#it was yesterday that I learned that physical education should just be called physical

[flurriethefox]

Dude I did leg day with my dad yesterday and walking has been a pain the ass since two hours after I got out of bed, I cannot walk up the stairs without dying inside.

I have school tomorrow :D which means I have P.E. Tomorrow. I’m gonna fucking. Die.

[katsona-the-katsequel]

Specialized Extracurricular Execution Squad Activity Report

Part 3

5/16 (Sat) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Uh, this is Takeba.

Actually, Tartarus is closed today, and Kirijo-senpai told me, "School take priority over SEES activities!", but it's tough to stay holed up in my room all day, so I snuck out. That being said, I don't really have anything to report.

Oh, I'm lying, there was one thing. Well, Sanada-senpai is a little scary. Haha. Apparently the doctor told him yesterday that he'll be okay to start boxing in about a week, and he's really happy about that.

Of course, since it's before the exams, he seems to be studying properly in his room, but when I went out to the stairwell, I saw him running up the stairs at a great pace. I was surprised and talked to him, and he said that he had been taking a break and couldn't stay still. Do you even know what a break means? But I'm glad he's doing well. Yes.

Well, I don't want to relax too much, so I'll get back to studying. This is Takeba.

5/17 (Sun) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

Well... Good evening, I'm Junpei Iori. I don't really have anything to report, but Kirijo-senpai told me to hold the microphone. I guess she told me to calm down and complain or whatever because my cries from the heart are getting in the way of the wonderful training... but somehow, haven't I lost sight of my original purpose for this activity report?

…Oh, that's right, there's something to report.

No, I don't want to sit at my desk any more this afternoon.

I don't want that to happen! I'm stuck with that feeling.

Wait, I went to Paulownian Mall to change my mood.

Then, I felt some strange tension.

A self-proclaimed "reporter" told me about some strange things happening recently.

She asked me if I had information.

When she said something like "I'll be rewarded if you give me any information," I was tempted for a moment, but then I thought, aren't we just heroes of justice who work in secret? Of course, I said "I don't know," and rejected her. Then the reporter just said, "Oh, okay," and walked away... It's a bit complicated...

5/18 (Mon) - Reporter: Akihiko Sanada

Well, the exam finally starts today. There's no point in rushing now. I'll just do my best.

However... I know this may be unnecessary, and it may not be the right topic to talk about at a time like this, but I am really concerned about the injury that happened to our physical education teacher, Mr. Aoyama. From what I heard, he had been drinking after work and was on his way home in a good mood when, an accident was caused by a falling sign, but the accident happened just as the day changed... around the Dark Hour.

Well, shadows wouldn't have to resort to such a roundabout means to drop a sign and injure someone. It's probably just paranoia born from the frustration of not being able to return. Forget it.

5/19 (Tue) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

Hi, it's Junpei.

...It's no good anymore!

Ugh, today's modern Japanese test. I messed up... I messed up...

No, it was a chance question.

It was a question I remember doing, and it was the one that was called on me in that class, and I thought, "Yes, I got it," but then... I'd completely forgotten about it, hadn't I?

Damn it... If I had known it would be like this, I would have looked it up properly on my own instead of asking him for the answer!

5/20 (Wed) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Well, it's Takeba.

It's already the third day of the exam. How is everyone doing? Are you doing well? Are you scratching your head? I feel like I shouldn't be reporting here and should just go to bed or study... but let me get away with it.

...I mean, there's no way I can understand physics! What use is it for a girl to learn something like that in the future?

Yes, yes, I know I'm being petty.

5/24 (Sun) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

But I can't help but say it! Who the hell is Einstein! What did Newton do for me!

5/21 (Thu) - Reporter: Mitsuru Kirijo

Takeba... This may be unnecessary, but trivia about daily life isn't physics.

Now, it's Kirijo.

There are only two days left until the exams. Everyone seems to be getting tired. Before the exams, I hinted at a reward if they performed well, hoping to encourage them a little, but... I guess it was a bit too childish to lure them with something.

Of the three second-years, the ones who seem to have potential are the field leader and Takeba, but Takeba's complexion is getting worse day by day and he doesn't seem to be riding the wave at the moment, and in his case, it's hard to read his facial expressions...

I've always been bad at people-controlling techniques since I was forced to study something like the art of rulership before, but... putting it into practice is even more difficult. As someone in a position above them, I too must work even harder...

5/22 (Fri) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

Hey, Junpei here. Only one more day left until the end of exams! Tomorrow is the last day! If I rush around anymore, it won't start, so I'm going to bed after I finish submitting my report!

Hehehe, well, the questions I was trying to answer came up today, so maybe I'm doing pretty well?

Even so, I was really lucky today.

That's great! I forgot the question I was asked the other day, but I remembered it well today. The difference between the Paleolithic and Neolithic is the shape of the stone tools!

Hehehe, that serves you right.

All right, let's do our best tomorrow too!

5/23 (Sat) - Reporter: Akihiko Sanada

It's been a long time... I wonder how long I've waited for this day.

Today, the doctor finally gave me the seal of approval that I'm completely recovered, and said that it's okay to move around a little more roughly. The midterm exams are over, so I'm even happier.

Well, I can't just be happy.

I haven't been able to move my body properly for a while, so I'll need some rehabilitation before I can move properly in a real fight. I've been working on my recovery menu since I was concentrating on my treatment, so I can start doing it tomorrow. I hope everyone looks forward to it.

Oh, and the report I asked the lab to send during the exam period has arrived. It's a report on Fuuka Yamagishi, the student with potential who was confirmed at the hospital before and has been undergoing detailed investigation since then.

However, I was looking forward to it, but from what Junpei said today, it seems that she is sickly and often misses school. It's a shame, since the report said that not only was she suited to the Dark Hour, but he also had a good chance of using her Persona abilities.

To be honest, I can't really give up, but as long as there's even one cause for concern, I don't want to push it. We must never again cause tragedy by relying on optimism...

Well, it's Takeba.

The first Sunday since my exams!

Well, I guess I was pretty stressed out from the exams, so today I was pretty impulsive... and I did a ton of shopping, hahaha.

I know I should say this after I've already bought things, but mail order is a monster, isn't it!? In hindsight, I don't really need these things, but when I watch the show, I just want them so badly...

Yeah, that's right.

Right now I'm regretting that I bought something I didn't need. A multi-purpose apron... what should I do? Ugh, it was Takeba.

5/25 (Mon) - Reporter: Mitsuru Kirijo

It's Kirijo. The results of the midterm exams were announced today. Akihiko was amazing! Excellent!

He had a hard time returning to the fight, and he seemed to be quite anxious before the exams, so I was worried he might lose his concentration, but he did a great job.

I told him that, but he turned his back on me, saying that he had to do it because it would set an example for his juniors. He's really not honest...

I'm a bit worried about the others. The leader seems to have been doing his best, but Takeba seems to have been staying in her room every day.

It seems she ended up with average results, and Junpei was... unbelievable.

As expected, they must be tired from going to Tartarus and defeating large shadows one after another. Although they look energetic, we need their help, but we can't let our activities affect their studies... We should be a little careful.

5/26 (Tue) - Reporter: Akihiko Sanada

Seriously... if you're going to make that much of a fuss then you should have just studied properly from the beginning.

Ah, sorry. Just when I came out of my room, I heard some voices coming from Junpei's room saying things like "Pathetic" and "What am I doing?", just pathetic and wondering what he was doing. Well, I guess it's understandable with those terrible test results.

Mitsuru was also quite upset about the grades of her juniors, but this was something that couldn't be helped unless everyone put in an effort. After hearing that shout, Junpei would probably think things through properly next time. Probably.

Plus, we happen to be living in the same dorm.

If push comes to shove, no matter how much he doesn't want to do it, I'll just force my way into his room and make him do some pre-exam practice.

Intensive training...that's a good word. I'm looking forward to the final exams.

By the way, we are still investigating Yamagishi. Let's hope she will become a valuable addition to our team.

5/27 (Wed) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

O-ki-na-wa!

…Oh, no, they were talking about Okinawa's beach opening on the evening news, so I just did it.

I was talking about that, so I just did it.

So, it's Junpei! The sea is really nice. My exams are over, and I want to have some fun, but I don't have any money or time... Ugh, I'm not going to be able to go to the sea for the rest of my life.

I feel like I say this every summer...ugh.

But the sea is nice. Blue sky! Black bikini! White sand! Red bikini! I want to go and play. Oh, by the way, what happened to the new girl? Does she like the sea?

5/28 (Thu) - Reporter: Mitsuru Kirijo

It's Kirijo. As always, Iori's report seems... stupid.

Well, from the beginning, I started these reports as just a memo for myself, and I don't have any strict reporting obligations. I'm just going to blurt out what I want to say, and if that makes me feel better, then that's fine.

It's good to use even if you're in the middle of nowhere.

Oh, speaking of Iori, I overheard him talking to Takeba in the lounge today, and it seemed like he was worried about his poor grades. It's easy to tell them to study, but I'll think about what I can do to help them more.

However... I noticed while Iori spoke that Magician's Arcana should have high magical power, so why does Iori's Hermes have such low magical power... Maybe next time, I'll get permission from him and study the correlation between abilities and Persona parameters? It's hard to find samples like that...

5/29 (Fri) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Uh, this is Takeba.

The exams are finally over, and there's some good news that we might even be hiring a new female member, so I should be in a good mood, but I'm in a bit of a bad mood today.

I overheard an unpleasant conversation in the school corridor...it was bullying.

I don't know who they were, but the two girls who seemed to be the bullies were talking about how they'd found out someone's weakness and how funny her crying face was, and stuff like that... and they were laughing out loud. Well, it wasn't an unusual story, so I just thought, "They must be bored," but... I ended up feeling annoyed afterwards.

Right now I have the power to call a Persona, right? Regardless of the type of power, the power is there to accomplish something, right? But even seeing that bullying scene and not being able to do anything...it's pathetic.

Sorry for complaining again. This was Takeba!

5/30 (Sat) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Well, it's Takeba for the second day in a row.

I was wondering what to do, but Kirijo-senpai asked me to keep a record of the matter, so I will continue on.

I don't know if it's related to the bullying issue I reported yesterday, but I found one of the girls I'd heard talking yesterday infront of the school gates this morning.

Yesterday, she was saying things like she was hearing voices and things that sounded like radio waves, so I thought something was a little strange...

6/1 (Mon) - Reporter: Mitsuru Kirijo

However, I don't know the details. I hope it was a coincidence. This was Takeba.

It's Kirijo... *sigh*. Well, something funny happened today. I couldn't help but laugh at the memory. Today's top news, which makes both Iori and Takeba laugh, is, without a doubt, the Junpei's Believe It Or Don't. I didn't know much about it, but apparently there was a comedian who told ghost stories, and Iori was imitating him. Akihiko says it sounds pretty similar, but even if you don't know the original comedian, it was still enjoyable.

To give a brief background, a rumor has spread around the school that a girl from class E in year 2 was found collapsed in front of the school gates, and that it was the work of a vengeful spirit. Iori told it in the form of a ghost story, but Takeba, who seems to have a hard time with ghosts, rebelled against it, and for some reason, he ended up investigating the truth of the ghost story.

I had originally planned to rely on them to at least conduct an investigation, but, how should I put it, the way Takeba was rushing headlong towards self-destruction... hehehe.

6/2 (Tue) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Um... My name is Takeba.

I can't sleep.

Since yesterday, I've given up Tartarus and I've been gathering information on ghosts... er, rumors, and everything I see, er... look weird.

I'm going to sleep with the TV on all night tonight...This was Takeba.

6/3 (Wed) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

Good evening. It's time for Junpei Iori's report.

...Huh, to be honest, I've had enough of ghost stories.

Yuka-tan said that she's going to hold a report meeting and gather all the information she heard on Friday, but it's not that easy to gather information.

Oh, it's not that she can't find any information... it's just that there's too much.

If you walk down the hallway, 9 times out of 10 people are telling ghost stories. The remaining one seems to be about next week's "Phoenix Sentai Featherman R". I think next time, Swan will sing the full solo version of the theme song by herself or something.

Oh, well, leave Featherman aside. Anyway, there's way too much information! Is this what they call the information society's Heigai?

The ghost story I heard today was also a big mess, with one rumor leading to another and mixing with another... Anyway, the ghost story about how if you listen to the mysterious old lady's broadcast, you'll die covered in blood, I think I heard it as a rumor in a public school when I was in middle school. It's just too much to handle. I'm really tired.

6/7 (Sun) - Reporter: Mitsuru Kirijo

Come to think of it, the leader seemed to be doing some research. He was talking to someone from another class, which is unusual. He does things quietly. Well, I'll let it go for me now.

6/4 (Thu) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Eh... fuwaaah, it's Takeba. Uh, I was complaining the other day that I couldn't sleep, but today I'm actually really sleepy. Maybe it's because I was thinking about ghost stories so much last night, but I had a really bad dream... I'm a little sleep-deprived. It was bad during class.

I don't remember the details of the dream very well, I was locked in the school at night, and I was wandering around half crying, when suddenly the place changed to Tartarus. I suddenly had a bow and an Evoker, so this time I was charging ahead with all my might, but suddenly a shadow appeared, took off his mask and said, "How jealous of you"... he had Oiwa-san's face.

Ah, but the investigation is progressing smoothly. From the information we gathered yesterday and today, we found a small commonality among the victims. Ah, I forgot to mention this. There are multiple victims. Tomorrow, we will verify it and announce it at the briefing tonight. We will have the results next week, so please look forward to it. This was Takeba.

6/5 (Fri) - Reporter: Akihiko Sanada

Takeba seems a bit enthusiastic. She said she'd go to the site tomorrow, but please don't do anything dangerous.

Well, those guys are no amateurs. They're quite skilled. Even though it's a hangout for delinquents, they won't fall behind that much... I should contact him... No, that's impossible...

6/6 (Sat) - Reporter: Mitsuru Kirijo

This is Kirijo.

No, I don't know where I started, but today was a tough day.

I trusted them... No, I still trust them fully, but as second-year high school students, they seem to lack thoughtfulness. Well, if that's what they're saying, we third-years should have guided them with that in mind. Let's be happy about their safe return.

Tonight, they went to a delinquent hangout outside Port Island Station. I'd heard the rumors, but it seems that the lawlessness of the place was terrible. They seemed to have escaped a close call, but I'll tell them to be careful for a while.

However, there was a big gain. According to information obtained at the hangout, Fuuka Yamagishi, a potential member of the team, has been missing for the past week. Also, the girl who collapsed at school is said to be part of the group that was bullying Yamagishi. At worst, Yamagishi may be the mastermind behind this incident...

No, let's stop speculating. First, we need to hear the details from the homeroom teacher who covered up Yamagishi's disappearance - was his name Ekoda?

Now, what should we do...? Come to think of it, it seems that the one who helped Takeba and the others was Aragaki, who just happened to be there. I realized by chance that I had still not lost touch with him.

It's Kirijo. It's been a while since I've been reporting this in a row. Perhaps they're still tired from yesterday's "investigation" or perhaps they played too much on Sunday, but all the second-years are already asleep. I monitored them during the Dark Hour just now, and they seem to be fast asleep without even turning over.

Today, there was something that bothered me a little. Apparently the second-years all stopped by a shrine during the day, and while they were talking about it, I heard the name "Amada."

At first, I just thought it was a name I'd heard somewhere before, but I'm sure the victim of the accident three years ago had the same name...

6/8 (Mon) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

I'm seriously dead today... Oh, crap, report, report. Huh...? No, you see, when you get lost in the Dark Hour, your memories are somehow erased, that's common knowledge for Persona Users, right?

Well, it's a bit late now though.

Ugh, sorry. I'm so tired and just want to go to sleep.

Umm, can I just post them all together?

A girl named Fuuka Yamagishi was locked in the gym because of bullying, and ended up wandering into Tartarus. The reason she was safe after being lost for a week was because, while time here stops during the Dark Hour, time there also stops outside of the Dark Hour... or so I think.

When examining the clock on the bike/backup equipment that Kirijo-senpai brought to Tartarus, it seems that you can tell the difference in the movement of time inside and outside... or so it seems. Hmm, it's complicated and I don't really get it.

So, we sneaked into the school in the middle of the night, took the same route as Yamagishi and entered Tartarus, and a large Shadow appeared, but we defeated it with our efforts, um... was there anything else? Ah, that's right. Yamagishi's Persona was amazing. It seemed to have a radar-like function, and can see all the enemy's weaknesses!

Oh, by the way, Kirijo-senpai has an unexpected lack of humor. If I said she was cute, I'd probably get punched. Well, I thought she was hard to get along with, so I've changed my opinion of her a little. Oh, I forgot something important! The large Shadows appear on the full moon! A customer who comes once a month! This is important information!

6/9 (Tue) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Well, it's Takeba. Today, Kirijo-senpai and Sanada-senpai are away visiting Yamagishi-san and their friend Moriyama-san. So, Tartarus is on a break. I'm still tired from fighting a large Shadow, so I'm not in the mood for Tartarus anyway. Oh, did I mention I was watching over Yamagishi-san? But it's not like I'm being selfish or anything.

On the contrary, she was extremely effective in the battle against the large Shadow, and it feels like she might be the strongest. Now she's collapsed from exhaustion because she used all her powers at once, so she's been hospitalized just to be safe.

If I had that kind of power, I guess I would join in... but this time she learned that SEES' missions are life-threatening. It would be great if she would join, but I don't want to force her. Ah, but the leader was quite welcoming and pulled her in...

Ugh, I'm thinking about a lot of things. Anyway, I'm really glad that Yamagishi-san is safe and that we were able to defeat the Shadow. This was Takeba.

6/10 (Wed) - Reporter: Mitsuru Kirijo

It's Kirijo. Seriously, if I had taken my eyes off Iori for just a second, he'd have been a complete flop... What a poke. I admit that I do lack common sense in some areas, but... Oh well.

Well, today after I returned from visiting Yamagishi and Moriyama, I did some light sword training.

With Yamagishi joining the team, I will likely be on the front lines as well, so this is training for that.

The fencing club was on a break due to the midterm exams, and I didn't go to club activities as often as I thought because of my Student Council activities. It seems my skills have deteriorated more than I thought. I'm trying to be a little better so as not to be a burden to the hard-working second-year students.

I need to train hard.

Not only the leader and Yamagishi have shown remarkable abilities, but Iori and Takeba also have something special, even though they are still developing. As one of the original members of SEES... I can't lose. Maybe I should follow Akihiko's example and try that "special training" thing once in a while?

6/11 (Thu) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Ah, it's Takeba.

Good news... Yamagishi-san has been accepted into SEES. Kirijo-senpai's invitation seemed a bit pushy, and I was a bit worried she wouldn't accept, but she seemed keen...

For now, Junpei is simply happy. He's a really enviable guy. This was Takeba.

6/12 (Fri) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

Hi, Junpei here! Today is truly a joyous and memorable day! Ahem... congratulations to our newest member, Miss Fuuka Yamagishi, on moving into the Iwatodai dormitory! Hip, hip, hooray! Yay! Cheers to our new friend, Fuuka!

Gulp gulp gulp... Phew! Oh, it's not alcohol. It's just Yotsuya sake.

Well, today Fuuka moved into the dorm, and I'm always excited to meet new people. Hehehe, it's good to have more members.

Yukari-chan seems a bit indecisive, but since they're both women, they'll quickly become friends. I heard that she was scheduled to move into the dormitory tomorrow, but it seems like she couldn't wait. Yeah, that's not bad!

6/21 (Sun) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

Ah, speaking of Fuuka... It seems like her homeroom teacher, Ekoda, has been punished for this incident, but I guess this was the work of the seniors... Well, even us students were getting annoyed with his nasty remarks, so it was like, "Serves him right!" When I asked Senpai the truth, she grinned and said, "Do you want to know, Iori?" No, that smile was probably many times scarier than when Senpai was angry. Ugh, so scary! I have to make sure I don't say anything unnecessary.

6/16 (Tue) - Reporter: Fuuka Yamagishi

H-hello! Oh, no. Good evening... Um, it's Fuuka Yamagishi.

From now on, I'll be in charge of all the backup stuff, so Kirijo-senpai showed me around the operations room... but for some reason, I'm also doing this activity report thing...

…Eh? Is that so? Ah, ah, sorry! You couldn't hear me just now, right? She told me not to worry about it, since it was just a formality, even though it was a report.

So... that's right. Can I just give you my impressions of the operations room's functions? The facilities here are really amazing. I've heard that Kirijo Electronics' technology is the most advanced in the world, but this equipment is even more advanced. Apparently, they're still using prototypes for testing... I never thought I'd be able to touch such amazing machines in a club activity, it's like a dream come true. I'm not sure how much I can help you with, but I'll do my best, so please look after me.

Was it a bit... stiff?

Oh, so I saw an interesting topic on the news today, so I'd like to share it with you... Well, it seems that a new vehicle control system for new urban transit systems is currently under development. After the monorail accident the other day, in order to prevent a similar accident... Wait, what?! That accident was caused by Shadow?!

6/17 (Wed) - Reporter: Akihiko Sanada

It's going so well that I feel a little guilty for suddenly increasing our fighting power and feeling strangely relieved.

If the hypothesis we discovered this time is correct, there will be about three weeks until the next full moon and the appearance of a large Shadow. We've made a strengthening plan to match this schedule, and thanks to Yamagishi, our new navigator, the exploration of Tartarus is going well, so on the surface there are no problems. Nothing.

But as the saying goes, good things come with many troubles.

It's times like these that we need to be on our toes and do our best. Especially Junpei... Ah, maybe I'm being a bit harsh. Junpei, you're doing well too. Don't worry about it.

6/18 (Thu) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

H-h-hi, it's Junpei.

For some reason, the last thing Sanada-san said yesterday is bothering me... At times like this, I'm usually the first one to be told off, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't worry about it and follow me. But actually, when you're nice to me, it really makes me feel down...

Well, well, please do as usual! Um, nothing special happened today... I guess? Oh, that reminds me, the school was recruiting new cultural clubs. Fuuka has also returned to club activities, so that's great! Um, which club was it? Art club... Photography club? Huh? Well, please ask her.

6/19 (Fri) Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Well, it's Takeba.

You may not have noticed, but I've been thinking about some weird things lately, and I may have been acting awkward around my senpais. I'm sorry if it offended you!

It's fine if you don't understand. I'll do my best as I have been doing.

Changing the subject... but the day before yesterday on TV there was a program called "Approaching the Real Face of the Kirijo Group!" It was a program that made things weirdly scandalous and like a third-rate scoop magazine. It made me feel bad watching it, but if you're just looking from the outside, you can make the other person out to be the bad guy as much as you want. Seriously... if you have a complaint, you should find out the truth before you say anything! I feel like that. I also tend to go ahead with my speculations, so I'm a bit remorseful.

...Ahaha, you don't know what I'm talking about, do you? That's all for today. This was Takeba.

6/20 (Sat) - Reporter: Fuuka Yamagishi

Good evening, this is Yamagishi.

I heard some unbelievable things today. 12 types of Shadow... 8 remaining. I had no idea that research had progressed to the point where we knew such detailed information. I'm a latecomer compared to you all, so I have to learn more and more things. I'll do my best.

By the way, the Chairman was researching the purpose of Shadows, and he said that individual Shadows attack people for "predation", but... I feel that's not quite right.

My persona... Lucia seems to have the power to sense the hearts of people around me. It's not quite telepathy, but I can sense small emotions and instinctive desires. Well, what I'm trying to say is... when I was locked up in Tartarus, I felt the hearts of shadows. It wasn't like an appetite...to put it into words...it was like they were saying "I want to go home"...

Hi, it's Junpei.

Today, Kirijo-senpai and Sanada-san are out, so Tartarus is closed. Kirijo-senpai seems to have gone to her main house, but I wonder what Sanada-san did?

It was dinner time when he went out, so I guess he ate somewhere around Iwatodai Station! Then he got full and sleepy, and didn't feel like going to Tartarus! Also, I guess the dinner menu was Umiushi beef bowl!

Well, I don't really care.

6/24 (Wed) - Reporter: Junpei Iori

By the way, I heard that a dog came in front of the dorm in the evening. They said it was a smart, cute, loyal dog, but I wanted to see it. I quite like dogs.

6/22 (Mon) - Reporter: Akihiko Sanada

Too bad, Junpei lost. Yesterday was pure training. That's right. As a penalty for not winning, I'll have him join me in some early morning training tomorrow.

…I'm not joking, I'm telling you, I'm not kidding.

Well, lately, both Mitsuru and I have been out a lot, so I thought that we might have been neglecting our training at Tartarus. Since this is a good opportunity, I'll make a training menu for Junpei and the others.

The field leader is fine for now, but sometimes he seems a little lacking in spirit. Well, I think he's just quiet, but let's train together sometimes to deepen our friendship.

I'm worried about Takeba. She seems to be out of her mind lately... She seemed to be worried in her report the other day. We're only one year apart in age, so I know it's hard to trust us. But if you want, I'll give you some advice. Keep that in mind.

6/23 (Tue) - Reporter: Mitsuru Kirijo

It's Kirijo.

Fufu... Akihiko, you're saying things like a senpai would. I can't let myself lose.

Not only Takeba, but also Iori and Yamagishi, if anything happens, please come and talk to us. We may not be as reliable as adults, but we are the same generation and can share the same worries.

That being said, it's not like you can spill everything you're feeling. Everyone has things they can't tell others. But if you trust us, we'll do our best to help you.

Well, I've digressed. Let's get back to today's report. Today is a new moon. With half a month left until the full moon, an increase in the number of people with Apathy Syndrome has been observed again. Today, the news were broadcasting someone suddenly squatting on the road and blocking traffic, and it seems that this person was also apathetic.

Fortunately, so far, the accidents have been limited to just after the Dark Hour, when traffic is light, so there have been no major casualties. ...Well, the fact that some people have become apathetic means that there has been enough damage. In any case, we will be fully prepared for the full moon. That's all.

Oh, that's right. Akihiko, where did you go without saying anything today? I don't mind you going out, but Tartarus is coming up in the evening. If possible, it would be helpful if you could leave a message. And...it seemed to me that you didn't have much energy when you got back. It's fine to be worried about your juniors, but don't neglect your own troubles. Got it?

Hi, it's Junpei.

Hehe... Ukukuku... well, Kirijo-senpai's report the other day was about how worried she was about us and it made me really happy, but... there was one thing that really hit the spot.

Umm, the part at the top that says "Takeba, Yamagishi, and Iori should talk to each other"...oh, the leader has been forgotten.

Hey! Ahahahaha!

Oh man, sorry sorry, that was a bit too funny. Well, as Sanada-san said today, I get the impression that he doesn't worry too much and just gets on with things calmly, right? Sanada-san said he doesn't envy him, but honestly, I do.

No, you see, I'm at an age where I have a lot of worries, right? Bad grades at school, worries about not being able to get a girlfriend, I'm on the verge of going bald from all the worries... but I should point out that I'm not actually bald, I just have street fashion.

...

Now, back to serious matters... I appreciate your concern, Kirijo-senpai. Thank you. But at least I am okay. That doesn't mean I don't have any worries... I have to figure them out and solve them myself.

More importantly, are you okay, Sanada-senpai?

Today you seemed worried in front of the boxing club room. You've been working hard ever since you came back, so maybe you're tired?

6/26 (Fri) - Reporter: Fuuka Yamagishi

I may not be able to be of much help to you, but if there's anything I can help you with, please let me know.

6/25 (Thu) - Reporter: Yukari Takeba

Hmm, it's Takeba.

Junpei... What do you mean, "an age full of worries"? And your worry is "not being able to get a girlfriend"?

Oh, gross.

Really gross.

It's a bit weird to live under the same roof as this guy, so I'm going to submit a motion to move Junpei's room to the roof.

Now, back to serious matters... I appreciate Kirijo-senpai's consideration. Thank you. But at least I'm okay. That doesn't mean I don't have any worries... I have to check and solve them myself.

More importantly, are you okay, Sanada-senpai?

Junpei said today that you looked worried in front of the boxing club room. You've been working hard since you came back, so maybe you're tired?

We may not be able to rely on you, but if there's anything I can help you with, please let me know. This was Takeba.

Good evening, this is Yamagishi.

I feel like I've gotten used to these activity reports. But when I listen to the records from the past, I think they feel more like a communication notebook than an activity report. Hehe.

But I think it's good. This way, we can communicate our feelings and understand each other.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if that were the case?

Until recently, I was always thinking about how my words were not being understood by the people around me. But it's not like that here. Everyone, is considerate of each other. Even today, the Chairman of the board of directors came all the way out of his way to come... Well, there is a limit to what you can say, though. Phew...

<-PREVIOUS ● NEXT ->

[dojae-huh]

Watched yesterday the show with GM anon recommended. GM really shows the same mannerism with Do, just more subdued. I guess they both picked it up from their mother (fist over mouth when laughing, the smile, turning the head away, and so on).

The host is that comedian who came out on TV a few years ago and was banned for 3 years. If I remember correctly, one of his friends eventually helped him to comeback to showbis (was it a role in a movie?). The man has a restaurant for celebreties (closed off for the public). I was surprised he made this show so stereotypical (he plays the role of an old gay man lusting for men non-stop). It's almost like I was watching a Thai show.

GM said again that he got into acting with the help of a model school in Seoul. There was an acting class, he liked the process, and decided to audition for a role. Both brothers found their calling rather easily.

What caught my attention is that GM entertained the idea of becoming a physical education teacher. Meanwhile Jae's father is a professor in recreational sports, his mother was a school teacher. The two families are well matched in their interests.

Kim brothers should do a scuba-diving programme. GM knows how to do it, Do wants to learn.

[dzpenumbra]

2/28/23

It's much earlier than I normally write. I'm absolutely wiped today. But it's been a big day, full of big accomplishments.

I didn't sleep well, I had very difficult dreams. This is pretty run-of-the-mill now. I'm really hoping that will change soon.

I've been doing this thing on the dating apps that I rarely look at because I just... don't get any connections at all... and it's really depressing... where I will pull up the profile of someone that I'm somewhat interested in, and then I'll just put down my phone for a while, tab out of the app, etc. Then later, I'll look at it and see if I still feel the same way.

I have a very serious problem with seeing the best in people. I'm sure a lot of people might scoff at that as a "humble brag" or some shit, but it's destroyed my entire life, and anyone who would mock that really doesn't know how dangerous it is to compulsively overlook serious transgressions. I mean, to be honest, oddly enough... those people are also the same people who look at someone in an abusive relationship and go "why don't they just leave?" I have straight-up witnessed this myself many times. It's... I mean it's just a lack of education, I can't really hate on it. It's just a general lack of education about mental health and the human psyche at a systemic level. Just... please be cautious, everyone, not to let that lack of understanding turn into... mocking, or shaming. It's perfectly fine to genuinely ask someone "why don't you just leave an abusive relationship?", for educational purposes, when you actually want to learn the answer. But there is absolutely no gain in asking that rhetorically, except to exalt your own perspective, as in... saying that as a replacement for "if I were you, I would've left, dumbass". It's just... arrogant bullying, it helps no one.

Weird tangent there, just putting it out there.

I have a problem with seeing the best in people, idealizing, that's what I was saying. So... I will very very often look at a dating profile and see someone I'm not really that physically attracted to (very bad to settle in this regard when it comes to a romantic partner), who I have maybe... one or two things in common with? And I'll feel the pressure to message there as though... I just found the one or something. Like "don't fuck this up". And honestly, I'm not even sure if I should be messaging them at all. Because best case scenario, we end up meeting up and going out on a date... and then... what? I'm just not attracted to them. But I have a friend? I mean, that's good from my end, sure... but... let's use some compassionate empathy here... That poor woman just went on a date with someone that she is attracted to, who is not attracted back... and they just want to be friends. I mean... it's not the end of the world for them either but, it's a bummer, you know?

So... I really try to give it extra thought when I'm trying to find a match. I take it very serious. And I come back to potential likes after a bit with fresh eyes to make sure I'm not idealizing. It's been working okay. But yesterday, I did that... and I came back and swiped left. And the chick lived in my neighborhood and had liked me. It was my first match since... since the goat bone chick. And it was a missed connection because I felt like I was idealizing and felt like while was somewhat attracted... we didn't really have that much in common on paper. And it sucks because... how well can you really get to know someone from a fucking Bumble profile? So yeah, don't really need to put that much weight on a dating app match, but it's super rare so... it felt sucky.

Today, I did yoga which was really nice. Well paced for me, strenuous at parts but not so much that it destroyed me. After, I did dishes (I know), cleaned the kitchen counters and the stove (I know), got some breakfast and called my mom back. We were suppose to go over cars today. To just... figure this situation out. Before that, I watched a video by David Lynch on transcendental meditation. And... meditation has been on my list for a long time. Like... mantra focused meditation. I found breath-focused mediation and... honestly shit has just been so chaotic up in my head that I've been a bit scared of meditating. Like... it can get obscenely overwhelming sometimes, emotionally upsetting. It's... kinda silly. But... here's where I can silver lining this pretty easily. If I make a dedicated area in my home for that? That is nice and peaceful and positive and warm and comforting and safe. I think that would help build the habit. In the same way that the yoga videos helped build the yoga habit. They made it a very positive, warm, loving experience. So... watching the video was a good reminder of... that creative, existential, spiritual side of my life that has been so deeply neglected because of the constant hectic pressures of moving, sickness, death and conflict. And with that absence, my art and my self have suffered. I have a feeling it's coming back very soon.

It took my mom and I a while to crack through and get on the same page. But after a while of explaining my perspective, my daily life and... what my limitations currently are? What problem I really have with owning a car? We started to make some progress. It was very revelatory for me. I realized that having my car out of commission, and having it be... my fault... because of neglecting it for months and months at a time due to PTSD, severe depression, and the pandemic... like... it wasn't my fault, but it was my fault, you know? And because of that, I'm super gun-shy to get a vehicle. Because I feel like I'm just going to go into another shut-in phase at any moment... and that car is going to sit out in the parking lot rusting and falling apart. And then I'll bring it to get inspected one day, and they'll say "we can't let you drive this". And then they'll rent me a car. For 3 months. When I have no friends or romantic partner to help give me rides and shit. And my parents will associate me with the bill this costs... And since this scenario is fresh in my mind, because it's still happening... I have a deep survival reflex stopping me from willingly doing it again.

I know it's catastrophizing, but I explained that I'm afraid that the risk of it happening again? That might be worse for my mental health than not having a car. Like... the guilt and feeling of lack of safety and anxiety... might actually make it more difficult to leave my house. And somehow... she understood that. She actually got it. So we took some time to think about shit while she did some office work and I did laundry (I know), and I ended up coming back with 3 things. A car sharing service for $15/month with a vehicle less than a mile away from me. An electric vehicle called a "OneWheel" that's like... kinda like a balance board but with a giant offroad wheel you can ride around on, and headlights and shit. And a hybrid electric skateboard.

We were concerned before about the shared car being a bit far away from me, and wondering how I would safely get back from that parking spot at night, alone. And I think if I can get some sort of suitable lighting situation, the hybrid skateboard could work absolutely fine. The snow is kinda shitting on this plan, but... it's almost March... so... I'm a bit optimistic on that, but I think it should be okay. That way, I have a car if I need for doctors appointments or going to the skatepark or the rock climbing gym or meeting up and visiting with my brother/sister in law, or other friends that I'm yet to meet. And I can just skate to anywhere that's not too far away. And it'll help me stay used to being comfortable on a board.

And I told my mom that I can try this for a bit, a month or two or something, and if it doesn't work... if it's causing problems... we can brainstorm cars. My dad is looking to upgrade his car and it's... it's 10 years old... But like... I'll take it, I'm not picky... I'm just... I have that concern that it's just going to rot and fall apart in the parking lot, and that an older car like that might be more susceptible to falling apart. But it's an option if this skating/shared car thing is a bust.

So... I actually have a fucking plan. After all this horseshit. After months of craziness. I actually have a plan. And I'm just sleeping on it and seeing if we can think of any issues overnight, if not? It's getting ordered tomorrow. And I guess if I want groceries, I can either get them delivered, or pick them up in the shared car. It'll take some adjusting... but like... I went from a somewhat comfy life routine in June... to losing my dog... gaining and losing a close friend... gaining and losing a brother (again)... moving... and losing my cat... What the fuck hasn't changed? If anything, getting groceries delivered would be like... returning closer to how things were before Cerry died. Change is change, I just want to make life as smooth and comfy as I can right now, because the road has been rocky as fuck and I'm really ready to like... take some deep breaths and chill and get out of constant survival mode and start planting some seeds. Both literally and figuratively. My older brother gave me some indoor gardening kits for Christmas and I've been itching to get them set up, I just... I don't have any furniture and I feel like these guys are gonna need good light, you know? So I've been waiting for tables and the kits are still unopened. But... I feel like things are changing soon, and this place will have a lot more life in it. Lots of plants everywhere.

OH! I got my birdfeeder set up today, finally! I mean, I set it up yesterday, but the birds came to feed in it already! They found it so quickly! I'm a little afraid because they got a little territorial about it... a titmouse and a finch got in a little spat... and I'm a bit worried that they might... fly into the windows accidentally? I hope not. But they seem to really enjoy it, and it's really nice to have nature in my life again. I haven't had my own birdfeeder since like... 2017? There are a bunch of squirrels around, I don't know if they'd be stupid enough to try to jump over from the tree to my window on the second floor... it's like... at least a 10 foot jump... I guess we'll see.

So yeah, today was a completely different change of pace. I got lots of chores done, and came up with a decent plan to remove one of the biggest PTSD pressures off of my life. Even on very little sleep. I feel very... unburdened. I feel much lighter.

And I'm really hoping this helps me reconnect with skating. And get over my self-conscious bullshit about not "being good". So I can meet more people like me. And then they can get to know who I am and all the cool shit I can make. Music, poetry, jewelry, drawings, paintings, all kinds of shit. It might really be that the key to finding others to share my life with... starts with skating. I hate to say it, but I think it sounds more likely than with gaming. Gaming has just gotten too saturated. I don't know that, I'm just min-maxing again! Agh! Good lord.

Regardless of "percentage chances" and "likelihood of success" and shit like that, skating needs to pay off. If I look forward to skating... I will go again, and it will be less difficult to go, just like the skatepark at the end of the Fall last year. And if I go regularly? If it's part of my routine? It will be more likely that I make friends.

Is it obvious how lonely I am? -_-

There's also streaming. Which is still sitting there right within arms reach. But, as I said to my mom today - it's not streaming itself that's the problem, once I'm broadcasting it's fine, I know what to do, I have tons of ideas, I'm pretty comfortable. It's pushing the "Go Live" button. It's not grocery shopping, it's getting myself out the door. That's the barrier for me. And it's still pushing, despite having a few cool options. Like Noita with Twitch Integration, like Risk of Rain 2, like Rimworld. I even have another game on my wishlist by the devs of Prison Architect called "The Last Starship" that looks like it could be really fucking cool. I have ideas. I'm just...

Okay, let me just get this out then. I checked Discord the other day, I hadn't been on in a long time. No one interacted with me there, and I'd just constantly be seeing what games my little brother was playing with his friends that he never invited me to, which really fucking sucked. But I went back on to like... get used to having it open as part of getting ready for Twitch again. And I found messages. Messages from a guy whose Discord I used to mod for.

It's a weird story. I met him at a Cards Against Humanity stream with a bunch of random smaller streamers, we all just found each other and he was in the chat. He followed me over to my Twitch and found me there. That was a different era, I was smoking a shit ton of weed and was... well... much more confident, much more naïve and less acutely traumatized at that point. I obviously still had PTSD but... it wasn't... fresh. All the fresh trauma, that came after I met him. But we like... didn't know each other at all. He'd just chill in my chat occasionally.

Then I went to the retreat and got off meds after shit with my family and "friends" went south, after the "fresh trauma" hit. And I suddenly stopped streaming entirely. Because I couldn't stream from the retreat, it was a shared home, and I shared a room. I got back from the retreat like... 6 months later? Took some time to settle in and did my YouTube thing at first... then decided to start streaming again. Which was actually super hard. Because... a lot of people were very harsh to me about my streaming/YouTube stuff, and said very hurtful things. And they hadn't even seen the streams, but it still... did a lot of damage. I overpowered my "Go Live" fear, I changed my username, I got Rimworld set up and I started broadcasting... and within 10 minutes of starting the stream... the dude shows up. The first thing he does is ask me if I was <my old username>, which is like... horrific etiquette. I feel. But yeah, I mean... kinda defeats the point of a name change if you're just going to call me by my old name... that I don't want to be associated with anymore because it has traumatic associations...

He slowly got over that hump and started insisting on helping introduce me to other streamers and communities and shit. I went along with it. He linked me up with a community that networked new Twitch streamers to help them reach Affiliate status. Which can be... literally impossible if you don't have at least 3 friends. I mean that very seriously. If you do not have 3 friends actively watching your stream at all times, you are hurting your chances of ever being able to make a cent streaming. You need a certain amount of followers, average viewers and streamed hours during a specific period of time. You need all of those criteria. So if you have 300 followers, 100 hours streamed and a... 1.2 viewer count average? With that many hours logged? You'd have to basically not stream at all for a month to reset that. It's fucked up. But yeah... I went with these guys and tried to network, but none of them would chill in my stream. I hung out with the original guy, let's call him A, in his discord. I introduced him to Jackbox, which I was introduced to in the retreat, which was always a big hit. And I got us to arrange a regular night to do that, and A hosted it, and it became pretty popular. This was where I met two people around my age who ended up being my Rimworld series' biggest fans. And good friends, though we never really... hung out off-stream at all... which is weird... I have a feeling they will come back very naturally when I start streaming again, which will be a wonderful thing.

A rarely came to my streams. He wanted me to come to his. A never even really watched my Rimworld series, which was the absolute centerpiece of my life at that point. I was releasing 2x 15 minute videos per week at that point, it was seriously wake up, get coffee, let the dog out, start editing, lunch break, edit, stream, take the dog out, dinner, edit, sleep. With maybe a sunday off so I didn't go crazy. And I guarantee he couldn't name 2 characters from that playthrough. After a while, he appointed me one of the "Overlords" for his Discord server. A moderator, basically. But he really sold this whole image like... like the Overlords were there to basically be like a Senate kinda deal, I think. He played it like it was democratic, like we all had equal powers to him, the server owner, and we were there to basically keep him in check. Let me know if you see where this is going...

So we started to get in a bit of a routine, the weekly Jackbox night, my streams often raided into A's streams or vice versa. Mixing communities and all that, everyone getting to know each other. And I spent tons of time in his Discord, like every day. And then one day... one day this guy from that networking community that we both knew? He would pop in and say hi occasionally, but had his own discord community to manage and a very young son, so he was very rarely in A's community. This guy came on and put a message in general about how he was going to be doing some stream event at some point, inviting people. And A started freaking out. He deleted the post, he left a kinda passive aggressive comment in general that really didn't need to be there imo, he left some strong-worded comments to him in the moderator channel (I'm not sure if this guy was an "Overlord" too, but he definitely had a high ranking for some reason, despite never being active in the community), and I'm pretty sure he mentioned he was DMing him too. I left a message in the moderator chat and DM'd A personally letting him know that I didn't really feel comfortable with him like... publicly shitting on the leader of another streaming community, like... it might cause bad blood? Like... there are more polite ways of doing it? And basically told him that... this is me doing my job as an "Overlord" and keeping you in check, I feel like you overstepped there, and maybe should apologize. He obviously has a right to like... request people not self-promote... but there are different ways of doing it.

A's response to this was to... get piss drunk... and send me sloppy misspelled pissed-off messages at 4 AM... and remove my Overlord status. As you do, apparently. And I just took it as an invitation to leave outright. Two things should probably be mentioned here - 1) I did not request to be an "Overlord", in fact... I was pretty hesitant to even accept. I was incredibly overwhelmed already, doing everything solo, and really didn't want to take on more responsibilities, but he really peer pressured me into it. and 2) he set me up with my own corner in his discord to plug my own stuff - live announcements, youtube releases, shit like that. Not sure why, I could've just set up my own Discord... but... yeah. It was a thing.

So... I told him he was kinda doing me a favor by demoting me. Because the rank was pretty obviously bullshit, and he breaks his own rules. So... yeah. I kinda said "If you wanna do this, you might as well take down my channels, because I'm not really gonna be using them anymore." I really, really, really just did not want to be put in a position where people would come up and go "hey man, your username changed color, I thought you used to be an 'Overlord' (I fucking hate the gimmicky titles, just call them mods, dude), what happened?" Then I have to explain how a dude who I thought was a friend of mine decided to get drunk and "fire" me because I second-guessed his judgement, which was... supposed to be my job title... I felt like saying something like that to a member of his community, in his community, would probably lead to... more "retaliation". So I left.

I went off and just did my own stream. And lost regular game nights and shit. I met new people, which was nice. I started my own Discord eventually. But yeah... that always stuck with me. That really fucked me over.

So... A messaged me on the 15th. The first time since about a month before my dog died, when he last reached out. When he last reached out, he was just broken record trying different methods of pressuring me to basically "forgive and forget" and just "go back to the old days" or whatever. And I didn't budge an inch, I am actually super proud of myself for how I expressed myself reading those messages back. I was very articulate and direct, and compassionate, but without compromising my values and caving to what I now see as blatantly obvious consistent peer pressure. And this time, the messages on the 15th:

"Have you tried the Hogwarts game yet? [10:01 PM] I know the past blah. But I want to know if you're interested in it and if you have played what you think"

I'm tempted to link him an IGN review and leave it at that.

What I was very clear about was... that you can't really just fast-forward over conflict resolution. I wrote in the previous conversation:

"simply caring a lot about something doesn't make interacting with it functional, it takes work dude, time and effort that - for us - hasn't been put in. That's why every time we reconnect its like we just pick up right where we left off

because thats exactly what we're doing"

And he really just... I guess he's too ashamed of what he did to be able to tune in to how it affected me and really sit down and talk about it. Try to iron out some boundaries, to really be attentive to like... how shit like that affects me. I mean... like... I see this a lot. Where someone hurts me, then I express very clearly how and how much they hurt me, and they start getting very emotionally upset about the guilt or shame of having done that. Not concern for how I am feeling, not concern for the functionality of the relationship, not focused on the person who was hurt at all, but focused on how much it hurts their pride to have made an error. And how I am the one causing that pride-pain in them. And that's a big red flag for me now. I'm guessing it's a trauma thing? I don't know. But like... yeah. It's a red flag to me that my needs and my pain will very likely be weaponized against me.

So... what was weird about this was... in our previous exchange, he said:

"I want to move forward and I'm sure our next conversation will just be me bugging you about what game your playing these days or what's up in life. Point is if you are willing to move forward I'd like to."

It's been over 9 months, and he comes back doing exactly what he said he would do, what he was peer pressuring me into... and basically just acting like that whole conversation never happened.

That shit fucks with me, it honestly often makes me feel like I'm going batshit crazy. Maybe it's gaslighting? That would make sense if it was, I'm not sure enough about the definition to confidently use the term. It used to genuinely make me feel like I was delusional, I'm getting better about it. When I make a huge gesture of genuinely pouring my heart out, and put a lot of time and energy into being articulate and as clear as I can be, giving examples, using analogies, shit like that. And it is treated like my message didn't even go through, or I didn't even speak. It's like... okay. It happened when I was really high once and I was 100% convinced that I was dead; that I was a ghost and I just didn't know it and wouldn't come to terms with it. And that me realizing that I was a ghost, was like... potentially the beginning of the end of my spiritual existence in reality. And the big bad existential doom feelings hit like a freight train. THAT feeling. The feeling of being the ghost in the room screaming from another dimension and the people in the mortal plane don't even notice. I am way too familiar with that feeling.

And here he is... doing that again.

So... I FUCKING WONDER WHY I'M ANXIOUS TO START STREAMING AGAIN. GUESS WHO'S GOING TO DROP IN UNANNOUNCED WHILE I'M LIVE BROADCASTING AND BEING RECORDED.

XD

Someday. I swear. Someday I will start blocking people. The day will come. I... I don't think I've ever really done it before. Maybe once or twice in the very distant past, like a decade ago on Facebook. But I didn't even block my ex. I just... don't block people. It's weird. I also like... never delete posts that I put up places. It's this weird... accountability thing? Or something? Like I want to make sure that I'm really mindful of how I express myself without trying to control the consequences. If that makes sense. I want to be able to be honest, and allow people to disagree or be upset, without needing to control their reactions. And it's hard, especially with personal stuff like this, especially when it's normalized so much in our culture to just delete something you regret saying, and pretend you never said it. I feel like it helps me speak with more integrity, and subsequently think with more integrity. Or maybe I'm just making life way the fuck harder for myself than I need to.

ANYWAY. Enough of a big tangent there. Storytime is over, kiddos, time for bed. I know... I know...

So yeah, to make sense of this and sum this up for myself because that was a huge story sidebar... I got a ton of good stuff done for myself today, and my life is going to be changing a lot... but at the same time, not really. I will not have the constant drain of the rental car guilt hanging over me, making me feel unsafe, which will let me generate confidence more freely, which I hope to direct into skating and streaming. Both for social connections, both for personal growth and artistic connections. We'll see how this all plays out! Good night!

[synchronousemma]

Saturday, 25th June: Mr. Knightley leaves for London

Read the post and comment on WordPress

Read: Vol. 3, chs. 8-9 [44-45]; pp. 247-254 ("She was just as determined" to "'her home so long'").

Context

Emma calls on the Bateses. She learns that Jane Fairfax has agreed to take a position as a governess, and that Frank Churchill has left for Richmond. Mr. Knightley leaves for a few days’ visit to London.

This occurs “the morrow” after the Box Hill party of 24th June.

Note that the sections “Bait and Switch” and “Love, Which No One Carries” contain spoilers.

Readings and Interpretations

Bait and Switch

Emma told herself yesterday that “she would call upon [Miss Bates] the very next morning, and it should be the beginning, on her side, of a regular, equal, kindly intercourse” (p. 247). On this call, when Emma’s entrance is delayed by “a bustle on her approach, a great deal of moving and talking” (p. 247), we suspect for a moment that a mortified Miss Bates may not agree to see Emma (as does Emma, who “had a moment's fear of Miss Bates keeping away from her,” p. 248). Miss Bates, however, does come, with the news that “‘Jane is not very well’” (ibid.). The beginning of the conversation between Miss Bates and Emma maintains the focus on “Emma’s conscience,” her guilt, and her determination to feel differently towards Miss Bates; Emma’s moral education, thus foregrounded, serves as red herring of sorts for the Jane/Frank plot that Miss Bates’s speech hints at. She reveals, for example, Jane’s unwillingness to meet Emma (“‘I can see no one’”) when Jane had just indicated willingness to receive Mrs. Cole (“‘it must be borne some time or other, and it may as well be now,’” p. 248). We may then ask why it is Jane, whom we may not yet know to have any grounds for feeling injured by Emma, rather than Miss Bates who stays away.1

Miss Bates insists that Jane is glad to accept at last the position which Mrs. Elton had, against protests, secured for her, but the evidence of Jane’s ill health casts doubt on this assertion. William Deresiewicz writes of the general untrustworthiness of the word “happy” in Emma:

“Happiness” and its derivatives are words that—aside from also being compromised right from the beginning by that talk of Emma’s “happy disposition”—belong, above all, to Miss Bates and Mrs. Elton. “Happy,” for the first, is the slogan of her diminished, dependent existence. “And yet she was a happy woman” [vol. 1, ch. 3; p. 12] we are told upon first meeting her, and again, that “[s]he is a standing lesson in how to be happy” [vol. 2, ch. 11 [29]; p. 166]. This may sound admirable, but what is it but a pitiable making-do that forces her to lower her expectations to the level of her circumstances, no matter how far her circumstances have sunk? For Mrs. Elton, “happiness” is the name of the misery and false gaiety she inflicts on herself and everyone around her, with her “apparatus of happiness” at Donwell Abbey [vol. 3, ch. 6 [42]; p. 234] and her outing to Box Hill, where, after the arrangements have been made, “[n]othing was wanting but to be happy when they got there” [vol. 3, ch. 7 [43]; p. 240]. Of the kind of happiness capable of being produced by the joint efforts of these two, by Miss Bates’s abasement and Mrs. Elton’s schemes, we get a fine sample in this picture of Jane after she accepts the position as governess: “She is as low as possible,” says her aunt. “To look at her, nobody would think how delighted and happy she is to have secured a situation” [vol. 3, ch. 8 [45]; p. 248]. (p. 54)

John Wiltshire argues that Austen’s awareness of the relationship between gender and economics is hidden in Jane’s illness:

Miss Bates, by regarding Jane’s illness as physical, only incidentally related to her acceptance of the governess job, and by separating the symptom from its cause, manages to preserve her view of Mrs Elton and her neighbours undamaged, just as the notion of neurasthenia enables the Chinese to believe that their complaints do not entail any criticism of the culture, the social system, in which they occur, or are unrelated to their personal history. Miss Bates’ pathetic strategy of dividing Jane’s symptoms from her social plight exposes, of course, Austen’s perception of the reality of somatisation, and thus of the social and gender relations which it serves to obscure. (p. 141)

The Governess Trade

In this scene, writes Lynda Hall, "Miss Bates not only facilitates Emma’s personal transformation, but she also sheds light on the confining patriarchal structures that can create both a ridiculous, pitiful spinster and a cruel, selfish heiress”:

Austen may be replicating “her culture’s stereotyping of old maids” (Devoney Looser, Women Writers and Old Age, 92) not necessarily to support or to overturn them [sic], but to expose the grim reality that has created them. It is through Emma’s actions to rectify her wrong (even while illuminating those aspects of society that lead to her treachery) that we see the ultimate transformation in the heroine as well as the intrinsic value of the spinster. Miss Bates knows her humble place and prepares carefully for Emma’s visit, although “Emma’s conscience told her that there was not the same cheerful volubility as before—less ease of look and manner” (378). Once Emma changes the subject to Jane, however, Miss Bates seems to be her same, garrulous, optimistic self. But this time the topic is rather sad, which continues to emphasize the cruel confinement of women’s place in society—Jane is to leave them for a governess position. And even though we know that Jane considers this step akin to submitting herself to slavery, we are reminded that Miss Bates can find the best even in this dire circumstance: [quotes from “‘It is a great change’” to “headache she has,” p. 248)]. The fact that Miss Bates must “disperse” her tears reveals that she realizes the difficulty of Jane’s decision, and she understands that her niece will soon become a superfluous woman like herself. (2017, p. 174)

Why, though, is the mood here so grim? As Patrick McGrath writes, “[i]n order to comprehend Jane Fairfax's reluctance to become a governess, one needs a sense not only of what it means to be a governess in Austen’s day but also of the precarious nature of that existence”:

To prepare their children, both academically and socially, for their roles in the future, the upper classes need someone like themselves. The proper lady, by definition, does not work. The governess—who must be a gentlewoman—is, unfortunately, neither fish nor fowl: because of her rank, she is not a servant; as an employee, she is not the equal of the wife and daughters. Even in the best of situations, a governess often finds herself “on the very edge of gentility.” Further, any serious illness would result in a financial catastrophe, driving her into the poor house, the insane asylum, or prostitution (Peterson 12-13). Not only is the life of a governess difficult, but it is a career for which women like Jane Fairfax are totally unfit by nature. While some women can have successful careers as governesses, Austen appears to be saying (through her different characterizations of Miss Fairfax and Miss Taylor) that Jane Fairfax does not have the makings a very good governess (West 34). Emma Woodhouse sums up Jane's nature: there is “‘such coldness and reserve—such apparent indifference whether she pleased or not’” in Jane’s personality [vol. 2, ch. 2 [20]; p. 107]. At the beginning of volume two, Jane returns to Highbury supposedly to recover her health before beginning her career as a governess, the profession for which Colonel Campbell has educated her. According to the narrator, Jane's health only deteriorates from “her usual strength” after Miss Campbell’s marriage [ibid., p. 106], a time when she must confront the reality of becoming a governess. Despite her many accomplishments, Jane Fairfax does not have the constitution or the emotional resilience one needs to teach children. (n.p.)

Hall further highlights the constrained choices available to Jane Fairfax: “From the start, independence is the key contrast between Emma and Jane—between a woman who can choose her life and one whose choices are made for her. […] Jane Fairfax, with all her elegance and grace, is ‘out’ on the market. She gives herself until the age of twenty-one to be chosen by a wealthy suitor, then she puts herself ‘out’ in the governess trade” (2007, n.p.). She elaborates as well on the economic and social realities attending governess work:

According to Edward Copeland, “For the position of governess, the most common employment open to a young woman educated in all the fashionable refinements, Lady Diana Beauclerk paid a woman in 1805, twenty guineas a year: that is, around $400 a year [in 1972 dollars], plus room, board, and a seat in the parlor” (“What’s a Competence?” 163). Copeland explains that with this minimal salary, the governess was to afford “the expenses of the millinery and hairdressing necessary to put in a genteel appearance in the parlor” (163). She would need to look and act like a lady without the income a lady would normally have. (Mrs. Elton’s fortune of £10,000 might earn £400 in annual interest—hardly comparable to the twenty guineas [or thirty pounds] that was the annual salary of the governess.) Her salary would no doubt leave little or nothing to put aside for a genteel retirement or a dowry to attract a marriage proposal.

Beyond the monetary disadvantages, the psychosocial consequences must be of grave importance to a woman who equates this form of paid servitude to slavery. As Mary Ann Mason Burki argues, the lack of independence that comes with employment is the real evil: “being a governess produced great tensions for a woman who valued her independence. Depending on her background, it could represent either a secure step up into the middle class, or a dismal step down. In either case she could exercise no individual control” (195). As Copeland illustrates, the direction of the “step” was significant [...]: “the ground appears more threatening to those who are falling towards it than to those who are rising above it” (Women Writing 25-26). Copeland also explains the humiliation a character such as Jane Fairfax might feel: “Female employment looms as an especially nettling matter for the genteel heroine, who, when she seeks employment, unavoidably betrays her own class and all its urgent aspirations for station” (Women Writing 161). This dilemma is repeated in most women’s novels of Austen’s time: “Employment, either vaguely or specifically imagined, represents in women’s novels a hostile universe for the middle-class woman of whatever station” (Copeland, Women Writing 166). For Jane Fairfax, a woman educated by the “first rate masters” of London, who has lived as an equal among genteel families, rivals Emma Woodhouse in her beauty, and surpasses her in accomplishments, the step down is dismal indeed. (ibid.)

Love, Which No One Carries

Above the background of Jane’s plight, just how focused is this episode on Emma’s moral development? J. F. Burrows reminds us that “[a]mong the chief advantages of being a conventional heroine is that, if one truly repents, one is promptly and suitably rewarded”:

At first sight, Emma is rewarded in just this way. Jane Fairfax, certainly, is unresponsive to her overtures. But Miss Bates forgives her readily enough. And, when she arrives home, her father tells Mr Knightley of dear Emma’s unfailing attentions to the Bateses: [quotes from “Emma’s colour was heightened” to “glow of regard”]. When Mr Knightley checks an impulse to kiss her hand, Emma thinks it is from “some fancy or other,” not knowing that it is from the same union of jealously and self-command as now takes him off to London. Their state, therefore, is not of such “perfect amity” as she imagines. Yet he has forgiven her; and, in a fashion remote from Emma’s theories, their conduct reveals an increasing if unacknowledged love. Meanwhile, as we are yet to learn, Harriet (who had been made unhappy at Box Hill because he gave so much of his attention to Jane Fairfax) is congratulating herself that he has just given her more of his time than he now gives Emma. (pp. 112–3)

The “essential difference,” however, “between the events of that morning and a more conventional pattern of repentance-and-reward,” lies in “Miss Bates’ reception” of Emma’s repentance (p. 113):

For, though Emma is perfectly sincere, she is very full of her own sincerity. As she walks up the Bates’ stairs, she moralizes on the difference between her present feelings and those of other visits. And, when Miss Bates does appear, “Emma’s conscience told her that there was not the same cheerful volubility as before—less ease of look and manner.” We are not, I submit, to listen to Emma’s conscience as attentively as Emma does. Although Miss Bates had been hurt, she has now as little care for the snub as for the apology. Her thoughts are all of Jane’s illness and forthcoming departure, of the splendid prospects unfolded by good Mrs Elton, and of their grief in so sudden a parting. Of the Box Hill expedition, she says only that none of the others “‘seemed very much to have enjoyed it. However, I shall always think it a very pleasant party, and feel extremely obliged to the kind friends who included me in it’” [vol. 3, ch. 11 [47]; p. 250]. We need not suspect Miss Bates of conscious irony: the comic implications of the episode are both higher and subtler. For all their importance to Emma and Mr Knightley, for all their interest to us, Emma’s vagaries count for much less with those around her—and especially when those others are engaged in matters of serious concern. (ibid.) 

This image of Miss Bates’ unconcern is indeed at odds with Knightley’s earlier opinion that Emma’s insult may have lasting effects (“‘humble her—and before her niece, too—and before others, many of whom (certainly some,) would be entirely guided by your treatment of her,’” vol. 3, ch. 7 [43]; p. 246).

Footnotes

This detail is changed in the 1996 McGrath film, as Troost and Greenfield (n.p.) and Colon (n.p.) note. (Later, incidentally, Miss Bates’s conversation similarly simultaneously conceals and reveals the connection between Jane and Frank—when she is led on a tangent from Jane’s situation to the Crown’s ostler to Frank’s leaving for Richmond.)

Discussion Questions

Why does Emma reflect that “[i]t was not unlikely […] that she might see Mr. Knightley in her way; or, perhaps, he might come in while she were paying her visit. She had no objection. She would not be ashamed of the appearance of the penitence, so justly and truly hers” (p. 247)? What is the tone of these lines?

Is Burrows correct that Miss Bates is no longer thinking about Box Hill? Or is “Emma’s conscience” correct that Miss Bates has less of “cheerful volubility” as a result of her insult?

Why does Mr. Knightley abandon his motion to kiss Emma’s hand?

Bibliography

Austen, Jane. Emma (Norton Critical Edition). 3rd ed. Ed. Stephen M. Parrish. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, [1815] 2000.

Burrows, J. F. Jane Austen’s ‘Emma’. Sydney: Sydney University Press (1968).

Colón, Christine. “The Social Constructions of Douglas McGrath’s Emma: Earning a Place on Miss Woodhouse’s Globe.” Persuasions On-Line 3 (Fall 1999).

Deresiewicz, William. “Emma: Ambiguous Relationships.” In Jane Austen and the Romantic Poets. New York: Columbia University Press (2004), pp. 86–126.

Hall, Lynda A. “Jane Fairfax’s Choice: The Sale of Human Flesh or Human Intellect.” Persuasions On-Line 28.1 (2007).

McGraw, Patrick. “‘The world is not theirs’: The Plight of Jane Fairfax in Emma.” Persuasions 37 (2015), pp. 218–25.

Troost, Linda and Sayre Greenfield. “Filming Highbury: Reducing the Community in Emma to the Screen.” Persuasions On-Line 3 (Fall 1999).

Wiltshire, John. “Emma: The Picture of Health.” In Jane Austen and the Body. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press (1992), pp. 110–54. DOI: 10.1017/CBO9780511586248.005.

[meltwonu]

| 𝔲𝔫𝔱𝔦𝔩 𝔦 𝔪𝔢𝔱 𝔶𝔬𝔲 |     [Chapter 2]

pairing; fratboy!wonwoo x reader

this chapter’s notes; fratboy!wonwoo, dom!wonwoo, some soft ‘woo too, restraints, panties as a gag, dirty talk, degradation, name calling, oral(fem receiving), cum eating, sir!kink. My god it has been a week, a WEEK i tell you 🥲 Ldfkjdf I hope the lot of you are taking a big deep breath this weekend and doing something to relax or doing some self care cuz baby we all need it!💕 Treat yourself to something good! Take that nap! Buy that album! Get that coffee! I’ll try to bust out some thirst posts this weekend(i think we all deserve some, eh?🥴) should tumb1r not hate my blog and as usual, inbox round up tomorrow! 💕💕 For now, de-stress with ch 2 of UIMY, and have a great weekend! I love you!! 💕💕💕💕

chapters; 1 - 2 - x - x - x

You only get about 4 hours of sleep, if you’re being honest.

You won’t tell when asked because quite frankly, you’re a little embarrassed at how giddy you are to see Wonwoo today. You eagerly attend your morning class - panties already wet and mouth watering with the fantasies playing out in your head throughout the entire lecture.

“Hey, study buddy!”

Minghao slings an arm around your shoulder just as you turn to make a beeline towards the library, almost directing you into a different direction. “Where you headed off to? You wanna grab lunch?” Shit.

In the time that Wonwoo was gone, you’d spent a lot of time hanging out with other people trying to fill in the gap where, normally, you’d be spending underneath Wonwoo.

“I, um…�� Going to get lunch with Minghao was one of the things that had become a normal thing after your morning classes and you hadn’t had the chance to tell him that your ‘usual’ schedule was back. “I--I’m gonna go study at the library for a bit! I’m really sorry! Can we go another day?” You pout at him which quickly melts off of your face when he shoots you a knowing smile.

“Gonna go ‘study’ Wonwoo-hyung, huh?”

Minghao lets you go - telling you to let him know when you weren’t busy.

You all but tear the front door open once you reach the familiar library; sheepish smile when it makes more noise than you anticipate.

“Careful, wouldn’t want you to pay the price of breaking the door.”

Wonwoo smirks at you from behind the receptionist table; familiar and warm when you step closer to the counter. “Maybe I do? What do you know?” You quip back, cheeks warm and head fuzzy at the sight of Wonwoo back in his usual sweater vest and slacks.

He leans in closer to you over the countertop, gesturing to you to lean in close as well. His lips ghost across the shell of your ear as goosebumps rise on your skin and shivers roll down your spine and the familiar thrum of arousal pours over your body.

“I know you were probably thinking about me all morning, sweetheart. Thinking of all the things I’d do to you.” Wonwoo chuckles under his breath, “Your panties are probably already soaked, hmm? Like my good little slut always ready to take my cock.”

His filthy, whispered words are enough for you to whimper quietly - eyes downcast as you only lean in closer. “Y-yes… Wonwoo, p-please, I--”

Wonwoo leans away from you and you find yourself letting go of a breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

“You’ll have to wait. I need to file these late slips and sort these books.”

There’s a teasing smile on his face as he watches your lips part in shock. “But you can do that, right? Be patient?”

No.

“I--y-yes...” 

You pick a table far from the others as you watch Wonwoo roll the cart with books into another row of bookshelves.

It felt a little odd to you now that you thought about it - waiting so patiently for Wonwoo when you were used to him caging you in against a bookshelf with his fingers knuckle deep inside of your cunt or even just tugging you straight away into an empty study room on days when neither of you could wait to get your clothes off.

There was a certain softness that he seemed to show with you now; one that you appreciated and made you feel things that you’d never felt in any relationship before.

Wonwoo would admit he wasn’t always good with showing his emotions with other people.

“He only shows it sometimes,” Jeonghan had said, “Usually to his hyungs and usually when he wants something.”

Which was true.

He struggled with letting his guard down and a lot of the time felt shy about voicing his emotions.

But with you, he felt differently. He wanted to show you that he was capable of letting his guard down and capable of showing you the affection and care that you deserved - even if the relationship the two of you had started was only physical at first. The time away from you only proved to him that he definitely cared about you more than he had initially thought too.

While his semester abroad was entertaining and educational, he found himself thinking about you often in the midst of his excavations and lectures. Wondering about what you were doing and who you were with; if you really thought about him as often as you had messaged him so.

“Um, excuse me?”

“O-oh, huh?”

He’s pulled from his thoughts just as another student steps in front of him in the aisle of books. “Sorry, I don’t remember where this book is from. Is it okay if I just give it to you?”

“Sure.”

It takes twenty more minutes of you pretending to study before Wonwoo’s legs step into your periphery.

You open your mouth to speak but Wonwoo is quicker.

“Miss, I’m sorry, but I need to speak to you regarding some books you failed to return.”

You try to hide the wide smile on your face when Wonwoo leads you down the familiar, lonesome side of the library.

“I’ll have you step into this room, miss.”

“Wonwoo, there’s literally nobody here…” Chuckling, you step into the empty, cleaned room that Wonwoo had painstakingly made sure was dusted before you came. “Unless we’re roleplaying, ‘cause then, I’m sorry, sir…”

Wonwoo rolls his eyes, locking the door behind him before easily walking you backwards until the backs of your thighs hit the desk.

“You should be sorry, sweetheart. First, slamming the doors earlier and now overdue books? Tsk, when will you learn.” He easily slips into character, fingertips already ghosting against the exposed skin of your thighs before playing with the hem of your short skirt.

“How are you going to pay back what you owe, hmm? The damages might be irreparable.” He drags his hand up and under the flimsy material; appreciating the way your legs part a little more for him. A quiet moan floats past your lips just as his fingertips press gently into the growing wet patch of your panties.

“Already wet, too? Why exactly is that, sweetheart?”

“A-ah, ‘c-cause I want--want you to fuck me, s-sir… Been thinking a-about it all day… Just--just like you said...” You clench around emptiness, already impatient now that he had his hands on you.

“You have, huh? I bet you played with yourself last night, didn’t you? Fingered your slutty ‘lil hole and filled it up with a toy just to prep yourself for me.”

“Y-yes, sir…” Your guilty eyes avoid Wonwoo’s stern gaze, “I’m s-sorry… I--I couldn’t, ah, wait... Just t-talking to you, yesterday, I....”

Wonwoo’s fingers press hard against you, immediately rubbing your clit through your soaked panties as you mewl and lean into his warm chest.

“P-please… punish m-me…”

You can only whine around the fabric stuffed in your mouth; hands tied behind your back with Wonwoo’s belt keeping them bound.

Your body jerks against the small desk as Wonwoo fucks you from behind in the small enclosed space you were used to and a certain warmth pours over you knowing that nothing really had changed since he’d left.

“Shit, I really missed cumming inside your tight lil’ pussy and making you walk home with my cum dripping down your legs.” There’s a soft chuckle under his breath; cock curving right into your g-spot as you whine and squirm underneath him.

“Bet you missed it too, huh? Getting home and fingering your filthy ‘lil cunt, fucking my cum deeper inside of you ‘cause you couldn’t get enough of me. Fuck, and when you’d send me pictures of your cute ‘lil fingers covered in my cum…”

Wonwoo smirks at your back, placing a hand on your bound arms as he uses it for leverage to fuck you deeper and harder.

“I’m back for good now though, sweetheart. Let’s see what else your cute cock starved body can take.”

You can only moan back in return - spit soaking into the wet fabric in your mouth as Wonwoo only fucks you harder. “God, your cunt is so fuckin’ perfect. Made to take my cock.” When you clamp down onto his cock tighter is when Wonwoo realizes he misses hearing your voice - chuckling softly as he leans over your trembling body.

“I think you’ve learned your lesson, huh, sweetheart?”

He reaches around, tugging the soaking material from between your lips and placing it next to your head before he straightens back up. “Ngh… I, ah, s-sir…” You turn your head to the side, watching the wall as your body jerks atop the desk. “P-please… I--I wanna see y-you, hah, when y-your fuh--fuck me…”

A soft blush coats Wonwoo’s cheeks as he halts his movements. 

He clears his throat, pulling his cock out of you before stepping back and giving you space to readjust yourself. And with your arms still bound, you struggle slightly but manage.

This time, you sit atop the desk, spreading your legs wide for Wonwoo who licks his lips at the sight of your slightly mussed hair, blown out pupils and soaked cunt.

“That’s my good ‘lil slut.”

He positions himself between your legs, wrapping a hand around his cock and rubbing the head on your sensitive clit as you whimper. He circles the nub with the head of his cock, teasing you and himself as you squirm. “I take it you’ll be at the party tomorrow night, right?” His question catches you slightly off guard as you nod shakily.

“Good. ‘Cause I got you a present that I want to give to you tomorrow.”

“O-okay…”

Wonwoo sinks his cock back into you; cock curving into you perfectly as you cry out in return. “O-oh, god, s-sir--Wonwoo, I--fuck…” A choked sob bubbles up your throat at the feeling of him starting a harsh and quick pace, just how you liked it. “Mmh, my t-toys don’t feel as, hah, g-good as you… Fuck, you feel s-so good inside me…”

You wrap your legs around his waist, digging your heels into the small of his back to push him in closer to yourself. “Use m-me like I’m your little cumslut...” The desperation sets in; tears freely falling from your eyes as the urge to cum on his cock becomes unbearable from the hellish months without him.

“Please, p-please… Harder, fuck me harder! I n-need it!”

He grins, knowing just how you felt but keeping his composure as he doubles his pace. “So fuckin’ desperate for me, sweetheart. You sound so pretty begging for me. Is that what you sounded like when you were touching yourself too? Begging for me all night long?”

“Y-yes, fuck! Ngh, fucking my ‘lil holes with my t-toys all night j-just to be satisfied… Oh, god, Wonwoo!”

You can’t stop yourself from cumming - toes curling and thighs shaking as your walls flutter around his cock. Wonwoo only fucks you harder as soft growls fall from his own lips.

“Fuck, I missed this, missed you. Missed your tight ‘lil cunt cumming around my cock, sweetheart.” He mumbles soft praises to you, although you can barely hear it in the midst of your orgasm; ears ringing and head feeling hazy at the intensity.

Wonwoo fares no better - cock throbbing inside your warm walls as his orgasm hits him hard only after a few more quick snaps of his hips.

Your bound arms behind you do little to keep your tired body upright atop the table but you do your best as he rides out his high. “Mmh, I can feel y-you cumming inside me… Fuck, it feels soooo gooood.” Drool pools in your mouth at the feeling of his cock throbbing inside of you for the first time in months and you mentally tell yourself to never let Wonwoo disappear for that long of time ever again.

“Ah, I feel so f-full…” Whining, you squirm as he continues to thrust into you, fucking his cum deeper into your pussy as you throw your head back at the fullness and wetness you feel. “Oh… Wonwoo…”

He lets out a deep breath before he slowly starts to pull out of you - cock covered in his cum and your wetness as he watches his cum drip from your spent hole. You slowly unhook your quivering thighs from around his waist as he steps back slightly.

“I--oh--”

You watch as he drops down to his knees, face right in front of your dripping cunt before he leans in.

“Oh, Wonwoo--” His tongue peeks out, lapping at your soaked folds before he drags it down and starts licking up the cum. “Fuck, oh, fuck…!”

Wonwoo dips his tongue into your hole, teasing you as your legs tremble and you try your hardest to not clamp your thighs around his head between your legs. You start to fight your restraints; fingertips wanting to thread through his hair as you grind against his skilled tongue.

 He licks up more of the cum before dragging his tongue up to your overly sensitive clit; rubbing soft, slow circles on the nub until you’re a whining mess above him.

“A-ah, I--I can’t, mmh, ‘m too sen--sensitive, sir…”

He takes his as his cue to stand from his position, standing quietly before leaning over you. He threads a hand through your hair, tilting your head up and kissing you on the lips as you melt into his gentle touch.

Your eyes flutter shut at his soft kiss, lips parting slightly for him as he uses his tongue to push cum into your waiting mouth.

The kiss turns hot and heavy as he moves the salty, sticky substance from his mouth to yours - lips covered in a combination of your wetness and his cum when he pulls away.

“So pretty for me, sweetheart.”

When the two of you are somewhat cleaned up and ready to leave, Wonwoo stops you before you can get your hand on the doorknob.

“Hey, you okay?”

You shoot him a confused look, head tilted slightly at the bespectacled male that only looks mildly disheveled. “Um… y-yeah? Why?” His hand on your wrist makes your heart do backflips in your chest as he looks you over once more.

“I should’ve had some water for you and done proper aftercare since it’s been a while. I might've hurt you? Are your wrists okay? I can--”

“Whoa, hey, slow down! You’re, like, freaking out, ‘Woo.”

A pale blush coats his cheeks, “Sorry, I’m just trying to… be more… Expressive? I don’t know. It’s been a while. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” He laughs lightly, somewhat embarrassed himself. “I don’t want to be weird but, y’know. I want to take care of you properly, sweetheart.”

“I--yeah, I understand! But I’m fine, I promise!” You beam up at him - happiness evident in your eyes and your smile. “Thank you… for making an effort, Wonwoo.”

“Of course, sweetheart.” 

[blackradandmad]

why blippi is rotting yr children's brains

preface: i literally expect no one to read this. it is an essay length, strong opinion piece critiquing a niche youtube-based children's show that i don't expect most of y'all to even have knowledge of lol. but like, i promise that even if you know nothing about what i'm talking about, in my incredibly, super humble opinion, it's a good piece of writing and interesting nonetheless. anyway if you read this whole thing for some reason yr really hot and we should kiss.

i thoroughly vet everything my child watches before he watches it, episode by episode. and we rarely watch youtube for entertainment; we usually just look up educational videos when he has a question about something and wants more detail than i can provide him. and that's mainly because children's content on youtube is so fucking troubling and distressing. i don't judge parents who give their children a tablet at a restaurant at all bc i've been there and sometimes it's easier on everyone to just put on a video and avoid a giant scene, but i do judge parents who just leave their children alone with youtube kids on autoplay.

take stevin john, a literal millionaire who got famous from dressing up as a silly character called blippi and going on tours of places like aquariums, zoos, construction sites, etc and posting it on youtube. this has branched into a whole empire of blippi videos, hulu shows and specials, live shows and tours (that he outsources to another character actor), merchandise and so on. this 30-something year old man cites his main influence as being mr. rogers, but i question if he's ever even seen an episode of that program.

mr. rogers had no background in early childhood development or media production, but he revolutionized the world of children's media, because he respected his audience and didn't shy away from real world situations, all while creating a show with an enormous heart. mr. rogers begins his episodes by inviting the viewer in, literally changing his attire to be more comfortable, and talking about/doing things he genuinely cares about. whereas mr. rogers calmly and maturely addresses the viewer, blippi puts on a high pitched, contrived voice, interjecting every other sentence with a forced exclamation such as, "teehee! we're having so much fun!"

i don't find it a coincidence that john (blippi) is a veteran, either. his videos are completely devoid of the absurd, abstract, childlike thinking that makes children's media fun, creative, and entertaining. his thinking and process is methodical, devoid of emotion, and very superficial. this line of thinking clearly shows the kind of creative sterilization and emphasis on sameness and conformity instilled in the military. blippi simply observes things and interacts with them in a stale, matter-of-fact way. "this ball is purple! this ball is pink! anyway... what's over there? teehee! a car! vroom, vroom!" objects are colors, toy cars don't do anything but drive, curiosity is simply not encouraged.

he uses the "it's educational!" excuse to hide the fact that his show lacks everything that makes media a valuable resource for children to consume in the first place. further than identifying colors, numbers, and the occasional letter or shape, there is just this total lack of children's need for social and emotional development. when mr. rogers breaks the fourth wall to address the viewer and let them know they're special, it feels authentic and natural, because we've spent the last half hour building whole worlds with diverse characters and unique stories in a pretend neighborhood, learning about and enjoying different musical instruments, being exposed to and making friends with (even if parasocially, it is still a real bond to children when done properly) children who are similar to us in character regardless of physical or environmental differences, feeding the fish, making art together, and so on. when blippi tells the viewer, "you are very special, and i enjoy spending time with you!" it falls completely flat and feels unearned, because the last half hour was spent running around a soft play center pointing at bright, colorful objects, visiting interesting locations like farms or fruit production factories while failing to acknowledge the humanity of the humans actually working there (everything is machine or product focused; the human workers are simply an extension of the machine), learning "fun facts" about elephants that just list attributes of elephants, not taking the opportunity to inform the viewers of elephants' intelligence, or diet, or matriarchal society. it is a loud, sensory overwhelming display of a man so disconnected from the social and emotional needs and desires of children that he assumes they're stupid, easily entertained idiots who only need some silly dances and fast-moving cartoon graphics to give their attention (meaning time and desire to purchase products meaning $$$). john clearly views his audience as a means to gaming the algorithm and ultimately a paycheck by the hollow way he addresses them.

the show is so narcissistic, so focused on all the fun blippi is supposedly having, but he lacks any of the character traits that make individual children's show hosts memorable, so much so that he was able to have someone else who doesn't even vaguely resemble him dress as blippi and impersonate him and host the show or appear at live shows, and it went unnoticed by most of his toddler and child audience. the show is so formulaic and the character of blippi is so unmemorable that instead of taking the blue's clues route of developing a story of the host leaving for college and his brother now stepping in, or making some sort of believable excuse for the change in actors, they can simply swap him out with some random guy and not acknowledge it at all. although a comedy show for older children, the amanda show in no way could or would try to replicate the show with the same name but swapping out amanda bynes with a random teenage girl who is clearly not amanda bynes. it's weird and nonsensical and shows that his character is so much of a farce put on for a paycheck that not even his dedicated audience is affected or even cares when he is replaced by a random, unknown person.

this is completely garbage content made by an opportunist with no experience with children who saw his nephew watching children's youtube content, took it at complete surface level and still hasn't realized that while children's content only looks and feels so easy, entertaining, and enriching because it is so hard to do well. even with outsourcing his music, that aspect of the show still sucks. famous and successful children's musician, raffi, is known for his song describing the life of a little white whale, called "baby beluga." it opens with a calm strumming of his guitar, followed by the lyrics, "baby beluga in the deep blue sea/swim so wild and you swim so free/heaven above/sea below/and a little white whale on the go." is it silly and kind of pointless? yes, but the point is that he is captivating children and showing them the fun of listening to music, dancing, singing, and appreciating art. the "excavator song" featured in an episode of blippi about construction vehicles opens with what sounds like a default garageband loop and the flatly sung lyrics, "i'm an excavator/i'm an excavator/hey dirt, see you later/i'm an excavator." i don't feel i have to meticulously analyze the aforementioned lyrics; the stark contrast should speak for itself.

i have a million more criticisms about both blippi specifically and youtube children's content as a whole, but this is already so long and i doubt many people will get this far anyway. it's an issue i was completely apathetic towards until i had my own child and had to wean him off these kinds of junk food shows because i realized the fast-paced visuals and bright colors and repetitive songs/lyrics were putting him in this spaced-out, fugue state, and he thought he could demand this show or that show whenever he wanted. the moment he started regularly yelling things like, "watch! cars!" or "no! click it!" i knew i had to be a lot more invested in the things he watched even if just for entertainment or as a soothing message. i showed him an episode of mr. rogers yesterday and feared it would be too slow to hold his attention, but he was mesmerized, greeting and interacting with mr. rogers verbally, asking me, "what's that?" to different objects on the screen. since purging this low-brow children's entertainment, he has had a noticeable increase in attention span and concentration, can focus on a task for longer amounts of times, is more likely to "read"/look through books without me initiating it, and doesn't throw a fit when the tv/my laptop is off.

i just know that for me, growing up with so much unsupervised internet access definitely led me to real-world pain and consequences, and it seems like now children are born with an iphone as an extension of their arm. if my child is going to be consuming videos, i'm definitely supervising every second and am going to be highly critical of the videos and the credentials (or lack thereof) of the creators and team behind it. but i also know, from pure observation admittedly, that parents letting youtube kids autoplay parent their children for hours at a time is not an uncommon occurrence. and it worries me that a generation of children are being raised on videos that rely on being as loud and bright and superficially enjoyable as possible. what's the use of a child knowing their colors and alphabet if they don't know how to treat people with kindness and empathy and respect? there is something wrong for a children's show host to plug the spelling of his name at the end of his videos ("well, that's the end of this video. but if you wanna watch more of my videos, just type in my name! can you spell my name with me? b-l-i-p-p-i!") after essentially rotting his audiences' brains for a half hour. there's something so insidious about the prioritization of naming different parts of construction vehicles over honest depictions of and conversations about dealing with feelings, or why someone with autism may act differently than you, or what to do when you feel lonely, or ways to make art and express yrself creatively. also, not to mention the blatant police propaganda and outright worship is seriously jarring; as a black mother to a visibly non-white child, i cannot sit there and watch blippi show kids how to be a bootlicker for the shittiest profession on earth, but that could be a whole essay in and of itself.

anyway, thanks for reading, if yr looking for quality children's content, i recommend, in no specific order: mr. rogers, sesame street, the electric company, molly of denali, daniel tiger, bluey!, blue's clues, the odd squad, word party, trash truck, puffin rock, uhh... that's definitely not an extensive list but that's just off the dome!!! ok bye y'all <333

[burnedbyshoto]

sex tapes

— Midoriya Izuku is an overanalyzer in every aspect; it shouldn’t surprise you that he’s into making sex tapes too. When you’re stuck at home for an indefinite period of time, it’s finally time to pull them out and watch them together. —

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pairing: midoriya izuku x fem!reader

warnings: 18+, smut, sex tapes, spanking, sir calling, fuck machine, bondage, choking, slight degradation, dom!midoriya

word count: 3,697

a/n: i’m sososooososoosoosooso tired.... I apologize for any and all mistakes i did this from 2 am to 6 am...........im so tired...... this is for the bnharem collab as always, check out the masterlist for the otherssss buhbye!

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“You want to see our sex tapes?”

Two hours ago, you had complained about needing something to do.

Two weeks ago, Japan had been closed down indefinitely due to a pandemic. A virus sweeping across the nation that had even medical professionals with quirks unable to help. As Pro Heroes, you were given leeway to continue working under specific circumstances. 

Until things improved, Pro Heroes were not allowed out unless circumstances changed. A particular unit of one hundred heroes was permitted to keep up their patrols throughout the entire country because of their immunity to this virus. Unfortunately for you, both you and your boyfriend were not apart of that group.

Thus that meant that you were trapped at home.

Izuku Izuku had been your sweet boyfriend for a little over a year.

Two years after graduating from U.A., you had found yourself falling for your old schoolmate who worked at a nearby agency. He was no longer the short, awkward teenage boy that he was, but instead this tall stupidly buff adult Pro Hero. On top of his flowering, good looks, the two of you began to have instances together. Instances where you would both find yourself running into each other during patrols, having each other backs during team-up missions, and the many parties your old classmates pulled. It was only a matter of time before you held the sweet boy’s collar in your fist, and despite the aggressive look in your grip, you pressed a loving kiss to mouth. 

The rest was history.

He was truly something else. 

But you also learned somethings about your boyfriend that you didn’t realize was a thing until you were far too into this relationship.

For starters, despite how kind he was, how calm, beautiful, altruistic, and self-sacrificing he was in and out of his hero persona, it didn’t bleed into the bedroom.

While there was no arguing that he was a true hero, his aftercare was most definitely the best care of your life, you were almost ashamed to admit that you thought he was vanilla in bed. Not that there was anything wrong with being vanilla, you just didn’t expect him to keep a straight face at the feeling of your breasts pressed against his chest. 

You didn’t expect Izuku to be a sadist of sorts, using his quirk to inflict pain on you. To hold you against ties, sex toys stuffed in every available hole in your body. You didn’t believe he would whisper such lewd things in your ears, taunting you to not cum again despite his cock ramming into you at such bizarre speeds that you were completely overwhelmed. You couldn’t begin to fantasize the way that he would force your body into different positions -- positions you didn’t think possible of yourself! At every instance, he surprised you, destroying all of the theories your old classmates and you had once put together during late-night gossip sessions. As you grew used to this new side of Izuku, the side that made you seriously contemplate if he had some type of split personality, there was one thing you should have noticed from the beginning.

For the most prominent thing that shocked you was the one thing you should have seen coming from the very beginning.

The thing that just made sense for your over-analytical boyfriend to be into.

Sex tapes.

It took a single month of your sexual endeavors to begin for him to ask. You could remember it like yesterday; the way his green curls plastered to his sweaty forehead, his muscles tensing with his heavy breathing when his cock pulled out of your abused cunt. His green eyes, nearly black in their lasting lust, a reminder that you were his, trailed down your body.

“Do you mind if we try something new?” he asked, fingers massaging warm circles into your body. You had nodded, always eager to please your boyfriend in bed. “Do you mind if I film us?”

Had you known what you knew now, you definitely would have said yes still. But maybe you wouldn’t have been so willing to put up with every single time you two fucked if you knew this is what was going to transpire from it.

With the quarantine in place, the two of you could do nothing but watch the news in anticipation for the government to call for more Hero backup. Two minutes under quarantines bleed into two days into one and a half weeks.

The two of you were restless, on edge, and near feral. 

Neither one of you wanted to be stuck indoors, and it was beginning to transpire into your daily interactions. Who knew you would miss physical interaction?

But you two find common ground in releasing this built-up tension through passionate love affairs. You had always believed you and Izuku had a healthy sex life, the both you always finding time to get a good fuck in despite your demanding lifestyle. But this was different.

All-day, the two of you were going at it like horny bunnies in heat. If you hadn’t fucked on every inch of your shared apartment yet, you most definitely have now. The liter of lube the two of you had was gone in five days, and you were beginning to cross off all the sexual fantasies the two of you wanted to try.

Pegging? Done.

Sounding? Done.

Upside down sixty-nine? Done.

Food play? Done.

Every essential role play in existence? Done.

Putting on his costume and fucking him? Done.

You two had definitely gotten a lot of the ‘let’s try it out to see if we like it’ kinks out of the way. As a matter of fact, you were still recovering from wax play gone wrong because you didn’t have the proper wax but were too impatient for the proper one to come in the mail. There was a perk in being a masochist, you guessed. 

If you were honest, you really wanted to watch the sex tapes he had of the two of you. There was something oddly hot about sitting on the couch in front of the T.V. and view the various shots of the two of you fucking. You wondered how different it looked like from an outsider’s position, or if it seemed as good as it had felt. However, you didn’t know how to bring it up without being embarrassed.

So after failing to bring it up, you were stumped on what new to try. To get past this, the two of you had resorted to a website that had over 500 kinks and were now going through it. Things took a turn when Izuku sat behind you on the couch, his hands holding your waist, lips pressing against your neck while you scrolled through the list, trying to find one you both could agree to at the time. But you were never good at paying attention when Izuku’s lips pressed sinfully against your neck.

It took no time for you to straddle his lap, fingers raking through his thick curls, ragged moans pouring from your mouth when you ground against his hardening cock. His fingers gripping your waist in the same spot so hard you wouldn’t be surprised at the time this was all over your skin would be permanently dimpled in that area. Mouths meshed together in wet lust, his tongue coercing you for louder noises, more dramatic reactions to his dizzying force.

It’s when he presses your shoulders against the cushions of the couch, his teeth imprinting against your sensitive skin, do the words slip from your mouth.

“I-I wanna see our s-sex tapes,” you stammer, heat flashing deeply through, burning through your core as if you hadn’t had sex in years. 

For months now, he’s kept the videos hidden from you. You didn’t watch them, they definitely weren’t leaked anywhere, and as you said, your sex life was healthy, so there was no reason for Izuku to be watching them for pleasure afterward. Especially not of late. Your need to watch them on your T.V. was too high, and with them plaguing your mind, it seemed to come out now. 

Thus the question that started this all poured from Izuku’s mouth when he pulled away from you.

“You want to see our sex tapes?”

His forest green eyes peered down at you, they weren’t their usual nearing black with lust eyes, but instead a light green.

Excitement.

Darkened eyes were almost universally known as a promise for something good to happen, but no, not for Izuku. A smile spread across his face, pink tinting his cheeks while he nods his head in that same boy like excitement.

“Such a dirty fucking girl, wanting to get off on watching us fuck? ...I’ll go get it!”

Light eyes on Izuku was a threat. A promise that you had no idea what you were getting yourself into, a sign that you were going to be nothing but an experiment for him to try out. 

Izuku stood up, his tall frame seemingly bigger than he was, and walked away. You let out a ragged breathe that you had no idea that you were holding in while he retreated to where his phone most likely was. 

You lay awkwardly on the couch, pushing up against the plump cushions you could only imagine what his plans for you were. You didn’t expect him to pull out popcorn for the both of you to eat while you watched this, not after feeling his hard cock against your crotch.

But what would he do to you?

You yelped when his fingers grabbed your wrists, tugging them upwards, forcing you onto your feet. Blinking rapidly, you watched while Izuku wrapped a silk tie around your wrists, attaching it to the hook on the ceiling most definitely not to be used to hold your weight.

“Izuku?” you whine when he appears before you in a flash of green electricity. 

“The thing about our sex tapes is that I take them for... educational purposes,” Izuku sighs, his thumb running against your lower lip. He coats his thumb lightly with your saliva, his eyes remaining bright when he pushes your mouth down. “I take them to make sure that I fuck you properly each time.”

You whimper when his fingers hook around the waistband of your shorts and yanks them down. Your mouth drops in a shriek because something cold and full enters your cunt.

“If you want to watch them, that means I expect you to learn to. I want you to be able to fuck my dick the way that I want you to,” he sighs in your ear, obviously pleased by the way you arch into him. “Don’t worry, y/n, if you do well, you’ll get the real deal. If not? Well, we have time to waste until you get it right, don’t we?”

“Izuku, I didn’t think you,” you try to form sentences, but your mind is already foggy when he places a stool between your legs. It dawns on you that this wasn’t just a dildo that he shoved into your cunt, it was a fuck machine. “Holy shit…”

Izuku chuckles, stepping away from you and turning on the T.V. You watch while he connects his phone to the T.V., your arms already feeling like lead above your heads, and nothing had even started yet. His phone connects, and you watch with growing shallow breaths when he makes his way back behind you.

“Don’t look away from the screen, baby girl. I don’t want you to miss anything.”

Your eyes shift to the T.V., a familiar scene of your naked, cum stained body showing up on the pixels before you.

It was the very first sex tape.

“Now, I’m going to be giving you instructions. Pass them, you get my cock. Fail them, and well, we’ll see how long you can last there until you get it right.”

Without a second delay, the video plays, and with it, the fuck machine is turned on.

You watch the screen Izuku, and you kiss sensually. Your body stiff under his, obviously tired from the rounds you’d already endured. Izuku’s arms wrap under your legs, quickly slipping his cock back into your cunt, and the pornstar moan that ripped through your screen you’s voice made you scarlet in embarrassment.

“See, right there,” Izuku speaks to you from behind, and you shudder. The feeling of the cock slamming up into you was something new, the new angle was something similar yet different from riding Izuku’s own. But the tension of keeping yourself was proving to be a challenge. “When you circle your hips, throw your ass out more. Don’t be a prude about it.”

Your eye focuses on your swiveling hips, and you see what he’s talking about. Your ears burn in embarrassment, and you stammer in your discomfort. But before you could genuinely get your opinions out, a heavy hand comes down on your ass. 

He slammed his right hand against your ass cheek, making you shriek while your skin throbbed in his wake. The sharp pain made your legs buckle, a hot pressure igniting in your core, and another loud slap repeated on your opposite cheek.

Fisting in your hair, you yelped loudly when Izuku yanked your head back. The arch in your back was dramatized by this action; your back ached as another heavy slap echoed against your wounded skin. His light, but still wild breathing hits the shell of your ear, chills shoot down your spine when he snarls.

“What did I fucking say?” he whispers in your ear. “I said to follow my instructions—” his hand comes down against your ass with every word, ignoring your growing wails— “I’m the one who’s keeping you from my cock, so you better start listening because my patience is already thin.”

The next spank that comes across your ass nearly sends you stumbling over at the strength and power behind it. Your arms tremble above you, the weight and struggle to keep yourself upright was a challenge as Izuku abused your ass.

“Answer me, baby girl.”

There was no stopping Izuku’s mighty hand against your tender ass, and you could not think of anything but how your cunt throbbed for the man behind you. Your sobs of pain had long ago become those of pleasure, and you could feel the raised prints of his hands on your sore cheeks. 

It delighted you.

“Y-Yes, sir!” You pant, your body trembling in your excitement and need for more.

“You like this, don’t you,” he laughs almost delightfully while he rubs circles against your heated skin. “I guess we’ll have to make this harder for you.”

And harder, he made it.

Izuku came for your speed, intensifying the machine that was currently slamming into your squelching cunt, insisting that you needed to outpace the machine. At one point, he even grabbed your waist and assisted you on your conquest of out fucking the sex machine, but it was overwhelming you. You could barely hear Izuku’s corrections, his demands for you to improve the dipping of your pounding hips, his advice of how you should be louder in bed, of how you should stop using your head so much.

But right now, you could no longer keep the focus on the POV video of you sucking his cock and were entirely mesmerized with the dildo thrusting into you and the way the recently placed gag felt in your mouth.

The fuck machine blows into your tight and slippery cunt, your eyes rolling backward at the mere sensation of the speed it was at, and a loud mewl leaves your throat. His fingers snuck behind your head, unfastening the gag, and was removed with a saliva string, and a sob croaked through your voice as your mouth was finally free. 

“Suck my dick just like that, baby girl,” on-screen Izuku pants, pleasurable noises following after only fueling the hot lava heat in between your legs.

You whimpered, watching yourself take his cock into your sore throat. The ever so eager on-screen Izuku wasting no time starting his face fucking.

You try to keep up with the momentum of the toy, pretending they were his viciously thrusting hips on-screen. Your hips fall against the toy despite its insane speed, keeping up with it according to the praises that now fall from Izuku’s mouth. Your breasts bounce with every thrust, and you moan, seeing yourself choke against his cock. Izuku chuckles, standing up behind you, his hands fondling with your breasts, his moans satisfactory and low, he was enjoying this a lot by the feeling of his cock pressed into you from behind. 

“Look at you, so desperate,” Izuku chuckles, his fingers tweaking your hard nipples. “So fucking needy.”

The words ignite a fire within you, and your legs tremble in unspoken glee. You wanted him to fuck you until you were nothing less than a mess. You needed him to give you his cock instead of this stupid fucking machine.

“IZUKU, PLEASE,” you scream, no longer satisfied with the fake cock stimulating your core. “PLEASE FUCK ME! PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR DICK! PLEASE, I NEED IT SO MUCH!”

Izuku chuckled, somehow pleased with your desperation, and with the sloppy noises of you sucking him off on-screen, and the machine billowing into your cunt, he let you free from the ceiling. 

He threw you against the couch, your tied arms moving over his head and pressing your sweating chest against his taut one. His fingers held onto his cock, teasing your entrance while he stared up at your pathetically needy form.

“Let’s see how well you learned.”

Without so much as a warning, his hips slammed entirely into you, and your mouth dropped into a silent scream at the way his thick cock pressed against your cervix. It was a familiar sensation now, and excitement you had grown to lust over despite the pain it brought you. 

You panted as he slammed into you, pulling you by your hips so he could get a rapid rhythm going. You kissed him, saliva, teeth, and tongue clashing together in this desperate clash, you clawed at his back, desperate to hear him snarl. Unsatisfied with his lack of response, you bit down hard against his lip, the familiar taste of iron filling your mouth. 

He let out his own pained moan as you sucked at his skin, which only coaxed him to drill harder into you, driving you further down into the cushioned couch that would have your back imprinted into it permanently.

His hand found your neck. “You’re a fast learner, huh?” he squeezed his hand around your neck, while he found the perfect soft spot above your breast to suck on, your choked moans a song in his ears.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you managed to squeeze out, your eyes clenched shut when you felt the burning coil build up in your stomach. “Oh, fuck, Izuku, I’m… I’m so c-close!”

“Is that right?” He said through his own labored breathing. He sucked on his index finger before trailing it down to your sensitive nub and began rubbing it, making your hair stand up on your skin.

His hand against your throat tightened, and black dots littered your vision; the heat of his hands burned against your skin. His teeth sunk far into your shoulder, enough for you to feel your skin breaking as his tongue moved in heated wet strokes to calm your now irritated skin. Then there were his nimble fingers running against your clit, your spastic walls clamming around his hammering and throbbing cock. But your bouncing and swiveling hips-- his taught lesson -- held no value anymore. Izuku’s hips snapped upwards fast enough and powerful enough to overcome and overwhelm you, disregarding any improvement you had made. The only thing you could make out with the way that you were no longer able to keep your eyes open was that his cock was hitting your bruised cervix. The sounds of your sopping wet pussy crashing against his forceful hips rang in your ears in a primal yet excited fashion, and the familiar sound of him using One for All to intensify everything about this fucking.

Your pussy clenched around his cock, and you dug your nails into his back, crying out when an ecstatic wave shot out through you, causing your legs to shake more than before.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” he growls, and once again slams into you.

Your scream is silent, your eyes rolling to the back of your head, your fingers digging into his neck, and your toes curl. His hips are driving, persistent, and have a goal in mind. You can barely keep up with him, your long overstimulated body wanting to collapse at the seams, but he doesn’t stop.

The couch creaks loudly under you, shifting against the floor until you swear you can feel Izuku having to take steps to keep with you against his powerful thrusts.

“Cum, Izuku,” you beg, your hips wildly thrashing against his. “Please, fill me with your cum!”

That’s all it takes, and a hot and heavy load shoots through you, and Izuku collapses onto you. His body twitching while his cock remains hard within you, the feeling of his cum swimming in your cunt, making your head spin with euphoria.

“Holy shit,” you mumble, unable to say anything but that. No amount of fucking had made you feel like this yet.

“I didn’t think you’d have such a… such a good reception to the sex tapes,” Izuku admits, pulling out of you and stumbling to his feet. 

“We are pretty hot,” you jest, trying to compose your sweaty and sticky self.

“You are,” he agrees with a sweet smile. “Give me a sec to clean you up!”

You could only hum when he presses a last kiss to your mouth before retreating to get you cleaned up. Your eyes fell on the camera that had been recording everything and was still recording. A smile perked on your face, maybe you did really like this sex tape thing he had.

[spade-of-violets-and-mints]

A reminder that in the U.S, today is Martin Luther King Jr.’s 93rd birthday, and it is also a national holiday. But today should not be a day to simply rest. It is a day to reflect, to act. To look back on yourself, your community, and think “How can I do better by those in my community? How can I be more actively antiracist, and how can I educate myself on these issues?” Reflection and action may be uncomfortable for many, especially white people, but discomfort leads to growth. Sit with that discomfort. Examine it. Racism seeps in to every nook and cranny of life, and it is felt in every aspect of life by people of color, especially Black people. The police officers who killed Breonna Taylor STILL have not been charged for arrested for her murder. Congress is fighting to keep the John Lewis Bill stuck in place, not going anywhere to get passed. It would expand voting rights, which is so important in what is supposed to be a democracy. Anti-Asian hate is still prevalent, and it has been ten months since the anti-Asian spa shootings occurred in Atlanta, Georgia. When a young, white, conventionally attractive, upper class woman is missing, the media is more likely to cover their case than people of color. There is a crisis of missing Native and Indigenous Americans that the media doesn’t cover often, if at all. Two days ago, an Asian woman was pushed in front of a subway in New York City and was killed. The majority of transgender people murdered in 2021 (the deadliest year ever for trans people) were Black and migrant women of color. And it’s not just racism in the physical world; there is abundant racism and misogynoir packed into online communities like fandoms. TV series and movies still aren’t doing enough to accurately represent people of color on the big screen. Those that do don’t get enough attention. We need to stand up for people of color, we need to work on unlearning our own personal biases, and calling out those we see for being racist, whether they know they are being racist or not. It is not the job of people of color to tell people when they say something wrong. You must do your own research. PAY ATTENTION to what people of color are saying! We need to change! Change will come ONLY if we are a part of it, otherwise we stay where we are. So reflect. Act. Do what needs to be done for your communities, both physical and virtual. Donate to antiracist organizations if you are able. Donate to people of color in need if you can. Even if you can’t do something physical, you can do research. You can learn. And you can unlearn. Go do it. Spend today learning and doing better than you were yesterday.

[alicemitch09writes]

lame

05.

there’s a scar you’re not telling

You almost thought you were running late. Well, you weren’t.

But you were late to miss the early train.

Fuck.

And the train was packed. Just fucking great.

With your backpack hung in front of you, you tried to balance within your personal space whilst avoiding bumping into others. Thing was, it was getting more and more cramped as it was rush hour.

Why the fuck did school have to be so damn far!?

Businessmen, students, workers slowly filled in and out the train, it was wall-to-wall of people, barely allowing you a breather. Still, it was fucking cramped.

Absentmindedly, you bunched your hair together, letting it drape over your left shoulder, fingers nimbly working on a braid through your (h/c) locks.

Just as you secured it with a tie, the train cart screeched, the sudden movement throwing you off balance, falling back. Thankfully, warm hands grabbed hold of your shoulders, steadying you.

Your eyes turned to the windows, wondering if there was an attack from villains, some people were muttering behind you, thinking the same thing. Overhead, the PA went off, apologizing for the turbulence then announcing the next stop coming up.

Everyone sighed in relief, realizing it was just a train momentum, people were now shuffling around at the announcement, some preparing to leave while many others struggled to remain in their current spots.

Looking over your shoulder, towards your captor, with a smile you offer your gratitude. “Whew, thanks- “then you met ash blond and carmine, smile faltering, lower eye twitching, but a gratitude was still in order. “Yeah, thanks.”

Bakugou Katsuki's response was a noncommittal hum, roughened hands slowly slipping off your shoulders. As the train came to a stop, there was a shuffling of people, you were just about to take a step back, allowing people to move, but remembered that he was behind you. Though you were steady on your feet, it was still rush hour and people tend to really rush into the train - not wanting to miss the train. One false move and you could find yourself squished against someone, or against the window, or be cornered by some pervert – all options made you shudder.

Damn it. This is why you take the early train!

“Here,” without waiting for you to argue, roughened hands gently brought you aside, your back against the wall, shoulder touching the railing, with him in front of you. Protectively.

The feel of his hands on you made you remember just how warm they were, how big they’ve become compared to before.

“Um,” you didn’t like the way his eyes bore into yours, especially when it felt like he was seeing through you. “thanks. Again.”

Okay, not counting the time you had to confirm it earlier, that was two times already. Two words of gratitude in one morning.

He just blinked, towering over you whilst the train filled. Just the mere fact that he was in front of you made you consider a lot of things. Now that you had a good look at him, you could see that in his UA uniform, he was dressed rather ruggedly with the top buttons undone, even his blazer’s not completely buttoned, and his pants were loose – Auntie Mitsuki must’ve given him hell for his appearance. It was a total contrast to Izuku, who dressed like a good schoolboy – granted, he’s always been one. He just didn't know how to work a tie.

Regardless, he looked every bit of a high schooler now. Physically speaking, he’s always been muscular in build and tall – because of his good genes. But in a matter of time, because of his UA education, he’ll probably build up more.

But wow, it’s only been a few months since high school started, he’s definitely gotten bigger. Izuku, as well, but Bakugou’s muscles were more prominent-

Shit, were you ogling him?

Geez, it’s too early for these thoughts. Leaning against the railing, eyes squeezing shut, tucking your chin in, you groaned angrily to yourself.

Thankfully, you had your bag in front of you, creating a respectable space between you both.

Also, you could just end up not talking right? That was a thing.

You barely know the guy anymore, after years of bullying under his command, years of distance – he was nothing but a stranger to you now.

It hurt, actually.

There was a time when you were so close, never apart.

Everything just had to change because he had a quirk, birthing this damn ego that propelled him further and further away from you. Izuku, too.

And though you had your own (longer than Izuku), you felt so behind.

Him and Izuku in their UA uniforms, you in your generic public-school uniform.

The two of them were going places you could never see yourself following.

“Hey,” he called, voice surprisingly soft, cutting you off your thoughts. “that mark on your neck,” due to the environment noises surrounding, he had to lean in so you could hear him properly. “how did that happen?”

Fuck. He was too damn close!

But at the mention of the mark, hands instinctively reached for it, just by the junction of your neck and shoulder, abnormally shaped like a heart. A tiny splotch, that was over years old.

“You wouldn’t remember.” It was barely a whisper, but it reached his ears, carmine eyes faltering.

“Try me.”

Lifting your head, (e/c) eyes meeting carmine, fixing him an almost pained look. He balled his hand into fists at that, gazes holding, unwavering - a thousand words could be spoken.

The train came to a steady halt, finally reaching your stop.

Not breaking eye contact, you told him, in one breath. “It was when you discovered your quirk in kindergarten.” Then the doors opened beside you.

Hurriedly, you exited, never looking back.

Absentmindedly, your hand reached for the mark. To others, it might look cute due to its shape, but to you, it was a reminder. One of the many, anyway.

(It burned when you touched it.)

Middle school was a rough time, especially when you were the quirkless girl, an easy target, or a punching bag. Little did they know of your martial arts prowess and of your quirk, that even though you were restless in the morning, you learned to conserve just enough energy to fight, it just made you extra tired the next day though.

One day, you were cornered by a bunch of girls, all of which were fangirls of Bakugou, they saw you as a threat because of your relationship as childhood friends, forgetting that it was rather strained.

It was a four against one, which you easily won - because they chose to approach you near dusk, that was when your quirk picked up, but not without casualties.

“E-Eh, (Nickname)!? What happened to you?” Izuku frantically hovered over you when you met on the way to school.

Chuckling easily, you scratched at your bandaged cheek. “Ah, you know…assholes with quirks.”

His expression only worsened; eyes filling with tears. “(N-Nickname)…”

“IZUKU, PLEASE DON’T CRY!” you cried out, tossing your shoes into your shoe locker, lazily slipping on your indoor shoes. “Don’t worry, Izuku, I got them all.” You assure, adjusting your bag on your shoulders. “Besides, you’re forgetting that I’m a badass who knows martial arts!”

That quells him a little, worry still in his eyes. “T-That’s true. I’m just not sure how to feel that you have to resort to actually using them to defend yourself. I mean, I know you’re good at martial arts, because it’s in the family, and you’ve always been kind of strong and quick on your feet-“

“Izuku,” cutting him off, you worked on a cheeky grin. “I’m fine.”

Unconvinced, he fixes you a look, brows knitting together. “Just promise me you won’t get into fights again,”

Ah, he’s so cute when he’s being serious.

Scoffing, you swiped at your nose with your thumb. “No promises, so long as loose assholes with quirks continue to run amok and mess with me, I’ll show them exactly how I’ll mess them back and worse!”

That only made him uneasy, somehow a bit assured. “(N-Nickame)…”

When you both entered the room, your eyes easily caught on the girls from yesterday, each sporting some cuts and bruises from yesterday. The corner of your mouth lifted into a smirk, whistling breezily towards your seat.

“F-For now, (Nickname), are you feeling better? Do you want some aspirin? Do you need to head to the clinic?”

You shook your head, smiling at Izuku’s concern, he can really mother too much. “Like I said,” you said in a sing-song “I’ll be fine~ This’ll all heal soon enough, you’ll see.”

As soon as you said that, a pair of carmine eyes looked your way, focusing on each and every bandage and bruise on your skin.

Feeling someone looking your way, you turned your head. “Can I help you, Bakugou?” you drone lazily, leaning back against your seat to give him a bored look.

“A-Ah, K-Kacchan! G-Good morning- “

“Should’ve stayed at home to rest, idiot.” He tells you, eyes never leaving the bruises and bandages.

“Fuck off.” You replied, knowing the girls from yesterday were watching. Hopefully, that assured them that your relationship was pretty non-existent. Dead.

For the rest of the day, you were teetering on sleep and academic dedication with the former winning at each turn – a drawback of your quirk. Thankfully, you managed to snag some sleep during Japanese Literature and Science.

“Ah, (Nickname), you look like you’re getting better. But it would be wise not to sleep in class next time…” Izuku tells you, beratingly.

Yawning, arms stretched upwards, you fixed your best friend a dopey grin. “That’s alright, I can always depend on you for notes!”

“Really,” he sighs, announcing that you two should probably head off to lunch.

Yawning, you made your way to the meat section, mumbling over and over the things you need to buy for dinner. Lately, because your grandfather’s been working with Eraser Head, he’s been quite antsy when it comes to food, and a bit demanding, too!

Tonight, he wanted steak. FUCKING. STEAK. IT WAS EXPENSIVE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! AND HE DIDN’T EVEN SPECIFY WHICH STEAK HE WANTED!

Grumbling under your breath, you were just about to reach for the Wagyu steak (on sale, lucky you) when another hand appeared, reaching for the same thing, making you halt.

“Ah-" looking up, you were met with familiar warm brown eyes. "Uncle Masaru!”

“Oh, (Name)-chan, it’s you!” Came his soothing calm voice, eyes brightening at the sight of you. “It’s been a while.”

“It has been, Uncle.” Your smile grew, turning to him fully before the cold wind gently whispered to your skin as if to remind you. “Ah, you can have it, by the way.”

“No, no, you were reaching for it first.”

“No, I insist!”

“Please, (Name)-chan, it’s the least I can do. Also, this at least gives me an excuse to make something else,” he replies sheepishly with a light chuckle.

You paused at that, processing the information shared. Bakugou must’ve wanted steak for dinner, but since Uncle Masaru gave up the meat, it was yours now. It was your win.

Pettily taking the win as yours, you happily took the steak and dumped it into your basket. “Thanks, Uncle Masaru!”

If he noticed the mischievous – almost devil-like expression on your face, he didn’t mention it. He just smiled, kindly, warmly, like how you remembered.

“How have you been?” he asks you.

Normally, the question would annoy you, because it was rather basic. But it’s not every day you run into sweet, mild, and good-natured Uncle Masaru.

“Eh, I’m doing very well, as you can see.”

“I’m so happy to hear that. You used to be the smallest thing, with scrapes and bruises on your pretty dresses. Whenever you and Izuku were over, it was either a riot or a party.” Okay, you had to laugh at that, but it was true. Uncle Masaru laughs with you. Having him remember those things were endearing, made you feel warm. And guilty.

“I know it might seem awkward, but Mitsuki and I would love to have you over for dinner sometime. If that’s okay with you? Of course, you can bring Izuku-kun.”

Glancing up, you met the man’s kind gaze, the one thing Bakugou never got from him – everything was from his mom, he only ever got Uncle Masaru’s spiky hair and height.

You didn’t want to say no, neither can you say yes, but you sure as heck didn’t want to disappoint Uncle Masaru.

“No promise, Uncle Masaru,” his expression fell, shoulders dropping. “but, I’ll see what I can do.”

He smiled weakly. “Then that’s more than enough for me. Just don’t be a stranger, (Name)-chan, okay?”

Smiling softly, you bowed at the older man and turned on your heel.

Cutting your losses with someone really hurts, especially when it involves certain people.

Cutting off from Bakugou meant you had cut off all contact with his parents, whom you loved so much since they took care of you for a time when your parents had passed – both taking turns to visit you when you were deep in depression. It hurt, but it was expected when you decide to cut someone from your life. Nobody is spared.

This time it was seven-against-one.

After having their asses served to them, those bitches managed to talk some filthy high schoolers into beating a middle schooler. A quirkless middle schooler.

Rolling your shoulders, you enjoyed the burn of your wakened muscles. “Wow, you bitches really want to make yourselves look bad in front of an audience, huh?”

So far, they’ve all showed to have power quirks that could be readily usable for the future, should they decide to make use of it. Sadly, their prized quirks turned out to be nothing but a waste for these fuckers.

You easily toyed with them for the first few minutes, allowing a few hits in before retaliating with a force and speed that was twice theirs. You made sure that the punches and kicks, especially to those bitches, stung and hurt, they were your own brute strength honed from training and your quirk.

A sickening crunch rang in your ear after some high school student punched you in the cheek, you made sure to return the favor by capturing his next punch, taking your legs up to strangle him by the neck, catching him completely by surprise, using your weight to swing your body towards an approaching somebody before jumping off.

Watching the two high schoolers stumble to the ground, you lazily walked up to the rest, fingers caked with dirt, grime, and blood, knuckles aching, a dark bruise forming on your arm, (h/c) hair was a mess.

Spitting blood on the ground, you wiped the corner of your mouth with the back of your hand, grinning at your next opponent, eyes glinting dangerously, menacingly, excitedly.

The rest of them faltered at your expression but didn’t back down.

That was alright, that meant they weren’t complete pussies after all.

Also, you liked fighting.

You came from a family of fighters, the thrill of it made your blood sing, made your instincts come alive – it made you feel alive.

“Hey, I’m a little disappointed,” you call out, watching the group – beaten and bruised. “you lot say you’re strong, an added bonus is your oh-so-cool quirks, so beating a measly, quirkless middle schooler like me should be no problem,” working on your most sickening grin, you tilted your head. “right?”

“Fucking bitch!”

“Now you’re really asking for it!”

“We’ll beat you black and blue!”

Falling into a stance, adrenaline rushed through your veins (and mentally preparing for a tongue lashing from your grandfather), when an explosion went off.

Clouds of smoke and sand filling the air, gushing furiously against the wind, making you squint.

“OI! IS THIS SOME DIRTY TRICK!?” you yelled, voice fading into noise of wind, sand, and explosions.

More explosions went off, going out at random – big, small, small then big. There was screaming and panicking on their end. Maybe they’ve probably found themselves in some yakuza turf and are being under attack? Shit, you had to make a run for it while you had the chance!

The sudden change of scene wasn’t good for your senses, everything was completely mushy and too much to comprehend. You at least remember where you put your bag, running towards a certain direction, you stopped at the sight of one of the fuckers. Their eyes widened at the sight of you, you readied a fist, but the gust was making your eyes water.

Falling to your knees, you covered your mouth as you coughed – having inhaled too much smoke and dust in your lungs, he saw this as an opportunity to attack you. But something grabbed him by the shoulders, some punches and groans followed, then an explosion could be heard before footsteps approached you.

Too busy coughing your lungs out, you were ready for any pain thrown at you, especially when you were at your most vulnerable.

Instead, a garb lands on your head, shielding you, arms easily scooping you off the ground, something lands on your belly, then loud hurried footfalls were taking you away from the scene.

The more you coughed, the more it felt like your lungs were going to give out, too strained to heighten your senses.

Eventually, your cough died down, your hands rubbing at your chest from coughing too much, throat dried out.

Ah, I probably will run into those assholes again, since we weren’t able to finish the fight.

You must’ve passed out – or dozed off, you weren’t sure – because the next thing you knew, you were being lowered down gently on a soft and cool sofa.

“W-Where…?”

Tugging the garb off your head, (e/c) eyes flinched at the light, strained to make out the furniture around you, the familiar TV set, the fancy-looking wall panel, the familiar staircase, that unmistakable family portrait – one brunette, two explosive blondes-

Wait, you were at Bakugou’s place?

What the heck, you haven’t set foot here in forever! Why’d he bring you here?

Fully coming to, you turned to the blond “Why’d you bring me here!?” you had to ask, demanding.

The sudden movement stung at your fresh injuries, making you coil in your seat.

“Where else was I going to take you?” he replied immediately, coolly, loud enough for you to hear as he was taking two bottles of water from the refrigerator. “My place was closest, yours takes a while to get there, plus, you wouldn’t want to worry your family, right?”

You stared at him, distrustfully, then at the water offered to you, shocked to find that he remembered how much your family would worry over your injuries – big or small. He was always the one carrying you home, almost witnessing first-hand how much your mother would be near tears, your grandfather giving you a murderous-worried look, and your father just ash-faced and pale.

Taking the water from his hand, you nodded your thanks, pressing the cool item against your jaw, hissing in pain from the punch thrown earlier.

Carmine eyes narrowed at that, an emotion crossing over them.

“Don’t move,” he orders, walking off somewhere, you don’t care, eyes wandering around the area. It’s been a while since you were here, the last time was when it was his 10th birthday. After that, though, you and Izuku stopped receiving invitations.

Twisting the cap open, you took gentle sips, relishing in the cool water running down your throat.

The Bakugous were loaded – because Uncle Masaru worked in the fashion industry and Auntie Mitsuki worked in a cosmetics company. The two adored you, treating you like a daughter they never had – Uncle Masaru would gift you cute dresses (which Bakugou would make fun of you whenever you wore them) whenever he can, and Auntie Mitsuki was a hard-ass woman you looked up to.

But since discovering his quirk, Bakugou had become unbearable to be with, a shitty friend to both you and Izuku, ties had to be severed. However, that also meant not being able to see Uncle Masaru and Auntie Mitsuki, who were surely saddened by you and Izuku’s absence.

Suddenly, Bakugou was in front of you, his gakuran unbuttoned, exposing his shirt underneath, a first aid kit in hand. Eyes meeting, a silent conversation was being held, carmine clashing against (e/c). Fixing him a dull stare, he clicked the first aid kid open. With a roll of your eyes, you allowed him to clean your wounds.

Silence filled in, nothing you both seemed to mind. Surprisingly, for a guy with an explosive, volatile quirk and a shitty attitude, he was rather gentle. Not like you’ll ever tell him that, eyes looking around the house, remembering the times you were over with Izuku, anything to avoid staring at him in awe.

“Do they always come for you…” having finished cleaning most of your wounds, his voice came out quiet, but you heard it, a statement rather than a question.

Blinking, you were unsure if he deserved an answer. He thought that was the case and asked again, dipping iodine into the cotton, “Do they always-“

“I don’t see how this is any of your concern.”

Noticeably, his fingers stilled. Then, something smoked, it was the cotton ball, now reduced to ashes. A beat passed before he found himself working again, getting another cotton, now applying ointment to your bruises.

“Do you always need to fight them back?” There was a slight edge to his voice, controlled yet on the verge of breaking.

(E/c) hardened down on him, a seesaw of options playing in your head.

“Have to.” You reply breezily, watching him snap his head up to meet your gaze, unfazed by the anger in his carmine eyes. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“No shit.” He growled, hands beginning to shake. “What I do understand is the disciplinary action you’re gonna get once people find out you’ve been fighting fellow students, even if it were an act of self-defense! Y-You,” he slammed his fist into the glass table beside him, cracking it a little, his head hanging. “you could’ve just called the teachers, told them, too. About those bitches…”

“Again, I don’t see how this is- “

“YOU’LL BE FUCKING EXPELLED, (NAME)!” head still hung low, you could feel his hot breath and tufts of his hair against your skin, making you tingle a bit. It scared you to be this close to him, after all this time. Scared of how he was still protective of you.

Hating how you could hear the guilt in his voice because, in a way, he caused this, he allowed this, he was the reason. He was scared for you.

And he called you by your name.

The seesaw in your head continued, teetering, options weighing one after another.

“…why do you care?” One option up, the other falls. In the end, you just destroyed the seesaw. “Why waste your breath and time on an extra like me, quirkless too, if I might add, why waste your time?”

His head snapped up to yours, his expression was a shock to you. Why…why did he look so devastated, so crushed, so- “(Name)…”

Unable to stay any longer, never mind your still healing body, you stood. “I’m going now. Thanks for treating my injuries. I’ll..." you gulp, hard. "I'll try to avoid getting into fights.” Without waiting for a reply, you grabbed your bag, heading towards the door. “Bye.”

The next day, extremely exhausted from the fighting, Izuku once again panicked at the sight of your bruised and beaten face. When you reached the classroom, you were more than ready to meet the gazes of those bitches – only to find out they had been suspended, as they were given serious warnings should they cause another fight with you.

Apparently, someone had reported their involvement in ganging up on a quirkless student. Plus, there was a video of them taunting you since first year.

Bakugou was in his seat, looking anywhere but your way. Returning the gesture, you quietly sat in your seat, listening to whatever Izuku had to say.

Since then, you swore never to get into fights anymore for the sake of Izuku, and because Bakugou practically begged you.

“How’s school?” your grandfather asked, helping himself to some bok choy.

Shrugging easily, you cut a piece of steak, gesturing for his bowl to serve it to him. “Could be worse, but I’m doing fine.”

“Clarify, silly girl.”

“Mathematics continues to chew me in the ass,” you tell him, avoiding the hit thrown your way.

(Name) – 1, Shihan – 0.

“You’re failing already!?”

“Translation: it’s difficult, not I’m failing. Geez, old man, context!”

You barely dodged the chop aimed for your head, making you wince from the pressure.

(Name) – 1, Shihan – 1.

“That’s no way to talk to your elders, silly girl!” handing you an empty bowl, you nearly pawed it off his hands.

Angrily, you scooped him his heaping, a mound of hot rice returned to him. “Where do you think I take it from!?”

(Name) – 2, Shihan – 1.

“Enough arguing, more eating, foolish girl! We have training to do!”

(Name) – 2, Shihan – 2.

Narrowing your eyes at your grandfather, you wished lasers would come out just to fry off the last of his remaining hair out of petty spite.

Regardless, you loved your grandfather and appreciated these banters. He was rough on you, only because he wanted to teach you to be strong and to be able to hold off whatever was thrown your way so you can repay them back twice, thrice, or ten times more.

You were his pride and joy the moment you were born and swore to your parents that he’d guide and protect you so long as he was still kicking.

“I ran into Uncle Masaru today.”

“Oh! How is the man?”

“Same as always. Not a single grey hair in sight, despite living in a household full of rabid Pomeranians and hitting his forties.”

The Yoruichi patriarch stared down at you, unamused. “Please don’t tell me you told him that.”

Snickering, you deftly avoided his chops.

(Name) – 3, Shihan – 2.

“Gramps, please, like I’d be so willing to break Uncle Masaru’s heart.”

“You don’t have a problem doing that to me.”

“Simple: you’re literally and figuratively old,” you pointed with your chopsticks, waving them in the air as you enumerated more. “you’re Shihan of our dojo, and you have to raise me!”

(Name) – 4, Shihan – 3.

You failed to block the flick on your forehead after finishing your piece.

“Don’t wave your chopsticks in the air, fool, it’s rude.” Snickering at your whining, knowing it’ll leave a mark, he ate more steak. “And easy there with your words, silly girl, otherwise, I’ll repay your kindness in training!”

Recovering, you smirk, helping yourself to some steak. “Bring it! You know I love a good challenge!”

“Oho? My, someone’s cocky.”

“I wouldn’t be your granddaughter, either way.”

You two laughed at that, dinner coming to a finish as your grandfather happily ate the last of the steak. Eyeing the leftovers, you delighted at the thought of tomorrow’s lunch.

Just as you were to clean up, your grandfather asked a question: “By the way, how is the young Bakugou boy?”

(Name) – 4, Shihan – 4.

You stopped at that, hands freezing in the air, feeling your grandfather’s stare on you.

“Dunno.” Came your reply, hands found themselves resuming their work. “Don’t care.”

He watched in silence as you arranged the empty plates, bowls, and chopsticks. “Still not in speaking terms, eh?”

“Yep.”

Your grandfather didn’t have to ask to know that something changed between the three of you, especially with you and Bakugou. What you two had was not something so easy to forget, especially when both of you had been so close. Since then, his name had been taboo in the house.

“He goes to UA with Izuku, right?”

At the mention, you feel the tension seeping away slightly, mouth fixed in a straight line. “Yeah…”

“Are they in speaking terms?”

That made you scoff, fixing your grandfather a dubious look. “Civil, to say the least. Izuku’s not a brute, not like that other one.”

The animosity was clear in your tone as you talked about the other boy, like a bitter pill. Strong arms, decorated in scars and tattoos, crossed against his chest, displeased yellow eyes fixed on you.

“Has he tried talking to you?”

Shrugging with one shoulder, you turned to a lone rice on the table, flicking it without care. “He has, but they’re pretty half-assed.”

“What makes you say that?” to which, he received another shrug from you, mouth twisted into a twisted pout.

Consciously, you reached for your mark, rubbing at it with your fingers. “Some things are better left unsaid, the same way that some things buried should never be unearthed. It’s better off that way.”

His eyes never left your form, taking in your slouch, the look on your face, the sadness in your eyes. “Are you talking about yourself? Because that’s a rather selfish line of thinking, don’t you think?” Shifting, he slowly stood from the table, you watched him stand and met his gaze, offering you a sad look. “In a way, aren’t you being half-assed, yourself?”

Winner: Shihan, Loser: (Name).

masterlist • six

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝑀𝑎𝑓𝑖𝑎! 𝐴𝑡𝑒𝑒𝑧: 𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑖𝑟 𝐷𝑎𝑢𝑔ℎ𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑆𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑠 𝐷𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔

Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, supporting, justifying or encouraging mafia activities or lifestyle. This is all fictional and not meant to represent real life scenarios.

꧁𝓚𝓲𝓶 𝓗𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓳𝓸𝓸𝓷𝓰꧂

"Mom! Dad's being annoying again!"

You walked into the office only to see your daughter huffing with arms crossed as your husband sat in his chair, busy writing something down.

"What is it this time?" You mentally prepared yourself to hear some silly thing.

"It's nothing dear. I already told her I'm considering allowing her classmate to take her to the school's dance." Hongjoong responded as if he wasn't guilty of anything.

"See? He usually says no. So what's the problem?" You asked your daughter.

"He's making an 'application to date my daughter' to give to my date!" Your daughter exclaimed.

"What?" You walked over to Hongjoong and snatched the paper away from him and began quoting some of it:

"Thank you for your interest? Please allow 4 to 6 years for processing? If you've been rejected, you will be notified by 2 men carrying violin cases? Any false information may result in punishment by dismemberment, crucifixion, Chinese water torture?!"

"Kim Hongjoong!" You threw the paper back at him.

"What?! I'm only trying to look out for my baby! I only want the best for her." He defended himself.

"At this point, you might as well send me to a convent!" Your daughter furiously marched away to go lock herself in her room.

"Are you happy now?" You raised an eyebrow at Hongjoong.

"Not yet. But once I finish these last details on the application, I will be." He smiled as he resumed his task.

You threw your hands up in anger. "You're unbelievable!"

Hongjoong looked back at you and stuck his tongue out.

"If you were me, you'd do the same!"

꧁𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓴 𝓢𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝔀𝓪꧂

Seonghwa kept pacing back and forth in the living room, unable to calm down.

"Would you please stop it?" You finally told him, annoyed by his fidgeting.

"Stop what?" He asked rather confused.

"That! Stop being so dramatic about this. You knew this would happen sooner or later." You reminded him.

"And I sincerely hoped it'd be a lot later. Waaay later." Seonghwa sighed.

"It's just a first date. It's not like sending one of your rookies out on their first mission." You joked to lighten the mood.

"There's a huge difference... this is my daughter we're talking about! My daughter! My beacon of light in this dark world." He pouted.

"Speaking of which, here she comes!" You pointed to your daughter, who is happily skipping over to you two.

"Look mom! What do you think?! Do you think he'll like it?!" She asked as she twirled around in a sparkly red dress.

"You look gorgeous honey. Of course he'll like it! Right Seonghwa?"

You turned to Seonghwa, who just stood there awkwardly, his eye was visibly twitching.

"Does.....does it have to be that short?" He asked.

He let out a yelp of pain when you elbowed him on his side. He looked over at you and you silently warned him to behave.

Sighing, he smiled at your daughter. "You're absolutely beautiful darling."

She beamed with happiness and hugged you both before running out the door once she heard a car beeping. Seonghwa just watched her as she left.

"See? That wasn't so bad right? The overprotective dad mode isn't necessary."

Seonghwa laughed awkwardly at that.

"Haha....yeah right."

As soon as you were out of sight, he took out his phone and dialed a number.

"All units on sector 3 better report to me any sign of physical contact that happens between them. Over."

꧁𝓙𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓸꧂

"It's already 2:31, she's late." Yunho blurted out.

"What are you talking about?" You asked him.

"I mean school is over at 2, it's only a 30 minute drive from here to there and vice versa. They're late, we gotta make sure they're all right."

You grabbed his arm when he sprinted from the couch.

"Yunho, it's only been 1 minute-"

"2 minutes now actually." He corrected you.

You sighed, praying for patience.

"Point is, it's her first day of school, maybe there was a lot of traffic and you're overreacting. She'll be here soon." You tried to calm him down.

Yunho sat back down and huffed. "I still say we should have just home schooled her."

"Public school isn't going to kill her!" You argued.

"I got the best tutors and professors on speed dial. They're more than willing to give my daughter the best education money can buy!" Yunho repeated what he's been saying for months.

"She needs to learn to interact with people, develop social skills. You're making a fuss over nothing. It's only the first day, and see? Where's the danger? What's the problem so far?" You tried reasoning with him.

"Problem is..... she's not here!" He exclaimed.

Right at that moment, your 6 year old daughter came running in, straight to her father's arms.

"She's here now, and in one piece." You told him.

"Hi sweetheart. Did you have fun today?" He asked as he bounced your daughter in his lap.

"Very! We got to paint, and play around, and at recess, a boy asked me to be his girlfriend and I said sure!" She babbled happily.

Yunho's smile dropped when he heard that last part. He looked over at you, and you were just on the verge of laughing at his reaction.

"See?! Now we got a problem! Some boy is already trying to take my daughter away and corrupt her!" He whined.

"Oh relax Yunho! They're 6 years old! The worst that can happen right now is he gets her sick or something." You shook your head at him.

Yunho held your daughter and looked at her seriously.

"Honey, listen to me. Stay away from boys, they have cooties and they're evil vicious villains who'll just hurt you. Ok? Can you do that for daddy?" He made puppy dog eyes at her.

You face palmed at him.

꧁𝓚𝓪𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓮𝓸𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓰꧂

"You know Yeosang, you've been having a lot more drinks than usual...." San pointed it out to him.

"I wanna drink tonight to forget and pretend like today didn't just happen." Yeosang said as he downed another shot.

"Yeosang, we've all been there like you were tonight. Trust me, you'll get over it." Wooyoung reminded him.

"Not me! I was the most supportive out of all of you! I was the perfect dad." San smiled, his cute dimples on full display.

"Hey! I was supportive as well!..... sort of. ." Yeosang replied sheepishly.

"Oh yeah? What happened then? Do tell us." Mingi rested his face in his hand, ready to hear Yeosang's story.

Yeosang began reminiscing about what happened a few hours before:

He stood there awkwardly, the young lad that was taking his daughter to prom right in front of him, trying his best to make a great impression of him. But Yeosang wasn't making it easy with his cold icy stare. He just couldn't believe someone was daring to come between him and his daughter.

"I'm ready!"

They both turned and looked over at you and your daughter, all dressed to perfection. The boy's breath was taken away and he was almost drooling. Meanwhile, Yeosang was clenching his fist so much it almost drew blood. After taking so many pictures, she hugged you both goodbye. The boy went to shake Yeosang's hand, but Yeosang instead pulled him in for a caring and ,somewhat suspicious, hug.

"Well then?" Hongjoong asked, snapping him back to reality.

Yeosang gulped.

"Ok. So I may or may not have threatened to cut off his balls if he tried anything...."

꧁𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓢𝓪𝓷꧂

Even though San was extremely close to your daughter and yes he was protective of her, he was also overjoyed and very supportive when she asked for permission to go on a date. He immediately stood up and began bombarding her with questions:

"Who was the boy? Where did you meet? How long have you two known each other? Where do you guys wanna go? How much will you need? Want me to set you guys up at an expensive restaurant? Are you two in love?"

On the day of the actual date, he seemed more excited than your own daughter. He actually hired a photographer to capture every single moment.

"Ok honey I think that's enough photos, the kids might lose their reservation." You tried to make sure they actually made it to the date.

San gasped. "Oh right right! Well you kids have fun and don't worry about paying! I rented the whole thing out for you two!"

He pulled your daughter in for a tight and squishy hug, reminding her how much he loved her and to take care. He also gave the boy a firm pat on the back before watching them get in the limousine and drive away. Even after a few minutes, he stood there silently.

He sighed happily.

"They grow up so fast.....it feels like it was only yesterday when I held her in my arms for the first time....."

You watched San and could tell he was getting emotional.

"Are you going to cry?" You asked him.

"Me? Cry? Pssht! I'm Choi San, the manliest man of all mafia leaders and I do not cry!" He declared bravely.

He then stood there awkwardly before turning back to you. Sighing, you opened your arms.

"Come here. Let it all out." You assured him.

Instantly, San held onto you, crying his eyes out, his heart full of so many emotions.

"Oh my god my babygirl is all grown and soon she'll be leaving me, and I'm sad but I'm so happy at the same way cause I love her so much, and I love you so much and I just miss my baby already even though she's still here!"

You only patted his back and nodded at his sobbing. At least he wasn't putting a tracking device on her.

꧁𝓢𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓲꧂

You knew it was all bullshit when Mingi said he was desperately needed at the headquarters with the boys. And Seonghwa even confirmed it when you called him and he said that everything was fine, no one called a meeting. You thanked him and hung up. Grabbing your car keys, you sped to your daughter's location, hoping to get there before something embarrassing happened.

You looked around the place, trying your best so your daughter wouldn't see you. She didn't, however you spotted a very familiar shade of red hair hiding behind some bushes. Discreetly, you crept up behind him and smacked his head.

"Ow! What was that for?!" He cried out.

"Song Mingi! You ought to be ashamed of yourself! Spying on your own daughter on her first date!" You yelled at him.

"It's my right as a father to make sure my daughter is safe!" He protested.

"Well you can do that....from a distance!"

Without warning, you grabbed his ear and pulled him back to your car to take him home.

"Ok! Can you let go?! I'll go back home with you!" He gave up and walked back with you.

"Good. Honestly, what were you thinking? Oh wait! You weren't." You huffed as you got in the driver's seat.

"There's nothing wrong with wanting your daughter to be safe and make sure her date treats her decently." He pouted like a little baby.

"Well like I said, you could do that from a distance. There's no need to be stalking her out like one of your snipers." You told him as you started the car.

"Yeah.....you're right...." Mingi sighed.

You smiled, proud that he was willing to accept his mistake. That was until he opened his mouth again.

"I mean, why put a tracking device on her phone and not use it?" He stated nonchalantly as he took out his phone

"Song fucking Mingi! I swear to God, if you did that I will make you roll out of the car!"

꧁𝓙𝓾𝓷𝓰 𝓦𝓸𝓸𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓰꧂

"For the last time....No!"

Wooyoung was stubborn. No matter how many times your daughter begged him to let her go to the school dance, he stood his ground and refused. She tried every single approach: she behaved like an angel, tried bargaining and even rebelled like a teenager but to no avail.

"Give me one good reason why I can't go!" Your daughter pouted.

"I'll give you three reasons: One, boys. Two, boys. And three, which is actually the most important one... boys!" Wooyoung was practically dramatic at this point, as if he wasn't already.

"You're going to have to let me date someday!" Your daughter retaliated.

"Absolutely....when I'm cold in my coffin or when hell freezes over. Whichever comes first." Wooyoung said.

Your daughter ended up locking herself in her room, refusing to see her father. It hurt him to have her rejection, but he only did it because he loved her. Unbeknownst to him though, you gave her permission and even arranged for her to be picked up by your friend so she could go to her dance. You hoped Wooyoung didn't notice.

"Where is she?" Wooyoung asked you, crossing his arms over his chest, his foot tapping on the floor.

You sighed in defeat. "She went to the dance. I gave her permission."

Wooyoung began screaming at the top of his lungs, getting agitated.

"Oh relax you drama queen! Her date isn't a bad boy! In fact, he's the sweetest boy ever! You know him, it's San's son!"

As soon as he heard that, Wooyoung felt like he was going to get a heart attack.

"Of all people, she chose San's kid?! Is she insane?!"

Wooyoung took out his phone and furiously tapped on the screen.

"San you little piece of shit! Why are you letting your devil of a son seduce my little angel? Hmm?..... Oh don't give me that! He's just like you! Behind that innocent dimple smile lies a demon, waiting to prey on the innocent and pure so they can corrupt them!! Curse you and your cute dimple genes! I will get you back for this!"

꧁𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓙𝓸����𝓰𝓱𝓸꧂

"So....what are your intentions?" Jongho asked the boy sitting in front of him.

"Excuse me s-sir?" The boy didn't quite understand.

"What are your intentions with my daughter?" Jongho repeated as he reached for one of the apples that were on the table.

"Well I... I....I'm not sure. I guess-"

"Oh? Not sure?" Jongho locked eyes with him as he effortlessly split the apple in half with his bare hands.

The boy noticeably gulped and stared at the crushed fruit.

"I I mean! It's only a dance! It's nothing serious-"

"Are you saying my daughter's a joke? Are her feelings nothing to you?"Jongho reached for another apple and split it apart just like the other one.

"I didn't say that!" The boy exclaimed.

Jongho nodded and reached for yet a third apple.

"Listen very carefully to me boy. I love my daughter so much. There's nothing I wouldn't do for her. I only want her to be happy."

He split the apple and set it down on the table.

"So let me make this clear: break my daughter's heart and I will break you. You know like what?" Jongho tilted his head at him.

"Like.....those apples?" The boy hesitantly pointed at the murdered fruit in front of him.

"Hmm? Oh no. Not like those apples."

Jongho smiled and pulled out a watermelon from one of the cushions.

"I'll break you like this watermelon."

Jongho's fist slammed down on the watermelon, effortlessly breaking it in half. The poor boy was now pale, fearing for his life.

"Daddy! I'm ready! Is the driver ready- what's with all the split fruit?" Your daughter asked when you and her walked into the living room.

"Oh! Nothing sweetheart. I was just splitting these for our guest. Gotta have a little snack before. Right?"

Jongho held out a parted apple to the boy, his eyes silently warning him not to say anything of what really happened. The boy simply nodded and took the apple.

"Y-yeah. Your father is really n-nice."

You frowned at Jongho when your eyes met. You knew what really happened. But he simply smiled innocently at you, like nothing happened.

Gifs not mine, credit goes to their respective owners.

[jin0]

OMG I haven't been on Tumblr lately and now that I log in the first thing I see is mess lol. White people, racism is a systemic issue, so nobody's saying you're straight up evil, but as the group that's most benefited by the system, you're more likely to take part in racist behaviors without even knowing. Even I, a Mexican woman with indigenous and Asian ancestors, have taken part in racist behaviors, even as I was experiencing colorism myself, because my proximity to whiteness made me clueless to other people's struggles. So it's not about witch hunting white people, it's about looking critically at ourselves so we can identify and unlearn the racist behaviors the system has taught us. And clearly, that anon hasn't been doing that, because they think the minor inconvenience of being called out as white people means they're experiencing not only racism, but the worst type of racism. Kim, there's people that are dying! Oh, Jin, I'm so sorry you have to deal with these people. You're just out here blessing us with horny content and don't deserve this shit

i couldn't respond to this yesterday cause i fucking fell asleep but i swear when i saw i was screaming cause you basically put it all in writing and to perfection too !!

the problem is that self righteousness, that need to feel like you're personally involved and attacked everytime we imply that a demographic that you might be part of needs to grow and learn.

the witch hunting part it absolutely perfect !! it's about looking into yourself and allowing yourself to grow !! i don't hate you because i tell you to learn and educate yourself !! the worst thing I could do is let you slide around with that kind of ignorance and one day end up in a very bad position because someone less patient than i and way more physical got to you. ignorance is the worst thing you could wish on someone, even your enemy !! and before they get on my ass again, you are not significant or important enough in my life to be a fucking enemy. i genuinely do not give you the care you think i give you.

we tell you to educate yourself and you get personally hurt talking about leftist rhetoric as if this wasn't common sense ?? the first step to evolve and grow is to let yourself be educated when clearly you're ignorant and to keep quiet !! because the voice of an ignorant person should not be screaming like that, not when it's not to ask questions but to spread stupidity and misinformation.

i had to grow and to unlearn my own internalized hatred against my skin color a'd myself !! i didn't want to keep going in life with this kinds of ignorance that mentally and physically impacted the way i treated myself !! we all have to learn something at some point and if you get hurt when we tell you that you might need to grow and learn, not only are we talking about you precisely, but we can't help you. not when you enjoy being stupid.

thank you so much sweets, i'm trying my best and after that it's back on the regular schedule : horny shit all day everyday !!

[twoidiotwriters1]

Written In The Stars XCV (Harry Potter xF!Oc)

A/N: TODAY IS THE DAY I SEND MY LAST ESSAY PLS PRAY SO I CAN BE FREE -Danny

Words: 3,601

Series’ Masterlist

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

Chapter Thirty: Through a Darker Standpoint.

"Is something on your mind, dear girl?" Dumbledore asked attentively.

Mel was writing down their last lesson before going back to her common room. Dumbledore told her this was the final class they'd be having that trimester, and she was deep in thought, her eyes fixed on Fawkes.

"No..." She said. "Well, yes..."

"You want to ask me–?"

"Did you mean it when you say you'd help me to become an animagus?" She looked away from the bird and directly into his eyes. "Or were you just humouring me?"

"Was I humouring you when I agreed to give you lessons?"

"No," She pointed to her notes. "Clearly..."

"I'll help with your education as animagus as much as I'm helping you with this," Dumbledore looked at her over his glasses. "Patience is a virtue, and learning will often require for you to wait."

"I know that it's just..." She shook her head. "I don't know, maybe I'm exhausted. I could use a break."

"I hope you find it refreshing. Anything else?"

Mel gave up, she closed her notebook and put down her quill.

"Is the third task harder than the others?"

"I see," He smiled. "Harry's done a remarkable job, Mel. I wouldn't worry about how things will turn out, the task, once over, it's over for good."

"But are you sure?"

There was a glint in Dumbledore's eyes that gave away his amusement. "You care a lot, don't you?"

"Some may say more than what's necessary..." She grumbled.

"There's no such thing as caring too much about a loved one's safety. I would've done anything to keep my sister safe. Wanting our family to be happy is the main reason why we do the impossible, isn't it? You more than anyone should know, dear girl."

There was always that uneasy feeling questioning how much was she truly prepared to face danger. One day, there was going to be no Albus Dumbledore to tell her what to do, just her and her skills. Mel could only hope that'd be enough.

"You two are to go down to the Quidditch field tonight at nine o'clock," McGonagall told them after the last lesson of the week. "Mr Bagman will be there to tell the champions about the third task."

When Harry and Mel made their way to the entrance, Cedric and Erick appeared from their respective passages. The latter threw a knowing smile their way that she ignored.

"What d'you reckon it's going to be?" Cedric asked Harry as they all went together to the Quidditch Field. "Fleur keeps going on about underground tunnels; she reckons we've got to find treasure."

"That wouldn't be too bad," Harry shrugged.

"Guess?" Erick nudged her arm playfully.

"Your brother moved out?" She ventured.

"I wish! No, my grandad wrote to me yesterday. He's coming to see the third task!"

"Oh... I didn't know others could come to see it!"

"I don't know if it's exactly allowed," Erick looked ahead, frowning a little. "He used his 'this is my last chance' speech, Dumbledore welcomed him with open arms."

"What've they done to it?" They heard Cedric's voice ahead, Mel finally looked toward the field and let out a tiny gasp.

The Quidditch field was no longer smooth and flat. It looked as though somebody had been building long, low walls all over it that twisted and crisscrossed in every direction.

"They're hedges!" said Harry, bending to examine the nearest one.

"Hello, there!" called a cheery voice.

"If you ask me," The corner of Erick's lips were up, holding back a smirk. "This is an improvement."

Mel hushed him before Harry could hear him, the boy was a huge Quidditch fan and still didn't like Flint, so Erick had to be careful.

Ludo Bagman waved at them to get closer, Krum and Fleur were there. As they grew nearer Mel noticed the radiant smile Fleur was giving Harry. She knew this was mostly thanks to Harry's act during the second task, Fleur was showing a new attitude of camaraderie that Mel thought it suited her. If she could keep it up and not complain about Hogwarts and their food, Mel figured she could even be a great friend.

"Well, what d'you think?" Bagman inquired as they finally reached them. "Growing nicely, aren't they? Give them a month and Hagrid'll have them twenty feet high. Don't worry, you'll have your Quidditch field back to normal once the task is over!" Erick gave a quiet 'hurray' that sounded nothing but sarcastic, Harry heard it. "Now, I imagine you can guess what we're making here?"

"Maze," Krum replied lowly.

"That's right! A maze. The third task's really very straightforward. The Triwizard Cup will be placed in the center of the maze. The first champion to touch it will receive full marks."

"We seemply 'ave to get through the maze?" said Fleur.

"There will be obstacles. Hagrid is providing a number of creatures... then there will be spells that must be broken... all that sort of thing, you know. Now, the champions who are leading on points will get a head start into the maze. Then Mr Krum will enter... then Miss Delacour. But you'll all be in with a fighting chance, depending on how well you get past the obstacles. Should be fun, eh?"

Harry, Mel and Erick shared a knowing look, Hagrid's creatures didn't sound fun at all when you were acquainted with them.

"Very well... if you haven't got any questions, we'll go back up to the castle, shall we, it's a bit chilly..."

"I have one," Mel said. "How are we going to keep a record on the champions, I mean, what if one of them gets hurt?"

"Members of the school's staff, as well as Mr Flint and you, will be helping around the maze, there's no use on explaining everything now but rest assured, Miss Dumbledore. There won't be any major risks."

Bagman attempted once again to have a private word with Harry, but Krum got there first. Mel came into a halt a few feet away, as well as Bagman and Erick.

"Could I haff a vord?" She heard Krum ask.

"Yeah, all right," said Harry, his brow raising a little and glancing at her for just a second.

"Vill you valk vith me?"

"Okay..."

"I'll wait for you, Harry, shall I?" Bagman frowned, a little nervous.

"No, it's okay, Mr Bagman, I think I can find the castle on my own, thanks," said Harry, trying to keep as a straight face, then turned to Mel. "Really. You and Flint can keep going too, I'll see you back in the tower."

Mel nodded, Erick grabbed her by the arm gently and pulled her along.

"C'mon," He said quietly. "Probably just looking for relationship advice..."

"From Harry?" Mel snorted, her arm slipping from the boy's grip. "Why would he do that? No one knows about us, not even Hermione so I don't see how Krum would–"

"'Oh, I have a question Mr Bagman, how will I know my boyfriend's safe?'" Erick mocked her. "'How can I physically walk away without having a crisis?'"

"That's not how I sound! And that was a fair question!"

"All I'm saying is that everyone knows, or at least suspects, that there's something between you two. You look insufferable happy all the time, I guess Krum wants to know how you do it."

"Because we're friends," Mel rolled her eyes at the expression on the boy's face. "I mean, we were best friends before we... I don't know, before we became this."

"Before you started dating," Erick nodded.

"I don't know if we're dating," Mel replied stiffly. "We don't go out alone, and when we do we have to be discrete so Skeeter can't have a reliable source. According to Harry, this is so I don't get myself in danger as it happened to Hermione. According to me... well, I can't help but think it's a bit like in my novels, you know?  Keeping things between us kind of makes it more romantical."

"I think I puked a little in my mouth," He scrunched up his nose.

"Hey, you asked!" Mel argued. "What were you expecting me to say? 'Oh yeah, kissing Harry is the most boring thing I've ever done in my life'..."

"I can't take that image out of my mind now, thank you."

"Stop being so whiny," She protested. "Is not my fault that you–"

She stopped short, knowing it was a sensitive subject and it could cause a big fight if not treated carefully.

"That I what?" He halted. "Say it."

Instead of finishing her sentence, Mel sat down upon the front steps of the castle's entrance and sighed. "I'm tired of arguing with you, Flint. If I'm honest, I'm sick of having to walk on my tiptoes and hold back my comments every time we speak."

"This is you holding back?"

"I mean whenever we talk about you," She raised a brow. "I don't have a problem telling you to sod off, but when it's about you it's like you don't want me to know anything. I almost had to force out your Grandad's name out of your mouth!"

"I don't understand. What is your problem?"

"Every wrong thing I say you immediately take it as an opportunity to run off and cut the conversation short. You know everything about me, why are you still acting like I'm not a safe person to talk to?"

For a moment he did look like he was about to ignore her question. His shoulders tensed and he looked away, reluctant to speak. Then, after ten awful seconds, he sat down beside her and let out a quiet groan.

"Think I liked you better when you were tinier and afraid of me..."

"I wasn't afraid," She stated. "I did think you were a bit intimidating, though..."

"S'not that I don't trust you. I've never... I'm not used to talking about what upsets me and when you insist that I should tell you– I... I get frustrated. It's exasperating, not knowing how to express my feelings."

"You, at a loss of words?" Mel smiled shyly.

"Yeah, shocking," He chuckled. "I made bad some decisions and now I'm surrounded by a bunch of gits. I know you want to see it as this endless world of possibilities, that if we try hard enough and live our lives how we want to, no one can hurt us– but is not like that... not for the most of us. You want to live in a fairytale, but all we have is this," He gestured around vaguely. "You and I, and a few people that don't think we're crazy."

"We should be allowed to live as we want, do what we want, and be with who we love! I don't get it– why is it so hard for the rest to understand?" Mel replied heatedly.

Erick stared at her with a funny look in his eyes. "You know, I did tell Joseph you're the smartest witch in school. I know you are, but sometimes your emotions stop you from being even better."

"You sound like my uncle," She scoffed. "I know I'm fickle and impulsive–"

"I didn't mean it like that," He interrupted. "You try to see everything through a gentle perspective, which makes it impossible for you to have a clear view... growing up sucks Mel, I know it as much as you do," He stood up and offered his hand, "we have to do it anyway though, and if you do it, you'll see how hard it's to choose based on how you feel instead of what's suitable."

The Slytherin gazed at her with a hint of something she'd never seen before, almost... pitiful. Mel took his hand and stood up, she felt disheartened by their talk, but there was no easy way to convince Erick to change his mind and there was certainly no way she would change hers. She figured that eventually, one of them would be proven wrong.

It was hard to see this nostalgic version of Erick as the same cold, sarcastic boy she was used to, it was hard to look into his eyes and see how much he looked like he was thousands of years older.

"You and Anne..." She mentioned as they reached the marble staircase. "You've made up your mind, then?"

"There's nothing to decide," He shrugged. "She'll do her life and I'll do mine, if I find a way to be together I'll take it but if not... I'm not going to regret a thing."

Mel wanted to say that he couldn't be sure about that but decided to keep it for herself, there'd been enough discouraging words that night for the both of them, and she didn't want to give him a reason to keep going.

Just as she was reaching the second floor Harry came rushing towards her, he didn't slow down when he saw her, just yelled 'Mr. Crouch appeared!' and kept going.

Mel ran after him without hesitation, she and Harry reached Dumbledore's office and yelled the password, however, it looked like it had changed since the last time she and Dumbledore held her last lesson because the gargoyle didn't move at all.

"C'mon!" Harry yelled in exasperation, running a hand through his hair.

"Harry, what's wrong?" She asked in alarm.

"The staffroom," He said in quiet realization, turning around and starting to run once more.

They were midway to the stairs when Snape found them.

"POTTER! DUMBLEDORE!" He ordered them to get closer and so they did. "What are you doing here?"

"I need to see Professor Dumbledore!" Harry, gasping for air. "It's Mr Crouch... he's just turned up... he's in the forest... he's asking —"

"What is this rubbish?" said Snape. "What are you talking about?"

He looked at Mel for an explanation but Mel didn't know what was happening either, Harry insisted in an angry tone.

"Mr Crouch! From the Ministry! He's ill or something — he's in the forest, he wants to see Dumbledore! Just give me the password up to —"

"The headmaster is busy," said Snape, smiling as if denying Harry of a simple favour was making him happier than it should.

"I've got to tell Dumbledore!"

"Didn't you hear me, Potter?"

"Look," Harry continued, almost growling, "Crouch isn't right — he's — he's out of his mind — he says he wants to warn —"

"Is there a problem?" Dumbledore appeared from behind Snape, looking at them curiously.

"Professor! Mr Crouch is here — he's down in the forest, he wants to speak to you!"

"Lead the way," Dumbledore said.

Mel was thankful Dumbledore was Headmaster and not Snape, even if she didn't know what was going on, she figured Snape would rather see them in distress than tend their emergencies.

"What did Mr Crouch say, Harry?" Dumbledore asked as they approached the staircase again.

"Said he wants to warn you... said he's done something terrible... he mentioned his son... and Bertha Jorkins... and — and Voldemort... something about Voldemort getting stronger..."

"Indeed," Dumbledore walked faster alongside them.

"He's not acting normally, he doesn't seem to know where he is. He keeps talking like he thinks Percy Weasley's there, and then he changes and says he needs to see you... I left him with Viktor Krum."

"You did?" He sounded almost alarmed now. "Do you know if anybody else saw Mr Crouch?"

"No, Krum and I were talking, Mr Bagman had just finished telling us about the third task so Mel and Erick were long gone as well, Krum and I stayed behind, and then we saw Mr Crouch coming out of the forest —"

"Where are they?" Dumbledore looked blindly in the darkness.

"Over here," Harry guided them to the edge of the forest. He called out for Viktor, but no one answered. "They were here... They were definitely somewhere around here..."

He sounded worried and scared, Mel got closer as Dumbledore conjured light from his wand and looked around. There was a body there. Mel stopped breathing for a moment while Harry and Dumbledore reached forward to check on Krum.

"Stunned," Dumbledore said simply.

"Should I go and get someone? Madam Pomfrey?"

"No," Dumbledore turned to look at her and said. "Stay here. Wake him up."

He pointed it in the direction of Hagrid's cabin with his wand. The faint shape of a phoenix made its way through the air as Mel kneeled next to Krum and whispered 'Rennervate'. Krum tried to sit up, but Dumbledore put a hand on his shoulder to keep him on the grass.

"He attacked me! The old madman attacked me! I vos looking around to see vare Potter had gone and he attacked from behind!"

"Lie still for a moment," Dumbledore ordered gently.

Hagrid appeared, carrying his crossbow.

"Professor Dumbledore! Mel! Harry — what the — ?"

"Hagrid, I need you to fetch Professor Karkaroff. His student has been attacked. When you've done that, kindly alert Professor Moody —"

"No need, Dumbledore," said a voice from behind them. "I'm here. Damn leg! Would've been here quicker... what's happened? Snape said something about Crouch —"

"Crouch?"

"Karkaroff, please, Hagrid!" Dumbledore repeated.

"Oh yeah... right y'are, Professor..."

"I don't know where Barty Crouch is," Dumbledore told Moody, "but it is essential that we find him."

"I'm onto it," Moody headed off into the forest.

Mel stayed next to Krum and checked the back of his head for injuries, fortunately, he was completely fine, just a little dizzy from the fall.

"What is this?" Karkaroff walked up to them, his eyes blazing with anger. "What's going on?"

"I vos attacked!" said Krum. "Mr Crouch or votever his name —"

"Crouch attacked you? Crouch attacked you? The Triwizard judge?"

"Igor..."

"Treachery! It is a plot! You and your Ministry of Magic have lured me here under false pretenses, Dumbledore! This is not an equal competition! First you sneak Potter into the tournament, though he is underage! Now one of your Ministry friends attempts to put my champion out of action! I smell double-dealing and corruption in this whole affair, and you, Dumbledore, you, with your talk of closer international wizarding links, of rebuilding old ties, of forgetting old differences — here's what I think of you!"

Karkaroff spat onto the ground at Dumbledore's feet. In one swift movement, Hagrid seized the front of Karkaroff's furs, lifted him into the air, and slammed him against a nearby tree.

"Apologize!" Hagrid snarled as Karkaroff gasped for breath, Hagrid's massive fist at his throat, his feet dangling in midair.

"Hagrid, no!" Dumbledore shouted, his eyes flashing.

Hagrid removed the hand pinning Karkaroff to the tree, and Karkaroff slid all the way down the trunk and slumped in a huddle at its roots; a few twigs and leaves showered down upon his head.

"Kindly escort Harry and Mel back up to the castle, Hagrid," Dumbledore told him sternly.

"Maybe I'd better stay here, Headmaster..." Hagrid said, glaring at Karkaroff.

"You will take them back to school, Hagrid. Take them right up to Gryffindor Tower. And I want you two to stay there. Anything you might want to do — any owls you might want to send — they can wait until morning, do you understand me?"

"Er — yes," said Harry, staring at him.

Mel felt a bit of a chill run up her spine at the idea that her uncle could read their thoughts. Because she was certain that Harry had been planning to write Sirius about this.

"Very well," Dumbledore looked directly at her then. "You did a good job watching after Mr Krum, Mel. Now watch after yourself." She nodded, too shocked to speak against him, her nerves completely messed up after that experience.

"I'll leave Fang with yeh, Headmaster," Hagrid said. "Stay, Fang. C'mon, kids."

After a while walking in silence, Hagrid spoke up again.

"How dare he accuse Dumbledore. Like Dumbledore'd do anythin' like that. Like Dumbledore wanted you in the tournament in the firs' place. Worried! I dunno when I seen Dumbledore more worried than he's bin lately. An' you!" He turned to them angrily, they stepped back in surprise, Mel holding tightly onto Harry. "What were yeh doin', wanderin' off with ruddy Krum? He's from Durmstrang, Harry! Coulda jinxed yeh right there, couldn' he? Hasn' Moody taught yeh nothin'? 'Magine lettin' him lure yeh off on yer own —"

"Krum's all right!" He exclaimed. "He wasn't trying to jinx me, he just wanted to talk about Hermione —"

"I'll be havin' a few words with her, an' all," said Hagrid not listening. "The less you lot 'ave ter do with these foreigners, the happier yeh'll be. Yeh can' trust any of 'em."

"You were getting on all right with Madame Maxime," Harry said in a bad mood.

"Don' you talk ter me abou' her!" Hagrid yelled. When he saw the look on their faces, he lowered his voice. "I've got her number now! Tryin' ter get back in me good books, tryin' ter get me ter tell her what's comin' in the third task. Ha! You can' trust any of 'em!"

Harry and Mel shared a grim look without saying anything. He reached for the hand that was still firmly closed around his arm and held it, squeezing a bit to calm her down. It worked until they reached the tower, where Hagrid finally left them safe and sound. As soon as they were in Harry dragged her to where Ron and Hermione were sitting.

Next Chapter —>

Taglist.

@dee123ksha​ @vampiregirl1797 @siriuslysirius1107 @stardusthigh @mikariell95 @vernon-dursley @thesuitelifeofafangirl @tomshollandz @kylosleftbuttcheek @reverse-hxlland @bloodorangemoonlight @omiwashere​ @t-rexs-world

[toysoldiers-rwby]

[CS] 10. Learning Pains

Cutting Strings

Characters: Penny Polendina, Aurora Glade, Winter Schnee, May Marigold Word Count: 5.5k

Everything crumbles under a weak foundation.

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Faunus Oddities: 1  

Penny looked down at Aro, watching her carefully. She breathed in, and in, and in. So deep Penny thought she was part Aquarian mammal. On the exhale she pressed her hand firmly, but gently to avoid waking her up, on Aro’s exposed cleavage, as close to the center of her lungs as possible-  

“Wha…”  

Penny locked her joints. She could feel several hydrolic system stiffen, making her jerk anyway. Thankfully Aro was exhausted from yesterday’s combat class. Her scared ears twitch and she cuddled her pillow, hair splayed out without any horns to cradle it in.  

Winter and May looked mildly amused but mostly confused. Winter cleared her voice, speaking in a normal volume this time. “What, pray tell, are you doing Ms. Polendina?” Winter asked, her voice faux professional. Her cool mask soften by slight tilt of her lips and raised brow. Though she did still held her hands behind her back.  

“I’m trying to figure out if Aro purrs,” Penny answered.  

“Can’t feel it even though you laying on her?” Winter asked, her voice perfectly leveled. May grabbed her shoulder biting a finger to refrain from laughing. She did snort when Penny stuck her tongue out at her.  

“My sense of touch is… not sensitive.” Penny answered carefully. It was a wonder her father got it working at all. Penny settled back on Aro again, careful not to knock her leg off of the couch. Penny had missed her chance to gather data and had to wait. Again Aro took a deep breath that went on far too long. Long enough for May to comfortably lean against the back of the couch and for Winter to hover next to her.  

On the exhale Penny placed her hand back on Aro’s cleavage. Luckily organic beings had remarkably even breathing when they sleep, so it was easy for Penny to keep an even pressure-  

"I definitely heard something," May mubmled, understandably skeptical. “But she’s a goat Faunus.”  

“Feel it!” Penny grabbed her hand and dragged it to Aro’s chest. She tried to pull it out but Penny adjusted her grip and strength.  

“This is so inappropriate!” May hissed, blood quickly rising to her cheeks. “You fell asleep on her again! It’s alright if you- well not touch but- but!” Penny pouted and let go. May barely stopped herself from flying backwards.  

“You said it was bad to touch strangers without asking.”  

“This is, it’s different- Winter!?” May’s voice took on an odd strangled and restricted tone as she failed to stop from yelling. Winter had placed a hand on Aro’s chest and another delicately around her neck. Penny was a little worried about how much blood seemed to be in May’s face but she was also enthralled at the pressure Winter needed to maintain around Aro’s neck. “What are you doing?!”  

“Trying to listen and feel, Marigold.” Winter answered. She leaned in and closed her eyes, ear directed at Aro. Finally on the next exhale there was that soft sound again. Winter nearly jumped. Instead she pressed just a little more on the hand on Aro’s chest until the noise drifted off. “Aurora purrs.”  

“I told you!”  

"She does not! She’s a goat." May yelled back.  

“I didn’t peg you as a racist.”  

Winter jerked back while Penny and May screamed. Thankfully the deaf women didn’t wake up startled. Instead she roused gently from all the movement. Penny made an odd noise. Perhaps a yelp as she was suddenly shifted and held. Aro had clasp a hand on her should to leverage herself into a sitting position while her other one was on Penny’s waist to make sure she didn’t fall off. The metal women went from nestled atop Aro to in her lap.  

Penny stilled trying to calm her processors. Her father was able to upgrade a few drivers to better accommodate all the physical sensations but the artificial skin wasn’t meant to be artificial, but rather synthetic, in combination with organic analysis and inputs. Too much all at once caused her Aura to glitch her systems, a flood warmth and power to hardware that didn’t need it. Such as the one that simulated dopamine and serotonin.  

From the kitchen Xanthic and Ciel grinned and sneered. Xanthic looked at May and Winter, signing something. Penny’s sign language has gotten better but she didn’t feel accomplished when the only sign she recognized was ‘forget’.  

“Did ya’ll forget my house is bugged?” May whispered to Winter. The Specialist groaned into a hand. Aro snapped her fingers, getting their attention and signing at them with a frown. May cleared her throat and translated. “What… are you all doing?”  

“These idiots,” May pointed at Winter and Penny. “Was trying to find out… if you purred.” May said.  

Aro nodded. Though in understanding or confirmation was unsure. She paused to wake up a little more. She stretched her back and arms high above her head. Penny watch, her shoulders and arms flexed. She could see the muscles in her neck and shoulder jerk. From Penny’s place on her lap she could feel several joints pop back in place.  

Lazily reaching for May’s hand she pressed it firm on her bralette covered chest, fingers splayed wide. May let out a strangled noise body tense and blood rushing to her head. Her posture relaxed a little when a deep and loud rumble vibrated from Aro’s entire torso.  

Penny tensed. Nearly feeling her Aura surged to several systems. Particularly her visual analysis, which was for some reason searching out May’s reaction, and her incomplete sensation of touch.  

May took her hand back, signing back to Aurora. “Okay, okay. The goat can purr.” Aro gave a tired and crooked grin, ears wiggling slowly and lethargically. Penny allowed her leader to slide her onto the couch.  

“Shall I get ready now or make breakfast first?” Xanthic translated this time.  

“Get ready now.” May said, her signs stressing ‘now’. Aurora laughed, grabbing the baggy shirt from the armrest and walking up the stairs. Penny noted how May’s eyes traveled Aurora’s form, lingering where the shirt barely covered her bare thighs and boy shorts. Winter’s gaze was similar to Penny’s brushing across her neck and chest.  

Once out of sight, May practically collapsed over the couch. She had a hand over her chest. Her heart must be beating hard, trying to spread her blood across her body instead of just pooling at her cheeks, ears and neck.  

“I’m dead. This had to be a dream.”  

“I don’t think the dead can dream,” Penny said a little slowly. Her commentary was usually interpreted as ‘snark’ rather than facts. But Winter and Ciel laughed so Penny didn’t mind too much.  

“Considering how tame that was it’d consider it a nightmare.” Xanthic called from the kitchen. “You’ve been crushing on her for what? Five years and not even fucking in your dreams?”  

“I don’t know it definitely had that softcore porn vibe until you interrupted,” Ciel said, her dry tone-  

“Wait, what?!” Penny asked. She felt her circuits nearly frying. Her general knowledge included basic sex education. Basic. Between human men and women. For analytical reasons she was able to recognize signs arousal and simulation but her processors struggled to directly link her own actions to intercourse.  

It was easier when she remembered how flush May was. With new context her processes suddenly rewrote May’s lingering gaze as ‘hungry’ and Winter’s hands on Aurora changed to possessive. Then dominating.  

“Oh.” Penn took a deep breath, trying to cool down her power unit. Her temperature was slowly increasing to dangerous limits. Luckily Winter handed her a glass of water and she gulped it down. Penny will have to do more research… Perhaps she’ll request Aro to make her one of those backdoor Scrolls.  

Morning classes was a little difficult to focus on. As students of the Accelerated Program their schedule was altered to focus on their strengths and smooth out any weaknesses. Team APCX was smart, as a team their academic scores passed most fourth years so they focused heavily on combat training, Grimm studies, and military vehicles and other equipment.  

Physical Conditioning was in their morning routine. While the other students try their best to regulate their behavior around Aurora and Xanthic, they prefer to completely avoid them locker rooms. They were too intimidated by the pair, even if their civilian lifestyle meant their bodies weren’t as tone.  

Those brave enough to share the same row of lockers as Team APCX were also controlled enough not to stare. Unlike Penny who took far too long to change. Her eyes constantly wandered to Aurora.  

“Soo,” This time Aro held Penny’s stare. She crossed her arms under her sports bra, “Any other Faunus related curiosities I can satisfy?”  

“I think I’m legally obligated to stop you two from fucking,” Xanthic said in her usual dead drawl, “It’d be unfair to May.”  

“Blatantly ignore the actual law in front of your Officer teammate,” Ciel scowled. She then looked at Penny and Aro. No matter how hard Penny tried to focus her gaze on the floor her peripherals kept her alert to any movement. “Serious request, no more softcore porn.”  

“You two should fuck if that’s where your mind goes. They were being completely appropriate,” Aro laughed. Her voice was loud and ringing in the locker rooms. Penny was vaguely aware of clothes shuffling and metal clacking against metal as lockers closed. “Hold on, I got another Faunus secret to show off.” Aro pushed off her locker and walked towards the more populated area in nothing but her sports bra and boyshorts.  

Ciel and Xanthic sneered as there were some shocked noises. A gasp of surprised and louder slamming lockers. A few of the shyer students hurried out of the locker rooms.  

“Hey Neon.”  

“Good morning Aro! How badly did you piss off General Ironwood to get Conditioning in the morning.”  

“As bad as you, it seems.” Aro laughed. “Can I brow your nunchakus?”  

“Of course- Oh! Are you gonna show them your freckles!!”  

“… It was a surprise.”  

Neon Katt came around the corner, dragging Aro behind her. Unlike Team APCX she was partially change for a military work out.  

“Fun fact! A lot of nocturnal Faunus,” Neon stressed, eyes on Aro who only rolled her glowing ones in return. “And some other types have a secondary coloring only visible under UV and neon lights!” She cracked her nunchakus, a bright purple light imitating out, then held them to Aro’s skin. Under the violent glow bright blue and pinks dotted her cheeks and down her neck. Further down there were intricate… patterns across her chest…  

Penny had to focus really hard on the scientific mysterious to keep her hands from wandering. It was easier to put them in nonsexual context when Neon shined the glowing nunchakus on her torso. Her pattering was large sports that grew into large planes. It wasn’t as intricate or bright.  

“Wow, that sure is interesting to my cybernetic eyes,” Xanthic drawled. Neon and Penny giggled as the hacker finished dressing for class. "I’ll wait outside and stall if you idiot take too long with the anatomy lesson."  

“You seriously need to get laid,” Neon taunted. She slipped her shirt completely on and following her out. “I’m sure Ivori would-”  

“I’m like 20… Wait I think 21. Find someone older.”  

Their chatter slowly faded among the crowd. Ciel held her Scroll to her locker, and was satisfied when it clicked closed. She left and Penny focused on changing, trying to keep her eyes forward even as her partner waited patiently.  

“No more Faunus questions…” Aurora’s teasing tone drifted off. She closed her eyes briefly, ears shifting around out of habit as she focused her senses through her aids. Penny paused, waiting for her to continue and was a little startled when her hand was suddenly on her abdomen. Her processors struggled with the input. The area wasn’t as vulnerable as organic ones but it wasn’t a common area to be touched. Perhaps May had a point about inappropriate touching and asking permission.  

Aro to lean in and splay her hand wide across her artificial skin. The pressure she applied gradually increasing, glowing eyes watching her hands. Her artificial skin didn’t give as much as organic ones…  

“Penny, there is no one in the else in the room.” Aurora whispered. The tone was tense. Her power unit slowly leveled its output, the simulators mimicking serotonin gradually stopping. For a moment. Aro’s hand brushed a completely flat surface.  

Organics had belly buttons.  

“How much of you is metal? Is… is this why I never see you eat anything solid?”  

“That’s…” Penny struggled to answer. Aro lifted her hand off her and took a step back. Her head and brows tilted with worry. There were so many protocols it choked her from saying what she wanted. “That’s classified.” Penny said. Pain flickered across Aro’s features before Focus could hid it. Penny never saw her ears pointed so low and she never wanted to see it that way again. Aro sared at her for a few moments before nodded and leaving the room quietly.  

Penny took a breath and rested her head against the cool metal locker. She stopped all thought that wished for the impossible, such as the simulations that weighed Winter and Aro’s reactions. Penny knew May would be furious. The Happy Huntresses would steal Elm’s rocket launcher and shoot it at General Ironwood.  

Penny slapped her cheeks and focused.  

Her next test was the Vytal Festival a few months away. Perhaps if she does well Ironwood would feel safe and confident enough tell Winter…  

Neon and Aro was already on the track, stretching. This time Harriet was able to join them, adjusting settings to randomly create hard-light obstacles or even rotate the individual tracks backwards or forwards.  

Ciel and Xanthic were doing more general body conditioning with Flint and Ivori. As Accelerated students they were privileged to the more advance training equipment but also had higher expectations. She could see Xanthic eye the panel their instructor was using to set up the usual suicides run and weights. Ciel elbowed her partner, a warning glare to not hack the technology.  

A loud explosion signaled the start of the speedster’s race, plus Aro. For once the mechanic was leading right from the start. Harriet seemed to struggle to catch up, her semblance needing a warm up to reach top speeds.  

For those with well-conditioned bodies and above average strength, Atlas Academy decided to focus on strength and Aura. Penny and Kobalt went through their usual warm ups at their own pace. Penny did it to blend in at first, but found that it helped her Aura and power unit prioritize and optimized her systems.  

Her conditioning consisted of maintaining high Aura concentrations to bolster their physical bodies and further increase their offensive and defensive capabilities. Kobalt was skeptical of Penny at first. But after the first day of taking metal fist to her sides with little damage to her Aura levels he looked at her as a challenger. The rest of team FNKI and APCX were worried. That expression slowly stopped after the first few days but sometimes Ivori or Ciel would stare a little long. Aro adjusted much slower.  

“Aah, fuck!” Her face slammed right into a hard-light barrier and she stumbled back. Neon laughed, passing her and taking second. The mechanic didn’t get up right away, instead looking at Penny with guilty eyes.  

Penny looked away first and focused on her Aura before each impact from the robot’s fist. She tried to ignore the several blast that rang out from the track. After defensive conditioning, Penny’s next exercise was continuous Aura control. She’ll push a heavy block of metal, only unlocking the gears that bolt it down when her Aura level was at the threshold. Below and it would lock. If it was below for too long the block would slowly reset and push Penny back to the starting point.  

By the time their hour and half Conditioning class was done both Teams were exhausted.  

“I hate it when Harriet joins,” Neon mumbled as they walked into the lockers. “All we do is run!”  

“My legs are on fire…” Aro mumbled. This time Aro wandered directly into the showers, not bothering with her clothes or even closing the stall as she stood under the cool stream. It hissed angrily at her augments, cloud of steam quickly filling the showers.  

Penny stared at her for a moment. Normally she would gather her clothes and slipped into another stall, opening her own vents and letting the cold water chill her systems. But Aurora really pushed her prosthetic this time. She was able to overtake Harriet twice. She even in regular sparing it would overheat. While not on literal fire, the temperature could be dangerous.  

“Would you like some assistance in removing your prosthetics?” She asked.  

“No softcore porn!” Xanthic said. Some students chuckled softly, too exhausted to be shy. Neon let out a whistle.  

Aro didn’t reply or respond.  

Penny looked closer. She didn’t see the blue glow of her eyes through the steam. She tried to calm the protocols that instantly went to the worse scenario. Her tired Aura seemed to awaken again, energy suddenly flooding her system. It ramped up, as Penny took a step for closer observation. She barely saw any glow from all of Aurora’s cybernetics and augments. She definitely could hear it humming loudly over the shower- Aro’s body suddenly buckled. Penny watched as all power in her legs flickering off.  

“Aurora!” Penny lunged forward, catching her. Her footing slid across wet tiles and she slammed with unfamiliar weight pressed on her. Penny took a sharp breath. The metal prosthetic really was at a dangerous temperature, even for her. She quickly adjusted to make sure her artificial skin didn’t melt. “Aurora!” Penny laid a hand across her forehead and pulled her hand back. The horns around her head was the same dangerous temperature, even when it was directly under the cold spray.  

“Move!” Xanthic shoved Neon and a few random students aside. In the hacker’s hands was Aro’s Scroll and red flashing warnings. “Agh! That idiot overheated- Neon! Get some medics!”  

“R-Right away!” Neon was out of the room, a rainbow trail lingering behind her.  

“Don’t!” Penny quickly stopped Xanthic from reaching out with her bare hands. “It’s too hot.” The hacker’s solution was to slip off her shirt, taking the extra time to thoroughly soak it in the water before wrapping it around the cybernetic legs.  

Penny felt around Aro’s skull for that hidden button for her aids. She ignored several warnings about temperature or how all her senses felt numb. She struggled to trace the cybernetics to a familiar spot she’d seen Aro press down on before. She didn’t flinch at the hot steam blowing in her face when she finally found the manual release.  

Everything was oddly numb but focused. Her own senses narrowed down to the single stall and Aro’s breathing. Every so often Xanthic’s voice would pierce the fog but Penny moved without conscious thought. Her hands felt around Aro’s thighs without order. Pressing on the manual release when she barely felt the seam.  

She murmured an apology, automatic and flat as Xanthic scrambled away from the steam. Penny released the other prosthetic and the hacker kicked the metal into another stall and turned the cold water on it. Penny was about to carry Aurora out but Xanthic stopped her.  

“Penny!” It took a few yells of her name for her to focus. Xanthic’s expression was nearly grounding. It was too conflicted, too concern to calm Penny down but it was enough to get her to listen. “Her… both of our augments are deeper than they look.” The hacker confessed.  

Penny braced the women against her own chest. It slowly turned into a hug. She faught the instinct to hold her tighter. She could barely differentiate Aro’s breathing from the spray of water. She knew a tight grip would only do more harm so Penny focused on what she could feel. Aro’s steady heartbeat against her own Aura wild chest.  

That grounded Penny. Xanthic pressed a well-hidden button at the base of Aro’s neck. After holding it down for three seconds, several slits along her skull but mostly her neck opened and vented out more steam.  

Aurora let out a low groan that rolled and vibrated through her chest. Physically Penny relaxed. She adjusted her hold on Aro to angle her better under the cold water. Internally she felt ready to combust herself. Fear driving her systems so hard they temporarily malfunctioned and now her processors were trying to fix corrupted or missing data. Penny dropped her head onto Aro’s shoulder. Her skin was much cooler now but still a dangerous 106 degrees.  

The last conscious thing Penny remembers is watching the medics lay a soaking wet yet still feverish Aurora Glade onto a stretcher and pushing her away. Harriet gave Penny a look that barely held any guilt. “Team APCX will be notified when she wakes up.”  

Her high cognitive functions didn’t return until lunch. She remembered a few hours after Aro feinted, Xanthic was called to assist in something regarding Aro’s technology. As Xanthic’s primary supervisor Ciel was forced to follow. Penny took notes throughout her classes with no real attention to what the instructors were saying. True to routine her body automatically wandered to the mess hall but Penny stopped. Without her teammates she had no reason to enter and pretend to be organic.  

“Salutation Penn!” May’s voice called out. Penny turned around to see the Huntress approaching her. She found herself burying her face into her shoulder, the pressure somewhat relieving the Aura building behind her eyes.  

“Hey, hey,” May gently whispered to her. Her hands rubbed up and down Penny’s back attempting to calm her down. “Aurora will be okay. She survived the journey from Menagerie to Atlas and several White Fang assassination attempts. She won’t die from her own augments.”  

Penny buried her face deeper into May’s shoulder and nodded. She knew it was an unreasonable feeling but her protocols, processors, no line of code knew how to rationalize the fear and worry. Instead the same thoughts looped as if it would answer herself. What if her overheating cybernetics caused permanent neural damage? What could she have done to prevent possible said damage? How much metal Aro had hidden under the surface? Then Xanthic’s suspicions of experimentation-  

Her thoughts clouded her analysis and kept spiraling until May pulled her into an unfamiliar area of the Academy. The dorms. APCX was one of the few teams that didn’t live together or on campus. Xanthic’s home was slowly becoming their usual base of operations but everyone also had their own places to retreat too.  

In the elevator May pushed the button for one of the highest floors. When it stopped she popped the ceiling open. “By the Brothers,” She chuckled, “Winter was right, they still haven’t fixed this yet.”  

“Where are we going?” Penny asked.  

“It’s a surprise!” May said as if it was a suitable answer. She easily jumped through the hatch and offered Penny a hand. The metal women tried smiled and a pretended to accept her help. The elevator shaft looked a little unkempt, with a large panel missing in between floors. Before them was an open crawl space dust and cobwebs caused May to hesitate long enough for lock on the elevator cable to open and it slowly lowered.  

“Ah, fuck!” May jumped into it and Penny followed after. Luckily the pair didn’t trip on each other. They barely had enough room to walk normally and getting tangled or pressed against each other would be uncomfortable for May. The Huntress pulled out her Scroll, illuminating the crawl space for herself.  

“Ugh. I remember this place being a lot bigger.” May muttered. Due to the thin space she occasionally bumped into her. Penny grabbed her hand and held onto it. It was a numb feeling and she wasn’t sure why she did it until May squeezed back and flashed her a small smile. Whatever locked Penny’s systems at minimum finally lifted enough to at least try and recuperate May’s efforts.  

“Can I get hints to where we are going?”  

“Depending on what you ask.” May answered.  

“Is it a restricted area?”  

May laughed, “Of course! Those make the best hideouts.”  

“Is it… surveillance?”  

May’s grin turned a little wicked for a moment, “Nope.”  

“Does Xanthic know about it?”  

May winked, “I’m the better spymaster.”  

Before Penny could ask any more question they reached the end of the crawl space. May carefully pushed the wall, trying to slide it up out of it slits. It took four tries but it eventually popped out and she slide it aside. She had forgotten it was in the middle of the day. Her internal clock had told her lunch would be finishing soon and she should be making her way to Military Machinery Operations class. She deleted the internal reminder and adjusted the aperture in her eyes to filter less light in.  

May stepped out onto a hidden platform, shadowed by another overhanging piece. The view was unobstructed by other buildings. While it wasn’t at the very edge of Atlas, it was tall enough to get a view of Mantle below and the white snow of Solitas that stretched around for miles.  

“Welcome to the… uh…” May’s boisterous voice quickly lost steam. Her cheeks flaring pink again.  

“I believe Robyn called it the Dove’s Nest-”  

“Winter!” Penny gasped and ran out. She stopped short of throwing herself onto the Specialist. Winter gave her a tired smile and relaxed into the misting white fur of her summon. This time an Alpha Manticore. It lounged on its side, completely at peace with being used as bedding for two. “Aro…” Her Faunus was curled at Winter’s side, eyes closed and those soft sleeping purrs rumbling from her.  

“Woah, slow, Penn.” May said quickly grabbing her shoulder. Penny didn’t even notice she was running again. She slipped her hand back into Penny’s and they walked closer. Aro was in a hospital gown, back completely bare but lower body covered in her boyshorts. Penny didn’t get a good look at her earlier, with all the steam and water obscuring her vision. Right now Aurora looked a little flush, skin a little damn… like she was recovering.  

“Is she doing better?” Penny asked.  

“Ideally,” Winter said with a frustrated sigh. “The hospital was making her… restless. So I took her here.” May let go of Penny’s hand and laid across the Manticore’s back and wings to reach Aro. She pressed a hand to seemly clammy skin. Winter glanced back at Penny who didn’t take another step. She smiled gently, completely free of the image she needed to maintain on military grounds. It reached her eyes. It didn’t have a literal glow like Aro’s but it did seem to light up, “My summons are completely under my control. Perfectly harmless unless I wish otherwise.”  

Penny couldn’t help the skeptical twitch of her nose. The Specialist always sent constant waves of white Beowolves at her during training. Winter laughed at it, soft and light. The sound and sight of May with Aro melted Penny’s guard enough to approach the usually dangerous beast. Her self-improvement codes told her skin contacted optimized her ability to performed under emotional stress. She mildly wondered if the Manticore would fulfill that odd requirement.  

Penny slowly reached out. At first the Alpha Manticore didn’t feel like anything. Just a cool pressure against her hand. Then slowly her processors adjusted, focusing on the tingling cool against her skin. Still very faint. “It’s… soft and cold. Oh!”  

The Manticore took a deep breath, pushing firmly against Penny’s hand and letting out a growling exhale. Aro jumped a little startled. She immediately calmed seeing May’s face and barely looked around to see Penny or Winter. A happy but high pitched purr came from Aro as she learned back into May’s hand.  

“Morning, doll.”  

May didn’t answer but smiled, a light blush dusting her cheeks. With her eyes close and no aids communication was limited to sign and writing. May grabbed Aro’s other hand, fingers tracing words onto her palm.  

“I feel… hot. Dizzy. Headache.” Aro’s words slowly started to slur. May jumped over the Manticore, settling next to Aro. The mechanic immediately curled up to her chest. “I’m okay. Tell Penny I’m okay.”  

“She knows,” May murmured, writing the words onto her skin.  

Penny walked around, taking Aro’s previous spot next to Winter. Once against the cool furs Penny nearly drifted into sleep mode. Her Aura was pushed during training and her simulations and processers kept burning an excessive amount of energy as well as-  

“Penny,” Winter gently called out. Her hand slipped into hers and gave a tight squeeze. The pressure paused the spiraling line of through. “Are… are you alright? Xanthic and Ciel informed me that we you a little… despondent. After the accident.”  

Penny looked at May and Aurora. Her eyes kept wandering end of her form and the abrupt end at the nubs instead of the usual prosthetics. She frowned and looked back up at Winter, “I was so scared…” She did everything right and it might have not been enough. It wasn’t a problem she could fix. “I couldn’t-”  

“You did well and prevented any permanent damage.” Winter quickly interrupted. “Xanthic and Dr. Pietro are drafting upgrades. The problem was a faulty part from my father’s company.” She practically hissed out. The Manticore let out another growling exhale along with several other frustrated twitches. Particularly its tail, which hit May and Aro. The two grumbled, voice a little scratchy with sleep.  

Penny giggled watching the pair try to adjust into the Manticore again. This time Aro was more awake and restless. She’d whine and wiggle, elbowing May several times. With a tired groan May propped herself up and pet Aro’s hair slowly lulling the deaf women back to sleep. Winter and Penny giggled. The Manticore responded with slight jerks.  

“If you wake her up again I swear…” May scowled at her. Aro grumbled and complained, a bunch of slurred noises and not any real words. She did manage to nuzzle May’s hand, pulling it off her hair and pressing a kiss her wrist. All fight immediately left May. It looked as if her flight instincts kick instead. Though she didn’t move with Aro curling against her.  

“Sleep, doll.” Aro murmured, pulling May back down.  

Penny settled back into the soft furs of the summon. Slowly sleep mode turned power consuming functions. Combat analysis and Floating Array was set to standby. Those thoughts that kept her alert, ready to respond slowly faded. She watched the sky, content to listen to Winter’s giggle and May’s soft groans.  

“You should have kissed her back.”  

“Shut up. It’s not that easy.”  

“Oh?” Penny glanced at May who seemed to fidget under both their gazes. Kissing seemed like one of the easiest actions a Huntress could do. “It takes at least 2 muscles to kiss someone. 23 or 34 for more rigorous types.” May let out a panic noise, a little strangled as she was forced to restrain herself or wake Aro.  

“I-I’m not. There’s a time and place and heavily drugged and sedated isn’t it!”  

“Five more years won’t be the right time either.” Winter said. She settled on her side, half propped up to talk with May. Idly her thumb continued to brush the back of Penny’s hand though her grip slipped into a comfortable position and strength. “If you’re that much of a prude ask her out first.”  

“Oh that’s rich coming from a Schnee.”  

“I’m deaf but I can feel you idiots talking.” Aro loudly grumbled. “Go the fuck to sleep.” May grumbled and complained, up until Aro suddenly propped herself up. She pushed May’s back firmly against the Manticore and hovered over her for a few seconds. “Fucking. Sleep, Marigold.” Then she practically collapsed onto her chest. May dropped an arm across her eyes, face a vibrant red. Winter hid another giggle behind her hand and completely relaxed against her summon.  

Penny closed her eyes. Her low Aura levels and safe environment triggered Sleep mode, primary systems entering a low performance state and easing cognitive thought to the bottom of the power list. Power to her sensors was cut, limiting Penny to just her sense of touch and hearing. She couldn’t feel the soft Manticore fur or the cold it gave off, instead she barely registered Winter’s hand in hers. The soft purrs from Aro was temporarily hidden by May’s deep breaths, a little shaky from how hard her heart was beating. Sometimes she heard Winter and May but couldn’t truly process what they were saying.  

Oblivious relations: 4. Useless Lesbian: May Marigold. Penny Polendina.  

Error: System corrupted. Invalid analysis detected.

[shuuenmei]

resolution

BEFORE WE BEGIN:

Admittedly, I didn’t want to reveal this at first but after some thought and discussions, I decided to publish this out. This contains a big part of what I plan for Yuu (Rei) and how “black or white” will run in the future, and because it’s potentially very long, I’m placing this under the cut.

The sound of the clock ticking is the only thing keeping her company as she searched through the library.

Not this book, not that book, not this one either.

She doesn’t know how much time has passed, but she doesn’t care.

She had to keep looking.

She refused to stay helpless and vulnerable like how she nearly died from those vine thorns-

She find herself idly touching onto her neck now covered in the bandages to hide the tiny scars from those thorns.

There’s so many things happening in such a quick span of time she finds herself unable to properly react and adjust how to adapt and survive.

“You were on a near dangerous spot, pup.” The words of her homeroom teacher rang when he was called by the headmaster to check on how severe her injuries were shortly after they brought Riddle back to his senses.

Of how she was lucky to have escaped strangulation when the vines enclosed on her neck.

Of how she nearly died from blood loss due to the thorns piercing her skin.

And the situation now truly sunk on her that she could have truly died not long after arriving in this world.

A deep, deep part of her mind screamed, feeling that for the first time, she wanted to live and survive.

To struggle for survival than to succumb to the temptation of sleeping forever, never waking up.

I don’t want to die I don’t want to die-

“That’s quite a heavy stack of books, little one.”

She couldn’t help but jump at the voice calling her from behind.

Her head turned to see who it was that spoke.

“You surprise me Lilia-san.”

The older student gave out a light hearted chuckle in response.

“It’s good to see you.” He greeted before he wondered. “Now what brings you here to the library?”

“I wanted to look up something.” She answered.

She made up her mind after her homeroom teacher’s diagnosis of her state.

She honestly still feel sluggish from the injuries she had and Professor Crewel issued a permit to Coach Vargas to excuse her (And by extension, Grim) from physical education class until she is fully recovered.

With much time to spare after the rather disastrous duel yesterday, she decided to head over to the library.

There’s something that she wished to know about and if she can’t find what she’s looking for... she’ll just have to make do.

“That’s quite a lot of books you were holding.” He pointed towards the stack of books she was holding.

“It’s fine Lilia-san, I can handle this.” She shook her head as the two started to walk their way towards the table where she placed her bag and some of the books she had borrowed earlier.

“I heard you and your friends called for a duel with Riddle yesterday.” Lilia started once he was seated.

“Ah, so everyone heard about it?”

“It’s quite impossible to not know it, little one.” The old fae chuckled.

She numbly nodded, her hand idly reaching out to her neck as if there is lingering pain sticking to her neck like a phantom.

The fae’s magenta eyes looked at the covers of the books she had brought, now placed on the table.

“Hmm, interesting choices you have there.” With an ever present smile, he used magic to make the heavy books float to his way.

“The Origin of Magic, History of Magic Tools... they all seem to cater towards a specific time frame, to an even older time...” The fae soon implored as he placed the books down. “What has brought you to wish to learn such a subject?”

She pondered for a moment.

Should she speak about it?

She may have only known about Lilia for a few days, a week, even. But she felt that she can truly trust this older student and ask for his aid.

The Headmaster doesn’t seem too keen in watching over her own well being and had a very hands-off approach.

He’s not the kind of person she’d trust her worries of.

In contrast, Lilia, in his own way, had been helping her from the start.

The Headmaster may have tried, but seeing first hand at how he seems to be giving a hands-off approach, how she was told that the Headmaster wouldn’t have rushed her to the infirmary and call for Professor Crewel immediately until the fact that she is nearly dying from blood loss truly sunk in, with the rest of Heartslabyul having to urge him out to get her the aid she needed.

(There’s something about the Headmaster that reminded her of an ill memory of the past, but she has yet to recall the full context of it all.)

Lilia, from the way he speaks and how he treated her, makes her think of the senior as an almost father like figure.

Doting yet keeping a firm watch of those he consider his children.

So she took her chance and spoke quietly.

Of the events that led to Riddle Rosehearts overblotting.

________________________________________________________________

“...I see. That explains the bandages covering your neck.”

She nodded.

“...But pray tell, what convinced you to search for a specific time frame involving magic in the days of old?”

She didn’t say a word to Lilia, deep in thought, trying to think of an answer.

It was a spur of a moment and she couldn’t help but be curious.

Curious to know if there is a point of time where people are not naturally born with magic.

Maybe those of old do magic differently than those who lived in the present.

She also vaguely remember of a story she once read of how people of the past request the world to lend their energy to use magic.

If such method also exist here, does she have a chance to survive?

So she won’t be so weak, helpless and vulnerable like today-

Still, there’s a chance that she won’t be able to find what she searched for.

But nevertheless, she doesn’t want to give up so easily and find a way so she can survive in this unfamiliar world.

She needs to see the end of the tale that she is entangled in no matter what.

She found her answer.

“...I just don’t want to stay weak and helpless as I am right now.”

She spoke and continued.

“After I was told of how I nearly died... I felt myself getting reminded of how easily vulnerable I was as a magicless person.”

She clenched her right hand to a fist, her nails dug onto her skin deep enough to hurt.

“I’m an easy target to the whole school as the lone magicless person. Regardless of how I’m actually capable of being able to fight back, all my skills... they had limits. I can’t always depend on my new friends all the time, and eventually, I’ll run out of options and will get badly hurt like how I did today.”

She had decided, her resolution to her decision firm.

“So I plan to look for an information that can potentially help me survive against other students who would try and target me for as long as I’m here. I refuse to be an easy target just because I’m the lone anomaly of this school.”

That’s all that there is to it.

She wanted to survive longer in a world where she is placed in between many prideful magicians who could potentially end her life with their magic if they so wish it.

Maybe she won’t be a burden to her new friends that way.

She felt Lilia’s silent gaze at her prickling, almost like he is scrutinizing her.

“Do you have an empty paper available to use?” Lilia questioned after a moment of silence.

“I can tear one page off, but what do you plan to use with it?”

Lilia smiled. “You’ll see, little one.”

Despite the fae’s cryptic reply, she obliged and brought out one of her spare notebooks, ripping one of the papers out and handed it to him.

“May I borrow a writing pen as well?”

She wondered where this is going but gave the fae one of her blue pens in the pencil case.

Lilia draw a large set of letters enough to fill a whole paper that is set in a landscape like orientation.

When he is finished, he threw the paper above him and spoke out what sounded like a magical chant in a language she couldn’t recognize.

In response to the fae’s chant, the letters written in the paper glowed, almost like magic, and then the paper shifted it’s shape, shredded into small parts and then rained down on the table, small cuts formed at the empty space of wooden table besides them, as if the paper has turned into small shards of blades.

“Oh, I still had it in me to use them.” Lilia mused at the sight as the papers soon disintegrated into dust, residual magical energy following it. “Well, I shall repair it soon enough lest that young librarian aim for my neck.”

As Lilia reached for his magical pen and used his magic to fix the table, she felt herself feeling awed at the sight of the paper turned to small sharp shards.

“That was just a normal pen right...” She utter out.

She had to wonder how it was possible.

All that the fae did was just drawing rune like letters onto the paper...

“Indeed it is.” The fae answered her.

“I simply use the paper as a medium and the letters as a gateway for magical energy to enter the medium and give form to what the medium will function as.”

The fae’s serene smile remained ever-plastered on his lips. “Simply put, what I did is request for the world to lend me their magic through a medium.”

“...So you used the world’s magical energy instead of using the one that most magicians are born with?”

So such method existed here...

“Bingo, little one.” The fae gave out a good natured chuckle. Elaborating. “Before wands and magical pens came to be, people of days old once used to ask the world to do magic for them. However, this method had since been considered obsolete as society advances due to how many requirements it takes to actually use the world’s magical energy.”

He put the magical pen back into the pockets of his vest. Concluding. “For you, someone who is inherently magicless, this should be the perfect method for you to defend yourself should any of the other students dare to attack you with magic.”

Her eyes lit up. Feeling a glimmer of hope at the senior’s words.

“Are you sure you don’t mind teaching me?”

“Why of course not.” Lilia smiled at her. Reasoning.

“You are but a young lady thrown into an unfamiliar place with little to no contact of anyone you are familiar with, and no way of being able to return to whence you came from. You also happen to be placed in a school of prideful, magicians who can get easily provoked with little prompting, and can potentially harm and give you fatal injuries should they wish to do so. Anyone with a child of their own would worry for you.”

His smile then curved to a frown. “Though I supposed Crowley doesn’t seem to be that keen in regards to your safety following today’s events.”

After what happened yesterday, and of today, she felt what little trust she had on the Headmaster start to crumble.

She can’t completely trust the man anymore after today.

Not when he’s all too content to leave her to fend for her own self outside of providing her the basic necessities and the like.

(Deep down, that unpleasant feeling, almost like seething anger, of a memory she has yet to recall of people acting like the headmaster echoed in her mind)

She soon felt a hand on her head.

She was brought out of her thoughts as she realized that Lilia is patting her.

The gesture felt familiar to her.

Like a parent’s firm hand, guiding and assuring the child.

“The weekend is soon and it’s best that you recover first.” Lilia let his hand go as he advised her.

“I shall be free to teach you how to utilize the world’s magic to aid you for Monday, Wednesday and Thursday after school in the library. Is that an alright time for you?”

“...Yeah, that’s a good time.”

She felt herself smiling wide, almost genuine, grateful for the senior’s help.

“...Really, thank you for this. Lilia-san.”

The Diasomnia vice dorm head smiled back. “It is of no trouble, young one.”

Yep, this is what I planned for Yuu (Rei) in light of Heartslabyul and onwards. She doesn’t stay magicless for long.

This was inspired by the formalcraft concept from the Fate series, where you make the world do the magic for you. Think of it as not using your own MP in video games and use a specialized item that does the magic in RPG games.

Yuu (Rei) is still magicless inherently. So the method only makes her a magician by a technicality. Rather than making her an actual pure magician overnight.

As for why I went this route for Yuu (Rei):

1: The SI in Yuu (Rei) only know Twisted Wonderland based on Pre-release trailers and as such, has zero expectations of what the game would actually be. She doesn’t know that the game was meant to be a Joseimuke genre game with RPG, action and rhythm game mechanics mixed in, and only know based on what she could remember of the original stories the Disney movies are based on and the Disney movies that she remember watching, outside of what she remembers of the Pre-Release trailers. As far as Yuu (Rei)’s impression of the game’s story goes, she thought that she is in an FGO-esque Shounen genre story. So it’s either she stays magicless and die quickly, or survive and get stronger.

2: While yes, it’s established that it’s against the rules to use magic on others for personal fights, the main story proves that a good portion of the NRC student body WILL use magic on others when prompted. Unlike Ace, Deuce and Grim, the canon MC is completely defenseless. Despite Yuu (Rei)’s friendship with the ghosts and her own physical skills in Kendou, every single one of them has limits. Lando isn’t always guaranteed to tag along with her 24/7, someone will use magic to destroy the makeshift sword she had first before beating her down and giving her fatal injuries via magic. Additionally, Ace, Deuce and Grim won’t always be with her, so she’ll eventually run out of options to defend herself. At the end of the day, the real world doesn’t give a damn about what narrative importance you have in the grand scheme of the plot you’re involved in. Yuu (Rei) might be lucky this time, but the same can’t be said for the future.

...Welp.

Anyway, long story short, this is where Yuu (Rei) fully diverges from the canon MC.

I’m also going to start talking, writing and/or drawing stuff for things I plan for “black or white” in the future from here on out so do look out for those!

[peachyteabuck]

a king is first a man [snippet]

summary: thor’s fighting a double-fronted war, desperately attempting to quell the flames of a revolution, and is grappling with his father’s long-since murder on the battlefield all those years ago. somehow, none of that compares to the trouble of his new queen. 

this is a commission for @empyreanwritings​ who commissioned a snippet from the full work.

pairing: thor odinson x reader

words: 2507

trigger warnings: medieval au i did very little research for, brat taming that includes spanking as a punishment, allusions to breeding kink, angst related to social position if you squint. 

notes: major credit to @spacelabrathor​ for allowing me to steal this concept and write a full fic for it. she’s legit the best and i can’t thank her enough for putting up with me - both in relation to this fic and the rest of our friendship. she’s legit THE shit and deserves everything. 

ask box / masterlist / commission info / ko-fi

She walks with the grace one would expect of someone like her: educated, precise, bored. Her back is straight as an arrow, feet silent, smile barely touching her cheeks as she hangs her head in feigned sorrow. In the dim lighting of the “secret” (known only to the highest of servants, the king himself, and, apparently, her) hallway she looks kind, mournful. If Thor did not know better, he might have offered his regards, asked if there was anything he could do to bring one of those toothy grins back to her bright face.

Unfortunately, Thor does know better. He knows as much about her as he does his greatest enemy – what they teach all the generals to learn before undertaking something serious as war: motivations, desired outcome, what leverage she holds over the throne and anyone dumb enough to occupy it. He knows what she thinks, why she thinks it, what she thinks will happen.

Despite this plethora of knowledge and years of military training and etiquette classes and warning from those he trusts the most, Thor loses himself as he backs her into the wall, never touching her but commanding the space between them with precision – just as he yields a sword during battle.

That’s how his heart feels, too, pounding in his chest as if his ribs were the bars separating him from his captor. He can feel heat course through his body, his hands flexing as flint strikes steel in each of his veins. He wonders, for a brief moment, if he is dying – if she had poisoned him just to fall into the very seat she claimed she loathed. No – he quickly realizes. That would be too easy. If she were to kill him, were to stop his heart or slit his throat or plunge his father’s sword into his chest, then were would be no game for her to play; there would be no place for her lightning to strike whenever she wished. She – Gods forbid – would be saddled with responsibility, something her childish bones could not handle. Like a house with no foundation she’d crumble, curling in on herself as servants and soldiers and saddle hands all pried for her attention.

“What?” she questions, arms folded across her chest. Her brow is furrowed, jaw set as she breaks Thor’s thoughts and wretches him back to the moment – back to her. It’s always her, isn’t it? Always has to be her, ever since she arrived on that carriage and turned her nose up at him and refused to kiss the family ring.

“You know what,” he snarls back at her, teeth bared as he leans in close enough to smell whatever the chambermaids had placed in her morning bath. Yesterday it was lavender – light and airy as she explored the castle as if she was a ghost peering through a window. Today was something stronger, something that bites at Thor’s nostrils just as she bites at his patience. “You know you are not supposed to attend meetings of a royal nature unless specifically given permission.”

Thor watches her carefully, watches as she doesn’t even flinch as she lets out a small laugh, rolling her eyes before returning the king’s gaze. It’s odd to see someone like her – someone so young – look back at him with such fire, determination. It had taken him years to reach that level of confidence, to develop the will to stand up to someone as powerful as himself. He can’t tell if he’s furious or impressed or both. Either way, he refuses to let her get the best of him.

Thor grabs her by the back of her neck, quickly flipping her around so her cheek is pressed against the smooth, cold stone, her hands pressed against the wall near her sides.

“If you want to act like a child-“ Thor hisses as each hand pins one of her wrists. “I am going to treat you like one.

The second she’s picked up and tossed over his one of his broad shoulder, she does her best to contort an exit for herself, thrashing and kicking like a cat that had been plunged into a freezing river. Thor, though, maneuvers her as if she was some inert object he was placing on a newly dusted shelf, keeping her wrists pinned behind her back and avoiding the kick of her heel as he carries her into the large chambers they now – whether she liked it or not - share. When he steps through the threshold, he ignores her cries for a moment longer, taking in the scent of her that had filled the room as he notices mused linen bedsheets and pillows strewn across the room, despite knowing it had been made by ever-attending servants when she had gotten up from her midday nap.

Had she been touching herself before she interrupted Thor’s meeting with the council? Had she plunged three fingers into her dripping center, chasing the world’s sweetest pleasure? Had she thought of her husband while she gushed over her hand? Had she whispered his name so the servants would not hear her shameful lust, or had she screamed it – hoping one of them would call upon him to make her stop? Did she think that they thought he had that much power over her?

Thor shakes his head, returning to his original mission. The king smoothly navigates the large room while making sure his bride doesn’t knock anything over (she had ordered many a plate of treats while she was alone, barely picking at any of them, even as the carts the servants placed them on filled the room). Like the minotaur in the maze, he carries her with ease. In the back of her mind she can’t help but admire that – as if he can predict her every physical movement with precision, even before she knows exactly what her flailing limbs plan to do.  

Without warning, she’s dropped onto the center of the large bed. She sees her chance of escape, but her hope is quickly squashed when Thor grunts as he moves to pin her down, grabbing both of her wrists in one of his large, war-bitten hands. Something inside her can’t help but flutter as he manhandles her into the position Thor believes befits her behavior, one where he sits at the edge of the bed while her stomach is laid upon his muscular thighs. Her thin dress is torn without so much as a shrieking RRIIIIIPPP – as if even the fabric is surprised how efficiently it is ripped off the newly-appointed queen’s body. It sends a shiver down her spine, the knowledge of the king’s strength and size rusty in its age but easily shined with each exercise of Thor’s power.

“All you brats are the fucking same,” he growls through grit teeth as his large hands lay sharp slaps over her thin underclothes, preparing her for the punishment to come. “You push and you push and you get what’s coming for you and then you act as if you’re innocent.”

The queen gulps, still attempting to free her hands while her legs kick. Thor just laughs at her, pushing her wrists harder into the small of her back as he continues to smack her plump ass.

“Keep trying, my little morning dove,” the nickname given to her by the driver of the carriage she had road in on all those days before falls from his lips like blood after a swift kick to the face, pooling onto her back and in her center. “Eventually you’ll run out of fight and then this will go much easier.”

She huffs, dramatically yelling as the last of her fabric protection is stolen from her, exposing her to hot air in the room. “What on Earth are you talking about!? I didn’t do anything!”

Thor just snorts, leaving a few more smacks against her bare flesh. “This little innocent act you’ve been playing up all these years? It isn’t going to work on me.”

She scoffs, her next inhale sharp as his favorite battle sword with one final slap being laid against her. “I…I-“

The king just laughs deep in his chest, his hand moving from the round of her ass to between her now-trembling legs. Each ounce of golden defiance that once replaced the blood in her veins seemed to disperse as he touches her there, gathering the slick that dripped onto his pants. Suddenly, the clothing feels much tighter than before (though, whether it had occurred in that instant alone was unlikely) as he watched the pads of his wettened fingers reflect the torches along the wall. His face heats as the corners of his lips turn up into a smile – though he suspects the fires are not to blame.

“You took your retribution well,” he tells her, letting go of her now limp wrists to rub at the heated skin. She moans, pressing her face into the thickest gathering of blankets her limited movement grants her, last taste of insolence drying on her tongue. “I think I should show you what those who behave are rewarded with.”

She’s unable to process his words before she’s flipped again – Thor now on his feet while she remains on the bed, though now flat on her back. She’s completely bare but finds no shame in her exposure, watching her husband with fevered attention as he rips his shirt from his body.

Thor’s barely able to pull his linen pants under his ass before she’s begging for him, mumbling something that falls between a prayer and a spell to beckon the king closer to her – words low and desperate as they’re spoken into the heated air between them. He’s so hard it hurts, like his shoulder after he gets a newly weighted sword or his calves when he rides a new horse. It’s this simmering thing inside of him, water in a cauldron close to boiling but not quite there; his whole being existing on the precipice of something he can’t quite identify.

It’s not as if he has the time for introspection, though, because the second the air hits the skin of his hardened cock and she’s grabbing at him and pulling him to her, inside of her and for the first time since he was considered too young to be king his mind is-

Blank.

His mind is blank with a white-hot fire that blinds him as his guttural moans form a symphony with hers. Neither of them speak, neither of them can, brains preoccupied with their bodies and their bodies preoccupied with each other. It feels like battle almost, some carnal instinct commanding his every move while whatever consciousness keeps him tethered to the present surrenders itself to some orgiastic impulse. For the first time in a long time the monarch feels himself lose control as his hands roam her heated skin, as his war-torn palms feels the supple flesh of her chest and pinch at her pert nipples.

She inhales sharply at the small pinch of pain, the way she clenches around him encouraging him to continue.

“Oh!” she moans, loud and unabashed.

Thor had not taken a woman in a long while, too busy with his duties as king. He had moved bedrooms, in fact, since the last time he’d bed anyone, and had no idea whether the architecture granted him privacy from the staff. However, just as you practically waltzed into his highly contentious meeting, Thor allows himself to grunt and roar and curse without pity for the ears of those within the rest of the large castle.

One of his hands plants itself in the sheets, using it for balance as the other moves to rub at the most sensitive part of her. He revels in her screams of pleasure, in her pleas for him not to stop don’t stop don’t stop it’s yours take it please take it please!

A sense of pride swells in Thor’s chest, blossoming with the soil of watching her switch from rebellion to subservience with him having to do so little in such a short period of time.

Tightening in his abdomen distracts him from his preening, hips chasing the same peak she seems to be close to.

Thor tries to piece himself together enough to ask a question he wishes he didn’t have to. “Where do y-“

“Inside of me!” she immediately gasps, voice strained and desperate. “Please!”

Just as he wishes she would, he does exactly as he is told with nearly no hesitation – unloading inside of her just as she screams with her own release.

If the palace occupants could not hear them before, they surely heard the married couple then as they both shouted in vulgar unison. Deep and animalistic and wonderful, they both pant as they fall into a breathless kiss.

Her high recedes like the lake that runs through the kingdom at the beginning of dry season – slow and deliberate and leaving her with a dry mouth. She stares at the ceiling, noticing for the first time that a map of the kingdom has been painted there. It seems, just as she views the room, that she sees the rest of the world with a sharper eye; she wonders that if she were to be escorted outside by one of those ghastly ladies in waiting outside, she would see the night sky with more precision than ever before. If she could sift through the darkness, would she be able to draw the stars? If she were to look back down to Earth and attempt to traverse the forest, could she watch the fauna as they walked through the pitch black?        

“Drink this,” Thor’s gruff voice cuts through the thick fog in her brain, handing her one of those obnoxious chalices. The metal and jewels adorning it are cooled by the chilled water inside of it, and she wonders how it stayed so cold despite the heat in the room. “You need to keep a clear head.”

She gives a little snort as she gulps the water down, small droplets spilling from her lips and down between her breasts. It takes all of the king’s minute willpower not to drink that down, too. “Why would I need that?”

Thor…does not have an adequate answer to that, at least one he can articulate. There’s a sense of dread that settles into his gut, winds its way through his gut and makes him feel queasy. He wonders if she hates Asgard just as her mother presumably hates his new wife’s home kingdom, if Thor had done something so devastatingly wrong to this poor young woman and the both of them would have to live in the choice forever.

“You know, if you’re going to spiral each time I say something like that, I’m going to need to behead you,” she jokes as she places the chalice back in Thor’s hands. Her arms shake just a little as she does so.

It takes a long while for the man to respond.