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livelaughlovesubs · 2 months ago

Text

~ 03.10 - Choso ~

Dom!reader x sub!Choso - reader is gender neutral

Warning: soft dom, established relationship, fingering, toys, belly bulge, marking, biting, praise kink, cumming untouched, mind break, sub-space, dacryphilia, teasing, dirty talk

~ Word count: 5k ~

Nini!rant: why does all my fics til now have cumming untouched. I’m seeing a fucking pattern. Do I not like touching dicks or what???

Kinktober list 2024

You were uncertain when or how it happened, but it has become a part of your normal routine now. One day, that guy suddenly popped up out of nowhere, captivating your heart and soul as if you were some easy target. At first, you were skeptical about this newfound relationship of yours, but now you can’t even imagine a single day without him. It was almost scary how quick you got used to his presence.

Most of the time you two would see each other on the weekends, though it was always different. Apparently, he had horribly irregular working hours, which led to very spontaneous meetings as well as cancellations. You didn’t know much about his job, because frankly, you didn’t care. He must have his reasons for not wanting to tell you.

Today was one of those rare days where you got to meet your boyfriend, which means you’ll have to cherish every moment and make it special. Maybe going out to a fancy restaurant, or staying at home and watching a movie together? Though wouldn't that be boring? Since you two have tried both of it already.

On the outside your relationship seems very innocent and adorable, the real highlight of each date was what would happen afterward. For that, you already had some plans. Honestly it was basically impossible to run out of ideas since there are so many things you want to try with him. Is this what they call love, or are you just a huge pervert? But the last thing you’d want is for your relationship to become a purely intimate one, and you knew he wouldn’t like that either.

Maybe cooking together, it could be fun, but having a full belly would get in the way of your plans for later. What about playing board games then? Time passes so quickly when one is busy, before you knew it your doorbell already rang. Without wasting another second, you hurried to the door and opened it, hoping that it was the person you wished to see.

Choso stood in front of your house with his usual tired attitude, holding a small bag full of your favorite snacks. “You are here.” You said while smiling widely, “come in.” He took off his shoes and put the bag on a nearby table, then explained, “I brought something for you.” As soon as he got back to his feet, he handed that bag to you, what a thoughtful lover he was.

You already noticed what was inside earlier, which is why you wrapped your arms around his waist instead of taking his present, uttering a single word, “Thanks.” Why were you hugging him so suddenly, was what he thought, you really were easy to please. After a moment’s hesitation, he returned the embrace. Even after all this time, he was still so awkward.

The two of you were really happy with each other, you adored him with all your heart. He was so thoughtful and adorable, all you wanted was to squish him or keep him in your pockets. Every time you spoke about him, you’d be singing praises with each sentence. It was afternoon when he arrived, so you two still had enough time to do whatever you wished. You initially wanted to propose the idea of playing games, but he looked very sleepy already, which is why you suggested cuddling while watching a show instead.

At first, you two started out sitting next to each other, on your bed, staring at the monitor. Ten minutes later, you inched closer to him. Soon his head was resting on your shoulder, and your hand wrapped around his back. After about half an hour, his entire upper body was on top of yours. He was still sitting next to you, in other words he was basically laying on top of you.

The positions got more intimate with time until at one point he actually sat in your lap. Your hands wrapped around his torso tightly while he leaned back against your chest. This continued for quite some time, both of you were enjoying the warmth and company of one another. How you adored him, it was unreal how much you missed his presence. Before meeting him you were doing just fine all by yourself, now every single thought of yours was preoccupied with him.

Eventually, the series ended, and the sun was setting already. The sky was painted in many beautiful colors, fading from a dreamy yellow into an elegant dark violet. It looked picture-perfect, like the most treasured painting of a renowned artist. A single look was enough to take your breath away.

Choso followed your gaze, staring outside the window to see what got you so excited. Even he couldn’t help but take a moment to appreciate nature's beauty, before choosing to stare at you. To him, your gentle expression as you gazed into the horizon was more mesmerising than anything else in the world. Since for him, there was no one more beautiful than you.

Another minute passed, and you returned to your senses, snapping back to reality. You noticed how his gaze lingered on you the entire time, instead of admiring the scenery. This almost made you feel awkward, so you laughed. Chuckling slightly as he looking at you in bewilderment. “Don’t you know how adorable you are, Choso?” You snickered, smiling as you thanked god for gifting you such a man. He furrowed his brows, what did he do now to make you laugh at him like that.

Then the boy looked at you over his shoulder, his messy buns bounced and almost hit you in the face. “What now?” Choso asked, deciding to ignore your previous comment. “I’m not sure, or should we move on to the second part of the date now?” You suggested, sound in way too innocent for what you were implying.

For a split second, his eyes widened, and you could swear his cheeks got tainted in a rosy red. “We can do that.” He answered, now averting his gaze. Geez, why so embarrassed, was what you wanted to ask. It’s not like this is your first time after all. Nonetheless, you just embraced him tighter as you teased, “you don’t have any plans for tomorrow, right? Cuz I’m sure you won’t be able to attend it after tonight.”

He frowned, almost scoffing at your words, though he couldn’t hide the faint blush tainting his pale cheeks. Your intentions were as clear as day, do you have no shame? The boy knew he didn’t need to pretend like he didn’t understand. All he could do at that moment was blush and stay silent. What could he have done anyway? Flirting back wasn’t like him, not like he knew how to do that anyway.

“Let me go, I have to wash up first.” Choso then said, ultimately agreeing to your wishes, already throwing a hand over his mouth. He didn’t want to sound too excited, trying to act calm after hearing your playful remarks. You blinked a few times before coming up with a flirty remark again, “then, can I join you?” He answered without thinking about it, “no.” There was no hesitation in his voice as he denied your attempts.

Of course, he knew you had seen and touched every inch of his body already, but if you joined him under the shower he’ll probably end up dirtier than before. Since he seemed so against it, you didn’t pressure him any further, loosening your grip around his body and letting him get up. “Take your time then, I’ll do the rest.” While he was in the bathroom, you tidied up your bed chamber, getting rid of the many empty bowls on the ground, and putting the leftover snacks away. It didn’t take too long until you finished the chores. Then you started taking out some tools you’ll need for later.

A pair of gloves, lube, and a special something. Hopefully, he’ll enjoy your little present, you put a lot of thought into it. Putting these helpers aside for now, you threw yourself onto your bed, waiting until he got out of the shower. As you waited, you thought about what you’d do later, especially about the pretty faces your lovely boyfriend might pull. Thinking about him alone was enough to make you exited, almost to the point of getting impatient with waiting.

A few moments later, you heard the expected click of the doorknob. Choso stepped out of the bathroom shortly after, he was wearing a big sweater paired with some comfy pants, and his hair was still slightly damp. It’s been a while since you saw him with his hair down. How to describe it, he was literally the god of beauty’s incarnation.

He was so gorgeous you could cry. You couldn’t help but stare at him in awe, holding back the urge to jump him and compliment him. All you did was smile sweetly as you patted the seat next to you on the bed, inviting him to come closer. Once he sat down, you tapped his shoulder gently, before you pushed him a little.

Choso stared at you with a slightly confused look, did you want him to lay down or? Instead of elaborating, you chuckled again, causing him to feel embarrassed. Weirdly enough, you suddenly sneaked up behind his back, taking a seat there, out of his view. “What are you planning, y/n?” He asked, genuinely curious. This was almost the same position like before, when you two watched the series together.

“You’ll see, but can you do me a favor and spread your legs? Also, get rid of those pants alright?” You asked him so casually, it almost sounded natural, almost innocent. The male gulped, hesitating a bit before pulling his pants down, revealing his bare thighs. He didn’t wear any underwear after getting out of the shower, obviously because he knew it’d be unnecessary, atta boy.

You waited for him patiently, not wanting to rush him or push him out of his comfort zone. After a while he leaned back against you again, back pressed against your body to the point you both could hear the others heartbeat. His hands grabbed his shin as he spread them apart. “There… satisfied?” He questioned you with a slight tremble in his voice, which you thought was adorable. God damn it, you find everything he does cute, what to do? If he told you to steal the moon for him, you would have done so without hesitation.

“Yes, very much so.” You replied while you put on a latex glove, afterwards squeezing some lube onto your fingers. “I’ll begin now, is that alright?” The man nodded despite being a little on edge about it, he was always a tad nervous when you two would do the deed. First, you only drew circles around his rim, coating his intimate parts with lube. Then you slowly pushed your index finger inside, wriggling it around. It didn’t take long until you drew out an emotion from the boy. He trembled a bit at the feeling of each of your knuckles entering him.

A second digit followed soon after. “Hahhh…” Choso exhaled deeply, feeling the familiar stretch he always loved but would never admit to you. “Is this pace alright my love?” You asked him, stopping your tracks so that he could catch a break. Every time you two slept together this would happen, whenever he looked into your eyes you bore such a deep desire for him. Akin to that of a beast, as if you wanted to eat him alive.

Yet you never acted upon those impulses, always catering to his needs and preferences. How very considerate of you, he wanted you to enjoy yourself to the fullest as well. Even if you were a little rougher on him he wouldn’t complain, he wanted to tell you that for a long time now, yet he hasn’t mustered the courage to do that.

“Hnng… yea, it’s alright.” He told you, his gaze was now glued to your hand that was working wonders on his body. Watching you move your fingers in and out of him felt even more perverse than getting fingered, especially due to the squelching sounds caused by the lube. At the same time, his dick was standing up proudly, all hard from a little fingering. This won’t do, his already tattered pride won’t allow this humiliation.

Quickly, Choso voiced out his thoughts, trying to hurry things up, “I-i think this is enough, can we move on to the next part, y/n?” His pupils shook, and a faint blush covered his cheeks. A shiver ran down your spine, your darling was so adorable that you barely kept yourself in check. “Are you sure about it?” You kept asking for his consent, resting your chin on his shoulder as you glanced at his frame.

It was hidden behind a sweater, though you were still able to make out the outlines of his muscles. Once again, he nodded, allowing you to do whatever you wanted to his body. “Alright… to be honest I prepared something for you, I hope you don’t mind.” What? Today wasn’t a special day, so why did you buy him a gift? This caught his attention now, eyes lightening up a little as he pondered what that surprise might be. What did you get him?

Next thing he knew something cold and hard was pressing against his entrance, causing him to yelp slightly. “Ngh— Is it…?” Based on the feeling alone, as well as texture… Hold up, was it a sex toy? He looked down, only to be met with a huge dildo poking against him. The size was enormous, way bigger than him, he knew because you rubbed the two dicks together. It was at least two inches longer than him.

“Wa-what.. no way, are- are you suggesting that that… thing…?” He couldn’t find the right words, or rather, he couldn’t bring himself to voice them out. “Yep, this is going inside you.” You smirked at him so innocently that he almost believed this was a fever dream. Though if he wasn’t mistaken, you had a hint of mischief underneath your tone as well. “Ngh.. wait- isn’t this too… errr, big?” The boy raised his concerns while you were already preoccupied with sticking the tip inside him, watching as his rim tried its best to accommodate the toy.

How it stretched and gaped around it, you had to bite back a perverted smile. “It’s only one size bigger than what you normally take, so I think it will be alright?” That was your response to his worry, and he looked like he was in disbelief now. Are you kidding him, what do you mean one size bigger, it doesn’t look like only one size! “Do you not want to try?” You questioned him, this time you sounded a little sad as if you were really looking forward to this.

But you didn’t tell him of course, you didn’t want to influence his opinion. “I—“ he had to think about it because he was actually a little terrified at the idea of something this big going inside him, then he remembered your disappointed tone. After some hesitation, he gulped, before answering, “…only if- if you do it slowly.” Your eyes immediately sparkled, regaining their previous glimmer. “I’ll be careful with you.” You promised him as you pushed the dildo further inside him.

“Mhmm..! Ha-hhNgn…” To his surprise, or as expected, the more the silicon dick entered him, the louder did his moans become. Actually, this felt good, this felt really nice. Heck, who was he kidding, he could barely bite back his groans of pleasure. His face twisted into one a pleasure ridden one, the blush across his features only continued to grow. Those pretty hands were clutching his own legs desperately, almost to the point of leaving bruises.

You stopped him right before that could happen, cooing into his ear and clasping your hand over his, “don’t hurt yourself, baby.” Sweat was forming on his forehead and a deep blush covered his cheeks now. Why was your voice so hot..? His black eyes were all teary and half-lidded, some strains of hair were stuck to his skin. Even if all this was very pleasurable, the toy was still so thick, he swore he never got stretched to this extent.

Once again Choso had to muffle a whimper threatening to spill, he could feel his spongy walls clenching around the dildo. “Y/n, are we do-done yet?” He asked, thighs already shaking as if his body got a mind on its own. Just how long was this thing, it kept going deeper and deeper inside him with no hints of stopping. “Almost there, you are doing so great Choso, you can do it.” You chuckled into his ear, watching his eyes flick with lust.

After whispering some words of encouragement, you started kissing the back of his neck, sending shivers down his spine. Those wild kisses soon turned into feverish bites and sucks, marking his neck and shoulders up in hickeys. Your other hand was giving him tummy rubs as a way to calm him down, but somehow it made him more frustrated.

Couldn’t you just touch his dick? It was practically begging for some action. “GnHhh- ah.. fu-fuck..” He cursed when he felt the silicon toy hit places he didn’t even know existed, it was so deep inside him that it almost hurt. It was also rubbing against everything, every friction caused him to whine so damn lewd. Poor baby was practically begging that it would bottom out soon.

When you finally fit it all inside, you couldn’t hide your own arousal and praised him, “it’s all in now, you did so well dear, so good for me.” This surprised Choso as well, so he actually did it without splitting into two halves, he managed to take that huge thing inside him. “Hmm, it’s.. so.. so deep.” He eventually gasped out, eyes rolling back as he tried to get used to this feeling, the sensation of being filled to the brim.

Somehow he could feel his body shaking around it, pulsating even. The tip of that thing was pressing against something it shouldn’t, enough to trigger his natural instinct to close his legs. To his disadvantage, he couldn’t do that, because you especially ordered for him to keep his legs spread. Tears were rolling down his cherry-red face, and his silky locks stuck to his skin due to the sweat.

At this point his dick was all red and swollen, leaking uncontrollably. His precum dripped all the way down to his hole, dirtying everything on its path and making it look like he got wet for you. “So adorable…” you mumbled again, biting his ear while you were at it. “Ah.. it stings…” He gasped out, probably not even aware of the fact that he just voiced out his thoughts. “What does? Me biting you, or the toy ravaging your insides?” You commented, you really couldn’t just leave him alone huh.

Soon after, you started moving the makeshift dick in and out of him, causing him to become a twitchy something. His dick wriggled back and forth, hitting his lower abdomen often enough to create a few sticky strings connecting his belly to his tip. None of those details escaped your sharp gaze, every lewd part of his body has been mesmerized by you. That’s how you noticed a slight bulge on his tummy. At first, you thought you were seeing things, but then it turns out you weren’t just hallucinating.

Whenever you pulled the toy out, the bulge seemed to disappear, he would also inhale sharply. And when you pushed it in the bulge returned, followed by a high-pitched groan from the male. You were captivated by his shameful state, head thrown back as all kinds of noises left that cute mouth of his. He was also arching his back off from your chest, before slumping down and leaning against you again.

Then he suddenly cried out, sobbing while he whimpered some more. The cause was your mean remarks, man, don’t you know he’s very sensibel and emotional when doing it? His mind was preoccupied with the question you gave him moments before. He couldn’t answer that, he didn’t want to open his mouth, otherwise, all kinds of sinful sounds would slip from his throat. At the same time he wanted to please you.

Positively surprised. That was the best way to describe how you felt in that moment. Heck, before seeing it with your own two eyes, you didn’t even believe something like that was possible. Choso noticed you were staring at his belly for an unusually long time, so naturally, he also looked in that direction. Yet, he didn’t notice anything, only your hand feeling him up as if you were looking for something. “Is so-ughh, something wrong?”

Hearing his voice made you snap back to reality, then you grinned at him, “don’t worry, everything’s fine. Just… look here.” You explained and rubbed the bulge with your fingertips. “Mhm..! What?” The boy looked a little confused, to which you said, “Don’t you see this?” When you noticed he didn’t understand what you meant, you trusted the dildo as deep inside him as you could. “AaHhnNGH..! y-y/n!!” He moaned out loud, before yelling your name with a slightly frustrated tone.

“Do you see it now?” You looked at him with an expectant gaze, hoping he would catch on to what you were implying. “I-I.. hNhn!!” Even though he didn’t know exactly what you were getting at, he knew there must be something with his tummy. Because whenever you rubbed that one specific spot, he could feel himself clench around the silicon toy harder. “I re-really don’t know.. hngh te-tell me, please.” He pleaded, which caught you off guard.

You didn't expect him to start begging so soon, and over something this trivial too. “Well, you see..” Since he wanted to know so badly, you’ll gladly explain it to him. Hands gripping the toy tighter as you moved it out of him, watching with enthusiasm as the small bulge vanished. “Whenever I push this right back inside you-..” The moans of the male interrupted your explanation, “ha-haa.. uHHnmm,!!” Yet you didn’t let it stop you, ignoring it as you continued with, “…a bulge starts to form right here, see?”

Once again you pressed the tip of the dildo against his deepest spots, making a mess out of him. Oh, how blissful this sensation was, he didn’t want this to stop. Hold up, wait for a second. Did he just hear that right? A bulge..? His once half-lidded eyes were ripped completely open, fixated on his belly just like yours. “A bu-bulge??” Poor baby stumbled over his own words, on one hand, due to overstimulation, on the other because he was so shocked. Was that thing really so deep inside him that it created a bulge there?

“Right here darling, look.” You whispered and rubbed circles around that spot, and you were right, he sees it now. Suddenly waves of pleasure washed over him, taking him by storm. It only intensified when you kept pressing against it, saying things like, “can you feel the dick on the other side? I can feel something hard beneath this.” How was he supposed to know? All he knew was that he was on the verge of breaking, or that the dick was ridiculously deep inside him!

More tears decorated his pretty face, while one moan after another escaped him. “It-it’s scary.. mHmm, nghh, but it feels good, ahh..” It was as if you were hypnotized by that discovery, you only had eyes for that adorable little bulge now. In the beginning, you thrusted the dildo slowly but far inside him, with time, you got sloppier yet faster, pounding his puffy hole with it as if he was a flashlight. And he enjoyed every second.

His squishy walls tightened around it whenever you’d mention how cute he was, and how much you loved him. But it’s tremble and curl when your palm rubbed his tummy, specifically his belly bulge. Due to how fascinated you were, and how much force you used to rut that thing into him, he was almost sure you were fucking his stomach. His womb ♡

Don’t get him wrong, he didn’t mind it one bit, on the contrary, he adored it. You were showering him with so much praise again, he could literally cum just from your words. “Y/n.. pleaseee, so mhHgnn, ngHhn!!” Choso cried out, tears rolling down his pale complexion, decorating his already handsome face.

He really wanted to touch his cock, to wrap his hands around his shaft. It’s been denied of any attention and love all this time, due to you only focusing on the new toy you’ve found. The man didn’t mind it one bit, his body was yours to use and if you deem that part uninteresting then so be it. Since you didn’t give him permission to touch himself, he won’t, simple as that. What a good boy he was, right? Please praise him~

“Ah-hNnn, MHMM! y/Nn!! i ca-can’t ♡…” In the end, he could feel himself getting closer to the finish line; he reached his limit. If you saw his face right now you would be met with a melting expression from him, how lucky that you were located behind him. He’s been fucked stupid at this point, brain turning into mush and rid of any thoughts.

You were so cruel, hitting the toy against his now absurd and used prostate like this without giving him a break. Damn it, and you were still fucking his womb without ceasing your pace. There wasn’t a single coherent thing in that skull of his, all he could think of was you and the pleasure you brought upon him. Never has he ever felt such ecstasy, it as if this was something forbidden which was only reserved for the gods.

His legs trembled like crazy, chest heaving with each breath, and beautiful moans slipping from his rosy lips. Multiple scratch marks were on his shin, all due to him gripping them with too much strength. That exhausted body of his was rid of any energy, all he could do was slump against you while begging meekly, “Please, plea-hic…” he turned his head around so that he was rubbing his cheeks against the nook of your neck, sobbing into your shoulder while wearing such an erotic expression.

Soon, that spot was wet with tears. There was nothing he desired more than you right now, all of your touches, everything you had to give. He wanted- needed all of it. “Hah.. go on, cum for me baby. Show me how much you enjoyed this.” You were just as excited as he was, every single one of his actions was so amusing and loveable it made you fall for him even more. Especially when he hid his face against your chest as if to crawl away from the pleasure that was eating him from the inside.

It took your everything to not just devour him right now. Your affection for him grew with each passing second, filling you up with lust and warmth. “hnGnN!! Oohhh… I’m close- I’m cum-cumming..!!” With much efforts, the black haired man managed to gasp out a warning. Even then he kept stuttering and stumbling over his words. Sadly, he couldn’t hold it in any longer. Please believe him, he tried his best to warn you! But it was too sudden, he didn’t have time to wait until you gave him permission..!

Thick, white ropes of cum shoot out of his dick, it was everywhere. On his thighs, lower body, and the mattress. Some of it got onto the dildo as well. At the same time, a loud, final moan escaped his throat, followed by many pants and gasps. “Cu-cuuminghnnn!!! NhgHNMNNN!!… ha-hahh, ha-hgnnh..♡♡♥︎” Choso kept breathing raggedly, still riding out his high. Your shoulder was all damp now due to his tears, nothing new. You didn’t care the slightest bit about something this trivial anyway.

After you were sure he calmed down a little, you pulled the toy out of him. No matter how much you wanted to keep going, your lovely partner seemed too out of it to continue. And his comfort was still over your own desires. You kissed his forehead and wiped his tears with your sleeves, then you hugged him tightly, not caring about getting your clothes dirty with his cum. “You did so well my love, I’m so happy and so proud of you!”

In response to your affectionate touches, he flinched and twitched, due to his body being overly sensitive now. He even came untouched, how embarrassing. You say how his body language was avoidant. He was always like this when reality finally crashes down on him and reminds him of how humiliating all those acts were. Which is why you praised him once again, repeating your previous statements. That was all he needed to hear, to know that you liked it just as much as he did.

“Mhm..” The male nodded ever so slightly, barely even having enough strength to stay awake. Though he did notice you smiling at him, so he tried his best to give you a smile too. “Come on, I’ll help you get to the bathroom.” You chuckled as you helped him stand up, letting him use your shoulder as stabilisation. While the two of you clumsily slenderer towards the bathroom, you mumbled under your breath, “Seems like I got to shower with you in the end anyway.”

Tags: @thisisnotangel @ghostgoosygoose @i-dont-fooken-know @chuuya-brainrot @allyfoxglove @thigh-o-saur @fallenthemisticalyingyang @fem-dom-roze

Nini!rant 2.0:

Sex toys, especially dildos are very popular. I mean, what other ways do we have to fuck someone when we don’t have a dick? Just kidding. Back to business.

In fiction there are no infections and HIV or STI or aids etc. but sadly that exists in real life :[

Avoid it by using a condom over the toys, even the small little bullet vibrators! Don’t be lazy and wash them after each use, even if you used a condom, you can never be safe enough. Do it with warm water and soap - since bacteria’s doesn’t like heat and soap kills bacteria’s. Most of the time each toy comes with an advise or instruction on how to wash it/ use it, so please do read it, these aren’t just for show.

There are sex toys that are made out of materials that absorb germs, and these germs can Ofc lead to infections. Some materials that fall under these categories are rubbery plastics aka. Silicone blends, jelly rubber, PVC, vinyl, TPR, TPE, elastomer… (got that list from Google, there are definitely more) so be careful what you are purchasing!! You can use these kinds of toys, just use a condom. Oh, btw, silicon lube can react with silicon dildos, so use a condom (again) or buy water-based lube. That one is way safer, it works with every material.

Don’t share sex toys with other people, these things have to belong to one individual only. A dildo that has been used in the anus also shouldn’t enter a vagina without washing/ changing condom since it can lead to illnesses. But this is common knowledge sorry for boring you guys.

We just talked about anal sex, so let’s go a little more into detail. Make sure you use a lot of lube if you are opting for anal. Unlike omegaverse it doesn’t get wet with slick or whatever. That means it’s dry as fuck, don’t be petty with the lube. Otherwise it will be painful, uncomfortable and unsafe, it’s not a stretch that the butt could tear.

And i’d always advise using a condom because sexual infections are almost always caused due to germs coming into contact with blood. Even if you can’t actually see the blood and where really gentle while practicing anal, there are often micro cuts and wounds inside the anus that one wouldn’t be able to notice from the outside. Just a small wound like that is enough to get infected. Oh and use an enigma, though everyone alr knows that :>

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pit-and-the-pen · 4 months ago

Text

Don't Go

For day three of @acotar-omegaverse-week :All tied up

Summary: Azriel helps you with your heat….maybe more than you expected.

Warnings: smut (18+), alpha/omega dynamics, mating, knots, p in v sex, slightly rough, slight breeding kink, biting, cum eating

WC: 3.4k

divider by the lovely @tsunami-of-tears

18+ below the cut

You don’t know how you had lost track of the days. You normally kept a perfect record of your cycles, in a house full of alpha’s it was necessary to avoid any awkward situations. But here you were in the middle of a walk with Azriel when you felt that thin layer of sweat bead across your forehead. The way your skin suddenly felt too tight on your body let you know it had nothing to do with the summer sun and everything to do with the fact you had miscounted by a week.

“Azriel.” You tried to whisper, pulling on the back of his shirt. He turned around and his eyes instantly went to your face, where you could feel the sweat starting to collect. “I need to go home. Now.” His eyes dilated as he caught your scent. The full wave of your heat washes over him as he faces you. He quickly nodded at you before pulling you tight against his chest and winnowing you both back to the river house.

You were clinging to him so tightly that he had to pry your hands off of him to get you to lay down in your nest. Being very careful not to accidentally step in it.

“Do you remember what we talked about last time?”

His words floated through the air. You tried your best to remember what he was talking about.

“Do you still want my shadows here?” He saved you the energy of having to remember. Now you want to sink into the ground. YOu had asked him at the end of your last heat if you could borrow his shadows. After Nesta had found you basically pawing at Azriel’s door during your last heat, you had the idea of them being around to keep you in check. A guard that wouldn’t be affected by an omega in heat.

You nodded. Mortification quickly overrides the pain.

“I need you to say it, my sweet omega.” And those words coming off of his tongue sent a hard cramp through you. Your core clenching around nothing.

“Yes. Please.” You were forcing yourself to stay seated on the ground, to wrap a blanket tighter around yourself to keep from jumping Azriel. Those two words, my omega, had every part of your brain buzzing. But you were early enough in your heat to remind yourself that Azriel didn’t want you that way. His face when he had found your scent in the hallway last time was more than enough confirmation.

“Alright. I’ll have the maids bring you some food and water. Okay?” He got up to walk out of your room, some of his shadows staying behind, already curling up around your body as you closed your eyes and tried to get the last little bit of lucid sleep you could get.

----

Every second was torture. His shadows wrapped around your feet keeping you rooted in place when all you wanted was the male across the house. His shadows smelled like him and it did nothing to soothe your raging omega instincts. It’s not like you haven’t thought of Azriel like that before. That forest, smokey and downright mouthwatering smell that lingered on your skin for days after you would hug him.

The shadows at least let you have your hands. Which were doing absolutely nothing to help the cramps wracking through your body. You currently have two fingers buried inside of yourself. Slick coated your thighs and the blankets underneath you, but it still wasn’t enough. YOu tried your best to muffle your moans and cries of Azriel’s name. A small part of you was ashamed for even thinking of him but it was impossible to think clearly with the black wisps curled around your ankles and torso. The weight felt wrong. Your body is crying out for a different weight, a warmer weight that wouldn’t be coming. Neither would you apparently. No matter how hard or fast you fucked yourself on your fingers, it still isn’t enough. Fuck it. You were about to crawl out of your nest and beg Azriel to help but the shadows wouldn’t let you move. Tears leaked out of your eyes as you struggled against them.

Just when you were about to give up, you felt one of the shadows brush across your wrist. Settling around your skin in a way that pressed your hand further inside of yourself. Then the pressure was gone, letting your hand slip back out. It happened two more times before you realized what was happening. His shadows were helping you. And it worked for a little. That peak became a little bit closer to your grasp but it slipped away again. Your body all but screaming for Azriel. Having his shadows wasn’t a replacement for the real thing.

You were writhing in pain less than an hour later. The shadows had let up enough to let you pad off to the bathroom, helping you draw the coldest bath the house would allow for. Again, it helped only for a moment before the water felt too heavy on your skin. You tried to get out, body feeling so weak that you just slumped back down into the half filled tub. Your arms were shaking with how badly your whole body was hurting. You could only pull your knees tight against your chest as sobs started to slip from your mouth. You rubbed at the gland on the side of your neck, itchy and tight. If you had any more energy you would have been shocked with how raised the skin was. But you could only sob harder as you scratched at your mating gland.

A heat had never hurt this badly before. You had been alive for half a century, this was far from your first time alone. You couldn’t place just what exactly was different this time but something was. A small knock from your door had you flinching.

“Sweetheart. It’s me.” Azriel’s voice called from the other side of the door. Your body almost buzzed in excitement before horror washed over you. His voice was tight. Signaling that he didn’t want to be here. Why was he here? It was then that you noted none of the familiar shadows were in the room. They must have gone to get him when you failed to get out of the tub. Something that had a small part of you preening. Alpha’ here to take care of us. That small voice in your head purred. But he wasn’t your alpha. Wanted nothing to do with you in that way. Another sob slipped past your lips that had him knocking on the door again. You didn’t answer. More content with sitting in the tub then having to face him. Another moment went by and you heard the door click open.

The smell from his shadows had been bad but him standing in the doorway was a new level of hell. You tried to scramble to the other side of the giant tub, desperate to put any space between the two of you.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m just going to help you get out. Is that okay?” He paused, hands outstretched towards you. You ran your eyes up and down his tall frame and tried to remember how to speak. You could only nod, not trusting your voice. Azriel picked up a towel that was on the ground and approached the tub. When he picked you up, he made sure that none of your skin touched. He was so repulsed by you that he didn’t even glance at your nakedness. You knew he didn’t feel that way about you but it hurt something inside of you to see him not even react. He was an alpha, he should at least have a little reaction to an omega in heat. Regardless of how he felt about you.

You tried to blink back the tears but you were in too much pain to stop them. You just wanted to sleep. Just wanted to be wrapped in his arms. You felt the slight fan of air from his wings as they flapped anxiously behind him. He deposited you back into your nest, carefully wrapping the towel around you to keep you covered. You expected him to run out of the room after but he was lingering at the edge of your bed. Watching as you buried yourself into the blankets.

“You don’t have to stay. Az. I know you don’t want to be here.” You sniffled, instantly kicking yourself for how pathetic you sounded. His wings twitched again.

“What do you mean, princess?”

“I know you don’t want to be here right now. So just go. Thank you for helping me”

He froze. And for the first time you looked at him. His eyebrows pulled together, making his forehead wrinkle slightly. His cheeks were slightly flushed and you continued looking down. You sucked in a breath as you realized he was rock hard. You couldn’t force your eyes to look away. Not even as he spoke.

“I thought you didn’t want me.” His words were tight. “Until my shadows started telling me every detail. Reporting back to me how sweetly you were calling my name. They were telling me how good you smelled, how wet you were for me.” His voice dropped an octave and it had your skin flushing. You didn’t have a response.

“Do you want me to help you, omega?” You had to be dreaming. You must have fallen asleep or maybe you hit your head while you were trying to get out of the tub and this was a hallucination. Either way, you knew it couldn’t be real. Azriel wasn’t here in your room, inches from your nest offering to help you with your heat.

“Omega?” The word was sharper this time and had you answering before you could think.

“Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes I want you to help me, alpha.” And he was all over you then. His lips caught yours and you could have sobbed in relief. His hands chased away the scorching heat that trailed over your skin. But did nothing to help the emptiness you felt between your legs. He nipped at your bottom lip, teeth digging in in a way that had your back arching off of the bed. His scarred hands snaked up to rest on your breast. A hand going up to squeeze your nipple. You moaned his name and he pulled away from you, panting.

“I’m going to ask you one more time. Do you want me? Saw the word and I’ll walk away.”

A twinge of panic rushed through you at the idea of him leaving. So you didn't answer, only reached out for the collar of his shirt and pulled him back to you. You flipped him onto his back and crawled into his lap.

“Yes. Yes. I’ve wanted this for so long.” You were trailing kisses over his collarbone. You started undoing the buttons on his shirt, kissing each inch of newly exposed skin until he was pulling the shirt off the rest of the way. He lifted you with one hand as you helped him slide off his pants. Not caring where they ended up as you saw his cock smack against his abs. Your mouth watered at the sight, slick dripping down your leg. He was perfect. Thick and long, a slight curve. And at the base you could already see the thicker red skin of his knot.

You didn’t waste any time before you took him in your hand, lifting your hips up to guide him to your entrance.

“Need to stretch you out first.” He gritted, a hand on your hip stilling your motion.

“No. Need you now. Want your knot, alpha.” You whined, your free hand trying to bat the hand on your hip away. You didn’t understand why he wasn’t letting you sink down. You felt so empty. So close to what you wanted and he wasn’t going to let you have it.

“I’m yours.” He said as he locked eyes with you. His hand didn’t leave but the force behind it was gone. Letting you, finally, fill yourself up with him. Your brain had stopped working. All thoughts are gone from your mind except for how perfect he felt inside of you. You chased away the last of the cramps as you started to ride him. Rocking your hips back and forth against him. A string of curses and garbled versions of his name left your lips as he tangled a hand into your hair, pulling your head back. His tongue lightly swiped over your scent gland and you exploded around him. Your orgasm leaves you seeing stars. That didn’t stop either of you. In one motion he had you pushed onto your hands and knees. The impact cushioned by the plush blankets underneath you. His thrusts were ruthless. The room filled with the sound of your bodies colliding with each other. Slick was still leaking down your leg as he wrapped your hair around his hand, pulling your back against his chest. His free hand trailed between your legs, rubbing circles on your clit until you were bucking into him. His lips were all over your neck until they landed near your ear.

“Look at how perfectly you take my cock. Think of how good you’ll take my knot.” You whined and he nipped at your earlobe. “Do you like the idea of that? Me filling you up until you're round with my kids?”

“Yes. Fuck. Wanna be full of you alpha.” You screamed for him. You could already feel your second orgasm rushing toward you, having no moment to come down. You could feel the edges of his knot started to catch on each thrust. You were about to beg for more, for him to fuck you harder, but a sharp feeling on your neck had you freezing in place. Not the right side of your neck, not the one that would bind you two together. Not the side you wanted him to bite.

“Mark me, alpha. Want you. Bite me. Please. Az. Please.” You babbled. Tears streaming down your face again, but this time because you wanted him so badly. He was right there but it wasn’t enough. You wanted him permanently. Wanted your scents to fill the room, wrapped together.

“Want me to mark this pretty neck, sweet omega?” You shook your head, crying out your pleas. He growled, the sound rattling your body.

“Fuck. Just a little longer. Gonna cum with me?” You would have done anything he said at this moment. His knot almost locking you in place now. He was close and you could only moan and whimper as you felt it stretching you with every thrust. A few more well timed pushes of his hips and you fell apart. Right at the same time you felt him filling you up. The same moment you felt his teeth latch into the right side of your neck. Your vision blurred as tears sprung in your eyes again. The feeling so perfect that you barreled straight into your third orgasm. His mouth was clamped onto your shoulder, tongue soothing the bleeding skin. He rocked his hips back and forth as much as the knot would allow. You swore you could feel him pushing his cum further into you.

You reached back and pulled Azriel off of your neck, joining your lips. You could taste your blood on his lips but you didn’t care. Didn’t care about anything else as you pulled him closer to you, tried to turn your body towards him as much as your current position would allow for.

The tow of you stayed like that until his knot went down. Until he was pulling out of you. You felt his cum drip down your leg and whimpered at the feeling of losing it.

Azriel only kissed your forehead, kissed down the path the tears had left on your face. He kept kissing down past your collarbone, your chest, until strong hands were pushing you to lay down for him. He placed sucking kisses to your plush thighs, down your legs and back up. This time his tongue collecting the trails of slick that coated your thighs. All the way until he got to your dripping cunt. You were about to say something to him, about to plead for him to hurry up when he licked a long stripe through your folds. Your hands shot to the back of his head as his tongue darted into your opening. Pushing his cum back into you.

“Alpha.” You cried out. Eyes screwed closed as you felt wave after wave of pleasure coarse through you. There was something else there, some new edge of desire that had you reeling. You could feel his own heightened emotions. Arousal leaked off of him as he reached down to stroke his cock. He moaned into your folds, making your back arch off of the bed as you started to ride his face. He took every thrust perfectly. Not missing a beat as you used him to get off. Loud noises of your slick filling the room as you ate you out like a man starved. It was eventually too much, you were teetering from the edge again and knew it wouldn’t be enough. You needed him inside you again.

You pulled him off of you, a motion that had him growling until you parted your legs for him. It took him no time at all to cage you in, arms on either side of your head. You wrapped your hand around his leaking cock and guided him to your entrance. He pushed in so slowly you were a writhing mess underneath him as he sheathed himself full inside of you. HIs own moans matching yours as he threw his head back. Eyes squeezed closed as he started to move again. You went to wrap your legs around his waist before he stopped you, wrapping a hand around your knee to push it up against your chest. You didn;t think it was possible for him to go deeper but as he threw your foot over your shoulder you swore your vision blacked out at the pleasure. You couldn’t move. Only take everything he gave you. Each punished thrust of his hips against yours and you mewling against him. He took his time, long strong thrusts that had you clenching around him. Your nails clawed at his back, searching for any purchase against the torturous pace he set.

“Good omega. Being so good for me. Can you take my knot again?”

Your voice was long gone, hoarse from the screams and cries of pleasure so you could only nod, could only dig your nails into him harder to show him your agreement. He grabbed your other knee and pressed it against your chest, pulling you into a mating press that had you gasping for breath around the pleasure. You didn’t think you could cum again, but Azriel’s long strokes had you writhing underneath him. Begging for more.

“Gonna fill you up again.” He growled in your ear. And then his knot caught again. The feeling pulling shudders from your body. A soft cry escaped your mouth as you came again. Not as hard as the first times but enough that it felt you panting underneath him. Clawing at his hair to bring his lips to yours again.

Once both of you had calmed down a touch, he rolled the two of you over so you were on your side, legs tucked in behind yours perfectly. A part of you preened at the way he fit so well behind you, the way the two of you seemed to fit together. LIke you were made for each other.

“I think we very well are.” He said into your ear, so close that his breath on your neck made you shudder. You didn’t think you had said the words out loud but all questions left your mind as he starting trailing kisses on the back of your neck, along the angry red skin of your newly marked mating gland. And that little press of his tongue, the way your scents filled the room. Not two scents anymore but one perfectly blended thing. It was that fact that had you drifting off to sleep in his arms. Heat perfectly quelled for the time being.

tag list: @ninthcircleofprythian @nocasdatsgay @sarawritestories @readychilledwine @milswrites @daycourtofficial @tsunami-of-tears

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astrow1zar6 · 11 months ago

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Astro Observations-014

If you wanna date someone who’s basically impossible to get to know date a Scorpio moon. I find they really don’t trust anyone. Not even close friends that have known them for years. Any sign of betrayal even if it’s small will cause this sign to never tell you certain things again. You guys need to realize not everyone is trying to hurt you.

A lot of Scorpio Venus’s/mars grew up seeing a lot of jealousy & manipulation from relationship’s (mostly from family) they normally pick up from this and carries it to their relationships.

Libra placements will flirt with people they have no interest in for attention. They break a lot of hearts. They act like they aren’t aware they do it but they definitely are. Y’all can’t mess with ppls feeling like that 😕

Aquarius sun women are either really popular and social or really outcasted and antisocial

Aquarius moons can be really mean when people become too emotional around them. I believe tho ironically this is the most emotional Aquarius placement. They hate dealing with others emotions because their emotions are so deep themselves that dealing with other’s problems can become too overwhelming.

Pisces risings are so secretive about their romantic relationships (Libra in 8th house) most people never know who they’re dating or talking too. They prefer a private love life.

Aquarius Venus’s are fashion icons. They can make some of the weirdest pieces look so expensive

Sagittarius and Geminis are the most compatible pair of opposites imo. I’ve seen these signs stay together for soooo long

Leo moons have the least confidence out of all the leo placements I noticed. They are really sensitive and the smallest ounce of disapproval can break these people. Be gentle with them plz🥺

Virgo suns all look so clean, they also smell like heaven too (ESPECIALLY with a Leo Venus) they all give princess vibes.

People with a 12th house taurus value stability sooo much but can never seem to settle their restless nature. This is one of their biggest challenges (cuz of their Gemini rising)

Whatever element you lack in your chart you’re more likely to find people that have that element. Ex: if you lack water placements, you’ll be more attracted to water dominants because they give you what you lack in a way.

Capricorn risings usually hate their smiles, even if there’s nothing wrong with it. A lot feel like their smile ruins their face.

When you have a lot of 12th house placements people normally make assumptions about you that aren’t even close to who you actually are.

Pisces men are the most confusing in a relationship you never know if they actually like you or not. They are so charming and lovey but deep down it feels kinda fake?

Taurus mars work the best when they are working with their hands or they’re working in nature

Virgo mercury’s are amazing writers and usually love reading. Many can be successful novelists.

I feel like the least compatible compatible signs are Taurus and Virgo. I’ve seen the spark die so quick in these relationships and they normally stay together because it “works” practically. But I notice they get more irritated with each-other as time goes.

I notice men that have a lot of kids from different women have a Jupiter in their 5th house. Or just a lot of 5th house placements.

Venus in 5th housers tend to have more girls than boys. Their first child was probably a girl. Also indicates very attractive children.

#astro observations #astrologist #astrology #astro community #astro notes #astroblr

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swordsandholly · 7 months ago

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Across the Way

Ch.3: The New Normal

Retired!Ghoap x Fem!Plus Size!Reader

MDNI

Ao3 | Previous - Next

Word Count: 3.3k

Summary: You go to Scotland with high hopes for your future. After all, you have the bakery you always dreamed of and a whole new life to live. Plus, the men who own the butcher’s shop across the street seem nice.

Sometimes Simon still feels like he’s in a dream. The world around him seems effervescent - so ready to slip through his fingers at a moments notice. He expects to pass through Johnny, as though the man was never there, that this house and home and world will crumble and he’ll wake to that grey, cracked ceiling above his bunk in the basic training barracks again.

But then Johnny grumbles something under his breath - because the man cannot shut up, even in deep REM - and turns over, hand resting on Simon’s chest. Even in his sleep the Scot knows how to ground him like nothing else. Like a sixth sense.

He can see discomfort in his husband’s furrowed brow. The hand on his chest twitches.

Ah. He’s going to wake up to a bad day.

Simon figures he won’t be going back to sleep anytime soon, so he may as well prepare. Even he isn’t sure exactly how he knows what will be in store when Johnny opens his eyes but he knows. Every twinge and wince expertly memorized with the same precision that made him do so well in the SAS.

Speaking of, Simon checks his phone while he lines up Johnny’s pain medication. Today’s his call with Price. A monthly reoccurrence. Every third Thursday. The old man and his control issues could never let him or Johnny fully go - he insisted to keep in touch. Even if it is just a monthly call. Simon knows the real reason - that Price was worried about how two gung-ho soldiers would settle into civilian life but the man would never admit to such sentiment.

Johnny stirs, a low groan passing his lips as he tries to hoist himself up. Simon presses his hand to his husband’s back, stilling him with a gentle touch.

“Lay back. Let me ‘elp you up.” He murmurs, rearranging the pillows slowly before wrapping an arm around Johnny’s waist to pull him into a sitting position.

Johnny presses his forehead into his palm, screwing his eyes shut. A small whimper escapes his throat - the sound breaks Simon’s heart every time.

“Rate it.”

Johnny sighs, thinking for a moment. Taking stock of it all. “…Three…?”

“Love.” Simon levels a look at Johnny. One he knows will get the man cut the bullshit.

“…five.”

“Thank you.” Simon nods, turning on his heel to get the proper medication. It’s a particularly bad day, if Johnny is willing to admit to anything above a two or three. For anyone else that’s a seven easy. Stubborn bastard. Simon opens the cabinet to grab the stronger stuff - their on hand back up.

Johnny tries to take it sparingly. He doesn’t want to grow too much of a tolerance - doesn't want to get addicted. Simon isn’t too worried about that, but Johnny insists.

“‘Ere.” Simon holds out two little pills and a cup of water. “Need ‘elp takin’ it?”

Johnny grimaces but nods. Simon’s gut churns with worry. It’s rare for the man to put aside his pride. To allow Simon to carefully tip his head back, cradling it with tender care as Johnny slowly sips at the glass.

“Thanks…” He seems almost bashful despite this being easily the least compromising position Simon has seen Johnny in.

“We’ll take it easy today. Get some take out...” Simon mumbles, reaching under the bed for the heated blanket. On the worst days Johnny’s circulation in his limbs seems to nearly freeze up. How that happens because of a brain injury the doctors have never been able to say.

“Simon?” Johnny murmurs.

“Hm?”

“Kiss me?”

Simon barks out a laugh. The way he still blushes when he asks after all these years is too cute for words. Johnny can say the most salacious shit with a perfectly straight face and then when he asks for such a simple touch he’s flustered like a schoolgirl.

Of course, Simon would never deny him. It’s impossible to say no to those big baby blues.

“I’m going to let Riley out into the yard. Want t’ take a bath when I get back?” Simon offers as he pulls back, running a thumb over Johnny’s lip and hoping the medication will have kicked in by then.

”Tryin’ tae get my clothes off, Mr. Riley?”

Simon rolls his eyes. “I wouldn’t ‘ave to scheme t’do that.”

Johnny clicks his tongue. “I’m no’ tha’ easy.”

“Tell that to the maintenance closet in Hereford.”

“Yer no better.” Johnny grins. “Brazil?”

“Shut it.” He makes a playful cutting motion by his neck. Johnny just laughs at him. Simon wishes, like every time before, that he could have the sound carved into his very marrow.

He clicks his tongue and Riley follows dutifully. They got her an automatic feeder long ago so she’s already had her breakfast. Really it was a necessity - back when Johnny was in too much pain the majority of the time for Simon to step away too long. She’s been so patient with them. She runs around the yard excitedly while he throws the ball a few times to get her energy out. Some outside time will tie her over until he can take her for a proper walk.

The weather’s nice today. Johnny will be disappointed he missed out on so much sun.

Simon turns on his heel to go up and get the water started. They installed an extra large tub not long after moving in. Baths together were a small luxury back in the day - cramming both of themselves into shitty hotel tubs and the base housing showers. They never quite fit - usually Simon’s leg would end up hooked over the side of the bath. Or Johnny’s. Working the man open and loose after a long, hard mission-

He stops that thought I’m it’s tracks. That’s not the line of thinking for today.

Simon settles Johnny in first thing. He’s lighter than he used to be. That extra layer of muscle worn down and away over all that time in hospital and in physical therapy. That scared Simon, at first. The idea that Johnny had become another fragile thing for him to ruin. Something he could break.

It was a selfish thought.

The water is hotter than Simon would usually like as he climbs in, but it’s based on Johnny’s preference. Plus it relaxes his muscles - the stinging in his nerves from misfires in his brain. The tremble in his hands.

Simon takes it all in, gently dragging his knuckles over Johnny’s perfect cheekbone. The tender motion no longer feels foreign, which is strange in and of itself.

“Comfortable?” He asks.

Johnny hums and nods.

They stay quiet while they sit. Johnny always seems to glow in the morning light. Angelic. If Simon were better with words he’d write poems. He tried a few times, though he’d never admit that out loud.

The closest he got were his vows (still not good enough). Nothing can encapsulate what it is to love John MacTavish.

“I worry.” Johnny sighs, pulling Simon from his thoughts.

“Bout what?” Simon turns toward him, lowering his reading glasses.

“The baker. She’s all alone over there y’know?” Johnny sighs.

Simon hums. His big hearted boy. “Y’should be worried about yourself.”

Johnny scoffs. “I’m fine.”

“Yeah, cause you’re ‘opped up on goofberries.”

“Oh shut the fuck up.” Johnny laughs.

“C’mere.” Simon turns him so that Johnny’s back is against his chest, grabbing one of the extra shampoo bottles to scrub down his hair.

“Thinkin’ about getting’ rid of the mo-hawk…” He murmurs.

“Don’t you dare.” Simon blurts before he realizes, face heating at the admission. Johnny just laughs at him again.

“It’s no’ very dignified. Doesnnae scream grown-man-in-his-thirties.”

“No. But it screams Johnny MacTavish. ‘ow else am I goin’ t’find you in a crowd?”

“Fair point.” Johnny tilts his head back to look up at his husband, grinning. “More hair fer ye tae grab, though. Proper handle.”

Simon huffs. “See, now that’s just playin’ dirty.”

“Simon Jr. likes it.”

“Please stop callin’ it that. It’s been bloody fuckin’ years.”

“Never.”

Simon rolls his eyes. By the end of their exchange the water has started to get cold. He gives himself a very bare minimum scrub down - the perks of having buzzed hair - before climbing out to grab them towels and fresh pajamas.

Before all of this he’d never considered the importance of comfortable clothes. Layer-able. Soft. Breathable. Easy to maneuver in on a bad day when Johnny can hardly walk - though it hasn’t been that bad for a long while. Strange how needs change and fluctuate.

“D’you want to go downstairs or stay up ‘ere?” He asks, patting Johnny dry while he sits on the side of the tub.

“Definitely down.” Johnny nods decisively, wincing at the motion.

“A’right.” Simon scoops the man up bridal style. Back in the day he would’ve thrown Johnny over his shoulder with ease. These days he has to move slower, keeping Johnny steady so as not to jostle his head and irritate his pain. It’s been good, he thinks, to practice gentile touches for the first time in his life.

It’s easy to settle Johnny onto their large, L-shaped couch. To set him up on a throne of blankets and pillows that envelope his frame entirely. They throw on some rom-com as low background noise. It’s not long before he falls asleep, the medication finally fully taking effect and sending him into one of those deep sleeps that will last until his next dose around lunch.

Simon glances over to Johnny’s peacefully sleeping face. Lips parted, quietly snoring.

Might as well get his call done now while the man’s well and truly passed out.

“The prodigal son returns.” Price announces loudly on the other end of the phone.

“Y’talked t’ me last month.” Simon scoffs.

“Ach, well, have t’ give you some shite here an’ there. Gotta tap down that ego.” He sighs. There’s an edge to his voice despite the attempt at a playful tone.

“Y’sound tired, Cap.” Simon settles into the couch, keeping his voice low.

“You’re no better.” The old man grouses. His voice has only gotten grittier over time, though he won’t admit it to be the cigars’ doing “How’s he doin’?”

There’s always a hint of guilt in his voice when he asks. Even four years later, he can’t let it go - can’t forgive the damage done to Johnny. The best of them. None of them could ever blame him for it. There isn’t any blame to be had.

“Alright.” Simon shrugs to no one. “Bad day today but he’s been better on the whole.”

“Good.” Price sighs. There’s a creaking noise - like he’s settling back into an office chair. “You solid?”

Simon huffs out a laugh. “Yeah. Got a new bakery in town. That was enough to have the area properly twitterpated all week.”

“Any good?”

“Actually, yes. Johnny’s taken a shine to the owner.”

“That boy would take a shine to a black hole.”

“Ah, you’d like ‘er. Soft little thing - that’s your whole deal innit?”

Price splutters, Simon laughs. It’s the only thing that can get the Captain off kilter. Throw a live grenade at the man and he’s steady as a rock; mention anything about his love life and he’s no better than a flustered teenager.

There’s a pause.

“Kyle is up for Lieutenant.” Price says.

Simon freezes, swallowing roughly. It’s not that he’s not happy for Gaz - hell the boy deserves it more than anyone - but his thoughts go to Johnny. How he’ll react. He’s been doing so well, these past several months. The news could make him spiral… or he could take it perfectly fine.

It’s a fifty-fifty.

“Yeah, I was worried about how Soap would take it, too.” Price sighs. “Figured I should tell you first.”

“He’ll be fine…He’ll be fine.” The repetition is more to convince himself, really. Simon shakes his head. “Might wait to tell ‘im until ‘e feels better, though.”

“Probably for the best.”

Simon hums.

“How are you doing, Riley?”

“Fine.”

“Y’sure?” Price knows him too well, Simon thinks. Knows how much the military meant to him - how much he needed it.

“I’ve got Johnny.” Simon looks wistfully at his husband, still snoring on the couch in his mass of pillows and blankets. “What else could I ever need?”

Price laughs - loud and full bodied. “You’ve become a sap in your old age, eh?”

“Who’s callin’ who old, here? You’re practically a bloody fossil.”

“Oi, watch it.”

“S’good to talk t’you, Cap.” Simon sighs, sinking further into the couch.

“You too, kid.” Price sighs as well. “I’ve got to go but… do you want me to let you know when Kyle’s ceremony is?”

Simon clicks his tongue. “Yeah. As much as I hate the pomp and circumstance.”

“We all do.”

“Yeah.”

“Take care of each other.” Simon can practically see the way Price is most likely nodding along to the words.

“Always.” Simon nods. He rests his head on the back of the couch, tossing his phone off to the side and staring up at the ceiling.

If he thinks about it too hard - about the SAS and Price and Gaz… that whole life - his chest begins to ache. The military saved him, in many ways. The military gave him his greatest love despite all the fear and strangeness that came with that.

Simon looks over at Johnny’s sleeping form.

He’s worth it.

He’s always been worth it.

Between the three month long coma - the even longer physical therapy - Johnny’s been through hell, to say the least. Truly came back from the dead. What is it, in the grand scheme, for Simon to have to make a career change in order to grasp onto this second chance?

Who knows if he would have even been able to stay in the military if Johnny died. He’d break, surely. He broke the first time Johnny crashed. Fractured upon the second. Died with him on the third.

His therapist says it’s not good for him to romanticize and aggrandize that kind of trauma. She’s probably right but there are worse ways to frame it.

They’re both broken. They’re both healing.

His thoughts drift to you as all things seem to recently. Why do you always seem so sad? Your eyes a far more tired than your age would suggest - the eyes of a woman on her deathbed and ready to go. He’s seen that look too many times in his own reflection not to know it by heart.

He’ll check on you when he goes to the shop tomorrow. For Johnny’s sake.

~~~

“Simon! How are you?” You smile wide. Always smiling. It’s not bright, like Johnny’s, though. There’s a pull at the edges. It doesn’t always reach your eyes.

“Fine.” Simon says more gruffly than he means to.

You swallow nervously. He can tell he makes you uncomfortable. Squirrelly. You don’t shrink away, though. Brave little thing, he thinks. “Uh, Johnny stay home today?”

He nods solemnly. “Migraine started up yesterday.”

“Oh, I hate that.” You frown. So genuine. “I’ve got some extra white bread. Easy on the stomach. I could-“

“That’s kind, but not why I’m ‘ere.” He cuts you off. It’s rude, yeah, but he’s seen the way you can chatter and has a point to get to.

“O-oh?” You squeak.

He steps closer, setting a little sticky note on your counter with two numbers messily scrawled across it, each labeled as his and Johnny’s. Maybe he should’ve gotten Johnny to write it. At least his twos and sevens don’t look alike. “Johnny mentioned you were woozy, when you first met. Said you have a thing.”

You raise an eyebrow, tilting your head. “And?”

It’s defensive. Your shoulders are more square than before, lips slightly pursed and arms crossing over yourself involuntarily. It looks wrong on you, if he’s honest.

“And you don’t seem t’ ‘ave anyone around to look after you.” Simon continues bluntly. “If you need anythin’ you give us a call.”

Your expression morphs into surprise, then bashfulness. He takes it in categorically just like everything else. “Th-that’s really sweet… you don’t have to-“

“It’s only right.” He cuts you off again.

It is. You’re a young woman all alone in a new country with some sort of illness. Something chronic based on Riley’s alert. Simon might be cold but he isn’t heartless - not anymore, at least. Johnny saw to that. Even if he doesn’t know what it is, even if you’re obviously smart and independent, there are too many variables for his or Johnny’s liking.

Simon doesn’t know how to interpret the look you give him. It’s grateful. Soft in the same way as when he gave you that little cut of beef. There’s something else on the edges - not quite desperation. Not quite fear. Something that furrows your brow minutely and has your eyes flicking wildly between his.

You’re afraid of an ulterior motive.

“Take care.” Simon nods once, turning on his heel to leave.

“W-wait-“ He feels a tug on the sleeve of his hoodie. When he turns your eyes are wide, shining. “I… uh…”

“Yes?”

You bite your lip, a consistent habit if the chapped skin is anything to go by. You pull your hand back quickly, pressing it to your chest. “S-sorry, never mind…”

Simon doesn’t press. He never does. Far be it for a man like him to try to force secrets out of someone. So, with another good-bye and a nod, he makes his way out of the shop and starts toward the car to go home. At least, he should.

Instead he stops a little way down the street. Far enough he can still see into your shop without you noticing him. He watches the way you pick up the paper carefully, cradling it in your soft fingers. The way you frown at it, taking a deep breath before pocketing it and disappearing into the back of the shop. He can’t place what compels him to watch you. What keeps pulling them both in.

When he pushes the door open, he expects a quiet house. Dark and silent as Johnny sleeps his pain away upstairs. Instead, he’s greeted with the sounds of pots and pans and Johnny’s voice echoing down the hall - singing along to Celine Dion (though he’d never admit to it if asked).

“Johnny?” Simon turns to corner.

“Och, welcome home!” The Scot shoots him a grin over his shoulder.

“You should be in bed.” Simon kicks off his boots and meanders to the kitchen.

“A man cannae cook fer his husband?”

“Johnny.”

Johnny turns, grinning wide. “I’m fine, Si. Really. Trust me.”

Simon sighs, stepping forward and resting his hands on Johnny’s waist. “I trust you. Y’know that. I just worry.”

“I ken, I ken.” Johnny chuckles, planting a series of kisses across Simon’s face.

Simon sighs, leaning against the kitchen counter while Johnny gets back to cooking. So domestic. Still so strange that this is their normal.

“Kyle is up for Lieutenant.” It comes out in a jumble - more uncertain than Simon is used to.

Johnny pauses, hand flexing around the spatula in his grip. It’s so brief you could almost miss it before going back to sautéing the vegetables in the pan. “Good. He deserves it.”

Simon hums, watching, waiting for a reaction. Eyeing his husband with all the scrutiny he can muster. “Price invited us to the ceremony.”

“Aye.” Johnny nods. “We should go.”

“Are… you alright with that?”

Johnny turns, a slight furrow in his perfect brow. “Why wouldnnae I be?”

Simon searches his face - tries to gather any evidence to the contrary. He finds none. Just a genuine look of confusion at what he said.

Good lad.

“We’ll go, then.”

“Hope there’s an open bar.” Johnny chuckles and turns back to dinner. Normal, casual, comfortable.

They’re both healing.

A/N: I’m not totally in love with how this chapter turned out but I’d rather get it out and get to the next than lose motivation bc I got stuck.

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imrllytootiredforthis · 1 year ago

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yandere felix

summary: basically just sub yandere lixie x dom reader

a/n: i do not condone this sort of behaviour, this is purely for amusement purposes and should not be done in real life nor' should be normalized

There was never a time Felix could remember where he wasn’t in love with you

Ever since you were little with a childlike innocence, clinging to each other's sides and running around in the dirt and mud as little kids do

and your parents would joke about how one day you would get married

From the time where you’d stick out your tongue in disgust at the prospect, claiming that he had cooties and roll your eyes, groaning at your parents for being so weird,

all while he blushed shyly, hiding behind you and agreeing with every word you said

he was absolutely smitten with you in the adorable way children are

and as you grew older the dynamics simply stuck,

he was shy and cute, hanging on for the ride while you surged into your elementary years.

clinging to your side all throughout grade school to the point where your teachers felt like they needed to separate the two of you

not that it made much of a difference if you weren’t in the same class though.

Constantly you were kicked out for sneaking into his class during school hours, sneaking in halfway through class, sitting beside him just outside of the teacher's view until you were inevitably caught with how loud the two of you were laughing

during break time you were off and out of the classroom in a matter of seconds, elated to see each other again after forever apart (in your little kid minds at least)

it never failed to surprise people the 180 Felix's personality did when he was around you.

always a soft-spoken gentle child, not speaking much out of turn but it was undeniable,

He laughed, he smiled, he joked. He seemed to be energized by your very presence

when you weren't together he’d be surrounded by kids who tried to be his friend but they never mattered. They were just a substitute for you until you were reunited

He was your best friend in the entire word

And you were his

god forbid anyone who ever tried to bully or tease him

the few who tried, cornering him in the courtyard, taunting him for hiding behind you all the time got what they deserved

A black eye and a broken bone or two.

While you proudly sported your fair amount of bruising and a suspension from the school for ‘violence’ and 'bullying'

You argued, they didn't listen

"It was their fault though!"

And Felix nodded along,

getting himself suspended the very next day so that he could be with you

neither of your parents were quite happy but they’d long since stopped trying to separate you

It was an impossible task they’d found

you were inseparable

with enough nights finding that one of you would sneak out to meet the other they decided it was just best to allow it and let the two of you come through the front door

instead of Felix breaking his arm trying to scale the house into your open window

Then came high school

hormones got involved and bodily functions changed, feelings got weird and things were different

you began to see things differently. Began to see other people, discovered just how wide world was with so many experiences and people out there;

so many things to do and accomplish, so many things to see and touch and feel

but where you began to see others, when you began to see the world

all Felix ever saw was you

But his feelings weren’t as innocent as before.

They were different.

Looking at you made him feel all tingly and made his heart beat faster.

Your crooked smile made his cheeks burn red and when you grabbed his hand he swore he felt butterflies in his stomach

and to his shame he found that whenever you hugged him or wore his clothes it made certain things a little hard to deal with

it was embarrassing and his little crush only grew and grew over the years

his jealously only burning brighter when he sees you hang out with anyone else

and then, to his horror you started dating.

He knew you never saw him the way he saw you.

Knew that while he looked at you like that, you were looking at someone else the same way

But he though that...

he didn't know what he thought

but to see you date someone else

He was your “best friend”, “Practically my brother!” You’d tell people and he’d smile along, acting as if it didn’t break something inside of him each time that you did

As if he didn’t love you so much it hurts

As if he didn’t think you were-are his soulmate, the most perfect thing on earth-no one else deserves you, no one could ever be enough for you

Not even him.

but he’s willing to die trying

Your ‘Best friend’

That cuts off any other friends he may have when you jokingly tell him that he's not spending enough time with you, isolating himself from the entire world,

your name the only thing in his head as he stares down at your contact waiting for you to message him.

he's at your beck and call, whenever you want, him he's there no matter what.

just the sweetest thing ever, bringing you little gifts that reminded him of you, flowers and candy when you're sad, spending nights cuddled up in your arms because you didn't want to be alone, stars in his eyes as he hangs onto every word that you say.

but it's okay, because it's platonic right?

right?

Just platonic with how he has so many pictures of you, enough to fill an entire album

Just platonic the way he tries to rile you up and get you angry so that he can get videos of you yelling at him, calling him pathetic and dumb in your rage

Platonic with how he uses them to get off in the dark of night when it’s only him the sound of your voice filling his ears

the way he specifically watches porn with people that look like you and listens to those asmrs labelled ‘mommy takes care of baby boy’ or some shit with people that sound like you

Just platonic the way he watches so much of that shit and yet never loses his virginity

He wants to keep that for you

Only for you

Even if you have a 'boyfriend'

Even if that 'boyfriend' is an asshole and doesn't deserve you

It's just not fair that he gets to have you

All Felix wants to be under you, feeling you, hearing you moan and whisper dirty secrets to him

He wants you to corrupt him

Like you do to him.

He’s spent so many nights, ear against the wall as you fuck him right on the other side, touching himself to your words

The desire deep inside of him as his fingers fumbled to undo his pants, revealing an undeniable evidence of arousal—aching and throbbing with pent-up desire

For you

Only for you

Always for you

Trying to moan so quietly to hear every little word, every little pant fallen from your lips

Squeezing his eyes shut, imagining you were talking to him, you were stroking his cock, calling him a dirty slut

“Are you enjoying this you little perv?”

“C’mon, be a good boy and beg for it.”

“You’re such a slut.”

“Doing so good for me, such a good boy~”

Fuck

That’s the side of you he’s oh so in love with

When your tone shifts to a purr, something so irresistible leaking into every word.

Or when it’s a mean growl, disgust dripping from every syllable, venom sounding like the sweetest melody in his ears

He can picture the way that you would lick over your lips like you were about to devour him whole

Picture you standing over him, making him feel so small

He’d reach down and lace his fingers with yours, face bright with a blush, looking up with angel eyes,

ready to do anything, beg for your attention, plead for your affection, get down on his knees for a single touch

the way your hands brush over his cheeks, lingering on his perfect features and his cute little heart shaped freckle

tracing over his pretty lips before pressing your fingers into his mouth, down onto his tongue, listening to the way he’d moan, warbled speech asking for more

because he’s greedy and he’s selfish and he wants it all

wants all of you and wants you to have all of him

and he knows that it would never be enough. That he loves you so much, wants so much of you it would never be enough until he was so close nothing could tell apart the two of you

Until he could crawl into your skin, be safe and warm with you

And it could still never be enough.

But this. It’s enough. For now.

Enough in this stolen moment of indulgence, a euphoric solace imagining himself intertwined with you, hearing your voice and for a fleeting second it’s not through a wall, it’s not to someone else. It’s to him

a brief transient escape from his yearning and desperation for you, a moment where his head goes hazy and he tastes colours and sees sounds and feels you touching him

A moment where he feels like his sanity is slowly cracking apart under everything before reality comes crashing back in waves of guilt and longing.

with his fingers coated in his own cum and your name whispered like a prayer on his pretty lips and his chest aching with the want to be in your arms

When you formally introduce your 'boyfriend' to Felix the first time

he swears he has never felt such hate for another person

A boiling, searing, horrific dislike

The want for this guy to get his hands off your hips and get out of your life.

You were honestly confused at his behaviour

never have you seen your best friend so...angry or mean

scoffing whenever that asshole spoke, rolling his eyes and making pointed but passive aggressive remarks that he tried to play off as jokes

(They were anything but jokes)

it was so out of character for his usual soft and cheery self you were baffled, having no idea what was wrong with him

until Felix makes an odd remark about he's sure that this guy will never be able to make you feel good, "too prideful and selfish with a small-"

you pull him to the side, grabbing onto his arm so hard it leaves angry red marks

that he'll probably end up jerking off to later

you practically hiss at him, glaring at him as you tell him off

saying that you have no idea what’s going on with him but he needs to stop it.

That he's your boyfriend and you'd really love it if your best friend could support you

He swears he could’ve almost cried from that. From you defending that asshole, taking his side instead of Felix’s

The only reasonable explanation is that the guy is toxic, he’s manipulating you, he’s bad for you and no one else can see it except for Felix

It seems like he’s in a haze for the rest of the night.

Civil but not really there. Nodding along animatedly, not looking in his direction for the rest of the night

He would swear he was still in that haze when he pulled your 'boyfriend' to the side as he was about to leave, after you had just left out the door, Felix calling behind you that he just wanted to have a quick word with him

in a haze as he threatens him, telling him he needs to stay away from you or else

-or else what?

He’s still in his ‘haze’ still, two nights later when Felix finds out that he never did

You’re so confused when he doesn’t show up for your date. Never texts or calls you back. When you get told from another friend that he ended up moving away for some unnamed reason.

Felix calls you and when you don't pick up he gets nervous and decides to show up at your place

To find you crying and heartbroken over that fucker.

He never deserved you.

Felix knew that

But he comforts you still, he lets you cry on his shoulder

He buys you ice cream and take-out and puts on a movie for you to watch

He lets you lay against him until it's the middle of the night

the room is dark except for the glow of the tv screen, the light illuminating your face to him as you lace your fingers with his

"Felix?"

It feels so odd for you to call him that, and not Lixie or Fefe like you normally do

"Yeah?"

Even odder to hear you say it in such a serious tone.

"Can I do something?"

he looks at you and you look at him

his eyes are wide, cheeks dusted pink

before you lean in and press your lips against his stupidly pretty ones

and in the dark of midnight, with a horrendously stupid comedy movie you insisted watching playing in the back,

He lets you use him

He lets you take his virginity-it was always yours after all, along with his heart and his body and his soul

No matter how rough you are, he takes it all with a moan and a cry for more

Fefe lets you take everything out on him. Every dark desire, all your stress and all your pain poured into making him cry beneath you

And with you on top of him, calling him a good boy, telling him he’s so fucking good for you he melts

He breaks

He cries

He holds back his tongue and doesn’t let spill every little feeling he has for you, how long he’s waited for you, how much he wants you and needs you and adores you

How you’re everything to him.

And you kiss away his tears and he kisses away yours

For tonight he’s yours.

Yours, yours, yours,

No one else’s.

You make him feel things he didn’t know his body was capable of feeling

Playing with his nipples and his dick, licking over his skin with a moan like he's the best thing that you've ever tasted

And when he feels on the cusp of insanity he laces your fingers with his and bring you in for a soft kiss,

so unlike anything else that’s happened tonight

so unlike the rough, borderline cruel way that you fuck him

But in the eye of the storm there’s a kind of quiet

gentle and soft, your lips against his. He swears he can feel your heart beating through your hand.

It’s everything he wants to say, everything he can’t say poured into it

And then you pull away and he whines and you smirk.

He sees heaven and hell and stars behind his eyelids and decides that you’re more important than all of them.

He sees the marks he leaves on your skin and the marks you leave on his in turn

He feels euphoria and bliss beyond what he thought was possible. Beyond any porn he’d watch and any times he’d touched himself to thoughts of you-he never thought feeling this good was possible

You tug his head back by his hair, slotting your face beside his to whisper in his ear.

“You’re fucking mine, do you hear me Lix? Mine.”

As if he's ever been anything else.

He always has been. He always will be.

“Yours, only yours.”

As if anyone else could have him now. As if you hadn’t ruined him for anyone else. No one could make him feel the way you did and he was not interested in even looking.

Yours.

He never wants to stop

Never wants to stop feeling like this

Feeling like he’s yours and only yours and you’re his and only his

If he could die in this moment, with you he would die a happy man.

He falls asleep in your arms, curled up into your chest

your bodies sweat-soaked and your tired pants filling the room

you hold him and he swears he’s never been happier in his entire life.

With you.

The next morning you’ve left a note.

You went back home to stay with your parents for a bit and didn’t want to disturb him when you left, but he’s free to stay however long he wants, the keys are on the counter for him to lock up when he leaves

He wishes he could say that he only stayed for breakfast and a shower but that would be a lie

He doesn’t leave for a long time

Because he’s in your bed, surrounded by your scent, covered in your marks from the night before, only able to remember the things that happened between you two

And all of that makes him so hard

He buries his head into your pillow and tries to imagine-remember

He buries his head into your pillow and remembers everything you did to him. Every word he worships in his head, every touch he tries to replicate

Shame fills him as he humps your pillow, unable to stop himself.

As he digs through your dirty laundry, stealing dirty underwear that he uses to get off too

It’s not you, but it’s close enough

He spends way too long in your apartment, doing things that fill him with shame and guilt and desire

How could he not though? With his body still tingling from your touch.

With his fingers still tracing over the marks you left on his body.

The marks that slowly fade throughout the day.

Marks that he wished he could ask you to replace.

And when you come back you act as if nothing happened.

You act as if you haven’t touched every part of his body.

As if you haven’t left marks all over him.

As if you know he isn’t completely and utterly obsessed with you.

As if you hadn’t made him promise to be yours.

But you never promised to be his.

It’s okay.

He’s okay with just being your best friend

With being the shoulder to cry on and the one you come home to after another guy that you liked suddenly doesn’t want to be around you

They’re all temporary. He’s here to stay.

He’s your Lixie, your Fefe

That’s all that matters.

He’ll be your best friend that’s around just a little too often,

That does just a little too much,

That warms your bed a little too many times to be just friends.

But you don’t wanna cross that line.

So it's okay.

As long as you're okay with the people you go out with disappearing after a short while

he may be complacent with the fact that you date someone else but he's not about to let them stay for long

And deep down you know what's going on

you aren't stupid, you don't miss the way he looks at the people you date, you didn't miss the mysterious red stain on his shirt after you got ghosted for the hundredth time

but when he lays in your lap, stretched out like a cat, looking so adorably harmless...

Does it really need to be addressed?

It's okay.

For you.

It's...okay.

For him.

He has something.

You have something.

Even if he really wants love. When he wants to be held and taken care of.

Wants to be told that you love him

Wants to be kissed on the forehead and told that he's the only one for you, that there's no one else.

No one else but him.

No matter that it's a lie and that you've told him all of that before.

a/n: is this kinda shit? yeah but i have such bad writer's block rn and probably won't post for awhile after this so i just wanted to post this now, it's my birthday so i'm going home to spend time w family

i might end up doing a fluffier (if you could even call it that?) version if you guys want it

my taglist is here if you wanna be added: @hobihearteu, @lemonhongjoong, @laylasbunbunny, @xcookiemonsteerr, @arlojulien-nightchild-of-hades, @hahagay, @lino-jagiyaa, @missrobyn81, @maru-matt, @goblinracha (i think this is everyone that wanted to be tagged?)

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xoluvx · 4 months ago

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hi! i was just wondering if you could write a little blurb/fic about billie eilish? basically, the reader has been teasing her all throughout the busy day and when they get home billie just fucks her really hard and kinda teases/edges her the entire time?

also, i adore your writing style and the aesthetic of your account! 💙

awww thank you bb, that means a lot <3 i hope you like it!!

you were in trouble. you knew it as soon as you walked into the car, sat down, and heard the doors lock almost instantly. billie sat on the driver’s side, her hands gripping the steering wheel, eyes never leaving the road. her lips pursed, then frowned. she tapped on the steering wheel at a red light. adjusted herself on her seat before speeding off at the green light. the tension in the car palpable.

it was entirely your fault. you’d teased her a little too much that night. you got carried away, what could you say? that you were going to be a good girl and keep your hands off your girlfriend all night? that was nearly impossible.

it’d started off innocent, you promise. she’d held your waist while she was talking to someone and you had to place your hand on her upper back. eventually, your fingers were lost in her hair. you tugged on the hairs at the base of her head and she cleared her throat glancing at you with a ‘what are you doing’ look.

then when you were sitting on a couch, bodies busy and mouths moving, you leaned your head on her shoulder, your hand dangerously close to her crotch. she squirmed, grabbed your hand and squeeze it, moving it to her knee.

finding yourself bored again, you rested your hand on her shoulder, your chin on your hand. your finger brushed her jaw playfully before inching closer. your lips brushed her ear as you whispered something about your very short dress and your very dainty underwear. she palmed your thigh smiling like everything was normal, but her grip on your skin said otherwise.

so while she drove in silence you recalled the events of the night and you knew you were in for your own night of torture.

you were approaching her house, just a few blocks away. her hand landed on your thigh, you turned to look down at it. her pinky finger moved brushing your skin. her hand moved further up your exposed thighs. remember that tiny dress? yeah, it left little fabric to cover your thighs.

she moved her hand so she was rubbing your thigh. each stroke a little rougher than the previous until she was full on gripping your thigh before releasing it only to slap her hand down on your skin.

her eyes were still fixed on the road.

she lifted her hand and brought it down again to clap with your thigh. then her hand rubbed your stinging skin until her pinky was rubbing against your underwear. your soaked dainty underwear. you shifted your body wanting more from her hand, but she simply pulled on your dress trying to cover you or something.

"billie," you whined turning to look at her, your voice breaking the silence. you clung to the door rest squirming in your seat.

"yes?" she responded pulling into the garage. she parked the car turning off the engine.

you looked at her with desperation. a desperation that was growing so profound you just wanted to shed your underwear and have her ravish you right here in the passenger seat. but that wasn't going to happen because billie was already out of the car, door slamming.

but being the gentleman she was, she'd still come around to open your door. the lights in the garage were so low, but you could see the heaviness of her lids. they were threatening. tongue running along her bottom lip.

you stepped out of the car and gasped when billie took your waist pushing you against the door as your ass slammed shut. she placed her arms on either side of you trapping you between the car and her body. her lips brushed against your jaw, biting your chin urging you to tip your head back. her tongue ran up your throat feeling as you gulped hooking your fingers in the loops of her bottoms.

she pressed her hips against yours, moving her body causing your dress to ride up again. she brought one arm down, her hand gripping your thigh pulling it around her hip. you groaned as your underwear shifted, causing the friction between your legs to rise.

moaning you gripped her shoulders pulling yourself closer as she devoured your neck.

then she dropped your leg, pulled your dress down again. she unwound your arms from her neck and kissed your cheek.

"bil" you hummed leaning against the door shutting your eyes. you burned in the places she touched and the places her tongue licked. she started walking away but you caught her arm and she turned in a swift motion holding both your arms.

"what do you want?" she growled close to your face. your noses touched.

"you know what i want," you mumbled with want and need.

she laughed in your face. shaking you a little, still holding your arms.

"you can tease all night, but you can't say what you want?" she tisked shaking her head. her lips parted kissing your cheek, teeth grazing your skin. she let go of your arms, holding your waist. she kissed your neck, tongue sloppily drawing on your skin.

she trailed down to your collarbone, hands holding your hips making your dress ride up again. she sucked on your collarbone, biting on your sensitive skin before suctioning again. you knew it'd leave a mark, but you didn't care.

she pushed you back until your ass hit her car and she didn't stop until you were tumbling back onto the car's hood. she lifted both your legs until you were laying down. legs open, pussy throbbing. she palmed your pussy over your underwear.

her hand furiously rubbed causing your underwear the wedge between your folds. she tugged up on it with her index finger, the fabric pressing on your sensitive clit. you cried out looking at her. the look on her face was pure evil, sexy evil. like 'is this what you wanted' evil.

she leaned down holding your underwear with both hands never breaking eye contact. you felt a tug when you heard the fabric ripping.

"did you just rip my underwear?" you gasped trying to catch your breath.

"and what?" she snarled bringing her body so her rough jeans were rubbing on your pulsing pussy. she wrapped her fingers around your neck applying little pressure, her other hand grabbed your thigh hiking it up as she moved her hips.

you were panting and moaning as her pace increased. your moans caught in your throat as her fingers wrapped tighter around your neck, still allowing you to breath.

"you're so needy," she stated through gritted teeth as your lips brushed. she watched the way your lids fluttered as she moved her hips, switching the movements every few seconds unlocking new pleasure.

your dress was now bunched around your torso, tits squeezing out, underwear still torn. you whimpered bouncing against her body as she thrusted now. her hands never once touching your sensitive areas. her tongue never once making contact with your pussy but you were already seeing stars. you were on the brink of an orgasm.

but you knew better than to fall for it.

you wouldn't see that orgasm. not any time soon.

#billie eilish #billie eilish request #billie eilish blurb #billie eilish x fem!reader #billie eilish fic #billie eilish x you #billie eilish fanfiction #billie eilish x reader #billie eilish smut #billie eilish imagine #billie eilish x y/n

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pvppybun · 4 months ago

Text

Nap Time

Gn!Reader, sfw

This is a repost from my original acct @angelbvnny !!!

Tartaglia, Wanderer, Kaveh

Tartaglia

Naps are quite an often occurrence with you and Ajax. Being a harbinger is very demanding. He's always pushing his body past it's limits. So by the time he arrives home, he's ready to pass out. You know when the day's been a particularly hard one when your normally lively over the top boyfriend enters without a word.

He will head straight for you, sneaking up from behind, wrapping his arms around your waist, letting out a sigh of relief. This has happened enough for you to know what he needs. You turn around giving him a light kiss on the lips. "Wanna take a nap?" His tired dark eyes stare at you for a moment before nodding.

As the two of you lie down he instantly clings onto you, tightly holding you in his arms. His hands are grabbing onto the fabric of your shirt. You can see as he slowly relaxes and his shoulders loosen. A smile appears on his face before light snoring can be heard. He's out within minutes.

I hope that you got everything done before this because you'll be stuck here until he wakes up. But you can't be upset when you see the peaceful look on your boyfriends face as he cuddles you <3

Wanderer

Scara doesn't get tired easily, so naps aren't too often with him. It's usually you that wants to take one. And he always agrees to it because while he will never admit it, he will do anything you tell him to, not without complaining about it of course. But in the times he does initiate it, it's more for intimacy purposes rather than actually resting. Because it's hard to say what he wants! In fact he would consider it to be humiliating to ask you to hold him.

Speaking of being humiliated, even asking to take a nap is difficult for him. So instead he opts to follow you around the house until you get the hint. Any time you turn to him asking if he needs anything, he simply shrugs and stays silent. He does get frustrated when you don't figure it out though (even though it's basically impossible to know what he wants) so he starts to sigh. But you still don't get the hint. So then the sighs get louder, and grow longer.

So you ask him for the nth time what's wrong, and by this point he can't take it anymore and tells you "Take a nap with me." Oh. Was that all? You're relieved he's not actually upset over something. It's actually pretty cute that he went so far just to ask you to take a nap with him. So you wrap up whatever you're doing and lay down with him.

He insists on being big spoon, holding you against himself. But somehow as you are sleeping he always manages to end up being cradled in your arms by the time you wake up. Whether it's intentional or not you aren't sure, but you choose not to mention it to spare him the embarrassment, and if it is intentional, you wouldn't want him to stop. You're glad Kuni feels safe enough to be that vulnerable with you <3

Kaveh

Kaveh has absolutely no respect for his sleep schedule. More often than not he will be up the entire night working on his latest project. So by the time evening comes in the following day, he's in dire need of a nap. And you're always ready to take one with him :)

He will come home from the Akademiya, immediately searching for you. When he finds you, he will moan and groan, talking about how exhausted he is and how he simply can't do anything until he recharges with his darling! He'll put his hand on the small of your back, urging you to the bedroom. He's already quite a needy boyfriend, but when he's tired, he NEEDS you. Needs to see you, touch you, hold you. Just to be with you.

Absolutely loves being little spoon. Don't get him wrong, he loves cuddling no matter how you're doing it, but something about being held by you makes his whole body relax and mind go empty. He specifically loves laying his head against your chest. Between the warmth from your body heat and the blanket he's snuggled under, he is OUT.

If he wasn't already, he instinctively grabs onto you when he's sleeping. Holding your hand or gripping your shirt. Kaveh has a surprisingly strong grip when he's unconscious. He just wants to get closer to you. Closer and closer and closer.

#genshin #genshin x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #tartaglia #tartaglia x reader #childe #childe x reader #wanderer #wanderer x reader #kunikuzushi #kunikuzushi x reader #kaveh #kaveh x reader

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zoesmp4 · 7 months ago

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FALLING BEHIND “everybody’s falling in love but im falling behind.” carl grimes x fem!reader

tags: fluff, kissing, use of y/n, e2l

@p1stach1oss + @gr7mes !! we both did laufey inspired carl fics so check out hers <3

a/n: this is my longest fic ever omg 😭 teehee i love adding him with cold hands🙏 this fic is inspired by falling behind by laufey, the lyrics r in between paragraphs or they’re in italic and bold !! i don’t know how to feel ab this one 😭

you felt like cupid was against you. “he called me pretty y/n. he called me pretty.” enid says, clutching your hand in excitement. you notice how the sunlight hits her face perfectly, no wonder she’s got ron all over her.

and my best friend’s found a new guy

you tried hard. really hard. it was practically impossible for you to get a boyfriend. sure, you had better things to worry about, but it was hard to stop thinking about it when you saw couples everywhere you went.

you were honestly desperate at this point. it was pathetic, really pathetic. but you just couldn’t manage anymore. you wanted to have someone who would let you cry into their chest when you were low, someone who would bend down to tie your shoelaces when they were undone, someone who would love you.

like a normal teenage girl, it was no surprise that you had a crush. of course, to your luck, you didn’t have even a slim chance with him. you were naive, wanting a boyfriend but crushing on the boy who hated your guts. you had fallen in love with carl grimes.

you and the boy weren’t exactly best buddies. when you were younger, he would tease you every chance he got. it’s not so different now. carl had made it his number one priority to make your life a living hell, and oh boy, was he successful.

he was tormenting you, but not in the way he’s trying to. he was all you could think about, and it was irritating. he could be making fun of you, and all you would focus on was his pretty face.

god, his eyes were like the midwinter sky, you could stare at them all day without getting bored. you often found yourself also gazing at his lips. they would be moving but you wouldn’t hear anything. it was hard to focus on things when you were around him.

“y/n? hello.. did you not hear what i just said?” enid says, eyebrows furrowing into confusion. “no, i did- sorry. go on.” you felt bad, you knew she was happy about this. so why couldn’t you just listen and be happy for her?

“whats distracting you so much? you’re really out of it today.” she says. “nothing, it’s not important.” “you sure? seemed pre-“ you watch as she glances behind you, talking instantly coming to a stop. you notice how her face flushes before she grins. you turn around to see ron, mr. prince charming, smiling at her.

“go, we can talk tomorrow.” you say, nodding your head in ron’s direction, a slight smile appearing on your face. “thank you, thank you, thank you! i promise we’ll talk later. you can tell me all about what you were daydreaming about.” enid exclaims, quickly rising to her feet, finishing her sentence as she walks over to the lanky boy.

lovers stroll without a care in sight

you were making your way back to your house, looking down at the ground beneath you. it’s not that you were completely devastated you didn’t have a lover of your own, but you were upset. “wait up loser!” you hear a voice call out from behind you.

your footsteps come to a halt and almost instantly, carl grimes is standing next to you. you felt your heart stop. play it cool y/n. “hi..?” you wanted to smack yourself right there and then. hi?? hi?!! you were so basic. “what’s got you all quiet? you’re usually so loud, you’re kinda scaring me.” he jokes, noticing how your usual smile was turned into a slight frown.

you found it kinda weird how he noticed the little things about you. you’d known each other for years now, and if you were being honest, he probably knew you better than enid did. boy, did it give you butterflies. if only he liked you back. “m’ okay. jus thinking about something. it’s really dumb though.” “everything you say is dumb. what’s up?” there it is. the daily insult.

“like i said, it’s nothing. don’t you have something better to do?” you say, looking him in the eye. “yeah, but i think this is pretty entertaining. now, can you please tell me what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”

ooh, this can’t be right

you knew he was probably being sarcastic, but his words still made your heart beat faster. anything carl said made your heart beat faster.

“you really wanna know?” “have i not made it obvious enough?” he says, rolling his eyes playfully. you sigh. “don’t laugh, but it’s like- everybody’s falling in love and i’m falling behind.” “what do you mean?” he was.. interested in what you had to say?

“everyone is getting their perfect fairytale and i’m just there. enid keeps talking about ron, how he calls her pretty and everything. they’re perfect. meanwhile, no one has even had a crush on me. it’s hopeless. i’m only getting older, i’ve never had a shoulder to cry on.”

carl looked at you with sympathy. “you’re really clueless aren’t you?” he asks, chuckling. “huh?” “y/n, who do you think left the comic you really wanted on your doorstep? who do you think got you the heart locket necklace thingy for your birthday? you’ve never thought about why they were just laying there?”

“i dont- i thought it was just enid surprising me or something.” “i dont think enid sneaked out the week before your birthday to make sure you got a good gift.” he said, looking straight into your eyes. “are you saying- that’s impossible.”

“i am in love with you. that’s what i’m saying.” your eyes widened, mouth parting slightly. “but- how? you’ve hated me since we were like- i don’t even know.” “who said i hated you?” okay. what was going on? carl grimes, the boy who’s been tormenting you since you could walk is confessing his feelings to you?

he sighs. “i-i know i’ve been an asshole. and i’m sorry. i’ve just been scared.” “scared..?” you ask, a puzzled look on your face. “terrified. y/n, you’re the most beautiful girl i’ve ever laid eyes on. i don’t- i didn’t know how to express my feelings. so i’ve just been being a pain in the ass. i know you don’t like me, and tha-“

you closed the space between you two, instantly laying your lips onto his. you didn’t know what was happening, but you knew you weren’t going to waste this opportunity.

one of his hands found its way to your back, pulling you closer. you felt the other one rest upon your cheek. the only thing that was surfacing in your mind was how good the sensation of his lips on yours felt. it was purely euphoric.

as soon as you both parted lips, you already missed it. “what does this mean? w-what are we?” you ask, voice quieter than usual. his cold hands reached for yours, a nervous expression on his face.

“i really wanna be yours. only if you’ll let me.” his words rang throughout your head, the words not processing.

“i really want you to be mine, carl grimes.”

“then i’m all yours, sweet girl.”

everybody’s falling in love

#carl grimes #carl grimes x reader #carl grimes x y/n #the walking dead #carl grimes x fem!reader #twd x reader #twd #carl grimes angst #carl grimes fluff #carl grimes smut #carl grimes oneshot #carl grimes imagine #twd oneshot #twd imagine #the walking dead x reader #carl grimes fanfiction #carl grimes x you

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qlossytbh · 7 months ago

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𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞 - 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬 You and Spencer start learning what it’s like to live together as the chase for the killer continues.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 mentions of overthinking (lots of it), mention of absent parents, mentions of scream 6 (no spoilers tho), unpopular scream 6 opinions, too much fluff tbh, nightmares, mentions of sleep paralysis

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 3.2k

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 i’m literally so sorry for this being so behind schedule, im so stumped with college and shit but here it is!

𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

You remember going home that night and thinking a lot— maybe too much, if you were being frank.

A lot was still on your mind. Between the case, and the whole murderer that was killing old acquaintance's—you also had a husband now apparently.

Two days had passed and the case was still at works. Spencer lived in an apartment complex, which wasn't favorable for the goal of the mission. You however, lived in a nice suburban house your parents left you as a 'sorry for being absent' gift. Very close to where you used to go to school, which was crucial. It was perfectly comfortable— a little too big for you to be living there by yourself, which left space for you to feel a little lonely many times— but spacious nonetheless.

So with that, and lots of discussion, it was decided that Spencer would accommodate himself at your house, to make the whole marriage part, well— believable.

Cameras had been installed all across the outside of your house, ensuring there'd be vigilance throughout the days to come. Hotch made it incredibly clear, that you and Spencer's safety was top priority, so taking precaution wasn't something that the team was going to take lightly. Hotch had previously sat you and Spencer down, just to make sure you knew what you were getting into, the basic guidelines you'd have to follow and so on.

You and Spencer didn't speak much as the plan progressed during the following days and you didn't know why. You knew that you had been busy with your own things and he had been busy with his own, but it still filled you with dread. You were dwelling wether or wether not he was truly comfortable with the whole 'fake married couple' and not having time to sit down and actually talk to him about this whole thing was messing with your head.

'Just keep an eye out for anything suspicious and try to act like a married couple—'

'As if that was so hard for them.'

That's what Hotch had told you and what Morgan decided to pipe in, causing you to nearly toss the book you had with you at him. Was it normal that you had been dwelling on what Morgan had said relentlessly since then?

You didn't fully understand why the whole concept filled you with an unexplainable unsteadiness. It felt similar to anxiety but it wasn't as dreadful. It felt like something was lingering across the tip of your tongue, begin to be released, but your brain couldn't actually process any of it.

Spencer had been taking this whole situation just as lightly as you were— which wasn't at all light. His mind running impossibly faster than usual, and thoughts forcing themselves in and out of his head. A few of his things had already been moved into your house, such as spare clothing among other stuff.

Tonight, however, you're mind was silent for the first time in these past two days. You sat on your couch, digging your back into the softness of its pillows, dressed with a fluffy pair of pajama pants and a white t-shirt that fell over your body comfortably. You had a box of ramen in your hands, and Spencer sat just a little further from you on the opposite side of the couch, also in his pajamas.

The two of you had been taken completely off guard, seeing the other in something so 'casual'. Sure, you had been best friends for a while, but somehow you had never seen each other in anything other than your work attire. Seeing him in nothing but a plain grey T-shirt and plaid pants felt almost intimate.

He held his box of ramen in one hand and a fork in the other, reminding you of his inability to ever learn how to use chopsticks, despite your attempts at teaching him.

You tugged closer at the blanket you were wrapped in and said with a mouth full of noodles."Easily the best scream movie since the original."

"In every way is it better than all the sequels. The opening scene is brilliant and the way they did it was so scary and intense—" You beamed, enthusiasm radiating off your every word as the end credits to Scream 6 began rolling.

One of you and Spencers preferred past-times was watching any movie, franchise or series you could get your hands on and either rip the movie to shreds or praise it as if it were a god given gift. You just finished watching the last Scream movie and funny enough, you both were disagreeing on the cinematographic decisions.

Spencer rolled his eyes, jabbing his fork into the nearly empty box of noodles. "Please, even after the last time I saw this I still think the this is one of the slowest pacing films known to man."

"You could actually tell this was the longest movies in the franchise," He shrugged. Your jaw slacked as an annoyed groan left your lips.

"Spencer, it is not slow-paced— are you kidding me?" He deadpanned at you, clearly disagreeing with your opinion. "Everything was timed perfectly! I mean, the kills were brutal but even so, they felt realistic and made me believe that those things could actually happen."

"They do actually happen," He said, reminding you of the reality of your job. Your lips pursed in thought, realizing he had a point as you looked over at the TV screen.

"Touché,”

You poked at your box silently. You didn't usually mind silences, much less with Spencer, but right now you were realizing that a somewhat tense silence had dwelled upon you two. You felt your nerves begin to bundle up and you caught yourself opening your mouth to speak.

"So uh—" One more poke at the bottom of the carton box. "I talked to Claire today,"

"Hmm? What'd she say?" Spencer's gaze and entire attention was on you in the matter of seconds and it made you weirdly nervous to speak.

"Well," You reached over, setting the now empty box onto the table. You leaned back into the couch, looking over at him as he copied your movements effortlessly. "She was telling me how she was planning on throwing a ten year reunion, but with everything going on, she cancelled it."

“Claire always took matters of those stupid school events into her own hands, but she didn’t know how tone deaf it was of her to throw it ever with everything that’s going on,”

Your speaking started off as a nervous ramble, attempting to fill the silence, but you soon found yourself easing into the nature of the conversation. Spencer listening attentively, shifting his weight to the side every once in a while.

"I told her that she should go ahead with it anyways. Gave her a hell of a list of pros and somehow she agreed to look into the possibility of organizing it,"

You recalled your conversation with Claire easily. When the option for a high school reunion was up, you remembered the reality of your mission with Spencer, and knew it was the perfect way of getting you and him on whoever was attacking radar. She asked why you were so enthusiastic about wanting to throw together the reunion, given how you weren't present at the one year reunion— or the five year.

"She was kind of apprehensive, which I don't blame her," You laughed at yourself and laid your head on the back of your couch, looking up at the ceiling. "I— uhm, told her it was because I wanted to officially introduce you as my husband and she got all, excited,"

You felt yourself growing nervous as you looked over at Spencer. "Excited?"

There was a teasing glint in his voice as he narrowed his eyes at you. He also laid his head on the back of your couch, still gazing over at you. It made your stomach weirdly twist and suddenly you felt your cheeks hot to the touch. You smiled and narrowed your eyes as well.

"Yes, excited," You looked down at your lap. You were getting to that point where you weren't thinking straight and your lips moved along as if they had a mind of their own. “She said she knew it all long and you know the typical 'called it' which everyone seems to love saying lately,"

“Saying what?” You looked back up at Spencer and silence dwelled upon you two. You shrugged and opened your mouth to speak, but was shocked when nothing came out. Both of your growing smiles began to falter as he tilted his head back just slightly, watching you intently. You knew something was lingering in his head— finding out what was the hard part.

"—It's uhm," You sucked in a deep breath and sat up quickly. "I'm gonna—"

You wordlessly dusted off your pants, tumbling slightly on your feet. You grabbed both now empty ramen boxes and waltzed over to your kitchen.

"Need help?" Spencer shot from over the couch, standing up and making his way over to the kitchen behind you.

"It's fine Spence," You cleared your throat, throwing both boxes into the trash and the fork into the sink. You turned, seeing Spencer now leaning against the fridge with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

Your eyes felt droopy, which meant it probably was late, and the two of you did have work tomorrow. Somehow knowing it was late impulsed your body to let out an involuntary yawn. Spencer smiled at you.

"I left a few extra blankets on the edge of my bed cause I know it gets cold—" You started. Spencer pushed himself off of the fridge and looked at you quizzically.

"What?" He asked. You stopped as you noticed his severely puzzled expression, looking at him and furrowing your brows.

You explained once again, completely lost as to what the problem was. “Blankets..? You know those things you use for—"

"You're expecting me to sleep in your bed?"

You blinked. "I changed the sheets before you got here if it's the whole germ shit your worried about,"

"What? No, it's not—" He said before shaking his head. "We're at your house, I'm supposed to sleep on the couch."

Of course. You hadn't thought about the fact that Spencer was going to be severely against you staying on the couch. In various situations he had put all of his comforts out of the way for you, so of course he wasn't going to let you sleep on the couch.

"Do not fight me on this because I swear," You pointed a warning finger towards him, taking a step near him. "My couch is amazing, if you couldn't already tell. I've got the TV as well, which I do not have in my room,"

He rolled his eyes at the amusement in your voice. But shook his head firmly. "You take the room, I'll take the couch—"

"Spencer!" You groaned, throwing your head back. You reached out and grabbed his wrists with both of your hands, looking up at him firmly. "Please,"

His lips pressed into a tight line, eyes finding yours as he looked down, seeing your lips tightly dressed with a firm pout as you attempted to give him your best puppy eyes.

"If you sleep on the couch that means I set up the whole light projector thingy for nothing," His head tilted.

"What?" He laughed at you, fully with endearment.

"I got you this stupid little galaxy projector thing off of Ebay, so the room wouldn't be pitch black."

Spencer stopped and looked down at you. He could practically heard his heart explode inside his chest, which was the best way of describing whatever it is he felt whenever you did stuff like it this. Stuff that showed that you cared, that you listened and payed attention.

When he suddenly looked away from you, incredibly close to caving, you tugged his wrist closer. "Please?"

He sighed, looking down at you. "Fine,"

It was imposible for Spencer to say no to you. It always has been. Wether it was something as stupid as stopping by a gas station on the way home from work to get your favorite snack or for him to give you some company while you visited the offices printer, he always found himself surrendering to your pleading look.

"I promise it's comfortable," You reassured, noticing how he was still apprehensive of letting you sleep on the couch in your own house. He sighed once again, but this time tugging you slightly by the arm into him. He wrapped his arms around you as your arms mindlessly wrapped around his torso. He buried his face into your neck and let out a gush of air he couldn't tell he was holding as his body relaxed under your touch.

With everything going on, the two of you had forgotten just how peaceful it was to be around one another. You had to remind yourself that the two of you were in this together, as much as you believed it was something you were handling alone.

"We're okay right?" He asked, realeasing you from his grip to look down at you. You pulled away, finding the same worry you had been feeling these past few days flooding his eyes.

"Yeah Spence," You gave him a small smile and a reassuring squeeze. He hugged you once more, trying to hold onto the feeling as you rubbed his back.

"We should probably head to sleep—" You said, pulling away from him as he hesitantly let you go, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Yeah," He nodded looking down at you one last time.

It all happened in the matter of seconds, and having been woken up so suddenly, you didn't fully grasp what was going on.

It started with a scream. The sound caused you to shoot up from your position in on the couch, still groggy with sleep. The second scream that came made your blood run cold as you realized the scream belonged to none other than Spencer.

Anxiety immediately clawed your throat and you truly felt like you couldnt breathe. You threw the blanket off of yourself and shot up from the couch. You held your breath while your body unconsciously dragged you towards your room in a panicked frenzy.

Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay

You still weren't processing anything that was going on when you pushed the door open fully expecting yourself to find the worst.

It took you a second that no one had broken in like you had thought. Spencer was unharmed but slashing back and forward in his sleep.

He's having a nightmare

You rushed over to his side, sitting on the edge of the bed and gripping his shoulder as you tried to get him to wake up.

"Spencer!" You shook his shoulder as he groaned and mumbled inaudibly in his sleep. With one final firm shake at his shoulder, his eyes shot open.

He sat up in a rush, desperately looking over the lightly lit room while his chest heaved up and down madly. His skin felt hot at the touch and his hair was all over the place. You could even see a few pieces that had been matted onto his forehead due to the sweat.

"Hey," You cooed, eyes laced with sleep and worry. His own eyes found yours desperately, breathing still labored. "Can you breath for me?"

He nodded wordlessly. Your hands snaked down to his, gripping his clammy palm in your own. You rubbed your thumb across his knuckles gently as his breathing finally slowed down. He dragged his free hand across his face and let out one final shaky breath.

You didnt ask anything at first. You just sat with him in silence— partially because you knew what it felt like, and also because you wanted him calm before saying anything.

Spencer was used to the nightmares. He got them when there was something that was on his mind, and he usually just slept through them, unable to wake up. It sometimes felt like he was stuck in them, and not being able to wake up from them was hell.

When you caught how he looked down, eyes full of panic and dread, you squeezed his hand. "It was just a nightmare Spence,"

He nodded, trying to believe you. You weren't going to pry, or ask him to tell you about what his nightmare was about. "I- I know,"

"...Do you get those often?" You asked after a moment of silence. He shrugged.

"Not necessarily, only when I'm stressed or worried,"

"Can I help in anyway?" Spencer looked up at you, squeezing your hand reassuringly as he shook his head.

"No—" He didn't want to be yet something else you had to worry about because just with the way you were looking at him he could tell you did— you always did. "No, I'm okay,"

You looked at him, trying to get him to crack under your gaze because you knew he wasn't fine. You didn't need him telling you the details, but you did want him telling you what you could do to help— and right now he wasn't going to because that's how stubborn Spencer was.

"You scared the shit out of me," You said, voice nearly breaking in a yawn as you rubbed your eyes with your free hand.

"Sorry," He said. You looked up at him and then reached over and tapped the screen of his phone that sat on the nightstand, reading the white numbers spell out four in the morning.

"You sure I can't help in anyway?" It felt utterly wrong to you to just leave after seeing how he had been paralyzed in his sleep by whatever severe fear his nightmare caused.

He remained silent. With a huff, you let go of his hand and crawled onto the opposite side of the bed wordlessly. Once you had laid on your back, you reached over, grabbing the grey blanket that sat on the end of your bed and pulled it up towards your body, laying into the pillows that sat behind your back.

Once you were accommodated, you looked over at Spencer, who was looking back at you, confusion painting his features. You shrugged at him.

"Can't a girl sleep in her own bed?" He rolled his eyes and with a small laugh, laid back down. He turned onto his side and glanced at the starry lit ceiling.

The roof now looked similar to that of a galaxy. The dark room was airbrushed in a deep blue and hints of purple, as stars circled and glided across the ceiling in a slow pace. The room resembled a nebula, and it was actually pretty fascinating.

"The lights are pretty," You stated, looking at the roof in awe.

"They are," Spencer agreed. You laid down further into the bed and searched for Spencer's hand. He flattened it out, granting access for yours to intertwine itself in his.

"Is this okay?" You asked.

With a single reassuring squeeze, he answered. "Yeah,"

You closed your eyes, letting sleep begin to consume you again as you laid far from Spencer's body, but still connected by the simple touch of your intertwined hands.

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 @yondiii i @r-3dlips @moonchildohh @rubyirene @sp3ncelle @alisyacsa @pleasantwitchgarden @landooscurls @chonkybonky @hiireadstuff @stillhere197 @iluvreading73

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vitaminseetarot · 7 months ago

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Poll PAC: What Your Next Birthday Celebration Will Be Like 🎂🎉🎁

Sup y'all, welcome back to another PAC reading. This time I'm doing a special 1 year/birthday/poll topic of choice themed pick a card! This is also a special one as VitaminSee now has 300 followers! Holy crap thank you for your support everyone! I haven't been able to get on Tumblr for a while, so I apologize if it seems like I've dropped from the aether. Life is starting to enter its hectic phase right now! Thank you so much for your patience. I'm waiting for life things to straighten out (lol as if life ever does) before I go ahead and offer some basic paid readings, which I hope to do in May.

This topic is for the next birthday you have coming up, whether that's tomorrow or next year. For my selection, I was recently lucky to have found the Wild Wisdom Companion book among a vast pile of discounted books. It's based on the Wheel of the Year. I thought this deck was perfect for making piles themed around the progression of the year and how our birthdays respond to the passage of the seasons. Pick whichever one of the Spring themed card you like most down below:

Pile 1 - The Unfurling 🌱 Pile 2 - The Wind 🕊 Pile 3 - The Door 🗝 Pile 4 - The Alchemist 🍾

Pile 1 - The Unfurling

Sagittarius - Expand, Level Up, Shadow, Isolation; XVII Star, 3 of Cups, XXI World, Ace of Wands, 5 of Cups

Hello, pile 1! Your birthday is going to be the start of great expansion. Your first three oracle cards spell it out so clearly! Sagittarius is all about shooting for seemingly farfetched goals and striking the target anyway. There is so much growth going on in your pile. You're probably anticipating your next chapter to be one of reaching beyond the horizon and feeling ready to do so. Ideas or wishes that seemed impossible may be coming closer to being within your grasp. Your life is ready to take it up a notch immediately after your next birthday, where things may begin to feel like they're accelerating. Don't worry about the turbulence, it's all a part of the movement. Breaking out of your comfort zone may feel scary, but something about your next birthday will set off a chain of events that will propel you to a new phase of life.

I have a feeling that many who choose this pile will be in a transitory stage of life, like you're getting ready to start college or a new job around your birthday. It's not just another year older, this next one will be extra meaningful in terms of receiving something you've been longing for in quite some time. It's something you've been greatly eager to begin. I don't any sense that you'll be looking back too much once you go forward, since you'll be thrust rather quickly in your next chapter.

But it's still okay if you're experiencing anxiety over it, even if it's something you've really wanted. Anxiety, doubt, and fear are not necessarily indicators that something isn't right for you. It's normal to get cold feet in this context. A sprout breaking from its seed shell is no small feat; it requires a great amount of momentum and motivation. Congratulate yourself for having come this far. Let your birthday be a chance to celebrate this. Give yourself the opportunity to commemorate with friends, if they wanna help give you a birthday to remember then let them. They may feel the vibe as much as you will on that day. Don't be afraid to take that day trip out to a new place you've never seen.

What's interesting about the Isolation card is that it shows two cups. There is meanwhile a Friendship card in this deck with only one cup. So I don't know if the words were swapped with the images or what, but the sense I get is that you will very likely be in good company during your birthday. They may want to take you out dancing (the Ace of Wands is reminding me of disco lights). However, even in the midst of the event, you may feel the urge to hide away from the crowd. I'm picturing someone stepping out of a house during a party. You may need to catch your breath at times in order to process the emotions you're experiencing, as you have a lot of energetic, lit up cards just before the five of cups.

Again, getting in dark negative moods is normal when you're facing a big new stage is not indicative that things will go wrong if it's something you know you're looking forward to. If you end up spending most of the day with friends, find some space to be at peace by yourself so you can even out your feelings. These intense moods will come and go on their own, so make sure to stay balanced (and not too overly caffeinated lol) on your birthday.

Pile 2 - The Wind 🕊

Third House - Communication, A New Day, Ball Pits, Family; 10 of Swords, 5 of Cups, III Empress, Knight of Pentacles, 4 of Cups

How's it going pile 2? I couldn't help but notice you have two pairs of swallows in your reading. Birds may have some significance for you, maybe you'll go birdwatching or even get a pet bird. For a small number of you, the birthday could involve a plane flight out of home for a quick trip. Could you be visiting family members? There's a lot of communication going on, for sure. Even if you're not traveling out by flight, you may have family members show up to take you out somewhere. They may be insistent on seeing you, talking to you, and spending time with you. The phone might blow up first thing in the morning with notifications and voicemail.

But I'm seeing a lot of hesitance in your tarot cards. You may be feeling tired or burned out and not necessarily in the mood to celebrate. The previous year was a doozy for you so perhaps catching up on sleep is more of your priority. Ever get the feeling of wanting to sleep because life is overwhelmed and you're like, "I give up (for now)?" and call it a day? You need to give yourself a chance to recuperate around your birthday, before during and after. Have a break so you can fully recover and receive all that the coming year has to offer you.

That means letting loved ones in your life, be they bio family or chosen family, understand that you'd rather have a small get together or a chance to rest every now and then if you're invited out somewhere. If you choose to go out, there's nothing wrong with taking it slow and easy, or doing something casual like grabbing some ice cream and sitting by the riverside to ponder the next year. Communicate your feelings instead of bottling them up in an attempt to keep up with everybody else. Don't let anyone convince you of how you should celebrate, it's your day your rules!

Others of you who have a little more energy, a little more of that "last year sucks, I need to go out and do something fun to sweat it off!", I feel like the ball is emphasized here with Knight of Pentacles beneath Ball Pits. Some of you looking for more action and noise may choose to go to a ball game, or spend time at the arcade playing pinball with friends. It could even be mini golf. Whether you are the low energy (calm) or high energy (excited) seeking type, getting the chance to have some fun is important, as long as it feels right for you.

This is the pile most likely to get some kind of surprise, be that a party (high energy) or a surprise gift (low energy). There will be a sense of being pampered. Some of you may get a larger number of gifts than you may have expected. You may receive a very beautiful gift, something you may treasure for a long time. Whatever it may be, allow yourself to thoroughly enjoy it and express that joy. Let yourself embrace gratitude, being mindful of what you have now regardless of how your last year has been and how your next year will be. For your next birthday, try to focus on the present (in both meanings).

Pile 3 - The Door 🗝

South Node - Past, Let Your Light Shine, Bubble Gum, Winter; Ace of Cups, 9 of Swords, 3 of Pentacles, XIX Sun, Page of Wands

Hey pile 3! For your next birthday, I'm definitely seeing you go outside to celebrate. There may be an actual party held outdoors, or you might choose to go out somewhere. I'm seeing parks, possibly national parks or natural trails. I'm getting the feeling of warm sunshine, the weather will likely cooperate perfectly on your day. You could be cruising through town, going from store to store (the 3 of pentacles reminds me of a mall here). Your birthday feels expansive and adventurous, ready for something new.

A small number of you may wish to engage a little bit in the spotlight, or you may be placed into a position of receiving more attention on this day. If you wish to, your birthday would be a great day to showcase your talents or passions, since I'm picking up a bit of Leo energy in this pile. With lips in Bubble Gum, you could be giving a speech? I'm picturing an actual toast, if you feel the strong urge to speak out then do so, let yourself be heard. I'm also seeing people sing for you at restaurants, so if that isn't your style, it's best to find a place to eat that doesn't do that sort of thing.

This birthday could be like your own version of a New Year's Eve celebration. Some of you may actually be born in the winter or around New Year's, so holidays and birthdays could tie in together. You're wanting your birthday to stand out amidst the traditional festivities (I've known many people born around Christmas who hate having their birthday gifts thrown under the tree, so you're not alone in that frustration!). You may get the idea of doing something out of the ordinary. Let yourself take the spotlight--it's your special occasion!

There's a message in your pile of letting old things go as you step into a new age. Old things from the year prior may still be sticking onto you, old issues from unresolved matters may pop up. They could be on the more practical side, like needing to sign something or finish a task on time. Be ready to step into the future unafraid--now is the time to shed the baggage. Your birthday can be the fresh start to a bright new trip around the sun, but you gotta give yourself that chance. If something needs to be resolved, and you got the time, tie up your loose ends beforehand so it's not weighing on you as you celebrate.

Your birthday is a threshold to an exciting new time for you. It may be like a breath of fresh air. I keep hearing "refreshed" and "invigorated", so this may be how you feel at the end of your birthday. You may do something that makes you think, "huh, why don't I do this more often?" That could be the key for you to step into something brand new. Will spending time with your friends refresh you, or going to a concert and discovering a new band that you will fall in love with as it warms up the show? Or may you desire to spend more time out in nature? Lean into what lights you up, listen to what engages you, and move from there.

Pile 4 - The Alchemist 🍾

Imum Coeli - Roots, Snow Day, Forest, Transformation; 3 of Cups, 6 of Cups, Ace of Swords, XII Hanged Man, 8 of Swords

What's up, pile 4? Your birthday is looking to be the absolute warmest and coziest out of all the piles. Many of you may identify strongly with introversion. I'm sensing a lot of you have your birthday around autumn or the cooler times of the year when most people are ready to bundle up in blankets or sit by the wood stove while awaiting the first signs of frost. Many of you may get a lucky chance to stay at home instead of needing to work or go to school, so you'll have the day off to plan out what you want to do. Others of you may desire to take time off if you have the chance to, I would go for it especially if you've been feeling the need to rest. You may live near trees or desire to be out in nature as a way to kick back.

I'm seeing someone invite a few friends over to watch old reruns of favorite shows while baking. It could be a gathering of closest friends, I'm not getting the sense that it'll be a big to-do bash. This day will be short, sweet, and simple. It's a good day for doing hobbies or spending time indulging in the gifts you were given. Some of you may rather spend time with family or those you live with instead of inviting people over. You and your family may share a special way of celebrating birthdays, I don't know of any birthday specific cultural traditions from the top of my head but you may have special rituals unique to you and your family. Either way, I get that you'll have a modest celebration that's nevertheless full of camaraderie and relaxing activities.

The description for the Alchemist card says "Allow Transformation", and you have another Transformation card. You may be doing a lot of transmuting on the inside, working through old stubborn patterns and limiting beliefs around this time. I'm seeing the ball of flame near the snow as if you're melting old self-sabotaging blockages away to make room for more growth in your coming year. This flame, this transmuting energy, is making way for the new to arrive.

The Hanged Man being tangled up in vines beneath a forest makes me think that you've been hung up on something that needs to be let go. You must prune in order to effectively grow. Too much in a small space can lead to cramming and confusion. You must deal with the thoughts tangling themselves up in your mind before cultivating the thoughts you want in their place. Changes may happen slowly on the outside, but when certain patterns are fully cleared out things can really take off.

So, for example, let's say you've wanted to sign up for a ceramics workshop for your birthday, or spend the day cleaning house (if you happen to find cleaning therapeutic). To do so, you'll need to not only free up your schedule, but free your mind of thoughts trying to convince you that you can't learn or can't clean. Perhaps it's difficult to not see the forest as just a bundle of trees. But a forest is more than trees, it's an entire system that supports itself in a perpetual cycle. Don't fill up your days with too many tasks, especially on your birthday. Pace the day with both the things you want to do and the things you have to do. The time around birthday will show you how to integrate the best of both worlds. We can have cake and eat it too, it's just a matter of pacing and doing things one at a time.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2024, @VitaminseeTarot ™

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steddieas-shegoes · 9 months ago

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just a hug

for @steddielovemonth prompt ‘love is a warm hug’

rated t | 719 words | cw: panic attack | tags: friends to lovers, idiots in love, getting together (officially)

🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

It was just a light flickering. It shouldn’t have caused Steve’s heart to stop beating, his breathing to quicken, his chest to constrict.

He excused himself from the room, turned the corner down the hall, and fell against the wall. He couldn’t do it again. It was supposed to be over, they were supposed to be safe-

“Steve?” A voice said behind him. It should’ve startled him, but he barely heard it as he continued to picture the walls opening in front of him, a clock chiming.

“No, please,” Steve squeaked out, no longer in the Byers’ house, surrounded by vines and debris, choking on ash and dust.

“Stevie, Steve, it’s okay. You’re safe. You’re not there.” Was that Eddie? It couldn’t be. Eddie was, he was- “Hey, you feel my hands? I’m gonna hold yours. Squeeze my hands if you can hear me.”

He squeezed. Even if it wasn’t real, even if Eddie was still dying on the ground, even if he’d already died, he wanted to do what he said.

“That’s good, angel. Can you take a breath for me?”

He could, but his chest hurt and he choked on a sob, felt his throat closing up. He shook his head.

“Alright, let’s sit. C’mon, bend your knees.” Steve was guided down by strong hands, familiar hands, Eddie’s hands. “Yep, I’m right here. Not going anywhere. Let’s try again, deep breath.”

It was a little easier sitting down, focusing on the way Eddie’s voice was right next to his ear, his hands were on his arms.

“Better. Another one.”

Steve lost sight of the Upside Down. He lost the feeling of dread slowly. The hands on him felt warm now, less like a weight holding him down and more like a buoy pulling him to shore.

His head fell to rest against Eddie’s chest, listening to his heartbeat, something that had seemed impossible only a moment ago. The warmth of his body was bringing Steve back, making every breath easier as his heart rate returned to normal.

Eddie’s arms were around him, pulling him close, hugging him. He never really liked being consumed like this during a panic attack, or even after, but with Eddie it was different. Eddie knew exactly where to wrap his arms to make him feel grounded, warm, safe.

He was in Eddie’s lap, matching his breaths.

“I got him,” Eddie said softly to someone behind him, moving a hand to wave them away. “Just Joyce, angel. It’s okay.”

“I’m okay?” Steve didn’t mean to ask, meant to confirm it, but Eddie started running his fingers through his hair to comfort him more.

“You’re okay. I promise.”

“I’m okay. And you’re okay?”

“I’m okay. I’m right here.”

Steve was shaking, but felt a little more in control. He needed to be sure Eddie was okay.

He pulled away enough to touch his face, his shoulders and arms. Eddie was silent while he did it, used to the routine by now, patient while Steve made sure he wasn’t bleeding or broken or dying.

“You got me out of there, remember?” Eddie whispered to him.

“Sometimes it’s hard to remember,” Steve admitted. “Sometimes it feels like I’m back there and you’re dying and everyone’s dying and I’m alone.”

“You’re not, sweetheart.”

Steve looked up at him from under his lashes, eyes scanning Eddie’s face.

“You never call me that after they’re done,” Steve’s voice was hesitant, hushed.

“I always want to,” Eddie said just as hushed, not wanting to break the moment.

Eddie had been helping him through panic attacks for months now, but he’d also been there for everything else. They were together almost every night, sometimes for Hellfire, sometimes for movie nights, sometimes just for dinner with Wayne. They were in each other’s pockets most of the time.

Robin joked that they were basically a married couple. She wasn’t wrong, but Steve was terrified to show his cards.

“You want me to be your sweetheart?” Steve asked, playing with the ends of Eddie’s hair.

“Yeah, I’d really like that,” Eddie grinned.

“Me too.”

Steve was still off, still shaky and unsure of himself, but Eddie wrapped him in a warm hug again, whispered gentle reassurance against his ear.

He knew it was too soon to say it, but all he felt was love.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #steddielovemonth #love is a warm hug #cw: panic attack #friends to lovers #idiots in love #getting together

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hispg · 1 year ago

Text

Safe haven

Pairings: Leon x Reader

Wc:4.0k

Summary: How Leon deals with his ptsd over the years.

Warnings: hurt/comfort, angst, depressive thoughts, suicidal intent, Leon hating himself.

An: This one follows the cannon order, so it starts with r2 Leon, r4, r6, vendetta, ends with Death Island.

Denial

Since Leon returned from Raccoon City, nothing has been the same. You've seen the man you knew die day after day, his personality changing like water to wine. And he knew it, he knew it better than anyone.

You still remember perfectly when he arrived, covered in blood, with a bandage on his arm, a face with the most terrified expression you could imagine.

The horrors he had witnessed in that place were simply out of this world. What should have been a simple first day at work turned into a living hell. There were things he wouldn't erase from his memory, the way he had to kill all his co-workers, the way he saw everyone around him die. He felt bad, guilty, even though he had no control over it.

It was a lot for one person, a lot for him to process.

A night that would mark him for the rest of his life.

In order not to involve you too much in the subject, he never went into too much detail, just briefly saying something or other. But you could imagine, the way his fear was clear on his face, his lips trembling every time he tried to talk to you about what had happened.

You saw the way he woke up every night, covered in a layer of sweat, whimpering and almost screaming in his room. He never slept properly, always woke up in a state of sheer panic, and it only got worse as time went on. It wasn't something he could control, not even he himself could believe that he had come out of that nightmare alive.

And he often wished he hadn't.

All he forced himself to believe was that it would be something momentary, an event that he would forget or at least get better with the passage of time.

But it didn't.

He beat himself up every day, unable to forget a single second of that night. He could have helped more, he could have done more, maybe he could have saved more people.

Deep down, he knew it was impossible. A simple situation where a hundred were sacrificed to save one.

There were days when he couldn't even leave the house, and he also begged you to stay with him. A panic attack that haunted him almost daily, he needed you to be there. At least he knew you would be safe by his side, and he needed you, as if you were the air he breathed.

All this was due to the fact that he couldn't cope on his own, if you didn't sleep next to him every night, he wouldn't even try to close his eyes. Because he knew he wouldn't be able to doze off for a single moment, not that he'd ever get a good night's sleep.

He often refused, refused to believe that it was real, refused to believe that it had ever happened. But every time he closed his eyes and heard the screams of agony echoing in his head, he remembered the painful reality.

It was almost customary for him to try to recover from everything he had experienced, to lift his face, wipe away the tears and force an expression from someone who was fine.

But you and he knew it was just a lie.

Everything took a turn for the worse when he was interrogated and basically forced to work for the government. It was a 'deal', he would work for the government in exchange for the little girl safety, a little girl called Sherry, who he found and saved in the middle of the chaos that night.

Although he didn't want to, he didn't think it was fair to let a girl as young as her suffer in a laboratory, maybe it was crazy to compromise his life for someone he barely knew. But that was him, the guy who put others before himself. So he accepted the 'agreement'.

He just wanted to be someone normal, to forget about that damn trauma, to forget about the pain of that night and to put all those events behind him.

But he couldn't, and maybe he wasn't ready for that fact.

The Leon of before no longer existed, maybe a small sketch left, but he would never be able to get back on his feet and be like before.

Never.

Anger

Leon's life began to turn upside down even more, after the hell that happened in Raccoon City, he was forced to go to military training, supposedly to serve the government. Even years after what happened, the night was still incredibly vivid in his mind. Every detail was stagnant in his memory, a mark he couldn't remove.

All he felt now was anger, all hidden in that sullen face that had become his usual expression. He hid behind it, hoping you wouldn't notice how cold and indifferent he was becoming. It was the only way to protect himself that he found.

And he hated that things were this way.

What he didn't expect was that he would become an agent working for the President. Everything that had already happened to him was enough, and he still seemed to be getting worse and worse.

Like a bottomless pit, he just fell lower and lower.

At this point he no longer cared about much, he was becoming more and more stressed with work and that damn training.

You lost count of how many times he came home scratched, bruised, with some part of his body purple. One time he even arrived with a broken rib, and he didn't even try to explain to you what had happened.

He just did his bandages silently, with your help. And he didn't even say a single word about it, and you worried like crazy. You didn't even know if he would arrive in one piece the next day.

It wasn't difficult to assimilate all the abuse he was suffering in that place, you had already heard a few times the way some of his training partners spoke to him on the phone. They weren't friendly at all.

All he did was hide what he felt with that sulky face, more and more you saw him becoming closed off. It was rare that he talked about his training, or his day.

Even he had become increasingly discreet about his nightmares, or even his anxiety attacks. He always thought he could handle it on his own, it was his problem. That he had learned to cope, or at least he thought he had.

Because it was the same story as always. Just a man doing what he hated, reliving the past and charting a hateful future.

And that couldn't be avoided.

And well, nothing got better when he was called to a mission in Spain, looking for the President's daughter. He didn't feel excited about the situation at all, he didn't even want to go. However, there wasn't much of an option.

He tried to warn you, in fact he didn't warn you, he just said he was going to Spain, just like that.

It wasn't hard to imagine that this caused a small fight between you, since he could at least tell you what it was about. But he didn't say.

"Don't pressure me, don't even try to look into things that's not your business." Leon hisses at you, turning his back and leaving you behind with tears in your eyes. All you heard after was the door slamming, and he disappeared for a few days.

Surely he knew the shit he had done, and every moment that passed he felt his heart tighten. His anxiety reaching its worst peaks. As he began to understand what was happening in that old village, he felt terror wash over him once again. The fear of not being able to return terrified him, he doesn't even know how he managed to stay upright in the face of all that.

He felt trapped in a nightmare again.

Another hell, he didn't even know that he would go through a situation similar to Raccoon City again, but to his displeasure it happened. Once again he doesn't know how he came out alive, he was terrified of witnessing death several times in a row. The only thing he thought about was going home, he needed a place to call home. And he needed you, in a way he couldn't put into words. So many words he wanted to say, so many things he wanted to do, especially seeing more people around him die. After having done everything he did to survive.

He needed someone.

Everything he had planned to tell you went down the drain as soon as he got home, the first thing he saw was you lying on the sofa, wearing one of his shirts.

It didn't take long for him to take off his boots, and walk towards you, he was shabby, a complete mess. It was no surprise.

He gently gave you a gentle kiss on the cheek, so as not to wake you, and sat down on the floor next to you. He intended to spend the night there, as he certainly wouldn't be able to sleep no matter how hard he tried.

With his fists clenched, his face set, a strange feeling running through his body. Once again he felt like it was a tantrum, but it wasn't.

A single tear wet his cheeks, followed by several others.

And then he realized, the reality of the facts caught up with him.

And the terrifying feeling returned.

Understanding

A few more painful years passed, and it was indeed optimistic to say that things had improved. It was as if everything was exhausting, he couldn't have fun with the things he liked.

As if his life was in a loop where he couldn't stop, he couldn't get out of it. It just kept going again and again, it shouldn't be like this.

But was.

It wasn't hard to notice how grumpy he had become. He was no longer someone of many words, and now he was even more closed off. If it was possible.

The grown beard that only showed how disinterested he was in his own appearance. He was at a point where he barely looked at himself in the mirror, his dark blond strands falling down his face. And he didn't even bother to trim his hair and leave it the way he liked it.

He didn't even look in the mirror, he hated every time he saw his own reflection. He learned to hate every one of his scars, every mark that remained from his missions, he hated with all of his heart. It was an otherworldly aversion, he shouldn't feel this way about himself, but that didn't matter. Not now.

He learned to hate himself.

He hated the way that even after all these years his traumas still haunted him, the way he still had those terrible nightmares. He hated the way he treated you, so cold and distant.

So different from what he once was.

Since it all started in Raccoon City, he always knew that the part of the soul he lost there he would never recover. But he didn't imagine things would be this bad.

It was as if no moment was good, as if everything revolved around his work and the problems that came with it. He became such a focused person that he would sometimes go days without showering, with his hair all messy and his face completely tired. From someone who hadn't had rest in days. And that person was exactly him.

He would often make minimal effort to talk to you, try to start a conversation and tell you how his day was going. But who said he could? The poor man got so used to keeping things to himself that sharing it was complicated.

The words tumbled in his mouth, he couldn't form a sentence that made any sense and didn't sound desperate. But he failed as soon as he said the first word, and just ended up changing the subject.

Therefore, he learned that nothing would be the same as before, even after all these years in which he hoped that things would change, for the better. But to his chagrin this didn't happen, and everything went downhill.

He tried his best to come to terms with all of this, since he was already someone who had seen a lot, and had already done a lot as well. But that didn't stop him from feeling bad, from feeling like the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

And it wasn't?

At that point he ignored what he felt, if he was called to a mission he would simply go, even though he was extremely upset about the matter. Because in those moments he realized that he was just an object of the government.

A powerful weapon that was capable of stopping the crap that happened here or there, and that was it. Just it.

Nothing more than a weapon.

What else could he expect? The turn things took only made the government's intentions clear, and he didn't approve at all. He was always against it, but who said he was listened to?

He had already accepted this, a cruel fate from which he had little option of escaping. He had already dealt with it.

He forced himself to believe those words.

All he could do was hate himself more and more, every time he came home tired and saw you, his heart broke.

How did he still have you by his side? How the hell was such a sweet person still willing to stay by his side. It wasn't fair.

He deserved to be alone.

Day after day he found himself looking for things to get rid of the bitterness that his life had become, what he found was drinking.

One of the few things that let him breathe, even if just for a few hours. It started slowly, but he needed to increase it.

It was an obligation, it was either that or get home and feel like the worst person in the world. This addiction started slowly, in a subtle way.

However, it then got out of control, and once again he found himself in his worst state.

"There's no turning back.." A whisper coming from him, drunk and completely out of his mind.

His life was a dead end, and he had no hope that it would get better.

Another day of remorse, another day living in his shoes.

Depression

The only consolation he found now was drinking, at least it helped the pain go away for a moment. Even though at some point he had to increase the doses more and more, he needed it to take effect.

If at any point he had tried to have some closeness with you back, that had ended in the last few months. He couldn't even take care of himself, let alone take care of you.

He was a different man, and not in a good way.

At that point he already accepted that he had lost himself, that he no longer had salvation, his mind was torturing him.

It was suffering just to be alive.

The fact that he always lost people around him, that he had to kill his own team because he wasn't able to save them. How the hell was he supposed to survive with this? How could he say everything was fine?

Everything around him was dying, like he had a curse around him or something. Not even he wanted to understand this. The weight of the years he lived in this torture was catching up to him.

And nothing could be done, once again.

The nightmares, the weight on his conscience, the memory of each of the missions. It was an unhealthy cycle he was trapped in.

Certainly an addiction wouldn't solve the situation, but what would? Pay nicely as always? Hold his head up and follow orders like a puppy?

"Piece of shit." That's what he mutters when he sees himself in the reflection of his cell phone, disappointed with the way everything is happening. How he was dealing with all of this. His appearance was different, hair more swept to the side, a longer beard. Clothes that not even he knew he would wear at some point.

But what would be the other way? How?

Disappointment, anger, depression, all mixed up in his head. He didn't know what he should do with these bottled up feelings that were haunting him day after day.

All the missions, all the people he lost, everything he experienced. How could someone go through so much like that?

How could he have gone through this and still somehow moved on?

This time he didn't even bother trying to hide from you the displeasure he had created for life, he rarely spent time at home, and when he did it was all day grumbling or drinking.

A great guilt invaded him when you cried because nothing you tried to do seemed to help, but this wasn't about you.

It was about him.

His mood only worsened when Chris called him to another mission, actually it wasn't really a call, more like a statement that he was going to another mission.

This was his life for the last few years, mission after mission, without even a moment for himself, not that he was going to do anything other than drink in the meantime.

What could have happened special this time? Another mission where he comes close to death several times, where he simply doesn't know if he'll return home in one piece. And he could swear he didn't care about it or not.

At least he thought so.

But perhaps the fact of working with people close to him this time made him see that things could be worth it again. Although it wasn't the friendliest place to think this, he couldn't deny that it gave him some comfort since he worked with people he knew, especially Chris, who was one of the few people he liked at work. Despite grumbling a lot.

He appreciated the fact that things ended well this time, for the first time in a long time.

There was still a little light in the good things, in the little daily things. Sometimes things didn't always have a bad ending.

The people around him wouldn't always fade away or betray him, that wouldn't always be the course of things.

Maybe now he was ready to start improving a little, maybe yes, maybe no. He would only know if he tried.

Once the madness of the mission was over, all he could think about was you, he could only think about seeing you one more time after everything that had happened. It was a desire so big that it couldn't fit in his chest.

You can bet he was counting the minutes until he got home, he needed to feel your presence again. He needed to know that he had people who were there for him.

He needed your comfort, your reassurance.

Once he got home the first thing he did was look for you, it was more than a desire, it was a need.

Without you even realizing it, you see him leaning against the kitchen counter, with an almost unremarkable smile. You even surprise yourself, since it had been a good few months since you had seen even a trace of a happy expression on his face.

"I'm back.." He says in a whisper, looking at you gently for the first time in a while.

You look at him a little hesitantly, wanting to give him a hug, not knowing if he wanted that or not.

A simple gesture but one that made your day, he opened his arms to you, waiting for you to do what you wanted.

Without a shadow of a doubt he needed this as much as you did.

Maybe there's still a way out. Maybe there is still a way.

Acceptance

Leon was trying, he was trying his best to be a better man. You could tell that, the way he was cutting back on alcohol, the way he was trying to be more attentive to you.

These little things indicated an effort on his part, he didn't want to hate himself anymore, he didn't want to feel so indifferent anymore. Maybe it was time for a change, he didn't need to be like this anymore.

He had people he could count on, and after all, he had you. That even after his coldness in recent years, you never left him, it was time to reciprocate.

And of course there were things he couldn't let go of so easily, especially his problems with trauma, and he already knew that it was a weight he would carry for the rest of his life.

He would never forget.

But he was also trying to learn not to be like that anymore, things could still have a good side. He could still have hope, even if it was a mere drop. Life had been hard on him from the beginning, but he needed to find some motivation. He couldn't live regretting forever, putting himself down every time.

It was time to rise again, time to pick up the pieces and rebuild. Little by little, and of course he would never be the same as before. But he could be a better person, and he would do everything he could to make that happen. You could notice this drastic change even more, since he came back from the last mission, he was different. So proof is that, as soon as he got home he hugged you, and spent a good ten minutes like that.

Probably feeling overwhelmed with yet another mission, duties that seemed to never end. But he wouldn't think about that now.

He wanted to try to be happy. At least one attempt.

Small efforts, for example trying to open up to you, saying few things, but it was a great start. He knew that if he continued like this he would be able to share his problems with you, it certainly wouldn't weigh so much on him if he could share them with you.

His mind was still a mess, but he was trying to organize himself, put his thoughts in order. It was a long and difficult road, but he wanted to bet that he would make it.

It was the glimmer of hope he had.

Leon now went out with you, took you for rides on his motorbike. He begins to realize that life could go beyond work, that not everything needs to be so bad.

You could see him smiling more, he had even gone back to making those corny jokes that never failed to make you laugh. Most importantly, he seemed content, sometimes even at peace with himself.

The desire he had to disappear, little by little was fading, and he began to gain a little more zest for life. Things wouldn't always go wrong, and he could relax a little, even try to let his guard down whenever possible.

Even once you caught him laughing like a fool on his cell phone, only to see him having fun watching a video of a dog, which in his eyes was incredibly funny.

Seeing this, you decide to give him a pet on his birthday. And you almost cried once you saw the joy in his eyes, that sparkle in his eyes that you missed so much.

"I love you." A shy and low voice, accompanied by the most beautiful smile you've ever seen. How long has it been since you last heard this? The sweet way the phrase slid across his lips. A moment so subtle but so sweet, and one that you hoped would be repeated more and more.

Life was worth it, he would make it worth it again.

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