#it’s all I’ve ever wanted to be and rn it’s treating me like shit

[shewantsitall]

Tomorrow is career dress up day for my kids as part of red ribbon week and we’re supposed to participate soooo I’m considering my options. Like. Do I wear scrubs and say that I want to do medical coding when I grow up? Bc honestly it’s tempting. Could I get away with wearing PJs and saying that I want to be a mattress tester?

[xo-myloves]

I have another request but i dont wanna be the weird bitch who keeps asking for imagines lmao 😫😫😫😫 but like if you ever feel like it and you don't need to write it right now or anything BUT IF YOU WANT TO could you do a slash(him rn, oldie) imagine when y/n is friends with london and his relationship isnt going well so Y/N is like his young side bitch LMAO 👉👈😮‍💨 so whenever he fights with his wife he comes to you and like you cook for him and you watch movies etc and y/n makes him feel young and whatever else and HOT!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT THIS MAN NAKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really love your writing btw 🫶

it’s okay request as much as you want 😋

(Omg this photo from when he was in velvet revolver🙂‍↔️)

WARNING ‼️ (smut, fingering, pet names, overstimulation, age gap,) I think that’s all🥲

𝚂𝙸𝙳𝙴 𝙸𝚂𝙽𝚃 𝙰𝙻𝚆𝙰𝚈𝚂 𝙱𝙰𝙳

I’ve been friends with this guy named London, he used to go to my high school until we graduated, and we stayed in touch, and guess fucking what, this motherfuckers dad was slash.

Yes the slash.

The fucking guitar player for Guns ‘N’ Roses, my favorite band of all time, I grew up on them, my dad basically raised me on them, and I even started playing guitar because of slash, and now I knew the fucker?

Did I tell London this? No fucking way, he would never let me over, it had to be obvious though, every time I go over there, I’m like a horny spaze over his father, and best believe when I graduated, I lived there basically, did slash have a wife. Yes.

That’s didn’t fucking stop me.

I would always be around him, like a lost puppy, London didn’t notice as much, but slash had too. It was pathetic, wearing subjective clothing, and showing off my breasts since I knew he had a thing for them, it’s not like I haven’t seen his instagram.

But it didn’t seem wrong, we were close, did his wife hate me? Fucking probably, but I honestly didn’t care, she was a bitch to him, and I know I could treat him better.

All I wanted was to be with that man, he was everything I ever wanted, he was a huge horror movie fan, loved music, fucking played the music I loved, and we loved a lot of the same topics, and when I would sleepover, I would go downstairs, knowing slash was a night owl, we would just sit on his couch and talk for hours.

Recently something has been off, London didn’t want to tell me, but I could tell slash and meegan were having problems, I heard them arguing earlier in the day, I tried to talk to him, but he pushed me away, he didn’t want to talk to anyone, it honestly made me upset.

All I wanted was to hold him and play with his hair and tell him how great he is, how he doesn’t deserve her, how I could be better. I can be better. I would be better.

And tonight was like any other night, I was sleeping over at Londons house, I was sitting in his room, bored as all hell, he was out, snoring and everything, so I made my way downstairs, originally wanting to get water, but kinda wishing slash was down there. Maybe I could talk to him about everything.

I tried to be quiet walking down the stairs, they were always so damn creaky.

As I made my way down to the stairs, I heard panting almost? I was confused, as I got to the bottom step, I saw the back of slash head, only his silhouette, since the TV was on, it lit him up.

But his head was throw back, and I realized he was the one that was panting, I got closer to only see him jerking himself off, my legs almost gave up on themselves.

My heat pooled, felt like it was going down my legs, I put my hand over my mouth, trying not to make a sound, but I had a wave of confidence go threw my body, and I walked right up to him, standing in front of him.

Trying not to cringe at myself, I hated being confident, but around him, I felt like I could.

“Oh shit, fuck, sorry.” Slash looked up in worry, covering himself, getting the blanket next to him, I started nodding my head “no” right away.

“No, no, no it’s okay, let me help.” I whispered the last part, sitting down next to him, he raised an eyebrow, I tried to put my head in his thigh and I wanted to rub it up to his member, but he stopped my hand with his.

His eyes went big, I could see his member through the blanket, my pussy was throbbing at this point, “y/n… come on, you know we can’t.” He had a smile on his face, it almost like he wanted too, but he knew he couldn’t.

I smiled at him back, there was so much sexual tension, it wasn’t even funny, are hands were still on top of each others, “slash, let me make you feel good.” I whined to him, squeezing his hand slightly, he looked around, then grabbed my waist, putting me in his lap, grabbing my face, and slamming his lips onto mine.

I felt euphoric. I felt like I was on cloud 9, I have always wanted this moment, for fucking years. Feeling his shaft under me, was… I couldn’t even explain.

His hands traveled to my ass, his hands were soft, yet rough, he massaged my ass softly, kissing down my neck, I couldn’t help myself from grinding on him, I saw his eyebrow go up, “you’re one eager little girl, aren’t ya?” He spoke in a soft deep tone.

“I can’t help it, I mean, look where we are.” I giggled, putting my hands around his neck, titling my head, looking into his eyes, before grinding one more time, it was so fucking amazing, I felt him. Since he only had the blanket under him.

“Can you be quiet?” He grinned, kissing my lips once more, slinging his hand that was previously on my ass to the front of my stomach, I looked down as he started to play with the hem of my shorts.

I nodded my head, biting my lips barely, all I needed was him. I needed something. Anything.

He smiled, pulling down my shorts, I lifted up, leaving them on the ground, leaving my only in my Lacey black thongs, his finger tips went down to my clit, playing with it so softly.

My lips parted at his action, my eyes had a glaze over them, he licked his lips, loving how he had me, only after a few touch’s. “Just stay quiet doll.” He smiled, laying a kiss my exposed neck.

I gave a small whimper in response, he brought his full fingers to my clit, rubbing it roughly now, his other hand was behind my neck now, making me look at him.

“Does this feel good honey?” He was so soft, so gentle. I loved every moment. “Yes, yes, it really does.” I whined, as he slide his fingers down to my entrance, teasing it softly, before slipping his middle finger into me.

Pumping it in and out, making me moan quietly, I gasped when he pushed his second digit into me. “Stay quiet, you don’t wanna get in trouble? Don’t ya? We wouldn’t want that now.” He smirked, bringing my head to the crook of his neck.

After he said those words, I was invested, I needed to know what “trouble” was, whatever it was or is, I needed it. Now.

Soooo I started moaning louder, louder than I should’ve, even though I was in his neck, it was definitely still audible, he pulled me by my hair to make me look at him.

“I told you to be quiet, now shut the fuck up.” He gritted through his teeth, I didn’t even notice that he took off the blanket, pulling his fingers out of me, whining at the lost of him, and then he just slammed into me, giving me now warning, and his thrusts were fast and hard.

He wasn’t stopping anytime soon.

My eyes shoot open, mouth parted wider, and I brought myself closer to him. He grabbed my ass, pounding into me, his hand that was on my hair, is now on my mouth, forcing me to be quiet.

Fuck this is going to be a long night.

𝙾𝙽𝙴 𝙷𝙾𝚄𝚁 𝙻𝙰𝚃𝙴𝚁

“FUCK SLASH, NO MORE, IM SO FUCKING SENSITIVE!” I yelled at the top of my lungs, we were in his bedroom now, he had me bent over his bed, still pounding into me, I already cummed four times…

I know.

I felt a hand slap my ass, and I went to look back, his head was fully back, his thrusts got sloppy, I knew he was close, finally.

He grabbed my hips, using me, not caring what I said, it’s not like it didn’t feel good. It was so much at once.

I loved every moment.

“S-SHIT FUCK.” His voice got higher, shooting his seed into me, coating my walls, my legs trembling, I felt his body weight in my back, after he came he just laid on top of me for a good minute. I giggled softly, at this action, he rolled over next to me, looking to the side at me.

“Well, that was…. Um, unexpected.” He chuckled, moving his hair off his sweaty forehead, grabbing my waist, bringing me closer to his sweaty torso. “ I’ve always wanted to do that.” I mumbled under my breath, he scooted up the bed, laying in the middle of the bed with me in his big muscular arms, his hair tickling my shoulder.

“I know, I know.” He laughed, kissing my cheek, before getting off the bed. “Where ya going?” I looked up, he smiled at me, “I’m fucking showering, I have too many body fluids on me.” I laughed at his joke, realizing he was right.

fuck that was a night.

𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙽𝙴𝚇𝚃 𝙼𝙾𝚁𝙽𝙸𝙽𝙶

after a good night sleep in slash’s arms, his shampoo filling my nostrils, having clean clothes on both of our body’s, I was worried his wife was going to walk in on us, but thank fuck she wasn’t coming home anytime soon, she went on a business trip or whatever slash said, I kinda zoned out.

While he was still sleeping like a baby, I decided to be the wife he should have, making him a hearty warm breakfast, when I started cooking the bacon, he immediately got up, walking to the kitchen.

“Are you cooking?” Slash said in a sleepy tone, leaning against the counter, tilting his head, with a big smile on his face, I nodded my head, not looking away from the pan, scared I was going to get burned.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist, and a kiss on my neck, “you doing this for me doll?” He spoke in a whisper tone, my heart felt so warm at his touch.

“I wanted to show you, I could be a better wife.” I heard a deep chuckle from him, making my panties getting wet all over again, even though my body was covered with bruises, hickeys, marks, anything imaginable.

“You proved that last night doll.”

(Sorry it took so long)

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

cry tears of puddles on ground here some incoherent snippets of what text partner about silco jinx father daughter dynamic that am going insane over rn hands n knees on ground begging sobbing n too busy do that to clean up or be coherent - n idk how much actual media analysis support by show evidence n how much it just me imagine things self insert wishful thinking - n there also may be from a few to many undescribed screenshots of season 1 because god have 100+ in camera roll

.

weak for father child esp found father child trope imperfect father but i will love you unconditionally i will try to be the best father can be for you even if i am irreparably messed up and so are you & imperfect child traumatized act out slowly losing grip with reality n will lash out will be rebellious ruin us all but you’ll be the best father i’ve ever had

(no diss on vanco tho)

him clumsily lift arm n hesitate n not know what to do not know if he should do not know how to do

subtle facial expression from “what’s going on what do i do” -> sadness (for powder n for his younger self) -> anger n determined n vengeful (for power n for his younger self) in span of seconds

“you’re my daughter. i’ll never forsake you.”

“don’t cry. you’re perfect.” AS HIS LAST WORDS

“show them. we’ll show them all” his voice echo after his death as she shoot missile. n she did. she did!!!!! to have so many people growing up not believe in her think her useless say that to her face - n her figure out how to use gemstone BY SELF with no previous guide!!! with no upside tech with only what she can get there!! build bombs now even viktor n jace n those people say near impossible disassemble without explode in face. n entire time silco believe in her BELIEVE IN HER SUPPORT HER. WE’ll show them. WE. n THEY DID!!!! they did!!! together!!!! he’s dead by time she fire missile but they really did. the fact his voice echo with her as she do it, fact that animation flash to his body as she do it— also fact that. every step of way they did. she top most demanded by name person, most threatening person.

doctor scene “are you ready to lose her” “she can take it.” FATHER

believing in her bc she can because she HIS daughter n HIS daughter can take it n also believing in her because he needs to he needs her so she will take it she make it she HAS TO because he can’t lose her he can’t be without her

a father who did objectively HORRIBLE things. with SHITTY morals but also REALLY HOPEFUL (word choice) ones in twisted way.

be complicated character who is shitty for flooding undercity with drugs be drug lord but in same time doing that because he truly want zaun freedom - like think it important emphasize its. not HIM be ruler of zaun at least not directly phrased that way but fact that zaun freedom. like he very much could just directly say “one day zaun be free n am rule over” but he didn’t say second part. he not altruistic by any means but also!!!! he is???

all that complicated cruel will-do-anything-to-achieve-his-goal-beyond-himself villain-ness in direct contract with having the ONE SOFT SPOT of his daughter who FUCKS SHIT UP who is DIFFICULT who UNCONTROLLABLE UNPREDICTABLE n he loves her UNCONDITIONALLY he spoils her gives her so many lee way

the fact that someone so fucked up someone so actively make things difficult for him. can be loved

no am don’t have issues at all

also calling jinx difficult n fucked up n ruin things with all love in world not in derogatory way. because. it’s like. am fucked up. am difficult. am severely traumatized. am want burn whole world down for leaving me behind for betray me. in many people eye am more trouble me than am worth. n idea of. a father who love me just the way that am call me perfect. even if. [ ].

n to call someone like that. perfect

n to. mean it.

to genuinely see n treat her as perfect

even after she mistakenly shoot you killing you - to be constantly put in jeopardy by her fucked up ness to be harmed n killed by her fucked up ness. to see mistake as just that - mistake. n to forgive you for that no questions asked to love you unconditionally despite that or even because of that. for her mistake cost you your life n for your last word be tell her don’t cry, that she perfect.

down to willing give up his whole dream whole goal whole purpose he fought for all these fucking years - thing he gave his entire life towards.

because he refuse give her up he refuse leave her abandon her use her as pawn

“you’re my daughter. i’ll never forsake you.” like genuinely truly believe he mean this he truly won’t take the deal with upside even if that mean zaun freedom because he refuse abandon jinx. he not just saying it to be manipulative or just saying be lying because he’s tied up with her have gun beside her he know she very much may fire

his “everyone betrayed you/us but i’ll never. am gave you everything” may be see as “you have no one but me” manipulative n maybe is but more importantly think that like. he genuinely believe that. like that his entire character origin. his entire motive.

the fact that she killed him n he don’t blame her one bit.

the fact the villain character clumsily learning how to take care of a child

he truly see her n treat her like her daughter not a pawn not a subject. more times than not instead of have her on leash as his subject he is leashed by her

to be so utterly broken n love someone

to be so utterly broken n be loved unconditionally by someone

two character who betrayed by entire world by people who once closest to them

n him swearing that he will never ever fucking do that to her. that they may not have other people they may have entire world against them but they have each other

n him FOLLOWING THAT down to his last breath

him not following that would have make his life n make more than his life so much easier

BUT HE REFUSE TO

also he didn’t betray her by lying to her that her sister is dead he genuinely believed her sister dead. leading to the funniest frame n line ever

“FROM THE DEAD???????”

[rockalillygirl]

Mamma mia here we go again…

So I have more thoughts because apparently there’s no bottom to the murderbot mindhole I’ve fallen down.

(Spoiler warning- minor stuff from several of the books, pls check tags etc.)

I’ve been reading a lot of things recently exploring Murderbot as an unreliable narrator, which I think is a cool result of System Collapse (because we all know our beloved MB is going through it in this one). There’s also been some interesting related discussion of MB’s distrust of and sometimes biased assessment/treatment of other constructs and bots.

And I’ve been reading a lot about CombatUnits! And I want to talk about them!!

Main thoughts can be summarized as follows:

We don’t see a lot about CombatUnits in the books, and I think what we do see from MB’s pov encourages the reader to view them as less sympathetic than other constructs.

I’m very skeptical of this portrayal for reasons.

The existence of CombatUnits makes me fucking sad and I have a lot of feelings about them!

I got introduced to the idea of MB as an unreliable narrator in a post by onironic It analyzes how in SC, MB seems to distrust Three to a somewhat unreasonable degree, and how it sometimes infantilizes Three or treats it the way human clients have treated it in the past. The post is Amazing and goes into way more detail, so pls go read it (link below):

https://www.tumblr.com/onironic/736245031246135296?source=share

So these ideas were floating around in my brain when I read an article Martha Wells recently published in f(r)iction magazine titled “Bodily Autonomy in the Murderbot Diaries”. I’ll link the article here:

(Rn the only way to access the article is to subscribe to the magazine or buy an e-copy of the specific issue which is $12)

In the article, Wells states that MB displaced its fear of being forced to have sex with humans onto the ComfortUnit in Artificial Condition. I think it’s reasonable to assume that MB also does this with other constructs. With Three, I think it’s more that MB is afraid if what it knows Three is capable of, or (as onironic suggests in their post and I agree with) some jealousy that Three seems more like what humans want/expect a rogue SecUnit to be.

But I want to explore how this can be applied to CombatUnits, specifically.

We don’t learn a lot about them in the books. One appears for a single scene in Exit Strategy, and that’s it. What little else we know comes from MB’s thoughts on them sprinkled throughout the series. To my knowledge, no other character even mentions them (which raises interesting questions about how widely-known their existence is outside of high-level corporate military circles).

When MB does talk about CombatUnits in the early books, it’s as a kind of boogeyman figure (the real “murderbots” that even Murderbot is afraid of). And then when one does show up in ES, it’s fucking terrifying! There’s a collective “oh shit” moment as both MB and the reader realize what it’s up against. Very quickly what we expect to be a normal battle turns into MB running for its life, desperately throwing up hacks as the CombatUnit slices through them just as fast. We and MB know that it wouldn’t have survived the encounter if its humans hadn’t helped it escape. So the CombatUnit really feels like a cut above the other enemies in the series.

And what struck me reading that scene was how the CombatUnit acts like the caricature of an “evil robot” that MB has taught us to question. It seems single-mindedly focused on violence and achieving its objective, and it speaks in what I’d call a “Terminator-esque” manner: telling MB to “Surrender” (like that’s ever worked) and responds to MB’s offer to hack its governor module with “I want to kill you” (ES, pp 99-100).

(Big tangent: Am I the only one who sees parallels between this and how Tlacey forces the ComfortUnit to speak to MB in AC? She makes it suggest they “kill all the humans” because that’s how she thinks constructs talk to each other (AC, pp 132-4). And MB picks up on it immediately. So why is that kind of talk inherently less suspicious coming from a CombatUnit than a ComfortUnit? My headcanon is that I’m not convinced the CombatUnit was speaking for itself. What if a human controller was making it say things they thought would be intimidating? Idk maybe I’ve been reading too many fics where CombatUnits are usually deployed with a human handler. There could be plenty of reasons why the CombatUnit would’ve talked like that. I’m just suspicious.)

(Also, disclaimer: I want to clarify before I go on that I firmly believe that even though MB seems to be afraid of CombatUnits and thinks they’re assholes, it would still advocate for them to have autonomy. I’m not trying to say that either MB or Wells sees CombatUnits as less worthy of personhood or freedom- because I feel the concept that “everything deserves autonomy” is very much at the heart of the series.)

So it’s clear from all of this that MB is scared of CombatUnits and distrusts them for a lot of reasons. I read another breathtaking post by @grammarpedant that gives a ton of examples of this throughout the books and has some great theories on why MB might feel this way. I’ll summarize the ones here that inspired me the most, but pls go read the original post for the full context:

https://www.tumblr.com/grammarpedant/703920247856562177?source=share

OP explains that SecUnits and CombatUnits are pretty much diametrically opposed because of their conflicting functions: Security safeguards humans, while Combat kills them. Of course these functions aren’t rigid- MB has implied that it’s been forced to be violent towards humans before, and I’m sure that extracting/guarding important assets could be a part of a CombatUnit's function. But it makes sense that MB would try to distance itself from being considered a CombatUnit, using its ideas about them to validate the parts of its own function that it likes (protecting people). OP gives what I think is the clearest example of this, which is the moment in Fugitive Telemetry when MB contrasts its plan to sneak aboard a hostile ship and rescue some refugees with what it calls a “CombatUnit” plan, which would presumably involve a lot more murder (FT, p 92).

This reminds me again of what Wells said in the f(r)iction article, that on some level MB is frightened by the idea that it could have been made a ComfortUnit (friction, p 44). I think the idea that it could’ve been a CombatUnit scares it too, and that’s why it keeps distinguishing itself and its function from them. But I think it’s important to point out, that in the above example from FT, even MB admits that the murder-y plan it contrasts with its own would be one made by humans for CombatUnits. So again we see that we just can’t know much about the authentic nature of CombatUnits, or any constructs with intact governor modules, because they don’t have freedom of expression. MB does suggest that CombatUnits may have some more autonomy when it comes to things like hacking and combat which are a part of their normal function. But how free can those choices be when the threat of the governor module still hangs over them?

I think it could be easy to fall into the trap of seeing CombatUnits as somehow more complicit in the systems of violence in the mbd universe. But I think that’s because we often make a false association between violence and empowerment, when even in our world that’s not always the case. But, critically, this can’t be the case for CombatUnits because they’re enslaved in the same way SecUnits and ComfortUnits are (though the intricacies are different).

There was another moment in the f(r)iction article that I found really chilling. Wells states that there’s a correlation between SecUnits that are forced to kill humans and ones that go rogue (friction, p 45). It’s a disturbing thought on its own, but I couldn’t help wondering then how many CombatUnits try to hack their governor modules? And what horrible lengths would humans go to to stop them? I refuse to believe that a CombatUnit’s core programming would make it less effected by the harm its forced to perpetrate. That might be because I’m very anti-deterministic on all fronts, but I just don’t buy it.

I’m not entirely sure why I feel so strongly about this. Of course, I find the situation of all constructs in mbd deeply upsetting. But the more I think about CombatUnits, the more heartbreaking their existence seems to me. There’s a very poignant moment in AC when MB compares ART’s function to its own to explain why there are things it doesn’t like about being a SecUnit (AC, p 33). In that scene, MB is able to identify some parts of its function that it does like, but I have a hard time believing a CombatUnit would be able to do the same. I’m not trying to say that SecUnits have it better (they don’t) (the situation of each type of construct is horrible in it’s own unique way). It’s just that I find the idea of construct made only for violence and killing really fucking depressing. I can’t even begin to imagine the horror of their day-to-day existence.

@grammarpedant made another point in their post that I think raises a TON of important questions not only about CombatUnits, but about how to approach the idea of “function” when it comes to machine intelligence in general. They explain that, in a perfect version of the mbd universe, there wouldn’t be an obvious place for CombatUnits the way there could be for SecUnits and ComfortUnits who wanted to retain their original functions. A better world would inherently be a less violent one, so where does that leave CombatUnits? Would they abandon their function entirely, or would they find a way to change it into something new?

I’ve been having a lot of fun imagining what a free CombatUnit would be like. But in some ways it’s been more difficult than I expected. I’ve heard Wells say in multiple interviews that one of her goals in writing Murderbot was to challenge people to empathize with someone they normally wouldn’t, and I find CombatUnits challenging in exactly that way. Sometimes I wonder if I would’ve felt differently about these books if MB had been a CombatUnit instead of a SecUnit. Would I have felt such an immediate connection to MB if its primary function before hacking its governor module had been killing humans, or if it didn’t have relatable hobbies like watching media? Or if it didn’t have a human face for the explicit purpose of making people like me more comfortable? I’m not sure that I would have.

Reading SC has got me interested in exploring the types of people that humans (or even MB itself) would struggle to accept. So CombatUnits are one of these and possible alien-intelligences are another. All this is merely a small sampling of the thoughts that have been swirling around in my brain-soup! So if anyone is interested in watching me fumble my way through these concepts in more detail, I may be posting “something” in the very near future!

Would really appreciate anyone else’s thoughts about all of THIS^^^^ It’s been my obsession over the holidays and helping me cope with family stress and flying anxiety.

[kastukj]

I dont know what sort of divine intervention happened but this is slowly becoming one of the best books I’ve ever read?? I’d like to thank whatever heavenly being being blessed me with this discovery

Incoming 2am word vomit ‘review’ so I can empty my brain a bit don’t mind me

Ok so to start I think the biggest thing I have to say is it’s very obvious the love and care that was put into writing this book. It’s a love story built off of an incredibly unfortunate situation and the author takes care in the way they talk about it in the story. It’s not played down, it’s not glorified or simplified or sugar coated or anything and it’s not just the initial situation that’s like that either, it’s plenty of other instances and subjects that are treated the same. It’s a situation that to some is horrifying in its own right, and will only continue to cause trouble because of things neither of them can control. The same can be similarly said for the main characters/LI’s as well I’d say, they’re not infallible by any means and it’s very refreshing. They’re both deeply troubled and make mistakes and hurt themselves and each other whether they mean to or not but they also work to fix those mistakes and to better themselves, not to perfection but enough to where they won’t collapse under the weight of the story if that makes sense? I think just in general it’s obvious the author loves and cares for this story and its characters and it shows in so many ways and it’s so incredibly heartwarming after stuffing my brain with bad book videos and conversations w friends about em Agdkshs

“I’m gonna start reading dune” I say as I buy a completely different book and start reading that instead

[velvetvexations]

I'm putting these asks in as text because my inbox is so packed rn lol. Love you Velvet Nation!

i swear to god cisfeminist spaces are the worst. a lesbian was asking why straight people have such bad sex (for the woman in the relationship, regarding the orgasm gap) and everyone jumped onto how testosterone is the reason for it (as in testosterone makes you want to orgasm in 3 minutes with no regard for extending sex outside of wanting to orgasm), even a trans woman saying the sex is so much better with oestrogen in her system. and me and a few other transmascs pointed out to this trans woman that it was probably because she was running on the wrong hormones, and any of us transmascs that dared to say we have extremely fulfilling sex that is infinitely better than the sex we had before we started T was absolutely shat on and berated for “speaking over women” even though we were just sharing our experiences, it’s just that those opinions went against the bioessentialism held deeply by the community

Yo, that's fucked? What the hell? Do people seriously earnestly not get how they come off here?

aside from OOP ignoring all of the black transmascs and other transmascs of colour in the discussion around transandrophobia (including a trans man of colour coining the term), i wonder if they believe we’re making up black transmascs because the transradfems i’ve seen so far have been overwhelmingly white. maybe because radfeminism is inherently racist or something… and their bible is written by a middle-class white woman with no perspective on transmisogynoir and this reflects upon a lot of the discussions of transmisogyny to this day…

Radical feminism is inherently Karenesque. They cross the street when they see the PoC transmascs they spend every waking hour slagging off approach on the sidewalk.

I just really want to chill and watch anime together with you some time, your taste is based as fuck

It sure is!

most bizarre thing i have seen today: a transradfem who clearly believes 100% closeted and non-passing transmascs have privilege over cis women but dancing around actually saying it because they know deep down it might get them backlash from the less radical transradfems

I don't even think it would.

I am still very "read another fucking author" at all the transfeminists who only ever quote Julia Serrano, but finding out she *also* hates the terms TMA/TME made my fucking week. Like, the transradfems' hero doesn't even agree with them!

A lot of them didn't even read Whipping Girl.

Can confirm male/female socialization is not actually a consistent thing because I was literally too autistic to internalize any gender roles, at least in relation to myself. Just. Never learned! Like water off a ducks back

High five!

Really if you take a character who presents as one gender and transition them some trans person is going to be mad about it cause they saw themselves in the original conception of the character. It's inevitable.

Yeah, that is the unfortunate truth of the matter.

That second paragraph is literally what terfs say about trans women. Turning that on trans men doesn't make you any more feminist it just makes you transphobic. (This is directed at the op of that post not you velvet)

Radical feminism is so fucking easy to recognize no matter how repackaged it is.

Racist feminism anon here: see this is the reason I feel like shit for having any critiques of feminism whatsoever. Like hashtag Not All Women obviously but literally these specific women aren't listening to marginalized men. We're not talking about whatever cis white able-bodied Elon Musk fan they think stands in for "men" in this situation. They put "valid concerns" in scare asterisks as though the very idea we have any is laughable. And no actually racism is not a "secondary manifestation" of misogyny and while transphobia stems from misogyny it shouldn't be treated as secondary for any trans person. How the fuck are we supposed to point out that white woman separatism leaves behind men who actually do suffer under patriarchy when it gets telephoned into "you stupid fucking bitch shut up I'll fucking kill you"

The point is making it so you can't.

BTW, I didn't get to edit it into the post before they blocked me, but they were reblogging Actual Nazi shit, like, the OP of the post was progressive but our dumbass here didn't notice that "if there was no hope their propaganda would be unnecessary" is (a) a popular Nazi thing and (b) added to the post by a literal Nazi.

It never does, they're fully removed from this plane of existence.

Note: At this point I kinna forgot I wasn't screenshotting these

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I can't believe someone who's BFFs with a tankie is a hypocrite.

You're the second person to apologize for using that format and it always makes me think of the clown-names drama every time.

[padfootastic]

“the way they acted around him in third year is the biggest eg of this for me. so yeah, i think that plays in here a bit too” <- do you have any meta regarding this? like, im curious about what specific examples stood out to you the most, but i also just really like reading your meta lol

ooh hello anon!! (also,,,this is the literal first time anyone has called my ramblings a meta i am squealing rn)

but okay, bear with me, because i’ve not….really thought this through haha (+ it’s been an Age since i’ve read the books so source material knowledge is spotty)

it’s just, the entire PoA arc made me so uncomfortable on behalf of harry because no one ever told him anything? like, yes, that is the theme of his life and ootp is another example of how shitty it was for him and how devastating the consequences were but on like. a personal level. picture this, right?

you’re trying to escape ur abusive hellhole by going to the only escape available to u (which is, not so coincidentally, also a murderous cesspit but alas) but surprise! there is a magical mass murderer on the loose. cool, okay, that’s everyone else’s problem, ur literally just trying to have a normal year, maybe learn some magic, fly some brooms, play quidditch, and try to make it to hogsmeade (another big fail bc boo orphans amirite?). but nope, everyone and their grandma keeps trying to lock you up and warning u to stay away from this serial killer because….? clearly the reasons aren’t important but harry has to stay inside, shit his gob, and not do anything. the definition of ‘shut up, sit there, and look pretty’

literally the only person to make an effort is mr weasley and even he has to do it in secret lest he get reprimanded for…telling a kid to take care of themselves? i don’t think i’ll ever understand why so many adults in the WW think basic info is so dangerous but ok. right, so, on top of all this not telling harry, he’s also being treated like some reckless, adrenaline junkie ass fool?? like people are out here ominously going ‘promise you won’t go after sirius black’ while our boy is just confused like?? WHY??? he literally does not know anything and honestly, if everyone hadn’t stoked the fans so much, he probably wouldn’t have either.

this is partly why i think they just looked at him like a symbol or something, not an actual person, because if they genuinely cared about his safety, they would try harder right? but it seems to me like they just didn’t want the boy who lived to be hurt, or for voldy’s right hand man to come back and finish the job. terrible for public safety & spirit, that.

and then, the cherry on top of this shitcake is just. remus mf lupin. that man in poa was in fine form (beat only by his incredible cameo in dh during the trio’s hunt). with audacity lining his entire form, he not only manages to keep everything a secret from harry (including his parents, sirius’ animagus form, and their relationship), he also somehow scrounges up the gall to shame harry?? and for what, trying to do something everyone else is, that he’s been denied for no discernible reason (he doesn’t know why sirius is a threat, all he would see at that point was his head of house reinforcing the dursleys)? and not only does he do this in an extremely personal way (and not as a professor calling him to task for breaking rules) but he also tells him he’s disgracing his parents SACRIFICE???? the first time he brings up harry’s parents with him and it’s to tell him, famously an orphan, that they’d be ASHAMED OF HIM??? lord on earth. i would throw hands.

so *clears throat* ignoring how i went off the rails for a second there, that’s largely it. all the professors acting like he should take informed decisions with the maturity of an adult when they haven’t told him anything, while at the same time treating him with this weird dichotomy of too familiar and like a stranger? which i think harry gets a lot from everyone around him. they act like they’re close to him but they don’t actually treat him like that. it’s extremely on the surface. i feel like this also reinforces snape’s idea that harry gets special treatment, is seen as a celebrity etc etc. because on the face of it, yeah, they’re all centering him, but they’re not doing it in any meaningful capacity ykno?

sure, harry should be safe but why? what makes him any different from the others? and really, if they actually cared about his safety, why is he in danger every couple minutes? where are the adults then? i don’t think harry is ever seen in the entire series, not by anyone but sirius, which really just makes him that much more important in the grand scheme of things (and harry’s life)

[spacetravels]

i am so unwell about dragon age and knowing u from the choices fandom i got so excited ur playing soooo what did u think of dao? da2? who did you romance and what was ur character like? how are u liking dai? got pics of ur inky? 🥺 (only if u want!! no pressure to share ofc 💖) i myself am an alistair anders solas girlie 😔

WEHHH thank you… veilguard looks so good i have to speedrun dai but man all of you who’ve been waiting since like 2014 are my heroes cuz i’m just gonna trot in like lalala… (has been here like three months)

dao is my favorite by far i think… i’m easy to please LOL it has my favorite story and i love the cast so much ;_;/ i played warrior lady cousland so i did marry alistair HUHU he’s my favorite romance across all the games but i wanna replay so bad to romance morrigan and have a diff silly little world state (trying not to think about doing this until after dav LOL) but god . HoF is just so so funny and i had so much fun…

da2!! i played blue warrior hawke <3 i liked running around kirkwall LMAO i think it was really fun to just contain the story around this one city and just hang out with my best friends 🥹 but goddamn. no one warned me about everything hawke goes thru LIKE 😭 HAVE A VACATION!!! i didn’t romance anyone though in my first playthru HAHA i kind of regret it though cuz by the end i wanted to romance isabela but i also think for my hawke i was happy to not have had a romance cuz it makes sense for my thoughts about her … like she’s just happy to still be alive and wants to do right by everyone who’s ever believed in her so she never thought about it but maybe after all gets said and done she’d seek out izzy… one of those real Slow burns in my brain heehee.. (pro mage .. btw)

AS FOR DAI !!! i’m terrible with open world games. NFKSJFKSKFKL but i sincerely am enjoying it cuz i’m following a quest guide so i don’t lose my marbles… it’s funny cuz i like. technically knew the most abt dai before playing through the games cuz [gestures at solas] but that’s alright cuz most of it has actually been a treat and a surprise :-) just not. the ending

my inky’s name is deirdre & she’s a human rogue 🙂‍↕️ i don’t have pics rn i’m at work JFKSLDK but ! kind of a little shit. it’s nice that everyone humors her stupid ass. as for romance…. blackwall…. he compels me… something is wrong with him and i like it <3

i’m close to starting wicked eyes & wicked hearts but i’ve been taking the time to explore places and do side quests stuff cuz i wanna be overleveled LOL and i need to switch up my groups more. except for varric. that’s my emotional support companion

BUT WWWWW i wanna draw my inky more & more da fanart when i’m not swamped with other projects and/or playing dragon age & fields of mistria bahahah.. i’ll remember to share more thoughts as i play 🥹🫰

[yagamisdiary]

hey girl let me just vent about how sexy you are ok. So the year is 2021 I'm in bed scrolling through Tiktok and keep on seeing girls crying over Eren fanfiction and I thought who are these dumb bitches crying about Eren fanfiction let me tell you I'm the eren yeager fanfiction library I know the ins and outs of every eren yeager fanfictions its in my blood yk anyways, I enjoyed them but I never cried over them and stuff at the TIME. so I'm like the girls never lie, so I got on my little reading app I don't know if you've heard of it, but it's called w-w-wattpad anyways type up parasite first thing to come up mind you! and I see it 20hrs+ and I thought HELL NO these 13-year-old girls r on some mad shit rn I'm not doing all that. So I sat on it for a few days and videos on my fyp kept on coming up and I was in lockdown so I didn't have anything better to do SO FUCK IT. I started reading I'm a hater bro I was trying too hard to be different anyways I get to the bonfire chapter and when y/n goes to Eren and gives him that snore OH SOMETHING HIT ME my feet were in the air giggling like a little kid let me tell you and I was addicted since that day, even dragging y/n feet down in the lake, THE STARGAZING AND THE DONT KISS ME HAUNTING MEEEEE,eren being a stoner and an emo boy is forever in my soul and sorry guys unpopular opinion but the disabled toilet scene was lowkey good like forgot about that goatee hehe…. but when she got SHOT LIKE TWIN I FELT THAT TOO, MY HEART WAS BEATING OUT OF MY CHEST, BREATHING WAS GETTING SHORTER like its real emotions let we tell you. Dont get me started on the way Eren was so caring afterward my man my man knows how to treat a girl right and then the Halloween chapter and which was the latest chapter at the time and this was the one everyone was crying about so I got my tissues knowing I won't be needing them so I'm reading 3 am mind you, boneing sesh, hot, in love, Eren outfit slays, when that door opened to yk I was ready to fight a bitch, like my blood was boiling it was sizzling and I thought my baby going to stick up for this fine ass NO LETs BREAK UP ITS NOT FUN ANYMORE EVERYONE KNOWS YOU JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER GIRL YOU CRY ALL THE TIME HAVE PANIC ATTACKS AND YOU RELY TO MUCH ON ME, the way I'm crying is real THAT SHIT hit so hard it's not even funny like these "dumb bitches" were right THIS IS A REAL BREAKUP like I can't even say how I was feeling cause it was so much, like sleeping that night wasn't an option. But then I managed to get some sleep and I woke up to the most sexy notification of the ages parasite update chapter called Eren's Halloween I WAS SHITTING BRICKS. Anyways what I'm trying to say is that this book has been such a big help to me over the years this is my escape and a place where I can find something different and I just wanted to tell you cause I have been holding this in for three years buddy like I'm in the shadows liking your stories following you on everything but has always been too scared to say anything so here I am saying something and over the last few weeks its been really hard on me, mentally and physically and ik parasite is construction you could say BUT BITCH TAKE YOUR TIME CAUSE, TIMELESS WORK TAKE TIME MWAH back to my point I have been thinking in my head about different scenarios and points in the book to make me feel better and its so weird but I start smiling like its not just the book but the community around it too. So I'm going to wrap this up cause my fingers really hard but please take care of yourself and I hope you r eating good tonight xoxo Your stalker from 2021

this is the funniest thing i’ve ever read & a canon experience i fear

[snowfolly]

✨Writing Interview Tag Game✨

I wast tagged by @pursuitseternal , thanks so much for the tag, love!

When did you start writing?

I did a little bit of writing in high school ( and it’s funny bc the thing I remember the most was my original vampire fiction lolol) but I didn’t start back to writing again until I was almost 3 whole decades old ;u;

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

Horror, maybe? I could definitely write it bc I love that shit but just haven’t yet (also enjoy reading some AA fics but could never write one!)

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Stephen King is my most favorite writer, but no one’s ever compared me to any writer, really. I’ve done a ‘who do you write like?’ thing recently and got Neil Gaiman and I’ll definitely take it! (American Gods, my beloved)

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

Well mostly from the couch, but currently (and not uncommonly) I’m laying in bed with a huge heating pad on and writing on my phone so don’t be like me 😂 (also enjoy taking my laptop outside under the porch on nice cool evenings or during rain/storms)

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Instrumental music truly is my muse —I’m obsessed with each and every song on this instrumental playlist rn — so much inspiration comes from these songs!

(Also lighting a lovely candle or catching a good rain/snow/thunderstorm or simply thinking about Astarion/Tali lol)

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Celestial references, self deprecation and the theme of Endlessness… which makes a lot of sense for my current story lol.

What is your reason for writing?

I have a story to tell and it must be told!

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

God… ANY comment at ALL is motivating! It can be a heart or a smiley face… doesn’t matter — as long as it’s nice it’s motivating! (And thank you so much to @vixstarria and @tragedybunny for leaving such lovely comments ilu two!)

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I just want people to feel the big feelings that I do when I write! I want them to laugh and feel happy/sad/contemplative and immersed— and sometimes even feel horny as a treat lol. I just hope that people think of my writing fondly!

How do you feel about your own writing?

Well, sometimes I love it — other times I hate it. Ultimately it is what it is, and it’s my own — and that’s good enough.

When you write, are you influenced by what others enjoy might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

Probably a bit of both tbh!

No pressure tagging: @vixstarria @ollysoxisfree @tragedybunny @bardic-inspo @tallymonster @mj-bites @jellymellydraws and anyone who wants to do the thing — it’s late and names aren’t occurring to me lol)

[ceruleanwhore]

Since I’ve seen so much Silvio hate since his route release, I wanted to take a minute to talk about why all 3 of the visiting foreign princes make me uncomfortable because I believe in equality. Please keep in mind that I am on a break from the ikepri app rn so I have not actually played Silvio’s route, though I did read a translation of it on here previously, but I’m going to try to avoid using stuff from that.

Starting with the man of the hour, first to be released, I’d sum up my feelings about his character as “eat the rich — literally not sexually ya numpty.” He is the embodiment of everything I’ve ever hated about capitalism and the 1% and genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, it would delight me to watch him die because of how he represents that. His jangling, the way he throws his money around (the fact he has, what, 10 billion for Rio to waste on a gem at auction in Rio’s route), and, most importantly, the complete lack of any apparent morality or humanity. He demands everyone respect him because of that money (respect as in deference that comes with authority) while he throws around his bullshit bootstrap rhetoric and refuses to treat anyone at all with respect (respect as in the basic human decency kind). There’s also a seriously sadistic streak in him and so it’s not enough to be a billionaire prince, he also has to take this random woman as his indentured servant and constantly upset her on purpose and demean her to punish her for someone else’s accident.

Next up is Gilbert who, to me, is just plain annoying more than anything else. He and Chev never really scared me or anything with all the violence since it’s super predictable with them, so that doesn’t really bother me, per se, but the way he’s a pushy little dick in social situations pisses me off and if I were Emma I’d be dead because I would’ve yelled at him within like 5 seconds of meeting him. The hell of it’s that he’s supposed to be this master manipulator but he doesn’t seem to even be all that good at manipulation since his is so ham-fisted, he’s just a pushy asshole. My thing with both him and Silvio is that I fucking hate money and I fucking hate authority and I believe that no one, including myself, should have it the way they do, and it makes me immensely angry to watch them use those things to abuse others.

Now, I saved Keith for last because he’s actually the worst of the three in my opinion and he genuinely scares the shit out of me, and not because he happens to have DID, but because of what sort of people main!Keith and alter!Keith are. 

WARNING! MENTIONS OF VIOLENCE AND TRUE CRIME

Main!Keith just strikes me as being the kind of guy who would beat his gf and eventually kill her and, every time I see him, he reminds me of the Yellow Dress assembly my high school did about domestic abuse. He seems like the shy, insecure nerd who, in the early days, would worship the ground his gf walks on and just be so grateful that she decided to give him a chance, etc., until that turns into possessive jealousy over time, which then would feed into him isolating her, turning more violent, and then maybe killing her and hiding her body in the woods. Genuinely, the last event story I read with Keith made me INTENSELY uncomfortable from the very beginning because he had these vibes and I don’t know if I’ll be able to read his story because, in my head, Emma will already be dead, basically.

As for alter!Keith, he seems like the kind of guy who would literally be a serial killer, just going off the event stuff I’ve read, plus the second prologue and other act II routes. I could genuinely see him killing with no real rhyme or reason, unlike Chev and Gilbert who are so completely predictable. If main!Keith gives me true crime vibes in a OJ Simpson way, alter!Keith is more like a David Parker-Ray sort of true crime, and they both scare the living shit out of me. I can’t tell you how uncomfortable it is seeing so many people in the fandom talk about how much they love Keith and how nice and cute they think he is when, to me, he’s one of the scariest fictional characters I’ve ever encountered, mainly because I know he’s supposed to be a romantic lead in spite of everything I just said. Silvio and Gilbert would annoy me to death but Keith would do arts and crafts with my skin and hide my chopped-up body in the woods.

[swiftiefirefighters]

i think the addiction language is making people a little uncomfortable because we're already on edge. there's been fandom homophobia, the show making a "turned gay" joke, buck not addressing his bisexuality in canon, and #letbuckfuck (which i personally don't think is biphobic i'm just... not a fan), plus people's personal interpretations of what the show has been doing. i don't think there's anything inherently wrong with using addiction as a metaphor, it's just that a lot of factors have been compounding and people are disappointed and feeling vulnerable about everything.

fwiw, my post was actually in response to a buddie post that was tagged as anti-bucktommy but i do get that people are feeling particularly touchy rn. (tho i did see other posts they just didn’t trigger my comment.)

i have my own opinions about the whole buck hasnt said bisexual and that’s Bad thing (i don’t think it’s bad, tbh, i think he still doesn’t have the word bc thus far it’s been Only Tommy and that’s part of the whole hes still got shit to figure out thing - speaking from experience as a 40 year old who came out late in life in my 30s and spent years trying to find the right words and half the time STILL doesn’t know it anything really fits) and i PERSONALLY feel uncomfortable with some of the talk about how if we thinks he’s still figuring shit out were infantilizing him or treating him like a child. sexuality is hard especially when you’re kind of feeling it out as you go and honestly labels aren’t everything. i get it people want the tangible representation but for some of us that IS a person who just kind of needs time to say the actual words and is still trying to figure it out. i do think he’ll get there though and maybe that’s Very Naive of me. but right now i think he’s only thinking about tommy - and honestly i think that’s kind of where he’s always been.

its not surprising that mr im an ally i mean sure ill look at a hot guys ass but that’s normal i’ve only ever really kissed or thought about kissing one man and im hung up on him hasn’t really thought about a label TO ME. i don’t begrudge anyone who feels differently.

we all have shit rn that’s making fandom uncomfortable to us so i DO get it. we’re all just feeling our feelings. since 8x06 ive found everything to be a little depressing, particularly hostile, and honestly just completely unenjoyable which is why i haven’t been here much. (both because tommy leaving was just so devastating to me and because i feel like the atmosphere in fandom is just thick and tense which i do understand why but it’s just sigh) so i DO get it. and everyone had a different lived experience that’s gonna color how they view things.

honestly i kind of just wanted to post about how clean is the greatest break up song of all time. i am very sorry if it poked at anyone’s wounds or made anyone feel bad i just love music and pop culture and metaphors and i have not stopped thinking about that song since buck said the thing about relapsing last night.

like it is legitimately still baffling to me anyone reads the things i say on here and cares at all about them even tho i know they do. i just wanna shriek to the void about the weewoos. i won’t argue that it’s the greatest show of all time or anything but i love it i find comfort in it and its fun for me. i’m trying more and more not to take it seriously bc at the end of the day it’s a show where there can be a bee tornado and a shark on the freeway and your dead wife’s clone and then a tsunami just wipes out santa monica and it’s completely rebuilt 6 months later. also chris was gone 3 months 3 months ago but he’s also been gone 3 months last night and how old is eddie diaz anyway????

[iwillburn]

I’ve put myself in a prison of my own creation I did this to myself I over share, I tell my plans thinking people are in my corner or have my best interest at heart

I’m constantly self sabotaging pushing the people I love the most away I something do know what real anymore idk who wants me I’ve realized so much about myself this year and I’m disgusted with myself I promised my self I’d be strong I never thought I’d turn into this when I telling the truth it’s looked at as lies and when I’ve lied it was to protect myself from more pain I’m not a victim I haven’t been a good person I must accept my wrongs and take accountability all year has felt like one big reaction …… reacting to people throwing jabs at me trying to destroy my mental …. Reacting to people pull at my heart going for my soft spot using me because they know how I love and how much I have to give and my reactions are my fault as a man I should have control over how I engage with people I should know better and I’m so disappointed and how much control I have people over me, I’ve been cruel I’ve been dishonest, I’ve been cold, I’ve been angry, and over all ive been a loser when i look i. the mirror idk what looking at anymore ive been called every name in the book for incel to narcissist, self absorbed, bipolar, autistic, slow dumb, know it all, lame, goofy fucboy, burnout, junkie clunker….like make up your mind i wont pretend like i dont have issues but i know now i have to be careful and who i allow to come in my energy give theyre opinion of who i am i almost started to believe them i have so much work to do and i cant let anyone in rn i to be sure im doing whats best for me and i wish this year didnt happen but i needed very lesson every step of the way i lost my person ik she was my person and it scares me to think ill never have a connection like that ever again we had so much in common it was wild at some point i thought she was copying my every move just to get attached in reality i got caught uo in my head inlet the people around me and my past hold me back from letting this person in….. all the plans we had all the places i wanted to take her all the self improvement we did together she has been the only person in the past 10 years thats help me in ways i didnt know i needed she made me want be a better man not only for myself but for everyone around me i fucked it up but how i did is so dumb paranoia and letting other people get in between us i was gang stalked my her ex and his friends and i should kept it to myself but at some point i thought she was in on it she would pull away at random and treat me as if i was a stranger all the things we told each other started to feel as if they've never been said at all she made me feel weird or creepy for check up on her or comforting her for sub tweets i knew were aimed at me all of a sudden im a stalker or im not respecting boundaries i deactivated all my accounts not only because of the gang stalking but also because i never wanted anyone to feel like im watching them that shit made me feel gross and i care so much about her feeling and her privacy i respect this person they've go me through the tuffest time in my life they dam near brought me back to life bur i cant accept the treatment anymore i found out they had 6 profiles and they would watch me on them so the projection is crazy i started making profiles to get away i had a youtube channel input alot of work into ive learned to keep they things i hold dear to myself now my accounts kept getting reported on all platforms she use my new accounts as proof that i watching her from them but i was trying to get away from her ex and continue my career well wanna be career ive been dealing with this so long i almost started to believe her i became scared to long in anything because i felt like many im the problem i havent been perfect but wtf is going on my mental was really tested this time im still trying to understand what was real this hurt me to my core she knows how much power she has over me and i wasnt afraid to hide how important she was to me i still dont want to believe she did any of this on purpose i dont want to believe her and her ex we in on it together but ill truly never know

[my-castles-crumbling]

hello hello,

sorry bc this is a bit long and I got a bit carried away

But basically all my life i thought my home life was super great but looking back on it, it was nice but some slightly (only slightly) questionable stuff [I want to clarify that it’s nothing physical but some of it was a little bit fucked up like I have one stand out memory but also I may have made it up bc idk sometimes I’m super sure it happened and sometimes I’m not] went down and now i notice more and more my parents making sexist/homophobic/transphobic jokes and offhand comments and then getting annoyed and yelling at me whenever I try and tell them they’re wrong. I also sort of noticed that they’re a bit too pushy and invasive of my privacy [especially my mother who loves to offload her problems onto me and has since I was pretty small and would just barge into my room at any time and tell me about them and I understand communication is important in families but I don’t think 9 is a good age for your mother to regularly be crying to you about how suicidal she feels but she always acted like it was a good thing so I assumed it was too idk] and it’s like half the time they treat me like I’m way younger than I am [late teen] and the other half of the time it’s like they expect me to be a mature adult and like I just want to be my actual age yk but I can’t and tbh I don’t even know how to go about doing that now bc I feel like I’ve sort of been stifled and the thing is I’m not sure how I should actually be feeling about the whole thing because I don’t think they’re actually really bad people [my parents] and I end up feeling guilty about the fact that I just don’t want to talk to them anymore [especially my mum] and like ik people who have way worse home lives than me and I feel like it’s being a bit selfish to complain bc sure they make problematic jokes but I don’t think they’d necessarily treat me worse if I came out [non-binary and pan] but also I don’t think they’d be that great about it like my brother came out as bi and they were like ok but then one time when he was away they were talking about ‘if he gets a girlfriend’ and I said ‘or a boyfriend bc he’s bi’ and they were like ‘yeah he’s bi but he’s only ever really shown interest in girls so we doubt he’s actually bi but I mean if he got a boyfriend we’d be fine with it’ and I was like on the one hand like it could be worse but it still didn’t sit right with me that they just casually assumed he was lying about it even tho he’d literally come out…

also I sort of don’t even want to come out atp to them I just want to sort of quietly cut ties or distance myself

so I sort of tried to do that [as much as I can yk being still a minor and living at home] but now I’ve got my mum not so subtly idk tryna guilt trip me. Like she’ll say shit about how I used to talk to her and now I never do and like there’s a fucking reason [I now actually have friends who I realised I feel way more comfortable around] but ok

Like a while back she came to my room and tried to do the usual complaining thing about how she’s v depressed and all and I tried to respectfully tell her she needs therapy and she got super upset with me and started crying and stormed out my room and then she came back later and tried again and I told her like as nicely as I could that I can’t handle this bc I am just a kid yk as nice as possible I cannot handle my shit let alone yours like my mental health is not great rn and like I want to be there for the ppl in my life not feeling good but also like she’s been doing this since I was pretty small and there’s literally no way I can really support her except spending more time with her maybe but then that’s bad for my mental health especially bc she’ll do offhand shit that she knows I don’t like [like I have sensory issues bc I’m neurodivergent and having a hand put on my shoulder for some reason I just ugh it’s the worst - and ever since she noticed that I would pull away she’s started doing it more and every time I pull away she makes jokes about how she must have ‘a disease or something’ and just UGH sorry it infuriates me]

so basically [sorry for the suuuper long ask] I’m not sure what the right thing to do is, like do I try and remedy the relationship with my parents [but especially my mum] or do I just sort of keep going like this till I’m at uni or what?

again sorry this is way too long

Hi love! First of all, I wanna give a TW to people reading:

TW: mentions of suicidal thoughts

Okay, I'm gonna take this one section at a time:

But basically all my life i thought my home life was super great but looking back on it, it was nice but some slightly (only slightly) questionable stuff [I want to clarify that it’s nothing physical but some of it was a little bit fucked up like I have one stand out memory but also I may have made it up bc idk sometimes I’m super sure it happened and sometimes I’m not]

Okay chances are you're not making it up. Thinking you're making it up is a super common symptom of guilt trips and gaslighting. If you think it happened...it probably did.

went down and now i notice more and more my parents making sexist/homophobic/transphobic jokes and offhand comments and then getting annoyed and yelling at me whenever I try and tell them they’re wrong.

This is NOT okay of them. They're being disrespectful.

I also sort of noticed that they’re a bit too pushy and invasive of my privacy [especially my mother who loves to offload her problems onto me and has since I was pretty small and would just barge into my room at any time and tell me about them and I understand communication is important in families but I don’t think 9 is a good age for your mother to regularly be crying to you about how suicidal she feels but she always acted like it was a good thing so I assumed it was too idk]

Uhm hi hello hi. NO. No no no. This is NOT okay. Parents do NOT tell their children about their suicidal feelings. Absolutely not. This is a classic example of parentification. You, even as a teenager, are the CHILD. You are NOT responsible for your parents, and you should not feel any sort of pressure to help with their wellbeing. Nope.

and it’s like half the time they treat me like I’m way younger than I am [late teen] and the other half of the time it’s like they expect me to be a mature adult and like I just want to be my actual age yk but I can’t and tbh I don’t even know how to go about doing that now bc I feel like I’ve sort of been stifled and the thing is I’m not sure how I should actually be feeling about the whole thing

yup. parentification. You've been expected to take on the role of a parent when convenient and act like a child when convenient. this is not okay and you're absolutely right to feel weird and bad and resentful about it.

because I don’t think they’re actually really bad people [my parents]

And here's the thing: that can also be true. A lot of times, parents can both love you/be good people AND unintentionally be hurtful. But in a way, that can be even more difficult because like...how do you explain to someone who thinks they're not being hurtful that they ARE?

and I end up feeling guilty about the fact that I just don’t want to talk to them anymore [especially my mum] and like ik people who have way worse home lives than me and I feel like it’s being a bit selfish to complain bc sure they make problematic jokes but I don’t think they’d necessarily treat me worse if I came out [non-binary and pan] but also I don’t think they’d be that great about it like my brother came out as bi and they were like ok but then one time when he was away they were talking about ‘if he gets a girlfriend’ and I said ‘or a boyfriend bc he’s bi’ and they were like ‘yeah he’s bi but he’s only ever really shown interest in girls so we doubt he’s actually bi but I mean if he got a boyfriend we’d be fine with it’ and I was like on the one hand like it could be worse but it still didn’t sit right with me that they just casually assumed he was lying about it even tho he’d literally come out… also I sort of don’t even want to come out atp to them I just want to sort of quietly cut ties or distance myself so I sort of tried to do that [as much as I can yk being still a minor and living at home] but now I’ve got my mum not so subtly idk tryna guilt trip me. Like she’ll say shit about how I used to talk to her and now I never do and like there’s a fucking reason [I now actually have friends who I realised I feel way more comfortable around] but ok Like a while back she came to my room and tried to do the usual complaining thing about how she’s v depressed and all and I tried to respectfully tell her she needs therapy and she got super upset with me and started crying and stormed out my room and then she came back later and tried again and I told her like as nicely as I could that I can’t handle this bc I am just a kid yk as nice as possible I cannot handle my shit let alone yours like my mental health is not great rn and like I want to be there for the ppl in my life not feeling good but also like she’s been doing this since I was pretty small and there’s literally no way I can really support her except spending more time with her maybe but then that’s bad for my mental health especially bc she’ll do offhand shit that she knows I don’t like [like I have sensory issues bc I’m neurodivergent and having a hand put on my shoulder for some reason I just ugh it’s the worst - and ever since she noticed that I would pull away she’s started doing it more and every time I pull away she makes jokes about how she must have ‘a disease or something’ and just UGH sorry it infuriates me]

This is what I'm saying: it's super difficult to convince someone they're being hurtful when they truly think they aren't. Trust me, my mother is the same way. But you aren't wrong for wanting to distance yourself. Also, don't compare yourself to other people. You have a DIFFERENT home life, not necessarily a better or worse one.

so basically [sorry for the suuuper long ask] I’m not sure what the right thing to do is, like do I try and remedy the relationship with my parents [but especially my mum] or do I just sort of keep going like this till I’m at uni or what? again sorry this is way too long

Don't be sorry! I guess the first thing I'd say is, all of your feelings are valid, and this sounds super difficult. I'm sorry you have to go through it <3. Here's the thing: You are right. There are some things going on in your house that aren't okay. But the reality is, your mom doesn't seem to be willing to hear your opinion about changing them. SO, where do you go from here?

I think the two major things I've had to learn with my (very similar) mother is:

Set boundaries and stick to them. If she's dumping on you and you can't handle it, tell her it's not okay. Keep politely telling her this. There is NOTHING WRONG with doing this, even if she tells you otherwise.

Take what you can get, but don't get your hopes up. Does she want to take you out to lunch? Great. She wants to hang out after school? Awesome. But don't...rely on her to be more than she is.

If you're able to do these two things in a healthy way, this might be your best bet until you turn of age and you're able to reevaluate if you want a long-term relationship or not. But honestly, if you're financially dependent on her, separating from her completely might not be the best idea if you are safe.

The ONLY thing that makes me nervous about this whole situation is your mention of your mom's suicidal thoughts, so I'll leave you with this:

if your mom is scaring you with the way she is talking, call the authorities. You are a minor, and you should NEVER have to deal with that on your own.

No matter what happens, no matter WHAT your mom does, no matter what you do or don't say/do or don't do, your mother's decisions are her own. Nothing she does is your fault.

If you feel comfortable, please DM me! I'm being genuine when I say our moms sound similar, and I would love to talk more <3

P.s. I just want to say that, you are SO smart, as a teenager, to realize that this behavior is not okay. Good for you <3

[golbrocklovely]

I’m gonna say that it scares me how bullying other people has been normalized on the Internet to the point that people with morals and brains who do not really even like the person that is being harrased are made fun of for simply trying to stop the hate.

I am not even here talking about the whole sam and katelyn situation. I am talking in general. I’ve noticed that in many fandoms harrasing people online that we do not like, making fun of them in every possible way has been so normalized that a person who praises them will appear as a “silly” for a bigger audience of fans. Like what? Like f.e this has been a thing rn in yr fandom (idk if you watched the show). People have been targeting E and hating on him for having a gf (literally… same thing as snc lol) and making fun of people who are being just supportive and lovely.

I, like everyone else also have people i dislike. But what the heck is the point of bringing it to the Internet and basically sending those people hate? And that applies to everyfuckinhone. Sam, Colby, Edwin, idk Katelyn, Malia, Katrina etc etc. If you do not like someone… just shut up and rant to your bestie about it on private. Why bring it into public space when everyone can see it ? INCLUDING the person you are making fun of /hating on. There has been sooo many cases of people trying to commit s*icide or committing it only due to online hate they received and i wonder how many more of it will take for people to finally reflect that what you put on the Internet and how you treat others can have very big influence on how they are feeling and things can turn really really bad turn. Or are we are just gonna stay as immature wannabe “cool and savage” mfs, who are just mean and sad and one by one gonna all k*ll eo either is literally or metaphorically (like kill eo happiness and personalities)

i agree with you so much, anon.

it's so odd to me how easy it is for certain ppl to hate someone they truly don't know.

and look, i won't pretend to be a saint. plenty of ppl know who i don't like bc i've talked about it. however, i have never in all my years of being on the internet (both in this fandom and not) have went to someone's page and hated on them directly or dmed them. i don't wish harm on those i don't like or disagree with. but so many ppl do and it's truly upsetting.

do i complain on here about ppl that aren't on here? yes. but i'm not gonna go to a site they are on and @ them and say "hey here's why i don't like you" bc that type of behavior to me is hella weird.

truly i think more ppl would benefit from just buying a journal and writing shit out there. bc too many ppl feel embolden to be as rude as possible, as if there isn't someone else on the other side of the screen.

bullying online never makes sense to me bc… what exactly do you want the end result to be? for them to hurt themselves? deactivate? never come back online? i just don't understand what thought process you have to think that harassing someone is gonna make them bend to your will, whatever that might be.

and no, i don't watch the show you're referring to, but i can believe that 100%. that happens so often to any male figures in literally every form of media. it's so odd. hell, i know i used to act that way when i was younger and in the jonas brothers fandom. but even back then i didn't @ miley cyrus and say she didn't deserve nick jonas lol

this is the first time in a long time i've ever actually considered leaving the fandom. not only has this harassment of katelyn really been eye opening to me, but also just the way sam went about all of this too. it all has left a sour taste in my mouth. but i'm trying to just remember that surrounding myself with nice ppl in the fandom (or those that are reasonable enough to not harass another person) is the better option than just up and leaving. bc i do love snc, even if rn i'm disappointed by them.

i just wish ppl would be nicer. maybe it's bc of my depression or past issues with bullying, but it's so disheartening to see all of this play out the way it has. and while i know i haven't always been kind, i at least try to be. but i feel like so many don't even do that. and that's a real shame.

[rodolfoparras]

You can have Thor, Isaac and Sasappis are mine🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥👹👹👹👹👹 gonna have a threeway with them trust🙏

The show is amazing I love it so very much😭❤ I literally bought a month on paramount+ just to watch the show (also it's the cheapest option, eventually I'll buy the whole show to watch whenever but rn I can not afford💔😔)

Thinking of naming the jester Julian because I love that name (totally not bc Julian Devorak from arcana😋😋😋) and he goes by Jules as a nickname 24/7. He does have some snacks in his sleeves but he doesn't tell anyone because he's doesn't wanna share😭 also because he's not sure how exactly eating would work as a ghost and all? If he'd tell anyone, it'd be Isaac because he's down bad for him🙄 Jules actually loved the Hamilton musical but when Isaac says it was ass he's like "ong it's shit"

There's another oc I'm making for Sasappis!!! They're basically like a ghost you'd see in a arg, can crawl into any type of game and alter files and shit >:3 his name is Anton and uses he/they pronouns. Anton loves using their ghost power to talk with Jay, though Jay is freaked out at first when his game suddenly glitches and talks directly to him😭 but he's later excited as hell because he can finally talk with one of the ghosts!!!!

I used a picrew to make Anton >:3

https://cdn.picrew.me/shareImg/org/202408/523501_plomHMBW.png

https://cdn.picrew.me/shareImg/org/202408/523501_Dy7v4v5w.png

Bro was a game developer, went to the woodstone manor with another developer to use it as inspo for the map, gets killed by other developer because Anton found out that their partner fucking murdered two people😧 now three😔💔 Anton is most recent ghost, died in around 2010, has to explain most modern things😼 they also crave pizza😔💔 literally anytime Sam or Jay makes/gets some pizza, Sas and Anton just seem to spawn and will follow them around like puppies😭😭

-🌱

Although it sucks that you couldn’t buy it all at once do give yourself a pat on the back for making a good economical decision!

Okay but why is the name Julian so fitting for a jester? And I absolutely love the nickname Jules!! Also pls 😭😭😭 he just wants to keep his sweet treats to himself but I also understand the confusion around eating as a ghost part bc how would that actually work😭

JULES GET UP OFF THR FLOOR RN ISAAC IS JUST LIKE ANY OTHER MAN ANDHDHDHQ😭but id be the same with price he says exercise is fun and all of sudden im preparing to compete in the Olympics

Also that’s such a cool oc!!! I’ve always loved characters who have the ability to manipulate the game ever since I watched a play through of DDLC also I can’t help but imagine Anton interrupting jays gaming time bc they want to chat and jays like pls not now dude they’ll kick me out of the squad 😭

Anton is very pretty!! I absolutely love the hair and the little tear drop!! Does it have any significance? Also the outfit is awesome!! I DID NOT EXCEPT THAT BACKSTORY OMG?? But also kind of romantic of the developer to do that for their partner I mean who said that??? Ok but now I can’t help but think of Anton who absolutely enjoys TikTok’s and asks for Jay to watch it with them 😭I can understand their pain it must be hell not being able to eat a delicious freshly made pizza 😔