#it’s actually kinda frustrating living in the border

[bigassbowlingballhead]

The way the state of Washington’s primaries work the top two vote getters, regardless of party, advance to the general election. This year, for a district near me, has resulted in two conservatives being on the ballot.

Worse and worser, I like to call them. They’re both awful choices for the district. They don’t have people in mind, they have corporate interest in mind, they don’t differ in policy at all. The only difference being one voted to impeach trump in 2021, the other is endorsed by trump.

Now, I live in Oregon, but I’m right on the Washington border so my tv channels broadcast out of Washington. So I don’t have a horse in this race. But if I lived in that district and was forced to pick between those two, it would really disinterest me in voting in that race.

[hero-israel]

I hear you on the song-and-dance with 'the disputed territories in the West Bank', but to some extent I kinda think the push back on the language choices used to describe Palestine are warranted. The West Bank WAS occupied. By Jordan, and then later by Israel FROM Jordan. And then Israel and Jordan made peace and agreed on their borders, and now the territories in the West Bank are disputed, not occupied. (but also, yeah, sure, end the occupation)

and Gaza is (was, current war notwithstanding) blockaded, not occupied, because a territory is considered occupied when it falls under “effective control of hostile foreign armed forces.” Traditionally, effective control requires three main components: the physical presence of a foreign military without consent; the inability of a local sovereign to exercise control because of foreign forces’ presence; and the imposition of occupying forces’ authority, and like, the only bit that can with any honesty be argued is 'imposition of Israeli authority' in terms of a moderately closed border and an import limitation. (like, yeah, borders be violence, why is cardamon on the prohibited substances list, BUT) you cannot honestly argue that the diagnostics of an occupation were present in Gaza. But us jews are so wily we can, unlike any other people in the world, enact an occupation without ANY OF THE DIAGNOSTIC INDICATORS, according to the EU, and the Red Cross, Amnesty, the African Union and several different UN organs. (in an inverse of the standard; rules for me but not for thee, fucking hypocrites)

Like, it's just frustrating, and I understand being Done and Tired about the attempts to get nuance into language, but also also, the WORDS MEAN THINGS GODAMMIT

(this Words Mean Things Rant brought to you by: Gaza can't be an enclave, godammit, it borders to both Egypt and Israel!)

To be clear - I will and do say that there was no occupation of Gaza after the pullout. Having a border fence between hostile neighbors is not an occupation. Even Hamas admitted publicly that the occupation was over. As you surely know, for the first 8 months after the pullout there was only a rather flimsy fence and no naval blockade at all, and it would have stayed that way if not for the Lost Causers.

In the West Bank, 90+% of the time it is just not a worthwhile argument to have. Especially when I think one of the best ways to show the falsehood of the "apartheid" accusation is how (as my pinned post says) there were no changes in the structure of the occupation itself and you can't just morph one into the other from being bored. When people try to relitigate 1948 and 1967 and "stealing from Palestinians," then I show them why those arguments were false at that point in time and get them to remember Jordan and Jordanians exist. But I feel like there is only so much needle-threading that we can ever expect people to sit still for, and in 2024 when the Israeli army really is dominating territory of people who don't like it and who live under military law instead of civilian law, it is much more an academic exercise than a home run. I don't want to sound like one of those guys who goes "ackshyually it's not pedophilia, it's ephebophilia".

It depressed me to realize that most people don't base their stances around legit evidence or consistent arguments. Nearly everything Jewish people can say to defend themselves against bias and prejudice boils down to "You're being inconsistent, you're treating us unlike other groups!" when just announcing that doesn't bring change. Life is not a college debate class, the heart is not a court of law, there is not actually a judge from a made-for-TV-movie who will listen to us and take our side and translate our accuracy into better lives. Most people don't even try to stick to consistency or principle, they just decide what they want and make up a reason after, and, as the quote says, they "indicate that the time for discussion has passed."

Jewish culture and literature and society famously revolves around dispute and interpretation and commentary. Our mindset, our epistemic interaction with reality, does not match that of the people who want to kill us. All we can do is argue but we cannot make them listen. Our ancestors in Spain and Germany certainly tried, and they were right, and it didn't matter. The sword is mightier than the pen and no one is actually afraid of us. When people say antisemitic things their "punishment" is getting a tour of a Holocaust museum. If our ancestors really had colonized the world and left billions of descendants to reap the rewards, maybe we could have our own version of the Mohammed cartoon approach and make people leave us alone.

[doberbutts]

Thank you for talking about the “able to get to the door but unable to stay inside” thing re:stimulation. My issues are less severe than yours were (creates chronic fatigue instead of severe meltdowns) but it’s kinda the first time I’ve heard anyone discuss them as a legitimate disabling barrier. I still have this “if I just try hard enough” mentality that I’m trying to overcome, and it helps to have someone else go “no, this is a real problem.”

Honestly the brain injury really opened my eyes because I do have ADD and had childhood epilepsy (been seizure-free since I was 8 tho) so we were somewhat conscious about sensory stuff but a lot of it was like. Okay every once in a while you will touch something that is Bad Texture and you will scrub your skin raw about it for the next couple of hours. Annoying repeating sounds fade into the background for you but God Forbid anyone talks while you're concentrating because now they've ruined everything. You'd rather starve than put Tastes Bad into your mouth and have gone to bed with hunger pains many times as a result. etc etc etc for me it wasn't so disabling but largely that was due to my mom knowing how to manage my symptoms and teaching me from a very young age how to cope.

And then with the seizures my major warning sign was a colossal headache that refused to go away which was a sign to go lay down somewhere quiet and dark for a few hours until it passed or else a lightning storm would happen in my skull :D

But the brain injury... that really upset everything. Which is commonly reported, when I was finally able to speak I told my neurologist that I felt like a completely different person and not in a good way and he said that most TBI survivors have said this.

Honestly the best way I can describe it is that. Hmm. Imagine... your TV is too loud. When I say too loud I mean like. It hurts to be in the same room as the TV, it's bordering on the edge of so loud that it makes you physically take a step back. When the TBI first happened, that was any and every stimulus to my senses. My clothes touching my skin was Too Loud. Tasting my food was Too Loud. The ambient light coming from my window was Too Loud. And so on and so forth. Because there was an actual damaged piece of my brain, it was really struggling to parse any more information than "oh, no, ow, make that stop".

I wore blacked out glasses inside because I couldn't stand to keep my eyes open otherwise. I would ask my roommates to whisper several rooms down if they were going to talk to each other or on the phone because even just hearing their footsteps was like someone was taking a hammer to my forehead. I was usually naked because the feel of my shirt against my back would set me off. There's a lot I can't remember from that time but I remember being so frustrated as I hid under my covers from the light and the ambient noise of living with a bunch of people and their pets that "trying harder" and "pushing through" honestly just made everything worse.

It's a lot better now. It'll be 5 years in July. But every once in a while something will still set me off and I will be back in that place, frustrated with myself as I feel my brain hurtling towards a Very Loud Meltdown that I cannot get to stop.

I just don't appreciate being told that it's somehow lesser because my legs work. Especially considering TBIs are so common, and they happen so fast. All it takes is one good knock on the head and then you'll be just like me.

[sylvie-lee]

Currently living in a world where Shax and the demons didn't show up during the ball. Like. Hear me out.

Crowley and Aziraphale finish their dance.

They return to the side of the room and watch Maggie and Nina dancing in confusion (or Crowley does, Aziraphale is beaming at him like he hung the stars).

Finally, Azi decides to be brave. He pulls Crowley into the back room. "Crowley?"

Crowley looks lost in the sauce, bordering on terrified, because he doesn't recognize the expression Azi is making and he thought he knew all of Azi's expressions.

Aziraphale tries to stumble through something resembling a confession but it goes just about as well as one might imagine and he's getting frustrated because he can tell that Crowley is not understanding him. Crowley, for his part, thinks that Aziraphale is trying to end their friendship (he keeps saying things like, "I don't want things to change, exactly, but..." etc.) and is completely panicked. (I actually think that in universe Azi knows perfectly well that Crowley likes him, but for the sake of this headcanon we're ignoring that.)

This escalates for a bit until Azi finally gives up and just grabs him and kisses him.

Crowley then has a complete Error 404 moment.

Azi recognizes the lack of response, panics, and retreats, apologizing left right and center. He just has to stand there suffering for a hot second while Crowley remembers what his name is. Once Crowley's pulled himself together, he tries to say something, but Aziraphale is still kinda just babbling and won't listen, so he steps forward and takes Azi's face in his hands. Azi shuts up. Then he very slowly leans forward and kisses him. They kiss for a hot second.

When they break apart, Aziraphale says, so soft and sweet in the same voice he uses for smitten, "I love you, Crowley".

Crowley is just trying to convince himself that he's awake. "I love you, angel."

End scene.

10 reblogs and I'll write the fic

[verdemoun]

So sorry for spamming your inbox 😰😰 but you mentioned the gang kinda infantilizing timewarp Kieran and thinking that he wouldn't know what sex is when in actuality that man FUCKS!!! And especially since I think you've said he has anxiety and autism or atleast autistic traits and it's common for allistics to think that autistic people can't make choices or advocate for themselves does he get a bad bitch moment of telling other gang members to STFU!!! And that he has infact been living in modern times for several years and doesn't need to be coddled through everything. Or am I looking into a single line too hard and I'm actually crazy

I am going to kiss your brain that was a very intentional deliberate line congratulations on picking it up!!!!! Yes that was a very conscious seg-way into the gang tending to infantilize Kieran a little and he will absolutely manipulate it.

Sometimes - sometimes he does appreciate it. Sometimes he needs those borderline childish comforts people wouldn't think to offer an adult. If Lenny is struggling they will offer him a whiskey and a night out at the bar, which if Kieran was already not in a good headspace would be Hell. The fact the gang would sooner bring him his safe snacks and hot chocolate and a plush blanket while he watches cartoons is comforting even if it is coming from a place of not entirely seeing him as an adult. But it gets irritating. Being semi-verbal, even when he expresses said frustration it can get brushed off and it just adds to the irritation . The gang freaking out over room shuffling to make room for a new timewarped person: Kieran he would offer his room knowing it was temporary and is fine sleeping on the couch, hell he'd probably enjoy sleeping on a bedroll in the backyard for a few days/weeks: but they won't even consider asking Kieran for anything.

But most of the time he manipulates it. Hosea never lectures Kieran about a job because poor helpless boy could never survive the real world so he gets to live easy staying at Bessie's house or Annabelle's being absolutely spoiled. All he needs to do is flash his big old sad eyes and the gang will give him cash for whatever he wants. Sometimes it's the latest breyer horse model, sometimes it's alcohol and a few galaxy brownies. No questions, no bills, he's living the millennium dream.

Javier is the first one to see through his pouty playing into the infantilization and is honestly just jealous he can't get away with it himself. Calling Hosea out like 'stop telling me to get a job you never tell Kieran to get a job are you saying my patito is less capable because his brain works different despite being you more than willing not to say anything to protect him from being a whipping boy in the old days???' and Hosea has to walk away he is simultaneously stunned and ashamed. Still doesn't start nagging Kieran to get a job and Kieran playfully whacks Javier for even risking putting the idea in his head. He likes easy street and feels he's bloody earned it after his life experiences.

The number one thing that reminds the gang Kieran is not baby boy is any shooting game. He is first pick in paintball or laser tag or anything similar because the Kieran Duffy 'tendency not to mention how capable I actually am' started long before modern era and he is a terrifyingly good sharp shooter. First time the gang realised he was the last man standing and had taken out everyone in pvp they were almost annoyed why didn't you bring this up in canon era and he brushes it off with a teehee I like horses more. Bordering on being a brat about it sometimes and the gang still don't notice how much they tend to infantilize him. He will abuse the assumption he is incapable of things like it's lumbago, he isn't lazy he just doesn't like being expected to work and for the most part won't go out of the way to correct the infantilized assumption he can't do things by himself.

[lloydfrontera]

How would you characterize Lloyd/Suho’s relationship with Alicia in Tged? I’ve just started the webcomic and I find their dynamic so fascinating despite that they’re not the main relationship of the series.

it's. it's hard to describe. and tbh i'm not the best person to ask. i am not a lloyd/alicia shipper and i was too fascinated by every single other of lloyd's relationships that i think i missed when their relationship started to shift into a more personal one.

lloyd respects alicia, he knows she's a tolerant, fair and just queen, he feels relatively safe that she won't screw him over for no reason and knows he has her absolute trust. he's kind of afraid of her tho lol like not because he thinks she's evil or anything but simply because, well, she's the queen. you gotta treat royalty carefully. and alicia is the kind of ruler that wants to squeeze the last bit of use of her subjects, not without fair compensation of course but still, she isn't the kind of person who likes to see a competent person just lazying around when she can put them to use to the betterment of her kingdom. so that's. not good for lloyd's plans lol

as for alicia... she mainly thinks he's a very smart, very competent, very stingy and petty person lmao. he's cunning and insolent and lazy and capable and she kinda likes him. he's frustrating but he's trustworthy. he's annoying but he's reliable. he's cheap but he's hardworking. he's exactly the kind of person she wants working for her.

"A competent individual was to be used. Ignoring one's talent was wasteful, and it bordered on being sinful. The more tired capable individuals became, the more prosperous the kingdom and people's lives became." <- alicia's ideology and lloyd's worst fears lol

she knows exactly what he wants and how very non-ambitious he is. that he wants to live an ordinary life and he's just itching to be free of having to work. she is absolutely not up for that lol

so like. they're both extremely smart people. intellectually they're pretty much equals. but when it comes to their power dynamic i always feel a bit iffy tbh 😅 i really didn't like the change they made to the webcomic where alicia outright threatens to invade the frontera fiefdom if lloyd doesn't do the work she has for him. most of their interactions is either her summoning him for a job or lloyd going to her to offer something in exchange for her help or to avoid a disaster. and when it comes to their flirting it mainly boils down to alicia flustering lloyd and lloyd just,,, accepting it ig jakshdska

i don't know! i feel like a missed a huge chunk of the novel! like! honestly! at the end of the novel, lloyd says that when he was struggling with his despair back in korea that two people he thought the most about was javier and the queen. javier because he was like a brother who had always been there with him. and the queen because he'd never told her about his feelings. and like???? what feelings??? when did that happen?????? we have 400+ chapters of lloyd and javier's relationship growing and changing and evolving and then we have,,, i'm not sure how many chapters are about lloyd and alicia interacting actually, sorry, but they're not nearly enough for me to believe he would think about her an equal amount to someone he spent the better part of the last few years of his life with or to, y'know, his found family, the one he also spent years coming to know and love.

my feelings about their relationship are very tainted by my frustration that the author seemingly couldn't bring himself to give lloyd a happy ending that didn't involve him getting married to the only female side character who was 1) not related to him, 2) already in a relationship with someone else and 3) who's character development was directly related to her not having to marry for duty. it just. it had to end with him marrying for it to be a happy ending apparently.

so i'm really not the best person to ask about them i'm so, so sorry alskdhlasd

[soulsxng]

GUYS, I CAN NEVER TELL WHAT MORAL ALIGNMENT THIS LIL' SHIT (Eluvias, my lovely little problem child) IS. I'm putting the rest under a read more because I know it's gonna end up super ramble-y.

So first, the way I look at the alignments is loosely this: - Good = Would save someone in trouble without promise of reward. - Neutral = Would leave someone in trouble to their fate. Might intervene for reward. - Evil = Would harm/kill/otherwise detriment person in trouble. and then: - Lawful = For principle - Neutral = For necessity - Chaotic = For impulse

And I can never tell if he fits best as true neutral, chaotic neutral, or neutral evil. Which...look, I know that technically no character should fit perfectly into an alignment. Different situations, and pressures, and whatever else could always make a character act outside of that alignment after all-- if they didn't, it would make the character kinda flat and predictable. (Plus, examining what would make them act out of that "norm", how they would do it, and how they would react to it afterwards is one of the most interesting parts of writing a muse imo)

But with Luvi, it always just feels like he decides how he's going to react to everything on a whim. Which...immediately points me toward chaotic. But good and evil don't really fell like they completely fit him, so I always sway towards chaotic neutral.

Except that he has done and will do some really fucked up shit. Sometimes just because he felt like it. Other times because he felt it was what he had to do, or even because it was what he should do in that situation.

And sometimes it's a little frustrating when I write him, because I feel like he can come off so all over the place at times that I worry that he doesn't come across as a consistent muse...like he does whatever, because...well, whatever. Which wasn't the case when he was still in Elyki.

Noticing that is what made me realize that it's because of that, that Luvi is so unpredictable now, though. Even if Zahine spoiled the hell out of him when he was young, he still grew up under very strict rules. Pretty much everything he did was heavily regulated. (With Zahine, it was for Luvi's health and wellbeing at a time when he was very frail and weak. With Mattias later on, it was just because Luvi was a tool that was potentially very dangerous to everyone in Elyki as well if he wasn't...essentially "holstered properly")

Now that he's away from that, he's suddenly bombarded with choices that he's never had to make before. He wants to be nice, and good-- partly because that's what he views his older brother and Zahine as being, and partly because he wants to make friends. (and then not have to worry about feeling like he has to or wants to hurt them)

His upbringing with Zahine taught him more that he needs to watch out for himself, and that-- while he should be cautious of others, he shouldn't hurt them unless he actually has to. That, as long as it won't detriment him, he should help people in dire need, but to generally let those in lesser need take care of their problems on their own. Kind of a good/neutral bordering.

But his upbringing with Mattias also taught him that...essentially, the lives of others that he doesn't know shouldn't ultimately matter to him. And that if he wants or needs something, he should just take it, regardless of how he has to get it. That if someone slights you even a little bit, or even if you just don't really care for someone. They annoy you? You can get rid of them.

And so really, he's just caught in this really confusing limbo where...kind of like a child that's just trying whatever comes to mind, seeing what happens from there, and deciding "Wow, that worked out pretty well!" or "That went really poorly..." from there.

Io and Zai try to help him with all of this, because they know he's overwhelmed, but neither of them can (or should, since that was a bit of an issue in and of itself; Luvi's obsessive nature definitely didn't help any of this) be there to hold his hand all the time.

Anyway, all of this is pretty much to say that I don't think I can put Luvi in any alignment, at the moment. He's got too much learning to do.

It also makes me wonder if Io was ever that way too, but I honestly don't really think he was. Not only was he old enough when Zahine went missing that he remembered a lot of the things that Zai stood for, but he was always especially defiant with Mattias. So while there might have been a little bit of figuring things out in that manner when he was taken under Pythius and Rhezar's wings, it wasn't anywhere near what it currently is with Luvi.

[lucy-the-demon]

Warrior cats, a starless clan, book 5, wind review.

As always , spoilers for the series and for this book

Review down below

So I had to read it twice because the first time I read it I was in a bad mood and I was stressed out over things at the time so it kinda went blank one, through one ear (or eye because i don't use audiobooks) and out the other

So I re read it and looked at other reviews to fully grasp what was happened

I mean your gonna have to read this book to know that's going on in the 6th book but it's a lot of Filler so I'll give you the rundown of what happens first before stating my personal opinions on the book itself

Alrighty let's get this overwith..

* cracks open a pepsi*

So the book starts with Frostpaw going to the gathering to announce splashtail is a murderer and he shouldn't be riverclans leader and starclan told her it wasn't gonna end well

In previous books her visions weren't true until she actually started getting real vision from starclan And she had admitted her visions at first weren't true before she got real visions so the other four clans don't believe her when she mentions starclan speaking to her

Which is frustrating for the reader knowing Frostpaw is telling the truth.

So they call her a liar and splashtail exiles her from Riverclan for speaking against him, so tigerstar the 2nd let's her stay in his clan and the park cats that Frostpaw brought with her stay in thunderclan

Tigerstar the next day starts a clan meeting where he wants the cats to tell him their grievances, frostpaw speaks up at the meeting telling him that her clan suffered the most from him showing up and taking control, which makes the other cats speak up, afterwards he tells her that he was nice enough to let her stay but she tells him it was her clan who suffered and not his where he respects her for being strong and speaking her mind and afterwards she asks if she can sneak off to Riverclan tigerstar 2 tells her she can but she can't bring his warriors with her.

She accepts this than spies on the Riverclan camp where splashtail is doing battle training and finds out he hasn't gotten his nine lives yet, Mothwing catches her but doesn't say anything and goes to a spot away from the clan where they talk about how splashtail is running the clan. Mothwing admitting she doesn't like how his rule is going and when they talk about him getting his 9 lives Frostpaw gives the idea that hes gonna push it off until the other cats just accept it. Which scares Mothwing about starclan abandoning Riverclan making them 'a starless clan' as the title implies

So in sunbeams pov a few chapters later sunbeam and nightheart see a windclan patrol and breezepelt tells her that he saw berryheart and the other two near the windclan border and that berryheart looked bad which worries sunbeam. So she asks her leader, squirrelstar, if she can see if her family is okay, squirrelstar allows her but don't get caught.

Meanwhile on the half moon medicine cat meeting, frostpaw goes with shadowsight and puddleshine to the moonpool where the other cats question if she should stay but overall lets her stay podlight and mothwing show up and theirs a short argument between Frostpaw and podlight over whos the true medicine cat and podlight admits that splashtail hasn't been taken to the moonpool to revive his lives, to the dismay of the others But it ends shortly so they can visit starclan at the moonpool.

Frostpaw sees a vision of a shadow looming over the lake and the water draining which implies that splashtail is going to destroy Riverclan to the reader, but in-universe skyclan and Riverclan and windclan med cats dismiss this vision as Frostpaw is the reason for the destruction, where the other medicine cats take it seriously and say " if it was fake why would she make herself the shadow in Riverclan" (not the graphic novel)

Sunbeam visits her mom and sees she got a nasty cut on some glass and it's getting infected and later when she gets back nightheart is keeping watch for the medicine cats while sunbeam is getting herbs to help her mom. When alderheart and Jayfeather come back sunbeam tells him to stall them, where nightheart asks them about Frostpaw, which makes the med cats and him talk about the vision she got with squirrelstar, so squirrelstar and nightheart go to shadowclan

They talk about the vision and what Frostpaw saw while spying on Riverclan which makes them worried about where this was going

The next few chapters Frostpaw and puddleshine hide in a bush at the moonpool to see if splashtail went to the nine lives ceremony, he comes with podlight and they mock the ceremony unknowingly in front of the two med cats. Splashtail saying " if we see reedwhisker again I could kill him a second time" while the two mock the ceramony with no intention of actually doing it riverstar jumps out of the moonpool over the two toms and looks at frostpaw and puddleshine

The two toms joking about the ceremony don't notice him at all even as he jumped over their heads, while Frostpaw and puddleshine see him clearly and know that podlight is a fake medicine cat.

The next chapter ( I think) sunbeam gives the herbs to her mom and berryheart refuses, so sunbeams dad and brother say they'll put it in her prey to make her eat it. Sunbeams brother telling her she will need a medicine cat soon to prevent her from dying as her wound has gotten worse. Sunbeam makes a plan to get her mom to Jayfeather and alderheart in 3 days

But she gets caught by a windclan patrol as she goes home and has to stay in their camp for the night and so the next day squirrelstar is about to punish her before tigerstar 2 shows up and tells them about what frostpaw and puddleshine saw and squirrelstar wants to wait until they have windclans side because leafstar refused to hear tigerstar 2 and the med cats out

After tigerstar 2 and the shadowclan patrol leaves squirrelstar punishes sunbeam by not allowing her out of camp and to do apprentice duties. Which Sunbeam is upset knowing she can't help her mom get to a med cat in 3 days like she promised her brother she would

So 3 days later she asks nightheart if he could help them and he does but they didn't show up, nightheart says something like" it's probably because it's me" because y'know berryheart is a Karen who hates the fact her daughter loves nightheart a thunderclan cat while her daughter was shadowclan and shes bitter because she's a Karen

So anyways harestar( windclan ) says they'll think on their decision and when the gathering comes Frostpaw calls out how he mocked starclan at the 9 lives ceramony and splashtail ignored her and calls her a liar, where tigerstar 2 calls it out as well and they ask what harestars decision is and he's on splashtails side which crushes Frostpaw, and after the gathering two riverclan cats on Frostpaws side tell her they plan on turning more cats against splashtail which gives her hope.

And waffle becomes a thunderclan apprentice and becomes wafflepaw along with bristlekit, greykit and stem kit getting their apprentice names.

That night Frostpaw has a vision that a tree is going to crush the windclan nursery so she starts to go to windclan

Sunbeam is finally able to leave the camp again and is hunting with her patrol when a storm starts to come, they go into a bush and see frostpaw going through the territory she tells them she has to go to windclan and leaves to go to the border soon after going into the bush for shelter.

The patrol come back to the camp and Sunbeam and nightheart are working on securing the elders den putting branches up to help the elders from being cold.

Meanwhile Frostpaw sees a windclan patrol and tells them she needs to see kestrelflight the cats constantly shrug her off rudely until she tells them her vision of the windclan nursery getting crushed from a tree, since they don't have trees nearby they basically call her stupid but bring the med cat so she'll leave. Kestrelflight shrugs her vision off too, and Frostpaw instead of going back to shadowclan runs to thunderclan where she tells squirrelstar about her vision and gets help from nightheart and sunbeam

As they run to windclan lightning strikes a tree and a large chunk it it starts flying towards windclan and then crushes the nursery, whistlepaw trying to get in to save her sister leafkit with some work Frostpaw gets whistlepaw to get out and she does and has wounds.

They move enough branches for Sunbeam to get in and she rescues leafkit and gets her back to her mom unscathed

After a while of helping in the medicine den, kestrelflight apologies for how she acted to Frostpaw and forgives whistlepaw for lying to the clan that Frostpaw died seeing now why she did it And harestar finally believes Frostpaw has real visions and is the true medicine cat for Riverclan.

The day after they get back to their clans tigerstar talks to squirrelstar about the recent news with windclan and how they can't fight unless Riverclan takes action and Frostpaw plans to spy on them so nightheart and sunbeam offer to join her which she accepts

And wafflepaw tells nightheart how he let wasp go to Riverclan and the cats are freaking out, until Riverclan rudely gives back wasp and threatens them with violence if they catch another cat spying and wasp decides to go back to the park

So Frostpaw, Sunbeam and nightheart have to be careful to not get caught so they go the path through windclan and spy on Riverclan

Splashtail having cats use their claws on each other and it turns out mothwing, icewing and duskfur left Riverclan after they stood up against him and splashtail wants to kill them. Harelight asks him if he's being too harsh and splashtail kills him in front of their clanmates. Turns out berryheart joined Riverclan and splashtail makes her their deputy To the spying cats horror.

So now Frostpaw has to find the 3 missing cats before splashtail kills them too

And that's how the book ends

Actual review

So I kinda find it funny how berryheart is becoming the very thing she swore to destroy. And her being so hateful to other clans caused her to also want to be hateful to shadowclan. She's literally " you either die a hero, or live long enough to become the villain"

I forgot to mention but in the prologue splashtail says in his inner dialogue that he won't get his 9 lives because he thinks he shouldn't have starclans blessing, I think that will make him easier to get rid of than he thinks

And I doubt berryheart is going to become leader next book I think she's gonna die before she even thinks about it

So you know how curlfeather died to save frostpaw

Well I think berryheart gonna die saving Sunbeam

Remember how In the broken code bristlefrost saved rootspring from drowning and how at the end she died saving shadowsight?

And about who's gonna be riverclans leader, either mothwing, Frostpaw or bee.

Mothwing is My least favorite choice because she's cannonically an atheist and how she feels happy to be a medicine cat I feel like it would ruin her character

In thunder bee had visions about being near a bunch of cats they didn't recognize and perhaps that means he will be leader to Riverclan

And Frostpaw becoming leader sounds like a stretch but perhaps bee comes to Riverclan after berryheart and splashtail are dead and makes Frostpaw the leader without her needing a warrior name Because riverstar seems to have been giving her lessons on being a leader, and she seems much more like a leader as the books have gone on. The only issue is if she is going to become leader, who will she meet at the 9 lives ceramony? Not a lot of people in her life has died for it to make up 9 cats.

I guess we'll just have to wait till November when the book comes out

The only issue here is that the book feels frustrating knowing that Frostpaw is right and that the cats who are on splashtails side are wrong. It's a little frustrating to read and it makes you feel like these cats are stupid despite the fact it makes sense considering she acknowledged she used to have fake visions.

Of course they wouldn't believe her but it's still frustrating

And leafstar uncharacteristically is on splashtails side, despite often being on the side of the good Guys, I get it they needed conflict but idk.. I hope next book she realizes splashtail is the bad guy because jeez this isn't in character leafstar..

That's it bye..

[jumpols-nostrils]

I'm gonna say this and I mean it unironically:

But that Uncle Kit got too much screen time and too many lines.

He makes himself look more ridiculous and annoying rather than frightening, and also shows too much of the character's weaknesses when it comes to writing.

Some of it might be intentional, but I think a large portion of it isn't, especially the parts that make me feel more bored than anything else. Where I'm just sitting there like. Yeah. He's a powerful adult and being violent and awful. Later he will regret that. Great. What's the point here? Why are we still going on in this pacing? I feel like this whole episode didn't bring us anywhere except making me annoyed at the villain.

Only good thing was Chopper trying to stop his dad. Literally stole the episode, in my opinion. But then his dad talked too much again. Yes, what he said is awful, the whole situation is. And it's frustrating. But it was even more frustrating because we already knew that? This episode felt a lot like walking in circles.

Then uncle Kit is just setting up traps for people by making them believe they are helping someone important to them, and in the end succeeds because everytime everyone steps in his traps. Even tho he keeps doing the same stupid thing.

Also, the more the uncle does, the more obvious it becomes that the crime scene part wasn't really thought through. The less said, the more believable it becomes. The more is said, the more room for mistakes that will destroy the illusion of realism.

We can just build illegal casinos in our hotels. I will make a deal with the police who are the end all force in every law system. And of course, that will solve it. Also, I kinda kill one person per week on average without much sacrifice on my end. After all, Uncle Kit is a very big.... Co-owner of a hotel chain. Lol

The general treatment of Palm, Nueng and Chopper borders on torture porn. Actually weird. I don't think I've seen it to that degree in gmmtv shows so far.

And it's not like I mind the suffering at a higher risk. Tho, one; maybe do these experiments with characters that are at least out of their teens. And secondly, make me believe that that is a reasonable outcome of the situation

I really would have bought it more easily if half the cast was dead by now instead of living in constant dread.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to shit on the show. It did a lot of really cool stuff for the most part. I liked the characters. But somewhere it derailed for me and by now I'm mostly interested in Chopper since I don't think there will be too much happening with the rest anymore. And I think this stop could have been avoided.

[thecat-inthehat]

7.1 msq done. Under a cut because it's a bit negative, also kinda rambly and talks about 7.0 stuff.

I am. So fucking bored. This shit is so stupid and I am tired of the same (the same!!) plot about families trotted out for the fifth time! DT has this incredible world and culture on both sides yet refuses to actually do anything with the characters that it has or the plot and politics that could be there.

I am so, so, so fucking tired of the "well daddy had a good reason for abandoning you" plot that's shown up so many times and having every character just. Be okay with it. "Oh, it's for a good cause? I'm not mad then, all my complex feelings about family are resolved :)". Individually each one could be interesting, but having this be compounded by all three Promises, Krile, Erenville, and Gulool Ja...? This shit is getting so fucking old, and it isn't even using the similar stories to draw out the differences, it's just ... the same? Every time?

DT as a whole was... not really an enjoyable experience for me, but less in a way that's personally upsetting and just "frustration bordering on indifference." And 7.1 is just more of the same...? A lot of DT feels as though it isn't actually in conversation with what it's about, with like... Yeah there's some touches on Alexandria's imperialism and colonialism, but it refuses to engage with that on a meaningful level and instead coddles the people of Solution 9 to a batshit degree. There's also something to be said about generational trauma with regards to all these Bad Parent Plotlines, but then it's swept under the rug for "oh dad had a good reason" and then not explored at all.

It does not help that I really dislike Sphene for reasons that are hard to fully articulate but can be dumbed down to "this is a bad take on a well trodden sci-fi archetype, Stargate did most of this in 40 minutes and did it better". The second I saw the regulators and watched them erase the memory of a woman I groaned so long and loud because I knew it wasn't going to be handling it well.

Wuk Lamat is... fine? For the most part? But it really bothers me that her selfishness (Seeing WoL as a new toy and Koana feeling left behind before the ceremony; Refusing to engage with Erenville's grief in Living Memory) isn't actually recognized as like... a real problem. The story is doing that thing where it's not actually engaging with the things that's its presenting -- it doesn't even acknowledge that Wuk Lamat is selfish with regards to that, or that it's a character flaw that she has. I don't mind if characters are complex or bad or whatever, I just want the narrative to actually know what it's talking about.

It's also extremely frustrating to watch the Scions, well established characters, not act like themselves. You cannot convince me that Alisaie fucking Leveilleur would look at the regulators, the erasure of memory, and just go "I don't like it, but it's not my place to judge! :/", not when she pioneered the cure for tempering out of a desire not to lose anyone else in her life the way she lost her Grandfather. Y'shtola would not have mildly sat back and let us go through the gate to Living Memory without her, she just wouldn't have. It feels like the characters we know are being forced to go along with what the DM wants at the cost of their actual character arcs just because the plot needs them to get from A to B.

Sighs. Man. It's really fucking dire when I legit considered asking someone else to tell me when the story was getting good again and just unsubbing for a while. And like... I don't like this feeling. This game, this story, has meant a lot to me over the years, I've been playing it since 2015. I want to like Dawntrail, I was even enjoying myself during the Rite of Succession! I love the areas that we go to, the culture and the quests that you can do, etc. But this just... feels kinda bad.

I dunno what I'm gonna do about all these feelings, I just needed to get it out of my head. Maybe I do need a break from XIV, but it's not the game itself that I have an issue with, just the story? And the story is still going to be there when I come back... I'll think about it.

[sussybakaontherun]

ugh!

so tuition fees for a school turned out to be higher than I expected (I mean the fee itself is fine but school needs proof that you won't bail and actually have enough money to also live there) and when we discussed it with a friend they were all like "oh! I'm not planning on applying rn want me to send you my share for a quick screenshot for school so they accept your application?" and I was like !! wow cool! let's do this!

so I prepared necessary docs and all left to do was for my friend to transfer me money for like a day before I return it to them and now they just. don't wanna do it. I'm. hm. why did they suggest it in the first place if they're scared of transferring big sums. what. what. it wasn't my idea in the first place and I won't pressure them into doing something they don't want to but I mean maybe they shouldn't have suggested it?.. if they weren't going to go through with this?

idk man it's all kinda frustrating

also the borders are closing soon and if I don't apply now I'm not sure I'll be able to get there at all. kinda time sensitive. idk.

I won't quit my job so I know that even with school I'll be able to afford basic necessities and somewhere to live but the school wants me to have all this money ahead of time and needs proof of me having it. idk.

[seeminglyseph]

I know in Japan they count weed as one of the Big Bads of the drug world and so like, I would probably have to like… do the “don’t disclose on border crossings that you have consumed, even if it’s legal in your country.” Which was, as far as I know, also something you had to do to go to the states from Canada and you got asked about it. (I know for the most part no one cares, but border crossing and border guards have a lot of power and you never know what guard on what day you’re gonna run into. You usually run into the guard who doesn’t give a fuck, but you *might* run into that guard who decided they needed to arrest that lady who accidentally crossed from Canada into the states while walking down the beach and she ended up in the American prison system for like months because he was having a “Respect Mah Authoretay” day. border crossing and airport security can ruin your day and your life just ‘cause they feel like it. They’re like if Cops had Costumer Service jobs. It’s a match made in hell.)

At one point when I was in high school my Japanese teacher advised us to never have any if we wanted to eventually go to Japan, but it hadn’t been legalized in Canada and I think that had to do with drug charges. I think if it’s legal then like… it’s not like someone’s gonna be testing your hair for like a timeline of potential usage? And if it’s for a visitation it’s not like.. I’m not getting a job or something there. I already know there’s literally no way I would ever physically survive living in Japan. Besides the climate I would never be allowed to. Like Japan is so strict with visas I don’t contribute anything and am disabled. Like. Denied every time. I think there are actually a decent handful of countries I wouldn’t be allowed to live in with my disabilities. There are a handful of countries that deny immigration to people with certain conditions. And either way without a way to work or anything it’s not like I could get a working visa anyway. I already kinda knew I couldn’t really afford to move or support myself anywhere, and that like. For all its steep pitfalls, I do like my home…. It can be really hard realizing that like. I don’t really have a place I *could* go if I left.

Being someone who became disabled young is often like… very frustrating. It doesn’t really give you time to build the kind of foundation that a lot of people already seem to have or expect. It’s really frustrating.

[kikishead]

I can't just leave it at this I need to rant a little.

Like this discussion is so black and white, and everyone completely ignores the fact that the others' experiences may be just as valid. This is my personal view on it from my personal experience.

As a European, I get that it is frustrating to constantly be bombarded with American things. Like American movies, songs, books, political discussions, and news. And America has so much power over other countries, including European ones. Our lifes are often centred around America, especially when you're on english speaking social media. And American imperialism is a very real thing. The US is almost the only country that has actual cultural power over Europe.

So europeans, especially those who are not used to another country having cultural power over them, will feel threatened. And that's one reason why europeans hate on Americans so much. Because they treat us the way we treat other countries.

And americans saying "Oh you want to be us so bad, and that's why you're hating" is kinda stupid. Like, no, we just get America shoved down our throats.

But another reason for europeans hating on America is that europeans tend to think that we're better and more humane than everyone else. (I know very ironic considering what we did and still do to the rest of the world) When we hate on America, we can openly show this false belief of superiority without being called out for being racist/xenophobic/just straight up assholes bc "look at America with all of their problems and their whole "America first" spiel ofc you're not a dick for making fun of them". Ofc that does not apply to all europeans but to some.

But to be honest, we're often not any better than Americans. Racism is just as big of an issue in europe as it is in America, the way we treat people trying to find refuge in europe is just as bad as the way America treats Mexican people on their border and we suck at geography just as much with the only exception that we know Europe's and northamericas geography (not even the whole of europe). (I mean, it is a stereotype that Americans can't even point out the continents, and I guess most europeans can do that, but still). Europeans like to complain that Americans treat europe as a playground or that they generalise us, but we do the same thing to Africa and asia. And quite a lot of Americans seem to be ignorant of how much power their country has over other countries and stuff, but I can't really blame them. I mean europeans are often ignorant of how much influence europe has. If Americans only saw the stupid and entitled europeans, they would think that we're fcking idiots too. (And there are a lot of Americans who think that about Europeans, which is fair tbh)

Like I mentioned in the beginning, there is a very strong focus on America in europe. And this is one of the reasons why europeans hate on Americans so much.

However hating on America won't divert that focus back to our own countries. If anything, it will make our focus on America way stronger, and we often ignore the problems in our own countries bc of that. An example of that is when the black lives matter movement became very big in 2020. I saw so many comments of european people who were like, "Oh yeah racism in America is such a big issue, but why are there black lives matter protests here in Germany? Like we're not as racist as racist as them." And there are so many things to criticise about comments like that, but I won't get into that right now. They just show how the focus on American society and politics makes us blind to our own. But also europeans use that. When they support the black lives matter movement in America, they can label themselves as antiracist, without actually doing the same amount of work a white American antiracist has to do bc they don't have to question their own society and culture as long as they focus on racism in America. This is not necessarily something europeans do consciously bc as I mentioned before , we often get introduced to blm and other social justice movements by Americans on social media, so we automatically get a very American perspective on these things. meaning we know how racism is part of the dominant American culture but if we don't do the work to research on the history in our own countries ( or find creators from our own countries who talk about racism in our country) we are ignorant to how racism is part of the culture of our country. But a lot of europeans choose to be ignorant of racism in europe in the same way a lot of white Americans choose to be ignorant of racism in America. But this is just one example.

Like I said before, the focus on American issues leads to (sometimes willful) ignorance towards the issues that are going on in ones own country. But it also leads to people automatically applying American social issues (and their complex cultural details) to their own country. For example, when I look at discussions about feminism in Germany, a lot of times, American statistics are used. Meaning they take a study that was conducted in America with American test subjects and apply it to Germany. There are some studies that were made in Germany (I guess) but they are not well known and not used a lot in discussions about sexism and other social and cultural issues. While the dominant American and dominant German culture have some similarities they are not the same. The same study may have different results in Germany than in America. And we need studies that have been done in Germany to get an idea of problems in Germany. Also there may be some problems in Germany that don't exist in America or that don't exist in the same way in America.

So to summarize: America has power over Europe (American imperialism). Europeans hate on and make fun of Americans bc we constantly get American stuff showed down our throats, we get to feel superior to them without being called out for being racist/xenophobic. Europe is not that much better than America. We're lowkey just pissed bc America treats us the way we treat other countries and continents. The focus on America does not get less from us hating on and making fun of them. The focus on America leads to ignorance regarding social issues in europe.

Some last notes: I probably overanalysed this, but it lowkey got from making fun of one another to straight-up fighting, so maybe it's warranted. We should just start being able to recognise that both Europe and America are shit in a lot of ways and allow ourselves to laugh at jokes about our countries that are not crossing a line (like making fun of mass shootings and stuff like that will never sit right for me). English is obviously my second language, and I have not written a text this long in English since I graduated high school, which was last year, so if this is a complete mess, I am sorry. I tried to organise my thoughts a little bit and tumblr corrected some grammar mistakes and stuff, but idk how well that worked out.

Honestly this whole thing of europeans hating on Americans and Americans hating on Europeans and getting mad about Europeans hating on Americans and then Europeans being pissed that Americans are mad about them hating on America is so weird to me.

[ariparri]

Ismelda Murk • Character Revamp

Not only is Ismelda getting a redesign, I also gave her a bit of a revamp for her character.

In my canon, Ismelda is your typical teenager going through her angsty rebellious phase. I wanted to change up some things for Ismelda since some facts about her are kinda bordering on some triggering things. Especially the talk about animal cruelty. Though I did keep most aspects of Ismelda's backstory for my version.

🚫No Reposting🚫

——————

Ismelda acts as a calm, if emotionless, girl who does not bother to connect with others. She loves loud punk rock and metal music, dark colors and grunge fashion, anything that goes against her parents' ideals for her. While she does mention a lot of dark and graphic things, it’s mainly for shock value and not that she’s actually into committing such things.

She’s knowledgeable in the dark arts and the gruesome parts of history with magic. She practices a lot with hexes and jinxes in her spare time. Ismelda can be quite the perfectionist in her duelling skills, wanting the spell to be done perfectly from the stance down to the execution. One hair out of line will cause her to lose her temper.

Confident with her skills and strengths, her egotism borderlines vanity. Ismelda’s sordid thoughts are truly an enigma to all but herself. Merula may catch on to her, but even she can't completely unfurl Ismelda’s every pondering.

She disdainfully labels Annalena as the golden child of the family, her parents showering Annalena with so much love and attention while Ismelda is constantly lectured to make something of herself.

After trying so hard to strive for perfection, nothing ever seemed to be good enough for her parents, leading to Ismelda growing an inferiority complex as she is left behind in her older sister’s shadow.

Eventually Ismelda gave up on trying to be a copy of Annalena and tried exploring on her own.

In spite of her vocal hatred for Annalena, Ismelda does wish that they can have some sort of normal bond rather than striving to be perfect like her sister.

With her encounters with Veruca and Carson, they sympathize with her feelings regarding her desire; Veruca is understanding and amused while Carson pities Ismelda and seeks to alleviate her with his pranks and jokes, sometimes even coming up with pranks to use on her sister.

Though Ismelda abases Veruca for her determination with the vaults and finding her missing brother, she genuinely sympathizes with her as they share similar experiences with their older siblings being perfect examples. They also share a small rivalry over who has the superior knowledge of spells, though the two respect their methods in duelling tactics.

With Carson, Ismelda has obtained a comforting bond with him. Ismelda can find the Ravenclaw’s napping spots and is familiar with his fondness for her. She takes joy with her sly defiance to him, enjoying the untold frustration she inflicts on him. While she insists otherwise, she will be moved by his kindness towards her.

Her short lived friendship with Merula suggests that the former respected her efforts, her talents, and her undivided passion to humiliate others. She is one of the few people who can see through Merula and converse with her on equal ground.

After the Portrait incident, Beatrice idolized Ismelda for her attitude and lack of compassion and Ismelda is otherwise protective of the younger witch. However, Ismelda admits to being sickened by Penny’s pristine image. Ismelda has a passing rivalry with Tulip and Tonks as both girls have pranked Ismelda in the past, which leads to Ismelda trying to get back at them.

[ghosts-u]

Part 2

You run through the forest your lungs burning as you ran, you trip over falling flat face into a small body of water. You try to get up but your exhausted and the adrenaline was slowly starting to were off as you feel the dull throbbing of your bruises. You can barely manage to drag yourself away from the water before collapsing.

You don’t really know how long you were laying there but eventually you managed to find the strength to get up. You look at your self in the reflection of the water. Tears suddenly start to fall as everything that happened Finally starts to settle in. You almost died, you were in a fictional world where for all you know all of them want to kill you.

You cry even harder, what did you even do? You couldn’t help how you looked it’s not your fault for looking so closely to whatever God they were talking about, you never once claimed to be them so they should have left you alone.

“I want to go home.”

You say knowing no one will hear you. You tears quickly turn into tears of anger and frustration, how dare they

I didn’t do anything wrong they should have never treated me like that! You splash water on your face trying to dispel the thoughts from your head.

‘Nows not the time.’ You think as you look around you. You see a cryo slime behind you and freeze, it slowly hops up to you nuzzling into your side. You sigh in relief as it presses in too the bruises on your ribs you pat it’s head surprised that it doesn’t freeze your hand off.

“You…you smell different.”

You turn around and see Razor staring at you. “Oh hi, aren’t you a little weirded out to see a slime being so friendly to a human?” Razor tilts his head. “I smell no danger, Razor knows what it’s like for people to be scared of your friends.” You process that through and The realization hits you.

He was talking about the wolfs you always felt bad for Razor, well that could be said about some of the other characters. Mihoyo honestly dose a lot of them dirty by giving them depressing backgrounds. You gently pat his head and he looks up at you.“I’m Razor, your hurt I will help you.”

You kinda wanna laugh and give him a hug at the same time at how he says that so proudly he such a good person it make you want to cry. Razor applies some kind of weird looking paste on your wounds that instantly make you feel 100 times better. “How did you get hurt, you smell like knights. Did they hurt you?” You just nod not saying anything as Razor seems to hum in understanding.

“Knights are bad but good, Razor doesn’t really understand. They hurt lupical but they also help lupical.” Your a little confused before you realize what he’s implying. In his quest his family were literally getting killed but the knights didn’t seem to care, even though it was probably razor keeping the wolfs in check.

It must be frustrating but he couldn’t do anything the knights were the ones letting them stay so he couldn’t fight back, poor dude just wants to live with his family in peace. You wish you could help but you couldn’t there was nothing you could do especially with the knights opinion about you. Razor brings you to see the wolfs and you were a little surprised to see them they were huge!

You felt a lot better after petting all the wolfs for a moment you were able to Forget about everything that happened to you.

“You can stay with us, wolfs like you.”

You kinda wish you could but you can’t stay in Mondstadt. “Actually I was thinking about going to liyue. I don’t want to cause anymore trouble for your fam-lupical.” He looks a bit sad but seem to understand.

“Come back if you need, you are always welcome human lupical.”

You Immediately get up tackling him a

In a hug. “Oh my god you really are best boy so precious!” Razor looks very confused but hugs you back none the less.

With a pep to your step you make your way towards Dragonspine, you decided to go along the border to get to liyue to avoid the knights.

You could tell when you got close The cold winds that blew from dragonspine made you shiver. But you should be fine as long as the stayed along the border and didn’t actually going to Dragonspine, dying to sheer cold didn’t sound fun.

As you walk you Admiring the scenery thinking about what your going to do in liyue, you had found some of those boxes that had mora inside them that should last you a wile and finding a job shouldn’t be too hard and once you settled in you could try all of the food there. As your mind starts to wonder about what you could do once you get to liyue you don’t notice the figure standing behind you.

You feel a hand on your shoulder and let out a scream swinging your bag to hit the person behind you. You hit them Square in the face admittedly probably not doing too much damage because he didn’t have anything hard in your bag. Just as you bring your bag back to hit them again but you catch a glimpse of there face.

“Al-Albedo!”

He doesn’t look angry more concerned if anything as he gently takes your hand. “You recognize me. I see your hurt let me take a look your grace.” You let him do his inspection as he looks at your injuries.

“I’m sorry for hitting you I thought you were someone else.” He waves you off as he takes some things from his bag. “You don’t have to apologize. It’s my fault in the first place.”

He puts something cold on your face and he seems a bit less worried.

“You were headed to liyue right I’ll accompany you.” He says as he gets up. “Oh? Im fine with it, but are you sure what about Klee?” He smiles and you can’t help but think it looks handsome on his pretty face. “Klee should be fine, since I’m always up in dragonspine no one will notice I’m gone for a wile.”

You both make your way towards liyue you can immediately tell when you get there. It was Beautiful you couldn’t wait to explore as you made your way to the city. When you stop at Wangshu inn and your met with glares again as you slowly start to realize theses pepole were the same.

You stop not going inside as albedo looks at you questingly. “You should go get some supplies for the rest of our trip I’ll stay here and wait for you.” He looks hesitant but nods as he heads to the building.

You pull your hood up as you watch the night sky waiting for albedo.

Xiao looks up at the night sky before deciding to head back to Wangshu inn. He noticed someone standing by the inn but payed no mind to them until he sees a glimpse of there face.

He see red as he’s instantly in front of them and rips there cloak off. The world seems to slow as he gets a closer look at there face his breath catching in his throat. He felt his heart beat as he looked at them something was… different about them.

He couldn’t take his eye off them could… could they actually be the divine one, before he could ponder any further they spoke. “I’m-I’m so sorry i really am not trying to cause any problems I promise!” He frowns as he sees the bruises on their face taking a guess as to why there there.

‘Humans so foolish’ he thought. This person may bare resemblance to the high one but that didn’t warrant hostility though he supposed he could understand the anger. Or was it simply because he didn’t feel that this person was an imposter at all, he knew it was foolish but he just couldn’t shake the feeling.

He handed back there cloak as they took it back for mere moments there fingers brushed and in those mere moments he felt at peace. It felt as if the weight of his sins were lifted off his back for those few precious seconds he was Alatus again, the Alatus he was before he was taking by that evil god.

“Are you headed to liyue Harbor?” He asked and she looked surprised. “Your not-never mind. Yes I’m headed there with a friend we just stoped to get some supplies.” They slowly put back on there cloak and tug the hood up. “They say Rex lapis is a merciful god so I’m sure once I explain I’ll be able to live peacefully.”

He hums and crosses his arms Morax was a kind god he was sure he would listen and give this person refuge.

“I’m sure he’ll listen to your plight he is not one to judge someone based on appearances.” Xiao was not used to much interaction as when they turned around giving him a bright smile saying so brightly. “Thank you Xiao.” His heart could not take it and he immediately teleported away before they could see the bright red blush on his face.

He watched from a distance as they look around confused. ‘How did they know my name?’ He thinks but blushes as remembers how his name fell from there lips and how nice it sounded as they said his name.

Xiao suddenly disappears in a puff of smoke as you look around for him. “Did I do something?” You say out loud to your self as you almost collapse on your knees.

“I think I saw my life flash before my eyes.” You were pretty sure you were a goner when Xiao ripped off your cloak but luckly he took mercy on you.

“Maybe this means I’ll really be able to talk to Zhongli and live in liyue.”

_____________________

Idk really know how tumbler works so sorry if this looks weird. My units about to end for school and I’m busy catching up before it ends so the next chapter might take a wile.

[fortheloveofwonderland]

A Memory Locked In The Heart - Spencer Reid x fem! Reader

A/N - Requested by the lovely @overduelibrarybooks I hope this was the kind of thing you were looking for!

Find my masterlist here.

My taglists are open and requests are open.

Requested: Yes l No

Request: "could u ever write a spencer reid x reader where reader def works for the cia but more as a translator who’s kinda forced into doing agenty things in order to gather intel and on a mandated break she finds out the UNSUB before the team does so she uses herself as bait, and shoots the guy all very badass fashion n then gets interrogated bc ms girl just shot him coldblood and halfway thru she recognizes spencer bc her mother and his mom lived in the same care facility??? idk sorry my mom has paranoid too so it just hits different but u don’t have to write this if u don’t want to i love ur writing <3"

CW: disclaimer: I know next to nothing about the CIA and what they investigate so please go easy on me here. This is all made up so hopefully it makes some kind of sense. Mentions of violence and sex work, schizophrenia, Alzheimer’s, some swears. Mentions of drug use and overdose. Spanish used towards the end is from Google Translate so I apologise if it isn’t completely accurate. Italics indicate flashbacks.

Plot: Eighteen years ago you met a boy named Spencer Reid whilst visiting your mother at Bennington Sanitorium. This time you are meeting under entirely different circumstances; across the table of an interrogation room.

WC: 5.3K

—————————————————————

How did I end up here?

That was a question you kept asking yourself as you rolled into your third hour of sitting in that cold, dimly lit interrogation room at the FBI headquarters in Quantico, Virginia.

Well you supposed you’d have to go back to the beginning to truly work that out.

The CIA and FBI joint task force for a country wide sex trafficking ring they believed to be operating out of DC.

When your team at the CIA had started investigating it was estimated that the ring had close to a hundred women who had been abducted and forced into the sex industry.

A lot of women were believed to have been taken trying to cross the border. Your job as a translator had involved spending a lot of time in Mexico, helping interview witnesses and family members who didn’t speak English.

The FBI involvement had come when women believed to have been part of the trafficking ring started turning up dead.

At last count they were up to twenty bodies. The Behavioural Analyst Unit had given their profile of the man they believed to be running the show.

White male in his mid to late forties. Bilingual. Possibly born in Mexico or an area surrounding the border but grew up in DC, they assumed based on his knowledge of the area. He’s attractive, charming and has a good level of education, he’d need to be able to charm the women into trusting him. He doesn’t have a full time job because he wouldn’t have time for one. All his time and focus goes on his girls. He was tech savvy, incredibly so, he’d have to be, to be able to set up the network on the dark web which enabled his customers to pay for his services.

It hadn’t been going well. Bodies kept dropping and the task force was no closer to catching the person responsible.

This went on for six months. Everyone was exhausted. You kept hitting brick wall after brick wall. It was demoralising.

Your boss had called for mandated time off. You’d all argued but she had been absolutely adamant. You’d all been working yourselves to the bone and she didn’t want you burnt out entirely.

You’d argued but your words had fallen on deaf ears.

“Can I get you a glass of water or something?”

The voice startled you out of your thoughts. You looked up to see the lanky, messy haired agent who called himself Doctor Reid, sticking his head through the door.

“Is coffee an option?”

He smiled brightly at you, a smile you swear you’ve seen before.

“Coffee is always an option.” He told you. “How do you take it?”

“Strong and black. Please.”

“I’ll be right back.”

With that the door closed leaving you to your thoughts once more.

There was something so familiar about the Doctor. His dark yet sparkling eyes, his awkward smile and the way he dressed. You couldn’t place it. But there was definitely something about him that stirred some memory buried deep in your brain. You just weren’t sure what it was.

He returned a few minutes later, bringing your coffee into the room and placing it on the table in front of you.

“Hopefully you won’t be stuck here too much longer. It’s just standard procedure.” he spoke sweetly, his voice stirring the hidden memory.

“Yeah I know. I get it.” you sighed as you spoke, wrapping your hands around the coffee. “Thank you for this.”

“You’re welcome.” he smiled before he started backing out of the room. You wished you could ask him to stay because you felt so much more at ease with him around. But you knew you couldn’t.

He turned to you in the doorway.

“You look cold in that.” He smiled a little sadly at you.

You’d forgotten about your outfit choice. No self respecting CIA agent dressed like you were right now.

“I guess I am a little.” You shrugged.

Spencer instantly shrugged his blazer off of his shoulders and laid it in front of you on the table.

“Thank you Doctor Reid.” you spoke again before he disappeared out the door.

“Goodbye Agent Y/L/N.”

The door closed, his voice reverberating in your ears, dragging you into a long forgotten memory.

As you slipped his jacket on, your eyes fluttered closed, his scent wafting up your nose.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Spencer. Spencer Reid.”

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

Your eyes shot back open, a frown on your face.

“Spencer?” you muttered under your breath. “Spencer Reid.”

Where had you pulled that name from? And why did it feel oddly connected to Vegas?

You tried to push the thought away, you already had enough on your mind. There were much more pressing things to deal with than a vague memory from your hometown an undetermined amount of time ago.

***

You’d been instructed to switch off. Your time off should be used to recoup, relax and not to think about the case.

Easier said than done you thought.

Before you’d left the office on your mandated leave you’d taken photocopies of some files and slipped them into your bag. You knew you’d be in trouble if you were caught but you couldn’t help yourself. You wouldn’t be able to relax with this case still open.

As far as you were aware the BAU was still working on it but it provided you little comfort. In your time with the CIA you’d never gotten to be involved so heavily in a case. Your skills were mostly utilised in interview capacities and then you were sidelined.

You’d never had the privilege to work on a joint task force or investigate a crime so brutal.

You felt personally invested in this case. You thought if you could just find that one missing puzzle piece you could crack this case wide open.

And then you’d found it. The golden ticket. The smoking gun. The missing piece.

It had taken five days of your leave and copious amounts of coffee but you’d connected the dots no one else had.

You knew how to draw the unsub out. And you were going to do it tonight.

***

“Let’s start again from the beginning shall we?” Agent Rossi linked his fingers together on top of the table as he looked across at you, still slowly sipping your coffee.

“Oh goody.” You sighed. “Could Agent Jareau not fill you in what I’ve already told her?”

“Humour me.” The old man shrugged.

You didn’t have any ill will against him. Far from it. You were actually a big fan of David Rossi. But you were sick and tired of being treated like a criminal.

“Tell me how you managed to work out how to find him.”

You took another long sip of the coffee.

“All the pieces were there, they just hadn’t been put into place.”

“And how did you piece them together?”

“There was a pattern to where the women had been last seen. It was a guess more than anything. A lucky guess.”

“And the pattern was?”

You sighed in frustration.

“As I told agent Jareau,” you sipped your coffee. “The bars they were last seen in all had ties to Mexico. I’m not a native to DC but I know the area like the back of my hand. They were all either Mexican owned, had a Mexican name or were previously establishments such as Mexican restaurants. I made an educated guess that he frequented places such as these looking for his targets. I just got lucky I picked the right one.”

***

You felt incredibly exposed, but you supposed that was the point.

If you were going to get this guy's attention, you had to do this right.

It was a long shot. Just because Western’s bar was known for its famous tacos did not mean it would be the place he chose to pick up girls.

You just had to hope.

You wore a skimpy skirt that barely covered your ass, knee high boots and a crop top that accentuated your assets.

Your firearm was hidden in your left boot.

Your outfit garnered a lot of looks as you headed through Westerns towards the bar.

You felt men’s eyes on you from every angle, making you feel extremely self conscious. But you needed to keep your cool, exude confidence.

If your guy was here he needed to see you shine.

You ordered a soda to keep your head clear and sat at a table over the far side of the bar. From there you had a good view of the entrance and most of the room. And more importantly, the room had a view of you.

Three hours you sat there nursing your soda. It was a huge stab in the dark, you weren’t really surprised.

You finished your drink and headed out onto the cool DC street.

You made it five steps before you felt a presence behind you.

Just as you were about to turn, something covered your mouth.

You struggled against a pair of strong arms.

A smell wafted up your nose seconds before you lost consciousness.

Chloroform.

***

“Why didn’t you tell your unit chief before you went in?”

“Because I thought it was a long shot.” And because she would have been furious I was working the case.

“So you chose to use yourself as bait?”

“Yes.” You shrugged nonchalantly.

“Do you know how dangerous that could have been?” Rossi raised an eyebrow at you.

You had to refrain from rolling your eyes.

“Yes agent Rossi, I’m well aware. But I had a lead and I wasn’t going to ignore it.” You pulled Doctor Reid’s jacket tighter around your scantily clad body.

You caught his scent again. Coffee. Old books. A hint of peppermint.

Another long shut off memory wormed it’s way to the surface.

“So are you here visiting someone?”

“Yeah.” You smiled sadly. “My mom.”

“Oh.” He returned your sad smile. “Me too.”

“Agent Y/L/N?”

You were brought back by Rossi’s concerned voice.

“Hmm?”

“I said, what happened next? You were chloroformed and then what?”

You shook your head, your mind clouded.

“Can we take a break? I could really use some air.”

Rossi sighed with a small nod.

He stood from his chair and motioned you to follow him.

You got some odd looks from his fellow agents as he led you to the elevators. They all recognised what you were wearing as Spencer’s jacket.

You followed Rossi into the elevator and he pressed the button for the ground floor.

“Agent Rossi, can I ask you a strange question?” You asked as the doors closed.

He gave you a curious look.

“I suppose.”

“Doctor Reid. As in Spencer Reid?”

“The one and only.” Rossi frowned unsure what you were getting at.

“Where is he from?”

Rossi’s frown deepened, not sure he should tell you such things about his team. But you were an agent and you didn’t pose a threat to the team.

“Vegas I believe.”

Vegas. Of course.

“Ok.”

“Why do you want to know?”

“I don’t know.” You chewed your lip. “I think I might have known him.”

“Oh?”

You wished you hadn’t opened your mouth. This was not the time or place.

“I’m probably wrong. Just forget I said anything.”

The elevator came to a stop and the doors opened. As you stepped out you pulled Spencer’s collar to your nose and sniffed it.

No you weren’t wrong.

***

Las Vegas, Nevada - 1999

“Hi again.” You smiled at the lanky man, Spencer you’d met a few days ago. “How’s your mom?”

“Still angry at me.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and stubbed the toe of his shoe on the floor.

“She came in recently?”

“Yeah a few months ago. I turned eighteen and I was able to have her put into care.” He blanched, clearly feeling guilty for his decision.

“Do you want to grab a coffee?”

“Uhm sure.” He shrugged.

He followed you through to the day room. It was late and there were only a few patients inside and a few nurses milling around.

You got two cups of coffee from the machine and the two of you sat at a table together.

“Do you mind me asking what’s wrong with your mom?” You dared as you slid him the drink.

He sighed heavily, gnawing on his bottom lip as though his life depended on it.

“She’s a paranoid schizophrenic.” He spoke clinically, words he’d had to say too many times in his life. It was as though he’d distanced himself from it. Like he was giving a patient a diagnosis rather than talking about his own mother.

“Mine too.” You gave him a wry smile. You had something in common, just not something you would like to have in common.

“How long has your mom been here?”

“Three years. She got really bad and my dad couldn’t take care of her anymore. She’s been doing much better since she moved in here.”

“That’s good.” Spencer nodded. “I hope my mom realises I did this for her. For her well being. At the moment she’s just so...angry.”

You reached across the table and placed your hand on top of his. He seemed a little startled by the physical touch but you didn’t move your hand.

“This is the best place for her. I assume from what you said earlier your dad isn’t in the picture?”

He used his free hand to sip his coffee with a sad shake of his head.

“He left when I was ten. He couldn’t handle mom's illness.”

You gave his hand a small squeeze.

“I can’t imagine what it was like for you to have to look after her by yourself. It was hard enough with my dad there. Really makes you grow up fast.”

“It really does.” He agreed. “I’m not sure I ever got to be a kid.”

“I know that feeling.”

After that you spent hours chatting about anything and everything until way into the night. It wasn’t until a nurse came and asked you politely to leave that you realised how late it was.

“I’ll probably see you around?” You spoke as you stepped outside together.

“Maybe. In a few weeks I’m heading out of state. I’m working on a PhD.” He didn’t want to tell you it was actually his second PhD.

“Oh. Ok.” You tried to hide the disappointment from your voice.

Despite the circumstances you’d enjoyed talking to someone like minded, someone who understood. You didn’t have anyone else your own age you could talk to about this kind of thing.

“Maybe we could exchange numbers?” You blushed a little.

“I don’t have a cellphone.” He shrugged.

“Oh.”

“It’s not an excuse.” He sensed you didn’t believe him. “I’m not so into technology. I don’t even have email.”

Normally you would have thought it was just a bad excuse to get out of seeing you again but the look on Spencer’s face told you he was being genuine.

“Ok.” You gave him a shy smile. “Well maybe I’ll see you again before you leave.”

“I hope so.” His eyes sparkled as he looked at you on the dark street.

There was an air between you, some kind of thick tension but you didn’t know what it meant.

“If I don’t see you again,” you spoke trying to ignore whatever it was. “It was really good to meet you and I hope your mom gets used to the facility.”

“You too.” He smiled so genuinely at you, it made your heart skip a beat.

And then you went your separate ways.

***

“Ok, so what happened next?” Rossi wasted no time once you were back in the interrogation room.

“Well I blacked out after I was chloroformed so excuse me if I don’t remember.” You gave him a sarcastic smile.

“What’s the next thing you do remember?” He reworded his question.

“I woke up in a large basement. It was gritty and dingy. And there were other women there too.”

“How many?”

“At least twenty.” You sighed letting your mind travel back to the basement you never wanted to go back to. Not even in your mind.

***

You woke with a start, your head pounding. You gasped for air as though you’d been drowning.

You blinked your eyes trying to adjust to the dark room you found yourself in.

It was cold and damp and you could hear a pipe dripping in the distance.

You tried to roll over but your arm wouldn’t budge. You were met by a loud clanking sound when you tried.

You tugged your arm, hearing the same sound and being met with a sharp pain in your wrist.

“Good luck.” A woman’s voice scoffed. “They don’t come loose.”

You blinked a few more times, looking over to your left arm. There was a heavy metal cuff right around your wrist that was attached to a metal bed frame.

That’s when you realised you were laying on a small cot on top of a ratty, itchy blanket. You were still dressed, thank god.

You suddenly remembered your firearm concealed in your boot. You patted your left calf and sure enough you felt the hard weapon still inside.

That was something at least.

Oversight on their part.

You remembered the voice you’d heard before and turned as much as you could with your arm cuffed to take in the rest of the room.

There were at least forty other cots close together lining the walls, with at least half of them containing the body of other women.

The voice you’d heard belonged to a woman in the cot next to you. She gave you a smile but it didn’t reach her eyes.

Her eyes were broken.

“Hi,” you croaked. “I’m Y/N.”

“Delilah.” Her accent was Spanish. You were sure Delilah wasn’t her real name either.

“How long have you been here?”

She sighed, playing with a strand of curly black hair.

“What month is it?”

“September.”

“Oh.” She frowned. “Not that long then. I’ve been here since July.” She looked confused as though that couldn’t be long enough.

“Delilah?” You narrowed your eyes on her. “What year do you think it is?”

“2018…” she saw your face drop and knew instantly it was no longer 2018.

“Oh gosh.” You felt for her, tears welling in your eyes. “It’s 2020.”

“Oh.” Her face fell. “Wow.”

“It’s ok.” You lowered your voice. “I’m CIA. I’m going to get us out of here. I promise I’ll keep you safe.”

***

“Delilah.” Rossi opened the file in front of him. “Was that Roberta Suez?”

He pulled out a photograph and slid it across the table. You averted your gaze.

“Yes and please I don’t need to see it, I was there.”

“How did she end up in hospital fighting for her life?”

“You know how.” You huffed. “Look I’m starting to get fed up with this now.” You folded your arms. “Carlos Ramirez was a sick son of a bitch. If I hadn’t done what I did he would have killed all those women. I don’t regret what I did.”

“How did she end up in hospital?” He repeated.

“Good lord.” You grumbled. “I’ll talk but I don’t want to talk to you.”

Rossi narrowed his eyes on you.

“No? But I’m so compassionate.” He spoke sarcastically.

“I won’t say another word unless it’s to Reid.” You looked up to the two way mirror. You didn’t know why but you had a feeling he was there.

Sure enough it was barely twenty seconds before the door opened and Doctor Reid himself stepped in the room.

“I got this Rossi.” Spencer told the older man who stood up with a shrug.

Rossi left the room while Spencer took the seat he’d been occupying.

Did he remember you? It had been close to twenty years since you’d last seen each other. Had it not been for the olfactory memory that struck you when you put on his jacket you might never have remembered him.

But you knew the rest of his team was behind the two way glass, or at least some of them were so it didn’t seem an appropriate time to ask such things.

“So agent Y/L/N,” he smiled softly at you. “Can you please tell me how Delilah ended up in hospital?”

“You already know the answer to that Doctor but since you asked so nicely,” you leant your elbows on the table, entwined your fingers and rested your chin the little bridge you’d created. “She had a drug overdose. But you and I both know it wasn’t her who administered the drugs.”

“And who did?”

“I did.”

Your words hung in the air between you and Spencer. He knew the answer, the whole team did. You’d already told Agent Jareau everything.

This was a huge waste of time.

“I administered the drugs because he told me if I didn’t he would kill me. I needed to stay alive so I could save those women.”

“Who said he would kill you?”

“I don’t know his name.”

“It wasn’t Ramirez?”

“No.” You shook your head. “If it was Ramirez I would have shot him. But it must have been one of his right hand men.”

“How would you know that? You’d never met Ramirez correct?” Spencer had a soft tone to his voice which made his line of questioning easier than Agent Jareau’s.

“I’m not a profiler but I’ve been to enough seminars over the years. He didn’t fit the bill. He was young, scatty, he didn’t strike as much fear into the other women as I thought the boss would. I made an educated guess and I was right. If I’d shot at him I would have blown my chance at getting Ramirez.”

***

“Shit shit shit!” You pulled yourself as close to Delilah’s cot as possible with your restraint. “Delilah, keep breathing, try to breath. Fuck I am sorry.”

Tears rolled down your cheeks, the empty needle you’d been made to inject in her vein between your cots on the floor.

He’d held a gun to your head and said he would shoot you if you didn’t do it. You didn’t think he was bluffing.

“It happens a lot.” A woman opposite spoke up. “You’ll soon find out. If she wakes up she’ll have the pleasure of returning the favour.” She gave you an almost manic grin.

If she wakes up. It was the if you were having the issue with.

“Who’s in charge around here?”

She shrugged.

“Don’t know his name. Big guy. Tattoos. Mustache. You can’t miss him.”

“Does he come down here often?”

Again she shrugged.

“Being down here you have a way of losing track of time.” She clicked her tongue. “But he’ll be here for you later. He has to test his new girls.”

Your blood ran cold.

“Test?” You swallowed, pretty sure you knew what she meant.

“He can’t very well expect you to make him money if he doesn’t know how good you are.”

Oh god.

Your heartbeat raced. No, it was not going to come to that. You were a CIA agent and you were armed.

It was not going to come to that.

***

Spencer’s face paled a little at your words. You hadn’t told Agent Jareau that part.

“He was going to...he didn’t…”

“No.” You cut him off, pushing the memory back down. “I had a gun, remember.”

You offered him a wry smile.

“So you know what comes next.”

“I’d like you to tell me.”

The way he said it was more like he was a therapist than an FBI agent. As though he wanted you to tell him so you could get it off your chest, unburden yourself, rather than for interrogation purposes.

“Ok.” You nodded. “He came for me later that night. And that’s when it happened.”

***

“Ahh look at you.”

A deep, Spanish voice woke you.

Your eyes fluttered open and landed on a strong, tattooed man with a mustache standing over your cot.

This must be him.

“Tan hermosa.”

So beautiful.

You tried not to shudder.

You sat up wiggling your legs in your boots to make sure you could still feel your firearm. You could.

“Su nombre es Rosa.”

Your name is Rosa.

Guess again.

“Su nombre es Y/N.”

“Tú hablas español?”

You speak Spanish?

“Si.”

“Eres perfecta.” He grinned menacingly. “My clients will love you.”

He reached in his pocket and fished out a key chain. He reached over you and unlocked your cuff.

You rolled your wrist to try and get your blood circulating again.

“On your feet.”

You complied and stood up. Your legs were shaky.

He grasped your wrist, hard enough so you couldn’t wriggle free but not hard enough to leave a mark. He started dragging you across the room.

With his free hand he undid the four locks on the large steel door and pulled your through it. Once on the other side he took care to lock them all again, keeping a firm grasp on you the whole time.

You were dragged down a long, narrow corridor towards another steel door, this one with just one lock on.

He slid the key in and opened it, pulled you inside and locked it behind him.

The room was much smaller than the one you’d been held in and only housed a single cot.

He licked his lip as he looked at you. His large, thick fingers stroked your cheek and you had to try and hide your disgust.

“En la cama. Ahora.”

On the bed. Now.

You had to pick the opportune moment. You had to plan this just right. You had no doubt he had a gun on him so if you faltered even slightly, he would kill you.

“Qué tal esto.”

How about this.

You made a show of licking your lips and then dropping to your knees in front of him.

“Whoa, feisty. I like it.” He grinned, his meaty hands going to his belt buckle.

Yes. Right where you wanted him.

While he was fumbling with his belt, you reached your hand back into your left boot, drawing your gun in one swift move.

You head butted him in the crotch, sending him stumbling backwards, crying out in pain.

“Mierda!” Shit. “Usted puta!”

You whore!

You were on your feet in a second, your gun trained on him.

“You will never hurt another woman again.” You spat, furious tears suddenly streaming from your eyes.

He looked up at you, his mouth opened to speak.

But the words didn’t come out as your bullet hit him between the eyes.

“Who’s the puta now?”

***

“I would say,” Spencer chewed his lip. “You did what you had to do to survive.”

You breathed a sigh of relief.

Thank god.

“Thank you.” You smiled softly. “And I did. If I hadn’t shot him, who knows how many other women would have died.”

Spencer pushed his chair back and stood up.

“Just so you know, we got word from the hospital a little while ago. Roberta Suez, Delilah, is going to be just fine.”

“Oh thank god.” You felt tears brimming your eyes.

He opened the door and turned back to you.

“Are you coming?”

“I can leave?”

“You were never under arrest.” He smirked at you.

You couldn’t help but laugh.

You got up from the chair and Spencer motioned you out of the room.

“I’ll walk you out.” He showed you across the bullpen towards the elevators. There was an awkward air between the two of you.

Did you say anything? It didn’t seem as though he remembered you, was it worth reminding him?

He motioned you into the elevator first and he followed, pressing the button.

The elevator started its descent.

Time was running out.

“So uhm…” Spencer turned to you and turned too. “How’s your mom?”

A smile broke out on your features.

“I didn’t think you remembered me.”

“Are you kidding?” He laughed. “I recognised you the second you walked in.”

“It’s been twenty years.” You laughed.

“Eighteen years, seven months.” He corrected you. “But I could never forget your face.”

You blushed a little, averting your gaze.

“My moms doing ok. Thanks for asking. How’s your mom?” You looked back at him.

“Recently diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.” He told you sadly.

“Oh gosh I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok. These things happen.” He shrugged. “Made it to thirty without having a schizophrenic break but now I have to wait until I’m older to find out if I’ll develop Alzheimer’s.”

The doors to the elevator opened and you stepped out, Spencer close behind.

“I really am sorry Spencer.”

“It’s ok.” He shrugged. “Is your mom still at Bennington? I used to see her when I went to visit my mom but I moved her out a little while ago.”

“Yeah she’s still there. She likes being close to my dad.”

You both hovered by the exit, not ready to say goodbye.

“Can I take you for coffee? If you don’t have anywhere else to be.” Spencer blushed as he spoke.

“I’d like that. A lot actually. But I’d really like to shower and change out of this getup.” You laughed. “How about dinner?”

“Dinner sounds perfect.” He grinned at you.

You gave him a smile and turned to leave but before you made it to the door Spencer spoke again.

“Y/N,” he called your name, his voice cracking a little. “You uh...you forgot something.”

You turned to face him curiously.

He walked closer to you and without a second thought, placed his hands on your face and kissed you.

For a second you stood frozen, in shock of what was going on.

But after a few moments you wrapped your arms around his neck and opened your mouth to deepen the kiss.

When the kiss ended you were both smiling at one another.

“What was that for?” You asked softly.

“Oh you know…” he shrugged with a coy smile. “Just something that needed to be done.”

“I’ll meet you back here in a few hours.” You told him, touching his chest briefly.

“Ok.”

“Bye Spencer Reid.”

“Bye Y/N Y/L/N.” He croaked.

And with that you sauntered out the doors but not out of his life.

***

Las Vegas, Nevada - 1999

“Spencer?” You’d only made it a few paces away from Bennington before you stopped in your tracks, calling his name. “You uh...you forgot something.”

He turned to face you curiously.

You walked closer to him and without a second thought, placed your hands on his face and kissed him.

He stood frozen, in shock of what was going on.

It was just a brief kiss, Spencer was too confused to do anything but stand there dumbly.

“Wh-what was that for?” He swallowed.

“Just something that needed to be done.” You smiled. “Bye Spencer Reid.”

“Bye Y/N Y/L/N.”

And with that you sauntered back down the street, hoping that one day, the universe would lead you back into each other’s lives.

—————————————————————

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