#it’ll be out today hopefully!
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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I’ve been mentally struggling really bad these past few weeks and my therapist recommended I get medicated so I called someone and they didn’t answer and haven’t called me back yet. so when I told my therapist about it this morning (mid another breakdown) she was like “well if they don’t call back by x date then call back again and again until they answer so you can be treated” like damn am I tripping that bad 🧍🏽♀️
#like my bad AKSJDKDJD#I have been tripping lately tho ngl I can’t even be mad at her#I hope if they do give me something that it’ll help me be able to get waxes again LOL#I miss it but the anxiety was so shit#anyway I have a headache from having like nine panic attacks today#and I’m about to knock out hopefully 👍🏽#tw: vent#tw: personal#tw: panic attack#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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I’m working tonight but I wanna try sending some asks out before I go!! I’m currently trapped downstairs dog sitting ( again ) so I’mma try giving y’all some Hermione content if peeps wants some rn ✨
#{✦| mobile — out of character |✦}#{✦| I’ve been busy with life these past few days so hopefully after today it’ll finally calm down!!#{✦| on the back end of it w my granddads bungalow and such so#{✦| hopefully we’re in a good spot
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I've always seen posts about how bad it hurts when your kid is heartbroken, and I don't have a kid but l've helped raise my niece for so many years and through so many milestones, always there for the important and the not important stuff and she feels more like my little sister than my niece. She's tough like me and also a teenager so she keeps her emotions to herself and I gotta say her coming into my bedroom earlier crying and defeated about this boy - hurt in a different way because I can’t fix that.
#first loves#I went to work stressed!!!!!!#she texted some updates throughout the day though and they talked and are ok for rn#I’m so glad but also now I’m nervous for her and them because it’ll be so bad#on one hand I know she’s tough and would be ok and it’s ok to let go sometimes#but it’s her and I don’t want her to be sad#or if he sucked overall but he’s actually a really good kid and they’re good together#and they’re never apart and it’s been like a year and a half#so her confusion was so sad#she’s also weird with her emotions like me so I know she’s been going through it the last couple days#today was just the worst of them and I hope tomorrows better#I had mentioned to her to ask him to take a walk on the crusty beach nearby us to talk#and I looked at her location a bit ago and she was there was cute#they both turn 18 next month so it’s time to start growing and dealing with stuff in a different way#I can also legally beat him up if I had to lol#we all like him so it was even confusing to us like get it together brother#I’ll find out more later but hopefully all is well
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i wanna start buying manga n my friend told me it’s cheaper and easier to just get from amazon but i want the full overpriced inflated economy experience so im gonna go to barnes & nobles
#csm manga here i come#yapping#also sorry for not being able to get the gumi fic out today hopefully it’ll be sometime tmrrw!#was occupied w a dinner#n then we put up our ugly christmas tree#i was just thinking (and dreading) my christmas event the whole time
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The first night Kaeya had been brought to the Ragnvindr house, he could not sleep. He lay awake in bed, half expecting to be thrown out once morning came, so he wanted to be ready to face that. The second night, and the very night he realized he might actually be there to stay, he had followed an old Khaenri’ahn tradition his father had mentioned to him to cement that fact.
He had waited for all to sleep then snuck to the great fireplace he’d spotted while being shown around the place, and, after clumsily murmuring what he remembered to be the proper rites, walked through the still spot-stained place.
He had been caught by Adelinde during this process, and in spite of his fears at the time that she would hurt or scold him, she in fact not only heard him out to find out why he had done this, but also had helped him complete the final step of the process, letting him walk into her arms to show her acceptance of him in this new place. This new home.
It is for this reason, that Kaeya is quite attached to Adelinde, and had warmed up to her the fastest out of everyone else in the Ragnvindr household. From that moment on, she was now his safe place, when he wouldn’t trust most any other with his deepest, most painful emotions. For that moment on, no matter what happened or what may happen to him, wherever Adelinde would be, that to him, would certainly above all else truly be Home.
#//Based on that most recent tidbit the Genshin twit posted abt Khaenri’ah#hc; kaeya#//Ok got this lil blurb out#//Now#//I sleeb#//I need to condense a few icons; hopefully by tomorrow#//Err#//Later today bfbfb#//I hate the fact that Tuesday is such a busy day for me now; but this is hopefully the last week it’ll be THIS stressful#//Anywho; SURPRISE; no extra ranting in the tags hfbfb#//Pretty much said all I needed to say in post anyway#//Adds extra Sad; considering how he tries to stay away from Winery as much as he can#//plus him getting so thrown by Addie still tryna be doting on him#//Poor lads tryna fly the nest and stay out of it; meanwhile Mama Bird is doing her best to bring him right back nfnfn
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I just read black is the color of my true loves hair and I am SCREAMING AND FROTHING
I HAVE TO KNOW HOW HE AND MC MET. IT SOUNDS SO CUTE AND WHOLESOME.
Especially how u preluded it......... turning someone who sleeps around into a soft devoted boy is my favorite meal ♡♡♡
THIS IS LITERALLY THE MOST SWEETEST ASK TO WAKE UP TO I’M CRYING THANK YOU FOR READING that fic is my absolute beloved <333
AND AHHHHH DID YOU KNOW THAT I WAS THINKING ABT WRITING THE PREQUEL FIC (HOW THEY MET) YESTERDAY??? are you in my brain anon omfg…
JUST BC OF YOU I’LL BE STARTING ON OUTLINING IT SOON! (hopefully i get inspo on actual writing but i have some of the storyline down!) <333
as a lil treat for You my beloved… i’ll give you a smooch <3 also suguru’s tattoo parlor is called uzumaki 🤭 i may show parts of his time sleeping around but i think by the time they met he had his own tattoo parlor? I’M NOT EVEN SURE ANYMORE I HAVE TO REREAD MY OWN FIC NOW TO MAKE SURE NFNFNFNFNFNF 😭 but yes they ARE both so devoted and soft <333 wholesome sometimes but feral little demons in love the other <333
i love you so much thank you for sending me this <3 what a wonderful thing to wake up to :’) ILYSM :D i’ll get started on it soon just for you! <3
(also dear anon idk if you’ll see this but lmk what stuff you want me to put in the fic as a treat for you! if it works well w the story i’ll see what i can do :D)
(a treat for you anon these texts killed me) ^^^ the way their relationship in “black is the color of my true love’s hair” works btw reader is in grey and suguru is in blue 🤭
#asks#anon#lmk if you want it to just be the meetcute or show when they get into a relationship/maybe even smut? idk yet LOL#this goes for anyone who sees this ask/read the fic 😭#i’ve been in such a writing rut!!!!! hopefully if i outline this fic today/tomorrow it’ll help 😭😭😭#the first one is also how fashion designer reader flirts w curator geto#second one is just all my readers to suguru#both are black is the color!reader JDJDJDJDJDJDJ#anyways. love you anon SMOOCHES!!!!! that fic is my fav thing i have wrote (probs cuz it’s the most fleshed out/first official fic hehe)#i’ll get to outlining today if i can :D i didn’t know if anyone would really want the prequel (i was gonna make it anyways but not yet)#BUT NOW :D SOMEONE WANTS IT!!!!! WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#ilysm i’m so giddy this fic and all the tags/comments on that fic really blossomed my heart :’) ilysm again hehe 🩷
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I can’t believe I’m actually going on a trip to Japan. And it’ll be my first trip without family. Ah dreams do come true for those who have friends that ask them randomly on a Wednesday afternoon (last week) if they wanna go on a trip with them and then you forgot your passport expired so you went to renew it over the weekend but your photo got rejected so you made your way down to immigration to beg them to expedite your passport with the new photo you submitted after telling them your sob story (not that I was flying off to Japan) and then the officer gave in and approved my passport and then your friend was able to book the flight and that’s how dreams come true.
Brb I’m going to visit the famous satosugu kfc breakup spot.
#text#aidah shut up#my flight is at midnight today#random shit your unemployed friend does in their life#tbh my parents kept asking me to renew my passport ages ago#but I don’t like going on trips with them cause they stress me out#and I always end up crying on trips cause of that#hopefully this will be better#I’ll have fun#I’m going with my childhood bestie#I was her bridesmaid at her wedding#so i sorta know how she is in stressful situations#it’ll work out
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eeJAHAAJHA was having a good day and THEN decided to fucking DROP food on my favourite cream sweater
#it’s white#it’s really soft too#this makes me so sad#I am SO RESTLESS TODAY SHDHSJS sorry#me.#hopefully it comes out#I think it’ll come out#please pray it comes out
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Making some white turkey chili in a little bit and I’m honestly so excited
Bf and I are coming to a time of semi rest before he starts a new (full time!!) job at the start of the year but there’s still a lot of residual stress lingering around and I think we could def use some comfort food
And imho soups/stews/chilis are some of the easiest foods to transition to magic as well, so there’s definitely gonna be some of that in there too (especially because this is my first chance to bust out my giant stew pot since we moved in and there are few things that feel more like making potions to me)
#kitchen witchcraft#hey y’all I’m alive#planning to be posting more (and interacting with other people more) soon with the transition to the new year and everything#but yeah idk#just kinda been in maintenance mode lately#we both have#and I’m trying to move back into ‘living life’ mode without overwhelming myself#anyway I also made shortbread today and I’ve got the chili coming and I think that’s a pretty good way to do it#I know that cooking and baking makes me feel better#especially when I do it with love and attention#but lately I’ve just been too in my head to do it at all really#I do have to cut onions tonight though and I am Extremelh#y#sensitive to the whole crying thing#but it’ll be okay either way#i’m just happy to be here#this is a new(ish) recipe also so hopefully it turns out alright#if it’s any good I might post it idk#food magic#Is like the highest kind of magic to me in a lot of ways#anyway I’ll be quiet now but I’m feeling pretty good#hope y’all are too
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good morning, beans and buds! happy thanksgiving to those who celebrate and happy thursday to those who don’t 💜 please be safe and eat lots of tasty food!!
#i’ll likely lurk here and there and hopefully send out kaiya asks#but ofc it’s gonna be a busy day :’ )#part of me doesn’t wanna do this today simply bc i get nervous around my extended family bc i’m what you call socially anxious :) asdfh#but it’ll be fine and nice in the end i know#sending y’all love and wishing you a very lovely and safe day 💜#get ready to ramble | ooc
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Sad :(
#dndads oc#dungeons and daddies oc#vent art#sketti draws#real talk I’m getting blood drawn tomorrow and I’m scared lmao#I cried for so fucking long last year and it took them so long to get anything out of me#I drank exclusively water today so hopefully it’ll go better#and I’m bringing a stuffed animal
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Happy naddpod live in Philly day for all who will celebrate
#I’m so excited#hopefully I don’t have a meltdown this time#No but it’ll be fun#And I have midterms today but only 1/2 bc my writing teacher straight up didn’t give us one#AND I get to hang out with my mom#I love hanging out with my mom#naddpod
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i’m so fucking tired (physically but also emotionally/mentally) like i don’t even feel like a person rn
#i still have to finish my diary entry for yesterday + i have to do one for today bc once again my life has been insane and like. AUGH#i don’t have the energy to do that right now tho so tmrw night it is i suppose. anyway ummm. i still genuinely truly deeply have no idea#what the fuck i’m supposed to do about the dani (possibly my girlfriend???) situation like i cannot deal with this#like if she just wanted to casual date or whatever i might be fine with it but no she like ACTUALLY likes me and it’s fucking terrifying#and like. oh my god. ok so there’s this new app or whatever idk i hate it but point is you get lame ass questions like who’s the hottest#person or whatever and you have to pick out of the 4 randomized ppl from ur school it gives you#<- like when you download it you pick ur school and then it suggests you people only from ur school yknow. anyway she showed me some of the#ones ppl picked her for (it doesn’t tell you who picked you for what it just says their grade and gender) and anyway what i’m trying to get#at here is that in english class (while we were sitting super close together thighs touching and all) she showed me and one of the ones#someone picked her for was most likely to marry their high school sweetheart and she kinda looked at me and was like hopefully!#and uhhhh. obviously nobody’s talking about fucking MARRIAGE rn and she’s dated plenty of people in high school but STILL#and like. as i’ve said before i genuinely can’t see myself with her in the future and going into a relationship knowing it’ll end just feel#so fucking mean and like a waste of everyone’s time. except i don’t even know if i feel that way anymore or i’m just telling myself that bc#i’m scared of commitment or whatever#fuck!!!!#and of course there’s still my friend (diff person not dani) who i’m genuinely in love with like it’s actually so fucking bad#like i need to **** *** ** ******* *** *** *** **** *****#.txt#fake ex gf#crushposting#this is just a word for word repeat of my last 3 posts on this topic but anyway. the thing is if you asked me to choose between them (crush#and girl who likes me who i also kind of like) i’d pick my friend/crush like it wouldn’t even be that hard of a choice. but there is no#friend vs dani there’s only dani asking me out and like. ughhhhh#i can’t deal with this!!!!!!!!!!#gf
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OW
#well that’s enough working out for me today#was doing shoulder presses and tweaked my shoulder#luckily my shoulder isn’t too injured#i can still move it around#but it hurts like heck#guess I had it way too heavy 😔#and the weight wasn’t too bad but I guess it was too heavy for me too control#so my shoulder just went bnbjrdnknk#ow#hopefully if I’m nice to it it’ll get better#but uh…#yeah just gonna stick to the lighter weights#and I thought i was getting stronger too :(
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Spent all say yesterday prepping and running a D&D session!
And then today was spent grocery shopping, cooking (pozole & sourdough bread), watching a show together with my brother via discord, writing, and hanging out with a friend on the phone while we both played the sims.
(…then doing all the dishes from said cooking. 😂)
In short: a very pleasant weekend! ^_^
#forgot to take pictures of the soup with toppings 😩#which is a shame. it honestly looked kind of pretty; red broth and fresh radishes and purple cabbage and green cilantro#the sourdough… looks less pretty. I keep forgetting to adjust baking temperature when I cook with whole wheat#so its crust is very dark 😅#hopefully it’ll still taste good though. I’ll find out tomorrow! it hadn’t finished cooling before bed today#life flails#my stuff#my cooking#my baking
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