#it wont go until i do the other thing
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Me: i am absolutely going to focus on work today and not be distracted by fanfiction.
Traitorous email: [Writer I'm subscribed to] has posted chapter x of [fanfic I'm reading.]
Me: well fuck.
#is itchy brain a symptom of ADHD?#i screened positive for ADHD recently#and now it's making me question all my idiosyncrasies#like i can focus on a thing for a time#but if there is something distracting#its like my brain itches and it drives me wild.#it wont go until i do the other thing#even if the other thing will absolutely get me the sack.#it really is like having an itch you cant scratch its that kind of frustration#and when i do the thing the relief i feel is exactly like scratching an itch.#adhd
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#kazjun#jun kazama#kazuya mishima#tekkenedit#tekken#my edit#my stuff#if these don't sync up (bc the kaz gif ended up a lil bigger in filesize somehow) pls refresh until they do!!#i love their mannerisms here as they face each other. jun's slightly bowed head but intense unwavering gaze#kazuya's head gesture that could honestly mean so many things all at once#one thing i love most is jun as the immovable object with the defensive style stays in place with her low centre of gravity#while kaz unstoppable force himself is the opposite. he moves around the most before settling into stance. they are always contrasting.#i picked this stage for the aesthetic - got to go a bit crazy with the colours but also there are red spider lilies which i love#there's other reasons i wont get into. but will say this stage gave me the theory that the tekken tag games take place in jin's mind.
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i wrote this as a joke because I wanted to strangle a guy watching tiktoks without headphones on the bus, but im genuinely disturbed that we've gotten to a point where convenience comes first. and it depresses me even more that its used to justify and monetize greed
#like we have so many ways of doing things that could help us in the long run but because we're told it requires more work we just cant#its too resource intensive. or maybe its too much to maintain. we have to overlook benefits so money can go into more important things#we teach each other to do things a certain way so it works for everyone but who was it convenient for first? what abt who it might hurt?#i have to wonder if the rules our current system uses is worth listening to or following if it doesnt have our best interests in mind. u an#me and the ppl around us.. would we be better off if i ate my meals knowing the person who grew it wanted to feed others the way they could#feed themselves? and that isnt to say we're going to be happy doing it but i guess satisfied that its helping someone instead of quietly#accepting that itll eventually go in the dumpster behind a grocery store because it stopped looking appetizing or it wasnt on sale anymore#what about building homes so we can shelter each other? what if we were satisfied with what we did because we knew it would be paid back#with kindness? isnt that what we evolved to do?? heal each others bones and tell stories and help each other??#why dont houses come with solar panels or generators unless we find a way to make people pay to use the sun? why is our pooled money used#to fund genocides instead of education and hospitals? whose interests and convenience came first when we started this??#i wont pretend to know the answer because i dont. but we all know we're miserable and im sorry to say that i cant see myself fighting#for a world that wont fight for me too. why do we work if we cant live from it?? why did they stop us from plucking more teeth from our#bosses until they could build more walls around themselves and then go back to underpaying us??#im so tired. i cant even imagine making it to age 70#yapping#vent
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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well that was a shortlived good feeling about my job
#maybe i should just become unemployed. maybe i should just suffer!#recap of todays further events .#that supervisor? who i kinda didnt already like but now absolutely hate?#she came down to confirm that i wasnt leaving. okay . and then she fucking tells me#oh we're going to get another person to help out from this other company. we were going to do that bc we thought you were leaving#but she thinks that even if im staying there should be another person on this floor. bc apparently more has to be done#and there are 'constant complaints' abt this floor . which doesnt make sense to me bc there shouldnt be#and so we're waiting to see what the manager decides but hes on fucking vacation and wont get back until. next week??#she said she was gonna email him and like right after she left i emailed and texted him explaining everything#and trying to very nicely say hey what the fuck are you doing you don't need to hire anyone else#and if im doing a bad job fucking tell me so i can do it better. bitch#and she had the nerve to fucking tell me when she was talking to me#that i wont find an easier job than this one#well if its so fucking easy why are we hiring someone else#by the way getting that extra person from this other company doesnt cost them anything which is why theyre doing it i think#which is making me not feel good abt my own future lmao. like why would they keep paying me when they can get someone for free#and she was saying all this stuff like oh you have it so good here we dont write you up i do all this stuff to help you like . ok#i didnt ask you to come downstairs w the coffee order and if you wanted me to i would come up . god#but the thing of me not being able to find a better job like wow! what if i killed you. for saying that to my face#and she talks abt how shes been w the company 20 years ok and that doesnt give you an excuse to treat me like a child. jesus#anyway im very pissed off and not enjoying my work situation lol. i dont wanna do this anymore#but looking at other jobs im so unemployable. sigh
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FUUUUUUUCK JAYVIK UGGGGHH im begging they don’t try to push it next season, im gonna keep my expectations low but we have a chance to survive cuz its the last season
sending love and joy and whimsy ur way………
REAL. TYSM LUCY U A REAL ONE....
im hoping praying so so bad that they rlly go thru w the jayce and vik LoL lore in s2 BC THEYRE ENEMIEZ OK. LIKE DEADASS MACHINE HERALD AND DEFENDER OF TOMORROW CANT STAND EACH OTHER. riot thatd be soooo lovely pleabse,,,,
#ACTUALLY YK WHAT FUCK IT THIS GON BE THE POST I RANT IN TAGZ ON SORRY GIRL#ok so like jayce and viktor have a SIBLING type relationship and i love that for them!!#jayce literally tellz mel in ep 5 “Hez like my brother” BROTHER. PLATONIC TYPE SHI#and like he doesn't even acknowledge that vik is sick until he deadahh passez out and goez to the hospital w the newz that HEZ DYING.#LIKE RLLY HAMMERBOY. THATZ WHAT IT TOOK. YOU DIDNT NOTICE VIK COUGHING UP BLOOD EARLER. IT WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU DUDE.#also jayce already has mel. sorry but like mel wont let it happen#shez a manipulator kinda who usez jayce to profit herself and piltover#i have a whole thing abt her doing that for another time silliez...#but like she wouldn't let that happen so she can keep control over jayce#ALSO THE SCENE IN EP 7 WHERE JAYCE SAYZ THAT PPL FROM THE UNDERCITY ARE DANGEROUS#LIKE BRO RIGHT TO VIKTOR??? DID U FORGET THAT HE LITERALLY TOLD U HE WAS FROM THERE WHEN YALL FIRST MET#the way jayce was so mad at viktor for breaking the bridge thing that he set in place#like all he cared abt was his stupid fuckahh policy. NOT THE FACT THAT AN ENFORCER AT THE BRIDGE COULDA MISTAKEN VIKTOR FOR SOMEONE-#-TRESSPASSING AND SHOT HIM??? GET A BRAAAIINN JAYCE#they have such diff. moralz it just wouldnt work. also they hate each other in LoL soooo.#DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON MEL.JAY.VIK OOKK#i dont think mel carez abt viktor#when jayce sayz that vik is dying to mel#she falterez yes. but composez herself 3 secondz later.#if u look at her expressionz in that scene. itz giving “oh im sorry but not that sorry bc it doesnt affect me”#she carez a bit bc shez not heartless. but also bc knowig this would make jayce falter slightly.#her calculated expression and carefully chosen wordz to jayce right after that arent to console him. more to keep him from breaking away#IM SORRY IM A HATER#go back to that one crackship i saw. mel and heimerdinger. who made that ily#SORRY LUCY ERRRMM#UUUHHH ILYY GIRL TYSM FOR EVERYTHING /p#<3#scrunkalicious#scrunkalicious?? more like yappalicious#marly answerz???
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i hate being an adult i hate money i hate bills i hate healthcare and health insurance
#im fine im just upset that it is VERY likely i'm going to have to front $700 of my own money for work reasons this week#bc nobody at work will help me resolve this!! apparently! i'll be paid back eventually but not for a few weeks#and that i may run out of a prescription while i'm on my trip and i was trying to get it filled and have been bouncing around on the phone#to find out that it's the insurance company that won't pay for it until june and i dont want to pay out of pocket#i'll live til then and i may actually have enough til then (i need to just physically count all the pills; i just knew it was running low)#but i'm so frustrated that after i hung up the phone with CVS that i just cried a little#i'm not gonna call the insurance. the last thing i want to do is deal with those guys when i know it's not going to kill me if i run low#(i have been taking half doses to stretch the bottle. is that advised? who knows! but i've done it before and it aint killed me)#i'm just. sigh. nothing going right for me this week#there's also ANOTHER medication that was supposed to refill this week but didn't because it had no refills left. i should've got it today#sooooo i had to call that pharmacy and that doctor to basically beg them to refill it asap or at least send me a sample#i also wont die if i run out of that one (already taken half doses to stretch it this week) but contrary to the other one i will notice thi
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o i wanted to make a post that im honestly not smart enough to actually sit down and think out but i like the way meryls trauma doesnt completely woobify her character but does still affect her, it just feels nice to see a female charcater not be completely reduced to a wet soggy mess bc of trauma but also not to (very unrealistically) just Get Over It i think trigun has a nice balance and its refreshing
#also not saying its a secret feminist masterpiece or anything (coz ive seen ppl say that and. come on) but i still think it does well-#enough to be given an appreciative nod#i mean its clear nightow didnt know what to do w milly n meryl after a certain point bc there was just. So much goin on w vash and knives#so he just has the girls do some nomad stuff offscreen until he was ready to bring them back in and yknow what i dont hate that#i think its important to note the women in trigun are fucking amazing tho like. rem meryl luida elendira even lina#and yeah millys underdeveloped but still shes so good#so im not gnna sit here and criticise nightow for being just as misogynistic as some other male mangaka bc i think he does very well#and thats not even to say the bar is on the floor like i truly believe that. i love meryl for a reason#but. ppl can we maybe stop w the 'trigun is so feminist' praise bc lets be real nightow probably just has a thing for strong women#98 anime is a little different tho i was pullin some faces while rewatching some clips.#im obvs talking abt the manga#and stampede is still not done so i wont comment too much on that besides the fact i like where its going (girlwise)#i dont usually like viewing manga thru this lense bc its not the same culture and feminism looks different in japan than it does over here#but i saw a chart. it made me twist up my face and go hrrrrnnnmmmmmnnnnmmnnm..... nnhhnnhhjnnn... mmmmmmmm#jesus i didnt mean to go off in these tags i just wanted to make another 'meryl good' post for the pile#ig im still thinkin abt that chart idk i guess it stuck w me (regretfully)#anyway point is i love meryl for a reason trigun women are great thanks nightow but im not gnna praise him for bein a feminist icon
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I'm starting to question if I should even bother with the stupid paper.... I'm probably just gonna fail anyways lmao
#ive been running around stuck on Babysitter Duty for the past three days and the teacher only gave us any instructions on thursday yet#somehow expected a full paper done and edited by sunday. even if i wasnt stuck on babysitter duty she'd get a shitty paper just due to how#little TIME that is to get things done. but because i am on babysitter duty uhhh..... well so far there's no paper#ive been spending practically full days having to take care of my sister and i cant just Ignore Her so i havent done my paper while watchin#her because again: my focus needs to be on Her. and shes incredibly loud which makes it super hard to focus. fun combo /s#so i was like 'i'll just stay up Really Late and do it then' but that hasn't worked because my sister WONT GO TO BED if im awake. i was up#until 4am last night hoping she'd fall asleep and shut up and i could work but Nope!#and then i got too tired to even care anymore#i've tried explaining this to others and they're just like 'ok well you just need to find a way to make it work :/' which is very much#easier said than done! and im scared about this paper because this teacher doesnt accept late work at all for pretty much any reason#and im sure she wont understand my situation. because shes also the teacher that didnt understand that i didnt have the textbook on time#because it was still being shipped and i dont control the rate at which book ships and she was like#'..........okay well you still need to have the book by tomorrow at least <3' when i told her the book had Just shipped and idk when i'd ge#the dumb thing. so yknow i dont have high hopes about this#also just as extra 'make stuff more difficult' i have zero accommodations because my mom cant keep track of my fucking IEPs and they wont#let me have accommodations unless i have that and idk how to get a copy anymore. so i've also been running around with no help in that area#and it's not great </3#idk im just stressed out and frustrated and i Want To Cry :)#vent
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my dad: you need to lose weight, you're going to have cholesterol issues and have a heart attack
me: i can't, i keep telling you that i have a hormone problem that makes it borderline impossible no matter how hard i try. also i don't have cholesterol problems, i'm 22 and don't eat problem foods
my dad: you need to stop taking that medicine then (referring to progesterone)
me: did you not hear me when i said i have a hormone problem. i HAVE to take progesterone. i get legitimately sick when i don't. the reason why i was sick last night was because of fucking hormones, this problem isn't going to go away until i go on testosterone
my dad, getting mad: don't talk like that. you know i don't want another son. i love you as you are right now
me: then stop fucking telling me to lose weight
#vent#AUGHHGHGHHG.#the problem is that i a.) do not care too much about losing a lot of weight#and b.) it wouldnt matter if i did bc I. HAVE. FUCKING. PCOS#OR SOMETHING ELSE THAT MAKES IT EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO LOSE WEIGHT#its not like i havent tried#i go on a strict diet almost every day#but nothing has happened because guess what?#I. HAVE. MALFUNCTIONING. OVARIES.#and i need to take MEDICINE FOR IT#it is NOT WHAT IS MAKING ME FAT#and it wont go away until i can take fucking t#godddddddddddddddddddd#also dw about him being mad at me being trans#i literally do not care#i barely tolerate him half the time and the other half i actively wish he were dead#last thing i give a fuck about is him being supportive
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everyone say thank u to my roommate for going to visit her parents this weekend so I can jack it loud and nasty 🙏
#i love her but there are some benefits to having the flat to myself.... love getting to wander around in just my boxers + a tshirt too#things i could do while she was still here if i wasnt a pussy 🙄#jk itd just make her uncomfortable and im too respectful for that#having a lowkey crush on her is an endless comedy to me bc we would be so woefully incompatible romantically#and also sexually.. historically ive only ever stone topped bc ive never been comfortable enough w anyone to let them fuck me#despite very much Not being stone or exclusively a top. and i think shes some form of sex repulsed anyway so like. sits there dead silence#and also shes so in love with her other friends and i showed up late to that party.... ive been feeling kinda guilty lately bc ik-#she misses them a lot and wishes we'd be able to stay roommates w them too. and im a pretty poor replacement for them tbh#and i love spending time with her but whenever i do i feel kinda painfully aware im not them like i could never fill that space#and asking to hang out more with her always feels like im taking away from time she could be talking to them. or even being alone ik she-#likes her own company and i get that a lot too so its chill but ahh.. man#i dont mean this in a bitter or jealous way at all like theyre all such sweet ppl i couldnt ever hold it against them#theyre kind of a 3 headed cerberus type situation and im like. the stray puppy they found on the side of the road#theres nothing they can do differently i was just born to be alienated from other ppl forever until i die. and someday i hope ill-#finally get used to it and accept i wont ever feel like im enough for anyone else or feel like anything else is enough for me#old wounds healed over 5082 times that still hurt to touch but i cant help pressing my fingers into them anyway bc its a familiar pain etc#anyway lost where i was going with this its just been on my mind again recently. i hate to be pitied i hate to feel like im only included-#bc they didnt want me to feel left out i hate feeling like a shoddy secondhand stand-in and its been a lot of that lately#also been a little annoyed bc sometimes it feels like shes trying to micromanage my social life and girl. we're not close enough for that#im sure its well intentioned but im not part of what they have going on i cant compete in that ring so dont try to push me into it..#ahhh. its all ok tho one of the guys is coming to visit next month which will be rly fun but ill try to give them some space too#its good at least im doing this processing now bc group situations can be spike traps of triggers for me sometimes#regardless of how good friends i am w ppl and ive already had a wobble a few weeks ago w how i cope and i dont want it to become a#fully fledged regular issue again bc its so hard to crawl back out of that pit. anyway losing coherence here im gonna stop rambling#and go make myself an early dinner and then back to drawing........#sorry for long tags if ur reading this blows u a kiss but go find a better use of ur time girl!!#.diaries
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Tag drop: Guizhong (don't mind me re-dropping this with the fixed ones, shh)
#guizhong. [ many things only seem to surface beneath the moon's poignant glow. wherever its light shines; the heart is wont to follow. ]#guizhong: ic. [ wherever her spirit may be among the countless grains of sand and specks of dust between the harbor and the mountains. ]#guizhong: countenance. [ and because they are afraid; they try so hard to become more intelligent. this i understand. ]#guizhong: introspection. [ although she did not live to see the splendid sights of today: she was as much a hero as any other. ]#guizhong: meta. [ her manuscripts lie unfinished in her abode. the blank pages give cause for contemplation on what might have been. ]#guizhong: little notes. [ she always sought to make everyone happy and one must say: she had quite the gift for it. ]#guizhong: wishes. [ it took a treasure hunt just to preserve the commandments that were once the lifeblood of a whole civilization. ]#guizhong: etc. [ we think of human life as like a lantern that's lit one minute and extinguished the next. but are we adepti so different?#guizhong: mortals. [ at their full potential; they could be her equal. a human who has as much to teach an adeptus as to learn from them. ]#guizhong: guili plains. [ as guizhong once said: “it takes every blade of grass and every flower to make a homeland.” ]#guizhong: liyue. [ perhaps she will look at the liyue of today and steal a smile when she sees the prosperous land that it has become. ]#guizhong: realm of clouds. [ a voyage to a sanguine sky. ]#guizhong: mechanical arts. [ in one's heart; i knew that she was indeed the superior talent in the mechanical arts. ]#guizhong: glaze lilies. [ they were far more abundant back then. the entire fields would appear to the eye as a veritable sea of flowers. ]#guizhong: adepti. [ until the moon set and the sun rose. and only then would the banquet finally come to an end. ]#guizhong: morax. [ whoever it was that revered her so much was very clever indeed. ]#guizhong: guili. [ with shortness of breath; i will explain the infinite. and how rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist. ] delusiona#guizhong: marchosius. [ who would dare snub the stove god and his wondrous creations? at the sight: we would all drop any argument. ]#guizhong: streetward rambler. [ it almost felt like she was back again. sitting right there on the stone stool next to me; chatting away. ]#guizhong: cloud retainer. [ we each had our ideals; and neither one of us would yield to the other. ]#guizhong: skybracer. [ to who lived by the mountain; he was their savior. they thought higher of him than they thought of the lord of geo.#guizhong: osial. [ she would disrupt the silence around them with a hum; as if to sing along to the harmony of water. was this his song? ]#guizhong: sea gazer. [ he was quite the braggart when it came to those collectibles he was so fond of; he always loved to show them off. ]#guizhong: ganyu. [ if we planted flowers in the guili plains; do you think that one day we'd be able to recreate the sea of glaze lilies? ]#guizhong: v. descension. [ she descended whose dominion was over dust; and whose reach shrouded the skies for thousands of miles around. ]#guizhong: v. guili assembly. [ it's great to have it back but i want to go back to the world. and start with guili plains. ]#guizhong: v. archon war. [ they fought upon the plains; where black dust choked the heavens and a thousand rocks splintered. ]#guizhong: v. present. [ all wrapped up in a city that has existed for many moons to date. all these things: they are why people chase it. ]#guizhong: inquiries. [ hmph. she always had a way with words. ]
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I’m always paranoid of my tumblr being deleted or malfunctioning or something like that someday, so here’s other places to find me/follow me, just in case lol
~ instagram - https://www.instagram.com/lucalicatte/
~ main youtube - https://www.youtube.com/c/LucaLiCatte
~ games/sims youtube - https://www.youtube.com/@cloudycatte
~ facebook page (I rarely use this because I hate facebook but.. it at least allows text posts better than instagram does, so idk maybe I’d use it more if tumblr went away? lol) - https://www.facebook.com/cloudycatteart/
~ Other Links (stuff I don’t use often/isn’t Main enough to list here, like twitter, neopets, other tumblr sideblogs, youtube channels, etc.) are here - http://icewindandboringhorror.tumblr.com/otherlinks )
#An updated version of this since some of the links on the old one are no longer the same lol#I might make a website website one day (not with a custom domain since I'm not paying for that/dont have the money lol#but like a 'my name.weebly.com type thing lol) but I haven't had the time recently. If I ever get around to it I'll update the post and#reblog that version. ANYWAY.. I just like to have one of these written out to reblog every once in a while. During the once ever few months#when poeple are like 'tumblr is failing again! it wont survive!' which has happened like 80 times but I'm still always like :0c what if!#also love the ms paint art done with a mouse ghhj#ANYWAY.. also if you want to see the stinky game I made that's not actually related to my own worldbuilding really (why I have never#posted anything about it publilcy because it's like.. how do I talk about it lol) I have my itch.io linked in the 'other links' page#as well as my General Projects blog. which talks about all the ongoing and upcoming projects I want to do that are#actually set in my world and can give you previews of some of the things I'm working on. Currently resuming my Game after abandoning it#basically for the entire pandemic and a little before that - as mentioned before - so that's OUgh.. in terms of A Lot Of Work#Especially since while kind of 'revamping and updating' I want to add a few features which are mostly easy but every once in a while#I don't understand something and it's like....... hGGhh...... Ironically despite Blogging I just hate talking to people in public open foru#.. I love privacy and security lol.. and I always feel that ONE day I am going to have a question that has not already been asked on a foru#somewhere and I am going to have to post myself and.. no.. I shan't even imagine it.. It's not even really social anxiety it's just like..#efficiency.. instead of wating like days to get an accurate response and resolve the problem with the general public I would rather just ha#e a one time 30min conversation with an expert and resolve it quickly. PLUS then I also only interact with One stranger instead of Many Of#Them lol.. any 6+ yrs of experience Ren'py experts hmu so I can pay you like $50 to have a single 45min conversation#with me over an insanely simple question and then never talk to you again until a year later when I have a second question. hhjb#ANYWAY.. I still really don't like instagram or it's layout and I never understood how it works like.. if I should be tagging photos or wha#or how you really use it and I just... euGH... stimky.. but it is one of the most popular so I feel obligated to link it. I wish facebook w#sn't such a nasty poo poo because I do actually like the variety of posts you can make and how Pages on facebook operate. In the scense of#it being similar to tumblr that you can make a VARIETy of styles of post. not just Only Post Photos or Only Short Text or Only Video which#is still like.. how the funk does sutff like that even get popular lol.. the Limited nature.. hewwo.. but alas.. and NO way I'm touching#fucking Threads please do not make an account on there and don't let your friends do it and don't let that shit catch on lol.#BUT YEahg... links...... just in case.. i hope tumblr stays aroundin it's current format forever though lol..#I'm pretty sure even facebook doesn't have audio posts. or tags the way this does. or CHRONOLOGICAL FEED. custom html for pages.. aaaaa
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i think ive finally hit that point where ive accepted that i need to Allow myself to enjoy genshin more casually otherwise it wont be long before i stop enjoying it altogether
#personal#its taken so long bc when i started the game i skipped through a lot of sidequests just to get the rewards/whatever they unlock#and later on i regretted it bc i was retroactively interested in lore and there was nothing left to do so wished id taken my time w those#and its rly that same reason i held off on doing a ton of content these past few months#telling myself i shouldnt do them until i had the time and attention span to rly absorb everything#but its rly time i let myself just go for it and enjoy what i Want to enjoy and not dwell too much on what i need to skip to achieve that#not just bc i dont think i'll ever go back to being as hyperfixated on genshin as ive been before (and therefore wont regret it)#but also because i dont really... want to#im at a slowly turning point in my life where i want to do other things with it too#and if i want to make room for those other things#i have to accept that i'll never again be one of those players who take the time to fully consume 100% of the content this game puts out#and thats Good#and i wish id realized sooner skgkslg#i rly have a bad tendency to put arbitrary restrictions on myself and forget why i put them there in the first place#like i played sm of totk with a 'no teleporting' rule bc i wanted to rly gove myself an excuse to explore#and it wasnt until recently that i realized id gotten to a point where it was taking away from my enjoyment more than adding to it#and so that it was ok to just discard that rule atp#i need to try being more conscious of that in general bc im realizing its hindering me in weird places irl too
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the prophetic dreams are getting much more concerning
#not a joke#so like im pretty damn convinced i have prophetic dreams#except one problem is they're not very straightforward#and i never really realize they are prophetic until its too late#i had a dream my lil brother attended the former school i used to study at and something bad would happen to him#i brushed it off at the time because i thought there would be no way in hell my parents would send me off to this school#years later they enrolled him in.#and well its an average school experience for him. some classmates are absolute jerks tho. but the main event in that dream didnt happen ye#because the main event happens at a school camping event. now im worried my brother would die at said camping event. but hey no camping yet#another instance was when i dreamt we went up the escalator up the mall we used to always go to#it was late into the pandemic at the time so i thought ''no way would we end up going'' but then i woke up to my mom announcing that#you guessed it#we were going to that mall#anyways those are a few instances.#right nowi had a dream i went out to lunch after college and snapped at a man for calling me ''ma'am'' because i mentally could not take it#and im scared now#with how i've been mentally. something like that WOULD happen. poor guy#but also i had a beard. why would he do that?#and the dream was also veryyy vivid.#granted not all of my dreams come true.#and i hope it STAYS that way#anyways aside from that i've also had recurring dreams of the ocean levels rising so bad that my home town ended up flooding and dissapeari#well i havent been having the flood dreams lately#that dream had two outcomes. in both outcomes people have adpated and started building a city that could take in the new environment#in one outcome they managed to build an underwater city to regain what was left of the cities that got submerged. people actually helped ea#h other and people were thriving.#in another outcome#society just ended up the same. all of the problems we had now carried on & we were eaten by the sun. except the sun was an eldritch being?#ok for sure that sun thing wont come true. or would it???#nah. i mean according to what we know of the sun. nah.
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put in the tags something odd you do with food
#i'll go first :D#i like to put goldfish inside of a turkey sandwich#and i always eat sandwiches from the bottom of the crust#yknow the flat part of the crust#and just go around on the crust until its gone before i start to eat the rest of the bread#i do this with hamburgers too even though they dont have a crust#or when i eat cup ramen i always drink the soup first and save the noodles for last#and sometimes i wont put super hot water so the noodles stay a bit crunchy#because i like the taste of plain noodles :v#idk i was just thinking how it's something weird i do#wanted to see what other things people do
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