#it wasn't funny then and it's not funny for me now personally the way they hate the song kills the vibe

[lovecla]

STUCK WITH YOU ; QUINN HUGHES.

❄︎ pair: quinn hughes x y/n.

❄︎ synopsis: of all the things y/n thought she was going to do on christmas eve, being stuck with her sister’s brother-in-law, quinn hughes, wasn't one of them.

❄︎ word count: 5.6k

❄︎ chapter warnings: unedited, p in v, unprotected sex, fingering, use of the word slut (once), softdom!quinn, dirty talk.

💌 from me to you: merry christmas, babies 🩶 i hope all of you had a great time and lots of delicious food. 1st of all, i’d like to apologise bc i got carried away with the word count! 2nd of all, i’m sorry about how dirty this is… this was supposed to be wholesome and cute but i don’t know what happened 😭 sorry…. anyways, as always, forgive me for this poorly written smut and share with me your thoughts! i love you! ♡

𖧷

Ever Since your sister started dating one of the most known hockey players, Luke Hughes, your life changed— for the better, that is. It’s not like you’re used to all the attention, but it’s nice to attend parties and meet your favorite hockey players for free.

But, the only issue you didn’t see coming when she announced that she was, in fact, very much in love with the youngest of the Hughes brothers is that now you have to constantly coexist with your long time celebrity crush, Quinn Hughes.

It’s an old thing, your situation with Quinn Hughes. You first started noticing him during his time in college, when he was just eighteen.

None of your friends understood what was so special about him but you just told them they didn’t have to: Quinn Hughes is one of the most attractive men you have ever seen, and you’ll stand by that until the end of your days.

When your sister decided that she would make Luke Hughes hers, you remember laughing and saying: He’ll be yours when Quinn Hughes’s mine.

Turns out, Luke is your sister’s.

And, well. Quinn’s not yours.

When you’re around him, during dinners and parties, you almost don’t even acknowledge him. It’s just because you don’t know how to be around him without immediately blushing and cringing at your own words.

It’s like you’re a teenager all over again, but what else can you do, really. He’s attractive, he’s funny and he cares about the people he loves; you cannot not be in love with someone like him.

But now you’re his brother’s sister in law and have been for the past year. You have been doing a great job at not staying in the same room as him for too long, and even if you can come off as rude or mean, it’s better than to get caught while watching him with lovey eyes.

It’s December 24th, and you’re on your way to your sister’s house, where you’d spend Christmas with her— and since she’s only arriving later that night because of work, you’ll be there earlier to arrange things for her.

You’re annoyed by the fact that she has to work until late during Christmas time but at least you’ll get to spend the night with at least one of your family members, since your parents are out of town.

What’s also annoying is the fact that it’s cold and snowing. Not just normal, winter type of snow but North-Pole type of snow. You’re shivering inside your car, because your heater is broken and you stupidly decided that it’d be a great idea to wear just leggings and a sweatshirt.

You park in front of her house, sighing and trying to move as fast as your frozen limbs could. You’re also carrying a hundred bags with you, because decorating is your favorite part of Christmas and knowing your sister and her workaholic personality, you know that she probably doesn’t even have her tree out of her attic yet— so you’ll have to do the whole decorating thing by yourself.

Which you silently prefer because there’s nothing you hate more when people try to dictate where your ornaments should go.

You ring her doorbell first, before dumbly realizing that she’s probably at work already, so you just start looking for the spare key she gave you when the door opens, making you lift your head up with a smile, only to drop it two seconds later.

“Oh.”

Quinn’s looking back at you with a polite smile, and you’re not sure that what you’re seeing is actually real because why the hell would Quinn Hughes be at your sister’s house during Christmas?

“Hi, Y/n.” He says, leaning against the door frame.

You frown without even noticing it. Why didn’t she warn you that he would be at her house?

You’ve been staring at him for what feels to be hours, when he speaks again: “Aren’t you… cold?”

You realize that he’s right and you are cold. Cold and tired because you’re still holding the heavy bags, so you just nod and watch as he opens the door more and reaches for the bags in your hand, picking all four of them up like they’re not heavy at all and letting you in.

You’re still in shock and shivering when you close the door behind you, welcoming the warm air inside the house, thankful for your sister’s amazing heating system.

Quinn walks back to the living room and you grab your phone, dialing your sister’s number and putting the phone against your ear.

“Y/n? Are you—”

“Why didn’t you tell me he would be at your place?!” You shout slash whisper, hiding behind her clothes rack.

“Who’s he? Why are you whispering?”

“What do you mean who’s he?” You hiss. “I’m talking about him!”

“Who’s… Oh.”

“Yes. Oh.”

Her laugh makes you blush. “I didn’t think he’d arrive so soon. I told him he could come later because you’d be the only one there so I just guessed… well. Nevermind.”

“What do I do?!” you sound so desperate it’s almost funny. “I can’t be here! You know I—”

“Y/n, stop freaking out. It’s just Quinn,” you can almost hear her eyes rolling to the back of her head. “Go decorate and do all that stuff you like to do during Christmas. I’ll pick up the food goodies when I leave work, so please just… be normal.”

“What do you mean be normal I can’t—”

“I gotta go. I love you. Bye.”

She hangs up the call and leaves you staring at your phone screen, contemplating how you would scape when it was so cold outside and Quinn’s already seen you so—

“Y/n? Are you playing hide and seek?”

You immediately get out of your sister’s clothes and smile awkwardly, almost opening the front door and standing in the middle of the road, waiting for someone to run you over.

“No, I—” you stutter, looking everywhere but him. “I was just… talking to my sister…”

“I see,” he says. “Is she okay? It’s snowing outside, and you’re still shivering.”

How the hell did he notice that?, you ask yourself, before nodding.

“She is, yeah. She’s working.”

You step further inside the house, walking past Quinn like he’s some type of virus. Besides the huge tree sitting in the corner by the TV, your sister’s house is poorly decorated, just like you predicted, so at least you’ll have something to busy yourself with until she arrives.

“She told me she’d work until late and she said I could come and help you out with your decorations until she and Luke arrive.” He explains, and you turn around, raising your eyebrow at him, confused.

“Luke’s coming?” You ask.

“He is, yes.”

“I thought… I thought you guys would spend Christmas with your parents.” You say, because that’s what you heard your sister saying.

“Well, they’re coming too,” he chuckles, putting his hand inside his front pockets. “I’m guessing she didn’t tell you anything?”

“No, I thought—” you start, but then you bite your lips, giving up mid-sentence. You didn’t want to sound rude by saying I thought it’d be the two of us only so you just stay quiet. “Nevermind. It’s nice that you all get to spend Christmas together.”

Quinn stares at you for a few seconds before nodding. “I’m sorry if you’re upset.”

You frown, shaking your head.

“I’m not, I promise. I just wasn’t expecting all of you,” you reply, embarrassed. “I brought my Grinch sweater…”

He laughs, and you have to stop yourself from smiling too.

“It’s okay. I’ll wear my Cindy Lou one.”

You want to yell at him and tell him to stop being nice, but you already know that’s just how he is. That’s one of the reasons you like him so much.

You look outside your sister’s big window and frown, noticing that the snow is only falling faster, and the street is white everywhere now. Even your car is barely visible.

“It’s getting ugly,” you say, pressing your lips into a line. “I hope it stops soon.”

“I don’t know about that…” he comments, sitting on the couch next to your bags. “I did see a blizzard warning in my weather app today.”

“What?” you almost shout. “Are you sure it was for today?”

“Yeah,” he nods. “That’s why I came earlier. I thought it was dangerous for you to stay here alone.”

You want to ask him what one thing has to do with the other but you’re too busy blushing over his sentence to do anything else.

“I’d be just fine, but thank you,” you mumble. Sighing, you look down at your clothes. “I’m going to change and then start decorating.” You announce, not even sure why.

“You should probably put on something warmer,” he looks down at your clothes before running his fingers through his hair. “It’d be a shame if you caught a cold.”

You don’t say anything, just nod and make your way to your sister’s bedroom, happy that you’re both the same size. Once you find a comfort, two piece set wool outfit, you grab it and change, immediately welcoming the warmth it brings.

You also spend more time in your sister’s bedroom than you should, sitting on her bed and contemplating what you should do.

It’s not like Quinn’s a bad person or someone difficult to be around, but you get shy really easily and he happens to master the art of making you embarrassed, even if it’s not in a bad way.

He’s probably not even aware of it, too, because he’s just a really kind person and that’s just how he treats everyone he likes.

He doesn’t like us, your brain reminds you, he’s just polite.

Whatever.

You get back to the living room and find him still sitting on the couch, watching some random, Christmas movie. You reach for your bags, trying to open them as silently as you could, not wanting to disturb him.

You remove the plastic boxes full of ornaments and distribute them around you, separating them by color and size. It’s therapeutic to you, and it helps to calm your brain down.

Soon, the fact that Quinn’s in the same room as you, alone, doesn’t even cross your mind. You’re having fun decorating your sister’s empty tree, making it beautifully decorated and ready for the night.

After what’s probably thirty minutes, you reach for the last item inside your boxes, which is a bright, yellow star, heavily bedazzled. It’s been yours since you and your sister moved out of your parents’ house and you love it more than all of your other Christmas decorations combined.

The only issue is that it should sit on top of the tree, and usually it wouldn’t be a problem, because your sister had been letting you decorate her tiny tree for the past years, and you’ve been able to reach it just fine. But this year she decided that she wanted to challenge you and she bought a tall one, so now you can’t really reach the top, and you only realize it after jumping for a few minutes and not even touching the top once.

“Do you need any help?”

Quinn’s calm voice startles you, and you hold back a scream. You had forgotten that he was sitting just behind you, and probably had been watching you embarrassing yourself for the past three minutes.

You’re feeling your cheeks warm when you answer: “No, I… well. Maybe?”

He chuckles, getting up. “Does your sister have a ladder?”

“No, she doesn’t,” you roll your eyes. “She says someone as tall as her should do just fine without one.”

“I don’t understand,” he laughs. “She’s just a few inches taller than you. There’s barely a difference.”

“That’s what I’ve been telling her.” You say, annoyed. “I can just grab a chair—”

“No, let me help you.” He walks towards you, and when you’re just about to tell him he’s not going to reach the top by himself either he does something that sends you to another world.

He picks you up effortlessly, putting you down on his left shoulder, and hands you the star like he wasn’t holding another human on one of his shoulders.

You put the star on the top of the tree, moving automatically because your brain hasn't been working properly ever since you stepped into your sister’s house.

“Are you done?” he asks, and he doesn’t even sound tired. “Do you need me to hand you anything else or—”

“No, you can… put me down, please.” You mumble, blushing as he grabs your waist and slowly pulls you down until your feet are touching the floor.

He’s standing behind you, chest glued to your back, and you hold back a yelp, stepping away like his touch is deadly.

“Uh, thanks?” It sounds like a question, but you don’t repeat it again. You turn around, watching as he smiles and nods.

“It looks great, Y/n.”

You also smile, because you always do it whenever people compliment your decorations skills. “Thanks. Again.”

“Well,” he shrugs, looking around. “What do you want to do now?”

You mimic his move, looking around your sister’s living room.

“I mean, I don’t know,” you hum. “Maybe set the table? I know it’s early but—”

“Yeah. We can definitely do that.” He starts walking towards the kitchen and you freak out.

“What!” you yell, and he stops, turning back around and looking at you with confused, pretty eyes. “I mean— what do you mean we?”

“Oh,” he shrugs. “I thought I could help.”

“Are you… like… serious?” You frown.

He frowns back. “I was, yes… are you one of those people who don’t like when people try to help because you’re afraid they’ll end up messing up with your arrangements?”

“Well, yes and no,” you laugh, only to shake your head after. “But it’s not that. I’m sorry, I just… I’ve never seen a man get up to help before. Especially during Christmas.”

He seems to take a while to process what you had just said, but then he laughs, beautifully you’d say.

“They weren’t raised by Ellen Hughes, Y/n. I was.”

You smile, realizing you were utterly fucked. And not in a good way.

You and Quinn worked in silence, and even though you almost dropped the plates twice with how nervous you were, this moment will probably keep repeating itself forever inside your head, from the moment you wake up to the moment you'll go to sleep.

He’s calm and he listens to each one of your orders without hesitation, just nodding and doing as you say. He carries the heavy stuff and just lets you busy yourself with making everything pretty, which you do.

You’re about to tell him that you’re done when the TV catches your attention.

“Good evening, and Merry Christmas Eve, everyone. This is Nicholas Edwards reporting live with an urgent weather alert. It’s shaping up to be a Christmas Eve like no other—because we are in the midst of a blizzard that shows no signs of letting up anytime soon.”

“Oh my God,” you hear someone saying, and realize that it was you. You move until you’re standing in front of the TV, covering your mouth with your right hand.

“Right now, snow is coming down at an incredible rate, with visibility dropping rapidly. Winds are gusting up to 40 miles per hour, creating near whiteout conditions in many areas. And the latest forecast? The snow isn’t expected to stop until early tomorrow morning—Christmas Day! That means we’re looking at significant snowfall totals, possibly more than 18 inches in some spots.”

“Oh my God,” you repeat, looking at Quinn before looking back at the TV again.

“Officials are urging everyone to stay indoors tonight. If you don’t absolutely need to be out, don’t risk it. Roads are treacherous, power outages are a real possibility, and emergency crews are working hard to keep up.”

“What about my sister and your family?” you ask, almost rhetorically, because you know Quinn knows just as much as you. “They can’t come now because it’s dangerous.”

“I’ll try to call my parents,” he says, reaching for his phone already. “Can you call your sister, please?”

“Already doing it.” You say, dialing your sister’s number.

“So… you saw the news.” Is the first thing she says after picking up and you roll your eyes.

“Yeah, Quinn and I did,” you say. “What are we going to do? It’s not safe for you to drive around and you’re definitely not driving thirty minutes back to your house in this weather.”

“I guess you’re right,” she sighs. “Luke and I are together, though. He saw the news before I did and drove me to his and Jack’s apartment since it’s closer to my workplace…”

“So, you’ll stay at their place?” You frown.

“What else can I do, right?” she chuckles, but you can tell she’s just as upset as you. “At least you’re stuck with the sibling that knows how to cook.”

“Hey!” You hear one of Quinn’s brothers, probably Jack, yelling in the back.

“You’re probably right,” you mumble. “Well. We’ll see each other tomorrow then?”

“‘Course we will, bubba,” she sounds joyful again. “Merry Christmas, Y/n. I love you. Tell Quinn I said Merry Christmas to him too!”

“I will,” you nod, even though you know she can’t see you. “I love you too. Bye.”

“Bye.”

You stare at your phone screen until it turns black, and sigh. Quinn finishes his phone call and stares at you, blue, fond eyes looking at you with care.

“I guess you heard the same thing as me.” He says and you nod.

“They’re not coming.”

“And neither are my parents,” he sighs. “They’re stuck in their hotel. They’re not letting people leave.”

“God, this sucks,” you grunt, crossing your arms in front of your chest. “We don’t even have food. My sister was supposed to pick it up after she finished her shift but…”

“I’m sure I can figure something out,” Quinn says and you can tell he’s trying to sound positive. “Come on, stop pouting.”

You frown. “I wasn’t pouting.”

“Yes, you were,” he smiles. “You do that whenever something doesn’t go your way.”

“I— how do you even know that?” You ask, genuinely amused. He just shrugs and walks back to the kitchen, leaving you and your one hundred thoughts about him alone. “Quinn!”

Dinner goes well. It’s silent and calm, but not in an embarrassing, awkward way. Quinn knows how to cook really well, and his food makes you hold yourself back so you won’t kiss him.

His lips probably taste amazing, just like the rest of him. Sometimes, when your thoughts about how Quinn could make you feel good are too much, you slip your hands under your covers and touch yourself, while imagining your hands are his.

You always feel so deeply embarrassed afterwards, and it takes you a while to convince yourself that you’re not a maniac and getting horny after thinking of your sister’s boyfriend's incredibly hot brother is lowkey expected, because he looks like a God.

You both returned to your bedrooms after the clock hit midnight and you both called your families, with you sleeping in your sister’s room and Quinn sleeping in the spare bedroom.

Although, you haven’t even thought about closing your eyes and going to sleep, because you know you won’t be able to— not when Quinn has been nothing but kind to you the entire night and definitely not when he’s only two doors away from you.

You can feel your body starting to get hot, and you want to shout at it, telling yourself to let it go, because you and Quinn won’t ever be a thing.

You look at the clock sitting on your sister’s bedside table and sigh, reading the late hours. Two thirty-six a.m. and you’re nowhere near Dreamland.

Even though you’re basically at the entrance of Hornyland.

Shaking your head, you get up, deciding to brew some chamomile tea for you, since it always helps you feel sleepier and, hopefully, less horny.

The lukewarm air hits your bare thighs and you’re reminded that you’re not wearing any pants— just one of your sister’s oversized sweaters and panties.

You look around the dark house, watching as snow continues to fall outside, and make your way to the kitchen, walking past Quinn’s closed door and trying not to make any sound.

And you would’ve been successful with your task, if it weren’t for the one plastic cup that fell out of the cupboard when you tried to grab your sister’s kettle.

It fell on the floor and bounced three times before you managed to grab it again. You waited to see if you would hear Quinn’s door open, but since you didn’t, you moved on with your task. While you waited for your water to boil, you leaned against your sister’s island, resting your chin in your hand.

“I thought you were asleep.”

This time, you don’t hold back the yelp that comes out of your mouth. You were so worried about waking Quinn up that you hadn’t considered the fact that he, just like you, might as well not have been able to sleep.

He’s sitting on your sister’s couch, wearing sweatpants and nothing else, looking at you with an indecipherable expression. His entire body is illuminated by the moonlight, and he looks gorgeous.

“Quinn. You scared me,” you put your hand over your heart, feeling your cheeks warm when you realize the movement made your sweater go up, and now Quinn probably saw your underwear. “Uh—”

“I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry,” he gets up, and he does look apologetic. He gets closer to where you were standing and you can help but take a take back. “Can’t sleep?”

You shake your head. “No. You?”

“I can’t either,” he says. “Too many thoughts.”

You desperately want to ask him what kind of thoughts are keeping him away from his bed, but you remember that it isn’t your place. And the best thing you can do for yourself right now is stay away from him.

“I— I’ll leave you to it then—”

“Why are you always running away from me?”

His serious tone makes you stop. You look up and stare at his eyes, looking like a child who had just been caught eating sweets before dinner.

Your answer is only natural: “I’m not?”

“Yes, you are,” he steps closer, and the distance between the two of you is now shorter. “Did I do something?”

“What?” you gasp. “No, of course not!”

“Then, you just don’t like me?”

“Gosh, why is it with the Hughes that you’re always so straightforward?” you mumble, frustrated. “I promise you, nothing’s wrong.”

“Is it because you want me to fuck you?” He raises his brow and you almost drop dead in front of him.

“What.”

It’s almost comical how your eyes double in size and how your mouth opens, just like in the cartoons. You’re trying really hard not to pack your things and leave, because you’re sure something possessed Quinn.

“I’m not dumb, y’know,” he starts. “I can tell when someone’s interested in me, and you aren’t exactly subtle.”

“Quinn—”

“At first,” he continues, paying you no mind. “I thought you were just shy. Then, I realized you only acted that way with me, but I thought you just didn’t like me. But…”

He lifts his hand up and caresses your cheek, the touch making you shiver instantly.

“Would someone who doesn’t like me stare at me like you do?” He keeps touching your face, the light feather touches barely there, but keeping you restless anyway. “It’s so sweet when you blush like that.”

“Quinn…” you try, once again. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I—”

“Uncomfortable?” he chuckles, like the word alone is enough to make him laugh. “No, sweetheart, you made me hard.”

You blush, thankful that the moonlight isn’t enough to show your red cheeks. “O-Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh,” he smiles, lifting your face just slightly with his thumb on your chin. “Can I kiss you, Y/n?”

I thought you’d never ask, you think. “Yes,” is what you say.

His lips taste like peppermint and his touch on your skin feels like fire. He presses your body against the counter, the cold marble hitting the back of your naked thighs and making you shiver.

It was a pleasant contrast, though: the warmth of his hands holding you close with the coldness of the stone making you shiver.

He kissed you fervently and you moaned inside his mouth, forgetting your shyness and running your fingers through his silky, soft hair. It was like opening presents on Christmas morning, because ever since you were a teenager you’ve been wanting to get your hands on him and now—

“You were right,” you say, breathless. Quinn tilts his head to the side, confused. “I want you to f-fuck me.”

He smirks, mischievously, and it’s probably one of the hottest things you have ever seen.

“Here?” he asks, chuckling.

“No,” you laugh. “My sister would kill me.”

“Mhm.” It’s all he says before picking you up once again, manhandling you however he wanted for the second time in less than twenty-four hours.

His bed is untouched when he lays you on it, a clear signal that he hadn’t even laid on it yet. Your sweater rode up, leaving your belly and your panties exposed.

Even though you’re not the type of girl to get embarrassed while having sex, you can feel your cheeks getting warm under Quinn’s lustful gaze. You have imagined this situation so many times before but you never actually thought your dreams would come true, so all of this is still hard for you to take in.

“I can actually hear your brain thinking, Y/n,” Quinn chuckles, standing in front of you. The outline of his dick is so noticeable it has your mouth dry.

“It’s not everyday your crush of years take you to bed,” you let out, only realising what you had just said when you watch his eyebrow going up, and a malicious smile decorate his beautiful face. “I mean—”

“Trust me, Y/n, if I hadn’t spent the last year thinking you hated me, you would’ve ended up in my bed from the moment I laid my eyes on you.”

He leans forward, then starts to pull your panties down. It’s embarrassing to say the least because you know that the fabric which was once pearly, cotton white, is now transparent and ruined. Quinn doesn’t seem to mind that— in fact, the smirk on his face just continues to grow.

“You have such a pretty pussy, baby,” he says, and you almost choke on your own spit. “Been thinking about you for so long I’m half convinced this is just another dream.”

He drops your underwear somewhere, and places his index finger between your wet folds, the cold touch contrasting with your hotness. He rubs, up and down, slowly and steady. It has you biting your lips, hard.

“Was it like that with you too, Y/n?” he asks, tone one octave deeper. “Endless dreams of how I would fuck you senseless, leave you wet and whimpering in my sheets, pussy dripping with my cum.”

He kept getting closer to your clit each time he opened his mouth to talk, but he still wasn’t touching it, which was starting to frustrate you.

“Quinn—”

“I’d always wake up hard, with my dick throbbing inside my pants, and you know what I’d do?”

He places his finger on your engorged clit, but doesn’t do anything, just— waits.

“Ask me what I would do, Y/n.” He orders, and you moan before complying.

“What, ah, what would you do?” you ask, and he starts moving his finger again. “Ah.”

“I’d fuck my hand. Wrap my dick around them, holding it tightly, imagining it was your cunt squeezing me like that,” he confesses, opening your legs more, leaving you spread in front of him like you’re nothing but a cheap whore. “And I’d come so hard, imagining I was filling you up. In the next morning, I’d shake hands with you, watching you give me that sweet smile of yours, not even knowing that I had just used it to touch myself while imagining it was you.”

He pressed two fingers on your hole, making you clench around nothing while he seemed to be having fun with your struggle.

“Was it like that with you, too?” he asks again, but you can tell by his reaction that he wasn’t expecting you to answer. Yet, you do it anyway.

“N-not dreams,” you breathe, as he inserts two of his fingers inside you, blue eyes never leaving yours. “When I couldn’t sleep, I’d, ah, touch myself, and pretend it was you.”

“Yeah?” he hums, sinking his fingers deeper inside you, the wet sound of sex leaving you dizzy. “Such a naughty, little slut.”

You moan, and Quinn stops holding back as he starts finger fucking you, finding your sweet spot and curling his fingers up until he had you trashing under him. You took pride in knowing your body and mastering the art of touching yourself, but not even in your wildest dreams you’d imagine that having something inside you could feel this good.

You’re not even holding back your sounds, you just let Quinn hear how insane he drives you, and good you’re feeling. You have your eyes closed— because holding eye contact with Quinn might be too much for you to handle— and your boobs exposed, since your sweater rode all the way up.

You can feel your orgasm starting to build up and just when you’re about to warn Quinn about it, he pulls his fingers back, making you cry, loudly.

“Wha— why?” you sound needy and desperate but you pay it no mind.

Quinn smiles, so sweet and kind that you wouldn’t even imagine what came out of his mouth afterwards.

“You’ll come on my cock tonight, sweetheart. I’ll make sure of it.”

The rest of what happens is basically history.

He removes his sweatpants and his dick hits his stomach, the tip almost purple with how red it was. The precum leaking from it made you lick your lips, imagining how good it would feel to have that in your mouth.

He throws the pants somewhere, and lays on top of you, right in the middle of your spread thighs. He looks down and holds his dick, rubbing it up and down on your folds, mixing your wetness with his, and just the view is almost enough to make you come.

He rubs the tip on your clit, and you watch as your swollen, needy button throbs under the nasty touch, and how your pussy leaves his dick glistening with how wet you were.

“I’ll fuck you now, okay?” His voice is calm, and soft, different from previously. You nod, smiling shyly. “Words, baby.”

“‘Mkay,” you answer, closing your eyes as he inserts himself inside you, slowly.

You can feel your walls opening up for him, and even though you’ve had sex before, nothing will ever top this. He’s thick, and you can feel him everywhere, deeper and deeper.

“Holy shit, Quinn,” you say, turning your hands into fists.

“You’re so fucking tight, baby,” he hisses, putting his hands on each side of your face. “Squeezing me so good, fuck, Y/n, I might come in seconds if you keep squeezing me like that.”

He removes his dick from you, leaving just the tip, only to slam it back in you, fucking you senseless, just like he told you. The smell of sex and sweat filled the room almost as quick as the tears fell from your eyes, the feeling of finally getting what— or who— you wanted making you cry tears of joy.

He kept fucking you, and once his lips found yours once again, you knew you were done. You came on his dick, like he said you’d do, moaning inside his mouth and pulling his hair, harshly.

“Fuck, Quinn, uh,” you inhaled his scent as his naked body engulfed yours completely. “Fuck, fuck.”

“It’s like you were made to, uh, take my cock,” he grunts, his thrusts getting sloppier, a clear sign that he was about to come. “Say it, baby, tell me what you were made for.”

“Quinn—”

“Say it, sweetheart,” he whispers.

“I was made to take y-your cock,” you sob. “O-only yours.”

“Only mine?” you can hear the amusement in his voice.

“Only yours.”

“Good,” thrust, “Girl.” Thrust.

He takes his dick out of you just a few seconds before he comes, and the loss of it makes you whimper and hide your face in his neck. The warm feeling of his come against your used, swollen cunt is enough to get another orgasm out of you, even if a little bit weaker this time.

You both stay silent, only the sounds of your breaths filling up the room. The weight of his body on top of you is comforting, and even though you know he’s not putting all of his weight on top of you, you feel safe either way.

“Thank you,” you mumble, barely audible, since your face is still in his neck.

He chuckles, breathless. “What are you saying thank you for, baby? I should be the one saying thank you.”

“You just made all of my wet dreams come true,” you explain. “Even if we’re probably going to hell because no one should be having sex on Christmas.”

Quinn laughs and rolls to the side, resting his head on the pillow. “Touché, sweetheart, touché,” he turns his head to the side and looks at you. “Merry Christmas, Y/n.”

You smile. “Merry Christmas, Quinny.”

© property of lovecla, nhl masterlist.

[gyubakeries]

HIIII it’s renee! anyway what about cough. domestic fluff with mingyu. just a typical day at home, doing chores and cooking and watching something together 😞😞😞 i love sweet gyu

𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁 | k.mg

a/n: IT TOOK ME WAY TOO LONG TO GET TO THIS but thank u for requesting this renee 💗 this has made me want mingyu EVEN MORE 🫡 hope u like this one! sorry for the wait </3

word count: 1.5k contents: mingyu x afab!reader , established relationship , non idol!au , sickeningly sweet , domestic fluff , just a couple of down bad lovers , binge watching stranger things , THERES A SPOILER , cuddling , FLUFFFFF

when you wake up, you're alone. you know this for sure, because your boyfriend's heavy arm isn't laid across your stomach, and the heat radiating from his bare skin isn't there to warm you either.

you sit up in bed, rubbing your eyes as they slowly open and take in the sight of the empty bedroom. and then, you smell coffee. you quickly get out of bed and set off to find your boyfriend.

you make your way out of the bedroom and head to the kitchen, eyes still half-shut with sleep. in the kitchen, you find mingyu pouring fresh, warm coffee into your favorite mug, humming a random tune to himself.

you quietly slip behind him, snaking your arms around warm, sun-kissed skin and nuzzling your cold nose into his back.

"hi lovie, good morning," mingyu's raspy voice greets you, and you press a loud smooch to his back as a reply.

"morning," you croak out, still groggy with sleep. "you made me coffee?" you ask, tiptoeing to peek over mingyu's shoulder.

"yep, gonna get started on breakfast now," mingyu hums, turning around to face you. he doesn't hold back a laugh when he sees your hair sitting atop your head in a mess.

"baby, i told you not to sleep with your hair open," he tsks, like your mother, and starts brushing his fingers through your hair to detangle the knots.

"but it's too much work to put it in a braid," you sigh, closing your eyes and letting mingyu manage your hair. the way his hands gently run through your hair and scratch against your scalp is enough to make you feel drowsy.

soon, the relaxing movements are stopped, and mingyu turns you around to take a picture of your hair from the back to show you.

"mingyu, you're literally barbie," you gasp. somehow he's managed to tame your hair into a beautiful braid that looks better than any you've made your entire life. "you're good at everything."

"you know what i'm the best at doing, though?" mingyu smirks. "you."

"ugh, that wasn't even funny," you groan. "i guess being the least funny person on this planet is your one flaw."

"whatever, you still laugh at my jokes," mingyu sticks his tongue out at you.

"only because i don't want your feelings to get hurt," you tease, and mingyu gasps dramatically.

"you know what? no strawberries for your waffles anymore," mingyu declares, and you immediately put your hands together, begging for his forgiveness.

"we're having waffles for breakfast? gyu, don't take away my strawberries. pleaaaaase?" you plead, and mingyu does a bad job of ignoring you, the barely concealed smile tugging at his lips.

"fine, i'll forgive you. but you need to watch these waffles and make sure they don't burn," mingyu instructs, and you nod resolutely.

mingyu busies himself with washing up the dishes he used, and you busy yourself with..... staring at mingyu.

your boyfriend looks hot, you won't ever deny it. it's impossible for that statement to be untrue, especially with the way the morning sun makes his golden skin glow, the way his messy, soft hair falls over his eyes perfectly, the way his muscles shift as he dries the last bowl-

"y/n!" he yelps, alarmed, and you faintly register the smell of something burning when you turn around and see that the waffles had burnt to a crisp.

"shit shit shit," you mutter, rushing to switch the machine off and carefully opening up the waffle maker to see that the waffles inside definitely looked like they'd seen better days.

"this is, like, the hundredth time you've burnt waffles," mingyu sighs, letting the machine cool before he can scrape the burnt mess out of it. "how do you never learn?"

"it's not my fault!" you pout. "it's your fault for being so distracting. i only forgot about the waffles because i was staring at you."

mingyu's cheeks turn into a bright shade of pink at your blunt comment, and you find it endearing.

unable to stay mad at you, mingyu just feigns annoyance and fetches another pan. "we're having pancakes for breakfast, then."

"with strawberries?" you ask, a hopeful smile plastered on your face.

"with strawberries," mingyu gives in, and nothing makes him happier than the feeling of you hugging him tightly and pressing a sweet kiss to his lips.

breakfast is a simple ordeal; you sip on your black coffee and finish up all the strawberries on the plate, while mingyu drinks his coffee with loads of milk and sugar, eating up the last pancake before you can.

"gyu, i wanna binge-watch something today," you tell him as you wash your plates. "any ideas?"

"what about stranger things?" he offers, and your eyes light up with excitement.

"oh my god, yes!" you nod. the show was one of your favorites, starting from the plot, to the suspense, and your not-so-subtle crush on steve harrington. "this is why i love you. you're the best."

"so you only love me when i give you good ideas?" mingyu raises an eyebrow, and you nod jokingly. when he starts pouting like a kicked puppy, you apologize and kiss him as compensation.

mingyu can't really complain after that.

—

after you both showered, you find yourself sprawled across mingyu's lap as he loads up netflix on the TV. he's already prepared snacks and ordered pizza for lunch while you took your own sweet time in the shower earlier.

"i don't think i'm ready to see bob die again," you whisper out loud, as the first episode starts playing.

mingyu looks at you at that, taking your hand in his. "i'll hug you through it, don't worry."

"thank you, gyu," you smile. he puckers his lips in an exaggerated pout and you chuckle affectionately before leaning in to kiss him with a loud smooch.

"there, now we can start binge-watching," he nods, satisfied, and you nuzzle into his shoulder.

true to his word, mingyu holds your hand throughout the first three seasons of the show, saving the fourth one for another day. you only take breaks to go to the bathroom or order food, and you skip past some of the less exciting scenes to speed up the process.

both mingyu and you cry when bob is killed, hugging each other tightly as consolation. you're both at the edge of your seats by the time the last scene plays, and then the screen goes black.

while the credits are rolling, you and mingyu lean back on the couch, processing the entire show.

"it's almost 6 a.m.," comes mingyu's shocked voice, and you turn to see the first rays of sunlight filtering in through the living room windows.

"we've been here for, like, 20 hours?" you gasp. you finally register the burning in your eyes and how much your back aches from sitting on the couch for so long.

"imagine if we decided to watch season 4 too," mingyu laughs, and you rub your eyes to stop the burning sensation.

"we're never binge-watching like this again," you tell him, groaning as you stand up from the couch to stretch your limbs.

"you say that, yet we end up doing this once a year," mingyu points out, and you just shoot him a glare.

"you're no better," you say defensively. "you always agree!"

mingyu smiles and gets up from the couch to stand next to you and pull you into a hug. the tension in your muscles seeps out instantly, and you melt in his arms. "i'd be a bad boyfriend if i said no to something that you like."

he feels your lips quirk up into a smile against his chest, and he just squeezes you tighter.

"what would you do if i said you're being a bad boyfriend by not carrying me into the bedroom so we can sleep till afternoon?" you look up at him with a mischievous grin.

"well, then i'd have to correct that," he shrugs, playing along with your teasing. one moment, your feet are on the ground, and the next, you're being hauled up into the air, mingyu's strong arms cradling you close to his chest.

he carries you into the bedroom, bridal style, and the both of you flop down on the bed together, not leaving an inch of space between your bodies. mingyu somehow manages to cover you both with the comforter, because he knows how cold you get without a blanket.

"we should binge-watch harry potter next," you mumble, wrapping your arms around mingyu's torso to cuddle up with him, letting his warmth envelop you.

"okay baby, we'll do it," mingyu chuckles, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "for now, let's get some rest, yeah?"

"yeah," you whisper. "goodnight, gyu."

"goodnight, love," he replies, and you raise your head to press another kiss to his lips.

mingyu smiles widely at that, his canines showing through his lips. he retaliates by kissing the tip of your nose, and you giggle.

you fall asleep in his arms by the time the sun is halfway up in the sky. he takes a little more time, just so he can watch the soft sunlight light up your face as you sleep peacefully.

his last thought before he closes his eyes is: twenty hours of netflix, or the rest of his life; mingyu would love to spend it all by your side.

- fin.

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[sagegreenconverse73946]

Analysis of Would You Fall In Love With Me Again

No no because you don't understand . . . .

There's like 3 ways I look at Penelope and Odysseus's reunion in Would You Fall in Love with Me Again

One:

Odysseus is pleading with her, begging her to understand that he is not the same man she married. He's done horrendous things, he is void of mercy and compassion. He. Is. Not. Odysseus. And that's why he's asking her if she would fall in love with him after knowing all the things he's done. He thinks she will have to fall in love with a different person. And hearing this instead of Penelope going like, " I don't care about what you've done; you're home now. That's all that matters." She instead asks him "What have you done?" she knows that he just has to get it out there, and once he does, once he thinks he's cemented to her that he's not Odysseus, Penelope's response is that "If that's true, if your not my husband, if your nothing more than a monster and not Odysseus, than do me a favor to bring me some peace and move our wedding bed away from here." And we've established that the wedding bed, the olive tree, is a symbol of their love, so Penelope's really asking, "If that's true and you're not my husband anymore, then destroy our love and cast it away." AND WHEN ODYSSEUS GOES, "How could you say this? Do you realize what you have asked me? The only way to move it is to cut it from ITS ROOTS!" which translates to "How could you say this? Do you realize you have asked me to destroy our marriage? The only way to move it is to KILL OUR LOVE!!"

AND ITS SO IMPACTFUL BECAUSE PENELOPE IS PROVING TO HIM THAT EVEN IF HE HAS CHANGED, HE IS STILL HER HUSBAND BECAUSE HER HUSBAND WOULDN'T DARE TO DESTROY THEIR LOVE AND CUT ITS ROOTS, AND THE MAN IN FRONT OF HER DOESN'T DARE EITHER, IN FACT HE'S ENRAGED THAT SHE'D ASK HIM TO FORSAKE THEIR LOVE, TO DO THE IMPOSSIBLE. BECAUSE IF HE TRULY WASN'T ODYSSEUS ANYMORE HE WOULDN'T HOLD THAT LEVEL OF LOVE FOR PENELOPE ANYMORE. AND THAT'S WHY SHE SAYS

"Only my husband knew that, so I guess that makes him YOU!!"

Penelope dismantled his whole argument. He asked if she would fall in love with him again, the new monstrous man that holds Odysseus's face. Penelope proved she didn't have to fall in love with him again, since he is still the man she knew, because if he wasn't the man she fell in love with, than that monster would have been able to destroy their wedding bed, and cut the roots of their love. But he is, because the man she married can't destroy their love, ODYSSEUS can't destroy their love,

their love is such a vital essence of his being that no matter what, if he still holds love for Penelope he is still Odysseus.

AND PENELOPE STILL SAYS SHE WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM OVER AND OVER AGAIN

Two:

More Odyssey-accurate, I think. (I haven't read it through yet so I might need to eat my words)

Penelope asks, "Is that really you?" and it could be that she thinks its a trick at first, someone's disguised themselves as Odysseus mortal or god so she tests him. She asks him to do something only Odysseus and her knew was impossible, because for one man to cut down an Olive tree embedded into a palace alone is, quite literally, IMPOSSIBLE. If he had agreed and failed, mortal disguised as Odysseus. Succeeded? God.

Flabbergasted that she'd ask that of him? Odysseus.

Three:

EPIC Odysseus is the #1 Wife Guy, so when his wife asked him to do something that he physically COULDN'T, he broke down because GODS, NO, I'M A HORRIBLE HUSBAND BECAUSE I CAN'T FULFILL MY WIFE'S WISHES AND BRING HER SOME PEACE BUT PENELOPE WTF HOW COULD YOU ASK THAT OF ME AND EXPECT ME TO ACHIEVE IT?!?!?!

But yep, how I interpret those lines, honestly, I think its a mixture of all three MAINLY of perspective 1, a little bit of perspective 2, but l think despite Penelope's brain being like "We have to make sure." every essence of her being already knew it was him, and a slight hint of perspective 3 because it's funny.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk!!!

(pls discuss this with me if you want in the comments, guys I'm going insane)

[vhswolf]

Three | Reader X Carlos Sainz X Rebecca Donaldson

really short, I just needed to deal with this idea before I combust, but it was made with love ❤️

Warnings: online bs, haters

Face claim: Anne-Marie

Imrebeccad

Imrebeccad Weekend with mine truly 🩷

View all comments

Carlossainz55 Guapas!! Liked by the author ❤️

Ynishere The 😝 duo is here!

User2 The way she puts her bestie first is iconic

User6 bros before hoes!!!!!!

User9 can we talk about how y/n looks like Rebecca and Carlos emo daughter?

→ ynishere @/carlossainz55 @/imrebeccad they're calling you both old!

→ user9 I'M NOT

→ carlossainz55 @/ynishere you're too young!

→ ynishere I'M 5 YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU THAT'S NOT MUCH

User14 Carlos comment tho 😐

ynishere

Ynishere Pretty women only 🙏🏼

View all comments

Imrebeccad I love you, pretty! ❤️

→ ynishere love you too, bella! 🩷

Carlossainz55 Hermosas de mi corazón Liked by the author & imrebeccad

User8 if I was Rebecca I would be screaming and crying with Carlos comments on yn's posts, like what does he mean BEAUTIFUL OF MY HEART? No please kill me already

User3 literally a family

User22 the only place yn is not giving emo is the beach

→ ynishere Forgive me father for I have sin 🙏🏼🙏🏼

Landonorris Carlos in the back thinking about how he managed to the girl

→ ynishere I also got the girl!

→ landonorris and the boy

Carlossainz55

Carlossainz55 Great company ❤️

View all comments

User44 nuh uh! This is weird as shit! If Carlos is not cheating, he definitely wants to!

imrebeccad My favourite company, my two favourite persons in the entire world!

User66 everyone is dressed so nice and yn is in a hoodie... How did Carlos choose to cheat on Rebecca WITH HER?

Ynishere Maybe I do look like the weird daughter...

→ imrebeccad don't fuel the daughter allegations!

→ carlossainz55 I'm not old enough to be your father, please, stop

→ ynishere you two are boring...

User56 ok Rebecca, love, she WANTS YOUR MAN!

Landonorris Lucky man

User86 100% not emo anymore

Imrebeccad posted a stories

ynishere

Thnks fr th Mmrs - Fall Out Boys

Ynishere Carlos real reaction to the first pic, like 100% real! No clickbait ❌

(got tired of high heels never again)

View all comments

User76 I don't know who's more of a whore around here

User49 Since when this became a whore house?!

Imrebeccad Nice job with the censoring!

→ ynishere thank you!

User98 So Rebecca is the whore, but Carlos what in...

User44 the girl befriended Rebecca just to try to end her relationship SUCH A BITCH

carlossainz55 caught in 4K as you might say

→ ynishere glad you know

This comments are now limited

Carlossainz55 and imrebeccad

Carlossainz55 I wasn't supposed to post this, so I'll deal with the consequences of this later, but I have something to tell you guys. I've been seen so many shitty comments on yn's posts, calling her all sort of names that doesn't describe her in the least! She is the most caring, loving, funny, energetic, talkative person I ever met. Everything Rebecca and I can say are good things, and see people that don't know her at all talking shit gives me a headache. Yn say she doesn't care because it is not true, but I now she cares. I came here to straight things up, I'm not cheating on anyone, Rebecca neither, we're just three people that love eachother, and will keep loving eachother till death, you liking it or not. Please me respectful with the two girls that I love, they don't deserve all this bullshit.

View all comments

Ynishere I'm too punk rock, I can't cry!

→ imrebeccad she is in fact crying

Ynishere I love you two so much!!!

User4 oh

User66 didn't expected this one

Landonorris Is the Spanish accent isn't it?

→ ynishere yes

→ imrebeccad it helps

Charlesleclerc FINALLY JESUS CHRIST

Scuderiaferarri PR will contact you soon they're currently crying and shipping the new throuple (can't blame them) and @/Williamsracing good luck next year

→ Williamsracing We're READY! Blue will suit you well @/ynishere

→ ynishere @/Williamsracing I love you already 💙

Imrebeccad my two true loves ❤️

Danielricciardo ok, why all the juicy stuff happens after I got out?

[sparks-and-smoke]

Hello! Could I get a fic about Bucky accidentally finding the reader’s Christmas gifts to him? Maybe he tries (and fails) to act surprised?

Thank you (ps I know it’s after Christmas, sue me)

Aww~ I don't care that it's too late for the holidays. It's cute! Merry Christmas (belated)

Characters/Pairings: Bucky x reader (code name honey)

Content/Warnings: none it’s just goofy holiday fluff

Author Note: merry late Christmas, this may or may not be loosely based in the Fate Stone AU I have brewing. (which since you are my beta reader ;) you already know about it.)

You are a notoriously bad gift giver, Bucky had been warned many times. He didn’t really care. As long as it came from the heart it couldn’t possibly be that bad. He could put up with socks or a cheesy mug as long as it came from you. But this was worse, so much worse. 

“Sam, I don't even know what to do with it.” Bucky rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands, confiding in the only other person he knew that wouldn’t immediately tell Honey. “Can I be honest here, it’s hideous.”

Sam was keeping a pretty good poker face over his mug poker but the situation was undeniably funny. “It can’t possibly be that bad.” But Bucky’s mortified face said it all. “Why were you spying on her gift away?”

“I didn’t mean too! Necessarily. She hid it in the bottom of the closet, man. She didn’t even hide it well... I’m a spy, I notice things. Plus it was pretty hard to miss.” The blanket had been tucked away in the back of the walk-in closet under a few other things. But the obnoxious colors of the corner peeking out from under the folded jeans had caught his eyes. They didn’t own anything in orange. Anything.  

His honey had gotten him a blanket, which would normally have been so very sweet seeing how Bucky hated being cold, but it wasn’t just a blanket. It was one of those viral blankets, the ones that are loosely based on 70’s rock band merch with lighting and thunder clouds rolling in the background. It’s featured pictures of Alpine, every goofy spastic picture of the cat that his girl could find with her name in the boldest font Bucky had ever seen. Honestly it hurt his eyes, and as Bucky went about describing it to Sam the other man damn near fell out of his chair. 

“That is perfect. No really I think she might be a genius. I’m gonna need a video of you opening that one.” Sam goaded.

“You're not helping.” Bucky growls, guilt twisting in his guts like a worm, but Sam was too busy laughing to try and give a shit. “How am I gonna act surprised now? Let alone be excited?”

“I don’t dude, I guess you need to start taking an acting class.” Sam wiped the tears from his eyes.

~~~~

Bucky watched with crinkled eyes as you opened your gifts from him. A nice wool winter coat because all you owned was a puffer, and while it was adorable on you and always kept you warm you always said you wanted something dressier for date night. And in your stocking an assortment of your favorite treats, skin care you were low on, and that perfume that you had been drooling over since October but always talked yourself out of because of the price tag. Bucky had been making a list since your birthday, keeping tabs on what you lingered on in stores and what you sighed at as you scrolled. He knew his girl and he knew her well. And the way you lit up with every item told him he hit it out of the park. 

“Do you like it Honey?” he asked, his chin propped on his hand. His face couldn’t have been softer or voice more full of love as he watched you glow with joy. 

“I love it. How did you even know what eye cream I use?” 

“It wasn't that hard doll.” Bucky laughed, it sits in a clear box on your vanity of course he knows. 

“Here! Open yours.” You hand him his stocking and the present wrapped in pretty silver paper, looking so excited you may vibrate across the floor. He plastered on his best game face as his stomach did a little flip. Do not ruin this for her Barnes. 

He starts with the stocking. Pulling out body wash and a cologne scented with that smoky bourbon and apple scent you were fond of, along with a small batch roasted coffee and some new gloves. So far so good, and he made sure to kiss you. “I love it honey.”

“Yeah, but you haven’t opened your big one.” you say with a twinkle in your eyes that makes him wanna melt into the floor. Should he tell her, confess he saw it? Risk it and pretend he loves it? 

“You’re right I haven’t.” he corrects himself with a smile picking up the package. It was instantly heavier than he remembered and as he tears open the package he has a brief (very guilty) moment of hoping that maybe he was wrong…

But no there it is. That hideous blanket that he knows instantly from the look on your face he is gonna end up snuggling under for the rest of time just to see you smile the way you are right in this moment. He opened his mouth to tell you thanks as genuinely as he could muster but honey was already biting her bottom lip. A fit of giggles falling out of her. “You already saw it didn’t you!” she managed to get out between chitters. 

“What?! No- I…” 

A pillow from the couch flew at his head. “I knew you would. You little sneak, you do this every year!” Honey chastised as Bucky dodged another swing with the pillow. 

“Hey! Whoa!” Bucky's arms go up in a weak attempt at blocking her little onslaught. “I didn’t mean too!”

“Bullshit James Buchanan!” thump, a hit to his ribs. “You did it on your birthday.” Whack, a bump to the top of his head. “You somehow sniffed out the tickets I bought to Coney Island.” one more swing but this time Bucky caught the pillow, pulling you into his lap with it. 

“I did not do it on purpose!” he defended, but he was beaming. Eyes crinkling in the corner as she glared playfully. “I didn’t!” 

“Yeah, you just somehow stumbled upon the blanket I hid under the laundry in the back of our closet.”

“I was looking for my coat!” 

“On the ground?”

Bucky was caught, because yes he had been looking. He always did. The man couldn’t help it, he always was just too curious. “Yea, I thought so you little rat! Do you like it?” she asks earnestly. And Bucky feels that gnawing feeling again, trying not to let it show on his face. 

“It’s… super fluffy.” he tries to deflect, hating to lie to honey, but her face is already breaking into a grin. What the hell?

“You hate it.” she beams. “It’s hideous huh?”

Bucky frowns, slouching back in his chair. Did she want him to hate it. “Uh, yeah it is..” 

“Good thing it’s not your actual present huh.” 

Bucky's eyes narrow. “You little-” She did this on purpose, hid the most outrageous thing she could find just to punish him for spoiling presents. Clever girl. Weeks of fretting over how he was gonna pull this off and SHE KNEW THE WHOLE TIME. With a giggle honey climbs off his lap and back behind the couch, pulling out a slim package from the cavern behind, and Bucky’s face nearly splits in half. 

“Here. Merry Christmas.” She offers him the parcel with a kiss, sitting in his lap as he unwraps it, and he feels his heart flutter a little. It’s a scrapbook. Full of pictures of him, her, Alpine and their friends. Taken by everyone who has known them the last few years. There isn’t a lot, he doesn’t like taking pictures, preferring to take them. So she must have scoured their friends' phones to find all of these and Bucky can feel tear picking the backs of his eyes. Good tears. 

“Thank you Honey. I love it. I love you…”

[cryptid-killjoy]

"Huh? Is that right?" Dale pondered on the eyeball info GoGo dumped. "He may know. I don't know. I never did study as much as of the magic as them." Then he squinted his eyes. "Then again neither did Jetsam. I bet I'm better at it than him though."

Scout looked up as she heard Dale call his father by his first name. She couldn't decide if that was weird or not. She was so caught off by it she missed a great cue for a joke where she could have easily bagged a funny one on Dale. She didn't say anything about who was better than who.

The twins did settle down even though they kept giving each some side eye. So, GoGo was right about this family. They weren't flawless. They had their problems, big ones even, and clashes could butt heads, but family was always family, and it would always work itself out even if it was to agree to disagree the caring for each other remained strong.

Dale gave her a couple of choices that came to mind. There were probably a few other ways her evening could end up if she so deemed it. Still, the moment Scout saw she was going to stay back with Dale it was like it only then dawned on her she'd put her in the position to have to fend for herself when this urge to see her parents kicked in. She got up and jogged over to GoGo before Dale could get much word in. "Hey. Thanks for understanding." Then she coerced her in for a Scouty hug too. "I just gotta." Then she hiked a thumb behind her pointing in the direction of her parents. She popped a little peck on GoGo's cheek and smiled. "Happy Halloween."

Then she went back to the car where Koda was already loading in Chip and helping him with his seat belt. Koda wasn't taking any chances on the way back.

He watched her rub the back of her neck. There was something there. Was she embarrassed about something? He couldn't quite read it. Maybe it was nothing.

He'd give GoGo a smile back. "Works for me. First things first. You're driving and we're going to the liquor store. Maybe a pharmacy."

It was dawning on him how much abandoned shit was around for how little people lived here. It was probably still a free for all in this desolation.

"I'm just thankful I didn't break my legs." He admitted as he hobbled over to her car and gave the others a chin-up nod and wave as the others drove away.

He inched himself down into the seat like a person in pain cringing and blew out when finally hit bottom. He leaned his head back and took a second to recompose. He clenched his face and leaned the seat back a few extra inches. He was still in his crop top Ken doll costume on minus the box only now he was blood spattered, grass stained, and dirty. He rubbed at his stomach exposing rapidly changing colors around his rib cage. He knew that wasn't going to be pretty by morning.

"Yeah, self-mediation first. Treasure hunting and tourism after."

GoGo had stayed hugging him for a while, until she was able to calm her mind somewhat. Until the memories and the smell of smoke had escaped her. Yes, her and Scout had been doing their risky streetraces, and going out and doing crazy things like joyrides and pushing what speeds were possible in different vehicles but this was the first time that there had been someone that she knew hurt from these things. It was like Dale flying through the air had nearly stopped her heart, brought her back to that place.

She was too emotionally drained to get all grossed out by Flotsam at this point. He might as well have just been picking his favorite color out of a pack of starbursts with the way that she was reacting. Eyeballs were just the new pink starbusts - the best kind.

“Interesting choice,” Go-Go said. “The only cells that survive from the time you’re born until you die are in the eyes. So he’s collecting whole lives.”

Back to the nerd. She couldn’t help it. It actually was interesting that the eyes were a focus. Don’t even get her started on what she would think of the psychology of Bastien if she knew about those eyes.

She took a half step back onto the grass, excluding herself from the scene of Jetsam leaving, and took the time to take another breath. She felt bad for Scout, Dale and Chip, having a family member that was actually good to them - so it seemed - and that they loved that would disappear in front of them like that. And also a small bit of gratefulness that she wasn’t in their place. Having a shitty family sucked but at least she didn’t have to waste any brain power missing them.

Family had never been cohesive in her mind so … actually, seeing some of the cracks in the Laveaus made her feel a bit more like she could relate to them. Was she a bit concerned too when the twins started to fight? Yeah. But also, knowing them, they’d calm down and make up. But seeing that there were still arguments, fights. It felt more real. Less like the fantasy that them being witches and werewolves and zombies and shapeshifters painted it all to be.

She only stepped towards Scout, because she hated seeing her friend upset. Especially by someone whose ass they couldn’t just kick, or who they couldn’t just X out, like that girl that she had been seeing. A father - that was different. And she understood, God, did she understand, she used to be in the same boat, until she realized that she was wasting time that she could spend on better pursuits rather than a fathers love.

When Dale gave her the choice, she looked towards Scout again, and then pulled her in for a hug too. “You go on ahead,” She told her friend, giving her a reassuring smile. “I think I’m going to tour the town a bit. Who knows when I’ll get another chance to look for scrap in a place like this.”

It seemed like a good excuse - it was a real reason, she would absolutely have a ball of a time going through the cars around here and look for parts that might be harder to get back in New Zealand. But she also wanted to give them a bit of space to do their family thing. Scout really seemed to need her parents right now. She wasn’t ready to sleep, still jittery from adrenaline, and didn’t feel like sitting in a room, trying to calm her heartrate.

“I don’t mind the company though,” She said towards Dale, smiling a little sheepishly and rubbing the back of her neck. If this were a normal abandoned town, she’d feel absolutely fine going through it alone. But given the zombies, and the apparent random people that are just walking around waiting to get killed, being alone seemed not to be the best idea.

[afurtivecake]

I'm not sure if I'm the only one who notices the aftg fandom tendency to infantilize victims of abuse but the way some people here talk about jean like he's made of glass sounds so weird and patronizing to me. I remember reading the part where cat suggests that there might be nice to explore his sexuality and pleasure now that he's in a safer environment that allows him to do it and thinking oh well that makes sense and it's sweet that she found a playful way to talk about an awkward topic (sex and pleasure) and then I'm on tumblr and there's people saying that she practically made fun of his sexual assault I mean ? did she? jean was embarrassed but that was it. it wasn't malicious at all and trust me I think jean is familiar enough with malice and cruelty to know what it looks like. ANYWAY I wanted your thoughts on the subject since ur not the type to jump on moralist rants or interpreting a character with such bad faith. I always like to read what you have to say!

funny you should mention this, anon, i do have a fic wip where cat teases jean about him watching jeremy, and jean being in a bit of a funny headspace at the time goes into a spiral. and in it, jean knows that his reaction isn't about cat or what cat said and he's not angry or upset with her. and the fic isn't really about jean and cat, it's about jean and his trauma.

because, you see, i think the thing about trauma is that it is inconvenient. the person with the trauma doesn't want to have the trauma responses that they have. they don't want it to pop up in response to things that they logically KNOW are fine and safe. it's really really frustrating! but sometimes they can't help it. sometimes they're not even conscious of what exactly triggered them. but that doesn't mean whoever or whatever triggered the response are to blame or that they need to change their behaviour.

it's like neil and wymack in tfc when wymack shouts at neil when neil drops the coffee beans and neil spooks. neil explains to wymack that he KNOWS wymack doesn't mean to hurt him and that wymack isn't even actually angry, but he can't help the way he reacts. at no point does neil blame wymack and wymack doesn't substantially change how he behaves around neil either. they just sort of learn how each other works as neil slowly becomes more comfortable around the foxes.

i don't think jean actually blames cat (or even thea, for that matter) for saying something that raises his hackles. jean (unlike riko) is emotionally mature enough to not blame others for his involuntary emotional reactions.

trust me, i have no idea what the common aftg opinions are and i'm horrible at guessing. but i will say that the sunshine court would read as a very different book if everyone handled jean's trauma with pitch-perfect, ideal care. it would read like one of those books that make you want to retch because it sounds like it was written by people who have never dealt well with people with complex trauma and are writing a fantasy of how they wish it would go.

[nikist-4-n]

I just have a few things I want to say in which you don’t have to agree, but the first being what did you guys get out of exposing Dodo? Why do people feel the need to expose others? Just makes room for others to bring that person down and hurt them, but because something is done to you doesn’t mean you do it back to others. Where it is wrong, all the stuff Dodo did, and no one will really know why she did it, but to say Chei did nothing isn’t possible. People don’t do things to hurt others without reason unless something was done to them. Sometimes we don’t realize we upset people, but that’s where Dodo should’ve communicated. 2: About all the hate that’s been received on here, it can easily be ignored. No one can control you; no one can do anything that would take away value from your life, so why do everyone not just ignore anons? There’s no need to announce a hiatus or threaten to go on one; just do it if you really want to. It’s only an act of looking for sympathy so that people will tell you to stay. And lastly, people love to use the term sexualizing easily when it comes to idols but never western artists. People are sexual; it’s normal to feel sexual feelings towards others. You don’t think idols fuck? You don’t think idols think about fans and other people that way too? What makes it wrong that we do it but okay they do? It’s funny no one gets mad when people talk about western artists that way. The fact of the matter is we’re human; now, to sexualize someone is to purely see them in a sexual way. But if you care about them and also feel that way, it’s normal news flash we’re created to procreate. People always make it seem like such a crime to express how you feel, which is why every interaction is on the surface because everyone’s too sensitive to go deeper. Overall you don’t expose others; you guard them. No matter what they’ve said or done, you protect one’s secrets because that goes to show your true character. Judge Dodo all you want and be mad at her for the things she’s done, but can you all honestly look at yourselves and say you’re perfect? You’re no better than her. You think because you don’t do as she does or say what she says, it makes you a saint? You’re not.

( didn't wanna respond cuz it's a lot )

Well this is a lot but I have disagreements

1 what did you guys get out of exposing Dodo? Why do people feel the need to expose others? Just makes room for others to bring that person down and hurt them, but because something is done to you doesn’t mean you do it back to others

I don't like the way u put it as if she wasn't bullying a friend of ours so of course we exposed her ( and we also did it so people know how she is and so she doesn't hurt others ) and people feel the need to expose others because of the reasons I explained above. It's about ur morals aswell because why must anyone be silent when someone is an objectively bad person? Ur disgusting if u think like that actually. And our objective was to not send hate to dodo, but to tell others what she did and because she lied as well. And to ur last part, what happened to dodo never happened to me so I wasn't spreading hate or anything I simply told everyone what a bad person she is.

2 Where it is wrong, all the stuff Dodo did, and no one will really know why she did it, but to say Chei did nothing isn’t possible. People don’t do things to hurt others without reason unless something was done to them. Sometimes we don’t realize we upset people, but that’s where Dodo should’ve communicated

Actually I disagree because dodo did not have a reason to be mad ( read here through pic 1-4 ) and chei did nothing because they were joking together and that was definitely not the reason dodo was mad cuz dodo joked the worst out of all of us. If dodo had a reason she should've told me instead of escalating the situation. And I agree with the last part ( first time we agree ), if she did have a reason she should've told us instead of taking whatever she felt out on chei.

3 About all the hate that’s been received on here, it can easily be ignored. No one can control you; no one can do anything that would take away value from your life, so why do everyone not just ignore anons? There’s no need to announce a hiatus or threaten to go on one; just do it if you really want to. It’s only an act of looking for sympathy so that people will tell you to stay

Firstly what the fuck. What ur saying is easier said than done cuz we all are different in the way we handle things, if u can ignore the hate doesn't mean someone else can too. Just because it didn't/did happened to u and u ignored it doesn't mean it can be the same for others. Like May, the anon was literally threatening to come to her house and saying all sorts of nasty things which is pretty hard to ignore ( even for me ) so are u invalidating her feelings? And what if the anon came to her house and hurt her? Then are u gonna tell her she should've ignored it? Ur actually disgusting. This was a very ignorant take

4 And lastly, people love to use the term sexualizing easily when it comes to idols but never western artists

I disagree because people sexualize these idols on both sides. And also unlike kpop, ( some ) pop idols use s*x appeal to sell themselves ( which does not justify anything I'm just pointing out the obvious) but kpop capitalises mostly on parasocial relationships ( like variety shows, lives, fan calls, fan meets, etc) which you rarely see pop idols doing and also cause of the fact that kpop is full of minors in groups as well. And to the adult kpop idols, it still doesn't justify u sexualizing them because sexualizing people is a form of dehumanizing people and only seeing them as s*x objects rather than people which is disgusting actually.

5 People are sexual; it’s normal to feel sexual feelings towards others. You don’t think idols fuck? You don’t think idols think about fans and other people that way too? What makes it wrong that we do it but okay they do? It’s funny no one gets mad when people talk about western artists that way

Just because people are sexual anon, doesn't mean they must act out their sexual feelings ( like calling them daddy, filming under skirt videos, etc. ) kpop idols are humans and they deserve to be respected. And why would I think that idols are fucking or them thinking about people that way, it's none of my business and it's straight up gross to even think about. S*x is a normal thing to feel and talk about, but imagining people u don't know feeling like that is weird af to me. And people don't get mad at pop idols because ( some ) pop idols talk about it in their lyrics and use it as their whole brand sometimes ( eg. Megan Thee Stallion, cardi B, Playboi Carti, Niki Minaj, Ice Spice, Glorrila, Sabrina Carpenter, etc. ) so it is weird to compare them to kpop ( idols ) which goes for a kind of opposite brand.

6 The fact of the matter is we’re human; now, to sexualize someone is to purely see them in a sexual way. But if you care about them and also feel that way, it’s normal news flash we’re created to procreate

I disagree because a lot of things can exist at the same time. U can sexualize an idol while also caring about them. It doesn't make it less bad tho cuz u still sexualizing them no matter how u put it. And that's not how sexualizing works, u don't need to be able to procreate to sexualize an idol (eg. u can be a man sexualizing a man or a woman sexualizing a woman too and etc. ) so that take is very close minded, it's 2024 wake up. Just cuz we can procreate doesn't mean we should or have to because u don't need to be able to procreate with someone to love or sexualize them

7 People always make it seem like such a crime to express how you feel, which is why every interaction is on the surface because everyone’s too sensitive to go deeper

Anon u can express ur love to an idol without sexualizing them at all, u can talk about their talent, their personality, their music or new haircut. And we're not sensitive for calling out behaviour like this for example:

( u can see it's dodo in the URL )

In conclusion

Although u made some points ( barely ), ur statements were still heavily flawed. I suggest u do some character improvement with some of these takes because they were either ignorant or close minded

[trashy-tries-writing]

Hiii its me again 🍄 anon! And i got more ideas for Ravine writing!

Ok so what if like we have a scenario where maybe Ravine gets caught off guard, like someone unexpectedly came up from behind him(I honestly doubt that would actually happen but just for the sake if the post lets just say it happens) and Ravine's first instinct/reaction is to grab whoever's behind him and throw them over his shoulder (WWE style-) then proceeds to almost blow there head off with whatever firearm on him at the time.

If it wasn't for whoever got bodied to snap Ravine out of it there would have been a blood soak floor. When said person gets up they ask him what that was about and as per usual, Ravine says nothing but just stares at them before walking away.

I just think it would be funny seeing people like Ghost and Price get bodied/thrown around like it was nothing. And honestly seeing König get decommissioned in seconds would be hilarious! He's probably so used to being feared by everyone/being build like a fuckin truck that having someone casually just flip him would probably throw him for a loop.

Anyways thanks for listening to my dumb rambling again! Ravine always makes me feel better! This is 🍄 anon and ill see you next time!

Also Ravine could do that to me and i would fuckin thank him-

Watching Young Justice League- (or the crash course bc I can’t find full ep.) and realizing they skipped so much stuff. Maybe I should’ve started with comics instead of a TV series. Anyone have recommendations for someone who’s just getting into DC? (I already have like- a character that turns from a normal boy into a meta-human into the moon- I meAN WHAT- Too much fun with angst. I swear I try to write fluff, I swear I am. XD)

Also Spiderman??? So much angst on top of angst on top of angst- Like "Spider-man: No Way Home- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?? PETER MY CHILD OMG 😭 Fuck that I'm gonna make a character where the magic didn't work on him. Fuck u Marvel for making every Spider-man sad 😭 (Anyone wanna read that? 👀👀)

Hi hi 🍄 Anon👋, thank you so much for sharing this because I had so much fun! XD And it's not dumb I love your rambles! Let's just say that it was on a day where Ravine was thinking of the past. Problem solved😌 I hope you enjoy this and see you around 🍄 Anon👋💕 Omg same– WHAT WHO SAID THAT! Also merry christmas everybody! Hope you’re having a wonderful holiday! 💕

He didn’t mean to, he really didn’t. But that didn’t stop his reflexes from working faster than his brain. Ravine should’ve known to stay inside if he was going to be taken over with his thoughts.

Simon Ghost Riley

Ghost had been walking around the base for too long, just trying to find the giant of a man. How is it possible to not know where someone that big was? It’s not like he can hide with his size.

Or can he?

He has a feeling that Ravine can do so much more than he has already shown TF 141, and Ghost was eager to know when that would be.

Ghost blinks when he sees Ravine’s slouched body leaving the weapon room, a box under his arm with mechanical parts sticking out if and his attention stuck to the papers in his other hand.

Of course he would be working on something.

When was he not?

But Ravine was so deeply rooted inside his head, he wasn’t reading the documents or even looking at it correctly when he felt it.

Someone was behind him.

Someone-

Ravine feels his skin crawl, his mind playing tricks on him and-

Ghost feels gravity leaving him as Ravine yanks him over his shoulder. With his vision upside down, a silent gasp leaves his mouth. The air gets knocked out of his lungs as he lays on the cold ground with his hand in Ravine’s tight grip, his eyes swimming.

“Argh! Ravine, it's me!”

CRASH

Ravine drops everything as he falls to his knee, hands now softly brushing over Ghost as he sits up. He groans as he leans back on Ravine’s bent knee. Ravine twitches at the contact before lightly placing his hand on his hurt shoulder.

Ghost tilts his head towards Ravine’s chest, he can almost hear his heart beating out of his ribcage from guilt as he tries to catch his breath from being thrown around.

Despite the situation and the physical ache, Ghost finds Ravine’s reactions hilarious. (Don’t tell anyone that.)

Ravine doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know where to put his other hand as it lingers around Ghost who’s clenching and unclenching his fist, testing if it’s sprained or not by the firm grip Ravine had it a few seconds ago.

Ravine wants to leave, walk away as if he didn’t just hurt his teammate because of his wild instincts.

"What was that-"

Ghost’s shoulder aches and he blinks at the hand mark slowly forming on his wrist.

“-Bloody hell…”

Ravine tenses.

Ravine lifts Ghost up with ease, a little too much ease to the latter's taste as he hurries through the mess of fallen mechanical parts and loose documents.

He calmly walks through the base, getting Gaz and Soap’s attention as they pass the lounge. Gaz’s eyes widen while the water leaks out from Soap’s gaping mouth onto his shirt.

“What- Was that- Did…???”

“Ravine carrying Ghost? Yep definitely was them.”

Price could only stare as Ravine barges into his office with Ghost looking a little too comfortable in his arms as if he could take a nap right there and then.

The captain pulls his lips into a thin line, slowly slurping from his coffee mug as he squints his eyes at them.

“Let me guess…”

“Yes.”

“Oh boy.”

Ravine looks down at Ghost who’s leaning his head further into his chest, secretly enjoying the situation and then at Price who stares as if it’s a normal Tuesday.

Later they get told by the doctor that Ghost’s shoulder is injured due to being almost pulled out of his sockets and his wrist was now branded with Ravine’s hand for who knows how many days- weeks even.

Ravine couldn’t face Ghost for weeks- months if it wasn’t for Ghost and Price cornering him like they did the day Ghost met Ravine for the first time.

Ghost has a sense of déjà-vu.

(Sometimes brushes his hand over the purple-bluish bruise and compares his hand size with Ravines.)

John Price

It happened while they were still getting to know each other in the early days when Price found him inside that… room.

He knew he had to tread carefully with the burning man. He was like a wounded animal, cornered with nowhere to escape with his fangs bared at anything that breathed too loudly or at all.

But Price believed they had crossed over that line as Ravine didn’t react when he had to sit down in a room full of people or inside the tiny car he had to fit in to go on missions. (Price voiced out how too soon it was to send Ravine anywhere. But orders were orders.)

Ravine didn’t react to anything at all anymore. A perfect weap- soldier as Shepard liked to call him.

And so when they arrived back to base after another successful mission with Ravine making it so much easier with his fast killing and stealth, Price had only wanted to praise him for his good work.

But maybe, just maybe it wasn’t a smart idea to suddenly come up from behind him right after a tense operation-

Since Price found himself on the ground, his body having been flipped into the air like he weighed nothing as he landed with a loud ‘BANG’ echoing off the walls and on the ground.

Laswell gasped in surprise, jumping from her seat as Ravine took a step back as if realizing now what he had just done.

The gun that he had pulled out from his holster was now lowered instantly. Ravine’s body was tense, freezing still in his spot.

Price gets back on his feet, leaning slightly onto Laswell as he groans, trying to downplay the situation for Ravine.

“Shiiiiiit… You sure know how to use that strength of yours., don't you?"

Silence takes over the room before Ravine vanishes from his sight, quickly marching away from them with nothing to say. It makes Price sigh loudly.

Laswell chuckles underneath her breath. “Well that was a sight.”

“Will not happen again, so enjoy it while it lasts.” Price breathes out, hands on his hips as he bends his back forward with pain. “Damn it, I need to see the medic…I think I broke something.”

He ends up with bruised skin on his back, even fractured bones that puts him out of commission.

Price eyes the doctor, “...Well I’ll be damned.”

Price never thought that he would end up getting slammed into the ground like the enemies Ravine sometimes threw over his shoulder. Luckily for him Ravine didn’t use as much force as he did with them as they were directly knocked out of their consciousness...and then shot to death.

‘Now where is…’

It took a few months for him to finally get a real conversation with Ravine.

König

He shouldn’t be feeling like this, he really shouldn’t. But König continues to scream into his head, cheeks flared up with his thoughts stuck from the earlier occurrences.

König leaves the training facility, a towel draped over his shoulders as he makes his way to the showers to relax his muscles from the workout. Soon enough his stomach rumbles and he changes his mind of going back to his room to relax.

Rounding the corner, he sees Ravine staring through the window, his arms crossed over his chest, making his back muscle tense.

Feeling a little confident to try talking to the soldier who was just as tall as him, sticking out like a sore thumb in the team with… shorter people, König approaches the quiet man with a small smile.

“Hey Ravine.”

Surprised that the man didn’t react like he usually would when called, König tilts his head as he reaches a hand out.

“Rav-?”

A startled yelp escapes his lips, the world tilts and he finds himself staring at the swinging lights hanging from the ceiling. His body twitches uncomfortable and aches in pain as confusion swims in his eyes.

With his breath knocked out of him, shock taking over mentally and physically as Ravine slowly releases his steel grip, König tries to choke out something but he could only gasp. 

“…W-Was..?” -…W-What..?

Pain radiates through his left side but as König sees Ravine’s body loom over him, pressure withdrawn from his stomach and arms, and the realization that he had been so easily decommissioned in seconds, has left a new kind of warmth rushing through him.

König slowly rises to his feet, hand shooting up to rub his shoulder. The man stares confused when Ravine is now checking him over with what he guesses is worry, since there isn’t much to find out with his face covered and the silence in his throat.

“I-I’m fine, you just took me by surprise.”

Ravine brushes his fingers over the bruise forming on König’s wrist and König doesn’t know why he suddenly felt he should leave.

“Don’t worry, it’s fine. I er- I’m going to eat now. Yeah…now.”

However, with his food sitting in front of him, fork in hand, König stares silently in front of him, confusing his teammates in the dining hall and creeping others with his unblinking eyes. And just as quietly as he came he robotically goes back to his room.

That’s when he flops down on his bed, face pushed into his pillow, his face reddening when the situation with Ravine finally hits him.

Ravine had swung him over his shoulder like nothing and had pressed his knee down on his stomach, keeping him in place with his arms over his head with a grip that left handprints on him that were bruising.

König was used to being feared and manhandling others- others as in targets to eliminate- but being tossed around like a toy by someone else is-

‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-’

Both were evading the other’s presence without the other’s knowledge until they were put back together for a mission.

-----------------------------------------------

@livinglifebesticanlol @jackiebluh @cumbermovels @agspgrwasb

I hope you enjoyed this! If anyone has any other imagine, scenarios, headcanon, etc. Feel free to send it to me, I love reading what you guys have in mind ❤️

[prettycottonmouthlamia]

>Good post! Really well-put together analysis of the branch.

Thank you! Like genuinely, it's actually a good feeling.

>But i find it difficult to even look at Wiš'adel as a Flinger. She just ignores the identity of the branch so much by dealing incredibly high damage to high defense enemies all by herself, hitting flying enemies (I didn't know Rosmontis could bypass that limitation with a future Branch, but even then she needs another operator helping her to do it) and I agree that flyers aren't an issue, especially not when you're not in IS and have access to your entire roster, but it is still part of the branch's identity. Even her attack animations don't sell her as a Flinger to me. Going by the module short, the original name of the branch is probably something like "Bombardment Sniper", but both Greyylter and TRC throw something in the traditional way and Rosmontis throws something non-traditionally with her big invisible hands. If I didn't know what Wiš'adel was and you showed me a clip of her without revealing her attack range, I'd think she was still an Artilleryman Sniper. Because of this, I don't consider her a win for Flingers. They made her a Flinger to let her abuse the upsides they have while letting her ignore the drawbacks that come with the branch. Which yes, could be described as her being a look at what the branch could be, as you said, but blowing past the limitations just isn't it for me.

So there's a few things I want to bring up here because I think they're important. I do consider Wis'adel to be a Flinger at heart. Her kit would be noticeably worse if she wasn't one. It wouldn't just be in terms of raw damage either, it would also be in consistency. Wis'adel is ultimately designed to make the most use of her class's quirks, and you can see that if you look at her S1 and S2.

Wis'adel's S1 and S2 are also quite good skills, and they actually follow the design perspectives that you would expect them to. They get overshadowed a lot by her S3, but S1 and S2 are good, honest, Flinger skills at their core, and their helped by Wis'adel having good numbers.

Ultimately, I think this is more a result of how just how barebones the class is, so the result you get is the class having these long stints between releases of operators.

Rosmontis: 11/1/2020-11/15/2020 || 4/30/2021-5/14/2021 Greyy: 7/5/2022-7/19/2022 || 3/14/2023-3/28/2023 Wis'adel: 5/1/2024-5/15/2024 || 8/31/2024-9/14/2024

I've also included CN dates because when we're talking about Greyy, that means Dorothy's Vision, an infamously delayed event lol. The difference between Rosmontis and Wis'adel was three and a half years, which is kind of absurd. There are other classes with pretty big gulfs between 6-star releases and they honestly have that same sort of feeling too: look at Pozemka versus Schwarz, Typhon vs Rosa, Mountain vs Chongyue, Hellagur vs Zuo Le...you know.

If we had gotten a solid intermediate between Rosmontis and Wis'adel, one that wasn't dealing with the insane numbers Wis'adel is but wasn't necessarily hampered as badly by her kit as Rosmontis, I think Wis'adel would have been a lot more understandable, especially in terms of kit design. As it is now though, yeah it's pretty massive whiplash. I'm not gonna sit here and be like "You need to agree with my opinion or else" though because this ultimately is just personal opinion and taste.

>The branch on a surface level is designed to clear crowds of weak enemies, not to nuke down elites or bosses. Similar to Splash Casters (who are also quite disliked in an overblown manner).

So I'm not disagreeing here per se, I just think it is a little funny that Rosmontis's one CC clear is...nuking down elites and bosses lol. I'm going to link the Risk 31 clear that uses her (alongside Bagpipe) to take out the Bladehelm Recruit and the Risk 30 clear that uses her for that same Recruit but also to kill the Withered Knight. They're neat clears! Definitely a window in the possibility of what Rosmontis might have done in a CC like CC6 if it wasn't for the release of Chen the Holungday.

>Also about Dusk: She was considered pretty bad until her ModY came out. She wasn't that bad, her S2 in particular was/is quite powerful, but ModY really elevated her and helped her fulfill the phantasy of using her S3 to put up a mass of summons to hold back groups of enemies.

Yeah I didn't touch on Dusk much because I couldn't exactly remember what the hype level was around her release. I think it was initially positive but less positive than I remember Mostima being lol.

>On release, people were disappointed by how "bad she is at levitating enemies" when that isn't even really the point. The levitation is just a means to an end, that being activating her silence and damage boost, as well as disrupting attack windups. Her S2 deals really good damage (450% atk per attack), S1 is way more consistent in actually levitating enemies than you'd think, because enemies tend to enter her range one by one and S3 is alright. It has good use-cases and excels against large bosses, cause she can hit them with three tornados at once.

Yeah Ho'ol is the one that's the "wife" in that sentence. I think even calling Silence the Paradigmatic bad is a little mean, even though her kit is very strangely designed.

Ho'olheyak suffered a lot from aesthetic complaints, my least favorite kind. People wanted the tornadoes from her S3 to levitate entire groups of enemies instead of just one, and this bugged them enough to call her bad by extension.

I have rather poor views of the wider community's ability to discern whether Operators are good or not, if this isn't clear lol. I actually really like Ho'ol, she's well designed in that all three of her skills have uses but she definitely suffers from not being the most consistent of the Core Casters. When you're competing with Eyja and Ceobe, it is ultimately a little rough. Her S2 is secretly her goat skill I'm pretty sure tho

How the Arknights Community was Wrong on One of Arknight's Most Powerful Classes

Or, alternatively, you all need to apologize to Rosmontis right now.

Flingers are experiencing a modern Renaissance right now. Thanks to the release of Wis'adel and the introduction of Rosmontis's absolutely busted IS module, it seems like things are on the up and up for Flingers. Even Greyy the Lightningbearer is a common sight in high level IS runs, and he doesn't even have a broken module.

How on Earth did this happen, when it wasn't very long ago that Flingers were the butt and punchline of their own joke?

The Original Let's start with how the archetype was introduced into the game: Rosmontis. Rosmontis was released alongside Mudrock for the Chapter 8 release event, and the reception was pretty mixed. Rosmontis was a limited operator, and to this point, limited operators in Arknights had been pretty middling. Nian wasn't really conclusively better than Hoshiguma, and W was good but nothing special. We were not at the point yet where Dusk or Skadi the Corrupting Heart had been released, so the running joke was typically to roll on the other operator on a limited banner. Mudrock was a really strong laneholder that still sees a lot of use today, and Weedy is by far the strongest shifter operator ever released.

It's also worth noting that Rosmontis was released during a general downturn of opinions on AoE ranged operators. Leonhardt and Meteorite were considered actually quite strong in the early days of Arknights, and I know this must sound crazy, but Mostima and W were actually super hyped for their release. People thought Mostima, base-ass Mostima with no modules, was good. But after CC Blade, and a general stint of CCs where AoE operators made relatively poor performances, the tide had shifted. Operators like Eyjafjalla and Angelina (god remember when Angelina was considered really good. Well I guess she is now. Regardless) had AoE capabilities but were much cheaper in DP and had solid secondary skills for dealing with single enemies. So people were generally pretty down on AoE operators, which wasn't helped later on by the release of Passenger, an operator considered so bad it resulted in several attempts by Hypergryph to make him better (the retrospective view is that while Passenger was bad, he was made out to be a lot worse than he was, a view I agree with).

These two factors did not help the views of Rosmontis as an operator, but it was also further not helped by what content was available to use Rosmontis in: Contingency Contract. Rosmontis, tragically, released after the first theme of Integrated Strategies came and went, and so the only high level content available to use her in was CC. CC is particularly harsh to Flingers as we'll discuss, but this is also something that Wis'adel has managed to avoid as there hasn't been a CC since her release. The only difficult content since Wis'adel's release has been IS and RA, two game modes that honestly favor Flingers as we'll discuss later on. There was just nowhere to use Rosmontis in more difficult content where she didn't feel bad.

Flingers are a pretty interesting subclass, and Arknights has really not designed any subclasses to be like them, ultimately. They have a very impressive attack range, higher bulk than other ranged operators, and a unique gimmick to their attacks: they will deal an additional hit of damage, but one that only has 50% of their ATK. In addition to this, Flingers are the only Sniper subclass that cannot hit aerial enemies without certain conditions being met (Wis'adel's S3, Rosmontis S3 with an aerial blocker).

In general, this results in a class that is very good at dealing with large groups of enemies with only modest DEF stats. This is because DEF ends up having an increased effect on Rosmontis' damage, because it will apply to both of her hits. An enemy with 375 DEF will, after the 175 Def ignore from her talent, reduce her attack damage by a total of 400.

This for a lot of people was sort of the final straw that broke the Rosmontis back. Her vulnerability to enemies having DEF was a problem, and it was generally stated to be in a way that other DPS checks would avoid. In addition, if we take a look at ideal DPS scenarios with the introductory 6-star for each Sniper class:

Ray: 1,346.22 Narantuya: 1,062 Schwarz: 880.28 Exusiai: 815.99 Chen the Holungday: 647.17 Rosmontis: 601.71 Fartooth: 583.88 Rosa: 539 W: 373.93

Rosmontis is very middle of the pack, losing in particular to Exusiai. Now, Exusiai also had the problem of being very soft to enemy DEF stats. Honestly, it should be noted that Rosmontis was always hitting higher DPH than Exusiai would for her normal attack damage.

(I've been getting really into Desmos lately)

Now this is all just auto-attack stuff and I don't want this to be exclusively a Rosmontis analysis by any means (although it's coming). The point here is that there was a pretty common conception that Rosmontis didn't really have a place in the meta, because Exusiai was so dominant in that spot. It's not hard to understand why. If we look at their S3 DPS really quickly...

At low DEF values, Exusiai is overdominant. This isn't super surprising, as she has a lot of factors working in her favor: a busted 5 hit S3, an attack interval reduction as well as a sizable ASPD buff from her talent. But it doesn't take a huge amount of defense for Rosmontis to come out on top. The specific DEF number is 580, roughly. Then, the perks of Rosmontis's S3 come to light: it's larger DEF ignore, it's halved attack interval, and it's much larger ATK buff.

This being said, there are still things working against Rosmontis, like her skill cycle being very long, and her own ATK buff resulting in Warfarin's buff being diluted compared to Exusiai. If you take a look at CC results, it is true that Rosmontis only has one top to her name: CC Spectrum, where she is part of a Risk 31 clear alongside Exusiai, which is pretty cool. But CCs, which often increase enemy DEF while reducing friendly ATK, are just very harsh to Flingers. Given that it is a class so sensitive to DEF and ATK changes to hit breakpoints, most CCs just hit Rosmontis in a double bind.

Funnily enough, Exusiai also doesn't have any top clears in CC past this point too, which is interesting to point out.

(For those counting: Rosmontis: CC5 Exusiai: CC1, CC5)

Rosmontis' position probably wasn't helped past this point by the release of Chen the Holungday either, and the rest is history. Rosmontis goes down as one of the weaker 6-stars in the game. People feel bad when they roll her. People on this website nurse weird ass grudges against her.

The Blip

It would be remiss of me to not remind people about Greyy the Lightningbearer. Greyy was a 5-star, which means that 99% of players ignored his existence, Gamepress made a dogshit summary about him that was made by people who don't play the game, and life moved on. We're going to talk about Greyy in more detail later on because he is important to talk about...

Oh well right now

Lone Trail: The Update That Should Have Changed Everything

Lone Trail was a super massive event, releasing three 6-stars that can be kindly regarded as "good but nothing amazing, bad, and my wife". It also introduced to the game the Flinger Modules, and I'm going to tell you all a secret. You and me, real close now.

It's fucked up these modules didn't receive more hype.

These modules gave Flingers a second shockwave hit. Now that doesn't seem all that impressive. After all, you might think to yourself, that shockwave still deals 50% damage. But the addition of an extra shockwave really changed the numbers of the game, because it meant a huge chunk more damage.

At minimum (673 DEF roughly) this module improves her damage by about 45%. That's pretty crazy for a module as it stands, but if you want to see the full chart, here you go. Arknights Youtubers hire me.

The extremely high peak there, where Rosmontis is doing more than triple the damage she was originally is actually getting to the exact point where Rosmontis without a module moves towards dealing scratch damage. This is pretty common with modules involving physical DPS operators, such as Blaze, to have very unique high points.

But this is 45% just off of, what is essentially

An extra shockwave

60 more points of DEF Ignore

+75 ATK attribute

This is a remarkably tame talent upgrade. The base effect, the second shockwave, is pulling so much work here. These numbers will be a bit more tame when you compare with S2 (already comes with +2 shockwaves) or S3 (already has some DEF shred) but this is still a very impactful module.

It also impacts the stun chance on her S2. Without her module, and having 4 total hits per attack, this puts her stun chance at roughly 59.04% per attack. The additional hit raises those chances to 67.232%. Not a massive increase, but it does help to patch up her odds.

This is also why Greyy's module was so important. Greyy's slow is tied to his talent, and hence the jump from 2 hits to 3 hits is very notable. Without his module, Greyy has a 64% chance to slow the enemy with every attack. With his module, those chances go up to 78.4%! That's pretty significant! He also deals 15% more damage to Slowed enemies too, which is a pretty strong mod on top of the extra shockwave. I haven't actually done Greyy's numbers, but it really does make him a lot more consistent at slowing enemies.

So now we're here, with Flinger's getting a surprisingly good module. They now deal 3 hits per attack, with Rosmontis dealing 5 hits per attack with her S2, which is actually relevant for Lone Trail (Rosmontis can remove a clean 250 DEF with every one of her attacks during her S2 against Arc Screenguards). So what happened?

Well...Flingers weren't popular, were widely regarded as a flawed class, and mostly passed over. It just wasn't worth it to people to raise Rosmontis or Greyy the Lightningbringer even if you had some inkling their module was good.

The Return of Integrated Strategies and Reclamation Algorithm

A miracle the likes of which Hypergryph may never do again...well okay maybe they will, they do be kind of nailing it on the alternate gamemodes, we have the return of Integrated Strategies and Reclamation Algorithm. These modes are actually uniquely situated in comparison to CC to benefit Flingers over other classes. This is largely because of how these modes chose to scale difficulty and the tools they give you to combat this.

In IS, enemy difficulty typically results in scaling HP and ATK buffs, and that's it. It's rare to see enemy DEF buffs in IS. In addition, many relics in IS focus on increasing ATK or ASPD or improving damage dealt. Flingers get much and much better when they deal damage with their shockwaves, and it is pretty easy to do that in IS. Rosmontis's S2 is of special note here: with her module, it deals 5 hits of damage, which means it benefits from ATK buffs to the same degree as Exusiai does, but with a lot of added perks. DEF ignore, a moderate AoE radius, and a chance to stun. This skill is way more dangerous with additional ASPD.

Greyy also benefits a ton here. Extra ASPD allows him to basically permanently lock down entire groups of enemies with slow. This is something that can also sort of be done with Chain Casters, but notably, Chain Casters can only slow down a certain number of enemies at a time with each of their attacks. Since slowed enemies tend to create clusters, Greyy can slow down entire waves of enemies with his attacks, while still dealing pretty impressive damage.

The only issue is the aerial enemies. I haven't mentioned this up until now, because in my opinion, it is the single most overhyped drawback in the entire game. There are tons of events and chapter releases where this basically doesn't matter. Aerial enemies are, for all intents and purposes, rather rare in Arknights. But in IS this is important. Flingers need some degree of map knowledge to use well. But your Sniper ticket is not necessarily the only solution to aerial enemies in any IS, and chances are you'll find more than one. For IS3, you can pick up Kroos Alter and Rosmontis and in the grand majority of situations be completely fine.

Of course, if you play IS5, this basically isn't an issue and Rosmontis is the second stronger Flinger in the game, and I think arguably the second strongest Sniper pick?

I almost forgot RA by the time I went to post this, so it's a good thing I went back because, yes, Flingers and Rosmontis are also good there too. It's literally designed for Flingers to be good, it's huge mobs of enemies all clustered closely around each other. You can use Provisions to give Rosmontis a ton of ATK or ASPD and watch her go ham on like 115 exploding spiders. They also have amazing range for vision on resource maps and have multi-hit mechanics for those stupid locks.

It's like, impressive how nicely Flingers slot in here. I'm really curious how Greyy feels when you give him one of the ASPD provisions so he has +60 ASPD.

Rosmontis CRAVES your Coagulate Supplements!!!!

The End-Times: Wis'adel and Rosmontis's Busted Module

If you've ever wanted to know how we got to this renaissance, it was Wis'adel being released, having absolutely busted numbers on her kit that basically ensured that her shockwaves would always do damage, and then going and soloing IS3 A15 like it was fucking nothing.

Wis'adel proved Flingers could be fucking fantastic.

Rosmontis has actual problems in her kit, she's ultimately a pretty early Limited operator with all the design choices that carries. Wis'adel is what you get when you ask "how far can a Flinger go?" The shockwave mechanic works well with her huge numbers and her shadow status effect. Her summons work to keep as many enemies as possible attached with a shadow. Her blast radius is massive. Honestly the fact she can blow up the UFOs in IS3 barely matters.

Soon after that, Rosmontis got her specialized Module. I've seen people complain about this. You're wrong. There's no fucking way this module should be allowed to be used in general content. It is, in fact, maybe the most busted specialized module they've released. It completely changes Rosmontis as an operator. Benefitting from Caster relics is insane for themes like IS3 which has a ton of genuinely broken ones, her new and improved equipment are insanely powerful, and the fact that she allows every Sniper and Caster to create a free rather tanky blocker with a crazy debuff effect is like

You understand this module is nuts? Surely?

The trait wouldn't really make Rosmontis meta anyhow. It would improve her damage by a lot but puts her, rather frustratingly, into the camp of mixed offensive operators who now have to worry about enemy RES values coming into play. Plenty of the enemies with decent DEF stats that Rosmontis struggles with now also come with sizable RES stats. As I've mentioned in my brief thoughts on Dagda, there are a ton of enemies Dagda hits harder by brute force than Indra does by trying to side-step the bigger stat.

It's also okay that the module is IS only, because IS is where Flingers are just at their best. Nothing is stopping you from using Rosmontis in general content, especially with her still really good BOM-X module!

Flingers, ultimately, are just a well-designed class. They have great range, AoE, and having extra instances of damage is always incredibly powerful. I do think Rosmontis has some kit issues, but I also think that a lot of people immediately dismissed her as bad based on community consensus. You want to know a cool thing about Rosmontis I haven't brought up yet? She can attack invisible enemies with her S3. Invisible enemies feel a lot more common than aerial enemies do, hell Lappland the Decadenza's event is literally a bunch of invisible enemies.

But like, that's never seen as a positive to Rosmontis unless you're a Sniperknights player and then you might just say Totter is better (and I get that, he is a bit more consistent). Rosmontis can hit an entire enemy type with her S3 that Wis'adel can't, but it's seemingly never mentioned. It's just...this community is very strange, you know?

Try Rosmontis out, hell try her out with Shamare or Warfarin. If you use Exusiai a bunch (godspeed soldier it's been rough since the Chen days), you probably already have those operators. Try Greyy out too. Then, if you really want the challenge, E0 Level 1 Wis'adel. Come on. You know that's better than like half the cas-

[archivalofsins]

Haruka, Mu, and Kotoko have been guilty for how long now? The first several prisoners to be guilty have been acquitted under their second ruling for how long? This break has been going on for how long? This post took how long? This is old news-

That doesn't matter. If anyone knows how things work here I always show up several days or months late with snacks. This isn't about my mannerisms though it's about theirs- So, let's talk about the subtleties and nuances of the no longer not so new second karaoke collaboration art in,

A Bunch of (Cyber)Punks

A Bunch of (Cyber)Punks [Part 2:] Let's Get Dystopian! (Es and Haruka are donewooo- In progress.)

Part 3: A Matter of Restraint (in progress)

Huh, why didn't I talk about it day of? Well I was doing some other things of importance don't worry about it~ Do I have a history of doing anything bad? It's probably nothing. No concern of anyone's.

You have @apatchworkstar and I to thank for the graphics that will be outlining this post. Hope they help with following along.

Now let's start from zero,

00b Es

The protagonist and the audience's vessel. They have no memory. Once they awaken they become a prison guard within Milgram Prison. They have no particular doubts or desires to learn about their origins. They fulfill their role as a prison guard every day as told to by Jackalope. Es interacts with the prisoners to unravel the truth behind the crimes they committed and the reasons for them. In order to discern whether to forgive them or not. They have a delicate and beautiful appearance but their gender is unknown. Height: 157cm (5'1)

There are some things to note about Es' appearance within the new cyberpunk inspired collaboration art. Firstly, Es breaks the mold of their peers by having a color outside of the main one affiliated with them used to emphasize their outfit.

Where staff could have chosen to go with the gold trim of their iconic uniform they instead opted to use the innocent and guilty colors. Leaning heavily onto the guilty color while using the innocent one to accentuate their shoes.

Choosing this color to accent the shoes could be representative of Es' attempts to put their best foot forward throughout the series. Meanwhile their uniform being all red (the guilty color) could represent the trials of the job or Es' changing perspective when it comes to Milgram as a facility.

It no longer having the stunning golden reputation it once had in their eyes. A recognition on some level that what they're doing is dirty work and ultimately may be unhelpful to everyone including themselves. Something that was shown throughout their statements over the course of trial two.

Yuno's Second Voice Drama (-273.15°C)

1:02s (One minute and two seconds in)

"Regardless of if you are interested or not, I am just going to do my job." Job...huh. Hey, how is it? This chaotic situation you wrought with that splendid job of yours? Is it fun? "What are you trying to say?" Are you personally satisfied? I mean, having forgiven and not forgiven. The inside of the prison is like this now.

10:58s (Ten minutes and fifty-eight seconds in.)

"I'm sorry but that's the sort of place Milgram is." Then I hate Milgram. "It's fine if you do."

11:31s (Eleven minutes and thirty-one seconds in)

Well, I guess so. But if you refer to the law, regardless, I can't be accused of murder. "This is Milgram." Yes, yes. You love Milgram a lot don't you, warden-san? "...That is not particularly true." I'm sure.

Futa's Second Voice Drama (Baptism of Fire)

1:03s (One minute and three seconds in)

"No that's-" Are you satisfied? Since you decided not to forgive me. H... hahaha. Are you satisfied dishing out punishments that are easy to understand? "That's not it..." Huh? "I wasn't thinking you'd receive a punishment like this and I didn't instruct Kotoko to do that, either. Punishments executed through violence..." Huh... "I didn't think it would turn out this way." Keh, heh, hah... hahahahahaha! "What's so funny?" Big words. You did want this- This. Me looking like this. "You're wrong! Finding out why you all became murderers and figuring out how to judge you; that's all I'm looking to do-" Hey. Look at me. My right eye. It looks awful, doesn't it? I to constantly keep it patched up to prevent any trace of dirt coming in contact with the wound. "..." [recoils]

Like a coward who can't face the consequences of their own choices- Yeah, I fucking said it. I'll say it again. Oh they're just fifteen. Didn't stop anyone from hounding the twelve-year old. Time flows differently in Milgram some folks theorize. how convenient we can keep the cycle of dogpiling on children strong. They ain't getting any less fifteen according to some. How long can this remain an excuse. Just because this brat is perpetually fifteen ain't making them any less accountable in my book. Es needs to take some accountability lessons from Amane.

"I don’t agree with the fact you refuse to acknowledge that I have my own free will, and that I should be held accountable for my actions, just because I’m a child. I may have only been alive for 12 years, but all the choices I’ve made, even if they weren’t the best ones, were entirely my own. What point is there in you getting sad when I have no regrets myself?"

Instead of I don't know crying like a fucking child go I didn't mean it to the person they possibly irrecoverably injured due to what they choose to support by voting in favor of it. It's not like Es didn't have suspicions but choose to deem her innocent anyway. Naw it'd be wild if they just blatantly admitted that at any point,

2:57 (two minutes and fifty-seven seconds in)

"..." You forgave her for feeling that way. You- "It's true that I got a bad feeling about that side of her. When she said there are times where it's necessary to stand up as justice against evil..."

I mean certainly she told me everything she was about and I said close to with my full chest yes more of that please but- I didn't know she would do what she did again here! That she'd be a repeat offender and not want to stop. I didn't know that she would use someone having a negative reputation regardless of how small- Be it in the news or my own personal eyes as an excuse to jump those people! How would I have known?!

Meanwhile Futa is just sitting here like,

(Beginning of small tangent)

Futa: Ya know I'll go down this road with you. Play me her first trial video real quick like- Let's hold off for a second here. Because maybe you're telling the truth and there wasn't enough information for you to guess she'd do something like this.

Es: Really?

Futa: Yeah, I'm honestly willing to extend the benefit of the doubt and try to see this from your perspective. I mean I didn't think she would do something like this when everything started either.

*three minutes and thirty-four seconds later*

Futa: ... *head in hands*

Es: I see now how there were a few red flags.

Futa: A FEW?! WHAT DID SHE HAVE TO DO PUT I JUMP PEOPLE ON HER HAT- WHICH SHE TECHNICALLY DID?! She advertised for anyone to see that she jumps people who do crimes regardless of how small. In a building where everyone has done a crime what about voting her innocent seemed like a good idea. Even you're technically doing a crime! One of those people were a bike thief- What the fuck is wrong with you she murdered people over theft this isn't a hard case to solve are you insane? You're accusing us all of murder this facility abducted several people everything in this building has committed a crime. You, me, the fucking air too maybe- Hell probably your rabbit as well. She's gonna kill all of us at this rate.

Es: Well, I don't think she'd do that... But I did extend a generous amount of the benefit of the doubt and assumed she wasn't as harsh on everyone of course.

Futa: ... No, no absolutely not. Hold on... What was Mahiru's?

Es: ...

Futa: Es-

Es: I think we should stop pursuing this train of thought now.

Futa: Are you fucking serious no show it run that shit-

*three minutes and thirty one seconds later*

Futa: ES- SHE'S IN A CAST ES?! A CAST ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS WHY- WHAT ABOUT THAT WAS BAD?!

Es: Don't you wanna I don't know defend your own video or something this is starting to make me feel a bit bad about my choices...

Futa: You should feel bad! And no I at least know I somewhat deserve this but what the fuck.

Es: Okay, okay I need you to know I am not bad at my job I am trying my best.

Futa: Are you?!

Es: Yes; yes I am! I-in fact- I can show you a verdict you'd agree with-I have one judgment you'll agree with completely!

Futa: Oh, yeah sure let's watch it-

*three minutes and forty-eight seconds later*

Futa: Yeah you were right for that. You were correct in that judgment like- God damn how may people did he kill.

Es: Probably less than Kotoko with how things are going.

Futa: ?! Some of us just deserve to be able to leave or at least have locks can we order locks.

Es: I'll order some...

Several months later-

Es: *watching Deep Cover* (Oh fuck Futa was right she is going to kill us all at this point.)

Futa (outside the glass window of the interrogation room which only has this window for the bit): *mouthing* I fucking told you!

Es: *head in hands*

Kotoko: *passed out in the fucking extraction machine*

(End of small tangent.)

All that to say Es be suffering in this job. This job sucks. They aren't paid they get put into coma for several months until they're needed. They don't even get to use the facilities or be around the prisoners like that. Who they admit to being fond of despite everything. They've admitted multiple times that this work is hard on them and they find no enjoyment from it.

They worry constantly about the sort of person this work may be turning them into. They are not doing a good job or having a good time. Trial two does it's best to consistently highlight this wherever possible.

Futa's Second Voice Drama (Baptism of Fire)

2:07s (two minutes and seven seconds in)

According to Shidou, it's likely that I won't ever be able to see with this eye again. Sucks, huh? "I didn't-" "I didn't want that to happen", is it?

3:12s (three minutes and twelve seconds in)

Heh, hahah! Milgram changes shape according to your judgment. The standards of judgment, the world that you want... This is what it's all about, huh? "...It's not like that..." Not forgiving me but forgiving Kotoko... That's what it boils down to, isn't it? Isn't this the result you wanted?! Heh. You're laughing aren't you? Even now, seeing what shape I'm in. "You're wrong, I-" "...didn't think it'd turn out like this"- right?! "A-ah..." I get that.

At times Es doesn't even agree with the judgments they made along with the audience.

Kazui Second Voice Drama Imposter Boulevard

4:20s (four minutes and twenty seconds in)

"The reason I forgave you was because I was lacking details. I still don't understand your true feelings or how things got to that point either." I see. "It was extremely hard to understand. Even with all that poetry, though, your self-absorbed nature was more than obvious." Oh, my... That's quite a sweeping generalization even though you forgave me? "It's a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is." It's personal? "Yeah. That's right." That's strange. I did think that despite being neutral as a warden, you had some things you disliked, but... ... Isn't it unusual to openly reveal a personal dislike as a personal dislike? (A.K.A why would you have to reveal this as a personal dislike if you could have just voted me guilty based of it being one. Unless someone else is judging me and you can't just make the decision based on your dislikes alone. Why not just say you dislike it warden and explain why I'm innocent despite that.) "You're splitting hairs!"

This leads me to believe that Es' appearance in the collaboration art is another progression of what was implied with them from the third anniversary art as well as in the second trial voice dramas.

How they're getting stained by their own judgment, their proximity to the prisoners and Milgram. That the more the judge these sins the dirtier their hands get and the further under they go. That Es as the warden of Milgram and the proxy of the audience is finally starting to question what that fully means.

And is now asking the question Milgram as a facility has asked since the beginning-

When all three trials are completed, what will be the ending that awaits the prisoners and you?

That maybe the prisoners have been when they said,

See? Aren't we the same? - You're... the same as us aren't you? You just got caught up in a bigger picture.

Futa Second Voice Drama (Baptism by Fire)

6:16s (Six minutes and sixteen seconds in)

"You and me...the same? Me, who decided not to forgive you, not anticipating that you would be severely injured for it, being the same as you... Who killed without anticipating the other person would die, is that what you're trying to say?" That's right. What's the difference...? Mahiru is still on the brink of death! If she had died from that we'd be exactly the same! "... Don't make a fool of me!" Huh? "I've seen it! The way you got amusement out of your actions like it was just a game! The way you so easily elevated yourself to act as a one-person jury!! That, being the same as me?!" ...! "You've gotta be kidding! I am the warden of Milgram, the one who judges your sins! It's not just you and Mahiru- I've faced all ten of you prisoners with my own life. Don't lump me in with someone like you, who used someone's sins for cheap entertainment!"

It's Not My Fault

1:08s (one minute and eight seconds in.)

"Sorry for hurting you, but I didn’t mean it- I am doing this is just because of being bored. We are just the same."

Futa Second Voice Drama (Baptism by Fire)

7:33s (seven minutes and thirty-three seconds in)

...Heh... Haha...Ahahahaha!! Pheeww.... WHF-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! YOU'VE GOTTA BE A COMPLETE IDIOT! "Excuse me?" JUST HOW BIG OF A DEAL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Seems like that fancy hat and outfit of yours are making you feel real high and mighty! "Careful with your words, Prisoner no.03."

Shidou's Second Voice Drama (Aesculapius)

1:48s (one minute and forty-eight seconds in)

"Don't lump me in with you! You're an inmate, I'm the warden! Now that I've started this I intend to see it through to the end."

Now of course there are other explanations for why they would go with red instead of the usual gold associated with Es' uniform.

Red could have been chosen as an attempt at not having too many shades of yellow within one image. Though for that to make sense one would need to blatantly ignore the several shades of blue, the repeated adding of yellow and green hues on prisoners who have never had that color (looking at Haruka and Amane)- As well as the simple fact Futa's prisoner color is red and they made it lighter so Es could have the guilty color basically but we'll get there when we get there.

Still, even ignoring all of those points. The color chosen here isn't even the one most associated with Es when it comes to merchandising. Even the light from the Hallucination event has their color as green while every piece of merchandise has their color as the one behind them within the collaboration art promotional image,

The color used for most of Es' clothing here is the red that stains the edge of their uniform within their character art on the website. The color most associated with the Milgram website overall and with being guilty.

Outside of those instances this color lines the box Es holds in their second trial character art and within Undercover. The infamous 000 box. After we see it for the first time we're shown this image,

This one image displays just how similar Es is to the other prisoners within Milgram. At the same time it serves to display how above the others they believe themself to be. The other prisoners' ten boxes lie on the floor at Es' feet beneath them in ever way as their own box sits right by their side literally put on a pedestal.

This superiority Es feels is displayed from their very first interrogation,

Haruka's First Voice Drama

6:02s (Six minutes and two seconds in.)

[slaps Haruka] It hurts. What are you doing?! "I'm the prison guard. That just now is how I'll educate you prisoners. I'm allowed to do so."

Want to take this moment to point out that in Futa and Kotoko's second voice dramas Es states that punishing people with violence was never something they supported. Yet they say this is how they'll educate the prisoners right after smacking Haruka in the face then continue to get violent with prisoners over the course of trial two. Just throwing it out there for the second point.

[grabs Haruka] "Got that. Listen carefully, prisoner number one. I'll say it any number of times- I'm the prison guard. Understanding your true nature is my job. No matter what you are or whatever nasty work you've done- I'll see all of it. Making judgments is my job. To say something like that... "You'll be abandoned"? Don't take me so lightly." [faint whimpers] "Until I know your sins and complete my judgment as to whether they're forgivable or unforgivable-"

"You're objects for me to govern."

"Don't think I'll let you escape." Prison guard... [giggles] "Wait a second... Haruka, what are you smirking for?" Ah, I'm sorry. It must be creepy, right? "It does creep me out." [throws Haruka]

"It's a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is."

Yuno's First Voice Drama

3:44s (Three minutes and forty-four seconds in)

Hey, hey- What did you and Haruka talk about? Making that boy smile like that must've taken a lot of thought, right? "I will not divulge the contents of what was said during that interrogation. However... Let's see. Shall I enlighten you about what I did? I slapped him right in the face with all my strength and made sure it hurt." Wow~ Is that why he came back with such a bright smile? Well, isn't Haruka Mr.Kinky!"

Haruka's First Voice Drama

7:24s (Seven minutes and twenty-four seconds in.)

"It does creep me out." Ah, you've got it wrong... This is a strange thing to say but it made me a bit happy. "Happy?" Yeah. "What an odd thing to say even if I'm the one saying that. Being imprisoned being restrained even being interrogated like this too-"

Haruka's Second Trial Voice Drama

6:01s (Six minutes and one second in)

Mmnn, nnghh! ...I'm not an idiot...! "Yes you are, idiot! I don't dislike idiots who know their place, but as you are, you're a cocky idiot instead. Just looking at you makes me sick! Idiot, idiot!" Ghh...! You're mean...! "Sure I am. Anyways, right now, calm down- Haruka. Your past self would've been a lot more cooperative right now." Fssh... *sniffle*

"I just wanted to be your good boy- Why am I crying again?"

[slaps Haruka] It hurts. What are you doing?! "I'm the prison guard. That just now is how I'll educate you prisoners. I'm allowed to do so."

"Please don’t say that I am a loser- Hug me again as you once did." - "Haruka, what are you smirking for?"

Haruka Second Trial Voice Drama

8:30 (Eight minutes and thirty seconds in.)

"And you believe that killing someone because of that was the right thing to do?" I don't know! Then what should I have done, in your opinion? Even after stealing things important to her, my mother still wouldn't show any interest in me! Then what do you think I should have done?!

MILGRAM / Character Voice Trailer [Full Ver.] Glitched Voiceline

"Then what should have I done instead?! Tell me! Tell me so even I can understand!"

Then what should I have done, in your opinion? - Then what do you think I should have done?!

Haruka Second Trial Voice Drama

9:03 (Nine minutes and three seconds in)

As I thought. Warden-san, you're not my mother at all. "Huh? Never have been." Yeah... Yeah, right, everyone only has one mother. The mother who never looked at me wasn't my mother either. "What are you saying?" Heheheh, hahahaha...! "You're pretty scary, you know." Haa... I'm sorry, warden-san. For causing you trouble.

"What an odd thing to say even if I'm the one saying that. Being imprisoned being restrained even being interrogated like this too-"

Futa's First Trial Voice Drama

10:46s (Ten minutes and forty-six seconds in.)

Last words...? Oi, Es! "What is it?" Why were you laughing? "Hm?" You did so at the very beginning! You evaded my question by saying, "I was just thinking to myself"- Didn't you? I've been feeling restless ever since- That really gave me the creeps ya know?! "Oh, that. It's because you're the first prisoner to actually act like one. To be honest, it made me a little happy. So, that might be the real reason I was so keen on teasing you." Haaaa?!

"Isn't it natural to get angry in these sorts of situations?" (Haruka's First Trial Interrogation 7:48 Seven minutes and forty-eight seconds in.) - "You're the first prisoner to actually act like one. To be honest, it made me a little happy."

Over the course of Milgram- Step by step, interrogation after interrogation we learn more about Es. Their likes, dislikes- How they show concern for others. The sort of the people they're biased towards.

Yuno's First Trial Voice Drama

7:36 (seven minutes and thirty-six minutes in)

"Yuno. On the outside, you look like you're fooling around tut on the inside, you're actually a good person." Thank you for that. You're giving me too much credit though, you know? "However, it also explains why you've given up. About yourself, human beings, even the whole of society, you've realized everything- That's why your expression is so cold." Hm, what's this? A lecture?

Q.16 Do you have anyone you hate?

Yuno: People who like to lecture you.

"Just shut it, will you? You know it all."

Like really, who do you think you are? - JUST HOW BIG OF A DEAL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!

Slowly but surely we're being shown the sort of person Es is. The same way we're being shown the sort of people the prisoners are. On their second trial cds the prisoners are given doors that they are blocking in some way.

Every door is ajar or cracked open slightly.

I believe the 000 box that Es is holding within their second trial character art serves the same purpose as the prisoners doors in their second trial cd covers. It's a doorway to the sort of person Es is,

Since the one's sat beneath them are more than likely belong to the other prisoners and they all appear to be the same colors. All black with red accents to mark them as murderers/sinners. It's possible that Es while being chosen as the guard may be a murderer themselves.

Oh wait but then what about the 011 line that Kotoko says within Deep Cover,

“UNDER” Inept “011 Guard”

Well, and I type this with joy in my heart and a smile on my face. Kotoko is misinformed, ignorant, and completely incorrect about how these numbers work. Similarly to Futa- Kotoko is a character that is used to poke fun at the assumptions and behaviors of the audience.

In her case she makes fun of the audiences habits including my own of running with our own assumptions regardless of what the story tells us.

It's like Yuno said,

"Really? If you ask me, Kotoko is someone I would never want to make my friend though. She's the type who picks a conclusion from the very beginning and won't actually talk to you."

Kotoko is the sort to pick the answer she likes the most and run with. Simply ignoring anything else that may contradict her preconceived notions. Instead of compromising she's more likely to just blame everyone else around her for not falling in line with her way of doing things. Say things like people are always like this, it always goes this way etc- Without ever wondering since it's always going that way for her then maybe perhaps this may just be a her issue and there's something that she needs to work on within herself.

Naw it's society that's wrong. She's not an entitled individual that fully believes that everything in the world should bend to her whims and anyone that doesn't listen to her the voice of reason can't even be considered human.

Nothing would imply that.

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama 10:15s (ten minutes and fifteen seconds in)

How ridiculous... It's always like this... All you weaklings always act like this... All you enjoy seeing someone getting hurt... "Might be so." All of you enjoy seeing a bad person falling down... "Can't deny." You keep asking for it but as soon as it happens near you by your own choice, you all start complains and evading your responsibility-

Lol, literally no one asked you to do this. Literally no one. How I did it for you ass people get when someone goes when did I ask you to though? "Why are you people always trying to evade responsibility for what you had/made me do?"

You're always like this... Always such idiots! I acknowledge it. You're the strong one and we're weak. You're right. But that's how we are. You have no power, and yet you make no effort to gain it! You're talking about justice, but it just doesn't make sense! You're invested in people's disasters, yet you take a position of "I have nothing to do with it"! You can't even face your true selves!

Deep Cover

Swaying to and fro? Laughable justice So ridiculous, isn’t it ridiculous-

"The scale tilts to and fro, I yearn to be found “GUILTY” but it tilts towards, find me “INNOCENT”."

"Can’t stay away- Please don’t forgive me." - "What do you mean INNOCENT, if this is my punishment- Now I see, this world is cruel and merciless."

"Should I knock on the door?" - "So ridiculous, isn’t it ridiculous- They’re still here, still here, it grates me."

The swinging to and fro comment that Kotoko makes is more a reference to Shidou's second trial song and the way the audience dictates the verdicts. Swinging to and fro going up and down in percentage points.

Pretty much how the Milgram voting system works.

So, Kotoko doesn't have to be talking about Es in Deep Cover at all. In fact it would make more sense if she was talking about the audience.

Deep Cover as a song already directly references Undercover. If Kotoko saw Es' video than she should know that their number is 000. As we went over just a few paragraphs back Es' music video does nothing to hide that fact.

Now if she just heard the song that's a different story but given some of the observations she makes and the fact we know that she was hiding out in the interrogation room during extractions from Mikoto's first voice drama- Possibly making him the only person she did not see the first trial video of since Es had her leave the room before the extraction began. Though she seems to reference it just fine in Deep Cover. So, she probably still saw it.

However, he getting the numbering system from Es' video would explain why she's using three digits instead of two. Since no one would automatically assume that a group lower than a hundred would be numbered in the three digits. Usually they'd assume it'd go 1-10 straight no added zeros or how Es says it in the voice dramas,

Futa's Second Voice Drama

"Careful with your words, Prisoner no.03."

Haruka's First Voice Drama

"Got that. Listen carefully, prisoner number one."

In most instances Es hasn't even really used the extra zero themselves. It is unlikely that Kotoko got that information from general conversation. Meaning that she's either seen the visuals to get that information or completely wild assumption she just ordered the CDs to Milgram and has been listening to them all.

Since the numbers are also on those. As well as on certain promotional material,

Yet, even then 000 is on Es' own cd cover not in the center like with the other prisoners but it's there right on the left none the less,

Kotoko would have to be really bad at gathering information to miss all the things that plainly state that's Es' number is not 011- Or more than likely she was referring to the audience/voters like many other prisoners were during this trial.

Now, let's talk about the 00b used within this post. As we've gone over I'm not using the traditional numbering system. The number system I'm using is the one in the save file names for the character art on the Milgram website.

Es' character art on the website is literally named character_solo_sp_ character_00b and Jackalopes character art has the label character_solo_sp_ character_00a.

This continues to highlight what Jackalope has said about this being his Milgram and puts him firmly above Es,

This is a good time to note that the prisoners from this point forward will be numbered based on how they were in their character art file.

But the promotional images and even the cd covers use three digits. So, why don't you- This is funny. It's funny and it's new information. I don't need any other reason than the fact that I just want to honestly. Plus it's an easier way to cement the information to memory for me.

Now from this information I've begun to speculate that Kotoko may not have actually gotten a good look at the other prisoners music videos. That she is in fact going off of the assumptions of the audience. That it might be possible prisoners not only hear what the audience is saying about them but others as well.

Tying into what Kotoko said about knowing this is what the audience as well as Es wanted but now both want to act like they had nothing to do with it.

There's no reason that this couldn't be a situation of both these things happening and she not only saw the music videos but heard the audiences desires in regards to other prisoners. It's just some of the things she states in Deep Cover are so surface level that I find it hard to believe that she really got a good look at the information herself. If most of the information she has gathered is from the audience and her own observations from living with the others... It would explain why she wouldn't be aware of this other numbering system.

Since it's something directly related to the Milgram website and her circle of information begins and ends within the Milgram facility.

Unlike Futa who had QR codes throughout his second video linking directly to the websites voting page. Implying he for sure knows about the website. Something that has yet to be explained. Personally I haven't seen anyone discussing the file names of the images from the website. It certainly may not have been discussed enough for the staff to find it necessary to add into the story in any noticeable way as of now.

Meaning there's a good chance that info just wouldn't have come across Kotoko's radar yet. I don't doubt she'd know about the three digit system because it's quite literally plastered everywhere.

Either way she'd still be referring to someone else because the audience has known Es is 000 since Undercover the song her second trial one pays homage to. If she knows enough about Es' song to directly reference it than it would make sense for her to know their number too.

One could posit that Kotoko made Es eleven based on the b part which would make Jackalope the first zero. This could also be a clever attempt on her part to position Es as beneath herself. Since she's literally last in line every other prisoner is above her numerically. Something that she could find grating. This would continue her parralels with Futa and Haruka who both seem to get upset at things like that as well,

"Can I be your favorite this time?" - "Pressure, pressure! Whatever you do, you’re still last in line."

"They’re still here, still here, it grates me."

Besides the 000 box this red is predominantly associated with Milgram. As it is the same red used throughout the website. Meaning this could allude to Es being consumed by their work/losing themselves in the job as well.

The fact that the color most heavily associated with guilt is what was chosen as their predominant accent color could allude to how they've begun to view themselves over the course of Milgram due to the choices they've cosigned and the results that followed. The sparse green on the shoes possibly being representative of their good intentions and putting their best foot forward from the position they're in.

The fact that they had many areas to accent and choose to put as little of the innocent color in as possible and even add the red to inside of the cape says a good deal about the intent to me.

However, when mixed with Es' expression in the art it only becomes more apparent.

Gone is the anger of their second trial character art as they have a expression of uncertainty. Their eyes wavering as though trying to stand firm to their own choices while doubting if they were correct.

This issue was alluded to during the "Report on the end of Second Trial",

You’re afraid that your decisions are going to lead to something that you can’t take back?

"Hm, I see......how absolutely ridiculous. There is nothing in this world that you CAN take back. Not just in MILGRAM. You can’t turn back time. And anyway, whatever happens to them, none of it can be taken back. It’s not for the guard to worry about."

Anywho- on to prisoner 01!

So many pictures for Es alone well I guess that means no one else is getting a lot. Unfortunate but the others should be more straight forward.

01 Haruka

Wow, it sure would suck to be given affection just to have it taken away. That certainly would be a cruel and unusual form of punishment. Especially if the person being treated in that way stated upon first meeting them that they were wary of that happening to them again,

Haruka First Voice Drama

"I-I shouldn't get too i-involved with people in the first place. Even with all the prisoners they might misunderstand. It's no good."

Why is that? Just do as you please. The bonds we share with people are the very thing that shows our human nature, that's what I believe.

"It's something, I can't even tell you, prison guard!"

Even to me?

"You shouldn't get too close to me. Bringing misfortune to people is the only thing I'm naturally good at. The more you know about me- I'm sure I'll bring misfortune onto you as well, prison guard."

Haruka.

"Because! Because... Ah, I'm sorry... For just talking by myself."

Continue.

"It'll happen sometime. I... I... Even though I try to be normal, everything gets ruined."

"You, everyone, if you knew me... If you knew everything that I did... I'm... I'm gonna be abandoned. That's bound to happen."

So wary in fact that one could very well consider his current circumstances a self-fulfilling prophecy. Ah, no- did I say current circumstances... My mistake-

Luckily, that didn't occur at all.

That's what I meant to say. Because that definitely didn't happen. I mean how many people would so willingly walk into such an obvious trap? I mean really- If everyone else was jumping off a cliff would that make any of you want to join them?

This is the bandwagon mentality dragged to light over the course of Milgram. A lot of the time it doesn't matter how realistic the concerns stated are.

Say for example,

What if character x hurts y?

What if the relationship between these two characters is unhealthy?

What if the choices I cosigned lead me to a situation I can't take back?

Silly concerns like that doesn't make a person more or less justified in their opinion. It's valid for anyone to think or believe anything on a situation they become aware of regardless of how little or how much they know. To ask a person not to think is the same as asking them not to exist at all.

Yet, when people assert those thoughts onto others and try to dictate how a stranger exists. Well, that's the line between an individual and society, right? At that point it's best to live at the behest of the majority no matter how incremental that majority is. It's only fair that a system puts the will of the many over the will of the few.

It's unfortunate isn't it?

Seeing what being a part of the minority feels like. To a lot of people Milgram will be their first and possibly only taste of that frustration.

The sort of frustration one feels when losing in a game, a work of fiction- Yet, would easily belittle those for feeling in regards to real world decisions that may possibly have a great negative effect on a many people.

Thinking back on every loss in Milgram. Every character that one may have wanted innocent that wound up guilty. Each one some may have wanted guilty that wound up innocent. The way many may have pushed for their desired outcome, the echo chambers created to circulate the same information over and over more easily, the fussing over what comparisons to real life forms of discrimination are okay and which are not.

All the while everyone is still compared the material to real life issues that suited their egos more. Issues that served to frame the actions presented as something the character acting them out had no choice in. Something easier to sympathize with or in other cases something completely inexcusable or unforgivable. A senseless act of cruelty by an uncaring and unsympathetic character that deserves to get as good as they gave in the narrative.

Using tactics not too different from their detractors, most people who have engaged with Milgram have worked to make their voices heard in one way or another. Be it through their votes, comments, or fanworks. All using the same social issues and biases they may balk at when used under a different framing.

Isn't it cruel to recognize that some people only care about other individuals, systemic ills, and mistreatment only as far as it allows them to support themselves and no further? As long as doing so can make them feel good.

Isn't that such an immensely disheartening thing

It's a subtle self-serving aspect of every individuals ego that they can't look past. One thinks x is good because they can relate to x and if x isn't good then that means they aren't good. So, x must have been justified, there must be a good explanation for character x's actions-

Because if there's no good explanation for them what does that say about the part of us that relates to and sympathizes with them.

If this character turns out to be bad it's as if the story itself is saying the viewer is bad.

Isn't it a terrible thing when one can't see past the good they want to see in someone and view the person who is standing right in front of them. All so they can spare their own feelings. So, the viewers ego doesn't get bruised...

It's ceases to be about gaining an understanding of the person or character becoming more about validating oneself through them.

That individual or character ceases to be a construct separate from the viewer turning into an ideal to strive for a projection of the viewers own self-worth.

The thing validating their identity.

Telling them it's okay to be as they are.

So, when the reasons laid out fail to live up to the viewers interpretation they end up feeling betrayed.

In real life this mentality would lead to the people being treated this way feeling forced to walk on eggshells in order to keep being good in that person's eyes out of fear of being discarded. Behaviors that they may want to change become hard to break because they can't be sure how that person will feel about them if they change. They try to keep a good distance from people because what if someone learns too much and doesn't want to be around them because of it. It cultivates insecurity in every action and thought.

Truly it's a lucky thing nothing like that occurred here-

Let's face the reality though.

The world is uncaring and merciless. People have the right to their feelings. Even the negative ones. Once someone is let down they have the right to show and discuss that disappointment within reason. There's no good reason to verbally berate or emotionally abuse another person disappointment or not.

If showing that disappoint means things are over,

"Are we over? Please don’t answer."/ "I imagined that you saying "See you" is the same as "It's over”."

That person who once saw the best of them can only see the worse,

"Tell me, why are you drifting away from me? Tell me, why do you say it’s my fault?" / "If you don’t hug me, even our hearts will start drifting apart."/ "Hug me again as you once did."

If there's no way to proceed so things need to end,

"You won’t be forgiven, it was stupid licking each other’s wounds. Justice assemble! Till the end!" - "I swear! I'm going to be a good girl now! That's it!"

"You already knew, the whole time- You can’t escape, how do you like the taste of punishment?"/ "After you cry, repent, and kneel, it’s now your turn to say that hopeless “I’m sorry”. You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already. Remember MY cries, MY repents, MY words of “I’m sorry” that I said to you?"/ Fuck it! Don’t you think so? You won’t be forgiven, a coward, never!

If hatred ends up growing there,

"If you’re going to make me the villain- It’s ok to ignore me."/ "“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"

"Hey, what if- If I am a bad girl? Don’t hate me. Don’t even try to proof from “After Pain”."/ "All those ridiculous accusations- Hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it? Ahhh, It’s the same anywhere I go! It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong!"/ "Hold on. It’s not my fault- You knew it, right?"/ "All I did was dream, so you find me INNOCENT, it’s that simple right?"/ "I am innocent as everybody desires I am relieved, I am always the drama queen."

If something occurs that can't be taken back.

"“Throw down” the invitation that I can’t take back. Lying, replacing with hope."/ "If it damaged someone’s dream to the point of stopping it. I want gouge you out with my fangs."

Those sorts of experiences are just as much life as anything other ones are.

They're not something to run away from or attempt to avoid. They're just experiences and not all of them have to be eternal for them to hold meaning. Sometimes there's eternity in the transient. That's why when people pass away they don't suddenly matter any less to the lives of the people they touched.

To expect a person's opinion not to change, the past not to follow any of us, is to run from the fullness of ourselves. Our own existence.

The simple truth is when people are presented with troubling, overwhelming things they panic, worry, and look for the path of least resistance. Our brains don't immediately slow to a crawl, panic not ensuing giving us an abundance of time to think things over and lead us to the perfect outcome.

A solution that can work for everyone. Sometimes we can only do our best with the limited time we're given.

In the same vein there are things in life that are unacceptable regardless of someone's personal reasons for committing to a course of action. Everyone has a line a breaking point and even if it's not unforgivable in the eyes of society it may still be unforgivable to the person who committed the deed.

On that note, Haruka why on earth do you have a sword?

I mean certainly you threatened to end your own life but hara-kiri isn't the way my guy. They cut people's heads off for seppuku out of mercy. Disemboweling oneself is not a fun pastime. Put the sword down and let's talk this out.

Immensely cumbersome blade one to use for that too. You positive you don't want to at least get a boxcutter from the storage closet or your close friend Mu?

All poor taste stress jokes aside- He's really doesn't seem to be holding that offensively.

The series has been foreshadowing Haruka's threats of self-harm from the beginning of the second trial. The design chosen for the cyberpunk inspired karaoke collaboration manages to invoke that imagery in a subtle new way while still eliciting the same emotion from the observers as say his timelines over the course of the second trial,

24/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ––Hey, are you really ok with this? If you come with me, there’s a chance you can be saved too…… Haruka.

Haruka: Yeah…… I’ve made my mind up. I have, something, that I have to do.

Futa: Ah, is that right…… Haruka, you know, you’re an idiot. There’s no way…… that will save you……

Haruka: Yeah, thank you. I’m glad you came to talk to me, Futa. Um, thank you, for being so kind. Really. But, I’m sorry. This is all I’m able to do……

I don't want to spend too much time harping on such a stressful plot point.

Especially one that's been hung over the audiences head for far too long at this point in my opinion. Though it felt a bit rude to just outright ignore the implications.

Now with that acknowledged indulge me as we step down a different avenue.

That avenue being the coloring of Haruka's outfit within this colab.

I find it interesting that they used a color associated with Mu for the inner lining of his clothing. Circling back to that first voice drama for a bit... Let's take a lookback to discuss Mu and Haruka's relationship over the series.

In Haruka's first voice drama he says,

"The ones who often talk to me are Yuno and Mahiru, and uh Mikoto."

Then he goes on to add Futa and Mu,

"Also, Futa. He's a little scary but he pays attention to me. I sometimes to speak to Mu as well."

It's funny to see how things have progressed since then. Mu was the very last person Haruka mentioned. He put so many other people before her back then- But now she's kind of become all he talks and thinks about.

23/04/07

Haruka: Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. PleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-san

Then despite the fact that Mu is younger than him he refers to her as san. Though it seems Haruka refers to everyone as san. So, that isn't too weird.

Wait hold on- Except for Futa who he refers to as kun. I- what the hell Haruka???

20/06/28

Futa: You said you don’t play any games, right? Do you not watch league or premier either?

Haruka: E-eh, I, I don’t understand, what that is…… That… uh, “leeg”?

Futa: Huh!? It’s international soccer. It’s normal for guys your age to know stuff like that. What a pain… I really have nothing to talk to you about, huh. Even though we’re around the same age. Also don’t speak to me so formally. It’s gross.

Haruka: Ah, e-excu-, I don’t, I uh… got it…… Futa… kun……

21/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Haruka: U-uh, um, Futa-kun! Um! Um!!

Futa: Huh? Shut up already… Didn’t I already say not to make a big fuss about my birthday. I’m not some kid who gets excited by stuff like that anymore!

Haruka: ……?? Ah, er, i-is it your birthday……? Th-that, ah, um, h-happy birthday……

Futa: ………… You will tell nobody about this conversation.

Though that seems to be only because Futa voiced discomfort with Haruka being so formal with him. Well... Except for the fact he goes from referring to him as kun to just not using any honorifics at all trial two. Um... What the hell? Pardon?

24/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ––Hey, are you really ok with this? If you come with me, there’s a chance you can be saved too…… Haruka.

Haruka: Yeah…… I’ve made my mind up. I have, something, that I have to do.

Futa: Ah, is that right…… Haruka, you know, you’re an idiot. There’s no way…… that will save you……

Haruka: Yeah, thank you. I’m glad you came to talk to me, Futa. Um, thank you, for being so kind. Really. But, I’m sorry. This is all I’m able to do……

Fucking Yuno going to using no honorifics for Mu to using them vs Haruka going from using them for Futa to not.

Haruka has that Zantetsu from Blue Lock "Hey only my friends can call me stupid." mindset.

Haruka with Es in his second voice drama,

"Shut up-!"

Ngh!

"GUH!"

I hit you as punishment for being an idiot! Maybe this will help remind you of your original intent.

"Mmnn, nnghh! ...I'm not an idiot...!"

Yes you are, idiot! I don't dislike idiots who know their place, but as you are, you're a cocky idiot instead. Just looking at you makes me sick! Idiot, idiot!

"Ghh...! You're mean...!"

Sure I am. Anyways, right now, calm down, Haruka. Your past self would've been a lot more cooperative right now.

"Fshh... *sniffle*..."

Don't call me stupid you're mean guard! You're a meanie! You're a jerk I hate you- I can kill anything smaller than me ya know!

Meanwhile Futa standing at 5'4ft (165cm) to his 5'7ft (174cm) "You know, you're an idiot." Haruka, "Yeah, thank you."

Alright, friendship is magic actually.

Great job you two. Great job- Round of applause for them. Because this is such subtle character work that's honestly impressive and easy to overlook.

Now back to the really overt shit.

By that I mean the,

"This is all I'm able to do..."

Foreshadowing that he's going to try to kill again because in All Knowing All Agony they literally show this is all I'm able to do over and over again as he's committing murder.

Oddly enough DoctorBunny and I were discussing this for completely unrelated reasons.

So, you can thank him for this explanation.

It's, "kore shika nai no" 'I have no other choice than this'/'I can only do this'

"This is all I’m able to do……" - "I will keep on killing to be a good boy. I can't stop, I can't stop!"

Though it is said a bit differently in the timeline itself,

"でも、僕はこういう風にしかできないから、ごめん" Demo, boku wa kouiu fu ni shika dekinai kara, gomen. But, I can't do it in any other way, I'm sorry.

Even so the same allusion can be seen.

In a way this makes it feel as though the only reason Mu and Haruka grew as close as they did was because everyone else he was speaking to had no time to do so after the first trial.

Mikoto became like that. Displaying mannerisms that Haruka admits to finding scary. Using how fear inducing Mikoto's behavior was as an excuse for why he didn't approach him until the intermission ended. Futa was having difficulties as well...

However it doesn't seem as though he was outright avoiding Haruka. Instead he seems to have been keeping a little more to himself while he tried to get a grasp on his own issues. In his attempt to tackle the issues he was facing due to his guilty verdict Futa wound up being comforted and motivated by Amane when she approached him during that difficult period.

In the same way Mu approached Haruka after their verdicts were decided,

21/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday.

Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad……

Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you.

Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

22/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: Ahh…… I’m not wrong…… I wasn’t doing anything wrong…… Shut up, why are you going on an on about something so minor…… It has nothing to do with you…… Aaahhh……

Amane: Oh, were you talking to yourself, Futa-san? Or maybe there’s something there you’re able to see?

Futa: ……! O-oh, it’s just you. It’s nothing. ……but well, on that note. Hey. Don’t you have anything happening too? Since being in here, just suddenly getting anxious. Feeling as though loads of people are all there condemning you, telling you you were wrong.

Amane: ……I’m fine. I don’t know what you’ve done or what it is you’re worried about, but I think if there’s something you believe in, you should stay true to it. It’s not something that should waver just because other people said something. I personally don’t plan on changing my own beliefs even if I’m told I’m wrong either…… ……today is your birthday, correct? I’ll pray for God to keep you under his care.

So, Mu and Amane both approached Futa and Haruka at a time that they were both isolated and vulnerable. Many people discuss how Amane's character dissects the recruiting habbits of cults and religious groups. Yet, it's hardly discussed how Mu's characterization dissect the clique behavior of school settings.

The habit of kids taking advantage of each other by giving attention to isolated individuals within a class in return for favors. Help with difficult things. Such as someone giving the smart kid who isn't that well liked a bit of attention just so they'll maybe let that person copy off of their homework because they feel indebted to them.

Popular girls going up to new students then telling them who they should talk to and shouldn't in order to continue ostracizing certain students. Though I think a lot of people aren't at the point to discuss the cult like dynamics that take place within school settings and they way students prey upon each other within them. I'm just bringing this up because it aligns with the point being discussed.

That being Mu and Amane approached both of these guys very sneakily where others were less likely to intervene and then we rarely saw them talk to anyone else for a good stretch of time. Mu is dissuading people from going in and checking on Haruka guaranteeing that she has everything under control and is taking care of him. Kotoko is doing nothing to stop whatever he has planned and the only person who has actively attempted to convince him there's another way is someone he's fine ignoring the input of outright because he's sure he'll respect his decision even if he disagrees with it.

As well as him repeatedly stating he's doing what he's doing for Mu's sake not his own.

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?

Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I……

Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently.

Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

"I promise! A good girl that keeps a promise is like, mwah!"/ "I just want to be your good boy. I will keep on killing to be a good boy."

"I promise to make my dreaMU come true."

Yep, nothing similar about these two situations at all. It's only wrong to do things like this when religion is attached to it actually. There are no other circumstances where this behavior would be questionable. It's like people are more comfortable with scrutinizing religious beliefs that deviate from their norms more than actually interrogating exploitative practices.

Noooo that couldn't be- That's definitely not the case. If that were true then an adult women with the right to choose how she practices religion and raises her child for herself would be considered more of a victim than the child she was abusing. Because life is hard, raising a child by oneself is lonely, and cults exploit people at their most vulnerable. So, she'd be a victim too. Hell probably even considered more of a victim than the child by some.

Because it's easier to blame religious beliefs more than reckon with someone's consistent commitment and active choice to be their worst self. Acting like the religion was in the house with her when she decided to waterboard her daughter, go out to buy that taser, and choose not to abuse her daughter as heavily when her husband the pastor was home.

Meanwhile Mu is over here saying,

"God gave me everything, everything is as I wish."

That has nothing to do with religion though. She's just feeling herself a bit too much she doesn't really believe that god gave her everything and anyone that goes against her god given right to rule deserves to be crushed. What would give that implication.

Sorry, got sidetracked there for a bit...

My main point was Futa was having his own difficulties and to his admission later had very little time or energy to spend concerning himself with someone else. Considering how Haruka has moved from using kun to no honorifics at all it doesn't seem like either was outright avoiding the other.

It makes me wonder how these relationships would have developed if both Futa and Mu were innocent trial one, if Futa was innocent and Mu guilty, or what if Haruka, Futa, Mu, and Amane were all innocent or guilty. If both Futa and Mu were innocent alongside Haruka I could see them both taking a familial role in when it came to Haruka. Possibly making it a bit more balanced. If they were all guilty that would be incredibly interesting.

Looking into it further is making me wonder if at that point Haruka would be pleading with the warden to change their mind. Despite what he said at the beginning. Would his fear of children get worse. Would Mu have become more reliant on Haruka instead. Those sort of things.

It seems to have strained Haruka's relationship with Mikoto the most. I wonder if they were both guilty at the start if he'd have approached him more. Futa is a bit easier to discern. Since he flat out states trial two he has no time to worry about Haruka because he's not a kid. Yet, given he's the first to show concern later when he stops leaving his room this doesn't seem to be the complete truth.

His disinterest in looking after Haruka may have been his concern with his own wellbeing, him not being a kid, or simply the fact that he wasn't guilty. All Futa could see was Haruka having a good time because Haruka to his own admission was having a good time. He told Mikoto this when speaking to him on his birthday and reiterated it in his second trial interrogation through blatantly stating,

Q.03 Do you want to leave Milgram?

Haruka: I want to stay here forever.

Certainly he could just be focused on Amane due to the fact that she is the youngest there and the most in need of help. Yet, at the same time he showed concern for Mikoto who was going through similar things as he was as well warning him that it would only get worse. He also avoided speaking poorly about Kotoko in his second trial voice drama blaming her behavior solely on Es using her.

Futa has consistently tried to sympathize with individuals he's convinced himself are going through the same things as he has or is going through. It's easy to brush that off by going Haruka isn't a kid so he's not concerned- but it's telling that as soon as Haruka starts displaying mannerisms that implies he may have been voted guilty Futa is the first to go and ask if he's okay.

So, it's difficult to say if he concern towards Amane is just because she's younger than him or due to them going through similar things. Regardless of the reasons Futa's view of Haruka has changed. He's begun to view him less as someone who needs his help now possibly seeing him as an equal or someone competent enough to hold their own by themselves.

Not a person in need of coddling or favoritism. Not a pitiable weakling in need of love,

"I’m so lonesome, please love me."

In contrast we've yet to see how he views Amane now. They haven't engaged at all since the end of trial two.

23/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ……! Oi, is it just you. Don’t scare me like that. You shouldn’t just stand there saying nothing. Hah, what? Did you just come to laugh at me for being weak? Dumb brat.

Amane: No. I just came to observe. To see what people are thinking. To see who is being corrupted. What about you, Kajiyama Futa?

Futa: I understand even less of what you’re saying than I did before. Brat, you’re on the side who weren’t forgiven too, right? ……so why can you still stand. Don’t you can hear it too? The voices blaming us. ……I don’t have the energy to do anything like this.

Amane: It goes without saying. Because there’s something far more important than the voices of people we can’t even see. People are able to get back up again. As long as there’s something to guide them. Kajiyama Futa, by coincidence today happens to be your birthday, correct? Don’t you think it’s a good opportunity to be reborn? If, right now, you could shake off those around you trying to drag you down to depravity, and could change––

Since this moment the two of them haven't spoken in a timeline. There's been implications of them still communicating but they've mostly been highlighted speaking to other prisoners. We've yet to see how their dynamic has evolved over the course of trial two. Though we've seen that Futa has recognized Amane as someone going through the same thing as him.

Someone that can actually get fired up over the same things he does and understand what he's been going through. Not only that he recognized her as someone who faced what he couldn't and kept standing even after Kotoko's attacks. Since they share a similar mindset when it comes to apologies and rules.

Ultimately, Futa for reasons could no longer view Haruka and Mikoto in the same way he did within his trial one voice drama,

"Ah, Haruka and Mikoto are completely useless by themselves. I really have to take the lead with them."

They're no longer people in need of his help that were helpless on their own. Mikoto was able to stand up to and fend off Kotoko. Someone Futa couldn't handle himself. Haruka was able to be voted innocent something else Futa couldn't manage to do on his own.

Due to that innocent verdict Haruka grew more confident and assured. Maybe it was due to that newfound confidence he wound up gravitating towards certain people and distancing himself from others.

A change from his first trial because during that he was putting in more of an effort to get along with most of the prisoners. Though he was clearly uncomfortable around Amane and Kotoko. He still made an effort around them and in some cases those efforts paid off. Near the beginning of trial two Haruka makes it clear he'd been avoiding Mikoto.

This is a pretty big change from his first trial. Then he tells the audience this during his second trial interrogation,

Q.11 Which of the other prisoners do you get along with least?

Haruka: I don’t dislike Amane any more. I’m not scared of small children now.

Haruka states that he was scared of Mikoto but he no longer dislikes Amane because he's not scared of small children anymore. Instead he's now scared of an adult who encouraged him to work on his communication skills more,

20/06/05

Haruka: Ah…… ah, u-um, Mikoto-san. The c-communication……? thing, that you were saying was important. I-I thought, I’d give it my best…… Um, so, Mikoto-san, what’s your favourite food……?

Mikoto: Ooh? Nice going, Haru-kun~ Yeah, we still have no idea how long this lifestyle will go on for, so it’s best if we all get along together here. My favourite food…… I like pasta and horse-meat sashimi. Also bubble tea, and recently I’ve been big on custard puddings. What about you?

Haruka: ……ah, I, I wonder…… H-hamburg steak, and omurice, a-and also…… what else? Ah. Cotton candy……

Mikoto: C-cotton candy!? That’s the first time I’ve met someone who has that in their top three favourites!? ……man, Haru-kun, you really are hilarious.

"If I tried and couldn’t say it, you would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”."

something similar to what he was complaining about being unable to do in Weakness. Now Haruka's discomfort and fear around Mikoto could be due to him going a bit out of control during the intermission as Mikoto claimed. However, it isn't particularly difficult to see how Haruka could be projecting his issues with his parental figures onto Mikoto as well.

In the same way he's begun to consider Mu his mother he could see his abusive father within Mikoto. Similarly to how Kotoko's form of punishment may have reminded Amane of her own mother. Playing into how Haruka is looking to make his mother proud and Amane is looking to make her father proud.

As well as why we see both Mu attempt to mirror Shidou's caretaking behavior towards Mahiru with Haruka. In order to cement her importance and show her usefulness. In a way do what Shidou has done and prove that she's indispensable in her own right. Prove that she's just as needed as him because she's the only one who can take care of Haruka right? No one else can.

Presenting this parallel between Shidou and Mu while having Haruka refer to her as his mother draws to attention Shidou's own attempts to take on a paternal role when it comes to Amane. It's as though regardless of whatever option is chosen Milgram is recreating the circumstances and validating the mindsets that led the characters to offend to begin with.

Once Haruka had been assured and gained some confidence he separated himself from people who seemingly had a lower standing than him and gravitated more towards those with the same one. This is even reflected in his statement on the attacks trial two,

Q.09 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks?

Haruka: Scary- But aren’t they all the people you thought were bad?

A sentiment that mirrors Mu. Despite everything those people have done for him. Mahiru even being the first person to wish him happy birthday within the prison. Despite those trial one moments the audience never sees Haruka attempt to reach out to Futa, Mahiru, or Mikoto during the first trial intermission.

Even though prior to their verdicts he had recognized that they were there for him and had reached out to speak to them with ease.

He uses Mikoto being scary as an excuse for his negligence when it came to checking in on him but he didn't check in on Futa either. Mahiru was and is still to our knowledge injured and he hasn't checked on her once.

Yet, he did make sure to check in on a certain someone who has remained innocent,

21/09/02 (Yuno’s Birthday)

Haruka: Y-Yuno-san. Good morning! T-today’s your birthday, right……? Ha-happy birthday……!!

Yuno: Oooh…… Thanks? You’ve definitely changed a bit huh, Haruka. You speak a little louder now, and actually look people in the eyes when you talk.

Haruka: Eh, ah, i-is that so…… I wasn’t, aware of it myself, but…… Heh, hehe. Is that so.

Yuno: Ding ding! My sensor is telling me…… this is probably a girl’s influence. Well, everyone here is slowly changing, I guess. Even me.

Ahn, while I'm here throwing people under buses lets hit the gas a little harder.

For someone uninterested in their own age he sure remembered Yuno and Kotoko's birthday's rather easily. And you know what let's turn that bus into a semitruck for someone not interested in his own age he certainly remembered his own birthday just fine-

20/06/22  (Haruka’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……*sigh*……

Mahiru: Haruka-chaaan, come over here a bit! I’m looking up everyone’s horoscopes right now to check our compatibility~ What’s your star sign~?

Haruka: Ah, erm…… s-star sign……? I-I don’t know. Can’t remember…… B-but, my birthday’s June…… 22nd…… I think, that was it……

Mahiru: Ok then. June 22nd is Cancer, so…… A kind person who prioritises their feelings, and…… hm? That’s today!? June 22nd! You should have told us~ Happy birthday~!

Haruka: Huh? Ah, yeah…… Th-thank you…… very…… much…… hehe……

Like not even gonna hold anybody up Haruka has every prisoner's birthday who he cares about memorized.

20/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……Kazui-san…… um…… Are you, happy…… on your birthday……?

Kazui: Hm? If I’m being honest, at this age I don’t really think much about birthdays any more. But…… it can be nice to have as a means to start something. Like, for a friend you haven’t seen in a long while, it’s a good excuse to suddenly start up a conversation, you know? Being able to hear from a bunch of people like that makes it fun.

Haruka: I-is that, so…… That’s… nice…… I’m, kind of… jealous. But, I’d also, want to hear from people…… e-even if, there isn’t a reason……

Kazui: Haha, but it can’t always be like that. You know, for us adults…… we always want a reason or an excuse for everything. ……hm? Wait, is today my birthday? So is that why you went out of your way to talk to me yourself for once, Haruka?

To the point he wished Kazui a happy birthday when Kazui didn't even know it was his birthday himself. Mahiru got that information and Haruka kept notes. This is literally Kazui's first birthday interaction.

The only way Haruka would know this is from what Mahiru did.

So like he could've checked in on any of the guilty prisoners or wished them a Happy Birthday he chose not to. Well every prisoner's except Futa's whose birthday he did not bother to remember considering their interaction on,

21/04/19  (Futa’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……?? Ah, er, i-is it your birthday……? Th-that, ah, um, h-happy birthday……

And how when he doesn't even wish him happy birthday during the timeline on April 19, 2024. Instead they just talk about if he's really okay with this.

So, some characters simply don't remember the birthdays of certain prisoners.

Now there is a chance that series decided there were more pertinent moments to highlight over the intermission outside of those. That wouldn't change the fact that the series has shown Haruka forgetting Futa's birthday once and he didn't wish him Happy Birthday during the timeline this year either. Making it more likely he simply forgot again.

Something that is implied to have happened with Mikoto on Kazui's birthday. Since Kazui has to straight up tell him it's his birthday. As well as the fact that the series has been pretty good at implying when more than one person has told a character happy birthday. As shown with Mikoto. maybe the canon decided it wasn't important to overtly display that and instead just imply it which may be the case with Futa.

Then there's that timeline I keep bringing up but not showing where Haruka does blatantly admit he's been avoiding Mikoto,

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……?

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…… haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

It's even implied he remembered Mikoto's birthday in this timeline. Sure, maybe that is wishful thinking on Mikoto's part. However, given Haruka's timing in the past and his consistency I don't think he's forgotten.

Mikoto may not be able blame him but I can.

His behavior over the course of the first trial intermission and during the beginning of trial two can come off as cocky and full of himself. As Es aptly put it he went from an idiot who knew his place to a cocky idiot. Due to his innocent verdict he went from believing he was wrong to boldly stating,

"I wasn’t wrong, I wasn’t wrong."

Is it really surprising that he'd want to be around people of his own standing when this is his mindset.

Of course he wasn't making too much time or trying to be seen with people who were deemed in the wrong or losers. He's better than that. Es and the audience said he was better than that. That he wasn't wrong. All of them collectively extended forgiveness and understanding to him. Then like the old saying goes,

"Give people an inch and they'll take a mile."

He took a mile and ran with it right alongside Mu,

"I am innocent as everybody desires. I am relieved, I am always the drama queen. It’s not my fault."

Whatever happens to the people who weren't found innocent isn't their problem. I mean those are all people Es found bad and they saw them as good. So, they must be right about that too.

Q.09 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks?

Haruka: Scary but aren’t they all the people you thought were bad?

Q.10 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks?

Mu: It seems pretty rough. But the people getting punished are the ones the guard said they wouldn’t forgive, right? So isn’t it fair enough?

To question Es' judgment for them is to doubt their own innocence.

Meaning, Es has to be right for them to be right.

For that to be the case then the attacks have to be justified those people were wrong and they got what was coming to them. They were the scary ones not Kotoko the person the guard found innocent who jumped several people.

In fact she's someone that Haruka felt comfortable confiding his plan in. Someone he had no issue going up and conversing with after everything that was done. Because she's innocent and if the guard found her good like him then she must be good.

It's only natural for him to confide in her especially since she's so close to guard after all.

I mean,

22/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Kotoko: ……Mukuhara Kazui. Thanks to you, I wasn’t able to properly serve justice to those who did something unforgivable. I’m currently acting as an agent for our prison guard Es. Don’t get in my way next time.

Kazui: Oi oi, don’t be silly, Yuzuriha-chan. There’s no way I could just look away from your outrageous display of violence. Anyway, even disregarding the fact violence against those voted guilty isn’t a part of Milgram’s system, what you’re doing is just acting recklessly based on a broad interpretation. As long as I’m free myself, I’ll stop you.

Kotoko: ……what a pointless argument. Hmph. Since Es forgives you, I have no choice but to forgive you myself too. If you to keep to your words, then you’d best do what you can to keep being forgiven. If you’re not, then next time you’ll be one of my targets.

Kazui: Oh, how scary. That girl truly is frightening. ……well then, I wonder what the guard will decide to do with me. That’s the one thing I really can’t make out. Honestly…… Of course he'd tell her.

Kotoko has gone about the prison announcing that she's working directly alongside Es since the first trial intermission started. To the point that multiple people have actively brought up the questionable nature of Es' associates.

Hell, Jackalope brought up this was the case in the trial one end report-

I told you before, that she doesn't look like just anyone, but I didn't think she'd make it this far.

"It’s unprecedented for a prisoner to try to negotiate a verdict. But you decided to agree to it, good grief. I don’t know what will happen bringing an outside influence into your job. But whatever the cause, your verdict is all that matters. So you better take that in."

So, the implication that she was going around getting full of herself and presenting the idea that she was working with the guard was rather immediate. Then Jackalope, Yuno, and Futa all made it clear that Kotoko was directly associating Es and the audience while doing what she did.

Claiming that this was the will of Milgram, the guard, and her. Of course if Kotoko is on such good terms with the guard Haruka and Mu are going to try to be on good terms with her.

This leads into Kotoko being blamed for Mu's circumstances this year,

24/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: You know, I think this is all your fault really. Everyone’s on edge because you lashed out. And because of that, nobody’s paying attention to me any more. It’s kinda boring. I don’t get it.

Kotoko: ……you went out of your way to say that to my face? Aren’t you scared of me? The next target of my fangs might be you.

Mu: Why? Kotoko-san, aren’t you punishing the bad guys? I didn’t do anything wrong. And anyway, fufu, you’re talking like you’re fine too. Aren’t you gonna be not forgiven too this time? What will you do then? Start biting yourself? Fufu, that’s hilarious. I want to watch.

Kotoko: ……you’re good at provoking people. I’ll pray that you won’t be forgiven this time. When that time comes, I’ll be sure to crush you.

It was easy to blame Kotoko. Haruka and Mu thought if they just picked the right friends,

Q.18 Do you regret anything?

Mu: I think maybe I should have chosen my friends a bit more carefully.

Had the right parent, or environment-

Q.10 If you could turn back time, would you commit the same “murder”?

Haruka: I don’t know. If I was in Milgram I probably wouldn’t.

Then none of this would have happened.

It wasn't a problem with their mindsets or choices it was always an external issue outside of their control. So, of course they would believe just being alright with the right people, within the right place, not causing any trouble or giving any solid opinion on what was going on around them would only help their cases.

Q.19 Would you forgive the other prisoners?

Haruka: Yes. They all must have had their reasons.

Q.13 What do you think of the other prisoners’ voting results?

Mu: I don’t care, wouldn’t it be better to just forgive everyone? Let’s just get along.

Neither wants to rock the boat too much. Because as a lot of people like to remind us when the nail that sticks up gets hammered down. It's best to just toe the line between pitiable and competent enough to be needed.

Yet, being that doesn't get anyone attention. It doesn't make others look at them as their favorite person. Would just skirting by like that feel fulfilling enough to them? Is that sort of lifestyle something that could satisfy their egos.

"If you want to betray from jealousy."

Q.20 Did you hate the person you killed?

Haruka: I wonder if I did. I was jealous of them.

“Can I be your favorite this time?”

"I am innocent as everybody desires. I am relieved, I am always the drama queen."/ "I told you I’m queen, and it will never be changed."

Jealousy and betrayal have been themes that appear within both Haruka and Mu's stories repeatedly. The tables being turned on them, people's opinions of them changing, that inconsistency of moving from top to bottom over and over again. Even the relationship they formed within Milgram with each other is unequal.

Where from Haruka's perspective it's codependent and they're both relying on each other but from Mu's it's that of queen and servant. That of a leader and their lesser. Haruka listens to her not the other way around because,

Q.01  What do friends mean to you?

Mu: People who listen properly to what I say.

That's what friends are for after all.

My point is that both Haruka and Mu got it in their heads that Kotoko was someone special to the guard. Someone that had been given the right to act in such a way from the guard. That she was their favorite and since she was the one who did the attacks they had better not complain. Because Kotoko presented herself as being such. The guard found her innocent while knowing the proposal she had made. Of course she would make it clear to anyone in hearing range that the guard accepted her deal.

It was the only way for her to continue to differentiate herself from the others. The only thing that allowed her to believe that she wasn't like them. That she wasn't just another prisoner. That she had some control over the system. Even if all she was doing amounted to playing dress up as the deputy for a short while. The guard had still accepted her and treated her as an equal.

Nothing could change that and that made her different from all of them. She did something no one else was able to she brought the guard down to her level and made sure everyone knew it. This wasn't just about the will of the guard or Milgram but about her will as well.

During trial two a lot of prisoners attempt to replicate Kotoko's behavior to varying success. Haruka is the most overt example of this. As he attempts to imitate Kotoko's behavior and make a deal with the guard of his own for Mu's innocence.

Haruka doesn't just do this to prove that he can be the guard's favorite too that his word can hold some weight with them. He mostly does this as a last ditch effort because he's afraid of how a guilty verdict will change Mu. In the first place the only reason that Mu decided to give Haruka attention more actively directly after her innocent verdict. It wouldn't be hard for Mu to associate her innocent verdict with her change in heart towards him.

21/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday.

Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad……

Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you.

Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

Yet, everyone else who used to pay him any mind stopped doing so after they were voted guilty. So regardless of if he wants to be the guards favorite which it's implied he wants to be in All Knowing All Agony he still would have had a vested interest in avoiding Mu being guilty if he didn't want her to change on him too.

But the thing is with Haruka and Mu they're both after the same thing- Attention and they'll both do anything to get it.

24/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: You know, I think this is all your fault really. Everyone’s on edge because you lashed out. And because of that, nobody’s paying attention to me any more. It’s kinda boring. I don’t get it.

22/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me.

Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen.

Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things.

Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

So, it should be a bit concerning that Mu is talking to Kotoko about how no one is paying attention to her any longer all the while Haruka is now being shown talking to everyone but her.

"And can I just say, you really let her rile you up, don’t you? Does she touch a raw nerve or something? Oh before I forget, about Haruka Sakurai......are you sure about that “guilty” verdict? Weren’t you offered some sort of deal? I mean, not that I care. I guess that means you thought the same."

But that's a matter for another day I suppose. During Haruka's second voice drama he attempts to weaponize any positive feelings Es has towards him and the prisoners in general to sway how they'll vote on Mu's trial later on by threatening his own life. Because certainly Es wouldn't want any of the people they've grown to know in Milgram to die or get hurt if they could stop it.

That was obvious from their response to Kotoko's action.

So, if Haruka cannot threaten them directly in order to coerce the outcome he wants out of them the next best thing would be to threaten himself. If the gambit succeeded Haruka would not only have secured that Mu wouldn't change on him but he would be the favorite that Es made a deal with. He would have done something that even Kotoko could not do. Haruka would be the one who managed to sway Es' verdict not for his own benefit but for someone else's.

Haruka doing this sets up Mu and Kotoko attempting to do so again later well. As Kotoko tries to convince Es to vote everyone but her guilty and Mu attempts to convince Es to just vote everyone innocent. Both of them being far too late when it came to those requests or suggestions. Kotoko does this by attempting to persuade Es and the audience to vote everyone outside of herself guilty through Deep Cover. While in her voice drama Yonah she tries to convince Es similarly to Mu in her second trial voice drama to stop thinking so hard about all of this and just leave the judgments to her.

Mu's Second Voice Drama [Queen B]

Original Transcript

"Either way, there are prisoners much more deserving of a 'not forgive' than me, so I think you should focus your energy on those guys instead. Like, Kotoko-san has been up to no good for example. Ah, but what she did was approved by you, wasn't it?"

...You're making my blood boil.

"Anyway... I think you would do good to forgive me. Then Haruka-kun would be safe, too. Ah, actually, couldn't you just forgive everyone? Then Kotoko-san won't run amok, and you won't have to think about all the difficult stuff!"

...That is... a very enticing proposal.

My own interpretation of it,

"Either way there are prisoners much more deserving of a guilty verdict than me. So, I think you should focus your energy on those people instead. Like, Kotoko for example. She's been up to no good- Ah, but all the things she did were approved by you, weren't they?"

....You're making my blood boil.

"Anyway- I think it would be good for you to forgive me. That way Haruka would be safe too. Ah, actually- Couldn't you just forgive everyone? If you do that then Kotoko won't run amok and you won't have to think about anymore difficult stuff!"

"I mean, I personally would just say GUILTY to all of them to avoid all this hassle."

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama [YONAH] (This is literally going to just be my interpretation of what was provided.)

Have I... Failed...as a warden?

"It's alright... It's alright, Es."

Kotoko...

"Come here."

No... I- d-don-

"It's gonna be alright."

L-let me go, Kotoko...

"I know it well. It's difficult to take on the responsibility of guard all by oneself. I've felt that way too. You're such a kind person. You can barely stand after seeing how the prison has changed through the power of your judgments. You need someone by your side that you can rely on to help carry that weight. Leave all the dirty work to me."

I'm... a kind person...?

"Is your head still hurting? Don't worry. Leave it to me, together we'll be able to create the right Milgram."

I see... that Milgram... ...N-no! Let me go. Stop holding me.

"What?"

I... I'm not wrong..! [punches/hits self]

"What are you doing hurting yourself like that? Have you lost your mind?"

"Me... as a warden...imperfect? Have I- failed...as a warden?"/ "Please don’t say that I am a loser."

"Don't get ahead of yourself. It's all good and well that you've changed, but your past self just might have been smarter."

...!!!!!!

"..."

Ugh...! Why? Why, why, why are you saying things like that?!

"...!"

It's weird! you said you forgave me, Warden-san! It's weird for you to tell me that I'm wrong now!

"...!"

Arg- it's weird! It's weird!!

"Pipe down! You're hurting my ears."

...You're mean. You're so mean... I, I-I can kill anything that's smaller than me, you know!

"Hahah! You sure have developed an attitude. Go ahead and try. Idiot!"

Don't... make fun of me!

"I wasn’t wrong, I wasn’t wrong!"/ "I'm...not wrong..!"

"Mommy, look, I’ve done great “There there, my good boy!”/ "You're just like a guardian, Jackalope."/ "……You’ve finished your duty and it’s nighty night time. Okay, okay. You did a great job. You've exceeded my expectations. Good night, Es."

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama [YONAH]

If you keep up like this Milgram will turn into a huge mess!

"Even so, I've been dealing with it this whole time! I've been desperately thinking about all the prisoners including you! So, I don't think I was ever wrong! No matter what hell I turn this place into I won't run away or make someone else deal with it!"

...!

"That's what being warden means! It's my responsibility to step into you prisoners' hearts and minds! That's why it's up to me to reconsider if I continue to work with you."

Es' Voice Drama

"Got it."

"Why?" You're not gonna ask me that?

"It's that kind of thing right? I have a duty to govern this prison. Even if my memories are hazy, that's all I remember."

Heh, that's perfect.

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama [YONAH]

[sighs and scratches at head] How stupid... Ah, it's always like this. All weaklings at this way. You all enjoy seeing someone get hurt.

"Maybe so."

Revel in seeing a bad person fall.

"Can't deny."

All of you keep asking for it then as soon as it happens near you due to your own choices you all start whining and evading responsibility. You're always like this- always such idiots!

"I acknowledge it. You're the strong one and we're weak. You're right but that's how we are." / "I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling- I was in denial, I was in denial."

If Haruka is given the attention he's been begging for from the audience or any of the other prisoners it's readily apparent how competent he actually is. Despite his consistent downplaying of his abilities. He's the one prisoner within Milgram who has managed to fly under the radar and not have animosity flung towards them by any of the other prisoners.

He's managed to be on decent terms with everyone. Something that Mikoto the more outwardly sociable of them has failed to do. In fact despite Mikoto doing his best to get along with everyone he's ultimately wound up shunned and treated like a imminent threat by everyone within the prison and he's only bringing more ire his way.

Meanwhile Haruka has the concern of most of the Milgram prisoners. When he holes himself up in his room he has multiple to people asking if he's alright despite their current circumstances. Shidou even taking time away from looking over Mahiru and having beef with a child to ask Mu if he's alright.

All while still recognizing he isn't a child and someone who's decisions and privacy deserve to be respected. When he asks Kotoko to cooperate with him by looking the other way she agrees. Despite her dismissing all of Mikoto's attempts to team up since the beginning this series.

20/07/01

Mikoto: Hey, hey, Koto-chan. I’ve been thinking this ever since I first heard your name, but don’t you think the names “Mikoto” and “Kotoko” kinda sound like siblings?

Kotoko: No.

Mikoto: Don’t say that! Let’s get along well from here on as the Koto-Koto combo!

Kotoko: I’m not doing that.

23/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……please, don’t tell anyone. And also, please, don’t get involved. All I can do, is ask, you……

Kotoko: ––Fufu, fufufufufu. That’s a crazy thing to be thinking. Honestly, it’s weird. But I don’t hate it. If only all the wrongdoers were like you.

Haruka: No…… that’s wrong…… That’s not, why I’m doing, this…… This, isn’t for me…… I have to protect…… so, Kotoko-san…… please……

Kotoko: Eh? Ah, yeah, yeah. Well, I promise I won’t get in your way. Honestly, if I could, I’d love to do it myself, but I’ll step back this time. As for what happens next…… I wonder. It depends on Es.

That's some embarrassing shit right there. It's more than likely because Haruka came to Kotoko from a position of her lesser and not from the angle of an equal that led to her being so accommodating. However, there's a stark contrast between Haruka's timeline interactions trial two and Mikoto's,

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?

Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I……

Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently.

Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

23/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Futa: Oi, you. Is he ok? He’s not even left his room lately.

Mu: You mean Haruka-kun? Hmm. Yeah, probably. I’ve been bringing all his meals to him so he should be fine. Isn’t that great of me?

Futa: Hah? Who the hell says that sort of thing about themself. ……ah, no, well, right now I understand a bit. When you’re feeling down, it’s nice to have someone who relies on you and accepts you. The rest of us can’t really understand you from where we’re standing. But well, if you’re Haruka’s “salvation” then I guess it really is great.

Mu: Salvation……? I don’t know what you mean. Futa-kun, you don’t sound like yourself. Did you hit your head or something? Oh, wait, you actually did, didn’t you. Ahaha. Ah, putting that aside though, did you know it’s my birthday today?

Like hell not even in their trial two timeline interactions but in the prisoners response to Mikoto isolating himself in comparison to Haruka and Amane isolating themselves. Even from Futa he's coming over here concerned but when Mikoto's verdict was impacting him this was his response,

21/10/06           (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday?

Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday.

Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything.

Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on…… probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

At east in this timeline there's an implication that everyone else will wish him a Happy birthday. Yet, going into trial two it's easy to interpret that as Futa's wishful thinking. The implication from his 2022 and 2023 birthday timelines is everyone is avoiding him out of fear.

I won't be putting the Haruka and Mikoto timeline again because I feel like I've repeated it enough but for clarity here's the statement that implies that,

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

And his 2023 birthday timeline is just him having conversation amongst himself.

23/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……I wonder if there really is another version of me. And the fact my clothes are in rags and everyone is scared of me is his fault. Even being a “murderer”…… but it’s hard to just believe something like that.

Mikoto: If I talk like this can you hear me? If you can hear, please respond. Why would you do something so horrible. Hey, it’s all your faut, right? ……answer me!

Mikoto: ……Aaaaa!! But I did it for me……! If not, I would’ve broken!!

Mikoto: ––What am I even doing…… Of course I won’t conveniently just get a response like that. I should just stop thinking about everything now…… I’m tired……

No one was really checking on him to see if he was fine or eating properly. The same can be said with Amane too. This could be because regardless of their verdicts they were still going on as normal and not holing themselves up in their rooms. However, multiple people note their changes in behavior and still do nothing to intervene or check on them.

Except Shidou who does make attempts to check on Amane after Kotoko's attack but is pretty much told to prioritize the dying woman you weird by Kazui. Which one hundred percent fair he was right for that. In contrast to Shidou's shown concern for both Haruka, Amane, and Mahiru-

20/07/03

Shidou: Sakurai-kun……? Show me your hand.

Haruka: Heh!? No, I…… There’s, n-n-nothing wrong.

Shidou: Show me. ……the palm of your hand is bleeding. I’ll have to disinfect it. Does this always happen……?

Haruka: A-ah…… It’s, j-just a habit…… I-if I’m nervous, I grip my hands, too hard, so my nails……

21/10/24  (Shidou’s Birthday)

Shidou: ……oh, Yuzuriha-kun. It’s unusual so see you around this early. Wishing me a happy birthday…… probably isn’t the what you’re here for, huh.

Kotoko: No, it is. Happy birthday, Shidou. Though it’s not like I bought you a present or anything. But while I’m here, I’d also like to ask you something. Has anything changed for you recently? Having nightmares, hearing voices, feeling anxious…… anything like that.

Shidou: Not especially, no. ……ah, so this is about how Kajiyama-kun and Shiina-kun have been strange recently? And she’s been trying to hide it, but Amane too…… We’ve been living in these conditions for a while…… it’s not unusual for there to be an impact on us mentally. Are you worried about them? You’re a very caring person.

Kotoko: Hmm, so you noticed? If nothing’s wrong with you, then that’s good. ……if I’ve understood properly, that means you’re safe…… Once again, happy birthday, Kirisaki Shidou.

This timeline takes place after the one between Mikoto and Futa where the audience is shown how Mikoto's verdict is impacting him. Shidou mentions how despite Amane attempting to hide it something is clearly bothering her, Futa, and Mahiru. Yet omits the guy who was noticeably acting weird in the timeline right before this one. I cannot make this shit up their birthdays are literally in the same month.

These timelines happened within two weeks of each other and he was just not concerned about that. He didn't clock that as weird but he's giving Amane so much attention even though she's to his admission trying to hide it he's noticed her having issues as well. Mikoto isn't really doing much to hide his change in temperament.

Shidou notice this change though and to his own admission does not appreciate the change,

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with?

Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment, so the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

There is no positive spin one can put on they became like that it is usually something said with judgment and not positive judgment. In contrast Haruka, Futa, Mahiru, and Amane's new dispositions were recognized as out of the ordinary and met with concern.

Shidou even going as far as to put worrying about Amane above or equally as important as Mahiru's health at a point. To the extent that Kazui has to remind him to prioritize and in response he basically goes as the adults within the prison the children are a priority.

22/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Kazui: What’s up, Shidou-kun? You’re looking pretty down. I guess you must be tired, I’ve been relying on you a lot lately.

Shidou: Yeah, I just remembered…… today is Amane’s birthday. I’m just getting a bit sentimental.

Kazui: Hmm, it’s unfortunate, but at the moment we can’t worry about that. ……you understand, right? There’s something that you need to do right now. And if you tried talking to her your words definitely won’t reach her. Don’t look at me like that. We’ll just wait until the situation changes. Let’s do our best.

Shidou: Yeah. I’ll do what I can. I can’t have a child making a face like that. Even though we’re “murderers”…… we’re also the adults here.

She literally just got jumped Shidou can you stop harassing this child for like one day? She's been at deaths door all of trial two but she was fine enough for you to have this concern right after her ass got kicked. Shidou several months after the jumping, "These attacks were atrocious. People almost died."

Shidou at best five days after the attacks occurred, "It's Amane's birthday though."

Kazui, "Sir if you don't go back to helping the woman about to die and prioritize properly don't look at me all sad the hell?! She's dying."

Mahiru in her room struggling to breath or sit up straight with her fractured ribs, "It's fine Yuno I can do it."

Yuno, "No, you can't I'll get it you stay still where is Shidou?"

"I can't allow a child to be making a face like that."

Meanwhile Mahiru is in the back struggling for air just like she left her significant other in the weirdest display of narrative karma to ever exist. Probably having trouble breathing for the first time in her damn life like this- is what this feels like. Then he shows up to his second interrogation like I'm the only help she has. Bitch you were more concerned with giving Amane any sort of birthday celebration instead of checking on her.

Someone had to softly remind him that two people just got beat into the dirt and needed medical attention. So maybe this isn't the time to be thinking about a birthday. This is how Shidou parallels Mu as well. This is his I'm failing to read the room moment. This is him showing I only care about the things I care about. It's Amane's birthday I care about Amane because she's a child.

We should do something for her even though she is uninjured. Same energy as come on you're free Yuno celebrate.

22/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: Hey~~~ Isn’t everyone a bit gloomy lately? I get that this situation isn’t ideal, but you’re really bringing down the mood for my birthday.

Yuno: Haha, surely even you can tell now’s not really the time for something like that right. Nobody’s really in the mood, or rather nobody has time time to deal with something like that.

Mu: Boo, how boring. You seem to be free, you can celebrate for me. Go on, celebrate.

Yuno: Wow, what a pain. I’m reading the atmosphere properly and keeping quiet. Well, you just go and have fun with Haruka. In the corner somewhere so you’re out of everyone’s way.

Excuse me? Hello, people almost died and could very well still die... This is not the time for either of these issues. This is why when Mu praises herself for taking care of Haruka and bringing him food Shidou praises her right back. Because they both use people around them to validate themselves and their actions.

Aren't I doing so good by taking Haruka food? I saved Kajiyama-kun and Shiina-kun aren't I indispensable hostage game but you know it's all up to me right? You need me to take care of them right? So innocent.

I swear a good majority of people hear someone is in a medical or caretaking profession and just assume that person has oodles of empathy. They're just filled to the brim with consideration for all their fellow men when it is just a job. It doesn't make anyone more or less caring if they go into those professions. In fact there are a lot of incidents regarding abuse by people in those professions towards patients or the people they were tasked in looking after.

Sorry if that's disappointing to some people but a person is going to be the same person they were without a doctorate once they get doctorate. If someone was a mean uncaring individual before they started studying this thing chances are they will remain that person after. Getting a degree is not the same as working on oneself and their communication skills with others it is just school. There is no piece of paper that will magically make someone a good person who is right all the time and can do no wrong.

So let's talk about Shidou's wrongs towards Haruka and Amane in particular. Shidou infantilizes Haruka. He's straight ageist to Amane everyone knows that but the reason he acts the same towards Haruka is because he does not view Haruka as a person with agency or intelligence. This is why Kazui and Shidou are so comfortable talking about their attempts at negotiating a ceasefire with Kotoko around him.

No other prisoner mentions this in their interrogations but it's fine if Haruka overhears because he more then likely won't even understand what they're talking about. He talks at Haruka. Telling him bluntly to show him his hand. He doesn't ask if he's okay or if something happened.

This is something he does with Amane as well. Considering he downright ignored the fact that she does not like sweets then went ahead and ordered her a cake for her birthday. After Kazui asked her about it her previous birthday and she basically told him the same thing she tells Shidou the next year.

20/06/27  (Amane’s Birthday)

Amane: Zzz…… zzz…… ……nnh……

Kazui: Oh, Amane, it’s your birthday today, right? Shina-chan told me. Happy birthday. Have the others already celebrated?

Amane: ……thank you very much. That’s right. A few have spoken to me. I don’t personally consider my birthday that important, but I’ll gratefully accept the well-wishes.

Kazui: Even so, though, it’s not like I have a present to give you or anything. Sorry. ……if push comes to shove, maybe I can ask the guard for a cake. Depending on their mood, they might agree to it.

Amane: No, that’s fine. I’m not especially fond of that sort of thing. I’ll just accept your kind words as a gift.

21/06/27  (Amane’s Birthday)

Shidou: Amane, I heard it was your birthday today. I asked Es-kun if we could get this cake to give to you……

Amane: I don’t need it. I’ll gratefully accept your well-wishes, but I don’t eat things like that. Also…… Shidou-san, I can’t say I’m especially fond of the way you assume that all children will love frivolous things like this.

Shidou: ………… Is that so… I apologise. I’m sure everyone else will be happy to eat it, so don’t worry about it. Sorry for intruding.

Amane: ………… ……cake……

So, either Kazui just didn't tell him this information last year when she said it which fair why would he. He doesn't have to report back to Shidou. However that would mean he saw this man order and set up this cake. Saw it in the fridge and at no point went huh that's weird I should probably tell him she doesn't like cake and instead went,

"Hm well not my mistake not my problem. Some people gotta learn on their own."

And Shidou did not in fact do the thing he's known for which is hearing a child state their boundaries and then blatantly ignoring them like with the pancakes. If it's easier to believe Kazui didn't casually go up to him and be like well she said she didn't like cake and he went to himself no all kids like cake she must be putting up a tough front then decided to test it on her birthday.

Like if there's a cake here in front of her then of course she'll eat and if she has to hear everyone else enjoying what a great cake it is to actually try it than that's just what it takes. Like a dude trying to feed mashed peas to a baby like mmm it's actually really good you're really missing out. Haruka on the other hand is less defiant than Amane the second trial commence notice states being voted innocent,

"Being found “innocent” furthered his self-affirmation, and unlocked his desire to be dominated."

He wants to be told what to do. Literally his first glitched voice line is him repeatedly asking then what should he have done instead. Because if someone just tells him than that's what he'll do.

This brings up a parallel between Amane and Haruka the themes of obedience and disobedience. Where Haruka is asking to be led by someone anyone and be told exactly what he needs to do to be good in their eyes and Amane has been given those rules but keeps breaking them because they conflict with her own morals and sensibilities.

Haruka had no guidance but Milgram comes out the gate in his character description on the website and goes if you talk to him he will listen and learn. He does what Es deems okay. He tried to make a deal and threats because Es responded to that positively when Kotoko did it. Are we on the same page now.

Just as Es takes in the judgments the audience makes on all the prisoners Haruka takes in what the audience end up favoring and disliking then tries to mold himself around that to get the attention he wants. To be the audience and Es' favorite Haruka is possibly going to keep changing and aligning himself more with what will get him the response he wants. If that means he has to keep killing because the people with the highest body counts are innocent and he's sitting at guilty while possibly having the lowest than just guess what he's gonna do.

Now let's get back to that Mikoto parallel. Haruka being acceptance/community and Mikoto's being denial/ostracization. This connects Mikoto to Mu narratively as well both of their narratives have a lot to do with denial and isolation.

For example (since Haruka's section has just become a trial two recap at this point fuck if you got this far you're here now),

"Ahhh- It’s the same anywhere I go. It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong." / "I told you I’m queen, and it’s always the same."

"I see it in my dreams even though I erased it- Maybe I’m done."/ "I’m probably not to blame. It’s probably nothing. I’m probably just having a bad dream, I need to wake up soon."

"I don’t want tomorrow to come, I want to forget yesterday I was miserable."/ "I was having such a hard time, I was trying so hard."

"But I guess some of it is my fault. Maybe it’s ok as it is I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe?"/ "If I could laugh, If I could go back I’d play dead even though I’m alive right?"/ "Let’s meet up inside the pain, a place just for me postmortem makeup to hide my heart, how to solve it is a secret. The stabbing of the little devil’s voice, counterattack being a suicide note “I love YOU”."

"The minus energy that I swallowed hugged me. Maybe it’s ok to try to keep on living split in half, make that heart beat."/ "But I guess some of it is my fault. Maybe it’s ok as it is I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe? Tell me."/ "Why, hey why, please let me out of here. Please tell me it’s a mistake, that’s it’s a lie. That I’m right, I’ll forgive you if you tell me now."

"If you’re going to make me the villain. It’s ok to ignore me."/ "“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"/ "There’s no special meaning, I got the short end of the stick. I overheard, I found out how much I’m not needed."/ "All those ridiculous accusations hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it?! Ahhh, it’s the same anywhere I go. It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong. I’m already the fake one."/ "Because it’s not my fault I am innocent as everybody desires. I am relieved, I am always the drama queen."

"Take more and more (honey) and devote to me."/ "Hey now, I saved you, right? So why in the hell are you crying? Cling to me, hoist me up as your “savior”, stand up and sing out your gratitude, that’d be good."

"Hey, what if If I am a bad girl. Don’t hate me."/ "All I did was dream, so you find me INNOCENT, it’s that simple right? Come to know me as an honest man, eat your words, gulp them down."/ "Hold on. It’s not my fault. You knew it, right?/ "I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right."

"If you want to betray from jealousy. You know what’s gonna happen ON YOU."

"I was in denial, I was in denial." - "I was wrong. Yes, it was me."

20/06/05

Haruka: Ah…… ah, u-um, Mikoto-san. The c-communication……? thing, that you were saying was important. I-I thought, I’d give it my best…… Um, so, Mikoto-san, what’s your favourite food……?

Mikoto: Ooh? Nice going, Haru-kun~ Yeah, we still have no idea how long this lifestyle will go on for, so it’s best if we all get along together here. My favourite food…… I like pasta and horse-meat sashimi. Also bubble tea, and recently I’ve been big on custard puddings. What about you?

Haruka: ……ah, I, I wonder…… H-hamburg steak, and omurice, a-and also…… what else? Ah. Cotton candy……

Mikoto: C-cotton candy!? That’s the first time I’ve met someone who has that in their top three favourites!? ……man, Haru-kun, you really are hilarious.

"Tell me, why are you drifting away from me?" - "Tell me why? Please don’t change."

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……?

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…… haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

"Don’t leave me alone, don’t leave me." - "I just wanted to be your good boy. Why am I crying again?"

21/06/22   (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday.

Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad……

Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you.

Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

22/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me.

Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen.

Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things.

Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

“Can I be your favorite this time?”/ "Mommy, look, I’ve done great “There there, my good boy!” I promise to make my dreaMU come true."

"Aww! I just want to invent myself I'm a cute chimera sewn crooked <- new!" / "I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

"Don't be so selfish for the same new, then you start all over. Which way am I going, oh yeah, it's up to me. What I want to do, oh yeah, it's up to me."

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?

Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I……

Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently.

Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

Love how he just lies here by the way. Mu is trying to confide in him about how the atmosphere has been bad for her recently and he's just goes nope not me I'm fine actually. Certainly I'm sitting at guilty and locking myself up in my room but that's just because I'm thinking about how to keep my promise to you and nothing else.

Definitely not thinking about how I could change myself to get the audience to be interested in me again. Definitely not. Just thinking about keeping my word for your sake because you're my mom.

Meanwhile the following month,

24/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: You know, I think this is all your fault really. Everyone’s on edge because you lashed out. And because of that, nobody’s paying attention to me any more. It’s kinda boring. I don’t get it.

Kotoko: ……you went out of your way to say that to my face? Aren’t you scared of me? The next target of my fangs might be you.

Mu: Why? Kotoko-san, aren’t you punishing the bad guys? I didn’t do anything wrong. And anyway, fufu, you’re talking like you’re fine too. Aren’t you gonna be not forgiven too this time? What will you do then? Start biting yourself? Fufu, that’s hilarious. I want to watch.

Kotoko: ……you’re good at provoking people. I’ll pray that you won’t be forgiven this time. When that time comes, I’ll be sure to crush you.

It's so fucking funny that Kotoko just admitted she's praying for a kids downfall like Shidou is. The Kotoko and Shidou overlaps they're amazing I need to see them fight. But my point is here Mu goes out of her way to lecture Kotoko because no one else will give her attention on her birthday even Haruka.

Who since being out of his room has talked to anyone but her. Kine of weird and suspicious. Yet there relationships was always more an aligning of interests and nothing deeper than that. One could just say Mu got the short end of the stick and realized again just how much she wasn't needed. She was trying to prove her worth by bringing him food and taking care of him but since he's gone out of his room he's relied anyone but her.

Weird. Whelp none of my business. Sometimes that's how it is and maybe he just wants Mu as far from his behavior as possible. Most of the prisoners tend to dote on Haruka. Mu bringing his food to his room while he wasn't holing himself up in it, Futa and Shidou both taking time out of their days to go check on him despite stating they have bigger concerns...

These small actions show just how much the other prisoners care about Haruka and have grown to care about him over the course of milgram. I mean Haruka is nice, not intimidating to approach, timid and seeing his growth and being a part of it in particular can instill hope in the prisoners in a hopeless situation. A lot of prisoners look at Haruka as there second chance.

Because he to many prisoners embodies the people they failed or let down. Someone vulnerable, someone that relied on them, someone who couldn't speak up for themselves. Through his presence a few of them feel they can make amends for their previous mistakes. They don't even really treat him like a threat or a murderer most of the time.

This is why I brought up Shidou earlier. He isn't just like this with Haruka of course yet his mannerisms when it comes to this are more prevalent when one looks at how he engages with Haruka and Amane. Shidou still shows concern for Futa and Mahiru as well despite them being adults in his eyes.

Highlighting their less than stellar physical conditions at the beginning of his second voice drama.

Shidou's Voice Drama

"Orbital floor fracture right side."

Hm?

"Traumatic retinal detachment. Bruising. Lacerations. Partial fracture of the thorax."

...

"This is Kajiyama-kun's present condition."

Futa's?

"Shiina-kun's is even worse. Head lacerations. Bruising all over her body. A sprained neck. Fractured ribs. Further fracturing to the left arm. And furthermore... This may be outside my profession, but her mental health is deteriorating as well."

Mahiru...

This is the very first thing he brings to Es' attention. Not even bothering to return their greeting. He makes a statement outside of his area of expertise on Mahiru's mental health.

Extending consideration and grace to these parties,

23/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Mahiru: You have a family right, Shidou-san……? How does it feel, being married, having kids……?

Shidou: ……yeah, it’s a wonderful thing. Children…… yeah. They really are hope for the future. When you have your own, suddenly it becomes fun growing old. Since as you grow older, you get to see them grow up.

Mahiru: Ah…… how lovely. It was always my dream to become a bride. Though maybe that seems a bit outdated. I wish it could’ve come true……

Shidou: It isn’t too late. I’m going to make sure you live. So let’s get out of here, and you make your wish come true. ……you still have so much to live for.

24/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Shidou: ……I’m worried about Sakurai-kun. I haven’t seen him around in a while. You’ve been talking with him, right?

Mu: He’s fine. Here, look. I’ve been taking his food to him like this every day. Isn’t that great of me?

Shidou: Yes, very. I’m sorry I’ve been leaving it to you to look after him. Usually, that would be the job of us adults, and yet we’re leaving you with the burden.

Mu: Don’t worry about it. After all, me and Haruka-kun are friends.

Fostering a sense of community and comradery with them. Where they all help each other and will speak in the defense of one another and with their best interests in mind. Because that's how adults within society are meant to behave.

Yet, his grace consideration seems to run out when it comes to Mikoto. He treats Mikoto's change in temperament as an inconvenience. Because Mikoto is an adult. Not only that he's competent enough to protect himself and end his fight with Kotoko in a draw completely unscathed. He's not only an adult but a skilled and competent one who should know better than to let his personal problems negatively impact his lessers.

He's not like Haruka, Futa, Mahiru, or Amane defenseless weaklings that can do nothing to take care of themselves without a proper adult around. He's not someone who needs constant attention, care, or even the smallest bit of aid. He is a man, he is an adult, that Shidou recognized as his equal and spent time with as such. They smoked together so of course he doesn't get the same treatment as the kids.

He's not about to treat Mikoto like Kazui does,

24/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ––No, it’s just…… I’m happy for the thought…… But I don’t even know myself what I’ll do next. So I can’t really hang out at the moment, y’know? But…… haha, aren’t you scared, Kazu-san?

Kazui: Hmm, I guess because of my work, I’m used to dealing with rowdy youngsters. Obviously you have your reasons. I don’t feel like prying, though. Well, whenever you feel like it, you’re always welcome. If you’re always on your own it’ll just make you feel worse. I’ll be company if you need to relieve some stress.

Mikoto: Yeah…… I’m not really, y’know, used to relying on other people. Like, I start to worry that I’m being a burden. And it’s hard for me to deal with feeling so pathetic…… If I do say so myself, I’m super Japanese, haha……

Kazui: Hm…… well, I’m fine whatever. If this is what’s easiest for you, I won’t force you. But you know, being in your 20s is still super young. It’s great that you’re so disciplined, but most people won’t worry if you’re a bit of a burden. I mean, I’m almost 40, and I feel like I’m still a kid now.

Most people won't Shidou however,

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with?

Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment, so the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

Shidou be like, "Look Kayano-kun you're fucking it up for us folks still in our twenties. Twenty-nine and twenty-three stop fucking it up we're the adults here. We're both college graduates get it together. You are setting a bad example you gonna walk around acting like an adult then be one. You're embarrassing our age range in front of the oldest guy here."

Just like an older colleague at work. Over here like, "Tch young people these days none of them can handle a work environment."

"Um sir he's carrying a sixty percent guilty verdict."

"Pfft I'm always guilty on the inside! Regardless if the morning comes I'll still be guilty. When the sun rises when it sets I'm never gonna feel innocent not one second of my life the closest I'll get to it is feeling justified in my choices but knowing it was meaningless cruelty all the same. He needs to suck it up."

"My guy- he just needs a mental health day. He's run ragged look at him. Remember what you said about Mahiru's mental health accommodate him a little it's not hard. Just give him a minute or some sympathy."

"Oh so now he wants free pity. Look at the example you're setting for these kids right now. You're a failure of a man. Do you think this is how an honest man lives? How you're living right now-"

"Dude he's sensitive about that shut up. Look Mikoto I'm trying..."

Mikoto, "No he's right I fucking suck."

"Aw see Shidou you validated his self-disparaging views. Now he thinks he just needs to work harder again."

Shidou, "Because he does. That's a good thing for him to recognize."

Mikoto head in hands-

20/06/15

Mikoto: Hey, it’s kinda a bother having you be so angry and tense all the time. You should stop trying get everyone to pay attention to you. You’re a uni student, right? You can’t act like that once you start working properly.

Futa: Huh!? Shut up. Not like I care what you say. Even though we’re in this shitty situation, you’re just chatting away, it’s stupid. Aren’t you the one who’s acting out of place here? ……also the fact you give everyone nicknames is just gross.

Mikoto: *sigh* It’s more stupid to be taking this all so seriously. I mean, it’s definitely just a reality TV program. There’s no way a real prison exists that’s this lax. Also, I don’t give nicknames to everyone. I don’t give them to young kids like Amane, or to the hard-to-approach types like Shidou-san. I mean, I’m not giving you one, right?

Futa: ……oi, which group are you trying to say I am?

Now this may come off like I'm saying Shidou is a crass, blunt, man that holds those he deems to be his colleagues, equals, or peers in any capacity to the same unreasonable expectations he holds himself to. That when one of them fails to live up to what is expected of them as the adults then they've all failed in some way causing him to look upon the failures of those he considers equals with scorn while those he considers inferior, too immature, or unexperienced doing the same thing or needing help is cute. And that's because I am saying that and he is too,

21/03/22  (Kazui’s First Trial)

Shidou: Mukuhara-san, you’ve not been looking great ever since you came back.

Kazui: Ahh…… yeah, I still haven’t got back to my usual self huh. Y’know, Shidou-kun…… kids can be really brutal huh. I don’t have any of my own so hadn’t realised until now.

Shidou: Haha, so they are. They won’t listen to the excuses adults make to explain themselves. ……though that’s also what makes them cute.

Kazui: Yeah… You’re really mature, Shidou-kun. By comparison, I’m really immature huh. Not growing up in any way other than my age. ……*sigh* Even I’m starting to hate that about myself.

22/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Kazui: What’s up, Shidou-kun? You’re looking pretty down. I guess you must be tired, I’ve been relying on you a lot lately.

Shidou: Yeah, I just remembered…… today is Amane’s birthday. I’m just getting a bit sentimental.

Kazui: Hmm, it’s unfortunate, but at the moment we can’t worry about that. ……you understand, right? There’s something that you need to do right now. And if you tried talking to her your words definitely won’t reach her. Don’t look at me like that. We’ll just wait until the situation changes. Let’s do our best.

Shidou: Yeah. I’ll do what I can. I can’t have a child making a face like that. Even though we’re “murderers”…… we’re also the adults here.

24/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Shidou: ……I’m worried about Sakurai-kun. I haven’t seen him around in a while. You’ve been talking with him, right?

Mu: He’s fine. Here, look. I’ve been taking his food to him like this every day. Isn’t that great of me?

Shidou: Yes, very. I’m sorry I’ve been leaving it to you to look after him. Usually, that would be the job of us adults, and yet we’re leaving you with the burden.

Mu: Don’t worry about it. After all, me and Haruka-kun are friends.

Shidou when he keeps ignoring the fact that Kazui keeps telling him that despite being the oldest here he is actually the most emotionally immature and should not be given any responsibility.

Kazui making it as clear as possible how immature and unsuited for responsibility he is,

"I’m really immature huh. Not growing up in any way other than my age. ……*sigh* Even I’m starting to hate that about myself. - "I mean, I’m almost 40, and I feel like I’m still a kid now."

24/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Kazui: Ah y'know… Is having children really as great as everyone says? Shidou-kun, you've got two kids, don't you? It wasn't possible for me, so in a way I yearn for it.

Shidou: Yes, it truly is a great thing. No exaggeration. Even if they aren't your own children, don't you think its nice to have someone who's existence connects you to the future? If you can leave them something that they'll carry for the rest of their lives, I think it gives your own life more purpose. That's hope.

Kazui: You're really amazing, aren't you? It almost hurts to look at you. ….But, I sort of get where you're coming from. Every now and then I get overly sentimental thinking about my existence, how I could leave this world without adding to it. Doing something for the little devils around here might not be too far off from that hope you were talking about. I doubt it'll be easy though.

Shidou: Hehe. ….I implore you, Mukuhara-san. Please, give the children your protection.

Shidou I don't know what you mean Kazui we're the adults here. As such, I want you to take responsibility for these kids and protect them as another adult. I implore you to take on this responsibility. He should be helping them take care of the more vulnerable people here and the attitude he displayed during the intermission was a display of his personal failings. At least in Shidou's opinion. This goes into the similarities between Shidou and Futa.

Their shared stances on women and children as a vulnerable group. As well as how that perception impacts how they engage with others within the prison. Shidou is more willing to give grace to Haruka and Amane because of ageism and infantilization. Amane is just a child so she should be treated in a way that displays recognition of that fact. She shouldn't be here in Milgram or held to the strongest extent of the law because she's just a child.

This is the same logic Shidou extends to Haruka as well. He's not competent like Mikoto is. He can't express himself as well and is prone to getting injured or sick. So of course like a child he needs more care attention and firm guidance. It's not even limited to age he extends the same logic to Yuno, Futa, Mahiru, and Kotoko because they're all still students just a bit more respectfully. Yet Kazui, Mikoto, and himself are the working adults they should know better and be on top of this. This is why Shidou offers to extract that fang in Triage. Because as he makes clear through Amane he is willing to meet immaturity with immaturity if that means the kids will learn what's appropriate and what's not.

22/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way. If it’s a test of endurance you want, I’m happy to oblige, Amane.

It is possible that another thing Futa, Shidou, Amane, and Kotoko all share is their mentality to meet violence with violence or conflict with conflict. Haruka did what many others within Milgram did associated himself with people who were more likely to improve his circumstances than worsen them. This may be why we see him engage with guilty prisoners less while aligning himself more with those innocent like him. To show that he was not and is still not a loser. He didn't question the guards judgments to show that he thought they were right, he tried to be more confident and outspoken to display to Es that their choice wasn't wrong. In contrast him closing himself off after his change in verdict is an extension of his warning to Es in his trial one voice drama, "I shouldn't get too i-involved with people in the first place. Even with all the prisoners, they might understand. It's no good." - "You shouldn't get too close to me. Bringing misfortune to people is the only thing I'm naturally good at." It's likely that him being voted guilty, Mu being voted guilty after getting close to him, or both may have caused this belief to resurface leading to him isolating himself (locking himself in his room) out of fear of bringing misfortune to those around him.

Regardless of Haruka's intent with these changes, the fact remains that Es simply couldn't stand the way Haruka changed. Possibly because it reminded them of Kotoko getting cocky and acting on her own while they were asleep. The way that she overstepped their boundaries, into their position as guard, and hurt people they admit to caring about. The new Haruka just showed Es that no one, not even him, was taking Es' position seriously. That they thought they could simply talk them into whatever outcome they wanted. That they felt comfortable because they were taking them as a fool that would believe anything sat in front of them without question. An imperfect guard who was too kind and weak just waiting to be taken advantage of.

Of course since Es said these prisoners were right once they'd never change their mind now. All Haruka's attempts and efforts came off as cocky, dismissive, and a belittling of not only Es' intelligence but their dedication to their job. Something that has been shown to anger Es throughout the series.

Ultimately it was this behavior shared between the three of them that had their trials go as poorly as they did. It is also this mindset that led them all to heavily associating with one another. Because they weren't wrong, Es found them innocent, agreed to work with them- Of course, if they saw that once they'd see it again. They're not the losers here after all. None of them were wrong. So, of course Haruka is going to report to Es' assistant what his plan is and ask her to let him proceed. Guilty or not that's only the proper thing to do.

"I wasn’t wrong, I wasn’t wrong- Please don’t say that I am a loser. Hug me again as you once did."

Unlike those losers over there who should have just-

"Ravaging, brawling, losers please exit left."/ "Aren’t they all the people you thought were bad?"

It doesn't matter if he was too scared to talk with her previously.

Haruka Trial One Voice Drama

Mu, Yuno, and....

How about Kotoko?

Uh... S-She's a bit scary.

That was the old Haruka. The new Haruka isn't afraid of kids or talking to Kotoko. Even though there are more reasons to be afraid of her than there were before. Kotoko is someone he had no reservations about speaking to despite the fact that she had physically assaulted three people in close proximity to him. Then was very openly planning to attack more to her own continued admission.

Yet, despite the clear risk to the safety of others she continued to be Haruka had no issue communicating with her and actively seeking her out. Because he recognized she was not going to attack him. Because why would she he's innocent. He's not like those guilty prisoners. Him and Kotoko are the same in that regard.

This is the mindset that grated Kotoko so much. Even though she was right she was the same as the other prisoners who had been voted innocent. Seeing them sitting in the same spot as she was made her more conscious of her own shortcomings. Having them innocent with her was like saying they were the same which to her and in the eyes of other prisoners may be the furthest thing from true and the biggest insult they could receive.

Yet it was this that made it easy for Haruka to come in and calmly discuss Shidou and Kazui attempting to negotiate a ceasefire with her. Because it wasn't his problem he was never worried about being attacked because he's innocent. Just like with Mu. It wasn't their problem,

"Ah, um, since it's a situation like this, we're all staying close to Shidou-san. Kotoko-san is the only one who's acting on their own."

...Oh?

"A-ah, um... Kotoko-san said she currently has no intention of attacking anyone. So, Shidou-san and Kazui-san had cea-ceasefire negotiations, they called it. With her..."

...

It was easy to talk about it in that way all up until the point he realized it could impact him. He and Mu did a lot of similar things within their second voice dramas. That display the impact that they've had on each other. The good and the bad.

Haruka Second Trial Voice Drama

Don't get ahead of yourself. It's all good and well that you've changed, but your past self just might have been smarter.

"...!!!!!!"

...

"Ugh...! Why?! Why, why, why are you saying things like that?!"

...!

"It's weird! You said you forgave me, Warden-san! It's weird for you to tell me that I'm wrong now!"

[sound of something hitting the table (more than likely his palm)]

...!

"Argh- it's weird! It's weird!" [stomping around]

Pipe down! You're hurting my ears.

"...You're mean. You're so mean... I, I-I can kill anything that's smaller than me, you know!"

Hahaha! You sure have developed and attitude! Go ahead and try! Idiot!

"Don't... make fun of me...!" [sound of running] "Ghhh, guh...! My body...won't move...!"

Is your memory that bad? Violence from the prisoners towards the warden is prohibited. Well...with one exception.

"Gh...!"

Later On

"Even though you said you would forgive me..."

You were told upfront that this is a three trial system.

"Why are you bullying me like this?"

I'm not bullying you. I'm simply trying to figure out whether I should forgive you or not and by extension, whether your actions were wrong or not.

"There's no way it was wrong! If I hadn't done it, nobody would have looked at me!"

You killed to gain attention? The you who was never loved by anyone?

"That's right! Because if I just remained a good-for-nothing, nobody would ever care about me!"

Just because of that, someone-

"Aren't I the only unfortunate person here?! Because I'm the only one who could never do anything since I was born, because I could never do the same things as everyone around me, my mother gave up on me and I stopped existing in her world!"

Even later (Fuck it honestly just listen to both side by side at this point.)

Rest assured, Haruka. Taking your circumstances and your feelings into consideration, I'll judge-

"As I thought. Warden-san, you're not my mother at all."

Huh? Never have been.

"Yeah...? Yeah, right, everyone only has one mother. The mother who never looked at me wasn't my mother either."

What are you saying?

"Heheheh, hahahaha...!"

You're pretty scary you know?

"Haa... I'm sorry, warden-san. For causing you trouble."

...

"My mother was Mu-san all along."

Huh?

"Mu-san is my mother."

I don't think that's right.

"It is, though?"

Is that really something you can deny...

"Mu-san praises me. The useless me... She praises me, acknowledges me, looks at me, and she needs me. My current self only exists thanks to Mu-san."

You did say you had two benefactors. So, the other one was Mu, huh?

"That's right. As long as Mu-san is here, I feel like there's a meaning to me coming to Milgram."

...

"I've met my real mother, so I'm happy. I'm sorry for causing problems earlier. I need to be a good boy- For Mu-san's sake as well."

This is... The needs and interests of the prisoners lining up with each other... Something like this can happen too...? Haruka desires a mother, but what could it be that Mu wants from him...?

You know I've been transcribing this shit too long when I see the words,

"Haruka desires a mother but what could it be that Mu wants from him?" and the first thing I think is come on vaminos- at this Dora the explorer ass question they ain't even being subtle! They're just out here like, "Whatever could she want?" Meanwhile in his fucking second trial song-

"I will keep on killing to be a good boy."

Ya know I can't say what she wants really. The funniest twist everyone looking at the middle schooler and office worker like they're gonna be trained assassins. Meanwhile- OH SHIT IT'S HARUKA COMING IN WITH THE BLADE! It's still sending me this statement is phrased like a fucking early reader comprehension test question. Why did they phrase it like this? Like,

Were you paying attention? Test your knowledge.

What does Haruka want from Es?

A. A license to kill.

B. To be judged fairly for his actions and held to account.

C. A Innocent Verdict/Forgiveness

D. For Es to leave everyone alone. So, they can all know peace.

E. A Guilty Verdict/Not to be Forgiven

What upset Haruka?

A. Kotoko's violent actions.

B. Kazui's and Shidou's attempt at mediating.

C. Es' judgment.

D. Not having a mother.

E. Es' judgment changing.

What does Haruka gain from Mu?

A. Stability.

B. Friendship.

C. Mutual Respect.

D. A maternal figure.

E. More mother issues to unpack in therapy.

I shouldn't be talking about reading comprehension questions like that. It was a good question to pose. Yet the overlap between Mu and Haruka's actions within their voice dramas trial two speaks volumes about how they enable each other and the ways they've become isolated from the rest of the cast. It's definitely not the healthiest dynamic but not the worse I've seen as of now. For example even though I stated that Haruka was still on good terms with Yuno from his perspective...

The feeling doesn't seem to be mutual. Since Yuno went on record stating that Haruka and Mu were beginning to annoy her. Haruka is more than likely collateral damage since Yuno has been annoyed with Mu for a good while now and his close proximity to her at this point. So she can't see one without bumping into the other.

Since Yuno seems to be trying to avoid Mu as much as possible that may extend to Haruka as well and play into why Yuno hasn't checked up on him. Even though Yuno herself says she has no intention of just letting someone die in front of her and has spent a good deal of these trials taking care of others. She has no real character reason not to want to help/check on Haruka but every character reason to not want to be near Mu who is always just posted up outside of Haruka's door going look I'm taking care of him.

So, she definitely wouldn't check unlike Futa who doesn't really have those issues with Mu or has been bothered by her in the same ways Yuno has. I don't know why Kazui isn't checking but like it's not his job to regardless. If someone gets hurt it's not really on him solely. Just because the audience and Shidou projected this caretaker and protector role onto him does not mean he will live up to it or even wants to.

I think the fact he hasn't checked is fishy but well it's not surprising. Shidou on the other hand- Well he's weird for the opposite reason. If Mahiru is still in a bad state how did he even make time to check on Haruka and Mu? Again he states he's worried about Amane and someone should do something about her but when given free time doesn't really treat that as much of a priority.

We haven't seen Mahiru in a long time (this changed with Kotoko's birthday interaction where Mahiru actively seeks her out even noting it's still hard to move while doing so which hello just raises more questions about this) but Haruka, Mu, Kazui, and Mikoto could have all gone to check on her but none of them have. I'm not holding it against Mu since Yuno directly told her to stay out of the way when they spoke after the attacks on her birthday. So she at least has in character reasons for not going.

Haruka may not be going because he realizes Mu isn't on good terms with Yuno right now. Since neither of them are hiding that. Kazui and Mikoto are weird though. Mikoto claims he attacked Mahiru but hasn't gone to apologize about that at all or gain clarity on it? Like that's kind of the bare minimum he could do if he truly believed that were the case. Which his second written interrogation implies.

Kazui is just like sir you're not doing anything else you might as well. Like I'm well aware he may not want to be bothered and may find Mahiru difficult to deal with but like you've seen Shidou enough to have seen her too. Which is the weird thing Shidou has had time for Kazui despite Mahiru needing constant care. Plus Amane and Futa have both gone to see her. So, it's not as though Mahiru is under lock and key.

So a part of me is like why are you avoiding doing that. Now with Mikoto there's an argument to be made that he's afraid he'll make her uncomfortable. He knows he fought with Kotoko and went up to her for her birthday though. Like he just kind of played that off like he didn't remember but he remembers attacking Mahiru?

Something multiple other parties have gone oh well he didn't do that. He attacked Kotoko while she was in the middle of attacking Mahiru. Kotoko has said that, Kazui said they were fighting and it was best to keep them that way, Yuno said they were fighting and commented on Mikoto being stronger than she thought, Mahiru never brought up Mikoto ever attacking her and only focused on how she forgave Kotoko for attacking her.

So after a point one has to question how Mikoto knows about Mahiru's attack but conveniently doesn't know Kotoko was there. There's memory issues and then there's like the fact he's actively avoiding everyone that would have a different recollection of those events while still trying to be chummy with the person he very much did jump according to several other parties. All of whom have no reason to lie-

Mahiru thinks Mikoto is a cheater and does not trust him she has more reason to lie on him being the one that jumped her than just forgive Kotoko.

Kazui literally had zero reason to lie there and even went it benefits me more if you keep them on opposite sides and they continue to fight each other.

Yuno does not like Kotoko and thinks Mikoto's pleasantries are forced. She says she would never be Kotoko's friend and the nicest thing she's said about Mikoto is again that comment about him being stronger than she thought.

All three of the parties who have spoken on this actually just have no vested interest in whatever is going on with Mikoto. Other than Kazui who doesn't want Mikoto to team up with Kotoko solely because he knows with a teammate Mikoto could kick his ass. And even then his interest wasn't let's make Mikoto look worse it was just let's keep these two away from each other and their goals from aligning. Like with Mu and Haruka. Which is fair.

Mu Second Voice Drama

"What do you mean?"

How did it come to that in the first place? What was the cause of it? That's what I don't know. You could say it was conveniently omitted.

"..."

Even you yourself refuse to go there. Is it a topic you don't want to touch upon?

"...Warden-san I think you're really doing something bad. Isn't it a bad thing to act like there has to be something wrong with someone for them to get bullied?"

Oh?

"No matter the circumstances it's always the bullies who are in the wrong! Isn't that obvious? Warden-san you're so smart but you didn't even know something like that? Maybe you should take some lessons on morals or something?"

...

"Besides, even if I've done something wrong, there's nothing that can justify bullying. Warden-san I thought you were nicer than this."

My sincerest apologies for not living up to your expectations.

Later on in Mu's second voice drama

Right, right. And here I was speculating that you might've originally been playing the opposite role...

[sound of something hitting the tabletop (possibly her palm)]

...!

"What are you getting at?"

Just that we could also speculate that you'd been the bully until the tables ended up turning on you.

"Do you realize what an awful thing you're saying right now?!"

What are you getting this angry for? I thought you hadn't done anything wrong?

"Warden-san... I hate you."

Haruka and Mu both have intense reactions in response to the idea that Es' opinion of them wasn't as unanimous as they thought. That they had doubts about it. Yet, they're both incredibly doubtful and fickle when it comes to their relationships as well. Think about it- Haruka had no issue talking to Kotoko several times after she attacked multiple people but could barely get a sentence out around her at the start of this. Yet, her violence didn't scare him off he wasn't worried for his safety showing that his fear wasn't being attacked but always was rejection like Mu's. Yet, he rejected others and drifted away from them despite displaying how much he dislikes the same thing. Then once he was in the same position as those he distanced himself from he was suddenly willing to confide in those guilty prisoners he may have been ignored previously for what seems to have been until the cameras were rolling again.

24/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ––Hey, are you really ok with this? If you come with me, there’s a chance you can be saved too…… Haruka.

Haruka: Yeah…… I’ve made my mind up. I have, something, that I have to do.

Futa: Ah, is that right…… Haruka, you know, you’re an idiot. There’s no way…… that will save you……

Haruka: Yeah, thank you. I’m glad you came to talk to me, Futa. Um, thank you, for being so kind. Really. But, I’m sorry. This is all I’m able to do……

Oh wait no. Haruka didn't even go to confide in Futa. Futa did the thing people keep bitching about no one doing and went to check on Haruka himself. Who again when Futa was at his lowest was off ,

"I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot."

To be completely real with you it makes me wonder if the only reason Haruka is worried about people changing up on him is because he so easily changes up on others. Because when Mikoto and Futa were going through it where was Haruka- Looking after his self.

Because like Futa said,

Q.02 What do you think of Haruka?

Futa: I can’t afford to be worrying about other people at the moment Anyway, he’s not a little kid.

Okay, just got back from a break one of many I took after world events and- Ya, know... Someone in this fandom accused me of a felony a while back. Look if anyone has gotten this far I'm really anticipating them glancing at this and keeping it moving. But yeah that happened. Then they accused my friends of a felony as well. People will be like blocking isn't personal and shit but like each time I've blocked someone it's actually been due to consistent harassment that I have actually attempted to talk out as much as I can extend myself to do so. I think any rational person draws the line at someone accusing their partner and close friend of a crime.

Especially when a good way to go well that's not true is just blocking the person and moving on since the crime in question was cyberstalking. Then person wanted to go this is your fault for taking my concerns seriously instead of telling me to touch grass after I did that which like um what the hell. I'm not saying this is a good way to gage the reactionary nature of Milgram fans but like after a point there is no discussion to be had you just gotta accept some people like their life more if they can assume others are cruel and evil to validate their own inconsiderate and uncaring behavior. Like Haruka and Mu nothing is ever your fault if everyone else is the villain and your the weak helpless victim in whatever narrative one creates to help themselves sleep at night.

Some people really only care about people solely in the context of the role they play in their narrative. Haruka is no exception to this. He only cares about Mu because right now she fits into the role of mother. Es even brings up that their desires have happened to albeit conveniently overlap,

"This is... The needs and interests of the prisoners lining up with each other... Something like this can happen too...?"

So, what happens when that stops being the case for one or both of them?

Like the case of Futa and Mikoto. Two people Haruka relied on for socialization but as soon as their social standing fell he begun to distance himself from them. A lot of people in this world project what they're willing to do to others on those around them without a second thought. Just so they don't have to feel alone in their callousness. It's not a case of who is using whom when it comes to Mu and Haruka.

It's a case of whose usefulness will run out first or if it will at all. Something like that is a bit of a double edged sword isn't it? One could say it' like a person pointing their weapon at themselves and their enemy all at once. A true double bind.

How unfortunate.

[linterteatime]

Slugcat distribution system gave them an explosive rabid raccoon and a overpowered sewer rat ❤️

[i-dreamed-i-had-a-son]

Broke (2016): BBC Sherlock is a phenomenal piece of media and anything that seems like a flaw just hasn't been fully explored yet

Woke (2020): BBC Sherlock is an incredibly flawed series run by an egotistical writer, it never deserved the hype and is actively bad on so many fronts (especially representation)

Bespoke (2024): BBC Sherlock is flawed and bogged down by increasingly poor writing, which many fans refused to see while it was airing, leading to hugely misplaced expectations (particularly for the final series), AND it has the seeds of some compelling characterizations and portrayals, some genuinely solid performances, and touches--albeit imperfectly--on complexities that are still being discussed today (particularly as it relates to the relationship between Sherlock and John). The huge cultural impact of the show has created a massive pendulum effect in its public perception, leading to most people today remembering a caricature of the show (whether positive or negative) rather than appreciating its nuanced merits and failings...that being said Season 4 sucked

[hkevisvlsvso]

Okay finally got something done :')

This may be kinda shit but posted it anyway cause i want to send here that better part of story(where they kiss :3)

The '~~~~' -things are just something what goes like the same in the series and i was too lazy to write them but you all know what happended there so..

And it ends on a really random point of the episode but ... . . ..

And I didn't know what to call die Wilden Kerle so just called it Wilden Kerle🥲

-yea so enjoy:

-----------------------☆☆☆-------------------------

I sit on my bed and stare at the math book resting in front of me, even though the numbers have been blurred in my eyes for ages into an unrecognizable background mass, thanks to which I can only see my thoughts very clearly. I should be doing homework, but my mind is wandering. Unfortunately, they somehow always find their way to Leon.

I have already declared to myself that I officially hate Leon, and I will never forgive him. He's a complete asshole full of himself and left me- I mean, us, for fame, even though he was the one who insisted that anyone who leaves the Wilden Kerle is a shameful traitor. He's a self-righteous jerk. And I hate him. I really, really hate him. Just because I can't stop thinking about him doesn't mean I don't hate him.

I throw the book at the wall and stand up, because sitting isn't going to help anything. I decide to go for a bike ride somewhere just to get my thoughts elsewhere.

After I've been cycling for a while, Vanessa comes up to meet me. Slowed down my pace so she can turn to cycle in the same direction as me.

Vanessa looks happy. As if nothing happened yesterday. At least she doesn't seem to miss Leon at all. I hope I don't look like that myself, although I literally couldn't sleep last night thinking about Kalle and his last look all night. In other words, nothing is normal, not without Leon, and if it bothers Vanessa at all, she hides it really well.

So Vanessa smiles as if it wasn't just yesterday that Leon left our team, waves her hand after getting next to me, and says:

"Marlon called. Hadschi has finally found the owner of the last skull!"

I smile, even genuinely this time.

"Let's go."

~~~~~

Of course Markus's father was not in the bank. It's Sunday now. But where did he go?

Suddenly Vanessa notices his car in front of the museum. What the hell is he doing there?

"Let's go see."

We crouched behind Markus' father's car. I hope Vanessa listens to what he and the mayor are talking about, because I only listen with half an ear. "It would be better if you take it, Mr. Mayor. It's not safe in my house."

I loved Leon. He was actually a complete asshole, but maybe that's why I liked him. He didn't really try to please me, on the contrary, he almost always seemed to be arguing or outright begging to be fucked, but that's why he's so funny and natural, himself. He is also honest and speaks his mind directly, so when he compliments me, I know he really means it. He wouldn't just say that so I wouldn't feel bad, because he doesn't care if I get hurt by his words.

In my previous schools, many girls have wanted to date me. I agreed to the first request because I was stupid. I had never spoken to that girl, and one day her friends snubbed her giggling in front of me.

If I were to think about such things, I would say that it was quite unnerving to stand in front of some random person while she squealed and giggled and her friends stared at us, amused by the awkward situation. Finally, the girl mumbled that she had a crush on me. I didn't know what to answer so I said "okay".

It wasn't an affirmative answer as far as I know because he didn't actually ask anything, but still his friends started squealing in love and clearly this girl was now my girlfriend.

At first I thought that it could be quite nice, and that at least the girl liked me. I was naive. It started to dawn on me at the latest when I realized she was only talking about my dad or how "handsome" I was. Her real compliments were flat, and she probably didn't believe even her own tone of voice when she said I was funny. Instead, I was too quiet and too cold and sarcastic and short and my favorite dark green hoodie at the time was unfashionable. She threw it in the trash can. On the other hand, I'm quite grateful for that, because in hindsight it was really quite horrible, and my father had never liked it either.

The girl left me after two months of dating, because she said I was too quiet and distant, and I didn't care about anything but football.

Which was indeed true.

Through me, the girl had gotten to know the members of my soccer team at the time, and because of that I saw her many times a week when she came to the team's practices to see her new boyfriend. He kept winking at me when I was sitting on the bench, but never said anything. Except for one time when she came to sit next to me and twirl her blonde hair around her fingers. He greeted me in a voice I had heard too many times before, and I felt a dark satisfaction when I said nothing and moved two seats away from him. The girl stared at me shocked for a moment, as if she couldn't understand how I could not like her, and she was very annoyed when I allowed myself a satisfied smile just to show that I didn't care, and then she went to approach her new boyfriend.

A similar thing happened a couple of times until I learned to say no, and to leave people before they leave me, when I turned out to be a completely normal person, even though I have a perfect father.

Leon is honest. If he says I'm good, he really thinks I'm good.

However, he really cares about us more than he admits. He would never say it out loud, maybe he wouldn't even fully admit it to himself, but I know. He could go to any length for the things that are important to him. He is wild, in the sense that he himself wrote it in Wilden Kerle's rule list.

It's just a shame that this time he chose to care about fame more than his team, and will go as far as he needs to for it.

I wish he cares about me more than he admits.

Or: I wished he cared about me more than he would admit.

Nowadays, I don't give a damn what, or who, he cares about. Not after what he did.

Markus' father and the mayor leave the car back towards the museum, and I remember that I had to eavesdrop on their conversation. Well, I hope Vanessa was listening..

"Let's follow!" I say as if I am fully aware of the whole situation.

We walk into the museum hall when the doorman stops us.

"Is there an invitation?" he asks in the most strained tone anyone has ever spoken in. I stare at him, and then at Vanessa, as if to signal that he needs to come up with something.

"um, we just wanted to-"

"I can't let you in without an invitation", the doorman interrupts. Then, suddenly, Leon appears out of nowhere.

Okay, I admit to staring at him, and even though I hate him, it doesn't stop me from thinking about how I like his hair, or how I'm so happy to see him that I just want to hug him and have him hug me and feel his warmth against me.

I still hate him.

Leon finally seems to understand that we want to get inside.

"They came to see the new superstar. Me."

Superstar. I don't know if I should be amused or outraged. For some reason, I still missed his voice, even though I last heard it only yesterday.

Still I smile. I want him back and he's clearly helping us.

"Uh... Don't you read magazines?" I ask to reinforce Leon's words.

"Ah, I understand. In that case."

I'm not sure if Leon is just smiling in general, or if he's smiling at me.

I hope he's smiling at me.

-----------------------☆☆☆------------------------

Guys I think I just wrote a really short part of some Deon fanfic...

It's like in s2 e12 the scene when Leon comes to the landfill(I have no idea what is it called really in the english dub version so..) and... u know.

Because i just realised that Deniz looks so sad when Leon comes while everyone else looked just angry 😭

The way how Deniz stares at that book like he knows Leon is going to leave him and the whole team but thinks that if he doesn't see it and just focuses on the book, mabye it won't really happen....

BUT, here it is. I'm really bad at english so i hope you understand it😅😅

[(Almost) all the lines were from the finnish dub, idk if it's the same in other languages but mabye it's okay....]

------------------------☆☆☆------------------------

I look up from the book when I hear footsteps approaching. Leon walks to the landfill looking far too casual. Traitor. A little hope flutters inside me. However, it slows down as soon as Vanessa says:

- Well, who's that? Came to tell us about your big ad campaign?

If Leon was going to apologize, he wouldn't do it after that. I press my gaze to the book and try to focus on the ancient Greek numerical codes. I want to shut out everything around me. I just want to squeeze my eyes shut, and when I open them, Leon comes beside me on the rusty roof of the car and wraps his arms around my neck and gives me something else to think about and figures out a way to get Teufelstopf back and all is well again.

No.

When I open my eyes, I'm still staring at the much too small and monotonous text of the book. Leon snorts.

- actually, I came to apologize for being so busy these days, but if you're like that, I guess it's better that I don't come at all anymore. Ever.

He doesn't know how much his cold voice breaks my heart. But I can be cold too. And I have that right. He is leaving the bunch. I stand up on the roof of the car. Leon has already turned to leave when I say:

- That's what I said too. We can do without a captain like that.

My words feel like a heavy lump on my chest, and a few more pounds are added to that lump when I realize I'm right. Leon was always the one who insisted that no one should ever leave the team. He loved football and the team more than anything in this world, as did I, and that was probably part of the reason I fell for him. But now he is leaving Teufelstopf, the Wild Soccer Bunch, us, me, for fame. I didn't think that he would be the one who leaves the team.

When Leon hears my words, something disappears in his eyes, something inexplicable. At least I think I see it. Or I hope. Or at least I want to.

He doesn't even say anything. Anger and disappointment bubble up inside me. I jumped down from the car. The thump of my feet againstthe ground makes Leon quickly turn towards me. I look at him. At the moment, I would like to just hug him on the one hand, and hit him on the other hand. I clench my hands into fists.

- I fucking koved you, I say way more toxic than i meant to. Though mabye it's just a good thing. I don't know.

I let all the pent-up sadness and frustration come out of my voice because I want him to know I'm serious. I say it so quietly that no one else can hear it, even though I want to scream it into his ear. On the other hand, I probably couldn't make a louder sound than this, almost a whisper, from the stranglehold of grief. Leon looks me in the eyes and for a few moments I may notice sadness in his eyes. Almost as crushing as my grief. Then he just closes his eyes, turns around and leaves. Up until now, I have felt that everything will be alright. But now I know that I don't have Leon anymore, everything is lost.

------------------------☆☆☆------------------------

It was kinda google translator english but hope you liked it.. I'm not sure if i do?

[winepresswrath]

I will laugh so hard if it turns out that John is making a sincere effort at being a decent parent and it's such an awful outcome for Gideon that I feel like it's plausible. He's giving off such man who thinks of himself as a good guy confronted with oops baby vibes.

[pennedinblood]

as of ten minutes ago we are officially Jobless™️. my sign to retire early and devote the remainder of my existence to writing toxic old man yaoi