#it would be even more spiritually enriching

[helianthus-tarot]

FUTURE SPOUSE: Why will you choose to be in a relationship with them?

As written in the title; however this is mostly for people who hold a stronger feminine energy in their connection with their fs. I posted the extended version on my Patreon which includes why they will choose to be in a relationship with you 👀❤️ There are also other 80+ readings on Patreon so definitely check it out, pick a card reading is posted every week plus extra mini pac every month! 🎉

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Instructions: Focus on the topic and ask yourself the question. Choose a number/picture that you feel the most drawn to or that you can’t stop looking at. Trust your intuition. May the message resonate. Let me know which pile you choose! Feedback is appreciated!

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PILE 1

Why will you choose to be in a relationship with them: Ace of Swords Rx (Knight of Pentacles), The Lovers, 10 of Pentacles Rx (6 of Cups), 3 of Swords, The World. 

For many of you, I don’t think you’ll think much before deciding to get into this relationship. The decision may be motivated by pure feelings and spiritual pull instead of logic and practicality. If you chose the same pile for the previous section, the spiritual pull is quite similar to what your person will be feeling, it’s just that... they will perhaps have a more grounded and pragmatic acceptance/view of it; “if we end up breaking up, that’s unfortunate, but the connection will be appreciated (by me) either way”. But your spiritual pull will come with some anxiety. It’s like, you will really want it to work. You’ll acknowledge that it may not be forever, you’ll know you would still learn from it and the connection would still be an important part of your life journey even if you guys ended up breaking up, but you’ll hope it won’t end; and this hope will be mixed with some anxiety, unlike your person’s (which will be imbued more with acceptance instead of worry). 

Some of you will get into this connection because you are subconsciously motivated by a desire that stemmed from your childhood; something you lacked when you were a child. So if you didn't get paternal/maternal love, or stability growing up, your person might give off the vibe that they can give you that, and you’ll get drawn to them because of that. You will also be able to sense that this connection will be spiritually significant, spiritually enriching and that you will be able to grow through this and become wiser. Maybe your person is or looks intelligent and experienced, maybe they come from a different place/country, and it makes them appear like they hold a wealth of new experiences (to you) that can expand your world in some way. Like I said, I feel like you’ll mostly be guided by your intuition, maybe your soul will be seeking this lesson or this experience and it will recognise that your person can give you that. 

Some of you will be guided by your own pain. This is quite similar to the message above, but this pain may be more related to romantic love instead of your childhood. If you have suffered a broken heart before, or has had bad experience in love, you’ll hold hope for a true love connection. And so when you meet this person and feel drawn to them, it’s likely that you’ll feel that this person is your person. Whether they are truly your The One or not, this doesn’t negate the possibility that your attraction to them may at least be partly driven by your old pain/wound. Just keep that in mind. Check in with yourself regularly. If we are drawn to something/someone because of old pain, this can put fear and anxiety of losing that thing/person in us, and it can make us behave in a way that is not really healthy. That’s all. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it doesn’t make your feelings for them any less real, it’s just that past pain can trigger some unhealthy behaviour if it goes unchecked. 

EXTENDED VERSION IS ON PATREON! Why will they choose to be in a relationship with you? Will it be love at first sight for them? Will it be because of what you bring into their life? Find out here! ❤️

PILE 2

Why will you choose to be in a relationship with them: 3 of Swords (The Sun), The Devil, Death, The High Priestess, 6 of Wands. 

I’m addressing this reading from the perspective of the person who’s got a stronger feminine energy in this connection. I think for many of you, you will choose them because you think they can provide relief from your pain, like, they will end that difficult period of life for you. For some of you, your person may not appear that way. Usually when we think about people who can provide relief, it probably makes sense to imagine someone who is calm and gentle and peaceful, right? But this person does not come across that way, especially if you choose the same pile for the previous section. Your person comes across fiery; there’s this unapologetic conviction and confidence about them, they are ruthless too sometimes, and could be very goal-oriented. But somehow you will feel like they can soothe your pain, and that’s why you will get into a relationship with them. Some of you will actually love those traits; you will like them rough around the edges, you will like them a little arrogant and uncompromising, you will like their control and their intensity. 

You will also be intuitively drawn to this person; there will be that instant, spiritual or intuitive awareness of their presence and their potential significance in your life. It is also possible that you’ll feel understood when you are with them, or you’ll feel like they can see through you or they can see the real you. So there will be this deep bond between you two, it will sometimes feel unexplainable, it will sometimes feel like they are the only person for you and you them, it will feel Scorpionic. The type of connection where your eyes meet across the room, the type of connection where you are aware of their presence without having to turn around and look for them, you know they’ve entered the room. Sometimes you guys may annoy each other but your gaze will often get pulled in their direction. Something very mystical and deep like that. Those are the reasons why you’ll choose them. 

Since this is a general reading, for some of you, this may be a little toxic (i.e. toxic attraction) so just be aware of that. For others of you, this relationship isn’t toxic (your person may have some questionable traits tho), but you may be right that they can give you want you need/want. Whether or not this attraction is toxic, some of you may also grow obsessive, and this connection can turn unhealthy if you are not careful. You guys will probably have some Pluto contact somewhere in your charts.

EXTENDED VERSION IS ON PATREON! Why will they choose to be in a relationship with you? Will it be love at first sight for them? Will it be because of what you bring into their life? Find out here! ❤️

PILE 3

Why will you choose to be in a relationship with them: 7 of Pentacles, Knight of Wands, The Star, Ace of Cups, The Hermit Rx (8 of Pentacles, The Moon). 

Some of you may have a tendency to get caught up in doing inner work. You know, some people keep watching or consuming content about self-improvement or shadow work, but they don’t really act on the info; they keep consuming it, and as a result they... kinda stay there? This either makes them feel like they are doing something, or it slows them down and it pulls them away from actually living their lives. You may be like that. Some of you may have a belief that you need to work on yourself to be deserving of love, or a belief that you need to change before you can experience love. Some of you are thinkers, you spend a lot of time in your head, trying to understand yourself and the world over and over and you have a tendency to stay there. This person will bring you out of your own head, or you will feel that way when you are with them. And that’s one of the reasons why you will choose them.  

Directly or indirectly, they will make you want to live life to the fullest, to explore things in life and to experience a connection with someone. They will not take away your desire for self-improvement, or distracting you from your inner work; you will still do these, but you won’t just do them and stay stuck at home/in your bubble, you will also go out and live your life. They will make you feel excited about taking actions, about trying new things, about going after your goals and taking risks of seeing your desire/vision materialise. They will make you want to try and experiment, and they will make you feel calm and at peace while you do these things. They will open up possibilities and broaden your horizons. You will also feel more confident around them, more accepting of yourself including your flaws, more honest with your feelings and your shortcomings. If you struggle with self-love, I think you will feel the desire to love yourself more whenever you are around them.  

You will also feel more emotionally fulfilled with them, hence why you’ll choose to get into a relationship with them. They will ‘make��� you feel carefree, happy, and very in touch with your emotions. You will feel spiritually and emotionally enlightened too, being able to see the bigger picture and being able to retain your trust in the Universe and Life, instead of feeling dragged down by all the (inner) work you have to do. So basically, you will not just focus on the negative and serious part of life, you will be able to balance it out with something more optimistic and fulfilling because of your person’s influence. That’s why you’ll choose them. 

EXTENDED VERSION IS ON PATREON! Why will they choose to be in a relationship with you? Will it be love at first sight for them? Will it be because of what you bring into their life? Find out here! ❤️

PILE 4

Why will you choose to be in a relationship with them: The High Priestess, 8 of Pentacles, The Fool, 4 of Wands. 

I think there will be a balance between inner work / self-improvement and enjoying life, which is quite similar to one of the other piles, but not completely the same. I think you will like that they ‘make’ you think; there will be things that they say or do that will make you go inward and get closer to who you truly are. It feels like being with them will make your inner voice clearer, like, you can hear it better and thus you can follow it. They are probably wise, or you will learn a lot from them, and this will make you feel motivated to work on yourself, to do something with your life, to enrich your life, to try again or to try new things. So the connection will make you feel enlightened yet carefree (instead of being weighed down by your knowledge), serious yet light-hearted, committed yet experimental. You will move back and forth between these two energies, they will work seamlessly. 

You will choose them because they make you feel understood and seen, in a way that not many people have been able to do. You will choose them because subconsciously you are also intuitively drawn to them. It’s not that they are mysterious (although they could be), but the connection or your interactions with each other have this enchanting quality that makes you want to sit and talk for hours and sift every section of their mind. There will be soul intimacy that makes you choose them. You will also feel welcomed by them, they will open their arms to you, no resistance at all, so you will feel like you can move towards them very easily. This person could be charming, to be honest. There’s just something with the way they smile or the way they make you feel comfortable and the way they accommodate you. It will feel like they want you to be with them, and you will see no reason why you should resist that.  

You will also feel like you can reach for the stars when you are around them. They will ‘make’ you believe in yourself, in something better, in the possibility that you can get what you want, in the possibility that you can build the life that you want. For some of you, your person may also welcome you into their social circle or family before you guys get into a relationship, they could share their connections with you and let you be a part of their life, so you’ll see what it feels like being with them. And it all may feel very harmonious and joyful, maybe you will feel welcomed and supported (if not by other people, you know your person is there with you to support you; it’ll feel like they won’t leave you alone in this crowd but they will give you some independence and freedom to explore for yourself). It’s like them showing their world to you and gently pressing their hand on your back, encouraging you to take a step forward. This whole thing will make you want to be with them. 

EXTENDED VERSION IS ON PATREON! Why will they choose to be in a relationship with you? Will it be love at first sight for them? Will it be because of what you bring into their life? Find out here! ❤️

[beloved-belittled]

Gods/Titans x Reader: Birthday Gift Headcanons

Characters: Shinnok, Raiden, Fujin, Liu Kang, Shang Tsung, Cetrion, Kronika 

A/N: Not me forgetting Shang Tsung was a Titan in the last one I did like this, *cough cough*. This is a lot fluffier than my usual content, enjoy!

TW: Nothing really, aside from maybe an implied yandere with a few characters.

18+ to interact.

Shinnok

Likely doesn't know when your birthday is, nor does he care to ask. He's existed since before the concept of time, so what's another year around the sun supposed to mean to him? You’ll accidentally tell him about your birthday too, thinking out loud while he's around. Like, “oh it's my birthday today” or “I wonder if my birthday's coming up.” To which, he'll scoff and ask why you care about such a thing. Mortals and their customs have always irked him to no end.

For that reason, you shouldn't expect a gift or anything special when your b-day does roll around. If Shinnok wishes to treat you he'll do it any day out of the year. And his treats are rare, so I recommend appreciating them when they come. 

If Shinnok was to buy you a gift, he'd consider his tastes more than your own. So that means receiving items he likes and you may not enjoy. This includes: literature in an unknown language, skulls or other trophies from his enemies, overly ornate jewelry or clothing, and even a fresh soul for decoration or consumption. Be sure to smile and thank him even if the present is… Undesirable. It'll save you some pain and maybe he'll get you something better next time.

Raiden

He hasn't asked when your birthday is simply to be polite. But, you'll likely tell Raiden at some point and he'll never forget the day. Like most characters on this list, he doesn't have a birthday himself to celebrate. He understands how important it is to mortals however, and will make an effort to impress you.

Raiden may not get you a gift for your birthday though. It's not because he doesn't care, but because he'd rather not incite rumors or other speculations in his followers. This is especially true if your relationship is secret or even forbidden. It pains him, but he binds himself to a certain standard for good reason. It's only if he became Dark Raiden, or if your relationship was open/public would he offer you a present.

Raiden isn't very much “in-touch” with mortals, so he would also base a gift on his preferences. He enjoys things that enrich the mind and offer more perspective on the world. Some examples are: classical literature/philosophy, historical records or artifacts, spiritual aids such as incense or other herbs, and potentially a jar of Jinsei only if you have max trust with him.

Fujin

He asks you about your birthday, and like his brother he doesn't forget. While he doesn't have a birthday either, he likely adopts a fake one just to connect with humans. So, he knows the importance of your b-day and will ponder what to give you months ahead of time.

He's the first of the characters here to consider your preferences over his own. He'll ask you a lot of probing questions to find out your likes, but he's rather smooth about it so you won't know the intent behind it. He also observes you and learns more about your hobbies, while also doing a little bit of research on them to see what would make a good present.

The type of gift he offers is dependent on you, but he'll aim for something affordable yet memorable. It's worth noting that he may also invest in an experience such as going to a certain city or place. For your birthday Fujin would like to take you to a local restaurant, see a movie or some form of theater, or bring you something you've always wanted. 

Also, please give this man a gift for his fake birthday. He will appreciate it.

Liu Kang 

He should have an idea of when you were born due to him crafting your destiny. But, he makes sure to ask so you're not surprised about him knowing when your birthday is. His god-like memory won't allow him to forget your birthday, and he plans ahead for it a crisp 11 months in advance. He needs the time, considering all of the duties on his plate.

Like Raiden, offering you a gift on your birthday may cause jealousy in the Wu Shi Academy. The last thing Liu Kang wants is for his subordinates to suspect he has some kind of favoritism towards you. However, he has little problem with your relationship being public if you're dating. So, if you're in a relationship with him you'll get a gift. If not, he'll just say “happy birthday" and recommend you take the day off.

He’s considerate of your tastes when scrounging up a present. At the same time, if he feels that giving you what you want would enable bad habits, (ex: behavioral addictions or an unhealthy lifestyle) then he'll resort to a more generic gift. Some examples include: birthday/gift card, baked goods, potted plant or gardening seeds, and candles.

Shang Tsung

He knows your birth date, home address, and banking information before you've even met him. He enjoys thoroughly researching his prey before acting, so he knows all the little details of your life. And once he's wrapped you around his little thumb, you happily spill to him when your birthday is. 

His gift is determined by your relationship with him. If he's in the early stages of wooing you, then he'll get whatever you love. His budget is the most lenient out of anyone here, so if you want something on the more expensive side you'll get it. He can be far too lavish with it as well, easily spending thousands of dollars to get what you desire. Of course, he'll keep reassuring you that such a paltry amount is nothing if it's for you…

If he has you under his control already, then he just gets a gift that will please him. He sees you as a little trophy to show off and tease all the time, so you can imagine what his gifts would be like. Fine silks, opulent jewelry, fancy furniture for you to lay on… If the gift is anything that visually stimulates him and shows off his power then he'll offer it to you.

Cetrion

She knows when your birthday is because she is nigh omnipresent. However, unlike everyone else in this list, she likely won't be able to spend time with you on your birthday. Cetrion would observe you from afar, in Heaven, unless you've already died or she's gained her freedom from Kronika. Still, that doesn't mean she won't do something special for your birthday.

Cetrion has to be a bit sneaky when giving you a gift. While other Gods have to worry about their mortal followers getting angry, she has to worry about the wrath of Elder Gods and a Titan. But, she's been playing this game for a long, long time. She has her methods of getting one or two things past without their notice.

Cetrion's gift involves her powers. She may grow a large and beautiful tree in your yard overnight. Or (especially if you garden) find all of your plants blooming and thriving. If there's a particular animal you've really wanted as a pet, it'll show up practically on your doorstep -begging you to adopt it. Alternatively, you may just wake up with a power you've never had, wondering when in the hell were you able to talk to animals or had a green thumb.

Kronika

She probably cares the least about a birthday, second to only her son Shinnok maybe. But unlike him, she's far more considerate of you once you're in a relationship. If you want to celebrate the passage of time, so be it. 

She sees herself as an artisan in a way, and would likely craft you a gift utilizing her powers. By the end of it, you may end up with a powerful artifact on the levels of Shinnok's Amulet or a Kamidogu. Naturally, whatever object she creates will be imbued with the power of time. Speeding up time, stopping time, reversing time -as long as it relates to chronokinesis she'll create it.

And although she'll put time (literally) and effort into a present, her most important gift to you would be her presence. She'll want to hang out with you like normal, simply enjoying each other's company and voice. Kronika makes for a surprisingly good partner on your b-day. She's swayed many people to her side and for good reason -she considers other people's thoughts and desires. Of course, this is all assuming you didn't break her heart.

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Tw: Parent trauma stuff, a vent post because damn my mommy and daddy issues are flaring up during my exams

Yves will talk to your parents for you.

As much as he wants to have you solely rely on him for your emotional, physical, and spiritual needs, he isn't selfish enough to deprive you of the experience of having a healthy and loving relationship with your family. Or at least, have a successful reconciliation with them and move on from the hurt.

He knows that people with good bonds between their initial caregivers would go on to live longer, happier, and have an overall peaceful mind; something that Yves wants you to receive. And it's something he could afford for you, why wouldn't he let the love of his life have something wonderful like this?

Yves already knew your history, the fights, the tears, the anger you held for your parents, and their refusal to admit their wrongs. But he wants you to confide in him organically, he doesn't want to force such a change in you. So he waited, stayed by your side, and observed, allowing you to slowly warm up to the idea of using him as a diary.

He would listen with no judgment, engulf you in a cushion of comfort and solace as you cry in anguish over the painful feelings you harbored for your parents. Yves would stay silent, cuddling you if that is what you needed and pressing soft kisses on your head whenever you're overwhelmed with your emotions. Only when you've calmed down, will he gently pry.

He has to dig through layers of resentment and agony, ignoring the red herrings and false wants. No, you do not truly want your parents to die a horrific death for what they did or didn't do for you, that's not your ultimate desire; try again. It doesn't matter how difficult it gets, Yves already knew the answer but you don't. He's trying to get you to realize what you actually need.

And you just wanted to feel loved, heard, seen, and protected for once by the adults who were supposed to teach you how the world works. You don't even give a damn if they gave you a sincere apology or not, all you needed was their acknowledgment that they were imperfect, you wanted their willingness to change, and them to be there for you while there is still time left. You wanted them to look at the mirror and see all the ugly parts they've been pretending not to notice, just like how they've been holding up a mirror against you all your life and nitpicking on all your flaws no matter how inconsequential.

You wanted to move on. Not alone, but with them. But they're stuck in the past, prickly and resistant to improvement. And it appeared to be a herculean task for you to do alone, an impossible mission, even.

Yves will absorb all of it with a sympathetic gaze, stroking your hair as you lay against him, completely drained of energy yet free from the burden plaguing you for years. Perhaps even decades. He will thank you for exploring this topic with him, it has taken a toll on you. But to heal, is to feel.

He will review all the information he has gathered on you, your family, and their dynamic, past and present. He will assess if this bond is salvageable or mangled beyond repair; Yves isn't going to blindly play family counselor, he knows there are just some relationships that aren't worth saving or not feasible to exist. If it's the latter, he will focus more on enriching your life to dull the pain of the past; it will no doubt always be there, but it will shrink with the joy he nourishes you with. At the same time, Yves would be cursing your family with a taste of his wrath, making the option of death appear to be a more merciful one. You wouldn't know what he did, but all you needed to know is that they're absolutely out of your life.

However, if the relationship is still viable, just severely damaged, Yves would do anything in his power to mend it. Just like how he would sew up holes in your clothes or fix any of your items that are broken with his excellent craftmanship, he would execute a plan to rebuild the bridge they charred.

They still cared for you, but they chose the wrong way to show it. Or they had their own demons to deal with which unfortunately roped you into a hell that you shouldn't have been in. Or that's just how they were taught by their own caregivers and they didn't know anything outside of it. As long as there is that weak pulse of genuine parental care and love for you, Yves will do anything to resuscitate it.

With his vast wealth, he could easily eradicate issues stemming from financial pressure. With his near infinite contacts, your parents have no problem getting the means to survive another day with their disease- they could even receive a cure for it. With his influence, their perpetrators could finally be brought to justice. With his shrewdness, Yves would orchestrate occurrences daily to teach them valuable lessons and correct their viewpoints. He would only make himself known if it's necessary, otherwise, your parents may think they're on a lucky streak or finally maturing as adults. Or if they're superstitious, a sign from a higher power to reach out to you and talk.

However, Yves wouldn't let them open the conversation with you just yet. They have to prove themselves, that they could pass his discrete battery of tests. Even if they did well, Yves would enact one last checkpoint: he would personally pay them a visit and talk.

The atmosphere must be calm, but not too lax to the point your parents feel comfortable disrespecting Yves. It has to be polite, warm, and cordial, but not too much lest they fail to subconsciously perceive what a threat Yves could be. There must be discipline, on both sides, no exceptions.

Yves have already taken their hunger, thirst, and sleep levels into consideration. The temperature, the smells, the humidity, the lighting, and the hormones present in their bloodstream on that day as the smallest variable could throw his entire plan off. As a failsafe, he would prepare cups of their favorite hot beverages and tea-time snacks laced with drugs that would allow him to control the situation better. It will have no adverse effects on their health, it will only serve to influence their mind however Yves sees fit. But he really didn't have to go this far, they trusted him to the fullest as Yves always had their best interest in mind. They're quite fond of him too, so it would be a difficult feat to shake him off their good graces.

It started off with a light-hearted conversation about general topics, just to ease your parents further and to fully prime them for the transition to heavier ones. Some discomfort was expected, maybe they tried to change the subject or divert his attention to something else, but Yves is unwavering. He would be gentle, yet firm. Using his body language and even minuscule actions such as picking his cup up without drinking from it to manipulate the situation. Implicitly reminding them who is in charge of the entire scene. It's almost like a spell, they couldn't bring themselves to leave even if they had a history of running away at the first sign of discomfort.

Yves will hear what they have to say. It's nothing he hasn't heard or seen before, this is only to give the illusion of a fair playing field. But his intention was never to take anyone's side, but to give you what you wanted out of your parents.

Once they're done, Yves would take a sip out of his tea. He would then lay out your deepest feelings toward them, the rage, the sorrow, the push, and the pull. Perhaps they were neglectful without intending to, money was tight and they had to put food on the table. Maybe they went through worse and resented you for having a better childhood than they did. They dismissed your hardships as something trivial, and sent a message that you just weren't that important.

You felt like you were never good enough under their outrageous expectations, you felt like their love was conditional and your worth was tied to what you could do for them. You felt betrayed because they broke your trust by telling your relatives your secrets, you felt like they only had you because everyone else was having babies and they succumbed to peer pressure. You felt discarded when they both divorced, or they remarried and had children outside. You felt less important than their booze bottle. Your views don't matter, only the opinions of others do. You were forced to be another parent for your siblings: children you never asked for. You felt unloved, you felt unwanted, you felt abandoned.

He made sure to speak in a language, pace, and tone they understood. It will be absolutely direct, with no room for misunderstandings and Yves would be happy to clear up anything over and over again.

It's difficult. It's frustrating but achievable. He has to keep a poker face as they try to deflect, defend, and twist. And for each attempt for them to escape these strong revelations, Yves would have something to counter it and ground them back to Earth. No one can leave until Yves thinks the outcome is satisfactory. Let the room flood with tears, let their voice go hoarse from yelling, it doesn't matter to Yves, he has his eyes constantly on the prize.

Eventually, he gets what he wants out of this meeting. Your parents would be as exhausted as you when you first vented to Yves about your relationships. They're finally accepting that they're also human with the most hideous of faults. And also accepting that they have the capacity to change for the better before it's too late.

They passed. His final test, they passed.

He would end the discussion, scheduling another meeting but with you this time. The dates he chose are very strategic, as a confrontation too soon or too late will render their 'training' ineffective.

Yves wouldn't be in the room, at least not visibly. He still has eyes and ears to watch over you, but his conceivable presence will affect the process. It has to happen without his obvious coaching, but Yves has the ultimate control.

You will be tense and they will be on edge, so he ensured that both sides are sufficiently groomed (with or without knowledge) before commencing.

It could take anywhere from a few hours to a few weeks for you and your parents to get on the same page, going through most, if not, all five stages of grief. It is a death of the past, and the birth of the present, after all.

His green eyes will be staring at the screen intensely, having his ears carefully listening to every single detail. Yves would be working tirelessly to puppet the stage, nothing is done unintentionally; not even that one green leaf that blew past the mildly smudged window. Everything happens for a reason, and that reason was Yves's puppetry.

In the end, he would succeed. You and your parents would break down crying, holding each other and promising to do better while they could still feel what it's like to breathe. Due to the tremendous emotional toll it has on each other, Yves expected that you will experience aches on your body. You would receive nightly massages from him.

Slowly but surely, things will change. Yves encourages you to call them as much as you can, likewise, he would encourage them to contact you too. Dinners, lunch, and brunch with everyone would be frequent. You would have the family that you deserved, but never gotten.

And Yves would smile, joining in pictures and conversations between you and your parents. Enjoying the quality time he gets to spend with you.

Your father would sling an arm around his shoulder, while he gracefully crouches down to his level. Your mother would grin and have her hand holding you by your arm as the entire family looks into the camera lens.

Yves is also happy to receive the blessing to experience the domesticity of a nurturing family he never had.

[muneersecstasy]

How fascinating love it would be, in which you fear your beloved.

What a fascinating love it would be if you feared your beloved. Subhan'Allah! The real love. For the sake of Allah, in Divine love, i.e., Allah's Love, The love of Allāh ﷻ also includes the love of our prophet Muhammadﷺ, and all the prophets (عَلَيْهِ ٱلصَّلَاةُ وَٱلسَّلَامُ), and the Khulafa-e-Rashideen◌ؓ, Azwaj-e-Mutahirat◌ؓ, Ummahat-ul-Momineen◌ؓ, Ahl al-Bayt-e-Athaar◌ؓ, Shuhuda-e-Karbala◌ؓ, Ashra-Mubashra◌ؓ, Baqiya-tu-Sahaba Ikram (رَضِيَ ٱللَّٰهُ عَنْهُ), Hazrat e Tab'in Tabe Tab'in, Shuhuda-e-Islam, Mufassireen, Muhadiseen ؒ , Awliya-Ikram ؒ Ajma'in (رضوان الله أجمعين) and our parents, brothers, sisters, family, relatives, neighbours, friends, the entire Ummah and all the living beings. Subhan'Allah!

"And those who truly believe, love Allah intensely."[Al-Baqarah | 2:165] Subhan'Allah! In which you also love the other lovers of your beloved. Not like any other metaphorical love, i.e., love for Allah ﷻ's creation. In which you detest other lovers of your beloved. Well, how can one's heart not love Allah, our Lord, the Almighty, the most compassionate and merciful, to whom belong the most beautiful names? To whom you can't thank enough, even if you spend your whole life in prostration. That heﷻis not in need of our worship, yet he showers us all with his abundant blessings. Allahu-Akbar! Heﷻ is "al-Shakur", rewarding our few deeds with limitless happiness, even though he's the one who gifted us the ability to carry out those very deeds. In fact,

it is said that fear denotes abstaining not only from all that is forbidden but also from those deeds from which it is advisable to refrain. According to a scholar, fear forces a traveller on the spiritual path to hold back and refrain from displeasing Allah. Just like when you love someone, you are afraid of making them upset with you or refrain from doing anything that will displease them. Also, just like lovers who are unable to meet, they send letters, and the lover reads them over and over. Qur'an-e-Kareem is also like a love letter from Allāh ﷻ. From the beloved to you. so that we read it over and over again. Subhan'Allah! It implants fear in our hearts concerning our end. The Qur'an warns us to be steadfast in our belief and practice of Islam. May Allahﷻ guide us all. Many verses of the Qur'an cause hearts to tremble with fear and are like threads with which to knit the lace of life. "And whoever does an atom’s weight of evil will see it."[Al-Zilzal | 99:8]

and Say: "Shall We tell you who will be the greatest losers by their works? Those whose efforts have been wasted in the life of the world while they thought they were doing good. " [Al-Kahf | 18:103-4] Allahu Akbar! May Allah ﷻ grant us all forgiveness and protection against Shaytan and his deceptions. And may he ﷻ make it easy for us to fight against our Nafs and to oppose our desires and sins. Allahumma Ameen! How happy and prosperous are those who knit the laces of their lives with these threads? With such warnings, the Qur'an orients us toward the Hereafter and encourages us to consider it more important than anything else. In his luminous speech, Allah the Almighty uses fear as a whip to force us into His presence and honour us with His company. Like a mother's reproofs to her child that draws him or her to her warm, affectionate arms, this whip attracts the believer toward the depths of Divine Mercy and enriches him or her with Allāh ﷻ's blessings and bounties that He compels humanity to deserve and receive out of His Mercy and Graciousness. Subhan'Allah! How can one's heart not melt out in the love of their lord? Indeed, One whose heart is full of fear and awe of the Almighty cannot be afraid of others and is therefore freed from all useless and suffocating fear. In His luminous, hope-giving speech, the Almighty Allāh ﷻ tells people not to fear anything or anyone other than Him: "Have no fear of them. Fear Me, if you are true believers." [Aal-Imran | 3:175] "They arise from [their] beds; they supplicate their Lord in fear and aspiration, and from what we have provided them, they spend." [As-Sajda | 32:16]. Heﷻ praises those who design their lives according to their fear of God use their willpower carefully and strive to avoid sins. Such sensitive and careful souls fly in the heavens with the Almighty's approval and pleasure. Also, those holding Him in reverence drink the sweet, enlivening water of nearness, which comes from taking refuge in Him. One who fears God sometimes sighs and sometimes weeps, especially when alone, in an attempt to extinguish the pain of being separate from Him as well as the fire of Hell, which is the greatest distance between him and Allāh ﷻ. Allahu Akbar! Why do we not fear him? Is our love for Allah just words and no action? May Allahﷻ protect us! And shedding tears is the most effective way of putting out the fires of Hell. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know how to put it in words. Cry your heart out to Allāhﷻ, because the thing is, even if you don’t understand it yourself, Allah does. Indeed, "whether you conceal what is in your hearts or reveal it, Allah will know it. He knows what is in the heavens and what is on the earth. Allah is powerful over everything." [ Aal-Imran | 3:29] Indeed, imagine a single teardrop that occurs whilst you’re repenting. Just one single teardrop, that rolled from your eyes down to your cheeks whilst you begged Allāh for forgiveness for your sins. Imagine that this one drop of water, was enough for Allāh ﷻ to extinguish all of the fire and torment that was awaiting you for the sins that you committed. We just have to repent with sincerity. Surely, Allah ﷻ loves to forgive. You know, every tear that falls from your eyes in repentance to Him makes your heart feel lighter, happier.Istighfaar can do that. It raises you in rank even more than when you first fell. And his mercy is greater and ever nearer to the one who comes to him with a repentant heart. So repent and allow your heart to blossom. Subhan'Allah! Lately, I read a quote: "I know of no better love story than that of a forgiving Rabb and a repentant slave." Also, you don't have to tell anyone that I cried in the love of Allāh ﷻ or I please him in alone or anything. When you love someone, you hide it. I know, love can't stay hidden for long. People around you get to know about it through your actions. But just don't express it to others with your own tongue. Yk!

However, don’t allow your emotions to overwhelm you into falling into the traps of Shaytaan. causing you to drift away from your deen, your beloved. Keep your head up and cope in beneficial ways. Sit with the Quran and recite or listen to recitations, get up and pray and make your sujood longer than usual. Find comfort in Ibaadah and know that Allāh ﷻ knows and Allāh ﷻ does not burden a soul more than it can bear. Trials and afflictions are to improve us and make us stronger. Think back on the difficult times in the past? Did you not come out stronger and wiser? Patience is key. Hold onto the rope of Allah with patience and aim for his mercy and love, which eventually leads you to Paradise. In-Sha-Allah! "Fa Inni Qareeb": 'I am near. I respond to the call' - Allāh ﷻ guarantees that he will respond to the one who calls. Subhan'Allah! How foolish of us to think that he won't respond to our supplications. "Na'auzubillah!" (We seek refuge in Allah.) Also, if someone doesn't have anyone to speak to, pour your heart out in front of your lord, may it be in Tahajjud. Subhan'Allah! Talk to Allāh ﷻ, your beloved. He is the "Al-Wali" (the Protective Friend) of those who believe. Heﷻ surely will turn the darkness of your life into light. May Allāh ﷻ grant us all patience, self-control, and strength. May Allahﷻ honour us and not humiliate us in this world and especially in the hereafter. May Allahﷻ cure all of our illnesses, our distresses, our pains and grant us the best of healing. May Allah ﷻ replace our anxieties, our worries, our fears, our depression and our problems with peace, contentment and barakah! "Allahumma inni as'aluka hubbaka, wa hubba man yuhibbuka, wal-'amalalladhi yuballighuni hubbaka." (O Allah! I ask for your love, the love of those who love you, and deeds that will cause me to attain your love.

Ameen allahumma ameen!✨

Fi-Aman-illah 🍂

[scientia-rex]

At work, I present a simplified, pared-down version of myself. This is both inevitable and a good thing. The time I spend with patients should be about them, not me; the time I spend with colleagues should be mutually enriching but not overly personal. I know I work with at least two transphobes. I'm not going to make them privy to every part of my life or thoughts.

However, I've had a rich, varied, weird life. I've always been an avid reader, I've worked hard, I've played hard, I've changed my mind about a lot of things, sometimes multiple times. This means that, when people get to know me for a while and they learn that I'm a bisexual doctor from a rural area who's always a) announcing how much I need coffee (this forms at least 15% of my smalltalk in any given day) and b) complaining about the deer eating my garden, they eventually start to think, well, yes, she loves Halloween an unreasonable amount, but otherwise, she's pretty okay.

Then one of my more religious colleagues makes some comment about how silly it is to suggest that I would be a nun (I don't even remember the context) and next thing she knows I'm explaining how, in the 12th century, I think I would have made a pretty great nun! I can really appreciate the appeal of dedicating your life to your spiritual ideals. And how Hildegard von Bingen is my favorite nun, and have you heard her compositions? You should really listen to Canticles of Ecstasy, I walked down the aisle to one of their tracks!

And multiple people are left staring at me blankly, because if all you know about me is that I was a queer hellion in my rural highschool 20 years ago, you might not realize how much I both know and care about the monastic system in medieval Europe.

[stargazer-sims]

Meet Bin & Blu, a couple of fugitives who find themselves on the strangest planet they've ever seen... Earth.

Their home world is a planet called Tora. Their species is also called Tora, or Torae when referring to them collectively. (an individual Tora, or multiple Torae). Like its nearest neighbour, Sixam, the planet Tora is a matriarchal society. Also like Sixam, both biological males and females can bear children, and no social concept of gender exists. People form relationships with whomever they want, and individuals are differentiated by biological sex rather than by a socially-constructed gender system.

Tora has a class or caste system. Unlike Sixam, class is not based on colour or biological sex, but rather by economic and socio-political standing. Tora is not a peaceful world like Sixam, either. There is a lot of unrest, with people constantly trying to become wealthy, successful or famous and trying to climb the class ladder.

Blu is from the upper class, but lost status due to his political views and his association with people like Bin, who started in the middle class but fell to the lower class due to his criminal proclivities.

On their home world, Blu and Bin were were caught while attempting to flee after Blu helped Bin escape from prison. Blu was more likely than not headed for prison himself because of his socio-political advocacy, and the authorities decided that instead of incarcerating both of them on the home world, they'd get rid of them by dropping them off on some backwater planet and stranding them there. They were left with only a few items of clothing and supplies, and that was that.

They decided fairly quickly that they'd need "Earth names" in order to integrate better. Unfortunately, they realized just as quickly that no one on this planet looks even remotely like them, and new names would not help them integrate at all. They also discovered that having a good vocabulary in a language isn't enough when it comes to naming. Context is also important, and Dustbin and Blu-Ray, as it turns out, were not the best choices for names.

Currently, they're camping on a beach in Tomarang and trying to figure out their next move.

____________________

About Bin Real Name: Azri Kana'an Earth Name: Dustbin (or Bin for short) Occpuation: thief, elemental master

Azri (Bin) is one of the minority of people on his world who can harness elements. He's a genetic throwback from the days when magic was more prevalent than science and technology. Magic is largely lost to the Torae now, and those who do possess it are either elevated as quasi-spiritual figures or vilified, depending on who you ask. There is very little middle ground. Azri's life choices unfortunately led him to be viewed more as a danger to public order than to be seen as a leader or hero of any sort

He's notorious for his thefts of large amounts of currency and other easily-liquidated valuables. He gave most of the money to organizations dedicated to dismantling the class system on his world and making life more fair and equitable for everyone. He actually enjoys the adrenaline rush he gets from stealing, and in between heists, he likes to steal small items for fun.

He was given medication to sterlize him while he was in prison, and is convinced he can't get pregnant now, which is good in his opinion because he's very sexually adventurous.

About Blu Real Name: Valyn Auri'el Earth Name: Blu-Ray (or Blu for short) Occpuation: social worker, activist

Valyn (Blu) comes from a wealthy and prominent family. He was expected to join his family's business enterprise and amass his own fortune, but after recognizing the plight of the lower classes, he decided he wanted to dedicate his life to helping them instead of enriching himself. He trained to be a social worker, a job usually done by lower middle class individuals. He met Bin while working in his city's prison, and despite knowing it wasn't a good idea to start a relationship with a client, he did it anyway. Between them, they hatched a wild plot to break Bin out of jail.

His facial marking isn't natural; it's a tattoo that's fashionable among the upper classes, which parents often have applied to their children at a young age. Blu hates it because it easily identifies him as coming from the upper class, but Bin thinks it's beautiful, particularly at night when the moons-light hits it and makes it look glossy.

He loves the water, and like most members of his species, he can stay underwater for several minutes without needing to come up for air.

[drbased]

there was a popular post going around that said 'hmm i'm craving some brutal external punishment for something but i don't know what' or smth, and it was disheartening to see how many could relate to that, and even more so when i could relate to it too and i didn't exactly know why. i want to know why such masochistic desires even arise at all and how to get rid of them. your posts on symbolic states and other theories are fascinating. i was wondering if you had a theory on this too, and how to deal with it.

This is an incredibly interesting question and I've found it very enriching to respond to this, so thank you!

I was going to ask if the 'brutal external punishment' is reference to a kink thing or some existential thing, but I realised that my answer would be the same regardless, because they both stem from the same place.

I am going to once again plugging Susan Griffin's Pornography and Silence because this book has been such a phenomenal find for me; what she essentially discusses in this book is the symbolic state of the pornographic mind. I see her grasping for the right language to explain the concept, just as I've lacked the language to describe these 'abstract' psychological mechanisms. She describes how the pornographic mind finds there to be some inherent humiliation in human vulnerability to nature, and sees that nature is base, animalistic and yet somehow consciously cruel. The pornographic mind wishes to punish nature via one's own body - but as the body is part of nature, there is no separation between the body and humanity. So men project 'nature' onto women, who become representatives for all that is evil in the world, and men generate 'culture' which seeks mastery over nature. The pornographic mind seeks to destroy the natural vulnerability of eros through generating a sexuality in the form of sadomasochism - in this context, the sadist and masochist are essentially the same person, two halves of a whole, representative of this split between nature (the masochist) and culture (the sadist). But because this split is impossible - people are, by their very nature, whole and complete - this creates and obsessive neuroticism, an existential terror that can never be truly addressed, and the paranoia gets shoved further and further down in the psyche.

For me, my own masochistic desires are being addressed through the following:

1. The recognition that there is no essential humiliation to existence. Dropping my spirituality has helped with this; there is no objective standard I'm supposed to be adhering to, and there is nobody watching over me, judging my actions and finding them embarrassing or weird or disgusting. There is only me, in my pure subjectivity as an individual; there is a loneliness to that, but also a great power - I pull my focus away from the external world and back into myself, firmly focusing through my own eyes. Even in my imagination! I used to imagine myself through the third person a lot, and I've since learned the danger of that, because watching someone do something is not the same as being that person doing something. The image of me is not me: I am me, and trying to separate myself from that, to minimise that, to destroy that is impossible. I don't require masochistic yearning or pining over loss in order to generate meaning, because just like everything else, 'meaning' is not something that comes from the ether, this supposed universal force of objectivity, that I have to tap into; rather, meaning is something that necessarily comes from me, as it is the nature of human existence to generate meaning. Meaning, narrative and judgment are things that I do: they are mine, all mine!

And this is the essence of maturity: I don't need to have decisions or narrative or meaning taken away from me, because they're ultimately my responsibility. Yes, it makes me a lot more afraid of myself, but the world becomes a lot less scary as a result. I don't need to punish myself, because 'need' implies a necessity coming from somewhere - but there is only me, and it's up to me to judge if my actions are good or bad or not. If my actions are bad, then I don't need punishment - I just need to fucking stop doing them like a grown-ass adult. Punishment, like everything in the symbolic state is performative. Punishment in a bdsm context is especially performative.

Men do this shit all the time - they'll do shitty things to you and then emotionally self-flagellate in front of you. And like, you just wanna go, it's not that fucking deep, mate. This isn't about the sanctity of your immortal soul - this is about the harm that you're causing me. As with all symbolic states, self-punishment is self-centered, main-character-syndome shit. In reality, you show the depth of your character through your actions; you exist in reality, first and foremost. And since reality comes first, that reality does not contain some secret meaning - or if it does, then we as humans are clearly not built to engage with that meaning. We generate our own meaning, our own sense of morality, our own narratives, and you can either accept that or invent a list of sins to be punished for.

2. Life is hard. I know that despite everything I've said, there's clearly a human drive to dissociate, to invent rules so you don't have to fucking think about every damn decision you make. And we process the world though each other, we understand our decisions and generate our perception of ourselves in a cultural context. As in this video, it's always easier to plug your fingers in your ears and pretend not to know the potential harm of your actions - the fundamental potential of yourself as a moral actor - and then if there is someone at the pearly gates with a list of your sins, you can always shrug and go 'I just didn't know'. Ignorance is bliss, as they say. So these symbolic states, the pornographic mind, the masochism - they're all a form of abstraction; they're something that feels close enough to reality (we already process reality in symbols so it's very easy to do this psychological sleight-of-hand - and then be very confused why your mind and reality never seem to gel well with each other, as is what happened to me), so they can be a great substitute for reality - all difficult emotions and beliefs can be safely processed under the narrative and aesthetic.

You never have to worry if you actually want to study if you process it under the dark academia aesthetic - because studying can be a hard, miserable slog, but also we're told it's important, we're told it's something we should do. And that 'should' always hangs there, constantly pointing to that external objective standard that I've referenced. You 'should' brush your teeth, you 'should' exercise', you 'should' go to university, you 'should' finish everything on your plate, you 'should' look pretty, you 'should' respect your (abusive) parents, should should should. Different people from all walks of life will have their own interpretation of what you 'should' do; your parents tell you you 'should' study law, like they did - your friend tells you you 'should' follow your heart. With every 'should' there's this abstraction of the self from responsibility, from recognition of cause and effect. There is. no. should: you may decide that you never want to brush you teeth ever again and have all your teeth fall out. That's a 'bad' consequence, but it's only bad if you give a shit. I don't use the words 'should' or 'need' anymore for this exact reason: my subjectivity is by its very nature pure and untouchable, and just like an addict I don't want to use words that so much as imply that I should once again return outside of myself. (So instead of 'I need to save money' I say 'I want to save money because I would find going broke miserable and terrifying' - I reinforce constantly that my consequences are mine, and that's not an embarrassing thing.)

The thing is, whilst I personally went too far, it's clear to me that humans need a certain amount of abstraction in order to process the world. As I said, life is hard, and make pure, thoughtful decisions all the time with zero regard for your perception of yourself and your life's narrative is borderline impossible. Our ability to abstract and generate narrative is a beautiful thing! So I don't judge my younger self for desiring that abstraction - it's clearly not just natural but deeply culturally enforced, not just in language but more recently in post-ironic highly self-referential mass media, where culture becomes this well-oiled self-sustaining machine.

Capitalism thrives off generating objective standards for you to follow; the Playboy magazine first started off as a lifestyle magazine, showing off an aspirational lifestyle to a growing middle class of disillusioned men encouraged by the conservativism of the time to find fulfilment in suburban marriages with miserable, locked-up and drugged-up housewives. The core of this aspiration was the promotion of being a 'wealthy bachelor' which involved fancy living, high-brow artistic tastes and, of course, a slew of hot babes. It should come as no surprise that this pornographic magazine offered this supposedly libertine option to a conservative culture - because despite the supposed left-wing sex-positive rebellion, all the magazine offered was simply a different narrative path. And said narrative path was even more capitalistic, and so perhaps even more symbolic, and of course still utilised the woman as a symbol in this narative, just in a different way.

Our natural desire for meaning and finding a place in the world is exploited by religion, capitalism, and even our closest peers: everyone is existentially terrified, it seems to be the nature of the human condition to be so. But I do think it's worth pointing out here at just how much of this collective symbolic state is entirely male-driven. This is why I don't think I would be able to theorise on this subject so much without feminism; it's clear to me that patriarchal thought, as underpinned by this pornographic symbolic state, is the primary driver of this mass self-abstraction. There isn't a clear solution to this, but as an individual I have found that generating this much stronger sense of self within my natural place in causality - and sharing how I've achieved that - has certainly given me some peace. At the end of the book Susan says how it is women who are especially fractured under the pornographic mind: that we are paradoxically supposed to embody some sense of nonbeingness; she references how Marilyn Monroe's selfhood was destroyed and she instead embodied this pornographic 'image' of herself as a blonde bimbo, a nonhuman entity that could be comprised entirely within the male definition of 'sex symbol'. Men want to destroy our selfhoods so they can prove we never had one to begin with; they want to prove that they're the ones capable of real mastery over nature with their superior culture - they commit violence against us because they believe that nature demands violence, but believe that they are ultimately above the violence of nature. Pornographic thought is fundamentally violent; so, then, of course its answer to all of life's ills is to find yet another away to increase the amount of violence in the world: though punishment.

3. With all the above in mind, if my life events have shown so far that I have used a certain amount of (unconscious) reasoning to choose to percieve the world and myself a certain way, then that implies I can find reasoning to choose to percieve those things another way. And if the consequences of desiring an objective standard that exists outside of causality and morality means that I feel this cosmic humiliation for which I must punish myself as a performance for the universe, then that's a consequence I don't much like! I used to like it - because despite the darkness, it gave me an avenue through which I could generate meaning and feel connected with the world. However, I now see the fragility of that connection for what it realy is, and now I have an entirely different way to process and feel connected with the world, I'd rather choose that option, instead. Making my own decisions is hard but it's made me feel more comfortable in myself, comfortable with other people, and most of all stable. I have decided that self-love is not embarrassing, but rather simply something I do because feeling good feels good. The catharsis that people get from punishment is not related to what is actually happening but what it represents. And like all symbolic states that's fundamentally fragile. But feeling good is so pure and, well, animal that it needs to justification. It just simply is. So it makes sense, then, that I've felt much more firmly grounded in myself and infinitely less insecure since I've chosen this path.

I also think it makes me write a lot better, because have you ever noticed that when you feel secure in what you know, you seem to communicate it a lot better? Because it's like building muscle memory for the mind: every time I engage with reality properly, I get used to understanding how connections are formed on a deeply fundamental level. I also don't lose stuff as often because I remember where I last put the item - because I'm not treating reality as a sort of floating TV screen but rather acknowledging myself within that reality; so I'm not 'watching' 'myself' put something down - I'm being the person putting that thing down, and hence I'm being more - eurgh - mindful. I find it hilariously ironic that when I recognised and accepted by subjecivity, I've actually been able to hold myself to those supposedly objective standards I was once terrified I'd never be able to achieve - so I now have less to self-flagellate over. But this makes sense when you think about it; because there is no universal force of objectivity, those beliefs about what I 'should' do came from me. So I need to respect them, too, as part of my subjectivity. I've had to tell myself so many times: if believing this thing is not going to make me do it, then will anything actually make me do it? And if not, I clearly don't care about the thing as much as I felt I should, and so then if I'm going to do it anyway then I need to fucking own it and stop beating myself up about it unnecessarily.

I think I've sufficiently covered here how the nature of this 'brutal external punishment' doesn't matter - it could be crying with embarrassment because you spilt milk (make note of how common it is for depressed people to cry over tiny things - I'm now very aware of just how much of that crying was actually embarrassment), it could be literal self-flagellation for sinful thoughts, or it could be sexual punishment for some unknown humiliation - likely, for a woman, the humiliation of being a sexually desiring being with true eros, believing that to be a sign of your inherent evil animalistic nature, and agreeing with the pornographic man that you as a woman innately deserve violence.

I now recognise that as a subjective individual I do not 'deserve' anything; I simply want, and I would rather want to feel good for its own sake than go through the complicated mental gymnastics of inventing a form of morality that sounds good, pretending it didn't come from me and instead it's 'purely logical', and then tearing myself asunder trying to reach this moral perfection that I clearly have no interest in achieving. Instead it's been much more peaceful to reel it all back in and put myself as my natural focus. Depression used to feel comfortable, punishing myself emotionally used to feel comfortable - but now I have a different option for myself, I realise that comfort was just sunk-cost fallacy. Sunk-cost fallacy is inherently embarrassing; it's a narrative in-and-of itself. So rejecting this cosmic embarrassment also requires me to reject the embarrassment of the sunk-cost fallacy. I did what I believed to be right according to the information I had at the time; I now have a different option, and I prefer the consequences of that.

[not-poignant]

OMG, I literally found your Astarion/Raphael fic yesterday, desperately looking for something like it. So happy someone else had the same brain worms as me XD

I was wondering if I could pick your brain a bit about what kind of direction you think you will take the fic? I was wondering if you had any plans in your head or if you are just following the vibes so to speak.

Especially with Raphael being in the pairing, I wondered if this is more of a "It turns out they are actually good for each other" kind of thing or more of a "Astarion has to find out what his life is going to be now/get over some things and Raphael will enjoy every second of making him squirm" kind of thing.

In any case, I am looking forward to reading more, thank you :)

Hi hi,

So I guess answering this would kind of be talking about really end-game spoilers, but I also don't have a plan for this story beyond Astarion/Raphael, and 'hopeful ending.'

(I mean I do have more than that, I just don't know how much of that I want to reveal at this stage, when it's only chapter 5, and this story could easily be over 40 chapters long - there's a lot of potential for change and growth that could alter the trajectory of the relationship in a lot of different directions.'

What I will say is that:

I do not consider Astarion giving into a regular non-consensual situation and just accepting it and making painful peace with it, a hopeful ending type situation. Agency is important to me in my characters. Even if he one day decides to voluntarily submit to scenes he doesn't love - that would at least be a choice. Anything done while under contract with difficult consequences will not be where the hopeful ending happens.

It's an Astarion/Raphael story, therefore the hopeful ending will be an Astarion/Raphael ending. That's just how my brain works. It will not be a 'they break up and THAT'S why it's hopeful.' However, the end may not have a conventional looking relationship. And I've written unconventional endings in relationships before (like Stuck on the Puzzle)

For me, a hopeful ending (as opposed to a happy ending) means that we have to have confidence in the idea that Astarion's life will continue to improve and get better even after the story has ended. There's now enough evidence that he has enough enrichment and potentially for happiness in his life, that he won't downward spiral like he has in the same way again. This means he needs - more support, more healing, healthier avenues for communication even if the relationship isn't healthy overall all the time/every second, and some pretty big personal realisations about what he wants in life. Hopeful ending is both 'better than where we found him, but also genuinely, when most people think on the last chapter, they think 'he's got some ways to go in healing, but I really think he's/they're going to be okay'' not just physically, but also emotionally, spiritually, mentally.

Those are the things I'm happy to reveal because that's how I feel about almost all of my hopeful endings. That's what that means to me.

I do think Raphael and Astarion can actually be good for each other, but I think we're missing huge pieces of the puzzle as to why that's true. Because we're missing so much of Raphael's post-death story, because he's deliberately hiding it.

But we'll find out more soon. At some point, High Inquisitor Verillius Receptor will visit, and then we'll find out a lot more, lol.

(Also yeah this story will be long, easily I suspect around 150k in length as a baseline - we're on an emotional journey folks! Sometimes the growth will be healthy, sometimes it'll be negative, we're going in all the directions lmao).

[loemius]

hi! just wanna say that your blog looks super interesting and i'm glad i came across it 😊 i'm wondering if you have any advice for someone new getting into hellenic polytheism. i have been really delving into my views on spirituality and religion for the first time in my life over the past year. i've been venerating Hekate a lot because of the deep calling i feel towards her. i've been thinking more and more about properly worshipping the other gods in the pantheon as well. i've always been very interested in all the mythology too. it feels right to start on so many levels but i am also so nervous at the same time :')

khaire!! thank you very much for your ask!! i'm very touched that you enjoy my blog so much and would ask for my advice. i'd love to give you some, with the caveat that i am absolutely not an expert or an authority and still have a lot to learn myself. i'm literally just a guy who loves the theoi a lot and does my best to worship them and honor them. this got very long so im gonna put this under a cut

first, i would encourage you to work past your nervousness. remember that historically speaking, children worshipped the theoi! there's plenty of evidence of this, from the rituals that youths would do as they became adults (such as cutting a lock of hair and offering it to the river [see iliad book 23 and pausanias 2.32.1 for primary sources on this, as a starting point]) or epithets like kourotropos (roughly translated to 'child nurturer', many theoi have this epithet, including hekate!). don't be scared of them. the theoi are gracious and good, and imo, they're very understanding. when i first started out, i prayed and basically said 'i'm new to this, i want to jump in and do my best, but i'm still learning. please be gentle and understanding to me as i embark on this path, and please guide me to worship you as you see fit.' i think being upfront about it really helps. i see a lot of people say that they want to worship but don't feel like they've done enough research or aren't ready for whatever reason. but you also have to start somewhere, and experience is a valuable tool on this path. it enriches your research to be doing it with a purpose, imo. you have to start somewhere yknow? as long as you're respectful, the theoi will be understanding, imo. i would highly, HIGHLY suggest you spend a lot of time researching. theoi.com is an invaluable resource. i also suggest perseus.edu, which is a digital library that has a wide collection of primary sources, including the epics and plays. i personally suggest the homeric hymns as a starting point, as most of them are rather short and approachable and make fantastic prayers to read aloud. i also suggest reading the epics and plays if you're able. secondary sources are also good. greek religion by walter burkert is a good source. i also suggest understanding greek religion by jennifer larson. people have a lot of divisive opinions on this one, but i think household worship by labrys can be a helpful source for what to do when it actually comes to doing your own worship and rituals. i also like hellenion as a source. use your discretion and critical thinking with all these sources. no one source is perfect. compare and contrast, look for biases, cross check. also, get interdisciplinary with it! look into theology, archeology, anthropology, philosophy, classics. don't be afraid to look in multiple places for information to piece it all together.

another suggestion i have is to spend some time immersing yourself in greek culture, both ancient and modern. religion and culture are deeply intertwined, and understanding the specific ways in which greeks view things will help you greatly. and look outside of greece too! ancient greece had a lot of contact with other areas of the world like italy, the middle east, and egypt, even india, and this absolutely influenced the religion and culture. be respectful to mediterranean people, and listen and elevate their voices. i very much like the blogs @/gemsofgreece and @/alatismeni-theitsa. you're not just learning about a religion, but an entire culture that still exists in the world today. here's my general worship advice: cleansing is important, but it doesn't have to be anything more than washing your hands before an offering or ritual. if you have a space for the theoi, try to keep it clean. offerings can be as simple or grand as you like. i find a lot of beauty in the simple things. a glass of water or sharing a meal goes a LONG way. clean, fresh water was a very coveted thing in the ancient world, so sharing a glass of water is honestly one of my favorite offerings. you can share your meal by praying over it and inviting the theoi to eat the steam/smells of the meal, or you could set aside a little plate for them if you wanted to (NOTE: traditionally, it is considered taboo to share offerings with kthonic deities. they were traditionally buried, and libations were poured onto the ground. in the modern day, i think setting things aside to be appropriately disposed of later or pouring things down the drain can be an acceptable substitute. its fine to share with ouranic deities!). really, just find little ways to involve them in your day to day life. pray. pray a lot, about anything, big or small. express gratitude to the theoi for the things you appreciate in your life, and share your struggles with them. it doesn't have to be formal (but it should be respectful). nurture your connections with the theoi and allow them to nurture you right back. do not feel obligated to share every part of your practice, especially online. keeping things to yourself or a close group of trusted friends can really be beneficial to you. truthfully i only post like .5% of my practice on this website. inherently, polytheistic practice in the modern day is a very personal practice. what might be a sign to you might not be to others. imo, the theoi reach out to us in ways that make sense to us, with the context and knowledge we have available, and that means its not always going to make sense to others. your practice should be for you and nobody else.

when it comes down to it, i suppose my advice is simple. research and just reach out. realize you're going to make mistakes sometimes (i have!) but as long as you have good intentions and respect the theoi, you'll be just fine. mistakes are a part of growing. don't beat yourself up over them -- use them as an opportunity to learn. we're only human, and the gods know this. your practice is going to change as you develop relationships with the theoi and learn more about them. things you might have resonated with at one point might not hit the same later on down the road, and thats okay! embrace that as a feature of polytheism, not a flaw. i realize i've given a lot of advice and this can be rather overwhelming. i've given you multiple places to start researching, and i absolutely was overwhelmed (and still am sometimes) with just how much information is out there. that is a blessing in hellenic polytheism. not every polytheistic religion has that wealth of information available, so take advantage of it, but do it in a way that's approachable for you. since you're interested in hekate, i would highly suggest you start with looking into deipnon . tldr its a monthly holiday on the new moon that honors hekate and her role in leading spirits, as well as purification for a new month. cleaning and purification of your home, food offerings, and charity acts are all great ways to honor this holiday. from there, you can easily incorporate noumenia and agaithos daimon (holidays to celebrate the beginning of a new month, usually devoted to zeus and other household gods such as apollon). ive really went off on a tangent here, so i'll cut myself off here. thank you again for asking a fantastic question, and i hope my answer can be of assistance to you and anyone else who might be in your position. may the gods bless you and look after you, and guide you with a kind hand as you embark on this journey. and have a great day and a fantastic meal friend <3

[pilferingapples]

LM 4.8.5 : Things of the Night

 A black figure barring the way stops the wild beast short. That which emerges from the cemetery intimidates and disconcerts that which emerges from the cave; the ferocious fear the sinister; wolves recoil when they encounter a ghoul.

RIGHT so with that summary of yesterday's chapter--

I've written before on how I think Les Miserables is not a realistic novel , and adaptations that treat it as such are making a mistake ; it's a Romantic novel, and that means that a certain level of magic is allowed and in, the case of Les Mis , explicit.

This book is full of ghosts-- there's Fantine's spirit, always close to Cosette, showing up first in the woods of Monterfermeil:

... she was a child of eight: no one but God saw that sad thing at the moment. And her mother, no doubt, alas! For there are things that make the dead open their eyes in their graves. - The Little One All Alone

and lingers partly -seen at times at times in the text:

The more sacred this shade was to him, the more did it seem that it was to be feared. He thought of Fantine, and felt himself overwhelmed with silence. Through the darkness, he vaguely perceived something which appeared to have its finger on its lips... Was Jean Valjean unconsciously submitting to the pressure? We who believe in death, are not among the number who will reject this mysterious explanation. - Change of Gate

even , it seems, sometimes actually touching Cosette:

Cosette was meditating; an objectless sadness was taking possession of her little by little, that invincible sadness evoked by the evening, and which arises, perhaps, who knows, from the mystery of the tomb which is ajar at that hour. Perhaps Fantine was within that shadow. - Enriched with Commentaries By Toussaint

There's also Myriel's ghost looking on at Valjean at his death, Valjean's brother (if you believe he really had a brother) visiting in his dream ...

Les Miserables is a haunted novel. The convent is a ghost, even in its introduction; Paris of the past is a ghost. The narrative acknowledges it. And for people in the book, there are more ways than dying of entering the uncanny. The Amis may not exactly be ghosts (except , perhaps, Prouvaire and Bahorel) but they're walking under a prophecy from their introduction. Gavroche has some sort of spiritual avatar connection with Paris. Cosette and Eponine are both fairy creatures in their turn, when they're slipping through the cracks of the human world-- but then Cosette is pulled back to humanity by Valjean's intervention and love, and Eponine...

Eponine becomes this.

There's a line about magic I've seen a few places that goes something like: you can't make magic with someone else's heart. You have to give it yours, and you have to mean it.

I think that's what Eponine did when she faced down her father and the Patron Minette. She offered up her life for the power to change how things were going; and something accepted. She may not have died on the spot, but her life is not life anymore; now it's This. She certainly will have the power to change how the story goes from now on, but she's changed states of being now. (Could she still become human again, without her physical death? I think so; but it's no longer as easy as it would have been in Mabeuf's garden.)

I think modern readers (including the ones who make adaptations) struggle with acknowledging the fantastic as the fantastic in stories that aren't expressly fantasy (or maybe Magical Realism). But Hugo isn't dealing with those expectations; he's a writer who fully believed in the invisible and supernatural world , inextricable from the real one. There's no contradiction, only a thin separation.

And Eponine is standing in both of them now.

[cherrylng]

Muse Discography [CROSSBEAT (November 2009)]

MUSE DISCOGRAPHY Text by Akiko Mima

#01 Showbiz Warner WPCR-12336 (1999) Generally speaking, a debut album is often attractive because of the initial impulsiveness and rough-hewn energy of a young band, but Muse's first album is somewhat different.

The ensemble is so skillful that it's hard to believe that this is from a band of 20-year-old newcomers. It was also true that, by this time, five years had already passed since the band's formation. The band's debut was often compared to Radiohead, due in part to Matthew Bellamy's emotional singing, but even back then they had established a "unique Muse personality", recognisable on first listen, with a romantic worldview that digested classical music influences with an alternative generation's sense of style.

The album was produced by John Leckie, who had worked on the debut albums of Kula Shaker and Spiritualized, and Paul Reeve, engineer for Razorlight and Supergrass. This is a super-newcomer album in every respect.

#02 Origin of Symmetry Warner WPCR-12560 (2001) Starting with "New Born", which sparks a dramatic, passionate, Rachmaninoff-esque piano introduction that suddenly changes dramatically, sparking a passionate emotion. The album also includes "Plug in Baby", an ironclad number that instantly reaches a climax when played live, a bluesy Nina Simone cover of "Feeling Good", and the progressive last track "Megalomania", and many more, this is a second album that is well worth listening to, with a wide variety of songs in a variety of styles. The band's arrangements and musicianship are outstanding, especially among their contemporaries.

The band's wide range of styles, where opposing elements such as movement and stillness, light and shadow, heat and cold coexist in extreme forms within a single song, is truly a 'rollercoaster to listen to'. It's the same in that once you get on, you can't help but be tossed around until you get off.

This is one album that has made a definite impression on Muse's high potential as a band and the scale of their work.

#03 Absolution Warner WPCR-13672 (2003) This is a work that takes the Muse signature established on the previous two albums and scales it up to the point of excess. Dynamic grooves with a strong rhythm section, distortion guitars, and a raging cannon of distortion guitars, generally hard and heavy, but on "Blackout" and "Butterflies", the band also added a 98-layer overdubbed chorus to the backdrop of already passionate vocals. The chorus is so elaborate that it has so many overdubbed layers (laughs). The 32-piece orchestra was also used for the first time, and the excesses of everything were astonishing. Matthew's piano playing is so spectacular that even the passionate pianist Rachmaninoff would run away with his tail between his legs. The highlight of the evening was "Stockholm Syndrome". This song is a condensation of what Matthew once described as "the beauty of extreme conditions", in other words, the essence of Muse.

The album was their first UK No.1. The following year, they played the Glastonbury festival, cementing their status as Britain's national band.

#04 Black Holes and Revelations Warner WPCR-12306 (2006) A kind of conceptual work in which the progressive, epic orientation of the band's earlier work was extended to the whole album. The recording took place in an old castle in the south of France, where the three members lived together. This experiment seems to have brought a further enrichment to the sound, in terms of solidifying the band's unity and future direction once more.

The band played a funk-digested "Supermassive Black Hole", "Map of the Problematique", a melancholic New Wave-style number reminiscent of New Order, "Soldier's Poem" which was softly played in a simple acoustic set, the anthemic "Invincible", and the overwhelming space opera “Knights of Cydonia”, which delivers a powerful message with a Queen-like chorus — a band's ability to realise a wide variety of ideas and realise them is undeniable. An unbeatable masterpiece that shows the profound world of Muse in all its glory.

#05 The Resistance Warner WPCR-13629 (2009) Their first new album in three years was produced by the three of them alone, with no deadlines set, and they worked on it until they were satisfied with their work.

The first single, "Uprising", is a standout, but overall the album is a departure from the conventional "This is Muse!" manner and pursuing new methods and textures. The number of mid to down-tempo songs has increased, and it can be seen that the band has paid more attention to the expression of detailed emotions rather than intense passions.

In particular, "United States of Eurasia" is a song that is an authentic inheritance of Led Zeppelin's sense of eclecticism and Queen's dignity. The shift to Chopin's "Nocturne No. 2" played by Matthew in the second half is also excellent. The combination of ideas, musicianship and sense of style all come together at a high level to create a work of contemporary rock that is a perfect example of the word 'majestic'. It's a rare and remarkable album that anyone can listen to and think it's a good album, in the opposite sense of the word 'greatest common denominator'.

B-Sides & Live

Hullabaloo Soundtrack Warner WPCR 12849-50 (2002) A 2-CD set consisting of Disc-1, a compilation of coupling tracks from singles released between 1999 and 2001, and Disc-2, a CD of tracks from the live DVD of the same name, which is presented in a separate box. Disc-1 includes "Map of Your Head", a slow, Hawaiian-esque guitar strumming song, "Shine", which has a Radiohead-esque atmosphere, "Shine", a heavy, fast bass riff and a haunting "Shine", and "Ashamed", which has a fast-paced heavy bass riff. There are also songs with a slightly unusual tension that are typical of coupling songs, making it a great listen. The live performance features a super-duper dynamic ensemble pushing the limits of a three-piece band.

DVD

HULLABALOO - LIVE AT LE ZENITH PARIS WARNER 5046682692 (2002) There are three video works. "Hullabaloo", which was recorded at a performance in Paris in 2001, is characterised by its dynamic camerawork. The three musicians' playability is so high that even a single guitar solo is jaw-dropping. The three are full of spirit, yet somehow calm and composed, and their demeanour is also a sight to behold. The extraordinary ability of the young Muse was already on display from this moment on.

Live From Absolution Tour Warner WPBR 90551 (2005) Live From Absolution Tour is the band's most famous live performance to date, with a series of dramatic songs, a flawless performance, and a fast-paced, freewheeling structure. The content is packed with pride as the best live band of modern times. There was also the tragic incident of drummer Dominic Howard's father dying backstage after the show, and for better or worse, it was a night the band will never forget.

HAARP Warner WPZR 30267-8 (2008) HAARP is a live CD+DVD from Wembley Stadium in 2007. The set was even more diverse, including some of the larger scale songs from the album Black Holes and Revelations. The band's live ability to whip a crowd of 80,000 into a melting pot of frenzy with just the four of them, including supporting keyboards, is simply overwhelming. The content, filled with godlike brilliance, is a historic performance on a par with The Who's Leeds and Oasis' Knebworth.

Translator's Note: "Cherry, you've already translated their discography before. Everyone already knows it." And you'll get to know it again!

[divinum-pacis]

This is an opinion article by Thomas Reese.

Read below:

"Many people give up on religion when what they really need to do is change their image of God and how they relate to him. Too many people, when they grow older, give up on the God they learned about as children. What they really need to do is think about God in a more mature way. 

This can be a crisis of faith for many people, especially young people who can no longer relate to the God they learned about as children. Too often, priests will tell them that this is a temptation. They are told to have greater faith. Hold on to their God and don’t let go.

In truth, when someone is undergoing a crisis of faith, they may need to leave their old image of God for a new one. We need to change our understanding of God as we mature, just as we need to change our understanding of our parents as we mature.

Psychologists, like Erik Erikson, teach us that humans go through stages of development as they mature. The great Catholic mystics taught the same thing for centuries when they wrote of the purgative, contemplative and unitive ways. More recently, spiritual writers like James Fowler have used modern psychology to enrich our understanding of spiritual development.

My own simplified vision of spiritual development has three stages: turning away from sin, the practice of virtue and being embraced by God’s love. These stages are not airtight compartments but more a matter of emphasis. All our lives involve turning away from sin and practicing virtue, but the emphasis will be different as we mature.

Many of the greatest saints were first great sinners. They had to go through a conversion, reject sin, do penance and accept God’s mercy. Many Christian ministers put a great emphasis on this process, focusing on sin and the need for conversion in their preaching. Their God is a lawgiver and judge and sometimes even a policeman. God’s wrath will fall on sinners, but his mercy will come to those who turn away from sin.

Pentecostals, Baptists and conservative Catholics are good at challenging sinners and calling them to repent. This approach can be especially successful in dealing with prisoners and those with addictions.

Knowing that God is watching can also keep ordinary Christians from falling into sin. The fear of getting caught and punished keeps many people from doing wrong. We are like children who behave because we don’t want to be spanked.

The prayer life of a person at this stage of development is all about contrition, recognizing we are sinners and saying we are sorry. If we hear the parable of the prodigal son, we identify with  the prodigal and his brother, and how we are just like them. We spend a lot of time examining our conscience and listing all the sins we have committed in confession.

At this stage, God can sometimes come across as arbitrary and vindictive. When I was a child in the 1950s, we were taught that it was a mortal sin to eat meat on Friday or miss Mass on Sunday. Adolescents were told that they would go to hell if they enjoyed a “dirty thought.” Wives were told to stick with their husbands, even in cases of abuse.

For many, it seemed absurd to burn in hell alongside Hitler for eating a hamburger on Friday. This was a God who could be easily rejected.

At some point after turning away from serious sin, a Christian needs to move on from a focus on sin to a focus on the practice of virtue. If you are no longer a great sinner, it is time to move from the negative to the positive. We need to move from “How can I stop sinning?” to “How can I be a better Christian?” Scrupulosity is a sure sign that it is time to move on.

In this second stage of spiritual development, God is not so much a judge as a coach. We ask him for help to be a better Christian. He urges us on to greater and greater virtue. When we pray and read the Gospels, we don’t focus on sin, but on Jesus as the person we want to follow and imitate. “What can I do for the Lord?” “How can I be better?”

Most Christians spend most of their lives at this stage of spiritual development. We are not great sinners, but neither are we saints who practice the virtues perfectly. We try to be better but frequently fail. We don’t pray well, we don’t love as much as we should, we struggle and don’t seem to get better.

This can get tiresome after a while. The coach wants us to run faster, but we know we are never going to win a gold medal. We begin to resent the coach for asking too much of us.

At this stage of development, we are like a teenager trying to win someone’s love with the perfect clothes, hairstyle, makeup, conversation and social media. We are looking in the mirror all the time, not at the person we are with. By being good, we think we will earn God’s love.

In the third stage of spiritual development, we focus not on ourselves but on God. We look less at the prodigal son and his brother than at their father. Many Scripture scholars call the story the parable of the prodigal father because of the love that he showers upon his sons.

When we look at Jesus in the Gospels, we see someone who will not just tell us to stop sinning and follow him. Rather he is someone who is wonderful and who tells us about his Father, who is loving and compassionate. In this stage of development, we are not looking for sin or ways to be better; we are looking at the Scriptures to learn how awesome and wonderful God is.

I sometimes think that the hardest act of faith is not to believe a particular dogma but to believe that God loves us unconditionally, that above, behind and in the universe is a benevolent God.

In each stage of spiritual development, our prayer life is different. In the first stage it is mostly contrition (I am sorry), in the second stage it is mostly petition (help me) and in the third stage it is mostly thanksgiving and adoration (you are amazing).

To truly fall in love, we must forget ourselves and focus on the person in front of us. God is amazing and we give thanks to him for all that he has done for us. In the final stage of spiritual development, we fall in love. We aren’t good out of fear or to win God’s love; we are loving and kind because God has first loved us."

[pocket-stars]

Kaiyan love stealing things. Why? Enrichment?

they are a little bit of a kleptomaniac, but it’s way more than that!

in my splooniverse, the area surrounding splatsville was once part of Ishuba, the octarian country. it was one of the last places to be overtaken by the inklings, mostly due to the undesirable climate, and modern splatsville still has a lot of Ishuben descendants. there is still an abandoned city in the mountains that was never redeveloped due to how remote it is, and for decades it was never touched…

remember when nintendo gave us this and didn’t do anything with it?

well i’m not nintendo! Kaiyan, aka neo agent 3, is one of many bandits that steals from the abandoned city. it still connects to splatsville by that train, from way back when it still belonged to Ishuba. the city is pretty dilapidated, so it takes skill, courage, and maybe stupidity to roam around certain areas. Kai has all 3 of these things.

it started out as something they did for money when they and their sister were struggling- hop on the train, explore for a while, find some expensive jewelry or valuable art pieces, go home, repeat. over time, it became more of a hobby, and something they did for their community. they would bring important spiritual / cultural items back to give to Ishuben families- descendants or those who escaped from the domes. they weren’t just in it for the money, though they still sold a lot of what they stole, and didn’t put high prices on any of it.

at the time that they started, the community there was pretty laid back, as the city was massive and hadn’t been disturbed. but over time, as the untouched areas of the city shrank, people got more territorial. people marked different buildings with ink symbols, and if they caught someone trespassing, they’d splat them. many of the bandits- including kai- had motorcycles for traversing the city, transporting their loot, and chasing eachother around. kaiyan even does illegal street racing with a few other bandit gangs to see which one of them would win in a chase- this is an intimidation tactic by the winner, and usually keeps them out of trouble for a while

deep cut is there too! remember in alterna they were bandits and nintendo never really did anything with that? they steal from this city too to make money for their community. they don’t really like kai because kai intentionally doesn’t make a lot of money off of things they could be making more money off of.

kaiyan also found lil buddy’s egg here…

[iamnotshazam]

The Elder Scrolls daedra lore: Malacath isn't trapped in a new, unfavorable form because of a cruel trick Boethiah played on him. He's trapped in a different, misunderstood form because Boethiah tried to do him a favor in the only way Boethiah knew how - and perhaps she did not realize Malacath would be so intolerably Aedric as to never understand.

What else is the cycle of life and death, birth and rebirth, on Earth as well as Nirn, but to consume and be consumed? Our wastes are as fertile and important to the world as our prized creations. Boethiah knew this, as well as Lorkhan, and it parallels lessons of many of the 'nastier' Daedra - ex. Peryite, Namira, Mehrunes Dagon.

One story of how Boethiah tricked Malacath has the hallmarks of a moralistic fairy tale. Boethiah pretends to be a series of ugly, sick, and (most importantly) old humans, and Trinimac does not want to help them, even though Boethiah is giving something in return. Trinimac does so only because he gave his word but he does it while cringing. When Boethiah becomes beautiful and hale, and young, then Trinimac rushes to help and is swallowed whole.

What is this story but a clear fable to not take beauty as it first appears? To try to help people for help's own sake, not because you gave your word? To not mind sickness and age, hallmarks of approaching death, and to approach with compassion? You're on the Mundus. You and Auriel chose to stay and help the mortals, because you think that mortality is a curse but the spirits are still worth salvaging. Are you really so shallow? And when Trinimac failed the test Boethiah gave to show how he might improve - chomp.

How does an immortal being change? I mean really change, because a hallmark of Daedra is they don't change, unless interrupted and somehow . . . dealt upon by something stronger than them. I don't think Boethiah was stronger than Trinimac, champion of the Aedra. But what Boethiah did struck Trinimac so sideways he was shocked enough he didn't react until it was too late. Boethiah's actions afterwards seem less like the cunning victory of a schemer typical of the Prince of Plots and more like a dog that caught the car. They didn't quite know what to do with victory over Trinimac so they started running around making him seem like a gross idiot.

And they were doubly surprised when Trinimac did not fight his way out. Was their idea working? Was the actual lesson seeping in? So she gave up the massive advantage she had over this powerful rival in order to end the farce - she shat him out.

It was the final pièce de résistance to what she wanted to show the snobbish Aedra and their followers. Lorkhan's deceit and entrapment happened. It's already done. There is more to be gained by helping each other overcome challenges and enriching the spiritual soil of Mundus than to hold oneself above others when you are just as vulnerable. Just as changeable. You chose to be here. Now actually be a part of the stream of changing shape and form.

She miscalculated. Perhaps she didn't realize the true depth of pride and willfulness in Trinimac, or the sensation of being digested was more awful than she herself, Daedric and unchanging, could realize. She shat him out. The prank went too far.

It changed him into the Daedric Prince of refusing to change.

But there are signs of Malacath having much more potential for growth and prosperity than he does now. The Ashpits are barren and near-lifeless but they are also the Ashpits, enriched soil full to bursting with the fertility of life-from-death. The remaining faithful covered themself with nightsoil to be like their leader. What if they had used it in fields instead? Malacath tries to grow a garden. It doesn't do well.

The tragedy of his existence is not that the garden doesn't grow. It's that it could, but in some way he chooses for it not to.

also she shat him out like what the fuck boethiah

[isalisewrites]

i've found terrible but great back when it had i think around 50000 words, but for some reason stopped for a while--to know that it has 100k plus words now and more on the way is insane and i'm so so happy about it!!

but my question really is this, since i haven't read it for a while and last i checked your author's note had that you had escaped a cult? i hope you're doing better now! and hope this isn't a little too personal to ask but what happened?

(absolutely feel free to ignore really)

Hello, anon!

I never left Mormonism; I am an active nonbeliever. I never told my family about the change in my beliefs either and I still attend church every Sunday to support my family. I have been in a very good mental place surrounding Mormonism and I am unaffected by whatever is taught in church.

I kept silent about my beliefs because no one ever reacts well to it. I didn't want to break their hearts either.

Your eternal salvation hangs by the thread of your belief and faithfulness to Mormonism.

My unbelief would be devastating to them.

But sometimes a new chapter is opened, even against your will.

A close family found my Isalise identity two weeks and found out about my nonbelief status a couple of days after going on a deep dive on me behind my back. Extensive texts where exchanged where I was bombarded with falsehoods about my intentions and my actions. I tried to respond in calmness, shared something sacred and personal, but I only got a cold reply in return. When I responded with firm unwavering language defending myself and called out inappropriate behavior, this family member effectively cut me off. As of last night.

I must admit, I grow weary of Mormonism taking from me what does not belong to it.

But I will not apologize for my actions; I did nothing wrong. I will not waver. I will not collapse. If a single person sees this, who is deeply hurting because their family chose religion over them, then I hope to be a beacon of hope, love, and kindness. I will do my utmost to share my strength with you.

It will be okay. You will be okay.

You are strong.

You are wonderful.

You are good enough.

You are spiritually free.

You are beautiful.

You are powerful.

When I experience an influx of negativity or cruelty against me, my natural inclination to reach out to someone who is hurting and try to ease some of their pain. May all who are hurting feel the unconditional love of a random woman on the internet who just wants to spend her days writing stories about gay wizards.

Hey, you are loved. Don't forget that.

Keep your chin up. Keep doing the best you can. Be kind when you're hated, but do not coddle or appease. Spread love when hatred is thrown at you, but don't roll over and take it. Follow your highest excitement, no matter how small it may be. Follow the path of what brings you joy.

What's the best that can happen?

Show us how good it can get.

And create.

Create. Create. Create.

Bring into life what was not there before. Your creation will enrich the lives of others in an never ending cycle.

[cheerfullycatholic]

Hello--I have sent asks to other Catholics and am a little scared that I will confuse details between them because I am upset and afraid right now, but will you please pray for me?

I have been failing miserably at following any of the plans I set out for Lent, and on Ash Wednesday, our priest told us that Lent is a contract with God, meaning that if we don't follow through or aren't really committed then it isn't God who comes to collect and give you blessing, but it is the Devil who swoops into fulfill his job as Satan.

I'm sorry for sending this on anonymous--this plan is posted very publicly on my side blog, but it wouldn't let me ask under that name and I don't want people connecting the two. Anyway, I would talk to my current and local priest about this, but I have previously been involved in a controversy with members of the Diocese because of some things I believed, and I don't want to drag those still active members into more drama, nor do I want to end hurting new people who are only trying to serve my community as best they can.

I'm scared of judgement, drama, and unintended consequences. I only want to do the right thing. I'm scared, upset, feeling very alone and worried that God is not happy with me because I am failing so hard at these things I agreed to. I've been getting positive signs, but I am afraid that I am only reading into it what will comfort me and not taking srsly the consequences or the intentions of my actions. I know my current priest believes very heavily in spiritual warfare and I am afraid he will try to exorcise me or that I will end up being condemned.

{{{{{Lenten Plans from the Universe/The Messiah/The Golden Timeline (02/13/24)

Okay so basically, here is the plan--handed down through divine intuition or signs or whatever gave me the information--I trust the information source--so here's my spiritual cleanse for the 40 days:

3 days of (as close as possible) no sleep--72 straight hours--then 2 days of regular sleep schedule for the next 40 days

40 days of no more than 1200 calories every day

40 days no spend (outside of food and bills)

40 days (at least) of no medication (exception--Excedrin Migraine but only in extreme situations...)

Increased prayer/communing/sign reading

***I want to be clear that this is something that I am doing for my own spiritual cleanse and enlightenment and enrichment and etc; I'm not advertising this as a responsible or safe or anything--this isn't a recommendation--you're welcome to join me in an attempt but consult with your own support system including mental health team.***}}}}}

I am in contact with my mental health team, including my therapist and they are aware of what I am doing, and they are trying to support me, but they aren't Catholic, and they don't know the anxieties that come with the rituals and traditions of the Church. I am very scared, and I hope you are having a beautiful Lent. God bless you; I know if you find my side blog that it has a lot of very controversial statements about the Church and my beliefs--but I'm trying my best to make sense of what is happening, and I do not want to be insulting. I'm scared about that too--that all the Catholic blogs I admire will find that place where I explore spirituality and think I am being flippant or cruel or sacrilegious when I don't mean it that way at all. I am confused, scared, and very, very much trying to do what is right. God bless you and thank you for reading this--I understand if you do not post this, but I would still appreciate prayers--I know you are kind enough to pray for me even if I am a blasphemer. I will keep you in my prayers as well.

Of course I'll pray, but I also need to say something

Lent isn't a contract, it's a time of prayer and fasting in preparation for the Resurrection. God isn't looking down on us with a giant microscope to see who stumbles with their Lenten promises to add to His list of naughty kids, that's not how it works and your priest is wrong. It's human to mess up sometimes, especially with promises as extreme as yours. Thankfully, God is merciful enough to not condemn us for it. Now, I do believe the devil can use moments when we stumble for his own gain, but we can stop him by not feeling discouraged and continuing on as best as we can. Media has made the devil out to be this scary, unmovable force, but he's not. He's a weenie

I really like this quote from an article I once read on Grotto Network

If you have fallen away from your Lenten practice, there’s no scorebook where you’ll be penalized. It might be a good time to re-evaluate what you are committing to and why, and to listen for ways the Lord might be leading you in a new direction. In Lent, we remember Jesus who himself fell three times en route to Calvary. And three times he got back up and continued on. In Lent, as in all seasons, Jesus is our companion and guide. No matter how perfectly we’ve executed our Lenten disciplines so far, it’s never too late to continue to walk with Him toward Good Friday and Easter Sunday.