#it was weird but i'll take it i guess

[ladykeane]

I've had sometime to digest it

And the weird implied-but-also-husbands-au Nandermo ending is basically the kombucha girl meme of shipping

It got me like

[inkskinned]

before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.

you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"

and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.

it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.

you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.

in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.

the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.

you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.

after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.

the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.

you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.

[elvyn]

Interesting how one sad worm almost turned the world upside down

[disposal-blueeee]

VARGASTOBER - day 28 : fantasy

[amourninghost]

i climbed the fence, the one that you've been sitting on

[silverware-is-interesting]

i don't really love this but it's fine. might as well share it here

idk why i did this honestly. i was gonna make it my bg but i don't like it enough to do that for long so here. tumblr can look at this i guess

i was gonna add mephone but. drawing mephone is a struggle for me for some reason. so. only these guys

just the individual hosts under the cut cause i like the drawings :/ and the whole thing. including the mediocre bg

i'm not the beast at screenshotting things. but. uh. it's fine.

yeag. i'm. kinda tired. been a little unmotivated lately but this was kinda fun (till i got to the background. anyway.)

oh yeah. here's the full thing. i just don't like the rest of it as much

[soupyloopyx]

guys this is kind of weird but my friend ari doesn't have many friends irl and her birthday is coming up and i would be so grateful if some of you guys just replied to this post wishing her a happy birthday :) it would make her day and i would put it on this little website i'm making her (below)

i'm enlisting the help of our mutual friends, but i know it would mean so much to her to just see a lot of "happy birthday"s and it does only take a couple of seconds to type "happy birthday ari" into the replies section

thank you all so so so much <3

ignore our ss, they make sense in context 😭😭😭😭

[pa-pa-plasma]

you just made the scientific discovery of the century & you want to tell everyone & your kids are first on that list but you can't find them. you manage to get a hold of your daughter & she says everything is fine but her voice gets tight when you try to mention your work & she sucks in a breath & says she won't keep you from it any longer than she already has & doesn't say bye as she hangs up the phone. you have a sinking feeling in your gut & you really want to get back to what you were doing but. something's wrong. where are your kids. why was your daughter not surprised when you told her. why was she so quick to hang up on you. your husband has the same type of mind & that's probably why neither of you can ignore this odd turn of events & so you decide to track them down. the research can wait. after all, the spook got away somehow afterwards. it's not like you have anything to go through but data & recordings.

[eikichi-supremacy]

okay maybe an unpopular opinion but i think shiori shouldn't actually like hiei that much

[sysig]

Coding woes (Patreon)

[uncanny-tranny]

An immovable object (my perfectionism) meets an unstoppable force (my proclivity to say "fuck it" and move on). FIGHT.

[icewindandboringhorror]

... why he sit like this

[raiiny-bay]

new character page wip

[haru-chi]

Now that Miharu's arc is done and I gathered my thoughts and my strength, I feel like talking now for a bit ...

-contain manga spoilers-

Firstly, what the anime has done wasn't so bad at all, in fact I think they did the best they can without changing much which's I'm kinda surprised with for this season overall, it has the least changes out of all seasons so far (?), even the production value is far better than the last two season which was something I worried about tbh yet was pleased in general despite few little things 👀

With that being said and out of the way .. what come next isn't "hate" at all, so don't mistake it so :)

I found the anime version just lacking something .... it just didn't feel the same for some reason ... maybe the perfect word I find to describe what I feel is "detachment" ?

I don't know, was it because they simplify things which made things lose its gravity? Was it because they omit certain lines which had moved me the most in the manga ? Or was it that their interpretation of certain scenes was different than the manga vibe I got ? or they put emphasize on not what I thought they should've been ?

It's like, I felt Seiji/Miharu's burden, longing, wishes didn't hit that heavily ? Even Natori's inner struggle and action ... It's like I'm detached in certain way from their emotions which I don't even know if that's the perfect word to use but can't find a better word for what I felt ...

Hmmmmm, it's like, in the anime you feel like an outsider watching those people's story and struggles while in the manga you're an insider seeing all of this firsthand because of those little details etc thus you'd feel/understand it all better >>> don't know if this is a perfect example ><

I wondered if this was because they didn't do an extended hand before it, but as a manga reader this doesn't matter much for me so that's not it ...

But then I realized that this actually an on-going anime issue I always noticed and felt ... I even experience it firsthand being an anime-only way back then in the distant past ....

I feel the anime treat Natsuyuu's stories as standalone more than they should .. like aside from big arcs (mostly exorcist) then it doesn't matter what order everything else goes to ..maybe most fans think so too .. they don't realize that there IS a seamless story-flow under it all .. not all story follows it yet most stories can rely on it for building up be it on-going issues or questions and answers around it be it indirectly or directly (take an extended hand and Miharu's stories for example)

I was under this same misconception too back then, which's why when I jumped to the manga I was shocked by its depth and way of storytelling that genteelly indirectly connect most of its stories, which's why it resulted in Natsume's growth ...

His growth wasn't because of that certain story you just noticed it in it but was a result of the small ones before it which you thought was unrelated yet in fact it was a build-up and added depth to his character (maybe I'll talk in depth about it in different post?)

What I'm trying to say is, most story's order is important than some people think, and Midorikawa pay close attention to that and it's part of her storytelling and style which I really admire and love ... how there is an unspoken rule or something that put into attention few details or add more depth to the world/characters without directly saying so and that easily to miss ....

Do you remember how Homura's arc was something she wanted to do from early on yet because Natsume wasn't ready so she withhold for a very long time ... or how she didn't reveal Seiji had a sister before revealing that Taki had a brother (Seiji's sister arc was the next vol from Taki's brother reveal if no one noticed btw which's something I love and always wanted to mention and talk about)

That's why I said the anime treat Natsuyuu's stories as standalone more than they should and alot of things can gets lost ....

Miharu's arc didn't happen until an extended hand story happened before it .... and those stories are too important to each other ...but since I talked about this in a different post, I won't go about why that is here...

But this anime mindset results in Miharu going first which even after watching it I still find it a weird decision since there was room to do an extend hand then finish the season with Miharu's arc ....

I'm here thinking how such a simple thing can change your perception of things greatly or how can omitting or putting emphases on certain thing can change your view of them... I find that interesting but in the end that's why because of this the anime can never reach that same depth, that same unspoken indirect beauty ....

I really wonder why ? I feel like they had an idea or certain view about Natsuyuu which isn't wrong per say but can be harmful or a hindrance in the long run ?

Miharu's arc in the anime had me just setting here thinking and trying to understand why I find it lacking or feel this detachment and absent of gravity or weight from it that I felt in the manga ....

I'll stop here, it just I don't get it and kinda feel disappointed ? Sad ? Tbh I really don't know what I should be feeling other than I wanted something more for one of my best arc, it wasn't the worst yet wasn't that great either :)

[katyspersonal]

Effect I've shown to have on people in this fandom from time to time that I am proud of is making them actually speak their opinions and put them in the TAGS! Like, you guys don't know how it feels, to see someone go from "no I am afraid to say a thing because I don't want to be harassed" to "fuck it we ball tonight *passionately disagrees with the takes of toxic popular people and tags the post with fandom and character* 😎"

Like... guys, this IS the way to go, okay? More of you should finally beat it in your head that bullies draw their power from people that are AFRAID of them! If nobody covered in fear before them, they'd be nothing but stupid clowns in their stupid echo-chambers that just block away from the world and eventually having no one left to torture eat their own! This is NOT the norm when people are scared to post their interpretations in the fandom for videogames that specifically demand interpretations, shamefully resort to lurking in some private Discord servers just to share their art and thoughts, stay away from discussing a character they like because too many toxic fans put their claws on them and so on! I don't understand why many people are okay with this kind of fandom experience? And so many of them are older than me or unlike me have enough reputation to make REAL difference in the fandom, why?? I don't remember who owns a blog for suggesting headcanons for Soulsborne games but iirc they allowed bullies to scare them into making a rule against suggesting headcanons about Gwyndolin's gender because "people are mean to each other so it's a nono now and Gwyndolin is only they/them now 🥺". Like.... congratulations, you've betrayed the very point of your blog, which is to share different headcanons, to do what? To cover in fear before jerks that didn't grasp the concept of "up to interpretation"? Why would you do that, instead of showing people who can't respect different interpretations that they are NOT welcomed?

I don't know, man.. it is normal for autists to care about fandom a bit too much, I suppose. I don't see it as something inherently inferior to The Reeeeeal Life uwu. And so, I just hate to see people just willingly lend the power to bullies? Of course they are going to continue to make the fandom unpleasant, if they see that they can own the place by just leaving disheartening comments, laughing at someone with their mindless sheep mutuals in a reblog or sending a couple of anon hates! But like, when I realized a few other people saw this is unfair and should not be encouraged, and started at least saying something too.. idk, it gives me hope. It is hard to explain but I think 20+ or even 30+ age category is more than enough to move past the dumb high school dynamic! Not in the passive "eh who cares about fandoms anyway, it is not worth it and I am too mature to care" way, but in the "nah I won't stand for Cool Kids and bullies and nor should others" way

[starflungwaddledee]

been working on answering a prompt i received in an ask the other day, and so i'm back thinking about... the Thing... 💖🎀 and thought maybe prompt doodles might help me work through this a little?

so uhhh.... if by any wild chance anyone has any ship suggestions for starstruck...??? feel free to send them through!