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missroserose · 3 years ago

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Fic Writer Question Meme!

Thanks for the tag, @venhedish—I love stuff like this! I'd apologize in advance for how long this is likely to be, but I suspect we share that tendency, haha.

How many works do you have on AO3?

20 total. I've been publishing there since late 2018, so about three years now. That sounds right for me—I'm way too perfectionist to ever be prolific.

What's your total AO3 word count?

125,744! Apparently it takes me three years to write a novel's worth of words I feel are worth publishing...which also sounds right.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Three, primarily: The Lost Boys, Stranger Things, and Supernatural. Mostly Stranger Things, since I was pretty enmeshed in the Harringrove community for about a year and a half, though these days I'm hanging out more with the SPN crowd. We'll see if that translates to more fics.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1.) Sunflower (524) 2.) Quickly, look away (506) 3.) We'll Become Who We Meant To Be (383) 4.) Too Young To Fall In Love (333) 5.) When the Waters Start to Cross (283)

First, what's not surprising: all are Stranger Things/Harringrove works. I'm a little surprised to see that "Sunflower" had edged out "Quickly" as my most-kudosed story, for years it was the other way around—but maybe that's actually not that surprising—part of the reason I haven't been as active in the fandom is that I really love the darker and more complex renditions of Billy Hargrove's character (a la "Quickly") and since S3 aired it seems like the fashion has moved more towards more lighthearted fluff (a la "Sunflower"). Still, both are pretty undemanding smut, so it makes sense that they're on top; similarly, I'm not surprised to see "Too Young To Fall In Love" in the top five either.

I am a little surprised that "We'll Become Who We Meant To Be" is #3—it's honestly close to genfic, there's only the tiniest moment of hinted-at attraction in there. I'm not mad about it, I honestly feel like it's one of my better efforts; on the other hand, "Wake Me Up" was in a similar vein and it's close to the bottom. I guess there's just no telling what's going to catch on...in fairness, a 25K outsider POV novella is a much bigger ask than a 3K short story.

Honestly, I'm probably most surprised at "When the Waters Start to Cross" cracking the top five—it's a 52K+ WIP and a profoundly complex atmospheric existential horror/romance, which is, like, five strikes against it. I'm not mad about it, though—I love that fic, even if it is a huge time and energy suck, and it definitely contains some of my best writing.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do! Sometimes it takes me a while, but I genuinely appreciate people taking the time to leave feedback (even if it's just a string of emoji!). And every once in a while I'll get really thoughtful or incisive comments that spark whole conversations—that's one of the best reasons to write fic!

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Hmm...to be honest, nothing immediately comes to mind; I love angst but tend to want it to serve a purpose, i.e. it gets a character closer to who they want to be. So most of my endings are at least hopeful. *checks list* It looks like probably my angstiest ending is also my first fic posted, "Blue Masquerade". Poor Michael.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you've written?

I don't currently write crossovers; I wouldn't rule it out, but frankly I haven't come across an idea that appeals to me. Waaaaaay back in the mists of time I had a Daria/Harry Potter crossover that I was actually pretty proud of, but I got about as far as getting them to Hogwarts and then kinda ran out of ideas, so I never posted it.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not that I can think of? I'm not big-time enough to get hate, haha. Worst I ever got was some rando asking for top or bottom tags, which I just ignored, and one person on "We'll Become" who was like "I don't like this pairing but you did a good job", which kinda had me like ??? thanks, I guess? I did get one comment on "Quickly, look away" from someone who felt like it was in a different headspace from the fic I wrote it as a sequel to, but that didn't strike me as hate, it's a perfectly fair observation.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

So first off, yes, and second...I recently came across this great Garth Greenwell quote that really gets at what I'm trying to do when I write smut:

In America in 2019 we are inundated with images of bodies to an absolutely unprecedented degree—images of eroticized bodies, images of sexual bodies; the Internet makes all our fantasies visible, and it trains us in new fantasies. And yet it also seems to me that our culture suffers from a dearth of representations of embodiedness, by which I mean of bodies imbued with consciousness. I’m not at all antiporn, but sometimes pornography (maybe especially Internet pornography, with its arms race of extremity) seems to want to evacuate bodies of personhood, to present them as objects. I think literature is the best technology we have for representing consciousness, and so I think there’s a kind of intervention that literature can perform in representing sex explicitly: it can reclaim the sexual body as a site of consciousness.

"Embodied porn" is probably the best description I can come up with—I love writing sex precisely because it's such a charged form of communication (Greenwell's words again), because there are things a character can do and say in that context that they never would normally. Like, sex acts are great and all, but what really does it for me is what's going on in their head, what's the history that brought the character to this point, how're they handling the inherent vulnerability and intimacy of this incredibly risky but potentially rewarding moment. Kink (whether through roleplaying, props, costumes, or whatever) is really just another way of adding to that personal meaning, since without the characters' reactions any trappings are meaningless.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, although I'd love to work with a translator someday (whether with fic or another context)—I'm fascinated by the inherent puzzles in translating between languages, especially with informal speech and its many idioms and cultural references.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet! I'd be open to the idea, but it definitely has to be with the right person...

What's your all time favorite ship?

Isn't that basically like asking a mom to choose her favorite kid? Seriously, I like different things about all of them...which one's getting the most attention depends entirely on mood and headspace and other effectively random variables.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I don't have any I've given up on entirely, yet. Even Waters, as beastly complicated as it is, I've been ruminating on and adding to and arranging in my head lately...

What are your writing strengths?

Atmosphere, character, dialogue. I've said it before, I'm a capital-R Romantic at heart: I love writing settings that reflect and reinforce a character's headspace—while also implying what said character might be missing in their viewpoint.

Something I've noticed—my husband worked for years as a penetration tester, which meant he would regularly have to talk his way past people on a moment's notice. So, unsurprisingly, we both notice people, but he tends to observe their presentation (clothing, accessories, especially ones that're markers of social class and group belonging that allow him to tailor his approach), whereas I notice what they say and how they say it—and, often, what they don't say.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I suddenly feel like I'm in a job interview, haha. Perfectionism is a big one—I have a tendency to feel hopeless and quit if something's taking too long, rather than persisting until I get it sorted, even though some of my best work is stuff where I persisted. Also, I'm big on emotional intensity—which isn't a bad thing, necessarily, but I sometimes read back over my stuff and I'm like "geez, Ambrosia, ease up a bit"...I could definitely use some comic relief in my writing sometimes, but I think I'm often too insecure to try it.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't have any in particular—I rarely do it myself, because I don't trust myself to do it properly. (Perfectionism again!)

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Daria, way back in the day. My work is still up on FF.net...sometimes I wonder if anyone's ever going to dig it up and confront me with it, haha. (I doubt anyone will ever care that much...I guess I'm more just curious if my style from twenty years ago is recognizably me.)

What's your favorite fic you've written?

If we're talking about finished fics, probably either "Wake Me Up" or "Young At Heart"—they're both pretty oddball, but both required a fuckton of work and both came out pretty close to what I wanted. But "Waters" is my biggest baby...maybe I'll open up Act III to work on today...

Thanks again for the tag, Ven! I'm going to tag @ihni, @redmyeyes, @twobrokenwyngs, @skybound2, @sambrosia, @shewritesdirty, @introvertia, @coffeeandchemicals, and @anarchist-billy—if you're up for some rumination, I'd love to hear your thoughts on your writing!

#author stuff #my writing #fanfic culture #about me #tag games

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stvrwar · 7 years ago

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Please tell us more abt the Dead Moms Club! I deadass have the original post about them bookmarked so I can check in. How did they all meet?

Straight up just murder me Bc !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this makes me happy.

Aight. So.

Jude and Rory meet each other in a self-defense class freshman year.

-- Which, it's more than a little funny to imagine Jude in a self-defense class because she's very closed in on herself, so to speak. She isn't a physical person, not like Gomez. But she saw a flyer and thought it was a good idea. A great idea. A way of reclaiming a part of her personhood she still felt she'd lost. But straight up, she owns nothing in the way of like, exercise clothing so she shows up in a long ass skirt and refuses to be shamed for that.

-- Rory is mostly there because he's an asshole but is also there because he's a criminal justice major and helping with the self-defense class would give him extra credit and let's be real, he slacks. So he sort of definitely needs that extra credit. Plus he's violent and knows how to intimidate so honestly, he's perfect for it.

-- But he gets to the class and there's this very obviously tragic looking figure standing there in a floor length skirt and just like misery loves company, it's able to recognize it too. But he's Rory. And he's a dick who's bad at emotions. So he doesn't say anything to her. Fast forward to practicing the defense moves and Rory gets paired with Jude and he's more than a little awkward about it because clearly she's uncomfortable but more than a little determined.

-- But then he has to grab her from behind, by the shoulder, and she goes stock still and white, blown out eyes. And he lets go. Backs up. No hesitation. Because he's had that look in his eye and he's felt that instinctual tenseness. Because he's physical and is okay with his physicality but sometimes a hit lands too hard and he's back there again, in his dad's shitty Chicago apartment. So he lets go and goes still.

-- He doesn't ask if she's okay because she isn't and she doesn't tell him she's fine because she isn't and instead they stand there in a strange silence in a crowded room, in a sense of knowing with one another that only comes from shared trauma.

-- Someone shouts out him to finish the fucking defense training, one of the instructors. Derek or something. He was a dick from the start and it had taken everything Rory had not to just fucking punch him when he first walked in. But, the weird girl is all but fucking shaking so he just sighs, tugs his hair down and shrugs.

-- "This is fucking stupid. I'm leaving and getting dinner." He doesn't offer it as an invitation, but Jude goes with him anyway. They go together well as a pair. Her raised to be a weapon, him what's left in the aftermath when one is used.

-- And when she first founds out about the support group, she drags him along. Well. As much as someone could drag an angry dog on a leash.

Margot and Gomez meet at a party. Sort of.

-- Margot sees Gomez at a party and it's stupid and it's crowded. Her sorority Delta Zeta's brother frat, Pi Kappa Pi, is throwing a rager so of course she's there. It's like. Her job, to be there. She's the social butterfly and has at least two upperclassman on hand at any time to get her booze for a wildly discounted price somehow. It's honestly a real talent.

-- Margot manages to get the hell out of what has quickly became a dance floor in the basement of the frat house and found her way into the kitchen where there's a very pretty girl doing a lot of shots. And while Margot trusts Pi Kapp, she's still more than a little leery at the idea of doing that many shitty tequila shots off a kitchen counter that looks like it's never seen a can of Lysol. But she's pretty. The girl. Like. Stupidly. Wildly. God, I'm so gay pretty.

-- And Margot had already pregamed a bit, had a few sips of that cotton candy Smirnoff she'd gotten from Abby the Senior. So. She goes over and does a shot with her. And another. And another. And oh Christ another. Things get a bit fuzzy then.

-- Gomez didn't do the Greek life scene. It was stupidly expensive just to have a guaranteed in to a party. But that didn't mean she didn't enjoy crashing their parties. She was a girl and first rule of college was that girls get in without being on the list. Nine times out of ten.

-- Some dudebro in a snapback had offered her a drink and she knew her limits, thank you very much, so she didn't see much harm in drinking free, shifty tequila. She was Mexican, she could handle her tequila, no problem. Okay, maybe a little less able to handle it than she'd expected but whatever. Soon she was in the kitchen with enough salt and lime stuck to her lips that she didn't even have to lick her wrist.

-- It was around that time the girl with the pink hair sidled up next to her at the counter and she was a fucking relief, seeing as the last three people to pull that move had been drunk dudes she had approximately zero interest in. And so she just slid over a shot of tequila with a halfway grin on her face.

-- The next day was very, very bright. She didn’t really get hungover. She just got horrible headaches and a little queasy and felt sticky all over. Not hungover. But she had her fucking figure drawing class and it was going to be bright and yeah. Gomez was not looking forward to that. But after downing an entire pot of black coffee, she managed to crawl from her apartment toward campus and into the Art and Journalism building. She set her easel up in the last space remaining and squinted in preparation and.

-- It was her. Pink Hair Tequila Girl. Only she was naked. The professor introduced her as Margot and she gave a wave, winced, and Gomez was more than a little pleased to know she seemed to be just as miserable.

-- Oh god. Hot Girl From the Party was staring at her with a very blank, exhausted look on her face. What if she like, hated her for letting her get wasted? Well, she didn’t even know her but Margot felt at least a little responsible. And a little embarassed. She’d been modelling for the art department for a year and a half and she’d never been embarassed but suddenly a pretty girl with dark eyes stared at her and she wanted to put her robe back on. For fuck’s sake!

-- After the class, Gomez delayed packing up her easel. Just a little. Loitering. Watching as Margot tugged her robe back on, yawned. “Hey,” she called over to her after a moment of hesitation. “I think I owe you coffee.”

The four meet at one of the support group meetings and become relatively close as a foursome, some distance remains between them obviously, but by the time Eze comes to his first meeting, their a very definite sect of the support group. A group within a group.

Eze attends the group because his grandma says he should, he needs to move on, or at least, move forward.

-- He’s been so wrapped up in the death of his family that he’s all but become stagnant since it happened. He was seventeen at the time. When he finally takes his grandma’s advice (insistence) he’s almost 21. That’s a long time to be so hung up on the past- even if it is such an important part of his past.

-- He’s awkward and yeah, no, he’s mostly awkward. He’s never really voiced any of this to anyone. Any of his theories. His anger at the police. His anger at the situation. His anger at the world for what happened, because he tried so fucking hard not to be seen like that. Like just another angry black boy. He doesn’t want Gram to lose him too.

-- So he’s stayed quiet and he’s stayed angry in the safety of his own mind. But this group, they tell him to introduce himself and they tell him to tell his story and well. Maybe he goes a little overboard. Maybe he comes off too strong, too intense.

-- But before he can be strong, intense, throw himself overboard, he makes a fucking fool of himself. And then the stupid Thor look alike says some shit to him and fuck. Yeah. Okay. He’s hot. That’s embarassing. This is embarassing.

-- Pink Hair says something to Thor, but he’s ears are too buy burning to be any good at hearing much at all. The girl next to Pink Hair, the one with the dark braids, snorts before he remembers how to speak again.

-- The one in the long skirt with the long hair tells him to go on, that she wants to hear, and so he does. And by the time he’s finished, by the time the meeting’s over, those are the four that stay. The four who believed him. Or at least the four who wanted to know more.

#tdmc #ezekiel holt #eze #the dead moms club #kahlo gomez #gomez #jude #jude lahey #rory #rory devlin #margot #margot xu #siriusfreakingblack

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griffinsnoir · 7 years ago

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nb-ace-in-the-menagerie asked: We’re there any Mass Effect companions Calpernia got along really well with?

Calpernia got on well with most everyone, but her especially notable are her friendships with:

Kaidan, Miranda, Samara, James, an Extra Special Shoutout to Garrus and Tali and a very special shoutout to Ashley!

This isn’t to say she doesn’t value everyone else, but her relationship with these guys is particularly special or different.

So let’s see:

Kaidan

Kaidan and Calpernia share a very special bond. I mean they ended up dating in Mass Effect 3 so of course he’s very special to her.

And I think it’s because they’re very much alike: dutiful, stubborn, honest... powerful human biotics...

He always tells her how he feels and for the most part she always had a clear understanding of where she stood with him. She admires his abilities and has absolute faith in him—and that trust has never wavered.

That’s part of the reason she was never really angry at him for his comments on Horizon. I mean she was hurt but never really angry.

He was the first person she opened herself up to and he keeps her grounded. So even when he was angry at her, she never stopped believing they’d be friends again.

And she was right. It took some time but they worked through everything and finally resolved the romantic tension between them!

Kaidan fell for her very early on but his interest was very subtle so Calpernia didn’t notice. She was too focused. But Calpernia did develop strong feelings of… ‘Camaraderie’ towards him.

Such strong feelings of Camaraderie, in fact, something about him not being at her side in ME2 felt wrong. She missed him a little too much and didn’t understand why he occupied her thoughts so often. (The feeling she had was love but she hadn’t noticed it yet.)

So yeah, ya girl is a little dense lol

She had a late love epiphany thus didn’t know she was in love until he broke her heart on Horizon.

Even after they became friends again it still took her a while to notice his feelings for her—he had to be very blatant about it for her to catch on and it didn't help that Calpernia didn't give him any indication of her feelings—but they got their eventually lol

Miranda

Unlike either Kaidan or Ashley, Calpernia and Miranda got off to a pretty bad start. She was difficult to get along with but they’re both remarkably similar and needed the same thing: To reclaim their humanity from the impossible standards they (and others) placed upon them(selves). For Calpernia, reclaiming her personhood and humanity was something that began in ME1. It cemented in ME2 and was tested in ME3. She wobbled but came out with her humanity (and life) intact. I imagine that the same could be said for Miranda and alot of that was because Shepard helped her. She made Miranda feel like asking for help and acknowledging her faults wasn’t the end of the world. Which is why their casino scene in the Citadel DLC makes me so happy! They’re both so efficient at what they do and it’s consumed so much of their time that neither knows how to be a civilian and have a normal Girls Night but they’re going to try! And then Miranda’s admittance that no one is perfect brings everything from their first few conversations full Circle. Miranda isn’t perfect and neither is Calpernia. It’s no exaggeration for me to say that Miranda is Calpernia’s best friend.

Samara

Now I could go on and on about the relationship between Calpernia and Samara but I’ll try to keep short as I can.

Their relationship is full of ironic parallels that Calpernia fails to notice.

Calpernia admires and Respects Samara a lot. She admires her serenity, wisdom and strong resolve.

I mean, Samara is the type of person who makes ‘getting the job done’ look easy, she’s level-headed, cool, and fearless. And though she might be, uh, intense she does bring about a sense of comfort. Because having Samara seems like guaranteed victory (ironically, these are traits commonly attributed to Calpernia herself— she of course doesn’t notice the parallel.)

But what Calpernia really likes about her, is that beneath her tough Justicar exterior is someone whose subject to the same vulnerabilities as everyone else. She loves getting to know that part of Samara and she loves that Samara trusts her with that part of her. (Again, Ironically, this mirrors the way Shepard let down her walls to let her Companions get to know her as a person. Calpernia doesn’t notice.)

But of course, there are things she does notice, like how both of them place the mission before their feelings and the way others view them as unapproachable and scary.

But As I mentioned, Calpernia regaining her sense of self outside of the ‘Commander Shepard’ box she’s placed herself into is most of her character development and it’s really starting to take effect in Mass Effect 2. So while they’re still similar, Calpernia has begun to drift unto different path. Her mission is still first, but she’s now open to a personal life.

So having someone there who has it all together is…comforting, Even if she doesn’t take the same path.

She misses being that sure; She missed the guidelines and regulations and Carefully Executed Loopholes that informed her behavior and actions. She misses the clarity she had when she pushed away everything that wasn’t the mission.

But then her crew wiggled their way into her heart and Having them made her realized how hard it is to be alone and fight for some abstract concept. But when the people who want to protect are Right There…it becomes easier and makes her resolve that much stronger.

So, Ironically, opening herself up and making friends only made her a better soldier lol

They share different perspectives but understand each other better than most others would.

James

Being someone’s Friend or Commander is different than being their Mentor and, well, that’s what she got to be with James.

He looked toward her for Guidance and so she helped him.

But that really brings everything full circle for her.

The games begin with her under Anderson’s Wing and now she’s, more or less, taken someone under hers.

James has promise: talent, an impressive service record and is even on his way to becoming an N7! But then he’s also excitable and emotional and overall very different than she is; He likes to joke and flirt and get under her skin—I mean you’d think he’d treat someone he looks up to with a little more respect!

Still, he means no harm and Calpernia understands that—in fact, his cheerful presence is very much needed.

And that I think that, when you’re invited to join the N7 program it’s because you’ve shown the same level of proficiency in the traits other N7s share: bravery, strength, creative problem solving, etc…

Anderson and Shepard get along because they share a set of unique qualities–and I’d like to think the same could be said for Shepard and James. They met when Calpernia was grounded but he always respected her and she appreciated his support.

They went through a rough patch on the Normandy but it was easy to reconciled once Calpernia dished out the hard advice.

And though they did become friends, their Mentor, Protege relationship blossomed after the Reaper War.

I mentioned that I headcanon that Calpernia helped to recruit new N7s–and James was amongst the first bunch of new candidates.

While everyone else was impressed and/or intimidated, James treated her no different than always. He teased her about being ‘Out of Her Prime’ and probably called her Grandma at some point but he has nothing but respect for her lol

He goes to her for advice and likes to talk about how things are going and she’s extremely proud of him.

Garrus and Tali

I put these two together because they fill a similar position in Calpernia’s heart.

A list like this wouldn’t be complete without them!

Those two have been there through it all. They’ve stood with her against all sorts of impossible odds and depends on them for support.

No one else knows what Shepard’s been through like they have—like, you can tell someone about the Collector Base but the pure horror of it all? You just had to be there y’know?

And so in that sense, they’re like…siblings. Three people who came up together.

With Garrus someone she can pal around and compete with. He is 100% her best bro.

With Tali, Shepard goes full on ‘Mom Friend’ No one messes with Tali when she’s around!

And together they form a pretty balanced combat trio.

Whenever she’s feeling unsure of what or who the mission needs, Garrus and Tali are the two she’ll call first.

There’s is a friendship that will definitely last a lifetime.

Ashley

Compared to the rest, Calpernia didn’t know Ashley for very long.

But still, Ashley reminded Calpernia very much of herself–she was a survivor, a soldier willing and ready to go, they shared an interest in old literature and Ashley wasn’t afraid to speak her mind. I already mentioned that Calpernia did try to save both Ashley and Kaidan by splitting up from her Squad but she was unsuccessful. Losing her is one of Calpernia’s greatest regrets. Before her final stand against the Reapers, Calpernia traded her usual Red Armor for Standard Alliance Blue. But then she added a very non-standard Pink Stripe on her arm in honor of Ashley and the rest of her fallen friends and allies.

#mass effect #sigh #im so foolish #things i write #for the archive

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