#it was the last straw that broke the camel's back :) and he made something

[reiderwriter]

Unhappy Holidays

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Summary: You're unlucky enough to run into Spencer Reid at holiday celebrations four years in a row. In the New Year, you're resolving to rid him from your mind forever, but you never were one to stick to resolutions 👻🦃🎄🎆

Warnings: SMUT 18+ minors dni, enemies to lovers, low-key work rivals, semi-public sex, car sex, hate sex, fingering, thigh riding, creampie, unprotected sex (no condoms but contraceptive mentioned), slight spoilers for s4 of Criminal Minds (but not really).

Prompt Request: #50"You're so fucking obsessed with me.” #82"Really? Because your pussy is saying something different, sweetheart.” #93"Use my thigh. You've been staring at it all night anyway.”

A/N: This is my first submission for @imagining-in-the-margins November/December Office Party writing challenge! I'm sorry I've been so busy recently, but the holiday season really does take a lot of effort to get through at work lmao. Hopefully, I'll be able to post more over my vacation! For now, enjoy some very unserious smut~♡ (as if I write any other kind).

Here's a link to my masterlist, where you can find all my work!~☆

Working with the FBI was no walk in the park, which, from your desk at the opposite corner of the bullpen, Spencer Reid sure made it look like.

Working on adjacent teams for the last three years had become gradually infuriating. You were forever in the man's orbit, stuck dealing with the other women on your team sat giggling about him and his many stupid haircuts, and wondering just how far you'd fallen to have to stare at his stupid face 5 days a week.

If you were unlucky. His team did happen to be out on cases a lot more, whereas yours handled correspondence and consulting cases, a cushy and safe job.

It annoyed you to no end that you had multiple field-based qualifications, extensive fire arms training and were top of your class at the academy only to be relegated yo desk duty whilst boy wonder with his doctorates was allowed to trip over his own feet catching actual killers.

Other people wondered where your dislike of the man sprang from, and you could only let out a disgruntled squeak and tell them your horror stories.

A few months into your job, your been fresh faced and bushy tailed or however that saying goes, and overly eager to take any assignment that came your way. Even if the assignment was baby-sitting an injured Doctor Spencer Reid. He'd been shot whilst out on a case whilst trying to talk down an unsub, and you'd jumped at the chance to get to know him.

He was an office legend, of course, though those days it was more for his characteristic lack of social graces rather than the beauty he'd grown into. You'd been so eager to get to pick his brains, find out how he'd managed to score the position on the BAU at such an early age.

Reality had hit you square in the face when he'd spent a week ignoring you, making you run around like a headless chicken searching for hard copies of documents the FBI had digitised a millennia ago, and hadn't so much as spared you a glance.

The straw that broke the camel's back came as you were running back to him triumphant with a document he'd requested eight hours before and had let yourself into Penelope Garcia’s office quietly, only to hear him bad mouthing you.

“She makes me uncomfortable. I've had her out searching for useless files all day because I don't know what to do with her.”

“She's trying to help, Spencer, it's her job right now, cut her some slack.”

“Her job is currently getting in the way of mine. I even tried writing my own doctor's note so I could get rid of her, but Hotch wouldn't allow it.”

You'd dropped the file loudly on the table, watched the two spin around with horrified looks and turned silently and left the room.

He hadn't once tried to find you after that, and you let your apprenticeship under Doctor Reid quietly fizzle out as you got back to your regular work.

Your resentment still burned though.

Each time you'd been caught in the same elevator with him, you'd ignored him to an almost insane degree, enjoying the way he squirmed and tried to make small talk.

You'd been in contact with JJ and his Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner as well, through cases you'd recommended, but always maintained your cold shoulder.

The one place you could not ignore him, however, was a Penelope Garcia party.

After you'd slammed the file down on her desk, Penelope had guiltily sent you a gift basket filled with sweet treats and books, and had hounded you for a week to make sure your feelings weren't too damaged by her friend's stupidity.

You actually liked her, and found at least one silver lining to the storm that was Spencer Reid ripping through your life.

In the three years since the “incident,” you'd found yourself at three parties where Penelope in all of her heartwarming ways had tried her best to force a reconciliation between the two of you, to disastrous results.

The first was a Halloween party, and you'd been incredibly proud of your Princess Laia costume when you'd arrived. Only until you'd gone to the kitchen to top up your drink to hear Spencer Reid boring some guest or the other about how Star Trek was more advanced, and had a richer plot line.

Penelope had stepped into the kitchen just as he'd caught a glimpse of your (rather skimpy) outfit - yes, you'd chosen swimsuit Laia, yes, you were going to own it - and had immediately jumped into introductions, as if you weren't already intimately acquainted.

“Spencer! This is Y/N! She loves Halloween, too, she makes all of her costumes. You guys should talk.” She'd led the other guest away and left you there with Spencer as you'd awkwardly looked upon his own costume.

“Are you the Tenth Doctor?” You asked begrudgingly, noting his pin-striped suit and the shorter hairstyle he'd chosen.

“Are you a fan? I prefer the original show run more than the current stuff, but David Tennant has really been doing a wonderful-”

“I'm sorry, let me stop you there. I don't watch Doctor Who. I guess I prefer something with a… How should I say, richer plot?”

He'd snapped his mouth shut and didn't have chance to open it again before you turned dramatically and walked away from him.

The second party you'd been cornered into was just over a year later.

Having been stuck in the office over Halloween, Penelope was determined to get in one last celebration before Christmas steam-rolled every other holiday, and thus you'd been invited to her single-people-only-friendsgiving-potluck, and you'd found yourself having to navigate knocking on her door with a casserole dish in your hands.

Luckily a large hand had appeared from behind you and knocked on the door for you. Unfortunately, the sudden shock from the silent appearance of a man right behind you startled you so much that the dish fell straight from your hands anyway.

Penelope opened her door upon hearing the crash and you whirled on your would-be attacker.

It was Spencer again, eyes round in shock, hand still curled into a fist.

You took a calming breath as you gathered yourself, trying not to bite his head off. You wanted to scream and shout and rip his head out but you didn't, instead letting the fury drip into your voice as you finally opened your eyes again.

“That dish took me four fucking hours to make.” You huffed in anger once more as Penelope guided you into the apartment and poured you a glass of wine before you moved back to the entry hall to clean it up again.

Needless to say he didn't care to converse with you after that.

A few small parties in between had been blissfully Spencer-less and you'd lulled yourself into a false sense of security. That's when you accepted the Christmas party invitation.

As one of the unlucky few members of the FBI who had to stay out over christmas in case of some emergency or the other, you'd been grounded in Virginia, unable to travel home for the holidays. So Penelope Garcia's singles-only-Christmas-fun-time-Party was your last ditch effort to spend the holidays actually resting and eating good food.

Learning from last time, Penelope reassured you that there was no potluck, that she had prepared all the food herself, and all you'd need were a bottle of wine and a willingness to party.

You'd taken those recommendations as law and had immediately let yourself into a glass of mulled wine as you arrived, and - noticing that the party was Reid-free - had allowed it to raise your Christmas spirits slightly more than you usually would.

By hour two of the event, you were full of yuletide joy and swaying freely along to the tune of Silent Night.

Spencer’s late entrance really would have gone unnoticed by you had you not bumped face first into his chest as you spun yourself around in your dance, his hands quickly falling to your hips to steady you.

The few moments it took you to gather yourself were about as long as you needed to realised that he'd caught you in his arms underneath the mistletoe. And with your mind fogged by mulled-whatever-it-was-Penelope-mixed-into-that-punch, the part of your brain that objected to the very existence of Spencer Reid went silent, and the incredibly tiny and somewhat damaged part of your brain that instead saw him as attractive started shouting loud instructions.

Before your common sense could return, you pushed yourself up on your tiptoes to kiss the very warm, very close man holding you upright.

“Mistletoe,” you muttered as you clawed his arms off of you and took yourself straight to Penelope's bathroom to throw up.

So yes, your acquaintance with Spencer Reid had never been good, and you were perfectly fine with resenting him from afar, privately.

With three years of bad experiences under your belt, you weren't excited at completing your yearly tradition of horrendous interaction. Which is perhaps why you immediately and loudly protested Penelope’s New Years Eve party invitation.

“Y/N, it's a party. What's the worst that can happen?” She pleaded as she followed you down the corridors of the office building.

“I could see Spencer Reid. I could be forced to converse with Spencer Reid. I could get absolutely wasted and kiss Spencer Reid. There, three options, please accept my resignation from partying.”

“Y/N we both know you don't drink anymore, so at least one of those is unlikely to happen. And Spencer might not even come, he has tickets for an indie theatre from 6pm onwards, they're playing some Russian movie from the 60s that's like 4 hours long or something. So u retire yourself and tell me you'll come?” She had to take three or four steps for each of your own, not that you were so different in height but because you were practically marching in order to avoid the topic.

But you finally stopped and let out a sigh as you turned back to Penelope who stopped just before she ran into you.

“You're sure he won't be there?”

“I'm sure he RSVP’d no.”

“Fine. But I'm not drinking and I will still be expecting the Penelope Garcia virgin punch experience.”

“Bring the party poppers and you have a deal.”

“Done.”

–X–

Over the week since you'd accepted the invitation, you'd made peace with it. For the most part, you did love a Penelope Garcia production. There was something wonderful about your friend and her ability to brighten anyone's mood, an ability that was only heightened at holidays. She was like a glittered goddess gaining power when worshippers used her altar, except the altar was her house and the worship was a range of hallmark-induced holidays.

You arrived at the party at 10pm, and though that was the start time you'd been given, you weren't surprised to see a full house of Penelope’s team mates already in attendance. Derek Morgan, Jennifer Jareau and Emily Prentiss sat spread across the sofa in the living room area, and you noticed a few techie friends also grabbing drinks and chatting.

“Y/N, I'm so glad you're here! You remember everyone on the team, right?” She pulled you into a hug and then sat you down in the middle of the group, waiting for you to mingle and become comfortable before she ran off to more hostess duties.

“Of course, nice to see you guys.” You grabbed your promised punch and sat back comfortably, striking up a conversation with Emily about how bleak the dating scene had been recently.

“It seems like all the men around me are jackasses,” Emily muttered and you giggled along.

“I'm wounded,” Morgan shot back, a hand pressed to his chest in faux pain.

“Good. You're like a lion out there in the clubs stalking gazelles, it's like watching a nature documentary when you're out there.”

You almost snorted your entire drink up your nose as Emily finished, needing to compose yourself for a second.

“I guess the men on our team aren't great with romance,” JJ laughed and took a swing. “Hotch and Rossi have four divorces between them, and Derek here is a lost cause.”

“Our only hope is young Spencer. May he grow into a respectful young gentleman and break out curse,” Emily toasted.

“Oh that ship has sailed,” your laugh this time was bitter, your mood immediately growing sour with even the smallest mention of Spencer Reid.

“Ah, Penelope mentioned you had a problem with our boy wonder. Care to share?”

You opened your mouth to give your standard non-answer and move the conversation along, but you were interrupted.

“Yes, Y/N, care to share? I am slightly curious about that as well.” You turned around and there he was, and your stomach turned in disgust.

Just one time, just one party. You'd been having fun, and here he was to ruin it.

“What are you doing here?” you gaped up at him, unsurprised to see him still decked out in sweater vest and slacks even in his down time.

“I was invited.”

“You declined, Penelope said you had movie tickets.”

“Ticket, singular. And it was cancelled so here I am. What's your problem with me, Y/N?” His jaw clenched and he grabbed the back of your chair and leaned down. It was supposed to be intimidating, but you rolled your eyes. When he looked that attractive, veins in his arms popping out of the sleeves he'd pulled up, you couldn't see him as intimidating. His arms were distracting yes, but God that was nothing compared to his thighs. His pants were tight, and you thanked whatever Clueless tailor had sewn them, because you now allowed yourself a momentary lapse to enjoy the appearance of his lower body.

You tried to shake the thought of his attractiveness from your mind, reminding yourself where you were and in what company.

“I don't think I need to answer that. I think I'll enjoy holding it over your head instead,” you said, standing up and beginning to gather your things.

“Wait, Y/N, where are you going? New Year isn't for another 30 minutes.” Penelope scrambled over and grabbed your hand, pleading with you to stay.

“I'm sorry Pen, but there's just this very annoying bug buzzing around me, and I think I need to get away from it.” You said your goodbyes and excused yourself from the party, happy to have walked away relatively undamaged.

Fate had other plans, and as you stepped out of the apartment building ready to walk yourself home, a hand caught yours from behind as a voice chased you.

“Y/N, wait. I'll go. You go back inside.”

“And return with my tail tucked between my legs after making a grand exit? I'll pass, thanks boy genius.” You shook yourself from his grasp and made to walk away again, but he quickly matched your pace and stepped into your path, cutting you off.

“I can't let you walk home. It's like 40° out here, and your coat is more style than substance.”

“Get into a car with a stranger? I'm sure you of all people know how stupid that sounds.” You stuck a finger out and poked his chest, but he grabbed your hand and held it in place as he spat out his next words.

“I'm not a stranger, I'm the man you're obsessed with, Y/N. Big difference.” You laughed, mostly in shock at his indignance, but he stared at your face as serious as could be.

“Me? Obsessed with you? I'm not the one who followed a woman they're barely acquainted with out of a party filled with all of my friends. Sounds like you're projecting, Spencer.”

“Am I?” He questioned, stepping closer and grabbing your hip as he continued his questioning. “I wasn't the one who was sat there talking about me with all of my colleagues.”

“Well, I wasn't the one who turned up to a party I'd declined an invitation to.”

He was imperceptibly close now, hand gripping your hip so tight you wondered if it'd leave you with a mark.

“I certainly was not the one who initiated a kiss last year, Y/N. You need to face the facts, you're so fucking obsessed with me.” If his hands had you feeling dizzy, his words were completely knocking the sense out of you. Suddenly you returned to the person you'd been under that Mistletoe, and everything from his closeness to the rough edge to his voice begged you to do it once again.

“Go fuck yourself,” was about all the words you could manage as he finally let his lips fall down and crush into your own.

You should've pushed him away, but instead your traitorous body wanted to prove his point, opening up for him faster than you'd opened up to anyone else before.

His tongue flicked against your lips and you gladly let him explore your mouth, opening up to tangle your tongue with his.

He tasted sweet, like the punch Penelope had handed you earlier, only now you wondered if someone had accidentally laced it with how free you were being with your affections.

He resurfaced for air, but you didn't care if there was nothing in your lungs at all if it meant that his lips would engage your own in battle once again.

“Look how much you want me,” he smirked. “Look how needy you are after a single kiss, chasing my lips like that.”

“You and your big fucking mouth. I wish you'd shut up once in a while.”

“I'll make it my new year’s resolution.” His lips joined your own again, and you clashed hard, exploring as much as you could muster as he pulled you in the direction of his car.

“I'm not driving… home… with you,” you growled between kisses, trying not to put your teeth to his neck and bite down hard. You're not sure if that impulse was a murderous one or a kinky one.

“I'm not putting you in the front seat, Y/N, I'm putting you in the back. You should be familiar with the idea.”

Heat sparked between your legs, and you allowed yourself to be manhandled into the beat-up trash heap of a car.

He'd not taken his hands off you as he got you in, pushing himself in first and then pulling you by the hand that you'd unconsciously gripped hard. You immediately straddled his hips, skirt naturally riding up in the process. He noticed and looked curiously down at you, growling as you pressed your lips against his neck and grabbed you instead by the hair gathered in a ponytail at the back of your head.

“See, you're obsessed with me. Just admit it.” Without breaking eye contact, he dug his fingers into the material of your tights and pulled in opposite directions, leaving your underwear exposed to his wandering eyes.

“I'm not obsessed with you,” your voice needed conviction to land, but it came out as a lusty whisper, especially as he slipped his fingers inside your underwear and finally touched your aching cunt.

“Really? Because your pussy is saying something else, Princess.” He found your clit faster than you'd ever expected, rubbing slow circles into your skin as you began rocking your hips back and forth.

It was becoming hard to disagree with him, with each flick of wrist growing the heat between your legs. You attacked his neck again, hands practically ripping at his top buttons so you could muffle the sounds of your arousal against his neck, collarbone, chest, any stretch of that pale skin available to you.

He forced your hips to a stop with one hand as he slipped a single digit inside of your hole, gathering your arousal as he set a steady pace, thumb keeping your bundle of nerves occupied.

“Listen, Y/N, can you hear that?”

“I can't h-hear anything.” You had to grind your teeth together to get the words out with minimal interruptions of moans bursting from the pit of your stomach.

He leaned in close to your ear, nuzzling your neck and placing chaste kisses up towards your ear, finally pulling away just enough to whisper a single word in your ear.

“Liar.”

His hand stilled and pulled off you quickly and your eyes broke open, hands unconsciously fitting into his shirt as if you were worried he was going to leave you there like this, on the edge of pleasure but still so far away.

“Use my thigh. You've been staring at it all night anyway.”

“Jackass. You've only been here for like 20 minutes.”

“You can climb right out of this car if you want to, Y/N.” He tried to keep his tone light, but the death grip he had on your thighs, the very obvious tent pitched in his pants and the way his eyes couldn't go five seconds without undressing you told you you had more power in this interaction than he wanted to give you.

There was no way either of you were letting the other go unused tonight.

You relaxed your grip on his shirt and shifted your weight to one of his thighs. Lithe he may be, but lowering yourself down there was an unexpected strength there. He watched on curiously as you rocked experimentally against him. Back and forth you rocked, trying desperately to keep up his momentum or tempt him to help you out again.

It was time to let your voice back out, and you did, moaning without a care as you hummed his leg like a bitch in heat.

“You're enjoying this lot, huh, Y/N,” he muttered, and you watched as his hand worked his pants zip open, removing one of the barriers in the way between the two of you, as he began palming himself.

“What's that saying? Anything you can do, I can do better?” He growled at that response but didn't stop you. Instead he bought a hand down on your ass as you moved, so hard you jolted at the sudden pain. Your eyes shot open as your hips stilled, but you felt warmth grow between your legs.

“Yes, you definitely enjoyed that. Should I do that again, or do you think we should hurry this up and go back up for the countdown?”

You hesitated only a second before you pushed his hand off his lap, shifting your hips further towards his knees before letting your hand reach for where his had just been.

You didn't let yourself think about how big he was as you pulled his cock free, didn't let yourself wonder how he measured up against anyone you'd been with before. You didn't let yourself waste time thinking about how various office rumours were true, and definitely not a second was wasted feeling jealous about how those rumours were spread in the first place.

Instead you simply slammed your lips back against his, mouth opening to let your tongue engage his as you lifted your hips with his help and lowered yourself down on him.

You didn't have to rid yourself of sinful thoughts after that as he purged every single brain cell from your head, filling you so contently that there was simply no space for anything but him.

You locked up on top of him, clawing at his shoulders as you whimpered at the stretched, falling so he was balls deep inside you. You wanted to move, to use him for your pleasure, but your walls tightened every time you even thought about it as he stroked your hair through it all.

It had been some time since you'd last had a sexual partner, and you needed the few minutes to overcome the first uncomfortable bliss of it all.

“That good?” he whispered, but the harsh tone of earlier was gone, replaced only by unsure humour to break the silence.

“Been a while.” He nodded, kissing you again to distraction as he shifted your positions.

Cradling your neck and securing your legs comfortably around him, he lowered you against the backseat, pulling out slightly as you adjusted to the new angle.

“Better?” You nodded quickly, because it was. There was no more pressure on your legs, and despite the cramped space in the car, you had enough space to lie almost flat.

“Yes… thank you.” Just as his cutting tone had escaped him, you also heard your own tone softening, the sigh of contentment slipping past your lips almost sweet. Almost.

“Are you going to fuck me now, or what?”

He let out a shocked laugh, but lent down to shut you up with a kiss nonetheless. Bracing himself against the car door, his hips softly rocked into you, pace increasing until you were back to the edge of cumming, nails pressed hard into his skin until you were sure he was going to complain.

He didn't though, but kept up his thrusts, until your vision suddenly darkened and stars exploded in them, rolled back in your head as they were.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit, where should I…?” He panicked, but you wrapped your legs around him, grabbing him by the tie and pulling him down to swallow his moan as he shot his load inside of you.

“Birth control.” You whispered when you finally let him go, gasping for air. “Contraceptive pill. No need to get the car dirty.”

He collapsed on top of you then, forehead resting against your own as you both caught your breaths.

The moment was silent, and you found the synchronicity of your breaths almost calming. Eventually you had to break apart, and he helped you up to a sitting position, but didn't break eye contact as fell back into his lap.

His hands stroked your back, dipping to your ass at times, but he didn't talk. Neither of you did.

The eye contact between the two of you was possibly the most pleasant conversation you'd ever had.

“I'm sorry.” He blurted, just as fireworks erupted into the night sky. Your heart shook, and you weren't sure of it was the shock of the sound, or the way the rainbow of lights illuminated his sincere expression.

“You don't have to apologise for cumming in me, Spencer.”

“Not that. Before. The casserole and the mistletoe, and the Halloween costume.”

“Wow. Um, okay. Apology accepted, I guess, though I'm not entirely sure why you're apologising now.”

He took a deep breath just as another set of fireworks went up.

“I pulled you under the mistletoe. It was Penelope’s idea, she knew how stupid I was being around you and sent me over. I saw it and took the chance.”

“Fuck. Why?”

“Because I was pretty useless at being chivalrous the year before.”

You climbed off his lap in a scramble and sat on the seat beside him, mind racing, trying to figure out where the hell he was going with this.

He turned to you, trying to keep your attention as he stumbled over the words.

“You couldn't knock on the door, so I wanted to help you, but I didn't think I'd scare you so much you'd drop it.”

“You didn't scare me it was a momentary lapse in my observational skills.”

“You shrieked,” a smile threatened to pull his lips up, they twitched as you flushed red.

“And Halloween?” You looked at him again now, trying to figure out what the hell was going on between the two of you.

“You refused to look at me for a year after we stopped working together,” he shrugged quickly running a hand through his hair and expelling a breath. “I don’t really know how to talk to women.”

“You just know how to piss them off?”

“Morgan says it comes naturally.”

“Yeah, well, Morgan is very wise.”

A brief silence stretched between you, or as silent as a night full of cracks, pops, whizzes and bangs could be.

“I don't get it. You tried your best to get rid of me when I was there to help you. I wanted to impress you, and you kept sending me on meaningless errands, and now you're saying what? You wanted my attention?” There was a quiet anger to your voice, but you were surprised to find it diminished and tired.

“I wanted you gone because you were distracting me, Y/N, not because I hated you.”

“Well, what's the difference, Doctor Reid? Please indulge me.” You huffed a little but kept your eyes on him, trying not to seem too desperate for his answer.

“I have an IQ of 187. Emily says when I'm around a pretty girl it's more like 52,” he fidgeted with his pants, forcing the words out.

“You're a pretty girl. We had a case to work and all I could think about was how to get you to like me. Hotch chewed me out like three separate times for being absent minded.”

He was looking anywhere but you, trying his best not to appear like a fool but you were locked onto him.

“Oh my god you're an idiot.”

“When you're around, yes.”

“And that means I'm equally stupid.”

“No, you just jump to conclusions and hold grudges. There wasn't anything really that stupid about your actions, though it could be suggested that not thoroughly thinking through the wording of the conversation you overheard-”

You cut him off with a kiss, pulling him down again mlby his tie.

“Oh my god, shut up,” you whispered as you broke apart.

“Does that mean we can do this again? Because I'd like to do this again?”

“Stop talking, start kissing jackass.”

He finally didn't argue with that, pulling you back into him as you sat under the stars in his car welcoming the new year.

[pimosworld]

Hi it’s me!! Since you are open to requests, could you please do a very fluffy smut with Joel where the reader is very insecure about her body and he makes her feel loved and it’s just so sweet?? In need of a comfort daddy Joel 🥺

Pairing- Joel Miller x f!reader

Summary- Joel wants you to see your body the way he does, a work of art.

CW-18+, MDNI, NSFW, A smidge of angst because (body image issues), Fluff,miscommunication, reader is not described other than not feeling herself lately, Soft dom Joel, smut, body worship, mirror sex, fingering, unprotected piv, cream pie, self acceptance, no use of y/n

WC-2.0k

[Joel Miller Masterlist][Main Masterlist]

A\N- My first Joel request and I would say I was feeling inspired by some body issues I’ve had lately. Thank you anon for this lovely request I hope I did it justice.

Clothing optional

There was a war going on in your house. Two separate wars to be exact, although you personally had no idea about one of them. 

  You’re currently on the frontlines in your room with a pile of mass casualties on the floor beside you. As you stand and face the mirror in front of you it’s unclear who the enemy is. Logic would have you believe it’s the clothes, the clothes that fit not long ago…that much you’re sure of. The cruel part of your brain, the part you couldn’t seem to shut off was telling you the enemy was your body. This body that has carried you through life, through ups and downs, through grief and happiness. Yet you stand here and shame it, calling it the enemy. 

  This dress, one that you were never really that fond of but could always rely on it fitting was the straw that broke the camel's back. It hugs in all the wrong places and definitely seems shorter than you remembered the last time you put it on. The lace at the seams is frayed a little and you swore you heard a stitch pop when you tried to unzip yourself. Now you’re frozen in fear that you’re stuck in this godforsaken thing and you’ve still not figured out what you’re wearing to impress Joel’s business partners. He was always so put together, what could they possibly think of you by his side. 

  “Sugar ya in there?” A knock on the bedroom door and Joel’s sweet voice causes you to panic. 

  You’re not even close to being ready. Tears streaming down your face, makeup ruined and your claustrophobia is aching to get out of this dress. 

  “Don’t come in.” Your garbled voice is evident all rushed out in a frenzy as you hear the door swing open. 

  ****

  The other war. 

  A war that’s been silently brewing in the house over the last few weeks. Joel noticed something different about you. It took him a lot longer than he’d cared to admit once he realized. He knew your body in and out. Every freckle, every line, every scar or birthmark. He’d made it his mission in life to be able to pick you out of a lineup blindfolded, only tasked with his hands or his mouth.

  He was insatiable for you. 

  He never understood when other men would say that after some time you won’t be as obsessed with each other. After marriage things become monotonous and it feels like a chore. He loved chores, being able to complete a task. If loving you and worshiping your body was a chore then he wanted that duty everyday. 

  At first he thought he must’ve said or done something to upset you. He knew his mouth could be pretty reckless at times so he gave you a few days to cool off.

  When you shy away from him or insisted your shirt stayed on during sex he started to grow suspicious. Maybe he hadn’t told you enough how much he appreciated your body. He thought he did a pretty good job of it but things get complicated when you’re in the heat of the moment. He made your brain go all fuzzy and it was hard to concentrate on what he was sayin’. 

  He’d had just about had enough when he walked into the kitchen the other day. You were reaching something high up on the shelf. Instead of asking if you needed help he just stood there ogling you as your shorts rode up, exposing the bottom of your ass. He wanted to sink his teeth into it. He wanted to grip your thighs and bend you over the counter. He could just imagine it as he pounded into you from behind while you screamed his name, the ripples from his thrusts dancing across your skin. You looked so startled when you saw him there, his eyes blown black with lust as he stepped towards you. His heart broke a little when you scurried away and returned aggressively wrapping your robe around you. 

  ****

  A peace offering. 

  You knew there was no way he was staying outside at any sign of your distress. He enters your shared bedroom slowly like he’s approaching a frightened animal. You’re sure you look like one in your state. 

  He’s quite the opposite. Crisp black on black suit, his hair combed back out of his face to show off those beautiful brown eyes. His cologne wafts towards you with hints of bergamot and cedar wood. Just the sight of him has you weak in the knees. 

  “You wanna tell me what’s got ya all worked up?” He takes a tentative step towards you as you shake your head and wrap your arms around yourself. 

  He clicks his tongue, hating how defeated you look right now. “Listen sugar, I’m gonna count to ten.” He gently unfurls your arms from you and wraps them around his middle. “And by the time I get to ten.” You take a shuddering breath against his chest relishing in the comfort he’s bringing you. “You’re gonna tell me what’s wrong.” 

  “One.” 

  “None of my clothes fit, I hate the way I look right now and I don’t want to embarrass you tonight because I look ridiculous standing next to you in some dress that I hate.” It’s all rushed out and muffled into his chest as he cradles your head and rocks you back and forth. 

  “Is that all?” He teases as you nod your head. “I’m thinkin’ maybe there’s a little more.” 

  “Two.” 

  “Well…the other day.” You let out an exasperated sigh as you look up at him. “You were starin’ at me, in the kitchen. I couldn’t tell what you were thinking, but it didn’t look good.” 

  He thinks for a moment, back to his thoughts in the kitchen and you must have read him all wrong. 

  Joel steps back from you briefly as he undoes his tie, letting it drop to the floor. “The other day in the kitchen.” His hands start to work at the buttons on his dress shirt as he shucks it off his broad shoulders. “I wasn’t tryin’ to stare. I was tryin’ to keep my hands to myself.” 

  Your breathing picks up as he undoes the buckle on his slacks and lets them join the rest of his clothes. He palms himself through his boxers, his hard length growing at the slightest touch. 

  “Joel, what are you doing?” He doesn’t answer you as his hands grip your shoulders turning you toward the mirror. “We’re gonna be late for the dinner.” 

  He leans in, taking your earlobe between his teeth as you gasp. “We’re not goin’ to the dinner sweetheart.” Joel’s eyes lock with yours in the mirror as he takes your chin between his thumb and forefinger. “Do ya see how beautiful you are?” 

  His grip stops you from shaking your head no and you figure you might as well get with the program now, since he’s being so generous. 

  “You wanna do this your way or my way?” He asks with an eyebrow raised in question. 

  “Your way?” You shakily answer as he smiles all wide and kisses your cheek. 

  His hands make quick work of the zipper that was stuck and he eases it down your back. Carefully dragging it down your body, letting the fabric pool at your feet. His hand kneads your breast and soft whimper leaves your lips as it trails down your stomach. “You weren’t plannin on wearin’ any panties to this event?” His fingers dip lower circling your clit just barely teasing you. 

  “I…I hadn’t gotten around to them yet.” Your voice is shaky as he winds his other arm around you pulling you taught to his chest. 

  “Well good thing…you won’t be needin’ em tonight.” His words send a shiver down your spine as you stand there, naked as the day you were born trying to stay afloat. “Now, I asked you if you see how beautiful you are?” 

  “Yes.” You moan out as he slips two fingers inside, chuckling to himself as he works you open. 

  You cry out at the loss as he pulls them from you, holding them out in front of your face. It’s lewd the way he licks his fingers and his grip on you tightens as your legs threaten to give out at the sight. 

  “You want me to show ya’ what I was thinkin’ about in the kitchen?” Rhetorical question of course but you're feverishly nodding your head all the same. 

  He places a soft kiss to your neck as he guides you to the bed. Neither of you trusting your feet to carry you there. “Lay down for me baby girl. Face me.” You lay down on your stomach, resting your head on your arms as you watch him place the mirror near the edge of the bed. 

  His fingers tug down his boxers and it surprises you every time, the sheer weight of him. His cock twitches at the sight as if it knows you’re looking, admiring as you stop yourself from reaching at the angry red tip to swipe your finger through the bead of precum leaking out. 

  The bed dips behind you as he straddles your thighs. You can see him in the mirror watching you as you wiggle your ass, that fight part of your brain no longer concerned with the way you look. Not with the way he’s looking at you. Like he wants to eat you alive. 

  His fingers grip your flesh as he tilts your hips up, he’s rock hard as he slides the tip through your aching folds. You clench around nothing as you try to draw him in. 

  “Eyes on the prize baby.” You tear your eyes from him as you catch yours in the mirror. He wants you to watch, but not him. 

  You’re the prize. 

  He sinks down in one fluid motion and it takes every fiber of your being to keep your eyes open. You both moan in unison as he starts a slow agonizing pace. 

  Joel watches you as long as he can but he can’t tear his eyes away from the ripple of your skin as he pounds your flesh. Hitting something deep and devastating inside you as you clutch the sheets. Soft chants of his name punched out in his thrusts as he tries to hold off his release. It feels too good and just like his daydream. Having you bent over all fucked out, unable to form a coherent through. The only thought he wants running through that head is how perfect you are. 

  “Oh fuck…I’m the luckiest man alive, ya know that.” He grits out as he meets your eyes again. 

  His strong hands haul you up against his chest as he wraps his arms around your shoulders. All you can manage is a head nod as you keen at this new angle. 

  You can feel the beads of sweat from his hair drip down onto you as you cling to his arms, he growls in your ear as your climax peaks over you, taking you by surprise as you cry out his name. 

  “This pussy was made for me darlin’.” 

  He can feel you suck him in and his balls draw up tight. Your front bathed in a sheen of sweat down your breasts and across your stomach as you ride out the aftershocks. His hips slow to a stutter as he holds your prone and pliant body, pulsing inside you as you let out a soft exhale. 

  You’re completely and utterly wrecked and he thinks you’re like one of those renaissance paintings with the naked ladies. Better than that because you’re real and you’re all his. 

  It takes you a moment to gather yourself as you lay there, Joel’s hand draped over your body at the edge of the bed. You can finally look in the mirror and see the war that was waging was all on your head. 

Comments and reblogs are much appreciated

[intimidating-fettuccine]

I know it may be too much to ask, but please, could you write a scenario with Poly Lj, Jason and candy were they arguing between the three of them (over a failed mission or something like that), and at the time because of the heat of the fight, they didn't realize that Y/N was trying to separate them and when they intervene, One of the three accidentally ends up pushing them too hard by accident or yelling at the reader too loudly??

I ended up doing headcanons, I hope that is okay. Please enjoy!

It's extremely rare for the three of them to get into an actual fight. They communicate incredibly efficiently and, for your sake, always do their best to not cause problems between each other that could affect your relationships. However, it seems that their mission tonight was the straw that finally broke the camel's back between them. They had failed the mission, with the target getting away and, because the target knows who they are, it's going to cause massive problems now. The three of them couldn't seem to just let it go and calm down, and instead in their anxiety and upset at failing the mission so poorly, had chosen to blame each other instead of equally admitting fault.

You, of course, were not on the mission and had been out of the mansion for most of the day. Upon getting back, everyone seemed on edge, and you were confused about why that would be until you heard it. The terrifyingly loud yelling coming from Jason's workshop. It wasn't hard to figure out why they were arguing from the sheer volume of their words, and you felt anxiety bubbling up inside of you as well. Torn on whether to leave them be or try and help calm them down, you decided to timidly make your way into the workshop. None of them had noticed you at first, too focused on each other, and so your quiet pleas for them to calm down went unheard. The three of them were extremely worked up, pointing fingers, grabbing collars, getting closer to it escalating into an actual fight, and you rushed over to try and pull them apart, not really thinking. In your attempt to pull Candy off of Jack, Jack had wound his arm back to shove Candy and had instead ended up slamming it into you, causing you to fall back onto the ground.

 The sound of you hitting the floor had alerted all three of them, with Jason rushing over to you first, Candy and Jack still standing there in shock at what happened. Luckily he hadn't really hurt you that badly, just surprised you and knocked you over from the force and your instability while pulling on them, but it was enough to send the three of them into a panic. Before you know it all three of them are crouched around you, checking on you and asking you questions, asking to check you for injury, apologizing, and tears are being shed by everyone involved. Jack especially is torn up and sobbing, clutching you to his chest and apologizing over and over again. They all promised they'd never hurt you, and now he's gone and broken his promise. No matter how scared you'd been from the sound of their yelling, the contrast of how soft and delicate they treated you was quick to calm you down, but it took a few more hours for them to truly calm down and settle enough for you to figure out why this was even happening in the first place, you're quite upset about them for pointing fingers instead of just owning their mistakes, and that brings out another round of deep apologies from them, to you and each other. You make them swear to never yell like that ever again, to just sit the fuck down and talk it out, and with the force of your words, they readily agree. Only after that do the four of you finally settle down for some rest and affection, all of you exhausted from today's events, and the following day, they made sure to make it up to you, pampering you and apologizing for everything that happened, promising to do their best to not let it happen again. That day was the first and last time that an event like that had transpired because no matter how angry they might get over something, the sound of you hitting the ground would always ring in their minds and prevent them from escalating anymore. 

[heavyhitterheaux]

Drive Safe (NSFW)

First Lady of Private Garden Fic

AN: Buckle up, and I hope you enjoy 😘💕

Synopsis: Jack wants that old thing back, but definitely doesn't go about it in the right way, eventually leaving you upset with him when all is said and done

Pairing: Ex-husband!Jack Harlow x Ex-wife!Reader

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

Do not engage if you are underage

So that no one gets confused, this happens in an alternate universe where First Lady actually did file for divorce from Jack. The timeline is a little different as well.

It was around 1 AM when your phone rang and you immediately rolled your eyes because you knew who it was.

The special ringtone that you still hadn't changed because you just couldn't bring yourself to do it. At least not yet anyway.

Your ex-husband.

You had never thought in a million years that you would be divorced from your high school sweetheart, but here you were.

The last straw that broke the camel's back was him not fully being supportive of you as your own career was taking off. Time and time again, he would disappoint you and disrespect you and you came to the conclusion that this wasn't the same person that you married and that person you had fallen in love with when you were fifteen was long gone. T here were rumors circulating about him cheating on you with your close friend Taylor Rooks, but he denied it until he was blue in the face that he would never step out on you and hasn’s stepped out on you for the entire time that you were in a relationship.

The two of you had been fully separated for a year and a half, but the divorce got finalized a few months ago.

When you told him that you wanted a divorce, at first he welcomed the idea and you remember how badly it hurt to see his reaction, acting as if he didn’t want to try to do anything to fix it. But then a week later, he called you on facetime bawling his eyes out with snot running down his face and begging you not to.

At first PG was trying to stay out of it and remain neutral, but they then began to take sides and expressed that you were a difficult person to work with and be around which you were extremely hurt by since you would do anything for them and in short, ended up cutting them off. However, you honestly thought it was because of their loyalty to Jack since they had known him longer.

You were still the first lady of Private Garden and Jack had told you that it would never change no matter what had happened between the two of you.

However, when it came to Urban he was trying to do everything he possibly could for the two of you to get back together, but you wouldn't budge. He was basically stuck in the middle and he wanted out. Jack would blame you and you would blame Jack all while Urban was simply trying to keep the peace. 

The one person that you shouldn't have been surprised by was Neelam, but you still were. You found out that she was rejoicing because of the divorce since she felt that you had been holding Jack back from the beginning and knew after the two of you made up that she still didn't like you despite her actions showing something different.

She actually tried to call you to plead her case, but in your mind the damage had already been done.

As much as Clay would joke around about you divorcing Jack, it hit him like a ton of bricks when the news actually broke and was genuinely upset. The first thing he did was call you to make sure that you were okay because he knew how Jack had been treating you for those last few months and he didn’t like it one bit.

But, you weren't going back on your word no matter what. Then when you found out you were pregnant with not only one baby, but three, Jack pleaded with you once again to take him back, but you still refused. Deep down, you knew that you still loved him, but you didn't think that you were in love with him anymore. The two of you definitely shouldn't have been sleeping together while going through the divorce so you were definitely both surprised when it happened. 

Or were you just lying to yourself? 

Now you were about three months along and needed all the sleep that you could get, but obviously that didn't matter to him. It had taken you forever to get comfortable and he was about to get an earful from you.

“Jackman, it is one in the morning. What do you want?” You asked while finally rolling over and answering your phone.

“I know. I'm sorry to call you this late, but I didn't check on you earlier like I promised. Are you okay? How are the babies?”

“You mean to tell me this couldn't wait? Sweet gesture I admit but we're fine and trying to sleep.”

“No, I needed to check on my girl. Can you come to the studio real quick?”

“Are you…? Jackman, are you deaf? And I'm not your girl anymore. We have literally been divorced for four months now.”

“Please baby.” Jack pleaded once again and all you did was throw your head back in frustration.

“You have lost the right to call me that.”

“I… just for a little bit? I'm working on something and want you to hear it.”

“How do you even know I'm in Louisville?”

“Because you still share your location with me or did you forget?”

Well fuck.

“I'll be there in fifteen minutes. I'm staying for an hour and you better not be on no bullshit and waste my time.”

“I promise it'll be worthwhile.” 

Once you got to the studio and made your way inside, you were surprised to see him in there by himself. When he heard your footsteps, he immediately turned around to greet you.

He caught you off guard by bringing you into a hug and kissing your forehead. He looked so good, but you knew better. You promised yourself that you wouldn't get roped back in.

Besides, you were already pregnant. 

“It's good to see you.”

“Jackman, you saw me three days ago at my doctor's appointment. Can you just play me the song so that I can go home and sleep?”

“Damn, okay. I forgot how impatient your ass was sometimes.”

“Hmm, my impatient ass put up with your bullshit for an entire year, so I would rethink that statement if I were you.” You said while rolling your eyes and all he did was sigh.

“I didn't ask you to come here to fight with you.” He said pulling the chair out so that you could sit down.

“Let's hear it then. What's it called?”

“Lovin’ On Me.” He answered as he sat down next to you.

You sat there in silence as you listened to it and you can admit that you definitely liked it. Once it was finished, he simply turned to you to ask you what you thought about it.

“Sooo, what do you think?”

“I like it.”

“Any suggestions or anything I could do better?”

“No, I like it just the way it is. It'll definitely chart. Now was that all? Can I leave?” You asked as you tried to get up, but he immediately stopped you by pulling you into his lap.

“Hold on, what are you in such a rush for? I just want to talk. You got someone else waiting in my spot in your bed?”

“I…. Talk about what?”

“How I've been wanting for us to try this again. You know I still love you.” He replied as he kissed your cheek and all you did was sigh. 

“The ink isn't even dry on the damn divorce papers.”

“I… Look, I promise that things will be different. You know you're my favorite girl to be around.”

“Oh, so you have other ones? Like Taylor for example?”

“Y/N, please. I've been fucking miserable without you and for the last damn time I did NOT cheat on you especially with one of your best friends.”

“And who's fault is that? And I don’t know if I’ll ever believe you.”

“I know I have no one to blame but myself and I take full responsibility for it.”

“Hmm, that's a first.”

“Can we stop with the sarcasm for a minute?”

You turned to look at him and simply nodded your head. 

“I want to prove it to you if you give me the chance. You don't have to give me an answer right now, but just think about it. Can you at least do that for me, pretty girl?”

You knew when he called you ‘pretty girl’ that it was over and that you could feel yourself about to fold.

All you did was nod your head as Jack leaned in to bring his lips to yours to capture you into a kiss and you couldn’t help but to kiss him back. He then deepened it and slipped his hand into your leggings and slowly began to rub small circles on the outside of your thong that you were wearing.

“Look how wet you are for me. No one can get you wet like I do. You want me to take care of that for you?”

All you did was whimper in response and he simply smirked before letting out a small laugh.

“I take that as a yes. Spread your legs for me baby and let me work.”

You immediately obliged as he now slowly started to massage your clit before slipping two of his fingers inside of you.

“Shiiit.”

“Shh, we have to be quiet. Be a good girl for me.” Jack said as he then added another finger and increased his pace of them pumping in and out of you while placing kisses along your neck.

It wasn't long before you hit your peak and released all over his fingers and he immediately put them in his mouth. He let you ride out your high before he began tugging on your leggings.

“Take these off. I want to see that pretty pussy that I missed so much.” 

Once you did, he carried you over to the couch that was in the corner of the studio and laid you down while slowly climbing on top of you.

“Let me taste you first.” Was all he had to say before he parted your legs.

You simply peeled off your shirt while throwing it across the room and Jack took notice that you didn't have on a bra as your pierced nipples were on full display.

“Damn, a sight that I never get tired of.” He quietly said before hovering over you and placing one of them in his mouth and sucking lightly making you moan.

“I can't wait to see how full they'll get in a few months.” He whispered as he then began to suck harder as he rolled the other one through his fingers.

Hearing your moans and whimpers underneath him was bringing Jack satisfaction in knowing that he could still have this effect on you. Even though it's only been a few months, this is the longest amount of time that the two of you had spent with one another besides the time that the triplets were conceived.

He quickly switched to the other one as you were trying to reach your hand down to massage your clit, but he quickly pushed your hand away.

“I'll suck your clit in a minute, be patient. I want to take all of this in.”

If you were only wet before, you knew that there was now a waterfall between your legs. Jack continued with his task of sucking on your left nipple when out of nowhere another orgasm hit you like a ton of bricks making him smirk.

“You know good and damn well I'm the only one who has this effect on you and can fuck you this good. Now let me eat my favorite meal.” Was all you heard before you felt him take one long lick across your folds making you moan.

“And you better stay still.”

As Jack continued pleasuring you, you felt him slip two fingers into you before sucking on your clit as promised and making you gasp.

“Ooohh, fuckkkk.” You exclaimed as you grabbed a handful of Jack’s hair to pull him closer. He wasn't letting up and you knew good and damn well that he was nowhere near done with you.

The familiar feeling was building in your stomach and you knew that you were close.

“Baby, I…”

“Oh, now I'm your baby because I'm making you feel good?” Jack asked as he smirked before focusing back on you.

You didn't even have time to answer him before you ended up squirting all over his face making you gasp, but he still continued to suck on your clit as you were trying to catch your breath.

“Yes, that's my good girl. You gonna to do it again for me? You gonna squirt all over my face?” Jack asked as his mouth went back on you and all you could do was nod to answer him. He now had a hold on both of your legs to pull you closer to him if that was possible.

Not even three minutes had passed before you once again squirted all over his face and Jack had to reach up to cover your mouth with his hand in order for you to keep quiet.

He was getting bricked up by the moment with hearing your whimpers and moans for him and knew that he needed relief and needed it fast. He undid his pants and got his boxer briefs down in record time and was simply stroking himself as he peered down at you.

You reached up in order to take him in your mouth but he simply shook his head no and gently pushed you back down.

“You ready, princess?” He asked you and you simply nodded.

“I asked you a question so you need to open up your mouth and tell me what you want.”

“I want you to fuck me.”

“You want daddy to fuck you? You sure?” Jack asked while smirking and you were close to rolling your eyes, but if you would have done so, he would have dragged this out even longer.

“Yes. You already interrupted my sleep so it's the least that you can do.”

“Hmm, fair enough.” Jack answered you as he laughed.

Jack slowly slid into you bottoming out as he let out a loud moan and series of curses.

“Fuck, I forgot how good you feel around me.”

It took you a second to adjust and he gave you a few moments before he started to move. But he didn’t do so without your permission. 

“Move.”

“Don't have to tell me twice.” Was all he said before you felt nice, slow, and deep strokes but you knew that this wasn't going to last long. Sure enough Jack then placed your legs on his shoulders and began pounding into you.

“That's my good girl. Look at you taking all this dick. You missed me didn't you? Even if you say no, your body is saying otherwise.”

“Mmm, baby.” Was all you could breathe out before you wrapped your arms around Jack’s neck and now your noses were touching. He simply caught you in a kiss as he continued to pound into you.

“Open your pretty mouth.” He whispered as he broke the kiss and you happily obliged as he then spit in your mouth and quickly swallowed.

“Good girl.” Jack breathed out before placing his right hand on your neck and squeezing while keeping his same pace. 

“Who fucks you as good as me, princess? Huh?”

“No one.” You quickly breathed out as Jack was now massaging your clit.

“And don’t you ever fucking forget it. This pussy is mine and mine only. You understand?” Jack asked and when you didn't answer, he squeezed your neck tighter, but not tight enough for it to hurt so that you would answer him.

“I thought I asked you a question. I need to hear you say that it's mine.”

“It's yours, just let me cum damn it!”

Your orgasm then hit you and you felt as if you were seeing stars as you laid underneath Jack whimpering. You felt him then begin to move again before he asked you to open your mouth.

“You want me to cum in that pretty mouth? Open wide for me baby. Fuck I'm close. Play with your clit for me.”

You did as you were told before you sat up and before you could take him in your mouth, cum started releasing and you quickly licked it up. Once you were done, you took him in your mouth and got the rest of it like he asked.

Once he pulled himself from your mouth, he reached down to kiss you before laying down on top of you.

“Damn, I missed this and I missed you.” Jack quietly said as you were drawing small circles on his back.

“I missed you too.”

The two of you were quiet before he spoke up again. 

“Just take your time and think about what I said. No rush. I’m not going anywhere and I’ll wait as long as I have to.”

“Okay.”

After simply laying with Jack for about another hour or so, he helped you get dressed before walking you out to your car and placing another kiss on your cheeks, forehead, and your lips last.

“I love you.” He breathed out, but when you started to speak, he cut you off.

“If you're not ready to say it yet, it's fine. But my feelings towards you haven't changed. I know it might take a while if we actually do this again.”

“Just give me some time.”

“Whatever you need, baby.” Jack replied as he helped you step up into your G Wagon that he had bought you for Valentine’s Day two years ago.

“How about a goodnight kiss before you leave?” He asked while wiggling his eyebrows, making you laugh but you soon caved.

“Drive safe and let me know when you get home.”

—-

The two of you had been spending more and more time together as he was working on his new album and a lot of that time was either spent in the studio or with him fucking your brains out. Over the course of the next few months, you decided to let Jack move back in with you and kept it quiet because the last thing you would ever ask was for someone’s opinion about it. You were two adults who could do what you both wanted.

It was early in the day and Jack had mentioned about him wanting to go to the studio early so that he could come back and spend time with you seeing as your due date was getting closer.

He was currently begging you for more kisses even though you had given him several already.

“Jackman, I have been giving you kisses for close to thirty minutes. You should have been left.” You said as he was now kissing down your neck and attempting to lift up your shirt.

“Just a few more.”

“I’ll be here when you come back! I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” 

“Last time you told me that, you ended up divorcing me.”

“Don’t push it. Now do you want kisses or not?” You replied as you eyed him.

“Yes, please.”

You reached up to place several kisses on his lips and he eagerly kissed you back. When the two of you broke apart, he simply placed another one on the tip of your nose before smiling at you.

“I’ll be back soon, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll be here.”

“And call me if you need or want anything. Like food, something to drink, my dick. You know, the usual.”

“BYE JACKMAN.”

“Okay, I’m going! I’m going!”

You saw to it that he got in his car before you decided to go upstairs and into the nursery to start folding up clothes for the triplets. You couldn’t exactly bend down in order to get them in the last drawer in the dresser and would have to wait for Jack, but you were still on a mission to do what you could in the meantime so that there was less to do later. 

As you were folding one of the last onesies, you suddenly got a facetime call from Taylor and you immediately answered.

The two of you had only spoken through text when the news broke since there had been rumors surrounding her and Jack. In your heart of hearts, you don’t think that she would betray you in that matter, but you weren’t sure considering how PG ended up treating you when they found out that you had filed for divorce. 

“Hey.” You heard her say as you moved all of the neatly folded clothes to the left of you.

“Hi.”

“So, how are you? How have you been? What’s new? I miss you and I’m worried about you.”

“Shouldn’t you be asking my ex-husband that?” You immediately shot at her and all she did was sigh.

“Y/N, please. I would never hurt you like that. Both of you mean a lot to me and I would never want to be the cause of two of my closest friends’ marriage ending. I would never lie to you, I can promise you that nothing happened. He did see me that night because he was crying his eyes out and bawling over you because at that point, he knew it was inevitable and that you were going to file for divorce.”

“Then why didn’t he simply tell me that?” You asked her, but all you got was a shrug in response.

“I guess because he knew that he wasn’t going to be able to change your mind.”

“Hmm.”

“If I may ask, how are the two of you? I heard that some reconciliation may be happening?”

“Um, it’s… I guess you can call it that. Just taking it slow and steady at the moment despite me knowing him since I was fourteen. It just got to the point where I didn’t recognize the person that I had married and I wanted out.”

“That’s fair, but I have another question.”

“Yes?”

“When you do have the babies seeing as the two of you are officially divorced, are you going to file for full custody?”

“What? Why?”

“Well, Jack is always busy and always on the go. That just seems to make more sense to me. This is not me trying to get you to one up Jack. I’m thinking of the kids.”

“Taylor, do you not realize how messy that could get? I mean thank goodness the divorce wasn’t because he basically gave me everything but to keep his kids from him?”

“You aren’t keeping him from them, it was just a suggestion so that they could grow up in a stable environment. That’s all. I meant no harm by it. Even if you two are on good terms now, you never know what could happen.”

What you didn’t know was that Jack had forgotten his phone charger and came back to the house to get it from your shared bedroom. He didn’t expect to hear a snippet of your conversation with Taylor and her basically suggesting that you file for full custody but he also didn’t hear you disagree with her. This obviously made him feel some type of way and immediately felt like these last few months had been a waste of time if this was what you were going to do all along. Bottom line was that he couldn't trust you and he was determined to hurt you first before you hurt him.

Something had been bothering Jack for the last few days and despite him saying that he was okay and that it was nothing to worry about, you couldn’t help but to feel uneasy. He had been spending less and less time with you and you made it a point to bring it up tonight before the two of you went to bed. He was spending longer hours at the studio than before which you understood since his album was getting closer to dropping, but something didn’t feel right.

That was where he was currently when you got a notification on your phone saying that he had posted a new reel for a song entitled “Drive Safe.” You admit that you were excited seeing as that was what he would always tell you before the two of you parted ways, but it took a turn for the worst as you started listening to it and scrolling through the comments.

liked by urbanwyatt, neelamthadhani, shloob_, privategarden, and 1,283,743 others

jackharlow: drive safe prod by 2forwoyne

jackharlowsource: the dynamic duo is back! colebennett: neelam ain't a fan of her neelamthadhani: Mhmmm jackandy/naremyparents: all I know is this better not be about y/ninsta urbandjack25: um if I was this girl, I would be throwing up right about now quiiso: absolute fireeee allthingsy/n: hmm well we known neelam never liked y/n so there's that y/ninsta: oh lol 🙃 urbandjack25: ahhhh shit here we go jackharlow: y/ninsta got something to say sweetheart? y/ninsta: jackharlow don't bother coming home is all I'm going to say jackharlowsource: WAIT ARE THEY BACK TOGETHER? SOMEONE FILL ME IN. I'M LOST. allthingsy/n: I knew it was about her. jack is always fucking something up. I hope she gets with Dua, Clay, Giveon, Drake, or Bryson.

When you heard the door open downstairs, you flew down the steps so that you could be face to face with him. 

“JACKMAN, are you fucking serious? You plead and beg practically on your fucking knees for me to take you back and this is how you act? You write a song about me and make me feel like shit? That’s really what you think of me? The person who was once your wife?”

“YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS GOING TO FILE FOR FULL CUSTODY. BUT NOT IF I FUCKING DO IT FIRST.”

“What?! Where did you even get that from?”

“I heard you talking with Taylor! I forgot my phone charger and came back to get it and I overheard you two.”

All you could do was stare at him as he was now red in the face and fuming.

“Oh, don’t have much to say now do we?” He asked and you simply laughed to yourself.

“Then you obviously didn’t hear the part of the conversation where I disagreed with her and I said that it would get messy and that I would never do anything to keep you from your children.”

“Wait, what?”

“She was the one who suggested it, saying that it would be a more stable environment for them to grow up in one place.”

“Oh….”

“And I told her no.”

“Umm…”

“Jackman, get out.”

“I… wait….”

“What am I waiting for? You fucking embarassed me with that song and this isn’t the first time that you’ve embarrassed me in front of the entire world. The dead giveaway was saying Neelam doesn’t like her and telling me to drive safe. That’s what you would always tell me any time we leave each other. You took shots at me left and right and the sad part is because of who I am, you fucking know that I would do anything for you but I don’t get that same treatment in return. But now, we are not EVER getting married again. If you cannot simply come to me and ask me about something for clarification then we don’t need to be together.”

“Baby, I can fix this. Just let me fix it.”

“How? Fucking how, Jackman? The song has been released and it’s out for the world to see. There’s no coming back from that.”

“I’m sorry…”

“I bet you are.” You replied with tears pricking the corner of your eyes, but you were determined to not let them fall. 

“I just need…”

“No. You don’t need another chance. We are done here. Pack your shit and get the fuck out of my house. At this rate because of what you pulled, you’ll be lucky if I even let you in the delivery room. Do not call me, do not text me, do not DM me, do not send a fucking carrier pigeon to get a message across to me. We.are.done. Done for good this time. And because of what you did, I just might file for full custody since our children don’t know how immature their father is. And on that note, good night and good day to you.”

Taglist:

@harlowsbby

@babyharleezy

@hoodharlow

@stefansalvatoresgf

@jackiehollanderr

@primadxna-girl

@dessmxsworld

@cockslutslurper3000

@raelorns21

@variety-fangirl

@gbaabyyyy

@kamorsstuff

@harlowthot

@sinsandsuccubus

@curlyhairclub

@bootlegroach

@haylexo10

@thinkingaboutjharlow

@fluidsentiment

@charli123456789

@moody4world

@yourstrulymayah

@yana4life

@beanbagbitch

@alinaharlow

@carma-fanficaddict

@minaxcarter

@arination99

@xjup1t3r

@venusvinc

@jackharloww

@midnight-star47

@minkookie95

@inluvwithladybug

@exoticr0ses

@jharlowsangels

@jackierose902109

@knack4harlow

@cmalass

@megawhoree

@softtcurse

@sia2raw

@miniaturehideoutmentality

@hoya122

@nattinatalia

@jackslover12

@skyesthebomb

@jackharlows-world

@louisianalady

@fdl305

@automaticpeachsong

@harlowcomehome

@gassyandsassy1

@babygirlwilly

@amethyst09

@harrycanyonmoonn

@bout-mine

@tattered-tales

@sisiking99

@dessxoxsworld

@gillybear17

@jacksdaycare

@iheartharlow

@disaster-rose

@babyvinnie

@evansxchalamet

@chtkmyharlow​

@itsyagirljaz

@neon-lights-and-glitter

@awhore4moree

@a-moment-captured

@jackmans-poison

@valentinqee

@lightsoutstyles

@j-worlds-blog

@middlechild404

@0elliotswhore

@iknowdatsrightbih

@w1ldthoughts

@love2loveonme

@hufflewhore128

@shawtypoison

@fantasywritersstuff

@harlowtales

@its-jennarose

[andreas-river]

Hi I would like to request Ghost x König x reader angst/domestic comfort where the reader has a fight with Ghost, and König comfort them and after Simon cools of he joins in too

A/N: Hi, thanks for the request, I really hope you'll like it!

Warnings: polyamorous relationship, angst, hurt/comfort, description of female body, fem!reader, anxiety, fluff, a little of spicy at the end, MDNI

Disclaimer: I do not own any MW charachters. English is not my first language.

There are rare occasions where all three of you were together, relaxing after long missions or from the wounds gained. All three of you have your own way of reacting, but Ghost was the most complicated, so to speak-you can’t blame him. Even König became much quieter than usual. This time, Ghost was not silent.

He was like a loose cannon, his strings vibrating furiously even if you laid your gaze on him. You knew that you were not at fault, yet that thing, those eyes filled with a raging fire, manage to send you straight to the edge. The air was too tense; it was hard to breathe-not least because you were the only one wounded after the last mission, and the cracked rib complicated everything, but the one sentence he uttered just before leaving the kitchen-where you were sitting sipping tea-was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

“You should calm down.” he said, the tone of his voice low, as if muttering to himself, but the glance that gave you with the corner of his eyes said otherwise.

“Me?” he stood still at your voice, barely moving his head toward you. “You’re the one who’s roaming around the house like...”

“Like what?” his eyes were cold while staring back at you, his body completely turned to face you.

The words died in your throat. The stinging pain on your chest made your breath even more ragged. It wasn’t the first time like that, having not Simon in front of you, but only the ghost of himself looming around: it wasn’t anyone’s fault, but you were too sensitive lately at his behavior, making it painful even if it was only a small talk. And now you didn’t even care anymore to hold yourself, to swallow the lump in your throat and act as if nothing had happened.

“You aren’t the only one’s hurt here Simon, and not only physically..”  your emptied lungs blocked your voice, not even realizing the tears streaming down your face, feeling their saltiest taste on your lips.

You rushed to the door of the bathroom, leaving Simon alone, his mind now racing with too many thoughts.

You heard him walking; the steps getting closer to the bathroom’s door, staying in front of it for second, minutes maybe? Who knows. Only when you heard him walking away, you finally let te tears go, your chest burning from the pain caused by the crying.

Those were rare situations. Simon wasn’t that furious, but somehow a cold side of him was omnipresent, putting you down mercilessly in a void full of regrets. It was his fault? Or yours? Technically, you answered him back, but in front of you didn’t have Simon, and yet, that question echoed in your head like a broken record.

“Like what?”

Nothing came out of your mouth. The truth is, you just said something even if it was nonsense, just to make him talk, just to take him out from his own pain. This time, unsuccessfully.

“I’m back!”

You froze, hearing König’s voice coming from the living room, but without obtaining any answers. You try to recompose yourself, but the mirror showed you in awful conditions: red puffy eyes, cheeks wet from the tears, all your body still shaking and stiffened from the nervousness.

You drag yourself outside, slowly walking and facing König, his blue eyes filled with concern.

“Liebling*... what’s wrong?” he runs to you, cupping your face, wiping away some tears from your eyes.

He takes you to the couch, sitting on it while leaning his arm on your waist, your head resting on his shoulder trying to calm down your crying. König remained silent and waiting for you to talk.

“It’s.. probably my fault. I-I was too nervous, I just can’t stand it and I think I’ve... lose it, even-" you started sobbing again, but König stopped you, barely understanding what’s going on.

Only your sobs can be heard in the room, your eyes filled with tears blurred your vision. You feel a weight on the other side. Another presence joined you and König on the couch. You feel two hands- Ghost’s hand on your hands, soaked from your own tears. He grips them tightly, forcing you to meet his eyes: they were red, he definitely cried too; but you didn’t know that after you ran away from him, he soon realized his mistake. He tried to move, but nothing happened. Everything around him buzzing while he heard your muffled cries from the bathroom. His heart shattered in a million pieces, a dull ache in his chest drowning him.

He knew he wasn’t easy. He always had trouble managing himself, and now he hurt you in his worst moment.

But you were hugging him.

“Simon, I-“

“Shush,” he gently pulled you even closer, your face completely immersed in his shirt, while feeling König’s hand gently stroking your back. “It’s not your fault-“

“It’s okay, really.” This time you stopped him, your throat burning with every word you say. “Everything’s okay.”

That’s when you heard König moving behind you, his chest resting against your back, nuzzling his nose on the hollow of your neck, his arms surrounding your chest, squeezing your breast on purpose.

Simon gently stroked your hair, pressing his lips on yours, his warm breath like a light breeze on your face.

“The bed would be a better place...” König whispered in your ear, making you giggling, goosebumps all over your skin.

You smile, giving him a quick kiss. “Well, you’re right...”

*Liebling: darling

[thisapplepielife]

Written for @corrodedcoffinfest.

Rough and Rowdy Ways

Day #22 - AU | Word Count: 1000 | Rating: T | CW: Language | POV: Eddie | Pairing: Steddie | Tags: Van Tour, Known Destroyers of Hotels, Motel Desk Clerk Steve Harrington, Meet Cute

One more dingy room, one more motel that's just a little more rundown than the last. It's been a long few years on the road, each one getting harder and harder. They have upswings, and downswings, and right now, they're definitely down. Playing smaller venues in the middle of fucking nowhere, more often than not. 

They aren't famous, more infamous than anything, because there's been a few incidents over the years that have put them in the papers for less than flattering reasons.

Damages, lawsuits. 

Rough and rowdy.

Assholes.

That's the name they've made for themselves. Gareth is still on probation from the last hotel trashing, and that was the straw that broke the camel's back, making all the major chains put the kibosh on them staying anywhere decent for the near future.

Most of them have their pictures hanging up, like they're outlaws. 

Eddie sees an old, falling apart neon sign with an arrow promising a motel. He's not sure it'll still be there. It's a toss-up, for sure, as shitty as that sign looks. 

But when they see the gravel turn-off, there is a solitary car sitting in the parking lot. Something that looks too nice, too expensive, for a place like this. 

But, they'll have to try their luck and see if they can slide under the radar, pay cash, give fake names, and go unnoticed. Move on down the road tomorrow. 

There's a guy sitting behind the desk, and he looks out of place in this shitty, unkempt place. He's very kempt. The most kempt person Eddie's seen in days.

Gareth immediately rings the bell, and Eddie wants to throttle him. That's never a good way to make a first impression. And they are the ones needing something here. 

"One room, please," Gareth says. 

The guy looks them up and down, and then shrugs. Pulling two sets of keys off a peg behind the desk. 

He has pretty eyes. Very pretty eyes, pretty everything, really.

"Twenty dollars. Room four," he offers, like he doesn't give a shit if they burn the place down. Maybe he doesn't care. "Name?"

"Edward Jones," Gareth says, mashing their names together.

"Sure you are," the guy says, and they both look at each other, "just sign here."

"What's that mean?" Gareth asks.

"Edward D. Jones? The financial advisors?"

It's not ringing a bell. They carry their money in a duffle bag. They definitely don't have any advisors.

"Coincidence," Gareth says, and Eddie thinks it might actually be, because he's not sure Gareth would know that either. 

"Checkout is at noon," he says, and then picks back up the book he was reading.

Transaction over.

Eddie paces the room, and the rest of them are getting annoyed. Goodie has already kicked him twice as he's walked by, and Gareth is sassing him.

Just. That guy. Steve, his name tag said, but that might have been as fake as Edward Jones.

"I'm gonna go get ice," Eddie declares, and the rest of them all seem to sigh in relief that he and his nervous energy are leaving the room.

Eddie carries the cheap plastic ice bucket up to the counter, "Steve?"

Steve looks up, so maybe that is his real name.

"Where's the ice machine?"

"It's broken," Steve answers.

"Oh. Damn," Eddie says, leaning up on the counter, trying to encroach on his personal space, just a little. Steve doesn't back up, not an inch, which is impressive. This usually works to make people uncomfortable. "I really need some ice. It's so hot."

Steve is looking at him, straight in the eyes, "Is that so?"

Eddie smiles, and isn't sure what he expects might happen, but he'll shoot his shot. There's no harm in it, he'll never see this guy again, come tomorrow.

"I have an ice machine in the back, if you want me to get you some. It's not really for the guests."

"Well, I appreciate that. I won't tell any of the other guests," Eddie says, a little sarcastic, because he's pretty sure nobody else is here.

Steve rolls his eyes, and grabs the brown bucket, pulling it across the counter and disappears through the open door behind him. 

Eddie follows.

He's pretty sure he's not supposed to, but Steve didn't tell him to wait at the counter.

Steve lifts the lid and grabs the metal scoop, filling the bucket. When he turns, he catches sight of Eddie and the bucket goes flying, ice spilling all over the floor.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry!" Eddie says, holding his hands up, just realizing that he may look threatening. He forgets that sometimes. "I'm not, I won't. Fuck. I'm sorry."

And then Steve laughs, a nervous giggle that makes Eddie smile, "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I wasn't thinking. I'm a musician. Eddie."

"Jones?" 

Eddie laughs, "Munson. That's my best friend, Gareth Jones. A coincidence, I think."

And Steve smiles, just a little, "Okay, just. This place brings in the freaks and weirdos," Steve says.

And Eddie points at himself, eyebrows raised.

"Little bit," Steve teases, and Eddie grins.

"Let me help you pick up the ice," Eddie offers, getting down on his hands and knees, swiping it all towards himself. Then Steve is standing over him with a broom.

"This might be more efficient," Steve says, sarcastically and Eddie laughs as Steve sweeps up the mess.

Eddie's palms are black from the floor. And somehow it's not the dirtiest place they've ever stayed.

"Is there a sink?" Eddie asks, showing Steve his palms, and Steve nods towards the little bathroom off the breakroom.

There are personal items all over the sink, and a small, corner shower. Does Steve live here? Eddie suspects someone does, if it isn't him.

Steve is leaning in the open doorway, watching him, but in a curious way, not in a suspicious way, Eddie thinks. Which is good. Great.

"Do you live here?" Eddie asks.

"Unfortunately," Steve says, smirking.

"Wanna run away and be a roadie?"

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @corrodedcoffinfest and follow along with the fun! 🦇

[whiskeyghoul]

Pt.6 || She blinded me with science || [Spencer Reid x Goth!reader]

First part, Previous part, Next part

A/N: Ah okay this took a bit longer than expected. I really wanted to do this justice but that took a while oops. I really hope you enjoy it. A bit more good vibes towards the end. There are more plans for part 7 with backstory so hopefully that will be up and going soon. Maybe some spice? If people want? Let me know. Remember to please reblog when you can!

WC: 3,4K

Tags: alt reader, little hurt comfort, past relationships, making up, hurt comfort-ish, fluff. 

Warnings: Mentions of past relationship, toxic relationships, hinting at nsfw

Your POV

When Spencer left the office it took a few moments for Penelope to return. Being alone in the room, surrounded by computers and Garcia trinkets, it was still incredibly lonely. You felt horrible, tears were threatening to fall from your eyes. Like they had been the entire day. You felt like a dick. Spencer had been nothing but nice, kind, looking at you with those big brown eyes like you were the only person in the world. It was just unfair that when you finally had something, someone, to look forward to talking to, that it was all taken away. You were at fault too of course. It wasn’t just the situation, you actively pushed him away but only to keep him from getting hurt.

The door opened, Penelope walked in looking concerned. “Boy genius looked upset. What happened? What did you tell him?” the two questions you really didn’t want to answer. “I just told him I needed time to work on something. Fix something.” You answered after swallowing thickly. “You didn’t tell him about Tommy?” You told Penelope before about how bad your ex was, how he had snuck into the building and left you a ‘gift’. It was always about Tommy. He made sure of that. Popping back into your life when things went well. Squashing any form of happiness down, stamping it into the ground. 

The thing with Tommy was that when you had been together he had been almost dismissive when it came to showing it. Your relationship felt shallow, like you didn’t know the person you had been with. Only discussing the basics, never truly getting to know each other on a deeper level, when you did it was a rare occasion and you both used it against each other. You had a different kind of passion though. There was undeniable tension in the way you teased and called eachother names. It was a love hate relationship if you had ever seen one. Hate seemed to be your way of love with him. It lasted 6 months.

You don’t even remember how it came to be, because it happened on a drunken night out with a mutual friend. A former friend. Who made a comment about the way you berated eachother like an old married couple. You made a comment about how you’d never do him. He made a comment about how you would be lucky to have him. Jabs were made, words were said. Then suddenly, the next morning, you woke up in his apartment with your clothes discarded on the ground and black lipstick marks on his neck. Somehow it happened, and you don’t remember hating it, nor the time after. That was the start of it.

You do remember hating the end of it. Every week ended with a fight, and not in the way you had been used to. This didn’t have the usual quips and remarks, no it was truly using sore spots to anger each other. Every week he would try to make up, apologize, buy flowers or make dinner. But every week would end the same as the one before it. You were stressed, sick and tired of the continuous flip flopping of his personality. His words were venom, and every week it settled deeper into your body, festering, feeding this growing idea of leaving him. When you finally found the courage, the right time, his reaction shocked you.

He hit you.

He apologized profusely after that. Trying to reconcile once again but that was the straw that broke the camel's back. You packed up the few items you had at his apartment and left. Still he didn’t seem to be able to let it go. Every so often he would pop into your life. Like he had done the weekend before, leaving a gift on your doorstep. Something to remind you he was still there, watching you, following every step you took and swooping in as soon as you got close to someone. Making you relive the entire thing. This time it was a small paper gift bag with a tag that stated he missed you, inside was a jewelry box you didn’t even open. It sat there on your doorstep for 3 days until you caved and brought it inside. Still though, it sat on your dining room table, unopened. 

“Yeah… He uh… I don’t want Spencer to be caught in the middle of it. I don’t know how far Tommy is willing to go.” You shook your head slightly, trying to shake away the memories. Penelope stared at you, mouth slightly agape “And you didn’t think that the FBI agent could help you with your problem?” she managed to bring out, there was clear confusion in her face. “Yes, but I need to do this myself. I don’t want to burden Spencer with this. It’s my thing, and I won’t let him ruin something good again.” You took a deep breath, knowing you might have ruined your chances with Spencer just now. It made your heart ache, terribly so. “I can hack his phone, tell him to back off, put a virus on it so it opens every porn site known to mankind as soon as it gets close to you?” Penelope’s tone being serious made you crack a smile. “Let’s keep that as our plan B.” There was a hint of humor returned in your voice.

You thought about it, you really liked Spencer. Tommy was standing in the way of things for you and you needed to get him out of your life once and for all. You looked to Penelope, “I just hope I didn’t lose my chance with Spencer.” You admitted before you were enveloped in a tight hug. “I’ll keep an eye on him, let you know if our boy genius comes back.” She said as you returned the hug. She was a good friend. The best. Always looking out for you and you so hoped she felt the same about you. You thanked her before you took your leave. Promising to keep her updated on what you were doing. 

You: ‘Is Spencer back?’

You texted Penelope the question as you sat in the lab waiting for the centrifuge to finish. It was Wednesday, you had been able to talk to Tommy that Sunday. Talk was a big word. He took your contact as an admission that you still liked him. That you wanted him back. When you told him to leave you alone he got angry. Which threw you right back to the fights that you had with him before. It was like nothing changed for him. Things had changed for you though. You finally realized he didn’t care about you, he didn’t want you back, he wanted the idea of you. 

Spencer hadn’t shown up to work again since Thursday.

Penny: ‘No, I wanted to go check on him. I can’t get a hold of him.’

Penelope replied to your text. The ding of your phone pulling your attention back to it. The fact that Penelope, the sweetest, most caring, technologically adept person you knew couldn’t get a hold of him meant he really didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. ‘I’ll try and text him again.’ You sent the message to Penelope before quickly changing to Spencer’s contact. Your previous messages sat unanswered.

You: ‘Spencer, can we talk?’ Sun, 16:30

You: ‘Are you coming into work today?’ Mon, 8:38

You: ‘Spencer? Could you please answer me? I want to talk about what happened.’ Mon, 12:45

You: ‘I fixed it.’ Mon, 12:46

You: ‘Please text me when you see this.’ Tue, 15:24

It was ironic. These messages were so similar to what Tommy had sent you when you first broke up. You really didn’t want to become like him. Just when you had finally gotten rid of him. You sighed, typing out a new message. Hitting send you quietly waited for a reply. Turning the chair you had been sitting in. Looking at the phone screen every few seconds, anxious for an answer. Watching the minutes pass by felt like it was taking forever. Until the phone buzzed alive, the screen lit up with a message.

You: ‘Spencer, everyone is worried. Just let me know you’re alive.’ Wed, 12:36

Spence: ‘I’m okay’ Wed, 12:40

You breathed a sigh of relief, the nerves settling down. Finally, he was speaking to you again. Or well, texting you again. Which was better than nothing in all honesty. Missing spencer for 6 days has been torture. No conversations, no lunch together, not even a quick pop by the lab just to get the notes on a case. You didn’t think you could miss someone so much. Especially when you had only known each other for a few weeks.

You: ‘I’m coming over after work. I need to talk to you.’

Spencer: ‘What? You don’t have to. I really don’t need you to check up on me.’

You: ‘It’s not about checking up on you. I want to apologize in person, explain what happened…’

Spencer: ‘You don’t even know where I live.’

You: ‘So text me your address. Or I can ask your colleagues for it.’

Spencer: ‘...’

Spencer: ‘Alright.’

You: ‘I’ll get you something to eat on the way over. Anything you want.’

Spencer sent you his address, and a request for chicken tandoori from a place near his apartment. A smile crossed your lips, he had needed time but he was accepting you coming over. Maybe, you could make up. There was just a little glimmer of hope. You quickly texted Penelope that Spencer was alive, and you were going to check up on him later that day. Explaining you were going to talk about what happened, to hopefully get on his good side again. Maybe have a shot at going on a date again, though that was probably too soon. You realized you had hurt his feelings, terribly so, but it was to make sure you could get rid of Tommy. Without him hurting Spencer in the process. You didn’t know what he would be able to do. An explanation was necessary, for sure.

So you stood in front of Spencer’s apartment door. Bag of Thai take-out in hand. You had texted Spencer before you left the Thai place, letting him know your ETM just to make sure he was prepared for you showing up. Nerves had begun to coarse through your body. The fact he could still be angry with you was weighing deeply in your mind. Though accepting your coming over was a step in the right direction it didn’t mean he’d necessarily want to listen to what you had to say. You just hoped he would be willing to listen. To have a conversation.

You reached your free hand up, knocking on the apartment door. Waiting a few seconds before hearing movement inside. The door opened and Spencer stood in the entrance. His hair was disheveled, a slightly large cardigan hung from his frame, just a t-shirt underneath. His eyes were tinged red. He looked… not so great. Tired. You had really hurt him. A sinking feeling in your stomach, it was terrible to see him like this. You never wanted this. “Hey.” The word came out strained. “Hi.” Spencer said in return, his eyes looked you over. You realized you weren’t looking so hot yourself either. Comfy clothes had been your go to for the past 2 days, a sadness settling in your bones at not seeing Spencer, not hearing from him. A way too large zip up from some band you didn’t listen to anymore, with holes at the cuffs from nervously picking at them in times of distress. You had foregone makeup too, not feeling the motivation for it the past days. 

“I brought the thai you wanted. We should eat before it gets cold.” You said, holding up the take away bag with a sad smile. Spencer took a step to the side, “Right, thanks.” He said as you walked past him into the apartment. It was somehow exactly what you expected from Spencer but still surprising. There were books everywhere you looked. The massive shelves that lined a wall were filled to the brim. There was a leather couch in his living room, where a blanket laid haphazardly over the arm. A small table sat next to the window, a chessboard atop with a game configuration.

It smelled like him. 

“I really like your apartment, it suits you.” You complimented as you had your look around. Taking everything in as Spencer walked to a small dining room area. “Thanks.” Spencer’s answers were short. Annoyingly so. You walked over to the table, placing the take out on the table. Watching as Spencer got plates and cutlery out and handed you your set. You got all the food out, separating yours and Spencers out and placing them on different sides of the table. You wanted to face him when you apologized. So when you both sat down you took a deep breath. “You w-” “I am s-” Both Spencer and you spoke at the same time. It was so similar to when you had both spoken that Thursday before. You let out a soft laugh, it was borderline ironic that when you wanted to apologize it happened in a similar fashion as when you upset him.

Spencer looked at you with a hint of confusion, maybe a bit of disdain at your laugh, “You wanted to talk?” he said as he piled his plate with the chicken tandoori that smelled so flavourful. “Yes. I wanted to explain, apologize…” you said, slowly putting some rice and chicken masala on your own plate. “I am sorry about what I said. I was afraid you would be caught in the middle of things that would put me in a bad light. Or maybe make you realize I am not worth the trouble.” You started, “I have an ex, Tommy, who ehm… how do I even explain this.” You felt nervous, this was the first time you had actually said something about Tommy to a guy you might like. “Tommy wasn’t the greatest. And when I finally broke up with him he couldn’t let it go.” You watched Spencer’s expression change, you couldn’t place it though, it wasn’t pity. Pity is what you usually get when you tell people about your emotionally abusive ex. No, this was different.

“He stalks you?” He said before you could continue. You were a little surprised he found that out with the words you used. Before remembering that’s what he does, behavioral analyst. Finding answers through just the smallest of details. “I hope he won’t anymore.” You answered, “I talked to him. He found out about you. After we went to the museum together he had left me something.” You continued, “And it made me realize that I didn’t know how far he was willing to go to keep me from meeting someone. I did not want you to realize I am not worth the trouble of dealing with a stalker. Or, for you to get hurt because of something he did.” you fell silent, Spencer was so too. His eyes on you felt heavy. Analyzing every little move, facial expression. “Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t… I don’t think that. I wouldn’t think you aren’t worth the trouble.” He sounded just a little upset. Like the mere thought of you not being worth the trouble was appalling to him. “But you still could have gotten hurt.” You protested. “If I was scared of getting hurt I wouldn’t have joined the FBI.” He answered so seriously. It made a wave of relief wash over you. 

Spencer took a bite of his food, which reminded you that yes, you were here to eat too. “So… You’re not mad at me?” You asked before taking a small bite of your own food. It was nice, Spencer was right to order from here. “I’m not… I was sad, a little confused at first. I knew you were hurt too… which is why I wasn’t mad. And I am not mad now.” He explained after swallowing his bite. “I am hurt that you didn’t tell me. That you think I would leave at the first signs of trouble.”

You nodded your head, he had a right to be hurt. “I’m sorry, I was just, people tend to leave. Or I don’t let them get close enough to really know what was going on. It caught me off guard that you were the first. How quickly it happened too.” your voice still sounded a little strained. Speaking words and thoughts that had subconsciously taken up your mind. Ones that you didn’t give the time of day before to fully develop, to acknowledge. Penelope sent him on purpose, she must have known, or had an inkling that the good doctor would break down your walls. His disarming nature, sweet demeanor, his smile. Everything about him made you feel safe. It was terrifying.

“So what did you say to get him to back off?” Spencer asked, seemingly a little interested, though his voice was a little soft. You cleared your mouth, “Well… I don’t know if it worked just yet.” you started. “But, I eventually made him realize how stupid it is to threaten a person who has access to lab equipment and various kinds of poison. Oh and also that if he so much as glances at me again Penelope will put a virus on all his electronics that will cause them to irrevocably be loaded with porn and viruses.” You felt just a little devious, a small smirk playing on your lips. You looked up at Spencer who had his mouth slightly agape, his eyes wide as he processed your words. He looked surprised until a soft chuckle escaped his lips, “Remind me to stay on your good side.” He laughed.

You missed that sound more than you would like to admit. More than you expected.

“I don’t think you could ever get on my bad side.” You said it, eyes softening as you looked at Spencer. His eyes mirrored yours. There was a kindness in them with a hint of sadness still. “I wouldn’t even want to try.” he said those words almost like a whisper. They were imbued with tenderness. It made a shiver run up your spine, a warmth settled in your stomach. “Can we go back to normal?” You asked, putting down your utensils on the table, “Please?” You didn’t want to plead but you didn’t want to lose Spencer. The only thing on your mind was wanting to be close to him again. You waited, watching as Spencer thought for a moment. The silence was nerve wracking. The only thing you could feel in that moment was your heartbeat. The seconds felt like minutes instead. You waited in bated breath hoping he’d be willing to make up. Hands fidgeting with the holes in your sleeves. Teeth assaulting the inside of your lip.

“Yeah… I’d like that.” You let out the breath you had been holding, relief washing over you at his words. Shoulders sagging down as finally relaxation took over fully. “Thank you, I couldn’t stand not hearing from you every day.” you spoke and you watched Spencer visibly relax too at your words. “It was hard to ignore you.” He confessed. “You better never do it again then.” Yeah, this started to feel normal again. “And you better finish your food. You gotta get up early to meet me before starting tomorrow.” You teased, taking a bite of your own food. “Or you c-'' Spencer stopped himself, a small blush tinging his cheeks. It was a little surprising, you didn’t understand what he wanted to say, but he looked extremely adorable blushing. “If you want, we could watch a movie after?” He said, it wasn’t what he wanted to say at first, but it was something that he wanted to spend time with you again. “I’d love to.” You nodded your head yes.

So after dinner, you sat on his couch together. Both dressed in your shabbiest clothes. Your head leaned against his shoulder, a blanket wrapped around the both of you. The smell of Spencer completely enveloping you. Completely at ease. Though still wondering what he really had wanted to say.

Tag list: @luvkatryna @emma-e-a @littlemadamred @cultish-corner @styleiconsize0 @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @depressedbutartsy @mikariell95 @jasf444 @queermaxwooo @ill-be-okay-soon-enough @sammy-4103 @thedevioussmirk @pleasantwitchgarden @khxna @mega-kittyglitter-1 @superlegend216 @seninjakitey

[koopageneral]

INANIMATE INSANITY SEASON 2 EPISODE 15 SPOILERS. PLEAASE GO WATCH IT

Omgaaa I need to EXPLODE cuz of Taco’s Tirade. Gonna go on a rant analysing it prty much line-by-line so STRAP IN!! (Shout out to everyone who worked on this masterpiece omfg)

It starts off with what might be considered ‘normal’ Taco. Her making fun of the contestants. There is a little bit of hinting at her sympathy towards the contestants, although it’s incredibly shrouded in her mastermind facade. Calling them ‘pathetic’ and comparing them to blindly obedient dogs with ‘how they run to fetch their sticks.’

We get a little bit more with ‘Sure, call me polemic, unsympathetic.’ It shows how shes aware that she’s a problem, although at this point in the song it’s unclear to the audience whether she’s saying it in a way of ‘yeah call me it cuz it’s true, I don’t care.’ Or if it’s ‘call me these things, yeah, but I’m more than that.’

‘Look at me and all you see is the debris of some defective outcast.’ Feels like it’s getting into the meat of the song, and the episode as a whole, of how Taco has realized how she’s pushed everyone away for the sake of the game. The fact she has her arms tucked away during it gives another interesting interpretation, of it actually talking about before her big reveal, and how she was treated differently because she was, in her words, ‘defective.’

‘A frenetic, antithetic (if poetic) iconoclast.’ Frenetic means wild and energetic, probably, again, referring to her season 1 persona. Antithetic means opposite of something, and iconoclast means someone who attacks cherished institutions. This gets into her want to tear this entire show to the ground for the suffering it’s caused everyone.

‘I wont live in the past. I almost won this game once, you know.’ I’m just gonna parrot what @lemonxlimee said cuz they put it pretty succinctly with two words. Taco. Girl.

Then we get to the lines that got me started on this tirade (Pun intended.) ‘History is rearranged just to credit those who win the glory. So reality has changed in the edit when they spin the story.’ AUGH. Her fucking staring down at the hotel made of the money she spent SO HARD and lost SO MUCH to try and get. I. I want to scream about this. I don’t know how to put my thoughts on this line into fucking words.

‘And we choose to feel this pain.’ Going off the last line, Taco, out of almost anyone in the cast, knows how much you have to go through just to get a chance to win, which goes right into the next line.

‘We lose more than we gain.’ She lost Pickle. You might say that she didn’t actually care, but I’m not sure if I believe that. I feel like she might not have at first, and maybe even never when they actually were playing together. But you can’t convince me she doesn’t hate herself for using him on a plan that resulted in nothing. She also lost Mic, and it’s incredibly clear how much that affected her. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and showed her the flaws in this system.

‘I will break this cycle of mistakes unlike all of these snakes whom I call to condemn.’ She is fucking DETERMINED to make everyone see what they’ve sacrificed. She speaks with a level of contempt towards them, yes, but I feel like it’s more her projecting her feelings about the contest onto the contestants.

Then we’ve got MePad being best therapy boy. ‘You are incapable of starting over.’ She wants to be better. But she doesn’t feel worthy.

And then MePad’s slightly naive optimism with ‘I do not know who you lost, but is it not possible to get them back?’ He’s programmed to see the best in everyone. He wants things to work out. He doesn’t see how hard it might be to just make things better after a relationship exclusively built on lies.

This naivete is immediately contrasted by Taco’s all-encompassing pessimism. ‘Clear the slate, start again, do you hear how preposterous that sounds? How do you not comprehend that for someone with my monstrous background, the whole slate has fallen apart.’ To Taco, the bridges between her and Mic or Pickle are nothing but smoldering piles of rubble after all the pain she’s put them through.

This contrast is even more stark with the duet of ‘It’s too late’ and ‘It’s not too late.’ I don’t even know what to say about that, it’s pretty black and white.

For the duet, gonna go one character at a time for simplicity. Starting with Taco.

We see taco’s turmoiled feelings on whether she’s to blame, with ‘It’s not I, it’s they who deigned to play.’ Even after all of this internal conflict and deep personal realizations, there’s still a part of her that wants to cast the blame of the pain she’s caused onto the ones she’s hurt.

Another deflection she throws out is, honestly, probably more fair, if still not great. ‘This game, so cruel and inhumane, base and uncouth.’ This really gets into her main philosophy for the episode. She’s afraid to take responsibility, and pins the blame on the show for pitting everyone against one another. I want to make it clear, her point is incredibly valid. We see during THIS EPISODE how much it turns people against eachother. The challenge is entirely built around making the contestants spill their true feelings about each other, and using that to fuel drama. Suitcase literally has to choose between two people she cares about over who she’s bringing into the finals, pitting Baseball and Knife against eachother. While the show is ‘cruel and inhumane’, I don’t think that should just be a het out of jail free card for Taco. Yes, she did it because she felt there was no other choice to win, but she still did horrible things. She manipulated 2 people into actually believing she cared.

‘They’re too afraid to bear the bed they made, can’t bring themselves to face the awful truth.’ This is pretty much just her saying that the other contestants are too blind to see how much pain they’ve gone through to get to where they are.

NOW. Baby boy therapist, MePad.

‘You’re no menace, Taco, how did they hurt you?’ He agrees with Taco on the grounds of how much pain the contestants go through, but he’s just a little more concerned about the tact needed to show them. He knows that Taco wants to change, but she’s afraid to. He knows how much she wants to apologize to the people she’s hurt. He feels that there has to be something external she’s dealing with to have this level of spite in her, even if there isn’t, and all of her hate is towards herself.

‘Please think this through’ is pretty self explanatory. As I said, he agrees with Taco about her basic ideals, but feels like there are better ways to deal with the issue.

‘Feeling double crossed is part of dealing with the loss, yes, but the healing is a process, that’s the truth.’ He wants to see Taco get better, and he’s trying to get through to her about the fact that her feelings are entirely valid, but she has to, at some point, let go.

I also feel like the sound mixing is very purposeful. Taco’s voice rings through clearly, able to be heard without much difficulty. MePad’s vocals are softer, and a little quieter and harder to make out. Taco is so in her own head about the pain she’s gone through, she refuses to listen to any outside voice.

Then we get to Taco trying her best to cover up her emotions again and put on her mastermind persona with ‘I’m turning up the heat to sauté, I’ve some beef to get grilled. But I guarantee that today all the beans that get spilled won’t be mine.’ I love how this foreshadows the challenge, but doesn’t make it obvious.

We see one last crack in her facade in the penultimate ‘I’m fine.’ Again, the ‘mistake’ in this line feels incredibly purposeful. It’s incredibly pitchy and bad, to an almost ear-splitting level. Taco knows she isn’t actually okay at ALL, and has trouble telling such a blatant lie.

And then the last line, ‘now it’s time’, is her fully donning the mask once again, ready to expose the show for what it is.

ANYWAY. Uh. Thanks for reading all this bs. I fucking love this song so much, and I think Taco’s motivation in this episode is fascinating. Any comments or constructive criticism of my analysis is MORE than appreciated, hope you all have a wonderful day/night/whenever.

[bunniekittiee]

Birth Control Crisis

Doing this for all of my mfs who have had bad experiences with birth control and it made them depressed, bipolar, crazy, etc. I was right there too, and I just started another brand of pills because my last ones were not making me feel good. So I'm writing this from my own experience, think of it as a vent piece. Also this is with a fem. reader btw

Characters: Raiden and Bi-Han

Warnings: Mentions of self harm, suicidal thoughts, mental health crisis

Raiden-

The Thunder God did not understand the purpose of oral contraceptives right away until his girlfriend explained it to him. After learning more about it, he felt guilty. Although she was taking it because her periods were draining and horrific every month, it still did not settle with him that there were many side effects that could harm her. Blood clots, skipping periods, spotting, diabetes, heart disease, strokes, absolutely anything could go wrong if her body reacted to them negatively. But what made him the most concerned was the mental health part of it. Raiden read over the big paper that came with the pills that described instructions and side effects, and the most alarming one to him was the mental toll it could possibly take.

But he hoped for the best, and he supported her no matter what.

Adjustment was hard. Her breasts were sensitive to touch and ached for a couple of weeks. Wearing a bra made it more uncomfortable, but any fabrics that rubbed against them also made it worse. Raiden would gently massage them for his girlfriend if she asked. She frequently got headaches that turned into migraines which made it hard for her to go out for dinners or be around bright lights. But Raiden still did his best to make sure she was well. He knew it was just the adjustment period and she would be okay in the end.

That was, until her moods began to change. More agitated, she was snappy with her boyfriend. Sometimes she picked fights, sometimes she took something Raiden said out of context, or sometimes she straight up ignored him.

As much as he tried to sympathize for her, his feelings were hurt. His thoughts screamed at him that she was beginning to experience the worse side effects of the birth control pills, but he continued to tell himself that she would adjust.

One fateful day that changed his whole perspective and attitude was a very eventful one. She had known prior of Raiden's crush on Kitana due to Kung Lao's gossiping, but she had never brought it up to Raiden. Raiden didn't think much of it, and one day he was catching up with Kitana at the Wu Shi Academy when from afar, she had spotted them together. Sitting on a bench. Close proximity.

This scene warped her mind. With the depression, pent-up anger, and extreme mood shifts, this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Anger flaring and her emotions at a high, she turned away quickly from them, walking back to her and Raiden's home that they shared. Her mind was frazzled. How could he do this to her? Didn't he know how sensitive she was? How miserable in her body she was? Was it because she gained weight since starting the pills? What was it?

Why wasn't she good enough?

Raiden bid goodbye to Kitana and made his way home, a little anxious to get back. He felt impending doom, like he was going to arrive to something that was very alarming. It made him quicken his pace.

Their home was a disaster. Raiden felt his heart lurch as he saw photos of them broken on the floor, glass strewn about. His immediate thought was that she was in danger, so he ran to their shared bedroom where she was shoving her clothes into bags.

"My love, what are you-"

"Shut up Raiden." She growled as she narrowed her eyes at him. "Do not play dumb with me, you fool."

He was taken aback. She was much more aggressive than before. This was something he was not used to at all. "What is this all about? Please, my love, we can talk about this. What is going on with you?"

"Go to your other lover since she's so great. I knew I should have never trusted you. You are still hung up on her." She chuckled bitterly. Her eyes flashed with anger at him.

He pieced it together in his head what was going on. "Honey, Kitana and I were just catching up. There was nothing else behind it, I promise you."

"You speak lies, snake." She spat as she abruptly stopped packing. "How can I trust you? I don't believe a word out of your mouth!" Her voice was beginning to raise, and Raiden felt his patience was being tested.

"When have I ever broke your trust?" He questioned as he slowly began to approach her. "Please, you are being irrational and we can easily talk this out."

Jaw clenched, she grabbed a bag and pushed past Raiden. "Out of my way. Irrational? I'm being irrational now."

"Please come back. Let us try to figure it out." He pleaded as he followed her.

"Figure what out Raiden? There is nothing to figure out, and there is nothing you can say that will make it any better. Just let me go." She said angrily. He could not let her leave, not when this issue was unsolved.

"I cannot let you do that. Please, what is going on with you? You have been so mean and callous. What have I done wrong?" He asked her, standing in front of her and looking worried. "This is so unlike you."

This seemed to falter her movements, and it stunned her almost. The silence was long as she avoided eye contact and the stare boring into her face from him. He was waiting for his answer.

"You would not understand. And it is none of your concern. It is mine only." She said thickly.

Raiden grabbed her by her shoulders. "No. It is my concern whether you agree or not. Tell me what is going on."

She struggled to get out of his grip. "Let go!"

"No. Not until you tell me. Do you realize how much I love you? I cannot let you walk out that door without knowing what is going on inside of your head." He gently laid a hand on her cheek to pull her gaze to him. Her eyes watered as her anger burned, yet the misery she held began to crack. Raiden saw this right away and he knew he was getting somewhere. "Talk to me, my love."

She cried, she cried for a very long time. And Raiden held her, listening to her miserable cries that hurt his heart too. But he knew that it had to storm before a rainbow could form. So he let her cry, explaining to him between sobs that she felt depressed, on the verge of hurting herself, and how angry she was at everyone in her life. How it was easy to take it out on Raiden because he was the one she saw everyday. How jealous and bitter she was. How she sometimes wished she could go to sleep without waking up.

No doubt it would haunt Raiden for quite some time. His worries before her getting on those pills were now a nightmare come true, and now he had to pick up the pieces. First, she had to get off of those pills immediately. And Raiden did not want her on any type of contraceptives for a long time. Not until she fully recovered. It took a while to see his normal, bubbly girlfriend that he was used to seeing. She was not her normal self for some time, and Raiden made sure to be with her every step of the way. He took extra time to spend with her, he made sure she was kept busy while he was away, he took her out for dinner once, maybe twice a week so she had something to look forward to.

He wanted to help her no matter what. That was all that mattered to him. He just wanted her normal self to be back again, and he wanted her to be okay.

Bi-Han-

The Grandmaster was a busy man, and he thought his wife understood this well. Bi-Han did research on birth control pills for her wife as her periods were intolerable for her, and he almost did not want to give her the option of it. Of course, he did not want to see her in any pain, but the side effects and health risks concerned him. Really concerned him. So much so, he made her do check ups once a month to make sure that she wasn’t at any risk of forsaking her health.

The last visit, the medic had said she gained a little bit of weight which was normal on the pills, but she took it as an insult. Like there was something wrong with gaining weight.

Bi-Han did notice her weight fluctuations but he did not care enough to tell her or make it a big deal. Because it wasn’t. He still loved her all the same and thought she was just as beautiful as the day he laid eyes on her. Weight gain would not make him stray. As if anything at all would make him stray.

But she focused on it a lot. Sometimes, Bi-Han would catch her staring at her body in the mirror and tugging at her skin. Examining her body. He would tell her how beautiful she was, but she never seemed to believe him.

Bi-Han decided to plan to take her out on a date to Madame Bo’s. They hadn’t went out for some time, and he told her to get ready. As she was getting ready, Liu Kang had arrived to the Arctika with urgency. He grouped the brothers together and told them that he needed them now for a mission. There was an intruder in the timeline that they needed to take care of. Bi-Han did not want to go, as he had planned a date with his wife, but he had no choice.

So he walked back to his shared chambers where she was putting the last few touches of her makeup. “My love,” he said as he entered the room. “I am very sorry to say this, but I must cancel the date. Liu Kang needs us for a mission as it is urgent. I am very sorry. I will take you out sometime when I get back.”

She looked at him and frowned. “Okay. Be safe, Bi-Han.” He went to hug her, but she hugged him back stiffly. He wanted to question her but he had to leave as soon as possible.

On his mission, his mind was occupied as his brothers could tell. She was on his mind. Sure, she was disappointed that he had to leave, but it seemed like there was something more behind her behavior. He was worried. Really worried and anxiety flooded through him the longer he was gone. And unfortunately, the mission was longer than he had expected. He was gone for five days, and during those five days he was ridden with anxiety. He wanted to get back home to see his wife.

And the day finally came. He and his brothers rushed to get home. They were worried about Bi-Han because he was quieter than usual and did not sleep much. They wondered if there was something wrong with his wife, but they did not ask.

Entering the palace, he rushed to their chambers in hopes that she was there waiting for him. But he was stopped by Sektor.

“I am happy to see you back. I need to talk to you.” Sektor said.

“Talk to me later, Sektor. I do not want to deal with work at the moment.” Bi-Han replied dryly as he tried to walk past him. But Sektor stopped him again.

“It is about your wife.”

“Is she okay?” The anxiety was now making him nauseous.

“After you left, she, what’s the best way to describe it?” He thought for a moment as Bi-Han impatiently waited. “She had a very bad episode and reaction to you leaving her. She did not leave your chambers, she stopped eating, she only slept and cried from what the servants told me.”

Bi-Han felt his heart pang. “Is she in there now?”

Sektor grimaced. “She tried to hurt herself, Grandmaster. I was lucky to find her in enough time to stitch her wounds. She is in the infirmary.”

The Grandmaster did not know whether to be angry at her or really sad. He stalked off to the med bay to see her. He was full of mixed emotions. Why would she do this to herself? Why did she do this to him? Why was she like this?

But the most important question that haunted him was…

Why did he not notice beforehand?

He was before the door to the infirmary and pushed his way inside. One of the medics had informed Bi-Han where she was, and Bi-Han had many questions.

“Did she say why she did this? Are her wounds grave?” He asked rather quickly.

“Her wounds will scar. There was quite a lot of them, but they were small. And we assessed her mental health and she is not well, Grandmaster.” The medic explained as his heart panted more. “She is mentally unstable. I believe it is due to her contraceptives.”

He nodded his head. He was hurt. Hurt that she did this to herself and he was not there to help her. He arrived at her room and entered. She was asleep, arms in bandages as she curled into a small ball. Bi-Han walked to sit beside her, and she awoke at the sounds of the chair.

“Bi-Han.” She breathed.

“Why did you do this to yourself?” He asked gruffly. “Are you pathetic?” He was angry. Angry at the world he supposed.

Her eyes watered. “If you are going to berate me, then leave me alone.”

“I don’t understand you.” Bi-Han replied. “Why did you do it? Was it for attention? I don’t get it.”

“Why would you?” She said with her voice raising. “You don’t understand how I feel. What I feel. You never will!” Tears now streamed down her face. Bi-Han’s heart fell to his stomach.

“Then talk to me and tell me what is going on.” He said as he crossed his arms. “Please, I want to know what is going on with you. I want to hear it from you.”

She cried very much, but she explained it all to Bi-Han. How much she hated herself. How she felt depressed and suicidal. How she felt like no one cared and how she felt like a burden. He listened to her intently as he held her hand, gently holding her as well while she sobbed into his shoulder. She told him that she felt unloved when he had to cancel on her, despite it not being his fault, she still could not help but feel that way. And it made her feel guilty.

Bi-Han was incredibly hurt that she felt that way and she did not tell anyone. He was angry at himself rather than her for not knowing what was truly going on. How he ignored the signs.

But now, it was clear to him. And he wanted to make everything right again. He took care of her wounds despite how much it affected him seeing those self inflicted wounds on her body. He made sure he was with her almost 24/7. He made sure she was okay mentally, and although some days were harder than others, she battled them like a true warrior.

And he made sure to make up him bailing on her that day. He took her out to eat and let her eat as much as she wanted. And afterwards, he took her to the shops and bought her a few gifts. Seeing her smile and face light up was all worth it no matter how much he spent. Because he understood that he could have lost her that week he was gone.

Things were never normal at first, it took a very long time for her to return back to her regular self. And Bi-Han had made sure she never returned onto oral contraceptives again. He could not bear to lose her again to medication. He lost her once, he would not do it again.

[i-wanna-die-like-now]

Bnha x dp fic!

Aizawa is not one to freak out, he is calm and collected and he never shows his students just how badly things can effect him, that is if he's able... and right now he was freaking out. Kaminari had burst into the staff room yelling about Fenton having a daughter. Aizawa wasn't a rocket scientist but the kid was 14 and there is no way he is old enough to even get anyone pregnant, let alone have a daughter out of the womb already. The math just didn’t add up. If that was really the case then they had a very serious issue on their hands, Fenton wasn't the most mature boy and he definitely struggled with being responsible with Eri, they had a rule that he was not allowed alone with her for longer than an hour unless it was an emergency, Fenton was good in emergencies. He didn’t fool around when lives were on the line.

It was not because he didn't trust the boy to be alone with their new daughter, it was simply because he caved at everything that she wanted and dramatised everything further for his own entertainment. Which wouldn’t be too bad, 14 year old boys are silly and like to goof around. The issue was that no other 14 year old boy had ended up making all of his and Hizashis food come to life and attack last time they were left alone with their daughter, he was still finding left over yogurt in the kitchens corners and so the rule had been put in place.

It wasn't the first straw, just the one that broke the camels back and to his credit Fenton had agreed with no hard feelings.

So hearing the news that he somehow had a daughter was a shock but this was Kaminari, everyone knows to take everything he says with a grain of salt. That isn't to say he doesn't believe him, it was very clear that Kaminari did believe it and he had to have heard it from somewhere, he wasn't one to lie like that. If Fenton did in fact have a daughter then he was doing the correct thing in coming to the staff. Dread pooled in the bottom of his stomach, had Fenton been taken advantage of? The only thoughts running through his mind was that his student could have been hurt. Luckily for him Hizashi spoke up first and so he didn't need to find his voice right away.

"Woah there little listener! Slow down, who has a daughter?"

"Danny! He- oh my god he just told us he has a daughter, thats insane right?" He sounded hysterical.

"Well-"

"Because this is Danny we're talking about!"

"Kid." Finally speaking up he folds his arms and frowns at his student, "Fenton told you that he has a daughter? This came from his mouth?"

"YES!" The kid was pulling at his hair, eyes wild and face flushed.

"Are you sure?"

"Ask Tsu she was with me! He said daughter!"

"Christ-" cutting himself off he looks towards his husband, he found comfort in the fact he looked just as lost as him.

After calming his student down and comfirming multiple times that he did indeed mean a real human daughter and not a pet they sent him on his way. Both he and his husband went straight to Nezu, the rat had to know how to deal with this.

The rat did not know what to do and had laughed no cackled in their face, Aizawa didn't think the situation was funny at all and neither did his husband, However, they knew better than to try arguing with the principal. They had done their jobs and informed him of the development and had happily taken their leave as his manic laughter followed them out of the office, almost taunting them.

Hound dog was their next stop, Fenton had mandatory therapy sessions with the pro every week so he had to have mentioned something to him. It was just their luck that he seemed just as shocked as them, without breaching his client confidentiality Hound dog made it clear that this is the first time he's hearing about a daughter and that he is extremely concerned about Fentons wellbeing and the child's safety.

With the dead-end Aizawa decided that he would need to talk to Tsuyu, she was the other person present when Fenton had supposedly told Kaminari, she walking out of the cafeteria when he managed to flag her down.

"Fenton. Kaminari says he has a daughter?" She blinked her huge beady eyes at him, hands coming up to rest in her t-rex stance as she mulls over his words.

"He said so ribbit."

"What exactly did he say?" Maybe he was pushing a little too hard but if it was a misunderstanding then everything was fine and they didn't need to worry, if it wasn't, it was a different can of worms altogether.

"Her name is Dani, with an I but she prefers Elle, something about being her own person ribbit. He didn't mention much, you know how he is ribbit."

"And he said she was a human child?"

"Yes." She blinked again, "didn't the staff know ribbit? I would think UA would know about that kind of stuff."

"It's not on his file." Sighing he waves her off and makes his way to the teachers lounge, pit in his stomach, before he had even opened the door he was ranting off.

"Hizashi. Doing the math on if the child was born this month, thats 9 months ago for when she was conceived. He would have barely been 14, if she's older..." his husband put his cup of coffee down and nodded solemnly towards him. "If she was older..." He repeated the words but still couldn't find it in himself to finish the sentence but he didn't have to, Hizashi understood what his change of tone meant.

"How about we ask him? We need to know these kind if things, the fact it's not on his file is reason enough to ask, I don't know why Nezu isn't taking this seriously."

"And how exactly do you want to go about that? If it was traumatic for him- if it- he's fourteen Hizashi!"

"Who are we talking about?" Nemuri looked between both heroes, confusion clear on her features. "Did you say conceived?"

"Fenton. Apparently he has a child, two people witnessed Fenton himself saying he had a daughter." Aizawa watched his colleagues face carefully, she was a flirty woman and often made inappropriate jokes but her face only showed horror.

"He's a first year... that's... do you know how old she is?" Nemuri loved her students and it was clear the news was a shock. "Do we know how old the mother is?"

Taking his seat next to Hizashi he shakes his head glumly, scooting herself closer she leans on the table and hardens her gaze.

"You said Nezu isn't bothered? I would have- do you think he knew? He's smart, he wouldn't have let it slip past him." Sighing Aizawa picks up his husbands coffee and downs the cold liquid, the bitter taste grounding him.

"We don't know, he laughed when we spoke."

"But you know how he is," Hizashi spoke up, "He could already know and just be toying with us."

"Fenton doesn't get time off campus to even see his child, maybe he's not involved." While Nemuri brought up a good point it didn't feel right, Fenton was always involved with his friends and family, its who he is. "What did Hound dog say?"

"That he didn't know about it but that he's worried for both Fenton and his child's safety." Aizawa rubbed his eyes, this was exhausting. "Which is all he could say because of patient confidentiality."

"You're joking?" She sounded absolutely feral, "Surely that goes out of the window in a situation like this!?"

A groaning All Might slipped into the room, his skinny form hunched over as he dragged his feet and took a seat next to Nemuri. Deciding it best to drop the subject for the time being Aizawa stood up and left without another word.

The next day Fenton was in his classroom with Todoroki, they were Whispering in hushed voices over a sheet of paper, watching them for a while he leans against his desk with his arms crossed.

Fenton was young, his face was sharp and angled but he still had baby fat on his cheeks. His frame was small as if he hadn't hit his growth spirt yet, he may have the muscle but it was clear his body wasn't done growing, nobody would look at this child and think father. His tie was always crooked, his uniform untucked and messy as if thrown on half hazardly, like a child getting ready by themselves. He laughed at stupid jokes and played childish pranks on anyone he could, Fenton was not old enough to be a father. He was barely old enough to be a teenager.

"Fenton, a word?" Jolting up he shoved the sheet of paper they had been working on into Todorokis blazer with wide eyes, like a child getting caught doing something they shouldn't be.

He had never noticed how small his class was, how young, they were children.

"What's up!?" Now having his full attention he gets closer, taking a seat on the desk infront of the boys.

"It's about some information I've been told by one of your classmates."

"It wasn't me!" Keeping his face calm he raised one of his eyebrows as a challenge. "Sir I promise, Izuku said that we were allowed to spar and I didn’t mean to break the mirror but it's so hard to remember I can go intangible! Heat of the moment and all that!" Todoroki had a slight wide eyed look as he glanced between the two of them, "And okay maybe I did try and fix it with ice when i should have got help but I didn't know it would shatter as soon as it got cold."

Rubbing his temples Aizawa leaned foward, "I was talking about something else but please continue."

"No..." trailing off with a panicked look Fenton caved in on himself, "I've said too much."

Everything he had been thinking about slapped him in the face, Fenton Danny it was such a sweet and childish name, he doesn't even like going by Daniel, he was a child.

Christ.

"I was talking about something you said to Kaminari and Tsuyu. Do you know what I'm talking about?" He seemed genuinely confused, eyebrows drawn together as he thought.

"No?"

"This is a serious and private matter, would you like Todoroki to leave while we talk?" Shaking his head Fenton watches him warily. "Do you have a daughter?"

The strangest thing happened, instantly all the tension the boy was holding was gone, eyes lighting up and crinkling as he smiled a huge toothy grin.

"Oh Elle! Yeah she's awesome, you scared me!" Under his breath he muttered, "I thought I was fucked."

"Fenton. You understand that you are not technically underage legally in Japan, correct?" He hesitated and nodded, "However, i know you havent been in japan long. I know at your age You're going through changes..." Fentons face passed through a series of emotions, finally landing on horror while Todoroki watched on in amazement. "I know its not a comfortable conversation but it needs to be had." Sitting in a better position he takes in his students face, green flushing over his cheeks.

"I am only here to advise you, there is no judgement, if the mother is over the legal age then we dont have a legal issue. Unless it was not in japan. Do you understand?"

"I-what- Sir I dont-"

"Okay." Talking a bit softer he shuffles in his seat, "You are old enough to know consent and the law, and I fully understand being curious as you grow up but you're still young. Protection is important not only against pregnancy but also STDS. I understand if you're trying to protect the mother or yourself but I need full honesty here." Like a flip of a switch Fentons face flamed bright green as he flailed his hands around.

"Nono! Oh my god- fuck- Elle shes- oh my- Elle isn't my bio daughter! She's not even really my daughter!" Jumping up he looks between him and Todoroki, "She's my clone! Oh my gods, please don't say anything else!" Running his hand over his bright green face Danny uses his other hand to wave at him, "Please stop!"

"You don't have a daughter?"

"NO!" Aizawa would have laughed at the humiliation waving off of Danny but he too was feeling rather embarrassed, that and he was filled with relief that one of his kids was not a father.

"This Elle?"

"My clone! She was made by my nemesis Vlad, remember when I mentioned him!?" Aizawa did remember, it was hard to forget that his 14-year-old student was feuding with a grown man. "Yeah she has my DNA and some would technically call me her father but that is not how we work! She's 12! We just say that to mess with people, it was a joke!"

"Well okay, I'm glad we had this talk and I'm glad you're not responsible for a child." standing up Aizawa pauses, "Nezu?"

"He knows everything about back home, he asks so many questions." Falling against Todoroki Danny hid his bright green face in the others blazer. “Please stop.”

“Well... Good.” Walking back to his desk Aizawa felt his own face burn.

At least he didn't have a child...

(I googled the age of consent in Japan for this and It made me sick, at least their ministry panel has tried to raise it...)

@deltaoftheufe I wrote it!

[fuckinthewholetown]

Fallingforyou - Matty Healy Chapter One

I’m kind of shitting myself posting this but, it is what it is. If you think it’s shit, feel free to tell me, but please be nice or I will cry. I’ve also only skimmed over this so if there’s any typos, please tell me so I can fix this.

Tags: Slight angst, swearing, mentions of religion, gay, probably bad writing

Word Count: 2309

As much as you love touring, you’re the first person to admit it can get repetitive. Wake up in a random hotel room, get to the venue, sound check, perform, and repeat.

However, today is different. Today you’re performing a sold out show at Wembley Stadium to 90,000 people. This is the day you’ve dreamt about since you were five, giving one woman performances to your parents in your living room. And the cherry on top is you get to do it with four of your best mates.

Your day starts off as normal, doing your skincare routine in a hotel bathroom in the heart of London. You’re living the dream. That is until you hear a knock at your door. As you’re walking over to answer it, you pull your hair out of the makeshift pony tail it was in previously. Before you could fully open the door, it barges open and your guitarist and best friend Maddie O’Connell storms into the room.

“We need to talk.” She says, pacing back and forth.

“Ok, calm down. There’s absolutely no reason to be this stressed. Take a crystal.” You say, pulling some green agate out of your bra. You’re met with no response, just a deadpan stare. “Noted, not in a crystals mood. What’s up, this is the best day of our careers, it must be something big to get you this stressed.”

“You have to look me in the eye and promise that you’re not going to freak out” She says, sitting down on a seat in the corner of the room.

“I promise. Unless you’re shagging Matty Healy or Harry Styles, then I revoke that promise”

“Not exactly… It’s Ross” She says, refusing to look you in the eye. You stay silent, internally freaking out but refusing to break the promise you made to her. She takes this as you not understanding what she’s on about “Ross Macdonald… The bassist of the”

“Yes, I know who you’re on about!” You say, cutting her off before she can say anything else and send you into even more of a mental breakdown. You stand up, now it’s your turn to pace the room. “You’re fucking the bassist of my favourite band and you just conveniently don’t tell me until 5 hours before the biggest show of our careers? I love you to death, but you need to get better timing babes”

“I know,” she says, still refusing to make eye contact with you, “and we’re not fucking. Well, we are but it’s more than that. I like him, and I think he likes me.”

“How long?”

“Six months…”

“Six months!” This information is enough to stop you in your tracks, “you’ve been shagging the human equivalent of Jesus for 6 months and you forgot to mention it!”

“I’m sorry! I knew you’d freak out because you’re a big fan and I wanted to make sure it was serious before I got your hopes up. However, I’ve kinda been forced into telling you.”

You sit back down, confused over her last statement. “What do you mean forced into telling me? If one of the girls is secretly a bitch and forcing you into this, we can become a group of four. I’m a big boy, I can sing and play an instrument at the same time.” That half joke is enough to make her finally make eye contact with you.

“It’s nothing like that, the girls don’t know yet you’re the first person I told. I’ve been forced into telling you because they’re coming tonight, all four of them are watching the show.” And that statement is the straw that broke the camels back, you’re officially freaking out.

“What? They’re watching us tonight? All four of them are watching us? Oh god, I have to look Matty Healy in the eyes knowing I’ve read the dirtiest tumblr fanfiction about him. I read one of him as a priest, oh god I’m going to hell!” You say, putting your head into your hands. Maddie on the other hand does not see the seriousness of this situation and bursts out laughing.

“Him as a priest? Didn’t strike you as the religious type.” A chuckle escapes your lips as you finally return the eye contact.

“I went to an all girls catholic school actually, I love Jesus.”

“You came out of that school with minor alcoholism and even more gay than you were when you went in, I think Jesus would be disappointed.” She quips back. You laugh, standing back up from your slight mental breakdown.

“I’m happy for you, I really am. When are they getting here?”

“Just before sound check.”

“Before sound check?” You respond, falling back into your mental breakdown. “That’s in less than an hour. I’m meeting my celebrity crush and your new fuck buddy in less than an hour? Get the fuck out, I need to do a full face in 20 minutes!”

You all but push her out the hotel room, scrambling to get ready for the biggest moment of your life.

After somehow managing to do your hair, makeup, and put on a hot ass outfit in under an hour, you walked into the green room at Wembley Stadium. What met your eyes was what could best be described as a sight out of 16 year olds you’s wet dream. All four members of The 1975 sat around the table, gossiping about who knows what. As you walk in, the room goes silent. Luckily, your bandmates are there to quell the awkwardness. The pianist of your band, Sienna Turner is the first to speak.

“Boys,” She says, standing up and dragging you by the forearm into the circle, “this is Y/N!” You were expecting to be met with blank stares, but instead the boys jump up to greet you, tackling you into bear hugs. It’s a warm welcome off everyone. Well, mostly everyone. The man you’ve loved since you were a teenager stays sat in the corner of the room, closed off and refusing to even acknowledge your existence. You figure it’s probably just him being an introvert, so you go over to introduce yourself personally.

“Hey.” You say, hoping for any kind of response. You don’t get one. No acknowledgement, no hey back, not even a snarky comment, he just ignores you. This is not how you imagined this day would go.

“Damn,” you follow up, “I knew you’re an Aries, but I didn’t think you’d act so much like one.” You let out a slight chuckle. He, on the other hand, does not find this so funny.

“Good God.” He responds, rolling his eyes and taking another sip of his drink.

He hates you. The man you’ve been enamored by for almost 10 years despises you. The only possible explanation is he’s seen your private TikTok reposts of endless thirst traps of himself. Nevertheless, you had a show to do. And if there’s on thing you can do despite external feelings, it’s fucking shit up on stage. You nail sound check, sounding better than you ever have. Probably a mix of adrenaline and frustration over the fact that your childhood crush seemingly hates you for absolutely no reason.

You exit stage after sound check, immediately going back to the green room to get ready for the actual show. As you’re getting your makeup and hair done, conversation flows. You and your friends are talking to the boys as if you’ve been friends for years and you didn’t just meet them an hour ago.

“So, Y/N. You’re into like crystals and shit aren’t you? What’s that like, I don’t really get it.” George says, turning all eyes on you.

“It’s not for everyone, but I find comfort in manifestation and things like that. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think incense will cure cancer but keeping rose quartz in my bra definitely isn’t going to hinder my love life.” You laugh, trying to keep your response brief.

“Bullshit.” Comes from the corner of the room. The first words you’ve heard from Matty since your brief conversation earlier in the day. The room falls silent and you feel a red hue cover your face. The longer the silence, the thicker the tension in the air. You clear your throat, trying to restrain yourself from going over to him and giving him a black eye.

“Like I said, it isn’t for everyone. I was cleansing my room once and my mum thought I was smoking weed. When I told her what I was doing, I think she’d have preferred if I was doing drugs.” Everyone starts laughing and the room erupts into conversation again as if nothing happened. Every so often, you catch a glimpse of Matty in the corner of your eye. He never seems to move, his phone in one hand and a beer in the other. As you zone out of the conversation, your mind moves to deciphering why on Earth he could hate you so much. Nothing comes to mind, you’ve never met him before and you’ve definitely said nothing bad about him publically. Quite the opposite in fact, as last year a drunk video of you singing Robbers went viral on TikTok.

You zoned out for so long, before you knew it it was time to go on stage and perform the biggest show of your life.

“Ok girlies!” Ava Fletcher, the drummer in your band and also the member you’ve known the longest, speaks up. “This is it. No pressure but there’s 90 thousand people out there who’ve come specifically to watch us, so if we put on a shit performance our careers are probably over. But absolutely no pressure, just have a good show.” You laugh, leaning into the group hug you do before every show however this one felt different. The sense of adrenaline and fear within the group was unlike anything before. There was a lot riding on this show, and if you fucked it up a lot of people would be disappointed. However, all of these feelings are washed away when you’re wrapped into a hug by George.

“Blow their fucking minds out their.” He whispers into your ear. All feelings of nervousness are washed away when you realise you’re being hugged by the drummer of your favourite band. You go around, being given motivational speeches by every member of the band. Well, almost every member other than, you guessed it, Matty. He encouraged every member of your band except you, walking off before you could get to him.

The beginning of every show is always the worst. Hearing the roaring crowds increases your heart rate tenfold, but the stakes are even higher for this show. With one last group hug, you put your in ears in and run on stage, ready to start the show. As the show goes on, you occasionally glance side of stage to where the boys are standing. Everytime you make eye contact with them, they give you an encouraging smile or thumbs up. Matty on the other hand continues to evade eye contact, choosing to watch a different member of the band. However that didn’t stop you from putting on one hell of a show, and that’s what you did. You blew the metaphorical roof of that stadium, it was arguably the best show you ever did. The adrenaline high you had once you ran off stage couldn’t be ruined, even by a moody former celebrity crush.

The moment you exit stage, you’re immediately crushed by a massive group hug involving your band and the boys. Despite all of this, the only thing you can focus on is the hand around your waist. It’s Matty. You don’t think he meant it, instinctively putting it there when he was dragged into the hug. Nonetheless the area he was holding felt like it was burning under his touch, his calloused hands leaving marks on the skin underneath them. The group hug is cut short when he pulls away, clearing his throat slightly and going back to cradling his drink.

You do the rounds, talking to everyone backstage and discussing the nuances of the show and how amazing the audience were. This repetitive conversation continues until you get back around to him. You expect to be met with no eye contact, maybe an eye roll if you were lucky, but what happens next surprises you.

“You did alright out there, Princess.” The confusion on your face is palpable, at both the nickname and his sudden talkative nature. “Princess, like Princess Kida from The Lost City of Atlantis. It’s funny because,” you cut him off.

“Our band name is Lost Atlantis, yeah I get it. It’s funny.” You respond, a dead pan expression on your face. The tension was obvious, you could cut it with a knife. That is until Moon Dixon, your bassist, comes up behind you and wraps you in a hug.

“We’re all going back to Maddie's place to have a few drinks, you joining us?” She says, mostly to you but including Matty in the conversation as well.

“Yeah, let me get into something less sweaty and gross first though.” You laugh, trying to hide your disappointment as he walks off to join the rest of his band.

Get over yourself, you thought to yourself as you walked back up to your dressing room. Just because Mattys a dick doesn’t take away from the fact that this is the best day of your life. You just performed your biggest show ever, and three out of the four members are lovely. But despite this, you can’t get the curly haired man out of your mind. You see him every time you blink. How have you gone from badass pop girlie to pathetic simp in the space of three hours?

Chapter Two

[inconspicious-random-thoughts]

Trio

A thing I think about occasionally is Vox former friendships.

We know the Vees. The 3 overlords friends that made their own tight little family and regularly hang out often.

But its also semi applied there was a time Vox and Alastor use to be pals. One assume they hung out with each other. We also know that Alastor enjoys his friendship with Rosie and visits her.

So with this information, one would think that the three of them would pal around before Val and Vel fall and Vox falling out with Alastor. So there a chance there were times that Vox just hung out with Rosie and Alastor similar he does with the Vees now.

Its just fun imagining the three of them just gossiping and sipping tea or just wrecking havoc across the pride ring or having a bit of fun with some carnage.

I would think hanging out with cannibals, Vox had his fair share of demon flesh. I don't think he gets queasy over it. Just he doesn't prefer it, but it surprised how tasty it can be when prepared well. Especially when it disguised to taste like pork or chicken or something.

It's just fun to imagine them being their own little family and their own dynamics from it.

Or Vox just played 3rd wheel, be the butt of most of their jokes and got jealous whenever Rosie had Alastor attention.

But if they were a endearing family. Did Alastor interact to Vox similar to Rosie in 'Hello Rosie!'? If they were that close, what was the breaking point. I know they had opposing views on technology. Vox, clearing interested in its advancement, perhaps was willing to leave Alastor in the past along with older technology but I doubt that the last straw that broke the camel's back.

Looking forward to season two as Vees, primary Vox will be main antagonist. The drama they will cause to a weaken Alastor from Adam and the Vee knowledge of it. Waiting for more backstories to be revealed. Until then, I'm going to enjoy the thought or Rosie, Vox, and Alastor being a "wholesome" (It is Hell) family together.

[lumpy-veev]

A loose thought in my head about our dear, sweet Lady Ethereal. Spoilers for Nine Sols ahead!

Okay. So. Eigong was definitely the one who did this, right?

If any of the Dusk Guardians could tell that Lady Ethereal had life support unhooked from her Vital Sanctum, at the very least they'd hook it back in, right? Bar that, they'd find a way to wake her up, right?? They'd have no reason to stick her in a jar, they're just here to work until they're discharged. So it wasn't them.

None of the other sols had reason to do it.

Goumang had complicated plans to make her greenhouse adhere to, and while she knew that solarian brains could be used for the neural network, she didn't seem interested doing so.

I'd wager Yanlao has exactly zero knowledge about anatomy and biology, he was too busy kissing up to the rich.

Jiequan wouldn't have done it unless there was transmutational value in it, and though he probably would've found Lady E's suffering interesting, he probably wouldn't have gone with the jarred brain method.

Fuxi was dealing with Tianhuo, and Nuwa's a rich, traumatized brat who's more worried about her brother than anyone else.

Kuafu just straight up wouldn't do something like that.

Yi was dead!

In the final boss battle, Eigong has this to say to Yi.

And...

She tried to trap Yi in her Soulscape. She was expecting it to last longer. She knew how to make her Soulscape something other than pleasant dreams and a gallery of memories.

I'm not saying this is concrete evidence. But it's something.

But why would she do that? Why would Eigong subject Lady Ethereal to an utter loss of autonomy and 500 years of horrifying nightmares? The whole thing's excessively cruel, even for her.

Maybe Lady Ethereal discovered something.

My thought is that Lady Ethereal caught a glimpse of the truth, and it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Not only were her colleagues and her beloved daughter dead, the system they died for was going to be used by the person that created the Tianhuo, that doomed solarian-kind.

So right before she put herself in her Vital Sanctum minus the life support, she sabotaged the Soulscape system, planning to die with its secrets.

But Eigong found her. Pried open her mind to find out how to fix it, and then made her a part of her life's work.

Made sure she didn't die, for good measure.

[gvfgal]

Grovel (Make it up to Me)

Josh Kiszka x Reader

18+, Minors, kick rocks!

Content Warnings: Anger, arguing (lots of cussing and mean words, sorry), angst???, graphic sexual content, body worship a lil, oral (f rec.), unprotected sex (don’t do it), probably some more but you get the gist.

A/N: Stuck in quarantine, never written a fic before, so needless to say this is my first. Be kind I’m sensitive (: 

Word Count: 3.7k

            · · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

You stormed through the front door of your home in a fury, not caring that your purse, which you aimed to throw on the barstool chair, toppled clumsily to the ground.

Josh was hot on your heels, his anger matching and fueling yours.

In your mind, he had no reason to be upset, and you had every reason. Typically, you weren’t one to get jealous at your boyfriend’s silver tongue antics. His mindless flirting whenever the two of you went out was something you’d grown accustomed to. You knew he never meant any real harm at the end of the day, and who were you to stop his shine?

But tonight was different.

For starters, the young lady he had found himself in conversation with was gorgeous. Drop. Dead. Gorgeous. And to make matters worse, she was the complete opposite of you. While you had more of an edge to your style, usually clad in leather and 80’s metal band tees, this girl was a bubbly little something, dressed in a matching pink skirt set, and heels that made your feet hurt just looking at them.

Josh was, in your opinion, overly eager to introduce himself to her, and he must have complimented her at least a dozen times while you sat sidelined listening in on their conversation.

You had no doubts in your own appearance, but seeing him so enamored by someone who couldn’t be any more different than you had you questioning your boyfriend’s attraction to you.

Secondly, while on a normal night, his flirting would only last a total of ten minutes, tonight, the conversation carried on for what seemed like forever. As you nursed your amaretto sour, you checked your phone every so often. Ten minutes turned to 15, 15 to 30, and before you knew it, a whole hour had passed of them chatting away, and Josh barely acknowledging your existence. 

Only once during their conversation had he turned to speak to you, and only then it was to say, “check and see where the guys are, would you, y/n?”

As if that weren’t enough, the straw that broke the camel's back was when the girl invited him to the dance floor, and he hastily obliged, not even bothering to get the go ahead from you first.

Not that he needed it, you were by no means in control of him, but it was the principle of the situation; a courtesy, if anything. For fucks sake, he hadn’t even danced with you yet.

Your anger brewed inside of you as you watched him twirl the barbie doll around on the dance floor, smiling and enjoying himself a little too much to your liking.

As you watched, you felt a hand grace your shoulder, and you snapped your head over venomously, more than ready to lay into whoever it was, but upon seeing that it was only Danny, you un-tensed only slightly.

Danny looked at you in confusion, “what’s got you foaming at the mouth, Dollface?”

Your eyes left his and landed back on Josh, Danny following your line of sight.

Once he was privy, his eyes widened a touch.

“Oh… yikes.”

“Real comforting Daniel, thanks for that,” you bit out.

You both continued to watch the two, dancing around without a care in the world, until the mystery girl leaned in and whispered something to Josh that caused him to throw his head back in a fit of laughter.

At that moment, you decided you’d had enough.

Slamming your empty glass down, you snatched your purse off of your seat and stormed out of the bar, Danny calling your name from behind you, but at that point it was all background noise.

Josh immediately noticed your absence and looked to Danny for some sort of answer. Danny simply shrugged, then nodded his head towards the exit you just blew out of.

You were in the car, Josh’s car for that matter, about to put it in drive and abandon him at the bar, when you saw his figure rushing towards you, jumping into the passenger seat before you had a chance to speed off.

Curse your anger for making you forget to lock the doors.

Without a care in the world, you put the car in drive anyways, and it jerked forward as you raced out of the parking lot.

Josh’s expression was bewildered, “what the fuck y/n? What are you doing? Were you really just about to drive off in my car and leave me here?”

You were in no state to be civil, and your response was quick.

“Oh please, Josh. Your head was so far up Malibu Barbie’s ass I’m surprised you came up for air long enough to notice I was gone.” 

Josh let out a humorless laugh, letting his head fall back into the passenger seat.

“Look, I’m sorry, alright? I didn’t know it would make you that upset.”

It was your turn to laugh, “really? You didn’t think flirting with some bimbo in front of me all night, buying her drinks, dancing and snickering with her would make me upset? Guess you’re a lot dumber than you look, Joshua.”

His expression changed to one of anger, “hey now, no need to get disrespectful.”

“No, what’s disrespectful, is you carrying about like you don’t have a girlfriend, when in fact you fucking do. Have you forgotten that?”

And so the bickering began, back and forth you went during the duration of your car ride. His words only make you angrier, and yours did the same for him, curse words and jabs fly about in the tight space of his car.

Jealous crybaby.

Disrespectful asshole.

Fuck you.

No, fuck you.

Granted, both of your behaviors were spurred on by the number of drinks you’d had throughout the night, neither of you drunk, but definitely looser in the tongue.

He had tried to apologize a number of times, but as the arguing continued, his apologies became less and less sincere, and more so as a way to get you to shut up.

And it hadn’t been any different by the time you reached your house. You tried your best to put distance between you, feeling yourself growing more and more irate by the second, and there was no telling what would fly out of your mouth next.

Josh had followed you up to your shared bedroom, still shouting behind you.

“For fucks sake, y/n? Any other time you have no problem with what I do and tonight you decide to act like a raging bitch about it. We aren’t at the bar anymore, I’ll never see that girl again, I fucking apologized a thousand times already and you’re still going on about the shit.”

Your back was turned to him as he spoke, but as the words left his mouth, you spun around so quickly it should’ve made you dizzy, and you marched up to him until your faces were inches apart.

“A raging bitch,” you spat, laying heavy emphasis on the last word, “so now I’m a bitch because I don’t want my boyfriend disrespecting me? In my presence on top of that?”

You could see a minute change in his demeanor, knowing he fucked up by letting those words leave his mouth, but still he didn’t back down.

“I didn’t call you a bitch y/n, I said you were acting like one.”

“Oh don’t even try to pull that shit. Just own up to what you fucking said.”

You turned around and stormed into the closet, an idea sparking in your mind. If he wanted a raging bitch, you were gonna show him one.

“Maybe I should’ve chosen my words more carefully, and once again I apologize. But damn, can you blame me? I mean look at how you’re acting over something so small.” 

He gestured to the way you were slinging your discarded clothes and shoes about, not caring that you were causing other things to lose their place in the process.

“It may be ‘something small’ to you Joshua, but it isn’t to me. And the fact that you can’t even see that, says a whole fucking lot.”

Josh ran a hand over his face in pure exhaustion of the situation, but you paid him no mind, changing into a pair of leggings and an oversized sweatshirt from your alma mater. He watched you silently as you paced about angrily, ignoring his presence completely, that was until you retrieved your duffel bag from the top shelf, and began slinging clothes into it, disregarding the fact if they were clean or not, you’d figure it out later.

“Really,” he sighed in defeat, no longer angry, “mama, what are you doing?”

“What does it look like,” you responded through gritted teeth, “and save your ‘mamas’ Joshua, that shit isn’t gonna work.”

He watched as you finished stuffing your bag full, signaling that you planned to be gone for a while, before you pulled your Ugg boots on, slung your bag over your shoulder, and brushed past him out of the door.

“Damn it y/n,” he hollered after you, following your quick feet descending the steps, “I already apologized, are you really about to just leave?”

You were by the front door now, “I already told you, just as many times as you apologized, that your apologies don’t mean shit. You can’t even see the wrong in your own actions.”

He sighed once more, only this time, you could tell his anger was starting to return, “So what do you want me to fucking do, huh? You want me to beg for your forgiveness?”

Now there’s an idea.

Turning on your heels, you narrowed your eyes at him.

“Yeah, why don’t you go ahead and do that?”

Josh’s brows furrowed in utter confusion, he wasn’t sure if he had heard you correctly.

A low “huh?”, was his only response.

“You heard me, Joshua. You don’t want me to leave,” you slung your duffel bag to the floor roughly, “then get down on your knees and beg me to fucking stay.”

Stunned into silence, the two of you stood there having the stare down of a lifetime, the silence in the house adding to the suspense.

Finally, after several moments, Josh slowly began moving towards the ground, dropping down onto one knee, then the other, all while keeping his eyes trained on your fiery ones.

Silence continued to linger on, until finally he broke.

“I’m sorry, mama”.

Sure, he knew you had told him the name wasn’t going to work, but you both knew how much of an effect it really had on you.

He took your feet one by one, removing your shoes and placing gentle kisses to the top of each of them.

“Don’t leave, okay? I’m sorry. I’m so, so, sorry.”

You could feel that familiar feeling begin to creep in, but too drunk on the power of the situation, you decided to take things a little further.

“Sorry for what?” you pressed, looking down your nose at him.

Still on his knees, his hands reached up to the waistband of your leggings, eyes once again finding yours, a silent question of approval. When you nodded, he proceeded to pull them down your legs at an agonizingly slow pace, eyes never leaving yours.

Once they were at your ankles, along with your underwear, he helped you gingerly step out of them, discarding them on the floor behind himself. 

He grabbed a handful of your thighs, a hint of malice in his grip, before you repeated yourself.

“Sorry for what, Joshua?”

He returned his focus back to your lower legs, his touch much more delicate as he began peppering your calves with barely there kisses and flicks of his tongue.

“I’m sorry for disrespecting you,” he finally caved, speaking in between his actions, “for making you feel like anything less than the most important girl in the world to me.”

Moving higher now, he continued his assault, kissing and nipping along your inner thigh, just above your knee, a particularly tender spot on your body.

You did your best to hold back the moans that threatened to escape your mouth, hoping that Josh was too occupied to notice. 

“It was stupid of me, giving that girl so much attention when I have an absolute knockout to call my own.”

“Very stupid,” you agreed, only now your body was betraying you, and it came out as more of a whisper than you intended. 

Josh smirked to himself, he knew you were slowly breaking.

Trading between both legs, he kissed and kissed, licked and licked, higher and higher, becoming more intentional with his actions, until you could no longer contain yourself, soft whimpers pouring out of you at every contact of his mouth to your skin.

“Yes baby, very stupid. And I’m sorry.”

His eyes locked in on your exposed core, noticing how it was already glistening with your arousal, thanks to the moonlight that seeped in through one of the windows. 

“Can I show you?”, he spoke up, “how sorry I am?”. He leaned in and placed a closed mouth kiss to your heat, his eyes fluttering shut briefly before peering back up at you.

“Can I, mama?”

He had you, and you’d be a fool to say otherwise.

“Yeah Joshy,” you purred, allowing one of your hands to find the wild tuft of curls on his head. You yanked slightly, “show me.”

Satisfied with your submission, he hoisted one of your legs over his shoulder, using his other hand to spread your pussy open, before diving in like a man starved.

You inhaled sharply as he began working furiously at you, gripping your clit between his lips and flicking at it with his tongue. He released it with a lewd pop, before flattening his tongue and licking up all of the wetness that was pooling out of you steadily now, simply tasting you.

“Fuck, Josh,” you drew the word out as you tightened your grip in his hair, “yeah, just like that.”

He removed his mouth from you momentarily, looking up at you with a smug look only he could manage, “yeah mama, like that? Is that what my pretty baby needs to get rid of that little attitude of hers?”

“Fuck you,” you sighed, no malice behind your words as your head fell back and hit the wall behind you, “keep going. Don’t stop.”

Heeding your words, he resumed his assault, letting his tongue sink fully into your entrance before retreating and licking a steady path back up to your now throbbing clit. 

There was something in the way he was devouring you, a hint of anger still behind his calculated movements that, rather than pissing you off, only pushed you closer and closer to your release.

You whined and moaned shamelessly above him, not caring that he had you unraveling like this when just minutes ago he had you so mad you were seeing red. You deserved this, and more than that, you deserved to enjoy it.

Hardly ever coming up for air, he continued with fervor, practically holding his own make-out session with your desperate cunt. 

“Josh, fuck. It feels so fucking good oh my god,” you mewled as you began rocking and swiveling your hips along with his movements, your end swiftly approaching.

“Mmm, I feel you mama, I know you’re ready to let go. You know I know your body better than anyone,” he spoke directly into you, not caring to remove himself from you yet.

“Let go for me, beautiful, all over my face. It’s what I deserve, you deserve to make a mess of me.”

His words had you trembling, and there was no way you could hold back any more.

With one more deep breath, you came hard, all over his face like he asked. He laid his tongue flat and let you ride out your high, words you weren’t even sure were words exactly, spilling out of your mouth as you did so.

Once on the other end of your euphoria, you shivered as he slurped away any of your release that he didn’t catch, seemingly satisfied at his job well done.

He was back on his feet in the blink of an eye, and had you pinned against the wall. 

“What do you say,” his tongue darted out to lick over your parted lips, still panting in recovery, “am I forgiven now?”

His fingers dug into your hips so sharply that it caused you to hiss, but quickly you let a mischievous grin creep onto your face.

“Not a chance. You still have some fucking groveling to do.”

A deep growl rumbled up from inside of him, and he swiftly spun you around until your face was flush against the wall.

He pressed into you, and for the first time that night you felt just how hard he was as he began grinding himself against your bare ass. He was so hard you could feel the heat radiating from it, and you couldn’t help but sigh. You needed him badly.

“You’re lucky I like this,” he groaned into your ear as he continued to rub against you, finding rhythm to his movements. He had an ironclad grip on the back of your neck as he pushed you further into the wall.

“No. You’re lucky I’m giving you a chance to make up for your bullshit,” you bit back, tone lazily venomous.

Breathing a long drawn out breath into your ear, he finally pushed away from you as he began to hastily undress himself, removing his plain white t-shirt first, before unbuckling his belt and tugging off his jeans, shoes having been long discarded.

You followed suit and removed your sweatshirt and bra, and when his eyes found your chest, he all but lunged forward and began attacking your breasts.

“Josh,” you moaned as he bit particularly hard on your left nipple, pulling slightly before releasing and wrapping his mouth around it to relieve the sting. He repeated the action on the other side as you reached between your two bodies and began lazily stroking his cock.

He moaned against you at the sensation, having been touch starved during this entire exchange.

“Wanna… wanna suck it,” you pleaded.

“Uh uh mama. You said I still have some groveling to do right?” He pinched your nipple, but before it could hurt too much he released, turning you swiftly back around on the wall, “so let me. Let me make it up to you.”

You nodded, squirming in place at the anticipation of him being inside you, “okay Joshy. Make it up to me.”

His fingers dipped to toy with your folds, and you released a shaky breath you were holding.

“Look at that, gorgeous. Still so wet, still dripping for me,” his tone turned smug, “you must reaallyyy want it. Must be aching for it.”

“Josh,” you warned, sounding far less authoritative than you felt, “you’re in no position to tease right now. Please… just,” your sentence slipped into a moan as he continued languidly playing with you.

“I know what you need, baby. I’m gonna give it to you. Right now.”

He removed his fingers, and although you couldn’t see him, you could hear him suck them into his mouth, moaning around them, this only made you want him more.

Finally, after stroking himself a couple times against your ass, he gripped himself in his hand, lining up with your clenching entrance.

He slipped his cock over your clit once, then twice, before he nudged his tip in.

“Perfect little pussy,” he sighed, throwing his head back, “I could never want anything else in this life.”

With that, he slipped fully into you, and you yelped loudly at the sensation. Such a burn, such a stretch, but oh so fucking good.

After gaining his composure, he placed his hand back onto your neck to prevent you from moving, before he began his brutal pace.

Your mouth hung open as he pounded into you, the squelching sound of your bodies together sounding like the most beautiful song you’ve ever heard.

“All I fucking need,” he huffed with every rough stroke, “all I fucking need baby. You and this beautiful cunt of yours. God you’re so perfect.”

You whined in response, and he removed his hand from your neck, opting for wrapping it around your throat to pull you into him.

His hips continued to piston as he licked and sucked on your earlobe, “you know that, mama? You’re so goddamn perfect, you’re all I need. Tell me, tell me you know that.”

“I.. I,” you tried your best to answer him, but as your second release approached, it was hard for you to form words.

“Say it baby, come on,” he growled into the shell of your ear.

“I know, Joshy. I know.”

You could feel his thrusts becoming sloppy, and you knew he was just as close to climaxing as you were.

“Nobody else does it for me like you do, y/n. No one ever will. Remember that.”

“Baby I’m gonna cum,” you rushed out, though you heard what he said and it made your heart swell.

“Fuck, me too mama,” he huffed, switching to grabbing your hips with both hands so he could work you to your end, “go on then, lemme have it. One more good one.”

With a few more of his lightning strokes you crumbled into the wall, your orgasm ripping through you violently with a long drawn out moan of his name.

Shortly after, Josh’s grip tightened on your waist, and with one hard final thrust, he spilled himself into you, letting out his own loud groan.

Slowly he brought himself to a halt, and the two of you stood there catching your breath, his now softening cock still twitching inside you.

After a moment, he leaned in to place a loving kiss on your cheek, his sweaty chest sticking to your similarly sweaty back.

“I really am sorry, mama. For everything I did and said tonight. I won’t ever let things get that far again.”

For the first time this night, he truly sounded sincere. And you were glad for it.

“I know baby,” you reached back to cup your hand on his warm cheek, “I forgive you.”

He nodded into you before pulling out, both of you hissing at the adjustment.

“Although,” you spoke up again, and he turned back to face you, “that doesn’t mean we won’t be having sex like that again, right?”

Josh smirked his famous smirk, before crossing back over to you and pecking you on the lips.

“No way that’s the last time that’s happening.”

[totallybakedcake]

It needed to happen

Leno and you had been dating even before you both became defense force officers. He was the best boyfriend you could ask for. He wanted you to be happy and feel like you were loved.

You two were together, together in the third division, then the fourth, and even went on missions together. Leno felt happier when he was by your side. Even when everyone told him to decline the request for using Kaiju No. 6 in combat, you supported him in every single moment. He just loved you too much.

--------------------------------------------

You felt ecstatic after a Kaiju mission. You had improved your release force, evacuated more people by yourself, killed many small kaiju, and even helped kill the main honju. Leno, who was wearing the No. 6 suit, found you too adorable, ruffling your hair and saying you did a great job.

As everyone continued walking, a huge crowd of defense force members and civilians gathered around Leno, praising him for eliminating the kaiju and saving the civilians. His mind flashed back to when his suit was not drawing that much energy and a Kaiju attacked him from the back; it was you who killed it and saved him. He even could not rescue any people while it was you who saved them. He even almost killed two people, but again, it was you who saved them.

He did kill the Honju, but that too with the help of 3 other platoons and his captain. You deserved the praise rather than him. He even got out of the crowd and ran over to you, saying you did better, but still you denied him and told him, "Stupid, you did so well! Handling a honju and killing it. All I did was support. Relax" You did feel upset, but Leno's happiness was much better than praise.

That was the last time Leno ever needed help from you.

After that, almost everyone was talking about him and his achievements, praising him for every little thing he did. Even as far as to even give Kaiju a scratch was praise. It made you happy to see him getting recognized, as he did need you, right?

Wrong

Killing Kaijus was fine, but maybe you could give your love mentally.

Wait, Iharu already brought him back to reality and gave him mental love; maybe you could spend time with him and offer him some special time; almost everyone in the fourth and third divisions could do that with probably better words of encouragement, physical touch, and motivation than you could give Leno.

What was the need for him to be with you was the thing you thought about more than killing Kaiju and doing personal stuff.

Still, even after your love fluctuating, Leno still treated you too well, and it was alright for you but not for him.

Getting praise was a great thing, but seeing you just lower your head after being left alone for everyone to come to him, seeing you train your hardest only to be left to look at him and how he was progressing, spending more and more time without even texting or talking was getting common. The straw that broke the camel's back was to see you ready to burst into tears after every mission.

After this, he knew he had to take some of the hardest steps in his life.

----------------------------

It was the best feeling to see Leno finally text you to come meet him at the park. Was it so that he was planning a date before you would move back to the third division and he would stay in the fourth, so he was planning something special?

The thoughts were swirling as you finally reached the park, only to see him with a grim expression before he stopped you from hugging him and broke it down.

"Name, let's break up; we are just not meant to be."

It was a quiet moment as the wind blew in your faces, your mind was shut off, and no words threatened to spill out as your mind went into a state of hysteria.

"Leno, are you joking?" If this is a prank, then I am hating it. What do you even mean we are not meant to be? How can you even say something like, Are you?" Tears brimmed in your eyes as you clutched the 'promise locket' he gave you when he started dating you.

"Name, I know it will be hard; you deserve someone better than me. Someone who will make time for you, treat you better, and not make you foreshadowed by him. I can see the tears ready to fall after the mission. I know it will be hard, but trust me, it will be for your own good." What the hell had Leno said? He thought about how he could have framed it better—maybe taken you for a walk or given a last hug. How could he be so bad?

You fell to your knees; the park was deserted, and no one was here to comfort you.

Leno left you here for what to cry at your horrible fate? The feelings all became numb as your brain couldn't even think of anything or stop the tears that were soaking your dress.

It hurt; everything hurt. Your head, your heart, your feelings. A rock had crushed them so badly that it was tough to even open your eyes, covering your face. You wished this was a nightmare, something that was just trying to hurt you and wasn't real. At times like these, Leno would always pinch your cheeks in a teasing matter to say it was just a matter.

"Name see, it was just a nightmare; those are just to scare you sometimes; how about we cuddle to make this dream get over?"

"Leno, I don't feel it. Leno, why is this nightmare not ending? Where are you? Why are you not here to be with me?" You spoke these words to no one but the dark clouds that were forming in the sky.

"AAAHHH." A high-pitched scream left your throat as you gripped your hair from the pain.

Can this nightmare be over?

GOODNESS I am making this kaiju no. 8 angst series where it will just be these kn8 angst stuff. Do let me know if you guys would like you know fluff versions for these but in reality we need more Leno/Reno fics man

[lepurcinus]

Tw: A lot of venting text, I warned you.

These last few times for me have been simply horrendous in ways I can't explain why.

Feeling useless, having all my plans fall through, leaving a bunch of projects half done that are still eating away at me, not making any progress on anything I want...and now the final straw that broke the camel's back was this.

It is already a known story that I loved the rabbits and all their group since I read the novel that I am constantly talking about in this blog. Reading about them, about how they are such small and misunderstood creatures, the beauty in their "fragility" and their will to keep thriving in a world that has everything against them. I admired them for that, it was an inspiration to me.

But I am not a rabbit and now I don't feel worthy to say I love them.

I had my first rabbit whom I loved and dedicated everything for him from the day he came into my arms. But as unpredictable as things were, he died barely a month later. Then I had another one to replace his loss, but she followed soon after.

Since then I have been devastated. It has made me think of all the times I have done something wrong. They would be here if I hadn't done something. Wouldn't they? I blamed myself for it for months, I couldn't look back at a rabbit without thinking about them.

Until a while later. She came into my life.

The beautiful bunny I loved from the first second I saw her, my Hyzenthlay. She had become my precious treasure.

I was afraid that history would repeat itself for the third time, so I waited more than a month after her arrival. The first day I almost had a seizure when I saw how she had made liquid stool fearing the worst, not knowing what to do and on the verge of giving up, sad and upset. If not for the relief it was to know that she was just a little stressed by her arrival and it was nothing serious. I knew from then on that she would be different, and she was.

When she had her partners one way or another something would happen and they would end up following the list. I thought my rough patch was over, but it was not. And even with all the sadness that meant, I knew that despite everything she was still here growing, strong, active.

Hyzenthlay was no longer just a pet, she was my angel, my ray of hope, the light that illuminated my dark night. Because despite all the bad things that could have happened, she still stayed with me.

Then came Holly, Centella and Bluebell. And with them I was the happiest I could have felt in a long time. I greatly believed that things would finally go for the better. I would start my university studies and I would finally be able to do what I love.

However, I couldn't have been more wrong and worse, I couldn't even imagine what was to come.

We had to move. I picked up my rabbits last once everything was ready so I wouldn't have to bother them. I wouldn't wait another day without my babies being away. I had fooled myself into believing that they would finally have a better space to run and play happily.

I brought them in and...

The next day at night, Bluebell and Centella died at the same time. It was then my first nail, which would get deeper as I started to do worse in my studies and as basically everything went backwards from how I imagined it would. But still, with all that sadness. Holly and Hyzenthlay were there.

Things kept going from bad to worse and I couldn't take it anymore, my mind couldn't take it anymore and with that came the carelessness. I tried to do my best with what I had left.

Holly then joined them. Yesterday I found him limp. I tried not to cry but I broke him once I had to say it.

And Hyzenthlay...she was still there.

While talking to my sister she had said something about taking care of her because she was the strongest of them all, she was an adult now, nothing could happen to her.

I irritated and hurt then said something like:

"Knowing my luck, tomorrow she dawns dead too."

Today I left early. I gave her her food like every day and nothing changed from the routine.

It was a long day, I was on the verge of tears in a class where everything is going wrong for me and because of me I don't know what to do. I am alone and my classmates don't see me in a good light since I started to fail them.

Then I ended up tired and sore after a long walk.

I got home, had lunch and was just thinking about going up to my room to go check it out so I could finally get some rest.

Until, in a cruel twist of fate that I waited patiently until this moment, I was greeted with something else.

Her limp, cold body lay where she slept, her eyes wide open in shock.

Hyzenthlay has died today and after her there is nothing left.

Hyzenthlay has died and everything is worse now.

All the fantasies where we were together for many many years, shattered in a second. She couldn't take it anymore and left me too.

Everything that gave me any hope and happiness has been taken away from me. I no longer feel comfortable to dare to see them again.

And from now on, I am left with only pain.

Wherever she is now, thank you for staying with me until now and giving me that huge opportunity. For giving me your light and warmth. She may not be the most loving, the smartest or the most active doe. But she was the one who brought me the most faith and joy in my life. She was perfect the way she was, I couldn't have asked for better. And please forgive me for being what I am, cursed.

Me, I don't know what I am anymore. Nor what I deserve. I think I'm just not good for this, or for anything else.

I am so sorry for putting so many expectations on me to others to end up ruining everything in the end.

I am flawed. What am I doing here?

No matter how many times I've been told it's normal to happen, how I've been comforted that it's not my fault. That they are fragile and it will happen.

This is not normal for me, so many times, so many times in a row, so soon.

I feel worse because I, played with their fragility and didn't know how to take care of them or appreciate them.

I know it's me, it's my fault. That I am bad with them. If not, how else did I explain this.

I'm not deserve this or anything.

"My heart has joined the thousand, for all my friends who have stopped running."

"Long ago

The yellow-hammer sang, high on the thorn.

He sang near a litter that the doe brought out to play,

He sang in the wind and the kittens played below.

Their time slipped by all under the elder bloom.

But the bird flew away and now my heart is dark

And time will never play in the fields again.

Long ago

The orange beetles clung to the rye-grass stems.

The windy grass was waving. A buck and doe

Ran through the meadow. They scratched a hole in the bank,

They did what they pleased all under the hazel leaves.

But the beetles died in the frost and my heart is dark;

And I shall never choose a mate again.

The frost is falling, the frost falls into my body.

My nostrils, my ears are torpid under the frost.

The swift will come in the spring, crying "News! News!

I shall not hear.

Into my dulled body. Across my sleep

There runs a wire fence to imprison the wind"

I shall never feel the wind blowing again.