#it’s gonna hurt! it’s gonna suck! I’m gonna have to at least try to download ibispaint on my ancient ipad

[mr-snailman]

hmmm gotta pick up a cheap screen protector somewhere and then we are back in business baby

[irkenheretic]

(How I Learned) How To Read Irken: A Guide

(Pictured: Us....) (From @zimgay​ ‘s lovely animatic!)

Okay, I’m finally making this post. 

If you’ve been following me for a while, you might have caught on that I can read Irken. When I started, I was completely confused over wether or not I was teaching myself correctly, how long it’d take, et cetera. But I’ve finally hashed it out for myself, and I thought:

Why not make a guide for anyone else who wants to learn but has no idea where to start? 

So that’s what I’m doing. Some disclaimers, though:

- This is what worked for me. It may or may not work for you, I’m not sure. I think it’s a pretty good method, though.

- Reading Irken and Writing Irken are two different skillsets. I’m gonna show you how to do both, but don’t worry if you’re better at one than the other. 

- This will probably take a while of daily (or near-daily) practice to learn. It’s not impossible, it’s not super challenging, but it’s not super easy, especially if you have memory problems like I do. (For context: I started in September. But I also have a really shitty memory so, like. It might take less time for you.)

Okay! Let’s do this!

First off, you’d probably do well downloading the Irken font for practice purposes. Messing around with it and typing in it is fun, and can help!

You’ll also need a notebook. It’s not required, but having it all in one place is super convenient. (And, if it’s tiny enough, you can carry it around whenever, and also have it on hand to whip out at cons.)

The first thing I did was write each individual letter over and over and over again. This is what’s at the start of my notebook, and writing the letters over and over helped me remember which were which. I also had to focus pretty hard on what letter this actually was, this is tedious as hell but it’s not something you can do mindlessly.

(Pictured: Normal levels of interest in a show.)

This is what my notebook looks like. Don’t worry about those simplified versions of the letters yet, but you’re gonna wanna leave room for them. Don’t worry about learning simplified/handwritten until later, it helps recognition if you really have to focus on actually drawing the letters, at first.

(And yes, I know my pen is really smudgy. And that my H’s suck.)

After this, three letter words are your friend. Pick just, common three letter words you know, and write them down a lot. I have just, the Irken for “THE” written in the margins of my class notebooks a TON. Once you feel like you can remember that word well, go onto another 3 letter word with a different set of letters. Recognition = good, so pick something you like, use all the time. 

While I was doing this, I tried to string together Irken letters I knew into like, coherent phrases. I was very bad at this at first. Acronyms are your friend here, lmao. (I don’t think I can count the number of times I’ve written ‘u r a qt pie’ in my notebooks.) It doesn’t matter what you write, just that it makes coherent sense. 

There are gonna be some uncommon letters that are gonna be hard to practice, like W and Z, off the top of my head. For Z, that was easy. I just wrote ZIM over and over and over. For W... I used UWU. You laugh now, but the absurdity of it cements that I will always recognize those two letters. 

Four letter words are also good. (Please, absolutely write “FUCK” over and over in order to remember letters. I encourage it.)

There is also the absolute cuntwaffles. Y’know how in English, b, p, d, g, all look kinda the same? Yeah, Irken has that too. 

(Pictured: Head hurting juice.)

The I and Z don’t look that similar now, but good luck without a translation guide. By this point, you should have memorized a good chunk of the Irken alphabet, and be able to recognize some others when you see them. If you’ve been writing common three- or four-letter words, it’s likely you’ve been using letters very common in the English language. Which brings us to our next stage, and the actual fun part: 

READING! 

You’re gonna want a translation guide on hand in these early stages, you will need it. The main goal of this stage is to read anything in Irken you can get your hands on- but start small! Fanart with Irken in it was a godsend to me. It’s not that long, so it’s not overwhelming. I did need to look up some letters at the beginning, and I read really slowly, but that’ll change quickly if you keep up with it! The specific fanarts I used are:

@inimoose​ ‘s The Last Irken comic, specifically chapter one: part one, and chapter two: part two have a lot of Irken. But I’d recommend reading the whole comic; it’s good!

@paketdimensioncomic​ ‘s page of lore for their comic! Spoilers, though. Again, I’d recommend reading through the whole comic, because it’s just that good. 

@xryn-art​ ‘s Linguistic Au’s first comic has a good chunk of Irken! The other comics do have some, but it’s all translated. Still good practice, though, if you wanna... read them......... ;) ;) ;) 

Yes, this segment was partially a way for me to plug my favorite fan-artists, (or at least the ones that use Irken,) sue me. It’s my guide and I make the rules here.

(I am very sorry if I bothered any of you by @’ing you.)

But just some sources isn’t enough, so I introduce you to browser fonts. And changing yours to Irken. 

It will not effect everything in your browser, and it can be toggled on and off, so don’t worry. If you really want, you can download a separate browser to change the font of, and leave your normal one be. It’d be convenient if you could, since having your browser font be Irken is inconvenient if you need to use Wikipedia, like, ever. 

Here’s a guide for that, for Chrome, Firefox, Opera, and Internet Explorer for some reason. You’ll see four options to change, I just changed all of them. Not every page is going to have Irken on it, though. For me, Wikipedia is all in Irken, and so is TV Tropes. And some Tumblr blogs (PAKet Dimension’s is one, just in case you need a reason to go back there ;)) But it might be different for you. 

Whatever it is, now you have a nice way to practice. I read Wikipedia articles on stuff I already knew about (so I wasn’t completely lost and could figure out what letters I didn’t know were from context clues,) but not a page I’ve read before in recent memory- you might just be recalling what the page said, instead of actually reading it.

And about the absolute cuntwaffle letters: yes, this will help you in recognizing which are which. Seeing the letters in context is always going to be much more helpful than just, a bunch of meaningless squiggles floating in the void.

At this point, I personally am much better at reading than writing Irken. It’s one thing to know a letter when you see it, and another to recall it and write it down from memory. Right now, I’m trying to write song lyrics and dumb little phrases in Irken, to improve my writing skills. Again, nothing too long, don’t overwhelm yourself. This sounds stupid, but Vines are good. When I don’t remember a letter, I just leave it blank and look it up after I’m done. 

Another thing that helps is having a friend to practice with, or someone to just give you Irken phrases for you to translate. 

Once you’re around this stage, you can try to learn simplified/handwritten Irken. You can also try to learn it before this, I started it around when I started reading fanart for practice, it’s up to you. This guide is a good starting point, but you don’t have to follow it exactly. This is your handwriting, do what feels natural for you!

(Also, don’t even worry about speedwrite Irken. That has no place in this holy land and frankly I am scared of it.)

And that’s... pretty much it! Most of the process is just... practicing a lot. 

If this post does well, I might make a server for people who wanna learn Irken to practice together and stuff. It all depends if anyone even wants to learn Irken. 

EDIT: Well, guess what I ended up making just the next day. Here’s the post for the server, and please read the joining rules.

Also, if you wanna learn Irken numbers, here you go. But start with letters first, worry about numbers later. These are never used, aren’t even in the Irken font, and three of them look a lot like those cuntwaffle Irken letters. 

Anyway I just really hope this guide helps someone out. If you do use it, tell me! And have fun learning Irken!! It really is just, a blast to do honestly.

[kyber-crystal]

Be Careful

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: ~2.7k

Summary: You patch up an injured Captain after he comes back from a rather rough mission late at night.

Warnings: mentions of blood, violence, soft steve, cocky steve :)

A/N: this was one of my older oneshots...so it sucks

"Thor, it's 3 in the morning. Why are you trying to cook Pop-Tarts in the toaster at this ungodly hour?"

"My apologies, Lady Y/N. I did not mean to wake you," the Norse god gave you an innocent smile. "I heard toaster Pop-Tarts are quite delicious, so I decided to try my hand at making some myself."

"No no, it's fine," you waved him off, "I've been awake for a while, anyways. You can just carry on if you want, but try not to blow anything up, alright?"

"Yes, ma'am."

You'd been waiting for Steve to return from his solo mission, and currently, you, Thor, and Sam were the only ones awake in the compound. Not wanting to fall asleep without knowing if he was alright and returned in one piece, you were planning to stay up for as long as necessary. Fatigue was tugging at your eyes for a while now, but you couldn't care less. You'd handled worse things than sleep deprivation.

Just as the Pop-Tarts finished cooking and Thor took them to his room to eat as he watched Gossip Girl by himself on his MacBook, you decided to watch TV to fill the silence that had settled in around the lounge.

Around half an hour later you heard the elevator doors slide open, revealing an exhausted-looking Steve Rogers. His face was streaked with dust and debris, dried blood sticking to his dirty-blonde hair and a tired look in his icy-blue eyes, but you still thought he looked perfect regardless.

"Hey," you greeted him as he stepped forward, setting his duffel bag off to the side.

"I made it," he exhaled, "it was a bit of a pain trying to escape, but other than that, it ran pretty smoothly."

"That's good," you nodded. He inhaled deeply as he sat down at the edge of the couch.

It was only until you looked down and saw he was clutching his side that you realized he'd been severely injured.

"Shit shit shit shit, Rogers, what the hell happened," you muttered frantically as you tried to pull him into a more upright position to examine his wound. "Who hurt you?"

"HYDRA. And language," he croaked out, laughing lightly before being overcome by a coughing fit, wincing in pain. "Ow, that hurt. But I'm fine."

"No, you're not fine!" you whisper-shouted. Blood was seeping through his uniform and gushing out of his wound at an alarming pace. "You think you can stand and walk for a bit? I need to get you down to the lab to treat your wound. Bruce is asleep so I can't get him."

"Maybe?"

You let out a sigh of disbelief, slinging an arm across his shoulders and helping him down the hall to the lab, sitting him down in a chair you pulled up next to the examination table. You quickly grabbed all the necessary medical supplies and set them down next to him.

Steve took his hand off his stomach and you tried not to faint at the sight of it coming away covered in blood, making bile rise up in your throat.

"That bad, huh," he joked, but grimaced when he tried to move slightly.

"Stop moving!" you scolded as you came forward, "you're gonna make it worse if you do! I need to take the bullet out, so don't move."

"I'm fine," he reassured you.

"No, you're not. Now shut up and stay still."

"What's with the hesitation?"

"Um...you need to...remove your suit..." you spluttered.

A smirk came across Steve's face. "Sure."

"Not here!" you raised your voice. "You know what...just...take off the top...part..so I can get to your wound easily..."

"If you wanted a piece of this, you could've just asked," he grinned cheekily.

"Shut up!" you squeaked. "Just...take it off."

You sucked in a breath as he slid the top part of his suit off, revealing his toned shoulders and torso.

"I'm sorry for making you all flustered."

"Shut! Up!" you whisper-shouted as you began to treat his wound, flinching at the spark you felt running up your body when your skin came in contact with his during the process. "I'm not flustered!"

You almost cringed as he hissed in pain when the metal tweezers came in contact with his skin, trying to keep your fingers from shaking as you removed the bullet. "Sorry, sorry, sorry, this'll only take another minute..."

Letting out a breath of relief you didn't know you'd been holding inside, you dropped the bullet onto a tray off to your side and wiped your hands before grabbing the thick roll of bandages to wrap up his wound.

"There," you dusted off your hands, "it's over. I'm gonna clean up your face now, and then you're going to not overwork yourself by not sparring four hours a day for the next week."

"Y/N..."

"Listen to me, Steve. You aren't gonna get better if you keep overworking yourself, so you're gonna do as I say and rest."

"Aye aye, Captain," he mock saluted you.

"Now," you sighed, "if you aren't tired, I can go make us some coffee if you want."

"That sounds nice," the super-soldier agreed.

"Try standing up on your own now," you said, "if you can't I'll help you over there."

"Y/N, I'm fine," he reassured you as he gripped the edge of the table and stood up, "see? Stop worrying. I can handle myself perfectly well."

You sighed again. "Alright, fine. Let's go, then. Get changed first, then meet me in the lounge once you're done."

You headed to the kitchen and as he sat down at the couch, now changed into a soft white T-shirt and grey sweats, you plugged in the coffee maker and got out the pods from the pantry. Hopefully, Tony wouldn't mind you using a few of them.

God, you really needed to stop staring at him so much.

But it's not my fault he wears tight shirts all the time! another voice yelled back inside your head.

"You okay, Y/N? You look kinda pale," Steve commented as he looked back to see your now-pale face.

"Yes, what, huh?" you blinked several times, shaking your head and snapping out of your momentary daze. "Yeah, I'm okay. You want your coffee black, or with milk?"

"Black," he replied simply, rubbing his forehead and yawning, stretching his arms up in the air.

You poured the coffee into two separate mugs once they were ready, putting milk in one and handing one over to Steve before taking a seat next to him on the sofa. "Now, will you tell me how the hell you got hit? I should know that, at least."

"Caught in the crossfire," Steve replied simply. "Got unlucky, and took a hit, right as I was getting the data files downloaded."

"Sounds like a repeat of Montpellier," you raised an eyebrow at him in suspicion, "except that time, it was me."

"Trouble always seems to find us, huh," he hummed, taking a sip of his drink.

"When I was the one to get hit, I knew what I was getting myself into. I jumped in front of Peter to take a bullet meant for him. You, on the other hand, decided to just jump into the fight without looking at the possible outcomes."

"Wow, sounds like you actually care about the great Captain," he smirked. "Thought you had no heart."

"You're funny. I'm not completely heartless, you know. I care about people."

"Well, well, well, look what we have here," you heard someone clap slowly from behind you and when you turned around, there stood a rather smug-looking Pietro. "Heartless warrior and Cap finally getting some action. Nice."

"Since when were you awake? I thought you were sleeping," you were now confused.

"I was playing against Sam in Mario Kart this entire time. I think that's a solid enough reason to stay up," the speedster explained. "Steve, when'd you get back?"

"Fifteen minutes ago."

"You didn't die?"

"I'm here right now, so no."

"Oh, Y/N, when you were patching him up did you get to see his abs? He's totally ripped, you know, I hope you didn't get too carried away staring—"

"Pietro!" you snapped, cheeks going bright red, much to his amusement. "Really?"

"What? I'm curious!"

"I had no choice but to see!"

"You make it sound like you didn't enjoy it."

Steve chuckled as your cheeks grew an even deeper shade of scarlet. You groaned loudly, gulping down your coffee in just three more large gulps to save yourself from having to reply to his comment.

“Okay, Speedy, I’ve had it with your comments, now shoo,” you waved a hand at him. “Go to bed.”

“Need I remind you I’m no longer a teenager and I don’t have a bedtime,” he scoffed before walking away. “Also, ship it!”

You sighed and let your head fall into your hands. 

After several more minutes of the strained silence, Steve cleared his throat. “Thanks for fixing me up back there. I would’ve bled out if it weren’t for you.”

“That’s not reassuring at all,” you mumbled into your hands. 

He chuckled again. “I’m sorry. I’ll try not to get shot next time.”

You lifted your head to glance up at him. “You said that when Fury sent us on that mission to Montenegro and I had to drag you back to the jet because you got shot, twice. And I did it with a concussion, dislocated shoulder, and a severely sprained ankle. Wanda brought me breakfast in bed for four days after that.”

“You’re making me sound a lot heavier than I really am.”

“Yeah, you outweigh me by sixty pounds at least. Of course you’re gonna feel heavy to me.”

“I thought you could bench press 300? That’s over twice your weight.”

“That’s not an actual human being.”

“I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that someone like you who’s so light can lift so much.”

“I’m lightweight?”

“Compared to 300, or in my case, 180, then yes. But hey, most of that’s muscle,” he winked at you, rolling his sleeve up slightly and flexing his bicep. “So how’s the view, Y/N?”

You rolled your eyes. “Showoff.”

“You love me.”

“That’s debatable.”

“Seriously, though...” Steve’s voice softened, as did his gaze on you, “thank you.”

“...For?”

“For staying up late to wait for me, even though you don’t like doing so. It’s nice to have someone to look forward to when I’m coming back home.”

“I never said I didn’t like staying up.”

“Y/N, I know you like the back of my hand,” the corners of his mouth turned up in a small grin, “I’m pretty sure I know you better than you know yourself.”

“Bet. What’s my favorite color?”

“That’s easy. It’s blue. But like you consistently remind everyone who asks, it’s not just plain blue. It’s the blue only found in the deepest corners of the ocean that are furthest from the shore. You had the highlights of your suit changed from grey to this shade, after Fury forced us on that vacation to Sicily and you refused to leave the beach because you’d fallen so in love with gazing at the horizon. When we returned, Clint kept teasing us because it looked like we were trying to coordinate our stealth suits with one another.”

You were shocked and taken aback, not expecting for him to memorize what you’d told him word for word. “Okay...what’s my biggest fear?”

“Failure. Failing to protect those you love, failing to succeed in your job as an Avenger,” he said softly, “Ever since Phil gave word of your parents’ passing four years ago, you grew extremely overprotective over what family you had left, which happened to be the team. You refused to let your mission partners out of your sight and if they did, forced them to stay on call at all times. You couldn’t afford to have whatever happened to your parents happen to your teammates, because bearing that burden would be too much for you to handle.”

You swallowed hard, blinking back tears. “Yeah...um. What was my job before joining the initiative, and what made me join the team in the first place?”

“A brilliant student, you graduated two years early to become a trauma surgeon for the next four years. At first, you were reluctant to accept Fury’s offer because you’d dedicated your life saving people instead of doing the opposite. Violence was the very last thing on your mind so the Battle of New York was rather difficult for you to cope with after it ended. Continuing to be able to save people in your new line of work and seeing thousands more look up to you was what pushed you to keep going; you didn’t want to let them all down.

He laughed to himself, recalling the memory. “I didn’t expect you to be so relentless on the battlefield. You never told any of us you were also training under SHIELD at the same time you were going through med school, so Nat and I were blown away when we saw you fight. I’m pretty sure Clint fainted when he saw you shoot out electricity bolts. Thor was insistent on seeing if you could lift Mjolnir afterwards.”

“I offered to be SHIELD’s lab rat because nobody else was willing to step up, so here I am,” you chuckled lightly, “those powers ended up coming in handy in the operating room sometimes...during emergency surgeries.”

“You’re amazing,” Steve exhaled. “I can see why so many people look up to you as a role model.”

You laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of your neck. “I’m not that special.”

“You are. You’ve impacted millions of lives, Y/N. The world owes you a debt.”

“You know me so well, Captain. I’m surprised you remember the little details...Tony sometimes forgets my birthday and here you are, listing off every little thing easily.”

“I’m just observant, that’s all...” he hummed, a ghost of a smile on his face. 

“If you answer this question right, then you’ve won it all,” you challenged. “What’s my opinion on finding love?”

“You always claim to be opposed to falling in love, but I know you better than that,” he explained. “You’ve only started showing the signs of being in love a few months ago, but your heart was stolen many years prior by one man.”

Was it just you, or did Steve look almost...hurt as he spoke?

“Who’s that one man?”

“You’re asking me?” he raised an eyebrow at you, shifting slightly into a more comfortable position that wouldn’t put too much pressure on his abdomen. “How would I know that?”

“Because you know me better than anyone else in the compound,” you stated. 

“Why don’t you describe him for me, then.”

“For starters, he’s extremely loyal. Always sticks by your side and will stay loyal to you until the very end of his days.”

“Sam?”

“No. I’m not finished,” you held up a finger to interrupt him. “He’s a great leader and the slightest bit cocky, but he’s got a great sense of humor and at the same time, he can be very serious. He always knows how to make you feel better even when you’re in the worst mood, and gives the best hugs known to man. My favorite color isn’t just because of the ocean, but his eyes...I think that’s what made me start loving blue in the first place.”

Your eyes widened and you immediately shut your mouth, realizing you’d gone off on a mini tangent. Steve didn’t look all that surprised, but rather amused. 

“You’re in love with me?” A smirk tugged at the corners of his lips. 

“Don’t let it get to your head, Rogers,” you muttered.

“If you’re in love with me, then that’s good because I’m in love with you too.”

Now it was time to be taken aback a second time. “W-what?”

“You heard me right.”

“I think the medication I gave you is making you a bit too loopy.”

“I’m being honest. This is the real me talking here, Y/N.”

A red light going off in the corner of the ceiling made you both look up and groan. 

“Well done for finally fessing up, kiddies?" Tony’s smug voice came over the intercom. “When’s the wedding?”

You flipped off the camera before standing up and walking away. Steve just shook his head and chuckled. 

[captain--sif]

Lift me up

Words: 5.5k Fandom: 9-1-1 (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) Characters: Evan "Buck" Buckley, Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Maddie Buckley Additional Tags: minor Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, minor Eddie Diaz & Christopher Diaz, Trapped In Elevator, Elevatorstuck, Elevators, Flirting, Pining, Alternate Universe - Apartment Building, 5+1 Things, beta read by grammarly, Fluff, no angsty elevator drama, No Angst, just waiting Summary:

 They are both intently staring at the lights changing from one number to the next. Then the elevator comes to a halt and Buck assumes he’ll soon be alone. But instead of pushing away from the wall, the other man is just furrowing his brows. Then Buck realizes the door isn’t opening. His eyes flit back to the current story: Four. That’s not where any of them wanted to get off. Buck groans. “I think we’re stuck.” Buck laughs a humorless laugh. “Shit.”

Buck gets stuck in his apartment building's broken elevator with his good-looking neighbor from the sixth floor.

for @lydiabennetts whose fault it is that I wrote this fic. All the descriptions of being stuck in an elevator are based off of my own experiences. I obviously can't talk for all elevators 🤣

Read the full fic on AO3, wattpad or under the cut.

It’s late , is all Buck is thinking when he’s opening the door to his apartment building. I promised Maddie I’d be on time.

He’s cursing his boss internally.

For a second, he’s contemplating taking the stairs as he knows he’d be faster running up the stairs than waiting for the elevator. But then he’d probably have to shower and he really doesn’t have the time to do that right now.

So he trots to the elevator instead, pushing the button more than just a few times for good measure.

“I don’t think it makes the elevator come down here faster,” a male voice says and when Buck looks up there’s an amused smile curling around the lips of the man who’s coming towards him.

Buck recognizes him: About as tall as him, short brown hair, probably a few years older, decently attractive (not that Buck has been looking). He thinks he’s living a story or two below him. Buck instantly resents him for the comment.

“It doesn’t hurt either,” Buck replies and sees the other man recoil at his sour tone. It’s probably immature but Buck doesn’t care. Why should he care about what some neighbor thinks of him? All he cares about at the moment is not to get late to Maddie’s.

The elevator doors slide open and Buck pushes the button with the number eight in passing, paying his neighbor no mind. He enters just behind Buck, pressing the six. Buck’s gloating a little internally over being right. Childish, yes.

He leans back against the wall of the elevator, his neighbor doing the same on his right. There’s not much space in these city apartment elevators.

They are both intently staring at the lights changing from one number to the next. Then the elevator comes to a halt and Buck assumes he’ll soon be alone. But instead of pushing away from the wall, the other man is just furrowing his brows. Then Buck realizes the door isn’t opening. His eyes flit back to the current story: Four. That’s not where any of them wanted to get off. Buck groans.

“I think we’re stuck.”

Buck laughs a humorless laugh. “Shit.”

His neighbor steps towards the panel, presses and holds the emergency button. The tone it makes when it connects is obnoxious, but it doesn’t keep Buck’s thoughts from drifting away. He’ll be late to Maddie’s , is all he can think. Again.

“Please try putting your flat hands on the door and pushing it closed,” the person on the other side instructs them, and his neighbor steps towards the door to do as told. Buck watches but nothing happens. He sighs in frustration. Maddie will kill him.

“I’ve sent a technician your way. They’ll be at your place in around an hour to an hour and a half, depending on traffic. Is everything okay healthwise?”

His neighbor looks at Buck, who nods dumbly. He’s okay. He’s just gonna be at Maddie’s an hour late. He thumps his head against the wall behind him.

The worker disconnects and Buck’s neighbor looks at him. “Better tell that person you were rushing to that you’re late. Let me guess: Girlfriend? Parents? ”

Buck shakes his head.

“Boss?” he guesses again.

“Sister,” Buck replies and slides down to sit on the floor. The other man’s eyes follow him.

He takes out his phone, searches for Maddie’s contact and calls her.

 “You’re late because you’re stuck in the elevator?” Maddie asks him incredulously and Buck starts to relax. She’s not mad she’s… laughing at him.

“Please laugh at my misery,” he quips, which only makes her laugh more.

Shifting to a more serious tone she asks: “But you’re okay?”

Buck answers in the affirmative and then proceeds to roll his eyes when she proceeds to fuss around his well-being. His neighbor huffs a laugh at that.

“I’m hanging up now,” Buck warns her. More softly: “But I’ll come around later.”

He lowers the phone.

“How much time remains?” he asks.

His neighbor looks at his watch. “At least forty minutes.”

Buck sighs.

“You got something with you to do during that time? A book?”

Buck lifts his phone with a smirk. “The internet is right here.”

His neighbor laughs and maybe Buck doesn’t resent him anymore. He has a nice smile. Buck wouldn’t mind looking at it for a while longer.

Then he takes out his own phone. “I guess I could play some games on my phone too.”

Buck raises his eyebrows. “You don’t look like someone who plays mobile games.”

The furrowed brows from earlier are back and Buck misses his smile. “I don’t know which way to take that.”

Then he adds: “Everyone plays mobile games.”

Now it’s Buck’s turn to furrow his brows. “They do?”

His neighbor laughs again.

It’s silent for a while and Buck starts scrolling through social media. They sit in companionable silence until the voice from earlier breaks it.

“Are you still feeling well?”

They do, they assure them and they disconnect again. Another twenty to fifty minutes. Buck sighs.

The other man lowers himself to sit down on the floor next to him, putting his phone down on the ground.

“So,” he starts, “you’re gonna go to your sister after we’re out of here?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s nice that you live so close to each other.”

“Yeah, it is,” Buck agrees, “It’s nice to have her around.”

“I have two sisters myself,” his neighbor shares, “they still live in El Paso, where my parents live. I don’t see them very often.”

Buck nods. “Maddie’s only recently moved here but it’s been nice. Having family near.”

He gets a nod in reply.

Then it’s silent again.

The voice checks in with them a few more times before the elevator finally starts moving again.

“Have a nice evening with your sister,” his neighbor wishes him when he gets off on the sixth floor.

“You too,” Buck replies when the doors close.

He calls Maddie again. “The elevator’s moving. I’ll be there soon.”

   Buck’s on his way to work. He’s not running late but he also doesn’t have a whole lot of time to catch his bus. The usual.

The elevator is stopping on the sixth floor and Buck’s heart stops, thinking the elevator broke again. But then the doors open and one of his neighbors from the sixth floor is walking into the elevator. The neighbor he was actually stuck with. Buck laughs to himself.

“What’s so funny?” his neighbor asks, amusement playing around his lips. It’s the same expression that made Buck resent him initially. Buck’s come to appreciate it now.

“Ah, nothing,” Buck replies sheepishly.

“On your way to work?”

Buck nods.

“Me too.”

The doors close, and they’re moving. But not for long.

Buck looks at the lights in disbelief, then at his neighbor, who’s matching his expression. Only the scowl is new.

Buck waves at him. “You know the drill,” he says, and his neighbor gets to work on the door.

Again, nothing happens, so he presses and holds the emergency button.

The call connects and they go through all the steps again, the person on the other side reminding them that the crazy scenes they see in movies won’t happen and that they are totally safe. That the elevator can’t fall. 

A technician will be there in an hour.

“I felt safer before the reminder,” Buck comments once they disconnect.

His neighbor laughs and again, Buck is quite pleased with himself.

Then he slides off his jacket, laying it on the floor, and pushes up the sleeves of his shirt over his forearms, before sitting down on the jacket.

Buck shrugs and sits down on his side of the elevator.

His neighbor turns to him. “If this becomes a pattern it might be nice to know each other’s names. I’m Eddie.”

“Buck,” Buck replies, and “it’s not a pattern yet.”

Eddie lifts his brows.

“One’s chance,” Buck recounts, “two’s coincidence, three’s a pattern. We’re at two now.”

Eddie laughs at him, and Buck is reminded why he started liking it.

“We’re on our best way to make it a pattern though,” he points out and Buck replies with a shrug.

Eddie leans his head against the elevator wall behind him. “I’ll have to call in late to work.”

At this reminder, Buck mimics him. “Oh shit,” slips out of his mouth, “me too.”

They both get out their phones to do the calls and Buck thinks that, no matter how much it sucks to call your boss, their calls will at least pass some time. It’s better than to just sit around and do nothing.

After they finish their calls, they sit around in silence for a few minutes, fiddling with their phones and staring at the walls.

“Ah!” Buck exclaims excitedly, “I downloaded a mobile game.”

Eddie raises an eyebrow at him, questioningly. “You did?”

Sheepishly Buck ducks his head, both at his not very subtle attempt at doing conversation, as well as the confession he was about to make. “The last time we were stuck in this elevator…”

Eddie huffs a laugh at that.

“... you said everyone played them. And well, I hadn’t so far. So I did some research.”

Eddie widens his eyes incredulously. “You did research? On mobile games?”

“Shut up,” Buck laughs, ”it’s not my area of expertise.”

Eddie shakes his head.

“So I downloaded Hay Day.”

“You downloaded Hay Day.” Eddie seems to ponder over it. Then he tilts his head. “Do you like it?”

“It’s surprisingly fun,” Buck admits, “but I don’t like the long waiting times.”

“Yeah,” Eddie huffs, “that’s how they try to get your money.”

“ Right? ” Buck latches onto it. “Why make the game free if you’re gonna charge for everything anyway? Just make people pay for it up front!”

“I can’t believe people spend thousands of dollars on that.” Eddie shakes his head. “But I assume that is exactly the reason. How much does a game cost on a console? Maybe sixty dollars, possibly eighty. They can [probably] get a lot more this way.”

“Yeah. I still prefer consoles. You can keep your mobile games.”

Eddie opens his mouth as if to say something but closes it again before a word can leave it. Instead, he chuckles.

“I hope your meeting with your sister was nice the other night.”

Buck furrows his brows at that obvious change of subject but it’s not more sudden than his exclamation about mobile games earlier, so he goes along.

“It was,” he reassures Eddie, “Maddie is a big fan of wine and I’ve been getting cooking lessons, so we’ve made it a thing of proving our knowledge to each other. I’m choosing the recipe to prove I can indeed cook, and she chooses a fitting wine to prove she knows her wine.”

“Does it work?” Eddie asks and Buck shrugs.

“Most of the time.” He laughs. 

They jolt when the voice comes back through the speakers to check in with them and inform them of the technician's progress.

Buck starts laughing once they disconnect, Eddie joining in soon.

Once they calmed down, Eddie worries his lip with his teeth.

“I’m not a good cook,” he admits, “it’s one of the things my parents have always been criticizing.”

Buck shoots him a sympathetic glance, extending his legs for as far as possible in the small elevator.

“I haven’t been until recently either.” A shrug. “And if I was still talking to mine, they’d have probably bugged me about it too. But it’s been fun to learn.”

Contemplating, he tilts his head. “You say that like they criticize you a lot.” 

Eddie huffs. “Yeah. I don’t think I can do anything right in their eyes.” He shrugs. “But I don’t wanna bore you with that.”

“Oh, you aren’t,” Buck rushes. For a second, none of them speaks. “Is that why you moved so far away from them?”

“One of the reasons,” Eddie nods and Buck can’t help but nod along.

“Yeah.”

It feels shorter this time, surprising them both when the emergency worker connects to tell them the technician is there and will soon get the elevator to work again.

They get up, slowly, collecting their things, stretching their limbs. It moves, and they both exhale in relief, sharing a smile.

“Let’s not make this a pattern,” Buck says when they leave, though he has the suspicion that he doesn’t quite mean it.

Eddie laughs at that and shoots him an “I’ll see you around.” when they part ways in front of their apartment building.

    Bread, Buck thinks. Mayonnaise. Cucumber. Eggs. The elevator doors slide open and Buck goes over his grocery list another time while stepping inside and pressing the zero button. Bread. Mayonnaise. Cucumber. Eggs.

The doors close after him, then opening up again as soon as they touch the other side of the door frame.

Buck groans, stepping towards the panel again and pressing down on the “Close door” one.

It closes and Buck leans against the wall at the other end of the elevator, closing his eyes and waiting for all eight floors to pass by.

But then the door opens again and Buck really wishes he had taken the stairs today. He’s about to get out of the elevator to do so after all when he hears someone with crutches coming into the elevator and opens his eyes to see his neighbor, Eddie , coming in.

Eddie looks tense, subtly, but Buck is good at reading people and associated with the crutches he heard, he’s about to ask if Eddie’s okay.

But then he looks down and his eyes land on a small boy. His hair is longer and a lot lighter than Eddie’s but the resemblance is nevertheless unmistakable.

Before he can think better of it, he blurts out: “I didn’t know you had a son.”

Of course he didn’t. Despite being stuck together in this same elevator twice, they are still nothing more than strangers who live in the same apartment building. Neighbors who know each other’s names. Buck doesn’t know where this is coming from.

He doesn’t miss how Eddie’s jaw tenses and Buck fears he may have just ruined the tentative friendship? Acquaintanceship? That they formed during their conversations in the elevator.

“That’s Christopher,” Eddie says nevertheless, and then to the boy: “Chris, this is Buck. He lives on the eighth floor.”

“Ah, is he the one you were stuck with in here?”

“Yes,” Eddie agrees, “that’s the one.”

Buck chuckles at that. “I hope I don’t become known as the one people get stuck in elevators with.”

“You got stuck in the elevator with someone else too?” Eddie asks, his tone subdued. Buck thinks something is up with him but he doesn’t know Eddie well enough to feel confident asking about it.

“No,” Buck laughs self-consciously, “but I think I may have just jinxed it.”

As if on demand, the elevator stops moving.

Eddie’s eyes flit to the ceiling and then back to Buck. “I think you just did.”

“Are we stuck?” Christopher asks. 

“Seems like it, buddy.” Eddie is ruffling his hair and Buck’s melting because of the softness in Eddie’s voice.

Buck pushes away from the wall. “So, the usual steps.”

Eddie nods, but before he can reply, Christopher asks: “What are the usual steps?”

“May I?” Buck asks, waiting for Eddie's assent to pass the two of them and put his hands on the door. Christopher’s eyes follow him, so once he’s got his hands in place, he half-turns to look at the boy. “Now I just have to push the door closed.”

Christopher watches as Buck follows up on his words.

Buck doesn’t expect it to change anything, and in fact, it doesn’t, but Christopher’s face lights up when he asks if he can try too. So Buck makes room for him by the door and helps him push after Christopher has given his crutches to his dad to hold.

“Nothing happens,” Christopher states afterwards, disappointment evident in his voice.

“It hasn’t the last two times either. But it’s worth trying.” Buck shrugs and then looks back to Eddie, checking that he’s not overstepping. He’s happy to find a small smile playing on the other man’s lips, the tension from earlier missing in his shoulders.

Christopher motions for his crutches again and Eddie’s quickly handing them over.

When Buck’s leaning back against one of the walls again, his eyes fall on the emergency button.

“I think we should…” he starts, making Eddie follow his line of sight.

Eddie huffs a breath. “Yeah…”

Now it’s Buck who’s standing closer to the elevator panel, so it’s him who steps towards it and presses down, waiting for the call to connect.

He’s answering the usual questions: how many people are inside, if they tried closing the door, how they’re feeling. Buck thinks about how it’s starting to become a routine.

That’s when Eddie says: “I think I’m allowed to call it a pattern now.”

Buck nearly chokes on his laugh.

“No no,” he argues, “the variables have clearly changed. It’s two times I’ve been stuck in an elevator with you, and one time I’ve been stuck in an elevator with you and your son. That doesn’t make three.”

“I assume you don’t have a college degree because you clearly failed math,” Eddie quips and Buck laughs, again.

“I can’t even object to that because I did fail math in college.”

“I’m good at math,” Christopher pipes up, “I got an A on all tests this year.”

“Impressive,” Buck nods in recognition. “You like math?”

“Yes. It’s my favorite subject.”

Christopher talks about it with glee in his eyes and Eddie’s features are equally soft while listening until they contort in a way that is best described by “Oh shit” .

He fumbles for his phone while addressing Buck: “Do you have anyone you have to inform that you’ll be late?”

“Oh no,” Buck shrugs, “I’m just on my way to buy groceries.”

Eddie nods. “I’m gonna have to…” He motions to his phone.

“Yeah, sure.”

Buck and Christopher patiently wait for Eddie to talk to whoever’s on the other side of the line, describing their situation and how long it’ll probably take them.

“I’ll text you if anything changes,” he ends with. There seems to be assent from the other person because soon after they’re disconnecting.

“So,” Buck asks, “who were you supposed to meet?” He thinks of Eddie’s questions the first time they found themselves in this situation. “ Wife? ” he corrects the voice in his head with a thought to Chris.

“Ex-wife,” Eddie answers abashedly.

“Dad is bringing me to mom, so I can spend the weekend with her and grandma,” Christopher shares excitedly.

“Shannon and I divorced two years ago,” Eddie feels the need to explain, “she’s caring for her sick mother, so we decided Chris would stay with me most of the time. Makes it easier for all of us.”

Buck nods. “You seem to have a good relationship with her.”

“We’re trying,” Eddie says with a half-smile, “for Chris.”

“It’s nice,” Buck reiterates, “my sister and her ex-husband split on really bad terms. And let me tell you, that sucks. For everyone involved.”

He swallows, then adds: “So it’s really great that you’re doing the effort for him.”

It’s then that the emergency worker reconnects for the usual check-in.

Afterwards, Eddie offers his phone to Christopher to play some games.

“What are you playing?” Buck asks the boy.

“Hay Day,” Christopher replies, concentrating on the game in front of him.

Buck shoots an amused look towards Eddie who seems to have reverted to his earlier state of discomfort and avoids meeting his eye.

Weird , Buck thinks and hopes he didn’t cause it by asking Christopher about his game.

He makes another try, “Cool! I recently started playing it too.”

“Really?” Christopher looks up at him, beaming, “what’s your farm’s level?”

“Oh, I barely just started, It’s only level thirteen.”

“Mine’s level 47. Look.” Christopher turns the phone over, so Buck can look at his little digital farm.

Buck chances another glance at Eddie, now leaning back and more or less relaxed. Confusing . Buck would love to figure him out.

Conversation comes easy for the rest of their stay. A little tenseness remains in his features but other than that he’s either sharing things with Buck himself or observing Chris talking to Buck. Soon enough, they get out of the elevator, into the corridor on the ground floor. Buck gets the door and holds it open for the two of them. He sees them walking towards a car on one of the parking lots in front of the building, Chris climbing in first. Eddie turns around and looks at Buck, so Buck seizes the moment to walk up to him.

“He’s a great kid,” he says, then follows it up with, “I love kids.”

Eddie smiles. He dips his head towards his car. “I love this one.”

Buck laughs and skips away to finally get his grocery shopping done.

   “Keep the door open for me!” somebody calls out from the corridor and Buck would be lying if he said he didn’t recognize the voice. Instantly, he puts his hand in front of the sensor and, sure enough, Eddie hurries around the corner. He’s alone again and greets Buck with a smile as soon as he sees him.

“Thank you,” he pants.

“In a hurry?” Buck asks him, as the doors close behind him.

Eddie huffs. “No. I just don’t trust the elevator to come back down for me.”

Buck laughs. “Fair point.” After a contemplative dip of his head: “Probably wise, too.”

“We really need a new elevator,” Eddie sighs, “I don’t know what I’m doing with Chris if it breaks down with someone else inside and we have to take the stairs.”

It comes as a surprise to no one when the elevator comes to a halt. Buck and Eddie look at each other.

“Speak of the devil,” Buck breathes.

“I’m starting to think hell might as well actually be a broken elevator.” Eddie sighs.

Buck laughs. “Am I really that bad?”

Eddie’s eyes shoot up to his, red color flooding his cheeks. “I’d rather have met you in a different way but I do like the company.”

Then let’s meet somewhere else , Buck thinks but discards the thought as fast as it came up. He’s not even sure what he meant to offer.

Instead, he changes the topic: “Shall I try the door or do you want to?”

Eddie takes a dazed look at the door behind him before nodding in assent. “I can do it.”

Buck nods and proceeds to watch Eddie while he rolls up his shirt sleeves, puts his hands on the door and pushes it towards the opening. He leans back, expecting the elevator to stay as still as ever.

But for the first time, it actually starts moving again.

Buck nearly jumps in surprise and Eddie continues to stare blankly at the door that his hands are still touching.

Disappointment overcomes Buck and he can’t help but question where that feeling is coming from.

“We didn’t even have to call for the technician.” Eddie’s voice betrays the same feelings that Buck is feeling: confusion and a strange tint of disappointment, and Buck is relieved that he’s not the only one feeling that way.

Still, he got no time to mull that over before the elevator stops on the sixth floor. Eddie’s floor. The other man goes through the door as soon as it opens, but turns around to say goodbye.

Buck could swear Eddie is still standing in front of the elevator and looking at him when the doors are already closing. He tries not to think about it.

   “Are you sure we shouldn’t just take the stairs?” Maddie asks, eyeing the elevator warily.

Buck rolls his eyes while setting down the bags he was carrying. “Sure, if you want to carry all of this, for eight full stories , then please do.”

She sighs as Buck presses the needed button, waiting for the doors to close.

Buck hears the doors open up again after having slid halfway closed; informing him that one of his neighbors is about to step into the elevator with them.

“I don’t trust your elevator not to break down on us.”

Buck huffs. Turning around and seeing that it’s Eddie who joined them, his brows furrowed, Buck decides to reply to his sister’s statement after all. “You might be onto something.”

Buck feels her perking up at that and stepping towards the unfamiliar man.

“So you’re Eddie,” it’s not really a question, and Buck winces. Maddie, unbothered, puts down her own grocery bag and reaches out her right hand to shake his. “I’m Maddie.”

A smile breaks onto Eddie’s face as he takes it “Ah, the infamous sister.”

Maddie nods, pleased. Buck isn’t quite sure what is happening.

“Is it one of your Wine and Dine sibling evenings?” Eddie follows up.

“Yes,” Maddie points at the bag they just set down, “we just came back from the supermarket. Now it’s time to cook.”

“What are you making?”

Buck started to feel like a fifth wheel but now Eddie is unmistakably looking at him.

“Coq au vin.”

Eddie lifts his eyebrows, looking impressed. “Sounds fancy.”

Buck laughs. “We’ll see. I haven’t really tried this recipe yet.”

He means to add another joke about his amateur skills, capitalizing upon Eddie’s demeanor having shifted back to the light-hearted and relaxed state he was in the first few times they met.

He doesn’t expect Maddie to ask: “You want to join us?”

Buck’s choking on his own saliva, trying to send a death glare towards his sister without making Eddie think he dislikes the idea of spending more time with him. He doesn’t. He just doesn’t like Maddie springing this on him without any warning.

Whatever the outcome he’ll have a bone to pick with her.

Even though the color rises into Eddie’s cheek, he keeps his composure. “I’m sorry, I can’t,” he apologizes, “my son is waiting for me at home. And I wouldn’t want to impose on your family time anyway.”

Maddie nods empathetically and shrugs, “maybe next time.”

Buck is so going to kill her for this.

Of course, that’s when the elevator stops moving.

Buck just rolls his eyes while Eddie sighs in exasperation. “You spoke too soon.”

“I didn’t speak this into existence,” Buck teases, “our elevator just sucks.”

The corners of Eddie’s mouth tick up but frustration [leeches] into his smile, “Truer words were never spoken.”

Buck takes note of his sister observing them with something that can only be described as apt fascination while they go through the usual steps to alert the emergency center and get out of this elevator as soon as possible.

“You make quite the team,” she remarks when the emergency worker disconnects.

Eddie shrugs and Buck is surprised that he can recognize that the nonchalance is only pretended, “I guess that’s just a given when this has now happened the fifth time in a row.”

“And it’s always you two?”

Eddie nods and Buck knows it’s a mistake as soon as he sees Maddie’s face.

She shrugs, so faux-casual that Buck doesn’t think even a stranger could miss it, and says: “If I were you, I’d start asking myself if the universe was trying to tell me something.”

“Well, your brother ,” Eddie starts and Buck realizes in alarm that he likes this turn of events even less, “thinks it’s not really a pattern because we haven’t quite been fully stuck in here for at least three times just the two of us.”

Maddie laughs and Eddie smirks at Buck, pleased.

“Now it’s your math that’s skewed,” Buck quips back, “I’m pretty sure we reached the three times just last week.”

“Oh?” Eddie lifts his eyebrows in question, the smile still on his lips, “We didn’t even get to call the emergency call center. You don’t consider that a variable change?”

“That depends on what we define that the action is. If it’s us having to wait for a technician to free us, then yes. If it’s just the elevator breaking down while we’re inside, it’s a no.”

“You never fail to surprise me,” Eddie says and Buck doesn’t think he imagines the fondness reflected on his face and in his voice.

Before he can help himself, he’s winked at him.

Once he realizes what he’s done, he refuses to look at his sister. He can feel her smugness anyway.

“I hear you have a kid,” Maddie asks then, and Buck is happy for the change of conversation before she adds: “Buck loves kids. He’s really good with them.”

“Yeah, he met Christopher already. They have a lot in common.”

Buck gapes at him in mock-offense. “It’s Hay Day! You told me that everyone played Hay Day!”

Now it’s Eddie who winks at him and Buck doesn’t think he’ll get out of the elevator alive this time.

By the time the technician arrives, Buck’s flustered and embarrassed and more than glad to get a breathing pause from the quick succession of bantering with Eddie and teasing from his sister that he’s been subjected to for the last hour. He hopes the last part has been subtle enough for Eddie not to pick up on the full extent of it but Eddie’s attentive, so he can’t say he’s positive.

“He’s cute,” Maddie remarks as they leave the elevator, “and he definitely likes you.”

Buck tries very hard to ignore her, but she’s his sister… She knows all his weak spots.

   There’s a moving van parked in front of his apartment building when he comes home and at first, he doesn’t think anything of it. He has a lot of neighbors and he doesn’t even know most of them. It’s not uncommon for someone to move out or someone new to move in. They do it all the time.

The elevator isn’t working - to no one’s surprise - so Buck takes the stairs. He comes across quite a few people carrying boxes, some smaller, some bigger and he winces in sympathy for whoever’s moving.

When he finally arrives on the sixth floor - only two more to go- he sees that it’s Eddie directing them and his heart stops. 

As quickly as the feeling overcame him, he’s waving it away. Being stranded in their elevator together for a few times does not mean they’re friends or - anything else, really. He’s got no rights to feeling like this.

But he can’t help walking towards Eddie anyway. He figures he can at least say goodbye to him and maybe - maybe even offer his help.

His heart constricts when he sees relief washing over Eddie’s face once he sees him. 

“Buck!” he waves him over. “I hoped to catch you once more before I left.”

“You’re moving?” Buck asks and winces at how sad he sounds. You got no right to feel like this.

“Yeah,” Eddie breathes, “they refuse to repair the elevator and with Chris, it’s just - it’s not working anymore. We needed a new place with a working elevator.”

“I uh, I get that.” And Buck really does.

He pushes a smile on his face and motions to the object of their talk. “So as our good friend the elevator failed you another time, do you possibly need help carrying those boxes?”

Eddie returns his smile but shakes his head. “I wanted to talk to you about something else, actually.”

Buck thinks there’s nervousness laced into Eddie’s features but he’s so high strung himself that he doesn’t trust himself to interpret the signs correctly.

He nods, unable to speak and Eddie takes a deep breath.

“I really hope I didn’t misread things. I really liked spending time with you, even if it was just in a broken elevator.”

Buck huffs a laugh. “Yeah, we really could’ve met under better circumstances.”

“We really could’ve.”

“Point is,” Eddie continues, “I really like you. And you’re okay with Chris. And… as much as I’m looking forward to leaving this shitty elevator behind, I’m going to miss spending time with you.”

Buck nods, unable to speak, as emotions run towards his eyes. He swallows.

“Me too,” he finally manages to croak out.

“So,” and now Buck is sure he doesn’t imagine the awkwardness in Eddie’s composure, “if that is something you were interested in, I think we could go on a date. Somewhere that is not an elevator.”

“Oh God, yes,” Buck rushes out, the nerves falling off of him. Then he thinks better of it and replies a little calmer. “I’d love that.”

He starts tapping his pockets, looking for a pen but Eddie just reaches over and grabs a sharpie. Buck feels a little bad for writing his number on the side of a cardboard box but Eddie smiles at him and wipes away all his thoughts.

He does end up asking if he can help again and Eddie gives him the box with his own number on it with the words: “Make sure it’s stashed away properly.”

Buck winks at him and bounds down six flights of stairs.

Also find this fic on AO3 and wattpad.

[sylvanfreckles]

Don’t Look (FebuWhump 23)

Fandom: Supernatural Summary: Sam and Dean are ambushed and captured by a powerful demon with an ancient lineage. Help is on the way...if they can survive.

(CW for some body horror/sores. Basically, skip if something like rashes and sores would upset you. It’s not terribly graphic, but I know this can be a real phobia for some people).

* * *

“This is obviously a trap, Dean!”

Dean rolled his eyes and sandwiched his phone between his head and shoulder, flapping his fingers at Sam in the universal “won't stop talking” gesture. Sam didn't look impressed.

“Look, man, it's just a bunch of demons,” Dean replied. He checked the clip in his gun, tucked a couple spares into his belt, and reached for an angel blade. “Don't see what has you so worked up.”

“Will you please just wait for me?” Cas's voice was strained, and Dean could practically see the impatience in every line of the angel's face. “I'm less than two hours away.”

“Are you talking while driving?” Dean smirked at Sam, though Sam just shook his head and started double-checking his own gear. “Always the little rebel, ain't ya?”

He waited while Cas spluttered in outrage. “We'll be done before you even get here,” he said, talking right over whatever point Cas was about to make. “And, hey, they've got a drive-in movie theater in this town. We can make a field trip, I think they're playing one of the new Star Wars movies.”

Cas was still talking when Dean hung up the call. He shoved the phone into his pocket with a chuckle, then caught Sam staring at him. “What?”

Sam shook his head again and shoved the trunk of the car closed. “Would it kill you to wait for him anyway?”

“And miss all the fun?” Dean slapped his brother on the arm. “Dude. It's demons. Practically kindergarten stuff for us.” Anyway all the big players were downstairs—or dead—so it wasn't like they had anything to worry about.

His brother was still bitch-facing about it when Dean shoved him down the path toward the abandoned hotel. “All right, I'll buy him a root beer float or something, and he'll get over it by the time that little rolling droid he loves so much shows up on screen.”

“BB-8?”

“Dude, I'm getting second-hand embarrassment just knowing you know that.”

Sam turned around and spread his arms out, walking backward down the path. “At least I don't know all the Starfleet captains by first name.”

“Hey, Star Trek is an important part of our cultural history,” Dean retorted, shoving his brother in the chest to keep him moving. “Star Wars is for nerds.”

* * *

The old hotel was empty, apart from the faint dusty of sulfur on some of the decrepit furniture. There were some tracks in the dust, which was a little weird for a bunch of demons, Dean had to admit, but the tracks were recent enough to prove there was demonic activity here.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. Dean pulled it out and made a face at it, swiping over the icon to ignore the call.

“Dude, he's probably worried,” Sam whispered.

“Yeah, he does that,” Dean shot back. He turned his phone off and shoved it back into his pocket. “He does that too damn much. We can handle one little nest of demons.”

Predictably...at least for Cas and Sam...and Dean, too, though he was loathed to admit it...they could not handle the “little” nest of demons.

The tracks lead them down to the old pool house, but before they'd even crossed the yard they'd been swarmed. The brothers had fought valiantly, back-to-back, and taken out a handful of the attacking demons but there were just too many. They were overwhelmed, hauled into the pool house, and tied to a couple of rusty old poolside chairs.

Dean jerked against his bonds—he could probably work himself free, given enough time. One side of his face had swollen up and his lip was busted up. Sam wasn't much better off, between the gash on his forehead bleeding enough to cover most of his face and the obvious dislocation to his left shoulder.

Well. Now he was gonna have to apologize to Cas for going in without him AND for getting himself and his brother captured. And injured. It would have to be a root beer float and popcorn and downloading the rest of the Star Wars movies for the weekend.

The demons were lined up along the sides of the pool now. They'd put Sam and Dean on the side nearest the shallow end, looking down the length of murky, stagnant water. Dean exchanged a look with his brother—what now? They'd been captured and beat up and tied up for, what, the world's worst diving contest?

The water rippled. Dean stared down at it in shock when a woman's head appeared at the deep end of the pool. But she wasn't swimming, she was...walking? And each step brought her further and further out of the water, the algae and slime cascading off of her body without leaving a trace behind. She was tall, with long, wavy blonde hair that fell almost to her hips. Her body was wrapped in a flowing green dress with a plunging neckline that showed off her...er, other features.

And she was walking on the water now. Because of course. Dean rolled his eyes so hard he almost sprained something. While there was something otherwordly about this whole thing, it was so obviously some demon princess bitch pretending to be a minor goddess or something.

She reached the shallow end of the pool and just stood there, looking at them. Dean glanced down at her bare feet, which were resting on the rippling water as easily as though she was standing on solid ground. “Nice trick,” he commented, smirking up at her. “Special power or just full of hot air?”

The demon in the green dress tilted her head to study him—nice try, bitch, that's Cas's thing—and blinked, her eyes clicking to beetle-black. “I am Vephar. Lord of the waters.”

“I'm Dean,” Dean replied, ignoring Sam's hissed warning. “Lord of the highway.”

Vephar studied for a moment, then raised one arm to point at his face. Pain erupted from his forehead to his chin and his brother called his name in a panicked voice. Vephar turned to face Sam next. “Who are you?”

Gritting his teeth, Dean rolled his head back enough to make eye contact with his brother. Sammy was shooting him a panicked look, obviously concerned by whatever the bitch had done. God, it still hurt. Most of the time when these bastards attacked telepathically it was like a cut from a razor, or a punch that somehow bypassed your muscle to hit you right in the organs. This was just...this was wrong. It ached and burned and felt wet somehow.

“I'm Sam,” his brother finally said, when Vephar took a step toward him. “Just Sam.”

“And why are you here, 'Just Sam'?”

Sam shot a look at Dean, who tried to shake his head subtly. “We were just looking around,” Sam finally stammered out. “The-the hotel. It's abandoned, we thought we could find something to sell in it. You know, the market for copper wire is pretty high right now.”

Vephar tilted her head to the other side. “No,” she intoned after a few seconds. “You're lying.” She raised her hand again and Sam jerked back with a cry of pain. Now Dean could see why his brother had looked so horrified. Instead of cutting or bruising, Vephar had raised an angry-looking line of oozing sores on his brother's face. It reminded him of nothing so much as Nick's face when Lucifer was burning through him...or Cas when he'd taken the souls from Purgatory.

“I was once a grand duke of hell,” Vephar explained, walking back down the length of the pool. “I commanded my legions and churned the mighty waters. I rode the seas in glorious battle, until I was betrayed and bound in this place.”

Dean grunted, tugging at the bonds on his wrists as the urge to dig his fingers into his face became nearly unbearable. “Sucks to be you.”

Vephar turned back to face him and raised one delicate eyebrow. “Indeed.”

Then she raised her hand and Dean threw his head back with a scream as another line of pain lanced up the other side of his face.

“What's binding you here?” Sam asked. “Maybe we can break it? Set you free?”

She tilted her head again, her black gaze boring into Sam's. “You're lying again.”

“Sammy, no!” Dean surged against the ropes uselessly as sores burst into existence around his brother's neck. “You bitch!”

“Temper,” Vephar replied calmly, and then the horrible, burning, wet pain was streaking down his chest under his shirt. Every shift in position made the fabric of his clothing rub against the sores, until it felt like he'd covered himself in sandpaper instead of a t-shirt.

“I don't get much to play with here,” the demon bitch said. She had that damn hand up in the air again, her index finger extended, and she waved it back and forth between the brothers as though trying to choose which one to torture. “I hope you last longer than the last ones.”

Dean was steeling himself to shout—distract the bitch, insult her, make her focus all her anger on him to give Sammy a chance to escape—when the door to the pool house exploded inward.

“Cas!” Sam's voice was thick with warning as the demons that had been lining the sides of the pool turned to swarm the angel. Dean grit his teeth and refocused his efforts on freeing himself. Cas was good—damn good—but there were well over a dozen demons, and heaven wasn't exactly running on full power these days.

He saw Cas go down. Dean threw himself backward with a jerk, finally crashing the chair into the stained tile of the pool deck. Something in the chair had cracked and his ropes were a little looser, and he fought to break himself free.

“Close your eyes!”

Dean swore and tucked his head toward his shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut. Even then the burst of grace was almost enough to blind him. Damn, Cas hadn't done that in a long time. He hoped his friend still had the juice to recover from an attack like that.

Blinking back the sparks in his vision, Dean rolled onto his side and tried to push himself to his feet. He could see the smoking, empty meatsuits of the demons scattered in a half-circle around Cas, but Cas wasn't looking so good. He had sunk to one knee, and several bloody tears in his trench coat showed where the demons had gotten a few hits in before he'd smited them. Smote them. Whatever.

“Angel!”

Dean threw himself forward and tried to grab Vephar around the ankles as she stalked out of the water toward Cas. The smiting hadn't been enough to end her, though she seemed to be staggering a little and there was black sludge trickling out of her nose.

Cas struggled to his feet, but he was empty-handed—Dean could see a glint of silver just a few feet away, but Cas couldn't reach it before Vephar had a hand around his throat, backing him into the wall.

“I'm going to enjoy this,” the demon bitch sneered. “Angels are so much more...resilient...than humans. Don't you agree, 'lord of the highway'?”

Dean let out a cry as more pain tore through the side of his face. It felt like the sores were swelling, and his stomach nearly revolted when he felt liquid oozing down his neck.

“Hey! Bitch!”

Vephar whirled around, just in time to catch Sam's knife in her throat. Damn, but the kid had good aim. They'd been trying to copy Ruby's blade for years now, and while Sam had never come up with something to match it in power, the runes he'd started carving into the knife he tucked into his boot still did some damage.

The demon released Cas to tug uselessly at the knife in her throat. She glowered at Sam and started to raised her hand, but Cas tackled her from behind.

He'd gotten his angel blade back, during her moment of distraction, and drove it deep into her back, giving it a vicious twist as she screamed out her dying breath.

Dean collapsed in relief. It felt like the sores were still on his face, but the pain had faded significantly. It no longer felt like his skin was going to erupt and peel away from his bone—more like he had a bad case of road rash.

He rolled himself over to check on Sammy. The kid had only worked his right arm free and thrown his knife from there. He sagged in his ropes, panting for breath, but gave Dean a thumb's up when he realized his brother was looking.

Before he could roll back to check on Cas, a firm hand gripped him by the shoulder and rolled him onto his back. Dean found himself staring up at the angel's bruised, angry face. “Next time I tell you it's a trap,” Cas ground out, even as his fingers brushed feather-light over Dean's forehead to heal his wounds, “do me a favor and wait for me.”

Okay. Root beer float, popcorn, the rest of the Star Wars movies, AND another couple pairs of those novelty socks Cas liked so much. The angel had definitely earned it today.

* * *

You guessed it, Vephar is from the Key of Solomon. They’re described as being able to make the seas rough or calm, guiding ships to their destination, and killing by putrefying wounds and sores (fun!). They take the form of a mermaid, so I gave them a female meatsuit and the power to walk on water.

(For those of you who don’t know, the Key of Solomon is my favorite resource for extra-powerful demons. Vephar is the third I’ve used so far, so there’s just 69 to go!)

[marvel-download-tutorial]

How to Download Marvel comics for free!

I’ve been thinking about writing this for a while especially since we’re all stick inside but last week Marvel made the shitty decision to transition various print titles to digital only, meaning they’re directly taking revenue away from local shops rather than delay the titles, so since Marvel thinks digital comics is such a cool idea I’m gonna show you how to download as many as you’d like! (oh also this is for windows only, idk how to do it if you own a mac but also you’re rich anyways so who cares buy the comics richie)

I don’t want to take money away from the people that need it, not the actual companies of Marvel and DC fuck them they’re dying and they deserve it, but for my own rationalizing I want to take a minute to plug the Hero Initiative, basically what it is an organization that provides for comic creators that are having hard times, comics are a rough industry and you don’t get into it to get rich, I won’t go into it too much you can read for yourself but it’s been endorsed by Stan Lee, Justin Ponsor, Mike Grell, Skottie Young, Rags Morales, a lot of big names, so I’d ask if you do follow this guide and download some comics for free please consider donating to the Hero Initiative (they also sell autographed prints and you can commission some really famous artists)

anyways onto the good stuff! I’m going to be doing a fairly brief but easy to follow guide, there will be links at the bottom of the post so look for those, I’ll probably be making a few other posts with some more info so also check back for those if my blog is still here

What do I need?

You’re going to need 4 basic things if you want to do this as easily and safely as you can 

1) a good anti-virus

2) anonymous web browser (Tor)

4) a safe and reliable source for the comics

4) a torrent program to download the comics

Also optional: VPN

Anti-Virus 

it’s good to remember when torrenting that no one is your friend, everyone is out to trick you and no one cares, honestly you should also have a good anti-virus though, I’m not really gonna tell you which one you should have but Norton 360 is pretty good but say that in a room of CS majors is the quickest way to start a fist fight, honestly just google it, you’re gonna have to do some research, but really you’re good as long as you don’t go with Avast or Kaspersky, I’m going to go over typical tricks and traps later to ensure safety, this is just basic overall security thing

Anonymous Web Browser (Tor)

next we’re gonna download Tor (you can do this before getting a VPN, like I said either one is going to put you on a list but using one to cover you getting the other at least mitigates it lol) Tor is a great open source project that allows for basically complete anonymous web browsing, it’s a project dedicated to privacy and disruption of corporations ability to control every aspect of our lives, also a friend of mine bought K off silk road with it once in highschool, really not too much you need to know about it before using it, just download it, let it configure and you’re good, also use Duck Duck go that it comes with, don’t switch it to chrome or anything, Duck Duck go is anonymous search service which better lends to Tor’s protection

Where to get the torrents

Now this is really important because you can have everything else set up but without a safe reliable source none of this is gonna do any good, but this is the dangerous part, torrent sites are notorious traps (I bricked more than on family PC on limewire) and this is why I said earlier to remember these people are not your friends and are out to hurt you, don’t click banner ads, don’t believe pop ups, make sure your virus protection is on and it’s a very good idea to have an adblocker on, also look out for another post I’ll be making on what download buttons to trust for different popular torrent sites

when talking comics (and remember specifically only Marvel comics) there’s no other name out there than Nemesis43, he is a god and he’s going to be your new best friend, there are groups and sites out there that do comic scans that you have to pay to join or like apply to join, that shit’s dumb as hell and I’ve never used them once and I’ve got more comic than I can read in my lifetime, you don’t need em and you especially don’t need to give them money, donate to the Hero Initiative instead

Nemesis has moved around a bit in the past (if you remember the WWT debacle) right now the main site for him is ettv (there will be a link at the end of the post) sites a bit barren but he’s there, he also has a reddit he gives updates on very rarely, generally if he moves he adds where his new home is in a text doc in his recent uploads, I fully trust him and his uploads, he’s been doing this for years and I’d never have a second thought downloading from him, also because he uploads so much he’s often very highly rated and verified on whatever site he’s on

The second place I’d recommend is getcomic (again there will be a link at the end), now this is very important, never donate to them, they kinda suck, basically they’re plugged into a bunch of different scanner groups and just steal those scans and put them up and then ask for donations, basically they’re just an aggregate (Nem kinda is too but he doesn’t ask for donations and stuff), they usually use browser downloads which are a complete pain so I’d really recommend Nemesis over them but they do have TheComicGuy on torrent galaxy for larger files but that updates a lot less frequently then the main site, again I trust these guys (as long as you’re on the actual site) but don’t trust any banner ads or pop ups, also for downloading they give multiple options, a lot are very sketchy, just use the main server

also there’s other sites like readcomics or newcomics, never used em, don’t like em, use at your own behest 

On sites like ettv you’re gonna want to use the magnet, someone years ago told me it was safer and I just believed them and have always used em, not sure if it’s true but it’s worked so whatever, really you shouldn’t be too worried about this stuff and if you follow this guide you’re going to be way over prepared to download comics, really no one cares about comic torrenting, movies, video games, tv shows that’s the stuff people really get caught on, this is just nerd shit

I’m going to be making another post showing how to use these sites, and other sites comic can be found on so look back at my blog for that

Torrent program

This is pretty basic, just get utorrent, it’s what I’ve always used, it works, whatever, definitely look this up with a VPN on or on Tor, it’s simple to use, I’ll be doing a short tutorial on how to make it even safer

Lastly this one is optional but a pretty good idea, for more than just this

VPN aka Virtual Privacy Network

honestly you can get the anonymous web browser (Tor) or the VPN first, their both going to help cover you downloading the other and honestly both are going to put you on a list for googling them (which is why I suggest looking for someone who just already has the .exes ((I always keep them on a thumbdrive for when I have to reset one of my computers)), I might try to make a google drive with em but also I might not bc that sounds like work and I’m already typing all this up), anyways I’m not really gonna explain what a VPN is, there’s a lot of resources that can explain it better than I can but basically it masks what you do on the internet, there’s a lot of choices when picking a VPN but the big thing I looked for when choosing mine was 1) non-US based so it’s harder for US investigation agencies to request stuff for them or get anything from them 2) one that doesn’t keep logs, honestly they all do even if they say they don’t, but you wanna look for one that hasn’t turned over many logs to US agencies and 3) unlimited peer 2 peer connections which is complicated but basically means you can torrent stuff anonymously and with decent speed. Like Anti-Virus there are a ton of different VPN’s out there, you really have to do research because there are actual accounts of FBI agencies crating VPN’s telling people they’re anonymous when really they had direct access to all the info, I haven’t done any research but NordVPN seems kinda like one of these, really the more they advertise the more suspicious I am, Just google “best vpn 2020″ and look at like 5 lists and read the the stuff, personally I use IPvanish which unfortunately is US based and while it gave over logs in 2016 even thought they said they didn’t keep any but now they’re owned by a new company that super double promises they don’t (again who cares they all do) but they’ve allow P2P and use 256-bit AES encryption

I wanna take a second to mention that this isn’t going to be free, this is the only place you’re going to be spending money (besides donating to Heroe Initative of course), a good VPN is about $100 a year which all in all isn’t terrible, technically you can just get by on the anonymous browser but this gives you an extra layer of security to pretty much ensure you won’t get caught and plus in the ever worsening internet hell world a VPN is becoming more and more important, I’m sure you can find articles about it but yea you don’t technically need a VPN but it’s useful for more than just this

How to work it all

Ok so this is gonna be a little stream of consciousness, as this all kinda has been, so sorry but I’m gonna try and explain it as best I can and also feel free to ask any questions on this blog, I’ll check back eventually I’m sure

So first thing first, make sure you’re virus protection is on and you’re connected on your VPN if you’re using it (you can google “what is my IP” to double check it’s working) then load up Tor, let it load and connect up and whatever, then go to https://www.ettvdl.com/user/Nemesis43 (I’m just gonna show this with Nemesis43, maybe I’ll make another one for getcomics but that’s pretty straight forward, also nem is better)

now remember we’re only here for Marvel comics, so scroll past all those thousands of other comics this would work exactly the same for, I’m gonna go for Ant-Man #4 which was released on the 13 as a digital only comic despite the first three issues being physical copies and now sit on my shelf forever unfinished making me look like a complete penis

it may take a while but it’s going to look like this, click on the blue words, it’s gonna take you to a page that looks like this

now from here we’re going to get the magnet link, right click and select copy link address, I like doing this because it limits my interactions with the page, note the advertisement at the top telling me I need a VPN despite thinking I’m in Guadalajara (which for legal reasons I am)

just copy that and then go to utorrent and click the add link

it’ll open a little box, it should add the link automatically, if it doesn’t just hit ctrl+V

hit ok and it’ll load it up, it might need to download some metadata but after that it should be good, oh also it might bring up a window basically asking where you want to save it and what to name it, you can set all that up in preferences, I did so I just turned that window off and can’t be assed to turn it back on, just hit ok if you don’t wanna bother with that stuff, it’ll go into your downloads by default

and that’s it really, it’s that easy, I might make another thing talking about how to make utorrent more anonymous or whatever so look for that, but stock it’s fine, also when it’s finished downloading it’s gonna start seeding (like uploading to someone else) I’ve always been a scumbag and I never seed but Nemesis seeds stuff so much you really don’t need to anyways, just select it and hit the stop button (the black square on the tool bar)

here are all the links I could think of

Hero Initiative

download Tor

here’s a guide for VPNs

download utorrent

song I found recently that I like

getcomics

Nemesis

so yea that’s pretty much the basics, be smart, be safe, any viruses you get are on you but I hope you found this helpful and feel free to ask any questions

oh and also this is all parody and I’ve never actually torrented anything, I don’t even own a computer

[maximelebled]

How I encode videos for YouTube and archival

Hello everyone! This post is going to describe the way in which I export and encode my video work to send it over the Internet and archive it. I’ll be talking about everything I’ve discovered over the past 10 years of research on the topic, and I’ll be mentioning some of the pitfalls to avoid falling into.

There’s a tremendous amount of misguided information out there, and while I’m not going to claim I know everything there is to know on this subject, I would like to think that I’ve spent long enough researching various issues to speak about my own little setup that I’ve got going on... it’s kind of elaborate and complex, but it works great for me.

(UPDATE 2020/12/09: added, corrected, & elaborated on a few things.)

First rule, the most golden of them all!

There should only ever be one compression step: the one YouTube does. In practice, there will be at least two, because you can’t send a mathematically-lossless file to YouTube... but you can send one that’s extremely close, and perceptually pristine. 

The gist of it: none of your working files should be compressed if you can help it, and if they need to be, they should be as little as possible. (Because let’s face it, it’s pretty tricky to keep hours of game footage around in lossless form, let alone recording them as such in the first place.)

This means that any AVC files should be full (0-255) range, 4:4:4 YUV, if possible. If you use footage that’s recorded with, like, OBS, it’s theoretically possible to punch in a lossless mode for x264, and even a RGB mode, but last I checked, neither were compatible with Vegas Pro. You may have better luck with other video editors.

Make sure that the brightness levels and that the colors match what you should be seeing. This is something you should be doing at every single step of the way throughout your entire process. Always keep this in mind. Lagom.nl’s LCD calibration section has quite a few useful things you can use to make sure.

If you’re able to, set a GOP length / max keyframe range of 1 second in the encoder of your footage. Modern video codecs suck in video editors because they use all sorts of compression tricks which are great for video playback, but not so efficient with the ways video editors access and request video frames. (These formats are meant to be played forwards, and requesting frames in any other order, as NLEs do, has far-reaching implications that hurt performance.) 

Setting the max keyframe range to 1 second will mildly hurt compressability of that working footage but it will greatly limit the performance impact you’ll be putting your video editor’s decoder through.

A working file is a lossless file!

I’ve been using utvideo as my lossless codec of choice. (Remember, codec means encoder/decoder.) It compresses much like FLAC or ZIP files do: losslessly. And not just perceptual losslessness, but a mathematical one: what comes in will be exactly what comes out, bit for bit.

Download it here: https://github.com/umezawatakeshi/utvideo/releases

It’s an AVI VFW codec. In this instance, VFW means Video for Windows, and it’s just the... sort of universal API that any Windows program can call for. And AVI is the container, just like how MP4 and MKV are containers. MP4 as a file is not a video format, it’s a container. MPEG-4 AVC (aka H.264) is the video format specification you’re thinking of when you say “MP4″.

Here’s a typical AVI VFW window, you might have seen one in the wild already.

In apps that expose this setting, you can hit “configure” and set the prediction mode of utvideo to “median” to get some more efficient compression at the cost of slower decoding, but in practice this isn’t a problem.

Things to watch out for:

Any and all apps involved must support OpenDML AVIs. The original AVI spec is 2GB max only. This fixes that limitation. That’s normal, but make sure your apps support that. The OpenDML spec is from the mid-90s, so usually it’s not a problem. But for example, the SFM doesn’t support it.

The files WILL be very large. But they won’t be as large as they’d be if you had a truly uncompressed AVI.

SSDs are recommended within the bounds of reasonability, especially NVMe ones. 1080p30 should be within reach of traditional HDDs though.

utvideo will naturally perform better on CGI content rather than real-life footage and I would not recommend it at all for real-life footage, especially since you’re gonna get that in already-compressed form anyway. Do not convert your camera’s AVC/HEVC files to utvideo, it’s pointless. (Unless you were to do it as a proxy but still, kinda weird)

If you’re feeling adventurous, try out the YUV modes! They work great for matte passes, since those are often just luma-masks, so you don’t care about chroma subsampling.

If you don’t care about utvideo or don’t want to do AVIs for whatever reason, you could go the way of image sequences, but you’ll then be getting the OS-level overhead that comes with having dozens of thousands of files being accessed, etc.

They’re a valid option though. (Just not an efficient one in most cases.)

Some of my working files aren’t lossless...

Unfortunately we don’t all have 10 TB of storage in our computers. If you’re using compressed files as a source, make sure they get decoded properly by your video editing software. Make sure the colors, contrast, etc. match what you see in your “ground truth” player of choice. Make sure your “ground truth” player of choice really does represent the ground truth. Check with other devices if you can. You want to cross-reference to make sure.

One common thing that a lot of software screws up is BT.601 & BT.709 mixups. (It’s reds becoming a bit more orange.)

Ultimately you want your compressed footage to appear cohesive with your RGB footage. It should not have different ranges, different colors, etc. 

For reasons that I don’t fully understand myself, 99% of AVC/H.264 video is “limited range”. That means that internally it’s actually squeezed into 16-235 as opposed to the original starting 0-255 (which is full range). And a limited range video gets decoded back to 0-255 anyway.

Sony/Magix Vegas Pro will decode limited range video properly but it will NOT expand it back to full 0-255 range, so it will appear with grayish blacks and dimmer whites. You can go into the “Levels” Effects tab to apply a preset that fixes this.

Exporting your video.

A lot of video editors out there are going to “render” your video (that is to say, calculate and render what the frames of your video look like) and encode it at the same time with whatever’s bundled in the software.

Do not ever do this with Vegas Pro. Do not ever rely on the integrated AVC encoders of Vegas Pro. They expect full range input, and encode AVC video as if it were full range (yeah), so if you want normal looking video, you have to apply a Levels preset to squeeze it into 16-235 levels, but it’s... god, honestly, just save yourself the headache and don’t use them.

Instead, export a LOSSLESS AVI out of Vegas. (using utvideo!)

But you may be able to skip this step altogether if you use Adobe Media Encoder, or software that can interface directly with it.

Okay, what do I do with this lossless AVI?

Option 1: Adobe Media Encoder.

Premiere and AE integrate directly with Adobe Media Encoder. It’s good; it doesn’t mix up BT.601/709, for example. In this case, you won’t have to export an AVI, you should be able to export “straight from the software”.

However, the integrated AVC/HEVC encoders that Adobe has licensed (from MainConcept, I believe) aren’t at the top of their game. Even cranking up the bitrate super high won’t reach the level of pristine that you’d expect (it keeps on not really allocating bits to flatter parts of the image to make them fully clean), and they don’t expose a CRF mode (more on that later), so, technically, you could still go with something better.

But what I’m getting at is, it’s not wrong to go with AME. Just crank up the bitrate though. (Try to reach 0.3 bits per pixel.) Here’s my quick rough quick guideline of Adobe Media Encoder settings:

H.264/AVC (faster encode but far from the most efficient compression one can have)

Switch from Hardware to Software encoding (unless you’re really in a hurry... but if you’re gonna be using Hardware encoding you might as well switch to H.265/HEVC, see below.)

Set the profile to High (you may not be able to do this without the above)

Bitrate to... VBR 1-pass, 30mbps for 1080p, 90mbps for 4K. Set the maximum to x2. +50% to both target and max if fps = 60.

“Maximum Render Quality” doesn’t need to be ticked, this only affects scaling. Only tick it if you are changing the final resolution of the video during this encoder step (e.g. 1080p source to be encoded as 720p)

If using H.265/HEVC (smaller file size, better for using same file as archive)

Probably stick with hardware encoding due to how slow software encoding is.

Stick to Main profile & Main tier.

If hardware: quality: Highest (slowest)

If software: quality: Higher.

4K: set Level to 5.2, 60mbps

1440p: set Level to 5.1, 40mbps

1080p: keep Level to 5.0, 25mbps

If 60fps instead of 24/30: +50% to bitrate. In which case you might have to go up to Level 6.2, but this might cause local playback issues; more on "Levels” way further down the post.

Keep in mind however that hardware encoders are far less efficient in terms of compression, but boy howdy are they super fast. This is why they become kind of worth it when it comes to H.265/HEVC. Still won’t produce the kind of super pristine result I’d want, but acceptable for the vast majority of YouTube cases.

Option 2: other encoding GUIs...

Find software of your choice that integrates the x264 encoder, which is state-of-the-art. (Again, x264 is one encoder for the H.264/AVC codec specification. Just making sure there’s no confusion here.)

Handbrake is one common choice, but honestly, I haven’t used it enough to vouch for it. I don’t know if the settings it exposes are giving you proper control over the whole BT601/709 mess. It has some UI/UX choices which I find really questionable too.

If you’re feeling like a command-line masochist, you could try using ffmpeg, but be ready to pour over the documentation. (I haven’t managed to find out how to do the BT.709 conversion well in there yet.)

Personally, I use MeGUI, because it runs through Avisynth (a frameserver), which allows me to do some cool preprocessing and override some of the default behaviour that other encoder interfaces would do. It empowers you to get into the nitty gritty of things, with lots of plugins and scripts you can install, like this one:

http://avisynth.nl/index.php/Dither_tools (grab it)

Once you’re in MeGUI, and it has finished updating its modules, you gotta hit CTRL+R to open the automated script creator. Select your input, hit “File Indexer” (not “One Click Encoder”), then just hit “Queue” so that Avisynth’s internal thingamajigs start indexing your AVI file. Once that’s done, you’ll be greeted with a video player and a template script.

In the script, all you need to add is this at the bottom:

dither_convert_rgb_to_yuv(matrix="709",output="YV12",mode=7)

This will perform the proper colorspace conversion, AND it does so with dithering! It’s the only software I know of which can do it with dithering!! I kid you not! Mode 7 means it’s doing it using a noise distribution that scales better and doesn’t create weird patterns when resizing the video (I would know, I’ve tried them all).

Your script should look like this, just 3 lines

LoadPlugin("D:\(path to megui, etc)\LSMASHSource.dll")

LWLibavVideoSource("F:\yourvideo.avi")

dither_convert_rgb_to_yuv(matrix="709",output="YV12",mode=7)

The colors WILL look messed up in the preview window but that’s normal. It’s one more example of how you should always be wary when you see an issue. Sometimes you don’t know what is misbehaving, and at which stage. Always try to troubleshoot at every step along the way, otherwise you will be chasing red herrings. Anyway...

Now, back in the main MeGUI window, we’ve got our first line complete (AviSynth script), the “Video Output” path should be autofilled, now we’re gonna touch the third line: “Encoder settings”. Make sure x264 is selected and hit “config” on the right.

Tick “show advanced settings.”

Set the encoding mode to “Const. Quality” (that’s CRF, constant rate factor). Instead of being encoded with a fixed bitrate, and then achieving variable quality with that amount of bits available, CRF instead encodes for a fixed quality, with a variable bitrate (whatever needs to be done to achieve that quality).

CRF 20 is the default, and it’s alright, but you probably want to go up to 15 if you really want to be pristine. I’m going up to 10 because I am unreasonable. (Lower is better, higher numbers means quality is worse.)

Because we’re operating under a Constant Quality metric, CRF 15 at encoder presets “fast” vs. “slow” will produce the same perceptual quality, but at different file sizes. Slow being smaller, of course. 

You probably want to be at “slow” at least, there isn’t that much point in going to “slower” or “veryslow”, but you can always do it if you have the CPU horsepower to spare.

Make sure AVC Profile is set to High. The default would be Main, but High unlocks a few more features of the spec that increase compressability, especially at higher resolutions. (8x8 transforms & intra prediction, quantization scaling matrices, cb/cr controls, etc.)

Make sure to also select a Level. This doesn’t mean ANYTHING by itself, but thankfully the x264 config window here is smart enough to actually apply settings which are meaningful with regards to the level.

A short explanation is that different devices have different decoding capabilities. A decade ago, a mobile phone might have only supported level 3 in hardware, meaning that it could only do main profile at 30mbps max, and if you went over that, it would either not decode the video or do it using the CPU instead of its hardware acceleration, resulting in massive battery usage. The GPU in your computer also supports a maximum level. 5.0 is a safe bet though.

If you don’t restrict the level accordingly to what your video card supports, you might see funny things happen during playback:

It’s nothing that would actually affect YouTube (AFAIK), but still, it’s best to constrain.

Finally, head over to the “misc” tab of the x264 config panel and tick these.

If the command line preview looks like mine does (see the screenshot from a few paragraphs ago) then everything should be fine.

x264 is configured, now let’s take care of the audio.

Likewise, “Audio Input” and “Audio Output” should be prefilled if MeGUI detected an audio track in your AVI file. Just switch the audio encoder over to FLAC, hit config, crank the slider to “smallest file, slow encode” and you’re good to go. FLAC = mathematically lossless audio. Again, we want to not compress anything, or as little as possible until YouTube does its own compression job, so you might as well go with FLAC, which will equal roughly 700 to 1000kbps of audio, instead of going with 320kbps of MP3/AAC, which might be perceptually lossless, but is still compressed (bad). The added size is nothing next to the high-quality video track you’re about to pump out. 

FLAC is not an audio format supported by the MP4 container, so MeGUI should have automagically changed the output to be using the MKV (Matroska) container. If it hasn’t, do it yourself.

Now, hit the “Autoencode” button in the lower right of the main window. And STOP, do not be hasty: in the new window, make sure “no target size” is selected before you do anything else. If you were to keep “file size” selected, then you would be effectively switched over to 2-pass encoding, which is another form of (bit)rate control. We don’t want that. We want CRF. 

Hit queue and once it’s done processing, you should have a brand new pristine MKV file that constains lossless audio and extra clean video! Make sure to double-check that everything matches—take screenshots of the same frames in the AVI and MKV files and compare them.

Now all you’ve got to do is send it to YouTube!

For archival... well, you could just go and crank up the preset to Placebo and reduce CRF a little bit—OR you could use the 2-pass “File Size” mode which will ensure that your video stream will be the exact size (give or take a couple %) you want it to be. You could also use x265 for your archival file buuuut I haven’t used it enough (on account of how slow it is) to make sure that it has no problems anywhere with the whole BT.601/708 thing. It doesn’t expose those metadata settings so who knows how other software’s going to treat those files in the future... (god forbid they get read as BT.2020)

You can use Mediainfo (or any player that integrates it, like my favorite, MPC-HC) to check the metadata of the file.

Good luck out there!

And remember to always double-check the behaviour of decoders at every step of the way with your setup. 99% of the time I see people talk about YouTube messing with the contrast of their video, it’s because they weren’t aware of how quirky Vegas can be with H.264/AVC input & its integrated encoder.

Hope this helps!

[pikachugirl1250]

So

I guess no one’s made a post with quotes from the amazing Sonic ‘06 dub so here’s my master post:

“Oh man, I hope somebody fucks up the fireworks.” *literally 3 seconds later, the entire place is being blown up*

“O N E!” *said by Sonic in front of Elise*

“We always miss the ice cream airship, Tails!”

“Hey Rouge, hey Rouge, hey Rouge, we found the computer room.” “Oh fuck the computer room! We can play so much Fortnite in here, dude!”

“So, this is the fabled Tilted Towers.” *the whole cast bursts in laughter*

“That’s what you get for unironically having 69 in your name!”

“Going through the floor. Who do you think you are, Danny Phantom or something?” “My shadow...that’s how I got my name!”

*Mephiles (I’m sorry, Memphis) comes out, violently coughing, then laughs menacingly* “Welcome to Tilted Towers. My name is Memphis Tennessee and I am part lizard.”

“In your future, it looks like you will kiss seven girls. How lucky for you.” “Joke’s on you, if you a true copy of me, you’d know I’m gay!”

*after the Iblis battle* “And then we ate it.”

“I’m not even gonna pretend you were talking about Fortnite. I just really love bringing up my favorite game whenever I can.”

“They don’t treat you like a friend, they treat you like an item.” *the cast starts to laugh hard* “Sometimes I wish I could be more than just an accessory...but unfortunately, as a gamer, I don’t get respect.” “I’m not a gamer, so maybe they’ll respect me!” “That just makes you a beta cuck.” *the cast chokes in laughter*

“OH! OH MY GAWD, SOMEONE HELP ME!” ... “I had to trap Sonic in the hell dimension cause he disrespected gamers.”

“PUBG’S OLD NEWS, EGGMAN! Tetris 99’s where it’s at!”

“Tell it to us in excruciating detail, Tails.” “Well, it was a whole dream— Bye!” “You knew that was coming, you asshole.” *said by Ryan*

“You’re heavy!”

*both Shadow and Rouge turn around quickly* “Sorry, I thought I heard a cat.”

“All around me are familiar Blazes, worn out Blazes, worn out Blaze— IS THAT WHAT A HOUSE LOOKS LIKE?”

“I am happy with myself. I have a Positive Mental Attitude!” “Gawd I wish that were me.”

*a butterfly lands on Sonic’s nose* “This is food, Elise.”

“YOU MUST NEVER RAP AGAIN, OR ELSE THE WORLD WILL BE DESTROYED!” “Have you even heard my mixtape? It’s fire!”

“Aw dammit, I missed my opportunity on Sonic’s next album!”

“You don’t make this fun cause you’re sad!” “I’m always sad!”

“EGGMAN I FUCKED YOUR WIIIIIIIIIIIIFE—“

“I flushed them down the terlet.”

“Listen, you got any weed on you?” “No, what are you the only one who smokes weed here, Knuckles? Except for maybe Rouge. Rouge?” “Speak for yourself, motherfucker!”

“That’s the last fucking time you confuse me with that blue asshole. You did it once before, you did it again. You did it at our wedding, Rouge.” “You just look so much alike!”

“You know, maybe things aren’t so bad. I’m here, I got the nice ocean breeze. Just alone with my thoughts.” “Hey Silver.” “GAWDDAMMIT!”

“YOU HAD THE WEED THE WHOLE TIME?!” “YOU INTERRUPTED MY BROODING—“

“So, lemme get this straight. You’ve been dating...Sonic? The hedgehog? The blue one? Looks like this?” “I guess? If that’s my story arc, then yes!” *the cast snickers, then bursts into laughter as Amy examines Elise* “Yep, I can kill ya.”

“Wait, Sonic, which of us is the bride? Sonic! SONIC, I NEED AN ANSWER!”

“Go on, Shadow, don’t you support gay rights?”

“Here, do you want some weed?” “I do not have lungs, so I cannot smoke weed. But I will take it anyway, and put it directly into my brain cells. Here we go.” *Omega puts the weed into his chest cavity* “Downloading Weed.exe” “HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT”

“I was actually meaning to ask you a question: Are you seeing anyone right now? Cause there’s no one sexier than myself.” *Memphis chuckles* “Why? Are you interested because, um, I was actually thinking you and I are pretty similar.” “Bruh, I wouldn’t be asking if I wasn’t interested.”

“If you die in the game, you die in real life, Shadow the Hedgehog.” “How did you know Sword Art Online was my favorite anime? You should have known that I had terrible taste.”

*I would put it in Omega’s confessions, but the bit is that he’s being ignored*

“Shadow, you are my greatest creation of all time from the battle royale, and now look at you.” “Wait, hold on. Are you my dad?” ... “Well, if you’re my daddy, it makes the last dub horrifying. Gawd.”

“Now I carry around my boyfriend wherever I desire.”

“I didn’t have fun at all. My eyeliner’s ruined, my arms hurt, I got kicked in the head. I hate everything, and I didn’t even know I could do that.”

“How many times are you gonna run? I’ve captured you 17 different times!” “I feel like it’s gonna be at least 18.” *long pause, with a faint wheeze, then hysterical laughter from the cast* “The caucasity of this bitch.”

“If someone hacked into my Fortnite account, I’m going to have a birth of cactuses out of my asshole.” “Currently being hacked.” *Eggman lets out a high pitched scream*

“Hm, the desert. Count how many sand is here, Omega. That’s your first mission.” *Omega slowly counts*

“Omega! Count the number of grains of sand in this room!” “Omega slowly counts again*

“You guys suck. Really, I can’t believe I used to date you. You used to be cool, dude.” “Have you met me? I was really cool.” “You’re sexy as fuck, but you’re also a dickhead.”

“Omega, count how many mouths he has!” “Okay.” *was about to count, but Shadow interrupts* “Yeah, exactly! You ain’t got no mouths, bitch!”

“Silver, you know what? You’re a twink. Imma go smoke some weed now.” “How long were you waiting to say that?” “The whole dub, baby!”

“Silver? I’m almost proud of you.” *gasp* “That’s the most proud of me you’ve ever been!”

“Elise. Guess what?” “What?” “I can never die!”

“Now I have all the colors of the rainbow, and I can unleash my true gay power!” *maniacally laughs* “Now everyone’s my boyfriend!”

“I think the power of friendship can bring him back. If we unite as friends.” “I. Will fucking. End you.”

“I remember this worked well when I was trying to summon Animal Crossing for Switch.”

“You guys wanna start a polyamorous marriage?” “Sure!”

“Didn’t you guys feel that? That breeze? It penetrated my heart.” “Sorry, that was me, I farted.”

[beejiesbitch]

Soft Keatlejuice because my brain demands it!!!!!

The crunch of dry, gravelly earth under your feet was all you heard as you approached the old stone crypt you’d usually only visit upon request from Beetlejuice.

He wasn’t expecting you to come this night, you were told to return the day after. You weren’t even sure if he’d be here, but there was a deep ache in your chest to see him. Normally you’d come, he’d get off somewhere on or in you and if you were lucky and cooperative, you would too. It gave you release, and allowed you to focus on just existing and pleasing someone else.

Beetlejuice wasn’t one for cuddling afterward, you knew that. He’d never made any attempt to woo you, it was all sex and dirty talk. You loved the simplicity of it, the raw carnal interactions that had clear expectations. Emotions were messy and the relative absence of them for the months you’d been visiting him was refreshing.

Refreshing, that is, until it wasn’t quite enough.

You had tried to talk yourself out of the subtle, growing sense of attachment that had begun to settle in your bones. You looked forward to seeing him for more than just the feeling of him in your throat or your pussy or ass. You enjoyed his cheesy humor, the self-assured way he spoke. Even though he was crass and a bit cold, you enjoyed his sense of independence and the fact that he was stable- his existence was complete before you arrived in it, and he’d seen fit to make time for you.

With that in mind, you couldn’t help but wonder what his time was like in your absence. You wondered what circumstances had grown his personality into its current state, what he truly felt beneath all the bluster and bravado.

You didn’t assume that you’d get answers to these questions, but you couldn’t just pretend your feelings weren’t changing. You’d grown attached, and it only felt right that you at least attempt to show him some appreciation for his role in your life, no matter how strange.

The air of the crypt was still when you entered, the only sound to meet your ears was the crunch of your shoe soles over dirty concrete. There was no sign of the ghost with the most. You set the backpack you’d brought along on the ground. Normally you’d be wary about making so much noise here, but you knew it was extremely rare for anyone to actually be in this cemetery, and it’d been just as empty as the crypt when you arrived. 

You placed an inflatable mattress on the ground, grunting softly at the heft of the motor built into it that would inflate it as you continued with your preparations. You scattered three jar candles with three wicks each in the two corners along the wall you’d placed the mattress near and one was placed atop the marble sarcophagus in the middle of the space. 

The twin mattress didn’t take long to fill, and you turned off the air pump when it sounded fully inflated. You strained your ears for any approach, but to your relief it appeared that you’d gone unnoticed. You gathered the remainder of the items from your pack, a small bluetooth speaker, a few joints, and two large cans of beer.

You looked over your handiwork as you connected your phone to the speaker and then considered how you’d get his attention. You knew he didn’t want you to say his name... but nothing else came to mind.

“BJ?” you called, looking around at the dimly lit and cobweb covered interior. Nothing.

“Beej?” Again you tried, and then worried at your lip with your teeth. You’d give it just one try, and then if he didn’t come you’d abort the mission and give up. You’d see him tomorrow- plug in even though you’d been asked to come and kneel at the usual spot. You did want to spend more time with him after all, and you’d never deviated from his requests in any way before...

“Beetlej--” A hand clapped over your mouth from behind and a rush of air gave you all the indication you needed that he’d appeared behind you.

“Now, now baby girl what’s all this about? I don’t think I penciled you in for today.” he rasped, lips just behind your ear. You could feel his chill breath on your skin as he spoke, but he kept his hand firmly pressed to your face. “You’re not ah... gonna finish what you were sayin’, are ya?” The threat was thinly veiled, but you truly hadn’t intended to, and you shook your head to tell him as much.

He removed his hand and allowed you to turn to look at him. His eyes were scanning your face with a level of suspicion that made you regret your decision to do this. Before you could open your mouth to speak, he nodded his head to the side, indicating the mattress and candles. “What’s this about babes, you havin’ a date?” he asked, his voice both mocking and teasing.

You smiled, and that seemed to give him genuine pause.

“Yes actually, I was hoping... with you?” you asked meekly. Your voice was smaller than normal, and your normally confident sexy posture was curled inward and tight. You were genuinely afraid of rejection and were sure he’d turn you down, given the expression on his face before you’d answered him.

To your vast surprise, he didn’t immediately brush it off, and he didn’t disappear. He stood there, looking at you in quiet shock as his mind grappled with what he was hearing. After the initial incredulity had worn off, he blinked a few times and gave his most self-assured grin. “Of course you’d want a date with ol’ BJ! Ghost of your dreams, most eligible bachelor of the afterlife- sure doll I can spend some time here with ya. Whaddaya want, you lookin’ for a facial? A creampie? Lemme just tell ya babes, those tits? The stuff dreams are made of.”

You grinned at his acceptance and gave half a shrug. You weren’t about to turn down his offers, but you wanted to make sure your preparations were used. “How about we sit down for a bit, BJ... c’mon, take your shoes off, let me open a beer for you, we can smoke a little weed, listen to Sinatra...”

“Sinatra?” he asked suspiciously. “I mean, ‘t’s not really fuckin’ music, babes... but alright, whatever you’re into.” He sat on the mattress and though you were sure you saw some pleasure on his face at the soft seating, when he offered you his feet to remove his shoes for him the look was gone. You didn’t complain despite the odor- his shoes didn’t tend to come off, in fact he generally remained mostly clothed with you. 

You set his shoes aside and lowered yourself beside him. You did three things in succession, opening and handing him a beer, covering both of your legs with a blanket, and pulling out a joint. 

His eyes widened a little, and he couldn’t withhold the smirk that perked the corner of his mouth. “What...? You got quite the spread here baby, what’s the catch?”

“No catch, BJ. I just wanted to do something nice for you. As much as I enjoy being your little fuck-doll, I wanted to help you relax... so I got you some beer, I’ll try to get you stoned, we can listen to some relaxing music, and if you really want, I’m more that happy to play with your cock... but tonight is for you, like... all of you, not just your junk.”

Beetlejuice looked taken aback by that, and he sipped at the beer you handed him quietly, not responding at first. His expression was blank, and you wondered how much of what you’d said sank in. Not wanting to push your luck, you quickly put the joint to your lips and lit it. When it was burning you pressed it to his lips. He took a hit but did not take it from your fingers. 

With silence still reigning in the room, you pressed play on your phone and ‘Fly Me to the Moon’ began to play at a low volume. In the absence of talking, it was loud enough for you to enjoy the music itself and you let yourself lean against his side. He didn’t pull away, and after the song had ended, he wrapped one arm around you, tugging you close.

“Thanks, babes.” he said, in a voice so quiet you weren’t altogether sure you’d heard it at all. He was unnaturally quiet as he sipped down both beers, allowing you to press into his side and smoke two joints back-to-back. Your downloaded music was reaching the end of the playlist, and you knew there wasn’t going to be a signal in this cemetery to continue the music. 

When you turned in your seat, holding the last joint between your fingers, you turned to look at him and for once he actually seemed somber.

“You feeling alright, BJ?” you asked softly, not wanting to intrude on his reflections but also not wanting to lose the opportunity to show interest in genuine emotions outside his lust.

He glanced over to you and then to the joint you held. He held out his hand in silent request, and you placed it in his grip. He took the lighter from beside you and busied himself with lighting it and taking a few precursory puffs to start the burn. “I’m feelin’ quite alright babes.” he finally answered.

Cool fingers gripped your hair, a familiar feeling to you by this point. He took one long drag from the joint, then turned to you and tugged you up against his mouth. He exhaled into your mouth, and you took in his exhale without complaint. The smoke tasted like him and it may not have been a pleasant taste, really, but it was his taste. He was sharing the smoke with you in a way you weren’t sure how to interpret, but the press of his mouth against yours was more tender than anything he’d ever done with you before.

Pushing your luck, you pressed your tongue into his mouth to lap at his own. He didn’t pull back, but you noticed his eyes open ever so slightly wider, and then close. He sucked at your tongue and explored your mouth. He cut the kiss short with a sharp pull back and a low whine of disappointment slipped out of you before you could stop it.

His gaze was fixed on you observing you as he held you still by your hair. He leaned in again after his next hit, sharing it and yet again you kissed him when you’d gotten a full inhale. He returned your kisses in an uncharacteristically soft manner- he wasn’t spitting in your mouth or biting at your lips hard enough to hurt. He was simply kissing you back, and that made your heart flutter in your chest.

You continued with this for the rest of the joint, though the way he was inhaling off of it, it burned through in minutes. You cursed mentally, wishing that you’d packed a blunt instead- at least that would have lasted longer.

To your surprise, however, he cast aside the end of the joint on the stone floor and turned his head to kiss you again. His teeth did capture your lip and give it a tug, but still it was more gentle than you were used to with him.

Feeling emboldened by his return to kissing you even after the joint had been burned through and discarded, you brought your own hand up to the back of his head. Fingers pushed through his wild locks, you weren’t sure if you felt a bug crawl beside your digit. You had to fight down the urge to offer to bring him back to your home for a shower - if you continued on this path and tried again at another time, perhaps he’d accept the invitation. He’d seemed suspicious during even this simple time together, though, and you wanted to take the time to earn his trust, prove to him that your intentions were earnest. His hand slipped down to your waist and you felt cold fingers gripping you, holding you firmly in place. He didn’t slip his fingers under your waistband, however, and that was a surprise. Pleasant, but still unexpected. You’d anticipated he’d rip the clothes off of you and shove himself into whatever hole became most readily available, but here he was holding you, kissing you and… you swore you heard him groaning low in his chest. When your lungs began to burn, you pulled back and grinned at him without relinquishing your hold on the back of his head. It felt grimy, it felt cold and was rather unpleasant but it was him, and he was letting you touch his head. His hands in your hair were as far as any such touching had gone, and the knowledge that he felt your hand and allowed it to stay, was possibly even enjoying it was enough to make your heart pound in your chest. “That’s a hell of a smile you got on ya babes, wanna let BJ in on the joke?” he queried, and you could see the mistrust behind his eyes blossoming. “No joke BJ, I like kissing you.” you answered quickly, unable to think of anything other than the earnest truth. He seemed puzzled by that, as though he believed that kissing him was only ever an unpleasant experience. Seeing the expression on his face turn from contemplation and confusion to frustration, you pressed forward against his lips. You felt him grow still against your mouth and you closed your eyes, focusing on the feel and taste of him. He felt hesitant against your mouth, his tongue didn’t move when yours swirled around it. You pressed tighter against his mouth and held yourself there, desperately exploring him with your tongue. It was easy to lose yourself in the tingling that flooded your gut at having his mouth against yours. There was no malice in his teeth, no sharp bite, no vicious suction that would steal your breath and leave you sore. You pulled yourself back again, frustrated at the need for air that made your lungs ache and forced your mouth away from his. Slowly, you opened your eyes to look into his and smiled, panting and still holding his head with tender care. His eyes were cold and his expression was difficult to read. He looked at your lips and your eyes, his gaze roamed your entire face and you felt so meticulously analyzed it made you uneasy. You weren’t sure what to say to him, but finally he broke the silence. “You actually want to kiss me?” he asked, with none of the usual hilarity or nastiness, no bluster or false confidence. He just seemed like a man who had absolutely no reason whatsoever to believe what he was hearing, as though you’d announced that the sky had turned pink and cotton candy was raining from the sky. Still, what he said was true - as unpleasant as his taste was, as much as you wanted to take him home and scrub him clean and sanitize him, you did enjoy kissing him. You nodded. “Babes, how the fuck can you enjoy kissing a mouth like this? You’re gonna tell me that everyone who looks at me cringes in outright disgust, but you actually want to kiss me? I know we fuck around a lot, I don’t know, maybe you’re a masochist or some shit. But no one enjoys kissing me, baby. I don’t know how you could think I was stupid enough to believe that.” His voice was cold, but not angry as his words would have made you believe. He didn’t appear angry at you, or like he thought you were trying to scam him- for once, the only thing you saw on his face was hurt. Sadness. A thick, cold knot settled in your gut and you finally pulled your hand from his hair and straightened up on the air mattress. You straightened up and cupped the sides of his face with both hands, fingers brushing over the soft mold that had blossomed in patches on his skin. Up close, you understood what he must have meant - there were many reasons you should find him disgusting, repulsive, he should make your stomach knot with disgust but he didn’t. He never had, even when you’d begun occupying your time with him, letting him explore your body. Yes, he was great at a rough fuck, but you didn’t know that he was so out of touch with the concept of being genuinely attractive that he didn’t believe it was possible. “Hey, BJ… I came here tonight when you didn’t expect me, didn’t I? Set up this mattress, got some soft lighting, played some soothing music with you, gave you booze and weed… you didn’t ask me for any of that, BJ. You didn’t order me to do any of this, right?” He nodded briefly, though he seemed not to really understand where you were going with this. It was as though he didn’t understand why you’d done any of this at all, and the conversation was not making it any clearer. “BJ I did this because I like you.” You put a finger to his lips as he seemed likely to tell you to get to the punchline of the joke, because of course you had to be joking. “It’s been a few months now, and I haven’t been seeing anyone else. I don’t really want to, I get all I need from you, but… I want to see more of you. I came here because I wanted to spend time with you and get to know you, and appreciate you.” He looked downward toward your hand and you finally removed your finger from his lips. “Babes, I’m real flattered ‘n all, but you realize you’re talkin’ to a dead guy, right? How long do you think I’ve been solo? Take a guess. It’s longer than you’re thinkin -  you don’t have the scope to understand how long I’ve been alone. If you’re sittin’ here telling me that you’re wanting to just spend some time together because I make you feel good or whatever you’re on about, I’m gonna listen, and sure I might go along with it, but you gotta know I can’t believe that.” That hurt. It stung deep in your ribcage and knocked the wind out of you. You closed your eyes and bit at your lips, holding them together and tucking down your head as you composed yourself. He had a point, you really didn’t know what he’d been through- you had no idea how long he’d been by himself or what his existence for whatever time he’d existed was like. “I don’t… I don’t know any of that, you’re right. But I’m willing to try to understand. You’re a dead guy, right? You were at one point a living person? Then if you start from the beginning and tell me what you’ve been through, I can try to understand more… but I’ll never understand if you can’t bring yourself to open up.” you answered firmly, looking back to him with a certain level of defiant confidence. You were upset, not that he was having a hard time opening up or that he felt undesirable, but that he seemed so sure of what you were and were not able to handle. “I already like you, BJ. All you have to do is take a chance and let me. Let me appreciate you, let me thank you and spend time with you - what have you got to lose? I’m already here. I already want you. No strings attached, no catch.” His expression was blank as you spoke, but toward the end you felt his hand at your waist tremble. He gave no other indication that he’d even heard you until he surged forward and took your mouth with his own. His eyes closed the moment his lips touched yours and his cold tongue writhed against your own and skimmed the backs of your teeth and you felt the almost hungry suction of his mouth on yours. He felt so hungry for you it made your chest ache. You returned the kiss as best you could when he took you so ravenously with his lips. He pulled back just enough to let you catch a few breaths.You started to lean him downward, attempting to get him to lay against the mattress. When he realized what you were doing you found yourself pinned in a matter of moments. You winced, hoping you hadn’t set him off, but there was something needy in his eyes as he took your mouth with his again. He kissed you until your lips were swollen and all you could taste was his tongue in your mouth. The weed had made you hazy and by the time he’d pulled back without immediately plunging back into you after you’d caught a few ragged breaths, you were sober again. Your phone rang and it made you jump, though he seemed unaffected by the sudden noise. In fact he seemed rather well recovered and was lighting a cigarette from his jacket pocket as you checked your screen. You cursed under your breath and looked around you - there was no way you thought you’d be here for hours, you’d assumed this would blow up in your face or he’d be chomping at the bit to go fuck off as usual… but the fact that he’d stayed, the fact that you’d been with him for the better part of three hours made you smile. Unfortunately, you had to work in the morning, and that meant you had to get to bed as soon as you could, and you already had to make your way home. “Gotta go?” he asked as though the answer didn’t matter. He didn’t look at you as he asked, though, instead casting his gaze to the stone wall behind you. “Yeah… I do, I have to work tomorrow…” you answered, looking a little guilty at cutting the interaction here when he’d seemed to be finally enjoying himself. “Got time for a quickie, babes?” he asked with a wolfish grin. He pulled his hard cock from his trousers with such ease it made you smile. “I really don’t tonight, BJ… But how about this? You wanted me to come here and kneel for you tomorrow night, yeah?” He nodded his head with a partial shrug. “Yeah?” “Well, how about I come here tomorrow, we can leave all this stuff right where it is, and I’ll even put in the silver plug you like. I’ll bring you more beer and we can take our time instead of just rushing through to you nutting in my throat. That sound good to you?” you offered, looking over him with a little smirk that you knew he liked from the way his cock throbbed when he saw it. Beetlejuice glanced around at your candles and then down at the mattress and blanket, and after a few drags on his cigarette he nodded. “Alright. Tomorrow… don’t forget to lube up though, babes. Might plow a hole right through ya for makin’ me wait.” He answered, teasing with a little smirk on his face that seemed closer to what you’d grown to expect from him. You gathered up your phone, but left the rest of your items where they were. He made no move to get up, and that suited you fine - maybe he’d be comfortable there, even with the candles blown out. If he liked it, you’d made a mental note to suggest maybe he come home with you and feel your actual bed. You saw that he’d tucked his cock back away and that made you smile, especially since you noted that he was still clearly hard. The fact that he hadn’t just pinned you against the wall or the sarcophagus was a little surprising, but you were glad he hadn’t. As good as it would have felt to have his cock slamming against the deepest part of your cunt, you felt respected by him for this moment in time. The idea that he’d listened to your suggestion and accepted your offer to make the next night a longer, more involved experience made your heart flutter. As you prepared to leave, you leaned down and kissed his lips gently, in the way he seemed generally unfamiliar with. You also pressed your lips to his forehead, which he didn’t seem to know how to react to. You said you’d see him tomorrow, and that you couldn’t wait. He held his tongue, but raised his cigarette in acknowledgement while still sitting on the blow-up mattress in the crypt. As you left, you smiled to yourself with every step, feeling both triumphant and giddy. You also made the determined decision not to touch yourself tonight even though your body ached for it -  you knew it’d be even better tomorrow if you waited.

[viostormcaller]

Thinking about it, it kinda sucks just how little new horizons has.

Like... I love the game to pieces and maybe this is just bc im in a shitty mood (which i am) but like... god this is gonna be long and ranty and I'm sorry in advance that mobile tumblr doesnt have the read more feature

For starters, holidays are all scheduled on the company's terms, meaning in 7+ years or so there will be no more in-game holidays because by then they'll probably be thinking about/getting ready to release the next installment of the series on whatever console is out at the time and they won't want to update new horizons anymore. And adding onto this, you need the internet to download the updates. What happens to the players who don't have internet?? Can they just never experience the holidays like bunny day and toy day and turkey day? That takes a HUGE part of the fun of the series out right off the bat. Sometimes making everything rely on the internet is a bad idea. Idk if anyone can like tell me if having no internet means you can't take part in the holidays, but like... god if that's true thats really sad.

They recently took out the hybrid flower and big fish islands, which makes no sense whatsoever why they would do that to a game that has so little, but ok?? It's not like that feature was hindering the gameplay any

There's a lot of furniture but Not a Lot of Furniture, you get me? They took out EVERY set except the classic set (renamed "antique") that you can buy for an insanely high price, and the log and wooden block sets that you can craft, but other that that it's all unrelated items that aren't part of any set, aside from the cute set and diner and throwback sets which as far as I can remember are the only other sets you can buy in the game. No alpine, no ranch, no minimalist, no princess or gracie, no modern or sleek, none of that. And 90% of all the buy-only furniture in the game is just the color variants. You can't even customize them! And it's hard as fuck to find the color variants you want, much less for completing a furniture set

And speaking of which, your starting villagers don't get their default house interiors. Your first three + your two starters from the tutorial days have the same generic layouts. You NEVER see what their houses are supposed to look like, and even if you give them the wallpaper and flooring they're supposed to have (if you figure that out online somewhere), their house doesn't change (I tested this with Sherb and was kinda disappointed).

And stuff is so EXPENSIVE. I know it adds a challenge but my final loan was NEVER 1 mil+ bells in New Leaf. And you can't even expand the extra first floor rooms you get. I'm literally getting less for WAY more. The biggest rooms you get are the basement and upstairs rooms. The first floor rooms aside from the main room really don't have a lot of space and with the different furniture they DO offer, I don't have a lot of room to put things in. But it's not like I can even afford it anyway -- just a freaking air conditioner was 63,000 bells. In New Leaf it was 2500. That's a MASSIVE jump. And the kitchen items are so freaking expensive, as well.

And speaking of houses, for someone who was literally in the real estate industry in the last game, tom nook adds very few house exterior options. And the even more shitty thing is that a lot of the colors straight up don't match. They couldn't even add a plain white roof.

God and the fucking DIY recipes. I know I've said this before on my other tumblr but the RNG for this game is the worst I've ever fucking seen. There is no reason why, two months into the game, I can be given a recipe for a simple DIY bench, which EVERYONE LEARNS IN THE TUTORIAL. Who the fuck am I giving it to?! No one, because literally every player knows it already, and you can't gift diy recipes to villagers! And I keep getting repeats of recipes. My villagers give me fruit DIYs all the time, it's so rare for me to get any new ones. And two days in a row I've gotten the recipe for the deer head mount thing from the same villager. New recipes should 100% take the priority before repeats. This game is slow paced, sure, but that's just frustrating. It doesn't make me excited to learn more recipes, it makes me feel like I'm never gonna learn any new ones because I'll get the same fruit DIYs for a week straight.

And speaking of which, you can't put trees, bushes, or flowers in your storage, which to me makes literally no sense. I can fit a giant ass fountain in my storage but I can't put a flower plant? Really? And speaking of storage, for a game that added 300 whole slots for mail instead of the usual 10, I will never understand why they decided to halve the amount of items a player can order a day from the nook shopping, AND make it so that it takes a whole day to get there instead of making deliveries at 9 am and 5 pm like in New Leaf.

And the fact that they made it so hard to get non native fruit and flowers and shit??? Like they at LEAST added Lief so flowers aren't as much of an issue anymore, but you actually have to travel to other people's islands just to get all the fruits?? I know you have to do the same thing in New Leaf but the reason why this is an issue for me is because you have to pay for online access, meaning most of those nook miles for planting all the fruits are locked behind a paywall unless your villagers can gift them to you. And your mom, when you first start the game, has a chance of giving you the one fruit that's on the non-native fruit mystery island, meaning you'll only get ONE new fruit and not two separate ones (for example, my sis got pears from mom but her non native fruit islands have cherries i believe. I got pears from mom and my fruit islands also have pears. Doesnt help that that's the one fruit i hate lmao). They also took OUT a bunch of fruits, like mangoes, durians, lemons, bananas, lychees, persimmons...

And the fact that your nook miles rewards are ISLAND LOCKED. That is the WORST SHIT. Not everyone has the ability to play with others, bc no internet or no money for the subscription every month. Not everyone WANTS to play with others bc maybe they get social anxiety (like me, which is why i havent asked for things that are impossible for me to get even though i want them for my island or house), or maybe they simply just don't want to. But the fact that each island has their own color variants of the same goddamn rewards that CANNOT BE CHANGED makes me so upset. I do not want nor should I have to rely on others to get the items I want because my game doesn't have my preferred color variations. And it's not like I'm far enough in the game to have anything worth trading for said items, nor do I have the bells.

And Isabelle does next to fucking nothing and I'm really irked about how they made her character in this game. Yeah she's cute, but that's ALL she is. She became more ditzy than anything else. She doesn't let you know about visitors in the town or the plaza or if a bridge or incline was built bc of a completed donation goal. Like really useful info to know would be if Flick or CJ is in town or who is selling stuff in the plaza. Flavor text is nice but if that's all you say 24/7 it loses its charm. In New Leaf she was helpful and hardworking and super focused and on top of things. Idk why they changed that aspect of her. I know her role in New Horizons isn't as big as it was in New Leaf, but still.

And then there's glitches that STILL haven't been patched (as far as I know anyway), like the game-breaking villager corruption glitch (which you'd think nintendo would have made a priority but they're too busy removing other features it seems) or the house exterior glitch.

And it's bad enough that your game saves to your fucking system a la Fantasy Life. But even WORSE, no one can have separate islands on one console. It's not enough to own two copies of New Horizons. Each player has to own one copy of the game and a whole new Switch just so they can play on their own islands. Parents can't usually afford that (aka $360 for each kid give or take) so for a game marketed towards kids, I don't know why they thought that was a smart move (well, I DO know, and that's because money, but still). And to top it all off, cloud saves are not supported normally. If you lose your game or your switch and aren't subscribed to nintendo online, well, it looks like all your progress is gone! And there's nothing you can do about it. And they directly claimed that they did this just so people can't manipulate the game because it's supposed to be played in real time. But people can still fucking time travel by setting the system's clock! They achieved nothing except to make the players frustrated!!! If you make a game you need to accept that the player is going to play how THEY want to. You shouldn't try to make everyone conform to the way YOU want them to play. That just makes you a controlling asshole and the game loses a lot of its fun.

This game was 60 bucks and they took so long to make it and we ended up with less than we got in New Leaf. The main thing they gave us was a shit ton more clothing items (which I really like). Like I said, I love this game to pieces and it's actually one of my favorite games right now. There's so much I love about it -- I certainly don't hate it or anything. But this game has SO MANY flaws, a lot of which are needless. And I think the kid in me just misses the days where you can pay for a game and get the whole game right away. No updates in tiny batches, no content locked behind paywalls, no day one patches, no reliance on internet connection and multiplayer... mainstream companies have all gone really downhill with that shit and it just disappoints me to no end. But because Nintendo is kid-oriented, I think that's where it hurts the most. It was supposed to be accessible, family friendly fun like back during the days of the Wii and the DS. But companies get so wrapped up in competing with each other and trying to make the most money that they forget about all that. I dunno. It just sucks.

If you read all this, god damn I'm surprised XD I got super ranty and I apologize. But I'm in a sad mood and I after learning about features they've taken out I just had to get all this off my chest. It's been weighing on me since the game released, especially since for months prior this game was all I could think about and I was really looking forward to it. It just let me down in a lot of ways, I guess.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 172 prt 1

172

Sprawled across Hunk, Lance could have laughed. They’d made it. They’d broken the rules of all bad horror movies and hadn’t smartly stayed trapped until help came. They’d made it and the elevator hadn’t dropped. No decapitation. No vivisection. But his damn wings had come out, and Hunk was visibly scared of him. He could see himself reflected in his eyes, all vampiry and not presentable at all. He’d really liked this shirt too. This in built bra business was great. Climbing up, Lance reached his hand out, Hunk letting himself be pulled to his feet before taking half a step back. It was disheartening

“I know. I’m all scary right now”

“A bit... You didn’t give me enough warning”

“If I’d warned you, you would have tensed and hurt yourself when we hit the floor. Are you okay?”

“Yeah... yeah... Holy shit, we’re actually out of the elevator”

“Yep. It looks like the staff already left... I’ve never been here with an empty reception before”

As with the elevator, the reception was bathed red. Lance really hating how it gave the impression blood had splattered everywhere. Red was not a calming colour. He’d have to talk to Coran about changing it to light pink or something as innocent. Looking down the hallways, they were blocked off by what looked like walls. This must have been what Keith meant. Grabbing his stomach as pain flared again, he bit his lip as he hissed. He’d lied to spare Keith’s feelings. He felt incredibly tender and it’d taken too much energy to get the damn doors open.

“Lance!”

Lance was not having a fun time. Knowing he’d cut himself off from hearing Keith’s voice, he felt like crying. This pain he didn’t feel equipped to handle without his boyfriend

“I’m definitely not enjoying this...”

“You need to sit down. I know you want to be all brave right now, but I’m putting my foot down”

Lance scoffed at Hunk, his ego a wanker

“I’m a vampire, don’t think you know better than me”

“You’re not yourself. You lied to Keith and we both know it. You need to rest”

“We need to keep moving”

Hunk threw his hands in the air

“Stop it! You’re not okay! I won’t watch as you lose the twins! I won’t. Either you listen to me, or we can’t be friends! Now, you’re going to sit down and I’m going to try accessing the network from the reception terminal”

Lance blinked at Hunk. Hunk was “Hulking” out on him. Scary mad Hunk was both scary and mad. Very few times had he seen Hunk like this... His ego was angry, but his heart hurt with the shame of knowing Hunk only wanted to help and he was being a douche. He deserved a dick punch

“You’re right. I’m sorry... I don’t feel good”

“No shit. Now sit. I’ll get you some water”

“Standing hurts less”

“Then lean against the desk”

Lance sucked his cheeks in. Pressing his lips tightly together so he didn’t laugh in the face of being scolded. Hunk wanted to help. He had to show him though he looked scary, he wouldn’t leap on him and drain him like a blood bag

“Can you help?”

“Sure, man... Just stop making me worry”

“I’m...”

Behind the reception desk, the phone began ringing

“That’ll be Pidge...”

Hunk ignored it, coming to his side to support Lance’s weight

“She can wait until your resting. Seriously, were you always that strong? Those doors looked heavy”

“Would you believe I’m actually pretty week right now”

“You’re overpowered. You know you’re overpowered right”

“I’ve been nerfed. Taken out by... fucking contractions...”

“Oh, man! You don’t need to push do you?!”

“Not yet... it’s too soon”

“You can’t stop them if they want to come”

“I’m going to hold my legs together and keep them in there as long as I possibly can”

“Man, it doesn’t work like that”

He could clench with the best of them. By breathing through his nose, he’d picked up the fact he’d wet himself at some point... he had no shame left

“It’s going to have to. I want the drugs and I want Keith...”

“I can’t do either”

“But you can do you... I’m going to be angry if Coran forgot to warn us that these doors could drop, and everything down there is fine”

“Does it feel fine?”

“Going by my gut feeling, that would be a no”

He’d gone there. Let a vampire have his deflective humour. Other than his good looks, that’s all he had. Leaning against the reception counter, Lance grabbed the phone up, annoyed by the constant ringing

“Hello, this is team... Lunk? Or is Hance? Lunce? This is team “Stiff and the Chef”. How may I direct your call today?”

“What took you so long to answer?!”

“Ah, hello there, Keith. What a pleasure. You’ll be pleased to know we’re okay. Hunk’s about to get started on the computer, and I think I’ve figure out how to put you on speaker... if I hang up, call me back. I’ve never been a great receptionist”

Keith sighed heavily in the phone line. Lance pressing the button that said speaker and set the handset down

“You had me worried”

Good. He hadn’t hung up on Keith. Pidge could hear them both, so she and Hunk would be able to techno babble

“I know”

“No, you don’t know. What happened?! Are you okay?”

“I landed on Hunk. We didn’t get hurt”

“Lance has batted out! He’s got his wings out!”

Dobber. Hunk returned the scowl Lance shot his was he settled in front of the computer

“Fuck. Babe... I know how much energy that takes out of you”

“I’m not rushing to try the walls. I see what you mean now. The reception is cut off”

“Is there anyone there? Pidge is changing camera angle”

“No. I’m going to assume Coran either trained his staff in these kinds of drills, or he had limited staff knowing he was summoning a demon”

Two long moments passed before Keith sighed into the phone

“Babe. What aren’t you telling me? I can hear your ego and if your wings are out, you’re stressing out”

Damn, Keith was good

“It’s... okay, I’m still... cramping. I’m not bleeding... but I definitely need a different pair of pants

“Lance!”

“I know. That’s why I’m not going to push myself any further now we’re out the elevator”

“We need to get you out of here. We need proper help”

“I know. Okay, I know. You freaking out won’t make us get out of here any faster”

In the background Pidge squabbled with Keith for the phone

“Lance, are your contractions coming regularly or spastically?”

“Uh... whenever they feel like it. They don’t feel like fake contractions”

“Google says real contractions should come regularly like a regular time apart”

“You’ve got Google?”

“I downloaded some stuff on pregnancy so I’d understand”

God. He loved Pidge. His ego pleased their friends cared so much about the twins

“Pidge...”

“I want you to time them for me. We’ll need all the data we can get”

“I don’t know... they hurt like fuck”

“Worse than a noogie?”

Pidge was so innocent

“Think period cramp with razor blades”

“Okay. That... that doesn’t sound fun... and I don’t think they’re supposed to feel like that. Does it feel like when you had your bleed?”

“I... Coran saw to that pretty fast, it... started when we got inside and... again when we were coming back from the coffee shop”

“I think the quintessence or magic or whatever is affecting you because you’re not human. I didn’t feel anything before the walls came down”

“I did. It felt... bad”

Keith came back over the line

“Babe, I want you to sit down. Hunk, you take care of him. You’re in charge. Lance, I know you’re egos riled up, but you don’t have the extra energy for those wings”

Lance’s bottom lip quivered. He was making Keith mad at him

“If I could put them away, I would have”

“I know. Hunk, is there any way you can do something or your end?”

“I’m locked out. I’m trying to get in”

Pidge called out

“Let me look. I should be able to get in because I’m already logged in! Keith’s gonna talk to Lance now. Lance, take it off speaker. I need to concentrate”

Figuring out how to take it off speaker wasn’t as easy as pressing the speaker button. He managed to hang up, before Keith called him back

“Babe?”

“I’m here”

Privacy would have been nice, but Hunk couldn’t hear Keith so Lance would have to make do with semi privacy

“How bad?”

“Not good”

“Shit”

Lance nodded. Yep. That summed it up nicely

“Pretty much”

“Okay. Babe, I’m not mad at you. Okay. I’m not mad”

“I am. I thought I was... I was being paranoid. I’ve been doing everything”

Keith’s voice was soothing. Lance longed to cuddle into him

“I know you have. I know”

“I told Hunk they’re staying in there”

Keith snorted

“Good. They’re not going anywhere ahead of time”

“You should tell them that”

“I am. I’m telling you and we’re working as fast as we can”

“I know. Do you think Curtis’s demon was reacting to my ego?”

“I don’t see why it would. We were fine in Platt”

“But Platt is your home... Maybe the demon didn’t like me being friends with Shiro”

Lance sniffled. His ego was being hit by his human emotions

“Then it’s an idiot. It’d be lucky to have you as a friend”

“You’re just saying that because you’re dating me”

“I seem to remember you taking in two strangers before we were dating”

“You wanted to shoot me”

“I thought you were bad, and then you went and turned out to be a good person”

“I scared Hunk”

“Oh, hey. That was your ego. But don’t you ever scare me like that again. And don’t go opening elevator doors like that again”

“I won’t. I don’t have the strength”

Keith went quiet as he processed what was said. Sadly the hunter mumbled into the phone

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do”

“I don’t know either. Coran normally pops up to fix everything”

“That he does. I’d sit through a dozen of his stories to see you right now”

Looking down at his hands, his clawed fingernails were slowly retracting. Nothing calmed like Keith

“So would I... he talks about the past a lot more now”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. He was my therapist for a bit... but he didn’t tell me much about that stuff”

“I think it’d make him the skeevy uncle if he did”

“You can’t call Coran “skeevy””

Coran would have had a heart attack on the spot, or at least a fair amount of damage to his soul. Prim and proper, solving each problem with one cup of tea at a time, that was Coran... most of the time...

“I’m just saying that he probably didn’t because you kept yourself so guarded”

That was true. It was still a fight to go against years of self imposed training. Love had drawn him out of his shell. Platonic love for Pidge and Hunk. True love with Keith. The love and patience of a mother from Mami

“Until you came along. All I could do before was stay on the outside”

“Being on the outside is overrated”

Sadness bubbled up. Lance not entirely sure what he was sad over now. He ached to be with Keith...

“That’s true. Babe, we never did paint the rest of the nursery”

“That’s because Shiro fell asleep. You know, Pidge totally called out us out earlier”

“She did?”

“She reminded me we didn’t get a pram or car seats”

“I didn’t think about that”

He’d only thought of how to make their home as comfortable as possible for their twins

“I didn’t either. Mum’s getting us car seats”

“Is that because of her driving?”

“I’m not about to disagree. Are you sitting down yet?”

“It hurts less to stand”

“Did you take your shoes off?”

“How am I supposed to reach without you?”

“Carefully?”

Lance chuckled into the phone. He was acting like a nutter, still, everything he said Keith seemed to have a quick comeback for

“I’m too fat for that. I’m grateful yoga pants are stretchy”

“They do make your arse look good”

“I know. I liked this shirt”

“We’ll get you a new one when we get out of here”

Lance nodded, wiping his nose with the back of his hand, voice cracking as he smiled

“I’d like that. Coran’s probably going to keep me in again”

“Then we’ll stage a break out”

Coran would shoot them. Heck, Shiro might even kneecap them for trying

“Will you throw me over your shoulder and make a run for it?”

“Nah, princess carry all the way, just like the diva you are”

“Hey, Keith. I really love you”

“I love you too, babe. We’re coming for you guys”

“I know you are. You always do”

“What can I say? I’m a sucker for a blood sucker”

In the background Pidge was groaning at the pair of them. Lance laughing at Keith’s bad joke startled Hunk, who raised an eyebrow

“Hunk’s looking at me like I’m weird”

“You are. All our friends are. Oh, Pidge says the twins have now become baguettes”

“Baguettes are pretty big... I don’t want to give birth to a foot long sub”

“That’s be a really long shit and stuff”

“I think it’d be worse than a dick punch”

His arse firmly noped that idea

“I’m ready to dick punch Coran if he forgot to tell us this was going to happen”

“I had the same thought. God. I’m terrible”

“We’re both as bad as each other”

“Maybe it’s a soulmate thing?”

“So that’s my super power? I can tell Shay I’m like the superhero of dick punches?”

“I think she’d laugh way too hard if you did”

“Probably. Have you sat down yet?”

“No... I don’t want to put the phone down”

“I don’t want you to either...”

“I won’t... Have you guys got us on camera?”

“Pidge has two monitors and I have no idea what’s happening on either of them”

“That sounds about right for her. I’m glad the internal line still works”

“I found some Blade comms, but I think all outgoing signals are jammed”

“Coran does own the whole block”

“Then he can afford to give me a pay rise for dealing with this shit”

“We are pretty broke”

“But we’re rich on love”

“Keith, put the phone on speaker!”

“You hear that?”

Pidge sounded grumpy

“Our gremlin being cranky?”

“Yeah. Are you okay to do that?”

“I’ve got it... lemme push the button”

Lance pressed speaker, managing to get it right again

“Okay, you’re on speaker, Pidge”

“Good! Hunk, help, they’re being romantic!”

“I know. I don’t know what Keith is saying, but it’s calming Lance down”

“They’re being all gross”

“Love isn’t gross”

“Because you and Shay are mental for each other. I’ll take my electronics instead. Now, I’m hooked up to your computer. Coran’s password works for everything”

“So it should work on here?”

“I’d say so. You ready?”

“Give it to me”

“It’s all one word. Coran-the-galant”

What the heck? Coran’s password involved himself? Then again, it was so weird that it was perfect. No one would think that Coran’s password was himself

“Pidge?”

[euphoric-melancholyy]

Manual Override

A/N: Written for the wonderful @blondsak for the irondad fic exchange!! She actually gave me this idea and I like to think I twisted it and made it my own. Angst and fluff ahead friends.

Also on Ao3

“FRIDAY has already scanned the area. There’s no civilians. Give me the mission rundown.” Tony says. He’s hovering above a rooftop with Peter, surrounded by dusty warehouses that look like they haven’t been visited in at least two decades. It’s a low grade mission for Iron Man, but he’s been trying to train Peter more. He’d been tipped off that more of Toomes weapons were being sold here, and Peter has seemed to make it his personal responsibility to keep them off the streets since The Vulture fiasco.

“Okay I swing in while you stand guard out here. The tracker said the computer that we want to hack into is somewhere in the middle of the building. We just have to get to it first. So, we take out the guys, or girls - girls can be super villains too! - guarding it, and then have FRIDAY or Karen download all the info. And then, get out and bust the bad guys. Easy peasy.” Peter smiles, fingers drumming against his leg in anticipation. 

“I think you’ve got it. Let’s go. You’re gonna do great, kid,” he says, trying to encourage Peter in a way he never was as a child. Or even an adult. He really doesn’t want to mess this up, whatever this is. 

Pepper had immediately coined it as co-parenting over dinner one night, much to Tony's denial. 

("So you're co-parenting the kid now?" she’d quipped, her brow raising as she suppressed a laugh. 

"No. I'm not a parent. A co-parent or a co--"

"You spent dinner last night telling me about his chemistry project and academic decathlon meets. The only other person you talk about more is yourself."

"Not true."

Her amused smile turned smug as she cast her gaze to the ceiling. "FRIDAY?"

There was a pause as the A.I. gathered her data. "In the past 5 months, you have talked about Peter 40% more than anyone else. Most of your conversations with Happy Hogan revolve around Peter Parker as well."

"That doesn't prove anything."

"You picked him up from school, Tony. Because he was sick."

"I was being a responsible mentor. "

"Parent."

"Mentor."

"Fine, live in denial. Tell May I said hi at your monthly dinner where you talk about your kid.") 

Tony smiles at the memory. And yes, maybe he had bought back the tower on impulse after Karen called him while Spider-Man was half out of his mind with pain and a knife wedged six inches into his leg. And if he thought the sight of blood seeping profusely from the wound was awful, it was nothing compared to his mentee's muffled cries as he held him against his chest during the flight over. After that, Tony had upped his training. Which brings them here. He’s brought out of his reverie with the sound of said kid quietly singing “Private Eyes” to himself. Under his mask, Tony smiles as he sighs. 

“How stealthy of you, Spider-Man.” 

Peter mutters an apology, but continues to hum the song at a lower volume. A few minutes pass before he speaks up. “I found it! It’s not even guarded. Okay, Karen, just do your thing.” A beat. “Okay, Mr. Stark. It’s downloading. I’ll just...wait here.” 

"Boss. I think -" FRIDAY stops mid sentence, her constant, faint humming silencing completely. He calls out for her, and nothing happens. He calls for Peter and Spider-Man. Nothing. His stomach drops, a panic coiling it’s way up his throat, constricting his airwaves and he has to get out, has to help Peter, Peter --

"Confused, Stark?" A voice taunts into his comm. It’s an older, male voice, raspy and definitely not the voice he was wanting to hear. "Just consider me an old friend.” 

“You’re not FRIDAY,” Tony bites. It’s not, and as he says it he realizes shit, FRIDAY is gone. He racks his brain for anything, any sort of recognition or plan. This voice, it’s not entirely foreign. He’s heard it before somewhere, he knows. He’s had to. He’s --

“I always knew arrogance would be your downfall, Anthony. Thinking no one could ever replicate or hack your tech. Though I gotta admit, this suit is incredibly impressive. Who knew I’d have this much fun watching your vitals? The way your panic is increasing every time I speak, it’s just pure joy. I mean, I didn’t plan to take you out via heart attack, but can you imagine the headlines? Scaring Iron Man to death. Now that’s a feat.” 

“How the fuck did you even hack my suit?” 

“It was easy as soon as you hacked into my system. Getting you here was laughably easy, too. I can’t believe you fell for that whole Toomes weapon bullshit. And now, I own you.”

“Like hell you do,” Tony spits. But as soon as he says it, he realizes he can’t leave the suit. He’s trapped, a powerlessness seeping in that he hasn’t felt since Obie ripped his arc reactor out or since he watched Pepper fall into a fiery explosion. He swallows past the lump in his throat, breathing in and out twice, praying to whatever god or gods that Peter stays hidden. As if mocking him, the voice says.

“It's a pity that Spider nuisance has to suffer too. Seems smart, young. Is that how you like them, Stark?"

Dread pools in his gut, burning hot and wrathful. He tries to move, but the suit remains still. Stuck. Trapped in his own creation.

"You touch him and I'll gut you from the inside out," Tony spits.

"Oh I wouldn't dare. You will though." 

Tony's blood runs cold. Against his will, he flies through the window, shattering it. Spider-Man is a few rooms over. Tony stares, terrified, as his screen outlines his figure in neon red, underlined with the word TARGET.

The Iron Man suit fires, and Spider-Man dodges, the eyes of the mask widening. 

“Woah, Mr. Stark! I know -”

The gauntlet fires again, this time grazing Peter’s arm. Tony can see angry red blisters that rival the color of his suit. The younger hero stumbles and falls back, shooting a web at Iron Man’s extended arm. 

“I’m so sorry I can’t control it!” Tony pleads. He was wrong, and in this moment he knows it more fiercely than he has ever known anything. He cares for Peter, feels it deep in his bones as the metal around his hand makes contact with Peter’s mask. He hears a crack and a curse muffled by red spandex.

Tony’s own nerves are fraying, the earlier panic threatening to spill over into a full blown attack. 

He, the suit he tells himself, not me, the hacker, yanks Peter up, repulsors burning angry through the suit and into his skin. Tony thinks of all the times he’s picked him up to protect and rescue him. He thinks he might puke as he throws him across the room, denting the wall.

It was only a month ago that he gave Peter the-worlds-most-awkward-talk on panic attacks in existence. 

("Pete - you know," he stops, running a hand down his face and pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm the world's worst example of how to handle emotions and um," he swallows down the urge to divert the conversation. "Trauma. But it unfortunately comes with the job. The wormhole might have looked cool, but it really fucked with my head - sorry I shouldn't say fucked, but - dammit." He sighs, finally directing his gaze to Peter. He's curious, face reddened with embarrassment, but he's hanging on Tony's every word. So he barrels on. "My therapist tells me it's good, to you know, talk about this shit. And it is - I've learned. I was having panic attacks nearly every day, but the last straw was when I nearly killed Pep after waking up from a nightmare. After that, I knew I needed help. Anyway, it's actually been really good and I can set you up with a therapist, which I think you should see because panic attacks suck. You can also talk to me, if you want. You aren't alone and I care about you and all that jazz." Tony claps his hands together before placing one on Peter's shoulder. "Okay, great talk." He pats his shoulder, looking away from the sheen in Peter's eyes.)

A hysterical laugh bubbles to the surface at the memory. Some fucking mentor he is. Parent, he clarifies, Pepper’s accusation ringing more true with each second. Peter’s finally defending himself against Tony’s advances. Still not fighting back, even as he screams at him to. 

Peter himself has been uncharacteristically quiet as he fights, and Tony feels a rush of guilt. He can’t do anything, trapped. Peter, Tony realizes with horrifying clarity, is probably afraid of hurting him.

“I swear to god, kid, if you don’t start fighting back I’m going to-”

The fist to his stomach has him seeing white. It’s the most welcomed pain he’s ever felt in his life. His head falls against the concrete, and Tony smiles, tasting metal. Spider-Man looms over him, head tilted to the side in worry. “I’m so so sorry, Mr. Stark. Are you okay?” 

Tony grunts. The voice comes back. 

“I wonder what electrocution will do to your heart,” it teases. He thinks this is already the worst thing that could happen to his heart, but he protests against the suggestion anyway. 

“Now wait a second!” He hears the suit charge up. 

Everything goes dark. 

Peter watches, as the suit jerks, and then slumps, an unfamiliar voice speaking. “Tony Stark isn’t here anymore.” 

-/-/-/-

“Mr. Stark!” Peter screams. It’s guttural, the crack of his voice echoing off the empty walls. He drops to his knees in front of his mentor, hands and lips trembling. “No, no, no. Mr. Stark. I’m so sorry, please be okay. Please be okay, sir. You’ve gotta - Mr. Stark,”

The air around him tastes stale and his breaths come in short, shallows gasps. There’s a deep, piercing throbbing in his head, like fingernails engraving their crescents into his scalp. He focuses on the pain, on the taste of salt and blood on his lips. His fingers tremble as he reaches for the suit, gently at first. The red metal is smooth and warm from battle. He caresses it, whispering a prayer. 

Please don’t be dead. Please don’t be dead. Tony I need you. -

Mr. Stark had told him he was strong once, but he can feel himself crumbling now. He shuts his eyes tight, scrunching his face as the memory resurfaces. 

(Peter sits on the kitchen island at the penthouse, legs dangling back in forth, a bowl of Frosted Flakes in his hands. “So who do you think is the strongest Avenger?” he asked. “And you can’t say Iron Man. That’s cheating.” Tony raises a brow. 

“Well that’s just no fun. But just between you and me? Bruce. If you tell him I said so, I’m stealing your baby pictures from May and sending them to the team.” 

Peter drops his spoon. “You wouldn’t.”

“Is that a bet you wanna take? You know what, actually. There is someone who gives him a run for his money.”

“Thor. Obviously Thor.”

“What is it with you and Point Break, kid? No. It’s you. You - savor this moment Pete. I will deny if asked, but kid? Saving Toomes after he repeatedly tried to kill you? After everything he did...I...That’s strength. Not to mention the whole lifting a building that collapsed on top of you too. In your underoos suit.”

Peter ignores the last bit, lets disbelief and pride mingle together as he considers his response. “Thank you,” he whispers just loud enough for him to hear.)

Peter swallows down the lump in his throat, opens his eyes and looks at the unresponsive suit in front of him. The eyes of the Iron Man mask are black. Peter grips the metal around the suits abdomen and pulls. It rips, pulls crimson from the skin of his finger. Underneath the metal, he sees one of Tony’s workout shirts stretched over his stomach, slightly torn. He pulls more. Again

The offbeat thump thump of Tony’s heartbeat and gasp for air as Peter carefully removes the mask, sends relief flooding Peter so fast he practically falls into Tony. 

“I thought you were -” Peter stops on a sob. “You weren’t responding. Mr. Stark and the voice--” Peter buries his still masked head in Tony’s neck. 

“I’m okay, kid.” Tony’s hand cradles Peter’s head and he melts into the touch. They sit like that for a minute, relishing in the others aliveness. “Hey, Peter? Can you look at me for a sec?"  Reluctantly, Peter sits up, pulls away just enough for Tony to reach out and remove Peter's mask. Tony curses at the sight of his face, blotchy red rimmed eyes. Blood trickles down his temple, cheekbone a mixture of purple and yellow. His nose is crooked, broken.  “Peter, I’m so so sorry--”

“You’re sorry? No, I’m sorry. I had, I had this feeling but I just thought, I don’t know what I thought. I should have known something was wrong sooner-”

“Nope. No we aren’t playing this game. In no universe was this your fault.”

“Well then it wasn’t yours either.”

“Kid…”

“I heard him, the dude who Pod personed you. I know you’d never try to hurt me like that. Besides, I’ve had worse face planting into a brick building while swinging and making a tik tok. It’s fine, Mr. Stark.” They both know the latter part is a lie, but Tony’s lips quirk into an almost smile at the memory. 

“But I-”

“No. Can we just...go home?” Peter’s thumb circles on the pulse point at Tony’s wrist, and he exhales on a deep breath. His whole body aches. 

“Yeah, Pete. I just gotta do something real quick.” 

Tony calls Rhodey, has him track the hacker down. They later find it was a former SI employee, William Riva, whom Obie had fired over not being able to replicate the arc reactor. It only intensifies Tony’s guilt, but he stirs in it quietly. Peter’s enhancement leaves no scars for Tony to ruminate over. And though Tony had expected Peter to distance himself, quite the opposite happens.

A week later, after spending every other afternoon at the Tower, Peter finds himself with a real, official internship with SI. He’s more of Tony’s personal assistant than any of the other interns, but it gives him a chance to work in the labs with Tony. To Doomsday plan suits and run codes to prevent any sort of future hacking. Briefly thinking his mentor might have died, had solidified a scary thought, but when Tony wraps Peter in a hug like it’s the most natural thing in the world, he accepts it. Mr. Stark is a friend and a teammate and a mentor. But more than that, Peter sees him as the closest thing he’s had to a father figure since Ben. He’s pretty sure Tony feels the same, with all of his mother-henning and safety protocols, but he’s not going to be the one to bring it up. When it comes down to it, Peter will do anything to protect that, no matter where it takes him. 

[that-one-thespian]

Zuriel doesn’t know what to think when he finds the secret compartment in the wall. He’s even more confused when he finds the jar, and even more baffled when he sees the runes engraved on the side. What is this? 

Uncertainly, he removes the jar, running his fingers over the runes as he tries to decipher them. He’s never seen something like this before. When the door to the compartment slams closed, he yelps and jumps as the jar slips from his fingers. All he can do is watch in horror as the jar crashes to the ground and shatters, spilling a wispy blue smoke across the tile.

Oh, no. 

He freezes, watching the smoke spread around him, then gasps as it starts to climb up his leg. He beats his wings frantically as the smoke travels higher, but it doesn’t do much of anything to send it away from him. The smoke envelopes his face in a matter of seconds, and he crumples to the floor. 

~

“Mr Emerson, watch this!”

Noah leans against the door, watching his students slide down the hill outside the schoolhouse. Isabella pulls a wooden sled up the snowy hill, steering clear of the well-worn tracks on one side of the hill, where the rest of his students are shouting with glee. 

It was Henry who had called to him, sweet little Henry. 

“I’m gonna go all the way down from the very top!”

“All the way from the top?” Noah widens his eyes, watching the adorable first year student march up to the apex of the hill.

“Are you watching?”

“I’m watching!” 

Henry grins and launches himself down the hill on the sled, whooping with glee. As promised, Noah watches him practically fly, laughing with him. When the sled slides to a stop, Henry adjusts his hat, wiping snow out of his face, and beams at Noah, bright eyed and rosy cheeked. “Did you watch? Did you? Wasn’t that amazing?”

Noah smiles at him. “I was watching, Henry. You were going so fast!”

The smile on Henry’s face reminds Noah why he loves to teach.

~

Zuriel gasps on the floor, trying to sit up. Was- was that him? As a human? Are these- these must be his human memories. Oh, he shouldn’t be seeing these, this isn’t, he shouldn’t. His memories hold the potential to hinder his performance as a guardian, at least that’s what Charmeine tells him. But he- he doesn’t know how to stop himself from seeing these memories, flashing by his face almost too fast for him to consciously comprehend, yet they feel right as they settle into place. Before he can try to pull himself away from the things he shouldn’t be seeing, he gets sucked in again, his vision graying out into nothingness.

~

"Focus, Zuriel.” Charmeine’s sword clashes against his own, and he throws Zuriel back. “I expected more from you.”

Zuriel’s chest heaves as he stumbles back. “Sorry!” He pants nervously, managing to keep his grip on his sword. “I- I’m trying.”

“Are you?” Charmeine goes on the offensive, and Zuriel just barely manages to block the blows, one after another after another. He trips over his own feet as one particular blow knocks him off-balance, sending him to the ground. 

Charmeine’s sword clatters as he tosses it aside, and heavy fists start to rain down on him, over and over, until finally Zuriel cries out as he feels something give in his nose, as blood runs down his face.

Immediately, Charmeine stops and stands. “What have I told you, Zuriel? Never let your opponent know they’ve hurt you. Silence. Even if you’re hurt.”

Zuriel stammers out an apology, trying to stem the blood flow with his tunic, but gets only a scoff in reply.

Charmeine wipes the silver, opalescent blood off of his hands, then picks up his sword. “Again.”

~

Zuriel doesn’t know how long he lays on the floor in a fetal position, watching endless memories flash by in a tenth of a second. But finally, finally, it’s over. 

He takes a deep breath, trying to sort through what just happened. What he can conclude. Focus, Zuriel.

Charmeine stole his memories. All of his memories, not just his human ones. That- Charmeine said that his human memories were dangerous. But- he had wings and a halo in some of them. Charmeine was there. 

These were memories of his training. His training, over and over and over. Being told try again, do better, not yet. Waking up to Charmeine’s face, welcome to the heavens, training, training, do more, it’s not enough, be better, waking up, welcome to the heavens, sparring and teaching and-

His memories. All of them. These- there have to be years of memories that have been downloaded into his brain. The same thing, slightly different, over and over and over.

But Charmeine said-

How many times had Charmeine said that?

What had Charmeine done?

“What’s happened, Zuriel?” Charmeine appears in a rustle of feathers, looking at him on the floor. His eyes land on the shattered jar, and he heaves a heavy sigh. “Ah. What a shame. You were almost perfect, this time. Of course you had to find them.”

Zuriel scrambles to his feet. “I don’t- I- I found- this time?”

“Yes, this time. You can’t honestly think that I-” His mentor laughs. “Silly boy.”

Zuriel shakes his head, backing away from the archangel. “You can’t- I won’t- I won’t let you do it again.”

Charmeine looks faintly amused, strolling forward with his lip curling in a smile. “That’s what you said last time.” Then he snaps his fingers, and Zuriel knows no more.

[perspective-series]

Injured Perspective (1/12)

By: @arc852 and @hiddendreamer67

Warnings: Roman’s injured but that’s just a thing, he’s already in a cast

First Chapter (here) || Next Chapter

Summary: Roman wouldn’t stop bemoaning his broken leg, forced into bed by a stubborn mother hen Patton, but then a small discovery makes his required bed-rest a lot more interesting. Meanwhile, Virgil the borrower is freaking out- he’s been seen. He needs to move, right? That would be the smart thing to do; but then again, Logan’s looking a little too ill to travel... and it doesn’t look like the human’s going anywhere anytime soon...

(psst... lowkey this is like our favorite perspective story, that’s why it’s last)

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“This is torture!” Roman’s moans echoed throughout the hall as he was all but dragged to his bed like a limp rag doll. “Bedridden? Me?”  It was all because of one stupid incident, and now, one broken leg later, Roman would not be premiering in the summertime production of Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Roman was not taking this development well.

 Patton hoisted Roman into his bed with a small grunt. But after Roman was in bed, he gave him a small smile. “I know, Ro. But you need rest if you want to get better.” Patton placed the crutches he had also been carrying near the bed. “Here’s so you can get around for the bathroom but you should only use it if you have to. The doctor said you need to stay in bed for the next few days so your leg heals properly.” Patton explained.

“What does he know?” Roman muttered, crossing his arms like a pouting child. “Just because he went to nerd school.”

 Patton looked at his best friend fondly. “Don’t worry, you’ll be back up and putting on a show in no time!” Patton exclaimed, before standing up. “I have to get to class, but I’ll be back to make you dinner. And if you need anything, don’t hesitate to call, okay?” Patton said.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh.” Roman threw his head back, letting out a groan. “I’m going to be so bored.”

 Patton couldn’t help but chuckle at Roman’s dramatics. “Well, good. Maybe you’ll actually get some rest.” Patton’s lip twitched up in a little smirk.

Roman just glared at him, clearly not as amused.

 Patton chuckled again. “Or, you could watch all the Disney movies I downloaded onto your phone while you were at the hospital.” Patton said with a grin, this time.

“Pat, you did that?” Instantly Roman’s face morphed into one of gratitude. “You are an angel, Pattoncake. The sweetest cherry to ever make it to the top of an ice cream sundae.”

 Patton blushed at the compliment, grin growing wider. “Aww, Roman! Honestly, it was the least I could do.” Patton glanced at Roman’s bedside clock. “Oh, but I really should head out. See ya later Ro!” And with that, Patton exited the apartment.

Roman did end up watching his phone for a while. That was when the hours seemed to pass easily. Unfortunately, his phone battery didn’t last forever, and he had foolishly left his charger on the other end of the room. Roman groaned, feeling far too exhausted to try using his crutches again. He had failed at it the first few times to the point where Patton just offered to help him. 

So instead, Roman spent much of his time trying to figure out things to do. He tried singing songs and telling himself stories, but soon his voice began to ache from constant use. Now Roman just sat staring at the ceiling, listening to the clock tick. 

Was this what purgatory felt like? Roman felt trapped in this bed, slowly losing his mind.

 Virgil peeked out from his entrance on the floor, eyes going to the bed. He sighed as he saw the human was back. Darn. And it had been so nice when he was gone those few days. He had been able to get an abundance of supplies with him being gone all day. In fact, he had been planning on getting the last of his items tonight, not realizing the human would be back.

 Though...maybe he could still get it. What he needed was on the human’s nightstand, right next to where the human was right now. But...if the human was asleep then maybe Virgil could do this. Besides, the human seemed injured and injured humans tended to sleep longer, didn’t they?

 Biting his lip and pulling together all his bravery, Virgil marched up to the nightstand and through his hook up. Once it caught, he started to climb. Just grab it and go. Simple enough. 

Roman froze, hearing a soft scraping sound off to his right.

... that was new.

Did his apartment have mice? But why did it sound like it was getting closer? Cringing, Roman turned his head, hoping he could at least catch a glimpse.

 Virgil pulled himself up, stretching as he stood up. Alright, now, where was it? He scanned the nightstand, wanting to grab it and go so he could get away from the human.

Roman’s eyes widened, hardly daring to breathe. Only in his wildest daydreams would Roman have imagined this would be the source of the noise. A miniature person, standing but a few feet away from himself. 

 Virgil made to step closer but paused. The hair on the back of his neck stood up and slowly, ever so slowly, Virgil looked up.

 Only to meet the human’s wide-eyed gaze. 

 Virgil stood, frozen in fear as his eyes widened to match the human’s.

“Who are you?” Roman asked quietly, slowly reaching out a hand as if to confirm this was real.

 Virgil backed away from the hand, almost falling off the edge as he ran out of nightstand. He had been so stupid. Why hadn’t he checked the human out more? Now, he was going to pay the price. He shut his eyes tight, waiting for the inevitable. 

Roman grunted, his fingertips just falling short of the tiny person. No matter how he strained, his arm couldn’t reach from the bed.

“You are real, right?” Roman asked, setting his hand down defeatedly on the nightstand surface. “I’m not crazy?”

 Virgil looked as the human spoke again. The hand laid there, unmoving and...unable to reach him. Oh, what a lucky break. “No, you’re crazy.” Was what Virgil said as he started inching his way towards his hook to get the heck out of there. He didn’t dare take a step closer to the human though, for the fear of being grabbed.

Roman grinned, too excited that the creature had spoken to feel offended. “This is wild. Who are you? Where’d you come from? Why’re you so small?”

 Virgil didn’t answer, looking around for his hook. Where was...oh. Virgil stood there, staring at his hook that was well within the human’s reach. Well, that was just great.

Roman caught the person’s gaze, spotting the fishing hook embedded near his hand. He reached over, plucking it up in his fingers. Roman brought it closer to himself, looking it over. It had a string attached to it and appeared to function like a mini grappling hook.

 Virgil blinked and then glared. “Hey! Give that back!” He almost stomped forward but stopped himself.

“Relax, I’m not going to break it.” Roman assured him. Getting an idea, Roman set the hook down on the nightstand nearest to himself.

 Virgil glared at the human. “Nice try.” He growled out.

“Oh come on, I’m not going to hurt you.” Roman assured him. He stuck out a finger, beckoning the tiny closer. 

 “Yeah, not taking that chance.” Virgil glanced at his hook but knew he couldn’t get it. Instead, he turned and started to climb down the nightstand without it.

“Wha-? Hey, where are you going?” Roman sat up further, trying to keep the person in his sights. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I’ll give it back for real this time.”

 “Yeah, like I’m gonna fall for that.” Virgil said out loud. When he reached the floor, Virgil wasted no time in jogging across the floor towards his exit.

“No tricks, I swear!” Roman called out, having lost sight of the tiny person. “...hello?” 

Roman groaned, realizing he was talking to the empty air again. Great, he blew it.

 As soon as Virgil got back into the walls, he fell to his knees. His body shook as he processed what had just happened. He...He had almost gotten caught. Just because he had been stupid and had forgotten to check to see if the human was really asleep. Those days he had gotten alone must have lowered his guard. Well, never again.

 He was just thankful that the human hadn’t been able to reach him. If he hadn’t been hurt and in bed, Virgil would have been...well, he wouldn’t have been able to go home, like he is now. 

 Still, it sucked that he lost his hook. It sucked even more, because he didn’t have any string to be able to make another one. Great, what was he gonna do now?

----------------------------------------------

 Patton hummed as he used the spare key to get into Roman’s apartment. He had a bag of groceries with him, having seen before that Roman barely had anything to cook with. “Roman! I’m back!” He called out. He set the groceries on the counter and went to Roman’s room.

 “You doing okay?”

Roman blinked, startled out of his thoughts when Patton returned later in the day. “What? Um, oh just dandy.” His hand clenched tighter around the hook, held under the blankets.

 “That’s good! I’m gonna get started on dinner. Anything you craving? I bought a bit of everything.” Patton said with a bright smile.

“Anything is fine for me.” Roman shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant.

 “Alright! Well, I’ll be right back.” Patton went back to the kitchen, looking through the food before deciding on making some green bean and tater tot casserole. 

Roman pulled out his hand, slowly uncurling his fingers and looking at the fish hook. He debated back and forth about telling Patton. Should he? Patton might think he was crazy, but he did have proof...sort of. Then again, Roman kind of liked the idea of keeping this a secret. His own little mystery to solve while stuck in bed. Besides, he could always tell Patton later, but he could never UN-tell Patton.

Thus decided, Roman tucked the hook underneath his pillow.

 It was about a half hour later when Patton brought up a steaming plate of food. Two, in fact, since he wanted to keep Roman company while he ate. “Here you go!” He handed the plate to Roman and then pulled out Roman’s desk chair to sit by his bedside as he ate his own.

 “So! Anything interesting happen?” Patton asked, despite knowing that probably nothing did. Roman was stuck in bed all day, after all.

“Oh, just a few little things.” Roman sniffed the aroma coming off his plate with a smile. “Mmm, Patton this smells delicious.”

 “Why thank you!” Patton grinned and then went to take a bite after blowing on it. He hummed. “So, did you want me to stay the night? Or are you okay here alone until morning?” Patton asked.

“I think I’ll be alright.” Roman said. “Besides, if I need anything I can just call you. Ooh, speaking of, could you move my phone charger closer? My phone died earlier and I can’t reach it.”

 “Oh, yeah, of course!” Patton set his plate aside and got up to hand Roman the charger. “There you go! Sorry, I should have thought of that before I left.” Patton said sheepishly.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” Roman waved him off. Honestly, if his phone had remained charged he might never have noticed the little man.

 Patton nodded, finishing up his plate. “Is there anything you need me to grab for you before I head back home for the night?” Patton asked, taking Roman’s plate after making sure he was done with it.

“No, I’m good.” Roman shook his head, giving Patton a sweet smile. “Thank you so much for all your help, Pat. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

 “Aww, of course Ro. You know I’m always here for ya!” Patton stood up, heading towards the door. “I’ll see ya in the morning! Get some rest!”

“Will do!” Roman waved goodbye. 

 Virgil couldn’t actually believe he was entertaining the thought. He had already been stupid once today, he couldn’t afford to be stupid again. But...well, it was the middle of the night now. The human had to be asleep, actually asleep, this time. Right? And maybe, if he came back so soon, it would be completely unexpected and the human wouldn’t be looking for him.

 Ugh, the only reason Virgil was entertaining the thought was because he wanted to get his hook back. He had already looked all over for supplies to make a replacement, but it seemed he was at a loss. And if he didn’t have his hook, it would be a lot harder to get around.

 Virgil started walking towards another one of his exits. If he...if he was going to do this. He had to be sure the human was asleep this time. Which meant getting a higher point of view. He slowly and carefully exited out of the wall and onto the human’s wooden dresser.

 His eyes scanned the room, landing on the human in bed.

Roman had his eyes closed, looking to all the world asleep. However, Roman was far from resting. His ears were focused in, trying to pick up any sign of the person’s return. He had no guarantee he’d see the little man again, but Roman certainly had to try.

 Okay, so it looked like the human was asleep this time. Good. But he still had to be careful. Virgil’s eyes went to the nightstand, the one he had been on before, and saw his hook laying there. Okay, his target was in sight...but how was he going to get to it. He was loath to get that close to the human again, but if he had to…

 Virgil couldn’t help as he started pacing, thinking up a plan.

There. Roman heard it, the soft pitter patter of tiny footsteps. He slowly opened his eyes, squinting in the darkness. His eyes widened, landing on the figure pacing back and forth on his dresser. Roman couldn’t help but grin at the sight of him.

 Maybe if he just went up and got it real quick, everything would be fine...of course, that was the same line of thought he had before, and look how that turned out. Virgil sighed, at this rate he was never going to get his hook back.

 He turned back to check on the human again, only to freeze for the second time that day as he met the human’s eyes. Oh...not again.

[losangelesvalorant]

final thoughts on games today:

Tl;dr: london is going to have Issues with a capital I, paris is fine and will be better w hanbin, boston were okay and them losing just solidifies how fucking scary and well-oiled nyxl is rather than boston being terrible. Titans, like usual, have no respect for their opponents and could be even scarier /if/ they wanted to be, valiant pops off sometimes but cant do it consistently, shock looks rusty and dallas needs to pocket decay even harder than they already are to win games.

london: i see a lot of potential in them, but until they gain confidence they’re c tier for me. They seem overcoached and lost when they aren’t unable to go through with their set plays, of which they way too many for each map. When they were able to play their game, they cycled their ults well, but were easily forced out of their comfort zone. Bernar tried his best to carry, but jmac looked lost and wasn’t able to bait nicodgh’s walls at all, that might be a problem w coordination w sanguinar for speedboost tho. babel wasn’t quick enough to get his walls out in time, though they were great when he did. Glister and highly tried their best, sanguinar seems to play very individualistically which gave london chances, but fdgod just outplayed him mostly. Once teams figure out how to play vs them they’re fucked unless the coaches move away from set plays and unless the team builds more confidence. This team is going to suffer with hero pools if they don’t fix something quick. London honestly and truly has a TON of potential, but not the coordination or confidence or coaching to utilize it.

paris: they’re gonna be scary as they get more coordinated! Can’t wait til they can run at full strength w better tanks. They made good adaptations and looked good doing it. Nicodgh’s walls were sick, nosmite looked great, fdgod is a fragger, xzi clicked heads and greyy and hyp did good too. Benbest i didnt watch. I really like what i see with this team, but we haven’t seen them at full strength so i dont feel like i have much to say about them. Definitely a dark horse for me. They should thrive with hero pools. 

nyxl: nyxl looks as dominant as ever. They’re coordinated, smart, aware, turn impossible situations around, and quickly shut down every win condition boston had before they could even execute it. Though whoru’s mei is def the weak link for me (his walls kinda suck. I think theyre just giving him stage experience here tbh. His genji slaps tho), him and sbb/nenne are a scary duo, everything that can be said abt jjonak and anamo has been said already (They are the best. They are the best. They are the best.), and mano and hotba are both doing excellently. I dont feel that this is their optimal meta, but nyxl has showed a lot of willingness to adapt to their opponents and make swaps, which i like. I’m not worried for them in hero pools, though they might stumble a bit. They’re solidly in S tier for me now

boston: This is gonna be controversial (and take this w a grain of salt cuz im plat.) but boston played better than i expected cuz im a pessimist and was expecting them to get completely rolled, and they at least showed some signs of life. They’ve clearly scrimmed a lot of different comps and looked at least vaguely competent in them, which is more than dallas valiant and london can say. They tried to go for a lot of clutches which never rly worked. they tried to adapt, but nyxl outmatched them and kinda drove them away. Axxiom and fusions were coordinated and i liked their dive, their double shield not so much. boston dps were holding their own, swimmer and myunbong were too, there’s not rly a carry on this team. axxiom i think is being slept on tho. They could definitely kite better and coordinate more, and make faster/smarter swaps, but they at least looked pretty synergized. They were clearly outmatched but they def looked better throughout the whole series than london did vs nyxl after the first 2 maps. Boston seems like a B- tier team to me, but they could be better and i do want to see them play more before im certain abt this. I’d call this a quality loss despite the scoreline

vancouver: Titans clearly didn’t prep much for this match and didn’t respect valiant as much as they should have. There’s no weak points on this team, just that all of them went for clutches they shouldn’t have and got punished for it bc they assumed valiant would be weaker than they were. Titans hate being methodical but are great when they are. When they subbed stitch in, they went for more dumb plays it seemed like, so i bet sms is the one keeping them chill. Fissure’s playing bumper style (taking space and dying for it) but quieter, which I like, bc it means they can pocket haksal harder and let twilight go for more plays. Good adaptations, great plays, great synergy, once titans got their feet under them and downloaded valiant it was over. Their dive was soooo clean. Nothing to be said about this roster that hasnt been said already (theyre the best). This is classic titans and im glad to see losing bumper hasnt completely stopped them from doing dumb shit, cuz even if it hurts me to watch its fun. They should be absolutely fine with hero pools, S tier.

valiant: Valiant only have one comp and theyre Very good at it, especially in the mirror, but theyre having trouble adapting to titans. They have very high highs and very low lows, they also try to clutch sometimes and fuck up. When the team pops off theyre sick, when they dont they… dont. Gig is a madlad. I do like that they prepped for the titan’s bap strat on lijiang and shut it down entirely, that was very good coaching, but they weren’t able to adapt to non-mirror matches after that. They might get fucked by hero pools bc they didn’t show anything successfully other than rein/dva variations, but we’ll see. I'm finding them fun to watch and I'm interested to see if they can consistently maintain their peak play. B tier, i think their weaknesses are more exploitable than boston’s but that boston would lose to them. Id compare them to hunters last year but if hunters played meta

shock: I didnt watch this match super close tbh. Shock looks strong as usual, but they stumbled far too much for my liking when they let doha and decay get value but otherwise incredibly dominant. Architect’s ana got sooooo much value as the series went on, beautiful sleeps beautiful nades beautiful nanos etc *chefs kiss.* i dont think shock prepped super hard for them, and they rly couldve adapted better on horizon and won that map, but it was overall dominant. They seemed pretty rusty honestly but theyre still good, but they should be pissed they got fullheld on horizon. I’m not going to draw any conclusions from this game when it comes to shock bc its one game and its their first game back. S tier, they’ll be fine with hero pools.

Dallas: Dallas looked way better than yesterday, when decay and doha were unleashed and it was less about taking space they were monsters. Tank play was better but not great, glad theyre not making note play rein anymore. Decay is a god and doha played around him really well and his walls were sick. When decay couldn’t play mccree and couldnt get support, there was nothing dallas could do. Gamsu… seemed a bit tilted and used ults he shouldnt have. There were also communication issues, it didnt seem like trill called some of his shatters which meant the team couldnt follow up. They weren’t able to adapt that well without set strats, and other teams will use that to their advantage. Once a team figures out how to shut down doha and decay the game is over. C tier, will struggle in hero pools

right now rankings for me go titans, nyxl shock in S tier, glads in A tier, toronto, paris, valiant, boston in B tier, dallas, london in C tier

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

in an attempt to keep my shit together, a list of things I would really, really like to get done this weekend:

reply to a couple new Etsy messages

actually make my one outstanding Etsy order, which really shouldn’t be that hard

answer the survey for a Kickstarter I recently backed

try to finish my will, I mostly just need to make like...one more decision (I mean the accompanying “here’s what I would like to happen with my shit that isn’t monetarily valuable but it’s valuable to me and

check out a couple different “hey you could get like $10 from this class-action lawsuit” notices I got recently, because if they seem legit and I qualify, then yeah of course I want a little money for minimal effort

write and mail postcards for a local candidate (I only have 10, it should be easy, and I have a good motivation because apparently this guy needs petition signatures to get on the ballot at all and I definitely want him there because he seems like the only halfway-decent choice for my state house district)

bonus: I might be able to play the slot machines in the current SWTOR event while I write postcards, which would be nice because a) I always feel better when I’m multitasking and b) it will probably surprise no one to learn that virtual slot machines are incredibly fucking boring and if I can’t multitask I’m gonna lose it, but also I do have chips to spend

pick at least one good organization helping in Beirut and donate to it

submit an appeal to my insurance company and hope I can convince them to pay for the vision therapy that might help my headaches

also figure out wtf is going on with this dental claim because yes, y’all definitely cover me?? this has not changed since the last dentist appointment, which you covered no problem??

buy one or two Fanatical game bundles because there are some I definitely want and I’m not sure how long they’ll be available

handwash my face masks because I uh, haven’t done that whoops

try to read a bunch on Comixology Unlimited because my 60-day trial is up next week and no I don’t know how the fuck that happened so fast

leave more voicemails for my legislators, particularly my senators, because FUCK YOU FOR GOING ON RECESS BECAUSE YOU COULDN’T DO YOUR FUCKING JOBS AND PASS MORE COVID RELIEF. BECAUSE MCCONNELL IS OF COURSE BLAMING THE LACK OF COMPROMISE ON DEMOCRATS WHEN HE DICKED AROUND DOING NOTHING FOR MONTHS AFTER THE HOUSE PASSED THE HEROES ACT AND NOW SUDDENLY IT’S THE DEMOCRATS’ FAULT THAT THEY WANT SOMETHING BETTER THAN THE SHITTY HEALS ACT THAT INCLUDES PATHETICALLY TINY UNEMPLOYMENT PAYMENTS AND ZERO MONEY FOR STATE AND LOCAL GOVERNMENTS. LITERALLY FUCK ALL OF YOU GHOULS

also I keep meaning to email my state legislators and I should really just...do that

keep trying to get Hazy adjusted to the sound of the nail grinder so I can maybe actually try to use it (should also probably do yet more research on what to do when your dog haaaaaates getting her nails clipped)

close some tabs oh my god. close a lot of tabs. I have four Firefox windows open and one of them is 22 tabs of articles I’ve been planning to read and then post on Facebook, which unfortunately takes kind of a lot of time (but also they’re probably important and if I just bookmark them I’ll never return to them??), and another has 19 tabs of mostly ADHD advice that I need to read (and of course all of those include links to similar articles, so it’s like a fucking hydra every time I try to weed through them), and all these tabs are making FIrefox very slow and bad and I have got to deal with them somehow.

things that would be really nice to do:

glue some stuff that needs gluing, it shouldn’t take that long and it would be just be nice to finally get that done (also one of the things is glass and it’s...probably not the smartest or safest thing to have glass pieces just, like, lying around)

type stuff and maaaaaaybe even work on a fic?? like there’s this one fic that is genuinely almost done, and a few others that are probably almost done, and I haven’t finished anything since fucking January and it sucks

do a couple more finishing touches on my Young Loki custom and take photos of him

do...some other painting stuff? designing more Pride Cap shields?

it wouldn’t hurt to download whatever I want from Humble Trove now and I should work on deciding what I want to do about Humble Choice, but I don’t really need to do that until next weekend