#it’s always oh you have a mental illness/disorder you obviously can’t be

[myrabbitistrying2killme]

“Bla bla bla bla xyz is only done by MENTALLY ILL people and therefore INVALID” well maybe if you fucking saw us as people-

[jihyoruri]

okay I NEED to talk abt this bc richgirlyn is literally me FORREAL 

so uhh not the analysis I thought I’d be doing but I need to. the other one will be later 

ok tw for eds I guess like this is the entire analysis 

disclaimer. this is all my interpretation as well as my experience. I’ve had an issues w eating since 8 (almost twins!) and it’s been literal years. this is just what I think based on what I’VE seen and done as a girl. I know men can have ed’s but I will be talking abt it from my standpoint, which is hashtag girl. everyone’s experience is different.

key: ana=anorexia, ed=eating disorder 

Ive never dealt with real bulimia so take whatever I say with a grain of salt

okay. here’s why richgirlyn having an ed, specifically how she develops ana as she gets older makes a lot of sense (Ive had a fixation on eds and the way they affect the mind for so long..)

i feel like people forget just how genuinely maddening have an eating disorder is.

most of the time in movies they’re there for laughs and portrayed as “oh she just kinda throws up!”  (heathers, the musical) or “oh she wants to be skinny so bad she js doesn’t eat!” (mean girls) (I love both of them btw they’re just what come to mind)

like that is not what they are like AT ALL

eating disorders are some of the most deadly mental illness there is and because it mostly affects teenage girls and women people literally treat it like something not that serious or a joke it’s actually insane how people do not gaf about it

so anyway.

I feel like if children have issues with food they always start out thinking of purging

it makes sense! if you don’t want calories, just get rid of them.

obviously, it doesn’t work that way, and purging doesn’t even actually work well LMAO most of the calories are absorbed unless u throw up like the second food enters ur mouth like it is not foolproof at all.

but to a child it makes sense. the food is gone so you can’t gain weight

and when you’re a kid your gag reflex is way more sensitive so it’s way easier to vomit. when you get older it’s so much harder

bulimia is not really possible long term for idols because of its side effects which are:

erosion of tooth enamel making them appear clear other than white

sunken in, bulging eyes

swollen cheeks

hair loss 

GERD

also for the fact it doesn’t really help much with not absorbing the calories + the fact that it affects the appearance, which idols need to be perfect, + the fact that it affects your voice, which idols need, and also throwing up is difficult 

much more common in idols is anorexia.

so! actually the side effects of ana aren’t as noticeable if you’re not restricting a lot! at about 700-800 calories max a day I didn’t experience hair loss or getting spots on my skin

It was mostly that I was just tired all the time and kind of irritable. i never experienced any physical effects other than losing weight (didn’t lose much muscle bc most of the cals were protein and I worked out everyday)

anyway

richgirlyn definitely likes control.

we can see how control has been taken from her time and time again— mostly by her dad, making all the decisions while she doesn’t get a say, and later, how her members and the people around her treat her.

eds are about control more than looks. It’s the one safety net, the one thing you can always be good at.

when everything around you is falling apart— you can control what you eat. it’s like an accomplishment. look how low I got the number! I’m so good at this! I’m so disciplined!

It’s like. “no one could ever get as low as me”. It makes you weirdly competitive 

and obviously there’s pressure to be skinny as a trainee. It’s what half of your self worth is based on. so if you can control that? and punish yourself (because as we’ve discussed richgirlyn does NAWT like herself that much) while you’re at it? It’s literally gold

she practices and practices, trying to be good enough, the best, and she doesn’t want to eat. eating is kind of like admitting defeat and saying you’re weak and giving in to the need to have food. 

oh and y’all don’t KNOW what mommy issues do with an ed like.

if losing weight makes someone PROUD? oh you KNOW you’re dropping to size 0 trust like it’s actually insane. I can’t even explain the real insanity that comes with an ed it makes you actually crazy. you start becoming afraid of certain numbers because they look bigger even if it’s not how it works. ex: it’s better to eat 98 cal than 50 because 98 feels “smaller” like it’s CRAZY. the state of mind you have when you’re doing that is really seriously not normal like I know it’s obvious but people don’t GET IT. you become very obsessive and cagey over it like if you eat over a certain limit you will literally either break down or get up and go work out until you think you’re back under and the guilt eats you up inside. richgirlyn is SAUR MEEEE FOR REAL

so ANYWAY richgirlyn having an ed makes sense. specifically ana.

she likes control, she wants something to feel proud about (along with her singing and dancing and rapping abilities), it’s something her mom’s PRAISED HER FOR so you already KNOW when her mom is like “wowww you’ve lost weight!” she is like I’m gonna get so much worse.

and also there has to be a part of her that wants someone to worry. i know she hates being seen as weak but I just know minjeong saying smth like “oh I wondered how u stay thin it’s cause u js don’t eat” made her feel so validated because it’s proof that she’s sick and she’s not okay and she’s not making it up.

I’m very sure her being well off has completely fucked with the idea of her being “allowed” to feel negative emotions. like “I’m rich, I shouldn’t be sad” but with any negative emotion.

and I know she was getting better until she got put in le sserafim I just KNOW especially CURRENTLY?

the stress of her members disliking her makes her feel worse abt her self making her want more control and also there’s this very fucked up part of it where it’s like. the less I eat and the less space I take up the more they’ll like me, they won’t hurt me if they think I’m sick and fragile and GODDD that’s so her. she wants to be strong so bad but sometimes.

anyway it’s 1 am this isn’t a great analysis maybe I’ll circle back to this but I needed to talk about it

I love richgirlyn she’s witerwally me 

-🎏

It’s crazy that everything you just said is so correct like completely correct when it comes to richgirl!yn’s problems.

and because this has been going on since she was ten it’s just a normal routine for her all that girl does is try her best to become better, and because she knows that her image is something that her mother actually pays attention about her, so it’s rlly important to her.

even now that she’s an idol she doesn’t talk to her mom but there’s times when her mom will call her and be like “you look a little different.” and then she’s completely back in that cycle

[stuckinapril]

Basically the person I bullied said some stuff about mental health/trauma recovery which I felt was victim blamy so I was like “hey actually you had the privilege of mental health treatment and therapy for years lol” and they went on this rant about how I obviously choose to be ill and they experienced severe trauma which I would not understand and basically said in such a way in which whatever I experienced must be insignificant in comparison so I was like? I wanna see you suffer for real. Btw I was severely abused in my childhood and suffered my whole life and I have a very severe trauma disorder because of it (the “famous” one in horror films) and I cannot stand the invalidation. Also? I feel like I have a sadistic streak I learned from the abuse, something to do with retaliation/punishment which I wanna kick but my illness makes it complicated. I was an older teen/legal adult when this happened btw

OH MY GOSH okay your friend was so fucked up for invalidating your trauma. Not saying what you did in retaliation was okay, but all around this story really sounds like it has no heroes. What I’ve learned recently is you don’t owe people forgiveness, and no one owes us forgiveness either, but that doesn’t mean we can’t forgive ourselves and move on.

They don’t want to forgive you? Respect their decision and move on. What’s the alternative? Lying down and dying on command? We can’t base our self-perception on how other people feel. The best we can do is live by good values, act according to these values, and just do the best we can. You’re trying to be better. You can’t punish yourself forever. You can’t put your life on pause because someone else doesn’t want you in theirs anymore. Your forgiveness should be your #1 priority. Focus on that—on proving to yourself you’re trying to do better. You also clearly came from a hard background, so you should give yourself some grace. You’re human. Neither of you sounds like they’re good for the other honestly. Maybe in the end staying apart is the best decision for both parties involved.

Feeling no negative feelings, doing right always, making no mistakes, basically being perfect??? That is only sustainable to Disney characters. We are not Disney characters. Sometimes accepting that and moving on is all we can really do.

[iamosirita]

To All The People I Ghosted–Please Let Me Get Back to Life

Disclaimer:

This is not to glorify mental illness. Trust me, you don’t want it–for God’s sake, it’s not cool at all. On the other hand, if you still perceive mental illnesses are just a result of disconnecting from God, you can stop here. Please leave now and pray for us sinners lol. At the moment, I don’t give a crap anymore. Either this post can be a source for you to ‘spill the tea’ among your group of friends, if that makes your hangout session more fun–I don’t mind. I just want to get in touch with the people I care about, again.

 

Long story short, I ghosted most of the people I love for roughly three years, thanks to the major depression and anxiety–and now I just want to get back to life. Well, nothing says "I missed you" like a three-year vanishing act, right?

When It All Started

Let’s rewind to 2020. Remember that tiny old friend called COVID? Ah, can’t believe it was 4 years ago already. Months of getting stuck at home, 2021 was when it all started. I began pulling myself away from a few close friends, though at first, it was quite on and off. When the pandemic hit, with everyone still unsure when we are getting back to normal again, managing life felt like trying to juggle flaming swords while riding an analog unicycle–obviously I am not the only one experiencing this. That period of time was such a disruption, it was just too much to navigate. 

Working from home was  fun–for about five minutes. Then it just became a constant state of fatigue. It’s like, “Oh great, I get to live at work now. Awesome.” Everything was exhausting. I remember I used to lay down on the floor, give it a nice and loud grunt–right away every time I finished my online meeting. You must have done something like this, too. But no, that’s just not the worst, yet. 

Early 2022 rolled around, I didn't expect I would get such a major event at that time, later I found out it was just an accumulation of all the crap. One day I vomited so hard while having an awful emotional outburst–which led me to finally decide to go to a therapy, for the first time ever. And you guessed it right, I puked, again, after the session. The therapist was like, “You have symptoms of depression.” She suggested that I have follow up sessions regularly. And I was like (obviously I said this in my head lol), “Oh, you’re kidding me.” 

For a moment after that, I tried to get back into the swing of things. I felt like I could rejoin the land of the living–though obviously, with some assistance, being aware that there’s the ‘handle with care’ sticker on my forehead and I gotta do some homework from my therapist at the moment lol. 

So I started seeing more people again. Finally the stupid Covid started to be manageable as most countries were gradually opening their borders again–which means, we’ll get to see people physically, again! Yeay!

But then BAM! A big family incident. Depression hit harder, it caught me totally off guard. By mid to late 2022–which then got re-ascertained after getting another assessment with a different clinical psychologist again last year–I got the official diagnosis: Major Depressive Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder. Great, I’ve always wanted a title. Now I don’t need to be FOMO, I joined the trend! Oh, Life is so colorful. Congratulations, Retmi!

What Happened to Me (In a Nutshell)

In short, I started getting more frequent outbursts. Ahh, my life was just so cool! 

I come from the very generation that’s quite well aware of mental illnesses but I never realized that it’s real lol. It is real fun! Having to vomit. Experiencing such derealisation. Feeling such terrible nausea–and even vomiting every time I get to see people, especially in person. I kept blaming COVID for this for quite a while. Not being able to do things due to those awful bad thoughts and sadness–like showering (my record was 2 weeks); eating (this wasn’t new, don’t worry indigestion and heartburn has been my friend); even reaching my water bottle ON MY BEDSIDE when I was literally FEELING so THIRSTY (This happened a lot of times and I would curse myself every time); including doing businesses in the toilet. Fun fact, I peed on my pants a few times, even got the urinary infection as a result of frequently holding the urge to pee–what a great week, having to keep going with lyfe trying to hold the pain without any medication, because I got rejected to have antibiotic pills from the pharmacy due to my depression. Instead, I was suggested to get a GP consultation for antibiotic prescription. Awesome. I indeed got so much money after spending so much to go back and forth, from the regular therapy, to GPs, and even Radiology and Pathology clinic to get USG mammogram scan and biopsy for my breast tumors—that was previously getting so much sickeningly painful—doctors suggested we need to ensure as they might be cancerous but turned out the awful pain was due to my depression and anxiety, too. Great. Oh, how I love being this cool. That’s why I then got these cutie little pills to help every time I feel like getting the outburst, otherwise my little tumor friends would scream. And so painkiller pills began to be my everyday best friends. Can’t believe I got to this phase of life, I never felt as cool before, really. 

I Am The Ghost

So from around mid 2022 I started ghosting everyone. Parents? Never told them. Friends? Poof, gone. I pulled myself out, I was the one who disappeared, to be exact. I got a new private contact number so I didn’t have to deal with such a long list of unread messages, especially in Whatsapp groups. Social media? Vanished. On Instagram, I started posting on my close friends only, to not posting at all. Later on I gradually hid my followers so they wouldn’t be able to see any of my story posts. From nearly 3k followers, to merely 60ish people. Basically deleting followers, but in silence—I didn’t want people to find out how I was doing. Yes—this bitj thought she’s that important and people do care about her lol. 

So all those apps, I was as active as a rock. I still keep checking on you guys, but I just knew y’all aren’t as cool as me anymore. Hehe.

Work? Oh, it was a joy. For the record, I don’t know how to swim, for real. And trying to stay motivated when you’re depressed is like trying to swim—through solid, thick, spicy sambal kacang. Well, I love sambal, but no one would want to be drowned in it, obviously. 

I am the ghost. I spent my time in my room, most of the time, isolating myself from people. You know, practicing for the ‘Anak Kos Sejati’ championship. However, I feel like I also got some ghosts continuously chasing me lol. During this period, I remember vividly, around May to August last year, I frequently had this bizarre visualization. It felt like I was stuck in the darkest, most confusing labyrinth, barely able to see anything, let alone move a single finger–This always made it hard to breathe and left me feeling nauseous. I felt like it’s so much worse than any of Joko Anwar’s horror movies–lol, he should consider hiring me as a horror consultant, I bet. I was scared all the time. I felt like my life had just ended and I could do nothing about it. Most of the time, I kept convincing myself I have died, at least figuratively. Or, I might better just go die, literally.

My Castles Crumbling

Yes, just like Mother Taylor Swift would say lol. 

I really had a hard time adjusting. I had the shiniest wheels but they’re rusting. 

Oh damn, guess I can safely say I am a true Swiftie, as I’ve experienced exactly what she writes(?) 

Yet, if you’re wondering whether I got to deal with such s*icidal thoughts whatsoever that commonly come hand in hand with major depression–no. I was convinced I would never get anything like those destructive ideas. Since the very beginning, every time my therapist (I met 3 therapists in total, btw) gave me questions related to it, I would firmly answer no. 

I am pretty sure I am still able to think rationally so I would never think of hurting myself, let alone anything worse than that–well, though I’m not sure about other assessment questions that might lead to the real answer that I might not be aware of. All I said was I constantly wish that I could just get some fatal illness like severe COVID or just let these tumors kill me quickly, without me having to be a burden to people around. 

I was pretty sure I would never have such stupid thoughts, ever–until mid 2023, I finally had it. It really came so casually effortless, and I didn’t even realize that was a form of s*lf-harm thoughts. It was July last year, I unconcernedly thought of trying to c*t my wrist, just to see how painful it is. Obviously it was during quite an outburst, but I was just quite used to dealing with them so I thought that was just my common anxiety and depression attack–until I talked to Yaya. (btw, Yaya is the one who’s been around since day one, helping me navigate every time I need help. p.s please do pray for her she’s so close to becoming a clinical psychologist now and I’m shoo proud!). I didn’t know whether I should be relieved to be able to talk about it before doing it. Trust me it really freaked me out, I never knew I would be so scared of my own thoughts since that day. My therapist then suggested that I stop cooking for a while to be safe. I didn’t touch kitchen knives for about a week, ensured I had the lifeline number handy, and trust me I still couldn’t believe I got to experience that fear of my own thoughts–until today. 

Retmi? Having self-harm thoughts? 

Told you, I’ve really changed to one of those cool TikTok kids and we’re just not the same anymore. Bye-bye friends, we’re not in the same league, I really need to withdraw myself from you guys lol. 

Why Did I Ghost You

Did I want to ghost you? Obviously not. 

Ghosting was my instinctive survival mechanism. It wasn’t you, it was me. I needed space to navigate. Sorry for disappearing, like that worst ex of yours. Not being able to celebrate your big days, stop listening to your stories when I know you must need someone to talk to. I have been too drained dealing with myself, barely able to keep sane through days, weeks, months, it is really excruciating. 

By the end of 2023, I finally told my parents what was going on. That was another significant period of the depression journey. Another fun fact, I made several drafts of the script (lol, gotta be well-prepared, right?) before finally talking to them. I then waited until I felt calm enough so I wouldn’t have an emotional blow-up.

But still, I vomited. Yep, full-on drama. lol. 

It took me years to accept that I have depression and anxiety. Just like how I’ve been disappearing the whole time, I wished they would one day magically vanish so I could get back to the people I care about. Spoiler alert: they didn’t vanish. Slowly, very slowly, I’m now in the process of trying to live with them. I can’t keep running away forever.

What I Want Now

Now I feel better. I still take my pills sometimes when needed. I get some outbursts and physical pains a few times in a while but not as frequent anymore. I started learning to listen to my body. I started picking up a new hobby. I feel like I’m slowly getting my self-esteem back, piece by piece. Putting things back in their places, including reconnecting with the world and the people I care about. Because, surprise, I actually missed you all.

I’m writing this to explain my absence. Obviously not to be pitied, oh that’s the worst thing I could imagine, please, please, please, don't bring me to tears when I just did my makeup so nice–lol you sing you lose! 

But please, again, don’t do that. I’m giving you this very brief summary of what has happened–in such a tone–if you happened to notice lol–so that you can see I am really getting better now–don't want you to pity me–and so I won’t need to explain myself again to you. I don’t know exactly how to start, yet, but when I finally say ‘Hi!’ to you again, I hope I don’t need to answer your “How are you?” in a very elaborated way, because in short, I am now fine! 

To everyone I ghosted, I’m sorry. It wasn’t about you; it was all about me. 

I’m trying to come back to life now, like a zombie with a self-improvement plan. 

I hope we can reconnect, and I promise I won’t disappear again. Unless there’s another pandemic, in which case, all bets are off. Thanks for understanding, or at least pretending to. 

Thank you, goodnight!

9 Jul 2024

[singrate]

Charlie Spring is Also Autistic

A little while ago I made this post about Nick Nelson being autistic and got a handful of requests for one about Charlie because, well, obviously. So here it is.

First of all:

I'm sure you agree.

This post won’t be as long as the Nick one because quite frankly I am trying not to ramble. Once again referencing the webcomic and the series. 

TW: very brief mention of OCD & eating disorders

The Converse collection. And the knitwear collection. Even the skinny jeans. He always wears the same jumper/jeans or button up/t-shirt/jeans combination. I just know he rotates through wearing all of his jumpers because he doesn’t want any of them to be left out.

The jumpers are definitely a sensory thing, too — in the part about their wardrobes at the end of Volume 2 Alice mentions that he loves anything ‘snuggly and oversized.’

Both in the webcomic and the series, Charlie’s ‘misfit’ status is fairly important to his character, regardless of whether or not he’s popular. Even though he fits in well with his friends, there’s something that makes him quite distinctly different from everyone around him.

His special interests are indie/alternative music, classic literature and ancient history, especially Roman and Greek. 

Drumming is a stim for him. At the start of S01E02, right after that delightful encounter with Ben, and in the scene with Tori in S01E08, it’s fairly clear he’s using it as a way to process and release his emotions.

When he wears headphones on the bus… yeah. Stressed, anxious; much more likely to be overstimulated. 

Pattern recognition: he picks up pretty early on that Nick probably isn’t straight and nobody else around him believes him.

Mental illnesses like OCD and anorexia are commonly comorbid with autism.

His resting face. That’s all.

Actually, that’s not all. These too:

There's so many more of these but I don't have the energy to find screencaps for all of them right now. Also, getting home from school and immediately collapsing on his bed.

The wave in S01E01 and S01E06 when saying bye to Nick. Can’t find screencaps but you know the one.

And the little giggle after Nick tackles him and says, “Well done!”

His sense of humour is exactly the sort of offbeat sarcasm a lot of autistic people use. “Oh, she left, long ago!” (S01E01) (same vibe as Tori asking, “Was he a knob?” because obviously Tori is also autistic and I find the similarities between these two so wonderful), “I’m not hiding.” “Then what are you doing?” “Eating lunch.” (S01E01)

Saying sorry a lot. First of all, he’s not sure when it’s appropriate/necessary to apologise and when it isn’t. Secondly, it seems like a form of masking — he is likely aware of his tendency to miss social cues but doesn’t know which ones he’s missing and apologises as a way to compensate.

There is just something very autistic to me about the way he delivers his monologues — to Nick in S01E04, staring at the floor the whole time, hello??, to Ben in S01E01 and S01E08, just very impassioned and earnest, but still kind of monotone. Yeah.

A lot of his lines from the series that people (mostly on Tiktok) find cringe are just like… things that an autistic teenager would say? S01E01 after Nick’s pen explodes when he says, “You should make it the new school fashion!”, S01E01 when he’s confronting Ben: “Thanks for telling me. Oh wait… you didn’t”, “Why are we like this??”, the ‘gay panic’ lock screen, I’ll probably think of more of these later because Heartstopper Tiktok does not deserve Charlie.

Isolating himself when he’s struggling socially because dealing with anybody, even his close friends, is just too much. I think that one is fairly universal for autistic people.

Just want to add that Joe Locke did such a good job of bringing Charlie to life. His delivery is literally perfect and I will not ever shut up about this.

Anyway, feel free to add stuff!

[damonjuicyscock]

The New Singer-Chapter 7 (Dilf! Damon Albarn X Reader)

Pairing: Dilf ! Damon Albarn X Reader

Warnings: Language, Angst, Smut (P in V sex, it's jealous sex guys), Maybe some spelling mistakes.

Words: 1794

Summary: You now live with Damon, and you feel good together. But one night on a private birthday party, you feel insecure and Jealous of Kali Uchis.

A/N: Hello everyone ! Sorry for being late, here's chapter 7, it's short, but it's a really smutty one. The fan fic is almost over, already, yes. This one is shorter than the first one(it's on a short time-lapse and I'm not a seer for the future lol). I received my dear anon and emo girl requests, I'll be working on it as soon as I passed my exams, I promise ! I'll also start working on the 90's Liam fan fic. To warn you, this fan fic will be a bit particular because I decided to add a touch in it. As I previously revealed, I suffer from Borderline Personality disorder and maybe some of you are diagnosed with the same mental illness. So I decided that in the 90's Liam fan fic, reader will have BPD as well. It'll probably be out in May, which is the BPD awareness month, and I hope it will raise awareness, to stop the stigma around our condition.

Anyway, enjoy this chapter !

Living with Damon was a blessing. I was eating fine, him being a really good cook, I always had breakfast ready on the morning with a rose, and a cute word. Some mornings, I was awake by Damon going down on me, and oh God, how I loved these mornings. Some mornings, it was my turn. I had him for myself. Or so I thought, because I still had competition. Or so, I also thought.

During a private gig for a birthday, Kali Uchis was there to sing She’s my collar with Damon. I strictly have nothing against her, but I was still insecure. Let’s say she was wearing something… really sexy on this birthday.

What if I tell you an outfit made of lace and transparent, the only things hidden being her breasts and her womanhood? Yeah, that’s what she was wearing. It suited her really well indeed, what man would look the other way in such cases?

Not that I’m jealous when Damon looks at another woman, I’m not going to gouge his eyes out for this. But when the look is insistent, and he keeps putting himself on his knees when singing with her… Nah, made me feel insecure.

This was the night to start making him feel jealous as well, and to flirt with someone. And whom better than someone about your age like Sam Fender who was there?

Sam and I already met previously in an afterparty. We both sat together, and he was even the one starting to flirt with me. Damon had to taste his own medicine, even if I was doing worse. We didn’t kiss, certainly not, but a few times, Sam laid his hand on my thigh. And oh, Damon didn’t like this.

Damon approached us while I was laughing.

Y/N, we’re leaving.

What? Why? I’m having fun! seems like you do too with Kali! I answered, still smiling

Because it’s time to leave young woman.

And who said that? My dad?

Because I’m your ride.

Oi man, I can be her ride too if needed! Sam said

She already has one. Damon said, with a dark look

Sam had obviously made a sexual remark us three understood, and Damon made him understand that I was already “riding him”.

Oh okay, you should go then Y/N.

But I’m having fun!

You… really should go Y/N, we’ll see each other another time. Sam insisted

I sighed and got up.

Alright. See ya Sam.

See ya Y/N.

I followed Damon who took a quick walking pace that in fact… I couldn’t follow.

Damon! Damon wait for me!

Oh? And why so? Huh? He said, stopping in front of me

Oh come on, you started first!

I didn’t do anything!

Oh you sure about that? What about Kali, huh?

What the fuck are you talking about? I can’t understand anything! He said, lost

Your insistent look, getting on your knees in front of her… Isn’t it enough?

Damon laughed at me.

It’s purely stage acting Y/N, it means nothing!

Maybe for you! But to me… It was something else.

We got in front of his car.

Get in the fucking car, right now Y/N. He said, dryly

You don’t have to give me any orders. I answered

I won’t repeat myself Y/N. Get. In. The. Fucking. Car.

Less to say, I was literally shitting in my pants, because I was the one who got in trouble in all this.

I got in the car and no word was pronounced during the whole long but quick car ride. Damon was driving fast, I never saw him so angry, or driving this quick.

When we arrived, I didn’t even have the time to open the door that Damon was grabbing my wrist hardly, closing my car door behind him, and taking me to our place.

Damon, you’re hurting me.

Hurting you like you hurt me tonight?

What?

You heard me Y/N.

He opened the door and slammed it behind him.

Can we talk calmly?

You want me to be calm? What the hell was it all about with Fender, huh? What game were you fucking playing at? He yelled

Don’t you dare shouting at me or I’ll leave.

I can’t be calm after what you did tonight!

You can’t be calm? Perfect! I’ll do the same then! The game I was playing was exactly the same as you on this fucking stage!

I told you it was just stage acting for fuck’s sake!

The way you acted and was looking at her was not stage acting Damon!

Fucking tell me the name of the song we’re singing with Kali. Say it out loud!

She’s my collar.

EXACTLY! So how do you want me to act, huh? As if I wasn’t singing the song for real? For me to stand still on the stage as if I was singing the fucking choirs of my own fucking song?

I didn’t say…

Leave it. I’m tired, I’m going to sleep.

I beg your pardon? We’re not done having this conversation Damon!

I am. But about you… I don’t know. Maybe you don’t love me enough.

Don’t you dare playing the one who’s insecure when the one who was on his knees for a woman this night wasn’t me you daft fuck!

And now you’re insulting me? Watch out Y/N, you don’t know the angry Damon.

I approached him and stood in front of him.

And what are you going to do then? Slap me? I dare you.

Our eyes looked at each other’s for a few seconds before Damon’s lips slammed on mine.

I melted in the kiss, his tongue asking for entrance. I let him. Our tongues danced together in a passionate and hot kiss.

You wanted me to be jealous huh ? You little brat. He said before latching his lips in my neck, making me moan

You deserved it. Y-You tasted your own medicine.

Damon pushed me against the wall, grabbing my arms and settling them in top of my head.

He was the one having me, he would be in charge tonight.

He kept kissing my neck, leaving some hickeys in the process, and came back to my lips. I felt his hands go under my dress and tug at the sides of my undies, sliding them off in a row. I wanted to unbuckle his belt.

Leave your arms where I put them. He said

I obeyed and he unbuckled them on his own, sliding his jeans along with his boxers.

He gave taps on my thighs, indicating me to jump so I could wrap my legs around his waist. I did and he slammed inside me without warning and didn’t leave me time to adjust to his size.

He started thrusting inside me mercilessly.

You’re mine, you’re hearing me ? Mine. Say it.

Damon…

Say it !

I’m yours Damon, I’m only yours !

His rapid pace was almost unbearable, I could take it and at the same time it was hurting me. But that’s what you get when you make Damon Albarn jealous. And somehow, it’s not very unpleasant.

Soon, he started hitting my G-spot, which made me scream in pleasure.

What is it baby girl ? You can’t take it ? But you would have been able to take Sam huh ?

N-No !

Who does this pussy belongs to ?

Y-Y-You !

Good.

D-Damon…

What ?

I-I-I-I love you !

Oh, do you ?

I fucking love you !

Prove it.

I kissed him and felt myself contract around him making him curse under his breath.

This man was my life and he would also be my death. He was fucking me into oblivion, making me his, showing me his love when I treated him like shit. But though, what he did pissed me off. I felt I wasn’t only his when he put himself on his knees in front of Kali as if he was worshipping her. I wanted to be the only one he worshipped. My insecurity was shit and I wished I could go over it. Damon must have felt so betrayed when I was with Sam and now, I was feeling guilty. I started crying while I was reaching my high, and Damon stopped his actions.

Hey, baby, I’m sorry, did I hurt you ?

No. But I did. I answered, out of breath

He passed his fingers through my hair.

It’s okay, you’re forgiven. I love you Y/N, I really do. But don’t you ever do this to me again, please.

I won’t.

He thrusted in me again, slower than before, showing me love.

Don’t feel insecure, you’re safe with me, and I love you Y/N. I love you so much, I’ll never hurt you. He said

He kissed me passionately again.

You are so beautiful, and you made me want you all night. God, you don’t know what you’re doing to me.

And now he was worshipping me. Everything I needed.

His pace quickened again, but not like before. It was passionate, also what I needed.

I felt the heat invade my body. Damon’s thrusts were becoming sloppier.

Damon…

I know baby, me too. Let go.

I let this familiar heat invade my whole body, my insides clenching around him, my back arching against the wall and my legs trembling around his waist.

Damon pounded inside me a few times more before he let out a harsh grunt and a few moans, spilling his hot cum inside me, painting my walls.

I felt him tremble, trying to still hold my legs in his arms while he was kissing me and trying to catch his breath, just like I was doing.

He finally let go of my legs, putting me on my feet, my legs still shaking.

Don’t ever think that I don’t love you enough Damon, I love you too much. I just wanted you to react.

I know. I’m sorry too for making you feel bad. But please, just understand it is pure stage acting. I don’t feel anything for anybody else than you. I’ll soon be leaving to write Gorillaz’s new album. I want you to come with me. Will you ?

Of course I will.

And don’t ever think I don’t love you enough too.

I won’t.

[supercorp-hosie]

My thoughts for Legacies 315:

1) for the Star Wars, I have no knowledge about it, I saw some parallels of characters after the episode, it seems accurate, but I still have no idea why Hope’s characters in it didn’t even have a backstory or name lmao. I’m just overall unfazed;

2) the background of the trio and Alaric! There are like so much to address and I don’t know how to fully share my thoughts in-depth organisedly. I’ll try;

3) facts first: so it’s canon that Lizzie’s mental problem is diagnosed at earliest 11, but specific time unknown;

4) Jed activated his curse earliest at 11, since Lizzie had a crush on him for two weeks. I mean who would’ve thought that, common headcannons seem to incline on Josie x Jed tho😂. That just doesn’t randomly cross my mind🤣. Anyway, it doesn’t deny that Jed and Josie could be a thing too, since the twins often have the tendency to crush on the same person? I’m feeling like 60% of the time? I mean they obviously have the same preferences for LI, bad girl or bad boy type, anyone? Rafael, Sebastian, Jed, Jade, Penelope, Hope, Finch. They kind of have this thing with new people to their lives, for Josie, Rafael, Finch, Jade(it’s arguable but I think people tend to have a whole new lens when reconnecting with a disappeared person in your life for years when you’re very young. The perspectives are not the same, like you’re meeting a new person especially you don’t really know them before);

5) especially Lizzie, she definitely has a thing for new people that seems like bad boy/girl. I emphasised on the new people here bc I don’t think ethan is exactly that type, it’s just how Lizzie imagine him to be in that AU. Raf, Sebastian, Ethan....(maybe Jed was new when she crushed on him too, who knows), more specifically, it’s Strangers to Lovers trope for her romance department, so she can imagine as much as she wants and have the wildest dreams (bgm intended). Maybe Josie’s it’s not as much like this considering we don’t know how Posie happened, and with Hope her crush is canon when she was 12, but we don’t know how long exactly the crush was and when did it started, I just have to count that not being new person into her life. But I do get that why Josie said Lizzie always get the boy/girl Josie crushed on too, mostly they have the same type and preferences. Though they can randomly blurt out characters that we all don’t even know as more solid examples.;

6) Alaric and the fact of him being quite an absent father since the twins were 11 is solid canon. I understand the need to care for Hope because the world can’t afford a tribrid went uncared for and went around killing people, but still, the different perspectives of Hope and Lizzie to Alaric are very sad. To think that your father would betray you for another child, is very sad, even for Lizzie, the more dramatic one. So I understand that Caroline wasn’t there for the twins either, another absent parent. About the mother figure being diminished here, I’ll address it in another point. What’s left for Lizzie? Josie.

7) So basically Josie had to handle herself and Lizzie’s all by her own? That’s very hard! My BFF is bipolar, we are not living together, but before, my whole situation [for being in love with her + her situation] had really been hard for me too. I couldn’t imagine what’s it’s really like for Josie. (Another point that I need to address is the real mental problem that Lizzie has) Sure Alaric might not always be absent, but the intensity of Lizzie’s perspective begs to differ. Josie had to understand what is Bipolar at a very young age; had to be there for Lizzie when she had her outburst; had to be the one constantly check on Lizzie whether she had taken her meds; had to digest the emotion impacts from Lizzie after the outburst; had to understand how Lizzie functioned when she was down. None of that are easy, and there’s no one there to ask of what Josie really feels. How Josie pent out? What does she need? Josie might feel the need to be not wanting things and always be good so that she can get the love from Alaric (I remember in season 1, Josie felt the need to lose the game to get on Alaric good side) . So she just started to suppress her voice and her needs, because Lizzie need them the most. Over time or years of suppressing in front of her dearest family, she most likely felt unneeded by her parents, and forgettable to her parents(the girl that’s so quiet that her parents forget about her, the girl that Penelope won’t fight for anymore). She needed to feel needed, so she just let Lizzie take all of her, from whom she felt needed the most. So all of these from Josie’s perspectives, it started a vicious cycle for the twins. And leads to how the twins dynamics and how Josie are in present days. But her problem was never solved, they just accumulated day by day, year by year, leaving the good and dark side from Josie being so separated and unbalanced. The inner turmoil is always there. These lead to the extreme polarity of Josie’s good and bad side. When she’s doing bad, Josie would be especially aggressive than she needed to be because that’s an instinct to compensate the lack of action before. After long suppression, once being released, the instinct would be stronger than usual and harder to get it under control. Under the influence of dark magic, Dark Josie felt like another personality inside Josie here to take over the whole Josie and protect their interests that true Josie are neglecting. Kind of like dissociative identity disorder but not really it?? It’s just an understanding that I’ve been wanting to express, but so hard to organise it, because it’s so complex. By this understanding, I do still think that Josie should still be held accountable for her actions, even when dark magic was influencing her, like even people with mental health illness should be instituted and lost their freedom. I just think that it’s not fair to think she’s straight up very evil and do nothing good for people. It’s not like she’s being dark for no reason at all. This just mean that the dog that doesn’t bark can be more harmful than people think. These doesn’t mean that when Josie goes dark, she doesn’t deserve any leniency at all while holding her accountable. (And it’s not like she’s not beating herself up for most of the things she had done) Oh and sure, Josie should do the healthy way of voicing out these needs and all, to encourage a healthy dynamics between them like she’s the only healthy one between them, but still the problem is, they both lack the environment and guidance to make a healthy working relationship between themselves. How could they know what is healthy when the environment was already lack thereof.

8) Reading Lizzie’s diaries is bad, I understand, because you literally need to understand what leads to what, to gain control when your life is a chaos, but still. It’s even worse when you have that need to confide in another person to get things out wrongly. (I was having a phone call during the diary sharing review, but this is what I vaguely get) a) Josie is confiding the contents very specifically to another person that Hope can somehow reconstruct a sequel to it? b) Josie chose the wrong place to confide it since when she gets emotional, people can probably hear what was shared. At least from what I guess I got, it isn’t stated that she spread it to the whole school nor it was spread to the whole, even if that’s the case, it may not be on purpose, and she chose the wrong person to confide in. Like about the reveal in 112, she made up that Hope talking bad about Lizzie to the whole school, but it doesn’t mean that she spread it nor the whole school actually knows. Another case is, even if the school knows, it could easily be known by any passerby to Lizzie outburst and spread in the school. From what we saw from 101, the kitchen is a public space, the utensils and cutleries breaking should be very alarming, and there are students with intensified senses in the school. By that fact itself, it doesn’t really help Lizzie in being discreet of her illness. Still, sharing your sister’s diaries after reading it is really bad. But I do get that, sometimes you really need to talk to someone that know some of the situation but don’t really know the person in question to recalibrate yourself. But that person have to be like the dead end of all school gossip but not close to Lizzie, so it can do no harm (because he/she/they literally have no use to talk to someone with all these, usually there’s this no name policy, but with Lizzie being her sister, it’s useless hiding, maybe) when you disclose something related to her pertaining your own issues. Josie should apologise for sharing Lizzie diaries, even if Hope was not meant to know that, despite her werewolf hearing. For the reading part, did we get the apology tho? I guess we had? If negative, apologies needed.;

9) From Lizzie perspective, we can see her does Josie wrong but didn’t apologise either. Like Lizzie being princess but Josie being her android, personalised valet? It just showed that during that period of time(specifically from when until when tho, that’s a question), after what Josie had been enduring, taking care of her, Lizzie thought of herself being princess but didn’t actually think Josie as her equal? Like how the Android was programmed to bow to Lizzie? That’s just the habit of the twins dynamic showing, also partly Josie mistake, but Josie does deserves to be perceived as more than that, even when she’s derogatory to herself, Lizzie should uphold that for her. Their dynamics is just sad because it’s not entirely the twins fault, it’s also due to the absent parents in the household, they didn’t know better, they can only depend on each other. They’re orphaned like Hope in a way when their parents are still present. Even though they have privileges as Alaric’s daughters, but that doesn’t help with their real situation. This is just a perfect example of how your family shaped you, but we can still fight to shape ourselves after the power that our parents have over us gradually diminished, like how they’re starting to shape themselves more now as they’re coming to age.

10) What really warms me from the Android situation, despite Josie feeling like she’s being degraded the whole time, a subject to Lizzie, is that from how Josie is the combination of two Androids, also shows that how Lizzie actually looked up to Josie. Maybe it’s not addressed, but I see that. For Lizzie, Josie can really do so much things for her, take care of her so closely that Lizzie can count Josie as her personal valet. Derogatory, yes, but that place is also very important to prince and princess, bc they can literally do nothing to take care of their daily lives themselves well, like Merlin for Arthur (I mean the actions, not the presumably romantic relationship). Without Merlin, Arthur life is a mess! And the knowledge for Android part, it means that in Lizzie’s mind, Josie actually is like the person who knows everything😂 usually that figure should be our parents😭, but for Lizzie, it’s Josie, like she knows the answer to all. It’s sad and warming at the same time. Just more appreciation will do! And the fact that the special sword that they’re finding the whole time was in Josie’s thigh, just show how the trust that Lizzie had in Josie, not even their parents can triumph it, because Josie was the one being there the whole time. So they really deserves each other despite all the shitty things they have done to each other.

11) about Lizzie mental illness, I was recommended a post informing people about how Legacies fucked up Lizzie’s illness. After my own research, I do agree with the OP, I think that Lizzie situation is more like borderline personality disorder rather than bipolar, but that doesn’t make the whole situation easy. I can provide the table I made the next time regarding that.

12) Hope being Lizzie’s villain is really fitting, lmao, the intensity of Alaric care for Hope is so much that even Lizzie thought that Alaric would betray the twins for Hope.

13) I like Hope’s look. Josie being the Android that malfunction sometimes is funny too, especially when Josie is angry the whole time, cuz it’s infuriating too🤣🤣

14) Hope and Josie during Lethan kiss is me. How they’re totally in the same team when Lizzie being like that? Hosie are both wary of their characters and backstory? Hosie rights. Hhhhhh, oh Hope might be jealous of Ethan😂 Hizzie rights.

15) Another Hizzie rights, Hope wrote a sequel to Lizzie fanfic. And..... is Hope officially a nerd too???? I can’t! Hhhhh but maybe not, or else Hope would have known who she was.

16) Lizzie says, maybe deep down I still feel that you’re the chosen one (IN HER OWN STORY)

17) Younger Hope kind of break my heart more. It’s so sad😭😭 how she’s in denial of their parents death, and blame it on herself.....no baby. How Hope just have to tell herself all that again. And about Hope being scavenger, I think it’s fitting too. Her life, like the twins, is in pieces too. She had to pick them up herself, and build a world where her heart and hope can rest safely, and that just make her not mad at Josie burning down her room gayer. She was so closed up to herself that her room is like another world for her. So forgiving Josie just because of her crush, is like Josie and her crush on Hope meant the world to her???? Hosie rights! Anyway, Josie still messed up with that.

18) Having Younger Hope saying those things to Josie, oh my heart! Josie is a protector for Hope! Hosie rights! And Hope knowing the truth to stop Lord Marshall! Malivore, and Josie just stop talking because she doesn’t want to encourage Hope to die😍😍 Younger Hope actually wants to be best friends with the twins!!!!

19) Hope literally just stop growing taller after 12/13 like I did, is fact! And I’m comforted by that, sorry not sorry, lmao!

20) For real I don’t understand why Hope is suddenly full tribrid at the end. When she fights with Malivore.

21) The gun fight and sword fight is so weird! It’s like the gunners don’t know how to shoot at all, like they’re in slow motion, difficultly level easy to the audience, it’s so fake. I’m for Hope being badass, but it seems like the show doesn’t know how to portray a good fight scene. The sword fight is like in slow motion. And if Hope is to combine magic with sword fighting, she should combine them more. I don’t feel she’s badass at all, cuz it’s literally level easy😑

22) Star Wars AU have brought up so many childhood unresolved for the trio to understand each other more and be a better team. I love them ended up being all supportive and the panda promise🤣🤣 I love that the twins just agree not to let Hope die like that. But they’re like promise that a little later than Cleo and Landon? My team Sowanby! Applause to Handon, but please don’t be together again! Strike three, no is no!

23) for MG, Jed, Kaleb, they really need to make up with each other, I’m glad that they finally made it. And Kaleb being jealous of Methan? Lmao! And MG didn’t even say Ethan name? I love Maleb bonding, and MG never left his man behind!! Another things is, what’s wrong with those boys fighting scenes? We saw them throwing valuables to distract the monster again?! What if the keys are damaged? How are you going to go home? Oh and Jed being useful!

24) Jed last name is Tien, 田/填 in Chinese, I’ve shared enough in my other post. But still WE DONT ACTUALLY HAVE JED FIRST NAME! Give us that!

25) Still, I don’t understand how the wendigo is not dead yet. And how come it’s defeated by fire this time??

26) I don’t quite actually know what’s happening with Dorian. Is he okay? I bet he is, so Emma is coming back, right? Based off what the conversation is? We need Emma, really.

27) regarding Emma, is the lack of mother figure that I want to address when stating the twins dynamic. I don’t actually know a lot from TVD or TO, I just happen to know some general things and snippets from edits. But I know Hayley’s words before she dies, like “I’m not going to teach my daughter it’s okay to let people she loves die” and paint art, have at least one epic love? But for real, in legacies, all I get for Hayley is 103, Josie paying her respects, but none other than that. It’s all Klaus. I believe that Hayley is an important figure to Hope too. But she’s not mentioned enough, it’s kind of erasing her impact on Hope?? Like Caroline too, we get her phone calls, the twins trip to Europe to treat their problems off-screen, the letter for Lizzie in 302, the recommendation for Lizzie to go to the witch retreat, but not vetted by Alaric.....yes she get all these and Jo Laughlin being there in 106 (I cried so hard). But still the mother figure is still being minimised. Like in Lizzie’s fanfic there’s never a place for Caroline? How surreal? It doesn’t make sense. (I understand the actress is just not returning). But still these doesn’t change the fact that the show is lacking a mother figure as a whole. Emma should be that.

28) Clarke!!! Like it’s predictable! But what’s unpredictable is that he went straight to shower🤣🤣🤣 I love his snarkiness! Clarke meeting Hope half naked! Holarke! Hhhhhh

I’m too tired, sharing this episodes thoughts is exhausting me. There must be something I left out, please feel free to remind me!

[casnextdoor]

SOUNDS OF PEOPLE

a/n; this is NOT a full chapter .,, or anything like that .,, its just a lil piece ig . also .,, i am a criminology major and i minor in psychology .,, so this story is completely self indulgent . that being said ….,

warnings; ot7 are ALL mentally ill in one way or another, yoongi specifically has a personality disorder and is narcissistic so he’s a dick, the only word i can think of to describe ot7 is yandere (???), i don’t really know but its .,, hectic. hectic-ness under the cut.

————————————

“Hyung, let's play a hypothetical situation out right now. How would we, hypothetically, get Y/n to travel the world with us?” Hoseok’s heart had been racing and fingers twitching all night after the conversation in the diner. He’d become really good at hiding or escaping anxiety attacks in public, but Yoongi always seemed to know how to bring him to the verge of panic.

“Well! The way we do it is… we just don’t tell her!” Yoongi pushed his feet into the ground from his seat on one of the swings, pushing off with a dramatic and obviously sarcastic whoop of excitement. Sweat prickled up on the back of Hoseok’s neck as his brows furrowed -- a dead giveaway that he wasn’t at all entertained.

“Oh, c’mon Hoseokie! You can’t tell me you’ve never thought about shoving her into your car and driving off into the sunset.” Yoongi was elated at the fact that he could still cause Hoseok so much distress, even just by talking.

Hoseok shook his head, nervously rubbing his hands on his skinny-ripped jeans. “T-Thats crazy, hyung.” Was all he could manage. What he wasn’t saying was that he wasn’t scared of the idea, but more panicked at the fact that he had thought about it. That he had played out all the different scenarios of what it’d be like to lock you away for safe-keeping. Preserve your beauty in a glass box that only he could look at.

Maybe it was the continuous furrow in his brow, or the way his finger twitched on his thigh, but Yoongi’s skilled eyes didn’t miss the change in the air around Hoseok.

“Hoseok-ah… you have thought about it before. You’re thinking about it right now.” Yoongi had peeled himself off of the swing set, in favor of advancing toward the slide where Hoseok had curled in on himself.

“I bet you’ve thought about offing that creepy boss of hers, too. Then you’d steal her away. Go far away from here with her. So nobody would ever see her again. Isn’t that right, Hoseok-ah? Where would you take her, hm? You’d keep her all tied up like a pretty little present, wouldn’t you?” Yoongi’s strides were predatory. His advance was slow and Hoseok felt small under his heavy gaze.

“Oh don’t get shy, Hoseokie. Please, share with the class.” Yoongi was looming over Hoseok, shadows of the night casting an ugly glare over his face and sinister smirk.

“Yoongi-ah. Leave him alone.” Jin’s voice was bored, emotionless, as he sent a spine chilling glare at his friend. Jin switched his gaze over to Hoseok, cocking a brow at him before looking back down at his phone.

“Hoseok, Yoongi’s only fucking with you because he’s thought about it before. Quite frankly, I’m convinced we’ve all thought about it. So don’t let him get in your head.”

———————————

okay so not very hectic .,. butttttt i chose a less .,, revealing (???) piece of my draft becuz im already panicked about people seeing this part so if anyone other than my bby dee were to see what was really going on on those pages before i was ready .,, id lose it😭.

[maccreadysimp]

breaking down this anti-ian article bc it bothers me ( from the child of a bipolar mother and a male teen with same sex attraction ) while also providing valid reasons ian sucks ( from someone who likes ian )

ive had this drafted for a while so i dont think i cover anything from season 11

tw for i^cest and r^pe

he was with a married man

in this point it points out that he was with kash and he continued his relationship with kash even after linda put cameras in the store

“Ian didn't seem to care about how wrong his affair with Kash was or how much it could hurt Kash's wife Linda, whom he saw at the store regularly. “

that is a quote from that part.

ian gallagher was fifteen in season one, kash was an older man who bought him gifts and payed attention to ian ,, that was not on ian , none of that was ian fault because he was a child

ian wasnt open with lip

“ Ian didn't tell Lip about his preferences and forced Lip to figure it out on his own. Lip was instantly accepting of his brother's truth and even offered to help him figure out any confusion he might be harboring, so it's really strange that Ian wasn't just upfront with his closest confidant from the start.”

no , lip wasnt forced to figure it out on his own and he also wasn’t instantly accepting.

in this point it mentions that ‘they’re extremely close ( bestfriends and brothers ) so its strange ian didnt tell him’

like point 1 , ian is a fifteen year old boy, growing up on the southside , and thoughout the show it has mentioned multiple times that the southside isnt that accepting

back to lip -- lip wasnt accepting, sure he was fine but ‘helping your younger brother figure it out’ by having a (female) classmate give him a blowjob isnt helping

he secretly dated his best friends brother

“Most friends have an unspoken rule about not dating each other's siblings, but Ian broke this rule by secretly entering into a relationship with Mandy's closeted brother Mickey.”

the only thing i have to say about this is , he was still with kash and mickey was a boy in his age group who was gay , growing up in the southside ian probably thought he was the token gay so of course hes going to chase after mickey

he stood by as kash attacked mickey

“Ian didn't do anything to stop Kash from shooting his new lover, and didn't even tell the police about his boss' over-the-top display of jealous action so proper justice could be served.”

okay. because two men he had fallen for had gotten into a fight, there was a gun involved and he panicked, in the end after mickey got shot he went to him

now to address the quote, he didnt say anything to the police because he probably knew that that would bring shame onto kash and his family, along with mickey and his family who are very homophobic

oh yeah and it was like 2011 and cops suck and THEY LIVE ON THE SOUTHSIDE

he and lip tried framing terry milkovich

oh the homophobic and racist dad of his boyfriend and bestfriend who tried to kill him and r*ped his daughter ?

yeah , shit man , that was real bad they shouldn’t have done that /s

he dated jimmy-steves married father

“Ian didn't bother telling Jimmy the truth about his father and didn't end his relationship with Lloyd upon finding out that he had a secret wife and family, either.”

at this point ian is probably sixteen but that doesnt matter bc i wont even address that

he met him at a club and then used his relationship with ned to make mickey jealous which was one of the reasons he kept seeing him, he didnt tell jimmy-steve about the relationship or his father bc he shouldnt find out from him he should find out from his father , again like kash, ned was an older man who payed attention to ian and ned later did develop feelings feelings for ian

he stole lips identity to enlist in the army

he enlisted because he didnt know what to do with himself, its implied/stated that the army timeline was the start of his bipolar

“While impersonating Lip, Ian had tried to steal a helicopter and then proceeded to go AWOL.”

this is because of the bipolar he suffers from, it is referenced later in the series after he gets back and hes manic

ian refused to accept being bipolar

of course he didnt accept it, it is made very clear that his family thinks lowly of monica so of course if hes the lucky duck to get what his siblings demonize her for, of course he’ll not want to be it

“He refused to take medications that could alter his personality or mood.”

okay. this is why im making this whole post, this goes along with part 15 ( or so idk ) ,,

my mother , my dear mother, who is bipolar and doesnt take her meds because they are mood altering , my mom doesnt take med because she told me once that they make her feel like shit, she told me that a little after i was born she started taking them but realized she felt nothing, she felt nothing for my dad or for i ( making her numb )

she told me anti deppresents dont help either because when shes on them and manic it pushes her past productive and into angry

my dad told me that when my mom was on bi polar medication she would seem angry most of the time

he wasnt faitful to mickey

“Ian's bipolar disorder made him very reckless and impulsive and led him to be unfaithful.”

lets break that down.

ians. bipolar. disorder.

this plot point i actually didnt like, mainly bc ian never addresses it so ill give the article a point. but then i take away 2 because they have more of a problem with his bipolar messing with him rather than the fact he never apologized and they never worked it out

ian stole yevgeny

before i start quoting i should mention because his boyfriend, who has supported and helped him is suddenly telling him he needs help, he was helping raise yev so he’ll see yev as his own

“Ian failed to recognize just how crazy he was acting...”

cuting you off right there , he was in a bipolar state, he wasnt ‘crazy’ and isnt ‘crazy’

he cant even keep count of his number of partners

just slutshaming i see

he helped throw frank off a bridge

“His relationship with Frank was understandably never the same after that, as Frank struggled to get over this act of betrayal and cruelty.”

‘was never the same after that’ frank never liked ian, ian was probably his least favorite and that point is very apparent

also , it wasnt just ian , his siblings and his boyfriend caleb

he left a healthy relationship to be with mickey

he fell in love with mickey at 15 , mickey was a comfort and always someone to fall back on, when mickey was taken away and no longer in the picture his heart still obviously was with mickey and when mickey came back he didnt know what to do

he told mickey he had a boyfriend but because mickey has been such a constant in his life he finally has back of course he couldnt resist

he liked trevor, i could tell he did but trevor wasnt the one he watched get r^ped by a russian prostitute, he wasnt the one ian was secretly dating bc it would be a death wish other wise, he wasnt the one there when ian was manic or depressive ( at the start )

he tried blackmailing an old client for money

“Instead of raising the money in an honest manner, Ian chose to visit an old client from his time working at the Fairy Tail and blackmail him into funding the shelter.”

because he felt indebted to trevor and wanted to make it up to him, it would have taken longer to do it in ‘an honest manner’ when his sister would have gotten it instead, he knew how much gay youths like he once was needed a safe place

“He grew up wanting to be nothing like his father, but this whole money-making scheme was straight out of the Frank playbook”

because thats all he knows, he grew up with that ‘playbook’ so of course hes going to take a page out of it, he is nothing like frank , franks money making schemes are selfish and for his own greed while ian wanted the money to help build a safe space for lgbt youth

he let fame inflate his ego

of course he did, hes a southside kid who was destined to fail

also it is very apparent that during the gay jesus era he went off his medication which didnt help

“Before long, he just completely forgot about his ex and focused solely on being a deity”

as much as yes, he did let it mess with his head, he was trying to still help lgbt youth and was going against anti gay churchs , in the end it didnt work out for him because he was off his meds and went over board

he stopped taking his meds

see previous point and ‘ian refused to accept being bipolar’

he actually wanted to stay in prison

because he was doing good in there

ian was helping others and was spreading awareness about lgbt with in the prison , and as him and jail scenes go , we can see people were listening to him and he was trying to make it safe sane and consensual

he let down his army of followers

“Ian admitted that most of his actions were completely irrational and the mere results of his bipolar disorder.”

he didnt want to, we can see this, because he knew he would let down everyone, his family were the only ones to ever ground him and they knew it would be the best option for his own mental health

during the gallavich wedding we can see that a lot of his supporters still have his back because they must know how hard it was for him to put all of that success on something he can’t control

he constantly wasted his potential

this is actually the only point in this article i actually agree with , so only 1/20 i agree with

his relationship with mickey wasn’t actually great

“Mickey spent the first several years of their relationship denying his feelings for Ian.”

he was raised by a homophobic and racist father who he knew would react the way he did when terry had caught the two that one day

“Even after he finally embraced his true self, Ian's bipolar disorder kept them from becoming truly happy together.”

yes but mickey was there for him the entire time and helped him through it, he told him he loved him which was really big for him and did his best to care for him

“They couldn't seem to remain faithful to each other for more than a few weeks.”

back to the point about ians bipolar but for mickey he wanted monogamy , now that scene in s11 may say otherwise but it is very clear that he wants a monogamous relationship with ian and ian ( after getting help ) wants one too, and in the later seasons they are monogamous

“When Mickey asked Ian to run away to Mexico with him, Ian refused.”

he wanted to, it’s obvious, but ian has his family and didnt want to abandon them again, i think part of him knew he would see mickey again because they always find eachother, he gave mickey all of his money and wanted mickey to have a good life

“Their relationship was simply never healthy.”

no it wasnt, but thats why the ship is great in its own way, the gay closet kid raised by a homophobic man is obviously going to have a lot of baggage , and ian who is bipolar and struggling with himself will also have a lot of baggage , but in the end they love eachother and that really shows in season five and season seven specifically

that is all lol ,,, this is long sorry

now, i am not a ian apologist , i love ian but hes a dumbass sometimes

actual valid reasons ian sucks

genuinely believes frank is worse than terry

yes frank was definitely abusive but terry is definitely worse ,,

mentally/physically/sexually abusive , the whole nine yards

terry hired a prostitute to r^pe his son , threatened to kill him and ian on multiple occasions , r^ped his daughter who ended up pregnant and is actively racist

frank on the other hand will make gay jokes but in the end doesnt give enough of a shit , he has attacked his children on multiple occasions but not to the brutality that terry has ( this isnt me excusing it )

sorry ian , terry is worse

never apologized

he never apologized for all the shit he put mickey and his family through, never apologized to mickey for cheating on him , never apologized for all the manic and depressive episodes mickey endured with him

never apologized for walking away when he couldn’t handle it, in hall of shame mickey actually acknowledges this saying ‘its youre whole MO’

debbies sexuality

he has constantly made statements saying debbie isnt gay and that bothers me because , why does it care ? as a gay man and as a gay man who soent time with a lot of lgbt youth wouldnt he support his sister even if shes just ‘experimenting’?

in the recent season he doesnt seem to care and doesn’t say anything but it still bothers me

mickey only getting like 80% of his heart

okay look , i get what ian means when he says this , everyones hes been with has made him who he is but fucking hell dude ,, shut up , thats your husband , thats the love of your life you shouldnt be saying shit like that , especially to him

and then this man had the audacity to say mickey probably feels the same about past flings when he knows that ian is the only one hes probably ever been with/serious about

obviously there is probably more but those are the main ones that come to mind

—

before anyone brings up the trans or bi thing im going to explain my thought process for him

like ive probably mentioned multiple times he grew up southside and obviously only ever grew up with lgb and not t ,, trevor did inform him a lot and ian became supre accepting of everyone,, sexual preference isnt transphobic but i do think he approached the matter badly

now the bi thing , legit all i think is that he doesnt hate bisexual people its just that the man he really liked slept with a woman and never expressed any heterosexual attraction so it probably just suprised him and pissed him off because caleb did cheat on ian

—

if you read this far HOLY SHIT THANKS LOL ,, im not adding things that i think are pro about ian this was just me breaking down that article and giving my two cents :)

feel free to message me and talk to me or send me articles like this about any other character/relationship and i will totally break that one down too lol

thanks for letting me rant

[transsexualhamlet]

asmr i psychoanalyze my favorite war criminal, aka calling out norman the essay

basically all of my thoughts on norman on one callout post because i care him (both manga and anime are discussed)

LINK TO RAY PSYCHOANALYSIS:  https://chaoticgaymess.tumblr.com/post/646749875570196480/ray-81194-the-long-explanation 

this is going to be ungodly long so here’s a keep reading, essay below the cut

((tw for suicidal ideation and self harm, brief discussion of eating disorders))

Disclaimer: no shipping is included here this is just about norman also they’re kids who call each other siblings

Thoughts: So you may be thinking, Rowan, why do you yell about the colorless war criminal so often? Well the answer lies in your honor the court hates to see a girlboss winning. Norman is a girlboss :) Yes norman is a tiny twink who can't lift a milk jug. And he is a girlboss :) Obviously I don't condone, um, eugenics and all, but that's not the point the point is that he satisfies my need for more characters like Levi motherfucking Calder from Unwind because I’m apparently an edgy 13 year old. Also all of his problems are violently things I can fix and I keep him around as a pet project because someone needs to give him a hug and slap him on the face

I diagnose him with things: 

-pisces man :pensive:

-is he albino? Not literally. Is his skin so pale he would catch fire if he went outside at noon? Yes.

-autism: Yes I’m aware that calling him autistic makes him, problematic rep by perpetuating the autism unfeeling savant stereotype whatever but have you considered i’m autistic and I’m projecting also he’s L with standards? Anyway traits of AuTism he has: hyper   fixation, canonically breaks and fixes things over and over because like ofc he does, doesn’t understand Emotion, hyperaware of body language at the same time as it all somehow flying over his head, low empathy, sensory experiences™, min maxed in certain areas, and I don’t think he’s got social interaction quite right? There’s something off about it

-gifted kid (derogatory) This is self explanatory but basically him being the smartest and the best in a competitive environment caused most of his issues, such as the perfectionism, the need to succeed, the lack of self esteem and ridiculously high expectations on himself, giving himself no breaks or time to relax, the “i must be productive with every second of my day or i will die” deal, the “peaked at 11” thing, the way in which he goes through life like there’s going to be a fucking test on it

-Eldest Daughter™ lmao. Norman’s always had to be mature, he’s always had to be the best, he’s always had to do the things Ray got out of bc he’s a snitch and Emma got out of because Isabella likes her. Norman gets respect from Isabella only if he excels, and her bar for him is astronomical. He doesn’t have the Mommy Issues that Ray has, but it’s because for him Isabella basically just reflected his expectations on himself, whereas with Ray it was more personal.

-low empathy (part of the autism thing): this one needs more explanation, but it’s not a bad thing in and of itself. Cognitive empathy is a thing and he can use it, but he does not instinctively understand other people’s emotions, or even recognize them properly, especially when the person is not like himself. This is obvious in Emma. Man has no fucking clue what’s going on in her head or why she does what she does, but he can predict what she will do in any given situation very well. He could understand the suicide attempt from ray he predicted more because Ray’s an easier equation to solve, and someone who’s more similar to him. I know he gets it because, well, motherfucker’s just as self desctructive as him, just in a more dignified manner.

-he’s got some sort of chronic illness. This is also me projecting and a headcanon but he’s got something going on, even before lambda pumped him full of growth hormones or whatever which they maybe should have Not Done but oh well. (I assume this just didn’t happen in the anime, since he’s still so fucking short) But he's So weak. He passed out when it was too hot. He passed out when it was too cold. He can’t open a pickle jar. His skin is too pale and he’s skinny af. He’s much more prone to sickness and probably has asthma too? But in the case that he did actually have something going on, I don’t think grace field would see the need to treat it, if it didn’t impact the quality of his meat? Isabella’s probably just “you have chronic pain and you get migraines? Great, take some tylenol and do some calculus.” Can’t say that probably helped anything.

personality type: ISTJ

Basically, he’s the most boring personality type to exist, and personally as an enfp i do not respect him. But basically this means he’s a fucking nerd that gets his projects done for school the day they’re assigned, is probably the president of the Anime Student Council™, and could probably get away with premeditated murder (ok actual istjs this is a joke don’t skin me)

The only trait that norman doesn’t have on the istj thing is telling the truth. Yeah, he values the truth, but like, that doesn’t apply to him, clearly. Bitch is a notorious liar.

The only other personality type he has any similarity with is intj, which is the same except it’s more rare and a purple theme instead of a blue theme. Sadly, that’s not him though, because although he can care more about some kinds of philosophy overall this isn’t the case and ray already occupies this personality type tbh. 

strengths and weaknesses: This one’s kind of obvious, but he is aside from the crazy insane intelligence good at planning. Extremely good at planning. He can predict any outcome and figure out how to prevent it, using all his resources. For example he’s physically weak and someone could literally just walk up and stab him, but it doesn’t impede his progress on his goals because he’s surrounded himself with strong, mentally inferior people who would die for him in a heartbeat. He never gets stuck in some “everything is shit and i can’t do anything” deal like Emma and Ray do, he always works through it and has confidence in his abilities (in as much as he will solve the problem or die™. Weaknesses other than his twink body include his Low Wisdom score. It’s funny how he’s often associated with an owl, the mans is 14. He thinks he knows what he’s doing. He doesn’t. Plus obviously his fundamental misunderstanding of so much of everything going on around him, the fact that he lies not just to the world but himself, his refusal to take care of himself and his incredible cowardice. His achilles heel is being forced to, actually confront his actions.

what he likes about himself: He does pride himself on his mental abilities, and his judgement, which in his opinion is the only correct opinion and the only correct way. In the past, he likes being seen as a leader, he likes being responsible for other people. He likes his ability to manipulate and lie, because he sees it as an asset, and I honestly think he enjoys being william minerva more than he enjoys being Norman. He prides himself on his unhealthy expectations and the fact that he is able to meet them. Honestly, he does think he’s better than everyone else, mentally, though it’s humbled by his self hatred. Cursed thought: If Norman had self esteem he would be light yagami. 

what he doesn’t like about himself/insecurities: Oh god, nearly everything. His appearance, his status, his superiority, his physical inability, his own mess of a mind, also have I mentioned his appearance. He’s obsessed with self control. He wants everything he sees wrong with himself gone. And I understand why having control of everything is necessary and appealing, everything for him has always been rigid and planned out from moment one, he was even more regulated in lambda, and though he desperately wants to Not Be Food, he has no idea what to do with the chains now that he’s broken out of them. So he just wraps them around himself. Regulates to an unhealthy degree when he sleeps, what he eats, when he actually takes even minimal care of his own problems, what he looks like, how much of himself he lets show, the expressions on his face, the literal thoughts inside his own head he will shut down if they are not Correct. It’s literal self harm. Norman, please stop it.

motivations/goals in life/general philosophy: To be honest, I’m not sure he knows what he wants. He sure thinks he does, he could sure give you a memorized answer, but it means nothing. He wants to excel. He wants Emma to be happy. He wants to be perfect and for that to make everything perfect. But he doesn’t realize everything he’s working towards will do pretty much the opposite of that. He’s a crippling perfectionist, and pretty much everything he does is motivated by his fear of failing. He picks the certain path, he doesn’t wait for anyone else, he doesn’t care if it’s not nice. Emma foils that a most of the time because he cares about her, but it can only go so far, especially after he’s had so much time without her to develop a Complex. His philosophy is very contradictory, basically the tokyo ghoul “everything bad that happens to you stems from a lack of ability”. All of his problems are his fault. All the world’s problems are his to fix. If he can’t fix them, it’s his fault, it’s because he wasn’t strong enough, and not being perfect condemns someone forever, including himself.

how he’s perceived by others vs how he actually is: In most people there wouldn’t truly be much of a difference, but with Norman things are different, because, well, most of his personality in grace field is a put on, as well as the tough guy dictator thing he radiates after lambda. How he appears to someone is determined by the context of their meeting- the kids at grace field see him as a nerdy, weakish, pretty boring kid who is really caring and kind. The researchers at lambda see an obedient, beaten down and perfectionistic boy. The lambda kids see him as an infallible leader, ruthless and genius, a good man who knows what’s right. But in truth none of that is him. It’s a fucking chess game to him, putting on different faces, lying and pretending and treating everyone differently. In truth? He’s a fucking coward. He’s scared out of his mind and he’s tired and he can’t take pain, he’s obsessed with reaching some goal he deems is necessary that in the end is going to be his death because he doesn’t want to face the consequences of his actions. He’s taken on the role of someone evil, though deep down he’s not, he feels it’s easier to live that way because it strips him of his conscience. 

interpersonal relationships: In general, Norman sees all relationships in a pretty dim light. He sees everyone as black and white, for the most part, and other people make no sense to him intuitively, he has to figure them out like a puzzle. He’s manipulative and not particularly kind, but he follows all societal expectations to a T, overly focused on his appearance and placing the person he’s interacting with into a Category™. So he can be truly kind, to people he feels deserve it, to people who he values and doesn’t see flaws in. He gets incredibly attached to people he loves, protective, though he often doesn’t take their own feelings on the matter into consideration, and he’s ruthless with anyone who he deems a bad person. With people he understands and relates to, though, things can be different. If he sees someone as like himself, he will drop all the social interaction police bullshit and cut to the chase of whatever he wants or needs from them, and he’s not very forgiving in any manner, if he thinks what someone did is actually bad.

Emma: Norman obviously cares a lot about Emma, and honestly views her as better than anyone else. He realizes her moral integrity and all of the things she has and he doesn’t, and admires it. Because of his black and white view, Emma is like an angel to him. She couldn’t do anything wrong if she tried. But he comes to treat her as something to be protected instead of respected, and although he realizes she wouldn’t like what he’s doing, he fundamentally cannot empathize with her and doesn’t try to understand her. Their personalities are very literally opposite. Norman really needs to fucking listen to her. And Emma needs to understand that Norman doesn’t have a single ounce of empathy and you really do need to spell it out for him. Emma can only convince him when she has logical reasons for her actions, which she, doesn’t often have. And Emma gave Norman too much slack, because she didn’t see past the surface, and Ray never wanted to warn her, even though he knew the dude was showing a bunch of red flags, because you know. It was kind of an unspoken deal between them. (on ray’s part)

Ray: His relationship with Ray is a lot more complicated than with Emma. He understands Ray, where he doesn’t understand Emma, and he can see right through anything Ray does. And this makes things really tense between them, because Ray doesn’t, take kindly to being psychoanalyzed. If someone perceives him he will deck them and Norman is just there silently perceiving him at all times when Emma doesn’t see it. They are both constantly in competition with each other, but they care about each other a lot, though it’s kind of in a derogatory way. They both recognize each other as fundamentally fucked up, and silently agree never to bring it up with Emma. They’re nice to each other when she’s around, but all pretenses disappear when she’s gone. Ray is always frustrated with Norman, because Norman’s never been intimidated by him, and though he tries his best not to be vulnerable around him, Norman can always see through it, whereas Ray can’t crack Norman’s fake fucking smile no matter what he does. Norman will always take Emma’s side, and doesn’t see Ray as a good person at all, but he still understands and can excuse him, he takes measures to be… worse than Ray, which is better in his mind, because it’s rational, and ‘not selfish’.

Isabella: She has always had ridiculously high expectations for Norman, and treats him kind of harshly compared to the others. Bitch has heat stroke and Isabella’s first question is a calculus problem instead of like, “are you ok”. She knows he doesn’t complain about anything ever and she doesn’t stop him from being Terrible to himself, because it makes her job easier. They want smart kids, not mentally adjusted kids. She does really care for all of them, but she basically overrides it, she gives them what they want, not what they need, lets them be exactly what they’re making themselves. Isabella is distant with Ray but gives him anything he wants, she’s close and super nice with Emma, but Norman is… it’s weird. Isabella is proud of him because he meets her astronomically high bar. But at the same time, Norman never really cared for her that much and has never pretended to. Once they discover The Thing, though, he has a revelation, and it doesn’t take him long to switch his entire perspective about her. He’s pretty much like. Oh. She’s like me. That explains it, time to treat her like I treat myself: fucking brutally. Passive aggressive as hell. The kind of energy the :) emoticon at the end of an email gives. He does like just go “yeah we should kill her” at one point, which. You know, ok. When he got shipped out it was hhhh really interesting because Isabella knew full well he knew he was walking to his death and Norman was like “are you Truly Happy?” and just went :) and she was like h u h and tried to get him to talk while they were walking there because she feels Bad about it and he just. Did not. He didn’t say a single word just kind of smiled menacingly at her and I think it was half a sort of rebellion and half because he viewed her as similar to himself and therefore felt no need to put up any front with her, no words were necessary for him to impart exactly how he felt about it

Lambda kids: His relationship with the lambda kids is weird and bittersweet. I think he really truly does care about them, they were in a similar situation to his and he wants them to get what they want. However it is not a healthy or beneficial relationship, they see him as a god and don’t realize that he’s killing himself to give them what they want, he’s basically adopted them when out of anyone norman’s the one that should least be in charge of kids. I think he’s honestly younger than them but I’m not sure if they even know. He acts like their fucking mom, and that’s from what he thinks mothers are like… like isabella?? Giving them what they want, not what they need, lying to them, showing a front, caring deeply for them but at the same time using them for his own ends. And it’s not helpful for him. He thinks he knows what they need, but what he’s doing is what they want. What they need is therapy,(and so does norman), and he doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with using them as weapons because they love him. It makes him feel good, to be seen as perfect, to have people who don’t know how weak he really is. But it’s only making him worse, and he’s enabling everything the lambda kids are doing wrong as well. They need like, Yuugo and Lucas. Some actual adults who are actually wise and have the ability and the knowledge to take care of them and understand their mental problems and maybe actually address them. And actually be nice to them. But um sadly. 

what he’s doing wrong: It’s pretty obvious, but… Norman, you maybe *shouldn’t* commit genocide? You’re not helping emma, you’re not making anything better. You’re not helping the lambda kids, you’re enabling them. You’re not helping your friends from grace field, you’re ignoring what they want. You’re not helping the world, you’re eradicating an entire race from the face of the earth and murdering the poor for the crimes of the fucking 1%. You’re not being a martyr, you’re a selfish piece of shit liar you little coward, you just want an easy way out and you want to die on your bloody fucking hill instead of admitting you’re wrong. Grow up, cringe little man.

why he went wrong: I think most of the reason this happened was the way he was raised combined with the kind of person he is. Norman would have turned out fine, if there has been good adults in his life who actually cared about his well being. Instead he got people who just wanted to control him and make him what they needed, and family who largely didn’t realize there was anything wrong. Ray being an ass to him most of forever probably didn’t help but well, that’s just Ray. Even then, he would have managed alright if he escaped with the rest of the kids because he would never have been separated from the experiences that caused the rest of them to realize demons weren’t all evil. In lambda he didn’t have anyone supporting him or telling him when things went too far, so he fell into relying on himself alone, pushing himself further with absolutely no limits. All he saw was enemies and allies, and things got stratified. He never had a lucas or a yuugo or mujika when he would have needed it, instead he found children who wanted him to be in charge and a world that made it so he had to be. Everything was an echo chamber for his worst thoughts, so they just became more and more dominant.

what he needs: To put it simply, he needs Emma and Ray to cut to the chase and slap him across the face and make him take care of himself. He needs to be forced to see everything for what it really is- this edgy 14 year old committing atrocities to feel better about himself? He needs to be told that what he’s doing is irrational, because in reality, it is. There are better solutions that he’s ignoring, both to his own suffering and the demons, and the way he’s going now no one will truly be happy because of it, that there is no requirement that things be perfect and this bullshit doesn’t make him stronger. He needs someone responsible to take the fucking dagger out of his hands. He also needs someone to babysit him and make him go to bed at a reasonable time.

i describe his personality through songs on my spotify playlist for him:

-outrunning karma by alec benjamin: this one super applies because it calls him out for making shitty decisions, being manipulative and a liar, and having blood on his hands in a very calm and subdued manner, that he knows this is wrong and yet he chooses to keep running faster and faster towards destruction, that he means to escape it through death

-empty by boyinaband and jaiden: yes this is a song about anorexia yes it also applies to norman i’m not saying norman literally has an eating disorder (but honestly it wouldn’t be far out of character if he did) but metaphorically this applies to his method of ignoring his needs, both emotional and physical, in favor of seeming in control 

-toxic thoughts by faith marie: this one speaks to his gifted kid trauma. Man’s got perfectionism running his entire soul. He’s terrified of failing, because he’s always been at the very top, he’ll beat himself up over any miniscule mistake and forces himself to keep at bad habits that keep him Productive, but he won’t ask for help no matter how much he’s suffering because that would be failing, he fights with his mind, this song basically tells him “yeah i feel you but you need to stop that”

-no time to die by billie eilish: ignore the romantic overtones but this is emma and norman, emma who trusted norman and was lied to, betrayed, for norman’s greater good, and norman who refuses to feel or hurt because of it, who refuses to apologize or see himself as wrong, pushes forward because he’s going to Pass Away

-achilles come down by gang of youths: hhhhh it's like. His vibe. Obviously you can disregard the lifestyle specific shit but it's. It's achilles come down you have to understand it’s like the same deal as friend, please just like french and longer

-friend, please by 21 pilots: i feel like i don't have to explain this one but it’s more to the manga (not the anime where he kind of figures out he done did wrong by himself instead of committing unforgivable sins and still going yeah this is valid before emma is like holy fuck). He is like sorry emma I cannot fix anything I’m going to die :) *coughs blood* and emma going like stop it stop it stop it fuck you see you fucked up and i forgive you just stop don’t walk away while he’s like “no<3”

why im a repressed little norman kinnie even tho he’s my exact opposite: I don’t generally kin ppl like norman, honestly he’s an infj I have no clue how it happened but I’m pretty sure it’s because of my intense desire to project onto a little man who cannot lift a milk jug and has chronic pain and decides you know what I AM tired of being nice i DO wanna go apeshit. Also he’s a twink. A little bastard. He’s a terrible person and I go mood every time he does anything. I said mood when he fell out of a tree. Don’t know what this says about me, I swear I wouldn’t commit no genocide. He’s like the inverse of Yoichi Saotome, and somehow i kin him too. Damn.

Miscellaneous headcanons:

-man’s SO attached to his william minerva cloak. He’s a wispy little bitch, you know he’s wearing that thing inside the house, he’s fucking cold. It also makes him Look Important he can retreat into it like an emo middle schooler with an oversized sweatshirt

-although you could probably get Mad street cred from having two whole brands you know he’s not gonna whip it out and show off his lambda thing he’s incredibly self conscious and his chest hasn’t seen the sun in years

-norman’s got MAD laundry skills to be able to wear like, all white all the time while constantly murdering people. I think he’s the only one who knows to do the laundry. And Ray is the only one who knows how to cook.

-but even then there’s gotta still be a few questionable stains on that thing, but if anyone asks he’s like “ketchup” “I’ve literally never seen you eat anything with that much color” “ketchup :)” *coughs blood*

-he’s probably thought “well i have not literally coughed blood yet today so I am not legally obligated to take care of myself”

-He probably adopted much of his current personality from taking on the persona of william minerva. I’m calling him out for being like me, he’s a blank motherfucker, he absorbs personality traits from characters he plays! He’s just not in theatre so it’s a bit more intense!

-the first time he sees barbara Eating Demon Meat he kinda stares and goes oh cool! not for me and violently exits the room. Like it's hilarious bc he thinks that's really gross on a moral level though he understands why she would do it 

-Which is even funnier bc I’m not sure about the canon on this but there was That Chapter Cover that one time that kinda seemed to imply norman eating demon meat which i absolutely latched onto because I’m terrible. He was just politely eating it. With a knife and fork like why dude. As to a possible reason for him doing that I can come up with, of course barbara does it out of spite, but man we don’t know the properties, if it had some sort of painkilling aspect to it or it was like, caffeine, you know he would, but he would Definitely not talk about it

-I kinda disagree with what the anime did in episode eight? It was good I liked it and the imagery was fantastic but also have you considered Norman could not kill someone with his own hands if he tried, or even physically injure them? That’s what his minions are for shawty. That doesn’t make it any less bad, of course, but the manga captured it perfectly by the fact of he carries around a dagger and a scepter in the capitol battle, but he never even raises it out of more than intimidation. He walks through calmly like he’s not scared at all but he makes sure all the lambda kids do all the actual murder, he just stands there impartially, clearly The Mastermind, as the kids fucking murder the queen of the demons. And I think that’s more profound because he’s, a coward. And he doesn’t realize being the one who orders the strike makes you just as responsible as the one who sticks the knife in someone. The knife is just there to Compensate™  for the fact that he weighs like eighty pounds.

-he’s more of like lady macbeth (because he’s a girlboss) than macbeth himself. He has blood on his hands, but it’s the kind of blood that you can’t wash off. He never killed anyone himself, and he cannot admit he never would have been able to.

-the last thing is that there are definitely epic things about the anime, episode 8 was my favorite so far, goddamn that imagery and the bitch walking through the city while it burns down with the screaming asmr going on behind him my god. We stan. But like the downside of, letting Emma and Ray get to him before he commits first degree murder makes the whole thing lose a lot of his value. In the manga (oh my god look at me being a pretentious manga fan please) it fit more of his ideas- he never backed down, and he planned for Emma coming and trying to stop him. Of course he wanted Emma to stop him, he wanted it with all his fucking heart he was pleading for it to happen but the man wouldn’t give himself what he wanted if he was held at gunpoint. He knew she’d come and he made absolutely sure she wouldn’t be able to stop him. So when she came and he said “you’re too late”??? It kind of said it all, in the fact that he was disappointed that he got his way. He still thought he did the right thing, but deep down there where he shoved all his thoughts and feelings he desperately wanted to be saved from himself.

So yeah, those are my thoughts. Feel free to eviscerate me if these are not Correct he is just my favorite girlboss who I feel the need to yell at

[the-girl-with-the-glass-heart]

Unsympathetic/abusive patton but he’s got munchausen by proxy.

Tw: child abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, food mentions, unsympathetic patton, abusive father.

Munchausen syndrome by proxy (MSBP) is a mental health problem in which a caregiver makes up or causes an illness or injury in a person under his or her care, such as a child, an elderly adult, or a person who has a disability. Because vulnerable people are the victims, MSBP is a form of child abuse or elder abuse.

When Virgil was really little his Patton brought home a wheel chair for him to use and Virgil was really confused because he obviously could walk just fine.

Patton just smiled and said that lots of people can still move their legs and don’t need a wheel chair and that he should just do it because papa knows what’s wrong with his little baby.

Eventually Virgil agreed with out really questioning it anymore cause he’s his papa, why would his papa lie to him about that?

Patton’s story for why his son had to be in a wheel chair was rather inconsistent but nobody paid attention to that since he seemed to care bout Virgil’s needs so much, he probably was just forgetful.

Over time patton started saying he was sicker and sicker and just kept adding disorders and illnesses to the list, he was hypoallergenic to most things, had asthma, type 1 diabetes, multiple sclerosis, sleep apnea, epilepsy, ADHD, ADD, and many more.

Virgil was perfectly healthy of course, he suffered from generalized anxiety disorder but he had gotten better which Patton loved to talk about with people.

He kept a really tight grip on Virgil, any other parent just thought it was him being over protective because Virgil was so sick but in reality it seemed more likely he didn’t want anyone to catch on to what was really happening.

If Virgil wanted to talk to a friend patton would be in the room with him, saying that he needs to be there in case he has a panic attack or eats something he isn’t supposed to, most of the time patton just did all the talking anyways.

He would usually use his anxiety disorder as justification for talking for him because “oh Virgil hates speaking to others, here I’ll tell you whatever you need to know!”.

Even when going to the doctor Patton would talk over him and request that certain conversations between him and the doc would happen in private so Virgil didn’t know anything about his medical history.

Even if Virgil asked about it patton would just say it was boring adult stuff he doesn’t really care about.

It was a good thing for Patton he did his research and was good at faking documents and medical records or else a doctor could of easily caught on to them.

Patton got a lot of praise from neighbors for how well he took care of Virgil, he always seemed to closely monitor everything he ate to make sure it was safe for him, take him out to public events, make sure he got his medication on time and he just seemed to be the perfect dad to him.

It’s just too bad that nobody could see that the medication wasn’t needed and in fact just made him sick, he never had any allergies so he could eat whatever he wanted and those public events were used more as an excuse to show off Virgil for sympathy points than for Virgil to have any fun.

Patton loved being the father of a “sick” kid, everyone always said he was so nice and kid and patient with Virgil, he was widely respected as a guy who worked so hard just to make sure his son was happy and he even got lots of free stuff to “help” them out, heck, half the time neighbors pitched in to pay for Virgil’s medical bills themselves.

Patton even pretended to be humble sometimes just to get more positive attention, “oh I’m just doing what I can” “you’d do the same thing for your little boy” and people ate it up.

At home Patton manipulated and gaslit Virgil quite a bit with very careful phrasing and choice words, things like “oh I’m so lucky to have a kid like you who always listenes to me and never disobeys me, some kids misbehave and their papas aren’t nearly as kind as I am to you, I hope I’ll never have to treat you like that” “oh sweetie you can’t have that you know what will happen to you, your face will get all puffy and your throat will get swollen and you’ll die, please don’t make your papa go through that.” “Don’t worry Virgil, I’ll protect you, as long as you stay with me nothing will ever hurt you.”.

The only thing virgil thought all of his sicknesses were real, all he knew was that he could walk and even then he always figuired maybe he will lose the ability to in the future.

It didn’t really help his perception of reality that his very real anxiety disorder was mixed in with all this fake ones.

Anyways don’t gaslight and abuse your kids for sympathy, this has been a message brought to you by minx.

[beelspillowpet]

Pinky if you don’t mind. How the brothers + plus the others if you want to include them react to seeing MC has either bald patches or sparse hair? They cover it as best as they can and start crying. They have trichotillomania. Hair pulling disorder. Just on their head no where else. They feel ugly and are ashamed he had to see them like this. Would they try to help? Or what?

I have this and I often feel ugly and helpless. I’ve been struggling with it for years.

- ❤️

Of course, hun! I hope you feel better :( You’re beautiful to me  💛 💛 💛

Though I put more focus into the picking of the scalp’s hairs, I always try to include as much information about these disorders and mental illnesses as possible so to inform the unaware~ I hope that is okay darling? Hugs and forehead kisses <3

MC has Trichotillomania 

--

Lucifer

It wasn’t really like he thought you were weird. He’s the last to judge you on these sorts of things. Appearance is not the only thing that matters to him. He knows that some demons, angels, and humans have certain issues. Some he have heard of, some he can relate to, and others... others he has not. Though he pretends he knows in the moment, later on he looks into it. Though he is aware that it can happen on any part of the body, eyebrows, scalp, eyelashes, etc, he only really sees you picking at your scalp. It bothers him that he doesn’t immediately know how to help, but he would never insult you. Even a sadist can be kind.

Mammon

Concerned to the max. Like sometimes he picks at his hands or plays with his clothes when he can’t focus, or is trying to focus. But you do it... damn near all the time. The bald spots in your scalp are jarring, but he keeps his mouth shut. He wouldn’t ever dream of making fun of you, especially since you do so much for him. If you ever even tell him the name of the condition, he just... struggles to pronounce it. He can’t do it. But he tries. He’ll gently move your hands from your head and hold them if he catches you messing with your hair. He doesn’t comment on your hair ever. There’s much more beauty to you that the locks on the top of your head.

Leviathan

So he doesn’t really understand. He sort of equates your hair-pulling to when he sees new merchandise of Ruri-Chan. He HAS to buy it. So he figures you HAVE to pull your hair, right? Wait no. No one would want to do that... R-regardless! He wouldn’t judge you. In his head, he reasons it’s probably some sort of curse, yeah? Would also take your hand and hold it if he catches you picking at your hair. Does not want to offend, but would be very shy and scared of upsetting you.

Satan

Oh yeah he gets it. Sometimes he gets so angry about something that he just... damn near rips his scalp off. Though in his case, he’s angry. For you, he always sees that you’re happy. You have off days, sure, and it isn’t even that severe in this case. But he certainly knows what’s going on. He will be more direct with you, getting you treatment for your hair-pulling. He’s not... strict, nor mean about it? But he’ll let you know that you are pulling your hair when you obviously don’t realize it. Something like “Hey, look at me.” just to catch your attention and make you pause.

Asmodeus

Dear god, he’s upset. Again, another boy who obviously wouldn’t say a word about it to you. But admittedly at first, he did question it. He didn’t mean any harm by it, he was honestly just curious and saddened by it. He reasons at first, maybe you just comb and brush your hair too hard. When he plays with your hair sometimes he notices the bald patches in your scalp. He sometimes sees you picking at your eyebrows or plucking your eyelashes too. He doesn’t know how you don’t feel uncomfortable doing that. He cringes when he thinks, maybe you’re just used to it? He definitely gets hair care treatment for you. Wigs, weave, extensions. Whatever to get you from pulling it all out. He cares, and he wants you to know he does.

Beelzebub

He sits back and watches you fidget sometimes. Part of him thinks you’re just restless, but then you seem perfectly fine in that right. You eat, twirl a small bit of hair in your hands, then pull. Sometimes hard, tensing the muscles in your hair, and sometimes little tugs. You pull your hair into knots that can’t come undone, and simply pluck them out. It’s uncomfortable to watch. You mostly do it when eating, too. Like a weird ritual of sorts. When you notice that he’s watching you sometimes, you pull your hands away from your hair for a moment, only to look away and go right back to doing it without realizing. He doesn’t know what to do. So he’s direct. It scares him that you’re pulling out so much of your hair in similar spots. He wants to help you, but he’s not sure what he should do. Do you have any advice for him? He wants to help you help yourself. He would do anything if it meant you were able to stop with this obsessive hair-pulling.

Belphegor

You are one hell of a hard-working human. Your grades are good by result of your studying, you are great at your job at the nearby cafe in town, and you get along with damn near everyone. To him, you are a model human. But he can’t help but think of all the stress you must be under while doing all of this. He notices that you seem to be aware of your hair pulling issues. Brushing your hair hard, twirling strands in your fingers only to knot them and pull them out, the thinning in certain spots of your scalp, and even the outright bald spots. He doesn’t really... know what’s going on. But he reasons all this hard work is stressing you the fuck out. So alright, he’s now going to assume the role of stress-reliever. He’s not sure if the results are in his favor, but he’s going to try his best. He’ll take on some of your shifts at work for you, and clear your schedule so you can just nap with him instead.

[the-brothers-jack]

People aren't saying fat is gross- its just hindering and is bad in excess. That in itself should be a motivator to shed the pounds off . Why does it upset you?

Honey, go to the fat acceptance tag. There are PLENTY of people there saying fat is gross. Even if they also say "oh I'm just concerned," in the next breath they're using dehumanising language and belittling all fat people as idiots who just can't count calories properly.

Plus the very act of invading spaces where people go to try to feel good about their bodies - regardless of health - to talk about how their bodies are wrong and they should *want* to be thin because that's the assumed correct, moral, healthy thing to do - is an attack on the purpose of those spaces, which is to allow people whose bodies don't fit the assumed "norm" the space to feel good about their bodies, regardless of whether those bodies are healthy or not.

Like with JK Rowling and her TERF-y ilk claiming they're "just saying that sex is real" when literally no one has ever put forward the idea that sex isn't real, I find that a lot of those folks putting "concern about health" in the fat acceptance tag are arguing against a position that doesn't really exist in fat acceptance movements. No one I've interacted with has ever said that fat people shouldn't try to be healthy, or that it's fine to just let eating disorders happen without treatment, or that people whose lives are seriously affected by their weight shouldn't strive for a better life and repair their bodies, but this is the supposition made by opponents of fat acceptance - that, surely, if we treat fat people well and celebrate their bodies even if they aren't "healthy", this will breed a generation of complacence and people will ignore the basic need to look after their bodies because society won't belittle them for not doing that.

What I find interesting about this supposition is that it's completely fabricated - it's a dystopian fantasy created by the ignorant to reassure themselves that it's fine, actually, to be cruel to people and belittle them because of their bodies - because they're basically saving the world!

If you're actually invested in the health of fat people, it's interesting to me that you don't bring up the reason I made that post, which I was very explicit about especially in the tags. I have a host of mental illnesses, including depression, which are the most pressing medical concern in my life right now. I take anti-depressants and I've been in and out of therapy for years to deal with this medical problem. My doctors are far more worried about my mental wellbeing than they ever have been about my weight - which, despite being considered "obese" on the BMI scale, they have actually *never* highlighted as a pressing concern. If you think that shedding weight should be a higher priority to me right now than protecting my mental health, I doubt I could change your mind, but know that in thinking that you are in fact going against the recommendations of medical professionals and against medical science.

But to your question - why does it upset me that a space dedicated to the acceptance and inclusion and right of fat people to exist has been invaded by naysayers and angry ranting about idiots who're too stupid to count calories? Well for one thing, hating my body has always been a factor in my struggle against self-loathing and depression. There isn't a fat girl alive who wasn't shunned and bullied by her peers because of her body. But for another - the concerns about weight hindrance or body fat distribution or lack of exercise or fatty foods ring especially hollow when fat acceptance has never really been about bodily health, not really - it's about mental health. Though, obviously, the two are linked - hard to have one without the other. And that's part of the point.

See, fat shaming doesn't actually *work* to keep a population healthy, let alone thin. What it does is create mental health problems far greater than any physical health problems posed by excess body fat, and in fact it makes being physically healthy (and losing weight) harder for the fat person who is being shamed for their body. Take for example, exercise - people always laugh at fat bodies exercising. There are cringe compilations and covert pictures mocking fat people for going to the gym or going swimming or doing literally anything to try to get some exercise in. From what angle can you view this as anything but bad for the fat person's health? Dieting is also a problem - fat people are miserable enough because they've been taught to hate the bodies they have, so how do you expect them to give up on the basic pleasures of chocolate and wine? They're going to be mocked for their weight either way, and dieting is statistically unlikely to lead to weight loss anyway, so why would someone who is ashamed of their body try for a healthier diet or an exercise regime? Why put in the effort to take care of something you hate? There is also medical gatekeeping, where weight is presumed to take precedent over any other possible causality for physical ailments, to the point where some doctors refuse to even test for things they'd immediately test for in a thin person until their patient has lost X amount of weight. This can kill people. That's hardly promoting public health.

Even if fat was the be-all, end-all of health (which there is significant justification for disbelieving), clearly whatever the folks invading the fat acceptance tag think they're doing to help is harmful. Maybe they know this, and they don't care, or refuse to listen to information which contradicts their worldview, because bullying feels good, and they want to feel like they're saving the world. Maybe they do actually have some concerns, questions, fears about the dystopian fantasy they've been told is real - in which case, I hope what I've said helped you think a bit more about it.

TL;DR: Everybody - literally, every body - deserves to love itself regardless of whether it's the acceptable size or shape, regardless of whether or not that body is healthy. From what we've seen, it's self-love, not self-hate, which actually promotes health and self-care. Maybe losing fat would make people healthier, maybe not, but clearly whatever the fat shaming crowd are doing is the opposite of promoting health. Frankly, to me, they're indistinguishable from any other kind of bully.

[mooifyourecows]

Hey Moo, do you have any advice for me? I used to be a strong academic student, but these past two years in a prestigious program have made me doubt myself countless times. My grades now especially in online school are dropping. I complain to my friends but they wave it off because they assume I'm smart. I feel incompetent in my abilities and I'm so tired from attending every online class and feeling overwhelmed. Also 85% sure that due to quarantine I found out I have ADHD. What should I do?

Hey there Babe, first of all, I wanna say that wow I can totally empathize with you in a lot of ways.

Ever since I was little, I was considered “gifted” and “smart” and was put into advanced classes and courses. Everyone always talked about how smaaaart I was and how I was on the highest honor roll and how all the teachers loved me and I was totally gonna go to a nice university one day and be a doctor or a scientist or some sorta rich person blah blah blah. I mean... I was a GREAT test taker and problem solver after all. So of course that meant I was going to stay smart and never struggle, right???

Uhhh wrong. 

Because natural intellect can only get a person so far. And once you reach the peak of your natural intelligence, shit gets HARD. You can no longer rely on your ability to problem solve when the problems require special tactics that you didn’t hear the teacher teach you about because you were thinking about what you would do if you were stuck at the top of a ferris wheel with your crush and there were bad guys with knives there to get you so you have to use your cool main protagonist super powers to backflip off of the wheel and beat them all up with a roundhouse kick and oh, the bell is ringing, time to move to the next classroom..... 

Here’s the things about “gifted” kids. Our mental illnesses or disorders or whatever rarely get diagnosed when we are young. Because things like ADHD are supposed to make you struggle in school, right? You’re supposed to have a hard time paying attention and that’s supposed to be easy to spot because your grades are terrible, you know? How are the teachers or your parents supposed to know you’re struggling when you’re bringing home good grades????? And how are they supposed to notice you’re not actually paying attention when you are well aware that you will get in trouble if they know you’re not thinking about the right things so you’ve learned how to pretend to pay attention so well that they never even consider the possibility that it’s just ELEVATOR MUSIC going on in there while you carefully trace every single line on your notebook paper so that it’s a pleasant dark grey color instead of that lame ass sky blue bullshit it’s got goin on...??

They can’t. The teachers got all these other kids to worry about, some of them who are very OBVIOUSLY struggling with something, and your parents are not trained to recognize certain problems and just assume everything is peachy keen because your teacher hasn’t stapled any troubling and cryptic “we need to talk” notes to your backpack.

But here’s another thing about gifted kids. Your whole life, you’ve been fed this idea that you’re smart. You’re so smart. Look at how good your grades are. Look at how you’re in smart kid classes and your mom is bragging about how smart you are to her bitchy sister-in-law who thinks her son is going to be a rockstar even though he spends all his time smoking cigarettes instead of practicing his guitar collecting dust in the corner of his room. Your teachers praise you on your essays and you get smiley face stickers at the tops of spelling tests and Great work! written in green ink on your science projects and you can only take so much before you believe it wholeheartedly.

You believe you’re smart and good at school and going places because that’s what everyone is telling you. And because you believe it, when you DO start to struggle with absolutely ANYTHING academic, your very first- and often final- assumption is that it’s your own fault. 

It’s your fault that you don’t quite understand what’s going on in chemistry because as soon as your geriatric teacher starts droning on about literally anything, your mind does a big “FUCK THIS” and starts coming up with daydream scenarios where you write a book and they pick it up for a movie franchise and all the people who were ever mean to you in school now brag about how you were friends and they run into you on the street and try to buddy up to you but you’ve got a hottie on your arm and a sweet ass car and you get to be like “who are you?” before driving off and splashing them in a puddle and oh... the bell has rung and chemistry is over and you still don’t know anything about it.

“Gifted” kids have been fed this absolute lie that they’re just great at learning and they’ll never have to worry because they’re SMART and GIFTED and gifted kids stay gifted and smart forever! They’re geniuses! They’re so lucky because everything comes so naturally to them and they don’t even have to try ever!

Lies. But you believe it anyway.

So, when shit starts to get hard, you think that the reason why you’re struggling is because you are lazy. And you’re just a big ol’ shithead. You CHOOSE to daydream and not pay attention in class. It’s your fault. Because you’re supposed to be smart. You’re just deciding not to use your god given gifts and are instead being a lazy, shitty, bad sack of shit and you have nobody to blame but yourself so don’t even BOTHER complaining because it’s you, you, you, you, you.

And that’s wrong.

It’s not you.

If you think you have ADHD, then you probably have ADHD. 

It’s not what people have made you think it is in the past. It’s not “Omg SQUIRREL!” It’s not “look how wacky and energetic I am all the time haha I can’t pay attention because I have ADHD haha I’m so cute and wacky”. 

It’s so much more than that.

It’s your mind wandering constantly. 

It’s you staring out a window at a bird because it’s pretty and hopping around and you wonder if it’s going to notice that sunflower seed a tiny distance away and you reaaaally wanna watch longer and make sure just in case it DOES see it and then eats it and it will be so satisfying because you CALLED IT. 

It’s needing to look something up but every time you pick up your phone, you shuffle through tumblr and then twitter and then set it down, remember you needed to look something up, so you pick up your phone and shuffle through tumblr and then twitter and then tumblr again and then go to the bathroom and then stare into the refrigerator and then go sit down and remember you were going to look up that thing and then pick up your phone and

It’s watching a movie but feeling unsatisfied and understimulated so you get your Nintendo Switch and play some Stardew Valley or Animal Crossing while watching the movie and checking your phone but you swear you’re paying attention and it’s not because you’re bored or anything.

It’s trying really hard to pay attention to your teacher but suddenly you blink and she’s been talking for five minutes and you don’t remember any of it because your inner monologue went off on something maybe related but probably not.

It’s feeling the need to adjust your sitting position every ten to thirty seconds because you’re not comfy anymore and it’s distracting you, how uncomfy you are.

It’s starting one thing and immediately Not Feeling It anymore so you abandon it.

It’s knowing that you have that Thing that you need to do and you should do it you should totally do it because it needs to be done and if you don’t do it then nobody will do it and you gotta do it but you don’t do it because it sounds so tedious and overwhelming and long and boring and difficult even though it’s just folding the clothes that are in the dryer.

It’s trying to think and trying to think and trying to think but ten minutes have passed and the only thing you’ve been thinking about is how you’re really trying to think.

It’s feeling totally restless and like you should be doing something or you want to be doing something but there’s no something to be done or at least nothing that sounds interesting or fulfilling or maybe you’re too tired but still restless and it’s just frustration X100.

It’s finding that one thing that you really absolutely love and are interested in so you do it so much that you do absolutely nothing else and wow it’s 36 hours later and you’ve barely slept or eaten but damn you are on a ROLL with that THING that you LOVE so it’s okay 👌👌

If any of this sounds familiar to you then honestly there’s a really good chance that you do have ADHD. Or at least ADD. I don’t know the difference tbh. I looked it up once but I forgot. ADD doesn’t have the H. So, not so hyperactive? That’s what I assume I have because hyperactive aint in my vocabulary babyyyy. I’m underactive. I lack active. Maybe. I dunno. I’m no doctor. I’m scared of doctors. Which is why I’ve self diagnosed myself.

A lot of people will say “ugh, don’t self diagnose yourself. You’re probably wrong or making it up.”

And to those people I say shhhhuuuuuuut up. It’s true that people shouldn’t self diagnose themselves with some things. Like, hey, don’t self diagnose yourself with cancer because WebMD says you have some of the symptoms. Go to a doctor. Don’t self diagnose yourself with Autism because you aren’t good in social situations. Don’t self diagnose yourself with OCD because you like things to be neat and tidy.

But if you’re genuinely struggling with multiple symptoms of ADHD and it’s starting to affect your life, then man you PROBABLY have ADHD. It’s more common than people think. And it’s super easy for it to fly under the radar. Especially in “gifted” people who have made it to adulthood or almost adulthood without getting a diagnosis. Also if you’re female. Girls don’t get diagnosed as often as boys. Not because they don’t have it as often, but because boys just don’t know how to act. (just kidding, but seriously girls are more likely to be overlooked for their problems, not just with things like ADHD but like literally EVERYTHING so if anybody out there is a girl and you have been feeling like something isn’t right then PLEASE speak up about it because you deserve to be heard okay i love you)

Basically, being smart doesn’t mean that you’re not going to struggle. And your past experiences and accomplishments do not disprove the possibility that you are suffering from something like ADHD.

Don’t ignore it like I did. Don’t just think that you’re a lazy, stupid jerk who is directly to blame for all the struggling you’re going through like I did. 

Tell someone. Talk to your parents/guardians. Talk to your teacher. Tell them exactly what you’re struggling with and how it’s affecting your ability to learn and continue as you always have been. Go to a doctor! And don’t wave off your symptoms as “oh that’s just me being lazy” or something like that. Don’t downplay your experiences for anything. COMPLAIN, PLEASE.

One of my biggest regrets is that I didn’t complain enough as a kid. I was so focused on not being a burden, of being good and smart and “gifted” and totally disorder and mental illness free that I never complained about things that really really sucked for me. Don’t be scared, like I was.

And, I don’t know what sort of school you’re in right now, whether it be high school or college or whatever, but if you’re able to, take a break! If you’re in college and struggling to get through your courses with the online schooling and this possible ADHD thing then take a year off for when you can go back to class where it’s hopefully easier to learn. If you’re in high school and can’t exactly take a year off, please talk to your teachers and see if it’s possible to drop some of the advanced courses. I know this sounds like a bad idea because “Eek, I’ll fall behind or lose an opportunity for a scholarship or blah blah” but honestly??? Babe... you don’t need it. OBVIOUSLY TALK TO YOUR TEACHERS ABOUT THIS AND DON’T JUST TAKE MY WORD FOR IT but as an adult, I can at least reassure you that it’s not as important as they’ve been telling you.

I have this friend, and she busted her ASS all throughout high school. Took all the advanced courses and CRIED when she got anything less than an A. (seriously she was so distraught over an A- she got in one class, I could not fathom that sorta dedication to grades like holy fuck man. My entire high school mantra was “D is for Diploma” and she and I walked onto that graduation stage side by side wassup) She was so intense about getting these amazing grades and going through all these incredible and fast paced courses and guess what? Not worth it. She went through college with the same mentality and then came out on the other side like “Man what the fuck. WHY did I do that to myself?” She got her diploma with straight A’s just like her classmates with low C’s. And in the end, she had the same exact job opportunities as those low C students. 

The younger generations (millennials and Gen Z) have been fed LIES UPON LIES about excellency and going above and beyond and skipping grades and finishing early and choosing your forever career before you’re 25 and IT’S ALL BULLSHIT OKAY TRUST ME YOU DON’T NEED TO BE OUTSTANDING AT SCHOOL!!! AVERAGE IS MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH!!! TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND LIVE A HAPPY, CAREFREE YOUTH BECAUSE THAT’S THE THING THAT MATTERS IN THE END!!!!!!!! PEOPLE WHO DON’T GO TO SCHOOL ARE JUST AS VALUABLE AND WORTHY OF A FULFILLING LIFE AS PEOPLE WHO GO TO TWELVE YEARS AT A PRESTIGIOUS UNIVERSITY AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT!!!!

Ahem.

Anyway.

You do NOT have to live up to the expectations of others, okay? If your friends think that there’s no way you have ADHD because you’re smart then that’s THEIR problem, man. You are not responsible for their image of you! You’re allowed to be less than perfect and idealistic and What People Think You Are! 

I say it all the time about writing and creating and stuff, but please, lower your expectations. Not because you are disappointing and it’s lame to get your hopes up, but because lowering your expectations of yourself and your abilities means you will be kinder to yourself when you aren’t absolutely spectacular. 

And if there’s anybody in the world that should be kind to you, it’s you.

I hope this long and rambly answer is somewhat helpful to you Anon. Please take care and don’t be afraid to speak up when you need (or just want) to. You’re doing great and it’s okay to need help!

Stay safe and healthy, you are doing great. Keep it up. Love you 🖤

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

warnings: extremely negative feelings towards a sibling, distressing / intrusive thoughts. placed under a break due to the content of the message. remember, I'm not a mental health professional.

updated with additional viewpoints from readers at the bottom!

I'm sorry in advance.

I really hate my older sister. She never respects my boundaries, insults me frequently, and is just annoying and hypocritical in general.

I've always had these issues with her, but she lived at her own apartment away from me and the rest of my family, so I've been able to control my hatred of her. But last year in March she moved back in and sold her apartment. She has no plans of leaving anytime soon, and I can't stand her.

We shared a bedroom for about a year because we were also taking care of my cousin who also moved in with us last year. My cousin has since moved out, but my sister is unfortunately here to stay for a couple of years. But with extra space, I was able to move into the spare bedroom and thought that would be the end of my problems.

It wasn't. In fact, she has become even more unbearable. The hardest part of this relationship is that she has a weird obsession with being with me. I'm not sure if this is because she loves me, or she's just weird. I think she's weird because my parents never act like she does.

Our bedrooms are right next to each other. There's really no reason for her to miss me. But every single fucking minute she's coming into my room to bother me. I would have more empathy for her if she acknowledged my limits, but she doesn't.

She's constantly cuddling me after I've said for MONTHS that I don't enjoy it and it makes me uncomfortable. She constantly belittles me by saying I couldn't live without her, and that I would be a mess if it wasn't for her (mind you, I've lived without her at the house for YEARS and I was perfectly fine). She's constantly in my business, interrogating me about every little thing. She once locked the door and wouldn't let me leave the room without answering her questions for 20 minutes; she asked me about a $30 Amazon order containing manga I ordered with MY OWN MONEY. And I had permission for my parents to order it! It wasn't her business whatsoever.

I've tried to keep her out numerous times; I've gotten in trouble for it. My parents say I'm being mean and that this is her way of loving me. What I feel like they ignore is that I'M UNCOMFORTABLE. Her way of "loving me" HURTS.

I've tried communication. I've had multiple meetings with my family about my boundaries and they say they'll change, but they never do.

Another factor that worsens this is that I have borderline personality disorder. I'm currently being denied therapy or intervention of any kind. I get told my mental illness is a result of me having an attitude and hating my family.

I writing this to you because I've been having very alarming thoughts recently. I'm been somewhat suicidal as long as I can remember, but this is different. I've been having nightmares about killing my family/my family killing me. I don't want to kill my family. As much as they have abused me, I know they truly love me deep down. But when I'm in a mental breakdown, I don't think for the most part. I'm afraid I'm going to do something to hurt them if they continue to push me. I'm too scared to turn myself into the police and I don't want to be taken away from my home. I truly need therapy, but it's expensive and I'm not allowed to get it.

Are there any options left for me? I love my family and I want to get better, but I can't stand them. It'll be a while before I can live on my own, and I don't think I'll make it that long.

I'm so sorry.

I appreciate that you came to me, however, please remember I am not a mental health professional.

I do not have the best relationship with my family. I've come to accept that they just exist and I moved away from them. I keep a strict level of familiarity with them for my own sanity and well-being. There are people in my immediate family I don't talk to anymore or only speak to in certain situations, with other people around to buffer my emotions. No one in my family understands or respects my mental health issues and I have ceased talking about it with them.

I will admit, I had to ask for help. I'm going to share the answer of someone I trust, because they are much more level-headed when it comes to something like this.

Use different words with your sister. Instead of "I'm mad or annoyed", use words that bring out more empathy - "You're making me sad and uncomfortable. You're hurting me." Anger is usually perceived as something within you, something you must control. But sadness is usually not perceived in the same light. People usually see sadness as something that has a cause and perhaps letting her know that she is the cause will have an effect on her. Using different words when speaking to her may slowly change her perspective.

When it comes to your parents, well, parents do not usually understand sibling dynamics. They're fucking useless most of the time when it comes to problems specifically between siblings. It might be better if you say something like, "Her constant intrusions are affecting my school work. My grades are going to drop." Usually, parents respond more urgently if you say you education is affected - and it doesn't matter if it's true or not, we're just trying to get them to help in some way.

I had to remind them it's summertime lol

Oh shit, you're right. Er. Well, In any case, it seems you've tried having reasonable discussions with your parents and it doesn't seem helpful to continue discussing this particular topic with them. Maybe get into fitness since it's summertime. Go outside, do something active. She can't cuddle you if you're running, right? Then you can also be stronger and feeling better physically improves mental health. Put some music on, go hiking or running, take yourself out of the situation.

I don't know if this is possible, but perhaps if you're experiencing a mental breakdown and you're afraid of hurting your family, run out of the house? It might be better to be physically away from them at that time to avoid saying or doing anything you regret. It may help clear your head and help your family realize that this is something that is truly debilitating to you.

I don't know your age, so I don't know if the school thing is relevant. It's only a suggestion.

You said it will be a while before you can live on your own. When I knew the cons of living with my family outweighed the pros, I did everything in my power to prepare myself for leaving because I needed a goal in order to survive. I needed distractions, reading, writing, gaming, music, anything else to occupy my mind and help control my thoughts. There was a time when I needed music to fall asleep (headphones in on low volume).

Also... uh.

I'm not saying you should do this. I'm only saying I did.

My siblings and I have physically fought before. One has scars from fighting me. The scarred one is the one closest to me currently.

Not saying you should do it.

But I did.

If anyone feels comfortable enough to share how they dealt with it in their own situation, please do. Maybe more perspectives can help this person.

--

some other experiences sent to me:

anon #1

I don't think I had a situation that extreme but my brother was a little like that. I honestly had to become kinda rude and indifferent. Like he'd always use my laptop and stuff and I put passwords on everything and just don't tell him. And then when he tried to hug or cuddle id say I don't liek it and just push him away physically now this soudns fucking obvious when I say it this way but like I don't think I read that u tried it ? Idk I discovered I have a loud annoying scream that neighbours will hear, and fucking strokg legs I used to kick him away but like I was tiny so I don't really endorse violence but I didnt like being close to a 'boy' essentially at taht age so yea... Idk man siblings are weird and I have had intrusive thoughts so I think I didn't handle it well but for a few years I became an asshole to him and then now I'm good with talking sometimes and I keep it short and sweet and I've mentioned that I'm sorry for being mean in the past bcuz like I am ? Bcuz I'm not an asshole ? ( But like I did what I had to do ) I hope u get the help and support u need

anon #2

I read the message from the previous anon and I have to say I relate to what they say. I wouldn’t say i’ve completely dealt with the situation when it comes to my parents.

I have 4 siblings and i’m the oldest, my sister that’s 2 years younger than me always gets in my way and is a tyrant. Because she’s much taller than me she overpowers me and i also have scars from when we’ve fought. My parents don’t intervene because they say we’ll make up soon and I honestly can’t stay mad at people for long. I also live with my parents and am not able to move out anytime soon until I get my degree.

A few weeks ago my mother was complaining to my father that I don’t help around the house and all that bullshit but it’s obviously not true. Anyway. My father came into my room and threw all my clothes from my cupboards on the floor and said my sister and I must get out of his house. He was literally pulling us and we were crying because where the hell would we go. My smaller siblings were begging for him not to chase us out of the house but he was ballistic. He was constantly throwing insults at me, calling me selfish and disrespectful. I was having a mental breakdown and I said i hope that God takes my life away because i’m too weak to do it myself. I kept saying that and when my parents heard me. They called me crazy and were laughing at me and said i should take it back because instead of me another one of my family members would go.

My parents don’t care about mental health and therapy. It’s all unnecessary to them. But after that night I tried to find my own way of getting rid of the negative thoughts, I choose to ignore what everyone tells me. I agree with everything that you said about trying to get away from their family when they have those thoughts. I try meditation and praying. I’m not sure if that person follows any religion but that’s what helped me. And writing can be cathartic. Also remember that you’re not alone, there are so many people out there who share your sorrows and can relate to your situation. I think about my little siblings who i’m close to and what it would be like if i wasn’t there.

Maybe if they could get a pet? I know having a pet can make you feel less alone and you feel a sense of responsibility towards them. As for their sister, she needs to see their point of view and tell her that she makes her feel overwhelmed with the things she does. She can spend time with her and try to make her understand that they need their space too.

anon #3

I also have sum advice 4 the sibling anon frm a fellow bpd buddy:

Does ur view of ur sister change from "i hate her" to "she's alright" sometimes? Viewing sum1 as all bad or all good is common in bpd ppl and usually changes alot. I rec writing down the moments where she shows she loves u. This could be thru buying smth for u or doing smth 4 u. I had a similar relationship w a friend and this exercise helped me remember that she might not have intentions to hurt me and might b trying 2 bond. Repairing the relationship might take a while. Talk alot if u can, it seems like ur family is at least willing to hear u out, even if there behavior doesn't change much. Keep sum distance if needed. Working out and finding fun hobbies is good.

If u feel like ur breaking down, try breathing exercises n identify 5 things u notice thru ur senses. What do u feel? What do u smell? What do u taste? What do u see? What do u hear? I personally like taking myself down rabbit holes. For example: I see a yellow jacket > this shade of yellow is a cool tone > what makes a color "cool" or "warm" > why do we associate red with warmth > what if the sun was blue > what if ocean water looked orange > is water wet

I usually end up forgetting what was making me upset. If it was a big deal I would still remember, but at least I would b less emotional and a bit more rational.

Search up cognitive behavior therapy and dialectical behavior therapy and try 2 practice sumthing similar 2 exercises u would perform w a therapist. Squeeze stress balls. Masturbate (this blog is perfect 4 that lol). Maybe watch some videos done by therapists on youtube. I watched a couple of videos abt therapists reacting 2 fighting in movies and I learned alot (this video was very fun to watch)!

Anyway that's what helps me! Good luck 2 u!!!

[veryvincible]

Ive seen a few blogs talking about Tony Stark with OCD and I was wondering what your thoughts on it were? I know it's not canon but would it be an okay headcanon?

Oh, goodness. This is a doozy.

First of all, I do want to give the obligatory "any headcanon is okay" when it comes to stuff like this, because some people do pick up comfort characters that aren't exactly like them and then use headcanons to push their characterization around until they become a more efficient catharsis vessel, and there's really nothing wrong with that in a space where characters are pushed around all the time anyway. Your headcanons are yours, and you interact with media how it best suits you. Just don't go talking like this is The Way The Character Absolutely Definitely Is, because not only is that misleading, but also it's kind of stepping on other people who need different headcanons for other reasons.

Now that that's out of the way.

You've come to the right place! I have actually been diagnosed with OCD and have been dealing with it now for a long, long while; funnily enough, the OCD is what led me to worry about the OCD, which is what led me to research the OCD in-depth for many, many years. Not to brag or anything. B) Like, literally not to brag, because it's a mental illness. Anyway, jokes aside.

I'm going to go by the DSM-5 and personal experience with the diagnostic process for now. I know some people have their gripes with the DSM, but it's what we're going with.

Before that, though, I do want to lay some things down here. Though it's not outlined by the DSM exactly, it's common among mental health professionals and people with OCD to categorize different symptoms based on causes of OCD. Because OCD is inherently ego-dystonic, your intrusive thoughts are going to attack whatever it is you care about most-- people with primarily contaminant symptoms might fear illness, people with primarily aggressive symptoms might fear hurting others, etc. There's no standard for what these categories are, really. Different places teach different things, and some people disregard them entirely. But it's good to know they're out there, some examples being contaminant and aggressive OCD as mentioned before, as well as pathologic doubt/completeness, religion, self-control, and superstition. There are more, less, or different categories depending on where you look, so we can just leave that there.

Now, onto the actual diagnostic criteria.

In order to be diagnosed with OCD, you need the presence of obsessions OR compulsions, OR both. So, you kind of don't need the whole set to have OCD, though it's argued that some people view "primarily obsessive" and "primarily compulsive" types of OCD as... plain old OCD. "Pure O OCD" especially has been criticized, as its based entirely on the concept of compulsions being in one's head as opposed to external, which then raises the question of whether or not we're defining mental illness by the sufferers or the observers. Regardless, this is what the current DSM says: obsessions, compulsions, or both.

They must be time-consuming (>1hr/day), cause clinically significant distress, or cause impairment in social, occupational, or other areas of functioning. So, could you be considered OCD if you're perfectly functional to the outside world but dysfunctional psychologically? Yes! Could you be considered OCD if you're mostly okay with the compulsions (often seen in people who believe their compulsions are rational responses to rational fears), but you can't function in day-to-day life? Yes! OCD is defined by how it affects you, and there are so, so many ways that it can do that.

The symptoms of OCD can't be caused by physiological effects of substance abuse or other medical conditions.

The disturbance cannot be better explained by the symptoms of another disorder (i.e. if excessive worries are better explained by an anxiety disorder, you're more likely to be diagnosed with something along the lines of GAD; if your difficulty discarding possessions is more in line with a hoarding disorders, you're more likely to be diagnosed with a hoarding disorder). One thing I would like to mention here is that this is often where the DSM breaks down when it comes to practice rather than theory. I'd like to specifically outline the example under this segment of the DSM that refers to "guilty ruminations, as in major depressive disorder". By these guidelines, would you be able to have both MDD and OCD if your OCD has mostly intrusive symptoms?

Well, yes, actually. There's a lot of discourse surrounding it, but here's the thing. Diagnosis is something meant to put you into a category so you can either seek treatment or get accommodations. For mental illnesses, physical illnesses... anything. This is it. I myself have both MDD and OCD, and part of why this is, is because there's an overlap between symptoms... but that's all it is. An overlap, borderlining comorbidity. And there are plenty of people who have similar diagnoses.

You'll see why I'm bringing this up in a second.

Let's go back to the diagnostic criteria and take it one-by-one.

Obsessions are defined by (1) and (2):

Recurrent and persistent thoughts, urges, or images that are experienced, at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and unwanted, and that in most individuals cause marked anxiety or distress. The individual attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, urges, or images, or to neutralize hem with some other thought or action (i.e., by performing a compulsion).

Does Tony experience obsessions? Well, he very well could.

There used to be a criterion in the now-outdated DSM-IV that outlined obsessions could NOT be "simply excessive worries about real-life problems." But in the DSM-5, this was dropped. So, an obsession, by current standards, most certainly can be defined as an excessive worry about real-life problems.

Whether or not Tony's worry is excessive is debatable. We're all aware of Clint's sentiment in New Avengers that basically boils the team's state of being down to "we're extraordinary people, so we have extraordinary problems." Tony's worries are extraordinary, but... are they excessive?

I could go either way on this argument. Due to Tony's massive influence and his feelings of responsibility, we can all see why these worries might be considered realistic and average. But it's those feelings of responsibility that would make a better argument for "excessiveness"; he has taken the stance quite a few times that he's been "the only one who could see what needed to be done", or something akin to that, at least. It's not just that he has serious problems and he's concerned about serious solutions. It's that he feels such a sense of responsibility and guilt that every single problem on the planet happens to be a problem he's obligated to consider by his own standards, and if he doesn't consider those problems, he's an awful garbage man. Again, by his own standards.

One could also easily argue that he could fall prey to both aggressive-type obsessions and pathologic doubt-type obsessions, given that he's terrified of hurting people or causing harm unknowingly and that he's never 100% sure of himself, always "almost certain", and often looking to others (like Happy in Civil War, for example) to vent and try to half-validate himself as someone who really is doing the right thing.

These very obviously cause him distress, and one could argue that his Atlas-like anxiety with regards to keeping the world afloat is a huge factor in his mental cycle of thinking he's not doing enough, which means he's not enough, which means he deserves to die, which means he actually should die if he's not doing anything right, which means he has to try really, really hard to do things right, but he'll never do everything he needs to do, so he's not doing enough, so he's not enough, so he deserves to die.

And the alcoholism could easily come into play here, being a default coping mechanism for almost anything he'd encountered, obsessive or otherwise.

Now for compulsions.

Compulsions are defined by (1) and (2):

Repetitive behaviors (e.g., hand washing, ordering, checking) or mental acts (e.g., praying, counting, repeating words silently) that the individual feels driven to perform in response to an obsession or according to rules that must be applied rigidly. The behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing anxiety or distress, or preventing some dreaded event or situation; however, these behaviors or mental acts are not connected in a realistic way with what they are designed to neutralize or prevent, or are clearly excessive.

So, we're going back to the obsessions outlined earlier. One thing I neglected to mention there was what he's referred to as one of his biggest fears, and I neglected to mention it because of how it ties into potential compulsions.

He's mentioned that someone "taking over his brain" is possibly the worst thing that could happen to him, given that he is a man with incredible influence and incredible intelligence and if his mind falls into the wrong hands, it could have (and has had) disastrous consequences. We see a lot of Tony trying to protect his mind as a result, always having backups, always having alternatives, always having contingency plans. This could also be considered a response to an obsession with regards to “mental contamination”, which makes sense.

It's similar with the responsibility-induced anxiety; he made how many AIs, now? He quite literally can't let himself die. He needs to be up, awake, present, alive. He needs to continue doing The Right Thing. We see the same sorts of behaviors even when he's alive and kicking-- he's often in his lab into the late hours of the night. He canonically works multiple jobs at his company. He runs around holding babies around the world, for God's sake. He believes everything deserves to be cared for, loved, and he believes he has to be the one to love it, and so he does, taking up so much of his time and so much of his energy every single day in a desperate attempt to make sure he's done all he can.

This is a man whose every day life could be considered scheduled compulsions if you really wanted it to be, one after the other, in a never-ending cycle of behaviors that he canonically won't ever be satisfied with.

Tony certainly could have obsessions. He certainly could have compulsions. He certainly could have OCD.

It's worth it to mention that self-blame, even for the smallest little details, is extremely common in people with OCD, and... That's also a very Tony thing, isn't it?

All that to say...

Do I think he does?

Well, not... really. I mean, I don't very, very strongly believe that he doesn't. And a lot of neurodivergent people have created incredibly thorough explanations as to why a character not intended to be one way might still be that way-- not even as a headcanon, but quite literally, they just are that way. This is especially common among characters coded (intentionally or otherwise) to have things like autism and ADHD. Whether or not a character "has" something is difficult to decipher, but if you can outline all the symptoms and you can't come up with any other explanation for them, then, well... You've got a neurodivergent character on your hands.

But that's the thing. You certainly can explain Tony's feelings and decisions with a diagnosis of MDD and alcohol abuse. You can. Plenty of people don't really want to, especially with some more toxic beliefs in the mental health community that regard less stigmatized illnesses as somehow also less severe or less validating, and regards MDD as "just depression" in a way that more stigmatized illnesses aren't. 

I don't feel terribly represented in Tony as someone with OCD-- I feel represented with almost every aspect of his struggles with mental health, but I rarely ever read through comics going, "there! There's my OCD thing!" Which isn't to say that it's never happened on a subconscious level, because... I mean, illness bleeds into every aspect of you. It's terribly difficult to find where one part of you ends and the other begins when there's so much overlap. But personally, Tony having OCD isn’t something that I really consider when I read or write (which is part of why I like having Ty Stone around so much-- I can pin a bunch of shit on him that I think Tony doesn’t have, and then I get to write everything I want while still keeping things true to the way I see them).

There are other sufferers of OCD who must certainly relate to Tony, and probably exclusively go "There's my OCD thing!" while reading his comics. I can see why.

So, again.

Do I think he has OCD? Eh. Not really my thing. But I think canon does what canon does, mental illnesses have plenty of overlap, and he meets the criteria enough that if you were to say he had both MDD and OCD, I wouldn't feel any reason to argue, especially if you’re saying it to better relate to him.