#it’s become a lot more expensive than it was 5 years ago

[thatonceandfutureprat]

A hundred and fourteen euro

To get my eyes tested

Officially

So I can drive for five years

Fuck bring chronically ill, omg.

[scarlet-star-witch]

The moon and his sun (Part IV)

Aemond Targaryen x female reader

Summary: People would remember their story. Even decades after they were gone, Septa’s would tell young children about the one-eyed dragon prince and his sweet wife as if they were a part of a fairytale, too good to be true for the harshness real life possessed.

Aemond meets a young girl who quickly becomes his most cherished friend and changes the course of history.

Word count: 11.5 K

Warnings: Angst begins, still lots of fluff, smut (of course), Aegon still being an ass

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5

~~

The court was in a frenzy.

The news of their betrothal spread through King’s Landing like wildfire. It was all anyone could talk about for days on end. Some felt vindicated, that the rumors they had been spreading for months had finally come to fruition, while others were skeptical, unsure of what such a sweet young girl saw in the surly one-eyed Prince. 

The gossip was never ending, with many speculating the couple had been consorting inappropriately in private. While many knew of Ixtal’s customs, that they weren’t as strict about their Ladies maidenhood as they were in the rest of Westeros, it didn’t stop the looks of indignation she received from certain members of the court who turned their noses up at the mere possibility she had sullied herself before her marriage.

While Aemond hated the speculation and had to be held back more than once from storming over to a group of tittering Ladies and threatening to take their tongues for daring to speak ill of his betrothed, she found it laughable. She had to remind her betrothed they weren’t exactly wrong. 

Their nights of pleasure together were only all the more exciting and mind blowing knowing they would have each other forever, that they no longer needed to fear what the future held. 

They could finally relax, they would soon be each other’s in the eyes of the Gods and no one could take that away from them. 

Their wedding was spared no expense. Lords and Ladies of great houses from across the realm traveled to the Capitol to witness the union of a Targaryen Prince and the daughter of the most prosperous house in the realm. 

Aemond paid no mind to the fanfare. All he cared about was her. 

He barely got to see her in the weeks leading up to their wedding, with her swept up with the Ladies of the court in dress fittings and as her family arrived at King’s Landing, she was rarely seen without her dear younger sister or mother at her side. 

The King demanded a three day tourney be held to celebrate, with lavish hunts and feasts raving practically each night. Aemond had never seen his father so excited and he knew it had little to do with him and all to do with his dear friend, the Lord of Ixtal, that their families would officially be uniting. 

He rolled his eyes at the whole affair. He just wanted to marry his love. He didn’t want all this attention and unnecessary flourish. 

She would laugh softly everytime he slunk into her chambers at night, her bright eyes alight with mischief, a delighted smile on her face at the annoyance on his.

“Couldn’t stay away?”

“You know I couldn’t.” He crooned, inhaling her scent as he hugged her tightly from behind. “Are you ready for tomorrow?”

“I am.” She answered with a blissful smile. “Are you?”

“I was ready to marry you years ago.” 

She practically swooned, leaning her head back onto his shoulder, her gaze filled with nothing but devotion. She never would have pictured this for herself. She never could have imagined she would be able to marry her best friend, that she would find a love so pure and so beautiful for herself. She didn’t think that kind of love even existed. 

“Everything seems so perfect.” She spoke softly, reveling in his embrace. 

He hummed in agreement, wishing they could go find a Maester now to perform a ceremony and bind themselves together. He didn’t want to wait another minute. He just wanted to be her husband. 

The next morning, the entire Keep was a flurry of activity. Maids scurried in and out of her chambers to prepare her, most desperate to catch a glimpse of the Island girl that would soon become a Targaryen princess. 

She sat nervously at her vanity, her hands fidgeting in her lap. 

Today was the day she would finally marry her best friend. It all seemed too good to be true, as though they had gotten away with some elaborate plan. 

“You look beautiful, my love.” Her mother spoke, her eyes already brimming my tears.

“I’m not even in my dress yet.” She laughed as her mother waved her off, wiping under her eyes as she had been doing all morning. 

To her left, Alicent stood, her demeanor much more reserved than that of her own mother and sister, who could barely contain their excitement. The Queen had yet to crack a smile since she had entered her chambers and had been silently picking out jewelry for her to wear, barely sparing a glance to her soon to be good daughter. 

A nervous lump grew in her throat. She didn’t have the best relationship with Aemond’s mother, even as children, the woman seemed disinterested in speaking more than a few words to her. She at least thought the day she wedded her son she’d try to bridge the gap between them, but it seemed she still had little interest. 

She didn’t seem all that thrilled her son was even getting married. 

The maids around her all gestured for her to stand and move towards the floor length mirror, their excited giggles growing in volume as her dress was brought forward. 

Her breath hitched. It was real. This was happening. 

Her heart was racing as the maids helped her dress, her eyes beginning to sting with the pressure to cry the happiest of tears. 

“I assume you know what is expected of you tonight.” Alicent’s voice broke through the throng of excited chattering, abruptly shattering the positive energy in the room. 

The way Alicent looked at her, so intently, almost judgmentally, made her want to shrink. She swallowed and nodded. 

She felt a hand at her shoulder, her mother’s presence steadily at her side.

“We have already discussed what her duty is tonight.” Her mother answered for her, her voice sounder stiffer than before. 

Her mother had been in King’s Landing barely a day before she figured out what her daughter and her betrothed had been up to for months. Aemond had been horrified when his future good mother blurted out their long held secret. 

She was sure he would be blushing for the rest of his life. Even after her mother laughed heartily and assured them she would never tell a soul, that she held no judgment for them, he still had trouble meeting her eye out of sheer embarrassment. 

With one look at Alicent, the Lady of Ixtal knew she would do whatever she needed to do, say whatever she needed to say, to not let the frigid woman before her try to sink her claws into her daughter. 

She would not ruin her daughter’s big day. 

 Alicent hummed, the sound neither that of satisfaction or disdain, and she remained quiet, though her critical eye never lessened. She had no compliments for the young girl who donned her beautiful, extravagant dress, she had no well wishes for the girl as her eyes brimmed with happy tears.

All Alicent could fixate on was how angry her father was at the turn of events. They had lost a monumental opportunity to gain allies due to the girl in front of her. She had bewitched her son, her uncivilized ways weakening Aemond’s sense of duty and proprietary. She never forgot how her son had stormed into her room, practically demanding a betrothal. It was so unlike him, not at all how he had been raised to act and she knew the Ixtal girl was to blame. 

All she could do was plaster on a fake smile and hope everything her father had worked on for years wasn’t all for naught. 

~~

She was a vision as she stepped out of the carriage, her pulse thrumming in her ears, her hands trembling in anticipation. 

In a matter of minutes, she was going to be married to the love of her life.

“Are you ready?” Her father asked, a soft smile on his face as he stared at his first daughter with barely contained emotion. She nodded eagerly, latching onto his arm, taking in a final deep breath before they stepped inside. 

The crowd of guests were in awe as she passed, though she could not spare a glance to any of the onlookers that seemed to swoon at the sight of her. Her gaze was locked onto the man at the front of the room, meeting his eye effortlessly.

Aemond had been watching the door and nothing else for the past few minutes, anxiously awaiting her arrival. The second she stepped inside, his breath had been stolen from him. 

He felt nervous flutters within him, as if he was once again that little boy who was in love with his best friend before he even knew what it meant to love someone. 

His vision blurred slightly as tears gathered in his eye at the sight of her, so beautiful, so perfect, his wife. 

They couldn’t take their eyes off each other as her father removed the cloak from her shoulders. Aemond felt his breath hitch at the sight of her in her dress, the shape of her body, the delicate silk outlining every curve he had spent many nights memorizing and worshiping. 

As he stood before her, placing the heavy Targaryen cloak over her shoulders, he breathed in her familiar scent, calming every one of his nerves. 

He took her hand, guiding her up the steps of the dais. No one said a word as he kept his hand in hers, the crowd was absolutely enraptured by the sight of them, the Ladies dramatically sharing looks of longing at the couple as neither one of them spared a glance to the Septon that began the service. 

They only had eyes for each other. 

No one could deny the love they shared. As they spoke the words that bound them together, their smiles dazzling, no one could deny this was a marriage of pure love. 

“I am hers and she is mine, from this day until the end of my days.”

The words left him with ease. He used to dread this moment as a child, hating the idea of being bound to a woman he didn’t know and didn’t care for for the rest of his life, purely out of duty. 

Now, he couldn’t imagine saying the words to any other person but the woman in front of him. The thought of spending the rest of his days with her, his love, brought him nothing but relief and endless happiness, a feeling he never pictured for himself. 

Since he lost his eye, since a piece of him had literally been taken from him, he had always felt slighted, but now, as the Septon announced their union, as he kissed her for the first time as his wife, he felt whole again. 

He was no longer that overlooked second son, he was no longer that scarred and feared man who longed for revenge. 

He was a husband, he was her protector, her friend, her love. He felt he finally had a meaningful purpose, one that meant so much more than the duty his family expected from him. 

The crowd cheered voraciously. It wasn’t often they got to witness a union so blessed by affection. 

Aemond kept his awed gaze on her as they made their way down the aisle, his hand clasped tightly in hers, paying no mind to anyone else around him. 

They could scarcely keep their hands from each other. 

During the feast, Aemond kept his hand on her thigh, his touch thankfully hidden by the long train covering the table. As both of their fathers gave speeches, spouting lovely rhetorics of family and peace, he couldn’t bring himself to listen to a word of it. 

His attention was focused solely on the woman beside him. His wife. 

He felt himself smiling just at the thought of it, that he could finally say the word. 

When the music started and they made their way to the floor to share their first dance, a moment Aemond had been dreading for weeks, he found he couldn’t care less that everyone’s eyes were on him. 

He realized nothing else mattered. Everything he thought would make him feel insecure wasn’t even a thought in his mind. He held her closely, his heart racing as if they were dancing for the first time, as if he was touching her for the first time.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile so much.” She spoke with a laugh.

“I have a good reason to smile.” He responded with a smirk as he twirled her. 

The guests couldn’t take their eyes off the couple as they danced. Most felt they were intruding on an intimate moment with how intently they gazed at each other, their love radiating from each of them effortlessly. 

They noticed how the couple sparsely ceased their touch from each other. The Lords present couldn’t help but feel slighted there would be no bedding ceremony. They were sure it would be a spectacle with how the Prince eyed his new wife with a hunger most men couldn’t conceive for their own wives. 

Aemond’s pout as his new wife accepted Helaena’s offer to dance, leaving him to sit by himself, would be fodder for most of the gossip the next morning. 

He watched her with a small smile, looking more at ease than the court had ever seen him, content at the mere sight of her delight as she twirled around with Helaena, their shared laughter ringing out louder than the music playing. 

He took a small sip from his wine, content to not drink much more, knowing he’d rather have a clear head for what the rest of the night held. He would finally take her as his wife, he would lay with her, spill his seed inside her without consequence. 

After tonight, her stomach could swell with his child and no one could say a thing. 

The thought made him desperate to drag her to their new shared chambers. He would be eager to see the end of the feast and lay with her for the rest of the night, but with how happy she was, he wouldn’t do a thing to take her away from it. 

As she twirled with Helaena, her head back, eyes closed, a picture of pure happiness, she suddenly lost her footing. She stumbled slightly, her eyes widening, but sturdy hands on her waist stopped her from falling to the floor. 

“Mind if I cut in?” 

She stiffened at the voice in her ear, turning to see Aegon’s smarmy smile. She wanted nothing more than to wrench his hands off her, but she couldn’t make a scene at her own wedding. If she displayed any ounce of discomfort by his hands, she was sure Aemond would forever be tainted as the man who killed his own brother on his wedding night.

“Aegon…” Helaena called out wearily, not wanting her dear friend to be subjected to her brother’s cruel games, though she didn’t have power in her own corner to derail him.

“It’s alright Helaena.” She assured her, giving her a weak smile to the Princess who eyed her worriedly for a moment before retreating back to the head table. 

She cleared her throat and stood stiffly, holding back a grimace as Aegon’s hand slipped around her waist, his other taking hers, his grip tight and domineering, as if he wanted to prove to her how much stronger he was than her.

“You were lucky my grandsire allowed this to happen so quickly.” He spoke blatantly as they began to dance. “I was hoping to expose your big secret to the court.”

She felt her insides twist. Knowing Aegon was aware of her and Aemond’s secret, of their sneaking around, had her wanting to retreat where no one would find her. Even now they were married, Aegon still had the power to destroy her reputation.

She just hoped he ruined his own before he had the chance to tear her down. 

“You think they would listen to the words of a drunken idiot?” 

His smile turned wicked, his disdain for her clear, though there was no denying the lust in his gaze as he looked at her. He didn’t have to like her to fuck her. 

“More than they would listen to a whore who spreads her legs for anyone.”

“You mean my husband?” She retaliated, her patience for him wearing thin. 

Aegon chuckled, though his bitterness was clear. He leaned in close, his nose almost brushing against hers. She jerked back, sending him a vicious scowl, all she could allow herself under the prying eyes that surrounded her. 

“You could have been mine.” He crooned, the wine on his breath making her feel nauseous. “Gods only know why you decided to settle for my twat of a brother. As if he could please you better than I could, as if he could fuck you the way I could. I bet you were the first woman he ever bedded.”

His words made her feel sick to her stomach as she staunchly looked past his shoulder, refusing to look him in the eye. She didn’t want him to know how much he could get under her skin. She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction.

“I would rather let the entire brothel of whores you sully yourself with flay every layer of my skin off slowly until I beg for death than ever crawl into bed with you.”

Aegon only smirked joyously.

“The mouth on you.” He admired with a shake of his head. “Such a shame it’s wasted on my brother.”

“Aegon.”

The stern voice of his brother made his eyes widen for a fraction of a second and he quickly schooled his expression, quickly removing his hands from his new good sister, plastering on a smirk so his brother wouldn’t see how successfully he could intimidate him.

She turned, meeting the questioning gaze of her husband. She nodded subtly, silently assuring him she was ok. 

He’d been chatting with her brother but the moment he spotted her in Aegon’s arms, he had abruptly given his well wishes to his new family and was quickly making his way to rescue her from his lecherous brother’s grip.

“Are you ready?”

She nodded eagerly, linking her arm through his, more than eager to say goodbye to the feast and make her way to bed with her new husband. 

“What, no bedding ceremony?” Aegon called out, forcing Aemond to send him a wicked glare. 

“Not if you wish to live, brother.” He spat and turned on his heel, desperate to get his wife far away from his depravity. 

He was more than thankful his good father had appealed to his father about doing away with the bedding ceremony. The Lord of Ixtal cared about his daughter too much to put her through that embarrassment. 

“Did he do anything?” He asked under his breath as they walked away, ignoring the cheers of congratulations from the guests he cared little for.

“Nothing I couldn’t handle.”

Aemond’s jaw clenched in anger, his instincts telling him to turn back and threaten his brother within an inch of his life for daring to speak to his wife in ways that were anything but cordial. 

The moment they stepped out of the grand hall, allowing them a brief moment of privacy in the empty hallway, she pulled her arm from his and took his hands in her own, turning to face him, a soft smile on her face.

“Don’t let him ruin our night. This isn’t about him or anyone else. It’s about us.” 

He let out a long breath and nodded, though it wasn’t an easy feat to let go of the anger that burned hotly at the mere mention of his debauched brother’s attention on his love. 

“Besides, I’m quite eager to get to bed and if my husband chooses to delay any longer, I might begin to rethink this union.” She teased, smiling victoriously as his eye darkened with desire.

Her laughter echoed in the halls as Aemond practically dragged her to their chambers, his quick pace signaling he was equally as eager as she was to lose themselves in bliss.

~~

She lay draped across his bare chest, the sheets pooled at their hips. She hummed in contentment, her limbs aching, her eyes heavy with exhaustion as Aemond gently ran his fingers up and down the length of her arm. 

Any other night, his touch would lull her into much needed sleep, but the excitement that continued to course through her veins stubbornly kept her eyes open. 

She turned her head, looking up at her husband.

Gods, she would never get over saying that.

He looked down, their shared smiles growing as their gazes met. 

Her hand that was placed on his strong chest cheekily began to move lower, making him laugh.

“You can’t possibly be needing more.” He spoke tiredly. They had already gone multiple rounds, he had already pulled a countless number of orgasms from her. 

“I thought I married a dragon.” She teased. “Are you saying you no longer have the stamina to please your wife?” 

Aemond’s gaze darkened, his exhaustion worn out by his desire she could so effortlessly spark. 

“You dare to doubt me, wife?” He crooned, knowing how deeply the word affected her, watching with satisfaction as she practically preened against him, a wickedly delightful thrill coursing through her at the mention of their newly married status. 

She laughed and pushed at his chest, forcing him to lay back onto the pillows below him. He eagerly expected her to crawl atop him and ride him in the deliriously, mind bending way she could, but he was left in a pleasured surprise as she began to press heated kisses across his abdomen, moving lower torturously slowly.

He let out a heavy breath, his body thrumming with anticipation. He hissed as she took him in her mouth, his head falling back, already feeling weak under her touch, sensitive from his previous leg-shaking peaks. 

Her wicked tongue knew exactly what to do to render him a useless fool who couldn’t remember his own name. His hand tangled in her hair that was already a mess from their previous passionate rounds. 

His breath left him in heavy pants as she worked him with her mouth at a quick pace. He knew her well, he knew the determined glint in her eye signaled trouble for him. She went further and further and took him deep in her mouth until the tip of him hit the back of her throat. 

He whined, writhing against the bed, his hand that wasn’t pulling at her hair pathetically fisting the sheets below him in an effort to keep himself tethered to some semblance of control that she was steadily shattering. 

“You are wicked.” He moaned, the delight in his voice causing her lips to curl around him in the guise of a victorious smile. 

His lips were parted with a litany of moans and whines as he watched her, eagerly taking in the sight of her, his cock in her mouth, her eyes alight with desire, greedily taking his pleasure. She sped up the pace of her mouth, delighted at the sound of his loud groan echoing throughout the room. 

His toes began to curl, his weak body, already spent from hours of ecstasy, leaving him powerless under her. 

He called out her name frantically, sounding more debauched than he ever would have imagined he could have. 

“Oh fuck, just like that, darling, don’t stop.” 

She doubled her efforts, eager to see him fall apart. She loved to hear his noises of pleasure, to see him so unrestrained as he let himself fall to the haze of bliss. His back arched, both of his hands grabbing fistfuls of her hair, as if to ensure she wouldn’t leave him wanting, that she stayed worshiping him as she was, as only she could.

“Love,” He warned, feeling his end nearing, feeling the familiar fire beginning to stir within him, one that came before a powerful release. With only a few more flicks of her tongue, he felt himself shatter. 

He cried out, a loud, desperate sound most wouldn’t believe to have come from the surly Prince, as he came. His vision was stolen from him as he had squeezed his eye shut in the moment of climax, though he wouldn’t have denied that she had just extricated his soul from his body, leaving him to lose what was left of his sight. He didn’t doubt she had the ability. 

His chest heaved, his jaw slack, small whines leaving him as she was slow to part from him, her mouth lazily working his spent cock that twitched in overstimulation at her touch. 

He reached for her blindly, his limbs weak as though he had just fought a grueling battle. She grabbed his hand, laughing softly at the sight of him thoroughly exhausted. 

She allowed him to pull her over him, his hands desperate to touch her, to feel her close to him, to prolong the pleasure running through him. 

He kissed her hand, his lips moving up the length of her arm until he reached her neck, smiling at the sound of the contented noise that left her lips as he found the spot that always made her giggle with ticklish delight. 

“One of these days you are going to stop my heart.” He told her, still working to catch breath. 

“I would never do such a thing.” 

He smiled and kissed her firmly, his mind a haze of delirium. He briefly wondered if he was dreaming, for this seemed too perfect to be his life. He kissed her again, as if to confirm that this was real, that the woman that just brought him pleasure like no other was truly before him, that he was lucky enough to now call her his wife. 

“Give me five minutes and I will return the favor.”

~~

Their marriage was nothing short of blissful. Now there was no longer a need to hide, the public was shocked by how affectionate the dragon Prince acted towards his wife. One was seldom seen without the other. 

Maids constantly gossiped about the salacious noises heard from their shared chambers practically all hours of the day. With the noises the new Princess made nightly they couldn’t help but begin to lust over the elusive Prince, or at least wish he could give some tips to their own lovers. They almost fought over who got to service the Prince and his new wife to catch a glimpse of the lovesick expression on the feared one-eyed dragon’s face. 

It had to be seen to be believed. 

They knew it wouldn’t be long until the announcement of a new Targaryen babe was made. 

Aemond hated the attention. He wished he could take his wife across the sea and indulge in their newly wedded bliss in private. 

He had just sneered at yet another passing Lady who practically fawned at the sight of the two of them, when she laughed, tucking her arm tighter in his. 

They had simply been walking in the gardens together and still couldn’t escape the gossiping Ladies of the court who could talk of nothing else but their marriage and ponder about the feared one-eyed Prince’s new found prowess among the Ladies. 

“Do they have nothing better to do?” Aemond muttered in annoyance.

“Our novelty will wear off soon.” She assured him. “They are just not quite used to seeing you so… soft.”

“I am not soft.”

She laughed, the sound causing him to look over at his wife incredulously. The disbelieving look on his face only had her suppressing more laughter, 

“Tell me, dear husband, if I told you my legs were hurting and I couldn’t possibly make it to that bench over there, would you not carry me?”

Aemond regarded her for a moment, an almost imperceptible pout growing on his lips as he contemplated the situation. He knew there was no way he wouldn’t indulge her in anything she asked for. 

“That does not make me soft.” He answered defensively, though he knew he was a lost cause. 

She giggled at the obvious answer as they continued to walk. Aemond looked over at her, eyeing her carefully for a few moments, his brows furrowing.

“Your legs are not hurting are they?” 

Her laughter rang out in the gardens as she leaned in closer to his side. Aemond felt his own smile tugging at his lips and he placed a kiss to the top of her head.

He knew he would endure all of the petty gossip that came his way. He would endure a lot worse just to hear that laugh again. 

He almost couldn’t believe the bliss he was living in. He loved her more than he thought it was possible to love someone. Now that they no longer had to hide their true feelings for each other, now that they were married and could freely show affection without any repercussions, he found himself living in a dreamlike state. 

It felt too good to be true. 

Every day was spent showing the rest of the court just how much she meant to him, how he was hers and she was his and no one else mattered, while late nights were spent tangled in bed, their limbs weak with pleasure, a time just for them and no one else. 

As she got up to pour them another cup of wine they had been drinking before he had dragged her to their bed, she looked over her shoulder at her husband who was looking up at the ceiling tiredly, a content smile on his face.

“Have I finally worn you out?” She teased as she handed him his cup. 

He chuckled softly and took the cup, drinking down much needed swallows of the sweet wine. She crawled back into bed beside him, settling herself in his open arms once again. She pressed teasing kisses across his chest, feeling the hum of soft moans that escaped him. 

He cupped her face and kissed her firmly, the gesture lacking much heat as they were both thoroughly spent from the haze of pleasure they’d been tangled in for hours. 

He pulled away, letting his forehead rest against hers as he took her in, simply admiring his wife with an awe that was certainly not unfamiliar to either of them. 

She noticed a flicker of something she didn’t recognize flash across his face, his eye softening almost imperceptibly. 

“What’s on your mind, Love?” She asked, nuzzling in closer to him as she sensed his sudden anxious energy. 

He stayed quiet for a moment longer, carefully contemplating his next words and if he should divulge the sudden thought in his head to her. 

“What if…” He started softly, his teeth worrying his lip as he feared her reaction. “What if you didn’t drink any moon tea tomorrow?”

Her expression smoothed out in surprise at his request. She couldn’t deny that it was something she had thought of since their wedding, but she had never spoken of her fantasies of silver haired children with her husband. She knew he had complicated feelings for his own family, especially his father, and she never wanted to bring it up in fear of pushing him to something he feared.  

“Is that something you want?” 

“I want everything with you.” He told her sincerely. 

The beaming smile that grew on her lips soothed every ounce of anxiety he had and he breathed out deeply, leaning forward to kiss her once more. 

“You’re going to be a wonderful father.” 

Her whispered words made his insides twist and flutter in ways that left him holding back the flood of emotions he hadn’t expected, her words soothing the deep rooted anxiety he felt at the prospect of starting a family, no matter how badly he wanted it. He had no way to tell her how grateful he was for her, there were no words conceivable to tell her the depth of his love for her. 

So he settled for kissing her, silently thanking the Gods above for bringing him to the woman in his arms. 

~~

Aemond stepped into their shared chambers the same time he always did, his perfect hair slightly disheveled from his time spent training. He stopped in his tracks, the warmth in his expression gone in an instant as he eyed the Maester sitting before her with growing apprehension.

“What’s wrong?” 

She laughed at his blatant worry as he approached her quickly, reaching for her hand. 

“Everything’s fine, Darling.” 

“What happened?” He turned to ask the Maester, all care gone from his voice, leaving nothing but strict power as he demanded an answer. 

“The Princess wasn’t feeling well this morn-”

“Are you alright? Why didn’t you tell me?” He interrupted, turning his attention back to her, his concerned tone back in full force, all traces of the demanding Prince gone as he kneeled before her, his expression wracked with worry. 

She smiled again in amusement and looked to the Maester. 

“Would you mind giving us a moment?” 

The old man nodded respectfully, giving her a warm smile and hastily leaving the room, most likely relieved to gain some distance from the dragon Prince with the feared temper. 

She intertwined her fingers with Aemond’s, taking in a deep breath as she prepared herself to bring him the life changing news. 

“I have been feeling a little off the last few days and I called the Maester to confirm my suspicion.” She explained vaguely, her mischievous smirk remaining as she watched Aemond’s brow furrow deeper in concern. 

“And?”

Deciding to finally let her husband off the hook and spare him his heart that was no doubt racing in anticipation, his dramatic mind probably conjuring horrible conclusions, she guided his hand forward, letting his palm rest flatly on her stomach. 

She watched him carefully, noting the exact moment he realized what she was telling him. His lips parted and his gaze moved from his hand to her face abruptly, his eye shrouded in disbelief, looking at her pleadingly, as if needing confirmation that this was real. 

She let out a laugh and nodded, tears brimming in her eyes at the pure love she saw in Aemond’s. He let out a breathless laugh, the sound of delight one she had never remembered ever hearing from him before. He grabbed her hands, swiftly bringing her to her feet and barely a second later, he was hugging her tightly, his hands gripping onto her desperately.

Her delighted laughter filled the room as he twirled her around, the moment filled with nothing but elation. 

“Thank you.” He whispered from where his head rested in the crook of her neck. 

She smiled, her own emotions rising at the sound of him so touched, so loved. 

He pulled out of the embrace, his gaze immediately falling to her stomach that had yet to show any evidence of the life that grew there. He pictured it swelling, the bump that would grow with their child, the life they had created together and he was sure his heart was moment away from bursting out of sheer love. 

“I can’t believe it.” He breathed out in awe. It had only been about a month since they had made the decision to forgo moontea, he had no idea it would happen for them this quickly. 

“With how often you take me to bed, surely this isn’t a surprise.” 

He looked almost proud at her jest and she shook her head, pulling him in for another embrace that he gladly returned, his arms holding her as if she were the most precious thing in the world and if anyone were to ask, Aemond would certainly agree. 

He kissed the top of her head and pulled back, taking her face in his hands as he looked down at her reverently.

“You have given me more than I ever could have imagined I would have.” He told her honestly. “You’ve made me the happiest man to ever live.” 

He kissed her with all the love he could, hoping it would be enough to convey every ounce of adoration he held for her. 

However, their peace didn’t last long. 

Rhaenyra and her sons would soon be arriving at King’s Landing to counter Vaemond Velaryon’s petition for the Driftmark throne.

The moment Aemond heard the news, he became reserved, building that familiar brooding wall around him, portraying that of the feared one-eyed prince the court loved to gossip about. 

The night before they were due to arrive, he had resided in their chambers, wishing to avoid the prying eyes of the court and their whispers about his bastard nephews and the likelihood of there being another duel between them that would result in bloodshed.

He heard the door of their shared chambers open and close, but his gaze remained on the flickering flames in the hearth in front of him. 

“There you are.” Her sweet voice called out, his wife taking her place at his side. “I’ve barely seen you all day.”

“I’ve been here.” He responded softly, his voice lacking its usual warmth that was always present with her. 

She watched him carefully, knowing exactly what was eating away at him, but hesitant to mention it, unsure of how he would react. The mere mention of his nephews was enough to incite his rage. 

“Do you wish to talk about it?” She asked softly.

“No.”

His voice was curt, betraying just how tormented he felt. A flare of pain lashed his scar, the sapphire in place of his eye seemingly burning, as if the thought of that Strong bastard’s imminent arrival alone could cut him like the dagger he wielded that night. 

A tense silence lingered between them, one they both hated. 

With a pained hiss, he tore his eye path off, tossing it to the side carelessly, his sharp features contorted in pain. He leaned his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands as the sapphire in his eye bloomed with pain. 

It wasn’t often the wound still caused him aggravation, but in the moments it did, he always felt like he was that young, helpless boy again. His hands shook slightly as the pain flared so deeply it was all he could do to breathe through it. 

Within seconds he felt gentle hands on his, carefully prying them from his face. He looked up to his wife sitting before him, the concern on her face stirring his emotions he tried desperately to hold back. 

He noticed the vial of ointment in her hands, the one the Maesters gave to him to use whenever his wound became unbearable. He was tense as she cradled his cheek, her thumb caressing the edge of his scar, her eyes taking in the angry looking wound. She had seen him do this for himself a few times but he had never let her do it before. 

She looked at him thoughtfully, posing a silent question to which he nodded slightly, still hesitant to let her touch what was his greatest shame, but the pain was becoming unbearable, he was left out of options. 

She dipped her finger into the ointment and carefully applied it to his eye, her own heart racing as she felt her husband was baring a piece of himself he had been adamant on hiding for so long. 

As her fingers brushed as gently as possible across his wounded eye, the cooling ointment bringing him relief immediately, he finally started to let himself relax, releasing a long breath. 

She reached out with her other hand, laying it over his own that was still clenched into a fist, beginning to trace meaningless shapes over his knuckles. Her touch soothed something in him he didn’t even know could be soothed, the simple gesture enough for him to feel comforted in a way only she could give him. He sighed loudly as he sank into his seat, the rigidity leaving him limb by limb. 

Smiling softly at the sight of him so much calmer than before, she moved to sit next to him once she was finished. Aemond was quick to close the distance between them, moving in closer to her side, taking her hand in his, eager for her touch. 

“Thank you.” He whispered, the look of reverence he sent her stirring her own emotions and she suddenly found herself on the verge of tears. She would never understand what he went through as a child, she would never understand what he felt for his nephews, but she was adamant she would be there for him in the moments he struggled. 

“You never need to thank me for this.” She assured him. 

Another heavy breath escaped him, as if his ire was leaving him with each exhale. His resentment was no match for the love his wife gave him. It would succumb to her each and every time. 

His hand roamed gently over her body, eventually finding its place on her stomach, where it stayed, pulling a small laugh from her.

“You do realize there’s no bump yet.”

Aemond just shrugged, the look of contentment on his face a far cry from the derision that had steadily remained all day. 

“It doesn’t matter. He’s still in there.”

“He?”

He seemed bashful as he looked up at his wife, a slight blush on his cheeks, as if embarrassed to admit the many nights he spent thinking about their child, imagining their son as the perfect mix of them both, of how much he already loved their child. 

“It’s just a feeling.” 

She began to picture it, Aemond cradling their son, his eyes the same vibrant blue of his father’s, his smile wide, his cheeks chubby, every bit of him absolutely perfect. 

Her own smile grew, her vision growing blurry as tears gathered in her eyes at the thought, her hormones that were now on a hair trigger since her pregnancy, coming to a head. 

“Hey,” Aemond called out in concern, reaching up to caress her cheek and she shook her head, letting out a small laugh.

“They’re happy tears.” 

He smiled and leaned in to kiss her softly. It was easy to forget the turmoil he felt, that he was soon to face the object of his anger, when he was next to his wife, their child growing within her. 

That night, he was ravenous. He had taken her with a fervor he hadn’t felt in weeks. He had been insatiable when he knew of her pregnancy, but he seemed to treat her like glass, as if she were now delicate because of the precious life that grew within her. 

His touches had always been gentle, but urgent, hungry yet loving. 

Tonight, he was starved. He fucked her as if they were newlyweds again, every touch portraying just how desperate he felt for her. 

“Aemond!” She cried out, her hands tangled in his hair, pulling hard as he brought her to yet another blissful orgasm.

He growled, burying his face in the crook of her neck, the enticing nip at her neck making her moan. His steady pace never faltered, his powerful hips crashing against hers as he chased his own end. 

Her cries turned to laughs, delirious with pleasure. 

“I love you.” She breathed out and screamed as his pace became quicker, his thrusts becoming harsher, more frantic as he quickly approached his high. 

“Say it again.” He growled, now hovering over her as he gazed down at the beauty beneath him, his eye and the striking sapphire a sight that left her shivering under his tight grip.

“I love you.” She repeated, hoping he believed every word, hoping he knew just how much she cherished him, how much he meant to her. “You are the only man I’ve ever loved, the only man I’ll ever love for the rest of my life.”

His jaw clenched, his eye squeezing shut as the sight of her below him, writhing in pleasure, was just too much to handle. He was powerless against her. 

His thrusts became relentless, the bed shaking beneath them with every one of his brutal strokes. 

He breathed harshly, feeling as though flames were alight in his veins. 

“Again.” He commanded roughly. 

She shivered at the commanding edge of his voice, her toes curling as she felt sparks ignite within her. 

“I love you, more than anything.” 

Her breathless words were his undoing. He shouted a curse and groaned loudly, his arms feeling weak as he practically fell over her, never stopping his movements, his cock thrusting into her almost violently as he came, his body shaking against hers. 

She gasped at the feeling of him spilling inside her, her arms wrapping tighter around him, her head thrown back as she cried out, his name falling from her lips in a chant, as if he were a deity she prayed to for salvation. 

“I love you.” She whispered breathlessly and began to laugh tiredly as he planted kisses over the expanse of her neck, making his way upwards until he met her lips, kissing her soundly, as if she were the very air he breathed. 

“I love you.” He panted in a blissful daze. 

By the next morning, every good feeling Aemond had coveted the night before had dissipated like smoke in the wind. 

He woke early and spared his sleeping wife a kiss to the forehead before heading to the training yard where he spent the rest of the morning, endlessly sparring with Ser Criston and any other worthy opponent available when the knight needed a break from his endless plights. 

Those that dared to step up were left bloody and bruised in a matter of minutes. 

Aemond was wound tightly, his entire being ready to snap as he laid his eye on his nephews for the first time in years. The fury that had been buried deeply within him for years bubbled to the surface with one look at the brown haired bastards. 

The sapphire in place of his eye burned as his glare remained steady on them. 

He preened inwardly as they cowered under his eye. To know they couldn’t meet his gaze brought him more satisfaction than he had expected. He grabbed his sword and gestured to Ser Criston to get into position.

He fought with determination as if he were in actual battle, as if his life was truly threatened and every movement dictated his survival. With every powerful strike of his sword against Criston’s shield, he felt vindicated, as though the years of shame that had come from the bullying he endured from his own brother and nephews stripped off layer by layer with each powerful swing of his weapon. 

His eye drifted to his nephews, a sickly satisfied smirk growing at the sight of their intimidation. 

They held no power over him now. He had made sure of it. 

“Husband.” 

Her voice cut through the haze of victory he had been lavishing in. He turned on his heel, confusion overtaking him as he saw his wife standing in the training yard. He dropped his sword and rushed over to her side. 

“What are you doing down here? Is everything alright?”

She didn’t often make her way down into the training yards and with her current state, he couldn’t help but fret over her every minute of the day he was with her.

“I wanted to make sure you weren’t killing yourself before the petition.”

He sighed heavily. He didn’t know if he loved or hated how easily his wife could read him. She took his hand and he let her guide him out of the yard. 

“You’ve been here for hours, I think you’ve earned yourself a break.” 

He opened his mouth to retort, but she stopped him with a knowing look. 

“Based on the looks on your nephews face’s I think you’ve proven everything you needed to prove.”

The smirk that grew on his lips should have worried her, but she couldn’t find it in herself to feel any concern for the ire he felt for his nephews. It was more than justified, she just hoped it would be enough, that their visit to the Keep wouldn’t result in any more bloodshed. 

Aemond looked back into the training yard, as if hesitant to leave the glory he’d managed to carve out for himself, for the retribution he felt he had finally earned, no matter how slight it was, but her hand in his forced him back to her in an instant. 

“Don’t let them get to you. They hold no power over you.” She told him softly and he let out a long breath, allowing the hatred that had been clouding him all day roll over him like dark thunder clouds making way for the shining sun to warm up the earth after a vicious storm. 

His hand remained steadily in hers, as if needing her like a lifeline in tumultuous waves. She was the only thing that kept him tethered to himself, that kept him from spiraling into his anger. 

She could see how tense he was and if it were any other day, if they didn’t have royal duties to attend to, she would’ve been content to keep him in their chambers and let him use her to both of their delights until he was spent, too exhausted to feel any anger at all. 

She didn’t like to see him in this state. It was so unlike the sweet boy that had been by her side for years. She didn’t like what her nephews had created in him the night he claimed Vhagar. 

~~

The petition unfolded as she expected. While King Viserys’ presence had been a surprise, Vaemond’s demise certainly wasn’t, especially after the accusations he had spouted to Princess Rhaenyra and her sons. 

Aemond had tugged on her arm, instinctively pulling her behind him as Daemon brought his sword down upon the man. 

He had shielded her from the violent display, something she had been grateful for. With the pregnancy hormones swirling within her, she most often felt nauseous around anything that wasn’t plain bread. The sight of Vaemond’s severed head would’ve been enough to put her off eating for the rest of her life. 

As the court reacted in a frenzy to the brutal display, Aemond had placed his hand on her stomach, his eye looking her over carefully, ready to rush her out of the room at the slightest hint of nausea. 

She gripped his hand and nodded to his silent question, assuring him she was ok, that she wasn’t about to spill her guts in front of everyone, though the darkened look in his eye remained. Who it was targeted at, she wasn’t quite sure. 

Neither one of them had been looking forward to the family dinner Viserys was adamant on hosting. It was as if he was completely oblivious to the tension in the family as he forced them in proximity to each other. 

Aemond had barely spoken a word as they readied themselves for dinner. He was tense, his face drawn tightly, as if he expected the worst to unfold, as if he were facing enemies on a battlefield and not a simple dinner with his family. 

“We don’t have to attend.” She told him, wishing she could protect him from the torment he felt in the face of his nephews. 

He didn’t spare a look to her, every inch of him was shrouded in anger, barely contained fury that he couldn’t shake. He didn’t seem like the man she married at that moment. 

“Why wouldn’t I attend?” He asked, as if his torment wasn’t visible, as if she wasn’t aware of the burning anger he couldn’t shake, the vitriol he experienced as a child coming back to the forefront of his mind, reminding him of the slights that he had been faced with. 

“Aemond,” She started softly. “No one expects you to forgive them.” 

He scoffed, shaking his head, his expression filled with bitter irritation. 

“No one expects me to hold any anger at all.” 

She frowned deeply and approached him slowly, eyeing him carefully. She had never felt so out of depth when it came to her husband but she would be damned if she left him to suffer alone.

“We don’t have to go.”

He clenched his jaw, his eye holding a faraway look, signaling he was deep in thought. 

She reached out, cupping his face in his hands, startling him out of his reverie that was filled with nothing but hatred. 

“You just tell me and we’ll leave. I’ll make an excuse and we can go without any question.”

Her words, her ability to show him she was staunchly in his corner, a feeling no one else had ever assured him of, disarmed him completely. There was one thing his nephews would never take from him, the love he felt from his wife stood the test of time, standing strongly against any other force that dared to weaken him. His eye softened, his hand reaching out to grasp her arm, his fingers gently caressing her skin. 

“What have I done to deserve you?” He whispered, his voice cloaked with reverence, as if surprised by the love she held for him. 

She frowned, hating when he spoke as if he didn’t deserve the love she showed him, as if it was some kind of gift he wasn’t worthy of coveting. 

“You read to me my second day here.” She answered simply, reminding him of the beginning of it all, when they were nothing more than two wonderstruck children. 

He exhaled deeply, desperately wanting to hold onto that feeling that always surrounded him when he thought of their childhood together, like warmth embracing him soundly. 

It was a feeling he kept close to him as they walked to the dining hall, though he knew it was futile. The feeling would be gone, shielded in the depths of him in the face of his family.

As they stepped into the hall, Aemond left her side to grab her a drink from the servers, allowing her to step towards Rhaena and Baela, greeting them politely. Rhaena was quick to give her a smile, while Baela only had distrustful eyes to throw in her direction. 

Her name was called and she turned to see Rhaenyra approaching her with a warm smile. 

She smiled and embraced the Princess slightly awkwardly. She had fond memories of the woman growing up, especially in times when she was desperately missing her own mother, but it had been years since she had seen her and knowing her actions on the night Aemond’s eye had been taken had irrevocably changed her view of the woman since.

“It’s good to see you again, Dear.” Rhaenyra smiled warmly at her. “Where is your father, I was hoping to say hello.”

“He’s at Ixtal. He was missing my mother and decided to take a short visit.” 

“You didn’t join him?”

She felt her cheeks heat at the question and she couldn’t help but smile. 

“I would, but I wasn’t exactly in a good state to travel.” She explained and placed her hand on her stomach exaggeratedly. 

Rhaenyra’s eyes widened and she beamed a smile, laughing happily. 

“That is wonderful news.” The Princess congratulated. “You’re going to be a wonderful mother.” 

A hand on the small of her back made her look up to see her husband now at her side, his steely eye locked onto his half-sister whose smile faltered at his sudden presence. She cleared her throat, her demeanor now tense as she nodded politely in greeting.

Rhaenyra left their side quickly, leaving her to wonder just how deeply one family could fracture. She couldn’t imagine ever greeting her brothers in that manner. She couldn’t imagine hating the ones she shared blood with. 

Letting out a long breath, knowing she was in for an eventful night, she turned to Aemond, placing her hand on his arm that was stiff, as if he wouldn't allow himself to relax or even take a breath in their presence. 

They all took their seats, the tension in the room strangling as King Viserys was carried in. 

She held back a grimace at the sight of the decrepit King. He was a far cry from the man she had met all those years ago, far from the man who was a dear friend to her father. 

The awkward aura in the room remained steadfast, with most avoiding eye contact with each other. Even Viserys’ heartened speech about family and the uniting of the house of the dragon did little to mend the obvious rift in the family.

Until Rhaenyra stood. She was shocked to hear her speak such lovely words about the Queen and for the Queen to return the sentiment. 

Their apparent truce for the time being broke the tension, though her husband at her side remained tense, his lone eye unflinchingly cold as he regarded his distant family. 

Her eyes kept circling back to him, as if waiting for the moment he would strike. She wondered when the wood of the chair under his white-knuckled grip would splinter. She wondered when the night would take an irredeemable turn.

She didn’t even get to enjoy Helaena’s thinly veiled jab towards Aegon in her toast, she was too worried about her husband to pay attention to the others around her. 

When the music began, signaling the end of the toasts, she leaned back in her seat, giving her husband a small encouraging smile, anticipating that they had made it through the worst the night had to offer. 

Aemond remained stiff as stone, his posture straight and rigid. She noticed his eye darken further, his gaze locked past her and she turned, her brows furrowing slightly as Jacaerys stepped towards her, a hopeful smile on his face.

“Would you care to dance, Princess?” He asked, offering her his hand. 

She stared at his hand for a long second, contemplating her choices. With the entirety of the table watching the exchange, she knew she had little choice but to accept his offer. 

She spared a brief glance to her husband beside her and the fury that blazed in his lone eye would have melted the wall in the great north. With a heavy breath, she gingerly took Jace’s hand and stood from her seat, allowing him to guide her away from the table.

Her husband’s gaze practically burned at her back. 

Aemond watched with barely contained rage as the bastard danced with his wife. His teeth grinded together so harshly it was a wonder they didn’t crack. He briefly contemplated what the repercussions would be if he murdered the Strong bastard where he stood. 

The fire within him was simmering, ready to unleash as he watched another man touch his wife. The smile on the bastard’s face left Aemond wondering whether he should slit his throat, dismember him, or let Vhagar turn him to ash. 

None of the choices seemed punishment enough. 

As Jace twirled her, her eyes briefly met Aemond’s and her stomach twisted at his expression. She knew tonight wouldn’t end peacefully. 

She flinched slightly as Jace quickly spun her back into his arms, causing her to almost crash into his chest, forcing her much closer to him than she felt was necessary. She leaned back to gain some distance, hoping it wasn’t noticeable, hoping her husband hadn’t been able to tell she had been uncomfortable for a mere second.

Jace would be dead and buried before the sun rose if that were the case. 

“I have to admit, I was quite shocked when I heard the news of your wedding.” Jace suddenly spoke, keeping his voice low so only she would hear. 

“What was so shocking?”

“I didn’t expect you to end up with someone like him.”

“Someone like him? You mean my oldest friend?” She questioned, disdain creeping through her tone, her defenses raised, which didn’t allow her the wherewithal to speak in a friendly manner. 

Jace sighed, as if wanting to dispute the simple fact that she and Aemond had been close for years before marriage was even a thought in either of their heads. 

“You two are very different.” He said with a slight shrug. “I pictured you with someone more… warm, romantic even.” 

“I assure you, my prince, my husband is plenty romantic. You do not need to worry yourself about my marriage.” She smiled stiffly. 

Jace, seeming to sense her attitude, remained silent for the remainder of the dance. As the song ended, she politely curtsied and was walking back to the table before he could rise from his bow. 

The tension didn’t dissipate as she took her seat at her husband’s side once more. If anything, the fury radiating from the man beside her only set her more on edge. Aemond leaned into her, making her shoulders tense both in apprehension and desire. 

“If he touches you again, I will break every bone in his body.” Aemond hissed in her ear, smirking delightedly at the shiver she repressed. 

She looked up at him, his fury now morphed into an insatiable hunger only she could tame. She knew she would be in for a long night. 

She was just thankful he seemed to be feeling anything other than murderous rage. 

But it did not last long. 

She had been speaking quietly to Helaena, Aemond’s hand in hers, his thumb caressing over her knuckles a steady comfort when he suddenly pulled away. 

She barely had time to look over at her husband before he was bolting out of his chair. His fist that slammed on the table made her flinch in surprise, her wide eyes looking up at him in confusion.

“Final tribute.” 

Her heart raced wildly in her chest, her gaze wandering around the table, wondering what could have possibly stoked his fury. It wasn’t until she saw the sheepish guilt that permeated with fear on Lucerys’ expression that she began to understand. 

“To the health of my nephews. Jace, Luke, and Joffrey. Each of them handsome, wise… strong.”

She felt her breath hitch in her throat, her wide eyed gaze meeting Alicent’s for a brief moment, his mother looking equally as petrified for what was to unfold. 

“Let us drain our cups to these three Strong boys.”

She sent her husband a pleading look, but it was lost on him, his gaze, full of hatred, cemented on his nephews. 

“I dare you to say that again.”

“Why? Twas only a compliment. Do you not think yourself strong?”

She gasped, her hand covering her mouth as Jace landed a punch to Aemond’s cheek. The room erupted in chaos. She could watch with disappointment as her husband pushed his nephew to the ground, as Aegon joined in and shoved Lucerys against the table. 

Helaena stood from her seat and rushed towards her, her face shrouded in fear. She sighed and stood from her seat, wrapping her arm around her friend who seemed disturbed by the rift tearing in her family before her. 

“It’s alright.” She assured her. 

Across the room, Rhaenyra’s eyes bored into hers, pleading, as if she had any control over her husband’s ire. She sent her an apologetic look and bowed her head, wishing Aemond had taken up her offer to avoid the dinner altogether. 

The room came to a standstill, the fighting men separated, a room divided by two factions. 

Aemond glared at his uncle who looked at him as if disappointed, as if he were out of line to enact revenge for the slight against him. 

He grit his teeth and in a quick motion, swallowed the wine left in his cup before turning back to the table. He avoided looking at his wife as he grabbed her hand, pulling her along with him as he stormed out of the room.

Her feet moved quickly to keep up with his quick pace, her heart in her throat as he led them through the halls.

Once they were back in their chambers, her eyes seldom left him, watching every one of his movements carefully, noticing how highly strung he still was, how stiffly he moved as paced for a moment before he finally took a seat on the edge of the bed. 

His anger wouldn’t be leaving him easily. 

“Are you alright?”

He stayed quiet for a long moment, gazing ahead blankly, the burning fury that simmered in his veins leaving him practically trembling, the desire to wreak havoc not yet dissipating. 

Every part of him was wrought with tension, his mind a mess of thoughts, though his anger was the easiest to make sense of. 

“Don’t try to convince me that what I did was wrong.” He spoke bitterly.

“I won’t.” 

His jaw clenched, the events of the last few minutes running through his head on a loop, keeping him in the state of rage that made him shake, that made his hands twitch, wishing he had done more, wishing he could hurt that bastard the way he had been hurt all those years ago.

The thought briefly startled him. It was a thought he used to have frequently, when the rage in his heart was so new he didn’t know what to do with it. It was a thought he hadn’t focused on since being with her. 

The revelation had an unfamiliar upset stirring within him.

“I should sleep in my old chambers tonight.” He muttered tersely. 

The bitter anger burned within him, he felt on the edge of cracking and he would hate himself if he ever took it out on her, his sweet wife. He felt he needed to be far away from her to avoid darkening her with his presence.

“What?”

The sadness in her voice almost broke him. He closed his eye and bowed his head, he couldn’t bear to see the look on her face. 

“I don’t want you to see me like this.” 

It was quiet for a long moment, his words lingering in the room like an ominous death rattle that signaled the bitter end after a long, torturous fight. 

But she refused to let him sink into his despair. 

He flinched as she stepped before him, catching his gaze. Her hands smoothed out the doublet he wore, roaming upwards to brush the hair off his shoulders and gently caressing his neck as she reached up to hold his jaw affectionately. 

He let out a deep breath, the tension slowly but surely easing from him in waves under her touch. 

“I am not letting you feel this alone.” She told him, her voice soft yet stern, letting him know there was no way he would change her mind about this, that nothing could force her to accept his absence from her side. 

“I don’t seem to recognize myself around them.”

His whispered confession hit her harder than she had expected and she felt her breath hitch in her throat, her own emotions rising to the surface at the sight of him so tormented. 

“You can never undo what they took from you.” She began slowly, her voice wavering slightly. “I’ll never understand what you’ve been through. I wish I could and I’m so sorry I don’t, but you cannot let this consume you.”

His face remained a mask of torment, his derision and anger battling against the exhaustion that permeated his bitterness, that left him feeling weak in the aftermath of his rage. 

She gently guided him to tilt his head upward so she could look at him, so he could see her and the resolution on her face and understand her honesty.

“You are more than your eye. You are more than the rage you feel when you look at them. You are more than them.”

He almost shuddered under her hands, the words striking him with force as though they were dealt with a physical hit. 

“I see you, the real you. The one I fell in love with, my sweet husband, the father of my child.” 

With that, she grabbed his hand to place it over her stomach and his expression changed in an instant, the anger gone as he caressed where his child grew. 

He leaned forward, his forehead falling to rest against her chest, his arms circling her waist. He spread his legs, allowing her to step closer to him, her own arms wrapping around his shoulders, holding him tightly. 

She ran her fingers through his hair, the soft motions pulling a soft sound from deep within him, his rigid body falling lax against her. 

As she hugged him tightly she felt her eyes begin to sting with tears. She wished she could pull the agony from him, untangle the strings of rage that wound him so tightly. 

She wished she could’ve gone back in time and held tighter to the wounded boy who hid his despair from her for so long. 

~~

The girls are fightinggg

And the angst is coming xx

~~

Tag List:

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[finelinevogue]

overwhelmed

summary - you’re overwhelmed but luckily you have harry

pairing - boyfriend!harry x reader

word count - ~1k

“Hey, I came as quick as I could.”

Harry was ushered inside by Maya, your best friend. Harry was wearing joggers and a baggy hoodie - since it was 2AM and he had been sleeping.

“I’m actually slightly scared. You live like twenty minutes away and I only got off the phone with you like twelve ago…” Maya chuckled, shutting the door behind them.

“Yeah I might’ve already been out of the door and in the car by the time our phone call ended.” Harry rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“Well you certainly win boyfriend of the year.”

“Speaking of, where’s Y/N?”

“Curled up on the sofa.” Maya showed Harry the way through.

“Still upset?”

“It’s scary how she doesn’t run out of tears…”

Harry chuckled because he knew all too well.

Maya showed Harry to where you were curled up on the sofa, blanket tucked high up your body and tissue in your hand. You were staring at the room - not particularly looking at anything.

“Thanks.” Harry smiled at Maya and she took it as her queue to hang back in the kitchen.

Harry rounded the sofa and slowly came into your line of vision, not wanting to startle you.

“Hey, my pretty girl.” Harry smiled when he saw your puffy eyes and red cheeks from crying so much. “What’s all the fuss about, hm?”

“Harry.” You pouted and then started to cry again, cupping your hands over your eyes because you were so embarrassed he was seeing you like this.

Your relationship was 5 months new and even though you’d already had arguments and cried in front of each other, it’d never been like this.

This was full on sob and snot crying.

You didn’t even cry like this on your period.

“Hey, hey. What’s this about?”

Harry did in fact know what this was all about, after being rung by Maya when she’d gotten concerned about how much you were upset.

What’s strangest about this situation is Harry knew you weren’t even upset by something that had hurt your feelings. If anything, you were upset because you were feeling too much.

“Hello?” Harry answered the phone groggily, wincing as his eyes adjusted to the bedside lamp.

“Hi Harry. I’m sorry to wake you.”

“No, no it’s fine. Is there a reason you’re calling off Y/N’s phone, Maya?”

“Harry… Y/Ns a little upset.” Harry sat up in bed then, “Actually, a lot upset. I didn’t want to call but i’m getting kind of worried.”

“What’s happened? Is Y/N okay? Are you guys safe?”

“Yeah we’re in my house. It’s just, we had quite a bit of wine to drink and got to talking about relationships and then Y/N started talking about you. At first she was all giddy and happy but then she started getting herself worked up about how perfect you are and how she doesn’t think she deserves you.”

Harry liked the thought that you liked him a little bit more than you lead on, but he didn’t like that it came at the expense of your anxiety. Anxiety you had tried so hard to overcome from previous relationships.

“Can I come over?” Harry asked, already getting himself out of bed.

Harry sat on the sofa next to you, picking you up gently so he could situate you in his lap. You didn’t take long to become comfortable, by throwing your arms around his neck and burying yourself into the safe crook of his neck.

“Ssh, shh. I’ve got you.” Harry kept repeating.

He rocked you ever so gently, just allowing you the comfort of being held.

“You’re here.” You said after you’d settled slightly.

“I’m here.”

“You’re the best.”

Harry smiled at that.

“I like to think so.”

You stroked his chin stubble, finding a strange calmness to the grizzle.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t.”

“No, but I am.”

“I don’t want you to be. Means you’re sorry about the reason you were upset in the first place and I actually quite liked the fact you maybe like me a little too much. If i’m being selfish.” Harry gave you a cheeky smirk that had you calming in an instance.

“I just got so overwhelmed.”

“I know.”

“Because… B-because….”

You looked up at Harry in his not-so-scary eyes and for once you found this part of a relationship easy.

“Go on.” He encouraged with a whisper.

“Because I love you.”

You smiled and felt your cheeks flush. Harry’s face copied your emotions and he leant down to give you a welcomed kiss.

“You love me?” He asked excitedly, kissing you again because he couldn’t deny himself.

“I do.”

“Hmm.” He giggled excitedly.

“Do you… do…”

“I love you. I love you. I fucking love you, Y/N.”

It was your turn to chuckle and let the tears well up in your eyes again.

“No, no, no. No more tears.” Harry was quick to rectify the situation by kissing you again, moulding his lips to yours like that’s what they’d been created to do.

“I feel five times more overwhelmed than I did before you arrived.” You said.

“Okaayyy…”

“But I also feel five time more safe and calm than I did before you arrived.”

[blerb-f1]

"and Found" - Charles Leclerc x Fem!Reader # part two!

this is a part two! Part one is here!

Check out my masterlist!

-xoxo, blerb

“So anyway Charles, about the passport issue”

“Yes”

“We contacted the government and it's going to get here soon. One Issue remains until then. We can't let you out on the streets till we have it. No documents, no license, no drive”

“You are kidding me.” Charles whined, crossing his arms and smacking them onto the table.

“Even Italy has laws. Even for you. I'm sorry, Andrea will drive you where you need to go. Otherwise I might recommend trying cycling? Valtteri seems very happy since he started actively cycling.”

“Like hell I'll get on a bike in Italy - they're going to run me over before I leave this place!”

Had it really come to this? Did Charles Leclerc, Formula One race winner and Ferrari driver been demoted to bicycle?

With his head hanging low, the demotivated driver stepped outside. In his right hand was the key to his new bicycle, attached to a children’s keychain. Just lovely. The two wheeled vehicle was already waiting outside, a garnet red with Ferrari slogan on top. Weren’t these the free company handouts a few years ago? Or something handed out in a company wide lottery? Charles could remember Sebastian behind happy at the idea of others biking. It truly coudn’t get more embarrassing, could it? ‘When even was the last time i rode a bike?’, he wondered. Swinging his legs over it and giving it a push to get going provided him a wobbly pace. Taking circles around the parking lot helped becoming steady again, yet no joy could be discovered anywhere. Charles stopped the bike, leaning back and eyes passing over the building. In the distance, a person was approaching. As they got closer, he noticed it was Y/N. She was dressed in a pretty white dress, neckline dipping lower to a golden belt. She must have bought it in Italy, he just coudn’t imagine your average stern german lady wearing something similar. 

As she came to a stop in front of him, her expression showed a rude grin.

“Seems you’re without a drive, Driver”

“Yeah, I know. You’ve already made all the jokes.”

She nodded, as if fully aware of the emotions he was feeling.

“You know, Ferrari were so kind to give me these-”, she said, lifting her hand. Jingling in the air was a set of black car keys with the familiar prancing horse on top. “If you want, I could drive you somewhere. Would be less embarrassing than cycling”

In a really annoying fashion, she pulled the word ‘could’ as long as a chewing gum. Just sheer annoyance.

Charles thought about it. He truly did not want to be victimized by her driving again, but going further distances in climate control and not facing the Italian sun sounded stunning about now. With it soon being afternoon, the heat started becoming unbearable.

“Alright, I give in. What do you get in return though?”

“I want to visit Monaco.”

“Monaco? That’s 5 hours by car. Taking a plane would be faster.”

She just grinned again. “I probably won’t get the chance to drive a Ferrari again, right? So I want to make use of it. And with you by my side-” she poked her pointer finger against his chest. “I bet I will get stuff for free! And since you live there, you know the good spots to go to.”

“You are a cheapass, you know”

“I’m a train attendant, not a cheapass. Monaco is expensive.”

Charles pushed the bike against a wall, leaning it to the side. No one would steal a bike here, right? He wondered, walking alongside her.

“Aren’t you worried about being seen with me? I’m a celebrity, i hope you keep that in mind”

She just shook her head. “Nah, I’m not worried in any way, shape or form. Life would be exciting if gossip would be busy with me.”

“Exiting? It’s getting clear to me that you have no clue of what it’s like!" Charles got angry at her statement. She really knew nothing.

“Obviously, I don’t. But you seem like a nice dude. If people make rumors about us, I want to see them try. There’s nothing in my life they could ruin.”

Charles came to a stop. “Nothing in your life? What do you mean?”

Y/N just looked down. “That house is my parents. Mine now, I guess. Both died of old age a few years ago, had me quite late. My job is nothing I've specifically dreamed of ever. I just took it because I could work alongside my parental-care duties. So currently, I wouldn't mind having stupid fun. I mean, they might write some mean stuff about me. But they can’t get worse than 40 year old, hair dyed red, coworkers”

Shit, maybe he shouldn't have asked that. Pretty personal question, was she hurt?

“Don’t worry too much Charles. I’m fine. You don’t seem to be like that , though.”

She could see it on him, huh? “Yeah, I'm not. My dad…he passed away before he could see me win Monaco. I desperately wanted him too. Same as my best friend and god father…And now? I won the Monaco GP but instead of visiting them, i ended up somewhere in Germany.”

“I bet they’re happy for you, up in whatever flavor of heaven you believe in. If they’re family, they’re definitely watching. We could visit your living relatives though if that would make you feel better.”

He nodded. Great idea. “We could visit my mom and little Brother. They still live in our apartment in Monaco. My big bro already moved out a while ago, i did as well. I think that would feel good.”

“Well what are you waiting for then? Get going.”

“Can i drive?”

“No.”

He made a ‘hmpf’ sound and fake-pouted. “I bet I’d drive better than you!”

Shortly afterwards, they both found themselves seated in the expensive Vehicle. Y/N was busy adjusting the settings to her liking while Charles was fumbling around with the Spotify playlist. Just as he was leaning forward to input something, the driver pressed down the gas pedal. Hard. 

Charles was almost launched forward but the seat belt pulled him back with just his phone flying around . “God, you scared me!” he exclaimed, holding his hands on his beating heart.

Y/N just grinned, showing him her teeth.”I like scaring you, it’s fun”.

Charles just gave her an exasperated expression. “Why do you particularly enjoy scaring me so much?”

“You react so loudly, that’s fun. My colleagues are all old, tired people. Most you’d get is an eyebrow lift.”

That way, the drive continued. Charles and Y/N were vibing to the white girl music he had picked (Sorry Sebastian, no Senorita) while Y/N put in some weird German music. Charles was quite confused when he heard what sounded like children's music.

“What the fuck are we listening to right now?” he asked her.

She was vibing meanwhile, joke dancing while speeding. “True hit song! It slams when you’re drunk! "That's Bodo mit dem Bagger!”

“I’m not drunk Y/N so why are we listening to drunk people's music? Also, I don't speak German. Could you translate?”

“Drunk people's music is always good! You rich folk don’t know what simple pleasures are.” She huffed. “The title is just…Uh..Give me a second.”

Charles leaned his arm on the window, staring outside. “Considering you work with travelers i’d think your English would be better.”

“That’s rude, sir. I’m quite good if compared by my colleagues”

“Seb was faster.”

Y/N just sighed. “Isn’t this also your second language? Don’t be an ass. Also, Vettel had to speak English more often than I do, you knucklehead. I don’t get English speaking passengers that often.”

After a short moment of thinking, she came to her answer. “The title is Bodo with the Excavator. It’s about a guy excavating stuff but excavating is also a pun for hitting on girls. So that’s it. You ruined the fun now that I had to explain it.”

After that discourse, the car became devoid of conversation until Charles and Y/N reached Monaco. While trying to drive safely, Y/N was busy staring outside. Taking in all the sights she could from her driver’s position. Charles meanwhile directed her to the attached parking space, the guard at the front being confused at the sight yet not asking about it. ‘Professionals’, Y/N thought to herself.

As they stood in front of his mom’s apartment, Charles finally realized what he had done. He had invited a girl home. Worse thing being, Y/N was the first girl he ever invited home…Pascale would have a heart attack, wouldn’t she? He quickly took her to the side.

“Y/N” he stated with a soft, quiet voice. “I uh…”

“What, uh? Come on, tell me.”

“You’re the first girl I'm bringing home.”

She was surprised. Definitely didn’t expect that one. “Ever?”

“Ever.”

“Oh god, how do we tell that to your mom?”

“No use, I know her too well. Whatever we tell her won’t matter.”

“I could just wait outside if you want me to? Not trying to make your life harder here.”

“Nonono!” He exclaimed, widening his eyes.

“That wouldn't be in the spirit of hospitality of me.”

“Well then..”

She turned around, pressing the doorbell.

Charles quickly turned around. “No! AHH; I wasn't prepared!”

“Why are you so nervous, if at all i should be the one t-”

Before she could finish her sentence, the door opened. Pascale looked curious, her face turning joyfull upon seeing her son. She quickly brought him into a tight hug, pressing her chin against his shoulder.

“I-I was so scared when we didn’t hear from you!”

“Mom-”

“and I thought I had lost you! You can’t do that to me!”

“Mom-” his voice sounded more desperate now.

“But I’m so glad to see you healthy Charlie!”

She separated from him, looking her son up and down before her view skipped over to the companion at his side. 

“Who’s this lovely young Lady, if i might ask?”

Charles wanted to fully rectify but he could already see the thoughts in her brain running further ahead than they might ever be able to catch up with. Shit.

“I’m Y/N L/N”, she stated, stretching out her hand to Pascale. “I found Charles dead asleep on my train and later helped him home. Nice to meet you!”

Pascale looked Y/N now up and down. With this serious mom scanner, Charles knew her next face would tell him everything he needed to know about her. His mother was thinking, her brain computer on all cylinders before clicking the print button: smiling face,serious.png. She liked Y/N. Oh no.

“I’m so happy that you found him, Miss. L/N -  what would i have done without you!”

Pascale grabbed Charles by his ear, pulling him close. “Once he got into Formula 1 Monaco became way too small to contain him. Sometimes I wonder when he’ll run off to never be seen again.”

“Just Y/N is enough, I’m Miss L/N at work.” Her whole body shook as if remembering it. “Now i’m happy to see Monaco - seeing you both reunited i find this to be the perfect opportunity to leave so-”

“Nonsense! I can’t let you leave so soon. Seeing Charles' expression I bet you drove. Before going anywhere, you better wait a moment to allow him to he let off steam. Afterwards you two can go out and look at the city!”

‘You two? Oh no, she really thinks we’re a couple, doesn’t she?’ Charles realised. 

His mother was quick to push the two inside, heading off to brew coffee. Shortly after, three pretty mugs and delicacies were placed in front of the two of them. Y/N slowly leaned back, happily enjoying the hot liquid while Pascale kept questioning holes into Charles. She sneakily stole his piece of cake while he kept wildly throwing his arms around in gestures. Is that what interacting with Italians did to a man?

Then, Pascale directed her attention to Y/N. “I’d love to get to know you better but I have to work the whole day and tomorrow as well. If you want to, you could visit my salon tomorrow and we could chat while I do your hair. I bet you want to take the opportunity and see the city today.”

She gave Y/N a hearty smile.

“Are you saying Y/N needs a haircut, Maman?” he asked, sounding jokingly offended.

“No, not at all! I just want to get to know her, Charlie..”

Cute. Pascale really was cute. 

“Also, if you want to, we could dye your hair. As long as that's fine with your work dress code - i bet you would look lovely with some colors!”

‘Such a cute woman. I wouldn't mind her being my mother in law… Wait, no- I don’t want to be in a relationship right now. No-uh.’

‘Maman seems to like her as well - haven’t seen her this happy in a while.. I’ve also been enjoying myself around her.. No, I can't catch feelings here. I gotta focus.’

---------------------------------

Tags:

@itsjustkhaos

@appl3-0rchard

@barcelonaloverf1life

If you'd like to be tagged in future fics, hit me up!

[ms-demeanor]

Quick question about Framework laptops: Can you not actually upgrade the motherboards on them? Because their site/Ifixit makes it look like you can.

https://guides.frame.work/Guide/Mainboard+Replacement+Guide/79?lang=en

It has admittedly been a few years since I looked at their site and it does look like they've launched an upgradeable motherboard.

I will admit that this doesn't necessarily do much to quell my skepticism, for this reason:

When I first started working with computers professionally in 2011 it was maybe a 70/30 split between SATA/IDE drives that came in with laptops and it was still quite common to pick up PCs with 32bit operating systems.

About 5 years ago it started becoming more normal for us to send computers out of the shop with either an SSD and an HDD or just an SSD.

Then it went to M.2s. Then NVMEs.

About every three to four years I've watched memory technology change - when I started is was DDR3, then DDR3L, then DDR4, and DDR5 has been shipping recently.

When I look at the Framework website I see that all the DDR4 is on sale and all the DDR5 is pre-order. Is motherboard that's compatible with DDR5 going to be backwards compatible with the parts of your framework laptop - like the keyboard, screen connections, battery, etc, that you've ordered over the years? Apparently the last three generations have been compatible for major components, but there have been issues with chargers between generations. It won't be compatible with the RAM, that's for sure - or your M.2 drive.

At that point you're replacing the motherboard every couple of years and possibly other components and will just be keeping the frame and body? I feel aluminum is not the biggest extractive concern associated with computer manufacturing. (Like at what point are we reducing actual waste and at what point are we bound up in aesthetics? If you're replacing your motherboard, processor, RAM, and storage drive every few years what is the waste that you're saving - the screen? The touchpad? how many motherboard cycles do you think a screen will last?)

Basically I have doubts about the durability of the modular model and the ability of framework to keep pace with the inevitable changes that will happen in computer technology as time goes on.

And if you have to replace your motherboard, processor, and RAM every two to three years to stay up to date I'm really not certain that I see much advantage (ecologically or technologically) in doing that over using a single laptop for 7+ years and upgrading it periodically.

Basically, here, what this user on the framework subreddit says:

(I'm not certain that IS the minority of users - tons of people on the specs post are talking about their 10-15 year old laptops, and I feel like if we could teach people more about computers from a purchasing and maintenance standpoint we'd have more people using their computers for ten years)

And also, it's expensive. The motherboard upgrade for a framework owner is as much as a lot of people would hope to spend on a new computer, and you'd still have to get new RAM at a minimum.

And I mean look I know that I think about computer part compatibility more than most people; i have probably purchased more computers in my life than anybody but corporate buyers at this point.

I think that framework is a great option for the people who know that that's the option that they want, but there seems to be the assumption among the community that people are blithely buying computers every two years and throwing out the old ones because they don't know any better and that misses a couple of points:

1 - most people work as hard as possible to get the most out of their computers, often pushing past the realistic ability to upgrade or maintain their existing devices

2 - people who do replace their computers on a 2-3 year schedule tend to do so either because they are very wealthy or because they are pretty broke. Most people who I encounter would *love* to keep their computers longer, but also find that $400 is prohibitively expensive and so are stuck in a cycle of refurbs and chromebooks and black friday sales.

Basically i think that framework is a great idea for people who need to have a new top of the line computer every three years; it is an improvement over buying a new computer every three years, it is doing the "re-use" bit of reduce, re-use, recycle.

However I think that's not most users and I think we could pretty easily get to a place where more users would benefit from reducing through better proactive purchases and maintenance.

Basically: I'm leery of telling people who aren't power users to get a power user computer even if it is theoretically easier to install RAM in a framework than to pop the bottom off of a Dell because it's not actually that hard to pop the bottom off of a Dell.

IDK the entire computer industry is fucked in a major way and at least framework is acknowledging that so props to them on that, and hey it rules that they have a refurb marketplace. That is definitely a company I'd trust for refurbished devices.

[allisluv]

Thinking about the Annie isn't crazy theory. She gets the idea of acting mad after she spends some time in the arena and realizes the full brutality of the games and what exactly the Capitol is enjoying watching. She couldn't even imagine what will happen after she becomes one of their celebrities. What, she'll become like the guy from her school, Finnick Odair, who became a Capitol sweetheart? She remembers what people his friends and family were, they were the type to sit in one of those family restaurants on the deck and drink beer and eat fish and chips that were way too oily (??). She remembers seeing people there play cards, even though their cards were burnt, old and she couldn't even know wich card is wich from distance bc of how pale they got from age and time under the sunlight. It was nothing like those expensive sea restaurants that were only in one part of district that her family went to. For the average citizens of 4 the expensive and high quality seafood and fish wasn't available. Most of it went to the Capitol and the little bit left went to the few richer families and those restaurants. Her father and his friends played there. One of his closest ones owns the biggest casino-resturant in the district. She has seen them play, betting a lot of money that the poorer parts can't even count to. Some of them bet their houses, their possessions, their *families*. She just wished every night her father thought more about her and her mom rather than the money he could win. At least for herself, she knew that nothing had happened. The music in the 2 types of places, the clothes that the people wore, their way of talking, it was all different. In the poorer ones there was traditional district 4 music, people wore their work clothes and talked with heavy accents. The others were with Capitol influenced music, people wore more colourful rather than neutral clothes. Pearl and shell jewelry, sheer dresses and high quality suits. Well, not as high quality as the Capitol ones, but at least it was more than the others in the district. Annie has seen the difference in her clothes and the others. You rarely would see the other girls her age with tons of jewelry, piercings not done in the bathroom and clothes that won't suit for fishing.

Finnick Odair was like the poorer ones but since he won his games 5 years ago everything changed. He moved to the victors village, he started going to those Capitol parties, have a new girlfriend every week. He wasn't the boy hanging out with only 3 people and every girl secretly crushing on him. Now he probably got hhe whole Capitol in his closest and girls weren't ashamed of their crushes. But what was the big deal with him? A guy who can't take money when given, with huge ego and a pretty face. He wasn't like Marin, her district partner. They fucked before their games and Annie would like a bigger connection with him if one of them wasn't supposed to die. With his tattoos, dark slicked back hair and eyes like ice, piercings on the same places as her and skilled with traps he had that mystery in him that Annie wants. Not someone who's social and sex life is talked all about in school. Not someone's who's exes would tell every detail from last night to their friends. Not someone who got attention for being bright. She has seen in bars, the nights when she climbed out of her window with the help of the trees. That's how now she manages to climb them effectively with years of training of sneaking out.

She didn't wanna be like Finnick Odair, changed. The will probably make her to be like most of the other female victors, turned soft. Or the other extreme. Will they change her body in some way, like they did to that one victor from 2? They already changed her style, she was dressed like a fucking jellyfish in the Capitol. She prefered the stereotypical mermaid shit much more than an animal.

Annie didn't wanna be changed. But she was way too scared of death. Maybe if she doesn't fit their standards they won't want her? What if she went mad? At the moment of Marin's death she decided to use it for her good. She was heartbroken, she was scared, she was... Well, she actually went mad. So why not use it. Yes, only a monster would use the death of a friend for their good. But she was mad now. She wouldn't care.

I'm not saying that that happened and it's not my headcanon, but I just wanted to share it idk😭

-🎸

oh. my. god. i am GOBSMACKED. how have i never heard of this theory before? i lowkey fuck with it i won't lie

[the-bjd-community-confess]

I stopped buying from Newcl0ver last year after I saw first hand how greedy they have become. (I use plural pronouns because I refuse to believe Chr1stina is one person.) I had an order in on this bust stand that was per my recollection 3-4 months production time on the product page when I first purchased it. They delete the product pages after preorders so I don't remember. Anyhow, it took way longer than that, I asked them about the order multiple times since I saw people on IG get theirs, and they just kept saying "soon, soon". At 8 months I said I want to cancel. They said that it's ok, but they can only refund me 75% of the price because they will make a loss since they cannot cancel the order to the store and have to resell my order at loss. I agreed if only to be out of it, because I thought it's fair that we share the loss.

Well, a few months later I saw *my* bust stand listed in their "in stock -30% off" category, with my exact order options, and they were asking MORE than I paid during my initial order. I was still able to access my order notes through my profile and check. So I guess that's why they remove the original listings before people get their goods, huh? -30% off? Compared to what? Not the price I paid. I felt like they just scammed me out of 25% of my payment using the pity card and then cashed in some extra on someone else, too.

Their Taobao fees have skyrocketed. A couple years ago, it used to be the price in CNY x 0,19, but now it's already price in CNY x 0,22. One CNY is 0,14 USD so for every dollar you spend in their store, 36 cents go directly into their pocket for just receiving your box and sending it forward. And it's true that the fee includes free standard international shipping to most countries, but still, it's quite a big fee to pay for sending them a ready list of Taobao links and having your stuff drop-shipped to you. The difference in past and current service fees is even more gross considering they used to send monthly 10-15 usd off or 5% off coupons with their newsletters, but no longer do. When I asked them last year why the fees have risen and discounts stopped, they said it's due to the bad exchange rate of CNY to USD. I googled it and while it's true that the rate momentarily fluctuated in 2021-2022, for the past 6 months the exchange rate of CNY-USD has been at the same level as in 2020, so their excuse seems lacking.

I have had several missing items from each of my six large Taobao orders, but I was patient with reminding them about the items because I thought my orders are painfully big (100+ items). But, if you get paid the price you named for your service, is it really on the customer to feel like a burden when you eff up? It was often the expensive items that I had to chase after, too. Like, once when I ordered 30 bags of beads ranging from 1 to 20 dollars, it was the freshwater pearls that cost 20 dollars that were missing. She did always refund me or send the missing items, but it took me a lot of time to check and report, and I had to pay extra customs fees for the after-deliveries.

I used to be a loyal fan of Newcl0ver but I've removed all the messages in my socials where I nudged people towards ordering from them to avoid M00nlightbjdh0use's scammy high agent fees. Now I place Newcl0ver at the same low level as M00n. I'm gonna have to find myself a new doll dealer, since the two big USA dealers don't match my criteria, either. I have heard good things of Magus' agent services, but have yet to try them. Christina is not an official agent of most the artists they claim to represent, anyway, so it's the same to straight out go to someone who is open about not being an official dealer and prices accordingly.

~Anonymous

[door]

1! 6! 11! 25! 26! 33! 41! 42! 48! 52! 54! 69! hoo boy that's a lot. also how's 30s

hi! oh wow that is a lot. enjoy??? (for the 30s ask meme)

gonna answer the last thing first because honestly i've loved my 30s, and since i'm going into my final year of them it seems apt to reflect. i figured out i was queer like a month before i turned 30, so my 30s have been about queerness and community, about taking risks on things that previously i thought i were too old for. i moved cities and careers, i got a masters degree, i found sooooo much friendship and interests and hobbies and got every single one of my tattoos. i am more myself now than i have ever been before. i used to joke that i had been waiting my whole life to turn 30, but i think that was true actually. getting older rules.

What was the first piece of furniture you bought?

off with a BANG. i think it was probably a knock-off saarinen tulip table i got from craigslist when i was in grad school the first time, long long ago. i think the guy had found the base (which may in fact be genuine) and he built a wooden top for it. it's lovely and i think i paid $100 for it. we don't have room for it in the current house (it's dining room sized, about 5 ft across), so it's hiding in my aunt's basement for now.

6. Most precious thing one of your pets has destroyed?

this wasn't actually one of mine, but my parents' dog punkin. the first and only thing i won at auction was a poster for the 1976 50th anniversary of the 1925 exposition des artes decoratifs (which cemented the art deco style and later contributed its name), and punkin ate it. i can still barely talk about it. looked like this:

11. What’s something you saved up for and then regretted buying?

weirdly the first thing i think of is an inflatable chair i got from kb toys in the mall when i was a kid. i thought that thing was going to change my life. it didn't. i cried. my mom helped me return it.

25. Favorite old person activity?

playing solitaire with real cards. when i was a kid, while the rest of us were rolling in the sand and getting our teeth knocked out by waves at the beach, my grandma would sit inside and play solitaire. one year i joined her. she taught me SO many varieties of solitaire and i remember em all.

26. Would you rather sit on the porch drinking sweet tea or sit by the lake drinking beers?

i don't drink alcohol so sweet tea gets my vote. lake vs porch really depends on the breeze situation, but most likely lake. i love a body of water.

33. What’s something you collect?

edward gorey books, including paperbacks he did covers for. also linda ronstadt records

41. What’s the oldest thing you own?

i don't know! i have a lot of old furniture i inherited or found in thrift stores so i really don't know how old any of that is. it might be a ring that belonged to my great-grandmother. it probably dates to the mid-19th century.

42. What’s an unjustifiably expensive appliance that you really want?

a roomba! which is unjustifiable in part because of the weirdness of our house. but how will we know until we try it!

also: this coffee grinder (unjustifiable because we have a perfectly good one already but this one is red) and this milk pan.

48. If you could build your home from scratch, what outrageous feature would you want to build into it?

A CONSERVATORY!!! i want a glasshouse i want to fill it with plants and enjoy the OUTSIDE while INSIDE. that's the dream.

but also like. so many secret passages.

52. Did your relationship with your parents get better when you stopped living with them?

i think it got worse, actually.

54. Do you decorate your house for holidays? Which ones?

i decorate the yard for halloween (full graveyard babey), but any spooky decorations that go up inside the house usually become permanent. we don't have room for anything more than stockings in the current house, but i put christmas lights up on the porch and around a doorway inside.

69. What are you looking forward to next week?

my paycheck lol

[saotome-michi]

I can’t believe this video exists. It’s a discussion between not two, not three, but FOUR mangakas who’ve had works serialized in Weekly Shounen Jump, as well as in Jump SQ and Jump+; Shinohara Kenta (Sket Dance, Kanata no Astra, Witch Watch), Asou Shuuichi (Boku no Watashi no Yuusha Gaku, Saiki Kusuo no Ψ-nan), Aimoto Shou (Hokenshitsu no Shinigami, Kemono Jihen), and Ooishi Kouji (Inumarudashi, Tomatoypoo no Lycopene).

It is SO rare for something like this to be recorded on video and uploaded on Youtube. Ooishi, who seems to be the organizer, mentions in the beginning that they’re doing this without the editorial department’s permission. They don’t talk about anything scandalous (there’s even one part where they start talking about the Jump Survey results and get a bunch of interference and they joke that it’s the editors jamming their feed), but also this video is part 2/3, it’s been a year since and part 3 still hasn’t been uploaded, which makes me wonder if the editors found out and forbid him from continuing this... (though in that case, this video should’ve been deleted)

Some funny things in the video:

Asou is married to an idol. Meanwhile, Shinohara Kenta’s wife and Yabuki Kentarou’s (the mangaka of Black Cat and the artist of To Love-Ru) wife are sisters?! Making them brother-in-laws

Around 10 years ago, Ooishi, Asou, and Aimoto went to a coffee shop. Since Ooishi was the senpai of the group, he paid the bill, which somehow totaled to more than 10,000 yen (about $100) despite them only having consumed coffee. Now that both Asou and Aimoto have become successful, Asou with Saiki K. and Aimoto with Kemono Jihen, Ooishi jokes that they should pay him back. Shinohara asks how did the bill get so expensive. Aimoto replies that it really was just regular coffee, no more than 500 yen per cup ($5), but that she by herself had drank around 8000 yen ($80) worth of coffee which like... girl... 0-0 that’s around 16 cups

From 2009 - 2010, all four of them had serializations in Weekly Shounen Jump. Shinohara mentions that he doesn’t really have memories from the time he was working on Sket Dance (because he was in a “strange” frame of mind, probably meaning he was so focused on making sure Sket Dance wasn’t canceled that he blocked out everything else)

Aimoto asks if they remember the survey results. Shinohara says that he remembers the results for his own manga, but not others. Aimoto says the same. Ooishi then asks them what’s the best survey ranking they ever got. Shinohara asks if they’re allowed to reveal that, which then leads to everyone wondering if they can. Ooishi says that since they’re talking about really old results it should be fine. Aimoto starts talking about it, but then there’s so much interference you can’t tell what she’s saying, causing Ooishi to joke that the editors are jamming their feed. Everyone laughs and decides to change the subject.

Asou asks if they read comments from readers. Shinohara and Ooishi say that they do. Shinohara says that for a mystery story like Kanata no Astra, he would get nervous before reading the comments, because he was always afraid that someone would figure out the mystery and reveal it to everyone else. Asou says that for gag mangas, a lot of the comments were tsukkomi rebuttals to the jokes.

Ooishi asks about everyone’s method on choosing character names, as he feels this is something he’s bad at. Aimoto says that recently she was told, in order for her characters’ names to be easily searchable on the internet, she shouldn’t pick out names that are commonly used. Asou remarks that that’s how he chose his pen name, by finding something that wasn’t already used on the internet.

On that note, while Asou Shuuichi and Aimoto Shou are both pen names, Shinohara Kenta and Ooishi Kouji use their real names, something that they both regret now. They remark that their generation of Jump mangaka didn’t really use pen names. Shinohara says that whenever he gets a package delivered from Shueisha, he gets worried that the delivery person would find out his identity and address, so now he has a “pen name” just for package delivery. Ooishi says that he uses a different name for haircuts and food delivery, and that when the hairstylist asks about his occupation, he just says that he works at home remotely.

All four remark that signing stuff for fans is hard, because they can’t just write their names they also have to draw something, and they feel a lot of pressure to make sure that drawing is good for the fan. Shinohara comments that although the requests make him very happy, he also gets worried because he’s slow at drawing. Whenever he watches videos of Kubo-sensei drawing (Kubo as in Kubo Tite, the mangaka of Bleach), he’s in awe because he produces such wonderful drawings so quickly and without sketching a rough draft or any guidelines.

Ooishi asks them when did they decide on their autograph, recounting that Hamada Kousuke (mangaka of Hanebado!) already had his autograph ready when working as an assistant at 19 years old. Shinohara says that he only decided on his after Sket Dance got serialized. Ooishi comments that he hesitated thinking about his autograph because there was always the possibility that his manga wouldn’t succeed, which Shinohara readily agrees with, stating that with Jump, the risk of cancellation always loomed overhead.

Ooishi asks when did they decide to be a mangaka. Asou and Ooishi decided around the age of 20. (Aimoto does not state exactly when, but given that she debuted at 19, probably at least a year before then.) Shinohara is the outlier who decided at 28/9, after quitting his job at a video game company. He submitted works for the Jump 12 Outstanding Rookie Manga Award and did not win, but he was a finalist. After that he debuted in Akamaru Jump with “Red Panda Puppet Show”, which Asou says he found really entertaining. Aimoto was also writing for Akamaru at around the same time, her debut work “Hanasaka Hime”, which Shinohara says he remembers very well, because the art was so good. Ooishi says that she was probably the youngest person to have debuted, but Aimoto says that she thinks Yabuki (Black Cat and To Love-ru Mangaka) was the youngest, because he debuted at the age of 18. Shinohara laughs and remarks that he must be the oldest and Yabuki the youngest. They have a funny relationship where Yabuki is his senpai even though he’s the “younger brother” (remember, they’re brother-in-laws lol) 

Shinohara mentions that when he visits his wife’s family home for the new year, Yabuki is also there. Ooishi jokes, presenting a To Love-Ru scenario where Yabuki’s in the bath and Shinohara enters the room. Shinohara finishes the joke saying, “I slide on a bar of soap and then, ossan on ossan, we bash our crotches together.”

[yaskie]

Another surgery, more Chemo

Dear Friends, I got most of my results today. And I got bad days sometimes. It's been how many months eversince I went home after a year of being in and out of HP, and been into ICU. I am in need of another surgery again to remove water in my lungs as it re-occurs almost monthly because of pleural effusion, infection. Which requires medical attention. I have this occurring condition because of my Treatments,  and tumors are occurring all over my body and some of them are malignant which requires so much attention. My illness was earlier detected and in lower stages, and can be cured(I am praying always) to not advance, but it will take time as to how my body reacts. My lungs has a very bad history last 2018, and lately they have found something on my breast that needs further checking as well. My breasts hurts a lot. Unfortunately, the cost of the surgery and the mounting hospital bills that have piled up from my past hospitalization(2021-2022), have become an overwhelming burden for me, my friends and my family. We are also still grieving at the untimely passing of my niece 3 weeks ago. They have already exhausted their savings and are struggling to make ends meet. And also I've been a breadwinner of my Family for a very long time. They depend on me financially.  Weekly Treatments are costly for me too as well. As we have a very bad healthcare system where I live.  And despite having a job, it only pays me $250/monthly which is not enough, because I am renting an apartment. And have a caregiver to check on my welfare, as I have difficulties in movement and series of bad episodes. I am also taking care of my cats and dog,

I am also most of the time in an oxygen so that it will ease my breathing problems. I have bad days, but I am trying my best to ease the pain and smile everyday.💖💝 I am really ashamed to ask help once again, as you all know I made my Etsy store several months ago to help with my expenses, but Etsy permanently suspend it without any proper explanation, despite my appeal. The Laptop which I also use for designing is no longer working, and I need to redesign again to sell, to support my Treatment. I humbly ask for your support once again. As I need to have the procedure to be scheduled next week 24th of May. Update as of June: I am already home but unfortunately my bills have piled up again, and signed a promissory letter.

Please share this post, spread the word, this will help me a lot. Every contribution, no matter how small, will make a significant impact to me.

I am also starting to make an artwork to sell here on Ko-Fi once my procedure is finish. I might stay in HP for 4-5 days. Thank you so much for all the help! And I love you all!

For Donations $149 and above. If you wish to donate more than that please send them into parts(Ex.$300 = $100,$100,$50,$50), because Paypal will hold them usually for 10 working days. Thank you so much for understanding.

For Donors, you can send to me your screenshot of the amount that you have donated here: estiellearts@gmail.com and I will make a small gift for you, a digital art of dog or cat of your liking. Or if you have a tumblr please message me, and I will tag you of the art. It will take time for me to make them, and I ask for your patience about this matter. Thank you so much!

Sorry for tagging you all guys again, if you could tag any fundraising blogs and your friends here on Tumblr please do so. it will help boost my campaign. You can also share my link to your Social Media accounts, and if you can share this outside of tumblr. It will b a great help to me. @leonshin99 @shotce @thelovelywarriorsheart @sparkie96 @c1a1r3r3df1e1d @silvertonguelover @measurelessdreamer @fossil-finder @vietnoodle @irishspringyum @kevinbuiyin I am a Chreon and Geraskier fan as well. I have a small discord group and I appreciate for you to join if you can. It will be lovely to have more friends. DISCORD GROUP

[quietbooklion]

Thoughts on: Koga

Here we go, my first review on here about Koga.

This is going to be a review on his Book II: Lovers story. I'll get around to posting a character review when I read the event stories he's in.

*This review will contain spoilers, you have been warned.*

Koga is an interesting character in that he is very charismatic. Like, this dude will be willing to help out anyone at the expense of putting himself on the backburn. But there’s also the stubborn side of him trying to do things on his own without putting others at risk. And I do like the contrast of him being helpful but also keeping others at a distance when he wants to do something on his own. He’s described in the game as a big brother to a lot of people and that perfectly fits him. Even within his group of the Dawn faction, he does his best to bring them together not only as a group fighting the Wraiths but acting as a support group for Futaba when she needs it the most. He’s just overall a good guy.

Even his background, as tragic as it is, doesn’t deter him from wanting and trying to be a good person. It all ties back with the true nature of Oni and the power he has within him. The carnage he has to keep at bay or else he will literally kill anyone in his sight. He doesn’t like that part but knows that its something he can’t easily get rid of. This makes him all the more interesting and showing the player there’s more to this guy than him being a big bro to everyone.

And I want to add how his friendship with Kuya was so cute considering they're complete opposites and yet their friendship works so well.

That being said, while I do think Koga is a good character, I wouldn’t say he stands out to me the most. Not to say I think he’s bad and I was invested in knowing what happened to him and the story, it didn’t really tug at my heartstrings. I thought his story was good but it wasn’t great. I distinctly remember feeling this way when I had played his route years ago and I still do even after replaying it the past week. Plus when it comes to the romance between Koga and the MC, I didn’t really feel much of anything between them. They did have some cute moments but when I got to the end and they did confess their love for each other, it didn’t feel as cathartic as other love confessions I’ve seen.

Then… things happened in the last few parts of his story.

Things took a weird turn in the last few parts of his story which gave me lots of mixed thoughts. Mainly because it came out of nowhere and just confused me more than anything. Basically, Kyonosuke had plans for the MC to pretty much give up her life and work for the Government and become their Onmyoji diviner. If that wasn’t odd enough, then his façade falls and he’s just straight up racist to the Ayakashi, especially to Koga because he’s an Oni. I was confused and that confusion turned into disappointment. You’re telling me that Kyonosuke, who wasn’t even in the story 95% of the time, did a 180 and wants to completely upend Futaba’s life and kill Koga?????? I know that Kyonosuke is the type to do things in what he believes is best for the Capital and is willing to do things that are morally questionable and he may not trust Ayakashi completely. But this came out of nowhere, I don’t find this sudden turn to be believable or shocking. I found it kind of annoying if I’m being honest. It wasn’t all bad since it does end with a cute moment with Koga and Futaba.

As for Akiyasu, he did fulfil his role as the antagonist for a brief while. Don’t really have much to say about him honestly (That’s for his route when I get around to replaying it)

Overall, I think that Koga is a good character with a good story. I liked how we get to see the different sides to him. While his story didn’t really wow me and the last few parts being a rushed mess, it’s still something I think a lot of people would enjoy.

3.5 out of 5.

[dausy]

I got a job.

Which is kind of nifty I guess. I feel like it removes some of my stress although I knew I wouldn't have an issue finding a job, its just that the unknown makes us feel like we are continuously poor and homeless when that isn't the case.

An old classmate of mine from nursing school had messaged me some odd days ago saying she was leaving her job because her commute was really long and she wanted to know if I wanted it. She said she loved her job otherwise. I was actually going to wait until we moved to start applying for jobs because a lot of places want you to start ASAP and I don't want to apply too early. But she had already recommended me to her manager and he contacted me with a referral link to fill out. Did a virtual interview and he told me he knew he was already going to offer me the job.

HR already sent me an acceptance package and stated they wanted to pay me a relocation fee. Just an FYI this is for an Interventional Radiology nurse position, which I suppose I do have a bit of experience in with my previous position. IR is considered a cush or "soft" nursing job, but this is with a lvl1 trauma center and I'm not that familiar with the type of high acuity cases that they do. The last time I worked in a lvl1 trauma center it was primarily preop/PhaseII and a smidgeon of pacu. I wasn't in the thick of super acute/sick patients. So I don't really know what to expect in IR. It SOUNDS like they just want somebody who is familiar with and knows how to push meds for conscious sedation. They have techs who scrub in with the doctor. That was primarily what I was nervous about was trying to learn how to scrub for so many different types of procedures (cause they said they do about 40 different types) and I was like "oh lord thats a lot to learn and prove myself on, in a short orientation". But they told me that I would just be doing the conscious sedation and thats it. Which takes a lot of stress off. I don't know how to scrub..so..

anyway, coincidentally at the same time I accepted the position, somebody posted on the nursing reddit saying something like "those of you who want to work in IR because its a soft nursing job, WE DONT WANT YOU" I mean, I work hard and I split myself into 1400 pieces to try and help everybody so I'm not coming in to just sit and play on my phone.

The downsides to this job is that there is on-call and then I'd be making less money than what I was getting paid 5 years ago and rent prices have skyrocketted. Which is really sad. It has pretty much doubled. So less pay and more expensive CoL. We are already expecting to have to pay around 2000-2200/mo on rent alone for nothing super special. Not including pet rent and then utilities.

Me and my spouse were jokingly talking about me joining the service for the benefits. While its been brought up to me before in the past, I didn't think I had it in me to join the military. Now I'm actually kind of taking it seriously. I already talked to a recruiter but they aren't making it easy to get in contact with them which makes me think they're going to tell me they werent interested. But hypothetically, if I joined the military nurse corps, I'd go in as an officer, get officer pay, get BAH, get a retirement, continue the lifestyle of which I've become accustomed and if they have my specialty available, I would just continue doing the job I've become accustomed to. It was actually kind of enlightening.

If I have to work my booty off being full time, on call, making less than my mom as a secretary and I have to continue being a nurse....I mean, I dunno..people say that the military can't compete with civilian hospitals, but I kind of beg to differ. To me, it seems like they're offering a lot more.

But if military says "no, we don't need your specialty", I do have a job waiting for me for when we move.

[snowmuttgetsweird]

5/12/24, late morning

How about something a little more positive while I wait for my mom to give me the okay to call her for mother's day?

I love my day job! I'm a TCG guy more than anything, hobby-wise, so exploring board games as a sales person has been intimidating, and I frequently feel like I'm underperforming even when my coworkers tell me I'm doing great and that I'm providing skills the crew doesn't have otherwise, but it's a wonderful job. It's relatively low stress, there's ample opportunity to steal extra shifts which makes up for the middling pay, and a (generous) employee discount for arguably my most expensive hobby (ironically Digimon is one of the cheapest TCGs out there) is a godsend.

On quiet days, I'm frequently treated with an opportunity to learn a new board game. Last week I learned Wingspan, a few days ago I learned Wyrmspan, and just yesterday I learned Scout. I've even had opportunities to play multiple games before they were even available to the general public like Gloomhaven Buttons & Bugs and Star Wars Unlimited! So far almost everything that I've played I've enjoyed a lot too.

It might not be the highest paying job, but it's very easy, the staff and management is super laid back and grounded, and I get to learn board games. I literally can't think of anything wrong with that. It's the kind of job that makes me WANT to do my best, so I frequently go above and beyond the level of effort I'd normally exert for other retail jobs I've had.

Besides all that, it might have literally saved my life. Art is cool, but it doesn't pay that well- especially at the level I'm at. This day job being my primary flow of income with art being supplemental has been very good, and I'm very lucky that my patrons and followers are willing to be so patient with me while I find my footing.

I know I've said so before, but I feel like this year I've really got a great chance at succeeding financially. Last year I only had my day job since September, so for 8 months I had to earn a bare minimum of about $1800 a month through art alone so I could set aside 20% for taxes and still pay rent. This year, my day job and Patreon more or less cover rent for me, and everything I make through art is technically "gravy." Right now, all of that is going toward paying off money I owe to my roommate for covering most of our utilities by himself, but once that's all paid off and I'm consistently making enough to keep up with paying half of those bills, 30% of whatever I make through art will be set aside for taxes from now on, regardless of how much I make since I'm not trying to hit a specific threshold for rent, and then the rest can become SAVINGS! The key now is to calculate the average cost of our bills and utilities so I can try to make sure I make MORE per month than what I owe so I can catch up to the ongoing fees. I'm pretty optimistic about that.

BOOKS! As you know, I've been reigniting my love for reading since a little before I moved to WA- mostly because it's cheap (I've fallen in love with my local discount book shop's clearance racks), and it's a great way to fill in dead hours and lunch periods at the day job and quiet evenings at home when I'm done with art. Especially now that it's warming up, sometimes I like to head outside for a walk and then settle down and read in the park. Once in a while I treat myself to a milk tea or something too.

I finished The Archive Undying by Emma Mieko Candon, and I loved it. I'm probably going to give it a second read because I think there were some parts I may have ADHD'd through and not quite absorbed, and the sequel should be out sometime this year too. I got The Archive Undying as a birthday gift last year, so the sequel might be the first brand new book I'll have purchased in a while lol- I'm super excited.

My friend that let me borrow Legends & Lattes picked up a copy of the prequel, Bookshops & Bonedust, which he let me borrow before he started reading it himself, and I devoured it. Much like the first, it's a super cozy little read- not much in the way of substance, very little in the way of world building or complex character relationships, etc, but rich in comfort and good feelings.

Right now I'm working on a collection of Lovecraftian/Cosmic Horror short stories called Horrors Beyond: Tales of Terrifying Realities, and I found a couple more books from my local discount book store I'll tackle after that: What Dreams May Come by Richard Matheson (honestly I did not know this was a book first- shame on me) and The Star Fraction by Ken Macleod. I got them both off the clearance rack for just a little over $5 bucks in all!

I'm also experimenting with audio books. While I'm doing relatively mindless logistics stuff at the day job, I'm listening to audio books in one ear of some things I've read a while ago, but since kinda forgot. My mom was always a huge Anne Rice fan and had proudly collected the entirety of her works, and so I read a handful of books from her library growing up (my personal favorite of what I've read myself actually being Cry to Heaven). One I remember reading but not really enjoying much was actually the first book in her Vampire Chronicles, Interview with the Vampire. I'm not a big Louis fan (I'm more in the Lestat camp myself) and found the book as a whole kinda dull, mostly due to Louis' weak and winging personality, but I've since decided to give it another shot as an audio book, and it IS at least better than I remember giving it credit for. I still don't care for Louis though, lol. I prefer to read myself, but audio books are nice just to keep my brain going with something in the background while I'm doing something otherwise fairly mindless, like alphabetizing and rearranging miniatures or beautifying shelves of product.

GAMES! Not a TON to talk about here tbh. I've mostly been playing FF7 Rebirth, and it's been... Good...? I finally beat it on Normal after about 150 hours trying to exhaust every sidequest and minigame as much as possible, and I've since begun my Hard mode NG+. The story is great, there are a couple parts I'm not fond of that feels like Nomura is just Kingdom Hearts-ing all over FF7, but it's good overall and the gameplay feels really good. The most frustrating part of the game by far is just all the minigames- mostly that in order to completely beat them all, you have to do them PERFECTLY- it's very unforgiving.

Gotta go for now. Talk later. :)

[mrnicekisser]

[Street Gacha] Chapter 5

Written by 木野誠太郎

Hayate: Ahh. That's pretty good.

Runa: Haa, huh... That's a disgrace, isn't it?

If you lose to the "ally of justice", you'll become the great villain.

Hayate: By the way, you said you were looking for new owners. Do you think you might be able to find one?

Runa: No. I guess it's not easy to find a good person who will take in a cat that you don't know where it came from. It's a bit strange to call a cat "a horse bone" though.

If I were to look for one, I'd look for a place where people gather, like a busy downtown area on holidays.

I plan my strategy every day, but it turns out that it's difficult to find someone just by handing out posters and flyers.

I think it's legal to just post a notice on a utility pole, but getting permission is a pain. I don't really like public authority, you know?

Mizuki: If there are people who can attract a lot of customers with their street performances, they can also advertise for you. But you don't see that kind of thing often in downtown areas, do you?

Hayate: Surely. Maybe it's because there's an amusement park nearby, so the comedians and people in costumes go there instead of downtown. Downtown areas have an image of being for shoppers.

If you want to appeal to shoppers, hmm?

Of course, it would be rude to put up a sign in front of a pet shop, but it would be even worse to stop people from coming to other stores.

Hey, wait...I think I have a clever idea.

Runa: What is it?

Hayate: All you need to do is attract attention from people in the downtown area, right?

Then there's someone suitable for the job. Kuromori-senpai from the light music club.

I met her not so while ago, and it looked like she was on her way to the clothing store. I think she's still in the downtown area, so if you look for her, she'll be able to help.

Mizuki: I see...Certainly, that girl who had gained enthusiastic support as a "fallen angel" might be able to attract attention.

Runa: If we decide to do that, why don't we start searching for Kuromori-senpai? I think it would be much more effective than trying to attract customers ourselves.

"Fallen Angel" Kuromori Suzu's skills are on display. ♪

Hayate: ..That's why. Could you please help me, Kuromori-senpai?

Suzu: Eh, I don't like that idea.

Hayate: I-Is that an immediate answer!? You have mercy, right?

Suzu: No. I'd like to help if I can. Unfortunately, I don't have any instruments or stage costumes with me now.

Even if i did, the song is a blasphemous and noisy.

I am very different from the kind of good people who pick up abandoned cats. I will probably be avoided.

in addition, if you put on an extreme performance and get arrested by a police officer, it would be a "thing".

I was suspended from school at the beginning of this year for something I did in the Dark Culture Festival. If I cause further trouble in public, I could be expelled rather than suspended.

If you look at us, we're not the type of people who would take care of an abandoned cat, right? But contrary to appearances, we do take care of them. 

In other words, there's nothing strange about someone who likes rock music and also likes cats!

Even if the police spots you, you can just run away. Kuromori-senpai in "Fallen Angels" runs away in the face of power, is that a joke?

Hayate: No, no. I don't think I would let my senior, who is graduating in six months, cross this dangerous bridge. I guess I have no choice but to start by handing out flyers.

Mizuki: But printing flyers is expensive enough. I used up all my pocket money on feeding the cat.

Hayate: I wonder if I can do it by hand, or if it would take a lot of time to make handwritten flyers. What should I do?

Suzu: Hmm. If we keep quiet, they can say what they want... Do you not care about our opinions? No matter how much the light music club seeks chaos, they are nothing more than puppets.

If Ruka has something to say, feel free to do it. What do you think about this situation with kittens?

Ruka: Ah, yes, sorry! It was so fun to play with kittens, I got distracted...

Hehehe. This one is so affectionate and cute...

It's outrageous that we would abandon such babies. But at the same time, I think it's a good opportunity.

Suzu: ...A good opportunity?

Ruku: Yes. Um, well... If you can't play the noisy songs, I thought maybe you should play songs that aren't noisy so you won't get in trouble.

Suzu-senpai might not like it though. Hey, sometimes she composes ballad-like songs.

There's a song that I wrote but haven't released since because it doesn't fit the image of a "Fallen Angel". If you don't mind, I'd like you to sing it.

However, if you need an instrument, I'll buy a guitar for practice, so I'm sure you'll be fine using that! I think casual clothes will suit you better, as it will match your usual melody...

Suzu: ...

Suzu: Well. I can't sing songs that aren't rock. I couldn't sing even if you'll ask me to.

Ruka: Sigh...

Hayate: Hey, hey. Are you more concerned about your image than about stray kittens?

Suzu: Listen to the end, "ally of Justice." You don't like it when your advances are ignored, do you?

Suzu: I am a fallen angel. I am an eccentric person who was saved by rock-and-roll, which is like a snoring sound to the gods of heaven, and who found salvation in such songs.

Even if such a person were to sing a ballad, it would not resonate with the souls of the onlookers because it would not come from the heart.

However, if Ruka will sing, it would be a different story. It hasn't been long since she has been a member of the light music club.

Although she is a fallen angel (Lucifer) with broken wings, she should be able to sing songs that resonate with people as a life-sized girl.

So...I'll take it a little lightly when you sing a love song in front of me. I help Ruka play the song, and Ruka makes her singing voice resonate. How about it?

Ruka: Y-you want me to... sing?

[papirouge]

Jeremy fragrance is the only white man I will watch on YouTube, his lore is just crazy 😭

I love how he's going the "reverse" professional youtube route by becoming more and more raw & doing more half assed videos & thumbnails by the year lol

His peak (5-6 years ago)

His 4 last videos💀

The "hot perfume man" is what made him famous but it looks like he's fine being unapologetically himself and not put up with the handsome facade.

He also heavily used women as thirst bait in his early video (peep the "teenage picks" thumbnail with a girl showing cleavage...) so I appreciate he stopped doing it.

He's still surrounded with very "shady" women (escorts) in lots of his recent videos....

In his GRWM morning routine video (I posted yesterday) he shows his real place which is much more regular and modest than the huge loft and penthouses he's showing off/filming from on his instagram, so I really have a hard time understanding his financial status... His personal line perfumes are pretty expensive and I know that companies make HUGE margins on products like perfume (that's why all fashion brands make perfume btw, bc they don't really sell clothes) so he could make quite a few bucks from it, but idk, something aint mathing lol

That's why as much as love him for being so weird and genuinely eccentric, I still have 10% of ⚠️scrote alert⚠️ suspicion of him. Somehow I wouldn't be surprised he actually ran a network of escort and that his perfume hustle was just a coverup. He's a middle aged C list influencer after all - we shouldn't put up our hope too high for this flock of people...

[qqueenofhades]

May not by your wheelhouse, but regarding ever-increasing college tuition, where does the money go? Why is college so much more expensive than it was a few decades ago?

I have indeed written several posts about the college affordability crisis, which are probably to be found in my "ronald reagan burn in hell" tag. This is because, as with most of the batfuckery of the American economy since the 1980s, it is indeed Ronald Reagan's fault. The overall causes of college skyrocketing in cost include, but are not limited to:

1) Huge tax cuts for corporations and the wealthy, gutting the funding that public education systems/public universities previously received from the government;

2) This in turn increased the costs at private universities, which had always been more expensive than public universities anyway, and besides, they were now free to put up their prices as far as they wanted;

3) The "unregulated free market trickle-down capitalism for everyone!!" Reagan-era mentality led to the explosion of costs in healthcare, housing, education, etc etc., and drastically widened the level of income inequality between rich and poor;

4) The replacement of grants (which you don't have to pay back) with loans (which you do), which incentivized unscrupulous loan companies to increase the burden of debt on students and for colleges to charge more and more tuition in the form of loans;

5) A bachelor's degree was once supposed to guarantee you a job, and now does nothing of the sort, and because the market has become so crowded and oversaturated with generally unsatisfactory and unstable job options, you are expected to pay for multiple degrees and go even DEEPER into debt;

6) Obviously, because of this total rejiggering of the economic landscape, everything costs a fuckton more than it used to 40 years ago, so colleges can't return to their 1970s-era fee structure;

7) As an academic, I can promise you that very little of this money is actually going to faculty salaries or the development/sustainment of new programs. Yes, obviously it costs money to run a quality educational institution, and I also obviously want all universities to be funded properly and for academics to be paid what they deserve. But the actual distribution of this money is... less clear.

8) Schools with giant well-known Division I sports programs tend to get all or most of the money that comes into their institutions, leaving relatively little for academic or faculty development;

9) For example: I work at a large, fairly prestigious, private university with very high research activity/classification, and we don’t even have a football team sucking up the money. But still, every single quarter, my department has to go through the budget with a magnifying glass, cut low-enrolled courses, argue constantly with the dean about which courses we do get to teach, etc. Our adjuncts also get paid literal peanuts for taking on a lot of work, and because we're so low on core faculty and just had to cancel another faculty search because of budget reasons, probably 50% of our schedule in the upcoming quarter is being taught by adjuncts. This is... not ideal.

10) Student debt is now such a lucrative part of the American commodities market, is so embedded in the financial system, and constitutes (at last glance) up to $1.8 trillion of outstanding debt, that when Biden tried to cancel even some of it, the Republicans immediately lost their minds and sued him to stop it. As of now, that case is still pending before SCOTUS, and because they're the literal worst, nobody hold your breath for a good outcome.

In short: college is one of the areas that has suffered the most from unregulated Reagonomics over the last 40 years, has been repeatedly incentivized to become and to stay extremely expensive and to represent a long-term burden of debt, and while you would hope that the money was being responsibly reinvested into actual faculty hiring/retention/academic program development etc, that is... not usually the case. The big Division I universities that serve as farm team training programs for the NFL, with a little academics on the side, also tend to have tons of investment in sports and not nearly as much in the classroom. But I'm sure this is fine!