#it’s from a few months ago that’s probably why…

[changetyre]

Broken ⒾⓈⓌ

SUMMARY: You and Max are having trouble trying to grow your family and your daughters are affected by it. Part of the Verstappen Family Verse

WARNINGS: Angst, miscommunication, pregnancy issues, a smidge of smut at the end.

A/N: This was requested over on Wattpad. Despite the angst, this is one of my favorite parts of this series.

Max stretched out, his back feeling painful after carrying all the presents he'd bought up from the parking lot before stashing them in a high cupboard in the house where he was sure nobody would look. It was late and he'd spent most of the day out looking for gifts, although truly it was also an excuse to get some space since the environment at home wasn't the best right now. 

The house was quiet when he arrived, a good indicator the girls were already asleep in their room and you as well probably. Although only a few months ago there wouldn't be a day you wouldn't wait for Max before going to bed, physically unable to go to sleep without hearing his voice but lately things had changed and you and Max often went to bed without exchanging any words at all. 

Once he finally made his way to your bedroom he wasn't surprised to find you were in fact asleep, clothes scattered around the room which you also hadn't bothered to clean up. Max sighed, he was tired having not really had a day of relaxation since the season ended despite imagining he'd spend his winter holidays differently, that things would somehow get better. 

He proceeded to pick up the room a little bit making it a little more presentable before taking a quick shower and joining you in bed. While his skin screamed to feel yours Max didn't feel comfortable enough to do so anymore, not knowing how you'd react to him placing an arm around you like he had done every night since you'd gotten together..until a few months ago. 

The next morning Max woke up to find you'd woken up but stayed laying there simply staring up at the ceiling, he knew your mind was spiraling but truly didn't want to ask anymore knowing you'd shut him out.  

"Hey," Max asked. His voice almost felt too loud for the silence. 

"Hi." Your voice was barely above a whisper, the sound almost strange to him not used to hearing it often anymore. 

"How d'you sleep?" Max asked. 

"I'm gonna go make breakfast for the girls." you ignored his question avoiding eye contact as you left the room leaving no more space for conversation. 

Once Max got himself ready for the day he went out to join you for breakfast finding you'd already eaten and were in the process of washing the dishes. He'd be lying if he said this didn't hurt him but held back from saying anything not wanting to start an argument. 

The rest of the day was mostly spent in silence apart from the laughter and ruckus from your children there were no words exchanged between you and Max. At some point, Max left the house once more wanting space. 

"Mama," Ivy called you as you played with both your daughters in the balcony. 

"Yeah, baby." Your daughters naturally made you smile, probably the only time you showed any sort of emotion lately. 

"Do you and Papa not love each other anymore?" She asked. 

Your heart skipped a beat, the immediate urge to cry reaching your throat and you only hoped your eyes gave no indication to the sudden burst of emotion. You noticed the way Lea's smile also dropped at the question, her attention ready to hear your answer. 

"Uhm, of course we do baby why would you think that?" You asked hoping your shaky voice didn't worry your daughters. 

"Papa doesn't blink at you anymore...like dis mama." Ivy showed you by blinking her eyes hard three times just like her father used to do to you almost daily before. 

The reminder of this almost broke you, you began picking up the girl's toys making sure they weren't able to see your face properly as you began crying. "You don't have to worry girls, everythings okay with Papa and me." You lied to your daughters, and it was evident by the weakness of your voice but you weren't sure what else to say. 

"Mama, are you okay?" Lea asked this time, her voice filled with concern, she was growing up, she of course noticed things, possibly understood things a little more than her sister and you knew you were hurting her, hurting them both and thought of this killed you inside. 

"I'm fine Lea, why don't you take your sister to your room and watch a movie, I'm gonna shower." You tried your best to force a smile wiping your eyes with the back of your hand before facing your older daughter. 

Lea simply nodded not wanting to cause you more distress before taking Ivy's hand and guiding her away. Once they were gone you let yourself cry it out. 

Trying and failing to conceive another child had been more emotionally draining than you had ever imagined it would be. You and Max had tried, tried, and tired to the point making love to him wasn't exciting anymore, it was frustrating, full of desperation, and so eventually, you stopped. You stopped trying, stopped connecting, stopped loving.  

Silence seemed like the easiest solution, not willing to face the reality of it all. Drowning in your own thoughts was exhausting but it seemed like the better option since potentially hearing the way you let down your partner, your family was worse. 

But it was obvious now, it was obvious how much this was already hurting your family so you had to toughen up now, muster enough strength to talk to Max, talk to your husband, and face whatever was next for you, whether good or bad it had to better than letting your daughters see the way things were falling apart between you. 

___________

Max once again came home to silence, he could hear the TV on in the girl's room and he didn't want to go to his room so instead decided to try to wrap up the presents in secret while he had the time. 

Max was semi-successful, his daughters had walked out of their room and been insistent on wanting to know what Max was doing despite him telling them several times to go back to their rooms and his patience was wearing thin. 

He was only able to get them to stay in their rooms after promising them a play date with their uncle Lando on the weekend if they behaved. Finally knowing they would stay in their rooms Max took the time to try to hide the gifts again so he could put them under the tree by the end of the month. 

He'd headed to the bathroom and when he came back anger and frustration flooded him at seeing Lea helping Ivy up to the counter to try to open the cupboard where he'd stashed the gifts. 

"LEA!" Max yelled letting his emotions control him for the first time with his daughters. 

Lea and Ivy both gasped and Max ran to catch Ivy who almost slipped off the counter trying to get down quickly. 

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING! WERE YOU EVEN THINKING!? YOUR SISTER COULD'VE GOTTEN HURT!" Max yelled at his older daughter. 

You heard the commotion from the room running out to check on the situation. "I WANT YOU BOTH IN YOUR ROOMS, NO TV, NO GAMES, GO STRAIGHT TO BED!" Max continued yelling. 

Both Ivy and Lea were in tears at seeing their dad so angry for the first time in their lives, running straight to their rooms. 

"Max calm down." Your heart broke, you knew Max was never like this with your daughters and it scared you to see this side of him come out, feeling partly guilty for it. 

"Oh wow...so now you decide to talk to me." Max scoffed pushing past you and into your room. 

Your heart broke at the action, but he was right. You knew he needed time to cool off so you headed to your daughter's room to check on them. 

Opening the door you had to try to hold back your own tears at the sight. Lea held Ivy in her arms as they both sobbed. You couldn't say anything to afraid to burst into tears so instead sat by your daughter's bed and hugged them both. 

"I-I-I'm so-so-sorry-ma-ma." Lea hiccuped not being able to catch her own breath at how much she cried. 

This time you felt a few tears run down your cheeks. "Hey baby it's okay." You took her face in your hands trying to soothe her. "Lea honey it's okay." You blew gently on your daughter's face trying to calm her down. 

"Pa-pa's- ang-angr-angry." she continued hiccuping. 

"I know darling he shouldn't have yelled like that baby. He loves you so much, we both do." You reminded her kissing her forehead. 

Eventually, Ivy had fallen asleep crying on her sister's lap so you picked her up and moved her to her bed tucking her in. You then went back to your older daughter who was having a little bit of a harder time settling down. 

"Lea listen sometimes people get angry at other things and they feel so angry for a long time that when something else happens they just blow up and scream." You tried your best to explain to your daughter. 

"Like papa?" She asked. 

"Yeah like Papa Baby, Papa's feeling a lot of things because of something else and unfortunately he just took it out on you." You revealed. 

Little did you know Max was listening from outside, after cooling off a little he felt bad and meant to go apologize to his daughters but stopped once he heard you inside with them. 

"But why?" Lea asked. "Why is papa angry mama?" Lea was almost 6, you knew she was starting to get a better grasp of things and you also knew being honest with her would be the best thing for her right now so after thinking about it for a few seconds you decided to just be honest with her. 

"Do you remember on Ivy's 2nd birthday when she wished for a brother?" You asked your daughter. 

"Yeah," Lea replied moving her head to look up at you. 

"Well your Papa and I after that, after talking a lot tried to make another baby..."Your voice broke. 

Max's heart broke at hearing you struggle to speak. 

"Well, we tried for a long time and Mama just couldn't get another baby in her tummy which made both Mama and Papa really really sad." You revealed. 

"Why won't the baby go in your tummy mama?" Lea asked innocently, reaching for her little hand to wipe some tears off your cheek. 

"I don't know baby, maybe mommy's broken." You were full-on crying but you could see your daughter's understanding eyes at the situation. 

"Is that why Papa doesn't say I love you with his eyes anymore?" Lea asked again, oblivious to the impact her question had on her parents. Max fell to his knees outside the room distraught at the guilt he could hear in your voice, and about the fact that his daughters and possibly you thought he didn't love you anymore. 

"I don't know honey...maybe. It's not easy when you want something really really bad and you just can't get it so it can make you feel a lot of things, mommy feels like it's her fault that the baby doesn't want to go in her tummy." You tried to finish explaining. 

"I'm sorry Mama." Lea apologized once more. "But even if you are broken mama I'll still love you the same, I'll even say it with my eyes if you want." Lea smiled imitating her dad by blinking her eyes I love you just like her dad used to do. 

This time your tears were of gratitude at feeling the love your daughter had for you, the simplicity with which her mind understood the situation and tried to make you feel better. "Thank you, baby." You hugged your daughter placing kisses on her cheek. 

Lea settled enough, feeling a little better at understanding why things had been a little weird at home lately. You watched her fall asleep. You took a deep breath ready to have a difficult conversation with your husband praying it might go a little similar to the conversation you had with your daughter. 

You walked out of their room and were surprised to find Max sitting outside, his back to the wall with his face in his hands. You could tell he'd been crying from the wet spots on his shirt and trousers. 

"Maxy." You fell to your knees beside him. 

Max pulled his hands away as you both wrapped your arms around each other at the same time. You both started crying in each other's arms, Max holding you tightly against him. 

"You're not broken, I never thought so either I just wanted you to talk to me." He whispered. "I love you so much and I'm sorry I ever let you doubt it, and I'm sorry for screaming at Ivy and Lea, I'm just- I'm so sorry for everything" Max cried tucking his face in the crook of your neck.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I felt so useless and frustrated I couldn't get pregnant. I know how long you've been trying to hold it together for us, for all of us and I shouldn't have ever let you carry all of it on your own. I'm sorry too for everything."  You also apologized. "I love you, Max, I don't think I'll ever be able to stop loving you I just wanted to give us another baby." 

"I know." Max sighed pulling back and wiping tears from under your eyes with his thumbs. "Look I would love to have another baby with you, I'd have a 100 if it was with you but I'm so enamored by the family you've given me already, our girls...they're the best thing that have ever happened to me and if trying to have another baby is gonna cost us...us...than I don't want it." Max was honest. 

You nodded agreeing with his words. 

"It doesn't mean we stop trying, we can if that's what you want but I just want you back first, I need us to be okay before trying again okay?" He asked you. 

"Yeah." You agreed once more. 

Max rested his forehead against yours. You heard him take a deep breath. "God I missed you." he sighed before leaning down to place his lips against yours. 

You kissed him back harshly almost desperate to taste him again mentally questioning yourself how you were able to survive without this for as long as you did. "I love you," you whispered as you momentarily pulled away to catch your breath. 

But Max kept kissing you not wanting for this to stop, as if his body was trying to catch up on all the time he spent without your touch. "I love you." He whispered back scooping you into his lap, your legs wrapping around him as he stood up with you in his arms before taking you to your bedroom. 

Laying you down on your shared bed it once again felt right, being shared with him. Max was quick to get you naked, teasing you as he prepared you for him.

"I adore you." He whispered as he slipped into you. You'd be okay.

[iheartmapi]

Get Gone (pt.2 to “Teddy Bear”)

Alexia Putellas x Reader

Summary: Alexia had crossed another line, and you couldn’t let it be like this anymore.

Angst, no comfort ig

TW: none

Word count: 1,185

Your eyes flickered around the restaurant you were patiently waiting in for the past 30 minutes.

The situation is easy to guess, you were waiting for Alexia, since she herself proposed a date today to you a week ago. Yet she wasn’t showing up. Sweat painted your hands, you wanted to finally catch a glimpse of her blonde hair somewhere in the crowd of waiters and other clients, you tried texting her, perhaps she got stuck in traffic or something else happened to her?

You hoped it was only something of innocent nature…Alexia wouldn’t stand you up after all, right?

More time passed and passed, but to no avail Alexia hadn’t appeared in the restaurant. Tears were begging to be let out of your eyes, it was hard keeping yourself in check and not crying a river right there in public but you at least managed to get back to your car before breaking down in tears.

You went back home, your sadness slowly morphed into anger towards Alexis, lately you’ve been wondering if this relationship even had any chance of salvation. She didn’t return till late in the evening. You were sitting in the living room, your arms crossed as you saw her drop her bag down on the floor. Not even a “sorry”, “hey” or “how are you was dropped, let alone one single look at you. You wanted to scream at her, make a mess of the apartment, claw at her skin pull your hair anything..but she’d just turn a blind eye to it anyway, it’s as if you were invisible, when you were around her she treated you like mist, she just didn’t care.

“Why?” You then spoke up, your cheeks got a reddish tint to them, as well as your eyes which were letting tears fall. You cried silently, just looking at her as she turned around to face you as if she had no clue what you meant by ‘why’

“What are you talking about?” Alexia’s brow furrowed, her gaze said it all, she was looking at you as if you were some mad woman that should be institutionalised for her over-sensitivity. “Why don’t you love me anymore?” You choked out the question you had wanted to ask her for the past few months.

“Y/n-“ Alexia begun with a tired voice, “No” you cut in “Don’t ‘Y/n’ me, you know it’s the truth” And she probably did, Alexia stood in place, her eyes diverted from yours.

“I wanted this to work, I really did, and we had our happy years didn’t we? But you changed Alexia, you don’t give a shit about me anymore.” Your voice broke here and there, a thousand words and sentences were running through your brain, so fast it made you feel like it was frying.

“I thought about this so many times, thought about all the things I wanted to say to you…but now I can’t, there’s so many of them I can’t keep up, you had done me so bad, so many times..so many times I forgave you quietly, but I can’t do it anymore”

“What the hell do you mean?” She barked at you, “So you’re gonna break up with me? Because of some dumb things I did? God you’re impossible-“ The blonde shook her head “Stop it! For fuck’s sake stop it! That’s why I’ve been holding back, cause you always do this, I’m always the bad guy whilst you’re a martyr.” Your hands clutched your head “And dumb things? You cal treating me as if I didn’t exist dumb things? You stood me up, and the best part is this wasn’t the first time” It was clear Alexia was trying to come up with some cheeky answer, one that’d shut you up, but to no avail.

“This is the end” you said now more quietly, “I’m leaving, don’t contact me again” with that you made your way to your now past shared bedroom. Another minute spent in this goddamn place was going to drive you mad, so swiftly you grabbed your clothes and other belongings, not caring to fold them, just to get them into your bags. Alexia soon stormed in after you. “This is fucking crazy!” She yelled, “You can’t do this to me!” Her arms were swaying around, she was mad, furious even.

“You did much worse to me” you muttered “You don’t deserve to be mad at me Alexia”

As you grabbed your now packed bags you looked at her for the last time together, “Goodbye” and that was it, the end.

A few weeks had passed now, you bought yourself a flat since you sold your old one before moving in with Alexia. You recall breathing the fresh air, the wind blowing through your hair when you left Alexia, the world around you felt different, alone and freeing. Later a part of you was screaming at you that you chose the wrong option, but you couldn’t get back with Alexia, not after everything.

Years of a good relationship, and then years of a ruin that was your ‘love’. There was no denying that a small percentage of you, still loved her, but you couldn’t be with her if all you were going to get was a one-sided romance.

Alexia messaged you, one message that read ‘meet me at the pier, you know which one. 7pm, I’ll be there.”

You sighed internally, you were gonna give her one last chance to speak to you, whatever it is she wanted, all you knew was that there was no getting back ever again.

It was dark already, the sky turning into a deep navy blue transcending into black. As you walked down the wooden pier, some happy moments from your time together came flooding back. You knew this had to be the pier she wanted to see you at, and as you walked further down you could make out a woman’s figure in the distance, as you got closer you quickly recognised it was indeed Alexia.

She was leaning against the pier’s fence, looking into the deep blue sea, you stood next to her, glancing into the water as well

“What is it that you wanted to talk about?” You then asked, not looking back at her, and you could feel that she wasn’t observing you either. “Can’t we make this right?” She said after a minute “Alexia…” you sighed, “I told you”

“I can change, Y/n” she was still pleading for you to change your mind. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t believe you, we’re done, and that’s it. If we get back together either you or me are still gonna get hurt” You knew well that it was definitely you who was going to get hurt…but you weren’t here to talk about it, all you had wanted was to deliver the message clearly.

“Y/n..” she mumbled, “I’m sorry Alexia” you simply stated, “Have a good night.” You pushed yourself off the fence, walking off, towards the parking lot to your car. As you walked, you hadn’t looked back at Alexia.

You were better off not being together.

[angel-kyo]

Almost the one [I]

When a too prone to fall in love Satoru decides he is tired of always chasing the wrong person, his eyes finally turn to the one that should be his perfect match, and to your dismay, this is no other than one of your closest friends.

This is sort of inspired by/aligned with this thing I wrote.

=======================

“No. Absolutely not.”

Satoru’s smiling face turned to what could pass for a pleading pout, if you had ever seen one, but you could not give in this time.

“Why not, [name]?” he asked, but he already knew the answer.

You sighed. “Utahime is my friend. You know my friends are off-limits.”

If anyone overheard your conversation with Gojo, they would probably think the reason why you did not want him to ask your friend out was that you had feelings for him, however, that was not it.

Actually, it was far from the truth.

You loved him, sure. He was pain sometimes, but in a way, you did. You wanted him to find happiness and love, of course, but…

“I know, but…” He turned to look behind, maybe hoping to catch a last glimpse of Utahime, who had just left the two of you sitting at the coffee shop where you and she had been studying before he arrived.

The thing about Satoru was…

He turned back to you with that lovesick grin you knew too well. “What if she is the one?”

...That he always fell too easily.

You finished the last bite of your pastry and started gathering your things, ignoring the man smiling in front of you.

That smile is like a fire alarm.

Satoru had been like that ever since you knew him, and since he discovered romance.

His charms always made it easy to catch the glances of the prettiest faces of girls and boys wherever he went, and a few sweet words later, he and whoever had caught his attention were in for a romantic failure.

Yes, a failure.

Unfortunately, for some reason, Satoru was great at initially engaging people but not so much at keeping them. No, he was not a womanizer of any sorts, not consciously at least. In fact, most times, it was always the girls he dated the ones that left him first. Nevertheless, the reason why he seemed to fail at every relationship attempt had remained a mystery to you since junior high up until now that you were in university.

You zipped your backpack and gave him a skeptical look. “A month ago, you were saying Hana could be the one.”

Satoru rolled his eyes and stood up, mirroring your movements. “Okay, well, I was wrong. Obviously,” he mumbled. “But that does not mean I will be wrong this time!”

Just a couple weeks ago, he had called you nearing midnight because Hana had told him she was not ready for a relationship after dating him for three weeks.

In your opinion, she had not even passed the probation period.

“Gojo, I admire your optimism, but I value my friendship with Utahime, and...”

If… No. When it does not work out, I don’t want to be in the middle.

Now, how could you say that without hurting him?

You bit your lip. “And you’re not her type anyway.” You walked outside and he followed.

“Not her type?” he asked eyeing your form. “And what kind of guys is she into?”

Satoru knew people could have personal preferences when it came to looks, but he trusted that 1) he was not ugly, and 2) even if his looks were an issue, -again, not that they had ever been- he could convince Utahime to see past his physical appearance. After all, love was blind, right?

From your point of view, the issue was not the type she liked. Physically, Satoru could fit into the description of your friend’s perfect guy, but personality-wise, you were not sure they were compatible. It was hard to picture your serene, put-together Utahime with a guy who was so daring when it came to romantic matters and who already had earned a certain reputation around campus.

“I mean… Please don’t take it the wrong way, but I don’t think you’re the kind of guy she is looking for.”

You stopped walking when you heard Satoru’s steps halt behind you.

Okay. That had not been the right way to put it.

Your turned to face him and were going to try and rephrase it when he spoke first.

“Then help me become him”, he said.

“Huh?”

He stepped closer. “You see what’s wrong with me, right? You can help me fix it, help me be the kind of man who doesn’t get dumped.”

He must be joking…

“Satoru, there is nothing wrong…”

“’Nothing wrong with me’. I know, you always say that, but it would not hurt to make sure.”

Although Satoru could sometimes be dramatic when a girl left him, deep down, you always believed he was not that affected by it. At the end, he always reverted to his hopeful self, willing to show the next person his best winning smile.

But if he was not affected, why was he looking at you like that now?

Maybe you were wrong. Maybe he was tired of getting his heart returned as an unwanted gift each time.

You looked around for a second. You two standing there would have been an obstacle on the sidewalk if the streets were more crowded, but they weren’t despite the lovely weather of the last days of winter melting into spring.

“I wouldn’t know why the girls who dated you dumped you.” You shrugged. “I’ve never dated you.”

His eyes shone at your words. That was a look you had not seen often but had, somehow, learned to understand.

If his lovesick smile is a fire alarm, that look announces an earthquake.

Indeed, his next words would shake your world.

“Then do it, [name]. Date me.”

=======================

Note: I was putting off writing this because I thought it would be bad, but bad writing is still fun, so just don't mind me.

Anyway, if you read it, thank you!

[eunimaybe]

⟡ ⸻ the perfect pair

heeseung x fem. reader | perhaps you two have outgrown each other and just too scared to admit it

genre. angst. angst angst angst. | warnings: uhhh, maybe angst? a tad bit toxic | wc. 0.5k inspired by beabadobee's the perfect pair EN-

12:54am

heeseung finally walks into the apartment, the door closing with a soft click.

you watch him take off his shoes from the couch, watch him put it to the side - a practised habit before stepping into the living room. the air is thick with tension and unspoken words, and you open you mouth to speak. you have to try multiple times. your voice just refuses to come out.

“heeseung,” you croak, finally managing to talk. he halts in his tracks. you can tell he didn’t expect you to be in the living room waiting for him, and his eyes find yours in the darkness, dark orbs meeting yours. you try to figure out what he's thinking of, but all you see is the reflection of yourself in his pupils.

“y/n,” he replies with a wary smile. it doesn’t look quite happy, but also not quite sad. you mirror the expression, a micro smile on your face, not reaching the eyes. your mouth hurts. your face hurts. everything just hurts. you drop the smile. — more under cut!!

as you watch him take off his leather jacket and set it down on an empty chair by the dining table, you wonder why you can’t seem to bring yourself to care more about the fact that your boyfriend came home at 12:54am. that’s nearly one, way past the time he should’ve been home from work.

you try to get yourself to care, but you feel nothing. you tell yourself it’s because you have nothing to worry or be suspicious about; heeseung wouldn’t cheat. that was the one thing you knew for certain.

perhaps it was the only thing you knew for certain.

the couch shifts under heeseung’s weight when he sits down, but no words are exchanged, the silence in the room deafening.

gods, you hate him.

you don’t know why, he’s always been the person you loved endlessly and unconditionally. you always saw yourself in him: always trying so hard, such a perfectionist, perhaps even a workaholic.

maybe that’s where the hatred is coming from. it used to be something you loved him for, an understanding between you both. you can’t figure out why or when that changed.

“how was work?” you ask quietly, trying to make conversation like you would have a month ago whilst playing with the hem of your shirt - no, his shirt.

heeseung just hums in replies and shrugs, and you nod at the action as if it’s a proper reply and turn your attention to something else. the potted plant in the corner that he planted a few months ago that’s been abandoned by you both and now wilting. the small framed picture of you two from last summer sitting on the shelf by the tv. little trinkets bought from thrift stores you used to drag heeseung into on your dates.

you watch heeseung from the corner of your eyes, watch him stare emptily into the space whilst fidgeting with the necklace you gifted him for your three year anniversary. you can't stop noticing those little things, pieces of memories of what you two used to be. you reach out tentatively, every movement hesitant before holding heeseung's hand in yours. but it doesn't feel like before. it feels wrong. you know heeseung thinks so too, you can tell by his touch.

you wish he would just say it to your face. tell you the inevitable truth.

it would hurt, yes, but it would be for the better.

but yet it never comes, because he’s probably thinking of the same thing. wondering when you’re going to tell him - when you’re going to end things once and for all.

you’re so tired of fighting - it’s clear you two have been falling apart, yet no one does anything about it.

just countless days spent in empty silence, hours spent fighting and hundreds and thousands of minutes spent in doubt.

because you two are supposed to be the perfect pair.

what do you mean you have outgrown each other?

[yiffos-official]

I am willing to give you or anyone else on tumblr the skills and advice the helped me get my dream job

the idea of working for TEK a few months ago would just be a fantasy

my background in education is English. I learned what I know now on my own and only by random chance.

This is why I am so critical of the linux commumity on tumblr.

They're tagging themselves as -official when they can't provide casual end user support.

They're entirely too horny to be in this sphere. Computers and linux should not be about how much you want to fuck/be fucked by X

it will deter end users

This is very cool that you will help other tumblr users with this stuff; i may actually take you up on this at some point :3

(my tone here is /g, /pos, /nm, /lh)

I do, however, kind of disagree with the other points. I think that for any other social media it's correct, twt or fb does not have the culture to make these sorts of parody accounts viable or not-counter-productive to increasing the linux market share. But I don't think that tumblr is the same.

I think that tumblr does. I think the tumblr community has always been this somewhat ephemeral yet perpetual inside joke culture where almost every user is in-the-know, and new users to the joke are able generally able to catch on quickly to it due to their general understanding of they way tumblr communities operate.

IMO, it's a somewhat quick pipeline of:

\> find first "x-official" blog -> assume it's real -> see them horny posting about xenia -> infer that RH corporate would probably not approve of such a blog

I can appreciate that it might be intimidating to seek out help as a new linux user, and especially a new linux & tumblr user, but looking through these blogs, you do see them helping out people ^^. heck, my last post was helping someone getting wayland working on an nvidia system.

The main goal of these blogs is not to be a legitimate CS service to general end-users. they aren't affiliated with the software their blog is named after, so in many cases they *cant*. The goal is instead to foster a community around linux, creating a general network of blogs of the various FOSS projects that they enjoy.

I think that final sentiment, of these blogs detering end users, is most likely counter to their actual effect on end users who are considering switching to linux.

We all know a lot of tumblr is 20 or 30 something year olds who have just stuck around since ~2012ish, and new users to tumblr join with pre-existing knowledge of the culture and platform. Almost anyone coming across these blogs are going to be people who can see the "in" joke, and acclimate. I do highly doubt that a random facebook mom who's son convinced her to install mint on her old laptop would find tumblr, find a -official blog, scroll through said blog, and be detered from using mint.

The other side of this is that any tumblr users who come across these blogs, be it with an inkling of desire to switch to linux or not, will see a vibrant and active community that fits very well into the tumblr community. They remember, or have heard of, the amtrac & OSHA blogs, and are therefore probably aware that this is a pre-existing meme on here.

In all likelyhood, this will probably further incentivize them to make the switch, as they would be more attracted to a community of their peers over a community of redditors telling them to read the arch wiki repeatedly

I can, on the other hand, definitely see that for people who have difficulties with parsing tone, and especially sarcasm, would have trouble with this. TBH, I have these difficulties (hence when I was speaking to you yesterday I used the /unjerk indicator, as I couldn't tell what the tone of the conversation was), and so it took me a little while of being in this weird "I'm 99% sure these *aren't* official, but what if?". I have been there forI think that maybe being more transparent with the fact that the blogs are parodies is probably important. I'm guilty of this, and after i post this, i'll add it to my bio.

[frightenedcricket]

One of our songs.

Noah Sebastian x Reader. Fluff.

Note: first noah fic!!!

Warning: none, I think.

You muttered the lyrics written in your notebook while your fingers moved up and down in the air. Noah watched you from the corner of his eye as he pretended to be working on something.

"Is it... Uh... That's how it happened, right? He cheated"

You sighed and turned to look at him.

You had written the song with Noah, mostly based on your ideas and feelings that kept flowing after a few bad weeks. He simply offered a few changes, way to express certain things and how to make it more "singeable".

"Yes"

Noah nodded and mimicked you. Now, you both sat looking at each other.

"Sorry for using your band as therapy" You chuckled.

He laughed and shook his head. "Our pleasure"

You went quiet for a while, both a bit lost in your thoughts.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Any of you liked him, Noah. What would have happened?"

"Yeah, I see your point" He chuckled.

You leaned your head against the chair and watched him. Noah was now looking at the desk.

"Are you sure about the song?"

"For now? It sounds amazing" You said. "Need to hear it from you, and the guys' green light."

Noah nodded. "You can just say no anytime. We won't release it if is too personal"

You grabbed his hand and run your thumb over his knuckles. "Thanks, Noah"

"No, thank you for giving us this lyrics."

"Hey, sorry. There was a lot of traffic." Nicky walked in with sweaty cheeks and his hair quite messy, but had some coffee.

"Nah, don't worry dude. You have to check this" Noah gave you a sweet smile and that's how you started producing the song.

A few days later, you sat with your eyes closed and headphones on, Noah sitting by you in the silent room. It was your first time listening to the song and there was something special on it. It took you a while to figure it out. But when you realized, your mouth opened and you turned to look at him. The other guys were outside having some drinks after a long day, so it was just the two of you.

Noah smirked and crossed his arms.

"It's me" You muttered.

You didn't think they would use it. You had sung the song once. It was recorded and everything, you had agreed. But this...

"Noah" you pushed the headphones back right when his voice came back.

"Listen. We can remove it. We actually have two versions. But if you like it and you agree, we want you to feature in the song."

You didn't know what to say.

"Maybe not like huge thing. But we want your name on it"

"My name is already on it"

"Bigger this time. YN, half of the album is also yours. Do you think we could do this without you?"

"Probably"

He rolled his eyes and grabbed your hand.

"I disagree. It's on you, YN. Feel free"

You considered it for a few seconds. Your voice was there, doing some chorus and melodies. It wasn't a big thing.

"Don't make it too big"

"Promised" You linked your pinkies and smiled sweetly at each other, that warm love between you two obviously showing. Maybe not enough because any of you seemed to notice.

A few minutes later, Noah walked you to the kitchen, where he passed you your drink of choice and lifted his.

"To YN, who finally sings one of our songs."

"To YN!"

Months passed and the song had been released a while ago. It had been a good one, the fans liked it and it sounded good on live.

"YN"

You turned to see Folio by the door.

"Mhm"

"Uh... Can you come with us for a minute?"

Why did you tour with them? Good question. Some days you still wondered what was your job apart from songwriting.

When you left the room, you found all of them looking with suspicious smiles.

"Okay, what's wrong? What have you done?"

"Nothing yet" Jolly chuckled.

"I'm scared"

"We want to ask you something" Noah started.

Then, Nicholas followed:

"What do you think about singing with us on the stage?"

You gasped too loudly, making them all laugh at your genuine reaction.

You needed a few days to prepare for it, attending to rehearsals and sound checks. But it all went smoothly.

"So, I announce you and then you come in."

You nodded with your eyes fixed on Noah's hands. They were the perfect distraction. Tonight was the night and nerves were eating you.

"You will be there, right?"

Noah smiled, more to himself than anything, but if someone had seen him... The guys would have teased him so much.

"Of course. I will always be"

You nodded with a rapid beating heart.

"But listen, we follow you. You can run away if you want to" He chuckled. "It will be fine"

You nodded and grabbed his hand in a sweet thankful gesture.

"Thank you"

"Free therapy, sweetheart"

You chuckled and blushed at the same time. It wasn't usual to hear him call you pet names, but oh how you loved them.

"My actual therapist would hate you for that"

"Sure thing"

Noah got up and lean to kiss your forehead.

"Remember, black outfit"

You rolled your eyes and tried to hid the blush.

"See you in twenty"

You nodded and watched him walk outside the room, leaving you enough space to think about what would happen at the end of the show, how Noah had guided you through the whole process, how he had been singing a song about your shitty ex for weeks now, how him and the guys had allowed you to pour your rage and feelings in that song only to perform it for you, how now they were giving you the opportunity to do it yourself.

"Okay... That's the last one" Matt whispered to you. "Ready?"

You nodded and the manager hugged you.

"Okay, you've got this"

"Now! We have a very special guest tonight" Noah climbed on his step and look at the fans, who shouted at him. "Are you ready!?" They shouted back at him once more. "Make some noise!" He finally growled as Nick's hands finally fell on the drums.

The lights, the music, the fans, the guys... Noah... They waited for you, the signer with a had stretched out.

With an encouraging push from Matt and the mic in your hand, you stepped in the stage. It all became loud, still, Noah waited for you. You grabbed his hand and he pulled you up in the step. And then he let go of you and moved back.

It was refreshing, so relaxing, so... The adrenile filled your veins so soon, as soon as you saw all that people singing back at you, singing those lyrics about such a sad moment. But you also heard him. For this performance, you had switched places. Your voice was the main one as Noah stood behind you. What originally was your voice doing melodies and choruses, was now Noah screaming and growling, which made your skin crawl.

And almost at the end, during the climax, he appeared next to you and grabbed your hand. You turned to him and looked into his eyes. This hadn't been planned. You hadn't rehearsed this but now you were singing together and you felt so light.

You reached the highest note easily, hand in hand, with him screaming one last time. And then it all went dark and the instruments faded. The loud sounds of people filled the theater.

You were shaking, but it was excitement. Then Noah pulled you to his body and you felt yourself coming back to reality again. His tall lanky body engulfed you and his strong arms kept you close. So close. You hugged him back and gripped his turtleneck so hard you could have ripped it.

Your chest were pressed and you were breathing hard. Then, still in the dark stage, only with faint white background lights, Noah kissed your temple and you felt a wave of feelings. It was there, right there.

The lights came back and he faced the stage, still with his arm around your shoulders. You tried to focus on something else, maybe Folio by your other side who was ruffling your hair, or the fans... But still it was only him you could think of. You stayed with them for the last goodbye to the fans.

You were the one who left the stage first, almost hyperventilating and with your ears buzzing.

You heard them behind you, congratulating each other and hugging.

You turned around and your eyes fell on his, he was already looking at you.

"Noah" You whispered.

He only saw you mouthing his name, but stopped walking. The guys passed you.

"Noah" You repeated his name. He nodded. He knew, he could feel it too.

You finally walked to him and your bodies clashed. Then your lips. You kissed fervousily and your hands roamed his sweaty hair. His arms wrapped around your body and pulled you impossibly close.

The kiss was intense, hard... Teeth clashed, tongues played with each other and little noises escaped you both. You could still hear the eco of the fans outside. But that was all. There was nothing else but Noah.

"Oh god" You panted as you pulled back. With your forehead against his and your hands on his tattooed neck, you could feel his quick pulse. "Noah"

"Yes" He nodded and moved his hand to the side of your face. You both still had your eyes closed and your lips wet from the kiss. Your body only begged for more.

Noah kissed you once more, softly this time, tilting your head back so he could kiss you deeper. "I'm here" He whispered in your mouth.

You finally opened your eyes and he looked at you.

"I love you" That was all you need to hear.

[delladuck]

tbh forgot that i even made this

[kathairoette]

Only happiness can await after grief, right?

(The concept’s a simple “what-if” AU, where Yuugi didn’t quite succeed in getting over his grief, so upon Atem’s return, becomes only Slightly unhinged about their relationship going forward. Atem though is too happy about being back to notice, leading to an odd, push-pull relationship that is could only be called “love”… right?)

[themyscirah]

Complaining abt Suicide Squad yet again but the fact that they have Waller exposing the alien community to space racist attacks and talking abt how she got to her position through deceit and being a terrible person and stuff is just. Ahsfiwueh JUST SAY YOU DONT KNOW WALLER.

Anyways literally the 3rd mission of the Squad ever (and the first framed as smth Waller picked and not orders from above) was the Squad discrediting and stopping a rogue vigilante who was only arresting POC and funneling white people into white supremacy groups (of which he was the most prominent member) in SUICIDE SQUAD #4. and it's explicitly framed as this mission being personal for Waller that she's hiding from the government bc its illegal like. Guys. Please why are we having her incite (space bc comics) racist attacks now

Also the whole "Amanda got her position through deceit and being a terrible person" NO. she KEPT her position through being shitty and playing complicated political games!!! She wasn't always that way like there is a difference and it is IMPORTANT ppl PLEASEEEE. In Secret Origins #14 we learn Amanda's backstory and she used to be a normal, caring person! Like even after she entered into working in government and politics she wasn't automatically morally bankrupt like please people. She was originally given control of the Squad by Reagan (*sigh* 80s comics...) to distract and get rid of her because she was so successful at pushing progressive social policy in Congress. Acting like she's this static pillar of evil is such a waste of her character and so fucking uninteresting and disrespectful to her arc it drives me MAD.

Like I am NOT saying Waller is all sunshine and rainbows, she fucking SUCKS (said w love <3) but like there's a human being there. It's a progression, she has a character arc like please, DC, please!!! They've fucked up Waller so bad and made her so opaque and uninteresting she can't even be the protagonist of her own story for fucks sake!

Like I don't know how many times I have to scream it until DC hears me or remembers but WALLER IS THE MAIN CHARACTER OF SUICIDE SQUAD. ITS HER BOOK. yet right now she's a cutout to be used as the villain wherever the writers please. Even in her book we get none of her perspective really displayed, no exploration of her thoughts with any kind of understanding of the role she traditionally has played and was made to play in the story.

[mariyekos]

Btw for anyone who's never visited my blog and/or doesn't use desktop, I just want you to know that it's a relic blog with an audioplayer, the old tumblr format of indented posts, and a custom floating gif that walks up the right side of the page. I put my love into this theme and I'm going to share it!

[longagoitwastuesday]

Waiting for JJK leaks with my heart beating fast. As if I were caught up with the manga. As if I were invested in this at all!

[archduke-enver-gortash]

posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh

[lit-in-thy-heart]

it's taken at least five watches and three years to get this joke

[ID: a screenshot from Doctor Who, series 4 episode 7, 'The Unicorn and the Wasp' (the Agatha Christie episode) with subtitles. Professor Peach, a white man in a tweed jacket and a bow tie with receding white hair and a bushy ginger moustache, looks at papers that are out of shot with a look of incredulity. The subtitles read: But why didn't they ask...? Heavens! End ID.]

[sisterdivinium]

In the off chance Tumblr dies for real, what if we got ourselves a WN message board like in the olden times?

Or maybe I'd just set up a Dreamwidth account (again) and talk to myself, idk. There's still so much to analyse about WN and there's no fun in doing it without sharing it.

[deeisace]

Ah. Here is an explanation why my day was so terrible.

[vimbry]

drains collapsed. under house