#it wasn't my relative who died and I'm grateful for that I'm so grateful

[nebulouscoffee]

one more person I know dead this week. are you kidding me

[enteroctopusdarkysilis]

✨More Clones Brickheadz !✨

Since I acquired the Small Cody (40675), I found that there was an untapped mine. Why would they only make one ? Well. I don't have an answer to that, but I decided to take matters into my own one; so behold : 11 more. I went mostly for commanders here, but then I went a bit astray and so I added some captains to the mix.

In order, row by row :

Tukk (Not cannon but the colours are so beautiful)/Vaungh (died too soon-)/Rex (obviously)/Fordo (I did Rex, so I had to)

Gree/Doom/Thorn/Neyo

Bly/Cody/Fox/Wolffe

It was a really fun project, and I hope to do more of them in the future - maybe even phase 1s, some day~); supposedly not commanders because I did most of them (except Bacara, I know...The helmet was too tough).

And because I really like challenges, if you want to see another clone turned into one of these (Be it cannon or one of your ocs) feel free to send requests in my aksbox !)

Anyway this post is already far too long for anyone's dashboard, so closeups and details will be under the cut !

Let's start with the easy ones : Cody, Doom, Fox, Thorn

Obviously, Cody was easy, I just rebuilt the original one virtually - Nothing too hard. The printed pieces here are not the right ones, because Cody's are not available on STUDio yet, but the storm trooper ones were relatively similar, so I used these for most of these models. Of course, it means I'm lacking the sun bands, and a few other distinctive elements, but it works well enough for now.

Now, Doom is essentially a colour variation (minus a few antennas). I also used an old space piece, which has this big yellow arrow printed on it. I's not exactly what Doom has, but I feel like it's close enough for a first attempt.

Then, Fox is relatively similar to Doom, but with two DC-17s. I also moved the printed torso brick up to get that red line he has.

Thorn works in a similar way to Cody too, except I removed both accessories on the side of the helmet. I also added this tile with diagonal lines to figure the wings he has. One day I'll slap some real wings on there, but I haven't found the right image yet. I also gave him a Z-6, obviously. I really like it, so I might actually make that one physically, because the way it's build (with old binocular pieces) is pretty nice; although I doubt the pieces are available in black.

Moving on to two captains : Vaughn and Tukk !

Admittedly, not really that different either, except for one thing : I learnt to do custom prints now ! Yay ! Well, these are really basic : the blue line for Vaughn, and some trapezoids for Tukk's helmet (which are, indeed, not visible here - shame, I spent so long making these fit). The Ahsoka pattern was already in STUDio (because Ahsoka already has her own brickheadz, which I'll get my hands on someday~)

I must also add that having some cyan in this whole thing added some much needed colours in here, I'm grateful some people give their clones amazing colours (If somehow someone doesn't know who Tukk is, well just check High Ground Animation. Right now. It's really cool, trust me). Anyway.

As for design changes, I modified the faces slightly by adding 1x1 tiles, to allow for different colours variations on the face. It makes them look slightly blockier, but given the overall size of the head, it doesn't do much.

I also gave Vaughn a DC-15A. It's a bit messy, but it works out well enough. Past me forgot to render it, so here is a raw, in-software picture of it (from Fordo(s hand, but it's the same design for both) :

BARC helmets ? Wolffe, Fordo, Neyo

As I've been told, these look a bit wonky, and I'll admit its wasn't exactly easy, but in my defence, it's relatively hard to get such round shapes with bricks (lego cheated by adding the visor). Anyway, given that doing that with a printed piece was out of the question, I tried to replicate the filter's shape with actual bricks, and I used a printed piece which, technically, is Lando's moustache, but downward. I'd say it does the job relatively well.

I also added a rangefinder to Wolffe, which is a little big compared to everyone else's antennas, but It's still relatively to scale with the head itself. No custom prints for him (not sure where I would find the correct pattern images ?), but I've done it for Fordo and Neyo. Fordo obviously has his well deserved Jaig eyes (and who knew it would be that difficult to find a picture of that on internet ?), and Neyo has his symbol on the helmet, chest plate, and the shoulder not shown here.

The really tinkered ones : Gree, Bly, Rex :

Here, it was a matter of trials and errors to figure out just how to get the shapes right.

I actually started with Bly, by removing the previous visor and adding the macrobinoculars first, then I tried to shape the helmet around. Truth is, it doesn't make sense technically : the two separated parts of the helmet do not connected at all, if you remove the equipment. Luckily, no one has to know that.

Next is Gree. It took me some time to figure out how to properly get a round feel, but I feel like it's as good as I can make it like this. Colour-wise, it was surprisingly difficult to find how to balance the different shades of green, and equally hard was to figure out which silvery colour would render well in STUDio. The answer lied, as it always does, in Bionicle. Of course, none of these pieces exist in this colour, but it's not really my main problem (because none of the coloured printed pieces exist either).

Finally, Rex...He gave me some trouble, I have to admit. Firstly, the part-designing software decided to have some trouble with custom prints, which was problematic, because I simply couldn't do Rex without jaig eyes (and Fordo already had his). Then, I started with Gree's base and tried to go from there to fit Rex's custom helmet. I ended up using Boba Fett's printed visor piece for Rex, because these were all triangles. I also got rid of the printed chest piece and used some black plates to simulate the pouch he has; while also adding a a few more custom printed pieces for the arms and pauldron (barely visible, but they're here. I'm not entirely happy with it, but I don't see much other solutions than more and more custom prints, which isn't my goal, so it'll stay like that for now.

Anyway, that's way too much rambling for one post, so I'll just end by saying that next week I'll post an alt version of this whole build [here !], with some 'slight' colour alterations. Definitely nothing big.

[batbux]

"Sometimes I forget they're gone."

Bruce looks up from work - a crossword he's doing to pass time until the gas chromatography finishes - and over to where Tim is rolling back and forth in front of a secondary terminal. The steady squeak of his chairs back wheel was almost meditative in a way. He stared up at a blank screen, face only illuminated in profile by the gentle glow of Bruce's own terminal.

"Who is?" Bruce asked when Tim didn't elaborate. For all that this was functionally his home now, the boy had a tendency to occupy space in a way that made Bruce's jaw ache from biting his tongue.

"My parents." Tim stopped rocking and the Cave was as silent as a grave between them. One grave in particular. "Like, something happens and I think, oh, Mom would love to hear about this. Or Dad would get all huffy and rant over something silly and it would be fun to listen to."

Tim, who loved his parents and, arguably was loved in return. He spent most of his time in his room or the Cave, exploring other rooms in the Manor like his parents did archeological sites. Interesting to him, but not a place to be.

"Sometimes I pick up the phone and get as far as putting in their international number, you know?"

Tim, who was parented through phone calls and post cards. Tim, who spent so much of his life in boarding schools that an actual home looked more like a museum than a place to live.

"I'm sorry, bud," Bruce murmured. There wasn't much else he could say, aside from reminding Tim that his father was still alive. Comatose, hanging in limbo, but alive.

Bruce thought it would be easier if Jack Drake died with his wife. Bruce also hated himself for thinking those kinds of things.

"I just keep thinking about Mohenjo-daro," he continued. "We're learning about it in school this unit and I keep remembering- I keep remembering that Dad said he's been there. I can't keep the dates right in my head and he would have helped."

"I can give it a shot," Bruce offered even though he knew it was the wrong thing to do now just as it had been the wrong thing to do when he offered to find a Romani language tutor for Dick when he realized he was forgetting things.

It would solve one part of the problem, but it would never replace the help a father could give.

Tim turned towards him, pale face washed out in stark relief under the light from behind Bruce. He wondered if Tim could even see his face in the relative darkness and found a cowards courage knowing he couldn't.

"He told me a story about it once," Tim said. "I can't remember the ending. I can't remember what he told me. Why didn't I listen better?"

Bruce had no answer for him. He set his paper aside and opened his arms.

Dick would have thrown himself at Bruce, taking comfort where and when he could. Jason would have slunk over and did his level best to press close enough to cave in Bruce's chest and make himself a home.

He was, in hindsight, too good at that.

Tim always hesitated. Weighting the pros and cons? Overthinking a simple comfort offered freely? Bruce never knew.

Still, Tim slowly abandoned his squeaking chair. He let Bruce tug him in for a hug.

Tim was older than Dick had been, around the same age as Jason. Even so, in moments like this he seemed immeasurably younger. Tim, cast off in a prestigious boarding school, had lived comparatively untouched by life's hardest lessons. He signed up for the work, but he couldn't have known how hard it would be. Bruce never should have let him in, but what could he do now? Tim came to him when he needed a partner the most and he was so, so grateful even as regret threatened to choke him.

A beep, then. Bruce's eyes drifted upwards.

"The drugs we lifted from the Iceberg Lounge?" Tim asked against Bruce's neck.

"Yes."

"Show me."

Bruce let Tim out from the protective circle of his arms and did so. The moment lay broken behind them, like so many others.

[s-awturn]

Underworld Sun || LH44

summary: It only took an unpretentious visit to a local florist for all of Lewis's convictions to come crashing down, and finally the lord of the Underworld found what was missing in his lonely existence.

cw: dark content, slightly stalkerish behavior, nostalgia, pure smut, Lewis!dom x reader!sub, revelation, mention of magic, violence, outbursts of rage, (fake) naivety, devotion, deep love, soulmates, family interference, mention of kidnapping.

a/n: I knew the vote would come down to Max and Lewis — and I was hoping it would be one of them, don't judge me — and I was anxious to write, I counted the minutes until the end of the vote and I thought of the title beforehand, So here we are. This story is intended to be divided into many parts, I don't know how many parts, but we'll see how it works.. Anyway, enjoy!

Monaco, days before...

It had been a few years — or many, it's natural to lose track of time when you're immortal — since he had walked the streets of Monaco, and no one even imagined that the principality housed the new home of the gods of the Greek pantheon. The gods loved how everything in Monaco was beautiful, luxurious and exuberant, life in Monaco matched the desires and longings of the immortals; he took a deep breath as he entered the massive casino where satyrs dressed in elegant tuxedos awaited him.

"Sir, welcome, we have been waiting for you" the satyr said as he guided him to the central dome, where the other gods were waiting for him, It had barely started and he was already tired, it was always stressful coming to Monaco, having to deal with his brothers and nephews, who were always very irritating.

"Thank you Clocis, I hope I wasn't too late, the traffic was chaotic" he justified himself, even though there was no need, he hated delays, so he hated it when he kept people waiting. However, when it came to his family, any delay could be a blessing.

"People go crazy when Monaco hosts the Formula One circuit, sir," Clocis said, opening the door for the god of the underworld. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"It's not your fault that you have to apologize , Clocis, you can go, I'll go on my own from here, I know Argos needs your help at the casino" he politely dismissed the satyr, who waved and left him alone in the immense corridor. Hades — or Lewis, as he had come to be called since he had taken on that human body centuries before — walked slowly to the main hall, where his family would be gathered.

He pushed the door open, not bothering to wait for the servants to open it, and discreetly took his seat on Zeus's left side. For a long time he felt left out in the division of the spoils of the Titanomachy, but after ages of administering his domains, Hades couldn't feel more grateful for having been "gifted" with the land of the dead. But nothing was better than being alone in the underworld, without his relatives to trouble his patience. Being part of that family, solitude was a balm.

He waited until the uproar died down and the gods calmed down.

"Now that Hades has arrived, we can begin the meeting," Themis said, the goddess remained with her blindfold over her eyes and Hades stopped wondering how she knew things. She wasn't the goddess of justice for nothing.

"You've finally arrived! We thought you wouldn't come" Zeus said, or Michael, as he preferred.

"And I really wasn't coming, but I knew you would send Hermes to disturb me for decades, as you did during the Iliad. I preferred to avoid the fatigue," he replied simply and heard his brother's thunderous laughter. "What is this meeting about?"

The dome was filled with silence. Zeus stood up, making things more theatrical and Hades wondered if it was Dionysus who created the theater.

"A few weeks ago, traces of Persephone's sacred energy were signaled on our radars," he said, causing a commotion among those present. A strange tingling sensation tugged at Lewis's chest, making him shift in his seat. "But it was too fast and we couldn't track it."

"And what are we here for? Do you want us to start searching the gardens and flower fields for her?" Ares grumbled, earning a hard look from Zeus.

"Considering you have an affair with Aphrodite, wallowing in bushes and fields of flowers," Apollo commented from across the semicircle, Charles — or Apollo — he gave a mocking smile before dodging the sword that Max threw at him.

"Enough, shut up you two" a lightning bolt cracked and made them both go silent. "Stay alert, Persephone could be anywhere and we need to bring her home."

Hades drummed his fingers, feeling the itch in his chest grow.

"That was it? You could have sent an email," he commented, seeing Zeus' eye twitch and Poseidon laugh out loud, Ayrton almost fell from his throne, laughing as the brothers fought over their gazes.

"You should spend more time with your family, brother," he said, sitting down again. "We miss you here."

Well, everyone has my business card with my address, I will love to receive visitors, I have added a new head to my collection, you will love it"

"Brother, don't be so bitter, you are missed in our celebrations, you know that"

Lewis grunted in agreement, adjusting the cufflinks on his suit, revealing some of the numerous tattoos he had.

"I believe I am too dark for the exuberant brightness of Monaco," he said, standing up, greeting everyone and disappearing, leaving a dark trail that smelled of burnt wood.

Soon he was inside his car, it was one of the few human activities he enjoyed, driving for hours on end calmed his mind and silenced his demons. It was dramatically ironic that the god of the dead was tormented by demons, and Lewis had plenty of them. He drove through the streets of the principality until he reached the edge of the country, he crossed the border into France and the climate changed radically. The south of France had a rural, provincial feel that didn't quite match the golden exuberance of Monaco, and it was also less oppressive.

He didn't like golden things.

Lewis drove into a small town and just as the bucolic French aesthetic demanded, he parked his car at the only gas station in town and looked around, a small bakery, a bookstore, the church in the center of the village and a flower shop. He didn't know why, but his instincts pointed him towards the tiny flower shop, maybe it was the smell of honeysuckle, or maybe it was because the shop looked like it was straight out of a 1920s movie, and Before he knew it, Lewis had made the bell above the flower shop door ring. Bouquets of roses, lilies, sunflowers, lilies and tulips were scattered in the cramped space, the floral scents mingling, attacking the rhinitis he didn't even know he had.

"Just a minute, please!” Someone said from the back of the establishment and severe chills shook Lewis’s body. He walked around, looking at the flower arrangements, the gift baskets, it was all so delicate that it made him think it was a dollhouse, yet there was something there, something darker and deeper. "Sorry for the delay, the supplier delivered today and my employee is away... It's all in my hands..."

Her voice died the instant she looked at the visitor, suddenly the static between them made their hair stand on end and something sparked in both of their minds.

"Hello, I'm Lewis," he smiled, extending his hand to her.

"Y/N"

[gallusrostromegalus]

the 'Kon :)' in the list of things you're pleased about in aeiwam has be EXCITED please tell us more (if you want to)!

Soon after Masaki died, Isshin Kurosaki moved his family. It's mostly because the original clinic didn't feel haunted- if Masaki's spirit were still here, Isshin would know what to do, but instead he felt like his heels were dogged by the hole where she used to be.

It didn't hurt that the new place was larger, in a better school district, and closer to his friend Ryukken. He's almost feeling cheerful about the new place when Ichigo runs up the stairs and from room to room before calling dibs on one, because he's a big kid now and doesn't want to sleep where he has to listen to his dad snoring all night >:(.

Isshin felt slightly less cheerful when he looked out the big window in Ichigo's room to determine if he needs to put up some child safety grates, and realized their new neighbor was a taxidermist.

"I feel like it gives them a sort of dignity- A Life After Life, if you will." she said when he went by to make sure his neighbor was only eccentric and not something out of a horror movie. He wasn't entirely sure which, actually- Ms. Tanaka was an octogenarian with skin like tissue paper and a back like a question mark, but her living room was a veritable zoo of reconstituted animals, many of them former pets, if the number of domestic cats was anything to go by.

"Oh. Yeah!" Isshin grinned, terrified, and was struck by the idea of some goon in the 12th division slavering in the afterlife, desperate for her to shuffle off the mortal coil and bring her undoubted skills with dead bodies to R&D. "We've always been very spiritual people."

(Continued under the readmore)

"Oh, just like the nice young man who used to live in your house!" said Ms. Tanaka, sitting down in her armchair that was adorned by an ostentatious past-tense peacock perched on the back. "Odd fellow. Worked nights, spoke like he was born in the Sengoku Era or something, but very nice."

"He's BEAUTIFUL!" said Ichigo, staring in awe at an enormous Ginger Tabby Cat by the window, mounted in repose on a emerald velvet cat bed. Ms. Tanaka had done an excellent job conveying a sense of benevolent egotism on his whiskered face, but Ichigo's growing fascination with the Macabre was beginning to worry his father- Ichigo had seen the taxidermy stoat in the back window and INSISTED on coming along.

"Isn't he?" beamed Ms. Tanaka. "His name is Bostov! He was my very best friend for many years."

"Wow! Can I pet him?" Ichigo asked, eyes wide with delight.

"Ichigo, that's uh- that's not a real kitty-" Isshin began to sputter.

"Of course he's a real kitty!" Ms. Tanaka laughed, a noise like an ungreased gate. "You can pet him if you're very gentle." Ichigo stroked the deceased animal with exceptional delicacy for an overexcited Kindergartner. "He's so soft!" he gasped.

"Do you like him?" asked Ms. Tanaka.

"I LOVE HIM!" Said Ichigo, cheeks flushed and eyes bright for the first time in months now. Perhaps having a distant relative of the Addams family for a neighbor isn't so bad, if her creepy hobby cheers Ichigo up... Isshin sighed.

"In that case, why don't you take him home with you?" Smiled Ms. Tanaka. "I'm sure he'll be a good friend to you too."

"UH." Isshin blurted out, nearly spilling his tea on a flock of quail under the side-table.

"I have SO MANY friends in my home with me- it's bordering on a fire hazard!" Ms. Tanaka chuckled. "I'd be delighted to send him to a home where he'll be loved. Please- consider him my housewarming present!"

"CAN WE? CAN WE TAKE HIM HOME? PLEASE DAD??PLEEEEEEEASE-!!" Ichigo asked, stars in his eyes.

Isshin froze, horrified at the prospect of having... That. In his house. Watching him. ...and at the same time, completely unwilling to dash his little boy's dreams.

"yEaH oKaY." Isshin grimaced, soaked in a cold sweat.

*****

Bostov The Former Cat was bad enough, but at least the taxidermy beast 'lived' on Ichigo's bedroom dresser and not down in the living room where Isshin would have to look at it's green glass eyes, which seemed to follow him around the room. It wasn't right having a hollow thing in the house like that- any wandering spirit could decide to climb in there! He resolved to have it warded, but Kisuke said he was on a trip to the Caribbean for "Botanical Research" , and wouldn't be back until "After the Big Holiday on the 20th". Isshin hung up the phone, groaned and rubbed his face. It was fairly late, and he was still at the kitchen table, going through all of the licensing paperwork to get the clinic up and running.

"Hey Dad?" Ichigo asked, holding up a small plastic toy. "What's 'Soul Candy'?"

"Soul Cand-?" Isshin frowned, turned to look at the toy and nearly jumped out of his skin, swiping it away from the boy. "WHERE DID YOU FIND THIS? DID YOU EAT ANY??"

"...it was upstairs, in the back of my closet." Ichigo pouted. "-and no, I didn't eat any strange closet candy. I'm not stupid."

"Oh thank the Gods..." Isshin sighed, sitting back down at the table and shaking the small, duck-headed pill dispenser. Empty. "-I'm sorry I yelled Ichigo, but this is Very Dangerous stuff."

Ichigo arched an incredulous Eyebrow at him. "Really? Is this the same kind of dangerous that the half my Halloween candy you confiscated and ate was?"

"Ah- well. No. That was Dad Tax. This is actually dangerous. Here, come sit with me a minute." he pulled out the other chair at the kitchen table. "Remember how I told you about the ghost that lived in my attic when I was your age?"

"The Shinigami?" Ichigo asked.

Isshin did not *enjoy* lying to his children, but a little knowledge was a dangerous thing, and not enough even more so, so he'd concocted a little fantasy to explain why he knew all about ghosts and why the children never saw their grandparents, so he could tell them about the dangers of this world without telling them too much.

"That's right- His name was Kaien Shiba, and he was a Soul Reaper. At night, he'd turn into a ghost and leave his body behind, and go escort spirits to the afterlife or fight hollows." Isshin said. he'd named the fictional soul reaper after his favorite nephew in a fit of inspiration- he'd started telling Ichigo a tale from his days as a Shinigami one night after slightly too many drinks and had to convince Ichigo that that was only a distant acquaintance.

"...Like what killed Mom." Ichigo muttered.

"Um. Yeah." Isshin nodded.

They were silent for a moment.

"-Anyway, the way he turned into a ghost was that he'd swallow one of these little candies that would come in these tubes-" Isshin pulled the duck's head back to show Ichigo the mechanism. "-and Poof! he'd jump out of his body as a ghost so he could use magic to save people! But-there was a little soul inside the candy that would come out and take care of his body while he was away! Like a babysitter, but for his own butt! After a few hours, the little soul would stop working, and Kain would be home to climb back in."

Ichigo blinked at the mechanism, thinking. "So. There's a little person in these candies?"

"If there were any in here, yeah." Said Isshin. "They're not like. Whole people. Just little collages of behaviors and phrases. You know, like the fake voice that talks on the phone when you call to refill a prescription!" Ichigo frowned, considering something. "...There weren't any candies in this thing, were there?" Isshin asked, suspicious.

"No." Said Ichigo, frowning at him. "It'd be really lonely, being just a little soul, stuck in a candy, wouldn't it?" he asked.

"I suppose so, but I don't think the little souls are aware while they're in there. It's like being asleep for them." Isshin shrugged, lying to himself as much as his son about that.

Ichigo still frowned. "...What happens if the candy goes into a body without a soul in it? Like a dead body?" "Huh." Isshin frowned. "I dunno, actually. I guess the little soul would run around and operate it for a while, until it faded out, like it did with a normal body?"

Ichigo nodded, still preoccupied.

"Why?" Isshin tried.

"...No reason." Ichigo muttered, kicking his little feet. "Just thinking."

"Alright. Promise me if you find anything else weird or see any random candies to not touch them and tell me right away, okay?"

"Yeah okay." Ichigo nodded, only sort of paying attention. "I'm gonna go to bed. G'night dad." he muttered, getting up from the table and handing the dispenser to Isshin before giving him a quick hug and stomping up the stairs.

Isshin watched him go, aching a bit. I wondered how old he was gonna be when he started keeping secrets from me. He sighed, looking down at the Soul Candy Dispenser. Not that I'm being a Paragon of Honesty for him to follow...

---

"GIRLS? ICHIGO? HAVE ANY OF YOU SEEN MY STETHOSCOPE?" Isshin hollered, searching fruitlessly under the couch cushions.

"NO!" Hollered Karin from where she and Yuzu were playing in the small front yard.

"TRY ICHIGO'S ROOM, HE TOOK A BUNCH OF LAUNDRY UP TO SORT." called Yuzu.

"THANKS GIRLS!" he called back stomping up the stairs. Ichigo was at karate- he'd finally returned to classes, or at least, Tatsuki had finally physically dragged him back into the Dojo. "Man I hope I didn't put it through the washing machine-" he muttered, opening the door to the boy's room and started searching through the basket of laundry on his bed.

Isshin stopped, and stood up, frowning around the room. Something was off.

Ichigo was a tidy boy, somehow, and his room was usually in order save for whatever video game he had out to play and the bed he never made but... Isshin turned fully around trying to figure out what was off before his eyes finally landed on the top of the Dresser.

The Emerald Green Velvet Cat bed, home of Bostov The Cat, was empty.

"Did he take the cat out of the bed to play with?" Isshin wondered aloud, hoping that that, and not several other horrible scenarios, was what was happening. He could hear Karin and Yuzu giggling through the window, and he peeked down at them- they appeared to be having a tea party on the thin strip of grass, and the guest of honor amongst the dolls and stuffed animals was a familiar-looking ginger tabby. "Oh! The GIRLS took him out to play with." he sighed with relief, leaning against the window to watch them.

...and watch a strange man approaching down the street, who stopped at the garden fence. Isshin frowned- maybe he was just watching the girls play, in a normal, wholesome way like he was doing right now. ...or he could be taking candy out of his pocket and waving the girls to come through the gate.

Isshin jumped on the bed, tore open the window with such force it jumoed out of it's track and was halfway out to jump down at the man from the second floor when the most EXTRAORDINARY thing happened.

Bostov, Who by all accounts had been deceased for the better part of a decade and was made of little more than a skin and some glass stretched over a wood-and-cotton frame, Suddenly leapt up from his chair, claws and teeth drawn like swords and leapt upon the man, battering him visciously with a stream of einvective so foul it made Isshin's barrack-hardened linguistic sensibilities blush, before chasing him back down the street like a short, furious, ass-seeking missile.

"GIRLS!" he shouted, jumping down anyway. "-ARE YOU OKAY?"

"DON'T GET MAD AT ICHIGO OR KON!!" Shouted Yuzu, tears in her eyes.

"...ichigo or who?" Isshin blinked.

"Way to spill the beans, Yuzu." Karin groaned. "Yeah Dad, we're FINE- Kon was here, he'll beat the crap out of anything."

"Who's Kon?" Isshin repeated.

"HEY DAD." Shouted Ichigo, skidding into the garden in his karate gi, and out of breath, clutching an unconvincingly stiff Mr. Bostov under his arm. "SO. UH- WELL MR. BOSTOV CAN MOVE NOW. FOR SOME REASON."

"Uh-huh?" Isshin glared at the cat, who glanced away nervously. "Why do you think that is?"

"...it's a Christmas Miracle?" Tried Ichigo.

"Ichigo, it's fucking April." groaned Karin.

"...Passover?" tried Ichigo.

"-This wouldn't have anything to do with that Soul Candy Dispenser you found, would it?"

"uhhhhhhh..." said Ichigo. Honesty might not have been one of the boy's virtues, but at least he was a terrible liar.

"PLEASE DADDY DON'T GET ANGRY!!" Sobbed Yuzu, throwing herself around his calf and wailing. "MR. KON IS THE MOST NICEST KITTY IN THE WHOLE WORLD! HE PLAYS TEA TIME AND DRESS-UP WITH US AND TELLS JOKES AND CHASES AWAY DOGS AND SCARY MEN AND HE ALWAYS WAKES UP ICHIGO WHEN HE'S HAVING A NIGHTMARE-!"

"Yeah, actually, Kon's like. the first thing to make me laugh since. Well." Mumbled Karin, plodding over to Isshin's other leg and leaning heavily on him. "Please? he's weird, but he's a good guy."

Isshin sighed, then glared back down at the cat. "Alright. Who are you?" he demanded.

Ichigo and the formerly immobile cat glanced at each other and the feline unfolded as Ichigo set him down, shaking himself out and sitting on the walkway.

"So, uh- Hi. My name's Kon. Kon Bostov, if you wanna be formal, in honor of the beast whose body I currently inhabit." He nodded, waving a paw evocatively. "-And, uh. Well, how much do you know about the afterlife?"

"-Being from a long line of psychic mediums and prone to hauntings, my parents rented out our attic to a Shinigami when I was a child, and he told me pretty much everything." Said Isshin, and Kon winced. "So. Is 'Kon' short for 'Mod Konpaku'?"

"Ehh... well, Yeah." Kon winced. "-But hey! It wasn't my idea to be cooked up in a lab by some maniac and then put to death minutes later for something I didn't even do!" he snarled, fur bristling.

"What?" asked Karin.

"Kids I- Look, I didn't mean to lie, there just wasn't a good time to bring it up but. Technically, I'm wanted by the law. I'm an artificial soul created for battle to be put into dead bodies, but literally four and a half minutes after I woke up, the soul society- where all the Shinigami are from- condemned me to die, because they didn't like how strong some of the other Mod Souls were. I managed to roll myself off of the table and into a box of normal bodyminders to hide, Got put in a dispenser and then the shinigami that had been here accidentally left me behind." Kon explained.

"COOL!" Shouted Karin.

"NOT COOL. BAD!" Shouted Isshin. "Okay, okay I- I mean you're right, I never- I mean, the way Kaien told it, the whole Mod Soul program was pretty shady and it sounded really unfair. But why would a Shinigami just leave an important and dangerous tool lying around?"

"...I don't know how much spiritual sense you have my guy, but this town doesn't have a Hollow problem so much as the Hollowpocalylse goin' on." Kon grimaced. "-I really hope that guy's okay, he seemed pretty cool from what I could tell. I don't actually remember hearing him get called back to soul society." Kon muttered. "-Anyway, about three weeks ago, your brother found me in the dispenser in the back of his closet and put my candy body into this taxidermy cat, and I've been hanging out with the kids since then! You know, like a cat is supposed to do!"

Isshin stared blankly at Kon. The girls hugged his legs, lips wobbling, but he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, firming up his resolve- no matter how nice he seemed, a Mod Soul was a dangerous thing- and one crafty enough to live right under his nose for the better part of a month? No, absolutely n-

Isshin opened his eyes to see Ichigo had picked up Kon, cradling the cat to his tiny body, eyes wide and beginning to glisten with tears.

"...Ah. What the hell. You make the kids laugh." Isshin sighed, and all four cheered, thanking him profusely and promising to be extra-good and take good care of Kon- "But you put so much as a Whisker out of line and you're in deep trouble, got it?" Isshin leaned into the cat's face, scowling menacingly and shaking his finger at Kon.

"Understood sir!" Kon Saluted. "So when's dinner? Ichigo's been sneaking me scraps but I could really go for some chicken, or maybe ham-" he asked, tail thrashing excitedly.

"You can eat?" Isshin asked. "I thought you were all... Whatever they stuff taxidermy animals with?"

"-Might've been, but I'm all complete now? Fluff, guts, claws-the works!" Kon shrugged, hopping up on Isshin's shoulder. "-Between you an' me, I ain't even neutered! But that ain't a problem- Plenty of hot pussy around, if you know what I mean, especially that sweet little tuxedo bobtail just up the street- Me-YOW, huh?"

"Oh gods." Groaned Isshin, covering his face. "What am I letting into my house?"

"An intact male cat is called a 'Tom' Dad." Karin called over her shoulder.

"Alright Kon, a few rules- No more swearing in front of the kids, no bringing ladies around the house and for goodness sake DON'T TELL ANYONE YOU'RE HERE!" Isshin snarled at him.

"Alright, alright!" Kon sighed, rolling his eyes. "Out of curiosity though- What rank was your guy Kaien?"

"Hm?" Isshin asked.

"Only that I thought only the captains and a few lieutenants ever knew about project Spearhead." Kon glanced at Isshin, arching an orange-striped brow at him. "-funny thing, having a seated officer doing routine patrols, isn't it?"

"I dunno?" Shrugged Isshin, trying to keep his shoulders from tensing up, "-He didn't actually tell me all that much about how the soul society is governed."

"Huh." Kon nodded, smirking just a bit. "Interestin' guy, this Kaien. You should tell me about him sometime!"

"KOOOOONN!" Yuzu called. "My Dollie's shoe got under the fridge!"

"Coming Sweetie!" Kon called, jumping off Isshin's shoulder to reach his skinny little cat arm under the fridge and swat the missing accessory out from under the appliance. Yuzu applauded with delight and hugged him, laughing for the first time in ages.

Isshin watched them play for a bit and sighed. He not a bad guy, this Kon. All the same- Isshin took out his phone and dialed a number.

"~Urahara Shoten, home of Karkura Town's finest Candies, Cell Phones and Card Games! I'm on sabbatical 'til the end of the month or so, so if it's an emergency, hang up and call the Kurosaki Clinic! Or die! If it's not an emergency, leave me a message with what you need and I'll hook you up when I get back! Bye!~" Urahara's voicemail recording sing-sang over the line.

"Kisuke. It's me, Isshin. You will not fucking believe what my kids found in the new house. Call me as soon as you get back."

[loudclan-clangen]

Fierce x Silt would be an ABSOLUTE POWER COUPLE and you are welcome to ship them all you want (as always) but in cannon Fiercestripe would never, even for a moment, consider taking another mate. If Wildfirecry dies before her she will wait that shit out cause she's not single, her husband is just in starclan. I honestly think that even without Wildfirecry in the picture she's just too much of a caretaker/mom friend to ever be in a relationship with someone younger than her. Fiercestripe needs her mate to be the one person in her life that she is not worried about if that makes sense? She'll help find Silt a nice new boyfriend who is not 48 moons older than her and they can be crochety grandparents in the elder's den together.

No. <3

Thank you! And do not be sorry because YES! You're so right! She's seeing herself in the stars and so she doesn't look any farther into it but it's just an image she's projecting, not something someone is showing her. She also doesn't put any thought into the fact that in order to walk amongst the stars she would have to pass away so, she's literally seeing a future where she dies due to her own inflated self image and it just inflates her self image more. It's a self fulfilling prophecy and it makes me love her and her story so much!

It was not intentional as I haven't watched centaurworld, but upon listening to it I see what you mean! It definitely fits in with what I was trying to reference, which are those kinda ominous lullabies (hush a bye baby was the specific one that came to mind while drawing), but to be honest with you it's a relatively minor detail in the overall comic. What the character is saying is a lot less important than what the character is about to do so i didn't put a ton of thought into it.

Thank you! I am also shocked by how little time has passed in story like what do you mean we aren't even at two years yet? Eklutna wasn't even here for a moon? How is that possible?! I know that Moon 21 brought and is still bringing a LOT of people to the blog and I am so grateful for that! Loudclan gained like 200 followers over my break and that's AWESOME but also a little bit terrifying tbh. Don't worry I also got attached to Mothtree and I was like lying in bed thinking about the fact that she dies for like three whole months while I and everyone else drew cute art of her.

Thank you! I'm so happy to be at a point where I'm happy with my art and my process and that has a lot to do with all the support I've gotten from you guys! You're an awesome community who has encouraged my growth at every opportunity and I couldn't be luckier! All that said I hope you get to enjoy a minor version of the same process all over again as I get back in the routine of drawing cats again after my break lol.

I mean... they are kinda yellow... could that mean... PACKMAN IS THE BABYDADDY?!?!?!

I did really enjoy my break! I got to go to Greece and Germany with some of my best friends and then I came home and cracked down on school work (which wasn't necessarily fun, but feels good to be done with), and now I am rested and relaxed and ready to get back into it!

Thank you! I try to put a lot of thought into them! Things like that are generally the first thing that I envision when I'm formulating a comic page and then I build the rest of it around that original idea which I hope helps to make the pages more dynamic and less repetitive.

Thank you, I can't wait to finally drop Part 2! Only 5 more days!

[thinkin-bout-milgram]

Deep Cover: Initial Thoughts

Okay, this one is a lot to look at , especially given how relatively little is actually said. Still, I think I'm starting to make sense of it, so here's my analysis that I've figured out so far.

I'll be using @/oehale on Twitter's translation of Kotoko's voice drama Yonah. As usual, I'll be bolding my general topics/thoughts and moving forwards with that. Let's get started!

Kotoko sees herself as the new warden.

The most obvious comparison here is the mimicking of UNDERCOVER. Kotoko, like the original UNDERCOVER, has lyrics that start with "UNDER" and are followed by talking about the other prisoners. She also basically says as much to Es; they're working together now. They should work together to make the "right" Milgram.

It's pretty obvious that our little innocent deal with Kotoko has gone straight to her head. She now sees herself as part of the authority of the prison, and believes it's her role to give out the proper punishment for guilty verdicts. However...

Kotoko believes everyone in the prison (other than her) should be guilty.

This is pretty obvious based on those previously mentioned "UNDER" lines. They're all very critical. Notably, the ones that most clearly indicate this-- towards the end of the song-- only include the innocent prisoners, but she's made it pretty clear that she agrees the earlier guilties should have also been guilty.

“UNDER” Doltish “001 Parasite” “UNDER” Obscene “002 Slut” “UNDER” Incessant “004 Phony Queen” “UNDER” Doomed “005 Dissection Pawn” “UNDER” Concealing “007 Deceiver” “UNDER” Inept “011 Guard”

Even Es, the "inept guard," gets to face Kotoko's judgment! That line is interesting in conversation with the audio drama, which focuses on Kotoko calling Es weak because they've grown to like and have sympathy for the prisoners. Kotoko has come to view Es, someone who is willing to forgive the guilty (in her perception) prisoners, as being guilty as well for not condemning them.

(Also, 011? Are you implying that something will happen after the tenth? Am I right about a Trial 4 in which we'll vote on Es??)

Notably, for Kotoko, wanting everyone to be voted guilty basically means that she wants everyone else to die. In the intro to the second Trial, Kotoko said that she wouldn't go as easy next time, and Mahiru already nearly died this time around.

So ridiculous, isn’t it ridiculous They’re still here, still here, it grates me

This also definitely seems pretty "get everyone else out of here (kill them)" to me, especially given that it's shown after Kotoko smashes all the pieces representing the innocent prisoners as well.

The guilty ones were already broken earlier into the MV:

Futa's and Mahiru's were broken first; they've already been "broken" in the sense that they've been attacked. The other guilty prisoners go next, as they're Kotoko's next targets. Then, finally, the rest of the originally innocent prisoners, who Kotoko hopes will be voted guilty sooner rather than later.

This is also a small note, but I find it interesting that the line "I want a reason for judgment execution, I want it" was initially translated as "I need a good reason to give justice" in the Trial 2 Song Preview. The specific reference to execution was added/wasn't emphasized in the original version. I don't know what the "correct" direct translation is, but I always stand by the fact that if the translators chose to translate something in a certain way, it's intentional.

(Side note, but I wonder if UNDERCOVER's change in official lyrics to include all of the prisoners' Trial 1 song titles happened when they decided to mimic it in Deep Cover, which also includes the Trial 1 song titles. Could be a reason for the change in translation.)

And, uh... that's all I got. That I'm confident about, anyways. I still have other thoughts, though, so rather than me having bolded claims as section titles, I'm just gonna have, like... categories.

The Girl

You.

We've seen her before, in HARROW:

So, she's the one Kotoko rescued from this guy, right? That's what this seems to be telling us. However, there are a couple of important details to consider.

Where's her hat?

What about the girl in the white dress?

What about the girl in the pink shirt?

I'll get back to 1 in a bit.

The girl with the white dress in question only appears shortly in HARROW, and as far as I can tell, not at all in Deep Cover:

It could technically be the same girl, I guess, given that we can't see her face. However, then there's the pink shirt girl:

There's also still this thing from HARROW:

In my original HARROW theory, I theorized that the guy abducted Kotoko (the girl in the pink shirt), but the girl in the white dress distracted him/sacrificed herself long enough for Kotoko to get away. The memorial/potentially a police notification?/whatever the sign with the flowers is belongs to the white dress girl. Kotoko then later tracks down the guy who did it, when he's abducting the girl in orange. Kotoko then kills him.

Honestly, I think that this still tracks. We didn't really get anything else about the memorial, the girl in white or the girl in pink in this MV-- or the guy she killed, for that matter-- so there aren't any conflicts. I'll be moving forward assuming that that's true.

So, then, back to the orange girl. She isn't wearing the hat Kotoko gave her when we see her getting dragged off. What does that mean?

Establishing the Timeline

It seems most likely to me that most of Deep Cover happens after HARROW's murder. That's not just because the opening shot of Deep Cover looks like the end of HARROW. There's a lot more going into that.

First off, there's the girl. I initially thought that she might be Kotoko's sister, given the apparent familiarity Kotoko seems to show to her, rubbing her head in the park scene. However, once I remembered my initial theory, there are only really two possible interpretations I can think of for her involvement with the man Kotoko kills.

Either

She isn't at all related to Kotoko, and they "met" when Kotoko rescued her by killing the man, OR

She IS Kotoko's sister, in which case Kotoko probably used her as bait to lure out the guy in order to follow him back to his warehouse and kill him.

The second one was my initial read, but after looking at it longer, I think the first one makes more sense on the whole. If I'm right that the first thing that happens in the Deep Cover MV is the murder, that means that the park scene happens after it.

This isn't hard evidence or anything, but notably, the hat the girl has says "LUCKY" on it. If she's lucky, it probably means that she's lucky that she survived the situation with the man. It wouldn't be luck if she was planted there by Kotoko; it would only be luck if she happened to be the victim who's abduction lined up with Kotoko's rescue mission.

The park scene is still a little confusing to me if they were strangers, though. After all, Kotoko pretty pointedly ignores the girl at 2:06 to 2:19ish, and as far as I can tell, nothing major happened between the park and then.

There are three main explanations I can think of.

The first one is that the girl tried to stop her. Like, maybe she thought it was really cool when Kotoko rescued her, but when she realized Kotoko went to go threaten/possibly kill someone who, like, stole something from a business or something, she thought that was too much. This is pretty much entirely based upon the fact that the "Tell me why you tell me stop" lyric lines up suspiciously well with the change in the girl's expression from happiness to surprise, and then eventually what looks like fear.

The second one is that Kotoko is distracted at that point. In the park, we see Kotoko still looking at her phone, presumably looking for more wrongdoers. She spends time with the girl while simultaneously working, so it's no bother to her to spend time with the girl. However, when the girl tries to greet her later, she's in work mode. After passing the girl, we see Kotoko marching on forward with smoke (?) around her. It's very dramatic and she looks very threatening. It's even possible that she's doing a werewolf transformation type of thing there. If Kotoko has her sights set on a target, she might be more unwilling to waste time talking to the girl. This would signify that the people she rescues are irrelevant to her; her focus is on punishing wrongdoers, not checking in on saved would-be-victims.

The third one is that the park actually happened after the thing on the street, but given that she's already wearing the hat on the street scene, which she first wears in the park, that doesn't make a lot of sense.

I think the second option makes the most sense, so it's what I'll be going with.

So, the timeline looks like this:

Kotoko, as a child, is abducted by that one guy. She wears a pink shirt in the flashback. The girl in the white dress intercepts and allows Kotoko to escape. Years later, after becoming a vigilante, Kotoko tracks down the same guy and kills him, rescuing the orange outfit girl in the process.

The orange outfit girl finds Kotoko in the park and either receives or shows Kotoko the hat she got. Kotoko, while still looking at information for her next target, entertains her because she isn't actively busy.

The girl tries to approach Kotoko on the street. However, Kotoko is heading after her next target, and there's no time to lose. The expression of intensity and general coldness Kotoko gives off intimidates the girl, and Kotoko proceeds with her plans.

So, that's how Kotoko's murder works, right? There's absolutely nothing else related to time that could drive me insane!

...

Becoming a Lunatic (The Moon Phases)

Okay, Kotoko's a werewolf, she attacks on the full moon, we all get it. Except... goddamn it, there's more moon than just the full moon.

As far as I can tell, there are three moon phases that are shown across HARROW and Deep Cover. The first one I'm talking about is the full moon.

The Full Moon

The wolf zone occurrence of the full moon in HARROW lines up with when she kills the guy, which makes sense. In Deep Cover, it's preceding the time where she smashes all of the remaining innocent prisoners. That hasn't happened yet.

Because moon cycles happen repeatedly, I think it's okay to say that the full moon happened in the past, when Kotoko killed the guy, and in the future, where Kotoko hopes to kill the other prisoners. It's even possible there's a full moon we didn't see when Kotoko attacked Mahiru and Futa.

Like, that's probably just a spotlight, but it definitely COULD be moonlight. Either way, we don't see the sky, so it at least isn't conclusively NOT a full moon then.

So, full moon = violence. What else?

The Waning Crescent

Disclaimer I know nothing about moons. I am working off of this chart from timeanddate.com. If it's wrong blame them, I can't find a better chart anywhere on the internet.

Notably, the waning crescent is what the moon is for pretty much all of HARROW, except the quick appearance of the full moon at the end. There are clearly visible shots of it around 1 minute and 2 minutes in.

I don't really know what specifically waning crescent is supposed to mean here. Google says that it's about change and reflection, but spoilers, that's what it also told me about the third moon phase that shows up, so I don't know how much stock to really put into that.

I think the most obvious (?) symbolism of it is that it's right before the new moon, when the light isn't shining at all. If I had to take a stab at what the new moon represented, I'd say it's times in which Kotoko is powerless. She's powerless when she's looking for information before the first murder, she's powerless when looking at her crossed out board (more on that later), and she's powerless now-- when we're going to vote. She can't give out justice without our help. This is the last part before we give our verdict on her, so as she's looking around at the other prisoners, innocent and guilty alike, she's preparing to be able to do nothing. She hopes she'll get back to that full moon and exact justice on the other prisoners, but that's only hypothetical for now.

Let's talk about that board really quickly. This is how it looks in the middle of Deep Cover, when the crescent shows up:

This is how it looks at both the beginning and end of HARROW:

This is another reason to believe that Deep Cover happens after the end of HARROW. After all, it'd be hard to un-black out the papers, and given that they're hanging in basically the same positions, it'd be surprising if they were replaced papers. So, that means that Kotoko blacks out her information sometime after she successfully kills the guy.

The scene with the blacked out board is immediately followed by the final moon phase, and then by the girl in orange in the park.

The Third Quarter Moon

The crescent moon on top of the board directly fades into this third quarter moon. This made sense to me until I saw the arrow on the moon phase chart telling me to read it counterclockwise. Then I was confused.

Because the third quarter moon happens immediately before the waning crescent, I think that this moon shift is meant to serve as a time rewind. The scene with the girl in the park (and therefore also, the girl on the street) happens before the scene with the blacked out board. This supports the idea that Kotoko ignored the girl because she was taking out a target; after that scene, all her targets are gone, so Kotoko can cross out the information about them on her wall.

This also checks out with the stuff with the girl in the park and on the street happening after Kotoko kills the guy, given that the third quarter moon comes a little bit after the full moon.

There's no occurrence of the third quarter moon in HARROW. However, it does actually show up one other time in Deep Cover.

At 2:28, the moon shows up in third quarter again, then transitioning to a pink full moon. I'd assume that this shift backwards in the moon cycle, as it did earlier, signifies turning back in time. However, the pink full moon refers to Kotoko killing all of the remaining Milgram prisoners, an event that's already in the future. What happens after the hypothetical future scenario of Kotoko killing everyone?

The answer is, Kotoko collapsing in the wreckage of the destruction she caused. She's in her warden outfit, so it's consistent. The scratch marks probably indicate that this is immediately after she turns back from being a werewolf, in the hypothetical pink full moon.

This indicates that, somewhere in her mind, Kotoko realizes that she might suffer from killing everyone else, collapsing under the weight. It does seem like Kotoko understands that being the one true savior is difficult.

K: I know it well. It's so hard to hold the responsibility of a guard all alone. I've also felt this way. You are such a kind person. You can't stand the prison changing with the power of your choices. So you need someone to be with. Leave all of the dirty work to me.

Even if she wants to present herself as someone who's crushed her own weakness, she still has to worry. The lyrics of the chorus are begging Es to give her her next target. If she doesn't have people to target, she doesn't have purpose. Her board is all blacked out; the guilty prisoners will be crushed. Once all that's said and done... what else is she going to do?

Conclusion

Anyways, that's my best shot at understanding this MV. It is... confusing. The main things I still don't understand across the two MVs are the many wolves with purple glowing eyes in HARROW and what the hell the pieces that represent the other prisoners in Deep Cover are. If they're not chess, then what are they???

oh wait lmao i forgot

VERDICT: GUILTY

We already knew this one.

I can't tell Kotoko that it's right to kill the rest of the prisoners, and she really needs to be restrained. I don't know exactly what the damage is gonna be to Kotoko's mental state, but for the safety of everyone else, I kinda have to. She makes fair points about us verbally torturing prisoners not being that different from physically harming them, but... we're at the very least not shooting to kill?? Like, if you kill them, there's no hope at redeeming them. That's what we're trying to do, even if the tactics Milgram gives us are less than ideal.

Anyways, tell me your thoughts and if any of this made sense! Happy end of Trial 2!

[bunnakit]

top 5 most unhinged scenes!!

ask me my top 5 bl anything 🌸

this is gonna require some serious thought hmmm

i mean this is the gold star right now, right? there's a reason yai is my pfp these days and it's because that was my exact facial expression throughout this whole scene. gobsmacked, elated, excited -- i really ran a whole gambit of emotions (i still am tbh)

i saw this moment out of context as the show was airing and i was like oh hell yeah a feisty lil guy - and then i got to the scene and i was like oh yeah no that's actually completely fair, he deserves a chomp. i would be so pissed if i was ai di and probably would have done the same. (and i enjoy you can see him think about going back in for another kiss tho)

sorry for the blood but like. this scene. this fucking scene. i can't remember ever crying so hard at anything. an open heart massage or resuscitative thoracotomy is a very real thing and is only performed in extreme emergencies when sign of life is still present. i don't think it would have done anything to help tin given the circumstances but the absolute desperation from sing to do anything to save his best friend was gut wrenching. and then to move from this into tol's grief and denial? this episode fucked me up so badly i had to take a lap around my house and do some breathing exercises.

i wasn't going to include kiseki: dear to me again but truly, what in the strawberry huckleberry fuck was chen dong yang thinking here? you're going to teach ai di about loss? ai di??? the orphan who lost his mom to a drug addiction??? who has only ever tried to protect chen yi? yeah, no, i think he knows a thing or two about loss, i don't think this "lesson" was necessary. i'm so fucking glad i wasn't watching this as it came out, i remember the screaming on my dash and i was FILLED with fear.

i did really enjoy we could see how aware of his surroundings ai di is at all times, though. his eyes scanned the area for just a moment and he was locked ON to that gun. baby boy might be a feral menace but he's good at what he does.

i am still reeling from this. you wanna run that by me again chief?

i'm going to be honest with you guys, i've been in this situation. i was dating this guy for maybe two weeks. he was going to get signed to a major league baseball team relatively soon (i've dated a whole cast of characters,) really nice guy, would come see me at work just because he missed me, almost everything was a big green flag. UNTIL. out of nowhere he says "hey do you want to have kids?" and i was like yeah idk maybe eventually and he replied "no i mean like now"

what the fuck do you mean??? hello???

needless to say uhh i found a tactful way to break up with him after that because what the fuck.

bls sure are a fucking RIDE and i am grateful for my new companion yai to really sum up my feelings about each and every one of these scenes (and all the ones to come)

[tia-amorosa]

Sunset Died - Hatch/Frio

New, old Friend

Emma ran over to him with quick steps until she was standing close behind him. "Hey, are you ignoring me?". He slowly turned to face her. And looked her up and down, he was simply shocked. "You… you're alive? How?"/ "It's all a longer story… It's nice to see you, it's nice to finally be here again"….

"I…I really don't know what to say, Emma, so…It's really a miracle that you're standing in front of me and so…". . "I'm that slim? Hnhn, I've been walking a lot in the last few months…"/ "Really… And where have you been? Were you alone?"/ "No, I wasn't and I didn't come back alone either. Blair and Cyclone are back here too"/ "really? Are you all all right?".

Connor's shocked face slowly relaxed, but he was still a little perplexed. "Yes, you're all right, shall we say, according to the circumstances?"/ "Why, what happened? Sorry, but I have a lot of questions… A lot has happened here too, as you can see". He looked to the side, down the street. Where there should be a road, there was now just a wide path that people used to get from A to B. "mhm, I know. can we maybe go inside and talk there?"/ "Sure".

Connor let Emma into the house. And Emma was a little surprised. "This is the Andrews' house, isn't it? Are you living here now?"/ "mhm, for now, until I find somewhere habitable again…"/ "uff, okay. They wouldn't exactly be my favorite if I were looking for a place to stay". He shrugged his shoulders. "I couldn't help it, we even have to sleep in the same room"/ "eww, and you have to put up with Beau naked?"/ "no… But he looks better, healthier. Why don't you sit down…".in

Emma sat down on the sofa. It was still the same one that had been here before the disaster. Everything was relatively well preserved, except for the upper floor of the house, which was almost completely destroyed. "Everything okay?"/ "huh? Yes,… Yes, everything's fine, it's just… you're here now and I have to process this first, hnhn"/ "hnhn. hii, it's really me".

"yes, it's you…h-hh…". He took a deep breath and Emma realized that something was on his mind. "Hey, something's wrong, isn't it? Is it because of me? Or… Hey, what about your brother?". Connor paused for a moment before continuing. "He's not there anymore, Emma… He was just too stupid to listen to me. Right up until the end I told him to just leave that fucking car…"/ "I'm sorry about that…"/ "Don't be, we all know what he was like…"/ "But he was your brother".

"yeah, was. Man, even Claire was killed by those fucking things and he had just found out from her that he was going to be a father… Do you think he cared?". Emma breathed a loud sigh of relief and gave him a little pat on the room. "Maybe not. Really, I'm so sorry about that, for the baby too…"/ "I would have made friends with the idea of taking care of it myself, if she had managed it…"/ "mhm". Emma was shocked by the news that his brother and Claire, who was pregnant at the time, were no longer alive. "what do you do all day, Connor?".

Connor realized that she wanted to divert attention from the subject a little. He was even a little grateful for that. "tz, well, what do I do? There's still plenty to do, people still need help with the renovations. At least we're using everything that's available to us here. Everyone helps everyone, and I… I recently picked up a pen again, I haven't been able to do that for a long time… basically I'm as boring as ever, but I'm getting involved"

Emma looked at him with a small blink and smiled as she scrutinized him a little: "hm, so you were never really boring, at least not for me. And you've lost weight too…"/"Well, with the downside that it doesn't look as good on me as it does on you," he joked a little. "hn, thanks."/ "I'm serious. Have you had a look around?"/ "mhm, a little, yes, and I'm surprised at how much has been rebuilt here. Who actually lives here with whom now?".

Connor had of course not only made it his business to help the others rebuild their homes, he also kept a little record of who was still living here in the town, who wasn't and he also knew a little about who was now in a relationship with whom. So he told Emma how he and the others had fared here over the last few months.

After the two of them had spent almost two hours talking about everything they had experienced in the last few months, they slowly became much more relaxed. "Really, you brought chickens here?"/ "Hnhn, yes, they're still in my room and pooping all over the place"/ "Hehe, you should build them a shelter as soon as possible. I know where there's enough wood".

"Show me later, okay? I gave the chickens something to eat earlier, I think they'll manage without me for a few more hours. Hm, is there anywhere around here you can have a bit of fun, Connor? I've only seen green forests for many months, I need something colorful again." Connor remembered that Emma also liked to socialize. "Hmm, maybe I know something. I don't know if there's anything going on there today or tomorrow". She looked at him and smiled a little mischievously. "just show me" / "so… okay, let's go then".

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

End of this Part

@greenplumbboblover 😊

[pineappleciders]

one of our ferrets died today. i wasn't close with him and didn't get to bond with him much in recent years, but i still have so many memories of avicii and how mischievous he was. nobody knows how old he is as he was a rescue but it's rather clear he passed of old age. he stopped eating, has been slowing down and getting skinnier. though he was still just as curious through his last days. him and the two other ferrets belong to my brother. originally it was avicii and (what was assumed to be his brother), and the other ferret passed in my brothers arms. i had never seen him cry before that. i don't have a great relationship with my brother but it felt so viscerally uncomfortable and painful to watch someone wallow in the sorrow of losing their pet. tomorrow him and his friends will come over and we will have a funeral.

death feels like something that creeps up into your life slowly. i have never lost anyone close to me, only relatives and animals, so i don't know the pain of it but i have seen it . my baby cousin died very young and i wasn't around to see her but i can see the pain in my parent's eyes when they mention her. i could hear the cries over the phone when my sisters puppy died. my grandmother, who stayed solemnly gentle and kind as she handed me her mother's wallet that she wanted me to have, and all the people that sobbed at her funeral while i stood awkwardly with tears, mourning a person i remember meeting once

the worst experience with death i had was when our rabbits all had babies over a short period of time. so many baby bunnies died and i remember waking up to my brother and his girlfriend crying as they put daisy's body in my hands. she was so tiny, and had a disability that made her head essentially stuck looking upwards. she would trip and fall everywhere but she was just as hoppy and curious as the other buns. i remember burying every single one of the babies and most of their names

and it aches me to think of those who have it worse. i am so lucky to have little grief in my life, to think of my moms tumor, my dads shingles, my sisters car accidents and how many terrible things we avoided to be standing here alive today. but right now there are so many people dying, losing their parents and children and siblings and lovers and pets and homes

so today, i'm grateful i have privilege others don't. i'm grateful i have a house with a family and don't have to worry about running out of food or water. i'm grateful i have internet and the free speech to post whatever i want. i regret not spending more time with avicii, that seems to be a common theme in grief is regret. although in his last days, my dad would bring him around the house to get pets and love and to sniff. so i'm happy he got extra care in his last days, and hopefully he's with his brother now

just wanted to rant a bit ab death since it's such a foreign concept to me still and i can't properly express the strangeness that comes with the feeling of grief. it feels empty, and you see things in black and white, and you want to cry but you just can't??

anywho i hope my brother and parents can cope with this, i know they are a lot closer to avicii than i was. thx for reading

[dangerously-human]

I had a sorta rough day yesterday for most of it; I was exhausted (I think fighting off a migraine, given the light sensitivity) and work wasn't going well and I could not force my brain to function all day. But after work, I got to go visit my uncle, hang out with him and his cat for a bit. He helped me with some planning for my upcoming Ireland trip (one month!), since he's been over there upwards of 30 times and always has the scoop. Then it was family history time: he pulled out a suitcase that my great-great-grandmother packed to send back to the States when the Berlin Wall went up. (My family came here during the war, but a lot of the extended family were still living in what became East Germany.) It was neat to see what she thought was worth keeping, and all the bits of history that so easily fade into the past. My uncle only speaks a little German and I know almost none - my grandfather was a child when they emigrated and you can imagine the attitude toward the language then; it wasn't exactly a priority to pass down - so we couldn't understand everything, but even details like a relative's military commendations two years apart, one with an older German seal and the next Nazi, like everything changed so quickly. Lots of photographs, including messy ones and silly faces (my favorite was one of my grandfather sticking his tongue out at my laughing great-grandmother) and scenery from travel, all the same things I love taking pictures of now, just everyday moments from up to 100 years ago. Then there was the letter and family history from my great-aunt (that I cried reading; it sounded just like her and I missed her terribly, I grew up pretty close to her and she died soon after I graduated college), then pages upon pages from my great-grandfather, a lifelong storyteller and dedicated keeper of family history. While we were in Ireland together two Thanksgivings ago, my uncle played for me a recording of some of Vati's stories - seeing America for the first time; lots of silly tales for the children about their dog going on grand adventures. My uncle's goal is to digitize as many of these old documents as possible, as some of them are beginning to fall apart, and ideally to get them translated, too. I'm grateful my extended family has, for generations, been obsessive history-keepers and keen storytellers, which I think makes sense for people who were forced from their homes and lived through generations of uncertain borders and constantly shifting tides. My grandfather died when I was very young, so I only have one or two memories of him, and I never got to meet the previous generations (though I've been told all my life I have Mutti's wild hair and Vati's love of learning) - but I feel like I know them, because they've been kept alive through all these memories made tangible, and they've gifted me a glimpse of people from centuries before my time, all of whom played a part in making me who I am today. It's quite beautiful.

[freyafrida]

I, R and Z!! 🫶

hiiii, thank you! ❤️

I: How many fandoms have you written in? Do you have a favorite?

i think 9-10, over the years? i have 7 listed on AO3 and wrote for a few other ones back in, like, my message board days. idk that i have a favorite, necessarily? it's usually whichever one i'm super fixated on at the moment, haha. right now it's AOGG, but it was midnighters a few years ago!

R: Which writers (fanfic or otherwise) do you consider the biggest influence on you and your writing?

let's see…idk about any fanfic authors in particular, but i do think certain aspects of fanfic-style writing (present tense, lots of focus on relationships/emotions and singular moments) are obvs really big influences. for writers, i want to say cynthia voigt and vienna teng (who's a musician, but speaking of her lyrics), but maybe that's wishful thinking, haha -- both of them, i think, have a really…muted, restrained style that is delicate but not really fragile; more like there's a soft touch to their writing that's understanding of characters and of the reader/listener. idk. always a huge fan and always trying to imitate that.

similarly, the flow of LMM's writing gets me just as much as her characters and plots and humor. i do think my abuse of the em-dash is down entirely to her, lol. i think the way she uses it in speech is really evocative ("Is—it—true?” asked Anne in a voice that was not hers.) i also always really loved the way she uses it to express things that are too hard for the characters to think (Pacifique would know if—if—Pacifique would know what there was to be known.)

(lol i had anne of the island open and just ctrl+F'd for the em-dash, have some of the gilbert dying chapters)

Z: Is there a story you’ve written that doesn’t seem to get much love?

the more that you say, the less i know reporting for duty with zero comments and less than 10 kudos 🫡 jokes aside, it's a rarepair in a fandom that died in 2009 and was never very active even before then (uglies by scott westerfeld) so like…i wasn't expecting much for it, anyway! (i do wanna acknowledge that my other david/shay fic has a couple of comments, which i'm super grateful for!) i think all my fics get about the amount of love/engagement that i would expect (or even more), relative to the popularity of the ship and fandom, tbh.

(kind of on that topic, it's interesting to see aogg fics pick up when AWAE made the fandom more active and contrast that with how that netflix uglies movie did, like, nothing on that front lmao because it was not good but that's another story)

[liviavanrouge]

Chat

Sena: ....is it selfish to me...to not want to know them?

Cove: *Looks at her* Your siblings?

Sena: *Hugs her knees to her chest* Yeah....I mean it wasn't their fault that they were taken in and I got left alone but it still hurts

Cove: Can you explain everything to me?

Sena: Apparently my parents died and then it was me and triplet siblings, no blood relatives could take us in...

Sena: My siblings got taken before I did and I was left alone for a short while till Mom and Ma took me in...

Cove: Sena, I'm really sorry about what happened to your parents..so, so sorry

Sena: *Rubs her eyes trying to stop the tears* It's embarrassing being seen like this, I've been the most mature one and now I'm breaking down

Cove: Sena....you're not doing anything wrong, you know that right

Sena: *Tilts her head away silently*

Cove: I think you can be as sad as you want, for as long as you need or you can feel okay about it whenever you want, too

Sena: ....you didn't answer my question from earlier...

Cove: *Rubs the back of his head, looking away* ....I don't think you're selfish for wanting that

Sena: *Perks up surprised*

Cove: Yeah, like you said, it's not their fault you all got separated but I guess I somewhat understand not wanting to know people you've never known...

Sena: *Stares at him*

Cove: But...one day, you might run into them and maybe you'll feel different

Sena: *Looks away, her hair falling out of its buns* Maybe....but right now, I'm grateful for the people who are already in my life, I feel no need to go searching for my siblings just to be happy....

???: Hey.

Sena: *Turns around, her hair draping over her left shoulder*

Elizabeth: *Stands not far then walks closer* Would you mind going? I want to talk to just Sena.

Elizabeth: You can come back, it's not gonna be forever or anything

Sena: I wanted to talk with you as well

Elizabeth: Oh? Then we're on the same page

Sena: *Stands up, watching Cove leave*

Elizabeth: Did Mom's tell you about your parents too?

Sena: My birth parents are dead and turns out I'm a triplet....but my siblings got taken before I did...

Elizabeth: *Looks away* Sorry.

Sena: Why did you want to talk to me?

Elizabeth: *Raises an eyebrow* I was worried about you, I was the one who brought it up but I made you deal with whatever was left after I was gone

Sena: *Blinks twice* Oh

Elizabeth: I wanted to ask you what happened without anyone breathing down our necks

Sena: *Smiles* It was quite rude to bail like that

Elizabeth: *Rolls her eyes, trying to hide her smile* I know, I know, I'm not very nice

Sena: *Looks down her smile fading* All of this.....really upset me..

Elizabeth: I'm sorry Sena, it's a pretty depressing topic

Sena: It is...

Elizabeth: You have to be born in the U.S. to become president

Sena: Huh?

Elizabeth: I get that I was never gonna get to be president but...it just feels weird having stuff taken away not even getting a chance at it..

Elizabeth: I don't like having to know that when I was born I was gonna have a completely different life

Elizabeth: So different that I can't even think about what it'd look like in my head

Sena: *Fiddles with her dress, watching Elizabeth Intently*

Elizabeth: I could've spoken another language, lived away from everything I've ever seen here, had someone else as my sibling

Elizabeth: And then my parents died, and I was adopted and the life I got became a totally new thing forever

Sena: Elizabeth...

Elizabeth: I can't go back to what it was even if I wanted to

Sena: I guess I know how you feel...a little, but to be honest I couldn't care less about a life I could've had

Sena: *Looks away towards the ocean* This is my life...even though I didn't choose it, I'm gonna stick with it until the end

Elizabeth: *Stares at her* I don't know why today was the day

Sena: *Turns her attention back to her*

Elizabeth: Nothing came up to make me ask the question, It was just something I've had in my head for a while

Elizabeth: When it was just me and moms in the living room I just kind of....said it, finally and there you go

Sena: Oh...

Elizabeth: ....learning about them and what happened doesn't change how I feel about our family, Sena

Elizabeth: *Smirks* I'd already figured out a long time ago that moms weren't out biological parents. It wasn't news

Sena: They could've, just not together

Elizabeth: True but I'm not half white or native american. So, no, neither of them could have been my mom

Elizabeth: Nice try, smart aleck

Sena: *Smiles slightly*

Elizabeth: Nothing about the family I was first born in would've made me decide that this wasn't my family anymore

Elizabeth: *Smiles* If you had hoped you'd be free of my big sisterly status, don't think you're so lucky

Sena: *Giggles*

Elizabeth: You'll always be my little sister

Sena: And you'll always be my big sister

Elizabeth: *Chuckles* Ready to head back home? It's been a long day

Sena: Yes please

Elizabeth: Come on, you two, let's go

Sena: *Smiles, and dusts the bottom of her dress off hurrying after her*

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas, idk if this matters to the what I'm gonna say because I am not planning this in the slightest but it's talkative mom anon.

My brother's not helping and I don't have anyone else to talk to rn so... is that sad? I feel like that's a bit sad.

(Just a bit of a warning I talk about a relative passing away a lot in this)

Anyway I wanted to vent about this specific thing that I remembered that still makes me so angry.

So basically my grandmother (on my moms side) passed away around 2 years ago. Actually yesterday was her birthday. Anyway, I live abroad and she died before we could get back to the US, so I didn't get to say goodbye. Which crushed me. I was very close to her. She was one of my favorite people ever.

So we went back to the US for the funeral which meant I was missing the first 2 months of school. But instead of letting me take those two months to process my grief my mom made me do school online. Which meant that

1. I was the only person in my entire class that was online and

2. I was doing school from 8 pm to midnight because of time difference. (She only made me do school for half the school day so I should be more grateful 🙄)

Neither her or my dad worked online or otherwise the entire 2 months we were there. I think I remember her making me do school the night of the funeral as well (like wtf).

It didn't help that my dad got an air bnb that was in the basement of a person's house who was living there, on a farm, had cockroaches, was a 30 minute drive from our relatives, and had 2 bedrooms which meant I was sleeping on a pullout. Which is completely fine for a week or 2 but it was 2 months without a room to myself. My bed was right in front of the bathroom so if I was asleep (after midnight because school) my brother would climb on my bed and wake me up to get to the bathroom. Again that was fine. What pissed me off was that as soon as I was awake I was expected to put the pullout away so i didn't inconvenience my parents. If they found me awake and still in bed in the morning then I wasn't allowed a bed anymore and had to put it away.

So I didn't have a room, was being woken up by my brother every night, and wasn't even allowed to lay in bed for 5 extra minutes while doing school until midnight while my parents weren't working at all, all while grieving my grandma I didn't get to say goodbye to.

I would also like to mention that I don't like physical touch from people sometimes and my parents (specifically mom) like to make fun of me for it. And for a year after my grandma died when I told her I wasn't comfortable with hugging right now she would guilt me into hugging her because "I can't hug my mom anymore so you have to hug me" when I was still processing and grieving over my grandmas death.

Sorry for rambling. Again. Thank you, your answer to my last ask was so kind and helpful.

Hi hon!

Honestly, it sounds like your family has a bit of trouble with boundaries and with respecting your needs. I'm so sorry that's happening, I know how invalidating that can feel.

Remember that just people that's happening, it doesn't make your feelings or needs any less real or valid. You also have a right to (respectfully and kindly) say what you need. Because these are adults acting this way, this can be scary and you need to be respectful, but you can say, for example, "This is my body and I have a right to say I don't want a hug right now. It's nothing against you." And then you don't have to feel guilty when your mom reacts negatively. Her feelings are HER problem.

It's okay to set boundaries. It's actually very healthy.

[xexiar]

Keep Watching. Ch10

Ch9 Ao3 FFnet (I'm ahead of schedule, so two chapters in relatively one day)

-----

Chapter 10

I was still in disbelief that Deku had yelled at his mom. He never done that before. I wonder what could have came over him. "So. Talk nerd." It took a while to get him to stop crying long enough to talk. So now we're just sitting in the ally.

"I don't know what came over me. She kept pushing and pushing. Saying things about how she's my mom. And stuff about how I shouldn't hide things from her. But it's not my fault I don't trust her with anything. After all, you know what's going on." I nodded in agreement as I continued looking forward. I might be the only person who knows about the nerd's home life. "All I could remember was being backed into a corner. It was so hard to not get angry, but I couldn't hold it in anymore. How do you do it?"

"How do I do what?" That's when I looked at Deku and saw he was crying again.

"How are you able to be angry without holding back? It hurts so much. I'm so tried." I then pushed his shoulders, which got him to look at me. "What was that for?"

"Where's the nerd that stood back up after constantly being forced down? Where's the idiot who jumps into fights that isn't his?"

"Kacchan." I watched as Deku stood up. "You're right." I stood up as well and patted the dirty off. "I'm going to tell mom I did the entrance exam."

"Don't do anything crazy when she blows up."

That's when Deku let out a chuckle. At that, I had to hold back my own smile. I hated seeing him cry but I still have a lot to make up for. Since the day on the roof all I could think about was how would I make it up to Deku. Hopefully this is one step in that direction. That's when I remembered he ran through busy traffic! So I punched his face. "Hey! What was that for?"

"For being a damn idiot! Stop putting yourself in danger! I don't want to be the one who tells your hag how her son died."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

I punched him again, which knocked him down. "Stop running into trouble! Next time I catch you doing some stupid shit I'm breaking your legs!"

Deku smiled and it sent a chill down my spine. Why was he smiling? "It's only stupid if I fail."

…

I still can't believe Kacchan caught me. Let alone heard me out as I vented about what happened with me. We haven't done anything like that since we were in elementary school. At that, something seemed off about him today. Especially with how I noticed how he seemed to be staring off into the distance. But I was grateful that I even spoke to someone. It was nice to have that moment as if we were friends again.

As I stood in front of my apartment door, I wasn't sure about anything. Will mom still be home? How will I handle talking to her? Does she forgive me for screaming at her? How could she forgive me? I been an awful son for making her worry and then lie to her.

Before I walked away is when the door opened. "Izuku?"

The tears that ran down her face made the guilt weigh heavier. Taking in a deep breath I faced her. "I'm sorry, mom." She pulled me into a tight hug, and we stood there crying. Before long we were in the kitchen. While we sat at the table, mom handed me, what seemed to be a fresh bowl, of katsudon. "Thanks mom."

We stood in silence for a while, as I ate. But something just felt so wrong about this. Before I could speak, mom spoke first. "I shouldn't have gotten angry with you. I was just worried, since you never came home so bandaged up before."

"Yes, I have." That's when mom looked at me. "I always came home with one or another form of bandages. I would get beaten on a daily during and after school. You just were at work when I came home. It took me a while but I learned to cleaned up my wounds that you wouldn't notice. I didn't want to worry you more than you already was." The look of shock on mom's face somehow made me angry.

I don't get why I'm getting angry. Shouldn't I be feeling relieved that I'm finally telling her? And what followed the anger was a deep sense of guilt. I then watched as mom started to cry. Damn it. Now I really done it. Why can't I do anything right? Just before I could get up, mom grabbed my hand. "Please, Izuku. I'm here now. So, please. Let me make it up to you."

Even though I sat back down, I didn't believe her. What was the point? I felt the anger building again, just before everything went numb. Why be more of a burden than I already was? I took one more look at my half-eaten bowl before smiling and looking at mom. "I did the entrance exam for UA. Now, I'm just waiting for the results."

Even though I was staring at mom, the whole room seemed like a blur to me. I couldn't even tell the sounds apart. But I some how was able to hear when mom spoke. "But a person need a quirk to take part. How did you even get in? That's impossible! I don't believe you." I pointed to my bandaged arm. "Oh my goodness! That's where you got injured? I'm calling that school right now! How dare they let my baby get hurt!"

"Stop, mom. I entered. I'm the one who knew what I was getting into. There's no going back." Even though I still couldn't tell what was happening around me, I just knew mom was crying. At that, I couldn't even tell if I was crying. All I was able to feel was that smile I have mastered putting on whenever I felt numb. After all, nobody needs to be burden with knowing the pain I feel.

I was still in disbelief mom took the next two weeks off from work. Saying stuff about wanting to be here for me. With her around I didn't have a chance to breathe or think. It felt suffocating. Maybe I'm just so used to being on my own that this level of attention feels so wrong.

It felt like the days blurred into each other. It didn't help that I barely left my room, unless to eat. The only thing that went through my head was wondering if I got into UA. What if I didn't? What would I do then? Will I have to return All Might's quirk? Or is there another way to become a hero? Maybe… Not legally.

That's when I heard a knock at my door. Before I opened it, I put on a smile and made sure to hide the knife I was holding. When I opened my door, I was surprised to see mom trying to give me something. I hesitantly too the item from her. I still wasn't able to tell what it was. Too numb to register my very existence. "It's from UA." Hearing those words brought some clarity.

I closed my door and went over to my desk. After a few deep breaths and blinking, I finally took note of what was in my hand. A small envelope that felt somewhat heavy. When I opened it a small projector fell out. There was also a letter, but I'll read that later. As I watched the holographic message, I was still in disbelief it was All Might.

So… I made it in? I actually got into the high school of my dreams? As the disbelief slowly faded, I started to grin. Oh, how perfect this was. I even enjoyed seeing that my action of saving someone is actually helped me out. See Kacchan. I can still be a hero and keep my promise. "Soon, Kac chan." WAIT! Where did that come from? I blinked frantically as I stare at myself on the computer monitor.

After I caught my breath and read the letter, I finally left my room. I found mom in the kitchen and told her the news. At first, she looked away as she fidgeted with her hands. When she did look at me, I could tell she was forcing a smile. "I'm so proud of you, baby. You finally can follow your dream." She doesn't believe in me.

I tried to keep my smile as I hugged her. "Thanks mom. I'm so happy." When she did hug back it felt cold. There was no warmth between us. And I had to fight back the tears that wanted to shed. It doesn't matter if she supports me or not. There's one person who believes in me and that's all I need. The fact someone finally believed in my dream was all I ever needed. Now is my chance to prove them all wrong. Especially Kacchan.

[genzdiariez]

I kind of just want to talk about nothing. This is a diary, after all. Lengthy personal ramble up ahead, if anyone dares or cares to read it. CW: suicidal ideation

So. I'm 20 now. It's been probably six years since I last actually used this blog, until a couple days ago when I checked the email I made it with and saw that it had accrued a bunch of bot followers. So, I logged on, started purging them (and probably some real people too, my bad,) and realized I might be able to start doing this again. So I started following a bunch of people.

For some reason, this blog's url was changed to -blog, and then someone else took the zdiariez url, and I'm not sure I'm willing to confront someone for a url I might end up dropping again in a few months anyway. It does suck, though. I don't like having dashes in my usernames.

I'm not sure I ever talked about this on this blog before, but my mom used to be a massive TERF. Part of the reality of millenials raising gen z is that millenials and gen z are both WAY too online. She got sucked into her toxic circles, I got sucked into mine. I guess in a way, we both saw each others' toxicity and not our own.

At the time (six years ago, freshman year) I was dating a girl who had me on my phone literally whenever she could get my attention. I got in trouble in my computer-something class multiple times because I would constantly check my phone to talk to her. If I didn't, she would get very upset with me. I remember her telling me that it wasn't fair when I was tired, because she lives on the east coast and I live on the west coast, and for her to talk to me she has to stay up really late while it's relatively early where I am, and when I go to bed at a reasonable hour, she doesn't have anyone to talk to.

My mom recognized in me a growing anxiety of being away from my phone or computer, and quickly realized it was because I was being emotionally manipulated. By a fourteen year old girl. Of course it's possible when you're both fourteen. That entire relationship was an absolute dumpster fire. I'll never forget how her ex would treat me like a demon and misgender me simply because she didn't like me. Or how she would cut herself on call with my ex to guilt her. I honestly don't understand how we could have so much drama.

So was being fourteen, to be honest. Again, not sure how much I've talked about this, but right when my middle school years ended and I entered into high school, my friend group kicked me out - right after my cat died - and basically told me that I was a bitch and to get lost. "We're tired of walking on eggshells around you all the time." I didn't get the memo that being emotionally volatile after the death of my beloved cat was unacceptable. I think I'll always be pretty fucking salty about that whole situation. It was the seed that grew into a big, strong, healthy Fear of Abandonment and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria tree.

So I lost my cat, my friends, my girlfriend is suffocating me, my mom won't accept me for who I am, so what am I to do? Obviously, I'll hang myself from the catwalks in the school theater with a rope I was given as a prop for a play.

Saying it now, it's melodramatic and needlessly traumatizing for anyone who witnesses it. Back then, it was so comforting to think that I was finally going to be done with it.

Making this blog in the first place was a way for me to cry for help. I didn't ask for help very well, that's something I've never been good at. I kind of wish I was, then maybe I wouldn't have been in such a dark place to begin with, or maybe someone would have noticed the way i was talking on here and reached out.

I feel forever grateful for an interaction I had on this blog when I was fourteen, two years after I came out as nonbinary, unsure if I was allowed to call myself trans and relate to other trans people. An adult (or at least someone older than me) came in to tell me that I am just as trans as anyone else, and my struggles matter. Thank you, blog I've forgotten the name of. You genuinely did help me. You restructured my neurons in the right way where I can tell myself and other people, of course I'm trans! I'm not cis, am I?