#it’s a later one
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Anyway no one can or should expect me to take these things seriously when shit keeps getting translated like this
#buile suibhne#the stories#it’s a later one#but we just so happen to be starting here with the blog so there ya go#I don’t want this blog to become documentation of innuendos and hilarious phrasings but we all know that’s where we’re headed
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laurie 😔
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Mattresses, unbeknownst to many, are a lot like cars. Every year new ones roll out, they’re always tweaking and innovating and you’ll never find the same one you loved decades ago when buying a new one.
Where I sold mattresses had a three month return or exchange program for this reason. New beds take a while to break in, and they’re a big expense. Your body is used to the old one. So we made sure people were loving it. If a bed got returned we’d take it back, sanitize and clean it, then sell it again on clearance.
To sell these we always had to disclose what clearance meant to customers, and they had to sign that they knew what they were getting. (FYI, not every company is as… forthright about the used bed situation)
In clearance we had beds that were floor models, we had returns, and more rarely we had old models whose line had been discontinued. These clearance beds were always final sale, so a bed could only be sold twice.
Now, the manager at the store I was working at had realized a vital fact. Clearance beds in the warehouse didn’t sell, especially old models that salespeople weren’t familiar with. And even more especially in odd sizes, like twin extra longs. So he set up a split king on the showroom floor to exhibit clearance beds, pulling all those forgotten twin extra longs out onto the showroom.
Almost all of these were brand new discontinued models. Beds I’d never learned in training were exhumed to be displayed. The manufacturers had moved on to new lines and they’d been left behind. Why would he take such in interest in selling old stock, you might wonder? Because we made double commission on the sales margin of clearance beds, and if we’d had a bed long enough they dropped the cost in the system so it was a fucking cash cow to sell these. Even with huge discounts the commissions were wonderful so it was a win win.
When I got started I was jazzed about this program, I was so on board to sell weird old brand new beds and make a ton of money. I had a wonderful older couple come in, looking for a split king adjustable set. This was a white whale sale.
The current clearance models on the floor were a latex mattress that was brand new despite being of an age to start first grade, and a tempurpedic floor model. The couple laid down and it was like magic. They each loved the bed they’d laid down on. They wanted to buy the whole shebang.
I. Was. Thrilled. I told them about the clearance program and what that meant, and they weren’t bothered in the least. I wrote up the sale then dashed into the back, fizzing with excitement to tell my manager what I’d done.
“You sold the death bed?!” He asked in delight.
I pulled up short, my smile freezing in place. “What…?”
“Didn’t you check the notes?”
I hesitated for a long beat then slowly shook my head. You see, dear reader, all beds had a personal history. Every clearance bed had logs written up by the person who took the return, as well as warehouse crew after sanitizing. It helped us know what to expect when selling them. “Wasn’t it just a floor model? You said it was a floor model…”
He slowly shook his head. I checked the notes.
It turned out, it had been sold as a floor model. The first time. But the company had made an exception and taken it back as a return two months later. Why? Because it’s owner had passed away.
I stared at the computer in horror and my manager shrugged. “They signed the clearance form. Technically it was a floor model.”
“We know for a fact that a man died in that bed!”
“What they don’t know can’t haunt them,” he said philosophically.
The man came back a week later for more sheets, utterly delighted to tell me how well they were sleeping. I clamped my teeth down around the secret of the deathbed, choosing to let them love their new bed without the stigma. Only one person would be haunted by that deathbed, and it was me.
#ramblies#ffs foibles#that sale was over ten thousand dollars#and I made a thousand dollars in that one sale#I cried about it later because I couldn’t even conceive of making that much money#story#writing#funny
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when i got my medical certificate i very confidently answered the question "what do you do if a person becomes unconscious?" with "remove from the room immediately" only to be met with puzzled silence by the instructor and that's when i learned that the deeply ingrained nautical fear and grim reality of seamen and their rescuers asphyxiating in enclosed spaces due to build up of toxic gas or especially lack of oxygen does not translate to land.
#death cw#asphyxiation cw#just one of many ways my expectations for daily life have been skewed by entering solid ground later in life i guess
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whatever. 15k note post of me being crucified
[source 1] [source 2] [source 3] [source 4]. final art is a physical drawing hanging on my wall
#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍#hang on i have one more rb#1k#2k#3k#okay getting muted now. probably edited later <3#4k#5k#10k
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Compilation of flag confusions I’ve seen online
#the aromantic one is still my favorite#idk how well the sephora bag one fits but I’m adding it anyways#lot of Liberia ones...#flag memes#meme compilation#save for later#for me at least
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are we still doing this because i have a late submission
#🐉#this is less about fan content and more about that awful lazy one size fits all#'10 years later theyre happily married with a cute little nuclear family' trope#because ive read some genuinely incredible fics about characters who would Not fucking have kids#ending up with accidental pregnancy scares or child acquisitions that get treated with all the nuance#and thoughtful handling they deserve#but also. i reread one of my favourite fics yesterday and when one character jokingly brought up the idea of children#and the other reacted with genuine visceral disgust and said what hideously awful parents theyd be#i lit up like a fucking christmas tree
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[AU in which neither of them becomes a pro-hero part 2]
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Someone needs to say this to Deku but in the meantime I'll do it myself ♡♡
#bkdk#bakudeku#dkbk#mha#my hero academia#my hero academia au#my hero academia fanart#boku no hero academia#boku no hero fanart#bakudeku fanart#posting before the next chapter so if it happens I can say I predicted it#also i'm really proud of the anatomy and poses on this one#might color later
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(ref from here)
the cutest guy ever!!!!!
#tf one#transformers one#hmhuh is this spoilers.#tf one spoilers#transformers one spoilers#my art#jazz#THE WAY HE LOOKS OVER HIS SHOULDER ALL LIKE woah neat :D IM SO IMSO.GHHAH#kinda hard to tell colours from the lighting if his full design is shown clearer later on and im wrong here.oh well
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I love how people are like Jason Todd was a demon child and all the other robins were angels compared to him like lmao robin!Jason was a fucking delight what do you mean
Dick showed up at the manor with a blue stuffed animal elephant and the rage of 100 men and the only thing thats changed is that the elephant is grey now
Tim showed up with blackmail on the fucking Batman and bullied him into accepting him as robin
Damian popped up on the doorstep holding a fucking katanna
Meanwhile robin!jason was jumping from building to building squealing robin magic! and would spontaneously hug Batman. he loved reading shakepeare knowledge and literally screamed golly jee willickers as the highest curse word in his vocabulary.
Robin!Jason was a goddamned fucking delight and all the other ones were the little demon children lmaooo
#okay like i adore angry baby jason fics#and dick is kind of a delight later on when he cools off a lil#but for the most part jason is the lovely one#and the others are all dejim#batfam#robin#batman and robin#jason todd#dick grayson#damian wayne#tim drake#batfamily
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Satosugu redraw
#satosugu#gojo satoru#geto suguru#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#redraw a year later 😭#satosugu making out is the only thing i got better at drawing the entire year im so srs rn#also no one even try n talk to me ant the ending i simply d#ont care anymore 😭😭😭💔💔💔#im just gonna enjoy the tragic yaoi n ignore cannon rn
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pspspspsps poetry mutuals come here... new quiz... making you the patron saint of something...
#not its final form. but i'll edit it tomorrow lmao i want the mutuals to have access to it Now#rebloggable still!!! if this post spreads around that'd be really cute actually. people can see it now#nd i'll tell you all when i make it better later <3#time to remember all the little tags that i use for these. haven't done one of these since my other saint quiz fucking Forever ago#uquiz#quiz#quizzes#uquiz link#uquiz quiz#uquizzes#my uquizzes#quiz link#my quizzes
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daydreaming..!
Also:
#marcille invents romance scenarios. falin as a knight. falin as a princess. u understand#dungeon meshi#farcille#marcille donato#falin touden#farlyn touden#clay does art#no id#i may attempt later but if anyone else adds one I will also put it into alt text#dunmeshi#delicious in dungeon
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one thing that will always be funny to me about batfam is that jason is forever convinced that dick is bruce's favorite child while all of his siblings know for sure that bruce's favorite child is actually jason
some random reporter: who's your favorite child?
bruce: how DARE YOU imply that i play favorites, i love ALL of my children equally
dick, without missing a bit: oh he absolutely plays favorites, it was jason
tim: rest in peace
#dc#dc comics#batfamily#bruce wayne#tim drake#jason todd#dick grayson#bruce: i love all my children equally#also bruce five minutes later: idc about dick#this is a joke btw#although. i Do think that bruce is one of those parents who clearly love certain kids more
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Playing Cards of the Dungeon
One of my pieces in @hermitseasonzine in the Decked Out 2 section!! With some lil composition input from @doodlingdilemma :D (Man I miss decked out 2)
#tangotek#pearlescentmoon#ethoslab#cubfan135#goodtimeswithscar#decked out 2#hermitcraft#hermitcraft season 9#hermitblr#my art#insanely proud of this one tbh it was SO FUN TO DOOO#maybe i will share progress shots later! :D
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and they were roommates
#danny phantom#danny fenton#sam manson#tucker foley#jack fenton#college au#i designed the house so here are some of my thoughts about it hahaha#the mansons bought the house really flippantly because it made financial sense not to rent for the next four years#and also they can probs make money renting it out after the trio graduates#they were not expecting how involved the foleys and the fentons would get lmao#the trio lives together really well#but sam hates how the boys take care of the bathroom on their floor#she forces them to clean it before people come over#danny is way more open about his powers in this house#he could have gotten away with that last one if he remembered that he can be invisible#but the boy is sleep deprived so who can blame him#sam colored her hair pink senior year of high school but light colors are too hard to maintain so she swapped to dark purple later
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