#it’s amazing and terrifying and comforting

[petriwriting]

Swimming Lessons - JJ Maybank X Reader

Request.

A/N: This was so cute...

Growing up in the outerbanks and being unable to swim was hysterically ironic. You enjoyed the pool, and the beach as long as the water wasn't too deep. You liked baths, hot tubs and jacuzzis, but for some reason you just never learned how to swim properly, which raised an insecurity that you couldn't swim. Of course, naturally everyone can swim, but the thought of the darkness undernarth you and the absence of the grounding earth under your feet, it was absolutely terrifying. But, you were willing to learn.

"JJ I can't swim."

you protest, it's the evening, the air is warm and humid and the sea breeze has a slight chill. JJ holds you, bridal style over the water. 

"JJ I'm serious!" you say louder, growing scared as he carries you into deeper water, it's now waist length deep for him. He's still standing, which means you could too, but it is a bit scary since you can't swim. Your bottom starts to meet the cold water and you squeal. "Hey I got you," JJ says with a laugh. you hold onto him tighter. "I don't understand how you can do this for fun." you say. 

"Swimming is boring, wait till I can show you how to surf. You'll be flying across those waves." He jokes continuously. He pretended to drop you and laughed it off again, enjoying your nervous laughter and smile. You protest one more time. "JJ I can't swim." you say serious this time, your tone sobering up. "And I told you I won't let you drown," he says sternly. you sigh in defeat. He gently puts you down, slightly deeper than before, your chest is met with the chilly ocean water and sea foam. "This.. isn't too bad." you say, you are simply standing in the sand, not really swimming. 

Before you can say anything else a huge wave crashes over you, sending you hurdling into JJ who holds you still. "Oh my god," you exclaim. "That was scary," you sigh, pushing your wet hair out of your face. "Babe, it's the ocean. there will be waves." JJ says, with a look. "They aren't even that bad today. this is pretty calm." he reassures you. 

"Alright, let's try this." he insists. "Float on your back, just to practice." he instructs, you follow suit hesitantly and do as he says. you are floating on your back, or trying to at least. There is comfort in knowing you can easily stand if you need to. "Hey," he says, his eyes are looking deep into yours. It's a sweet moment. "I got you." he says gently. 

You try again, one more time until you are comfortably floating on your back in JJ's arms. He cheers you on encouragingly. "one more time, ok?" he asks. "This time you gotta close your eyes. I'll be right here, promise." he says. you begin to float on your back the same as before. you keep your eyes open for as long as you can until he is insistent you close them. Darkness. you feel the flow of the waves, and are relaxed and amazed by the ocean and how she carries you and cradles you as if you're a baby. you got a glimpse of why JJ and his friends loved surfing and swimming so much. It was comforting. It felt safe.

You open your eyes and you have drifted and floated out further than you would have liked, JJ's arms are not beneath you and you begin to panic, your feet can't feel the sand beneath them, terrified, you remembered everything JJ had told you about swimming. "It's as easy as breathing, you'll know what to do. It's an instinct." 

You look up and see JJ has swam out closer to the shore and is waiting and watching for you. You are slightly angry he broke the promise but you swim towards him and before you know it you're swimming. He claps and cheers for you. "You got this!" you swim right up to him and pull him under the water. swimming now feels effortless. He got you out of your comfort zone.

"Nice try you can't drown me i'm a strong swimmer," He jokes. The two of you race to the shore and you chase him up onto the beach until you're both exhausted and laying on the sand. "JJ," you say finally after some silence. "Thank you for teaching me to swim." you say. "Nah, don't thank me. you did all the work," he smirks, looking down at your lips for a pause and then kissing you tenderly. 

[pinkslipxox]

Could you write something about reader and Billie having a very natural home birth and Billie being so supportive and attentive

hey mami! Omg yes! Hope you like it 💞

——————————————————————————

The warm glow of the late afternoon sun spilled softly through the windows, casting a golden hue across the cozy living room. Y/N leaned against the plush cushions of their bed, her heart racing with both excitement and nervousness. She was ready, really ready, to welcome their little miracle into the world. This home birth was exactly what she wanted, surrounded by love, comfort, and the familiar warmth of her own space.

Billie, her wife, moved around the room with a mix of excitement and anxiety, her vibrant green hair caught in a messy bun. She had planned this day meticulously, ensuring everything was in place for Y/N’s comfort. Every now and then, Y/N would catch Billie glancing at her with wide eyes, a mix of awe and concern etched across her face.

“Hey, my love,” Y/N said, her voice gentle as she sat on the edge of their bed. “You okay?”

Billie stopped in her tracks, her eyes softening. “I’m just… You’re so amazing,” she replied, her voice laced with admiration. “I can’t believe you’re doing this.”

Y/N chuckled softly, feeling a wave of warmth wash over her. “We’re doing this together, remember?”

Billie nodded, taking Y/N’s hand and squeezing it tightly, as if to ground herself in this moment. “Yeah, together,” she repeated, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Billie's hands were gentle as they intertwined with Y/N's, the warmth of their touch grounding. She looked into Y/N's eyes, which shimmered with a mix of anticipation and determination. "You’re doing amazing, my love," she continued, kissing Y/N’s forehead softly. It was just the two of them, with their midwife quietly preparing in the background, ensuring everything was perfect for the home birth they had envisioned together.

As the first contraction hit, Y/N felt a wave of pressure ripple through her body. She took a deep breath, focusing on the soothing rhythm of her breath, the way Billie’s hand stayed firmly in hers. “Just breathe with me,” Y/N whispered, closing her eyes for a moment of focus.

Billie knelt beside Y/N, brushing a strand of hair from her face. “You got this, love. Breathe in… and out. That’s it,” she encouraged, her voice a soft melody. “I’m right here.”

Y/N felt calmer, her mind anchored by Billie’s unwavering presence. As another contraction came, Y/N squeezed Billie’s hand tightly, and Billie winced slightly but didn’t let go. Instead, she leaned in closer, her forehead resting against Y/N’s, whispering sweet nothings into her ear. “You’re incredible. Look at you, my beautiful warrior. Just a little bit longer, and we’ll have our baby.”

The words wrapped around Y/N like a warm blanket, filling her with strength. She focused on Billie’s voice, allowing it to guide her through each wave of pain that came and went.

“You’re doing amazing, Y/N,” Billie said, her voice barely above a whisper. “Just think of holding our little one in your arms. I can’t wait to see you as a mom.”

Y/N smiled through the discomfort, imagining the moment when they would finally meet their baby, the culmination of their love. “Me too, Billie,” she replied between breaths, feeling the reassurance wash over her.

As the contractions continued, Billie stayed close, constantly checking in with Y/N, brushing her hands against her belly and whispering love-filled affirmations. “You’re so strong, my love. Everything is going to be perfect.”

With each contraction, Y/N felt power coursing through her body, a primal instinct that was both thrilling and terrifying. Yet through it all, Billie was by her side, unwavering in her support. She brought a cool cloth to Y/N’s forehead, wiping away the beads of sweat that formed, and the simple act brought another wave of peace.

Hours passed, and the effort was evident on Y/N’s face, but Billie remained there, unmoved and devoted, and Y/N couldn’t have imagined a better partner to share this moment with.

Finally, when the moment approached more swiftly than Y/N had anticipated, she found herself gripping the bed, breathing through the intensity. “Billie, I—I think it’s time,” she panted, her heart racing with the realization.

Billie’s eyes widened, a mixture of excitement and concern flaring in her chest. “Okay, okay! Just keep breathing. I’m here. You can do this. Remember, you’re my goddess.”

Y/N nodded, feeling empowered by Billie’s words even as the contractions peaked. “I love you, Billie,” she whispered, her voice trembling but firm.

“I love you too, Y/N,” Billie replied, her voice filled with pure affection. “You’re my everything.”

With Billie’s and the midwife’s encouragement keeping her grounded, Y/N summoned all her strength, embracing each wave, guiding her body as she prepared to bring their baby into the world.

As the incredible moment approached, Y/N was engulfed by a mix of sensations—pain, excitement, and overwhelming love. Billie held Y/N’s hand tightly, never leaving her side, whispering constant reassurances and reminders of the joy that awaited them. “You’re almost there, love. Just one more push.”

With a final surge of determination, Y/N pushed through the pain, and Billie’s voice became a symphony of praise, urging her on. “That’s it! You’re doing it! Just a little more!”

And then, in a whirlwind of emotions and sensations, it happened. A beautiful cry filled the room, and Billie’s face lit up with joy. “We did it! Oh my god, Y/N, look!”

Y/N blinked through tears of relief and happiness, her heart swelling as Billie cradled their newborn, bringing the tiny bundle closer. “You did this, Y/N! Our baby is here!”

With shaky hands, Y/N reached out, gently touching her baby’s cheek, feeling the warmth between them. “Hi, little one,” she whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Billie leaned in, kissing Y/N tenderly on the forehead. “You’re incredible, princess. I’m so proud of you,” she said, her voice thick with emotion.

In that moment, as they gazed upon their newborn, Y/N knew that whatever challenges lay ahead, they would face them together—two devoted wives, now proud parents, forever united by their love and this beautiful journey they had shared.

[alastair-1205]

Time for my weekly insane about Geo thoughts. I cannot imagine how terrified he must still be of Cole leaving him. Like yea he did the whole lying about his powers thing already, but it goes deeper than that insecurity from being thrown into the land of lost things.

He must have spent years hearing about this other, amazing, powerful family that Cole once had and that he missed deeply, and of course Geo knows Cole loves him, but he's sure that if it came down to it that Cole wouldn't actually choose him. But he can take some selfish comfort knowing that this old family isn't in the picture anymore. He feels like an asshole, but he's felt worse so...

But then this family come back and brings those world ending levels of responsibility that Geo had only heard of with them. Cole is dragged away by that and Geo is far from thinking it's a good idea to insist he stays, but now Cole knows he's been lying about his powers, and now they can all leave the land of lost things so Cole doesn't have a moral obligation there either. And of course Cole loves Geo and their kids and the family they've made, but in the face of the end of the world, he can't stay, and in the face of the ninja coming back, he may not ever return.

But that doesn't happen. Sure some shit goes down and Bonzel may be missing (she's not dead. She can't be. Just missing in a place someone can find her one day.) But Geo isn't alone in that. Silver linings.

But then the other thing about Geo that I'm not normal about rn is how weird it must feel for him to interact with the rest of the ninja.

Like Cole obviously has this dynamic and relationship that's older than Spitz and Fritz and had been born from blood and trials and heartbreak and Geo and the Finders are just. There. On the outskirts of that but never being integrated the way people like Sora and Arin are (Geo cannot fucking escape feeling like an outsider within already established groups damn).

And like of course the ninja have been kind to him, but there's a disconnect there. Cole is the only connection between his two families and if he isn't there, that fact becomes pretty obvious pretty quick. They've truama bonded a bit, but in a group as traumatized as the ninja that doesn't mean as much as it maybe should lol.

I was honestly just thinking about that part in DR season 2 where Lloyd was injured and Geo was just there. Like it was almost funny and the fact that it was funny is kinda sad. Like he's trying to help, clearly he cares, and they aren't telling him to leave either, but he's put of place. Wanting to help but not being close enough to do so in a way that matters, but also not detached enough to just walk away. The weirdest sort of limbo. But he loves Cole and Cole loves him and he hasn't left yet so maybe they'll figure something out.

[frownyalfred]

not me rereading sky of honey again 👀 its my comfort fic fr

I love it so much, I will shamelessly admit that. It’s really just a love letter to my own love for pack bonding and drama. After that shitty comment the other day I re-read it and realized the Lex and Jason parts are some of my FAVORITES.

It’s not that redemption is impossible (it is) but more so that redemption is MESSY. It hurts. It takes time. But when it’s done, it feels amazing. You’re stronger than you ever were before!

Anyway, that’s all to say writing the sequel is my next big to-do. I’m excited. And terrified.

[theforesteldritch]

I visited the library of babel site and it’s mind blowing. Everything anyone has ever written can be found on there. You could find a book with this exact post on there. There’s one for images- and a slideshow that will cycle through every possible image within a range of pixels. The universe will die before most of them have even had a hypothetical time to be seen. You can upload images to see what the number in the library is. Every picture, everything that you will ever see or read is on there. You’ll just never see it.

There are books with the solutions to anything you can think of. But there are also books with solutions that are wrong. And there’s mostly of books with jumbled letters.

There’s a book that you could use to decode the rest of the books into something comprehensible.

But we’ll never ever see any of those things

Mind blowing stuff

[vigilskeep]

i need to wynnepost. somebody has to

[kaurwreck]

have yall ever noticed in osamu dazai's entrance exam that ranpo cuts to the heart of dazai within moments of meeting him, weighs him against the feather in his gaze, decides it neither too heavy nor light, and then says, simply, unfeignedly, deliberately, "Oh, that's nice. Anyway, welcome to the Agency."

and dazai, despite smoothing himself shapeless under ranpo's scrutiny, is rattled, slipping aside his noh mask to self-soothe by asking kunikida about ranpo's skill. because the radio static crackling along his spine can't be the sensation that he's been caught, or ranpo would have renounced or redressed or recoiled from the snake in his home— so it must be no longer human, buzzing and frustrating such and such skill ranpo set on him, and this placidity is a facade to save face. ranpo couldn't have seen what dazai didn't deign to show him, however much the thought briefly excites dazai.

except then kunikida explains that ranpo's skill is to deduce the truth of a case just by looking at it, and dazai is momentarily stunned, the static roaring in his drums as muscle memory swallows piqued yearning and spits bitter incredulity. even if there were a skill that could crack him apart to out the pluck meat that might reassure him he's made of flesh beneath the chitin, there is no exception to his nullification.

even as the blackened grief encroaches like ennui around dazai's edges, ranpo is calling them, promising them the answer they asked for, and no more than that much. he asks dazai for his glasses (the glasses precious to him, typically on his person, but in that moment, somewhere else), and dazai is coaxed by his curiosity and ranpo's beckon.

and because dazai is still a pitiable creature prone to wanting, he leans towards the taunting lure and takes it between his fingers while holding his breath to brace against the certain-to-be-crushing disappointment.

and instead, substantiation brokering little argument. ranpo can deduce the truth by looking at it. and as dazai's own discernment reverse engineers ranpo's conclusion, he finds no fault in it.

dazai's rhapsody enlivens him in the car with Kunikida, the well of him overflowing with the salvific implications that moments prior he was pinned, writhing in place, by someone sincerely seeing him, who was satiated by enough substance to then look away, who wasn't the least surprised to see wriggling, living flesh in the shape of him.

dazai's so beside himself that when kunikida remarks that he's never seen dazai marvel over someone else's skills like that before, dazai scarcely lies to him when he says lots of things take him by surprise, like when he tried to pick up a clam with his chopsticks, and it was still alive, startling him.

kunikida, who also notices more than he's given any credit for, dismisses dazai's third perspective, depersonalized, dehumanized, and disassociated clam metaphor, and says: "You seemed taken aback that someone had the ability to see and know all."

to which dazai responds with the same seamless and subtly mean spirited deflection he tends towards whenever he's suddenly feeling vulnerable.

but yes, he is taken aback. it's worldview shattering, not unlike when chuuya incited him, or oda shrugged at him, or when kunikida would, later, see a lock without any key (a climax without any hope) and create one himself.

ranpo saw him, saw who he'd been, and said, with prejudice: "Anyway, welcome to the Agency."

because I didn't until a couple of weeks ago, but I haven't stopped thinking about it.

[justkitty12]

My take on the comfort character trend

idk what to put here

[nullcoast]

Why can't we just love eachother and help eachother and cry for eachother when we hurt and laugh for eachother when we're happy. What happened to radical acceptance and beauty. Why are we self-separating using white suppremist ideas about identity. The idea someone needs some pure property to be worthy of adopting a community is point blank a white suprematist idea. Where is the understanding of mistake and pain.

We are so alone and isolated in this generation and we are playing directly into the interests of those in power by further self-separating. Focus on some important fucking shit.

[gregoftom]

“do you have all the support that you need [for sweden]?”

[november-rising]

“my mum has a saying: every book has its time, and not every time is the right time for every book. that doesn't mean you'll NOT read them, just not now, and that's completely fine.”

@owlsinathens shared this with me about books she gifted me as I apologized for not be further along in the readings as I thought I should. Because of my own traumas with “you better be grateful” regardless of what precipitated the “gift” from parents and the expectation that I SHOULD utilize fully what has been given no matter what unless you “want to be ungrateful”, I’ve put pressure on myself to knock out the series.

Books shouldn’t be knocked out.

They are pure wonderment- good, neutral or bad. These worlds should be cherished. I didn’t have that luxury growing up - to cherish stillness, family, others, or myself.

Literature in many of its forms, including fanfics, allowed me a safe escape. It allowed me the chance to express, process, scream, learn and bandage many things in my life over the last 25 years. (Note: acknowledging that I’ve been escaping so much since I was 10 is quite telling.)

What I’m trying to say is that there are great people and great books (and great fanfics) that should be given the time they need. No pressure. No expectations. No obligations. Just enjoyment.

Life lessons come from anywhere. Tumblr has been my most caring tutor.

[softquietsteadylove]

I really loved the way Gil interacted with a kid in the ice queen/ tyrant king au.

Would you do another one in another AU? You choose wich AU!

"What have we got?"

Gil helps get the stretcher out and wheels down on the ground. "Monkey bar slip, seems like a pretty clean fracture. No blood, no splitting, but the swelling's pretty bad."

Thena nods as she jogs alongside them on their way inside. She examines the arm which has indeed swelled tremendously in the time it took to get them here. "Sweetheart, I need you to look at me, okay?"

The young lady does her best to open her eyes despite her tears. She continues to cry as Thena shines her light into them, testing the reaction of her pupils.

"Good, good," she murmurs. "Can you give my hand a squeeze with your other hand?"

"Ma'am it's okay, just let the doctor work," Gil tries to calm the mother sobbing, trying to keep up with them.

"Get her into an x-ray as soon as you can," Thena announces as soon as the residents and nurses waiting for them are in sight. "It looks like we might have to let some blood out."

"Wha-"

"It's okay," Thena says in her velvety smooth voice to both daughter and mother before the girl is wheeled on. Thena puts her hand on the mother's shoulder as she walks them to follow her more calmly. "If anything, it's a good thing that the bone didn't break the skin. We're just going to relieve some of the pressure in the muscles around it that are causing that extreme swelling in her arm."

Gil looks around him for a second and then back in the direction of the ambulance bay. Something isn't right.

There were two kids when he picked them all up at the park.

He walks back to the ambulance he just parked, jingling the keys on his finger. He starts whistling a tune as he nears the open doors. His methods were correct, he discovers as he hears a definite sniffling coming from the back of the bus. "Hm...I hope there aren't any little stowaways in here."

A quiet hiccup floats out.

Gil pretends to reach for the handles, "I'm headed to the buzz-saw factory next--I hope it isn't too scary-"

"Wait!"

Gil smiles as a head of bouncy pigtails scrambles out from - he assumes - hiding next to one of the bench seats. "Well, what do we have here?"

The poor little girls sniffles, dragging her arm across her snotty little nose. "M'sorry--everyone was yelling, and no one would just talk to me, a-and I wanted to go home but-"

"It's okay," Gil tries to soothe the poor kid. He grasps her under her armpits to help her down from the tall ambulance step. Then he offers her a pack of tissues for the boogers. "Ambulances can be pretty scary, especially when everyone's freaking out."

The girl at least blows her nose and then wipes the snot off her arm. She looks around her but Gil holds out another tissue for her to deposit hers in, throwing them out next to the door. "Is my sister gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, she'll be fine," Gil chuckles, offering his hand so he can get the poor thing back to her family. The girl takes his it, wrapping her whole palm around just two of his fingers. "My friend is the best doctor ever, and she's fixing up your sister as we speak."

"Really?"

"You bet," he smiles as they make their way inside. He imagines they've done the x-rays already and hopefully have the girl in a bed by now. "Thena is my best friend, and she takes extra good care of all her patients."

"I wanna be a doctor when I grow up. But..." the little girl's eyes water again, "it was so loud in there."

Gil nods, sympathising with the tiny girl and her tiny steps. "The ambulance isn't for everyone. But doctors don't usually ride in ambulances, and not even all doctors work in emergency rooms. You could be the kind of doctor that sees people for appointments when they're sick."

She stares up at him, eyes wide. "You're not a doctor?"

"He's much more important than a any of the doctors here."

Gil smiles as soon as he sees her, standing at the nurse's station and definitely having expected him and their little VIP. "Aw, honey, you flatter me."

Thena gives him a roll of her eyes that he knows really means she's happy to see him. She leans down to the little lady with him, "your mother is looking for you."

The girls shrinks behind Gil slightly, lip wobbling, "I'm sorry."

Gil pulls her out again with her hand attached to his, though. "She's not mad, sweetie. But it's important not to get lost in hospitals. They're very, very big and a lot of people might not notice a lost kid."

Thena offers a softer smile and holds out her hand for the girl, "would you like to see your sister?"

The poor thing looks between Thena, who is a doctor and has promised her sister to her, and Gil, whom she knows is a safe haven in this very scary place.

"Let's go," he whispers to her, promising to join her as they start walking with Thena on her other side. He looks up at her, "I told her all about you."

Thena looks down at the girl, who averts her eyes shyly. "Did he tell you I'm the meanest, scariest doctor here?"

She looks up at Gil, who laughs loudly enough that a few nurses turn to glare at him. He shakes his head, "that's not true. This is my friend, Doctor Thena."

The girl looks up at Thena again, eyes sparkling with interest. "He said you're the best doctor in the whole world!"

Thena gives him that look again but isn't about to argue with a child, let alone such a cute one. "He might be exaggerating a little. He has a very important job here too."

Gil catches Thena's eye again and bounces his eyes down at their passenger, "she wants to be a doctor too, although the ambulance might be a bit much for her."

Thena nods, coming to a stop and kneeling down to the girl. "The emergency room certainly isn't for everyone. And plenty of doctors don't like working down here."

"Why do you like it?" the kid asks blatantly, without the slightest tact.

Thena smiles, though. "People come in here, sometimes for nothing, and sometimes because they're scared, or sometimes because they've had a very, very bad day. Like your sister."

The girl nods.

"And I do what I can to help each and every one of them," Thena says softly, reaching up to slide her stethoscope off her shoulder. "Would you hold onto this for me for a minute?"

She gasps, eyes wide and sparkly as Thena loops the stethoscope around the back of her neck. It's adorably big on her.

"Hm," Thena gives it a little pat before standing again, "you'll grow into it."

Gil looks at her as they round a corner, his hand now bobbing as their visitor skips along in delight. He whispers, "and you say you're not good with kids."

"I'm just biased," she brushes off, but he can see that bright smile in all its glory. They finally arrive at the room assigned to the patient. Thena knocks on the door, "ma'am, I'm here with the paramedic who brought you in. We have your-"

The door whips open and the woman scoops her younger daughter into her arms, crying any mix of joy and relief and stress out.

Thena shares a smile with Gil before going back over to the young lady with the broken ulna (and a fractured radius). Gil closes the door behind him, "we just needed a minute to ourselves in the ambulance. Nothing to worry about."

The woman smiles at him, not only for his retrieval of her daughter for how gently he has handled the situation. "Thank you, Doctor-"

"No, Mama," the girl on her hip corrects her. "He's a paramedic. He brings people in the ambulance. Doctors don't go in ambulances."

"Unless they're super cool trauma doctors," Gil corrects with a wink, pointing at Thena's back with a grin.

"Gilgamesh, whatever you're telling them," Thena murmurs as she tests her patient's pain levels, "stop it."

The girl and her mother share a little giggle over the antics of the pair. The little girl swings her feet to be let down, going back over to Gil. "I still wanna be a doctor when I grow up, I think."

"Maybe you'll work in a cool hospital like this one," he suggests with glee. He can see why hearing that she wanted to be a doctor really did Thena in. It's just so stinking cute.

The kid tugs at Gil's sleeve, asking him to lean down. Not that he needs to; she whispers as loudly as possible, "will I be pretty like her when I'm a doctor?"

Gil chuckles, especially at how Thena glares at him briefly, just daring him to say something. "Sorry kid, but no one is as pretty as she is."

The little girl giggles, and the mother hold a hand to her lips. She catches the doctor's eye as she grasps the foot of the bed. "Your husband certainly is a charmer."

Thena just sighs. "He's a distraction, is what he is."

Gil takes note of the colour in her cheeks she's trying her best to hide from him.

"I think we're all in order here," Thena announces as she finishes making some notes on the necessary charts. "What will happen now is we'll send off her file, and a colleague of mine who specialises in bones will take you from here. He'll get you set up with a plaster cast and how to take care of it."

"Thank you, Doctor," the woman nods and shakes Thena's hand vigorously. She looks at her daughter, "honey, it's time to give the doctor her stethoscope back."

The girl sighs but dutifully slides it from around her neck.

Thena catches Gil's eyes again on her way down to kneeling in front of her. He sees her take the ear tips off before pursing her lips. "Hm."

"What?" the mother asks, already fretful.

Thena smiles at the little girl, "I think it looks better on you, actually."

Gil holds back another chuckle; the woman claims she doesn't even like kids but she meets one (1) little girl who wants to be a doctor and gives her whole-ass stethoscope to her.

"Oh," the mother is already shaking her head, "no-"

"I think you should keep it," Thena whispers to their little visitor, securing the stethoscope around her tiny shoulders again. "Keep it until you get one of your own."

"Can I?!"

Thena stands, cutting off the mother before she can protest. "I insist. If she wants to play with it just stick some cotton balls on the tips. She won't be able to hurt herself with it without proper ear pieces anyway."

Gil offers the flustered mother a shrug, holding the door for Thena who is rushing to make her exit before she can be on the receiving end of any real thanks or praise. He waves at the kid, "see you later, Doc!"

Thena waits until the door has drifted closed to look back at him, "we'll be close to retirement by the time she's a doctor."

"You never know," he shrugs, moving his hands from within his hoodie pockets. "Maybe she'll be a kid genius, like Sprite."

"Could be."

"It was sweet of you to give her your stethoscope," he smiles, and laughs at Thena's visible squirming at the compliment. "Top of the line and everything."

"I'll get eaten alive when I have to put in my reason for ordering yet another one this year," Thena sighs, as if she isn't still smiling just remembering the look on the girl's face. "But maybe she'll become a great doctor--sweet and caring and attentive. It will be well worth it, then."

"Maybe she'll grow up to be the second best doctor in the world," Gil suggests as they end up at the nurse's station.

"I'll be retired, Gilgamesh," Thena takes the liberty of reminding him.

Gil just shrugs, "you'll always be the best to me."

[spoofyleaf]

Forever greatful for having a couple really close friends who I’m not scared to be myself around. Like,,, being able to be unapologetically myself and not be left bc of it is an amazing feeling.

Mom was right, keep being unapologetically yourself, and you’ll find the right people who care for you unconditionally

[onemillionfurries]

yesterday i had to get my blood drawn and was freaking the FUCK out bc i am TERRIFIED of needles. and there was this amazing nurse there that came in and held my hand and comforted me during the procedure, and was trying to say how brave i was but the way she worded it was REALLY funny.

she just kept on repeating "If you can change your name to Todd, you can do anything" and like. i KNOW she meant that in a #transally way, but i couldn't help but think "damn, is my name really that bad that you think im brave for choosing it?"

[wonderfultoweird]

my friends and I to be honest ♡

[criminalamnesia]

GOD I LOVE traitor and how strong you've made the reader. It's amazing! And I eagerly await any future parts, whether it's big proper story or drabbles. BUT, you come first and your life does so you do what you gotta and go be amazing! We can wait. Proud of you X

im so late to responding, but thank you! <3

here’s part six :) also not really proofread so I apologize for any errors! I’ll fix them later!

ALL PARTS CAN BE FOUND HERE

you don’t know how long you’ve been sitting on the floor, cross-legged amongst broken glass, brittle flowers, and discarded clothes, when someone knocks on the door.

you don’t move, don’t say anything. the noise seems distant— too far off to be real.

besides, if someone is really knocking on your door, they know you’re in here.

and if they know you’re in here, it could be one of five people. your former squad mates, or the doctor.

the knock sounds again. it shakes you from your stupor, yet you still make no move to answer it. let them come in; let them see what they’ve made of you. of who you were. of who you could’ve been.

the person on the other side of the door is speaking now. you register the muffled baritone as it fights to be heard from the hall.

you clench your fists, then unclench them— stretching out your fingers as far as they go. clench them again. unclench. stretch. repeat.

it’s a tick— a calming habit. you don’t think it’s working at the present moment.

the doorknob turns. you still don’t move.

the door is being pushed in, light from the hallway aggressively slicing through the darkness you’d left yourself in. you fought the urge to curl in on yourself.

you’d been so consumed by your anger— are consumed by it— but coming into this room and seeing that damn note was earth-shaking. it was terrifying, and it was a tangible reminder of the team’s unapologetic tactics. simon’s unapologetic tactics.

the voice is speaking once more, clearer now that the door is out of the way— but you can’t make out the words over the ringing in your ears.

a hand gingerly lands on your shoulder, and that’s when you snap.

you whirl around, throwing yourself into the intruder like a cobra striking its prey. clearly caught off guard, the person lets loose a ‘oomph’ and falls backwards as you take out their legs.

everything is fuzzy. the ringing in your ears crescendos, and it brings pain with it. you’re striking your target with reckless abandon, still not registering who is flailing underneath you.

punches land and land and land. nails scrape and scratch and draw blood. all you see is red— all you hear is the sharpening of a knife or the whirring of a saw.

and then there are hands on you, yanking you away from your victim. the red slowly starts to recede, the ringing in your ears subsiding.

it’s only then do you release you’re screaming.

its only then do you see the swollen and bloodied face of your doctor, lying a foot away from you. she sputters a cough, blood leaving her lips and splattering onto the man leaning over her.

“you need to calm down,” a voice speaks into your ear.

“calm down, or they’ll sedate you,” it says, and you finally stop screaming. you take a breath.

clench your fists. unclench. stretch. repeat.

it takes you another minute to calm down enough to realize the person holding you is simon.

the doctor is being carried away now, and you notice it’s johnny and kyle carrying her. you notice john is standing to your left, eyes full of sympathy and guilt as he looks at you.

“get,” you huff, reaching down to slap at the arms circling your middle. “off me.”

simon releases you instantly. you don’t hesitate to put distance between the two of you. a few feet, at least. he just stands there, eyes watching with an expression you can’t place.

“what happened, love?” john’s voice is a soft rumble as he speaks. he moves a hand toward you, but decides against touching you— even if he only wanted to comfort you.

“I—” you start, glancing down at your hands. they’re bloody again.

“I thought it was—” you try again, but stop yourself.

you thought it was what? thought it was who?

you had heard man’s voice speaking to you. your mind had twisted things— had given you something you wanted to hear, deep down— because it gave you the chance to strike.

it gave you the opportunity to tear apart whichever man from the 141 had been there to check on you.

and you know you had wished it was simon.

john takes a cautious step forward at your silence. “let’s get you somewhere private, yeah? somewhere to cool down.”

the fire licking at your veins has subsided in favor of the chill of shame. of terror at what you’ve done— what you’ve done to the one person you had on your side. the person who was truly on your side.

you don’t fight this time. you give a nod, then solemnly follow him down the corridor. simon falls in behind you.

john takes you to his office, opening the door and ushering you inside. you move without protest, stepping into the dark room.

the two men enter behind you, john flicking on the light while simon pulls the door shut. you would’ve laughed at the scenario if you were in your right mind.

but you weren’t.

you weren’t okay. you knew that you weren’t, at least physically, but what you just did…

there was no way you were going to be transferred now. you doubted you would’ve even before you attacked the doctor.

you’re going to be discharged. you understand why.

but it hurts. this is your job, your life. years and years on the battlefield don’t prepare you for life off of it.

“love?”

john’s voice brings you back to the present. you realize you’ve been standing in the center of the room, unmoving and unblinking.

you feel simon’s hard gaze on your back. you want to cry.

how did things ever get this fucked up?

“im fine.” you say, not bothering to turn around. you didn’t trust yourself to keep it together if you faced them.

“you’re not,” john states, and you roll your eyes.

“im not talking about this with you,” you bite out, circling your arms around yourself. “either of you.”

“you should at least talk to someone, love— this isn’t healthy.”

“please, stop.” you tell him, but john was never good at taking orders. he gave them, not followed them.

“you hated the therapist, and you haven’t spoken to anyone else since… everything.” he continues.

“stop, john,” you try again.

“you need to let it out, love. we’re here—”

you spin around then, fists dropping to your sides. “for the love of god, john, shut the fuck up.”

that stuns him into silence, eyes slightly widened and mouth agape as he looks at you. simon doesn’t move from his position near the door.

“you are the last people i would ever fucking talk to! I don’t even want to be talking to you right now, but you won’t stop trying. trying to talk to me, trying to make it up, trying to wriggle your way back into my good graces.”

you pause, sucking in a breath. “johnny must’ve relayed the message, and that’s why you’ve back off a little— but one wrong fucking move and you’re swooping again! you aren’t my dad, you aren’t my lover, you aren’t my friend, and you’re sure as hell not my fucking captain anymore.”

“so please, john, leave me be. the four of you have done enough.”

the room is silent for a beat, then two. then three. and then simon takes a step forward, removes his balaclava, and looks you square in the face.

he doesn’t open his mouth to speak, so you take the chance to.

“don’t start with me, simon. just don’t.”

“the note,” he says. “you read it.”

you just look at him, a disbelieving scoff leaving your mouth as you give a nod. “yes, I read your fucking note. and I saw the stupid flowers, too, after seeing everything else you wrecked. tell me, how long did you wait after you tied me up to tear it all apart?”

he just watches you. you want to scream.

the note flashes back into your mind.

‘hope you can understand.’

“does it make you feel better, thinking what you did was right?” you ask him.

“I wouldn’t have done it differently.” simon tells you.

you clench your fists. unclench. stretch.

breathe in, breathe out.

“and if the roles were reversed,” you said, watching him. “if you were in my position, would you have expected me to do what you did?”

“yes.” he says, without hesitation.

“you’re unbelievable,” you huff. “is that how little I meant to you? all that time, wasted?”

“that’s not what I said.” he tells you, and you shake your head.

“no, but it’s what you meant.” anger is bubbling up again. you feel overwhelmed; shame and fury battling inside you. the ringing building up in your ears again, emerging from the background.

you can’t do this.

“what i meant is what i said.” he takes another step forward. “you’re just too damn stubborn to listen, always have been.”

“just go, simon.” you tell him. “both of you. go.”

“I wouldn’t change what I did,” he says again. “to protect my team, my family, I would do whatever it takes.”

you bite your tongue. you don’t want to keep arguing with him. he was an unmovable object— there was no way to reason with him.

“im not sorry it happened.” he speaks. “i did what i thought i had to do. what i had to do to make sure my team was safe.”

“and you should understand that, considering this team is all you have, too.”

you don’t respond— and even if you were going to, a knock on the door breaks the tense silence in the room.

johnny pops his head in, his eyes full of concern. “doc’s alrigh’.” he says, his gaze catching yours. “jus’ some bumps and bruises. she’ll be jus’ fine.”

“and she uh— said she’s not pressin’ charges or anythin’. says she still expects to see ya in a few days for your check-up.”

that’s what breaks you.

a tear slips from your eye, falling onto your cheek. another follows, then another, and you’re sobbing as you fall to the floor of price’s office.

the three men are staring, but no one makes any move to comfort you.

probably wise, considering what you did to the last person who tried.

you faintly register the click of the door as it shuts again. you don’t look up— your head in your hands as you cry.

cry about what you’ve done, what you’ve lost. mourn your career and your family and your love for the man who doesn’t regret what he did.

unbeknownst to you, simon is the only one still left in the room. his steps are silent as he approaches you— leaving only a foot of space between your bodies now.

he watches you as he sinks to the ground across from you, his long legs folded over each other, the fingers of his left hand twitching as he finds himself wanting to reach for you.

he still cares for you. his feelings for you were what made him do what he did in the first place.

the love he felt for you, twisting into betrayal and hurt and agony. fueling his actions, his desire to hear you admit your wrongdoings.

passion made people dangerous. passion in love, passion in rage. it was a fine line, and simon had crossed it.

he understood what this meant for you. recalls the conversation he had with price earlier— how laswell was planning for your discharge instead of your transfer.

this was the end of your time with them, and in the military. the hands of the 141, damaging one of their own beyond repair.

he finds himself mourning alongside you, then. mourning what was and what could’ve been.

what should have been.

“im sorry for what we did to you,” he says, but it comes out as a whisper that you don’t hear.

“im sorry.”

thank you all again for your patience! I plan on tying this little series up soon :)

as a reminder, I no longer do taglists. if you want to be notified when I post, follow @troiastitans and turn on notifications. I only reblog my works there.

I hope you all enjoyed :)