#it’s fool proof

[scruffylookingpiratecaptain]

I don’t know how else to explain this, other than that I need this venn diagram to just be a circle.

[chloesimaginationthings]

How to calm down Roxy in FNAF security breach

[wasabi-gumdrop]

Kabru has a secret admirer in the castle!

[bamsara]

consider: tumblr blog that allows data scraping its images and only posts the most incomprehensible nightshaded data poisoning images to kill midjourny and open ai. Not even art, just pictures of random lines or maybe a can of soup labled as 'dog'. Would allow submissions to have more ammunition.

cons: annoying in the tags/phrases it would need to use, would probably need to be filtered out by users

pros: kill ai

[riverdeansart]

what tim wants, tim gets

[ilynpilled]

jaime turning women down constantly more bc he is very monogamous and in love with someone else right now for the first time and is also kinda scared of actually having sex with someone other than cersei is sm better to me than “i respect the kg vows of chastity so intensely rn actually because i changed into a good and serious person” or whatever lol

[carrot-felisidad]

Peak Lord Shen Qingqiu is a persona both for Shen Yuan and Shen Jiu 🥺

[quotent-potables]

Because, as I'm sure you're aware, being in love kind of has a funny way of twisting the world around, to the point that sometimes the person you love becomes the most important thing across all the lives you live.

— ladybug's miraculously fool-proof guide to falling out of love, an as-yet-unpublished Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir fanfiction by @peachcitt.

Read the preview on Tumblr

[lxvi-gloria]

Drabble Prompt: Post-canon Levi, struggling with chronic pain and mourning his dead loved ones, being visited by his still alive loved ones

Anon, you knew how to talk pretty to me <3

hihi requests are still open btw

I feel like I gotta put a disclaimer or something lmao. So, the length of my drabble requests is usually something between 100-400 words. This request is just an incredibly unexpected exception. it just happened to fit into this idea I already had been thinking of, which was how the remaining 104th would ask Levi to be part of important events in their lives because well, they like the dude lmao, so expect that sort of one-shot soon. Additionally, since I kept reminding myself that this was supposed to be a drabble, I might have glossed over the chronic pain and mourning bits so I'm sorry about that ;;

that being said, 2.4k words of Levi and Gabi be upon ye <3

Now on Ao3!

The angry hissing of the kettle makes him flinch. It brings a loud ringing to his right ear. Instinctively, he places his right hand over it, and gives his ear a couple of gentle taps; it's more of a grounding gesture, a distraction from the buzzing. He usually keeps watch over the kettle, so that he can lower the heat just right before it gets a chance to scream at him. 

He realises then that he must have spaced out while waiting. It’s alright, he thinks. It’s been like that a lot, recently. He’s been like that. Lost in thought-- lost in time, if he allowed himself to be precise. The last days, weeks even, as the temperatures started to drop, blended into each other. There’s a little calendar on his bedside table, it had been a birthday gift from Armin – or had that been Mikasa’s? He isn’t sure, he had received an absurd number of presents from the kids last year, it had been hard to keep track of who gave him what and now the fact escaped him. Turning the pages of the little calendar, with its delicate botanical illustrations on each day, quickly became part of his morning routine, and so he was sure that time was passing at all. The stillness of the routine, he guesses, made him like this.

His vision blurs momentarily while he scoops the tea leaves into the teapot. He squints, trying to will his good eye to focus, but all he gets in return is a throb in his right eye. After putting the tea canister away, he presses the inner sides of his wrists to both eyes, placing just enough pressure to relieve the discomfort. When he opens his eyes again, he is pleased to find he can read the small print on the canister an arm’s length away. 

There’s a loud slam coming from the front of the house, followed by footsteps coming further into the house.

He quickly recognizes the heavy stomping as Gabi’s gait. She’s always been so loud.

Gabi crosses the arch into the small kitchen and dining area. 

“Don’t slam my doors,” he says as a greeting, slowly turning his head to his left side, trying to catch a glimpse of her in his periphery.

“Aye, aye,” the kid waves her hand, shoots him a teasing grin, “someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.”

Levi hums in response but doesn’t say anything else. He busies himself with placing everything they need for their morning tea and coffee on a metal tray on the counter, which Gabi takes from him as soon as it’s ready and sets it on the table.

He grabs his cane from where he had hooked it on one of the kitchen drawers. He has been leaning against the counter, his right leg supporting most of his weight all this time. He braces himself for the sharp pain that will surely surge from his bad knee, through his left hip and up his spine. Cold mornings like this one and being still in one place for long will do that to him. It’s not so bad. It could be worse.

It takes 4 steps to get from the stove to his chair, which Gabi has already pulled out for him. It sits at an angle that allows him to easily slide down on it and rest his right elbow on top of the table, leaning back and against his good side.

“I have something that will cheer you up,” she holds a couple of envelopes in her hand and waves them at him, “You’ve got mail!”

He nods at her in acknowledgement but does not take his attention away from preparing his first batch of tea of the day. There’s a ritual to it, it almost feels like, and he doesn’t want to mess it up. Not when the ringing in his ear is still there, the building pressure in the upper back part of his eyeballs, and the cold air seeping into his bones through his thick jumper. Oh, how he needs a good cup of tea right now.

While Levi waits for it to steep, he grabs the papers that she had shoved in his face, squints his eyes at the first envelope and finds that he is unable to make out much of the handwriting. He brings it closer to his face, squints harder, steals a quick glance across the table and hopes Gabi isn’t paying him any mind, too preoccupied with choosing from the bag of pastries she brought with her. It is with an impassive expression that he hands the stack of envelopes back. 

“Read it for me.” A beat and then he adds, a little reluctant: “Please.”

He knows Gabi prefers coffee in the mornings, and black tea in the evenings, so he makes sure to have a fresh brew of the former whenever he knows she’s coming over; so, with shaky hands, Levi gets to prepare her cup of coffee. While he enjoys the aroma of it, he remains faithful to tea; at first, he thought he didn’t like it because he had butchered his first attempts at brewing it. But even after Onyankopon had taught him how to do it properly and he had enjoyed his cup, it didn’t bring the same comfort as tea. It just never hit the spot.

She shoots him a mischievous grin, “Oh, you sure? What if I read something personal, hm?” 

Levi just shakes his head, scoffing at the idea of Gabi finding his junk mail fascinating.

“Is this how I find out you have a secret lover you’re exchanging raunchy love letters with?” Gabi teases, wiggling her eyebrows at him.

He lets out a tired sigh and rolls his eyes, “just wanna be done with it, ” he stirs the milk into Gabi’s coffee, which now has turned into a cup of milk with coffee. “We have a lot to prepare for tonight.”

She clicks her tongue at him, but still rips the first envelope open, “Mr. Levi, your reading won’t improve if you keep doing that,” she jokingly scolds him.

Although Levi mentally recognises handing her and Falco stuff he couldn’t be bothered reading before, that’s not the case this time. He’ll let her think that for now, though, because he doesn’t want to mention the pressure building in the back of his bad eye, it’s not important and she, a kid, doesn’t need to know his newly found ailment of the week. He can see just fine around him right now. He can see Gabi’s big eyes and playful smile at the other side of the table, and that’s good enough; smaller details, he doesn’t feel he can do them, not without making himself go dizzy with a migraine.

Levi slides the cup of coffee to her and is pleased with himself when she approves of the colour of her drink.

“It’s from Armin,” she announces as she scans the letter. 

From this angle, the soft morning light illuminating her face and thanks to his faulty vision, Gabi’s image stirs his memory. His heart faintly constricts as he is reminded of the many times Hange read their research reports to him during breakfast in the mess hall before presenting them to Erwin. Levi always wondered how they could read so fast, sometimes he even doubted they were actually reading at all, their words barely being able to catch up with her eyes; he never asked about it, maybe reading came easy to them as numbers did to him.

A high-pitched squeal from Gabi startles him, bringing him back to the here and now.

“Oh… ohh, Mr. Levi,” she starts, her smile widening by the second “This is good news!”

Gabi makes a show of clearing her throat and then starts reading “Dear Captain, I hope this letter finds you well and in good health.” 

Levi can’t help but let a sardonic huff at the irony of the greetings but doesn’t let himself be bothered by it. He has written only a handful of personal letters throughout his life, and by now he knows it’s just something you’re supposed to say because jumping straight to the point isn’t acceptable, or so that’s what he had been told. 

Gabi continues reading Armin’s words to him. For the most part, it’s a standard letter coming from him: he asks Levi how he’s dealing with the changing of the seasons, how Gabi and Falco are faring, if business at the tea shop has been good, if there’s anything Levi needs that he can’t get in town so that Armin or the others can get it for him. He tells him a little about the country he’s writing from, he even includes a photograph. Then, after the expected pleasantries, Gabi can barely hold her excitement and starts reading faster, trying so hard not to trip over her words.

“If I’m being sincere, we would prefer to ask you in person,” Gabi stops for a second to look up at him from the paper, gauging for a reaction and finding nothing, she continues. 

Armin apologises for not being able to visit him before the holidays, Annie included, and so it is implied that he won’t be attending tonight’s reunion. 

Sometime during the last five years, the Alliance brats had decided to make showing up at Levi’s doorstep together once a year a sort of custom; the first time it happened was during an early winter, a blizzard had stopped them from leaving Levi’s until the next morning. It had been a really nice evening despite the awful weather, Levi remembers, after everyone pitched in one way or another, they all shared a simple but hearty meal together. It was Connie who jokingly said they should do it every year. The following year, Onyankopon, Gabi and Falco joined them. 

This year would be their fourth, and the first someone wouldn’t make it. That fact sits heavily in Levi’s chest, stealing the spotlight from his throbbing eye.

“...Annie and I have decided to get married. The both of us would like you to officiate our ceremony!” unable to contain her excitement, she tears her eyes away from the paper and looks at Levi. “Huh?! This is good news! What’s with the constipated face?!”

That doesn’t sound right. It figures that Annie and Armin would be the first to marry; in a way, he is happy for them, they clearly care for each other. No, that part is easy to understand. Their union is logical to anyone who knows the couple. What Levi can’t figure out is why they are asking him such a thing.

He clears his throat, assumes it’s been 3 minutes and his tea is ready to be poured and so he distracts himself with that.

When he doesn’t answer Gabi, she picks up where she left off. 

He isn’t… well, he isn’t that close to either of them. He’s sure Annie must have other relatives that could step in his stead. Maybe a brother, a cousin. Even Jean or Reiner would be better options than Levi. He isn’t good with words or people like they are, he couldn’t possibly give them a speech about something foreign to him as it is that kind of love, that’s what people expect, right? His title of Captain is obsolete in this new world, so it can’t be that either. Hell, he has never been to a fucking wedding. 

Just… why him?

As expected, Armin doesn’t really go into the details of their choice but does let Levi know they do not expect a fast answer and that they do not want him to feel pressured to accept it, despite how much it would mean to them if he did. Armin asks if there’s anything in particular that he would like for his birthday, as it is a month away, and closes the letter by saying he looks forward to seeing him and everyone then.

When the letter is closed and put back into its envelope, silence falls around them. For a moment the only sound that can be heard is the clinking of tableware as Levi places the teacup back on its saucer.

It bothers him, that he knows he will be letting Armin down by refusing something that any other well-adapted person would consider an honour. But the thought of embarrassing him and himself, because he gave an awkward, most likely insensitive, speech, mortifies him. No, he can’t put them and their guests through that. He will find a way to make it up to the couple, maybe he can… he doesn’t know yet, but he will come up with something.

As he finishes his first cup, Levi realises that at some point while he was lost in thought, the ringing in his ear has subsided and now it’s back to that muffled, cotton-in-ear sensation he’s used to and he doesn’t feel his eyeball pulsating anymore. Glancing at Gabi, he notices she is trying really hard not to say something, her brow furrowed as she takes a sip of her own drink, followed by a big bite of her pastry. Flakes stick to the corner of her mouth and for once it doesn’t disgust him. Instead, it makes his lips twitch as if going into a smile.

“I can help you... if you want,” she says eventually, sounding uncharacteristically careful and small of her.

Levi quirks an eyebrow “Help? with what?” 

She shrugs, “How to… tell them you don’t want to,” she avoids looking at him for the first time, finding the flakes on her plate more interesting. She shrugs again and tilts her head to the side, a thin line of a smile appearing on her face. “...or prepare for the ceremony.”

Not unlike many times before, Gabi’s words render him speechless, if only for a moment. He spares his tea a glance and he thinks: it’s bold of her to be so upfront about offering her help to him, and had it been any other morning, one where he couldn’t think past the constant ache in his body, he would’ve chewed her head off for simply trying to help him because he himself doesn’t know how to accept that kindness.

This kid is trying her best and he can’t help but feel somewhat proud of that.

“You have shit on your face. Here,” he points to where the flakes would sit on his own face and picks his refilled teacup back up.

Gabi quickly wipes her mouth with the back of her hand, getting most of the flakes off. Levi gives her a thumbs-up with his free hand.

“I’ll think about it,” he finally concedes and tries to ignore the little happy dance she does in her seat.

This time, when the amber liquid touches his lips, it’s remarkably sweeter than before.

[jubilationsart]

Getting watermelon is its own gacha game when you spend $5+ and MAYBE get something edible. Fruits un general

[babsvibes]

A soup recipe that’s relatively cheap and easy because I cook like a single mother of four

In one pot: brown a pound of beef, strain the grease, then add two taco seasoning packets, a diced yellow onion, a can of corn, a can of pinto beans, a can of rotel or diced tomatoes (don’t strain the cans, dump them entirely into the pot). Cook until flavors combine. Serve with shredded cheese, sour cream, and tortilla chips.

For fool-proof instructions:

Get a pot. You will only need one pot. Should be big enough that a soccer ball could sit in it (but doesn’t have to be a submerged soccer ball).

Throw a package of ground beef in it (usually around one pound) and cook until the pink is gone.

Can be the cheap tube of ground beef or a different meat, who cares. If you don’t have a fancy way of straining grease so it doesn’t go in your drain, get a wad of paper towels and c a r e f u l l y let it soak up that puddle of grease then throw the paper towels away.

Take two taco seasoning packets and sprinkle that over the beef. Stir.

Yes it’s mostly dry seasoning on beef don’t worry there will be liquid in a second. You can use only one packet if you prefer less seasoning. Add a little extra water if you need to tone it down.

Throw in a diced onion. Stir.

I wouldn’t go for a sweet onion, but it would probably fine if you used whatever kind of onion you have. If you want to use a shallot, go ahead. Maybe try dicing while the meat is cooking. If you didn’t, just take the meat off heat and finish the onion. Put it back on heat once you’ve thrown the onion in. You can skip the onion if you want.

Dump a can of corn, a can of pinto beans, and a can of diced tomatoes into the pot. Stir.

Do not drain them first. Just dump. I try to grab the cans that are like duel ingredients so fiesta corn, beans with jalapeños, and tomatoes with green chilies. Literally all of this is interchangeable. If you have a different kind of bean, sure use those. If you have stewed tomatoes, go ahead. It comes down to texture and slight variations on flavor but because of the seasoning packets it will mostly taste the same regardless.

Bring it to a boil then lower the heat, cover with a lid, and let it simmer. Cook until you can see through the onions. If you skipped the onion, taste periodically for the flavors to come together. You can give it a stir every once in a while.

The flavors “coming together” looks like when color saturations all match to form one soup instead of five separate ingredients. Like when you put a filter over a photo and now it looks more balanced? This could be like fifteen or twenty minutes but I don’t know your stove.

If you’re like “this isn’t enough juice to be a soup” give it a few minutes as the ingredients release their moisture. If after like ten minutes there’s still not enough liquid to your liking, pour some extra water in there by rinsing out one of your previously used cans (like if there’s still beans stuck in the bean can, fill it halfway with water, swish it around, and add that).

Serve with shredded cheese, sour cream, and tortilla chips. Hot sauce optional.

If you want to add more stuff, do it. Peppers? Sure. Shallot instead of or alongside an onion? Go for it. More beans? I’m down if you are. If you want to get rid of stuff, sure thing boss. It does not matter. This is simply the easiest recipe.

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF movie Mike vs Vanny on ordering pizzaplex food

[yakultii]

25 December

[bloggingboutburgers]

Tbh I feel like going to the US while the Nazis are in power is suicidal. So of course I don't understand your choice of going instead of your SO coming to Europe. But while I don't understand, I wish and pray for you to be safe. Whatever you choose, I hope you guys will be okay

You might be right. I have no idea what the future has in store or if I'll come to regret it. But I've already stated my reasons. As it stands, with the year-long process we've already started and that we can't just flip on a dime overnight, my partner can't come and stay in Europe legally just like that. Legal immigration is not that easy in one way or the other. Also... Yeah, I've stated that before, but one shouldn't underestimate how shitty things have been getting in Europe for the past few years as well, and how the influence of the US (which is huge) is likely to make things worse. So again I'm not 100% sure whether that'd have been better anyway.

Also also... Ima be real, I've shared that before, but the time where I was separated from my partner due to the travel ban was the only time in my life where I had actual suicidal ideation. I don't want this to happen again. That's why I'm making moves so it doesn't, first and foremost.

[ghcstpyre]

18+ content under the read more. MINORS DNI.

ted "theodore" logan x afab!reader

contents: pervy!ted / scent kink / panty stealing / panty sniffing / masturbation (m) / mentions of oral (f receiving)

hello @generalkenobee here it is!

thinking about perv!ted raiding your wardrobe and drawers whenever you're not around. it starts off innocently enough - you lend him one of your cosy, oversized jumpers and ted can't get enough of your sweet scent and the tang of your perfume that clings to the soft collar of your jumper. it becomes apparent after a week or two that ted has no intentions of returning it but you don't mind too much; he looked cute in your jumper anyway.

it's from that moment onwards that ted really starts to develop a thing for the way you smell. every so often whenever the two of you are spending time together at your place, he'll find an item of clothing that you've worn recently, press it to his face and inhale deeply, completely losing himself in the smell of you that still lingers on the fabric - all while you're not in the room of course, the last thing he wants is to be caught. before you come back, he'll quickly bundle up whatever he's just smell sampled and shove it into his bag to take home with him; a t-shirt, a vest top, a cardigan or maybe a hoodie if he's lucky, he doesn't really care as long as it's yours and smells like you.

The first time Ted managed to get his hands on a pair of your panties had him reeling. He didn't even mean to pick them up, they just happened to be caught up in the vest he'd recently procured from your bedroom floor and he didn't even realise until he was back home and unraveling said vest from the crumpled up ball it had been in since Ted stuffed it into his backpack while you weren't looking, the panties in question falling from within the garment and landing at his feet. Ted was almost too nervous to touch them at first, really starting to feel like a complete degenerate (at least he had the decency to feel some level of shame), but just the sight of them on his bedroom floor had his dick twitching in his jean shorts.

He was too curious and way too horny at that point to be able to resist the temptation. What started off as something fairly innocent had devolved into complete degeneracy, but Ted's head was too flooded with hormones to think straight. The panties weren't exactly the most interesting kind - just your basic, black, bikini-style underwear - but just the thought of you wearing them, the fact that your pussy had been pressed against the fabric at some point was enough to give Ted the biggest hard-on he'd had since he got his hands on his first porno magazine.

The feeling of the fabric in the palms of his hands and between his fingers was enough to have his heart jackhammering within his chest, so hard that he could hear his rapid pulse, the sound thumping in his ears. Ted had to take a moment to sit down on his bed before tentatively pressing the thin fabric of your panties against his face and inhaling deeply, already palming at the familiar stiffness in his pants and failing to stifle the groan that escaped his plush lips. It was a good thing his Dad and Deacon weren't home because Ted knew he wasn't going to be able to keep quiet, not with your panties pressed to his face and certainly not with the smell of your pretty cunt filling his nose.

By that point Ted had already unzipped his jean shorts and shimmied them down his thighs along with his boxers to finally free his throbbing cock. He flopped backwards ungracefully, being sure to keep your panties pressed to his nose with one hand while wasting no time in spitting into the palm of his other before wrapping it around his hard shaft and beginning to stroke.

"Shit..." He groaned, voice almost breathless. He knew he was done for now.

Ted's breaths were heavy and quick as he tugged on his cock, the panties against his face driving him wild. His mind drifted, fantasising about you sitting on his face and rocking your hips back and fourth, his tongue pressed against your clit, your pussy so warm and wet on his mouth as your slick dripped down his chin. He was so utterly lost in you - the whimpers leaving your lips as you came undone on his tongue, the scent of your luscious body, the taste of your precious cunt and the way your hands gripped and tugged at Ted's tousled dark brown hair.

"Fuckfuckfuck—" Ted was practically mewling, fucking upwards into his fist as it pumped up and down his swollen cock, his tip leaking precum all over his fingers. He started to moan your name over and over again like a mantra, his thoughts filled with you and only you - only ever you. "M'so close, so fuckin' close—"

His eyes rolled to the back of his skull and he pushed your defiled panties into his mouth as he came, thick ropes of white cum shooting from his cock onto his stomach and chest as he sucked on the soft fabric. Ted's whole body shook with the force of his orgasm and a good few minutes had passed before he opened his eyes again, his chest rising and falling deeply as he got his breathing back under control.

He pulled your underwear from his lips and let it drop to the side, his teeth finally relinquishing the vice grip they had on the fabric as he let out a long, heavy sigh. Eventually, Ted sat up and looked down at himself, immediately groaning in frustration and cringing hard.

He came all over his Megadeth t-shirt.

[hurricanes-art]

AU where Murtagh inherited Morzan's heterochromia