#I went back to the old Dragon Age games to get a feel for something 😭

[elvyn]

Interesting how one sad worm almost turned the world upside down

[vaguely-concerned]

I was just ambushed within the turbulent halls of my own mind by some headcanons about rye ingellvar's childhood that did 15000000 points of psychic damage to me and my heart personally and also made me almost sure of how I want to play it all at the end (very very differently from how I imagined going in!). some 'oh holy fuck this changes everything' rocking my own world bullshit going on in my neurons right now I'm reeling

[lavellaned]

Actually I think one of the reasons why this game is so awful to get through is how it treats abuse, abusers, and abuse victims.

Under cut due to length of rambling:

First of all, Morrigan. Abused as a child by her mother, Flemeth aka Mythal, learned about the world and how to interact with it in a skewed way. Was treated in a way that no child should be by anyone let alone their parent.

Fast forward to Inquisition, particularly a worldstate in which Kieran is alive. The scene in the fade where Morrigan confronts Flemythal is one of the most important and special scenes in all of dragon age to me.

Growing up through abuse as a child you never think "I don't deserve this", you mainly think things like "Why is this happening to me?" and "Bad things happen to me." You know that these things are bad and make you feel bad, but when your baseline for how you should experience the world is abusive, you don't have the point of reference to think otherwise. And then you grow up. You look back on the abuse through the eyes of the child who experienced it but also through the detached, adult view that you currently have and have to reconcile the two. It's not easier nor pleasant. Getting to the age your abuser was/getting into the position of power your abuser had over you is difficult. Being at that stage and picturing yourself doing what was done to you to someone else is fucking sickening, and then you start to realize "I wasn't the problem, it WASN'T my fault, YOU are the one that's fucked up." But a lot of people can't and therefore the cycle of abuse continues.

But Morrigan does. She straight up tells her abuser "I will not be the mother you were to me." To have a character who survived childhood abuse be able to reach a point in their life where they can take back their personhood from their abuser is pretty damn important, actually. To this day I get weepy just thinking about it.

And then fucking veilguard happened.

Not only does it not matter if Kieran is alive or if Morrigan drank from the well (something that would BIND HER SPIRIT TO HER ABUSER), but Morrigan straight up let Mythal hitch a ride in her. The very thing that Morrigan tried to prevent ever since the first goddamn game? And we're all just supposed to accept and be ok with this?

The only way I can see this not being a complete character assassination of Morrigan is if Mythal just straight up possessed her unwillingly/killed her. Have Mythal use Morrigan as a information receptacle for new players, but also use old players' already-implemented relationship with her as a way to manipulate them. Either way, shit sucks.

Then there's the Crows. You know, the guild who takes children from brothels, orphanages, the streets and puts them through Hunger Games levels of training in which they either die or survive to become a slave assassin for the rest of their life. Not in veilguard. We're all just one big happy family. We rule Antiva, yippee!

Finally, there's Solas. One could argue his entire existence is the product of abuse, and everything that has happened in Thedas is because of it. I think framing his regrets as physical manifestations that want to kill him is a really interesting narrative choice. Unlocking the regret murals was one of the very few parts of this game that invoked a strong emotional response from me, not just because I'm an unapologetic Solas Enjoyer but because the implications are heartbreaking.

And then the game has you sit through the most fucking unbearable CBT group therapy session to talk about them with some of the most annoying damn people in Thedas who treat the literal apocalyptic levels of abuse Solas went through for millennia as something like a joke? And we the player are not given the option to challenge this? This game makes the point to force the player to agree with the flippant attitudes brought up from this.

Then brings up the final scene with Solas. Do I think the meeting with Mythal and Solas was handled well? Yes and no, but that's for another time. Solas is so far in the trenches of the trauma of abuse that he will not stop until his abuser pretty much tells him "I'm done abusing you." I think this was good and bad, again another time.

The way Solas interacts with his abuser is the direct flipside of how Morrigan does. You see more than one way someone can heal/not heal from it.

Morrigan, someone with arguable little power in the world, stands up against her abuser unflinchingly.

Solas, described through history as a GOD, someone with unfathomable amounts of knowledge and power, cowers and offers his abuser a literal weapon to kill him with, unprompted.

If this was a good game, it would be about regret but also about survivor's guilt, something that those who survived abuse have to deal with for the rest of their lives. But it's not, because it's a a bad game.

[ajramseyart]

I played Dragon Age Veilguard...twice

First! Fuck Solas!! For real though, great character.

Second Davrin and Emmrich won my heart this round.

I'm going to ramble about this game for a min. I have played all the games since the very beginning way back 15 years ago. Was part of the fandom and made sooooo much fanart. So much. So deal with it for a min.

Spoilers below

I wish I romanced Emmrich second though because the whole lich thing was something I didnt want. I went through the whole rest of his quest thinking bioware was going to make me romance a skeleton and I didnt want that...also the age gap thing took me out as well after making an older Rook. It made me feel like my character was 20 years old, especially with the option to tell this 50+ year old man that my Rook is a virgin.............Anyway I really loved his character and story, he is my very close second fav to Davrin.

Davrin was sweet and really loved his quest. It really fit in well with the grey warden story and overall story. He ended up being my fav companion this time around.

Grey Wardens impressed me. I went into this game wanting nothing to do with the Wardens. Been there, done that. Probably boring like they were in inquisition and DA2. Boy was I wrong. I really enjoyed the Wardens. I played a warden my second play through and having characters say its nice to have a warden around much better with two wardens...and it just hit me in the feels. It made me yearn for origins again. Loved the whole dark age Romanesque-ish aesthetic. It just felt really really good. It felt like home.

Main quest was really good this time around. Gameplay was good. Loved playing reaper. That third act was something I have been waiting for in an rpg.

I wish Rook wasn't so agreeable and nice. Its okay for "friends" and "found family" to have to conflict and drama and not also agree on everything. It really made me miss Vivienne and Wynne.

In my second play through I picked all the stern and aggressive options just to add some grit to Rooks personality.

I felt like the only Inquisitor that mattered was an inquisitor that romanced Solas. The only question that mattered was if you romanced Solas...which really sucked. I purposely did default inquisitor on my second play through just so I could trick solas into the fade without her in front of her.

I was really hoping that my inquisitor would show up at the end and kill him. It was on my bingo card but no...

I really wish they didnt add the inquisitor. But thats just one girls opinion. Key word here, opinion.

I called the Varric thing early on after getting Lucanis. So happy I didnt romance that guy. Once I saw he was possessed, I said no. Fool me once bioware.

Any way the Varric thing was really sad, I cried. It hit hard even though I knew the entire game he was dead..its a common trope.

It was a fun game, pretty game. Not the best dragon age game. The most memorable thing about this game for me will be the main quest and normally its the characters and I just feel like the characters got the shaft. I really wish I could have interacted with them more. They had a lot of quests which is great but having the option to click on them just to say hi would have done wonders.

I will not be making fan art this time around. I just have no urge or inspiration to make any.

[nerd-fandom-drabbles]

Paper Trail

Description: Lucanis wrestles with the possibility of betrayal as he delves into the mysteries surrounding his capture and subsequent disappearance. With Rook by his side, they piece together what few clues they have.

2461 Words

Characters: Lucanis Dellamorte and femme, elven Rook

Pairings: Lucanis x Rook, hint of potential Teia x Viago

Genre: Mystery???? Hurt and comfort.

Content Warnings: I'd rate this T for teen. Mostly for a few dirty words in English and Spanish and some adult themes. Adult themes: mentions of violence, betrayal, suspicion, sex. Spite being less of a physical gremlin and more of a voice in Lucanis's mind.

WARNING: Spoilers for all released Dragon Age: The Veilguard gameplay footage as of 10/26/24, The Wigmaker Job, and Eight Little Talons. Not necessary to have read the Tevinter Nights stories, though. I probably over-exposit for clarity.

Note: Probably will be OOC once the game comes out. Story details will probably be totally wrong, too.

Note 2: This is a part 1 of ???? If anyone actually reads it I might feel cute and write more.

Lucanis Dellamorte was tiring of sifting through papers. Although normally he was happy to compile and review intelligence dossiers or post-op status reports, today, he faced another beast entirely.

He sat at an old oak desk in Emmrich's library facing off against a tall stack of envelopes, the newest of which were freshly delivered. The twine bindings and wax seals all broken, their contents had been dumped out and arranged in some vague groupings for analysis. He had read through them all at least once already, but felt like he was missing something obvious. Exhaustion aside, he wasn't ready to stop digging for clues just yet.

He let out a big sigh.

His positioning in the room wasn't ideal and he knew he struggled to concentrate because of it. He would have preferred to be sitting with his back to a wall, as would be usual for him, but that wasn't currently possible due to the layout of Emmrich's furniture. It was already kind enough of Emmrich to let him use his space without a condition of said use being a complete reorganization of the room. So, he was instead situated as close to the door as he could be, relying on the sounds of footsteps, gait recognition, and the wide oak door's creaks to give away any potential intruders.

As a result, when he heard those familiar, soft-heeled footsteps make their way to the door, he already knew what to expect. Still, she opened the door ever-so-slowly and crossed the room quietly, maybe on tip-toes. Probably trying to surprise him.

“Boo!” she whispered, wrapping her arms around him and kissing his cheek, “Did I get you?”

“Ah, yes, mi amor.” He responded flatly, and softly stroked her arm, “You got me.”

“Lies,” she whispered in his ear, “What are you up to?”

“Tying together loose ends... or trying to, anyway.”

“Loose ends?” she asked and pulled away from him. He instantly missed her warmth.

She leaned against the desk now, pawing at his papers inquisitively.

“Old ship records. You're looking for details of your capture?”

“You know the one,” He leaned back in his chair, and met her eyes, now giving her his full attention.

And indeed she did. A year before they had met, Lucanis had been the target of a devastating kidnapping plot on his return voyage to Antiva from Tevinter. Venatori had surrounded and overrun his vessel, and with nowhere to escape, he was captured. He had spent nearly a year in their custody, subject to endless torture and experimentation in retaliation for the assassinations that earned him his moniker: “The Demon of Vyrantium.”

By the time Rook and Neve found him in his underwater prison, he had been saddled with more than a few extra demons of his own. One of them more literal than any of them could have expected.

She swallowed, “Hmm.”

“Months ago, when we were in Vyrantium looking for Zara, I went seeking the manifest of my ship from that night.”

“Alone? I would have come with you.”

“I... didn't entirely trust you yet.”

She wasn't hurt by this. Knowing everything he had been through, his caution was more than warranted. Still, she wished she could have joined him.

“Anyway, with the ship's captain having been killed in the attack, I went to the local port authority and asked for a copy of any documents. They said the ship I was on was with an independent trading company, and they'd inquire to the local merchant's guild.”

“And it took this long for them to get back to you?”

“It seems that particular ship had an incomplete record. It took months of back and forth between the three of us to confirm that some parts of the manifest simply did not exist.”

“Convenient.”

He shot her a knowing look of agreement. He gestured to the mountain of papers and envelopes on his desk, “This is the result of those exchanges.”

Her heart skipped a beat as his glance returned to her. The quiet intensity in his eyes never ceased to strike her.

“I've been scouring for clues, but... nothing stands out,” he said, rubbing his beard and leaning over his papers, “Any thoroughly incriminating evidence must have been among the redactions.”

“Still, there might be something they missed. Even a fake name or suspicious piece of cargo might be of interest to us,” Rook replied, and when Lucanis nodded, she then continued, “Have you shared this with Neve, yet? Following this sort of paper trail is her bread and butter.”

“Ah no, not yet,” Lucanis swallowed, “I wanted to reach a conclusion on my own before getting a second opinion.”

Rook sighed. She knew the real reason was that he was still sorting out who among the Veilguard he could trust. She had earned his good opinion through ceaseless dedication, honesty, and an uncanny ability to help him through his arguments with Spite. The hot, soul-bearing sex had probably helped, as well. The others on the Veilguard team, however, had presumably not been so lucky.

“Well, there is one thing. Something I expected to see that, conspicuously, wasn't there.”

“What?”

“I don't want to say. Not yet. Not until I'm sure.”

She sighed. This was a lot. “You know, your grandmother suspected that you were betrayed. By an ally.”

He stared blankly, “She said that? To you? When?”

“When Neve and I first met with Crows regarding your whereabouts. Before we met.” Rook fiddled with one of the pens on his desk, “She said it was why she didn't tell anyone about the fake body at your wake. She didn't know who to trust.”

“Mi amor. That is an important detail,” His forehead creased with frustration and he rubbed his furrowed brow, “Why didn't you mention it earlier?”

“I planned to tell you eventually, but I knew the rest of the Crows were looking into it and would report to you if they found anything. Besides, I didn’t want to add to your worries if there wasn’t anything you could do in the meantime.” She shook her head, “You had enough on your plate.”

“That is for me to decide, Rook. I know you were trying to protect me. But that was for me to decide.”

“I'm sorry. I... should have told you sooner.”

“I'm a big boy. Don't leave me in the dark.”

He could feel Spite weaving a sickly web in the back of his mind. She hides. She lies. And you think she loves you? He fought against the thoughts, knowing Spite's only interest was in isolating him further.

He met her pleading eyes and sighed; he was utterly unable to stay angry at her. “That changes things. She may have kept records of her thoughts on the matter somewhere... But where?”

The obvious place to look would be their ancestral home, however, this was Caterina they were talking about. She had kept a million secrets, and probably had a million different places to stash them. Plus, if Caterina had been correct, and the traitor was a close ally, it's possible they may have already been beaten to the punch, with any evidence destroyed or altered... But even if so, it was another lead.

He wondered briefly if she might have kept a safety deposit box in a bank vault somewhere. As next of kin, he would be able to get his hands on it, but anyone else would likely have more trouble. Anyone else except...

He thought for a moment, and then asked, “Who else knows about that little tidbit?”

“Uh, just those of us who were in the room, I assume.” She counted on her fingers, “Teia, Viago, Neve, and your cousin.”

“Illario?” He paled and she nodded, “Shit.”

“Why, what's wrong?” She paused in her tracks, blood running cool in her veins, “You suspect him.”

“He was supposed to be on that ship with me, but ran off on a 'job' last minute. If he bought a ticket, his name would have been on the manifest next to mine, but it wasn't. The page was ripped out.” He growled, “I know. Convenient.”

“Your own cousin? Luca, but why would he-?” She stopped, her mouth becoming dry, “Oh.”

“Oh?”

More secrets. Spite hissed.

“I've been... spending some casual friend time with Teia.”

He raised an eyebrow. This was news to him. Not good or bad. Just... news.

“What? She's fun! And I think when she and Viago finally hook up, they'll be great for double dates.”

He cracked the slightest hint of a smile. He actually liked that idea, even if the chances were slim. Those two were utterly hopeless.

“Anyway, she told me about your rivalry.”

“Rivalry? What rivalry? There is no rivalry.” At least, no more than any other set of boy-cousins around a similar age.

“She also told me you'd say that,” she chuckled dryly, “That Illario was always comparing himself to you but you always brushed it off.”

“What? No, that's a misreading of the situation,” he shook his head, “No, I was just older, and so he followed me around like a puppy.”

“Vhenan, I love you. But you are literally brushing it off right now,” he let out an annoyed little groan, and she continued, “You were Caterina's favorite. Everyone thinks you should be the heir. He's barely even a contender. He's jealous.”

He blinked. He had considered Illario a suspect, but hadn't been able to pin down a compelling motive. There had been conflicts in their past, over everything from jobs to girls, sure, but enough to collaborate with their enemies to take down family?

And jealousy? What even was a little jealousy among relatives, anyway? He was jealous of Illario's even bronze skin, ease with women, and ceaseless, grating charm, but he would never wish him harm over it. They were different, yes, but that was what made their friendship work.

Still, he was pulled back to the Wigmaker job. That entire night, Illario had seemed preoccupied with the possibility that Lucanis would be selected by Caterina to take on the role of First Talon in her stead. In fact, Illario had asked on one - no - two separate occasions, what Lucanis would do if she tapped him. In response, Lucanis had been honest and told him that he had no desire for the role, and would prefer Illario have it for himself. But he'd also been honest that Caterina could force him into it if she wanted to, and that they would need a plan to convince her to name Illario instead. And at the time, Lucanis had assumed that was enough to sate him.

But maybe he'd gotten impatient. Maybe he was more ambitious than Lucanis had given him credit for? Maybe he wanted his dear cousin out of the picture entirely?

Fuck off, Spite. I feel you in there. The entity merely cackled and retreated to the deeper parts of his sub-conscious, done stoking his fire, for now.

Truthfully, Illario was only a somewhat skilled stealth infiltrator, but he certainly had enough skill to break into a lightly-guarded private shipyard and alter the records unseen. If the Venatori had reached out to him and made him an offer... maybe let him in on the plan to get rid of their Demon problem...

The simmering in Lucanis's blood turned to a boil. That made motive, means, and opportunity. He gripped the armrests of his chair so hard he thought they might break. After a few tense moments, he bit his thumb and muttered under his breath, “Ay, ese mierdito. Imbécil. ¡Bastardo, coño!” He clenched his fist.

The air in the library was thick with silence. It wasn't a huge outburst; he'd hardly moved, but still, Rook was surprised. She didn't have to speak Antivan to know that he was angrier than she'd ever seen him. This was highly unusual, to say the least, and she wasn't sure what to do. It was far more common for her to have to pry his feelings out of him, or ply him with alcohol or affection to get him to emote at all. And even then, even with Spite's chiding haunting his waking thoughts, she'd never seen him so volatile. And yes, the circumstances were dire, but there were still so many unknowns.

“Luca, please. We don't know it was him.” She firmly placed her hand on the table and leaned towards him, “Besides, doesn't this all feel a little too easy? Anyone – anyone – could have requested copies of these documents. They're public record. Whoever did this knew we would get them eventually.”

“So?”

“So... The page was removed. His name might have been on it, but we can't know now. This could all be a frame job to tear you two apart when you need each other.”

He blinked hard, breathing heavy, slowly coming down from his rage.

“You're right. You're right. Thank you.” He took her hand and gave it a little kiss, “I'm sorry I-”

“We need more information,” she interrupted his apology. It wasn't necessary. Not from him. Not now. His rage, though perhaps momentarily misdirected, was perfectly valid in her eyes. And she knew that when the time was right, it would be useful.

He gave her hand a little rub with his thumb and then let it go. He took a deep breath. He fastened the nearest group of papers with a paper clip and set them down on the desk in a neat stack. He took another deep breath, firmly gripping the desk's edge. He needed to set aside his feelings and think clearly. Think. After a moment, he looked up at her.

“Let's set up a meeting with Teia and Viago. You, me and Neve. If we meet at Caterina's, we can kill two birds with one stone: go through her effects to see if we can dig up anything, and get a status report on anything they've uncovered through their investigations.”

“That's a good plan, Luca.”

He nodded. To anyone else, his expression might look neutral, but Rook knew him well enough by now to see the distress clearly on his face. Something about where he held his tension, probably. To be surrounded by so many enemies, and not know who to trust? Her heart sank for him. No wonder it had taken so long for him to open up to her.

“I hate seeing you like this, vhenan.” She reached out and placed a tender hand on his jaw. “Come.”

She pulled him into a warm embrace, and he melted into her, nuzzling into her neck as she snaked her arms around to stroke his hair and lower back.

“We will find who did this. I promise you."

[chaifootsteps]

Hi Chai,

Since I know you are not a transmisogynist, what are some of your favorite transfem characters or characters you hc as transfem?

Btw this is the Malva anon again, I've been sending asks more than once but I realized I may be a regular asker now lol

GL with Bluesky

*Rubs hands eagerly*. Gladly! Let's talk about some ladies!

Rachel Bighead from Rocko's Modern Life

My friend and I were watching this in VC the other night and Rachel's probably my favorite example of how to "trans" a character, especially one that's been around for a long time, right. Nothing about it feels shoehorned or asspulled or like it was done to appease a board somewhere. Ralph's defining characteristic throughout Rocko's original run was being absolutely miserable all the time, no matter how much success in life he achieved, and so when we learn that he went off soul searching and discovered Rachel was the answer? It made perfect, beautiful sense.

Rachel's just...amazing. She's dry as ever, but unflappably confident. She's Ralph at perfect peace, and the journey we see the Bighead family go on? Bev's immediate acceptance, Ed's tearful epiphany that that little tadpole who damaged his retina is still right in front of him, and the three of them hugging? God, this part of the special was so good. Rachel's so good.

Also, I ship her with Rocko like whoa.

2. Grell Sutcliffe from Black Butler

I freaking love Grell. She's absolutely nuts, has an awesome design and a kickass weapon, and was surprisingly poignant and not-meanspirited considering the time period the show came out in. I love how the English dub has her give a kind of orgasmic bird squawk every time something goes right for her. 10/10, would support every last one of her woman's wrongs.

(Incidentally, Grell's one of the reasons it annoys me when people call me transmysogynist based off my opinions on Arcee, because let me tell you, I did my tour of duty back during the Grell Wars.)

3. Jerry/Daphne from Some Like it Hot

First of all, this movie's amazing and if you haven't watched it and don't know the very famous ending, go remedy that right now. And then chase it with this fic. I'll wait.

I'm firmly in the camp that believes Jerry/Daphne is genderfluid, and holy cow, is this a lovely little story of self-discovery and falling in love. It's just so special to me. It makes me smile like a damn fool every single time.

4. Fem!Shep from Mass Effect

Okay, this one's kind of cheating because Shepards are customizable and can be anything you want, but I loved the idea from the get-go. That's in part because fem!Shep's model still moves like male!Shep, and it's especially noticeable when she sits, but it also just kind of feels fitting with a lot of the dialogue options. In conclusion, my Shepard was great and I need to replay that game with Legendary Edition because I miss her deeply.

5. Maevaris Tilani from Dragon Age

Mae's wonderful on so many levels and she's a character I'm very excited to meet face-to-face in Veilguard. She's stunning, an absolute powerhouse, she's good friends with my my beloved Dorian, and her relationship with her late chubs hubby was beautiful. I'm pretty sure she's not going to be romanceable, but if she was, I think my Rook would be doomed.

6. Hana from Tokyo Godfathers

This movie's a treasure and so is Hana. I like that she's old, she's stubbly, she doesn't pass flawlessly, but by god, if anyone deserves to be a mom, it's her.

7. Angel from Rent

Another genderfluid character! At least, that's my best guess. I've always loved that we have no fucking clue exactly what flavor of genderqueer Angel is, that not even the cast seems unanimous on it.

I loved Rent when I was younger, thought it was so deep and profound, and it's kinda not but Angel was easily my favorite character. Still is.

8. The Laughing Cow and the Lactaid Cow

They're cows that don't have udders and they're gay and in love, I don't make the rules.

9. Anode and Lug

Transfem lesbian bots from RiD's (the comic run IDW Arcee is from) much more competently written sister series, they're a demonstration of how to do it right. I like that one transitioned medically and the other didn't. Anode features very prominently in my Arcee fix-it fic and I grew very attached to her while writing it.

10. Marco from Star vs. the Forces of Evil

I'm gonna level with you, I never actually watched this show. But I was very invested in this one back in the day and disappointed when it never came true.

Honorable mention: Art the Clown from Terrifier

While I don't exactly headcanon Art as transfem, there's a fic on ao3 that explored the idea and I kind of dug it. I could see Art much younger, with many possible futures laid out, and that being one of them. I think if something fundamental hadn't broken in his soul/brain, he would have been either trans or a fruity old drag queen, happy as a clam.

Mind you, this is all fanon talk. My jaw would hit the floor with horror if this became canon and Art would go straight on the pile of characters I get yelled at for "misgendering" because if I refuse to swallow rotten food.

[mrs-gauche]

Vows & Vengeance Episode 1

ALRIGHT GUYS! As always, I'm super late to the party (although for once, I actually have a good reason, which is that I'm currently kinda in the middle of renovating my place lol), and while I first listened to the episode on Thursday, I just wanted to let it sink in a bit and listen to it again a few times, to really appreciate all the details. :D So here are a trillion few notes on the first episode (spoiler, I loved it! <3333) and I hope this doesn't sound too jumbled, I haven't had a lot of sleep lately. 😂😂💀💀

- Ok, so my first reaction to the ending was basically: "OH MY GOD NOTHING CAN EVER GO RIGHT", "DAMN THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY" and sobbing for Elio, I guess. lol

- My general thoughts: I loved it!! ❤️❤️❤️ I felt like it was gripping and immersive from the beginning, but also genuinely funny and moving at times! I think this first episode did a good job of setting up the plot, the pacing was good and I'm already invested in the new characters! The sound design and voice acting was top notch (albeit maybe a bit over the top and a little cheesy in a couple of scenes lol) and I absolutely LOVED the little nuggets of the Veilguard soundtrack we got throughout (Zimmer and Balfe confirmed!!). There are a few tiny nitpicks, but overall this was fantastic and correct me if I'm wrong, but I've never heard of a game being marketed with an audio drama before? 😂 But looking at Dragon Age's amazing voice cast (and the fact that they all made us develop a voice kink lmao), this makes so much sense and I need like a hundred more of these in the future. lol

Notes on the episode itself:

- The narrator reminds me so much of the ones in these old anime dubs. I was expecting him to be like "LAST TIME ON DRAGONBALL Z". He got lost in the wrong dragon franchise. lol Really cool voice though!

- I LOOVE how it starts off with a minute of just the ambient sounds, chatters and music of the tavern, to really get that immersion, as if you just walked into this place yourself. - That new rendition of "Oh Grey Warden" hit me in the feels ngl.. ;-;

- Nadia just walking it and poisoning Olen to get answers was such a badass introduction to our main character! - I like how the narrative is neatly tied together by making this a retelling of what happened, starting off with loads of questions and by the end we're back in the present again.

- Nadia and Elio are so sweet nawww <3333 - Those sounds of Elio waking Nadia up were straight up ASMR. lol - The tune that's playing in the back here is sooo nice, I wonder if it's part of the new Love theme or something. 🥹❤️

- A sort of forbidden love between Liberati and Altus, oh this better end f*cking well!! 💀💀💀 - Well, that birthday got cancelled REAL fast. lol - I get Nadia's outbreak, but DAMN, she went OFF on him from like 0 to 100 in a heartbeat. lmao I guess something was bottling up for quite some time. - "I'm sorry" Oh no. I notice a certain pattern. *sob* - Again, that track that's playing here, wooow. Goosebumps! It's a super tragic rendition of the main theme. I just know this one's gonna hit so hard whenever that plays in Veilguard. 😭

- I wonder if the docks here are the same we've seen in screenshots. :3 - The soundtrack that's playing here reminds me SO MUCH of Unravel (one of my favorite tracks in recent years! <3333) - I like Nadia and Vik's dynamic. Super authentic. :D

- Nadia's reaction to the gold and then "TRIPLE the bag for delivery??" Yeah, Solas truly is the richest apostate hobo in all of Thedas. Those vaults from Trespasser come in handy now. Good thing the currency of old Elvhenan is apparently still valid. lol - Solas' quest of collecting every ancient powerful artifact continues. - Isn't this like the second time now that Solas indirectly hired someone to break into the Archives? lol They really need to improve that security. (Watch there being a quest in Veilguard where you have to break in there again, but it's impossible due to the amounts of guards now and Solas is like "Yeah, that might be my fault, sorry." lol)

- Super random thought, but judging by the sound design, there's gotta be lots of chickens running around in the streets of Minrathous. lol - NEVE!! <3333 (I'm sorry to anyone who had the wildest conspiracy theories about that teaser image and was expecting someone else. lmao) - So, wait. Does that mean Solas also anticipated Neve to talk to Elio? Or maybe someone else was supposed to do that but Neve got there first? lol

- Nadia and Vik have got to be the noisiest thieves I've ever heard. LMAO HOW did you manage to steal anything until now?? 💀💀💀 - I love how you keep hearing Vik laughing in the distance while distracting the guards. lol

- I wonder if all the turmoil could have been avoided if they just informed Elio about his ancestor's connection to the Eye and the Venatori from the get go. I guess he needed that push of knowing to never be able to return to his life in Tevinter to go along with it, but.. *sigh* poor Elio. - "I trust you." UHGGHH We were on the right track there. 😭😭 - That music AGAIN?? Chilllls!! - Nadia just casually destroying hundreds of years worth of relics. Love it. lol - "FLAME BLAST!!" Oh, this is so anime. lmaoo - Elio going from "WE'RE NOT DOING THIS" to fully enjoying beating up templars and go full criminal in a matter of seconds as soon as he sees his girl in her element. He loves her so much. <33

- "Who's the hat?" lol - That groan after the Dread Wolf name drop? Yeah, that was actually me. lmao - So, I assume this also ties in with Neve already knowing about Solas and his shenanigans in Minrathous when she met Varric in The Missing. Maybe it was this very incident that Neve was talking about? - Noooo, Vik!! 😭😭 (I knew you for like five minutes, but you made in impact. lol) - Sooo... I take it these "assassins" were actually Venatori, since they were the ones going after the Eye in the first place? Or am I stupid now? - "The eye went boom!" Love that delivery. lol - "She's trying to freeze the bay!" Yeah, Neve just DID that. What a boss. - "An elf with a fancy tongue." Oh, I know who THAT is. lmao

- "Me and you." 😭😭😭😭 You two are killing me. - That motif AGAIN. 😭😭😭😭😭 - Oh, for fuck's SAKE. Solas really always has the best flippin timing. They're all sweet and loving and here goes our disaster man "I'm about to ruin this couple's day so good." 💀💀💀 It's her BIRTHDAY, dammit!! - "Ominous looking chap in the road" lmao All I could think of there was THIS (for anyone who gets the reference LMAO)

- How is it that I knew he would appear in this episode from the teaser, and yet I still freaked out so hard. lmaoo After such a long time, it's like any second of new Solas content makes my heart skip a beat (or several). 😭😭 I still can't believe we're getting all this. 🥹

- Look, I may be a Solasmancer and have my biases, but godDAMN.. GDL is so good. HE IS SO GOOD. That Welsh accent. That rolling lilt. A voice like velvet that can be both so smooth and so sharp. There is just something about his performance that has you on the edge of your seat every time he's talking and I looove these little moments when you can so clearly hear that cheeky little smile in his voice. 💜

And it's so nice to hear him talk so calmly (well, at first at least lol) and kinda playful again, opposed to how super anxious he sounds at the beginning of Veilguard. 🥺 It's kinda interesting to compare this performance with DAI now, because now he's fully embracing the Dread Wolf role, and I keep thinking this is him after being isolated for the past ten years. ;-;

- Anway, so Nadia "unknowingly employed by the Dread Wolf" gets her pay from Richie Rich and girl, that would've been the moment to LEAVE. *sob* - "What other choice do we have?" Well, I dunno, RUN?? lmao - *chuckles* "I will demonstrate." Alright, I'm dead. Why did you say it like THAT? T_____T - Hearing Solas talk in elven after so long.. Dead again. Overkill. And yes, he's saying the exact same thing he said to Sera once. No, we don't know what it means. lol Maybe Sera IS actually an ancient magical artifact and he tried to trigger.. something. lol - That whole flippin dialogue. Solas please stop talking like an old witch trying to lure her prey into her lair. 💀 - "I do not play games." *screaming* - Honestly, I was like "NOOO WHY would you GO with himmm" but then I remembered, SHIT I WOULD FOLLOW HIM ANYWHERE. Hell, I *HAVE* followed him anywhere. To Hell and back. 💀💀💀💀💀 - Solas' persuasion game is at maximum at all times.

- "Energy is neither dark nor light." Speak for yourself, Trickster God of In Between. - "It is the Fade. The Veil is fragile here."

- Solas finally gets to answer questions again, but Nadia is rude about it. 😂 Solas slightly approves AND disapproves. lol - "Kindly remove your blade from my neck."

- Those damn Venatori at it AGAIN with their hunt for magical McGuffins. After TN and the Missing, I'm starting to believe that is all Solas did in the last ten years, snatching one deadly toy out of the their hands after another. lmao - "And it is up to me to ensure we arrive at the best possible outcome." Oh, we're so doomed. - "You're sharper than you let on." Here we go again with the backhanded compliments. lol Ohhh, how I missed it.

"Some people confuse a reckoning as an ending." "I seek... regeneration."

Holy shit. The voice. The long pause. The delivery of that last line. Shivers down my spine. It feels eerie. Like he sounds.. desperate.. and maybe a little.. insane? lmao (That's how you start to talk if you've been separated from your soulmate for ten years 💔💔💔)

Ok look, I've seen a TON of people thinking that, because of the way he says this and him using the word "reckoning" ("For a reckoning that will shake the very heavens"), this HAS to be whatever part he took of Mythal speaking now that has taken over his mind or something. But.. I don't think so? lol

I honestly think this is just Solas who, after a thousand years of preparing to "heal" the world again that he broke, even after admitting to himself that this world and its people are in fact real and he has to destroy it, is SO close to getting there now and there's NO ONE who could possibly understand him or how he truly feels or what any of this or the Blights/Titans/spirits/gods/Veil even truly ARE, so no WONDER he sounds a little f*cking unhinged. 💀💀💀

The choice of words is very interesting though.. "Regeneration" is not something he has ever used, BUT it immediately made me think of the line "But still, some hope remains for restoration" in Trespasser. This is what google tells me:

Regeneration represents a form of upgrade from restoration. If restoration means “to make something well again,” regeneration, for some authors, means “to make it better” than a (supposed) origin condition.

Regeneration: "a renewal or restoration of a body, bodily part, or biological system (such as a forest) after injury or as a normal process/ or a spiritual renewal or revival"

You know.. if I read "restoration of a bodily part or biological system", you know what's the first thing that comes to my mind yet AGAIN.

Look, that Titan's body is SPLIT IN HALF and we know that this was kinda the catalyst for everything Solas did back then, so... I'll just leave that here and listen to rest of the episode now. lmaoo

- "And the eye will make us fix that?" "More or less." dksdjjgdkfvlf THE SMILE IN HIS VOICE. What does that even MEAN? What do you MEEEAN, SIR?? I would've RUN out of that cave SO flippin FAST. - "And you're sure this is safe?" "As safe as we make it." *literally two minutes later* "SOLAS, SOMETHING IS WROOONG!!" This is a goddamn comedy show. lmaoo - "Silence, please." lol at him still being polite. - "This is all to be expected!" *five seconds later* "WE MUST FLEE!" I BUST out laughing. WHY are you such a DISASTER. Nothing EVER goes right and yet you always keep trying, you fool, omg!! - I don't think we have ever heard Solas so distressed. lol Like, not even when Wisdom died or at the beginning of Veilguard. - "Take my hand!" I would've never thought to hear THAT Trespasser line repeated under those circumstances, but here we are. lmaooo - We know Solas is a hopeless romantic, so for him to see that sweet couple torn apart because of him, and him still trying to save Nadia, I'm not ok. - Solas being responsible for Elio getting banished to the Fade and him being trapped there not long after.. Do you believe in karma? 😂 - "I'M SORRY!" WHY DOES IT ALWAYS END WITH HIM SAYING THAT. 😭

- So.. uh... what even WAS the plan, exactly? lol Like, what was supposed to happen?? Maybe they should've asked a few more questions after all. 💀 - That following scene with Nadia all alone. I got chills again. That hit different. ;-;

- "Where can I find this wolf??" Oh, she is about to hunt him down. 😶 "...I'll be back." Nadia in full Terminator mode now. 😂 - How are she and Elio connected now though? How can she hear him? 🥺 And I can't help but think about whoever was left in the Fade in DAI again, too. 😭😭😭 - Not the credits making me almost sob AGAIN because of the music. 😭 It is so so good.

So there we are. Everything went wrong, a couple is doomed and Solas is sorry. So, nothing changed. LMAO Everything as usual. 💀💀💀 Solas, I swear, if you don't get these two back together again and pay Lavellan a visit afterwards, my Rook might rethink listening to your advice in Veilguard. lmao

I can't wait for that next episode! This was so much fun and an amazing start, and I'm so excited to hear all the other companions! :D ❤️❤️❤️

[catofadifferentcolor]

Terrible Fic Idea #91: Modern Girl in Thedas, but make it DA2

In honor of DA:V coming out next month I've been replaying DA:I. This is something of a trial because, having just finished a Hogwarts Legacy replay, it's easy to tell that this game is 10 years old - that, and I loved how focused and intimate DA2 feels. Yes, it has world-spanning implications, but it's really all about this guy trying to do his best by his friends and his family. I love it, and DA:I never inspired the same kind of feels.

All of which is a long way of saying: I got to thinking about that most famous of tropes, Modern Girl in Thedas, and I thought about how would I handle it?

Or: What if the MGiT were to appear in Kirkwall shortly before the Fifth Blight?

aka the Thedas is Not Enough fic

Just imagine it:

Rather than a true self-insert, I see this more as modern woman meets Thedas, with a middle-aged fan of the Dragon Age series waking up in the body of an unnamed background character in a Hightown estate sometime in early 9:30 following a severe illness. The keyword here is fan - the SI has played the games, read the fic, and glanced at the wiki, but couldn't write out a clear timeline or recall most codex entries.

The SI eventually learns that she's woken up in the body of Sofia Vidal, the 15-year-old daughter of the richest merchant in Kirkwall. Their family has a virtual monopoly on cloth trade on the northern cost of the Waking Sea and has distant ties to Orlesian Nobility as well as the Amells. Their Hightown estate abuts the future Hawke Estate, and if the term robber baron existed in Thedas it would probably apply to here them.

Now, going from the body of a middle-aged engineer from the modern world into the body of a teenager in a Medieval fantasy world is difficult... but luckily no one seems to notice, because it seems doubtful that anyone has ever noticed Sofia Vidal in her life, her family included. She was mousy and shy and easily startled and apparently an endless disappointment to the family for being more fond of books than hunting or fighting.

Because, as Sofia soon discovers, the Vidal family has aspirations. They can read the writing on the wall with regards to the current Viscount and are willing to go to any end to have their family be named the viscountcy.

To which end: Sofia is the youngest of seven children. Three died in the cradle or soon after. Her oldest brother - Gaspare, her senior by nearly twenty years - spends most of his time in Orlais with his titled wife, running the family business interests there. Their other two living siblings are mages, with Amalia sent to the Kirkwall Circle while her twin Agnese went to the Circle at Dairsmuid. It had been their father's hope that, should they not be able to secure the viscountcy themselves, one of his children could marry into the line... but Sofia is so unlikely to catch anyone's eye that her father despairs of her ever marrying at all.

All of which brings us back to the events of DA2.

Sofia may not know much, but she knows that the Blight is coming. She also knows that the conditions in Darktown are horrendous and only about to get worse as refugees flood the cities, so she buys a book on healing, collects some herbs, and sets up shop on the opposite side of Darktown from where Anders had his clinic. It's better than sitting around the estate all day and makes her feel like her transmigration has a purpose.

The events of canon proceed apace...

...which is something of a surprise, because for a long while it's quite easy for Sofia to forget that she's in a video game world at all. That is, until Anders appears at her door looking to swap healing recipes, trade potions, and - eventually - share a drink at the end of the day.

It's through Anders that she meets Garrett Hawke - a cheerfully sarcastic force mage of breathtaking power. He's the sort of powerful it would be easy to fear if he wasn't so affable and in control of his gifts. The idea that he could probably take over Kirkwall through sheer power of his magic and personality alone never seems to occur to him - which is good, because he could probably be DA's answer to Alexander the Great if he cared to try.

Sofia doesn't join the Kirkwall crew, however. She does her healing, gleefully watches their antics from the sidelines, and occasionally joins them for a drink at the Hanged Man.

Though she is the first to welcome the Hawkes to Hightown at the end of Act I, becoming quite close with Leandra. (For many years Leandra will harbor the hope that Sofia and her son will marry and give her many grandchildren to dote over, but neither are inclined that way. Especially after it's revealed they're third cousins.)

Sofia turns 19 in 9:34, the year Hawke becomes Champion.

It's also the year Sofia is introduced to Sebastian Vael, being dragged out of bed in the middle of the night to attend the prince, who is bleeding out in the foyer of Hawke's home following the events of Repentance. It's not the first time this has happened - Sofia's bedroom is infinitely closer than Ander's clinic - but it is perhaps the most embarrassing.

Embarrassing, because she prefers not to be introduced to royalty in her nightclothes. Sofia has standards - not many, mind, but she has them.

Luckily for her, Sebastian is far too out of it to recall what she was wearing. But he can't help but develop a crush on the kind healer who so diligently tended his wounds - one who also ministers to the poor and downtrodden, though she could easily choose to live a life of luxury.

What follows falls somewhere between the canon friend and rival romances. We get a Sebastian who wants to regain Starkhaven because Sofia deserves no less than a Prince but who has the calm and pro-mage sympathies of the friendship route.

But that of course takes time, because Sofia's not convinced at first that Sebastian's crush has nothing to do with seeing her in her nightclothes. (Nor, for that matter, does she particularly care for the idea of a chaste marriage or an aggressively anti-mage spouse. She'd not been a particular fan of Sebastian in the game, but hadn't hated him either.)

Canon proceeds apace. Hawke becomes Champion, Kirkwall is left without a viscount, and Sofia's father tries to marry her off to however looks most likely to succeed Dumar this week.

As the chaos mounts, the soft, slow romance between Sofia and Sebastian is a breath of fresh air. On Sebastian's part, it grows from a seed of fondness - and, yes, lust - to genuine affection as he gets to know Sofia. For her part, by the time Sofia realizes she cares for Sebastian she's already in deep. Its friendship turned to love, which is the best and strongest.

They wed in a small ceremony in 9:36, only telling Sofia's father after the fact. As Sebastian has to leave the Chantry to do so, they're forced to camp out at Hawke's estate for several weeks before finding a small place of their own. This is awkward - mostly because the Vidal estate right next door and Sofia's father is a pompous ass on the best of days.

As the calendar turns to 9:37, matters reach their tipping point. Anders blows up the Kirkwall Chantry and Hawke is forced to kill him in hopes of restoring order. This fails and events of the endgame play out with Hawke siding with the mages.

Hawke goes on the run, helping mages across the Free Marches get to safety.

Sebastian makes good on his promise of taking back Starkhaven for Sofia, making her a princess in truth. The city becomes a sanctuary district for many of the mages in northern Thedas, much as Redcliffe was for the mages in the south. This doesn't prevent the events of DA:I, but halves the numbers of conscripts available for Alexius to conscript later. They send forces to help Kirkwall rebuild... but the city is still lawless and in turmoil when the Conclave occurs in 9:40.

Per Sofia's urging, Sebastian helps the Inquisition in its early days... though she does make it clear that she thinks the Inquisition's only aim should be to close the Breach.

But for the most part Sebastian and Sofia end up living fairly happily in Starkhaven. They have a larger family than Sofia ever imagined herself wanting - 5 kids, but magical epidurals are a wonderful thing. It's not a utopia, but it's the best that can be expected given the politics of the time. Their eldest succeeds their father as Prince of Starkhaven while their next oldest, not to be outdone, eventually gets themselves named Viscount of Kirkwall - just as the Vidal family had always dreamed.

Bonuses include:

Sofia becoming deeply, deeply over-invested in the relationship between Hawke and Fenris. So much so that for a while Sebastian thinks she's interested in one or the other or both and resolves to let her pursue her happiness without any interference from him, only to have it knocked into his head by a third-party that Sofia doesn't want be with them, she wants them to be with each other. This should be played for maximum humor and confusion.

An exceptionally complicated relationship with the Chantry. Sebastian is very much a committed Andrastian, whereas Sofia was agnostic at best in the modern world. Are demons and magic and the Breech proof that the Maker exists? Should she follow the rituals of the religion for Sebastian's sake or be honest about her beliefs? Can she open her mind enough to give Andrastianism an honest try? &c.

Sofia coming to view Leandra as second mother. Though she tries her best to prevent the events of All That Remains, she's not a fighter. All she's able to do is injure Quentin and alert Hawke to the problem sooner; Leandra still dies, but it's before Quentin is able to reanimate his perfect bride.

An engineer being forced to come to terms with magic. It makes the transition to a world at Middle Ages level of scientific advancement easier than it otherwise would be (magically running water!) but still makes Sofia's basic knowledge of germ theory a great leap forward in her Darktown clinic; and

Sofia gaining a reputation for being a great storyteller by blatantly stealing stories from the modern world to entertain children at her clinic. Varric eventually "borrows" some of these ideas and ends up writing the DA version of Harry Potter set in a fictional Circle in the years leading up to the mage rebellion.

And that is surprisingly more than I had. To be frank, the Sebastian romance snuck up on me because it's not one I usually go for, but the muse wants what it wants. As always, feel free to adopt this bun - just link back if you do anything with it.

More DA Ideas | More SI Ideas | More Terrible Fic Ideas

[rennorthernlights]

The World We Knew

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4: Snakes In The Garden,

Warnings: The depictions of the priest are not at all an embodiment of other priests and Christian. Implied grooming, Creepy older dudes being weird around KidReader, Nothing happens to the KidReader though, Zombies, Mentions of minor character death, Sexism towards woman, Zombie apocalypse brings out the worst

Backstory to get a better insight about Issac and Radio girl’s first group. (Radio girl being Reader)

She remembers the day she went to church for the first time. An impressionable age of 10 years old. Her mother made her father swore that if they ever had children that they should be allowed to choose their faith. Her father, a devout Christian, agreed to her mothers, an atheist in every sense of the word, request.

Granted her father tried to persuade his daughter to go to church, she just never wanted to go. That is until her father made Captain in the police department. His church was holding a celebration for her father’s honorable work. The people were nice and even though she hated being forced into a frilly dress that her mother picked out. She’d much rather watch Kim Possible or maybe Dragon Ball Z but at least Sunday school was fun.

Some of the kids even made her laugh and she sorta had a lil crush on one of the boys too… much to the teasing and amused smile her mother gave her. “Alright now, lil lady church is starting.” Her mom said as she waved goodbye to the cute looking boy. Sitting in the hard pews as she had half a mind to fall asleep that is until the robe looking dude walked up to the wooden thing. Tugging on her mom’s sleeve to ask her who and what that is. “That man is a priest. Father Abraham Norton and that’s a pulpit.” An O on her face as she nods and looks to him.

They say that children can understand an adult far better than an adult could. Something about being able to clock when something just ain’t right. That tiny, small feeling of something most would miss.

The beady eyes of the priest is what set her off. Not her fault since she was always the best at games like I Spy and Hide-and-Go-Seek. He was off… so to speak, at least about the way the man looked. “Like a snake,” her brows furrowed as her mom pinches her elbow to be quiet and to listen. She couldn’t shake how much of a snake he looked like to her. Blame all the zoo books she got for Christmas.

The way his tongue rolled on S’s and the eyes the man had. Like they were searching for something. “Good morning, my lambs.” The man says with a soft smile. Eyeing the crowd and she shakes her head of nerves when his eyes land on her for a bit. “Now I know we are celebrating and honoring our new appointed Captain but there is something that I must say.” His shoulders fall as he looks sad but almost forced, like when she gets caught taking another cookie when she’s not supposed to.

She looks to her mom but her mother just tilts her head motions for her to keep listening. “I have come to ask for forgiveness.” Some people gasp in the congregation. The Father continues, “20 years ago, I gave in to the sins of desire for a woman. I was seduced by the way she looked, and I couldn’t stop myself.” His brows creasing as he places a hand on his chest.

Her dads eyes widen and then narrow, like he’s calculating. His thumb tapping against his thigh as he always does when he’s recalling something. Until it stops. “If we were back in the old days then I would gladly pluck out my eyes. I’ve found out recently that I have a son. A man that is now 22 years old named, Issac.” He extends his hand, and a man stands. Tall, light skin, brown hair and green, beady eyes. The same as his father.

“A fitting name, Issac Norton-Cortes,” her father grasps her mothers hand and they stare at each other. Wordlessly speaking as the Fatherspeaks solemnly. “Unfortunately, Issac’s mother has passed from unforeseen events. Her last wish was for Issac to be joining our church to help out so please… bare no ill will towards him. It is not his fault that his mother seduced me. He is innocent in his creation that was formed by sinful lust.”

The priest is still speaking as her mother taps her hand, and she looks confused before her mom says, “We are leaving. Now.”

Standing up and walking out as her father has a distant look, a thundering storm raging in his eyes. Being sent up to her room as she doesn’t understand why her mom and dad wanted to suddenly leave. Her dad loves going to church, makes an effort to always have Sunday off. Her dad was about to be celebrated or something like that. So she couldn’t understand why they’d want to leave. Why is her dad so… strange right now?

Tip toeing out of her room as she overhears her parents speaking softly, “-other is Elizabeth Norten. I knew her, Maria. She wasn’t seductive or would ever do something like that. She was just barely 18! Now I know why she suddenly forced to leave.”

“Jamie you can’t mean…”

“Look, she… Elizabeth was troubled, got into fights, did some smoking but she’d never... She would’t.” Her father sounds… upset and angry. “For years I wondered what happened. Her parents never told me.

“Sounds like you really knew her.” Her mother says softly. Her brows turned upward as she’s never seen her husband look so. So distraught before. “Was she your friend?” A tentative ask.

“She…” he sighs, “she helped me out a lot with my dad. Sure, she was a bad influence sometimes, but she stuck up for me whenever I came in with a new bruise from my old man.” She moves closer to get a better look over parents as they look sad. Her mother holding her father in a tight embrace.

Whispering words that she can’t hear as her mom rubs a hand on her dads back. “Her parents brought her to Father Abraham to see if he could help. She wasn’t the same after the first week that she’d have confessionals. She became more and more quiet. Wearing hoodies and always being covered.” His voice breaks.

The realization of it comes crashing down on him nearly 22 years later. “If I’d known… If I had just taken a closer look… I didn’t even reach out to her.” Tears forming in her fathers eyes and the man rarely cries. “How did I not think that it was suspicious?” He remembers how Elizabeth’s parents suddenly disowned her. A crushing guilt in his chest. Her mother says nothing but just holds him to her. “No one knew why… until now.” He glares hard at the floor.

From then on, they’d barely go back to that church. Making up a reason to be excused as the priest smiles assuredly. She was always around her mother since she wouldn’t let her little girl out of her sight. Getting tired of it like children do with overbearing parents. She decided that to sneak away to play with the other kids.

Playing soccer with the kids until she gets tired of it. Can only kick a ball so much before boredom creeps in. She spots the Churches garden and voice in her head to not go in but against her better thought she goes in. Her eyes widening as the garden looks well cared for. Different plants and even some trees. She grins as she crouches near one of the plots. Her hands digging into the soil.

“Hello there,” a voice calls out as she sits with her knees on the dirt, playing with the rolly pollys. The other kids laughing in the background, most likely still playing soccer. She tenses and moves to look at whose is speaking. Green eyes and a wide grin, something that supposed to be kind yet for her 10 year old mind… she doesn’t feel okay.

“All by your lonesome in the garden? Where’s your parents?” He looks around before he steps forward. “My names Issac and you are?”

“My mommy and daddy says I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.” She tells him shyly as she stands up. Her feet shuffle close.

The man grins and he holds out his hand, “That’s very smart. You’re a very smart girl, aren’t you?” He laughs like it’s the funniest thing in the world, “Well my name is Issac.” Grabbing her hand and shaking it. “No longer strangers, see? I bet your name is Eve. A pretty name for a pretty girl.”

Confusion evident on her face at the name, “My names not Ev-“

A voice cuts through the garden making both of them look towards the person speaking. “There you are! Where have you been I’ve been calling you for an hour.” Her mother spots her and rounds the corner faster as she spots Issac. The man grips her hand harder as she tugs back. Finally letting go when her mother places a hand on her shoulders. Her eyes narrowing as she holds her hand out for her little girl to hold onto.

“Gotta be more vigilant with your lil girl. Almost snatched her up,” he laughs but something in his eyes isn’t playful. Her mother pushes her behind her as she smiles far too sweetly. He continues speaking as he looks down at her and not her mother, “She’s a pretty thing too. She’ll make all the boys fawn over her especially at her age right now.”

The smile on her mothers face drops as she glares at him. “10 year old girls shouldn’t have to worry about boys. Stay away from my daughter.” Her tone tight as she moves her and her daughter along as he smiles wide.

As soon as they were closer to her father her mother told her to not speak to Issac again. That the man is up to no good especially since he’s talking to a 10 year old girl like that. Her mom can’t prove it but that man… that man is not a good man. She just knows it. Her mom has never been wrong about people before.

————————————————————

She groans awake. Her hands clenching and unclenching as her eyes blink. “Finally awake, my Eve?” She shivers with disgust at the nickname. Eve, it’s what he called her on the day they first met, and he’s been calling her that ever since. No matter how many times she tells him that’s not her name. Her head pounding as she tries to remember what happened. Her hand moving to massage her head, but she finds that she can’t move them. “Your head hurt, Eve? Sorry I was so rough with you.” The fake worry in his tone doesn’t go unnoticed by her as she glares. “Shouldn’t fight your husband next time.”

“We ain’t married, Issac.” Glaring at him hotly as she struggles in the binds. “You’re not my husband and I ain’t your damn wife!”

“Oh, silly me,” he laughs that stupid noise. All nasally and all teeth, “How presumptuous of me. We never did consummate on our wedding night.” Her glare hardens as she remembers all too well that night and the days before that lead up to it.

————————————————————

She’s been on her own for a couple weeks. Given up hope that her parents are alive. Both aren’t answering their phones and when she went to where her mom worked it was already overrun with dead children and screaming teachers. Her father was one of the first responders to downtown Houston…. They don’t call that place a Dead-zone for nothing now days. It’s a miracle she even made it this far with what little she has. She’s been seeing a group every now and then… maybe she could talk to them and ask to join?

“Holy shit,” her eyes widen as she recognizes the priest. Her parents never let her go back after that whole incident with Issac when she was 10. Apparently, that alone was enough for their parents to leave that church. But… beggars can’t be choosers especially since the Priest is opening up the church for everyone to go to. The priest immediately recognized her as “Jamie and Maria’s daughter.” He smiled with those beady eyes that she could hear her younger selfs thought of him being a snake.

It wasn’t so bad save for the son that kept trying to talk to her. 2 months have come and gone faster than many anticipated. The random cold days and hot days messing with peoples perception of what month but she’s betting it being near December. She had hoped that the son of the priest would’ve forgotten about her in the 2 months that she’s been here but no.

“He really, like really, likes being around you.” Angelica, a friend she’s made in the time that she’s been here. “You don’t think it’s strange?”

“I know it’s strange but s’not like I can mention it.” She sighs as she grabs her pack. “If you haven’t already noticed. His dad is becoming like the leader of this group.” An annoyance in her tone as she thinks on it. It wouldn’t be too bad if the priest wasn’t spouting his ideas to everyone. At first everyone had a voice but slowly but surely it’s like the woman are being treated less. Just a couple days ago and she was almost taken off a scavenging hunt due to her being a woman. Issac stepped in and that’s the only reason why she’s still on the team.

“Doesn’t even make sense that they wanted to take you off. You’re one of the best especially since they’ve been coming back with less and less people.” Angelica notes. It’s true though. Yesterday the Andrews brothers, Edward and Connor, died. Issac was leading that scavenging group. Eric and Alexi died four days ago also when Issac was leading them. 2 weeks prior a couple more died… Issac was also… leading at the time. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he’s killing them.” She snorts and elbows her friend for being so bold with her words.

“Don’t say that. It’s not like those men were helping out round town anyways. Edward was a drunk and tried to drink all the alcohol that we’ve been using for wounds.” Rolling her eyes but it does seem strange that people have been dying. “Besides… it was zombies that killed them.” Patting her pants as since Issac would always come back to tell the harrowing tale of the dead outside, “that’s bound to happen at this point.”

“I’m just saying.” Angelica raises her hands. Her eyes flickering as some of the men come around. A look of disgust on Angelica’s face and she laughs. She wishes she would’ve meet her in university. “Here comes the dicks.” Her arms crossed. She knows her friend’s just upset because she’s been on ‘cleaning duty’. Some old fart told her that it’s better for a woman to be doing a ‘womans job’.

She’s just glad that— “Eve!” Speak of the devil. Issac comes running up with a wide grin. All teeth in it as he eyes her up and down making her bite back a shiver.

“That ain’t my name.” Gritting through her teeth as politely as she can. He’s been insistent on calling her that. It was cute in the beginning but now it’s just downright annoying. “What’s going on?”

“You’ll always be my Eve.” He laughs, his hands on his hips. Leaning forward, “No, no, just wanted to tell you that they’re passing out some more rations.” Her eyebrows perk up and even Angelica looks shocked. Angelica’s lips purse as she stands closer.

“Thought we were running low?” He looks at Angelica, his fingers flexing a lil as his left foot shifts a bit.

“We are but,” he pauses as he looks back from the friend to her. “We found some deer a couple weeks ago and we’ve been getting it ready to share it. Isn’t that wonderful, Eve?” He steps closer getting more in her space.

“Couple weeks ago?” Angelica muses and is shoulders tense a bit. “You mean when you came back with nothing?” Her arms crossed as she ain’t buying it. Angelicas’ never liked Issac, been more vocal about him being a creep and honestly that’s what she loves about Angelica. She’s never been afraid to speak her mind. “Came back with nothing except some men dead save for your friends. Strange ain’t it?” He turns his head towards her, his green eyes staring at her as his hands flexes again.

“We found a deer but didn’t want to say anything incase it’s infected. As for the men that died, I told you. Zombies attacked us.”

“Was that before or after you found this miraculous deer?”

Her hand touches on Angelica’s shoulder as Issac and her are having a stand off. The atmosphere shifting and she swears she could hear a pin drop. “Angelica.” She says and then looks to Issac and her, “A deer was found that’s all that matters.” Her friend scoffs and backs away. Walking away to cool off..

“You should’t be friends with her, Eve.” Watching Angelica leave before he turns and faces her fully. “My dads gonna announce some things when the food is passed out in the church. I’ll save you a seat.” He doesn’t offer, he never offers and always expects her to sit next to him.

“I appreciate that but I’m already sitting with Angelica.”

His hand reaches up and puts a hair behind her ear. It takes everything in her to not shove his hand away. “A pity. You need better friends.” A grin spreads on his face and she takes a step back.

Later that night when the food from the deer was passed the priest announced that he will be taking more of a leadership role, “Just until a vote happens.” He smiles wide and some of the men and even the woman are happy about it. Angelica had her concerns about it but nothing could be done. A couple months go by and the ones that tried to be leader would either get sick or somehow die. Of course, her friend called it suspicious.

“Georgie was the last person to try for it and he went on a scavenging group and somehow died by a zombie attack.” She says hotly, she hasn’t let it go and has spoken about it again and again. “Georgie was built like a brick house and knew his way with a knife and you’re telling me that he somehow died but not Issac or Issac’s friends?” She scoffs and scrubs the dishes.

It has been suspicious. Especially with the way things have been turning within the group. More and more women are put in ‘womanly’ roles. The men have outright refused to wash or clean things. Mandatory church meetings whenever the priest feels ‘called’ to say something too. Even she’s been takin off the scavenging groups finally. The men even tried to take her fathers rifle from her.

Doesn’t help that people have been on edge, everyone thinks the rations might be bad or spoiled since a good amount have been getting sick. “I’m not saying you’re wrong, but you need to keep it down. Ange,” her friend walks off in a huff, “Ange, come on.” Her hand reaches out and grabs hers. “I trust you. You know I do. If you say it’s weird then I believe you.” Her voice softer as she looks at her friend.

“Look I think we sho—“ the sound of a bell ringing cuts her off. “Great.” Glaring in the direction of the church. “What has he been called to speak about now.” Normally the loud noises would attract the attention of the zombies but cars and some wooden fences have been used as walls. Along with patrols, their relatively safe. “Let’s get this over with.”

The people move closer to the church, the cold making people bundle up as much as possible. Texans aren’t built for the cold. More for heat and crazy hurricanes. Everyone thinks it’s somewhere near February. Maybe early April since sometimes it can still be cold. One of the reasons why everyone’s been snappy lately. Typically, animals should be coming back since Spring is slowly creeping up. “Yeah,” she murmurs in agreement, “Let’s hear what he has to say now and move along.”

The priest smiles at everyone coming in, not like anyone has a choice. His Bible prepped as he speaks on the pulpit. He drones on and on about sin and that the sinners outside the walls are trying to lead people astray, the sinners being the zombies and anyone not in town. Something she’s found weird. He keeps speaking and she looks around bored until he says something that makes her tense. “And as for the lovely woman of our town. God has put on my heart that it is now time for us to repopulate the earth. Even some of the man has said that they’ve felt God’s call to marry some of the woman here.”

Her blood runs cold as she can feel eyes on her. Angelica moves her hand to grip hers. “I would be more than happy to marry off people in our lovely town. I think it’s time for marriage and eventually… children.” The smile he gives doesn’t feel right. She doesn’t like the way he says children. Doesn’t like how she just knows Issac is staring at her. Hair standing up on the back of her neck.

Finally, the sermon ends and she leaves quickly with Angelica in tow. “We need to leave.” Angelica pulls her aside. “I don’t like this one bit. Not shittin on any Christian here but this feels more like a man-made call than God’s call.” And she can’t help but agree. They know they can’t just outright leave. They have no preserves and no way of knowing how bad it is out there since they aren’t allowed out anymore. None of the woman are.

Tensions rising in the town as the men have made proposals but the woman that have been proposed to would say no. The priest would mention how it isn’t right to go against God’s word but he understood by saying, “The ladies are just nervous about having such fine suitors.”

Things changed in the coming months, when Spring slowly started getting warmer. Summer on the horizon. People are still dying on the scavenging groups and people aren’t getting as sick from the rations. Unmarried women are no longer allowed anywhere without a chaperon because of ‘safety’ reasons. “Ladies aren’t as strong as our fellow men. The Lord has implored that we protect the weak and feebler bodies.”

Issac has been more and more insistent with being her chaperone even with Angelica always being around. He’s been hovering more around her, and she hates it especially when he keeps getting in her bubble. Someone tugs on her hand and then pulls her into a closet. “Hey!”

“Shh!” A hand presses to her and she relaxes as she recognized that Angelica is the one that grabbed her. “They’re kicking out some of the woman that has been saying no to getting married.”

“What?”

“Lily, you remember her? Button nose Lilly,” she nods and Angelica continues, “Sam’s been trying to marry her for weeks now. I just overheard Issac saying that he and the men are going to take her stuff and kick her out.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“Dead fucking serious.” Her stare hard as she leans against the wall. “We need to leave.”

“And go where?”

“Anywhere but here. I’ve told Tommy no 10 times already. If I’m going to get kicked out then I want to do it on my own terms.” Her hand reaches out and grabs hers. “Come with me. No more Issac. No more town. Just us.” Her thumbs rub on her hand. “We can leave this all behind us. Finally visit New York like you were telling me about.”

Thinking it over as she always does, careful and cautious, as she looks at Angelica. “Ange, I…”

“Look I.. I like you,” her eyes widen but Angelica still speaks, “and I don’t want to leave if you don’t. I’ll get kicked out anyways but Issac.” Her face sours. “I know he won’t let you leave. He’s been obsessed with you. I don’t like it. I don’t like how he stares at you.”

“You like me?”

“Is that all you got out of what I said?” Angelica frowns and then slowly smiles. Pulling her closer as she smiles. “Yes, dingus. I like you. Have for a while and I—“ the sound of a bell ringing again and she growls in frustration. Stepping back but a hand grabs Angelica and pulls her close to press a chaste kiss that makes her gasp.

“I like you to.”

“You Motherfucker.” A blush spreading and she glares lightheadedly. Holding her hand as they walk out the closet to listen to what the priest has to say. The sermons have been getting more and more strict. More far-right Christian ideals. The priest stands at the front of the church welcoming everyone in like he always does. His beady eyes stare at her and as she holds Angelica’s hand.

They sit at a back pew, whispering their plan as the priest talks. The men saying their amens as the woman, at least some of them are speaking. “It is with a heavy heart that I must say that Lily White will no longer be in our town.” Some gasps in the congregation as she holds tighter to Angelica’s hand. “From now on, a woman must marry if they are for their hand in marriage. The men have all been called to marry certain woman. To deny that is to deny God. We cannot allow sin and disobedience to be in our town.” They both look at each other and as soon as the sermon ends they nearly run out.

Green eyes watching as they rush out. Not stopping until they are in their shared room. “We need to leave, Ange.” Angelica nods and immediately starts packing their things.

[sweetestcersei]

A Journal of Ice and Fire #1: Origin Stories and Treading Old Ground with New Eyes

Hello! I'm jack aka sweetestcersei on tumblr dot com. This is my first journal entry reflecting on my A Song of Ice and Fire re-read project I started in June of this year. I didn't expect this first blog to be so emotional or personal, but I've already cooked the goose, haven't I? I've put the read more after the first paragraph out of respect for your scrolling experience, but I'd greatly appreciate anyone willing to engage in parasocial intimacy by reading my thoughts and feelings about our favorite dragon books as they apply to me and my life.

It was the summer after 8th grade on a beach trip I was forced to take (I was an “indoor boy” by my own admission at age 4). I was 14, and deeply, insecurely committed to my interests and the search of self the way only a 14 year old can be. The near audible roar of teenage testosterone, the icy condominium HVAC gales, the smell of the sea, the grossly greasy fried Gulf oysters -- the sensoriality that accompanied the introduction to a great love that has waxed and waned over the years, but never quite left me. This was a week with a biblically-sized tome that I finished before I could even realize it. This love, of course, was and is my obsession, hyperfixation, and study of George R. R. Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire.

I was certainly a bit young to read something so “adult”, even despite my gifted student reading habits, but I had 7 days to kill and 800 ½ inch-margined pages as my murder weapons. My mother offhandedly introduced me to A Game of Thrones after getting me a Kindle for graduating middle school, mentioning a fellow nerd she worked with (who in many ways served as a sort of otaku mentor when I was younger and slightly more impressionable) said he thought I’d enjoy the yet-to-be cultural phenomenon Game of Thrones on HBO. There was no HBO at my grandparents' condo, and my attention span hadn’t completely left me yet, so I settled for reading before watching the titillating tit show.

After an hour or so with Amazon support, we got the novel downloaded to my beloved OG Kindle. I went in expecting something like The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. If I’m being honest, it’s because the HBO marketing tie-in cover with Sean Bean on the Iron Throne looked like the kind of crunchy late-aughts RPGs of my childhood, with unsettlingly wooden dialogue and eldritch uncanny face animations. I was thankfully proven wrong. At the time, those first 200 pages felt like the first real literature I ever read, and were more animated than any video game I could have played at the time. I still think the series is deliciously pulpy pop art; not quite McDonald’s but not quite foie gras either. But at 14, freshly pubescent, in the closet, and directionless? It was a revelation.

I finished my re-read of AGoT back in September of this year. It was an emotional experience I wasn’t expecting to hit me the way it did. And not in the nostalgic 2012 Tumblr “oh the feels” kind of way. It struck me because I realized how much this series helped me process my identity and my youth, and how that fateful week I spent poring over the first novel changed my sense of self for years to come. Reading George’s work has been a balm for the hurts of a year that has been by turns joyous, tumultuous, invigorating, demoralizing and exhausting. It’s not lost on me that my first time reading this series as an adult coincided with the start of my Saturn return. The next three years of my life are about as do-or-die as things will get (before the inevitable resource and class wars thanks to…everything in this world). More on that later!

Much like the subject matter of this journal, I’m long overdue to start putting my thoughts down about this re-read. Nearly 14 years since my first and only full read of ASOIAF, and I’ve fallen back into Westeros harder than I did as a teen. A world and intellectual property that felt forever tainted after #that show’s ending -- or so I thought. Fiction can find its way back to you, I guess, and five years is a long time to process the ill-fated culmination of, arguably, your second fondest obsession.

Over and over, just re-reading the first entry of the series, I was forced to reckon with the way so many characters carried me through my very real, very silly teenage troubles. Daenerys’ dragon dreams and doubt-tinged inner monologue were a solace for my endless anxieties around who I was and wanted to be. Cersei’s theatrics, mania and glamour felt like something to armor myself in, a crude mirror for what I viewed myself as when I wasn’t quite sure if I was even a man. As a kid whose hair helped him express his muddy gender identity “...and hair grows back” went hard as fuck. Honestly, a lot of the” loss of hair as an arbiter of change” themes throughout the series still hangs over my head. 

I could list a majority of the POV characters’ names and draw a comparison to my own problems in some shape or form because of the way I drew power from them. My point in bringing any of this up in regard to myself is that it has brought a quote to the front of my mind ever since I cracked this long winded anti-war romp back open: “we need fantasy to survive because reality is too difficult.” While this Lady Gaga quote does feel especially prescient now more than ever, it was the essence of my love for this series, long before I could recognize it. I was the blood of the dragon, I was a lion (or lioness, depending on the day), I could be underhanded like Tyrion or fierce in my despair like Catelyn. But my world shaking events were trying to pass algebra, or coping with first loves and crushes that would never be reciprocated – not ending slavery or picking up the pieces of a broken kingdom. My flare for drama has not waned, thankfully, and it feels good to be a self-assured drag queen that knows my miniscule problems do and should feel the same as a magic dragon woman learning to rule a city.

Now, as an adult, I find myself understanding why these stories affected me so much as a teenager. I’m even finding greater inspiration as an adult, who has now known illness, grief, strife, love, lust, and myriad other “”””adult”””” experiences. There have been moments where bits and pieces would come back to me, especially during traumatic or trying life experiences.

In 2022, I was diagnosed with stage 2 Hodgkin’s lymphoma. I had a textbook prognosis, and was back to “myself” within a year of starting treatment. That being said, I don’t think I’ll ever fully get over the trauma of watching myself wither and change. But, I took some choices into my own hands, like forcing myself to shave my head before I could watch it all fall out (and hair grows back) or donning wigs and makeup to look “healthy”. The entire time I was getting my head shaved, I felt like Daenerys stepping into the fire, Cersei swallowing her pride, Arya being sent on her great trek north, Jaime escaping the dungeons of Riverrun born anew. It was impossible not to feel like I was doing my own walk of shame or vision quest in the Dothraki Sea, a husk of a person with hair falling out in clumps and darkness behind my eyes. This was probably the first time I remember finding strength in the stories of ASOIAF since adolescence. It’s hard to put myself back there, emotionally, but it’s a good kind of hard, because it helps to remember how and why I was able to survive it.

At this point, I’m rambling through a rolodex of bruises that never quite healed, but have been soothed through my obsessions, ASOIAF or otherwise. Who would have thought a grimdark fantasy series would evoke this kind of navel-gazing histrionics? Heartbreak feels good in a place like this, or whatever Nicole Kidman said. My intention in putting all this to ink is that I feel so strongly about this series and the power fantasy and fiction can hold over us. What I’m really trying to say, mostly to myself, is that I am so grateful to have healed whatever part of me that allowed me to escape myself and my problems. My next journals will likely take another form, more focused on my observations and shower thoughts around themes, parallels, and character work. Until then, I’m off to battle on the Blackwater Rush.

[doctor-badadvice]

Let's talk about Fast Forward for a bit.

Specifically I want to talk about the main theme of that season: why? Why did the art style deteriorate so much? Why did the writing get so bad? Why did this come out before season 5 but also supposedly happens after season 5 and at the same time only occasionally acknowledges its events? Why is there a kid now? Why am I watching this when I only really care about maybe three episodes at best?

Because I was bored. But let's go with order.

I'm going to say it now, I'm still going to claim there is no season 6 in Ba Sing Se. But at the same time, it isn't all that bad actually?

Here's the thing. FF was inevitable for many reasons. TMNT, with its aliens and magic, has the potential to go on forever. However, at some point "turtle fatigue" will set in. In the 80s, this happened around season 7 which yeah, it's about 150 episodes in. For the 2003 show it happens around season 5 but this doesn't mean the higher-ups will try stupid changes to bring back the old glory.

Moreover, the show brought it upon itself. The main culprits, so to speak, are the writing's insistence on portraying consequences as much as possible (see: Leo's scarred shell for instance), as well as season 4 with its funny gory shift (see: that one episode where Baxter watches his own body fall apart which wow).

So it isn't unexpected that the higher-ups and especially the toy maker went "Kids, could you lighten up a little?" and messed up everything that was good about the show.

So this is basically why I don’t like FF. Five seasons are a long commitment. You have to sit through the ninja tribunal arc which is boring as hell, then have to be really patient and accept that there are just dragons now for some reason. Then FF comes up and it has nothing of what you previously enjoyed. The style is different, too flat and kinda clunky and ugly in some spots, nothing that happened before matters and now Cody is there.

Remember networks, kids don't want to watch other kids go on adventures in their place and it doesn't get better with age. But you do you.

So I despised FF but after rewatching the season on its own, I have to make amends in some spots.

The general impression when you watch FF on its own, without the better stuff still fresh in mind and with something to do during the dull parts, is that of good background noise.

It takes many steps backwards. The turtles are suddenly less competent at fighting where it's convenient, their personalities are more one dimensional depending on the plot and they're kinda shitty to each other for no reason. They really suffer from that serial effect where the reset button is hit as soon as the credits roll. They used to go out to murder the Shredder knowing they might die and now it's "Today Mikey really wants a new video game and next episode we're going to a fancy party with the kid dressed in the dumbest suits ever and a silly happens :)"

Splinter also gets sidetracked a lot and he's more there to occasionally call the turtles whippersnappers but again, there isn't much of a reason for him to step in anymore.

And this brings me to the villains. I feel like the turtles only work as well as their villains. They work when they're getting into a fight with a local street gang, or trying to kick an alien empire out of the planet before everyone dies. They work when the Shredder actually does something meaningful and generally speaking are going against someone actually dangerous.

The first five seasons had Shredder, the Foot, Hun, the Triceratons and Bishop. FF has an annoying wrestler whose main priority is property damage, a gang of netrunners who I wish got up to more interesting things than scalping and quoting the Matrix, literal evil twins from the tv trope literal evil twins, and the idiots in charge.

The idiots in charge are of course beloved uncle Darius and Sh'Okanabo.

These two really are something. Darius is essentially that guy from the first Iron Man movie. He's the acting CEO because the owner is a literal child. He smiles and preaches big keeping up the facade of benevolent company of the shiny Earth utopia but he has a dark secret which is that he's making guns and a mecha suit for himself and Cody takes several episodes to realize this for some reason.

You'd think Darius would stop being a threat the moment his dark deeds are uncovered since his whole thing is "evil capitalist guy is evil". But no, he's gonna go higher, he's going to ally with Shittibobo because he needs new genetically modified minions he can badmouth while fucking around all day in his sewers loft and we don't even get the payoff of Darius realizing that he's being fucked over by an alien during the Day of Awakening.

Plus because of how afraid FF is to explore anything heavier than Mikey insisting they go out to achieve explosive diarrhea from questionable junk food, even the fact that Darius is an abusive father figure for Cody has no real importance because Cody is only allowed to look sad on screen for five seconds. Remove Darius and the overall season arc remains the same.

What about the other guy? Well, Sushibooboo is the supposed big bad of the season. He's an alien who wants to kill life on Earth to steal resources. He's something beloved President Bishop goes out of his way to personally murder. But the only thing he achieves is to confirm that he's just offensively stupid.

Sh'Okanabo is supposedly an alien boogeyman who's so evil he just can't be real, right? Unfortunately, he's the literal cause of his own demise.

Since the turtles are more than content with babysitting Cody and going around complaining about historical accuracies like that one Futurama episode, they don't know who Sh'Okanabo is and after talking to Bishop they don't care to find out. Great. This means he can operate in the dark, grow his eggs and prepare to kill everyone, right? No way. In pure Sasalele style, he goes out of his way to attack the turtles, tell them what he’s up to and scare them enough to start to actively prepare to fight him.

And on top of that he wastes time to build a time machine because somehow Shredder had to return for one episode which in turn almost fucks up his plan entirely since his ship almost explodes.

So I still don't like FF because of the way the writing plummeted. A lot of stuff happens because it's convenient and often falls back into exquisitely 90s/2000s tropes (see: the obviously evil guy gets away with evil deeds because the parents/cops/people with power are blind and children are stupid, that one car race episode which is a repeat of the previous car race episode from earlier in the show, a female character who's only there to be a love interest and is allowed to be smart and cute because Cody likes them smart and cute, just to name a few). The turtles get dumber depending on the episode and there are some attempts at comedy like Starlee's shitty family that give out levels of second hand embarrassment not seen since Star Trek TNG.

But I don't hate this season entirely either. FF is just very mid and it makes me think that it could have worked as a standalone show for a while because you can watch it more or less. I'm just this isn't what we got in place of the actual show because it wouldn’t have lasted.

Still I did enjoy some things:

Torbin Zixx is fun. He has some interesting tricks, even though 60% of them only work because the turtles are written especially stupid in his episodes. Plus he steals Bishop's space shuttle which is glorious

I ended up liking Sterling a little towards the end. I still feel like his humor is a sanitized version of Baxter's but I like that he collects clips of the turtles getting hurt to watch to calm down and that he's actually always ready to throw hands

President Bishop is so stupid, yet brilliant (and I'm going to talk about him in a separate post because the worldbuilding is really something and I have OPINIONS)

Raph commenting that power armors are so last season while fighting Darius made me chuckle even though I won't tolerate this supersuit slander

This moment:

[fregata-magnificens]

I recently finished Dragon Age: The Veilguard, and, after digesting a little, want to share some of my (disorganized) thoughts.

I'm coming to Veilguard as a casual Dragon Age fan: someone who's played and enjoyed all of the previous DA installments, but who's also not super invested in what's going on outside of the story that's explicitly told in the games themselves. What follows is from that perspective.

Mild spoilers ahead.

Here's what I liked:

The visuals. The art design as a whole was bright, appealing, and cohesive. Each character was visually distinctive. I really enjoyed the change from the more "photorealistic" palette and animation of Inquisition to something more vivid, and almost cartoony.

The level design. I appreciated the more linear nature of each environment, especially after playing so many huge and desolate-feeling open world games. Even though exploration was limited, there were still plenty of nooks and crannies to poke around in.

The voice acting and dialogue. The talent for most of the main cast and much of the supporting characters felt like a step up from previous Dragon Age games. Conversations (for the most part) felt more natural, and dialogue that sounded stilted or (inappropriately) hammy was few and far between. I chose the British Male voice for my Rook, and he was nice to listen to for my whole playthrough.

The character creator, and the ability to tweak your Rook's appearance right out of the gate. When my Rook ended up with cheeks that were way too puffy, I was able to go right back and fix his face without losing my progress or spending any resources.

Assan and Manfred!

What I disliked:

The slow start. Right off the bat, the stakes are so comically high that I had trouble really buying in. Plus, the game is never really clear on why Rook is there, or qualified to lead a team of experts. Yes, I know that all that information is explained or implied in your character background, but I feel like such an important piece of the story shouldn't be buried in the character creator. I didn't feel invested in my Rook's story, which at times led to me becoming disengaged from the narrative as a whole.

Character interactions. "Eavesdropping" on my party was cute, but I otherwise found the relationships between the characters kind of flat. There was definitely potential that wasn't realized. I felt a lot like the characters were written separately, like the writers didn't actually get to talk outside of a few meetings during production.

Grinding. Sure, there was limited level grinding, as most story-relevant enemies scaled to your Rook's level, but completing small quests and selling items for favor with your allied factions felt like a chore.

The handling of nonbinary identity (mostly). Queerness in the Dragon Age universe is mostly unremarkable: even outside of Rook's ability to date any of their party members, the game references multiple queer relationships, and at least one minor they/them character. So why, in 2024, did the writers feel the need to explain nonbinary identity as if the audience had never heard of it before? Nearly every time the word came up, I felt like I was in a Very Special Episode of a children's TV show.

Dragon fights. For being the game's title monster, dragons were boring enemies. Once you fought one of them, you've fought all of them.

Lucanis's romance arc. I wasn't initially sure which character I wanted my Rook to date, so I went through the trouble of having each of them ask him out one by one. In the end it came down to a choice between Lucanis and Emmrich, because that's what I felt like he'd be most into. I weighed my options and chose what I thought would be a more robust and interesting romance; Lucanis seemed like he was custom-designed for Bioware fans. But his romance arc consisted of maybe a few extra lines of dialogue and one sex scene. It was so disappointing that shortly after I finished the game, I loaded an old save so my Rook could romance Emmrich instead; I'm finding it to be way more satisfying already.

Other random thoughts:

I want a scented candle that smells like the Rivain coast environment: warm sandstone, ocean air, and pine.

I wish there were more reason to hang out in the Crossroads; it was visually one of my favorite environments.

It would have been so cool if each type of combo detonation looked different.

[zeico]

Post Veilguard Thoughts

I've been trying to figure out my thoughts and feelings on Veilguard over the past few days.

I know I did food metaphor for it before but this is a way to explain it as a longtime fan.

Like going to a restaurant that looks kinda jank in its decor, or its in like in a random plaza but the FOOD there is good shit so you can forgive the janky decor but also it gives it charm bc feels just a little more authentic that way. Thats my memory of the old dragon ages.

Veilguard is more like a chain restaurant. Example would be like Red Lobster, food is okay. I gorge myself on the biscuits bc im weak to those. But it still has the veneer of a chain realm that you can't escape.

Gonna try to break down my thoughts on each layer of this lasagna.

Gameplay

The gameplay is honestly good.

Its engaging. I like the different ways you can build a rook. I did a duelist rogue I never parried once but still blazed my way through. The fact you can do more of a bow heavy or trap heavy rogue is very cool to me. I do look forward to playing again as a mage to see how that is. I don't really play many AAA games so the overall destiny/mass effect fusion of combat wasn't like stale to me.

I liked the different ways you can really build into something with the different gear you get. I went FULL necrotic weapons and just stacked everything that gave a bonus to necrotic damage and I was mowing through enemies.

It was a pain for me trying to mess with the settings bc I had a lot of performance issues and my motion sickness got in the way. Like I would have enemies pop in when I've been running laps around the arena. I should tinker with it a bit more next time around I know but a lot of the time trying to turn things down for performance made it worse.

The WORST of it was the game having some enemies be basically invulnerable because a dialogue commenting on the enemies' presence didn't trigger BECAUSE THEY WERENT THERE YET.

Also trying to quit and reset the game when these issues occur had the risk of me coming back fucking bald and without my tattoos or makeup.....

I curse Fen'harel. I curse Solas. How dare you do this to me.

This is the best gameplay a Dragon Age has had tho.

Story

Main Story is serviceable. Because I AM a long time fan and have played the earlier games, I cannot separate myself from those memories to think of the perspective of a newcomer to the series. I know where the fangs should be. I see where edges have been sanded down and I will oft fixate on that. (In this way, I understand Solas)

The game doesn't really let you be truly evil or callous to your party. Sure I wouldn't pick the evil option because I want to be nice to my video game friends but to HAVE THE OPTION makes the choice to be nice to them feel like more of a choice.

Like in dragon age 2, like half of your party could just fuck off or you could fuck them over. You had the option to sell Fenris back into slavery. Isabela could just fuck off with the precious artifact because shes a fucking pirate, so seeing her COME BACK because of her friendship with my Hawke had extra meaning to me like my efforts to befriend her meant something.

You fight the evil Bad Guys.

Your Rook will p much always be The Hero.

Where my memories and history interfere with the story is how I remember that decisions and choices you made in past games were more of a mixed bag. You weren't as unambiguously Good.

When I tried to meet the game halfway and be like 'yea sure my Rook WILL be a good guy hero about it' it wasn't as grating. But I still had to like mentally buy in like that.

It needed a lot more time to actually write and put in those other options imho. In this way I call it an underbaked lasagna.

Dialogue itself felt a bit flat in a lot of the time too.

I feel the game was really trying to appeal to a new audience and doesn't want to offend them. And it is worse for it.

Characters

The characters I feel are also victim of underwriting. Or having to be pulled in a lot of directions and not wanting to offend again.

There were a lot of distracting biscuits in the characters tho. And I ate them all up.

I will protect the skeleton with my life.

I only feel the characters are weak and awkward at points again because of my old memories.

Like a character is working through figuring out their gender and the language they use is VERY MODERN. Same for if you make Rook trans or non-binary (i did a non-binary elf). I love that the option is there I just wish the language around it was more rooted in Thedas and not earth.

There's great moments and banters with the characters and they all endeared themselves to me.

Some of their personal quests don't entirely mesh well to me, makes me think there were many rewrites.

Theres a lot of ways I can think about to like really give the characters more spice and flesh themselves out but I didn't get that in game.

The more I think about certain questlines the more angry I get about them. I hate thats the feeling I walk away with.

World / Factions

Also the reason I'm mad about the world is because I know where we came from. It's been hyped that Tevinter is like an Evil Mage Empire that will kidnap elves into slavery.

Why could I freely walk around as an Elf and not hear a single utterance of 'Knife-Ear'

Minrathous/Dock Town an instance of I can only see what was sanded down. Sure the things I've heard before was a lot of propaganda from rival countries but... idk another defanging.

I feel Tevinter/ITS CAPITAL OF MINRATHOUS should have had a lot more development because we p much only get the poor area. At least give a proper High Town?

But all the environments were distinctive and factions did have their own flavor.

And the factions each had their own biscuits I ate up.

If Veilguard is someone's introduction to Dragon Age I really want to hear about their perspective on the world.

I wish you were able to actually play through the little backstory they give you (like in origins) so when you meet up with them again its actually a reunion and you KNOW the choice you make rather than just some lines about it.

Another instance of underbaking the game.

Conclusion

I had a fun time with Veilguard. If you don't want to think TOO hard and have a fun romp with Dragon Age characters its enjoyable.

A lot of my issues with the game is how sanded down itself from past games in order to not offend newcomers.

like 7/10 its okay its serviceable its very pretty and fun playing just really dont think too hard (or throw yourself into fanfiction)

[kuumara]

Erica.

Will. Erica and Will. Why Erica? Mike wonders. Erica and Will have barely interacted before. And now it's like Erica is- dare I say- replacing Mike.

They're drawing. Or, Will is drawing. Erica is doodling, if you can even call that a doodle. Mike draws way better than Erica, Will should be drawing with him.

They're drawing horses. Ponies. He doubts Will even likes horses, he's more of a dragon type of guy, he likes drawing dragons. He likes drawing dragons for Mike. That thought makes Mike feel better. But gets distracted by Will's laugh; he's laughing at something Erica said. Genuinely laughing. Mike's irritated again.

Erica keeps on joking, and Will is laughing more and more. Erica is, like, eight, Will should be hanging out with people his age. He should be hanging out with Mike. Well, he does, but right now he should be. Not with goddamn Erica.

"Mike, watch your posture." Karen passes by. "And stop lurking."

Mike grunts, offended. He's not lurking. He's just observing Will and Erica, from a distance. From the top of the stairs, peeking his head through the railing and craning his neck to see into the living room.

Karen comes back to scold him a little more for not sitting straight, then leaves. Mike goes back to lurking. Lucas comes from the basement, where him and Dustin are teaching Holly how to play D&D. Mike and Will were supposed to be there too, and Erica, but Lucas and Dustin were the most enthusiastic about learning Holly about the game, so they all had nothing to do and went upstairs. When Mike got enough of Erica's sarcasm, he went upstairs to get books but rather stayed on the stairs. He doesn't want to start fighting with an eight year old.

Lucas sees Mike on the stairs, lurking.

"Will, Erica, Mike wants to play with you!" He casually yells to the living room. Doesn't even care about his best friend's well-being. Lucas smiles at him, thinking he did a good thing. He didn't, and Mike wants to say something to him or flip him off or something, but Will's voice interrupts him. Every time he speaks it's like the power goes out in his head.

"Oh, Mike, you're there. Come here already," Mike obeys and slowly picks up his book he was intending on reading and walks towards Will's voice.

"Lurker," Erica says as soon as she sees him.

"Yeah." He says back, since he doesn't know what else to say. He's tired of arguing with her. Erica laughs. Not at him, but in a she thinks he's funny way.

Lucas comes back from getting snacks in the kitchen. "You kids be nice to Mikey, alright? He's shy a lit-" Mike throws a pillow at his face, and Erica laughs some more.

He gasps, and continues in a fake whiny voice. "Alright, then. Erica, you may take my spot in the party, I'm leaving-" Another pillow gets thrown at him. By Will. Then another one by Erica, and Lucas runs away to the basement with a full bowl of candy, dropping some bags on the way. Those are shared between Erica, Will and Mike.

"Good hunt today, then," Will says.

"Yep. If we'll get candy like this every time Mike is with us, we might even keep you," Erica adds. Even though she's joking, he figures it's better than having her constantly mock him. At least he can ensure she doesn't get Will to hang out with her more than him. Insider working, some might say.

"Mike, has Erica told you what Lucas has under his bed yet?"

--

thois was intened to be longer and better or smth bc i had sm ideas earlier but i got to the middle and i forgot all of it

anyway inspired by @foodiewithdahoodie post i cant fucking link stuff. it was a post about erica plus byler being menaces and i agree

[animeboye]

Remembering Akira Toriyama

On March 1st, 2024, legendary mangaka Akira Toriyama passed away due to acute subdural hematoma. He was just sixty-eight years old. His most famous creation, Dragon Ball, has had a profound effect on the anime and manga industry as a whole. Without it, we wouldn't have had series such as Yu Yu Hakusho, Naruto, One Piece, or many others. On top of how inspirational as a series Dragon Ball has been, it's shaped the childhoods of many kids all over the world, me being one such kid.

Toriyama is one of the few famous deaths that has actually brought me to tears, the only others being Satoshi Kon and Satoru Iwata. Losing Toriyama, for me, was such a sudden and devastating revelation and if I had never gotten into Dragon Ball Z when I was a kid, I don't know if I ever would have become an artist or writer. While I have had many inspirations for becoming an artist/writer, such as Yoshihiro Togashi, creator of Yu Yu Hakusho and Hunter X Hunter, Masashi Kishimoto, creator of Naruto, and Eiichiro Oda, creator of One Piece, it was Toriyama and Dragon Ball which really helped to show me the path I wanted my life to go on. While writing Dragon's World, I've gotten comments from readers who've told me that there were moments where they were reminded of Dragon Ball and with Dragon Ball being one of, if not my biggest inspiration for becoming both a writer and an artist, those comments, to me, are not just some of my favorites that I've ever received, I find them to be some of the highest praise I've gotten.

Alongside Dragon Ball, Toriyama's other works such as Sand Land, which has both a game and an anime series coming out, and Dr. Slump show just how funny and imaginative Toriyama was. His paneling was always so clean and any action scenes were always easy to read and his characters, while not always the deepest, were always full of life and made the series they starred in so much fun to read.

Like many other kids who grew up on DBZ, I also tried on so many occasions to do a Kamehameha or go Super Saiyan. I remember when I saw the episode where Gohan was teaching Videl how to fly and she was focusing her energy into her palms, I tried to do the same, thinking it would help me to fly, too. When a new VHS (yes, we are going back that far) and later, DVD of DBZ would be released, I would beg my grandma or my mom to buy it for me. The same way true for when new Dragon Ball Z action figures would come out. I had to have them all, and I think I actually did have most of them. Then, at fifteen, I sold them because I thought, "I'm going into high school. I need to be a big boy and big boys don't have toys". Heh. Funny how well that thought process aged. Especially since now, I'm trying to find those same figures from my childhood so I can buy them again.

I would often recreate the fights and adventures Goku and his friends went on with these figures I bought, and sometimes, I would make up my own stories. One that I can always immediately recall was Goku and the gang fighting a group that used a seal similar to The Seal of Orichalcos from Yu-Gi-Oh! (also, RIP to Takahashi-senpai) and just like the Seal of Orichalcos, whoever lost that fight would lose their soul, too. Granted, the stories I came up with back then weren't good (I mean, they came from the mind of a little kid, so please be a bit gentle on me), but when you're an Elementary schooler/early middle schooler, they feel like something incredible. It's like you're getting to contribute to this world you've come to know and love and yet, you're the only one who truly knows about said contribution. In a way, it's a really special feeling.

Call me a weeb if you want for saying this, but to me, Toriyama wasn't just another creator. He wasn't just another storyteller. He was my sensei. He was my biggest inspiration and the person who got me to realize where I wanted my life to go. That I wanted to be a writer and an artist. That I had stories I wanted to share with others. Toriyama was someone I always wanted to meet and, I guess now I'll have to wait until I get to Other World myself to get that chance.

Thank you for everything, Akira Toriyama. Thank you for showing me who I was meant to be. Thank you for Dragon Ball and for allowing it to be such a staple of my childhood. I'll be hoping your family is doing well and are remaining strong in these times. May you rest in peace.

[clownnotes-png]

“Don’t Notice, Here’s Dango”

<33 . In which Suna slips at practice after facing an accidental injury

Cw/Tw :: Hand injury. Minor swearing. (Someone swears like once?)

It had been a rough day, that was more than an understatement but currently Suna’s brain was absolutely spinning in fog and fatigue so he did not care how vague he was being. Who could expect a poor 2 year old to be detailed!! No, no he was not 2, he could not be young right now.

In a silent protest Suna curled himself up in his chair - Algebra can wait right now he had to age up before the bell struck and sent him to practice. Even if Suna did miss something important he could always steal notes from one of the Miya’s notebooks at lunch tomorrow.

He typically stole notes from the both of them anyways, the teacher had begun to get used to him falling asleep and allowed it once she figured out how it was his medication causing him extreme fatigue later in the day. He got good grades so why did she need to bother with keeping him awake?

The twins never cared when Suna sat next to one of them and grabbed their math notebook and took down notes while sipping or whatever boxed drink he bought from the vending machines that day and chewed on an apple - both safe choices to not mess up his nor their notebook. It was their little lunch tradition in a way.

Class passed in a blur and soon enough Suna was sitting on the court stretching and trying to keep himself above the cotton-like pull that wanted to overtake him. While Suna spent the entire period trying to age himself up he was unsuccessful in his attempts and now was left teetering between spaces.

“Sunarin!” Osamu plopped himself down next to Suna and began to stretch, “so are you alright? I saw you with your head down in math but it didn’t seem like your normal tiredness?”

With a small hum, Suna finished his stretches and looked over at Osamu. The same Osamu who’s stuck by him through thick and thin, kept him sane when he broke down, kept him safe when he felt tiny. “Just feel fuzzy in the head.” The one who helped him code word his regression.

They both sat on the floor now, Osamu continuing to stretch while Suna leaned against the wall, fixing his mind of random movements. “Well, you know no one on the team minds if you slip. Kita adores you to pieces and Akagi always keeps a stuffed animal or two in his duffel for safety precautions.”

Suna huffed out a small laugh, “you know how I don’t want to burden anyone.” Osamu flicked the ravens knee as he went down to finish off his calf stretches.

Mid practice, it always happened in the midst of something. Suna had leapt up to block the ball from Atsumu who was on the opposite team. The ball was whizzing towards him, going far faster than normal - Atsumu forgot to hold back his strength a little like he always did in practice games.

The ball collided quickly with Sunas hand, pulling back his fingers and bending them too far for how the bone should be. Pain fills his nervous system causing Suna to crumble on the ground in choked back tears; his mind sinking and filling with cotton.

“Shit, Suna darling look up at me please.” Osamu is crouched in front of Suna, lightly tugging the boy onto his lap and whispering small comforts. “Suna love I can’t help if you don’t show me what’s happening.”

Footsteps are heard as Kita rounds behind Osamu and kneels down, “Hey Rin-Rin baby, why don’t I look at your hand while ‘Samu plays with you? Doesn’t that sound fun!” Suna slowly looks up and nods, his un-injured hand pushed up to his mouth with a few fingers in-between his teeth.

In a swift movement of practiced precision Osamu lifts up Suna and slowly carries him to the bench. “Rin look at this! Akagi brought Dango!” At the mention of the beloved dragon plush Suna looked up and searched for the aforementioned item. “He’s above you sweetheart.”

Suna glanced up, unbeknownst that while Osamu was holding the plush above his head this was also a move to get him distracted enough that he didn’t notice Kita softly taking his hand and turning it to examine what had happened.

The rest of the team practiced quietly off the side, occasionally glancing over. Although Suna had only regressed at practice a couple times it had been enough to learn he only appreciated 3 people around him max when small.

“Sugar, did you know thatt-” Osamu tilted his tone up playfully at the end of his phrase before pausing slightly to gain Sunas interest, “Dango is a tickle dragon!” In a swift movement Osamu brought Dango the dragon down and had the muzzle pepper ticklish kisses across Suna’s face.

With Dango so close to Suna's face he reached out and quickly latched onto the plush, "Da'ngo!" A grin was plastered across his face at the soft feeling in his palms, "Aka, thanks you!" The 's' in thanks was drawn out as Suna spoke making it clear how small the boy was slipping.

Akagi muffled a laugh behind a cough and ruffled Suna's hair, "of course lovebug! I know how much you adore Dango." As Suna's attention drifted back to the dragon Akagi tore his focus over to Kita who was beginning to finish up by bandaging Suna's finger after make-shifting a splint with what they had.

Luckily for the three Suna had not paid much-if any- mind to Kita working on his hand; none of them were quiet sure what they would of done if the boy had broken down in tears whilst Kita worked. "Done?" Suna glanced over at Kita as he felt the elder move his hand back on to his lap, at the question Kita gave a nod and poked Suna's nose quietly mumbling out a 'boop' as Suna scrunched his face up. "Can we p'ay now?"

Kita hummed and faked pondering the question before smiling down at Suna. "Sure I don't see why we can't, what do you wanna play sugar?"