#it’s genuinely hard for me to keep track of which designs I’ve posted and which i haven’t | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

athinveil · 2 years ago

Note

saw you in the notes of some post saying you work in finance. like, no pressure, and i'm not expecting any depth from a tumblr ask, but... do you have any advice for people living paycheck to paycheck other than the classic "make a budget"? (i have already discovered that getting a credit card does not help.)

just wondering if there's anything you've learned from your profession that you wish was better known to the public

https://undebt.it/ is a big help to help pay off debt efficiently undebt it - google search if you don’t like hitting links - I don’t hitting links. I have a super hard time with budgets myself. And credit cards are rough - I get manic and then my budget friendly self can’t keep up with manic me.

Apologies in advance if some of this is like bro - I don’t live a place w these stores - just mentally replace store names with what’s around you.

If your debt has an interest rate under 7%, pay the minimums because a lot of investments will grow at 7% or better (common examples - car loans, most student loans, mortgages, etc.). Typically it’s better to focus on the higher interest loans/debt first. If it’s above 7%, prioritize that. A lot of minimum payments will also never pay off your debt - designed to keep you in it.

If you have a Roth option in your work retirement account, do that. It’s taxed now instead of in retirement - taxes only go up over time. However if you need to reduce your taxable income, then pretax dollars will do that. Only contribute up to the match if it’s not Roth. If it’s pretax, then you usually only want do up to the match. Maximize the free money you can get from your employer.

Always opt into long term disability insurance at work. When you can afford some extra coverage check out supplemental (most employers offer 60% in the US - if you only were paid 60% of your income it would be rough), life insurance is cheap - 200k is a small policy. The company you go with matters. A company like mass mutual or northwestern mutual (I’m at northwestern) gives higher dividends- basically a good chunk of profit goes back to policy holders instead of stockholders. Most companies can run company comparisons. Insurance pays for financial security. It’s not a scam - which is genuinely what I thought of it before I got into the field and understood it better.

Whole life insurance costs more - but it’s worth it. It’s like buying your insurance instead of renting. Again company matters - example: northwestern mutual cash value grows historically at 5% on average, give or take, usually give. It’s money you can use to collateralize a loan or take a loan out against your own policy and “be your own bank” - downside, if finances are unstable, it’s a policy with regular premiums. Unlike a Roth you can stop contributing to any time, you’re paying for coverage and it’s monthly or whatever interval without much for exceptions. Probably not a good fit for you right now with being paycheck to paycheck - but something to keep in mind for the future.

Some of my hacks for my own life and my tight budget - I get most of my stuff off of Facebook marketplace for free or cheap - if you search something for a week or two and save the cheap items eventually they’ll appear for free or less and less. You just gotta be quick to ask and pick up. I picked up a stand alone pantry cabinet yesterday for free so now I have more storage space for non-perishables. Also if you just always keep free and “curb alert” as a regular search item you’ll find good stuff. I’ve picked up some things that I know have value near me - like fish tanks with stands only to resell them later at market value which is higher because I’m in a city/suburban outskirts - I only deal in cash on Facebook because they wanna start tracking and people can’t rescind a $20 electronically.

There are food shelves that don’t require minimums. There’s also no shame in seeing if you can get assistance from the government. If you can boost yourself to live better, do it.

The dollar tree (and some other dollar stores) - while most food at the dollar tree isn’t a good deal - I’ve also found shelf stable tofu, pesto, mustard (1.25 vs $5 for pesto). I also have pets - my cats get their toys on a stick with the dangly strings from the dollar tree. I get all of my cleaning products at the dollar tree. You can also make your own - one super simple one is lemon juice (from bottle), white vinegar, and water.

I shop at specific places for specific items. I get carbon litter box filters at my hardware store because they’re a dollar there instead of $5-7 elsewhere.

I order my groceries online - it’s convenient but it also eliminates a lot of impulse shopping. I pay $10/month for it, but I save more than $10 in not impulse buying.

I mostly avoid target - target has done research on how to get you to buy more - it works. So I avoid it. Not that other stores don’t do similarly, but I know that I will fail myself at target - sort of a figure out your vices.

I shop at discount grocery stores. I got to Asian grocery stores for tea because I get way more tea for way less. I go to Aldi for most of my vegetarian foods and also their chicken. Most of their stuff is a fair bit cheaper and I’ve figured out which off brand or Aldi brand stuff I like.

I work in a super fancy office - think of a building with literal halls with marble tile. I get 99% of my clothes from thrift stores. I’m picky - I try to buy only things that I feel good in (not I feel okay, but I feel good) and I have a hard time pushing myself over $10 for almost anything. I dress with a classic style because then I don’t have to chase trends. I mostly just wear black pants and a shirt that looks business casual.

Garage sale - I spent a Saturday driving around the town I grew up in going to garage sales. Saturdays are usually the last day sales are open - they want stuff gone as the reality sets in that whatever isn’t sold is being donated. I filled a paper grocery bag full of clothing for my spouse and paid $1. I’ve hit sales where the person just wanted to be done and said just take everything you want, free. I haggle. I ask if they’d do a deal for a bunch of stuff if it’s a good sale. If there’s something I’m looking for or need - I know the value of the item before I go shopping and I know the value of it to me. I wanted a giant bean bag chair. I valued that at a maximum of $20. The going Facebook marketplace was $50-150. I held out and got one for $7 at a thrift store.

Sign up for VIP stuff at thrift stores and reward programs (assuming it’s free). Don’t buy most holiday decor new - thrift stores can barely sell a christmas tree.

Home Depot and many hardware stores offer free how-to classes - you want to learn how to lay tile? Sign up for a class. Learn to diy what you’re comfortable doing. Some labor and know how is worth paying for. Example: I will not lay tile because I can live with a crooked tile if someone else did it. I can’t if I did it. For my sanity, I would pay for that. Minding - I need that done currently and can’t afford it so it’s just not on the reality list.

Grow some of your own food if you can. Grow lights can be cheap and seeds are cheap. Sometimes you can split a pack with a friend. You can also get free pots and gardening materials online easily. Maybe not the seeds tho. If you hate gardening then don’t bother. What you want matters too.

When you buy stuff - make sure you love it when you can. Stuff you love, you will keep and use. Stuff you feel so-so about might end up being donated next year.

Utilize libraries! They have e-books also and there are so many free apps you can download to read them on. If I’m only gonna read a book once, then I shouldn’t own it. Reality is - I don’t reread that many books. Too many more books to read.

If you’re into cold brew coffee - dark roast Walmart makes just as good as a fancy brand that costs more. Try off brand stuff - it’s often way better or exactly the same. Walmart chips ahoy offbrand is better than chips ahoy. ALDIs version of coconut caramel Girl Scout chocolate cookies taste the same as Girl Scout ones but cost under $2.

Find hobbies that don’t cost you money or cost you very little money. Aquarium fish are not that hobby as I’ve learned the hard way. But I have a beautiful dr who tank so at least there’s that. I volunteered for a while with shelter cats - the ones that are in pet stores. I got kitty snuggles and got to put it on my resume. Can’t afford a pet but want one? Foster - the shelter pays for everything. One of my new hobbies is literally finding free things on Facebook marketplace. It’s great.

If you’re on meds and insurance isn’t covering everything - check out goodrx. Also - check different pharmacies and keep checking. CVS wanted $300 for 1 month of my depression meds. I walked away w/o meds. I went to Costco a week later (no membership needed for specifically their pharmacy) and got those same meds for maybe $10 without insurance.

YouTube can also teach you neat skills. Tumblr can too - I got really into tiny homes - still love them but I can’t ethically keep a Great Dane mix and all my cats in a tiny space - a big part of tiny homes is making sure you have what you need but you have it smart. I gleaned a lot from that obsession. How to have a full wardrobe w 30 pieces of clothing but still variety? It showed it. Most tiny home people are about financial freedom - a lot of them perhaps don’t have a financial background, but it’s about gathering info that works for you.

If you have kids - I do not - but I have a niece. So much free stuff from other people. I think I gave my sister in law about the first years worth of clothing for her kid and it mostly cost me some laundry soap and time with marketplace and stopping for bags of free kids clothes on the side of the road (that I then picked through, washed, and donated the iffy ones). I even got a bouncer thingy that I took apart and cleaned and gave her. Plus a stroller for my mother in law - one of those $300 ones that someone just wanted gone at no cost.

I’ve got home owner savings tricks too if you need them - but let’s be honest, few of us can afford homes. I have one in a super sketchy area that has shot spotter tech to help police respond faster to gunfire. But honestly just lucked out and fell into the job I have now.

Buy quality when you can - I got clearance Clark’s brand shoes for my job - I think they cost me $40? They’ve lasted years. I got thrift store shoes and they are falling apart in less than a year. Those same thrift store shoes during the 5 years that I’ve had my clearance Clark’s would have cost more to replace that 5x over.

Make sure you’re taking care of yourself - eat enough, sleep enough. Your health will affect how you work and live - you matter. I do premier protein shakes in the morning so I get enough protein and also account for my inability to wake up with enough time to make food. I try to bring my lunch to work. Peanut butter sandwiches are a big go-to for me. I’m rather sick of them, but for now, it helps me to save a bit and prioritize things that are more important to me.

I’m trying to think of other stuff. I mean maybe you’re already doing a big load of this or have even cut some of these expenses out. I’ve got more pet saving tricks - pets are something in life that bring me so much joy and happiness so I have them and I try to be responsible and smart with spending on them - but maybe you don’t have pets or don’t want them. I love video games so I have a few systems - mainly PC. I wait for sales for games. I still buy things that are discretionary. I buy “what I want” when I can but I try to make sure it really is something that I want. I wait for game reviews to come out.

I try to find easy recipes online with a focus on budget friendly and quick to make. Preferably with leftovers to avoid a peanut butter sandwich for a day or two. I’m in a Facebook group called “what broke vegans eat.” I go to a butcher to get ground beef because it costs the same but has less gristle and they can give me tips on making different things. Plus I can occasionally splurge on something simple - they have the best in house take home and bake lasagna which last me at least 4-5 days between my spouse and I.

What field are you job-wise? What field or kind of work would you want to be in if you could choose? What kind of hours would you prefer to work? Education level? Are you in the US? Might have some tips around that too. Is there an area you want advice on - like X costs so much, what tips do you have for cost savings with that, etc.

So happy to help. Sorry for the novel.

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owlcoholik · 3 years ago

Photo

an impressive number of horse butt job tattoos. many creatures

https://www.deviantart.com/owlcoholik/gallery/58899423/adoptables

#it’s genuinely hard for me to keep track of which designs I’ve posted and which i haven’t #commissions #Character Design #adoptables #ship grid #mlp nextgen

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aenaxes · 3 years ago

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OMG ok for the 200 follower celebration (based on your smoking post) PLZZZ write sharing a spice blunt with cross or any batcher of your choosing I would simply die 😩💅🏻❤️

vapor trails

[crosshair & hunter x f!reader] you don't really run with the fett twins' crowd, but you find yourself at one of their parties anyway (in reference to this post lol)

warnings: college!au, recreational drug use, suggestive themes, but consent is sexy & mandatory & sober babes

w/c: 3.8k

a/n: anon, you ask for one batcher, but why not two? thank you for enabling me nonnie & @mallr4ts lol (im so sorry to all the previous requests for the event, this one has just been needling in my brain all day and i had to get it out hsdfs)

event details here! requests are open until july 4th!

You don’t know much about the Fett twins.

They’re something like campus legends even though they’re only a year your senior and at the tail end of their fourth years. But as much as you’ve heard their names slung around in weekend plans and excited chatter, you’ve never once met them, much less seen them yourself. Between idling class whispers and dining hall conversations, all you can piece together from the rumors is that: one, they’re from a big family (you’ve heard anywhere from two to twelve other brothers, yikes); and two, as much as they work hard (because the venture capital and pre-professorial tracks seem rigorous enough), they play even harder.

It helps that they apparently own one of the biggest apartments off campus, one in which you find yourself hopelessly and miserably lost. And overdressed.

Great.

It hadn’t occurred to you that your roommate, who is nowhere to be seen, had been dressing up for her girlfriend, and that most people who had half a mind would wear something comfortable that could withstand a few spilled drinks and ash. So seeing the rest of the room in rumpled tees and sweats has you and your little black dress seeking out the nearest wall as you fiddle with your questionably sweet cup of margarita mixer.

You feel like a first year, and it sucks.

But for once, with everyone too busy mingling amongst themselves over the heavy thrum of some mumble rap beat, you manage to slip by unnoticed.

Every now and then, you dart your eyes around the ever shifting landscape of faces in the dim room, looking for even the vaguest familiarity that might let you feign being tipsy and join a group for the night. But every time you try, there’s no luck.

Fuck, you haven’t even seen anyone here before.

But there might be a god watching out for you yet when the crowd shifts just enough that you catch sight of the couch, and on it, someone you suspect to be one of the twins as he greets a few girls with a disinterested nod.

Emboldened, but mostly nervous that in the crowd of bodies and red solo cups you’re still helplessly alone, you push off the wall and squeeze past huddled cliques of conversation to make for the dark couch.

By the platinum bleached hair and big-name consulting group quarter zip, Crosshair—at least you think it’s him—lounges over the couch. He isn’t the only body on the suede seats, but he keeps to himself, his head dipped low as he works one hand over a small metal canister in his other palm.

If you weren’t having luck with the other nameless faces around you, maybe the Fett twin would keep you company—at least until your roommate came back to find you (if she did). And worst case, you’d just slink back to your dorm and mope until your roommate apologized to you with your favorite overpriced smoothie bowl the day after.

Mustering every ounce of courage you have, you plant your feet by the couch and finally speak.

"Is your name actually Crosshair?" you ask.

The man on the couch pauses, his motions stilling over the small metal cylinder in his palms, and he lifts his chin just enough to flick his eyes up towards the sound of your voice.

You always thought the girls in your droning 9AM gen-ed were wildly exaggerating his hype for their own devices, squealing over his (apparently) brooding charm and sharp looks to nip at his stash for free. But for all the vague haze surrounding your perception of the twins, you never thought that they were telling the truth.

If you had been in broad daylight under the incandescent glow of your creaky lecture hall lights, you might have called him cocky, almost haughty, how he meets you with an unreadable look for having interrupted him. But in the purple LEDs and heavy haze of vape juice and shitty tequila, he’s captivating, all dark eyes and perfectly lit skin, marked only by the needle-thin design tattooed over the right side of his face and a worn wooden toothpick bitten between his teeth.

You swallow down the dry lump in your throat when you catch him flick his eyes from your face, down the short length of your dress, and back up again.

"Smoke with me; maybe you'll find out," he drawls, toothpick bobbing as he speaks. He twists the cylinder once and offers you a wry smirk. And when you stay, speechless but there all the same, Crosshair scoots to the side and pats the narrow space between him and the couch arm, inviting you close.

"I've never smoked before," you admit a bit shyly as you drop down beside him. Your dress hikes up your thigh, and you shiver when your skin presses up against the soft denim of his jeans.

"Not even cigs?"

You shake your head. And you tell yourself that when he leans close and brushes his shoulder up against your arm, that he’s only doing it because someone’s boosted the bass, and you can’t hear him over the reverb.

"Well, good thing I'm here, yeah?"

He gives the metal canister a final twist and sets it down on the coffee table before you. Swapping the canister for a small brown sleeve, you watch in a daze as he pulls a semi-transparent leaflet from the folder and tears a strip of cardstock straight from its flap. He has pianist fingers, you think wistfully, neatly kept nails and slender grace, and you wonder if he’ll entertain you if you ask to compare your hand to his.

“What’s your name?”

You scrabble back to the present at the sound of his voice. “Uh, y/n,” you offer.

“Well, y/n,” he says with a soft laugh, having caught on to your daydreaming. “Step one, you fold your filter.”

You nod along absently as Crosshair artfully crimps the thick paper into a neat roll. As if there isn’t thirty-some odd people crammed into his apartment, he quietly takes you step by step, offering you the filter, the paper, then the contents of the canister (a grinder, he explains) like it’s a game of show and tell. But with every piece he places into your hands, you gravitate closer, closer, until you’re flush against his arm and practically hanging over his side to watch as he gently taps a line of bud over the paper.

“Here, let me give you a better look,” Crosshair says.

You expect him to bring the neat line of bud to you, but when nothing comes, you look up and find him waiting for you, one arm open in invitation as the other pats once on the dark denim of his thigh.

“Uh—”

“Sit,” he says as if you haven’t just met him fifteen minutes ago. “Front row seats if you want ‘em.”

On one hand, you barely know Crosshair outside of the rumors you hear on campus. On the other hand, he’s a genuinely pleasant person, careful to accommodate for your boundaries and offering a snide playfulness that’s banished your nerves from earlier in the night.

He’s also really fucking hot.

“Okay,” you murmur, and you let him wrap his arm around your waist and tug you onto his lap. And he’s right. Perched over his thighs, you see with perfect clarity (and without the strain in your neck) as he gently folds the paper over the mound of bud and carefully twists. It’s the prettiest joint you’ve ever seen—though it might be because it’s the only one you’ve seen.

"Final touch," Crosshair's voice rumbles over your back, shooting straight into your core as he lifts the paper's vellum edge to your lips. “Lick it for me.”

Since you sat down with him, you’ve only been the passenger, nodding along as Crosshair’s long, nimble fingers creased over filter paper and patiently pointed out things like the stray pistils in his baggie and the keef gathered at the bottom of his grinder for if you really want to get fucked up. And even though you aren’t doing much (because licking paper doesn’t really seem too crazy), it’s a step forward from the comfortable rhythm that had settled between you, and you twist around in his lap to shoot him an uncertain glance.

“Just,” Crosshair flicks his tongue over his lower lip, flashing a brief glimpse of a ball piercing towards your wide eyes. And if you weren’t so flustered, you might have recognized the coy playfulness in his gaze. “Give it a lick, right over the edge.”

“I—uh, what if I—” you stammer.

“You’re not gonna mess this up, darling,” Crosshair chuckles. If his hand squeezing brief over your waist wasn’t enough to bring heat searing over the tops of your ears, his next words, crooned low and breathy into your ear, certainly do. “You’re a smart girl. You can do it.”

"My brother giving you trouble?"

Another voice cuts through the din of the party, sparing you your stammering nerves as you whip your head up in its general direction. You’re greeted with the sight of his brother, peering down on you as he takes a sip from his cup.

“You’re such a killjoy,” Crosshair mutters, drawing his arm tighter around your waist as he jabs the half-rolled joint to where Hunter sprawls down onto the couch beside him. “No, I’m not being a creep. I’m teaching our pretty underclassman here how to roll.”

Oh.

Heat rushes over your cheeks, and you can’t decide whether you want to shrink into yourself or bask in it and beg for more.

He called you pretty.

“With her in your lap,” Hunter snorts into his cup.

“It was your idea to invite your entire fucking rugby team. Where else would we do it?”

“I’m so sorry he’s like this,” Hunter laughs, tilting his head and looking up at you through his (unfairly) long lashes. Where you thought Crosshair’s tattoo was bold, Hunter’s practically blows him out of the water, a well-worn swath of ink on the left half of his face, curving into neatly stylized teeth right at the edge of his lips. “I’m Hunter.”

Huh, maybe you do have a thing for tattoos.

“Y/n,” you squeak. “It’s, um—it’s nice to meet you.”

“Pleasure’s all mine, sweetheart,” he says as he offers you an easy smile. “Has my baby brother been treating you right?”

“God, two fucking minutes,” Crosshair snaps. You hear the embarrassment seeping from the vitriol, and it strikes you like a shot to the head that he’s trying to play cool in front of you. “I come out two minutes after you and—”

“We’re fraternal, and I got all the oxygen in the womb. Explains why he has awful people skills,” Hunter fake-whispers loud enough for Crosshair to hear, and you giggle as the other man groans from behind you.

“No, he’s been really nice,” you say softly once you realize that you’ve been laughing a little too loud. “He’s teaching me about weed.” It sounds juvenile when you say it, awkward and clumsy on your tongue. It’s a dead giveaway that has Hunter’s smile mellowing into something soft.

“Your first time?”

“Mhm.”

“Well, Cross here’s high as shit at least four hours every day. Says it helps him do the math. I hate to say it, but you’re in good hands.”

“You try running a nonlinear regression sober,” Crosshair snorts. “Anyways, we were just finishing up this joint before you decided to kill the vibe.”

Crosshair lifts the half-rolled joint back up to your chin, and this time, he leans forward and presses his chest close against your back as the playful snark leaves his tone, in its wake, something patient and calm as his voice rumbles by your ear.

“You gonna help me finish the job, sweet girl?”

You surprise yourself when the initial trepidation vanishes as you tip your chin down and stick out your tongue. Maybe you’re showboating now that you have an audience, feeling Hunter’s dark eyes on your lips when you touch the tip of your tongue out over the edge.

Whether it’s your lip gloss or the fine crumbs of bud stuck to the roll paper that fills your mouth with something earthy and sweet, you can’t say. All you know is they’re both following you with that intense intent, the bass and blend of voices faded out around you; just you in Crosshair’s lap and Hunter pretending to care about the drink in his hand as you lift your tongue off the far corner of the paper and close your lips.

“Good job,” Hunter muses, and you’re pretty certain he’s not talking about the joint when you feel his gaze boring into you alone.

The smell of smoke pulls you out of Hunter’s gravity, and you look back in front of you to see Crosshair snap a scuffed metal lighter shut and toss it onto the coffee table. He brings the joint back down in front of you, blowing a neat stream of whitish gray smoke past your ear.

“You know how to pull?” Crosshair asks, and his chin brushes over your bare shoulder as he speaks. He’s so close. You can smell the burn, acrid and sour, but it doesn’t matter that it doesn’t smell like some bubblegum vape when you feel his breaths curling over your skin. You just want more.

Mutely, you shake your head.

“Mm, you know how to shotgun?” Hunter offers, and you hear Crosshair huff laugher from behind you. “Might be easier for your first try.”

You shake your head again.

“It’s,” Hunter pauses, and his brows knit close as he thinks for a moment. “It’s kind of like a kiss. But not really. I take a hit and you catch my smoke. That sound okay?”

You don’t think it matters that someone’s hit shuffle on the playlist, filling the room with a hard electronic beat that might have otherwise drowned out all sound. All you hear is your heart pounding in your ears as you nod and watch Hunter lift the filter to his lips and inhale deep, then pass the joint back to Crosshair.

“C’mere,” he murmurs, white trails of smoke curling over his upper lip as he lifts one hand to cup over the base of your neck.

“Open,” Crosshair whispers.

Wordlessly, you obey. Your lips part just as Hunter pulls close, so close you feel the heat of his skin spreading warm over your cheeks, and blows a soft stream of bitter smoke into your mouth. It can’t be more than a few seconds, but all the while, you can’t seem to tear your eyes from his.

“Breathe in, deep,” you hear Crosshair instruct as he begins to rub one thumb over the curve of your hip.

The smoke is thick, sluicing down your throat and filling your lungs like nothing you’ve ever felt before. It’s not bad, just new, and pressed between the twins over the couch, you think it just might have been worth being ditched by your roommate earlier in the night. But your lungs ache, and you slowly exhale, watching as your vision fogs with a loose cloud of smoke until your chest feels clear again.

“And you didn’t even cough,” Hunter smiles. His calloused fingertips follow the slope of your neck, lingering one moment more before he pulls away. And you aren’t sure if the low buzzing in your fingertips is the weed or their combined warmth as Hunter rubs over your knee and Crosshair leans his head against your neck. “Good girl.”

“Wanna do it again,” you whisper as the buzz begins to crawl up your neck, fizzling around your temples as you lean your cheek over where Crosshair nuzzles into your shoulder.

“With him or me?” Crosshair murmurs, his lips brushing over your skin.

“You,” you say dreamily, and Hunter laughs, a sound that suddenly seems so far away as you tip your head and press close against Crosshair’s silver hair.

Crosshair leans into your touch, pressing his cheek up against your neck one last time before he’s lifting his head and bringing the joint to his lips. You hear the hiss of his inhale, smoke curling up through the narrow body of the joint as the charred end glows warm beside you.

And instead of Hunter’s approach, level with you, Crosshair looms above you, meeting your wide eyes with something of a fond smile. Dragging his hand up your chest, he follows the line of your neck and holds snug over your chin. He squeezes softly, and your jaw falls slack, lips parted in a soft ‘o’ as he dips low. He's closer than Hunter as you feel his mouth just brush over yours and breathe smoke over your tongue.

This time, it’s easier.

You swallow down the smoke and hold, just a beat longer than before. But both Crosshair and Hunter notice as your lips stay parted, and they share a soft laugh that has you exhaling smoke and pride all at once when you finally relax your diaphragm and breathe out.

“Fast learner,” Crosshair muses, nosing up under your jaw as you sink back against his chest.

You mumble incoherently, chasing his touch as the high creeps heavy and warm from your chest to your collar and settles at the back of your throat. It anchors you, molding you up against Crosshair who feels nothing short of perfect as he circles his arms loose over your waist.

You turn your head to thank Hunter when you distantly register him pressing a cool cup into your hand (water, you think you hear him say), but the words slip back down into your throat, your eyelids suddenly unbearably heavy and coarse over your blurry vision.

“You wanna lay down?” Hunter offers, and his voice comes to you like you’re underwater, warped and bubbling past the din of the party around you.

You're pretty sure you nod.

For a few moments, you catch traces of an unintelligible exchange between the twins, only aware of the rumble of Crosshair’s voice at your back, and then you’re being lifted up off the couch, the music and raucous laughter fading behind you.

A door opens, squeaking half-shut, and you wince as a light clicks on beside you. Whoever was carrying you sets you down on something soft and cool, and you sway as the light dims and you settle into your seat.

You’re on a bed, you think.

Crosshair’s, judging by the shock of light hair that you can make out through your lashes. He helps you into a worn tee that reaches past the short hem of your dress, and you wiggle into it with a soft whine, holding it tight.

But where you expect a familiar weight to dip down next to you and pull you close, your eyes fly open when you see his figure turn away from you and towards the neon lights of the party outside.

“You aren’t staying?” It's the most coherent you've been through your first high.

“Not tonight,” Crosshair says softly. He turns back towards you and reaches up to fix the strap of your dress as you sit on his bed. “Baby’s first tokes got you all dopey. Right now, what you need is this,” and he presses a plastic bottle of vitamin water he’s seemingly produced out of nowhere into your palm. “This,” he adds, pressing your phone into your other hand. “And a good night’s sleep.”

“And what if I say I need you, too?” you pout.

Some part of you—the conscious part locked away in the back of your skull—bangs up against the hazy high at the crown of your head because when you’re good and sober and when Crosshair inevitably turns you down, you won’t be able to look at yourself in the mirror for the next semester.

But he breaks into a smile that crinkles at the corners of his eyes before he leans down to press his lips to your forehead. It’s just a split-second of warm, chapstick-soft lips on your skin, but it floods you with an indescribable good from the top of your head all the way down to your toes.

And as high as you are right now, you have a hell of a hunch that the flutter in your chest is going to stay, even when the room stops wobbling around you.

“When you’re all sobered up in the morning, we’ll make you breakfast, and we’ll figure it out from there,” Crosshair says after he’s pulled back, reaching up to smooth his palm over your hair. “Sound like a plan?”

You nod, probably with a little too much enthusiasm, but you’re rewarded with another low chuckle that’s practically music to your ears. His hand gentle and firm over your shoulder, Crosshair guides you down onto the bed and pulls the covers up to your chin.

“Now text your roomie so she doesn’t call the cops on us, get some sleep, and drink all of that, okay?”

“Okay,” you respond.

“Good girl.”

And when the lights click out, you curl into Crosshair’s pillow, breathing in cold, fresh notes of his cologne, and then you’re asleep.

You climb out of bed the next morning, your minidress rumpled under a long shirt. It's not like a hangover, no, you just find yourself a bit lightheaded and throat parched, and the disorientation makes your head spin as you’re greeted with the smell of fresh coffee and something savory—

Your roommate doesn’t wake up earlier than you, and she can’t cook for shit. And why were your sheets grey? Whose shirt were you—

Oh.

Fuck.

You practically burst out of Crosshair’s bedroom, and you’re not sure what you expected, but somehow you hadn’t expected to see Hunter sipping mildly on a mug of coffee while Crosshair pushes something around in a pan over their kitchen range.

“Mornin,’” Hunter offers you a small wave, and reaches for a third mug on the countertop. “Wasn’t sure how you liked your coffee so we just made it black.”

“What happened last night?” you gasp. If you weren’t so panicked, you’re certain the sight of them sporting nothing but grey sweats would have been your only concern, but you’ve just woken up with foggy memories and the slimy dread of anxiety that follows a blackout night.

“Easy, easy,” Crosshair assures you as he steps away from the stovetop. “Nothing happened after we smoked. You took, like, two hits, and you were so hazy you couldn’t remember your dorm number, so we put you to bed, and I slept out in the living room. Fetts are wild but we’re not scumbags, promise.”

And judging from the throw blanket sliding off the edge of the couch cushions, you’re fairly certain you can believe him. Relief floods your chest.

“Oh thank God,” you sigh, and your shoulders sag as the weight of panic sloughs off your back.

They both laugh softly, the sudden tension lifting from the bright morning light, and you can’t help but join in. And when that rosy relief gives way to silence again, it’s Crosshair who speaks next.

“So, you staying for breakfast?”

“Can I borrow some actual clothes first?”

“Done deal.”

#fun fact: my signature party trick is flirting with a guy and then stealing his blunt ✌️😗#thinking about how schlorbe n i agreed crosshair listens to souncloud mumble rap :/#its ok i kiss him anyways #hc that crosshair’s an econ/finance bro and hunter’s a history major hehe #sequel series: crosshair goes venture capital (gross)#tech's probably at like the space equivalent of mit or something #and i will Die on the hill that wrecker's super smart with kinesiology #crosshair x reader #hunter x reader #sergeant hunter x reader #the bad batch x reader #anon #yaej.writes

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lilysdaydreams · 4 years ago

Text

The Artist and The Musician

→ I do not claim to know corpse- therefore please don’t think that this is what he would actually act like, or that any details about his life are actually true. this is fiction.

→ Pairing: Corpse Husband X Fem!Reader

→ Genre: Fluff.

→ Words: 5.6k

→ Request: Hey! It’s me again lmao I was curious maybe like sykunno or raes little sister (like 2 or 3 years younger) meets the group and her and corpse just click. How would either of them react to them hearing the news that their little sis is dating corpse and like they’ve moved in together and everything idk I thought it’d be cute💛

→ Warnings: Swearing.

→ Authors Note: Its been a hard couple of weeks and im really sorry that this took so long to be done but depression rlly hit me and I could barely move myself. I hope you enjoy this, and if you do, please comment some words of encouragement or feedback 💛

→ if you have some spare change , consider buying me a coffee.

You sighed as you finally dropped the last box in your new room, stretching to get rid of the pains in your back. Grabbing your phone, you moved over to Sykkunos room, knocking before sticking your head in.

"You want subway?" you asked when he looked up from the computer. He nodded with a quick smile, and as you closed the door behind you, you could hear him talking to the stream, letting them know that it was just his sister. Quickly ordering on Ubereats, you slumped on the sofa, closing your eyes and resting for a bit.

You had decided to move in with Sykkuno a month ago, the same week you'd decided to drop out of college. It wasn't something your parents were happy with, but after seeing how big your art and business had gotten, they had let you drop out. You'd dropped out and moved to LA, moving into an apartment with Sykkuno since he had to leave the OTV house. Sykkuno had moved in a week earlier which was why his room and computer was all set up. You'd only moved in today, spending a few weeks at home with your parents before leaving for LA. Stretching, you grabbed your phone, checking how long it would be until the food came, and then clicking on Instagram. Your most recent post was of this morning, a photo of you sitting on top of half the boxes in your room, throwing a peace sign at the camera. Sykkuno had taken it for you, the whole process taking 10 minutes cuz you made him take it at 45 different angles. Scrolling through the comments, you liked a few, replying to the ones by your best friends.

@selinaissss: "HOW DARE YOU LOOK THIS PERFECT AT 8 IN THE MORNING????"

→ @junefarie: i look like a racoon dont u dare

@onlyalyssa: "we need a house tour"

→ @junefarie: bitch I dont even have a bed yet

You grabbed the subway order when the bell rang, saying a quick thank you to the delivery man. You left yours on the table, and went to Sykkunos room, yelling "Sykkuno catch!" before throwing it at him, giggling as he leapt forward from his chair to catch it. Closing the door softly behind you, you jumped onto the couch, sitting cross-legged, grabbing your sketchbook and pencils from your backpack and setting them on your lap. It was time to wind down a bit.

It was a week later and you had unpacked fully, now focusing more on creating new pieces of art for a shop update. You were also working on some designs specifically for shirts and hoodies. Sykkuno found you in front of your computer, blanket wrapped around you and glasses perched on your nose as you emailed the manufacturer you were working with for the hoodies.

"Un, y/n?" he said hesitantly knocking on the door. You spun around in your chair, raising your eyebrows at him. "What's up?"

He walked in, sitting down gingerly on the edge of the bed and you got your water from the table, taking a sip as you wait for him to talk.

"I um- You know how I- I play Among Us right?" he asked, scratching his neck.

You hummed in response, urging him on with a nod. Sykkuno was almost never this nervous around you. Most of the time, you guys talked normally, joking and teasing each other. For him to be stuttering around you, he must have been extremely nervous.

"Well, you know Rae right? She um, she asked me to make a lobby," he said, standing up and pacing now. You furrowed your brows, confused as to where this was going.

He was explaining what a lobby was (which what the fuck, you watched his streams, of course you knew what a lobby was, why was he explaining that) when you cut him off, getting up and grabbing his shoulders to stop him.

"Hey, what's wrong?" you asked, holding his shoulders with both your hands.

He sighed and slumped into you, his head coming to a rest on your shoulder.

"Rae asked me to make a lobby and it's the first time I've ever made one and I'm really nervous about it. I've already invited people, but um I was wondering if you wanted to join as well? I- It would help me to have you there." he muttered, the words muffled as he spoke into your shoulder.

"Me?" you asked, a little shocked because you had never played among us before.

He nodded against your shoulder.

"Um sure!" you said, wrapping your arms around his middle, "It'll be fun!"

"And hey," you added on when he didn't say anything after that, "I can meet all your friends as well!"

He finally lifted his head a little, smiling as he muttered out a quick "Thanks y/n."

"However," you added, jumping back onto your seat and wiggling your eyebrows at him. "You have to buy me pizza for tonight's dinner."

He chuckled, grabbing his phone and already mutterng the order to himself as he opened up the ubereats app and walked out of the room.

You turned back to the laptop humming a tune under your breath. From interactions like this, most people would probably assume that you were older but the truth was that Sykkuno was 5 years older than you. Your roles were reversed and you were probably more protective over him than anyone else. Once in high school a girl had called him cute and asked him for his number only to write it on the bathroom walls. After the first three prank calls, you'd taken the phone from him yelling at anyone who called that if they called again, that you'd personally track them down and shove a dildo up their ass.

Both of you had always been close, but with the amount of bullying and teasing he got in high school, you'd got even closer, eventually becoming his best friend in a way. Seeing Sykkuno grow as a person, get new friends who were genuinely nice and kind made you the happiest person alive. When Sykkuno had first started streaming you'd been worried, scared that people online would say something mean. When he had first started streaming with other streamers and then met Lily and all his other friends, you had been anxious, worrying that they might only be putting up a friendly facade. You were also the happiest though when he grew even closer to them, when he smiled more, laughed more, talked more.

You had yet to meet or talk to any of his friends, mostly because you'd been in college, and the pandemic had made it harder. Maybe it was finally time.

The day came and you sat in your room, once again a blanket wrapped around you, glasses perched on your nose as you accepted the discord invite Sykkuno sent you.

"DO I GO IN THE CHAT THINGY?" you yelled to Sykkuno, hearing a "YES" before clicking on the voice chat.

You mumbled a "hello", wondering if your mic was on.

"Hey, yeah I can hear you y/n."

Breathing a sigh of relief, you logged into the game, smiling as you heard sykkuno introduce you to his chat. "Hi everyone," you said, feeling a bit weird only talking to a screen. You rubbed your hands, a little nervous to be doing this.

Just then someone else joined and before you could even speak another three people joined as well, all of them yelling hello as they joined.

"He- Hey guys, how's everyone doing?" started sykkuno.

"Im doing great oh my god, guess what guys, I'm-" started Rae, cutting herself off. "wait, whos um "ms snores a lot"?

You were a bit confused for a second, furrowing you eyebrows for a second before realising what had happened.

"SYKKUNO YOU ASSHOLE WHAT THE FUCK?" you yelled, staring at the name underneath the voice channel that you now realised belonged to you. You could hear Sykkunos laughter from the other room but you just spluttered indignantly. He was the one who had set up everything on your computer yesterday because technology was something that you rarely messed around with.

"Sykkunooo" you whined, when he kept laughing, "How the fuck do I change it now?"

"Um wait, sykkuno who is this?" asked Rae, the other three echoing her. You glanced at the names and from the voices figured out that it was Rae, Toast, Sean and Corpse in the lobby.

"Hey okay, so guys this is my sister, her names y/n and we recently moved in together, so I asked her to be in the lobby because... um.." he said stuttering at the end to find a reason.

"Because he wanted to embarrass me apparently!" you exclaimed, giving him a way out.

"Oh god, um - you can change it in settings, at the bottom near where your name is."

"Ahhh," you said finding it and then simply typing in your art business name.

"Its nice to meet everyone by the way," you started. "I've been watching your videos for ages so it almost fels like I already know you"

Raes voice started in your ears and you winced at the volume befoe turning it down a bit.

"I would love to say that Sykkuno has told us a lot about you, but the truth is that he keeps a lot of secrets and I didnt even know he had a sister, I AM SO SHOCKED RIGHT NOW"

You gasped. "Sykkuno what the fuck, you didn't even tell Rae?"

"You told me not to tell a lot of people!" he protested.

You heard someone saying "they're so different!' but you ignored it and kept talking.

"Yeah at the start! and on stream! I can't believe you never even said you had a sister." you spluttered out, followed by another gasp.

"Are you embarrassed of me?" you whispered dramatically.

"N-What no of course not!" he exclaimed, and you could also imagine how wide his eyes would have gotten.

You giggled before telling him that you were only joking.

"Um since sykkuno is embarrassed of me," you said jokingly, "I'll just tell you myself."

"I'm like five years younger than sykkuno, I'm a June baby, I do art, my star sign is cancer, I'm 5'4, I recently moved in with sykkuno, and my favourite colour is purple!"

"Oh is that why your username is junefarie? Because you were born in June?" asked Sean.

Before you could say yes, someone else cut in.

"Wait, junefarie?" asked corpse, "like the artist?"

Your eyes widened as you realised that he knew you. Sure you had quite a few followers, but you never expected any of Sykkunos friends to know you from there.

"Um yeah," you said letting out a shocked laugh, "I didnt expect anyone here to know about me."

"Dude, your art is fire!" he exclaimed, voice louder now. "I was honestly thinking of buying a piece soon, I've followed you for ages!"

"Wait, I wanna see as well." whined Rae, "Ima look you up, are you on Instagram?"

"Um," you said still shocked by the fact that somone this big knew you. "yeah I'm on instagram, its just junefarie." you said first replying to Rae, "Um corpse, thankyou so much! thats so nice of yo!"

"Um my art isn't that great yet," you chuckled, embarrassed by all the attention now. "I'm hoping to improve a lot more and I have a bunch of ideas for it as well. I'm hoping to work more now that I moved in with Sy."

"Oh my god, this is amazing," whispered Rae, Toast and Sean echoing her. You ducked your head even though no one could see you. Your cheeks were blazing hot and you pressed your hands to them to cool yourself down.

"Thankyou," you mumbled, not sure what to say.

Someone else entered the lobby, and said "hi" and you welcomed the source of distraction.

"Hi! I'm Sykkunos sister, y/n!" you said , wanting to move away from the topic of your art.

The reply of "sykkuno has a SISTER?" made everyone laugh, successfully moving the attention to Sykkuno and off your art. Finally Sykkuno started the game and you breathed as you lost yourself in the art of gaming.

"OH MY GOD!" yelled Rae as the game ended and everyone appeared in the lobby. "That was like amazing, Y/N I cant belive you pulled that off!"

She was talking about the last game where there was 50/50 between corpse and Sykkuno (because you refused to kill sykkuno when you were imposter) and you somehow managed to convince Sykkuno that it was Corpse.

"Honestly, neither can I!" you exclaimed back staring at your screen, eyes blurring the screen because of how tired you were.

"I can't believe Sykkuno," mumbled corpse. "I literally said I saw her vent and kill toast and Sykkuno was still like "hmmm, I don't think so."

Giggling at Sykkunos yell of "SHES MY SISTER" you yelled out a bye as everyone started leaving and then struggled to find a way to end the call.

"Wait, how do I end it," you muttered to yourself.

You jumped as Corpse talked, not expecting anyone to be there.

"You can see yoru name at the bottom left right? Its above that but a little to the right." he said chucling a little.

"Oh." you said, you cheeks heating up. You didnt know if it was because of him or because you were utterly useless with technology.

"Um thankyou," you said awkwardly.

"No problem."

You exited out of the call, a small smile at your lips.

Sykkunos friends were nice.

After the stream, your fanbase grew, and with it, the number of orders as well. For the next week, you were buried under orders, only leaving the house to go to the post office.

An Instagram post on @junefarie account:

[ID: A photo of y/n and sykkuno standing in the middle of the living room, packages scattered everywhere. Y/n is hugging Sykkuno tight and Sykkuno is staring at the camera, a distressed look on his face.]

Caption: Thankyou so much for all my supporters and all the love shown to me. Sending out loads of orders and I cant wait for you gusy to get yours! Special thanks to @sykkuno for helping me send out orders. luv yu.

Comments:

@Sykisacutie: best sibling duo!

@valkyrae: hope my order is in their as well.

→ I SCREAMED WHEN SY TOLD ME THAT WAS YOUR NAME.

@corpse_husband: sykkuno looks like he's accepted death.

→ @sykkuno: I would have welcomed death at that point

→ @corpse_husband @sykkuno: okay ill be honest, I would have welcomed death as well.

@ariesin: go best friend, go! we need to get together to paint soon !!

→ SOONNNNNN

You flopped onto your bed, every part of your body hurting. Carrying boxes filled with orders down the stairs had tired your whole body, which wasn't used to any exercise at all. That had taken practically the whole day and then you had to clean your room because the mess from the orders had barely left any room to move. You flung your hand to the side, grabbing your phone from the table and bringing it up to your face. The "1:02" was clearly visible on your screen and you unlocked the phone, heading to Twitter. Scrolling through your feed, you liked a few tweets from friends before gearing yourself up and moving to the messages. Ever since you'd played with Corpse, Sykkuno and everyone, you'd been getting a lot of messages. Most of them were just the streamers fans, asking you if you know them or telling you to take care of sykkuno. There were a few though that targeted you, telling you that your art sucked, that they didn't know why Corpse could like my art. You'd taken to deleting them before sleeping so that your inbox wouldn't get cluttered and you could still find any serious requests or messages from your followers. Therefore, you didn't really think anything of it when there was another message from someone with a Corpse icon and you clicked on it only to see the message and gasp, immediately sitting up in bed.

Corpse_Husband → Hey, I was wondering if I could work with you on something? I really love your art and was wanting to commission or collaborate for an album cover or some merch designs. Message me on this number cuz I barely see my dms.

Underneath was a number.

"Oh my god," you whispered, unsure as to what to do.

When you had decided to drop out of college, you had expected hard days. You had expected your normal orders and mostly just improving your art and marketing it more. You had expected long days and not much money in the bank account. You certainly had not expected the immense amount of orders you'd gotten. Along with that, the amount of love and support had taken you by surprise and you had spent the last night crying because of how much love you and your art were getting.

You had also not expected such a big opportunity just landing at your feet.

Quickly you clicked on the number, putting it in your contacts with the name Corpse and then writing a quick message.

"Hey I got your twitter dm! I've personally never done art for merch or album covers but I would love the opportunity!"

You bit your lip, confused as to whether that was enough before deciding it was fine and just sent it.

Your heart beat a little faster as you slumped back onto the bed.

@junefarie Instagram story:

[ID: A zoomed-in picture of a drawing, the only part that was visible was curly hair. The text read: "Working on something SO COOL"]

Your phone was ringing. Stuffing the rest of the pizza in your mouth, you swept your hand over the covers of your bed, trying to find it. With a muttered "aha", you grabbed it and swiped on the call before it ended. Pressing the phone to your ear, you mumbled a "hello", still chewing the pizza bite.

A low rapsy voice came out of the speaker, one that you definitely didn't expect. You choked on the pizza, coughing out pieces onto the bed. Sure you guys had messaged each other a bit (you kinda had to because of the commission), but you hadn't expected him to call out of nowhere.

"Um I hope this isn't a bad time," he said when you didn't respond for a second. Of course, he didn't exactly know that hearing his voice so close to your ear had you frozen for a second.

"Um no," you replied, coughing slightly to clear your throat. "It's fine! What did you wanna talk about?"

"Oh, um I know you're already working on the commission and its looking great! I can't wait to work with the merch team to create something really cool with it, but um-" he broke off for a second sounding hesitant. "I really wanna get another commission done as well."

"Oh?" you said after a second when he didn't reply. "I'd be happy to do another one for you!"

"Uh yeah, but I'm afraid that I might be a bit late, You see I was wondering if it could be done before Christmas?"

You sucked in a breath as you counted the days in your mind.

"Hmm, it depends on how big it is tbh. There's still 2 weeks to go till Christmas so I could fit it in," you mumbled, biting your lip as you remembered the onslaught of orders you still had to send out.

"Well," he started and you smiled a little as the excitement crept into his voice. "You know that Sykkuno, Rae, Toast and me are called the 4 Amigops right? I kinda wanted a portrait of all 4 of us, in our um among us colors, and I basically wanted to print it out and send to each of them for Christmas."

"Aww, that sounds like such a good idea, I'm sure they'll all love it!" you smiled, thinking about how much Sykkuno would appreciate that.

"Uh thanks," he mumbled, "do you think you can get it done?"

"Sure!" you replied immediately. You did have a lot of orders, yes, but like, you could fit Corpse in. If you pulled a few all-nighters. "I'll send you the sketches soon okay?"

"Oh thank god, thankyu so much for this y/n, I really appreciate it. Youre one of my favourite artists and I'm really happy that I could finally commisison you after so long."

"So long?" you questioned. "Since when have you known about my art?"

There was a moment of silence and then "Um, around the time you still posted your sketches and stuff I guess?"

You furrowed your eyebrows thinking for a second before letting out a gasp.

"Corpse that was 4 years ago!"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, oh my god, I cant believe you've seen those, I was so bad then!"

"No no, they were really good at that time as well! I was so shocked when Sykkuno told us you were his sister because like, I'd been following you for ages and I had absolutely no idea. You guys are like really different."

"Hah yah, Sykkunos so soft, and then there's me. An actual devil."

"Your usernames so different as well! I remember when I first saw a picture of you on your account and I was kind of shocked because based on the name junefarie, I was expecting someone very soft I guess but then you were literally the opposite and wearing actual devil horns."

"Oh god, that was one of the first few photos I posted of myself. that was on Halloween I think,", you took a deep breath still shocked that Corpse had known about you for that long,

"Yeah, I chose junefarie because...”

It was 2 hours later when Corpse said that he should probably be working on his music.

"Oh I'm so sorry," you apologized, "I didn't mean to keep you,"

"Oh no, I um, I liked talking to you."

Your breath caught for a moment and you smiled like a lunatic at your Pokémon covered bedsheets.

"I liked talking to you as well," you whispered out, heart sinking a little as you realized the call would be ending soon.

"Um, do you, maybe want to stay on call? like I'll just be writing and we can just chill?" he asked and you felt like your prayers had been answered.

"yes" you said quickly, not giving him a chance to back out.

He chuckled, and you fell in love a little.

Just a little.

You continued like that, calling each other every few days, talking so much and then at times, not talking at all, simply content with each others company.

He had even started facetiming you, the first time with a mask and then the second without it. You hadn't made a big deal about it, but the first time you saw him, you could barely breathe.

There were five days left until Christmas when you got the idea.

You were entirely not subtle about it, because, well to be honest, there wasn't a subtle bone in your body.

"Hey Corpse, do you like surprises?" you had asked, in the middle of colouring Raes hair (her hair was the last thing left before you could finally print the goddamn thing)

"It depends," he had murmured after a second, voice sending shivers down your spine like every time. Now whether that was because of his voice or because of him, you weren't entirely sure.

"on what?" you prodded when he refused to answer.

"On whether its a good one or a bad one" he had huffed out.

You had hummed, waited for a second and then blurted out that next question because you did not have a cent of patience.

"So what are you doing at Christmas?"

"Sleeping, if I can manage it," he replied, his voice taking on a sardonic tone, eyes flicking to you on the screen. The only thing he could see though was the top of your head because you had your iPad on the bed and were laying over it as you drew.

"Not with that attitude you aren't," you replied right back, making a small smile appear across his face.

"Hmmm, okay!" you said when he didn't reply.

He looked back over, eyebrows furrowed and mouth opening as he started to question you.

"Hey did you see the video I sent you?" you quickly asked distracting him from his question.

He would probably guess the surprise but that was okay. You only wanted to make a smile appear on his face. And honestly, for someone with anxiety, a small warning of a surprise was definitely needed.

It was Christmas day and you woke Sykkuno up at 6 in the morning with the promise that you'd buy him McDonald's. 30 minutes later, you were both in the car, yelling the lyrics to "All I want for Christmas" at the top of your lungs.

You had told sykkuno of your plan a few days ago and he had smiled at you with that stupid smile, agreeing with a small "alright."

You'd immediately realised that he knew. Even though you pretended otherwise, Sykkuno was the older one and the thing about older siblings was that they always knew.

They always knew.

So there you were, snacks loaded into your car, McDonald's fries practically everywhere, and a cake you had made in the backseat, on your way to Corpses house.

There was a lull in the music, and you were only 30 minutes away from his place, butterflies fluttering in your stomach when Sykkuno asked you a question.

"You like him right?" he murmured, head leaning against the window, eyes closed.

There was a moment of silence as you thought about what to say. Did you like Corpse? Of course, you liked Corpse! He was funny, he was nice, he made you feel like you were the only person that mattered and your heart beat faster than ever whenever he looked at you. Hell, that was through a screen, in real life, it would probably be even worse. So of course you liked him! The question was, did he like you back?

"Yeah," you answered Sykkuno, eyes straight on the road.

A second passed and then he smiled. "Good," he replied. and well. That was that. You sighed.

At least you had your brothers blessing.

Pulling into the apartment building, you breathed in, your heart beating a million times a second and the butterflies in your stomach had turned into snakes. Maybe, maybe this wasn't a good idea at all. I mean, you expected Corpse to get the hint but what if he didn't? and what if he didn't want you to come? Maybe you were being too quick. After all, It'd only been a month since you'd met.

These thoughts plagued your mind as you trudged up the stairs, turning to Sykkuno as you reached the door.

"Maybe we shouldn't have come," you whispered to him.

He looked at you, eyebrows high, "We just travelled two hours to get here. There's no way im going back without at least giving him the print."

"What if he doesn't want us to be here?" you hissed.

"Then we'll go away." he stated, "after we give him the print."

"But what if-"

Before you could even finish your sentence, the door opened and you both jumped, turning to face the person standing in the doorway.

You forced yourself to breathe as you finally saw him. It was him. Wearing a black beanie, half his hair spilling out the sides, stubble clear on his chin... it was him. At that moment, there was only one thought in your mind.

You were gonna marry this man.

"You suck at whispering," he said, and you huffed out a laugh, jumping onto him without even responding. You wrapped your arms around him, not letting go until Sykkuno cleared his throat from behind you.

You turned back immediately, grabbing the stuff in Sykkunos hands so he could greet Corpse too. As they awkwardly did their handshake/fistbump thing, you walked over to the couch behind them, putting down the print and the takeaway bags, and putting the cakebox down on the table.

You turned around to see them both standing there staring at you.

"Surprise?" you said when no one else spoke. That broke the ice a little and you grabbed the print from the couch thrusting it at Corpse.

"Open it. Open it. Open it." you mumbled, your heart beating fast as he carefully ripped the paper off. The smile that overtook his face made your heart immediately calm.

"It's beautiful," he whispered, eyes roaming everywhere, trying to take it all in. Clearing his throat, he nodded his head further into the apartment, mumbling that he was going to put it in the room, eyes still on the print as he walked there.

"You smile is gonna blind me," muttered Sykkuno.

"Oh shut up."

A few hours later, you stood in the kitchen, putting the leftover cake into Corpses fridge. You had all chilled, eating cake and the takeout that you and sykkuno had bought, laughing every few minutes. It felt like you were all on an adrenaline rush. You had facetimed Rae and Toast, Rae shrieking when she realised where you guys were. Sykkuno had just fallen into a nap, still tired from being wakened up so early, you assumed.

You leaned against the kitchen bench, smiling as Corpse walked in.

"Thankyou." he said as he came to a stop next to you, matching your position.

"For what?" you mused, even though you had a good enough idea.

"For the print. For coming here. For making my Christmas, a much happier affair than it has been my whole life." he stated, chuckling at the last point.

You turned your head sideways, and you didn't know what it was, but something about his face made you spurn into action. You grabbed his collar, pulled him down, and kissed him before he could even say anything. It would be too cliche to say that fireworks erupted. And if you were being honest they didn't. Instead, it felt like everything was finally right. You fit perfectly in his arms as they wrapped themselves around you, and you smiled into the kiss as he lifted you up, making you sit at the counter. You twirled the hair at the nape of his neck with your left hand, taking a deep breath in as you both slowed down and pulled away.

"Well," he whispered, "that was unexpected."

You raised a single eyebrow. Honesty you'd done a lot for this relationship. You just drove for nearly 3 hours! If he wanted it to progress, he was gonna have to say it himself.

"But not unwelcome," he continued when you didn't speak. A moment passed, where you could see that he was psyching himself up to say something. Finally, with a heaving sigh, he whispered "Darling, would you do me the honour of being called yours?"

You melted right there.

A nod was all he needed before he grabbed your lips with his again, both of you giggling when he accidentally hit the side of your mouth instead of the lips.

The sound of a picture being taken filled the air, making you spring apart and swing your heads over to the doorway, which had sykkuno leaning against it, his phone in his hand.

"Thank god. Rae and Toast bet that you wouldn't confess until after Christmas, so now they both owe me 20 bucks." he said, now fiddling on the phone. "Dont worry Corpse, I'll add a circle over your face or something."

Your mouth dropped open as you stared at your brother.

"You bet on my love life?" you scoffed, still shocked.

At his nod though, you swung off the bench, marching until you were eye to eye to him.

"I want half the winnings."

Rolling his eyes, he turned back to the living room, jumping onto the sofa.

"C'mon, let's watch one more episode before heading back," he said and you jumped in next to him, patting the space next to you as Corpse came in behind you.

You grabbed Sykkunos hand and squeezed it, letting him know that you were grateful that he didn't make it such a big deal. Leaning your head on corpses shoulder, you smiled to yourself.

You'd have to leave in 30 minutes, to drive back to your parents and spend the rest of Christmas with them, leaving Corpse behind. And that made you a bit sad sure, but it couldn't overpower the feeling of pure happiness at being here. At giving him a happier Christmas. You smiled as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

Nothing could overpower this feeling of absolute happiness.

fin.

Corpse husband taglist: @mythicalamphitrite @ramble-writes @atsumubabe @anxiouskat5646 @itssierramcquade @xaestheticalien @jotaroslightning @starstruckllamapuppy @gxldenskiez @shinyshimaagain @cavanana @fee-btheweeb (send an ask to be added!)

#corpse x reader #corpse husband x reader #corpse husband #corpse x y/n #corpse x you #corpse husband fanfiction #sykkunos sister #sykkuno fanfic #hope you enjoy #love yous

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0poole · 4 years ago

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I LOVE No Straight Roads

Honestly it’s hard to keep me away from a game with great visuals and even greater character design. I knew from the INSTANT I saw these characters that I was going to love it. I just finished it because it’s (unfortunately) pretty short, and even though I cheesed the final boss through it’s very lenient death mechanics (Instant respawn at the cost of a good rank) I actually appreciated that it wasn’t a pure cake walk. I’ve yet to rematch all of the bosses, but since I had genuine trouble with the later ones I’ll hold off on that.

But who cares about gameplay, am I right? I sure as hell don’t. I would’ve bought the game no matter what the hell it was. I wanted the characters (and the music, although I realized that second) and that was it.

First of all, I love any world that is super fantastical but cheesy in its concept, ala a city powered by music, and battles between artists using music. Ideas like this only spawn from a mind that wants to create a fun atmosphere, if nothing else, and it was sure as hell fun. I genuinely love when someone goes so far into a crazy idea and doesn’t waste your time explaining it with real world logic. Wanna know how a city can be powered by music? Shut up and look at the cute virtual mermaid. Lord knows I did. Every once in a while, it does you good to just let the player/reader/viewer just revel in the idea without having to go out of your way to make things seem realistic. It’s not about “turning your brain off” or whatever, it’s picking your battles.

Also, I can seriously love a world with great background characters to it. Any game with the right situation to insert the random nobodies you find onto the streets into the art in the credits really played into the greatness of the world’s less important characters, and that’s always a good thing. It’s technically world building. But, since I always love to pick favorites, I’d have to say my favorite background character is easily Mia, the NSR infodesk assistant. It’s funny, because you can literally search “nsr characters” into Google and she’s the third image result. I love how jumpy she is when you first interact with her, since NSR probably spread the word about B2J suggesting they’re rock thugs who’d beat up anyone, so for all she knows she could die right then and there with a guitar lodged in her skull. She’s probably just some intern trying to pay for college. She don’t want trouble.

Also, I just realized that 90% of the characters in this game have the same body structure that I always love, that being having arms/legs that sort of fan out in width into relatively large hands/feet. It’s a kind of limb structure I fall into so much because it just really hits me right for some reason. I really can’t explain why.

Anyways, I gotta talk about the big boys individually:

Mayday and Zuke are an amazing duo. I’m always a sucker for a cute and crazy girl, but honestly Zuke hit so many of the right notes too. I will say it’s weird to pair the martian Zuke with the humanly-skinned Mayday, but honestly it doesn’t even matter because he looks so cool on his own. I love his weird blocky blue dreadlocks, and his weirdly shaped shirt which bares his chest in the weirdest way... And, oh my god, Mayday’s weird Spongebob background flower eyes? It’s little tidbits like that that really make me jealous. How could I have ever thought of that? It looks so perfect, and I don’t know why. And her little booty jig she does in her idle animation? Adorable. I played as her as much as was reasonable not only because I’m a filthy button masher with little strategy but also because she’s so damn cute. I can also appreciate how she has a tough-as-nails persona while still keeping a semi-girly attitude, like with her falling for 1010 and Sayu. Characters are so much better when they’re a perfect blend of characteristics, instead of being all one-note, like how Zuke is the quiet one but gets heated against DK West, and all.

Honestly the voice acting for every character is great, but I love when Mayday’s VA’s accent shows through. It’s a perfect twang to accent (consider this the only acknowledgement of a pun in this post) her snarkiness.

DJ Subatomic Supernova was going to be an easy favorite since he’s all space-themed. Also, I don’t know why I always end up liking the egotistic characters. Not in the sense that I like their egotistic-ness, but in the sense that I like everything else about them and they just so happen to also be egotistic. The same applied with Empoleon (maybe like my 2nd favorite Pokemon) and Rarity from MLP, probably among others. Either way, I’ll never not love space themes. Not to mention he’s got a funky disco theme, and I’m slowly starting to realize that I am in extreme love with techno-funk styles of music. The instant I heard his music he cemented his place into my playlists.

As for design, I still have no idea what the fuck he is. Clearly AI is at human levels in this world, but if he’s a robot why does he still have hairy legs? But, if he’s a human, is that weird orb his head? Is it just some sort of puppet which he controls from inside his giant jacket? I know I dissed explaining things realistically but I actually want to know with this guy. Even the wiki doesn’t say. Either way, he’s clearly the logical extreme of “being at the center of your own universe.” Even his jacket depicts a solar system, with his hood being the sun. Didn’t see that until I tried to draw him. I really wish this guy wasn’t so tied to his DJ stand so I could reasonably draw him without it. I don’t want to draw his hairy ass legs. It is a great touch for his design though (although I prefer his beta look with pants and long boots, another design trait I tend to gravitate to) since DJs could reasonably not wear pants, since they’re always behind a table.

Sayu is my favorite. It’s so plainly obvious. It’s weird to say that sometimes, because some characters like Sayu are so clearly engineered to be as adorable as possible, to the point where they’re basically a parody of whatever they’re supposed to be emulating, but then they do that so well that they are still likable for what they’re trying to parody. Also, even though I’ve never looked into any vocaloid superstars myself, the fact that they exist and are loved in real life is absolutely perfect to be used as a character design in a world like this. It’s so weird conceptually, but we all know it’s normal and realistic. But yeah, she’s a giga-cutie whom I’ve already drawn and I’ve listened to her theme on loop on many different occasions. Favorite character, favorite track, favorite weapon of choice (What did I say about Empoleon?), which, and I wouldn’t have noticed this myself, looks like the USB symbol you see above USB ports on computers. How crazy perfect is that?

Even apart from my unbridled love for cute monster robot(?) girls, her boss fight is probably the 2nd greatest of them all, at least conceptually. She’s just a hologram, so you can’t touch her, but you CAN disconnect the artists which control her in order to defeat her. It’s the kind of concept for a boss fight that could only work for this type of character. I’m a sucker for the cute girl that provides her voice, but I love how the animator (video editor? the yellow one) actually attacks you with a mouse and lowers the brightness of the setting once he appears. Also, the mocap guy being the deeply-voiced type but still providing the adorable movements of her body. It’s such a great combo of characters, and their little extra art in the credits makes me like them even more. I just wish we could interact with them individually.

DK West was probably one of the most interesting characters visually, especially since I knew of every other NSR member long before the game came out, but I only just heard of him closer to the release. I wasn’t sure where he was placed, but I definitely assumed his gig was the weird shadow demon we saw in the trailers. When I finally saw him in game, I was shocked to hear him speak an entirely different language most of the time, which was really cool. Also, finding out he was tied to Zuke and wasn’t strictly an NSR artist really made him more interesting. You know, if his fucking shadow clone magic didn’t make him crazy cool enough. Even though I suck at his game and am not especially fond of his raps, the visual of him rapping with this giant monster behind him and dozens of weird shadow wingmen by his side hyping him up was probably one of the coolest in the entire game. The dark way they were hyping him up too gave such a bizarre atmosphere, especially since it parallels his seemingly chill and smiley demeanor.

I definitely hope they’ll introduce new bosses as DLC in the future, and make them sort of in the same vein as DK West, where they aren’t the biggest artists ever, but they want to pick a fight with B2J. I’d kill for any extra content this game can provide.

Yinu is obviously special since she was the subject of the demo they put out for the game. Even though I knew all her bells and whistles, she and her mom still beat me a few times in the full game. Considering she’s semi-tied to story-ish spoilers I kinda want to go more into her in a separate section. It is worth considering playing the game first since it’s not hard (with the easy going deaths) and it’s short length.

1010 seriously grew on me as I learned more about them and interacted with them. I got their shtick when I first looked at them, but after seeing that animation of them touring the city on Youtube I was kinda falling for them. Then, I learned that they’re apparently repurposed navy war robots? I mean, maybe not them specifically, but it seems to heavily point in that direction, with the warship cars and “attention!”s and all. It took me a bit to get into their music too, but once I actually fought them and put their actions to the music I fell in love with it. I swear, Neon J’s weird dancing can has some of the smoothest moves in all of gaming. I don’t know whether they mocapped out those movements or got one of the greatest animators ever, but it looks so impossibly clean his part of the song gets me like 30x more hype than it would normally.

Also, their little art piece of them looking at fan mail in the credits is probably one of the most adorable things ever. Even if they’re just Neon J’s puppets, that piece of art really makes it seem like they love every one of their fans. I’m not gonna lie, I might swoon a bit too if they picked me out and gave me some special attention.

Oh yeah, and the fact that Mayday was super sad in her showstopper against them was adorable and hilarious at the same time. The little tweaks they made to the showstopper for each fight were great.

Eve just has to be Lady Gaga, right? Like, an even crazier Lady Gaga. DJSS is Daft Punk (or any artist with a helmet persona, you know what I’m talking about), Sayu is Hatsune Miku, DK West is Kanye West, Yinu is a generic child protege, 1010 is a KPop boyband (just pick one) and Eve is Lady Gaga. That’s just how things are. But, again, this is the kind of boss fight that only this type of character could provide. It’s not just surreal imagery, it’s ARTISTIC surreal imagery. The fight is so mesmerizing in every way, especially by how it starts off so slow and calm and progresses to insanity, as well as the increased emotional investment in the fight making you feel so much more into it than just “That’s the boy band. Let’s fight.” Not only does it get you more invested, but it makes her artistic persona go deeper than just “she looks weird.” She is genuinely conflicted about her relationship with Zuke, and naturally that leads her to literally split him and Mayday apart. That mechanic specifically was the coolest, although I do wish they made it more obvious when you needed to switch over to a different side. I was getting pulverized by her fight too, since there were so many things to pay attention to. Her fight was definitely the best one.

Tatiana and Spoilers:

Let’s be real with ourselves, the twist was so obvious. I do also think, though, that obvious twists aren’t bad if they’re just good reveals. At some point, a person just has experienced so many stories that “only pretty good” twists are easy to spot. It doesn’t mean that the twists are bad, it just means you yourself experienced.

I feel like her transition from rock to EDM was pretty understandable, even as a non-musician. She was so caught up in what she assumed was popular that it basically consumed her. It’s easy as an artist to want to forgo what you truly want to make in favor of what makes you popular, and clearly since her transition to EDM made her the CEO of the biggest company in the city (world?) that probably made her think she truly needed to change her outlook. Then, when she saw B2J try to bring it back, she sort of coined them as being as misguided as she was and knocked them down a peg. Plus, they were kinda being jerks about it.

It’s kinda like the Trolls sequel, where everyone pegs rock music fanatics as being too stuck up in their own heads to appreciate other types of music, which honestly seems more like the case than the alternative. When I first heard of the story of the game, I was seriously hoping they did put an asterisk on B2J’s ambitions because they were a bit sketchy from the start.

That’s kinda where I want to talk about Yinu, because she was the true turning point in what they were doing. She’s literally 9 and yet she’s getting dragged into all this BS. When she said “I hate you all” at the end of her fight, and played a somber tune on her broken piano after the fight destroyed it, you kinda got a kick in the face to realize you’re kinda being an asshole to some of them. Sure, they fight back, but they wouldn’t fight in the first place if they didn’t have to. They are just people who play music under a joint name that B2J just so happened to get in hot water with.

Then, of course, there’s Kliff, who also reeked of surprise villain, and who’s basically the embodiment of the bad side of B2J, where he just wanted to destroy for his own sake and not for the actual greater good. Once B2J realized their mistake, they backed off, but Kliff was so hard pressed to do what he planned on in the first place he wouldn’t stop. I kinda wish he got a bigger fight to his own since he’s clearly a big enough tech genius to divert a whole satellite into one specific building. Maybe the Elliecopter chase bit was his thing, but I do kind of wish he was there to fight against them too.

Even though Tatiana did kind of reform a bit quick, It’s still not too crazy to assume she could see that B2J was just misguided and the fact that they worked to revert their wrongdoings for her sake would make a pretty strong impressions. They clearly can hold their own, so it’s not like she wouldn’t want them to join NSR too.

Oh yeah, and her boss fight was clock/time themed. If there’s a theme under space that I love, it’s clocks/time.

And If I am to be respected by the internet, I must provide a negative opinion to balance out my positive one. I will say that the character model physics (like Mayday’s braids, DK West’s vest thing, Neon J’s fluffy neck thing, etc) got kinda funky at times. Especially DK West’s vest, which was completely messed up for every scene he was in... Also, even though the voices are mostly great, some lines felt a bit off. Just a bit. That good enough? Good.

But yeah anyway that’s another favorite game to add to the pile. Eventually I’m gonna have to compile a true list of my all-time favorite games/movies because I do kind of want to have a solid idea of what my all-time favorites are.

#nsr #no straight roads #bunk bed junction #dj subatomic supernova #sayu #yinu #dk west #spoilers #1010 #eve #tatiana #rambling #review #poole #etc #opinions #rant

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ot3 · 4 years ago

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i watched red vs blue: zero with my dear friends today and i was asked to “post” my “thoughts” on the subject. Please do not click this readmore unless, for some reason, you want to read three thousand words on the subject of red vs blue: zero critical analysis. i highly doubt that’s the reason anyone is following me, but hey.

anyway. here you have it.

Here are my opinions on RVB0 as someone who has quite literally no nostalgia for any older RVB content. I’ve seen seasons 1-13 once and bits and pieces of it more than once here and there, but I only saw it for the first time within the past couple of months. I’ve literally never seen any other RT/AH content. I can name a few people who worked on OG Red vs. Blue but other than Mounty Oum I have NO idea who is responsible for what, really, or what anything else they’ve ever worked on is, or whether or not they’re awful people. I know even less about the people making RVB0 - All I know is that the main writer is named Torrian but I honestly don’t even know if that’s a first name, a last name, or a moniker. All this to say; nothing about my criticism is rooted in any perceived slight against the franchise or branding by the new staff members, because I don’t know or care about any of it. In fact, I’m going to try and avoid any direct comparison between RVB0 and earlier seasons of RVB as a means of critique until the very end, where I’ll look at that relationship specifically.

So here is my opinion of RVB0 as it stands right now:

1. The Writing

Everything about RVB0 feels as if it was written by a first-time writer who hasn’t learned to kill his darlings. The narrative is both simultaneously far too full, leaving very little breathing room for character interaction, and oddly sparse, with a story that lacks any meaningful takeaway, interesting ideas, or genuine emotional connection. It also feels like it’s for a very much younger audience - I don’t mean this as a negative at all. I love tv for kids. I watch more TV for kids than I do for adults, mostly, but I think it’s important to address this because a lot of the time ‘this is for kids’ is used to act like you’re not allowed to critique a narrative thoroughly. It definitely changes the way you critique it, but the critique can still be in good faith. I watched the entirety of RVB0 only after it was finished, in one sitting, and I was giving it my full attention, essentially like it was a movie. I’m going to assume it was much better to watch in chunks, because as it stood, there was literally no time built into the narrative to process the events that had just transpired, or try and predict what events might be coming in the future. When there’s no time to think about the narrative as you’re watching it, the narrative ends up as being something that happens to the audience, not something they engage with. It’s like the difference between taking notes during a lecture or just sitting and listening. If you’re making no attempt to actively process what’s happening, it doesn’t stick in your mind well. I found myself struggling to recall the events and explanations that had immediately transpired because as soon as one thing had happened, another thing was already happening, and it was like a mental juggling act to try and figure out which information was important enough to dwell on in the time we were given to dwell on it.

Which brings me to another point - pacing. Every event in the show, whether a character moment, a plot moment, or a fight scene, felt like it was supposed to land with almost the exact same amount of emotional weight. It all felt like The Most Important Thing that had Yet Happened. And I understand that this is done as an attempt to squeeze as much as possible out of a rather short runtime, but it fundamentally fails. When everything is the most important thing happening, it all fades into static. That’s what most of 0’s narrative was to me: static. It’s only been a few hours since I watched it but I had to go step by step and type out all of the story beats I could remember and run it by my friends who are much more enthusiastic RVB fans than I am to make sure I hadn’t missed or forgotten anything. I hadn’t, apparently, but the fact that my takeaway from the show was pretty accurate and also disappointingly lackluster says a lot. Strangely enough, the most interesting thing the show alluded to - a holo echo, or whatever the term they used was - was one of the things least extrapolated upon in the show’s incredibly bulky exposition. Benefit of the doubt says that’s something they’ll explore in future seasons (are they getting more? Is that planned? I just realized I don’t actually know.)

And bulky it was! I have quite honestly never seen such flagrant disregard for the rule of “show, don’t tell.” There was not a single ounce of subtlety or implication involved in the storytelling of RVB0. Something was either told to you explicitly, or almost entirely absent from the narrative. Essentially zilch in between. We are told the dynamic the characters have with each other, and their personality pros and cons are listed for us conveniently by Carolina. The plot develops in exposition dumps. This is partially due to the series’ short runtime, but is also very much a result of how that runtime was then used by the writers. They sacrificed a massive chunk of their show for the sake of cramming in a ton of fight scenes, and if they wanted to keep all of those fight scenes, it would have been necessary to pare down their story and characters proportionally in comparison, but they didn’t do that either. They wanted to have it both ways and there simply wasn’t enough time for it.

The story itself is… uninteresting. It plays out more like the flimsy premise of a video game quest rather than a piece of media to be meaningfully engaged with. RVB0 is I think something I would be pitched by a guy who thinks the MCU and BNHA are the best storytelling to come out of the past decade. It is nothing but tropes. And I hate having to use this as an insult! I love tropes. The worst thing about RVB0 is that nothing it does is wholly unforgivable in its own right. Hunter x Hunter, a phenomenal shonen, is notoriously filled with pages upon pages of detailed exposition and explanations of things, and I absolutely love it. Leverage, my favorite TV show of all time, is literally nothing but a five man band who has to learn to work as a team while seemingly systematically hitting a checklist of every relevant trope in the book. Pacific Rim is an incredibly straightforward good guys vs giant monsters blockbuster to show off some cool fight scenes such as a big robot cutting an alien in half with a giant sword, and it’s some of the most fun I ever have watching a movie. Something being derivative, clunky, poorly executed in some specific areas, narratively weak, or any single one of these flaws, is perfectly fine assuming it’s done with the intention and care that’s necessary to make the good parts shine more. I’ll forgive literally any crime a piece of media commits as long as it’s interesting and/or enjoyable to consume. RVB0 is not that. I’m not sure what the main point of RVB0 was supposed to be, because it seemingly succeeds at nothing. It has absolutely nothing new or innovative to justify its lack of concern for traditional storytelling conventions. Based solely on the amount of screentime things were given, I’d be inclined to say the narrative existed mostly to give flimsy pretense for the fight scenes, but that’s an entire other can of worms.

2. The Visuals + Fights

I have no qualms with things that are all style and no substance. Sometimes you just want to see pretty colors moving on the screen for a while or watch some cool bad guys and monsters or whatever get punched. RVB0 was not this either. The show fundamentally lacked a coherent aesthetic vision. Much of the show had a rather generic sci-fi feel to it with the biggest standouts to this being the very noir looking cityscape, which my friends and I all immediately joked looked like something from a batman game, or the temple, which my friends and I all immediately joked looked like a world of warcraft raid. They were obviously attempting to get variety in their environment design, which I appreciate, but they did this without having a coherent enough visual language to feel like it was all part of the same world. In general, there was also just a lack of visual clarity or strong shots. The value range in any given scene was poor, the compositions and framing were functional at best, and the character animation was unpleasantly exaggerated. It just doesn’t really look that good beyond fancy rendering techniques.

The fight scenes are their entire own beast. Since ‘FIGHT SCENE’ is the largest single category of scenes in the show, they definitely feel worth looking at with a genuine critical eye. Or, at least, I’d like to, but honestly half the time I found myself almost unable to look at them. The camera is rarely still long enough to really enjoy what you’re watching - tracking the motion of the character AND the camera at such constant breakneck high speeds left little time to appreciate any nuances that might have been present in the choreography or character animation. I tried, believe me, I really did, but the fight scenes leave one with the same sort of dizzy convoluted spectacle as a Michael Bay transformers movie. They also really lacked the impact fight scenes are supposed to have.

It’s hard to have a good, memorable fight scene without it doing one of three things: 1. Showing off innovative or creative fighting styles and choreography 2. Making use of the fight’s setting or environment in an engaging and visually interesting way or 3. Further exploring a character’s personality or actions by the way they fight. It’s also hard to do one of these things on its own without at least touching a bit on the other two. For the most part, I find RVB0’s fight scenes fail to do this. Other than rather surface level insubstantial factors, there was little to visually distinguish any of RVB0’s fight scenes from each other. Not only did I find a lot of them difficult to watch and unappealing, I found them all difficult to watch and unappealing in an almost identical way. They felt incredibly interchangeable and very generic. If you could take a fight scene and change the location it was set and also change which characters were participating and have very little change, it’s probably not a good fight scene.

I think “generic” is really just the defining word of RVB0 and I think that’s also why it falls short in the humor department as well.

3. The Comedy

Funny shit is hard to write and humor is also incredibly subjective but I definitely got almost no laughs out of RVB0. I think a total of three. By far the best joke was Carolina having a cast on top of her armor, which, I must stress, is an incredibly funny gag and I love it. But overall I think the humor fell short because it felt like it was tacked on more than a natural and intentional part of this world and these characters. A lot of the jokes felt like they were just thrown in wherever they’d fit, without any build up to punchlines and with little regard for what sort of joke each character would make. Like, there was some, obviously Raymond’s sense of humor had the most character to it, but the character-oriented humor still felt very weak. When focusing on character-driven humor, there’s a LOT you can establish about characters based on what sort of jokes they choose to make, who they’re picking as the punchlines of these jokes, and who their in-universe audience for the jokes is. In RVB0, the jokes all felt very immersion-breaking and self aware, directed wholly towards the audience rather than occurring as a natural result of interplay between the characters. This is partially due to how lackluster the character writing was overall, and the previously stated tight timing, but also definitely due to a lack of a real understanding about what makes a joke land.

A rule of thumb I personally hold for comedy is that, when push comes to shove, more specific is always going to be more funny. The example I gave when trying to explain this was this:

saying two characters had awkward sex in a movie theater: funny

saying two characters had an awkward handjob in a cinemark: even funnier

saying two characters spent 54 minutes of 11:14's 1:26 runtime trying out some uncomfortably-angled hand stuff in the back of a dilapidated cinemark that lost funding halfway through retrofitting into a dinner theater: the funniest

The more specific a joke is, the more it relies on an in-depth understanding of the characters and world you’re dealing with and the more ‘realistic’ it feels within the context of your media. Especially with this kind of humor. When you’re joking with your friends, you don’t go for stock-humor that could be pulled out of a joke book, you go for the specific. You aim for the weak spots. If a set of jokes could be blindly transplanted into another world, onto another cast of characters, then it’s far too generic to be truly funny or memorable. I don’t think there’s a single joke in RVB0 where the humor of it hinged upon the characters or the setting.

Then there’s the issue of situational comedy and physical comedy. This is really where the humor being ‘tacked on’ shows the most. Once again, part of what makes actually solid comedy land properly is it feeling like a natural result of the world you have established. Real life is absurd and comical situations can be found even in the midst of some pretty grim context, and that’s why black comedy is successful, and why comedy shows are allowed to dip into heavier subject matter from time to time, or why dramas often search for levity in humor. It’s a natural part of being human to find humor in almost any situation. The key thing, though, once again, is finding it in the situation. Many of RVB0’s attempts at humor, once again, feel like they would be the exact same jokes when stripped from their context, and that’s almost never good. A pretty fundamental concept in both storytelling in general but particularly comedy writing is ‘setup and payoff’. No joke in RVB0 is a reward for a seemingly innocuous event in an earlier scene or for an overlooked piece of environmental design. The jokes pop in when there’s time for them in between all the exposition and fighting, and are gone as soon as they’re done. There’s no long term, underlying comedic throughline to give any sense of coherence or intent to the sense of humor the show is trying to establish. Every joke is an isolated one-off quip or one-liner, and it fails to engage the audience in a meaningful way.

All together, each individual component of RVB0 feels like it was conjured up independently, without any concern to how it interacted with the larger product they were creating. And I think this is really where it all falls apart. RVB0 feels criminally generic in a way reminiscent of mass-market media which at least has the luxury of attributing these flaws, this complete and total watering down of anything unique, to heavy oversight and large teams with competing visions. But I don’t think that’s the case for RVB0. I don’t know much about what the pipeline is like for this show, but I feel like the fundamental problem it suffers from is a lack of heart.

In comparison to Red vs. Blue

Let's face it. This is a terrible successor to Red vs. Blue. I wouldn’t care if NONE of the old characters were in it - that’s not my problem. I haven’t seen past season 13 because from what I heard the show already jumped the shark a bit and then some. That’s not what makes it a poor follow up. What makes it a bad successor is that it fundamentally lacks any of the aspects of the OG RVB that made it unique or appealing at all. I find myself wondering what Torrian is trying to say with RVB0 and quite literally the only answer I find myself falling back onto is that he isn’t trying to say anything at all. Regardless of what you feel about the original RVB, it undeniably had things to say. The opening “why are we here” speech does an excellent job at establishing that this is a show intended to poke fun at the misery of bureaucracy and subservience to nonsensical systems, not just in the context of military life, but in a very broad-strokes way almost any middle-class worker can relate to. At the end of the day, fiction is at its best when it resonates with some aspect of its audience’s life. I know instantly which parts of the original Red vs Blue I’m supposed to relate to. I can’t say anything even close to that about 0.

RVB is an absurdist parody that heavily satirizes aspects of the military and life as a low-on-the-food-chain worker in general that almost it’s entire target audience will be familiar with. The most significant draw of the show to me was how the dialogue felt like listening to my friends bicker with each other in our group chats. It required no effort for me to connect with and although the narrative never outright looked to the camera and explained ‘we are critiquing the military’s stupid red tape and self-fullfilling eternal conflict’ they didn’t need to, because the writing trusted itself and its audience enough to believe this could be conveyed. It is, in a way, the complete antithesis to the badass superhero macho military man protagonist that we all know so well. RVB was saying something, and it was saying it in a rather novel format.

Nothing about RVB0 is novel. Nothing about RVB0 says anything. Nothing about it compels me to relate to any of these characters or their situations. RVB0 doesn’t feel like absurdism, or satire. RVB0 feels like it is, completely uncritically, the exact media that RVB itself was riffing off of. Both RVB0 and RVB when you watch them give you the feeling that what you’re seeing here is kids on a playground larping with toy soldiers. It’s all ridiculous and over the top cliche stupid garbage where each side is trying to one-up the other. The critical difference is, in RVB, we’re supposed to look at this and laugh at how ridiculous this is. In RVB0 we’re supposed to unironically think this is all pretty badass.

The PFL arc of the original RVB existed to show us that setting up an elite team of supersoldiers with special powers was something done in bad faith, with poor outcomes, that left everyone involved either cruel, damaged, or dead. It was a bad thing. And what we’re seeing in RVB0 is the same premise, except, this time it’s good. We’re supposed to root for this format. RVB0 feels much more like a demo reel, cutscenes from a video game that doesn’t exist, or a shonen anime fanboy’s journal scribbling than it feels like a piece of media with any objective value in any area. In every area that RVB was anti-establishment, RVB0 is pure undiluted establishment through and through.

#long post #really long post guys. look out !#rvb

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kaizokuou-ni-naru · 4 years ago

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The Voyage So Far: Punk Hazard

east blue (1 | 2) || alabasta (1 | 2) || skypiea || water 7 || enies lobby || thriller bark || paramount war (1 | 2) || fishman island || punk hazard || dressrosa (1 | 2) || whole cake island || wano (1 | 2)

nami i love you

i reread nami’s backstory for the east blue post shortly before sitting down to write this one up, and it made her insistence on helping the punk hazard children hit a little different for me. they’re victimized and exploited kids, just like she was.

law’s devil fruit is genuinely one of my favorites, as well as, in my opinion, one of the visually coolest by far, and i love all the cool displays of it we get both in this arc and the next one

i know law gets clowned on a lot this arc, and that’s fantastic too, but he also has a lot of genuinely cool panels, especially early on

characters that remind me how gay i am

relatedly, i do think monet has one of the best visual designs introduced in the new world, especially for a character who, ultimately, is a minor antagonist. i’m not just saying that because she’s hot, either- her wings and talons flow so well with the rest of her design while giving her a monstery look that will later come out FULL force when she turns into a full-on snow monster.

law saying he’s free to go wherever he wants, and his chopping up anyone who even dares to question that right, hits a lot harder knowing his backstory and cora’s final words and thoughts

alliance time!! this was eight and a half years ago in real time, and these two are still working together. i kind of like thinking about this from law’s point of view, because he allied with the strawhats solely to have a few more hands on deck for his dressrosa suicide plot and definitely never assumed he would be around to actually go through with the ‘fighting kaidou’ part of the plan.

joke’s on him. he allied with the strawhats.

luffy’s smile here makes me very happy

kinda like thriller bark, punk hazard is another pretty teamwork-based arc, which is something i really love. it’s particularly fun in this case because there’re a bunch of vastly different people and groups thrown together (the strawhats; smoker, tashigi and the g-5 guys; law; kin’emon (and momo)) who are all very different and yet can work very well together when needs must.

smoker and tashigi get a downgrade in prominence post-timeskip, mostly because the introduction of armament haki means smoker just can’t be the threat he used to be anymore, and i have particular problems with tashigi’s treatment in this arc that i’ve written about before, but- all that said, smoker is still really, really good character in punk hazard, especially in his interactions with vergo and law.

i really love when little, forgettable details come up in ways you might not expect- of course nami’s heat ball hard counters monet’s powers, at least momentarily. she’s made of snow. oda is really incredible of keeping track of little things like this.

i may have issues with the monet fight but god if this isn’t sexy as hell

of the strawhats, i think chopper is actually one of the ones who shines the most in punk hazard. chopper has some of his best moments when faced with so-called ‘doctors’ who use science to hurt and dehumanize others, directly spitting on everything chopper values and believes in and everything hiriluk died for. he’s really good in thriller bark for the same reason.

this is one of my very favorite luffy panels.

law defeating (and ultimately killing) vergo is highly satisfying just on a first read with only context from this arc, given vergo’s earlier torture of law and his betrayal of the g-5 men’s trust in him, but it takes on an entire new dimension with the knowledge of law’s backstory and just what vergo did to him and cora.

fishman island might be the first major arc after the timeskip, but punk hazard, specifically law’s new era speech at the end of it, strike me as much more emblematic and a much better introduction of what the entire post-ts era of the story is about. it’s not just about survival anymore- it’s about directly, proactively confronting the old, entrenched systems of power that rule the world and then tearing them down to make room for a new world and a new age.

i’ve written... a lot of meta about the donquixote family, their strange, abusive cultishness and the obsessive love and loyalty they hold for doflamingo and how he doesn’t value them in nearly the same way, but this panel in particular is one that sticks with me.

i think this is the only time anyone other than luffy is described as “the man who will become the pirate king” (海賊王になる男/kaizoku-ou ni naru otoko). monet is ready to die for doflamingo, and this is her last thought. it ties very effectively into the twisted parallels between the donquixote pirates and the strawhats.

it might be obvious by now, but i’m a huge sucker for group shots

i couldn’t find a good place to mention it earlier, but i really love how kin’emon and momonosuke are introduced in this arc. they’re introduced as fairly inconsequential characters with no real indication that they’ll be anywhere near as important as they will be in the future.

and yet at the same time, there are a lot of details from this arc that make a lot more sense having read wano- momo’s fear of heights, kin’emon’s dislike of dragons, momo’s unwillingness to eat food given to him that hasn’t been taste-tested (definitely something he learned as a shogun’s son, and also probably what saved him from suffering the same fate as the other kids). oda is on a storytelling level i can’t even conceive.

doflamingo has already been pretty thoroughly established as a very dangerous person ever since his introduction back in jaya, but his absolutely destroying smoker and nearly killing him just for not telling him what wants to know really drives the point home, just in time for him to come to the fore as main antagonist of the next arc.

#the voyage so far #long post #one piece #opmeta #arc: punk hazard #not japanese

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calzona-ga · 4 years ago

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EXCLUSIVE: ABC’s promo for the Season 17 premiere of Grey’s Anatomy teased a “shocking, jaw-dropping ending.” That was an understatement.

In one of the series’ biggest twists ever, a beloved character, Patrick Dempsey’s Derek Shepherd, whose tragic death in an April 2015 episode left fans heartbroken, came back. Appropriately, the late McDreamy appeared in a dream sequence, joining Ellen Pompeo’s Meredith Grey on a beach seconds after Meredith collapsed in the parking lot of Grey Sloan Memorial.

The sweet Meredith-Derek reunion was the joyous coda to an emotional two-hour season premiere of Grey’s Anatomy’s 17th season, dedicated to frontline healthcare workers, which marked the conclusion of a Station 19 crossover. It was marked by tragedy, as Meredith struggled to cope with the mounting COVID deaths at the hospital; anger, as medical personnel were left to fight the disease without enough PPE; hope, as the teenage girl whom DeLuca had unsuccessfully tried to save from human trafficking was reunited with her family; heartbreak, as Owen refused to reconcile with Teddy despite her pleas for forgiveness; and happiness, as Link and Derek’s sister Amelia took their newborn baby boy home. In fact, just minutes after Link announced their son’s name, Scout Derek Shepherd Lincoln, Derek made his appearance. While not necessarily designed as a clue, “it all came together quite beautifully,” Grey’s Anatomy showrunner Krista Vernoff and star Pompeo said.

In an exclusive interview with Deadline, which had known about the big twist, Dempsey, Vernoff and Pompeo reveal how the idea for McDreamy’s return came about, how long he will stick around, how the scene was filmed, and the great lengths to which the show went in order to keep the cameo a secret so fans can fully enjoy it.

Vernoff and Pompeo also address Meredith’s fate following her medical emergency and in the context of Pompeo’s contract coming up at the end of the season, how the real-life coronavirus pandemic changed Grey’s Anatomy on and off the screen, whether will there be COVID casualties among the staff of Grey Sloan, are there plans for a time jump, and is there hope for Teddy and Owen.

Dempsey, who has a cancer foundation, had his own questions for Vernoff and Pompeo about whether advancements in COVID treatments and the issue of wearing masks are reflected on the show.

DEADLINE: Before we talk about Patrick’s return, let’s address the incident that brought on the cameo, Meredith’s collapse, because we usually associate those kind of visions with somebody on the brink of death. Is Meredith OK? Is this just her being overworked, or is it COVID or something else very serious?

VERNOFF: Well, you have to tune in next week. We started the episode with Meredith dreaming of a beach, and at the end of the episode, she’s dreaming of the beach where Derek happens to be, and that’s what we know so far.

DEADLINE: How did the idea to bring Patrick back come about?

VERNOFF: From a writer’s perspective, it happened because it was my job to find a way — once we determined that we were doing the pandemic — to also bring joy, and escape, and fan candy, and all the things that at Grey’s Anatomy we give people. We give them romance, and we give them humor, and we give them joy, and a lot of that is lacking for the medical community in this pandemic. And so, I was walking on the beach one day, and I was like, what if there’s a Meredith dream motif?

There have been studies about how intense our dream life has been. In the pandemic, people are having really intense dreams because of the lockdown. We’re not getting enough stimulation, and so, it’s happening in our dreams. So, it started as that. It started as, how do we give people some escape. I had this imagining of a beach motif throughout the season, and I called Ellen, and I said, what if we bring back, I don’t know, some dead character that you could dream of on the beach, that would be so fun for the fans.

And she said, let’s get Patrick. Even in my most excitable dream life, that thought hadn’t occurred to me as an option, and there it was.

DEADLINE: Ellen, what made you think of Patrick?

POMPEO: Patrick and I both have homes in Malibu, and we went for a hike one day. I had known that Krista wanted to do a beach thing, and I was at the beach. Patrick and I weren’t hiking on the beach, but we were hiking in Malibu, which, you can see the beach.

And the idea just struck me so I just said to him, would you ever consider coming and being a part of the storytelling this season? I know that Patrick has his foundation in Maine where he helps cancer patients and cancer survivors, and that’s a huge effort of his, and I know that it’s important to him, also, to give people hope, and give people joy, and we wanted to bring something to this moment.

There’s just so much darkness, and we knew that coming together would be a little ray of light. And so, I think we had the same idea, at the core, to want to help people and bring a smile to people’s faces. So, he loved the idea, and we were just so excited, and we had a ball filming it.

DEADLINE: Patrick, were you surprised when Ellen asked? What made you say yes?

DEMPSEY: I had a lot of calls from a lot of local government officials in Maine saying, we really need to get the message out there, to get people to socially distance, to wear a mask. I came across a photo that I was going to post that had Ellen and I, and I think that produced a call where I reached out to Ellen, and this was right around, the conversation was starting for Season 17. And Ellen’s like, let’s get together, I want to go over a couple things, I want to catch up.

We hadn’t spoken or been together for a while. It was a great opportunity to catch up and say, OK, what can we do for all the frontline responders? I’ve been tracking what Grey’s had been doing with giving masks, and making sure that people had the right equipment, and it came from that place — OK, what can we do to make people feel better, to give some comfort in this time of uncertainty, and that’s how it began. And it was really a wonderful experience to go back, to work with [director/EP] Debbie [Allen].

I think the whole atmosphere has changed, certainly working at the beach, and seeing everybody again was really a very healing process, and really rewarding, and a lot of fun. And hopefully, that feeling translates, and the fans enjoy it. I know that they’ve been wanting us to get back together, and I think this will satisfy a lot of people, and surprise a lot of people, hopefully.

DEADLINE: Was it easy to go back into character?

DEMPSEY: It was really enjoyable. It was really exciting, and fun, and it was great to see everybody. Kevin [McKidd, who directs Episode 3] was there as well, so there was a lot of familiar faces, a lot of new faces. The dynamic behind the camera had changed. There’s much more diversity within the crew. There was a nice balance, too, of equality that I was seeing. So, culturally, there was a lot of things that were different, that I thought were very positive and very inspiring, actually.

DEADLINE: Ellen, Patrick, did you filmed the beach scene together?

POMPEO: Yes.

DEADLINE: How was it looking at each other, on set, in character, after so many years?

DEMPSEY: Well, I have less eyesight than I used to, so (laughter). It was great. It was really fun, very special. it felt really comfortable, incredibly safe. The whole process, I have to say, from getting tested before even showing up to the set, the whole process in which we shot, I felt safe the whole time. You felt the crew was protected. We had the outdoor space, and it was easy.

POMPEO: It felt great. Patrick and I have this chemistry, where I think, even from when we first met, for some reason it just felt like we’ve known each other for a hundred years, and it’s just the same feeling. It’s like riding a bike, we just have a chemistry and a dynamic that’s always served us well, and I think we have a genuine affection for each other.

And it was very healing to come back, and know that we’re doing something good, putting out a positive story, a healing story, going to make people smile, and I think, for me, I’m really grateful for the opportunity to be able to be at this place in the show where we can do this. We constantly get to rewrite, I don’t want to say the ending, but we get to keep the rewrites going, which, I guess, you writers love, right?

They love to start over, to scrap it and rewrite it, and make it better, and that’s what’s fun about this process this far along, is getting the opportunity to work with Patrick again, and just coming up with ideas, how do we keep surprising the fans, and how do we keep the quality of the show up, is what makes it continue to be fun.

DEADLINE: How long is Patrick going to stick around for?

VERNOFF: It’s more than the one scene you saw, Nellie, and it was just joyful. I really want to echo that. Patrick and Ellen and I were all there at the beginning of this; I wasn’t there for the pilot, but I was there for the first seven seasons, and that was 17 years ago. That was, like, a lifetime ago; my kids weren’t alive. It was so wild to walk out on that beach, and just be together again as these different people that we are now. But I can’t overstate how joyful and healing an experience this was.

DEMPSEY: Yeah, for me as well. It was really special. It’s really hard to believe, 17 years, that’s remarkable. I mean, a lot of us didn’t have children at that point, right? So, our kids have grown up, they’re now in school. It’s crazy how much time has passed, but it really was so comforting, and lovely, and inspiring to go back, and to work together, to see everybody. It really was so open, too, that was the thing, really, people were very, I think, vulnerable in a positive way, where we were all grateful to be there and to be together.

DEADLINE: And you are game to do more episodes?

DEMPSEY: Yeah, it was fun, because I really love the message of what the dynamic is in this story. With everything that we’re dealing with right now, and certainly we have been distracted with the election, but we’re going to get back into the reality of COVID and being in a pandemic, and all the lives that have been lost. Where are these souls going? And I think that’s what attracted me to this storyline, I think it can be really helpful and healing to so many people.

POMPEO: I also think that, in a strange way, the behind the scenes of the show is certainly paralleling what we need, with the stories that we put out. What do we love about the show? We love that the show brings people together. We love that the show hopefully opens people’s minds, it opens people’s hearts, and I think that, in the running of the show and the making of the show, if we follow those same principles, if we follow the principles of love first, of acceptance, of open mind, open heart, forgiveness, all of it is, that’s the message of Grey’s.

And for us to be able to mirror that behind the scenes, and truly walk our walk and talk our talk with each other, those who created the show, I think, is a really amazing full-circle sort of story for a TV show that’s gone on this long.

DEADLINE: How hard was it to keep Patrick’s return a secret?

VERNOFF: I have to say that it was an epic feat, the keeping of this secret. I didn’t send cuts to the studio and network that included that last scene. I didn’t have writers’ assistants in the writers’ room for the last couple of months. There were writers who didn’t know we were doing this on that staff. Most of the actors didn’t know we were doing this. The crew didn’t know we were doing this when they showed up on the day.

I put the name “Ellis Grey” in the script that we read at the table, and I had Meredith say “Mom” at the table, so we got there on the day, and no one had been told what was happening. So, also watching the crew react, and [producer] Linda Klein, who’s been there from the beginning, we got Norman back, who was our amazing hair guy from the beginning [Norman T. Leavitt was makeup department head on ABC’s Grey’s Anatomy for the first 14 seasons]. I was like a crazy person with this secret. And Ellen and I were texting at all hours of the night, like, who knows, I think this person.

POMPEO: Absolutely.

DEADLINE: Will we see Ellis on the show this season?

VERNOFF: I don’t know. I don’t know. You have to tune in and see who comes to the beach. It’ll be a joyful discovery.

DEADLINE: Ellen, your character is dealing with a lot of tragic COVID deaths in the premiere. For you and Krista, will we see some tragedy within the ranks of the Grey Sloan staff too? A lot of medical professionals have lost their lives to COVID in real life.

POMPEO: I think we have a responsibility to really show what these healthcare workers have been going through. It’s so easy for a big part of the population to just be irritated with wearing a mask, and they’re sort of disconnected from what real doctors and nurses and anyone who works in a hospital are actually dealing with.

I don’t want to speak for Krista, but I think for me, certainly, I saw this as an opportunity to tell the story of how hard this is for our healthcare workers; it’s devastating for them. I think Krista will tell you that they’ve sat down with so many doctors and nurses, and they hear the stories, and they’re writing right from these stories that they’re hearing. And this has been devastating, and changed the medical community forever.

So we have to show, that’s our responsibility, to show what a struggle this is for healthcare workers, and continues to be as we see [COVID] numbers spiking again. We have to try to spread some empathy, and show people that this is very real, and it’s really hard, and the next time you want to complain about wearing a mask, think about what these people have to do. They have to wear a mask, they have to wear full PPE, full cappers. They literally have to do 50 things just to be able to perform their job.

DEADLINE: Krista?

VERNOFF: I have to say that I feel like Ellen did an extraordinary job in that premiere, paying respect to healthcare workers with her performance. The thing that she did is exactly what I’ve been talking about so much, which is that these doctors and nurses who come to the writers’ room every year. They are joyful and excited, and they’re always there to tell us these exciting stories. And this year, it felt like, it was the first time they were talking to anybody.

It was the first break they were taking. It was the first time anyone was asking them what they were living through, and to a person, it felt like they were on the verge of breaking. They were different people, and I felt like Ellen so beautifully embodied it throughout this episode, the change, what this pandemic is doing to people who were trained to help and heal, but not trained to walk through war, and not trained to lose dozens of patients, sometimes in a day.

It’s breaking them, and I feel like we’re already showing the strain and the impact, and yes, there will be more of that, and somehow, we’re also bringing joy. We’ve been carefully threading this needle, of paying honor and homage, and telling the truth of this story, while finding ways to also bring joy to the audience, and I’m really excited about Season 17.

DEADLINE: You’re not going to hint whether anyone on the show is in jeopardy, are you?

VERNOFF: Well, for sure, Nellie, for sure people are in jeopardy. Meredith collapses at the end of the premiere. People are in jeopardy, and multiple people are in jeopardy throughout the season, in myriad ways, because that’s the moment we’re living through.

DEADLINE: Ellen, should we read more into Meredith’s collapse in light of you figuring out your future on the show? You have said that you’re not sure what you’re going to do beyond this season.

POMPEO: You can’t read into anything. Really, that’s dangerous territory. I think that, collectively, we, or creatively, it’s the same this year as it always is. Is there a reason to continue? What stories do we have to tell? What characters do we have to bring back that gives us story to tell? I said in another interview last week, we’re always in this incredibly sweet spot with this show, for whatever reason.

We always have incredible circumstances that allow us to continue creatively, whether it’s ideas, or circumstances that happen. Our goal is just to make good TV. I think we’re all aware of the icon status of the show, we’re so aware of that, and I think that that’s why Patrick was so humble and so grateful to be able to come back, because we are very grateful that we have this huge platform. And I don’t think any of us take the platform that we have lightly.

And so, at this point, I think, we don’t know what we’re going to do. We know that we’re grateful, and we know that we want to show our gratitude, and grateful to each other making the show, that we’re able to keep continuing to grow, and to tell stories that we think are important, and getting this moment. Listen, who gets career runs like this? Patrick Dempsey’s been working since he’s … I know he’s been working off-camera even earlier, but I mean, when was your first role, Patrick, when you were 16 or 17?

DEMPSEY: Sixteen, 17, so 30 years.

POMPEO: Who gets a run like that? So, I just think that we’re incredibly grateful to be able to still be here, and be telling these stories that we feel are important, and we’ll see. Creatively, this is our heavy-lifting, to keep raising the bar for ourselves, but we’ve got something great, which is we’ve got gratitude, and we’re all smart, creative people. So, if there’s a way to figure it out, we certainly will.

DEMPSEY: The range of emotions, where you’re getting a chance to cry, but you’re also getting a chance to laugh, I think that’s a huge success in the storytelling. The whole ride has been remarkable on so many levels, being a part of this show for so many years, and it’s profoundly changed my life in so many ways. I’m very grateful for that, and hopefully to use that platform in a positive way, where you’re doing something good. And I’m grateful to be a part of this show at this particular moment in time.

DEADLINE: The premiere is set in April 2020. Krista, will the show fast forward to now?

VERNOFF: We’re not fast forwarding. We’re playing it through. So, by the time it’s airing, most of what we’re doing is almost a year ago, in the timeline. And there’s more joy.

DEMPSEY: Do you get into how the disease is treated over time as well? Do you get into how the science — and I think this is an important thing for us to remember and to really believe in the science, in the breakthroughs that they’re making on a daily basis. How do you track that, and has that been part of your conversation?

VERNOFF: It is. It’s a constant part of the conversation, and we have three doctors on staff now who come into the writers’ room most of the time, and we have a lot of conversations of even the evolution, what you see in terms of the protective gear that they’re wearing in the premiere versus the evolution of the protective gear, when are they treating with ventilators and when are they not. There were drug studies and drug trials, and we’re doing our best to be honest about that progress, and also the evolution in the hospitals.

Grey Sloan in the premiere has a special COVID ward, and these intake tents, and then, throughout the course of the season, other spaces evolve to hold COVID patients, and we’re hearing news about other hospitals. Washington was hit really hard early on. So, we’re trying to play through all of that.

DEMPSEY: Sorry, follow-up question, if I may. Do you get into the politics of the mask, and how that affects in a negative or a positive way? Do you go down that road at all?

VERNOFF: We try to stay away from overt politics, and the politicizing of the mask is a real thing that happened. So, we’re not talking about politicians. We just don’t do that at Grey’s Anatomy, partly because we want the show to be for everybody, and we don’t want it to become so polarizing, where it feels like we’re preaching from some particular pulpit. We’re just sticking with the science, and the reaction of doctors to the idea that people are not understanding and/or not believing that masks are imperative to protect other people and themselves.

So, we’re playing it through character, is the answer, like what an outrage it is for these doctors, who spend their lives and their all-day, every-day, trying to save people, to see human beings out there choosing not to protect their fellow human beings, because they’re not believing in science, and they’re not believing scientists.

DEADLINE: How is filming going? Grey’s was one of the first shows to shut down production early in the pandemic to protect the cast and crew. How is it now, with the new COVID wave? I write stories about shutdowns virtually every day.

VERNOFF: I mean, knocking wood, so far.

POMPEO: Good so far, yeah. We’re good. Of course, anything can happen at any moment, but I think that collectively, everybody’s really careful. And again, we’re trying to be mindful of one another, and we’re trying to be mindful of how we live our lives when we’re not at work, because that’s the smart thing to do, and we have to come to work and keep everybody safe. Nobody wants to get shut down.

VERNOFF: We’re really careful in our creating of the show, also, to help the actors feel safe. We shut down before other shows, we also came back to production before a lot of other shows, thanks to truly the leadership of Debbie Allen. There was some leadership from me, but for sure, it was guided by Debbie Allen going, if we don’t come back, we’re never going to come back, come on, Krista, we’re coming back. Set a date, set a date, set a date, where’s the scripts? Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.

She kept saying, if you put a date on the calendar, we’re going to work toward it, and we’re going to figure out how to do it safely, and we really did figure out how to do it safely. We were lucky that we’re set in a hospital, so that our actors, when they’re working together tightly, can be in masks. But it was also my job, and the job of the writers, to come up with plans and motifs that allowed the audience to see the actors’ faces, and the actors to feel safe in that.

So, you didn’t just see a beach motif, which is a continuing motif through the season, and it was designed, that particular motif, so that Ellen could come to work without a mask and feel safe, because she’s outside; the epidemiologists have been clear about how much safer outside is. But you also saw, for the first time in 17 seasons, Meredith’s house back yard. We built a backyard set on the exterior of the lot, outside the writers’ bungalow, so that those actors could give us some no-mask time, and feel safe in the beginning.

And more and more, we’re understanding how to keep everyone safe indoors, so we’re getting a little bit more without masks indoors, but at the beginning, we had to really be creative, in terms of how are we doing this, how are we keeping ourselves safe, how are we helping them feel safe, and how are we giving the fans a show that’s joyful in addition to true.

DEADLINE: And one final question: is there any hope for Teddy and Owen?

VERNOFF: Teddy is doing good. They’ve got a long haul, Nellie. If there’s hope for them, it’s in the ethers, but you know, I didn’t have a lot of hope that Patrick Dempsey was going to be back on Grey’s Anatomy last year, and look where we are. So…

#grey's anatomy #Ellen Pompeo #Patrick Dempsey #news #spoiler #deadline #krista vernoff #season 17 #17x01 #17x02

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noladyme · 4 years ago

Text

Chess. Chapter 10

Y/N never hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it. She only took what she needed, or what she felt others needed. She’d stayed out of sight for a long time, avoiding anything that could get her in to too much trouble. But for some reason Rick Flag shows up in her life, and in an instant, everything changes.

TW: Language, sexual themes, injuries. Rated M

(This story is obviously non-canon, i.e. Diablo and GQ, but I hope you’ll enjoy it either way. Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list.)

The next day our weapons were packed up for us; as we weren’t allowed to have them on us during the flight. They had doubled the guards for our transportation to the garage; as some of them would be joining us on the journey.

Apparently over his resentment towards Harley for keeping us awake the night before; Digger was cracking jokes, and messing with the pilot of the chopper taking us to Gotham. It was bigger than the one from a couple of days ago; seemed to be for transportation of goods, and not humans.

“Oy, mate. You ever see that movie, Con Air?”, Digger asked the pilot; who was clearly out of his element, and probably had never flown murderers and psychopaths across the country before. He fled to his seat in front of the aircraft, and Digger laughed hoarsely at us. “I think he’s seen it!”, he grinned.

Croc had been wheeled out on a standing gurney, strapped down, and mouth covered. They hadn’t untied him before boarding, but instead wheeled him into a large cage, and strapped the gurney to the bars. Five smaller cages were placed against the walls of the chopper, each equipped with a chair with straps that seemed to be supposed to function as seatbelts.

I took a step towards Rick, the guards around him quickly aiming their guns at me. “What the hell is this, Flag?”, I hissed.

He once again winced at my use of his last name. “Wallers orders. She’ll explain more once we arrive in Gotham”, he answered, voice leveled; not wanting to let anyone know about our connection.

Grabbing my arm, he led me to one of the cages in the chopper, pushed me inside, and closed the door; leaving us standing face to face – looking at each other through the bars.

“I need you to trust me. I’m going to make sure you all come out of this alive”, he whispered, and squeezed my hand before raising his voice. “Sit down and strap up prisoner. We got a long flight ahead”.

I looked at him, eyebrows furrowed; and then sat down in the chair.

Being led into his own cage, hands cuffed behind his back; Floyd smiled at the female guard locking the door. “Did they remember to tell you; I’m gonna want the vegetarian option”. She walked away from him, pretending not to hear. “Miss? Miss? Service at this airline is ridiculous”, he chuckled, and sat down to strap in.

Diablo had been drenched in water; and the Tweedles were seated on either side of his cage, each holding a fire extinguisher. He was grinning from ear to ear at the ridiculousness of the security measurement chosen to control him. We all knew none of it would do shit in the end, if he decided he wanted to use his fire.

“Where’s Harley”, Rick asked the guards, and they all looked confusedly at each other.

“I’m coming!”, Harleys voice yelled. Running down the hallway leading to the garage, with two guards – each dragging a brightly colored suitcase with one hand, and aiming guns at her with the other – trailing behind her.

Harley was dressed to the nines. Glitter stiletto boots; a barely there gold and pink sequined dress, and a faux fur coat. At least I guessed it was faux; as I’d never seen a purple, long haired zebra before. “Gosh, you’d think you’d give a girl time to pack up before a vacation”, she panted, and fanned her face with her hand. “This isn’t a vacation, Quinn. Get your ass on that helicopter!”, Rick growled, and followed her to her cage, locking it with her inside. Harley rolled her eyes at him, and strapped up like the rest of us.

“Arent you excited?”, she asked, beaming at me. “We’re going home!”. I shook my head. “We’ll be back here in no time”.

She grinned, and winked at me.

During our flight, Rick sat across the floor from my cage, continuously wringing his hands, and looking from between my eyes and the floor. At one point the female guard Floyd had been cracking jokes at earlier; came up to him with a small thermos.

“You look like you need a cup of coffee, sir”, she smiled sweetly. “I roast the beans myself”. Rick politely declined, and went back to starring at his boots. She pushed her hip out, bit her lip, and sighed. “Well, you just let me know if there’s anything at all you need”, she said, and turned to walk away, swaying her hips a little more seductively than her uniform could make look good.

I couldn’t help myself. I jumped at the cage, grabbed the bars, and starred her right in her face. “Sit down, prisoner!”, she said angrily.

I hissed at her, and bared my teeth; giving her the scariest face I could pull off. Mine, bitch!.

She jumped back, and rushed off to sit in her own seat; which happened to be next to Crocs cage. He growled; and she audibly swallowed, and looked away, holding on to her gun like it was a teddy bear. Crocs eyes smiled at me; and I smirked back.

Rick looked up at me and gave me a crooked smile. I half smiled back, and sat back down.

---

We landed a few hours later on a helipad on top of a large building in the outskirts of Midtown Gotham. Our cages were wheeled out of the chopper. Waller was waiting for us with a mustachioed man, who looked like he’d rather be anywhere but here.

“Commissioner Gordon”, Waller said. “This is Task Force X”. Gordon gulped. “You’ve probably met some of the team before”.

Harley sprang out of her chair, and stretched her arm out of the cage, as if to shake his hand. “Gordon! It’s been so long! How’s your wife?”, she smiled genuinely.

Floyd and Digger both chuckled, and sent each other a look.

“I don’t like this, Waller”, Gordon said. “You don’t have to like it, commissioner. You just have to accept it”. “You’re asking me to sign of on sending these sociopaths out on my streets, and hope that they won’t burn the whole city down in the process!”, Gordon raged.

“Psychopaths”, Harley corrected him. “Sociopaths are unable to show empathy, and to put themselves in others shoes. Psychopaths can fake it with the best of them”.

“Quinn, shut up”, Rick said, trying to hide a smile.

Waller continued. “This isn’t your call Gordon”, she said coldly. He frowned.

“You know, ever since I met you those three months ago; when you wanted me to let you use the bat-signal, everything has gone downhill”.

I gasped inaudibly. Him. He was the one that helped you. It was a trap. Rick took a step towards me, probably noticing my facial expression.

Waller looked at Gordon pointedly. “That’s a discussion for a different time”, she said, and I noticed her looking at me for a millisecond, before returning to him. “Why don’t you go on that vacation to Aruba you’ve been planning, hm?”.

Gordon grumbled something in response, and left us alone on the roof.

Waller turned towards us.

“Welcome to Gotham”. She turned to the guards. “Get them settled in”.

Rushing to me before my guard could reach my cage, Rick grabbed the bars. “I didn’t know, Y/N. I swear!”, he whispered; before the guard whisked me of to a nearby elevator.

---

We were placed under guard in an abandoned office building.

“Wow. Recession really hit this place hard, huh?”, Floyd said, looking around the large windowless room we were occupying.

“This is Wayne Enterprises property”, Rick answered him, glancing at me.

I sat, frozen in place, on my chair in my now opened cage. I hadn’t been able to stand up since it had been unlocked.

The guards had left us alone, after Rick – and Waller – had assured them that it was safe. Still; they were posted throughout the building, prepared for what they thought would be an inevitable escape attempt.

Croc, stretching his limbs from having been tied down for so long, walked over to me; put his hands on my shoulders, and pulled me into a standing position. My legs still wobbly; he had to hold on to me for a second, before lifting my chin to look at me.

“You a’ight, cher’?”, he asked, with his naturally gravelly voice.

“They set me up”, I answered.

“They set us all up, darlin’”, Digger said from his corner, sharpening his boomerangs – our weapons having been given back to us on the insistence of Rick.

“The first time they got me was on date night”, Harley said. She seemed far away again. “Mr. J took me dancing; and we were on our way home to cuddle up with a movie. Alice in Wonderland, my favorite”, she smiled at me. “It’s what she does. She gets us when we’re the happiest”. Her smile turned into something different. For the first time since I’d met her, Harley seemed… sad.

“No”, I said, trying to send her a look of sympathy. “I mean, before all this”. I went to the middle of the room, Croc trailing close behind to catch me if I decided to faint on them.

“A while back an acquaintance tracked me down at Sammy’s with an offer”, I said quietly. Selina had shown up at the club, wearing a black designer dress and sunglasses. Her topic of conversation had been interesting, but I’d been a little hesitant.

Selina, I know I owe you one for all the times I’ve asked you to feed my cats when I was working, but come on!, I thought to myself.

“She told me about a safe with a lot of money”, I continued. “I was short on cash, as I’d lost some money on a trip to Vegas”. A trip that had ended with me having to post bail for both me and my ex-“fiancée”, Melissa. “The safe was supposedly easy to reach; no thermal cameras, very few guards… It sounded too good to be true”.

“It was, huh?”, Diablo asked, leaning against a wall by the door.

“Yeah”, I answered. “She said she’d have done the deed herself, but didn’t have time due to other obligations. I didn’t need a lot of money to hold me over, just a couple of grand, ‘cuz I needed to help a friend”. I sent a look in Ricks direction. He nodded, knowingly. “Her only demand was that I donated most of the money to a shelter here in the city. I had no problem with that, as long as I could take what little I needed for my friend”.

“But she lied about the cameras and the security”; Rick said.

“I don’t know”, I answered. “Either that… or there was a tracker on the money. Shit, I have no idea, but a month later, you assholes showed up at my job, drugged me, and sent me to bumfuck Louisiana; to join your circus”.

Rick tightened his lips.

But Selina had known where I was all along. Why not just tell the Bat where I worked? Or was the safe another test?

My head was spinning. I sat down on a chair someone pulled out for me. Putting my head between my knees, I breathed heavily.

Rick got up and addressed the room. “You’ve all been assigned quarters here in the building. Please, try not to kill the guards. Croc, that means you”, he said, looking towards the large figure standing next to me. He growled in response.

“Get some rest. Tomorrow we move out”.

Everyone cleared out, each led by gunpoint to their designated room. Rick grabbed my arm tightly enough for it to look as if he was being rough with me. The female guard came up from behind us.

“Sir, we have a place set up for you on another floor. So you can get some privacy”, she said.

“I stay with my team”, Rick answered, and pulled me of in the direction of an adjoining corridor.

There were no guards in front of the door to my room. We were alone.

---

The room itself had clearly been an office. There were still indentations on the floor where a desk and a chair had stood. There was a file cabinet in the corner, drawers open and empty. On the floor lay a simple mattress with a pillow and a blanket covering it. A window let in the lights of the nighttime skyline. I put my hands against the window, fogging it up with my breath. Rick closed the door behind us.

“Y/N?”, he said quietly.

“Everything I’ve been through these last months… all lies”, I said, still staring out the window. “I can’t deal with anymore lies”.

“I’m not gonna lie to you, Y/N”, he said, and walked up behind me.

I turned around and looked at him. His eyes were intense – and honest. I took his hand and put it to my cheek. “I don’t want to think anymore. I need everything to just… stop”, I said, and grabbed a hold of his jacket, leaning in to him. He put his arms around me, and kissed the top of my head. “I know, kitten”. He exhaled and held me close. “I know”.

We stood there for a few seconds, before he let me go, and walked towards the door.

“Can you stay?”. He stopped dead in his tracks, and turned around; looking at me, bewildered. “You sure?”, he asked. I nodded. He stepped towards me.

“I’m not going anywhere until you ask me to”, he smiled warmly, and put me back into his arms again.

The room was chilly, but Ricks warmth spread through me, and for the first time since what felt like forever, my body relaxed, and I exhaled all the pain and frustration that had gathered inside me.

“Take me away from here”, I said, closing my eyes. “Where do you want to go?”, Rick asked, stroking my hair. “Anywhere”.

Rick chuckled. “I have a cabin in Montana”, he said. “You ever gone fishing?”. “Would it surprise you if I said yes?”, I smiled. “Kind of”, he laughed, and looked down at me.

I stepped away from him, sitting down on the mattress with my back to the wall. He sat down next to me; his arm behind my back, holding me close.

“Tell me about your cabin”, I said.

“It’s of a dirt road in the woods, right by a lake. Not a powerline in sight. No electricity or running water; but it’s got an old-fashioned water pump connected to the sink”. His thoughts seemed far away. “It’s just the one room. Wood stove. Insulated it myself last year”.

“Sounds like heaven” I mused.

“I still freeze my balls of in the winter, if I don’t keep it supplied with wood”, he said.

“Too bad”, I smirked. “They’re nice balls”.

He looked at me, eyebrows raised, stifling a laugh. “Oh yeah?”. He raised his chin a bit, looking down at me. There you are, you cocky bastard, I thought, and grinned at him.

He gave me a squeeze, and I rearranged my legs so they were laid over his.

“Can we go there?”, I asked. His face became determined. “I promise”, he said, and stroked my cheek.

I leant in to him, and our lips met. At first it was soft; sweet. Taking a break to look me in the eyes; Ricks face became hesitant.

“If you want me to stop, say it now; because if we keep going, I won’t be able to…”. I put a finger against his lips.

“Don’t… stop”, I said, put my hand around his neck, and pulled him in again.

Ricks free hand went to my thigh; squeezing it; and pulled me onto his lap; straddling him. I opened my mouth, and our tongues met, gently stroking each other.

As he held on to my waist, I took of my jacket. He quickly unlocked my harness, and threw it into a corner. I kissed his neck, and pushed his jacket down his shoulders; helping him take it of. Running my nails through his hair, I gently tugged at his earlobe with my teeth; coaxing a stifled moan out of him.

He pulled my top over my head, and put his hands on my breasts; squeezing them gently; making me gasp in response. He leant down and placed a kiss on my collarbone.

I tugged at his t-shirt. He pulled it of with a swift move, leaving only my bra as a barrier between our naked torsos. He pulled the straps of it down. “Off…”, he breathed, and what was supposed to be a yes, became a moan falling from my lips, as I reached behind my back, unhooking the unwanted garment.

A hand on my back, and the other on my butt; he swiftly turned us around, so that I was lying on my back under him. He sat on his knees between my legs, looking down at me. Slowly, he pulled the straps of my bra down my arms, leaving my upper body naked, laid out for him to see. I felt a sudden pang of insecurity, and laid an arm over my chest.

“No, please”, he said. “Let me just look at you”.

I smiled, cheeks reddening; in spite of the fact that he’d seen me completely naked once before.

He moved my arm out of the way, and ran his fingers down between my breasts, his expression soft. “You…”, he began, but couldn’t finish his sentence. I smiled.

“You just gonna stare at me all night?”, I asked.

His face darkened; and he was on me. A hand on each breast, he squeezed them together, and kissed me passionately. His left hand squeezed my nipple, making me gasp from the delicious sting of his touch.

His mouth moved down, kissing and nipping the skin on my throat. My vagina was throbbing, heat spreading from it, going into my stomach, and out my legs. Not letting go of my breasts, he licked a trail from between them, all the way down to my bellybutton. I put my hands on his upper back, sliding my fingers from his shoulder blades, up to his neck. His fingers grazed over my nipples, which were erect and responsive.

Pausing a bit over my stomach, his hands moved down my sides, stopping on my hips. He hooked his fingers into my waistband, and looked up at me, waiting for permission. I nodded, biting my lower lip; and he began pulling my leggings down, stopped by the boots I was still wearing. I laughed at his annoyed face, as he roughly pulled of the right boot, and gingerly pulled of the left one, taking care not to hurt my still injured ankle.

He removed my leggings swiftly, and lifted my ankle to his lips. I was no longer wearing the bandages – Harleys treatment had done some good – so he kissed the inside of it, and gently placed it back down on the mattress. His fingers trailed up the outside of my legs, and ended up on my hips again; playing with the sides of my panties.

Ricks pants had grown quite a bit tighter bellow the waistband; and with a smile I sat up, and began to unbuckle his belt. From where I was sitting, my lips had access to his chest, and I kissed my way to his right nipple; taking it into my mouth, gently nibbling it. His hands stroked my back as he grunted in response, and pulling my head back, he leant down, and once again kissed me; our lips weaving in to each other, as if they were created for this one purpose.

Our tongues colliding, he gently pushed me back down on the mattress; and moved back down my body, this time pulling down my panties – laying me bare in front of him. Sending me a wicked smirk, he ran his hands down the back of my thighs, lifting them so that I lay with my legs spread and my knees bent.

My breath hitched, and I closed my eyes.

He started at the top of my mound, kissing it gently, and tugging at the hair there with his fingers. He inhaled my scent. “Mhmm”, he mumbled, and I ran my fingers through his hair; hands shaking in anticipation. His warm breath spread across my folds.

“Rick”, I gasped.

“I’m here”, he answered; and kissed my nub once.

The sensation instantly sent sparks flying all the way through my body, and made me flinch. “It’s ok”, he breathed in to me. His hand found mine, and squeezed it gently.

His shoulders touching the backside of my thighs, I rested my left foot on his back.

He stroked a finger up my taint, between my folds; all the way up to my clit. Removing it, his lips once again met it; this time sucking gently. I had trouble laying still; my body already convulsing, even before I had climaxed. Releasing my hand, he put his arm over my belly, holding me in place.

His tongue took the same path his finger had; before he sucked one of my labia into his mouth, nibbling it; and chuckling at how my legs began to shake involuntarily.

“Lay still, Y/N”, he laughed up at me. “I…”, I gasped. “Just… shut up! More…”. I was panting. He chuckled again, moved his hand from my stomach to my breast; and moved on with the task at hand.

Kissing the area around my vagina, he payed attention to every part of it except the part I need him to concentrate on the most. My nub was throbbing, yearning for his touch.

“Rick!”, I mewled, and tugged at his hair.

I heard him groan, and suddenly he latched on to my clit, sucking; while he inserted two fingers into me, curling them. Gasping, I looked down at him, meeting his brown eyes. His pupils were blown, and he moaned in to me.

His fingers relentlessly coaxed me towards my climax; finding that perfect spot inside me that made my whole body feel on fire.

He suckled deeply at me, then – noticing how my muscles began to tense up – let go. “Now”, he breathed, latched back on to me; and curved his hand into a position that made me feel like we were permanently attached to each other.

I could literally see stars. My whole body convulsed; and my back arched. All the while Rick kept on suckling at me, and using his fingers to draw everything out of me that he could. I held on to the mattress; in a weird way convinced that if I didn’t, I would fall of the face of the planet. Ricks fingers kept bending and stretching, and then bending again; stroking and coaxing.

I squealed breathlessly, shaking. It felt like electricity coming from inside me, moving out my vagina; but in stead of the current knocking me out, it was the one thing keeping me alive.

And – without knowing it – I smiled.

My body gave a final convulsion, as Rick let go of me with his mouth; his fingers still inside of me.

I gasped loudly, laughed, and tried to meet Ricks eyes. His whole face was one big question mark.

“Y/N?”, he said; and looked down at the fingers he could now see, but also could still feel were inside of me. “What?”, I panted, completely out of breath. “You’re, uhm… you’re gone”.

He sat there on his knees, two fingers curved. I could still feel him inside me. I suddenly realized what had happened.

“Oh”, I began. “Oh my god. I’m so sorry. That is…”.

I reappeared, covering my face with my hands. “I can’t believe that just happened”.

“Y/N, no don’t worry about it”, he smiled at me. “It’s fine”. “That has never happened to me before”, I groaned into my hands. “This is so embarrassing”.

He pushed my hands away from my face with his free hand, and stroked my cheek. “Hey, really. It’s fine”, he chuckled. “If anything, I take it as a compliment”.

I gave an embarrassed laugh, and looked down.

“Uhm, Rick?”, I said. “You’re still… uhm…”.

He looked down at his hand, and – realizing where his fingers still were – he flushed pink himself, and gently drew his fingers out of me.

I curled up into a seated position on the mattress, pulling the blanket around me.

“Well that was a party foul”, I said, still embarrassed. Rick put his arm around me, lifted my chin, and kissed me. “Not at all”, he smiled. “You have any idea how goddamn hot it is, that I could make you do that?”, he said, and kissed me again, before whispering into my ear.

“Makes me wonder what other parts of me would look like, in the same position”.

I frowned. “That’s weird”. “It’s kinky”, he gasped, faking indignation. “It’s weird. You’re weird”, I said, and shook my head.

“Fine”, he said, exasperated, and paused for a second. “So… we’re not gonna try to find out?”, he teased with a smirk.

I giggled. “Maybe some other time. It takes up a lot of energy I’d like to use elsewhere right now”, I said, and looked up at him.

His lips parted, and his breath hitched. I merged my fingers behind his neck, drawing him in for a warm kiss; before sliding one hand down his naked chest, and taking a moment to stroke across his abdomen.

He was warm, and he wrapped his arms around me under the blanket, as goosebumps had emerged from the chill of the room.

I moved my hand further down, continuing the task of undoing his pants. Once opened, he pushed them down and off of his legs, along with his boots. He was left in his boxer-briefs, and I cupped his bulge; once again relishing in the memory of how his penis had felt inside me a few nights before. Sliding my hand under his waistband, gripping his length; our kiss deepened, and he pulled his face away from mine to gasp, as I started pumping him slowly.

He leant over me, laying me down again. “I can’t wait anymore”, he breathed, and pulled of his underwear quickly, positioning himself between my legs. With his fingers, he spread my wet folds, and slid into me; our eyes never breaking contact.

We simultaneously moaned. “Still beautiful”, he croaked, and I smiled.

A hand behind my head, his elbow supporting him, to avoid putting all of his weight on me; he lifted my leg, and put it around his torso. He bucked into me forcefully, making me squeak in a very unladylike manner. He smirked at me.

“This is a good look on you”, he said, moving his hips to pump into me slowly. “What?”, I panted. “Fucked senseless?”. “You don’t seem quite senseless yet”, he chuckled, and bucked his hips again; bottoming out.

My eyes rolled back, and I mewled. He continued his slow torture; thrusting slowly – drawing sounds from me I’d never heard coming out of my mouth before. “Ffuu… mhmm… Rick”, I moaned; and put my hands on his bottom, trying to force his delicious feeling member as far into me as possible. “I’m right here, kit… Aahh!”, he groaned, as I scratched my nails down his back. “You’re playing with fire”, he gasped, and dug his fingers into my butt cheek, making it sting with sweet pain.

He suddenly pulled out of me, gathered my legs; and spanked me hard once; then stroked his fingers across my aching folds. Putting both my knees over his shoulders, and holding on to my thighs; he pushed into me again, all the way, with a forceful movement. “Let me know if this is to rough”, he said, and looked at me apologetically.

“Shut up, and get back to work, soldier”, I answered, and smirked.

He raised an eyebrow at me. “That’s colonel to you”, he said; leant over – almost folding me in half – and bottomed out again.

“Sir, yes, Colonel Flag, sir!”, I moaned, almost instantly climaxing around him. The feeling of my walls beginning to clench around him, made him groan. He continued thrusting into me in this position for a while, before getting on his knees, once again holding on to my thighs; so that my butt was lifted from the mattress.

I was mewling in pleasure. I simultaneously felt that I was being lifted into the air, and falling down a deep hole. Down, down, down. Will the fall ever come to an end?. I was delirious.

Rick let go of my thigs, and my legs fell to either side of him. He was panting, straining to hold back. I could see his muscles tensing up, and hear his breathing grow more erratic.

He leant down over me again, continuously thrusting into me. I put my arms around him, one hand in his hair again, holding on to whatever I could to keep our bodies close.

He put a hand on either side of my face, and our lips met again, tongues melding for a few thrusts, before he looked me into the eyes. “Together?”, he panted. I nodded.

With a loud groan he increased his speed; our bodies so close that his pubic bone was stimulating my clit with our movements. I continuously rolled my hips, matching Ricks movements in and out of me.

The stars were returning before my eyes, and I let out a sound, letting Rick know I was close. He moaned in response; and bottomed out one last time; grabbing on to my shoulders, to force himself into me as far as he could.

Our bodies felt like we exploded together. The current I had felt before was back; this time fusing us together in pulses matching our heartbeats. My core spasmed around him. I felt his member twitch inside me, and his body convulsing on top of me.

Then we both melted. He relaxed his muscles, and rolled onto his back, pulling me with him, so that I was laying on his chest; our bodies still conjoined by our still convulsing nether regions.

“You’re gonna be the death of me, woman”, he said hoarsely, and I chuckled in response.

He pulled the blanket over us, and kissed the top of my head. I readjusted my body, and he slid out of me with a silent gasp.

“I’m gonna need a shower after that one”, I smiled. He laughed in response. “I don’t think there are any showers in the building, but”, he said, reaching for his pants on the floor, “I think I have some wet-wipes in my pocket”.

“Be prepared, huh? Such a good boy scout”, I teased. “Yeah, yeah. Laugh away”, he answered, and pulled out a pack of wipes.

While he prepared to clean himself of, I noticed something else having fallen out of his pocket. It was the polaroid that had been in my crate of gear back at Belle Reve. Looking at my smiling face on the picture; where I was standing with a foot on the seat of a folding chair, holding on to the back rest; and the other leg raised in the air above me – I bit my lip and blushed.

“You kept this?”, I asked quietly.

His face reddened. “Yeah. I couldn’t let them burn it”. I kissed him softly in response.

We fell asleep in each others arms. The last thing I heard was the sound of a helicopter flying across the night sky outside the window.

Tag list:

@gloriousgam3r��

@hyp-oh-critical

#rick flag #rick flag x reader #rick flag fic #rick flag imagine #suicide squad fic #suicide squad imagine #harley quinn #deadshot #captain boomerang #rick flag smut

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fallout-lou-begas · 4 years ago

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Questions for OC Creators

Shamelessly stole this from @tarberrymentats‘ post because I’m always a sucker for behind-the-scenes character inspiration and meaning stuff, so if you steal this in turn, feel free to tag me!

(I’m also stealing Halk’s usage of lovely art by @yesjejunus for this one 🖤)

Agnes Sands, Courier Six of the Mojave Express

A) Why are you excited about this character?

Agnes was an opportunity to create what felt like a very unorthodox OC, and it’s an opportunity that has certainly paid off. She’s not young, and she’s not a particularly pleasant or easygoing person to be around, but she’s also not the endearingly tragic loner type or a badass army-of-one. She’s not “spunky” or “fun” and isn’t the kind of Fallout character who’s necessarily motivated to do every quest, meet every companion, accomplish every thing. She’s not an important person; being an important person is anathema to her, and the looming, overarching themes of It Keeps Right On a-Hurtin’ are these ideas of the hard limits on unlikely heroism, and how you really can’t fly that far on circumstance and luck. I’m very excited for everyone to see how it goes when the going gets tough.

Furthermore, the design and writing process for Agnes was very informed by finding justifications, reasons, and origins for all of her personality traits, skills, and various hang-ups. The result is a character that feels, to me, so deeply real and well-rounded and alive, that Agnes is a person who has lived every one of her 34 years of age, and that in each of those years were key developments that molded her into the person she is. When I write her, I feel like I know her because of how intimately I’ve researched and come to understand the life she’s led. I don’t want to say it comes effortlessly, but there’s a very genuine, sculpted depth to her character that I’m proud of, and it forms the bedrock of It Keeps Right On a-Hurtin’.

It is also very important to me that Agnes is a trans woman, and is a trans woman who looks the way she does with a strong jaw and a big nose and long face and a wide body and hairy arms and so many other “masculine” features, because I wanted to create a character with a very real, visceral, visible transness to them, and for this transness to be a meaningful part of her character that informs her relationship to other people and the scarce world of the Mojave Wasteland instead of just an auxiliary character trait. She is no less of a woman for existing the way she does, but I simply wasn’t interested in creating a character or interpreting the Mojave Wasteland in a way that wouldn’t meaningfully grapple with what it really feels like, to me, to be a trans woman.

B) What inspired you to create them?

Many of Agnes’ character traits actually come from mechanical and specialization decisions that I play in game. I often joke that Agnes “just plain sucks,” but it’s true that in my Fallout: New Vegas game, I have encumbrance set to a measly 25 lbs without backpacks (necessitating her shoulder-slung duffel bag), use a directional flashlight instead of the Pip-Boy light (necessitating the shoulder-mounted flashlight), play with dramatically decreased total S.P.E.C.I.A.L. and skill points per level (which is why she’s so bad-to-average at most things except key specialties), and so on. This was the most obvious level of inspiration, and much of Agnes’ personality and backstory is reverse-engineered to justify the aspects of her character suggested and represented by her mechanical stats.

C) Did you have trouble figuring out where they fit in their own story?

Epiphanies have come over time, but ultimately I more or less hammered out Agnes’ whole “story” upfront. I have a detailed character bible saved away that covers not only her entire life pre-courier, but the story beats of her experience as the courier thrown into the center of the events of Fallout: New Vegas and the seismic geopolitical power plays leading up to the second battle of Hoover Dam. So, uh, stay tuned for each new issue of IKROAH!

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

I wouldn’t say that I’ve meant to meaningfully change her appearance over time, but as I’ve been working on the comic, I’ve simply gotten better at drawing and the result has been an Agnes that more consistently looks like how I want her to look. One deliberate change to her appearance has been that her hair is a lot fluffier and voluminous than it used to be, just because a few other peoples’ fanart of her would be like that and I really liked how it looked.

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

Hard to say. Agnes has such a defensive, prickly, and particular personality and is so shy and anxious that she’s someone very hard to get along with in general, regardless of who you are. Cass could only ply her through a combination of drunken genuineness and total embarrassment that razor-cut right to her trauma. I don’t think I’d have the...audacious wherewithal to be that blunt with her if we’d just met. The best case scenario is that she imprints on me as a younger trans woman and feels compelled to look out for me because if there’s one soft spot she has, it’s that.

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

Pride at the amount of work I’ve put into developing her and crafting her story so far, pride at how it’s been such a rewarding and enjoyable vehicle for getting so much better at art and writing since this summer, and occasionally sadness just because, man, I really let her fucking have it sometimes, huh.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

Her solitary lifestyle made it necessary to find a way to write Cass into the story, just so that there would be some more dialogue while she traveled. She has a lot of interpersonal flaws, her habit of going from totally reclusive and private to hollering mad with no steps in between would certainly be off-putting to me especially. She gets a bad, sad, crying kind of angry, and she doesn’t get there quick but she goes get there suddenly.

H) What trait do you admire most?

She has a dedication to her and a commitment to what she’s good at. She understands the value of stability, good work and a good job. Sometimes this value is so much to her that it keeps her stagnant, and she’s very much a person who’s stuck in their ways in so many regards, but there’s a resilience to her that may not be obvious at first, but that she simply wouldn’t have gotten this far or survived without.

I) Do you prefer to keep them in their canon universe?

Agnes’ story is so tailored to the source material of Fallout: New Vegas that I thought that transplanting her into other AUs would be difficult, but it’s actually been pretty seamless inserting her into the a modern AU with a few friends called Courier House, where instead of being a courier, she kept up her medical training and works as an EMT. That also spun off into a modern zombie AU, which is just fun and tragic in a lot of juicy ways.

I also have a lot of thoughts on an AU in which she makes it to the Commonwealth, in which she’d become Nick’s partner at the eventually-renamed Valentine and Sands Detective Agency, helping to solve cases of burglary and theft, B&E, and advises on various security concerns. She’d also get extremely invested in tracking down missing children. There are a lot of parallels and dramatic development potential between Agnes Sands and Nick Valentine that I’d kill for more time to explore one day.

J) Did you have to manipulate or exclude canon factors to allow them to create their character?

I didn’t have to, no, but I chose to and at least filled in some holes. My theory on transitional health care in the wasteland is all my own (the Followers are the primary manufacturer and distributor of hormones, which can be inefficiently synthesized from Auto-Docs so they’re not impossible to find but are considerably rare) and I’ve taken some liberties in the IKROAH canon so far for convenience, such as Primm never getting taken over by convicts and the Cassidy Caravans buyout offer being a letter at the Mojave Express instead of something she’d have had to get personally from Alice McLafferty later on. Expect a lot more little twists like this in the future.

#agnes sands #ikroah meta

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ectonurites · 4 years ago

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a very very genuine question: so its bad to repost art but no one says anything when people repost things from the source material/creator's sketches.....why?like sure everyone who likes it may recognize the style but there are plenty of fan artists i recognize immediately, new or old art, with or without. to me it just feels the same, like either dont repost art or people should be able to repost stuff, i dont see how they can work at the same time. and this isnt me saying people should be allowed to repost and all that bc i do understand the theory of why reposting hurts artists, just that the logic doesnt seem to fit once it extends to famous artists/creators. just bc its official and easily recognizable makes it okay? how does that work? again, there are plenty of fanartists who are easily recognizable and lose no money when people repost their work (bc they posted it for free) and from my own observation, it seems it just, somehow, makes them want to do art less (from what i have read from artists themselves). why do we not consider that when it comes to official creators? wouldnt they also feasibly be less motivated seeing their hard work plastered across the internet for free when thats the sole way they make their income? and its not a system where its solely sticking it to the man bc it hurts the artists income, as well. but if it makes them happy to see people enjoying and sharing their work with others, drawing interest, why isnt it the same with fan artists? people often repost art, not out of malice or intent to claim credit, but bc they enjoy it + want to share it, esp on social media where sharing isnt a feature (instagram, for example) again im not trying to justify reposting, just confused about the contradiction

First of all instagram does have a form of sharing posts- stories. Which yes they are temporary by default, but you can use the highlight feature to collect your favorite things you’ve shared from people right there on your own profile AND it links back to the original post and can permanently be on your profile as long as you keep it there. You can even label them and everything! But then moving on to answering more of your actual questions

To start: this is a very complicated thing. And I feel everyone trying to answer it might have slightly varied opinions.

I personally see a pretty clear distinction between ‘Officially published/released’ works (like comic book [as like you’ve probably seen I frequently post comic panels] or other materials that may have been released in creator guides, official video game art, promotional art for things, etc etc) as opposed to like, personal work and fanart. Because with official works:

There’s usually a source to buy it and you should if you’re referencing it a ton (while I don’t own every comic I’ve ever read I do have a lot and if I did read something first through illegal means [because some comics are just straight up hard to find due to age/being out of print] and enjoyed it I try to seek out a physical copy after if possible)

There is a level of far wider recognition (I know you personally might find fanartists’ styles recognizable but like, things that are in mainstream media.. have just such a higher profile. it’s not really comparable)

If you’re not supporting the official release you’re harming the big company that published it far more than the individual artist (like, the individual artist probably also wouldn’t appreciate it, because it can effect them for sure as well, but they’re not gonna be taking the brunt of the damage unless it was entirely self-published work, which I’d definitely categorize differently from what I’m mainly talking about here.)

Often fanartists/professional artists who aren’t that well known, in addition to wanting to just create work for the sake of it, also want to build their own platform, to have an audience that they interact with. Or like, if they’re offering commissions, a bigger platform puts you in a position where people will actually see the art and want to commission you. When you say reposts of smaller artists’ fanart doesn’t ‘loose them money’ because they didn’t charge to post it, you’re missing the fact that it makes them loose out on proper linked-back-to-them exposure. Especially like, when a repost account on insta or something says ‘ah yes credit to [username] on tumblr’ the vast majority of people who see it aren’t going to then open up a whole different website and look for the artist. Some people might! but if there’s anything i’ve learned from working professionally in arts marketing it’s that people want things that are convenient and directly in front of them. Someone who wants to see more works because they liked one is significantly more likely to click on the username of someone who posted it rather than opening up a browser or a different app and searching a separate name put in the caption.

Then honestly, I do feel weird about reposts of professional artists’ more personal works unless the artist has stated they’re fine with people reposting with credit. It should be about the comfort level of the artist. I think a lot of professional artists who aren’t in a position where they’re as worried about building a platform, because they already have one and might have professional connections/opportunities already lined up, might not really care about reposts especially on a website they don’t use. (Like tumblr. I’m coming at this mostly from a comics artist perspective here, but most professional artists I see are waaaay more active on twitter and instagram than tumblr) If it’s a website they don’t use, it’s not taking away from the platform they had been building there for themselves. And also, some artists really just don’t give a shit, which is their choice they can make with their work! But that’s not a universal thing. One artist being fine with their personal art being reposted =/= all artists being fine with it.

In my own experience as a fanartist, when I see my art reposted without credit, especially when it’s art I’ve also already posted on the same platform... it’s definitely disheartening. Even worse is when the repost gets even more attention than my original post. (something that has happened to me multiple times!) Like, it can get so upsetting! Because it lets me know that someone else was using my art to build their platform and I got exactly zero benefit out of it. Then when it’s reposted with credit it’s a little less annoying, but I still don’t... get much out of it. Especially if it’s an instagram repost and they credit my tumblr not my account on there, since insta captions don’t actually do links unless it’s to other insta accounts. Also with insta for example, I have a 'business’ account set up so I can look at and track popularity of my posts and see how they’re doing as something to keep in mind when considering posting times, etc etc. When other people repost my art there I have no control over it. That sucks a lot! Also, when I quite literally ask people not to repost my art (it is IN! MY! DESCRIPTION!) and they still do, it’s just straight up disrespectful. I asked for a boundary to be respected with my work and people have just completely ignored it. That doesn’t feel good at all.

But, conversely, I’m gonna talk about my more professional irl work for a sec. I’m a graphic designer, so I do things like posters, logos, etc, When I design a poster for a client that is meant to be advertising something, even if it’s got my own original illustration or something as part of it, I know my name isn’t necessarily going to be attached to it the same way as it is with my personal work. I get a credit line somewhere, but that’s in a fine print probably not even on the poster itself at all, but that’s like, part of what I signed up for. I already get paid separately, I am giving permission for my work to be out of my own hands in that way. Professional work for a client is often setup in some way similar to this. I don’t get mad when I walk down the street and see a poster I made up somewhere without it directly ‘linking’/referencing back to me (aside from maybe my signature if it had an illustration), in fact I go ‘OMG ITS THERE ugh wait i see one pixel is off oh noooooo” and then move on with my day. It’s just an entirely different situation because that kind of work has a different arrangement from the start, where you know it’s going to be put in a different type of circulation.

So yeah, my word isn’t god here, but I definitely see official releases as having a different set of permissions based on the fact that they are published in an entirely different situation. And I think reposts of personal art aren’t cool if the artist isn’t okay with them, no matter how big a platform they have. Other people probably approach this with a slightly different perspective, but that’s mine!

#sorry this is long #but also 🤷‍♂️#Anonymous

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babbushka · 4 years ago

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Hello darlin'! For this beautiful Sinday I'd love some sweet (and maybe a lil saucy) shenanigans with our boy taking 007 to one of his many hideouts for a weekend and showing his best jewelry creations, letting her pick her favorite, and just being the cutie that he is. Thank you love youuuu

Anonymous said: Thank you for all the writing to come today! I don’t have anything specific, but I’d love it if you could please do Kylo being possessive, protective, or wanting to stake a claim on you lol. Thank you!

(1.6k NSFW; fingering/mirror shenanigans)

You’re grateful for your trained poker face, when he lifts his hands from your eyes. You didn’t know where you were, both in terms of where in this mansion and where in the world, as Kylo had whisked you away abruptly for one of his rest trips that he has begun to steal you for with rapidly increasing occasion.

The room is bulletproof, that much you can tell. Steel walls, and most likely steel flooring underneath the beautifully plush carpeting. The walls themselves are padded with black velvet and designed to resemble that of a museum, with little lights illuminating all sorts of shelves, and the jewelry which is placed proudly on display in them.

He has led you here from his bedroom with boyish excitement and charm, and you had followed, and you are doing your best now to not openly gasp and the glittering array of jewels before you.

“If you brought me here to show off,” You whisper, for any other volume feels inappropriate in the presence of such sheer wealth, “Consider your mission successful.”

Kylo chuckles softly at that as he walks away from you. You don’t know what to touch, where to even look, where to go or what to do, so you just stand there as Kylo goes over to a control panel in the wall.

“Good to know, but no, I’ve got far more sinister plans for you.” He hums playfully, and you try your best to tear your eyes away from the millions of dollars worth of necklaces, bracelets, tiaras, rings, and earrings in this room.

“Oh do tell Kylo, your plans are always quite…involved.” You try your best, but still you fail, because he has just flicked a few switches on the panel.

The switch automated cabinet doors and drawers, and suddenly more jewelry is revealed to you, and you do gasp now, for you were certain you’d never seen such a collection in your entire life – and you’d seen quite a few collections.

It’s not surprising, not really, considering he is a world renowned jeweler. His diamonds are fitted into pieces made for royalty all across the globe, for celebrities, for the ultra rich and famous. They are distinctly opulent, and they are distinctly Kylo Ren. Still, it’s dazzling, the way they refract the light so beautifully, dizzying.

Even more dizzying when he says, “Pick anything.”

You fold your arms across your chest and shake your head in disbelief, eyes wide.

“You can’t mean that.” You protest, but Kylo simply takes a step towards you and smooths his palms up your arms, gives you a very serious look for a moment, looks so deep into your soul that you’re almost afraid of what he’ll find there.

“I never say something I don’t mean.” He replies, before he’s lighthearted once again and walking around the room, arms spread wide in a grand gesture of theatrics. “Anything in this entire room is yours for the taking, should you want it.”

“No.” You say suddenly, an idea of your own forming.

“No?” Kylo frowns, grows shy. You’d never rejected one of his gifts before, and the strange disappointment flits across his face for a moment, but he doesn’t understand your meaning.

“No I don’t mean no no, just, ” You try to explain, “Only let me pick one. And then, if I’m good, perhaps I’ll get to come back again and pick something else.” You bite your lip ever so slightly, hoping he catches on.

Hoping that he hears your words, hears how you don’t want this to be a one and done moment in time, hears how you want him to keep whisking you away, keep stealing you from life’s responsibilities, keep hiding you away on remote islands all for himself. You stare at one another, and he blushes beautifully, all the way to the tips of his ears, because he hears it, he hears you.

“You’re right, of course. Just one, whichever is your favorite.” He replies, and you smile at him meaningfully, before taking a turn around the room.

You can barely bring yourself to touch these gems, for upon closer inspection they’re not just diamonds, but rubies and sapphires, emeralds and pearls, in a cascading range of colors from deep rich tones to just hints of tints and everything in between.

Picking up a piece here or there, you raise it up to your eye, and the way the world splits into facets through it is mesmerizing.

“What are you looking for?” Kylo asks, genuinely curious as he leans casually against the wall by the panel.

“Tracking devices, hidden cameras, microphones – the usual.” You joke, and that elicits an amused hum from him as he makes his way over to where you are, near the section of diamond rings on black velvet posts.

“You’ll find none of that here, I promise.” He asks for your hand, and you give it to him. He picks up a random diamond ring, something simple, nothing too outrageous in design aside from the sheer size of the stones. He slips it easily onto your index finger, and it fits perfectly, like he knew just your size and made it for you. “Nothing but beauty for a beauty.”

He turns you both around to face a mirror, where he tucks himself behind you, rests his chin on your shoulder. Kissing up and down the exposed area of your throat, Kylo molds himself to your body, nothing but warmth and strength, firm muscle.

“You like seeing me in your designs, is that it?” You tease, only in jest, but when he eyes go dark and they glitter the same way these diamonds do, your breath catches in your throat.

“I like the world seeing you in them better.” He replies very seriously, his broad hand skimming up up up your thigh, pushing the mini-skirt of your dress up with it.

“Ah of course.” You let yourself relax in his embrace, as his hand slips past your panties and his fingers immediately dip between your folds. Coaxing out slick from your pussy, they crook inside of you, making you take in a sharp inhale, “I –oh, oh Kylo.”

“One look at this and the entire gala would know where you got it, they’d know I gave it to you special.” Kylo’s fingers are so big and thick, they fill you up deliciously, so well that the hand which bears the diamond ring flies down to hold onto his wrist, keeps him there as you lean back back back against his body.

He holds you tight with his other arm as his fingers thrust slowly in and out of your pussy, nothing but the sound of hot breathing in your ear, nothing but the sound of your moans panting and bouncing against the walls of the room as his massages your clit and makes your knees buckle.

“Tell me Kylo, is that something you want? You want them all to know that I’m special? That I’m yours?” You manage, egging him on, spurring him on. The very thought of it has his hand grinding up against your cunt, has his fingers seeking out your gspot while his thumb rubs at your clit and makes you see stars.

“Are you?” Kylo sucks on your neck, sucks bruises and marks there that claim you as his own, sucks and bites and soothes the sting of pleasure pain with his tongue as he drags moans out of your throat, “Are you mine?”

“I don’t b-belong to anyone – oh yes!” You stammer out, your eyes shut tight and your mouth drops open, and Kylo’s cock is achingly hard in his pressed trousers from the sight of it, from your reflection in the mirror.

He can picture it now, the way you’d look in his bed wearing nothing but his diamonds, the way you’d look descending a grand staircase somewhere in Vienna or Argentina or Australia, the way everyone would stop and turn and stare, knowing that someone had just taken you apart, and that someone was him.

“I know, but if you did, would it be me?” He begs, begs in the way his fingers speed up, the way that he collects your slick and smears it back and forth all across your pussy, fucks it back into you for lubrication, kisses and bites at the shell of your ear as he does, as you grow ever closer to your orgasm.

“If I did, then yes – yes, yes, yes Kylo!” You’re shouting, shouting out your pleasure and relief as you come on his hand, as your body shudders and your knees give out and he has to hold onto you so you don’t fall, his hand leaving your pussy regretfully so he can turn you back around and crush you to his chest.

When Kylo kisses you, you melt into it, melt into the way that you both know that you’re each other’s forever, forever and ever. You kiss until the aftershocks of pleasure disappear, and all you’re left with is the glow of an orgasm that settles deep in your ribs.

You decide that the ring, though randomly selected, is you favorite in the room. You never want to take it off, you want it to live on your index finger for as long as you live, and this makes him happy beyond belief. But it’s time to go now, he tells you, as he sucks off your come from his hand and once clean, uses it to blindfold you as he walks you out of the room.

You’ll be back, you both know, back to this room, this island, wherever you are.

You don’t know where you are, but you are with Kylo Ren, and that is enough.

#kylo ren x reader #kylo ren/reader #kylo ren x you #kylo ren/you #kylo ren smut #kylo ren imagine #kylo ren fluff #james bond au #bond au #summer wine #steeevienicks #cowboy answers

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psychcomposer · 3 years ago

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Alright, I have too many feelings about a video game that’s going to come out in a month that I really just need to get out. It’s been over a decade and one of my favorite games, The World Ends With You, is finally getting a sequel. I’ve been brooding on the trailers for months, and I just finished the demo, so it is time to put down my capital T Thoughts on Neo: The World Ends With You.

As a warning, this will be entirely too long. But I’m not about to keep this bound up any longer.

TWEWY is my favorite title for the Nintendo DS. It is a JRPG starring Neku Sakuraba, an aggressively antisocial teen living in the Tokyo district of Shibuya. He is suddenly pulled into a test of survival called The Reaper’s Game, where he is forced to join forces with a partner in order to survive a week of lethal objectives in a sub-planar version of Shibuya. I love the story, its such an honest and interesting take on learning to get outside of your comfort zone. But more than that, it is a game that does so much to put a modern twist on every piece of your typical JRPG. You control two characters at once, Neku with the touch screen and his partner with the control pad, forcing you to split your attention and giving mechanic weight to the idea that Neku can’t survive alone. Armor and weapons are replaced with clothes and outfits, with a character’s ability to wear them restricted not by class but by a character’s bravery. The music list is filled with punk, alt-rock and hip-hop that are a stark contrast to the symphonic tracks of other titles. Battles aren’t random impediments, but fun diversions that sport a robust reward system that encourages players to push their limits.

But even more than that, the most modern thing I appreciate about TWEWY has to be the characters. Neku, Shiki, Beat, and Rhyme all feel like believable teens that grew up in the 2000′s. They bicker, clash, and banter like teens struggling to survive and make sense of their situation. One of my favorite little gimicks of the story is just how many nicknames there are for every character. Almost everyone has earned a few nicknames. One of my favorite examples is Sho Minamimoto. He’s a reaper with an obsession with math, often infusing his speech with mathematical jargon or expressions, and seems to enjoy erecting “art installations”, which most people can only decipher as towers of trash. Over the course of the story, he gets called Pi-face, the Grim Heaper, and another nickname I can’t even mention because of spoilers. It’s just... such a nice little human touch, these kids throwing crafted insults at a human enforcer of their doom that could almost certainly tear them apart.

I’m getting into this to try to give a sense of why I enjoy TWEWY so much, why it has such a unique place in my heart. Its a game I’ve 100% completed several times over, a task that’s no easy feat with the sheer amount of collectibles and post-game objectives. Unfortunately, for the last year or two, I’ve been kind of dreading this sequel.

Neo:TWEWY has been... a long time coming. Way back in 2007 they had a whole website counting down to some sort of announcement, with the music slowly building in intensity. I remember following it with bated breath, until it finally hit zero! And we got... An ios port of the game. Talk about a let-down. To be fair, apparently it is a solid port, even managing to re-work the old battle system, one that required a second screen to work properly, into one that only needed one. But what that really offered to someone like me was the hint of a sequel, a single image of a new character being shown. They kept flirting with the idea of bringing the series back. The main cast even featured in a Kingdom Hearts game, of all things, even if they didn’t really do a whole lot. But these acknowledgments grew sparser and sparser.

A few years ago, they released a switch port of the game. Not only that, it included an epilogue! They were finally getting a sequel rolling! Of course I bought that game, beat it yet again, and fought my way to the new content and the hint of the new story ahead.

It was... Well. I found it disappointing.

The gameplay was competent, even if it was clear that the epilogue itself really hadn’t had too much put into it. One new character, new enemies just being reskins of old ones. It wasn’t meant to be dlc itself or anything, it was just there to herald a return to the series. That wasn’t what bugged me. What bugged me was the writing. It was heart-wrenching. It just didn’t feel right. It just felt flat compared to the story I’d enjoyed so many times. But what really killed my excitement was the new character, Coco.

Now, odd personality quirks are not too unusual among the ensemble of TWEWY. Pi-face is just one of the characters that is so infused with a particular theme that it shows in how they express themselves. It’s part of the charm of them, discovering the personalities that live in this dark underworld of Shibuya. But Coco... she talks like the most stereotypical young teenager possible. unironic lols, totez (yes, spelt exactly like that, in a speech format), OMG’s, and just, like, likes everywhere! It felt like someone who knew they needed to make a quirky character but had no idea how to write one well, and just made the most stereotypical caricature possible. I hated seeing that. It embodied every fear I had about the sequel being just a cynical project, pushed forward after so many years by people who just didn’t understand what made the original great. That mild dread was so persistent that even the release of the first few trailers couldn’t really get me excited for the game. Neo:TWEWY was shifting into 3d from the original 2.5d, with all the problems that could cause. What I could see of the story felt so much more like a generic fantasy tale with some modern buildings than the story I had grown through my teenage years with. And, well... Just look the original Neku and the new one they showed off.

Look at this. Look at one of the most vibrant, eye-catching character designs on the market for any JRPG in history, one that manages to mix purple and orange with striking lights and darks. And then look at the teenager edgelord bullshit they did with him. It’s atrocious. I hate it. He’s just another guy in a black outfit and just too much fucking cool guy protagonist power to not have the story be about him at this point. And look, I know that there’s Story LoreTM, I know that there could be some twist that explains this, I know that him being such a denial of his old self could be the entire fucking point. But let me tell you, when I saw this, I felt years of shifting, misplaced unease coalesce into a hard lump of dread.

And... Even... So... I did the stupidest thing I could have possibly done and preordered the game anyway. Don’t look at me like that, nostalgia is a hell of a drug.

But you know what? The damnedest thing happened. They released a demo for the new game a month before its release. And I played it, and... I enjoyed it.

Did you see that coming? I certainly didn’t. Welcome to the roller coaster.

Right off the bat, the writing soothed a lot of the fears I had. It felt right at home, like being plopped between to teens exchanging banter. One of the first exchanges is Rindo and Fret, his best friend, trying to meet up. Fret wants Rindo to meet him at someplace called Wunafo, an area Rindo is clueless about. After some annoyed texting, it turns out Fret is actually referring to 104, a local landmark of a building. Fret insists that its a stylish improvement on the name. Rindo only gives him some grief about it..

I’m not doing the scene justice, or I could just be really desperate for half-decent writing, but I can’t deny that it quickly put a smile on my face. I am almost sure I’ve had this conversation before in years past myself. And beyond that, this game boasts voice acting that brings out a ton of personality in the large cast they are introducing (besides Rindo, which is a shame because he’s the protagonist... hopefully he gets over his apathetic teenager shtick eventually). Not everything is voiced, but it conveys so much appeal and personality, and even when the character’s aren’t voiced there is a conversation screen that occasionally breaks out some stylish layouts to convey mood and temperment and clearly draw from the style that made the original game pop so much.

The battles, of course, have been completely revamped. TWEWY had you control two characters, one of which you could customize by equipping up to 6 different pins that all used different motions and unleashed different attacks. Now you control up to four characters, but each one can only use one pin. But even so, it feels very genuine to its roots. An effective build in TWEWY was usually one that let you stagger an opponent so you can unload a bunch of attacks on them, and in Neo:TWEWY the game actively pushes you to folllow up attacks with characters in succession. It would be easy for this to devolve into a mash-fest, but even with the little time I had with the game it introduced a wrinkle in that- an attack that unleashed a single powerful blow, but couldn’t just be unleashed at the end of the previous combo. It needed to be charged for a while, long enough for the combo timer to deplete. So now an effective combo requires thinking ahead, and even after that you’re paying attention to enemies to dodge out of the way when they strike back. It’s entirely possible this system will flop in the late game, but so far it is robust enough for me to think that it will be one that could make me look forward to battles.

The music hasn’t impressed me so far, besides the tracks that have made the transition from the original. But I remember those strange tracks needing some time before I appreciated them too.

Finally, the story has hooked me. I don’t think that needs much more explanation. I want to see more of these characters and see the changes that have been made to the world in what I assume is years after Neku’s game. And to address the elephant in the room, Neku has not made his appearance in what is available in the demo. Odds are I will probably hate whatever they do with him. But there is enough happening in the space around it that I’m interested in exploring, and a bruised apple can still taste sweet.

Almost all of this, of course, is mostly just saying that Neo:TWEWY is not doomed to fail. There is still plenty of room for things to go wrong later on. There are entire systems I haven’t really seen in game, like shops, pin evolution, clothing and food (Though it looks like they have changed the food system significantly, which I approve of). The things that unnerved me so much in the trickle of information after this game’s announcement could still be enough to turn this sour. But I’m smiling as I’m strapping myself in for this ride now, one I’ve waited quite a long time for. Whatever’s coming, I’m excited.

#long post #TWEWY #Neo:TWEWY #The World Ends With You #Neo: The World Ends With You #Sorry for the length but #look this isn't even all the thoughts I have on this upcoming game #but I'm not sure if any of my followers even care about these games sooo #the original examination of the new stuff and a sequel compare/contrast kind of got lost when I got into my history with this series #but I like how this turned out #even if its just for me

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formulatrash · 5 years ago

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Could I get your opinion on Hamilton? Bc I feel like people either love him and are like he is the nicest person in the universe or hate him and think he’s the worst & tbh while he does seem genuinely good he’s also clearly willing to do quite a lot to win (2007) & I really doubt the Nico thing was one sided either way so... opinions.

Hello, anon - I got two of these so gonna answer this one rather than both .Lewis, man. Where the hell do you start with Lewis? Unquestionably one of the most talented drivers we have seen or will ever see on track. Not just for raw speed or ingenuity but with the way he has been able to adapt and learn across a changing era of cars - something a lot of the other drivers aspiring to GOAT status (Alonso, in particular) just haven’t been able to do.

People think of Lewis as having unquestionably the best car. But that’s a recent development (and not always true even then) - the last few years he and Jenson were at McLaren, they were wildly outperforming the cars with a really strong driver pairing. (and the order was a little less rigid then, in all fairness)

I’m nearly the same age as Lewis so I remember him when he was a novelty - when what people said was that there was this guy in the junior categories who was fast - and this was always prefixed - he was black.

People said he was stroppy, had cheating engines (there is no evidence of this, especially when you consider the budget he was working with) and that he had a bad attitude, he was never going to get to Formula One so why put him in your team, a kid like that couldn’t be a champion… in other words the extremely racialised term “uppity.” Like, have absolutely zero illusions on this front, people were not supportive.

Some were, obviously and for every hand up like the McLaren backing, the detractors got louder. So when Lewis took the GP2 title and moved up to F1, he had to come in hot and obnoxious. Especially with Fernando as his teammate. Especially with spygate about to wipe out any shine left on the mangled heap they’d made of the championship trophy that year.

And oh, the disqualification (for anyone not up to speed: the whole McLaren entry was excluded that season for allegedly spying on Ferrari) just validated the detractors: you see, he isn’t that good. He was cheating.

Lewis has a temper. I don’t mean that in the sense he’s an angry guy, at all, just that there is a certain length you can push him and he will eventually snap, like all of us - he’s not a robot. And if you have to prove yourself again and again and again, in tests way beyond what anyone else is being scrutinised on, knowing that it is unfair and having no way to get past them but to once again, obnoxiously, excel then you will occasionally also make the odd sniping comment.

I’ve never heard him say anything stroppier than he once threw a bit of a shit fit because he thought Jenson unfollowed him on Twitter, though - whereas the howling conniptions when he succeeds in whatever the latest arbitrary challenge someone has decided he must pass to be considered successful? Those continue to the day.

Lewis, of course, is now pretty zen. He’s spent a long time working on himself and has been repairing his relationship with his father (who used to be his manager until they somewhat explosively parted ways) and with old rivals. He’s been growing as a person and a driver, he’s been caring less about what people think. The Lewis now is very different to the Lewis even a few years ago - clearly a lot of self-reflection and space has happened, after what was years of charging around and also some - bluntly - horrible psychological shit which the Merc team definitely have to take some responsibility for because it was their success formula to set him and Nico against each other to push each other forwards.

And for all the bitterness between him and Nico, they were never, like, really loathing each other. Just couldn’t work together. I find it really ghoulish how eager the press is to see Carlos and Lando go the same way, asking when will you fall out? all the time like it wasn’t obvious both Lewis and Nico were in pretty horrible states during it. (I saw some of the aftermath via one of them and like, that’s some trauma right there :/)

Has Lewis had his controversies? For sure. Some of them I have been upset by - like when he posted an instagram story telling his nephew he couldn’t wear a dress. Thing about Lewis is that, especially as he’s got older, he doesn’t double-down on things like that, he goes away and reflects - and designed a range of skirts and modelled them for an interview where he was called on it, then went to Disneyland and walked round with his nephew wearing that princess dress he’d mocked him for. [warning: Daily Mail link sorry, only site that had the pics]

Yes, ideally he would not have been a prang in the first place but it is also very good to publicly show growth. Especially in F1.

I loved old, obnoxious fuckboy Lewis. He was the middle finger F1 needed showing - and his resilience to the number of times the press and the talking heads and the social circles of F1 tried to push him back down, only to spring back up with a blindingly-polished trophy… ah, you love to see it.

Lewis means more to me than almost any other driver - and like, I vibe heavily with several - because he is that outlier example who shouldn’t have been counted but who keeps forcing them to score him into the ledgers of history, even now.

Is it good having a vocal advocate for women and for LGBT rights, who isn’t scared to call out motorsports prejudices and racism, so prominently in the sport? Yes. It’s a hard truth that he had to get this level of success in order to gain a platform because no when Lewis speaks people have to listen and report it. Because if his Instagram story can turn into a scandal, it can also be a communications platform. It’s why he holds a lot of sway with Liberty Media.

Now Lewis’ rights to be in the sport are unassailable. So he can start on other fights he couldn’t take at the time - there’s a reason the F1 press still gives Wehrlein (who is one of the sweetest drivers I have ever worked with) the “uppity” treatment and it’s fucking sad. It’s so embarrassing to work in this industry that’s a thousand miles behind even other embarrassing industries on this global fucking shame.

Look, I don’t give a fuck about the whole GOAT thing because sport is a continuous cycle (err, most years) and so ‘all time’ is a dumb thing to put in an accolade. But Lewis is, in my opinion, the best Formula One driver we have ever witnessed the career of. He is devastatingly good, has honed himself to a level where mistakes are such a rarity they’re a headline in and of themselves.

To maintain that, year after year after year? It’s not human. It’s a man who’s pushed himself beyond the pinnacle of the sport because he has proven everything and still someone will be typing out some snide little piece, at the same time I am writing this, that Hamilton will never be the greatest because [arbitrary mathematics about how you can’t count three of his titles so we don’t have to respect him yet. Not yet. It’s not that we don’t respect him because of who he is. It’s just one last test….]

Does Lewis being so good at Formula One driving it’s not really comprehensible below the level of fellow world champion make other drivers bad? No. He’s not walking to the titles. And maybe one day someone will be better than Lewis. Maybe he won’t be on form this year, somehow, for the first time in years of racing - if it ever starts again. Maybe he’ll retire to make tracksuits and rescue dolphins.

I am glad he seems happy now. He looks incredible. Man gets hotter and nicer with every year and you absolutely love to see it. His growth in himself and the sport has been equally impressive and his transformative power, both in terms of pushing forward the sporting side and in terms of using his platforms for good, is awesome.

(Lewis doesn’t have to speak out about stuff; I know people think it’s naff or crass or obnoxious or preachy but he could just not - and he knows people’d bash him for something else)

That said, I wish he’d put some money into sponsoring some grass roots motorsport but that is literally my only beef with him. But yeah, we stan a complicated, evolutionary boy.

#F1 asks

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hillbillyoracle · 5 years ago

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Dealing with Stress When You Live in a Rough Place

This isn't necessarily tarot or shadow work, but I wanted to write a little bit about strategies I've found useful for dealing with my neighborhood in it's current state. All of this can apply to managing stress generally but I'm focusing on folks in my boat. I'm incredibly sleep deprived so it's going to be rambly - I'm warning you now. But hopefully this helps someone.

I've shared a little bit about what's been going on in other posts; we hear shootings at least weekly, people will play loud music so loud the window rattle really late at night, all out brawls have broken out in the parking lot, our neighbors bang against the walls even in the middle of the night, most our neighbors have made it clear they don't like us because we're gay, we've had our car broken into at least 2 in the last month, kids have taken to beating our cars with sticks, climbing on and under them, screaming in front of our house, beating on our door and running off - like y'all it's a lot!

I talk about this so folks can know where I'm coming from. Some folks read this and they're horrified, some folks are going to read that and be like fuck that's tame. How hard a situation looks really does depend on what your normal is and how you were raised. For me, it's pretty intense. I was raised in out in the country so I didn't grow up living really close to people like I have to here in the city. And country neighborhoods have their own brand of rough, do not underestimate it, but most of what I've compiled here is going to be about living in close proximity with other people in areas with high crime rates.

Mindset Shifts

The Sooner You Accept Your Lack of Control - The Better

And I mean really accept it. Not just intellectually understanding that there's not anything you can do, but getting as okay with that as you can manage. For folks who are already traumatized that's a whole lot harder to do. Living in a space that traumatizes you daily will also make that harder as time goes on. But it's been some of the most important work I've done while living in a place that this. Sometimes I cope by being very public about what I'm going through, sometime I cope by

Sensory Management is Not a Luxury, It is a Necessity

This has become overwhelmingly clear to me that sensory overload in rough neighborhoods is a wildly underdiscussed health issue. There's measurable health differences in people who are exposed to a lot of noise versus those who aren't. I'm autistic so this is something I have to do just to function but I've seen a huge shift in my girlfriend's mental health since living here too. Take it seriously and try to attend to it just like you would any other health concern, making it a part of your routine. This is where adapting Polyvagal strategies has come in handy.

Good is Still Good Even If There's a Ton of Bad

There are very few moments of pure joy in a neighborhood like this. One of the reasons that a gratitude practice has been genuinely helpful is that it's shown me how much good can get swept away in the tidal wave of crap in a place like this. So that I don't feel helpless or internalize how worthless places like this are designed to make you feel, I try to resist by reflecting on the good. IT helps me feel like my life still has meaning while I'm living here and it's not a waste to be right where I am right now.

I Am Not Failing Myself For Not Getting Sleep, Food, Safe, Etc

I'm lucky that we've been good on food but sleep and safety have been in short supply. I realized I often felt like I was a bad person for being in this situation where I couldn't sleep, I criticized myself for not being able to sleep through all the noise and getting worked up. I have to remind myself daily that I'm not failing myself for what I can't really control. I'm not a bad person because of what people around me choose to do.

Polyvagal Strategies Adapted

Nature

Ideally, when you're trying to regulate your nervous system, you'd want to get out into nature more. It's just flat out not accessible or safe to do so here. I'm lucky that my room faces a nice tree and when I'm getting stressed, I take some time to just sit and really look at it. I try to notice the details. I also really enjoy feeding birds on my window sill. I invested in a big bag of bird seed with some Christmas money that's lasted me at least a year now but I used to get bags for about 5 dollars at Kroger. If you can't get close to nature, lure it to you.

Need something totally free? You can also pull up livefeeds of bird feeders on YouTube. I used to watch them when I couldn't walk to put out birdseed. Still very helpful. Nature cams in general are great. Put on a nature doc like Planet Earth. Change your computer and phone backgrounds to have natural landscapes. Even just sketching landscapes and having landscape are around your space can help.

If you can buy some soil, dig some up, or swipe some from a public garden bed, you can grow some small plants on your window sill. You can grow a lot of seeds from vegetables and some fruits you get at the store. You can also collect seeds from trees and try to grow them (it's difficult, plant several at a time). Take cuttings of plants you can identify as safe. Extension services will also sometimes send seeds for free. Taking care of a plant really helps us spend more time in the restorative part of our nervous system.

Sound

At the intersection of sound and nature is nature noises. If you're trying to block out your neighbors anyways, nature noises are the best option. I've had the best luck rain and storm sounds. Water noises in particular have a calming effect on our nervous system. If I really need to block something out I'll layer a rain generator over some music I like (rain sounds + Elliot Smith = a vibe).

Music in general can have different activating and calming effects on our nervous system. Pay attention to what music activates you and makes you more likely to be in conflict with people when you listen to it and what music makes you more social. Physically relaxation is harder for me personally to gauge. As a person with trauma I can't always tell when my body is relaxing or not. So paying attention to how I treat others helps me check myself.

Temperature + Touch

When we're warmer, we tend to feel more socially connected than when we're cold. Put on some extra clothes, pile on the blankets, take a bath, or grab a space heater if you have one. It's worth increasing the temp a little if you're stressed. Too hot and we can begin to feel crowded out. So if you're feeling the need to flee, it's worth trying to cool off a little. I usually do this by splashing some cool water on my face.

While we crave touch from others, touch from ourselves also helps calm our nervous systems! Jin Shin Jyutsu has been super helpful for me. There are a few videos online. I recommend searching Facebook for a woman local to me - Jennifer Bradley. I took one of her in person classes before the pandemic and it's been very helpful especially around sleep. I think the only place she's got her recent videos up is on her Facebook page but they're worth tracking down. She's a very good teacher and just a very soothing presence in general.

There's some evidence that just imagining being hugged or held is calming on the nervous system. Some goes for imagining ourselves out walking in nature. Don't be afraid to spend time daydreaming!

Breath + Movement

A lot of unsafe neighborhoods make common advice like going for a walk completely out of the question. However, even just moving more around your space can help. Yoga has been very helpful to me. My partner finds bodyweight exercises really help her. Any movement you feel good doing counts. Including movement you imagine yourself doing as well.

Breathing is movement, or seems to have a similar effect at least. I really recommend checking out a few breath work strategies to use. You've always got your lungs on you so it's easy to use. I like the in for 4 counts, hold for 7, release for 8 pattern. Breath is a direct line to the nervous system and I try to do a breathing pattern several times a day just to regroup.

Cognitive Strategies

Journal Like Your Life Depends on It

I'm not joking. TMS journaling - journaling stream of consciousness very intensely for about 20-30 minutes and then destroying what you've written - has been key not only to me surviving this place but having fewer Fibro flares than when I was living in much calmer places. But honestly all journaling is helpful. I've been keeping a daily journal in Notion and that alone has been helpful. Making sure I've gotten as much as possible off of my mind throughout the day has helped so much. Find a journaling strategy that allows you to take the cognitive load of (or a few) and practice them as often as you can. Not into journaling? I used to take videos of myself talking into the camera and save or delete them depending on whether I wanted to come back to them. Are words rough? Draw your feelings or scenes as you saw them.

Find the Story That Works

There are a bunch of conflicting ideas about what the right view of trauma and the story of it is. I personally really hate any narrative that places me as a victim. For better or worse, I like to look at what I've learned in any giving situation. So in my current situation, when I'm overwhelmed, I remind myself that I'm only getting a glimpse of what some people in places like this go through. It's increasing my empathy and expanding my awareness which allows me to better serve others. It's made me more committed to keeping my materials accessible over profiting. There's been a lot of benefit when I frame it that way. And that works for me. If that story isn't helpful for you - work to find a frame to narrate your experiences - as they're happening - that help you feel more whole.

Conclusion

I'm not sure if these strategies will work for other people but I wanted to at least have something out there than people could hopefully find if they're struggling with the same thing. Basically, if you can't fix it - manage it. Find ways to make the experience less traumatic if you're able to. Manage your sensory input. Do what you can with what you have where you are. Too many folks will tell you that you absolutely have to change your material circumstances before you can address mental health but for many of us that's just not possible. Or in the words of one of my favorite Buddhist teachers, Robina Courtin, "If you can do something, do something, but if you can't, what are you going to do?"

#polyvagal theory #trauma #urban poverty #coping methods #coping mechanism

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