#it was terrible experience but i was a truly happy person when i began to hear with two ears again.

[0039pf-third-blog-hooray]

i'm so tired of drawing for college :(( i've already forgotten the last time i drew for myself. the day after tomorrow the commission will evaluate all my works, HOPEFULLY, they will not say that i have too few of them (if they do so, then i'll have to draw a few more during june, i don't want that at allllll 😩)

literally me these last two or three weeks, i don't even feel the time anymore, only anxiety

btw during this time i even managed to go deaf in one ear for three days, but now i hear again 👍🤝🙏

see you soon, friends, very soon 😮‍💨

[moobell55]

Curls

Being content was not a feeling Jacks had ever experience before he met his wife.

He spent so many years searching and looking for his One True Love, or anything to break his curse. His wake was full of death and foolish mortals who'd made deals with him they would regret for the rest of their lives.

He'd never truly imagined he ever find happiness or peace if his wicked soul thought he deserved it.

But here he was, lying on the coach with his head in his beloved wife's lap as she ran her delicate fingers through his curls.

She was so gentle with him, treating him as if he was a priceless vase resting on a rotting shelf.

How could a man as awful as himself ever be loved so delicately?

Jacks asked himself the question every day, and found that he didn't care for the answer as long as Evangeline viwed him as worthy of love than he would be.

Evangeline was an angel of a woman, sent from Heaven to finally rid the world of his wicked heart by claiming it for herself.

Every brush of her fingers against his scalp had him holding back moans of pleasure, such magical hands his wife had.

As she worked her fingers along the sensitive parts of his head, Jacks found himself melting even further into their soft couch.

His hair had always been his weakness, even as a child he could faintly remember a blond haired woman kindly brushing out his curls. Even though he couldn't remember her face his love of having his hair touched had never faded.

He loved whenever his Little Fox would hold the hair on the nape of his neck as they kissed, or when she's ruthlessly yank on his locks as he made love to her.

It was truly moments like these where he could give his own heart in her hands if she only asked him, he'd happily bleed for her time and time again.

And his wife knew it, she'd ask him to go to the market for her, or even to stop stealing all the blanket in his sleep.

And he couldn't deny his Evangeline anything.

Carefully she gave a final gentle stoke to his curls before asking the question Jacks knew she'd been holding in this entire time.

But for once her words shocked him.

"I want a baby."

He sat up from his pot of her lap so fast that his head almost collided with hers.

He stared at her as if he'd never heard a person speak before, and for once his careful hidden facial expressions couldn't hold.

"I want a baby," she simply repeated her words as if she was asking him to hand her a blanket.

"A baby," he asked skeptically.

"Yes a baby," she took his hand in her own, "well your baby to be exact."

His brain could not find the thoughts to truly know what his wife was asking.

Him a father? He could hardly believe he was a good husband or even a human most days,

But bringing a child into the world who would be raised by him, look up to him, and be half of Jacks own person seemed like a terrible idea.

He'd never been around children much but he knew how precious they were, how they needed to be loved and cared for in a way Jacks didn't think he could give.

They sat in silence while he thought to himself.

When finally he broke, "I don't think that's the best idea my love."

She smiled at her anxious husband kindly and tenderly brushed his knuckles.

His silver eyes followed her hands as she ran them over his much larger hands, unable to meet his wife's eyes.

"You truly have nothing to worry about, you'd be a wonderful father," her words brought warmth to his heart.

Still unable to meet Evangeline's eyes his fingers began rubbing over her rings, the golden and silver woven band she wore matched his own.

"I've never once thought of having children, I always thought I would've been content just being your husband," his words were quite but he truly meant them.

Carefully her warm hands tilted his jaw upwards so he could meet her kind grey eyes.

"Ever since I was little girl I dreamed of meeting the love of my life and being happily married, but in truth I never thought of having my own children before I met you," Evangeline spoke anxiously.

Her words truly shocked the Prince of Hearts, his wife who always had so much love to give to others, had never thought of having children before she met him.

"Truly my dearest?"

"Yes, soon after we married I couldn't get the idea of a little boy with golden curls and grey eyes out of my mind; or a little girl with dimples and silver eyes. Lately it's all I've been able to think about whenever I see you."

Hope bloomed in his chest but his fears still filled him.

"I have no idea to care for a baby, I don't think in my lifetime I've ever even held a child," his words had a hint of embarrassment in them.

"I always loved seeing the young children who'd visit the shop in Valenda, and mu mother had a few friends with children younger than me I'd care for sometimes," she smiled fondly at the memory of her mother.

He smiled at his wife, the idea of her nursing and rocking a little girl with soft pink curls like her mother filling his heart with joy.

"I think you'd be a wonderful mother, you're so kind and caring and any child would be lucky enough to call you their mother," nothing but sincerity laced his words.

A warm blush filled her cheeks.

"And you'd be an amazing father, you're so loving and attentive that our children would adore you," she paused for a minute, "and anybody would be lucky to inherit your looks."

He smiled flashing the dimples she hoped their children would have.

Jacks had already made up his mind from the minute he imagined her rocking a small little baby.

"How soon would you like a child?"

And with this Evangeline laughed and crashed her lips against her husbands, and soon he carried her up the stairs to their bedroom.

[celestiall0tus]

Mental Health Awareness - Miraculous AU: Alix Kubdel

Well, let's get into this one.

This version of Alix comes from the first AU for Miraculous that I made. It was this incarnation that paved the road for many other incarnations.

In Miraculous AU, Alix is a sixteen-year-old typical rebellious teen delinquent. She sneaks around, gets tangled up in the law, indulges in substance use, and always has a massive chip on her shoulder as she's always ready for a fight. The friends she has brush it off as Alix being Alix, unaware of the storm that rages just below the surface.

Alix was once set on a golden path to success, following the same path that her brother took as her mother set it in Alix's mind that Alix had to do this in order to be happy. Alix excelled in school, found a passion she could make a career, but it all faltered when she was expected to find a partner young, just as her brother had.

Alix went through middle school without finding that partner, repulsed by the simple romantic gestures that turned her away from the idea of finding a partner. This started the decline of her relationship with her mother as her mother continued to push and push that Alix needed to get over herself, that she'd grow out of it, find the right person, etc.

Fight after fight, Alix fell off the path set by her mother, refusing to follow that path because she couldn't find anyone she could love romantically. The fights with her mother got worse as praise became terrible remarks that Alix was wrong, defective, acting selfish, and was just being difficult.

It was this that broke Alix as she doubled down on being rebellious, but also began when she acted recklessly, purposely putting herself in danger on a subconscious level. She turned to all manner of vices that offered a quick relief from the anguish she felt be it alcohol, drugs, sex, and fighting. They didn't fix the problem, but they helped her forget it for the moment.

By the start of the story, Alix is no better off. She's rash, blunt, bitter, and guarded. She takes jabs at people, egging them on, and excited at the prospect of a potential fight. It's not until the villain, Nightshade, that she has her first true near death experience.

While in this state, Alix experiences the parts of herself that she has become, what she hates about herself, and those around her. This includes how her mother belittles her and always compares her to her older brother, her father that kneels to what her mother wants, her golden child brother, and the anger in herself. She doesn't commit to change here, but is given an outlet to escape.

With Kaalki at her side, Alix was given the means to escape her home and be prevented from returning to it. She continues her lifestyle until her second near death experience where she is nearly suffocated. With her life flashing before her eyes, she sees what she had been doing.

At Alix's core, she was tired. She had given up long ago, but still fought against that part of herself. Every reckless decision she ever made was to hopefully bring her own death, but never did. She does state several times that she didn't need to become a hero to endanger herself, and that she had been doing it for longer than anyone realized. In this second experience, Alix gives up, but is brought back just before she could fully fall.

Once Alix was back and her eyes opened, she made a conscious effort to be better. The recklessness remained, but she worked on it, until she relapsed. When her best friend, Ondine, spoke out of blind ignorance, Alix snapped. She relapsed as she looked for trouble, finding it in Ripper.

Alix fought Ripper, but when the tables were turned and Ripper severely wounded her, she did nothing. Kaalki plead that Alix teleport to Viperion, the healer that saved her, but Alix had given up again, believing that no one would truly understand her and that those she held closest to her would always break her heart. She is spared death again when Ripper shows a hint of understanding and empathy and chooses not to kill her.

Though Alix's struggles remain and she often fights herself, she found a pair of people she could turn to. Volpina and Mayura. Mayura quickly became a surrogate mother for Alix while Volpina is the companion Alix longed for. A person that was Aromantic like herself and explained what that was and what it meant to Alix. In Volpina, she saw she was no longer alone. There was another person like her.

[vesperstardust]

I think my life is done falling apart/together for now

I don't even know how to transcribe the chaos that has been happening in my life the last...forever...but specifically the last 6 months and especially the last couple of months

2020 and 2021 were the best years of my life, maybe that tells you something. They were the years I felt most secure and became most aligned with myself. I've always been a survivor who thrives in liminal spaces.

Falling apart and falling together look remarkably similar. If you take away anything from this post, remember that.

I want to move forward and stay still and let myself be happy and do the things I've been wanting to do but I also want to remember every twist and turn that brought me here. Because I'm grateful how it all worked out.

Wish I could do a cut under a cut Here is the story, I suppose, of what happened.

There is even more I can't write, but the present trials feel like they truly began when I lost my hair from alopecia during 2022.

I've struggled with alopecia areata, one of several chronic illnesses, but that was the first time I became bald. My long auburn red hair I saw as part of my identity, gone. Who am I? I had to find out quickly who I really was and find strength to keep going that I never knew. Cutting or shaving hair as humiliation against one's will, to break one's spirit, I understood why. I didn't recognise myself. During this same time I also had a traumatic experience with people I thought were my friends that was directly related to my experiences with alopecia.

It took months and along with a newly-approved-by-the-fda medication for alopecia and continued scalp injections, it's growing back fairly well. But just as this was happening, we became financially unstable when my partners gig job dried up and he began experiencing a severe health condition at the same time.

Things were stressful and challenging at this point but manageable. Then we lost our food money. At points we were half-starved (I say this without exaggeration - support your local food bank it will save someone's life). The morale blow/raise of losing/gaining treats is not to be underestimated. And people who have never been food insecure don't realise how little other things matter when you can't eat. You can barely think to do other things. I was food insecure growing up so at least that was something I knew how to deal with. But it's still a terrible thing to be hungry.

After going through the winding maze insurance companies so often require even for life-changing prescriptions, my partner finally received the medication he needed to recover his health to a manageable state.

But eventually we faced eviction from our apartment with one week's notice after attempted financial aid fell through. It's traumatic and frightening and sorrowful to have to leave the place you call home under circumstances beyond your control. My partner was interviewed and hired for a perfect job after no luck for months within DAYS of the eviction, ensuring that no matter what happened, we'd finally have food and other resources.

But we still only had a week to find somewhere to move.

One day, management (who had a history of being unreachable, including during the time we tried to seek financial aid and work with them) showed up and tried force their way in (the door chain stopped them) and then proceeded to lie and tell us we had to be gone that day even though legally we did not until 24hrs after the notice had been placed on the door, which it had not yet. That was scary though. And they had sent their newest person, and it's possible she didn't even know it was a lie. But we had the paperwork and emails to prove it. I remember physically trembling, the paper shaking in my hand as we tried to explain. Another time pest control tried to force their way in. I'm sure management sent them too, as the email had only said you could sign up for a visit if you were having issues, which we were not and never signed up for. At an apartment complex, a door chain is such an extra sense of security that prevents people from unlocking your door and just walking in whenever they please, as was proved to me many times.

So we had a week to find somewhere to live. Friends (true friends) helped us more than we can ever repay, in ways that money alone could never repay. We got everything into a storage unit in record time. Our Winter Solstice was spent moving the largest pieces of furniture. Darkest night made bright with their help.

Some places wouldn't even give us a tour because of the eviction now on record. Most things I read during this time about renting with an eviction seemed so bleak. We found one apartment we thought was perfect and applied. They denied our application - but mysteriously accepted it a few days later without us even appealing. Was it because of all the construction at this complex and they were desperate? Did my partner's words somehow sway them? I don't know but I was considering the lilies of the field very, very hard at that point

So we had a place to move to on the 2nd of Jan but in the mean time we had to wait it out at our other apartment, unknowing when we would finally have to leave. A couple weeks sleeping on an air mattress in a near-empty apartment. Merry Christmas. We still had our tiny tree. Happy New Year. Our New Year's Day meal was a single heat and serve bag of basmati which we split, a tin of sardines and some corn. It felt like a small feast. Looking back, all symbols of prosperity and abundance.

On the day we were to move in, my partner's workplace somehow messed up (holidays at least partially to blame) and he still hadn't received his paycheck though he tried everything he could. So we had to scramble to borrow the deposit money from my mom. It's a long walk up to our new apartment at the moment because of all the renovations going on putting out the elevator. And when we got there, we realised they had given us the wrong set of keys so we were stuck outside in the hallway outside the door for 45min with the birds and our small carry items because she'd said she'd bring the correct sets of keys up, meanwhile I also had to go to the bathroom intensely. We'd laughed a lot through all of this when we weren't near-consumed with stress and fear of what would happen next, but it was nice to have a moment that was just purely funny.

The paycheck drama continued for another week so we had to work around that as well. But we had somewhere to live. Somewhere safe.

By the time it was my birthday about a week later. I slipped on the carpet running to say bye to my partner. It could have been worse but I scraped up my knee and hurt my leg. My knee/leg still hurt :') That same day our car also had trouble and stalled while my partner was on the way to work, so our plans to finally go out were dashed BUT he ordered Indian for us so we had a great meal nonetheless.

I love this new apartment. The layout is interesting and unique, one of the reasons we were drawn to it. The closet shelving is threatening to collapse but that can be fixed. Lack of bathroom counter space and large mirror is the only real downgrade from the other place but I can honestly say everything else here is equal to or better. Most important, you can see the moon from the window, and the best view of the sky.

The construction here is intense at the moment but inside the apartment itself is a haven, despite the chaos outside. I don't mind it because, after all, it likely played a part in how we were able to live here.

It sounds so small somehow when I write it all down. But it's not comparable to be on the other side of an ordeal where you can see how it all played out all at once and what you dodged and how you survived. When you're in it you have to get to the next day. Sometimes the next hour. I felt real fear during this time, an emotion I wasn't very familiar with. Throughout my life I've been through what some people might call "a lot", since early on. I've had people tell me I'm the strongest person they know. I've learned to handle many fears of many things. But this was an unfamiliar unraveling. And once I realised what it was, I was able to deal with it better. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. Frank Herbert was right.

My last time at the other apartment was happy, peaceful and filled with relief. It was a nice place for the time we lived, but everything good came with us. There were things I loved about it, but there were also things I won't miss and am glad to get away from (like living by the highway).

Thanks for reading this post if you made it all the way through. I wasn't sure how much to tell strangers on the internet but - we're friends here :)))

Adapt. Survive. Survive. Thrive.

Outside our window currently looks like the blitz. But only in the best way possible. Because the chaos doesn't bring any grief or fear - just a way out.

[toyingwithafalsegod]

Both your darkest fears?

🧸 I have found I am living it.

I grew up a genius orphan among an entire orphanage of them. For security reasons I will not reveal what this is, however this might be the only thing about me that you would be able to figure out with decent online research skills.

But, anyway. Our goal through our experience at the orphanage was to become the person best suited to succeed the first L in the event of his passing.

As such he was treated as some level of a higher being. Not a god, but definitely someone akin to a president or king, even a pope. He felt untouchable, in a way; certainly he was a figure of everything we should aspire to be.

My image of L first was tarnished of the news of his death. It’s logical that one day he would have reached the end, however I had assumed that even a case as complex as the Kira one would be easily solved for him. But he lost.

For five years after, while having a less bright view of L, he was still this figurehead of right. Yet the accounts of the Japanese Task Force—who all worked with him—reveal a darker undertone onto this golden statue.

Or, as one put it: “He was an asshole.”

Maybe I wouldn’t have seen this reveal as something so terrible if L’s death didn’t also result in the loss of Mello and Matt.

Mello—a fellow orphan of whom I had a complicated relationship with—idolized L even more than I did. He was resentful that I appeared to be better than him at “being L” and was proud when he knew things about L that I didn’t.

He left the orphanage shortly after L died to prove himself. Matt, his best friend, seemed a little lost after he was gone. That was truly when we started to bond—he began to step up security protocols for my usage as I continued the Kira case.

Years later, Mello, still trying prove himself with Kira’s defeat, asked Matt to help him kidnap someone suspected of having Kira’s power.

Matt was shot and killed by multiple officers. Mello died shortly after in a fire that I suspect was created by Kira. By Light.

More than anything I hate him for that.

Now I am alone. Do I have my team? Yes, and I am grateful for all their efforts and I am happy they still stand by me even after the case closed. I am still also able to antagonize Light, however it is not as enjoyable as it may seem.

When I was younger, I never deduced a future like this could be possible. Now I wish I regarded this possible outcome with much more trepidation.

—

🌙 What do I fear, you ask?

Fear is a strong word.

Fear that drives others to either insanity or determination of use. A tool. A tool to scare away the scary monsters.

We use and live with the fear we face alone, and only alone.

Me? My Biggest Fear?

I'm afraid of Losing. Losing to the very faith of my hard work and goals, to succeed of what I truly wanted to become. My competition against L, my rival, my enemy...

And I really lost, to Near... I still lost against L. Even though I originally beat L, and knowing he was gonna die... the game was never over until Near and Mello tried to ruin me.

But now since I'm here... not dead, but alive.

I'm living around that fear. My darkest Fear I can't ever escape from.

[heavensmortuary]

If this isn't too personal, how did you become a Christian?

Sure thing, not too personal at all.

I grew up in the 'Bible Belt' of the southern usa, so I was pretty much always surrounded by a 'Christian' culture. I remember telling my mom that I wanted to accept Jesus when I was 7, and I thought I truly understand what salvation meant for most of my life. I never really had any spiritual experiences, Jesus was more of a figure to look up to than to have any sort of relationship with. I wanted to be liked in youth group, I thought I knew Jesus. Jesus was my friend as long as everything went all happy and nothing went wrong.

This illusion ended when I was around 14. My relationship with Jesus started to wane after I had been assaulted at church by a fellow classmate. I had realized soon after that I had been sexually abused by an adult when I was even younger. I have always had mental health problems, but they become much, much worse after this incident, and I started to blame God for my problems. I began to suffer from an eating disorder (which is still a problem, but manageable now), and I was bullied relentlessly at church (thanks to undiagnosed ADHD and Autism). So, I had a terrible image of Christians as a whole, except for the few adults who genuinely cared about me there. When I was 15, I lost my baby brother, and I severed my relationship with God almost completely. I hated him, I hated that however much I prayed, however much I had 'faith', He was silent. People told my mom that if she had more faith then she wouldn't have lost a son. I hated church. I hated myself. I hated everyone around me. I lived in pain for over a year, drifting through life until I was almost 17.

Through some fighting and begrudged agreement with my mom, I went to the last church camp I could go to before aging out of the youth ministry. I hated these people. I hated the worship. I hated God so much. I remember sitting on the beach by myself, and I couldn't stop sobbing. I wanted to die. And a volunteer leader sat next to me in the sand, and I almost didn't notice her. "There's something bothering you. I'm worried about you." I had never spoken to her. I just kind of brushed her off. "Do you need me to pray about something?" Like. Pure anger at that lol. I shook my head. She kinda left me alone after that. But I just couldn't stand it later that night, something in me was so unsettled I couldn't be at peace or ignore it. It was eating at me, wouldn't leave me alone. Something in me just snapped, and all I could do was just fall into prayer, even if I was sure God wouldn't listen to me anymore. I asked God to forgive me, and I wanted to know peace and I wanted a relationship with Him. I think that's when I really became a Christian.

I still suffer, as everyone else does, but to God be the glory, until the end of our days. I've seen God really. It's hard to describe without using cliche words. I've seen God in my life, I've been through more traumas and came out on the other end with renewed hope. I've been burdened with more heartbreak and sorrow but so much joy in the midst of pain, meaning in the midst of darkness. Life begins and ends but God is the only constant, and as N. D. Wilson puts it, we are brush strokes in a masterpiece of time.

[zak-shit]

road trip mental dump

sitting in a car for an 11 hour road trip leads to me thinking quite alot. We are currently about 4 or 5 hours in?

Life has been brutal lately. we lost Lisa, and we lost Tony this past week, I've felt terrible for Candy. I truly don't know how to keep pushing in a time like now. I began to cry for a moment on the drive, thinking of the love I have for those in the car with me right now. and of how terrible it will be to lose them one day. Life is too short yeah yeah.. but holding so much love for people, having these people in your life, whoever they are bring you so much happiness. To just be gone one day? Never to speak, look at you, no breathing, no heart beating? Where does that love go? I think It's still in your heart. I think the happiness, and love you feel for those people are still there in your heart. the memory stays, and when you love someone that becomes apart of you. but the comfort you feel from being with that person is gone. The deep breath of safety, relaxation together. That might be the hardest part, not having the comfort anymore, the hugs, the laughter. The stimulants in our brain that come from those people. I don't know how we recover from losing so much love. I don't even want to imagine the pain at the thought of losing people in my life like my mother and father, sister, my animals, all my friends. I have so many people in my life, which is great, but with the deaths in my life, as well as the people I know experiencing their own. Leads me to think about death as a whole.

The world is so tough, for a moment the other day I had the thought of how nice it would be to die myself. For all this stress to end, to escape this world. But I don't want to imagine people mourning me. That is a pain that never really goes away and I dont want other to experience it.

truth be told I am hot right now, but I have two blankets over me for comfort. It is nice being a passenger for a road trip so far, besides one of my airpods just died so I'm no longer fully submerged in my own music world. I do wish I had the windows down lol but I'm excited to get to our destination and very excited to see snow for the first time <3 Those I love will always be with me, and I will always be with them. I just hope everyone I love knows how much I love them.

This drive also makes me think of my last road trip, when I was just starting things with my last relationship, I was giddy with excitement. Had the playlists for the whole drive they made me. Excited to come home to them. Now I feel silly for that, I feel silly everyday for putting the energy I did into that person. sigghhh what a waste lol

but now Im excited for other things to get home to sometimes. over all im much more exctied for the escape I get the next few days and wish I could be gone even longer lol. this time is just very different and I am understandably, and thankfully in a different headspace/ person. and thankfully so. It's important to change.

This trip I will have a good time, I wont worry how others are perceiving me. I'll feel free. I hope I get a good cry in though, I need it.

[b4nanaa]

Everything takes time, and I'll be fine (again)

Social relationships: Those were a major impact on how I viewed myself and my form of self. The people I chose to associate with were what influenced my personality as well as how I saw myself. It took a lot of cutting people off to figure out who I really was and the person I wanted to be. It changed how I saw myself. My lack of social relationships also played a role in it.

Self: For the longest time, I had no idea who I was because of all the muddled social relationships. I didn’t like myself and was told who I was, it was bad. I felt like everything I felt and did was wrong.

Physical World: I actually longed for real escapism. I wanted to run away physically because I felt as if that would be freeing. I just wanted an escape from all my problems and my feelings, and I hoped that by actually leaving it would free me.

I remember when I was twelve, I was hearing about how a lot of kids around my age were beginning to develop depression and anxiety. Classmates had it, my friends apparently had it, and the silliest thing is that for some reason, that made me feel left out. I wanted to be suffering too and be given special attention and sympathy for it. So I made myself sad on purpose and began crying to my mother and brother about how I had 'mild depression', to which they both took seriously and considered looking into therapy. Thankfully, I was able to grow a conscious and talk them out of it. I didn't have any real problems at the time that truly required a therapist.

When I look back on my life, I wouldn't say I had a troubled life. I had a relatively good childhood with it's ups and downs every now and then, as any kid would, but I was loved and happy. I made friends despite my introverted personality and had plenty of relationships. Although if I were to pinpoint a life where I struggled deeply, it was during my junior and senior year of high school, and my social relationships played a large part in it. The people I had in my life had a time, platonic or romantic, plays a large part in my sense of self, and they did especially during my last years of school.

I wouldn't describe my high school experience the same as others. While some had it worst, I think we can all say that the pandemic changed a lot of our lives during that period, especially when it came to school. I had been finishing my freshman year when it hit. What had began as a two week vacation spiraled into a long period of social isolation. I was already a shy kid that was starting to come out of her shell in the first year of high school only for it to be ripped away from her. During it, I lost friends either from conflict or us drifting away, and I began to feel lonely like many others. There wasn't any good way for you to meet others or make friends when most of your classes are online, and even when we returned to school in person, the climate was quiet. Students were unfamiliar with one another and hesitant to approach each other with the risk of Covid. Clubs like DND, one that I had been in originally, didn't survive through the pandemic. So for quiet introvert like myself, I found it hard to find new people. It didn't help that I didn't have anyone to rely on, I had mostly drifted away from my old friends and had broken up with someone I had once been close with.

The only person I was relying on was my boyfriend at the time, one I had been dating with since middle school. And that was a TERRIBLE relationship. I was too young and immature to see that we were unhealthy for each other. I was blinded by a sense of 'love' and a fear of being alone, that I justified our countless and pointless arguments as me needing to change so I didn't trigger disagreements. I excused behavior that upset me, I adjusted my personality to better suit his interests and keep the relationship a float, I blamed myself for it's problems. All because I didn't want to lose him and be alone. It was through that relationship where I suppose I began to lose my sense of self. It was muddled and murky with a conflicting desire to change and please him, yet I also hated him and how I was always the one to fix things. I let him belittle and insult me, and I let him get away with it. I even believed some of it too.

If I had to summarize my four years with him, I would say it was a rollercoaster with a lot of fights and insults, and a lot of me crying and apologizing while running back to him.

I remember one thing he always pointed to as a problem was how 'sensitive' I was. I was too emotional, I overreacted too much, and I believed it all without giving a second thought that perhaps, maybe, I was a little justified in my feelings. But I always put his view of my self over how I saw it. I only saw it through his lenses. It was during that period I began to develop a desire for escapism. An escape from my loneliness and an escape from him. I wanted to physically run away from my life, jump from city to city without ever returning or staying in one place. I remember being in class and having the desire to just jump out of the window and fly away. Being with him began to feel suffocating and I felt more drained the longer I stayed. I began to feel apathetic to him and everything, to the point that one day when I was with him, I felt completely numb to him entirely.

When I think of that relationship, I felt like that was what first love really felt like. A burst of passion, youth who were infatuated and obsessed with each other, so much so they were blind to their flaws. I loved him dearly and every second of my waking day was spent with him. Even at night, we stayed up calling and fell asleep on the phone just to stay with each other. I felt as if that was what real love was. Someone that truly loved you and accepted you, someone that you actually enjoyed being around with. He was every bit like that. And again I began to build my life around my relationship. He was the source of my happiness and the only person I wanted to talk to, and it was him that kept my mental health afloat.

Writing it out, I think it's easy to see how quickly it went bad. We rushed into a relationship and were clearly heavily infatuated with one another to the point I became co-dependent on him for my social life and my well being. So when he began having his own life and needing space for himself, I began to spiral and struggle. I began comparing myself to him and envying him for being able to build relationships so easily with others while I barely could. Self loathing slowly consumed me the more I compared myself to him, to my old friends for being able to make new friends or know what they wanted to do in school. With that self hatred came anxiety, leading to me crying more often and starting fights within my relationship. This led to a perpetual cycle where I would become paranoid and emotional, start a fight, and then my anxiety would grow from the tension I caused. It led to me hating myself more as I found more and more flaws, and less things to like myself. I fell back into blaming myself and back into the need for escapism.

Most days and nights I spent crying in sessions of berating myself for my feelings or every mistake I had ever done. It was my fault for ruining things, for causing my own suffering, and I was a terrible person in my mind. I couldn't tell from right or wrong anymore, it was all a murky mush.

I hated myself, I hated my life, I wanted to end it all without actually dying. I just had to get out of my life. I began to sleep in and come late to school, or outright skip it because I was too depressed to bother. I remember waking up one day at 10 am, two hours after classes had already started. There was a heavy weight on my chest that felt like a continuous spiral; rotating and scratching up against my skin to be freed, to explode out. I was too lazy to bother with the walk to the train station and opted for a bus ride instead. But it was the same feeling of wanting to run that burst in me again. I didn't want to go to school, I didn't want to go home, I didn't want to be anywhere. I wanted to go somewhere I didn't escape. So when I arrived at my stop, I stayed. I stayed on till I had to take the train, and then took it to go as far as to the end to leave it all behind.

However despite being in an unfamiliar station, far from my school and everything I had ever known, I still felt the need to cry. To break down and sob. Nothing felt right anymore and nothing felt like home anymore. I had no one to turn to in my mind and the person I did want to go to, I couldn't because I would only mess things up.

So in the end, leaving the physical world I had known did nothing. So I rode the train back home.

My relationship didn't last too long. Right when our one year anniversary was coming up, he ended up breaking up with me. At the time, I had been friends with a girl that had introduced to me to him, and I turned to her for advice.

[ellieslaces]

long lost coming up about some personal stuff I want to talk about :)

some personal experiences and feelings are under the cut. be warned, menstrual cycles, PCOS, sex, and sexuality are heavily discussed :)

I usually don’t talk a bunch about my personal life on here, but as I’m exploring writing smut myself, I want to say this

as a young teen (maybe 14-15), I didn’t have a menstrual cycle. I had a period for one or two years before it completely disappeared. I didn’t have a period for about 8 months, and as a healthy 14 year old girl, this isn’t ‘normal’. my mother took me to the gynecologist, because we thought it was the best place to go

I was then diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). one of the first things the OBGYN told me was not that I would have future problems with my weight, acne, and other issues. but that I was essentially infertile. a fifteen year old girl was told she may be infertile. obviously, this was wrong. you don’t talk to a fifteen year old about having babies. but because this is how gynecologists run, I digress

throughout my teenage years, my body put me through a vicious cycle of not having a period for over year to having it every single day for over a year. this went on for about six to seven years. when I finally decided to stop going to different OBGYNs (because they don’t have a fucking clue about PCOS) and see an endocrinologist

in the spring of this year, I sought out an endocrinologist and set up an appointment. I went to said appointment where the doctor knew immediately what to do. I had blood work the same day and she prescribed metformin (a diabetic medication that can also be used for PCOS). she told me that this specific medication would do the right thing my lowering my testosterone and insulin levels. something birth control cannot do (as many different OBGYNs tried to prescribe me but did not work)

I began taking the metformin in May of this year and by September, I’d had my first normal period in over a year. it was a truly affirming (but annoyingly painful) experience. it is, however, the only period I’ve had but according to my doctor, it’s normal for me not to be regular yet as I haven’t been regular for over six to seven years

another thing I experienced was sexuality. all through my later teenage years, I identified as asexual. I didn’t experience sexual attraction and I thought it was just who I was

but around June or July of this year, I experienced sexual attraction for the first time in my life. as a twenty year old, it was strange. but, I am so happy now because I experience all forms of attraction now. I explain it as being a ‘twenty-one year old pubescent girl’. it sounds silly, but I began going through hormonal ‘puberty’ at twenty - twenty-one

as I am going to grad school next fall (and being a sexual person now), I will soon be starting a birth control

I wanted to say all this because when I publish any fic with smut, I always address how I am terrible at writing smut and dirty talk. this is because in my ‘sexual’ formative years, I didn’t read smut or watch sexual media. I started it as a later teen and now I don’t know how to write dirty talk

but, being a sexual person now, I have the desire to write it. and this is my place to do it. I do apologize for it being a tad ‘juvenile’ because I am still learning

I used to think sex and sexuality was gross and taboo (also due to religious upbringing), but I am unlearning these things. I understand now that sex is natural and can be enjoyable. and I like to read about it

so, this is just me talking. word vomiting basically because I want to be open about this as I will be soon releasing some smutty fics. anyway, if you made it this far, thank you for reading. PCOS is common, but not understood. and we should fight this stigma that people with PCOS or asexual people are broken or don’t ‘fulfill’ their duties with female possessing reproductive organs. we aren’t here to just have children, we can do more. and I think it’s important to acknowledge that and know it

thank you for listening to me and bearing with me as I further my journey into smut writing <3

[thegirlwiththestrangereality]

Hypnotherapy - saving my inner child

A couple of years back I had a session with my angel reader and I asked her to ask my angels what they felt I should dive into in regards to spiritual study. They replied with human design.

For anyone who is unsure of what human design is, it's basically this chart that tells you who you are and what your life purpose is. It is faaaaar more complicated than that, but it encompasses the tree of life, and astrology, and the chakras, and a couple other things, and this is a terrible description but please look it up if your soul feels inclined to do so. It truly is a beautiful gift to the world.

Anywho, several years after this reading, I still find myself interested in human design and I came across this instagram page, by none other than Tresa. I started watching her reels, and reading her posts and immediately I knew, this woman had it going on. It was as though my soul was gravitating towards her light and I wanted to know more and more things, not only about human design but also about her journey and how she got there. So I booked a session with her - first the introduction and then the actual hypnotherapy session.

My hypnotherapy session was last week and it was a fascinating experience. Essentially it was a journey into my subconscious - mostly centered around childhood. She began by looking at my chart and she said aww little alexa and honestly that shit broke my heart. lol! I said yes girl, I know, little Alexa. haha! what did childhood feel like for you? I told her, very misunderstood. She explained since gate 43 & 23 are connected I have this ability to see very complex things and put them into words for the collective to understand; HOWEVER, as a child when you don't have all the words and don't know what feelings are what, it can be a very isolating experience. Which it was.

When was the first time you felt this way? I replied 7, when my mom got pregnant with my sister. During this time, I felt alone. I thought I was going to be forgotten. Once my sister was born I did not like her, I did not like that I needed to share my parents or the fact that anytime I needed anything I was called selfish. I cried about that for a minute. What is this feeling? I identified it as sadness.

What else was going on in your life? I shared I had recently been given insight into my papa's (grandfather) timeline and I feel that he is going to pass away in the next few years. I started crying again explaining that my papa was the first person in my life to allow me to exist solely as I am and not who I was "expected" to be. I kept going back to the question of what would I do without him? who would I be without him? and if he isn't there to see me I would be alone and sad.

Once we became aware that we were going on a journey into sadness she began putting me in the trance. I could feel myself going deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole and also the resistance I had to go. I could feel myself grabbing at the walls trying to catch myself and yet there was a strong gravity pulling me deeper and deeper into the subconscious.

I want you to imagine the most beautiful place you can think of. I see this beautiful field of grass on a warm sunny day, with a clear blue sky. There is a giant tree in the field that offers shade, and I am laying in the grass, half in the sun, half in the shade. Are you alone? I responded there were kids playfully laughing, but I am alone. As I realize I am alone I am no longer happy and this is no longer a beautiful place.

When was the first time you felt sadness? I respond with, 3. I think of 3 year old Alexa and I cry. I cry my heart out as this feels like a black hole in the center of my chest. I sob the saddness out. Hold 3 year old Alexa and whisper in her ear how much of a good girl she is. how special she is. how loved she is. as i start doing this, i can feel the black hole in the center of my chest start to fill with sand, and a little extra for good measure. This sand feels like it levels my body and turns into a horizon, and all of a sudden, I am on the beach staring at the sunset. On a scale of 1-100 how much sadness still exists? 30%.

3 year old Alexa is playing in the sand having a great time. Can we go into the ocean? I am hesitant but I say yes, and off I go walking into the ocean. As I swim to the ocean floor, the sun is peaking through allowing me a clear image of all that awaits. I see a starfish and an oyster with a pearl inside. Do you want to explore the pearl? I said no. Can you pick up the starfish and turn it upside down? What do I see? It's too bright to look at - I need sunglasses to see it. It is this bright golden yellow light. It is beautiful. All of a sudden I feel this light go over my body - it doesn't change how I feel, all it does is make me bright. Bright enough for my eyes to witness what the world sees. Bright enough for me to understand this is what the world sees. Bright enough for me to realize, I am not just Alexa. I am Alexa.

I swim up to the sand again and I begin to show off my starfish, because this is one cool ass starfish. What do people think of starfish? Immediately I know, not everyone likes it. I begin to cry. I don't understand why people don't like starfish - starfish is beautiful, and bright, and fun, what is there not to like about starfish? As the tears fade, I comfort 6 year old Alexa and remind her that there will be people in the world who do not like starfish solely for the sake that they forget they also have their own starfish. I remind her she is loved, i remind her she is smart, i remind her she will never be alone. and we move on. How much sadness exists? 20%.

What age are we going to now? 11. And what does 11 year old Alexa want? She wants to be liked, by her friends and a boy. When I see 11 year old Alexa I can see how convoluted her mind is. Full of ideas of who she should be, what she should look like, fear that she will be in this body forever. All I can see is me looking at her worried little face and feeling this deep motherly love. I remind her that she is only a child, and her only concern right now is to be a child. There will be time for all the things she is concerned about. I show her the beautiful woman she grows up to be and I show her all the dates we will go on. and all the friends she will have, and I tell her to enjoy the moment, because this too shall pass. Where does this exist in your body? I know it exists in my sacral chakra, and yet I couldn't say that so I reply with, I cannot identify it. What image comes to mind? a beautiful big pink heart. Excellent, let's integrate pink heart back into your body. I begin to put pink heart back in my body, but instead pink heart says oh no honey, you will come into me. I feel myself consumed by the pink heart, feeling this desire to wine and dine myself, take myself on dates, treat myself to a special occasion just the two of us. and by two i mean one. lol How much sadness exists? 5%.

How old are you? 17. And what memory comes to mind? I am home, my parents are out, a guy I work with texts me that he is coming over to my house, I let him in my garage, he has sex with me, he is 30. I cry for her. I cry for her not knowing any better. I cry for her thinking she was grown and this was okay. It turns to anger, anger for this man who knew better. What is wrong with you? What is wrong with all of you? Miller, AJ, Aries. You are all predators. 30-40 year old men, having sex with a 17-19 year old girl. I find 17 year old Alexa and I distract her. I don't tell her not to do it, I just choose to hang out with her and go inside to talk, watch a movie, paint her nails, and keep her busy. Because I know if I tell her not to, she will want to do it anyway. Because she is me, and I am her. How much sadness exists? none. none that is mine anyway.

Let's go above the timelines now. I fly above the timeline and I see what a minuscule chunk of my life is compared to the greater timeline - it went on forever and it glowed a vibrant yellow and orange color. Is the sadness, pre-birth, during birth, or post birth? Pre-birth. Is the sadness past life or generational? Generational. How many generations back? 4. Maternal or Paternal. Maternal. What do you see? I am holding this giant heavy golden ball about the size of a boulder. I am laughing because I cannot put it down. Why can't you put it down? I don't know how but I want to. What will happen if you put it down? I don't know. Why don't you ask starfish to help you put it down? So starfish comes and helps me put it on the ground but I still have a hand on it. What will happen if you let it go? I will lose my family. Do you really believe that? No. One finger. I am laughing again, I only have one finger on it now but I cannot let it go. A golden woman comes and grabs my hand and helps me to let go. I know she is one of my ancestors.

What do the ancestors want you to know? That I can trust my mom. What else? She is sorry. Yes, she is sorry, and? And that she didn't know any better. Correct. She didn't know any better. What else do they want you to know? To believe in the magic. And what else? I look up and I see all the ancestors that came before me. Hundreds upon hundreds of beautiful golden glowing women. There are hundreds of them! Correct, and where's your papa? I begin to search for him and I recognize his soul HE'S SO BIG!! Exactly, he's so big, he came to earth with you because he loves you that much. So when he goes back to the spirit world, do you think you will ever be alone? Of course not! because he loves me so much. Correct, he loves you so much. I know my soul can put this one to rest now because even if he is to go physically on Earth, I know where I can find him.

Let's go back to our timeline. What do you see? I see myself holding a small gold heavy ball, approximately the size of a soccer ball. I cannot put it down. What do you need? I need help putting it down but my mom is holding her own yellow ball with her back turned to me. I know in order for me to put mine down I need my mom to help me. But I worry she will be too preoccupied with hers to help me. Let's float above the timeline. What do you see? at the medium level I see my mom turn around. at the high level I see her help me put mine down and hold my hands. I begin to cry because I know how much she loves me. Yours and your mom's relationship will never be the same. any sadness you experience from here on out will be yours and yours only. It will no longer be tied to the ancestral line. and we begin exiting the trance. I am home. I am safe. I am loved.

[holisticsoulhealer]

Future Potential - A Spiritual Story

I must admit to the fact that I so often live in the future. I will also admit that I can more often than not see the potential in others, whether they can or will reach it or not. It’s often got me into quite a bit of trouble. For example, if I can see how lovely someone can be, and they show up as not at all that ( and are in fact, quite terrible in their approach) it sometimes has taken me a while to adjust to the facts of their reality, rather than live in the dream of their potential.

I used to build their best selves in my vision, and then be quite disappointed in how they showed up, in sometimes their worst selves right before my eyes. It wasn’t their fault. They were being them on a lower conscious level while I was viewing them from a higher level that wasn’t where they were living from at all.

This was a huge lesson I had to learn and as I share it with you now, for the most part I have to say, it’s way better these days, and I don’t stand in someone’s potential anymore. I see it and celebrate within myself that I have the gift to see that. I no longer imagine that they live there, and instead I see them as they are, with a glimmer of hope that they will reach the place of light that I can see for them.

The person I’m the most responsible for in walking always towards future potential is the one and only - yours truly, ME.

I began to share many years ago, a future vision I had for myself, that seemed so simple, yet wasn’t the way I was living. When entering new classes, new learning opportunities, questions were often asked.

“What do you want out of life?”

“What does success look like for you?”

“What are your dreams and goals?”

I began to have the same answer for all of these futuristic questions………………

“I wish to experience outrageous happiness.”

It’s still my answer and I can say that I have begun to experience exactly that.

When a future goal meets the present reality, it could be said that we have met our future potential.

As always, please share this post with anyone that you feel can benefit from it! Please like us on your social media channels and subscribe to our mailing list if you haven't already done so! We are mailing out a monthly newsletter and a recap each week of our blog posts and interesting tidbits! This is how you can stay informed with what is new in the world of The Holistic Soul Healer!!

Love & Blessings,

Ruth

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[cherubchoirs]

Cyrus is an incredible person, albeit a terrible one. He had the intelligence to start an energy company, the charisma to start a cult, the courage to try to bend Gods to his will, and the self-control to completely repress his emotions for years. Almost anyone else with those traits, evil or not, could easily find peace or “show them all” or whatever just by collecting wealth, status, adoration, and the like. There must be so much rage and bitterness in Cyrus for that not to be enough for him.

I KINDA...ran away with some theories.....

YOU GET IT.......cyrus is so interesting in who he is and what we can piece together from the little we're given about him. what's most striking about his character is its intensity imo - his design is stark and troubled, his way of speaking is cold and matter-of-fact despite the subject matter, and his motivations belie something in him as deeply empathetic in contrast to his stance on emotions. he has achieved a ridiculous amount, he's clearly a genius in his field and what he chooses to study, but still he appears to be filled with so much pain that it's eating him away from the inside.

nothing is good enough for cyrus, he can never be perfect no matter what he manages to accomplish because any emotion makes him incomplete and he has a deep well of hatred in him. he expresses it only a couple times, but honestly i find it so effective, especially his breakdown in response to the events of the distortion world. cyrus has done so much and he is so much...but he is forever othered, he is always on the outside and he can't be understood by anyone, it seems. when cynthia asks him why he can't just go be on his own and leave everyone else alone, he counters asking why he has to be the one to hide and compromise for others. that response is pretty selfish, but it felt very much like a person who has constantly tried to fit into what they should be, who has tried to live the way others wanted, and who still failed.

we do know his parents never thought of him as good enough, and it must have been to a fairly extreme point as his grandfather regrets not taking him in over it. additionally, his bond with rotom also hints at his severe loneliness - rotom is a solitary, elusive pokemon in diamond and pearl, one that spends its time hiding from humans in electronics. i think cyrus is then meant to be a complement to that, since we know too that he had trouble connecting to people or pokemon and only seemed to have an interest in electronics. he was brilliant, inventive and a good student, yet he was still kept at arm's length by those around him because he was odd. i think this outsider status became deeply ingrained in his sense of self, he built an identity around it in many ways, but i think that only began to collapse when he lost his rotom. he could deal with being different when he had another little weirdo to spend his days with, it was him and rotom as a team, both on the outside but happy with one another because they both finally found a kindred spirit. however, losing that one connection, the lifeline that kept him from being truly alone in the world, made him slip into the extremes of despair we find in the game.

in pokemas, he mentions in his villain arc that the only reason everyone else emphasizes the importance of bonds is because they haven't yet felt the pain they produce when they end. he also says in the game how useless those feelings are because death eventually steals them away forever...which all point toward cyrus being in a deep amount of grief (and possible bereavement). he has spent a lifetime not being enough, being extraordinary in what he could (and did) achieve, but all of it is rendered moot because he will never be "right", and all the weight of that finally fell on his head once he was truly alone. for cyrus, that pain is unbearable and the loneliness he experiences is deeply cruel, deeply unfair. he wants a world alone because true and total isolation is better than being surrounded by people that will never understand him, ones that will never connect with him.

[aro-is-gay-af]

The Midnight of Despair | Volturi Kings x fem!reader

As you all can see, I got carried away just a little with this one. It was supposed to be a one-shot, but I'm planning at least part two, since this part got soooo long.

Anyway!

I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing. Sorry for any grammatical errors, as well as any confusion with syntax. English isn't my native but I always try my best! Constructive criticism is always welcomed.

Please, pay attention to the warnings. If you are uncomfortable with any of the topics, simply do not read.

I pictured here Aro from the films (as Michael Sheen is perfect for this part), Caius from the films (maybe a little bit older) and Marcus from the films but his younger self (maybe 20?). Also, I wrote at one point that [Y/N] has blonde hair and blue eyes but it just helped me with the descriptions. Obviously, you can picture characters according to your wishes.

Warnings: Rape (graphic description!), Depression, PTSD, Swear words, Forced Pregnancy

Word count: 7816 (!)

Summary: [Y/N] and Bella are childhood friends. They were always there for each other. [Y/N] had tough times and struggles with everyday life. Bella faces depression after Edward had left her. [Y/N] tries to get her going and alive. One day [Y/N] is raped and gets pregnant with the rapist. Not long after that it turns out that Edward got himself into the mess with Volturi. [Y/N], even traumatized and in pieces, will not let Bella go without her supervision to Italy. What is going to happen when [Y/N] will stay at Volterra? Is she really predestined to be Kings' mate? Is she going to have her baby or abort the pregnancy? Will the trauma go away or is she going to struggle for a long time?

You thought that the death of your parents was enough to break you. As they say, if you’re not willing to bend, you’ll break. And you did. After all.

Ever since you’ve been born, everything went downhill. You were a weak child and within your first five years of life, you’ve gone through countless surgeries. Something was terribly wrong with your spine and the doctors were worried that you wouldn't be able to move normally.

You got your ‘happily ever after’. After fourteen surgeries and taking more than a dozen medications, you could be considered healthy. It made you remember the better part of your childhood. At this point, you couldn’t even recall constant visits at hospital or ingesting enormous amount of drugs.

What you could recall, was the agony that your mom went through while dying of pancreatic cancer. You tried to help her but there was literally no help available. Sure, chemo did help, but only a little tiniest bit. When someone got this type of cancer, there was only one way to die. It was neither pretty, nor pleasant.

So your mother died when you were sixteen. Your father followed shortly after her. He suffered from severe depression after your mother’s passing, but it was the car accident that got him killed. You were just before your graduation.

You’ve finished school and tried to go on. It wasn’t exactly an easy path to follow. You had the feeling that fate had made you its whore and the devil knows his jokes. Somehow, you got through college. You used the money from your dad's insurance policy entirely for your education. It was the only thing you could do to secure your future.

At 22, you got a job at the same hospital where doctor Cullen worked. You were a nurse on the paediatrics ward, but the hospital in Forks was so small that you often found yourself working with doctor Cullen. He was always kind to you and exuded a fatherly warmth. However, like everyone from Cullen family, he was slightly withdrawn from all conversations and social activities.

You noticed a slight change in his behaviour when your best friend, Bella, started dating with the doctor's youngest son, Edward. Carlisle has been talking to you more and more. The conversations weren't long – more like short exchanges of words, whether about his family’s well-being or any leisure activities both of you devoted yourselves after work. Nevertheless, you started calling each other by the others’ given name.

You met with Bella on average once a week. Sure, you were four years older than her, but the age difference never was a problem. You always got along well, and age had nothing to do with it. With time, you've watched Bella thrive during her relationship with Edward and you've enjoyed her happiness. Your relationship had loosened a little, but you didn't hold it against her. With Forks being so small, you could easily meet Bella on the street or in a shop and talk to her about silly things or this boyfriend of hers. It made her blush furiously every time you brought up the topic, especially if Edward waited nearby.

And then, just like that, something snapped. Of course, you heard about their huge quarrel about god knows what, and that Bella wanted to make herself scarce immediately. Charlie called you that night if , by any chance, you could talk some sense into her. Bella not once picked up her phone and then she got her stupid ass into the hospital. And magically reconciled with Edward. That’s when you started to be suspicious. Something wasn’t right about this situation, at all, but you let it be.

Time passed and even though you liked Carlisle as a colleague, you became gradually suspicious about him and his family. Things that you noticed were little, almost insignificant, but something told you that there’s more than meets the eye. Bella herself began to limit contact with you, mainly due to her lack of time for Edward. But when you did get a chance to meet and talk, the subject of Edward still came to the surface.

You tried to understand your friend, while not understanding her at all. You also were in love once but your mother's illness and then your father's death took too much of a toll on you, to experience your first love in such an intense way. It was incomprehensible to you, how Bella could lose her head so much for this boy. And yet you tried, tried to be there when Bella needed you the most. Simply because you were a good friend and also because you needed a friend.

You were left alone, out in this world, with no one to care about and no one to love. Only Bella, as present and, most importantly, alive person, connected you with your childhood and good memories from that time. She was the only one left. You considered her your family and you didn’t want to lose her too. Not after all you’ve been through.

At the day of her birthday, you saw her quickly after her school. You gave her a small gift and you both agreed to meet a day later because Edward's family had invited her to stay at their place. After that birthday, everything changed. The next day Bella went missing. You went to her house exactly as agreed and Charlie said she had been gone for a few hours.

When Bella was found later that evening by Sam, Charlie's colleague, everything became frighteningly clear. The Cullens had moved out of town. Apparently, Carlisle had gotten a lucrative job somewhere else. That didn't surprise you, he was a really great doctor. But how could he not mention a word of it to you? Not that you were so close to him but you considered him a good comrade of yours and moving out of town like this, without a word… It seemed extremely strange to you.

The months that followed were very similar. Bella fell into a deep depression and apathy. You came to visit her, but during these visits it was mainly you who talked. You talked about work, about your next qualification course and about the anniversary of your mum's death. Bella mostly remained silent. Charlie confirmed that, yes, she did go to school, but apart from that, she sat in her room all day and stared at the window.

You knew from Charlie that she was slowly trying to reconnect with her friends. And that she was spending a lot of time with that boy from the reservation. You were happy because it meant that your friend was slowly coming back to life. Maybe not back to normal, not yet, but at least she was trying. And you were trying too. To be a good friend, a good sister to her.

You started talking more during your visits at her house. Unlike before, the subject of Edward didn't exist. It was as if he had never existed. So you did not mention him at all. Bella was healing, slowly, just as you were, when both of your parents died. She was there for you, even if you could only talk to her on the phone because, at that time, she permanently lived with Renee.

For the first time in several months, you hoped that things would somehow work out. In your life, the moments when you were truly happy never lasted long. It was the same this time. One day, you went to Port Angeles to buy new clothes for work. Yours were still from your university days, worn out, but not so long ago you were short of money and preferred to spend it on other things rather than buying new clothes.

By the time you got back to your car it was pretty late. The car park was deserted. On your way to the car, a man accosted you and, before you knew it, he had hit you on the head with something heavy. When you woke up, you were in a squalid alley. The man was pressing you against a wall with all his strength. You only realised what he was going to do, when you felt a cool breeze brush against your bare legs. Your trousers and underwear were almost at your ankles. You started to squirm, trying to free yourself from his iron grip. You heard his quiet giggle next to your ear.

"Don't resist angel, I’ll be quick," he whispered in your ear, pawing at your breasts with his left hand. You felt sick to your stomach. He had hideous breath, as if he had been drinking for three days, then puked and drank again. You started to jerk harder, to pull away, but it only caused you pain. He held tight, pushing against you with his whole body and whispering disgusting things under his breath. When he finally entered you, he tugged hard on your hair. He made no effort to cover your mouth because you didn't even try to scream. You were out of breath, unable to say a word. You were afraid that he would kill you. You wanted him to go away so that the pain would end and you could finally go home.

When he finished, he let you go and just walked away. You stood there, half naked, frozen and shaken, for god knows how long. You were unable to move. When you felt his semen running down your leg, you finally managed to vomit. Your cheek was bruised and scratched from how hard he pressed you against the rough wall. You wanted to go home, but you didn't have the strength to get up from the street.

You weren't sure how much time had passed, but you finally got up. You got dressed and walked to your car. Everything hurt. You didn't want to, but you knew, you had to go to the hospital. You could not leave it like that. He had already hurt you, but what about the others? You couldn't let that happen. All the way to the hospital in Port Angeles your hands were trembling. Returning to that memory, you didn't even remember how you got to the ER.

At the hospital, they took care of you properly. They called the police. Two female doctors were there for a medical examination. The nurses were very nice. You tried to put on a good face. You've thought about how your sexual experiences has been so far. Your first sex, like most people's, was terrible. Your boyfriend was two years older, you were 17 and it all went wrong. You were in pain. He didn't seem too happy either. Up until you graduated from high school, you tried to make it work somehow, but there were never any fireworks. It wasn't until college that you discovered the good side of sex.

However, you never had sex with someone you loved more than life. You haven't met anyone like that. And you were sure that sex with that person would be unique and exceptional. Until now, of course. Lying on a hospital bed, you felt exploited. Abused. Filthy. Humiliated. How can one do something like that to another person? The nurse asked if someone could come and pick you up, and you didn't have much of a choice. You called Bella. While she was on her way to the hospital, you let the police officers question you. You mechanically slurred the words as if it wasn't about you at all. As if it wasn’t you that had been raped.

As soon as you saw Bella, you were no longer able to pretend that nothing had happened. You were sobbing and she hugged you tight, telling you that he would pay for it. You weren't so sure about that. You wanted to be home as soon as possible, so you went back to Forks. Bella said nothing while driving because there was nothing that could be said. In the shower, you scrubbed yourself so hard with the pumice that you thought you had taken off all your skin. To your absolute disgust, you could still feel his touch on you. You could hear him whisper against your ear and you could smell his hideous breath.

A week has passed. Bella texted you every day, and you were able to hang out almost every other day. She was a good sister, a great friend. She didn't want to leave you alone in this. Despite being offered leave, you went to work. You didn't want to keep thinking about what happened. Each time, after taking a bath, you were unable to look in the mirror. On the first day, right after scrubbing, you decided to take a look. You had bruises on your stomach, thighs, buttocks and breasts. Your forearms were scraped, your cheek was scratched and bruised. The worst of it was that you had been bleeding for days. The gynaecologist said, it was due to too much force, and the fact that you actively resisted for a while.

You were trying to get back to normal. You went to work, you were seeing Bella and taking your course. But no one could touch you. You didn't even shake hands to say hello. You didn't care at all, you couldn’t endure a touch anymore. Not in any way. You didn't get your period, but the doctor said it could happen. It was a shock to the body and a lot of pain to bear. Also, you bled for almost a week after the rape.

You started to be afraid to go out alone. When in a shop or at work, if anyone approached you from behind, you started panicking and hyperventilating. You couldn’t walk ordinarily on the street. You looked behind every two or three minutes to assure yourself that nobody was following you. Your hands trembled while driving the car or making the tea. Your eyes were starting to water as soon as someone even tried to touch you. You had nightmares and you started losing your mind because of this.

When your period did not come in the following month, you began to worry. Surely you couldn't get pregnant with this... monster. Not you. Of course you have checked. You would not be able to live in such ignorance. It turned out that yes, you indeed were pregnant. When the doctor confirmed it, you fainted. Not you, not like that. You didn't even think you'd ever be a mum. Let alone like this. You hated your body even more and the fact that it had betrayed you in such a villainous way.

You knew this path led to madness. You were in an even worse mental condition, than after losing your mum; than after dad died in the accident. You have shed countless tears. You didn't want to abort this pregnancy, and at the same time you wanted it with all your heart. If only you were able to defend yourself. Break away from him and run as far away as possible. It would never have happened. But you were weak and didn't even have the energy to scream. Would it have made any difference though?

You were constantly beating yourself up with thoughts about whether you should keep the baby, when something completely bizarre happened. Jacob called you that he had to rescue Bella after jumping off a cliff. Annoyed, you got in your car and drove up to the Swans' house. Bella's car wasn't there, so you waited patiently in yours. When they arrived, you were boiling with rage.

“Have you lost your fucking mind?!” you shouted, as you got out of the car.

Bella rolled her eyes. She looked miserable. Her eyes were bloodshot and she was soaked through. She smiled weakly towards you.

“It was just for fun, you know” she muttered, as you hugged her tightly. It was your first closer contact since…

“It was just for sport,” she tried again.

You snorted in annoyance.

“Yeah, sure, get inside before you get sick.”

As you both stepped onto the porch, Jacob unexpectedly grabbed Bella's wrist. They shared a look.

“Are you sure about this?”

“Yes. You can go now, Jake,” she muttered, trying to disentangle herself from his grasp.

You smiled weakly at him, while Bella was looking for her keys.

“Cool, I'll take care of her until Charlie gets back. Thanks for saving her stupid ass,” you said. Jacob smiled amused, but still seemed slightly tense.

“No problem. Always at your service,” he joked. “Well... See ya around,” he said goodbye and walked away to his car.

You walked into the house with Bella.

“What were you thinking? You could have died” you muttered under your breath, stripping off your jacket.

“Well...actually I wasn't thinking, like, at all” Bella admitted, smiling apologetically at you.

“Next time think about Charlie,” you said, hugging her once more. Your body screamed that you shouldn't do that, but you were glad that Bella was okay.

While Bella changed into dry clothes, you made hot tea for both of you. Someone knocked on the door. The knocking was not from the front, but from the courtyard. You walked slowly to the door and opened it. Edward's sister, Alice, stood in front of you. You wouldn't have known what she looked like, if Bella hadn't shown you pictures of her. But other than that, you knew quite a bit about her, because when Bella was still with Edward, she couldn’t kept her mouth shut about Alice.

“Hi. Can I come in?” she asked politely. She tried to look normal, but there was something in her behaviour that made you nervous. You were about to reply, when Bella appeared in the kitchen.

“Alice!” she squealed, throwing herself around the brunette's neck. After a moment, she pulled away and looked at Alice in disbelief. "Are you really here? Or am I just dreaming this?" asked Bella.

It was your turn to roll the eyes.

“Of course she’s here” you said, now slightly annoyed. “Don’t be bothered by me, please, proceed to whatever you wanted to say.”

Your sarcastic tone was not intended, but justified. You were slowly beginning to get fed up with this family's games. First they move out and turn Bella's life upside down, and now the big comeback? Something's not right here. Besides, at that moment, you weren't the right person to play with. You had enough problems of your own and your life was messed up enough. What you didn't know at that moment, was that everything was about to change fundamentally very soon.

Alice took no notice of you.

"Bella, listen. Edward thinks you committed suicide. He told me that he doesn't want to live either, so he is on his way to the Volturi to ask them for an execution."

You had no idea what she was talking about. Bella was terrified, and you didn't know what was going on here.

"What, who the fuck are Volturi? Did Edward get involved with some cult? Also, how did he know Bella killed herself?" you asked, not understanding anything of what Alice was talking about earlier.

"We have to go to Italy, Bella,” she ignored you once more. “If they refuse him, I'm not sure what he'll do" as Alice spoke, Bella began to gather herself quickly to leave.

You grabbed her hand.

"And where do you think you are going?" you asked in disbelief. Bella looked at you apologetically.

"Y/N, I have to go. They're going to murder him. Just the fact that I'm alive will convince him."

You snorted in disbelief.

"You're dead serious? And can't you call him and tell him it's a misunderstanding? Besides, Bella, this guy ghosted you. He left you here, alone, with not one explanation and you want to fly to the other side of the world to save this dumb ass?" you asked, trying to take your mind off this ludicrous circumstance.

“Oh my god, we’ll take her with us if she’s not going to back down” said Alice in exasperation.

“And to your kind information, I won't back down. Your douchebag brother and the rest of your family turned her adrift. I was the one who pulled her out of her depression, and I will not let the exact same thing happen again because of any of you,”you hissed out in anger. You saw something in Alice's eyes that you considered to be admiration.

You looked at Bella expectantly.

“Y/N, I still love him. I cannot let this go” Bella whispered and you felt as your chest tightened. “Please…”

You heaved a heavy sigh.

“Okey, but I’m coming with you,” you decided and noticed that Alice's eyes were momentarily clouded with mist. You had no idea what was going on here, but you were sure that this whole affair with the Volturi, whoever the hell they were, didn't sound good.

After a few seconds, Alice looked at Bella, then at you and back at Bella.

“Get your coats, we have to go now,” she said.

“But Alice...” protested Bella.

“There's no time for that. We'll explain everything to her on the way. If we start now, we won't get out of here until noon” she muttered exasperatedly, walking out of the house. You looked at Bella.

“Bells, what's this all about?” you asked, and she just sighed quietly. You both quickly got your shoes on.

“We'll tell you on the plane but I'm afraid the Volturi won't like that a lot,” she said with worried expression on her face.

When you were at the airport waiting for a plane, you had countless questions in your head. Why the fuck Edward was pulling such nonsense? Why to be so dramatic about thing that didn’t even happen? Did this idiot really get involved in some sort of cult? And why was his sister so concerned about it that she decided to tell you ‘everything’, whatever needed to be said? However, the question that kept you wondering was who were the mysterious Volturi and what could they possibly resent about you?

One thing you were sure of. There hadn't been a moment since the sexual assault when you hadn't thought about it. And now your thoughts were occupied by the mysterious Volturi and you immensely wanted to find out what it was really all about.

⋎⋎⋎

On a plane ride, you found out that vampires are no fairy tales and your best friend was in love with one. It was a wild thought but, as soon as Alice started taking, you knew it wasn’t a joke. You were given so much information at once that you were unable to respond to anything as Alice finished her long monologue. You had a drink of water, although at that moment you very much regretted not being able to drink whisky.

“Okey, lets say I get most of this…” you said with a low voice, trying to be careful with what you’re saying. “But can you tell me who are Volturi and why would they want to decapitate Edward?” you asked, looking sideways, afraid that someone might hear.

Alice let out a sigh.

“The Volturi are the equivalent of the justice system in our world. They are the ones who created the laws that help us hide from the world, and they are the ones who enforce them. They consider themselves… sort of royalty, as their leaders – Aro, Caius and Marcus – are over three thousand years old.”

If you were to be honest, you were not very good at processing this information. Three thousand years? The first thought that popped into your mind was that they must be immensely lonely. You were sure you wouldn't want to live so many years without having anyone worthy by your side. Later, Alice quickly summarised all the laws that every vampire must obey. They weren't complicated, but when you thought about it a little longer, some of them weren't so easy to follow.

“I don't want to whine, or come off as ungrateful or anything like that, but... didn't you just break the law? By telling me about you?” you asked cautiously, not knowing if what you were saying was right.

Alice sighed again, this time heavier than before.

“It’s complicated” she said succinctly, which interested Bella, who was eating some kind of sandwich.

“This vision of yours was about [Y/N]?” she asked Alice curiously. Alice merely nodded. When Alice told you about her gift, and this was at the very beginning of the story, you found it hard to believe. It wasn’t so unbelievable now.

"Eat something," Alice said to you. "It's good for the baby" she added after a moment, seeing you hesitate. You swallowed heavily, as you suddenly felt sick. The memories of that evening came back.

Alice smiled softly, as if knowing exactly what you were thinking about. And this was supposed to be Edward's gift.

"Do you want to know the sex of the baby?" she asked, and your eyes almost fell out.

"Can you predict that?" you asked in disbelief. She and Bella both smiled. Alice nodded vigorously.

"Yeah, sure. I can't predict if the baby... you know, if it will be born, however, the sex I can tell you.”

You pondered on it, while eating your sandwich. The nausea eased, when you could think of something different than that unlucky evening. Before you knew it, you fell asleep and Alice woke you up when you landed in Italy. As Alice drove the stolen car, you tried to admire the beautiful views of Tuscany outside your window. When you had almost reached Volterra, you thought how wonderful it would be to live here.

⋎⋎⋎

This stupid boyfriend of hers. That was all his fault. Of course, Bella made it at the last minute. You, together with Alice, went to abandon the stolen car somewhere. Although, you had a feeling that you would be returning the exact same way. You tried to reassure yourself. Of course you’ll be returning. Or maybe not? If you were honest, you gave no fucks about it. You had no one who’d wait for you at home, your parents died, you were brutally raped not so long ago, and you didn’t even know if you wanted to keep the baby. Maybe dying today isn’t such a bad idea?

You have reached the square and entered the palace at a very convenient time. The guy who looked like a wardrobe and the other one, much shorter than him and blonde, looked like they were about to murder Edward in this instant. And actually, you felt like you could’ve murdered Edward too. Barely Alice closed the door, you didn't even glance at the two of them, but immediately began to scold Edward for what he had done. To hell with his gift!

“You stupid, immature, irresponsible, reckless and selfish bastard!” you started descriptively, and even Bella was taken aback by your behaviour. Alice raised her eyebrows and two other vampires looked at themselves and then straight at you. Edward had no time for any reply. “If you ever, I repeat, if you ever again do something as childish and irresponsible as expose my best friend to a nervous breakdown and months of depression, I promise you, here and now, that I will decapitate you myself. You're old, and yet a five-year-old child is smarter than you. You utter imbecile,” you hissed with hatred.

Of course, your malice towards him was temporary, but it's been a long time since anyone has angered you like that. The shorter man laughed under his breath, and the other one, who looked like a wardrobe, said:

“Can we keep her? I like the way she’s ruling the roost.”

He fell silent, as a short, pretty blonde woman entered the room. Her face was like a child's, but her eyes... bright red, staring at no one else but you.

“Jane” greeted her Edward. She didn’t even look at him.

“Aro sent me to see what was taking so long” she said. The atmosphere immediately became tense. Edward and Alice seemed to stiffen at the sound of Aro's name. You were curious but not frightened. Not yet.

Jane turned and immediately started walking towards the long corridor. Bella just looked at Edward, and you glanced at Alice.

“Do what she says,” she muttered to you and you both kept pace with the couple in the front.

Needless to say, it was the most stressful and also the most terrifying lift ride you've ever experienced. Not to add the creepy music background. You guessed it was supposed to make you feel better, but instead it made your whole stomach go up to your throat. You were standing right in the middle, next to Bella, holding Alice's hand. The vampire, who looked like a wardrobe, kept looking at you. You took a deep breath to calm your nerves. Puking on someone's shoes isn't going to make this situation any better. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Edward smile. Yeah, the situation you’ve found yourself in was extremely funny indeed.

When you reached the main chamber, you didn't know what to look at first. At the vampires standing against every wall? Not very wise of you. At the marble floor? Nothing to be afraid of for now, so no. You probably should have looked at the three thrones in front of you and the vampires that sat on them, but instead, you were interested in the Latin phrase engraved between the columns above you.

You glanced at your company. Edward looked as if he was about to die. Maybe that's what's going to happen? Alice looked very out of sorts, and Bella, well, she was hanging onto Edward's arm and also looked like she was about to leave this world for good. She was unnaturally pale and you though she was going to faint any second. But it never happened. The rest of the room felt extremely comfortable. For a moment, you turned your head towards the boy who called out to Jane. You did not let go of Alice's hand but you did not feel any anxiety. Curiosity prevailed, mainly because you had come to terms with the fact of your imminent death.

“Sister! Sent you out to get one and you bring back two. And two halves,” the boy who’s just called Jane his sister probably was talking about me and Bella. “Such a clever girl,” he praised her like he wasn’t his sister but someone else entirely. You sighed heavily. Maybe they’re also into incest-kind-of-relationships? Who knows. You looked above your head again. There was a short inscription “vita brevis, ars longa” but you knew the rest of it. Latin was obligatory in every medical school.

When the man from the middle throne stood up, it was to him that you directed all your attention. You felt that something about him was... you had no idea how to describe it, but you felt a strange pull towards him. As if some invisible force had power over you.

“What a happy surprise!” he said pointedly, wide smile on his face. “Bella is alive after all. Isn’t that wonderful?” he said cheerfully, while walking towards Edward. At that exact moment, you realised that you had managed to get yourself into a huge mess. The lair of the vampires. And you were only a weak human. Recently raped. With a baby under your heart.

As soon as the man stepped down from the platform, you were unable to take your eyes off him. His posture, the way he spoke, his demeanour, it all made you feel incredible respect for him. You’ve never felt this secure and calm in your entire life.

“I love a happy ending,” the man said, while he took Edwards’ hand into his. “They’re so rare.”

You were wondering why this man took Edward’s hand in the first place. You did not have to wait long for an explanation.

“Aro can read every thought that I’ve ever had. With one touch” Edward explained to Bella but you were listening too. Very carefully listening. You’ve finally managed to know the name of the vampire. Aro. It suited him well. Although his eyes were a little scary, you were delighted with his charisma and approach to guests. You realised that indeed, they are called the royal family for a reason.

Aro smiled to Edward.

“Her blood appears to you so much,” he whispered, and you had a hard time hearing his words well. Aro’s gaze rested on Bella. “It makes me thirsty. How can you stand to be so close to her?” he asked Edward, who was feeling more and more uncomfortable. You could tell by the fact that he was practically standing like a statue.

“It is not without difficulty,” muttered Edward from behind his clenched teeth.

You swallowed hard, as Aro turned his gaze to Bella again but he smiled.

“Ah, I can see that” he said pleased, moving away from Edward and focusing all his attention on Bella.

“Although you’re a quite soul-reader yourself, Edward, you cannot read Bella’s thoughts” he made a rather dramatic pause, still staring stubbornly at your best friend. “Fascinating” he said, not hiding his curiosity.

You managed to look elsewhere, than at Aro. The man on the throne to your left seemed unusually agitated. He fixed his gaze on you, as if his life depended on it, yet you did not feel uncomfortable. You were surprised to discover that an invisible force was also drawing you towards him. You almost took a step forward. You tried to remember the man from a few minutes ago. He looked as if he had died in that chair a few centuries ago. And now he seemed genuinely moved.

“Brother” the man spoke to Aro, as he got up from his throne. Indeed, there seemed to be an urgency to the matter, for Aro turned around in surprise. You had the impression that the man from the throne had not risen from it for a long time.

“You knew about this, and you brought her anyway?” you heard Edward's quiet whisper, directed at Alice.

Alice looked at her brother, then at you and finally at a curious Aro.

"It would have happened anyway. Better sooner than later" Alice murmured mysteriously. You still didn't know what it was even about. The third man, the one on your right, did not share his brothers' patience.

"Aro, let's hurry this up, Heidi will be here soon, and we don't want to frighten our guests" he said ominously, grinning like a madman. You were far from solving this riddle, but as soon as you looked at him, you felt the same attraction and enigmatic pulling as towards the other two.

Aro took his brother's hand in his own and you could see that his eyes would have lit up with happiness if they could.

“Ah, my dear Marcus! What an exceptional news!” intoned Aro cheerfully, heading towards you. He was slow in his movements, exactly so that you would not be frightened by him. All his movements were framed by an incredible grace.

“My dear, if I may, what is your name?” he asked, coming closer to you. You were unable to take your eyes off him. It was exactly, as if he had hypnotised you, only the feeling was more addictive. You didn't have to have a gift or to be a vampire to know that. For a split second, you ran out of breath and just stared into his red irises.

“My name is [Y/N]” you said, with your voice trembling, as your throat tightened hard under the intense emotions. You couldn't believe it was really happening. Maybe it was just a dream? Maybe these three beautiful men are just a figment of your imagination? You didn't even want to think about the fact that it might not be true.

Aro smiled encouragingly, while looking at you with all the attention that he’d possibly give you. You felt like nothing more was more important than you to him at that exact moment.

"It is an incredible pleasure to meet you, [Y/N]. I am Aro, but you already know that.”

The smile never left his face and during this brief exchange of words, neither of you took your eyes off the other. You felt that the atmosphere in the room had changed. Aro extended his alabaster hand in an inviting gesture.

“May I, my dear?” he asked you politely.

You gulped. Of course, you wanted to show him that you didn't want to give away their secret. You wanted to show him the strange bond you felt towards him and his brothers. However, there were things you didn't want him to see. You felt deep down inside that this attraction had an explanation and you didn't want him to see... Not that. You’d felt exposed and extremely embarrassed. There was also another issue. His hand. You'd hugged Bella twice since it happened and just now you were holding Alice's hand. You didn't know if, when you touched him, you'd start screaming or crying because you were so afraid of someone else's touch.

Yet, his hand looked so inviting, almost familiar, as if you'd already had the chance to touch it before. Aro himself showed no impatience. He waited, still gazing into your blue irises with his crimson eyes. You extended your hand towards him, at first cautiously, and then with a little more confidence. You took a deep breath, before your fingers made contact. When it happened, you felt as if you had come home after many years of wandering. He closed your hand in his, just as he had done with Edward's. His skin was cold, but he handled you extremely gently. You stared into his eyes as he looked at your thoughts and memories of your whole life. You knew instantly when he was done because he smiled sadly at you. He squeezed your hand gently in his.

"Never again, my love. Never again," he assured passionately, and then he leaned down to place a kiss on your hand. It was so light and as gentle as a breeze on a summer day. You couldn't help but smile.

Aro clapped his hands. He was clearly pleased with what had just happened between you.

"Aro, will you explain to me what's going on? I'm sick of waiting," said the nervous brother, who was the only one with blond hair. Aro smiled widely and turned towards him.

"Ah, Caius, you'll never guess. Finally, after so many years, our mate has honoured us with her presence" he said overjoyed and Caius frowned in awe. You were already able to tell that this did not happen often. Marcus, on the other hand, was sitting on his throne, smiling, still looking in your direction. You didn't miss the glances of the other vampires either. Was it some sort of celebration when Marcus was smiling?

“What does that mean?” it was Bella who snapped that question. Aro immediately appeared by her side. He gently stroked her hair, pulling an unruly strand behind her ear. You felt the sting of jealousy, when he touched her face. You should be the one asking that question and not her.

“Ah, and dear Isabella. What to do with you,” he wondered aloud, as if asking others for advice. “As I have far more important matters to deal with....” he began, looking directly at you. “I’d love to see if you’re an exception to my gift as well,” he whispered to Bella, extending his hand towards her. She didn't have much choice, did she? She took his hand, a little hesitantly, but after a short while Aro moved away.

“Interesting” he muttered. “I see nothing.”

“You already know what you’ll do with her, Aro” said Marcus, his eyes never leaving your person. “Just do it, as we want to know our little angel a bit more.”

You looked at Bella for a moment. She was terrified, not only with her own case, but also with yours. You have already guessed that you are not going anywhere. They would never let you out of their hands. Aro knew perfectly well that you didn't even have anything to go back to. Of course, you had plenty of questions, but you were sure it wasn't about your case now. Just about Bella's situation and what the Cullens had done, or rather what they hadn't done. However, you guessed it, Bella was afraid you wouldn't get out of here alive, and at the same time, you were worried about the exact same thing but about her.

Aro was smiling continuously.

“I have an idea” he said, after a long while. He approached Alice this time. “Would you be so kind, dear, and show me if you saw Bella's transformation in your vision?”

You were smart enough to know that it wasn’t a request. Alice undid her glove and boldly gave Aro her hand. He was absent for a moment and then smiled again. You were impressed by the aura he spread around himself. When he smiled, you felt like smiling too. You still had the impression that it was only a dream, and simultaneously you were sure that it was really happening. Aro's touch was definitely real, you couldn’t forget his cool hands embracing your own.

“Ah, lovely. I know everything now,” he declared. You and Bella probably looked similarly confused, but you weren't the least bit concerned and she was as pale as a sheet.

Aro turned directly to Edward.

“As I have seen Isabella's transformation in Alice's vision, I can let you go with peace of mind, my dear young friends. I trust that a date will be set sooner, rather than later and that I will be able to see for myself, what your mate will be capable of, Edward. As for you, Isabella, you are promising immortal material and I hope your potential will not go to waste," he said, this time speaking directly to Bella.

She was still brave enough to look him in the eye.

“And what with [Y/N]? You never mentioned what will happen to her” she noticed, looking in your direction. You smiled gently to her.

“I’m staying here, Bella” you said calmly, trying to reassure her with your tone of voice that all shall be all right.

You saw pure admiration and joyousness on Aro’s face as you said that.

“Isn’t she remarkable, brothers?” he asked Marcus and Caius, who looked as if they had just received the most beautiful Christmas present.

Bella seemed to be thoroughly outrageous.

“You can’t be serious [Y/N]! You cannot stay here, please, come back with us. You cannot be here while you’re pregnant” she cried, holding your hand and looking at you with disbelief.

What she said made you very uncomfortable and extremely upset.

"Bella, I have nothing to go back to. My parents are dead. You knew that if Alice told me everything, it would have to be resolved somehow," you stated matter-of-factly, squeezing her hand in yours. "I can't go back there, Bells." Your throat tightened with despair as memories of recent events flooded inside your mind. You tried to hold back tears.

"I am a shadow of my former self. I'm afraid to leave the house alone to go shopping or to work. This paranoia is overwhelming me, Bella. I keep turning behind me to see if anyone is following me on the street. I cry at night, knowing that it doesn't change anything. And then there's this unfortunate baby," you sighed helplessly, trying not to burst with tears. "Even if I keep it, I don't want it to have a mother who's afraid to leave the house. I can't live like this, we both know that" you whispered, squeezing her hands in yours again.

“But you cannot possibly be mated with all three of them” Bella whispered with despair in her eyes. You only smiled, sensing that this sentence got on Kings’ nerves, especially Caius’s.

“I think it’s predestined, Bella. Just as you are destined to be with Edward, I do belong here, with my mates” you said cautiously, glancing at Aro and looking for approval in his eyes. He was only looking at you with delight, as he said nothing.

You saw that Bella had hard time processing such information, whilst Edward and Alice said nothing at all. You knew that Alice knew prior about this, and Edward could see the vision in her thoughts. You pulled Bella into a comfortable hug.

“Hey, sister, we don’t see each other the very last time. We’ll meet again. Probably in a different…condition but still.”

Bella looked devastated.

“You promise me that?” she asked warily, her tone full of hope. You smiled at her.

“Of course I do.” You kissed her cheek and caressed her long, brown hair. “We can call each other, you know. It’s not like I’m moving to the Moon,” you joked, to release the tension a bit. To your astonishment, everybody in the room laughed at that. It made you blush, just a little tiny bit.

After another farewell, in which this time you also included Alice and Edward (barely, because you were still mad at him) and an official farewell from Aro, who told them to give his friend kind regards from him, the guests left the chamber.

They left, and Aro was immediately by your side. He gently stroked your long blonde hair, but didn't touch a single piece of a skin. After the display of your memories, he probably knew very well that you did not wish any touch for the time being.

You still couldn't free yourself from under his spell and if you were to be honest, you didn't want to at all. Aro offered you his arm.

"I believe, we have much to discuss, my love."

You took his arm gratefully.

"I have a ton of questions," you admitted as you walked out of the chamber with Marcus and Caius slowly following you. You didn't need to look back, the strange bonds that drew you together informed you of their presence in a yet unknown way.

Aro, as usual, smiled magnificently.

"My dear, one thing at a time," he said in a gentle tone, as he patted your forearm with tenderness. When you entered the study with the round table, Aro immediately pushed back a chair for you.

"No one is to disturb us" you heard Caius' sharp tone as he closed the door behind you. You tried to feel comfortable and at ease. After all, this was your home from now on.

Part 2 | Part 3

[leesielex]

Magic Awakens | CH 48: Daenerys Targaryen XIII

Summary: Dany practices dreamwalking. An odd experience occurs and has her questioning what she knows.

A Preview: Daenerys’ body felt the strange effects of practicing magic with Quaithe and Hallah. Her skin felt flushed, and felt like flames flickered within, vibrating through her body. She had just returned from learning to dreamwalk. An effective way to communicate, made possible with the use of a glass candle and/or weirwood tree, having both increased the odds of success.

It was a skill Quaithe often utilised in Dany’s life to speak with her, she learned. It was easiest with another person who possessed such gifts so her first attempts were guided by Quaithe while she visited Hallah’s dreams. It was amazing to visit places long destroyed in Hallah’s memories and dreams.

They had traveled through the woods of Northern Essos where the woodwalkers once lived, above the Dothraki sea. The woodwalkers often lived in massive underground caves, the entrance was carved into ancient trees, including weirwoods. The white barked trees with red leaves used to grow in parts of Essos as well as Westeros thousands of years ago during the Empire of the Dawn.

The roots curled and twisted below the ground. Hallah showed her the city of Vaes Leisi when it was still inhabited, with the hollowed out trees and grottoes. She then brought her to where she had lived as a child before the Ibbenese came and killed many of their people. The woodwalkers then abandoned the settlement to hide in the forests for years, until the fall of the Great Empire of the Dawn.

In truth, the Ibbenese didn’t begin attacking until the Bloodstone Emperor came into power. That was when the peace between different cities began to crumble all over Essos and they began to war with each other. Though minor conflicts were not uncommon under previous rulers, they were quickly resolved.

Once the Bloodstone Emperor’s reign began, chaos ensued, and he seemed to thrive upon it. Watching a small Hallah run with her siblings brought a smile to her face. But as the scene changed to one of blood and gore, horror and heartbreak gripped her. Hallah watched her father and mother die, as her oldest sibling escaped with only her.

The city was not a huge one, and the population was not dense. This just made the devastation worse. For every life lost was truly precious. Of course, for men, destroying one city was never enough. So the woodwalkers became hunted, and the weirwoods and other ancient trees she did not recognize were cut down and burned to ash.

Hallah said they feared their magic. Magic was once revered, yet humans began to fear it and all those who possessed it, because of the dark magic performed by the Bloodstone Emperor. He was too powerful to destroy, but they were determined to weaken and exterminate any other kinds of magic they could.

Dreamwalking in Quaithe’s dreams were equally as wonderful and terrible. Dany was able to walk through the Red Keep, to see family members she never otherwise would have seen. Unfortunately, none of their tales were happy ones.

She watched Sheira as a child, beautiful, with mismatched eyes. Somehow, the imperfection instead of detracting from her beauty, added to it. She spent a lot of time reading and her biggest interest was reading about magic. Even little Sheira would try spells here and there. She had more failures than successes.

Then Dany found herself watching an older Sheira with a man. His hair was white instead of silver, and his eyes as red as blood. “Bloodraven”, Dany whispered. And it almost seemed as if this man, with his bird-like birthmark on his cheek, heard her. She watched as Bloodraven confessed his love for Sheira.

In return, she kissed him sweetly. Then smiled sadly, before telling him, “You know we both have roles to play. Our lives are not meant to be spent together. It is our duty, to our kin, and to humanity. I wish it wasn’t so. But we were both given gifts our siblings were not given for a reason.”

She sighed heavily and felt her shoulders drop as the breath left her lungs. It was glorious and burdening to share these dreams.

Click here to read on AO3

[baixueagain]

So I looked up the Chris Chan thing... and I have never been more horrified and confused. There's an entire encyclopedia website for this person? Jfc. How does the rabbit hole get any deeper ...

Oh my sweet summer child.

Yeah, Chris has been a well known internet personality for about 15 years now. I've been aware of her almost as long as she's been big online. Some trolls have really gone to horrific extents when harassing and manipulating her, but many have simply realised that she really is a fascinating person (which she is). And because she has always been so eager to talk about herself and give the details of her life online, it's been easy to follow her story.

That said, even though she has never deserved any of the cruelty she's gotten, she has also never been a very good person in her own right. Ever since she first began interacting with people online, it has been evident that she is extremely manipulative (her failures are not for a lack of trying), emotionally abusive, sexually predatory, and occasionally openly violent. While she's been manipulated into shitty behaviours by trolls who are far more clever than her, she has also done plenty of terrible things of her own volition despite being told multiple times by many, many people that such things are unacceptable.

However, once she began transitioning around 2014, her comportment changed considerably. I really do think it did a lot for her confidence and mood. She became a lot more gregarious and very focused on being positive about life. For a long time I sincerely thought she was making an effort to improve herself and grow from her experiences (albeit with some...odd coping mechanisms) and I was truly happy for her and proud of her.

But then this came out, and I realized holy shit, nope, she hasn't been working on improving herself. She's just gotten better at hiding her bad behaviour, and has in fact been doing things that were far worse than ever before.

A lot of things have gone into making Chris who she is, from terrible parenting to unprecedented amounts of online harassment (which, again, nobody deserves, not even her). It was, in many ways, a Greek tragedy waiting to happen. But at the same time, she has also proved herself more than capable of making choices for herself, and many of the choices she's made are fucking heinous.

In fact, I would argue that some people who have continued to document Chris Chan over the years--not the trolls who fuck with her but the people who really are just concerned in keeping an eye on her--saw her potential for causing very real harm to herself and others, and this is what motivated them to watch her. The ethics of that are pretty dubious, but many of us who have been aware of her for a long time (such as myself) have also seen how consistently selfish and predatory her behaviour is, even (and perhaps especially) when left to her own devices.

While there are a whole lot of shitstains who have simply enjoyed laughing at her as she hurts people (including herself) and goading her on, there are--contrary to popular belief--a whole lot of people who have sincerely come to care for her as a person and want the best for her.

For a long time, I was one of those people.

But now? After what she's done to her own disabled and dementia-riddled mother, who was effectively her prisoner within their home? My sympathy has run out. I'm just disgusted and angry, and like so many people who were sincerely rooting for Chris to do her best and rise above the turd sandwich the world handed her, I almost feel betrayed. I sincerely cannot emphasize enough how for every jackass on the Farms laughing at her, there's also a fan/supporter of hers who has been feeling nauseated, shaky, and sleepless for the past three days over what she's done.

Instead of rising above that shit, she's chosen to wallow in it and throw it at others. And now she's committed perhaps the ultimate betrayal of a person she claimed to love more than anyone else in the world. A person who trusted her to take care of them.

Fuck her.

[piecksz]

animeverse where eren is still in his cell and hange+others have an idea of bringing ina girl to fuc to 'loosen him up' so he can give info,hange has studies n research to back this up they bring you dressed scantily to go be his whore he knows why ur there n hates u so hes mean and ignores ur advances eventually he hate fucks u w his anger being directed at u from his situation choking xtreme degrading just being rough in general MEAN SERIOUS EREN NO FLUFF OR LOVE

catalyst

eren yeager x reader

warnings: nsfw, roughness, mentions of breeding, degredation, choking, explicit language

a/n: this is my first prompt request n i was vvvv nervous so pls go easy on me ok ok i hope i did your vision justice

“As romantic as this reunion is, it’s not a date, we need answers.” Levi’s words were austere, ricocheting off the passage walls as the three of you traveled deeper below ground. “He’s still a shitty-ass teenager. Hopefully isolation has made him desperate enough for female contact.”

You said nothing, and instead your eyes looked around fretfully. The chamber was inhospitable, forged from naked rock adorned with smoldering torches. Your minimal attire was inapt in its frigid ambience, so you walked clung to yourself, arms wrapped around your bare shoulders to retain as much body heat as you possibly could.

“Are you sure this is gonna work?” Levi questioned Hange, keeping his attention forward. He maneuvered through the sharp turns of the labyrinth, which gave you the impression he’d had many experiences down in the cells with his comrades.

Hange released a tremulous sigh. “It doesn’t matter. We’re out of options.” Their nervous tone had them looking over their shoulder, reassuring you with a placid smile. The gesture was thoughtful, considering it had felt like you’d been a third party to their strategic and undivided conversation, but it did nothing to soothe your hesitancy.

Levi and Hange had tracked you down and invited you to meet with them, urgently explaining that they needed your help with debriefing Eren after his insubordination and his blitz on Marley. He’d refused to disclose any further information about his conduct to anyone in the military, not even Mikasa and Armin, his closest confidants. So Hange suggested bringing in someone unbiased, someone not in the military to ruse more details out of Eren.

You were their prime choice after hearing how you and Eren had met when the Anti-Marleyan volunteers had arrived on Paradis. You’d been one of the several civilian volunteers that had helped with affairs and military proceedings at the port. There you’d met Eren and quickly forged a friendship, although Eren’s friends could have sworn there was more between you two than you would have liked to admit.

You weren’t sure why you agreed to their proposal. Perhaps it was your readiness to help the military in their righteous endeavors, or maybe it was for a different reason. Perhaps you were driven by your own selfishness. You wanted to see Eren again, even under the strange circumstances.

Eren’s cell was at the end of the corridor. Once Hange let out an abrupt “we’re here” your lips carried an eager smile, but your expression quickly faltered once you stepped forward and caught a glimpse of him in his cell. Even with the arrival of visitors, Eren kept his head forward while he sat on his bed, one arm balanced on his knee.

“Nice of you guys to pay me another visit. I’m starting to think you just miss me.” Eren’s voice was deep. So much deeper than you remembered. How long had it been? You couldn’t do the math.

“You know you’re our favorite problem child.” Levi responded humorlessly. He stepped aside for Hange to slip the key in the lock, and with one turn the door was swung open. “Don’t look so agitated. We brought you a gift.”

You made no efforts to step out from behind Hange and Levi, but Eren could see you clearly enough. You weren’t sure what you were expecting, but maybe it was foolish of you to envision Eren slipping out of his troubled temper the moment you two saw each other again. Realistically, it never would have been that easy. Eren’s face remained hard, if anything it looked like seeing you made him even angrier.

Hange’s hand found its way onto your shoulder, supportive, but reminding you of the reason why you were there.

You shuffled forward, heels loud against the granite cobblestone. Darkness swallowed you as you crept in further, and you flinched at the sound of the heavy door being shut and secured behind you. Looking over your shoulder, your heart began racing at the sight of solid metal bars separating you from the outside.

“Let’s give them some space,” Levi suggested, stepping back from the cell.

Hange’s mouth opened to protest, but they were discouraged by Levi’s strong grip on their ear.

“We’ll be waiting outside if you need us, Y/N.” Levi announced through Hange’s squalls of pain. He gave you a comforting nod before his eyes drifted to Eren, and his expression toughened again. “Don’t try anything. Screams echo down here.” He paused and then turned on his heel to leave, tugging Hange’s ear before releasing it from his hold.

You watched nervously as the two of them disappeared behind the wall.

Hange’s voice was heard again further down the hall. “That hurt a lot, you know.”

It was the last remark you heard from the pair before you heard the door to the corridor close, and then worry flooded your system like it was on an intravenous drip. The Eren you were convinced you were meeting was replaced by someone you weren’t sure you knew, and suddenly you felt unsafe being alone with him, but you held an obligation to Levi, Hange, and the rest of the military that needed the information they expected you to gather.

You walked slowly, feigning a gentle smile to masquerade as though you were happy. It hurt to know that it was something you had to fake. You sat at the edge of Eren’s bed and took note as he made no efforts to shift away. That had to have been a positive sign.

“You look different,” you chuckled. “I like it.” The weak blaze from the burning torches casted a menacing shadow onto Eren’s stolid face. In the half light of the cell he appeared much older. You reached a hand out to brush away the loose wisps of hair that decorated his face, but your movement was stopped by Eren’s unyielding grip around your wrist.

You jumped, surprised at his roughness.

“Do you honestly think you can outsmart me?” His words were bitter.

You looked at Eren with wide, stunned eyes before blinking quickly and trying to laugh off your clear fright.

“What are you talking about?” You brought your unrestrained hand to his jawline, fingers tracing the shape of his face until your touch met the broad span of his chest, and then you felt gutsy enough to slip your fingers under the fabric of his shirt. “You’ve been down here too long. Not everyone’s your enemy, Eren.”

Your fingers wandered far enough until they met the defined curve of his collarbone and the robust muscle of his chest, but the moment was fleeting, interrupted by the jolt of Eren shoving you backwards. You fell off the bed and teetered, momentarily losing your balance.

“It’s pitiful that you’re letting them use you as a pawn.” Eren’s words were sharp, but venom in his words were bearable compared to the resentment behind his eyes.

He knew. He was smart, you should have known he would catch on. You created distance between yourself and Eren.

“What? They’re not using me as a pawn.” Your voice was unsteady. “I promise Eren, I have no idea what you’re talking about, but you can help me understand if you just—”

“Then why are you here?” Eren rose from his bed to begin closing the distance you created, and your body began to quiver with dread.

You continued inching backwards until your tailbone collided with the edge of the cell’s sink, and you latched onto it with a sweaty grip.

“I’d rather be a pawn than be driven to do terrible things out of my own free will!” You had no choice but to admit what he already knew, and in seconds Eren’s hands were strung tightly around your wrists while he trapped your body against the sink.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized quickly, blinking back tears. You searched for something past his eyes, just a modicum of vulnerability to at least let you know there was a person behind the Eren you were speaking to, but the once fiery hues of green and blue in his irises were now frosted to an unremarkable grey. If it was true that eyes were the window to the soul, Eren was truly void.

“Please let go.” You pleaded and writhed in his grip. “Eren, seriously let go. You’re hurting me.”

“I don’t expect someone like you to understand.” Eren’s face showed nothing but malevolence.

“Someone like me?”

Eren pushed you back further into the sink until you bit back a shrill cry. “Someone that’s never had to make any sacrifices.”

Tear after tear did nothing to ease Eren’s painful hold, and as obvious as it was that he was hurting you, he remained unconcerned.

“Who are you?” You shook your head. “This isn’t the Eren I know.”

“Then your first mistake was thinking that you ever knew me.”

Eren’s words were somber, but he moved swiftly, and in seconds he tore you from the sink and had you pinned up against the wall, it’s jagged surface digging uncomfortably into your cheek. His mouth hovered by your ear, and when he spoke his breath fanned over the side of your face.

“Scream and I’ll break you.”

So you said nothing as Eren’s knee slid in between your legs, parting them far enough so that he could press his thigh to your cunt. His hands retired from holding your arms behind your back, and they traveled to your ass, riding up the fabric of your dress until it was on full display.

“This is nice.” His voice was condescending as tugged on your dress's short hem. “They did a good job at making you look—,” Eren delivered a sharp spank to the exposed skin then he ran his hand over the area searing with pain, “—like a whore.”

You took your bottom lip between your teeth to stifle a wail as Eren’s palm collided with your backside. He slipped a wicked finger under the thin material of your underwear and dipped his touch down between your thighs to stroke your folds through the cloth.

“Why are you shaking?” Eren used his free hand and slid it around your neck, gently at first, but you knew he wasn’t averse to tightening his grasp. “I thought this was all part of your plan.”

It had been, but your tremors weren’t the result of fear alone. You were scared out of your wits knowing that Eren had no reservations about harming you, and the thought shouldn’t have been as enticing as it was, but the combination of not knowing how he would choose to have his way with you had you feeling hot.

Your words were muffled through sobs, and your dazed mind didn’t make things easier, so all you could do was nod, which solicited a dry scoff from Eren. He hooked his finger around the fabric of your underwear and tugged it aside forcefully before parting your folds.

You released a feeble moan, and you could feel your knees buckling. If it weren’t for his tight grip, you were certain you would have collapsed. “Eren…”

“You’re wet already,” he said scornfully. Two fingers rubbed your clit mercilessly before slipping down to tease your entrance. “Acting scared meanwhile the whole time you were fucking dripping at the thought of me touching you like this. I don’t have to tell you how pathetic that is.”

Your breathing grew more labored at the anticipation of Eren’s long fingers entering you, pumping in and out of your hole while he ridiculed you for how desperately you tightened around his fingers, but you inhaled sharply when his touch disappeared.

Instead you felt Eren wipe your arousal on the inside of your thigh, and you had no time to question his behavior. A pitiful cry of surprise left your mouth as he grabbed the back of your neck, forcibly pulling you off the wall before throwing you in the direction of his bed.

“Move,” he commanded.

You staggered, looking back at him in alarm, but observed his directive without sacrificing any more time. Once you reached his bed, Eren followed closely behind, waiting until your back met the mattress to cage you in under his intimidating frame, and it then became clear that he held no other resolve than to use you for his own satisfaction. He disregarded your discernable ache and began unbuttoning his pants, pushing them down along with his briefs in one haste motion.

Eren’s large cock was already half-thickened with beads of precum glistening at its crown. He brought his palm to his mouth and spat in it before grabbing himself in the large curve of his hand to pump his length in preparation. He ran his tip up and down your folds, taking pleasure in the way you squirmed every time it prodded your tender clit, and then without warning he drove his cock into you, kindling a fervid cry that rose from the pit of your stomach and tore through your throat.

The sound echoed off the walls of the concrete box before ebbing into silence. Eren’s eyebrows creased in irritation while he looked down at you, and you suddenly harked back to his threat. You threw a quivering hand over your mouth, and shook your head, spluttering out a fragmented apology.

“I—Eren—I—I’m sorry…”

Yet he took no heed, and he began thrusting in and out of you, rocking back just to slam his hips into yours, over and over again until an uncomfortable pain grew from deep inside you and diffused over the span of your pelvis. All you could do was swallow your wails while your palm did it’s best efforts to smother your pleas. Fat tears ran down your cheeks and soaked into the sheets; your agony was hard to hide.

“Stop crying,” Eren barked through grunts. He pressed his hand to the hollow of your neck, fingers digging into your fleeting pulse. “You said yourself you have no problem being used.”

Sweaty fingers clutched his forearm, and you struggled against his dominance, breaths growing more and more shallow in an effort to conserve the air you were quickly losing.

He grabbed your wrists and held them together, pinning them to the mattress above your head with one hand.

“Maybe I should put a baby in you, then you’ll understand why what I’m doing is our last resort.”

Eren arched an eyebrow, but when you said nothing and only looked at him with glossy eyes a disdainful laugh slipped past his lips. He continued fucking himself deep into you, watching the way your body lurched with his movement, and then you felt his cock pulsate inside you.

It served as wordless notice that Eren was close, especially since he made no efforts to warn you. His eyes shut tightly, jaw hung slack while his groans intensified, and then he was cumming inside you, his hot seed flooding your walls as he claimed you.

You wound your eyes shut too, dark mascara-tainted tears staining your cheeks while you felt Eren thrusting through his high, making sure he had jettisoned every drop of his cum into you before he pulled himself out and wiped the creamy, white liquid that glazed his cock on the inside of your thigh.

“And when you report back, why don’t you tell them—” As if it were nothing he eased his weight off of you, taking a seat on the bed beside your shuddering body while he tucked himself back into his pants. “‘I let him fuck me pregnant because I’m a whore.’”