#it’s been a slow month so i’m gonna share lots of work this week i gotta make some sales

[cicada-heart]

block printed antique book pages ❤️‍🔥 available

etsy

[rbfclassy]

STILL IN LOVE! #5 — TOJI FUSHIGURO

SYNOPSIS...after still messing around with your ex husband, you began to wonder if you’re still in love with him after finding out about his new girlfriend…

INFO...ex husband!toji x fem!reader, reader & toji have two kids, megumi is readers bio son, jealousy, smut, angst, arguments, alcohol, drinking problem, family problems, arguing in front of kids, toxic behaviors, crying, mentions of divorce

OTHER...likes and reblogs are appreciated

It’s been an entire month since your argument with Toji. Neither of you had said a word to each other, not even when he comes to pick up or drop off the kids. He keeps his distance, not bothering to wait by the door with them, instead he waits on the sidewalk and waved goodbye to them when you open the door. It seems like the kids haven’t took notice of the hostility between you and your ex husband and you wanted to keep it that way. You didn’t want them to witness anymore than they already have. Occasionally, Naya asks if she can go over Toji’s more often, growing an attachment to her father, but you always have to explain to her that he’s busy working during the week. It breaks your heart knowing that your children aren’t growing up with a fully family. You know deep down, they question why they have to go back and forth between houses just to see their father, or wondering why their mommy and daddy aren’t together like the other kids. But knowing how young they are, they wouldn’t understand a single thing. Hopefully when they’re older, they’ll learn from the mistakes you and Toji have made.

You and Nanami have been going strong recently, finding that he makes you forget about the hardships in your life. He hasn’t met the kids yet, which you don’t plan on letting happen anytime soon. He’s a nice guy, great intentions, but you want to take things slow before overstepping your own boundaries. He has took you out on two more dates ever since the first one, and each time he impresses you more and more. It feels like you can be open with him, comfortable without getting judged. He’s also a great listener, not saying a word and just letting you vent all of your feelings out until you feel better. He puts a smile on your face when he knows you’re feeling down or thinking about something that stresses you out. And most of all, he doesn’t mention what happened that morning when Toji showed up at your house. You know he heard most of everything and it was embarrassing to say the least. Toji embarrassed you.

“Mommy, can I go see daddy?” You daughter tapped your leg as you were cutting up her and megumi some fruit to snack on.

You looked down at her with a soft smile. “Tomorrow, baby. You’re gonna see him tomorrow.” You popped a raspberry in her mouth, her favorite fruit.

“Dad’s been drinking a lot.” Megumi walked into the kitchen, stealing a piece of pineapple off of the cutting board.

“What do you mean?” You immediately question, placing the knife down.

“Beer. He gets uncle Gojo to buy it for him and drinks a whole bunch,” he explained. Your lips pursed together, inhaling deeply before you let out a frustrated sigh. You shook your head in disappointment, trying not to show the anger flowing through you right now.

“So can we go see him? I’m worried!” You daughter batted her eyelashes at you, a small frown on her face. No wonder she’s been asking to see Toji so much, it all makes sense now.

“How about you guys call him to say goodnight, mommy isn’t driving right now. Plus, it’s late.” You picked up the knife, cutting more pineapple into smaller chunks.

“Please! Please! Please, mommy!” You daughter grabbed onto the hem of your shirt, nearly ripping it off of you with the way she was begging.

“Naya, cut it out! Mom said no!” Megumi slightly raised his voice, an annoyed look on his face.

“I wasn’t asking you, dummy!” Her brows furrowed in anger, her gaze now on her brothers.

“Shut up, idiot!” Megumi shouted back.

“Aye! Cut the shit!” You warned, sharing looks between both of them. Naya huffed, stomping her little feet over to the living room. “I don’t need you guys calling each other names, alright? Naya, I said no, and that means no. And Megs, stop being mean.”

“She called me it first!” He exclaimed.

“I don’t care who did it first! I don’t need y’all fighting. Naya, come here!” You shouted from the kitchen. “Eh, stay here.” You pointed at Megumi when he tried to walk away. He let out an annoyed sigh leaning against the counter. “Naya!” She turned the corner with a frown on her face, eyes watery as she looked up at you. “Baby, what’s wrong?” As soon as you asked her that question she burst into tears. Before you could even place the knife down, Megumi picked her up and held her in his arms while she cried.

“Ny-ny, what’s wrong? I’m sorry I called you an idiot, okay? I was mad, but I shouldn’t have said that,” he said softly, rubbing her back as she cried on his shoulder. The little girl hiccuped softly, wrapping her arms around her brothers neck tightly. “Do you wanna tell mommy what’s wrong?” He asked, looking at her. He brought his hand up to her face, wiping the tears.

“Da…daddy!” She sobbed, trying to catch her breath. “I wanna see…daddy!” Tears streamed down her chubby cheeks as she laid her head back on her brothers shoulder. Megumi turned to look at you, and you could see that he was also worried about his father, even if he wasn’t as vocal as it. “Mommy!” She cried.

You reached your hands out, picking her up from Megumi and holding her to your chest. “You really wanna see daddy?” You asked, wiping off her tears with your shirt. She nodded, still whimpering and sniffling. She rubbed her puffy eyes, little fists holding onto the fabric of your shirt. “Okay, we’ll go see daddy then. Megs, put your shoes on.”

You held Naya’s hand as you walked up the steps with them. She had a little smile on her face, excited to all hell to see her father. Megumi rang the doorbell, waiting patiently with you in the cold. “You excited, huh?” You chuckled, looking down at your daughter.

“Who is it?” Toji’s deep voice spoke from the other side of the door.

“Dad, it’s us!” Megumi answered. You were a little nervous to see him, knowing that this was going to be an unexpected surprise, but you had a very valid reason for showing up here. Toji unlocked the door, confusion written all over his face when he seen you and his two kids standing outside in the cold. He barely had time to register the situation before Naya ran over to him and hugged him.

“Daddy!” She yelled followed by a giggle.

“Hey, peanut!” He picked her up like she weighed nothing, sitting her on his hip and giving her a kiss on the cheek. “What’re doing here so early, huh?” He asked with a smile.

“She’s been asking about you all day…all week actually,” you spoke. “She started crying cause she missed you so much, so I brought her over here,” you explained.

Naya fiddled with her dads lip scar, as Toji stood there and stared at you for a few minutes. It’s like he almost forgot how you sounded, it’s been so long. “Well, uh, would you like to come in or are you just dropping them off?” He asked, clearing his throat.

“Yeah, I’ll come in.” The only reason you accepted was because you wanted to speak to him about his drinking problem that Megumi suddenly brought up.

“Hi, buddy.” Toji ruffled Megumi’s hair, giving him a kiss on top of his head. He closed the door behind you, your eyes immediately taking notice of the four beer cans that sat on his coffee table. A rush of disappointment came washing over you as you continued to stare at them. “Don’t mind the mess,” he awkwardly chuckled, quickly trying to clean up as he sat Naya down on the couch.

You stuffed your hands in your coat pocket, standing in the middle of the living room as he grabbed the cans and quickly took them into the kitchen. “I told you,” Megumi whispered. Toji walked back into the living room, looking at you.

“So, uh, she was crying you said?” He asked.

“Yeah,” you nodded, “she…she was like full on sobbing for you. Scared me shitless at first if I’m being honest.”

“Ny-ny, you can’t be scaring mommy like that.” Toji walked over, pinching her cheeks until she giggled. You watched the scene in front of you, seeing the smile on your daughter’s face when she was with Toji made your heart swell. “If you want, I can take them early, and come pick up their stuff tomorrow. You look…tired.”

You shrugged. “Just a little. It’s been a long week.” Toji nodded in agreement, standing back up right as all you stood there in silence while the two kids watched whatever was on the tv. “Toji, can I speak with you?”

“Yeah, yeah, what’s up?” He asked.

“In private.” You stared at him.

“Um, yeah. Megs, Ny, stay here, okay? Watch whatever you wanna watch.” He smiled at them.

“Megs, can we watch The Incredibles again?” Naya clung to her brothers arm as he grabbed the remote.

You followed Toji down the hallway to his bedroom. “How have you been?” You asked, shutting the door behind you.

“Me? I’ve been fine. How are you?” He asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. Your eyes were locked onto him as you stood there by the door. Toji had a confused expression on his face. “Something wrong?”

“How have you been, Toji?” This time you asked with more sternly, clenching your jaw.

“I don’t get…I don’t get it.” He looked around the room as if he was being pranked, awkwardly rubbing his hands on his thighs.

“Megs told me about your drinking problem. You got Gojo going out and buying beer for you all the time? Getting drunk when the kids are here?! I can smell it on your breath!” You yelled in a whisper, folding your arms across your chest.

“I only drink enough to get tipsy, okay? I wouldn’t get drunk around the kids, y/n,” he sighed, holding his head in his hands.

You scoff, “like that makes it any better. Naya keeps asking about you because she’s worried, crying her eyes out because of it, because she misses you. Megumi doesn’t say a word about how he feels, but I can tell he’s scared, Toji. You had four beers on the fucking coffee table when I walked in!” You exclaimed, eyebrows raised.

“I know,” he sighed. “I’m sorry. I just…I’m dealing with shit, y/n.” He rested his elbows on his knees, looking down at the floor.

“We are all dealing with shit, Toji, but you gotta be there for our kids! I’m not here to argue with you, okay? I just want to know what is going on. The kids want to know what’s going on.” You looked at him with concern as he avoided your gaze completely, head still hung low.

“I can’t say it.” Toji looked up, finally locking eyes with you.

“Why?” You asked.

“Because it won’t matter, y/n. I’ve made mistakes, and I’m dealing with them. That’s all there is to it.” He bit the inside of his cheek, closing his eyes.

Your expression softened. There was no need for Toji to explain what he was talking about because you already knew. He was talking about you guys, your relationship, your marriage, your family. “It wasn’t just you, Toji,” you spoke softly. “It was me too. We grew apart. It happens.”

He shook his head. “You were only acting that way because of how I was treating you. It’s not your fault so don’t say it was, please. I’m the one who fucked it up. Back then I fucked it up, and now I’m fucking it up. Every time I got something good going on I find a way to ruin it.”

“Toji…” Your voice was barely above a whisper.

He stood up from his spot on the bed and walked towards you, his muscular and tall frame trapping you against the door. “I’m sorry. I miss you, I miss what we had, mama. You gotta understand me.” He cupped your face in his hands.

“No, no, don’t do that.” You shook your head, removing his hands from you.

“Do what, mama?” He asked softly.

“That, Toji.” You kept shaking your head at him. “I can’t. We can’t.”

“Why not? Hm?” He tried to catch your eye.

“I’m with someone else,” you bluntly said. Your heart was beating loudly in your chest, almost deafening in your ears as you stood there against the door. There was nothing but silence from Toji. He took a step back from you.

“Is it him?” Toji asked. All you did was nod. He scoffed. “So y’all are really together?”

“Yeah, we are,” you answered. “He treats me good, makes me happy.”

“So you don’t love me anymore?” Toji questioned.

“I didn’t say that!” You looked at him in disbelief.

“That’s not what you said the last time we spoke to each other. What you said fucking hurt me. You hate me. You wish you never married me. Remember that?” Toji cocked his head to the side.

“I was upset, Toji.” You rolled your eyes.

“You just don’t say shit like that, y/n. Never once in our entire relationship together have I said some shit like that to you.” He stood there, waiting for you to say something, but you didn’t.

“Well, I don’t know what you want me to say! I came here because Naya was worried about you and Megumi told me about your drinking problem. That’s all I came to talk about! I didn’t come to talk about what we had going on, okay? So just fucking drop it. I’m happier, I’m better. I’m getting treated the way I deserve to be treated for the first time in my life." You snapped.

“For the first time in your life? Are you hearing how you sound right now? I know I wasnt perfect, but I did everything I could to make you happy. Yes, there were some things I could’ve done better, but I loved you like you were supposed to be loved. Why else would I marry you?” Toji walked towards you again.

“Then you should’ve showed that love. Just know I’ll be better without you.” You opened the bedroom door, walking down the hallway.

“Y/n!” Toji shouted. He followed after you as you ignored him. “Y/n!” He shouted again.

“Stop following me, Toji! I’m leaving!” You screamed.

Megumi and Naya looked over at both of you, seeing you two yelling. “I’m not done talking to you!” Toji grabbed your wrist, pulling you back.

“Well, I am!” You snatched your arm back from him.

“Stop it!” Megumi yelled, covering his little sisters ears.

You and Toji looked over at the kids sitting on the couch, Naya’s eyes watery, lip wobbly as tears threatened to spill from her eyes. Megumi shared looks between both of you, concern and fear written on his face. “Come on, let’s go back home. You’ll see daddy tomorrow.”

“I wanna stay!” Naya pouted.

“Naya, please, get in the car.” You sighed in frustration, grabbing her hand.

“No! No!” She started screaming, dropping to the floor and kicking around, throwing a tantrum.

“Get up, Naya! I’m not gonna ask you again!” You lifted her off of the floor, grabbing her hand again. She pulled away from you, running over to Toji, hugging his legs.

“Fine. Fine. Stay with your father. I’ll see both of you in a few days. I love you.” You grabbed your keys from your coat pocket, walking to the front door, slamming it shut behind you.

“Come here, baby girl.” Toji picked his daughter up.

“You two always fight! I hate it!” Megumi stormed out of the living room and into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him, making Naya jump. Toji stood there in the living room with his daughter, a lump forming in his throat. He let out a choked sob, immediately hiding his face from his daughter.

“Daddy, don’t cry.” She wiped his tears away.

“I’m sorry, baby girl.” He sniffled. Your family was falling apart right in front of Toji’s eyes. Megumi is looking for a way out of this family at such a young age, indulging in video games and tv to drown out the real problems. Naya conflicted with her feelings, crying constantly because of the state both of you were in, affecting her. Nothing is like it was before. Toji hated this was happening. This is was last thing he ever wanted.

You sat in your car outside of his house, wiping your tears from how overwhelmed you were. You were at a loss on how to fix this. Each time you tried, it ended the same. You were fearful it was going to keep getting worse, worse until there was no way to reverse the damage done.

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[kaiser-s-bitch]

hi omg i have been thinking about this a lot and idk I think you could work well with my request, so I’ll just ask! How would Neuvilette and Wriothesley react to their female s/o telling them they can go raw / they can finish inside? I’m so curious~ and I hope you have fun with writing this! Neuvi and Wrio are so hot omg I am so sad I didn’t get Wrio :(

hello my dear!! thank you so much for sending this in, I finally got around to writing it ;-;

I absolutely did have fun with it, and I’m sure Wrio will honor you with His Grace pun intended during his rerun😌🙌🏼 do feel free to share more of your thoughts hehe

—————

asking them to finish inside (Neuvillette, Wriothesley) || 18+

Neuvillette:

The Iudex of Fontaine had been busy this entire week. Very busy. Too busy to spend any sort of alone-time with you, not even returning home for the night, instead spending the nights in his office, burying himself in the mountain of bureaucracy that he called his work.

Tonight was the first time after said week where he had come home to you, finally burying himself in you again… and it was driving both of you absolutely crazy.

Breathless pants of his name left your lips in a seemingly endless stream, your fingers entangled in the silky strands framing his pretty face as you gently rub your thumbs against his cheeks, the loving gesture in stark contrast to the almost feral movements of your bodies meeting one another in an unrestricted, desperate display of passion.

He was so damn close - you could see it in his face, hear it in the way his moans of pleasure got that slightly whiny edge you loved so incredibly much, feel it in the way his hips began to increasingly stutter with each stroke of his. He tried to slow down in an attempt to postpone his release, refusing to let this end just yet, not before you would be satisfied first… but you yourself had other plans.

Your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him in even closer as you whispered in his ear "Don’t stop now, my love… Please, keep going, wanna feel you finish inside…"

He shuddered visibly, inhaling sharply in an attempt to calm himself down and keep from exploding right then and there.

It took all of the Iudex’s willpower to cease his movements, pulling away slightly to look directly into your eyes and inquiring "Are you… absolutely sure?"

Even though you were on the pill, and neither of you knew for certain whether it was even possible for him to procreate with a human, you usually never opted to take the risk… up until now.

You nod, pulling him in once more and clenching around him noticeably, your hips moving ever so slightly to coax him into going on.

"I am. It’s gonna be okay, just please…" You trail off, unable to finish the sentence, though it’s not like you needed to in order for him to understand. He nods very slowly, his empathetic nature paired with the physical need overwhelming him in this moment making it nearly impossible for him to resist your wishes (or his own body’s, for that matter).

He lets out a soft groan under his breath, starting to move against you once more, this time with more vigor and intensity, yet also trembling more than ever before. It wasn’t long until his thrusts grew sloppier, until he eventually pushed himself as deep as he could possibly go and let out a soft, shaky moan when he finally released inside of you.

Wriothesley:

The Duke was a smart and responsible man. He seemed to always know what to do and what not to do, keeping a cool head no matter the direness of a situation… but goddamn did you make that impossible for him today.

It was a certain time of the month - the time where you were especially horny and needy. And he already knew in advance: Wriothesley kept track of your monthly cycle in his calendar, ensuring that he was mentally prepared for all of your moods and could avoid additional headaches. But all that preparation didn’t help him much in this case, because how on earth would you expect him to not go completely feral when you come up to him sitting in his office, straddling his lap and rubbing yourself against him so deliciously??

He actually still had some administrative work to finish… but tomorrow would be a day too, right?

So Wriothesley ended up telling himself one of the biggest lies in human history: "JuSt tHe TiP" - which of course escalated into much, much more as you kept teasing and taunting him to keep going until he ultimately bent you over his desk, slowly sinking himself into you just the way he knew you loved.

He eventually doubles over, leaning down and pressing his chest against your back, whispering to you in a husky voice as he wraps one hand around your delicate neck: "You’ve managed to rile me up quite a bit there, darling." You only let out a soft whine in response, clenching around him desperately as you could feel yourself throbbing for more. The Duke couldn’t help but let out a stifled groan, sinking his teeth into your shoulder at the sensation.

"You’re really a piece of work, y’know that?", he then remarked with a throaty chuckle, his free hand coming down on your ass and eliciting a surprised yelp from you. He knew he wasn’t going to last any longer, you had gotten him way too weak already, so he inquired in a low rumble of a voice: "Where do you want it, princess?" He was about to pull out, but a distinct protest from you stopped him - it was as if your pussy was holding him in with a death grip, causing his eyes to roll back for a moment due to how close he was feeling to his limit.

"Stay inside, please, want you to cum inside", you babbled almost incoherently, yet the man understood every single word.

*Wrio.exe has stopped working*

You hadn’t even finished the sentence when he exploded inside of you, letting out a not-so-manly moan in the process (you fucking loved it).

[velaenaa]

strawberry chocolate parfait \ nanami kento x reader (ch.1)

word count: 1.1k tags: slight slow burn, pining, romance, fluff, added as i go! setting: you are a worker at a bakery that nanami kento frequents ♡ authors note: hello ^_^ i hope you are doing wonderful! this is my first time writing for nanami. pls enjoy! chapter: 1/? <next>

Chapter 1 - Vanilla Cake

‘Does this guy need help….?’

‘He’s staring real hard at the bread…. Omg- is it ugly? Aw hell- I made that this morning…’ 

Your thoughts were cut off by the towering figure of a man, with two loaves of baguette in one hand and one container of cake, that happened to be your favorites, in the other. You smile up at him, “Will this be everything?” He gives a stiff nod, locking his eyes with yours, then you giggled; “Then.. I guess I'll bag-uette up for you..” 

No? No reaction..Damn, tough crowd.. 

He thanks you and you bid him farewell and to come back soon. You could’ve sworn he almost smiled… maybe that was a look of irritation..?

After he leaves eyesight, You make haste by sitting down behind the counter, face flushed with embarrassment and agony. It made you cringe. Why would you say that? Your coworker giggled at you, making sure to add salt to the wound, “You tried.. That’s all it matters.” she gives you a head pat and continues,  “He’s a regular here. He’s probably gonna come back in another couple of hours on his way home or something.”

“Then how come I’ve not seen him before?”

“Dunno.. He’s been away for a couple months now.” 

“What’s his name?”

“You should ask when he comes back.”

“Isn’t that weird?”

“Oh but asking some other random person, who doesn’t know him at all, by the way, isn’t weird?”

She has a point.

You looked down at your phone and idly texted your friend Nobara about your day and fashion related topics. 

You met when Nobara came down to the bakery to get some pastries for her boyfriend. You hit it off right away due to shared interests, albeit you being 7 years older. Nobara enjoyed having an older sister with an affinity for style, love for shopping, and interest in all the cool girl stuff that Maki wouldn’t normally talk to her about. 

Right now you two are discussing weekend plans. Nobara and her boyfriend Yuji, along with Megumi, and their teacher Gojo were going to a karaoke room cause it had been a while since Gojo had gone out with his students. He was stuck on oversea assignments for the past couple of weeks and he dearly misses them, or so he says. As always, you had been invited and of course you said yes! 

You are very fond of the kids and Gojo. The 3 of them reminded you of your siblings back home, and well- Gojo is Gojo. Plus, if you had declined, Gojo would pester you non-stop. 

-

After a mini rush, you sit  down, tired, ready to bite down into your sandwich, when on queue, the door swings open, revealing the tall blonde man, taking his glasses off as his eyes pierce you again. You wave at him and he just nods. You get a bag ready as the man collects another slice of the same cake he had bought earlier. He also got another dessert, this time, a small vanilla custard tart w/ fruits on top, made by yours truly. He comes up to the counter, and you stiffen up  in shyness, “Is this everything for you?”

The man looked tired, but he let out a soft, yet stern ‘yes.’

As you rang up his order you looked back up to him, your lips curling into a small grin, “How was work?” This caught them both off guard, “Oh- I didn’t- I didn’t mean to assume-” I mean.. Unless this guy enjoys walking around in a whole business suit for funsies.

He actually lets out a chuckle, “It’s okay. It was a busy day.” 

You both stayed silent for a second before he asked in return, “How was your day, miss?” This made you feel warm and your smile only got bigger, “It was wonderful! I got to serve a lot of customers. They bought their kids in. It was so fun.”

‘And cause you came into the shop twice.’

“Ah sorry.. I’m trailing. I didn’t mean to ramble- you must be dying to get home.”

‘No, I could get used to listening to you.’  is what he wanted to say;

Instead he lets out a relieved sigh, “It’s alright. I’m glad you had a good day today.” This caused your cheeks to tint red. Dying from embarrassment because you just knew that your coworkers were listening in, she redirects the topic, and points at the cake, “Do you like those?” He nods again, “They’re the best I’ve ever had. Compliment the baker for me.” Oh your heart, you could hear it beating so hard from your chest. 

You do a mental fist pump before clapping your hands with glee, “Oh I’m so glad you liked them!” You go around the counter and grab another slice just for him. You stared up at him in absolute awe, because behind the counter was elevated by at least a foot. 

This man was tall, as hell. 

He just looks down at you eyeing your move. You push the cake towards him even harder, “This one is on the house!” He tilts his head in question. You double down and nod your head, affirming the choice. He grabs hold of the cake with one hand, “Thank you. I appreciate that.”

‘Ask for her name Nanami’ He repeats to himself in his head

“What is your name?” She beats him to the punch. 

‘Have you lost your touch?’-- “Nanami”

“I really like your name. It’s beautiful! My name is Y/N.”

‘Y/N, huh.. What a nice name..’

You give him his bag as he recollects his thoughts, “It’s nice to meet you. I’ve got to get going. Work” You shoot him one last smile before waving him off, “Thank you for coming! It was nice to meet you! Don’t work too hard!”

An hour goes by and it's time for the bakery to close for the night. You turn the lights off as the ladies load up the delivery car with food that wasn’t sold for the day so they could give it to the local kitchens and homeless shelters. You bid your coworkers farewell before hopping into your car and collecting yourself, before driving home.

After you get home you jump into bed, eager to text Nobara. 

[Txt]  Y/N - “I met such a cute guy today!”

A second later there’s an audio msg from her of Gojo;

[Voice Recording] “Wahh?! Y/N I wasn’t there today!”  in a whiny bit.

You laugh as Nobara actually sends a text;

[Txt] Nobara - “Tell me all about it when you come to karaoke… matter of fact, he should come!”

But you just met.. How are you going to pull that off… and will he even want to go is the better question… what if he thinks you’re weird … oh lord… so many overthinking possibilities.. Ok but what if he actually says yes?

[Txt] Y/N- “Are you sure?”

[Txt] Nobara  - “Yeah! Gojo-sensei is paying anyway.”

[indigo-flowers09]

OMG HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I JUST DISCOVERED YOUR BLOG LIKE A FEW DAYS AGO BUT I LOVE YOUR ART SM OMG 😭😭😭💕💕💕

I LOVE YOUR UTY AU TOO!!! KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK & CONGRATS ON TURNING 15!! 🥳

BLOW OUT YOUR CANDLES & MAKE A WISH! >:3

🎂

Gosh i said i wasn’t gonna post this week and here i am, making ANOTHER drawing for another tumblr ask („•v•„U )

little rant under the cut ;3

I might be overblowing it but i mean, i’ve been getting a lot of love for this au these last. two weeks i think? gosh time moves so slow…

I even got my very first commission! and i’ve gotten so many likes and heard so many people say they love little Clover up there and it really means the world! I’m so happy, even if it’s to a handful of people, to share something that im passionate about and has been keeping me sane for the past month or two, alongside it being undertale, one of my earliest special interests and biggest passions.

I’m planning on making a C!overtale comic, starting at some point in the next few months, if not by winter break. If i actually end up finishing it, and all its routes, you might even be able to expect an Overtale proper comic ;]

I’m just happy that people care about my art so much, and that i can enjoy my birthday knowing people care as much about Clover as i do.

Sincerely, Indigo :]

[samuel-de-champagne-problems]

Who's Counting?

Spencer Reid x Female Reader (Smut +18)

Summary: Part 2 to So It Goes, but could be read as a standalone. Spencer and reader have been dating consistently for a couple of months, after finally admitting feelings for each other at a night in a bar. Other things, like their sexual experience were admitted as well. Reader, after plenty of lunches and dates with Spencer is ready to take that step with Spencer…if he’ll ever make the move.

Warnings: Oral sex (female receiving) fingering, penetrative sex with protection

Note: I’ve been kind of off lately with writing consistently, but for some reason I had a lot of inspiration when writing this one. So I hope you like it. I’m really happy with it!

Word Count: 7K

After seventeen more shared lunches, three actual dates, and many nights with Spencer even sleeping over at my place. It took nearly everything in me to convince him to sleep in the same bed as me. Spencer, it seemed, was hellbent on taking it slow. It was hard to take things slow, especially when the man I’m taking things slow with, just happened to be the prettiest man I’ve ever seen. 

On our eighteenth shared lunch, Spencer sat next to me on the dark green upholstered chair in his office. I loved his office. It was quaint with mismatched furniture and probably hundreds of books all over the place. He had framed pictures of his former co-workers/basically brother’s and sister’s kids on his desk. It smelled like coffee and grapefruit air freshener. And I loved it. 

I brought leftover chicken curry over rice for us to split. Spencer, like always, provided the coffee. Dating a man with an impeccable memory proved useful when he always remembered my coffee order after hearing me place an order for it once. 

“Coffee with a splash of oat milk and cinnamon,” Spencer said. He placed the drink before me on the desk as I handed him his lunch portion, “Oh, and I bought you some Hershey’s chocolate syrup in the mini-fridge,” he told me. Spencer smiled as he looked down at his plate, clearly proud of himself for the small gesture. It was small, admittedly, but it’s also one of the nicest things a man’s done for me. 

“Did you really go out and get me chocolate syrup because I mentioned it fleetingly?” I proposed. I licked the back of my spoon and handed Spencer a napkin from my lunch bag. 

“You like your coffee a very particular way,” Spencer said with a shrug, “I want to make you happy, Y/N. Even if it’s something small like making sure you’re never too cold or having coffee the way you like,” 

“Even if you explain the logistics of it, Spence. I’m still going to think it’s the nicest thing anyone’s done for me,” I confessed. Spencer looked away pointedly; somehow he’s the one that got embarrassed about this whole thing. 

“Well you’re going to have to get used to it,” he replied. Spencer took a bite of the chicken, probably nearly burning his mouth of the molten sauce, “Because I’m gonna do it a lot,” he said with his mouth full, “Make you happy that is,” 

We never really talked about an ‘us’ before. For the last couple of weeks, Spencer and I’ve certainly acted like a couple. We continued our daily lunches from before that night in the bar, but began to hang out more outside of work. After the night when he finally slept in my bed, I went out and bought pajama pants and tee shirts for him. So he wouldn’t have to sleep in his clothes again. Just like Spencer wanted to make me happy, I wanted to make him happy too. 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full. It’s really not sexy,” I said, nudging Spencer on the shoulder.

He rolled his eyes, some of the sauce rested on the corner of his mouth. “Pfft. You find me devilishly handsome, freakishly sexy, and deliciously…” 

“Annoying?” I interrupted, soaking up some of his curry on his plate. I smiled at Spencer’s hesitant glee. 

“Nope. You find me sexy. I’m a profiler. I can tell.” Spencer quipped. He smiled with a mixture of mirth and coyish charm. Our knees touched under the table. My knees were bare and he was covered in his long gray dress pants. I felt the friction start at my kneecap and it jolted straight toward my lower stomach. 

“Then why won’t you have sex with me.” I said. It came out more frustrated and rather angry than I intended. “I-I mean. It’s just….it’s been like a bunch of dates and my couch literally has an indent from you sleeping on it. And I mean, you clearly know that I’m attracted to you and I’m like pretty sure you’re attracted to me, but it’s just…” 

Spencer's fingers reached up to my chin and tilted it up so I would be forced to look at him in the eyes. His gaze practically melted my insides. It was like that friction I felt turned into something like magma. His eyes bore into me and threatened him back with a gaze of my own. 

“You’re very wrong if you doubt for a moment my attraction to you, honey. I just want you to know that’s not the thing I’m after. Sex with you is going to be amazing. But sex with you isn’t all that I want from you. It’s simply an added bonus.” 

This man will truly be the death of me. But at least that death will be at the hands of multiple orgasms and intellectual conversation. 

I choked as Spencer’s fingertips left my chin. He returned his hands to his lap and looked back at me. Our eyes met again and I offered him a soft smile. “You already make me happy, by the way. Happier than I’ve been in a very long time.” 

Spencer’s eyes shifted from my eyes to where our hands almost touched. The table was cool against my palm, which seemed to sweat at the very thought of being brushed up against Spencer’s hand. Neither of us dared to make a move, waiting in the thick silence for the other to break the spell laid before us. It’s tense, the space between us. His brown eyes, once blazing in the bar that night, were soft with concern and worry. I’m smart enough, albeit a little naive when it came to romance, that the look in Spencer’s eyes was enough to warn me of what was to come. 

“I’m glad.” Spencer admitted. His eyes wandered around the room before finally they landed on my eyes yet again. It was like we were two magnets, made up of opposing poles, unable to stay apart for too long. Somehow we always ended up colliding in an unbreakable way. And I couldn’t say I disliked those of being bound by the law of physics to Spencer. 

“I don’t want to beat around the bush anymore.” I ventured, setting down my fork to look at Spencer dead on. His eyes were the window to his soul and I, in that moment, read exactly what he was doing. “I really really really really like you Spencer. You’re so charming and handsome. And seem to actually like me? I don’t get that often. So when I do get it, it’s really something to me. What I’m trying to say,” I paused, eyes searching Spencer’s face for flashes of disagreement, “is that I’m ready?” 

“For?” Spencer teased playfully, knowing exactly what I wanted. He shifted in his seat, eyes shooting back and forth from my eyes to my lips. He was going to make me say it out loud. 

Again.

“You know what I mean.” I whispered, my voice hushed even though we were completely alone. Though know one was in the room I felt a wave of unease rush through me at the thought of this conversation getting out. Spencer’s hands gripped me and a pressure from my shoulders seemed to release at his touch. I thought that I should be worried about how affected I am by him. I was completely enamored in the way he talked, the way he carried himself, the way he held my hand and bought me my favorite books. 

“I think I do.” Spencer said, his eyes were like liquid sugar and they melted my resolve. They completely washed away anything that held me back. Looking at Spencer, with our knees touching, it was hard to think straight. I felt the fire build in me. It was like warm embers burning deep inside of me. It threatened to swallow me whole and I was tempted enough by Spencer’s fiery eyes to just give into it. 

So it goes, I thought. 

“I think you do,” I repeated. I slotted Spencer’s hand into mine and squeezed. My heart leapt when he squeezed back, a silent sign that we were on the same page. I’ve never been on the same page as someone before. It was an unfamiliar feeling, but sitting there with Spencer with my knees pressed against his and his eyes burning into my skin, I think that I’d like to feel it again. 

***

Spencer, as it turned out, was quite romantic. And, as it also turned out, I quite liked being on the receiving end of being romanced by him. It’s not to say I didn’t do my fair share of romantic gestures for him. There was a never ending supply of gently used books and homemade sweets made especially for Spencer nearly every time I saw him, which quickly became every day. I loved our lunches, but something told me I was going to love the entire weekend with Spencer alone even more. 

He rested his hand against my thigh as I drove up the winding Virginia country roads. Spencer, I learned, hated driving, but was an excellent co-pilot. In his spare time, he memorized maps so he would know exactly where he was. If I already didn’t find him incredibly endearing and adorable, I would have fallen head-over-heels for him right then and there. 

“It’s not much further.” Spencer said. He didn’t even look down at the map that rested on his lap. He gestured with one hand, showcasing his excitement. The other laid gently on my thigh. I could feel the warmth from his hand, yet when his palm touched my skin I felt goosebumps crop up.

“I always forget how beautiful it is up here,” I commented, turning on the blinker. 

“I think you’re trying to manipulate me into saying that you’re beautiful too,” Spencer teased. His eyes were dark in the lack of light, but I swore I saw the color I’ve been searching for in them.

“Why,” I asked, “is it working?” I offered him a toothy smile, unafraid of showing off my crooked teeth. It seemed so innocuous, smiling fully, smiling carelessly, but I couldn’t remember a time I did. 

“Of course it is.” Spencer said, blushing crimson as I chuckled. His thumbs brushed against my leg, reminding me of what was to come. I pulled into the driveway, the little cabin that Spencer found online even more charming in person than on the computer. 

“Jeez, I can’t believe you insisted on renting this cabin for our weekend. I would’ve totally been fine with us going Dutch at the crappy Sonic and boning in the back of your Volvo.” I joked, leaning over the console and kissing Spencer on the cheek. 

He reciprocated, moving his face towards mine so our lips slotted together. Spencer's hands cupped my head, keeping steady against him. We kissed plenty of times in between the nineteen lunch dates and the countless times he crashed on my couch. Sometimes those kisses were sweet, as if my lips could break if he placed too much pressure on them. And other times the kisses were fervent and rushed, as if he couldn’t bear to not be close to me. 

Yet this kiss found itself lying somewhere in between. 

“Could you please just enjoy me being nice to you.” Spencer said with exasperation. His sigh made me giggle against his lips. And he swallowed it with another kiss. “And though this cabin is fancy, the hot tub is entirely for my benefit.” 

“Oh please you say that like I don’t want to see you walk around with nothing on, Spencer Reid,” I scoffed, “You are aware that women are just as much of sexual creatures as men are.” 

I gleefully watched as Spencer’s cheeks tinged a bright pink and then his eyes narrowed into my face. He studied me like he was looking at me for the first time. His thumb brushed against my cheeks, my chin, my bottom lip, and then it gently rubbed against my cheekbone. 

“I am aware.” His hand had snaked down to my neck, bringing me closer and closer to his lips. “Very aware, Y/N.” 

*** 

I slipped my swimsuit over one of the towel bars, letting it dry overnight. Spencer came up behind me, his hands seeking the warmth underneath my sweatshirt. They felt big against my waist and his thumb dragged against my hip. It was the parts of myself that hardly saw daylight, that were never touched, never kissed or caressed. 

“I told you that the hot tub was worth it.” Spencer whispered in my ear. I turned around to face him. My back was pressed against the counter. I didn’t realize I craved domesticity with Spencer until seeing his bottle of aftershave and my tube of moisturizer coupled on the counter. It was that simple little detail that sent shockwaves of something I couldn’t quite pinpoint up my spine and out my fingertips. 

“I did enjoy it. It’s another reason why I got to convert you to the Kindle. You can read with the peace of knowing you’re not hurting your book if it gets wet.” 

Spencer grunted, as if using an eReader was an affront to humanity. “I would rather eat a book than to read it on an electronic device. Besides, we both know why you prefer your Kinder.” 

“Kindle,” I corrected, “And why do I prefer my Kindle?” I continued, staring at a fixed point as Spencer’s lips dipped below my earlobe, kissing a patch of skin that he found to be particularly sensitive. 

“The books you read on there aren’t the kind of books that you’d want people to know you’re reading.” He replied, continued to pepper kissing against my neck and I gripped his gray tee shirt for some sort of grounding. “But I could tell,” he whispered, nipping my neck, “what sort of book you were reading. You do this thing with your lips. You wet them, part them, and then you let out this little breath. It’s adorable. And those eyes of yours, Y/N. They dart around like you’re going to get caught. You hide it well, but not from me.” 

“Spencer,” I panted, my fingers clawing at his shirt, begging for him to take it off and toss me on the creaky bed, “Please. It’s been forever since we’ve…..”

I didn’t know what it’s been since or even what we were. All I know is that whatever it is could break my heart or bring me back to life. Spencer’s hands gathered the fabric of my sweatshirt at my waist. His forehead dipped against mine and I swore I heard him curse something that sounded like my name. 

“Are you sure, Y/N?” Spencer asked, his voice husky with a potent mixture of want and need and desire, “This is your first time and I want to make sure you’re into this. You’re perfect and I want you to know that–” 

I cut him off with a kiss. Somehow, I jumped up so my butt rested on the counter and I braced my hands on either side of Spencer’s head as I crashed my lips against his. Instinctively, his hands creeped up to cradle my face, holding me like I was something precious, something sweet, something fragile. 

“I don’t break,” I choked out in between breaths and kisses, “So don’t be afraid to fuck me, Spencer.” I cursed, wrapping my legs around his waist as a way to tell him just how much I desired him. 

Spencer, finally, gave into me. He moved us from the cramped bathroom, holding up my weight as he entered the bedroom. I was tossed against the bed, ricocheting against the hard, springy mattress. He hovered over me, his eyes scanning my face, focusing on my eyes, my nose, my lips before kissing my forehead. It wasn’t the searing kiss against my lip I imagined it would be. It was sweet. Endearing even. 

He motions for me to sit up, taking the opportunity to remove my sweatshirt. Spencer kissed along the column of my neck, smirking against my skin at my responsive squeals and squirms. He used his other hand to take up home against my waist, fiddling with the waistband of my shorts. I watched as he glared at me in the living room when I came out wearing sleep shorts that could hardly be defined as shorts. Now, he traced the ruffle hem with a delicate attention that could only be defined as analytic.  

“Spence.” his name came tumbling from my lips before I could stop myself. It was halfway in between a plea and a prayer. His hands, long and lithe, gripped my thighs as he spread me apart, “Please hurry, Spencer.” 

“Oh sweetheart, I plan on taking my time with you. We’re going to figure out exactly what you like. And then some.” He said, sounding too much like a diabolical scientist for my liking. 

I licked my lips and then parted them and then let out a little breath. 

And then I felt my cheeks burn as Spencer’s knowing chuckle reached my ears. “I told you. You have a very obvious tell. I told you it was adorable.” He said in a hushed tone. “So fucking adorable.” 

“I would probably be even more adorable without my shorts on,” I quipped, grinning like I was pleased with myself. 

Spencer scoffed, running a hand up and down my leg until he reached the ruffled hem of my shorts. His fingers dipped underneath them, feeling my soft, untouched skin. “You mean this pathetic excuse for shorts? This tiny piece of fabric made with the premise of driving me fucking insane?” He cursed, his hand returned from underneath my shorts. This time he rested it against the waistband. “Where did you buy these?” He asked. 

“Target? I think? Like last summer. But there’s just sleep shorts. You can get them, like, anywhere.” He nodded, still staring at where his hand rested on my bare stomach. 

“So you’re not overly attached to this particular pair of shorts?” 

I shook my head, confusing coloring my face. But then I felt a ripping and noticed how Spencer’s face contorted with effort. In his hands he held scraps of fabric that used to be my shorts. 

“You did not just rip my shorts?!” I faux shouted, but it turned into laughter. “What was that, Spence?” I dragged him up by his shirt to yet again, kiss him. “My god, you’re such a dork.” 

“I thought you’d find it hot,” Spencer whispered sheepishly. His lips grazed across my lips, burning into my skin as he spoke. “But I’ll admit, it’s a bit out of character.” 

“Yes,” I nodded, still laughing, “It was hot, but out of character.” I knotted my fingers into his hair, brushing my lips against his face, searching for any bit of him to kiss. I felt him against my hip, the removal of the thin layer of shorts did little to hide his arousal from him, but it did make this feel all the more real. 

Spencer must have been able to read my mind, because his fingers bore into my waist and he ground down against me, sending that familiar friction down my lower belly and out through my toes. “Oh god, fuck.” I cursed, licking my lips as Spencer’s teeth nibbled against my collarbone. 

“More in character?” He teased, his tongue tracing against the dip in my neck. He smiled into it, unraveling me in one fell swoop. 

“Yes, yes,” I groaned, my hips thrusting upward to match his motions. “Are we…going to? Can we?” I panted into his mouth, so far gone that I could hardly care for the desperation that was laced in my voice. 

“Yes, Y/N.” Spencer cooed, his voice soft as he sank lower and lower down the bed. He stopped when his face was in line with my knees and kissed my rough kneecaps. “God, you don’t know how long I’ve waited to taste you. Can I? Can I taste you, Y/N?” 

“Yes, but I thought we were going to, you know…” I said, my voice trailing off with embarrassment. With Spencer I never felt as if I was this blundering late bloomer with a glaring V-card in her late twenties. But with that gorgeous man practically begging to eat me out, I felt completely lost. 

“We are.” Spencer clarified. “But penetrative sex sometimes isn’t enough for women to reach their climax. And considering this is your first time, I want you to be as relaxed as possible. So starting off with an orgasm, or two, usually helps with that.” 

Oh. 

“Cool.” I said, totally uncool. Spencer smiles, his fingers breaching apart my thighs as I give him the nod of approval. “You’re the expert on this I guess. I mean, at least before me. Not that you don’t know what you’re doing—” 

I stopped in my tracks when Spencer’s nimble fingers pulled down my underwear. His face is eye level with my center, that aches for his touch. He placed gentle kisses along the insides of my thighs. It’s like we’re a Rube Goldberg machine. His kisses, his nips, his wandering fingertips elicit a chain reaction of my drunken moans, my teeth biting my bottom lip, my hands grabbing fistfuls of bedding. Spencer’s agonizingly slow pace threatens to be the actual death of me. He teases me, his tongue darting closer and closer to my center. 

It has to be forever before he finally licks a straight line up my center. With careful trepidation tongue breaches my folds, unearthing a whole other universe of pleasure against my entire being. He pins my hips down, demanding my full attention and focus. 

“Was that alright?” Spencer asked, his breath shocking my core unnervingly. “Did you like that, sweetheart?” 

I knew by the tone of his voice that Spencer was teasing me. And I liked it. I knotted my fingers into his hair, pulling him closer to my core. His tongue swirled around my clit and I squirmed against his face. I whined into my fist, attempting to stifle my whimpers. 

“Don’t you dare,” Spencer ordered, snaking a hand that clutched around my wrist and brought it to my side. “I brought you to the woods for a reason, Y/N. There’s no one around. You can be as loud as you need to be, sweet girl.” 

“Oh my god, oh my god,” I whined, allowing the pleasure to envelope me in a warm embrace. “I feel so good, so good, Spence. Can-can you put a finger in? Please?” 

Spencer sneered at the question in my voice. Like there was a chance in hell that he’d deny my request. He slipped a finger into me and I instinctively tightened around him. Spencer’s voice shook with pleasure as he sung a string of swear words. 

“Take your bra off, sweetheart.” Spencer pleaded. “Touch your nipples for me. It’s an erogenous zone for women. Your pleasure will be intensified.” Scrambling to follow his instructions, I tossed my bra to the floor and watched a stunned Spencer stare at me. 

“Oh baby,” Spencer whispered, “You’re stunning. I could spend forever just staring at you.” He continued. “Do you like it when I have a finger buried inside this pretty pussy?” 

Spencer’s palm brushed against my clit as his finger pumped in and out. I couldn’t respond to his question, yet I believe that my pathetic, desperate moans answered sufficiently. He licked his lips, parted them, and then let out a little breath. I smiled. 

“You’re turned on.” I cooed, though it took all the strength in the world for me to string together the words to complete the sentence, “You did the thing.” 

“Yes, I’m turned on, Y/N. Jesus, is the sky blue. You’re just too beautiful for your own good. Look at you.” He brought his lips to my core again, his tongue entering me as his finger continued to draw out moan after whimper. 

“I think you like being full, baby.” Spencer assessed. “Would you like me to try another finger? Hmm? See how full you can be?” He asked, his eyes burned into my skin. It was like he was already replaying the memories of tonight in that amazing, brilliant brain of his. He watched me with a tenderness that I didn’t feel worthy enough to be viewed with. 

He slipped another finger into my center, filling me to the brim. I squirmed against his palm, the friction from the movement electrifying my clit as I whimpered into the crook of Spencer’s neck. He toyed with my nipples, alternating between quick, sharp touches and wet, soft kisses that drove me half insane and half drunk with need. 

“I–I think I’m close, Spencer.” I plead, as if I’m making a deal with the devil himself, when in reality I’m on the brink of Heaven being ushered over by my very own guardian angel. 

“I know you are, sweetheart. I can tell. Your heart rate is speeding up and you’re so tight around my fingers. I can feel you throbbing around me, baby. Just a little bit more. And you’ll come all over my face? Huh? For me. Get you nice and relaxed for my cock.” 

His crude words were a stark contrast to the gentle, yet firm way he coaxed her climax. Spencer’s steadfast way he guided her was evident through the bead of sweat that gathered against his brow. He studied her with deep concentration as she rode out her high. 

“That’s my girl.” Spencer praised. “That was so good, baby. How did that feel? We don’t have to go further if you don’t want to. It’s at your pace. Whatever you want, Y/N. At whatever speed you want.” 

God, if I hadn’t fallen in love with him already, I would’ve crashed from a skyscraper from that moment alone. 

“That was like nothing I’ve ever felt before.” I panted, dragging Spencer up to my lips for a kiss. I tasted my arousal on his lips, something that I never thought would be hot, but somehow with Spencer it was. He grinned with a self-satisfied smirk that told me he would want to do what he just did again and again till he either got bored of it or died doing it. “But I need you. Naked. Like yesterday.” 

Spencer chuckled. It vibrated through me. The sound of his laughter was enough to bring me back to life. I watched him, with my legs that felt like jelly, lift his gray cotton tee shirt and reveal his stomach and shoulders. It would take me several hands to count how many times I’ve hugged Spencer. He told me, in the beginning, that he was apprehensive of physical touch. But he, somehow, didn’t feel that way around me. I think it was because he felt safe with me. Whatever we shared, whether it was love or respect or a mutual sort of appreciation of each other, the one thing that ran constant was this sense of safety. Together, we lived without fear of judgment and ridicule. 

So when I saw Spencer without his shirt on for the first time, it wasn’t like I didn’t know what to expect. I could feel his body when I hugged him, when we laid on the couch together and he pretended to fall asleep so he could spend the night cramped on my small sofa for the sole purpose of being able to make me breakfast in the morning. I knew where his body was soft, where it was lean and lithe, where he felt so strong he could break me in two without really trying, where he felt gentle. 

Yet there was very little that could have prepared me for how Spencer looked without a shirt on. His hair was damp and I could smell my lavender soap that he stole. It clung to his neck and spread out in soft, brown waves. He wore gray sweatpants that hung low on his hips. My eyes were directed to the slight V that formed and the trail of hair that most definitely led to somewhere I wanted to discover, to claim as my own, to plant my flag on…

“The way you’re staring at me,” Spencer started, “It’s very dangerous.” He said, his voice lower than usual as he watched me. My knees were clamped together as I rubbed my thighs, desperate for the slightest bit of friction. I decided that I no longer wanted to wait for either Spencer’s permission or his advice because it certainly seemed that he got off making wait and it was probably time to take matters in my own hands anyway. 

I crawled to the edge of the bed, pulling Spencer forward by the drawstring of his sweatpants. Kissing along his stomach, I listened gleefully as his bodily responses to my ministrations. With an encouraging hand, he gently rubbed his thumb over my bare shoulder blade as my fingers reached his waistband. 

“May I?” I asked, suddenly understanding why he found consent so sexy. I wanted to hear him beg for me. “May I take off your pants, Spencer?” I asked again, biting my lip in a ridiculously sexy way that would have been funny if either of us wasn’t so turned on to realize it. 

“Yes,” Spencer sputtered out, as if his tongue was getting in the way of his speech. He bit his lip as my fingers reached into his sweatpants to reveal that he decided to forego underwear. “Holy shit, Y/N.” 

“I–I don’t know what I’m doing with that.” I confessed, as Spencer’s sweatpants fell to the floor in a heap. “It’s a little intimidating.” 

Spencer’s hand brushed my hair out of my face, “It’s okay. I’m so turned on that I’m not even going to need much. But I’ll show you, honey.” He reached down to hold my hand against his and then brought it to his erection. “There,” he said, the strain in his voice apparent. “Just like that. You can move your hand back and forth. Or…ah, that. Yes, that.” 

I brushed my thumb over the head of Spencer’s erection, watching with a small bit of pride as his face twisted in pleasure. He, however, had enough strength to reconnect our lips. His hand crawled up the back of my head and pulled me towards him. I continued to drag my hand up and down his hardness as he moaned into my mouth. My name sounded like a cursed prayer or a sacred swear against his lips. 

“I’m not gonna last, sweetheart. Your hand is too much as it is. I don’t think I’ll take it any much longer.” He pleaded against the expanse of my throat. Spencer left a collection of hickies as he let out a string of curses while I scrambled for the condoms I packed.  

Finally, I found them. I said a silent prayer to whatever deity out there that was okay with premarital intercourse for providing me with the forethought of splurging for the 24 pack of condoms. I tossed Spencer one, watching as he tore it open and rolled it onto his leaking erection with precision. 

“I’m ready for this, Spencer. Believe me, but I’m still just nervous. I know it doesn’t really mean anything. But it’s just…it’s silly. I know. But–” 

He interrupted me, hushing my fears with a kiss. “I’m not going anywhere after this happens, Y/N. I want to see you like this, all splayed out for me, so sexy and needy. I want to see you with toothpaste stains on your ratty college tee shirts and ridiculously tiny sleep shorts. I want to see you at work and have to pretend that I don’t know that you have these freckles under your left knee that look like Orion. I like you a lot. So much that I’m more than half sure that I’m already fully in love with you.” 

His fingers selfishly dug into my skin, marking me as his with greed and desire. I danced my fingers around his torso. If I could kiss every inch of him, I would with ease. I would’ve worshiped him sooner, knowing what he was hiding underneath his gray suits and striped sweater vests. With the way his eyes lit up as he gazed at my face, my neck, my chest, and then lower and lower, I actually felt myself fall in love with him.

It was with the ease of a well oiled machine’s gears falling into place that I fell in love with him. It was with the simplicity, yet wonder of a sunrise that I fell in love with him. It was with the joy of listening to him ramble about some arbitrary scientific topic that I didn’t know the first thing about that I fell in love with. 

“You’re a wonder, Spencer Reid.” 

He tsked, the vibrations tickled my shoulder as he kissed me over and over. I hummed in response as my hands snaked around his waist, wanting him as close to me as possible. Spencer caressed my breasts, pulling a pebbled nipple in between his thumb and pointer finger. His lightly calloused fingertips provided a delicious friction that caused me to cry out in pleasure. My hands found their home in Spencer’s hair, tugging his lips closer to mine. Just kissing him brought me to a state of pure bliss, I wasn’t entirely sure how I would handle what was to come. 

“Are you sure, Y/N?” Spencer asked, desiring my consent yet again. “You don’t have to do this just to please me. I’m entirely happy to have just done what we’ve done. I have a suspicion that eating you out is my favorite part.” 

I laughed with my head thrown back. It exposed my neck and Spencer took the opportunity to kiss and nibble along a rather sensitive patch of skin. I giggled and Spencer smiled, clearly pleased by my happiness in the situation. 

“I mean we could just do that again.” He offered with a shrug. I kissed him, bringing his head even with mine as I pulled both of us flush against the mattress. 

“I’m ready, Spencer.” I panted, wrapping my legs around his waist and rutting against him. I cried out at the friction, my will and resolve hanging on by a thread. He leaned down to whisper into my ear as he held himself steadily above me. 

“You’re ready?” 

“I’m ready. Don’t make me beg. It’s not cute, Spencer.” I puffed with a touch of annoyance, which Spencer found rather hilarious. 

“On the contrary,” Spencer observed, his eyes scanning my naked form, “I think you’re adorable when you beg. But if we’re being honest, I think I’m the one that’s desperate for you. For this. For us to be something.” 

“Fine. It’s cute when you do it.” I commented, brushing my fingers through Spencer’s hair as he smiled at me. “So you’re going to show me how to do this, right? Because I’m kind of lost by now.” 

“Of course, sweetheart,” Spencer said, his hands slipping down to my thighs and cupping underneath my knees. He spread me apart, kissing the soft skin of my inner thighs with an intense concentration. “I got you.” 

I gulped and licked my lips as Spencer breathed against my torso. “Why are you the one that seems nervous?” I asked, half joking, half serious. 

“You’re just too gorgeous for me. There’s so many things I want to do with you. But just looking at you is enough to drive me insane. You’re perfect. The most beautiful, funny, kind, wonderful, exciting girl I know. And you’re letting me….do this with you. Fuck, it almost makes me want to believe in miracles.” 

Spencer, lost in his passionate ramble, nearly lost it when I rutted my hips against him. I decided he needed me to show him my desire for him, rather than continue to talk about it, as he was hellbent on showing me. He whispered praises for me, for my body, for my mind and our future as he kissed along my lower belly. 

I nodded, the pressure that built in my belly was almost too much for me to bear. I cried out as I felt Spencer’s thumb rub tight, close circles around my clit. He positioned the head of cock against my core, teasing me as I whimpered against his shoulder. 

“Fuck…how doesn’t this already feel so good.” Spencer cursed, holding himself above me. He wrapped my leg around his hip as if the motion could lock us together perfectly. “I’m going to let you get adjusted. Remember, anytime you need me to stop just tell me.” 

“God, I’ll strangle you if you stop.” I panted, closing my eyes as Spencer’s cock inched deeper and deeper inside of me. I dug my hands into his shoulder, sure that I would leave bruises against his freckle speckled skin. 

“Kinky. I didn’t think you would’ve had it in you. Then again. I’ve seen your Kindle history.” He teased, his hand gripped my leg as he tightened his hold on me. 

“Enough about the lumberjack.” I panted with exasperation, much to Spencer’s enjoyment. He giggled against my collarbone as I concentrated on my breathing. I felt him fill me up, until he was fully buried inside of me. His talented, thin fingers continued to wreak havoc on my nerves. 

“I doubt he could make you feel this good, baby.” Spencer cooed, lifting my leg to increase the depth of how far he was buried inside of me. He opened his mouth in pleasure, desperate himself for the sacred bodily contact that existed between the pair of us. I yelped, the pressure that boiled in my lower belly burned with a fiery passion that was unfamiliar. 

“God, no. Fuck no.” I cursed, capturing Spencer’s lips in a toothy kiss. I felt the creases of his bottom lip against my tongue as I bit down. Spencer thrusted in and out of me, my folds dripping with heady pleasure. His thumb and index finger flicked and rubbed against my swollen clit as my cries cascaded around the room. 

His one hand remained at my leg, hoisting me up closer and closer to where our bodies met as one. He gripped my flesh with greed, as if he already knew I belonged to him, body and soul. Spencer’s nimble fingers speed up his ministrations against my clit as I clenched around his cock. He smiled, kissing me as he praised me for taking him so damn well. 

“That’s it. Fuck you’re so pretty with my cock buried inside of you, darling.” He sputtered, his one climax approaching as he edged me to the brink of pleasure only to rip the carpet out from underneath my feet. “You’re adorable if you think I’m going to let you go this easily. We’ve got the whole weekend for soft and sweet, Y/N. But right now, I want you to come around my cock so hard you see white. Can’t you do that for me, babe? Come for me.” 

His tongue traced my bottom lip, tasting me as he chanted my name over and over. His voice was husky with desire and I could smell my lavender shampoo as his hair tickled my nose and chin. 

Virginity is made up. It isn’t anything, really. And it went against every moral fiber of being to admit it, but as Spencer’s fingers worked against me and how his hips thrusted against my pelvic bone I knew that I belonged to him.

Yet it would make me a fool to not admit that he didn’t belong to me in the same way. I wrapped my leg tighter around his bottom, forcing our lower halves closer as we teetered oh so close to the edge. I felt hazy, as the lavender shampoo wafted over me, I begged to stay in it with Spencer. The lavender, the haze, the sound of his stifled moans as I clenched around him in a wanton desperation was all too much, yet it beckoned me forward.

“Come for me, Y/N.” Spencer urged, “Just like before, just like you do when it’s your fingers buried inside this pussy, wishing it was my cock.”  He mumbled the encouragement across my sweat-stained skin as I approached my climax. I felt my second orgasm approach as Spencer rested his forehead against mine, kissing my nose as his hip movements continued. I clutched his face, desperate for more kisses, for more skin touching skin, for more Spencer. 

“Spencer.” I panted, my orgasm causing my muscles to contract and release around Spencer’s pulsing erection. I felt him swallow a moan as he laced his fingers together with mine and kissed my knuckles. 

“Fuck.” 

He cursed. His lips dipped the hollow part of my throat. Spencer’s hips gave one, then two, and then three more sloppy thrusts as his cocked leaked into the condom. I felt a warmth that I had never felt before spread from my lower belly. A flush followed as Spencer’s fingertips traced against my breasts, causing my nipples to stand alert and pebbled. 

“That was perfect.” I whispered. I kissed Spencer’s shoulder and clung to him in the haze that settled between us. “It was different than I expected. I guess when you’ve waited so long you build it up in your head. But then I waited even longer after that. So, it was better than I ever could’ve imagined. So thank you.” I flushed, my cheeks ablaze under Spencer’s intelligent gaze. 

He continued to rub my nipple in between his index finger and thumb. I gave him the side eye, as if my single glance could read what he was thinking.

“Did you know that it’s possible for some women to have orgasms from nipple stimulation alone?” 

“We have the entire weekend, you know? Besides, I’d feel bad. You only came once and I had like two and a half.” 

“Pfft,” Spencer scoffed, “Who’s counting. Besides, I would much rather watch you come on my face or come from me playing with your nipples than me coming any day.”  

I rolled my eyes and kissed Spencer on the forehead. “You’re an anomaly, you know that, babe? Why not after we eat? I’m starving. Sex makes me hungry I guess.”

I hissed as Spencer pulled out. It took a second to get adjusted to the sensation of him not being deep inside of me. But there was something that told me I wouldn’t have to wait very long. 

“Studies show that we burn calories during sexual intercourse. A twenty-four minute session is said to have males burn 101 calories, while females burn 69 calories. And given that our session lasted quite a bit longer than twenty-four minutes, it’s safe to suggest that you’ve burned enough calories that it necessitates energy consumption in the form of food,” Spencer rambled, “Which makes me remember. You need to use the bathroom. UTIs and all.” He shuddered. 

“Yes, Doctor.” I giggled as I slid past him on the bed. His hand, big against my upper arm, clawed at my skin. “After the snack can we try something where you just wear jeans and suspenders? I mean you did bring me into the middle of the woods. We’re literally surrounded by nothing, but lumber. Why not put my wild imagination to good use?” 

—

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[lolasimms]

a lots gonna change pt.9

Summary: Married life isn’t great, infidelity ensues, and things change

I’m all of you guys’ mother and I will continue to feed you, also please don’t hate me :)

next chapter

The past four months and a half had been torture for you, it was as if there was an ongoing battle occurring in your brain. You were stuck between a rock and a hard place. The question; "Should I stay or should I go" engrained itself in your head. When finally you'd decided to go through with the divorce.

You'd had the support from your family and friends who assured you that you were doing the right thing. You'd gotten yourself a place not too far from your ex, to ensure Lila wasn't far from her. You had Lila during the week, with Ellie occasionally taking her for weekends, just until your custody date was settled. You'd both come to a mutual agreement that the best thing for the two of you was to seperate. However Ellie still had moments in which she would spiral and try and get you to take her back, but you never complied.

Your sister Nara took it upon herself to fly out to come support you and you couldn't have been happier to have her with you. With the support of her, Joel, Dina and Jesse you felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders,like you wouldn't have to be doing it all alone anymore. You also began seeing a therapist, except this time it was on your own, her name was Francine, and she was the best piece of solace you'd had. She'd truly made you feel like you'd be able to heal from all the damage that had been done.

Work was a great distraction, at first Abby had kept her distance and respected your need for space. Until you'd realised she only wanted to be there for you. You'd let her in, little by little only wanting to take things slow. Nothing sexual had happened between the two of you, as you still didn't feel right being touched by anyone other than Ellie. For years she was the only person you'd grown accustomed to and it frightened you to think about letting anyone other than her in.

Going through with the divorce was difficult but you only wanted what was best for Lila, and that was ending the relationship between you and Ellie and beginning a healthy co-parenting one. You knew getting back with Ellie would only mean you'd be in a relationship where you struggled with trust issues and insecurity. You just wanted the two of you to remain civil. That was exactly why you had decided not to fight Ellie for full custody, you'd give her an equal opportunity to bond and build a relationship with her daughter.

-

You can just take a seat over here Ms. Y/LN."  You we're still growing accustomed to not going by Ellie's last name, yours sounding foreign. The attorney as motions to the chair on his right. You hesitantly take a seat, then steal a quick glance at Ellie who is sitting across from you, her lawyer is seated to her left.

"Alright, we may start the proceedings now, Mr. Reynolds would you like to start" her defence asks, as he looks up at your lawyer.

"Sure, as displayed here my client is set on joint custody, with no asks for alimony or spousal support, she want's this to be fair and easy"

Ellie looks up at you in relief and visibly relaxes in her seat. You steal a glance at her but quickly look to the floor, to avoid making any further eye contact. You were a nervous wreck, the lump in your throat making you feel the need to scratch yourself, bite your nails, anything to make time pass.

"Ok, well if that is the case, Mrs. Williams would like to have her daughter on Friday to Sundays, due to work scheduling, is that okay with the defendant?" You nod your head at your lawyer, and he proceeds.

"Yes, my client is okay with that, however I'd like to discuss the deeds of the house. The two of them bought this house with the intent of sharing 50-50 assets, her name is on the papers so how would the defendant like to settle that?" You finally bring your gaze up to see Ellie, who's eyes were already on yours. She was fidgeting with her wedding ring, which she was still wearing despite your divorce being finalised weeks ago.

"My client doesn't mind, Mrs. Williams says Y/n can have the house, after all she will be the primary caretaker of their daughter" her lawyer says and you finally take it upon yourself to be vocal.

"I don't want it" you say, voice low and barely above a whisper, and your attorney turns to you with a glare. "We talked about this Y/n, this is a great deal for you" he whispers and you shake your head.

"No, I'd like for her to keep it, and I want my name off of the papers" you say aloud, and Ellie's hands visibly tense. It was the first time in months she had heard you speak more than three words. You try fighting back tears, but of course they come, flowing freely down your face and you wipe them in embarrassment.

"Alright, then that's settles it, anything else you'd like to discuss?" Her defence asks and your lawyer shakes his head no. The both of them stand up and shake hands, and your lawyer walks you out of the room, to congratulate you.

-

"Thank you Mr. Reynolds, I'm glad you were able to make it as easy and as fast as possible" He smiles and pats your shoulders.

"Please, call me Matt and its what I do, I'm just glad you got your clarity" his phone begins to vibrate and he picks it out of his pocket to respond.

"Im, sorry Y/N but it's my sons school I've got to get going, but I'm glad everything worked out in your favour"

"Thats fine, and once again thank you so much for everything" you wave him goodbye as he speed walks down the steps of the courthouse and you are left standing there in the heat, as you wait for your sister to come pick you up.

"Y/n?" you know who's voice it is, never in a million years would your forget her voice, and immediately you tense up at the touch of her hand that was on your shoulder.

"Can we talk?" Ellie asks, and you promptly remove her hand from your shoulder, leaving her red from embarrassment.

"I said everything I needed to, inside there Ellie" you refuse to make eye contact with her and she sighs desperately. She wears a simple black suit, the button of her blazer was left unopened and she had cut her hair a tad bit shorter than usual.

"I'm sorry, I don't know how many times I have to say it but I truly am sorry, I love you Y/n" she whispers, with tears in her eyes.

"You lied to me Ellie, we went to therapy and the whole time you were lying to me, you made me feel like a fool"

"I was doing it for your own good, I thought what you didn't know couldn't hurt you" You scoff and take a step down the stairs, desperately needing some space.

"Yeah cause it was 100 times easier to hear of your infidelity from Amelia" you spit, with sarcasm, the disdain for her ex-lover evident in your voice.

"I- Y/n she didn't mean anyth-" she tries but you cut her off swiftly.

"Don't fucking lie to my face and tell me she meant nothing, cause I know she did" Ellie sighs in frustration and runs a hand through her hair.

"I'm sorry" she whispers again, for what felt like the 1 millionth time.

"You can say sorry as many times as you'd like but I won't forgive you. You got the house, you've got your sanity and you get to see Lila, just let me be." You say and before she can continue, you get a message from Nara telling you she was here.

"I'm leaving now Ellie, I hope you're happy"

-

"Why the fuck, did you let her take the house?" Your sister was grilling you as the two of you sat on the balcony of her hotel room, sipping on red wine.

"Nara, that house, I couldn't take even if I wanted to, the memories are just too much." You confess, as you glance at the view of the waterfront. Her words are tuned out as you gaze at the sailboats, as they paraded down the canal. One by one, they went and you watched in awe as the catamaran's glided on the dark blue body of water.

"Y/n?"

"Y/n?" Nara calls a second time, but you are entranced by the sailboats.

"I think I wan't to buy a catamaran" you blurt out, as you are broken out of your trance and she stares at you in disbelief.

"You hate the water" she laughs as she pours, more wine into your half empty glass and you bring it to your lips, taking a sip.

"People change" you mutter under your breath, she proceeds to put her hand in yours and the rest of your evening is spent in comfortable silence, indulged in glasses of wine, and the sound of crashing waves and friendly chatter from the hotel bar.

-

"Momma, when is mommy coming back?" Lila questions, from the sofa, where she was seated with a small brown doll in her lap.

Ellie looks up from her laptop, where she was completing some documents from work and swallows thickly. This was the part that you and her hadn't discussed, the part where you find the right thing to say to your 3 year old kid.

"Mommy's not coming honey, she'll come pick you up tomorrow" she shuts her laptop lid, and walks over to the sofa to sit with her.

"But mommy and momma sleep together and I sleep in my bed?" She mumbles, the young girl trying to piece together why her mothers had stopped sleeping in the same house and bed.

"Now mommy and momma sleep in their own beds, my love" Ellie soothingly rubs her back and lifts her into her lap. Where the rest of the movie they watch is complete in sheer silence. Lila falls asleep, on the sofa and she takes her up to the room, to sleep with her as she couldn't bare the feeling of being alone.

"I love you honey, when I'm awake and when I sleep, I love you" she whispers into her daughters hair, as she kisses her goodnight.

-

"Pink please, momma" Lila says as she holds her hand out. The two of them had been playing all afternoon and she couldn't have been happier. If it weren't for the time she got to spend with her daughter she wasn't sure she'd survive the separation.

"Here you go baby" Ellie immediately grabs the thick crayon and places it in the toddlers hand and she accepts it graciously.

"Ok, almost done, don't look yet" she says in a serious tone, and she knows to not look, as the last thing she needed was a tantrum from her sassy daughter.

"Pleaseee, can I look now?" She asks and Lila sighs dramatically and lifts the paper quickly to her chest.

"Ok fine, ready?" Ellie nods and when Lila turns the paper towards her with a nervous giggle.

"Wow... it's beautiful honey" She can feel tears brimming from her eyes and she has to fight to keep them from spilling. She had drawn a messy yet clear picture of the three of you holding hands. With the labels "Momma" "Mommy" and "Me".

"Do I get to keep it, baby?" She asks as she lifts her from the stool and pulls her into her embrace and she nods with a wide grin on her face.

Shortly after she had packed up the crayons and began to pack up her toys, Ellie was startled by a few knocks at the door. Lila perks up from the couch and runs over to the door and she has to speed walk to stop her from answering it.

"Mommy!" The toddler screams as she reaches her hands up for her mother and you instantly pick her up, showering her in kisses. She then notices her aunt and does the same, to which Nara pecks her cheek and smiles.

"Hi Y/n, Nara good to see you again" Nara ignores her and you mutter a simple "Hi" as you avoid eye contact, something you had started doing ever since the day you had found out about her cheating.

"Is her bag packed?" You ask and she mentally curses herself for forgetting that you'd be coming to pick Lila up so soon.

"Uhhh no, but I can do it real quick"

"It's fine, she'll get them next time" you trail off as you nervously look too your sister who nods. She looks at the both of you and you hand Lila to Nara.

"Lila say bye to your mom" Nara finally speaks and the young child kisses Ellie goodbye and is led off to the car by her aunt.

"Can we talk Ellie?" You ask and her heart rate speeds up, she's not sure if you had forgiven her, or if you had changed your mind on the divorce but she had positive hopes, as this was the first time since the split that you had asked to speak to her alone.

-

"So you bought a house?" She tries to make sense of your words.

"Yeah, it's not far from here so we don't have to drive too long and it's close to her preschool." She nods at your words and shifts uncomfortably, the silence killing the both of you.

"So I'll be coming back tomorrow to come pick up all my stuff, her stuff can stay here, I'll buy her new shit that'll stay at my place" you say.

"I wish you didn't have to do all of this, Y/n" she finally breaks her silence and you're left scoffing.

"I did this? That's rich coming from the person who cheated on me" you laugh maniacally as she looks at you in disbelief.

"I know, it's my fault. I can't even apologise because I know it won't make a difference but I won't stop fighting to get you back." You shake your head and get up, having had enough of her words.

"I mean it Y/n I'm not going to stop until I get you back"

"Good luck with that Ellie"

-

Abby was in her office when she'd gotten a text from your personal contact. You'd never texted her from your personal phone before so she was surprised. The past few months the two of you had spent friendly time together. She knew you'd wanted space, to take things slow, so she gave you exactly that. She didn't want to screw her only chance up.

'Can you come to my office please, it's urgent.'

She was worried something had happened so immediately she got up and rushed to your office down the hall. She knocked on the door and heard a light "Come in" As soon as she entered you'd gotten off of your seat walking towards her. You grabbed her face down towards yours and began kissing her fervently. She was stuck in place, not believing if this was real or she was dreaming. You were desperately clawing at her biceps, pulling her towards the sofa that was against your office wall.

"What's this about?" She mumbles into your mouth as you push your tongue into her mouth, grinding against her vigorously.

"It's a celebration, I'm a free woman and I think it's time I let you fuck me" Her stomach lurches at your words and she can't help but let out a hard moan.

"Should we be doing this here, what if someone comes in" she smiles as she unbuttons your satin blouse, peppering kisses against your neck.

"We can discuss all the ways that this is wrong after you've thoroughly fucked me" you don't know what's gotten into you, but you needed to feel her inside you or else you’d combust.

You were tired of waiting. Ellie had had her fun for five months straight, so why couldn't you? You'd waited until your divorce, kept Abby hanging but that was not how things were going to go now. It was finally time you focused on what was good for you.

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[run-me-through-but-not-like-that]

Super Secret Services

Summary: Izzy sees a sex worker but not for what you might expect. He finds himself paying for your services every time he is in port, only the lines between fantasy and reality begin to blur until he can’t tell what’s real and what’s not.

Word Count: 9414

The room was filled with quiet chatter and the clinking of cups. Things were relatively slow for an afternoon but it was normally quieter than the evenings, that’s when everything normally picked up.

The establishment you worked in was far from your worst option. It wasn’t anything special but it was held in good regard on the port it was located in, the people you worked with were like a family, and the madame that ran the place cared about those who worked for her.

You were tucked away in a corner, talking to one of the girls you worked with, Val. The two of you pressed close to each other to share private conversation in a room where privacy wasn’t often given.

“I’m telling you, I think you have a bit of a regular now,” you insisted. The same man had been by once a week for nearly a month now, and always waited until Val made an appearance to approach anyone.

Val just hummed, glancing over at the familiar man. “He’s not too bad. Knows what he wants and leaves decent tips,” she shrugged.

“Ah, good man,” you laughed a little to yourself.

She laughed along lightly but her face only truly brightened when he looked over your shoulder. You just cocked an eyebrow at her questioningly.

Val inched a little closer, her smile morphing into a small smirk. “Look who just wandered in,” she nudged you. You rolled your eyes fondly but still subtly looked over your shoulder, seeing the one and only Israel Hands walking into the mainroom. “Your boyfriend’s back,” she teased in a sing-song voice.

“Boyfriend,” you huffed, turning back to her with a glare, “shut up.”

“Aw, I think it’s cute. He won’t even talk to anyone but you,” Val continued.

“Knows I can give him what he needs,” you winked, making her laugh. Once her laughing died down, your expression turned serious. “Seriously though, remember what I said?”

“Not a word about the first mate,” she vowed, just as serious, “can’t help but notice the pattern, though.”

This wasn’t Hands’ first visit to you or this establishment but he appeared to keep those visits a secret. When he had first sought you out, he had paid extra and stressed just how confidential he expected this to be. Of course, you had agreed, but other people who you worked with were bound to notice his repeated appearances. Thankfully, your line of work included a lot of secrecy and confidentiality, so nobody had a problem with keeping it to themselves.

“Gotta go,” you give Val a smile before turning away from her. Val chuckled to herself, fixing up her hair before getting back to work.

Izzy was sat at the bar, ordering himself a drink. You sauntered over casually, leaning against the bar with a cocked hip, just a couple inches too close to the older man. “First mate Hands,” you greeted him with a smile.

“Afternoon,” Izzy nodded back politely. You bit back a bigger smile. He could be so adorable, barely even able to look at you.

“Sammy!” you called the young bartender over. He slid over with a smile. “I’m gonna head up to my room for a bit if anyone asks for me, it’s kinda slow around here.”

“No worries, I’ll let them know,” Sammy nodded, sweet and knowing. You thanked him and gave Izzy a meaningful look before heading up to your room.

It wasn’t long, but an appropriate amount of time later that left room available for plausible deniability, before Izzy walked into your room. He didn’t greet you, only looked over to acknowledge you sitting on the foot of your bed. He locked the door behind him, shutting the world out.

“You look stressed, love,” you were in front of him in an instant, stepping into his space and loosening the collar of his shirt. The click of the door’s lock triggered the beginning of the session, meaning you were allowed to touch him.

“Always stressed,” Izzy murmured, watching your hands as you worked.

“I’m sure, you have a very stressful job,” you sympathised. It was true, Izzy always came in here stressed, but there was something different this time. “Something new happened recently?”

“...boss has a new plan, I suppose. Working with a new crew,” he told you as you finished undoing the top couple of buttons of his shirt and loosened his cravat.

“They any good?” you asked, smoothing your hands over his chest.

“Terrible. Half of them aren’t even sailors, the captain is a rich ponce who just bought a ship and gives the crew a wage.” Izzy was so much more willing to talk than he was during his first visit, having asked for silent company rather than anything else. He opened up so much more these days, trusting that you kept your mouth shut.

“A wage is generous,” you hummed. “Not the way things are usually run though. You working for this new captain?”

“They’re trying to talk me into it, can’t see myself ever answering to that man,” Izzy scoffed. You bit back a small smirk, seeing his stubbornness raising to the surface. “Doesn’t matter though,” he sighed, sounding far too defeated for your liking. 

“‘Course it does,” you insisted, hands stroking down his arms, resting against his elbows. “Why do you think it doesn’t matter?”

“The captain doesn’t respect me, neither does his crew,” he told you.

“What? You’re Israel Hands, how can they not respect you at least a little based on that alone?” you asked, face scrunching up in genuine confusion.

“They don’t care. Don’t fucking listen,” Izzy shrugged. He was tense, clearly he needed a little trip to this port.

“Alright. Would you like a choice?” you offered. Izzy nodded, relaxing a little like a physical weight had been lifted from his shoulders. “Do you want to talk about this some more or do you want to get comfortable and forget it for a while?” you asked kindly, making sure to speak in a way that didn’t influence his choice. Izzy always seemed to find these things easier when you gave him choices rather than open ended questions, you had learnt that pretty quickly about him.

Izzy let out a breath, relaxing further. “Get comfortable,” he decided.

“Can I remove a few layers?” you asked and he nodded.

All that leather just couldn’t be comfortable, he had to be overwarm in the middle of the Caribbean, but he always came in wearing the same thing. You carefully unbuttoned his waistcoat, removing it and folding it before putting it down. Then you removed his cravat, something he hadn’t let you touch during your first session but now trusted you to do so. You folded the ring in his cravat and placed it safely down with his waistcoat.

Taking Izzy by the hand, you led him over to the bed and sat him down on the edge. He just watched as you knelt down in front of him and removed his boots, you slid them off and neatly placed them by the bottom of the bed.

“There we go, darling,” you smiled as you stood again.

Izzy didn’t speak, just let you arrange the blankets and fluff the pillows before making yourself comfortable. You gestured for him to join you and he did, lowering him down by your side. You guided him a little closer, encouraging him to relax even more. He followed, draping himself over you and dipping his face down against your neck as you played with his hair.

Despite the type of profession Izzy had sought out all that time ago, cuddling while mostly fully clothed was the most physically intimate thing the two of you had ever done during his visits to your room

You could remember the first time he approached you, it would be pretty difficult not to remember being approached by Blackbeard’s first mate.

It was an afternoon like any other, you hadn’t even noticed him walk in. You did, however, notice him sitting alone at his table in the back corner, nursing his drink. He was assessing the room, waved off anyone that approached him but wasn’t particularly rude about it. He looked like he wanted to be left alone, so you didn’t approach to offer him some of your time. You remember thinking it was a bit of a shame. He was handsome, you wouldn’t have minded spending an hour or two with him.

It was Sammy who had told you exactly who that man was, always being up to date with the latest coming and goings on this port. Israel Hands, Blackbeard’s first mate. It only increased your interest in him but he did not look like he was looking for company, so you kept away to lessen your risk of being maimed.

It must have been about an hour after you noticed him that he approached you, pulled you to the side. A part of you actually expected him to ask for directions or something, maybe to see your madame, maybe they had business together. Instead he asked if you respected the idea of client confidentiality, you assured him you did, of course. Anything the two of you did during your time together, unless somebody got injured, would be completely private and wouldn’t leave those four walls.

You still don’t know what he saw when he assessed you after that, but it must have been what he was looking for because he asked to speak in your room. It wasn’t standard procedure but you figured you could make an exception for such a well known name, so you led him to your room. He had placed a large purse coin down, more than a client would normally pay, and you found yourself almost worrying about what he wanted from your services.

Then, he asked you to sit with him. To just…be in each other’s company. He was stiff, sat at least a foot away from you. You were half way through the hour he was paying for when you first touched him, just a hand against his shoulder. He seemed like he needed that touch…something soft and kind.

It was almost miraculous to you that the man you met that day was the same man that lay with you now, face pressing closer to your neck with your hand buried in his hair.

“I haven’t seen you this tense since the first time you came to see me,” you massaged his scalp “I hope things begin to get easier soon, love, or at least get back to normal.”

“Can we…just not talk for a while. Just want to…feel…” Izzy requested, which thrilled you a little. Asking for something so vulnerable, it felt like some sort of progress. Even if you still weren’t completely sure what it was that the two of you were doing together.

“Of course, sweetheart,” you agreed, pressing a kiss to the crown of his head. You heard him let out a surprised little breath but didn’t comment on it.

The two of you lay in silence for a moment. He had relaxed against you but his muscles were still tense under your hands. Izzy had never actually fallen asleep in your room before and, while you thought he looked in need of a nap, he didn’t seem to be trying to fall asleep now either.

“Do you want me to call for a bath or do you just want to lay here?” you asked. A good soak could really help with all that tension.

Izzy was quiet for a moment, you knew by now that meant he was thinking. You didn’t rush him. “...a bath sounds good,” he whispered.

“Gonna take good care of you, love,” you vowed. Izzy smiled against your neck, tucking his face in a little closer in an attempt to hide it. He believed you, because you always did. Ever since you first lay a hand on his shoulder, you seemed to know what he needed.

-

A month later, the Revenge docks at the familiar port. Izzy moves like he’s in a trace, just going through the motions, but his feet know exactly where to take him. He trudges off of the busier streets and slips through the door of the small establishment, taking a seat at the bar.

He orders his drink but just stares at it, the chatter around him fading into a constant buzzing sound. A hand settles against his shoulder, feeling heavier than it actually was. It made everything in Izzy’s body tense until he caught a faint familiar scent, it was whatever you usually wore. A perfume or lotion of some kind, a smell that Izzy had come to associate with comfort.

“-I’ll be in my room.” He caught the end of your sentence and then your hand was lifted, the only thing anchoring him to his seat. Without it, he felt like he might float away.

Normally he would leave some time before following you up, just long enough for plausible deniability, but this time he didn’t wait. Couldn’t even consider it. He left his full cup on the bartop and slipped from his seat, heading up to your room.

You weren’t on the other side of the room when he entered, you were right by the door, quick to lock the door and usher him inside. His dazed state continued but he felt the plush give of your mattress as you sat him down.

“Izzy, you with me?” you asked steadily, hands gentle against his shoulders, just enough pressure for him to know that you were there.

Izzy nodded weakly. He could hear you, but he didn’t seem quiet with you. Something about him felt so absent.

“Breathe with me, okay?”

You crouched down in front of him so that he would meet your gaze, taking his hands in yours. He gave another small nod and followed you through some breathing exercises, trusting you to lead him in the correct direction.

After a couple of minutes, though Izzy really didn’t have much sense of the time that passed, he was feeling more grounded and present. He wasn’t on the Revenge anymore or wandering through town. He was inside your room, his hands in yours. The place he felt safest in this port.

“Izzy…what happened?” you asked, nothing but worry and concern on your face.

“...Bonnet left,” was the only answer you got, his voice void of any emotion.

Bonnet, the other captain they had been sailing with. Izzy didn’t like talking about it but it had been obvious that he didn’t like the man, you would have thought that him leaving would be a good thing.

“Okay…okay, and what else?” you asked carefully, just wanting to understand, wanting to know how to help.

“Edward he…he’s different. He’s hurt and…fuck…” his voice caught in his throat, voice cracking slightly.

“Alright, love, it’s okay. You’re safe here, just breathe with me,” you were quick to soothe him again, an instinctual reaction to his distress.

“Come on, lets get some of these suffocating clothes off.” 

When Izzy didn’t protest, you slowly removed his waistcoat and cravat, just like you usually did. The only difference was you being a little more on watch for signs of protest or discomfort than usual.

Then you moved onto his boots, removing one and then the other. As you slid off his second boot, you saw the bandage wrapped around his foot. You frowned to yourself, thumb tracing the edge of the bandage. Was he missing a toe?

“Oh…what happened?” you weren't sure if you would get an answer and you wouldn’t push if he didn’t want to talk about it.

“It doesn’t…” Izzy was going to dismiss it, brush you off, but then he looked down at you properly, made the mistake of meeting your gaze. You were looking up at him through your lashes with sad, caring eyes. Fuck, if he didn’t know any better he’d think you actually cared. “It was Edward,” he found himself almost unable to lie to you, “punishment for Bonnet leaving.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” you knew better than to discuss that mess with him, but you made sure to give him the sympathy he deserved. “Does it still hurt?”

“Yeah, it’s healing alright, though,” Izzy admitted.

“I’m so sorry, Izzy,” you whispered, pressing a kiss to the side of his ankle, short and tender. Izzy choked on a silent gasp, but you moved on like it was nothing. “Do you want to talk about it?” you asked.

“No…no, please.” He couldn’t talk about it, he just couldn’t. Right now, he just wanted you to do whatever it was you did that made everything feel manageable again.

“Then it won’t be mentioned again, love,” you promised before releasing his injured foot.

You stood again but remained close. You undid a few buttons of his shirt, hoping it might help him feel like breathing was a little easier.

“Want to lie down?” you asked. Simple choices were probably the best thing to offer him right now.

“Please,” Izzy breathed out.

The two of you found yourselves huddled up in the centre of the bed like you usually did, cradling Izzy close to your body. “I’ve got you, Izzy. Just close all of that out for now. That’s out there, in here it’s just us,” you reminded him softly. 

Outside was cold and dangerous and difficult, but in here it was warm and soft and safe.

It was like you flipped a switch, Izzy snapping and finally letting the dam break. The first broken cry he let out made your chest again, you had never seen him this bad before. He sobbed into your neck, letting out everything he was feeling. You didn’t care that he was wetting your clothes or pillows, you only held him tighter.

You weren’t keeping an eye on the time as he cried, just focused on soothing the way his body shook. When the tears dried and the shaking stopped, you wiped the left over wetness from his face and kissed his forehead.

“Sleep, love. You need it.”

Izzy knew it wasn’t a good idea to fall asleep in your bed but he didn’t have it in him to protest or tell you all the reasons why he shouldn’t. He finally let the exhaustion flood over him and sink into his bones. He fell asleep in your arms.

When Izzy leaves that session, it was reluctant, a look of longing and dread mixing in his features. He left a larger tip this time than usual, as if you needed monetary reparations for holding him through his breakdown. You supposed he was just paying you for a service and you certainly didn’t make a habit of forgetting that with clients, but you couldn’t deny when real connections formed and occurred.

-

Two months passed with no sign of Izzy. It was uncommon these days to not see the man on his nearly timetabled visits, but you tried not to let it bother you, tried not to let the others see the way you scanned the bar for the familiar leather. He was a pirate and a client, it wasn’t something you should even think about, certainly not something you should dwell on. But the state he had been in when you last saw him…

“Your leather clad little man hasn’t dropped by for a while,” Mark commented one morning, managing to catch you alone.

“Do you all know about him?” you asked with a small huff. First Val, now Mark.

“He kinda stands out,” Mark defended himself.

“Oh, we’re talking about your pirate?” Val asked, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. You just sighed, accepting your nosy co-workers. “Something go wrong last time?”

Despite how concerned you had been for Izzy after his last visit and how it had sat in the back of your mind, you hadn’t spoken a word to any of your friends. You had promised that much to Izzy and you would respect that.

“He’s just a client,” you insisted petulantly.

“Maybe so, but you at least care about him somewhat,” Mark pointed out as if it was obvious. You just glared at him. “You know that young, quiet fella that comes in here?” you sighed and nodded, letting him make his argument. “He’s a sweetheart. Ain’t gonna fall in love with him or nothing, but I wish him the best. Kinda care about what happens to him,” he admitted with a small shrug.

“Fine, alright…I guess I’m just worried,” you confessed.

“Worried?” Val frowned a little. They knew he was a pirate, a pretty renowned one, but you had never seemed overly worried about him being at sea before.

“He normally comes in about once a month, right?” you recalled and they nodded knowingly. “His ship circles back here regularly, he comes here when they dock. It’s a little strange they haven’t stopped by for two months and last time he admitted that the situation was a little…uncertain,” you didn’t want to give too many details, nothing about Izzy’s condition, but your friends wanted to support you and maybe you needed their support.

“Think something happened to him?” Mark asked.

“Maybe. Something was just so wrong last time I saw him, y’know? Can’t quite let it go,” you dragged your hand over your face. You had never gotten attached to a client. You’ve had sympathy for them in certain circumstances, you were all human after all, but never like this.

“Hey, we’re here for you,” Val’s voice was soft and comforting as she embraced you, letting you deflate against her.

-

It was another two months later because a familiar leather clad figure walked into the main room.

You were perched on the edge of a table, speaking with a group of men, giggling at their shitty jokes and batting your lashes at them. Glancing over at the door when you heard it had become a habit for you, so it wasn’t surprising that you saw him almost immediately.

At the sight of the familiar man, you froze. You felt like your body was buzzing. “If you excuse me gentlemen, I think I need to get myself a drink,” you tried to maintain your sultry expression as you slipped off of the table. You think you managed to play it pretty cool. “I’ll send some of my friends over?”

The men all gave an affirmative, cheering among themselves. You flashed them a final wink before spinning and crossing the room, instantly forgetting all about them.

Izzy was standing by the bar, but he just waved Sammy away when he asked what he wanted. He turned at the sound of footsteps, there was only one person here who bothered approaching him anymore.

“My room?” Normally you would be so direct, would play the little game you usually do, but something felt like that was necessary this time. It didn’t feel like it was expected.

Izzy nodded.

You turned on your heel, hearing your blood rushing in your ears as you walked up to your room. Izzy didn’t linger behind, only a few steps behind you. You entered the room first and he locked the door before just looking at you, seeming unsure of himself. Your routine had been disturbed, he didn’t know where he stood. All he knew when the ship docked at this port was that there was only one place he actually wanted to go.

“You’re alive,” you observed intelligently.

“You thought otherwise?” Izzy asked, though he didn’t actually sound very offended or surprised. It was a valid risk in his line of work.

“Honestly, I wasn’t sure. After what you said last time and it being so long…I was worried,” you confessed. You always wanted him to be open and vulnerable with you, it only felt fair to offer some of the same.

Izzy frowned a little. “Worried?” 

He was…surprised? Confused? “Of course, I was worried, Izzy,” you rolled your eyes fondly, shaking your head in disbelief. Could you spend so much time with somebody in such a vulnerable state without coming to care for them in some way?

“Well, uh…I’m alright,” Izzy reassured, like he had never had to do that before. Not sincerely anyway. 

“Good,” you smiled, hoping that he knew that you truly were happy he was alright. “What happened? If you don’t mind me asking,” it had been bugging you for months now but you knew there was a good chance Izzy wouldn’t want to talk about it.

“Edward didn’t want to stop at ports for a while, I won’t get into it. Bonnet came back and things were…I wasn’t sure how things were going to go,” Izzy admitted, something close to fear flashing on his face. A memory of the Gentleman Pirate’s return. “Guess things have just gone back to normal, they finally decided to stop by a port and restock properly, repair the ship. Things are…still getting figured out, it’s unstable but…it’s better.”

“And you?” As pleased as you were to hear that things appeared to be looking up for his crew, you were more concerned about how he was.

Izzy blinked at you, head tilting ever so slightly to the side. “What do you mean?”

“How are you?”

Izzy seemed to consider it for a moment. He was a lot of things, had been a lot more things over the last few months, most of which he had tried to repress and push down as deep as possible. “...tired,” he admitted, shoulders dropping.

You smiled affectionately, a little sadly. “Let’s get you some rest then, yeah?” you both knew what that meant.

“Yeah,” Izzy sighed, giving his assent.

You worked in silence as you carefully went about your routine, stripping him of his more confining layers. As you removed his boots, you sneaked a peek at his two to see that it was more healed than when you last saw it.

You lay him down on plush pillows and blankets before joining him on the bed, caressing his cheek. Izzy let out a soft breath, leaning into your warm touch. “Glad to have you back, Iz,” you whispered out into the silence, “I missed you.”

It makes him ache, that somebody might actually be able to say those words to him and actually mean it. It was those moments that he craved the most with you, and yet they were the same moments that most reminded him that you were being paid for just this.

He couldn’t take his eyes away from yours as you brushed your thumb over the tattoo under his eye. You shifted forward and then your lips were touching his. The kiss was light and tender, chaste even. Izzy still gasped into it, still stared at you like you hung the stars when you pulled back from him.

“Let’s get you comfy,” you smiled, letting him curl up into your embrace.

-

Izzy’s next visit was about a month later, and you were pleased to see that your usual schedule seemed to be returning. He also seemed more like himself than he was on his last two visits, and that pleased you as well. He was always stressed, you were beginning to think it was in his nature, but he seemed less stressed this visit. Maybe things back on his ship and with his crew were doing better these days.

You didn’t go about your normal routine of telling Sammy that you would be in your room where Izzy could overhear so he could join you a few minutes later. He just followed you up. 

When offered a nap or a bath, Izzy chose a bath. It both surprised and pleased you, he seemed to enjoy his bath the last time you offered one. 

You had the tub filled with warm water and set up the room divider to offer some privacy. Izzy disappeared behind the divider and sank down into the bath.

You listened to the movement of water from the otherside of the divider. “Mind if I come around?” you asked. You had seen him bathe that last time, gave him privacy to climb into the tub before sitting with him just the same, but still thought it best to ask.

“Sure.”

You rounded the divider with a smile and sat on the stool beside the tub. “Want some help?” you offered.

Izzy considered it for a moment. You thought it was such a big step that he was even considering it, if you had offered such an intimate gesture during his first couple of visits he surely would have ran from the room. 

He had only bathed in your room once before and you hadn’t touched him during it, just sat and talked with him while he soaked. Izzy took a moment to remind himself that you had always been beyond respectful of his boundaries, only wanting to give what he wanted to receive.

“Yeah, okay,” Izzy nodded and you tried not to let your glee show.

You hummed quietly to yourself as you worked, first starting with his hair. Lathering the shampoo and massaging it into his scalp. Izzy found himself drifting away under your touch, a fuzzy feeling appearing in the back of his head. You were really good at this, he couldn’t remember the last time somebody washed his hair for him. Must have been when he was a very young boy.

Once his hair was cleaned, you moved on to washing his body. You took your time, taking things slow, making sure you didn’t surprise him with any touches, that he could always anticipate where your hands were going next.

You knew he was hard, you couldn’t pretend you didn’t. Your hand had brushed against him as you dragged the soapy cloth over his stomach. It had made his breath hitch loudly but neither of you commented on it, letting it pass as an innocent accident.

Once you were satisfied with your job, you placed the cloth down over the side of the tub but dipped your hand back into the water. It was still warm but cooling. Your fingertips grazed against his knee, making Izzy twitch but he didn’t comment on it, just watched you. 

Slowly and softly, you slid your hand up the inside of his thigh. Before your hand could reach the very top of his thigh, Izzy caught you around your wrist and you stopped immediately, meeting his gaze.

“You make the rules, Iz, you set the boundaries. Will only do what you want,” you reminded him, soft but serious.

Izzy assessed you for a moment, eyes flickering over your features. He must find what he was searching for because he slowly released your wrist and took his hand away.

“Will you let me make you feel good, Iz?” you asked, still not wanting to progress without clear consent. Izzy nodded, you smiled softly. “Need to hear you say it.”

“Yeah…” Izzy’s voice was quiet but it didn’t shake, he sounded sure.

“Thank you, love.”

He nearly fucking passed out. Did you just fucking thank him? Thank him for letting you touch him, letting you get him off, what the fuck?

Your hand was soft and your hold was just firm enough. Your touch was sweet and slow, nothing about it feeling rushed. Izzy gasped out, more from surprise than anything. He’d been tugged off before, it was…fine. This was better somehow.

“Can I kiss you?” you asked.

Izzy nodded and was rewarded with two things. Your mouth against his and a twist of your wrist, he gasped into your mouth again.

The way you kissed him was deep and slow, all consuming. It set his nerves on fire, his hands gripping on the edges of the tub. He could touch you, he supposed, didn’t think you would scold him for it, but still avoided it. 

Instead, he just let himself lose himself to the sensations you provided. Your kisses trailed over his jaw and neck, covering every inch of flushed skin, but they were always soft and sweet, never hurried or biting. Like you were fucking savouring it.

It wasn’t long, almost embarrassingly quick, before Izzy felt the fire curling in his belly. You just praised him for his release, smiling sweetly at him. You worked him through his high, pulling your hand away just as overstimulation began to creep in.

You took the dirtied cloth to quickly clean him up again before pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

“Come on, let’s get you in bed.”

Izzy followed your lead, stepping out of the bath and drying off. He only put his smalls back on before climbing into the bed, the most undressed he had ever been in your sheets.

You lay on your back, cradling his head against your chest and playing with his hair. Izzy just lay there, being held by you, his mind racing. He couldn’t help but feel like he had tarnished something.

He was under no illusions about what this was but he had felt like your little arrangement was somewhat…pure. You both understood what you had, what you were doing, and now he felt like it was tainted. And it was his fault. He had ruined this.

This was literally your job, to be whatever he paid for, right? It was his own fault for feeling some sort of connection that didn’t actually exist, that you had fabricated by his request. If he didn’t feel pathetic before, he did now. Surely, getting off was what most people aimed for when hiring your services, it was his fault for asking for something different. He could keep playing along but he was worried that you would assume he had gotten what he came for, that all of these visits had just been some elaborate build up to his orgasm. But, surely, if he just kept paying you…you would still do all the things he liked, right? The company, the gentle touches, you would still hold him and let him talk, right?

You sighed as his breathing evened out and Izzy fell asleep on you. You planted another kiss to the top of his head, just for yourself. You didn’t think you would have it in you to wake him when the time came, he just looked so peaceful.

It really had been difficult for you to bring yourself to wake him when the time came but you knew you had to, he would only be leaving stressed if he was off schedule. So, you woke him up gently and helped him dress just to see his face heat up.

You saw him out like you usually do but this time you asked for another kiss before he left. He granted your request, even though he didn’t understand why you would even make the offer when your time was up.

The kiss was just as gentle as the one you previously gave him, a little more chaste. It was sweet and tender, and left the first mate reeling as he made his way back to the ship, feeling looser than ever.

-

As soon as Izzy was dismissed for his shore leave about a month later, he waited for the chattering crew to diverse before making his way to his usual spot. He knew the route like the back of his hand.

He went about his usual routine, setting up at the bar and ordering a rum that he may or may not drink. Of course, he noticed as soon as he was through the door that you weren’t there in the main room. He could wait, though. 

Izzy tensed as two forms came up on either side of him. “They’re in their room, it’s they’re day off,” the young man on his left told him.

Izzy paused, looking between the two of them. A young man and a young woman on his other side, both vaguely familiar. They worked with you, had probably noticed he was a regular of yours. Best not to ask many questions.

“Right,” Izzy nodded as he stood from the stool, making to leave the little establishment. 

“Hold on!” the young woman stopped him. “You should go see them,” she advised.

Izzy squinted at her, “...they’re not working today.”

“Listen, man, I’ll give you one piece of advice,” the man placed a hand on his shoulder, only confusing Izzy further. “Ask ‘em out.”

Izzy pulled abruptly away from the other man’s touch. “What the fuck are you talking about?” He couldn’t help but feel like he was being mocked.

“Just do it,” the man rolled his eyes.

“You know their room,” the woman winked before dragging the man off with her, leaving Izzy thrown and confused.

As Val dragged Mark away, he complained about people being dense while she chastised him and told him to ease up on the whole thing a little.

Izzy shook his head, trying to be reasonable. They probably just meant that you might take the job anyway, he did tip well after all. He might as well give it a shot, could always blame your friends if you laughed in his face.

He trudged up the stairs and came to your door, reconsidering before convincing himself to just knock on the door. He barely had to wait before the door was pulled open.

“Izzy?” you were clearly surprised to see him but your face also lit up at the sight of him. Izzy just wasn’t sure what to make of that.

“Sorry, I know it’s your day off. Two of your friends, I think, sent me up,” Izzy felt the need to explain himself.

“That was probably Val and Mark,” you sighed, not all that surprised that they had to get themselves involved. “So, what’s up?”

“I, uh…I don’t know, I guess.” You still couldn’t help but be endeared by him.

“Well, like you said, I’m not working today,” you repeated, seeing the way Izzy’s expression dropped slightly as he nodded in understanding. “But I could go for something to eat, you could come with me if you want,” you suggested, feeling like taking that chance was the right thing to do.

“I don’t…”

“Yeah, sorry, stupid idea,” you shook your head, cutting him off before he could drop his rejection. You knew it was a long shot, asking a client and infamous first mate of the mighty Blackbeard out on a date was absolutely ridiculous. If anyone you worked with saying they were going to do the same thing, you would laugh in their face. A terrible idea.

Izzy at least picked up on your slight panic. “No, it’s not that. Just…you want me to go with you?” He sounded genuinely confused.

“I’d like some pleasant company,” you shrugged, “if you want to go with me, that is.”

For a moment, Izzy was certain he was misunderstanding you or something. But, no. You were asking him to go get some food with you, and that felt like…something. “Yeah, sure, let’s go,” he agreed.

That had you smiling properly again. “Great, I know somewhere good.”

You quickly grabbed your jacket and locked your door before heading out with him. As you left, passing through the main room downstairs, you didn’t see Val anywhere but Mark caught sight of you and shot you a wink as you passed by. You shot him a glare in return before slipping out of the door with Izzy.

Izzy found himself following you through the familiar port town, unsure where exactly you were leading him but allowing you to anyway. A part of him expected you to walk a little ahead of him, since you knew where you were going and he didn’t, but instead you stayed firmly by his side.

“Huh.” The soft noise made Izzy look at you, caught off guard by the way you were looking back at him. Eyes sparking.

“What?” he asked gruffly, insecure under your gaze.

“I’ve never actually seen you outside, like, in direct sunlight,” you mused.

“Well, sorry to disappoint,” Izzy cleared his throat, keeping his gaze straight ahead, unable to look at you.

You laughed a little, slapping his arm playfully. “Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Talking down to yourself,” you chastised softly. “You’re handsome, and you’re good to spend time with, you need to start seeing that.”

Izzy felt his heart clenching in his chest. You sounded so sincere, like you really meant it, and it was killing him. “You remember I’m not paying you right?”

You laughed again, though more in disbelief than with humour. “I’m a very good actor but you never paid me to act. Never lied to you, Izzy.”

Izzy sighed slightly, trying to put the pieces together, trying to figure out what you were trying to say. “You’re very good at your job.” He wasn’t exactly sure why he said it but he meant it, you always managed to make him feel…wanted.

Another soft laugh. “Thank you but I’m off duty, and would you look at that,” you lent in conspiratorially. “I still want to spend the day with you,” you smiled, nudging your arm against his.

“Why?” Izzy couldn’t help but question you, couldn’t just let himself accept something nice like this.

“Because I like you, I’ve told you that,” you rolled your eyes but were still smiling fondly. “Now, any dietary requirements?”

Izzy frowned as he looked at you properly, your question throwing him off. “What?”

“I’m taking you out for food,” you reminded him.

“Oh, right. Uh, no dairy.”

“Got it!”

Even though it was exactly what you said you were going to do, a part of Izzy was still a little surprised when he found himself sitting outside of a little eatery with you, eating and talking. It was…well, it was nice. He felt comfortable.

Izzy offered to pay for the food instead of paying for your time, but you had tutted and paid anyway.

“I would have paid,” Izzy muttered as the two of you started walking through town again.

“I know, which is why I paid,” you sighed, coming to a halt. Izzy frowned, stopping as well and turning to you. Once he was properly looking at you, you spoke again. “Listen very clearly Izzy. I am not working right now, I am not doing anything currently that is related to my job, I am just getting something to eat with somebody whose company I enjoy.”

“...oh.” Izzy really did just need it all spelled out for him, didn’t he? You supposed it was fair, considering what your arrangement had been up until now. “Okay.”

You smiled at his acceptance. “Come on,” you took hold of his hand and started guiding him through town again.

As you walked, Izzy stared down at your intertwined hands. His mind raced, trying to fully comprehend what was going on, while just letting you lead the way. Was what the two of you shared real? Had it become something real or were you just humouring him? 

Despite spending most of the time worrying about, well, everything, Izzy found himself actually having a good time. Enjoying your company, finding himself relaxing. It had all been going so well, until the usual nuisance appeared out of nowhere. 

“Izzy!” an excitable blond man approached with a bright smile, making you pause. It only stung a little when Izzy pulled his hand out of yours. “Is this your recruit?” he asked.

“Recruit?” you frowned at Izzy, confused about who this man was and what he was talking about.

Your confusion was almost overtaken by concern when you got a good look at his face. The poor guy looked like he was about to have an aneurysm.

“Oh, perhaps Izzy hasn’t mentioned it yet,” the man cleared his throat like he was preparing for a speech. “I’m Captain Stede Bonnet, the Gentleman Pirate, of the Revenge and we are looking to recruit new crew members. We’re a little on the short side and we have sent the crew out to find any new recruits with potential.”

Oh, so this is Stede Bonnet. It made sense with the descriptions and complaints Izzy had uttered from time to time.

“It’s a pleasure, Captain Bonnet,” you nodded politely before turning back to Izzy. “So, am I your recruit, Izzy?”

“I…” He was shaking.

“Well, do you have any skills that would be useful on a pirate ship?” Stede asked, covering for, what he perceived to be, Izzy's poor social skills.

You and Izzy looked at each other, trying to get a feel for what the other was thinking. His eye twitched, you’re just amused.

“I’m great with knots,” you declared proudly. Izzy had to cough to cover up a startled laugh.

“Wonderful!” Stede’s smile widened. “They seem like a wonderful pick, I’ll let you finish up here. I suppose I might see you both back at the ship later on,” he nodded his goodbyes before continuing his path into town.

“Good with knots?” Izzy raised an eyebrow at you once Stede was out of sight.

“I am! Maybe I’ll show you one day,” you winked, earning a sweet blush from him.

“Let’s just move before Bonnet decides to come back,” he grumbled but you only laughed as he tugged you away by the hand.

Once Izzy felt that there was enough distance between him and Stede Bonnet, he began to relax and slow his pace. That’s when you decided to speak again.

“So you’re looking for new crew?” you asked.

“Edward finally came to his senses, realised that Bonnet’s crew is too small to properly maintain the ship. Even if they were decent fighters, we’re too outnumbered to conduct worthwhile raids,” Izzy explained. “Bonnet’s brilliant idea was to send the crew out at port to pick up any interested parties.” Of course, he thought he and Edward should be in charge of recruiting, with Fang and Ivan offering assistance. You know, since they actually knew what they were looking for.

“So, do you have an eye on anyone for the job?”

“Haven’t really looked around yet. We docked just before I came by your place,” he shrugged. You smiled to yourself, thinking it was just a little sweet that the first thing he did was come to see you.

“I am really good with knots,” you told him.

“Nautical knots?”

“Yeah.” He raised an eyebrow at you doubtfully. “What? I’ve met a lot of sailors,” you huffed, making Izzy laugh.

You laughed along softly, liking that your job doesn’t freak him out. That he can laugh about it just like you can, that he doesn’t get uncomfortable about. Still respects you and still accepted your invitation to dinner.

“I mean, if you’re looking for a new career, you could easily bluff your way into the crew,” Izzy shrugged. To be fair, he didn’t think they would be that difficult to fool.

You looked at him, trying to figure out if he was being serious or not. “Really?”

“Bonnet seems to like you enough, Edward would probably see through you but give you a chance anyway if Bonnet likes you. The crew would like you and you’d probably be a better pirate than most of them.” You really couldn’t tell if he was joking or not.

“Izzy,” you spoke a little firmer than usual, bringing him to a halt. “Are you asking me to join the crew?” you asked.

“It’s your choice-”

“No, Izzy, listen,” you cut him off, needing a direct answer to a specific question. “Are you, Izzy Hands, asking me to join your crew. To sail on the same ship as you. Are you asking me to sail with you, as an actual deckhand, where you will see me every day?” 

For a moment, the two of you just looked at each other. Izzy processing exactly what you were asking and exactly what him inviting you to join the crew would involve.

“...yeah,” Izzy answered before squaring his shoulders, looking a little more confident when he spoke again. “Yes. I’m asking you to join the crew, if that’s something you would be interested in.”

Well, that was fairly direct. Still, you needed to know one more thing. “I have one question,” he nodded for you to ask it. “Was this, today, a date?”

“A date?” he repeated dumbly.

“I didn’t come out with you or spend time with you for money. Was today a date?” 

“You’re the one who asked me to get something eat.”

“Okay, then, would you have liked it to be a date? A proper date.”

He opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out. You felt yourself deflating. Even if he did want that, if he couldn’t say it, you couldn’t join the crew. It wouldn’t be fair to you and you wouldn’t do that to yourself. You were just about to give up when he spoke.

“...yes.” The answer was quiet, making you look at him for some sort of confirmation that you had heard him right. He was blushing, his face a deep red, and was averting his gaze. “Yes, I guess I would,” he nodded, still not looking at you properly. There was…something like embarrassment in his expression.

“Izzy?” you spoke softly, shifting a little closer to him.

He looked at you then, determined but nervous. “I know it’s your job, I know I was paying you and it was just that. I knew I needed what I was asking for you but I guess I didn’t know how much I needed it. I have seen whores before, for the same thing…they were never as good as you. Thought you were just better at your job but began to realise that…that I just happen to like you more,” he confessed.

“I like you too, Izzy,” you smiled softly. “It was just a job, it was for a long time, we know better than to get close to clients, to buy into whatever they’re presenting. But I guess I just couldn’t help it with you, I grew fond, grew attached.”

Your little admission seemed to give Izzy the spark of confidence he needed to officially make the offer. “It’s fucking insane, I know that, but do you want to join the crew of the Revenge?”

“Yeah…I think I’d like that,” you nodded, suggesting, “and maybe we can get to know each other properly?”

“I’d like that too,” Izzy smiled back at you.

“Izzy?” 

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Izzy swallowed down the lump in his throat and nodded, not trusting his voice enough for a verbal response. Maybe those kisses you had given him had been genuine, done out of your own desire rather than obligation.

You stepped closer yet again, closing the distance between you both. Your hands cradled his face as you brought your lips to his in a gentle kiss.

You hadn’t kissed him goodbye that last time because he paid you or because you felt you had to provide an experience, you were off the clock. You had kissed him goodbye, all sweet and lingering, because you wanted too. Just like you were kissing him now. Just because you wanted to.

Izzy kissed you back, not held back by the worry that you didn’t actually want him. You did want him. You wanted him and were choosing him. You held him and kissed him because he meant something to you.

Maybe it was because of that that he kissed you like he may never get another chance. You had kissed him before but this was different, this felt like the true first, those boundaries crashing down around you both. Allowing each other to know how you really felt.

When you pulled away from the kiss, you were smiling, hands falling down to his shoulders. “I guess I’ll have to pack so how about one last visit to my room before we head to the ship?”

“Sounds like a good plan.”

Izzy almost felt like he was dreaming, like this wasn’t actually happening, as you led him back to the brothel. When the two of you entered, Val was in the main room but Mark wasn’t this time. She just grinned when she saw you, following you both up to your room.

“Thought you weren’t working!” Val teased, following you both inside. Izzy felt his face flush while you just rolled your eyes.

“I’m not!” you huffed. “Uh…well, it’s kinda sudden but there’s something I need to tell you…”

Val listened intently as you told her about your new plans, about how you were going to become a pirate. She had smirked and looked at Izzy now and again, knowing you had no real interest in pirating. That wasn’t the reason you were stepping foot on that ship. Of course, she expressed her concerns but supported your decision.

As you packed your things, Val was chastising Izzy and making him promise not to let anything bad happen to you. Izzy made those promises sincerely while you just laughed at her protectiveness.

Once she was satisfied that he wouldn’t let you get gutted on a raid or by an angry captain, she insisted on fussing with his hair until you were done collecting what you would be taking with you. You were pretty sure she was testing him in some way only she understood.

Thankfully, it didn’t take you long to pack the things you would be taking with you.

“Alright, you,” you batted Val away from a tense and flustered Izzy, giving him some space. “We’re leaving later, I want to say goodbye to everyone first.”

“You better and you better send letters,” Val scolded.

“Val!”

“I’m going!” 

She barely got the words out before you had closed the door on her.

-

Izzy stood back with your bags as you said your goodbyes. Then men and women you worked with pulled you into embraces, pressed kisses to your face and the top of your head as they wished you luck and told you to write.

The Madam had embraced you, kissing both of your cheeks and your forehead before releasing you. She had always been a good and fair Madam, had always been good to you and you would miss her. You would miss all of them. 

Said Madam had also snuck off to threaten Izzy with torture and death if he did wrong by you, he had taken it and promised everything he could. She must have believed him because she left his side without maiming him. Leaving him to watch you say your farewells.

You went back for a few more hugs before returning to Izzy’s side, telling him you were ready to leave. He insisted on carrying your bags for you. You had rolled your eyes fondly and let him carry them as he led you to the Revenge.

When you arrived and boarded using the gangplank, the crew was already gathered on the deck. Stede was standing beside Edward, looking rather disappointed.

“Iz!” Edward grinned when he saw the first mate, not faltering at the unfamiliar face beside him.

“Ah, at least somebody found a new recruit,” Stede huffed. The rest of the crew murmured apologies, having apparently failed their tasks.

“Unsurprisingly, I’m the only one who did the fucking job,” Izzy grumbled.

“Oh come on!” Lucius scoffed. “They’re a pirate but I’m not?” he asked knowingly. You just winked at him, making him shake his head.

“Lucius, please, be welcoming to our new crewmember,” Stede scolded, earning a dramatic sigh from Lucius.

“Welcome aboard! Let me give you the tour,” Stede was dragging you off before you or Izzy could even protest.

Thankfully, the crew didn’t have much to say to Izzy and started to busy themselves with idle chatter. Edward, on the other hand, sidled up to Izzy with a small smirk.

“Really, Iz?”

“Shut the fuck up, Edward.”

“I think it’ll be good for you,” Ed threw an arm around Izzy’s shoulders, giving him a friendly shake. Izzy muttered a string of curses, beginning to wish the sea would open up and swallow him whole.

At least the teasing felt worth it when you emerged from below deck, conversing with Stede. Whatever you were talking about clearly had Stede’s full attention, his smile growing as he animatedly contributed. Your smile was bright and friendly, but your expression noticeably softened when you looked over at Izzy. Yeah, it was worth it. He had made the right decision.

[psychotic4ghost]

Strength Together a story by Psychotic4Ghost

TW: Mentions of Soap's death, talk of death

WC: 2.6k

Masterlist

<- Chapter 2 // Chapter 4 ->

A shiver ran down Ophelia’s spine as she felt the cold, piercing stare of Simon Riley. He was still wary of her, that much was obvious and he did nothing to hide it either. It had been a week since she came to the base. Their mission wasn’t to start for another two more days, and she would be going with them. Staying in a small safe house away from the action of course. 

Gaz didn’t want her to come since she refused to learn how to hold a gun. But Price insisted as if something went wrong, it’d be better to have their doctor closer by. Ghost had nothing to say on the matter. In fact, the most she had heard him say in the whole week she’d been there was the deep growl of a yes to her question about his skull mask and when she accidentally walked in on him having a meeting with Price. She didn’t hear much but she learned of his thick Manchester accent. 

“Ignore him.” Gaz elbowed her lightly as he noticed she kept stealing glances at Ghost. He sat in one of the few armchairs of the small shared living space. 

“Why doesn’t he go outside or stay in his room? He looks like he really doesn’t want to be here with us.” Ophelia asked before sipping her morning tea. 

“Price makes him. After…um…Soap, he stayed in his room for the first two months. It took a lot to get him to eat, he ended up with a tube in his gut since he wouldn't eat. After that, Price started forcing him out. I don’t know how he manages it but he only listens to Price.” Gaz informed, keeping his voice low even though they both knew there was no reason, Ghost could hear them. 

“He must have been really close to Soap. I’m really sorry for both of you.” Ophelia pushed her scrambled eggs around her plate with her fork, not really wanting to eat anymore. 

The sound of a heavy chair scraping across the floor caught their attention. Ghost stood so quickly and with so much force, he pushed the whole armchair back a few inches before heading for the door. 

“Simon.” Price said with a fatherly tone. 

“Going for a walk.” Ghost responded, knowing what Price was going to ask. 

“Now I feel bad.” Ophelia admitted. 

“Don’t. He’s always been like this, just more…moody than before. He’ll be fine.” Price informed as he ate the last bite of his toast. 

“I’m gonna go after him, apologize.” She said as she pushed herself up from her seat. She took her plate and cup with her to the kitchen, taking care of them before following after Ghost. 

She could hear Gaz try to tell her it wasn’t worth her breath but she felt the need to apologize anyway. 

With a small sprint, she had him in her sights. He was walking with his hands in the pockets of the black hoodie he wore. His skull faceplate was left in his room but he still wore the black balaclava with the white stripes. She hadn’t seen his face once yet. 

“Ghost?” It felt weird to call him that, usually she called people by their names. It didn’t feel like a true nickname either. 

“Go away.” 

“Please slow down, I want to apologize for talking about you like that.” She was struggling to fully catch up to the large man as one of his steps seemed to be three of hers. 

“For who? Won’t do me any good. You’re only trying to apologize to make yourself feel better.” Ghost spat without stopping but he did turn his head to the side so she could hear him better. 

“I- that’s a really rude way to put it. I feel bad for hurting you.”

Ghost rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. “You didn’t. So leave me be. I won’t ask again.” 

“Did-did you just threaten me, Lieutenant?” Ophelia stopped walking, too surprised by his words to continue following. However that didn’t work for her as he stopped, turned on his heel and headed her way. 

She straightened her back as he approached, trying to act bigger than she was. 

“So what if it was, doctor?” He was inches from her now. She hadn’t noticed her feet moving but his presence was slowly pushing her back until her back was pressed against one of the chain link fences that bordered the base.  

“Y-you shouldn’t threaten people.” 

“Who are you to tell me what I should and shouldn’t do?”

“Y-your doctor.”

Ghost startled her as he let out a deep, menacing chuckle. “You are not my captain. A tiny little doctor like yerself can’t tell me who I can and can’t threaten. Get lost before you make things worse for yourself.” 

“Don’t come crying to me when you get shot then. I don’t help those who threaten me.” 

“Oh, you will help. It’s your job. You took an oath, remember?” He was using her own words against her, ones she had said to Price in private. They must have discussed her and firearms. “And I’ll just dig it out with some Jameson and a knife, I don’t need you.” 

Nothing was said between them for what felt like hours, both staring the other down. Their height held a noticeable difference, a full eleven inches stood between them as he towered over her. 

“You’re bold. Giving me a look like that.” Ghost chuckled deeply as he backed up from her small frame. “Most would have buckled the second I got within a foot of them.”

“Well I’m not most people. I knew you wouldn’t hurt me, I see the way you and Price interact and I have a feeling he wouldn’t take too kindly to you hurting me.” Ophelia crossed her arms over her chest as she pushed her hip out to relax her stance. 

“He may be my Captain. But he doesn’t scare me.” Ghost paused for a beat. “I’m going to finish my walk, you can either join or leave me alone. I won’t wait for your decision.” He turned as if on queue, walking in the direction he was previously, not giving her even a moment to consider what he had said. Only thinking for a brief moment, she decided to walk with him, keeping the silence he obviously craved. 

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

His name was John “Soap” MacTavish. He had been on the team for a few years. His callsign came from his ability to perform clean sweeps of rooms, clearing them with efficiency. His love for rigging explosives added to his quirky self, something the team quickly learned to love. Ghost had taken to the man, calling him Johnny regularly. It was a shock to Ophelia when she learned the two used to crack jokes with each other. She didn’t think he knew any jokes. This Soap character sounded like someone she would have become best friends with. 

Gaz had taken it upon himself to let her in on their past as a team. They both knew Ghost wouldn’t have liked them talking about him or Soap like this, but Gaz and Price both agreed it would be nice to tell her. Plus, getting to talk about their fallen brother in such a wonderful light to someone who didn’t know him, seemed to be lifting their spirits and that was something Ophelia found pride in. 

Just with who she was as a person, bringing joy to others was something she always strived for. She wanted to help people in any way, whether that be a shoulder to cry on or as their doctor, fixing any wound she needed to. She definitely didn’t regret her decision to join this small team, as she felt accepted. She didn’t feel like there was a constant challenge anymore like there was with her male coworkers back in the medical field. 

Each member of this team was equipped with enough medical knowledge to tend to wounds on the field, and Price’s knowledge actually surprised Ophelia when he passed by one of her medical books, making a very educated comment about it. It was something the two bonded over at times, something Ophelia was grateful for. 

Gaz was an easy target, making friendly banter with him seemed to be a natural thing for both of them. He felt like a brother she had always wanted, he picked on her but also made sure she was okay. When she first got to the base, he was more than attentive to her, giving her his extra pillow when she realized she forgot hers at her apartment the first night she arrived, bringing her the good snacks he’d pick up when he left the base, and other small things throughout the weeks. She was grateful for his generosity. 

Then there was Ghost. The toughest cookie to crack. Unfortunately for him, Ophelia loved a challenge and getting him to open up was one of the biggest challenges the little doctor had been given in a very long time. She would follow him around the common areas, a notepad in hand as she’d pretend to write down notes when she asked him questions. In reality, she was making small doodles that had nothing to do with his responses. She just wanted to tease him and it was slowly working. Every day she would ask him a new list of questions, ones she knew couldn’t be too harmful to his psyche. 

He could act as tough as he wanted, but Ophelia knew he could be soft and saying the wrong thing to anyone could be damaging, even the tough Ghost. 

“Favorite brand of tea?” Ophelia asked as she nibbled the end of her pen. 

“Messmer.” He’d answer quickly as if it would make her and her pestering questions go away. 

“And it was earl grey you liked, right?” She remembered every answer he had given her, even though she wasn’t actually writing down his answers. 

“Mhm.” he’d grunt in response. “Why are you asking all this? Building me a care basket?” He finally looked up from his book to glance for her reaction. 

“You know what? I just might. I think that’s a lovely idea! I’ll make sure to add a small duck plushie for you too.” a duck was his answer to his ‘favorite animal’ question she had asked. She didn’t believe him though, his answer was too quick. But she figured she’d learn it sooner or later. 

“Don’t waste your money, Doogie.” He had started calling her Doogie, it was more to bug her as she wasn’t the biggest fan of the nickname. He’d sometimes call her Dr. Doogie or just Doogie just to get a rise out of her. 

“It wouldn’t be wasted when I’m spending it on my favorite Lieutenant.” She teased back. He was tough to break the walls of but he still teased her, which was more progress than she ever expected to make. 

“Why all the questions for the LT?” Gaz asked one day when Ghost wasn’t in the room. 

“I just wanna learn about you guys, especially if I’m going to be a part of this team.” 

“How come you don’t ask me all these questions?” Gaz pouted, dropping his fork. 

“I don’t need to, Gaz. Your favorite colour is blue, you like a good American cheese burger, you fancy a box of jelly babies more often than you should, and you love puppies, baby goats, and caterpillars. I don’t have to ask to know, you’ll tell me in conversation like a normal person.” Ophelia chuckled as she watched his expression change from awe to being impressed. 

“You memorized all of that?”

“Of course I have.” Ophelia answered with a big grin of pride. She always took pride in her memory, it was her biggest sin of the seven.

“What progress have you made on Ghost, then?”

“A good amount actually. Although, I’m not sure how much of what he answers is true.” Ophelia was a little defeated by this, but it just meant she had to try harder. 

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

The aforementioned mission they were planning for was coming up far faster than Ophelia had anticipated. The boys had locked in on training, leaving Ophelia to either work out alongside them, of course not to the intensity they did, or catch up on her readings. She opted for the books as the gym tended to gain a funky smell she wasn’t so fawned of. 

“Whatcha reading?” Price asked her one day as she sat against the gym wall, far enough away to not smell the sweat. The gym they occupied was a large open room with workout machines and weights lining the walls. The center of the room was usually used for combat or other larger activities. 

“It’s called Fahrenheit 451. I picked it up while in America.” Ophelia answered, she smashed her thumb in between the book pages to not lose her spot as she flashed the cover of the book to the captain.

“Who’s it by?”

“Ray Bradbury. He writes science fiction. It’s about the future where basically the government burns any and all books.” Ophelia explained as she found her spot on the page again.

“Sounds like your worst nightmare, love.” Gaz added as he too joined the conversation, unfortunately for Ophelia, that meant the smell drifted with them. Gaz flung his towel over her shoulder, wafting the scent her way. 

“You lot smell like a gym locker.” Ophelia wrinkled her nose at the smell that was quickly overtaking her senses. 

Both boys chuckled at her as she pinched her nose. “Seriously, my eyes are watering. Go shower.” Without any more words, the two left to the shower rooms, a room she never dared to enter. She was fortunate enough to have her own full bathroom back in her quarters. Most of the rooms did but after a workout, the gym showers were more convenient. 

“Good book.” Ghost’s deep voice startled Ophelia as she returned to her book, thinking she was alone. He was quiet, even when lifting heavy weights. She had forgotten he was even there after the others left. 

“You’ve read it?” 

Ghost nodded his head. It was shocking to her that he wore his mask even while working out, though he tended to leave the skull one back in his quarters. She was quick to learn how many different masks he had. 

He had just an all black balaclava with the same white stripes down the chin and over the forehead, the same mask but with the skull plate sewn to it and one she had only seen briefly, as if she wasn’t meant to see it at all. It was a black surgical mask with the bottom jaw of a skull printed on it. If she hadn’t been distracted by the skull part, she would have noticed the fact that his whole upper face and hair were visible. But he saw her and shut his bedroom door before she could register what was exposed of his face.

“Why do you seem shocked?” Ghost questioned as she set her book down, this time with her bookmark. 

“I didn’t think you’d read science fiction.” 

“I have here and there.” 

“Are you nervous?” Ophelia asked, not realizing she was changing the subject. It wasn’t on purpose, she was worried about all the boys. 

“No.” It wasn’t uncommon for him to answer with one word responses. She found those answers to hold the most truth in them. 

Ophelia responded with a hum, he wasn’t one for extensive conversation and she respected that, even with her teasing questions. 

“Ghost, cap says we’re leaving in thirty.” Gaz poked his head out of the locker room door, a single white towel wrapped around his hips and small bouts of steam pushed past him from the room. Ghost nodded before turning to join his other teammates in the steamy locker rooms, leaving Ophelia to her book for the next thirty minutes.

˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗

<- Chapter 2 // Chapter 4 ->

Story Masterlist // Main masterlist

[yeowangies]

Blood Stains

CHAPTER X: If I bleed you'll be the last to know

❧

PAIRING: Raditz/F!Reader RATING: Explicit CONTENTS: Canon Divergence AU, Slow burn, Smut, Enemies to Lovers. WARNINGS: Explicit sexual content. WORDCOUNT: 4791

Summary:

You freeze in place. It has been a month since you had that argument with Raditz. What is he doing here? Even when weeks went by, you’re not sure you’ve cooled off enough to handle this yet. Or at all, since you were positive you would never see his face again.

Notes:

I feel like it's been a year since I've updated this, but it's only been a little over a month. I wrote this chapter like two months ago, and as I was reading this to check if everything is as I want it to be, I realized that I've written something that I wish I had in my life. I'm not gonna go too deep into this but it was weirdly comforting.

Again, I won't know when I'll post the next chapter, I'm currently busy with a lot of irl stuff, but hopefully it's gonna be in less than a month this time!

The lyrics in the title is from Taylor Swift's Cruel Summer. Enjoy!

You can check the tag #*bs if you wanna see the previous chapters.

A confrontation like that was not how you wanted to end things with Raditz. Because it was definitely over after that. You’re certain you won’t see him again. 

You feel it in your bones, he likes staying with you and being with you. He has slept so much better the second time around, and he hasn’t been so tense. What he said hurt and you are still angry, so angry, but it was your fault he stormed out like that, you shouldn’t have said anything. You shouldn’t have talked to him as if he was going to break.

Then again, remaining silent didn’t feel right either. Even if you had agreed to only sleep together. 

It was stupid to think you wouldn’t get attached. You never expected this affair to last for as long as it did, which wasn’t even that long to begin with. You even got to know him during his short stay, and even before that when he was staying at Capsule Corp; you know him too much for someone who you were just going to share a bed with every once in a while. 

Lust was how all of it started, but it has transformed into something more, even if you don’t even want to acknowledge it yourself.

Would all that actually change anything?

You purposely had avoided the topic of his stay here on Earth, or about the Saiyans, before that day. But he said some things and you couldn’t keep your mouth shut. Nothing feels right, and you feel like punching a wall. Which would probably hurt less than when you slapped him, it’s like his face was made of steel. 

You know for sure Raditz won’t ever come back, and you get more used to the idea as days pass by. It doesn’t hurt any less, though, and your heart feels tight whenever you dwell on it. 

“I’m staying at Kame House for a few days, do you wanna come along?” Bulma asks over the phone one afternoon, in a cheery tone.

You haven’t told Bulma anything about Raditz at all; keeping it a secret was for the best, or so you thought. You were regretting it a bit now, all your emotions were bottling up inside and that couldn’t be good. But you’re not ready to share everything yet.

“No, it’s okay, I… have work to do.”

“Don’t forget the Saiyans are getting here one of these days, it’d be better if you’re here when that happens.”

“I know.”

“Do you know anything about Raditz?”

You inhale sharply before clearing your throat.

“I don’t.”

“That’s so weird, he just disappeared. I would assume he left the planet, but he doesn’t have any ship, does he?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Mmh, I’m sure we’ll know what he’s been up to once his two buddies come here. I know Goku can take them.”

“Yeah… Yeah, Goku is unbeatable, right?”

“…Are you okay? You don’t sound too good…”

“I haven’t been sleeping well. I’ve been thinking about this too much.” At least that part isn’t a lie. “Don’t worry, okay? Call me if anything happens.”

You hang up after that.

It has been almost a year since Goku died. It doesn’t feel like so much time has passed. Since you’ve been trying to avoid the topic altogether when Raditz was around, you actually lost track of time until Bulma called to tell you about it. 

You’re reconsidering actually making a bag and getting to Kame House too when a loud knock on the balcony startles you. 

You freeze in place. It has been a month since you had that argument with Raditz. What is he doing here? Even when weeks went by, you’re not sure you’ve cooled off enough to handle this yet. Or at all, since you were positive you would never see his face again. 

“Open up.” Raditz’s loud voice demands from the other side of the balcony door. “Unless you want me to blast through the wall.”

Fuck. You know he isn’t bluffing. 

Breathing in deeply, you open the door ajar to look him up. He’s still as handsome as ever even when he doesn't have his usual smirk, you want to gouge out your eyes because of how furious it makes you. You lock eyes with him for a brief second before moving to the side to let him in. 

Raditz stands in front of you with his eyes fixed on your face, but your gaze is elsewhere. Now that he is here, you don’t want to apologize first. You’re hurt, but you’re still very angry too. You’re a lot of emotions together at once with him. 

“Are you not even going to look at me?” He asks, annoyed. 

You sigh, slowly, turning your eyes towards him. You can’t decipher the expression on his face, but Raditz is staring at you with such intensity you’re worried he might be seeing right through you. You avert your gaze from him after a second, unsure if you want to slap him again or jump right into his arms. 

You’re startled when Raditz abruptly takes a few steps towards you and grabs your arms, pulling you closer and leaning down to capture your lips in a kiss. A surprised noise escapes you, melting a little inside when you feel him so close after all that time. It takes a second for you to remember that you’re still upset and that you don’t actually want to give in this easily.

“No…” You murmur quietly into the kiss, pushing urgently at his shoulders to get him off. “No, Raditz, I don’t wanna do this!”

“Your body is saying otherwise.” He says with a smirk, hands sliding underneath your shirt and making you shiver.

“I don’t wanna do this when I’m mad at you!” You clarify, pulling away from him the best you can in his embrace. 

“Isn’t this the best way to make amends?” 

That smug grin of his grows wider and your face heats up, but you still roll your eyes. 

“I’m not doing this until you apologize. What you said to me hurt…” 

Raditz pulls away, frowning deeply, his hands closing into fists then opening and closing again a couple of times. You realize that he probably won’t apologize first; you wonder if he actually can apologize at all, not because he’s incapable, but maybe it’s something he has never done before. 

“Though I guess, I really hurt you too.” You say after seconds of silence, taking the first step. “I didn’t mean to talk to you that way… I’m sorry. What I said was true though, I do care about you…”

He nods, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“What am I supposed to say?” Raditz asks, with his eyes still on your face.

“I don’t know… tell me how you feel?” His frown gets deeper and you want to laugh because he looks like a petulant child who simply can’t have things his way. You offer him a small smile instead. “Do they not teach Saiyans how to apologize?”

“We do not apologize.” 

You sigh, your smile turning sour because you expected that answer. 

“It wasn’t my intention to upset you.” Raditz says, to your surprise, as he gets closer again with a smirk. “Let me show you how sorry I am.”

You huff, smiling despite yourself, when his hands reach for you again, pulling you closer by your shirt until you’re flush against him.

“You’re only saying that cause you wanna get laid!”

“I’m saying that because I want you.” He leans down to bury his face in your neck, pressing his nose to your skin and breathing in deeply. “If you do not want this, tell me to stop.”

Goosebumps form on your skin when you feel his breath near your ear, and you jolt when his hands trail under your shirt once more. 

You don’t know if that apology of his is enough, but he did say he was sorry in a way.

When Raditz realizes you won’t stop him, he removes all your clothes urgently, and you help him get rid of his as he kisses you fervently. You feel his desperation by the way his hands gripped your body, pressing you as close as possible while his lips devoured you. You had to pull away for air, but he just kept planting kisses down your jaw and neck.

You soon forget why you’ve been mad all this time, and your mind goes completely blank when he lays you on the bed and kneels down on the floor, grinning cheekily as he throws your legs over his shoulders. 

“I may not be good with words, but I know I’m damn good at other things.” Raditz purrs, tracing his lips on the inside of your thighs.

You laugh breathily because he’s obviously right, and you’re too weak to argue about whatever you were talking about before.

Whatever Raditz gets out of going down on you, you don’t know, but you don’t ponder on the thought when he coaxes you into coming twice with just his mouth in what must be record time. You’re still in haze when he crawls on top of you, kissing you gently as he pushes his cock inside you. 

“Fuck, I needed this…” He grunts in your ear, once he’s fully sheathed. “I need you. I want you.”

Raditz sets a steady yet hard pace, slamming his hips against yours. You whimper, your body still sensitive, and after a few rough thrusts you get closer to the edge again. You don’t even try to fight it or to make it last longer; after having come twice already, you’re too weak to do much. 

Wrapping your arms around him, you hold him close as your release washes over you, shuddering and letting out a stuttered moan. Raditz groans against your skin before biting down your neck, moving into you faster until his body tenses, coming inside with a guttural growl.

He practically collapses on top of you once he’s spent but you don’t mind it; it’s nice to feel him so close after so many days when you were getting used to the idea that you wouldn’t meet him again. Running your hands up and down his back and threading your fingers through his hair, you sigh contently until he rolls over to the side. 

When he pulls you closer with an arm around your shoulder and his tail on your waist, you look at him with wide eyes. He rarely initiates cuddling. 

“I thought I was never going to have you again.” Raditz confesses quietly, only for you to hear. 

“I thought you wouldn’t come back either…” You respond softly. “I didn’t want that to be the last time we saw each other. Everything I said… You shouldn’t take my word for it anyway.”

“Didn’t you say you meant it?”

“When I said I care about you, yeah, I did, but everything else… I mean, you know me enough. I come home to an empty apartment every day. Who am I to talk about how you live your life…”

Your eyes are looking at the window, fixed on the sky, tinted with dark orange as the sun sets, but you can feel his eyes trained on your face. 

“I still have a lot to apologize for, is that what you’re saying?” Raditz asks, pressing you closer.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

He hums in response, and you shut up for once, not wanting to drag this along anymore. When he presses his nose to the top of your head, breathing in your scent, you close your eyes, relaxing for a minute, pleased that he has magically decided to come and stay for at least a little while.

“You didn’t ask me to clean myself this time.” Raditz casually says, and you snort. You’re aware that you didn’t, but you also didn’t catch any weird smell when he was close, so you don’t really care.

“I was just ignoring how dirty you are.”

“Is that so?” He shifts, moving even closer and pressing his lips to your neck again. “Do you want to take a shower with me?”

You’re only human, and Raditz is looking at you with eyes that make you want to sink and drown in them. He effortlessly carries you to the shower, and as water falls down both of your bodies, he kisses you heatedly when he slides inside you again, moving at a steady pace, and it doesn’t take long until you both come simultaneously. 

Later that night, when he’s sleeping by your side with an arm draped over your waist, tears well up in your eyes. You don’t dare to think about it, let alone say it out loud, but you know how you feel. You know well what the word is for how you feel towards him. Anxiety about the upcoming days keeps you from reveling in your feelings because you know this won’t end well. This was supposed to be just casual but you had been naive to think it could remain that way as time went by. 

Swallowing down your feelings, and telling yourself to keep quiet about them and how much it’s going to hurt once he leaves, you blink your tears away before they can spill as you press closer to Raditz, and try to sleep.

*

Raditz was honest when he said he thought he was never going to lay with you again. He was sure you wouldn’t want to work things out when he got to your place to talk to you, you were the one who told him to leave after all. Thankfully, he had been wrong; he figured he would have to say sorry even if he didn’t know how. But when he kissed you and your body responded to him, he knew not all was lost. He’s very aware he did the bare minimum, but apologizing is something he has never done, not like this, not when he’s actually sorry and has to show himself vulnerable to someone else. It’s comforting to know you did the same for him. 

He feels you moving more than usual when the two of you go to sleep that night, as well as how tense your body is against his. He’s close to actually asking if there’s something wrong, but you end up falling asleep at some point. 

After sharing a bed with you for so many nights, Raditz already knows you’re not a light sleeper, not like he is. He moves to press closer when he wakes up the next morning, and you don’t even notice, too deep in your slumber to respond to his gesture. He can’t see your face from his position; your back is against his chest, the faint sunlight filtering through the window highlights the line of your body, and he can smell your hair. Small benefits from lying down like  that. 

The desire to stay like this, with his nose buried in your hair and an arm wrapped around your waist while the sun rises, is unfamiliar and confusing, yet not entirely unwelcome. Since he never actually had sex and slept with someone before, especially not as many times, he’s not sure how normal it is to feel this way, but it brings him a sense of peace that he has never experienced before. The closest feeling to this one was the one he got after purging a planet, like satisfaction from having finished a job, and knowing he could relax for a bit. Yet at the same time, it’s unfair to compare the two, they were similar, but nothing alike. 

Saiyans rarely mated for life, but it wasn’t completely uncommon. Raditz is well aware, his parents were one of the few mated couples on the planet. But it had been a long time ago, and the image of everyone else he may have known is fuzzy. Is this how his parents felt when they were with each other? 

He knows he’s become quite fond of you; after you told him to leave last time and the prospect of never touching you again sank in, how important you are to him became much more obvious. But what's more surprising is that it doesn’t bother him at all. 

Except for the fact that Vegeta and Nappa are coming to this planet God knows when. Raditz has lost track of time a long time ago, all he knows is that they are getting here someday. 

He remembers well that he was looking for the Dragon Balls too. For immortality, or something. He’s been rethinking that wish for a few days now, but there isn’t any alternative that satisfies him. 

His focus shifts when you stir, humming softly as you wake up. You look comically startled to see him staring at you when you turn to him with sleepy eyes. 

“Hey,” You mumble, clearing your throat, “You should have woken me up if you were awake.”

“Why?” His tail that has been draped over your hip tightens, holding you closer to his body. 

“I don’t know, aren’t you hungry, or bored?”

“I’m not.” Raditz chuckles; maybe he’s a little hungry, but he rather stays like this. “You snore when you sleep and that’s pretty entertaining.”

“I do not!”

“Yes, you do. Pretty loudly.”

“Well, you snore too, and even louder!”

You’re looking at him with drowsy eyes, rosy cheeks, and messy hair; he can’t resist.

Laughing quietly, Raditz brings the hand on your waist up to your cheek to stroke it, pulling you closer towards him and gently pressing his lips to yours. You make a surprised soft noise and squirm in his arms, making him smile into the kiss, completely pleased with your reaction. He plants another brief kiss before pulling awake, and you stare at him with wide eyes.  

“Why did you do that?” You ask shyly, blushing deeper. He’s not sure why you’re blushing, you had kissed each other before, plenty of times. 

But he’s never kissed you just because, with no intentions of sex. 

Raditz remains quiet, only staring at your face for a little while before you move to sit up.

“I should get up… I’ll make breakfast.”

Your cheeks still have a faint pink hue as he watches you walk out the room towards the bathroom. 

You stare at him more often than usual during the morning, while he eats, and he usually wouldn’t mind it, but you’re not even saying anything that would explain why you keep your eyes trained on him with such intensity. 

“You keep staring at me, girl, what are you thinking?”

“I didn’t realize I was… Sorry.”

Raditz grunts in response, noticing that you look embarrassed for being caught. He doesn’t get it, though. 

“I don’t like it when you call me ‘girl’.”

“What? Why? You are a girl.” He frowns, confused.

“I am but I’m not a child, I’m a woman.”

“I’m well aware of that.”

“How old are you, anyway? You look around Goku’s age.”

“I don’t know.” Raditz replies after some time. 

“You don’t know how old you are?”

“No. I was seven when Planet Vegeta was destroyed. I stopped counting after that.”

You look sad for whatever reason; he doesn’t get that either. 

“Goku was sent here as a baby…” You start after some time, thinking out loud and locking eyes with him. “Do you remember how old you were when he was born?”

“I was six.”

“So, a year later, your planet was destroyed?”

“More or less, yes.”

“Mmh… Goku was 24 when he died-”

“Can we stop talking about Kakarot?”

“-and he would have been 25 by now. And you’re 6 years older than him. So you’re 31.”

Raditz blinks, unsure of how to react. 

“You’re not that much older than me then, I was a bit worried.” You smile cheerily. 

“You were worried?” 

“A bit, yeah. You could have been 100 years old for all I know. But I’m glad we are close in age.”

“Is age that important? How old are you?” He eyes you up and down; he doesn’t have any concept about how humans age, but you look young. 

Do humans stay young for a long time, like Saiyans? Doubtful. Saiyans were built like that to fight for decades, but humans do not do that. 

“I’m 28.” You smile wider, resting your arms on the table and leaning closer. “You also seem like a Scorpio.”

“The fuck are you talking about?”

“It’s a human thing, according to when you were born, you have certain personality traits.”

“You humans sure have a lot of free time on your hands.” 

Raditz yanks your chair closer to his with his foot, making you jolt, obviously surprised, but you keep talking. 

“Yeah, well, we were never involved in intergalactic wars. But I’m not sure if you’re more like a Scorpio or a Gemini…”

“I don’t know what any of that means.” 

He effortlessly picks you, making you sit on his lap and holding you close as his lips find your neck, pressing kisses up your jaw. 

“You can be a Scorpio because you’re a little stubborn, among other things…” You giggle when he presses his nose to the skin under your ear, taking in your scent. “Or a Gemini because you’re mischievous, and a little tense…”

Raditz isn’t really paying too much attention to what you’re saying, he’s too preoccupied with how your body feels, how soft your skin is, and how sweet your smell is to respond to your words.

“You’re not listening to me…” You say, quietly and breathily, as he sneaks a hand underneath your shirt.

“I’m busy.” He nibbles your jaw, and you shiver slightly in his embrace. “I don’t understand a word you’re saying anyway.”

Capturing your lips next, you’re finally silenced as he kisses you ardently, digging his fingers into your flesh to press you as close as possible. You hum contently, kissing him just as eagerly, and Raditz feels his chest tightening with adoration. 

It’s a strange sensation, being aware of his affection for you, and the affection itself, having never experienced anything close to it. He could spend hours just sitting there, kissing you, touching you, and even more. 

When he pulls away to take off your shirt, Raditz notices that the sky has turned pitch black, leaving your apartment in the dark. It’s morning, the sun was out just a minute ago. You gasp when you notice it too, and you stiffen in his arms. Looking at your face, even in the shadows, he immediately can tell that you know what’s going on. 

“What is this?” He asks, staring at you. 

He hears you swallow as your hold on his shoulders tightens, but you don’t answer. 

Raditz stands up, helping you stay on your feet before he walks to the window to look outside. There’s nothing going on besides the sky being completely obscured. He focuses on detecting energies, but there’s no one who catches his attention. 

The darkness only lasts a few minutes before the sun is out again, just in the same spot it was before. He has been on Earth enough to know that hasn’t been a common occurrence on that planet. And there isn’t any moon for it to be an eclipse.

When Raditz turns to look at you, you seem upset, with your brows furrowed and mouth slightly open. 

“You know what’s going on. Tell me.” He wants to sound demanding, but he has grown too soft to even raise his voice at you.

You open and close your mouth a few times, and he waits patiently for an explanation, but before he can get one, your phone rings. He’s about to tell you to ignore it, but you quickly turn to pick it up. His eyes follow you, and he listens in to your conversation (as he usually does when you talk on the phone with someone).

“Oh, hi, Bulma… Yeah, I saw. I figured it was you. So Goku is back? Tomorrow? But that’s a month early! Yeah, I know. I’ll be there. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Raditz watches as you hang up, and slowly, very slowly, turn to him. You still look distressed as you lock eyes with him. 

“The Saiyans are getting here tomorrow.”

He couldn’t hide the surprised look on his face. Tomorrow? Has it been a year? No, that’s why you said ‘that’s a month early’. It hasn’t been a year, but he has lost track of time to even notice how long it’s been. He’s been too distracted.

“And… They brought Goku back to life. Now you can’t use the Dragon Balls…” 

Raditz frowns. He wanted the Dragon Balls to make a wish (immortality, was it?) but he doesn’t really care about that anymore. 

You’re looking at him with big eyes, and he understands why you seem so upset now. 

When Raditz takes a few steps forward he isn’t really thinking, he just knows that he wants to touch you and feel you close more than ever before. You’re startled by how fast he lunges towards you, and you even gasp when he kisses you. He presses you against the telephone stand, almost tumbling it over, but he really doesn’t care, wrapping his arms tightly around you. He kisses you as if he hasn’t been kissing you the past few days, the past few months, with intensity, tasting your lips and every corner of your mouth.

“Raditz-” You call for him against his lips, clinging to his shoulders. “Wait-”

“I don’t want to wait.” He practically growls, gripping your waist so tight he regrets it, thinking he might have hurt you, but you only hum in response. “I don’t want to talk. Just…”

At a loss of words, he trails off, but luckily you don’t try again. 

You only moan his name, and the occasional curse, when Raditz presses you against the mattress moments later, moving in and out of you at a slow pace, kissing you heatedly the entire time, swallowing down all your noises and all the words that escape your lips. He groans your name against your skin every time he comes, holding you close, knowing this time that he will have to let you go once tomorrow arrives. 

When he decided that this situation with you was just a distraction in what could only be considered a ‘pause’ in the usual pace of his life, he hadn’t been thinking clearly. He feels like he’s bleeding inside again, for different reasons now. 

Raditz stays in bed with you for most of the day (he still knows you’re human, and you can’t possibly keep up with him if he were to actually fuck you all day long, and you both need to eat anyway). For once you don’t talk too much, and he realizes he actually likes it when you do, when you ask him questions or when you quip a witty remark at him. 

He doesn’t know what he’s going to do tomorrow. 

“You’re not going to go there, are you?” Raditz asks you the next morning, eying you up and down as you sit on the bed, tying up your shoes. 

“No, I’m going to be at Kame House.”

“That pink house where we met?”

“Yeah…”

He nods. He doesn’t know why he even asked, if something were to happen to the planet, it wouldn’t matter where you are. 

“I’ll take you there.”

“Oh, I can get there myself.” You show him a small smile. “Thank you, though.”

Raditz would argue but it’s better that way. He can say goodbye to you alone here. 

As soon as you stand up, he kisses you. You get surprised every time, but you return it just the same. He glides his lips over yours, slow and sweet, as he holds your face. This might be the last time he gets to kiss you, so he makes it last until he feels you’re struggling for air. He’s going to miss that hazy look in your eyes when he breaks a kiss, the look you currently have as he leans his forehead against yours. 

Unsure of what to say, Raditz just keeps his eyes locked with yours for a while. You said before you want him to say goodbye whenever he leaves. He doesn’t want to say it, but he does anyway.

“Goodbye.”

His body protests when he takes a step back, his hands on your face leaving you last. You still look distressed, and he waits for a minute, in case you want to say something.

When you don’t, Raditz finally turns to the balcony, opening the door and flying away. 

[willkimurashat]

2022 Fics in Review

Thank you so much for tagging me @rebelrayne !!! I only started writing this year, as my new-found hobby, and I actually found it quite fun and therapeutic :) that being said, I don’t have a lot to share, but it’s still cool to look back on it lol!

In 2022 I…

…wrote the following one-shots:

First Impressions Don’t Have to Decide Everything, Right?

MC x Will, 4k+ words

My first ever fic!! It will always hold a special place in my heart, even though I’m kinda scared to reread it and feel incredibly cringy🙈

The Answer Was Simple

MC x Suresh, 2.3k+ words, Lie detector prompt

I’m really proud of this one actually. I wrote it in one sitting and I was surprisingly satisfied with how it came out:) still can’t believe all the love I got for it here on tumblr!

Snog, Marry, Die

Halloween-themed, 7k+ words, tw: blood, violence, murder, death

I was just rereading it yesterday, and I still think it came out so fun lol! Every time I read the title, makes me feel like I was such a genius for coming up with that pun lmao, like, I am wayyy too proud of that title haha😂

…started the following multi-chaptered wips:

Stargazing

MC x Will, s4 rewrite, 61.6k+ words

Ah, the fic that kinda started it all:) It was such an ambitious plan, and I think it’s only now hit me, just how ambitious it really is to do a whole season rewrite lol… I hate how slow I am with writing it, but I love writing it so much nonetheless - it’s my baby!

An Unnamed College AU

Started writing this back in the summer, I haven’t touched it in months, but I haven’t given up on it yet either. I just didn’t think the plot fully through before starting it lol! Maybe I will get back to it, who’s to say?

An Unnamed Xmas fic

Something I started, but lost motivation and didn’t finish… whoopsie daisy👀 maybe next year?

An Unnamed Romcom-Inspired fic

I am actually super excited about this! The idea has been occupying my mind for a few weeks now:) I think this one’s kinda self-indulgent, but my bday is coming up in 1.5 months, so I’m allowing it lol😅 no, but I think it’s actually gonna be really fun, and I hope you guys think so too! Stay tuned!

…reached the following milestones:

Started writing! I mean, it’s a big deal because it got me through a lot actually, as this year was absolutely fucked.

100 kudos across all of my fics on ao3! Like, WHAT??? HOWWWW THANK YOUUUU

1301 hits across all of my fics on ao3! Again, HOWWW I LOVE YOU ALL

Collectively wrote 71,089 words across the fics officially posted to ao3! I didn’t know I could do that wtf!!!

Stargazing currently sits at about 61k words, which is approximately 122 A4 pages, which is also about the same as the word count of Carrie by Stephen King! (I never read it, but it’s still super freaking impressive!!)

And let me be sappy for a moment lol:) After years of stalking the tumblr litg tag, I finally caved in and made myself a sideblog too lol! I had a very very shitty year, but this place has been my safe space. I am so grateful I got to know so many of you - you are all so wonderful and funny and talented and inspiring! I’m not usually a hug person, but I am squeezing you all so tight right now❤️ thank you for being here and ranting/venting/crying/laughing with me, I love you all!❤️❤️❤️

Tagging: I feel like at this point everyone’s done it, but if you haven’t and you want to - I’m tagging you! I am so so proud of all of you for all the hard work you’ve done this year!!

Happy New Year, my lovely friends! Wishing you all peace, kindness, and lots of wonderful moments in 2023! I hope it treats you well ❤️❤️❤️

[cdmagic1408]

Hello! Hello!! Hello!!!

Quest Masters! Friends! Followers, old and new! Anybody who’s reading this! Greetings all!

Soooooooo…uh…yeah…I uh…I kinda disappeared for quite a while there, didn’t I?…he he… 😅

but FEAR NOT! Because everything’s cool!

Well actually…it’s MORE than cool because as of two Fridays ago, I AM NOW OFFICIALLY A COLLEGE GRADUATE!!! With Magna Cum Laude honors!! AHHHHHHHHH!!! 🎓 😃 🙌

Long story short: THAT’S where I’ve been

Long story long? Well…I might get into that later…maybe, maybe not...we'll see...there’s so much more I want to say right now…like no joke I was legit going make this one of those on-and-on rambling posts, in fact I really did type this as one of those posts at first cause I tend to be a rambler lol...

but then I realized it was a little too much, I mean for real if it was too much for me I knew full well it’d be too much for you all 😵‍💫

I’ve just come back here! And I kinda wanna take it slow in a way, you know? 🙂

Really the important thing is that I've returned! And I’m gonna start posting regularly again beginning today! 📝

After spending the first of my two weeks post-graduation getting cozy back in my hometown again, I’ve been spending this last week or so prepping my return here, figuring out what I want to post and what changes and adjustments I want to make...one of them being creating and putting in a much needed updated pfp and header! Which I've done, uploaded, so I can check the box on that! ✅

But yeah there are more updates to come obviously cause believe it or not, the very huge posting block I had all the way back in fall/winter is gone now and I have a full note list of things I want to say and share on here! Including a new blog series idea that I believe will benefit me, you guys, and won't take a whole lot of work...you’ll see what I mean later… 👀

So again...HELLO! good to be here! and I'm excited to be with you all again too! I am finally free from the school/working world for the time being, and while I spend the next who-knows-how-many months looking for an internship that’ll hopefully land me a full-time job, I can honestly think of no better place to be than to come back here and express myself again! 😄 ✍️ 🎨 🖌️ 🎬 🎞️

[catrillion]

Automata Weekly Update 2/4/23

I decided I wanna start sharing excerpts each week of things I've written for Automata while also sharing my progress for that week! Mostly it's so I can look back and see my progress over time, but also it's a fun way to share bits of what I've written.

So this week, I wrote 9k words. I focused a lot on Toru, Nami, Hyakuji, and Rikka- I love writing for these guys, too, because they each have such fun personalities and play off of each other so well.

Also!! This week I had the special experience of writing something that made me cry! How exciting!! (It's not the part I'm sharing today lol, sorry)

Anyway. As of today, my total word count for Automata is 90,313. I'm hoping to make it to 100k by the end of the month. Now that I'm not feeling sick, I think I can do it! Honestly, so long as nothing big happens, I think I can do it in the next week or two.

Under this read more, I have an excerpt I wrote this week- this is like the only part I worked on this week that isn't full of spoilers lol.

The blonde girl- the one with the short hair who wasn’t Nami- was a few steps behind him and also had a bag of her own slung over her shoulder. “I can get the door, you know! You don’t have to-”

Out of nowhere, there was the sound of commotion behind him. Akashi turned back to doors to the cafeteria- Hyakuji had kicked them open and was making his way to the side of the room toward the kitchen. He had two large cloth bags that were full-to-bursting.

“If you weren’t so slow,” he shouted back over his shoulder, “I wouldn’t have to!”

Akashi looked around the room. Everyone had already gone back to their regular conversations. This must have been a pretty regular occurrence.

Rikka caught up with Hyakuji and pushed him with her free hand before blowing past him. “Jackass,” she barked back at him. Weirdly, she followed it up immediately with a laugh.

A man popped his head out of the kitchen. “You two should be careful or else we’re gonna lose all of the groceries again,” he admonished.

“She started it,” Hyakuji huffed.

She didn’t argue. She just stuck out her tongue.

Irekae scoffed, drawing Akashi’s attention back to their table. “They’re so immature,” he grumbled. He looked back at Akashi. “You said you’re training with him today?”

He nodded. “Right after lunch.”

“Ugh. I wish you’d done us all a favor and did kill him the other day.”

“Irekae!”

“What? I’m joking.” Irekae leaned in toward Akashi. He placed his elbow on the table and jabbed his thumb behind him at Hyakuji, who was still unloading the contents of the bags and arguing with the kitchen staff. “But seriously, it’s not too late. He’d never see it coming and-”

Izumi swatted his hand. “You’re the worst,” she huffed.

“Yeah, yeah. So? How about it?”

As much as he didn’t want to do this training session, he was even less keen on this idea. “Uh, sorry. I don’t think I’m going to do that.”

He threw his hands up. “Man, what good is having the Guild’s combot around if you’re not even gonna kill a few annoying people?”

“We told you, Irekae-kun; he’s not the Guild’s weapon.”

“Uh-huh.” He didn’t sound very confident in that.

He decided he was going to assume that Irekae had been joking- the alternative seemed just as likely, but he didn’t want to think about that- and rubbed the back of his neck. “To be honest, I’m... I’m nervous about training with him.”

“You should be,” Irekae said. Even though he was agreeing with him, three comment didn't feel particularly helpful.

“He’s really not so bad,” Izumi responded.

Oukan nodded. “Yeah. Hyakuji’s funny.”

He looked back at them both. He wasn’t sure if he agreed with Oukan’s assessment.

That was when Hyakuji noticed Akashi looking his way. He shouted, “Oi! Okashi!”

“Aw shit, he’s coming over,” Irekae hissed.

And coming over he was. Rikka followed, hovering a few steps behind the entire way.

Hyakuji slammed his hands on the table. “Okashi, I hope you haven’t forgotten about training today,” he said, still shouting as if they were still across the room from one another.

He looked up at Hyakuji. It just means he likes you, he reminded himself. “We were just talking about that, actually.”

“Great. And this time, look out- I'm not going easy on you again.”

He looked around the table. “O-okay.”

Oukan leapt up in her seat. “Hey! Hyakuji! Did you bring us anything good this time?”

“Something up to the palates of this here picky eaters association? Doubt it.” He gestured with his thumb back at the kitchen. “The soup kitchen had some extra ingredients they wanted to share, so we’ve got leeks, onions, a few potatoes-“

Oukan scrunched up her nose.

He laughed. “Hey, it’s free veggies. You know how much a damn potato goes for these days?”

The girl cleared her throat. “Hey. Hyakuji.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, alright Rikka. Look, I gotta go finish getting this put away.” He pointed at Akashi. “I’ll see you after ‘lunch.’” Once again he was laughing.

He knew he was making fun of him, but Akashi just nodded. “Okay. I'll be there.”

Hyakuji knocked his knuckles against the table and turned to get back to his chores. Rikka followed again, but her icy glare was trained on Akashi the entire way.

[ggwritesstuff]

Move Over. (18+)

pairing: sam winchester x female reader

summary: Sam gets a little too close when you’re sharing a bed with him. Sexual frustration from not getting laid in too long has you saying some dirty things

warnings: smut smut smut!!! 18+ please!! praise kink, mild choking, mild spanking, so much dirty talk, pet names, creampie, dom!Sam, sub!reader, basically a lot of sin so as always, please read at your own discretion<3

a/n: this is SO long it’s kinda a slow burn even though there’s basically no plot LOL, there’s a lot of dialogue bc i’m a slut for sexy dialogue. this is my first smut piece so any feedback is greatly appreciated!!<3 i feel like i need to go to church after writing this

Sharing a bed with Sam isn’t the easiest task in the world as it is, but being in such a close space with him and not having gotten laid in months is enough to drive me to the brink of insanity. The fact that I can feel his warm breath across my back certainly wasn’t helping.

“Sam, unless you’re going to fuck me silly, I’m really gonna need to move over a bit.” I blurted with no shame in my lack of censorship.

And do you know what this man did?

He moved closer. Didn’t even say anything.

“Dude, I’m not kidding. I’m like, one hefty gust of wind from having a problem. Please.” I said bluntly.

“You sound so pretty when you say ‘please’.” His words ghosted the nape of my neck, making me shudder.

Sam then inched even closer, placing his hand on my exposed waist. “What do you think you’re doing?” I asked him. Goosebumps spread across my body like wildfire when I felt his lips graze the space between my neck and my shoulder.

“Don’t act like you don’t want this, like you don’t need this.” He murmured against my skin while his massive hand began to roam around my body. “You’ve been eyeing me down like a piece of meat for weeks now.”

“Sam…” I practically moaned. “Don’t start something you’re not ready to finish.”

He pushed me onto my back with one hand before climbing on top of me, a devious smirk played at his lips. “I’m not gonna jump in the deep end if I can’t swim.” He said dauntingly.

As if my sense of self respect was left at the door, I hoisted myself up from my position in bed and pressed a needy, bruising kiss to his lips. Sam returned it, but only so briefly. He wrapped a hand around my throat, pushed me back onto the flimsy pillow and clicked his tongue in a disapproving manner. “I thought you’d have known better than to try to take charge here, doll.” He teased, loosening his grip on my throat.

I gazed up at him with doe eyes. “Don’t be so coy. I know you want me to take control, made to be a good girl for me.” His final words words were emphasized as he ground his hips against me, a pathetic moan fell from my lips. Sam chuckled softly at my response and said “That’s what I thought. You gonna be a good girl for me then?” I nodded furiously in response, he dug his fingers into my thigh. “Words, precious.”

“Y-yeah, Sam. I’ll be good.” I stuttered.

“You call me sir when we’re together like this, understood?” Sam said, his fingers dug deeper into my thigh just enough to blur the line between pain and pleasure.

“Yes, sir.” I obeyed. He released his grip on my thigh and smoothed his palm over the marks he left.

“Such a good girl already.” He admired before going in for a hungry, desperate kiss. Sam wrapped his arm under my back and swiftly changed our position so that I was in his lap and he pulled my shirt over my head. There was one hand gripping my hip and guiding me to grind against his already stiff length while the other became entangled in my hair. I felt myself growing hotter between my thighs with every nibble at my neck and every tug at my hair, he was turning me into a whimpering, pathetic mess.

Eventually, he pulled away and laid back against the headboard. A smug look spread across his face as he watched me grind against him. “Y’look so pretty working your hips like that. You like the way that feels, don’t you?” He praised. “Should I give you a little more, precious?”

“Please, sir…need you to fuck me.” I begged.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, gotta get you nice and ready first.” He replied, flipping me onto my back once again and stood on his knees between my legs. His eyes fell to my lower half and reached out to graze his fingertips across my core, feeling the wetness that soaked through my thin shorts before hooking a finger in the waistband. A quiet groan vibrated in his chest at the feeling. “God damn, how long has it been since you’ve been touched, huh? I’ve barely touched you, doll.”

“Long time, sir.” I breathed out while he pulled off both my shorts and panties. Sam sat back on his heels and dragged a calloused finger down my slit, teasing my entrance. I tried to move my hips in an attempt to slide it in, but he held me in place.

“Tell me, precious, how often d’you touch yourself? You’re so needy, I’m sure you do it often.” He taunted as he reached to rub circles around my clit, evoking a pathetic whine from me.

“Yeah, sir, a lot.”

“You think of me when you do?” He questioned just before he finally slipped his finger into me, “Think about how good my fingers would feel stuffed in this pretty pussy?” His fingers curled to brush right against my sweet spot while I nodded, moans tumbling from my lips. “Of course you do. Tell me how they feel, pretty girl.” He cooed, his fingers keeping a steady pace.

“Feels so fucking good, sir. Need more, please.”

Sam lowered himself onto his stomach and peppered soft kisses up my thighs until I could feel the heat of his breath on my clit. “Bet you taste so sweet.” He whispered and licked a thick stripe through my core, my hands instantly went to tangle themselves in his hair. His fingers continued to thrust in and out as he lapped and sucked at my clit, I felt the already tightly wound coil within me just aching to snap.

“Sir, m’gonna cum, please.” I cried, my grip on his long locks tightened. He suddenly pulled his fingers away and sat up as he licked them clean.

“On your hands and knees for me.” Sam ordered. “I’ll let you cum soon, precious. Gonna cum with you.” He said as he stood up to remove his sweats and boxers, his intimidating length springing free. I followed his instruction and got on my knees. “Good girl.” He purred as he set his hand on my ass cheek. “Been wanting to get you on your knees for me.”

He teased my entrance with his tip, dragging it through my folds before gently pushing himself into me. The euphoric feeling of his length and thickness made me cry out in pleasure while he continued to slowly inch himself in. “How’s that feel, baby? Think you can take more?” He asked, pressing a soft kiss between my shoulder blades.

“More, please, fuck.” I panted. Sam gripped my hips tightly and thrusted into me, I had to stifle a scream.

“Look at that.” He admired as he stood still, allowing me to adjust to his size. “Takin’ this cock so good. So fuckin tight around me.” My walls fluttered at the sound of his dirty words and he finally began to move.

But the movement of his hips was painfully slow for too long. “I told you to fuck me silly, pick up the pace.” I groaned. Without warning, Sam drilled himself into me, harder and faster than I’d ever been fucked before.

“Careful what you wish for, doll.” He grunted and brought a hand down to smack my ass.

“Oh, fuck! More, Sir, please.” I screamed, forgetting that motel walls were paper thin. He brought down another loud smack and then started to slow down again. I felt a hand travel up my back and he wrapped my hair around his fist, forcing my head up while his thrusts completely stilled.

He leaned down to get closer to my ear, “fuck yourself on my cock, princess. C’mon.” The warmth of his breath sent shivers down my spine again. I ground myself back onto him, rocking back and forth on my hands and knees and feeling every inch of him. I was moaning like a pornstar at this point. “That’s a good fuckin’ girl, just like that. How long have you been waiting to have this cock buried in you, huh?” Sam crooned and reached over to circle my clit.

“So- so long, Sir, fuck.” I said through moans.

“You gettin’ close, precious? Want me to make you cum?” He asked, the speed of his fingers quickened against my nerves while I continue to grind myself against him. “On your back, baby. Wanna see your pretty face when you cum.”

He pulled out and my walls clenched at nothing as I fell on my back. Sam wedged himself between my thighs and aligned himself with my entrance before bucking his hips forward. “Rub that pretty pussy for me, make yourself feel good.” He instructed while burying his face into the crook of my neck and placing his lips to the sweaty, salty skin. My fingers found their way to my clit and drew circles around it. His thrusts quickened until he was furiously pounding into me. Strings of curse words mixed with the sound of skin slapping against skin filled the small room and I could tell he was close.

“Oh, fuck- cum inside me, please Sir. Please, let me cum.” I pleaded as I kept toying with my clit.

“Fuck, that’s so hot.” Sam grunted. “Gonna fill this pussy real good…Gonna make it mine.” His cock twitched inside me as he spoke and his thrusts became sloppier. “Cum for me, precious. Cum on my cock.” I finally toppled over, a wave of ecstasy crashing over me and my eyes rolled to the back of my head as he spilled his release in me. We rode our orgasms out together before Sam collapsed onto the bed next to me, his chest heaved as he caught his breath.

“Told you I’m always ready to finish.” He said through an exhausted laugh. “C’mon, let’s go get cleaned up.” He pulled me off the bed and placed a sweet kiss to my temple before leading me to the bathroom.

[catgirlforkaeya]

kaeya relationship hcs

kaeya x gn!reader

little bit of everything (fluff, hurt/comfort, crack, little bit of angst)

also kinda a modern au ig idk tvs exist

warnings: not proofread + all lowercase

a/n: i’m procrastinating requests and sleep rn so take these. there’s no specific theme just random hcs my sleep deprived brain thought of. i’ll add onto this randomly probably but feel free to comment hcs in the comments/ send to dms or ask box i would love to hear them (pls i am desperate)

!! also spoilers for kaeya’s lore, if u don’t know it i recommend looking it up before u read this !!

ok i’m gonna start with the obvious stuff here: i see a lot of people saying “oh kaeya would manipulate his s/o and cheat on them blah blah blah” then continues to say stuff that makes him seem like an ass (if you’ve ever said this dni /hj). the poor guy has lost sm people in his life & more than likely has abandonment issues so why would he purposely do something to drive his s/o away/hurt them? plus it’s canon that he really only is manipulative when it comes to getting information out of people which is normal in that line of work ig

more utc!!

i feel like he’d be possessive over you but not in a creepy insane way more of a “i don’t want to lose you so i do my best to keep tabs on you to make sure you’re safe” (a caring way ig)

very touchy. he doesn’t go all out in public (just a half on the waist, holding hands, sharing kisses, small acts like that) but in private my god he cannot keep his hands off of you. constantly is cuddling with you, runs his hands up and down your body during makeout sessions, playing with your hair while you two sit on the couch/lay in bed watching tv. literally does everything he can to constantly be touching you

NECK KISSES. kaeya would 100% love neck kisses (giving and receiving). sometimes his neck kisses are soft and other times they’re rougher. he def leaves a hickey on you at least once or twice a week. and when you give him a kiss on the neck he’d melt on the spot

isn’t very open with you at first but once you two get further into your relationship & you prove that he can trust you he’ll open up about stuff. it’ll be a slow process because he’s never really shared any of this with people & he’s scared what you’ll think of him after you learn about his past

def rarely ever cries. you always remind him that it’s okay to cry but hes gotten so used to bottling up emotions he just doesn’t know how to cry whenever he wants. when he does finally break though it’s basically non-stop for a few hours. weeks, months, even years of emotions are bottled up in his body so a lot comes out when he breaks. you are always there for him no matter what. holding him in ur arms as he cries into your shoulder, giving advice the best you can, giving small reminders that you love him in between kisses

insomnia. this man has been through so much shit i feel like he just has frequent nightmares of stuff. those nightmares cause him to be scared to sleep for a day or two because he doesn’t want to experience it again. you do your best to stay up w him to keep company but you usually crash around 3-4am

hates storms. his lore mentioned there was a bad storm when his father left him & the night crepus died and that whole fiasco afterwards so it’d make sense. tries his best to hide it at first but eventually gives up. usually just turns the tv up high and buries his head into your chest

drinks a lot (which is obvious) even at home. whenever he starts having problems mentally he drowns it with alcohol. it’s never a problem because he honestly is just a sad drunk and usually ends up venting about stuff randomly but it just concerns you. probably stopped drinking as much since you came into his life tho

has scars/burn marks that he’s insecure about but when you trace them/give them kisses all those insecurities fade away

overworks himself. ik he’s seen as lazy and stuff but i feel like he’d purposely just drown himself in work as a distraction from life to the point you have to go and drag him out of his office

ok back to happy stuff, he definitely likes it when you play with his hair. most likely is very touch starved so that small action is like heaven to him

his love language is a mix of all of them but prob mostly touch, words of affirmation, or acts of service

uses a lot of pet names for you but mostly uses darling, sweetheart, hun, babe, or love

when he works late shifts and you fall asleep before he gets home he will probably feel awful (even tho you’ve reminded him that it’s okay & you understand). crawls into bed and holds you in his arms while whisper sweet nothings even if you’re dead asleep. does his best to not wake you but sometimes does just to let you know he’s home safe

takes you stargazing. i feel like kaeya likes the stars bc he finds peace in them somehow. will 100% take you onto rooftops in mondstadt at random hours to lay up there and look at the sky. would say some cheesy comment like “out of all of these stars you light up my night the most”

loves taking showers/baths together. even if you don’t actually shower he enjoys it either way. half the time you can never get anything done because he’s just giving a bunch of kisses and teasing you

absolutely loves seeing you in his clothes. he finds it adorable and if the shirt is oversized on you that’s even better for him

he will paint your nails. i’m not going into detail here he would just simply paint them i’m not taking any arguments

the last like hour before you two go to bed he just constantly reminds you how much he loves you, how much you mean to him, how he wants to have a future with you, etc while he holds you close in his arms

you don’t have to fight over blankets since he sleeps so close to you it doesn’t matter you two have plenty of blanket space

prefers being the big spoon but doesn’t mind being the little spoon occasionally. when he’s the big spoon he feels like he can protect you more

has you sleep on his side where his eyepatch isn’t at (i can’t remember what side it’s on i’m sorry it’s 4am rn). at first you didn’t really understand but he later explained that he just feels he can protect you better (when he gets comfortable enough to take it off it doesn’t matter what side)

as i’ve mentioned in these past few points kaeya is VERY protective of you. again not in a weird way he just doesn’t want you to get ripped away from him. if u mention somebody fucked with you he’d “talk to them in private” and then they’d never mess with you again

i feel like he’s a good cook idk he just has that energy, it’s not something he talks about but is good at it and really only ever cooks for the two of you

will take care of you the best he can when you’re sick. you scold him saying he’s going to get sick too but he doesn’t listen

absolutely LOVES books and reads in his freetime. it’s kinda a guilty pleasure for him but he constantly shares it with you and sometimes even has you read it with him

takes you ice skating in the winter, he’s prob a pro at it and loves teaching you how to skate

cold ass hands. i mean he’s a cryo user what would you expect. it’s helpful in the summer though

barely ever wears a shirt on around the house, even if it’s cold as hell he just doesn’t put one on. you don’t mind seeing him shirtless but u are always so lost on how he doesn’t get cold at all

gets you a lot of random gifts— half the time you don’t even expect them but you love and cherish them because they came from kaeya

© all rights reserved to catgirlforkaeya. reposting, plagiarizing, modifying, and translating is NOT allowed.

[golbrocklovely]

never needed // colby brock

A/N: so fun fact about this fic is that i came up with it last year back in november. it was around the time me and my ex best friend stopped being friends. i was really in such a rough headspace, and i think the concept shows it. i just finished writing it today and wow... i still feel this way to some extent, but not fully (thank god). also i literally cried while writing it today so there’s that. hope yall enjoy this one. i'm trying to post a bunch of fics since this coming week is my bday (the 14th). no guarantees, but i'm trying my best to put out at least six things. let me know what you think of this one. see yall later :)

prompt: colby has been ghosting you for a while, just when things were starting to get good between you two. after a week of ignoring you, he’s finally ready to talk. || fem!reader x colby brock

trigger warning: angst, cursing, heartache, crying, honestly this one is really sad so sorry about that, happy ending tho

word count: 2331

~~~~~~~

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I groaned to myself, staring at my phone.

Colby was still ignoring me, something I had grown accustomed to this week. He had ghosted my calls and my texts. He turned his read notifications off too, so I had no clue whether or not he had even seen my messages at all.

Everything had been going great between us. We had met a couple years back and hit it off as friends right away. I always thought he was attractive, and our friendship was always really flirty; so much so that fans thought we were together. And then finally, something clicked a couple months back. I wasn't sure if it was the accidental drunken kiss we shared, or just a built up of feelings, but we finally decided that maybe we should test out an actual relationship.

We promised each other we would take it slow, both of us still heartbroken from our previous relationships and our general trust issues. But these past two months, we went into overdrive, actually taking the time to feel each other out as boyfriend and girlfriend.

And for the first time, I felt happy. Genuinely happy.

A week ago, we had even gone on a cute little date, something we had started doing regularly. We were in the middle of our conversation; I remember I laughed hard at something he said. It was loud enough that some of the patrons in the restaurant stared at us. And when he tried to shush me jokingly, a silence had fallen over us.

His face dropped suddenly, he became super serious and quiet, and then he asked if we could go home.

He told me the next day that he thought he got food poisoning and it just hit him in the restaurant. I didn't think anything of it and was fine with going home early.

But now, I wonder if he was lying.

I looked back down at my phone, reading over my messages from the past week to him.

Was I taking this too far? He could have just been busy. I don't wanna come across as clingy.

"Ugh, fuck that." I muttered out loud to myself, rolling out of my bed to get a drink.

I didn't care if I came across as clingy. I had a right to know why he was ignoring me. If it was work related, he would have told me. He had done that in the past before.

This was different, I just knew it.

Tomorrow, I planned to go over and see him. I would have done it tonight, but I knew he wasn't home. He was out with some friends at Saddle Ranch. Like a fan, I had to watch his stories on Insta, since that was the only way I knew where he was.

"Don't expect too much from him." Sam said.

I shook my head at that memory. When we got together, everyone was happy for us. But I could feel a certain tension in the room, a certain caveat that wasn't being mentioned. Later that night, Sam and I were by ourselves, and he asked me if Colby and I had really made our relationship official. I told him we hadn't gone all the way, but that we were taking it one step at a time.

"I'm happy for you guys, really. I just wonder..." His voice trailed off.

I cocked my head. "Wonder what?"

"Look, I love you both, but I don't know if Colby is really ready for a relationship. There's a lot of things he still needs to work through." He stated.

"We're not that serious." I laughed.

"Yeah, yet. If you plan to be, I just don't want you to get your heart broken because he wasn't ready." Sam admitted.

I patted his shoulder lightly, smiling. "Relax, Samuel. Everything will be fine."

"Alright. Just... don't expect too much from him, okay?" He mentioned, his eyes narrowing on mine.

That had been two months ago and... I think I should have heeded his warning.

A loud knock at my front door brought me out of my thoughts, scaring me. I grabbed a knife from my kitchen, striding over to the door. I glance through the peephole to see who was there.

Colby's face stared back.

"Y/N, it's me. Can you open the door?" He called.

I scowled at him through the peephole. "Sorry she's not home right now. Maybe you should try responding to her texts.”

“Look I'm sorry, but that's why I came over. I wanted to talk in person.” He replied.

“Damn, that’s a shame. Too bad she’s not home!” I exclaimed angrily.

“C’mon now, don’t be childish.” He remarked.

I swung the door open, holding back from yelling into my hallway. “Childish?!”

He smirked at me. “I knew that would get you to open the door.”

“You’re not funny.” I deadpanned, glaring at him.

“Can you please let me in? I seriously want to talk.” Colby responded, his eyes landing on mine.

“No, Colby. It’s one o’clock in the morning, I don’t feel like talking, and you’re drunk.” I jeered, resting my hands on my hips.

He scrunched up his face dramatically. “No, I’m not. I only had like two drinks.”

“Oh my mistake. I figured a person that randomly comes over to talk at the ass-crack of night is usually drunk,” I quipped. “Don’t you have better things to do, like be at Saddle Ranch?”

He stepped back, raising an eyebrow. “How’d you know I was at Saddle Ranch?”

I could feel my cheeks heat up. “Because… I watched your stories.”

“Nice to know you pay attention to me,” he uttered under his breath. “Please let me in.”

“No. Fuck off, Colby.” I hissed.

He rolled his eyes at my comment. “If you don’t let me in, I’m just gonna make noise out here in the hallway until you do.”

“Bet.” I huffed.

“What was your favorite movie again… ‘10 Things I Hate About You’?” He questioned, stepping back further into the hallway.

I blinked. “Yeah, so what?”

He looked up at me, giving me a devilish smile. “…You’re just too good to be true.”

My face dropped at his voice. “Colby.”

“Can’t take my eyes off of you.” He sang, pointing at me.

“Are you really-” I started.

He cut me off, running his hands down his body. “You’d be like heaven to touch.”

I hushed. “Seriously stop-”

“I wanna hold you so much.” He closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around himself.

I grunted, smacking my hand towards him. “Colby, it’s one in the morn-”

“At long last, love has arrived.” He opened his arms wide.

“Shut the fuck up!” I whisper-shouted.

“And I thank God I'm alive.” Colby praised up towards the ceiling.

I retorted. “You’re fucking embarrass-”

He spun in a circle slowly. “You're just too good to be true.”

“I knew giving you the code to my apartment was a bad idea.” I grumbled.

“Can't take my eyes off of you.” He winked, pointing at me again.

Colby took a big inhale, ready to start singing the music, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him into my apartment.

I slammed my door shut, locking it quickly. “Next time you do something like that, I’m gonna kill you.”

“That’s not very- why do you have a knife?” He motioned toward the knife sitting on my side table.

“What-? Oh, I thought you were an intruder.” I explained.

He lightly smiled, his dimples appearing. “You think an intruder would knock?”

I snapped, annoyed. “Aren’t you here to apologize?”

“Right, right,” he cleared his throat, his demeanor changing. “Y/N, I’m deeply sorry.”

“Sure.” I narrowed my eyes, walking towards my kitchen.

He followed me. “I know what I did was fucked up. I should have responded to you.”

“You completely ignored me for over a week.” I informed him, resting my back against the counter.

He nodded. “I know. I shouldn’t have done that.”

I crossed my arms uncomfortably. “…were you busy?”

“No, not really.” He divulged, dropping his head.

“So, you purposefully ignored my calls and text…” I could feel my hands shake against my arms.

“You make it sound bad-” He mumbled.

“It is that bad.” I emphasized, stopping him. “Colby, you wanna talk about being childish? That shit was childish.”

He agreed. “I know it was.”

“Obviously not since you keep joking about it.” I argued.

“I’m not trying to joke,” he protested, running his hands through his hair. “Do you wanna know the honest to God truth?”

“Of course I do.” I answered, furrowing my eyebrows.

He exhaled, glancing at me. “When we first got together, even though we were taking it slow, I was terrified to date you.”

“Terrified?” I puzzled.

He swallowed hard. “Yes. Scared shitless.”

“Why?” I questioned.

“I thought it was because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. But then… at dinner,” his voice lowered, his shoulders dropping. “I realized it was more than that.”

I shook my head, confused. “What are you ta-”

“I’m falling in love with you, Y/N.” He confessed.

His words made me step back, my breath hitching in my throat.

I choked. “What?”

“When you laughed really hard, and did that cute snort thing you do, I remember we looked at each other… and all I saw was you,” his eyes bore into mine, causing goosebumps to rise all over my skin. “No one else in that restaurant existed. And in that moment, I wanted to tell you I love you.”

I stammered out words, unable to think clearly. “S-so… you-”

“When I felt it, I knew I had to go home. Because I was just so shocked at the feeling. I haven’t felt that way for anyone in a long time.” He sighed exhaustingly, “and… I apologize that I ignored you. Every time I saw your messages, I knew I should have responded. But my body, my mind, wouldn’t let me.”

I frowned. “Because you love me?”

“Because… I’m scared to love you.” He admitted.

A heavy silence fell over the apartment. I shuddered out an exhale, not even noticing I had been holding my breath in for so long. Colby closed his eyes, twisting up his face, and turned his back to me.

“Why are you scared to love me?” I gulped, scared of his answer.

His shoulders tensed as he gripped the counter. “The last time you felt heartbroken… did it leave you feeling empty? Because that’s how I felt… for so long. It’s not even the empty feeling that bothered me. It was the fact that I knew something used to be there… and now it’s gone. I miss who I was before.”

I opened my mouth, but no words escaped.

“I have this deep, guttural feeling that you’re gonna realize I’m not worth loving, and that there is someone else out there that is, and you’re gonna leave me.” His voice trembled as he spoke, “everyone… always leaves me.”

I gasped quietly. “Colby-”

He turned back to me, his face becoming red. “I just feel like no one ever needs me, you know? Like some people only keep me around because they don’t have the heart to just tell me they don’t care anymore. Even Sam has someone else.

I consoled. “That’s not-”

“And I know it’s selfish to want everyone around me to only want me. I don’t really feel that way. I just… don’t feel like anyone really needs me as much as I need them,” his chest quaked as his breathing began to speed up. “And when you realize it too… I don’t think I can live through that fall out again. I don’t think I’m gonna survive it.”

“Wait, Col-” I murmured.

“At that dinner, I had this gut-wrenching anxiety come over me; a voice in my head that said ‘she’s gonna leave you too’ and… I’m just so sorry.” He panted, his eyes welling up.

I wrapped my arms around him tightly, pressing his body into mine as hard as I could. He buried his face into my neck, his body almost going limp against mine.

I couldn’t help my own tears spill as they landed on his shirt. “Baby, why didn’t you tell me you were feeling this way before?”

“I was ashamed. I should be stronger than this.” He fumed through his tears.

I rubbed his face lovingly. “Who said that? You are strong. Expressing your emotions is strong.”

He nodded, croaking. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. Can you forgive me?”

“Of course. How about tonight you stay over, and then in the morning, we’ll talk about this more? Okay?” I suggested, resting my hands on his forearms.

“Yeah.” He whimpered.

I smiled brokenly. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”

I lightly grasped Colby’s hand, pulling him slowly into my bedroom. He stumbled along, his head remaining down.

I sat him down on the bed and slid off his jacket, placing it on my dresser. I cupped his face, tracing his jaw with my fingers. His eyes finally landed on mine as I tilted his head up.

I leaned down and kissed his lips, resting my forehead against his.

“I’m not gonna leave you, Colby.” I stated, gazing into his eyes.

He begged in a hushed tone. “Please don’t.”

“I won’t. I promise.” I reassured, kissing his forehead.

I walked over to the other side of my bed and laid down. Colby kicked off his shoes, taking his belt off and pulling his jeans down. After getting undressed, he slid into bed with me, laying his head down softly on my chest. Wrapping his arms around me, he buried his head into my neck again, sighing against my skin. I ran my fingers through his hair, a light hum falling from his lips. I ran my other hand up and down his spine, feeling him shiver under my touch.

“We’ll be okay, Colby.” I whispered.