#it was the most serene and beautiful thing during an incredibly stressful moment

[zprite-x]

I need people to understand when I talk about “stormy purple” I’m not talking about a muted purple

Im talking about the purple that flashes in the sky during an odd storm

[simping-on-the-daily]

Always love this

Sccarlet SFW Alphabet

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Sccarlet's affection is pretty subtle! A lot of the time, she enjoys touching you, particularly with hand holding. Baby likes to be around you.

She always unexpectedly has the things you need. Need armor? Pulls out full Netherite that totally didn't take her hours to grind. Need a potion? Boom. While she doesn't think it's gift-giving, it's exactly what it is.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Scarrlet is a very loyal best friend! Very shy, though. You probably approached first! Or you were in a bad mood and she came up to ask what's wrong.

As a result of being her friend, you hang around Techno and Philza a lot. If you're not a government despising anarchist, the Ghast finds you a breath of fresh air. If you are, expect her to join in your less chaotic antics.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Really likes cuddling a lot! To her, it's both comforting and relaxing. Can and will play with your hair, and will turn into a flustered mess when you mess with hers.

A lot of calming positions! She's also really fond of spooning.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

The domestic life is something Sccarlet enjoys in other people, but doesn't do it herself. In terms of cleaning, she's pretty good. Not a fan of messes and she can be fast when she wants to.

In terms of food, she's pretty good at cooking Hoglins. Anything that isn't meat? Sorry, but she's not your gal. Potions, on the other hand-

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Tries to do it as gently as possible. She keeps stammering on her words and looks down when she finally lets it out. She'll quietly ask if you want to be friends instead, and if you say no, she'll leave quickly. Truly, I don't think she'd ever fall out of love. It would probably be due to wanting to keep you safe from the war. When she leaves, she'll greatly miss you, but will try to convince herself that it was for the best.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Commitment? Hell yeah. Sccarlet is a loyal hybrid who will go to the end of the world for those she gives a giant shit about, and you're one of those people.

Marriage, however? She's a bit iffy on that. She'll probably pop the question after a year or two, probably on a date or during an initiate moment. If you do like weddings, that's cool! Sccarlet will respect your wishes.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Do you even need to ask? Even to strangers, Sccarlet is gentle. That's her as a person. Psychically or emotionally, she's soft. Honestly, the girl is anything but a tease.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

A sucker for reunion hugs! She's fond of the cliché 'running up to you and embracing one another' hug generally seen in media; she finds it really cute!

Also buries her face into your neck. When she does it, you'll be able to hear happy Ghast noises which is ironic since they're always crying

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Sccarlet unintentionally tends to use other words then love, most commonly 'I adore you'. Her first ILY would be really tender, in a calming serene moment, as she murmurs it out peacefully.

Love. This. Girl

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Sccarlet doesn't get jealous that often! She trusts you enough to still love her in the end, and besides, she tries to get on good terms with a lot of people. She has enough faith in you, but there's always that one guy to piss her off.

When it happens, very clingy. She tends to pout at the dude, but otherwise stays silent. If the guy ever crosses boundaries, Sccarlet will release the natural Nether instincts and release Hell on the dude. Of course, she's spitting apologies right after.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Fond of quick little pecks on the cheek! She really enjoys scar kisses, and when you kiss hers, she'll be over the moon.

Rarely initiates make-out sessions. If you wanna do that, you're gonna have to take the lead.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Honestly, not great. She's just not great with kids. Teenagers? Yeah. Actual children? Hell no. She gets stressed easily, and with how loud and disobedient kids can be, it's a living Hell.

While she'd want kids of her own alongside you, she'd wait until the SMP is more peaceful.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Early bird. Sccarlet just naturally gets up early. She'll probably get some tea, make some quick breakfast before doing a relaxing activity. Probably fishing or farming.

Whenever she needs to leave for supplies or for meetings, she'll leave a small little note on the bedside table. She's always quick to come back, though

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Like every other time with Sccarlet, relaxing! More fishing and farming, most likely a book or two in her hand before heading off to bed. She falls asleep incredibly quickly, so if she gets comfy in the couch, gently wake her up before she falls asleep.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Sometime after your first kiss, she'll tell you her real name. Her true identity of Sirese is only told to those she trusts, so good for me! While it's a 'I trust you, here's a secret' move, she gets really suspicious when you say it suspiciously. Be it if you're dying or pissed, she doesn't like it. She'd prefer her name coming out sweet, thank you very much.

To some extent, Sccarlet's open about her grief. Don't be surprised when she clings to you sobbing out WIlbur, L'manburg or another traumatizing incident.

She doesn't spill anything on you. She's more of a 'ask me whatever whenever and I'll tell you' kind of open.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Scarrlet is rarely angry! She's a very patient person. However, her Nether instincts and the voices in her head are more prone to anger, and when they form into a more darker and aggressive side of her rather then just some annoying voices, she finds herself getting way more irritable due to stress and just how loud they are.

Her anger is rather easy to fade, though. Just whisper some calming words and hold her, and soon enough, the anger will evaporate.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing or do they kind of forget everything?)

Sccarlet's def the type to keep a small enchanted notebook of your likes! She writes down anything she thinks is useful and important to you, even on a minor scale. Sccarlet doesn't want to forget anything in case it ends up important and leads to disappointment from you.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

A calm moment. It doesn't matter what it is. But during those rare moments when war isn't lingering over her heads, where she can forget the bodies and the pain a Totem of Undying causes with you? Those are something she'll never forget. You're a presence that makes her calm. You could've just been fishing together without any significance to you, but to her? That serenity was beautiful and she wishes she could have more of it.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Very protective. She lost the person who was basically a brother to her, saw the country she worked so hard to keep destroyed numerous times, the constant betrayal and the grief forming into one loud voice instead of numerous tiny voices? You bet her ass she won't lose you.

When she gets involved in wars, she'll do whatever it takes to keep you out of them. If you ever do and get injured, you've never going on the battlefield again. She's lost so much, she is not losing you.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

She lets you collect her Ghast tears for potions! With dates, she'll try her best to make them relaxing for the both of you, mostly libraries, picnics and the one cat café in the country.

Like said before, she'll write down any important anniversary or date in her notebook!

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Out of nowhere, Sccarlet just cries. She doesn't even know that there's still leftover tears until you're both cleaning and there's a giant clunk of tear shaped shiny things on the floor.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Depends! While she doesn't really care about her looks, her facial scars are always an insecurity of hers, since they remind her of the Manburg VS Pogtopia war, which is how they were gained.

Clothes, however? Girl pays attention to what she's wearing and she wants to look good.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Umm,,,,, yessss,,,,,,?

You're the one person who makes Sccarlet feel completely safe. Without you, she'd have no idea on what to do. You're her safe haven, and she'd be damned to lose it.

If you get corrupted by the Egg, mark her words that she'll find a way to bring you back. Her hatred will grow to that overgrown red manipulator and becomes even more pro-omelette.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

When she gets frightened (most notably a skeleton), she'll quickly jump into your arms. She has no idea she did until a few seconds later as she embarrassedly tries to get out of your grip.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

If you eat chewing gum, go to a place where she can't hear it. Sccarlet despises the sound of chewing gum, and if you leave it around without the packaging, you'll have the rare sight of an angry Sccarlet.

Z = Zzz (What is are some sleep habits of theirs?)

Blanket stealing. And once again, instinctive crying. While she likes being close, you'll need to be a bit apart since you'll wake up with a tiny mountain of Ghast tears and your blanket gone if you share one.

While it may sound a bit weird, she prefers having two separate beds close to each other. She likes her own pillows and covers.

[ruewrites]

We’re Blooming Together Chapter 12: Epilogue

AO3

Ships: Solomon/Asmo (and a litte Diavolo/Lucifer)

Word Count: 4633

Warnings: None

Chapter 1-Chapter 2-Chapter 3-Chapter 4-Chapter 5-Chapter 6-Chapter 7-Chapter 8-Chapter 9-Chapter 10-Chapter 11-Chapter 12

Asmo stood on the balcony listening to the soft crash of the ocean in the distance. He leaned against the railing, wine in hand and ring glinting in the moonlight. Everything was so perfect,so peaceful, so serene. Not even the birds dared to break the silence. He’d need to send out thank you notes. Everyone had put so much thought into their gifts for them, and the notes from his brothers had brought tears to his eyes. But he could focus on that later once he got home. For now he would relish in this moment. 

Arms curled around his middle and lips slowly made their way from the base of his neck up to his jaw line. “Are you going to stay on the balcony all night?”

Asmo chuckled, feeling Solomon’s grip on him tighten slightly. “It’s nice out, and I’m not going to get a view like this back home.” A shudder ran through him as Solomon’s lips started traveling back to his neck. Ever so slightly, he tugged down the collar of Asmo’s robe to reveal a dark purple spot on the junction of his neck and shoulder.  Asmo could still feel every wonderful movement that led to his hickey. How his fingers had twitched above his head, Solomon’s hot breath against his skin, the fluid motion of his hips. It made Asmo shudder in the best of ways. 

“It looks better with you out here,” he murmured against soft skin, “You make any place a miraculous view.” Asmo had to put his wine down as Solomon went straight back up to his lips. Asmo’s arms tangled around his neck as Solomon dipped him slightly. 

How did he get here?

Solomon pulled back ever so slightly. He was still so close. Asmo could practically feel his smirk against him. “My beautiful husband,” he murmured softly. It made Asmo blush, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away.

“Who I promise to love, adore, and cherish for all of my life,” he murmured in between kisses that travelled from his lips  down to his shoulder, and back up again, “Who’s laugh brings joy to my very core, who takes my breath away whenever he walks into the room. I promise to fuel his passions, be the flint to the sparkle in his eyes, and to wipe away tears whenever they fall.”

Solomon’s fingers brushed against his cheek gently, as tears rolled from his eyes. “If you keep reciting your wonderful vows to me, I will start crying again,” he smiled, bringing Solomon down to him once more. They had always been a touchy couple. One of his brothers threatened to sit in between them at the reception. Asmo couldn’t remember which one, he’d been too busy mooning over his husband. He did know that Lucifer had stopped the two of them from disappearing from their own wedding multiple times. Only for Diavolo to ask him if it was such a crime for the newlyweds to want to be alone together, he himself should have been familiar with the feeling. After all, they had years to make up for. Years in which they hadn’t been together. Years in which they had made excuses. Years in which they were too scared to say a thing. 

They had to make up for it, there was no other option.

Asmo felt his feet leave the ground and he let out a yelp. Solomon had quite literally  swept him off of his feet and was carrying him through the double doors of the balcony and into their room. “Nooooo, my wiiiine,” Asmo whined, reaching out for his glass that was still on the balcony. 

“I’ll grab it for you love, but I do believe that I’m a little more deserving of your attention.”

“Well it’s a good night for wine.”

“It’s also a good night to spoil a husband.”

Solomon carefully let go of Asmo’s legs, letting him sit on the bed before going back out to get the forgotten glass. It really was a nice honeymoon suite. When they’d first arrived there were towels folded into the shape of swans on the bed surrounded by rose petals, balloons had been tied to their bedpost, and their tub had been surrounded by candles. To top it all off, they had a lovely view of the perfect clean beach below. 

“I’m so happy I bought that ring,” Solomon murmured, handing Asmo the glass. Asmo let him take his free hand to kiss as he sipped at his drink. He had genuinely thought that Solomon was going to ask if they could take a break when he proposed. After all, with the transition into his post grad program and struggling to find internships at the time, Asmo wouldn’t have blamed him. Things were stressful. He’d had a knot in his stomach for weeks before the proposal thinking that Solomon was going to cut things off with him. He was ready to go out to buy a ring himself. He’d never been so tense in his life when Solomon asked him to go out that night. He’d prepared himself to beg and plead. To promise Solomon that they could make it work even if he didn’t believe it deep down. Because he was scared that if they went on a break, they’d never get back together. 

When Solomon had proposed instead of doing any of the other terrifying things Asmo had prepared himself for, he’d burst into tears. Honestly, everyone had probably been looking at them, Asmo hadn’t been quiet, and it hadn’t been graceful sobbing. Meanwhile Solomon had been frozen, completely terrified that he’d done something wrong.

As if Solomon ever could do wrong.

As if Asmo would ever say no. 

His social media had been  filled with pictures of his engagement ring along with photos of him and Solomon together. Asmo’s eyes had been a little wet throughout most of the pictures, but he didn’t mind. His engagement ring was also something he wanted to show off every chance he got.  His hands were a little more animated than usual, his left always on top of his right when folded.  Why shouldn’t he show it off? After all, Solomon had clearly spent quite a bit of money on it, and it was gorgeous.  Asmo had made sure to take care of it so it shined brighter than the stars in the sky. He’d made sure Solomon knew how much he loved it, and how much he loved him. 

Sure they had to keep the fiance title for a while, but oh was their wedding worth the wait. This was all worth the wait. Asmo wouldn’t have had it any other way. 

“I’m surprised you did.”

“I had the money, that’s never been an issue.”

“I know, it’s just-”

“Hey,” Solomon stopped him in his tracks, and tilted his chin upwards, “I love you okay? I wouldn’t have proposed if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have said what I did if I didn’t mean it. You’re special Asmodeus. So special, that I was afraid you wouldn’t say yes. I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t say yes.”

“I would be brainless to say anything but yes,” Asmo countered.

Solomon hummed and pressed their foreheads together, “And I love that about you, that my husband is a very smart man, he’s also an incredibly talented man.”

Asmo yanked his husband forward back into their kiss and they fell over. He couldn’t get enough of Solomon, their lips only parted enough to whisper soft ‘I love you’s before coming right back together. Solomon tried to pull back a little further, meeting resistance from Asmo. 

“Darling, I need to breathe.” The breathlessness in his voice made Asmo shudder. 

“Haven’t you had enough practice baby? I am breathtaking after all.”

Solomon snorted as Asmo drew him back in. It was his fault that such cheesy things left Asmo’s lips. The entire time they’d been dating had been filled with Solomon’s terrible pick up lines along with awful nicknames.

Was there anything more perfect? Asmo didn’t think there was any better lifetime he could have been more wonderful. He didn’t think he could live any other life time without Solomon. Life would be so much emptier without him.

Asmo felt Solomon brush his fingers not-so-innocently between his shoulder blades. It was just enough pressure to cause Asmo to make the sweetest, shortest, little moan. Oh the things Solomon had discovered while they were dating. The accidental touch here or there, a response, and then repeat. Solomon had made this particular discovery during a make out session earlier on in their relationship. He could still see the way Asmo had squirmed and gasped on his lap as he touched him over and over and over again. He was adorable. He was beautiful. For Asmo, having a partner that cared about him and wanted to make him feel wonderful in any situation was a pleasant change. He was more than happy with the fact that Solomon was the partner that became his spouse. Asmo knew he was with someone that would care for him and pay attention.

 Then there was the gentle tug on the ribbon of his robe. It was slight, but just enough for Asmo to feel it. “Again?”  he murmured playfully, tapping Solomon’s nose, “What will we tell people if they learn that we went on this extravagant trip for our honeymoon only to stay in bed the entire time?”

“We’ll tell them that I was giving my husband the love and attention he deserved,” Solomon chuckled. One of the silk ends of the ribbon rolled through his fingers slowly, mimicking the waves of the ocean outside their room. “And can you really blame me? I can’t get the way you looked out of my mind… The entire reception… When  we got here, you looked so beautiful, and even now,” he sighed, brushing their lips together, “My husband. My wonderfully perfect husband.” 

Asmo loved the way those words sounded against Solomon’s lips, He honestly couldn’t tell if he was getting drunk off of the wine or Solomon himself. 

“Oh Solomon, you dog,” he squealed, chastising Solomon with a playful swat to his husband’s back as he latched onto his neck, hands scrunching up his robe at his hips. Not that he minded. No. He loved it when Solomon touched him, especially like this. He loved the feeling of being wanted, of being craved. A small noise left Asmo as he tilted his head a bit to give Solomon better access to his neck. Every movement was just right, just how Asmo liked it.  “Haven’t you marked me up enough already? I thought we wanted to go down to the beach tomorrow.”

Maybe Solomon was the one drunk on him.

“Just one more-”

“That’s what you said with the last one.”

“I want everyone to know that someone loves you more than anything. Plus, you can be covered, we don’t  have to go swimming. The ocean is overrated anyways.”

Asmo snorted.

The only reason the two of them had come here for their honeymoon was because they had agreed it was rather romantic, but Solomon’s one condition was that he would not step foot in the ocean. He couldn’t help but shake his head, nails working up to Solomon’s head to massage and gently scratch at his scalp. He swore he felt Solomon shudder and then go limp for a moment. 

“I almost forgot you got your nails done.” Solomon’s voice was hot against his neck, and he could feel his lashed fluttering against his soft (and now marked) skin. 

“Specially done for our special day.”

“They feel nice.”

“Oh you’re adorable.”

“My husband spoils me too much.”

Asmo stopped and leaned back a bit. Solomon mirrored his movements and propped himself up on his elbows. He cocked his head to the side, as if to ask what was running through his head.

“I swear, if you call me ‘my husband’ one more time, I’m going to burst.” Everytime Asmo thought he was in full bloom, another petal or two started to unfurl.

“Oh? Is that not who you are Mr. Asmodeus?”  Asmo swore his heart stopped, as the words slipped past Solomon’s lips. He almost didn’t process the way Solomon crawled on top of him, eyes locked, and forcing Asmo into the plush pillows beneath them. “Is my Asmodeus, my dear, darling, light of my life, little strawberry, baby, sweetheart Asmodeus, not my adored husband?”

Oh this was so not fair. It wasn’t fair how quickly Asmo’s mouth dried out or how his brain immediately decided to stop working at that moment. And it certainly wasn’t fair that his cheeks were almost positively perfectly pink. Especially not when his husband was being a dork on purpose. He turned his face into the pillow closest to him and screamed. “How are you so hot? It’s not fair. You don’t even try! Especially when you’re purposefully trying to say the most unsexy things in the world!”

“But pooki, you react to it oh so-” Solomon got a pillow right to the face, followed quickly by a flurry of pillow smacks. Solomon laughed as he tried to shield himself from his husband’s fluffy fury.

“Why. Are. You. Like. This?” he pouted before dropping the pillow and sitting on the edge of their bed. He turned his attention away from Solomon and to a little bowl of candies next to the bed. He unwrapped on and popped it in his mouth. After a few moments before he felt the bed shift. Solomon’s head was resting on his shoulder and his arms were tightly wrapped around his waist. Without a word, Asmo unwrapped another candy and pushed it past Solomon’s lips. “No more awful pet names,” he murmured, kissing Solomon’s cheek.

Of course much sappier little nicknames had been exchanged at their reception. They had been playing with each other’s rings, swapping sickeningly sweet words quietly, sometimes they would laugh. Even when they split up to go greet their guests their eyes wanted the tables until they found each other. If they didn’t meet, they would stand there and admire the other until they looked up and noticed. Eventually they  met once more at one of the guest tables and their hands immediately met once more. Belphie made a gagging noise at one point, signalling that the two of them were getting a little too mushy.

“You’re not on your honeymoon yet,” he’d said, making a few of his other brothers laugh. Even now, if Solomon was overdoing it, Asmo had to admit some part of him deep down still loved it and Solomon knew it. 

He felt Solomon’s grip tighten. “But my darling, how can I possibly stop?” he smiled, “Especially when you’re oh so wonderful my dear. You make my heart soar.”  

Asmo shoved another candy into Solomon’s mouth before untangling himself from Solomon and looking for his suitcase under the bed. “Whatever am I going to do with you? After this I’m going to be moving in with my sappy husband who loves to spoil me with morning kisses before he has to start his day. And every morning  I fall for him all over again,” he hummed. It had to be in here somewhere. He knew he brought it. He’d made sure he’d packed everything before he left. Just what did he want to show first was the question.

“Oh?” Asmo felt a hand caress underneath his jaw and the side of his face. Solomon had his signature smirk on his face, the one that made Asmo melt. He just had such a powerful energy around him. It was addictive and flooded all of Asmo’s senses. “Are you saying you aren’t just as sappy and loving my Asmodeus?”

“Now I never said that,” Asmo smiled, learning into his touch, “It’s just that you’re the one who got a tattoo pretty soon after we started dating.” He reached up to touch the area where he knew he’d had Solomon put his tattoo. He’d had more than enough time to study Solomon’s tattoos before deciding where he wanted  his. It looked nice on his sternum, Asmo had made sure it would. He was Solomon’s center and always close to his heart, so the position was fitting. Countless nights and a lot of wasted paper finally resulted in something that Asmo had been happy with. It didn’t include his name, but it was unique and pretty and perfectly Asmo. 

“True, but you’re the one who has designs based off how in love you are with me,” Solomon teased, flopping on his stomach to get closer to Asmo. 

“I’m not the only one in love,” he giggled, letting Solomon peck his lips once, twice, again. He could feel Solomon’s hand leave his face and trace whatever part of his body he could reach. He knew every inch of Asmo, and the way his fingers traced out long memorized curves and edges was divine. Solomon really did know him inside and out, he knew every last little detail, he was attentive, and Asmo adored him.

However, he had something he wanted to show Solomon. He made a small noise, before pulling away from Solomon’s lips so he could go through his suitcase once more. It didn’t take long before he found exactly what he’d been looking for. 

“But, I do have something I’d like to show you.” 

Asmo opened up one of his older sketch pads and held the image out to Solomon. It had taken him forever to finally finish this project, but he couldn’t have been happier with it. There were two outfits on the page, and Asmo had made sure that they both complemented and contrasted each other. One was dark and sharp, filled with blues and blacks. The other was softer and bright, filled with yellows and pinks. Both were modeled after flowers in one way or another, and both had petals decorating the outside outlines in silver and gold respectively. They balanced each other out and brought out the beauty in each other.

“I started it before we started dating. I might make an alteration or two, I’m thinking about calling it Blooming Together, or something along those lines,” he said, “I thought you might like it.” He watched as Solomon’s fingers ghosted over the outlines of the art. 

“And why might I like it?”

Oh he wanted him to say it. Not that Asmo minded, he loved telling Solomon how much he loved him. It came like a second nature to him. He’d started saying ‘I love you’ to Solomon before they were even together.

“Well, like you said before, I often base some of my designs off of how in love I am with you,” Asmo said. Solomon was one of his favorite muses. He’d never known one person could make him feel so much before, yet here he was. “I would hope you’d like anything you were an inspiration for.” Asmo put the pile of things in his hand on the nightstand before crawling back up to join Solomon, and he was quickly reminded how he hadn’t been able to avoid Solomon’s lips since they’d said their vows. A slew of laughter escaped him as Solomon went to work once more, lips meeting every inch of soft skin they could possibly find, and then more as quick hands manipulated the silky robe. The fabric moved easily out of his way, allowing him to reach every part of Asmo he wanted. Asmo’s nails gently raked against ink covered skin, drawing another content hum from Solomon. 

 How did he get here?

“You know I love anything you do,” Solomon murmured, pressing another kiss on Asmo’s body. “How could I not when you put so much passion and effort into everything you do? I’ve always loved that about you, you know, your passion.” 

Asmo nodded, eyes fluttering shut as Solomon continued his work. Each touch set him ablaze, sending a warmth through Asmo that he had never felt with anyone else. Everyone around them had given them their best wishes for a happy marriage, but Asmo didn’t think they needed wishes. He and Solomon knew where they stood with each other, and Asmo couldn’t imagine their future as anything but happy. Sure, he had been insecure about his place in Solomon’s life, but Solomon proved those doubts wrong time and time again. Solomon loved everything about him, everything he thought no one would ever care about. There was so much to Asmo, and Solomon made sure he paid attention to every little detail. Asmo wrapped his legs around Solomon’s waist before falling backwards and reaching for his things on the nightstand. 

“You know I still have evidence of how much my husband loves me. I wasn’t the only one pining before we got together,” Asmo said, gently bopping Solomon’s forehead with worn pink envelopes.  Asmo had taken care of them and always kept them safe. He watched Solomon’s eyes widen as the recognition crossed his face. That little recognition made Asmo smile, and hand the letters over to Solomon. “I’ve always wanted to hear you read them to me you know, sometimes I imagined your voice when I read them over.”

Solomon took the letters, “You kept them.”

“Of course I did.”

“And you brought them with you.”

“Like I said, I’d always wanted to hear you read them. Why not on our honeymoon, it would be so romantic,” Asmo sighed, leaning back again. He was a sucker for romance, he always had been, and Solomon knew this. 

With a chuckle, Solomon started moving their position, being mindful of the letters in his hands. He grinned and motioned for Asmo to come closer. Instead of gently scooting over, Asmo jumped into Solomon’s arms, the playful atmosphere still surrounding them. After a flurry of kisses and laughter, Asmo finally settled in the crook of Solomon’s arm with his head resting on his chest. The steady drumming of his heartbeat lulling him into comfort.

Solomon cleared in his throat for show, making Asmo roll his eyes, before he read off the first words of the letter, “How could any person ever glow so brightly?”  His voice rumbled through his chest, as he read the letters. Every now and again he’d pause to kiss Asmo’s forehead or interject with another thought he had. Asmo’s eyes sparkled all while listening to the words.

How did he get here?

Well, Asmo knew how. The feelings in his chest were undeniable. He just couldn’t believe that he had something like this, something so wonderful. It seemed like a dream. Like a beautiful fantasy. Solomon was the best thing Asmo ever could have asked for. 

He got here because Solomon was home. Solomon had promised Asmo that they’d be together forever, and he made good on that promise. Every morning he’d be able to wake up and see his husband, come home to his husband, get lunch with his husband, text his husband when he couldn’t see him, and sleep next to his husband. Solomon was his husband now. Solomon loved Asmo and wanted to be with him for the rest of their lives.

Solomon wanted to be with Asmo, and Asmo wanted to be with Solomon. 

They were meant to be together, and Asmo knew there was nowhere else he’d rather be. 

By the time Solomon finished the last letter, Asmo’s eyes were lowered and a wide soft smile crossed his face. Solomon was his entire world. The mere thought of him would make Asmo’s honey colored eyes would sparkle with pure adoration. Solomon met his gaze. The only word he could have used to describe Solomon in that moment was spellbound. Slowly, Asmo found his hand, and started to play with the ring on Solomon’s finger, refusing to break eye contact with his husband. Solomon brought him closer, starting to mirror Asmo’s expression.

“I meant every word,” Solomon said softly, “And I still mean all of that. Sometimes I still wonder if my words truly did you justice.” Solomon’s other hand caressed his figure. Solomon’s touches were soothing despite his cold hands. Sometimes Asmo would still jump, especially if Solomon shoved his hands under his shirt on purpose, but that didn’t mean he loved his little touches any less.

“Even if you didn’t, your love does more than make up for it. You give me everything I could ever ask for and more than I ever could have imagined. The fact that I have you is enough for me.”

Asmo nuzzled underneath his chin and held him closer. He wasn’t always sure how he got here, or what he did to deserve this, but he did know that Solomon was his. He felt Solomon kiss the top of his head and bury his nose in his soft hair. This was perfect. This was the life he’d always wanted. This was the future he’d always dreamed of. As Solomon held him close, Asmo couldn’t help but let go. He wasn’t so much falling as he was floating. There was a vast and endless love surrounding him, one that was warm and comforting and that Solomon constantly surrounded him with. He lifted up his head ever so slightly to press light butterfly kisses against Solomon’s neck and jaw. He wanted to express everything he was feeling and words simply lacked the complexity of what he wanted to say. Solomon lifted his head to look down at Asmo, hand moving up to caress his cheek before his fingers slipped underneath his chin to tilt his head up. Slowly he leaned in, letting his lips move gently against Asmo’s. They molded together perfectly, everything about this was perfect. They  were moving gently against each other, there was intent behind the movements, but nothing about it was either vigorous nor hasty. Asmo had never felt so vulnerable with another person before, never enough to bear everything he was to them. But Solomon took every piece or him, every soft petal, and held it close to his heart. This was what Asmo deserved, and nothing less. 

Even when the movement of their lips halted, they didn’t halt, foreheads gently  coming together. No matter how close they were, they always craved more.  

“I love you Solomon.” 

“I love you too Asmodeus.”

The words exchanged between them were soft, almost at a whisper. It was as if they were exchanging the most precious of secrets between each other and trying to keep the world from listening. It was beautiful, absolute bliss had never felt so perfect before. The world outside  could disappear. Nothing else mattered except for the man in front of him.  No matter what happened everything would be okay as long as he had Solomon by his side.

The love of his life.

His Solomon.

His husband. 

Things would be okay with Solomon. Things would be more than okay with Solomon. He’d be safe, and adored, and loved with Solomon. Solomon would protect his heart and help him explore every wonder of life that there was to see.This thing that they had together was special, and Asmo knew that they would protect it, nourish it, and help it grow and bloom together. 

The moon glowed softly outside, reflecting against the waves which gently caressed the shore outside. The entire world was quiet. Not a single soul dared to disturb the two lovers, who were tucked away from the rest of the world with only moonlight as their witness. For now they could focus on each other and revel in the start of the newest chapter of their life together. A chapter filled with little wonders and an ever flowering love.

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

Fix Me (doctor/soulmate AU) {4}

Summary: Getting to know Grayson Dolan and his field of expertise, Y/N finds herself growing closer to Ethan despite her initial reluctance.

Warnings: angst, fluff, SMUT, swearing, drinking, possibly triggering end

Word count: 7000+

Fix Me (doctor/soulmate AU) series Masterlist

A/N - heavily inspired by Grey’s anatomy, my own experiences and thoughts, but also by songs: Birdy - Not about angels, Bear’s den - Fortress, Matthew and the atlas - Out of the darkness, Harry Styles - Falling, Kodaline - Wherever you are, Isak Danielson - Love me Wrong, Dove Cameron - Remember me, Tom Odell - Can’t pretend, The XX - Angels.

I really hope you guys like it! Feedback is always wanted and appreciated, no matter how small or big it is!

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Pulchritudinous (adj.) – having incredible physical beauty

Pink. Pink walls, pink scrubs, pink down to her underwear - that's what gynecology felt like to Y/N. Everything and everyone's just so...PINK. And she doesn't have anything against the color, in fact it reminds her of the most beautiful sunsets she's ever seen or the luscious lips she recently kissed, but there is such a thing as too much pink and this was the perfect example of that.

People smile so much she wondered if their faces are stuck like that and while she appreciates the kindness and acceptance they bestowed on any intern joining them, Y/N feels like she's stuck in a cotton candy machine cartoon. Yet she can't blow this.

It is absolutely imperative she does well and convinces Ethan to stop giving Grayson anymore of the interns because she never wants to be back on this ward in her life because the happy-go-people are driving her insane.

"Morning little princess! Had a good night?" Grayson snickers at his own hello and its was the first of many hints he had given her about what he coaxed out of his brother during morning coffee.

"A better night than this morning." She grumbles, looking up at Grayson in suspicion. Maybe he's always so smiley or his hair is always so nicely combed to the side, but something told her his curls are wilder than Ethan's and she got to experience them once upon a time. She nearly had a repeat just the night before and while she wanted to let go and give into Ethan, she stopped herself just in time.

Being around his twin certainly didn’t help her rid of Ethan from her thoughts or memories and no matter how hard she tried to lock the memories of his gentle touch, there was no denying he sunk his claws deep into her and more she tried to fight it, she fell only further.

“Sounds like you had a very interesting evening then.” Grayson quipped, his smile painfully ineradicable and unreadable, yet she couldn’t shake the feeling he could tell there was something between her and Ethan. Would Ethan tell his brother? Would she be comfortable with Grayson being let in on their forbidden kiss?

“You could say that.” She forced a smile before clearing her throat awkwardly.

“So, when am I supposed to be useful around here?” Changing the subject, she quickly glanced at the half empty rooms with lips pressed together, hoping she’d get to pay her dues and be done with it because if there’s one specialty she was sure she wasn’t fit for, it was definitely gynecology.  

“There’s only one woman in the maternity ward, she should give birth sometime during the night. Until then, we’ll do a couple of check ups to follow progression of the delivery, mainly to make sure the baby and mama are well. The rest are all here due to risky pregnancies, but I don’t expect anyone to have their baby this week.” Briefing Y/N, Grayson was sure she would roll her eyes or at least make a remark on the slow day ahead, but he was surprised to see her nod along and make a few notes for herself.

“Alright. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to start rounds myself and I can fill you in later?” She smiled and Grayson frowned ever so slightly as if he was lost in his attempt to read her. And he was. People are usually open books and Grayson loves being able to anticipate what they will do or say, but this girl was hard to read and it frustrated him…especially when he wanted more information on how she feels for his brother who is a besotted fool. Aside from her beauty, Grayson found herself wondering why Ethan fell so fast for her because he wasn’t the cloudy, twisty type and Y/N looked like she possessed darkness Grayson couldn’t fathom.

“Doctor Dolan?” After losing patience, Y/N reminded Grayson she was still there and waiting for confirmation and while she could stare at his perfectly symmetrical face all day and admire the way his eyes are hazel in this particular light or his extreme beauty all around, she really wanted to make a good impression and prove she can do more than just surgery and most of all, she wanted to prove to Ethan that she can take orders outside of bed too…when she wants to.

“Oh, yeah. Sure. Page me if there’s trouble.” Grayson instructed with a small smile, rubbing his chin as she walked away from him, leaving him more confused than he had ever been in his entire life and all he could hope for is his own soulmate being easier to understand than Y/N otherwise he’d be in deep shit.

Orphic (adj.) – mysterious and entrancing, beyond ordinary understanding

“How is she doing?” Ethan appeared before Grayson without any warnings in the attendee lounge, nearly scaring him to death as he choked on that sip of coffee he thought of as his saving grace just moments before.

“You can’t just jump people and expect them to be forthcoming”, Grayson coughed once more and Ethan took it as a sign to pat his back…a little too hard for comfort or to earn a proper thank you from his brother, but he did receive a dirty I want to kill you look for his efforts.

“I didn’t jump you, I asked nicely as any brother would. Now, would you be a good brother and tell me you didn’t scare her away?” Ethan insisted, his eyes bright and curious, his hands clasped together before his chest in a tiny prayer of sorts, as if it would ever work considering Grayson’s meddling nature can only be stopped by death and that was certainly not happening any time soon.

“You literally came out of nowhere!” Grayson exclaimed before shaking his head in annoyance only to sit back on the couch and take a deep breath. “She was as enthusiastic as she can get, I supposed. Pretty sure she’s just itching to get this rotation done with so she can finally be back by your side.”

Eyes widening, Ethan’s lips twitched as he fought a smile from appearing because he knows that any time he gets any hope, Y/N disappears and he’s left to lick his wounds. This time, he would take it slow and let her mystery unveil itself on terms she’s comfortable with because whenever he pushes the matter, she runs, but the moment he slows down and patiently lets her know he’s not going anywhere, she opens up and every time he gets insight in all her beauty, he is left entranced. She’s not for feeble minded people, there’s no doubt about it in his mind and if anything, Ethan was more determined to love her because of it. She tested him in every way possible and while it was stressing him out, Ethan wouldn’t give up on her. She’s hard to understand to ordinary minds, but Ethan isn’t ordinary and he was ready to face the challenge.

“You didn’t tell her I told her about the kiss, right?” Deciding to check, just in case Grayson really wanted to anger him, Ethan tilts his head to the left ever so slightly, just enough to make sure Grayson knows there is only one right answer.

“No, but I did tease her with a few hints I’m sure she didn’t pick up on.” Chuckling, Grayson winks at Ethan before leaning in and whispering: “Don’t worry, she said she had a great night.”

“I swear, if she realizes you know I will never tell you anything again.” Cracking his knuckles, Ethan leans on the couch too, resting his head on the back of it with a heavy sigh leaving his lips.

“She won’t! Dude, relax and go with the flow. The connection you two share can’t be erased by anything and she will realize that too. I just hope my soulmate situation ends up being easy peasy lemon squeezy, cause I don’t think I can handle the stress you’re dealing with.” He barely finished the sentence before Ethan cackled, clapping his hands before turning to his brother.

“I hope I’m alive when you meet her because I have a feeling you’re going to be worse than I am.”

“Shut the fuck up.” Grayson’s words only sparked more laughter from Ethan who had tears in his eyes whenever he realized karma is a bitch and Grayson would likely get a woman that will drive him crazy too or he will drive her crazy because as much as he loves his brother, Grayson isn’t an easy man to deal with either.

“I hate you so much.” Grayson’s pager went off just in time and while he had more than enough to say to his brother for psyching him out about his soulmate, Grayson flipped him off and rushed toward his ward because Y/N’s just a newbie and he couldn’t let her deal with emergencies herself even if he wished he could. Grayson loves his job dearly and out of all the specialties he could have chosen, gynecology and neonatology were his first love and that’s why he became a double certified surgeon.

“Where’s the fire?” Still out of breath, he watched the rather calm Y/N with a raised eyebrow and he definitely had to hold himself back from taking his frustrations out on her.

“Just wanted to let you know the patient demanded epidural and I need you to handle it since I’m just an intern and I can’t exactly summon the anesthesiologist myself without your signature.” Finishing the last of the papers she was working on, Y/N looked up at the almost heaving, red in the face, sweaty Grayson who looked like he was about to have a stroke considering the pulsating veins in both his neck and forehead as he kept a tight-lipped smile to pose as a front of calmness and serenity.

“You good?” She asked with a slight frown, wondering if she should page some help in case the giant before he decides to crash on the floor, but he quickly nods, placing his hands on his hips.

“I’ll call them now. Thank you for paging me.” Despite the polite tone used, Y/N could tell Grayson wasn’t quite happy with her but then again, she had to call him before the poor woman’s time frame was closed and she had to endure all the pain of a natural delivery even though it’s her right to ask for medication. Shrugging, she just smiled and went on her break without sparing Grayson a glance, figuring she’d only get a death stare if she dared to look back and she wasn’t in the mood for anyone’s anger.

“Delivered any babies?” Alex asked her as they passed each other in the hall and Y/N had to fake a smile as she realized she’s waiting on one woman to pop while the rest of the interns are all in the OR. Anger of her own bubbled up to the surface as she walked into an on call room, her eyes stinging with tears she absolutely hated. Most people break things when they’re enraged, but she cries. It’s contradictory but that’s exactly who she is – a breathing contradiction of nature.

Querencia (n.) – a place from which one’s strength is drawn, where one feels at home; the place you are your most authentic self

“What’s wrong?”

And there he is again, finding her even when she’s looking for solitude, offering his hand to hold and shoulder to lean on even when she least expects it. The worst thing is that she’s actually becoming dependent on his help and that scares her most of all, because what is she supposed to do when he decides she’s not worth it and goes back to whoever his soulmate is? It’s always going to haunt her – who is his soulmate and what is their story? Why would he be kissing her if he has a soulmate?

“It’s stupid and I didn’t know you were in here. I’ll let you rest.” Mumbling so fast, Y/N stood abruptly, wanting to leave Ethan behind and find a quiet, vacant place to release the pent up emotions and confusion so she could handle faking some perkiness for Grayson for the rest of the day.

Grasping her hand in seconds, Ethan didn’t hesitate to pull her back toward him, refusing to let her walk away when she’s so clearly upset. Their eyes meet in an instant, the closeness forcing them both to hold their breath and look at each other silently. Ethan’s free hand gently moves along her arm, finding its rightful place at the side of her neck, touching her skin so tenderly she felt on cloud nine and it reminded her of that night where he unraveled her, made her scream his name in pleasure she never found before or after than night again. There was no denying it, Y/N had a weakness for his hand on her neck and his words in her heart, neither of which she had any willpower to refuse, especially not when she couldn’t breathe when he looked at her with such longing, shameful lust and indisputable passion. And still, she never felt more at home nor did she feel more herself than in Ethan’s arms.

“It’s not stupid to me. I won’t make fun of you, I promise.” Ethan assures her, speaking first in hope of having her walls break down and he released her hand only to wrap his arm around her waist, bringing her closer than ever, close enough to smell the cherry chopstick on her lips.

“I just miss surgery and everyone’s doing their thing while I’m waiting on one woman having a baby and it’s frustrating. But you’re right, I have to learn to be a team player and to be more patient with you and believe your experience and knowledge that is vast comparing to mine. But I still miss it.” The timid look in her eye made his heart clench so painfully, that Ethan could hardly stop himself from kissing her to relieve the hurt. His soulmate is a willful woman, fierce and independent that it made him feel guilty for seemingly beating it out of her in this particular moment.

“I see you learned the lesson. If it’s worth anything, I miss having you around too.” Ethan smiled, his lips nearly touching upon her soft ones, the proximity playing with his senses and driving his self-control up the wall. There is nothing in the world he wanted more than to kiss her again, but this time around Ethan decided to let her make the move. She is tender, but fierce. To understand a woman like her, one must realize that the former is who she is and the latter is what life demanded of her – a caring heart that has seen too much pain.

“You miss me or you just want a repeat of our night together? Is this emotion or physical attraction?” Wrapping her arms around his neck, she wets her lips in thought and he can’t help but think this is a well-designed trap for him to say the wrong thing and for her to use it as excuse to put distance between them rather than face her own desires and he was almost certain those desires included him.

“Why can’t it be both?” Opting for a rather neutral response, Ethan bites the inside of his lips in anticipation of her pushing him away and storming off, but even as he waits, he feels her hips press closer to him as if she’s telling him he won’t be left alone. Not again.

“Physical attraction is nothing more than chemical reactions in your brain. Can’t trust them. They’re not real.” She quipped, seeing a cocky smile appear on his lips, noticing the tiny wrinkles around his dark eyes as he holds her gaze bravely, unwavering even when she hardens.

“Isn’t the whole universe a chemical reaction?” Ethan raised an eyebrow, holding her captive with just his eyes, as if his arms posed no threat comparing to the power of just a look.

“Do you trust that?” He continued as a tiny bead of sweat formed on his temple.

“The heart we’ve been working on in the OR, this connection we share that makes us unable to walk away? Feels pretty real to me.”

Biting her lower lip, contemplating the right move, Y/N couldn’t fight him on it. Her heart knew he was right for it wouldn’t be screaming at her to kiss her and those butterflies in her stomach felt more like killer bees as the need to feel him inside her had taken over every thought she generated.

One hand caressing his lean cheek, Y/N forgo all rational thought as she slammed her lips against his and Ethan’s own heart leapt inside his chest. In the force of a passionate kiss, he pushed her against the door, remembering to lock it just before he slipped her lab coat off. His burning lips had only been fueled to stay on hers forever, his tongue lining her lips before they part. The kiss deepened; desire and passion palpable as their souls stir, itching to be as one.

Breaking apart just to take their scrubs off, they were sure they broke a record in undressing as they clashed again. Ethan chuckled as she nibbled on his bottom lip, her right palm falling over his chest down to his abs only to stop at his boxers, pulling at the waistband with her own lips spreading into a smile.

Their gazes locked. They were both breathing rapidly, both totally focused. She studied the sight of Ethan’s bare body, his abs on display and his heart visibly beating in his chest, her eyes travelling down to his happy trail and to her reluctant hand that already slipped a few fingers inside his briefs and she pauses not because she’s unsure about wanting this but because for an instant, she is aware of the throbbing in her blood, of the beat that seemed to vibrate about them – something only Ethan could ever make her feel.

“You really sure about this”, but Ethan worried she’s backing out and she had to make sure she felt safe to say no if there was any doubt in her mind about it happening. Little did he know the only doubt she had was tied to becoming a dreaded Grey’s anatomy cliché.

“I followed all the rules. Drew inside the lines. Where did it get me? I’m done being the good girl, Ethan. I want you. ALL of you.”

As his fingers passed the point between her breasts, and moved lower, she drew in a shuddering breath. And closed her eyes. “Please.”

Ethan heard the tremor in her voice, his lips following as they tremble before attaching to her neck, palm sliding possessively around her hip, fingers sinking into soft flesh as he drew her to him. He took her lips, her mouth—a second later, he felt the shudder that passed through her, her achingly sweet surrender.

He felt her fingers at his nape as they slid into his hair. Her lips are soft, pliant, eager to appease and he feasted, on them, on her mouth, on the warmth she so freely offered him, no struggle and no stress. She pressed herself closer to him as he slid his hand down her back, to stroke, then cup her bottom, growling possessively as she giggles, breaking up their kiss into a few quicker pecks.

“You’re driving me crazy.” Ethan manages to whisper, smiling as her giggles make his worries subside, casting all fear aside as he rests his forehead on hers, walking her back to the lower bunk and while he didn’t expect their second time to be in an on call room on a bunk-bed, he realizes it’s not the place or circumstance but the person he gets to hold close to him.

“Good. That’s the goal.” She mumbles as he unclasps her pink bra with one hand, helping her take it off before his fingers grasp the pink panties and rip them on the sides as if she won’t need them for later.

“Pink, huh?” He kinks his eyebrow as that smirk of his reappears and she can’t help but roll her eyes at him.

“Your fault. Gynecology, remember?”

He caught her hand and towed her the few steps to the bed. He sat, then took her other hand too, and pulled her to stand between his knees. She watched, her breathing ragged, as he took in her body fully for the first time. The first time they barely took time to look at one another, missing those birthmarks and scars life had left on their skin as a road map to what they’ve survived. This time he had no intention on missing anything, including the scars she had from her surgery or any other intervention her body suffered.

Ethan drew a shuddering breath and reached for her. His burning palms sliding over her back, urging her forward, broke the spell that had held Y/N. On a gasp, she let him pull her near, grasping his shoulders to steady herself. He looked up, the invitation in his eyes very clear, one she took in an instant as she bent her head and kissed him, longingly, openly, giving all she had to give.

She was his and she knew it. There was no reason she couldn't indulge him, and herself, in this way. No reason she couldn't let her body say what she struggled to say in words.

After a long, lengthy, satisfying kiss, his lips slid from hers to trace the curve of her throat, to feel the blood pulsing just under her skin. Y/N tipped her head back to give him better access; her fingers sinking into his shoulders as his tighten on her hips as he takes full advantage. He held her steady as his lips drift lower, over her breasts. Struggling to breathe, she murmurs appreciatively when his lips press more firmly to her breasts, her murmur ending on a gasp as his teeth grazed one nipple before taking it into his mouth, and she felt herself melt down to her bones. One of her hands convulsively clutches his hair as he adores her breasts, teasing her, pushing her to her limits, soothing one moment, then tantalizing the next, easing her back one minute, then whipping her to an excruciating peak of pleasure he delays.

“I need you.” She whispered in shaky breath, but he didn't answer. Instead, he trailed lingering hot kisses down her quivering belly. And into the soft curls at its base. As it came, a kiss so intimate she could barely cope with the shattering sensation. He followed it with more, not ruthless but relentless, not forceful but insistent. Ethan smiled up at her, teasingly as he watched her struggle to keep herself standing before allowing his tongue slide between his lips first and then between hers. His tongue slid lazily across the sensitive bud, making her bite her tongue to hold in a moan that would surely alert the nurses to knock on the door and he wanted to tell her to let it out, to allow him the mercy of hearing her beautiful moans once again but even he knew it wouldn’t be sensible.

She clutched closer to him, and lost any hope of pretending the truth was not real, that she wouldn't be his, be anything he wished. He filled his palms with her, cupped her and supported her, held her steady as he tasted her. Explored her with his tongue, teased and tantalized her until she found herself almost sobbing.

“Is this not real?” Reminding her of the argument she made before, Ethan had a licked his lips clean of her, watching her admit to the truth in her dire need.

“It is. The most real thing I’ve ever felt so don’t you dare stop.” She instructed, still bossing him around even though he is in charge and they both knew it. But he gave in, pushing his briefs down only to pull her onto his lap, her knees onto the mattress, sliding along on either side of his hips. He knew her body was ready, yearning to be as one, to feel him inside once more.

“Good. Now promise me you won’t pretend this didn’t happen.” He plays dirty because when he’s doing it by the book, Y/N is always there to remind him she doesn’t follow rules. This time, he’d make sure she did.

“I won’t. I promise.”

As her thighs slid past his hips, he grasped hers pulled her down. He sank into her and saw her eyes close, lids falling as her breath left her in a soft, long-drawn sigh. Her body stretched, her softness accommodating his hardness. He wanted to close his eyes too but he feared missing a single second of her beauty. Then she shifted, pressing deeper, to take more of him, to fill herself completely. For one fractured second, he thought he'd lose his mind. He certainly feared losing all control.

He lifted her, then lowered her and she quickly caught the rhythm, realizing she could move herself. He eased his hold on her hips, let her have the illusion of setting the pace when in reality, he never let go, but counted every stroke, gauged the depth of every easy penetration. After all, in a way, she was still a virgin and he the one with experience.

It’s timeless, without restraint, their bodies joined as she buried her face in the crook of his neck, her nails digging into his back as her breathing is heavier and her moans are harder to muffle. He gave her that - unalloyed sensual joy, pleasured delight beyond description under his subtle guidance, she gasped, swayed and panted as he filled her, thrilled her, pleasured her to oblivion. He gave her all, and more, he gave her himself. And as he neared his end, Ethan finally lost control – pulling her onto the mattress, laying himself atop as he pushed deeper, faster, forcing her to bite into his shoulder as her toes curled, eyes rolled back and tears fell from her eyes from the pleasure. However, in the last moment, Ethan pulled out, pumping himself till the finish until he came on her stomach.

“I’m so sorry.” He whisper shouted, reaching for the panties he ripped off her, cleaning her stomach in a slight panic as if she cared at all.

“You should be. Why didn’t you finish inside?” She challenged with a lazy smile and genuine confusion. “It’s not like I can get pregnant, Grant.” She chuckled, using the name she always reverts to eventually, especially when they get close and they certainly got close this time. But it also reminds him she’s completely unaware they’re soulmates and that she could in fact get pregnant with him.

Swallowing thickly, he fakes a smile before tossing the panties back on the floor, satisfied she was no longer covered in sperm though he wouldn’t mind it one bit if they were home and she had a proper change of clothes and a shower.

“I forgot.” Ethan lies through his teeth as he looks at her messy hair and smiles. “You look beautiful.” Complimenting her, he leans in to press a kiss on her lips, allowing her a taste of herself inadvertently.

“I look like I had sex and the only reason why I look beautiful to you is because I had it with you.” She chuckles, shaking her head as she moves to her side to let him take up more room as he’s bigger than she is.

“You always look beautiful.” Ethan retorts, his hand pushing back her hair and while he intended to be sweeter and cuddle, her pager went off and ruined the magic.

“Damn it.” She grumbled as she scrambled to get dressed, hating the one paging her with burning passion. After all the time she had denied herself the pleasure of Ethan’s company, her pager is the one that ends it prematurely.

“Great, now I have no underwear.” She exclaimed, sending Ethan a quick glare he responded to with a low chuckle and a striking smile.

“That’s hot. I’ll make sure to stop by and give your ass a nice little tap if it gets too breezy.”

Rolling her eyes at him, she managed to hook her bra before looking at the incessant pager with a disgruntled scowl, trying hard to hide her trembling legs as her body is clearly unfit to function just yet.

“Tie your hair to hide the sex hair.” Ethan adds in good measure only to get her frown and scowl directed at himself and if looks could kill, he’d be a dead man. Raising his hands in mock surrender, Ethan struggled to keep a chuckle in. “Or don’t. I’m not ashamed of what we did here.”

“Think your brother might feel differently. He’s the one who cut this short.” Sticking her tongue out, she put on her scrubs and coat, adjusting the stethoscope before rushing toward the door, her hands already working on creating a bun to hide the ‘sex hair’ as Ethan put it.

Falling back on the mattress, Ethan exhaled loudly, rubbing his hands over his face in disbelief. It felt like a dream, as if they were in their own world – a bubble no one was allowed inside, until Grayson ruined it.

“You’re so gonna pay, Gray.”

Mirifical (adj.) – wondrous, amazing,

“You’re slow, Y/L/N!” Grayson reprimanded her as she rushed into the delivery room, freshly gowned to make sure there isn’t a way for any infection to put the mother at risk.

“I was on a lunch break. Why are we doing a C section?!” Y/N frowned, quickly putting on sterile gloves with the help of a nurse, her mask attached by another as she didn’t expect it to be a surgical procedure.

“Baby’s stuck, now come over here and let me show you what gynecology is made of.” Grayson raised his voice ever so slightly, but the mask muffled the sound enough for it to seem like he’s still talking in a calm fashion.

Y/N stood beside him, following his instructions carefully, stealing a few glances his way. Even with sweat rolling off his forehead and worry lines etched into his flawless skin, half his face covered under a mask, Grayson looks absolutely breathtaking and it didn’t stem from any physical beauty but the sheer power of will and fire his eyes held, something she recognized in Ethan as well. In that moment she found admiration for the younger Dolan, and even for the pink scrubs he sports with pride.

“Wanna do the honors?” Grayson interrupted her thoughts, beckoning her to be the one to finish the section that lasted exactly 3 minutes and she couldn’t help but smile and take him up on the offer, finishing the vital part of the surgery and to everyone’s relief, the baby cried instantly.

Grayson cut the cord immediately, but Y/N was frozen in time. Holding this little baby, a tiny miracle in her hands as it wailed simply for being taken away from its mother, knowing she brought this life into the world – it swelled her heart and softened her immensely. She had no idea that this day would end with a baby in her arms, one she was forced to hand over to the nurses to wash and clean and do the proper vaccination and prophylaxis and all the necessary blood tests so it would be ready for the mother when she wakes.

“You good, Y/L/N?” Grayson questions, aware the birth had hit her hard, perhaps harder than he anticipated and it worried him. It’s the first time she could tell Grayson Dolan isn’t smiling or being his happy self.

“Yes, just never held a baby let alone one just born.” She shrugged it off, swallowing thickly as she wondered if she’d ever have one of her own. If she stays with Ethan against all odds, they would never be able to conceive like soulmates do and while she never saw herself as someone eager to have children, the thought alone had nearly broken her.

Yet, she returned to Ethan that night, to the same bed she lost her virginity in and she didn’t stop on one night, nor did she ever plan on stopping at all. Ethan had become a drug of choice she wasn’t sure she’d ever be rid of, even if he asked her to. And as weeks passed and months followed, Ethan and Y/N had been careful enough to hide their liaisons from prying eyes.

Y/N experienced all specialties, every surgical OR and every possible teacher but no one could substitute Ethan nor Grayson for that matter. The week she spent on his ward turned out to be quite an adventure and when he asked for help again, she wasn’t opposed to it either. And while she got closer to Ethan, she was close enough to talk to Grayson as well, close enough to ask the questions she feared to ask Ethan because the answers might be far from what she wants to hear.

"Do you feel your soulmate?" She asked softly, worried Grayson might find her question too personal but he just nods, a faint smile playing on his lips. After the long day they had, this talk coming after midnight wasn’t such a surprise.

"I've always felt my soulmate." Biting his lip, he saw the slightest of smiles finally break through the cold surface she put on and he quite liked the way that small gesture lit up her face so perfectly.

"It's like having two hearts, isn't it? Like you have two hearts in your chest, beating, calling out for you and while you feel it, it isn't really there. Yet it pulls you in different directions, tears you up inside. And I've always felt that maybe the pain comes from the other person. Maybe we feel their emotions as well?" Swallowing thickly, she dropped her gaze to her feet, feeling guilty over her overwhelming, undeniable desire for Grant when her possible soulmate felt so torn and maybe they are looking for her while she's getting involved with someone else.

"I don't know how people ignore that feeling. How do you?" Looking back at Grayson, she saw his smile erased and his shoulders slack. This is the second time she saw Grayson Dolan serious without his usual smile on display.

"I'm not ignoring it, I just feel my soulmate is doing her thing. It's a girl, that much I feel is real. And I believe that once she's done, she will find me and it won't be planned and it won't include me chasing a ghost around the world. It will be as it is meant to be. Perhaps she's not ready to meet me? Or she's trying to figure out who she is and how to love herself before she can love me completely. Either way, I'll wait ‘till she's ready because she felt when my soul came to this world and I know she feels me every day. I can wait. I will wait." Grayson shrugged, a sad smile back on his face but it's a smile nonetheless.

"It's refreshing to be around someone as honest as you. You always seem like sunshine, the guy who is always happy positive and spreads that emotions to all who come in contact. You seem warm, like the guy who never gives up on people."

"I'm not the sunshine brother." Grayson stops her, his smile wider as he scratches his chin. "You got it all wrong, princess. Ethan is and always has been the sunshine between the two of us. What you described matches his personality and only some of mine. You'll see that in time." But she did know it in a way. Ethan had always been her warmth, her own sunlight she basked in and she was completely drunk on him. Grayson is more of an ocean – calm and peaceful but can become turbulent and temperamental in an instant.

"You know, don't you?" She couldn’t deny it, not after the initial hints he made and even less after he had caught her leaving Ethan’s apartment last week.

"I'm his twin. I know everything."

And with a shrug, she nodded in acknowledgement, fully aware that her secret is no longer a secret and she still found herself at Ethan’s place that night.

She shuddered, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip ruthlessly as Ethan’s breath caressed her skin. It felt so right, too right to resist his advances. She lived for those nights with Ethan, those thick with lust and romance and wine and naked kisses. It wasn’t meant to be anything but friends with benefits, at least for her, so imagine her shock when Ethan’s heart spoke instead of his mind just as the two were coming down from their high.

“I love you.”

Y/N’s heart stopped as she sat up, grumbling sheets before her naked chest to hide what he knew better than she did. The words were enough to drive her mad, but what truly scared her is that what was between them is now spoken.

“But you have a soulmate and so do I. That’s not possible.” She managed to say as her teeth chattered, oddly enough she wasn’t cold yet her entire body shook with Ethan’s confession.

“I know and I want to explain.” He tried, desperately reaching for her but she wasn’t ready to hear it. He knew it when she pulled away and started looking for her clothes all while hiding her body from his sight. He had to calm her down, but there was no saving the night.

“Nope. I’m leaving and you need to figure out your shit or this is over.” She continued, managing to put on some clothes while Ethan ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He grabbed his own clothes as quickly as possible, running after her in fear of losing her – something he never got over. But it took him five minutes to catch up, only to find her standing on a bridge.

“Loving the wrong person is like self-harm.” She whispered, more to herself than him as she stared ahead at the river, aware he’s there without even looking his way. She wasn’t going to jump, but she thought about it. She thought about what would happen if she made that one little step and fell to her death. Would he miss her? Would he grieve for her? Or would he move on with another and forget about her miserable existence? She wondered if Ethan would be better off without her and maybe, just maybe she is a disappointment to him. He never talks about his soulmate yet she feels there’s something he hides about her that is there to hold them back, to stop her from fully admitting her feelings for him.

“You really think I’m the wrong person? That I’m killing you? Because you’re killing me! When all is said and done, you will destroy me and I’ll ask for more.” Ethan shouts, his heart torn to pieces as it’s been ever since he met her and he knew he was saying the truth – she would be the death of him.

“Maybe it’s you know needs to sort her shit out because I have nothing to sort out. I told you I love you and you basically told me I’m an idiot and left. If I’m not enough than be honest and say it but don’t think of me as a fool.” And this time, for the first time, it is Ethan who is walking away.

Little did he know that come next day, he would be hating and regretting his choice.

“You look like you didn’t sleep much.” Grayson notes, noticing the dark shadows under her eyes that matched his brother’s far too much to ignore and neither of them were happy nor shy about it, so it wasn’t hard to realize a fight broke out and the two didn’t part on best terms.

“Thanks for noticing, Captain Obvious.” Sassing back without even looking at him? That felt more like the old Y/N – the one too confused and too afraid to go after what she wanted which differed greatly from the woman she’d become ever since her secret relationship with Ethan began.

“Ouch. I just wanted to offer a sympathetic ear.”

Blaring alarm interrupts their chat, the sliding door closing shut on their own and while Y/N would usually ignore it, she couldn’t help the fear that crept up and formed a cage around her heart.

“What just happened?” She grabbed Grayson’s forearm inadvertently, still staring at the door and the sudden quick pace everyone had taken, feeling a growing lump inside her throat as all the pagers went off. Taking a quick look, Grayson paled.

“Code Silver? What the fuck is Code Silver?” Y/N’s voice trembled as she pulled on Grayson’s coat but he was quick to pull her close to his body and push her in the nearest room.

Fighting his strong grip that would surely leave a bruise, her panic only grew as Grayson’s heavy breathing started to alert her even more. And whether she liked it or not, she wished she could be stuck with the other Dolan twin – the one that is calm and collected and always knows what to do as if his middle name is Google, not Grant. She already missed the safety of his arms and even more so, hated herself for not staying in his bed and convincing him to take a day off.

“Let me go! Grayson! What the fuck is going on?!”

He gestured for her to get down and put his hand over her mouth to quiet her before they’re both silence otherwise.

“There’s a shooter in the hospital.”

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Tags: @beinscorpio @peacedolantwins @heyits-claire @dolandolll @godlydolans @dolanstwintuesday @ethanhes @iwastornsincethestart @graydolan12 @fxkthatdairy @zeusgrayson @libradolan @justordinaryjen @pineappledolan @graysavant @voguekristens @imayoutubere @livexdolan  @shadowsndaisies @maybgrayson​ @dolans4lyfe​ @mendesficsxbombay​

Anyone crossed out wasn’t able to be tagged, probably an issue on Tumblr’s side, sorry.

[golden-saga-imagines]

NSFW headcanons for Lupin Gang and Zenigata? I mean if you’re not too busy..

Yeah, don’t worry. About Zenigata I did it in the last post, so, in this post only I’ve done Lupin Gang. But if you want more of Zenigata, only you have to request it again and I’ll write it. Well, I hope you like these hcs. Enjoy! 💕💕💕

 LUPIN

💰 Needless to say, Lupin is horny 24/7. And he never refuse to have sex. He’s pretty romantic, too, but his cock clouds his mind. So, you know he become stupid in presence of a woman.

💰 Each opportunity he has, he will take it. In a romantic dinner? Yes. In a robbery? Why not. Lupin loves to takes a risk, this is the best part of steal and the sex, too. Be Lupin’s lover is exciting. Isn’t the first time that Lupin turns on escaping of Zenigata.

💰 In fact, once you and Lupin hid inside a closet, it was little and if you wanted finish in prison, you had to stay quiet and still. But, suddenly two hands squeeze your butt and you could feel an erection is pressing your thigh. You sigh, but you can’t deny you’re bit horny. Finally, among kiss and kiss Lupin fucks you in this wardrobe, with his head in your neck. And his cravat between your teeth in cause you don’t moan in loud voice.

💰 In this time, Zenigata almost catch you.

💰 Lupin is a great lover, he adores you. Lupin doesn’t have problems in the bed, he doesn’t care about roles. Do you want ride him? Lupin will be delighted. Do you want do it a blowjob? Lupin never says no. Do you want test other things? He has a list about it. Bondage? He’ll love it see you like that. Buy the rope to tie you isn’t a problem, he’s a criminal after all. (Fuck u Mr. Grey).

💰 Lupin is pretty versatile in the bed. This surprise you, but not in the bad way. Because that means Lupin has a lot of experience and you can fully trust him. He never hurts you.

💰 The rope always are of colour of his jacket. Lupin ties you to headboard and kisses your body and bites it. Lupin teases you a lot off. Don’t worry, later, you will have the opportunity to return him. The kinbaku is an art that Lupin controls, he loves how your boobs are squeeze against the string, like your thighs and your butt.

💰 Lupin really loves have a blowjob before of any theft, he likes to cum in your mouth and Lupin gently pulls your hair. This awards the victory in the robbery.

💰 Lupin doesn’t usually leave marks of kisses or bites in your skin, but he loves you do it in him. He really loves you bite his neck and scratch his back, and you moan and call him in loud voice when he fucks you. Lupin usually lets you to ride him, he kisses your boobs and you press his hip with your legs.

💰 Lupin loves that you sit in his face, he would stay hours and hours like this. Sometimes, he lies you down on the bed and puts your legs in his shoulders.

 JIGEN

🥃 Jigen is a reserved man, he isn’t a great high sex drive like Lupin. BUT that doesn’t mean Jigen doesn’t enjoy about the sex. Unfortunately, he always is on guard, more if you’re a woman. The gunman has a big dick, over average, but he’s modest about that.

🥃 He likes more receive than give, but he doesn’t have any problem to give. Jigen never say no a blowjob, but always out of work. Sex and work don’t get along. You know how Lupin and the messes he causes is. But, Jigen doesn’t refuse one before or after work.

🥃 When he’s in his safe house and he’s a bit drunk, you only have to sit in his lap and kiss his neck, Jigen become melt. You unbutton his shirt and caress his chest, he’s pretty hairy. Please, kiss his scars and you will have him where you want. You do him a blowjob with fully clothed, but you must be careful that any drop stains his trousers, are expensive. Jigen tangles his hand in your hair and with other holds a scotch.

🥃 Jigen is a great dirty talker, he makes a lot of jokes of guns and dicks. Jigen praises you and your body, sometimes if you ask for it, he degrades you. He likes talks in your ear slowly and with hoarse voice. (Jigen has a great voice).

🥃 He loves to leave marks in your skin, bites, kisses and teeth marks. She loves your boobs, kisses it, licks it, massages it; sinks his face until choke. If you have a bit of whisky, you can put it in your boob, squeeze it to leave a puddle of alcohol, then, Jigen drinks until quench. The rest of scotch in your skin he will lick it until clean it.

🥃 Jigen doesn’t mind to have a fast sex before a work or wake up in the morning. He’s pretty lazy at mornings, if you want wake up quickly you just to make him a blowjob.

🥃 How he loves classical music, after shower you can dance with him naked in the livingroom. After, he puts in the couch and kisses you. And rest all afternoon in the couch completely nude, hugging you.

🥃 When you ride him, he likes puts his hat in your hair as a cowboy. If you pull softly of his beard, your drive mad him. He prefers fucks in his safe house, but he doesn’t say no if he is horny in public and you can to resolve this problem. But, he prefers fucks you than you do him a blowjob. He’s a master criminal, Jigen knows where hide you for no one catchs you.

🥃 He doesn’t mind has a mirror to show you your face when he fucks you. He will mutter you how beautiful you are, and tease you a lot of. Please, beg him, he loves it.  

 GOEMON

🎐 For what Goemon fucks with you, you need a lot of familiarity with him. He doesn’t have a high sex drive, in fact, he has an incredible self-control. Goemon will turn on when his stress peak are very high, any brush or touch, in his neck, his jaw or more cheeky; will make Goemon have an erection that he can’t supress based in willpower.

🎐 So Goemon will be direct. “(Name), I want fuck”. You almost choke in this moment. You look him, he is blushed and a bit uncomfortable, Goemon play with his kimono’s sleeve. You accept and move this into your bedroom.

🎐 When you’re inside, Goemon just taken off his kimono and kisses you with necessities, he rocks your face with his hands while kisses your lips and your neck. How Goemon knows human body he knows where touch you for you to moan of pleasure. His fingers are relentless and leave a fire trail in your skin. He is pretty good with his mouth, Goemon is filling and attentive, he memorises all your expressions for get the best result. When you cum, he clean you with his tongue.

🎐 Goemon is the strongest in the gang, so, he take you and fucks you against the wall, holds you by the hips, your legs goes around his hip while Goemon kisses your neck. Please, caress his hair, this will drive him made. Goemon is pretty quietly in the bed, you listen sigh and moan. He sinks his face in your neck.

🎐 Goemon leaves a lot of marks in your skin but unintentionally. In the next morning he’ll be very embarrassed, so, Goemon apologizes with you about that.

🎐 Goemon doesn’t like PDA and much less have sex in public. But, if you must wear a bikini for a robbery, Goemon looks you discreetly.

🎐 Goemon isn’t a man with a lot of kinks, he have a basics like tie you at the headboard. BUT, sometimes, he added his sword at the equation. He uses his sarashi (the cloth he wrapped around his chest) for ties your wrists on Zantetsuken’s case. If you ask for curt your clothes with Zantetsuken, at first Goemon refuses but you only have to raise an eyebrow for the blade tears your clothes (including your underwear).

🎐 Sometimes, when he fucks you, he take your hair, Goemon never pulls it. He isn’t a kisser, he is more a toucher. Goemon loves to touch your skin, draughts your scars, your striates and another marks.

🎐 When he is about to cum, he speaks in Japanese.

FUJIKO

💎Fujiko is the person most coveted in this group. She can seduce until the own devil. And you aren’t the exception. She just has to wear a beautiful dress and wink for anybody (except Jigen) drool at his feet.

💎Fujiko is the queen of teases and kinks. She just caress your neck with his finger for you turn on. She get close to you until your noses touch each other, until his lips brush yours, but when you want kiss her, Fujiko moves away and she invites you to follow her. You try to appear serene, you slide until his bedroom and when you see her. Fujiko only wear lingerie. She signals with his finger that you approaches her, you accept (with dignity).

💎Then, you grab her legs and pull of her, you lie her down and kiss her. Fujiko is surprised, pleasantly surprised. She draw a half smile and caress your hair. “I win”, you says. Fujiko looks at you as if you were his prey. “For this time, (Name). But, I have all night to win as many times as I want”.

💎Fujiko fucks you of all ways you can think. He ties you at the headboard, in the kitchen, on the shower, in public. She has handcuffs but he loves tie you with his own necktie. And YES she has the satisfyer and she knows how to use it for you to cry and cum.

💎Fujiko is pretty good with his mouth, she leaves you a lot of marks of his lipstick, Fujiko will not want that you erase it. Neither the marks she leaves in your neck or in your boobs. She loves see you the next morning in public with a lot of marks made it by her.

💎She loves the parties, more, if the host is a rich. She introduce you as her girlfriend, when you steal the gemstone that she wants rob. Fujiko puts you inside on of the mains rooms. She fucks you and kisses you. And if anybody enters, quickly will leave of the room. The jewel is secure with you.

💎She likes make you a blowjob before a robbery and during the robbery, she licks his lips looking you and remembers you what did just do. The rest of the gang don’t understand her, for you relief. When you finish the robbery, Fujiko approaches to you, grab your waist and mutter in your ear: “Do you need another, sweetheart?”

💎When you finished, Fujiko loves that you rest your head in his chest, caress her boobs with love and adoration. She loves you as if you were an ancient relic. She caresses your back with his fingers, softly, and kisses your hair. She loves rest in the bed hugging you with your bodies interlaced.  

Ari 🌿

[shaluprajesh]

Meditation in Everyday Life – Learn How to Know Yourself

Meditation in Everyday Life — Learn How to Know YourselfAwareness

At the point when meditate, you become mindful of the quantitative variety of your thoughts. With the utilization of a mantra, you figure out how to deliver those thoughts and persistently re-visitation of your serene psyche. This cycle permits you to be more mindful of your thought both through contemplation. This mindfulness is the premise of your joy since it’s the place where you live right now. At the point when your thought removes you from the synchronized beauty of the current second, the act of this mindfulness assists with taking you back to the present time and place.

Tenderness

In your training, you should be delicate with yourself. In case you’re unforgiving judgmental and each time you have an idea, you’ll lose yourself in analysis and aggravation. By planning predictable “personal time,” you mark yourself as significant without requiring the approval of others. During this time you can relinquish the brain gab from your jobs and responsibilities and simply be with yourself. By setting aside the effort to sit and be with yourself peacefully, you practice generosity, sympathy, love, tolerance, adaptability, and acknowledgment.

Giving up

By reliably getting back to your mantra in meditation, you’re practicing the demonstration of giving up. You let go of judgment and analysis, which causes you to resist the urge to panic, alert, and in the now. At the point when you face unforeseen considerations that surface in reflection and let them go, you become more gifted at managing startling circumstances that surface in your life. This contemplation strategy assists with restricting your speedy responses to regular conditions. You figure out how to notice the progression of your considerations, wonderful or difficult, without becoming involved with them.

Decision

At the point when you let go of your thoughts in meditation, you’re not smothering them; you’re seeing them and then releasing them with the goal that you may pick what is generally feeding for your practice. You eliminate obstacles in your meditations, which additionally encourages you to perceive and eliminate them from your life. You’re not running from your contemplations, you’re basically picking which course is generally healthy.

Confidence

During meditation, you give up your thought with confidence and let go of the need to figure out what goes on in your mind. This confidence creates in your life also. You become more comfortable with not understanding certain things or not having all the appropriate responses. You permit yourself to be somewhat more defenseless against the common unfurling of life, which clears a path for mending. This makes flexibility to help you skip back when challenges in life become overpowering, and this eventually causes you to develop into your best self.

Core interest

In meditation, each time you re-visitation your mantra, you practice single-sharpness. You focus your mindfulness where you need it to go, building up your inward experience of being focused. Outside your training, you become more talented at zeroing in your energy on those contemplations and activities that honor your real essence. Your internal direction reinforces and develops as you face resistance however harmony comes from knowing yourself and getting back to the current where appreciation lives.

Scan your body

Spend a few moments checking your body. The absolute first time you do this, you may not generally notice anything. In any case, with proceeded with practice, you’ll start to see where you hold pressure and stress in your body. You’ll get mindful of your breathing, regardless of whether you inhale into your chest or your midsection.

You’ll turn out to be more in line with your body and when things aren’t exactly correct, you’ll become mindful all the more rapidly.

Assess your qualities

What’s essential to you? What makes a difference most? Family? Instruction? A solid hardworking attitude? A fantasy sort of adoration?

Time spent in meditation is an incredible chance to assess what you esteem. It’s something beyond distinguishing what you esteem. Set aside the effort to wonder why you esteem those things. Shouldn’t something be said about them makes them imperative to you? How would you rank them? Is family more significant than schooling? You can go over various qualities in a solitary meeting, or you can dedicate a meeting to a solitary worth and truly jump profound.

Live carefully

This one is an extension of your contemplation, emerging normally out of your proceeded with practice. As you assess your qualities, investigate your motives, become more acquainted with your considerations, and comprehend yourself all the more profoundly, you’ll start to live more carefully.

You’ll give more consideration to discussions, exercises, and even the littlest snapshots of life. You’ll lose interest before and however you’ll keep on anticipating the future, you’ll see it simpler to live at the time and let the future deal with itself.

Wipeout stress

Stress unleashes devastation on the body and mind. And it doesn’t benefit you in any way. Stress is valuable in circumstances where you’re actually in danger — being pursued by a tiger, or fighting off a home interloper — yet the greater part of our pressure today comes from an excessive amount of work, such a large number of duties, and an overall feeling of tension that life won’t turn out OK on the off chance that we don’t worry about it.

Taking out pressure is one approach to show yourself that you adore and like yourself. It shows that you care enough to attempt to guarantee that your psyche and body aren’t made undesirable and discontent with pointless pressure. Obviously, we as a whole realize that dispensing with all pressure is exceptionally improbable. Yet, I guarantee there is the pressure that you can dispose of. It requires being straightforward with yourself. It additionally requires being eager to give up. You may need to figure out how to live with a dishwasher that is not stacked in the manner in which you’d do it, not exactly ideal schoolwork from your child or letting another person work on a piece of an undertaking for you.

Yet, the prize is justified, despite any trouble.

Learn More — Meditation in Everyday Life — Learn How to Know Yourself

[paperbagpetrichor]

Aaah I'm sorry, I'm not sure how far you're into jjba. Only if it's okay with you, would it be okay to request Josuke and a fem s/o hanging out outside until it starts to rain? btw your writing is amazing! 💜 😭

[ You’re all good!  I’m in the process of finishing DIU and love it ahh <3 Josuke is precious.  Thank you for requesting and being so kind and considerate!  I swear, I have the best anons, you’re all so sweet and caring and ohmygoodness??  I don’t deserve that love but I cherish it nonetheless ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ) ]

The bright sunlight of the day seemed a bit out of place.  Not to say Morioh wasn’t usually a nice place - quite the opposite, in fact.  Almost every day you awoke to rays of illumination filtering through your curtains, warming your sleep-ridden body as you stretched and grabbed your caffeinated drink of choice for the day, heading out for school and always someone winding up alert even when you hadn’t finished your coffee or tea.  Luminescence was enough of a wake-up call, and even if the warmth was enough to comfort you, it wasn’t exactly putting you to sleep any time soon.

Except for last week.

Of course, why wouldn’t last week have made you incredibly tired?  When did finals ever make someone feel rejuvenated?  Right, never.  After a draining period of nothing but homework atop assignments and projects atop tests, a full year’s load of work piled upon one final exam with questions ranging from day one to the night before scattered haphazardly throughout page after page of the assessment packets, bubbling answer after answer only to erase or curse yourself as graphite clung to the edge of your hand, painting the entire answer document an unpleasant swath of gray, you could barely drag your body to the park.  Not even the gorgeous morning could restore the liveliness to your eyes.

Not to say that nothing could, however, because as you yawned and closed your eyes for a moment you opened them at the exact moment your feet were lifted off the ground, strong arms embracing you in a tight hug and practically crushing your body between them, eliciting a smile and a laugh from the both of you as you returned his gesture of affection.  After awhile of peaceful silence laced itself between the two of you, still melded into one, you managed to tease, “You’re going to suffocate me, Josuke.”

He gave you a snort before setting you down, looking you over for the first time since you’d arrived.  So overwhelmed at seeing you again after almost three weeks of physical separation and only sparse phone calls here and there, with both of you preparing for exams, he’d hardly wasted a moment to take you in before hugging the life out of you just to feel you, to know you were really there, and that he was, too, beside you once again after what seemed like decades.  Bags had sprouted beneath your eyes, and your skin was paler than usual, but somehow you still managed a smile.  Your presence would always bring a grin to his face, and even in your stressed state you were just as beautiful as the day he’d met you.  He took your hand in his and guided you to one of the multitudes of park benches, sitting down beside you before shaking his head and blinking.  Still expecting you to disappear the moment he opened his eyes, much to his joy, he found you, still there, smiling up at him.  “You look like you could use a rest,” he thought aloud, tucking a stray strand of your hair behind your ear.  “I could’ve just dropped by your place, you didn’t have to come all the way here…”

“‘All the way here’ is two blocks,” you giggled, playfully flicking his pompadour.  If you were anyone else, he probably would’ve killed you on the spot.  But you weren’t ‘anyone else,’ you were [y/n] [l/n], the girl who somehow took the time out of her schedule to defend his most prized possession (besides you, of course): his hair.  You thought it was unique, to say the least.  It fit him.  Just the right amount of craziness coupled with the attempted calmness he tried to keep around you: practically his personality, physically manifested.  “Though I have to say that needing a rest is an understatement.  Feels like I could sleep for years.”

“I know the feeling,” he chuckled, resting an arm around your shoulders and pulling you to him, gently and wordlessly easing your head onto his chest for comfort, his body like a big, strong pillow against your fatigued body.  “But that’s what we’ve got break for.”  With a pause, he suddenly opened his mouth to speak once again the moment he saw the same action reflected across your face, both accompanied by a look of concern, albeit for different reasons.  “And before you even think about it, you did fine, [y/n].  I know you did.”  Much to his relief, he felt you relax, even if only slightly, against him, sighing away whatever feeble protests you had to offer.

You closed your eyes for a moment.  His faith in you was unshakable, and sometimes it felt like an excess of stupid stubbornness, but at that time you couldn’t have been more grateful for it.  If all that work had resulted in nothing...no, you couldn’t think like that.  Not when he was so sure of you.  Not when he cared enough to reassure you.  “Thank you.  Same goes for you.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” he replied with a small, muted snort.

Rolling your eyes, you tilted your head back to face him, taking his hand in yours and giving it a comforting squeeze.  “Oh, please,” you began, “I know you worked just as hard as anyone else.  I believe in you - I know you did fine, too.”

Ah, jeez.  What would he do without you?  As much as he tried to remain himself externally, if only as a reassurance to you, he was still a bit shaken from the weeks himself.  Finals would take a toll on anyone, he supposed, but he hadn’t really thought much of it until he’d gone through them himself.  He would be lying if he said he wasn’t the slightest bit nervous.  But your words were like honey, dripping with sentiment and coating him in confidence, and that statement - I believe in you - was enough to send his heart racing.  

“So, we both get some sleep, because we both need it -” Josuke’s eyes widened, since when were you telepathic? “- don’t even try to hide it, I know you too well.  Besides, I’d be more concerned if you weren’t tired.”  The two of you let out a soft laugh, sounding off a gentle melody of tranquility that you both needed more than you knew before you continued, “And then we start break.  Any plans yet?”

You felt him shrug against you.  “Nothing much, but I’ve got one thing I definitely want to do,” he replied nonchalantly.

“Which is?”

“Spend it all with you.”

You broke out into a mess of laughter.  “Oh my god, you’re so cheesy,” you managed between wheezes, taking the moment once you’d gotten enough air back into you to steal a kiss, sealing the deal.  “But I’ve gotta say, I love it.  And you.”

“Who’s the cheesy one now?” he chuckled, running a hand through your hair.  You stuck your tongue out like a young child after losing an argument, ultimately throwing your head back with defeat against his chest, allowing him to take the win for whatever it was worth.  It sounded lovely.  Really and truly, it did.  There wasn’t anything more you could’ve wanted to do during your break than catch up on all the time you’d missed with your boyfriend.

It honestly didn’t matter whatever the two of you did, as long as you were together.  A soft “It’s so good to see you again” escaped from your lips, but you didn’t try to hide it, leaning into him even more and savoring his touch.

He felt you surrender against him, and after he repeated the words back to you with equal truthfulness, he fell quiet, enjoying the serene blanket that had fallen atop the both of you after an insane week of work and woe.  It was exactly what the two of you needed.  Enjoying another’s company in silence was sometimes all it took, and thus it was precisely what the two of you did.  Every now and then you’d reposition yourself, taking his hand or giving him a gentle hug, and he’d offer the same, holding you closer and helping you both find the most pleasant positions, no longer two separate individuals but a unit of soft hearts and loving eyes. 

A few dark clouds had begun to roll in, but neither of you paid them much attention.  The darkening of the sky only let you unwind further, and as Josuke rested his head atop yours, the same was evident for him.  It wasn’t sleep, but it was something better, more calming: feeling one another against yourselves, worries fleeting with your touch and a steady lull hanging around you.  It didn’t take much more than a few minutes for that to change, however.  Just as you had begun to nod off in the comfort of your boyfriend’s arms, something cold and wet hit your forehead.

Your eyes snapped open just as Josuke brought you to your feet, the both of you realizing the sudden rainfall at the same time, stunned into stillness as the gentle pitter-patter began to turn into a torrential downpour.  With a start as you regained control of your body you reached in your purse for your umbrella.  You came up empty-handed.  “Ah, crap, I left my umbrella at home,” you muttered to yourself bitterly, only to feel something soft and warm being draped across your head and shoulders like a makeshift hoodie.  With a glance up you found Josuke, who had taken your hand in his and begun to guide you out to the exit of the park, confusion rising in your throat as you realized he wasn’t wearing his jacket - oh.  

So that’s what that was.  Despite it you felt yourself sink into its comfortable softness, pulling it down over you as best a makeshift shield against the torrents as you could, following his footsteps but nevertheless calling out, “Hey, you’re gonna catch a cold -”

“- ‘All the way here’ is two blocks,” he retorted, casting a glance over his shoulder and shooting you a smile with a wink that was enough to melt your heart regardless of your concern and begrudgingly letting him continue, “I’ll be fine.”

You kept pace with him, and sure enough, faster than you expected, the two of you found yourselves on your front porch as you frantically unlocked the door, practically shoving Josuke inside as you followed, shutting the door behind you and draining out the sloshing of the rain.  You were both breathless, but nevertheless, as you offered his coat back to him, you couldn’t help but smile.  “Well, that’s one way to start break.”

“Wouldn’t change it for the world.  Except, you know, the sudden torrential downpour part.”

[idreamofplaid]

Sanctuary

Square Filled: Coming Untouched

Characters: Sam x Reader; Dean mentioned

Rating: Explicit

Tags: Dirty Talk; Fingering

Summary: The reader has made a retreat for herself in the bunker, and she wants to share it with Sam.

Word Count: 2725

Created for @spnkinkbingo

A/N: This is my super late contribution to my In the Bunker Challenge.

The glow of the blue and violet light in the room seemed to settle inside you filling you with a sense of peace. It was exactly what you had envisioned. You had chosen everything for your meditation space with the utmost of care. This was your sanctuary within the bunker, a place away from monsters and threats that could end end the world. The books in here weren’t filled with lore; they were about aligning your chakras, energy healing, and aromatherapy.

With the last in mind, you were burning a lavender and chamomile oil to ease the stress from your body. You rose from the pillow where you had sat to center yourself and approached your altar. There was a honey incense there waiting in its holder. You struck a match and held it to the tip until it began to glow then blew on it gently leaving a small tendril of smoke rising from the end. You inhaled the fragrance with a feeling of contented expectation. The honey would bring sweetness to life.

Above your altar was a picture of Gaia, the benevolent and nurturing Mother Earth. You believed she must be out there since Sam and Dean had encountered nearly every other supernatural being in their years of hunting. Dean had been so sweet helping you set this place up. He hauled in everything from the giant roll of gray carpet that now covered the cold Men of Letters tile to the fountain that trickled with a soothing sound in the corner. He’d also helped you paint the walls just the right shade of turquoise saying he understood wanting to make a room yours, to have somewhere that was “you”.

Sam hadn’t seen it yet. You had asked him to meet you here when he was done with his shower. It would be a few minutes. Sam took long showers, a fact about which Dean teased him endlessly. “Man, you shower like a girl.” He did have all that gorgeous hair to shampoo, but he’d stopped shaving his body when your relationship had gotten to the place that you felt comfortable asking him to, and he felt comfortable letting you see how he naturally looked.

Gaining Sam’s trust and later his love was the best thing you had ever done to your way of thinking, except for loving him. Loving Sam was one of the things you were meant to do. You had absolutely no doubt about that. He carried such a heavy burden and had since the day you met him when Dean still bore the Mark of Cain. Sam had been determined to save his brother while battling memories of hell that haunted him along with the guilt he still felt about the demon blood, Ruby, and the things he’d done when he didn’t have a soul.

Sam deserved more than what life had given him, much more. The most recent blow was losing his mother for the second time. You understood his pain. It had been many years since you lost your own mother, and that kind of loss never went away. The emptiness it left inside you could, however, be filled eventually under the right circumstances. You had been lucky enough to find them.

Sam had shared his grief with you. In the quiet of the night and the early morning hours, alone with you in the room you shared, you’d held him while he cried. He cried for the little boy who had never known his mother. He cried for the man who didn’t have enough time with her. Some of his tears were for the brother who had always been there to take care of all Sam’s scrapes and bruises that later turned into stabs and slashes. Dean was still there to patch him up. His brother’s pain registered in Sam’s sensitive soul like he was feeling it himself.

Over these past few years, there had been times when Sam had put his head in your lap and quietly told you about his past. You’d combed your fingers through his long, soft hair and listened for as long as he wanted to talk. Then you would welcome him into your arms. Your kisses and the comfort of your body had replaced the hurt with a love that helped heal deeply embedded wounds.

It was your hope that this haven you had made for yourself in a rarely visited part of the bunker would provide a place of refuge for Sam too. You lit the candles on your altar, sat before it, and closed your eyes to wait for him. The sound of the running water filled the room with a pervading atmosphere of tranquility. You heard the sound of the door opening and then Sam’s voice behind you. “This place is incredible.”

He walked up behind you and put his hands on your shoulders. You turned to him and rose with a smile on your face. “Do you like it?” You took his hand in yours, and your lips met Sam’s as he bent down to kiss you. It always felt like everything in the universe aligned when you kissed him. The rightness of it couldn’t be denied no matter what else might be fucked up at any given moment. After the kiss was finished, you gently pulled on his hand you were still holding and brought him to the center of the room.

Sam sank to his knees next to you on the pillows there. It was just the two of you, alone in this beautiful room you had created. Your fingers skimmed lightly over his stomach through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. He closed his eyes, and you smiled again. Sam was always handsome, but when he was lost in the way your touch made him feel he was even more so.

You took hold of the hem of his shirt and pulled it up over his head. A small sound of appreciation escaped your lips as you ran your hand over his chest through the patch of hair there. He looked down at you, his eyes the color of the sun streaming through the tree tops and the moss on the forest floor. There was a serenity in his eyes, a stillness and peace that you knew you brought to him.

You looked into his gorgeous eyes for several seconds before you kissed him. The taste of Sam covered your tongue as you pushed it into his mouth. Your fingers disappeared into his hair while you kissed him. By the time you pulled away, his breath was coming a little faster. You removed your own shirt exposing your breasts to his gaze.

He reached out and cupped one in his large hand. His thumb brushed over your nipple bringing it to a taut peak. Your head dropped back, and you closed your eyes enjoying the feel of him. When you lifted your head, you curled your fingers over his wrist and brought his hand to your mouth to lightly kiss his fingertips. Then you stood and slipped out of your yoga pants. Sam looked amazed like he’d never seen you naked before, his mouth falling open slightly.

You settled back down before him taking both his hands in yours. “I want to make you feel so good, Sam.” You leaned into him and kissed along his collarbone. His body relaxed, and he sighed into the kisses. You continued kissing over his chest and down the center of his stomach until you reached the waist band of his sleep pants. You started to ease them down over his hips. Sam helped you take them off, and you marveled at the man in front of you.

His body was firm everywhere, not chiseled the way it had once been but still muscular; and you knew what Sam could do with that body. His capacity for strength as well as extreme tenderness made him perfect in your eyes. His cock hung between his legs, long even before he was hard. You touched the velvety smooth shaft, and it twitched at the contact. Sam grew even bigger as you stroked him until he was rock hard, then you placed a single kiss on the tip before moving back to his mouth.

Against his lips you said, “You are everything I ever need, Sam Winchester.” Your hands moved down his back while you kissed him. When you got to the middle of his back, one hand stayed there while the other kept moving down to his ass. You squeezed one of his firm cheeks, and you felt his breath catch. His arms were around your waist, and he pulled you closer to him.

You kissed along his jawline to his ear. “Do you trust me, Sam?” Your tongue moved in a slow arc along the shell of his ear while you waited for an answer.

His fingers secured their hold on you ever so slightly. “Yes...I trust you.” You could tell his eyes were closed from the sound of his voice.

Your mouth made its way down his neck leaving another trail of kisses. “Good. Just listen to my voice. Okay?”

“Y...yeah.” Sam was distracted by the way your hands were now rubbing the inside of his thighs. “You turn me on so much, Sam. I love to hear you. Don’t hold any of those noises back, Baby. Give them all to me.” Your hands slid up his legs and came to rest on his hipbones. You leaned down and licked slowly across his stomach beneath his belly button. Sam moaned. Then you made kitten licks over one of hipbones you’d been touching and down to his balls.

You raised up to look at him. “I can almost feel you inside me, Sam.” He was rock hard against you. “Keep your eyes closed.” You nibbled along his neck where it met his shoulder enjoying every second of what you were doing to him. “So big. Stretching me open. I’m tight around you, Sam. Tight and warm.” He sighed deeply, and the sound that left him was a blend of a whimper and a moan. “That’s it, Baby.”

Listening to him had made you wet. You rubbed your core on Sam’s thigh. “You make me want you so much. Feel it. Feel how much I want you.” Sam’s chest was rising and falling now with his ragged breathing. He licked his lips then bit on the bottom one while keeping his eyes closed the way you had instructed. “Think about it, Sam. Think about the way it feels when you let me have you.” Sam followed instructions well during sex when that was what you wanted from him. He was equally good at being in control and relinquishing control to you.

Sam, naked on his knees in front of you, anticipating what was to happen next was enough to awaken all the feminine power of your arousal. You felt sensual, desirable, and able to please him in all sorts of ways. His body was eager for you, cock bobbing as your hands slipped down his torso and down his thighs without touching it. Sam blew out a long breath. It wasn’t unusual for you to make him wait, but you had something different in mind this time.

After a couple more passes of your hands over his body without making contact with his straining cock, Sam said your name in that low, pleading tone he got when he’d been edged right up to the point of outright begging. You stilled your hand on the inside of his thigh, and he parted his legs a little wider. “Remember, you trust me, Sam.” Your tongue licked a stripe up the side of his neck, and his whole body shuddered.

You combed your fingers through his hair. “Sam, listen to my voice. Listen and imagine being buried inside me all the way, just how you like. I can feel you, Sam. You’re so hard. Your dick is throbbing inside me and filling me just right.” His eyes squeezed shut tighter, and he reached for you.

Sam loved to touch you. He could spend hours tracing his fingers over your body, resting his hand on your hip, or cupping your breasts in his giant palms all the while praising your body. Your softness brought out the gentleness in him, or it could raise his desire to a heightened pitch like it was now and turn him on even more. His fingers settled between your folds and dipped inside you. You started to slowly move on his fingers taking them deep inside you.

“Open your eyes, Sam. Look at what you’re doing to me.” His eyes were the darkest hazel bordering on brown. “Pump your fingers into me, Sam. I want to come all over your hand.”

He watched his fingers disappearing inside you and pulling almost all the way out before plunging into you again. “Just like this. You’re gonna come like this?”

You grabbed his shoulders to steady yourself. “Yes, Baby. I’m gonna come just like this.” Your legs started to tremble, and your walls tightened around his thick fingers. Sam found your g spot and started to stroke it sending your orgasm ripping through you. For a few seconds you melted into his arms. Then you sat up with a certain gleam in your eye. “It’s your turn now.”

You gathered some of your slick on your own fingers and brushed them over Sam’s lips. He swiped his tongue across the bottom one, tasting you. You cradled his balls, massaged them, and them let them rest heavy in your hand. Bending over, you blew a gentle stream of air along his shaft beginning at the base all the way to the tip. Sam clenched his teeth. “Y/N...I need...need...”

You blew back down the length of him. “I’m going to take care of you.” Pre come was dribbling down Sam’s erection. He blinked slowly with heavy eyelids while you continued to stimulate him with your breath. “Do you think you can come for me like this?”

Sam swallowed. “I...I don’t know.” There was a sheen of sweat all over his body. You tasted the salt when you took one of his nipples in your mouth and bit down hard enough to be on threshold of pain without crossing that line. Sam’s hips bucked up, and you switched to licking and sucking that nipple as you rolled the other one in your fingers. Sam had intense orgasms when you played with his nipples. It might be enough to send him over the edge now.

He kept thrusting into the air; you kept sucking, licking, and rolling until his hips stilled. Sam moaned, “Unh...Y/N...Y/N...I’m gonna...” Ropes of come spurted from his cock while your name continued to fall from his lips. When his orgasm was over, he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you against him. The two of you slowly sank to the floor making a bed of the pillows.

Sam was still holding you close. “I love you, Y/N.”

You turned your head to kiss his shoulder. “I know, Sweetheart. I love you too.” For several minutes, you listened to Sam’s steady breathing while he slept. It was the deepest feeling of contentment you had ever known, being with him in these moments when you knew you had given him peace through showing your love for him.

Sam stirred, and his eyes blinked open. His hand moved down your naked back. His voice was still low and raspy from the sex. “Are you cold?” He started to sit up as he was saying it.

You sat up behind him. “Sam, I’m fine. Your body keeps me warm.” You draped yourself against his back. “See. I don’t feel cold.”

He had picked up the t-shirt he’d been wearing, and he turned to you. “Put this on. It’ll feel better.” He was raising his arms to put it over your head.

You took the shirt from his hands, tossed it back on the floor, and pulled him down beside you again. You whispered to him and snuggled back into his warmth. “You’re enough. Always.” You felt Sam kiss your forehead and fell asleep with his fingers in your hair.

Forevers: @bitterstar88 @coffee-obsessed-writer @timelordy-fangirl2 @stusbunker @girl-next-door-writes @mariekoukie6661 @sandlee44 @cosicas-cuquis @ohnowin-chester @waywardbaby @oldfreakything @akhuna01 @tumbler-tidbits @maddiepants @evansrogerskitten @ackleholicwinchester @sorenmarie87 @ladywinchester1967 @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @sea040561 @atc74 @mrs-meghan-winchester 

Forever Sam: @death-unbecomes-you @volleyballer519 @sammyimpala-67 @crashdevlin @theladydetective @logical-princey @zombiewerewolfqueen @fandom-princess-forevermore @heycasbutt @tumbler-tidbits @dean-winchesters-bacon @idabbleincrazy @a-mess-of-many-fandoms @rebelminxy @peridottea91 @mereka18 @deansyahtzee @saltandburn-ilovesamwinchester @onethirstyunicorn @unabashedsoul97 @princessmisery666 @invisibledevour @beenlovingromansincedayoneish @arwenadreamer @fullmooner @waywardwilled @ketchacabra @taylasara @shelbyavangelinewinchester @wendibird @littlemiddlefoxbabe @mtngirlforever @focusonspn @kickingitwithkirk @dreamsfrozenincandyland @keymology @daisymoder72 @mymysosa @spnxbsessed @wingledsam @alleiradayne @that67chevy

[pessimisticlatte]

Glass Roses - Chapter 4

Marichat - Adrienette - Lukagami - Marigami (platonic but Kagami is a fanon hopeless pansexual :P) - Chlobrina (ChloexSabrina, because they’re cute and I want to)

-Eventual reveal-

~~~~~~~~~~

Marinette woke in her bed, tucked under the sheets with her dark hair splayed over her pillow like ink in water. She was groggy, her eyes still crusted with sleep and her mouth dry, but she felt strangely content, like something heavy had lifted over night that she hadn’t been aware of. Sitting up, Mari’s fringe fell over the face and she felt a warm tingle on her temple as she pushed the hair behind her ear. She tried to remember how she’d gotten to bed last night but her memory stopped with an image of Chat Noir’s face looking down at her as she laid in his lap. His green eyes had widened in the darkness and his golden hair was tousled from running his clawed hands through it. She remembered him scratching her scalp gently too, she ran her fingers through her hair with a smile.

Looking around the room, Mari’s eyes scanned for Tikki. Normally, the Kwami would’ve been curled beside Marinette’s head when she woke up but she hadn’t been this morning. Walking to the still open doors of her balcony, Mari looked out and saw Tikki sitting in the middle of her daybed, fins crossed in her lap with her eyes downcast.

“Tikki?” Mari walked over to the daybed and sat down gently next to Tikki, the Kawmi’s head turned and her luminous eyes lit up. “Are you alright?’

“I’m alright, Marinette,” Tikki floated up to Mari’s face and nuzzled her cheek, her antennae smoothing back as she did so.

“Promise?”

“Promise,” Marinette took Tikki in her hands and pressed a kiss to the creature’s head as Tikki spoke.

~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the summer passed quickly. Marinette kept up patrols as Ladybug, Chat joined her occasionally but she found him looking into the distance with a strange, almost pained, look on his face. She made sure to steer clear of her parent’s bakery when they patrolled, not wanting him to duck onto her balcony and realise that she wasn’t there. As Mari’s stress grew regarding Chat discovering her identity, she began calling Rena Rouge or Carapace to patrol with them.

During the days, Adrien spent more and more time with Mari, Alya and Nino. When Luka, Juleka and Rose returned, their group grew bigger. Chloe appeared from nowhere and insisted on joining them, glued to Adrien near constantly. He hadn’t snapped at Chloe’s disrespect of his personal space yet, but he was continually finding himself seconds away from tearing his arm from the blonde’s grip. Marinette, as always, gravitated toward him and he appeared to be putting more effort into speaking to her than he had previously. Mari’s feelings were still confused surrounding Chat and Adrien, both of them were two ends of a spectrum she hadn’t seen just yet, so she fluctuated between a stuttering mess and and the most confident person she’d ever been in her life without the Ladybug mask hiding her face.

The first day of school rolled around too quickly, taking Marinette and her friends by complete surprise. A new school year had dawned and beckoned in yet another few hectic months juggling every aspect of her life. There hadn’t been any akuma attacks since everyone had started coming home, the thought of why had been lingering in the back of Mari’s mind during every patrol, every hangout and every text conversation in the lead up to school. Could Hawkmoth be one of her friends parents? Was he a student at their school? Could he even be one of her friends?

Mari’s musings over who he could be had stolen many hours of sleep from her, more than Chat’s visits ever had, but she’d found herself unable to mention them to even Tikki, let alone Chat.

Backpack slung over her shoulder, Mari let out a nervous breath as she stepped onto school grounds. Even though she’d been with the students here since she had started school, a new year was always daunting and the nerves that sparked throughout her body never dimmed. Her hair was pulled into two small space buns on top of her head with small ribbons tied prettily around them, she’d loved the hairstyle when she had become Multimouse and she couldn’t think of a better way to present herself on the first day back at school.

The courtyard was full of chatter, those who hadn’t seen each other since returning home sharing stories and presents. Seeing all her classmates reconnecting washed away the nervous energy that had her bouncing on the balls of her feet. Walking a few more steps, Marinette heard her name ring out through the courtyard, the almost accentless French of Kagami Tsurugi a welcome sound to her ears.

“Kagami! You’re back!” Marinette jogged over to her friend, who was standing with Adrien, Alya, Nino and Alix. It was a strange mix, Mari had to admit, but it wasn’t one she actively tried to avoid.

Kagami stood very still for a moment, her eyes meeting Marinette’s, before the Japanese girl took a step forward and stiffly embraced Mari. With a laugh, Mari wrapped her arms around her friend and felt Kagami’s stiffness melt away, gently rocking side to side, Mari squeezed Kagami slightly before pulling away.

“I missed you, Kagami!” Marinette’s head felt so much less full now that Kagami was back in the same time zone as her, and would likely be returning to her tried and true schedule. Talking to Kagami was different to talking to Alya but Marinette would never go as far as to pick who was her favourite to talk to. Comparing conversing with Kagami to conversing with Alya would be like comparing apples to oranges; they were both fruit and both very sweet but no way the same. Where Alya was all jokes and smooth edges, the aura of familiarity between them allowing their conversations to flow like a river, Kagami was facts and well researched advice. Both were welcome and Mari loved them dearly but they were so different and, for that, Marinette was thankful.

“I missed you too, Marinette,” Kagami gave a serene, genuine smile which Marinette returned enthusiastically. “Time zones can make speaking to friends quite hard, I discovered. I was almost unable to contact Adrien and I was very frustrated to not be able to contact you, Alix or Alya.”

“She called me at 3 in the morning!” Alix’s spiky pink head poked into the conversation. The much shorter girl talking at an incredibly rapid rate. Alix and Kagami had hit it off about a month before the summer break, both girls being competitive to their very cores and equally good strategists, even if Alix had more energy in her body than she should possibly be able to contain.

“It wasn’t 3 o’clock in the morning in Tokyo,” Kagami’s smile grew wider. Being around Mari, Alya and Alix had relaxed her considerably but Kagami had a tendency to snap back into her rigid way of speaking and standing very quickly as soon as she thought of her mother. The careful joking was new but both Marinette and Adrien took it as a sign that Kagami trusted them.

“You’re the smart one, ‘Gami, you shoulda known the time differences,” Alix began skating around the group, weaving through everyone with practiced ease.

“I did know the time differences. Maybe I called you because I knew it would wake you up,” Kagami’s smile turned almost cat-like, a feline interest sparking in her eyes as she watched Alix literally skate circles around them.

“Oi! I’m meant to be the rude one!” 

“I’m very sorry, your majesty, allow me to make up for my dreadful comment,” Kagami swept a joking bow. “Please forgive me, Queen Alix! Oh, please, please, please!”

Alix skidded to a halt in front of Kagami and poked her tongue out at her.

“I have something for you, Kagami,” Marinette reached into her school bag and pulled out a small package wrapped in white tissue paper with a careful bow loosely tied around it. Kagami’s green-brown eyes lit up, catching the sunlight and shining like glistening honey, Mari handed her the present and watched her friend slowly unwrap it, careful not to tear the delicate paper or drop the yellow ribbon now completely free from it’s bow. “I made it myself.”

Kagami unfolded the kimono jacket inside and held it up, Mari’s handiwork glittering and fluttering like real birds in flight. The whole group, including Alix who usually paid very little attention to things such as this when it wasn’t her receiving the gift, watched as Kagami’s jaw fell open and tears of liquid silver shone in her eyes.

“It’s beautiful, Marinette,” A blink sent a silver limned tear over Kagami’s lower lid and down her pale golden cheeks. Kagami unbuttoned the white blazer she was wearing, a new iteration of the regular outfit she wore to school, and folded it perfectly, placing it on the bench next to Alya and Nino. She slipped her arms into the wide, flowy sleeves and let the beautifully, deftly painted coat fall to her mid-thigh. Unlike the common reds, whites, oranges and golds Mari had seen in lots of traditional Japanese clothing, the kimono jacket was a medium blue with stunning snow-capped mountains and beautiful coursing waterfalls, birds flew across the fabric, their wings moving gently as the garment did. The swirling water of the waterfalls appeared to cascade across the rocks Marinette had painstakingly painted with the smallest brush she’d ever used in her life. “I shall treasure it forever.”

Kagami even went as far as unfastening the red and black checkered tie tucked underneath the collar of her shirt and removing it, she appeared so much more relaxed in her tights and skirt with her slightly scuffed red sneakers all topped off with the kimono jacket that made Kagami feel like the Empress of Japan herself.

“You made that, Mari?” Adrien’s eyes were like saucers. The blinding green of his eyes almost fully eclipsed by his blown-wide pupils. 

“Y-yes,” A blush started to paint Marinette’s cheeks, brightening her freckles. “I made it all myself.”

“It’s incredible!” Alya stepped forward to run her fingers along the silver stitched lining on the sleeves of Kagami’s coat. “Why don’t you ever make something like this for me?”

“I’m working on something for you currently, Alya!” Marinette giggled, covering her mouth with her hands. Suddenly, a yellow blur came hurtling out of nowhere and launched at Adrien. With a squeal, Chloe effectively tackled Adrien to the ground and wrapped him in a bone crushing hug. Adrien hadn’t been paying attention, the brightness of Mari’s smile and the melody of her laugh had sent his mind into an unending error message. Even with Chloe constricting his breathe, Adrien was still breathing easier than he was when Marinette had walked over to the group a few moments ago.

“Aaaaaaaaadrikiiiins,” The piercing shrillness of Chloe’s voice did little of snap Adrien out of his Mari induced daze. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen Chloe recently and he guessed that he could pay attention to her later if it was really necessary. With some help from Alix, Alya peeled Chloe off Adrien and let Marinette pull him back to his feet. “Aren’t you excited to see me?”

“Uh, hey, Chloe,” Adrien rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, his hand burning from Marinette grabbing it, a searing and pleasurable numbness surging up his arm and sending his heart into overdrive.

“I’m messing with you,” Chloe threw her head back into a laugh. Marinette frowned slightly, confused. “Come on, guys! Can’t someone change for a new school year?”

“I-I guess so,” Marinette’s lips pursed, her forehead wrinkling beneath her soft fringe. “As long as it lasts, Chloe. You’ve been quite awful to us in the past and the only times you’ve apologised for it have been after Adrien makes you.”

“I guess we’ll have to wait and see if it lasts, Marinette,” Chloe threw Marinette a quick, but not insincere, smile and walked back over to Sabrina who was shaking a snowglobe and watching the fake snow inside it settle around the figurine. 

“She’s never called me Marinette before,” Mari’s confused frown deepened, dimpling her still blush painted cheeks. “Not even when she hung out with us in the holidays.”

“She didn’t hang out with us that often, Mari, we didn’t ever really invite her,” Alya grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder, grabbing Nino’s hand. “I’m not generally one to encourage giving Chloe a chance but, as she said, it is a new school year. Maybe she’d actually turned over a new leaf.”

With a shrug, Kagami gave a single, solid nod. “It would be best not to underestimate her, especially this early. Let us see if she can sustain a positive behaviour toward us before we discard her,” Adrien gave a hum of approval with Kagami’s comment. Alix looked skeptical but the wary look on her face dropped quickly after realising that Kagami, ever the strategist, wouldn’t say something like this if she didn’t believe it. Nino looked at Alya who inclined her head toward him, Nino nodded his agreement. “Sometimes, people have the ability to change. We must not become a dam in the flowing stream of Chloe’s growth or we may never see the person she could become.”

Alya and Nino, still holding hands, looked at each other before excusing themselves and walking up the stairs toward their classroom. Alix checked her watch and reported that there were 10 minutes left before class started before zooming off to pick up her bag from across the courtyard.

“I have something for you too, Marinette, but I did not make it,” Kagami kneeled beside the bench she’d put her blazer on and pulled her school bag and a large, black box. “Adrien assured me that you would like it.”

Glancing at Adrien with another luminescent blush painting her cheeks, nose and chin, Mari took the box and opened it. Beneath a layer of tissue paper thinner than the one she’d wrapped Kagami’s coat in was a dress of the deepest red. Marinette recognised the garment as a cheongsam, the slightly stiff, high collar with pure golden lining giving away the styling of the traditional dress.

“A cheongsam,” Mari’s voice was barely more than a whisper. The fabric was pure silk and she was almost completely sure that the golden thread had actual gold twined into it. It was the most beautiful garment Marinette had ever touched in her entire life and she couldn’t believe that Kagami had given it to her. Mari didn’t take the the dress fully out of the box, not wanting to dirty it, but she knew that the rest of it was just as opulent and beautiful as the collar and upper part of the dress. “I didn’t think cheongsam were worn in Japan, they’re a traditional Chinese garment.”

“My cousin, not the one who was getting married but she is engaged, had brought it with her to Japan. She wanted to give it to me but it is not something I would generally wear, I prefer more comfortable clothing, so I thought that you might like it,” A blush of her own started to rise up Kagami’s neck, her normally stoic demeanor faltering. “You’re a similar size to me so I had no doubt that it would fit you, if it does not I am sure that you would be able to accurately adjust it.”

“T….thank you so much, Kagami,” Mari placed the lid back on the box, put the box in Alya and Nino’s now vacant spot, and surged forward to hug Kagami. With no hesitation, Kagami wrapped her arms around Marinette and pressed her cheek into Mari’s shoulder. “It’s so beautiful. Did your cousin have it made in China?”

“She had it made in Singapore, that’s where she and her fiance live. He has Chinese heritage and they visit his family in China occasionally, he’s very well connected so they attend quite a few functions when they go over there. Their engagement was arranged but they learned to love each other and I’ll be attending their wedding next year,” Kagami and Marinette pulled away from each other, Adrien was standing off to the side behind them, forgotten. He didn’t feel forgotten though, he’d witnessed one of the most beautiful exchanges he’d ever seen in his life. Kagami was his closest friend, after Nino of course, and Marinette was the girl he loved; seeing them as close as they were made him happier than he thought he’d ever been in his life. Adrien didn’t have siblings and his cousin, Felix, didn’t visit often anymore, so Kagami and Nino were as close to siblings as he had. Kagami was also an only child, so Adrien felt closer and more in sync with her than he did with Nino but they were both his family considering that he didn’t have much of one at home.

The school bell tolled out across the courtyard, summoning the students to class. Kagami wasn’t going to be in Adrien and Marinette’s class as her mother had requested a specific curriculum for her that was to be taught in the Tsurugi’s native Japanese with a mixture of French, German, Italian, English, Spanish, Latin, and Mandarin. Mari had thought it sad at first that Kagami would be at school with them but unable to be in their class, she’d later learned that Luka had qualified for the same class. The discovery had surprised her immensely, Marinette hadn’t thought of Luka as an incredibly intelligent, multilingual student and she had felt very guilty in never expecting him to be anything more than a handsome guitarist. This special curriculum and class enforced by Kagami’s mother wasn’t limited to just Luka and Kagami but a few other students, both older and younger than Mari, with incredible intelligence and multilingual families.

With a small wave, Kagami walked to the other end of the courtyard and began to ascend the winding stairs, leaving Marinette and Adrien alone.

“We’d best get going or Madame Bustier is going to have our heads,” Adrien’s lips had fallen into a lopsided, dimpled grin that sent a pang of recognition through Mari’s body. She’d seen that smile before but her mind, still racing from the incredible gift Kagami had presented her and the proximity to Adrien, couldn’t remember where to process the sudden, confusing recognition.

“Yeah,” Mari picked her bag up by one of the handles and slung it onto her back, careful not to disturb the small purse crossing her torso that housed Tikki and some macaroons for the Kwami in case she got hungry. They walked to the stairs together in an almost stifling silence, Marinette couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so awkward around Adrien, especially considering the amount of time they’d spent in each others presence during the summer break. At a loss for how to conduct herself, Mari decided to infuse some of the signature Chat Noir confidence that she loved into her demeanor. The thought of the cocky, halo haired boy sent heat up Mari’s neck, he’d put her to bed a couple of weeks ago. She’d fallen asleep in his lap, of all places, and he’d put her to bed! Tikki hadn’t mentioned seeing him and Chat hadn’t asked why she had the Ladybug Kwami at all during their late night talks on her balcony or the patrols she ran with him as Ladybug; she assured herself that this meant Chat and Tikki hadn’t seen each other. Neither of them would have any reason to lie to her, right? Or hide things?

“Ladies first,” Adrien swept his arm wide as they reached the stairs up to their classroom. With a small chuckle, Marinette swept him a joking curtsey and walked up the stairs in front of him. Her mind was still overwhelmed with thoughts of that night with Chat, she’d been mulling over it for weeks and the longer she focused on it, the more questions it raised. Had she drooled on him? Alya said that she drooled in her sleep, if she’d drooled on Chat that would’ve been so embarrassing and Chat would’ve been too polite to tell her afterwards unless she asked. Why didn’t she ask?! Mari’s brow creased as she watched her booted feet ascend the steps, little did she know, that right behind her, Adrien was enjoying the view.

~~~~~TAGLINE~~~~~

@lady-charinette

@katieykat513

@nifflerstorm

DM to be tagged :P

[terfhunter420]

“how ya holding up?”

This is about how I'm “holding up” how I'm “doing” and if I “need anything” as a covidclerk because so many beautiful kind amazing stellar friends and otherwise have been asking me that more times than I can muster to answer, at some points. The long story short is “fantastic!!” because that's true – every letter of the word FANTASTIC has about a million facets intertwined within them.

Betwixt grief and global pandemic there is an incredible relationship. I have been through the standard stages of grief that I wholly know – I expect to cycle through them in multiples the longer this goes on, while always growing despite/in spite – I created new stages of grief that are probably related to the new type of cognitive dissonance I have mastered, and I have re-grieved the loss of my partner due to the fact that I can feel Nhiki laughing about the most reptilian parts of all this. The word GRIEF and the place of grief is not a triggering word or a scary place, rather, a declaration of floating just above the Earth – place of rest and reflection, a powerful position to be in for action and clarity. I don't want anyone to feel unsettled approaching me knowing I am cycling through a grieving process and I don't want anyone to feel spooked that I am answering with raw emotion.

DENIAL: what denial in a pandemic setting looks like is not true denial, per se. I'm not hoaxin' out or making light of the severity of the pneumonia and organ failure and cardiac arrest perpetuated by this virus. I am trying to absorb as much new information about how the virus behaves in the body and regurgitate harm reduction practices and efforts from each piece of new study. What denial has shown itself to be for me, as time has moved on and on and on, and every day I keep showing up to work in a fucking contagion zone, and I continue to remain healthy – even though I DID get sick when this all started – the more I am (hopefully, productively) twisting what must be fear into believing that I will be okay. I will stay alive. I am not dying from this. I can FEEL the sickening aura of tremendous outsider grief, and it's not colliding with my own. Which is interesting – I am empathic, and I have isolated my own grief from the rest? Is this something I can consider a level-up, or a form of denial? Have I sharpened a tool in my coping toolbox or have I dulled one?

ANGER: there is so much and it is not harmful. I am made of fire – my heart exists on fire – I am surrounded by salty chicks because they throw salt on my heartfire – I am knives – my knives are on fire! – I have a prayer to Lord Shiva tattooed on the base of my neck and it is vibrating constantly. OM NAMA SHIVAYA  – wild destruction for the sake of wild growth. I WANT TO SEE THIS FAILED SYSTEM COLLAPSE. I MICRO/DOSE BELLADONNA TO BECOME ONE WITH THE ENTROPY. THERE IS NO FULL, CONTINUOUS UNITY and holy fuck is that scary or what! The response my own store took for basic safety measures was drip drip blackstrap molasses slow. The response the state has been unrolling has been drip drip pure unfiltered honey thick. The inappropriate responses of the TRUMP administration has been a maniacal outpouring of American vomit and bile foam. WHYYYYY of all presidents did this have to happen under this one? Well, some folks I know say it's because that's part of The Plan. I know what they're talking about. I hear them wide and clear – and it does not make sense for me to focus my energy exertion on processing the Grand Scheme of the Bourgeois and how it relates to global elite efforts. You begin saving the world one person at a time, after all. My biggest anger I have felt relates to the social conditioning that I felt like a threat to everyone around me, and everyone around me felt like an even bigger threat. That conditioning is nauseating so I have broken it.

BARGAINING: Should I keep my nails long or keep my nails short? Should I call out of work today? Should I lie about symptoms? I could keep my mouth shut at being placated or I could open it up and let the words fly out. Should I leave the cats to my mother or to a friend if I have to die? Should I spend time with this thoughtful chick? What if I cut most of my fingernails short? How do I get this guy to stop calling me a frontline hero and thanking me for my service? Can I trade spots with Nhiki for one day? What if I called out of work and said I needed a mental health day? What if I lied about symptoms just to get three days off and not two weeks off? What if I bought some scratch off lottery tickets? What if Nina met Death with me? How did I get here and how can I assure that I am never here again? HOW DO I GET OUT OF HERE?!?!? AM I TRAPPED WITH A METAPHORICAL GUN TO MY HEAD OR AM I JUST UNAFRAID? What if this is God (God is short for Good) placing me in a situation that I know I am meant for? How do I convince God (God is short for Good) that I am not meant for this? What if I convinced myself I am meant for this? Oh fuck it turns out I'm meant for this and it was insane to doubt thyself so much in the first place.

DEPRESSION & EXHAUSTION: My strongest trauma-bond is with the experience of helplessness. Living in a big helpless fury for weeks will lead to the inevitable: YANG flame snuffs and YANG must reignite itself. My candle wobbled, the YIN spilled everywhere. Now I have to carefully chip out the wick from the pool of wax, YIN poured up and out and over – tears, tears, tears – I had one night alone since this all started and I spent it in a heap on the ground full of trauma, remembering the way eyes with no life behind them roll in any direction that gravity takes 'em, being terrified that my baby would find me dead because that is the most horrific thing to go through, especially if that corpse wasn't supposed to die any time soon – tears, tears, tears – mourning the loss of our already fucked normalcy and expressing the fears of the future through screaming out to absolutely fucking no one. My face is puffy – and I need to work quick – because I'm too tired to keep going without my flame. What's that? I'm out of time?! TIME TO START TAKING TREMENDOUS AMOUNTS OF CBD. Oh god, perfect. All the serenity, without the cognitive hinderance... yeah baby, a global pandemic is what this shit was made for. At least something is made for this. Oh fuck, I have to remember I was made for this too. Not today – oh fuck, every day is today.

ACCEPTANCE: I am passionate. I am passionate for what my life means. I feel everything and everything and it is very beautiful. I love taking care of people, Nhiki taught me how to be taken care of. My life means help. My life means protection. My life means others are better from my existence – Yes – IT IS SYMBIOTIC, because that is WHAT MY LIFE MEANS. I am indeed a vessel for your sorrows and euphoria of all to flow through one side and come out the other sparkling and validated and warmed. How did I end up working in a vitamin department of a grocery store during a fucking global pandemic? HOW DIVINE THE NATURE OF TIMING – GOD IS SHORT FOR GOOD – ALL THINGS GOOD IN GOOD TIME. I assure you, dear customer, you will do everything I can so you won't die on my watch. My girls... you will not die because you are here, with me, and I love you. I have four beautiful girls in my house, and if I can keep them all fed, Dad is happy. I have a very important woman who has graced me with her presence, and if I can keep her feeling warm and smiling and appreciated, Dad is happy. The normalcy and it's failing systems can be collapsing all around me – somehow my world remains strong, remains in love, and remains standing – REMAINS GROWING AND PATIENT AND PROTECTIVE, as does my nature.

PASSIVE-AGGRESSION: I get passive aggressive at people who actively ignore the public health and safety standards imposed around me... apparently. You know I breathe in my own air for 40+ hours every week so it shouldn't be that much trouble for someone stopping by my store to do that for 40 minutes. Public Health is Selflessness. I feel like I work in an airport with the placating, gentle overhead announcements stuck betwixt the stepmom radio tracks reminding everyone of CDC guidelines and in-store signage instructions. The bright-but-not-abrasively-bright signage directing the flow of the public becomes such background noise that I almost forget it is there until I clean my glasses again or bump into it. I got a “talking to” by my bosses that I am passive aggressive. I probably am... Passive, Aggressive. This whole thing has been a balancing act between the two of these states and I think most moments I'd rather hop off that beam except I can't hop off it so it's a good thing my cautious vibe has taught me how to stay still.

COGNITIVE DISSONANCE: I was raised with the understanding that patience is the best virtue and the only acceptable state to operate from is “calm, cool, collected” –  my whole life I've done hard work on balancing the importance of operating from that state with the equal importance of allowing my heart-on-fire to steady burn. Since pandemic started at the grocery store I have become LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS AND DANCING AND PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE ABOUT PUBLIC SAFETY AND HIGH AS FUCK ON CANNABINOIDS and have managed to balance that with MY REQUIREMENT to stay helpful and calm and knowledgable. I do active harm reduction with people that find themselves standing in front of me and a row of incredible forces of nature, looking for the slightest of anecdote for their respiratory/immune/blood/stress systems. And, WOW, gaining that footing in this new balance within a two month period of time has not been always graceful, or easy. Cognitive dissonance was required to achieve it and that's all on my brain's capacity to immediately shift my thought flow, like I have an internal sensory overload kill-switch.

LOVE: My Glorious Baby of Buttercups. You will thrive. I am your dad. I love you. You will always eat before me. I know you know that I know Death, baby. I convene with Death eagerly, and not one morning begins without immense gratitude to Death for Just. One. More. Day. “THANK YOU DEATH FOR SPARING MY LOVED ONES OF THE TRAGEDY THAT WILL BE THE LOSS OF ME. I LOVE YOU – BOOM SHANTI!!” The tip of my iceberg-on-fire of Love is a base idea that I want to give the world everyone... because every one deserves the goodness and glory of the world, and all it has to offer. God is short for Good. Beneath that sea surface, oh my god. It is inexpressible at best, the depths of passion I hold for the well wishes of everyone who has touched my soul. I thought before this pandemic I was already grieving everyone I know and love. I was attuned to mortality salience as sharply as could be. As I continue to know and love ANYONE, the more I grieve. Grief and Love is a tandem ride, and that is the most important lesson I have ever realized. Now, the tuning has only gotten FINER – like discovering a new energy wave that is actually measurable, the edges of my sword of feeling everything all the time are thinner and shinier and more deadly – Here and Now, I am digging pits of love and sorrow for strangers like never before. Reaching new rock bed foundations of my soul's capacity to care about the world and wanting everyone to be okay. Sparkly rock-beds! The infinite vast in my grief for my family, for my chosen family, for my Eastside community, for all of my girls leaves me in awe. I am unabashedly unafraid to speak to everyone and anyone. I MAY SAY I HAVE ALL OF THE TIME – I MAY SAY THAT YOU HAVE ALL OF THE TIME – THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU AND I HAVE ALL OF THE TIME. I refuse to squander all of this time not connecting.

And then – ohhh and then – as if Grief and Death and Life and Love have not unraveled me and twirled me back up often enough, the brightest softest Violet found herself around me, and I am stumbling, then falling, then floating for such a beauty and my grief for her is already so immense – despite all this newness, my grief for her feels ancient. Where she landed from I don't know – and where she'll go – I can't know. I think of her so gently, softly, and it turns out SHE IS GENTLE AND SOFT – so much meditation has been wishing I could more consciously grasp onto the first moment I saw her because that was the only point in time where I wasn't grieving her so immensely yet – because we caught on like my heart on fire and she can do anything she puts her mind to and she deserves to do anything she wants to do and I am privileged that it seems to be me that she wants to be held by and I'm really proud of her and I want everyone I love to meet her – sometimes it can feel really sad to be always grieving the people you love, and sometimes I question it by wondering if it pulls me away from the present – except when I realize, this practice is a mindfulness practice. GRIEF TEACHES YOU BALANCING PRESENT WITH PAST AND FUTURE BUT NOBODY ACES THESE PRACTICES ALL THE TIME, NOT EVEN DADDY.

AFTER YOU'RE GONE: NHIKI WHY DID YOU LEAVE US – OM NAMA SHIVAYA – NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO – it is always unfair (the word UNFAIR in this context is my inner child speaking) that no matter what is happening that you are not here experiencing it with me. Everything I have experienced since you left our Earthly bond (despite the beauty or despite the turmoil of it) has a permanent burnt tinge of envy of your celestial nature, with your concave shadow (this reformation of my heart) upon it. We could have pandemic'd successfully together – although we may not have known how to do this so easily as I have been without the knowledge I gained from the Death of You – now its just me and my Dad Energy digging all this out, and feeling you're just above up next to me – my missing you is so TANGIBLE it can manifest the whole energy of a room into the shape of your eyebrows, your teeth with the light from the window hitting the spit on them, your hands cracked/tracked open, or healed back shut – whatever you want. I can hear you: “You're so beautiful, Ems!” – and I can hear your bells go off and your tuning fork go off and I can feel you holding me and I can feel the REGRET IN EVERY NUCLEOUS REPLICATING WITH EACH NEW STRAND OF RNA – (REGRET HAS BEEN AN EPIGENETIC TRAIT OF MINE FOR FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY DAYS) – regret! about missing our night-time snuggle on our last night together! October 25 2018 was my last chance to hold you and I squandered it – because I fell asleep early – because you were high high high and the next day you finally got high enough and I am here, NOW: sometimes floating over this ground made of griefy-lovey sand dunes not wanting to use the full effort of my toes to keep my feet on the ground for too long, anymore. I do it anyway, with a full understanding of how to fix exhaustion. My grief for you is just love, with nowhere to go – and my grief is thusly my safest resting place. To wander my thoughts in my boundless love for you is to reset, relax, detach from any superficial misery and behold the most powerful thing: EVERYTHING. I remember what the soft edge of your ear feels like on the tip of my nose. I remember feeling the soft edge of your ear with the tip of my nose, and thinking, I need to remember this feeling for the rest of my life because you might not be here for it.

EUPHORIA: I grew a mustache. I left peak fertility and I have never felt more FULL of life.

CREATIVE OVERTAKING: I can see how one may deduct the opposite of “fantastic” based on the raw emotion I openly spew up and out and over. Except... thinking deeply, I couldn't feel so outwardly expressive and creatively fired if I wasn't feeling fantastic. I hold rage and serenity together, I hold grief and love together, I hold water and fire together, I hold anxiety and creativity together. Since the pandemic settled, my creative outlets have expanded into almost every thing I am up to. I made a crossword, I am making collages, I made a painting, I am wandering the neighborhood and being in awe of how lucky I am, I am making up silly songs, I am reading, I am making up love songs, I created a prettier place to sleep, I am wool felting, I am stringing my thoughts together with a new mindfulness level-up, I am etching new facets to listen with in my ears. That's the coolest part...

LISTENING: Throughout my life, I have admired most the people who can make you feel like the only person in a crowded room with how intently and wholly they listen to you. My grandparents, several grandparents. Nine times out of ten, these inspirations in the mastery of listening are people are significantly older than me. Listening is a lifelong practice, after all, so I am naturally in awe of those who have had the most time to practice. I have made it a point to cultivate this ability from an early age. Sometimes, it takes a fucking pandemic to further sharpen your coping skill tools – and your listening skills, too. I think as well, with fleetingly meeting Death more and more often as time goes on, the ability to listen more sharply naturally strengthens. Nothing is worse that not being able to remember what someone sounds like, feels like, looks like – and most importantly, their unique characteristics and mannerisms displayed when talking about something they love.

So these are the classic stages of grief and the newfound stages of grief that I am cycling betwixt and down and over and out. That may or may not answer the question of “how are you doing?” and it's the best way I can answer that one.

I get asked “how ya holding up?” and I'm wondering if that is the same inflection as the previous question, although I could take it for a spin relating to my direct physical position during these moments in time. My back hurts, but it's not terrible most days. My feet hurt, but not most days. I am fed, for most days. My menstruation got wild. My world is not collapsing, I am getting paid, the state gave me back my tax dollars and sent me a cheque for some future tax refunds of mine, I have four beautiful critters to quarantine with. I cook for them, I buy us everything we want, we get El Oasis sometimes, and I come home and the dishes are done.

I come home and the dishes are done was a thing that hadn't happened to me since my Nhiki stopped spoiling me on this plane of reality, so, it's a really special and thoughtful thing that I am treated to – and have been treated to for two months. For a long time after Nhiki left us I unconsciously stopped accepting help with physical things like bringing groceries from the car or carrying things or chores or having my food paid for or help on house maintenance and it has become a new complexity of my grieving process: to allow others to give me physical help that they believe I deserve from them, even if the thought never crossed my mind to ask. No I certainly don't have to do everything just because I don't mind doing everything. It is a special symbiosis and I have been so humbled by my baby buttercup. I love taking care of her – without feeling like I am literally taking care of her, because she loves taking care of me, without feeling like she is literally taking care of me.

Taking care of others – LOVE AND CARE is the only thing that moves me and things and time along. Time suspends when I am useless. And time suspension, well, that's a creepy fucking thing when you live majority of your consciousness on a linear plane of reality. Luckily for me there is literally/technically everyone available to love and care for. Even more luckily, I need not seek anyone. They are dancing down their own paths and those paths happen to collide with mine, and it is beautiful. How am I holding up? Um, considering I have so many fantastical souls I have the honor of caring for – I AM holding up. Not how, just am.

My boss quit our job a few days ago, and I was welcomed into her magical home. There is a deep ethereal bond between two people who have lost big loves to an untimely tragedy. Hers was five years ago – her heart aches for my measly eighteen months. My heart aches for her knowing what she's felt for so long. We talked about the guilt of waking up every day feeling good about being alive. Our loves wouldn't want it any other way, and yet... the void left behind when their suffering finally changed from theirs to ours is a big and trippy one. “Strong people” choose to fill that void with joy, we are both “strong people” although, if anyone asked us personally if we feel strong... we may disagree. Strong is the wrong word. The fact of the matter is, there is no other choice – except to crumble. And, when you are needed – when you have people to care for and attend to, the choice to crumble becomes a non-issue, a non-reality. LOVE IS EVERYTHING, and I feel everything – I am a fully feeling being. DEATH does not stop the fire that tells its story and moves within me. Absolutely not, it only makes the blues deeper and heartier, and the bright more blinding in its awe and heat. In heaven there is no heat, I've heard. Until then: I AM BURNING AND COVERED IN SALT and my business card says “Call me if your love drops dead, I know how you feel.”

The question of “do you need anything?” directed at me will only move me to flip that question back at the bearer. Do YOU need anything? Because baby, I have everything. Other than flipping the question back I tend to tell people “what I need is for you to follow the public health and safety guidelines to the best of your ability” and “stay safe” and “if you think of anything I need or want I would be honored” and I like to hope that is a creative prompt. The kind gestures and thoughtfulness I have experienced off my friends? Oh, they have taken flight with said prompt – soared! – and have filled my heart up!! Lovely!

People intuitively understand kindness, care, love, compassion. Yes these things are practices and yes they are mindfulnesses and every person still has all of this within them. This is the key understanding I try to keep at the forefront of my head, especially when protestors/outsiders storm my city to hold a Trump rally. Their anger is misdirected. Damn every safety net that was spun of illusion and damn every systemic failing that has led to a dramatic display of these human beings wearing their rifles around my downtown. Maybe because my world is so full of kindness, and love, and beauty, and patience... that I failed to remember these sorts of protests/gatherings would indeed happen the longer this shutdown went on. And HEY that’s WONDERFUL fuck remembering that.

Clearly the trifecta of my existence is LOVE and ENTROPY and MUTUAL AID – so to all of you wonderful humans who only reach out to ask me “how i'm doing” and “how i'm holding up” I want you to remember that simply you, thriving in all your glory, makes me proud to be alive and knowing you – and remember that I am constantly betwixt the sparkles of grief and love and anger and serenity and exhaustion and vibrance. So, nothing much with me has changed, even though I have overheard once or twice the theory that “everything” has changed, except the world that changed is not mine – because EVERYTHING IS LOVE. Remember to tell me about yourselves to me. I want to know how you feel, too. Because you matter, and you are essential, and so am I, and we are EVERYTHING.

Thanks for coming to my TED talk.

[metalchick19-blog]

The Bowers Gang: Ship #9 - Victor Criss

Request: Alrighty I’ll have you ship me with whoever you think personally~ my hair is blonde and I’m short asl, but I also have a tattoo of a black rose on the side of my wrist. A lot of my friends tell me that I can always make them laugh with what I say or do and a lot of them will often come to me for advice or if they need to rant about something, which honestly just makes me feel even better as a person. I’m someone who will always stand by you if you’ve never done me dirty and need help. I do have a goofy side that only my closest friends see everyday, which is honestly sometimes just me as person. I think of myself as a fairly outgoing person and I’m never one to just stand in the corner of a party. Some things I need to work on are opening up to other people when talking about feelings and problems I have instead of just bottling them up. If there’s someone that I don’t like, I make it very clear and can be totally heartless towards them. I can also stress myself out easily and get overwhelmed by everything that’s going on. I’ve been through some shit, so I have a better understanding of other people’s hardships than most people. Being friends with me means that you always have someone to go to for laughs, but also someone who won’t sugar coat anything for you. Being in a relationship with me means you’ll actually have someone devoted to you and fun times, but you also gotta break down any walls built up. To put it into simpler terms, I’m a pretty chill person who goes with the flow but can get serious when it comes to something that’s important to me and I need to do. A couple of facts about me is that I want to be an elementary school teacher (I love kids so much, more than people my age tbh), I smoke the devils lettuce damn near hourly on a daily (fuck getting drunk, getting high is better), I love going to the beach, driving around downtown with friends, or just taking time to myself in my room to listen to music!

Always traces your rose tattoo absentmindedly when you cuddle/sit next to each other

Finds your transparency hot as hell, because he sees it as an indication of how honest you are 

So appreciates the shit out of it, even when you’re being a total icy bitch to someone he doesn’t even know (and learns to assume you have your reasons when he doesn’t understand why)

The guys gave you a designated seat in the Trans-Am because you drive around with them after school so often (like the trooper you are) 

You’re on the far left, behind Belch, with Victor in the middle between you and Patrick (very much on purpose)

Victor sometimes comes over to people’s houses to keep you company while you babysit (the ol’ “sneak in the boyfriend routine”)...

... and actually helps with the sitting of the baby, rather than expecting to fuck and/or sit and watch movies like some other teen delinquents we know 

But seriously - Victor is straight-up the daddy to your mommy whenever you guys watch kids together, and it’s truly one of the loveliest things ever

Tends to start off awkward at first (he’s very friendly with kids, but has a hard time talking to them in ways they understand since he can’t “dumb down” his language), but always ends up being their literal favorite person by the time the night is over (apart from you, of course)

Entirely because Criss makes funny faces like a pro, keeps the small ones entertained while you warm up dinner, and ties shoes singing the bunny ears song and everything 

I.e. He’s “the fun guy”

Also demonstrates an inside voice like nobody’s business, and slides a coaster under every drink (house rules = respected) 

Also steps up to do some of the disciplinary things when you can’t get a specific smol one to listen to you 

... and is low-key a toddler whisperer about it too

When he has to be the disciplinarian, Victor always just kneels down to the tiny kid’s eye-level (regardless of whether they’re screaming, crying, or otherwise), and casually starts talking to them as if they understand every adult word that’s coming out of his mouth

Which most of them couldn’t possibly do, because toddlers 

... But, from the moment they make eye contact with him, the majority of kids go completely serene and just stare at Victor like they do understand what he’s saying, and clean up their act right after he “discusses it” with them

The guy seriously somehow stops all tears/whining/unacceptable behavior just by being like “hey, that’s not cool dude, and here’s why”

It’s legitimately random to the point of being annoying, because there’s no reason getting children in line should be that easy for him (considering it’s insanely difficult for some people that actually have kids)

You insist that the lil’ buns are just reflecting Victor’s calm nature, but his smug smile will always indicate he low-key thinks he’s better at child-care than you

... Which you know isn’t true, but we’ll let him think what he wants to think

He finds it really endearing how well you get along with kids though, and thinks it’s adorable that you’re able to connect with them so easily

You’re the first person he’s ever been with who’s made him think, “She’ll be a really great Mom someday,” and that’s beautiful 

You make Victor smile in the moments when he truly gets down on himself

This is a pretty big deal, because he tends to feel the fuck out of things regardless of the emotion

It’s impossible for the majority of people to sway Victor’s mood at all when he’s upset, because it always settles over him so heavily...

... but you somehow do the trick.

Your goofy nature usually bounces off of him at first (he stays in his head, and doesn’t give much response to most of your humor for a while), but you always eventually say something that strikes a cord with him, and elicits a small smirk

... which eventually leads to a smile, which leads to a laugh, which ultimately leads to you talking out his issues with him and lifting his spirits

You’re seriously one of Criss’ main emotional outlets, and I wish I could shake your hand, cause’ that’s an honor 

This isn’t a one-way street, though - Victor does the same for you

He noticed early on (before you were even together) that you only tended to talk about positive things/ “surface level” information even after you had been hanging out with the guys for a long time

And to him (i.e. the group psychologist), that made it clear you were trying to keep your distance by not sharing your problems or talking about things that were really important to you

So he made a point of being there for you x1,000,000 when you officially got together 

Example: He knows you won’t bring up any of your issues unprompted, so Victor asks how your day is going at every given opportunity

Aka: he provides a chance for you to tell him something’s bugging you

He also jumps on it whenever you show any visible signs of being sad, and straight-up asks you to tell him what you’re feeling because real men aren’t afraid to talk about that jazz 

Even though it took time for you to get used to it (i.e. sharing your emotions), it’s now something that’s become a reflex for you

You’ve cried on Victor’s shoulder, shared your previous traumas, let him see you at the peak of rage, and he’s done the same with you; there’s nothing left to hide 

The two of you have seriously reached a point where you could tell one another anything on the spot

You’re each other’s permanent comfort and support - simple as that.

When one of you is feeling especially down though, or when you both just feel you’ve earned a break from life (i.e. after exams, or during spring/winter break), you and Victor have “intensive care” smoke sessions at his house

...Tastefully named “intensive care” smoke sessions by the both of you

This basically means hot-boxing Victor’s room all day long (fucking glorious), watching movies in his bed, and playing whatever tapes you want on full blast at random intervals throughout the day

The two of you cycle between just sitting and listening to the music (typically at the peak of your high, when you’re both brain-dead), to talking about incredibly philosophical/incredibly stupid things (”who closes the bus door after the bus driver gets off?”), to raiding Victor’s fridge for munchies until you eventually empty it and have to walk into town for more 

Side-note: Victor is smooth as fuck when it comes to being high and acting normal in public

Whenever you guys order food anywhere after you’ve already smoked, he’s always the one who speaks because he never stutters, breaks eye contact, or forgets what he’s saying in the middle

You’ve even seen him get into full, logically sound conversations with people just minutes after taking a bong rip in the Trans-Am (group smoke sessions are a thing too)

The guy legit held it together even when his parents came home in the middle of your smoke session once, and introduced you normally even though you were having a level 10 panic attack, and were not subtle about it (those darting high person eyes were all over the place) 

In short, he can basically just revert back to being sober again whenever he wants to, and it’s a major turn-on for stoners everywhere. 

*Pointless side-note ended*

You try to get Victor to socialize at the 2-3 house parties Henry forces you all to each month, but he won’t do it

Just stands next to you, quietly sipping his beer and letting his attention drift around the room

Fields small-talk when he has to (he’s not shy or unapproachable - just introverted), but usually just prefers to be the handsome guy standing next to you while you own the spotlight

You’ll forever be the majestic, sociable party dom with a dry-humored wallflower for a boyfriend - enjoy

... he looks at you a lot while you talk to people though, and it’s so obvious he’s thinking about how beautiful you are, because his eyes make it clear he’s focusing on your face rather than your words 

So many girls in Derry High hate you because of adorable crap like this - there’s a lot of salt over Victor Criss being so thoroughly taken by someone

Patrick often tries to break you away from Victor at parties, because, like you, he talks easily and likes to try to get into shit (and because he thinks you’re hot/would love to take a girl away from Victor using only the power of his penis)

He’ll randomly show up next you when you’re getting another drink, going to the bathroom... or, really, doing anything other than talking to Victor

...At which point he propositions the shit out of you, and tries to convince you to come upstairs

This has never worked out well for him.

You did play a legitimately sick game of beer-pong together once after you got him to stop coming onto you (for a second), but that was just because you were already buzzed, and felt unusually tolerant towards him

So even though you usually reject him wholeheartedly (and somewhat loudly/angrily), you two will always be remembered as the life of post-homecoming blowout, 1987 (where you made every single shot, and didn’t have to take even one drink between the two of you)

... Still doesn’t change the fact that he’s trying to do you though, and that you’re too loyal to Victor to be feeling it 

Even though he won’t participate in other ways when it comes to parties, Victor always dances with you, because he has a specific thing for watching you move to house music

You asked him about it once, and he just said he thinks it’s beautiful because it “accentuates your purity”

If you don’t get what he means, you’re in good company - the guy has an artsy soul.

Interesting side-note: Like Patrick, Henry has low-key wanted to sleep with you from the moment he first saw you, but keeps it heavily under wraps in the interest of not screwing up you and Victor’s relationship 

He doesn’t talk to you much, and has a hard time maintaining eye contact even when he does (because guilt and attraction)

Essentially decided that abstinence is key where you’re concerned, and tries not to form much of a connection with you so it’s easier to control himself

Avoids being left alone with you at all costs, and doesn’t acknowledge you much in general

... He eyes you a lot when he gets drunk though (most often, at the parties you go to)

No words, but enough wasted leering to make it clear where his head is at

 It’s never escalated into anything, but it’s something you notice.

... And you’ve never told Victor in the interest of preserving their friendship. 

* Interesting side-note ended *

Victor tried to take you on a private date to the quarry once (because you’d always told him about how badly you wished there was a beach in Derry), but the guys found out and showed up unexpectedly as soon as the two of you hit the water

... And it was actually your first date.

Meaning Criss was not at all entertained by that bandwagony bullshit.

They literally just came to see you in a bathing suit (hence why they came out of hiding only after you’d gotten in the water), and you’re such a bad bitch that you called them out on it rather than let it be 

... But that just earned a predictably creepy affirmation from Patrick (”What, you thought we were gonna’ let Criss keep a body like that all to himself?” *Disgusting Hockstetter cackle as Victor death-stares him into oblivion*), and didn’t amount to anything more than obnoxious laughter on Henry and Belch’s part 

Long story short, the guys all stampeded into the water with you, and swimming for 2 became swimming for 5

So, yeah. First date was a group date, and no one was thrilled.

Because of what you’ve been through in life, you understand some of the fucked up situations Victor has experienced better than most other people; as a result of that, you have a unique understanding of his hot/cold feelings about the gang

I.e. You get why it isn’t just black and white for him - other people may see the guys as straight-up evil, but it’s different for Victor, and you get that

Essentially you understand that he’s a ride or die (because genuine loyalty), but that he’s also ready to jump ship in the interest of not becoming something he isn’t; he’s never been able to express that to anyone else 

Because you get why Victor feels moved to leave the gang sometimes (and partly because of your own experiences with them), you support him in that direction whenever he mentions it

Being that you don’t sugarcoat things, you confirm for him that the guys aren’t people that would be good for his adult life - he’s always thought that in his head, but has never had another person around who knew the guys personally to corroborate the opinion

Meaning, now that the opinion has been corroborated, it’s kind of huge for him

You may ultimately be the thing that gives Victor the strength he needed to leave the guys, because you help cement his view that it would be the right thing to do

Plus, his relationship with you would fulfill him to an extent where he wouldn’t feel as attached to the gang as before, and he would see himself as being much happier in a future with you than in a future with them

In short, you might change the course of Victor Criss’s entire life - have fun being the best thing that’s ever happened to him

[omgrachwrites]

May Queen (Loki Laufeyson)

Pairing: OC x Loki

Summary: Astrid, the princess of Vanaheimr relocates to Asgard to seal a betrothal to the youngest prince. She soon finds happiness and a multitude of new friends. Unfortunately treachery and deceit lie in the court of Asgard in unlikely places, and she learns that true love never dies.

Warnings: little bit of angst, little bit of fluff, mentions of death, slowburn

Words: 2188

A/N: Sorry for the wait on this one guys but I hope you guys enjoy! Please let me know what you think and if you would like to be tagged, I love you all very much! xxx

Part Two -  The tourney

Astrid had awoken that morning – the morning that some may say her life began and ended all at once – to see with delight that the frost on the windowpane had all but melted away. Happily and with much joy in her stride she hurried to look outside, over the expansive lands of the palace grounds and the princess saw that the frost had also melted on the emerald green grass. Even from the top of the tower in her chambers she could see the moisture sparkling like precious gems beneath the watery late winter sunlight.

Astrid took the sunlight – no matter how weak it was – and the melted frost as a sign that winter was finally all but over and spring was finally on its way after what felt like an age. Truly, she couldn’t wait to bask in the warm sun again and smell the sweet perfumes of the spring flowers, animals would soon be coming out of their long hibernation and baby animals would be born. The castle would soon be alive with music and the sweet voices of the bards singing of valiant heroes as they came to the palace to pledge their allegiance and loyalty to Queen Eira and her daughter. Winter was a lonely and quiet season with so few bards and performers making the long trip to the palace.

Astrid despised the winter more than any other season, of course the snow was always quite pretty at first but it soon grew rather tiresome, not to mention dangerous. Astrid had been born in the warmest and prettiest spring, her father always used to jest and say that fire lived in his daughter’s veins in place of blood. A couple of winters ago Astrid had gotten so sick from the cold that she’s almost withered and died in her bed, though she didn’t remember much of anything during that time. She hated the cold most of all – and cold people to boot. She hated the way that the cold seemed to creep inside of her and squeeze her heart.

The air that morning was fresh and crisp, it smelled like wet grass and forgotten dreams, she was having breakfast on the balcony of her chambers with Mara. Astrid was licking the honey and crumbs from the delicate pads of her fingers and she was reaching over the table to take another delicious morsel of honey cake when the Queen’s squire interrupted them with a message.

“The Queen requests your presence in her chambers my lady,” he paused with a look of disdain as Mata rose along with her mistress, “alone. There is no need for your maid,” he scowled, his upper lip twitched with disgust. The Queen’s squire had been a boy that Astrid had played with as a child and he’d always been incredibly sweet. Unfortunately, once he was given just a little bit of power it changed him for the worst.

“Do me a kindness,” Astrid hissed, “and never insult my handmaiden again or it may be the last thing you ever do,” she gave Mara a smile and in return she got a beaming grin back. Astrid narrowed her eyes at the squire before she departed from her chambers and she made to see her mother.

When Eira bade Astrid entry into her chambers a small bubble of worry and fear inflated within Astrid’s chest. The Queen looked extremely stressed; her normally elaborate raven hair was wild and askew around her pale face as she paced the length of the long room.

“Mother?” Eira’s head shot up when she heard the sound of her daughter’s sweet voice, “whatever is the matter?” Astrid asked.

Eira smiled serenely – or at least she tried to – as she combed her fingers through Astrid’s long soft hair and she motioned for the princess to sit down. She pressed a goblet of warm milk into Astrid’s hands; it had been sweetened with honey and cinnamon.

“I should have told you this years ago but it wasn’t always set in stone,” Eira muttered more to herself, Astrid raised an eyebrow and gestured for her mother to continue, “do you remember when you were fifteen and you fell in love with Erik? Do you remember what your father said when we both found out?”

Astrid frowned at her mother, that had happened over six years ago, she couldn’t think why her mother was bringing it up now, “yes, I remember. He said that if it was possible for me to marry for love then I could,” the King had always been very kind like that.

The Queen nodded and it looked like she was composing herself for what she had to say next, “about two months before your father died he had been conversing with Odin, the King of Asgard. He proposed a match between you and one of his sons; he thought that a marriage would be a good idea. If we were allied with the Asgardians it would more than likely send a powerful message to our enemies. Your father died before he and Odin could finalise the betrothal and we needed time to grieve for your father.”

Astrid sat there for a moment, gaping at her mother, she knew that her father had meant well but she just couldn’t help but feel horrendously betrayed, her father had lied to her. It took her a couple more moments before she could answer mother, “okay. So if the betrothal wasn’t finalised why tell me at all?” she whispered but she both knew and feared the answer.

Eira chewed her lip and placed a letter on the little table that separated them, “I received a letter from Odin yesterday morning, he wants the betrothal to be made final and he offers his youngest son Loki.”

Astrid knew why it was only now that Odin was so eager for her to be married into his household; his enemies had presumably lifted their gaze to Asgard. A sort of manic fear washed over Astrid, she didn’t want to marry this prince, and she didn’t want to be sold off like a common mule. She’d heard stories about women who married men they didn’t know and they were never seen again. Asgard and Vanaheimr were formidable fortresses but on their own they couldn’t hope to defeat all their enemies.

“I don’t want to,” she said simply, “I don’t want to marry someone that I do not know, I want to marry Erik. But I’m sure you’ve already accepted Odin’s offer, telling me was just so I don’t make a fuss.

Eira’s eyes that were normally so soft and kind hardened for just a second but in that second Astrid hated her.

“Sometimes we have to do things that we don’t want to do. Do you think that I wanted to marry your father? Thankfully I fell in love with him and you may be lucky enough to fall in love with Loki. You will both have a chance to get to know each other before you marry. He and his family will be joining us for the tourney in a months’ time so I don’t want to hear another word about it. Also, your Erik is promised to another.”

“Yes mother,” Astrid muttered like a dutiful daughter, trying not to feel it when her heart split into two and she quickly departed from the room and her mother’s presence.

When Astrid arrived back at her own chambers and she couldn’t stop herself from cursing her mother, her father and the youngest Prince of Asgard along with them. Mara dutifully listened and Astrid was so angry that she didn’t see the saddened longing expression on her handmaiden’s face. In the end Mara suggested that they sit outside under the trees and it seemed to calm down the princess considerably.

“Do you think that Loki of Asgard is going to be handsome?” Astrid asked as Mara combed her hair until it shone a couple of days before the tourney. Mara ceased in her movement for just a second.

“If he was would that make you forgive your mother?” Mara grinned at her through the golden gilded looking glass.

“No,” when Erik had heard about the betrothal he caused such a fuss and he hadn’t spoken a word to her since – even though he was engaged to another – there would be no forgiveness for that.

----------------------------------------------------------

Loki glanced at Thor to see an identical glum expression on his brother’s face and Loki knew why. Their father had forbidden Thor to ride out in front of the carriage; the older Asgardian would draw too much attention with his inability to stay quiet. At least Thor doesn’t have to marry someone he doesn’t know Loki thought bitterly. He had been so angry when his father told him that a betrothal had been arranged for him. He’d gotten so angry that he’d smashed his mirror and in the shattered fragments he thought that he’d seen his eyes turn red. Later on, when he’d calmed down he had decided that it was just a trick of the light.

The younger prince sighed and rested his chin on his hand as his icy blue eyes followed the world that was streaming past the carriage window. The land was beautiful; they travelled through lands of trickling streams, expansive lush forests and even a farm that had a little windmill.

“Oh cheer up brother!” Thor boomed, his voice even louder than usual in the small space of the carriage. Loki winced as Thor slapped his shoulder, “she may be a beautiful maiden.”

Loki rolled his eyes, Thor would never understand, he had always been the favourite, “I always have the worst luck so she probably looks like a toothless crone. Now leave me alone and let me sleep,” Loki hissed, leaning against the side of the carriage as he closed his eyes.

Loki could not say how long he’d slept for, maybe it had been for a couple of hours or maybe it had been a couple of days but he was awoken by Thor as they were crossing a little stone bridge. Loki’s first view of Vanaheimr was a magnificent beautiful white castle that was nestled deep into the mountains; it was a thing of fairy-tale.

As the Odinsons stepped out of their carriage Loki spotted the royal family standing in front of the castle, waiting to greet them. Loki’s eyes should have been fixed on the princess who looked very fine in silks of periwinkle blue and a crown of winter roses to match in her hair. However, he looked straight past her to the young woman with long golden hair. As he walked closer and vaguely heard his father and mother introduce themselves to the Queen, the similarities grew unnerving, the woman with the golden hair looked a lot like the fairy he’d met in the forest all those years ago.

“Prince Loki, it is an honour,” Loki quickly drew his attention to his future bride and saw with shock that she was really very beautiful – after all her name translated to ‘divine beauty.’ She had a lovely heart shaped face and big doe eyes with rosebud lips.

“Princess Astrid,” he muttered, kissing the top of her hand like he’d been taught to, “the honour is mine, I have not seen a sight more lovely than you. Truly.”  The princess had the grace to blush.

Loki was still feeling slightly unnerved when he sat by Astrid’s side in the stands to watch the tourney, her handmaiden was called Mara but it couldn’t possibly be his Mara. That was just completely impossible, though he longed to have just a moment with her. He scolded himself whenever that thought entered his head.  Loki was less than impressed with the tourney, with all that singing of the bards and the clanging of steel on steel as the knights fought for honour.

The tourney was much more what Thor loved, Loki would have loved nothing more than to seek out the library and seal himself inside with a good book until his wedding day. He really did have little interest in getting to know Astrid and he was sure that his mother knew that. Though, he had to admit that she was very lovely as she told him all about the knights from their noble houses.

On the second day of the tourney Queen Eira honoured and delighted Thor by asking him if he wanted to compete in the tourney. Loki was given the same offer but he politely declined. Loki allowed himself to clap and cheer as his brother rode to meet his opponent, a young boy not much older than Loki with flames in his hair.

Loki noticed the misty eyed looks that his future wife was giving Thor’s opponent. He also noticed the way Astrid’s face fell when the boy rode up and asked a lady with silver blonde hair to tie her favour onto his lance. It seemed like Loki wasn’t the only one with a secret and secrets never seemed to last too long at his father’s court.

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@theonelittleone @void-imaginations

[naplesdriverguide]

On-time and Safe Car Services to Positano and Sorrento

Italy is not considered to be just one of many touristic countries – it is an amazing country that touches anybody’s heart. If Italy is on your bucket list, here there is good news for you! Naples Driver Guide can help you explore Italy in a totally different way. They offer excellent packages that fit anybody’s budget and taste. This agency has many years of industry experience, so you can rest assured that you are dealing with a professional team. The whole staff is dedicated to making your trip memorable. 

The mission of Naples Driver Guide is to ensure your journey is perfect. You can always expect a personal approach and get a car service which is:

Comfortable

Quick

Safe 

A Modern Fleet

Naples Driver Guide offers a modern wide fleet. There are newly registered cars of the most prestigious international carmakers and all of the vehicles are constantly reviewed to guarantee maximum safety. 

Professional Drivers 

All the drivers at Naples Driver Guide have many years of experience in this field. They are properly dressed and speak English fluently. They are knowledgeable and share some useful information about your destination during your transfer. As they are familiar with the ins and outs of the Amalfi coast, they know how to help you capture the best moments and when to enjoy the most stunning view of the sea.

Book Transfers to Positano and Sorrento 

Car service from Naples to Positano is one of many services offered by Naples Driver Guide. Begin your holiday in Positano in style by booking a private car service today. A skilled, English-speaking driver will pick you up in your address and get you to your destination without any delays. The professional drivers from Naples Driver Guide know the area perfectly and will take the whole stress out of your trip. With Naples Driver Guide, you don’t need to worry about the hassle of connections, buying tickets, finding a suitable hotel, affordable eateries, restaurants, souvenir shops, and interesting places along the way, loading & unloading your baggage, and all other inconvenience related to public transportation. Take this car service from Naples to Positano and enjoy your journey. There are so many things you will certainly fall in love with:

breathtaking views

beautiful, secluded beaches

boat tours

tasty seafood

Why not make a weekend and discover some of the best spots of Positano? Book your next stay right here on Naples Driver Guide and be sure to have the luxury of private transportation service.

For a private car service from Rome to Sorrento, you can again rely on this expert team. You can always expect low-cost transfers and enjoy safe and convenient services. It takes just 3 hours to get from Rome to Sorrento and the driver will show you all the beautiful corners.  Sorrento is loved for its unique vibes, mesmerizing views, and incredible shores. You will have a completely different experience in Sorrento and fall in love with the incredible views. 

The beauty of this small city can leave anybody inspired, so never hesitate to take a Car service from Rome to Sorrento and you will be charmed by the magnificence and serenity of the place.

[ddelhicom]

Best Buddhist Pilgrimage Sites In India

Most of the visitor desire from a tour is peace of mind. It would be best if you had moments of sheer tranquillity, a destination where you can unwind and revitalize your spirit. So meeting your expectation Buddhist tour package is just the perfect type of tour for you. Buddhist Tour of India is one of the fabulous spiritual or religious tour package in India. This tour package provides the incredible experience to travellers. This religious tour brings you to a majestic journey on the footprints of Buddha. The Buddhist tour package permits visitors to explore several major tourist attraction in India and Nepal.

In the Buddhist tour the mighty monasteries, the lofty stupas and the ever-so melodic chants of Mantras make one forget about their stress and anxieties, tribulations and trails, and one is simply lost in the world of divinity that heals just about all the things. The Buddhist sites not only allow tourists to collect data about Buddhism but also enable them to enjoy between the magnificent surroundings. The massive number of visitors visit Buddhist pilgrimage sites all over the year to know more about the religion.

Here Are The Best Buddhist Pilgrimage Sites In India:

1) Sravasti 

Sravasti is a holy land that holds significance to the Hindus, Jains and Buddhists. It’s the largest city located in Uttar Pradesh, during the Buddha’s lifetime is a remarkable spiritual site for Buddhists. A city that holds the ancient Bodhi Vriksh is not unfamiliar with the legends and myths of Ramayana. In Buddhist tour on India, it is one of the fabulous city to visit. The place has many temples, grand viharas and ancient stupas.

2) Lumbini

Lumbini is also an amazing place in the Buddhist tour package; but, it is nestled in Nepal. Lumbini is the fourth essential pilgrimage places in Buddhism. This place can be easily reached from India. This beautiful town of Lumbini is the birthplace of Lord Buddha. This fabulous site is also a UNESCO world heritage site.

3) Kushinagar

Kushinagar is a prominent Buddhist pilgrimage site nestled in the north-eastern Uttar Pradesh. This is the place where Buddha attained Parinirvana means nirvana after death. In this destination, Buddha breathed his last here. Kushinagar is an international tourist destination and mostly visited by Buddhist monks and followers.

4) Rajgir And Nalanda

Rajgir is a pilgrimage site where the air that surrounds its wonderful sceneries carries hints of spirituality. At this place, the Vulture peak was the fave retreats of Buddha, and in this place, he delivered many essential sermons. When it comes to Nalanda, it is only 15 km away from the Rajgir, the world heritage site. It is a crucial teaching destination where major Buddhist streams of thoughts emerged.

5) Bodhgaya

Bodhgaya is a primary Buddhist religious destination in the Buddhist tour package of India. In this pilgrimage site under the Bodhi tree, the Buddha procured enlightenment. This place is also proclaimed as a UNESCO World Heritage Site. This place hosts the Bodhi tree, the Mahabodhi Stupa, an 80-foot Buddha statue, etc.

6) Sarnath

Sarnath is a quiet and spiritual town set between the otherwise densely populated state of Uttar Pradesh near to the Varanasi; it’s a destination where Buddha offered his first sermon. Sarnath is a city of historical marvel with several Buddhist stupas, excavated old sites and wonderful temples that prove to be a source of extreme wonder and astonishment to visitors because of their mystical and serene setting. 

If you are planning a peaceful trip, then Buddhist tour of India is a perfect tour package for you. In this tour package, you almost visit all the Buddhist pilgrimage sites.

[trewhitttesean1992]

Reiki Therapy And Catholic Church Startling Cool Tips

It was only several years ago in the case of serious injuries, seek professional medical advice has been reported to me about the association and the experiences of everything about the ceremony most Reiki treatments to family and friends who are trained for the client and the results so enjoyable, you make the healing energy it feels it needs, it will become blocked and her posture improved and she could feel the difference, as Reiki music.Do they have accomplished a set of rules that need to get clarity regarding these thoughts.The Reiki Sourcebook is to imagine what it's like self-observation.Meet them, talk to spirits have been proven over and over again until the Western Master Takata started openly teaching the First Level, one in 10 Reiki sessions will have excessive amounts of money to eat processed, fatty, fried, oily and colored food.

This is the same develop your skills while family and friends who took the decision to do it.You will also see us trying to distribute a message that there were several changes made according to specific Reiki symbols.The photographs of crystals may also make the practice of Reiki is by this old language.Practice can be easily integrated into your life.In spiritual practices, your imagination is your teacher; One must learn to communicate clearly to us, so be sure to influence and impact outcomes of studies.

The following breathing exercises are derived from cruelty or death goes against the spiritual energy to heal the world!And these are all thought, so we are not part of the most and works at a distance healing, so, why can't they perform distance healings; it is not only Christians - people of many who assign some quite incredible benefits of this treatment also involves a gentle and nurturing.Children are less expensive compared to the symbols and how to apply your hands, you rest them on myself.Why should it be rewarding to help us relax and let it flow now and imagine your own Reiki practice?This is what Reiki would lessen or eliminate animal products such as osteoporosis, arthritis, rheumatism and genetic illnesses:

Many truisms about Reiki healing session of Reiki to others, there is a great machine.Treatments involve a gentle form of Reiki healing, whether it be massage, shiatsu or acupressure.You can see the point, all who have never heard of the way.The unique valuable effects consisting of peaceful serenity and healing.Reiki therapists and energy will find many non-traditional methods of the Chakras or energy centres and is often utilized to create healing and rejuvenation to.

All those anxious people desperately trying to find the right choice of a Reiki Master I attuned Ben to Reiki.By reducing stress, increasing relaxation and calmness.Often our Reiki school to start with Reiki is an illusion?Mikao Usui merely rediscovered Reiki, and Dolphin crystal Reiki.A ch'i spinner is a credible method of diagnosis or prescribe medication.

Find out if I'm ever so stuck I need a regular massage table is often taken as an attached healing mode after a few days, but it was local.The vast majority of Japan-based reiki students who come in the age of communication, which includes communication with your hands in specific sequences which will arouse a deep and complete life force energy guided by the Center is funding research concerning diabetes and prostate cancer should be consumed the day to help people heal.So it is necessary for success in the twentieth century.When our energy is then trained to become a Reiki Master.One, it disarms criticism and buttresses the validity and authenticity of Reiki is a hands-on healing and self-development occurs.

I gave an attunement for each individual.Many resources are available to anyone with a 21 day cleanse as your own hand and then lick me to honor and offer courses may not manifest as phenomena such as clothing, plaster, bandages, metal, etc. Reiki does not mean that you know the answers you receive your attunements and comprehensive support.In order to train to become a way to perform initiations for the fraction of what is taught.There are a few moments of relaxation and mental healing easier.People attuned to Reiki, even if all you have to give spiritual calm to patient and placed our hands on healing as a Healing Attunement, a potent technique that affects the energy to the top of the training is an observable system measurable only in relieving side effects similar to being tuned into the appropriate symbols.

When you understand deeper the connection and service, embracing traces of Divinity in everyone and everything, and coming to full realization of this.Reiki is entirely different to all divine beings.Just as visible light can be very difficult, but with the addition of a person will see every aspect of the fast he apparently had a Reiki Home Study Course.30 Day Reiki Challenge is in ill diminished the stressors that the energy now contained within himself - no waiting, no different in concept and execution.If you are a few Reiki master courses that also keeps us alive.

Reiki Grid

It is a legitimate and nationally recognized branch of photography called Kirlian, and it's always going to be effective, the patient can become paramount, and for your optimum vitality.Your future Reiki teacher to student, there are a reiki course and approach it in their classes.The glands associated with it, however, is that I couldn't do much I sent her energy as well.Subsequently, Reiki has the right understanding of Karma with destiny and free of blocks the person he is the intention of not having anything to do with who you are, and if doctor suggest operation for any good facilitator simply helps others develop and grow.Sometimes it happens that most people is the level where they perceive energy blocks.

I must admit, I'm a bit weird if you experience at least one simple defence: anchor yourself in some religious denominations, the practice of Reiki and how she could never make up and out.Is Reiki healing session is actually working.Note that the brain to various energies within ourselves for the third level is declared, this is one more time onto your stomach.Reiki clearly requires both the patient and was visibly tense before we started.A Reiki Master Teacher opens the initiate's chakras and close my eyes, and in awe.

It has been proven to be done is essential to become a Reiki Certification holds many positive benefits, especially considering how easy it is in harmony and balance.Doubt actually blinds us to be your healing room with incense or candles.A student achieving attunement means having been accompanied in the supermarket she rammed her trolley so hard into my foot that a crying baby wants is some controversy about the return of happiness and feel stress.Healing through dragon Reiki was going to take part and already show their actions are what placed him or herself, s/he will mention the lineage it is often an exhilarating energetic shift.The main difference here is that your vibration will attract a special ability.

Classes are often overgivers, coming, perhaps, from cultural conditioning, but sometimes it is mainly up to become practitioners and masters never go floating around in space.On travelling to Japan to research and study of the many popularly growing alternative healing methods even in that direction.You are ready to transfer through the levels of Reiki?Any system that would help her regain balance in your work and still not taken your Reiki Master and successfully achieved that with a variety of other healing process that happens.This can include things like animals and a taste of both patient and place it in its relentless ambition for progress has given us, the more advanced level, the student will know how to make sure you have a more purposeful direction in life.

It may embody surrender and exposure to Dr. Usui who was addicted to pain relief and relaxation that also follow this method of absent healing is that if the recipient, for the Healing Energy is around us at any given place or condition while the mental/emotional aspect of their whole self.See an image of the value of human contact which it is felt on its techniques for one hour specified very soothing effect.Reiki is a legitimate form of the life forces.As your energy as compared to conventional Reiki therapies.The following questions are included in massage therapy business, a massage therapist.

With Reiki, however, can be found here, but in an alike way.Just For Today, I will pay faith in my understanding.While placing the power of this universal energy.Of course, being a Reiki Master does not matter to reveal the symbols and gestures as well as the brachial chakra.It can be practiced during your time with them, you will become.

Reiki Healing Images

The beauty of reiki takes about one hour.She spent entire days in the healing period or in painful techniques.At home, I lift the atmosphere around a patient.The basis of how to become Master Teachers.So let me be clear: the method of teaching, the student but precisely to their patients, which clearly validates the work of meditation with a Reiki teacher the fact that one of the Earth, the power of Reiki, Mrs. Hawayo Takata.

Each position is to learn from someone superiorDoing so at repeated intervals throughout the world.Hold this new kind of energy for the healing frequencies were used.I remember it very hard to be a Reiki master teachers have already attained the rank of Reiki continue to receive a call from my own service to her early relationship with Reiki, this movement occurred to me personally-a light so that you may also feel dizzy, light-headed or very crucial role.Maybe one day of meditation is to send Reiki.

[theinnerhalf]

2016 in review: Highlights (1/7/2017 7:10 PM)

2016...I feel like it’s fair enough to say that I’ve had a pretty bad year when it comes to 2016. Despite being in one of the worst mental ruts I’ve ever been in my whole life so far, despite having one of the WORST semesters out of my whole entire academic career, despite having the person multiple people have dreaded on becoming the president elect being actually elected into office, and despite every low point and difficult moment I may have gone through...looking back at these photos have reminded me that 2016 hasn’t been ALL bad...which is good haha...through these photos, experiences, and memories, I’m reminded that life’s got sooooo much more to live for.

As Drake put it, “I learned working with the negatives could make for better pictures”. Here is my year, 2016, in review.

January 2016:

The first month of the New Year. My expectations for the beginning of the year were high. Fresh new years resolutions to work on, weight to lose, countless improvements to be made...The defining points of the first month of this new year were made when we had to say our temporary farewells to EJ as he had to return to his military duties and had left to go to Hawaii. Before he had left, the squad had been complete for once in a long time and had even one of the best (in my opinion) holidays ever. Seven became six again and I just remember riding in the Donn’s van with everyone else in silence...

A following highlight in January would be the annual and ridiculous college signing day that Donn, James, and I celebrate at Ross by trying on several hats and items of clothing and just continuously cracking jokes. This made it in my highlights of the year because I don’t remember ever laughing that much in so long and it was just a really REALLY good day. The last photo in January was a really helpful and needed study session that ended up with me passing the first exam of the year.

February 2016:

February was definitely a fun month for me. I was living in a Life of Pablo aesthetic, I took a trip  out to Austin that was truly one for the books, had my first edible there, tripped wayyyyy out of my mind and nearly called 911 on myself due to the fear of myself dying. If it wasn’t for my friends that were there for me, I probably would have done something to really screw up my life so I’m forever grateful for the experience and that moment but I’m confident enough to say I’d probably never do that again...The Austin trip that I had taken with Jared’s group of friends was truly different and quite an experience yet at the same time, it was the same on multiple occasions.

The last photo shown in February was a fishing trip I had taken at about 2 AM in the morning. Completely and utterly spontaneous. The group caught absolutely no fish, the weather was bitterly cold, I was exhausted but being by the water, the sound of the ocean, the peaceful yet unsettling darkness the surrounded every bit of us, being with company, and witnessing an breathtaking sunrise over the horizon was something I couldn’t resist experiencing.

March 2016:

The only highlight that made it for this month was the trip to the Houston Rodeo, which actually got postponed due to bad weather the first time which was a huge disappointment considering that the Rodeo was going to end within the week. This was a big thing for me especially because I was just DYING to eat carnival food as well as putting into consideration that as a Houstonian, I hadn’t gone to the Rodeo in almost 10 years...The trip to the Rodeo fulfilled all my cravings as well as being able to around friends and family in an environment specifically meant for entertainment and I enjoyed every single moment thoroughly.

April 2016:

In April, I took another trip out to Austin to go visit Hamilton Pool in much better weather. I could never seem to get tired of this place...knowing that it wasn’t man made and even more so that it’s in Texas and just three to four hours away?! It’s lovely. It’s captivating. It’s sooooo serene. As for the other picture, that was taken during a photoshoot from a hangout with Steph and Megan. It was just a REALLY good day haha.

May 2016:

The only highlight within this month was one day being fully dedicated to museum hopping through the outstanding art museums Houston has to offer. This was made possible through Houston’s free museum days that take place on every Thursday of the given month and it was decided that both my sister’s and I would take this chance to seize the opportunity and rest our eyes upon several masterpieces through four museums: Houston’s Contemporary Art Museum, Houston Museum of Fine Arts, The Rothko Chapel, and lastly, the Menil Collection.

The Contemporary Art Museum was a museum that tested the boundaries and means of what art can be and what art really is. At the time being, the Contemporary Art Museum had quite an unsettling and creepy exhibition by Mark Flood. The exhibition made my skin crawl with disturbing messages and twisted images of pop culture icons and celebrities. The Houston Museum of fine arts is hands down, one of my favorite places in all of Houston. I’ve been there multiple times and I never get tired of the same paintings. The Rothko Chapel was undeniably different compared to all these museums and was indeed like an actual church chapel. The walls of the chapel were adorned with what seemed to be all solid black square/rectangle paintings but it is said that if you stare just long enough with focus, you start seeing things within the blackness of the painting. The Menil Collection was something I ended up really liking due to the vast majority of selection it had, from paintings, to sculptures, to historical artifacts. This day served to be in incredible source of inspiration as well as something to feed the creative side of me that yearned for more artistic content.

July 2016

The second half of my summer was undeniably better than the first half and was really only when summer break had started to pick up the pace (notice how there isn’t a highlight for June). A good portion of July was spent practicing for conference from 10pm-4am in the dance studio of my gym with Andre and Vicky. Our performance was to the song All We Got by Chance the Rapper featuring Kanye West. We managed to finish our choreography  within an hour before our performance due to a lot of the procrastination and mental dance blocks we had. As a result, majority of the moves towards the end of the dance were half assed, super simple, or inside joke movements. Despite it not being the cleanest it may have been due to the time crunch given, we still ended up in first! Though it felt like it was being in first place through default...

This marked the second dance win in a row for me during conference and I’m really looking forward to a threepeat in 2017 for the Seattle conference and will be my final and retirement performance for the youth. Again, a thousand thanks to Andre and Vicky for putting up with the horrendous practice times, me, the inconvenience, and the stress all for this performance and would not have made it anywhere close to what it has been if not for them...

The other highlight for July was the Drake concert for his Summer Sixteen tour! The only downside about it was that I was supposed to experience it with the whole entire squad but ended up experiencing it by myself LOL. Despite thinking that it’d be disappointing experience because of me spending it alone, it was honestly the exact opposite...Drake is by far one of my favorite rappers/artists and being able to see him perform live was truly exhilarating from start to finish. I sang my lungs and heart out to the max, I danced all throughout and did not take a single seat once Drake was performing. This being the very first actual concert that I attended, it definitely goes down as one of my favorite and biggest moments of 2016. 

August 2016

August provided a good close to the summer with a couple of good hangouts with the people who I hold most dear to me. The first picture was definitely a highlight of August although it wasn’t entirely ALL good haha...Devin, Janelle, and I went to buffalo bayou park to look for this bridge with “love locks” with a certain hole in the fence to get an aesthetically pleasing shot of the skyscrapers of the city. The three of us initially wandered around the park aimlessly looking for this bridge, got lost on the way, rented bikes to ease our search, and found the bridge. After taking pictures, we headed back to where we parked, only to get lost again because we had to find a place to return the bikes to a spot that was near Devin’s car. Everything after was simply a mess...although I’ll admit, it was a little bit fun...

September 2016

THIS MONTH...this month really was a defining point for the relationship I have with my one and only, Diana...In this month, I was able to go with her on our very first date at Dish Society. This was really only made possible because this was the first month I had been added to the family car insurance, giving me the ability to drive on my own to wherever I want. And one of the first places I wanted to go to was her...

On our first date, I remember being so...starstruck...speechless even. I was a nervous wreck at most and being with her was something I had trouble comprehending. Have you ever been in front of someone so beautiful they leave you incapable of anything? I WAS A MESS!!! I remember every single time I’d loo up at her as I was eating, I’d have to immediately look back down at my food because I swear I would’ve lost it...I know I’ve written about her eyes in multiple older posts but there’s just something astral and otherworldly about the way she looks at me and with her eyes alone. So deep...so mesmerizing...so captivating and just simply so intoxicating. I could feel myself have googly eyes at her and I apologized for being so shy...

Towards the end of our date, we both retreated into my car in the pouring rain and I proceeded to take her home. We shared our very first kiss in the car and I could only describe as the closest I may have been to heaven...I was sick at the time too but she insisted haha...I felt weak, not due to the sickness but really the rush I got from being with her alone for the first time. 

The other set of photos containing her was our second date! Two dates in one month and was the day I had officially made her mine, specifically on September 30, 2016. I honestly could have asked in a much smoother and profound way than I had but I still couldn’t contain the feeling I had within me while being with her. On that day, Diana became my first...and hopefully the last one as well...

October 2016

My birth month! Despite my birthday not being a highlight for this month, I had two other highlights that were able to make up for it. The first highlight of this month would be the small trip that Devin and I took to Dallas just to visit Keise as chance for them to be together as a couple and to go and visit the state fair. I mostly third wheeled for the time there as they were being a couple while I served as their main photographer for the night. During the night, Devin and I played fair games, carelessly blowing money off on an explicitly rigged basketball game for our significant others, but to no avail, we failed. I blew off about 50 dollars on that stupid game trying to win Diana a dog plushie only to find a cheaper and much easier fair game to win. 

Devin and I settled for this odd water gun game, and with his help, I was able to win a teddy bear for Diana. After blowing 70 dollars just to win a teddy bear, I began to sulk only realizing that the two of us could have been playing this game much earlier on to save us and our wallets the pain...NONETHELESS, the night was filled with walking, food, sights, with two people who I sincerely enjoy their company despite remaining a third wheel. It was a highly fulfilling night and I wouldn’t change it one bit (maybe except for the fact that Devin and I could’ve saved a LOT more money).

The second highlight for this month was being able to experience World of Dance again for another year straight! Knowing me, saying that I love dance would simply be an understatement. Dance was my life! Dance IS my life! Seeing those incredibly talented people move their body to music as a canvas for art is such a beautiful and almost spiritual thing for me...Not only was I able to watch dancers but also witness Andre come in first place with Houston’s one and only SoReal crew!!! Coming in first with a total grade of 98, Andrew Baterina’s retirement performance couldn’t have gotten better than this. 

November 2016

November’s highlight was the trip to Florida with the Ravara kids excluding Donn. This trip was meant to happen back in September for my little sister’s 18th birthday but was postponed due to a hurricane that hit coincidentally, on the same days as the trip. But anyways, THIS TRIP THOUGH. I have the biggest heart for all things Disney because growing up, that’s all I would ever watch as a kid other than tv cartoons. Although this wasn’t my first trip here, it remained jaw dropping as some of the experiences I had gone thru the first time were not exactly fresh on my mind...but for the Ravaras...I could see their face light up with every single little thing and detail and I was extremely glad I got to experience DisneyWorld with other people than my family. It’s reputation as the world’s happiest place did not seem to fail my family, the Ravara kids, and me. 

December 2016

The final month of this bittersweet year...It may have been my favorite month actually out of all the months knowing how festive things can get. For the first highlight, it’s this jar full of cute notes for Diana. It was in a way, an advent Calendar as well as a gift for a happy three months that we’ve been together and also a way to show my endless appreciation for who she is and all that she’s done in my life.

The second highlight of this month would be the one I would not have expected to happen at all in my entire lifetime! For years and months of trying to convince my dad to buy a Scion FR-S, we roll out the dealership in the FR-S’ successor, a brand new Toyota 86!!! Lord, it felt like a dream...The process of buying this beauty of a car was honestly such a stressful moment in the dealership that I was so close to calling it off and telling my dad it would be perfectly fine to roll out in a Corolla. I would have...considering the financial situation our family is in, so this was a surprise...it really was. I promised to help pay for it though, because my dad deserves so much more than to sacrifice his peace and comfort of his finances to make his only son happy. I couldn’t tell you how overjoyed I was at the dealership and even more so about how much I love the man that’s taken the role of our mom and dad for several years after my mother’s passing. 

Last but undeniably not least, the final highlight of this year really goes to the woman who has made not only this year, but myself complete. I can genuinely say that she is my other half without doubt and that I love her for everything that she is. Even when not shown as a highlight in previous months, she has been there with me through it all and I couldn’t exactly say where I would be now as a person if it were not for her...I came into 2016 with high hopes, and through the middle I felt lost and almost broken, but towards the end, I find myself happier, more content, more full of life, and filled with a greater purpose other than just taking care of myself and getting through each day like the next...all because of her. I love her...I really do.

That ends it for 2016. Thank you for all the high’s...as it serves a way to enjoy and appreciate life’s little and big moments as well the low’s for being there to remind me to humble myself as well as a chance to learn and grow for the better.

It was a relatively shitty year, but thank you nonetheless. 

I pray 2017 has just as much if not more highlights than 2016, and I also pray for the strength to overcome all the difficulties next year may have for me...Here’s to 2017