#it’s how they flirt your honor

[starweaversguidetothehazbinhotel]

I love that it’s fanon that the only authority Alastor is capable of respecting (dead or alive) is his Mama.

I also love the idea that Lucifer finds it amusing to see a weak little human with so much pride.

“Looks like you could use some help” ♥️

A human Alastor meets the Devil 📻🍎

[atoltia]

March can be easily flustered...

...If he was aware that the things that he did or were done to him were to be taken as gestures of affection, whether it be platonic or romantic.

There was a method to his madness. Simplicity in logic was to be preferred over convoluted solutions and discussions. The most direct course of action to reach perfection, even when that particular avenue could be misconstrued into something else.

But he couldn't always see it.

When you pointed out that he was being sweet when he gave you that hoe (after fully insulting you, please do not forget) knowing full well how much pride he has on his work, how much blood and sweat he spent on meticulously crafting it to the best it could be, he was a blubbering mess.

He was sober that time so he had the mind to throw you out of the shop with a rather hasty slam to the door, leaving you cackling loud enough for him to hear from inside the blacksmith (loud enough, mind you, to wake up Olric from wherever the hell he was taking a nap).

That one moment you told him that you found it sweet that he took the time to teach you on how to use his forge (with the thickly veiled threat that he will break your arms if you so much as damage his equipment. Don't worry, you threatened to shove his sorry ass into the fire if he ever tried. Both of you had to pull Olric away from the forge because he would have actually fallen into it after laughing so much at the both of you), you were sure he was gonna have a stroke.

When you heard him mention at the Saturday market that he liked hot chocolate, he banged his shin into the stall accidentally when he saw that you bought him a cup (he did accuse you of bribing Darcy to poison it, though. Little shit had the gall to slap your hand away like a greedy little gremlin when you tried to take it back. Both of you were bickering so much that the poor cup of hot chocolate had to be saved by Olric lest it get spilled).

Little instances led you to believe that the man was just a blubbering mess of nerves and embarrassment whenever he ever gets associated with being sweet.

But then there was that time when he took your hand into his, examined every digit, ever crevice, every scratch, every contusion with such intimate concentration that you thought your heart would fail from beating so fast (you didn't even hear him lecture you about being a dumbass in the mines again while he bandaged you, so congratulations on that little victory).

There was that time where you injured your hand (again) and was unable to properly eat your meal. Josephine offered to help you but the gremlin of a man already took it upon himself to feed you himself, all the while continuing the lecture that he started two days before (don't worry, you were much too focused on his very close proximity to you and not choking on the food that you didn't have the mental capacity to process whatever the fuck he was saying).

And then there was that time, one horrible autumn morning, that that fake redhead came barreling towards you, come to a full stop, and rather abruptly press his forehead into yours. You felt yourself short circuit for a moment, hyper aware of the fact that he smelled like nice cinnamon chocolate, both his warm, calloused hands gently pressed at your shoulders to keep you steady, that you didn't even realize that he was berating you for sporting a fever after overworking yourself for the nth time this season (not even when he hauled your ass up his shoulders and dumped you at the clinic himself. Valen wasn't sure if she was impressed or horrified).

None of these changes the fact that he was a wuss at being given compliments. But maybe, just maybe, he was also too dense at being able to pick up on the way his method of care ripped your heart into a torrent of emotion, turning you into the blushing, heart clutching disaster that you often thought of him as. And yeah, maybe you were a little lovestruck. Him too, possibly. Probably. Who the fuck knows. Neither of you surely don't.

(And between you and me, you wouldn't have it any other way.)

(You still hope the son of a bitch kisses you sometime soon, though.)

-0-

check out my masterlist lmao

[dullahen]

underwater karaoke~

I imagine they are blasting fallout boy, but feel free to be funnier than me, i won’t cry i promise-

[adharastarlight]

barty: I wish someone would look at me like i look at a menu

evan: at least a menu has something to offer

@ravensire

@70swizards

[starweaversguidetothehazbinhotel]

I need Lucifer to portray the EXACT SAME energy that Alastor gave Pentious.

Frog blinks. Waves of dismissal. Not even an inkling of who this TV asshole might be. Certainly not a demon worthy of his time. Besides- his daughter’s bellhop does a fine job of getting rid of the nuisance.

It’s not until Vox actually lays his hands on Alastor that Lucifer remembers him. And…. it’s not pretty.

The thought of Lucifer spatting with Vox over Alastor is hilarious, but I think it's even funnier if Lucifer just doesn't even register Vox's existence. Vox keeps rolling up and demanding Lucifer fight him and Lucifer's just, "Who are you again?"

✨

[stellocchia]

Some more incorrect quotes for Color and Killer, now with the Bad Sanses extended family in the mix! (Aka, them if Color keeps stealing Nightmare's henchman)

---

Killer: I am so cool. I am an absolute Chad. I am the epitome of coolness and awesomeness—

Color: Hi.

Killer: *melts down in a flustered heap of softness*

-

Killer, at an awards show: Well, first of all, I’d like to thank Color, the love of my life, for telling me Dust was going to win so don’t bother to prepare a speech.

-

Cross: Self-care is suppressing all your trauma until it comes back and hits you in the face with the force of 7 very large trucks.

Killer: Mood

Color: Therapy, both of you

-

Horror: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it. And I started thinking. Like, it was just trying to get food. What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?

Killer: Are you ok?

-

Dust, skipping rocks on a lake with Killer: It’s such a beautiful evening.

Killer: Yeah, it is.

Killer: *whispering* Take that you fucking lake.

-

*The Squad is gathered in the living room for a meeting*

Color: *walks in and sits on Killer’s lap*

The Squad: …

Dust: Why are you sitting there?

Color: There’s no free seats!

Dust: But we made sure there was enough room for-

Killer: *hugs Color tightly* There are no free seats.

-

Color: But what about Cross?

Killer: Don't worry about him. I once watched him fall down 5 flights of stairs, stand up, and keep eating his hotdog like nothing happened.

-

Horror, gesturing to Killer: Cross, look what you did! You made Mom upset!

Dust: Mom, please don’t cry, we’re sorry!

Cross: I’m sorry Mom... :(

Killer, near tears: I DON’T REMEMBER GIVING BIRTH TO ANY OF YOU!

-

Horror: Hey, Color?

Color: Yeah?

Horror: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it’s on?

Color:

Color: Where’s Dust?

-

Dust: That shirt looks great, Color.

Color: Thanks.

Dust: But I bet it would look even better on Killer's floor.

Killer: Are you hitting on Color... for me?

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

Obi: excuse me, have either of you ever been arrested

Shirayuki: yes

Zen: yeah how could you tell

Obi: I was going to say “because it’s illegal to be that cute” but now I’m curious

Zen: aggravated assault

Shirayuki: felony arson

[teenagemutanttismturtles]

[chaoticcollectivestrawberry]

Okay, keep your secrets...

[rxttenfish]

one of those fun little traits that endlessly humor me about writing miranda but that i dont really get to talk about is that shes a reverse monsterfucker. and shes REALLY obvious about it once you notice it.

like shes out here just talking like all the monsterfuckers do but its specifically about humans. their hands are so soft, so small, so dexterious and light... their skin is so soft, so smooth. they are covered in fuzz and hair and have such an excellent mane right up on top of their heads that makes them look so proud and noble. they curve so excellently, all supple and with so many excellent handholds to keep them close. they are even self-heated! they feel so warm all of the time! perfect for cuddles, perfect for holding close, they let you know all of their little parting touches and make it so obvious every time they do touch you!!

honestly, to miranda humans are like... a luxury good. like thats the association in her mind, between the feeling of our hair and skin, and the way that it is skin and presses inwards to provide cushioning, and are warmed, and fit perfectly against her. shes like someone getting flustered for a werepanther. its really very cute.

[icarusflyingtoclose]

Change my mind, but

BBC Merlin's

"I can take you apart with one blow"

"I could take you apart with less"

and Fox 911's

"I wouldn't do that - you're on blood thinners."

"Oh, I'd still take you"

"You think so? (smirk)"

"Oh I know -- You wanna go for the title?"

Have the exact same vibe.

[designernishiki]

losing my mind over this being on mine’s tv tropes page. like what the fuck are you talking about

[oldmisfortune]

Edit: i got self conscious about my writing 🤐

[baekuras]

Going for Lucanis romance and while it is indeed a case of going "Wait what" when other characters comment on the romance bc tbh i wasn't sure AT LEAST HE DIDN'T RUN OUT RIGHT AFTER A GOOD NIGHT LIKE FENRIS

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

i know that ep12 with its sunbathing scene at the market place is known as one of the most romantic scenes in the show and i dearly love it too BUT HAVE U EVER LAID EYES UPON THE RIVER SCENE AT THE START OF EP12 BECAUSE AAAA

[oozedninjas]

You love plants? heheheh MWAHAHAHHA

HOW ABOUT YOU PLANT DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH MWHHAHAHAHHAHA /jk

-⚙️