#it’s been less than two weeks and already i am failing to thrive

[willowgast]

(tw homophobia//continued in tags)

not ya girl having to out herself to Straight™ housemates in the middle of the night to convince them that saying the f-slur is not a good thing to do 🙃

[cherienymphe]

Stranger Beside Me (Steve Rogers x Reader)

WARNINGS: NON-CON, forced pregnancy, mentions of abortion, toxic relationships, domestic abuse, I don’t know if I’ve ever written anything this angsty in my life

DNI IF THIS OFFENDS YOU

Here is the long awaited boyfriend!Steve fic.

summary: you and Steve have the perfect relationship, and you want to keep it that way. It’s why he can never discover your secrets, but your secrets wouldn’t even exist if it weren’t for his own.

~

The first time you got pregnant, you had never been more disappointed with yourself in your life. Not even failing a major class during college had made you feel as bad as you did when you were staring at that little plastic stick, trying and desperately failing to convince yourself that you were just seeing double. How could you be so careless? How crazy it was to think that a small insignificant piece of plastic could change your mood and life so drastically.

You had sat down on the toilet and remained there for hours. So many thoughts were swirling in your head, possibilities that you didn’t even want to entertain but you found yourself doing so anyway. Eventually, you came to a conclusion that was easy to say: you weren’t ready for a baby. Admitting and accepting that wasn’t hard at all. The hard part was the question that followed. 

What were you going to do about it?

You had struggled with that particular part for days, and you were grateful more than ever that Steve was on a mission. You knew what he would do if he found out, what he would say, and it was an argument you were unprepared to have. You weren’t ready to break his heart like that and face the possibility that this could be the end for you.

Steve Rogers, Captain America himself, was the best boyfriend anyone could ask for. You were Pepper’s stylist, hired for special events, and having been in town for a company party thrown by Tony Stark himself, that was where you met Steve. The attraction was mutual, but you were a woman of the world, constantly jetting off to whatever celebrity needed you at the moment. A stationary girl trying to have a relationship with a superhero would be hard enough, let alone one whose feet never remained on the ground.

And that was what you told the blond avenger after the second time he slept over at your place. The first time, a week after the party, was only meant to be a one time thing. At least, that was your impression, but Steve liked you, and no matter how much you pretended you didn’t, you liked him too. Before you knew it, you were leading him into your apartment for a second time, mouth starved and hands searching. 

He was the most attentive lover you’d ever been with, touching you like you were nothing less than fine china, desperate for the taste of you on his lips. He held you like he was afraid to break you, and considering that the man was a super soldier, you understood that, but still. His touch, combined with the way he looked at you, made you feel like you were literally the only woman in the whole world. It was intense.

“I know,” he had sighed, staring up at the ceiling as you looked at him. “You just...make me feel so comfortable.”

You had frowned, never considering that. After all, this was only the second time you’d slept together. 

“I do?”

He turned to look at you, a small smile on his pink lips, blue eyes sparkling.

“Of course.”

You rolled over onto your stomach, resting on your forearms as he continued, watching as he reached out to brush a finger over the skin of your back.

“You don’t look at me like a superhero, but instead just some guy who is really great in bed.”

You let out a sheepish chuckle, dropping your head, and he joined you.

“Don’t feel bad. It’s surprisingly refreshing. It makes me feel like I have room to...be less than perfect,” he murmured.

Your eyes met his then, and despite the words never escaping his lips, they were front and center in his eyes, and you sighed.

“We would never work, Steve,” you whispered, surprised at how disappointed you sounded. “You’re always off saving the world, and I’m always off dressing it.”

He didn’t respond right away, mulling over what you said.

“Maybe that’s exactly why it would work,” he said, surprising you.

You frowned a bit before raising an eyebrow at him, curious as to how he came to that conclusion.

“I’ve tried to date. God knows I’ve tried to find a girl who wants Steve Rogers and not just the face of America…”

Steve sounded sad, maybe even a bit bitter.

“...but nevermind the fact that they only see the suit and shield, they’re always left to their cozy lifestyle while I'm off saving the world. They’re always waiting around for me, eating dinners alone, sleeping alone. Having a superhero boyfriend is never what they think it will be, never worth it, and while the breakup is expected, I still feel bad.”

Your heart clenched, and you found yourself scooting closer to him. He wrapped his big arm around you, pulling you into his chest, and his whole face shifted. He smiled at you, eyes hopeful.

“...but you? You’re running around the world almost as much as I am. By the time you even have time to miss me, I’ll already be there, and if not…”

He trailed off, but he didn’t need to say it. Your lifestyle wasn’t exactly compatible with a relationship. At least, not a conventional one anyway. Spending nights alone was normal for you, and having a boyfriend that wasn’t there half the time would hardly impact your lifestyle. 

You slowly returned his smile.

“Okay, Rogers. Maybe this could work.”

And work it did. 2 years and 7 months later, and the two of you were happier than ever. Tony was surprised that Steve found a girl who stuck around, and Pepper was surprised that you’d found someone who convinced you to settle down. You simply told her that Steve had made a convincing argument, but the truth was that Steve was genuinely the perfect boyfriend. You two talked whenever you could, and he had been right. By the time you even had time to miss him, he was somehow always there, knocking on the door of your apartment, doing so until he upgraded to waltzing through the door of your shared apartment. 

Steve treated you like a queen, constantly making you question how you got so lucky. He always kissed you like it was going to be the last time, and he made love to you like he was personally trying to drive you crazy with pleasure. You loved him, you loved him, you loved him. You had even told him first, and he had been sad because he had wanted to tell you first for a long time, and that made you sad. So you let him tell you, and then you said it back, and he’d made love to you like he never had before, and it was there, coming undone in his arms, that you told him you loved him again and again and again.

That was why he couldn’t find out you were pregnant. It would start an argument that would ruin you, ruin everything. Steve was hardly home, and you were no different, and while it was never a problem before, it was no environment to raise a baby in. This was the truth. This made sense. Your doctor agreed, and while Steve was off saving the world on an early weekday morning, you were doing what you felt was right.

The 2nd time you got pregnant, you weren’t just disappointed at your carelessness again, but you were also angry. It was no secret that Steve wanted a baby, probably since the first moment he saw you. You always noticed the way he looked at families, the way he smiled and waved at awestruck children. The man had probably come out of the womb ready to be a father, and you loved that about him. And it wasn’t like you didn’t want children too, you certainly did, but just not anytime soon.

You still had a thriving career, and so did he, and neither one of you seemed ready to give that up in the near future. A baby required sacrifice, and you weren’t ready for that yet, and if the way Steve readily took on missions was anything to by, neither was he. You knew that if he found out, he would fight to convince you to keep it, and you would fight to convince him that neither one of you were ready. Like before, you thought to yourself that it would start an argument that could very well be the end for you.

That was where the anger came in.

Why did you keep doing this? How did you keep doing this? Both of you had always been safe, never going without a condom, but after the first pregnancy, you had even gone on birth control too, paranoid and determined to be more responsible. Yet, here you were, pregnant again. You knew what this would do to your relationship, so how could you be so negligent again? It was as if you were subconsciously trying to ruin everything and you hated yourself for it.

Steve had not been away on a mission this time, and you immediately took all of the garbage out under the guise of cleaning the house. He seemed far more attentive that night than usual, but it could have just as easily been your own paranoia. His mouth covered yours in a heated kiss as he pressed his hips to yours, pulling a moan from you.

“God, you’re so beautiful,” he murmured into your mouth, pulling back before sliding into you again. 

Your legs were tight around his waist, and his hands were tight on yours. The only thing that filled the room was the sound of heavy moans and harsh breathing, occasionally interrupted by whatever Steve chose to say. It never not surprised you how much Steve enjoyed talking to you in bed. Praising you, degrading you, teasing you. He enjoyed making you squirm from more than just his cock.

“You know what would make you even more beautiful? Radiant?”

“What?” you breathed, hands running through his hair.

“A baby,” he mumbled, lips ghosting over your chin, making you freeze.

At first you thought that maybe he knew. Although there was no logical explanation for thinking that, you’d been very careful, you couldn’t help it. Your heart picked up the pace, but then you realized that Steve was just being Steve. He had mentioned children in passing, but it was done in the way that you mentioned children. Always in a future tense. It had never been like this, so straightforward and with a sense of urgency. 

He wanted a baby now.

“Come on,” you chuckled, trying to brush him off, attempting to press your lips against his.

He moved out of your reach, and you tried not to let it show how much you were bothered by this conversation. His blue eyes searched yours, a faint smile on his face as he hovered over you.

“I’m serious. Think about how beautiful you’d be, round and glowing with my child,” he continued, finally kissing you.

His hips snapped into yours, more force behind his thrusts, like the idea of you swollen with his child was the biggest turn on. You never even got a chance to truly voice your displeasure, a moaning and quivering mess until you finally came around him. Once your heart finally settled, you laid there, thinking about the fact that Steve wanted a baby now despite the fact that neither of your lifestyles could accommodate one. 

When he came back to bed after disposing of the condom, he pulled you into his arms, and you settled against him. He pressed his face into your hair, breathing you in, and you closed your eyes, feeling like the worst girlfriend in the world.

“I can’t wait til we never have to buy those again,” he whispered.

Your heart clenched, and you forced yourself to go to sleep by listing every reason you could think of as to why you were doing the right thing. A week later, Steve kissed you goodbye in the early hours of the morning before he had to leave on another mission. 2 hours later, you were in a doctor’s office doing what you felt was best.

The 3rd time you got pregnant, you were no longer disappointed. Not even angry, but just confused. You were leaning against the closed door of your bathroom, once again staring at that little piece of plastic with nothing but confusion. You were as careful as you could possibly be. After the 2nd pregnancy, you always triple checked to make sure that you never forgot your birth control. You made sure that the house was always stocked with condoms.

You didn’t understand it.

You had been startled by a knock on the door, and you hurriedly rushed to get rid of the test. You hadn’t realized how long you’d been in the bathroom, and Steve had started to get worried. At least, that was what he told you through the door.

“Are you okay?”

What a loaded question. Were you okay? Here you were, pregnant for the third time within a year and you couldn’t figure out how. Of course, it was obvious as to how, but it should have been very unlikely. You knew that condoms, even when paired with birth control, weren’t going to be 100% effective. You were an adult with common sense. That you understood. One unplanned pregnancy wasn’t the most ridiculous thing in the world. Shit happens.

Two within the same year still wasn’t absolutely crazy, but it was a little mind bending when you were more than careful.

But three? Three was concerning.

You opened the bathroom door with a soft smile, nodding at Steve as you stepped out.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

He looked like he didn’t quite believe you, but being the great boyfriend that he was, he didn’t press you further.

“Okay. Breakfast is on the table. Come eat?” he offered, holding out his hand.

You took it and allowed him to lead you to the dining room. Breakfast was as it always was. Steve told you about the last mission he’d just gotten back from only days ago, and you told him about the latest celebrity going through a meltdown over a dress. You enjoyed these talks with Steve, these moments with just the two of you, and you weren’t ready to alter that in any way. Not yet. 

Sometimes you felt like the worst girlfriend in the world, wondering if you were being selfish for wanting it to remain just the two of you for a little while longer. You adored children, but having them wasn’t just some hobby. You would no longer be able to put yourself first, and with so much of your life still ahead of you, you weren’t ready to stop being selfish.

And that was okay.

What wasn’t okay was the lies. No matter how you tried to spin it, no matter how many justifications you made, you were lying to Steve. Perhaps in one of the worst ways possible. Sometimes you felt like you should tell him, but what purpose would it serve? Nothing could be done about the past, and he’d only end up hating you. That was what you were really afraid of. Having Steve stare at you like he didn’t even know who you were.

But you knew how Steve could be. How clouded his mind could get when it came to children and starting a family. The man enjoyed a simple life. He was nostalgic for what he felt he missed out on, and while there was nothing wrong with that, you knew that he wasn’t going to hang up the shield for it. Just like you weren’t going to put your career on pause for it, and you had no intentions of just letting some stranger raise your child. 

You knew that neither one of you were willing to sacrifice in order to raise a baby in the proper environment. That was why during breakfast, as you held Steve’s hand while you two talked and ate, you decided to go through with it for a third time.

The first time had been hard. You kept second guessing everything. You knew that it was the right thing to do, but was it the right thing to do without telling Steve? Without getting his input? Without even giving him the chance to love this baby before you snatched it away? Your body, your choice right? But was it really that black and white? Was any of this fair to him? 

The second time had been easier. You still hadn’t felt any better about it, but at least you weren’t going through an internal crisis. At least you knew what to expect, because that had been the most nerve wracking part, fear of the unknown. Afterwards, your mood wasn’t as sullen for as long as it was after the first time. You had moved past it fairly quickly, but after all, you had been sure it would be the final time. 

The third time wasn’t anything like that. The guilt still ate away at you, but it seemed more like a standard doctor’s visit. A routine checkup. That was what you told Steve it was. He had offered to take you, but you had declined, and he had sent you off with a lingering kiss. You went to get some coffee from Starbucks afterwards.

The months that followed were filled with the usual bliss that surrounded your relationship. You two went to Tony’s parties, occasionally hung out at the compound with the rest of the team, and Steve took you out whenever he was home. Despite your relationship ruining secrets, everything was perfect.

Almost.

“Everytime you come to one of my little soirees, I keep expecting to see you 4 months pregnant,” Tony said, making you bark a laugh.

Steve only chuckled, and you squeezed his hand, sending him a soft smile. The baby talk had increased as of late, but truthfully, it had been gradually increasing for pretty much a year. If it hadn’t been obvious before, it was now. Steve was ready to have children, and while it had been a topic that was only thrown into conversation here and there, you found yourself skimming over the subject at least once a week these days.

Surely you would get to a point where a serious discussion about it would be unavoidable. Steve loved you, and you were sure that you could talk him into waiting. After all, it wasn’t like you would be saying you never wanted kids. Just not now.

“I’m serious. All ‘Capsicle’ here talks about is kids. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think the two of you had been trying for months,” the dark-haired man continued, taking a sip of his drink.

He was throwing his annual holiday party tonight, always placed in between Christmas and New Year’s, despite the fact that he threw parties on those days too. You just thought that Tony liked any excuse to party and drink.

“Sadly no,” Steve said, his tone surprising you. “We’re still just enjoying each other as much as we can. Right?”

He looked at you, and your smile faltered a bit, but you nodded. That was what you always told him whenever the topic came up. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say that Steve sounded bitter, upset even. You turned away from him, taking a sip of your champagne with a frown. You suddenly wondered if he knew, but that was easily dismissed. If Steve knew that you had secretly aborted 3 of his children, you’d be on the receiving end of more than just a strained smile and a passive aggressive tone. 

You worried that tonight would be the night where you’d have the big talk, where you’d have to come out and tell Steve to give you more time. It was wild to think that even though there was nothing wrong with waiting to have kids, you felt horrible about asking Steve to do so. Maybe it was because he’s so sweet? Or because he’s literally never asked you for anything else? Or maybe it was because you had deprived him of what he wanted three times over and the guilt was getting to you.

However, you weren’t able to do that. You hadn’t even realized that you had started to sway until the glass in your hand hit the floor, shattering upon impact. Steve had only a second to turn towards you before you were collapsing in his waiting arms. Against your will, you succumbed to darkness.

When you woke up, you were in the compound. You had been in the infirmary a handful of times so it was recognizable almost immediately. Nat was there when you woke up, and she sent you a small nervous smile.

“Well, hello sleepyhead. You gave us all quite the scare,” she murmured.

You hummed, briefly shutting your eyes as you pressed your hand to your head.

“Sorry. What...what happened?”

“You fainted,” she said, handing you the glass of water that was beside the bed.

You gratefully took it, gulping it down, surprised at how thirsty you were. You thanked her when you handed it back to her and was just about to ask her where Steve was when he strode through the door. His lips were pressed together, and you worried that he’d worried about you, but the sparkle in his eyes betrayed him, and you frowned.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Nat said before making to leave. “Take care of her, Steve.”

He was at your side just as the door shut behind her, and your frown deepened when a blinding smile spread over his lips. You were confused as he took your hand, keeping his lips there as he kissed it.

“Steve…?”

He shook his head.

“Sorry,” he said, sitting down next to you on the bed, facing you as he held your hand. 

The other reached out to brush over your cheek and across your jaw. Despite your confusion, you placed your hand on his, blinking at him, a bit unnerved by the look in his eye. 

You hadn’t seen that look since before you two officially became a couple.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Everything is more than okay.”

He leaned in to press his lips against yours, soft and loving, and you kissed him back. When he pulled away, he looked at you like you were the most precious thing he’d ever seen, like you’d break with one touch.

“You’re pregnant,” he told you.

Your lips parted as his words washed over you, and you struggled to find something to say.

“...what?”

He repeated it with a smile, kissing you again before pulling you into a hug, one you did not return. Everything after that was a blur. Tony came in to make sure everything was fine. Dr. Cho said you were 4 weeks along is what he told you. He’d offered his congratulations, Steve took you home and wasted no time before wrapping his arms around you.

His touch was gentle throughout the night, but it lingered as if he never wanted to stop touching you. You don’t know how many times he made you come around him, but Steve didn’t seem to care about your exhaustion. With his lips constantly attached to your skin, he only cared about getting drunk off the taste of you. You let him have you as much as he wanted. You let him rejoice in this, because it was the least you could do before you broke his heart. 

He was awake in the morning before you, and the smell of breakfast cooking made your stomach growl. Gratefully, you didn’t seem to have any morning sickness, but your stomach still twisted from something entirely different as you made your way to the kitchen. Steve looked like anyone’s dream as he stood there in a fitted t-shirt and pajamas, pushing food onto a plate for you.

“Morning,” you mumbled.

He looked up and approached you with a smile, pressing a kiss to your lips as he returned your greeting.

“Go sit down. I’ll bring you your food,” he told you.

Reluctantly, you did so. You were quiet as he joined you, and you started nibbling on your food.

“Sweetheart,” he scolded at the action. “You’re eating for two now. You need to eat all of it.”

He was right, and under different circumstances you would do as he encouraged, but there was no point in putting this off.

“Steve, I don’t want to have this baby.”

You hadn’t mean to say it so bluntly, but there was no easy way to say it. There was no sense in hesitating. Steve froze almost immediately, and you reluctantly met his eyes as he stared at you. He rested his forearms on the table, a small frown on his face. He looked equal parts floored and confused and hurt, and you sighed.

“...what?”

“We’re not ready,” you whispered.

Steve scoffed, shaking his head at you.

“Of course, we are,” he argued.

“So you’re ready to give up being Captain America?” you asked him.

He hesitated, and you nodded.

“...exactly. You’re not, and that’s okay, and I would never ask you to, but that’s what's going to be required if we’re going to start a family now. You like doing what you do, and I like doing what I do. Neither one of us are ready to put a stop to any of it, at least not for the time being.”

“To be fair, I save lives. There will always be some Hollywood starlet who needs a dress or the latest shoes,” he replied.

“Excuse me?” you scoffed, looking at him like he’d slapped you.

He suddenly huffed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he eventually said. “I’m just saying that putting that on hold for a few years will hardly impact you. You can always pick it up again like you never left.”

“And why am I the one who has to sacrifice, Steve? You aren’t the only superhero-!”

“Hey, hey, I’m sorry,” he cut you off as your voice started to rise, reaching for your hand.

He brushed his thumb along the back in what was meant to be a soothing getsure, but you were still a bit heated at the way he’d diminished your career. 

“I’m sorry, okay? I just… I know that it’s going to be difficult-.”

“It’s going to be more than difficult. We’re talking about a baby! Both of us need to be here,” you told him.

He heaved a sigh, staring at you.

“So what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I don’t want to have a baby right now. Maybe in a few years, sure, but neither one of us are willing to sacrifice.”

You watched as his jaw ticked, eyes narrowing just a bit as he considered your words.

“So what does that mean?”

You crossed your arms over your chest as you leaned back, avoiding his eye.

“Y/N?”

“Steve-.”

“What the hell are you saying?”

You flinched, not used to Steve cursing, and you knew that he was angry. This very conversation was what you had tried so hard to prevent, and once again, you were cursing yourself for your negligence. How on earth did you manage to get pregnant again?

You stood from the table, trying to put off this fight for five more minutes, the same fight you’d been trying to prevent for a year. You and Steve hardly ever fought, but when you did, it was for the silliest of things. Things you’d both look back on and laugh at.

Not this.

You heard Steve follow you, and his grip on your wrist was hard as he pulled you to a halt. You spun around to face him like he’d lost his mind. You tried to get out of his hold, but he wasn’t budging. He knew what you were implying, what you planned to do, and he was angrier than you’d ever seen him.

“This is my decision,” you quietly told him, making his eyes darken. “You don’t have to agree with it, you don’t even have to like it, but you can’t make me go through with this pregnancy. Neither one of us are ready.”

“So I get no say?”

He tilted his head at you, and you blinked away tears.

“I don’t want this right now, Steve. I don’t, and I’m not going to change my mind, so what do you suggest we do?”

His face softened a bit, and he stepped closer.

“Let’s give it a try. Don’t put your career on hold, okay? We’ll try to make it work-.”

He cut himself off as you started to shake your head.

“No. I’m not going to take a gamble with our child’s livelihood. There should be no ‘trying to make it work’. When you bring a baby into this world, everyone involved should be 100% on board. Things need to start moving into place to accommodate that child. This is not how it should be.”

Steve swallowed, nostrils flaring as you argued, and you sighed again. The silence that followed was heavy, thick with tension and anger and an impending sense of doom. You loved Steve, but not enough to force yourself into having a baby for him. Your chest ached, and you wanted to cry.

“If...if this means that you don’t want to be with me anymore, then I understand, but… I’m not having this baby.”

He let you go, crossing his arms over his chest, and you stood there, waiting for the verdict. His tongue poked at the inside of his cheek, jaw moving as he grinded his teeth.

“We’re not breaking up.”

He continued before you could feel an ounce of relief.

“...and you’re not getting rid of my child.”

You rolled your eyes, swallowing another sigh as you rubbed your forehead.

“Steve-.”

“Do you hear me? You are not getting rid of my child,” he spat.

He stepped closer, and you found yourself narrowing your eyes at him.

“I went through a great deal of trouble to make sure you got pregnant in the first place, and you think I’m just going to let you get rid of it? Let all of it be in vain?”

His words sucked the air out of you, and your eyes widened as the gravity of them fully hit you. Your mouth parted, but no words came out because what could you say? You couldn’t even describe the shock and horror and disgust that tore through you in that moment, and you slowly took a step back from him.

You raised your hands in front of you as your mind whirled, eyes focused on the floor as you blinked. His confession finally put things into perspective. His words put the pieces together, and your breathing grew shallow as you processed the truth.

“I knew it.”

Your words were barely a whisper, but Steve heard you nonetheless, and you took another step back when he walked towards you.

“I knew it. I knew it. I knew it,” you quietly chanted to yourself.

That was the only thing running through your mind. Had your love for Steve allowed you to ignore what was right in front of you? You were diligent with your contraceptive, so so many pregnancies in such a short time had never made sense. You kept blaming yourself despite what was so obvious. Sure, Steve was family obsessed, but you had never considered the possibility. Or did you simply never want to?

You looked up at him like he was a stranger, vision blurry from your tears, and you shook your head.

“I knew it,” you cried. “I fucking knew it.”

Steve’s eyes were narrowed, and his head was cocked to the side, something in his eyes that scared you. 

“I kept wondering and wondering how it kept happening. How did I keep getting pregnant? It made no sense,” you said, more to yourself than him. “...and everytime...I felt bad. I felt like such a horrible girlfriend, and the whole time…”

You yelped when Steve’s hand made its way to your neck, pushing your back into the wall. His blue eyes were dark and venomous, a thunderous look on his beautiful face.

“You killed them?”

You didn’t respond, opting instead for fighting against him, but he wouldn’t move.

“I knew you should’ve been pregnant a long time ago. I made sure of it! And here I was thinking I did something wrong, that I messed up-.”

“Get off of me!”

You didn’t want to hear anything else about his fucked up plan, about how long he’d been doing this. You wanted him off of you and away from you. He pulled you away from the wall before slamming you back against it, making you gasp. You reached up to his chest and neck, desperately trying to get him off, but he only pressed himself more firmly against you.

“Steve,” you begged.

“You don’t know how badly I want to hurt you right now for what you did,” he sneered.

Your heart sank, and you thought to yourself that his lack of self awareness was astounding. How long had Steve been this way? Had he always been like this? How was it possible that you didn’t know your boyfriend at all?

“...but I’m sure that I can look past your betrayal when you are swollen and glowing with my child. That will make it all worth it.”

He kissed you, hard, and you screamed into his mouth. His hands pushed at the t-shirt you were wearing, his shirt, and your hands pushed at him. He lifted you until your thighs were on either side of his hips, and the sound of your hands hitting his skin filled the room. The food was barely thought about as he pressed your back to the table, pinning you down.

You were more terrified than you were five minutes ago, knowing what was about to happen no matter how much you wished you were wrong. Steve Rogers, Captain America himself, your boyfriend, was about to rape you and force you to keep his baby. It was a sentence you had the hardest time accepting, and all of your overwhelming emotions spilled over, turning you into a sobbing mess.

Did you really miss this, or was he just so good at hiding who he truly was? 

Your hits were doing nothing as he reached between you, struggling to release himself with all of your movement. His free hand grabbed both of yours, holding them to your stomach just as he pushed into you. You threw your head back and cried, wondering how you got here. To think, you had thought that you were so lucky. You had thought that you were a terrible girlfriend for what you had been doing. Life was funny that way.

Your body had grown to crave Steve’s. He’d learned how to condition you so well that your core immediately started to clench around him with every thrust. You hated it, and you turned your head away, not wanting to witness him taint something that had never been anything but loving for you. His lips were on your jaw, searching for yours, and you tried to push against his hand.

With his other hand now free, he used them both to pin yours down beside you, lips finally finding yours despite your evident protest. You kept turning your head away, and he kept following. He tasted the inside of your mouth, hips pressing into yours over and over. The table beneath you shook from the force, and your stomach clenched with the pleasure that he was forcing onto you.

How did he do it? Clearly he’d poked a hole in every condom, but you knew it required more than that. Had he replaced your birth control with placebos? Had he acted alone? Tony had just about everything known to man at his disposal. Had he been in on it too?

“You’re going to look so beautiful,” he whispered into your mouth.

Another sob hit you, and you shook.

“You’re going to be absolutely radiant, and you’ll be just as beautiful when you walk down the aisle.”

You gasped at this, increasing your struggle, but he simply pulled your wrists away from the table before slamming them down. You winced in pain, and he hummed.

“...and I’ll fill you up again and again and again.”

You kicked your legs around him, body trembling as hysterical sobs left you, shuddering with every thrust into your dripping core. A particularly hard thrust pushed you over the edge, and the way you fluttered around him triggered his own climax. He came inside of you with a groan, wrapping his arms around you, preventing you from fighting back at all as he pinned your arms to your side.

His cock was still hard and still inside of you, his lips pressing kisses to your face. You felt like you were in a bad dream, and you wanted to wake up so badly. His lips traveled to your ear, brushing along the skin, and a shudder passed through you.

“Everyone will know that I tamed you, that I broke you until you were mine in every way.”

~

tags:  @darkficreposter​​​​ @xoxabs88xox​​​​ @harryspet​​​​ @readermia​​​​ @opheliadawnwalker3​​​ @nickyl316h​​​​ @captainchrisstan​​​​ @sebabestianstan101​​​​ @villanellevi​​​​ @lokislastlove​​​​ @notyourtypicalrose​​​​ @coconutqueen21​​​​ @hurricanerin​​​ @trinittyy​​​ @hyoyeoniie​​​ @kellyn1604​​​ @sherrybaby14​​​ @cocoamoonmalfoy​​ @mandiiblanche​​ @gotnofucks​​ @oneoftheprettynerds​​ @doozywoozy​​ @sapphirescrolls​​ @threeminutesoflife​​ @searchforanotherway​​ @mcudarklibrary​ @ksjksjkv​

[nyxdelanuit]

Feral (Tendou x F! Reader)

Hey! Here’s Nyx being super late with a collab fic for the Haikyuu Headquarters Collab, which can be found here! 

Special shout outs to @the-great-queen and @fallingintoimagination for getting me hooked on Feral Tendy <3 and @mammonrights for bein a heathen with me.

Warnings: Biting, Marking, Slight breeding kink cause it’s me, A lil bit of predator/prey play, and NSFW abound~ 

You quite enjoyed the calm, lazy weekends where you curled up with a book or movie, ignoring the outside world and the coming work week. The same couldn’t be said for your friend, currently draped over your lap, whining.

 "I'm so bored, let's do something fun." Tendou looked up at you with pleading eyes as you kept watching your show. You were only a few episodes out from the season finale, and you weren't too keen on stopping now.

 "I am having fun, Sa-to-ri." You grinned, glancing down at him, "It's not my fault you don't have any taste." He pouted at you, the teasing something that had thrived in your friendship.

 “It’s not my fault I’ve already read the whole series before the show started. I could tell you what happens if you want.” Your attention turned fully to him, what he wanted all along.

 "You wouldn't dare, Tendou." You tried to keep your gaze hard on him, despite the growing grin on his face.

“Ooh, pulling out the last name, that hurts.” He put a mocking hand over his chest. “And I wouldn’t have to ruin the whole series for you if you just entertained me a little.” You huffed, pausing the show and giving him an unamused glare.

"Fine, and what do you want to do exactly?" He sat up, leaning in close to you. You could feel the heat of your face at his nearness but kept up your mask. It wasn't new for you and Tendou to flirt like this, but it never failed to excite you.

 “Would you believe me if I said you?” The coy grin he wore made you roll your eyes.

 “No.” You turned your face away, trying to calm your desperate heartbeat before you gave him more ammunition to tease you. His calloused fingers slid under your chin, bringing your face back to his gaze.

 "I think you're lying… you want it, don't you?" You bit your tongue softly, trying to weigh your options. Tendou would notice right away if you lied, and you wouldn't dare tell him the truth, that you had been dreaming of the day he'd finally make a real move.

 It seemed Tendou was especially impatient that day, pressing a light kiss to your lips before retreating, hopping off your couch to stretch. “Let’s play tag.”

 You were snapped out of your stupor at the kiss by his words, wondering if you had possibly imagined it. "W-what?" His eyes drifted to yours with a predatory smile.

 “Tag. If you can keep away from me for… hmm… fifteen minutes, you win. We keep watching your show, no more complaints from me.” You furrowed your brows.

 “Satori, we’re not kids anymore. I figured you’d want to go out to a club or something, why tag?”

 “Cause it’s fun. Live a little, play tag with me.” He shrugged and held out a hand, which you reluctantly took, pulling you to your feet.

 “Fine, and what happens if I lose?” His eyes glittered with a curious mischievousness, and you were almost tempted to pull your hand away.

 "I'll think of something. Now for the rules. No leaving the house, no locking doors. I'll give you a 30-second head start. You can hide if you really want to." His grin only grew as he spoke, showing his excitement for your little game. You rolled your eyes again, ignoring the spark of adrenaline that ran through your veins. "Sound good to you?"

 "Yeah, sure, Satori."

 "Then… Run." The look in his eyes sent a shiver down your spine, and you couldn't help but wonder if this was how a rabbit felt staring into the eyes of a wolf. Once he started counting, you were pulled from your frozen state, turning and bolting down the hallway. You could still hear him, his singing echoing through your house as he counted down the seconds to his hunt. With no more than a handful of seconds left, you crept into the ancient wardrobe in your room, thankful you hadn't had the time to fill it properly. You bit at your lip, trying to get the door to close from the inside was harder than you expected.

 Your breath hitched as you heard his footsteps, far too close for you to fiddle with the door anymore. You pressed yourself into the dark of the wardrobe, hoping it was enough to conceal you as his shadow snuffed out what remained of the light.

 Your hands flew to your mouth, holding in your breath along with the whine that threatened to escaped as he paused in front of you.

 “Come on out sweetness, maybe I’ll make your punishment something we’ll both enjoy?” His voice was deeper than usual, a darkness you’d only caught glimpses of before now on full display. You shouldn’t be enjoying this as much as you were, the heat pooling in your stomach as he lingered. Something about the tension, the anticipation of being found was a drug to you.

 He slowly moved away, something you only noticed by the return of the light. You sat for several long moments, trying to hear past the blood rushing in your ears as you peeked through the door. The room in front of you was empty, and he could no longer be heard. If you wanted to run, now would be the time. Cautiously, you pushed open the door, creeping out one leg at a time until you released a shuddering breath, straightening your clothes.

 "You should probably run now, little lamb." The voice made you jump, even more so the sight of Tendou, leaning against the door you had just open, a malicious grin splitting his face in two. You ran without any thought, slamming doors behind you as you tried and failed to remember your house's layout. Every step, every labored breath you took, you could hear him nearing. You could feel him hot on your heels, to the point where the doors were no longer falling closed behind you, merely bouncing off his extended arm, slamming against the wall.

 You had made a mistake somewhere in your panic. A room with no other doors, no easy means of escape, just you and Tendou standing at separate sides of the room. All you could do was watch as he closed in, your heart jack-hammering against its cage. The only way out was around, to fake out the former Guess Monster of Shiratorizawa.

 Breathe in, breathe out- glance to the side, opposite of where you were planning of going. Your mind was working faster than you thought possible, acting on the barest hint of thoughts as Tendou's hands neared you. You ducked, somehow slipping through the narrow escape between his arm and his body. Your lungs burned as you ran, the peals of laughter echoing throughout the halls as the hunt continued. How long could fifteen minutes be?

 Each step, each ragged breath sent a fire through your veins. Maybe Tendou had the right idea, when was the last time you felt this alive? Slipping through doorways, skidding along tiled floors, nervous laughter seeping through your lips as his cackling rang in your ears. Faster, quicker, just seconds ahead of his hands, you ran. You couldn't hide, not anymore, all you could do was hope that you were faster than him until the clock ran out.

 You somehow found yourself back where you started, the timer of his phone counting down the last seconds of your game. You had won, you knew it, just a few more seconds…

 A shrill scream tore through your throat; you had let yourself get distracted. Calloused fingers wrapped around you, holding your arms tight to your chest as the alarm rang through the house. You had almost won… Tendou pulled you flush against his chest, every inch of him wrapped around you, pressed against your back.

 “Too bad, little lamb.” He taunted, his lips brushing against your ear. “You were so close.” You hadn’t even noticed the whine that escaped you until you heard him chuckle, low and dark. “You stopped there near the end… did you want me to catch you that bad?” You shook your head, belatedly noticing how his hands sunk into the plush of your chest. “You can deny it to yourself all you want, but your body says differently. You haven’t even tried to slip away.” He moved his head to brush his lips against your neck, the barest brushes of skin. There was no fighting the shiver of pleasure that ran down your spine or the gasp that slipped past your lips.

 You resisted even less when he turned you, pressing your chests together as his head dipped to kiss you hungrily. You opened to his whims easily, tongue and teeth clashing with no other thought than the hunger that burned deep in your stomach. When had your hands buried themselves in his? When had he stopped kissing you in favor of trailing bites down the length of your neck? It was happening so quickly, and yet it seemed as if this had been building up as long as you could remember. He devoured you, as he did so many other things. Headfirst into his passion with little regard to anything else as his rough hands slid under your shirt, quickly pulling it up and over your head. He barely pulled away to pull his own off by the collar, whipping it to the abyss that existed outside of you and him.

 Throughout the house, he led you, a trail of clothes littering your path. He was nothing but a storm of lips and teeth, marking every inch of skin he could reach, claiming you as his prize. He hadn't even stripped you of your underwear, but the way he was grinding against you, laving his tongue over the deep imprints of his teeth had you writhing for release. Finally, a single finger dipped between you, dragging over your covered folds and feeling the dampness that made the fabric cling to your skin.

 “Pretty little lamb, I’m going to destroy you.” He chuckled, his breath falling heavily against your neck. You nodded, already a whining mess.

 “Please, Satori… I want you, please.” Was that your voice? You hardly recognized it, buried beneath all the lust and longing weighing down the tone.

 He spoke mockingly as he slowly pulled the last scrap of fabric down your legs. “I knew you wanted me, little lamb… but I didn’t mind playing our little game to make you admit it. You opened your mouth to refute him, to say something in your defense, but the only thing that came out was a sinful moan as his teeth sunk into your thigh, marking you so close to where you wanted him.

 Words failed you, lost in the haze that was Tendou Satori, and all you could do was pull him in closer, desperate to feel him inside of you. He fit against you so well, the feeling of his lips on yours was a drug like no other. You melted against his touch, conforming to his body as he hitched your leg high up on your hip. His touch on your hip was firm, holding you still as he teased at your entrance, watching your face with a sadistic smile.

 Ever so slowly, he sunk in, his mouth open as he let the softest of groans escape him while he watched you writhe as you tried to push down further on his length. "You know, little lamb… I never said what I would take as my prize…" You attempted to clear your cloudy eyes, focusing on his gluttonous face.

 "I thought this…" A sharp thrust, bottoming Tendou's length inside you brought your sentence to a breathy end, but you tried to continue on, "I thought I was your prize?"

 “Hmm… but you gave yourself over to me without me even asking… I guess I’ll just have to cum in you as my prize.” It shouldn’t sound so appealing falling from his lips, but all you could do was keen out, desperate for him to take you in any and all ways he wanted. He won you fair and square.

 “Please, Satori, whatever you want, just move!” His smile darkened, a calloused finger coming up to brush lightly against your cheek.

 “How can I resist when you beg so nicely for it?” With that last word, his hands returned to your hips, holding on in a bruising grip as he pulled out slowly, watching the tears gather on your lashes as you pleaded for him to move faster. As soon as the tip traced your entrance, something in him snapped. He bucked into you wildly, pulling a loud moan from your lungs.

 Gone was your lazy, teasing friend that you spent calm Sundays with, replaced with a hungry animal, intent on devouring you from the inside out. Each roll of his hips pushed you further from your thoughts, focusing only on the carnal way he hunched over you, sucking deep marks into your skin to remind you long after this was over of what he turned you into. Just a mewling, desperate mess, falling apart underneath him, pliant to his every touch. And touch he did, imprints of his hands seemed to be carved into your hips, the ghost of his teeth in every bite he laid on your skin still stinging, only heightening the pleasure of his cock pistoning within you.

 The pleasure became overwhelming, and you dug your nails into his shoulder, desperate for anything to ground yourself in this moment. It only spurred him on further, a deep growl rumbling in his chest as you marked him in kind. Some small stake that showed you weren't just a passive participant in his game. You pulled him close with the grip you held on his shoulders, panting heavily on his shoulder before you bit into his neck, mirroring one of the many marks he had left on you. The whine you pulled from his throat only made you moan against his skin as he pushed your legs higher, trying to find a better angle to sink into you as you savagely attacked his neck.

 You only pulled away when you felt the peak growing impossibly close, a breathy moan of his name bringing him back to himself.

 “Please, Satori, I’m so close.” You let the tears spill from your lashes, twin rivers framing your face as you stared up at him, pleading. “Fill me up, please.” He groaned lowly, pulling back just enough to sneak a hand between your bodies. Those stupid, calloused fingers you had grown to appreciate so quickly deftly found your clit, sensitive from all the friction of his rutting, and he relentlessly assaulted the swollen nub. You felt him start to twitch inside you as you tensed, finally cresting in pleasure.

 He was thrown violently into his orgasm as you cried out his name, clenching your fists around his shoulders once more. Each thrust as he worked through his release brought you closer to over-stimulation, the added friction on the edge of pain as he filled you.

 The house was finally quiet, the only sound coming from your intermingling breaths, heavy and satisfied. He collapsed next to you, content to relax against your pillows as you processed all that had just happened. When you remained silent, he turned his eyes to you with a grin. “We can go watch that show now.”

 You couldn’t stop the nervous giggle that escaped you. “After all that, you want to go watch that show?” He nodded, smirking.

 "Yeah, why not?" He sat up, stretching out his shoulders, and giving you a good view of the angry red lines you had left all over him.

 “So… do we just pretend this didn’t happen?”

 "I don't know what you mean, I thought I made it pretty clear." You wished you could see his face as he got up for even a hint of how he felt.

 “What do you mean, Satori?”

 “I won you.” He sung, “I marked you inside and out. You’re mine now.” He turned with a mischievous grin, and you wouldn’t be surprised if this was the outcome he wanted when he walked through your door this morning. Still, you stood, walking over to him and running a hand down his chest.

 “You did, didn’t you?” With your confirmation, his grin softened to a more sincere smile, ducking to place a kiss to your cheek.

 “So, time for your show, little lamb?”

[writingwhimsey]

Lady of Azuchi Ch. 3

Chapter 3

It was just a couple of weeks later, I sat in a room of the castle with Hideyoshi and Ieyasu. We were interviewing midwives to find the perfect one for me. "What are your survival rates?" Ieyasu asked of the middle aged woman sitting in front of us.

"Very good. I have only had three mothers I have ever lost during the birthing process." She answered. "And I have helped to welcome countless babies into this world."

"And the survival of the children?" I asked, thinking of my baby.

"That number...has been a bit higher, but sometimes it cannot be helped." She answered.

"Thank you for your time." Hideyoshi said, dismissing the midwife.

The next one came in. She was the oldest of the candidates we had met with so far. "How long have you been a midwife?" Ieyasu began the questioning.

"Since I was a young girl, why many more years than the three of you have been alive combined." She answered.

Part of me liked her spunk, but then the other part of me wasn't a fan of that attitude. Just because someone had experience did not mean that it was all good.

"How many mothers and babies have you lost?" Hideyoshi asked.

It felt so weird to have to ask these questions. If I had been in the modern day, I would be seeing a doctor in a hospital with little worry about surviving or losing my child. While I knew things still went wrong in the modern day, they were far less likely.

"I try not to focus on my losses. Sometimes you can't save them." She answered. "It's usually only the weak ones who are not meant for this world anyways."

"I think we've heard enough." I said.

"Yes, thank you for your time." Hideyoshi said, sending her out and then the next one was in.

We went through a stream of midwives almost none of them getting past our first few questions. We finally encountered one who made it through the survival rate questions, having only lost one mother and baby.

"And what is your philosophy on a woman's activity during pregnancy?" I asked, knowing that in modern times we have learned that remaining active is actually good for mother and baby as long as it is within reason.

"Depends on the woman." She answered, eyeing me. "In your case, I would say that you need to rest more than most. You seem a bit weak."

"You do realize you are speaking to the wife of Nobunaga Oda?" Hideyoshi said to the woman. "She is quite strong to be our lord's partner."

"I call them as I see them." She replied.

"Next." I said not wanting to hear anymore of this.

Another string of interviews with women who had great survival rates, but terrible bedside manners. Our final interview of the day was a woman who appeared about my age. She had long dark hair she wore half up and half down. She also had striking green eyes and a warm smile.

"What are your survival rates?" Ieyasu asked.

"I have only ever lost one mother, but the child survived and is thriving when last I checked on her." She answered. "Which was about a week ago and she is three now. I've also only lost one child, but the mother survived and has even gone on to have more children who are healthy and thriving. She still grieves for her lost child from time to time, but with the proper support has been able to heal."

"You follow up with your patients after they are no longer in your care?" I asked, intrigued that post partum care was something this woman was thinking of.

"Yes. I believe it is important to follow up after the birth and help in any way I can." She answered. "Especially to check on the mothers. Many times a mother does not die during the birthing process but from infection and undetected injury afterwards...or in some cases she the emotional toll is too hard for her afterwards."

I was already impressed and finally feeling hopeful after all of our failed interviews so far today. Though when she spoke that last part, I thought I saw sadness in her eyes. "And how do you feel about a woman's activity during pregnancy?" I asked next.

"Pregnant women are able to carry on with most of their normal every day activities. Within reason of course. Not lifting anything too heavy and making sure to rest when tired and take frequent breaks." She answered. "I believe you should listen to your body and what it is telling you."

"And how do you feel about letting someone assist you? I mean with making sure Lady Ava were to be getting the right herbs and medicine during and after the pregnancy?" Ieyasu asked.

"I am open to whatever makes my patient most comfortable." She answered. "Most importantly, my priority would be to make sure Lady Ava and the baby are both safe and comfortable. I also believe there is always something new to learn."

"What is your name?" I asked her.

"Asuna."

"You've got the job." I said. I liked everything she said and felt most comfortable with her.

"Hold on a moment." Hideyoshi spoke up. "There are more questions we should be asking."

"Hideyoshi I am the one who is pregnant and I get the final say." I said. "Asuna clearly cares about her patients and has a very high success rate. Not to mention she believes in after care, something the other midwives have yet to mention."

"I do not mind answering more questions, my lady." Asuna said. "I am sure that there are things Lord Hideyoshi wishes to know about me in order to help protect you. I know how loyal he is to Lord Nobunaga and therefore he must be equally loyal to you as you are clearly important to Lord Nobunaga."

"Ava is important to all of the Oda forces." Hideyoshi spoke up. "Even before she was Lord Nobunaga's wife."

"She was our chatelaine." Ieyasu agreed. "And the soldiers all do find her endearing."

I smiled, happy that they cared for me. Even Ieyasu in his prickly tone was admitting it.

"Are you prepared Asuna to move into the castle to be sure you can care for Ava whenever necessary?" Hideyoshi asked. "You will be provided with a room and meals, but you must be dedicated solely to caring for our lady."

"While I normally wouldn't agree to that, I know the other midwives I work with can handle anyone who normally comes to us." Asuna answered. "It would be my honor to help deliver the next generation of the Oda and to assure your health and safety in the process, my lady."

"I am sorry to ask for so much of your time." I said.

"It is alright. The other midwives that I work with all have the same treatment style as I do." Asuna said. "I will not worry too much for our patients."

Though I could tell that this was a rather large sacrifice for her. She struck me as the type who really did care and got involved. "You are my midwife." I said. Then I looked at Hideyoshi, daring him to say otherwise.

Hideyoshi let out a sigh. "You know, if I didn't know any better I'd think it was Lord Nobunaga looking at me right now. You two are really starting to pick up things from each other."

I couldn't think at all what he could mean by that. Especially considering I don't think I gave any of my influences to Nobunaga...at least not where anyone else would notice. Many people still feared him as a great conqueror, which he still was. But I and only I got to see the soft gentle side of Nobunaga. Sure he showed me affection in front of the others, but he had never shied away from touching me in front of others before...even before we were actually a couple.

"It appears our lady has spoken and she is impressed with you." Hideyoshi relented.

"I am impressed as well." Ieyasu admitted.

"So, you have the job."

Asuna smiled. "Great!"

"We will give you the week to get everything in order so you can move into the castle." Hideyoshi explained. "When you return we will show you to your room."

"I appreciate the time to get things settled for my absence." She said. "And I appreciate the chance to work for the Oda." She then bowed before exiting.

I looked over at Hideyoshi who was watching Asuna leave, a look of unease in his eyes. He almost looked at her the same way he had looked at me when I first arrived. "Are you...suspicious of her Hideyoshi?" I asked.

"What? No why would you think that?" He asked.

"Because you were giving her the same look you gave me when I first arrived here nine months ago."

"There is nothing wrong. I am not worried." Hideyoshi replied and gave me a reassuring pat on the head.

I knew better with Hideyoshi. Worrying about everyone else was pretty much his entire life. However before I could say anything more, Kinu was coming to tell me that the head seamstress was looking for me, saying that they could really use my help. I went to join them and spent the rest of my day working on commissions which were requested of me.

At sunset I finished my work and was given a message to meet Nobunaga in his private bath. I walked into the room and looked around. "Nobunaga?" I called, though I didn't see him anywhere nor did he answer me.

I must have beat him. I decided to go ahead and remove my robes and climb in the tub, which was really a large shallow pool filled with warm water. I sighed in contentment as the warm water surrounded me and relaxed me. I was releasing tension I didn't even know I'd been holding.

I heard the door slide open and then footsteps walking in the room. "I see you beat me here." Nobunaga greeted me. I looked up as he removed his robes and waded into the water to join me.

"I didn't mean to get started without you, but the water was just too warm and inviting." I replied.

Nobunaga smiled at me as he pulled me up into his arms, pressing his body to mine. "I don't mind. I think coming into you in my bath already should happen more often. The sight of you is always welcome."

I smiled as I leaned into him. "I think we can arrange that."

Nobunaga kissed me then. His tongue easily slipping between my parted lips and teasing mine. He broke the kiss then only to trail kisses over my cheek and along my jaw. He kissed down my neck, playfully nipping along the way and then back up to my ear, where he knew I was too sensitive.

"Ah...mhn..." I moaned and I felt his lips curve into a smile as his teeth grazed across my ear.

"Always with such strong reactions." Nobunaga said, his voice teasing. His hands then found their way to my breasts. His calloused fingers pinched and tugged at my nipples.

Normally this would also bring out a strong reaction in me, however I found that this hurt. "Ouch."

Nobunaga paused and pulled back from my ear to look at me, his eyes concerned. "Have I hurt you?"

I shook my head. "No...it's just...my breasts are kind of sore." I answered sheepishly.

He frowned, but removed his hands from my breasts. Then he leaned down to place gentle kisses on them as if apologizing.

"I'm sorry."

He looked down at me, his eyes showing nothing but love to me. "You have nothing to apologize for...some changes are to be expected right now." He said, his eyes travelling down to my stomach, showing such tender affection. He then kissed my forehead.

I smiled up at him. Oh how I love this man. I thought. "You know...you can go back to the other stuff though." I said, not wanting our bath to end on that note.

Nobunaga chuckled and pulled my lips to his, kissing me deeply once more. He let his hands travel low over my body, careful as they slid down my breasts with only the lightest of touches. He slid one hand down the front and then between my thighs, his fingers stoking me in the most sensitive of places.

I moaned into his mouth as his fingers worked me, threatening to make me come undone already. While my breasts have grown painfully sensitive, it appears the rest of me is sensitive in the good way. I thought. Pregnancy giveth and pregnancy taketh.

Nobunaga broke the kiss, but still held me close with one arm and continued to ravish me with the other. His lips went back to my neck and ear.

A fire pooled low in my belly. "Ah...Nobu...naga." I cried out. "More...I...need...more."

I felt him smile into my neck. "You beg for me already?" He asked, his tone pleased. "Very well, I shall not keep you waiting." He lifted me ever so slightly in his arms and I eagerly wrapped my legs around him as he carried me over to the wall of the bath and held me against it before entering me.

I cried out with each thrust. My thoughts turned to mush and no words escaped me as I was lost to the pleasure of the an I loved moving inside of me. He leaned his head over my shoulder and I could hear each breath and each grunt in my ear, causing tingles to run over my body as he continued to make love to me.

"Ava..." He moaned my name as his own pleasure built.

"Ah...Nobunaga!" I cried out as that final wave of pleasure washed over me.

"Ava!" Nobunaga called out at the same time, riding that final wave with me.

After stopping he lingered inside me a moment, just holding me close. He leaned his forehead against me. "No matter how many times I have you...it is never enough." He said, breathless.

I smiled. "I feel the same way. I can't get enough of you."

We stayed like that for an immeasurable moment, lingering in our heat and our love for each other. We only broke apart once the bath water started to grow cold. Then we got out and into our night robes, heading back to our room in the tenshu.

We sat out on the balcony looking out at the city and holding onto each other. As I sat in Nobunaga's lap, I felt the tiredness that had become a part of me start to take over. I let out a yawn as I nestled into his embrace.

"Are you ready for bed?" He asked.

"We can...stay...up a bit longer." I replied sleepily, trying to hold back another yawn.

I felt his chest rumble as he let out a gentle laugh. He then kissed my forehead. "You should rest...from what I understand once our child gets here there won't be much chance for it."

I laughed. "I've heard that, too...but I'm not ready to move from this spot."

"You mean from the balcony or my lap?"

"Your lap, obviously." I answered.

"I will stay here a bit longer then...I can deny you nothing." He replied. "When you inevitably fall asleep, I will just carry you to bed."

"You won't have to do that. I'll stay awake...at least for a bit longer."

We sat there for a while longer, before I did fall asleep and true to his word, Nobunaga carried me to bed.

A few days later in Echigo...

"When will we be attacking Nobunaga again?" An impatient Kenshin asked Shingen. "Our forces have recovered from the last battle."

"But you have not fully recovered yet." Shingen countered.

"I am perfectly fine." Kenshin replied.

"Lord Kenshin I believe Lord Shingen is not referring to your physical state, though you have only just recovered from the injuries you sustained in your fight with Nobunaga." Sasuke interjected.

"It is true, you haven't been yourself since your battle." Shingen replied.

"If it hadn't been for that...that woman of his, that battle would have been better...I should have killed that woman!"

Sasuke had to hold his emotions in check. No matter what Kenshin said, he could never allow him to kill or harm Ava in any way. Though she was now married to his Lord's enemy she was still his friend, one he cared about and wouldn't allow harm to come to.

"Kenshin, there is no need to harm an innocent woman." Shingen spoke up, not wanting harm to come to a woman who just happened to marry the wrong man.

"Nobunaga asked for a bloodless surrender! I wanted a battle to the death!" Kenshin shouted. "If not for that woman's influence, he would have fought me to the death! It would have been a real battle!"

While Shingen wouldn't ever harm a woman, he did have to admit that his friend and ally was right. This Ava, had had an influence on Nobunaga. Their last battle at the garrison castle had ended differently than expected. And from the reports from his Mitsumono, he knew that that had only been the first of Nobunaga's battles to end this way. The Devil King was well on his to conquering the entire country.

Sasuke let out a sigh. "And then you nearly got yourself killed when you kidnapped Ava. You do realize your vassals would prefer you to live?"

"Battle me, Sasuke." Kenshin roared.

Shingen stepped in, putting a hand on Kenshin's shoulders. "I am working on a plan on when we should attack next." He said. "I recently had one of my Mitsumono infiltrate Azuchi and she is in a rather close position to Nobunaga."

"She? A woman?" Kenshin spat. "You have someone posing as his concubine trying to lure him away from his wife?"

Shingen shook his head. "No, this woman is different. She is not a seductress."

"Who is it?" Yukimura asked, not knowing what his Lord was talking about.

"I speak of Asuna." Shingen answered.

"The midwife?" Yukimura asked.

Shingen nodded.

"Midwife?" Sasuke asked.

"What use would Nobunaga have for a midwife?" Yukimura asked.

Shingen sighed. "Yuki, where have I failed in your education on women? Clearly the midwife is for Nobunaga's wife. Word was sent out that she has become with child and there were interviews held in Azuchi castle for the position. Asuna easily won it."

Sasuke's eyes widened. Ava is pregnant?! I was not expecting this news. Of course then a troubling thought came to Sasuke's mind. His friend was pregnant and one of her husband's enemies had his spy working as her midwife. He had some rather conflicting feelings about this.

Though Sasuke was usually not very expressive, Shingen took notice of the look on the young man's face at this news. He pondered the many possibilities of what it could mean, but did not say anything right this moment. He decided he needed to have a private chat with Kenshin's ninja later.

See what happens next below!

https://writingwhimsey.tumblr.com/post/659903401690333184/lady-of-azuchi-ch-4

[luvvewan]

EEEE can you do 11?? Obi wan and qui gon JA time period? :D

Thank you very much for the prompt, @general-flame ! ❤️ I realized after writing this blurb that you specified Jedi Apprentice and this actually follows new canon/Master and Apprentice. I hope you enjoy it anyway but feel free to send send another JA prompt and I’ll try to be more observant! 😬

11. “I need you to breathe for me. Slowly – in and out.”

—

(then)

When Obi-Wan opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was the bleary afternoon sky above him, sullen and swollen with dark clouds. He immediately vomited, and his confused head thought it must be rain water, this tepid liquid rushing up from his guts.

He tried to take a deep breath, but made a clumsy gulping sound instead. Warm pressure settled on the nape of his neck, and he felt the Force, suffused with healing, yet strained.

Panicked.

He tried to wrench away from the touch. His fingers dug into the grainy earth. He tasted the grain—no, sand—in the back of his throat. It was going to fill his lungs, but he wretched again. He could not stop, overtaken by great, shuddering heaves, the Force more shadowed than the sky, dark with fear.

I should not be afraid to die.

I am Jedi.

Hands beat on his back, while another clutched his arm, keeping him upright, although he was very tired and his vision had dissolved along the edges. A vice squeezed his lungs, the hand squeezed his arm. Voices drifted down from the clouds.

“Obi-Wan—“

“Steady now. Breathe, kid.”

Two voices; he didn’t recognize the second. He tried to obey it anyway, letting the order override his body’s twitchy, mindless reactions. Obi-Wan spit out wet sand, but didn’t vomit, which allowed a thin stream of air through. Then more. The sharp pinch in his chest eased. He wanted to suck in the clean, sweet air, glut himself on it. He sputtered instead, and the hand moved along his spine, wide palm stroking up and down.

“Easy,” A different voice, lower, closer. “Focus on calming your heart.”

Master. He was suddenly shaking, even though it was the opposite of what Qui-Gon wanted, and there was a skittering flurry in the Force, and he realized his heart was pounding as if it wanted to burst out of him. He was going to puke, ohhh—-

“Qui-Gon, he’s—“

“I know.”

Despite the cacophony in his ears, Obi-Wan could hear the disappointment there. He blinked up, forcing his eyes to center on the vague face-shape hovering above him. Water dripped onto him, this time from the ends of Qui-Gon’s long hair. He was looking at Obi-Wan.

Blue eyes striated with grey. Like the sea.

Obi-Wan coughed and shivered. “What,” he started to say, but was unconscious before he could finish the question.

What do you know?

—-

(now)

“N-N…”

“I need you to breathe for me.”

Obi-Wan choked and sputtered.

“Slowly-in and out,” Qui-Gon braced his Padawan’s shoulders in an attempt to ground him. Though instinctively he wanted to draw the trembling young man closer, Qui-Gon remained at the edge of the sofa, giving Obi-Wan space. In the chaos of the moment, it was difficult to remember the healer’s suggestions, but he was getting better at it.

Unfortunately, Qui-Gon had already been provided several opportunities to practice.

The Force energy surrounding Obi-Wan pulsed with rapid, unfiltered emotion—confusion, panic, fear. Qui-Gon felt the echoes of terror, as clearly as he could still hear the desperate gasps from that day, weeks ago. When the attacks came, Obi-Wan sounded like he was struggling for air.

Drowning.

“Do you want the lights on?” Qui-Gon asked softly.

Obi-Wan’s eyes were screwed shut; after a few seconds he nodded.

Qui-Gon waved on a glow lamp. The common area of his quarters looked aggressively normal, unaffected, their tea cups from earlier in the evening still sitting on the end table. It was only the blanket, thrown onto the floor, that spoke of any unease.

He picked it up, shook it out and draped it over Obi-Wan’s shoulders. “That’s it. You’re doing better. In and out.”

Obi-Wan opened his eyes and looked at Qui-Gon. His chest was still fluttering spastically, but as the minutes passed, he took more and more control, until at last the wild-bright panic faded. Obi-Wan sagged against the sofa.

“Well done.” He held Obi-Wan’s gaze, something that had been hard to do, as of late. He wondered when he would be able to look in those gray eyes again without remembering how they had widened with terror, silently pleading for help. Qui-Gon had failed his Padawan that day.

And now Obi-Wan was staying with him, rather than in the apprentice dorms. Obi-Wan had insisted it was unnecessary, embarrassed by Qui-Gon’s offer. But he was not sleeping, and Qui-Gon could not sleep either, imagining his Padawan in the throes of these ruthless attacks, alone.

He had made enough mistakes with this young man. He would do what he could to fix it.

Obi-Wan was glancing around the room, as if discreetly scanning for danger.

Qui-Gon understood that it was a side effect of the anxiety and trauma. As the soul healer explained it, Obi-Wan’s close call triggered primitive responses in his brain. His body currently perceived threats even in safe places, like his Master’s rooms in the Temple.

Or perhaps he is right to sense danger here, a niggling voice in the back of his head pointed out. After all, you did not protect him. Far from it.

He gingerly squeezed Obi-Wan’s knee. “I’ll get you some water.”

Obi-Wan blinked. In the weak amber light, he looked younger than his twenty years. “Alright. Thanks.”

Qui-Gon glanced at the chrono when he walked into the small kitchen. Close to daybreak. So it would be another early morning. He returned with a glass of cool water.

Obi-Wan took it with a quiet ‘thank you’ and sipped. His hair was flattened on one side of his head, the other half standing in riotous spikes. Qui-Gon had begun to believe the regulation Padawan cut in human males existed to endear them to their teachers. He smiled and smoothed the sweaty hair with his palm.

He noticed Obi-Wan’s mouth tense and his eyes dropped to the glass in his hands.

“You have no reason to be ashamed, young one.”

Obi-Wan snorted. “No, of course not. All senior apprentices lose their minds and have to sleep on their Master’s couch.”

It was meant partially in jest, but the words twisted Qui-Gon’s heart nonetheless. He set the glass on the table and leaned back on the sofa, crossing his arms over his sleep robe. “You have not lost your mind. Healer Che said this is not uncommon after a traumatic event.”

“Nor is it common.” Obi-Wan started to fiddle with his braid, then caught himself. “I don’t see how it’s especially traumatic,” he confessed, looking at Qui-Gon with bloodshot eyes. “I just need to learn how to swim.”

—

They were Temple-bound while Obi-Wan recovered. Unlike a physical injury, the parameters for mental recovery were ill-defined. Obi-Wan went to appointments with a soul healer; he rarely spoke of what was discussed in the sessions. Qui-Gon got the impression that his Padawan firmly wanted to move on, and was both irritated and discouraged by the attacks.

Qui-Gon wanted to move on too, of course. He and Obi-Wan had only just begun to mend their relationship after the fateful mission to Pijal, and Qui-Gon’s near-acceptance of the Council seat.

He sat on a bench in a less-traveled area of the Gardens. His eyes burned from interrupted sleep. The episodes were becoming much more frequent, nearly every night. He worried for Obi-Wan, who was currently sitting in a lecture, undoubtedly exhausted.

If he was a more experienced Master, would this all be easier? Over and over, he grappled with the idea that Obi-Wan needed someone like Mace, or even Yoda. The boy was so different from him. He never knew if he was providing Obi-Wan with the tools he needed to thrive, as a Jedi or as a person. Pijal had proved to Qui-Gon he could not give Obi-Wan up, nor were their problems insurmountable. He had returned to Coruscant with hope, and turned the Council’s offer down.

And then, on their very next mission following Pijal, Obi-Wan almost drowned.

Since then, Qui-Gon’s thoughts dwelled on a conversation he’d had with Obi-Wan, back when he still intended to join the Council.

“I’ve never taught you to swim, have I, Obi-Wan?”

“No, Master. But I know how—well, a little bit.”

“We’ll practice. Every Jedi should be able to swim like a Mon Calamari.” *

He could forgive some mistakes he had made as Obi-Wan’s mentor. Obi-Wan was his first Padawan, assigned to him by Master Yoda, and there were bound to be stumbling blocks. In this case, Qui-Gon had no excuse. For years, it had not occurred to him to ask Obi-Wan if he knew how to swim.

He had assumed, as with so much else in this relationship—assumed somewhere along the way, Obi-Wan had learned how to swim. He should have taken Obi-Wan to the Temple pools as soon as they returned from Pijal, as he had pledged to do.

Their lives were busy. He had forgotten.

He cleared his throat, looking out at the vibrant greenery. He remembered swimming with Master Dooku. Qui-Gon could swim, and swim well, before his first proper mission as a Padawan. Why had he let so many things slip with Obi-Wan? Admittedly, in the beginning, Qui-Gon had felt shades of resentment towards the boy, foisted upon him when he had not asked for such a sudden and complete change. Yet he had grown to care deeply for Obi-Wan, despite their differences. He thought he had done his best.

Pijal had opened his eyes. But not enough, or else he would have corrected the vital lapse in Obi-Wan’s skills as soon as he was made aware.

“We’ll practice.”

There were nightmares of his own, in which he was too late, and Obi-Wan did not…he refused to give the image life or dimension now, in the Gardens, amid other Jedi and the optimistic light of day. Yoda would tell him not to dwell on what-ifs. Certainly Qui-Gon had been reminded recently enough that dreams were easily misinterpreted.

He would bring up the swimming lesson with Obi-Wan, he decided. It was a start.

—

*dialogue excerpts taken from the novel Master and Apprentice by Claudia Gray

[nervousladytraveler]

end of year WIP meme!

Am I too late to ask? 👀 thanks so much!

Thanks @osmarinamo for the ask.

This bit is from another modern Poldark AU. Untitled. Unfinished. A conversation long overdue--but is it too late? ---

“Fancy a drink?” she called.  

Ross turned at the sound of Demelza’s bright voice and even from a distance he could see she was smiling. A nervous smile maybe, but sincere. She’d always been honest with him.

“Yes, I would,” he exhaled, half laugh, half relief. He took a few slippery steps towards her and purposely didn’t look at his watch. This was more important than any errands.

“I'm sorry I couldn't resist asking. “ she said as he approached. “Maybe I should have left things. I mean, we had our polite ‘catch up’ conversation over coffee so then aren’t we supposed to just go our separate ways now? It was a nice crisp ending wasn't it?”

“But it wasn't an ending,” he said. He felt drunk already.

“You’re right, Ross. I walked about five yards and knew I wanted to keep talking to you,” she said. “But I don’t want more coffee.”

“Me too.”

“Um...I think there’s a pub right up here. Unless you’ve a favourite…?”

“No. That sounds perfect,” he said. “Let’s go.”

The pavement ahead was icier still. He longed to take her arm, but didn’t dare.

----

“Cheers! Here’s to old friends,” he said and handed her a glass.”You are one of my oldest friends, you know.”

“Oh Ross, I was so young!” She shook her head and laughed lightly.

“You always had such a mature sense about you,” he countered.

“But I've gotten older, so much since then…”

“You don't look like an old lady,” he teased.

“That's not what I meant,” she seemed flustered for a moment then allowed herself to laugh at his joke.

“I know,” he said and suddenly grew more serious. “But just because you were young doesn't mean it wasn’t important.”

“I know, Ross.”

“And just because you were young doesn't mean it wasn't real.”

“That I really know,” she smiled softly.

“Even if we’d supped at other tables,” he continued.

“That wasn't the furniture I'd call to mind…” The tip of her tongue peeked through her open lips. Now it was her turn to tease.

“I meant, Demelza, that I know I wasn’t your first.”

“You were my first love, Ross.That's something else entirely.”

Now Ross did look at his watch. It has taken them less than five minutes to arrive at this conversation. Eight years and five minutes.

“I know.” He took a drink for courage. “Ha... Here I am hoping you never got over your first love while in order for this...conversation to continue it’s important I got over mine. And if I tell you I did, will you believe me?”

“I'm assuming you did. I mean you're not with her now, Ross. How is Elizabeth Warleggan?” She drew out the last name as if it was something distasteful. It was.

“She's well. From what Verity reports now and then,” he said. “We don’t talk anymore.”

“Ever?” She seemed surprised.

“No.There isn’t anything left to say, really.”

“Were you disappointed to learn Valentine isn't your son?” she asked.

“Demelza…” He didn’t know what to say now that wouldn’t derail this conversation straightaway.

“Sorry--I just thought…” She shrugged her shoulders as if to say she’d change the subject if that’s what was warranted. They had gone too deep, too fast.  Perhaps they needed to get back to exchanging shallow pleasantries.

Damn that.

“No, Demelza...you are the only one who has asked me how I felt. And no, I'm not sorry,” he said and tried his best to catch her eye so he could look straight at her. She bit her lip uncomfortably but nodded, encouraging him to continue.

“It would have made things complicated for all of them if I were his father,” Ross went on. “George would have rejected him outright--how would he thrive in such a household? And then Elizabeth’s dream life--marriage, house, car-- would most likely end.”

“Did George ever know there was a doubt?” she asked.

“No.”

“Oh that's awkward since I knew,” she sputtered.

“I always tried to be honest with you,” he said.

And when I failed it had been spectacular.

“So you did, Ross.” She took a long draught from her glass and looked at the table for a moment.

“Of course I would have done what I could if he were my child…” He thought that was important to say, but maybe he should just leave this topic altogether.

“What if she hadn't wanted it? What if she wanted to keep it a secret and shut you out? How much would you have fought?”

“Good question “ He shook his head and smiled, impressed by her thinking. Oh, she did know him well! “Then George would have to become involved and I think if I did insist the fight would take on a life of its own and it would no longer be about the boy but the territory.”

“But he does look a lot like you--I saw him last week. In the shops with his nanny, I guess she was. You sure Elizabeth wasn’t lying to you?“

“Yes, I saw the actual test results. But the real reason I’m not sad is that I wouldn't want to co parent with Elizabeth…”

“Co parent? Listen to you!” she laughed.

“I’ve learned a lot in eight years, Demelza.”

“Of course you have. I’m sorry...you were saying?” She looked at him again, earnestly.

“No need. I was saying Elizabeth doesn't have the same outlook, the same priorities as I do…”

“Turns out that’s important,” she said. “You look like you could use another, Ross.”

“I am driving so I shouldn’t have too many,” he said, wishing it weren’t so.

“It’s Christmas...almost anyway. Christmas Eve-eve. Have another and if it is too much we can get a cab,” she coaxed. “Two cabs, two cabs to two separate locations,” she added quickly.

“Allow me…” he said. But instead of rising to his feet he found himself staring at her, watching her lashes blink and her tongue lick the remaining drops of drink from her lips. Then she laughed, tilting her head to the side and exposing her long neck.

It wasn’t arousal that he felt but the ache of loss and loneliness. And love. It was still there--it had never left him. He knew it--but did she?

She reached to hand him her empty glass and her fingers brushed against his. He didn’t pull away and neither did she. Instead she covered his hand entirely with her own.

She’d made the first move.

He needed no further coaxing and interlaced his fingers in hers.

[feriferfer]

IDK what this is, but it is what happens when I relapse into a shipping whore.

So AOS just ended, and even if I stopped watching and then re-watched it and then died when they announced Daniel Sousa was making a guest star, I always loved the show and the characters. 

I totally blame Daniel Sousa for making me fall so hard for Dousy (people, make peace with it already). 

So here are my head canons (if you finish reading this I’ll give you a cupcake). I basIcally thought and wrote and didn’t much care for grammar or semantics much. 

So this is how my brain works. 

Also, I wish I had the time to actually make this into a proper fic, but I don’t. 

It basically covers the year we didn’t get to see. 

Kora stays with Daisy as she recuperates, mainly because she is the only one on the ship who can give her enough warmth for her to regain her temperature when it suddenly starts spiking down.

They talk. Daisy forgives her, because she recognizes the same lost girl she was in her. 

Kora is still defensive and questioning a lot of her decisions, but Daisy assures her that she shouldn’t stress about it, but take it one day at a time. 

They trade stories regarding their mother. Before they dock back at the Lighthouse they agree that Jiaying was not the best of mothers, but she did try her best to work with what she had been given. 

When they arrive back at the lighthouse Daisy is still a little fazed, but she doesn’t let it bother her as she realizes the worry Daniel was in.

It’s a weird feeling, the one where she finds herself glad in knowing there is someone waiting for her specifically. 

He is at her side almost instantly. Just as impulsive as he had kissed her, he hugs her, and tells her he’s glad she’s ok. 

Daisy breathes him in and realizes the tears she had already dried up begin to fall once more. She allows herself to feel the embrace of this man out of time who has somehow gotten her attention and respect. 

Everyone asks about Fitzsimmons’ whereabouts, and they get informed about their little rendezvous regarding their daughter. 

Mack orders them to rest, their next mission can wait. 

Daisy chooses the bunk next to Sousa’s because she has gotten used to him being by her side and without Fitz or Simmons around she’s sure she’ll be restless. 

They only get an hour of sleep before Fitzsimmons arrive back, with Piper, Flint and baby Alya in hand. 

Daisy is out like a light, Daniel wakes her up because he knows she needs to see her family, and in that instant, as he is sheepishly explaining to her how he debated whether or not to wake her up for this but ultimately decided to do so, she kisses him again. 

He is smiling when they part, and she whispers a thank you as she stands to go and finally see the miracle that is Alya Fitz-Simmons with her own eyes. 

Daniel, as always, is trailing behind her, constant and solid and Daisy wonders as she stares at the little girl with blond hair and vivid eyes just how all of this was even possible.

Ok so umm, is this a multichapter bullet point fic? 

Jemma has Alya on her lap as she talks to Daisy.

Daisy can’t decide where to fix her eyes, on the gorgeous miracle that is Alya, or on Sousa and Mack who both look tired and strangely content as they share a beer. 

The thought sneaks up on her. 

She understands why, even if they did have the time stream and could see the timeline play out, she knows why Enoch and Fitz were so sure of this being their last mission as a whole team together. 

Because of Alya. She tells Simmons as much and Jemma agrees, a sad smile on her lips which turns blissful as she strokes her daughter’s hair. 

They want to give their little girl a normal life, or well, as normal as they can, and they can’t do that while being active agents. 

Daisy agrees and claims that if anyone on the team deserved such a life it was them. 

Jemma disagrees, because she also deserves some kind of respite in her life.

Daisy only smiles as her eyes drift over to where Sousa still sits, now alone and contemplating his surroundings, probably trying to take in the fact this was where (or well, when) he would probably end up. 

Jemma sees this, but does not comment, for she knows how to read her friend and knows there are still things that she needs processing and figuring out all by herself. 

So she asks, she asks about Daisy’s plans for the nearby future. 

Daisy shrugs, but she knows she’s not done with SHIELD, and she doesn't think everyone else is. 

She’s still an agent, she claims, she’ll go wherever she’s needed, with whomever she’s needed by.

Because life is funny, Kora then enters the room, still weary and out of place. Simmons sees her first and tells Daisy.

Daisy realizes then: they had fought for family, so that this family could survive, so that everyone’s families could thrive. 

Kora was now part of that family. 

Daisy calls out to one sister to properly introduce her to the other. 

Daniel watches, amazed at how his life has ended up, and enthralled with the fact it seems someone like Daisy Johnson apparently likes him back enough to turn her eyes towards him and give him a soft and promising smile right before continuing her interaction with her sisters. 

Mack chuckles at him and congratulates him on his decision. 

Sousa doesn’t much understand things, and he knows he’s about to get confused with just about everything, but he finds he doesn’t mind much of it. These are good people with good hearts and even if there is a feeling of finality to their team, there is also the sizzling feeling of something entirely new and equally amazing starting. 

He asks the current director about their next move, about what will happen to the team.

Mack answers with a sigh, but with the truth. 

He needs to get out and head to HQ to remind the rest of the organization about his position. He’s been MIA for enough time. He thinks it’s time to take on his role more permanently. More directing, less fighting. 

He tells him about Fitzsimmons plans to retire for a while. 

And the rest? Daniel asks, because there are still more members of the team and even if there is something brewing there with Daisy, he wants to know how he can be a part of events. 

Mack doesn’t really know yet, and states it. 

--------------------

What am i doing? Part 123456789

It isn’t until the next morning, when Mack announces he is leaving for HQ when Coulson tells the team about his decision to give himself a year to see what he wants to do with his new life. 

May smiles at him, soft and honest and finally coming to terms with the fact that even if the man is all the best parts of Coulson, he isn’t really Coulson. She will always love him, but their time has already passed. 

She tells him she approves and it’s like a weight has been lifted off her shoulders as he smiles back. 

Daisy’s eyes get watered, but tears do not fall, because it means she still has a year to tease and rely on him. It’s more than she had ever expected to have. 

Daniel sits by her side, Kora on the other and Alya can’t seem to get enough of everyone and she’s constantly running from one aunt and uncle trying to get them to tell her stories about their adventures. 

Jemma apologizes.

Mack informs Daisy she has a spot on Z1, if she wants it, she can build her own team and will be granted as much vacation time as she desires. 

Daisy appreciates it and instantly turns to look at Sousa, noting how his stance relaxes and she comes to the realization he was afraid for his own future. She’s not sure where their relationship is going. She knows they like each other well enough and that there is a feeling of attraction and comfort which she had not felt -ever. But she knows he’s dependable and solid and she owes it to him to give him a fighting chance in this century. 

Looking at Kora, she realizes she has two people in care now, two people she will gladly ease into her world and into her time. 

Elena is fast to inform she’ll head back to HQ with her boyfriend, claiming she needs some time off as well. 

Piper and Flint don’t feel as exhausted, they claim they’re glad to head back to HQ and continue working wherever Mack sends them. 

The last to talk is May who surprises everyone by stating she is done. 

Daisy asks her SO why, demanding a valid reason for her abandoning her work, reminding her that everything she is as an agent was because of her. 

May can feel Daisy’s anguish and her fear for the unknown. 

She looks at the young woman she has helped grow and she realizes her feelings are slowly getting there, returning and making her head spin at the same time. 

May simply states it is time for the new generation to continue doing what she had done for many years. Looking straight at Daisy, May adds that she is sure her legacy will be well-continued. 

It’s not that they are being forced to split up, or that they’ll never see each other again, but it is time and Daisy can feel it. Can feel how even if she will still work under Mack’s direction, she won’t have him as her permanent back up, that role has changed now. There is another solid man who is willing to stand beside her and even though it is still fairly new, she has a feeling it will work. 

She’ll be fine, she always is. Her family is not lost, it will still be there. She is not lost, she knows who she is and knows what she wants to do. 

---------

The lighthouse is empty, left in her charge while she waits for Mack’s orders from HQ. 

Coulson and May were the last to leave, Coulson receiving an order for him to report to HQ.

May had just been sticking around to ensure some more time in his presence and once the old AC had gone, she had followed. 

Kora and Daniel roam the place, both amazed by the tech and the stories Daisy shares with them. 

She finds him one day, they have barely been there a week, not a lot of time has passed for them to have talked everything out. There was a lot to process. Especially for him. 

He’s reading something and she realizes it is his file, she teases him about it and he never fails to surprise her by teasing her back, giving her a piece of newspaper he found where the name Quake is in headlines. 

She groans but appreciates his effort of finding out about the world. 

She realizes then she hasn’t properly introduced him to the internet. 

She thinks he’ll freak and thus proceeds to do just that. 

He is in fact amazed and gets the hang of using it way too quickly. She feels strangely proud and fuzzy about it and she shakes the emotion off because sure, they like each other, and Deke did stay behind because he could see it, but they were still waiting on orders and until her life didn’t move forward she would wait to decide what to do with the rest of it. 

She gets orders from Mack to build her own team a day later. 

She has been training with Kora and she knows her sister is still a little off and not ready for full combat or missions, but she convinces Mack to let her be her sister’s SO and all while she does this she has May’s voice in her head. 

Daniel is as solid as ever as she gives him the option of staying at HQ and training up there or joining her. Because well, she does like him a lot, he is constant, and kind and such a square and a dork she can’t believe she feels this attached and attracted to him, but he is quick and witty and he makes her laugh on most days and he actually gets along fairly well with Kora and she doesn’t feel like losing one of the few good things she has gained during the last month. 

Of course he takes her offer of being in her team. 

She teases him on the day they are departing the base. He hasn’t been out and about in the 21st century, even if he has seen a couple of movies with her now, and he does enjoy going on google maps. But she knows it is different. 

He teases back, talking about restaurants and movies and bars and Daisy realizes it is his dorky way of asking her out. 

She laughs, says yes and before they know it, there is a Zephyr arriving and their conversation cut short. 

Daisy finds herself cursing the ship and her sister who is the one who interrupts them. 

The Zephyr brings a whole team of new agents to take over the Lighthouse. 

Inside she is met with Mack and Elena who greet her as though it has been years since they last saw each other. 

They tell her she is needed back at HQ. So she’ll get to see Coulson for a while. That’s nice. 

Sousa stays in the cockpit because he has never seen this world before. Daisy finds him there, the ship flying on autopilot. 

This time it is him who thanks her, for allowing him a second chance. Because he has read all about Peggy and SHIELD and HYDRA and he understands that everything had a purpose, even his failed relationship with the famed Agent. 

Daisy doesn’t dare push because she thinks she might combust if he continues his line of thought.

Out of everything, liking someone was not something Daisy had been planning on occurring to her in the near future. Maybe in the far off one, but definitely not near. 

Life was funny that way. 

He is admiring the view. She can’t help it, she leans in and grabs his chin to turn his face gently towards her own. She kisses him, gently and tries to convey the thousand and one thank yous she should be giving him. 

He returns the kiss, as he has always done everything time they do this. Because they have done this, a lot of times. Because funnily enough he is a flirt and she is flirt and there is only so much foreplay she can handle.

But this time it’s different, because it feels different, it feels as if she is finally letting him in, finally making her decision regarding him. 

He had already chosen to stay with her, now she was choosing to stay with him. 

----------

She doesn’t get to actually work with Coulson, Mack has him as his personal confidant and assessor. She feels it was meant to be. 

She does get to see him though, and she is glad, because Daniel Sousa is making her head spin and she has no idea how to control it. 

Even Kora manages to tease her about it, as they are training one day and the simple mention of Daniel’s name makes Daisy stumble because she is reminded of the previous night and how she had no clue a man could make her feel that way. 

Coulson tells her, point blank, to stop fooling herself and give the man a break.

Daisy stops responding to Coulson's calls for a week. 

Jemma is always patient and insightful, but way too optimistic. 

They are doing fine, their relationship is progressing as normal as one can when you’re an inhuman working for SHIELD, trying to build up a team in order to take them out to space. 

She tries to get more information regarding said mission out of Mack at least once a week, her old partner never budges, but does tease her about her boyfriend, because everyone enjoys teasing her about him.

She always wants to scream because of it, but forgets all about it the second she gets to spend time with Daniel and he greets her with the same dorky and loving smile as he talks about his day and she talks about hers and it is so domestic and it suddenly dawns on her. Why her head has been feeling fuzzy.

She has a home, and a pseudo domestic life and she has never had that in her life. 

As they finish dinner that night, she grabs Daniel and doesn't let him go for the rest of the night. She prays her sister arrives home late as she usually does. 

She tells him she loves him that night and when he answers back she feels her world righting again and everything just becomes easier.

She only tells Jemma about it. Coulson and Mack figure she has figured it out and she ignores them.

It is fitting that she finishes building her team up only a week after that. 

The pieces fall in place and she finds herself happy. 

It takes her three weeks to notice she hasn’t seen or heard from Coulson or Mack in said time. 

She finds she doesn’t mind much. 

She then realizes it is because Coulson left to visit May at her new job and she breaks out into a full hearty laugh as Coulson explains what May has chosen to do with her life. 

She goes on her first mission with her own team after that. Something pretty straight forward. A test of sorts to see if they truly will work well together. 

It feels nice to be back on the Z1.

She almost laughs when she realizes how well she and Daniel work together, and he definitely laughs at her when they all realize Kora is the better pilot of them all -Daisy included. 

She visits Fitzsimmons on her own, because Kora still feels awkward around them and she needs to finish some report she promised Coulson and Daniel is in the middle of a solo mission. 

It is a quick visit, because her life is still busy and she was actually finishing up on her own sort of mission near Scotland and she can’t help it.

Jemma is glad she took the time, Fitz, as always is great and enthusiastic and is not there much because Alya adores her dad and doesn’t allow him much time to be in the room with the other two adults. 

Daisy feels a pang of longing, and quickly shakes it off. She admires her friends for retiring and for having the courage to have a family. 

She still has things to do. While she can. 

When they reunite both are exhausted for different reasons, but both Daniel and Daisy agree that while they had very successful missions, they prefer to work together. 

She claims it is much easier.

He claims it is a lot more fun. 

The Z3 is ready, Mack tells her, and Daisy feels a pang of excitement. 

She tells her team and they are all equally excited. 

SWORD is hers, she has earned it and she revels in the fact she doesn't cower at the prospect of leading. She has a good man by her side who proves to her every single day she can do all these things on her own but she doesn’t have to.

She has a sister who has come such a long way, who now smiles more often and enjoys the little things. Daisy feels proud of her and every time the feeling takes over her she wants to laugh, because Kora is older, yet younger than she is and Daniel is always confusing the fact and she adores that out of everything he’s seen, that is what always gets him rattled up.

She makes him watch as many space films to prep him for it. He is unimpressed by Star Wars but claims ET a favorite. 

Kora surprises Daisy by informing her baby sister she has gotten a pilot's license and the stamp of approval from May herself to be able to efficiently fly them on the Z3. 

Daisy finds it funny that even if he had managed to welcome the 21st century life-style (sans actual style) with ease, it is atop the Z3 where Daniel feels most comfortable. 

He claims it is because it was on a Zephyr where he first caught a glance of his future. 

Daisy thinks he’s being sappy about it, and does not push because she is certain she will cry if her suspicions about his chosen wording are correct. 

She’s the captain, for god’s sake. Her dork boyfriend should not make her want to cry. 

It is different from normal missions. It is both smoother and yet far more exhilarating. 

She appreciates the wonders of being able to sleep in between missions and assignments. 

She especially appreciates the fact she convinced Daniel (or did he convince her, she’s still a little fuzzy on how that conversation went, she blames him) to share her bunk. 

Because their life is chaotic at times and to be able to wake up next to him, well, it is something she got used to pretty quickly -or well, around the time of the 5th loop. 

It is Coulson’s idea and she cries a little as she receives the invite. 

Daniel simply kisses her head when he finds her, he whispers an ‘I love you’ which only makes her smile even wider and she adds her tears to the list of ‘odd things which should NOT be happening to me’ list. 

Simmons wink is almost a confirmation, but she waits patiently for the email.

The first words in the email are unintelligible, which basically confirms the fact to her. 

She ponders on what to tell him for three days, but then they get dropped into a mission. There are five of them out there beside her, her sister and Daniel included. She can’t let her guard down now. There is a team that needs her.

Everything turns out to be a misunderstanding in the end. But it doesn’t go by smoothly. The (insert alien name) race is stubborn and it takes a lot of Daisy’s energy to get them to talk. 

Daniel will never let her forget it is one of his odd idioms which finally makes the aliens cooperate. 

Still, they have earned a day off, and she orders Kora to put the Z3 on autopilot, as close to Earth as she can. 

It is that order which makes Daniel know there is something up with her. 

He patiently waits for her to tell him. Because he knows her, and he knows she needs to sort out her brain before asking for any kind of input -from anyone. But she always does, at least, she has always done so with him. 

She tells him as they both stare at earth, reminiscent of that first trip they took together. Circumstances are entirely different. 

He is scared, he has to admit, because there is nothing as scary in life as to be hit with the realization that you're going to be responsible for another human. 

And she can’t help it, she teases him about it; because she needs to find humor in this, and because it is no secret that very few things manage to rile Agent Sousa up. It is one of the many reasons he works so well in the field -with her. 

Besides his surprise, his reaction is very much like him, and Daisy thinks it a win for her when he doesn’t propose to her right away. Not because she would say no (she’s sure she would say yes), but because it means he truly is a wonderful man who can read her better than anyone and who gets her, all parts of her. 

In the end, they agree it is best to take it a day at a time. She is still the captain and he is still her right hand and they are still pretty good at their jobs and they don’t want to stop. 

In the end, Kora is the one who steps up, once she notices her sister throwing up almost at the end of the third month. 

She volunteers to help in any way she can. 

Their daughter is born in space, just like little Alya. Because Daisy truly never took time off until she literally couldn’t stand and because even if she couldn’t go out and explore, she was still the captain and she directed her team with an authority and a smoothness, which reminded Daniel of Agent Coulson, which he knew meant a lot more to her than to him.

True to her word, Kora steps up and helps keep Z3 floating as the couple settles into their new lives. 

Daisy knows it is not ideal. But she wouldn’t trade her life for anything. 

Daniel still finds himself waking up, even years after, with their daughter already running around the Z3, and can’t believe his life. 

Honestly, if you’ve made it this far, my sincere apologies. But I was left with way too many feels and a thousand and one ideas in my head which I just had to get out. 

[tessisawriter]

Break My Heart (Andrei Svechnikov)

Request: Hi there! May I request an imagine with Andrei Svech where you guys maybe are like borderline dating and then you go for milkshakes after the game and he asks you to be his girl? Change it if you want! xoxo

A/N: I love this prompt, no need to change it! Thanks @sticknpuckwtheboys​ for telling me about Steak n’ Shake—I was so obsessed with being accurate about milkshake places in NC that I went into a writer’s block, but you got me out of it! Inspired by Dua Lipa’s “Break My Heart” (link here), which was inevitable since I was listening to her new album while writing this. 

Warnings: One swear word, light angst, insecurities, mentions of cheating

Word Count: 1.7k

After 15 minutes of standing in front of the Carolina Hurricanes locker room, you began to regret coming down. You felt so awkward and intimidated standing next to some of the players’ SO’s. Even though you had been dating superstar Andrei Svechnikov for almost two months, it wasn’t official yet, so you didn’t feel like you belonged.

“Earth to Y/N.” Your best friend and roommate, Katie, elbowed you lightly in the side, and you turned your head to meet her expectant gaze. “What’s going on in that maze of a mind of yours?”

“Nothing,” you brushed off her comment, “I just can’t wait for the reporters to get out of there.”

“I don’t know how to thank you for tonight. This is probably the best birthday present I’ve ever received!” Katie gushed.

You smiled for a moment before the frown returned. “I didn’t technically get it for you, you know. It was Andrei.”

“Gee, I had no idea.” Katie’s voice dripped sarcasm. “Of course it was Andrei who got you the seats. But you’re the reason I got here in the first place. If you weren’t dating him, we’d be back in the nosebleeds and my epic chirps would get lost in the vacuum.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought of her spouting her mouth off earlier tonight in the rink-side seats. Katie was an avid Hurricanes fan, and instead of tuning you out, Andrei had apparently listened to you rant about not knowing what to get her for her birthday last week because he called you earlier today to let you know that the tickets would be waiting at will-call. It was incredibly thoughtful of him, but it also served as yet another reminder of the uncertainty surrounding your relationship. The two of you acted like boyfriend-girlfriend, but you technically weren’t.

Generally, you couldn’t give a shit about labels. You thrived on doing things people didn’t expect of you, like getting a purple clip-in streak for your hair when you were only 14. But this was different; Andrei was different. You were falling in love with him and needed to know if he felt the same way.

You occasionally wished you’d gone straight home after class because the minute you met Andrei at the coffee shop near campus, he had you hooked, and you feared he’d break your heart. There was no way a gorgeous superstar athlete like him could possibly be interested in someone like you. Not that you thought you were ugly, but you were introverted and often preferred books to people. None of those things seemed to matter to Andrei, which would normally be a good thing but seemed to defy logic in this case. Your insecurities were eating you alive to the point that you needed to either define your relationship or end it.

Katie snapped her fingers in front of your face, startling you. “That’s it. What’s wrong?”

You sighed. “I just wish Andrei would tell me if he sees this thing going anywhere.”

“Are you kidding me? Everyone who’s got eyes knows that the boy is head over heels for you, Y/N!”

“But he hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend.”

Katie scrunched her face up in concentration, which you knew meant she was thinking of a solution to your conundrum. Her eyes flashed like a light bulb and she said, “Who says he has to ask you? Ask him.” You started to protest, but she cut you off. “It’s clearly bothering you, so you should be honest with him.”

You were about to protest again when Andrei finally emerged from the locker room with Jordan Staal, Brock McGinn, and Justin Williams. “Hey, babe.” He kissed you on the lips before turning toward Katie. “As an early birthday present, I thought you’d like to meet some of my teammates.”

Katie looked like she was going to faint. She idolized Justin Williams, was currently wearing a Jordan Staal jersey, and had a major crush on Brock McGinn that she had been trying (and failing) to suppress ever since you informed her that he already had a girlfriend. “I…” she stammered.

Jordan stepped forward and tugged on Katie’s sleeve. “Nice jersey you’ve got there. Want me to sign it?”

A grin made its way onto her face. “Yes, please! I mean, if you don’t mind.”

“It’d be my pleasure. Andrei told me your birthday’s tomorrow, and you’re his girl’s best friend, so I’m sure we’ll be seeing you around a lot.”

You paled at his words. The fact was, you weren’t Andrei’s girl, at least not really.

If Andrei noticed your reaction, he didn’t address it. “I was thinking maybe you and I could go for milkshakes at Steak n’ Shake?” he asked you.

“I’d love to, but Katie—”

“Will be fine,” Katie cut you off again. “I have the car, and Andrei will drive you home. Right?” She looked at the boy next to you, and you realized that he was holding your hand.

“What kind of person do you think I am?” he asked, mock offended. “Of course I’ll drive her home. Have fun!”

“Thank you, Andrei—you have no idea how much this means to me. And you,” she crushed you in a hug and Andrei let go of your hand so that you could hug her back. “You gave me the best birthday present I could ask for.” Then she whispered in your ear, “As a sign of my gratitude, I’m telling you: talk to him.”

You pulled away and nodded at her before taking Andrei’s hand again and walking to the parking garage.

***************

You smiled when you caught sight of Andrei returning to your table with your milkshakes (chocolate for him, strawberry for you).

“One strawberry milkshake for one beautiful girl,” he said while putting his arm around you, and you blushed.

“Thanks.” You took one sip of your milkshake and sighed in delight. “This is so good!”

“I’m glad you’re happy about something. You’ve been acting weird ever since we met up in the locker room. Did I…” he hesitated before continuing. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no, not at all,” you rushed to assure him. “I just have a lot on my mind.”

“I can see that,” he laughed nervously. “Listen, I have something I want to talk to you about, but that can wait. What’s wrong? You can talk to me.”

You hesitated for a moment, but then you remembered what Katie said to you. “You know how I haven’t dated in a while, right?”

“Yeah?” You could tell that Andrei had no idea where this was going.

“Well, the reason why was because I’d been unlucky in love. It started in high school with my first ex, who I dated during junior and senior year. We were high school sweethearts, I guess. But I went on Instagram and saw pictures of him and his ex together, and let’s just say it was clear he was cheating on me. It didn’t end well, of course.”

“I’m so sorry,” Andrei stroked your arm with his thumb.

“After that, I went to college and met my other ex,” you continued. “We dated for a year before he, too, cheated on me. That one hurt more because I thought he loved me. Instead, he broke—no, shattered—my heart. I wasn’t interested in dating when I came back for sophomore year, so I spent time with my friends and was finally happy on my own. But then I met you.” You took a deep breath. “In less than two months, you’ve managed to break down my walls and the truth is, I’m falling for you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, and the realization has been a bit scary, especially when I was waiting for you outside the locker room with all of the other SO’s. It was painfully clear that they knew where they stood, and I didn’t. I’ve never been one for labels, but I have to ask: do you feel the same way about me?”

You were out of breath by the time you finished your speech. You couldn’t believe you had said all that, but the weight lifting off your shoulders made it worth it.

After a few moments of silence, Andrei said, “That’s actually what I was going to talk to you about.”

Oh God, that didn’t sound good.

“It’s far past time that I tell you how I feel. Y/N L/N, I’m falling for you, too. Will you be my girl? Officially, I mean,” he added. “I’ve thought of you as my girl for a while now, but—”

“Yes, Andrei, I’ll be your girl.” You couldn’t help it; your giddiness made its way into your voice.

“Really?” He looked genuinely surprised.

“Of course I will, silly!” You leaned in and kissed your boyfriend.

After you pulled away for air, a comfortable silence settled over you before Andrei broke it: “So now that that’s settled, I want to make a toast.” You giggled as Andrei raised his milkshake. “I knew right away that we could have something special, but these past two months have shown me just how right we are for each other. To us.”

“To us,” you echoed and clinked your milkshake glass with his before taking another sip of your milkshake. You noticed Andrei eyeing you. “What? Do I have something on my face?”

“No, I just want to do this.” He leaned in and connected your lips in a passionate kiss. “Sorry, go back to enjoying your milkshake.”

You laughed and shook your head. “You are truly one of a kind.”

“So are you, babe,” he winked. It took all you had to not melt on the spot and finish your milkshake, and Andrei kept his arm around you the whole time. Nothing could ruin your good mood: you had a feeling this relationship could go the distance.

[epochofbelief]

Breath Control Chapter Two

here’s chapter two... unfortunately had to repost these first three chapters bc Tumblr deleted them or something!! 

TWO

“Feyre. Have you done any work for the past hour we have been sitting here?” 

Elain’s voice barely managed to penetrate my thoughts. I looked down at my textbook and shook my head. I had very bad cases of a hangover and a sour stomach. And embarrassment. And a broken heart. 

Thriving.

“Will you please just talk to me?” 

I’d met Elain at the library an hour ago, both of us planning to get some serious homework done before the week got started. I’d managed to tell Elain a little of what had happened last night but she hadn’t pried until now. 

“I don’t think I can talk about it.”

She huffed out a breath. “Feyre. If anyone knows what it feels like to have a broken heart, it would be me. So maybe I could help if you’d just talk to me.”

That’s right. Elain’s ex-boyfriend, Grayson, had broken up with her unexpectedly over the summer. Elain, positive he would be the man she married, and subsequently being denied admissions to the nursing schools she was trying to get into for grad school, had been in bad shape for a couple of months. I wasn’t sure if she was really okay now, or if she was just better at hiding it. She’d attended Mortal University for her undergraduate degree and had wanted to stay there for her masters--and hadn’t gotten in. Luckily she’d applied to Prythian’s school and had been accepted, but it wasn’t where she had wanted to end up at all. Away from her friends and our father, she’d started nursing school at the same time I’d started my sophomore year and I was pretty sure I was her only friend. 

Looked like she was my only friend, too. 

I sighed. Then explained. Tamlin and Ianthe all over each other. My public humiliation. And Rhys, unexpectedly driving me home and taking care of me, which was probably the most unexplainable part of the entire night. I hated it, but Tamlin’s behavior had hurt me but not surprised me. I’d barely said two words to Rhys the entire time I’d been at Prythian. We had a big swim team, about sixty people strong. Rhys and his friends--Cassian, Amren, Azriel, and Mor--were all in the middle distance group. Tamlin and Ianthe were sprinters. I swam distance, for the most part. The different training groups and large numbers made it difficult to bond with every single team member, so I didn’t know Rhys or his group at all. 

“Are you talking about Rhysand Night? That boy is hot.”

I did a double-take. That was a very brazen statement coming from Elain. “When have you ever even seen him?”

She raised her eyebrows. “I’ve been to your swim meets, you know. It’s easy to tell who has the best body and face from the stands.”

I groaned. “He saw me puke, Elain! I drunkenly poured my heart out to him. He must think I’m some kind of idiot. And now I am friendless on the team. Friendless. Especially after Rhys tells all his friends how pathetic I am.” I leaned over and put my face on my textbook. “I should quit now and cut my losses.”

Elain whacked me on the arm. “You most certainly will not quit! That beautiful boy was just--”

“Feyre?” 

I stilled. If I hadn’t recognized that voice last night, I definitely did now. Positive my cheeks were a flaming red, I slowly sat up. 

“Hey, Rhys,” I said meekly, my hand coming up in a very awkward wave. I shoved it back down.

“You ladies talking about beautiful boys? Surely no one around here, right?” He asked smoothly, folding his arms and leaning against a bookshelf.

Thank God Elain blushed for me. “Nobody you’d know.” 

He raised his brows and I prayed he hadn’t heard anything else. “Hey, I was going to text you. . . Then I realized I didn’t have your number. You left your wallet in my car last night… I didn’t find it until this morning. It’s in my backpack. I can go grab it and bring it to you.” 

I couldn’t believe I hadn’t even realized it was gone. “No, no, I’ll come with you. You don’t have to make another trip.” And ignoring his protests I jumped up and took off through the shelves. For some reason, I didn’t want him anywhere near Elain when she was casually throwing about the word “beautiful.” I scoffed. He wasn’t that attractive.

I was halfway through the stacks when I realized I didn’t actually know where I was going. “Uh…” 

“All my friends are over there. Are you sure you don’t want me to just grab it for you and bring it to you here?” 

I stopped in my tracks. I had the feeling he knew I wasn’t in the mood to speak to anyone right now. A mood I had been in for the past few months, but. . . I blew out a breath.  “Um. Yeah. Thank you.”

He squeezed past me, and for a moment I found myself so close to him I could feel his body heat as he turned and sidestepped through the narrow space between me and the shelves. I could have sworn he was holding his breath as he passed, and I had to crane my neck to see his face. Our eyes met. I shivered.

Then he was gone. I blew out another breath and slumped against the shelf behind me. What was wrong with me? I’d been broken up with Tamlin for less than twenty-four hours and I was already noticing other guys. Disgusted with myself, I stared at the titles across from me. 

Rhys was back in less than a minute, my wallet in his outstretched hand. I took it from him, taking extra care not to brush his hand with mine. “Thanks.” 

I made to turn around and return to the safety of Elain’s aura when he reached out and brushed my shoulder. “Are you doing okay? You know, after everything?”

“You don’t have to worry about me, Rhys. You already made sure I got home okay.”

He crossed his arms. “Yeah but I’d kind of be an asshole if I didn’t at least check in. Now tell me. Are you okay?”

His gaze didn’t falter from mine as he looked at me. His gorgeous face was serious. He was really asking. He wanted a genuine answer. Good or bad, he wanted to know. 

“No.” 

And when I turned around, he let me go.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rest of the day passed in a blur. Elain and I spent six hours in the library and I skipped out on the girls’ team dinner, claiming I had homework. I spent the evening locked in my room, dreading the inevitable moment when I ran into Ianthe, who was, after all, my roommate. Bitch, I muttered under my breath. 

It was eight o’clock and I had no plans for the rest of my evening, so I changed into my pajamas and flopped on the bed. Fully prepared to spend the night binging a TV show, I retrieved ice cream from my fridge and got under the covers. An hour into The Witcher, I got a text.

Rhysand Night: You’re going to practice in the morning, right?

I frowned. He was clearly texting the wrong person. And how did he have my number?

I opened the text and discovered that he had texted his phone from mine last night… 

Me: I was planning on it

Rhysand Night: Just checking. I know you may not feel like going right now, but I don’t want to see you getting in trouble

Being a part of a college level swim team meant twenty hours of training a week. Practice at 5:30 in the morning most weekdays and again in the afternoon. I didn’t know why Rhys felt the need to check on me--missing practice meant getting chewed out by the head coach. If you missed more than one practice, you got suspended. No way would I blatantly take that risk.

Me: I’ll be there

I shut off my phone and went to bed.

----------------

I barely dragged myself out of practice the next morning. And the morning after that. And the morning after that. For two weeks after Halloween, I ignored Ianthe as much as humanly possible. She made no attempt to apologize. Tamlin had even kept his distance. I showed up at practice, swam (albeit poorly), went to class, went to practice, and went home. I was reaching new levels of anti-social. Elain was busy with study groups and classes and Nesta wouldn’t be in town for another week. She worked as a flight attendant and split her time between our father's and her and Elain’s shared place.

I just couldn’t bring myself to do anything besides school and swim. The fact that I had wasted a year of my life on Tamlin Spring was tearing me apart from the inside out. And breaking up with him had made me realize all of the things I had wasted my life on for the past year. Why was I pursuing a degree in exercise science when I loved literature and art? Why had I put all my effort into one friendship with a bitch who had stabbed me in the back at her first opportunity? I had no other friends on the swim team I had chosen during my recruitment process, thinking it was the “place for me.” I was in the wrong place, had chosen the wrong people, and was aiming for the wrong future. The worst part was, it was all my fault. My blindness had seeped into every part of my life and I barely knew who I was without my overbearing boyfriend and the friend who had steered me around for my entire college experience.

On Thursday morning, over a week and a half after the Halloween party, Coach King texted me to meet him in his office after my classes for the day were over. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it since. An impromptu meeting with Coach King usually implied a fate worse than death. At this point, I deserved anything he had to say to me. My grades had fallen in the past few weeks (I had failed a test on Monday and two quizzes since then) and my training had continued to worsen. 

My suspicions proved correct when I arrived for the meeting and Coach King started explaining the reason he had called me to his office. He mentioned my grades and my training and the fact that I had barely spoken or shown any signs of life at practice for days. He wanted to know what was wrong. He wanted to know what he could do to help. But mostly, he wanted me to fix it--fast. Then he told me he was moving me to the middle distance training group.

“Wh--what?!”

Moving training groups in the middle of the year was unheard of. Potentially season-ending. If he was moving me from distance to middle distance, he was most likely saying I wouldn’t travel or compete for the rest of the year. It took time to adjust to a new training regimen. 

I tried to protest, but he told me he had made his decision and felt I was more cut out for middle distance events anyway. The adjustment wouldn’t be too drastic. And he wanted me to take the rest of the week off and start fresh on Monday. 

That’s the thing about college athletics. Coaches can be great coaches. They can get a team from nothing to something quick if they know what they’re doing. Some can even do that and help their swimmers develop as people, too. But for most coaches, when it came down to it, weakness was weakness, no matter the reason. And I was currently the weakest link on the team. Coach King had to do something about it and this was apparently the best he could come up with.

I mumbled something to Coach King about seeing the sports psychologist and trying harder at the new practices. I felt certain he had vague ideas about the couples on the team, so he probably knew about my Tamlin situation. I didn’t feel the need to mention it to him. I left his office and made it all the way down the five flights of stairs and out the back entrance into the cloudy, chilly afternoon before I allowed myself to cry. 

I had messed up my life so royally that I had no idea how to fix it. I wouldn’t be surprised if Coach King kicked me off the team in a matter of weeks. We had a travel meet coming up, and I felt certain that I wouldn’t make the cut. I’d be stuck at Prythian U while all my teammates that I had developed no relationship with would travel. 

Head down, I was rushing to my car as my tears fell when I ran headfirst into a warm body. 

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry--”

“We have to stop meeting like--Feyre.”

“Rhys.” I kept my eyes on the crack in the parking lot pavement at my feet.

“Are you okay?”

“You’ve got to stop asking me that question! I know you don’t care! Let me deal with this by myself.” I made to push past him but he followed me to my car anyways. 

“Feyre. I do care. I’m your teammate. And it doesn’t seem like anybody else on the team is lining up to ask how you’re doing, so I’m here to do that. I want to help you.” Something in his voice made me pause, but I couldn’t figure out what it was.

“Just fuck off. You don’t even know me.”

He threw up his hands as I struggled to unlock my extremely old Volkswagen with the key fob. My tears and anger were making it very hard to open the door.

“For God’s sake, Feyre! Would you stop being so damn difficult and let someone help you? You’ve been a ghost at practice these past few weeks and Coach King just told me you were moving to my training group.”

I unlocked my car and wrenched it open. “Leave me alone.”

Rhys grabbed my car door and refused to let me close it. I glared at his stupid, gorgeous, violet eyes. “I bet you like this. An excuse to just give up, get yourself kicked off the team. Much easier than having to face Tamlin at practice everyday, much easier than having to make new friends.”

I narrowed my eyes. And slapped him across the face. 

He touched his cheek. A spark of satisfaction lit up against the confusion and depression that lived within my gut. I had surprised him. And shut him up.

“Wow. I guess I deserved that. But you know I’m right.”

And the fact was, I did. He had said out loud what was going on deep inside me, what I was dangerously close to giving in to. I was shocked someone I barely knew could even begin to fathom what was going on so deep within my brain that I had yet to admit it to myself.  But most of all, I was angry. Angry that this boy thought he had some sort of right to me pouring out my heart to him or at the very least accepting his help. He wasn’t a captain. He had no jurisdiction over me. 

“Fine! You’re right! Are you happy now?” I wanted to wipe the smug look off his face. I cast around for something, anything to make him understand even a little bit what I was feeling. “Any other accusations you want to spit at me to make me hate myself more than I already do?” 

His smirk fell. Satisfied once more, I thought he’d let me leave, but he held fast to my car door. 

“Tell me what to do to help you. Tell me and I’ll do it.”

I blinked. I thought he would yell at me some more. I hadn’t expected such an open offer, more raw and entreating than anything Tamlin had ever said to me.

 I hated that my year with Tamlin had made me think that a guy treating me nicely was a rare commodity. I deserved to be treated with more kindness than Tamlin had ever bestowed on me. I knew that, and yet--I didn’t know how to accept that kindness anymore. I was now so deeply confused about myself, my team, and Rhys that I merely stood there, staring at Rhys without really seeing him, and contemplating the nature of my existence for the past year. 

Rhys, appearing to come to the conclusion that I had nothing to say in response to his entreaty, cleared his throat. “I know there’s a team party this weekend, as per usual. But my friends and I are going to hang out ourselves and stay sober since we have a meet the weekend after. I want you to come. In fact, I insist.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but he kept talking. “If you don’t show, I’ll tell the captains you haven’t actually been sick or studying during the past two team meetings you’ve missed. I’ll text you the address. Come. Please. We won’t talk about Tamlin or anything difficult. Plus, you should probably meet your new training group.”

That was right. Rhys and all his friends were in the middle distance group. I’d be subject to all of them starting Monday. 

And because I couldn’t think of any excuse, because I couldn’t have the captains knowing the concrete truth about my absences, because maybe somewhere deep within me desired help, I agreed.

[justasparkwritings]

Codename Cupid: Chapter 14

Previous: Justifying Jimin

Pairing: Kim Taehyung X OFC

Genre: Angst, Secret AgentAU, AgentAU, Government Agent AU

Rating: PG17

Word Count: 2.6K

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Non-Consensual Sex, Mentions of Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recover, Rape Culture

Summary: Codename V and Codename Cupid begin their courtship, which ends rather quickly when Cupid crosses a line. 

TRIGGER WARNING: There is conversation regarding rape in this chapter. It does not glamorize, but does give modest details. 

PLEASE SKIP IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ 

Codename: Love Reimagined

Fall, One Year Post Grad

           Lee Euna met Kim Taehyung on a Wednesday. Both were attending a gallery opening, Taehyung as a friend of the artist, Euna as an investor. He knew the minute she walked into the gallery, the way her pearls glistened in the carefully planned lighting, her midnight locks curled to delicate tendrils cascading down her back. There were many adjectives to describe Lee Euna, and as a woman nearing the top of the largest company in the world, the one that was most often negated was beautiful. Lee Euna, a stunner, a total package, brilliant, kind, gorgeous. Taehyung could understand the draw to her, her demeanor was congenial, but her eyes were daring. They spoke when her lips didn’t, they saw what others tried to hide, they observed and recorded so that she could strike. To an untrained eye, in combination with the way tabloids depicted her, Euna wasn’t a threat.

           But Taehyung knew different.

           Armed with the knowledge of her last two relationships, Taehyung approached confidently.

           “The use of yellow is a fascinating commentary, don’t you think?” Taehyung asked.

           “Mm, I’m more intrigued by the abject use of black as negative space, particularly as it moves throughout the series, blurring ever so slightly with each piece,” Euna told him, eyes trained on the image in front of them.

           “Until you get to the end, completely white,” Taehyung finished.

           “You know the artist?” She asked him.

           “I do, and you?” He smiled brightly at her.

           “Let’s just say I have a piece in mind,” She smirked gently.

           “I’m Taehyung,”

           “Euna,”

           “It’s nice to meet you. May I walk with you to the next piece?” Taehyung asked, a gently smile dancing across his lips, the anticipation of understanding Cupid further, of getting to see the sides of her Codename Suga and Mr. Handsome, got to see. It was always exciting, he thought, getting to know a new mark, exploring the dynamics, flirting with the soon to be blurred lines. Ever the extrovert, he thrived when he was taken off surveillance and placed in the field, even when he ran missions on the ground, following marks, urging them in certain directions or to locations, the threat of being caught was high, and he loved it. Standing next to Cupid, waiting patiently for her response, he felt that first inkling of danger, of mystique, of upholding the narrative Namjoon had constructed for him.

           “That would be lovely,” Cupid smiled before turning to walk towards the next piece.

~~~~~

           Taehyung courted Cupid for the next few weeks, before she took him to dinner and into her bed. From there, it was a blur of museum openings, concerts, gala’s and drinks with friends. From the jump, Cupid was 100% in. She was immediately falling for Taehyung, making plans for their future, and bulldozing boundaries like traffic cones in drivers ed. Tired of being hurt, jaded from heartbreak, Cupid was already swimming in the deep end while he tiptoed in. Getting him to her side, though, proved difficult and frustrating. Taehyung tried to resist, to persistently put up new and more transparent boundaries, but they always seemed like a suggestion to Cupid. He allowed it to go on for a few months, until it became alarmingly clear that this was not acceptable, and she was going to move forward without asking him if it was okay.

           Taehyung scheduled a meeting with Namjoon, in the privacy of his fully walled office, and sulked in. The nerves at an all-time high, the panic he felt, the sickness in his stomach, the low taste of bile in his throat, loomed large over him.

           “Something’s not right,” Taehyung said to Namjoon. He sat opposite his brother on the couch Namjoon kept in his office for late night missions, or nights when he didn’t want to drive home.

           “Meaning?” Namjoon asked, confusion laced in his bespectacled eyes.

           “I think it’s getting out of hand,” Taehyung sat with his hands in his lap, eyes downcast as the tears began to fall. He’d shown minimal distress throughout their team meetings but was spending less and less free time in the office. A sign, that both Yoongi and Seokjin took to mean he was with Cupid, though transcripts weren’t showing up.

           Gently placing a hand on his forearm, Namjoon asked, “Tae, what’s wrong?”

           “I can’t do this, with Cupid,” He whispered.

           “What’s happened?” Namjoon asked, unsure where this was going.

           “She, she’s trying to get pregnant, Yoongi was right, she’s obsessed with it,” Taehyung inhaled slowly, rickety breaths leaving his quivering lips.

           “By you?” Namjoon was confused, it hadn’t been long enough for her to start making these claims, they’d only been seeing each other for a handful of months. Was she deviating from the pattern?

           “Yes,” Taehyung let out the sob he’d been trying and failing to hold. Namjoon had seen the man cry, in their years together, he’d seen everyone cry. They’d lost a mark, years ago, and Taehyung had just been a trainee. The man, in touch with his emotions and often lost in thought, took his job seriously, and worked diligently to do his best at all times. This, whatever was happening between Cupid and him, was abnormal.

           “Taehyung, what is she doing?” Namjoon’s voice was measured, gentle in tone and volume, deep resonance embracing Taehyung in support, in love, in familiarity, in understanding.

           “She’s scraping out condoms, not letting me pull out, and I’ve torn condoms before because there’s holes in them. Holes, Joon, I’ve found them in the wrapper!” Taehyung was shaking, tears still streaming from his emotive eyes.

           “Does she think you don’t know?”

           “I don’t know. She doesn’t care or she thinks I don’t care, or -

           “Is this nonconsensual?” Namjoon asked.

           A simple question, a measurement of balance of power, of two adults mutually agreeing on a set activity, of a designated maneuver, of an act, together, one not moving forward without the other, in tandem. Do you consent to this, or do you not?

           “Absolutely not. She has never asked, nor have I given any form of consent. I have actively tried to stop her, I have actively tried to not engage with her, I have said no and stop. She doesn’t.” The sobs return, shaking his entire body.

           Namjoon wrapped an arm around Taehyung and pulled him into his side. Taehyung didn’t need to look at Namjoon to know how incensed he was, how furious he was, how heartbroken and disgusted and devastated, he was. He felt it in the bear like hold he had over him, he heard it in his voice as he spoke again.

           “Your mission with Cupid is terminated immediately, get your phone, you will end your relationship right here and now.”

           “Will that ruin the plan?” Taehyung whispered.

           “What’s the number one rule?” Namjoon countered.

           “Our safety, and our emotional and physical health are more important than a mark or mission,” Taehyung didn’t need to think, it was written on his heart, he’d just hoped he’d never have to evoke it.

           “Exactly. Do you want to use your time off? I suggest you do, take a few days. Do you need to go back to your therapist, Dr. Aarons?” Namjoon rattled off the necessary measures Taehyung could take, knowing he would force him to rest and ease back into work.

           Nodding solemnly, Taehyung’s voice was a whisper. “Yeah, that might be a good place to start. I’m sorry,”

           “Sorry for what?” Namjoon shook his head, confusion in his tone.

           “For, I don’t know, disappointing the team.” Taehyung glanced up at Joon for the first time.

           “Taehyung, when have you ever disappointed the team?” Namjoon’s question was rhetorical. “You are risking yourself for a mission and it’s not worth it. She’s engaging in dangerous, illegal, immoral behavior. You have to look out for your personhood. I am so sorry that she has done this, and that you feel like you need to apologize to me at all. You are not at fault. I am only disappointed that when I noticed you pulling away, I didn’t seek you out to ensure you were okay. I am sorry for not doing my part as your leader.”

           Taehyung held Namjoon as they let the words float between them, Taehyung breathing them in as Namjoon’s softened gaze continued to hold him.

           “Thank you,” Taehyung whispered.

           “Do you want me to accompany you and Golden Maknae when you break up with her?” Namjoon stood up, stretching before sitting down at his desk.

           “Can’t I just ghost her?” Taehyung was surprised by the suggestion of doing this in person.

           Namjoon looked at him, realizing the suggestion he’d made. “Aren’t you past that point in your relationship?”

           “I don’t know, it’s only been four months?” Taehyung stood.

           “Four months and she already wants to procreate?” Namjoon was stunned again, nothing about Cupid predicted this. It wasn’t a pattern of behavior, but a hint at one, nothing had come to fruition and he wasn’t going to put another man on Cupid detail ever again.

           “You’ve seen my jaw,” Taehyung smirks.

           “Text her, don’t call, we know how that went for Yoongi,”

           “Can I do it in here?” He asks.

           “Conference room? I need to brief the team,”

           “Okay,”

           “You don’t have to stay. Once you break up with her, you can go home, Tae. You don’t need to stay for this at all, you aren’t required to,” Namjoon stood from his desk and guided Taehyung out of his office to the conference room.

           “I’ll stay,” Tae nodded, using the sleeve of his cardigan to blot his tears.

           “You do not to explain to them what happened,” Namjoon informed him.

           “I know,” Tae nodded again.

           “What’s up?” Hoseok asked sitting down at the conference table. He’d yet to finish his project, recreating a few false documents for Jimin.

           “Yeah, we’re having a full meeting at 3PM? Isn’t it almost quitting time?” Yoongi wondered as he twirled in his chair.

           “One step closer to Friday,” Seokjin reminded him.

           “We have an update on Codename, Hoseok, what did you name V’s mission?” Namjoon said, stuffing his hands in his suit pants.

           “Love Reimagined,” Answered Hoseok.

           “One of your shorter titles,” Yoongi quipped.

           “What was Yoongi’s?” Jimin asked.

           “Codename: Another Shot at Love,” Hoseok was proud of himself, beyond proud. He took great care to name each mission or task, ensuring it was fitting and catchy. He was waiting for their final mission on this case, a chance to reference one of his favorite Netflix Originals.

           “And Jimin’s?” Yoongi added.

           “The ongoing, Codename: The Mochi of it All,” Hoseok beamed.

           "What was mine?" Seokjin wondered.

           "Codename: The First Heartbreak," Hoseok couldn't stop smiling.

           “Why must you take the time to give such long names?” Seokjin laughed.

           “It’s part of my flair,” Hoseok giggled.

           “Alright, Codename: Love Reimagined is hereby closed, finished, completed.” Namjoon said redirecting the men. They all turned to face him, confusion and shock on their faces. This wasn’t the plan.

           “Really?” Hoseok asked.

           “Why?” Yoongi followed.

           “How come?” Seokjin rounded out the men.

           “It’s cancelled,” Namjoon’s voice was firm, a means to end the conversation.

           “Taehyung, are you okay?” Jimin asked. The two men shared an apartment, and Jimin had noticed on more than one occasion Taehyung retreating into himself. He felt it too, the absence of his best friend, his partner in work and in friendship, no longer wanting to spend time together like they always did. He hadn’t checked in as much as he wanted, his own mission filling his time as the relationship progressed consistently. Jimin spent time twirling his engagement ring on his finger, embarrassed by how much he liked the medal on his skin, the small encrusted diamonds twinkling in the light.  

           “No, I’m not okay,” Taehyung could always meet Jimin’s gaze, his hurt brown irises inked with tears told Jimin it was far worse than he realized.

           “You don’t have to tell us,” Yoongi said. “But if you do, I guarantee we’ll fuck them up.”            “Codename Cupid took advantage of me, more than once, in a sexual manner,” Taehyung pushed the words out of his mouth, the burden leaving his shoulders as he leaned into the comfort of his friends.

           “Are you fucking serious?” Yoongi yelled.

           “No, no,” Jimin shook his head, the tears already forming.

           “Tae,” Jin whispered.

           “You, are you, oh my god,” Hoseok couldn’t comprehend the words coming out of Taehyung’s mouth.

           “I’m done, cancel my mission,” Jimin declared.

           “We can’t cancel your mission,” Namjoon said.

           “Why not?” Jimin demanded, eyes on fire.

           “What good does that serve us?” Countered Namjoon.

           “I, you expect me to date this guy, be engaged to him, when his sister raped one of us? Are you fucking with me?” Jimin yelled again, standing to slam his hands against the table. Taehyung winced, not only at the volume, but because he hadn’t used the word yet, hadn’t thought it applied to what had happened to him… but maybe, it did.

           “I expect you to complete your mission as directed unless Codename Arrow is endangering your life,” Namjoon repeated.

           “I won’t,” Jimin said.

           “You will, you have what, three weeks left?” Namjoon asked.

           “The engagement party is December 21,” Jimin said.

           “Alright, it’s almost Thanksgiving. You just gotta make it until then,” Yoongi offered, a shrug of his shoulders. In Jimin’s place, he would absolutely end things with Arrow, but they needed the last set of Christmas bonus checks and the final 2020 financial reports, both of which wouldn’t populate on Arrow or Cupid’s computers until mid-December.

           “She abused him,” Jimin whispered, the tears falling down his cheeks.

           “Jiminie has a point,” Hoseok muttered.

           “We cannot let this slide,” Seokjin said. “I never thought, I never thought she’d do this.”

           “We will have justice when we bring them down,” Namjoon reminded them, his words hollow in the moment of their pain.

           “Do we have evidence of the, of the, fuck, I can’t say it,” Yoongi shook his head, the words stuck on his tongue.

           “You don’t have to say it,” Taehyung’s voice was raw, emotions bare. “I’ve documented what I can, bagged things, written a detailed report… I used one of Hobi’s forged Police Reports to document what I knew they’d ask and took pictures to accompany it. The evidence is sealed in my office.”

           Lifting his head to look at him, Yoongi asked, “Taehyung, how long have you been sitting on this?”

           “Not too long, a couple of weeks,” Taehyung shrugged. It had only happened three times, which is three times too many, and three times it shouldn’t have. He had been shocked the first time, unsure what had truly happened to him. The second time, she used a different tactic, and he knew what it was. The third time caught him off guard, unawares. He was embarrassed that he let it happened, mortified that he put himself in this situation, and angry that he was so mad at himself instead of being outraged, furious, loathing, towards her.

           “Tae,” Jimin said again.

           “We need to write an official report so we can put this into our official filing,” Namjoon’s voice had simmered, its resolute calm returning.

           “Not tonight,” Seokjin said, a reminder that Taehyung was still reeling from the trauma.

           “Have you broken up with her?” Yoongi asked Taehyung.

           “I texted when we sat down,” Taehyung fished his phone out of his pocket. “She responded.”

           “Do you want to read it out loud?” Namjoon questioned.

           “Hobi’s just going to send us a memo of it anyway,” Yoongi shrugged, his heart weighing down his entire body. “After this, can we call it a day?”

           “Absolutely,” Namjoon agreed. “Taehyung, you want to read it?”

           “It says,” He scanned the message, eyebrows shooting towards his hairline, jaw slacking as he reread the message. “She says, she says she’s pregnant.”

Next: How Cricket Got Her Name

[kunderdogs]

Making Out With VAV

Let me start off by saying I've been into VAV since June 2018 and they're coming to my city in a few months. I will fucking die when I see them okay. On an unrelated note the photos with them are like $40 each and if you want one with each member its $250 (which is more expensive than the vvip tickets!) Ugh should I get them all or do 1? I'd feel terrible if one member's line for pics was shorter than another ya know UGH I'M GOING THRU IT PLS HELP ME

I got carried away with some of the members but tried to keep it short so I'm sorry others are longer than some. ^^' I’m not even Baron biased but why does he hurt me so...I’m so sorry Lou.

Thank you to the anon who requested this. As you all can tell, I have a weakness for VAV so I love writing them. - Cookie

St. Van:

I've deadass dreamed about making out with St. Van (who hasn't? you're lying if you said you didn't). He's such a fucking tease LIKE WHY SIR? 

Anyway, I can imagine making out with him is ALWAYS hot and heavy, no matter where you are. 

He'd much rather make out in his room or your place, where no one can interrupt because 11/10 times it's going to escalate to new heights. 

Honestly, he has no preference when it comes to a "make out style". If you want it short and sweet, he's down. Rough with lots of tongue? Sign him up! 

Doesn't like much dialog when he's in the mood, he'll catch your face in his hands and open mouth kiss you so you didn't get any mixed signals. 

Likes to be dominate no matter what but he likes when you're sitting on his lap. 

His hands, without fail, will always be in your hair - stroking, pulling, pushing it from your face. 

If it's up, NOT FOR LONG 'cause he'll take it out the ponytail

That's on hair pulling kinks

Be prepared for lots of noise. 

He's a moaner and WILL moan in your mouth if you nibble his lip or try to take over the dominate role. 

He'll find it so so so hot when you're rough with him - his unoccupied hand will grip your thigh and force you to connect your bodies fully and he'll definitely grind up into you, pushing your hips down into him. 

There's absolutely nothing gentle about making out with St. Van. 

He won't bruise you but ALMOST.

He'll give you bedroom eyes when you pull away and smirk when he notice how turned on you are. 

Leaning back into the couch with his head tilted to the side and breathing just a bit hard, he'll lick his lips disrespectfully. "I like when you're on top, baby girl, but I think we should take this to the bed, hm?"

(FUCK I GTG HOW AM I GONNA LOOK THIS MAN IN THE EYES WHEN I MEET HIM? IDK LORD HELP ME)

Baron:

Ok my sweet baby Baron. 

I feel like he's a low key freak. 

BUT A GENTLEMAN. 

The first couple of make outs are sweet and precious. 

He's very loving and kind so he won't be rough with you, like never. 

Is so shy the first time, but will initiate it about maybe 3 weeks in the relationship - sooner if you're flirty. 

Doesn't know what the hell you're comfortable with in this new step of your relationship. Picture this:

It's been a few weeks since you two made it official, even though you went through a month of the talking phase. You were flirty, but Chungheop was still shy with you on certain things. Today, the two of you had a fun-filled day at the amusement park. He had been eyeing you with heart eyes all day and you to him as well. It was hard not to, especially when you have a boyfriend as cute as him! As you were driving back to Seoul, the rain came down in buckets but Baron didn't want to go back to the dorms just yet. With cute puppy-eyes he asked you if he could come over to hang out for a few hours. There was absolutely no way for you to resist that.

So here you were, walking back into the living room after changing out of those ridiculously tight skinny jeans and into your pajama shorts. You traded your cute blouse for one of Baron's large shirts. He was lounging on the couch, scrolling through Netflix for something to kill the time with. Nothing was particularly catching his eye though. He didn't have to wait long until you flopped directly next to him and snuggled into his side.

As he took in your attire, his heart was pounding a thousand times a minute. You were too cute! When you two mutually decided on a Rom-Com, he got bored pretty quickly and shyly kissed your cheek.

With a smile, you turned to see him gazing at you. He leaned closer to your lips and hesitated only for a second before closing the distance. Softly, slowly would mold his lips to yours. Chungheop tilted his head to the side, softly exhaling while the arm on the back of the couch comes to the back of your neck.

Won't introduce tongue but will groan when you do it first. 

Heavy breathing and a whole lot of gentle caressing. 

His fingers slide down your cheek to cup your jaw before trailing to your cleavage only to settle on your hip. 

He won't have a tight grip, it's always light but never in the same place for very long - boy has wondering hands. 

Typically they're gripping and stroking. 

Will quietly groan if you deepen the kiss or start touching his skin (neck, stomach). 

His lips aren't ever rough with you 

He'll like to take his time tasting you. 

He's a nibbler/biter so expect him to bite gently on your lips a few times. 

Also he'll pull some freaky moves out of nowhere like sucking on your tongue and smile cheekily when you moan into him. 

Likes to keep you on your toes so some times, just to hear you gasp in surprise, he'll throw you on the bed/couch with a playful smirk.

Overall, he’s very sweet to you. “You look so cute like that, baby.”

Ace:

A whole tease. That's it. That's the post.

Jk. But Wooyoung is a big fan of a foreplay, like this is where he thrives! 

He knows how to fuck with you too, so he'll initiate the kisses and will make them so fluttering and lingering that you'll be on the verge of trying to smash his lips to yours. 

He'll pull away and be like "Uh-uh don't be so impatient, baby. We got all night~" 

Might even laugh a little bit if you were getting frustrated with all his teasing. 

He's the type to dominate everything about making out but it's in a sensual way (?) 

like not rough or aggressive at all. 

Will sneak his tongue in to spice it up after a few minutes just to catch you off guard.

Tongue

LOTS AND LOTS OF IT

French kissing

With a lot of moans from him - he’s pretty vocal but he’s not nearly as loud as you

Likes to suck - on any part of skin on your body. He’s not picky

Sloppy kisses since he has less self control than you think he does

He'll pick up the pace only to slow it down again and smile when you make noises into his mouth. 

Lives for the moment that you finally break under all the teasing and yank his hair.

Ace likes to catch you off guard a lot so he'll sneak up on you when you're distracted and spin you around just to give you kisses. 

He's a romantic at heart so back hugs that turn into making out on the kitchen counter are very common for you two. 

Wooyoung wouldn't want to make-out in public spaces but a hello and goodbye peck when he's in disguise is alright. 

He'll be mortified if you were in the middle of a heated make out session, his hands slowly creeping up your shirt only for the members to burst in. 

He would be soooooo red in the face lol so yeah y'all would have to be ALONE ALONE to have any real freaky time.

Ayno:

(first off, how dare I use this gif)

Has zero self control when it comes to his s/o

As mentioned previously, Ayno is an ass man

So if you want him to jump your bones, just wear a flattering pair of skinny jeans or a tight skirt

He’ll literally follow you around like a puppy

Lots of gulping, narrowed eyes stuck to your hips and ass as you walked in front of him

When it comes to making out, he’s the same way

A kiss is never just one and done

NO MA’AM, he wants all the smoke

He knows you like how his lips are so he goes in for the kill immediately

No build up

He’ll catch your wrist and spin you to face him

As soon as you notice his body pressed into you, his lips are pushing and pulling you to fold into him

Who are you to deny him that?

Doesn’t waste any time with teasing - his tongue is already putting in work

Likes to cradle your head and tilt it up to him

Wants to hear you whimper and moan breathlessly into him

Always likes to break the kiss to stare at you with an intensity that has your blood boiling

But is soooo playful

Might smirk and leave you hanging

Some times he’ll purposefully attack your mouth when you two really shouldn’t be kissing like when you went to his parent’s house

Enjoys the thrill of getting touchy when you guys could be caught any moment

A little bit of an exhibitionist 

He’ll tickle you or nuzzle you to cut some of the sexual tension or say something to make you giggle as he’s pressing kisses on your cheeks

Looooves to handle you if you’d let him

REALLY loves when you handle him too!!!

That one time when you pushed him on the couch, straddled him and yanked his hair, he swore that he was in heaven.

He’ll easily submit to you if you want him too

But he’ll make you work for it

Licking your lips, neck

Yoonho will beg you to let him put hickeys on you and when you agree, he’ll jump on you that second

Jacob:

HOt, heavy, messy, passionate all the time with no build up or warning for you at all. 

Jacob likes to keep you guessing so he'll initiate a make-out just about damn near everywhere and at any given time. 

He honestly doesn't care whose in the room, unless it was like yours or his family. 

The members and other staff? 

Yeah, doesn't matter - if he wants to kiss you then he will. 

If they don't wanna see it, they better leave because he won't stop unless you want him to ;)

Making out isn’t just kissing for him - it’s a prelude to the nasty-ness that’s about to come

So if you try to break the kiss to go answer your phone, he’s thoroughly offended and will drag you back to his lips

The type to walk in, no words, and catch the back of your neck with his large hand

Likes to make out with you against surfaces with him standing up

He’ll tell you he thinks it’s really hot when you wrap your legs around his waist

A bit of a size kink because he loves to corner you and pin you to the wall/bed and hover over you

You...have absolutely no complaints so...

He’s the dominate role even in making out

But just so gentle and loving that it makes you swoon

Rarely makes a sound other than breathing heavily, humming or growling

Face grabbing!!!!!

100% of the time will grind into you

Since his body is always smashed against yours, he doesn’t need to move much for you two to feel the friction

Has a habit of biting his lip and looking to the sky to grab his composure 

Likes your attention on him so he’ll grab your jaw

Playful but not as Ayno

Chuckles when he accidentally tickles you but easily refocuses your attention to the matter at hand:

His tongue in your mouth

Lou:

Shy baby won’t initiate any make-outs until later in the relationship

Probably like 3-4 months into it

Doesn’t mean he doesn’t like making out

Exactly the opposite actually

Hosung loves the intimacy of making out with his partner and finds it really romantic

Is very soft about the entire thing

Nearly melts into a puddle when you kiss him out of nowhere, literal hearts in his eyes 

Light pecks - just lips pressed against each other the first few seconds then he’ll slowly move and close his eyes

Hardly any freaky shit until he’s more comfortable with you

When he is comfortable, he’s still very sweet and loving but will be a bit of a tease

Likes to pull away from you and watch you chase his lips

Will play innocent when you get upset that he won’t move against you

Makes you work for it ‘cause he’s a bit of a brat

His hand kink will show during make outs

As soon as your hands touch him under his shirt, he’s a mess

Loud, deep groans and sucking his breath

Wants to watch you so he’ll love it when you’re in his lap

Lots of slow, teasing kisses until he can feel you grind into him

“Do that again.”

Knows how deep his voice can get so when he figures out it’s a turn on for you, he won’t shut up

“If you keep kissing me like that, I’ll have to take you in the room.”

“Unless you want me to strip you right here on the couch?”

“Princess, you’re eager hm? Mhm, I like that~”

You try your best to shut him up but the more you do, the more he’ll do also

He doesn’t prefer boobs over ass or vice versa but he tends to find his hands are constantly caressing your ass and waist a lot

Is hardly ever rough with you but will appreciate a few bites and sharp grips from your hands

Ziu:

Playful then turns hot and heavy. 

Heejun likes to goof off so making out will start off very innocent. 

You two could be just talking and laughing and he'll strike- tickling you and tackling you onto the couch. 

Eventually, it'll die down and as you were giggling and telling him he was crushing you under his weight, he'd be too busy staring at you to hear you. 

In a split second, he leaned down and gave you a soft kiss - something to convey what he was thinking at the moment. 

He had no intentions of going past that but when he felt your arms wrap around his shoulders, thin fingers stroking the back of his neck and down his back, it sends shivers down his spine. 

Ziu knows how big he is, and he is very cautious of you as well so he won't be rough with you unless there's a special reason. 

Usually, his hands stay on your body, running patterns down your sides but they'll always settle on the swell of your hips or your ass. 

He'll definitely man-handle you a bit - pulling you on to him, pushing you into the couch/bed. 

Some times he forgets how strong he is so his kisses suddenly turn very passionate, and in turn kind of sloppy. 

Open mouth kisses with lots of tongue clashing.

Likes a little bit of pain

Your nails scratching his back, yanking on his hair - as long as there’s no blood

He's pretty vocal, groaning and whispering sweet words in your ear. 

Dirty talk is only for rough sex so most times he'll be just a big ball of love and sensual, lingering kisses.

Then, when you want to deepen the kiss, he'll leave you hanging out of literally nowhere and look at you like you're crazy for trying to get freaky in the dorm living room when any of his members could walk in. 

"We're not doing any of what you're thinking on this couch, little lady." 

Finds it hilarious how sexually frustrated he can get you though, so he'll leave you hanging a lot more than you want lol.

Will probably laugh in your face when you pout and curse him for turning you on with no intention to finish

[therainroguefanfiction]

🎃 Frightful October Act I, #3 ~ Movie Marathon (Nathan Prescott)

📑 Table of Contents

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Friendship, Halloween

Word Count: 2,876

Pairing: Reader x Nathan

World: Life is Strange

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The bell rang, signaling the end of class. You stretched your arms above your head, your back cracking. For some reason, the day felt like it had passed by agonizingly slow, and you still had another class before you could go home. Unlike most of the students that attended Blackwell Academy, you didn’t live in the dorms on campus – your apartment was a five-minute walk away. The main reason you chose not to live in the dorms is that you didn’t much care to be brought into all the drama that the students thrived off of.

You gathered your things before stepping out of the classroom. Your best friend was waiting near the door, his fingers flying across the keyboard on his phone. Sean Jamison stood at five-foot-five, his thin frame covered by a pair of jeans and a chocolate brown sweater. His blonde hair looked like it had been cut using a bowl, and his brown eyes shined with mischief. He was a technology geek that planned to major in computer science and game design when he graduated.

He glanced over at you, pushing his square glasses up with his middle finger. “Last period is math, your favorite.”

You scowled at him as you passed. “Don’t remind me. We can’t all be number genius’ like you.”

Sean chuckled, throwing his arm over your shoulder. “Don’t worry, the number genius won’t let you fail!”

“You better not. I can’t afford to flunk because of one subject.” You entered the classroom, making a beeline for the table at the back but Sean tightened his grip, pulling you back.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, Y/N.” he wagged his finger in your face. “How can you learn properly sitting in the back of the class?”

“I am not sitting in the front,” you deadpanned.

Sean frowned, pushing up his glasses. The fluorescent lights reflected off of the lenses, hiding his eyes. “Then we can compromise by sitting in the middle.”

You didn’t care for that, either, but it was better than sitting up front. There were four rows of three desks, allowing two people per desk. You scanned the room before choosing the third row from the front, sitting under one of the large windows. Sean sat beside you, focusing on his mobile game.

There were still a few minutes before class began, so you turned your attention to the window. It was the beginning of October, the sky overcast as a chilly breeze knocked leaves from the trees, colored in various shades of brown and orange. The school grounds had been covered in leaves. If you didn’t watch your step, it was easy to slide and lose your footing, hitting the ground. Just ask Miss Grant, the science teacher. She had been peddling another petition to passing students and wasn’t paying attention to the ground. Too bad she was wearing a skirt that day – her underwear choice had been the talk of the school for a week.

You felt eyes watching you and you glanced at Sean, but he was still buried in his game, hiding the phone between the desk and his lap so the teacher wouldn’t see it when she entered. You scanned the room, eyes locking with those belonging to the one and only Nathan Prescott. He was sat at the opposite end of the class in the back row. When he realized you caught him staring, he snapped his head in the opposite direction.

You frowned, turning to the teacher as she entered the room.

As expected, class was long and boring, and you found yourself zoning in and out more than a couple of times. Sean was going back and forth between taking notes and elbowing you in the side whenever the teacher sent you a pointed look. By the time class ended, your side was sore – you were sure it would bruise by tomorrow.

“What are your plans for the weekend?” he questioned as he shoved his books into his bag.

You hummed, thoughtfully, doing the same. “I’ll probably just watch a few horror movies and sleep.”

He tsked. “So much youth, wasted.”

“And what are your brilliant plans?” you scoffed, but immediately regretted it as his eyes lit up.

“Isn’t it obvious? Dino Murder Force 2 is finally being released tomorrow and I’m going to camp out in front of the store tonight so I can get my copy, then I’m going to spend the entire weekend beating the game I’m going to be the first to write an in-depth review!”

You stared at him, blankly.

He had said all of that without pausing for air, so he huffed when he finished the run-on sentence. Saying nothing, you slung your bag over your shoulder and left the room, ignoring Sean as he called after you, “You don’t understand the brilliance that is Dino Murder Force, Y/N!”

“Stop yelling, Mr. Jamison!” The teacher scolded him.

You chuckled. He was such a weirdo, but he was your weirdo.

You stepped outside, a blast of cold air stinging your skin. Autumn, in your opinion, was the calmest, most peaceful time of year. There seemed to be less drama around this time, and that was something you appreciated. Halloween was pretty cool, too.

“Hey, Y/N, wait up!”

You paused near the gate, looking over your shoulder.

Nathan was jogging toward you, his usual cocky expression switched out for a nervous one.

“What’s up?” you asked, softly.

“Can I… walk you home?” he asked, shifting from foot to foot. He stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets.

‘It’s only a five-minute walk, it can’t hurt…’ you contemplated it for a moment before nodding. “Sure,” You walked side by side, his hand occasionally bumping against your own. It brought back a flood of memories.

The first time you had met Nathan, you were in kindergarten. Back then, he was a pretty shy kid, but he was so cute that the girls in class naturally migrated towards him. He had this polarizing aura that pulled people in. You appreciated how he tried to help others the best that he could. Deep down, though, he was already beginning to harbor feelings of self-doubt and loathing.

One day during recess, you chased a rubber ball that had been kicked to the back of the building. That’s where you found him, curled up against the building as his small body shook with silent sobs. Instinctively, you rushed over to him and brought him into your arms, running your hand through his hair as you told him it would be okay. That was the first time you had spoken to him and, from that day onward, Nathan stuck to you like glue. You were his best friend, the rock that kept him grounded.

Having him depend on you so strongly made you feel needed and happy, and you oftentimes dropped whatever you were doing to accommodate him and provide comfort when he was upset, which was slowly becoming more common as you both grew.

As your relationship deepened, his parents started to take notice of you. They didn’t think that you were good enough to be friends with Nathan, and they were sure you were just trying to get to his money. Your family had no social standing, and your single mom worked three jobs just to make ends meet. In their eyes, you were trash, but they always acted pleasant on the rare occasions you met them. You had no idea how they truly viewed you.

Nathan never told you how his parents put you down and insulted your mother, or how they pressured him to stop spending time with you, but you knew him like the back of your hand and you knew he was beginning to change. The shy, kind little boy that you had become so close to was starting to morph before your eyes, but Nathan Prescott did not morph into a beautiful butterfly, he morphed into a monster – arrogant, entitled, and full of hatred.

The time you spent together became less and less frequent until, in the second year of middle school, he completely cut you out of his life. You tried talking to him, to demand an answer, but he was always surrounded by his new friends. Every time you got close, they would make fun of you and Nathan would just stand there, acting like you didn’t exist.

You became invisible to him.

While you were friendly with the other kids in your class, Nathan had been your only friend. Now you were left alone.

Shortly after, your mom began quite ill after pushing herself to keep working. She ended up being hospitalized. It was at this time that you met Sean, who found you in a similar way that you had first met Nathan.

Sean was a loner, preferring to tinker with his games and gadgets over talking to his peers, but he knew that you didn’t have any friends and he recognized that you were very distressed. Rather than bring you into his arms like you had to Nathan all those years ago, his way of comforting you consisted of forcing a handheld game into your lap and making you play with him. It wasn’t conventional, but it helped.

Your mom passed away a month after you started at Blackwell.

Nathan came to the funeral, returning to the empty apartment with you. He held you, allowing you to cry your heart out until you finally fell asleep, clutching his shirt in your fist. When you woke up the next morning, he was gone. There was a thick envelope left on the table – ‘sorry’ was the only thing written on it. Inside was a key to an apartment on the other side of town and fifteen grand in cash.

You remember thinking how typical it was that he thought cash could solve everything.

You didn’t want to accept the money, but he gave you no chance to return it. The apartment had been paid for in advance for the next four years, but you still had bills to pay and needed to buy food, not to mention the tuition for Blackwell. No job given to a high school student would be enough to pay for everything, so you did end up using some of the money, but you used it sparingly, only taking out enough for the bare necessities. In the meantime, you had gotten a part-time job at Two Whales diner.

A couple weeks later and you found another envelope in your mail. It read: ‘Quit your job. I’ll send you a monthly payment – N.’ Enclosed was fifteen hundred dollars.

You didn’t like this at all, but Nathan did what he wanted, and what he wanted he got. He had you fired from your job, knowing you wouldn’t quit on your own. You considered confronting him about everything, but that would require stepping out into the spotlight and you didn’t need that kind of drama in your life.

Even after all that, he still treated you like you didn’t exist, despite the monthly payment that was put in your mailbox every month.

So why the sudden change? Why was he suddenly approaching you after all this time?

Nathan frowned at your thoughtful expression. He knew he had royally screwed up the best thing he ever had but was it too late for him to fix things? “Hey, we’re here.”

You snapped out of your thoughts, smiling sheepishly. “Oh, right. Thanks…” you paused at the gate, hesitating. “Do you… want to come in?”

He nodded, not wanting to leave you just yet. Nathan followed you to the third floor, his mind running wild – he couldn’t remember a time that he felt so nervous.

You unlocked the door and stepped aside to let him enter. “Want something to drink?”

“Water,” he added as an afterthought. “Please.”

You stepped into the small kitchen attached to the living area, pouring out a glass of ice water for him and ice tea for yourself. He sat on the couch as you set the drinks on the coffee table, absentmindedly playing with the black rope around his right wrist.

Your eyes widened when you saw it and you reached out, holding his wrist so you could see it better. “You kept this?” It was a simple piece of rope with a yin-yang symbol tied through the front of it. You made it for him in fifth grade as a birthday present.

He quickly pulled his wrist away, his cheeks tinting as he tugged the sleeve of his jacket down. “It was a gift from you, of course I kept it.”

Those words went straight to your heart, making it increase in speed as it grew warm. You looked up at his face, taking in his appearance for the first time in a long time. His brown hair was slicked back but messy, as if he had run his hands through it nervously. His blue eyes, once bright and full of life, were dull and he had deep bags under them from a mixture of stress and lack of sleep. Overall, he looked exhausted and aged.

Seeing him in such a state made you frown.

“Stop staring at me,” he muttered, starting to feel self-conscious. People around him were constantly complimenting him, saying how gorgeous he is and how handsome, but he wasn’t very good at reading people, so he couldn’t tell if they were being genuine. Whenever you used to compliment him, it always felt genuine and made him feel happy, but when everyone else did it, it felt empty.

“Have you been sleeping, Nathan?” It was the first time you had said his name in so long, it made his breath catch in his throat. His body started to shake despite himself. “Nathan, what’s wro – ” you squeaked in surprise when he threw himself at you, sending you both to the ground. His arms were tight around your body as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. You gently rubbed his back, free hand running through his soft hair. It had been so long since you last held him, but your body remembered the position perfectly.

“I’ve missed you… so goddamn much…” he sobbed, clutching you tighter. “I didn’t want to, to push you away… I had to do it! I couldn’t… I couldn’t let you sink with me…”

“Oh, Nathan,” you chided, softly. “You’ve always been such an idiot. You’re my best friend, I would have happily sank with you. And you know what? I would have dragged you back to the surface.”

“You’re too good… for me…” he cried.

You hummed, thoughtfully. “I don’t think so.”

It took a while for him to calm down and stop shaking, but you didn’t mind. Even after everything that had happened, he was still the most important person in your life. You would always be there to catch him when he fell.

“Can I… spend the night with you?” he asked, softly. He sounded like a child, lost and scared. The shy boy flashed in your mind.

“Of course you can,” you smiled, gently pushing him back. He pulled away from you, sliding back until he was leaning against the couch. His eyes were red and swollen, but they held more life than they had earlier. You pulled yourself to your feet, feeling pinpricks in your back and butt, unhappy about being squished against the wooden floor for so long. You glanced at the clock – it was eleven-ten. “Hey, Nathan?”

He glanced up at you.

“There’s a Halloween marathon starting in twenty minutes. Wanna watch it with me?”

Nathan smiled, remembering all the times you had binge-watched movies as kids. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

You returned the smile before heading into the kitchen to make some popcorn. When you returned, Nathan had curled up on the couch with a blanket he had taken from your bedroom. He held one side of the blanket up and you squeezed in beside him, holding the bowl up as he flung it over your body. You turned the TV on and he moved closer, finding comfort in your warmth.

The first movie began, a cheap knock off of A Nightmare on Elm Street. He reached for your hand but hesitated. You smiled, slipping your hand into his and interlocking your fingers with his.

After two movies, Nathan’s eyes started to droop. He fought against the sleep invading his mind, not wanting this moment to end, but his body and mind were exhausted. His head fell onto your shoulder, breath evening out. You smiled, turning down the TV so the screams wouldn’t disturb his rest.

You didn’t know what tomorrow would bring – if he would go back to ignoring you or if you could be friends again, but that didn’t matter to you at the moment. You had your best friend at your side and that’s all that mattered to you.

You brought his hand to your chest, holding it with both hands. ‘No matter what happens, I will always be here for you, Nathan Prescott,’ You pressed a kiss to his palm and he smiled in his sleep. For the first time since he was a child, he slept peacefully through the night.

───── ⋆⋅🎃⋅⋆ ─────

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

Hidden Skeletons Part 4

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Klaus Mikaelson x Reader

Word Count: 2.2K

Warnings: nope. 

Author’s Note: Hello next part! I apologize for how long it has taken this one to get done. But here it is! I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. While it is a bit of a filler, I promise it is necessary for the next few chapters. There are still two major points that need to be made to make this request complete. One of them will happen in the next one, I promise. ♥

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. ♥ 

It had been late in the night. The rest of the Mikaelsons had gone off to bed, leaving Klaus and Y/N the only ones up. While Klaus had a glass of bourbon in his hand, Y/N held onto her cup of coffee. 

Since the others had headed to bed, Klaus had been getting to know the witch that helped saved his daughter. While he would never admit it out loud, Klaus had been growing used to having her around. He knew that once it was time to take her back, he'd miss her. 

"I bet your siblings are nowhere near how mine can be." Klaus said with a shake of his head. 

Y/N smiled. "Probably not. They are all on their own level of irritating abilities." That had caused them both to chuckle. "My oldest brother doesn't care much for the coven. He doesn't have the ability to practice magic, so he spends a lot of time away on business. As for my other siblings," she shook her head slightly. "They are upset that I was chosen to take my mother's place."

"How is it that one is chosen to lead the great Y/L/N Coven?" He asked curiously.

"A series of tests and trials." She shrugged. "My siblings failed because of their deeper interest for darker magic. There is a test to see if your future intentions for the coven are pure, they failed. I was five when they tested me. Lo and behold, you've got your next leader."

Klaus shook his head. "And you've been groomed ever since." It wasn't a question, but Y/N nodded. 

"Honestly, I never thought I would be chosen." She looked down at her coffee cup for a moment. "If you go based on traditions, I never should have been in the running in the first place."

Klaus raised an eyebrow as he watched her. "How so?" He asked as he leaned forward in his seat. 

Looking up at him, Y/N debated on actually opening up to Klaus. A secret such as this wasn't meant to be shared with any of the members of the coven. So it was safe to tell him, right? At least that was what she had been thinking. 

"You and I are a lot alike." As the words registered in Klaus, Y/N could see the confusion grow in him. "The man who raised me isn't my biological father." She said a moment later. 

Understanding filled Klaus. "I assume you weren't raised the same way I was, though."

"No." She said, shaking her head. "He has always been kind to his kids. Unfortunately, he still believes that I am his. Tradition calls for a child born from two different bloodlines within the coven. My father isn't from the coven nor is he from any witch bloodline. That will make me the first coven leader out of tradition."

"Your coven seems to be alright with you being, well you." He said with a small smile. Her laugh that came caused his smile to fade. 

"Even they don't know. My mother has kept it a secret from everyone. I only know because I found out when I was thirteen. 'Some secrets are better kept. Otherwise chaos would ensue. For a coven of our size, chaos would destroy us.' My mother used to say those words to me every day that I wanted to scream the truth to my dad, to anyone." She shook her head once more. "Covens only care about the power they are able to keep. I'm hoping that when I take over I can change that."

"You already are." Klaus noted as he reached over and placed his hand on top of her knee. "For a coven that stays out of vampire business, you came willingly to help a child in need. I'd say that’s one hell of a statement before you even take over."

While Y/N should have been worried about the information she was telling him, part of her trusted him. She trusted him because they were more alike than she led on. She trusted that since she helped him save his daughter, that he wouldn't go running back to her coven to spread the details she told him. 

She smiled at his words though. "I have a lot of plans for when I take over. I just know its going to take a lot to get them on board with it."

"What plans do you have?" Klaus enjoyed the way her eyes suddenly lit up at the thought of the change she could bring to her coven. It made him smile at the sight. 

"For one, our coven should no longer turn away witches that are wrapped up in vampire business." Y/N noted with a smile. "Not every vampire they encounter is as bad as they seem. Even for you Klaus."

"I'll have you know that I keep to the very rumors that have surfaced." He said with a devilish smirk. He watched as Y/N laughed and the sound itself had warmed him in a way he hadn't been used to. 

"I've seen how you are, Klaus." She said as she placed her coffee cup on the table in front of them. "While you are a force to be reckoned with, there is a side to you that you barely let anyone else see. From where I'm sitting, I think I may be one of the few to see that side."

"That you are." He noted. 

______

"You have everything?" Freya asked as they stood at the airport. 

Klaus rolled his eyes. "We aren't leaving for an extended time, Freya."

Hope smiled at that. "Unless things change." She shrugged. 

Freya laughed catching what Hope had been implying. For the last two weeks Y/N and Klaus had been spending a lot more time together. It seemed that everyone but the two in question could see it. While both of them had denied anything, Freya and Hope could clearly see the two bonding. 

Klaus rolled his eyes. "We'll be back later this week once Y/N's ceremony is done. Anything before, or after, means something went wrong."

"Of course." Freya said with a small smile.  She looked over at Hope. "Make sure he stays out of trouble. We gained an ally with the Y/L/N Coven. Make sure he doesn't mess that up."

Klaus crossed his arms over his chest as he watched his daughter nod and make a promise to his sister. Klaus knew that things always had a tendency to take a turn, but it wasn't always his fault on it. 

"Alright." Y/N said walked up to them holding the tickets. "Apparently mentioning your name gave us first class tickets...again." A small frown formed on her face as she looked at the tickets. "I'm assuming compulsion."

Hope and Freya shook their heads as Klaus smirked. "That is how anyone should travel. Coach is dreadful and I refuse to sit that close to a stranger."

Y/N laughed as she shook her head at the statement. She shouldn't have expected anything less from the Hybrid. "Right."

Freya came up to Y/N and pulled her into a hug. Y/N was no longer surprised by the hugs she had been pulled into with the family. "Please make sure they are safe out there."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Y/N promised. "I'm sure you'll hear all about it from Hope once she gets back."

They pulled away from each other and smiled. "Oh I don't doubt it. I'm expecting several texts and magical visits by the time they come back."

Y/N chuckled. "I promise it will be smooth sailing once we past the main obstacle."

That had caused all three of them to raise an eyebrow. "What obstacle?" Klaus asked.

"My mother."

"Almost a month, Y/N." Her mother's voice boomed the moment they were alone. Klaus and Hope were currently standing outside of the sage protected house, waiting for this particular conversation to be over.  "You've been gone for almost a month and you bring them with you. What the hell were you thinking?"

Y/N hadn't expected to be gone that long. She had expected to be there for however long it took for her to do the spell and then come back. But with each passing day, the Mikaelsons found some other reason for her to stay. One of those reasons being to help Hope control her magic. Something Y/N was all to willing to help out with. 

"I saved someone." She said as she crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not some child you can keep locked away here."

Her mother scoffed and took a step towards Y/N. "I am your mother. I asked you not to go with a vampire and the one thing you did was cloak yourself and ran off with him. You got roped into their business after all the years that I had instilled in you to not do their bidding."

"A child was at risk of dying and you wanted me to sit back and do nothing." Y/N shook her head. "Tell me mom, if it had been reversed and I was the one that needed help and you had to go to them, you'd want them to help right?"

"It's different and you know it." She narrowed her eyes at her daughter. “We would have been able to care for you no matter the circumstances. You aren’t just some witch that can go and do as she pleases.”

“All I really am is the means of survival to this coven. If it wasn’t for me you would have someone from our bloodline to take over.” Y/N shook her head refusing to lose this argument. She was going to stand by the decision she had made. She had practically been under lock and key her whole life. It didn’t hurt to extend her stay out in New Orleans. “When I do take over, things are going to change a lot more than you would expect them to.”

“They will turn against you.” Her mother noted. “Change isn’t common here. Traditions have been passed down and it is one of the reasons our coven had thrived as it has.”

Y/N scoffed. “Imagine what they would do when they find out I’m not pure blood and you’ve hid that from them. Face it mom, while I have been the best choice to take over this week, I’m the change this coven is going to need to accept. Same as you. The Mikaelsons are here to see the Hollow destroyed. If you don’t do it, don’t complain when I do it later.”

Her mother sighed as she brought a hand up to rub her temples. “Will they leave once I do?” 

Y/N shrugged. “Possibly. Hope is wanting to stay to watch my ceremony.”

“You told them about it?” Her eyebrow raised, not wanting the vampires to stay any longer than necessary.

“Come on, mom.” Y/N sighed. “This is an opportunity to spread the knowledge we’ve kept to ourselves. Doing so with a two person coven isn’t going to hurt.”

Y/N watched as her mother shook her head and turned to look out the window. Y/N joined her as she watched Hope speak with a few other members of the coven. “You do know the stories told about her right?”

“You mean the ones where she is supposed to bring destruction to the world?” Y/N asked as she kept her eyes on Hope. “Yeah those prophecies are considered voided once the Hollow was released from her. The only threat they pose is if we stand against them. I’ve built a bridge between us and them since I’ve been gone.” She looked towards her mother. “Don’t ruin that by turning them away when all they ask is for a safe place for Hope to learn new things that even her Aunt hasn’t seen yet.”

“Fine.” Her mother huffed. “Just until after the ceremony is performed and then they must leave.”

Y/N smiled as she walked out of the house. Her hands had been clasped behind her back. The moment she walked out, Hope’s eyes widened at the smile Y/N had been sporting.

“She’s okay with it?” Hope asked with a smile.

“For the most part.” Y/N gave a slight shrug. “You’ll be able to stay for her to do as needed with the chest and you are more than welcome to stay for the ceremony. But after that-”

“Don’t overstay our welcome.” Klaus finished with a small smirk on his face. 

Y/N rolled her eyes, her smile growing. “Technically you wouldn’t be overstaying with the new leader.”

That caused them all to laugh. While Y/N’s mother had put her foot down, things were about to change the moment Y/N became a leader. Klaus wrapped his arm over Y/N’s shoulder as they began walking towards the guest house. 

From the window, her mother watched as all three of them walked to the guest house. Hope had been facing Klaus and Y/N as she walked backwards. She had been talking about something and as her hands moved to gesture something, she watched Y/N and Klaus throw their heads back in laughter. 

The sight itself had an unsettling feeling in her stomach. The daughter she had raised to take over seemed to getting close to the hybrid. If her mother intuition was good for anything, she knew this was going to end badly.

Just as her thoughts played her phone vibrated with a new message. 

I take it she made it home safely?

Typing quickly she sent the reply.

Yes, but what you’ve told me is true. 

What do you want to do about it?

She sighed and thought for a moment before letting her thumbs move across the screen.

I’ll take care of it. 

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[philomathhh9]

A Stroll Down Memory Lane

Philomath, I just took a stroll down memory lane. A very cliché thing to say, I know. It was a long stroll though; the sun set and dawned upon my path countless of times and I kept walking. Swept away in a journey of nostalgia and emotions of comfort, I soon was struck by a wave of anger and resentment.

  All began when I chose to check my phone as I dressed to leave home to study for a big upcoming exam. A friend and colleague of mine had messaged me his location in Riyadh; his family recently moved there. We went back and forth and chatted about how our homes where a mere ten minute walk apart and that we could meet up once we visited our families in winter. It then hit me. “Home” was no longer that small cozy place in Saudi Arabia; the little apartment that I spent seventeen years of my life in. The place I had just called Home in front of my friend was nothing but a figment of my past - a dream I dreamt for just a little over a decade and a half. Home in the present is this place in Amman in which I currently take residence in with my sister, my lovely cat Leta, and my sweet departed cat-angel Valenta, who has been buried in our garden since May when illness rode her fate.

  I am content with the present day. I really am. However, calling my parents’ place in Saudi Home swung me back to the moments, days, months, and years of my being that I spent in innocence. I ran the Maps application and I checked every part of what used to be my life. I saw the school I spent the whole of my childhood in. I saw the park and the malls I used to go to on weekends with my mother. I saw the restaurant that my father enjoyed dining in on Fridays and I even saw the school I spent my high school years in. I then paused. Memories of my high school senior year washed up from an ocean I thought I had left behind. I spent it the way I spent the entirety of my days till then: dreaming, reading, and exploring the wonders of what life is. Curious is what I was. Not the kind of curious that is forced and involves taking a risk and leave familiar surroundings because they feel threatening and unsafe, but the type of curious that sticks to you in innocence while thriving in your provided environment- you just wonder if the outside is just as splendid.

  I wanted to become a lawyer at some point in high school and that brought me to read my personal statement that I had sent to universities in the UK for an undergraduate law degree. In front of me was a live example of what I used to be: a dreamer. Today, I believe that ignorance and innocence are synonymous from a certain perspective, despite being two very different words. The saying “Ignorance is bliss” is popular because of that very reason. Not knowing and staying in my naivete brought me happiness. Soon, the clock started to tick and the time came where being curious was not a thought to think of, but a thought to I had to execute. I had to figure out what was to become of me. My dreams of becoming a lawyer leaped away as the reality of its demanding financing settled. This marks strike one against young Philomath.

  Now, I am in the path of becoming a doctor; something I had chosen and kept as a back up plan in case the launch of my time with law failed. I know I did not choose it for the prestige of it. The human body and the world within infatuated me just as much. To reiterate, I am content with who I am and what I am doing today. It just so happened that the start of my new life as a meds student yanked my innocence away from me as I cried for and held on to it for dear life. My parents’ conditioning brought me to block away all my triggers and flaws by daydreaming and spending my time with thoughts of idealism. Now that my little daydreaming session of seventeen years had been brought to a screeching halt, I was shocked with what I found down here. As I recalled this and what followed today, I felt nothing but a strange mix of anger, resentment, disembodiment, and disbelief of what I had been and put others through. My surroundings in my first year of medicine were not only less than ideal, but straight up parasitic and gnawed at my little body day by day. The gnawing manifested physically; I lost a good fifth to fourth of my weight as depression and maladjustment took over me. Now that my bubble of idealism was popped, I was subjected to the thorns I harbored all along and had no idea what to do with them other than project them on others, both good and horrible people alike. That marked strike two for young philomath.

  Personal boundaries were alien things to me. Unfortunately, that me twinkle in the eyes of whom I know now to be a narcissistic sociopath. During the timeline in which him and I met, I was already dealing with confusion, maladjustment, and a dear friend that faced demons only I knew of. Today her and I do not really keep in touch anymore despite being mostly amicable. As far as I know, she is thriving and walking up her own path and struggle day by day and I am happy for her. Though, resentment still plagues the back of my head as she fell victim to projection of my own flaws and I sadly fell into hers. It was a lot of up, downs, lefts, and rights with her and at that time we brought horrible things out in each other. Apart from my doings, she had a phobia of abandonment and would do anything and everything to reassure herself and of course, due to my lack of boundaries, I enabled her. She was and is not a person of bad morale, but the anything and everything included a lot of jabs and stabs that mark where some scars in my soul still are today. That was strike three for you, young philomath.

  Back to the twinkly yet empty eyes of the narcissist that ended up becoming my wicked boyfriend. Like a vulture, he spent his first few weeks and months with me circling me and analyzing just how vulnerable I was and how much I had on my plate. Again, I had no boundaries; that meant that whatever he wanted, he would draw out of me. And inspite of that, nothing was ever enough for him. Everyone dear in my life at that time, I gone to the extremes for. That is: everyone but my own self. So I kept enabling him to use me, control me, and display me as an accessory. Did I project my flaws on him too? Yes. The truth is I never was, am, and will never be perfect. The difference though, was that I eventually recognized where I fell wrong with my people and took it upon myself to halt it and improve myself. Him on the other hand, emotionally abused the soul out of me until it no longer yearned to be in my body and to this very day, he victimizes himself as the ex of a horrible liar slut that harassed him for affection and ended up cheating on him. Again, horrible move on my part for both parties involved, but I will never ever dismiss the things he would do to me. He would use my insecurities as leverage and hold my emotional needs hostage until I popped and fell into an irrational reactive state. And of course, he contorted it all to make me out as the guilty. The crazy bitch. Yes of course, the crazy bitch that gave him everything she could give to him. The same crazy bitch that he gaslit, put down, and rejected when she needed him the most. What people do not know today is that when I horribly sought other than his affection as I fell into another reactive state due to constant episodic emotional rejection, I already was contemplating leaving him. The cycles of abuse became unbearable, and although I do not excuse myself for it, they finally pushed me to do something that was awfully wrong on my ex’s and the involved person’s behalf. And I cheated. The cherry on top of the icing? I do not recall the timeline it happened and suppressed it due to personal trauma. I lived my life knowing and believing that everything that happened between me and said person was at a time where him and I were not an item. Until it was brought to light by the third party that I did what I did around two weeks before I left him, the time I knew as the moments I was building myself up the courage to leave him. And that was strike four.

  Strike four marked the most ultimate of an ultimatum for me; it was either saving myself or continue down the path of self obliteration. Those two weeks before I left him were a turning point; for once I felt like I had to choose myself and my sanity before anyone else’s. I took back control of my life by ending it with him. Although initially it was amicable as we shared a group of friends, I ended up backing away more and more until I cut him off completely because he kept trying to get his sticky fingers on me and snatch me back onto his rollercoaster. Things with my friend were still going though, and with all that I already had endured she again did anything and everything to feel like I was not going to abandon her. I felt and feel for her, I really do. Just like emotional rejection and abuse pushed me to do a big mistake, her fears pushed her too. But reasons and context do not mean excuses. If I held myself accountable for everything I projected on her and him and everyone else in my life at that time, it would mean I had to hold her accountable too. And so, the journey of learning how to set boundaries and bettering myself began. She rejected it the whole time. To her, boundaries meant abandonment, and the more I set them, the more she’d do anything and everything to reassure herself I would not desert her. Until she did one last move, after which I could not bring myself to tolerate anything. At a weak point of hers, she spoke with my same ex that I had cut off to console her about my issues with me. She knew what kind of a person he is. In her vulnerable moments, he saw an opportunity to “avenge” the narcissistic injury I caused him by taking back my own control and pulled and withdrew information from her that he ended up using against me. With one big mistake, he contorted, molded, and spiced things until they tasted just right. To him, this was his big moment that he was waiting for: to end the bitch that dared dump him before he finished dumping her. One year after breaking up with him and not speaking with him at all, he used my friend’s poor judgement and vulnerability to attempt sabotaging me and my reputation. He circled me with other people and bullied me for my pronounced sexuality and supposed “manipulation and lies” and tried to convince other people to jump on an anti-me bandwagon. He even went as far as claiming that his reputation, which he ruined with his own hands, was in fact tarnished by me and the said fact that I was “psychotic” and never shut up about him and talked horrible of him to everyone I knew. All I did was confide in my so-called friends about the abuse I endured; ironically, no one turned against him the way he claimed and everyone that actually had a problem with him had nothing to do with the people I confided in. In this circle of nonsense that brought me severe trauma, barely anyone took him seriously. Reasonably so, picture viewing a couple split and move along with their own lives until one decides to dish and chase the other with some old dirt between them to convince people that the other was ruining their precious reputation. No sensible person would interfere with someone else’s problems with another. I ended up standing up for myself and further asserted my boundaries away from him by refuting responsibility for his broken reputation and stated that in fact it was his problem. I also mentioned that the circus of a show was unnecessary and that if he approached me like normal people do I would have been reacting very differently and took responsibility for my “dirt”. I ended things between him and I by pointing out the fact that it was pathetic to harass someone a year after they broke up him and it did nothing but prove his goal of claiming me as the “obsessed liar” the actual opposite. In the end, I was not the one to harass the other long after no contact with an old screw up.

  I then retained my most powerful tool: boundaries. Although I understood why my friend spoke with him, I could not help but hold her accountable that her irresponsibility with that move caused him to set off on a rampage. So I kept withdrawing from her and she could not bear it. Until one day she comes and “warns” me to “be careful of what I tell my friends because they are not the people I think they are”. The very friend that I had trusted with my life and a lot of information and mistakes on my behalf. The same friend that allowed him to grab those out of her in her vulnerable moments. I am more than sorry for everything I caused her, but this is something I would never forget. I remember trembling with anger and blocking her so that I would not blow up on her and cause her trouble and cost her a spiral. I got so angry that I became sick the next day. And ever since then, I had enough of my relationship with her. It was clear to me that we had both done too much to each other to recover from as normal friends. It had to end. After a few months of occasional angry SMS’s from her, I made it clear why I left and what I felt and that she would have to stop sending me message. She ended up acknowledging my hurt and apologized for everything she had done on her part. Everything. I remember crying with exasperation as I read her message admitting to everything; as for a good while of my life, I felt like I was the only one paying for my mistakes and trying to remedy them. The fact that someone else finally took responsibility for the damage done to me was something new and something alien. All that because I learned to set boundaries.

  I brought myself out of my stroll down memory lane. Now, I am filled with nothing but pride that I not only overcame my own demons and learned the concept of boundaries, pride that I chose to use my mistakes as a learning point and not a point of shame. I now have more power and independence than ever; although, I still have a lot to work on. My ordeal has caused me to be very reluctant with expecting anyone to assist me with any hardship and become guarded. On a note, I do not expect my ex’s last appearance to be final; that is unless he becomes knowledgeable enough to realize one more move towards me would show everyone watching his true color and that his most prized possession, his ego, would be in danger. I do hope he left things as they are and just gave up; as I am not a hostile person that enjoys attacking- even in self defense. But it became clear that staying out of his path does not stop him from staying out of mine. I feel always ready and on edge to play his exact game and use leverage against him so that he would never come near me again.

  As I now conclude writing to go study, I feel nothing but content with who I surround myself now and the person I have become. Thank you, Philomath again for living up to your name and allowing your love for learning get me out of a path of self destruction.

[thoughtfullyyoungduck]

Married at first sight part three

summary: Eddie and Richie’s first dinnerparty, meeting the other couples

A/N:  this is a part three, I hope you enjoy it. Again this was based on mafs Australia, so I don’t know if this is how it goes in all the variants of the show. Please let me know what you think!

@impalagurl67​

The night of the first dinner party , it’s surprisingly Richie that’s more stressed. Eddie had expected him to be the voice of reasons, as he usually was, but no, It’s Eddie’s turn to keep his head cool. 

This time though, Richie was working himself up badly, even having resorted to asking Eddie more than a few times if his outfits were alright.

Eddie was nervous too, but he was trying to hide it, so it wouldn’t become a cycle and cause Richie to obsess even more.

when he reentered the living room for a fifth time, wearing yet again something else then before, Eddie rolled his eyes in annoyance. ‘You look great Richie, don’t fret so much.’

Richie looked up at Eddie in surprise, as if he was expecting Eddie to lie and say that he looked hideous. Eddie knew that Richie wasn’t too comfortable with the way he looked, even though he had no idea how he was unable to see himself the way Eddie saw him.

Still, little things like this reminded Eddie that no matter how irrational, Richie felt that way, and Eddie would spend every day he could to help change his mind.

‘I don’t lie to you now do I? You told me yourself. I’m like a prissy old woman who will complain to your manager regardless of any excuses, I will not hold back’, Eddie tries his best to imitate Richie’s voice, but he fails flat. Impressions are mostly Richie’s thing, not his.

After a few weeks of living together however, they started to rub off on each other. Eddie was less aware of the camera pointed at his face at all times and was more prone to step out of his comfort zone. Excpet the parts where he had to look straight into the camera and give his commentary about an event that happened, that was not his thing at all. While Richie in turn had developed a habit of cleaning up after himself, purely because he knew it annoyed Eddie.

Sometimes it felt like Eddie’s heart would burst out of his chest with emotion. The, dare he use the word, love that consumed him from top to bottom when he thought of  his husband, was something he had never felt before. He hadn’t even been aware that such a feeling could exist.

If you had asked Eddie a year before the whole experiment and meeting Richie how he would respond to such an intents emotion, he would have responded with panic.

Something changed though, and the fact that he was in love with a man didn’t make him feel like he would throw up anymore. and it was not just any man, it was Richie, and Eddie was starting to get the idea that by only hearing his name, whatever negative emotion still lingered, ebbed away like the sea did at night.

His only request was that he find a way to explain that all to Richie himself. Eddie is not good with words, he knows that and thanks to his friends and Richie it’s something he’s working on, yet it’s still so difficult to open his mount and vocalize the feelings their close proximity was providing, even after having spend a long time period cooped up in a small hotel room.

That and the fact that Eddie was still unsure about their relationship. He was desperate not to get his heart broken, even with the brave face he was putting on, and the endless stream of insults Richie laughed away every single time, he was a sensitive man by heart.

They had a lot of things in common, that was for sure, from the way the both of them were stubborn as hell, to the place they grew up, but there were also a lot of differences, Eddie couldn’t help but take notice off. Richie was loud and unbothered by the amount of space he took up. In fact, he seemed to thrive under the attention from others, whilst Eddie tended to shy away from the focus of others. It made sense that Richie liked that sort of thing, seeing as he was famous for capturing people’s attention during shows, but Eddie didn’t think it would be that present in their everyday lives.

Eddie wasn’t stupid, he understands Richie more than Richie himself might peg him for, and he remembers what he said on their first night together, about how he was scared that people would forget about him. And Eddie understands that, a little, for he was also really scared that he would be left with nobody if he didn’t stick around by his mother, they just handle their fears differently.

The outgoing personality of Richie, versus the wanting-to-be-invisible in public personality from Eddie caused enough reasonable doubt in Eddie that they might not match with one another.

Eddie wondered if any of the other couples had the same problems. Although it was mostly Richie who was fearing the dinner party, Eddie wasn’t completely reassured either. He knew that he would compare himself to the others, as soon as he laid eyes on them. It had always been that way for him, even since he was a child. His diseases his mother claimed he had, already resulted in him being different from everyone else, and so he did whatever he could to make sure he mirrored his peers for everything else.

But This was a different situation, one where there were no standard responses, no right way of doing things, no guides to gently angle them in the right direction. So far, Eddie and Richie had been in their own bubble, in which they did everything in their own pace, but Eddie was certain that as soon as he saw the others, he would try to mold his relationship to appear like theirs.

At least, that was how he would normally act. The determination clogging every vein is his body was trying very hard to keep stealthy, to not follow his mother for the so manieth time.

He didn’t tell Richie any of his worries, as he was always venting about how hard it was for him to be on the show, and he refused to give Richie any doubts about them. Even when Richie had never been anything but kind and patient with him.

‘Yeah yeah you’re right Spaghetti. If you think I’m hot, then I’m sure your mom will feel the same, and if she feels the same, then I feel the same too.’

The glare Eddie shot Richie did nothing to stop the thunderous laugh that Richie let free, but Eddie cared less about that than he would ever admit. When Richie laughed, the dark clouds that clouded Eddie’s vision would evaporate for a few moments, making it the highlights of his day.

Not that there were many downs in the first place.

‘Come om Rich, if we don’t leave now, we might be late. I cannot, I repeat cannot be late on the first day of meeting these people. If we were to leave now, we would definitely not be the first, which is great because I am not prepared to having to sit there and wait and pretend to be comfortable and like the both of us haven’t been worrying about this for days, even though this fucking dress shirt is cutting of my air supply and that’s going to be really tricky.’ Eddie sucked in a huge breath of air, another Kaspbrak rant coming to end.

‘But if we’re the last, then everyone will already have met each other and stare at us like we’re fucking clowns in a circus when we go in.’ After a pause where there is no response, Eddie hastily adds, ‘so I’d like to leave now please.’

Okay so maybe it’s not just Richie that’s a little bit stressed.

His eyes flung up to meet Richie’s, the position making Richie appear bigger and larger than he already was compared to him when standing up. Richie was sporting a smile on his face, a real one, not the fake obnoxiously large one he used when a fan came up to him to try out a joke and it fell flat, and he wasn’t heartless enough to not laugh. The real smiles caused Eddie’s heart to stop for a moment, a beat where every atom in his body was purely focused on Richie, before realizing, oh hey we can look at this gorgeous man whenever we want, let’s get back keeping Eddie alive so he can.

‘I’m so glad they matched me with you’, is what Richie said after a few moments. Eddie can’t help but throwing a smile shyly his way, accepting the hand extended to him to slot their hand together.

‘Sap’ Eddie murmured under his breath, but inconspicuously inching closer to Richie’s side as they left their apartment, and entered the car.

As always, Richie opened the car door, letting Eddie slide in first. When he walked across the car, getting in on the other side, Eddie allowed himself a moment to check Richie out. He ended up wearing a yellow Hawaiian shirt with jeans, which wasn’t anything fancy but it was Richie, and that was more than enough.

Looking down the inspect his own clothing, Eddie figured he was a bit overdressed. He had decided on wearing a cardigan that was just on the side of too tight, with cufflinks, he also wore a dress pants, in a warm beige.

Now he was starting to feel self-conscious. However, Richie told him that he looked good, and Eddie convinced himself that that was all that mattered.

The car ride itself didn’t last very long, which Eddie lucked out in, for car rides seamed to increase his anxiety levels. Luckily Richie held his hand the entire way there, not even thinking of letting go. No words were able to describe how much Eddie loved him for it.

‘Do you think there will be other gay couples?’ Eddie asks after he sees Richie squirm in his seat for the third time in ten minutes. It’s not a thought he had spend much time thinking about, but it was an important one. He did not want to deal with a homophobe at all.

Patients wasn’t something Eddie accumulated with Richie at first, everything about Richie screamed inpatient, but when it came to dealing with Eddie, Richie never pressured him into anything. Which meant that they had only started holding hands only a two days prior, and the both of them were still searching how and when hand holding was appreciated and when not.

Richie shrugged. ‘I don’t know, but if there aren’t, I’ll turn all those hetero’s gay when they look at me.’

Eddie laughed, despite his best efforts not too. ‘Besides, even if they suck, they can’t be worse than the bullies from my hometown.’

A scowl formed on Eddie’s forehead, thinking back to the story’s Richie had trusted upon him about his childhood. Part of him hoped that those assholes were dead in a ditch somewhere.

‘I wouldn’t let them do anything to you Rich.’ Eddie promised with his whole heart, however wanted to hurt Richie now, was going to have to go through him.

He completely missed the look of pure adoration Richie shot him, too busy thinking of ways to respond should anyone feel the need to comment on the fact that they were gay.  

Eddie, as usual, was right. They were not the first, but thankfully, they were not the last either. Two couples were seated side by side and a large sofa in the middle of the room, all of them sporting a drink in their hands.

The table were the drinks were presented on, was placed in the right corner behind the couch, and Richie had already decided what drink he would be ingesting later, before he even took a good look at the contestants.

Eddie shouldn’t have worried, since there were three men, and only one woman, meaning that there were at least two other gay lovers. He walked towards the woman first, as she had already stood up, her arms opened in a loving gesture, and enveloped him as soon as he was within reach. It was then that Eddie noticed that he still had Richie’s hand clasped in his, and disappointment made it’s presence when Eddie was forced to let go in order to hug her.

‘I’m Beverly, but you can me Bev.’

Her voice sounded like honey felt; warm and mushy, and Eddie liked her before he even got a change to truly get to know her. A flash of excitement washed over him. He had been so worried, but he hadn’t considered the possibility that it could be fun to meet people who maybe had the same problems as him.

He moved over to what he assumed was her husband, a strong ridiculously good looking man, wo also gave him a hug, and told him his name was Ben. If Richie didn’t have the entirety of Eddie’s heart, and Ben would be gay, damn straight Eddie would go for him.

When Eddie turned to greet the other two man, he overheard the conversation between Richie and Beverly.

‘Aren’t you that famous comedian, Trasmount Tozier?’

‘Why yes I am my fair lady, hey Eds you hear that, somebody recognizes me.’

Eddie ignored him, though the urge to roll his eyes was very persistent. The other man gniffled, introducing himself as William, Bill Denbrough. Then the man lovingly gestured at his partner while stepping back into his side as soon as he could, letting the other man introduce himself as Mike Hanlon.

They seemed right for each other, their general aura and vibe shining through in just the way they wordlessly followed the others lead. When they glanced at one another, they both inconspicuously tried to pretend that they were not looking, and it was awful for Eddie to feel relieved by that, but he did. It showed that it wasn’t just him and Richie that were a bit timid.

Ben and Beverly seemed like the sweetest pair of people anyone could ever meet. Especially Ben. He was good looking sure, but his biggest attribute was the kindness he showed, to Beverly but also to everyone else. He seemed like the type of person who could never hate anyone, despite what they may have done to him. Bev appeared to be sweet as well, but Eddie could tell that she was also fiery, and that you shouldn’t try to double cross her, or you might end up in trouble. He suspected that he would get along with her great.

They offered them a drink, a glass of champagne which they insisted that they drank, and because Eddie didn’t want to seem stuck up, he took it and sipped little bits of it. Richie and him sat together on a different sofa, as close as humanly possible. They had just plopped down when the door opened again, and another man and woman made an appearance.

They both looked as cool and collected as any person could be, in particular the man, but they seemed kindhearted too.

They came up to Richie first, Eddie cringed when Richie pulled the man close into an embrace, he was however pleasantly surprised when man caustically returned the hug. ‘My name is Stanley’, he said while moving over to Eddie.

A chorus of ‘hey Stanley’ was heard throughout the room, followed by a ‘hi Patty’, when the woman introduced herself. They too were given a glass of champagne, right after they chose the seat next to Eddie and Richie.

To everyone’s surprise, Richie and Stan hit it off straight away. Richie would do whatever he could to provoke Stan, as he always did with Eddie, and Stan would give deadpan answers, causing the whole group to burst out in laughter.

The jealousy Eddie figured he would experience never made an appearance, for Richie kept his hand on Eddie’s thigh the entirety of the evening, and all it made Eddie feel was supported.

They discovered they all grew up in Derry Maine, which was odd, since they were all around the same age yet they had never seen each other around at school. They wrote it off as a weird coincidence, and Eddie tried to occupy his mind from overthinking it. A nagging feeling in the back of his head seemed to tauntingly tell him something. Yet he couldn’t figure it out.

Al in all the night went amazing. By the end of the event, Eddie was sure he had 7 new friends, and that no matter what happened, they would remain that way after the experience.

With these people, he was not the odd one out, everyone of them was different, but everyone also fit in. They all had experiences that differed from the other, but they also all fit in perfectly.

Each one of them had their own crosses to bare, in their relationship but also in their personal life. Eddie trusted them enough to tell them about his mom, or he would have if the camera’s weren’t there.

Ben was insecure because he had been a bit chubbier as a kid, and he constantly felt like his partners deserved better than him.

Beverly had a horrifying experience with her dad, even though she was hesitant and didn’t say what, only revealing that she had trust issues.

Stanley dealt with some mental health issues, that were still lingering through in his every day life.

Patty had family members who were going through the same things as Stan, so she was very protective.

The death of his little brother had been a traumatic event that defined most of Bill’s young and adult life, but he was trying hard to move past it.

Mike’s parents were killed during a fire, and loneliness was his best friend because of it for years.

Eddie’s breathing got a bit easier with the knowledge that he wasn’t the only one who was a little out of the ordinary.

When Richie and Eddie made their way back home, holding hands like they had been doing throughout the event, Eddie’s view on their future, got a little lighter. The conversation he had helped him put things into perspective, and with newfound courage, Eddie couldn’t wait to continue their journey.

[johnny-and-dora]

may your days be merry and bright

"So many of her favourite Christmas traditions have had to be put on hold this year, and she needs this one night just so she can feel like her old self again."

or, a grumpy, tired and extremely pregnant amy learns she can always rely on her weird work family. (merry christmas/happy holidays everyone!) thank you @fourdrinkamy for a wonderful prompt & @amyscascadingtabs for her infinite wisdom about pregnancy!

read on ao3 -

Amy Santiago has always adored Christmas.

The annual, extremely chaotic congregation of her ever-growing family, the twinkling lights, the festive cheer. The spreadsheets and planning that goes into choosing the perfect gifts on a strict budget. Her mom’s cooking and the way that everyone always acts a little kinder, a little merrier. The movies and the songs and lately, the privilege of sharing it with her favourite person in the entire world.

Next year, they’ll be sharing Christmas with their baby. Next year there will be unfairly adorable Santa themed baby clothes to buy and cheesy family Christmas card photos to pose for and new traditions to make, and Amy is beyond excited for that – but this year, the whole being eight months pregnant thing has inevitably put a bit of a damper on her usually thriving holiday spirit.

The swollen feet and the constant hunger and crippling fatigue and the Braxton Hicks contractions are bad enough, but it’s the endless anxious waiting that’s slowly killing her – the crib is assembled and the hospital bag has been packed and repacked and the binder is done and she’s read every single pregnancy book available to her cover to cover, so thoroughly that according to Jake she’s been reciting facts about infant care in her sleep.

They’re ready, or as ready as they’ll ever be, but now it feels like all they can do is wait.

Amy hates waiting.

And now the most wonderful time of year suddenly feels a lot less wonderful, because she can’t go home for the holidays and enjoy Nochebuena with her family like she has every single other year without fail. She can’t enjoy getting absolutely wasted dancing to Christmas music at Shaw’s or even lure her husband into a supply closet with some mistletoe.

Coupled with her early maternity leave (doctor and captain’s orders, much to her disappointment) meaning she’s stuck at home all day every day with her FOMOW at an all-time high, she feels like she’s at breaking point.

Amy frowns at herself in the mirror, adjusting her dress again – it’s a simple red one that Rosa helped her pick out, neither of them particularly enamoured with the bedazzled maternity pants Gina sent her. She tries to take a calming deep breath, forcing a smile before letting her features fall back into place. It’s the first time she’s bothered to put make-up on all week, but the dark bags under her eyes still seem to taunt her.

Not for the first time, despite how badly she’s been looking forward to this Christmas party, she considers just giving up and staying home.

Luckily for her, Jake chooses this exact moment to appear smiling in the mirror beside her.

“You look beautiful, Ames.” He says fondly – he’s taken to telling her that every single day now that she can barely recognise her own body anymore. Though she finds it hard to believe him, each and every time he says it with the exact same reverence that he did on their first date, and each and every time she can barely suppress a soft smile.

“You’re biased.” She pokes him in the shoulder fondly - he comes closer, wrapping his arms around her in response, swaying a little as they look at each other in the mirror.

“You know I mean it, right? I love absolutely all of you. You could grow an extra head or swell to the size of the moon or shrink down to the size of a mouse and I’d still think you’re the most beautiful woman in the entire universe.”

“Even if I were the size of a mouse?”

“Definitely. I’d carry you round in my pocket and everything. Stuart Little-stylez.” She laughs, shaking her head, but now carrying a lightness in her chest that’s hard to come by these days. He’s been the most supportive partner she could ask throughout these last eight months, although really that’s also true of the last five years they’ve been together.

“Thank you. You’re not bad, either.”

“Oh, I know.” He grins with a familiar bravado that puts her at ease, kissing her cheek. “You ready to go?”

She assesses her appearance in the mirror again, but this time she doesn’t need to force a smile. “I’m ready.”

***

Being thirty-six weeks pregnant, on top of all its other less than desirable side effects, cruelly makes Amy’s devotion to punctuality far more difficult to maintain – she counts it as a victory when they arrive outside the Holt-Cozner household merely five minutes late. The engine sputters to a halt and Mariah Carey is sharply cut off, but Jake doesn’t move, instead fixing her with a meaningful look she knows all too well. She knows what’s coming.

“We don’t have to stay long.” He blurts out. “We don’t even have to go in, if you don’t wanna – I mean, I can turn the car around right now and we can go get polish food and watch Jeopardy and I’ll give you a back massage or something.”

He’s giving her the look again - the soft overprotective one she’s always been fond of but has undoubtedly increased in volume and intensity tenfold since the start of her pregnancy.  

He’s cute when he gets all worried – and he clearly has the best intentions, but little inclination of all the fears she fought to make it this far and all her determination to enjoy this night. Not that she’s told him; Jake has seemingly infinite patience with all her complaints and worries, and she feels a pang of immeasurable guilt about burdening him with any more. Musing this, Amy takes his hand from the steering wheel, thumbing intricate loops over his knuckles.

“You’re sweet. But I want to be here, okay? I want to see everyone! I’ve missed Charles bursting into tears and gushing about the miracle of life every time I walk into the room.”

“Say the word and we can go, okay?”

“Okay!” She squeezes his hand. “Stop worrying, babe. Stress is bad for the baby.” She parrots the saying she’s heard about a billion times in the last eight months and feels satisfied when she finally earns a snort from him. It’s not lost on her that this kid has already turned their entire lives upside down to the point where she’s the one telling him to relax.

A couple years ago, she’d have retched at the thought of being one of the girls in Jake’s beat-up old Mustang. It’s immensely strange and wonderful that now there’s no one else that she could imagine having this baby with. They share a tender smile, and she knows what both of them are thinking. Soon. Soon we get to meet our baby.

Jake grins, placing a light kiss to the back of her hand and pocketing the keys.

“Let’s do this.”

***

It takes a momentous effort for Amy to waddle up to the house despite Jake supporting her the whole way – she has to take a moment to catch her breath back once they’re both welcomed inside, already fighting a familiar creeping fatigue from settling in and stealing the whole night away from her. So many of her favourite Christmas traditions have had to be put on hold this year, and she needs this one night just so she can feel like her old self again.

As usual, the decorations are tasteful and sophisticated, worlds away from the various novelty Christmas items and abundance of tinsel that clutter their home. There’s a pleasant warm atmosphere that instantly relaxes her and she smiles brightly at Jake, who mouths ‘second honeymoon’ before cheerfully greeting Holt with a six-pack of orange soda and launching into an animated conversation about his latest case.

“Amy.” She’s startled out of watching them by a gentle Kevin, who is as gracious of a host as ever. “It is wonderful to see you. Please, make yourself as comfortable as possible. Is there anything I can get you?” She smiles gratefully, already hyper-aware of the dull ache of her swollen feet but determined that her remaining holiday spirit will not be quashed by any means.

She instantly finds a perfect spot on their couch, accepting a glass of water from Kevin before he excuses himself to go and greet more guests.

Despite the lack of any alcohol in her system, it’s all too easy to space out; it’s also all too easy to feel like everyone is merry and bright except her. She bites her nails, frustrated, deep down knowing that she’ll probably spend the whole night intensively snacking and talking to no-one.

She already loves her baby more than anything else in the world, but that doesn’t stop it from sucking that this sad, lonely feeling budding in her centre is her current reality.

One of Kevin’s colleagues tries to start a conversation with her but quickly excuses herself to get more food once she realises Amy isn’t a professor of any kind. Jake or Rosa or anyone she knows seem absolutely nowhere to be found and she’s quick to admit total defeat as she feels herself sinking into the couch, steeling herself for the long and torturous night ahead.

***

At least she can take some comfort in how nice Holt and Kevin’s guest bathroom is.

Cheddar is, blissfully, nowhere in sight. She takes a minute of peace to compose herself, grappling with all her dread and doubt about returning to the party clashing with feeling like a failure if she doesn’t enjoy herself.

She’s about to make her way back into the living room when she catches her name in a passing conversation – Amy pauses, lingering in the doorway, suddenly aware of two very familiar voices speaking in a soft tone down the hall.

“...I just…I worry, y’know? She’s so uncomfortable all the time now and we’re both going a little crazy waiting for the baby to arrive and…I don’t know. I just want to help her, but I feel completely useless most of the time. Especially because she’s this freaking superhero who’s been growing this human being for almost nine months and I’m just this guy that couldn’t even assemble the crib.”

“Jake, I assure you that you are far from useless, and I don’t doubt that Amy has assured of the same thing. You are doing everything you can to support her.” Holt says in his usual authoritative baritone - Amy feels her face burn red, aware that this isn’t a moment she should be trespassing on but unable to walk away.

These are fears that he’s voiced to her before, and she can only hope that the more the people he cares about affirm their belief in him, the more his confidence will start to grow.

“I know. I’m just, uh, scared. And scared that I’m never going to stop being scared.”

“If I may speak candidly, I trust that the very compassion, thoughtfulness and fear you are currently displaying that will make you a great father.”

“You think…you think I’m gonna be a great father?”

“Kevin and I are certain that you will both be excellent parents.” Holt says it like it’s a given, just as water is wet or the sky is blue, and Amy glows with pride from her secret hiding place, praying no one else needs to use the bathroom before this conversation ends.

“You really think so?” She just knows that he’s grinning that bright, shining Peralta grin that she just couldn’t help falling in love with.

“Indeed. In fact, we are very proud of both of you. And – well, you already know, but if there is anything you ever need, we are more than happy to support you.”

“Thanks, Captain. Amy’s going to be so psyched when I tell her that.”

She spends another five minutes in the bathroom sniffling before she can compose herself well enough to return to the party – once she does, she can’t help watching Jake all lit up from across the room, and her eyes immediately well up as her heart just soars leaps and bounds.

***

“Hey.” Rosa slumps down next to her on the sofa while she’s still drying her eyes, nursing an empty wine glass – there’s a softer look in her eyes than usual, an echo of Jake’s increased protectiveness, and Amy is undeniably grateful to see her. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Stupid hormones. What’s up?”

“Eh. I’m fine. Not drunk enough to enjoy talking to these nerds.” Amy scoffs, feeling a slight sting of jealousy that she can’t get drunk with her friends or even attempt to have an intellectual conversation about art history with Kevin’s colleagues, though it’s muted now purely through love for her husband. She twists the ornate silver ring on her finger, aware of the piercing stare her best friend is giving her.

“Are you really okay?” Rosa asks, and Amy’s face crumbles.

“I’m just…really tired of being pregnant. I want to enjoy being here, y’know? I want to enjoy these last few weeks of peace, but I’m bored out of my mind stuck at home just waiting for this kid to pop out of me. And I can’t enjoy being anywhere else because I can’t drink or hold a conversation without immediately falling asleep.” She stifles a well-timed yawn to punctuate her point and Rosa hums in sympathy.

“I feel like I can’t even complain about it to Jake anymore because he’s so damn considerate and kind and he’s trying so hard and I don’t want to burden him with it and I can’t even enjoy Christmas anymore and everything just kinda…”

“Sucks?” Rosa finishes for her and she nods, hands coming to rest naturally on her bump. They’re both quiet for a moment, watching Charles gush about some obscure Latvian festive dish he’s making for Nikolaj to a helpless Terry, but it’s not long before Rosa speaks again.

“Look, I have the day off tomorrow. I’m coming over and we’re making mocktails and watching The Holiday and you can bitch and complain to me about being pregnant as much as you want, guilt-free. Sound good?”

“Rosa, you don’t have to-“

“I know. It’s not a perfect solution or anything but...I want to help. Any way I can.”  Amy gets the feeling that’s the final word on the matter, and she feels gratitude for her best friend rising to a crescendo in her chest. Rosa winces, no doubt recognising the way her face scrunches up when she’s trying not to get emotional, and pats her on the shoulder uneasily. “Please don’t start crying again.”

“I can’t help it!” Amy half-laughs, wiping away a stray tear and pulling her into an awkward yet loving hug. “You’re being nice.”

“It’s not long now, Amy. And…your kid is really lucky to have you guys. You’re both gonna be great.” Rosa smiles a genuine proper rare Rosa smile, before looking down at her empty glass wistfully. “Maybe I’m drunker than I thought I was.”

Amy laughs again, this time bright and shining and full, and the longer she spends here, the more the lightness in her chest she’s spent so long craving simply grows and grows.

***

The rest of the party passes in a blur; a moony-eyed Charles sits beside her at one point and she braces herself for the worst, but finds herself touched deciphering his rambles about how great her and Jake are going to be (and impressed that she only has to veto one invasive question regarding her uterus). She gets to rant to a highly empathetic Sharon for ten minutes who invites her over for lemonade and assures her that she can ask her or Terry any & every parenthood question she can think of.

Holt even shakes her hand as they leave the party, personally thanking her for coming, and Amy beams as she spots the novelty Father’s Day card Jake got for the both of them still taking pride of place on their mantelpiece. Her family may be miles away in New Jersey, but her weird work family are right here, celebrating with her and supporting her and lifting her up in every way they can.

For the first time all month, Amy feels at peace with missing out on a traditional Christmas this year.

She falls asleep in the car before they’ve even left Holt and Kevin’s street - Jake gently wakes her once they arrive home, clearly cautious of an extremely tired and grumpy pregnant wife to placate and clearly surprised at the positivity with which she handles slowly waddling to their apartment.

“It was just really nice to get out of the house and see everyone, I guess.” She offers breezily as a brief explanation, sighing with content as she can finally take the weight off her feet and indulge in the comfort of their bed. He hums before disappearing to make tea for an inconspicuously long time, eventually returning with a mug in one hand and an envelope in the other.

“Here.” He says, setting the mug down on her bedside table, handing her the envelope and flopping down on the bed beside her. “I wanted it to be a surprise, but I just realised it should be something you can look forward to.”

Amy narrows her eyes. “Jake, you know what we said about gifts this year…” She frowns disapprovingly, but all he does is laugh.

“Just open it, babe. I promise it’s nothing taser related.”

Her curiosity easily overpowers any objections she might have and it’s not long before she’s carefully ripping the envelope open - inside is a piece of paper, which she unfolds as he watches her expectantly. Her heart all but lights up as she slowly realises what it is.

“Is this…”

“...A print screen of a booking confirmation? Yep. Sorry, I wanted it to be vaguely more of a nice romantic gesture than just forwarding you the email.”

It’s a booking for a room in a fancy hotel upstate, one she’s always coveted but never been able to convince herself that they could practically afford.

And it’s for a two night stay, starting on Christmas Eve - a simple but heavenly upgrade to their holiday plans. She looks at him with big, shining eyes.

“I’ve always wanted to go there.”

“I know, because every time we drive past it you mention extremely subtly that you’ve always wanted to go there.” Jake grins teasingly, and she can tell he’s proud of himself for this one - he definitely should be. Once again, tears already threaten to spill and blot the paper because he knows her and he loves her and he’s the right person for her and that’s all in the world that matters. She couldn’t ask for anything more.

“I just knew you were missing having a traditional Christmas this year, and I thought we deserved something kinda...nice? And I know it won’t compare to being with your family but we can order as much room service as you want and just spend the whole day lounging about in fluffy robes watching Christmas movies and just doing whatever you want. You’ve earned it, Ames.”

The soft earnest nickname is what breaks her in the end - her face completely crumples as she tries to stammer her gratitude while ugly crying at the thoughtfulness of her husband. Luckily, he’s used to riding an emotional rollercoaster along with her by now and has the common sense to pass her some tissues and rub her back soothingly until she’s all cried out.

And then Amy kisses him, with everything she has left to give, her thankfulness beyond the clumsiness of words. Suddenly the insurmountable obstacle of waiting out these last few weeks doesn’t seem half as daunting.

Her vows ring powerful and true, now more than ever; as long as she’s with the people that she loves, she can handle anything. Tonight has reminded her that she’s surrounded with so many of the right people that, with their help, even raising a child now seems possible.

“This is so thoughtful - thank you.” She holds the paper close to her chest, still sniffling. “I love you so much.”

Her eyes are red and puffy and there’s somehow phlegm everywhere but he still looks at her like she hung the moon anyway and it makes all of it, absolutely all of it, worth it.

“Love you too. Merry Christmas, honey.” He kisses the top of her forehead before gently pressing his hand to her stomach, clearly not over the delightful novelty of instantly feeling a kick there.

“And Merry Christmas to you too, peanut. I know you must be pretty comfy in there but you better not keep us waiting too much longer, because we’re super psyched to meet you.” Amy hums in agreement, absolutely exhausted but completely overwhelmed with joy, her holiday spirit alive and thriving.

And at the end of the day, if it means a few more precious weeks of keeping her husband all to herself, she supposes that maybe she can handle waiting just a tiny bit longer.