#it’s 7 am and I haven’t been to sleep at all since 11 pm night before last | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

brooooswriting · 2 years ago

Note

ma am I saw your post and I when I was about to request.

SITUATIOND PART 6 HELL YEAH

take your time and have a good day <3

Situations 6

Situations 1, situations 2, situations 3, situations 4, situations 5, situations 7

Jenna Ortega x reader

That night Kara came to your apartment around 11:30 pm. After you shot another text to her mom the girl settled into the guest room, you’ve always liked their mother and their mother has always been a big fan of your. To be honest you probably liked her the most from the whole family, sure Mia and Kara were nice and their father was too, but Miriam, their mother, has always given you the space and time to talk and be yourself.

Anyway, after the younger girl settled into your guest room down the hall you decided to wake Jenna as she peacefully slept on the couch with her head against the arm rest. She looked cute as your bigger clothes engulfed her petite frame while the blanket was half on top of her and the rest was on the ground.

“Jenna” you mumbled as you crouched down next to her, your hand lightly stroking her arm. The only response you really got was a grumble causing you to chuckle before trying again. “Come on, it’s 11:30. Do you wanna sleep over or should I drive you home?” You whispered again, not really getting an answer until her arms wrapped around your arm and pulled you close. “Wanna stay over?” You asked again, she grumbled again and then nodded.

After 10 more minutes of trying to get her to walk to the bedroom you just decided to pick her up and carry her there. “Is it okay if we sleep in the same bed?” You were aware of the fact that the two of you had already slept in the same bed once and that not even four hours ago you were kissing on the street, but you still wanted to make sure that the girl is comfortable. “If you aren’t then I might just go home” she answered.

After you were done laughing you laid next to her, giving her the opportunity to cuddle up to you. She backed up into you causing you to spoon her, your head on top of hers and her hands holding yours over her stomach. You haven’t fallen asleep that quickly in weeks.

The next morning you were awoken at around 4 am by someone knocking on your door, or rather trying to knock thru it. You carefully parted from the sleeping actress in your arms to open the door before the loud sound woke her or Kara up. In front of the door stood Mia, her face red and angry, her hand in the air to knock again. “Mia, it’s 4 am. What the hell do you want?” You asked kinda pissed, you normally didn’t have a problem with waking up early but a) this was the first night since Jenna had went Radio silence on you that you weren’t drunk and b) you had the most perfect girl sleeping in your bed.

“How dare you leave Kara alone at a party full of people she doesn’t know?!” She screamed as she pushed past you into the room. “First of all, lower your voice, there are people sleeping in this apartment. And second of all, I asked her and your mom, they were fine with it. She didn’t wanna leave so why should she?” You were really confused, Mia always left her younger sister somewhere alone, so why was this suddenly a problem? “You left her for that girl, that bitch that ghosted you remember?” She did in fact barely lower her voice, giving you a headache. “I left because I got into a fight” you were telling the truth, you didn’t leave for Jenna or anything, you just couldn’t stand that guy anymore. “A fight you got into because of that… that girl” you sighed, trying to calm yourself, “I got into a fight because the guy was homophobic and tried to tell her what to do. As a woman I would have said something about it no matter who” you tried to explain calmly while the blonde paced through the living room.

“You shouldn’t even talk to her anymore. After our night together, we could be something. Let her be so we can continue dating, two nights ago was a great start” she told you, confusing you. You tried to remember what had happened two nights ago but the only thing you could remember was her coming over when you were black out drunk. The next thing you knew was you waking up in underwear in your bed. “What are you talking about?” You asked causing her to gasp, “we made love honey” now was your time to gasp. “Mia, when you came over I was completely drunk, black out drunk. I barely remember you coming over. We 100% did not make love” you tried to stay calm but the whole situation gave you a migraine and scared you. “We did, sure you were drunk but you looked at me like you wanted me and then I” she couldn’t finish her sentence as Jenna suddenly exited your bed room.

“I think you should go” she told the girl as she stood tall. “I think you can’t tell me what to do” the blonde answered and just as you were about to say something, the small actress pushed the girl out and closed the apartment door after whispering something. “Jenna” you started but she disappeared into the bed room, slamming the door.

You fell on to the couch, searching for any memories of that night, but none came up. She never even felt the slightest bit attracted to Mia, never did so why would do make a move all of the sudden? You didn’t get to think too long as your bed room door opened and the brunette stepped out. Slowly sitting down beside you, her shoulder pumping against yours.

“Do you really not remember anything? I want the whole story or I’m leaving” Her voice was small and shaky. You could see tear stains on her face, some new, some older. “No, I don’t. After you went radio silent on me, I was a bit of a wreck and the first three nights I went to parties and got shitfaced, just like three nights ago. I called Mike but he was out of state so I guess he send Mia. Anyway, the last thing I really remember from that night was opening her the door and her brining a bottle of tequila. I believe I was crying, complaining about how I could be so stupid to let my feelings ruin you and me. The next morning is also a bit of a blur but I do remember waking up in underwear and finding one of Mia’s shirts. But I guessed that we were too drunk to change… the only thing I’m rather sure about is not making a move on her” you had tears welling up in your eyes, hiding your face in your hands as your elbows were placed on your knees.

A soft sigh came from your right before two arms wrapped around your shoulder to pull you into her. She placed soft kissed against your temple. “I’m so sorry” she mumbled as she rubbed your back. “For what?” You lifted your face from your hands to look at her brown eyes, “Darling, it’s not your fault. I was being irresponsible, I should have guessed that this would happen.” The actress shook her head, her hands finding your face, “none of this is your fault. You shouldn’t be scared of friends taking advantage of you when you’re drunk! It’s not your fault”

You nodded before she lightly kissed your lips, making sure that you were okay with the physical contact. “How about we go back to bed huh? It’s 4:30, we can sleep a bit and then make breakfast” you nodded before standing up and pulling her along with your intervened hands. It didn’t take you long to fall asleep as you were exhausted from what just happened.

You were woken up again at 8 but this time by Jenna stroking your hair to wake you up. “Good morning” she mumbled as she kissed your cheek, “morning love” you rasped out as kissed her hand.

After both of you showered, on your own, and you lend her some of your clothes you made breakfast for yourselves and Kara. “You really aren’t helpful hun” you giggled as she sat on the counter and ate the fruit you just cut, “I give you company so I am in fact helpful” you both laughed as you flipped the pancake.

When the whole table was set and the food was done you went to take the fruit from Jenna who tried to keep it out of your reach, after a small wrestling break you went to wake Kara up.

“Kara, breakfast is ready” you told her after you knocked on the door. The okay that followed was your sign to go back to the kitchen, “she’s coming” you told the brunette as you sat down next to her. “Is this gonna be weird?” She asked as you sat down, “I mean, she’s her sister, isn’t she gonna be on her side?” She continued looking into her cup as she swirled the liquid inside. “Kara has always been pretty easy, she makes up her own mind but tolerates nearly everything, so as long as you don’t start hating on her sister and answer her questions truthfully she’ll be fine”

And that was exactly how it was, after Kara asked some questions about Jenna in general, she started asking about the incident. “What’s gonna happen between you and Mia now?” She asked as she cut her pancake, “well, you know that her and I will never be a thing right? Your sister and I are/were great friends but I never felt a romantic connection and that won’t change. Plus, I do have Jenna. Right now; i will take some distance from her and then we can decide.”

After breakfast you decided to drive Kara home as you didn’t want her to take the bus. “You’re coming along right? I don’t wanna go there alone” Jenna never saw you so unsure and it broke her heart. “Of course I am” so all three of you got in the truck as you started the drive toward Kara’s household.

Turns out, Jenna and Kara do have a lot in common, especially their music taste as they were giving throughout the whole ride. “Sorry to interrupt this small concert but we arrived at your destination” you told them as you lowered the music. While you were saying your goodbyes, Miriam came to your car. “Y/n, it’s so nice to see you!! Thank you again for taking Kara” she said happily, causing you to smile. “Why don’t you come over for family dinner tomorrow?” You dreaded this question, gripping the steering wheel tighter, “I’d love to, but Mia and I need some time from each other. I’m sorry” Jenna’s thumb rubbed over your hand while Miriam smiled at you comfortingly. “It’s okay. I get it” after a moment of silence she continued, “is this pretty girl your girlfriend?” She was looking at Jenna who was smiling back at her. You leaned closer to the older woman, “well I do hope that this pretty girl will be my girl soon” you whispered so the actress couldn’t hear you. Miriam cooed before her husband called her inside causing all of you to say your goodbyes.

“So how does a first date sound?” You asked as you drove away from the house.

—————————————————-

I’m sorry this is very short but I’m in a bit of a stress as I’m having my graduation exams soon and I barely studied until now and it’s really fucking me up. So I’m sorry if this is full of mistakes or shitty :/

#reader insert #brooooswriting #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega x you #jenna ortega #jenna ortega x y/n #wednesday addams x reader #jenna #wednesday x reader #wednesday addams x you

322 notes · View notes

la-principessa-nuova · 4 months ago

Text

I’m definitely on a sort of downward spiral of distractibility and sleep schedule.

My official plan is to sleep 12am-8am and work 9am-5pm.

I was doing so well last year, typically falling asleep somewhere between 11 and 1, and waking up naturally somewhere between 7 and 8.

Then in early December, I had the moment where I understood my gender dysphoria and that I needed to transition, and that night I stayed up until 4 am reading about gender dysphoria and then until 5 am taking notes about it and buying stuff to try out presenting femme.

I never fully recovered from that night.

Eventually, around the time I started therapy, I mostly solved the issue (not because the therapy helped me with it, but more like being in a better place helped me get through finding a therapist finally). I was going to bed like 1-3 am, waking up 8:30-9 on weekdays, 8:30-11 on weekends.

Then I came out to my mom and sister, and there were a few nights after that where they unexpectedly came over with a barrage of questions and “concerns” and every time I��d planned on doing something else and so when they left I just continued on as if they hadn’t been there and stayed up late.

But then I got in the habit again of staying up until after 3am, with most nights not being in bed until 4am and so many nights that i’m up past 5am.

so then i sleep through my 8am alarm and usually wake up to my 9am one, check my email and teams on my phone, and if there’s nothing important, i go back to sleep.

So like right now it’s 12:15pm, and I haven’t gotten out bed to start working yet, aside from a few emails I read and archived in bed. Luckily the nature of my job doesn’t require me to do it on a schedule, aside from if i have meetings or someone asks me something, so I’ve been able to work around it mostly, except the part where I’m soooi tired all the time bc even with sleeping in, i’m only getting like 4-6 hours per night.

And I have an interview today for a job that would require me to get out of bed every morning and be on a call at 9 AM, and I kind of can’t imagine that even though I did it for years with no problem.

But I just keep getting so distracted. Like last night I went upstairs at like 11ish PM. I went up because I had an idea for a comic that I wanted to make, that I’d gotten distracted when I tried to make it earlier, and I sat down thinking I’ll do a quick doodle of it to get the idea out, maybe finish it, and be in bed by 1 AM. Then I got more distracted and ended up not staring drawing until almost 1 AM.

But it’s OK, I told myself, I’ll just doodle the concept really quickly and go to bed. Then I got hyper-focused on drawing, and suddenly it was, no joke, after 5 AM.

When I saw how late it was, I immediately went to bed. But by the time I fell asleep it was after 5:30.

But, like, the less I sleep the easier I get distracted and hyperfocus on the wrong things, and the more I do that, the less I sleep. It’s a vicious cycle.

I have some ideas to try to get myself back on track, but PDA makes it a real struggle to stick to plans that are ultimately about getting me to stop doing what I want and yield my time, since as soon as I go to sleep, my time is over and the next thing I have to do is work again.

#adhd #autism #audhd #pda autism #transgender #trans #pda profile #neurodivergence #neurodivergent #adult adhd

3 notes · View notes

yokitoshi · 1 month ago

Text

i have actually been single for over 5 years now wowzers but tbh its not really much of a surprise considering what i have went through during those 5 years

yup thats right heres a personal post

please check the tags before reading and if anything in the tags triggers you please do not read as it is not my intention of triggering anyone but i am posting it for me, and if none of the tags trigger you feel free to read

it honestly feels like i went through several lifetimes since 2019, i was pretty active on here from 2016-2019 for me it was an addiction for me i said i was gonna quit many times but couldn’t because of how often i was on here despite it being toxic for me.

but what exactly got me to quit, well i started when i got a new job, its not a bad job or anything but it was a full time job and it took me 90 minutes to go to work and another 90 minutes to go back home and i worked from 3:30 pm until 11:30 pm and i would get home at around 1:15 am

about 3 weeks later my girlfriend at the time broke up with me, and tbh it started a downhill spiral for me, i have been depressed for a long time, believe it or not i got diagnosed with depression when i was 10 but tbh i showed symptoms of depression at 7/8 but im not gonna say what caused it but you can probably guess what it is

ok i got sidetracked thats gonna happen alot, at around the same time my ex broke up with me i met this co worker, who i had a crush on, she was not attracted to me because shes straight and i identified as female back then. it at first started as a nice friendship but dark clouds appeared very quickly.

like i said before i have been depressed for a long time and that always caused me problems and this time was no different, i was severely suicidal during this friendship and was in the psych ward twice, and during that period i was extremely toxic, i cut off all my friends except her and my other work friends, but to be honest i am glad i did since many of them constantly made fun of me and to be honest i hated them for it.

ok sidetracked again oops, well this friend did try to “save me” as i would say back then, i would constantly talk about how i didn’t want to live anymore which was 100% true but saying that to people is pretty toxic and tbh if you have a friend like that unfortunately its bet to sever ties with that friend, which she eventually did during the beginning of covid.

but heres the odd part, when i wasn’t speaking to her or wasnt around her, i wasn’t as suicidal, and when we stopped talking i felt less suicidal.

i am honestly not sure what was causing this but i am glad that friendship is over because i haven’t been like that since well actually i wasnt that awful then either.

granted she wasnt perfect she was often condescending and kept trying to convince me that i want kids which by the way i do not want kids, she didnt like when i dressed more masculine or wear some of my masculije clothing, despite me saying repeatedly that i am genderfluid so the way i dress is different each day, of course back then i always wear makeup and tbh on good days all i could think about was makeup which feels surreal to me considering that i barely wear any makeup now.

when covid lockdown started i was lost, my whole work day routine was gone, my weekend routine was gone, it was pure chaos for me because it meant my routines are thrown out the window even my sleep schedule was messed up before covid on weekdays i went to bed at 2 and and woke up 9:30 am and leave for work at 11:30 am and go for long walks before my shift started at 3:30 pm

during covid i would wake up at 4pm and go to bed at 7 am which is honestly a terrible sleep schedule unless you work late evening and night shifts

during covid i helped take care of my avó who had alzheimers but it was more hands on and it gave me a regular sleep schedule and it gave me a regular routine for 8 months while work wasnt available to me, i did go back to work for 6 months at home before being out of work due to the company i work for ran out of work for me and many other co workers

im a video game tester and productionon video games would either get delayed or cancelled entirely including the game i was testing for 6 months, it was bittersweet because i couldn’t work anymore but i got to see my avó more.

september 2021 was a terrifying time for me my mom had open heart surgery, and my avó had to live with my uncle (my moms brother) which she did for a year and while my mom recovered i couldn’t go to my uncles on weekdays because i cant drive and my dad was taking care of my mom, my sibling who had top surgery around the same time (my sibling is nonbinary) and he worked full time so prioties changed but my uncle ended up bringing my avó over frequently so i got to see her alot,

my mom recovered she was actually in better shape a week post op than she was pre op so thats good.

during this time i made a new best friend who was really nice and had a funny sense of humor, actually i made two friends one of them is nylocke and we talk almost everyday, the other friendship didnt.

see one of my best friends (the one i dont talk tk anymore) got in a relationship, it wasnt me being jealous, but i realized that my ex best friends partner was not the nicest person in the world but they often complained about my ex best friend and honestly they made my ex best friend feel like shit and honestly me with my big moutb i had to speak up and their partner turned the tables around and said i was in love with my ex best friend was trying to date them and was trying to trick them into dating me, they werent my type and why would i try dating someone in a relationship. but their partner was the jealous type and they terrified me, i do miss my ex best friend but it’s probably for the best that they cut me out.

november 2022 was my avós 81st birthday, we didnt know it at the time but it was her last birthday, leas than a week later she got covid im not sure how she got it but she got it, she did survive covid and during that time the hospital got my avó into a care facility which meant she had full time care, her own room and bathroom, she loved living there and loved her room, most of her memory was gone she couldn’t remember my name, not even my deadname,

my avó passed away in september 2023 and it was the wors day of my life, i was extremely depressed i wasn’t suicidal this time around but i did feel lost and i felt like i lost my purpose in life, it took over a year for me to stop calling her old phone number that was disconnected. i still think about her everyday, and i still miss her so much.

i miss you avó small

now what does this have to do with me staying songle? basically what i am saying is for 5 years i had no time for dating but now i finally have the time to start dating again and i am thinking of dating again soon. basically what i am saying is i am finally ready to move forward and it was a long journey to heal from all the drama that came in the last 5 years

0 notes

jodilin65 · 27 years ago

Text

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 9, 1997 Good news regarding Mom. Well, last night Tom realized that she forgot names. Not that she couldn’t talk. However, he went to see her today and she’s doing much better. She’s much more coherent, remembers names, and is moving better. She also has her short-term memory back, which she lost and there are no signs of paralysis. The neurologists did a battery of tests on her and she’s now speaking much better.

I slept from about 11 AM - 5 PM and before going to sleep, I called Tammy. First, she did her usual. She told me how sick she’s been and then I told her about mom. She was very sorry and said she’d call our folks. She also gave suggestions about aftercare for her, since she knows a lot about this.

Tom went to bed at around 6 PM. The poor guy’s beat and hasn’t slept much in the last few days. Even I’m still tired.

At 7:30, just as I finished typing them a letter which I’ll still send out, Mom and Dad called and we really, really did have a pleasant talk. I thanked them for caring and for listening to me. I told them the latest scoop on Ma. They too, were truly sorry and concerned and wanted to know what hospital she was in. The same one I was in, Good Samaritan. And then they said they’re sending out those pictures on Monday and a metal flagpole. They asked what kinds of flags I like and I told them I don’t dig fruits or sports or dull colors and how I dig pink, purple, music, dance, animal and flower-related stuff. Mainly bright colors. He asked what cartoon ones I liked and I told him I liked the Snoopy one I’ve drawn a lot. I’m sending them a really nice, colorful drawing of a pretty floral flag of theirs. I had forgotten the name of it and didn’t know the name of the flowers. They didn’t mention anything about my telling them just how I feel about them telling me what to say, so that’s nice and appreciated.

I told my folks I’d keep them updated, let Tom know they called, and tomorrow I’ll call Tammy, thank her for being my interpreter, and give her the latest scoop.

About 20 minutes after I spoke to Mom and Dad, I got a weird call. The woman said she was Margaret S, she wanted to talk to Jodi "Lee," she saw me on the computer. Do I still have that nice long hair? She’s now in Mesa at Johnny and Marie’s place, not California.

Then I realized it was Ma’s sister who was about the same age. She said Ma says lots of lovely things about me, how it’s cool I’m Jewish, and that she wished I could’ve helped her when she had her stroke. From what she said, she could hear and see, but couldn’t talk. So, I told her I was Jodi Lin and that it’d be nice if she at least knew the alphabet. I think all people in all the different kinds of medical fields should at least know the alphabet if not signs. She says she wanted to meet me, liked my attitude, and felt very comfortable talking to me, who she didn’t know and who she’d only heard about, and she says that’s not like her. She says she’s going to be moving into a senior apartment complex. We must’ve talked for a half hour and at one point I told her to make a fist. Then I told her that was the letter S, so she already learned a letter. It’d be nice to teach Mom the alphabet. At one point, she weirded out on me and said something about her son and me having some relation to Jesus and that Jews are the special people who were chosen. Of course, I’m thinking to myself, well, I’ve been chosen to have a great husband, some fun talents and skills, to live in Arizona. But not to have a child.

Now here’s my weird news, speaking of my wacky plumbing. I’ve never had anything like this. Since wiping off the two spots I wiped off yesterday, I haven’t had a thing since, and now it’s about 30 hours later. I was so sure I’d wake up with cramps and some kind of flow, but nope. This is even stranger and less than I had last August. I had spots every few hours back then, but now you’re talking over a day with nothing, since the last few spots.

Tom still insists I’m fine, but I know damn good and well what it is. God’s just teasing me and getting me back, since over the last month or so, I must’ve sworn at him more than I have in a few years. So what am I gonna do? Spot every 6 months? I guess so. If I were fertile, though, I know there’s no way I could be pregnant. That shot during mid-cycle just wasn’t enough. Also, the few spots I did have are almost guaranteed to take out anything with it that could’ve begun to form in there. And lastly, I’m sure that by tomorrow, if not, by Monday, I’ll have some kind of a flow. I don’t see how I couldn’t and I’d bet my life on the fact that this isn’t it. If I don’t get a full flow within a day or two, then I’m sure I will before two weeks go by. I flowed after that 2-week spot attack. The build-up leading up to this is a carbon copy, though, of before I spotted last August. No PMS of any kind, except for sore tits. No being horny. All I have now is sore tits, but once again, it’s basically only one tit. The other one’s not really sore at all.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 1997 Well, I was right. I said about a week and a half ago that something bad would happen and once again, here we are in the eye of the storm. Or am I supposed to say: the storm? Yes, the storm. And 1997, which is far from over, is going to be anything but a great year. It’s going to be a nightmare.

Tom’s mom had a stroke and is now in the hospital. The stroke affected her speech mostly, and she’s unaware of her right side. The muscles and all that work, but she’s not able to function properly or make much sense.

What is it about odd number years? I’ve noticed that at least as far back as 1983, odd-number years seem to be much worse than even-number years.

Also, if I thought I was fertile and that we could have a child, I’d seriously suspect that God was trying to stall us and hold us off till I was near 40.

This hasn’t been discussed yet, is far from etched in stone, and may or may not ever happen, but Tom and I talked about Mom living here. I know she’s a very understanding and accepting woman, who’s very tolerable and patient, but I’d really have to keep my many depression and anger spells in check. I’m going to have to whisper to Tom about my emotions, sterility, and whatever else. Sex may be infrequent, but for the most part that’s the way it’s always going to be. Every time we get on a roll with that, something comes up and I can see our sex life becoming less and less of an occurrence. Especially during this year and probably for the next 2-3 years. Tom said, though, that Mom’s no stranger to depression and that when he was little, she went through serious depression and was put on all those pills I hate. He said my music wouldn’t bother her and not to worry about her thinking I was crazy due to my schedule. He said she’d be so appreciative of us helping her out that she’d deal with and accept how we were and what we did. Also, going on trips would be no problem, cuz she could stay with Mary or with someone. If I were fertile, though, we’d have to wait on the kid. Maybe Tom would agree with me, maybe not, but I don’t think that would be very fair to Mom to put her through that and I don’t think I could juggle the kid and mom. The kid would be way more than enough and remember, I can’t handle a child. That’s one of the many reasons I’m sterile. However, since we’re the ones in the family that will always be childless, I think we’re the perfect candidates for taking her in if need be, and I really like the idea. She’s a sweet lady and I feel comfortable around her. Also, I think we’d be able to entertain each other well. I can see her enjoying telling me stories about her life, her sewing, and more, and I can see me telling her and showing her all about the things I do. Also, I’m sure that if one of us needed some space and time alone, that’d be no problem. The only question is where she would sleep. Would she bring her bed over here? Well, we’ll work this out when and if she does move in here, but with me having no other possible life, I think this could be good for all of us. Maybe this is something God had planned for me and one of the many reasons why he sterilized me. So I could be available to help her. She’s helped us tremendously.

My being psychic really is a curse, not a gift. I knew this was coming, but I didn’t know who or any details and I was off by a few days or so. Tom was right, though, when he said that my knowing it, even if I knew it in full detail, wouldn’t have stopped it. And if I’d told Ma, she’d just worry like crazy. There’s no controlling what I know I’m/we’re/someone’s in for. I just have to sit back and let it happen, against my will.

As I told Tom, I see lots of trauma, disaster, sadness, fury, illness, and even death this year. Something about the number 77 comes to mind as far as his mom’s concerned, but I’m not sure what it means. Tom said that’s not good, though. Many years ago, his ma said she knew she was gonna die at 70-something, but he can’t remember the exact year. Anyway, I see something not too cool going down this year with his ma, my dad, and us. I know there’s more, but I have no clues as to what it could be all about. The only thing I can think of that could go down with us is a doctor telling us, “Yes, she’s right. She’s sterile,” but I still doubt I’ll ever get up the nerve to go to a doctor about this and risk trouble from God. I couldn’t do that without major encouragement and you know how it goes, you can’t encourage or discourage someone else. Only they can encourage or discourage themselves, right? Well, I can’t encourage myself. So, hopefully, the bad thing on us won’t be God killing Tom or hurting him in any way. I know we’ll never be divorced. We’ll never have a child, so there’s nothing that I can think of, to put this marriage at risk.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 1997 I’m very depressed and angry right now. I didn’t feel any cramps or any pain of any kind, so I wasn’t expecting to wipe the few spots of reddish-pink blood I wiped off when I went to pee. So, this is going to be a normal period, huh? What’s normal for me, anyhow. It may be light, but tomorrow I’ll have a fuller flow with cramps. Then the next day I’ll spot off and it’ll be just about over till next month.

And I thought this new little plan of ours was helping me? Well, I obviously thought wrong. I just thought what I wanted to think. I just wanted to believe it’d help me to feel like not having a kid wasn’t the end of the world. Once again, I’m left with anger and hatred towards God, feeling like a freak, hopeless, empty. What am I here for?! If God won’t let me move forward, what does he want me to do, move backward? I tell myself I should go back to dancing. It’s better than cleaning. I hate having to pay others’ incomes, but with two incomes now it won’t hurt as much, some money’s better than none, I’ll get back in shape, and it’s all God would allow for me, next to cleaning or being some kind of cashier. But I refuse to settle! I’ve settled enough! I’ll just be the nothing, nobody, half-woman that I am. It’s like I’ve stepped outside my own body, watching myself be molded, controlled and made to be what God wants, not what I want. I told God, “I hate you! How dare you let murderers have it all. Children, good health, money, the works. But I can’t have my dream and therefore, neither can my husband. All we want is a child. Just a child. We may as well be asking to walk out into our backyard and find a million dollars sitting there, not for a child. We can’t ask for or have a child. That’s too much. Too far out. Too unheard of. Too abnormal. All cuz we didn’t kill in the name of you.” I try to tell myself it’s only cuz God’s looking out for me cuz he knows I could never handle it. Not with my screwy schedule and lungs. But no, he’s punishing me, cuz if he can do anything, why can’t he make me handle it? Why can’t he just put me on a normal schedule, make me repulsed at the idea of smoking and let me take it from there? Cuz he doesn’t give a shit. Cuz he hates me. Cuz he hates my husband and is also punishing him through punishing me.

I want to talk to Tom about how I feel when he comes home, but it won’t change a thing and he’ll just say I’m all wrong and not believe me. He doesn’t believe in women’s intuition, dream premonitions, and being psychic. But each month that I get my period, whether it’s one of those months we hit it right or not, is a sad and scary reminder of just what a half-woman I am and all I can do is think of that dream. That dream wasn’t just a dream. It meant something. It was a tell-tale sign of reality and of what my logic and woman’s intuition has always told me.

A part of me wants to rebel against God and get the years of testing going and tell Dr. Rugg to set us up for testing, even though I know I won’t win and will be told what I already know and what I don’t want to hear. This way, maybe Tom won’t be telling me when I’m 80 that I was always OK and that we just didn’t hit it right.

The other part knows that if I did that, not only would it get me nowhere, but that’s asking for major trouble from God and I don’t want to put my life or my husband’s life in any kind of danger.

I still have death thoughts. I mean, what’s the purpose of my being here? To take up space, cost money, bitch to my husband about stuff that can’t be changed, do my hobbies and clean? I’ve definitely lived my life. My life is surely over. There’s nothing more I can do or achieve. Nothing I could want as bad as a kid. The only way I can literally move on would be to die. That way I can either go to hell, if there is one, and I’ve been in hell enough here, or maybe I’ll come back and kill someone, then have it all. Or at least my top dreams.

I have a husband that’s straight out of a fairytale. I don’t have to be drugged up, live in the places I’ve lived in, be around the people I’ve been around, so, why isn’t that enough? Isn’t it selfish and wrong of me to want more and to want a child, anyway? Why can’t I just be happy with the way things are? It comes back to the same answer, though. I love my husband, I love my hobbies, but I want a child. I don’t want to be or do what God wants me to be or do. I want a child. My husband wants a child. I don’t want to just accept and leave things the way they are, but what kind of wife am I? Just a wife who can’t give her husband or herself what they really want most, besides each other.

All I am is a dreamer. That’s all my life has been based upon are dreams. Wishing I could always keep a schedule, quit smoking, and have a kid. Well, there’s no reason to keep a schedule, except for a few appointments here and there. There’s no reason to quit smoking since I only sing as a hobby and since there’ll never be a child to be up for constantly, day after day, and therefore not wanting the effects of cigarettes to make that all the harder to do and put me at risk of an ER attack, and I certainly don’t want to add any more years to this empty, hopeless life of mine that’s over. And they say your life is over once you have a kid? Well, I wish it was over for that purpose, but no, it’s over cuz I can’t do or have anything I really want. Yes, we may have newer and better gadgets and things, move someday, take a nice trip to California, but that’s it. The first best dream is out of the question.

I almost wish I could go kill Quinn as that way Andy won’t have to worry about going back to him and that way there’ll be one less sicko in this world and then maybe God will love us enough to give us what he gives to 98% of the world. A child. A simple child. Not lots of them. Not a couple of them. Just one child.

Now I look at the what-ifs. What if I hadn’t been a DES daughter? What if I had been fertile? What if I did get pregnant? Would it have made me as happier and as fulfilled as I always believed it would? Or would God have killed it or would he have made me miserable all over again in a new and different way? Could my body really take it? Would I really lose my mind? Would I be another Dureen? Would our marriage get worse or end? Well, no one will ever know the answers to these questions.

Would taking the pregnancy test at the end of this month really be wise? I mean, why should I be a sucker and even more of a fool? A sterile woman taking a pregnancy test? Oh, please!

All I know is that I’ve got to do something. I can’t keep going on like this and going through this month after month, year after year, but you know what? There’s not a damn thing I can do, compliments of God. I’m only right where he wants me to be and right where I’ll always be, with no way to fix this, and with no way out. I can do absolutely nothing about this. My life and my body just don’t belong to me.

I also tell myself a lot, well, if you were just better in bed, maybe Tom would get off more. OK, so I’m not great in bed, and if he got off more and was happy with that, great. But that’s all he could be about it - happy. Not making me pregnant. It doesn’t matter how often we screw, how good we are in bed, how often he gets off, or how happy he is about getting off little, a medium amount, or a lot, I love our fun, I want to get better in bed, I want my husband to be sexually satisfied, happy, complete, but that’s about all that can ever happen and I don’t know about that either. My talents lie in art and music, not sex. I believe Tom when he tells me I’m beautiful and that what he sees doesn’t matter, cuz it’s what his emotions are that counts, but I’m still not the slim, fit person I once was, either.

Later…

Just went to take a dump and this time I wiped nothing off. The spots I had earlier were not enough to flow onto a liner. I still don’t know if I buy the fact that I’ve heard that most women who are in the early stages of pregnancy bleed to some degree or have spots. Pregnant women don’t bleed or spot, do they? Not unless they’re having a miscarriage.

I shouldn’t have thrown my old typed journal stuff to the recyclers. I should’ve used the backs of those sheets for drafts.

I changed Gizzy’s cage the other day. What a breeze it was! It only took me a few minutes.

I did a couple more face drawings yesterday that came out pretty well. Of course, this is one of my trade-offs and compensations for being sterile. Bet I couldn’t draw or sing if I could have a child!

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 6, 1997 No lights or cars next door at all from the late afternoon till now.

Miss Hawaii won the Miss USA Pageant.

After tomorrow I’ll be free to not worry about my schedule. I must say I’m proud of myself, though. I really thought that by now, I’d be having a hard time waking up before 4 PM. This must be the longest time I’ve held my schedule within a 4-5-hour time frame in years.

Nicole Brown Simpson and her pal Ronald Goldman, were murdered by O.J. Simpson, of course, and their parents just won an 8.5-million-dollar lawsuit against O.J. O.J. must’ve not had an all-black jury this time around and I still can’t believe some woman like me hasn’t killed him. This killer’s very lucky to be alive, but God would and will see to it that someone like O.J. lives a long, healthy life, with life’s finest offerings and material stuff.

I’m very glad the Browns and the Goldmans won their settlements and I never thought they would, but there are 4 problems with this. O.J. isn’t going to be killed or at least sued like he should be, the Browns and Goldmans will never collect a dime of this settlement, and even if the Browns and Goldmans got the full settlement, O.J. will still be rich. Lastly, O.J. still gets to keep his kids.

Is this a sick world and God we have, or what?

The sick assholes in court say that there’s such a bond between him and the kids and that just cuz he could and did kill his wife, doesn’t mean he can and will kill his kids. Oh yeah?! Well, let me tell you - as soon as those kids step out of line and really piss him off, he will kill them, too. Those kids are in danger and who the fuck do the courts think they’re kidding? Well, I just hope the kids see their dad for what he really is, break away from him and never associate with him. I would think that at least 1 or 2 out of the 4 kids will really wonder about him as they get older, realize the danger there is in being around him, and get away and stay away.

So, that’s the scoop on O.J. Meanwhile, I don’t want to hear his name. I don’t want to see his face. The thought or sight of him makes me sick and madly furious.

Fuck you, God! Just fuck you! For the way you allow this world to be and for the way you run and control my life and body (yes, I think I’ve felt some light pre-cramps). I know I’m gonna get my period. What else is new? It’s the story of my life. However, why do I feel a few so faintly? In fact, I’m not even totally sure they were pre-cramps, but why don’t I have strong, very obvious pre-cramps? Oh well. Tomorrow for sure.

I just hope God doesn’t fuck around with me. I mean, there’s no reason why I should have spots or any other weird episode, but why do I have a very strong feeling that this will not be a normal period? You know, as in too damn light? God’s adding insult to injury. If I must have all my periods, can’t they be normal, so I don’t have to have all this water on me?

After tomorrow night, I’ll be having Andy over to get his birthday presents. The journal and the soap puzzle book. I hope he likes them.

My sore throat is gone now, so that’s one less thing to have to deal with and worry about.

Tomorrow, after seeing Dr. Nielsen, we’re gonna go pick up invoice forms. AMEX needs that in order to pay him. We also have to pick up some stamps.

Tom’s so sweet. He’s gonna give me $20 out of the $200 for testing his program and giving him feedback. With that, plus my $10 of spending money for next month, I’m gonna get two mugs and two puzzles. This is cool, cuz I had thought I was gonna have to wait till May or June for this.

I wish to hell my folk’s package would hurry up and get here! I can’t wait to see these pictures and show them to Tom.

Well, that’s it, I’m out of here!

Later…

Went to see Nielsen today and all looks great. I don’t have to see him again till August 7th.

I’m still having fantastic PMS luck. And I thought last month’s PMS was the easiest? No way. This one’s the easiest I’ve had in probably years. I have no pre-cramps and I’m still not sure if I felt slight pre-cramps last night or not. It was probably just the normal feelings a body feels at times. It’s really weird that I’m not depressed, irritable or horny, but I can’t complain. Tom couldn’t get hit with this AMEX job at a better time, since now’s when I’m usually very horny and want him around as much as possible.

Like I said before, I have a feeling this isn’t going to be a normal period. I have a feeling I’m in for a very light and quick period or another spot attack. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if that were to be my present from God for saying and writing all the things I’ve said and written about him, but hey, I honestly feel the way I do and I wouldn’t have said and written these things if I didn’t. He took away my right to have a child. He can’t punish me any more than he already has, so, go on God, spot me out all you want, or have something go wrong. I’ve been expecting it. It’s about time, huh? I did say that this was to be the year, after all, that sterility would be “proven” so to speak. In a way that even Tom won’t be able to deny. I still don’t know, though, if I could possibly have a problem with some gland or hormones, but we’ll see in March.

The constant peeing has stopped, but I’m still 104. I wonder if I’ll be 106 after I have whatever kind of a period I’m to have when it should be the other way around. You should drop weight after a period. For a while there, I would be at 99, then about 102 at PMS and period times, then go right back to 99 afterward, but not anymore. Who knows, maybe I will have a normal period after all, but there is still something in the back of my mind that says, I don’t think so! As long as God can be kind enough to keep me from having to have any surgery. I’ve had enough. Well, Tom is right more than most of the time, so if he says there’s a 1% chance that something’s wrong, then I believe him. I want to believe him.

I still have a feeling, also, that there’s some other reason for his wanting to get a pregnancy test at the end of this month. If he really wanted to learn about how the test works and all about it, he could research it in an encyclopedia or on AOL or the web. I asked him this and he said something about their information not always being accurate. Oh. Anyway, I’m gonna feel really weird doing this - a sterile woman taking a pregnancy test. What a joke! The question is why is he suddenly so curious and interested in this now? What does he want to do this for? Is there some other reason he hasn’t told me about? If he thought I was pregnant, he’d have said so, and again, how could I be if I were fertile? The shot in the right time frame was too wimpy and I could barely feel it and the bed wasn’t so soaked. The biggie was too late.

Well, all I can do is hope to hell I get a normal period and lose this water. That’s the only choice, next to having a half-assed period or spots and still being all watery.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 5, 1997 Got up at 1 PM today. Only one more day left to hold my schedule steady - yeah! Tomorrow I can sleep till 2:00. I’ll shower tonight, so I won’t have to worry about that tomorrow.

Now AMEX is paying Tom $200 instead of $50. They want him to make a major change in their label printing thing, not a minor change. He wants me to help him out by formatting some disks for his friend Eileen (they used to work together at AMEX), but I don’t know if I know how. Do I? I can’t remember, but if not, he’ll show me what to do.

If I’ve got my facts straight, he’s taking this work to AMEX on Friday, then following Eileen home to do work for her on her computer. She’s gonna pay him, too. In case I didn’t say so before, Eileen and her husband are in their 60s.

So far, my predictions that I wrote down (he did too), that’s sealed in an envelope and not to be read till April 1st, are ringing very true. I saw this extra money coming in, but I didn’t know the source. I couldn’t have said it’d be due to AMEX and Eileen. The only thing I may be wrong on that I predicted would be the amount of his cumming. I said he’d still be cumming 1-3 times a month. We’ll see, but I wouldn’t be surprised, though, if some kind of shit hit the fan making us not have the time to see just how much more or not he could cum.

The freeloaders left before I got up and when I checked a couple of hours ago, I saw one of those city neighborhood vehicles there again, but it wasn’t a van with that logo on it, it was a car. Come to think of it, I don’t think they need a rent sign up. I believe there never was a rent sign up at the house Andy’s renting and that he found it by checking newspaper ads and I think that’s the case here. It’s just in the paper and on fliers.

Later…

I've been regular, haven’t eaten yet, and I still weigh a damn 104 lbs.

That mouse’s cage needs to be changed ASAP for sure. It reeks!

I had a sore throat last night and today. Luckily, though, it’s better and I don’t feel like I have a cold.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 4, 1997 Just got off the phone with Sandy and Jen. I screwed up, though. I thought that Jen’s birthday was today and that Sandy’s was tomorrow, but it’s the other way around. Oh, well, no big deal, as they said.

Then I called Larry at work. He said it’s gonna be a while before he’s in a talking mood and in the mood for jokes, but he and the others are doing remarkably well. I don’t think one can talk about something too much, in my opinion, but I was afraid they wouldn’t talk enough, as it sounds like they’re balancing communication, work, and other stuff quite well. They are a very strong family. I reminded Larry that if he needed someone to talk to, I was there for him and he appreciated that. That’s all anyone can do for him or any of them I guess.

The phone’s ringing now and I’m sure it’s Andy. I don’t feel like talking as long as he likes to, so I’ll let him leave a message. I hope he’s OK. He’s still putting up with Quinn’s abuse and he called me yesterday about it. He can come to me anytime with any problem, but I wish he’d just ditch this asshole for once and for all. He’s never let anyone else treat him the way he lets Quinn treat him and it’s ridiculous. What happened to the Andy that has self-respect and doesn’t take any shit he doesn’t deserve? I really think he’s mistaking lust for love, but only he knows how he truly feels. Still, how can you love someone who cuts you down all the time and who’s always threatening you? Wouldn’t he or anyone rather be alone than be in a bad relationship? I just want to go over there and shake this guy. I wish he’d move out of state but fat chance. Well, hopefully, he’ll end up in jail for years but fat chance again. These are the kinds of sick assholes that God gives it all to and that are very lucky in money, health, escaping the law, etc.

I hope I finally get the stuff Ma’s sending today and I wish to hell I’d get a call or a letter from Anne and Harry and Paula, but I don’t know about that.

I’m having major PMS luck. All I have is tits that are a bit sore and today’s the second day I’ve been stuck. I won’t count the bloating, since I’m bloated all the time. I have no pre-cramps, but I’m sure they’re well on their way. I’m only 4-5 days away from my rag, so I should get hit pretty hard with cramps any second now.

Of course, now’s when God takes complete control over my body and I have no say in it whatsoever. I say I want to be pregnant, God laughs and makes me get my period. I’m sure it’ll be real light again, though, but all my rights go to him now. There isn’t a damn thing I can do to take charge of my own body.

Today AMEX called Tom (where he used to work), and they want to pay him to do some programming to make some changes to some kind of labels they use for something.

AOL is so fucked up and I’m so sick of their shit. All kinds of people are filing lawsuits against them, cuz it’s so hard to get online. Either that or they’re deliberately kicking people off-line, cuz they just don’t have enough phones and equipment to handle the high volume of traffic. They switched to flat rates just so they could fuck with everyone. They figured they wouldn’t make it easy for people, since they gave us all a break with flat-rate fees.

I’m not sure now if next door really is moving or not. I still see no car over there, but in the early evenings there are lights on usually, then they go off at around 9:30 when she goes to bed. I believe she and the kid get picked up by her dad at around 7:30 AM. There’s also no for-rent or for-sale sign up. This must explain why I don’t have the “new tenant jitters.”

Tom and I agreed to take $10 a month for each of us to buy whatever we want. He used his $10 at the racetrack and I used my $10 to get a new cat mug (a Maine Coon). I also got the animals a treat. I may save the next 3-4 months’ worth of money, so I can buy 2 mugs and 2 puzzles. I certainly won’t be needing journals for quite a while. I’m about at the end of this one, but I have 6 blanks left.

Later…

Yesterday, Tom and I also went to the library where I got two more Dean Koontz books. I also got two audio cassettes where Norah reads the life story of Jill Ireland. I believe she was an actress, too.

Well, now I’ve got to go dry the clothes I’m washing now.

Later…

Tom said to wake him up if he’s not up by 10:00.

I finally did a duty, so no more being stuck.

I think I mentioned sending an email to a theater that I thought may be able to give me an address to send Norah fan mail, but I had no luck. They sent a reply back saying they knew nothing about it or anyone else that did. So, I just tried somewhere else, but I doubt I’ll ever find a way to write to her. I’m still trying to find an address for Writers/Artists. That’s the agency she works for.

Still nothing yet from Mom and Dad, but I sent their letter out today. The one setting them straight about not telling me what to do and all about how I’ll do and say what I so desire. They can either bitch about it or accept it, but that is the way it’s gonna be.

I also sent them a copy of He Was Only Sixteen.

I see a light on next door. I never heard any car doors, signaling someone may have been dropped off there and now I think that they may have a light on a timer to make it look like someone’s there at least in the early evenings. Maybe they have it set to go on at around 7 PM - 10 PM. Maybe they’ve been staying at their new place for the most part during these last several months. Someone had to have been there Sunday night, though, or very early Monday morning, to put their recycle can out, cuz we saw it out there when we left in the mid-afternoon to go to the library and the pet store.

I’m just so amazed at this awesome PMS I’m having. It’s weird, though, how I’m not really horny every minute like I usually am at this time, and a part of me hopes he wakes up too late for sex. Maybe I’ll get in the mood later, though. Still no pre-cramps, but I know that within the next 24 hours, I’m gonna get slammed with them big time. I can tell, though, that this period is gonna be way too light, so all the more, I’ll be retaining more water. I researched water retention in AOL’s encyclopedia and it suggests something could not only be wacky with the hormones but also with the pituitary or thyroid glands, though I hope not. I don’t want to have to deal with any bullshit or pop pills, but if it’ll help me, I suppose it’d be for the better. I just want to know why I’m like this and what I can do about it and that is, after all, what I’m mainly seeing Rugg about.

Later…

Well, the freeloader just came in at a little past 11:00. I’ve never known him to come in at that hour. The music was at a reasonable volume, but I have a feeling that that may only have been due to his having the windows shut. I swear, though, if he goes back to his old earthquaking, bass-thumping shit, I’ll make the little bastard sorrier than all hell. What’s weird about it is why would he come in at just after 11:00? And why on a Tuesday night? I really thought the freeloaders wouldn’t be back till the weekend and no, they’re definitely not moving. That house for rent must’ve been a similarly designed house, but not on this street.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 1997 Still no one next door.

Anyway, I may need two Benadryls tonight.

Tom went to the track yesterday. He didn’t win, but he had fun.

Got up at 11 AM today and I only needed one Benadryl last night.

Anyway, now I can explain those “gone vibes” I had about next door and how I kept saying it seemed too good to be true that they’d stay here. Especially since they’ve shut up. It’s when they finally shut up that they move and I thought God was being way too nice as far as neighbors go and that it seemed a logical time for that house to turn over now. The last time we saw the Jeep over there was last Saturday or Sunday. Meanwhile, they take off frequently for a few days at a time.

However, Tom said someone came to the door this morning and thought this house was for rent. The description of the house, though, fit theirs to a T. They’re asking $675, though! Like Tom said, at that ridiculous price, it should be vacant till mid-summer, and then it should take several more months for the price to be talked down. Then he said that as the person was asking him about a house for rent (who knows why our address was on it), some car he never saw before drove in there. So, it looks like that place could be vacant for many months and I hope so. As soon as I hear kids using that basketball hoop or as soon as it looks vacant, I’ll lock the hoop up.

Of course, it could be a mistake altogether. It could be a different street or a completely different number than ours or theirs, but I doubt it. I think they’re moving out little by little and they’ll never be back as of any time now. They may already be gone for good.

I have no vibes yet on what’s coming in there next, but logic tells me that although that bass really frayed my nerves, God’s not gonna be so kind the next time around. Except for the bass, they were great neighbors. Well, I did just say, after all, that God’s been way too good to me lately, as far as neighbor’s noise goes. Also, it seemed the perfect time for them to move, now that they’re hardly ever there and have been quieter. God’s gonna get me good for these last several months of peace and really compensate the hell out of me. It’ll either be the bass that can wake me up or a bunch of loud kids, who scream and play ball constantly and have a dog or two. Yup, another M family.

Naturally, I don’t feel as victorious as I used to when seeing a prediction I’ve made come true. It now only serves as a reminder as to how right my vibe is about never having a kid.

Later…

Tom just did some awesome backyard work. He raked up those roof bits that were all over the lawn and he cut down half of the hedges against the wall that divides our backyard from theirs, where the clothesline is.

He said he could hear someone working over there. Maybe it’s the landlord getting the place ready for the next tenants, that’ll hopefully not move in for a year. Now that’s asking for way too much. I guess I sense that the new people will move in in 6-9 months, but that’s pushing it. That’d take major luck, even if the price is outrageous. I just hope that everyone who comes to see it doesn’t like what they see for as long as possible, though.

Tom had wondered why a truck didn’t come to move them out. Well, a truck didn’t come to move them in, either. There was a truck there, but it was only some kind of service truck. Mike had told me they moved in little by little over about a month’s time, so obviously, they’ve been moving out little by little. That must explain why I hear so many doors shut when they leave. Cuz each time they’ve come around, which has been once or twice a week over the last several months, they’ve taken something with them. At least I won’t have to worry about some summer parties. I’m sure that if they had been here this summer, there’d have been a few all-day parties just like last summer. It did always seem that these were hot-weather people.

Once again, sterility’s so obvious. How could I have a lifelong vibe hold up since I've known Tom then suddenly end up being wrong while I predict other smaller things accurately? There’s no way. I know I’m right about the sterility. I’m not gonna sense something like this so strongly all my life, then end up wrong.

Last night I had the best luck ever with drawing. I did another woman, just like the night before and it’s probably my best ever.

Later…

I just took all of my songs and put them each in different fonts. I’ll still keep those and my letters I do in different fonts, but from now on these journals will be in easy-to-read, complete fonts. Different colors, though.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 1, 1997 I have a couple of things to write about that are good news. In fact, I was so excited that I had trouble sleeping after taking the Benadryl and didn’t get up till 11 AM today. I’ve got to really watch it now. I still have 5 more days I can’t afford to wake up too late.

The minor piece of good news is that they did return last night. Well, I didn’t know they returned due to hearing them blast in, but due to looking and seeing the car there. They left again this morning before I woke up.

It’s been peacefully quiet today. Not even those damn dogs are going off.

The major piece of good news is that Tom broke a record and came last night. It hasn’t even been a week since he last came, and he’d normally go 2-4 weeks before cumming again! How wrong I was yet again! He believes it is definitely due to our new plan where I keep talking and keep getting things out before I blow up. In 4-to 5 days is where I’m gonna have to really watch it and keep it together as the PMS sets in. No pre-cramps today, but my tits are getting a bit sorer. Not too bad, though, like I thought it’d be.

I wish one of us had come up with this grand idea last July. I’m glad he thought of it, cuz I’d never have thought of it in a million years. Never again will I ever bash the idea of communication. I had thought it’d start fights, but nope, we just say what we feel and believe and that’s it, whether we agree with each other or not.

It was great to wake up today, for the first time in a while, and have good feelings and hope and positive energy. Although I know that some of these feelings may be false and just wishful thinking and that in the end, I won’t succeed, it’s still a nice breath of fresh air, rather than waking up with that typical feeling of doom and sadness. Followed by emptiness, anger, frustration, and just not wanting to live.

We have a case of too little and too late, though. Meaning, that even if I were as fertile as a Mexican, the last shot was too late and the one before it was too little.

Not only is Tom beating the pants off me as far as sexual progress goes, but he’s also proven to be a much better detective than I am. Especially with his much broader knowledge of computers, AOL, and the web.

He found the agency Norah works for and the drama school she went to in England. Also, the fact that she just performed there and is doing theater work. Lastly, a guy who claims to have a naked picture of her and that he gives pictures to people for free. Well, today I tried to find a way to send an email to these people and places to get the picture and to see if there’s an address to send her fan mail but had no luck. All I found was an address that might be that theater and I sent them mail asking them if they knew how I could send fan mail to her or someone else who knew how I could go about doing that.

I’ve been doing a cigarette experiment by smoking stronger cigarettes to see if it helps to cut me down. It is, but not by much. My lungs are OK, though.

I got very lucky with my drawing last night. Did one that was so-so, but I also did one that came out pretty darn good, and am happy with it. Still wish I could draw anything, anytime, though.

0 notes

threephantomrey · 9 months ago

Text

need to vent for a quick minute lol:

i’ve been having sleeping problems this whole year so far. the first two weeks especially were terrible. i had one night where i didn’t sleep at all and then the day after i did not sleep at all either like i was literally up for A WHOLE DAY AND DIDNT FALL ASLEEP AGAIN UNTIL 11:30 THE NEXT NIGHT. most nights this year i’ve woken up in the middle of the night at least once, with always a few sleepless nights during the month (the first two weeks were where i had the most sleepless nights which was literally almost every night) and there’s been a few days where i have woken up at 4:30-5 AM and could not get back to sleep so i was up the whole day after.

the night before last night i didn’t fall asleep until 2 AM and last night i went to bed at 9:30 PM and then woke up at either 12 or 12:30 AM and couldn’t get back to sleep until like 4 AM, and then i woke up at 5 and went back to sleep at 5:30 and woke up at 7.

and i’ve been having problems with sleeping because of my sleep anxiety, and i have that BECAUSE i’ve been having trouble sleeping. and it’s impossible to stop it. even though i have days where i worry less than others, i haven’t been able to go a day without any sort of sleep anxiety even though i try hard to not worry about it. and i’ve also been taking melatonin and magnesium since January and vitamin B8 alongside that since February. and i go to bed early every night like literally i go to bed at 9:30. i guess 9:30 might be too early for me like maybe i should try 9:45 or 10. also my wake up times are inconsistent and idk how im gonna fix that too.

and this is mostly why i’ve been feeling so miserable this year (there’s other reasons too but that’s the main one) like literally i’ve been having problems with this since midnight of January 1st. and this isn’t the first time i’ve had problems with sleeping for a period of time i had it when i was a sophomore in high school too, but that year i had trouble going back to sleep at all after waking up in the middle of the night for a good amount of nights in the first month i was having problems and also nights where i didn’t fall asleep until like 3 AM. the first was December of that year where i had 2 nights i couldn’t go back to sleep after waking up in the middle of the night and then for most of that month i just woke up in the middle of the night and went back to sleep until the last week where i either couldn’t get back to sleep after waking up at like 2 AM or couldn’t fall asleep until like 3 AM. and then when i started taking melatonin in the beginning of January i just had nights where i woke up in the middle of the night and went back to sleep every night or had some days where i would wake up from 3 AM-5 AM and not be able to go back to sleep for months after. and that’s where my sleep anxiety originally came from. like it took me until my Junior year of high school when i stopped taking melatonin for that to officially stop happening.

but even then after that i would wake up in the middle of the night or had sleepless nights more often than i used to before Sophomore year and tbh i still had sleep anxiety some nights before i would fall asleep. and i was kinda thinking about sophomore year back in December 2023 quite often so i guess that has something to do with what’s happening now.

and my sleeping problems are a big part of why i haven’t been in the correct state of mind to write fics or make videos this year so far and that’s why i’m on break from all that right now.

and i’ve really been trying to fix this. i get exercise daily and i try eating healthy and i try staying off my phone before bed and reading books instead and staying out of bed the whole day and writing down my thoughts in a notebook at night. idk what else to do. i’ve been to the doctor twice this year and he just said the cause of my sleeping problems is cause of my sleep anxiety both times. i just want to sleep a full night consistently again.

this year sucks so much for me like this is worse than sophomore year was. i think this year is the worst year of my life this is making my mental health bad. i miss 2023 so much. i want to be okay and happy again and to stop worrying about this forever but i don’t think i’m moving past this anytime soon :(

#a more personal post than most of the other posts i’ve made #sleeping problems #sleep anxiety #this post is very long oh my

0 notes

openheart12 · 4 years ago

Text

Safe and Sound

Summary: Michelle does make it to NHS and Tony meets her there.

Word Count: 2,058

When Sonny Macer handed her the envelope with her test results, she froze, expecting the worse. She took a deep breath, trying to get the courage to open it.

It was just a plain white envelope with the words “test results” written across it with the number 101 in the corner.

She wished Tony was here with her right now, but she had to be strong and with that, she tore open the envelope and read the results. The first time she read them didn’t feel real so she reread them a second, third, fourth, and fifth time. She double checked that these were actual results and saw that her name was printed at the top.

“Michelle Dessler Almeida. Results: Negative for Cordilla Virus Type B.”

The tension and uncertainty left her body and she relaxed for the first time in hours. She picked up her phone to call him, not knowing what to say but that didn’t matter. It was him, it was Tony.

“Almeida,” he answered.

“Hey, it’s me.”

“What’s going on?” he asked, his stomach churning at the thought of her test results.

She knew that he knew she would have her results by now and was anxiously waiting for them and all she could say was, “I’m okay, I’m not infected.” she said softly.

“Are you sure?” he asked in disbelief, the mortality rate was so high and he wasn’t ready to get his hopes up unless they were absolutely sure.

“Yeah, they did a swab and a blood test and I’m gonna be fine,” she let out a shaky sigh, repeating the words again, “I’m gonna be fine.” It was surreal.

Relief flooded through his body, he felt like he could breathe again. “Oh, sweetheart, that’s fantastic! Look, I want you to get out of there right now and get away from anyone who’s infected-”

Her heart swelled at how protective he was. “Oh, no, no sweetheart, they said that those of us who didn’t come down with the infection that we have an immunity to the virus.” she explained.

“Well, where are they taking you?” he just wanted to be wherever she was, they had been apart for long enough already.

“Downtown,” he heard her sniff before continuing, “to NHS, they want to keep us under watch for eighteen hours… but it’s just a formality.” she said before he could worry.

“Okay, I’ll get there as soon as I can.”

“No, no, uh, stay where you are. They need you at CTU. I can work from downtown.” she would do anything to see him but they still had to find the remaining virals of the virus.

“Honey, you don’t have to work,” he said softly. “We can handle it from here.”

“I wanna help, Tony,” she answered and he could tell from her voice that she needed a distraction until they could be together.

“Okay,” he relented. His emotions started to consume him, after realizing just how close he was to losing her. “Michelle?” he said, he wasn’t ready to hang up yet.

“Yeah?” she answered softly.

“I can’t believe I almost lost you,” he whispered, his voice breaking.

“I almost lost you too, but we’re still here.”

“Yeah.”

“I have to go,” she told him after seeing people from NHS coming down the hall. “I’ll call you from NHS.”

“Hey, I love you,” he told her.

“I love you so much.” She stayed on the call for a few more seconds until hanging up. She was one of the lucky ones, she got to go home after this awful day and she was reminded how unlucky others were when the agent in the room with her had undoubtedly gotten positive test results and her heart broke for him.

Just like her heart had broken for the rest of the people in the hotel: the innocent guests and her colleagues, Gael.

She just wanted to go home and be with her husband. ‘Eighteen hours,’ she thought with a small smile.

Less than an hour later, she and two others were being loaded up into a van that would be taking them downtown. As the van started leaving, she glanced back up the hotel where hundreds were dead or dying. Being there and witnessing it firsthand, it was traumatic and now she regretted telling Tony to stay at work because she wasn’t sure how much longer she could hold herself together.

After arriving at NHS, she had to undress and put a gown on. Her and the other two survivors were being isolated completely alone. Survivor. That’s what she was now. Both her and Tony were survivors today. She thought about how scared and helpless she felt when she found out he had been shot and could only imagine how he felt after finding out she was inside the hotel when the virus was released.

She pulled out a laptop Sonny had gotten for her and got straight to work, welcoming the distraction it brought. Nine hours later and the virus had been contained, all eleven virals were secured and the day had finally come to an end.

She picked up her ringing phone and put it to her ear, “Dessler.”

“Hey, it’s me,” she heard his voice answer. “I’m gonna be here probably another two hours and after that, I’ll go home and get you some clothes and meet you downtown.”

“You don’t have to do that, sweetheart,” she said, knowing that the day had taken a toll on him too and she was still worried about his neck.

“I want… I need to see you, Michelle.” he said, his voice heavy with emotion.

“Okay, okay.” she wasn’t going to argue about it because she was the same way when he got shot. She had to see him for herself to believe that he was okay and safe.

He saw Hammond walking up the stairs to his office and rolled his eyes. He just wanted more than a minute to talk to his wife. “I gotta go, baby, Hammond’s here.”

“Have fun with that,” she said, smiling.

“See you soon,” he promised before adding, “I love you.”

“I love you,” she said before hanging up.

She looked up at the clock and there was only nine hours to go. She closed her eyes for a few minutes to try to get some sleep.

About two and a half hours later, Tony pulled into the parking lot of the NHS. The reality that he was going to see his wife, alive and well, was setting in. He grabbed the bag he packed for her from their house and headed inside where he was greeted by Sonny with a wide grin.

“Hey, Tony. It’s so good to see you.”

“You too,” he smiled, giving her a quick hug. Sonny had become a close friend of theirs since she started to work for the NHS. “How is she?”

“She’s good, really good. She fell asleep after you guys hung up, I think the exhaustion finally caught up to her.”

“And there’s no chance that the results could be wrong?”

“No, she’s 100% healthy.”

“Can I see her?” he asked.

“Of course,” she smiled. “Follow me.” She led him down a series of hallways and they passed the two other people who were up and pacing around their rooms. Sonny stopped in front of a door and put in a code. “You can go in, this is the most private room we had and I figured you guys would like it.”

“Thank you, Sonny.”

“No problem… I’m really glad she’s okay,” she added softly.

“Me too.” he smiled and she left it at that. He turned his attention to the figure in the room, curled up on the bed and his heart swelled with overwhelming joy. She was beautiful, breath-taking, alive. He watched as her chest rose and fell rhythmically, peacefully. It was enough for tears to well up in his eyes. This was the first time he’d seen her in hours and she never looked more beautiful than she did right now.

The memories of the day came flooding back from when he got shot, to their arguing when he got back from the hospital, when she found out he lied to her for a month, when she went inside the hotel and the mere thought of losing her was too much, to now.

He watched her sleep for a couple more hours until she began to stir. He looked at the clock and only five hours remained. He got it and went to the glass that was separating them, placing his hand against it.

When she opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was him. “Hey,” she smiled, getting up and padding over to the glass.

“Hey, sweetheart. How ya doing?”

“Good, I can’t wait to get out of here.” she replied.

“Me neither, I miss you.”

“I’m right here,” she said, placing her hand over his on the glass. “By the way, what did Hammond want?”

He rolled his eyes at the thought of him and a laugh escaped past her lips. “Nothing, he just wanted to congratulate CTU on their work today, especially you, and told me we could have a couple weeks off after you debrief but I told him that could wait for a few days.”

“Thanks,” she gave him a half smile and he knew something was bothering her.

“What is it?”

“It’s just… I didn’t really do anything today except watching people die in agony. And I like the time off, but I like the distraction work brings. I’ve been replaying everything that happened in the hotel since I left it. I see the children who died and their parents had to watch, I see the elderly couple who were the first to take the suicide pills, I see Gael on that stretcher, I see the husbands and wives who died alone and then I think why me? Why am I immune and they’re not?”

“You helped every single one of those people today, Michelle. You gave them an option to end their pain and suffering which wasn’t an easy decision to make.”

“I shot a man, Tony. I killed him. I have a duty to protect the citizens of this country and I killed him.”

“You did what you had to do to protect other lives. You can’t blame yourself for this, Michelle. It’s not going to bring him back… or anyone else.”

“I know. It’s just… it’s just not fair. They couldn’t even say bye to their families and yet, I talked to you the entire time. Sometimes I called just to hear your voice and these people died all alone, surrounded by complete strangers.”

“Sweetheart, you can’t do this to yourself. You can’t question all the decisions you made or wonder what you could’ve done to prevent this. It was out of your hands and you did your job and I am so, so proud of you.”

“I just wanna go home, Tony. I’m so tired.” she said and he knew she didn’t just mean physically tired.

“Four hours,” he said softly. Only four hours to go until he could have her in his arms. “Why don’t you try to get some more rest?”

“You’re staying, right?” She didn’t want to be alone anymore.

“Of course, I’m not going anywhere,” he promised. He wasn’t leaving her again.

“Okay, love you,” she said, getting back into the bed and closing her eyes.

“I love you,” he whispered back.

He spent the next four hours just watching her, waiting for the time to pass until finally Sonny walked in with a huge grin.

“You ready?” She asked and he eagerly said yes.

She opened the door and let him pass through. He walked straight over to her and pushed a strand of hair out of her face. “Sweetheart, wake up,” he said gently.

“Tony?” She asked sleepily.

“The eighteen hours is over with.” At this she perked up.

Once she realized that he was right in front of her, nothing separating them anymore, she threw her arms around him. The force made him almost lose his balance.

“God, I love you.”

“I love you so much,” he said, tears in his eyes. “Let’s go home.”

“Let’s go home,” she repeated, her smile lighting up her face.

#24 the show #tony almeida x michelle dessler #michelle dessler #tony almeida #tony x michelle #24 fanfiction #24 #it’s 7 am and I haven’t been to sleep at all since 11 pm night before last #I’ve written 7 things and over 10000 words since 1:30 am

10 notes · View notes

swinterr · 4 years ago

Text

fic rec vii ♡

hi!

this is a another new set of fic rec and i’ll probably do a compilation of genre (?) just like the first ones.

read and support the fic and authors here: the fic rec ♡

made some changes like tidying up a bit and adding summary, for those that doesn’t have any summary i’ll try my best to add my own summary (it will probably be shit tho, i ain’t making a smut summary guys, i’m not confident in my describing a fic ability but i’ll try my best. if its in italic it means i made the summary hehez ) if the summary is shit, i made it okay.

a for angst

f for fluff

s for smut

// for series or list

kpop oc/s

1. jane by @baejiyeonz

2. bee by @purpleyellow

3. lian by @nct-lian

4. taehui by @jeontaehui

nct

sungchan

1. [10:47 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

haechan

1. [5:21] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

2. you’re warm by @dreamystuffers | f

- a drunk hyuck can only mean a clingy hyuck.

3. you’re short too by @pastelsicheng | f

- 5 times hyuck teases u for ur height.

4. no title by @heychan | s

- dirty thought cockwarming haechan and johnny comes in to the room while you are trying to hide it but haechan doesn’t care.

5. wishes by @lucaswithnoshirt | a f

- standing on stage is everything you’ve dreamed of. except in the time it’s taken you to get there, you’ve been dreaming about other things, too.

jaehyun

1. moving in: the series by @jaehyun-ified | f

- after agreeing to move-in with jaehyun, you decided to curate a little series on your channel to both give in to your viewer’s request to have jaehyun frequently on your contents and to document your moving in process with the love of you life.

2. [8:14 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

3. boyfriend by @simpsiren | a

- a relationship with jaehyun wasn’t always perfect. there wasn’t a definite label on it, which only sent the relationship down a complicated pathway as we tried to find the meaning of our love once again.

4. best part by @okayoongii | f

- don’t know how to describe this tho, just read it. also 10/10

5. can i help you? by @sugarjaee | f s

- when working an extra long shift at work, your boyfriend surprises you with a visit.

6. stages of love by @biletdoux | a f s

- a playlist for the trials and tribulations of a beating heart.

7. [9:04 am] by @jeongvision | // f

- domestic fluffy blurb. 10/10!!

8. suds by @kim-taehung | s

- first person to move does the dishes for a week. nothing is off-limits.

9. promise by @bvbyxuxi | f a

- jaehyun has loved you since you were both kids, things were going well until he messed everything up; meeting again as young adults, he refuses to let you go again but would you give him another chance?

mark

1. one minus on plus one by @wonjaekook | f a

- in all of the years you’ve known jungwoo, you should have figured out to not take his words at face value because, though you haven’t even met, mark lee seems to hate your guts.

2. [12:03] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

3. pretty boy by @epinebleue | f a

- fluff, the tiniest bit of angst, the reader is two years older than mark, jaehyun makes an appearance as the reader’s fuck buddy, use of alcohol and drugs (marijuana), mentions of violence (mark punches someone), smut (protected sex, inexperienced!mark, dry humping).

4. camera flash by @morkleemelon | f

- mark taking a picture but forgot to remove flash waking up oc, pretty fluffy and cute! 10/10!!!

5. retrouvailles by @kireimarkeu | f

- counting down the days until you finally see your long-distance boyfriend.

jungwoo

1. [1:14 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

johnny

1. man-icure by @haejunehui | f

- based on jcc ep. 26

taeyong

1. reverb by @lovingonrepeat | s

- taeyong + studio sex.

2. unspoken by @bvbyxuxi | f s

- you had never thought to see taeyong again after your one night stand with him until this year where he takes you by surprise; turns out he wasn’t the guy you sought him out to be after all.

ten

1. [2:32 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

lucas

1. [4:31 pm] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

2. king of hearts by @raibebe | f s a

- a little bit of everything, a chef’s kiss.

yuta

1. [5:51 pm ] by @dont-look-down-on-me | f

- based on the nct relay cam.

doyoung

1. redamancy by @heavenlyhaechan | f

- this is just so fluffy! i wished to be doyong gf please.

2. fools together by @yongiefilms | f

- two fools in love with each other?

3. acedia by @jaeminscoffee | f

- a day in the life of yours and doyoung's love life.

4. our little secret by @haejunehui | f

- read to know their little secret. hehe.

5. caught red handed by @hannie-dul-set | f

- all you wanted to do was take a picture of the handsome law student during your train ride home. you did not expect things to end up like this.

jeno

1. i see red by @0097linersb | s

- pure filth 🥵10/10 tho.

2. addiction by @love-mi | s f

- you and jeno keep your relationship a secret to avoid backlash from your companies and fans; but keeping himself away only makes him want you more.

3. surprise visit by @nakamotonudes | f s

- you hadn’t seen your boyfriend for over a month because of his hectic schedule so when he suddenly shows up at your place one night for a surprise visit, you both have to make every second worth it.

bts

jungkook

1. the pitter-patter of the heart by @koorara | f s a //

- pieces of newlywed domestic moments with jungkook, your husband. the young film and literature lecturer and his wife, you, who works as a journalist of a web magazine. both of you managing the career, the time for each other and the new house. not to forget, chip, the cat that has been with you for years.

2. please love me by @ahundredtimesover | // f s a

- as the only unmarried jeon and kim children, your families propose a union to symbolize your unbreakable bond that spans generations. but despite developing an affection for jungkook growing up, he never returned it; he never seemed to like you, actually. you’re okay with the proposal, but surprise surprise, he isn’t.

3. first love, last love by @floralseokjin | f s //

- a collection of drabbles following the longterm relationship between jungkook and you...

4. second chances by @parkhabits | a s

- work. one of the most important things to him. It kept him company at night, it was all he thought about, all he put his attention to. his work had become the mistress within your marriage. years after you left him you’re back with only one goal in mind. get him to sign the damn divorce papers. yet you should’ve known that your husband wouldn’t let you go that easily.

5. crush by @jungxk | f s

- jungkook woke up with amnesia (?) he totally forgets that he has a wife and child. and he totally has a huge crush on his wife.

6. bare necessities by @gguksgalaxy | f s a

- when you ask your boyfriend for a relaxing vacation you don’t exactly expect him to take you to disneyland out of all places. luckily, jungkook knows just how to get you to relax — being needy is definitely not the way. or is it…

7. krampus for christmas by @ddaenysus | f

- when your daughter overhears your nightly activities close to christmas, jungkook takes it upon himself to convince her it was the sounds of the legendary demon goat.

8. a date with destiny by @imjustfanfictrash | f s

- you are a boss lady in the tech industry traveling to world for work. he is a chart-topping artist touring the globe to perform in front of millions of fans. In the cosmos of life, you are not likely to cross paths. luckily, fate has a different plan for you two.

9. stranded by @gguksgalaxy | f s a

- jungkook’s offer to help you study for your exam is unwelcome. his entire presence is unwelcome. you don’t want help from the guy who passes all his classes without even trying. it’s annoying — he is annoying. from the way he grins whenever he catches you staring at him, to the way his eyes shine whenever he smiles at you. oh, and let’s not forget the way his tattoos shift when he stretches or the way his jawline sharpens when he’s focused. nope, you definitely can’t stand him.

10. sprout by @v-hope | f

- after a nice evening out with your friends, you find yourself coming home to your sleeping toddler and the new hairstyle she had tried on your husband.

11. friday nights and take-out by @ahundredtimesover | // f s a

- you meet pop star/idol jeon jungkook at the café, you get close, and as hyejin says, you’re like friends with benefits without the sex. but you’re bad at feelings and so is he.

12. jealousy by @ephemeralkookie | f s a

- jungkook’s closest friend, namjoon is getting married and he invited you three to his wedding. the only unexpected thing was jisoo, his ex, and we’ll just say that you were not too happy to see her flirting with your boyfriend right under your nose

13. a quarter past us by @jjiimin | f a

- when you break up with him out of fear of losing your freedom in university, he finds himself showing you why leaving him isn’t the answer.

14. pretty boy by @angelguk | // f s a

- alternatively known as the jock!jk universe drabbles in vague chronological order.

15. summer solstice by @boulevardk | s

- down on your luck and desperate for a successful harvest, you pray to the gods. you figure no one in heaven was listening to your prayers when nothing happens immediately. but one fateful night, your prayers are answered. are you willing to pay the price? the sacrifice might not be what you were expecting….

16. lilac wisteria by @blushoseoks | f a

- over the years, things change - but the one constant is your love for lilac wisterias.…okay, maybe jungkook’s been there too.or, alternatively:the first time jeon jungkook says that he is going to marry you, you are five years old sitting underneath a large wisteria tree.

17. obsessed with your ass by @kooklovesu | f s

- jungkook has an obsession with your body he cant get enough of praising you. he wasn’t comfy showing the world his affection towards you in public because he’s a private guy, but when he finally did, good luck.

18. from home by @gyukult | // f s a

- jungkook is the youngest of five boys, the last in line to truly inherit any his parents’ money. but what if his mom suddenly cuts him off due to his current poor behavior and he’s forced to learn how it feels like to be part of the working class?

19. black card by @minsprings | // f s

- black card fic and drabbles, also a chef’s kiss.

20. oh my god, they were (quarantined) roommates by @ot7always | f s

- what do you do when you’re quarantined for months on end with jeon jungkook - s tier cuddler, workout robot, and thirst trap extraordinaire? fuck him, you guess.

21. let the games begin by @venusiangguk | s

- just another fic where oc rides jk in his gaming chair pls still read it tho lmao its hot i promise

22. the probability of us by @jiminrings | f s

- jungkook’s the son of the university’s president, y/n’s cardigan is everyone’s favorite, and adjacent walls mean shared victories.

23. open when by @iluv-hobi | f

- jungkook likes to write letters to you, especially ones with purposes, like “open when ___”. one day, on a particularly bad day, you open, “open when you’ve had a shitty day”.

24. good day by @ilikemesometaetaes | f s

- his motive was made quite clear once he called you out of work. he just wanted to spend a nice day with his girlfriend. is that too much to ask for?

25. calculated by @whatifyoulivelikethat | // s

- some people would call you far too serious. some would call you stuck-up. and some would call you a bitch. but to freshman jeon jungkook, you’re the head calculus I TA noona – and he’s determined to fuck you.

26. brat taming by @sugasbabiie | s a f

- jungkook has been your roommate for almost a year. since the day he moved in he has acted like nothing but a spoiled little brat who is used to getting anything and anyone he wants. he eats your food, he doesn’t clean, he’s loud, oh and now he has colored his hair the exact shade of blonde as you. He’ll do anything to get under your skin. you’ve had enough of his filthy mouth and his fuckboy ways. it’s time to tame that bratty little roommate of yours. think you can handle it?

27. sugarplum energy by @bymoonchild | f s a

- you know no bounds nor depth with jungkook. while your fuck buddy loves sleeping in your bed and doing laundry for you with his favourite fabric softener, you are in love with a mysterious honeyed, velvety voice on soundcloud. all’s fine, until you find out that the voice that metaphors your heart to a sweet sugarplum melody actually belongs to the boy who has been taking up a special spot in your bed and in your heart, strumming at your heartstrings all this while. or, jungkook has one braincell, but it’s heart-shaped.

28. ancient history by @moononthejoon | a s f

- there is no way to deny that you and jungkook have chemistry. the two of you used to be a couple, after all. what happens when after a not-so-amicable breakup the two of you are cast as opposite leads of a movie?

29. that’s not daddy by @nochuobsessed | f

- jungkook comes home with a new hair color and his sons can’t tell if he’s appa or not. pretty cute! 10/10

30. no title by @himbojk | s

- jk got a blowie from his oc while on a zoom class meeting, like cam on with a whole set up but his oc under the table sucking the life out of him while he sits and tries to take notes .

31. dilf jk by @himbojk | // s f

- dilf jk drabbles.

32. no title by @himbojk | s

- blond jk with full tattoo sleeve who looks like the baddest boy but is actually baby and just wants a handie in the library while studying with his oc because she aspires to have those high grades.

33. no title by @noteguk | s

- bf!jungkook going down on the reader while they watch anime.

34. silent treatment by @blu-joons | f

- baby kook asking daddy kook to say sorry to mommy. 10/10 too!

35. getting railed by @dearlytea | s

- getting dicked by your boyfriend during a train ride.

36. the view by @koyamuses | s

- jungkook knows exactly what turns you on; every kink, every dirty fantasy that’s buried deep within your mind. he knows exactly how to make you beg for it.

37. let’s play: dirty by @jungkxook | f s

- on today’s stream, watch as the king of gaming jeon jungkook gets totally pwned by some newbie player on overwatch (he swears he was stream sniped)! to make matters worse, he can’t seem to focus anymore when you’re in the room but he promises that’s not because he’s in love with you or anything. use code ‘jungkook’ on any game purchase through steam at checkout for 25% off so that jungkook has something to feel better about! iloveyou btw!

38. more dilf!jk by @cutechim | s

- oc thirsting over jk, talk about finances, jungwoo is an innocent cock-block as infants are, disrespect towards a major film franchise.

39. you are inherently beautiful by @ggukachuwu | f a

- when y/n and jungkook accidentally reveal their relationship to the public because she walked in on him doing a vlive and now netizens and kmedia are tearing apart her appearance because y/n is chubby from struggling with pcos. jungkook takes it upon himself to cheer her up because he absolutely adores her.

40. morning with jk by @min-arya | f

- jungkook drabble of him catching his s/o admiring him in the morning with soft sleepy cuddles.

41. even a forest fire dies out by @9uk | a s

- it became from “grab a coffee with me?” to “why should I grab a coffee with you?” too fast for your liking. you had thought the both of you were so in love with each other—only to realise it was only you who had fallen into this trap of feelings. and as for jungkook, he might have just been as confused as you are.

42. all that we had by @starlightauroras-writes | a s

- four years, two months and five days ago, you lost the love of your life with no explanation. living with a failed marriage at such a young age without knowing why was impossibly hard, and when you’re invited to your high school reunion, knowing he would be there, you really don’t want to go. what happens when you do leaves you questioning fate.

43. aquarium by @whatifyoulivelikethat | // a

- life after jeon jungkook was grey. you had to find your own color, grow your own rainbow. but what would surprise you the most is the appearance of white cosmos, seven of them clutched tightly in kim taehyung’s hand.

44. contentment by @btsqualityy | f s

- oc’s using jk’s card to buy rug and the rest is history. 10/10!!

45. heartbreaker with a heart of gold by @filmflowersbangtan | a s

- love this!!! you know i love me some angst! 10/10!!!!!

46. the ikea test by @mercurygguk | f

- you and jeongguk face the IKEA test. successfully? sure!

47. before you universe by @ephemeralkookie | // a f s

- jungkook has taken a huge place in your life after he tattooed you, and you can’t even picture how life was before him. he has always been there for you since day one. but how will things change after you find out you’re pregnant?

48. christmas cream(pie) by @smoochkooks | s f

- a day before christmas dinner with your boyfriend’s parents, you discover another alternative way to use the chocolate cream you’re making. jungkook is more than willing to indulge in your little fantasy.

49. last minute by @moononthejoon | f s

- christmas day had gone by, and now you were back home after holidays with your family. your friends had agreed to have a late christmas party, but as always, you and jungkook procrastinated gift buying.

50. you go in knowing bros together by @blu-joons | f

- a cute fluffy knowing at knowing bros moment.

51. no title by @v-hope | f

- the way y/n would react when someone else flirts with jk and how he’d handle the situation.

52. hair dye by @mercurygguk | f s

- jungkook got his hair dyed while at work. you lose your mind the moment he steps through the door.

53. stay gold by @yeojaa | s

- blond!jk being a good boy?

54. crystal snow by @honeyj00ns | f

- when you join Jungkook and the rest of the guys for some fun in the snow, he can’t help but feel jealous.

55. 6:21 am by @sincerelyourfangirl | f

- in which he makes your morning extra special.

56. plan b by @btsracket | s

- dressing room quickie, unprotected sex request, use of Plan b pill

57. possession by @bngtanah | s

- jungkook is your boyfriend, sometimes you have to remind him what that means.

58. puffs and touches by @mintseesaw | f s

- “Stop doing that with your face, someone else is going to snatch you up”

59. the quiet things by @btsracket | s

- sleeping bag sex.

60. good boy by @ephemeralkookie | s

- secret, read to find out AHAHAHHA.

61. make it right by @jungkxook | a s

- you’re wholeheartedly, madly in love with jungkook and yet you shouldn’t be because it’s been almost a year since you broke up with him. worst part of it all is that you know he’s still in love with you too

62. it takes two by @junghelioseok | s

- struggling with the idea of your ex-boyfriend moving on, you enlist the help of your quiet roommate in a scheme that quickly spirals out of control.

jimin

1. picking petals by @cutechim | s

- you asked for a baby, so a baby is what you’re going to get.

taehyung

1. daddy by @btsracket | f s

- there’s only one choice when this happens on a date out.

2. love me or we both go down by @gukyi | f s a

- after going through with an arranged marriage to please his parents and secure his inheritance of the family business, kim taehyung thinks he’s got it all figured out. he doesn’t. apparently just being married to you isn’t enough, not when everybody and their mother can pick up on the fact that the two of you absolutely loathe each other. but taehyung wants his inheritance one way or another, so he decides that desperate times call for desperate measures: the two of you need to fall in love, and you need to fall in love fast.

3. saudade by @jiminssthetic | a s f

- a demanding idol lifestyle was something taehyung and yourself were all too familiar with. it wasn’t so hard when considering your unconditional love for one another, but lately, taehyung wasn’t the same anymore; and you decide it’s time to find out why.

4. ineffable by @99liners | f

- boyfriend taehyung takes care of his sick s/o.

5. tease by @caiuscassiuss | s

- you knew you were hot. you saw how the guys looked at you, how their eyes were drawn to a tight t-shirt or short skirt. and maybe this would fail epically—crash and burn like a failed experiment—but you wanted to get under kim taehyung’s skin the only way you knew how.

6. aquarium by @whatifyoulivelikethat | // a

got7

yugyeom

1. yugyeom as you boyfriend by @sunshinekookie | f

- i need more yugyeom fics in my life.

astro

eunwoo

1. rainy say saviour by @imsarahbum | f a

- upon seeing you getting bullied after school for being short, dongmin can’t help but step in and defend you - despite both of you not really knowing anything about each other.

anyway, thank you again for the writers please take care and be safe!

please free to recommend your favorite fic that i haven’t feature yet.

if the links won’t work and i labelled some fics wrong please let me know and i’ll try to fix it as soon as possible!

support the fic and the writers!

1K notes · View notes

m0srael · 3 years ago

Text

Drunk Texts

For the @drarrymicrofic prompt: Love Letter

One balmy night in June, Harry’s lying in bed wide awake--unable to sleep again--when his mobile lights up on the nightstand. The only people who ever contact him on his mobile are Teddy (“All the cool wizards have them these days, Harry, please get one so I can send you memes!”) and Hermione, and neither of them would be texting this late.

Friday, June 6 2008, 1:27 AM

+445195555555: I’ve been hopelessly in love with you since we were sixteen, won’t shut my bloody mouth about you actually, can I take you on a date? I’m still very rich, all things considered, and know all the best restaurants in Wizarding Britain.

+445195555555: Maybe just a shag, then?

Harry: bloody hell, who is this??

Harry: This number is unlisted, I don’t know how you got it but I’m blocking it now. Kindly, fuck off.

+445195555555: WAIT

+445195555555: What do you mean, who is this? I thought muggle mobiles know who you’re talking to already.

Harry: Not if a strange person is texting in the middle of the bloody night from a number I’ve never seen before!

+445195555555: If you don’t want to date me or shag me just say so, Potter. No need to play hard to get and toss around insults

+445195555555: Unless that’s a thing for you, cheeky ;) ;)

Harry: Last chance, tell me who this is or I’m blocking your number.

+445195555555: Draco

+445195555555: Obviously ;)

Harry: Draco...Malfoy?

Harry: You expect me to believe Draco Malfoy is confessing his love and hitting me up for a shag at 1am. On a *muggle* mobile.

+445195555555: Believe it scarhead, now answer the question do you or do you not want to shag me

Harry: Look, you’ve obviously read one too many Prophet articles…

Harry: Somehow found my number...did you confund someone I know??

Harry: And thought that...pretending to be Draco Malfoy, of all people, would entice me to meet up with a total stranger?

+445195555555: Ooh, the logic of it all, Potter ;)

Harry: Stop doing that

+445195555555: what ;) ;)

Harry: The emojis. Malfoy would never use emojis.

+445195555555: You don’t know what I would or wouldn’t do anymore Potter. Would you like to learn? ;)

Harry: Fuck

Harry: Even if I believed you, I’ve never given Draco Malfoy my number. My *muggle* mobile number.

Harry: I’ve never given him my number because Draco Malfoy would never use a *muggle* mobile.

Harry:...among other reasons

+445195555555: Always so preoccupied with blood purity, Potter, haven’t you learned anything?

+445195555555: And there you go again, assuming that you know what I would and would not do

+445195555555: It really would be much more efficient if you just let me demonstrate

Harry: oh my god

Harry: I can’t believe I’m still messaging you

Harry: ffs, you have one chance to convince me that you’re really Malfoy otherwise I’m blocking you immediately

+445195555555: You are a tetchy one, hm?

+445195555555: Fine. You cornered me in a bathroom in 6th bc you were *obsessed* with me and tried to murder me using sectumsempra (which you claimed not to know the effect of, pft) but only because I tried to Crucio you and I would have died if Snape hadn’t found us and cleaned up your mess (again)

+445195555555: They definitely didn’t print THAT in the Prophet. Unfortunately.

Harry: Bloody hell um...okay…

Harry: Look, about that, Malfoy…

Harry: Wait, unfortunately…??

+445195555555: So you see, Potter, it is in fact I, Draco Lucius Malfoy, confessing my love and “hitting you up for a shag at 1am” as you so elegantly put it.

+445195555555: ;)

Harry: Okay. Malfoy, then. Jesus.

Harry: How exactly did you get my number?

Harry: For that matter, when did you get a mobile?

Draco Sodding Malfoy: I got it from Pansy, who got it from Ginny, you recalcitrant twat

Draco Sodding Malfoy: See, I can do the sexy insults thing, too :*

Draco Sodding Malfoy: And if you must know, Potter, I purchased a mobile years ago to stay in contact with my cousin, Teddy. Teddy Lupin. I think you’re acquainted? The little brat refuses to owl, apparently it’s “sooo medieval”.

Harry: Oh. That...actually makes sense. He said the same thing to me.

Harry: Hang on, Teddy isn’t a brat. I thought you two got on rather well…?

Draco Sodding Malfoy: Whatever, the point is I’m mad for you and I never told you because, well, there was the whole war thing and then the whole trial thing, and since then I’ve become a bit of a self-righteous coward. Also, I fancy myself something of a martyr. I think the constant pouting makes my mouth look more kissable, don’t you?

Draco Sodding Malfoy: We could do the dinner thing if we must, or you can just come round mine I can meet you there right now

Harry: Oh. You’re drunk.

Harry: Never pegged you as the type to get sloshed and text your ex-childhood-nemesis for a hookup

Draco Sodding Malfoy: not with that attitude you haven’t

Harry: Hah

Draco Sodding Malfoy: Not drnk

Draco Sodding Malfoy: Honestly, Potter

Draco Sodding Malfoy: Harry

Harry: weird

Draco Sodding Malfoy: I’ve seen the way you watch me when you think I’m not looking. You look at me like some lovesick teenager. Why deny what *literally everyone* can plainly see?

Harry: I do not look at you like a...lovesick teenager, Malfoy.

Draco Sodding Malfoy: Draco ;)

Harry: I do not watch you, DRACO.

Draco Sodding Malfoy: I only notice because I’m watching you too, Harry. All the time. I’ve been watching you for as long as I can remember.

Draco Sodding Malfoy: You’ve practically been the center of my universe since I was eleven years old, for Merlin’s sake. I think about you all the time. I miss you all the time, even when we’re in the same room.

Draco Sodding Malfoy: I mean I LITERALLY do not shut up about you I wasn’t exaggerating about that. It drives Pansy and Blaise, who have the patience and constitutions of actual saints and who are very, very good friends, absolutely mental and they’d like nothing more than to hex my mouth shut permanently.

Harry: um

Draco Sodding Malfoy: Admit it.

Draco Sodding Malfoy: You’ve wondered what it’d be like.

Draco Sodding Malfoy: Imagined it.

Draco Sodding Malfoy: Us

Harry: Malfoy…

Draco Sodding Malfoy: Draco

Harry: Draco…

Draco Sodding Malfoy: Yes, Harry? ;)

Harry: I...could do dinner.

Draco Sodding Malfoy: You could “do” dinner? That’s all, after everything I’ve just said, you can “do” dinner??

Harry: For the love of Merlin

Harry: Fine. You’re right, Draco. I...have wondered

Harry: About us, I mean

Harry: Ahh and actually Draco sometimes when I look at you I just want…

Friday, June 6 2008, 2:15 AM

Draco Sodding Malfoy: what

Draco Sodding Malfoy: you want what

Friday, June 6 2008, 2:48 AM

Draco Sodding Malfoy: harry

Friday, June 6 2008, 3:09 AM

Draco Sodding Malfoy: harry, bloody hell

Saturday, June 7 2008, 6:45 AM

Harry: Draco, I’m so sorry

Saturday, June 7 2008, 8:18 AM

Harry: My mobile died and I didn’t have my charger

Saturday, June 7 2008, 9:23 AM

Harry: Draco

Saturday, June 7 2008, 11:47 AM

Draco Sodding Malfoy: Potter, why on earth are you contacting me so early on a Saturday?

Draco Sodding Malfoy: Scratch that, why are you contacting me at all? Where did you get my number?

Harry: Oh, so you were drunk

Draco Sodding Malfoy: How is my present or past level of intoxication any of your concern?

Draco Sodding Malfoy: Oh.

Draco Sodding Malfoy: No.

Harry: Draco, what’s wrong? What happened?

Harry: Draco…?

Harry: I’m sorry, if I said something…

Harry: Look, YOU’RE the one drunk messaging ME at all hours of the night looking for a shag!

Saturday, June 7 2008, 7:08 PM

Draco Sodding Malfoy: Dear Harry,

Draco Sodding Malfoy: I hereby formally apologize for my previous messages. They are inappropriate and entirely out of line, do forgive me. Although it appears that Blaise Zabini and Pansy Parkinson absconded with my mobile yesterday evening to, “have a bit of fun”, I take full responsibility for what has transpired. Do not report me, or something. I do hope you were not too offended. I will henceforth refrain from contacting you by this, or any other, means. I assure you that my traitorous, juvenile, back-stabbing, inconsiderate, so-called friends have been soundly reprimanded. You may expect their formal apologies via owl, posthaste.

Draco Sodding Malfoy: Apologetically, Draco L. Malfoy

Harry: Wow, uh, ok. I’ve never gotten a formal apology over text before. Did it take you...8 hours to write that?

Harry: And for the record, I knew something was up. We may not be best mates or anything but I know you wouldn’t use emojis like that.

Draco Sodding Malfoy: Oh, bugger off, Potter you had no idea it wasn’t me. You were ready to spill your innermost desires to a stranger on your mobile! Stupid Gryffindor.

Draco Sodding Malfoy: Ah.

Draco Sodding Malfoy: I mean, goodbye! So sorry, again, for the inconvenience! We will never speak again from this moment on!

Harry: Draco, wait

Draco ;): Merlin, what, Potter?

Harry: Harry

Draco ;): No.

Harry: Fine. Look, if you accept full responsibility, does that mean your offer still stands?

Draco ;): What offer?

Draco ;): No. It doesn’t, whatever it is.

Harry: Your offer to take me on a date.

Harry: ;)

Draco ;): Bloody...Potter, that wasn’t MY offer!

Harry: Perhaps not, but I’ve seen the way you watch me when you think I’m not looking...Draco.

Draco ;): Who is this? I’m blocking this number. I’m going to ask Pansy how to block a number.

Harry: Draco, I’m serious.

Saturday, June 7 2008, 9:14 PM

Harry: Draco, I can tell that you didn’t block my number.

Saturday, June 7 2008, 11:47 PM

Harry: Fine.

Harry: Draco, could I take you out for dinner some time? I know someone who knows all the best restaurants in Wizarding Britain.

Draco ;): …..

Harry: ?

Draco ;): If you must

Harry: If I must?

Draco ;): It's true that I'm still rich, all things considered, but you’re paying

Draco ;): ;)

#drarrymicrofic #drarry drabble #drarry #harry x draco #texting au #hey harry u up?#pansy and blaise got bored at a party #they were trying to help #they promise #minimose

217 notes · View notes

sscoutregimentss · 3 years ago

Note

could you please do L, U, V, Y and Z for Armin Arlert Please Queen, i just passed by and i already love ur your account💕💕

i teared up a bit at how nice this ask is (´•ω•̥`) i wrote this in modern au again oopsy daisy

edit: added a read more bc this post is kinda long

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Armin is not terrible with kids, but no where near great. Growing up with no parents and having his grandfather die at such a young age led him to grow up fast, so he can't really relate to kids and what they... do.

Like he will see a baby and just talk normally to it. After doing some reading on why baby talk is important, he makes an effort to babble more to them but he really struggles. Or when he's with Gabi and Falco he asks them about quantum physics and Gabi is just like "uhhh I like fortnite."

He really tries. And it's not like he dislikes being around them, he just struggles, and kids don't really like him much either.

Also he cannot stand IPad kids. He blames it more on the parents then on the kids, because they're just kids, but one of his biggest peeves is crying, whiny children with snot on their bright blue silicone cases, eyes glued to a screen instead of dealing with the world. Since he is Armin, he's still polite and gentle with them, but the minute you're out of earshot he's complaining about it for a good 30 minutes.

In terms of his own children, he's actually a really good parent. He did a lot of research on how to raise kids well and he does his best to make sure his kids get what he couldn't in terms of upbringing. He's some what distant? Like his kids aren't ranting and raving about their new crush to their dad, but there's a really good bond between them and they go to him whenever he needs anything.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Armin is prone to telling a little white lie to get what he wants.

In general, he's subtly manipulative. Not in like an abusive or generally scummy way, but in a... human way. We all use manipulation to get what we want, in the end. Like puppy dog eyes or pouting.

He's always transparent about what he's doing, and it's not like he's causing any harm to you. In fact, most of the time its for your own good. Like if you're feeling a bit self conscious, he'll pretend not to notice until you manage to work up the nerve to think better of yourself, stuff like that. Or if something is bothering you, he'll figure out a way for you to bring it up instead of him so you get better at communication. He'll come clean after his little rouses work, but sometimes you wish he'd just tell you what he was doing as he was doing it.

He also takes a while to even consider you a priority. Even though his whole thing is taking your relationship slowly, you're quick to find out that he may call you his partner, but you're under school work, work, family and friends in the "Armin's Important Stuff" scale. He's not an easy shell to crack, so it's kind of expected, but unless you confront him, he will not even realize that he's doing wrong.

Chronic nail biter. Even when he's not nervous.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

On a scale of "beauty guru" to "horrendously stinky" he's a "I care for aesthetics."

He's got a very distinct dark/light academia (depends on his mood) aesthetic that he must keep up. His clothes are always ironed, never tattered, and though most of it is second hand he looks very put together and sometimes even expensive.

But in terms of beauty, it's not his priority at all. He likes the way he dresses because it makes him feel like he's ready to take on the day, and he showers everyday for obvious reasons, but he doesn't wear makeup, and his skincare routine is just washing his face and sunscreen.

Speaking of skincare, he has effortlessly flawless skin and hair. So smooth, so silky, and he barely puts in effort other than the basics. You're convinced it's because he's blessed by the gods, but he says its because he gets enough sleep every night.

His hair grows back super fast, so he has Mikasa cut it since he can't afford to go to the hair dresser so often. He liked the long hair as a kid, but now he finds it annoying, so he keeps it neatly cropped. She's a good hairstylist.

He's also... surprisingly ripped. He looks super skinny but he's got abs for days. Unlike most of his friends, only works out for mental clarity, and not muscles or gaining strength, so he's not like huge and bulky but he's pretty fit.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He doesn't like overly judgmental people. It's only natural for people to assume things, but people who dedicate their free time to just assuming things about people annoys him to no end. Like people who assume the worst out of him because he hangs out with Eren, or people who think that he's some single virgin loser because he gets good grades.

Also, playing into Armin our semi-pretentious angel trope, he prefers a well read partner. Someone who he can make references too or will take his recommendations of classic literature, or maybe even watch ocean documentaries with him. They don't have to like every last thing he likes, and if they just haven't been exposed to things he won't mind at all, they just have to be open minded and not write off things he enjoys as "nerdy shit."

Piggy backing off that, he wants someone who somewhat cares about their academics. They don't have to be the next Einstein, or a straight A wonderchild like him, but rich brats who's parents are paying for their schooling just for them to party annoys him. It's not fair that he has to work so hard to keep his scholarships and other students are working hard to pay their tuition just for people to come because their Mommy and Daddy said so.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Armin falls asleep at 11 pm and wakes up at 7 am, without fail. It's amazing. You question if he's even a college student.

He uses an old fashioned alarm clock that's at the opposite side of his bed, but sometimes he wakes up on his own and forgets to turn it off, making him run out of the shower to stop the ringing before his roommates wake up.

Before you two started dating, he just slept on his side. But once you two got close, he can't sleep without hugging something if you're not spending the night.

When you do spend the night, he likes being little spoon, or facing you and having you nuzzled in his chest (or vice versa, he's not picky).

He's quite a neat cuddler. No limbs haphazardly thrown over you or anything. His legs are very gently intertwined with yours, he has his arms in a very specific spot to make sure you're comfortable, and he doesn't snore or anything.

Sometimes he sleep talks. Very rarely, though, but when you catch it, it is the funniest thing ever. He has really wild dreams for such a down-to-earth person— you caught him babbling about turning into a 150 meter skinless giant once. Weird.

80 notes · View notes

bbysamu · 4 years ago

Text

It Ain’t Me - Part III

Featuring: KUROO Tetsurou x you ; AKAASHI Keiji x you

Genre: Angst, fluff

Word Count: 1,024

Warning: mentions of alcohol and drinking

Now Playing: It Ain’t Me by Kygo & Selena Gomez

✎ Preview: A few months have passed since your breakup. Kuroo is trying to clean up his act, but news of you might just have him scrambling back to the club.

Ch. I

Ch. II

Ch. III

Ch. IV

Ch. V

Epilogue

a/n: no underage drinking please, don’t hinder your brain growth. Sorry to my fellow Akaashi simps, this one doesn’t feature much fluff with him, but I promise the next one will.

It’s been approximately 8 months since your breakup. “7 new voicemails” your phone reads.

“Y/N please just listen to---” deleted.

“babe I promis---” deleted.

“I'm begging you please just hear---” deleted.

“Can we please just sit down and talk about this? I can’t do this anymore Y/N. I was so fricken stupid I don’t know what I was thinking. Please come back to my life. please....” deleted.

“I know it’s been 8 months and 2 days and 3 hours since you left my life and Y/n...I'm dying....” deleted.

“I’ve changed...I haven't had a drop of alcohol since you left. Let me show you I've changed.” deleted

“Do you still love me? because I will always love you.”

You don’t love him anymore, but for some reason, you just couldn’t press the delete button.

“You look terrible”, Kenma stated, barely sparing a glance at his best friend.

“I feel terrible. Scratch that. I feel something worse than terrible. I’d rather she scream at me and hit me than this radio silence.”

Kenma looks up sympathetically from his phone before shaking his head.

“you deserve it.”

Kuroo looks at Kenma, “I know, but couldn’t you at least sugarcoat it?”

“Y/N is a great girl and she’s my friend too, so no. Plus I want you to learn your lesson.”

Kuroo sighs, “I already have. I’ve been trying to call her everyday for the past eight months, leaving her at least twenty voicemails a day.”

“stalker alert.”

Kuroo glares at Kenma, “I don’t know what I was thinking. If I could I'd take it all back.”

“You can’t, so you need to think about how you can move on and stop bothering Y/N. You know how she is once she’s made up her mind.” Kenma looks Kuroo straight in the eye, “she’s not coming back this time.”

Kuroo sighs, deep down he knew Kenma was right, but he refuses to let you go so easily.

“I’m going to find her right now.”

Kenma widens his eyes in shock, “no Kuroo--”

He sighs, the empty room quiet again with the absence of his best friend.

Kuroo knew it was a bad idea but he found himself in front of your company. It was almost lunch, so he knew you’d be walking out those double doors soon.

His breath hitches as soon as he caught sight of you. You look so beautiful in your white blouse and pencil skirt, perfectly curled waves tousled by the spring breeze.

Kuroo stops in his track as soon as your eyes meet. HIs handsome face flinches as he sees the pain in your eyes and the scowl on your face.

“What are you doing here.” you asked, deadpanned.

“I just wanted to talk. Please Y/N.” Kuroo asks, looking at you shyly.

You look at his face, the noticeable dark shadows under his eyes and kicked yourself for softening.

“Fine. What do you want Kuroo?” you sighed.

Kuroo lights up at the chance. “I am really really sorry. I’m a changed person Y/N. Ever since that day I’ve cleaned up my act. I haven’t had a single drop of alcohol and I haven’t been to the club since. I haven’t even been with anyone, you can ask Kenma because I’ve been staying at his.”

He looks at you apprehensively before continuing, “Y/N, I’ve reflected a lot about our relationship these past few months. I can’t fall asleep at night knowing how much I’ve hurt you and how I've hurt us. I want nothing more than to go back in time and beat myself up. We’ve been together for almost a decade. Can you give us another chance?”

You’ve dreamed about this moment times and times before. But things were different now that your heart has been mended by another.

“Kuroo I don’t think that’s possible.”

He knew this was coming, but he was still surprised by the tears pricking his eyes.

“Please Y/N. Don’t answer so quickly. Is this really the end for us?��

“I--”

Your conversation was cut short by the familiar voice of someone shouting your name.

Both you and Kuroo whipped your head around to see Akaashi running up to you.

Kuroo didn’t miss the way your eyes softened at the sight of Akaashi and the small smile on your face.

He suddenly understood the reason for your rejection.

“Akaashi huh?” Kuroo hated the venom in his voice, but he couldn’t stop himself.

You narrowed your eyes at the accusation in his voice, “What about Akaashi, Kuroo?”

“What? Did almost ten years of relationship mean nothing to you? How are you able to move on so quickly after not even a year?” Kuroo couldn’t stop himself, “gosh Y/N. I would’ve never taken you for such a slut.”

You stared at him and gasped, mind boggled at his response “what did you just say?”

“I said what I said.” Kuroo looked at you in the eyes, a thousand regrets in his heart.

Akaashi was at your side, trying to pull you back as you screamed at Kuroo.

“are you insane Kuroo?! You’re trying to blame me?! For the record who was the one who cheated and destroyed our relationship?”

You pushed a finger into his chest, he winced, “that's right it was you!”

“I moved on fair and square. You’re the one who destroyed our relationship and don’t you dare try to come and destroy my new one too.”

You pulled your arm out of Akaashi’s grasp.

“Stop contacting her. I’m warning you Kuroo. If I see you around her one more time, I’m calling the police on you.”

“shut up.”

Kuroo hated the way Akaashi was looking at him. He’d rather it be a look of hate or anger, anything other than pity.

Akaashi chases after you, leaving Kuroo standing there, watching you being comforted by your new lover.

“whatever. Her loss.” Kuroo turned around angrily on his heels and went back to his apartment.

♫ Who's gonna rock you When the sun won't let you sleep? Who's waking up to drive you home When you're drunk and all alone? It ain’t me ♫

At exactly 11 pm, Kuroo Tetsurou made his grand comeback to the club, a shot of whiskey in hand, his arms around another as he pushes the image of you and Akaashi out of his mind.

Taglist: @aonenthusiast, @mango-smoothies, @sukunas-lady, @donutwithinadonut, @akaashiwife, @mellowknightcolorfarm

Join My Taglist!

#haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu angst #haikyuu scenarios #hq imagines #hq scenarios #hq angst #akaashi fluff #kuroo angst #Kuroo Tetsurō #kuroo x reader #kuroo x y/n #kuroo x you #akaashi x you #akaashi x y/n #hq x reader #haikyuu x reader #ceci.writes #ceci.series

160 notes · View notes

heylookafanfic · 4 years ago

Photo

Title: What Could Go Wrong?

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x daughter!Reader,

brief summary: With your dad, Aaron Hotchner, being the BAU unit chief, he did whatever he could to protect you. When you get invited to a party for the first time, sneaking out doesn’t sound so bad. What could go wrong?

word count: 3,706 words

requested: Nope, original! (send in those requests!)

warnings: cursing, getting roofied, getting yelled at, predatory men

Your dad, Aaron Hotchner, was extremely protective over you not only because his job can put you and your brother, Jack, in danger but he already lost a family member and refused to lose another. Having an overprotective father meant you had a list of rules.

The door was to remain completely open when your significant other came over and no sitting/laying on the bed

No leaving the house after sundown

You can’t sleep over at anyone's house, they had to sleep over at your house

You have to ask to go somewhere

If your dad wasn’t home and the doorbell rang, you couldn’t answer it

And that is just the surface. You understood why your dad was so strict but you never got to have a life. To make things worse, your friends always post pictures from parties on Instagram and all you could do is sigh and keep scrolling knowing you’ll never get to go to one.

One day, you were in communications class listening to the professor lecturing about the upcoming semester project. Luckily, you got to pick your group for it and when they dismissed the class to find partners, you quickly turned to your best friend,Vanessa.

“I guess we’re partners, huh?” you chuckled

“Of course!” she said

“So, what do you want to make our project about?”

“I have no idea. I barely paid attention this chapter”

“Try to think out of the box a bit. What’s gonna make ours stand out?”

“Since the class is about communications, how about human interaction?”

“What about it?”

“Like how you haven't had any human interaction lately” she said with a smirk

“You know my dads strict. I can’t even breathe without him being on edge” you said

“You need to live a little Y/N. You’re in college and you’re still being treated like a kid.”

“I know, I know but I don’t know how to convince him to let up a bit”

“Here’s the thing, I’m going to a friend's kickback tomorrow night. This is your chance to finally hang out with someone who isn’t me, Jack or your dad ”

“He’s gonna say no regardless even if I tell him that you’re going with me.” you said

“I’m not saying to sneak out but...” she said with a shrug

“You know he has cameras around the entire perimeter of the house, right?”

“Just say you’re sleeping over at my house”

“Can’t do that either, remember? All sleepovers have to happen at my house”

“I understand having to be cautious because your dads in the FBI but doesn’t he realize that you’re in college?”

You thought about it for a second.

“That’s it! How about you sleep over but I’ll say that you forgot your meds. That’ll give us an excuse to leave”

“Won’t he be suspicious though?”

“Probably not. He trusts you out of all of my friends”

“You’ve got a point. What time am I coming over?”

“What time does the kickback start?”

“9 pm”

“Come over at 7. We’ll be finishing up dinner and it’ll give us time to get ready”

“Awesome”

The both of you packed your backpacks and went home. This would be the first time you’d be sneaking out and you were pretty nervous because so many things could go wrong but you’re with your best friend so, what could possibly go wrong?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Hotchner Household- The next day*

You were in your room finishing up your psychology homework when your dad called you and Jack down for dinner

“Y/N and Jack, come down for dinner” he yelled from the kitchen

“I’m almost done! Give me two more minutes!” you shouted

“Come down now before it gets cold”

You sighed and closed your laptop. As you were walking out of your room, you saw Jack coming down the hall.

“I’ll race you to the dinner table. Loser has to wash dishes tonight” you challenged

“You’re gonna lose like you did last time” he said

“That’s only because you pushed me, short stuff” you chuckled

“I won fair and square though, didn’t I?”

“Anyway…ready, set, go!”

The both of you raced down the hallway and downstairs. Your dad heard all the stomping and already knew what was up. You lightly pushed Jack and he tumbled towards the couch by the living room. Your dad had his hands out by his sides, waiting to see who would finish 1st. You ran and tagged in, winning.

“You pushed me!” Jack complained

“I won fair and square though, didn’t I?” you chuckled

“Dad, Y/N cheated and they said that I’d have to wash dishes after dinner”

“Karmas a bit-” you were cut off

“Enough you two. Go wash your hands and make your plate” your dad said

*During dinner*

“So, how was everybody’s day?” he asked

“I found out that we’re dissecting a frog in class next week” Jack said

“They still do that?” he asked

“Yeah, everyone in my class thinks it’s cool but I’m not looking forward to it”

“Why is that?”

“Because, it’s gross. I asked if I could do an extra credit project instead but my teacher said no”

“Sorry bud. How about you Y/N? How was your day?”

“It was okay. We were assigned a group project yesterday so Vanessas coming over later to study. Is that cool?”

“Which Vanessa?”

“Dad. You’re kidding, right? The same Vanessa I’ve been best friends with since kindergarten?”

“Oh, her. Yeah, she can come over. What’s your project about?”

“It’s a research slideshow about human interaction”

“If you have time, you should drop by the office and ask your aunts and uncles for help. Especially your uncle Spencer. He’ll tell you everything you need to know; easy A” he said

Suddenly, his phone chimed.

“Work?” you and Jack ask

Your dad shook his head and took one last sip of his drink before getting up from the table. He was running around the house grabbing his go bag and work essentials.

“I don’t know when I’ll be back but if I’m not back later tonight, Y/N you know the drill” he said

“Close and lock all doors and windows, don’t answer the door, Jack is to be in bed by 9:30 and lights out at 11” you recited

“And Jack?”

“No video games or TV until homework is done and Y/N is in charge” he groaned

“Good. Y/N?”

“Yes?”

“Vanessa is the only one permitted in the house. Understood?”

“Yes sir”

“Alright, bye! I love you two!” he said

Your dad rushed out the door, hopped in the car and sped off to work. Your dad pretty much being on call can be annoying sometimes because he’s usually away for a few days and misses out on family time. Usually, it’s a bummer but tonight, it was working in your favor.

“Now what?” Jack asked

“How about we finish up dinner and I’ll help you with your homework so you can have the rest of the night to yourself?”

“Sweet!” he responded

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Later that night*

Vanessa had already been at your house for 2 hours and while Jack was getting ready for bed, you were about to leave for the kickback.

“What time did you say your little brother goes to bed?” Vanessa asked

“9:30”

She sighed

“We’re going to be late by then. Can’t we leave earlier?”

“We can’t. If I’m not here to make sure he’s asleep, he’ll be up all night”

“Jacks like what, 10? He’ll be fine. Plus, it’s a Friday night. It’s not like he has school tomorrow.”

You gave it a second thought. Jack is old enough to put himself to bed and the party wasn’t going to be worth going to if you were late.

“Fine. Give me a second and then we can go” you said

You walked down the hall to Jack’s room and knocked.

“Come in” he answered

“Hey bud, are you almost ready for bed?” you asked

“Yeah, I gotta brush my teeth though.”

“Listen, Vanessa and I are going out for a bit tonight. Would you be okay if you were by yourself for a few hours?”

“You can’t leave! Remember what Dad said? ‘No leaving the house after sundown’ ?”

“I know, I know but it’s only for tonight and since Dad’s out at work, I’ll let you stay up and play video games until I get back”

“Won’t we get in trouble? If he finds out, we’re gonna be grounded”

“He won’t find out unless we tell him….which we won’t. Right?”

Jack thought the situation through for a second.

“Right” he said

“Cool. Vanessa and I are leaving in about 5 minutes. Rules still apply to you though. I don’t care who rings the doorbell. If it’s not me or Dad, don’t answer it. Understood?”

“Yeah”

“Alright, all the doors and windows are locked so you’re safe here as long as they stay closed. I’ll be back in a few hours. Love you!” you said

“Love you too!” Jack responded

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*At the kickback*

This was your first time sneaking out of the house and honestly, you didn’t think your plan would work. You thought that by now you’d be at home getting an earful from your dad because you got caught but, what perfect timing?! Your dad getting called into work the same night?! It’s actually kind of funny how things work out. What could go wrong?

You and Vanessa pulled up to the party and parked in the driveway

“You ready Y/N?” she asked

“Yeah. I just can't believe our plan actually worked”

“I know right? You’re old man needs to let you live a little. You deserve to enjoy your youth. Now c’mon”

As you two walk in, loud music blares from the speaker and there’s people everywhere. Beer cans on the floor and furniture, red solo cups spewed about the floor, the smell of weed in the air and you can tell every guy is wearing cheap cologne because of how musky it is. You thought parties like this only existed in movies.

You knew a few people but due to not being the biggest social butterfly, you decided to cling to Vanessa all night.

“Y/N, this is my old theatre buddy, Vaughn. Vaughn, this is my best friend Y/N!”

“Hey, nice to meet you!” he welcomed

“Nice to meet you too!”

“Vanessas told me all about you”

“She has?”

“Yeah! Best friends since kindergarten?! You two go way back”

“Definitely!”

“This is actually Y/N’s first kickback!” Vanessa chimed in

“Your first? You’ve never been to a party?”

“Not really, my dad’s very overprotective so I never get the chance to really hang out”

“What changed his mind?”

“Actually, he’s out of town at the moment so, he doesn’t even know”

“Ahhh, sneaky you!” he chuckled

“Hey, I’m gonna go get a drink really quick. You guys want anything?” Vanessa asked

“I’m good but thanks” you said

“I’ll go with you” Vaughn said

“Y/N, I’ll be right back but in the meanwhile, go get out of your comfort zone a bit” she said

“Nice meeting you….”

“Y/N” you said

“Y/N! Right. I’ll see you later” Vaughn said

Vanessa and Vaughn made off into the kitchen and that left you to your own devices. You still weren’t comfortable enough to go and be social so you made your way to the couch. Luckily, you spotted the host’s dog and whistled at it. It trotted over to you and jumped up into your lap. This would be your comfort zone for the rest of the night.

*An hour later*

The host's dog had surprisingly fallen asleep while you scrolled through your phone. You weren’t gonna lie. You were sort of envious that it could sleep through all the noise. As you continued scrolling you noticed someone heading your way.

“Is anyone sitting here?” a voice asked

You looked up to see a tall figure with broad shoulders.

“Uh, no. You’re good to sit”

“Thanks” he said

You resumed scrolling on your phone

“Nice dog” he said making small talk

“I’d say thanks but it’s not mine. It just curled up next to me and fell asleep” you spoke

“With all this noise?”

“Exactly what I’m saying!” you chuckled

“I’d kill to be a heavy sleeper” he said

“If only, right?!”

You two sat in silence for a second

“I’m Brady”

“Y/N”

“Nice to meet you. So, how’d you find out about the kickback?”

“My friend is friends with the host so she invited me”

“That’s a good friend!”

“Yeah, this is my first party actually”

“Really? How?”

“Overprotective parent”

“Ah, I know your struggle. Well, if you don’t mind, how ‘bout we drink to that?”

“Uh- okay. Thanks!”

“What’s your poison?” he asked

“I’ll take a beer please”

“A beer? Ooh, so you like to play it safe huh? I’ll be right back”

Brady got up and walked into the kitchen. You were actually excited because not only is this your first party but someone came up to you instead of the other way around.

“There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” a voice said

You turned your head and it was Vanessa

“What took you so long?”

“I was getting a drink, remember?”

“It took you a whole hour, 60 MINUTES, to get a drink and find me?!” you joked

“This place is huge”

“It’s a condo ‘Nessa”

“Anyway, you’ve been sitting by yourself this whole time? I thought I told you to go and socialize!”

“I did! I met this guy, Brady, and he’s getting us drinks”

“Oooo! I know you had a little game in that beautiful brain somewhere. Well, let me go before I ruin your moment. I’ll be in the living room if you need me” she said

Vanessa ran off again. Just as she left, Brady came back with drinks.

“Una cerveza for the party virgin” he said

“What?” you chuckled

“One beer like you asked” he chuckled

“Oh, thank you!”

“To your first party and to many more” he toasted

You two clanked your cups together and took a swig

“For someone who seems to be so sheltered, you sure downed it with no problem” he said

“Well, my Uncle Dave is italian so everytime we go to his house, he cohearses my dad into letting me have a little wine. He says the drinking age in Italy is 16 so, why not?” you chuckled

“Lemme guess, he’s the crazy relative in the family?”

“No, that’d be my aunt Penelope but he’s a close second”

The two of you talked about family, your dream career and your taste in music for about an hour. You were starting to think that maybe it was a good idea to sneak out. You would have never met Brady and the more you found out about him, the more you started catching feelings for him. Or maybe that was the beer talking. Speaking of beer, you were starting to think that that beer didn’t sit right with you. You started feeling dizzy and sick to your stomach.

“Hey Brady, I gotta go talk to my friend really quick but I promise I’ll be right back”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m just not feeling the best”

“Do you want some water?” he asked

“I’m fine. I need to find Vanessa though”

You stood up and immediately sat back down

“Are you sure you’re okay? Do you want to lay down?” he asked

“I’m fine” you said

You didn’t notice but you started slurring your words. Things were going downhill and fast. Brady didn’t….no, he couldn’t have. Things were going so well with him and you thought you could trust him. He couldn’t have possibly done that to you. You couldn’t yell for Vanessa over the loud music let alone stand up without falling over. This wasn’t good. This wasn’t good at all.

“Come on. I’ll take you to one of the bedrooms and you can lay down there until you feel better” Brady said

Fuck. You knew what you wanted to say but you couldn’t speak without slurring your words. Everything you said came out as incoherent. Brady stood up and helped you stand up, using him as a support. He started walking you towards the back until you felt a hand yank your hand

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!” a voice yelled

Vanessa. Wait.. the voice was masculine.

Vaughn.

“I’m just helping them lay down. They’re tired” Brady said

“Leave them the fuck alone” Vaughn said sternly

“Mind your business dude” Brady retorted

“I know them so it is my business. I’m not going to tell you again. Leave them the fuck alone”

Brady dropped you but Vaughn quickly caught the rest of your body.

“Have fun with them, douchebag” Brady stormed off

Vaughn fireman carried you into the living room and sat you down

“Hey Y/N. It’s Vaughn. Are you okay?” he asked caringly

“Mmmrrmgh” you slurred

Shit.

“I’m gonna get Vanessa. I promise I’ll be right back, okay?” he said

Your head lulled around and you couldn’t move your limbs. All your energy was draining. This made him panic. As he tried to get you to squeeze his hand to get a response out of you, everything faded to black.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*45 minutes later*

You woke up but everything was blurry and everything sounded muffled. You were laying down but your sickness was worse because you were being jostled around.

“There they are. Hey sweetheart. Sir-” a voice said

You looked up and saw a dark figure. Your head was on someone's lap.

“Y/N? Come on sweetheart, keep your eyes open for me” the voice said

You took a few shallow breaths before attempting to sit up

“No no, stay still, okay?”

That voice was way too familiar and it made you feel at ease. There was only one person that could clear the clouds out on a rainy day with just their voice

“Aunt Penelope?” you softly spoke

“At your service!” she said

“Y/N?” another voice said

“Dad” you cried

“How’re they doing?”

“They opened their eyes a bit and heart rate is still pretty high but they’re stable” Penelope sighed with relief

“Dad? What’s happening?”

“Y/N? Can you hear me?”

You nodded your head.

“That’s an affirmative” Penelope relayed

”Listen, we’re heading to the hospital right now. You were drugged and you stopped breathing. We’re almost there so just hold on for me, okay?” he said

His voice was borderline quivering. He was scared but wanted to stay strong for you and the team. He already lost Hailey and lord forbid he was going to lose you too

Penelope rolled the window down a bit so you could get some air but right before she could touch the button, your eyes closed again.

“Sir-”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*At the hospital*

You opened your eyes and saw a handful of blobs that got clearer as your eyes adjusted to the light.

“There they are!” said Rossi

“It’s about time” said JJ

“You were scared us for a second there, kid” said Morgan

Your whole family was there, excited for you to finally pull through

“Y/N!” Jack said excited

He hugged you and you had no choice but to hug him tighter. On any other day you’d be wrestling him for the remote but considering what happened to you tonight, you needed a hug from him

“For the record, I didn’t tell dad” he stated

Everyone laughed

“I got you lavender and chamomile tea, your favorite” Reid said popping his head in

“Uncle Spence!” you said

As you grabbed your tea, you saw your dad out the corner of your eye. Uh oh.

“Can we have a moment, please?” your dad asked

Everyone filed out and the door closed. He walked over to the blinds to close them.

“How’d you find out?” you softly asked

“Vanessa called me practically screaming that you were dead! You’re lucky that the case we’re working is local! What were you thinking?! You lied to me, waited until I left the house to sneak out to a party and thought ‘what could go wrong?’ ?!” he raised his voice

“Dad, I’m-”

“What? You’re sorry?! Y/N, before we got there, you died in Vanessa’s arms! How do you think I felt? I couldn’t get to you fast enough. I had to push my way through a bunch of teens just to find my kid dead”

“What do you want me to say dad? I’m sorry that you’re still dealing with trauma from mom dying, so much so that you’ve become a helicopter parent over Jack and I? If that’s what you’re looking for, it’s not my fault that she’s dead. ”

The room went so silent you could hear a pin drop.

“I didn’t mean-”

“I know”

Your dad started tearing up

“When I saw your body laying there, all I could see is your mom all over again. I was afraid that I’d have to tell Jack that his only sibling is gone, plan another funeral, and spend a lifetime beating myself up for not being there quick enough.”

“Dad, it wasn’t your fault though. It’s Foyet’s. He’s long gone now and you did what you could. This? This was my fault. I never should have snuck out. I never should have lied to you. Had I listened, none of this would have happened”

“None of this is your fault. It’s whoever did this to you’s fault. The sneaking out part, I would have found out eventually and you would’ve been grounded until eternity but to find out this way? I could care less about punishment right now, all I care about is that the Hotchner kids are safe. The BAU might be my job but being a dad comes before anything”

He hugged you and squeezed you tightly.

“I love you more than you’ll ever know Y/N. Don’t you ever scare me like that again”

“Yes sir and I love you too”

A knock came from the door before being slightly opened

“Garcia wanted me to let you know that Quantico PD has the perp in custody and he’s being processed at the station” Prentiss softly said

“You hear that?” your dad said

You smiled

“I get to have a field day with him tomorrow. He has no idea what he has coming to him”

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner #hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner imagine #hotchner!reader #Aaron hotchner x daughter!reader #hotchner x daughter!reader #criminal minds imagines #cm imagine #Spencer reid x Reider #spencer reid #reid imagine #spencer reid imagine #matthew gray gubler #thomas gibson #garcia x reader #Criminal Minds #hotchner angst #hotch angst

321 notes · View notes

jodilin65 · 35 years ago

Text

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 1990 I haven’t written in a while which I sometimes don’t. Last thing I see I wrote about was getting my hair trimmed. Linda trimmed my bangs and my top layer. My top layer was and still is pretty much fried with split ends. I have split ends everywhere. She was shocked at the weight I lost and how long my hair’s gotten. I haven’t seen her in 3 years or so. Linda hasn’t seen me at my skinniest though since I’ve gained 8 pounds. Funny thing is that it looks like I gained double, like 16 pounds. Of course, that’s cuz I’m so short. I no longer despise being short as I’ve realized the many advantages of being short as I’ve gotten older.

Andy’s here now asleep. He came over two nights ago, too. We made some calls this time. Last night we played Crazy 8’s which we haven’t done since we were kids at the beach. Also, we played the piano.

I’ll write later as I’m exhausted. For the last two months or so I’ve been sleeping at night, but I was up all night cuz I slept too many hours yesterday.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 1990 I am waiting to have my hair trimmed at Hair Performance by Linda. My top layer is incredibly fried. Also, I need my bangs trimmed.

Brenda’s very sick today so I’m going to be going to Martha by bus and it is incredibly freezing out!

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 1990 Well, I’m not going to be sleeping for a hell of a long time. I never got up yesterday till 9pm. I had woken up in the early afternoon but felt like shit so I went back to sleep. Not too much has happened since I last wrote. I’ve done some pretty nice drawings, been pissed at Russ cuz he’s got the heat off from 11pm–6am, been a little depressed cooped up at home and wanting to sing. Lastly, been frustrated and scared over my bronchitis.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 1990 I fell asleep shortly after 11 PM, after seeing the Tai Babilonia story, then at 1:45, I woke up for no reason at all. At least I didn’t wake up cuz of an asthma attack like I did yesterday morning and several previous mornings. I feel much better now and for the last 5 days, I’ve had 4-6 ciggies.

Soon I’m going to try to go back to sleep so I can join Andy on job-hunting trips. Not a job for me, for him of course, but it’ll get me out of the apt.

I’d like to sleep with Shadow, but he keeps waking me up.

I had a great visit with Tammy and the kids, and also a great day with Brenda. Sarah’s adorable and she’s got so much hair on her head. Everyone in the family was born with lots of hair.

John came over for a half-hour tonight and met Brenda and Bill.

Oh, I wish I knew my test scores! I want so badly to go to the academy. I suppose, though, I won’t be going for whatever reason cuz I want to go badly. Of course, that is until I can get anything going musically.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 1990 Yesterday was awful. I was so pissed at Russ. For the last 5 mornings, during the wee hours of the morning, it was freezing. Later on between 7:00-11:00, it would turn into a sauna. I woke up for two reasons. One was the fucking radiator in the kitchen would clank so loud, you could probably hear it downtown. The other is that I’d have major asthma attacks due to it. It would get so hot in here that my windows would be wet. I yelled on Russ’s machine, asking what it’s gonna take for the heat to be evened out and he stopped up to adjust the thermostat. If this happens continuously, I’ll make partial rent payments and if he fights it he’ll wish partial rent problems were the only problems he’s had with me. Otherwise, he’s a nice guy and the best landlord I’ve ever had. He doesn’t do this deliberately, he just has no brains when it comes to heating.

Today, later on, I’m definitely gonna get the fuck outa this apartment. Where to, I do not know, but I’ve got to get out.

0 notes

jikookuntold · 3 years ago

Text

Jungkook and His Cover Songs: Is “10000 Hours” about Jimin?

Disclaimer: The following post includes theories, lyric and numeric analysis, plus my personal opinions, so please don’t take anything seriously. I’m too lazy to upload photos and videos for the moments I mentioned here, but I’m sure you know about them all. Any Jikooker must know. And I’m not Korean or a Korean culture expert, I just know as much as any Stan Twitter ARMY knows about their culture.

Anyone?

Maybe one of the biggest Jikook moments of 2021 so far, is where Jimin jumped into Jungkook’s hug, in Lee Hyun’s Vlog. But the other moment on that Vlog was even more significant; Jungkook was singing “Anyone” from Justin Bieber’s new album, and Jimin was harmonizing with him while holding on his shirt. I don’t want to mention their interview moment singing “Peaches” because I know this song is super popular in South Korea right now and somehow it doesn’t count as a moment. But it’s safe to say that Jikook has something special with his songs, and JK in particular always was invested in him.

JK & JB

The reason behind Jungkook’s devotion to Justin Bieber was always a big question for me, and I got my answer not long time ago. Jungkook’s playlist for Melon Radio Station included a song from JB’s new album named “Lonely”. This is one of the most personal songs any artist can ever make, and JK recommended it to his audience. Here are the lyrics of “Lonely” by Justin Bieber:

Everybody knows my name now

But somethin' 'bout it still feels strange

Like lookin' in a mirror, tryna steady yourself

And seein' somebody else

And everything is not the same now

It feels like all our lives have changed

Maybe when I'm older, it'll all calm down

But it's killin' me now

What if you had it all, but nobody to call?

Maybe then you'd know me

'Cause I've had everything

But no one's listening

And that's just lonely

I'm so lonely, lonely

Everybody knows my past now

Like my house was always made of glass

And maybe that's the price you pay

For the money and fame at an early age

And everybody saw me sick

And it felt like no one gave

They criticized the things I did as an idiot kid

What if you had it all, but nobody to call?

Maybe then you'd know me

'Cause I've had everything

But no one's listening

And that's just lonely

These lyrics made me think of one specific thing, the thing that JK and JB have in common: They started their careers at a very young age, and their lives have been under the scrutiny of so many people. These people judged and criticized them but never tried to understand them. The lyrics are straightforward and leave no place for interpretation. By recommending this song, JK showed that he had (and probably still has) the same experiences in his life, and I think the reason he recommends or covers JB’s songs more than any other artist is that he has many things in common with him, and feels connected to his songs.

This can lead us to another theory: By covering a Justin Bieber song, Jungkook shares something about himself with us, something that he can’t express directly.

Jungkook is interested in JB’s songs, but he is not the only one. As I said earlier in this post, Jimin shares the same taste with Jungkook, and my receipt is not just that “Anyone” or “Peaches” harmonizing moments, but also Jimin’s Spotify playlists. Since 2017 (or earlier, I’m not sure about this part) he has added some JB songs to his official playlist, and even his current playlist (July 2021) has two JB songs. And also let’s not forget the fact that Jikook as a subunit started in 2014 with a JB cover. Yes, I’m talking about “Mistletoe” and as you may know, Jimin translated the lyrics of this song to Korean.

10000 Hours

Nearly 700 words and I haven’t started yet! The subject of this post was supposed to be the connections between “10000 hours” cover and Jikook but this prelude was necessary to clarify all the aspects of the topic and we find out how JB is special for JK and Jimin and how they (especially Jungkook) feel connected to him. Anyways, back to 10000 hours:

Dan + Shay and Justin Bieber released this Grammy winner song in October 2019. Here are the lyrics:

Do you love the rain, does it make you dance

When you're drunk with your friends at a party

What's your favorite song, does it make you smile

Do you think of me?

When you close your eyes, tell me, what are you dreamin'?

Everything, I wanna know it all

I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more

Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that sweet heart of yours

And I might never get there, but I'm gonna try

If it's ten thousand hours or the rest of my life

I'm gonna love you

Do you miss the road that you grew up on?

Did you get your middle name from your grandma?

When you think about your forever now, do you think of me?

When you close your eyes, tell me, what are you dreamin'?

Everything, I wanna know it all

I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more

Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that sweet heart of yours

And I might never get there, but I'm gonna try

If it's ten thousand hours or the rest of my life

I'm gonna love you

Ooh, want the good and the bad and everything in between

Ooh, gotta cure my curiosity

Ooh, yeah

I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more

Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that

Sweet heart of yours

And I might never get there, but I'm gonna try

If it's ten thousand hours or the rest of my life

I'm gonna love you

And I'm gonna love you

As you can see, the lyrics are 100% romantic, and the singers including JB, have dedicated this song to their lovers. Also, their girlfriends/wives have a cameo in the MV, which leaves no place for speculation for the context of the song: Even though the uncertainties always exist and no one knows about the future, our love is strong and will stay strong regardless of time.

The Cover and the Theories

Nearly one year later, on July 28th, 2020, Jungkook surprised ARMYs with a short video he tweeted at 11:56 AM. That video was a 49 seconds cover of 10000 hours. A few minutes later, he deleted the tweet (apparently with the advertisement excuses, because it was tweeted from an iPhone and they have a contract with Samsung). Later that night, Jungkook released the full version on Sound Cloud and tweeted the link at 11:47 PM.

Jikookers discovered numerous theories that day about the times of both tweets; if you add the digits of the time, the result is “13” for both tweets 1+1+4+7=13, 1+1+5+6=13, and as you already know “13” is Jikook’s magic number. Also, the first video he tweeted was 49 seconds and 4+9=13. But in my opinion, this theory is not strong. I know that numerology is very popular in Korean culture but still, all of this can be coincidences, but the other things I’m going to bring up are most likely not.

28th July 2020 was the 7th anniversary of the first Jikook selca posted after debut. This also might be a coincidence and to be honest, it cannot be a strong link to make a connection with Jikook, but worths sharing.

The next thing that many Jikookers also pointed out, was related to the title of the song. The lyrics say “10000 hours and 10000 more” and 20000 hours after the 28th of July is 8th November 2022. As you may know. Jikookers believe November 8th is a significant date for Jikook. I believe this can be a coincidence either, and it’s very unlikely of Jungkook to do such calculations (Koreans are interested in numbers when it comes to days and dates, but counting hours is not usual in any culture. Other than that, I’m still doubtful about the origins of the November 8th theory because we have nothing other than two tweets and G.C.F Tokyo release date and their hotel room in Tokyo which still can be coincidental). But I don’t deny these theories because even as a coincidence, it’s still very interesting.

And the next theory is connected to the “Red Moon”. On 27th July 2018, a total lunar eclipse happened all over the world, which became known as the red moon. At that time, BTS were in Malta, and on the same night, Jikook were watching the red moon on a boat. They shared plenty of photos and videos of that moment and I’m sure as a Jikooker you have seen them all and you know that night had a very romantic mood (BigHit words, not mine) for Jikook. So, a second anniversary for that night and the day after that night can be a significant date to release a very romantic cover. Is this a coincidence too? I think we had many of them already.

And last but not least is something connected to Korean culture. You probably know that 1000 days anniversaries are very important for Koreans and they celebrate them along with real anniversaries of the important dates in their lives. And guess what? 27th July 2020 is 1000 days after 31 October 2017. This day is the day Jikook’s travel to Tokyo ended and they posted their couply mirror selca on Twitter with flower bouquet emoji. Despite the one-day difference (the same case for the red moon anniversary), this is not a minor event or small coincidence. I believe Jungkook posted “10000 hour” cover for this reason and based on this, the other theories I mentioned earlier can be true either.

The lyrics hit different if you read them again, after knowing this fact. Right? I don’t want to make this post much longer but before wrapping up, I want to talk about the lyrics of “Anyone” by JB (the song Jikook were harmonizing in Lee Hyun’s Vlog):

Dance with me under the diamonds

See me like breath in the cold

Sleep with me here in the silence

Come kiss me, silver and gold

You say that I won't lose you

But you can't predict the future

So, just hold on like you will never let go

Yeah, if you ever move on without me

I need to make sure you know that

You are the only one I'll ever love

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Looking back on my life

You're the only good I've ever done (ever done)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone (anyone)

Not anyone

Forever's not enough time to (oh)

Love you the way that I want (love you the way that I want)

'Cause every morning I find you (oh)

I fear the day that I don't

You say that I won't lose you

But you can't predict the future

'Cause certain things are out of our control

Yeah, if you ever move on without me

I need to make sure you know that

You are the only one I'll ever love

Only one (I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Yeah, you, if it's not you it's not anyone

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Looking back on my life

You're the only good I've ever done (I've ever done)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

It's not anyone, not anyone

Oh, oh, oh, oh

If it's not you, it's not anyone

Oh, oh, oh, yeah, whoa

Yeah, you are the only one I'll ever love

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

(I gotta tell ya, gotta tell ya) gotta tell ya

Looking back on my life

You're the only good I've ever done (ever done, oh, yeah)

Yeah, you, if it's not you, it's not anyone

If you read the lyrics, you will notice that the context is very similar to “10000 hours”. It talks about the uncertainties of a beautiful love or in other words: No matter what the future brings to us, this love will last forever.

This context of uncertainty and unknown future for a romance is a common concept in many of the songs Jungkook has covered and it’s not limited to the Justin Bieber covers he has done and maybe this concept can be the topic for my next analysis.

#jikook #jikookanalysis #jimin #jungkook

52 notes · View notes

jjfics · 4 years ago

Text

Rosemary and Thyme - On The Run | 02

ship: Five Hargreeves x Female!Reader

summary: The Reader has killed someone and now the Hargreeves and her have to hide. So they look for shelter in the only place they know would welcome them: The Reader’s former employer.

series: read part 1 here

author: jane jack aka your girl jjfics

words: 3250

warnings: mentions of death, murder, blood and homelesness, feelings of uncertainty and anxiety, flashbacks, angst, guns, allusion to smut (does not happen though, i’ve cut it right before), smoking

a/n: i definitely did not expect it to be seen. i know 100 notes is not a lot, but i think i did pretty well for my second imagine out there, huh. thanks guys, for reading. i hope this one is just as great (or who knows, maybe better?). let me know if anyone would like a part 3. -jj

tags: @nimusicaltrash :3

Vanya and Allison were asleep in the backseat. Klaus, cramped between them, waved around a magazine he picked up from the last gas station you stopped at. Luther and Diego were discussing plans in the back, on the second row of seats.

Five took the passenger seat, he was very tired from all the driving. He refused to make any stops at all until it was absolutely necessary. The dark circles around his eyes begged him to sleep, but he couldn’t. All he could feel was stress and desperation. I have to get my family to safety, he would think.

Your now clean hands were clenched around the wheel of the car. The city was getting closer every moment and you unconsciously pressed harder on the gas pedal.

“Hey, hey! Careful there, I can’t read well when you go that fast” Klaus whined and you sighed. Right.

You saw Five look at his watch as he started bumping his right foot anxiously. Just a couple of metres away stood the “Welcome to Dallas” board.

“On time?” you ask, trying not to panic.

“Exactly on time” he reassures you with a nod. “Are you ready?” Ready? You were terrified.

“You’ll be okay. I’ll come inside with you, just in case.”

“What do you think old John can do to harm me?”

John was your boss in the 60s. Your salvation. He was mesmerized by your voice that day at the bakery, and he kept asking people around until he found you. It was your second night sleeping under the open sky, and little did you know it was all going to change. He made you a star. One makeover later and a lot of clothing stores you basically swapped lives with Allison. He let you live in the apartment above the club.

And he was probably also six feet under right now.

“Oh I wouldn’t be worried about him.” Five replies sarcastically. “Maybe he has a son. Whoever is in charge of the place, might be an issue for us.”

“What do you mean?”

“I just… What if he won’t cooperate? What if he won’t understand, or worse, give us to the police…” after he said that, he looked zoned out for a moment, as if he was going through all the possible ways your plan could fail.

If the police found you, you would be going straight to jail. There was no doubt that the Hargreeves could pay for your bail. So no worries with the police, really. But you were never going to be a free woman. The Commission would search for you, and if you killed one of them again, they would send new men after you until they made sure you were gone for good. As gone as the one you saw bleed to death.

You put your hand on his knee as you turned left onto the main street. If the club was still standing it should be just around the corner.

His attention switched back to you and he scoffed quietly. “Look at us. Just a couple of hours ago you were the one having a panic attack and now it’s my turn.”

A small smile appeared on your face. “We’re a team, remember?” And he mirrored the expression just before you parked the car.

“Alright everybody, listen up!” he shouts so that everyone would turn and look at him. The sisters woke up too. They were all on the same train now. “Me and y/n are going to walk inside this club and arrange something so we’ll sleep safely for tonight. Vanya is going to wait in the car, ready to drive away and help us escape. Diego and Luther will wait outside. Got it?” Diego raised an eyebrow but Five continued “Just in case anything happens. You never know.”

“I’ll wait with them, I need to breathe some fresh air” Allison said as she stretched her arms as far as she could in the small van.

“Alright then” Five said, looking at the main entrance of the club through the passenger window. “Let’s get to this y/n” he gave you a small smile.

You searched for his hand and squeezed it gently.

The doors of the car closed behind you two as you got out of the car. Diego, Luther and Allison were pretending they were just locals talking about what not, getting closer to the big glass doors. When they stopped walking Diego turned a bit to the left and started laughing. This was it, your sign to go.

“Hey, be safe, okay? Leave as soon as anything gets out of hand. We can find some other place to stay at.” Vanya told you when you were ready to get out of the car. Your best friend was worried about you, of course. She is always a bit anxious. But you had no other choice.

On the way here you were mentioned 8 times on the radio. You and the Hargreeves. Wanted criminals. This was your only chance to find shelter. If this didn’t work, you couldn’t really find some other place. You would pretty much have to sleep in the car or on the streets. No, impossible, you couldn’t go through that again.

“We’ll be fine Vivi.” She chuckles sadly at the nickname you gave her in the early stages of your friendship.

“Klaus, hand me that magazine! It’s my turn” Vanya said while tapping her fingers on the steering wheel.

“Ah, fine.” he whined. “Turn on the radio.”

Hand in hand with Five you made your way to the front hall of the club, heading towards the bar, which was on a platform just above the empty dance floor. You took your sunglasses off as you sat on one of those black stools at the bar. Same leather like 50 years ago. It felt surreal to be here again, with Five sitting next to you.

“What are you doing so early? And with a kid? There ain’t no party yet ms.” you couldn’t help but smile as you recognized the southern drawl. You pushed your foot on the floor and rotated the chair. There she was, with her hair pinned up the same way as always, wearing short heels that matched her dark lipstick. It had been so long since you had seen her.

Amy Stephens, your boss John’s little sister. She should be 74 by now, and even though she was just 17 when you started working at the club, you still knew who she was. Amy was the only friend you had during those months when you were alone. You showed her how to do her make up, you went shopping together when you needed new stage outfits, you taught her how to fight, something John would’ve scolded you for if he found out.

“Hello.” you said looking kindly at your old friend. “I’m not here for any party. I’m just looking for someone.”

“Oh well, let’s see if I can be of any help to ya. What you got?”

“Do you happen to know a Stephens?” Five asked her.

“Stephens? Yeah, yeah, that’s me kid. With what business are you coming here?” she questioned resting her arm on her hip.

“Are you in charge of the place?” you said putting your glasses in the pocket of your jacket.

“Sure am. Can I help you?”

“Yeah… we… uh… a friend told us you used to give the apartment for rent? Is that… still available?” You didn’t quite know how to carry the conversation without blowing your cover.

“Ah, yes. It’s been a long time since anyone slept in there. You knew the famous y/n Hargreeves used to live here?” Five suppressed a smile, winking at you, but the woman didn’t notice. “Do you kids even know her? You look young. Anyways, popular singer back in 62. Or was it 63?” she muttered.

“Big fans” Five told her.

Your name wasn’t Hargreeves, of course, but you had no certificate when your boss found you. So you did everything you could to associate yourself with Five and his siblings in hope you might find them.

“Would you be interested in staying here?”

“Yes, that’d be really nice” Five said eagerly.

“Follow me, I’ll show you around.”

The door to your old apartment opened and little dust particles could be seen floating in the morning light. Amy pushed the wooden door with her shoulder and walked inside.

“My God, we haven’t been in here since Ms Hargreeves moved out. Seems like she really was our last tenant” she whispered, but you heard her well. “But don’t worry children, the place is clean. There’s two bedrooms and a bathroom, a small kitchen and a balcony. Come come”. You knew that grin, it meant the apartment has probably been rotting ever since you left.

She led you to the bedroom that wasn’t used when you lived here. “See, two rooms, perfect for you and the kid, huh” She tried to convince you. Five chuckled and put his arm around your waist when she turned around to walk to the main bedroom.

“And this… this is the second one. There’s still a luggage full of her stuff under the bed but I can get rid of that for ya.” she slapped her hand on the mattress and more dust came out of it. “So what you thinkin’? You like it here?”

“Oh that's not a problem girl, bring them in. As long as you don’t make too much noise after 11 pm, we’re all good.”

You shared a look with Five to tell him This is the best we could do. He nodded and you both turned to look at Amy who was now staring uncomfortably at the two of you. Yeah, you would have to hide your relationship around her. He moved his hand casually and then you spoke again. “Yes, this is quite what we were looking for. But it’s not just us. We’ll be 7, including me, my boyfriend and his 5 siblings.”

“Isn’t there noise from the party downstairs anyways at that hour?” Five asked her. The expression on Amy’s face changed as she looked down.

“The party huh… you’re not from here are ya? Well, I was just joking earlier, kid. When y/n Hargreeves left the club, the people got angry. She was the main reason why people still came. Most stopped coming after some time, it simply wasn’t smart to keep the club partying. Now it’s nothing more than a property.”

They… went bankrupt, because you stopped showing up? You knew people loved you, but John never told you you were the one holding up their business. A tear rolled down your cheek. All that fame, all the posters. You had bleached your hair when you returned to 2019 and you wore sunglasses everywhere. No one could know who you were. Some get their 30 seconds of fame, you got your year. One year could mean your whole life sometimes.

You were laying on Elliot’s couch with the phone pressed between your ear and shoulder as you were trying to take off your coat. Five reached to help you mouhting I got it. He took your coat to the hanger and then disappeared into the kitchen.

“Hello, this is John Stephens speaking.”

“Hi, John. It’s just me, y/n. I- uh, I’m calling from a friend's house. I think I’m going to spend the night. Just thought it’ll be fine for you to know in advance.”

“y/n, yes. So, what you’re saying is... that you won’t be here in time for tonight’s show?” he said anxiously. You didn’t know this at the time, but he was worried about losing profit.

“No no, I just- I would really want to hang out with my friend and it’ll be just for tonight.”

Gosh, you were reasoning with him as if he were your dad.

“Oh,come on, Hargreeves. Not even one song?”

You laughed at how disparate he was. “Sorry. Not even one. I’ll be gone til morning. But I’m sure no one will miss me that much. Besides, you can always ask Amy to sing. She’s been getting better. For real, John. That girl has potential.”

“There ain’t no well in hell I’m letting my sister get up in front of all these drunks to sing. She’s just 17, woman!”

You couldn’t stop laughing now. “Goodnight, John. I’ll- Well I’ll see you on Monday if we don’t run into each other.”

“Have a nice evening, y/n”

You hung up the phone and rose from the couch. When entering the kitchen you saw Five pouring coffee in two big mugs. You went and hugged him from behind, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek. You could feel him smiling as you kissed him again. He took the mugs and turned around to face you leaning on the counter.

“Did you miss me?” he asked innocently, making you giggle.

You leaned in and kissed him. You could still taste the coffee on his lips. He kissed you back and you felt him smirk as you laced your hands behind his neck.

“Did I miss you?” you asked him back rhetorically. And you could see how eager he was to meet your lips again. You gave him a quick peck on the lips, and one on his shoulder, and then you hugged him tightly. “I did. A lot.”

“I know what it’s like to be alone. I promise you, we won’t have to go through that again. I’ll try everything I can do to be together forever.”

“Forever?” you asked.

“Assuming you won’t kick me out, of course.” You smacked his arm.

“Idiot.” you said between laughs. “Give me one of those mugs.”

He hands you your coffee and you take a sip. “Black?”

“We have a lot to talk about,” he said.

You both sat back on the couch and went over anything and everything. How you got famous. Where the others were. How he just arrived. What he saw. How long everyone had been here.

“How long do we have?” you asked, searching for his eyes.

He leaned back on the couch. “A lot more than last time. Enough time to find out what causes it, and more importantly, how to stop it.”

You smiled at his words. After all this time, you were finally reunited, and no one was rushing you now. You had nothing to lose anymore, except time. Your hands unconsciously inched towards his thigh and you traced small hearts on his leg. “That means we can breathe safely for a while, right?”

Five brought you closer to him, straddling him now. He brushed your hair behind your ear so you could see him better. Your fingers explored his face carefully. The bump of his nose, his cheeks, his dimples as he grinned at you. Gosh, how you had missed his dimples. You missed everything about him.

“We have almost one full year,” he said.

“Then we better make the best of it, right?” you said as your lips brushed against his.

He laid his head on the fluffy cushions and you followed, not breaking eye contact. His blue eyes scanned yours and your soul ran wild. You towered over him and pressed your forehead on his. Suddenly, the sound of the cars outside stopped and it all went silent. In this moment, there was only you and him. And this moment would exist forever.

You had to make up for all the time you were apart. You kissed him passionately, closing your eyes. His hands flowed along your curves and rested on your hips, pressing you hard on his chest. The kiss tasted like his favourite kind of coffee. Every movement of yours was matched instantly by him. He didn’t need words to know. Neither did you.

Five pulled away for a second, looking at you lovingly, desire clear in his eyes. He took your left hand in his and shifted you so that you were laid on your back. He sat on his elbows just above your head. Your hands hugged his shoulders, getting him to slowly bend down. You could feel your eyes fill with tears as you watched him watch you. A flash of worry appeared on his face, but just for a moment.

Five wiped your cheeks with the back of his palm, and kissed your cheeks. You kissed his hand and he kissed yours back, his hot breath fanning over your sensitive skin. His kisses started to travel upwards, to your elbow, then shoulder, then neck, then down again. You closed your eyes as his kisses passed your collarbone. He tugged softly on your shirt.

“May I?” he hummed with a boyish smirk you hadn’t seen in a long while. You nodded, brushing his hair back.

“Yes, please.” you flushed.

He started unbuttoning your shirt, enjoying every second of it. With every button, he would press one more kiss. With every breath, you would inhale his sweet scent, praying to never forget it.

The morning was cold. Diego and Lila were asleep in the bedroom, Elliot on an armchair. Oh, the poor man couldn't even sleep in his own bed. Five was on the couch, next you. You pushed the blanket closer to him and got up after pecking his forehead.

“Goodmorning, y/n.” he whispered, not even bothering to open his eyes.

“Morning, Five.”

“Where are you going?” he whined.

“Oh don’t worry, I’ll be right back”

You searched for your shirt and pants only to find them underneath your pillow. Getting dressed up in a hurry, you covered your shoulders with what seemed to be another blanket… or a really long scarf. Either way, it was warm enough. You reached for a cigarette in your pocket and made your way outside.

You sat on the cold stairs that led up to the entrance of the building and watched the people pass the alley.

“Look at them, rushing to get to their shitty jobs in time, to get their kids to school, rushing, rushing, rushing.” you scoffed under your breath.

“Good thing we don’t have to rush anywhere, right?” a voice startled you. You turned your head to the door to see Five already dressed nicely with a mug of, probably, coffee again. How convenient it could be for him sometimes to jump through space. Always a step ahead of you.

“That's not healthy.” he pointed at your cigarette.

“That’s not either” you said gesturing to his drink and he chuckled, amused.

“Yeah, well, at least I won’t get sick” he sat down, resting his head on your shoulder.

“We can’t have that happen. Even a cold can be deadly for an old man like you.” You bumped your cigarette on the side of his mug smiling. “Cheers”

Making your way back to the car you saw everyone was outside.

“Vanya why are you not in the car?” Five asked immediately.

“It just took too long and I was worried.”

“Is it so hard to just stick to the rules? Is it? All you had to do was sit there.” he sighed.

Everyone looked worried, so you smiled softly. “We got the key guys, it’s all good. Let’s go upstairs, I’m tired.”

“Thank, God.” Allison said so relaxed, unaware of the gun pointing at her from behind a tree nearby. She walked to the club’s doors. “Let’s go.”

#number five #five x reader #five imagine #five hargreeves #five #five hargreeves imagine #five hargreeves x reader #number five x reader #number 5 x reader #number 5 #The Umbrella Academy #the umbrella academy imagine #tua imagine #number five imagine

103 notes · View notes

lovely-necromancy · 3 years ago

Text

A Cure for Insomnia CH 11

“Did I meet your friends last night?” Kirby asked as he unwrapped his crunchwrap in the driver's seat.

“uuh...kinda? Like Toby was with me when I gave you the Surge but you sorta just ran off with it.” you pause as you sip a bit of your Baja Blast. “Like a fucking gremlin.”

Kirby lets out a snort and lettuce drops from his mouth. He tries to hide his messy eating behind his hand. Failing miserably, you can't help but laugh at your friend.

“Wha' bout the other two? Kieth said you ditched 'em.” For a man who was trying to cover up his mouth he sure had the audacity to try and talk with his mouth full.

“They're Toby's roommates, I haven't talked to them too much.” he nods as you speak.

“Well I promise I'll be more...together,” he makes a sort of questioning sound as he debates if that was the word he was looking for. He can't really think of anything else so he settles for 'together'. “next weekend. They are coming right?”

After a brief pause he gets his mind back in place, “This weekend, picnic's this weekend.” You chuckle.

“Toby said they'd stop by. Don't think any are really people people.”

“People people?”

“Yup” not going to let Kirby rile you up as he often tries. Not that he could with his current brain power. Sleep haze still has him in it's hold despite being “up” for about an hour now.

Out of everyone in your friend group Kirby is probably the one you're closest to. Along with being a fellow Ace he's an ambivert and you two just instantly clicked over dumb D grade monster movies. He jokes you guys must be long lost siblings. Well he only started the sibling thing because multiple Hornets or other members of the committee kept thinking you guys were dating. Since then Kirby takes to purposefully calling you some variation of sibling when he shows any type of affection. It seems even just being referenced to being in a relationship squicks him out. You don't mind though you'd always wanted an older brother and Kirby is the exact type you would've wished for. The funny dork who was super easy to get along with.

Even when he steals your nachos...like he is now.

“I'm starting to understand the Cain Instinct.” you say looking him dead in the eyes. He lets out a roar of laughter and reminds you he bought “breakfast”.

“Dad tax and all that.”

“You're not my dad! Ugly ass doodoo head.”

“Is that what that kid said? I don't think that's right.” another thing you share is constantly referencing vines or tiktok sounds.

This of course led to an argument of what the kid actually said in the vine. Both of you were determined to get home and look it up to prove the other wrong.

After your breakfast Kirby started the truck as you put all the trash into the Taco Bell bag. You switch on his stereo much to his chagrin. Kirby got a CD stuck in the radio and now the only thing he can listen to is a meme mix tape he made back in high school. It was funny the first two months for him and now he prays that the novelty will ware off on you soon.

Though it has been a few weeks since he last drove you anywhere, and what can he say Discord is always a bop.

Kirby drops you off without much fanfare, you both agree to seeing each other next week at the picnic. Is it ironic that you want to call out for him to get some more sleep? Like you are the one who's been up since five AM and it's now eleven. But you have a medical condition, Kirby is just over worked and stressed beyond Hell and back.

Getting inside you have nothing really planned for today and while you could start heading out to thrifts to find something formal for Jo's recital you really don't feel like it. Productivity wise you've already had a pretty busy weekend so no one can really judge you for taking it easy and just merging with the couch for the rest of it. Even you, you can be so tough on yourself sometimes.

British Bake Off is just the thing you need to enjoy the rest of your weekend. A calming low stress but funny baking show. Just turn your brain off and lose yourself in the soothing monotone of the judges. It's nearly six in the evening when you finally shake off your lazy day haze.

Getting up, bakers still baking, you start making a simple dinner. Fried egg on toast sounds good. Also a good balance to your supreme nacho breakfast from this morning. Dressing one slice of toast in butter and the other with butter, a little mayo, and a dash of Tabasco before placing the egg on it. You head back to eat and continue watching the competition. Your meal fills you and gives the energy you need to continue “leisureing”.

After an hour you get up and wash the dishes from earlier. And while you have no energy to actually play any of your video games right now you do want to log in for your dailies.

A quick trip to your bedroom has you grabbing your laptop before returning back to the comfort of your living room. Couch calling you to it's cozy embrace. You half pay attention to what you're doing as you set up your laptop, muscles running on muscle memory more than any conscious effort on your part. You hadn't even noticed your hands flickering across the board and logging into your email.

By the time you do realize you aren't on your game's site you see you have a new email. It's from Barclay.

'Coming to ask for my help?' you think a little too smug that you'd been right about the cooking being too much for the man.

However, that wasn't what he was messaging you about. It seems he and Leo had been talking and the old man mentioned what your plans for cooking were.

Shortie,

Leo says you're making forager's pie for the picnic. Seasons ripe for ramps and mushrooms. You in for a little adventure through new unexplored territory?

...I'm hunting some lobster mushrooms, could use a hand or two Will share the bounty. ~Barclay sent 12:04 PM

An olive branch in hopes you weren't too sore about his rejection from earlier this week. The message and sentiment is lost on you since you got over that Thursday.

The idea of new terrain makes you a bit uneasy, however lobster mushrooms were pretty good and forage finds were really rare. Barclay grew up in these woods he probably knew what he was doing, not to mention he could easily know where to find ramps. Their flavor would really up your pie game. It's settled you're in for a forage date with big foot as your guide.

Am in Big Feet. When are we going? Sent 7:20 PM

Like with most things a waiting game began, down sides to living in a radio quiet community people weren't as attached to electronics because of the limited capabilities. But now that you know Barclay is emailing you, you can check your phone more often. Shutting down your laptop you close it before sliding it under your coffee table as you slide down the couch getting comfy.

It was two hours before Barclay got back to you.

Fantastic! Does Tuesday work? ~Barclay sent 9:42 PM

Barclay must be in a rush to get those mushrooms. You'd been thinking Thursday or Friday at the latest for the freshest mushrooms. Maybe he didn't need them for the picnic but a personal project. From what Jake has told you Barclay often falls into spells of testing out new ideas with the strangest of ingredients. With varying results but mainly positive ones.

Yea sure. Meet at the lodge after my shift? Sent 9:50 PM

Perfect see you then. ~Barclay sent 9:52 PM

Oki Sent 9:52 PM

Now that that has been settled you are free to continue your chill Sunday. Losing yourself to the lulling voices of the judges you hardly notice as you drift off. Warm in your throw blanket cocoon and cozy on the plush of your couch.

You jolt up right panting after being woken up by a loud bang. Or at least you thought you'd heard a bang, Sometimes auditory hallucinations came to you in your sleep no matter how well rested you were. The room around you is dark as the light from your TV is dimmed with Netflix's 'Are you still watching?' pop up mocking you for your marathon.

Without thinking you hit 'yes' and the bake off resumes. With the brightness restored you can see your living room and hallway are completely undisturbed. An auditory hallucination must have pulled you out of sleep. Nothing more, after all your stalker wouldn't get sloppy now, it's only been three weeks.

'That you know of.' seems to whisper and embed itself in your mind.

Shaking off the worrying thought you look at your phone to see it's now quarter till one. You are hungry and don't feel like cooking. Thankfully you have emergency white castles and fries in your freezer for this exact need. Getting up you go to the kitchen to microwave your food. Popping the fries in first you decide to head to the bathroom before that becomes a problem for you.

Before you go down the hallway you do end up grabbing the bat next to the bookshelf. The whisper from earlier clearly hasn't done much to settle your nerves after your rude awakening. Protection in hand you have a little less anxiety about walking down the dark hallway. You'd have to look into installing one of those cheap wall lamps from Home Depot to help you out in situations like this. Either that or a night light in your bathroom, you can probably get the night light done quicker. Maybe Leo sells them, you'll have to check next week.

You made it back to the kitchen after your bathroom break without any surprises, real or imaginary, jumping out at you. Replacing the fries inside your microwave with sliders, you snack on a few while you wait for the rest of your meal.

It's probably paranoia but you can't blame yourself for it as you continue to keep an ear out for any sound of abnormal movement within your home, as you eat and have the bake show low enough to catch the sounds of another person. None come, and you finish your food without incident. You're willing to chalk the noise up to a hallucination and your paranoia as valid but not necessary in this moment. Without much more thought you place your empty plate on the coffee table and curl back up in your throw blanket. Just like before you don't catch yourself as you fall asleep. This time you don't wake up until your phone alarm goes off for you to start your week and head to work.

The week has been much less dramatic than last week had been. But then again it is only Tuesday and you literally have gay brunch this Sunday. There will definitely be some sort of theatrics this week. Whether they come from homosexuals or your stalker is up to God.

Then later today you'll be going foraging with Barclay. And while that isn't anything dramatic it will be an adventure and, you hope, really fun! Your excitement has been tangible all day and you couldn't hold yourself back from focusing only on the clock in the shop all day. Even giddier than normal for the strike of five. With the energy rushing through you it amped up your tics but thankfully you hadn't hurt yourself in your excitement.

Even Nate is beginning to playfully tease you about your “date” with Barclay.

Great he must've been talking to Little Jo. What is it with this family and wanting you to date the lodge owner? Do you just look like the lead in a Hallmark Christmas movie that moved to a small town in order to feel the joy of the holidays? You could definitely get into the role but you don't think Barclay would be the main love interest for you.

Honestly he'd probably be the one all the viewers cheered for but you'd personally go for the puppy dog partner that has a scarred past. You have a type and your type is emotionally wounded and needing of love. That thought had made you chuckle as you and Nate closed up the store for the day.

Nate kept looking over at you throughout the day, and when he heard you giggle to yourself at closing he couldn't help the fond smile that came over his features. He could feel how his brows lifted themselves from their normally furrowed or downward tilt. He'd have let you leave early had it not been for the new procedures Big Jo had set. It's not often that your excitement shows so visibly. It's not often that the Cowell family has seen you happy like this.

But Nate understands it's not the crush that Little Jo seems to think it is, it's something more bittersweet. It's the excitement that comes from finally waning off of being isolated for so long. And boy does Nate understand that feeling. If he had to guess Nate would say you've been alone for most of your life even if you don't act like it. You need these little hangouts with your friends. So he does his fastest close yet. You both are out the door by five after and he bids you goodnight as you head to your respective cars.

With the close tonight being so quick you made it to the lodge and parked in the half full lot just before five thirty. Getting out of your car you noticed a familiar duo sitting on the stoop of the lodge.

'Something's wrong.' is the only thought you have as you walk towards the lodge.

“Hey stranger.” the brunette looks up to you at your greeting.

In this light you can just catch the slight movement of his pupils in his dark eyes as they widen in surprise.

“oh...hey?” he seems confused to see you here. Must not be used to living in a small town yet. He'll learn soon enough that you run into everyone all the time here. Sometimes multiple times a week as it would seem.

“You good?” motioning towards the hand on the back of his neck.

“Yea, fucking Bri-an Mrrow thought I needed this.” Toby moves his hand to show an ice pack that you assume he's been holding to the back of his neck.

“Heat sickness?”

“Nah, the RV's AC busted. I can probably fix it by the end of the week.” you nod.

That makes sense, after all CIPA affects thermal regulation, at least from a basic skim. You really need to get on that deep dive to make sure you're prepared for irregular injury prevention with Toby. Speaking of, the boy in front of you is just sitting here with Connor, why? Even if he's here to get a room at the lodge why didn't he just go in? Connor is a service dog after all not like anyone could turn him away. So why was Toby just sitting out here, especially if Brian thought he needed an ice pack to the neck to keep cool?

As if the universe heard your question and decided to give you an answer, Aubrey opened the door and poked her head out.

“Thanks for letting me put up Dr. Harris Bonkers. I'll keep him in my room during your stay.” Oh that makes sense Aubrey's rabbit normally has the run of the lodge. Even if Connor's a service dog and well trained Dr. Bonkers is still a prey animal with a weak heart. Seeing Connor may have stressed the poor rabbit out, if not nearly given him a heart attack.

Her russet eyes land on you when she opens the door wider to, you assume, let Toby and Connor in. They widen and Aubrey rushes in to hug you before stopping short as if remembering you don't appreciate physical contact.

“Hey YN! I didn't know you were coming over.” She says a little awkwardly mid pose for a hug.

You won't be saving her from the situation. With a smile, that she can't see, you nod.

“Barclay's taking me foraging today.”

Aubrey nods while lowering her arms and takes a few steps back so you and Toby can enter the lodge. The large foyer of the wooden chalet always looks bigger thanks to the deep red tones in it's color palette. From the dark cherry stained wood to the red rugs and table liners. Always feels a lot warmer too, but in a homey sense not the overbearing swelter of heat sense. You can't wait to see what it's like in the winter. Probably so cozy and welcoming with a fire roaring and the murmur of residents and tourist mingling over the winter festivities. There's a swell in your chest at the thought...it seems nice, you hope you're right.

'Hope you see it.' is the dark whisper that taints your thoughts.

You notice Brian and Tim are over at the counter talking to Barclay who is nodding along sympathetically to the trio's plight. He catches your eye and motions for you to wait. You'd been planning to, after all he's currently working.

Turning to Toby you see he looks a bit paler than normal, which should be a difficult feat. Aubrey had left you both, though you aren't sure if she'll be coming back with her girlfriend Dani in a moment or not. You decide to lead Toby over to the obnoxiously plush couch in the den.

It's not like the lodge is off limits to those who aren't guests, and seeing as most of it's workers live here their friends frequently come around thus using the amenities. After sitting on the couch Toby grabs at Connor's ears and starts shaking them. He isn't being rough with them despite the jerky movements and Connor seems to lean into the pet.

Just from what you can gather it seems like Toby has some pretty bad social anxiety. You really aren't sure of what you could do to help. He calmed down at the movie night with a distraction...oh that reminds you, you fell asleep on him. Figuratively and literally.

“I'm sorry for falling asleep on you.” probably not the most tactful or elegant way of bringing this up.

Toby takes a minute to register you words. Not taking his eyes off Connor or ceasing his movements he says, “Eh.” as he gives a muted shrug and continues, “Your friend...Kirby...gave you a ride right?” He said Kirby's name like a question. You'd have to formally introduce the two at some point. Probably this weekend.

“Yea, he's sorry about being a weirdo Saturday, said he'd be more “present” this weekend.”

Toby doesn't say anything more and you let a silence fall over you two. It isn't awkward, at least to you, and you're content to just sit and wait for a while. However, it doesn't take long before Tim, Brian, and Barclay are all entering the den.

“Knew they'd be here,” Barclay says to the other two, “Sorry 'bout the wait YN, Jake's comin' down to give these guys a tour an' set them up. We'll leave when he gets down.” you nod and give the other two a muted wave 'hello'.

It isn't long before Jake is sliding down the banister and leading the group out of the room before Barclay can get on to him about his juvenile behavior. Sighing at the twenty-three year old's antics Barclay turns to you and looks at what you're wearing. Hiking boots and jeans, perfect but one thing is missing.

“C'mon let's go get duct taped.”

“Duct taped?”

“Yup, keeps ticks from climbing up you.”

So you make your way to his office where he sticks duct tape, sticky side up, around each ankle and just above and below your knees. All while explaining how if a tick started to try and climb up you the tape would make them stick and stay there. You'd end up with less ticks on your torso and hopefully none at all.

In no time the two of your were in the forest two baskets in hand and hunting for your immobile prey. The ramps were super easy to find and the first you knocked off the hunt list. Barlcay said they grow in the same area every year, knowing this you may have to come and grab some the next time they're in season. You can already taste how good your forager's pie tastes with the new earthy tones. Actual mushrooms were much harder to find, aside from the lobster mushrooms you were really only looking for some hedgehog mushrooms. They aren't rare or extremely difficult to find but you two aren't having any luck.

Barclay suggested a spot just past a little pond, and while you didn't find mushrooms you did find some Black Raspberry bushes. Not one to let ingredients go to waste Barclay starts picking some, and you grab some too. Maybe baking an easy Black Raspberry cobbler will be your consolation prize. Though Barclay isn't as placated as you are with the unexpected find. The man is still on the hunt for his lobster mushrooms. So you continue scouring the path and a little bit off it in search.

“We should head back, it's dark.” you state plainly after a few hours of searching and remaining mushroom less.

Barclay agrees, but makes the comment that he'll probably come out again in a day or two.

“If I find any I'll still give you some or helping out today.”

“It's fine I've got my treasures right here.” You shrug it off, because while you are a bit disappointed, you still have ramps and the opportunity to make cobbler. It's not all bad. Barclay on the other hand, you know, will not be letting this go so you expect he'll hand you a container of mushrooms sometime in the coming month if not this weekend.

Getting back to the lodge Barclay helps you cut off the duct tape and disposes of it and the hitch hikers you picked up. He sends you off to shower and check for stragglers before he would allow you to go home. Thankfully you had the foresight to bring a change of clothes and after retrieving them from your trunk you do as you're told.

Barclay was right you hadn't had a single tick on you and you feel much better after a shower. Getting out you already smell the alluring aroma of Barclay's kitchen. You must have taken a bit longer than you intended if he was already done with his own shower and already cooking for the lodge. Heading downstairs with your duffle bag in tow, you are stopped by Dani at the door.

You haven't seen her in a bit so the two of you catch up and have a chat. After a bit Aubrey comes in with a Tupperware container of grilled salmon and veggies over rice.

“Oh I see, you were a diversion.” you said looking at Dani as you take the container. Dani gives a sheepish smile before running off to the dinning room, and after sending you a coy smile of her own Aubrey follows after.

You know you're more than welcome to join them, but you really don't have the battery for that and just want to decompress at home.

“Thank you!” you call out into the lodge, only leaving after hearing the distant chuckles drifting through the hall.

Opening the door you run right into someone. Looking up you see Toby, but he isn't wearing a mask. Instead he's wearing a large bandage on his face to cover the hole. In his hands is a box of similar bandages. Guess if they're staying for a bit he'll need them around the others.

Should you mention the others wouldn't say anything? That this whole place was like Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, but for the misfits or the weird and disowned? You aren't really sure it's your place. And you aren't really sure you're comfortable with how comfortable you've gotten with Toby. You're probably crossing some boundary by over analyzing him so much. And he doesn't even know you're doing it.

Toby knocks you out of your head when he backs away and gives you space to exit the lodge.

“Get home safe.” it falls out of his mouth so easily.

You've noticed he has a habit of saying that...why? There you go over analyzing him, you need to stop. Shaking yourself from your thoughts this time you look at Toby with a smile.

“I will...I think you'll like it here.” when you're in your car you want to slam your head on the steering wheel but Toby is still watching. Why did you say that, you're so weird.

#ticci tobyx reader #ticci toby #ticcitoby #creepypasta fanfic #timothy wright x reader #timothy wright #timothy wright x brian thomas #brian thomas x reader #brian thomas #masky x you #masky

7 notes · View notes