious and I generally feel more comfortable with smaller groups. I would say I'm a caretaker, but that's it.

I don't think Snakes would have a hard time mirroring if they wanted to. A Snake who wants to give off chill vibes can (consciously or subconsciously) just decide to do the Badger mirror thing. And if you do that a lot, then yes, people are going to feel safe around you and you get the random confessions thing.

That's not to say you don't have any Badger, though.

The hardworking and showing up part are definitely tools I’ve used before and it’s what helped me get hired for jobs more than once now. Work ethic is important, but I guess I focus too much on the end results and “work smarter, not harder” is not a philosophy I tend to go against. As long as I can still be efficient and provide good results, I don’t mind taking shortcuts. In fact, it would feel a little selfish to me to keep up a slower, less updated method if I can be more productive and finish things faster by trying something different (really hope I'm not offending anyone by saying this, it's just a personal view).

"Tools" is the word you use, and I know you said you're thinking your secondary is Burned, but it's interesting how neutrally you talk about this. You don't seem emotionally invested in Badger, either as part of your identity or with those complex mixed feelings Burned Houses often have.

Maybe you use Badger sometimes as a performance, but from the sound of it, it doesn't feel like it's yours.

Finally, Snake. The parts where Badgers and Snakes overlap are definitely the ones I relate to the most. But, like Snakes, I don’t need to believe what I’m saying to make it work. I only have to believe I’m being convincing enough haha. The less I think about it, the better.

Hmm. I was already leaning towards Snake for you, but I wonder if "the less I think about it, the better" isn't a leftover habit you have from pushing Snake aside to use Bird. I'm probably reading too much into this.

When I was younger I used to take some pride in being a pretty good "“liar"”, but I don’t know why I started feeling like people can see right through me? That they’ll think I’m always faking everything and can’t be trusted.

Ooh, imposter syndrome. Fun.

So, you used to take pride in this, but you started feeling like you weren't good at using Snake? And you're thinking your old secondary might be Burned.

Anxiety™ definitely doesn’t help with that, however I started wondering if part of it comes from having a very, *very* loud Lion secondary mom and she always expected our relationship to be open and honest. I’m glad I can be like that with her, I even agree that when the matter is important enough, you should be honest and communicate with your loved ones.

So there's a family/community expectation that conflicts with your using Snake...

But when being so open in general isn’t in my nature and I have to force myself to be a little more like her…. Maybe I internalized that being indirect and reserved is inherently bad and I feel guilty when that’s precisely my first instinct.

So, Lion REALLY isn't your thing. I'm very much leaning towards Snake for you.

But as I said, I’m not a people charmer. More like a negotiator, maybe. And reading some Snake secondary statements, it does come across as a little… “extreme” to me. Like having multiple accounts with personas that don’t overlap? I have three atm, with a lot of overlapping, and it already feels overwhelming lmao.

There isn't a set way to use the secondaries. Snake in particular is very adaptable and it's definitely up to you how you use it. The specifics of how other Snakes use their secondary aren't a requirement for you to be one.

"Negotiator" absolutely is a form Snake can have, and if you can identify yourself with a fluid, reactive word like that, then that's a hopeful sign that you're un-Burning.

And the world better watch out when you do... A Snake with a strong Bird model? Hell yes, that's a combination :D

I wrote this trying to sort myself more than anything, but at the end of the day, guess I’m still a bit lost. If I had to pick one… Maybe I’m closer to being a Badger…. A very impatient one, if that's possible.

Aww, hon, your mom just doesn't realize how awesome Snakes can be.

I think you're slowly recovering your Snake, but you're only letting yourself adapt in ways that look Badger, because Badger is safe and socially acceptable. Especially to your family... you said you're a Snake primary and if your mom is Important to you in a loyalties way, you might find that changes how you treat your Houses.

Anyways, I was curious to know what your considerations would be! Once again, thank you so much for taking the time to read all of this mess and commenting on it. Hope you stay safe and have a great week!

This was very articulate and not a mess at all ^^ hope this helps!

-Paint

#sortinghatchats #shc secondaries #ravenclaw secondary model #burned slytherin secondary #shc burned houses #submissions #paint speaks #q #submission

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gilded-green · 3 years ago

Note

In celebration of the 10th anniversary, I’ll probably reread GG and send updates/highlight areas and as for commentary. Probably XD

But first. What aspect of Gilded Green was your favorite? What was something you put in a lot of world building for but never got to show either in fic or on tumblr. Who is your favorite character and why, what makes them special in your eyes? Which character has turned into a completely different one as soon as you started writing them? Which part of the fic did you like most when you finished it, do you still like it? Similarly, which part do you dislike most?

Lasty, anything about gg2’s story you want to share/talk about/rant?

-love, the dai li fangirl

Haha, no pressure! But at the same time yes if you do feel free to send me passages for commentary here! <3

What aspect was my favorite? Hmmm. *thinking face* I think, when I first came up with it, I was just thrilled to have these two small things - minor character Lu Ten, overlooked villain organization Dai Li - that I was able to combine into something so big. That was pretty nifty!

As I started developing the story, I think what really caught my attention was the fact that “Wow, all these characters are awful people!” Like. The Dai Li aren’t good.The Fire Nation aren’t good. Lu Ten is a victim but also an oppressor. All off these people have extremely different beliefs and worldviews - Fire supremacist, police state enforcers, classist academic gatekeepers - and all of them think THEY’RE in the right here and none of them are. I think Tien and Hoang might be the only people with a decent, non-oppressive worldview in the story so far. XD I was growing out of the storytelling trope of black-and-white morality at the time, so it was really fun to start experimenting with writing awful people as enjoyable, sympathetic characters.

World building? Hmm. I was just learning how to use my worldbuilding muscles back then. I seem to remember reading up a lot on how brainwashing actually works in the real world and going “I don’t think this is compatible with what we have in ATLA” and just kinda tossing that whole thing out. XD I also recall looking up a lot of stuff for the bits about Jouin, some of which - kalua pig! - has since shown up again in WFFD. I also recall someone on FFdotnet at the time saying “All this chapter did was tell us more about a dead character than the living one” and I was just kinda like -_- yes because he is DEAD and this is your chance to feel sorry about that, we’ll get plenty more of the living one later on account of him still being, y’know, alive. XD

Oh, and Shirong’s personal side projects. I finally got into that a bit in A Meeting of Minds, but the dude DOES have his own stuff going on, which Delun so rudely interrupted to drag him off to see Long Feng about brainwashing a Firebender.

I also did a bunch of research for the birthday party interlude, I think. Mostly appropriate alcohol for such an occasion? And....okay, this’ll sound funny, but.....food containers. I wanted Fen to pack up leftovers for Suyin and Shirong. That’s what my Italian family does after get-togethers, and I assumed that a Chinese family/friend group would do the same! But I also had, like, zero exposure to everyday Chinese life, let alone everyday Chinese life in the 1800s, and I just didn’t have the...idk, cultural osmosis? to figure it out. Like, if you asked me how Victorians would transfer food I’d probably come up with “Idk, wrap it in cloth and stuff it in a basket?” and I assumed people living in modern China would also be able to explain what their people did for food storage/transport 150 years ago but I didn’t have that cultural background, now, did I??? Also this was 10-12 years ago I was looking this up, mind you, the internet was still very different, there was plenty of information on Chinese historical events but not on everyday life objects, CDramas weren’t easy to find if they were translated at all and I certainly didn’t know they existed, and no one was posting beautiful aesthetic videos of life in a rural Chinese mountain village to youtube yet. Eventually I learned that bamboo baskets were a thing, but there wasn’t much info on THOSE either and I wasn’t sure how to describe them, so I just tentatively typed “basket” and called it a day. XD

YOU CANNOT ASK ME TO CHOOSE MY FAVORITE CHARACTER THAT’S LIKE ASKING ME TO CHOOSE BETWEEN MY CHILDREN!!! *shoves Yong off a cliff*

I’m very fond of the Dai family, along with the Trungs and Sais. I’m very proud of how Tuan turned out. I adore Yuan, who you’ve barely met, and Xun, who you haven’t. Huang and Wu Sheng are also definite faves and I can’t wait for y’all to get to know them better.

Characters do usually behave for me in terms of personality development. They surprise me, but they never really turn out to be the complete OPPOSITE of what I was expecting? They just kinda develop organically. Huang and Wu Sheng surprised me, tho, those boys got deep. I knew they had the potential, but developing their backstory actually caused Stingrae and I to develop Ba Sing Se’s socio-political backstory and Long Feng’s rise to power, all because of an inkling I had. That was a very satisfying few years of worldbuilding and story development.

Um, favorite part of the fic....idk, I’m very fond of the final scene, with Azula and her wall chunk from Lu Ten. I’m doubly fond of it because of how it always resonates with readers. Heck, during Azula week last year, I used that chunk of rock as an ongoing theme in Sandstone, and someone commented like “I DIDN’T REALIZE YOU’RE THE ONE WHO WROTE GILDED GREEN” and that made me really happy!

Lu Ten’s time stuck underground - I used the seven stages of grief to get through that one and it was very helpful in structuring that part of the story, and I figured it was deep or something because PSYCHOLOGY.

I’m also proud of myself for getting through the dark brainwashing scenes. So, like, FYI, fanfiction could get...very dark, back in the 00s. People love to play purity police these days and complain about how nasty people get can, but listen. Listen. Do you have any idea how dark FFdotnet got back in the day? Legolas And Aragorn Get Captured By Orcs And Brutally Tortured was an entire genre. I feel like torture fic was actually a lot more common back then, and darkfic in general - I’m sure someone could write a whole thesis on why it’s not so prevalent anymore, I’m gonna guess the fact that fandom is less-insulated and more public now could be part of it, maybe also the fact that the internet is more social media/influencer culture based so people care about their image, and also the purity police which is its own kettle of worms, but I also think that the Bush Administration had something to do with it? You have all these kids who were pre-teens when 9/11 happened, growing up during the Iraq War with an awful presidential administration while everyone was scared and conservative Christianity started to realize that their control over the nation’s “morality” might be slipping and reacted accordingly......yeah there was a lot of darkfic back then.

And I read a lot of darkfic too, but, uh....well, statistically speaking, a lot of writing is bad, okay? A lot of those fics were just weird; you could see where the writer had this idea, and also where they failed to execute it in a way that resonated or made sense. And whatever, writers were young and just wanted to pound out some catharsis, it’s cool, but it still just felt narratively awkward when you could tell how the writer was more focused on LET’S MAKE THIS AS DARK AS POSSIBLE instead of “Let’s tell this as well as possible.”

So the first several attempts at writing the brainwashing scenes, I was nervous because I didn’t want to get TOO dark, and when I finally decided “eff it” and said to Stingrae “I think I need to let this be as dark as it needs to be” I was still nervous because I didn’t want it to end up WEIRD. Idk if that makes sense, but anyway I seem to have done a decent job at it!

As for parts I dislike the most, uhhhhh Iroh’s retreat (I didn’t care, I just wanted to get it over with), Enlai might’ve been promoted too fast? idk, the fact that I came up with Nanyue AFTER I finished publishing GG so I couldn’t work that into the Quy bits, the fact that I was young and innocent and didn’t understand sexual slang or innuendo and randomly chose Dong as the name of the court physician which could lead to some awful puns except no one ever seemed to pick up on that and maybe I’ll regret pointing it out but the man IS going to appear again so I might as well get the first shot in myself. XD

I might have GG2 stuff to talk about but not sure, if I do I’ll make another post on that!

#GG tumblr escapades #GG 10th anniversary

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thisnerdsadventures · 4 years ago

Text

research updates!

This post has been difficult to write, so I've been putting it off for a while, not gonna lie. The reason I put it off is because I'm not quite sure how yet to reflect on my MEng experience so far. I didn't have a great experience last semester because of social isolation, neverending confusion, lack of guidance, imposter syndrome, zoom fatigue, etc., so I was really hoping IAP would be better so that I didn't just write a really depressing half-assed post about "how my MEng is going/not going" here.

Well, IAP did go better! I finally figured out a path forward and have been able to make progress on my project on my own. This has led to a generally improved sense of purpose in life, which was VERY missing last semester. I think what was missing was my usual shenanigans that I randomly find myself in with my friends, whether it's hackathons or spontaneous trips or literally forming startups. But in my own way, I've done a couple things of interest in the past few months in addition to my research, just to keep this blog fun haha, no other reason

My Actual Research

So last semester was rough because I was ramping up to a somewhat new project, a new direct supervisor, and a new degree program/way of life..... all remotely. I thought it would be fine, and yet it wasn't? I talked to some of my friends who started a full time job, and nearly all of them agreed, that ramping up to a new job in zoom land was extremely difficult. One of them said they hadn't even finished ramping up yet (T.T) I reflected a lot on why it was hard, and I determined it was because I only had one or two hours of scheduled face to face with my direct supervisor per week, and little to no other guidance outside of that. I was trying to learn as much as I could about existing research, which was not only in compilers (which, to be honest, I didn't know a lot about), but also in computer architecture (which I also did not know much about at all) and trying to understand things from discussions where I barely had a foundational knowledge to begin with. I struggled to even find the questions to ask that would help me out.

At this point, my supervisor was also really busy with his own deadlines, and I don't think he had much management experience of his own, so it was also probably hard for him. If we were in person, he'd be able to sense the confusion in my face and I'd be able to pop by his office whenever I needed, even if that was every day. But zoom calls are laggy and poor resolution and emails asking for help are often left unread. For the first two months of my MEng, it was mostly like this, just kind of feeling I was bumbling along, not really sure what I should be doing.

Wow, my imposter syndrome was off the charts. I began to panic about whether I’d be able to finish my degree on time, even though I was like literally like. two (2) months into this endeavor. At some point in November (I think literally right around the election), I felt really, really worthless, as a researcher, as a contributing member of society, and I felt really, really lonely and constantly anxious because I didn’t have like //my job// to ground me to reality. The Thursday after this, I sat on the Esplanade with my friend, our feet hanging over the water and we watched the sun go down. As we talked, I felt myself grounded again, and my overthinking brain calmed down for the time being.

When I went home, I decided I was going to find outside things to occupy me if my research was going to. I signed up to be a tech lead for my school’s Google Developer’s Student Club (yes, I really cannot leave Google), and I signed up to interview for MIT. I decided to #manage #up and make things better re:research by asserting my confusion??? if that makes sense lol

By Thanksgiving, I was home in California, and I felt like I had a way better plan moving forward for my research and was busy planning a few things here and there for my various obligations. I was also taking microeconomics for fun, which was actually.... really fun (as it turns out).

IAP

This IAP was pretty much just an extension of the semester, I mean like I guess that is just how MEng goes lol, but I actually did a good amount of /stuff/ this IAP. I would usually work on my research for the morning and some of the afternoon, and in the afternoon I would bake or go on walks with my mom and workout, and in the evenings, I would work on my other obligations, or read, or other random side projects. Such side projects include: investing in penny stocks, writing music, creating tiktoks

I have very little to report on IAP, i really haven’t done much anything noteworthy in the past couple months tbh lol. My research has been going a lot better, I have more of an idea of how I can troubleshoot/explore different avenues on my own, and I can get a lot done before asking for help. The 8am meetings are killing me though. I have one tomorrow and I will complain about it surely. Not sure if anything is going to change for the upcoming semester, though I decided to just become a straight up econ major for my last semester for no apparent reason, so that’ll be fun1!11!! (i registered for three econ classes lol) MIT told us they were vaccinating us when the time comes, so that’s good too !!!

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autumnpleaves · 4 years ago

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can you tell me about your friends? -C (you dont have to)

Ooh! Sure, C! No problem! Hmm, since it doesn’t really specify which ‘friends’ you’re talking about, I’m going to talk about IRL and online ones! XD

This is gonna be a long one, but only because I love, appreciate, and care for my friends :)

So let’s start with my...

IRL friends ^-^

I won’t be using their ‘real names’ so... meh.

First up we have Eggen! :)

She’s such a joy to be around (no this is not sarcastic). She has this weird fluctuating emotions sometimes and it’s scary to deal with (but not as scary as Jessie-). Funny story about how we actually met was that we had this conjoining class in Ext. Maths and she was from another class. I was still a new student then, so I wasn’t really familiar with anyone and my friends from *my* class were in Ext. Maths too, and were friends with Eggen, hence we all had this weird group thingy at one portion of the classroom and we hung out together.

Now see, here, we weren’t really *friends* then. More like acquaintances XD

BUT-

I texted her because I saw in her profile, that she was a *HUFFLEPUFF* (which is different now, because it didn’t fit anymore- She’s a slytherin now :)) and I texted her saying “OH MY GOSH! YOU’RE A HUFFLEPUFF TOO?!!” I was a dork. It was stupid. And she replied “Haha, yeah...” and lemme tell you, I’m surprised why she’s still my friend to this day XD

She’s improved a lot since then, and I am honestly quite frankly really *really* proud of her. She’s grown a lot (literally, coz she’s short and metaphorically, coz she’s so talented and skilled and smart now! [Not that she wasn’t smart before, just saying, definitely you can see progress]) She’s talented in drawing, ballet, has great ideas, really hard working, productive, one of the most inspirational person I know :) I’m glad to call her my friend :D

(Only I get to call her Eggen though 0-0 ANyONe else who dares, will get a smack from me-) ALSO did I mention she likes to torture people by throwing her erasers at them? It’s funnnn memories :’)

Next up we haveeeee Lizze!!

Lizze now this one, I didn’t meet until like... at least a year after Eggen. Honestly. Don’t judge me, our school is biiggggggg. She had long hair then. At first I see her here and there, and it was pretty chill. Nothing too... ya know- friendsy just like oh yeah I recognize you. We were in the same scholarship program! So that was fun! :)

We didn’t officially properly meet until like a year after though, and well let’s just say it was fun. She’s one of the only friends I was able to rope into watching Sanders Sides with me and is also a huge geek nerd XD She’s ALSO REALLY REALLY HECKING TALENTED IN WRITING?! LIke WHAT?! WHo even?!

Yeah, such a great friend. She’s one of the people I go to when in need of any writing advice, or just advice in general! She really gives that second opinion and really takes things into account and I’m really just plain glad to call her my friend. I love her so much and like we would discuss and hang out sometimes on VC late into the night and it’d be funny watching her trying to navigate around her messy room :’) Ahh! Fun times XD

Then we have... NICO!! :)

Nico... was my first ever friend. Literally. In the new school. I’m gonna lay down the scenario XD

I walked into class on orientation day, not aa lot of students were there yet, I was early (for once). Nico was sitting on the left side of a table (we had two student tables) two rows from the back, near the windows. I walked in and was like Hm. Where should I sit? So I Decided that I wasn’t gonna be a wimp and decided to walk and sit next to Nico. He was also surprisingly a new student, so we kinda like related for a bit XD

Flashforward and Nico is one of my close friends? I mean he’s there and he’s fun to hang out with XD (I don’t do labels, sorry XD) We would joke around, play around, and he’s just a great fella all around! It’s just sometimes people might make fun of him and he’d get insecure sometimes, which makes me sad and yeah! Favorite memories with him would always be in Ext. Math. We’ve landed in the same class (coz we switch around every year) like twice and everytime it’d be the same! And well every time in Math I would ‘show off’ my amazing math skills and he’d try to compete with me. It was fun every time. *dreamy sigh*

I miss the competitions really. We’d compete to see who would finish first, who would do what part, and when either of us are confused we would annoy the other to get the answer XD I miss him :’)

Then we get... JILL! :D

Jill was another friend I met in my first year at the school. At first, she used to hang out with this other friend because they were stuck to each other since like primary, but slowly they drifted (which in my opinion might be for the best 😬)

She’s an otaku. A pure bred otaku. I had to deal with her anime fanatic years for like... 3 years and counting now. Why. But she’s wonderful and drawing and would always have this bad habit of drawing on anything and literally whatever surface she finds. The desk, her notebooks, her test papers, her *SKIN*, *MY* skin, her WATER BOTTLE (like what THE HECK- JILL?!) but like, it’s endearing XD

She’s great at complaining and hates hugs. She also hates mangoes- (If you remember what my catchphrase was? Yeah the, “GUESS WHAT? JILL HATES MANGOES” yeah it’s this Jill XD) I’m not joking. She’s great at complaining XD

Funny story is that once we had to do this video project thing and we just had Jill complain about the amount of homework we had to like compare stuff and what not, and she did it. IN ONE BREATH. NO HESITATIONS. NO SCRIPT. ONE TAKE. WE were all DYING after that XDDD Coz she’s literally known as a complainer and she has great logic skills. She also really LOVES money... so... i mean... yeah. She’s really like... conservative with her money but isn’t afraid to use it to spoil others, but not herself XD

Finally but not the last (I got more friends, but I don’t really... connect with them enough?) is BEEP! (no this is not her actual name, I just don’t really call her by her real name much)

The OG friend from first day of school! Nico? YEah Step ASIDE BRO! XDD This gal is my go-to cuddle buddy. LIterally. Our moms are kinda like... besties? (*shrugs* it’s complicated) so we kinda do a lot of things together XD We go to gym together, go to places together, road trip together. She’s a joy to be around. She is like the cuddliest and well usually she does get teased about for being fluffy but like that’s the best part about her 🥺. Her mom is also really picky about her appearance which as her friends, we were pretty annoyed by it, but I love her the way she is :)

First day of school and she walked by and asked to sit next to me. I said yes, without looking at her, coz I was *shy* (shush). Then we had an ice-breaker thing and LMAO guess what we bonded on-

FRICKING HARRY STYLES AND WATTPAD- (look, if you’ve been on wattpad, you’d know that Harry Styles stories on there is never really... safe. in a sense.) SO, we’d immediately bonded over that and literally the rest of the day was history. We’d go through class everyday together and it would be a blast, OF COURSE she had other friends and I had mine, we weren’t really in the same ‘stereotypical’ group (like she has the more... *mean girls* kinda group [I’M NOT SAYING SHE’S MEAN! But, I’m saying that they have the popular group- yeah there that XD])

I had my own group but we hang anyways because it’s fun. She has the most beautiful laugh, like... literally the loudest and beautiful-est laugh ever XD We have so many inside jokes. She’d hold on to them and start laughing randomly XD She cries a lot when she laughs so that always spurs us to continue laughing, gosh damn it, I miss her. I’m smiling so hard writing this.

XDD

Aight! That’s from my IRL friends!

Next we have my online friends! :DDD

First up, we have YAWN! :D

Yawn is quite frankly, the first person I ever actually connected to on Tumblr here XD

I’ve been through tens and hundreds of discord servers, jumped in tumblr group chats, and no where have I ever met anyone as wonderful as Yawn. Literally.

I would say we pretty much clicked and when *she* (look I asked okay. they said yes to all pronouns so- >:3 I’m going to have fun with it XD) expressed xeir love for PUNS of all things, literally, I was shooketh. SO I LITERALLY SPAMMED HIM WITH ALL THE PUNS I COULD THINK OF- ANd then HE LITErally PropOSEd- XDDD I don’t know man. It’s amazing :’) I don’t know how I got this lucky.

Yawn is like that refreshing giddiness you have as a child when you see a new toy or something. Yeah that’s Yawn. Literally every time we text it’s just so damn wholesome and so fun and it’s great! We’d talk about the most random things ever and it’d be amazing :))

Hhhhhhhhhhh, I’m just so damn proud of zem. LIke. Literally. Xir has come so far, and like... we haven’t really met for long yet but I just care about xir sooooooooooooooo much. It has always been there for me and I’m just so appreciative of it. We have so many- *WHEEZE* inside jokes- XDDD

One I can think of is literally “I run you, Shakespeare” and it’s HILARIou- XDDDDDDDDDDDD

I can’t- It’s beautiful XD

I just can’t believe that our friendship literally started with me just sucking up my anxiety and just texting people stuff and I honestly don’t know how it continued from there- XD

They are the most accepting person I know. Genuinely. I don’t know where I’d be without them :’)

Next we have... VOMMY! :DDD Or C-Gal... We gotta bring that nickname back XD

First of all, we met in a Fander Pride Meet Up server. VOmmy CAN SPEAK DUTCH and is SOO CREATIve and SO FRIckING Hard WOrking and such an inspiration. Always greets us and is always down for hugs and cuddles XD

Such a great tea friend, and has like the best aesthetic ever- literally. So old and vintage like a vintage mom and always down to talk about stuff! Ze is soooooo smart as well! And would infodump sometimes when ze’s not busy about stuff that I absolutely adore and love to hear about! Honestly the best vommy ever and ze has PLANTS like- *Woooooooooo!*

We met vommy and literally we can always geek out with zem. Sometimes life gets hard and we need to scream it out every now and then, and vommy would be there :)))

I am so proud of zem and just so damn happy to call zem my friend uwu

ALSO HAVE I MENTIONED THAT ZE CAN SING AND PLAY THE UKE AND WRITE SONGS LIKE WHAT THE HECK THAT’S EPIC AH

Then we haveeeeee... STARBURST! OR BOB THE BUILDER!

ANOTHER friendo we met in the Fander Pride Meet Up Server (seriously a lot of cool friendos there). One of the best advice givers and the most caring older sibling ever. Literally. Like I can’t stress this enough. He’s such a great cousin duck and just a great listener friendo ever.

Such a fricking talented writer and MUSICIAN AND FRICKING ARTIST LITERALLY THE WHOLE SHEBANG IT’s RIDICulOUS

I’m literally so proud of him. It’s crazy. He’s always been there for us, all of us. And is there to provide hugs and arms to cry on. ALSO HAVE I EVER MENTIONED HOW BEAUTIFUL HE IS??! LIKE WHAT THE HECK- AHhhhhHHHHHH

SO BEAUTIFUl- and PRETTY and GORGEOUS

Next we haveeeeeee- POPPY the POPTART! :D

First time we met in the Fander Pride Meetup, I may of may not have offended them. 0-0

woops.

I still feel really bad about that honestly. Uhhh, anyways, I won’t go too in depth on that. BUT ANYWAYS-

THEy Have been such a WONDERFUL presence in my life. LIterally. LIke They have such an cheerful vibe ever and would never fail to make me laugh or like coo or like anything coz they are soooo ADORABLE! They are also like really great cuddler and hugger and sooooo sooooo sooooo handsome :DD

Sure there are rough patches in their lives, but I adore them and am sooo sooo soo proud of them for being able to go through it and still come out with their heads high and just so damn happy that they will not give up that easily. I really admire their strength, and we are always there to support if they need help :)

Also, go check out @/poptartsaysurloved pinned post. See if anyone is willing or can help! :)

Next we have... ATLAS! Or LAssie as I like to call him XD

He’s one of the screaming cereal that I most definitely did not meet in the Fander Pride Meet Up and instead in another server and I’m glad to have met him XD

I don’t know the *exact* thing I texted him, but I definitely remember asking him about something in his status and I most definitely was satisfied with my answer and we just started talking in DMs for a bit, before I invited him in to the screaming cereal bowl server! :D

IT IS A BLAST

LITERALLY

ARSon kid can’t go a day without wanting to blow something up and frankly I’m concerned but such a great friendo

Provider of memes, jokes, laughs, hugs, cuddles, and fun time XD

I can’t even, it’s crack head moments every time with that lassie XD

AHHHHHHHHHHHH FINALLY but obviously not the LAST W E HAVE HEDGIE the ShellY HOGGLES

HONESTLY I LOVE THIS GURLY SOHECKING MUCH

She deals with my bull crap every day kind of and deals with a bunch of my mushy feelingsy moments! I can’t stress enough. Literally Shelly McScotty over here is like the most relatable person ever. Mood all the way and we have like SOO MANY SIMILAR INTERESTS

IT’s CRAZY! When I first found out that she watches like Unus Annus, Winx Club (SHOOSH IT’S A GOOD SHOW SHUSH) Literally, I’m like this is the best person ever. She’s also knowledgeable in a lot of stuff and is literally like the best person to go to when you need to get like informational stuff

Literally. I would info dump on her and she’d be such a great listener. Fricking Disney and Potterhead GEEK of the decade. HOly heck this lady is the literal embodiment of a disney princess. FIRST OF ALL, PERSONALITY IS THERE. SECOND OF ALL, HER LOOKS! HAVE YOU SEEN? LITERALLY SO DROP DEAD GORGEOUS ON FLEEK MAKEUP! AHHHHHh

I can’t get enough of this dude. Gives great advice and insight on soooo many things and I’m just so glad to have met this gurl. I don’t know how exactly we met, but I’m glad we did.

MIND YOU most of my friends are either from Tumblr or Discord so XD

AHHHHHHHHh

Welp! This was a fun! I definitely spent wayyyyyyyyy too long on this thing, but it’s worth it! XD

Hope you have fun learning about my friends from like a freaking geeking out stand point Canon! :D

I have a feeling you wouldn’t read through this entire thing, so well... AH! Hope you have a nice day and don’t sleep too late! Tell me about your friends as well! :))

#caps tw #caps #tw caps #anon stuff #anon #c-anon #canon #friends stuff #long post #I definitely did tag them in my Recs and Friends. And you'll see the occasional reblog or ask #answered stuff

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