#it would be the best thing to ever happen in the history of the world fr

[girlactionfigure]

let Anne Frank rest

NOVEMBER 11, 2024

THIS IS DISRESPECTFUL

ANNE, MARGOT, THEIR MOTHER, AND FATHER WERE ZIONISTS

Here’s the thing: we have absolutely no way of knowing how Anne Frank would feel about today’s Israel-Hamas war, because her life was brutally cut short by the Nazis at just 15 years old. Is it possible that she would be attending pro-Palestine marches and donning keffiyehs? Sure, it’s possible. A minority of Jews do that.  

Here’s what we know for sure: in her own famous diary, Anne Frank wrote that she was interested in Zionism. Her sister, Margot Frank, was an ardent Zionist. She joined the Dutch Zionist youth club in 1941, and hoped to make aliyah (immigrate) to Mandatory Palestine, where she planned on becoming a midwife for the Yishuv (pre-state Jewish community in Palestine).

Otto Frank, the only family member to survive the war, was very, very strongly pro-Israel, particularly after the Holocaust (whereas beforehand, he was slightly more ambivalent, though never anti-Zionist). In fact, in the 1970s, Otto had a disagreement with the Anne Frank House, as he demanded that the museum’s statutes explicitly affirm Israel’s right to exist — a right much of today’s keffiyeh-wearing pro-Palestine movement doesn’t accept.

We don’t know how Anne would feel today. But we do know how most Holocaust survivors feel. Not only do most Holocaust survivors -- like most Jews -- support Israel, but 49% of today’s remaining 245,000 survivors live in Israel. It’s even possible that Anne may have moved to Israel had she survived the war; after all, Israel absorbed nearly 400,000 Holocaust survivor refugees between 1946-1952, including Anne’s childhood best friend, Hanna Goslar.

APPROPRIATION OF OUR TRAUMA, AGAIN

I’ve talked about Holocaust inversion on this account for years. I have numerous posts on it, with more coming. But perhaps I haven’t made this explicitly clear yet: Holocaust inversion -- that is, the depiction of Jews and/or Israelis as Nazis, crypto-Nazis, or “worse than the Nazis” and the Palestinians as the “true” victims of the Holocaust -- is a blatant appropriation of the Jewish people’s worst collective trauma.  

That is not to say that Palestinians don’t endure pain. Of course they do, and pain and trauma can’t exactly be quantified. But this obsession with stripping Jews of our very unique, deeply painful experience and placing it onto someone else is deeply offensive. At a certain point, it almost looks like these people have Holocaust envy, which is bizarre and frankly deeply disturbing.  

Why would you want this? For six years, the international community stood by as nearly 70% of Europe’s Jewish population was exterminated in the most industrialized genocide in human history. Countries all over the world shut their doors to Jewish refugees. The Allies refused to bomb the death camps and the railroads leading to the camps, despite the desperate pleas from the Jewish community. In 1939, there were 16.6 million Jews in the world. Today, 85 years later, we just scrape 15 million. This is not what has ever happened to Palestinians, whose population has not decreased by even half a percentage point since 1948, not even since October 7, and not even in Gaza (as there have been more births than deaths, according to Hamas and Save the Children). 

Even more infuriating? Not even did Palestinian Arab leadership collaborate with the Nazis during the Holocaust -- and in 1948 -- but public opinion polls from the time period demonstrate most Palestinian Arabs favored Nazi Germany. Enough. You don’t get to take this one from us, because your ancestors, too, were complicit during the Holocaust.

STOP IMPOSING IDENTITIES ON JEWS

As I explained in a recent post, antisemitism can arguably be divided into two categories: (1) “Nazi antisemitism,” which seeks to eliminate Jews physically, and (2) “Hanukkah antisemitism,” which seeks to strip Jews of the qualities that make us Jewish. In other words, forced assimilation.

Anne Frank was a Jewish child. She was born in Germany and later became Dutch. Never in her lifetime would she have worn a Palestinian keffiyeh, because at the time, the Palestinian keffiyeh was the official uniform of British officer Sir John Bagot Glubb’s “Desert Patrol,” comprised of Palestinian and Jordanian Arab Bedouins who were loyal to the British police force in Mandatory Palestine. Since Anne Frank was neither a Bedouin nor a member of Glubb’s Desert Patrol, putting the keffiyeh on her -- a murdered child -- is nothing but imposing an identity on her that isn’t hers.  

Maybe this sounds dramatic, or like it shouldn’t be a big deal. But this is also part of a larger pattern of Palestinians appropriating Jewish historical figures and claiming them as their own (the Jesus comes to mind).

And this is not a matter of doing this just to historical figures, but to living, breathing Jews. For example, several of the released Hamas hostages testified that Hamas threatened to forcibly convert them to Islam, much like their ancestors once did to ours when they conquered the Holy Land from the Byzantines in the 7th century.

IF YOU ACTUALLY CARED ABOUT ANNE FRANK, YOU WOULD CARE ABOUT THIS

On November 7, 2024, a premeditated pogrom took place in the streets of Amsterdam -- Anne Frank’s Amsterdam.

Thousands of pro-Palestinians supporters ambushed Israeli Maccabi Tel Aviv fans as they were leaving a Maccabi Tel Aviv-AFC Ajax soccer match. Much like on October 7, the perpetrators live-streamed themselves stabbing Israelis and Jews, running over Israelis and Jews, throwing firecrackers at Israelis and Jews, and beating Israelis and Jews to a pulp, as the Amsterdam police looked the other way. They stole their phones and passports, and for some time, some of the victims were missing. Jews tried to hide in a canal, in boats, in a KFC, and more, just like the Franks hid in an attic. The perpetrators forced the victims to shout “free Palestine!” They attacked not just men, but women and children. Not all of the victims were Maccabi Tel Aviv fans, or Israelis, but all of the victims were Jews -- or perceived to be Jews.  

Of course, it wasn’t long until antisemites -- and the mainstream media -- spun the event, which, again, had not only been premeditated, but the perpetrators had dubbed “a Jew hunt” (in fact, it was so premeditated Israel had forewarned the Dutch police). They said it was simply soccer hooligans brawling, or that it happened because the day before, a few Israelis had torn down a Palestinian flag, or because some of the Maccabi fans had chanted racist chants. In this regard, they’re in terrible company: every pogrom in history has had its “justification;” sometimes the justification is based on a true event; other times, it’s pure fiction (e.g. blood libel). Kristallnacht, the pogrom that marks the beginning of the Holocaust, was excused because a Jew killed a German diplomat in Paris.

Are some Maccabi fans racist? It seems so. That’s no justification for an attempted lynching. Imagine if Jews tried to lynch pro-Palestinian protestors every time they chant antisemitic chants (“globalize the intifada,” “Khaybar, Khaybar ya Yahud,” for example), or every time an Israeli flag or hostage poster is torn down. None of us would have jobs, because this happens daily, multiple times a day, everywhere in the world.

For over a year, Dutch Jewish community leaders have warned of a hostile, dangerous environment for Jews in the Netherlands, and in Amsterdam more specifically. The Central Jewish Consultation, the official Jewish umbrella organization in the Netherlands, defined the November 7 mob attacks as a “pogrom” and tied it to the growing antisemitic climate in the country, which existed long before any Maccabi Tel Aviv fans showed up in Amsterdam.

As usual, however, antisemites are tokenizing the words of fringe Jews whose views are not representative of the community. 

The Chief Rabbi of the Netherlands also issued a damning statement, noting the hostile, antisemitic climate in the country.

The above is true. But this is not a one-off event. The Netherlands has been failing the Jewish community for a long, long time. These situations don’t escalate out of nowhere. Instead of offering us your apologies and condolences after the fact, take decisive action.

For a full bibliography of my sources, please head over to my Instagram and  Patreon. 

rootsmetals

another post I started working on before November 7 that suddenly became very relevant…

[no-distance-left-to-run]

catch me at the old dears tour

[harpuiaa]

death to america and to the west bloc if im being honest

[cocklessboy]

The biggest male privilege I have so far encountered is going to the doctor.

I lived as a woman for 35 years. I have a lifetime of chronic health issues including chronic pain, chronic fatigue, respiratory issues, and neurodivergence (autistic + ADHD). There's so much wrong with my body and brain that I have never dared to make a single list of it to show a doctor because I was so sure I would be sent directly to a psychologist specializing in hypochondria (sorry, "anxiety") without getting a single test done.

And I was right. Anytime I ever tried to bring up even one of my health issues, every doctor's initial reaction was, at best, to look at me with doubt. A raised eyebrow. A seemingly casual, offhand question about whether I'd ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. Even female doctors!

We're not talking about super rare symptoms here either. Joint pain. Chronic joint pain since I was about 19 years old. Back pain. Trouble breathing. Allergy-like reactions to things that aren't typically allergens. Headaches. Brain fog. Severe insomnia. Sensitivity to cold and heat.

There's a lot more going on than that, but those were the things I thought I might be able to at least get some acknowledgement of. Some tests, at least. But 90% of the time I was told to go home, rest, take a few days off work, take some benzos (which they'd throw at me without hesitation), just chill out a bit, you'll be fine. Anxiety can cause all kinds of odd symptoms.

Anyone female-presenting reading this is surely nodding along. Yup, that's just how doctors are.

Except...

I started transitioning about 2.5 years ago. At this point I have a beard, male pattern baldness, a deep voice, and a flat chest. All of my doctors know that I'm trans because I still haven't managed to get all the paperwork legally changed, but when they look at me, even if they knew me as female at first, they see a man.

I knew men didn't face the same hurdles when it came to health care, but I had no idea it was this different.

The last time I saw my GP (a man, fairly young, 30s or so), I mentioned chronic pain, and he was concerned to see that it wasn't represented in my file. Previous doctors hadn't even bothered to write it down. He pushed his next appointment back to spend nearly an hour with me going through my entire body while I described every type of chronic pain I had, how long I'd had it, what causes I was aware of. He asked me if I had any theories as to why I had so much pain and looked at me with concerned expectation, hoping I might have a starting point for him. He immediately drew up referrals for pain specialists (a profession I didn't even know existed till that moment) and physical therapy. He said depending on how it goes, he may need to help me get on some degree of disability assistance from the government, since I obviously shouldn't be trying to work full-time under these circumstances.

Never a glimmer of doubt in his eye. Never did he so much as mention the word "anxiety".

There's also my psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with ADHD last year (meeting me as a man from the start, though he knew I was trans). He never doubted my symptoms or medical history. He also took my pain and sleep issues seriously from the start and has been trying to help me find medications to help both those things while I go through the long process of seeing other specialists. I've had bad reactions to almost everything I've tried, because that's what always happens. Sometimes it seems like I'm allergic to the whole world.

And then, just a few days ago, the most shocking thing happened. I'd been wondering for a while if I might have a mast cell condition like MCAS, having read a lot of informative posts by @thebibliosphere which sounded a little too relatable. Another friend suggested it might explain some of my problems, so I decided to mention it to the psychiatrist, fully prepared to laugh it off. Yeah, a friend thinks I might have it, I'm not convinced though.

His response? That's an interesting theory. It would be difficult to test for especially in this country, but that's no reason not to try treatments and see if they are helpful. He adjusted his medication recommendations immediately based on this suggestion. He's researching an elimination diet to diagnose my food sensitivities.

I casually mentioned MCAS, something routinely dismissed by doctors with female patients, and he instantly took the possibility seriously.

That's it. I've reached peak male privilege. There is nothing else that could happen that could be more insane than that.

I literally keep having to hold myself back from apologizing or hedging or trying to frame my theories as someone else's idea lest I be dismissed as a hypochondriac. I told the doctor I'd like to make a big list of every health issue I have, diagnosed and undiagnosed, every theory I've been given or come up with myself, and every medication I've tried and my reactions to it - something I've never done because I knew for a fact no doctor would take me seriously if they saw such a list all at once. He said it was a good idea and could be very helpful.

Female-presenting people are of course not going to be surprised by any of this, but in my experience, male-presenting people often are. When you've never had a doctor scoff at you, laugh at you, literally say "I won't consider that possibility until you've been cleared by a psychologist" for the most mundane of health problems, it might be hard to imagine just how demoralizing it is. How scary it becomes going to the doctor. How you can internalize the idea that you're just imagining things, making a big deal out of nothing.

Now that I'm visibly a man, all of my doctors are suddenly very concerned about the fact that I've been simply living like this for nearly four decades with no help. And I know how many women will have to go their whole lives never getting that help simply because of sexism in the medical field.

If you know a doctor, show them this story. Even if they are female. Even if they consider themselves leftists and feminists and allies. Ask them to really, truly, deep down, consider whether they really treat their male and female patients the same. Suggest that the next time they hear a valid complaint from a male patient, imagine they were a woman and consider whether you'd take it seriously. The next time they hear a frivolous-sounding complaint from a female patient, imagine they were a man and consider whether it would sound more credible.

It's hard to unlearn these biases. But it simply has to be done. I've lived both sides of this issue. And every doctor insists they treat their male and female patients the same. But some of the doctors astonished that I didn't get better care in the past are the same doctors who dismissed me before.

I'm glad I'm getting the care I need, even if it is several decades late. And I'm angry that it took so long. And I'm furious that most female-presenting people will never have this chance.

[ln4swiftie]

Slim Pickin’s

☕️ ln4 x bestfriend!reader

☕️ where your childhood wish becomes a reality

☕️ warnings - none !! just some fluff and kisses

☕️ word count 1.5k

☕️ a/n : so i heard sabrina carpenters song that’s gonna be on short n’ sweet and then this was born two days later !! enjoy <33

“Maybe I'm gay.”

your best friend, lando, looks at you, confused. “what?” he asks through a chuckle.

you were fed up. The number of douchebag men that you have in your phone and not one of them has ever made it to a second date. That fact makes you want to rip your eyeballs out.

“maybe god just forgot my gay awakening and that’s why i can’t find a boyfriend! maybe i just don’t like men.” you throw your head back on the couch in lando’s living room in monaco.

“i doubt that he just forgot,” lando giggles

you knew this wasn't true. you knew you liked men and only men. because you definitely liked the man sitting at your feet, and you have since you were both 15. you’ve just never ever told him.

And you planned to keep it that way.

you groaned. “No, Lando, you don’t get it! it’s slim pickings around here. half the men in my phone don’t even know the difference between there, their and they’re!” quiet giggles from the man sitting across the couch from you filled the room.

Lando knew you were only joking, yet he can’t help but feel bad at your lack of dating life when he has models flocking toward him at all hours of the day. granted, the girl he wants isn’t even a model. In fact, she’s sitting right in front of him, sprawled out on his couch, complaining about boys. but she didn’t know that.

And he planned on keeping it that way.

—

Throughout your week-long stay in Monaco, you decided to set yourself on a mission to meet a guy and go on a date. On the fourth day, you were successful!

During a coffee run while lando streamed, you met a guy who asked you out to dinner the following night. You were so excited since given your history, the chance of a guy asking you out was close to zero. When he asked you even scanned your surroundings to make sure he was talking to you specifically.

you were getting ready in the guest room of lando’s apartment, since you were staying there during your visit.

while applying your lip liner and gloss, you heard a knock on the door. “Hey, what are you thinking we do for din- woah.”

the curly haired brunette stared at you in awe. you were always beautiful in his eyes, yet right now he was looking at you like you were the only girl in the world. it then clicks in lando’s head that you’re not dressed for him. “Why are you all dressed up?!” he teases, a mischievous smirk on his face.

“oh i have a date!” you hum with a smile.

he looks at you confused, like he doesn’t believe you fully. leaning against the doorway “what happened to slim pickings?” he pokes, crossing his arms atop his chest.

“can’t a girl meet a guy and go on a date? gosh.” you scoff, slightly annoyed that he’s teasing you over this. you’d hoped he would be happy you’re crawling your way out of this slump of being single. it was one of the things you loved about him — how he always treated you with nothing but kindness and support.

“Fine, fine, whatever. have fun, i guess” he turns around and ducks into his office, closing the door harsher than you expected. Just as you make a mental reminder to have a talk with him about it, your phone chimes — your date is waiting in the lobby.

lando watches you from the cracked doorway of his office, as you do a final check of your makeup in the mirror of the mud room. he thought you looked beautiful and was silently raging at the fact he isn’t the man you’ve dressed up for tonight. he’s liked you since you both were young kids running through the suburban bristol streets while your parents sat on the patio of his childhood home socializing over cocktails.

You were always there to support him through his racing career and you were the first person he called after McLaren chose to extend his contract. While he doubted himself and everyone told him to leave, you told him to follow his heart and do what felt right to him. Now, he’s a race winner with the team he calls home. To him, it’s always been you. You have always been the girl he pictured his life with.

But his gut always told him you’d never return these feelings back to him.

—

your date went horrible. All the guy did was talk about himself. and once he found out you were friends with some celebrities, the date had ended there for you. although you got some free drinks and a meal out of it. it only made you fall further into this loneliness.

the elevator dings, signaling you’ve arrived at the floor of lando’s apartment. you stumble to lando’s door. the alcohol takes effect and makes you trip into the door, startling Lando who’s standing just on the other side, waiting for you. He throws the door open, finding you standing there with slightly messed up hair and a frown on your face.

“c’mere,” he says quietly, taking you to the couch. sat on the coffee table in front of you, he gently took your foot into his lap. you feel his soft touch as he gently removes your heels from your feet. sending shivers down your spine.

“It was horrible. all he did was talk about himself,” you say frustrated. “I also accidentally let it slip that I knew you, oh, and don’t even get me started on his horrible taste in just about everything.”

He helps you up, taking you to the bathroom and sitting you down on the counter. He rummages through your toiletries bag, before taking out your makeup remover. As he starts removing your makeup, you study every inch of his face, counting every freckle and watching the way his jaw muscles clench as he focuses.

god he was beautiful.

you feel a lump in your throat as tears begin to fill your eyes.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Lando asks, halting his movements.

“it’s just- i'm pretty sure every good man in this world is either taken or dead and its not fair.” you say letting a stray tear fall. in your head you knew you were being dramatic, but the three glasses of wine you had to get through that date have taken full control of your emotions.

Lando chuckles lightly, folding with the used makeup wipe in his hands, he looks to you “well, i’m neither of those things.” he says softly, almost as if he’s upset.

fuck. shit.

“no, no, wait, lando- i didn’t mean it like that, you're a great guy. an amazing guy actually.” you say quickly. he smiles at you as you continue to ramble “i mean, shit, i’d date you in a heartbeat-“

“what?”

you slap your hand over your mouth. holy fuck, did you really just say that? and Lando not saying anything just solidifies that he doesn’t return your feelings. Lando is staring at you like you’ve got three heads coming out of both of your ears.

you start to panic “i’m sorry, i don’t know why i said that, forget i said any-“ you’re cut off with the feeling of lando’s lips crashing into yours. his hands gently cup your face as he kisses you. you instantly return the kiss. The world slowly falls away leaving just the two of you. your hands moving to find home in his curl, slightly pulling on them. Lando releases a quiet groan. His hands work their way down your body to rest on your hips, gently pulling you closer to him.

Lando pulls away and rests his forehead against yours. “I have literally loved you since we were 16.”

you smile at him, “i love you, too.”

The two of you find yourself in Lando's bed watching your favorite movie, wrapped up in eachother. Lando turns his head to look down at you resting on his chest. Admiring your sleepy state as you attempt to stay focused on the movie he gave up on watching. How can he focus on anything else when you were sitting next to him?

the girl he's wanted since the two of you sat on his porch on a late summer night, eating the ice cream his mother tried to hide. giggles filling the air while you pointed out constellations to lando, chatting about where you wanted to be in 5 years.

“Well I hope to be in formula 1” Lando admitted. “You'll be there, I'm sure of it.” you added giving lando a smile he swore was brighter than the stars sat above.

He gasps slightly “don't move”

you freeze as he reaches a hand to your cheek, softly swiping a fallen eyelash holding it in front you.

“Make a wish” he breathed.

You shut your eyes tight, emphasizing the wish you were making before taking a big breath and sending the eyelash into the air. Followed by the sound of giggles coming from the brunette, he asks what you wished for. “If i tell you it won't come true!” you gasp faking offense.

who knew that after 8 years, your wish would finally came true.

🤍☕️.

AYAYAYAYAY ALL DONE !!

big thank u too my lovely friend who edited this and helped me <33

[qqueenofhades]

I don’t have any words right now for what’s happened. Where in the fuck do we go from here?

I don't know. I really, truly don't know. We can't sugarcoat how bad things are going to get, and we can't pre-emptively give into it anyway. This is going to be an unprecedented time in American history (if, sadly, not world history) and the forces conspiring to make you obey will gain much of their power from you doing so in advance, without a struggle. It seems fair to say that America as it has always been historically constituted is over, and may not return in our lifetimes, but we also do not know that for a fact. If nothing else, the fascists will find it very hard to cancel competitive elections, and we cannot sit back, throw up our hands, conclude that voting is clearly meaningless, and let them do that. There are a lot of other things that we need to do, but that's one.

There are various postmortems to be written and nits to pick, but Harris was thrown into an impossible situation and did the best she could in 100 days. Even her critics agree she ran a pretty much flawless campaign. But this country simply decided that a well-qualified black woman could not be preferred over the most manifestly and flagrantly unfit degenerate to ever occupy the office. They decided this for many reasons, not least because large swathes of the country now live in curated misinformation bubbles that, under Government Czar Musk, will only get much, much worse. They were helped by the cowardice and complicity of the "mainstream media" that could have ended Trump's career exactly like they did to Biden after the first debate, but chose to preserve the profits of their billionaire oligarch owners and did not do so, giving Trump the benefit of the doubt and normalization at every turn. They also hounded Biden relentlessly over the four years of his presidency, never reported on the good things he did, and drove him to the historically bad approval ratings lows for a president who was by any metric, quite successful (and will quite possibly be our last ordinary American president for a very long time). Along with the searingly ingrained racism and misogyny and misinformation, Harris could not overcome that.

Democrats clearly had a messaging problem, but it's also true that the country, quite simply, does not care about "democracy" when the economy is perceived to be at stake. Not to over-egg the Hitler parallels, but yeah. This is how Hitler returned to power in 1933 -- on the backs of widespread economic collapse of the Weimar Republic; voters decided they just didn't care about the overtly fascist stuff, which he then proceeded to you know, do with genocidal vigor. Except the American economy in this case was actually doing well, which makes it even more baffling and indefensible. Enough people simply memory-holed Trump's crimes (aided at every turn by SCOTUS, Mitch McConnell not convicting him after January 6, Merrick Garland being far too slow and timid, the corporate media), liked the racist fascist behavior or felt that it wasn't a dealbreaker, and decided that in this election, he was the "change" candidate. It's insane by any metric, but that's what happened.

The country is deeply sick. We do not know what will happen. It's going to get bad. Barring a miracle, we will not have federalized abortion rights again in my lifetime, and there will be widespread attacks on public health, women's rights, immigrants, transgender people, and other vulnerable people. Even and especially the ones who voted for Trump. Never Thought Leopard Would Eat My Face, etc. Alito and Thomas will swiftly step down and allow their seats to be replaced by 40-year old wingnuts hand-selected from the worst the Federalist Society has to offer. SCOTUS is gone for the next generation at least. There is very little prospect of it being ever fixed in the foreseeable future.

Trump will never face a scintilla of consequences for his previous crimes; all the open federal cases will be closed as soon as he takes office and fires Jack Smith. The best we can hope for is that he dies in office, but then we get Vance and the cadre of alt-right techno billionaires ruled directly from the Kremlin. Putin is celebrating this morning and with good reason; he's gotten everything he wants. Trump will egg on Netanyahu in Gaza and abandon Ukraine. Democracy across the world will remain even more fragile and badly under threat. Authoritarians will be empowered and American withdrawal from international systems will percolate in very dangerous ways that cannot and will not be fixed in the short run. I really hope all the leftists who celebrate this as the "defeat of the genocide candidate" will enjoy all the genocide and suffering that's about to come. And yes, I do think the Israel-Palestine war fucked us in a large way. Jewish voters perceived the Democrats as insufficiently pro-Israel due to the presence of far-left antisemitism, even as the far left attacked the Democrats relentlessly and never targeted the Republicans. Arab voters abandoned them, possibly deservedly. What would have happened without the war? We don't know. You get the historical period that you get. Netanyahu and Trump can now do anything they want. Hope it was worth it.

As I said, I can't sugarcoat it. We are going to be paying for this in some form for the next decade, and probably longer. I'm not as absolutely shattered as I was in 2016, but I am much, much angrier. We all thought, we all hoped, America was better than this. It isn't. That, however, is something that has also happened before. What we decide to do next will shape how the next chapter unfolds.

This would be a great time to stock up on needed medicines, renew your passport online, and anything else you need to do in preparation for next year. Many of us simply do not have the wherewithal, whether financial or otherwise, to leave the country. I don't know what will happen with me. I don't know what will happen to any of us. This was utterly avoidable and yet, America didn't want to avoid it. At some point, there's nothing else you can do. You can point to media cronyism, Russian influence, etc etc., but the fact that two of the most qualified presidential candidates who happened to be women have now lost to Trump twice makes it unavoidable. The virulent rightward shift of young men (of all races) in particular paints a grim picture as to how the reactionary misogyny of the 21st century is going to essentially undo most of the progress for social and gender equality in the 20th. The patriarchy has been a problem for most of human history. Doesn't really seem like it's going to change.

The end result of this, however grim: we're still here. We are still living within our communities. If (and this is a big if) Democrats can retake the House, they can put some checks on the process for the next two years. At this point, we are in full-out buying-time, trying-to-prevent-the worst mode. We could have continued fixing things, but we won't be doing that. We will only be trying to preserve ourselves and our friends and our smaller spheres of influence. It sounds very trite to say that we have to have courage, but we do. There's not much else.

It's going to be an awful winter. We have two and a half months to see this coming and know how bad it's going to be, and... yeah. I don't know how soon the buyer's remorse will inevitably set in, but it will. Tough luck, people. You voted for him. You get the country that you decide to have. But the rest of us are also here, and what Gandalf says is still true. We wish the Ring had never come to us, we wish none of this had happened, but we still have to decide what to do with the time that is given to us.

I don't have a lot more. I'll probably be logging off for a while. I don't need to look at the internet for.... yeah, a long time. (Will I do it anyway? Probably.) I don't know what else to leave you with, aside from again:

Do not obey in advance. Do not act as if everything is foreordained and set in stone. Fascist regimes end. They always do. We are going to have to figure out how, and it will suck shit, but the alternative is worse.

Take care of yourselves. I love you.

[andhumanslovedstories]

I am not closely following the election results tonight, but I am occasionally seeing flashes of them out of the corner of my eye. The most obvious sign that things aren’t going well right now is the complete lack of celebrating on my dash. I know what tumblr looks like when it’s happy. Maybe I’ll go to bed tonight and see something different in the morning. I hope to god that is the case. But I’m thinking about the way I’m thinking right now, and I want to get some stuff down before the future kicks in.

In 2016 I was in a period of my life I affectionately refer to as as my fuckup era. I wasn’t even fucking up really. More just chilling out and falling short of the vague expectations I’d had about what I was supposed to be doing after I graduated college. While my friends from college rented apartments in the city and got jobs that didn’t supply you with a uniform shirt, I lived at home and worked as a barista at a fancy movie theater. That’s a real job you can do for almost five years. I didn’t have a clue what the back half of my twenties should look like. The only long term plan I had in my life was moving out west with my best friend, and my plan for finding a job once I was out there was basically to cross my fingers and hope.

Those days weren’t bad on the whole, but it felt like I was not actually living a life so much as I was goofing off in the waiting room. Sometimes that felt embarrassing, sometimes it felt fun, and sometimes it felt like I was completely pointless to the world.

On 2016’s Election Day, I went to bed early. After watching the votes come in, I needed the night to be over. I woke in a world that felt different than it had been the night before—not just in the actuality of who would be president but down to its foundations. I realized for the first time how much hope I’d had in human nature because now I didn’t feel it anymore. It’s almost silly when I think about it—so many horrible things had already happened that year, people had done horrible things as long as there have been people, and I didn’t think I was naive to that—but something clicked into place that morning.

It felt the same way my world had changed a year earlier, in 2015 during my last semester of college. My college victory lap felt like a prolonged downward spiral. Very early in the morning on a Monday, after pulling an all-nighter and overwhelmed by self-loathing that I could not just motivate myself to work on a paper that had been my only thought all weekend, I self-harmed for the first time in a way that was impossible to pretend it was anything else. Earlier that weekend, I’d tried staving off the urges drawing or writing on my arm, something that did (and does) usually work. I’d written this quote in silver sharpie on my forearm: “Good is not a thing you are. It's a thing you do.”

I picked that quote from the Ms. Marvel comics and liked the words so much, I thought that I wouldn’t be willing to purposefully mess it up by hurting myself there. Didn’t work. They just made me feel more ashamed of myself as I did it.

That was the worst I had ever felt. Then, on the Friday of that week, a friend of mine was senselessly, brutally murdered.

It doesn’t feel now like there was ever a time before her death. My memoir class is now where I wrote about her. My favorite professor is now the one who held me as I cried. My final thesis, the culmination of my history degree, never got finished and certainly never got polished. I turned it what I had and got an A minus. Sometimes I think of rereading that paper to see if that’s the grade it actually deserved. We hadn’t been the closest friends, but my name was still on the email admin sent to professors, listing students who might be emotionally affected by this tragic event. Grace’s murder hangs over every memory I have with her and everything she ever touched. It feels like its own type of obliteration to leave her reduced to her death.

Grace wanted to be a lawyer because she believed in justice and also liked arguing. She could be rude when she wasn’t interested in what you were saying. When you caught her attention, you felt like the most fascinating person in the room. She was so proud of being Jewish. I watched her become proud of being gay. She was so universally friendly that it took me a year to realize that she actually liked specifically me. She had a somewhat silly laugh and an astonishingly luminous smile.

I thought less of the world and the people in it because of how she died. Trump’s election in 2016 felt like that.

After he won, I left stasis. From November through December, I thought harder about my future than I ever had before. Who did I want to be? What did I most value? What did I think was worth protecting? What work wouldn’t kill me to do? At one point, in presumably a fit of madness, I thought, “what if I got into politics.” Epiphany eventually hit me. By the time of Trump’s inauguration, I was already enrolled at community college, getting my pre-reqs for nursing school.

Now it’s election night again, eight years later. I live on the west coast with my best friend, in a house that we bought together. I work as a nurse in a hospital in a city where there are homeless encampments off every highway and someone begging for change on every corner. Meanwhile, there’s Palestine. Meanwhile there’s Sudan. Meanwhile refugees drown in the sea and border patrol shoots jugs of water. Even hurricanes have human cruelty now.

I don’t think people are inherently good or the universe inherently kind. But I am very good at tricking myself into thinking it for a little while, and when I do, I can remember the a specific feeling from Friday of my senior year, from that morning in November— how fucking hard the disappointment hit me because I had expected people to be better than this. It makes me want to be better than that.

I believe, and hope that I always will, that we can make a better world. I don’t know what it looks like, but I think I will see it in my lifetime. Those of us who can believe such things owe a bit of that naïveté to the world—not to excuse atrocities or think them impossible but to believe that we can stop them at all. You have to have a couple people sprinkled around who are genuinely shocked when people do bad things. It’s not that the pessimists are wrong, but you need the occasional counterbalance. I want to be a reasonable cynic’s pleasant surprise.

Every shift, I interact with people at their lowest and worst. I see the direct pipeline from pain to anger to violence, and how fragile that pipeline can be. So many situations can be changed by things as small as a warm blanket or a kind word. Violence can be quite easy to avert. Crises can be quite simply to resolve. Even when I know that whatever I do that shift will not change the circumstances of a person’s life, I think that what I do that shift still matters.

I’m lying in bed, writing this post instead of looking at the news. I wonder how tonight will change me. Been thinking about what I’ll do if Trump wins. Been thinking about how whatever I think I need to do under Trump will still need to be done if Harris clutches out a victory. I guess this is a pessimist’s optimism: to a degree the election doesn’t matter. Good is not a thing you are. It is a thing you do. Our better world will always take a lot of work.

But please god please, why can’t it be just a little easier to do it?

[i-cant-sing]

Time Traveller AU pt 4

Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here. AU masterlist is here. Check out my MASTERLIST for more.

Part 5 is here.

Two weeks had passed since you and Baldwin had met Salauddin. As much as you tried to stay in your room to try and work on your time machine a bit, Sibylla was far too excited with the wedding preparations and was dragging you along. Even the maids were too eager to do everything, be it dressing you up or accompanying you around the castle. You suppose it was their way of trying to get in your good graces so that you'll choose them to be your court ladies. Its all politics really. The few moments that you did try to have for yourself, they'd be with Baldwin. You cant ever have meals without him, even if you were sneaky. You theorised that Baldwin probably had someone in the kitchen to inform him the moment you're having a meal made so that he can join you too (and proceed to handfeed you the first and last bite from his plate).

You decide its finally time to bring up the agenda you had in mind. "Baldwin?" You call softly, earning a surprised look from him because he's used to your admonishing tone. "Yes, princess?" he quickly closes his book, giving you his full attention.

"Do you think... it could be arranged for me to travel?" He raised a brow. "Travel? Where?"

You mustered up the courage. "Egypt."

"Egypt? Why?" Of course he was alarmed because at the time Egypt was under Muslim rule, and Salauddin was the sultan of Egypt. It was his territory and it was far too.

"Why not? I thought you said you would show me the world." You reminded him of his promise when he was trying to bribe you into marrying him.

He sighed and nodded. "That can be arranged. Come on, now." He took your hand and pulled you towards him as he moved towards the corner of his room, keeping you facing him. "I always keep my promises, princess." He whispered kissing your chin before turning you around to face the mirror.

"See? Now you've seen the world. In fact-" He spins you back to him before turning you towards the mirror again. "-ooh! Now you've seen the world twice!" He keeps on spinning you back and forth a couple of more times making you laugh before you get dizzy and lightly smack his arm.

"Be serious for once, Baldwin!" You glare at him. "Dont you get tired from your flirting attempts?"

His eyes twinkled as he cupped your face with his hands. "Never!"

With your face still in his hands, you repeated your request. "I want to go to Egypt, Baldwin." "But why? Do you want something from there? Because I can have it brought here-"

"No." You cant believe you have to manipulate him. Eh, he'll get over it. "I... I dont have a family, Baldwin. I was an orphan and well- things werent great at my orphanage, so I ran away. I wanted to find out about my family, about my parents. What happened to them. So I've been travelling here and there. I suppose thats how I developed an interest in history." You could seem his resolve melting with the way his eyes softened, so you continued on. "Please, let me go to Egypt. I think... I think I might find some clues about my family there. And if I dont..." you chuckled. "Well, I could always write something on Salauddin."

"Do you really want to go?" You nodded eagerly. He smiled. "Alright. I'll talk to Salauddin. If he gives permission, then you can go. I dont think I could accompany you there. Guy has been stirring up some problems here and I cant have him try to start a rebellion."

"Its okay, I can go alone." "Well, not alone. I'll send my best knights along." Shit. Oh well. Better them than Baldwin.

Breaking the pattern for once, you decided to initiate affection and gave him a hug. "Thank you, Baldwin!" You heard him inhale sharply, his body stilling for a moment before his arms slowly but surely wrapped around your frame, and you felt him melt into you a bit. This is psychology 101, okay? Pavlov's dog experiment, if you reward him for "good behaviour", he is more prone to be "good".

If only you knew this may have been the first time in more than a decade that he's been hugged. And now that he has... it only cements more in his mind that your hugs are his- you are his.

-

As expected, Salauddin agreed and allowed you to come to Egypt. However, Baldwin still delayed your trip by almost a week under the pretence to make "necessary arrangements for your trip".

It was just him trying to find excuses to make you stay longer, or even change your mind about leaving at all.

"You know it's going to be soooo hot in Egypt? What if you get a heat stroke?"

"I'm going with Salauddin. He's been living in the desert for so long, I'm sure he'll teach me how to protect myself from the sun."

"You- what if you get thirsty? You won't get cold water!"

You looked at him baffled. "Salauddin literally had a box of ice in the desert- he served us ice water. Did you forget? I'm beginning to think you might be suffering from a heat stroke."

He huffed. "Surely, you cant be safe in Egypt without me by your side. People will attack you for being my weakness!"

Your heart skipped a beat. I'm his weakness?

You shake your head. Not the time. "How would they even recognise me? I'd be in a niqaab! Besides, I thought you were sending your "best knights" with me." You said turning around to fold your clothes.

Baldwin's hand reached for your wrist and he pulled you back to him, your body stiffening against his hard chest. Damn, how long did he work out for? Just a few weeks ago, he couldnt even stand for long without passing out.

He rested his chin on your shoulder. "I'll miss you." He mumbled, and the corner of your mouth quirked up. "I know." You replied as you tried to break out of his arms and return to your packing. But Baldwin spun you around, his brows furrowed. "You wont miss me?" His eyes held deep concern, while his voice reminded you of a scared child.

He's adorable.

His grip on your arms tightened the longer you stayed silent. Fearing he'd change his mind about the trip, you cupped his face and brought it closer to yours, staring into his eyes.

"No." Hurt flashed through across those blue pools, but you continued. "Because the mere thought that you would be waiting here for me will make me want to return home early." His face softened.

"Home? You consider this your home?" He whispered, clearly affected by your words.

Oh, he's about to die when he hears what you've got next.

Your eyes smiled. "You're my home, Baldwin." You knew if this was an anime, then right now Baldwin would be animated with a pink background with halo behind him, and probably cupids shooting arrows and crying.

His reaction proved you right. Baldwin pulled you in for a tight hug, hiding his head into your shoulder and before you either of you could react, you both fell on your bed, though Baldwin didnt let go of you.

When he finally pulled away, he caressed your cheek with one hand. "What?" you asked with a lazy smile. He didnt say anything, just kept tracing your face with his fingers, looking at you as if he was in a trance. Considering you were leaving tomorrow, you didnt move from the bed. You didnt want to break whatever fantasy Baldwin was in (truthfully, you didnt have the heart for it. He looked like something was healing inside him.) So you stayed there next to him, letting Baldwin run his fingers though your hair and falling asleep to that.

"How did I get so lucky?" He whispered to himself, still looking at you in awe.

Baldwin didnt sleep that night. No, he wanted to memorise your face.

-

The next morning, you were sent off with a small entourage, even though Baldwin wanted to send you with a bigger one, but you reasoned with him that a large group of people would only draw more attention to you.

"Be safe, princess." Baldwin said, pressing his lips to your forehead. You smiled and nodded. "I'll be back before you know it." He gave you a lopsided smile before pulling out a pouch and placing it in your hands. It was heavy. "I have given the knight commander gold to cater to your every need, buy anything you like but- I still want you to have this. Just in case." You peeked into the pouch and your eyes bulged out at the gold coins in there. "Its too much, Baldwin. I cant take-" He cupped your cheek. "I insist. If- God forbid, things go wrong, I want you to use this to get out." You leaned into his touch. "Nothing will happen to me, Baldwin." He prays so (he and his church is praying for your safe journey). "I know, but please- keep it. For my peace of mind." You finally conceded, giving him a hug before starting your journey.

From Jerusalem, you first reached Salauddin's caravan in the desert, where the Kurdish leader was waiting for you.

"So, have you come up with a plan to leave Baldwin?" He asked, guiding you inside his tent, taking note of the niqaab you were wearing. It was the one Baldwin had helped embroirdered for you- he recognised the ugly flower on your sleeve.

"Its not a priority at the moment." You lied, deciding it wouldnt be good to reveal all your cards to him. After all, he is a conquerer. You dont know what kind of games he may be playing.

He raised a brow at you, setting up the chess board. "Then why are you going to Egypt?" He wanted to gauge your expressions, but your eyes were solely focused on the chess board as you made the first move.

"I have some matters to take care of. Personal matters." You watched him move his black pawn.

"Anything I could help with?" He asked. You took his bishop. "No, you have already helped a lot. Thank you. But I must ask- how did you just agree to Baldwin when he asked if I could go to Egypt?"

He scoffed, taking your knight. "You think I did this for free? Please, your husband had to pay a pretty penny to take his "little heaven's angel" through the desert safely. Honestly, how have you bewitched him?" Salauddin gazed at you. "Either he's too stupid or you're much smarter than you look, the latter is something I highly doubt, so it only leads to one conclusion- Baldwin is stupid." He mocked.

"Hey! Dont insult my fiance." You admonished, looking back at the board to make your next move. He leaned forward with his elbows on the table, looking at you expectantly. "Or else what?"

Your eyes finally made contact with his, and he could feel he had insulted you somehow. "Or else... you'll regret it." You threatened, which he didnt take seriously, because- why would he? You're nobody.

His eyes lit up. "If you were any less threatening, Y/n, you'd be a dandelion." You rolled your eyes, clearly not amused. "Say whatever you want, but you and I both know you didnt do it for the money."

"What do you mean?"

"Mmhm, I dont know. Dont you have enough money already? I think- oh, you made a mistake there." you smirked taking his queen and now his king was left wide open for attack. "I think... you were scared to say no."

"Excuse me?" He moved his king. You chased him with your knight.

"You heard me." Your rook pushed his king into the corner. Frustratedly, he tries to escape by moving his king diagonally, but you were quicker with your bishop.

"Why would I be afraid of a man whose own brother-in-law is starting a rebellion against him and he's been allowing him to do so just because his sister claims to love him?" He taunted at the messed up family dynamics. Of course he knew how ready Baldwin was to give his kingdom away to Guy to be perished, but that was before he was cured of his leprosy.

You had boxed his king from all sides. No escape. "Why wouldnt you be? The same man was only just a 16 year old when he defeated you on the battlefield devastatingly. And that too, when he was so sick, his face was melting off." You knocked down his king. "Can you imagine how strong he is now that he's cured?"

His anger was subtle. Eyes glaring at you, mouth pulled into a thin line, his nostrils flared ever so slightly.

Clearly, you had struck a nerve.

"You shouldn't play with fire." He warned. You twirled his king between your fingers. "Who said I was playing?"

You both sat in silence for a few more moments, with you mostly relishing in your victory. "So, what do I get for winning again?"

His eyes narrowed, though they werent as hostile as they were a few moments ago, "You get to keep your head."

"Am I always playing for my life everytime we play chess?" "Yes." "Huh. So how does it feel to know that I will outlive you?" You teased, making him roll his eyes as he stood up, leading you out of his tent.

"My men are going to accompany you to Egypt. They're ready, so-" he looked at you with a scowl. "Leave."

"Aww, thank you, aljedu!" You waved, leaving before he could get mad at you for calling him "grandpa".

-

The journey to Egypt took a little over 4 days, but you really cant complain with the small army of people at your service. Even the men and women Salauddin had sent with you made sure to cater your every need, and more importantly, help you and your entourage survive the desert.

The pyramids were still as magnificent as in the future, though the area was now surrouded by a bustling market of sorts. As your caravan moved further into the town, you saw a large centre built that had the traditional Islamic architecure elements- huge domes, minarets, white pillars. The colourful tile works (prominents turqoise and dark blue themes) and a few gothic arches displayed the catholic influence as well.

"What's that?" You had asked one of the knights. "Thats the madarasas." You nodded as you recalled reading about it in "the golden age of Islam" era. Madarasa was essentially an educational institution that were devoted to the study of law, maths, science, medicine, religion, philosphy and other subjects. The complex itself consisted of a mosque, a library, a boarding house. They were home to both students and professors, and were maintained by charitable endowments and unlike a modern day college, it lacked a specific curriculum or institutionalise system of certification. Information was usually passed on informally from teacher to student, and both men and women were able to attend.

It was heaven for anyone who seeked to learn, and this was exactly where you would be going to get help for your time machine.

But that would have to wait, as you were now lead to Salauddin's palace for rest. It was massive and just like the madarasa, it was also beautifully constructed. The palace spread over on a large area of land, and although it was was around 80-100 feet in height with those humongous pillars at each corner, the palace was largest in horizontal dimensions. Inside, after passing a throng of soldiers stationed who kept their gaze lowered even though she and most of the females were completely veiled, you saw a huge pool that continued throughout the palace, even through sharp corners. It almost looked like the castle was built around the turquoise pool. Despite it being hot as hell outside, the palace was cool and insulated even though there were no air conditioners or fans and was open enough to be well ventilated. You had seen the palm date trees through the city, but there was a huge new variety of exotic plants inside that you dont think would be able to survive in the desert.

Egyptians were truly ahead of their time.

-

After dinner, you were sitting in your room with your maids. They were talking about the hospitality of Muslims and all, helping you unpack and get ready for bed.

"Alright, time to sleep." You said with a yawn and they all immediately began leaving. All but one maid, who had to stay by your side at all times even when you were bathing. Apparently, Baldwin had ordered her to do so because he didnt trust anyone in the foreign lands.

"You can go to your chambers with the others, Isabella." You smiled politely at the blonde girl, no older than 19. She shook her head, her brows furrowing in concern. "No, princess. It is my duty to be with you at all times. What if you need me for something?"

"I wont." You smiled tightly. The sooner she left, the sooner you could sneak out of here and go to the madarasa. "You must be tired from all the travel. Please, go rest. I insist." But it was like she couldnt imagine committing a grave sin like this.

Fine. If she's not going to leave then-

"Isabella..." you come close to her, fiddling with your thumbs. "Can I trust you, Isabella?"

She nodded obediently. "Of course, my princess."

"I need to get out of the palace for some time." You tell her slowly, letting her absorb the words. Automatically, she responds. "I can have them arrange a tour tomorrow-"

"No, Isabella-" you let out a distressed sigh, rubbing your forehead as you paused for a dramatic effect. "I need to go out right now."

"Now? At night time?" The young girl wondered what possible emergency you could possibly have. "Oh, um- well, I can have the guards prepare a-"

"No!" You turned around, reaching for her hands. Isabella's eyes widened. A princess- royalty is touching her? You tilted your head sligtly, eyes making a desperate plea.

"I have business that I need to take care of on my own. I-" you sigh dramatically before looking at her with most remorseful eyes. "I have to find my family. I need to- I cant get married without them attending. I- I- just need them and I know! I know they're here! I can feel it!" Isabella's face softened at your "distress" but you can still see her hesitance, and so before she could protest, you squeezed her hands. "I tell everyone I am an orphan but- the the truth is... I was a slave. I was stolen from my family and- and I was raised with other slaves. It wasnt until I was 8 that I had ran away. I've been running from my owners for a long time, all while trying to find my family. I dont care if they're dead but- I need to know. I need to know, Isabella. You... you understand why, right?"

Tears slipped from Isabella's eyes as she nodded her head feverently.

"Of course I do, princess!"

-

You pulled your shawl around you tighter. Temperatures really did drop significantly at night in deserts. You were now standing outside the madarasa you had seen earlier in the day after convincing Isabella to stay behind and pretend to be you under the covers in bed while you went out.

The building was much more quiet now, although the market was still alive but people were less and everyone was mindful of how much noise they made.

You quietly walked into the madarasa, pretending to be one of the several servants who were entering the place. Inside, the area was designed in the shape of a rectangle without a roof in the center. The moon light illuminated the common ground in the middle while lanterns were lit all around the 4 sides, numerous doors on each side.

Keeping your veiled head down, you walked past many scholars and students. You wanted to enter a room, but with all the doors closed, you feared you'd enter the wrong room with someone who wouldnt be as forgiving to a stranger entering this place.

But luck was on your side tonight, as your eyes finally caught sight of an ajar door, and you slipped in once you noticed no one was currently in the room. The room was far more spacious than you had anticipated and even though the equipment was far too old, you recognised it to be a sort of lab. Nearing the desk in the corner, you noticed some papers spread around with some maths done. Even though the numbers were in Arabic, you recognised it- algebra.

"What are you doing here, woman?" You look upto find a man in his late 30s with a white turban and a black beard looking at you angrily. "Who sent you here? By Allah! Leave right now or I will have you punished for trespassing and attempting to seduce a pious man you devil-"

"I'll leave but I cant go without correcting your error." You said pointing to his papers.

He blinked at you. "What error?"

You laughed tauntingly. "Im surprised you dont see it." The man's brows furrowed as he marched over to you. "There is no error! I am the finest mathematician of this decade, if not century! I study astrology, biology, physics, alchemy, philosophy and you dare tell me that I made an error?! I am Al-Abbas ibn Bashir! Who are you to correct me woman?!"

You stared at him unamused. "The square root of 8 is not equal to the square root of 4 + square root of 4." You said pointing at his paper. He squinted at you, trying to process your words before looking where you were pointing.

"Yes, it is. It is additive-"

"Not everything is additive." You sighed, pulling out a blank sheet of paper and solving the question step by step for him. "See? Square root of 8 is 2.818 while square root of 4 is 2, so since we have two square roots if 4, it'll be 2 plus 2, which adds to 4."

You sat down on his chair while he looked over your explanation, trying to find an error in your work. There were none.

Abbas looked at you, brows still furrowed. "You- fine, you are correct. I made a small error-" "Small?" You teased. "Yes, small!" He snapped back as you chuckled. He continued. "But that doesnt explain what youre doing in my office. Who are you?"

You rested your head on your palm and stared at him. "I have work for you."

"And what might that be?"

"Hmm, depends. Are your studies purely theory based or... experimental as well?"

Abbas gave you a nod. "I like to mainly focus on theories, but I like to test my theories as well, so from time to time, I do have to conduct experiments as well."

"Fantastic!" You straightened up and grabbed a paper as you began drawing a tool. "Here, I have mentioned the dimensions and I need you to engineer this for me." He took the paper from you. "What exactly is it?"

"I cannot tell you." "Why?" "Well, I'm a scientist too, and I dont want you to stealing my work." You replied as you pulled out your coin purse that Baldwin had given you. "I suppose this would be sufficient for you?" You placed 5 gold coins in front of him.

Abbas scoffed. "You think you can buy me? I dont care for money!" He stood up, turning away from you.

You raised your brow. "Name your price."

He shook his head. "I cannot be bought, woman. I am a man of science. I have far more important things to be doing with my time-"

"Like making more mistakes?" He glared at you. "One small error. Thats all it was. Besides, just because I made a small miscalculation doesnt mean youre smarter than me."

You smiled under your veil.

"Wanna test that?"

-

Abbas had decided to work for you after you had outsmarted him in every subject he presented. I mean you only had to touch the basics of what you had learned in 6th grade science class but he was- bamboozled.

After he had recovered from his shock, he had agreed to work for you on the condition that you check his work for mistakes and impart some of you teachings. He swears he wont copy any of your "works". You gave him the gold coins and told him to work under complete discretion and that you'd meet him again in 3 days time, when you're ready to return to Jerusalem.

The plan was to collect your tool from him and then give him a couple more tools to design which you would collect 2 weeks later when you visited Egypt again. Because while you do need to work on your time machine, you also need to find ways for Baldwin to go to war with Salauddin again, because originally Baldwin dies of leprosy, but since you already cured that... you need to find a way for Baldwin to die and so far, a war seems to be the only answer.

But youve seen their relationship... Baldwin and Salauddin wouldn't simply jeopardise everything like that. They have a good bond, a strong friendship even.

However, if highschool has taught you anything, even the closest friendships end because of misunderstandings.

And so, a week later, you were back in Jerusalem with your new tool and a new plan in mind.

You walked up the stairs and towards Baldwin's office. Since you had arrived earlier than he was expecting, you wanted to surprise him. Honestly, you missed him and his adorable expressions-

You stopped at the foot of the door, your heart dropping at the sight.

Baldwin and a woman... kissing.

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[astonmartinii]

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max verstappen 

teacher’s pet 

babysitter duty 

play date 

pen pals 

study bug 

college 

teddy bear 

into the arms of another part two part three part four 

worlds biggest fan part two 

behind the camera 

we don’t play about halloween 

passion for fashion

bite the hand

charles leclerc 

big reputation | part two

home ties

all is fair in love and war 

birthday wishes  

the student life part one / part two 

love languages

motormouth 

cat mom 

author 

big girls do(n’t) cry 

tight knit 

friendship bracelets 

you and me got a whole lotta history 

angel baby, devil child 

undercover verstappen

nonsense... or is it? | a very nonsense christmas

oscar piastri 

rookie love

a spoonful of sugar

cherry lip balm 

i am the rockstar, girlfriend 

witchy business 

peas in a pod

southern charm 

kiss it better

nothing good ever happens at the work christmas party

daniel ricciardo 

ric number three 

cooking up a storm 

rockstar 

wedding bells 

big apple lovin’ 

ultimate wing man 

i don’t wanna be funny anymore 

lewis hamilton 

raw chemistry 

doggy day care 

get the bag 

top secret 

signed up for life 

spice up your life

sebastian vettel 

racing royalty 

family ties 

pierre gasly 

we never go out of style 

final(ly) girl 

mick schumacher 

summer breaking 

opposites attract 

lando norris 

lonely hearts club 

suck up 

team bonding 

best friends 4 ever

frost bitten 

dj got us falling in love 

big time rush 

loving on a sunday

head in the clouds

reluctant cupid

bad blood (lando's version)

ballad of lovebirds and puppy dogs

just add water

george russell 

george russell’s the type of guy 

first impressions matter

esteban ocon 

always the ones you least expect 

carlos sainz 

journalist 

old money 

are you going to be my girl?

toto wolff 

falling for you 

alex albon 

nine lives 

careful what you wish for

yuki tsunoda

guess who?

logan sargeant

pick of the crop

lance stroll

brother's best friend

mamma mia 

mamma mia  

no more ace to play 

honey, honey

age of no regret 

a wonderful thing 

a very mamma mia christmas

if you need me, let me know, gonna be around

guilty as sin masterlist

[godslino]

MIGRATION | bang chan first date series. strangers to lovers.

pairing: bang chan x fem!reader word count: 5.5k genre: fluff, romance, falling in love at first sight summary: you've never been lucky when it comes to dating, but a blind date with chan just might turn that around

chan | minho | changbin | hyunjin | jisung | felix | seungmin | jeongin · · · ♡ series masterlist · · · ♡ taglist · · · ♡

author’s note: hello and welcome to my first date series!! i seriously had so much fun writing this and i’m so excited to continue with the other members. i hope you all enjoy! if you liked it, please remember that any and all feedback is appreciated!! happy reading <3

“So…I know a guy.”

You groan, throwing your head back against the cushion of the booth you’re currently shoved into. Changbin drops his fork to gesture at you with his hand, a look of exasperation on his face.

“Come on, I haven’t even said anything yet!”

“The problem is that you’ve said anything at all.” You say, glaring at him as you reach for your drink.

Changbin, as much as you love him, is notorious for being the worst wing man in the history of wing men. His most recent pick, Jooyoung, was a friend of his from high school. A freelance writer, the owner of a snazzy apartment in one of the more sophisticated districts of Seoul, and conveniently single. They’d recently reconnected after a mutual friend threw a party that they both went to, and he was ecstatic to try and set the two of you up.

You’d been reluctant, rightfully so, but Changbin is anything but a quitter and you also just so happen to be the world’s biggest pushover (his pout is just too good, okay?), so you’d agreed on the off chance that it just might work out.

Long story short, it didn’t.

Jooyoung was probably the biggest asshole you’d ever been on a date with. Not that you were surprised, though. Changbin’s circle of friends when he was younger mainly consisted of grade-A douchebags who were born with a golden spoon in their mouths. Perks of being born into a wealthy family and attending one of the most elite private schools in the country, apparently. Changbin had attended a university on the outskirts of Seoul for a reason. Lesser known, laid back—to study music of all things—and the sole reason for his father’s headache, as he’d put it. That’s where he met you.

“Okay, but I think this guy might be the one.” He makes air quotes around the two words, and you scoff as you cross your arms.

“And what would you know about that?”

“Um, a lot? You’re my best friend, I know exactly what you’re looking for.”

This is the part where things go south—or so you assume. Changbin puts on the puppy eyes, jutting his bottom lip out to hell as he stares at you from across the table. You glare at him dead on, unwavering. He won’t get you this time. Not over your dead body.

“At least let me tell you about him?”

“No.”

“I met him at the company. He makes music just like me, only slightly better. And you know how I am, I don’t just say that stuff. That means he’s really good.”

Choosing to ignore him, you go back to poking at your noodles.

“He’s from Australia. Born here, moved there when he was young, then moved back to pursue music. Kinda ballsy if you ask me. But he speaks English, so at least communication won’t be as much of an issue as other guys.”

A small crack in your composure. The idea of this guy growing up somewhere other than Korea is…pretty intriguing.

Despite moving here three years ago for school, it’s still kind of hard to communicate when your Korean could be more polished than it is. You’d basically kept to yourself for the first year until you met Changbin. He’d easily integrated you into his group of other music majors, even though you stuck out like a sore thumb as both a foreigner and a stem major. But if it weren’t for him, you think that you might’ve hauled ass back home a long time ago due to the isolation. So to be introduced to someone who can speak english, under the prospect of possibly dating them, sparks a bit more interest.

Changbin notices the slight twitch of your brow and smirks, one side of his mouth pulling downwards. Bastard.

“Hmm, what else? Oh! Dude’s got a killer set of dimples. You’re into that, aren’t you? You used to go on and on about that younger guy in your physics class during senior year. What was his name—Jeongsuk? Jeong—Jinyoung? Jeongin! It was Jeongin.” Changbin snaps his fingers like he’s impressed with his own memory, pointing at you as you fix him with a blank stare. “He has dimplessss.” He sing-songs for emphasis.

And, really, this should not be the breaking point. You’re better than this. You’re not so shallow that you would throw away your pride for a man you’ve never met—let alone never seen before—all because he has dimples.

But, once again, you’re a pushover. A big one. So yeah, fuck it.

“What’s his name?”

Changbin blinks like he wasn’t expecting you to fall for it. “Seriously? That’s what got you?”

“You have five seconds to tell me his name before I change my mind.”

He scoffs, mouth agape. “I went as far as disregarding my own talents to play up this guy and his music making abilities—”

“Five.”

“—tried to give you a little bit of a backstory, too—”

“Four.”

“—and the dimples are the final nail in the coffin?”

“Three.”

“Chan! His name is Chan. God. Just—stop counting. It freaks me out.”

Chan. You throw the name around in your brain for a bit, pointedly ignoring the way Changbin is whining about how you sound like his mother when you do the whole number thing. It’s kind of…cute. Not enough to conjure up an idea of what he might look like, but putting a name to a faceless stranger with dimples in your head is gonna have to do for now.

“You swear this guy is normal?”

Changbin rolls his eyes. “Define normal.”

“Okay, let me rephrase myself,” you push your plate forward, laying your forearms on the table as an indicator that you’re serious, “Is he an asshole?”

“No.”

“Hm. Okay. So that’s a maybe.”

“What the fuck? I just said no.”

“Yeah? You also set me up with Jooyoung, remember? The guy who literally started flirting with the waitress right in front of me five minutes into our date? And then proceeded to yell at her when his fries weren’t salted?”

“How was I supposed to know…” Changbin mumbles, looking off to the side guiltily.

“Nevermind. Just—if this goes bad, I’m blaming you. And then I’m never going on a blind date with one of your friends again. Matter of fact, I’m never going on a date again, period. Deal?”

Changbin grins, the apples of his cheeks shiny under the restaurant lighting. He holds his hand out for you to shake, and you take it hesitantly, grimacing when he uses his strength to jostle your arm like a ragdoll.

“Deal.”

🎥🍿

Any hope you had for the date going smoothly starts to dwindle once Chan texts you the day of.

You’d gotten his number from Changbin, who had so kindly already given Chan your number before he’d even broached the subject with you. The resulting lecture about privacy and consent may or may not have extended the rest of your time at the restaurant, a sheepish Changbin rubbing at the back of his neck while you berated him for his lack of common sense.

When your phone buzzes on your bathroom counter, Chan’s name flashing across the screen, you mistakenly think that he might be messaging because he’s early. Which, given the fact that you were standing in nothing but a towel, hair still wet from your shower and face covered in moisturizer you hadn’t rubbed into your skin yet, would be less than ideal.

Chan [12:32p.m.]

Hey! I’m really sorry to have to do this, but can we push the date back an hour?

Something came up at the studio

I tried to get out of it but I have a deadline to meet, client probably won’t be too happy of their track isn’t done on time

Great. Already off to a rough start.

In his defense though, you appreciate the fact that he’s messaged a whopping two hours in advance. Most people probably wouldn’t be bothered to allow that much of a grace period.

You [2:33p.m.]

no worries!!!

you didn’t buy the tickets yet, did you?

Chan [2:34p.m.]

Nope! So we should be fine

I’ll purchase them for 6 and then be there to scoop you up around 5:30 if that’s cool?

You [2:36p.m.]

sounds perfect

hope stuff goes well at the studio!!

Chan [2:40p.m.]

You’re sweet

Thank you, I’ll see you soon :)

You’re sweet. You stare at the words on the screen, your brain buffering for a moment. A big fat loading circle floating above your head.

Suddenly it’s way too hot in the bathroom. You blame the fact that you shower with the water cranked all the way up to boiling, because really there’s no other explanation for the warmth spreading throughout your cheeks.

To be fair, it’s been almost a year now since you’ve had any sort of positive interaction with another male. On one hand, your last relationship ended in a ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ ordeal that most definitely gave the impression that it was you. On the other hand, most of the dates you’ve been on have ruined themselves within the first five minutes, never really giving you the chance to feel any sort of connection. Cocky attitudes, overly pushy encounters, and even someone who walked into the cafe you were seated at, took one look at you, and walked right back out. That one still hurts.

It’s a little sad that Chan is the only guy out of the mix whose elicited any sort of reaction out of you. Especially since you haven’t even met him yet.

The extra hour that you have to compensate for flies by a lot quicker than you expect, and before you know it Chan is messaging that he’s five minutes away.

You take one last glance in the mirror: a pair of light wash jeans that sit right above your hips, black halter top bodysuit, and a thin cream colored cardigan to tie it all together. Simple and cute. A movie date doesn’t really call for all the dramatics, and you’d hate to overdress for a first impression.

You’re in the middle of reapplying your chapstick when the doorbell rings.

Take it easy, you say to yourself, inhaling deeply as you reach for the door handle. You let the air out with one final huff, swinging the door open only to be met by a bouquet of daisies directly in front of your face.

You blink in surprise. Well that’s a first. Before you get a chance to speak, the bouquet is being lowered, and the moment Chan’s face comes into view causes a small gasp to fall from your lips.

He’s…cute. Beautiful, even. A bright smile, dimples that tuck themselves into his laugh lines as his eyes disappear into crescents much like the moon, and lips that make your head spin when his tongue darts out to wet them nervously. His hair falls messily across his forehead in a faded hue of purple with hints of brown, definitely unconventional and an obvious result of one too many washes, but he makes it work. He makes it work well.

He clears his throat, brings a fist up to his mouth to emphasize it, and then grins. “Hi there.”

It takes a second for your brain to catch up. Even his voice is attractive. He’s using english, which leads you to assume that Changbin has already told him that you’re not from here. His accent is there, not too noticeable but also strong enough to be picked up on.

“Hey.” You smile, rubbing a hand up and down your arm.

“These are for you. I, uh, as an apology for being late. Is it too much?”

You shake your head quickly. “No! No, these are—they’re beautiful. I love them. Thank you…Chan.” His name rolls off your tongue hesitantly, but it all disappears as soon as he flashes that smile again.

“Good, I’m glad,” his voice catches the breathy end of the laugh he lets out, “This is weird, isn’t it? I’m sorry, I don’t really do well with this kind of stuff. But you look really nice, and I’m excited. My car is parked just out front if you’re ready to go.”

Honest. Awkward. A laugh that makes you want to hear it over and over again. You were sold the minute his eyes met yours. Chan offers his elbow for you to take like you’re in some cheesy romance movie from your childhood.

Yeah. This one is definitely gonna go well.

🎥🍿

Chan might not show it, but he’s just as nervous as you are.

You wouldn’t be able to tell at first glance that he spent an entire forty-five minutes deciding on an outfit, only to settle with some jeans and a white shirt, a jacket thrown on top for some color.

When Changbin first proposed the idea of going on a date with you, he was adamant that he wasn’t looking for anything right now. But as soon as you opened the door, eyes wide and looking like the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen, he’s glad he said yes.

“So what movie are we seeing?” you ask, frowning when Chan laughs. “What? What’s funny?”

“It’s a surprise.” He smiles, rushing forward to hold the door of the car open for you. When he puts his hand against the top part to block your head, you have to suppress the smattering of butterfly wings that start to clamor against your ribcage.

Chan is sweet. He double checks that you’re buckled in before driving off, he asks if there’s any specific music you want to listen to before foregoing it all entirely to ask about you instead, he listens with an attentiveness that has you feeling seen and heard, and he smiles with such genuinity and warmth that you feel cold once it disappears. You stare at him in awe, like he’s a figment of your imagination.

Chan’s been staring back, too. He spares glances in your direction when you’re not looking, feels the steady thump of his heart gradually increase whenever you lean a little too far to the left when he makes you laugh, and he thinks your voice is prettier than anything that’s ever played on the radio.

You learn more about him as he drives. He moved back from Australia when he was seventeen, he’s got two younger siblings and an adorable puppy named Berry back home (and pictures on his dashboard to prove it), he prefers Australia’s summers over Seoul’s winters but he finds more inspiration here in the city than anywhere else. You resonate with the fact that he doesn’t really have anyone here besides a small circle of friends. No family, no one to fall back on when things get tough.

Chan talks like he’s an old friend, like he’s re-telling a story you’ve heard a thousand times. He makes it easy to fall into step with him as if you’ve been here all along.

By the time the two of you get to the movie theater, the initial awkwardness that had hung in the air is gone, replaced by comfort and ease. Chan throws the car in park and all but books it out of his seat to open your door for you, and you giggle when he makes a dramatic bow as you exit.

The theater is kind of busy for a Thursday night. There are families with their kids lined up to get tickets and groups of teenagers at the concessions, all of which make for a crowded lobby. Chan glances down when you place a hand on his arm, mostly because you want to stay close, but also because it’s hard to ignore the feeling of being magnetized towards him. He smiles, bending at the elbow to allow your arm to slip into his.

There are cardboard cutouts along the sides of the lobby, all of which serve to promote the newest animated release about a family of ducks. You squint at the showtimes once the two of you make it to the front of the counter, letting your eyes scan the movie titles until you finally land on—

“Two tickets for Migration, under Bang Chan.”

The girl behind the counter looks up, her eyes bored. She can’t be any older than sixteen, most likely resentful about the fact that she’s stuck here on a school night. “The kids movie?” She asks, unimpressed.

Chan braves a glance in your direction and—ah, there goes that grin again. Cue the butterflies. You’d agree to a three hour long showing of static and white noise if it meant he’d never stop doing that.

“Yup, that’s the one.”

Tickets in hand, a smiling Chan right next to you, and a massive line for popcorn that honestly might have the two of you late for the previews. “We’re seeing a kids movie?” You ask, moving up a spot in the line.

“Mmhm. I spent so long looking at all the options. The romcoms seemed boring, Bin mentioned that the newest superhero movie was bad, and I figured a scary one was too cliché,” he eyes you sidelong, “Unless you’re into that.”

You huff out a laugh, not really expecting him to be so straightforward, “I definitely am not.”

“Hm, so the old yawn to put my arm around you trick won’t work?” His eyes are playful, but something about the idea of being in even more contact with him has your stomach doing flips.

“Nope. Sorry. Seen that one before.” You say, making him laugh, his earring dangling when he drops his chin towards his chest.

“I guess I’ll have to figure out something else then.”

Another thing you learn about Chan is that he enjoys interesting food combinations.

“You like peanut m&ms?” he asks, throwing a bag of them onto the counter when you nod your head. After he pays, he pockets his wallet and turns to you with a bucket of popcorn tucked under his arm and a large drink with two straws in his hand. “Could you grab the candy?”

First door, theater one. There are a bunch of parents and their kids entering ahead of you, all of them buzzing with excitement. It’s a little funny, the fact that two grown adults—no kid in tow—are walking into the showing of a kids movie.

Chan leads you to the very back row. “For the kids, just in case they can’t see over us.” He quickly clarifies after noticing the way your eyebrows shoot up in silent question, but even in the dim lighting you can still see the tips of his ears turning pink.

“Taking me to a kids movie and then propositioning me in the presence of five year olds? You’ve got some nerve.” You say, timing it perfectly as Chan is leaning forward to take a sip of the drink that’s placed in the cupholder between the two of you. He sputters around the straw in surprise, coughing into his fist.

“That’s not—” You laugh, cutting him off as he stares at you with red eyes from his coughing fit. The mood shifts after that, and Chan visibly relaxes into his seat as he starts throwing jokes out a lot easier than before.

“Learned this from my dad,” he says, opening the bag of m&ms, “It’s my favorite thing to do at the movies. Haven’t been in a while because—well, I don’t really have anyone to go with.”

You watch as he dumps the candy into the popcorn bucket, shaking it to mix everything together. He reaches in to grab a piece of popcorn and an m&m at the same time, popping it into his mouth.

“Oh my god,” he sighs, slumping into his seat, “Forgot how good that is.”

When you don’t respond, he looks over. “You okay?”

Are you? You’re not sure. Every bone in your body is screaming bloody murder because Chan is making it really hard to not want to lean over and kiss the concerned frown off of his stupidly pretty face.

The thing about it is that you don’t do blind dates. And you most especially don’t enjoy them. But Chan is different. Chan holds doors open for you and makes corny jokes. Chan laughs at everything like it’s his last day on earth and he’s making up for lost time. Chan listens when you talk and responds with genuine interest. Chan compliments the little girl in the theater lobby who’s wearing a princess dress to watch the new superhero movie. Chan shares something as special as his dad’s favorite movie snack with you. Chan is just…Chan. And you like him. A lot.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay, I’m just—thank you. For sharing that with me.” You say, the corners of your mouth lifting.

“Stop doing that.” He mumbles, eyes trained ahead.

“Doing what?”

“Smiling. It makes my head spin.”

Your heart slams against your chest. You’ve spent the entire date trying to make sense of the way Chan makes you feel, trying to put it all into words. Yet here he is, right in front of you, saying his thoughts as they come and absolutely ruining your resolve in the process. Like it’s easy for him.

There’s no time to answer when the lights go down, the screen up front widening to signal the start of the movie.

Just like any other kids movie, it’s easy to get caught up in all the surface level jokes while also understanding the themes. You and Chan laugh outwardly at some parts, hold your breath at the suspenseful ones. It’s almost like you’re a kid again, enjoying yourself fully for the first time in a really, really long while.

Chan was right, the popcorn and m&m combination is good. You reach back into the bucket for more, freezing when Chan does the same and his knuckles brush yours in the slightest of touches, sending a jolt of electricity up your arm. It happens a few more times, each one leaving his hand lingering for far longer than the last, until eventually he makes a show of digging really hard for an m&m and hooks his pinky with yours in between the popcorn. It’s cheesy and cliché but god does it make your stomach do somersaults.

About three-quarters of the way through the movie, when it’s clear that neither one of you are willing to take it the next step further, you lean into his ear.

“You okay? You look kind of tired.”

Chan turns, confused. He’s certain that he wasn’t dozing off. He did have a late night last night. He was up working on the track that still somehow managed to hold him back today, hoping to have everything polished so that he didn’t run into any obstacles before your date. But that didn’t really work out in the end.

“Huh? No, I’m fine. Honest.”

“You sure?” you ask, a slight lift to your voice, “I don’t know, you looked like you were about to yawn.”

The light from the movie hits the left side of his face, illuminating all of his features in a way that makes your breath hitch. He’s pretty. So, so pretty.

Chan blinks, slow, and then his confusion slowly turns to one of understanding. Cue the grin.

“You know, now that I’m thinking about it…I am kind of tired.” He makes a show of fake yawning, stretches his arms above his head (and not blocking any children since you’re in the back row, thankfully), before bringing his right arm down and around your shoulders.

You spend the rest of the movie like that, tucked into Chan’s side while his fingers move gently against your shoulder. He’s unbelievably warm, and eventually you find your head resting in the spot just between his shoulder and his neck, his cheek pushed up against the side of your head. The position makes it easier to reach up and pat his eyes dry at the end, a single tear slipping out as he sniffled and mumbles a ‘M’not crying’ that has you giggling and doting all over him.

He doesn’t move his arm for the entire walk back to the car, and you momentarily mourn the loss when he opens the door for you (again!) so you can climb in. When he finally gets in on the other side, he says nothing, just reaches over to intertwine his fingers with yours and places your joined hands on the center console like it’s something you’ve done a thousand times.

“Ready to go home?” He asks, looking over at you.

You glance down at your hands, then back up at him. “Is it weird if I say no?”

“Not at all,” Chan grins, throwing the car into drive, “I was hoping you would say that.”

🎥🍿

“For you.”

Chan plops down on the bench, a hand outstretched with a steaming hot chocolate ready for you to take.

“Thanks,” you smile, cradling the cup between your hands.

After some deliberation, you and Chan had decided to come to the Han River. It’s quiet, the bridge lights reflecting off the water as the sounds of the city fade into the background. The temperature is slightly on the colder side, the tail end of winter just barely there. When he notices the slight shiver of your shoulders after a particularly strong gust of wind, Chan shucks his jacket off in a heartbeat to drape over you.

“Oh, you don’t—”

“You’re cold,” he scolds, pulling at the collar of the jacket to tighten it around you. His hand lingers near the base of your neck, fingers itching to reach out and touch. He doesn’t though, just smiles and settles back into the bench. “Plus I think Changbin might actually kill me if something were to happen to you.”

“Oh please,” you roll your eyes, “Ignore him. I’m not a baby.”

Chan takes a sip of his own hot chocolate, licks his lips to catch the excess. Not that you’re staring. “I’m serious. I mean, I get it. He told me that you’re here alone and stuff.”

You hum in understanding, turning your head to stare out at the water. “So are you.”

It’s Chan’s turn to look at you now, his elbows resting against his knees, and you watch out of the corner of your eye as his face turns unreadable.

The silence stretches thin, nothing but the sound of cars passing and a dog barking nearby. It’s kind of comforting in a way. Being on your own in a new place has been one of the hardest transitions you’ve ever had to deal with. There were times where it felt like a mistake, where you wished that you’d never even gotten on the plane. But then there were times where you felt lucky to be experiencing the things you are; to be able to try new things and pursue a life for yourself that you never thought possible.

“How’d you do it?” you ask quietly, turning to meet Chan’s gaze. “I mean, you were young. Seventeen is basically still a kid. Being alone in a place like this is scary as an adult, I can’t even imagine what that was like.”

Chan smiles, but it’s sad. His eyes twinkle with something like resentment, the lights from the bridge making it look like he’s glowing. A flame that’ll never burn out. “Would you believe me if I said I’m still figuring it out?” The end of it comes out as a laugh, but you can tell he means it.

“I don’t know, being a big shot music producer with deadlines and clients seems pretty figured out to me.”

Chan nods and stares at the cup in his hands. “My parents hated it. Still do, I think.” You don’t say anything. Chan is grateful for that; grateful for the space you’re giving him to explain. “They wanted more for me I guess. But I’m not sure that more would’ve necessarily been what I wanted, you know? I’m content with where I am now. I’m doing something I love, even if it took a while to get here. They don’t see it.” He chews his lip nervously, fingers playing with the soggy material of the paper cup’s rim.

Chan doesn’t know why he’s saying any of this. He’s not the type to completely bare himself out to anyone, to scoop away at his insides until there’s nothing left besides the hollowness he feels whenever he thinks about how he traded his life back home for a life of music. But you’re different somehow. Chan knew since the moment he saw you, felt it in the way your eyes lit up whenever he spoke and in the ease of how well the two of you got along. He was doomed from the start.

“I see it.” you say, your eyes still fixed on the water. “I might’ve only just met you today, but I see it. And I get it, too. Maybe not to the same extent, but the feeling of wanting to do something for yourself even if it meant losing something else. There’s purpose in that, in you. It’s okay to be selfish if it means you’re prioritizing your happiness.” You let the words settle for a bit, hoping that you don’t sound too shallow. When you turn to look at him, he’s already looking back.

“You don’t know me enough to say that.”

“I don’t have to know you to believe in you, Chan.”

A beat of silence, and then he’s laughing, short and punctuated as he lets his head fall forward with a small shake.

“You’re…”

“What? Corny?” you supply, smiling over at him.

“No,” he says, meeting your gaze. “Perfect.”

You huff out an incredulous laugh, looking away to hide the blush that’s spreading across your cheeks. “You can’t just—god, now who’s corny? Huh?”

“I never said I wasn’t corny.” Chan argues, sitting up to face you fully.

“Yeah but you can’t just say stuff like that.”

“Why not? I think you like it.”

Your mouth opens and closes quickly, lost for words. Chan’s closer now, a lot closer than he was before. One arm thrown across the back of the bench, loosely framing you in, he bends it at the elbow to bring a hand up and tuck your hair behind your ear.

“I never said that.” you mumble, your gaze flicking down to his lips and then back up again.

“You want me to stop then?” he asks, voice just above a whisper. You know what he’s implying the minute his fingers trace the shell of your ear, moving down slowly until they start playing with the collar of his jacket.

“Is it bad if I say no?”

Chan’s hand is warm to the touch, ice to fire. You lean into it. A moth to a flame, one that’ll never go out.

“Not at all,” he repeats, just like earlier, “I was hoping you would say that.”

A dog barking in the distance. Cars beeping as they pass by. A plane flying overhead. A group of friends laughing as they ride past on their bikes. The minute Chan’s lips connect with yours, everything fades, the sounds warbling together like static. Unintelligible; nothing besides the feeling of Chan kissing you matters.

It’s slow, nothing more than a press, but you feel it in every fiber of your being. Kissing Chan feels like the poles of the earth are colliding, meeting in the middle and sending its molten core spreading throughout your entire body. Warm, warm, warm. Chan is warm. He’s soft and gentle and his lashes tickle your cheeks when his eyes flutter closed halfway through because he was too busy etching your features into his memory.

You’re the first to pull away, admiring the way Chan’s eyes slowly peel open, lips swollen and pink. Unable to resist, you lean in and peck them once more, giggling when he blinks at you in shock.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been as compelled to kiss someone as I was just now.” You smile.

“Me too,” he sighs, resting his forehead against yours. “I don’t normally kiss on the first date.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t normally do dates anyways. At least not ones that don’t immediately go up in flames.”

“What about now?” Chan asks, raising an eyebrow. “Have I changed your mind?”

“Hmm, I don’t know. I kind of told Changbin that if this was a disaster I was never gonna go on a date again.”

Chan laughs and pulls you into his side, tucked right under his arm like the shape of him was molded in a way to make sure that you fit perfectly in his embrace.

“Is it bad if I say I like that idea?” He asks, glancing down at where your head is resting against his chest.

“Nope,” you say before leaning up to kiss him once more. He smiles into it when he feels your fingers playing with the curls at the nape of his neck, humming softly against your lips.

“Worst date ever, then?” he mumbles against your mouth.

“Yeah,” you sigh, pulling back to stare into his eyes, big and brown and brighter than the stars, “Worst date ever.”

[tags: @palindrome969 @summergirlsmj @n1staytiny ]

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[qsycomplainsalot]

Something very sad and dumb is happening. During the slow collapse of the Roman empire we lost many "luxury" trades and techniques due to them not being sustainable in a post-roman less connected world. People didn't get dumber, and they kept using and inventing new things to improve their quality of life, but, to take an exemple out of many, the recipe of the seawater concrete that was so closely tied to Rome's monumental architectural projects was forgotten for over a thousand years simply because for quite some time there just weren't cities vast enough to attract the kind of patrons to fund them, which stopped the process known as euergetism to take place. Somehow we have been going through the same process again over the past hundred and so years, not because there's no upper class to chase civic recognition by sponsoring the arts, but because the upper class has lost interest in sponsoring the arts at all. It seems like rich people have become more and more into the idea alone of accumulating money, and just can't think of ways to spend it that wouldn't also be thought off by the most basic dudebros around. Not to glorify rich people at any point in time but it used to be that when you had an insane amount of money you'd use it to foster a court of artist, build gigantic public baths or commission a rank in the navy to discover new continents. Nowadays it all goes towards a dick measuring contest of yachts, mansions and what just seems like the least satisfying way one could ever spend their money. This wouldn't be so much of a problem considering the lower class has had more spending money than ever before in history, but aside from that and in lock step with exponential capitalism, rich people seem to take personal exception to the arts existing at all, opting instead to commodify everything, copy it and sell it for cheap. We're staring down the barrel of losing thousands of crafts honed over dozens of generations simply because the mercantile hellscape we live in does not, for whatever reason, value having the best possible teapot ever produced, or the best knife, or the best brush, etc... instead these products are undermined by cheap imitations sponsored by rich assholes wanting the appearance of quality over the real thing for revenues' sake, possibly because the idea that an ultra-skilled artisan class getting paid insane amounts of money completely proportional to their labor feels alien to this bunch of parasites. And I don't think that trickle down economics has ever been a thing, but it sure as hell feels like we went from being the paid monkeys of the elite, to them not being willing to spend the piss it would take to save us from a fire.

[mulligans-tavern]

Dear K2,

If you're seeing this, it's probably because you're on Tumblr, and let's face it, you would be on Tumblr. So, here's a few things to know:

1. You're British. You live in England, which is part of the United Kingdom. People will give you shit for this, and it's because of a history you have no knowledge of, but that's not the point. The point is, you're very close to where King Charles is right now. It's gonna be hard to bring down the whole monarchy, but you do have your own magic now. Do your best.

2. If you get a positive pregnancy test, that is no longer just a thing that happens around you. That means something entirely different now.

3. Somewhere in this world is a man named Brennan Lee Mulligan. Some people will tell you he is your nemesis, or that you are his. This is... true, to an extent. You should get a Dropout subscription, actually. That might be helpful.

4. Along those same lines, the reason nobody can tell what part of the UK you are from is because your accent is entirely stereotypical, from the Most American member of the Fantasy High cast. This is something you're gonna have to work through on your own.

5. You're the first miracle worker on Earth in 2000 years, maybe. I'm not up to date on my religious history. Keep that in mind when you're casting spells around people, and also keep in mind that while you are getting magic from a goddess, that goddess was created at 3am in a warehouse by Ally Beardsley.

6. If you ever meet Zac Oyama in real life, know that he narrated your darkest moments with the gravity and honour they deserved.

Here's to you, kid. Hope you do okay out here in our dimension.

Blimey,

mulligans-tavern

[multifandomfanfic]

In which Jenson and Y/N start dating during the 2024 season, and fans quickly catch on.

A/N: Enjoy everyone! Had fun making this! Also, I realize Jenson Button currently works for Williams, but apparently more people (by a little) associate him with McLaren... that doesn't really mean anything in this context but it made me make the reader work for McLaren. ANYWAYS. Ignore the time skipping. And I also didn't want to jinx anything for this season, so this doesn't go past Silverstone. Enjoy!

f1

liked by yourusername, maxverstappen1, honda, and 2,193,008 others

f1: Y/N Y/L/N is confirmed to leave Red Bull Racing at the end of the 2023 season.

The world-renowned engineer and test driver has been with Red Bull for seven seasons, being promoted to the Technical Director role for the 2021 season. Under her control, the team won three constructors and driver's championships.

redbullracing: Thank you for your many years of service, Y/N--we'll miss you!

yourusername: ❤️💛💙

susie_wolff: Off to bigger and better things! We're so proud of you!

landonorris: can you tell us all your secrets now?

yourusername: nice try but no <3 landonorris: ugh maybe zac can convince you yourusername: 🤫

user727: uh. what?

fanaccount01: what is going on? there were no rumors no nothing!

user668: People nowadays have no loyalty. Y/N spent seven years at Red Bull and now she feels as if she can leave? Where is the loyalty? What happened to sticking with your first job/team until you retire?Red Bull has done everything to prop her up--she can't just leave out of nowhere.

fanaccount02: why shouldn't she leave if she wants to? user154: it's red bull we've all seen how they've treated their drivers, whose to say they don't treat their engineers the same way?

f1

liked by yourusername, mclaren, pierregasly, and 2,203,487 others

f1: Y/N Y/L/N is confirmed to join McLaren and assume their Technical Director role at the start of the 2024 season.

The MIT- and Zurich-educated engineer has worked in F1 since 2016. She is the first female Technical Director and the youngest one in Formula One's history.

landonorris: can you tell us your secrets now?

yourusername: now that i'm contractually obligated to? sure 🥰 landonorris: nobody likes a smartass y/n yourusername: @oscarpiastri does oscarpiastri: i do

maxverstappen1: please come back 🙏

user837: omg max 😭😭

mclaren: 🧡🧡🧡

yourusername: excited to be a part of team papaya!

jensonbutton: I'm so happy you decided to join McLaren--you will not regret it!

yourusername: I trust you! 💕 fanaccount03: uhhhh jenson don't you work for williams user938: not to read into this too much but the two hearts emoji y/n? 🤔

fanaccount04: we love seeing a queen in action

yourusername posted to their story

mclaren

liked by landonorris, yourusername, ben_radcliffe, jensonbutton, and 215,655 others

mclaren: HUGE POINTS HAUL! 👊 A great drive from Lando and Oscar to deliver Down Under! 🤩 Look's like Y/N's skills have made quite the difference! 💡

zbrownceo: Best decision I ever made was hiring you, Y/N!

oscarpiastri: don't you have a wife and son mate zbrownceo: Would you like your contract to be renewed, Oscar? comment liked by yourusername

charli_xcx: leave some genius for the rest of us y/n jesus

yourusername: sorry i won't try as hard next time mclaren: no y/n please keep trying 🙏

landonorris: So lucky to have you, Y/N!

jensonbutton: Amazing job, team!

fanaccount05: So we agree we're all voting Y/N as driver of the day next time?

user710: yes fanaccount06: yes oscarpiastri: yes

yourusername

liked by jensonbutton, f1, sabrinacarpenter, colesprouse, and 524,389 others

yourusername: ɐᴉʅɐɹʇsnɐ ƃuᴉɥʇʎɹǝʌǝ ɹoⅎ sʞuɐɥʇ ✌️

maxverstappen1: Have you always been such an amazing photographer?

yourusername: flattery will not bring me back to red bull max 🥰 maxverstappen1: Please? yourusername: no 🫶

danielricciardo: i thought you said you needed a tourguide..?

yourusername: i had @valtteribottas do it. using the grid's resident australian was easier than hiring one. danielricciardo: he's not even really austrialian mate?? yourusername: harsh valterribottas: way harsh

jensonbutton: Those kangaroos really loved you

yourusername: me or the food i had in my pocket? jensonbutton: Both?

fanaccount07: Marry me, Y/N? 🥺💍

yourusername: give me a couple months and i'll get back to you on that fanaccount07: excuse me huh???

user819: please more bts pics of lando and oscar pleaseee 🙏

yourusername: i'll try my best 🫡

yourusername posted to their story

yourusername

liked by jensonbutton, postmalone, williamsracing, and 619,283 others

yourusername: goodbye lando no-wins 👋🧡

landonorris: couldn't have done it without you!

comment liked by yourusername

landonorris: what's my nickname now?

yourusername: lando one-win landonorris: could we do something with a little more creativity? yourusername: lando no-rizz? landonorris: i like the first one better

mclaren: We could not have done it without you, Y/N! 💪🏆

yourusername: It's an honor to work with you guys this season! I'm so proud of the team.

jensonbutton: Have I told you you're the best technical director in F1 yet today?

yourusername: no 🥰 comment liked by jensonbutton yourusername: this is how you do flattery right, @maxverstappen1. take notes maxverstappen1: 😑 fanaccount08: omg stop you guys are too obvious

user293: she is so unserious i love it

fanaccount09: hello again jenson we see you

yourusername posted to their story

jensonbutton posted to their story

yourusername

liked by pierregasly, mclaren, williamsracing, oscarpiastri, and 783,023 others

yourusername: whoopsies

landonorris: "whoopsies"?? y/n, it's not like it was ever a well-kept secret

yourusername: ok lando no-rizz landonorris: ...i want a new technical director yourusername: @zakbrownceo landonorris: NO PLEASE

lilymhe: you guys are too cute

yourusername: awww thank you lily! 🫶

jensonbutton: I love you ❤️

yourusername: love you too <3

fanaccount10: all the signs pointed to it and yet i was still in denial 😭

user474: they're literally perfect for each other what?

fanaccount11: ACTUALLY they're my new favorite f1 couple fr user987: please please please last 🙏

fanaccount12: jenson and y/n adopt me challenge

jensonbutton added to their story

[dcxdpdabbles]

pleasseeee I need more for angel brat 🙏🙏🙏 it’s just too funny reading about Danny messing with the batfam

Jason regrets ever agreeing to babysit.

Logically, he knew that leaving Danny alone was a terrible idea. Not only was the little boy suffering from medical conditions, but if he were to discover they had forgotten him, he would zap himself out of the timeline.

Right now, Bruce and the others were working nonstop with the Flashes to try to figure out a way to anchor him to the new timeline they had created. Bart had a general idea of how to best go about this, but he warned everyone that it may be a lost cause.

Still, to keep their angel, everyone agreed to let the time traveler do his thing. Bart explained that he needed to get readings around Wayne Manor first to see if the Speed Force could help them anchor Danny to that location.

Once the anchor was dropped successfully, Danny would be free to move about their world without the fear of vanishing.

Since it was the one place Danny had been in the most in the old timeline and was planning on living in for the unforeseen future, everyone agreed to his idea.

That meant they needed to get Danny out of the Manor for a good amount of time. He couldn't see them working without answering some uncomfortable questions, nor could they just leave him defenseless in Gotham.

Due to Danny's medical conditions, the family had kept him mostly at the manor, but they didn't want to keep him locked up, which meant that there were some rumors about the boy.

The Bats used those rumors to verify that Danny existed before the timeline rest. They also studied them to get to know the boy before meeting him face to face.

It wasn't a lot, but enough to get a general idea of what the populace thought about Danny. It was an even split between people confusing him for Damian or thinking the Waynes were covering him up and not giving the people the explanation they "owed" them.

Jason wanted to know why random strangers on the streets thought they had a right to know their lives and couldn't keep their noses out of Wayne's business, but that might just be his Crime Alley upbringing talking.

There had been a few articles about Danny being seen around Gotham—mostly, the reporters thought it was Damian and speculated what happened to him. Jason noticed that Danny's previous outings seemed to revolve around two things.

Space and antiques.

Why? Jason was unsure but figured it would be the perfect cover to get Danny out. The rest of the family stayed behind to help with the tests.

"This is going to be awesome!" Danny cheered as Jason helped him with his gas tank. The two were standing outside the historical Gotham Museum.

It was a random Tuesday, so they and the staff were the only ones there.

Jason had figured that Danny had a love of history, which meant that he would be happy if Jason promised him a full day of riding around to see every museum the city had to offer.

It was disguised as Jason being bored and a spur-of-the-moment invitation, which was why no one else was free when asked to come along. Danny didn't seem to question it too much, running off to prepare for a fun day filled with historical retellings.

Jason wasn't that into history.

Still, he enjoyed reading enough period-era books to be willing to spend hours on random historical tours with Danny.

Danny was practically glowing as he leaned back and forth on his feet impatiently. He kept swinging his eyes to the building as though he could fly right in.

Jason's lips twitch. "It's going to be fun."

Together, they climb the stairway to the door. The museum is one of the biggest in the city. It has exhibits dating back to before Gotham's discovery, tracing all the urban legends and local myths from then to the present day.

Jason thought Danny would like to hear fascinating stories like Solomon Grundy's origins and the Wayne family's myths. Apparently, Bruce's family has always been a bit...strange.

He just wasn't prepared for Danny, already knowing that little fact about his bloodline.

"Do you think they'll have the Wayne witch burns!?" Danny excitable asks, causing Jason's steps to flatter.

"The what?"

"You know when they tried to burn three of the Wayne sisters in the town square on accounts of witchcraft? I always thought it was funny how the sisters managed to get away by setting the church on fire." Danny giggles, walking over to the lady at the counter. "It's one of my favorite exhibits."

"You've been here before?" Jason asks, entirely unprepared for that. In hindsight, it made sense for Danny to go somewhere of interest to him. Damian has visited the zoo at least thirteen times in his first year!

Danny quirks an eyebrow up at him. "Of course I have. You were the one who brought me here before, remember?"

Oh no.

"Are you sure?" he laughs nervously, looking up at the woman who is paying for two tickets—one adult and one child. She smiles at him sweetly as she stamps their papers—the museum liked to use Gotham's first original train tickets as passes. Danny pulls out his own for a collectible stamp, which makes Jason wince.

"Stop being weird Jason. No matter how much you pretend, I'm not going to let you get out of the photo," Danny tells him with a grin.

The photo?

"Is the booth available, ma'am?" Danny asks the woman with the politest tone he's ever heard a fourteen-year-old use. The woman, a twenty-something that was awfully pretty, smile grows wider.

"It is. What era would you like?"

Danny stops, pressing his thumb against his chin before asking, "What era is Pride and Prejudice set in? "

"It was The Regency period in England, but we knew it as the Federal," Jason responds instantly. "I don't know the exact number of years, though. Why?"

"I just wanted to check if Gotham was around then." Danny peaks up at the woman. "Gotham was founded in sixteen thirty-five, right?"

"Yes, but some argue that the Dutch founded it first, even if they moved on a few years before Captain Jon Logerquist." She says, giving Danny a wink. "That does mean we have Federal period outfits for you boys."

"Yeah!" Danny grabs onto Jason's wrist. "We can dress up as Mr. Darcy like you always wanted, Jay!"

The woman laughs as Jason's face starts to heat up. He has never been embarrassed about his love of classical books. It's the fact his little brother exposed his nerdier side to a girl he thought was sort of attractive.

She probably thought he ran around cosplaying or something.

"I'll go get it ready." She says, throwing her long red hair behind her shoulder.

"Thank you, Marie," Danny tells her, and Jason is even more surprised.

"How do you know her name?" Because Jason had checked. She wasn't wearing a nametag.

Danny looks up at him with far more confusion than before. At once, the outline of his body flickers in and out of sight. Jason's heart almost drops to his knees because, for a second, Danny actually vanishes from sight. "Dude, we've been here so many times before; it would be rude to know not her name at this point. Are you sure you are okay, Jay? Was your last night shift too rough? We can go home if you not feeling well."

"Yeah, no, I'm fine. I just think she's hot so I can't think straight around her," Jason blurts, wanting Danny to stop thinking about it before he is erased right in front of him.

There is a short gasp to his right, and with absolute dread, Jason turns to find Marie standing there, clearly having heard what he said.

No. Danny presses a hand to his mouth, not doing the best of jobs hiding his laughter.

Jason wants to melt onto the floor and die as she shyly informs them the booth is ready. She leads them over to a room with costumes tucked in the corner. A large camera is set up pointing to a lovely blue backdrop and various lights.

She tells them there are more backdrops on the racks, which they can change. She recommends numbers seven and nineteen since they were of old castle gardens, which would work best for Danny's vision of Pride and Prejudice.

The camera was set to send her the photos, and she would develop them when they were done with their resume walkthrough. If they wanted a different era, Marie could always come back and replace the costumes with something fitting.

The Gotham Museum had clothes from various periods that matched their exhibits. Jason is shocked to find they used Bruce's donation money for good use.

Danny is happily flipping through the coat rack, as Marie politely but obviously runs out of the room as fast as possible.

Ouch.

"We should re-do the same posses," Danny chirps, flipping through his phone until he finds a picture of him in a pirate costume, with one leg pressed on the small bench and raising a sword above his head. Next to him, Jason is seen sitting on the ground, one knee prompt up.

He was also wearing a pirate costume and holding a parrot on the tip of his finger resting over his knee.

Jason does not remember taking this photo, but it's clear as day that it's him smirking at the camera from two years ago. That should have been right around the time he first started to calm down from his Pit Madness.

Had he really brought Danny around here since then?

"Sure, kid." Jason cracked, swinging on a nicely done light blue gentlemen's coat that he could easily see Mr. Bingley. "We can react it."

Danny beamed.

They took a few photos, changing into almost all the outfits, because he can admit that he did have a bit of fun doing that before they decided to check out the rest of the museum.

Danny seemed to stop ever so often to ask why something had moved or where something had gone, and Jason needed to quickly distract him. He finds out that Danny may not be the only one erased, for the three Wayne sisters are missing, a giant battle between the British and the townspeople back during the colony days is gone, and the Wayne Manor light post legend is nowhere to be found.

Danny is devastated that they took down the light post, so Jason is quick to ask him to retell the tale. He makes a mental promise to have Bruce throw enough money at the museum to get it back up.

"Legend has it that the old head of the house, "Mad" Anthony Wayne, had fallen in love with a girl far below his family station. Without the approval of their parents, the two lovers were not allowed to wed. But he wasn't known as Mad for nothing." Danny chirps around his oxygen. He needed a moment to rest, so the two sat down and had something to snack on at the Museum's Cafe.

"He hatched a plan where they would meet at the far light post at the edge of the Wayne property every night to be together with only the stars as witnesses. Anothony would slowly pass along to her some wealth of the family that he smuggled out so the two could go and start new lives together. One night, while waiting for his beloved, Anothiny heard a scream from the swamp and raced over, but he was too late. He saw his love being dragged into the waters by something covered in scales and killing her. Some say it was alligators, while others claim it was a monster that roams the earth today. Devastated, Anothony would later marry the wife he had picked up for him by his parents. They say his love still waits under that light post, and if you see her, then she will either bless your love or try to kill you."

Jason blinks. "What makes her choose to bless you?"

"Only true lovers can be blessed. People would go over to our post to test their loves." Danny shrugs. "I wouldn't tempt an obviously violent ghost like that, but that's just me."

The older man nodded, thinking it was a fair thing to say and wondering if he had ever passed by the apparent light post from the myth.

He just forgot about it when the timeline changed.....or she never died thus making it a regular light post. How can he be sure he was missing something if he never knew it was gone?

Ugh, time travel gave him a headache.

"You should ask Marie to go stand under it with you," Danny grins, wiggling his eyebrows.

Jason sighs. "She's not even interested."

"Sure she is! Look, I'll prove it." Danny swung himself from his chair and marched to the greeting counter. Much to Jason's horror, his baby brother chats with her, twisting around to point at Jason and watching Marie's face turn bright red.

Jason grabs a menu and hides behind it mentally, telling himself this would be the last time he ever stepped foot in this museum again. Danny races back, clutching a piece of paper with a phone number. "She told me to tell you to call her,"

Jason's jaw drops. "What?"

"Here," Danny pressed the paper in his hand, and on it was a number with a heart. "She said she was tired of waiting for you to make a first move. You're welcome."

"How did you do this?"

"Please, if I could get Kori to give Dick a chance, I can get anyone to agree on a date." Danny boasted, puffing up his chest in pride. You can call me Cupid Wayne! I mean, how else do you think Cass and Steph got together? "

Jason wondered what else he had forgotten about Danny. Mystified, he wondered if Cass or Steph knew they were dating. Apparently, Danny had gotten them together, and he hadn't seen them act couple-ly since they found Danny making himself a sandwich.

Somewhere, Cass screams as Damian tells her the plan his brother hatched to help her with her crush. This was not the deal, boy! This was supposed to be funny!

Cass ain't laugh!

[heart-of-the-morningstar]

✨Falling For You (Again)✨

Angel!Lucifer x f!angel reader ➡️ Lucifer x f!fallen angel reader

Summary: You and Lucifer were the best of friends up in Heaven with eons of history between the two of you. But when the first woman catches his eye, your heart couldn’t help but ache…

Warnings: smut, 18+, fingering, light tail play, oral (f receiving), p in v

It was no secret that you and Lucifer shared a special bond. You two were as close as friends could be. It was a little odd to be fair; a seraphim and a virtue were definitely an unusual pair. Nonetheless, neither of you cared what the rest of Heaven thought of you. You did your best to ignore the rumors that were floating about; saying your bond with Lucifer ran deeper than just a friendship. It wasn't true, of course, and those relationships were heavily discouraged by the Elders. Neither of you would dare consider stirring up trouble...more than you already have, that is.

Separately, the two of you were considered "mischievous" as Sera would say. But together, you created a whirlwind of ideas and spectacles that would land the both of you with serious reprimand more than once. You tried your best to behave, but Lucifer brought out the worst, or perhaps the best, in you. You were the only one who believed in his dreams and his passions, and he was more than encouraging when he asked about your ideas for creation. It was heartbreaking when you learned that he had been left out of the creation of the new world. To you, his ideas were not dangerous as many others believed, but inspired. When Lucifer told you that he wanted to see Earth for himself, you covered for him, as any good friend would do. His visits became more and more frequent, and your lies became less and less believable.

Every time Lucifer returned from Earth, he would go on and on for hours about the wonderful and fantastical things he'd seen. But what he wanted to talk about most was the human woman, Lilith. You had witnessed for yourself how the human man Adam had treated her; demanding control and with no regard for anything but himself. He was selfish, you believed Lilith was right for fleeing the garden. You hoped that the new human woman Eve would fare better. Lucifer had found Lilith and immediately was enraptured with her. You were happy for him. Mostly. There was a small pang in your heart every time he mentioned her, but this was your best friend; you wanted nothing more than for him to be happy! There was also the constant threat that now loomed over him. What would Heaven do if they found out about Lucifer and Lilith? You vowed to keep his secret; you couldn't bear to witness any punishment befall him.

One day, Lucifer came rushing to your room with an idea that could shake Heaven to its very core.

"Free will?" you asked Lucifer. "Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, the Elders-"

"The Elders are wrong," Lucifer responded curtly. "Humans deserve to have free will. They shouldn't just be puppets on Heaven's strings. It's not right! They should have the right to choose!"

You sighed. "I don't disagree with you, Lucifer. You're right. But...I'm worried. What will happen once they do have it? Once it's given, you can't take it back. And what will happen to you? You have to know there will be consequences if you go through with this and I...I'm..."

Lucifer pulled you into a tight hug, and you instinctively returned the gesture. Holding him felt like one of the greatest gifts you could ever receive. "It'll be alright. No matter what happens to me, I know this is the right thing to do." He pulled away from you and smiled, holding your hands delicately. "You are a wonderful friend, and a true reflection of what Heaven should be. I don't want you to worry anymore. I can't get in any worse trouble than I've already been in before, right?" he laughed.

His golden eyes shined brightly; you loved the way he lit up when he told you about his dreams. You finally smiled back at him. "Thank you, Lucifer. I trust you completely. When will you return to Earth?"

"Tomorrow," he responded. "Lilith and I will meet with Eve. She seems like she would be more receptive to the idea than Adam. Perhaps she could convince him afterwards!" With a wave of his hand, a shiny, glowing red apple appeared in his palm. "This is my gift to humanity. It's the least I can provide."

You leaned in and planted a tiny peck to his pale cheek. "Please be careful," you whispered.

A light golden blush dashed across his cheeks. "O-Of course." He turned around slowly, opening the door and was about to leave when he turned back to look at you. "I'll be back tomorrow after it's done. Don't miss me too much!" With that, Lucifer walked out, leaving you alone in your room once more.

You couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of dread.

****

“GUILTY!” All of the courtroom angles shouted in unison.

"SERA, PLEASE DON'T DO THIS!" you cried out, your arms and body being restrained by archangels.

Lucifer had succeeded, he had given the fruit of knowledge to Eve. But everything had shattered. Her acceptance of free will had caused darkness to enter the world. Evil now had free reign on Earth. And the ones responsible were about to face the consequences. Lucifer and Lilith were surrounded by Heaven’s forces in the courtroom, spears encircling them, backed into a corner with no hope of fleeing.

"Keep her away," Sera ordered the guards from her pedestal, refusing to turn in your direction. "Lucifer. Lilith. Your reckless act of providing free will to humans has caused creation's downfall. You will both be punished for your transgressions."

You watched as Lucifer shielded Lilith with his magnificent wings with little regard for his own well-being. "S-Sera, please listen to me!" he pleaded. "This isn't what I wanted! Lilith had nothing to do with this, this was my fault! I-I only tried to-"

"SILENCE!" Sera's voice boomed. "As far as Heaven is concerned, you are both responsible. As punishment, you will be sent down into the dark pit you have created. You will never again step foot in Heaven, forever separated from this holy place. The humans who abuse your gift will join you after their death, sharing in your fate. You WILL understand the gravity of your misdeed."

You couldn't handle hearing another word. You mustered all of your strength and were able to break free of the guards' hold on you. You flew as fast as you could, now standing between the doomed lovers and the angelic spears.

"Sera, you can't let them do this!" you begged. "Lucifer only wanted what was best for humanity!"

"And look what his gift has brought," Sera remarked. "He was warned, and you would be wise to move aside."

"If you cast them out, you'll have to cast me out too!" you challenged, barring your teeth, your angelic eyes peering out from your hair. Tears ran down your cheeks at the thought of never seeing your home again. But you were prepared to make that sacrifice.

Sera's eyes narrowed at your words. "What did you know of this?"

"NOTHING!" Lucifer shouted. His hand found its way to your shoulder and managed to push you behind him where Lilith stood trembling. "She didn't know anything! She's only trying to protect me!"

"Lucifer! You can't-" you tried to protest, but you felt a hand cover your mouth. You peered over to Lilith who shook her head solemnly.

"I didn't tell her what I was planning to do," Lucifer continued. "She had nothing to do with this. Please, spare her..."

Sera sighed and soared down to meet the three of you. The spears were lifted away from you, the gaudy splitting to make way for the high seraphim. "Consider this a final act of grace." Her gaze made her way towards your glassy eyes. "I'm sorry, but this is the way it has to be. We will discuss this later." Sera had vanished in a flash and a new portal had suddenly appeared behind you. You peered behind you, seeing nothing but a red barren landscape that struck fear in your heart.

You were petrified. You didn't know what would become of your friend or Lilith, but you knew you were powerless to stop it. Your body gave up, falling to your knees with a thud. Your head sank and you began to weep.

"I'm sorry Lucifer, I'm so sorry," your hoarse voice barely carrying.

"Don't you dare apologize," your friend responded, kneeling down next to you. "This was not your doing."

"B-But..."

"Lilith and I will be alright." You knew he was lying. You shook your head in response. "You have to remain in Heaven. They need you here. And so do I." You raised you head, at least meeting Lucifer's pleading eyes. "I will miss you, my dear friend. Please forgive me." You felt the pull of the portal begin to force all of you towards its bleak destination. The guards’ angelic spears were once again at your throats. There was no escape. Lucifer hugged you tight, only for him to pull you up suddenly and push you away from the portal with a hard shove. You weren’t able to find your balance and found yourself back on the courtroom floor. “Go! Now!” he yelled out to you before disappearing into the abyss.

All you could hear was their screams as they fell.

****

Days turned into month, months turned into years, years turned into decades, and decades turned into centuries. Not a day passed when you didn’t think about him. It took a few millennia before you stopped crying every day. Even the thought of mentioning his name caused your anguish. But now, you were numb. You went about your duties as instructed, but your will to dream and create had all but vanished. It wasn’t the same without him there. And now you were a perfect virtue, always did as she was told, never straying, and never questioning. You were broken. Even more so when you had mistakenly learned about the extermination of demons led by Adam and his soldiers.

No one was allowed to know, not even Emily, who had become the closest thing to a friend you’ve had since Lucifer’s fall. She was the one who helped you through your darkest moments. Her pure joy was enough to pull you out of your deepest pits of despair. For a little while at least. Your sadness never truly left you. It was like a black hole that could never be filled and could never truly be satisfied.

Your heart sank from the devastating revelation. You knew deep down that this was wrong; the slaughter of souls that were already doomed for eternity. They didn’t deserve that fate. But there was nothing you could do. What could you do? So, you stayed silent.

That is until one day, you learned of the arrival of Princess Morningstar's arrival to heaven.

You had known Lucifer had a child with Lilith, Charlotte. There was a great panic in Heaven, concerned over what a child of Lucifer could mean for both of the unearthly realms. But the last two hundred or so years had brought nothing. Until today. You had seen her walking alongside Sera and Emily on the promenade, as well as another person who looked awfully familiar to you, but you couldn't quite place where you'd seen her before. It was odd considering you had never met a sinner before. You wanted to follow them but had caught Adam and Lute discussing the demonic pair amongst themselves and thought it best to avoid fanning the flames of an already tense situation. After waiting some time and asking around, you learned the princess was visiting the zoo. You'd flown there as fast as your wings could carry you. After circling the enclosures, you spotted the princess gawking at one of the koalas that had fallen asleep in its tree. Luckily, you didn't see any signs of anybody else around her. Silently, you landed behind her, now realizing you hadn't thought about what to say. You sucked in a breath and took one step closer.

"Charlotte Morningstar?" you practically whispered. The princess turned her head cautiously at the sound of her name. "I'm sorry to bother you but-"

"Oh, hi there!" she beamed at you, using both of her hands to shake one of yours, your body jerking slightly with each motion. "And you can call me Charlie!"

"Charlie," you repeated. You took your time studying the princess in front of you. Her golden hair and pale face with rosy cheeks stuck out to you the most, as well as her genuine and unadulterated smile. She truly a reflection of her father. "You look...so much like him."

"My dad?" she questioned. "Yeah, I get that a lot!"

You shook you head, finally breaking eye contact and letting go of her hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stare. Your father and I, we...we were really close when he was here. He was my best friend. I was there the day he..." you couldn't find it in you to finish your sentence. "I tried my best to help, to save him. But he saved me instead. I should have been cast out with him." Your voice drifted off. You could feel tears began to prick your eyes. "This was a mistake, I shouldn't have come, I should go-"

"Wait!" You felt a hard tug on your wrist as you tried to step away. "Please don't leave! I'm sorry if I upset you in any way!"

The utter compassion and sincerity in her voice felt like a stake to the heart. You fell to your knees, not being able to hold back the tears any longer. Charlie kneeled next to you, wrapping you in a tight embrace. This felt all too familiar. "I'm s-so sorry. This...this isn't your burden to bear."

"It's alright," Charlie soothed, "it's okay to cry. To feel sad. Your feelings are nothing to be ashamed of." She unwrapped her arms from around you and placed them on your shoulders, now lifting your head to see her empathetic stare. "My dad...he never really talked about his life here in Heaven. I imagine it's painful for him to think about, just like it is for you." Charlie swiped her thumb across your cheek to catch a tear that had fallen. "But I'm happy to know that he had a friend like you who cares about him as much as you do. I'm more than glad to have met you, so now we can be friends too! That is, if you want that."

A small smile spread on your face as you reached out to return her hug. "Yes," you replied, "I'd like that, Charlie. More than you know. You really are your father's daughter. Sweet, and kind, and caring." You felt Charlie's arms around you once more, the tears at last beginning to dry. You pulled away and cleaned the rest of your face with your sleeve. "If I can ask, why are you here? Not the zoo, but, in Heaven, I mean."

"Oh! Yes!," Charlie shot up straight, offering her hand out to help you up as well. "My dad got me a meeting with Sera! I'm running a hotel in Hell right now in order to rehabilitate sinners! I want to convince them that redemption is possible so that they can have a long fulfilling afterlife here!"

"Redemption..." you pondered aloud. "Do you think it's possible?"

"IIIIIIIIIIIIII don't know," Charlie admitted. "We haven't really had a successful case...yet! But I'm hopeful! We have a few patrons already who are making great progress! I'm presenting my case to Sera and the council soon, and I'm hoping I can persuade them!"

Charlie had just given you much to process. The idea of redeeming sinners had not once crossed your mind. It almost seemed too big of a dream, and knowing Heaven's attitude towards the demons in Hell, you were weary of how Sera and the rest of the court would react to such a proposal despite Charlie's seemingly boundless optimism. Another well intentioned idea from a starry-eyed dreamer shot down and ridiculed by Heaven; the parallels were impossible to ignore.

"Charlie, no matter what, know you have an ally in me," you told her. "Whether or not Sera and the others choose to listen, I believe in you, as I believed in your father all those years ago. I know for a fact Emily will listen to you. You remind me of her, she's a good soul."

"Thank you," Charlie smiled. Suddenly, an alarm sounded from Charlie's pocket. "Oh geez, the meeting! I have to go!" Charlie gave you one last quick hug before she darted off towards Heaven's courtroom, waving to you as she ran. "I'll see you later! Oh! And I'll tell my dad I had the chance to meet you!" she called out! You tried to wave back, but she didn't see you as she sprinted away.

That was the last time you saw the princess of Hell.

****

It's been a month since your conversation with Charlie and with each passing day, your anger had risen. Emily had told you that Sera had ignored Charlie's proposal, that she now knew about the exterminations that have been taking place, and how Adam had threatened to attack her and the hotel as he forced her out of the courtroom and back to Hell. In turn, you had told Emily about your brief conversation with the princess on the same day. Thankfully, the two of you were on the same page and decided that you were going to fight for Charlie. You had asked Emily if she could make arrangements to meet with Sera privately to discuss the matter. Of course, the only time Sera agreed to meet was the same day as the extermination. You spent so much of the day collecting your thoughts and practicing your speech that you didn't realize you were running late for the meeting. You flew across the city, barging through the front doors and making your way up to Sera's office in the blink of an eye. You swung open the doors in a panic.

"I'm sorry I'm late Sera, I was-" you began to apologize until you realized that the was their attention was not on you. You turned your head and noticed another angel in the room. He was slender, tall, and was wearing an incredibly unique hat. It was easy to tell by the look on his face that he was confused and a bit startled by your sudden entrance. Perhaps he was a new soul, but he didn't look like a soul you've ever seen.

"Oh, hello to you assss well," the new angel greeted you with his unique accent, his forked tongue slipping between his teeth.

Before you could respond, Emily shrieked stood up excitedly, rushing over to greet him. “Hi there! I’m Emily! Or you can call me Em or Emmy! It doesn’t matter, I’m fine with whatever! Welcome to Heaven!”

You looked over at Sera who had not moved since you entered the room. Her face was a strange mix of horrified and uncertain. Sera remained motionless as Emily refused to contain her unbridled joy.

“I recognize you!” she exclaimed. “You were the one in the club with your friends in Hell!”

“Wait, in Hell?” you chimed in. “How do you…”

Emily flew over to you suddenly, pulling your body closer to the stranger. “He was one of the residents of Charlie’s hotel! We saw him while she was pleading her case to the court!”

“Emily, wait,” Sera finally spoke up, but Emily ignored her. And so did you.

“What’s your name?,” you asked him.

The angel smiled and bowed before you. “I am Sir Pentiousss, a pleasure to meet you!” He straightened back up, looking around the room curiously. “I’m terribly sssorry to ask, but where am I? I don’t recall how I came to be here. I was in my airship, ready to take on that dastardly angel, the one with that obnoxiousss guitar. And in a sudden flash of light, I was here!” His eyes grew into saucers, gripping onto his hat. “My friendsss! I have to get back to them, they’re in danger!”

You watched as he slithered back and forth across the room, mumbling to himself when it all hit you at once. This soul was a sinner. He was in Hell. And he was someone who was staying at Charlie’s hotel. The one meant to save lost souls.

“You were redeemed,” you finally spoke.

"What?!" the three angels asked in unison.

"Emily, don't you see?" you asked, reaching down to grab her hands. "This was Charlie's plan all along!" You turned to look at the redeemed soul. "Sir Pentious, I think you may have been killed."

"But I wasss already dead, my dear," he responded.

"Yes, but only souls who have passed on can face divine judgement," you explained. "Whatever you had done must have sent you here!"

You and Emily looked at each other and smiled, now hovering in the air. “He was a sinner!” Emily belted. “But now he’s here! He’s here in Heaven! Charlie’s hotel works! She was-”

“That's enough!” Sera cut in unexpectedly. You and Emily frowned; your feet placed firmly on the ground again. "You two need to leave, now. I will handle this matter."

"But Sera-" Emily tried to reason.

"Please do not question me, Emily," Sera warned, "remember what I had told you."

Emily hung her head and sighed, starting to make her way towards the door, still holding onto your hand. but you refused to budge when she had tugged on your arm.

"No," you replied sternly through your gritted teeth.

Sera narrowed her eyes at your defiance. "I'm not asking. It would be in your best interest to do as your told. You were already pardoned once before. Don't make this worse than it has to be."

You took to the air and were now at eye level with the high seraphim, a righteous anger surging through you. "I'm done listening to you," you spat. "I should have been cast down with Lucifer that day. He told me everything, I knew what he had planned. He protected me and not a day goes by where I don't regret not staying by his side. I did nothing to stop him because I knew he was right in giving humans free will. And now I can see Charlie was right in her quest to redeem souls. You were wrong back then, Sera, and you're wrong now!"

Sera's angelic eyes appeared; her anger peaked to its boiling point. "Emily, take the new soul and leave immediately."

Not wanting to anger her further, Emily took ahold of Sir Pentious's hand and rushed him towards the door. You caught a glimpse of her teary expression as she looked back at you. I'll be okay, you mouthed to her, but you knew it was a lie. When the door finally closed, you glared back at Sera with a fiery intensity that you never knew you were capable of.

"You know the punishment for an act of defiance," Sera spoke sternly.

"I should have fallen eons ago," you retorted, holding back you sobs. "Do it, Sera, cast me to the pits of Hell!"

"So be it."

****

You don’t know how long you were lying there in the crater you created all you knew is that you were in a tremendous amount of pain. Your eyes fluttered open, now feeling the rocky heard ground beneath you. Languidly, you tried to pull yourself up, your arms shaking under your weight. But it was no use, your strength had left you and you fell back to the floor with a thud. You fought to keep your eyes open, doing anything to stay conscious. Feeling a strange stickiness on your face, you reached up to touch it, only to pull your hand back to see your golden angelic blood leaking from an open gash.

But beneath that blood was something that made your heart stop completely. Your hands had turned a charcoal black with razor sharp claws jutting out of each fingertip. The color ran all the way up your forearm, stopping just past your elbow. It was as if you had been held over a raging fire.

"What in the...OW!" you tried to say, but you felt a sharp pain on your tongue. Tentatively, you pressed a finger to your mouth only to pull away instantly. Your teeth, once perfect and smooth, had now all been replaced by razor sharp fangs. Your brain was working overtime, trying desperately to comprehend these drastic changes to your new form. But another problem was on the horizon.

In the distance, you heard distant chatter, but it was growing louder and louder by the second. With what little strength you had, you lifted your head to see a group and black-eyed demons headed directly towards you.

“Help, please…” you called out weakly, your voice barely a whisper.

In no time, the demons encircled your near lifeless body. A pit grew in your stomach as you noticed their glistening teeth and ravenous smiles.

“Fresh meat!” you heard one of them declare.

“Bet she tastes heavenly,” you heard another say.

Tears began to prick your eyes, knowing full well you couldn’t fight these demons off. You closed your eyes and awaited your fate when you heard another voice call out to the hungry cannibals.

“What’s all this commotion about now?” you heard a voice say. Your eyes shot open to see a tall woman dressed as if she was from the prohibition era standing right above you. She kneeled down before you, placing a hand under your chin. “Well, well, well, what do we have here? An angel,” she sang out, “but you’re different, ain’t ya? You’re not one of them exorcists.”

“Please,” you choked out, “…need to find the princess. Charlie…have to tell her…she was right…”

Everything went black.

You awoke sometime later, now finding yourself lying on a sofa in a lavish pink room. Your head was pounding, you reached your hand up to your forehead. But instead of skin, you felt something else. You realized then that someone had wrapped gauze around your wound. But who?

“Ahh, good! You’re finally awake!,” a familiar voice rang out. “You really had quite the fall, huh dearie?”

You sat up slowly, feeling every ache and pain from before. You turned to the woman who had been sitting across the room sipping some tea from for porcelain cup. She gave you a sharp smile, sending a shiver down your spine.

“W-Who are you?,” you asked nervously. “And where am I?”

“How forward of ya,” the woman shot back, “I like it! Name’s Rosie, a pleasure to meet ya, darlin’. And right now, you’re in cannibal town! You’re lucky I was there when the townsfolk found ya, could have been a real blood bath, let me tell ya!”

You gulped, realizing that you were almost killed, and you had just arrived in Hell. “I’m sorry, t-thank you,” you stuttered. "But...why did you save me?"

“Oh, don’t worry about it, sweetheart, it’s water under the bridge!” Rosie assured. She stood up and made her way over, sitting on the couch next to you. “And let's just say I have a hunch. There's something about ya but I can't place my finger on it just yet. Now, what’s an angel like you doing all the way down here?”

“I…I disobeyed Heaven’s orders,” you answered. “I told them that they were wrong, and I dared them to cast me out. And they made good on their promise.”

Rosie smiled and wrapped her arm around your shoulders, pulling you incredibly close to her. “I knew I liked ya! That’s some real moxie ya got! Defying Heaven takes guts! You and the princess got a lot in common it seems.”

“Charlie!” you nearly shouted, pulling away from Rosie and standing up a little too fast. Dizziness hit you instantly and you shut your eyes, attempting to regain some balance. “I have to find Charlie! Do you know where she is?”

“Sure do!” Rosie beamed. “She and her father are over there at their new ritzy hotel they just finished buildin’. It’s just on the outside of the city, ya can’t miss it! That old one crumbled faster than a tower of cards in a hurricane!”

“Her father is there?” you asked, unable to hide the flush on your face.

“Oh, I’d know that look anywhere,” Rosie smirked. “Someone is really smitten for the king, am I right?”

“N-No!” you pushed back. “That’s…that’s not it at all! I-I…”

“Come now, dearie! Ol’ Rosie here is an expert in the romance department! Sit back down and tell me all about it!” She patted the cushion next to her, inviting you back next to her. With a defeated sigh, you took a seat next to the cannibal overlord. “Now, what’s your relationship with the big boss of Hell? I’m dying to know!”

You sucked in a deep breath. “I knew him before, you know, the creation of this place.”

Rosie raised an eyebrow. “Just knew him?”

You shook your head. “No. He was…he was my closest friend. He saved me the day he fell. And not a day has gone by where I haven’t missed him.” You wrapped your arms around yourself at you vulnerability in front of this demon who’d you only just met. “But it doesn’t matter, Rosie. He’s with Lilith and I’d never think of coming between them.”

“Oh, sweet pea, don’t you know?” Rosie asked curiously. “Well, I guess maybe ya wouldn’t. But him and the Queen called it quits a few years ago.”

“What?!” you looked at her in shock.

“Yeah! I don’t know all the details, but trust me, I’m always on top of the hot gossip ‘round here,” she winked. “But he’s a free man, that’s what’s important here! I want ya to shoot your shot!”

The flood of this new revelation made your head spin. The way Lucifer used to talk about Lilith made it seem like they were fated to be together forever, like nothing could ever separate them. You found yourself standing up and pacing the floor back and forth, trying to decide your next move.

“I appreciate the encouragement, Rosie, I really do, but…” you hesitated before speaking again, “my main focus is finding Charlie and telling her what I know. She deserves that much. Everything else can come later.”

Rosie gave you a soft smile. “Strong morals, but I shouldn’t expect anything less from an angel! Good on ya, darlin’.” The cannibal overlord stood up with you and took your hands in hers. “Buuuutttt since you’re likely gonna see the king anyway, how’s about we find ya some new clothes, hmm? The ones you have now are just a bit tattered.”

It was then you realized you never thought to check the robe you had been wearing. Rosie was right, of course. Your robes looked like it had been torn to shreds, countless holes littering the fabric.

“Oh…” was all you could say.

“Don’t you worry,” Rosie reassured, “I have just the thing for ya!”

In a flash, Rosie had returned with a knee length red dress with black lacy patters and some classy black flats for your bare feet. You were a little nervous, never once changing out of your normal robe attire. It would definitely show off more of your body than you ever have before. Rosie led you to a private room to change into your new outfit. But once you removed your all but ruined robe, you noticed even more changes. Your legs now matched your arms, blackened, and burnt to just above your knees where it faded into your familiar pale gray skin. You frowned at the sight, but decided to focus on changing instead, knowing you would have plenty of time later to reflect on your new and somewhat startling appearance. You found Rosie again who began to clap in utter excitement!

“Oh, it’s perfect!” Rosie complimented, “aren’t you just a looker! I knew that dress would go great with your eyes!”

You stared back at her in confusion. “My eyes?”

“Go see for yourself!” Rosie said, pointing over to the tall mirror in the corner of her room.

You shuffled over and stood in front of it, only to jump back in surprise when you saw a pair of two blood red eyes glaring back at you. After the initial shock, you hesitantly took a step closer. You noticed your once pink irises had turned pale white with your pitch-black pupils now slit like a serpent’s. You felt tears beginning to fill your new demonic eyes.

“Oh, sweetheart, don’t cry,” Rosie soothed as she walked over, placing her clawed hand on your shoulder. “Ya might just be the prettiest thing in Hell!”

“I look like a monster!” you bawled, wrapping yourself in your arms.

Rosie turned you away from the mirror and gently brushed a tear that had fallen on your cheek. “Ya know what I think?,” Rosie asked. “I think that’s the Heaven in ya talkin’. Sure, ya might look a little different, but honey, I've met my fair share of monsters and trust me, you ain't one of them. Now c'mon, no more waterworks, okay?" With a shaky breath, you nodded and wiped away the rest of your tears. "There ya go! Now, you better get goin'! I'm sure your prince charmin' would be over the moon if he saw ya!"

"Rosie!" you squeaked out, your face now feeling incredibly hot. "Umm, t-thank you, for everything."

"Oh, don't mention it! Any friend of Charlie's is a friend of mine!" She escorted you to a back door so as to not draw attention and to keep you away from the potential dangers emitting from the ravenous residents. "You just come back anytime you need somethin', okay hon? I'm rootin' for ya!"

With a final smile and nod, you summoned your wings and took to the crimson sky. But it didn't take long for you to notice that your wings had changed too. At this point, you weren't surprised anymore. The light pink coloring of your wings had darkened to a deep maroon. You sighed heavily, silently praying that this would be the last change your new body surprised you with. After gaining enough height in the air, you noticed a brightly lit tower just on the edge of the city, just where Rosie said it would be. You flew there as fast as your wings could carry you. You fought past the lingering pain and soreness you still felt coursing through your body to now hover over the illuminating structure.

Despite the grandness of the hotel, it seemed a little too quiet for comfort. Your eyes scanned the surrounding area for any signs of life but there were none to be found. But with your cursory glance, a familiar shape had caught your attention. On one side of the building was a large structure covered in yellow tinted glass in the shape of what appeared to be an apple. Even after all these years, you could never forget that fateful day when you were shown the gift that would set everything into motion. You knew what that symbol was, and you knew who it was made to represent. Without realizing, you had drifted closer and closer to the symbol of destruction. With a hard gulp, you pressed your face to the glass and peered inside, not knowing whether or not you wanted to find what, or who, you were looking for. It was a lavish bedroom to be sure, covered in various reds and golds with a way too large bed to complete the look. To your relief and disappointment, it appeared that the room was empty. You sighed and were about to turn around when all of a sudden, you noticed a small reflection in the glass. Someone was behind you.

"You know, it's pretty rude to spy on people," the familiar voice chastised. You froze in the air completely, knowing exactly who had snuck up on you. "Not sure what you were thinking coming back here, really not the brightest idea if you ask me. I thought I told you and your friends to go-" you spun around, tears flowing from your eyes. Lucifer's frustrated expression softened immediately. "-home...".

You fought through your tears as you tried to speak, trying desperately to control them. "Lucifer?" you finally managed to choke out. He was different. His eyes were now a pale yellow and his pure white wings now ruby red. His teeth and hands reflected your own. Yes, he was different, but it was him. It was your best friend.

"No...No, it can't be..." he murmured to himself. You found yourself unable to move while Lucifer flew closer and closer to you until he was inches away. Your breath hitched when his hand found its way to your cheek, wiping away the nonstop tears. "Is it really you?"

"Yes, it's me," you breathed.

Lucifer's eyes welled up immediately at your confirmation. A small squeak escaped your lips when he suddenly had both of his arms around you, holding you as close to him as possible in a tight embrace. You smiled and returned the gesture, unable to stop yourself from sobbing into the crook of his neck. You two hung in the air for a few minutes, somehow laughing and crying at the same time before either of you pulled apart. But Lucifer's smile faded all too quickly once he began to rake his eyes over your new form.

"No, no, no, no, no, God, please no!" Lucifer pleaded. "Please...please don't tell me you..." You looked away from him, ashamed to admit what had happened. But your silence was all the answer he needed. "No..." he whispered. "No, this isn't right! You shouldn't be here! You don't belong down here! How could Sera do this?! I swear I'm going to..."

"Lucifer!" you snapped, grabbing ahold of his hands. "It's going to be alright. Please don't do anything rash."

Lucifer anxiously squeezed your hands. "But...But this isn't-I mean, you..." His words failed him, lowering his head in defeat. "I've missed you...so much..."

You lifted his head up and pressed a soft kiss to Lucifer's cheek, noticing a soft blush on his cheeks as you pulled away. "I missed you too, more than I can possibly describe. But this was meant to be. I told Sera to cast me here."

Lucifer stared at you with his mouth agape. "What?! Why?!"

"It was the only way I could help," you answered. "There's something I need to tell Charlie. Something happened that could change the fate of everything. And I’ve chosen my side. I chose it a long time ago.”

Lucifer remained somber, unable to process the new reality he found himself in. “I never should have involved you with my plan for Eden. You’re here because of me whether you believe that or not. I’d despise me if I were you.” Lucifer pulled away from you, making his way up to the roof of his roof, sitting down and pulling his legs to his chest only to bury his head into them.

You frowned, following closely behind. “I could never,” you replied quietly, taking your place next to him. “My fall was not your fault.”

“Yes, it is,” Lucifer shot back. “You wouldn’t have fallen if there was no Hell to begin with! Everyone down here abused the gift that I gave them and now they’re damned for all eternity! What a gift free will turned out to be…” Lucifer hid himself underneath his enormous wings, cocooning himself away from your gaze.

Tentatively, your hand stretched out to comb through his scarlet feathers until you could see him again. "Lucifer, please look at me." He sighed and turned his head slightly. "I told you I believed in you all those years ago, and I still do. Nothing has changed. And it's not as hopeless as you make it out to be. Lucifer, Charlie's hotel works. A soul in Hell was redeemed."

Lucifer's head snapped up in an instant, his wings disappearing immediately. "Wait, wait, wait, hold on!" he nearly shouted, gripping onto your shoulders. "Are you sure? I mean, are you absolutely sure? N-Not that I don't believe you but...do you know the soul's name?"

You nodded. "He said his name was Sir Pentious. Emily said that he was a resident here and-"

"Sera was there, wasn't she?" Lucifer interjected. You nodded again. "You stood up for him, didn't you? You tried to protect him...just like you tried to protect me when..." his voice trailed off. It was at this moment you realized how close his face had gotten to yours.

"Y-Yes," you responded shakily, your voice betraying your calm demeanor. This didn't go unnoticed by Lucifer, however. He swallowed hard.

"I-I..." he stammered. "I never got to thank you for that day. You put yourself in harm's way and I'll never forgive myself for forcing you into that situation."

"But you didn't-" you tried to say, but Lucifer had put a finger up to your lips. Your heart was racing at a million beats per minutes at this point and you knew Lucifer could tell. Your face had never felt hotter.

"I'm never going to allow you to blame yourself for any of this." Lucifer dropped his hand away from your lips, but you remained silent, as if your voice had suddenly vanished. "You were-are-my closest friend and...and I..." Lucifer's voice gave up as well, leaning in closer and closer, watching as his eyelids fell with every movement.

"Lucifer..." you breathed, not realizing your upper body gravitating towards him as well. Your eyelids fell shut.

"Dad? Dad, are you out here?", you heard a faint voice call out below. Both of you froze, feeling his hot breath on your parted lips. After a few seconds, you opened your eyes and shot up straight, refusing to look at your friend.

"W-We should go," you finally managed to say. "Charlie needs to know what's happened." But before Lucifer could respond, you leaped off of the building, vanishing from his sight.

"Huh..." Lucifer huffed out. It wasn't long before he dove after you.

There was definitely a conversation to be had later.

Despite leaving first, Lucifer passed you easily, giving you a small wink on the way down. It didn't really seem fair; his six wings gave him a much larger advantage when it came to speed compared to your two. He landed gracefully in front of the hotel while you followed close behind.

"Oh dad, there you are!" Charlie beamed, "I was-" she paused as she saw you land. "Oh, hello again!" the princess greeted as she ran over to embrace you. "It's so nice to see you! I-wait...how...how did you get here?"

You sighed deeply. "Charlie, there's something you need to know."

Charlie pulled away; a bit confused by your words. But after she took a closer look at you, her usual smiling face had shifted into one of sadness. "Oh, oh no...did Heaven...?" You nodded. "Oh gosh, I'm so sorry! Are you alright? Are you hurt? Do you need anything? I don't know what we have in term of medical supplies but I'm sure we can find something! Just wait right here, I'll..."

"Charlie, dear, hold on," Lucifer gently reached out to grab her wrist.

"I'm alright, Charlie," you reassured her. "I'm still sore in some places but I'll recover. But listen, you need to know this. It's the reason I'm down here, Heaven didn't appreciate what I had to say."

"What is it?" she asked nervously.

"Sir Pentious, he made to Heaven," you smiled. "Your hotel works."

"You were right, kiddo," Lucifer added. Charlie stood there motionless with a vacant expression. You and Lucifer looked at each other with a bit of concern. "Charlie, sweetie, are you alright?"

She began to sob uncontrollably. "P-Pentious is okay?..." she squeaked out. "I-I thought..."

You and Lucifer embraced Charlie as she bawled. "It's alright," you comforted, "he's alright. You did it, Charlie! Heaven won't be able to dismiss you anymore." You and Lucifer exchanged a weary look unbeknownst to Charlie. While that may be the truth, there's no telling how Heaven may respond now. And considering where you were at the moment, it wasn't looking good.

Charlie sniffled some more before calming down enough to be able to breathe normally again. "I have to tell everyone! I'll call a meeting right now. No, wait!" She turned to you and grab your hands enthusiastically. "Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I owe you so much! Anything you need is yours; you just ask! Let's start by getting you a room here; you're a part of our family now! Come on, I have the perfect-"

"Wait, Charlie!" her father called after her. "Would you mind if we caught up with you later? She and I, uhh, have some things to discuss first, if that's alright." You shot Lucifer a nervous glance, but he pretended not to notice.

"Oh, yeah, of course!" his daughter chirped. "I'm sure you guys have a ton to catch up on! I'll see you guys at dinner!" With that, Charlie sprinted towards the front entrance, calling out to the woman who had been standing in the doorway. You recognized her as the one who was with Charlie that day in heaven. You smiled as you watched the princess lift her up to twirl her around. You were so busy watching them that you didn't realize a portal had been summoned behind you. With a slight tug, Lucifer gently grabbed your hand and walked you through it. It took you only a moment to realize he had taken you back to the bedroom that you were spying on only a few minutes ago. Lucifer let go of your hand and took a seat on the edge of his bed, hanging his head low.

"So..." Lucifer sighed.

"So..." you repeated.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he began, "I shouldn't have..."

"Oh..." your heart sank as he spoke. "It-It's fine, Lucifer, you d-don't..." You couldn't stop the tears that began to form in your eyes.

Lucifer looked up at you suddenly in a panic as you tried to muffle your quiet sobs. "Oh, God! No, no, no, I didn't mean it like that!" He stood up rapidly and wiped away the tears that had started to fall. "I'm such an idiot, I should have phrased that better!" You took a few deep breaths, allowing him to try and explain. "It's not that I didn't want to...umm...b-but I do! I very much do! I just-damn it, why am I so bad at this?!"

Your tears stopped as you listened to your friend. But it only took you a moment to realize why he had apologized in the first place.

"It's Lilith, isn't it?" you asked softly."

Lucifer looked at you surprised. "Yes. And no. It's...complicated. She and I..."

"I know," you whispered.

"Wait, you know?" he questioned, "How?"

You turned and took a few steps back from him. "I didn't exactly fall from Heaven in this outfit. Someone kind helped me, and they told me about..." you cut yourself short, not wanting to upset him further.

Lucifer let out a sign of relief, clutching his chest. "Oh, thank Heaven! I mean, uhh, you know what, never mind. I'm just relieved! I was panicking for the last few minutes because I thought you were still under the impression that I was taken!"

You smiled, crossing your arms over your chest. "You still have such a way with words, don't you?"

"Some things never change," he joked, rubbing the back of his neck. "But now I'm curious. How exactly did I become a topic of conversation with this 'friend' of yours?"

Your face burned at the question, and you turned to look out the window at the blood red sky. "I don't think we need to talk about it," you dismissed.

"Oh, I think we absolutely do!" he challenged. Your eyes focused on his reflection in the window. He'd gotten much closer than he was before.

"It's nothing, really!" you responded as you turned around to finally face him. "I asked where I could find Charlie and my friend told me that you and her were both at the hotel and...I told her-"

"That you wanted to kiss your best friend?" Lucifer smirked as he finished the sentence for you."

"Gah!" you through your hands up in embarrassment and made your way away from the window and back over to the bed. "You're the worst, you know that? No, I didn't say that! She just...took a guess..."

Lucifer had followed you over to where you were standing. "And did you deny it?" You looked down at the ground, wrapping yourself in your arms. "Thought so. Because if memory serves, you leaned in to kiss me."

"You leaned in first!" you snapped back.

"Aha! So, you admit it! You did lean in!" Lucifer shouted triumphantly.

"Fine!" you yelled back in defeat, "So what if I did?"

Your question hung in the air as the room feel silent. That was until Lucifer moved towards you, each step emitting a nearly inaudible echo. He brought his hands up to cup your face, caressing your cheeks with his thumbs. Your breath hitched as you stared into his alluring eyes. "Well, if that’s the case," he murmured as his head tilted closer, pressing his forehead to yours "you wouldn’t mind if I leaned into you like this again, would you?"

Your eyes fluttered shut in an instant with your hands now wrapped around his neck, giving into his temptations at last. Your lips finally connected as you melted into his touch. His lips were soft, and gentle, just like you always imagined they would be. Lucifer moved one hand to your waist, pulling you flush against chest while the other snaked around to the back of your head, holding your face as close to his as he possibly could. You pulled away for a moment to catch your breath but felt an odd tingling sensation in your lower back. Without warning, your felt something spring out from behind, squeaking in surprise. It wrapped itself around yourself and Lucifer, pulling you together at your waists as if it had a mind of its own.

"W-Wow, that's certainly a reaction to a single kiss. I must say, it's quite bold of you, darling," Lucifer laughed.

As much as you wanted to call out his use of pet names, your focus had gone to your brand now appendage you saw poking out behind you. "Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" you groaned. "A tail? Seriously?!" You looked back at Lucifer mouth agape. "I-I'm sorry! I-I promise I didn't do that on purpose! I didn't even know I had-" Lucifer silenced your panicked apology with a quick peck on the lips.

"I promise I'm only teasing," Lucifer smiled. "And don't worry, you'll get used to it. It only tends to appear when you summon it or if you're feeling…intense emotions.” He cleared his throat. “But it might take a while to get full control.”

You raised an eyebrow. "You say that like you have personal experience." Lucifer's eyes wandered away from yours. "Oh..." You were able to will your tail enough to release its grip on the both of you. “Can you show me?”

“Very bold…” Lucifer gave you a small smirk. "Are you sure that's the only thing you want me to show you?" he chuckled, poking his tongue out between his sharp teeth. Your brain took a second to process his words as you became a bit distracted by his forked muscle.

"Lucifer!" You shook your head and pushed away from him, feeling your tail once again take control and wrap itself around your leg. You could feel your cheeks burning at the thought of his implications. “I swear, I will walk out that door right now!”

“Kidding!” Lucifer threw up his hands in defense. “I’m sorry, that was mean of me. I know you’re nervous. And to be completely honest, I am too. I know I’m coming off like I know exactly what I’m doing, but my heart feels like it's about to beat out of my chest. The last thing I want to do is scare you away.” He gave you a soft look, and you noticed his painted cheeks had a noticeable yellow tint to them now. Your tail uncurled itself again as you stepped towards him once again.

“I forgive you,” you say sweetly, pecking his lips. “You’d never be able to scare me away, Lucifer. And you know, it’s not like…God, I can’t believe I’m actually going to admit this to you…” you sucked in a hard breath. “It’s not like I haven’t thought about…what else you could show me…”

Lucifer’s eyes seemed to glaze over at your confession. “You…you can’t say things like that…”

“Why n-ahh!” You found yourself forcibly pressed against his hips again. You turned around to see your tail hadn’t been the culprit this time. It was Lucifer’s that bound you two together. You felt like you were going to explode any second now.

“It’s dangerous." Lucifer murmured against your ear. Suddenly you found it extremely difficult to swallow.

"For you or for me?" He didn't answer, refusing to meet your gaze. "I uhh, I like your tongue, by the way." you blurted out without thinking, trying to steer the conversation into a more lighthearted one. Lucifer smiled and rolled his eyes. “Hey, I’m trying to give you a compliment here! I’ve had so many…changes, I didn’t even think about my own…”

"I can check it for you, if you'd like," Lucifer teased. Before you could answer, he captured your lips again, but this time with much more fervor. His tongue darted out between his lips and flicked it against yours, begging for entrance. Slowly, your jaw slacked, and you parted your lips. You felt his tongue makes its way into your hot mouth, entangling it with your own. You moaned into him as you let him explore your chasm, pressing into you as far as he possibly could. It still wasn't enough. His hands roamed your body with one landing at the small of your back, the other finding it's place on your hip. Your hands did some exploring of their own, wandering to his chest and unbuttoning his jacket first and then his shirt. The buttons popped open one by one until both garments dropped to the floor with a soft thud. His skin felt soft under your touch. You raked your nails down his chest and over his stomach, completely intoxicated by the way he was making you feel. Instinctively, you rocked your hips against his, eliciting a small yelp from the king. He pulled away in an instant, his breath faltering as was your own.

"You're playing with fire by doing that, you know," he warned as he unwrapped his tail from around you. Lucifer didn't sound angry, far from it. But his voice was dripping with concern, almost as if he were afraid. Of what, you weren't sure. But you were determined to get the answer out of him one way or another. "In any case, your tongue seems to be perfectly normal. But it wouldn't hurt to double check-HEY!"

With a quick shove, you forced him down onto the edge of the bed, his back now flat against the mattress. His widened eyes followed you as you crawled your way up his body, stopping to hover over him and finally tossing his hat off to the side.

"I'm not afraid of a little fire," you retorted. "I've already been burned." You crashed his lips into his again, lowering your body slowly onto his. Lucifer's hands found their way to your waist as you began to lethargically roll your hips against his. You swallowed every sound he let out, driving you further to pick up the pace. After a few snaps of your hips, your felt a growing bulge push up to meet your core. Your heart palpitated at the thought of riling him up. Your tail took control once more and slithered up the sheets to find Lucifer's, entangling them together. Lucifer whimpered beneath you, his body convulsing with every move you made. Even his grip on your waist was feather light. You pulled your lips away to see his eyes flash a bright red for just a moment before fading back to normal.

"Stop holding back on me, Lucifer," you commanded breathlessly. "I told you nothing you do will scare me away. You have to believe that."

"You..." Lucifer gulped, "You don't know w-what you're asking for."

"Then show me."

A small roar escaped Lucifer's throat as he pulled you off of him to throw you down onto the mattress, your arms now pinned above your head. It all happened so fast that your brain couldn't properly register how you ended up on your back so fast. When you looked back up at Lucifer, he had changed. His eyes remained a blood red with large horns now protruding from his temples. He was no longer a fallen angel, but a demon looking to devour his next meal. And at this moment, it was you. Your whole body trembled from the fallen angel above you. Part of you wanted to scream, but not of fear, but from pure elation. Two fallen angels giving into their deepest desires with no fear of consequence.

"O-Oh, shit..." you squeaked.

Lucifer chucked. "I don't know if I've ever heard you curse before, sweetheart. It's cute." You could only gulp in response, and Lucifer took notice of your tense expression. "Don't say I didn't try to warn you. I think it’d be best if we st-"

You bucked up your hips in response, making Lucifer hiss. "All I’ve thought about for the last 10,000 years was having the chance to see you again. If you think some demonic horns and scary-looking eyes are going to change the way I feel about you, you’re wrong! You’re such a hypocrite! I know I don’t look like I used to before, but you haven’t been able to keep your hands off me this entire time!”

Lucifer froze for a moment at your words, shaking his head in an attempt to regain his train of thought. His hands instantly let go of yours and flew to the top of your thighs. You sucked in the harsh breath when you felt him sneak under the fabric of your dress and finally grip the hem of your panties. He looked at you expectantly, and you wordlessly nodded, giving him approval to keep going. He began to slide your panties down your legs at an agonizingly slow pace, you couldn’t help but whimper. Lucifer chuckled at your impatience.

“Maybe you’re right,” Lucifer finally spoke as he at last removed the black garment from your legs and tossed it away, “Maybe I am a hypocrite. So, if you’ll allow me, I’d like to try something. But first…” With a snap of his fingers, the large curtains that hung in his room fell, covering up the large yellow tinted windows, shrouding the room in darkness. “We don’t want any wandering eyes, now do we. Not that anybody would be dumb enough to try and spy on me, right?” he asked, smiling at you deviously.

“Oh, eat me, Lucifer!” you spat back at him playfully.

“Don't you worry, darling, we’ll get there soon enough,” he teased, licking his lips. You couldn’t hold back the whine that escaped your throat. The skirt of your dress was hiked up further and further until the cool air fully hit your slick folds. All you could hear was your heartbeat pounding in your ears. Lucifer's claws trailed slowly up your soft thighs, stopping just before where you needed him most. "Are you sure you want this?"

You sat up on your elbows quickly, grabbing the back of his neck to pull him into a quick kiss. "Please," you whispered against his lips.

It was only a moment before you felt an unfamiliar pressure between your legs as Lucifer slipped a finger into you, pushing in and out of you slowly and methodically. Your hips bucked trying to create as much friction as possible, but Lucifer's other hand held you down by the hip. "Patience is a virtue, my dear," he remarked in a sultry voice, "you of all people should know that."

"I-I was-hhng...never that kind of-a-ah...virtue," you babbled, your mind going fuzzy from the pleasure. A second digit was inserted into you without warning, causing you to arch your back and groan out in ecstasy. You felt Lucifers skilled fingers pulling in and out of you, curling them inside hitting that sweet spot that made you see stars.

"You make the cutest sounds," Lucifer praised. "I want to hear more." Lucifer retreated his fingers immediately and you cried out in desperation, mourning the loss of his touch. But before you could beg for him to keep going, his face was already buried between your thighs. You felt his long forked tongue lick up your lower lips and your hand flew to your mouth to muffle a scream. He pulled away and glared at you with his cardinal eyes. "You better pull your hand away from that pretty mouth of yours if you want me to keep going," he warned. "I told you; I want to hear you. You wouldn't deny me those lovely noises after 10,000 years apart, would you." You obliged, gripping the sheet s beneath you to keep your hands at bay. Satisfied with your response, Lucifer's head dipped back down to work at your dripping cunt. The guttural moans and whimpers that escaped you filled the bedroom. His tongue darted in and out of you at a relentless pace, his lips sucked on your sensitive nub without abandon. It was too much and not enough at the same time. Before long, you felt the coil in your stomach begin to tighten. One hand flew to Lucifer's while the other grabbed onto one of his horns. You felt the king growl against you as he continued to devour your pussy.

"L-Lucifer," you cried, "Luci...I-I...FFFUUCCK, I-I can't...can't hold it! G-Gonna cum, I'm s-so close..."

You felt the vibrations of Lucifer's satisfied hum. "I told you I wanted to try something, didn't I?" he asked. "Now it's your turn not to hold back. I want you to let go, let everything go for me." He plunged two fingers back into you without warning while his tongue attacked your clit. You were going to snap at any moment. "F-FUCK, Lucifer, I'm gonna...gonna c-cum, fuckfuckfuckFUCK!" With your thunderous cries, you felt your walls clamp down around his claws digits, his tongue lapping you up like a starved man. You felt something else at that moment, something different. A sudden pressure released from the sides of your head as you came. It wasn't a feeling of pain, but it was a sensation you've never felt before. Lucifer finally lifted his head after helping you ride out your climax, his chin dripping with your release. He flashed a cheeky grin at you before licking his lips.

"Absolutely divine," he murmured, "that was definitely worth the centuries long wait." Your face flushed from his word and you tried to look away, but his hand caught your chin before you could do so, pulling you into a kiss. You could taste a faint hint of yourself on his lips, and it was intoxicating. "Seems like my hunch was right," he chuckled as his eyes drifted upwards, "you definitely didn't hold back."

"W-What are you talking about?" you asked almost breathlessly. With another snap of his fingers, a small hand mirror appeared from thin air. He handed it to you with a soft smile. Hesitantly, you took a hold of the mirror and held it up to your face, and you finally knew what Lucifer had been trying to do. Your eyes had shifted to a midnight black with bright red irises. And the pressure you felt in your head moments ago finally made sense as you reached up to touch the dark curled ram horns that now poked out of your temples. You stared at yourself, shocked and yet somehow hypnotized. He had pulled the true demon out of you.

"You look...you're so beautiful," Lucifer sighed.

"You really think that?" you asked, looking up from the mirror in your hands.

"I've never thought anything different," he replied.

You tossed the mirror to the side of the bed and yanked Lucifer by the hips, pulling him over to sit against the headboard. He yelped in response but it was quickly silenced by your lips against his. You crawled into his lap and gently ground your slick entrance against the very obvious bulge in his pants.

"I need you now, Lucifer. Please," you begged. "I think we've both waited long enough..." With a final snap of Lucifer's fingers, your dress had completely vanished from your body as had his pants, leaving you both bare in front of each other for the first time. Your instincts told you to cover up, but at this point, all inhibitions have been lost and you were in no head space to concern yourself with that. You saw Lucifer's eyes wander to your chest and hold there for just a little too long. "Are you just going to stare at me or do you need me to tell you to use your hands?"

Lucifer laughed sheepishly as his clawed hands found their way to your soft mounds, kneading them between his sharp fingers. He pinched your nipples, rolling them between his index and his thumb, soft moans catching in your throat. You felt his cock twitch between your stomachs, your mouth salivating in anticipation. You raised your hips and hovered yourself over his engorged member. He took his hand and pressed it against your soaked entrance, slowing gliding it back and forth against your folds, hitting your sensitive nub with each swipe.

"Are you ready?" he breathed.

"I am," you answered.

Slowly, you lowered your hips, sinking down on his cock inch by inch. You hissed at the initial pain of the intrusion, but it in no time the pain changed to feelings of pure bliss. It was only a moment more before you bottomed out on his cock, with him filling you completely as if your bodies were made for each other. You moaned in unison once he was fully inside of you, your tails wrapping around each other’s waists as to hold each other as you possibly could.

"Can I move?" you whimpered.

Lucifer shook his head. "Y-You need to tell me something first."

Your body yearned to move, digging your nails into his shoulder blades. "Yes, a-anything!"

"B-Before..." he started, "Before you told me-shit...you told me the f-feelings you had for me weren't going to change." You looked at him confused as he continued to speak. "I n-need to know...how you feel...about me..."

Tears pricked the corners of your eyes as you lifted his head, forcing him to stare back at you. "I love you, Lucifer Morningstar. I always have. And I always will."

With your confession, Lucifer leaned up to capture your lips again. Your tongues found each other, twisting and entangling them in a passionate fight for dominance. His hands flew to your hips, gripping them tight as you felt your self being lifted up only to be pulled back down on his cock. You screamed into his mouth, but he captured your every noise. Your hips were lifted again with his guidance, and soon you found a steady pace, rocking against him and pulling as many sounds from him as you could. Lucifer pulled away from your lips and dove to your breasts, taking a nipple into his mouth, with one hand feeling up the other. His cock filled you to the absolute brim, hitting your most sensitive spot with every thrust. You couldn't imagine a better feeling as you felt the familiar tightening of the coil in your stomach.

"I m-missed you so much," Lucifer mumbled as he tried desperately to catch his breath. "So much...You're mine now. Forever and for a-all eternity. D-Don't ever leave me, please don't e-ever leave me again..."

His words hit you like an arrow to the heart. It was only now that you realized how much he cared for you despite being apart for so long. Torn apart and brought back together by the ones who deemed you unworthy of divinity.

"N-Never," you answered, "I'm yours."

Tears began to roll down both of your faces, him pulling you in to taste you again. "I love you," he murmured against your lips. "I love you; I love you, I-I love youuuu-fuckfuckfuck, I'm c-close..."

You buried your head in the crook of his neck as your body started to convulse. "W-Wanna feel you, Luci, p-please, don't stop, I-I'm gonna cum a-again..." His thrusts up into you became more and more erratic, you could feel his cock throbbing inside of you with every movement. With one final hard thrust, you cried out in pleasure, your orgasm hitting you in full force as your walls pulsated around him. Your climax triggered his own as you heard him wail in response, feeling his hot ropes of cum cover your pink walls. You both rode out your highs as your hips slowed and finally came to a stop. You could feel his release leaking out onto your thighs underneath you and your heart skipped a beat at the thought of being filled with his seed. After you both caught your breaths, Lucifer gently lifted you off of him and laid you down next to him, your demonic forms both retreating. He pulled you flush against his chest and kissed the top of your head.

"To think I could have had you all this time," he whispered. "I'm such an idiot..."

You looked into his glassy eyes and placed a small peck to his lips. "No, you aren't," you comforted. "The past doesn't matter. What matters is now. And we have the rest of time to spend together, right?"

Lucifer smiled back at you softly. "We have forever, my love." He pulled you close to him again, this time with a little more force, but not enough to hurt you.

"Lucifer, I'm not going anywhere," you said sweetly, "you're holding me like...like I'm going to vanish into thin air."

"I can't be sure that you won't," he replied almost inaudibly. His wings suddenly appeared, engulfing you completely in their embrace.

You wrapped your arms around his lower back, embracing him fully. "You'll never lose me again, I promise." You and Lucifer missed dinner that night as you drifted to sleep in each other's arms.

~~~~

IT'S DONE, HALLELUAH, NOW IF YOU EXCUSE ME IMMA GO BATHE IN HOLY WATER BYEEEEEE

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[temilyrights]

43) “god you’re so emotionally constipated.” for Emily x Reader please.

history smothers us

emily prentiss x gn!reader

summary: years of unspoken words and misconceptions threaten to destroy what remains of a once close relationship. you couldn't imagine your life without emily. now you look at her and feel every part of the ocean that destroyed you both. featuring prompt "god you're so emotionally consitpated" from my prompt list.

word count: 2.3k

warnings: angst with a happy ending. mention of blood. no use of y/n. set in season 12. unit chief prentiss.

a/n: thank you so much for the request <3 sorry it took me a while I struggled to find the right idea. I imagine this wasn't what you had in mind but I do hope you enjoy it anyway. also side note: i've deleted my taglist, i'm restarting because it was years old so if anyone would like be re-tagged or anyone new would like to be added pls lmk!

The police lights flash in the midnight sky. Agents and local police spread across the farmhouse. And you, sitting in the back of an ambulance, blood dripping down the side of your head, the beginnings of a headache making itself known.  

The bright torch shining in your eyes makes you wince, but the EMT clears you of a concussion and hands you pain meds to swallow. You drag your hand through your hair, a frustrated sigh leaving your lips. 

The unsub had come out of nowhere and whacked you over the head with a metal pole, and he probably would’ve done a lot more if it wasn’t for Tara being two steps behind you. 

Honestly, you were fine. A little banged up, with a nasty bruise already forming, but the blood had been wiped away and it was almost like it had never happened.

Well, apart from the very angry Unit Chief Prentiss stalking towards you. 

You wish this was an unfamiliar sight, but god she’d been back months now and you don’t think her smile had been pointed in your direction once. 

“What were you thinking?” She scolds, voice sharp and eyes narrowed. You don’t miss the shaking of her hands as she holds them tightly on her hips or the rising flush of her cheeks, both she would blame on the cold but you knew they were born out of concern, not that she’d ever admit it. Not anymore.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realise the FBI now required its agents to have the abilities to see through walls.” You roll your eyes, the half-joke an attempt to fix her glare, but you know even as the words pass your lips it’s futile. Your shoulders slump, already tired for the fight ahead,  “He came out of nowhere, Prentiss.” 

Her lips purse, “They require you to be able to clear a room. It seems you might need a refresher course. Maybe until you can be trusted and I deem you requalified it’s best you stay back in quantico.” 

“What?” You ask incredulously. Of all the dumb things- “Let me get this straight, you’re benching me over nothing? Tara was through that door seconds later. I wasn’t defying your orders. You have no reason to do this!”

“I want you to redo your basic training so I know you can be trusted in the field.” She demands, stoic, serious, and so far away from the soft woman you used to be able to reach out to. 

You laugh, but the noise is sad and wild. You shake your head in disbelief, watching the woman in front of you that years ago used to be the person you were closest to in the world. Now you stare at her and feel every part of the ocean that destroyed you both. “God, you’re so emotionally constipated.” 

“Excuse me?” 

You push yourself off the end of the ambulance, bringing yourself to your full height and meeting her gaze. You knew the day she accepted the unit chief position this wouldn’t end well, there was too much history, too much the two of you had left unsaid, hurt and anger smothering any possible relationship left. 

“Let’s not pretend this has anything to do with my performance.” You begin,

words low enough that if she didn’t listen the words threatened to disappear with the wind, “It’s because I got hurt and you’d rather damage my career and ruin the tatters of our relationship than admit that me getting hurt scared you.” 

Emily steps backwards, face stricken. Her hands fall from her hips, her mouth opening and closing as she struggles for words. 

You decide there’s nothing left she can say. You excuse yourself and grab a lift with Luke, happy to leave the crime scene and your boss behind. After everyone’s finished at the farmhouse and packed up at the police station it’s nearing two am and everyone is ordered back to the hotel to catch a few hours of sleep before the flight in the morning. 

Your feet are dragging by the time you make it to your room. The meds have done their job though and your headache had faded away, but nothing but sleep was going to help your heavy and aching bones. You wave a tired goodbye to Tara, who unlike Emily had no issues checking in and making sure you were okay, and then retreat to your room. 

You slump into the chair at the desk, telling yourself you’ll find the energy to get ready for bed in one minute. But so thankful to finally be off your feet. Your reprieve lasts only minutes before a knock sounds at your door. A withered sigh leaves your lips and you consider ignoring it but still find yourself pushing yourself upright and making your way back to the door. 

When you open it, you wish you’d listened to your thoughts. 

“Hi?” You say hesitantly, staring into the tired face of Emily Prentiss. There’s no anger, her shoulders are almost slumped, defeated maybe? You look away, too scared to analyse further. 

“Can I come in?” 

You open the door further allowing her entrance. She smiles, tight lipped at you, nodding her thanks. You close the door and wait for her to speak, pondering how in the hell you both got to awkward silences and forced tight lipped smiles when years ago you two could share looks across the room and know what the other was thinking, spent hours talking and laughing together, how you had built a life and never thought there would be a day that she wasn’t in it with you. 

“We can’t go on like this.” She starts eyes meeting yours before flickering away, “Things between us have not been right since I returned and I think maybe we should clear the air. I want to be the Unit Chief, I want to be back here at Quantico but that only works if we can be a team.” 

You scoff. It slips from your mouth, uncontrolled and harsh. Emily’s gaze snaps to yours, her surprise at the sound clear. You shake your head, “What is there to say?” Where would we even begin?

“I-” She chokes, blinking as the emotions claw at her throat. “I’m sorry for hurting you.”

Your brows draw in confusion as you shake your head, “What are you talking about?”

“After everything that happened with Doyle-”

Your eyes bulge, “You think I'm still upset about that? God, do you think I’m a monster? You survived. You lived. That’s all that matters.” 

Tears pool in her eyes, but she blinks them away, her gaze shifting to the wall as her fingers pick at a hangnail. She looks back at you, still picking, gaze more open and lost than you’ve seen in a long time. “Then why? I hurt you. I can see it in the way you can barely stand to be around me, like it hurts you to even be in my presence.” 

You blow out a breath, eyes moving around the room before they land back on her and then away again. “It’s not your fault.” You breathe, emotions lodged in your throat and heart beating wildly against your chest as you try and force the words out. “You didn’t hurt me, I hurt myself. There was never going to be a life I led that you weren’t right with me, you know?” You laugh, wet and broken. 

Emily’s mouth falls open, her eyes emotional pits that you don’t dare hold. 

“And then you left for London and I couldn’t exactly be upset because I had no say in what you did with your life. We were just friends. I knew it’s what you needed and I don’t resent you for that. I just…” You take a breath, “I was so angry at myself for missing you, for thinking that I could be someone you would stay for.”

And there it was. The truth. Because at the end of the day, you’ve always just wanted to be enough for the woman in front of you. For her to see you as more than just your friend. To one day have your feelings returned. 

She’d left and you’d both been busy and you’d deliberately tried to separate yourself as well, drawing back from the painful reminder that you weren’t enough. And since her return, all those emotions have been resurfacing, however much you tried to keep them buried. Because falling out of love with Emily Prentiss was just not something you were capable of, and you’ve spent years trying too. 

Emily approaches you, the space between you closing ever so slightly. Your gaze sticks to the ground, scared to see the easy to read emotions across her face. She takes a breath, the sound muffled by the beating of your heart.

“After I came back from Paris, I used to find myself looking at you and knowing I couldn’t be that woman you remembered, the one you sought for. I wanted to. Desperately.” Her voice hitches, and then lowers to a hoarse whisper, “I wanted to be the woman you fell for.” 

Your eyes finally rise, against your will. Tears make their way in delicate paths down her cheeks, she looks every bit as lost as you feel. The only thing stopping you from falling apart is the fear that if you let go you may never recover. 

“I didn’t need you to be anyone. I just wanted you to be yourself. I wanted you to trust me.” You respond gently.

She shakes her head, “No, everyone was looking for that version of me that I couldn’t grasp onto.”

“Emily,” You sigh painfully. Her face crumples, eyes squeezing shut at the sound of her name from your lips. It’s been so long, you know. “You were healing from a trauma. I’ve always wanted the authentic you, whatever that includes. Why would that suddenly change?” 

She nods, a deep frown on her face as she accepts your words. Then a wet laugh, as she wipes away her tears. “I’ve missed you. Every day. I hate being in the same room as you and it being awkward. I used to be able to look at you and know what you’re thinking. I want that back.” 

A small smile curves your lips, “Me too, more than anything.” 

“Yeah?” She questions. Her teeth run across her lip, as she dares to hope. “You think we could get back there?” 

Your heart hammers. “I just need you to be really clear here. What exactly are we getting back to?” 

She steps forward, finally close enough to touch. Her hand hesitantly reaches out and touches yours, her cold fingers intertwining with your warm ones. Your body remembers her touch, relaxes and leans into it automatically. You eat it hungrily, tracking the movement before your eyes rise to meet hers and find soft, open eyes watching you. “I want to make you fall in love with me again.”

Your breath catches in your throat, tears pooling in your eyes as your hand shakes in hers.

“And this time, I promise, I’ll be there to catch you.” 

“We might have a slight problem with that plan.” You laugh, trying your hardest not to sob.

She frowns, nose wrinkling in the way you adore. “What’s that?” 

“It’s pretty difficult to re-fall in love when I never stopped loving you in the first place.” You huff, and Emily laughs, rich and free and bright. Her face joyful and happy, and with the wide bright smile you’ve waited months to feel pointed in your direction. God the sight makes your head spin.

“Is that so?” She asks, hand moving up to cup your cheek, eyes full of love and pointed at you. 

You can only nod, dizzy from her attention and the emotions coursing through your body. 

When her lips find yours it feels like finally coming home. Soft and delicate, both too scared to push too hard, exploring slowing even as her hand holds your cheek and yours fists in her shirt. You’ve waited years for this, and if you get more of these than it will be worth it. Everything is worth it for the feeling of Emily in your arms. 

When she pulls away, it’s too soon. You follow her mouth and she concedes and gives you a couple more slow kisses before she stops herself, resting her forehead against yours.

“I just want to say sorry for earlier.” She whispers into the safe space you’ve built. “You were right, I was scared when you got hurt. Dave’s already kicked my ass for my response, you won’t receive any disciplinary action.”

You nod slightly, her forehead moving against yours, “Thank you.” 

“It won’t happen again.” She promises, sealing the words with a kiss to your lips. 

“I know.” You kiss her again, but this time you break out into a yawn midway through. Your momentarily forgotten exhaustion, making itself known. 

She melts against you, caressing your cheek. “Oh, you need to sleep. We can talk more tomorrow. I’m taking you out for dinner.” 

You bite your lip to hide the smile threatening to take over your face, “A date?” 

She chuckles, rolling her eyes. “Yes, a date. But only if you sleep first.” 

“Your wish is my command.” You can’t stop the grin from taking over your face anymore. You press a peck to her lips and lead her back towards the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Tomorrow.” She agrees, eyes fluttering over your face as if she’s committing every aspect to memory. “Sleep well.” 

“You too.” 

She presses one last kiss to your lips before she opens the door and makes her exit. You close the door quietly behind her, sinking back into it and allowing the giggle to finally escape your mouth.

What the fuck had just happened. 

Emily Prentiss kissed you. 

Emily Prentiss has feelings for you. 

You weren’t alone.

You bite your lip and push off the door, finally ready to get ready for bed and praying come morning that this would still be your reality.

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