#it’s a happy moment initially but it sets the stage for something horrible to happen years later

[mistymonster]

Thinking about how he changed his name from Lucy to Link because his grandmother told him that’s what his parents would have named him as a boy. And how that put him in the line of fire because he just /happened/ to be named Link and just /happened/ to be wearing the green clothes for his birthday. Which are two reasons KoRL was so fixated on making him specifically the hero (while Link’s courage had to do with it too, the whole image and name undoubtedly helped).

It’s like that domino effect meme where the tiny domino is “Link changes his name :)” and the giant one is “The gods drown Hyrule a second time and Link kills a man”

[ciaossu-imagines]

For the friends with benefits prompt from the event, I used number 17 for some of the boys from The Covenant! I had fun thinking this one out and hope you lovelies will enjoy the headcanons 😊

17) Our muses aren’t romantically involved but wind up having sex out of convenience

CALEB

Caleb is actually the least likely, out of all the Sons, to fall into a friends with benefits situation. He knows he’s good-looking, he’s used to being the subject of really shallow crushes. It’s been happening since he was around eleven, honestly, people crushing on him because of his looks, his wealth, his reputation. He knows that if all he wanted was casual sex and shallow relationships, they’ve always been at his disposal.

At one point, he was happy with it being at his disposal. He really was. At one point, Caleb was kind of a dick. He was a pre-teen Lothario, making out with whoever caught his fancy, moving on just as quick and leaving behind broken hearts.

He found out quickly though that it was a lot less fun than he figured it would be. He was also going through a lot around that time, especially with his father, and that period of being a complete dick was thankfully short-lived.

That’s not to say that Caleb can’t be turned by a pretty head. It’s not to say that he won’t casually date. But it’s just that – he casually dates. He has relationships, even if he doesn’t mean for them to be serious, long-term relationships and more just fun, for-now romances. (He likes romance but he has some pretty solid standards for long-term dating partners, what can I say).

It’s really rare for him to be okay with doing the whole friends with benefits thing. He’d have to be kind of in a rough spot, mentally and emotionally, again for him to be falling back into that.

If he is, he expects a friends with benefits to really be a distraction. He wants nothing but sex, fun, silly conversations, and nothing at all serious or heavy. He almost doesn’t want to see the other person as a full person, with their own emotions and things they’re going through, in a way. He just wants fun – if heavy things come up or the person starts to show they’re not just a ‘good-time gal’ type of deal, Caleb would bail.

He’d honestly, deep down in his stomach, feel horrible about the way he was treating them even while he was doing it and he’d regret being so awful to them once he was emotionally and mentally back into a better position and he’d probably apologize if he ever saw them again.

While he might have moments and situations where he can be a dick, overall, Caleb does like to try to be a good man.

POGUE

Though we first get introduced to a Pogue that is in a serious relationship, I don’t think that is, or has always been, the case. It’s not that he’s not happy being in a relationship. While it wasn’t something he purposefully set out to get into (him and Kate started as something casual that just developed into more), Pogue is someone who enjoys the safety, security, and connection of a full relationship.

However, as I said, it wasn’t something he was looking for. Pogue had a long stretch of time where he really wasn’t looking for anything serious as far as relationships went. He enjoyed playing the field and did so from the time he started getting interested in dating. There’s a thrill, an excitement, to the beginning of things, that rush of endorphins and happiness in the early stages of getting to know someone, of first making out with them, of the initial hookups. And to a thrill-seeker like Pogue, that feeling was a little addictive.

Because of that, he was someone who really played the field. He had a reputation as a bad boy already, but he also gained a reputation as both a ‘ladies man’ to use an antiquated term, and a heartbreaker. That reputation actually added an additional layer of attractiveness to him for quite a few people, who were convinced that they could ‘fix’ him, reform his playboy ways.

During that stage of his life, Pogue really had no qualms about friends with benefits relationships. He wasn’t prone to developing feelings for his friends with benefits and could be a little callous about shutting down and icing out those fwb’s of his who developed feelings for him beyond just enjoying the sex and occasional companionship.

Pogue can definitely catch feelings in that situation, but it’s very rare. It’s a once in a blue moon type of deal.

However, because he really turns on the charm and brings a lot of excitement to those friends with benefits type relationships, his friends are prone to falling for him. He’s aware of this and he warns them ahead of time not to fall in love with him, lets them know he’s not looking for anything serious. He does at least try to communicate clearly what he’s after. He’s not a total dick about it.

I do think that, after breakups happen in his life, as someone who doesn’t handle heavy emotions like that well, Pogue will turn to friends with benefits relationships, one-night-stands, and casual sex to try to make himself feel better. He’s a believer in the saying of ‘to get over an ex, get under someone else’. It doesn’t really help, not in the long term, but it makes him feel good in that moment, which is all that really matters to him.

REID

Reid likes to think he’s the type of guy who could not only have and maintain a friends with benefits relationship with someone but could have multiple relationships of that type going at any one time. He wants to give off that aura and vibe of being a playboy; he wants people to look at him and assume that people are clamoring to fuck him, that he has zero issues pulling in casual sex at any point.

That’s not quite the reality though. I think that, when it comes to Reid, there really is a disconnect, a severe one on occasion, between the persona he shows to the world around him and who he actually is inside, how he feels and thinks at any given moment. He’s someone who does try to keep that outside persona, who does want to be seen as ‘cool’ or ‘tough’ by other people and because of this, acts in ways that don’t always align with his own morals, thoughts, or emotions.

To tell the truth, Reid’s actually someone who would really want a relationship more than just a casual fuck. He sees other guys his age getting into these solid, seemingly really happy relationship and he gets jealous. He’s got a romantic soul and he would love a relationship and not just a sexual one. The idea of having someone to take out on dates, to create happy memories with, to be able to talk to and support each other through everything? That appeals to Reid just as much as the guaranteed sex does.

However, he just hasn’t gotten lucky that way. He hasn’t met that person who he connects with properly yet, though not for lack of flirting and trying. While he still wants that, he’s not against the idea of taking friends with benefits along the way until he meets that person. Part of it is definitely to keep up that outside persona, to seem like the big man on campus, but another, more internal part of him, does always hold a glimmer of hope that maybe the friends with benefits situation will lead somewhere deeper and more solid.

It is because he does go into those things  with that little spark of hope, combined with the fact that Reid has problems having no strings attached sex, without developing some emotions towards the other person, that Reid has a bad tendency of catching feelings for his friend with benefits. He falls head over heels, quicker and harder, every time they’re together and he starts to get a little more possessive over his friend with benefits.

In his mind, he is in a relationship with them when he starts developing those feelings and he doesn’t really stop to consider that his fuck buddy doesn’t necessarily share those same feelings. Things don’t typically turn out pleasantly for anyone involved in the end, to be honest. Both sides walk away a little battered emotionally.

[mittensmorgul]

Re: your recent post about the finale being a giant excuse for a cast party, I've been saying this to people for months. The more I hear about it, the more it sounds like it was an episode designed to say goodbye to the actual TV show SPN, rather than an episode designed around what makes narrative sense for the characters or in-universe plot/themes. The characters have no association with Kansas, only the crew and audience do. The Heaven scene apparently was an open invitation to all (1/2)

(2/3 now) previous crew members, whether it made sense for them to be in Heaven or not (Rachel Miner said she would be there, so I guess demons can be in Heaven now?). IDK if you ever saw Nashville but they pulled the same thing in the finale. Some of the characters were singing on stage and then were joined by all the previous characters who'd died - a huge WTF moment initially - before the audience realised that they'd smashed the 4th wall entirely and it was meant to be the actors themselves.

(3/3) Then the creator and crew got up onstage to say their thank yous before the cameras swung around to reveal the camera operators etc. It was VERY WEIRD, but then again, nobody had the emotional investment in Nashville as they do in SPN so everyone just shrugged and went with it. Given that we had the bridge scene in 15x20 though, I do now think that they were trying something similar, except they thought it through horribly. Anyway, it makes it MUCH easier to dismiss 15x20 entirely.

Hello there! And yeah, ever since (I think it was) Jensen first said that 15.19 would work like a “season finale” while 15.20 would function as a “series finale” I’ve been prepared to think of 15.20 as its own entity, you know? He was pretty emphatic about the concept, and it had me seriously wondering why for the better part of a year. In conjunction with the story he told (repeatedly) of how difficult it was for him to wrap his head around the finale. And then there was that shot on the bridge with the entire crew, and it was like... why?! I mean, I get they wanted to honor the crew in some way but that just felt ~weird and jarring~ after that whole episode’s weirdness.

And now we’ve had confirmation about some aspects of the original intended ending, with a massive party at the Roadhouse in Heaven, with characters we have to assume were ~not originally~ in heaven. Much as I love Rachel Miner, I seriously doubt Meg would’ve been in Heaven-- unless it was the human she had originally possessed and not The Demon Known As Meg. And Ketch? I guess murdering Eileen that one time wasn’t a big enough strike against him to have earned Heaven redemption after his help in s15? But then if Eileen was also there? AWKWARD.... like... the random assortment of faces would’ve ranged from narratively meaningless to outright insulting, you know?

And it kind of goes with the theory I’d adopted shortly after the finale aired, that that particular finale only made sense in the Mockumentary!verse. Because the rest of the episode required to get us to that Heaven Roadhouse Party Concert Ending just... didn’t make sense with the show *we* have been watching for years. But maybe one universe over where the characters in the Mockumentary were actually real, maybe this ending made sense for their show. The contrivance of Dean with a dog fit pretty well with Mockumentary!Jensen walking around set with a dog, and Sam with a wig was spot on with Mockumentary!Jared and his wig on fire like... in the most hilariously awful way, some of the narrative choices fit those characters.

And honestly, my heart hurts for people who haven’t been able to let go of 15.20 as a part of canon, for folks who have been too hurt by it to engage with something that brought them happiness and validation for years. I’m not suggesting that this is The Full Truth here, but that seeing this episode this way might help let it go if it’s only causing them pain. There’s perfectly valid and legitimate arguments to be made that 15.20 isn’t actually a part of canon, so if seeing it this way or accepting this headcanon helps anyone in any way to let go and be able to engage with the rest of canon and fandom again, then it’s worth making this suggestion.

Again, not saying this is in any way a factual statement of how this episode was conceived and came to be, but hooooboy, it sure would explain a lot if it was...

I just don’t want people taking this theory and presenting it as What Actually Happened in any official capacity, because for all we know this is entirely off base with reality. But heck... apply it liberally for personal salvation if it helps, you know?

[condorclaw]

The different ways the DSMP characters reacted to Tommy’s return and what they dealt with in his absence

I've been thinking about today's stream (shock of the fucking century), and mmm let's just take a moment to highlight how interesting the reunions are between Tommy and the others (Sam, Jack, Tubbo, etc.) by looking at their reactions and how they felt when they heard about Tommy's death. (Note: I have not watched Ranboo or Jack's streams that take place after this one. This is only detailing the information that occurred in Tommy's stream.)

Tommy’s death impacted a lot of people, with them going through many different stages of grief and coming to a realization of their own in terms of how they viewed Tommy or the server in general. His death was sudden and gruesome, with Sam being the only one to witness the evidence, ending up leaving quite a few skeptical if he really did die.

Tommy was resurrected by Dream, and now has to deal with the reality that life was moving on, which he wanted to follow. He wanted to go back to the way how everybody treated him, but him returning is essentially a zombie to everybody else. There were many different reactions to this.

SAM

"H-How are you here...?"

Reaction: Upon hearing Tommy was still alive, Sam was frantic in getting him out, and after Tommy left the cell, Sam remained in shock, even as Tommy yelled at him. Despite not understanding what happened, Sam was willing to try and make Tommy as comfortable as possible, even putting away his sword upon Tommy's request. He remained soft-spoken throughout the process of getting Tommy out, allowing Tommy to yell and vent his heart out, even if the words were reminding Sam of his failure.

Before Tommy was found alive: Sam was the one probably most affected by Tommy's death. He was in an awful state of depression, causing his words to be softer and his actions were less calculated. Sam deeply blamed himself for Tommy's death, telling Ranboo about the extent it affected him, even implying that he would kill the one who set off the TNT, since it's what caused him to take precautions in the first place. San revealed he was tormented by Dream to both Ranboo and Foolish, with Dream laughing at Sam upon him finding Tommy's body, and demanding Sam to come into the cell so he could kill him too. Sam blamed himself for Hannah's corruption, thinking of himself as a coward for not going into the egg room due to his trauma.

TUBBO

"You're not real."

Reaction: Tubbo didn't see Tommy approach at first, since he was busy with his hotel. When Tommy startled him however, Tubbo backed away as fast as his could, breathing heavily as he tried to get his words out. Tubbo asked Tommy to pinch him to prove he was real, which Tommy did. As Tommy talks to Tubbo about what happened and how he's feeling, Tubbo tries to retain as much information as he can through the shock that Tommy was alive after another fatal incident. When Tommy asks if Tubbo can leave him alone as he processes things, Tubbo agrees to do so, but tries to secretly follow Tommy around, needing to make sure he's real.

Before Tommy was found alive: Tubbo had originally been in denial upon hearing Tommy was dead, being rather familiar with Tommy's previous assumed death. He continued to work on his hotel with Ranboo, his new husband that he got engaged to when Tommy was in prison, even adopting a son, Michael, with Ranboo. Aside from working on the hotel and spending time with Ranboo, Tubbo made it his mission to discover who planted the TNT, his denial beginning to fade as he accepted the loss of Tommy. He began to look for every possible solution, even going as far as to suspect things that are entirely unrelated to the cause. He built a memorial for Tommy outside Snowchester, building a bench, placing a jukebox, and making a prime log in his memory.

JACK

"Bigger elephant in the room, why are you alive!?"

Reaction: Jack had been working at his own hotel when Tommy came to see him. The shock from Jack was immediate, insisting that Tommy was still dead, and stating that he grieved for Tommy, so he can't be gone. He becomes so caught up in his rage, he reveals to Tommy that he had been trying to kill Tommy for months. Jack states that he went to hell, but becomes furious when Tommy fails to acknowledge it, and just brushes it off. He insists that he did everything better than Tommy ever could, and declares that he deserves to die.

Before Tommy was found alive: Jack was initially happy upon Tommy's death, declaring that he had won the fight against him. As time stretched on though, Jack began to lament over his and Tommy's shared history, realizing that Tommy was his closest friend on the sever, and that he had been angry due to believing that Tommy valued the discs above everything else. He decided to let go of his anger, and wanted to start all over again. With this mindset, he burned down his old house, and was the one who told several of the server members about Tommy's death, including Quackity and Ant.

CONNOR

"I just got this house, like, two days ago."

Reaction: When Tommy entered his house, Connor was scared, seeing Tommy as a ghost and hitting him, which triggered Tommy. Realizing that Tommy was alive, Connor asked if this meant he had to move back into Ninja's house, and showed Tommy his diary, with the third page sharing that he missed Tommy. Because Connor was the only one treating him like he always had, Tommy told Connor about how touch triggered him. He tells Connor about what happened, which allows Connor to express his feelings of wanting to improve the prison system. He patiently listens to Tommy talk, not asking Tommy about what happened after Tommy shares his discomfort in talking about it. Before the two separate, Connor says they can talk about the system when Tommy's feeling better.

Before Tommy was found alive (note: I haven't watched the stream yet, so I'll be describing past moments from their relationship): Connor has always had an interesting relationship with Tommy, the two being on rather neutral terms with some sort of understanding between them. Connor and Tommy had conflict at the beginning, but there was care shown between them. Even after Tommy and Technoblade kidnapped and traumatized him, Connor expressed that he didn't feel like Tommy was bad, just conflicted. He was one of the few adults who didn't believe that Tommy should be punished for things he couldn't control. Despite their bickering and occasional frustration towards each other, Connor does see Tommy as just a kid who got caught up in something, and Tommy does care about Connor as a friend.

RANBOO

"You're, uh... You're here! Wow! That's, uh, that's cool."

Reaction: Upon Ranboo and Tommy seeing each other, they both stared in silence at first, even when Tubbo went to slightly hide behind Ranboo. Ranboo tried to initiate casual conversation with Tommy while trying to process his return, asking Tommy how he's been. The conversation would occasionally get interrupted as Tubbo tried to make little advances towards Ranboo, making him amused. Ranboo tried to ask Tommy about how he was alive, and tells Tommy how he learned about his death through Sam. Tommy expressed his discomfort, frustratedly asking Ranboo if Tubbo was now his new best friend. Ranboo tried to give Tommy an allium flower, but Tommy immediately burned it out of frustration, stunning Ranboo a bit. Tommy leaves after saying he's uncomfortable, leaving Ranboo behind as Tubbo continues on to follow Tommy.

Before Tommy was found alive: Tommy's death affected Ranboo greatly, making him question the morality of everybody around him, leading him to lash out at Sam for allowing Tommy to go anywhere near Dream, and making Ranboo believe that people were only sad about Tommy because he was dead. Ranboo especially reflected on his first meeting with Tommy, thinking about how he threw away the allium flower Ranboo had given him. Later he realized that Tommy had never thrown it away, and understands that Tommy did actually care about him. Ranboo thinks of himself as responsible for Tommy's exile, and has to juggle with these thoughts alongside keeping his new alliance from discovering his secret husband and son. Ranboo became very protective of Tubbo and Michael, helping Tubbo deal with his grief and conveying that Michael was the only constant happiness he has in his life.

QUACKITY

"T-Tommy! Welcome back, Tommy!"

Reaction: When Tommy approached him, Quackity had stepped back, believing that it was somebody else in a Tommy costume, and calling them horrible for wearing it. After he sees Tubbo watching Tommy closely, reality starts to settle in, and after Tommy talks about a specific experience he had with Quackity, Quackity becomes overjoyed at his return, telling Tommy about his business plan and becomes excited that Tommy will be able to see it. Quackity also asks about the revival book, which Tommy uncomfortably tells him about, recounting memories from his death. He says goodbye to Quackity after that, but before he leaves, Quackity gives Tommy a fish, joking that he "found Nemo". Before he leaves, he says the two should catch up sometime, and dashes away happily, with his last words being: "what the fuck, that green son of a b-".

Before Tommy was found alive: Quackity hadn't been seen much around the server, his last big interaction being with Jack when he learned about Tommy's death. Upon hearing that he died, Quackity tried to hide his feelings, insisting that the business came first, despite how sorrowful he sounded. Before that, Quackity had been a very positive figure in Tommy's life, willing to defend him against Dream's unfair rules and harsh actions. He had visited Tommy in exile, even becoming worried for his mental health at specific points. Quackity cares a lot for Tommy, and though he won't outright state it, he has a strong connection with him.

CONCLUSION

Everybody on the server has had different interactions with Tommy, and were all affected in different ways when he died. Upon him leaving the prison and turning up alive, they all had different reactions to his return, each relating to their own character and what they experienced while he was away. They all showed different kinds of headspaces, ranging from overjoyed to furious, and Tommy had his own thoughts on each of them as well.

TLDR: Everybody's interactions with Tommy made sense with their characters' histories with him, and all express different kinds of thoughts and reactions that people can go through.

Now let's get all these fuckers some therapy, let's fucking goooooo.

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | 25

; Hoseok x Reader

; Genre: Fluff

; Word Count: 4.2k

; Warnings: Drunken behaviour

; Synopsis: You finally decide to take a dip into the world of online dating and find the Flower dating app. One of the top matches for you proves to be a guy who looks to be your complete opposite; tattooed, pierced, a metalhead and oh…incredibly handsome. What happens when you throw caution to the wind and reach out to him?

; A/N: This is a fun chapter and I hope you all enjoy it too :D please let me know what you thought in the comments and reblog it so others can read it too!

; Flower Masterpost

-

“Aren’t you bothered that he’s over there and not with you?” Jungkook asks, pointing over to the bar where Hoseok is currently standing and having what appears to be a very serious conversation with Namjoon, Eden and Jimin. Though given how tipsy he had been half an hour ago, you weren’t sure whether it was ‘meaning of life’ serious or ‘were all the children on Barney on drugs’ serious. 

Smiling, you shake your head and take a sip of your Coke that you’ve been nursing for an hour now. “I’m his girlfriend, not his keeper. Besides, it’s his birthday. He can spend it wherever and with whoever he wants.” 

“Very nice of you.” The younger man mumbles and you note the way he keeps shyly looking over at Soyeon, currently sitting opposite you in the booth you’d all situated yourselves in upon arriving. There were too many of you all now with Hoseok’s friends combined with you, Chungha and Soyeon, so they were also sprawled onto a table next to you.

“I’m just saying, but you’d both make a great couple.” The words whisper light against Jungkook’s ear and he shivers slightly as your breath tickles the small hairs of his neck. But he doesn’t say anything in response, instead just setting his jaw before looking back at his bottle of beer.

You’re not sure why you suddenly got bold enough to tell him that, but you were always braver when it came to helping your friends. On your own, you hated talking on the phone but if they needed you to talk on the phone for them then god dammit you’d do it.

Still though, you decide not to push it any further. You’ve said your peace and indicated to him that not only do you think they’d work well together, but also that you would most definitely approve if they decided to actually try out a relationship. The thought of it was quite exciting and you wondered if this was how Chungha and Soyeon had felt when you’d started dating Hoseok.

Leaning back, you casually listened in to the conversation that Chungha, her girlfriend Dahyun, Soyeon, Yoongi and Amelia were all having while Jungkook occasionally added his input. He was a naturally quieter guy, like you, which meant you both ended up simply observing for a lot of the time. Though you were even quieter than him as you weren’t drinking unlike everyone else.

From the glazed look in Chungha’s eyes, she was well on her way to being inebriated and you wondered whether it was the glass of white wine in her hand that was doing it or the two double Southern Comfort and lemonade’s that she’d practically inhaled earlier. Dahyun didn’t look much better and you chuckled as she struggled to get out a word, tripping over her own tongue as she slurred.

Amelia was also sober, due to her normal baby duties outside of this event, and you were pleased that she’d finally been able to come out for something. She’d told you earlier that the baby was being looked after by her sister for the evening, meaning this was the first time that Namjoon and her had been able to socialise like this with their friends in months.

You were pleased that she’d come for Hoseok’s birthday and as you looked over all his friends that were dotted around the room in his favourite bar, you felt a warm happiness swell in your chest at the knowledge they’d all come out for him. You couldn’t imagine being this cosy with this many people like he was but you’d long ago recognised that you were both different people with different needs.

So while you’d inevitably grow bored and tired of being around so many people in...okay well you were already there really, you knew that Hoseok would happily keep going until the early hours of the morning. And he’d made his intentions of getting absolutely fucked earlier in the day to you after he’d opened his presents.

Your vinyl player had gone down very well thankfully and he’d been ecstatic about it, desperate to begin playing some of the many records he’d already been gifted from his family and friends. Along with that, he’d begun drinking at noon with a bottle of special ale that he’d been given by Seokjin and had declared that for the first time in almost a year, he was going to get absolutely wrecked tonight.

The idea of that was horrible to you, someone who hated drinking, but you knew he didn’t let loose like this anymore. So you were more than happy to watch him drink himself into blissful happiness, surrounded by his beloved friends before driving him home later when he was probably too drunk to walk straight.

You were just very thankful that he didn’t do this often as you weren’t sure you could handle it.

“You should go to England, it’s great with a lot of history and beautiful landscapes outside of London. Plus, you can travel to Europe really easily as it’s so damn cheap. I mean, they can take a train to Paris! What the fuck?” Yoongi says, his voice a tone higher than it’s normal deep and rumbling level. 

Laughing quietly, you watch as Chungha nods in an overexaggerated manner before pointing at Yoongi to make a point. Only she’s completely off and is instead pointing out towards the bar. Smiling, you gently take her hand and move it to the correct position and snicker when she doesn’t even realise you’ve done it.

“Right?! I mean...I mean a train! To another country! Like...woaaah. It’s crazy. Can you imagine? Do they have planes over there? Or is it all trains and stuff?” Dahyun gasps at Chungha’s slurred questions and you bite your lip in amusement, rolling your eyes at your best friend’s drunken ramblings.

“Chungha, you know they have planes. You flew from Greece to Italy, remember?” There’s a really blank expression on her face for a moment before realisation hits and she ooh’s loudly, excitedly waving her hands in front of her face.

“Oh my god! Yes! I did! Oh, Greece was so pretty. So...so blue. Pretty.” Jungkook is the one to snort this time and you look at him, raising your brows in question but he just shakes his head, a small smile dancing on his lips.

Finally, you decide to get involved with the conversations, leaning forward so that they can hear you better. “I’ve never even been out of the country before. Hoseok’s been to England though, some metal festival or something.”

“Yeah! That’s the trip I went on. We went to Download Festival and travelled around the UK after that. Went to Wales and Scotland too to get the full experience but we couldn’t get to Northern Ireland in time. Sucks, I wanted to see those big stone thingies in the sea. Man, Hoseok got seriously fucked at Download though. Like, he got into a drinking competition with these guys from the UK in the tent next to us and they absolutely destroyed him. He was vomiting everywhere all night.” Your brows rise at that, looking over at your boyfriend where he’s stood at the bar.

Well, he hadn’t told you that. Made himself sound far more cooler than what Yoongi had just told you.

“I thought he could hold his drink?” You ask, though you’re wondering about that as you watch him down another glass of beer. He’d never got so drunk that he’d vomited around you yet, but given his history you wouldn’t put it past him.

"He can, to a degree. But he was mixing all kinds of alcohol that day and it just...was bad. They thought it was hilarious. Hoseok did not enjoy the next day as he still went to the stages and watched the bands. Idiot almost got a migraine."  Despite his words, there’s an incredibly fond look on Yoongi’s face and you note that he’s probably not quite as drunk as you’d initially thought.

Soyeon snorts with laughter and you look at her with a frown before noting the way she nods with her head towards your side with an amused smile. Glancing over, you realise that Jungkook has left and your boyfriend has taken his place. 

There's a glassy look to his eyes that tells you he's a bit drunker than before and you wonder what Jimin had been giving him at the bar. The mischief maker, who you'd been well warned about by both your boyfriend and his friends, had sworn to make sure Hoseok had a great night. Which evidently meant he had to get the birthday boy absolutely shitfaced.

Hoseok feels overwhelmingly warm as he leans a little too heavily against you, his face having gone incredibly red from the alcohol he’d spent the day consuming. But as soon as you look at him, he gives you what you presume is meant to be a charming smile but instead makes it just look like he has wind.

And then he blinks really hard, causing you to tilt your head at him in confusion. He does it again before blowing you a rather sluggish kiss and you realise what he’s doing with a snort, holding your hand against your mouth.

“Baby, you’re not winking at me. You’re just blinking very hard.” The smooth skin of his forehead wrinkles immediately as he obviously thinks about what you’ve just said before he tries again, getting the same result. And then he purposefully holds one eye open with his fingers, causing you to laugh even harder as you take his hand to stop him from potentially hurting himself.

“Oh my god, please stop." Reaching out, you playfully cover his face with your hand and giggle when he simply flops his head into your palm, eyes closing with a ridiculously loud sigh. It was just after 1am and you were a little surprised he seemed to be flagging already.

Then again, you remembered that he'd been drinking in some form since noon now. The fact he could barely hold his head up right now was possibly the least surprising thing you'd heard all night.

“Are you okay?” Leaning closer to him, you make sure that he can hear you over the raucous talk and laughter of the other bar patrons and the music that’s blaring over the speakers. For a few seconds he doesn’t respond and you wonder whether he heard you, but then you see his face wrinkle and realise he was just taking that long to comprehend what you’d say to him.

“I’m not a baby.” He whines, bottom lip jutting out almost comically and you have to steel yourself to stop from laughing at him. Because he was certainly acting like one right now. But it also endeared you to him and you simply pushed at his lip till it was back in place. Each blink looks particularly slow and lethargic, telling you that he’s probably reached his limit.

“I didn’t say that but okay. Do you want to go home?” This time, you speak clearly into his ear as close as you can get. Almost immediately he makes a noise of protest, his shoulder coming up as he cringes from your voice being so close. ASMR always made him shrink away and you felt a little bad.

But he doesn’t start protesting wildly like some drunk people might, proclaiming himself to be perfectly fine and ready to troop on through the night while downing beer after beer. Instead, he stares blankly at the bottle in his hand for a minute or so, oblivious to the chatter of which 90s boy band was better before nodding slowly.

“‘M tired.” He sighs out and you watch closely as he lifts the bottle to his lips, about to take a sip before sighing and placing it back down on the table with an overly loud thunk. It makes some of them jump around the booth, their eyes widening in drunken surprise and you give them all a smile of apology.

“Here, enjoy this,” You say to Yoongi, hanging him the beer that Hoseok has rejected. There’s no point in letting it go to waste when there’s someone more than willing to have it. “Birthday boy is done for the night it would seem.”

That makes everyone pause, all of their gazes moving to your boyfriend. Hoseok doesn’t notice them, though you’re not sure he notices anything really given how it looks like he’s about to fall asleep right there. Chungha pouts dramatically and holds her arms out, wanting a hug from you which you give her with a laugh.

Looking over at the others, who are slightly more sober, you give them a stern face. “Please make sure she doesn’t drink too much and gets home okay.”

“She’ll be fine.” Soyeon says and you realise she’s the closest thing to sober on the table outside of Amelia. It even looks like she has a big glass of water to keep her going too and you give her a relieved smile before gently persuading Hoseok to leave the booth. He wavers dangerously on his feet, once standing, trying to get his balance before staggering off with his weight leaning heavily on you.

“God, you’re much heavier when drunk.” You mutter, shifting yourself to cope better with the dead weight of his arm on you. There’s a brief pause by the bar to say goodbye to everyone else, and you’re not surprised when no one protests you leaving when they see how far gone Hoseok is now, before you successfully manage to navigate out of the busy bar and onto the street.

Your car was in the nearby parking lot and what had been a two minute walk ended up being ten minutes with Hoseok walking at a snail’s pace. Though that was because he’d almost fallen over about three times. He was surprisingly quiet though, which you found odd as he was pretty loud and boisterous when tipsy.

Not a single word leaves his mouth until he’s slouched in the passenger seat of your car with his seatbelt finally secured, looking very much like the drunk person he was with his limbs placed wherever they’d happened to land. His head rolls back on his shoulders until it thumps against the window, letting him look at you as you fasten your own seat belt and turn the key in the ignition.

“‘Luff you.” He mumbles, the words slurred but still audible to you over the quiet noise of the car engine. Glancing over at him, you can’t help but smile as your heart squeezes at the sight of him. His eyes are beyond glassy now, so unfocused and yet it’s almost like he’s looking at you with his own heart. Hoseok is not only a quiet drunk, but a sappy drunk too apparently.

The speakers kick to life as it connects to Spotify on your phone and you cringe slightly as Metallica starts playing. You’d let him pick the playlist for the night and now you were going to have to suffer for the rest of the journey home as you’d already started driving.

Hoseok is so quiet on the trip back that you keep panicking, looking over to make sure he’s okay only to be met with his blank, impassive stare. Though you think it’s probably only blank because thinking is likely too hard at the moment. It makes you want to giggle at the thought but you don’t, biting your lip to stop yourself.

“You’re pretty,” Glancing at him quickly, you note the way his hand is wavering as he attempts to touch your cheek, only his aim is wildly off and you make a noise of protest as he instead bops you on the nose. It doesn’t deter him though and for the sake of driving safely, you take his hand and press it to your cheek instead. “So pretty. Love you.”

“Okay Hobi, I get it. Thank you. Now, please stop poking my face while I’m driving, okay? You can touch my face all you want when we get home.” You ask him, giving him a persuasive look before taking his hand and squeezing it before placing it back on his lap. For a moment, you think he’s going to argue but he quietens down again, slouching and you’re not sure you’ve ever loved him more than in this moment weirdly.

The rest of the journey is much easier and you pack up outside your apartment building with ease, Hoseok’s car next to your own. Getting him to your apartment is a bit of an issue given he doesn’t appear to have really sobered up any since leaving the bar and you have to cajole him into getting back up when he slides down the wall of the elevator, giggling to himself as he sits. It’s only with the promise of cuddles and Kasumi that he finally gets back up and staggers down the hall to your door.

“God, I really hope I don’t have to do this too much.” You mutter as you get him inside, watching as he toes off his shoes while leaning heavily against the wall. As much as you love him, you hate dealing with drunk people because there’s just no reasoning with them sometimes. Thankfully, at least Hoseok appears to be an amenable drunk.

“Hello my baby! My little angel, oh hello chicken. My little Kasumi-pud, my beautiful girl. I’ve missed you! Aren’t you the cutest kitty?” Hoseok has become immediately distracted by the sight of Kasumi as she walks over to greet you both, the soft chirp causing Hoseok to explode into even more drunk nicknames that get increasingly ridiculous.

And then you curse as he gets a little over eager in his attempts to pet her, bending over instead of crouching and soon toppling onto the floor due to his lack of balance. Kasumi starts, her eyes wide and every inch of her primed to run before moving back over to Hoseok, sniffing his nose and mouth curiously as he simply giggles and strokes her in a surprisingly gentle motion.

“Hoseok! Come on, get up. I don’t want you to hurt yourself now.” You grumble, helping him to stand despite his protests at wanting to stroke his ‘ickle chicken’. Why he was calling her that, you had no idea.

You’re soon shown that Hoseok is even more of a handful once home as you turn around to take your own shoes off and hang up your coat because as soon as you’re back, you realise he’s gone. Eyes widening, you wonder where the fuck he went before you hear the shower turning on in the open bathroom door.

Rushing inside, you see Hoseok has half undressed himself and is standing in the shower, eyes closed as the water beats down on him. Only he’s still wearing his shirt and is only naked on the lower half, causing you to sigh and roll your eyes. 

“Hobi, come on. I don’t want you to get hurt or...drown or something.” Grasping his arm, you try to encourage him out of the shower without causing him any harm but he yanks his arm away in protest, a sound that he must assume is a word leaving his mouth before he goes to grab his shampoo.

“Fuck sake.” You mutter, realising he is not going to let you take him out of the shower. Fine, if he won’t leave then you’ll at least make sure he doesn’t drown himself. It takes a bit of encouragement to get him to take his soaked shirt off but you appease him by instead taking over the hard work of washing his hair and body for him. Why he’s so insistent on this you don’t know, until he mutters when you wash his arm.

“Icky. I’m icky. Stupid Sambuca.” It’s then that you realise his arm is ever so slightly sticky beneath the water. Someone evidently spilled Sambuca over his arm instead of actually drinking it, and your nose wrinkles at the thought of him going to bed stinking of aniseed, alcohol and being sticky.

Drunk Hoseok apparently makes the occasional good decision.

Once out, you manage to help him get a towel wrapped around his waist before he decides he wants to impale himself on his toothbrush. Brows rising as you watch him, you wonder if this is just general drunk Hoseok behaviour. He was a generally neat person normally but you don’t particularly remember anyone getting this drunk and demanding to be clean before bed.

Still though, you don’t want him to hurt himself so you carefully brush his teeth for him. And try not to notice the fact he’s giving you that sappy look once more. It’s not quite as cute when his mouth is full of toothpaste foam. Or maybe it’s even cuter given he’s evidently incapable of controlling his facial expressions.

After coaxing him to spit out what was in his mouth, and not swallow it like he’d almost seemed like he was going to, you finally get him to the bedroom where you make him sit on the bed. He does so pliantly, his lips pressed together in a content smile that makes his dimples show and causes him to look far younger and sweeter than the extensive tattoos on show do.

Brushing his hair for him, you press a kiss to his forehead before pointing at him with narrow eyes. “Stay here. Do not move. I’m going to get you a glass of water that I want you to drink and then we’ll dry you off and get you dressed, okay?”

His response is a nod, looking very much like a child with how eager it is and you snort in amusement before leaving to the kitchen. You’re probably gone a minute, if that, before heading back into the bathroom with a glass full of fresh water and pausing in the doorway at what you’re seeing.

Hoseok has not sat still like you’d told him. Instead, he’s stood up and is now completely naked. Only he apparently appears fascinated by the fact he has a penis and is too busy giggling to notice your arrival. 

Clearing your throat, you watch as he looks up with wide eyes. If you’d thought it was because he’d been caught doing...whatever he was doing, then you were wrong because instead he just gives you the brightest smile. You’re about to ask what’s wrong when he proceeds to point down to his groin with excitement.

“Look! A helicopter!” And then he gyrates his hips until his dick swings in a circular motion, causing you to sigh so deeply that you’re not entirely sure if you haven’t just felt your soul leave your body. Taking a moment to yourself, you stare at the floor before looking up with a smile.

“That’s great Hoseok. Now please drink this while I get you dressed.” He pouts at your lack of reaction but you figure it’s probably the best route right now. Otherwise he might be encouraged by your laughter to do something even more silly. The last thing you need is for him to wake up having injured himself doing something stupid in your bedroom.

He takes the glass from you and begins to drink, the sound overly loud and exaggerated but you don’t question it as you make him lean against the wall, allowing you to get him into some boxers without him falling over and hurting himself. A shirt gets childish whines, apparently he’s too hot, but you finally get it on him and get him to sit back on the bed.

“I’m going to get you another glass. Please...just sit there, okay?” There’s no response this time and you wonder what he’s got upto this time when you head back to the bedroom, only to find silence greet you. 

Silence, because Hoseok has evidently decided it was time to sleep. He’d curled himself up under the covers, despite his insistence of being warm, on your side of the bed and appeared to be completely gone. Smiling fondly at him, you place the glass on the bedside table next to him before finding his phone from the jeans he’d thrown off in the bathroom and plugging it in to charge next to yours.

Thank god he’d taken these off before showering.

Going through your own nightly routine, you crawl into bed next to him on his side and sigh as his scent overwhelms you. Hoseok doesn’t move at all and you wonder how strong his hangover is going to be in the morning. Or if he’ll even remember anything that’s happened.

You’re definitely telling him about his dickcopter though. Chuckling to yourself finally at the memory, you shift forward till you can kiss his clothed shoulder fondly and get yourself into a more comfortable position.

His tattoos were never going to look intimidating ever again now.

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “This is War.”

This arc is going to be exciting, I hope you guys like it. 

“Commander, the Burg have broken through the defense Nexus and are making siege on the Gromm homeworld. We have sent ships to supplement them, but we won't be able to last much longer. How soon can you arrive.?”

“Immediately chairwoman. Give me the change to mobilize the fleet, and we will come  drop in to assist. Have some of your your cruisers sent in with shield generators. We would be more combat effective, if all our time was not spent in maneuvers.”

“It will be done commander.”

“One more thing, chairwoman.”

“Yes commander.” 

“Get me a forward report of battle progress, I want numbers, estimates, power outputs, weapons, anything you can give me, I want to know about it.”

“You will have it, Commander.”

The hologram disappeared, and Commander Vir pointed to one of the communications specialists, “You, get the fleet online, immediately.”

“Yes sir.” 

There was a moment of verbal silence as the room was filled with the distant clattering of feet thundering through the lower decks preparing for battle stations.

Four young soldiers sat in the corner of the room wide eyed and nervously watching the proceedings unfold as their insides churned. 

What a day to be a new recruit.

Bright blue light erupted around the room, and fifteen figures stepped out of the ether in various stages of wakefulness and or dress.

“Commander.” One of the men Said salluting, he was older maybe in his early to mid fifties though he looked better than a lot of men twice his age 

“Captain Eklend, Koslov, Ho, Silva, Bassi, you five are active?”

“Yes, Sir.” They chorused

“What this is about?”

“War, Captain, The Burg have perpetrated an act of war against the GA. You five are needed immediately with my ship on the front line. The rest of you, prepare yourselves for standby. I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket.”

“An act of war!”

“Yes ,they are attempting to invade the Gromm homeworld.”

“What reason could they have-”

“Their reasons don’t matter for now. For the moment we focus on providing support to the Gromm and the GA. Have your crews ready as soon as possible, and initiate an instant warp. I know it will be rough on the coolant systems, but if you back charge that energy into the rail guns and cannons, that we should be able to arrive prepared. I want jets ready to provide in-atmosphere air support if necessary and as instantly as possible. Am I understood.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Alert me as soon as you are ready, and make it quick. My people will have the coordinates to yours immediately “

“Yes, Commander/” Fifteen salutes, and fifteen holograms gone dark.

Commander Vir turned to the bridge crew, “Prepare for an instant warp, like I was saying before, make sure you back charge the rail guns with the excess energy put off by the core. We don’t want to smoke ourselves out with the heat.”

Turning, he took a seat in his chair, and despite his clothing, a star-wars T-shirt and a pair of heelies, no one would have assumed he was anything other than the commander. A door clattered behind them, and the small blue Drev from earlier burst through the door and ran across the deck to her seat.

“Sunny-”

“Yes! Preparing to back charge the railguns, commander. Loading bunker busting rounds, and loading flairs.”

“Good.” He barked.

With one hand he reached over and toggled the Comm switch.

His voice once relegated to this room, now echoed down the halls with a commanding echo, “Crew of the harbinger, this is your Commander speaking. At this moment the Burg have declared war on the GA and are attempting to overtake the Gromm planet for its strategic location within the GA. All of you are to report to your battle stations immediately and prepare for war. All vehicles, flying or otherwise, should be ready for takeoff. I want marines prepared to to insert by drop ship at a moment’s notice. All non military personnel are to return to their quarters, or a safe room away from the outer hull of the ship. Please make sure to go over any and all escape pod procedures in case of an emergency…..”

There was a moment of solemn silence.

“I understand that this is our first military engagement, I understand that you may be frightened, angry or even shocked, but I make a promise to you now, that I will do whatever I can to keep all of you and every last member of earth, and the GA safe. If you follow me in this goal I guarantee, there is no army, no species, no force save deity who can stop us. My fellow humans, and my brothers and sisters Drev,... let us show them what it means to wage war.”

He shut off the comm jaw set face staring forward.

With one hand, he reached up and pulled off the eyepatch revealing an inhuman mechanical replacement underneath.

“Commander, Captain  Kozlov is ready for warp.”

“As is Captain Bassi.”

“Captains Eklend, and Ho. Have reported in.”

“Captain Silva is ready, Commander.”

“Than we warp in five, four, three, two, one….”

***

The burg Commander stood at the head of her ship pincers clicking in great pleasure as she watched another one of the GA ships fall under her onslaught. 

Their shields were powerful, but their weapons were measly.

Their scientists had known this for a while. The GA were soft creatures born of government and economics and not of chaos like her people . They would rather, sit back and defend themselves like a wounded Curdling licking its wounds tan to stand and fight, and now they had insulted her people one last tie. 

Her previous successor, had failed in his mission, one that should have been easy considering their ability to exploit the GA’s soft and trusting laws, but he had lost his temper and given himself away before the end.

However, the time for stealth was long past, now it was a time for war. For the past few years, since their withdrawal from GA peace talks )she chittered her mandibles disgusted at the very thought they had once been willing to parlay with such disgusting creatures) they had traveled the galaxy in search of greater resources, stocking themselves for ward, creating alliances with other entities in the vastness of space.

The GA would fall for their insolence against the Burg,, and she would be the one to usher them into a greater future.

Who knows, perhaps she might even become queen.

The thought of sitting, fat and happy at the center of the hive made her insides wriggle with pleasure.

Another GA ship fell breaking into pieces and falling towards the glittering surface of the Gromm planet. The shards sparked and sizzled as they were deflected away from the planet’s defence nexus. 

It didn’t matter though, it wouldn’t be here for long.

She planned for that.

And that is when her alarms began going off. She whirled in a circle towards the group of grumbs at her back. They pulsed and oozed in time with the engines of the ship controlling the interior mechanisms with their bodies, which had been fuzed into the mechanisms. When this ship died, they would die with it.

“What is happening.”

“Your glory, ships have appeared from warp, and they ae firing on us.”

“WHO.” She demanded, “I must see!” They gurgled and mumbled as they got to work scrambling to do their best and find a suitable answer for her. The ship drifted around so the viewing platform faced outwards.

Ans that is when she saw them.

Two strange ships on the horizon, and as she watched, three more followed in quick succession, flashing into existence against the black backdrop of the  expanse. 

She would know those ships anywhere.

Hard, brutal and malignant like their pilots, “Slimy Maggots!” She spat grinding her pincers together.

“What is it, your glory?”

The sound that came through her teeth was nothing more than a warbling hiss “Humans.” 

The air around her pulsed with the wave of an incoming transmission. She accepted with an angry flick, her legs chittering back and forth across the ground. And then she saw it, that ugly hideous thing with its bulging bulbous eyes and sofy maggoty flesh, rubbery like a worm.

It blinked at her revealing that mouth full of toxic venom which had been such  a hindrance to her people.

She knew this human well, if not from personal contact, than form the hostires.

For to forget a grudge was to forget one’s honor.

“Disgusting human, have you come to join your fellows as their dust is sprinkled by the solar wind.”

“Let's drop the niceties shall we.” The human responded it’s voice a horrible throbbing humm inside her head, “Now that we are here, You have two options you will surrender to the GA and live, or you will fight and you will die poorly. Which shall it be, this is your first and final warning.”

She chittered her mandibles together in laughter.

“You are mistaken human. For it is YOU who will die poorly, and there is no surrender.

“Is that a no than?”

She spat at the screen, “You will die screaming.”

“I said, is-that-a-no?”

“NO.”

“Very well.”

And then she …. She saw something, or she thought she saw something. 

A flash of light, like a fire ignited behind the slimy outer layer of the human Iris. It was both cold and hot burning and cold, chaotic and still. The longer she stared the hotter the little fire grew, until it felt as if she could feel tongues of flame licking at her shell,

“Do you have gods, burg.”

She wasn’t entirely sure where this was going but the mesmerizing nature of the eyes caused her to grow still, unable to be silent against the burning question.

“Yes.”

“Do you pray.”

“Only over the pyres of our dead.”

The human bared his teeth slimy coating of venom sparkling under the light.

“Then Pray.” 

[montana-mojo]

I’m back with (you guessed it) another Yunoelle fanfic.

I’m not sure with this one. It’s also from a prompt but I don’t think I did well on this. It started out as a Modern AU but changed my mind halfway lol. Practice makes perfect I guess 🤔

I know this ship doesn’t make sense but can we please just let people enjoy things? I’m a multi-shipper and I like Asta x Noelle as well. I mean hello they’re so cuuuuuute! I guess I just like the dynamics between Yuno and Noelle more that’s why I like reading and writing about them. I don’t know, is it just me?

Dance With Me

Rating: G

Pairing: Noelle Silva x Yuno

Summary: Noelle and Yuno share an awkward dance at Asta and Mimosa’s wedding.

When Mimosa asked her to be her maid of honor, Noelle couldn't quite refuse. Mimosa was like a sister to her and despite having dated Asta briefly in the past, he became one of her best friends over the years. But still, she had her reservations on agreeing to the request but was reassured by her cousin that both her and Asta wanted her for the role.

“If you don’t agree, I’ll have to ask Nebra. You won’t let me go through that, would you?” Mimosa had said knowing full well that Noelle wasn’t going to let her nasty sister get something that was initially hers.

It was a beautiful wedding and now that it was all over, she felt like she can finally take a breath properly without gaining the ire of a nearby relative. Being the disappointment of the whole clan didn't really bother her much but she tried to avoid confrontations in social occasions such as this one. Thankfully, most of her family left early. They didn't really approve Mimosa's choice for a husband but they were civil enough to join the occasion.

Vanessa was singing a slow song on stage with Magna playing the guitar as couples were slow-dancing on the floor. Noelle was sitting at the bar drinking a glass of wine as she watched the scene contently, quite happy with how to evening turned out. She did well during her speech which was a miracle by itself since she was terrible at speaking to crowds. She was able to get all the words out properly and didn’t make a fool of herself thanks to the hours and hours of practice she did beforehand.

"Quite the party, huh." Noelle heard Yuno say, not realizing that he sat down on the stool beside her. The bartender approached and asked him what he was having. "Just a glass of water, thank you."

"I was just thinking about my speech and how it was obviously better than yours." Noelle quipped as she took a sip of her drink.

Yuno chuckled. He was Asta's best man and was required to give a speech as well. It was short but Asta was bawling like a baby by the end of it regardless.

"Right." He said. "At least it wasn't five pages long."

"Oh go away."

The bartender handed Yuno his water and Noelle took this opportunity to study him at the corner of her eye. He looked handsome. Well, he was always handsome, but he looked more so tonight dressed in his formal suit. His hair, which usually stuck out in various places on his head, was gelled and combed neatly.

Yuno held a weird place in her life. They knew each other but never really formed a bond. Yuno was always quiet and Noelle always rattled on about everything and anything whenever they were together. He was one of those people who was just there. Despite this, she respected him as a powerful mage and she was honored to have fought with him on the battlefield on several occasions.

Noelle knew that he would be content to just sit there in silence without striking up a conversation so cleared her throat, deciding to take it upon herself to break the ice. "I can't believe Asta and Mimosa are married." She stated.

Yuno shrug his shoulders. "It was bound to happen. They're made for each other"

True. Mimosa fit Asta better than anyone, even better than her. Her cousin was always so kind and patient which complemented Asta's over-the-top-borderline-obnoxious personality. Noelle was known for a lot of things but being patient was not one of them which is why her relationship with Asta ended just a couple of months after it started. That was years ago and she truly was happy that he found a love in Mimosa.

Yuno set the glass that he was holding down on the counter before turning to her. "Dance with me." He said all of the sudden. His invitation completely caught her off guard and she nearly choked on her drink. She stared at the hand that he offered her, waiting for the punchline that never came, his expression tensing at every second that passed.

"Okay." Noelle said as she placed her hand on his and stood up from the bar stool, forcing herself to think straight. It's not like this was their first dance together. They were partners during the choreographed entourage performance earlier so why were her thoughts and heartbeat racing.

They settled in the middle of the floor both awkwardly looking at each other before he finally placed his hands on her waist. They swayed with the music, Noelle unable to relax under Yuno's gaze. She felt she was about to have a mental breakdown right then and there. But true to her fashion, she decided to behave like she usually did.

Noelle stuck her nose high in the air and huffed, "Your dancing is subpar. You should have taken dancing lessons before asking a royal like me to dance."

"You stepped on my foot three times during the entourage performance." Yuno said, flatly.

"I did not." She murmured as she looked down embarrassed. "Then why did you ask me then if I'm so horrible at it."

Yuno was silent and Noelle finally dared to look up at him. His eyebrows was slightly furrowed, his lips opening and closing as if he's testing the words in his mouth before saying them out loud. "I just want to have fun and dance with a friend for the rest of the night." He finally said.

Noelle's stared at Yuno blankly.

"If that's alright with you of course." He quickly added.

"Well..." She gulped, swallowing the invisible mass that formed in her throat. She was about to blurt out a haughty response but stopped herself at the last moment.

Most people regarded Yuno as cold and distant but she was one of the few who knew about his past in Hage Village. Sister Lily had told her during one of her visits that Yuno was a sensitive child and that he was constantly picked on because of it. Asta was his protector all throughout their childhood and this explained the strong bond between the two boys even if they were polar opposites personality wise. Noelle knew that underneath Yuno’s stoic nature, he was a good and caring person and that she was lucky that he considered her as his friend.

"I lied." She said instead. "You're a great dancer. I'm sorry."

"No worries." He said with a slight smile.

Noelle didn’t know him well, that was true, but she had a feeling that that was going to change after tonight.

"Twirl me on three?"

"You still need a count?"

"Just do it." She said as she rolled her eyes and they laughed as he twirled her around the dance floor.

End

[desperationandgin]

Where the Love Light Gleams

Rating: Mature

Also Read on: AO3

Summary: After an accident that changes Claire Randall's life, she comes face to face with the man who saved her.

Author’s Note: Welcome to the first fic for the inaugural Winter of Want! Thank you so much to @smashingteacups​ and @missclairebelle​ for being my partners in crime! Also, thank you to them as well as @happytoobserve​ for being betas! And thank you so much to @fierceweebadger​ for the beautiful moodboard she made! I'm so grateful to all of my people ❤ 

On with the story!

The Cellist

The first time he’d ever seen Claire Randall she was a broken woman, close to being consumed by flames, blood matting dark curls to her forehead and neck. She’d been hanging upside down by her seatbelt, and he’d worked to get her out while the rest of his crew battled the fire and pulled the driver from the wreckage.

A husband and wife who’d been heading home, according to the upside-down (but still functioning) GPS. Witnesses explained the husband swerved to miss a deer, sideswiped an oncoming truck, and flipped the car down an embankment. Sparks set the dry grass on fire, and by the time help had arrived, strangers were attempting to use any spare water they could to stop the blaze’s progress.

Jamie’d known the husband died instantly, but when he asked the lass what her name was during a moment of consciousness, she’d looked right at him and he had no doubt she would live. The sheer will in those amber eyes was too intense to go out, too stubborn. It had only been a second, but in that brief moment of awareness, she’d said her name as calmly as if they were on a still sea.

Claire.

She’d lost consciousness again after that, and Jamie had relinquished her to the medics. After his shift, he’d checked with the hospital, discovered she would live, and gone home. He’d thought about visiting her, but he was a stranger and her husband was dead. It didn’t seem like the time to introduce himself, though a part of him, perhaps, hoped that she would reach out to him, want to meet the person who saved her. The call never came, and he prayed the young widow was able to move on with her life, find some sort of happiness again. His dreams reminded him of her periodically, but over the next five years, all that he could remember were those eyes.

Until he walks into the Firefighter’s Charity Ball and there she is, on a stage flanked by seven others. Amid various Christmas decor, the woman he’d last seen bloody and fragile, plays the cello, the symphonic strains of O Come, All Ye Faithful filling the room thanks to the small octet. He stares, unable to look away, lips parting to see her so vibrant. So alive. She looks bonny, better than, with her curls floating like a cloud around her head. She’s in a simple black dress with the barest hint of her calves showing as she plays, and he’s sure he’s never wanted to know another woman this badly in his life.

Taking a sip of whisky as he admires the way she plays, the song fades, and she begins to put aside her bow. Before Jamie can look away, her eyes land directly on him.

She has no idea who he is.

He can see it in the way her gaze drifts immediately, looking out at the crowd before refocusing on her sheet music.

She has no idea that the man who saved her life is standing right in front of her.

It’s an hour before the musicians take a break, and Jamie finds her immediately, trying to decide how to approach her. He can’t very well ask her to recall something so horrible, so he introduces himself as a stranger, eggnog in hand to offer.

“Ye play verra beautifully, if ye dinna mind me sayin’ so,” he praises, holding out the glass. He’s formally dressed in his uniform and doesn’t miss the way her eyes land first at his chest, then make their way up slowly, taking her time.

At least he knows she’s interested.

“Thank you,” she replies with a soft smile and dip of her head. “I’ve always loved playing this time of year.”

“Does yer wee group make the rounds often around the holidays?” Jamie asks as he takes a sip of his drink, casually slipping a hand into his pocket, trying very hard not to think about wanting her.

Claire lets out a breath of air through her nose, a laugh, and smiles around the rim of her glass, shaking her head. “My wee group and I are part of the Scottish Symphony Orchestra. I’m first chair.” It’s an illumination dropped as casually as if she’d said she majored in English.

His eyes widen, adding her occupation and position with the orchestra to the list of things he knows to be true of her. (The others being her sheer will to survive and her determined gaze.) “That’s quite the achievement; I didna realize ye could ask for parts of the whole at an event.”

“Well, you can when you’re married to the conductor,” she informs him. “The event planner for tonight just happens to be, and this is a good cause, so I’m sure strings were pulled. No pun intended.” Claire meets his gaze with a softened one of her own. “Thank you. For risking your life to save others.”

He thinks she might tell him her story, a perfect segue for him to introduce himself, but instead, she simply tells him her name.

“I’m Claire Randall. It’s nice to meet you.” She extends her hand, and his first thought is that she never remarried, though he mentally admonishes himself immediately.

“Jamie Fraser. And ye dinnae need to thank me, though I appreciate it. Do ye get to enjoy yourself this evening, or is it all business?”

“Oh, I’m strictly the help,” she replies with a dazzling smile that makes his knees weak and his heart pound.

Christ, he feels like an eejit trying to come up with a way to keep her talking, to not go anywhere and leave him without her warmth. “If that’s the case then, how would ye feel about taking down my number?” Something, anything to keep a connection between them.

Watching his face, Claire finishes off her eggnog before checking the time and setting her glass down. “I feel you should wait until after the event is over and walk me home. I’m only a few blocks up. Then we’ll see if your number’s earned a place in my phone.”

The way she smiles at him before turning to go back toward the stage makes him feel as though he might be the only person she’s ever smiled at in exactly that way.

Jamie’s plan, initially, had been to leave after dessert, two hours well-spent mingling. Now, as the third-hour rolls by and people begin saying goodbyes, he watches the mini-orchestra perform one last medley of songs. It’s a good opportunity to study how focused Claire is when she plays her instrument, how her fingers seem to float, moved by something supernatural. He notices now that her arms are solid and toned, idly wondering how many years she’s been playing. He longs to hear her alone, the spotlight only on her.

As the playing concludes, Claire’s eyes move from the sheet music to Jamie, the intensity of their stare causing the air to seemingly crackle around them. Neither of them moves, and so she’s watching as he frowns and looks down, reaching into his pocket for his phone. He isn’t the only one — five others seem to stop what they’re doing and check for something.

It’s immediately clear that he has to leave.

Knowing the party is over anyway, Jamie makes his way to the stage, meeting her halfway down.

“You have to go?”

“Aye,” he breathes out, watching as she reaches into the folds of her dress and pulls out a business card. Taking it from her, Jamie wastes no time, grabbing the pen from his breast pocket, writing his number, and returning the card. “Let this be on your terms, Sassenach,” he assures her, then lightly snags her hand, kissing the top of her knuckles softly.

He’s gone before she can ask him what the hell a Sassenach is.

The next night, armed with wine and her laptop, Claire sits (in the company of her ‘she adopted me’ black cat, Sesh, and a Joni Mitchell playlist) and Googles one Jamie Fraser of the Scottish Fire and Rescue Service. Clicking over to an image search, she takes a sip of wine and hums at the first photo on the page. It’s him, most assuredly, running in a marathon, sweaty, biceps proudly showing, and somehow looking directly into the camera.

“I sincerely hope there was an emergency last night, Sesh,” Claire mutters, feeling a pang of shame for the thought, but not for long; soon enough it’s replaced by sheer want, before even that’s replaced by a guilt different from the first. She’s been reassured, not by one friend or even two ganging together, but four, that she deserves to be happy again or, at the very least, deserves a good roll in the hay with someone.

Those had been Gillian’s words, agreed-upon emphatically by both John — and in the ultimate betrayal — Joe plus his wife. She knew five years was more than enough time, but since the accident, there’d been no reason to seek out something that would only leave her feeling emptier than she had before. No one captivated her attention, no one made her want to get to know them better. She’s been happy to not risk her heart again and live in a quiet bubble alone.

Until last night.

She’d glimpsed him after finishing the first song of the evening, her eyes attracted to that shock of red curls in the audience. When he’d approached her, she found herself unable to keep the flirting from rolling right off of her tongue. He’d undone her somehow in the span of perhaps twenty minutes, all told. She remembers his hasty exit, which reminds her to open a new tab and begin typing into the search bar.

Sass-

“Oh, bloody hell. What was it?” she mutters, trying to recall it, to sound it out phonetically.

Sass-in-ach

Claire goes with it, appreciates the Showing Results For Sassenach correction, and reads aloud, mumbling the words. “‘An English person.’ That’s not very creative, is it?” Though she has to admit, it sounded nice coming from him. It’s different, and she wonders if he calls every English person he meets the same thing.

Going back to her original search, she clicks out of the images, skimming the links until one catches her eye. The date, in particular.

January 24th, 2014.

The day of the accident.

Putting her wine down and sitting up straight, Claire hesitates a fraction of a second before pulling up the story. She’s immediately greeted by an image of her own crumpled and overturned vehicle, and for a moment, she can do nothing but stare at it, trying to remember herself inside. John had taken her to see it two weeks after the funeral, helped her get the things out of the boot (her cello, protected in its case, a suitcase and carry on from her recent trip to the States), and she hasn’t seen it since. When she’s finally able to scroll past the image, she reads about details she can’t remember, and then there’s Jamie, being praised as a hero.

“‘I only knew I had to get the lass out of the vehicle, so I paid no mind to the flames. I had to trust that my colleagues had control of the situation while I managed to cut the passenger free,’ explained Jamie Fraser, one of the first responders on the scene. Thanks to his quick action, the female passenger is said to be making a full recovery. His efforts will be celebrated by Chief Fire Officer Blunden—”

She doesn’t bother to read any further. Every thought she has seems to fall on top of the next until one finally becomes clear: Jamie Fraser saved her life.

“Oh, my God.”

Sesh seems unbothered, slow-blinking up at her as the pieces come together. He’d seen her, sought her out. Did he remember her? Know who she was at the event? It’s only after she’s dialed the number he wrote on her card that she realizes it’s very nearly one in the morning. “Fuck.” She’s moving her thumb to disconnect just as she hears a muffled grunt. Freezing in surprise, the phone goes back to her ear as she speaks quietly.

“Hello?”

“Was that a suggestion, Sassenach?”

His voice is low and thick with sleep, but somehow his humor’s still quick, and she coughs, wetting her lips. “No, no, only that I didn’t mean to call you so late. I lost track of—”

Christ, cut to the chase, Beauchamp.

“Do you remember saving my life?”

The silence on the other end hangs for what feels like hours, but she hears the faint sound of what she assumes is Jamie sitting up in bed, readjusting the grip he has on his phone.

“Aye, I do. Do you remember it, Claire?”

Closing her eyes, she tries, but her memory stops just after Frank picked her up from the airport. “No. You pulled me out of the car?”

“I cut ye free and then got ye clear of the accident.” He pauses, sitting in the dark of his flat, worried about her. “Ye dinnae need to think about it, Claire,” he tells her gently.

“You saved my life, Jamie, that’s what I’m thinking of. They asked me when I was in recovery if I wanted to meet you, but I couldn’t — I’d just lost my husband, I wasn’t thinking about meeting anyone.”

When Jamie speaks again, his voice is soft and even, meant to soothe. “There’s no reason ye need to explain anything. It was five years ago, Sassenach, and yer life was changed forever. I’m no’ going to hold anything against ye.”

For four heartbeats, quiet lingers between them before Claire speaks again. “I realize tomorrow is Christmas Eve, you’ve probably got plans of some sort, but I would like to see you if I can.”

If there’d been a hint of grogginess left in him, he’s fully awake now, squinting in the dark. “Ye dinnae have yer own plans?”

“Well, my husband died.”

Grunting in surprise at her response, Jamie rubs a hand over the top of his head, thinking. “I dinnae have anywhere to be until noon on Christmas Day, so my Eve is all yours, Sassenach, if ye want it.”

Christ, she doesn’t know if he meant to sound alluring or not, so she stays neutral. “Only if you’re sure.”

“Do ye ken where Victoria Park is?”

She’s nodding before she remembers she needs to respond aloud. “The park with the bowling greens?”

“Aye, and the walking paths. There are benches, good for sitting and talking for a while if ye’d like.” He meant it when he told her before that anything between them should be on her terms, and that was before she connected the dots. He doesn’t know what it is to lose a spouse, but he imagines the prospect of speaking about it is daunting.

In the silence that waits for her response, Claire looks down at the gold ring on her finger, thumb lightly stroking the cool metal. She tries to imagine it, her heart being wide open again and susceptible to breaking. Closing her eyes, she remembers that Jamie smelled vaguely of citrus and sage and the specific blue of his eyes was like an afternoon sky on a cloudless day. Comforting and warm.

It’s an easy decision when the memory of his gaze on her causes a flush.

“I would like that, Jamie.”

_______________________________________________________________________

They decide to meet at ten in the morning when the park is between hosting late A.M. joggers and parents with toddlers. She wanders toward the spot they’re meeting, under a grove of trees home to a row of benches. Slowing her pace as she approaches, Claire gives herself a few steps to admire him, the cut of his hips and the way his muscles move even under his coat.

Christ, he’s made an impression.

And then she remembers that this is the man who saved her life, features softening when he looks up and spots her.

“Ye made it. I was worried the directions were too vague,” he admits, standing to greet her.

“In the summer there’s a beautiful patch of wild yellow flowers just across the sidewalk. It’s gorgeous, I used to come often when I first moved here.”

They walk back to the bench together and sit, though neither one of them knows exactly how to begin the conversation. Eventually, it’s Claire who breaks the silence.

“I’m sorry. For not trying to find you after the accident.”

Jamie’s shaking his head before she’s done speaking. “Ye dinnae have to apologize for it, as I told ye last night.” He stops short of saying he was doing his job, but it was more than that. He knew it the moment she looked at him. “I did check in on ye, just to be sure ye’d be alright. But I kent there was no’ much I could do or say to make anything better for ye.” And he hadn’t wanted to drop in unannounced only to make things worse for her in some way.

Studying her hands, she drags her thumb along the lifeline, closing her eyes. She remembers getting into the car at the airport. Begging Frank to turn off talk radio so they could have a conversation. She remembers him laughing at something she said, and then, nothing. “I woke up in the hospital and couldn’t remember what happened. They told me there’d been an accident, and I think I knew my husband was dead before they said it.”

He moves his hand to cover one of hers without thinking, so when she squeezes his fingers he holds on tightly, aware now of the weight of her palm and the delicate skin of her wrist under his thumb.

“I didn’t touch my cello for a year afterward. I’d somehow convinced myself it was my fault, that if I hadn’t traveled to play, he wouldn’t have picked me up from the airport, there wouldn’t have been an accident.” She closes her eyes for a moment. “I don’t believe that now, but it felt better to blame myself for a little while.”

She’s kept her grip on him, squeezing again as she takes a breath and lets it out slowly.

“When I finally got to ye,” he begins quietly, looking down at their hands, “ye were unconscious. I went to cut off the seatbelt and yer eyes opened, ye looked directly at me. I asked your name, and ye said it, so…” Jamie trails off, unable to find the right words for it. “As though ye’d been waiting for me to ask. Then ye were out again and that was the last I saw of ye.”

Her eyes fall to their hands as well, and she turns hers over so that their fingertips are touching.

“But I kent ye would live. I could see it in yer eyes, that ye’re a lass wi’ spirit,” he tells her with a soft smile. “And I ken ye know it now, but it wasna yer fault, Claire.”

She does know, but hearing it feels like balm on an aching wound. “Thank you for saving my life, Jamie.” Lifting her gaze, she studies his face and admires the sharp angle of his jaw, the tawny scruff there.

There’s something between them, he can feel it as if a living, pulsing thing. He’s aware of each breath she takes, the rise and fall of her chest; he feels it as surely as his own body moving, both of them separate pieces of a complete being.

“I’m glad that it was me, Sassenach. I cannae explain it, but—”

“But it was supposed to be you,” Claire finishes. Jamie was meant to save her, no one else could have.

Raising her hand to his lips, Jamie frowns lightly upon pulling back. “Your hands are like ice, Sassenach. Let me buy ye something warm,” he offers. “There’s a wee cafe nearby.”

In truth, if it were a way to spend more time with him, it didn’t matter what they did or where they went.

Claire smiles, charmed the moment he said wee.

_______________________________________________________________________

It was inevitable, really, that they fall into bed with one another. Under the pretense of dinner (which they did eat; an easy meal of pasta in lemon sauce and good crusty bread for soaking up the remnants), she’d agreed to go back to his flat. They’d both known it wasn’t going to be about the food for long.

She sleeps now with her head resting on his outstretched arm, facing him. His hand has been numb for hours, but he wouldn’t dream of moving her, not now. Not when he has the pleasure of seeing up close the light dusting of freckles across her cheekbones and nose. He can see the way her eyelashes curl upward slightly, and he revels in the feel of her breath falling against his skin. Reaching out, Jamie’s fingers lightly brush a stray curl from her cheek, his touch as gentle as possible so as not to wake her. Her skin is so delicate, like fine porcelain, and he slowly drags the tips of his fingers down her side. There’s a scar that begins on her hip, and he follows the feel of it down as far as he can reach. From the accident, she’d said, just before he’d leaned down to kiss the mark right in the center.

When Claire shifts, Jamie freezes, hand hovering as she finally moves off of his arm and tucks herself onto her side, with her back to him now. When she seems settled, he slowly moves onto his side behind her, curving his body into the hollow of hers. Tucking his legs behind her knees, he rests his hand on her hip, the other arm stretched protectively over her. Taking a chance, he ducks his head and kisses the beauty mark on her shoulder, his touch as light as he can make it. Then he finds he can’t stop himself from continuing his tender assault across her skin. She moves again, and his hand rests against her stomach, lightly holding on as he goes still.

“I’m not likely to go anywhere,” she whispers in the dark, hint of a smile in her voice.

Discovered, Jamie presses firmer kisses to her skin, giving up any pretense of being careful. “Good. I didna plan to let ye up from this bed soon,” he warns.

Smiling, Claire rolls herself under him, both of them shifting until he’s comfortably above her. Glancing toward the window, she raises an eyebrow, only able to see him in the dark because of a faintly glowing streetlamp. “From the looks of it, we still have plenty of sleeping to do.”

“Aye. Plenty of late night left. Which means plenty of time to sleep. In a bit.” He has no plans of letting her get back to it right away as his head ducks and lips press to the middle of her chest.

“You don’t seem very tired.” Already, she’s flushing, trying to anticipate where his mouth might go next.

“I’ve found my second wind, though I have a verra distinct feeling that it won’t be hard to want ye all the time.” He drops a kiss to the curve of her breast, marveling in the way her flesh softly yields.

“Does that mean you’d like to see me again?” she queries, voice soft, not wanting to assume.

Immediately, Jamie raises his head, eyes meeting hers so that she can see the truth of his words.

“I’d like to see ye every day for the rest of my life, Sassenach. If it suits ye.”

She’s so shocked by his words that she laughs; not at him but at the idea that she can laugh again, in the company of a man who wants her. “I’m sure we could work out some sort of arrangement, though I realize this time you have right now is a luxury.”

“It is,” he murmurs, resuming the self-imposed task of kissing her skin, dipping low to begin a slow descent. “But the consecutive days off are verra worth it, ye ken? If I have you to look forward to, I reckon I could get through anything.”

She sighs in contentment as her legs part to make a home for him. “You look forward to me?” She smiles softly, just as her breath catches at a well-placed kiss to her pelvis.

“Only someone wi’ out all five senses wouldna look forward to ye, mo nigheann donn.”

Claire stops him with a soft tug of his curls, and when he raises his head she arches an eyebrow, curiosity in her eyes.

“‘My brown-haired lass,’” he answers, knowing her question and bringing one of her legs over his shoulder, parting her with his fingers.

“I very much enjoy it when you speak to me in Gaelic,” she manages, getting it out while she can, knowing she won’t have the capability of thought soon.

Once more, Jamie raises his head, giving her a cheeky grin. “Laigh air ais fhad 's a tha mi agad.” (Lie back while I have ye.)

She has no idea what he said, but the timbre of his voice, the way his eyes darken — she knows it was filthy, but her amusement gives way to a soft gasp once his mouth finds the slick, heated center of her. A hand immediately moves to the top of his head, lips pressing together as she holds her breath for half a heartbeat and then cries out, back arching. Unable to help herself, she presses her thighs to the sides of his head, only easing up when one of his hands grips her hip tightly. His other rests on her belly, holding her down, keeping her grounded.

His head attempts to move with her body, following each spasm of her hips. He tastes her first climax; she coats his tongue and chin but he doesn’t stop, and when she comes again it’s around two curved fingers, the feel of her going straight to his cock. There’s a third, smaller shockwave, given while tucked against his chest, his hand between them.

Panting against his neck, Claire takes her time coming back to herself, basking in the feel of stretching when thoroughly satisfied. “You are very, very good at that,” she finally manages, very nearly purring in relaxation.

“Weel, I do aim to please, but admittedly, it’s no’ hard to want to make ye writhe like that all the time. Christ, the sounds ye make, and the way yer entire body grips me just so.” He’s hard and wanting, aching just a bit at the minutes-old memory. “Ye have no idea the gift ye are.”

His words strike her, and she pulls back, gaze soft as she reaches out, fingertips lightly pressing to his cheek.

“I’m only here because of you.”

Jamie wants to refute it, to insist that she did all the fighting to stay alive. But the truth of it is, she had needed him. She couldn’t have gotten out of that vehicle herself.

“Still. Ye lived, and I ken it was no’ easy for ye.” Lightly, he reaches out to drag his thumb across the apple of her cheek. “Ye needn’t ever worry that ye cannae still grieve him. If this was too soon, too much—”

Claire stops him with the tip of a finger pressed to his lips. For a moment’s pause, she simply looks at him, holds his gaze and makes it clear that she would like to speak. When his lips press softly to her finger, her hand drops and she pushes him lightly onto his back, straddling his hips. That’s all she does, reaching for his hands and holding onto both of them, lacing their fingers together.

“I don’t recall saying anything was too much or too soon. What I can tell you is that for five years, I haven’t let myself feel a thing. Loneliness is a choice, or so they say. And I chose it because it’s a hell of a lot better than losing so much all the time.” She looks down, the hint of more loss than she’s willing to share playing across her features. “I thought it would stay like that, always.”

She’d convinced herself she was fine with it, that the less she risked, the fewer heartbreaks she would need to endure.

“That plan was working out very well for me until I met you,” she informs him, eyes creasing in the corners as she smiles before speaking seriously again. “I thought I’d lost the ability to feel anything close to this, after a while.” Want and lust and need for another person; all of those things had felt like lost causes.

“What is it about you, Jamie?” As she asks, her hips begin a slow rock against his. “How did you find me?”

He’s captivated by her words and movement, groaning at the feel of her gliding easily along the length of him. “I didna find ye at all,” he manages, raising his head a bit to watch himself disappear into her, finally, inch by inch until he’s buried to the hilt. Neither of them moves, her eyes closed while his are focused firmly on her face while he fights the urge to move right away.

“Ye came into my life, Claire, and ye never truly left.” A part of him has held onto her, even if it was only a single feature that haunted his dreams. Her soul imprinted on his, and he knows now that he’s complete with her, that it never could have been another way for him.

When she opens her eyes, they’re blown wide with pleasure, pupils dark and lids heavy. He’s staring right at her, and one of her hands reaches for his, bringing it over her chest. She rides him, slowly at first, while her heart pounds against his palm. The pulsing tempo increases beneath his touch as leisurely pleasure begins to turn into something more focused, more urgent. She leans forward, letting go of him only to brace her hands on his chest. He’s holding back, she can feel it, his belly tense beneath her.

When she speaks his name, it’s on a panting breath, and when his eyes open, he knows what she wants, can see it. Reaching out, his hands rest on her hips, and he looks at her one more time to be sure. When she nods, he shores up his grip and then slams into her once, hard, losing his breath at the cry of sheer pleasure it tears from her. He does it again, then again, pistoning his hips upward forcefully, quickly, driving noises from her so beautiful he’s not sure he’ll ever hear anything that could compare. He’s causing her to make those sounds, and he’ll be a damned man if he doesn’t strive to hear her as often as possible.

Jamie slows and Claire takes over, straightening her spine and beginning a pace that means she’s close; she has to be, because there’s no way in Christ’s name he’ll ever make it if not. His hands move up her body and cup around her breasts, squeezing enough to make her tighten around him involuntarily. His groan mingles with her cry of pleasure, and he wills his eyes open, needing to see her. When he does, he’s sure there’s not a better sight in all the world.

Her head is back, exposing the length of her neck, skin begging to know the imprint of his lips over and over again. Her hair sways back and forth, mussed curls seeming to tumble in all directions, and when her head falls forward, Jamie can see that she’s chasing her pleasure, forehead knit right in the center. She’s there, she’s close, and he sneaks one hand between them to touch, rolling that small bud of nerves beneath his thumb.

That’s all it takes for her to shatter, body pitching forward and nearly curling around his. Her breasts sway right before him and he doesn’t fight the urge to lean in, burying his face there. As her body tightens around his, pulling him in, his name becomes a choked cry, unable to get it out without whimpering in the middle.

She drops her hips one more time and Jamie tenses, arms wrapping around her frame. Her name is nothing more than a strangled sob as he spills into her, teeth lightly scraping her shoulder. He can feel her shaking against him but can do nothing about it; he’s not entirely sure if he’s able to move his arms and legs.

Eventually, there’s enough of a chill on cooling skin that Jamie reaches for the blankets, covering them up again. The silence between them is comfortable, and she stays right on top of him, unmoving as he begins to doze.

“You know, I’ve realized something,” she whispers, voice sleepy sounding and far away.

He hums, low in the back of his throat. “What’s that, Sassenach?”

As his fingers drag up and down her spine, she turns her head to press a soft kiss to his chest. “It’s clearly after midnight. Which means it’s technically Christmas Day.”

Opening his eyes, Jamie finds himself looking right at her, and his smile is easy, eyes alight with it.

“Well then, a nighean.” He leans in close, whispering the words across her lips, thankful for her, an unexpected gift. “Happy Christmas to ye.” He nuzzles her cheek, reaching down to playfully pinch her arse.

Her laughter fills the room, eventually carrying them to sleep.

[saltypicks]

reviewing may’s comebacks (in june, because i have shit to do)

There were a lot of comebacks this month. I guess it's summer now? No idea, there's no summer in my country. The girl groups have started coming back in full force but are not impressing. The boy groups seemed to mostly go the groovy route and now I need an adjective other than 'groovy' to describe songs.

Not The End, Highlight

I'm so glad it's not a ballad. It's not bad.

You are so beautiful, SGO

Everyday I'm grateful for the retro trend and this is a great representation.

Gray Area, Hi Cutie

At some sections I like this song (the verses and the chorus) and at others I dislike it (the trap breakdown, the middle of the chorus). I complained about MAJORS' company having no money previously but Hi Cutie's company is bankrupt. Poor nugus.

Dreamcatcher and GWSN have far superior 'Red Suns' but this song is okay and I'm happy the girls look so happy to have some work (and hopefully some money) at last.

Today, CITI

A nice midtempo song. And no, I did not hear it first from a drama OST.

Make Up Your Mind, AILEE

Sounds like a Beyonce-type song.

MALO, SHAX

Apparently this is a drama OST (Imitation, to be specific. It's based on a webtoon). Basic boy group song but it sounds like it's from the 2010s or something, and that's a compliment.

Hot Sauce, NCT Dream

Initially: Um...at least Renjun looks good? Honestly I don't know what to say about this song. NCT is a group I stan so this will definitely grow on me but...is this really not an advertisement for hot sauce? Also the set resembles the set for SHINee's Atlantis in my opinion. Now: The shouting is annoying and unnecessary. Love Chenle's voice in this; it provides a nice contrast to Haechan and Renjun. Someone said the chanting should've been left to the rappers and I fully agree. Don't know about Jisung and Jaemin but Jeno and Mark would be a good fit with a chant. In my opinion the dance break isn't really needed but is it NCT without a dance break? Also, wtf are they wearing around their necks? Someone should inform the SM stylists that less is really more.

DUN DUN DANCE, OH MY GIRL

It's light and pleasant but if this song was a meal it would be a tiny appetizer that tastes good but doesn't satiate you.

WHATEVER, KEEMBO

I didn't think I'd like it at first but this is groovy and makes me want to dance while doing my chores.

Always, VAV

Song for the fans but if you need a VAV song to listen to I recommend Gorgeous.

Hurt, Baekhyun & Seomoontak

Hasn't Baekhyun been shipped off to the army yet? Anyway, love how dramatic this is.

Waiting for Victor, 015B ft. Dawon

Another great retro song! Also the singer is cute and her hair is cute as well. She reminds me of Chuu a little.

Uncertainty Principle, 015B ft. Dawon

I prefer their other song, but this one is retro as well and it's great.

척하면 척, 강혜연 (Kang Hyeyeon)

Trot that's kind of subdued but still danceable.

Badly, SURA

Loved it from the first second.

BLACK MIRROR, ONEUS

Then: Is it good enough to make up for No Diggity? I don't know about that, but this song is groovy and I'm somewhat okay with it. Doesn't have much replay value for me though. Now: Eh, it's basic groovy boy group song but I won't skip if it comes on.

Breathe Again, BLITZERS

Another boy group with a somewhat questionable name. This song is pretty good as a debut and it's somewhat memorable. I wonder if my rating increeased because of the guitars? District 9 was the same for me, but right now it doesn't interest me. I think this song will stay for a good while on my playlist though. I like the anthemic vocals in the chorus and this song needed more of that.

EASY, WJSN THE BLACK

The girls looked good but the storyline kept getting interrupted by shots of the girls. Yes, we know they're all visuals but I'd be more interested if there was actual action and plot. The song is good objectively but doesn't really interest me. Who knows? Maybe a few more listens will change my mind.

Outerspace (ft. Loco), Kang Daniel

Groovy and better than his last two releases.

Giant, Yuqi

So nice to hear Yuqi's voice on its own. The song was fine until the chorus crushed all my love for it.

Glass of Tears, HONG JA

Appropriately dramatic for a song named 'glass of tears'. It's good and if you like trot you'll like this one.

Taste of Life, Yang Ji Eun

What do you call this? Folk trot? Whatever it's called, it's good.

LOOK AT ME, ICU

OK.

WE GO, fromis_9

It sounds like the token girl group summer song. I don't dislike it, but nothing about this song stands out to me. Honestly with a mini-album called '9Way Ticket' I expected more, because it reminds me of Nine Muses' Ticket everytime I see it. The b-side 'Airplane Mode' is pretty good though and the other one, 'Promise' is a slow song but I don't really mind it, it's fine as background music.

Next Level, aespa

Umm...what is SM's plan for these girls? How can a rookie group from the big 3 have only 3 songs? And only one is an original? The song is not the best thing ever and SM surely can do better but at least it wasn't as bad as M.A.F.I.A. aespa deserves more than this.

Ring Ring, ROCKET PUNCH

Finally after Bim Bam Bum these girls have a title track I enjoy. You can't go wrong with covering Take On Me, can you? It's no Platonic Love or Sea of Moonlight, and it certainly could have done without the rubbish trap section but it's a bop anyway. Meanwhile, the b-side Ride is great and I hope they promote it. This song would be more enjoyable if their voices weren't so shrill in the chorus. High notes aren't a necessity for good songs.

Advice, Taemin

Not the best of Taemin but it's good. I love the fast tempo of the piano and the way it drives everything. Taemin's performance also elevates this song and I'm grateful he's leaving us with a good song before going on his two-year vacation.

RUB-A-DUM, TRI.BE

They're really going all out with this 'tribe' thing, aren't they? It sounds very Middle Eastern to my ears at times, sometimes it sounds African-ish and the other times it is just typical trap kpop. DOOM DOOM TA was better and more fun. At least they got the catchy catchphrase right. Blackpink in your area who? Tri-bee da loca! The b-side 'LORO' is not much fun either. The only difference is it's Latin-influenced.

Shadow, Dreamcatcher

Typical Dreamcatcher song slowed down by a lot. It's not bad, plus it's nice to hear Dami sing. Also what is it with Korea and zombies? With the MV the song sounds a lot better but the MV distracts me. Shouldn't zombies be mindless? How do they use tools and know martial arts? Or is it just my eyes? And can that tiny gun protect anybody? Are you sure that's not a toy?

The beginning of spring, E'LAST U

Not horrible but not for me either.

Oh MAMA, BLING BLING

One of the few new ggs in a while with unfortunate names. They've clearly upgraded in terms of styling and MV budget, but their song quality is no different.

Let Me Know, PIXY

Sonically it sounds nothing like their dark concept. Actually it does sound like a dark concept, if done by a boy group. It's not bad but it's not good. The industrial-like sounds in the back are interesting but the whole song is not.

Son of Beast, TO1

TOO rebrands as TO1 with this song. It's groovy.

HAPPEN, Heize

For the first time I like a Heize song. The MV is interesting too, the story was cliche but I liked the visuals and aesthetics.

FEVER, ENHYPEN

Rhis song was from the [BORDER: CARNIVAL] mini. I listened to that mini but I remember not really liking any of the b-sides except the outro and the intro, so this is a surprise.

My Flower, Kim Jaehwan

Nice upbeat song with guitars all over it. I like it.

Corazon Perdido, Yesung (Super Junior)

Initially I wasn't going to review this because I didn't even review the title track but the final moments of this song are beautiful and it deserves a mention.

Butter, BTS

The song is smooth as its title. The MV is fine except for that ARMY thing; I cringed so hard.

Bonnie and Clyde, Yuqi

Better than the other one.

Ride, ROCKET PUNCH

This is so great and I'm glad it got its own video, even if it was just a dance video glorified as a 'Special Stage'. Now if only I could stop chuckling whenever I hear "looks rike a lainbow".

Rush Hour, GAHO

Love it, especially the guitar strumming moments and the chorus when the electric guitar comes in.

GEMINI, AB6IX

Love how the vocals don't distract from the great instrumental.

FIRST, EVERGLOW

In a comment section someone said La Di Da was a fluke and I kind of agree. Everglow returns to their usual style (chanty chorus + catchy riff repeated over and over) and this song is in the same vein as Adios. I like the chorus but the rest of the song is hard to recall. Siyeon, Aisha and Yiren are the only ones who actually look good and EU needs more lines and her blonde hair back. Also why does kpop think that moving the camera around a lot creates the illusion of motion? All it does is make me dizzy.

Like It Hot, GWSN

Sometimes I like GWSN title tracks, and sometimes I don't. I don't think much of this song, but their album is great.

Je T'aime, Joy

I love you Joy but this is boring. If it was meant to be a lullaby then SM succeeded.

Burned All Black, Kim Jaehwan

His other song is a ballad which is somewhat pleasant. Well, it was until it slowed down in the first chorus.

Purple, woo!ah!

Still not one song from woo!ah! I like.

GGOMA, Tae Ho (IMFACT) and Choi Ye Geun

Loved Choi Ye Geun's Scarecrow so I was happy to see her again. The song is groovy but the chorus sounds somewhat...empty? Love the scat at the end, should've been longer. This is also a great example of a bright boy group song. See? Upbeat and bright boy group concepts don't have to be childish.

DIAMOND, Sparkling

Another Imitation OST. I honestly doubt that there are actual kpop songs as bad as this.

7days Tension, Weeekly

Ad song. Bright and the chorus is nice.

0X1=LOVESONG (I Know I Love You), TXT feat. Seori

The angsty opening line caught my attention, then the verse after it dropped the energy. It picked up again in the chorus and pre-chorus, thankfully. It's very much pop rock, except there are no guitars in this. Doesn't stop the song from being good though.

Hello, Joy

I love Joy's voice as always but this song doesn't do much for me even though it's upbeat. A few more listens might change my mind.

Call Me, Omega III

Another Imitation OST. Doesn't do much for me, just like all the Imitation MVs. At least let us understand what your drama is about. Instead we get these random shots of what idols are supposed to be like? I don't know much about idol life but it's obvious these girls would be called nugus in real life, and I honestly doubt nugus have such nice living conditions.

No Answer, LA LIMA

Jiyeon from T-Ara is on this one. This and MALO are my favourites from the Imitation OST so far. The song is nice with a sleek catwalk vibe to it but like the rest the MV is boring.

Show Me, Tea Party

Are these the Omega III girls? Not sure but I think so. MV still boring, song doesn't interest me.

Let me go!, The Volunteers

Great rock song, I just wonder why it's all in English (I'm not complaining).

[randomguywithwords]

As The Dust Settles: Chapter 22 (Geten X Dabi Slowburn)

Chapter 22: Lost Memories

AO3 Link

Previous Chapters: 21, 20, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

–––––––––––

On Friday, Dabi found himself surrounded by four figures, recognising only one by his still-long silver hair like strands of moonlight, his hardened, battle-scarred face and calm expression. 

“This is a nice reunion. I can’t say I remember all of you – mostly because I don’t care to do so, but if Nine let you guys into his special club, you guys are likely decent.” Dabi smirked, eyeing each of them in turn. 

The rightmost one, an imposing wolf-man gave a growl. “Decent? I’ll show you decent.”

“Chimera,” Nine, to his left, spoke softly. To Dabi’s surprise, the subordinate huffed and stayed silent. Turning back to face Dabi, Nine said, “It has indeed been a while. You understand the logistics of this experiment?”

“Shigaraki put me to it, of course I do.” 

“Then let us proceed.” Nine stepped towards him, while his minions tensed up. 

“Nine, are you sure about this?” The skinny man directed a glare towards Dabi. Dabi didn’t need that to tell him they were suspicious of him. 

“I’ll be in safe hands. We will meet at the location I’ve given you all. Take care, friends.” Nine gave a wave of dismissal, and with some reluctance, the remaining three departed in silence. 

“Alright, let’s go.” Dabi pocketed his hands and began leaving the forest clearing, heading back towards Deika City. He heard Nine’s footsteps behind him. 

“Your demeanour has certainly shifted. What happened to the old Vengeance?”

“Who?”

“You, obviously.”

Dabi racked his brain, but the name didn’t ring a bell. “Well, I don’t call myself that horrible name now.”

“I’ve heard. Numerous cases of burnt corpses or piles of ashes, blue flames. They call you Dabi now. I thought it was peculiar, but it made sense when I could no longer contact your old mentor.” 

“Your squadmate.” Dabi corrected, the fact returning to his memories. As Nine’s voice entered his head, it hummed in resonance with old recollections where he had met the man in his teenagehood. He now recalled the one encounter, out of the few, where Dabi had first seen that calm, controlled countenance contort with rage, born from the ideology he stole. 

“It confused me initially. I wondered why a man you respected and perhaps even cared for would be subject to your flames. The possibilities ranged from hallucinogens to collateral damage. But no.” Nine murmured. “You killed Dabi intentionally, didn’t you?”

Dabi was silent for three seconds, the air cold as winter storms. “You were right,” Touya said. “He left me for dead, but I escaped, and then...yeah.”

Nine sighed. “How poetic. To die by his partner’s hands, as he let his squad die all those years ago. But that brings me to my other question.”

They were drawing near to civilization, weaving through pine trees and stepping over brooks. 

“Why take his name?” 

“Figure it out yourself,” Dabi said with a forceful tone of finality. “We’re almost reaching the place.” 

To his credit, Nine dropped the subject. Perhaps he did so because he needed what Shigaraki had to offer. Antagonising Dabi wouldn’t be smart.

They were reaching one of the tunnels that led to the Liberation Front’s assembly square, now empty. It was empty, likely only watched by Skeptic’s surveillance. But a few raised eyebrows is all it would draw; Skeptic was too cowardly to question Dabi’s tasks or Shigaraki’s plans. 

“Here?” Dabi heard disgust in Nine’s tone as the musty air rushed out of the opening doors. 

“Can’t let anyone see us. This is good.” Dabi shut the doors behind them. Tapping his earpiece, he said, “We’re good, Doc.”

“I’ve been waiting for a while now,” Ujiko huffed on the other end of the line. “Give me a second.”

“Have a safe trip, Nine, I’ll see you on Monday.” Dabi waved, concealing a grin. 

Nine gave a nod, before Ujiko’s teleportation took hold of his form, and Nine’s body disappeared within the swampy goo. 

Dabi leaned against the wall, feeling more memories return of the other Dabi. The first Dabi. Did I ever know his name? I don’t think he, nor Nine, ever told me. Special forces… all that secrecy. 

He felt his fire ignite on his arm out of instinct. He willed it to die, and instead, let the past engulf him. 

––––––––––

“What’s your name, kid?” 

“Touya.” I rubbed my hands out of instinct. What time is it? How long did I sleep?

“Quirk?”

“I can shoot fire.” 

“Was it you back there? The fire at that mall in the afternoon?” 

“No,” I lied. 

The stranger cocked his head. “I ain’t gonna report you to the police, kid. I’m not exactly on best terms with them myself.” 

“Are you…” The word on the tip of my tongue was like a matchstick to a fuse. 

“A villain?” He scoffed. “I just fixed you up and gave you a place to sleep for the night. Do I look like one?” 

I looked him up and down. Grey coat, green goggles on his forehead, a cigarette in his hand. “No,” I said. 

“Well, your perception needs some work.” He leaned back on the creaky folding chair. “Officially, I’m considered one, but unlike the thugs in alleys like this, I have standards. And I don’t take kids hostage, even if you’re Endeavour’s kid.” 

I backed away, my back slamming against the mouldy bricks. “How did you —“ 

“Please, a fire quirk, and recent sightings of Endeavour at the same mall that was set on fire? Don’t play dumb with me.” 

“That was his doing,” I argued. 

He took a puff and clucked his tongue. “Now you’re blaming it on your dad? Not very filial.” 

“I hate my dad.” The venom coursed through every word I spat out, which seemed to startle even the stranger.

“Hm, some spirit in you. Well, take that bravado and run off now, why don’t you?” 

“What?” 

He quirked his eyebrow. “You heard me, shoo.” 

“But…” My head drooped. “I’ve nowhere to go. I’m running away.”

“Well, you should have thought of a plan before setting fire to a mall, using that as an escape, and nearly choking to death in the flames you made.” Every word in that sentence made my skin shudder. 

I was desperate, I wanted to say, but desperation would only paint me as prey in the underbelly of society, my next stage of hell that the gods were benevolent enough to throw me into.  

“I can help you,” I decided to say, raising my head, mustering the drops of defiance in myself.

The man snorted. “How exactly does a 13 year old kid benefit me? I don’t do teams, boy.” 

“What if I beat you in a fight?” I clenched my fists, which still stung from the wounds. 

He scanned my form and the guise of confidence on my face. “Oh, so you were trained by Endeavour. I thought you were one of those prissy boys enjoying a rich life.”

My face drained of heat and colour. How did he know?

“Look, I’m not a smart guy, but I’m smarter than you. I can make my own assumptions, one of which is that I’d win you in a fight. No contest.”

“I…” My voice trailed off.

“How about this?” The man said, throwing his cigarette behind him. “You know hide and seek?” 

I frowned. “Yes. It’s a childish game.”

“I don’t think so. I think it’s one of the best strategies for its simplicity. Let’s play that game. Give me a minute, then go to the nearby park. It’s midnight, no one will see you. And if you get caught by a stray policeman, I’m not saving you again. Anyway, if you can find me, I’ll let you in. Got it?” 

I gulped, hoping this wasn’t dangerous for myself, but considering how I’d be unconscious for a couple of hours and he hadn’t done anything, I felt a sense of trust in this stranger. 

“Ok, tha – thank you. How long do I have?”

“60 seconds. Start counting.” With that, he left the alley. 

1...2...3

Ten seconds in, I wondered if he was simply leaving me as a twisted joke. How far could he run in a minute? What was his quirk anyway? 

Twenty seconds in, I contemplated scrounging this hideout for whatever I could find and running from him, but the guilt of betraying his hospitality stopped me. 

Thirty seconds in, in a moment of panic, I thought he was going to turn me in. What if people died in the fire? I would be held responsible, wouldn’t I? What if everything he said about himself being a villain was a lie?

The minute felt stretched into eternity with the unceasing torrent of worries flooding my mind. But after being frozen in one spot throughout, I heard myself say 60. Taking a deep breath, I got up and left the hideout, entering the cold night. 

––––––––––

Dabi heard the door groan open. He opened his eyes to see a familiar form, shrouded by a recognizable parka hood.

“You?” Dabi frowned. “What are you doing here?”

Geten’s form went rigid, like a burglar who had been caught by a flashlight. 

“I thought...there was a meeting,” She said. 

“And you chose to enter by this tunnel?” His tone was acidly amused. 

Geten didn’t reply for a couple of seconds. “Yes.” 

Dabi sighed. “For a lieutenant, you’re shit at lying. You were following me, weren’t you? Why would you enter an empty place where you know your entrance would be heard so goddamn clearly?” 

“You were in there for a while. I thought,” She caught herself, but relented. “I thought something happened to you. That man. He looked dangerous.”

Dabi’s breath was stuck in his throat. It was his turn to be stunned. “I was fine, alright. I’m just thinking. So, how much did you hear?” He folded his arms in annoyance, but he found it suddenly difficult to muster anger against her.

“Next to nothing, apart from your farewell. What are you doing when the Festival starts?” 

“I’ll be there during the Festival. Don’t worry.” Dabi figured Twice could simply generate a copy of him. Technically, it was the truth. 

“You’re a liar.” The emotion in her words took him aback, as if that really struck a painful chord in her. “You wouldn’t sound so reassuring. What’s going on?” 

Ugh. Shigaraki won’t be happy if I told her. 

“I’m not going to divulge this to anyone. I’ve no intention to, anyway,” She added.

“It’s just a side task, okay? You can handle the regiment just fine.”

Geten was quiet, then she spoke, “Can we continue this somewhere else?”

“Why?”

“Wouldn’t want to make the amateur mistake you did when speaking to that man.” She gestured around them. 

Ah. Dabi had an idea what she intended to say. “If you say so. Where’s a good place?” 

But Geten responded only by opening the door and motioned for him to follow. 

[thecombatbunny]

Finally made it to the part of “the next chapter” that caused a lot of controversy.

Incoming rant below.

*** SPOILER *** (Do I even need to do this for an old series?)

Korn cheats. He’s a cheater. He did the most horrible thing a person could do to their partner, right???

I had a lot of feelings about this storyline and went through something of an emotional roller coaster.

My first reaction, of course, was, WHY THE FUCK IS THIS EVEN HAPPENING?!?! All we want is for Korn and Knock to be happy because they do love each other. As the audience, we want our OTP to work out and be committed to each other. This is NOT the drama we were looking for. Korn’s homophobic shithead of a father is acceptable drama. Knock being a slacker is acceptable drama. Jay the factory worker who has it out for them is acceptable drama. These are things Korn and Knock can work on and the kind of issues that don’t really make us question their feelings for each other. 

Cheating, however, throws a huge wrench into things. Not only the fact that he cheated but the whole circumstances around it and who it was with. 

To set the stage, things are not great between Korn and Knock. Knock is angry that Korn won’t be honest with his parents about their relationship because he doesn’t want to hide anymore but he doesn’t give Korn any credit for trying to come out on multiple occasions only to be degraded and shot down. Korn’s dad is a real piece of work. Knock instead is so focused on his own gripes and drinks or games instead of supporting Korn, even when Korn just wants to spend time with him. There was one scene like that that was really just sad to watch. 

Korn is left emotionally abandoned and generally ignored, which is exactly the situation Pete, who is not only an older man but both their boss, wants and had crafted by manipulating Korn into thinking that he’s the only one who can understand him while using a story about his boyfriend who passed away to gain sympathy. 

Korn fucked up. He 100% did and he was not as strong or confident as he seemed in TWM where he stood by his feelings for Knock no matter what was happening around them; Knock being “straight” and having a girlfriend, said girlfriend’s plotting, Knock’s back and forth bullshit between hooking up with Korn then getting pissed and going back to his girlfriend. Through all of that, Korn loved Knock and told him he would accept whatever he decided. That is the Korn we loved. But here he crumbled. 

If it’s not obvious already, I’m a Korn sympathizer. I don’t condone cheating but I understand his moment of weakness and how terrible he felt right after. That moment when he walked out Pete’s door and the realization fully hit him and he hated himself. Pete made himself out to be the only one Korn could really turn to, and Korn, in a drunken moment of weakness fell for it.

Initially, it bugged me that it was Pete he cheated with and not say, his ex Mew, which would have made more sense because they have history vs Korn clearly didn’t feel anything for Pete but then I realized why that worked. As GROSS as fucking Pete was, Korn cheating on Knock with someone he had real feelings for would have been exponentially worse. 

Even at this point, I don’t doubt Korn’s love for Knock. The cheating happened because of alcohol, lack of self-confidence and self-control. Korn opted for the thing that would make him feel better now rather than look at the big picture. As hurt as Knock is, it was just sex.

On the other side of it, it’s as though the writers wanted to make Korn look extra scummy by juxtaposing his cheating with a beautiful moment of Knock coming out to his family and being happy and loving to Korn afterward when he wasn’t that way at all for the first 7 episodes. It’s like he flipped and became the perfect boyfriend specifically to contrast Korn being the worst boyfriend. 

I don’t want them to break up but cheating, no matter the circumstances, is difficult to get past so I guess we’ll see how it goes...

[propertyofnikkisthighs]

Sure Feels Right Ch. 6

Taglist: @hllywdwhre, @xxkellsvixen19xx, @desdestiny 

Warnings: None

2019

Lux couldn’t wait to show the boys the work that she had done, but she loved having something to dangle over their heads as well. Rook would hold her hand then try to sneak a peek under the bandage when he thought she was oblivious. Colson just kept asking non stop like a child if he could “please see it”. She needed them to just get on stage so she could have a moment of peace. They even bothered her during the sound check.

“Come on please?!” Rook pleaded trying to lift the bandage again. She really should stop holding his hand when she knew his game, but she really loved holding his hand.

“You will see it right after the show I promise you.” Lux replied sternly “Don’t make me stop the hand holding Rook”

“No fun!” Rook moaned sticking out his bottom lip. He did grip her hand a little tighter, clearly taking her threat seriously which caused her to chuckle. The hand holding wasn’t anything new for them, he had started that fairly early on. It started with him just squeezing her hand in passing, then he would linger for a bit before walking away, and now he would go about his business while holding her hand. She loved it even if it made working slightly difficult.

“Come on dude it’s about time to go on” Colson nodded towards the stage and pulled Lux in to kiss her temple before making his way to the stage. Rook gently squeezed her hand and started to walk away when she pulled him into a hug.

“Kick ass tonight.” She said and placed a kiss to his cheek before walking away. He touched his cheek where he lips had been and rubbed the spot that now felt on fire. He turned to see her high fiving and hugging the other guys and he felt his heart skip a beat. She was amazing, he thought as he made his way to the stage.

Rook looked amazing singing along to “Shout At The Devil”, but she was slightly biased as it was one of favorite songs. She wouldn’t admit it to any of them, but it was also her favorite part of their current set because it showcased the multiple talents of the boys. When Colson had suggested the switch up during the planning of the tour she had been a big pusher for it. Well and Casie who pretty much was the creative force behind this whole album. She made eye contact with Rook as he finished up and ran to get on his drums again and he sent a wink her way. These two were ridiculous, she thought fondly shaking her head.

The show seemed to be ending and Lux hollered along with the crowd to show how proud she was of her boys. Rook and Colson beelined their way to Lux both talking a mile a minute.

“Okay the show is over and we fucking killed it. Present the wrist!” Rook demanded picking her up and spinning her.

“Rook I can’t show you anything up here and you’re so sweaty put me down!” Lux laughed trying to regain her balance after the drummer set her down.

“Sorry sorry” He smiled wide and warm and it gave her confirmation that she had made the right decision.

“Now understand that these tattoos-”

“TATTOOS?! AS IN PLURAL?” Colson interrupted.

“As I was saying,” she continued ignoring the interruption. “They are my choice. I don’t want to hear any negative comments about how I could regret them, hypocrites” They made fun of her last tattoo for weeks because it was a simple rose.

She slowly removed the bandage to show a small set of three tattoos starting at her wrist and going a little down her forearm. An anarchy symbol, the double x’s, and a small rook adorned her arm with words around it that they couldn’t make out.

“Die autem thronus tuus erit firmus” Lux read to them with a smile pulling at the corners of her lips “It means ‘the dynasty will never die’ you know like in “The Gunner”?’

Rook was speechless. Nobody had gotten a tattoo that specifically had him in mind. He was etched into her skin forever right along with the double x’s for EST. She could’ve just done that, but instead she included personal tattoos for him and Colson. 

“Well…...say something” Lux shuffled seeming embarrassed now.

“I...this means so much Lux” Colson began voice cracking a bit before he recovered and flashed a big smile at her “You’re stuck with us for life now”

“You two were always going to be in my heart forever. This is now just a reminder that I have a whole new family for life” A blush crept across her cheeks as she said in so few words that she loved them.

Rook just grabbed Lux and held her in his arms for a little bit. It was probably the tightest hug she had ever received. He was hoping the hug would say the words he couldn’t muster up the courage to say to her. 

“Thank you” he whispered against the side of her head as he pressed a kiss there before letting her go. She was in his heart now forever too and he wouldn’t want it any other way.

2018

Rook was such an idiot. How did he think this wasn’t the most obvious shit? He was horrible at planning.

“You told her to run errands all day and show up ready to go out at nine pm?!” Ash groaned her annoyance palpitable.

“I didn’t know how to get her out of the house!” Rook threw his hands in the air in defence. He had never planned a surprise party for anyone before, what was he supposed to do?

“Could be worse” Colson snickered. “He could have given her a scavenger hunt. Now those things are really obvious.”

“Just cause it could be worse doesn’t mean this is better. Look let’s just hope Lux doesn’t use her brain today and is surprised. I have to go get her cake, please don’t fuck this up. That means you too Pete” and with that Ash was out the door.

“Fuck did I do?” Pete asked looking between Rook and Colson. The boys burst into laughter and continued to set up the house for Lux’s surprise party.

Rook positioned the “Happy Birthday” balloons how Ash had instructed him for people to take pictures standing in front of them. Ash called the friend/photographer they had coming to take pictures early of the set up before drunk people destroyed the house and decorations. The nervous energy in him was building the more time that passed and the less there was to do in order to prepare. It felt as if time were moving too slow and too fast at the same time.

“Stop pacing dude you’re gonna make me sick” Pete laughed from his position on the couch.

“I just want her to feel special and shit, but not overwhelmed.” The party was Rook’s idea initially, however Colson and Ash came up with most of the decor for tonight. He had just seen how much fun she had at Colson’s birthday party and he figured she deserved the same treatment.

“Smoke this and chill the fuck out dude. She’ll love it, this is Lux we’re talking about man.” Colson said having finished rolling a joint for them. Rook lit the end of it hoping that the weed would help calm his nerves.

9:00 PM rolled around faster than he thought it would after they smoked a couple joints. They waited in the house with most of the lights off so that things weren’t too suspicious, but she also wouldn’t be able to see any decorations. They heard her enter the house and shut the front door behind her. All of them holding their breath.

“Hello?” Lux called out flicking on some of the lights.

“SURPRISE!!” Everybody yelled at once earning a squeal and a smile ten miles wide from the small girl. Rook let out a shaky breath and smiled, he had pulled it off.

Lux was trashed. She was giggling up a storm and hugging and hanging on anybody that would let her. Rook alternated between goofing around with Colson and Pete and watching her just interact with people at the party. She was in her element, with people is where she thrived, Rook was so busy thinking about her he didn’t notice her walking in his direction.

“Hey handsome” She slurred giving him a playful smile.

“Hey drunky” He laughed returning the smile. She reached out and grabbed his hand holding it to her face.

“I heard this was your idea” She said quietly.

He gulped. “Yes it was, I thought you deserved a party too. Just like Colson.”

“No one has ever thrown me a surprise party before now” She had a look of concentration on her face and he could hear his heart beating in his ears in anticipation of what she was going to say. She opened her mouth and closed it again deciding against saying what she was thinking.

“Well you keep us alive so I would say you have earned a surprise party.” Rook chuckled “Since you’re usually organizing our parties” He took the opportunity to pull her closer to him in a hug and was relieved when she hugged him back.

“I keep you alive because you guys make me feel alive” She mumbled into his shoulder.

“What was that?” Rook felt his ears getting hot at her confession.

“Mmm you boys are the best thing to have happened to me. Like ever.” Lux looked up at him with glossy, dreamy eyes and he became putty in her hands. If she would have asked for his soul at that moment he would have found a way to give it to her. Then suddenly she leaned back and fixed him with a stare of determination.

“What?” He questioned suddenly uneasy. She smiled wide again and leaned back into the boy wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him into a tight hug. She turned her head to the side and placed a small kiss to his cheek lingering for a moment before pulling away from him and making her way back to the kitchen. His cheek felt like it was burning where her lips had been, his hand flying up to touch the spot her lips had been just seconds before. He quickly downed the rest of his beer and went to find Colson and Pete. He had to get this girl off his mind before he made a move and potentially fucked up everything.

[seddm]

STARCO OVERVIEW - Season 2 (part 2/2)

SEASON 1

SEASON 2 (part 1) (part 2)

SEASON 3 (Incoming)

SEASON 4 (Incoming)

RAID THE CAVE (2x15a)

Bonbon The Birthday Clown was a huge moment of change for Star, her first real loss, something that forced her to start facing her responsibilities: from this moment until the end of the season she’s mostly going to be on a solo-growth time roll, with Marco’s direct influence on her being minimal: he’s still going to be with her in many episodes, and he’s even going to give her some advice in episodes like The Bounce Lounge or Collateral Damage, but there aren’t going to be moments like Mr. Candle Cares or Game of Flags until next season. This doesn’t mean that the two are going to be any less close, and until Just Friends Star is going to be none the wiser about her crush, so it’s not correct to talk about a fracture between the two dorks as a consequence of Jarco happening, but it’s also undeniable that the series wanted for Star to make more solo-experiences during S2B. This is what I talked about several times before: during S1 and early S2 Marco had a huge influence on Star, and Star had a huge influence on Marco, helping each other grow and develop (in several ways, but we can sum it up, for the sake of simplicity, to “be more responsible and thinking more about things” and “get out of his comfort zone more and be more open to taking risks”). Bonbon The Birthday Clown is an episode of important change for both of them, and from here on Star is going to slowly start putting all the accrued development to good use (stopping running away from problems as much, trying to be a princess in her own way in S3), and Marco is going to VERY slowly start doing the same (moving to Mewni in S3, realizing his feelings for Star).

All this introduction was needed to reiterate once more that less Star and Marco moments from now onward, especially in the rest of S2, absolutely doesn’t equal to Starco being less important to the show, or to the characters. It just means that both main characters were finally ready to realistically start to be more active in their growth process, thus allowing the writers to explore other kind of interactions and development arcs.

Getting to the actual episode now, the segment immediately opens on a recurring theme: Marco putting Star over Jackie, leaving her hanging for his bestie’s sake. This is clearly a horrible way to put it, and we now have canon confirmation from Jackie herself that Marco was an average, standard boyfriend to her, but ti tells us something important about commitment. This is the core of why Jarco couldn’t work, why Tomstar isn’t going to work, and even the main answer to the question “Did Starco truly have to be romantic?”: we have repeatedly been shown that Star and Marco are vastly more committed to each other than to any other person in their lives, ultimately putting each other before anyone else. 

The monsters in this episode like Star on account of her ideas and different ways of being a princess, of doing things her own way. Which is exactly what Marco told her in Mr. Candle Cares. And this is going to lead to her trying to unite Mewmans and Monsters, and Marco is the one who first opened her up to the idea in Lobster Claws and Mewnipendence Day. Again, it’s not that everything good Star does is thanks to Marco (nor vice versa), but he was the catalyst who complemented her qualities and characteristics, helping her become the best version of herself - something that still clearly required a lot of self work and interactions with other people.

During this episode Marco gives Star good advice, per se: being honest about what happened with her parents, and not making the situation any worse. And yet, that’s not really what Star needs now, as Glossaryck tells her - what she needs now is to face her mistakes and try to make up for them, truly accepting her responsibilities for the first time. Was Marco wrong? Is he suddenly not a good advice giver anymore? No, it’s simply an effect of the focus on solo-growth for Star in this part of the season I mentioned earlier: in this moment Star outpaced Marco in maturity, and it’s going to take him until Sophomore Slump to catch up, so there’s some sort of “disconnection” between her current position in life and his advice. Star started (slowly) walking toward “maturity”, and Marco was left for some episodes with a different point of view.

This is more of a story structure element than a statement about Marco, it’s clear that he still deeply understands and relates to Star, but if we look at the larger picture Star’s Second Act began with Bonbon, while Marco is going to lad behind in his First Act until Sophomore Slump.

TRICKSTAR (2x15b)

An episode full of foreshadowing for Star’s emotions at the end of the season and for her to mature enough to accept how things are going to go (you can’t be happy all the time, you have to face unpleasant things because turning a blind eye to them is worse, happy times are eventually going to follow sad times once again, all that jazz), but it doesn’t really involve Starco to any extent that’s not three layers of separation away.

Star launching herself to protect Marco from Praeston as soon as she sees him crying being all worried about him being sad is medicine for the soul.

And Marco saying this is almost certainly just a gag and maybe, just maybe, a sign of the relative lack of insight on maturity I mentioned in the previous segment, but it’s ironic given that the series is essentially going to end with both of them going “love is the answer” and the magic that is love being very real and saving their asses. 

BABY (2x16a)

Once more, you guessed it, a mostly solo-growth episode for Star, like most in this part of the season. Important episode bla bla Star looks finally excited about doing magic stuff out of her own initiative but gets slammed down hard because she lacks basic Glossaryck was right in saying that she has her own way to learn blabla first signs of maturity but also always doing things her own personal ways, failing while forced to do things by the book but getting new, incredible results in ways no one would have expected when free to do things her own way, usual individuality stuff.

Marco helping Star with Baby by dutifully making food is cute and certainly one more page in the long book of “Marco makes Star’s stressful life a bit more overwhelming” moments, but it doesn’t get any particular relevance in the episode.

On the other hand what’s interesting is that what pushes Star over the edge, helping her to “channel strong emotions” and create a new spell, is fear over having to leave Earth. Obviously it’s not just “leaving Marco”, Star has many reasons to like being there and the scene itself doesn’t involve her bestie in any extent. But it’s mostly about Marco. It’s obvious that it’d be reductive to consider that he’s the only Earth thing Star cares about, but narratively speaking it essentially is - in S3 Earth barely gets mentioned at all as soon as Marco moves to Mewni, he’s the symbol for what “second home on Earth” means to Star.

And if it wasn’t clear enough already, Star’s spell uses both “colors” of magic, pink and green, and it first splits the apple in two (cleaving it apart), to then make the seeds sprout, giving it new life (cleaving it together, we might say). The theme of unity, of something new and better being born from two different elements meeting, is constant throughout the show, and we now know that it’s all going to culminate in Star and Marco meeting once again in their new dimension, to be always together.

Look how worried Marco is about knowing whether Star can stay his voice is so expectant he’s so cute they’re so cute I love them so much

Remember when S1 hammered the idea that Marco was so important and “formative” to Star because he was the first person she met who truly trusted her and didn’t see her as an irresponsible mess up? Yeah it’s still there, and it’s always beautiful.

RUNNING WITH SCISSORS (2x16b)

Getting Star's scissors back is certainly part of Marco's motivation here, since he would definitely go to such extremes to avoid damaging Star, but honestly the episode is more of a solo-growth one for Marco: Star, and her importance to Marco, play a fundamental role in it obviously, but his decision to not back down and go home is more connected to his tenacity and willingness to go all the way in once he sets his mind on something, rather than specifically to get Star's scissors back itself. That's both Marco's greatest quality, and one of his main flaws when it degenerates into tunnel vision.

This is a weird episode. Marco spends more time living in the Neverzone than he did on Earth his whole life, and yet Running With Scissors doesn't change him at all. He doesn't get any tangible moment of growth or development from this, needing until Sophomore Slump to enter the next stage of his character arc (even if it's clearly important for the scissors, for Nachos, for his fighting skills...). And yet, it's an important episode: we know from the beginning of the season that Marco's greatest fear in life is lagging behind, wasting his life without finding a goal. In this episode an "alternate" version of Marco finds in adventuring a reason to be, something that fulfills him, and for 16 years he doesn't worry about anything else. But it's an incomplete life, by shedding all of his responsibilities and social connections Marco lost in maturity what he gained in freedom. And it's Star who snaps him out from this "fantasy" - a good one, but a limited and limiting one.

The scene is constructed to give Star's "Or... me?" part emphasis, and Marco deeply reacts to it.

The scissors imagery is particularly powerful, as it has multiple layers: there's the usual symbolism for "dimensions meeting", since the scissors are what allowed for Star and Marco to meet and completely change each other lives (and with Cleaved in hindsight we know how hugely important this theme is), and the theme of union in general is important to the show (it might not be a coincidence for this segment to have been paired with Baby, which ended with a similar theme); but there's also this idea of Marco's lonely reflection gaining something once he open the blades, showing Star as well: living a life of adventures is not worth it without all his loved ones. Cleaved apart, cleaved together. Marco gives up on something, this easy life he built for himself in the Neverzone, to gain something that's vastly more important to him, being with Star once more. Obviously it's not just Star, but she's the main symbol for it (and honestly given the series finale it might has well have been just Star): Marco feels content right now, the days of being a sweaty and anxious teen with no clear goal in life are a distant memory, but can he actually be happy and fulfilled without Star? No, obviously not. So he goes back.

And once home Star essentially gives exposition on what I just said, and what Marco thought just mere scenes earlier, probably mostly in an unconscious way. Sure, he has to go through the pains and uncertainties of growing up once again, but this time they'll be together. This is a gem of a scene that often goes unnoticed, essentially Star's version of Marco's speech in Mr. Candle Cares, since in both cases one of the dorks manages to give the other dork a new perspective on their biggest fear (not having choices about her future, not knowing what he wants to do in his future), helping them during a hard time. It's clear that Star deeply understands Marco, even if she usually helps him in practical or indirect ways, rather than delivering speeches like this.

Bonus: Marco's face lights up and immediately goes from gruff buff adventurer to excited kid as soon as he sees Star, wanting to tell her all about the past years like a kid recounting his Summer vacations. Should be clear enough which of his two lives is more important to him.

THE BOUNCE LOUNGE (2x17b)

Not really an important episode, just a lot of foreshadowing for the “end” of Star’s carefree days by the end of the season. Marco’s line here is mostly for that, it’s not really an important less nor something that helps Star figure things out in the context of the episode. If we reeeeally want we could see a connection between accepting that things have to end eventually and the “at least we have good memories from the past!” at the end of the episode with Star’s behavior in Scent of a Hoodie, but it’s kind of a stretch given that Star would have never truly accepted not being Marco’s friend again so it doesn’t properly fit as a parallel.

If you needed a reminder that Star helps Marco get out of his comfort zone and make new experiences that he often ends up liking...

HEINOUS (2x19a)

Just a quick note: even if it’s been a while since Marco called Star the coolest girl he knows, it’s clear that he genuinely appreciates her personality and individuality (see Mr. Candle Cares), and this is particularity important since he’s currently donning his Turdina identity, someone who became a paragon of freedom to express yourself to princess all over the multiverse, and he’s currently essentially telling Star that she’s, to him, the archetype of what a strong princess is. If that’s not love I don’t know what it is.

COLLATERAL DAMAGE (2x20a)

Star immediately seeking Marco’s advice to understand what she did is cute, but we were robbed of a moment of understanding and emotional connection. Stupid Otis.

JUST FRIENDS (2x20b)

After Bonbon The Birthday Clown and right before Face the Music, the tradition of songs highlighting the characters’ emotional state continues. I’m not going to analyze the lyrics of the song because their message is extremely clear, and it’s not like there’s a clear subdivision of verses between Star and Marco: clearly the whole concept of being “just friends” because it was too late for feeling to be revealed relates to Marco being with Jackie and Star liking him, but other than that the song generically talks about the reality of Star and Marco’s relationship. Taunting us viewers. It’s clearly way too early to talk about “love” as in full romantic love by this point, but it’s also clear that Star and Marco’s relationship is characterized by an incredible amount of care for each other which is visible to everyone. And yet.

Hahaha see it’s fun because the episode puts a lot of emphasis on the concept of being “friends”, something that has always been super important to Star, but by the end of it she’s going to be deeply hurt by Marco seeing her just as a friend, realizing that she would have wanted something more. Haha so much fun.

In a single scene we get reminders for several of the important elements in Star and Marco’s relationship:

Star helps Marco with Jackie, still acting as his “wing(wo)man” and pushing him out of his comfort zone

Star is still blissfully unaware of how much Marco dating Jackie is going to hurt her, there’s complete disconnection between what the Heart wands and what the Mind thinks it wants right now, and she’s going to delude herself until she literally sees his bestie smooching someone who is not her

Marco still thinks that Star is supercool, and he’s worried that Jackie is going to realize that he’s not at her level: when I talked about Sleep Spells I said that Star and Marco’s conversation on the roof essentially solved forever Marco’s feeling of inferiority compared to Star, but I forgot about this detail. It’s a very specific situation, but right now Marco feels “not enough”, and Star clearly comforts him 

And the next morning Star keeps being extremely “delicate” with Marco, doing her best to put him at ease. Because showing Star being particularly close and enamored with her bestie minutes before getting her heart shattered is cool!

And then, to make things EVEN funnier, later in the episode Star is about to go comfort a dejected Marco, doing what she has done many times before, but Jackie is faster and she “replaces” her. It’s obvious that Jackie never replaced Star in Marco’s life in any extent, it’s just a detail in this specific scene to better build up the mood and themes for the climax.

Haha isn’t if fun that for the whole episode Marco worries about being the third wheel between Star and Jackie, but at the end it’s actually Star who is going to feel terribly, hauntingly alone?

I don’t want to post too many screenshots, but the first part of the concert... well, it speaks for itself, with Marco sitting between the two important girls in his life, being confused when Jackie grabs his hand, and confused when Star grabs his other hand, but then getting into it.

I might be over reading too much into the boarders intentions here, but I think that Star’s expression in the first screen might fit with the idea that she has always been the one to push Marco intro trying new things, into “letting loose”, but this time Jackie “replaced” her, once again. Since this segment was boarded by the same artists who worked on The Bounce Lounge, which featured a similar “let loose and dance!” scene, it might not be too out there as an interpretation. Anyway, it’s a minor detail, the general vibe of the whole scene is heart crushingly clear.

For most of the song the shot focuses exclusively on Star and Marco goofing around, lypsynching like at the beginning of the episode: it’s their song, and that’s what they usually do. This is a friendship moment, and Marco obviously defaults to Star for it. But then the song gets into the “romantic” part, and the camera moves to Jackie and Marco: Star is just a friend, and as such she doesn’t get to take part in this special part of the night. Just like she said in Blood Moon Ball, this is a “different kind of fun”, and she’s not invited.

 And in full “you don’t know what you want until you lose it” fashion, it’s also the moment she realizes that she’d have killed to be invited to the smooching Marco kind of fun.

Second instance of Marco prioritizing Star over Jackie, he interrupts a making out session because he notices that she’s not there anymore and gets worried. It’s clear that Heart VS Mind is true for Marco as well, even if his feelings are way less definite by this point of the show. His first instincts still always put Star at the first place, but when it’s not an “emergency” moment anymore he’s not mature enough to properly recognize that she truly is the most important person to him. We’ll see this especially well in S3: during The Battle For Mewni he’s not going to hesitate in following her, risking his against Ludo and Toffee, but once the danger is over and his Mind takes control once again he goes back to Earth, without acknowledging Star’s confession, because still convinced that Jackie / Earth life were what he wanted. This scene here in Just Friends is a small taste of it.

Sadly Marco doesn’t have a clue, and Star hides her sadness, and she gets rewarded with a “you’re the best friend��. As I mentioned earlier, the episode opens up with Star and Marco being mutually happy to call each other besties, but ends with Star being crushed inside by being considered just a friend by Marco.

MORE SONG SYMBOLISM!

FACE THE MUSIC (2x21)

“How come Star doesn’t seem distraught over her crush for Marco, and why is she acting normally with him?” well, there are three layers of explanation:

The show is very compartmentalized

Star is super good at being in denial, as we’re going to see in Starcrushed when she claims that she’s over her crush fro Marco

The good ol’ usual “feelings are confused”: in Just Friends Star certainly realized what she truly wanted, but as far as her character arc goes it wasn’t the same as outright admitting her crush to herself. Which is just a form of denial more connected to the structure of the story: in the previous segment Star finally makes a connection between what she wants and why she feels like that, but it’s not the same thing as fully going, even just internally, “Ok I like Marco romantically”. It’s clearly confused if we dissect the whole matter like this, but it’s how the whole show operates when it comes to feelings, and it’s the difference between Star being ok around Marco here, and Star being a complete mess in Scent of a Hoodie.

This being said, once again we see Marco appreciating Star’s individuality and uniqueness, which deeply relates to her wanting Song Day to be special, crafted around her personality.

Was this hug alone enogh to turn Ruberiot into a Starco shipper and convince him that he needed to add a part about Star’s romantic life to his song, or did Star go on and on saying stuff about Marco while they were working on it later in the episode, offscreen? We can’t know and it’s not that important, but I choose to believe that a single hug was enough to make this genius of an artist understand just how much love there’s between these two. No bias here. No bias at all.

Also please note the penguins on the screen foreshadowing the end of Starcrushed - one goes away and the other one is left sad, alone.

Look at Marco, trying to move out of the way to make it clear that he’s not Royal Family, as if he’s not going to be part of it one day! They won’t be royal anymore by then though, admittedly.

Star spills the beans about her own failures during the season, feeling like it was the right thing to do. She starts owning up to her own mistakes, facing her problems instead of running away. But then the part about her crush on Marco comes up, and by the end of the episode she literally runs away: obviously as far as stakes go Star’s development arc in this part of the show culminates in accepting that she has to go to Mewni to defend it, and defeating Toffee is the ultimate test of maturity that allows her to enter the second part of her story. But accepting her feelings for Marco, confessing her crush, is symbolically the last step in her journey toward learning to face her problems and not running away from unpleasant facts. It’s the key to everything, not because there is ONLY Marco and Starco, obviously, but because he’s the single most important thing to Star, and by far what influenced her the most over the first half of the series. So by Face the Music Star is almost there, she has almost reached this first important checkpoint, but she can’t quite get to it until she embraces her crush for Marco. 

Because he’s important.

Because Starco is important. 

"Star Butterfly is in love with her best friend”. Now, obviously this is a song so lyrics are limited by what goes well with the rhythm, but the idea of best friends making the best lovers is incredibly important to the show, so while it’s extremely possible that it wasn’t specifically on purpose in this case I always like the association of “best friend” and “love”. We’ll have plenty of time to talk about it during S3.

STARCRUSHED (2x22)

While the episode is mostly solo Marco and solo Star moments, with little actual Starco interactions being formative or leading to development, I’m still going to go over more or less all of it, since most scenes can be directly reconnected to Star’s crush on Marco, which is directly connected to Star’s S2 arc, to the point that the climaxes of the two “storylines” end up overlapping in Star’s confession to Marco.

The idea of wanting things to go back “to normal”, to how they were once, is going to characterize the whole Starco romance arc: these two idiots, until Here to Help, are always going to think, to some extent, “oh no, having a crush on your best friend is weird and it can change things and maybe they’d get worse and maybe he/she doesn’t feel the same!”, and wish to go back to feeling nothing but platonic feelings of friendship for the other. It happens here, it’s going to be a theme in Booth Buddies (and for most of S3 with the idea of Marco trying to reframe his whole approach to being Star’s friend), it’s going to happen in Curse of the Blood Moon. Obviously things can’t go back to how they were because, as Marco said in Here to Help, they have always been like that. Not as in love at first sight obviously, took months and months for “romance” to start consciously becoming an element in the equation of their relationship, but as in a special kind of connection that was doomed since the first moment to evolve into something more. Essentially Star and Marco were always only able to either go forward in their relationship, or stagnate (with all the tensions and sudden heat-of-the-moment kissing that resulted from it): regressing was never an option, nor something that either of them ACTUALLY wanted (usual Heart VS Mind: worrying about feeling being “in the way”, while still wanting to forever be at her side in her pocket).

At the beginning of the episode Star shows marked improvements compared to her old self, and actually tries to force herself to face the problem, while Jackie pushes Marco to do the same - by leaving them some time, but it’s still quite a little bit too early: Star’s seeing the goal, but she still need some last pushes, and so nothing comes out of it, they’re both too embarrassed to talk.

Star sees a picture of a fun day with Marco then (ignore the “photo from the future” plot for now, it clearly wasn’t planned at the time, or at the very least not relevant to the messages and themes in this episode), and she’s reminded of how important her friendship with Marco is, and gets frustrated at the idea of losing it over some awkwardness, and calls her friends for help.

(idea of things “going back to normal” once again) said friend are actually a bad influence on Star though, dragging her to a party, reinforcing her tendency to avoid problems and confrontations proposing her an alternative distraction.

The party doesn’t convince Star, who is about to go back home: clearly her relationship with Marco is not the kind of problem she wants to ignore, and she can’t bring herself to just run away from it... until she notices Oskar.

Oskar is kind of a litmus test for Star’s growth: she had been drooling over him for two seasons, but she’s largely uninterested now. Even when he essentially tries to hit on her, and make plans to “hang out” over the Summer, Star looks uneasy at worst about the situation, and unconvinced at best. What changed? Star’s infatuation with Oskar was a symbol of her old self: Greason, the bad boy with a record who abides to no rules, lives in his car, and rejects all responsibilities and problems. The perfect man for Star “I love Freedom and Individuality More than Anything” Butterfly, right? But then Star grew and we got a number of episodes teaching her the importance of facing problems and accepting your responsibilities and that rules can be important at times and aren’t necessarily antithetic to fun, and this new Star isn’t actually interested in him anymore.

Star tries to latch to this, and to Oskar, in a last attempt at denial, at “replacing Marco”, as Oskar himself implies.

Meanwhile something similar happens with Marco (even if it’s way less clear in his case, and it’s going to take until Sophomore Slump to get any real payoff, while it’s immediate by the end of the episode in Star’s case): Jackie encourages him to stop worrying about Star and enjoy a Summer of nothing (please note: Jackie absolutely not a bad influence on Marco - just a couple of scenes ago she tried to give him and Star some time to talk things out, this is an isolated case to set a parallel between the dorks).

Also in the following scene we get Marco’s version of “I’d make a great Mango”: he deludes himself into thinking that Jackie is his partner in crime, trying to find a “replacement” to Star in this moment of deep emotional stress and tension. Obviously it’s something unconscious, it’s the first, smaller version of “You’re my best friend!” from Sophomore Slump: Marco’s Mind trying to convince his Heart that Jackie is who he truly wants, and the symbol for the kind of life he wants - a calm, easy life on Earth. But this is premature, I’ll talk about this during S3: in this specific episode what matters is that Jackie is not Marco’s partner in crime to any extent, and that Rafael’s words remind Marco of what should have been the basis of Star and Marco’s relationship from beginning to end but hasn’t been for long stretches of time when romance was involved.

Right now both Star and Marco are convinced that they have to talk things out, but as we’re about to see in a moment they aren’t quite ready to go all the way in with it. Third instance of Marco leaving Jackie hanging for something connected to Star (after Raid the Cave and Just Friends), too many not to be something they wanted viewers to notice, and it’s perfectly in line with the important theme of commitment.

Star takes Marco by the hand to gently lead him to a quieter place to talk, instead of dragging him by the wrist as the usually (not always, this is not the first time she grabs his hand, but it’s clearly a different context), and Marco stares at their hands, almost in disbelief. We get the same kind of scene in Here to Help. Hand holding is apparently symbolic for romance in this series (Marco mentions being ashamed of never having held a girls’ hand in Naysaya, in Demoncism and Kelly’s World the episode closes on the new couples holding hands, in Curse of the Blood Moon Star and Marco holding hands is a symbol for them falling in love, Mama Star and Here to Help we get the came focusing on Star holding Marco’s hand and they’re scenes eventually leading to Starco becoming fully canon).

Short digression about things that are going to be explored better in future seasons: isn’t it fun? Both this episode and Booth Buddies put a lot of emphasis on “things being different”, but then in Here to Help, when Marco can finally be entirely honest with himself and with Star, he says that things have essentially been the same since the beginning, just with an ever increasing intensity: feelings needed time to grow, absolutely, but there has never been a single, clear moment that suddenly made things different. See, this is why Marco’s “You don’t just fall in love at first sight” line is extremely important, because it confirms that Marco and Star’s relationship has been a linear journey from the beginning. It’s not that one day they suddenly stopped being just friends and became more, borders are confused, the feelings have always been there but needed time to grow and change and gain new connotations. Obviously the “Mind” part of their awareness about said feelings has clearly identifiable changes in specific episodes, it’s obviously needed for the structure of a TV show and for the characters arcs, but “in universe” it’s not that things started being different from a specific point in time, it’s just that the feelings became intense enough to scare Star and Marco into wanting for things to go backward. Cowards.

Anyway, Marco is obviously worried about the possibility of Star having a crush on him, Star can’t muster the courage to confess AND she’s possibly even truly slipping back into denial, thinking “Eh, I have Oskar now for the Summer, I’ll be happy with that and I won’t have to focus on Marco and things won’t be weird anymore between two of us, right?”, and they both put emphasis on being friends. Just friends, nothing more.

It’s easy to understand what worries Star and Marco, influencing their actions when it comes to romance until the end: fear of change, fear that their feelings might be in the way of friendship. And in the meantime the show spends seasons telling us viewers “look, the best romance is born from friendship, and Star and Marco’s love is just a side of their friendship! They should embrace it and it would be beautiful!” but nope, takes them until the end.

After this talk, Star is deep in denial: she’s latching to this idea of “Summer” as a panacea there to solve all her problems. She thinks that she actually fixed things with Marco, and she’s evidently trying to delude herself into thinking that hanging out with Oskar could actually serve as a bandaid for her unaccepted, unexpressed, unreciprocated feelings (and she’s barely buying it herself, apparently).

The idea of being able to make choices is extremely important and it goes all the way back to Marco’s speech to her in Mr. Candle Cares, but it’s applied in the worst of ways here.

But then she gets told that she has to go back to Mewni, possibly for a long time, possibly even dying in a dangerous fight with Toffee, it’s impossible to know exactly what Star thought in that moment beyond “I might never see Marco again”, and the Summer illusion comes crashing down. And she’s forcefully reminded of what (who) is actually important to her, and voilà, the last step is Star’s S2 Arc, “stop running away from problems” is complete. By accepting her crush on Marco and owning up to it, no matter how painful it is, she also accepts her duties as princess of Mewni and the burden of her family’s history.

This is what I meant when I said, at the beginning of this episode, that the two storylines of the season end up overlapping in the confession: Star starts becoming an actual princess and actually and actively being involved with the history of Mewni (leading to her arc in S3) when she stops running away from the greatest problem she had at the time, her crush on her best friend.

Pretending that a problem is not there doesn’t make it go away, and it’s clearly relevant to feelings as well and it’s true for Star here as it’s going to be true for Marco in Lava Lake Beach as it’s going to be true for both of them for the rest of the show, to some extent, sometimes more consciously, sometimes less. From this point onward feeling are never going to truly go away for Star, even through S3 and Tomstar: the disconnection between Heart and Mind, how conscious the dorks are about their feelings, how painful they get, how distracted by other things they are, how strong the “romance” part is over the platonic one, all these elements are going to fluctuate over the show; but the intensity of their feelings is going to steadily and linearly grow, as Marco ultimately evidences in Here to Help. They never go away.

Being upfront and honest with your friend is important, and it’s a recurring theme in the show (foreshadowed in All Belts Are Off in recent times, clearly central to the episode in Booth Buddies), and yet for the rest of the show it’s going to be so hard and so rare for the teens to be completely and entirely honest with each other and, most of all, with themselves. And the moment one of them finally is - Marco in Mama Star, everything clicks in place and they can finally, easily solve months worth of tensions (and years worth of suffering for us viewers).

Hard to tell if Star is crying here just out of sadness for having to go away, or if Marco’s inability to answer anything to her confession, tell her anything at all, played a role. We still know from S3 that Marco’s silence hurt her, a lot, but that probably includes all the time spent together on Mewni after Toffee’s defeat as well, so it’s not that relevant right now.

But Marco’s inability to answer by itself, now that’s relevant. An expected reaction obviously - he was in front of Jackie to booth, but still one that, in the context of fictional narrative, clearly evidences how unready for this kind of thing Marco was - as I mentioned he started lagging behind Star in terms of character development and maturity after Naysaya, and won’t catch up until Lint Catcher.

To conclude the post and the season, a heart warming shot full of “magic disappears from Marco’s life” imagery. Obviously Star isn’t gone forever, magic isn’t gone from Marco’s life, and everything she meant to him is still there, but after most of a season focused on Star’s perspective we get this last scene focusing on Marco’s one, with the feeling of emptiness brought by the departure of the one person who completely changed his life for better (when I say “bringing magic in it” I mean it in a broader sense, not strictly THE Magic).

Fun stuff.

[selfshipstuff]

Love Tropes Asks: Michael

ok that’s it

im just gonna go fucking Ape Shit Feral. no asks necessary BINCH

prompts from this post

answers got long af so the rest are under the Read More

Aborted Declaration of Love

We both just kind of suffer for a while, quietly trying to get up the courage to say something, but he’s really shy, and I’m impatient with myself, so I’m the one mostly initiating it-- and it ends up with a bunch of accidental awkward silences where I’m like, obviously trying to tell him something (even he can tell) but I lose my nerve at the last second and just sort of nervously laugh it off. Eventually, I do confess, and I actually wrote a confession fic here. 

It went well enough!! We’re both just a bundle of nerves and anxiety, so it’s sort of clunky, but it goes well. :)

Accidental Hand-Hold

At first we don’t even notice, probably, because technically the first hand-holding to occur is most likely during a team fight-- when one of us is helping the other off the ground or pulling the other out of harm’s way. In the moment, we don’t think anything of it, focused on the situation and all; later, though? Oh my god, the realizations... the blushy tossing and turning in bed, staring at the ceiling and yearning....

My first purposeful hand-hold is actually before we’re together: I tend to do that thing where like, when comforting someone or starting a serious conversation, you take their hands in yours. It’s just sort of... grounding, and intimate, and like... I don’t know, it just feels right. Once we’re together, I love to take his hand and kiss the back of it at random while we’re holding hands. (He always gets so flustered, it’s adorable!)

The first time Michael moves to hold my hand is probably sometime around the time of the confession. Maybe a little before (during the yearning stage) or a little bit after (during the honeymoon stage) but honestly, it becomes so natural for him to just like... reach over and thread our fingers together that I don’t really know when it started. We both have a fair amount of anxiety, so it’s a simple, quick, easy, and sweet fix for when one or both of us feels it creeping up-- and like, who doesn’t like to feel the touch of their lover every once in a while?

After-Action Patch-Up

This trope happens a lot, actually, given the nature of the source material. I mean, we’re essentially a superhero team, so we’re on the front lines of the action 24/7; in the comic, everybody gets beaten up fairly often and usually to a wince-inducing (occasionally tears-inducing) extent. So you’d think we would be used to it, given the world we (he and my self-insert) live in, but... yeah, that’s not the case. 

When Michael sees that I’m hurt, it sort of depends-- I mean, 100%, he hates it and it’s upsetting to him, and he’s gonna be extra gentle and probably trace the injuries with his fingertips (or his gaze, if the injury’s too sensitive) but if he sees me being actively hurt by someone? Ooh. I’m definitely the more feral one generally speaking, but in this particular circumstance, he might give me a run for my money. Just picture this gentle, angelic dude going full “eliminate the threat and get them out of danger” mode. 

Of course, afterward, he’s immediately landing and rushing over to me (dropping to his knees if I’m on the ground) and frantically looking me over, hands hovering nervously over my skin, voice all shaky and quieter than usual when he speaks. hhh Anyway-- he does have some knowledge of first aid, since he grew up all isolated in the mountains and he had to know how to help himself and his family when things took a turn for the worse; mostly, he’ll patch me up however he can, and if it’s bad enough he’ll leave the fight to get me to safety and/or a hospital (depending on how close to done the fight is). If he’s not too badly hurt toward the end of a fight, he likes to help the paramedics patch up his teammates who are worse-off; if I’m among them, I’m the one he goes to. 

When I see him hurt, there’s... a lot less hesitation and a lot more ass-kicking. I’ll be honest, I’m really protective in general and I can’t handle seeing the people I love get hurt in any way, shape, or form. This fact combined with my feral energy is kind of a recipe for disaster at times, considering we’re supposed to be the good guys-- I mean, I’ve got a feeling it’s not great for the team’s image if I just fuckin’ electrocute anyone who hurts my boyfriend. Regardless, though, if anyone seeks him out (in a fight or otherwise) with ill intent, they better be prepared for the death and/or thorough beating they’ve earned. There’s a particular event in canon that haunts me so much I had a dream about it, and I ended up just... losing control of my powers and just completely fucking destroyed this girl who-- hhhh. Anyway.

When it comes to how I treat him afterward, it’s much the same-- the horror of seeing him like that and the cautious gentleness I treat him with are pretty much exactly the same, and we both do that hand-hovering thing like we aren’t sure if we’re allowed to touch (or we’re scared to hurt our love even more). One thing I always end up doing is just. Brushing his hair out of his face and tucking it behind his ears until eventually I just... ever so carefully bring my hands up to cradle his face-- usually just one cheek at first, and if he leans into it, I starting tearing up on the spot. Then I just... gently bonk our foreheads together because like jesus christ I almost lost you. I’m so glad you’re still here. After the fight, for the long run, I’m very doting toward him when he’s recovering; I’m not the nagging “you have to rest” type, but I’m more softly affectionate and I bring him things, do things for him. 

Almost Kiss

I’m not sure when exactly our first kiss is, although it’s probably during the same scene as the confession fic I linked in the first answer-- but as for how it is? Oh my god. 

He’s not experienced at all, like... I’m his first kiss, and it’s obvious because he’s so clearly anxious about it. Luckily, I do have a little experience, and also we’re both just super gentle-- in general, but especially with each other. It’s soft and uncertain, but we tend to melt into each other in pretty much any scenario because we’re just,, so comfortable with each other. So it’s only uncertain for a short bit before we’re pulling away all starstruck, breathless and giddy, only to go back in for another (and probably several more after that, to be honest.)

Beautiful Dreamer

Hmm. Well, it’s kind of hard to say who falls asleep first? Michael struggles with trauma-induced insomnia, and my sleep schedule is terrible-- plus, if he can’t sleep, I like to stay up with him (even if I doze off a few times while he’s reading) so... I mean, I guess on the nights that he sleeps, he’s the first to fall asleep? It probably helps that like, apparently when I play with people’s hair they get sleepy. (I have... the magic touch...) And I mean, it’s cheesy and predictable, but he is beautiful when he’s sleeping. He’s always gorgeous, but when he’s asleep he just,, relaxes in a way he never really seems to when he’s awake. 

On nights where I doze off first, it probably takes him a little while to notice because, like I sort of mentioned, he likes to read when he can’t sleep; he gets completely engrossed in the stories, and like, on occasion he’ll read something he thinks is cute or funny and he’ll grin and look over/down to share it with me, but sometimes he’s like oh because I’ve just... quietly fallen asleep all cosied up to him. And he just immediately softens and slowly blushes, usually just... pausing to study me for a moment before remembering the book, then he just kinda,, haphazardly bookmarks the page before setting it aside and shuffling around a bit so he can cuddle up to me. Sometimes this leads to him dozing off, too, but not always!

Regardless of the situation, though, we always sleep better when we’re together.

Bodyguard Crush

Okay but like... Michael just being himself is what makes me feel safe?? Everything about him just feels like home to me. He’s so gentle, and sweet, and like... hhh. I just feel like, there’s no question as to whether he would be accepting of me for who I am in my entirety, and that just means,, so much to me, you have no idea-- like I,,, I’m not actually super confident in myself a lot of the time, and I project this confidence anyway because I’m working on it, but I do usually have anxieties and doubts about how people perceive me, whereas with Michael there’s just this... exceedingly rare peace of mind. Like, most of the time, I have to try so hard to convince myself (like, “yeah, they’d totally be accepting, and if not, they can be in your canon” which isn’t as comforting as I’d like it to be) but like, with him it’s not even a question?

And like, I just... like I said, he’s so gentle, sweet, and understanding, and he’s just... like, he doesn’t want to hurt anyone, and he’s so careful not to when it’s not necessary. He’s so quietly aware of people, and like... I dunno, I just,, I tend to be that person for people, and often it feels like my own feelings go unnoticed or ignored, but I’m like... actually confident that he would. Notice?? And be good to me???? Which is just,, so wild of a concept but it’s exactly what I need.

And then like. This one’s not great of me, but the fact that we both have trauma to deal with actually kind of makes me feel better. I mean obviously I hate that he’s traumatized and it fucking HURTS that people have treated him like this, but I just-- like, I don’t know, I just. I don’t really talk about it, but sometimes I feel broken, or like I’ll never be good enough, or like I’m actually a horrible person, but then like... with Michael, I just,, it’s so clear to me that like... he’s not broken or terrible or insufficient because of his struggles, not at all, and y’know, I think we’re good for each other and that we make each other happy, and that feeling kind of just... fades? Wanes? It’s not gone completely, and I don’t know if it ever will be, but still, he makes me feel secure. 

Um. I guess one last one!! Michael is shown to be very caring and like... he’s always fighting for people, and he’s got this gentle protective nature-- in canon he’s got this tendency to take on responsibility for others’ safety, and it hurts because he blames himself when they get hurt but it’s also just,, he’s so selfless, okay?? And he just,,, I know he would fight for me and like, put in the effort, and potentially stick his neck out for me, and that’s terrifying because I don’t want him to get hurt but on the other hand like... it means I know he’s got my back. 100%. And I mean... what can feel safer than that?? Because I’ve got his back too, so I’ll be doing my damnedest to make sure he doesn’t get hurt, and I can feel confident that I won’t be taking the brunt of things because he’s doing the same for me. If that makes sense dgjkjkdhgkj

Caught in the Rain

Ah, okay, well... the thing is, I lovvvveeeee the rain, so I would be ecstatic for a second, but then I remember like, fuck, Michael. Because the rain actually makes Michael sort of nervous, and I guess you could say, uh... flighty? See, like, his wings are A Thing and his feathers don’t repel water like duck feathers do-- his just get waterlogged, and then he can’t fly, so he’s grounded until he can dry off and fix them up, which makes him very anxious. Usually, he just freezes for a second and I have to sorta shepherd him into an area where there’s cover from the rain. 

If it takes too long and he gets rained on, he gets fidgety and tense, and I gotta like... gently tug him over to a place we can sit down so I can help him dry off. It’s a really,,, really soft thing, actually, because um. Okay, basically, like, winged creatures like birds usually only let their mates help them preen & stuff. So,,, it’s like,, a trust and intimacy thing. Also, I mean, it’s a cute picture: this lanky winged dude just,, sitting down, totally drenched from the rain, and his doting partner just slowly evaporating the water from his wings with their energy powers (heated hands come in Handy). I mean, come on. 

Grow Old With Me

Uhh... well, I guess we haven’t been together very long, IRL or in-universe. I will say, though, it feels like we’ve been together forever from how comfortable and natural it is. 

Laugh of Love

Okay, well, Michael... isn’t always very good with jokes, because he’s so new to pop culture, but he can be very silly sometimes. Actually, he used to be embarrassed about it, but sometimes he might play up the fact that he doesn’t get it, just to see me try not to laugh. I try not to laugh when it happens because like, it’s not his fault, and I don’t want him to think I’m laughing at him, but he’s just so darn cute omg-- but at some point he figures out that I find it a little bit amusing and he just jumps on that because he wants to see my smile skjdkjk

Alternatively, he can also just like. Compliment me too much and I’ll just start laughing out of embarrassment while protesting because like idk how to take a compliment

Love Epiphany

Ah, well, I mean, I realize pretty quickly that I’m crushing on him, because like, he’s so cute and sweet, FUCK-- love, though? Love with a capital L? That takes a little longer. Basically, the timeline is like, I met him and started crushing, then as I got to know the team (including him) a little better, we became fast friends and I tend to appreciate my friends very deeply, so that was another step-- and then just... as we got to know each other I gradually started to note some thoughts and feelings that weren’t quite platonic, and I kinda swept them under the rug at first because I’m an affectionate person and also I’m not straight so my affection lines are sometimes a little blurred. When they got more and more common though, I just kind of... had to admit it. Like, man, I’m a fairly logical being; if the evidence is all pointing one way, I guess that’s the most likely explanation? Plus, the thought of it made me feel really warm inside, which just confirmed things. 

Michael’s realization?? I’m not sure tbh. @astralshipper is especially fond of teasing me with the “love at first sight” thing, but that doesn’t seem realistic to me skjfkdk

Marry for Love

AHAAAHA. HA. hghfhsdbbjs No, we aren’t ... skdnsfdkjskjfk dg we aren’t married-- uhhhhh hahah.  ha. I mean, we just started dating like a month or two ago, what kind of fool would be thinking of ,,,, being with,,, ,, , such a wonderful..  lovely, sweet, perfect guy for the rest of their life JNFDKJNKJS I MEAN.  .   GHJGHGKGJHGKFHFHHHHGHHGGHHH

... We, uh... we haven’t talked about it. ^^;

Post-Kiss Catatonia

answered here

Sickeningly Sweethearts

Uhh, I mean... we’re not huge on PDA, because we aren’t extroverted and we aren’t extremely confident. However, we do hold hands quite a bit, and then when one of us is hurt, or we’re finally seeing each other after a fight, then we kind of just forget we’re even in public and we’re fairly affectionate. If we’re just at the team headquarters, sometimes I’ll initiate more highkey stuff like kisses, and for the most part, the team is chill about it. Katie just kinda grins and giggles, Scout is like “god i wish that was me” skjndkjnknk Hope and Nikki just sorta fondly roll their eyes, and both Nikki and Jack probably tease us over it. Jay is the one who’s like BLUHGGHHH GROSS gnkjnkngk but he’s a dumbass so I just stick my tongue out at him and/or flip him off. 

You Must Be Cold

answered here

Zip Me Up

Uh, we don’t really help each other get dressed. We’re both a little too easily flustered for that, although sometimes I do offer to help with his shirts because his wings can make things difficult for him. We might help each other with neckties if we’re going to a dressier event, or maybe with buttons on occasion. If I’m in a jewellery mood, he might help me with a necklace or something. None of this is super common, though, and by the end of it we’re always sort of flushed even though we’re very respectful about it.

[ankhjohn]

clergy, sex, success, and me

I was born in the middle of 1941. The Second world war had just begun. I can't recall anything much before the age of eight, but I can remember certain places and events like they happened yesterday. Public schools in the inner city, and especially Jr. high, were repetitious, boring,  and very dangerous to attend. Back then, every other kid had a switch blade knife, and they were plenty eager to wave them around to intimidate and threaten any body they felt like messing with, including teachers, and sometimes even cops.  

Once, I witnessed a stabbing in the school cafeteria. The very quick and violent nature of that horribly messy act frightened me immensely, and it was that experience that made me realize that I was, unfortunately, a coward. It was very disturbing, and it affected me for a very long time afterward.  

Up until 1954, I was what was considered to be a clod and a nerd at school,  Something equivalent to a non-entity.  I had no idea how suddenly my life was about to change.  Every day I constantly faced being bullied on the way to school, at school, and on the way home from school. I developed rudimentary time schedules, and tentative escape routes, or safe places, in order that I could have the best chance of making it home unhurt and alive. That seemed to work most of the time, but several times it did not, and I paid dearly for the mistake.

Toward the end of the school year in 1954, just before my birthday,  and a well earned,  glorious three month vacation,  I was run down by two boys on the way home from school, and I got roughly pushed around as they brandished their 'blades'. I was given the choice of sucking their dicks or suffering a beating by both of them. Now some will say never, but this frightened 13 year old left that culvert party unharmed beyond the humiliation, a few bruises from getting knocked around, and dirt on my knees, They let me go with a warning not to tell anyone.  I did not. It was too embarrassing, and the stigma at the time would have isolated me completely from my peers, parents, and teachers, not to mention the fear of retaliation, but the worst thing of all, was to be branded a 'queer'.

Summer vacation finally arrived and a friend I will call 'Tom”, from school, came to visit me at my home on one bright Saturday morning and convinced me to accompany him to his friends house that lived in another part of the neighborhood to pick up some money, and then we could go to the movies, and get a hamburger and drinks afterward.  I agreed to go with him, and we set off immediately. Soon we arrived at a very nice apartment building and Tom rang the bell.  A buzzer sounded, and He pushed the door open widely and as we climbed the short flight of stairs, we entered into a very plush and rich interior filled with antiques and art. Two older men happily greeted us with smiles, and sat us down on a huge couch in the palatial living room.   One of the elderly gentlemen went to the kitchen and brought out  two beers and set them on the coffee table using coasters that depicted  nude reclining male figures. I thought it was curious, but amusing.

The beer was bitter, and I knew I would not be able to finish it.   I glanced at Tom as he took a sip of the beer and to my surprise, he downed the whole thing.  After setting the glass back on the table, Tom quickly proceeded to undress right on the spot.  I didn't know what was happening, until my friend pulled down his  underwear, and revealed his very generous boner, which in turn, was immediately set upon  by one of the elderly gentlemen, who began doing to him what I had to do to the two boys from school.. That was when the other guy began unzipping my pants and exposing my penis. I was frozen in my spot and my face flushed, my heart was pounding like a rod going out on a diesel engine. I was so embarrassed I thought it would be impossible for me to get an erection under this surprising turn of events. Why, I thought, would anybody want to suck my dick in the first place?  Well, here was someone who obviously seemed more than happy to do it, and after a bit of gentle coaxing, I did get an erection, and he did get me to blow a load of cum on his tonsils.

I was complemented by the older gentleman for my 'pervormance', and I realized an immediate new sense of confidence in my sexual prowess, it seemed to give me a feeling of a new identity, as if a new person had unfolded in me that day, and as a result of this realization, the 'queer thing', as well as  the age difference,  became a non-factor for me.  I had become sexually liberated! As we were leaving, my friend and I  each received a ten dollar bill, for our obviously successful efforts, with an open invitation to visit at any time.  We then spent the afternoon at the movies and stuffed ourselves on everything you can imagine that a thirteen year old would do with 10 bucks.  

My life changed overnight that day.  I felt 'adult' so to speak.  Soon, my visits to the apartment became pretty regular, and I had plenty of money in my pocket.  My mother worked as a hostess for a nightclub and her take home pay for a 40 hour week was $35.00. I was making more money than my hard working mother.  At school, I loaned out lunch money and it wasn't long before just about everybody in my classes 'owed' me money.   Life was good. And when you're on top of the world, it can be a long fall to the bottom if you slip.

I was fourteen now, and Tom, the same friend that introduced me to the homosexuals,  invited me for a three way with a smart looking red headed woman in her thirties. The thought was scary and exciting at the same time. I had seen my Friend in action a few times by now, but never had contact with him in that manner.    What could possibly go wrong?    Well, the red head experience is one I won't soon forget, or get over, for that matter.  I felt I had just secured my sexual 'spot' in the world, when Tom and I dated the older woman and he guaranteed that she was a good tipper. She picked us up at a local hamburger stand in the afternoon, and drove us to a secluded section of a nearby park whereupon I performed what I thought was a pretty darn good job, then Tom took his turn, and apparently, it wasn't received with the same enthusiasm, because when he ejaculated in her face, he also decided to urinate to finish the job. That red head really got pissed off. She was hot, hollering, spitting, and snatching her bra off the steering wheel,  she kicked us out of her car and we had to walk home. I never got a cent for my valiant effort.      Gee,.. thanks Tom,....

Three days after the episode with the red head, my mother had to take me to the doctor because of the large, very painful weeping sores which suddenly appeared on the head of my penis.  It was so bad, I guessed they didn't even want to tell me the name of the disease,  because they would only refer to the word in my presence using initials. Something like, T.S.P. , or L.S.D., I can't remember, but I do remember the tool of my new found trade being broken and the future of my primary source of income and enjoyment, was in jeopardy.  But that was for the future, right now the pressing problem was answering a lot of embarrassing questions from a lot of pissed off adults.   I was pretty sure Tom was going through the same thing, and I wondered how he was 'copulating' with the situation. I would have liked to have called and talked with him, but it was impossible, I was being too closely watched, like perhaps they might watch someone for attempting suicide or something.  

I tried playing the unknowing recipient of some dreaded disease that I had obviously contacted from some unsanitary toilet seat at some unmemorable filling station. It seemed to work for the moment, but soon I was confronted with real names, and places and events with astonishing accuracy, and there was little I could do to offer any story, and I resigned myself to suffer the consequences for my actions.  One of the conditions of my subsequent probation (for lying to police) was that I was told I was no longer allowed to communicate or see my friend Tom.  That restriction however, did not last long. My dick healed up in about 3 weeks. It was too painful for me to get an erection or masturbate during that period, and I was celibate the whole time. One boy suggested that I had the clap so bad they called it “applause”... Very funny.  

It amazed me to see how the size of my dick shrank in direct proportion to how sick I got.  It finally got better enough that I began to gently exercise it, slowly bringing it back to life and serviceable operation. I wanted to continue enjoying the lifestyle  I had enjoyed before the crash. I didn't know exactly how, but I was determined to resume my new found enjoyment-employment.  The end of summer arrived, and the stress of school once again loomed before me,  Because I was not allowed out alone, I spent a lot of time in my bedroom playing music, and taking long showers, to conceal my masturbatory habits.  Sometimes In bed, would masturbate into my dirty socks, and put them in the laundry... Mother never thought to look there for evidence...

Returning to school, all I could think of was how I was going to face all my teachers and peers. Talk about stage fright!  I was already trying to think of ways to gain some personal time out of the school day. Maybe volunteer for some activity or get study hall, or anything I could use to disguise some unsupervised time after school so I could resume where I  left off...

Like an answer to my prayers, God Himself was to intervene and send me a mentor and benefactor, in the form of one Reverend P.J. Goodbody, (not his real name..), a local pastor who worked with wayward kids through his church, and with the juvenile court,  turned out to be my assigned probation officer.  Since P.J. Knew my case history, it wasn't long before ol' P.J. Had me in his office with his lips on my dick up to my balls... In his car...and several times, in the parking garage.  Once, he suggested a filling station restroom for a quickie, but I drew the line at that for obvious reasons, and instead we ended up in a truckers shower on I-5, a few miles away.

My duties were mostly maintenance in and around the church. Our 'professional session' was “as needed” and if I literally “got off early” I could get time for myself that was vouched for by the good reverend, P.J. and needless to say, it was a “marriage” made in heaven.  Mother would pick me up immediately after school and drop me off at P.J.'s office.  He would take care of 'business' right away, and then I would water the lawns and shrubs, take the garbage out, and whatever was needed. After that, I could do what I wanted for a couple of hours, and that included going down town on 'errands'.   Just like mission impossible, P.J. Did speak to me about being caught where I shouldn't be, and told me he would have to disavow any claims resulting from such a situation, otherwise, I should have a good time.                                  I wasted no time.    

Remember when I was worried about facing my peers?  Well, a little advertising certainly goes a long way, and everybody in school was talking in front of, on the side, behind my back, and over my head. I would get razzing and giggles, and some unusual inquires, but everyone of the general population pretty much kept away from me.  Oddly enough however,  during this time,  I was being covertly propositioned by some of the most unlikely students of both sexes.  Several boys wanted mutual masturbation, another was interested in anal sex, A girl suggested oral sex. And then, My math teacher began occasionally keeping me after school for “Special instruction” which of course, took place in the cloak room.  Opportunities abounded, but these were non paying jobs as far as I was concerned, more or less a good will tour, if you know what I mean.  

Do you have any idea how hard it was in the 1950's for an underage boy to get a blow job on the street?  If you were young, horny, and wanted sex, your best bet was to join a church.   In 1955, I was bumping into other guys my age that were having similar experiences, and we would talk about them whenever we got together.  I eventually 'gave' and 'got' through the school year with the help of P.J., who was thanked profusely by my mother for the vast improvement in my attitude and calming my wild ways. I wanted to say:   Jesus mom, I blow a load of cum down his throat twice a day, No wonder I'm calm!   But I didn't want to spoil it, I was having a good time, and things were looking up.

With spiritual guidance from the good reverend,  I gradually acquired several regular 'customers' from the religious community. For a while, it seemed like I was going from 'parson to parson'. I have to say they were very gentle and grateful. I didn't always get paid in money, but there were pool parties with food, drinks, gifts, weekend stay overs, and the very busy hot tubs.  I seemed to be popular at the time, because I had a good history of keeping quiet. And why not? What has being truthful ever gotten me? The whole idea of this 'truth will set you free' thing,  seemed counter-intuitive to me from the beginning. The truth has never set me free. It only frees the cops, the attorneys, and the judge.  

So far, My sexual contact with a woman had proven to be a rather negative, and downright disastrous event,  but I still wanted to explore this realm a bit more intimately, and I came to the conclusion that I was not  a homosexual, nor was I heterosexual, but just plain sexual. Which is not to say I was in it primarily for the sex, but more as the means to enjoy a social standing I would not normally have been able to experience. In other words, it became kind of a hobby with benefits. While there were the occasional negatives, there were far more positives as a result of those relationships. In a sense, my “friends” had become clergy, attorneys, doctors, dentists, you name it, I had the best advice and support that money alone cannot buy, and I have yet to meet a stingy cocksucker among them.  

That summer and winter came and went and I was spending a minimal amount of time at home because of my involvement with the whole church business. The year seemed to pass quickly. Things had settled in, and my time became very structured in terms of who, where, when, and what. I had liked the way things were going, and I didn't want or think that it might end any time soon. Another boy who I did not know, but had seen hanging around Tom, spilled his beans after a brief cross examination by his parents, and my name came up along with others, and the cops eventually showed up at my door for a bit of a chat about who I knew, and when... I have to admit it was intimidating and I was genuinely scared, but I held out, hoping they would get tired and go away. I didn't want to get in a jam like I did last time, so it was all or nothing, todo or nada. I refused to talk at all. I clammed up as if frightened, and I was. Finally they left, but vowed to see me again. That was not the end of it by any means, but for now my mind was swirling with thoughts of doom. I had no idea what was going to happen to P.J. and the 'gang', and most of all, Me.  

P.J. Wound up getting arrested for oral copulation with a child under the age of fourteen, and along with two other acquaintances, were convicted. I refused to incriminate him and instead, I extolled his virtues in my deposition, lauding him for keeping me on the 'straight' and narrow. As a matter of fact, my grades were very good, and I had not gotten into any 'regular' trouble since he became my probation officer.  Coincidentally, My  attorney turned out to be a queer friend of  P.J.s,  and he was eventually able to keep me out of the juvenile justice system. Unfortunately, I still had to deal with my parents. By this time, my parents had enough and sat me down for a discussion which consisted of them yelling at me for a long time. They finally got tired and threw their hands up in the gesture of giving up.  Since the tough love approach didn't work, they were ready to allow my emancipation, but only when I turned fifteen in another month, and if I stayed out of trouble until then, I was good to go. I was delighted, of course, but with serious twinges of uncertainty.

I turned fifteen in the summer of'56, I was finally emancipated, and my classes had been modified to accommodate 'sexualized' students like myself. I was in a class with the bad boys, and I was accepted as one of them. A club, as it were, for comrades in arms and action. I was no longer considered a nerd, or a clod.  I had graduated to 'punk loser', and in a weird sort of way, I couldn't have been happier with my new found identity.  Looking back, you might say I would have been better off hanging out with the 'A' students, but I eventually went to work for an interesting gay and generous company that employed me for my skill in customer relations and closing important deals  I was good at what I did, and why not?   I had plenty of experience!

[shadow-and-purgatory]

Taako and the chalice, possibly by taking it

((This one got away from me, and is at 6912 words, full )story under the cut)

The ability to turn back time had little appeal to Taako. After all, he was famous! He was Taako from TV, known in every part of Faerun, and the Underdark. His childhood had been spent travelling in caravans, which hadn’t exactly been pleasant, but he might not have started his cooking show if he hadn’t lived that way.

Which may have been for the best anyways, said a little voice in the back of his head. He squashed the voice, shaking his head a little bit. Sizzle it Up was the best thing he’d ever done.

Magnus put a hand on Taako’s shoulder. “Taako?” He asked. He sounded like he’d tried to get Taako’s attention multiple times.

Taako blinked a few times. “Huh?”

“You spaced out a little bit there,” Magnus said.

Taako scratched his head. “Sorry about that, my dude. What did I miss?”

“June — or is it the Chalice? Where does June end and the Chalice begin?” Magnus mused. “Well, whatever, the point is they’re making us an offer.”

June stared at the three of them with mild amusement on her face, and sat down at the table. “I promise, I’m not gonna cast some thrall over you or whatever. But I truly believe that together we can fix the wrongs in the past, and we can make this world better in the process. So I’m not gonna hypnotise you or anything like that; I’m asking for the opportunity to make a sales pitch for you. I just want you to hear me out and then I’ll release the girl, and I promise to go with you without any fuss.”

Taako shrugged. “Sounds good to me.” He couldn’t really think of anything that he’d turn back time for(with the exception of maybe one thing, but that was irrelevant), so he was good in that regard. He’d watch whatever the Chalice had to show him, take the Chalice back to the Bureau, take a nice long shower, and go to sleep.

That was how he intended for things to go, but he wasn’t prepared for what June showed him.

Sazed had tried to kill him. He’d put arsenic in the food.

Part of him was relieved. It hadn’t been a careless mistake. He hadn’t murdered those 40 people!

But the other part of him knew that even though he hadn’t been the one to poison them, it was still his fault that they were dead. Sazed had been the one to put arsenic in the garnish, but it had been Taako’s unwillingness to share the spotlight that had driven him into the madness of envy. Taako’s selfish nature was the root of the problem.

After a few moments, June spoke. “This is the worst thing that ever happened, Taako, in your life. And you can fix it. If you claim me, then none of this ever happened. Glamour Springs lives, you can keep doing your cooking show, and you won’t have this horrible black mark on what is otherwise a heroic legacy.” She extended the hand that bore the Chalice. “Take me, Taako, take the cup, and you can fix it all.”

And then Taako was back in the white space with Magnus, Merle, and June. June was sitting at the table, Chalice in hand.

“I need to lay out the rules for you, ‘cause I feel like that’s only fair. If you take the Chalice, there are three rules that you have to follow. First of all, you cannot walk the path that you walked in this timeline. Specifically, there’s gonna be no joining the Bureau of Balance, ‘cause you could create a paradox. Second of all, you forfeit your place in this timeline completely. There is no comin’ back if you take the Chalice and cross over to your new one.”

She paused while they thought about it.

“What’s the last rule?” Taako prompted.

“If you take the Chalice, I’ll create a new timeline for you, but you have to keep it up and running. That means that you have to want every single thing that happens in this new version of reality. The good stuff, and the bad stuff,” June said. She set the Chalice down on the table in front of them and stared at them, silent.

Taako stared at the cup for a few seconds. “Can we all take it, or-”

June shook her head. “Only one of you can take it.”

“Maybe you should have mentioned that in the rules,” Magnus said. “Just for like, future reference, next time you do this.” The big man had a smile on his face.

June smiled in mild amusement. “What are your decisions?” she asked.

The smile slipped from Magnus’s face, and he turned to Taako and Merle. “Listen, I assume that we all had very similar yet different experiences, and this…” he trailed off for a second. “What I saw was something that I’ve wanted for a very long time, and I-” His voice cracked. “I want you both to know that no matter what you decide, I won’t fault you for it, and I won’t judge you. And this new reality, well, it’s what I want, more than anything, but…” His eyes started watering. “But it’s not what Julia would have wanted, so- so I have to pass.”

June’s face fell a bit. “All right. If that’s your decision, then I won’t stop you, but it is a bit disheartening.” She angled herself more towards Taako and Merle, and looked at the two of them expectantly.

Merle shrugged. “I’m not one to dwell on the past, so I’m going to have to pass as well,” he nonchalantly, though Taako noticed him staring at his soulwood arm.

June pursed her lips a bit. “I see,” she said. She turned to Taako. “What about you?” she asked. “What’s your choice?”

Taako stared at the Chalice. It’d be so easy to take it, and fix the biggest mistake of life. Then his eyes flitted to Merle and Magnus. Over the past year, they’d become such a good team. But once the Relic hunt was over, which was just a short ways away, he knew what would happen. They wouldn’t need to be a team, and they certainly wouldn’t need Taako.

The thought hit him like a brick. He’d be right back where he started. Alone. Scraping for money. And more than anything, he’d be alone. Just like it had always been. Just Taako against the world. The Umbra Staff felt warm under his fingers, and he gripped the handle of it tightly.

“June, thank you for the offer,” he said. He smiled, and turned to Magnus and Merle. “It’s been nice working with you,” he said softly, and those who knew him as well as Merle and Magnus did heard the sincerity in his words. “Well, I won’t be seeing you, since the rules prohibit it and stuff,” he said, grinning. “Buh-bye!” He whirled around and grabbed the Chalice.

On the Celestial Plane, Istus watched a thread in her scarf fall out, and the scarf began to unravel.

Everything changed immediately, although for Magnus and Merle, Taako just disappeared, and they had no way of knowing that everything had been irrevocably changed.

But Taako knew. Taako watched as the world seemed to rip in two. He was seeing double, and he remembered that he had to want everything that would happen. He had to want it.

He didn’t really know what happened to Magnus and Merle in the past, but he wanted to take care of them in this new timeline. So he willed them to meet Gundren Rockseeker. He willed them to win the fight against Magic Brian. He willed Merle to take the Umbra Staff, and he willed them a job at the Bureau. He willed them to survive the trial of initiation, and solve the mystery on the Rockport Limited. He willed them to win the battle wagon race, and willed them to defeat Legion. He willed Merle to teach Angus to use cleric spells, and willed Magnus to start training as a rogue with Carey.

He paused when he neared the present, and decided that he had to go back to his own past determine how he would move forward.

He went back to when June had frozen time for him, right before he poisoned Glamour Springs.

And he was there, and he was smiling. He unfroze time, and set the Chalice on the table next to him. “Sazed?” he called. “Sazed, could you come here?” There was a moment’s pause, and Sazed walked onto the stage, looking confused.

“What did you need, Taako?” he asked nervously.

“Sazed, how would you like to be the first one to sample the 30 Clove Garlic Chicken?” Taako asked. His tone was cheerful, but his eyes were on Sazed’s.

Sazed shook his head. “I’m- I’m good,” he said.

Taako raised his eyebrows. “Sazed, I thought you wanted to be on the show more often,” he said mockingly. Taako smiled at him in fake confusion.

Sazed looked uncomfortable. “No, I-I don’t like garlic,” he said, which was a lie. “You like it; you should eat it.”

Taako clicked his tongue. “Sazed, you were the one who suggested that I make the garlic chicken,” he said. “You said that you hoped that there would be leftovers, because it’s one of your favorite meals.”

“I don’t want it!” Sazed practically shouted. “You eat it!”

Taako tilted his head. “Is something wrong?” He asked, taking a step forward.

Sazed shook his head, and Taako could practically see the wheels in his brain turning frantically. “I-I-” he was backing away. He mumbled something.

“What?” Taako asked.

“I put poison in it,” Sazed said, a bit louder.

Hearing Sazed say that he put poison in the food seemed to cement it into reality.

“Get off my stage,” Taako said, voice deathly calm.

“What?” Sazed asked meekly.

“Get out of my sight, and go and rot somewhere!” Taako’s voice was growing louder with every word. “And don’t ever let me see you again, you piece of trash!”

Sazed scampered off the stage, and ran away.

Now, Taako picked up the Chalice, and he knew what to do. He would keep traveling, growing more and more famous. He was so happy, and he knew that he’d made the right choice. However, in some capacity that he could not understand, Taako wanted to see his friends. He couldn’t make contact with the Bureau, that was against the rules, but he could want the Bureau to seek him out. He willed a seeker, Angus McDonald, to check Refuge for leads on Grand Relics.

Instead, Angus found Istus.

She was knitting a scarf, but there was a certain point where the scarf looked like someone had started again with a new kind of thread, and the scarf became almost Frankensteinian in nature. She smiled at Angus.

“Hello, Angus,” she said. Her voice was warm and kind. “There is something very wrong that has happened here.”

Angus looked around. The temple of Istus was in good condition, and nothing really looked out of place. “What do you mean, Lady Istus?” He asked.

Istus held up her scarf as though it ought to explain everything.

Angus stared at the scarf. “Lady Istus?” He asked.

“It looks odd, doesn’t it?” Istus asked, pointing to the place where the pattern seemed to be stitched by someone else.

Angus nodded. “Yes, but what does that mean?”

Istus‘s smile turned grave. “Someone has changed fate, and turned back time,” she said. “The item they used is called the Temporal Chalice, and it is one of the artifacts you have come to this town to find.”

Angus’s eyes widened. “Where can I find whoever used it?”

Istus smiled again. “I am fate, and I must let the world run its course, so that is not something that I can tell you, but they have upset time, and stolen three emissaries from me,” she said.

“Tell the two who should have been my emissaries that when the time comes, they must fix the mistake of their brother that isn’t,” Istus said, adjusting her scarf. For a split second, Angus saw the faces of Magnus and Merle flickering in the scarf. Someone else too.

“I will, Lady Istus,” Angus said. He bowed to her, and as he left, he heard her chuckle as she whisper something under her breath. He might not have heard any of it, but as if by chance, the wind picked up. so as he left the temple, Angus heard the last vestiges of an ‘amazing,’ and when he turned around, she was gone.

Taako was the most famous chef in all of Faerun. He knew that, and he was happy about it. He also knew that the Bureau was looking for him. Well, looking for the Chalice. Same difference. He knew this because he’d made it happen.

Taako didn’t bother trying to hide the fact that he had the Chalice to anyone. He kept the conspicuous looking thing on his counter during all his shows, but never used it for any practical chalice purposes. He knew that no one who wasn’t from the Bureau would notice it. Their brains would tune it out, just like Hurley’s mind has tuned out the Gaia Sash. Sooner or later, someone from the Bureau would notice that it was odd that no one else seemed to remember the ornate chalice covered with clockwork and cogs and jewels, and for some reason, a single, tiny duck had been carved into the metal.

He kept an eye on the people in the crowd, and when they came up for samples, Taako would check their arms. He had to make sure that he was ready for the Bureau when they did come for him. But it was too late. He’d made his decision, and they couldn’t stop him.

One day, he noticed a small child in the crowd. He recognized the child instantly; he’d never forget Angus McDonald. He made a point to move around the Chalice as often as possible throughout the show.

Angus was the last person to walk up for a sample, and Taako made direct eye contact with him as her smiled and set the Chalice down on the counter.

“Hello sir!” Angus said brightly.

“Nice bracer, Agn- kid,” Taako said, catching himself. “Is that real silver?” He asked, reaching over the counter and tapping the button in an inconspicuous manner. “It feels like real silver,” he continued.

“It is,” Angus said.

“How’d you enjoy the show?” Taako asked.

“It was good.” Angus paused, and wrinkled up his face in confusion. “Sir, did you just try to call me ‘Agnes?’” He asked, looking up at Taako.

Taako cursed silently, but shook his head. “You must’ve misheard me, pumpkin,” he said.

Angus blinked at him slowly, looking unimpressed. “I’m the world’s greatest boy detective; I can certainly detective good enough to see through your bull crap,” he said dryly.

Taako sighed. “Right,” Taako said defeatedly. He looked at the sky, and watched as a glass orb hurtled towards the ground. “Don’t get in it, Ango. I can tell you everything, but just, uh-” He glanced at the Chalice. “Hold up.” He put the Chalice inside a drawer. “Okay,” he said, lowering his voice to a whisper.

“Mr. Taako, sir, what’s going on?” Angus asked.

Taako grabbed Angus by his lapels, and hoisted him up onto the counter. “Send a message on your Stone of Farspeech to the Bureau, and tell them to send down their Reclaimers, to retrieve a Grand Relic,” he instructed.

Angus’s jaw dropped. “Wait, how did you-”

“Doesn’t matter,” Taako said briskly. “Oh!” His eyes widened. “Don’t tell them that I told you to do this, if you please,” he said.

“But- doesn’t matter?” Angus spluttered. “What do you mean it doesn’t matter? You- you haven’t been innoculated, so how-”

“Agnes.” Taako looked at the kid. “I will tell you everything, but I need you to dial up the Director, and have her send down the Two Horny Boys,” Taako said.

Angus blinked a few times, nodded, and pulled out the Stone. He traced out the Director’s frequency, never once taking his eyes off of Taako.

The intercom in the icosagon crackled to life, and the Two Horny Boys stopped sparring with Killian as the Director’s voice filled the arena.

“Would the Reclaimers Merle Highchurch and Magnus Burnsides please come to the Director’s office immediately for a mission briefing? Merle Highchurch and Magnus Burnsides to the Director’s office immediately for a mission briefing?”

Merle sighed and picked up his X-Treme Teen Bible, which he had dropped on the ground. “Wonder where we’re getting shipped off to this time, and who the big bad is,” he said.

Magnus shrugged. “I try not to think too much about these things,” he said.

“Or at all,” Merle muttered under his breath.

Magnus glared down at the dwarf before holding up his hand for a high five as he passed Killian.

“Good match,” Killian said, smiling at the pair. “Good luck with your mission.”

The pair walked to the dome that housed the Director’s office and walked in.

If they had known her better, they would have immediately known that the Director was very distressed. As it was, they could tell that she wasn’t as composed as usual.

“‘Sup, Lucretia,” Magnus said, greeting her with the first name that he had learned from Lucas.

“Please don’t call me that,” the Director said sharply. She let out a shaky breath. “I apologize for being so short with you, but I just got a call from one of our seekers, Angus McDonald,” she said. She ran her fingers along the grooves in her staff, and looked up at the pair of them. “He has found a Grand Relic, and this one is… particularly dangerous, and by far the most tempting to use.”

“With all due respect, the pair of us have been able to handle everything that these Relics have thrown at us so far, including the Thrall,” Magnus said.

The Director shook her head. “No, this one is…” She sighed. “It’s called the Temporal Chalice, and with it’s incredible power, you could turn back time itself.”

Magnus’s eyes widened.

“Listen, you both have been able to withstand the thrall of all the previous relics, but the chance to chase the Chalice turns decent men insane.” She looked sad. “You’d be able to fix your greatest mistakes, but…but you can’t imagine the repercussions that it could have on everything else.” She turned around and stared at her portrait.

Magnus nodded, but he was staring into space, his mind elsewhere.

“Where are you sending us?” Merle asked, shaking the Director out of her reverie.

“Yeah, and who’s ass do we gotta kick?” Magnus asked absently.

The Director sighed. “We’re sending you to the town of Daggerford,” she said. “And have either of you heard of Sizzle it Up With Taako?” She held up a flyer for a show from about five years ago.

Magnus perked up. “Oh yeah! He came to Raven’s Roost this one time, and he made some pretty bitchin’ macarons.”

The Director nodded. “Angus says that he thinks that Taako is in possession of a Grand Relic, and the description he gave matches that of the Temporal Chalice perfectly.”

“Great!” Merle said. “Then let’s get going, so we can go back to sleep.” He twirled the Umbra Staff around his wrist. The umbrella responded by shocking him. “Okay, okay,” he grumbled. “Moody,” he harrumphed.

The Director made a shooing motion with her hands. “Sizzle it Up is a travelling show, so there’s no way of knowing how long he’ll stay in Daggerford. Angus is down on planetside, trying to stall Taako. Get moving.”

Once they’d left her office, Lucretia let out a soft sob. Maybe if she’d been faster to recruit them, then maybe Merle and Magnus wouldn’t be going to fight one of their dearest friends without knowing it, and maybe Taako wouldn’t have taken the Chalice, and maybe she’d have assembled the Light by now, and maybe-

“Davenport?” Perhaps sensing her distress, the gnome had stood on the step stool next to her desk and put his hand on her shoulder.

Lucretia wiped her eyes. “I’m fine,” she said. She took a few deep breaths.

The Director pulled out a stack of paperwork, and began to write.

Merle and Magnus’s sphere landed just outside of Daggerford, and it didn’t take them long to find the stagecoach. Just like the Director had said, Angus was there, sitting on the counter and talking with Taako.

Angus noticed them, and held up a finger to Taako, as if to say “hold on, I’ll be right back.” He jogged over to the pair. “Hello sirs!” Angus said cheerfully.

“Hey Angus,” Merle greeted. “So, is that elf Taako?”

Angus nodded. “And-” He stopped, and began to mouth out words to them. Mute. Your. Stones.

Magnus muted his Stone without a second thought, and grabbed Merle’s to do the same. “What’s up Angus?”

Angus looked at them with distress. “He knows about the Bureau. And the Relics. And the Director. And you guys.” Angus’s voice became more distressed by the word. “He knows what my name is. He won’t tell me how he knows, but he asked for you guys specifically to be sent in.”

Magnus began to walk towards Taako, his hand on Railsplitter threateningly. Merle waddled behind him, holding the Umbra Staff in one hand, X-Treme Teen Bible in the other.

Merle looks, Taako thought with an amused snort, like he’s gonna poke me with the Umbra Staff, and then ask me to join a congregation.

“Magnus! Merle!” He waved them over, smiling like he was greeting old friends, which struck the pair of them as odd. “Hail and well met, my dudes.”

“How?” Magnus asked, glaring at the elf.

“Hm?” Taako asked as he opened a drawer.

“How can you hear it when I say Voidfish?” Magnus demanded.

Taako put the Chalice on the counter with a thunk. “I can explain all of this, and I will, but we should go inside of the wagon,” Taako said calmly, stepping out from behind the counter.

“Yeah, sorry, but that sounds sketchy as hell,” Merle said, raising an eyebrow. “Give us one good reason why we should trust you,” Merle said, pointing the Umbra Staff at Taako. The handle of the umbrella began to heat up, and Merle huffed in annoyance. “Moody piece of trash,” he groused. The umbrella continued to heat up until it started to burn Merle’s palm. Then Merle dropped it, and it rolled to Taako’s feet.

Taako bent over to pick it up.

“Don’t touch that!” Merle said. “It’s very temperamental, and sometimes it doesn’t even let me hold it.”

“The I first time I picked it up, it bitch-slapped me across the icosagon,” Magnus put in.

“The point is,” Merle said with a sigh, “the Umbra Staff is very volatile, even around the people it knows. I don’t want to think about what it might do to a complete stranger.”

Taako raised an eyebrow, and picked up the umbrella. When his hand closed around the handle of the staff, it crackled with lighting, just like it had done for him so long ago(Taako supposed that it wasn’t long ago; it had never happened) in Wave Echo Cave, just like it hadn’t for Merle.

Taako leaned on the Umbra Staff like a cane, a smug grin on his face at Magnus and Merle’s open mouths.

Magnus reacted first. “He did something to the Umbra Staff!” He shouted, pulling out Railsplitter.

Merle was holding his arm up like he was about to slam the X-Treme Teen Bible down on Taako’s skull, assuming that he could reach that high. “You’ve got ten seconds to give us a good reason to trust you!”

“Merle is a disgusting person who fucked a plant to open a door,” Taako said casually. “Magnus is training to be a rogue with Carey Fangbattle. You met the Grim Reaper during Candlenights, and his name is Kravitz. You both have bounties on your heads for dying and not checking in to the astral plane.” Taako rattled off the facts as though they were nothing. “Need I go on, or do you trust me enough to go inside my stagecoach where we can talk in private?”

Angus walked over to Taako. “I want to know what’s going on,” he said. “I say we trust him. At the very least, we should trust him enough to hear him out, right?”

Magnus put away Railsplitter, and Taako whirled around and walked inside of the stagecoach, waving them inside.

Angus, Merle, and Magnus walked inside. Taako was sitting on a tiny bed, the Umbra Staff on his lap, Temporal Chalice in his hand. He smiled at them. “Have a seat,” the elf said, and Magnus and Angus sat down. Merle just leaned against the wall.

“Alright,” Taako said. “What I’m gonna tell you is gonna sound absolutely insane, but you’re gonna have to bear with me here.”

Angus nodded and pulled out a notebook and a pencil from his pocket.

“To summarize: I know you guys, because I was a member of the Bureau of Balance. I was a Reclaimer, and the Umbra Staff was mine. I taught Agnes a few cantrips, we went looking for the Chalice, we found it in Refuge where there was this time loop thing going on. The Chalice made us all offers to fix the greatest mistakes of our lives, you both said no, but I didn’t. I created a new timeline, and here we are now.”

Angus had been writing furiously. “So, you fell under the thrall of the Chalice, sir?”

Taako shook his head. “Nope,” he said, popping the ‘P.’ He held up the Chalice. “It was an open sales pitch. No mind control whatsoever.”

Magnus stood up abruptly. “You left us behind in that other timeline.” There was a cold anger in his voice.

“Yeah. What of it?” Taako asked.

“I certainly know what the biggest mistake of my life was, and it’s what I have wanted for over half a decade!” Magnus’s voice was angrier as he walked over to Taako, and Taako felt scared. He had never, in any of their adventures, been scared of Magnus.

Magnus grabbed Taako by his collar and lifted the elf up so that they were eye level. “Dammit, if I didn’t go back in time to save my wife, then what the hell could be so important that you left your friends behind and broke time itself?” The Umbra Staff, which had fallen to to the ground, zapped Magnus’s foot. Magnus dropped Taako.

Taako’s ears flattened against his head. “Glamour Springs,” Taako whispered, tracing the delicate cogs on the Chalice with his finger. “In the old timeline, forty people died after eating my cooking. It was my assistant, Sazed, that had poisoned it, but I’d thought it was just a result of carelessness. In any case, it was still my selfishness that-” Taako started crying. He hadn’t thought about Glamour Springs in almost a year. Some days, he could almost pretend it was a bad dream. He pulled the brim of his hat over his face to hide the tears, letting the Chalice fall to the ground. It rolled a few feet away from him.

His face was red and blotchy, and he wiped his nose. “Besides, it didn’t matter, we weren’t really friends, and-and you guys would have tossed me aside once we got all the Relics, and I don’t want to be alone, I’ve always been alone, and-and I wouldn’t have even had my cooking show, I would have been all alone again, and-” he trailed off into gibberish.  “Magnus, you promised-you promised that you wouldn’t judge either of us for what we chose.”

“Taako, I’m sorry,” Taako didn’t hear Magnus say, because all Taako could think was what was I thinking, bringing them here? They couldn’t possibly understand what we went through in that timeline, couldn’t possibly understand how close we were as friends.

Then the idea hit him.

I can have a do-over. Go back in time. This time, I can hide the Chalice from Angus, I don’t have to call down the Reclaimers, and everything will be perfect, because when it comes to emotions, “Taako’s good out here,” he whispered, releasing the brim of his hat.

He didn’t really hear Magnus yelling at Merle about using the spell Calm Emotions, didn’t really hear Angus asking Taako what he had said. All Taako could hear was his own voice, repeating the mantra like a metronome who’s swinging he depended upon to live.

The Umbra Staff rolled over to his hand, and if he’d been thinking about it, he might have wondered how it had rolled on its own, but he wasn’t thinking about it. His hand closed around the handle, which began to heat up. Not enough to hurt Taako, but enough to comfort him, like a warm hand might. It was enough to pull Taako out of the haze in his mind.

Merle opened his X-Treme Teen Bible and cast Sleep on the elf. Taako resisted at first, but he was so exhausted, and his friends were by his side, the Umbra Staff in his hand, and he felt safe. So after a moment of fighting to remain conscious, Taako allowed himself to drift off to sleep.

Merle glanced at the Umbra Staff, which Taako was clinging to like it was his only comfort. “Why does he get to twirl it around and hug it when I can’t even hold it without the damn thing trying to kill me?”

“Maybe the Umbra Staff doesn’t appreciate plant fetishes?” Magnus suggested.

“Har dee har har,” Merle said dryly.

“Sirs? Should you grab the Chalice?” Angus asked.

Magnus sighed. “Yeah, probably.”

“What are we gonna do about Taako?” Merle asked.

“Fix the mistake of the brother that isn’t,” Angus murmured, realizing what Istus meant.

“Hm?” Merle hummed.

“When I was doing Seeker stuff in that desert town, Refuge, I went to the temple of Istus, and the goddess appeared in front of me,” Angus explained. “She told me that I needed to the ones who should have been her emissaries that when the time comes, they’d have to fix the mistake of their brother that isn’t. Then, I saw both of your faces in”

“What does that even mean?” Magnus asked.

“‘The brother that isn’t’ is Taako, you two should have been her emissaries, and the mistake that Taako made was using the Chalice to turn back time!” Angus said excitedly.

Merle and Magnus didn’t seem to share his enthusiasm. “But Angus, how do we fix a problem like that?” Merle asked dubiously.

Magnus and Merle silently brainstormed for a few minutes, or at the very least, that was what Angus hoped they were doing.

“What if we-”

“We aren’t using the Chalice.”

“Nevermind.”

Angus bit his lip as he tapped his pencil against his nose. “Well, what if we went to a temple of Istus and asked her for help?”

Merle patted Angus’s head. “That’s not half bad,” he said. “Let’s wake up Taako, and uh…do either of you know where the nearest temple of Istus is?”

Angus and Magnus shook their heads. “Aren’t you the cleric here?” Magnus asked, eyeing Merle.

“I’m a cleric of Pan, you walnut!”

“The only one I know about is the one in Refuge,” Angus said. “And Daggerford is about a day’s ride from Refuge.”

“Wake up Taako,” Merle said. “We can use his stagecoach.”

Magnus didn’t remember knowing Taako, but all the same, he felt compelled to help the elf. He wasn’t entirely sure why he wanted to help, but he did. He smacked Taako at 2% power so as not to hurt him.

Taako woke up, mumbling sleepily. “Lemme ‘lone,” he slurred, batting at the air.

Magnus picked up Taako, and set him back down upright. “Wake up,” he said. “We’re going to fix your screw up, and to do that, we need you to drive us to Refuge, m’kay?”

Taako nodded his head, yawning. “Okay,” he said. I’ll leave the stagecoach here at a valet, and we can take the supplies wagon. The stagecoach is heavier, so we’ll get there faster in the wagon.”

By the time the stagecoach was in a valet, Taako, Merle, and Angus were in the back of the wagon, and they were on the road it was night.

Magnus was driving, because he had vehicle proficiency. “Trust me, if we run into any trouble with the law, I’m the guy you want at the wheel,” Magnus had said, and no one really thought it was worth it to argue with the fighter.

Taako was checking all of the supplies against his list. Perhaps it was a pointless effort since he might be restarting this timeline anyways, but the mindless task took his mind off of everything else.

Angus was sound asleep under the tarp that was his makeshift blanket, using a pile of Sizzle It Up T-shirts as a pillow. He was such a quiet sleeper that it was easy for Magnus, Taako, and Merle to forget that he was there at all.

Merle was using Magnus’s axe, which glowed with divine Light, to read from his X-Treme Teen Bible. Occasionally, he’d mutter something that neither of the two that were awake could hear.

“Whatcha doing?” Taako asked the dwarf curiously.

“Studying my cantrips,” Merle responded, and Taako laughed.

“You can just say masturbating, you don’t have to use weird euphemisms!” Taako said, grinning at Merle. Merle couldn’t see the grin in the darkness, but he could hear it in Taako’s voice.

“I’m deep in thought!” Merle said angrily.

“Don’t come in mom, I’m studying my cantrips!” Magnus’s hearty laugh drifted back from the driver’s seat.

Taako laughed along with the big man. Really, it feels exactly the same as it had on the road to Phandalin, he thought. With Angus asleep, it was just the three of them, traveling together in a wagon. Just like old times.

Of course, the circumstances were very different than old times. Magnus and Merle had a bond with each other, and Taako felt as though he had a bond with them, but they didn’t have a bond with Taako. How could they?

Taako finished the inventory check long after Merle had extinguished the light and gone to sleep. He climbed into the driver’s seat next to Magnus, who looked at him in surprise.

“Hey Taako,” greeted Magnus. “How come you’re still awake?”

Taako shrugged. “Not tired,” he said. It was a lie, and a bad one considering that he yawned immediately after saying it, but it was a lie that Magnus chose to ignore.

“Cool,” Magnus said. There was a brief pause. “Tell me about the other timeline. The one you left.”

Taako looked at him in mild surprise. “What do you want to know?”

“Well, I want to know about the Bureau, and the three of us, and basically whatever you’re willing to talk about,” Magnus said. “How’d we meet?”

Taako smiled. “Well I guess it started with Craigslist,” he began. He went through the adventures of the Tres Horny Boys, bit by bit. Magnus was a good listener, laughing at all the right parts, his eyes widening in shock at some.

“And I said ‘Hey thug, what’s your name? I’m about to tentacle your dick!’ And I cast Evard’s Black Tentacles on him! The best part? He blushed!” Taako said, howling in laughter.

Magnus laughed heartily. “Man Taako, I wish you’d been in our party. Your timeline sounds way more interesting than this one!” He shielded his eyes as the first rays of sunlight hit them. “Holy shit dude, we’ve been up all night,” Magnus said.

Taako yawned. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He stretched, the Umbra Staff in his hand.

“That umbrella suits you a lot better than it suits Merle,” Magnus commented.

“Everything suits me better than it suits Merle,” Taako said matter-of-factly.

“I heard that!” the pair heard Merle grouse as he climbed beside Taako.

“Well you can’t argue with the truth, old man!” Taako said with a laugh.

“What are you two talking about anyways?” Merle asked.

“Taako’s telling me about the other timeline!” Magnus said excitedly. “It was so much cooler than this timeline.”

Merle yawned. “Oh. Well don’t stop on my account,” he said, waving his hand in a gesture that said ‘go on.’

Taako grinned. “I’d just seduced the grim reaper with oily black tentacles,” Taako said.

Angus woke up an two and a half hours later to the laughter of the Tres Horny Boys. “Morning sirs,” he said, rubbing his eyes. “Are we almost to Refuge?”

“Yep!” Magnus said. “We’re about five minutes away.”

“That’s great!” Angus said.

Ten minutes later, they were at the temple of Istus.

Magnus glanced at Merle. “So, do you have any idea how this works?” He asked. “Summoning Istus, I mean.”

Merle rolled his eyes. “I told you, I’m a cleric of Pan. I don’t know shit about Istus, other than that she’s the goddess of fate.”

“Sirs, you may want to look up,” Angus said, pointing to the tapestry depicting happy people in the embrace of Istus. And just below the tapestry, in the flesh, was Istus.

She smiled. “Hello again, Angus. It’s nice to meet you again as well, Merle, and Magnus.” Her smile fell a little bit. “Taako.”

Taako looked down at his feet. “Hey Istus. Long time, no see, huh?”

Merle knelt on the floor.  “Oh great and holy Bismuth-”

Istus chuckled. “It’s Istus, actually,” she corrected. Her gaze turned to Taako. “Taako,” she began. “When you agreed to be my emissary, one of the things we specifically talked about was not tampering with fate.”

“Well, I didn’t plan to get tempted by the Relic. It’s just-” Taako looked up. “Well, it was the biggest fuck up of my life, yeah? And- and I got the chance to fix it, so I did it, and I fucked up even more by doing that, so what I’m asking is for you to please help me fix it!” Taako blurted out the whole thing in a single breath. “Please. I-I want to make this right, so-” He held out the Chalice. “Please take this, and use it to fix everything!” He looked down at his shoes, his grip on the Umbra Staff tight.

Taako felt the Chalice leave his hand. “You did indeed, fuck up pretty badly,” he heard Istus say. “But you also want to fix your fuck up.” Taako felt a warm hand on his shoulder, and he looked up. Istus was smiling. “And I will do this for you. I do not know what consequences you will have back in the timeline where you belong, and I cannot help you out of those, but I will right this wrong.”

Taako was beaming. “Thank you,” he said. He turned around, and tossed the Umbra Staff to Merle, who caught it. It zapped him. “Take care of yourselves, homies!” He turned back to Istus. “What do I do now?”

Istus tugged a single thread loose from her scarf, and handed it to him. “Walk to the Davy Lamp, don’t look back, and don’t let go until you get there,” she instructed. She handed him the Chalice. “Don’t you need to take this back up to the moon with you?” She asked.

Taako turned around, and began walking with the thread in one hand, the Chalice in the other.

And though he doesn’t see it, can’t see it because it’s behind him, things are changing. Magnus and Merle materialize in the Davy Lamp’s white space with June; they’ve just watched Taako disappear after using the Chalice. Angus is back up on the moon base, practicing Prestidigitation and hoping that Taako will return to the moon base to see it. Taako’s stagecoach is gone, and so is the supplies wagon.

And then Taako is back in the Davy Lamp, and he sees Merle and Magnus, his best friends, and they’re frozen in time, sniffling, shock evident on their faces. He releases the thread, and Istus begins to knit reality back together. Taako is wearing the skirt he bought at the Fantasy Costco, the Umbra Staff is at his side. His bracer weaves itself onto his arm, and time unfreezes.

“Hail and well met, my dudes,” Taako said, leaning on the Umbra Staff like a cane.

Magnus and Merle looked up. “Taako!” Magnus enveloped the wizard in a great big hug. “I thought you used the Chalice!”

“I did,” Taako said, making no attempt to free himself from Magnus’s arms. “But it was pretty shitty, so I decided that fuck that, this timeline was cooler,” he lied. “So I’m back, I’m here to stay, and you can let go now, okay?”

Magnus hugged him tighter.

“Careful, my dude. You’re going to break my ribs.” But Taako didn’t try to break out of the hug. “You did hear me, right? I’m not going anywhere, Taako’s good out here.” And he knew that he was good out here.

Better yet, for the first time in eight years, he was home.